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[gentle music]
[Man on PA] Welcome ladies and gentlemen to the
Annual Calgary Wedding Fair.
Please visit all the fabulous vendors who will give you
lots of great ideas for your wedding.
And you'll wanna stick around for our bridal fashion show
right here in the main concourse.
Come see the latest bridal fashions and trends.
You won't want to miss it.
Of course, don't forget to enter our draw
sponsored by Calgary Modern Wedding Magazine.
I'm Bob Hines, and I'm the editor.
One lucky bride and groom will a $100,000 dream wedding.
So fill out your ballots because we'll be announcing the winner
right after the fashion show.
Best of luck to all of you.
And fellas don't forget, your lovely lady
is shopping here today for you.
She wants to look good for you.
And a happy wife is a happy life.
So it's not just ladies here today.
There's ladies, there's men,
there's everyone and there's champagne for all.
Oh my gosh, Katey, this is beautiful.
Oooh, Awww.
Champagne-scented rose petals.
Oh, great idea.
Perfect smell for a hangover.
We have a special on faux rose petals.
Soft plastic, but nobody can tell.
Well, talk to my sister.
She's getting married, not me.
Oh, I know, dear, I can tell.
We also hand dip the chapel flowers
to match your hair color.
Oh, we're just having a simple, quickie wedding.
My fiance is from Australia, so he's gotta go back.
Last week.
I know, I know.
We're getting married in two weeks,
then living in Australia, it's all so exciting!
Right, Kate?
Uh, Planet Earth, Kate Wilde?
Oh, oh, sorry, I was just looking around.
Are these fake?
Faux, not fake.
Huh.
Oh my gosh.
They're so soft!
Both my younger sisters got married before me, dear,
so I know how you feel.
Is that champagne?
Oh, yes, it's delicious and it's free.
Let's go get more.
[crowd chattering] [music]
♪ The only way to know if someone's sent from above ♪
♪
♪ If a bell rings, it must be love ♪
♪
♪ If only one sweet face can make your poor heart sing ♪
♪ Well, ring-a-ding-ding, it must be love ♪
♪ The skies are blue way up above and flowers bloom below ♪
♪ But like birds of a feather we've come here together ♪
♪ And our love won't let go ♪
♪ You can't get no sleep because they're on your mind ♪
♪ When church bells chime, it must be love ♪
Hi there, hello!
Oh, wow!
Look at this.
This is smart, right?
'Cause like, you can see everyone.
I agree.
[Megan laughing]
These are so cool!
This is the one, I like it a lot.
Wow, that's beautiful.
Oh my gosh.
- Look at you! - Thank you!
♪ The skies are blue way up above and flowers bloom below ♪
♪ But like birds of a feather we've come here together ♪
♪ And our love won't ever let go ♪
♪ You can't get no sleep because they're on your mind ♪
♪ Well, ring-a-ding-ding ♪
♪ And your poor heart sings ♪
♪ When you hear the bells ring ♪
♪ It must be love
[camera snaps]
Yeah, just one more, just smiling.
[photographer chuckles]
All right, there it is.
Okay, so, I don't know, maybe you want to get married
near the Eiffel Tower.
Oui, oui, non?
Or maybe you need something a little more gnarly, right?
Hawaii?
- Oh. - Oh, yeah.
I can marry you anywhere in the world, really.
I mean, if reality's not good enough for your wedding,
just call me.
Well, actually it's just my sister getting married,
not me.
Are you sure about that?
I don't know.
You know what, I'll even throw in the lucky guy.
Oh.
Oh, you and Jeff look great together.
You met at a coffee shop.
Do you know him?
Is he single?
Megs!
Oh, I'm just kidding.
But you actually do know him?
Naw, I got him off the net.
But he looks like a Jeff, right?
Or a Colby, Trey?
I don't know, good-looking people
always have good looking names, don't they?
I mean, beautiful women always have beautiful names
like Lorelei, or Vanessa, or Megan, or Kate.
Hey, have you entered the draw?
No, I haven't, but I did see this sign at the front door.
Sorry, eager bride.
Oh, Megs, this is for a wedding in June,
you'll be gone by then.
Uh, we will.
But you won't.
What? No, no, no, no!
Mm-hmm
Good luck.
You didn't.
Yep.
That's crazy, I don't even have a boyfriend!
Well, you better find one fast.
Wedding's in June.
[Kate sighs]
Katey, chill, what's the big whoopty-do?
What if I win?
Then you get like a lot of cool stuff, look.
Massages, pedicures, trips.
Heck, half this stuff isn't even for weddings.
Diamond rings, floral arrangements,
and a custom wedding dress.
The other half is.
Katey, there's like 1,000 names in there.
Relax.
[Kate scoffs]
♪ When somebody loves you right ♪
♪
♪ Yeah
♪ When somebody loves you right ♪
♪
♪ Yeah this feelings the best ♪
♪ No aftershock, there is no second guess ♪
♪ Rhythm and music that pulls from the rest ♪
♪ Bop bop bop bop, loosen your chest ♪
♪ Yeah this feelings the best ♪
♪ No aftershock, there is no second guess ♪
♪ Rhythm and music that pulls from the rest ♪
♪ Bop bop bop bop, loosen your chest ♪
♪
♪ When you really love somebody ♪
♪ All you want is them to know ♪
♪ Make you feel like you're somebody ♪
♪ Nothing can turn out wrong ♪
♪ No matter where you are ♪
- ♪ No matter where you go - ♪ Always be by your side
- ♪ Making sure that you know - ♪ By your side
♪ Somebody loves you right ♪
♪ When somebody loves you right ♪
♪
♪ When somebody loves you right ♪
♪
♪ When somebody loves you right ♪
♪
♪ When somebody loves you right ♪
♪
♪ Yeah ♪
[audience applauding]
Hello, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome.
I'm Bob Hines, and I'm the editor
of Calgary Modern Marriage magazine.
And it's time for a lucky lady to win her dream wedding.
Let's see who it is.
You are crazy.
And the winner of the $100,000 dream wedding
is Kate Wilde!
[Megan screams]
[Kate shushes]
Kate Wilde, is that you?
One word and you're dead.
Kate Wilde, you have to be here to win, dear.
Kate Wilde?
Well, it's a big building.
I'll just give her a call and see if she's here.
I had to. [phone ringing]
It said to.
I am going to kill you!
I swear, nobody will find your body.
[phone ringing] And no jury would convict me.
A big day for Kate Wilde.
Kate Wilde, is that you?
Come on up here, claim your prize.
Ladies and gentlemen, Kate Wilde,
the winner of the $100,000 dream wedding.
You won! Ha ha!
She won!
No, no, there's been some kind of mistake and--
No.
No, no, do you know what?
We're just gonna have a little chitchat.
We'll be right back.
Thank you very much.
Must be wedding nerves.
She'll be right up here in a moment, folks.
$100,000 dream wedding.
Kate Wilde. Isn't it wonderful?
[indistinct chatter]
Megs, what are you doing?
I can't accept this!
Sure you can.
You won, fair and square.
They picked you.
I'm not getting married!
So?
Only you and I know that.
Look, do you see any TV crews, paparazzi?
Outside of this building, nobody knows, and nobody cares.
Like not even these businesses care who win.
They're doing this just for publicity and advertising.
[knocks] Uh, excuse me?
Kate Wilde?
They're ready for you.
Is everything okay?
No, it's not.
Yes, yes, everything is fine.
She's just a little shy.
Could you just give us one more minute?
Okay, yeah.
Thanks.
Katey, the next couple months, what are you going to do?
Well, work?
No, no, I mean, to meet people.
Specifically, single men type people.
Office parties, bars, Craigslist?
Okay, fine, what about just going out on the town,
getting pampered and waxed and massaged,
new clothes, new look, $100,000 new you?
