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Downloaded from
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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX

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Bro, how long have your shows been till now?

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I have the ones where I recorded the audio.

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Mumbai was 2 hours 35 minutes.

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Chandigarh was 2 hours 10 minutes.

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Jaipur was 2 hours 34 minutes.

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Pune was 2 hours 20 minutes.

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Bangalore was 2 hours 28 minutes.

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Hyderabad wasn't 3 hours 45 minutes, just...

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...that I didn't close the voice recorder.

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So it's an hour of somebody talking for an hour after the show.

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Because I have no idea where I'd kept the phone!

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Let's see how long Mumbai goes for.

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Yes, done. Let's see.

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Ladies and Gentlemen, give it up for the one and only,

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...the very funny, Anubhav Singh Bassi!

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Thank you!

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Save your strength for the rest of the show.

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You guys are shameless, really!

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I'm not sober yet, and you want to laugh.

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Up there! Don't laugh like this.

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It's a long way down.

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I've sat on these seats before, okay?

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Scoot back, and put on a seat belt, if you have one.

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I was about to record this show in Delhi,

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...but there were technical issues there.

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So I figured, let's do it in Mumbai.

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Nobody told me that Mumbai is a no-go in July and August.

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Seriously, how are you guys living here?

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How do you not kill yourself in this traffic?

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Bro, people watch their lives flash by...

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...by the time they reach Bandra.

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Such a weird city! Such weird traffic!

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The map says 30 minutes,

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...and 31 minutes later, it's still 30 minutes!

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There's this place in Andheri,

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...Laxmi Industrial Estate?

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I was in the car, saw it outside, then took a nap.

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Woke up half an hour later.

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And it's still Laxmi Industrial Estate!

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I asked the driver, "How many are there?"

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He said, "We haven't moved."

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I said, "Bro, why though?"

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Delhi has a bad reputation for...

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...fights on the road for no reason!

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They can't happen here!

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You can't even open the car door!

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How will you even get out to fight, huh?

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It's true, guys.

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One bucket of water, and the entire city goes into chaos mode.

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Gurgaon is great that way.

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Soon as it rains, the map spells it out.

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Cancel your plans.

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There are no more roads for the next three days.

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The city is now underwater.

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But, it's fine.

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There's one more thing I love about your city!

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People are happily making out on the road!

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There's a road dedicated to it.

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And the passion?

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How are they doing this on a scooty?

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That scooty can barely manage...

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...to do what it was made to do!

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You're doing this with an umbrella in the rain?

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It's brilliant, I drive my car slowly down that road.

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So, anyway.

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Don't read too much into the show name Stop It, Bassi.

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It's the story of my career, written over 4-5 years.

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It's listen and leave.

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I know all the don'ts from the do's and don'ts of life.

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Because that's all I've done.

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Us five friends finished college and went to Delhi.

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To do something big in life!

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Abdul couldn't come, he failed.

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The five of us lived in the same flat.

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Five boys living together is a bad idea.

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Five boys doing anything together is a bad idea!

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Five boys shouldn't even be friends.

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So college has been over for a few months,

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...and we're drinking every night for no reason.

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Every night it's cheers to life.

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We are losers, we have no life.

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We're cheering out of disposable glasses.

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Half the time, they'd break as soon as we cheered.

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We did for 5 or 6 months,

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...and they decided to be productive in life.

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So they bought a PlayStation.

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And they started playing FIFA.

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They've played so much FIFA.

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They've scored more goals than Ronaldo and Messi.

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When Ronaldo would post on Insta,

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...they'd comment saying, "Move along."

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I thought, I'll get a job.

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I tried, but I just couldn't.

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It's a tough nut to crack, guys.

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I have to go? Every day?

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It's either me, or going every day.

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I came to office today,

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...so the office can come over tomorrow. Right?

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Then again, I went straight to the Supreme Court.

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We don't dabble in these small-time courts.

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Going to the Supreme Court was a blast.

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If I'm going to get insulted, then let it be there.

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I had a problem with the clothes we had to wear.

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With the gown that we had to wear.

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You must have seen that thing in the movies?

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Why am I draping a curtain on me?

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Who goes to office flying like this?

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I did this so many times, hoping for a superpower.

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That's the only office dress that the dogs start barking at!

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And it gets burnt if you smoke a cigarette!

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One minute you're standing and talking,

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...the next minute that damn thing is on fire!

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If you wear it and go for a haircut,

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...the barber just turns it around.

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"Dude he came ready for this!"

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And I would get dressed up properly for work.

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So that nobody asked me questions.

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Fake it till you make it.

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I would keep four pens in the...

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...coat pocket under the gown.

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Not one of them worked.

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Somebody asked me for a pen one day,

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...and I had to tell that it's just the cap.

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And my boss was an ass on top of it all!

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I'm still not sure if asses become bosses or bosses become asses.

128
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There's definitely a connection there.

129
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Look at him.

130
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His boss is sucking his soul.

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And even better if he brought his boss along!

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Guys, he didn't pay me a salary the first month!

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He told me that they're teaching me the ropes!

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And you're telling me this now?

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Because I've learnt nothing at all.

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I'm just here for shits and giggles.

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Somebody asked if I'm a lawyer, and I said no.

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I'm dressed up as a bat for a fancy dress.

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Let's go outside, and I'll hang out of a tree for you.

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Then the chairman called me one day.

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He said, "Come Bassi. Let's talk about your salary."

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Talk about it?

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Are you my friend?

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What's there to talk about? Give me a salary, and we're done!

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He talked nonsense for 15-20 minutes,

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...and gave me 1800 rupees.

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Salary.

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He said, "You deserve this much."

149
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Deserve?

150
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Do I look like a rickshaw driver, fucker?

151
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What you mean by "deserve this"?

152
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And he gave me a cheque for 1800 rupees.

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I didn't mind the cheque.

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He didn't even give Saturdays off.

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When do I deposit this cheque?

156
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What do I do with it?

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This wish-fulfilling note that you've handed over,

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...where do I take it?

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I took it home, showed to the maid, "Look, the money is here."

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It's not in my pocket, but it's right here.

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Pin it up in the kitchen, and get cracking!

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What do you even do in life with 1800 rupees?

163
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What am I taking somebody out on a date for? Mouth freshener?

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"You eat everyday."

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"Freshen up your mouth today!"

166
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Just imagine, the 2000 rupee note wasn't out that time.

167
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Imagine the insult.

168
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Right?

169
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Somebody has the note with them.

170
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I have a cheque smaller than that with me!

171
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Which is useless to me!

172
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Still, I did that job for a while.

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Then he fired me.

174
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It wasn't a firing, really.

175
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That day, I just felt it coming my way.

176
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If he didn't fire me then,

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...then I'll have to request for it.

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"Sir, just fire me. It's about time."

179
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He gave me a file,

180
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...and said, "Bassi take this file."

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"Reach the High Court at 11 tomorrow, with this file."

182
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I asked, "Sir, is that 11 AM?"

183
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He said yes, so I said, "Let's make it PM."

184
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He told me come on time.

185
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I said that I'll try.

186
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I got home and told the four of them that I have reach at 11 AM.

187
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So obviously, none of us slept the whole night.

188
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We drank all night long, while holding hands.

189
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I had to reach at 11 AM.

190
00:10:03,391 --> 00:10:05,271
So in the morning, I didn't have a hangover.

191
00:10:05,271 --> 00:10:06,071
I hadn't sobered up yet.

192
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I forget where I had to go!

193
00:10:11,191 --> 00:10:12,791
Finally, I start getting everything set.

194
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I'm getting ready, and I can't find my clothes!

195
00:10:14,671 --> 00:10:15,711
My friend Pandit says,

196
00:10:15,711 --> 00:10:17,471
..."Wear the gown over the boxers, who will know?"

197
00:10:19,631 --> 00:10:21,271
"Where the hell will I put my pens?"

198
00:10:23,431 --> 00:10:24,991
"I can't stick them to my chest and go!"

199
00:10:27,591 --> 00:10:29,231
Anyway, I got dressed up properly.

200
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Took the file,

201
00:10:30,631 --> 00:10:32,951
...and reached the gate of the High Court in an auto.

202
00:10:33,071 --> 00:10:34,071
He said, "Bassi, you're here?"

203
00:10:35,791 --> 00:10:36,951
I said, "Am I invisible?"

204
00:10:38,031 --> 00:10:39,591
"What did we drink last night?"

205
00:10:40,231 --> 00:10:42,031
He said, "I can see you, but where's the file?"

206
00:10:45,151 --> 00:10:47,151
I turned to see the auto driving away.

207
00:10:48,591 --> 00:10:50,311
I said, "Sir, I swear that I brought it!"

208
00:10:52,231 --> 00:10:53,911
"And it's going back that way!"

209
00:10:55,271 --> 00:10:57,111
"Hurry up and catch it, the case is headed to the Supreme Court!"

210
00:11:01,551 --> 00:11:03,151
He said, "How about you follow that auto?"

211
00:11:03,791 --> 00:11:05,551
"And go to the office to get your dues."

212
00:11:06,151 --> 00:11:07,911
I asked, "What dues?"

213
00:11:08,991 --> 00:11:10,951
"I'll have made 15-20 bucks by now."

214
00:11:12,751 --> 00:11:13,991
"Just give it to me right now."

215
00:11:15,911 --> 00:11:17,671
"And sir, please give me cash."

216
00:11:20,831 --> 00:11:23,231
"I'll get slapped if I buy cigarettes with a cheque."

217
00:11:28,111 --> 00:11:29,151
And I never went back.

218
00:11:30,671 --> 00:11:31,711
I chilled every day.

219
00:11:32,671 --> 00:11:33,951
Then I prepared for the UPSC.

220
00:11:37,031 --> 00:11:38,311
What's there to laugh about?

221
00:11:41,191 --> 00:11:42,551
I can try to prepare for it, can't I?

222
00:11:45,071 --> 00:11:46,071
I didn't get in.

223
00:11:47,111 --> 00:11:48,751
But that's UPSC's loss, not mine.

224
00:11:49,871 --> 00:11:51,831
If they come to ask, I'll tell them to get lost.

225
00:11:54,111 --> 00:11:55,431
So we were just chilling.

226
00:11:55,631 --> 00:11:57,591
And I asked Pandit, "What do you want to do in life?"

227
00:11:58,351 --> 00:11:59,431
He says, "Let's play FIFA."

228
00:12:00,751 --> 00:12:02,711
I think he missed the word 'Life' in all this."

229
00:12:04,471 --> 00:12:05,871
He said, "I've not thought about it."

230
00:12:06,431 --> 00:12:08,031
So I said, "Yeah, we're not at that age yet."

231
00:12:09,631 --> 00:12:12,711
"But we should think of doing a job or something."

232
00:12:12,871 --> 00:12:13,991
He said, "You go ahead, I'll go play."

233
00:12:15,271 --> 00:12:17,071
So I applied at a few places here and there.

234
00:12:17,231 --> 00:12:18,351
Didn't get a single reply.

235
00:12:18,351 --> 00:12:19,751
I put my CV in the Big 4.

236
00:12:21,711 --> 00:12:23,711
So I was just chilling one day and got a call.

237
00:12:23,751 --> 00:12:25,831
He said, "Hello. We want to hire you."

238
00:12:26,031 --> 00:12:27,551
I thought a friend was fucking with me.

239
00:12:33,071 --> 00:12:34,071
So what happened was...

240
00:12:34,071 --> 00:12:35,911
...that as soon as I graduated, I put this on Facebook.

241
00:12:35,911 --> 00:12:37,311
Advocate at Supreme Court of India.

242
00:12:38,071 --> 00:12:39,191
I forgot to remove that.

243
00:12:40,271 --> 00:12:41,951
Facebook is counting my experience.

244
00:12:42,271 --> 00:12:43,431
Without even telling me.

245
00:12:44,871 --> 00:12:46,071
They called again.

246
00:12:46,071 --> 00:12:48,071
"Hello, I'm so-and-so, and..."

247
00:12:48,271 --> 00:12:49,511
"...we want to hire you."

248
00:12:49,511 --> 00:12:51,231
I said, "I don't want to get hired, so how will you?"

249
00:12:52,351 --> 00:12:53,831
He said, "We've checked your experience."

250
00:12:53,831 --> 00:12:55,191
I said, "I have experience?"

251
00:12:55,791 --> 00:12:58,191
"The only thing I have in experience is my name!"

252
00:13:05,111 --> 00:13:06,511
"I don't know jackshit!"

253
00:13:07,111 --> 00:13:09,831
He said, "You must meet us once if you're free."

254
00:13:09,831 --> 00:13:10,951
I said, "Free is all I am!"

255
00:13:11,831 --> 00:13:13,631
So I figured I'll meet them, what's the harm?

256
00:13:13,711 --> 00:13:14,951
He was a total gentleman.

257
00:13:14,951 --> 00:13:16,551
Had a functioning pen kept in his pocket!

258
00:13:17,471 --> 00:13:18,351
Right?

259
00:13:19,031 --> 00:13:21,071
We talked and he told me about his start-up.

260
00:13:21,591 --> 00:13:23,071
Does everybody know what a start-up is?

261
00:13:24,191 --> 00:13:25,831
Something that's about to shut down.

262
00:13:29,631 --> 00:13:30,551
So, anyway.

263
00:13:31,711 --> 00:13:34,871
He told me about his start-up and what they do there.

264
00:13:34,871 --> 00:13:36,231
I wasn't interested in listening.

265
00:13:36,231 --> 00:13:38,071
I let him talk, thinking he'll shut up and leave soon.

266
00:13:38,631 --> 00:13:40,591
Suddenly he asked, "Bassi, if we hire you..."

267
00:13:40,591 --> 00:13:42,111
"...then what is your salary expectation?"

268
00:13:43,311 --> 00:13:45,191
By the time my brain could process that...

269
00:13:45,831 --> 00:13:47,271
...somebody actually asked this question,

270
00:13:47,831 --> 00:13:48,951
...the guy told me upfront that...

271
00:13:48,951 --> 00:13:50,831
..."We can pay you 35,000 rupees."

272
00:13:51,591 --> 00:13:54,351
I suddenly said, "Thirty-five thousand?"

273
00:13:57,351 --> 00:13:59,031
He said yes. And I asked, "Every month?"

274
00:14:00,791 --> 00:14:01,391
He said yes.

275
00:14:01,391 --> 00:14:03,111
I asked him if I could hug him once.

276
00:14:04,671 --> 00:14:06,111
If I could call him my Daddy.

277
00:14:08,151 --> 00:14:10,271
I was like, let's hurry up and go right now, I feel like working!

278
00:14:12,191 --> 00:14:13,191
I joined right there.

279
00:14:13,191 --> 00:14:13,871
He said come from Monday.

280
00:14:13,871 --> 00:14:15,871
I said, "You come on Monday, I'll go sit there right now."

281
00:14:17,551 --> 00:14:18,991
I went home and told the four boys.

282
00:14:18,991 --> 00:14:20,631
"Guys, got a job that pays 35,000 rupees."

283
00:14:21,071 --> 00:14:22,071
They asked, "To how many people?"

284
00:14:30,071 --> 00:14:31,111
I said, "Just mine!"

285
00:14:31,111 --> 00:14:32,191
They asked, "What do you have to give?"

286
00:14:39,551 --> 00:14:40,591
I said, "Listen!"

287
00:14:41,271 --> 00:14:42,671
"It's a job at a start-up."

288
00:14:42,911 --> 00:14:44,111
They asked, "With what qualifcation?"

289
00:14:44,711 --> 00:14:46,791
I said, "Look, this is my new Daddy."

290
00:14:47,671 --> 00:14:49,711
"Be happy that he's paying 35,000 bucks a month."

291
00:14:50,031 --> 00:14:52,151
"I'm going to work and coming back on a river of booze!"

292
00:14:52,271 --> 00:14:53,231
They said alright.

293
00:14:53,711 --> 00:14:54,471
I joined the start-up.

294
00:14:54,471 --> 00:14:55,471
Now, there was no real issue

295
00:14:55,471 --> 00:14:57,471
I didn't really care about the start-up.

296
00:14:57,591 --> 00:14:59,111
He said a lot of big words in front of me.

297
00:14:59,111 --> 00:15:01,231
Company. Corporation.

298
00:15:02,031 --> 00:15:03,071
Institution.

299
00:15:03,671 --> 00:15:04,711
Meetings.

300
00:15:05,991 --> 00:15:07,111
And some other things.

301
00:15:07,831 --> 00:15:08,991
I had no issuue with it.

302
00:15:09,391 --> 00:15:10,871
But the man was such an idiot.

303
00:15:12,391 --> 00:15:13,951
This dude's start-up was really simple.

304
00:15:14,271 --> 00:15:16,511
The dude said that I'll get a mobile phone.

305
00:15:16,991 --> 00:15:19,991
I'll get calls and have to provide legal consultancy.

306
00:15:20,311 --> 00:15:21,351
I said, "I'll do it, sir."

307
00:15:21,871 --> 00:15:23,511
He didn't say it has be correct.

308
00:15:25,031 --> 00:15:26,191
I'll give out random advice!

309
00:15:27,271 --> 00:15:28,351
I'll teach them a lesson!

310
00:15:28,711 --> 00:15:30,551
"Don't fight like this, now say sorry like good kids."