How does that sound?
But what about the other women, the real brides?
Who's to say, by June, you won't be a real bride?
History, logic, reality.
It could happen.
You're being pro-active, make it happen.
Okay, fine, then do it for me.
I'm not going to see you for a really long time.
Katey, this is a gift from God!
We can do all of this fantastic stuff together!
God, Katey, for once in your life, don't be sensible.
Live it up!
You could meet more people
and have more fun than you've had in forever.
Okay, but you're forgetting something.
What?
The wedding!
50% of the bride and groom thing, it's missing.
Well, you just break up!
With who?
Raoul.
[Kate] Raoul?
Raoul, Ted, Fred, it doesn't really matter.
You just say that your guy gets cold feet.
My darling Kate.
It's not you, it's me.
I'm just not quite ready to commit but I hope--
Okay, spare me.
I know the drill.
[sighs] Okay, I am crazy to even think this, but...
Maybe, the day after you leave,
I could call them and tell them that the wedding is off
and they'll have time to find a real bride.
Yeah!
Go, Katey, go, Katey!
You are insane and I am insane for listening.
Yeah, it runs in the family.
Look, Katey, you're doing this.
If you don't, you're gonna regret it for your entire life.
Oh, I already regret it.
No more talk.
C'mon, let's go.
Let's go.
[Joanne gasps]
Kate Wilde has won a $100,000 dream wedding.
And to get that, to come up and get her prize.
Come on up, Kate!
We're back!
Sorry, everyone.
New bride nerves, you know how it is.
Kate, are you here?
Oh, ladies and gentlemen, our winner, Kate Wilde!
[audience applauding]
Congratulations.
Welcome.
Welcome, and congratulations
on winning $100,000 dream wedding just for you.
Thank you.
Sorry, she's a little shy.
I am Kate's sister and I will be accepting on her behalf,
so thank you.
[laughs] Very nice of you.
A bridesmaid?
Uh, yeah, yeah, I sure am.
Look, we're in a bit of a hurry, so-
Yes, I saw that, I saw that.
I saw you rush off there.
Now, Kate, it almost looked like you did not want
to win this contest, but that can't be right.
So tell me, Kate, is your wonderful fiance
here with you today?
No, no, you know men.
[chuckles]
They'd rather have dental surgery
than be dragged to this place.
My own fiance refused to come.
Oh, so you're getting married as well?
Yes, yes, I am.
He proposed last week.
Oh, that's wonderful, congratulations to you both.
Now, Kate, I'm sure you'd love
to have your fiance standing right next to you
on this special day.
Why don't we give him a call
and explain to him all the
wonderful things that have happened to you?
- No! - No!
No?
- No. - No.
No, we can't.
He is in Mexico.
- Way up in the mountains... - Oh, the mountains, yeah.
by the ocean.
Yes, and there's no cell phones there.
There's not even Internet.
- He's a doctor. - [gasps] A doctor, a doctor.
And he also builds homes for the poor.
[Crowd] Awww!
Anyway, we really have to go, so...
Builds homes for the poor in Mexico.
Ladies and gentlemen, I ask...
[audience applauding]
You must be so proud of him.
She is, she really, really is.
She just can't stop talking about him, except for right now.
So, we could just gotta grab--
What's his name?
Raoul.
Raoul?
Raoul.
Yes, um.
Raoul DeCredenza.
Yes, six four, beautiful blue eyes, great butt.
[laughs] Sounds lovely.
Anyway, we're actually on our way to the airport,
we've gotta go get him.
Andy, would you come up and take a couple of photographs
of our winner please and her sister?
How exciting...
Pictures.
Hi.
All right, right there, and smile.
- Smile. - Yeah, yeah.
There it is.
All right, well, congratulations.
- Although I thought that-- - Katey, go get the car.
Hi, yeah, I just need this.
We need to get to the airport.
Oh, please allow us to take you to the airport.
- No. - Please.
We have a stretch limousine at your disposal.
A what?
A stretched limo.
[audience applauding]
A limo.
- Yes. - Uh...
Actually, we can just take a couple more pictures.
Couple more pictures.
Andy, if you would.
All right.
Yeah, not a problem.
You know the drill, right in the lens,
and the smile thing again.
Uh, yeah, say "I love weddings!"
I love weddings!
I love weddings.
[music]
Stretch limo, baby!
Every Sunday until the Big Day.
You mean, our court date, when we get sued?
What do you mean we, stranger?
I've been carjacked, taken hostage.
I can't believe I let you talk me into this.
Oh yes, a limo, champagne.
You poor thing.
I swear I am an only child.
You must have been adopted
by some depressed Swedish Puritans or something.
[groans] Mom, Dad, my friends.
Oh, Kate, nobody knows except for you and I.
And even if someone does find out, what's the big deal?
You won a big prize at the Wedding Fair.
Yeah, a wedding.
Usually, that involves two people.
Oh, let's have lunch at La Gavroche.
French food, Kate, we're going to eat French food!
Oh, I am so having this.
What is it?
I have no idea, but it's 100 bucks, so must be good.
Oh, you and Dave go.
We can't.
You have to be there.
You're the bride, remember?
Oh.
[Driver] We're here.
Uh, where?
The airport?
Right.
Thank you.
First time in a limo, and nobody we know sees us.
Thank God.
Need help with anything?
Yeah, actually you can just take us back.
Take you back? But--
Sorry.
No, no, thank you so much for the ride.
We're okay.
Yes, thank you.
It was lovely.
We'll see you next Sunday, right?
Hey, what are you doing in June?
Sorry.
She was dropped on her head as a baby.
You know, maybe stuck a fork in a toaster at one point.
Anyway, thank you so much.
Limo is beautiful.
You take care now, we gotta catch our flight.
Our bags are in there with our fiance, that's fine.
Thank you.
Take care now.
[exhales]
Okay, we have had our fun.
Uh, no, we are just getting started.
No, we are not.
We are going home.
Wait, weren't you supposed to meet Dave after the fair?
Oh my gosh, with everything going on, I totally forgot.
[phone ringing]
[Dave] Hello.
Hi, uh, we're at the airport.
You're where?
At the airport.
We don't have our car.
It's kind of a long story.
Megan, I'm at the consulate.
You need to be here with me.
Crikeys, we got like a million things to do
and you go to the bloody airport?
Where's your car?
At the fair.
We drove here in a stretched limo.
It was fantastic!
I don't give a rat's back...
I don't give a rat's back side if flying dingos took you!
Megan, you've got to be more responsible.
Just, just get here as fast as you can.
Okay, bye, I love you.
We need two taxis.
I've gotta go to the consulate.
Passport stuff.
You okay?
[sighs] Just stressed.
The wedding, the trip.
We've fought more in the past six days
than we have in the entire six months.
God, 60 million men in this country,
and I marry an Australian?
[Kate laughs]
But I'm glad we won this thing.
It was fun today, huh?
Raoul DeFirenza?
DeCredenza.
Raoul DeCredenza.
Six four, blue eyes.
Yeah, buns of steel, I know.
[scoffs] You are a nut.
Why couldn't you have gone with John Smith?
That name, they can't check up on.
Who, the wedding cops?
Nobody cares, Kate.
In two weeks, you and Dave will be split up, and it's over.
What? It was a good idea.
Uh, no, Meg, you said Dave, not Raoul.
Oh, nobody cares what you call your fake husband.
The next two weeks, sis,
you and me are going to bump it like a trumpet.
Am I right?
[Kate groans]
Relax.
Nobody knows but us, okay?
And I'm not gonna tell a soul.
Unless we get caught.
Then I talk.
Oh.
I'm kidding, I'm kidding.
Look, I'll call you when I'm done, okay?
And tomorrow, first thing, we're going to the spa.
[indistinct announcement over airport PA]
[Kate sighs]
[Kate] Maybe the day after you leave,
I could call them and tell them that the wedding is off
and they'll have time to find a real bride.
Yeah.
[Joanne scoffs]
[machine whirring]
[chimes tinkling]
[gentle music]
That's perfect, thank you.
Feeling better?
Less paranoid?
Kinda, yeah.
Good.
I was worried you'd enter into a Witness Relocation Program.
- Again... - [stammering] Oh, oh.
Congratulations.
It is a shame that your fiance couldn't join us.
So, will you guys be ready to order?
[phone ringing]
Megan, you go.
Hello?
[Bob] Is this Kate Wilde?
[Kate] Yep, speaking.
Hi, Kate, it's Bob Hines,
editor of Calgary Modern Wedding Magazine.
[Kate spits]
You must remember me, we met yesterday.
[stammering] Uh, uh, uh, yes, yes.
[chuckles] Have you used any of your prizes yet?
Don't touch the wine!
Why, what's wrong?
It's the wedding fair, they found out.
Mr. Hines, I'll pay it all back, every penny,
even for the wine.
I'm sorry.
You know, I'd been drinking, I wasn't thinking.
Please forgive me.
I'll deal with this later.
Mr. Hines?
Hello, Kate, Kate?
I'm sorry, it's just a madhouse here today.
Now, Kate, we're gonna need photographs of you and Raoul.
It's for our June issue.
Andy Swenson is going to be the photographer,
he'll take the shots.
And I certainly hope you're enjoying your gifts.
We're fine, they don't know.
No, I have to tell him.
Mr. Hines--
- Give me that. - Hey!
Hi, this is Megan, Kate's sister.
Do you always speak for Kate?
Yes, I do.
We'll get you those pictures.
But we gotta go, bye!
Okay.
Charming lady.
What are you doing?
Give me that!
No, Kate, we're fine.
- They don't know. - They will soon.
Give me that!
No, Kate, look.
They just want pictures of you and some guy.
What's the big deal, you guys are gonna be broken up anyway
by the time the magazine comes out.
They'll just pull the photo.
What photo?
And what guy?
Any photo, you and any guy.
[gasps] Dave!
Dave will do it.
He's tall, he's good-looking, he's got a great butt.
Megs, what do we tell him, huh?
How do we explain to him
that he's posing for wedding photos with me?
Megan?
Oh my gosh, he already knows.
You already told him.
Katey, I'm sorry, I had to tell him.
He was so mad at me yesterday.
Look, you should see our passport pictures,
we were both so upset, we look horrible.
You know, these past couple days,
I don't know if I'm doing the right thing.
Megan, he loves you and you love him.
I know, I know.
It's just with him proposing and me leaving,
it's just all happening so fast.
And God, in two weeks I'm going to be
in a whole different country with a husband!
And without Mom, without Dad, without my big sister.
I'm such a baby, I can't stand it.
No, no, no.
You're actually very brave.
I'm the one who's backed out twice.
Heck, look at me now.
I can't even go through with a fake wedding.
[Megan laughs]
Did you tell anyone else?
Hmmm?
Megs.
What, is it all over your Facebook?
No, no!
Just one little e-mail, to Vicky,
but I swore to her, complete and total secrecy.
I can hear 100 Twitters spreading the news.
No, Kate, that's so not happening.
Look, Dave and I will come to your work tomorrow
and we'll take some pictures of you guys.
Nuh uh.
They want the photographer from the wedding fair,
you know, the guy with the beard?
All right, sure, we'll do it.
[gasps] You and Dave should totally have a fight!
You know, like a little argument.
That way, it sort of sets the seeds
for the eventual breakup.
Huh? What do you think?
I think we're both gonna be wearing straight-jackets soon.
Oh, Kate, it's just 13 more days, and then...
I'm sorry, I caught Frozen Female Feet.
Wedding's off, bye!
Give me that.
Where's our waiter?
I'm hungry.
Hey, guys.
G'day, darling wife.
Oh yeah.
Look, thanks for doing this.
I know it seems crazy but Megan talked me into it.
Me too.
I was going to refuse but then it dawned on me,
things just might work out.
[Megan kicks]
Oi, crikey, not even bloody well married yet.
All right, we should get going.
I only have an hour.
Katherine, sorry, excuse me.
Before you go, these rental contracts.
What about them?
Well, you see, there's an important
disclosure failure here.
Your wedding!
[Office Workers] Surprise!
What are you talking about?
Oh my God!
And you must be the lucky man?
Am I?
[Office Workers] Speech, speech, speech, speech, speech,
speech, speech, speech, speech, speech, speech!
Uh, listen, guys, this is very nice of you,
but you didn't have to do this because I-
Oh, we know.
I mean, what could we possibly get you?
You already have everything you need.
Actually, I don't.
That's the problem.
Wow, this is embarrassing.
Bottom line, I'm not getting married.
You know, I'd been drinking, I wasn't thinking,
and I made a very big mistake.
Guys, guys, come on, you'll work through this.
Megan.
They're just going through a little bit of a rough patch.
Megan, I will push your head through a rough patch,
if you don't shut up.
It happens to all couples before weddings.
You know, the stress, the travel, passports.
But I'm sure these two will work it out.
We just have to talk, we'll be right back.
I'm sure it'll work out.
I mean, trust me, I'm a bit of an expert.
Been married three times.
You do have a pre-nup though, right?
You are embarrassing me in front of my co-workers.
Megan, this is over, done, finished.
See this?
Take a good look!
I am in the paper, for goodness sake!
What, some neighborhood rag
that maybe 10 people will ever see?
They saw it!
Anyway, I told them that I'm not getting married,
so this is it, it's over.
No, Kate, it's not over.
Not until we tell the wedding people.
And we'll do that after we have our fun.
Look, Kate, you agreed to do this, come on!
That was before my co-workers found out
that I'm marrying my sister's fiance.
They don't know who Dave is.
They will in two weeks,
when they see you two in the paper cutting wedding cake.
So they'll just think he moves fast and that I'm a tramp.
Look, I'm leaving anyway, remember?
I'm not!
I have to deal with this.
Look, Megan, I love you, but you are 26.
It is time for you to grow up.
You mean, be like you.
What's that supposed to mean?
What, you don't want to be boring,
sensible, and afraid of commitment?
Geez, what's so bad about that?
The only thing worse would be
an irresponsible, immature girl
who'd marry a man she's only known for six months.
Sounds great.
Sign me up.
I did!
This is ridiculous.
I can't believe we're arguing about it.
I know!
Look, if you want to call it quits,
and break poor Dave's heart, do it.
At least we had one fun day.
[sighs] Well, I did tell the truth
about me not getting married.
So if you're going to guilt trip me into having fun,
we better go get my future ex-husband.
Um, yeah, before he dumps us both.
[Kate laughs]
I'm sorry, but if you don't have an appointment
with Mr. Hines, you can't see him today.
He'll want to see me.
Mr. Hines!
This is gonna be great.
I have thought this all through.
Dave, you're really going to pretend
to be Raoul DeCrendeza?
Si, senorita.
No problemo, love.
Oh.
What?
A subtle hint of Aussie poking through?
Just a wee bit there, mate.
Actually, Dave and I have come up with a plan.
Right, honey bunny?
Right, pookie-bear.
What is that plan?
A good one.
Just let me do the talking.
That's how I got into this mess in the first place,
so please tell me the plan.
I can't believe you don't trust me.
Look, when we go in there,
Dave, I mean, Raoul
speaks no English.
Ah.
Right, and then how do we talk to him?
Oh.
Should've made him a mute,
then we could've used sign language.
It's true.
That's a right bright idea.
What? It is.
So what do we do now?
Come on, love, it doesn't matter.