311
00:15:34,031 --> 00:15:35,991
And if I get a really complicated case,

312
00:15:35,991 --> 00:15:37,791
...then I'll divert the call to a friend.

313
00:15:38,271 --> 00:15:39,831
Somebody who's job is going well.

314
00:15:39,831 --> 00:15:40,831
They'll handle it.

315
00:15:40,831 --> 00:15:42,471
So I said, "Don't worry, sir. You'll be sorted."

316
00:15:42,791 --> 00:15:44,111
"Leave it to me to sort it out."

317
00:15:44,751 --> 00:15:46,471
So I was in a working mood when I went.

318
00:15:47,191 --> 00:15:49,111
I had to provide legal consultancy, alright?

319
00:15:49,111 --> 00:15:50,151
Calls will come on the mobile phone.

320
00:15:50,471 --> 00:15:51,831
I joined the office,

321
00:15:52,991 --> 00:15:54,631
...which this dude had put in the basement.

322
00:16:00,991 --> 00:16:01,991
Yes, you got it.

323
00:16:03,551 --> 00:16:04,751
There was no signal there!

324
00:16:05,551 --> 00:16:08,111
My job became hunting for signal bars on the mobile!

325
00:16:11,551 --> 00:16:13,991
He told me that I would head the Delhi team.

326
00:16:15,111 --> 00:16:17,111
A Delhi team, with a total of two people.

327
00:16:18,591 --> 00:16:20,231
There was me, and another girl.

328
00:16:20,671 --> 00:16:22,031
She was the head of something too.

329
00:16:24,551 --> 00:16:26,671
Neither of us knew what we were heading.

330
00:16:27,591 --> 00:16:29,551
I was a Senior Consultant without a junior!

331
00:16:35,991 --> 00:16:38,031
He had given us one idiotic office boy.

332
00:16:38,191 --> 00:16:39,471
If I asked him for tea,

333
00:16:39,471 --> 00:16:40,751
...he would ask, "In a cup?"

334
00:16:42,511 --> 00:16:44,191
I said, "No, get it in a sprinkler."

335
00:16:45,431 --> 00:16:47,111
"Make it rain down on me."

336
00:16:48,511 --> 00:16:49,831
"That's how we drink it at home."

337
00:16:53,631 --> 00:16:54,711
There was no work.

338
00:16:55,031 --> 00:16:56,031
The phone wouldn't ring.

339
00:16:56,551 --> 00:16:58,431
We would sit and play childish games.

340
00:16:59,191 --> 00:17:00,271
All day long!

341
00:17:00,791 --> 00:17:02,591
She was great at it, she'd beat me every time.

342
00:17:07,831 --> 00:17:08,951
Did he make you sit down?

343
00:17:09,591 --> 00:17:10,551
Where were you going?

344
00:17:10,591 --> 00:17:12,071
- Washroom.
- Washroom?

345
00:17:12,071 --> 00:17:13,751
What happened? You didn't let him go?

346
00:17:14,351 --> 00:17:15,751
What if he pees right here?

347
00:17:18,111 --> 00:17:19,111
What did you say?

348
00:17:21,231 --> 00:17:22,591
You said washroom to him?

349
00:17:23,431 --> 00:17:25,031
Were you just saying washroom to each other?

350
00:17:30,871 --> 00:17:32,751
Let him go, I'm feeling so bad now!

351
00:17:33,591 --> 00:17:34,471
Is it urgent?

352
00:17:36,671 --> 00:17:37,951
[pissing sounds]

353
00:17:50,111 --> 00:17:51,791
I shouldn't do this on the recording day!

354
00:17:56,631 --> 00:17:58,031
Sorry! Focus!

355
00:17:59,471 --> 00:18:00,351
Listen, bro.

356
00:18:01,831 --> 00:18:02,951
Don't laugh too hard, okay?

357
00:18:16,511 --> 00:18:18,551
Don't worry, we won't disturb. Let me do the show.

358
00:18:20,271 --> 00:18:22,191
Then one day, I found out that...

359
00:18:22,191 --> 00:18:24,511
...the Delhi office was a branch office.

360
00:18:25,311 --> 00:18:26,671
The head office was in Jaipur.

361
00:18:27,391 --> 00:18:29,191
I figured his geography was weak.

362
00:18:29,591 --> 00:18:30,591
I went outside and called him.

363
00:18:30,591 --> 00:18:32,311
"Sir, this is the capital."

364
00:18:33,111 --> 00:18:34,431
"Call this the head office."

365
00:18:34,751 --> 00:18:36,151
"There's two heads chilling here too."

366
00:18:38,431 --> 00:18:40,591
He said, "Actually, Jaipur has seven people."

367
00:18:42,191 --> 00:18:43,991
And I asked, "It's just 9 of us here?"

368
00:18:45,431 --> 00:18:47,911
He said yes, so I said, "You threw around words bigger than that!"

369
00:18:48,511 --> 00:18:51,431
"Company! Corporation! Institution!"

370
00:18:53,071 --> 00:18:54,871
"Could you have been more shameless about it?"

371
00:18:55,271 --> 00:18:57,151
The guy had HR assigned for 9 people.

372
00:18:58,911 --> 00:19:00,231
I used to really pity that HR person.

373
00:19:00,231 --> 00:19:01,751
She left a good job to come here.

374
00:19:02,471 --> 00:19:03,591
For this nonsense.

375
00:19:04,671 --> 00:19:06,391
So you know what the scene was?

376
00:19:06,391 --> 00:19:08,751
The scene with a start-up is that you can start one if you want.

377
00:19:10,031 --> 00:19:11,351
But don't do a job at a start-up.

378
00:19:12,551 --> 00:19:15,191
Because a start-up happens when a person dreams.

379
00:19:15,751 --> 00:19:18,071
And when you work there, the person shows you a dream...

380
00:19:19,031 --> 00:19:20,351
...about his dream coming true.

381
00:19:20,911 --> 00:19:22,231
Which is now your dream too.

382
00:19:22,831 --> 00:19:23,991
So instead of all this nonsense,

383
00:19:23,991 --> 00:19:25,471
...just get high, watch Inception and go to sleep.

384
00:19:30,391 --> 00:19:32,751
Either way, you're not going to understand a thing!

385
00:19:35,551 --> 00:19:37,031
That HR girl was really dedicated.

386
00:19:37,031 --> 00:19:38,231
She would mail me every day.

387
00:19:38,231 --> 00:19:40,151
"Attend all calls today before going home."

388
00:19:41,071 --> 00:19:42,311
I was like, listen.

389
00:19:43,311 --> 00:19:44,951
I can't even call my home.

390
00:19:45,791 --> 00:19:47,831
What kind of dungeon have you locked me in?

391
00:19:49,551 --> 00:19:51,471
She asked me to send a report to her after finishing work.

392
00:19:51,471 --> 00:19:52,631
But there's no work to do!

393
00:19:52,911 --> 00:19:53,911
What do I send to you?

394
00:19:54,431 --> 00:19:55,471
That we're playing childish games?

395
00:19:56,751 --> 00:19:57,831
So she would send mails,

396
00:19:57,831 --> 00:19:59,351
...and I would reply 'Okay' through a voice note.

397
00:20:00,951 --> 00:20:02,711
She wanted a mailed reply to the mail.

398
00:20:02,711 --> 00:20:04,111
I said, "Did you get the information?"

399
00:20:04,951 --> 00:20:06,631
"That is the purpose of communication."

400
00:20:07,271 --> 00:20:08,591
She said, "No, please send an mail."

401
00:20:08,591 --> 00:20:08,991
I asked why.

402
00:20:08,991 --> 00:20:10,391
She said, "I'm maintaining a record."

403
00:20:10,991 --> 00:20:12,831
I said, "Update your CV and get out of here!"

404
00:20:13,671 --> 00:20:15,431
"Go find a better job somewhere else."

405
00:20:15,431 --> 00:20:17,111
"I'm pretty useless, but why are you wasting your life?"

406
00:20:17,631 --> 00:20:18,711
She didn't understand.

407
00:20:19,351 --> 00:20:21,191
She told the boss that I don't send mails.

408
00:20:21,551 --> 00:20:22,871
And he told me to start sending mails.

409
00:20:22,871 --> 00:20:23,551
I said alright.

410
00:20:24,111 --> 00:20:25,351
Then I learnt how to send mails.

411
00:20:27,711 --> 00:20:29,511
I had never sent one! I had no clue how to!

412
00:20:29,871 --> 00:20:31,711
Sending a mail is so irritating!

413
00:20:31,991 --> 00:20:33,791
First you write the whole thing, then send it.

414
00:20:33,791 --> 00:20:35,271
It says, "Do you want to send this without a subject?"

415
00:20:35,271 --> 00:20:36,711
Oh, just get lost!

416
00:20:40,471 --> 00:20:41,991
Obviously, I want to send it.

417
00:20:42,311 --> 00:20:43,711
And what will I write in that one line...

418
00:20:43,711 --> 00:20:45,111
...that I can't write in the entire mail?

419
00:20:47,271 --> 00:20:48,591
So I sent mails for a few days.

420
00:20:48,711 --> 00:20:49,751
Then I started enjoying it.

421
00:20:51,391 --> 00:20:53,191
It was a pretty fun thing to do.

422
00:20:54,231 --> 00:20:56,151
Forget childish games, I'll play mail mail now.

423
00:20:57,111 --> 00:20:58,391
I'm sending mails first thing in the morning.

424
00:20:58,391 --> 00:20:59,271
"What's up?"

425
00:21:01,831 --> 00:21:03,391
The subject line would be "Subject".

426
00:21:05,111 --> 00:21:06,511
Try it out guys, it is so much fun!

427
00:21:07,231 --> 00:21:09,311
Send somebody a mail with "Subject" in the subject.

428
00:21:09,871 --> 00:21:11,791
The person first tries to refresh it.

429
00:21:18,471 --> 00:21:20,151
They think the mail didn't download.

430
00:21:21,271 --> 00:21:22,191
I would do that.

431
00:21:22,191 --> 00:21:24,071
"Subject" in the subject and "Please find the attachments".

432
00:21:26,071 --> 00:21:27,951
Then I'd get a voice note saying the attachment didn't come.

433
00:21:29,391 --> 00:21:30,631
There is no attachment!

434
00:21:31,711 --> 00:21:33,111
I'm just messing with you!

435
00:21:34,431 --> 00:21:35,831
The Jaipur people were such idiots.

436
00:21:35,831 --> 00:21:39,271
One day, I mailed them with
"Attachment 1" "Attachment 2" typed out.

437
00:21:46,631 --> 00:21:48,111
They were clicking on it.

438
00:21:49,351 --> 00:21:50,111
Saying they can't open it.

439
00:21:50,111 --> 00:21:51,991
I said, "It'll be an issue if you did open it!"

440
00:21:54,551 --> 00:21:56,631
I got a call from somebody from the technical team.

441
00:21:56,631 --> 00:21:57,831
I said, "You're a team of one!"

442
00:22:01,111 --> 00:22:02,751
"And calling yourself a Captain."

443
00:22:03,671 --> 00:22:05,271
He said there's a glitch in the system.

444
00:22:05,271 --> 00:22:06,631
I said, "I'm the glitch, dude!"

445
00:22:07,911 --> 00:22:09,631
"I typed it and sent the mail."

446
00:22:12,951 --> 00:22:14,991
One day, I cc'd and bcc'd everybody.

447
00:22:18,991 --> 00:22:20,751
Sorry, I didn't cc or bcc the people.

448
00:22:26,351 --> 00:22:28,191
There was no cc or bcc happening.

449
00:22:31,871 --> 00:22:32,831
Focus!

450
00:22:37,471 --> 00:22:39,791
Yes, so I cc'd and bcc's everyone.

451
00:22:43,071 --> 00:22:45,391
And wrote "Regards" in the mail.

452
00:22:48,551 --> 00:22:50,471
My boss is saying how the mail just says "Regards".

453
00:22:52,031 --> 00:22:53,951
I asked him why can't I just send my "Regards".

454
00:22:55,151 --> 00:22:57,191
I'm not a selfish employee.

455
00:23:04,551 --> 00:23:06,351
I felt the love and I sent it your way.

456
00:23:07,351 --> 00:23:08,831
Just accept my love, okay?

457
00:23:13,791 --> 00:23:15,631
So one day he called when I had an off.

458
00:23:15,631 --> 00:23:18,351
He said, "Bassi, come to Jaipur. We need to talk. It's important."

459
00:23:18,951 --> 00:23:20,031
I said, "Sir, look."

460
00:23:20,511 --> 00:23:22,431
"There's nothing so important in my life,"

461
00:23:23,191 --> 00:23:24,791
"...that I come to a different city to talk about it."

462
00:23:25,511 --> 00:23:27,351
"Just tell me on the phone and I'll say no to it."

463
00:23:29,951 --> 00:23:31,151
He said, "No, you have to come."

464
00:23:31,471 --> 00:23:32,831
I really didn't want to go.

465
00:23:33,351 --> 00:23:35,231
But he booked me a ticket on the Shatabdi.

466
00:23:35,831 --> 00:23:37,231
I went because I wanted the breakfast.

467
00:23:38,711 --> 00:23:40,191
They serve that raw cutlet?

468
00:23:43,231 --> 00:23:45,071
And there's always two tiny peas on the side.

469
00:23:45,831 --> 00:23:47,511
I still don't know what to do with them.

470
00:23:47,911 --> 00:23:49,871
People get angry if you chuck those at them.

471
00:23:50,911 --> 00:23:52,711
You have them too, just go play with it!

472
00:23:55,911 --> 00:23:56,991
Anyway, I reached Jaipur.

473
00:23:56,991 --> 00:23:58,511
I went and looked for his office.

474
00:23:58,751 --> 00:24:01,351
This idiot had taken the basement there too!

475
00:24:03,631 --> 00:24:05,031
I'm going down the stairs.

476
00:24:05,391 --> 00:24:06,351
He says, "Welcome to the company!"

477
00:24:06,351 --> 00:24:07,511
And I said, "Keep quiet, okay?"

478
00:24:09,311 --> 00:24:10,711
"Do you want to get insulted?"

479
00:24:11,431 --> 00:24:13,111
We go there and he says, "My company!"

480
00:24:13,671 --> 00:24:14,631
Corporation.

481
00:24:15,151 --> 00:24:16,191
Institution.

482
00:24:17,631 --> 00:24:19,591
They were sitting around a round table.

483
00:24:19,791 --> 00:24:21,591
They couldn't even complete the circle!

484
00:24:23,471 --> 00:24:24,951
It was a semi-circle!

485
00:24:26,431 --> 00:24:28,311
They used to talk about going to Singapore!

486
00:24:28,831 --> 00:24:30,831
I went and shook everybody's hand, saying hello.

487
00:24:30,991 --> 00:24:32,711
I saw HR and sent a mail saying "Hello!".

488
00:24:41,111 --> 00:24:42,151
We sat down.

489
00:24:42,671 --> 00:24:43,631
Lunch was served.

490
00:24:43,711 --> 00:24:46,271
I was just about to have my first bite.

491
00:24:46,591 --> 00:24:47,511
He said, "Bassi, tell us."

492
00:24:47,511 --> 00:24:49,511
"How can we take our start-up further?"

493
00:24:53,351 --> 00:24:54,951
I said, "I'll go buy my own lunch, it's fine."

494
00:24:56,111 --> 00:24:58,191
"Didn't I tell you to ask me over the phone?"

495
00:24:59,351 --> 00:25:00,551
"I would have said no right then!"

496
00:25:01,351 --> 00:25:02,711
He said, "But tell us your vision."

497
00:25:02,711 --> 00:25:03,551
I said, "Very poor!"

498
00:25:07,311 --> 00:25:09,511
He asked, "What can we do to push this start-up further?"

499
00:25:09,511 --> 00:25:10,671
I said, "Sir, listen. Two points."

500
00:25:12,031 --> 00:25:12,951
"First of all."

501
00:25:13,271 --> 00:25:14,351
"Has it even started?"

502
00:25:15,671 --> 00:25:17,231
"It'll go further after that."

503
00:25:17,591 --> 00:25:19,591
"And it needs to come up, not go further!"

504
00:25:20,431 --> 00:25:21,751
"At least get it to the ground floor."

505
00:25:22,591 --> 00:25:24,711
"We need a signal to come for life to move ahead."

506
00:25:25,871 --> 00:25:27,271
He said, "Of course, we'll do all of that."

507
00:25:27,271 --> 00:25:28,751
So I said, "Just hurry all of that up."

508
00:25:29,471 --> 00:25:30,951
Then he asked a few technical questions.

509
00:25:33,191 --> 00:25:35,231
I ignored them and started eating quickly.

510
00:25:37,871 --> 00:25:39,871
He said, "The way your profile is developing here..."

511
00:25:40,151 --> 00:25:41,791
"...somewhere, I feel that..."

512
00:25:41,991 --> 00:25:43,551
"...this company doesn't need you."

513
00:25:44,711 --> 00:25:47,431
I said, "Honestly sir, this company doesn't need any of us."

514
00:25:48,511 --> 00:25:50,191
"If you stayed at home from tomorrow,

515
00:25:50,191 --> 00:25:51,391
...it won't make any difference at all."

516
00:25:52,111 --> 00:25:53,991
He said, "Still, this is your last warning."