This photographer bloke won't care.
No English it is.
Let's go.
Hello?
Andy?
Guys, it's gonna be great.
Anybody here?
Hello?
[Andy] Yeah, be right there.
Hi.
Hi, I'm Megan.
- I remember. - Hi, Megan.
And hi, Kate.
Good to see you again.
You must be Raoul?
Tell me, how does it feel to be the winner
of a $100,000 wedding?
Raoul does not speak any English.
Oh.
[Andy speaking in foreign language]
Or Spanish.
Really?
That must prove difficult working in Mexico.
Saving children.
Um, yeah.
Look, we're in a bit of a rush, so...
Oh, yes, the pictures, right?
Yeah well, hey, I saw you guys walking in,
took the liberty of just grabbing a few candids.
Got one here that's- I think really special.
[sighs] This is gonna be one interesting wedding album.
Yes, you see, in Raoul's country,
men kiss the bride's sisters.
Megan, give it a rest, okay?
We're busted.
Yeah, I reckon so.
Sorry, mate.
Feel like a bloody fool now.
Oh, I mean, he speaks kind of English.
Hi, Andy.
- Where you from? - Australia.
Dave Whyte.
Megan and I are getting married.
And I am not.
But I think I told you that at the fair, didn't I?
Yes.
You must think we're idiots, or crazy.
Or both.
Actually, I'm just more curious
as to why you even entered the contest.
Oh, I didn't.
No.
Look, I never thought that she would win.
And when she did, I thought, meh, we'll just have some fun,
and maybe she'll meet a nice guy.
I was only going to do it for two weeks.
That's how long Megan and Dave are in town for,
and then I was gonna have a break up.
And then they'd pick somebody else.
Look, we didn't mean any harm by it,
we were just having fun.
So please, don't turn her in now.
Oh, like to the marriage police?
Drop the ring, come out with your hands up!
So you're not mad?
No, not at all, this is hilarious.
You guys are great.
I mean, I've got a warped sense of humor,
so as far as I'm concerned,
you can just milk this like as long as you need to.
- Really? - Yeah.
Well, in that case...
No!
No, two weeks.
This has been stressful enough,
I feel like I'm actually getting married.
Got that right.
No offense, mate, but what's with all the bloody fooferall?
Matching bloody teacups and napkins.
Christ.
Me and Megs are having a simple quickie wedding,
and it's still a nightmare.
Uh, thanks a lot.
You know what I mean.
What should be so simple usually just turns
into a cocked-up footy scrum-bash.
A what?
I dunno, but I'm going to buy a book.
I think what he's trying to say is,
correct me if I'm wrong,
you want like a more simple wedding, like Vegas style?
Just 50 bucks, five minutes, you're out or?
50 bucks.
Hey, look.
A wedding is every woman's once in a lifetime special day.
There should be roses, there should be candles, and doves,
and it should be romantic.
Right, Kate?
Well, seeing as I'm having a $100,000 wedding, I agree.
Katey, if you find the right guy now,
you'll be quite the catch.
Except he'll have to marry me in a few months.
And we all know how well quickie marriages turn out.
We're wasting your time.
Very sorry to bother you,
but it's very nice to have met you.
It was nice to have met you as well
and you're not bothering me at all.
In fact, Kate, I mean, are you into tall, handsome men?
She is, mate, but I'm taken.
Okay, well, I work with models all the time
so I was thinking, what if I just spoke to a few
and told them that they would be part
of this dream wedding campaign, right?
And you just need to pretend to be a groom for two weeks.
I mean, a lot of them would probably come out for free
just to get their faces out there.
Uh, yeah.
I don't know.
It's not a bad way to meet somebody.
Oh my God, it's a great idea!
Look Katey, look at these hunks!
They're gorgeous.
[Dave clears throat]
Just like you, honey.
All right, let's pick a hottie.
Oh, come on, Megs, I mean, I can't just look at-
Wow, he's fit.
Uh, yeah.
- Uh, Glenn. - Glenn?
Yeah, Glenn.
Yeah, he's a fitness and sport model, but...
- No? - No.
Trust me.
Oh, what about him?
Or him?
Or him, or him, or him, or him?
Babe, babe.
I think she can only choose one.
This coming from the guy marrying two sisters.
Okay, guys, I don't know about this.
I mean, yes, they are very good-looking,
but I'm attracted to someone with a good sense of humor,
and someone I can actually talk to.
God, Katey, what's wrong with you?
You drive me crazy.
You know, Kate, I wouldn't judge
a handsome book by its cover too quickly.
I mean, a lot of these guys are students, pre-med, pre-law,
they're actually pretty bright.
And they're hot!
Look, Katey, you so totally have to do this.
Please?
I guess, maybe.
Yay, we can double-date!
So, Biff, how much weight did you lift today?
A small country?
Belgium?
Either way, we still have to be kind of careful.
Some of them are married, some of them have girlfriends,
and then some of them are married with girlfriends.
[phone ringing]
Yeah, I don't know how that works.
Hello?
Kate Wilde?
Bob Hines, hi.
Listen, Kate, I was just wondering,
have you and Raoul had a chance
to get to the studio and get those pictures taken yet?
Uh, no.
No, we haven't just yet.
Would you mind holding on just a second?
It's the magazine guy,
he wants to know if we took the pictures yet.
I really don't like this.
Bob Hines?
Yeah.
You mind if I take it?
Bob, hey, it's Andy Swenson here.
Listen, could you call back?
I am literally just about to shoot Kate
and her fiance right now.
Yeah, with a camera, yeah.
No, yeah, they're a wonderful couple.
Yeah.
No, not a problem.
Yeah, absolutely, I'll e-mail you
as soon as I have the images.
Yeah, okay.
Bye.
Well, I mean, it's possible that he suspects something?
Either way, we should probably pick you a groom real quick.
No, no, no, if he suspects something,
I really don't want to get you into trouble.
No skin off my back.
I mean, as far as I'm concerned, you came in,
I shot you and your fiance, and he happens to be a model.
Yeah, what's the big deal?
You're gonna break up with this guy in two weeks anyway.
Unless my mail-order-husband plan works.
Pick a dude.
I'm sorry, Joanne, but our photographer Andy Swenson says
that Kate and Raoul are at the studio
getting their pictures taken as we speak.
And I'm telling you that that is a crock!
This chick ain't getting married, okay?
Just listen again.
Oh, please.
[Kate] The day after you leave, I can call them
and tell them that the wedding is off
and they'll have time to find a real bride.
Let's go out for pride.
What, no!
No, that is not what she is saying.
I'm sorry, Joanne, I don't know what they're saying.
I don't know who these people are.
All I see are feet.
And quite frankly, dear, I don't know who you are, okay?
So, I don't want to be rude,
[quietly] but I think it's time you left, okay?
If I can prove it, will you give me the prize?
- What? - Mr. Hines--
Do we have a deal?
Sure, yeah.
- Yes, yes? - You will, you bet.
- Yes, yes. - Sure.
Yes, Andy Swenson, yes!
Out of my way!
You have a call on line two
and I need you to make a decision
on these fabrics really quick.
Uh, Kari, get that to the printers, please.
As much fun as this is,
Megan and I still have some visa work to sort out.
So, if you'll excuse us...
Um, I'll take this for you, Katey, I'll help you out.
I'm sure she can handle it.
Really, it'd be no problem.
Nice to meet you, Andy.
You're a good sport.
Kate, see you later.
Megan, I'm gonna need that back.
Thank you.
[Andy clears throat]
Need the other one too.
Thank you.
Have fun.
- You want lunch? - Yeah.
You like soup and sandwich?
I mean, it's not fancy, but it's free.
Sure.
Follow me.
Aw, that was nice of him to do that for Kate.
[Dave snorts]
What?
Oh, come on, love,
you think if your sister looked like a wallaby's backside,
he'd be doing this?
That bloke fancies her, wants to give her the hard words.
The what?
The hard words.
I don't know what they bloody well call it in this country,
but down under, you put the hard words
to she that you like.
I cannot go to Australia.
I do not speak that language.
Oi, I had to learn Megan.
Like-oh-my-God, it's so totally awesome, bye.
So are you telling me that when we first met,
you put the hard words to me?
Uh, love, it's just an expression.
Well, it doesn't sound very romantic.
And it makes me wonder
what kind of country we'll be living in.
Trust me, [kisses] you'll love it in Oz.
You'll never want to come back.
And then they called my name,
and I just about had a heart attack.
And then I realized, no, I can't die yet,
I have to strangle Megan first.
Well, I remember thinking, wait a minute,
she just told me she was single like 15 minutes ago.
How did she meet a guy so fast?
But don't worry, I'm used to that.
I've had women on death row tell me,
"You know what, Andy,
"I'm just not ready for a relationship right now."
I'm kidding, she wasn't really on death row, yet.
I got a twisted sense of humor, I told you that, remember?
It's probably why I'm still single.
I know, huge shock, huge.
Actually, I am surprised.
No, really.
You're funny, you're very nice.
[groans] Not that word.
What word?
Nice.
Yeah, it's usually followed by the dropping of an F-bomb.
[Andy mimics explosion]
Friends.
Come on, you know it's true, right?
Hey, Andy, you're really nice, but let's just be friends.
It's a zone.
Yep, women want the bad boy.
Well, that's not true.
Really?
Okay, please look at exhibit A.
Look at his face.
Exhibit A, B, C.
None of them are smiling.
They're all going for this police line-up look.
Okay, they're like,
"Hey Baby, you wanna go on a date?
"Could end up in the back of a cop car
"and I'll write a song about it."
That sounds very appealing.
But it sells.
Listen, bad boys are exciting, right?
Nice guys are not.
Woman want the challenge of taming the bad boy.
Nice guys are already tame, there's no challenge.
Okay, well, what about bad girls?
What about 'em?
Other than, well, God bless 'em.
I think that men want the bad girls.
[grunts]
Well, good.
You know what?
I think men are just trying to get a girl.
And it's hard, good or bad.
Well, if you feel that way, Andy,
then why don't you just become a bad boy?
You know what?
I try.
How?
I drink straight outta the carton.
Come on.
Yeah, I don't even use the glass.
I'll have an After Eight dinner mint at five-thirty.
I don't care.
Yeah, you know what?
I'm going to try the face, brace yourself.
That's terrifying.
[laughs] I can't do it.
Good.
Women don't want a bad guy.
The problem is
that most nice guys are too shy to ask us out.
Trust me, Andy, stay the way you are.
Uh huh.
No, I'm serious.
Women want a man like you.
[gentle music]
So you notice how I put him in front?
Yeah, she was nine months pregnant.
Practically had to use a fish eye lens to take a picture.
Yeah, they would not speak to each other.
Not even sure if they're together anymore.
I mean, God only knows how many
of these couples are still together.
See, marriage in and of itself is beautiful.
The marriage industry, whew!
That's another machine.
I mean, what kind of business can survive
on a 50% failure rate?
But it just keeps on thriving.
It's the repeat business that keeps it going.
How about yourself, you ever been married?
No.
How about you?
No.
I could've been married twice.
I backed out both times.
Why, were they nice?
[Kate smacks]
Sorry, I'm sorry!
It's a family habit, I can't help myself.
Okay, I think I understand now
why you didn't marry those men.
They didn't survive the engagement.
[Kate laughs]
Kate and Raoul getting pictures taken today?
I don't think so.
Hey, you know what?
Maybe you would be interested in meeting Paul.
He's a fitness instructor,
pretty smart when it comes to fitness.
Anyway, he's five minutes away, you wanna go meet him?
You mean today, like now?
Yeah, today, like now.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
I mean, I'm dressed for work, not to meet someone.
You look great.
Not today.
You don't have much time.
I mean, you got two weeks
before you have to break up with someone.
I know, I know, but what if he says no?
To pretending to marry you?
What kind of guy would say no to that?
No, c'mon, c'mon, it's not far.
C'mon.
[music]
I mean he's a physical trainer,
but he's not like a mean fitness guy.
He's not like "Hey, your earlobes are soft and squishy,
"get down and give me 1,000 push-ups!
"Do it!"
I never thought about them before.
Another thing to worry about when I meet him.
Thanks a lot.
You're okay.
Andy, I don't usually go for that macho man type.
Never have.
Okay, okay, I got a plan.
All right, I'll go in first and I'll talk to him.
All right, you just check him out from a distance.
And if you don't want me to introduce you,
then give me a signal.
Okay, like?
[Andy] Yeah, that works.
So if you do that, then I won't introduce you.
So if I don't like him, I do this?
- Uh huh. - But what if I do like him?
Just come over and say hi or talk to him.
Or tackle him?
- Okay. - Okay.
- All right. - All right, let's do this.
But they are soft and squishy!
He's never not here, so...
Okay.
There he is.
Hey, Paul.
Yo, Andy! What's up, dog?
What's up, bro, you chilling?
You maxin' relaxin' or what?
Yeah, just maxin' relaxin' all cool.
Shooting some B-ball out.
Yeah, you know what?
It's good to see you, I'm gonna go.
Oh, hi.
Hi.
Oh.
Hi. Paul Thompson, this is Kate Wilde.
Hi, Kate.
It's nice to meet you.
Hi, Paul.
Oh, is this a shoot?
Where's your camera?
No, no, I'm not working.
Oh.
I didn't think you were a model.
Well, I mean, you're not dressed for a booty call.
And you don't have that fake bored
"why is everybody staring at me" look on your face.
[laughs] Oh, no.
[Paul] So what brings you two in?
Andy.
Um.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Paul, listen, this could come across really awesome.
This could be awesome.
Hey, would you be interested in pretending
to be Kate's fiance?
I mean, you'd have a fake name, of course,
like Raoul DeCredenza.
What are you two up to?
Kinda like, acting in a play?
Yeah.
I'll be the groom, and she's the bride?
Yeah, I mean, unless you want to switch roles.
We could lengthen the dress, shorten the pants.
I mean, would your girlfriend or wife mind?
Oh, no, no, they wouldn't care.
I'm just kidding, I'm single.
Oh!
[Kate laughs]
So Raoul DeCredenza?
Uh huh.
Yeah, that could be cool.
I am an actor.
I do a little bit of bit parts.
You know, like this bit, like that bit, like this bit.
Little body doubling, you know?
Yeah, Paul's been an ass in a couple movies now.
Oh.
So two weeks, huh?
Sure, if you want.
Sorry?
I mean, yes, until my sister leaves.
Then we'd break up.
Huh.
All right, let's do it.
Could be fun.
Besides, we wouldn't have to go through with the real deal.
Oh, no.
Well.
And, Kate, you look good now, but two weeks with me,
maybe you'll get in better shape, right?
We're gonna go.
- Yeah, thanks. - Sounds great.
- Yeah. - Next time.
[Andy] Yeah.
Bye, Paul.
[Andy] Back that way.
Yeah, later.
Raoul DeCredenza.
Yeah.
Might get in better shape?
What did he mean by that?
It's his job, he trains people, I...
He shouldn't have said that.
I mean, he said you looked good though, right?
So, other than that, what'd you think?
Well, other than calling me fat?
Yeah, he's nice.
Oh, well, I guess when you're a Viking warrior god,
you can afford to be nice.
Well, we'll see.
I mean, yes, he is very attractive,
but I don't judge a man based on looks alone.
Oh.
Uh, Kate?