517
00:25:53,991 --> 00:25:55,191
I said, "Alright fine, go to hell."

518
00:25:56,071 --> 00:25:57,031
I came back to Delhi.

519
00:25:57,671 --> 00:26:00,031
I didn't go to office for a few days after,

520
00:26:00,191 --> 00:26:02,071
...so I didn't check my mails.

521
00:26:03,471 --> 00:26:05,431
It was the month end, so I was waiting...

522
00:26:05,511 --> 00:26:07,231
...for the salary to be credited to go live it up.

523
00:26:08,111 --> 00:26:08,911
It didn't come.

524
00:26:10,551 --> 00:26:12,511
I told the four boys that the salary didn't come.

525
00:26:12,991 --> 00:26:15,111
So Pandit tells me to call him up and threaten him!

526
00:26:16,591 --> 00:26:17,831
Threaten to quit the job!

527
00:26:18,471 --> 00:26:20,111
I called and said, "Sir!"

528
00:26:20,391 --> 00:26:21,351
"I'll leave the job!"

529
00:26:22,511 --> 00:26:23,711
He said, "Check your mail."

530
00:26:24,591 --> 00:26:26,311
I asked why, and he said, "I've fired you already."

531
00:26:27,551 --> 00:26:28,511
I said, "Daddy!"

532
00:26:30,071 --> 00:26:31,311
"Thirty five thousand, Daddy!"

533
00:26:31,951 --> 00:26:33,591
"I've taken a loan of forty thousand!"

534
00:26:33,711 --> 00:26:35,351
"I'll have to pay it back!"

535
00:26:36,111 --> 00:26:37,271
But he still fired me.

536
00:26:37,831 --> 00:26:38,831
I was sad for a few days.

537
00:26:38,831 --> 00:26:39,951
But then I saw that...

538
00:26:39,951 --> 00:26:41,791
...he forgot to take my mail ID and password.

539
00:26:44,751 --> 00:26:46,631
So my job was still going on!

540
00:26:47,111 --> 00:26:49,351
I sent a mail at 1:30 at night saying, "I will miss you all".

541
00:26:52,111 --> 00:26:53,351
Each word in a separate mail.

542
00:26:56,951 --> 00:26:58,391
"Where is my salary?"

543
00:26:59,591 --> 00:27:00,791
"Will you give."

544
00:27:02,071 --> 00:27:03,071
"Question mark."

545
00:27:04,111 --> 00:27:05,431
I didn't put the question mark, I wrote it.

546
00:27:05,431 --> 00:27:06,511
Question.

547
00:27:06,511 --> 00:27:07,391
Mark.

548
00:27:12,071 --> 00:27:13,111
I sent off all these mails.

549
00:27:13,111 --> 00:27:14,351
The technical team guy called in the morning.

550
00:27:14,351 --> 00:27:16,031
"Bassi dude, stop sending him mails."

551
00:27:16,631 --> 00:27:18,191
"His BP is always a little high."

552
00:27:18,791 --> 00:27:20,631
"He takes out his phone to check two things."

553
00:27:20,631 --> 00:27:21,631
"Whether you've mailed."

554
00:27:22,591 --> 00:27:23,871
"Or whether funding has come."

555
00:27:24,791 --> 00:27:26,551
I said, "Why did you tell me that?"

556
00:27:31,551 --> 00:27:33,471
I put "Funding" in the mail and sent it.

557
00:27:41,631 --> 00:27:43,391
And then he fired me properly.

558
00:27:45,671 --> 00:27:47,191
And then we chilled again for a few days.

559
00:27:47,831 --> 00:27:49,431
Then one day, we wanted to tease Pandit.

560
00:27:49,431 --> 00:27:50,791
We asked, "Pandit, what do you want to do in life?"

561
00:27:51,951 --> 00:27:52,831
He got all serious, and said...

562
00:27:52,831 --> 00:27:55,031
..."Guys, the five of us should take a three month break."

563
00:27:59,871 --> 00:28:01,831
The other four were lying down and then sat up.

564
00:28:03,551 --> 00:28:05,271
I said, "Bro, how do you take a break from a break?"

565
00:28:06,751 --> 00:28:07,471
In one breath, he said...

566
00:28:07,471 --> 00:28:09,591
..."Actually, we don't have perspective in our life..."

567
00:28:09,591 --> 00:28:11,591
"...which is why we take the wrong direction and fail."

568
00:28:12,511 --> 00:28:14,231
"Once we get perspective in our life,"

569
00:28:14,231 --> 00:28:15,871
"...we'll go in the right direction and be successful!"

570
00:28:16,311 --> 00:28:17,991
The four of us rushed at him.

571
00:28:18,911 --> 00:28:20,551
We knew he had pot in his pockets.

572
00:28:23,271 --> 00:28:24,711
And he's not sharing it with us!

573
00:28:25,551 --> 00:28:26,991
We searched, and we found it!

574
00:28:29,031 --> 00:28:30,631
I told Pandit to wait for 15 minutes.

575
00:28:30,951 --> 00:28:32,111
So we could be on the same page,

576
00:28:34,711 --> 00:28:36,511
...and then listen to this topic again.

577
00:28:36,791 --> 00:28:37,911
We'll definitely understand it.

578
00:28:39,511 --> 00:28:41,511
We asked him again after 15 minutes.

579
00:28:41,551 --> 00:28:42,991
He said we needed perspective in life.

580
00:28:42,991 --> 00:28:44,031
We said of course we do!

581
00:28:44,831 --> 00:28:46,111
It's an important thing to have!

582
00:28:46,551 --> 00:28:47,711
Where can we find it? Let's go!

583
00:28:49,151 --> 00:28:50,271
So we took a break.

584
00:28:51,751 --> 00:28:53,271
First we went to Kasaul for a week.

585
00:28:55,911 --> 00:28:57,831
We found other stuff, not perspective.

586
00:29:00,791 --> 00:29:01,671
Brilliant.

587
00:29:02,471 --> 00:29:03,431
Then we ran out of money.

588
00:29:03,431 --> 00:29:05,351
We figured we'll look for it in Delhi, it'll be cheaper.

589
00:29:05,991 --> 00:29:07,071
So we came back to Delhi.

590
00:29:07,791 --> 00:29:10,111
The five of us didn't even know what perspective is!

591
00:29:11,151 --> 00:29:12,591
Five boys, with the speaker on...

592
00:29:12,591 --> 00:29:14,391
...full volume every single night...

593
00:29:14,751 --> 00:29:15,791
...are listening to Sadhguru.

594
00:29:17,471 --> 00:29:18,591
While we drink.

595
00:29:20,191 --> 00:29:21,471
Sadhguru is saying nice things,

596
00:29:21,471 --> 00:29:23,311
...and we're doing cheers together!

597
00:29:29,631 --> 00:29:30,911
Sadhguru is being paused...

598
00:29:30,911 --> 00:29:32,551
...because we forgot to put in ice cubes.

599
00:29:34,551 --> 00:29:36,591
Sadhguru said it all, to leave the house.

600
00:29:37,191 --> 00:29:38,591
Understand people's sorrows.

601
00:29:38,911 --> 00:29:40,431
We did get out of the house.

602
00:29:40,671 --> 00:29:42,151
People understood our sorrows.

603
00:29:43,351 --> 00:29:45,431
I'm wondering if we saw the video in reverse!

604
00:29:46,951 --> 00:29:48,831
We watched every video with the word...

605
00:29:49,231 --> 00:29:50,271
...'Perspective' on YouTube.

606
00:29:51,631 --> 00:29:53,031
And I got really messed up one day.

607
00:29:53,711 --> 00:29:55,391
I hope it never happens to anybody else.

608
00:29:56,391 --> 00:29:57,191
Guys.

609
00:29:58,311 --> 00:29:59,511
A friend of mine had a good job,

610
00:29:59,511 --> 00:30:00,351
...so I decided to meet him.

611
00:30:00,351 --> 00:30:01,791
And steal some of his perspective.

612
00:30:03,511 --> 00:30:04,831
I was going to meet him.

613
00:30:04,831 --> 00:30:06,551
I downed a quarter and left home in the morning.

614
00:30:08,671 --> 00:30:10,191
We were on a break! Don't judge me!

615
00:30:11,631 --> 00:30:12,511
So I...

616
00:30:12,711 --> 00:30:15,071
...hadn't seen the sun in days when I left.

617
00:30:15,071 --> 00:30:17,071
It made my high go even higher.

618
00:30:17,551 --> 00:30:19,071
Ruined all of my calculations.

619
00:30:19,231 --> 00:30:21,831
I got to the metro station, and stairs were out of the question.

620
00:30:22,631 --> 00:30:23,511
The lift it is.

621
00:30:23,511 --> 00:30:24,991
I got so messed up.

622
00:30:25,711 --> 00:30:27,031
That day is when I first found out...

623
00:30:27,031 --> 00:30:29,031
...that some lifts open from both sides!

624
00:30:32,551 --> 00:30:33,991
No fucking idea!

625
00:30:34,751 --> 00:30:35,671
Really!

626
00:30:36,151 --> 00:30:37,831
I got into the lift with three other people.

627
00:30:38,151 --> 00:30:40,751
I pressed the button, and the doors shut. That's how it works.

628
00:30:41,831 --> 00:30:42,911
The lift went up,

629
00:30:43,831 --> 00:30:44,831
...and the lift stopped.

630
00:30:55,351 --> 00:30:56,751
And the lift went down again!

631
00:30:58,071 --> 00:30:59,431
What the hell was that about?

632
00:31:00,591 --> 00:31:02,911
And the three people disappeared on top of that!

633
00:31:09,591 --> 00:31:11,831
I was shitting my pants! Where were these three people?

634
00:31:13,271 --> 00:31:15,471
I clearly remember seeing three people here!

635
00:31:16,671 --> 00:31:18,471
Where were these fuckers going in such a hurry?

636
00:31:19,191 --> 00:31:20,991
Couldn't they see me facing the other way?

637
00:31:24,151 --> 00:31:25,951
Just tap me on the shoulder!

638
00:31:27,951 --> 00:31:29,431
Why are you ruining my life?

639
00:31:30,351 --> 00:31:31,671
They left without any warning!

640
00:31:32,111 --> 00:31:33,831
It went down and opened from the same side.

641
00:31:35,351 --> 00:31:36,711
I just ran back home!

642
00:31:38,271 --> 00:31:40,671
Like I'd new powers, not perspective!

643
00:31:41,751 --> 00:31:43,551
People are disappearing behind me!

644
00:31:44,671 --> 00:31:45,511
I went home and told all of them.

645
00:31:45,511 --> 00:31:47,151
"Get me some tea or I'll zap you out of existence, fuckers!"

646
00:31:51,831 --> 00:31:53,031
Then we discussed it for a week.

647
00:31:53,031 --> 00:31:54,751
How else can we use my powers?

648
00:31:56,231 --> 00:31:59,151
My friend Chaudhary asked me to get rid of his dad.

649
00:32:02,711 --> 00:32:04,311
Then all the money will come to us!

650
00:32:05,311 --> 00:32:06,951
I liked this idea, I could have done that.

651
00:32:07,751 --> 00:32:09,951
One day, Pandit says that there was nobody else in the lift.

652
00:32:12,111 --> 00:32:12,991
I asked what he meant?

653
00:32:13,071 --> 00:32:15,031
He said, "A lift has mirrors on three sides."

654
00:32:18,711 --> 00:32:20,111
"So you saw yourself over there!"

655
00:32:22,231 --> 00:32:23,791
I said, "You're just jealous of my power."

656
00:32:25,431 --> 00:32:27,231
"I'll make you disappear tonight, understood?"

657
00:32:29,071 --> 00:32:31,031
Then somebody told us that the doors open from both sides.

658
00:32:31,031 --> 00:32:31,871
I felt so bad.

659
00:32:32,791 --> 00:32:34,111
I lost all my powers.

660
00:32:35,511 --> 00:32:37,631
But then I figured that...

661
00:32:38,031 --> 00:32:39,631
...it could have been much worse.

662
00:32:39,911 --> 00:32:41,151
This was still doable.

663
00:32:41,591 --> 00:32:42,431
Really.

664
00:32:42,631 --> 00:32:43,991
Thank God that nobody came...

665
00:32:43,991 --> 00:32:45,271
...on the lift after they left!

666
00:32:50,631 --> 00:32:52,791
Imagine three kids going up the lift...

667
00:32:53,831 --> 00:32:55,831
...and three uncles getting in after they left.

668
00:32:57,871 --> 00:32:58,791
And if I had turned around then.

669
00:32:58,791 --> 00:33:00,351
"Kids? What the fuck!"

670
00:33:04,471 --> 00:33:05,791
"You grew up already?"

671
00:33:06,311 --> 00:33:07,951
"Since when have we been in the lift?"

672
00:33:12,671 --> 00:33:14,231
So our break was almost about to end.

673
00:33:14,231 --> 00:33:15,071
We didn't find perspective.

674
00:33:15,831 --> 00:33:17,831
We were having a round table conference one day.

675
00:33:19,671 --> 00:33:21,031
We were drinking of the floor, guys.

676
00:33:23,511 --> 00:33:25,231
Pandit was one peg ahead of us.

677
00:33:25,831 --> 00:33:27,431
He suddenly finished his peg,

678
00:33:27,791 --> 00:33:28,951
...and just stood up straight.

679
00:33:29,311 --> 00:33:30,271
He said nothing.

680
00:33:30,671 --> 00:33:32,071
We figured it was the booze.

681
00:33:33,151 --> 00:33:34,711
We'll be up with the next peg too.

682
00:33:35,271 --> 00:33:36,791
So we kept our pegs to the side.

683
00:33:37,511 --> 00:33:39,191
We wanted to see what was going on first.

684
00:33:40,871 --> 00:33:42,671
We'll have to tell his family what happened to him.

685
00:33:43,831 --> 00:33:45,191
We're annoying him too.

686
00:33:45,191 --> 00:33:46,031
"Pandit?

687
00:33:46,511 --> 00:33:47,351
Pandit!"

688
00:33:49,231 --> 00:33:50,751
He said, "I found perspective!"

689
00:33:51,351 --> 00:33:52,391
I said, "Show me what it looks like!"

690
00:33:53,951 --> 00:33:54,871
He said, "It's all in my head!"

691
00:33:54,871 --> 00:33:56,111
I said, "Then sit down and tell us about it!"

692
00:33:56,751 --> 00:33:57,551
So he sits down.

693
00:33:57,551 --> 00:33:58,511
I ask, "Is the booze alright?"

694
00:33:58,511 --> 00:33:59,551
He says yes, so I said, "Fine, then talk."

695
00:34:00,671 --> 00:34:01,951
You won't believe what he said.

696
00:34:01,991 --> 00:34:03,711
"I've decided that the five of us...

697
00:34:04,231 --> 00:34:05,591
...will become entreprenuers!"

698
00:34:07,391 --> 00:34:09,351
I said, "That word sounds awesome!"

699
00:34:10,031 --> 00:34:12,231
And only three out of us five could say the word out loud.

700
00:34:16,071 --> 00:34:17,711
Not one out of the five knew the spelling.

701
00:34:18,631 --> 00:34:19,831
One of them started with 'A'.

702
00:34:19,831 --> 00:34:20,951
I told him to calm down.

703
00:34:25,831 --> 00:34:27,391
We won't tell anybody what happened here.

704
00:34:29,391 --> 00:34:31,151
We asked Pandit how to become an entrepreneur.

705
00:34:31,671 --> 00:34:32,631
He said, "A start-up!"

706
00:34:32,631 --> 00:34:33,711
I said, "Don't ever say that word."

707
00:34:35,191 --> 00:34:37,071
"I haven't recovered from the last one."

708
00:34:37,671 --> 00:34:39,951
He said, "Your boss didn't have perspective!"

709
00:34:41,151 --> 00:34:42,511
"He was dumb, we'll be different."

710
00:34:42,991 --> 00:34:44,151
I asked, "What's so different?"

711
00:34:44,151 --> 00:34:45,351
He said, "We don't even need funding."

712
00:34:45,751 --> 00:34:46,911
I said, "How will we manage?"

713
00:34:47,031 --> 00:34:48,631
He said, "We'll borrow the money!"

714
00:34:49,991 --> 00:34:51,631
"Then we'll stop taking their calls!"

715
00:34:52,871 --> 00:34:54,431
I said, "We do that anyway!"

716
00:34:55,391 --> 00:34:57,511
So he says, "Same thing, but larger scale!"

717
00:34:58,431 --> 00:34:59,951
I said, "Great, let's do it!"

718
00:35:01,111 --> 00:35:01,911
He told us everything.

719
00:35:01,911 --> 00:35:03,391
We'll put money in our start-up once,

720
00:35:03,391 --> 00:35:04,791
...and the money will grow on trees!

721
00:35:05,671 --> 00:35:07,911
We'll have so much money, we won't be able to count it!

722
00:35:08,871 --> 00:35:10,831
Safari trips in six months, Ferrari rides in a year.

723
00:35:12,231 --> 00:35:13,711
All five of us will go to Goa in a Ferrari.

724
00:35:14,631 --> 00:35:16,671
We had no idea that a Ferrari doesn't fit five people.

725
00:35:19,311 --> 00:35:20,231
We were ready for it.