[Kate] Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay, start from the beginning.
He is so beautiful.
Incredible eyes, amazing smile.
And his bod?
Oh my god.
[Megan] Wow.
It's like the statue of David.
Except with arms.
That's the Venus de Milo.
Oh, whatever.
Tell me more.
Okay, well, you know how I hate
when guys are like "Yo dog, wus'up bro?"
Oh, yeah.
Well, he did that,
and I just stood there smiling in a daze, like--
Like you lost your mind and became me?
Exactly.
[laughs] Megs, this is ridiculous!
This is just a physical attraction
that isn't going anywhere.
The smartest thing I could do is simply walk away
and never look back.
So when you seeing him?
Noon tomorrow.
So we have to go shopping like now.
I know the perfect place.
Andy?
Andy, it's Kate.
Yeah.
- Yeah, hi. - Hi.
Wow.
You look beautiful.
Oh, thanks.
Is Paul here yet?
- No. - Good.
What?
Nothing.
Kate isn't here right now.
I can take a message.
Your name is?
Oh, no, that's okay.
It's not about work.
I just wanted to make sure that I had the right Kate Wilde
to send a wedding present to.
This is her, correct?
Yes. Yes, that's Kate.
Oh, so you've seen this before?
Sure have. Big surprise.
Really?
Why?
- Well- - Uh huh?
First time any of us heard--
Uh huh?
Uh huh?!
Uh, sorry, how do you know Kate?
[laughs] Damn thing.
It just never stops.
I gotta take this, so I'm gonna come back later.
Thanks, little girl.
[music]
Maybe he changed his mind.
Maybe his battery died, I don't know.
[Kate] Did you take these?
Yeah, yeah, it's my more artsy side.
Too bad it doesn't pay the bills, huh?
They're beautiful.
Thank you.
I tend to use film for a lot of 'em
just cause it has a better look, you know?
- You still use film? - Yeah, absolutely.
I mean, every time I go in, all the photographers,
the young guys, they're always like,
"I thought an asteroid took you all out."
I'm like no, just let me buy the film, please.
[laughs] So, then I go out in the wild and I just shoot.
I love it. I live for it.
It must be great to have something
that you're so passionate about.
Yeah.
Sometimes it costs a lot.
[laughs]
[gentle music]
Don't worry, he's coming.
- You sure? - Oh yeah.
I got a shiny camera and light set up.
Guaranteed, he's on his way.
[gentle music]
I start work on Monday, so it'll be a short honeymoon,
but I reckon Christmas break, we can hit Bondi?
Beautiful bonzer beach, you'll love it.
The beach at Christmas?
Love, you'll be roasting.
But Christmas is supposed to be cold and snowing.
Not back home, it isn't.
Ah, sun-block and a floppy hat, no worries.
Um, I've been thinking.
Oi, what now, love?
What if, after we get married, we go to Australia later?
Honey, you know we can't go back later.
Even with us married, I still have to leave this country.
But I can come later.
Of course, I'm still gonna come and meet you,
it's just not quite yet.
Look, I love you, and I want to be your wife.
- But-- - You're a little nervous.
I'm a lot nervous.
I lose one more nerve, I go up to panic.
And, and when would you come join me?
How long would it take for you to be ready?
I...
I don't know.
What if we go to Hawaii?
It's a state, it's about halfway.
I looked at a map.
Megan, I understand.
It's a big change, and a big move.
But we can't get married
and then live on two different bloody continents.
[gentle music]
I love you.
And I want you on that plane beside me, as my wife.
So, you have to decide.
He is so rude. He's not coming.
He's coming, I just turned the light on.
I have a craft table.
Hey guys!
Sorry I'm late.
Yeah, just really wanted to rock it for your photos.
Oh, you are rocking it.
Thanks.
All right.
Speaking of hitting it, Andy,
thought you said Kate over here wasn't a model.
Oh, she's not, she was here on time.
Oh, Andy, come on, no, I don't care.
It's totally fine.
I am ready.
All right.
Oh, wow, what is that cologne?
It smells fantastic.
That's Contraction.
Contraception.
Something like that.
Contradiction?
[Paul] Yeah, that's it.
Yeah, I'm wearing it right now.
One time, I did this department store
publicity thing for them.
You know, spritzing people as they were walking by.
I was in a suit and tie,
the girls were dressed like Hooter girls.
That's hardly sexist, huh?
Yeah, they were telling the guys,
wear this and you'll get that lucky lady.
And to the girls,
wear this and you'll get that rich guy.
I should probably stop wearing that stuff then.
You were wearing a suit and tie?
Yeah.
Anyway, they gave me a bucket of the stuff.
You guys want some, you let me know.
Okay.
So what are we doing today?
Happy couple shots.
- Oh. - Yeah.
[Kate gasps]
Okay.
Like this.
I do these romance novel shoots.
With the hair-flying Barbarian and the Princess stuff?
Right.
Do you like that stuff?
Ah, it's okay.
It's weird 'cause they just take my photos
and turn 'em into drawings.
Do you enjoy that stuff or?
Depends on how hot the girl is.
Half the time they're fresh out of high school,
not much to talk about.
Besides, I'm standing there in my underwear,
holding this plastic sword, feeling like a tool.
Yeah, I'll bet.
So what do you do?
Real estate legal work.
Compared to what you do, it's boring.
Oh, but you got brains, you're smart.
Me, I get a pimple, or slack off on training,
I'm out of work.
Speaking of work, just right in the lens, please.
Right here.
Uh, Paul, you gotta smile, okay?
There it is, happy couple.
Sorry, I'm not used to smiling.
Everybody wants that bad boy look, you know?
Oh, Kate doesn't like bad boys.
No.
Okay.
So, hey, tilt your head back when you smile.
Oh, right.
Let the light sparkle in your eyes, reduce the shadows.
Yeah.
There it is.
Okay, next.
Just back up a little, you're in my light.
Oh, I'm so sorry, first time.
Oh, no, you're doing great.
Doing great.
Mr. Hines?
[Bob] Yes, Kari?
It's Joanne McKenzie again.
The wedding conspiracy lady.
Tell her I'm busy.
She said she'll wait all day.
Tell her I'm busy all day.
I should get danger pay.
And nobody at her work knew
until they saw that picture in the paper, okay?
Because she wasn't getting married
until she won that contest!
[laughs] She was just pretending.
You get that?
Yeah.
Yes, yes, ma'am.
Sorry, I just have to--
Read it back to me, okay?
Just read it back to me.
All of it.
I want to make sure you didn't screw it up
before your boss gets this.
Hello?
[Joanne screams]
You won't be smiling
when I rain all over your cheating parade.
[Joanne laughs]
A quarter turn to the right, show a slight profile.
And lean back to tighten the abs.
Okay, that looks...
Okay, we're not selling underwear though.
I know, sorry.
Hey, I been thinking about this Raoul guy.
I'm seeing him as a sort of an adventurer.
He's got this look
like he's always on the look-out for danger.
Oh, what if he's always on the look-out for Kate Wilde?
Yeah.
And then maybe just really wanted to get to know her
and then talk with her and maybe one day marry her.
[Paul laughs]
Yeah, use that.
Oh, sorry, I thought you were kidding.
No.
You know what, just look at her
the way that she's looking at you.
Like this?
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
So, she's single.
Oh, congratulations in quotation marks, and then "wink, wink".
Well, soon, I'll be sipping on champagne.
[sighs] What else we got?
Nice, okay, next?
Okay, I'm going to go have a look at those.
- I'll be back. - Right on, that rocked!
Yeah, it was great.
Awesome, good stuff.
All right, see you later.
Oh!
- Bye. - Bye.
[phone ringing]
Hey, Kate.
He kissed me!
Um, where? I need deets.
[Kate] In the photo shop.