726
00:35:20,231 --> 00:35:21,551
This sounds like a plan.

727
00:35:22,751 --> 00:35:24,311
We asked Pandit the idea for the start-up.

728
00:35:24,551 --> 00:35:25,591
He said, "That's your problem!"

729
00:35:26,871 --> 00:35:28,431
I said, "Wait, did you just read the first chapter?"

730
00:35:30,831 --> 00:35:33,591
We sat down and discussed start-up ideas.

731
00:35:35,231 --> 00:35:37,671
Some of the ideas that night were so shit,

732
00:35:38,151 --> 00:35:39,551
...that if they were made public,

733
00:35:40,071 --> 00:35:41,951
...then for the first time in India's history,

734
00:35:41,951 --> 00:35:44,311
...the President would shoot five kids on sight!

735
00:35:48,911 --> 00:35:50,831
This kind of youth is not needed in the country, thanks.

736
00:35:52,351 --> 00:35:54,431
Our friend Chaudhary.

737
00:35:54,431 --> 00:35:56,191
He put his hand up like this to give his start-up idea.

738
00:35:56,751 --> 00:35:57,991
He's saying, "May I?"

739
00:35:58,911 --> 00:36:00,071
He was sitting right here.

740
00:36:00,591 --> 00:36:02,271
His "May I" danced across my face.

741
00:36:03,271 --> 00:36:04,551
Dude, just say it!

742
00:36:05,631 --> 00:36:08,351
He said, "We'll go hem and tailor sarees from house to house!"

743
00:36:13,511 --> 00:36:16,511
We waited for him to say it's a joke for two whole minutes.

744
00:36:18,111 --> 00:36:19,311
He didn't say it!

745
00:36:20,351 --> 00:36:22,031
I said, "Chaudhary, hem and tailor?"

746
00:36:22,791 --> 00:36:25,271
We don't even know if it's two words or one?

747
00:36:26,631 --> 00:36:28,751
Do you need a machine? Your mouth? What is it?

748
00:36:29,591 --> 00:36:30,871
And we'll do it at home?

749
00:36:32,071 --> 00:36:33,991
I said, "Chaudhary, we're law graduates!"

750
00:36:34,751 --> 00:36:35,951
"Think of something decent."

751
00:36:36,431 --> 00:36:38,071
He said, "This was the best I could do."

752
00:36:40,431 --> 00:36:42,071
I told him to go drink in the corner.

753
00:36:44,191 --> 00:36:46,751
Then another idea was to go deliver cigarettes at night.

754
00:36:47,591 --> 00:36:48,711
We looked at each other,

755
00:36:48,711 --> 00:36:50,111
...and figured we'd smoke all of them.

756
00:36:50,991 --> 00:36:52,711
It won't like nice to reach a customer,

757
00:36:59,151 --> 00:37:00,111
...smoking their cigarettes,

758
00:37:00,111 --> 00:37:01,511
...because their house was too far for us.

759
00:37:03,231 --> 00:37:04,751
Not a feasible idea.

760
00:37:05,471 --> 00:37:06,471
Finally, by the morning...

761
00:37:06,871 --> 00:37:08,391
...we trashed a lot of ideas and...

762
00:37:08,391 --> 00:37:10,191
...came to the conclusion that we'll open our own restaurant.

763
00:37:11,911 --> 00:37:13,471
I don't know why we thought that would work.

764
00:37:14,191 --> 00:37:15,191
Nobody had a problem with it.

765
00:37:15,471 --> 00:37:16,911
The five of us did a "Hurray!".

766
00:37:18,551 --> 00:37:20,791
Gave it a unique name like 'Fast Food Restaurant'.

767
00:37:23,951 --> 00:37:25,791
Took a loan from some guy and blocked him.

768
00:37:27,191 --> 00:37:28,511
He was asking us to pay it back!

769
00:37:29,151 --> 00:37:30,111
Does that make sense?

770
00:37:30,911 --> 00:37:32,031
Give and forget.

771
00:37:32,511 --> 00:37:33,711
We also took it and forgot.

772
00:37:38,471 --> 00:37:40,431
We got some more money from other places then.

773
00:37:40,431 --> 00:37:42,191
Because demonetization had just hit.

774
00:37:43,391 --> 00:37:44,791
So at that time, people were looking...

775
00:37:45,911 --> 00:37:47,431
...for accounts to put money in.

776
00:37:49,471 --> 00:37:50,631
We had those accounts.

777
00:37:51,391 --> 00:37:52,311
We were those people.

778
00:37:52,791 --> 00:37:53,751
A friend of ours called.

779
00:37:53,751 --> 00:37:55,911
His dad must have had money, so he called.

780
00:37:56,671 --> 00:37:58,231
"Bro, do you have space in your account?"

781
00:38:01,231 --> 00:38:02,511
I said, "That's all I have!"

782
00:38:04,871 --> 00:38:05,831
He asked...

783
00:38:06,311 --> 00:38:07,711
..."If I want to put some money in?"

784
00:38:07,711 --> 00:38:09,311
I said, "Do exactly as you want, bro!"

785
00:38:09,951 --> 00:38:12,111
I've done the passbook entries by hand.

786
00:38:12,471 --> 00:38:13,231
Really!

787
00:38:13,351 --> 00:38:14,591
There's nothing in it.

788
00:38:14,751 --> 00:38:16,871
He said, "If we do put the money,"

789
00:38:16,871 --> 00:38:18,311
"...will there be an income tax issue?"

790
00:38:20,831 --> 00:38:22,031
I said, "Bro, as far as I know..."

791
00:38:22,031 --> 00:38:24,031
"...for income tax, the first thing you need is an income!"

792
00:38:25,871 --> 00:38:27,151
"Which I have none of!"

793
00:38:27,511 --> 00:38:29,871
"And if the income tax people saw my balance,"

794
00:38:30,191 --> 00:38:31,911
"...they'll let me use the old notes."

795
00:38:32,751 --> 00:38:34,251
"Let this poor child breathe, guys."

796
00:38:34,751 --> 00:38:36,711
I had 37 paise in my account!

797
00:38:37,711 --> 00:38:39,911
I wouldn't hide my PIN at the ATM.

798
00:38:42,951 --> 00:38:44,391
I would hide the screen!

799
00:38:48,591 --> 00:38:50,671
So that nobody could see my balance!

800
00:38:51,151 --> 00:38:52,191
Otherwise they'll hug me...

801
00:38:52,191 --> 00:38:53,591
...about the tragedy I'm facing.

802
00:38:58,631 --> 00:39:00,711
Your account doesn't have enough money for a slip.

803
00:39:02,991 --> 00:39:04,671
I told a guy in the ATM to...

804
00:39:05,071 --> 00:39:05,871
...step back a little.

805
00:39:06,551 --> 00:39:07,711
He said, "I won't look at your PIN."

806
00:39:07,711 --> 00:39:08,991
I said, "3452."

807
00:39:14,071 --> 00:39:15,991
PIN isn't even a concern!

808
00:39:16,911 --> 00:39:18,191
I want to hide the screen, that's all.

809
00:39:20,391 --> 00:39:22,231
My balance was always less than my PIN.

810
00:39:25,631 --> 00:39:27,431
I had to change it to 0000.

811
00:39:28,751 --> 00:39:30,431
So that the balance doesn't feel bad.

812
00:39:32,911 --> 00:39:33,791
You know the Delhi metro?

813
00:39:33,791 --> 00:39:35,751
You get a metro card, with a security deposit...

814
00:39:35,751 --> 00:39:36,511
...of 50 rupees.

815
00:39:39,311 --> 00:39:40,511
That was my Fixed Deposit!

816
00:39:42,351 --> 00:39:43,431
I would always think...

817
00:39:43,431 --> 00:39:44,831
...that we'll break the FD, it's all good!

818
00:39:47,151 --> 00:39:49,111
This girl really shocked the hell out of me one day.

819
00:39:49,471 --> 00:39:50,471
We were at the metro.

820
00:39:50,871 --> 00:39:51,951
She swiped her metro card.

821
00:39:51,951 --> 00:39:53,391
The card had 1500 rupees in it!

822
00:39:54,631 --> 00:39:55,751
I got shit scared, for a second I thought...

823
00:39:55,751 --> 00:39:56,911
...she's put her ATM card instead!

824
00:40:00,031 --> 00:40:01,271
It's fine, you won't get it.

825
00:40:01,271 --> 00:40:02,671
We'll talk about it when you have a metro.

826
00:40:10,151 --> 00:40:11,031
So, then.

827
00:40:11,431 --> 00:40:13,671
We got the money, so we started.

828
00:40:14,871 --> 00:40:16,791
We took a shitty shop in a lovely market.

829
00:40:18,751 --> 00:40:21,191
That shop had one chef and two helpers.

830
00:40:21,711 --> 00:40:22,911
And five owners!

831
00:40:25,311 --> 00:40:27,791
Five being two jaat, two gujjar and one pandit.

832
00:40:28,751 --> 00:40:31,031
Food industry knowledge? Zero.

833
00:40:31,751 --> 00:40:32,791
Business sense?

834
00:40:33,071 --> 00:40:34,071
Negative.

835
00:40:34,991 --> 00:40:36,551
Respect? We haven't heard about it.

836
00:40:37,111 --> 00:40:39,071
We'd sit there looking pretty, because entrepreneurs!

837
00:40:40,151 --> 00:40:41,311
Chaudhary couldn't even say it!

838
00:40:41,311 --> 00:40:42,631
It was always, "What he said."

839
00:40:49,711 --> 00:40:51,711
Nobody came to our shop in four or five days.

840
00:40:52,511 --> 00:40:53,711
We couldn't get there for two days.

841
00:40:54,911 --> 00:40:56,031
We just kept sleeping.

842
00:40:57,751 --> 00:40:59,351
The guy with the good luck charms showed up.

843
00:40:59,711 --> 00:41:00,471
We asked him what's up?

844
00:41:00,471 --> 00:41:01,831
He said, "This will protect your luck."

845
00:41:02,711 --> 00:41:04,271
I said, "We're good with bad luck too!"

846
00:41:05,591 --> 00:41:06,431
Let something happen!

847
00:41:06,951 --> 00:41:07,831
We made him a customer!

848
00:41:07,831 --> 00:41:08,911
"Order something and go, okay?

849
00:41:10,671 --> 00:41:11,591
So we...

850
00:41:11,871 --> 00:41:13,911
...bought that register that separates the notes.

851
00:41:16,551 --> 00:41:18,151
Each slot had ten rupee notes!

852
00:41:18,951 --> 00:41:20,751
We had 55 rupees worth of assets.

853
00:41:21,791 --> 00:41:23,191
The five of us would protect it.

854
00:41:24,111 --> 00:41:25,031
With a padlock.

855
00:41:25,711 --> 00:41:26,991
We had five keys to it.

856
00:41:27,671 --> 00:41:29,111
We had the keys kept on our waist.

857
00:41:29,431 --> 00:41:30,431
We were proper housewives.

858
00:41:33,231 --> 00:41:34,151
The five of us would surround it.

859
00:41:34,151 --> 00:41:35,711
"What should we do with this much cash?"

860
00:41:37,231 --> 00:41:38,591
"Should we buy the Ferrari in cash?"

861
00:41:40,591 --> 00:41:41,671
We would be messing around,

862
00:41:41,671 --> 00:41:42,631
...while somebody comes from...

863
00:41:42,631 --> 00:41:43,871
...another shop to break up 2000 bucks.

864
00:41:45,831 --> 00:41:47,271
First we got him to show us the note.

865
00:41:48,791 --> 00:41:50,031
I said, "Just take the house keys."

866
00:41:50,031 --> 00:41:51,591
"There's a cheque for 1800 rupees there."

867
00:41:58,751 --> 00:41:59,991
"Go get your change from that, go!"

868
00:42:00,231 --> 00:42:01,511
"Don't annoy us, okay?"

869
00:42:01,511 --> 00:42:02,551
"We have perspective to find."

870
00:42:05,551 --> 00:42:06,991
Then after two weeks, we figured...

871
00:42:06,991 --> 00:42:08,111
...that people weren't coming...

872
00:42:08,111 --> 00:42:09,751
...because we didn't distribute any of the...

873
00:42:09,951 --> 00:42:10,871
...pamphlets we got printed.

874
00:42:12,871 --> 00:42:14,831
They were sitting there, and we ignored them every day.

875
00:42:15,431 --> 00:42:16,871
Then we figured we should distribute them.

876
00:42:17,231 --> 00:42:18,871
So we hired a guy.

877
00:42:18,871 --> 00:42:20,311
Gave him 100-150 pamphlets.

878
00:42:20,391 --> 00:42:21,351
He ran away with them.

879
00:42:21,911 --> 00:42:23,351
We found someone just like us!

880
00:42:24,231 --> 00:42:26,031
Then we wasted some time looking for him.

881
00:42:26,911 --> 00:42:28,951
We decided to take the responsibility ourselves.

882
00:42:29,351 --> 00:42:31,271
So we would distribute them outside the shop.

883
00:42:32,111 --> 00:42:33,511
Some people would take them, some wouldn't.

884
00:42:33,831 --> 00:42:35,631
Haven't you seen boys standing outside, distributing them?

885
00:42:35,631 --> 00:42:36,871
You guys ignore them and leave.

886
00:42:37,471 --> 00:42:38,671
Just take one, alright?

887
00:42:39,351 --> 00:42:40,511
Go throw it away later.

888
00:42:41,231 --> 00:42:42,391
Somebody's finding perspective.

889
00:42:45,111 --> 00:42:47,071
We would distribute them, and you know...

890
00:42:47,391 --> 00:42:49,591
...there came a time when too many people ignored us.

891
00:42:49,751 --> 00:42:50,751
And then we felt bad.

892
00:42:51,631 --> 00:42:53,351
Then we started ignoring the people.

893
00:42:54,471 --> 00:42:56,431
We would hold the pamphlet and
the person would reach for it,

894
00:43:01,191 --> 00:43:03,591
...and we'd tell them to get a move on!

895
00:43:07,031 --> 00:43:09,391
So the five of us would stand outside.

896
00:43:09,511 --> 00:43:10,631
And the five of us were bulky.

897
00:43:10,991 --> 00:43:13,031
So people coming there would think we're fighting.

898
00:43:14,911 --> 00:43:16,751
Because we would be so hyper.

899
00:43:17,511 --> 00:43:19,471
They would see us and turn around.

900
00:43:20,551 --> 00:43:21,791
We're not just messing with...

901
00:43:21,791 --> 00:43:23,711
...our profits, but everybody's profits.

902
00:43:25,431 --> 00:43:27,271
We're not letting customers enter the lane!

903
00:43:28,031 --> 00:43:29,431
All the shopkeepers there...

904
00:43:29,431 --> 00:43:31,071
...would ask us to go sit inside.

905
00:43:31,271 --> 00:43:32,591
We said no, it's our perspective time.

906
00:43:32,591 --> 00:43:33,271
Stay away.

907
00:43:34,871 --> 00:43:36,191
We were just joking around...

908
00:43:36,471 --> 00:43:37,631
One day we made a chain

909
00:43:40,591 --> 00:43:41,911
We surrounded 2 guys coming our way,

910
00:43:42,751 --> 00:43:44,071
pulled them inside and told them, "Come inside, we'll eat something."

911
00:43:45,031 --> 00:43:45,871
And they even ate!

912
00:43:45,871 --> 00:43:47,071
We were like, "This is so cool!"

913
00:43:47,471 --> 00:43:48,791
We'll pick up people and drag them inside!

914
00:43:49,191 --> 00:43:50,951
Then, the neighbouring shop owners told us,

915
00:43:50,991 --> 00:43:51,831
have some decency.

916
00:43:52,471 --> 00:43:54,071
We were like, "Okay, we will do it with decency."

917
00:43:54,231 --> 00:43:55,751
We were standing outside nicely.

918
00:43:56,231 --> 00:43:57,231
Distributing pamphlets.

919
00:43:57,351 --> 00:43:58,311
While talking in English.

920
00:43:59,351 --> 00:44:01,551
A 17-18 year old kid comes, so full of himself.

921
00:44:02,631 --> 00:44:03,991
I don't know why he looked happy.

922
00:44:06,031 --> 00:44:07,431
Chaudhary gave him a pamphlet.

923
00:44:08,031 --> 00:44:08,911
He took it.

924
00:44:09,511 --> 00:44:10,351
Tore it up.

925
00:44:11,271 --> 00:44:12,351
Said fuck off.

926
00:44:13,151 --> 00:44:14,111
And then walked off.

927
00:44:15,111 --> 00:44:16,351
We made a chain.

928
00:44:17,711 --> 00:44:18,671
Surrounded him.

929
00:44:19,751 --> 00:44:21,591
We said, "Listen up, you naive child!"

930
00:44:22,191 --> 00:44:23,751
"We know this shop will shut down."

931
00:44:24,511 --> 00:44:25,831
"But we know we won't."

932
00:44:26,751 --> 00:44:28,671
"Why did you try to insult us?"

933
00:44:29,231 --> 00:44:31,471
Chaudhary turned his face to his own.

934
00:44:34,271 --> 00:44:36,191
We said, "Don't hurt him! Customer is king!"

935
00:44:36,831 --> 00:44:38,311
He said, "Maybe from tomorrow!"

936
00:44:42,471 --> 00:44:44,311
Gives him a premium slap.

937
00:44:45,991 --> 00:44:47,071
And we're hi-fiving behind him.

938
00:44:47,071 --> 00:44:48,471
"What a shot! Amazing!"

939
00:44:50,351 --> 00:44:52,111
They boy got slapped and told us to wait there.

940
00:44:52,751 --> 00:44:54,191
I said, "Where will we run off with our shop?"

941
00:44:55,991 --> 00:44:57,791
"We're staying here, you get moving!"

942
00:44:58,911 --> 00:44:59,831
He said, "I'll be right back!"

943
00:44:59,991 --> 00:45:01,071
We said, "Is that a threat?"

944
00:45:01,631 --> 00:45:02,871
He said yes, so we got pumped!

945
00:45:03,351 --> 00:45:04,791
We're going to fight, and have fun.

946
00:45:06,511 --> 00:45:08,151
We hadn't had a single fight since college!

947
00:45:08,591 --> 00:45:10,591
So we said, "Go, go! Hurry up! We're waiting."

948
00:45:11,071 --> 00:45:13,231
He went, and we went to get the large spoons from the shop.

949
00:45:14,831 --> 00:45:16,271
They weren't getting used anyway.

950
00:45:18,151 --> 00:45:19,991
Everybody collected their instruments.

951
00:45:21,071 --> 00:45:22,711
Pandit brought a plastic bucket.

952
00:45:24,831 --> 00:45:26,831
We asked, "Who will you take down with this, O warrior?"

953
00:45:28,111 --> 00:45:29,191
He went and sat on it.

954
00:45:29,191 --> 00:45:30,551
He said, "I'll enjoy the fight!"

955
00:45:32,311 --> 00:45:34,151
We were wondering if we had that option too.

956
00:45:35,191 --> 00:45:36,791
Chaudhary took a huge spoon...

957
00:45:37,271 --> 00:45:38,591
...and put it in his t-shirt.

958
00:45:39,591 --> 00:45:40,271
What was he doing?

959
00:45:40,271 --> 00:45:41,271
He said, "When he comes back,"

960
00:45:41,271 --> 00:45:42,351
"...then I'll take it out like this!"

961
00:45:45,791 --> 00:45:47,351
"Just see, he'll get scared!"

962
00:45:47,791 --> 00:45:48,831
I just agreed.

963
00:45:48,831 --> 00:45:50,471
We practiced outside.

964
00:45:53,711 --> 00:45:56,351
The kid came, and brought a policeman along.

965
00:45:58,271 --> 00:45:59,911
We threw away our spoons!

966
00:46:00,671 --> 00:46:02,191
This was out of syllabus for us!

967
00:46:03,551 --> 00:46:05,591
Who finds a policeman for getting slapped?

968
00:46:06,791 --> 00:46:08,431
The policeman is standing, asking questions.

969
00:46:08,991 --> 00:46:10,151
"Who's the owner?"

970
00:46:14,391 --> 00:46:16,431
I said, "Sir, ask who all are the owners?"

971
00:46:17,791 --> 00:46:18,591
He said, "Who all?"

972
00:46:18,591 --> 00:46:19,831
I said, "All of us!"

973
00:46:20,751 --> 00:46:22,551
He said, "I don't have that many people back at the station!"

974
00:46:24,591 --> 00:46:25,911
"What are you guys up to?"

975
00:46:27,071 --> 00:46:28,031
I said, "Why are you here?"

976
00:46:28,031 --> 00:46:29,111
He said, "Did you beat this boy up?"

977
00:46:29,791 --> 00:46:30,631
I said, "Little little."

978
00:46:32,231 --> 00:46:33,591
"One slap. This guy."

979
00:46:35,431 --> 00:46:38,951
I gestured to Chaudhary and he's doing this in front of the police.

980
00:46:43,071 --> 00:46:46,231
"Dude, he'll beat you up with that!"

981
00:46:47,231 --> 00:46:48,711
The policeman is on a different tangent.

982
00:46:49,151 --> 00:46:51,511
"This boy told me everything, you ganged up on him!"

983
00:46:52,071 --> 00:46:54,431
"You'll be put in for IPC section 323."

984
00:46:55,471 --> 00:46:56,711
Pandit got up from the bucket.

985
00:46:57,551 --> 00:46:58,391
He says come here.

986
00:47:00,671 --> 00:47:01,911
Then said, "We are lawyers!"

987
00:47:03,351 --> 00:47:05,711
Guys, just one out of us five remembered...

988
00:47:15,071 --> 00:47:18,231
...and the other four went in a chorus, "Oh yeah!"

989
00:47:22,671 --> 00:47:24,471
"We're lawyers, aren't we?"

990
00:47:25,311 --> 00:47:26,951
We said, "Hey, we're lawyers, okay?"

991
00:47:27,391 --> 00:47:29,911
He said, "You can still be arrested."

992
00:47:31,191 --> 00:47:32,791
I said, "Being a lawyer doesn't help?"

993
00:47:33,991 --> 00:47:36,231
He said no, so I asked, "Then why did we tell him?"

994
00:47:37,911 --> 00:47:39,471
I asked Pandit, "What is 323?"

995
00:47:40,551 --> 00:47:42,151
He said, "I'm an entrepreneur, bro."

996
00:47:46,271 --> 00:47:48,471
We would have given him some money and sent him away.

997
00:47:48,911 --> 00:47:50,511
He shut down our shop for a day.

998
00:47:51,271 --> 00:47:52,511
We lost millions.

999
00:47:55,751 --> 00:47:57,471
We didn't sell anything, but we had fun.

1000
00:47:57,711 --> 00:47:59,871
Because we had such fun characters in life.

1001
00:48:00,471 --> 00:48:02,191
Chaudhary has made life so much fun for us.

1002
00:48:02,831 --> 00:48:03,951
The hem and tailor guy.

1003
00:48:07,591 --> 00:48:08,831
How do I explain Chaudhary?

1004
00:48:09,071 --> 00:48:10,991
He's a fucking moron.

1005
00:48:12,031 --> 00:48:13,231
Certified.

1006
00:48:14,231 --> 00:48:15,591
Honestly, when you talk to him, it feels like...

1007
00:48:15,591 --> 00:48:17,991
...he wasn't in the room when they were
handing out the brains.

1008
00:48:20,671 --> 00:48:22,231
His stomach rules his head.

1009
00:48:24,071 --> 00:48:25,551
He's such a useless fellow.

1010
00:48:26,351 --> 00:48:27,871
He got a voice note on his phone one day.

1011
00:48:27,871 --> 00:48:28,831
I asked him to forward it.

1012
00:48:28,831 --> 00:48:30,151
He sent me a screenshot of it.

1013
00:48:35,431 --> 00:48:37,311
I can see that there's a voice note.

1014
00:48:38,231 --> 00:48:40,031
But it's not like I can listen to it.

1015
00:48:40,871 --> 00:48:42,551
After that, he sends me a voice note...

1016
00:48:42,551 --> 00:48:43,871
...asking why I didn't listen to it.

1017
00:48:48,191 --> 00:48:50,031
We call him our best friend.

1018
00:48:51,751 --> 00:48:53,351
Because we don't want anybody else to have him.

1019
00:48:54,231 --> 00:48:56,671
He'll get murdered if he joins another friend group.

1020
00:48:57,191 --> 00:48:58,591
We're the only ones dealing with him.

1021
00:48:59,151 --> 00:49:00,111
He's really useless.

1022
00:49:00,111 --> 00:49:01,831
You know how he missed his flight once?

1023
00:49:02,511 --> 00:49:05,071
The TV with the Delayed status and all?

1024
00:49:05,231 --> 00:49:06,791
He took a photo of it and went to the lounge.

1025
00:49:11,831 --> 00:49:13,671
Then he checked the photo every ten minutes,

1026
00:49:15,271 --> 00:49:17,151
...wondering why it's still delayed.

1027
00:49:20,711 --> 00:49:23,231
He legit has the funniest questions.

1028
00:49:23,431 --> 00:49:25,391
Don't judge the guy yet, listen to the question first.

1029
00:49:27,551 --> 00:49:29,311
We were standing at a metro station in Delhi.

1030
00:49:29,311 --> 00:49:31,031
He calls me over and says, "Bro, I have a question."

1031
00:49:31,431 --> 00:49:32,671
I knew it would be something idiotic.

1032
00:49:33,711 --> 00:49:35,031
He was holding his stomach-brain.

1033
00:49:37,951 --> 00:49:39,031
He says, "Look, bro."

1034
00:49:39,231 --> 00:49:42,271
"They made one escalator to go up."

1035
00:49:42,391 --> 00:49:43,271
I said yes.

1036
00:49:43,671 --> 00:49:45,391
"They made one to go down too."

1037
00:49:45,831 --> 00:49:46,591
I said yes.

1038
00:49:46,591 --> 00:49:48,271
"So why did they make one staircase?"

1039
00:49:55,471 --> 00:49:56,311
Guys.

1040
00:49:56,591 --> 00:49:58,871
Both departing metros came screeching back.

1041
00:50:01,231 --> 00:50:03,111
People stormed out of the windows.

1042
00:50:03,831 --> 00:50:05,151
Just to show him that...

1043
00:50:05,151 --> 00:50:06,431
...one staircase is enough.

1044
00:50:07,111 --> 00:50:08,671
You don't need two staircases.

1045
00:50:10,711 --> 00:50:12,751
We started putting an I-card on his neck from then.

1046
00:50:13,791 --> 00:50:15,791
At least he'll get dropped home if he's beaten up.

1047
00:50:25,231 --> 00:50:26,911
I looked at his phone and...

1048
00:50:28,111 --> 00:50:30,151
...saw a WhatsApp group with him and his younger sister.

1049
00:50:33,791 --> 00:50:35,031
Guys, a group with two people.

1050
00:50:36,031 --> 00:50:37,551
Why aren't you guys just chatting?

1051
00:50:38,111 --> 00:50:39,871
The group is called "Big Bro and Big Sis".

1052
00:50:41,271 --> 00:50:43,111
What do I call that, even?

1053
00:50:43,751 --> 00:50:45,751
How is she the big sister if you're the big brother?

1054
00:50:46,911 --> 00:50:48,151
But they're happily at it.

1055
00:50:51,191 --> 00:50:52,151
Guys.

1056
00:50:54,031 --> 00:50:55,471
This was a recent thing.

1057
00:50:56,431 --> 00:50:58,151
Us friends were going on a flight.

1058
00:50:58,151 --> 00:51:00,191
He was the last to enter the airport.

1059
00:51:00,351 --> 00:51:01,671
We got to the security check.

1060
00:51:01,951 --> 00:51:03,431
He went to the guard.

1061
00:51:04,951 --> 00:51:05,711
Checking happened.

1062
00:51:05,751 --> 00:51:07,351
The guard said turn around, so he turned around.

1063
00:51:07,671 --> 00:51:09,031
The guard said go, so he went.

1064
00:51:18,111 --> 00:51:19,751
Have you ever seen a security guard...

1065
00:51:19,751 --> 00:51:21,151
...do their own checking?

1066
00:51:22,271 --> 00:51:24,591
He was panicking about having a bomb strapped to him.

1067
00:51:30,471 --> 00:51:31,551
We ran out and...

1068
00:51:31,551 --> 00:51:33,071
...told him our boy is useless.

1069
00:51:34,111 --> 00:51:34,991
We made him come back.

1070
00:51:34,991 --> 00:51:35,391
Lets go!

1071
00:51:36,471 --> 00:51:38,071
He's coming and saying, "The guy asked me to leave."

1072
00:51:38,071 --> 00:51:38,831
I said yes.

1073
00:51:39,831 --> 00:51:41,471
It's all our fault. Just move now.

1074
00:51:47,551 --> 00:51:49,471
When we were at the university in Lucknow,

1075
00:51:50,111 --> 00:51:52,391
...we were going to Bangalore to play a tournament.

1076
00:51:52,431 --> 00:51:54,311
Our team didn't have a ticket and we were late.

1077
00:51:54,311 --> 00:51:56,071
We said no worries, we'll figure at the railway station.

1078
00:51:56,431 --> 00:51:58,231
We went to the station, looked up the Bangalore train.

1079
00:51:58,231 --> 00:52:00,111
There was no AC or Sleeper ticket available.

1080
00:52:00,511 --> 00:52:02,711
I asked Chaudhary to go in the General Compartment.

1081
00:52:03,191 --> 00:52:04,751
He said, "We're not taking General."

1082
00:52:05,511 --> 00:52:06,071
I asked why.

1083
00:52:06,071 --> 00:52:07,511
He said, "We'll get even more late then!"

1084
00:52:14,311 --> 00:52:16,111
For five minutes after, we also wondered...

1085
00:52:18,871 --> 00:52:21,031
...if the general compartment gets left behind.

1086
00:52:23,671 --> 00:52:25,431
We'll all reach at the same time!

1087
00:52:26,351 --> 00:52:28,111
Guys, from Lucknow to Bangalore.

1088
00:52:28,551 --> 00:52:30,031
Almost a day and a half.

1089
00:52:30,591 --> 00:52:32,871
This boy could not understand the concept.

1090
00:52:33,711 --> 00:52:35,911
The train was genuinely late in reaching.

1091
00:52:38,871 --> 00:52:41,111
So he goes, "I told you so!"

1092
00:52:46,951 --> 00:52:48,391
He was leaving my hostel room once.

1093
00:52:48,391 --> 00:52:49,431
I told him, "Just turn off..."

1094
00:52:49,431 --> 00:52:50,831
"...the last two switches when you leave."

1095
00:52:51,631 --> 00:52:52,631
Is this a numerical?

1096
00:52:54,111 --> 00:52:55,671
He turned off the last two switches.

1097
00:52:56,431 --> 00:52:57,271
One from here.

1098
00:53:00,511 --> 00:53:01,431
And one from here.

1099
00:53:02,711 --> 00:53:04,191
How do you manage that?

1100
00:53:04,991 --> 00:53:06,751
How dumb do you have to be?

1101
00:53:07,991 --> 00:53:09,231
This is a switchboard.

1102
00:53:09,511 --> 00:53:10,991
It has four switches.

1103
00:53:11,471 --> 00:53:12,991
Chaudhary stood in front of it.

1104
00:53:13,991 --> 00:53:15,511
"Both of the last switches."

1105
00:53:17,151 --> 00:53:18,551
"So this is today's challenge."

1106
00:53:20,351 --> 00:53:22,431
This one is last from here.

1107
00:53:23,271 --> 00:53:24,991
And this one is last from here.

1108
00:53:25,951 --> 00:53:27,831
If I had said the last three,

1109
00:53:29,751 --> 00:53:31,591
...he would died right there.

1110
00:53:36,271 --> 00:53:37,911
Like, this was too tough for me.

1111
00:53:39,471 --> 00:53:41,791
We gave this brilliant man a Roadies level task one day.

1112
00:53:43,271 --> 00:53:45,111
There was a whiteboard and marker at our shop.

1113
00:53:46,511 --> 00:53:48,831
We gave it to him to write something attractive on it.

1114
00:53:48,871 --> 00:53:49,871
And keep it outside.

1115
00:53:50,511 --> 00:53:53,071
Maybe the customers will read it and come inside.

1116
00:53:56,031 --> 00:53:57,871
Even if he had just written "Attractive" on it,

1117
00:53:59,031 --> 00:54:00,151
...we would have forgiven him.

1118
00:54:01,151 --> 00:54:02,591
But he put his stomach-brain to it.

1119
00:54:04,591 --> 00:54:05,831
The guy wrote...

1120
00:54:05,951 --> 00:54:06,951
..."Free Entry!"

1121
00:54:09,551 --> 00:54:11,191
I asked, "Chaudhary, is this an amusement park?"

1122
00:54:12,951 --> 00:54:14,071
"Is this a night club?"

1123
00:54:14,471 --> 00:54:16,311
"Listen, write Stag Entry Not Allowed under it."

1124
00:54:17,511 --> 00:54:18,831
The five of us can leave then.

1125
00:54:20,911 --> 00:54:22,751
We told him to just erase it and keep it aside.

1126
00:54:23,311 --> 00:54:25,151
So he showed up first to the shop, the next day.

1127
00:54:25,431 --> 00:54:26,751
Without telling us,

1128
00:54:27,311 --> 00:54:28,471
...he wrote something on it.

1129
00:54:29,231 --> 00:54:30,511
Which he had read somewhere.

1130
00:54:31,271 --> 00:54:32,951
He wrote "We bake our own bread."

1131
00:54:36,191 --> 00:54:38,111
That's the Subway slogan!

1132
00:54:38,911 --> 00:54:40,591
He figured that it looked great.

1133
00:54:41,391 --> 00:54:42,711
So we should put it up too.

1134
00:54:43,471 --> 00:54:46,111
We used to buy bread from the shop next to us.

1135
00:54:48,911 --> 00:54:50,191
There wasn't a back door either.

1136
00:54:50,191 --> 00:54:51,591
It was done if front of everybody.

1137
00:54:53,551 --> 00:54:55,631
With the money that the customer just gave to us.

1138
00:54:56,511 --> 00:54:58,231
We'd go after getting an order!

1139
00:54:59,311 --> 00:55:01,471
One order for a sandwich, and we all ran out.