No, no, I mean where?
Like mouth, or cheek?
Mouth.
Open or closed?
Closed.
For how long?
Did it linger?
No. But it wasn't like Wham Bam, either.
Just hang on a second.
Andy!
Yeah?
Thank you so much for today.
I have to get going, but I'll see you tomorrow?
Yeah.
Where are you? I'm coming over.
Bye.
[Andy sighs]
Thanks for everything, Andy.
It was a fun shoot.
[Megan] So were his eyes open?
I think so. It happened fast.
But we spent 20 minutes holding each other
and, oh, he smells so good.
And looking into each other's eyes,
oh, he has beautiful eyes.
But what if he was just acting, playing a part?
Like he was supposed to kiss me, so he did,
but he didn't actually mean it?
Well did he say anything before the kiss?
Um, thank you, that was fun.
And after?
Uh...
See you later, see you around, something like that.
The blood was kind of roaring in my ears.
Now I know what people feel like
when they get hit by lightning.
But we are meeting tomorrow
and doing a shoot at a tuxedo shop.
A shoot, hey?
Is that what you, Cindy, and Tyra call those things?
Megs, please, this isn't funny.
He's gonna show up looking fantastic
and I'm going to look like some tongue-tied idiot
with fat earlobes.
Fat what?
Megs, supermodels are the most
beautiful people on the planet.
Of course they kiss each other all the time,
I mean, why wouldn't they?
So, maybe in their world, it doesn't mean anything.
Kate, a kiss always means something.
Yeah, to us, it does.
But he's probably already forgotten this kiss
that you and I are dissecting to death.
I'm coming over right now.
- [Megan] Okay. - Okay.
[knocking]
[Megan] Who is it?
It's me, you putz, let me in!
What's wrong?
Nothing.
I'm fine.
[gentle music]
Don't look at me like that, Kate.
Everything's all right.
You and Dave?
Oh, Megs.
[Megan crying]
[phone ringing]
Kate Wilde, legal department.
Kate.
Hi, it's Kari, assistant to Mr. Hines
of Calgary Modern Wedding magazine?
Your business gave me this work number.
Um, okay.
Okay, we're having trouble reaching Andy Swenson
for a photo assignment.
Are you gonna be seeing him today or tomorrow?
[Kate] Um, tomorrow morning, at Topman's.
Topman's!
Great, good.
We will give him a call when you're done.
Have fun.
Okay, thank you, bye.
[Joanne laughs]
Oh, but you won't be having fun.
I bet mommy and daddy don't know nothing from nothing
about any of this.
20 minutes late and he takes forever to get ready.
Yeah, you get used to waiting on models.
I can go get him if you want.
Sorry, you two.
It's been a while since I've been draped in gold.
Am I hitting this or what?
Yes, you are.
[chuckles]
[quietly] Oh my god.
Oh my gosh.
Mom, Dad, what are you doing here?
For the pictures.
What pictures?
The ones with your fiance.
When the heck were you going to tell us?
Excuse me.
What's going on?
How did you know I was here?
A woman called us.
From the marriage magazine.
Said you'd won some contest
and that we were to come here.
And get our pictures taken.
We couldn't believe it at first.
Until we saw that picture on the Internet.
Picture?
What picture on the Internet?
Some little paper's website.
That lady told us how to find it.
But, but, why didn't you call me?
She asked us not to.
Said this was to be a big surprise.
Oh, yes, it is.
We tried calling Megan, and she's not answering her cell.
Ah.
Would you two just excuse me just for one second?
We need to talk.
Are those your parents?
The people I called Mom and Dad, yeah, they're my parents!
They're awesome. What are they doing here?
I don't know.
But supposedly you're taking their photo later.
I am?
I don't know anything about that.
[laughs] Karma, honey.
When you lie and cheat, it bites you in the butt.
How did you two meet?
You two don't...
What has Kate told you about us?
Nothing.
By the way, may I say, you are very handsome.
Are you a model?
I am.
And a fitness trainer.
I'm also a treasure hunter in Central America.
Really?
Wow.
Where in Central America?
Oh, all of it.
- Oh. - Oh.
It's a pleasure to meet you two.
It's uh...
Unfortunately, my parents couldn't be here.
They were killed during the revolution.
Oh my heavens.
My Lord, which revolution?
The latest one.
There are so many.
Well, the magazine called me earlier asking for you,
so I know that you talked to them.
I never talked to the magazine, I swear.
Okay, well, someone told my parents.
And if it wasn't you, or me, or Megs, or Paul, who...
Oh gosh, Paul.
Diving in the shipwreck, there were sharks everywhere.
Paul.
Paul, what are you doing?
Just talking with your lovely parents here.
Paul is the English translation of my real name.
Raoul has been telling us all about his adventures.
Really?
A model, a fitness trainer, and a treasure hunter?
You sure our Kate won't be a little bit too dull for you?
Thanks, dad.
Paul, can we just talk to you for a second?
Of course, darling.
We'll be right back, okay.
What do you think you're doing?
Being Raoul. You asked me to.
But not for my parents!
Why not? What does it matter?
We're breaking up soon anyway.
That reminds me, what if Raoul dies?
He's fighting the rebels.
Paul.
Okay, a simple break-up works too.
Look, I just can't lie to my parents
about getting married.
You're not, we're not.
Come on, just let me be Raoul for a little bit.
Kate, I work in a sweaty, stinky gym all day.
It sucks like dead ducks.
Just give me this little bit of a fantasy.
I agreed to give you yours, right?
Just tell your parents that you won a contest,
and then met me.
We're just figuring things out.
That's all true so far.
Come on, I'm enjoying this time.
Especially with you.
[kisses]
Hugging?
Kissing?
Please?
[Allan] Everything all right?
Yep, yep!
Yes, it's good, just one second.
So, how did you two meet?
Um...
Katherine, if I may.
We met after I'd returned
from under-the-sea treasure hunting for Cortez's gold.
Yeah, Paul, Raoul,
I don't think that my parents are really interested.
Oh, we are very interested.
So have you ever found any treasures?
I have, yes.
The most precious one.
Your daughter.
[laughs]
Now where was I?
Ah, Montezuma's gold.
Oh, great story.
[Allan] Thought it was Cortez's gold.
There is a lot of it.
I can't believe I agreed to this.
I need my head examined!
Hey, I mean, your parents seem to be quite taken
by Captain Jack Sparrow over there.
You seem to be doing quite well yourself, lass.
With Raoul, yeah.
With Paul, I have no idea.
Andy, it's driving me crazy.
He wouldn't be doing Raoul if he was serious about me.
Raoul and I are breaking up in two weeks.
Well, then maybe he just-
And you know, he's kissed me twice now.
And then he said he's enjoying this and me.
I just need to talk to someone.
Sure.
Excuse me.
Megs, pick up.
Her phone's been off for two hours,
where could she possibly go?
I don't know.
Oh, Megs, about time. Listen.
No, no, no, me first.
Dave and I are getting married!
Uh, duh, I know that.
No, I mean, like we're getting married this Sunday.
Civil ceremony, 10 o'clock, Bridgewood hall.
Sunday?
Like, in a few days from now?
Yes.
We spent all morning arranging it.
And right after that,
we're going to go on a week long honeymoon in Hawaii.
But I thought you guys couldn't afford that.
We can't.
But we've gotta do this.
Kate, the wedding stress was just tearing us apart.
And we forgot the most important thing,
just us being together.
So, for seven days, we're going to kick back, relax,
and just be happy.
But I can't talk right now.
I've gotta call Mom and Dad.
Oh, well, I can do that for you.
They're here with me and Paul.
What?
It's a long story.
I don't have time, I have to go.
Kate, hey.
Raoul was just telling us
about now he nearly escaped with his life
from a giant boulder and it was kinda like a movie.