1140
00:55:02,031 --> 00:55:03,591
"Uncle, give us bread! We have an order!"

1141
00:55:04,231 --> 00:55:06,111
The guy ordering asked, "What's written here, then?"

1142
00:55:06,111 --> 00:55:07,031
I asked, "What does it say?"

1143
00:55:07,471 --> 00:55:09,071
Chaudhary, you fucking moron!

1144
00:55:11,511 --> 00:55:12,871
So we suspended Chaudhary.

1145
00:55:13,711 --> 00:55:15,271
Don't show us your face for three days.

1146
00:55:16,071 --> 00:55:16,791
He says, "What do I do?"

1147
00:55:16,791 --> 00:55:17,871
I said, "Send me a mail!"

1148
00:55:22,071 --> 00:55:23,511
He would mail us with, "How's the sale?"

1149
00:55:24,791 --> 00:55:26,071
We would reply, "Low, sir!"

1150
00:55:33,071 --> 00:55:35,191
We had a good concept.

1151
00:55:35,671 --> 00:55:37,191
We couldn't execute it.

1152
00:55:37,511 --> 00:55:38,791
We had an amazing concept.

1153
00:55:38,951 --> 00:55:40,431
The bun of the veg burger?

1154
00:55:40,431 --> 00:55:41,391
That will be green in colour.

1155
00:55:43,191 --> 00:55:44,151
Non veg?

1156
00:55:44,991 --> 00:55:45,831
Red coloured.

1157
00:55:45,871 --> 00:55:46,991
Isn't it amazing?

1158
00:55:47,471 --> 00:55:48,791
The only problem was that...

1159
00:55:48,831 --> 00:55:50,031
...these red and green buns...

1160
00:55:50,031 --> 00:55:51,631
...had to be ordered a day in advance.

1161
00:55:52,431 --> 00:55:53,831
So we would order a 100 pieces.

1162
00:55:54,991 --> 00:55:56,351
We would sell 2 burgers.

1163
00:55:57,111 --> 00:55:59,231
And 98 of those buns would go bad every day.

1164
00:55:59,511 --> 00:56:01,111
Five boys would be standing in front of a park,

1165
00:56:01,111 --> 00:56:02,551
...feeding them to the cows.

1166
00:56:03,791 --> 00:56:05,471
"Come on, eat them! You're looking weak!"

1167
00:56:06,591 --> 00:56:08,391
"We're entrepreneurs! Trust us, come on!"

1168
00:56:09,231 --> 00:56:10,311
We're giving these buns to the cow.

1169
00:56:10,311 --> 00:56:12,431
Pandit is saying, "Don't feed the non-veg one to the cow."

1170
00:56:17,231 --> 00:56:18,951
It's not the actual burger!

1171
00:56:21,831 --> 00:56:23,191
The cow became pretty frank with us.

1172
00:56:24,391 --> 00:56:25,791
Showed up in the afternoon one day.

1173
00:56:27,751 --> 00:56:29,471
"Give me the fresh ones, not the stale ones."

1174
00:56:31,111 --> 00:56:32,391
"They're not going to sell anyway."

1175
00:56:37,271 --> 00:56:39,151
We knew that the shop would shut down.

1176
00:56:39,231 --> 00:56:41,111
But we thought we might get beaten up before that.

1177
00:56:42,511 --> 00:56:44,591
We were doing some really dumb stuff.

1178
00:56:45,031 --> 00:56:46,231
The first time I thought we'd get beaten up...

1179
00:56:46,231 --> 00:56:47,791
...is when Pandit delivered a burger...

1180
00:56:47,991 --> 00:56:48,871
...without a patty.

1181
00:56:51,831 --> 00:56:52,911
I came out of the kitchen...

1182
00:56:52,911 --> 00:56:54,391
...to see a patty kept next to the counter.

1183
00:56:55,231 --> 00:56:56,351
Just like that. Naked.

1184
00:56:58,351 --> 00:56:59,751
I asked Pandit where it came from.

1185
00:57:00,151 --> 00:57:01,551
He's going ohh!

1186
00:57:02,271 --> 00:57:04,191
"It didn't come, but it did have to go somewhere."

1187
00:57:06,591 --> 00:57:08,351
The best part is that the burger...

1188
00:57:08,351 --> 00:57:09,431
...was called Veg Surprise Burger.

1189
00:57:17,311 --> 00:57:19,031
The guy who ordered it must have been surprised.

1190
00:57:19,751 --> 00:57:21,431
"Mummy, it's definitely a surprise!"

1191
00:57:22,751 --> 00:57:24,951
"They don't even put a patty in this one."

1192
00:57:26,111 --> 00:57:27,751
"You have to imagine the taste."

1193
00:57:29,231 --> 00:57:31,511
The toothpick they use to keep the burger together?

1194
00:57:31,871 --> 00:57:33,031
He put that in.

1195
00:57:34,471 --> 00:57:36,351
I asked, "What were you keeping together?"

1196
00:57:37,671 --> 00:57:39,591
He said, "Shit, dude! We wasted a toothpick."

1197
00:57:41,471 --> 00:57:43,071
I said, "Go check your ratings!"

1198
00:57:43,751 --> 00:57:44,911
It's just that Zomato...

1199
00:57:44,911 --> 00:57:46,511
...didn't have a negative rating option.

1200
00:57:47,271 --> 00:57:49,431
Otherwise we'd get to minus 300 or 400.

1201
00:57:50,031 --> 00:57:51,071
We would get reviews...

1202
00:57:51,071 --> 00:57:52,751
...that made us laugh and cry with shame.

1203
00:57:53,911 --> 00:57:55,391
A guy wrote this review.

1204
00:57:55,711 --> 00:57:57,551
"The only thing good here is the Thums Up."

1205
00:58:04,591 --> 00:58:06,711
We commented below, "Try the Sprite!"

1206
00:58:13,991 --> 00:58:15,791
We have slowed down...

1207
00:58:15,791 --> 00:58:16,831
...Swiggy's lightning fast delivery.

1208
00:58:18,231 --> 00:58:19,471
We should get an award.

1209
00:58:20,031 --> 00:58:21,351
The Swiggy guy came.

1210
00:58:21,551 --> 00:58:23,671
Pandit took his bike to go find a smoke.

1211
00:58:29,791 --> 00:58:31,991
The same policeman caught him midway.

1212
00:58:32,751 --> 00:58:34,351
So he left the bike there and came back!

1213
00:58:35,751 --> 00:58:37,711
Swiggy guy is just holding his packet.

1214
00:58:38,951 --> 00:58:39,871
Asking, "What do I do now?"

1215
00:58:39,871 --> 00:58:41,311
I'm say, "You're getting late, start moving!"

1216
00:58:42,871 --> 00:58:45,191
The first time we saw a man walking on foot
with a helmet on his head.

1217
00:58:47,751 --> 00:58:48,951
Pandit is making a video of him,

1218
00:58:48,951 --> 00:58:50,231
..."look at the moron walking on foot!"

1219
00:58:57,911 --> 00:58:59,471
We put up a board in the shop too,

1220
00:58:59,831 --> 00:59:01,311
...for people to leave their reviews.

1221
00:59:03,151 --> 00:59:04,431
We had tons of confidence.

1222
00:59:05,551 --> 00:59:06,831
We wrote half the reviews.

1223
00:59:09,191 --> 00:59:10,431
They were still decent.

1224
00:59:10,631 --> 00:59:11,751
Chaudhary's reviews

1225
00:59:13,751 --> 00:59:15,351
Chaudhary's first review said,

1226
00:59:15,471 --> 00:59:16,391
..."Good review."

1227
00:59:20,431 --> 00:59:21,751
I said, "Chaudhary, did you just..."

1228
00:59:21,751 --> 00:59:23,111
"...review the review in the review?"

1229
00:59:24,231 --> 00:59:26,591
"The word review shouldn't come in the review, okay?"

1230
00:59:26,951 --> 00:59:27,831
"Write something else."

1231
00:59:27,911 --> 00:59:29,031
Bro wrote "very good".

1232
00:59:29,991 --> 00:59:31,271
I figured that it's progress.

1233
00:59:31,711 --> 00:59:32,791
"What is very good?"

1234
00:59:32,831 --> 00:59:33,911
He said, "Everything is very good."

1235
00:59:34,551 --> 00:59:36,671
I said, "It looks fake, so think about it first."

1236
00:59:38,191 --> 00:59:39,671
Bro wrote "very good delivery!".

1237
00:59:43,151 --> 00:59:44,951
I said, "Chaudhary, listen to me."

1238
00:59:45,951 --> 00:59:47,951
"A customer has come to eat at your shop."

1239
00:59:51,511 --> 00:59:53,031
"He thought the delivery was the best?"

1240
00:59:54,631 --> 00:59:56,031
"Did we go drop him home as well?"

1241
00:59:57,191 --> 00:59:58,591
"What do this even mean?"

1242
01:00:01,151 --> 01:00:02,311
The couple of...

1243
01:00:02,431 --> 01:00:03,551
...genuine reviews there?

1244
01:00:03,551 --> 01:00:04,911
We took one of them down.

1245
01:00:05,191 --> 01:00:07,471
It said "Owner is hot. Sakshi."

1246
01:00:09,031 --> 01:00:10,311
That caused a fight.

1247
01:00:11,871 --> 01:00:13,911
How was Sakshi to know there were five owners?

1248
01:00:14,671 --> 01:00:15,951
The five of us are happy all night.

1249
01:00:17,351 --> 01:00:18,671
The drinks are hitting different.

1250
01:00:19,671 --> 01:00:20,911
Cheers to Sakshi!

1251
01:00:26,271 --> 01:00:28,071
Any time a girl would cross the shop next day,

1252
01:00:28,071 --> 01:00:28,871
...we'd yell, "Sakshi!"

1253
01:00:30,031 --> 01:00:30,871
"I'm not Sakshi!"

1254
01:00:30,871 --> 01:00:32,111
"Come on, Sakshi!"

1255
01:00:33,111 --> 01:00:35,111
"We'll give this entire empire to you. Come!"

1256
01:00:40,591 --> 01:00:42,711
We ran a code 'Sakshi123' on Zomato.

1257
01:00:45,311 --> 01:00:47,431
Pandit said, "There's five of us, so put 4-5 too."

1258
01:00:48,791 --> 01:00:50,191
What a fucker.

1259
01:00:51,791 --> 01:00:53,191
He was mad.

1260
01:00:58,591 --> 01:01:00,551
It wasn't just our fault, okay?

1261
01:01:01,551 --> 01:01:02,351
People were at fault too.

1262
01:01:02,351 --> 01:01:03,631
They would say the most idiotic things.

1263
01:01:04,151 --> 01:01:05,951
Can't you see that we know nothing at all?

1264
01:01:06,591 --> 01:01:08,031
Don't come and say stupid stuff.

1265
01:01:08,351 --> 01:01:09,991
This stupid little kid comes and asks me,

1266
01:01:10,151 --> 01:01:11,431
..."Are chicken samosas real, brother?"

1267
01:01:12,551 --> 01:01:14,191
I said, "Chicken samosa is real?"

1268
01:01:15,111 --> 01:01:16,791
He said yes, so I said, "Great, get in and start making them!"

1269
01:01:18,311 --> 01:01:19,911
We locked him in the kitchen.

1270
01:01:21,271 --> 01:01:22,231
He's banging at the gate.

1271
01:01:22,231 --> 01:01:23,591
"There's no such thing, I was lying."

1272
01:01:24,751 --> 01:01:26,311
I told him to get running.

1273
01:01:26,511 --> 01:01:27,871
"Don't show your face here again."

1274
01:01:29,511 --> 01:01:31,471
One day was so funny, I was behind the counter.

1275
01:01:31,591 --> 01:01:32,951
Pandit standing outside the counter.

1276
01:01:34,751 --> 01:01:35,991
It was his birthday.

1277
01:01:36,151 --> 01:01:37,111
Everybody has one.

1278
01:01:37,911 --> 01:01:38,551
It's all good.

1279
01:01:38,551 --> 01:01:39,391
He was dressed up.

1280
01:01:39,391 --> 01:01:41,111
Nehru jacket, pocket square.

1281
01:01:42,911 --> 01:01:44,031
He had a birthday cap on.

1282
01:01:44,951 --> 01:01:45,791
A tiny one.

1283
01:01:46,311 --> 01:01:47,351
With the elastic.

1284
01:01:48,111 --> 01:01:49,431
He looked like a witch.

1285
01:01:50,791 --> 01:01:52,031
We were chatting,

1286
01:01:52,031 --> 01:01:53,711
...when this girl comes up and asks him,

1287
01:01:53,711 --> 01:01:55,351
..."Excuse me, do you have chipotle sauce?"

1288
01:01:56,871 --> 01:01:57,631
Pandit did this,

1289
01:01:58,031 --> 01:01:59,951
...and the elastic broke off.

1290
01:02:03,231 --> 01:02:04,511
His cap fell over.

1291
01:02:05,111 --> 01:02:06,271
He looked at me,

1292
01:02:06,271 --> 01:02:07,311
...and I said no way!

1293
01:02:09,751 --> 01:02:10,751
Happy Birthday!

1294
01:02:14,031 --> 01:02:16,191
The girl asked again, "Do you have chipotle sauce?"

1295
01:02:16,551 --> 01:02:18,991
Pandit, that asshole, took out his pocket square...

1296
01:02:19,591 --> 01:02:20,991
...and started cleaning the tables.

1297
01:02:28,151 --> 01:02:29,511
An owner with 20% stake,

1298
01:02:30,591 --> 01:02:31,751
...is using his own pocket square,

1299
01:02:32,791 --> 01:02:34,351
...on his own birthday,

1300
01:02:34,671 --> 01:02:36,311
...to clean an already clean table.

1301
01:02:36,991 --> 01:02:39,071
Because we have no clue what she just asked for!

1302
01:02:40,071 --> 01:02:40,911
She turned towards me,

1303
01:02:40,911 --> 01:02:41,911
...and I stopped her right there.

1304
01:02:42,951 --> 01:02:44,351
I didn't even have a cloth.

1305
01:02:46,111 --> 01:02:48,191
She came to me and asked, "Do you have chipotle sauce?"

1306
01:02:48,511 --> 01:02:49,991
I came to the other side of the counter.

1307
01:02:49,991 --> 01:02:51,551
I said, "I'm also a customer, actually."

1308
01:02:53,311 --> 01:02:55,311
"I'm here to get the same thing that you want."

1309
01:02:55,591 --> 01:02:56,911
"Let's ask for it together!"

1310
01:02:58,391 --> 01:02:59,791
I don't even know if it's edible...

1311
01:02:59,791 --> 01:03:00,991
...or a floor cleaner. What is it?

1312
01:03:05,351 --> 01:03:07,031
People should get their own tissue paper.

1313
01:03:08,231 --> 01:03:09,871
People have the nerve to ask for it.

1314
01:03:10,711 --> 01:03:11,791
We've counted each sheet.

1315
01:03:12,711 --> 01:03:13,951
That's the only thing selling.

1316
01:03:18,471 --> 01:03:19,631
A boy came up to us one day.

1317
01:03:20,071 --> 01:03:21,471
We never gave out extra tissues.

1318
01:03:21,711 --> 01:03:22,871
One burger meant one tissue paper.

1319
01:03:23,751 --> 01:03:25,151
Buy one more burger for one more sheet.

1320
01:03:26,191 --> 01:03:27,791
He said he's not hungry, so we said we'll eat it.

1321
01:03:30,151 --> 01:03:31,111
Just buy one more burger.

1322
01:03:31,471 --> 01:03:32,711
That's how you get tissue paper.

1323
01:03:33,631 --> 01:03:35,471
This other boy stood between the tissue paper...

1324
01:03:35,471 --> 01:03:36,591
...and the menu cards.

1325
01:03:37,031 --> 01:03:38,111
He's not ordered anything.

1326
01:03:38,711 --> 01:03:40,751
He's just reading the menu, picking up a tissue paper...

1327
01:03:42,431 --> 01:03:43,311
...and then he threw it.

1328
01:03:44,871 --> 01:03:46,671
First of all, boys shouldn't even be allowed.

1329
01:03:47,711 --> 01:03:49,551
Girls do it because they put something on the face.

1330
01:03:49,551 --> 01:03:51,631
Guys can just wipe it off and clean it with the wall.

1331
01:03:53,471 --> 01:03:55,111
He went to pick up another tissue paper, and...

1332
01:03:55,111 --> 01:03:56,511
...ten eyes were watching him do it.

1333
01:03:58,791 --> 01:04:00,391
He picked up a second one.

1334
01:04:00,791 --> 01:04:02,751
Pandit caught his hand when he went for the third one.

1335
01:04:03,751 --> 01:04:05,591
He said, "Come, let me wipe it with my clothes. Come."

1336
01:04:08,551 --> 01:04:10,791
"You asshole, run away or I'll mess you up!"

1337
01:04:12,151 --> 01:04:13,231
We took two rupees from him.

1338
01:04:17,991 --> 01:04:19,991
One day a caught a customer red-handed.

1339
01:04:20,511 --> 01:04:21,431
He was lying.

1340
01:04:22,311 --> 01:04:24,231
He wanted a discount for three burgers.

1341
01:04:25,151 --> 01:04:26,231
I asked, "For what joy?"

1342
01:04:26,751 --> 01:04:28,671
He said, "I'm a regular customer here!"

1343
01:04:32,351 --> 01:04:33,591
First we laughed at him.

1344
01:04:35,151 --> 01:04:36,911
Then we asked him, "Are you a cow in disguise?"

1345
01:04:44,391 --> 01:04:46,311
I said, "We have exactly one regular customer..."

1346
01:04:46,831 --> 01:04:48,711
"...and we have to go to her every day."

1347
01:04:49,511 --> 01:04:51,351
"That line can backfire too, alright?"

1348
01:04:54,911 --> 01:04:56,671
One day, our chef took an off.

1349
01:04:58,111 --> 01:04:59,871
Closing the shop would have made sense.

1350
01:05:00,951 --> 01:05:02,791
But we figured we've never ever made sense.

1351
01:05:04,071 --> 01:05:05,151
We didn't get an order all day.

1352
01:05:05,151 --> 01:05:07,151
In the evening, this boy walks in with a 50 rupee note.

1353
01:05:07,191 --> 01:05:08,591
And we were just staring at the note.

1354
01:05:09,871 --> 01:05:11,111
As soon as he was in range,

1355
01:05:11,111 --> 01:05:12,191
...I stole his note.

1356
01:05:13,031 --> 01:05:14,391
"You have to eat here now!"

1357
01:05:15,511 --> 01:05:17,311
He asked for maggi, and we had maggi.

1358
01:05:17,791 --> 01:05:20,111
He asked, "How much?" and we said, "Exactly this much!"

1359
01:05:20,951 --> 01:05:21,831
He asked, "What flavours?"

1360
01:05:21,831 --> 01:05:23,551
We said, "Whatever we can manage to cook."

1361
01:05:24,231 --> 01:05:25,191
So he asked for a maggi.

1362
01:05:25,471 --> 01:05:27,631
We tried to decide who'll make it, in front of him.

1363
01:05:30,991 --> 01:05:32,511
I lost, so I said I'll cook it.

1364
01:05:33,231 --> 01:05:34,231
I shouldn't have cooked it.

1365
01:05:34,831 --> 01:05:36,151
I was not in my senses.

1366
01:05:37,191 --> 01:05:38,751
I went into the kitchen, and shut the gate.

1367
01:05:39,471 --> 01:05:40,751
I didn't want my recipe to be stolen.

1368
01:05:42,351 --> 01:05:44,391
Then something struck me while making the maggi,

1369
01:05:45,191 --> 01:05:46,511
...that it's time to get creative.

1370
01:05:47,231 --> 01:05:48,191
I took all of the...

1371
01:05:48,911 --> 01:05:50,231
...stuff that was lying around...

1372
01:05:50,751 --> 01:05:51,711
...little little...

1373
01:05:53,191 --> 01:05:54,191
...and added everything in it.

1374
01:05:54,991 --> 01:05:56,671
I put asafoetida in the maggi!

1375
01:05:58,511 --> 01:06:00,471
This potion that I concocted,

1376
01:06:00,831 --> 01:06:02,031
...I cooked it for a while.

1377
01:06:02,031 --> 01:06:02,911
I took off the lid,

1378
01:06:02,911 --> 01:06:04,351
...and Sanjeev Kapoor's soul came out.

1379
01:06:07,031 --> 01:06:08,271
"Dude, this made me forget cooking,"

1380
01:06:08,271 --> 01:06:09,191
"...what the hell did you make?"

1381
01:06:09,911 --> 01:06:11,911
My maggi turned out to be light blue.

1382
01:06:14,791 --> 01:06:16,951
I still don't know where the colour came from.

1383
01:06:18,151 --> 01:06:19,871
I think the maggi just gave up and died.

1384
01:06:20,831 --> 01:06:22,471
I took it out of the kitchen,

1385
01:06:22,471 --> 01:06:24,831
...and Chaudhari says, "Oh! Blue Lagoon Maggi!"

1386
01:06:36,031 --> 01:06:37,471
The boy looked it and said,

1387
01:06:37,471 --> 01:06:38,551
..."Give me my money back."

1388
01:06:39,791 --> 01:06:41,351
We had to give him four cigarettes.

1389
01:06:42,431 --> 01:06:44,031
We'd bought cigarettes by then.

1390
01:06:46,791 --> 01:06:47,911
Why else would we take the money?

1391
01:06:50,551 --> 01:06:51,751
Even the cow wouldn't eat it.

1392
01:06:54,511 --> 01:06:55,591
We kept the maggi in front of the cow,

1393
01:06:55,591 --> 01:06:56,711
...and it turned away and left.

1394
01:06:57,791 --> 01:06:59,351
She said, "We're not that close."

1395
01:07:00,151 --> 01:07:01,511
"You can't put anything in front of me."

1396
01:07:05,791 --> 01:07:07,231
We had a competitor.

1397
01:07:10,511 --> 01:07:12,151
He didn't have any sales either!

1398
01:07:14,511 --> 01:07:15,991
He did an act of vengeance.

1399
01:07:17,631 --> 01:07:18,471
Vengeance.

1400
01:07:18,991 --> 01:07:20,071
Should I explain it?

1401
01:07:20,911 --> 01:07:22,151
There was no need for it, as such.

1402
01:07:22,151 --> 01:07:23,591
It was just his own imagination.

1403
01:07:24,311 --> 01:07:25,671
So what happened was,

1404
01:07:25,751 --> 01:07:28,031
...we were standing outside 24Seven one night.

1405
01:07:28,231 --> 01:07:29,951
We beat up this guy just for fun.

1406
01:07:31,551 --> 01:07:33,431
You know, just to catch up with him.

1407
01:07:34,351 --> 01:07:35,671
Turned out to be his delivery boy.

1408
01:07:36,551 --> 01:07:38,831
So he thought we did this on purpose.

1409
01:07:39,231 --> 01:07:41,311
He accused us of wanting to shut down his shop.

1410
01:07:41,311 --> 01:07:42,431
I said, "My friend, listen up."

1411
01:07:42,751 --> 01:07:44,631
"When we're not making an effort to start ours,"

1412
01:07:45,911 --> 01:07:48,111
"...why will we make an effort to stop yours?"

1413
01:07:48,431 --> 01:07:49,951
"We didn't know, we had no interest."

1414
01:07:49,951 --> 01:07:50,711
But he didn't believe us.

1415
01:07:51,751 --> 01:07:52,831
There's been so many times...

1416
01:07:52,831 --> 01:07:54,391
...that we've all stood outside our shop.

1417
01:07:55,071 --> 01:07:56,391
To make fun of the customers.

1418
01:07:57,031 --> 01:07:59,111
A guy comes and asks for the owner, and we say, "No idea!"

1419
01:08:00,351 --> 01:08:01,751
"We've been waiting for a while too!"

1420
01:08:03,191 --> 01:08:04,231
We made him wait for 10-15 minutes,

1421
01:08:04,231 --> 01:08:05,871
...and when he left, we said,
"Look at that idiot going home hungry!"

1422
01:08:07,831 --> 01:08:09,791
Why would we shut somebody else's shop?

1423
01:08:10,031 --> 01:08:10,951
He just didn't get it.

1424
01:08:10,991 --> 01:08:12,111
So in an act of vengeance,

1425
01:08:12,551 --> 01:08:14,151
...he sent a food inspector to our shop.

1426
01:08:15,831 --> 01:08:17,831
The food inspector tried to find the food for half an hour.

1427
01:08:20,031 --> 01:08:21,071
He couldn't find it.

1428
01:08:21,671 --> 01:08:22,911
He opened the fridge after half an hour,

1429
01:08:22,911 --> 01:08:24,031
...and there were two beers inside.

1430
01:08:25,191 --> 01:08:26,751
He took out the beer and asked, "What is this?"

1431
01:08:27,631 --> 01:08:29,431
Chaudhary said the dumbest thing to him,

1432
01:08:30,311 --> 01:08:31,431
...that we just surrendered.

1433
01:08:31,431 --> 01:08:32,551
"Please arrest us."

1434
01:08:33,751 --> 01:08:34,871
"And give him the death sentence."

1435
01:08:35,951 --> 01:08:38,351
Chaudhary said, "Aren't you a food inspector?"

1436
01:08:39,511 --> 01:08:40,911
"Why are you checking the drinks?"

1437
01:08:47,751 --> 01:08:50,031
He put Chaudhary's hand on his chest,

1438
01:08:50,871 --> 01:08:52,871
...and said, "Honestly, are you a lawyer?"

1439
01:08:54,871 --> 01:08:56,031
We said, "Little, little."

1440
01:09:01,311 --> 01:09:03,151
Somebody gave us this advice...

1441
01:09:03,391 --> 01:09:04,431
...to do night deliveries.

1442
01:09:04,991 --> 01:09:06,911
There are other nocturnal people like you.

1443
01:09:07,711 --> 01:09:09,911
Make friends with them, and there's scope for business.

1444
01:09:10,071 --> 01:09:11,111
We agreed to do it.

1445
01:09:11,111 --> 01:09:12,951
That guys was making fun of us, we thought he's helping.

1446
01:09:14,351 --> 01:09:15,191
So we started night delivery.

1447
01:09:15,191 --> 01:09:16,271
We sorted all the permissions,

1448
01:09:16,271 --> 01:09:17,511
...to keep the store open till late.

1449
01:09:17,511 --> 01:09:18,711
Do deliveries in the night.

1450
01:09:18,951 --> 01:09:20,111
We didn't consider one thing, though.

1451
01:09:20,111 --> 01:09:21,951
Not one of us is sober at night.

1452
01:09:22,711 --> 01:09:25,111
That shop was a total comedy show after 9 PM.

1453
01:09:26,671 --> 01:09:27,551
The nearby shopkeepers...

1454
01:09:27,551 --> 01:09:28,751
...would watch the show before...

1455
01:09:28,751 --> 01:09:29,871
...they went home.

1456
01:09:30,311 --> 01:09:32,191
"Look at these morons go at it!"

1457
01:09:32,591 --> 01:09:34,591
One day, we did a performance for all of them.

1458
01:09:35,151 --> 01:09:36,111
We stepped out,

1459
01:09:36,111 --> 01:09:37,671
...and started dancing for them.

1460
01:09:40,831 --> 01:09:41,631
Seriously.

1461
01:09:41,951 --> 01:09:43,791
We were just doing whatever we felt like.

1462
01:09:43,791 --> 01:09:44,671
An order came through Zomato.

1463
01:09:44,671 --> 01:09:46,391
Chaudhary picks it up and says, "We didn't order anything!"

1464
01:09:48,871 --> 01:09:50,791
Zomato says you have to accept the order.

1465
01:09:51,471 --> 01:09:52,631
Chaudhary says, "Why should we?"

1466
01:09:53,511 --> 01:09:54,871
He cut the call. No fucks given.

1467
01:09:55,831 --> 01:09:57,111
A boy comes to the shop and said,

1468
01:09:57,111 --> 01:09:57,791
..."Who'll take the order?"

1469
01:09:57,791 --> 01:09:59,071
I said, "Guess who'll take it."

1470
01:10:00,191 --> 01:10:01,751
"The right guess gets you your order."

1471
01:10:05,471 --> 01:10:06,671
Then came that one terrible night.

1472
01:10:07,871 --> 01:10:08,711
Pandit and I...

1473
01:10:09,471 --> 01:10:11,351
...went to deliver food at 1:30 in the night.

1474
01:10:11,871 --> 01:10:13,271
And we just forgot...

1475
01:10:14,151 --> 01:10:15,151
...to take the food.

1476
01:10:16,431 --> 01:10:18,551
We didn't forget, we were fighting over the bike.

1477
01:10:19,351 --> 01:10:21,431
Pandit started the bike, so I ran and sat on it!

1478
01:10:22,231 --> 01:10:24,071
We felt the cool breeze, and we left!

1479
01:10:24,991 --> 01:10:26,911
We're standing on the second floor of a building.

1480
01:10:27,231 --> 01:10:28,151
I pressed the bell.

1481
01:10:28,151 --> 01:10:29,831
I looked at Pandit and asked, "Where's the food?"

1482
01:10:30,551 --> 01:10:31,751
He's asking, "Where's the food?"

1483
01:10:33,671 --> 01:10:35,271
The boy comes out and asks, "Where's the food?"

1484
01:10:36,991 --> 01:10:38,191
I figured that...

1485
01:10:38,191 --> 01:10:40,031
...max to max,

1486
01:10:40,111 --> 01:10:42,751
...I'll say, "Sorry, we forgot it on the bike, and we'll just get it."

1487
01:10:43,551 --> 01:10:44,431
That was fine.

1488
01:10:45,511 --> 01:10:46,471
That would have worked.

1489
01:10:47,231 --> 01:10:49,791
The sheer nonsense that Pandit spoke that day.

1490
01:10:50,471 --> 01:10:51,671
The moment he asked, "Where's the food?"

1491
01:10:51,671 --> 01:10:52,911
Pandit says, "What food, brother?"

1492
01:10:56,151 --> 01:10:58,111
The guy says, "Didn't you come to deliver food?"

1493
01:10:58,431 --> 01:11:01,231
Pandit says, "You don't know our restaurant's concept?"

1494
01:11:05,031 --> 01:11:06,511
Even I don't know the concept.

1495
01:11:07,951 --> 01:11:09,991
"We've come to pick you up!"

1496
01:11:17,791 --> 01:11:19,551
"Hurry up, the food is getting cold back there!"

1497
01:11:22,151 --> 01:11:23,431
He was so loud about it,

1498
01:11:23,431 --> 01:11:25,791
...that the guy picked up his shirt from behind the door.

1499
01:11:27,231 --> 01:11:28,391
He's wearing it and saying,

1500
01:11:28,391 --> 01:11:31,231
..."Do you really just take the customer?"

1501
01:11:32,551 --> 01:11:34,671
We figured we may as well, if he's such a moron.

1502
01:11:41,431 --> 01:11:43,511
We brought him on the back of the bike.

1503
01:11:45,511 --> 01:11:47,391
We got him to the shop and gave him his food.

1504
01:11:47,871 --> 01:11:48,791
Then we said, "Bye, now."

1505
01:11:51,551 --> 01:11:53,591
We don't have the concept of dropping you back.

1506
01:11:54,391 --> 01:11:55,911
This is it for our very good delivery.

1507
01:12:00,991 --> 01:12:02,831
A friend of ours showed up with a Scorpio.

1508
01:12:03,431 --> 01:12:04,711
One of him and five of us.

1509
01:12:05,511 --> 01:12:07,431
Six people, with an order of 180 rupees.

1510
01:12:10,471 --> 01:12:11,791
We left the shop wide open.

1511
01:12:13,111 --> 01:12:14,791
And went to deliver the order in a Scorpio.

1512
01:12:15,311 --> 01:12:16,511
Our mood changed midway,

1513
01:12:16,511 --> 01:12:18,071
...so we went to Murthal to eat paranthas.

1514
01:12:19,871 --> 01:12:21,191
The customer called, "The order isn't here!"

1515
01:12:21,191 --> 01:12:22,551
I said, "Neither is ours, dude."

1516
01:12:24,191 --> 01:12:25,911
"Don't sleep yet! We're coming with paranthas."

1517
01:12:29,831 --> 01:12:31,911
One night, neither of us wanted to go for delivery.

1518
01:12:32,151 --> 01:12:33,831
Pandit is trying to convince the customer!

1519
01:12:34,751 --> 01:12:36,351
"Bro, just come on down to the shop."

1520
01:12:37,671 --> 01:12:39,511
"We're too tired, we don't want to come."

1521
01:12:40,351 --> 01:12:41,871
"Fine, let's meet halfway, alright?"

1522
01:12:42,831 --> 01:12:44,391
The guy is saying, "It says free home delivery!"

1523
01:12:44,391 --> 01:12:46,351
I said, "Yeah, the shop is our home."

1524
01:12:46,351 --> 01:12:47,271
"Just come on down."

1525
01:12:48,031 --> 01:12:50,231
He didn't agree, so we booked a cab.

1526
01:12:51,231 --> 01:12:52,671
Put the food in it and sent it.

1527
01:12:54,151 --> 01:12:55,111
Pandit called the customer,

1528
01:12:55,111 --> 01:12:56,711
..."4362. Swift Dzire. Okay?"

1529
01:12:58,591 --> 01:12:59,711
"Your food is coming in a cab."

1530
01:12:59,711 --> 01:13:01,151
"Don't throw a tantrum now, okay?"

1531
01:13:02,351 --> 01:13:04,151
He must be wondering how rich we were.

1532
01:13:04,911 --> 01:13:06,151
Sent the food in a cab?

1533
01:13:08,151 --> 01:13:10,231
Finally, somebody gave us this advice...

1534
01:13:10,511 --> 01:13:12,031
...to add shakes to our menu.

1535
01:13:12,911 --> 01:13:15,031
Then we can sell it as a meal.

1536
01:13:15,351 --> 01:13:17,071
Like KFC and...

1537
01:13:17,991 --> 01:13:18,791
...McDonald's.

1538
01:13:19,551 --> 01:13:21,031
Notice our competition, okay?

1539
01:13:22,631 --> 01:13:24,431
We figured we need to kick them out of the market.