I'm sure it was.
Listen, everybody, I have big news.
Wedding this Sunday.
Yeah, it's a little rushed,
but seven day honeymoon in Hawaii.
Honeymoon in Hawaii?
It's at 10:00 a.m., Bridgewood.
[knocking]
Mr. Hines!
It's me, Joanne McKenzie!
Remember?
The one who discovered the fake dream wedding winner?
I just need a minute of your time!
Website said you were open till five!
I'm coming, don't break my doors.
Kate knows that I'm on to her.
That I'm getting closer and closer
to discovering her little plot.
We have been through this before, lady-
Just listen!
She's getting married this Sunday, not in June.
What?
I heard it with my own two ears.
So I think she's gonna marry one of her friends,
go on a fantastic Hawaiian holiday,
and then get a quickie divorce.
You can come with me, see for yourself, ask around.
In fact, you can even ask Kate herself.
Joanne, good bye, good night, get help.
If you don't, I am going to go on TV,
I'm gonna tell the papers that this contest is a fraud
and that you knew and did nothing about it.
And then I'm going to sue you and your little magazine.
[Bob sighs]
And if I go along with you?
No lawyers, no paper, no TV.
No more you?
No me, ever.
Why would Kate want a cheapie civil ceremony
when she could have your big, beautiful wedding?
See what she says.
This Sunday?
Sunday.
[Bob] Ms. McKenzie.
You know, mate, I was the first Raoul DeCredenza.
You were?
Yeah.
Got fired though.
Girls said I was too good-looking.
Yeah, I hear that.
After today, I think Raoul's gonna disappear
into the Amazon jungle or something.
Paul, smile.
Just back up a little bit.
[laughs] Okay.
Oh, that's great, yeah.
Oh my God, he is gorgeous.
You mean your husband, of course?
Uh, yeah, of course.
Okay, how do I look?
Oh.
Oh, Katey, don't make me cry.
If my mascara runs I'm gonna look like some goth chick.
You ready?
Let's do this.
Okay.
[Joanne sighs]
[Joanne grunts]
About time!
Look.
It's a JP, not a minister.
Come on.
Yeah, see, little faker.
Even had the nerve to wear white.
Oh dear, oh dear.
- Well? - Well, what?
I see someone getting married.
I see Andy taking pictures.
Yeah, well, they're in on it.
I saw them plotting together.
That's enough.
Now I kept up my end of the bargain,
it's time for you to do the same.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
Where you going?
Home.
I came, I saw, I'm leaving.
If that's what they truly want, I'm more than happy with it.
Wait, wait, wait, wait!
You haven't talked to anybody!
Lady, you need help.
Now let go.
[Joanne scoffs]
Fine. The prize is mine and I'll prove it!
All right, sister, tell me the truth!
Who are you?
And why are you over there?
Are you bloody mad? Get out!
Bob?
Bob Hines, hi.
What are you doing here?
He's with me.
Here to expose this fraud.
This is a fake wedding.
No, actually, we are getting married.
Who is she?
[camera clicking] [Joanne groans]
Stop it, stop it, stop it!
Everybody, please.
I'm terribly sorry, but this is a tragic mistake.
Ask them.
Ask her!
Will you be quiet.
You are so insane!
Where are you going for your honeymoon?
We've going to Hawaii.
[Bob] And which hotel?
Uh, it's a youth hostel.
Well, not anymore.
You're staying in a five star hotel in a honeymoon suite.
Everything's paid for, food, drinks, all paid for.
If you want to drink champagne all day
and eat caviar all day, then by all means, you go ahead.
Oh my gosh.
Thanks, mate. Whoever you are.
And you, we're leaving right now
or I'm calling the police.
No.
They might be getting married but she's not.
Ask her!
I am so sorry about all this.
It's just not fair!
It's not fair, you're leaving.
She's not getting married in June!
Wait.
She's right.
I am?
I told you.
I told you, I knew it!
Really?
So, I get the prize, like we discussed.
Yes.
I get the dream wedding!
Yes.
You can have it.
I don't need it.
Yes!
[laughs]
Now, Myron can't say no to me.
I'm going to call him right now!
Ah, 'cause he's such a cheap turd!
Wow.
Mr. Hines, no one else knew about this,
it was all just me.
And me.
Me too.
Me three.
Uh, four.
Kate, this was all my fault.
You can take back the whole hotel thing.
It doesn't really matter where we stay.
Is it all true?
- Yes. - Yeah.
And Raoul?
Was he even real?
Well, sort of.
I'm Paul.
But I play Raoul.
Hello, Raoul.
Mom and Dad, I'm so sorry,
I'm not actually getting married.
I thought it might be too good to be true.
So this is how many now?
Oh, stop it!
Dad!
Runs in the bloody family.
Alright, everybody, Megan and I still have to get married.
And we've got a plane to catch.
So somebody lock the bloody door
and let's do this.
Yes, let's do this.
Here comes the bride, Myron!
[laughs] Pop the champagne, baby!
Well, cheers to my baby sister and her new husband.
I hope they at least got
matching bunk beds in the hostel.
Of course, they could've been at a five star luxury hotel
if I hadn't opened my big fat mouth.
Well, cheers to big fat mouths.
Andy, you didn't have to do that.
I wish you hadn't.
You say that now?
[Kate laughs]
They all look so handsome.
Well, that's because the photographer's
really, really good.
Oh.
Yeah, I could probably hook you guys up.
[laughs] You're funny.
And very sweet.
[phone ringing]
Hello?
[Paul] S'up, Kate, it's Paul.
Oh, Paul, hi!
I'm just at Andy's and we're
looking at some wedding pictures
and having some wine.
A lot of wine.
Hey, Kate, I been thinking.
I really enjoyed being Raoul and hanging out with you.
I was wondering if...
Yes?
Well, if you wanna hang out sometime.
You know, nothing heavy, keep it cool,
and see where it goes.
[Paul huffing]
Are you at the gym right now?
Yeah, low reps, little cardio.
You know, just working it.
Your gym is open at this hour?
No, no, no, no, I'm alone.
Hey, you wanna come by and work up a sweat?
You mean, work up a sweat with no commitments?
[Paul huffing]
Paul, are you standing in front of a mirror
with a spotlight on you right now?
Can you see me?
No, I can't.
Actually...
I don't want to come by and work up a sweat.
Oh.
Well, next time, maybe.
Yeah.
Later, maybe.
[Paul sighs]
[gentle music]
I overheard a little of that.
You okay?
Yeah.
I guess.
[Andy] Hi.
Hi.
I uh...
I wrote something for you.
So, I'm just gonna,
just gonna read it.
Roses are red,
[gentle music]
and violets are blue.
I thought I'd try on this bad boy jacket for you.
[Kate laughs]
I thought about striking a pose, you know,
or maybe changing my voice, shaving my beard,
but to be honest, that just all sounded weird.
Oddly enough, I had a really good time
trying to find you another guy,
but deep down inside I longed for the two week finish line,
where you would break up
because I felt like I was the next guy,
the nice guy, in line.
And I just really wanted your eyes to say hello to mine.
Now there was a time you mentioned
that nice guys were good,
but the problem was they were too shy to ask girls out
and that,
that I understood.
I thought of all these other things I could do.
But all I really want
is to just sit and talk
and maybe share another grilled cheese with you.
So, Kate, would you like to go out with me sometime?
You know what I realized?
What?
I don't really like leather jackets.
No?
You know what, me neither.
Take that off.
I tried.
It was a good try.
Thanks.
You did all that for me?
Yeah.
[kissing]
[bells chiming]
[upbeat music swells]
You're a lucky man.
Hey, you brought us together.
Now step back, you're in my light, bro.
Hi.
[gentle music]
[music swells]