1540
01:13:26,951 --> 01:13:28,431
So we decided to add shakes.

1541
01:13:28,431 --> 01:13:29,391
We started making shakes.

1542
01:13:29,391 --> 01:13:31,591
We didn't have the money to hire a boy to make shakes.

1543
01:13:31,591 --> 01:13:32,631
We hired Pandit instead.

1544
01:13:33,631 --> 01:13:36,311
We said, "Pandit, you are the HOD of this department from now on."

1545
01:13:37,191 --> 01:13:38,111
"Go make shakes."

1546
01:13:38,751 --> 01:13:40,831
We would learn how to make shakes on YouTube.

1547
01:13:40,831 --> 01:13:42,311
And then forget it all ten minutes later.

1548
01:13:43,271 --> 01:13:45,191
Because when the video was on,

1549
01:13:45,191 --> 01:13:47,191
...we all figured somebody else must be listening.

1550
01:13:48,871 --> 01:13:50,311
Nobody was listening.

1551
01:13:51,711 --> 01:13:53,951
I swear, we made so many shakes on so many days.

1552
01:13:54,591 --> 01:13:55,951
Not a single shake...

1553
01:13:56,871 --> 01:13:58,111
...tasted the same.

1554
01:13:59,031 --> 01:14:00,751
We made something new every day!

1555
01:14:01,071 --> 01:14:02,511
Customer asks for a shake like yesterday.

1556
01:14:02,511 --> 01:14:03,631
We say, "Yesterday was past tense."

1557
01:14:04,911 --> 01:14:06,431
"Today's shake is a mystery!"

1558
01:14:07,391 --> 01:14:08,991
"Even we don't know what it'll be like!"

1559
01:14:10,351 --> 01:14:11,831
We got KitKat for a KitKat shake,

1560
01:14:11,831 --> 01:14:13,071
...got high, and ate it ourself.

1561
01:14:16,071 --> 01:14:17,831
Customer says, "I can't taste the KitKat."

1562
01:14:17,831 --> 01:14:19,391
We said, "But we can taste it, dude!"

1563
01:14:21,871 --> 01:14:23,511
"You are the problem here."

1564
01:14:23,991 --> 01:14:24,991
We're talking nonsense too.

1565
01:14:24,991 --> 01:14:26,391
One says Kit, the other says Kat!

1566
01:14:30,711 --> 01:14:32,311
It took us a few days to figure out...

1567
01:14:32,311 --> 01:14:34,031
...whether it's Mo-Jee-To or a Mo-Hee-To.

1568
01:14:34,991 --> 01:14:35,991
A mojito was ordered,

1569
01:14:35,991 --> 01:14:37,551
...and five boys are muddling the mint for it.

1570
01:14:38,991 --> 01:14:41,991
Expecting the customer to tell us where to go from there.

1571
01:14:42,831 --> 01:14:44,111
Because we have no idea by now.

1572
01:14:44,271 --> 01:14:46,111
We have enough mint for days.

1573
01:14:47,191 --> 01:14:47,991
We're just being mean.

1574
01:14:47,991 --> 01:14:49,151
Customer says, "One virgin mojito."

1575
01:14:49,151 --> 01:14:50,271
We say, "You're the virgin here!"

1576
01:14:55,671 --> 01:14:57,351
This had to be the only restaurant in the world...

1577
01:14:57,351 --> 01:14:59,151
...where if the customer would order a shake,

1578
01:14:59,351 --> 01:15:00,791
...the owners would tell them that...

1579
01:15:00,791 --> 01:15:02,031
...show us how it's made on YouTube.

1580
01:15:03,231 --> 01:15:04,711
Because we had ran out of data.

1581
01:15:05,871 --> 01:15:07,631
So the customer is standing with the video.

1582
01:15:08,991 --> 01:15:10,631
And getting scolded for it!

1583
01:15:11,191 --> 01:15:13,431
We're saying, "Hold the damn phone straight!" while making it.

1584
01:15:15,431 --> 01:15:16,791
"Can't do one thing right,"

1585
01:15:16,791 --> 01:15:18,911
"...but want to drink shakes like a king?"

1586
01:15:19,871 --> 01:15:21,471
"I won't make it, so hold it properly!"

1587
01:15:23,111 --> 01:15:25,031
Three boys came and ordered three different shakes.

1588
01:15:25,031 --> 01:15:26,071
Pandit kicked them out.

1589
01:15:28,111 --> 01:15:29,991
He said, "Alright then, little idiots."

1590
01:15:30,751 --> 01:15:32,991
"You think I'll wash the mixie thrice for you guys?"

1591
01:15:33,911 --> 01:15:35,471
"Go, and come back when you've chosen one."

1592
01:15:40,511 --> 01:15:41,991
Pandit wouldn't even take the order.

1593
01:15:41,991 --> 01:15:43,551
Customers would order, and he'd say, "Can't you see I'm busy?"

1594
01:15:45,391 --> 01:15:46,871
"With what?"
"I'm thinking!"

1595
01:15:48,391 --> 01:15:50,271
He was just crushing ice cubes in the mixie one day.

1596
01:15:50,751 --> 01:15:52,631
We asked, "What are you doing?"
He said, "Making water, it's so much fun!"

1597
01:15:53,431 --> 01:15:55,191
I mean, just do some work!

1598
01:15:57,151 --> 01:15:58,711
Pandit is such an asshole.

1599
01:15:58,751 --> 01:16:01,591
There was this really cute 7-8 year old kid.

1600
01:16:01,871 --> 01:16:03,231
He ordered an Oreo shake.

1601
01:16:04,031 --> 01:16:05,831
That kid just had one wish,

1602
01:16:05,831 --> 01:16:07,631
...to watch his Oreo shake being made.

1603
01:16:10,631 --> 01:16:12,111
Pandit figured this out.

1604
01:16:14,391 --> 01:16:16,991
The kid was sitting with his chin on the counter.

1605
01:16:17,271 --> 01:16:18,831
He was looking at Pandit make it.

1606
01:16:19,071 --> 01:16:20,871
Pandit put all the ingredients inside.

1607
01:16:20,871 --> 01:16:22,631
And as soon as the mixie turned on,

1608
01:16:23,631 --> 01:16:25,351
...the kid got up in his excitement.

1609
01:16:26,111 --> 01:16:27,271
Pandit saw that.

1610
01:16:28,111 --> 01:16:29,071
He switched it off.

1611
01:16:30,951 --> 01:16:32,271
He switched it on, and the kid got up again.

1612
01:16:32,271 --> 01:16:33,191
He switched it off again.

1613
01:16:34,271 --> 01:16:36,151
He called all of us over.

1614
01:16:40,231 --> 01:16:41,711
"Look, that idiot will get up now!"

1615
01:16:46,951 --> 01:16:47,911
Switched it on, he got up.

1616
01:16:47,911 --> 01:16:49,191
"Look, look!"

1617
01:16:50,831 --> 01:16:52,831
"Are we going to drink a shakey shakey today?"

1618
01:16:54,471 --> 01:16:56,431
It took him half an hour...

1619
01:16:56,791 --> 01:16:57,871
...to make the shake.

1620
01:16:58,511 --> 01:17:00,911
The Oreo you put on top of an Oreo shake?

1621
01:17:01,311 --> 01:17:02,751
Chaudhary held that Oreo for half an hour.

1622
01:17:04,111 --> 01:17:05,471
His patience finished.

1623
01:17:05,791 --> 01:17:07,471
Chaudhary licked the cream off that Oreo...

1624
01:17:07,471 --> 01:17:08,871
...right in front of the kid.

1625
01:17:11,791 --> 01:17:13,031
And then put it on top!

1626
01:17:15,631 --> 01:17:17,151
I said, "What did you just do?"

1627
01:17:17,791 --> 01:17:19,911
He said, "It doesn't ruin the taste of the shake!"

1628
01:17:20,591 --> 01:17:22,831
I said, "You moron, he saw you do that!"

1629
01:17:23,231 --> 01:17:25,151
"You ruined the kid's life, what about that?"

1630
01:17:25,551 --> 01:17:27,231
He said, "He's young, he'll forget."

1631
01:17:27,791 --> 01:17:29,231
"Alright, kid. Drink up! Good job!"

1632
01:17:30,471 --> 01:17:32,111
It was really wrong, what happened to that kid.

1633
01:17:35,231 --> 01:17:36,431
Pandit took an order one day.

1634
01:17:36,431 --> 01:17:37,711
The customer is standing here.

1635
01:17:38,271 --> 01:17:39,151
Pandit is standing here.

1636
01:17:39,671 --> 01:17:41,031
I don't know how...

1637
01:17:41,391 --> 01:17:43,631
...the order changed in this distance.

1638
01:17:44,391 --> 01:17:45,591
He said strawberry shake.

1639
01:17:45,591 --> 01:17:46,751
He heard phenyl.

1640
01:17:50,871 --> 01:17:52,831
He started making a strawberry shake.

1641
01:17:53,391 --> 01:17:55,311
First of all, he put peanut butter in it.

1642
01:17:56,711 --> 01:17:58,951
Then he put something else and the colour changed.

1643
01:17:59,311 --> 01:18:00,911
So to bring it back to a strawberry colour,

1644
01:18:00,911 --> 01:18:03,071
...he found Digene from somewhere and put it in.

1645
01:18:05,191 --> 01:18:06,351
The customer is standing right here.

1646
01:18:07,831 --> 01:18:10,111
Ultimately, the shake turned into something weird.

1647
01:18:10,231 --> 01:18:12,391
I saw it from the side and said, "What kind of acid is he making?"

1648
01:18:13,551 --> 01:18:15,111
I went to him and said, "You can't serve this."

1649
01:18:15,111 --> 01:18:16,111
"Somebody will die."

1650
01:18:16,751 --> 01:18:18,031
He said, "No way, it'll be fine."

1651
01:18:18,711 --> 01:18:19,391
"It'll be great."

1652
01:18:19,391 --> 01:18:21,111
I said, "No way, you taste it first."

1653
01:18:22,711 --> 01:18:23,791
The customer is standing right here.

1654
01:18:25,191 --> 01:18:26,311
He took out a glass.

1655
01:18:26,591 --> 01:18:28,391
Topped it up with the shake for the customer.

1656
01:18:28,671 --> 01:18:29,991
Then he took out a small glass.

1657
01:18:30,231 --> 01:18:31,911
Put some in it for himself.

1658
01:18:32,511 --> 01:18:33,911
Then he tasted it.

1659
01:18:35,751 --> 01:18:36,991
"What the fu-!"

1660
01:18:41,151 --> 01:18:42,791
"Don't drink this, fuckers! You'll die."

1661
01:18:44,231 --> 01:18:45,751
"Enjoy your drink!"

1662
01:18:56,591 --> 01:18:58,871
One day he was making an oregano shake or something.

1663
01:19:00,951 --> 01:19:02,551
He was making something weird and black.

1664
01:19:03,471 --> 01:19:05,791
He was looking at a video and making it.

1665
01:19:06,511 --> 01:19:08,471
There are two customers here, and us four over here.

1666
01:19:08,591 --> 01:19:09,751
Now, in the video...

1667
01:19:09,831 --> 01:19:12,431
...the mixie had just a little bit of shake in it.

1668
01:19:12,591 --> 01:19:13,991
So the guy didn't put his hand on it.

1669
01:19:16,791 --> 01:19:18,311
Pandit had filled it to the top!

1670
01:19:19,031 --> 01:19:20,591
He didn't keep it, so we didn't keep it.

1671
01:19:21,191 --> 01:19:22,431
Pandit switched it on,

1672
01:19:22,671 --> 01:19:23,671
...and then something happened.

1673
01:19:24,551 --> 01:19:26,431
The small lid hit the roof.

1674
01:19:27,351 --> 01:19:29,311
The shake landed on the customers.

1675
01:19:29,711 --> 01:19:31,031
So they were shitting bricks.

1676
01:19:31,751 --> 01:19:32,911
One of the owners says,

1677
01:19:32,911 --> 01:19:34,471
..."Dude, do it again! I'll make a boomerang!"

1678
01:19:39,791 --> 01:19:41,671
One day, we made some really tasty cold coffee.

1679
01:19:41,671 --> 01:19:42,551
We didn't sell it.

1680
01:19:44,791 --> 01:19:46,631
"We made it, so we'll drink!"

1681
01:19:47,511 --> 01:19:48,991
Customer asks, "Is there cold coffee?"

1682
01:19:48,991 --> 01:19:50,231
I say, "It's amazing!"

1683
01:19:54,911 --> 01:19:56,591
"Brilliant cold coffee, but you can't have any!"

1684
01:19:57,991 --> 01:19:59,431
And then, we shut it all down.

1685
01:19:59,431 --> 01:20:01,631
We didn't have rent to pay to the landlord anyway.

1686
01:20:01,831 --> 01:20:03,111
So he took our fridge.

1687
01:20:03,871 --> 01:20:05,151
We had to drink warm beer.

1688
01:20:05,831 --> 01:20:07,711
All of us were doing something there,

1689
01:20:07,831 --> 01:20:09,551
...and Pandit was packing in the kitchen.

1690
01:20:09,951 --> 01:20:11,991
This girl comes up with a camera and crew.

1691
01:20:11,991 --> 01:20:13,231
She said, "I'm a food blogger."

1692
01:20:14,391 --> 01:20:16,151
I said, "The inspector couldn't find any food here!"

1693
01:20:16,951 --> 01:20:19,071
She said, "I want to review your restaurant."

1694
01:20:19,391 --> 01:20:20,631
I said, "We don't want to get it done."

1695
01:20:21,591 --> 01:20:22,551
She said, "You should."

1696
01:20:22,551 --> 01:20:24,431
"We have so many followers, and such a big team."

1697
01:20:24,431 --> 01:20:25,631
I said, "Sister, just turn around."

1698
01:20:25,671 --> 01:20:27,071
"Right, and now go get lost."

1699
01:20:27,871 --> 01:20:30,111
Otherwise our bad wishes will become your followers.

1700
01:20:31,351 --> 01:20:32,191
She just didn't get it.

1701
01:20:32,191 --> 01:20:33,871
"Our followers will do this and that!"

1702
01:20:33,871 --> 01:20:34,951
I was like, keep talking.

1703
01:20:36,031 --> 01:20:37,511
Leave when you're done.

1704
01:20:38,031 --> 01:20:39,871
I figured nobody talks to this poor girl at her home.

1705
01:20:41,191 --> 01:20:42,471
So she got irritated after a point,

1706
01:20:42,471 --> 01:20:44,631
...and said, "You know, if our team wants to..."

1707
01:20:45,031 --> 01:20:46,671
"...they can ruin your rating as well."

1708
01:20:48,911 --> 01:20:50,231
I asked, "Ours?"

1709
01:20:51,311 --> 01:20:51,951
She said yes.

1710
01:20:51,951 --> 01:20:52,991
I said, "Go ahead."

1711
01:20:54,431 --> 01:20:55,511
"Try your best."

1712
01:20:56,031 --> 01:20:57,871
"You can't ruin it more than we already have!"

1713
01:20:58,391 --> 01:20:59,191
She said, "What do you mean?"

1714
01:20:59,191 --> 01:21:01,831
I said, "I mean, we picked up a customer for delivery one night!"

1715
01:21:02,791 --> 01:21:04,191
"From his own home!"

1716
01:21:04,751 --> 01:21:06,991
"We shut a small kid in the kitchen."

1717
01:21:08,071 --> 01:21:10,191
"Have you ever had a burger without a patty?"

1718
01:21:10,431 --> 01:21:12,231
"This menace licks the cream off the Oreo!"

1719
01:21:12,231 --> 01:21:13,031
"Look at him."

1720
01:21:13,711 --> 01:21:15,151
"Can you make us look any worse?"

1721
01:21:16,071 --> 01:21:17,911
She asks, "Is either of you the manager?"

1722
01:21:17,911 --> 01:21:19,471
I said, "Nope, we're all the owners."

1723
01:21:25,551 --> 01:21:26,751
She asks, "Anybody with manners?"

1724
01:21:26,751 --> 01:21:27,551
I said, "Yes, one of us."

1725
01:21:27,551 --> 01:21:29,031
"Pandit, come over here. Hurry up."

1726
01:21:29,671 --> 01:21:31,671
"Go drop sister outside, send her home."

1727
01:21:31,871 --> 01:21:33,951
He came looking pissed enough to break her camera.

1728
01:21:33,991 --> 01:21:35,991
As soon as he crossed me, he goes to her and says,

1729
01:21:36,311 --> 01:21:37,071
..."Sakshi?"

1730
01:21:39,311 --> 01:21:40,751
Thank you so much, ladies and gentlemen.

1731
01:21:43,191 --> 01:21:44,311
Thank you for coming!

1732
01:21:48,711 --> 01:21:49,831
Wherever you're sitting!

1733
01:21:50,391 --> 01:21:51,151
Take care.

1734
01:21:51,151 --> 01:21:51,911
Love you!

1735
01:22:15,231 --> 01:22:16,751
How long was it in Mumbai, finally?

1736
01:22:17,631 --> 01:22:19,831
How long? I didn't say any nonsense today.

1737
01:22:19,831 --> 01:22:21,311
So an hour and forty minutes.

1738
01:22:21,671 --> 01:22:23,031
There was no crowd work.