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Downloaded from
YTS.MX

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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX

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[camera whirring]

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[Jon] I always suspected
my parents harbored

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some kind of
long-held secret.

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[urgent orchestral music plays]

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One hidden far behind
the lenses of the cameras

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that immortalize these images.

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One they hid away
from my two older brothers,

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myself

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and anyone else deemed
necessary to keep in the dark.

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My name is Jon Baime,
and I live in Decatur, Georgia.

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[laughs] This is terrible.

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[Jon] This is the story
of what happens,

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- when, at 54 years old...
- Come on, then.

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...I discover a secret

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my parents
are keeping from me...

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- about me.
- Okay, here we go.

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[upbeat pop tune plays]

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We're here on the beach,
Jonny and I.

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[Jon] Meet my mom, Harriette.

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Johnny,
are you too close to me?

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[Jon] No, I'm not.

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I don't want you
to be too close to me.

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[Jon] This is her in 1982.

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Are we on camera?

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- Hi, everybody!
- He stopped it!

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Here we are
in beautiful, sunny...

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[Jon] Man, she would ham it up
in front of the camera.

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Don't-- don't--
don't encourage her, Jonathan!

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[laughing]

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[Jon] These images show
that there was love

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between our parents to us...

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Jonny, get Mom in there.

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Oh, is the sound on?
Hi!

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- Absolutely sound.
- Happy Father's Day!

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- [boy] Oh, isn't that cute.
- [Jon] And us to our parents.

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Thank you very much.

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[tropical music plays]

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[Jon]
They were great providers,

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raising three Baby Boomers

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in a very privileged
environment.

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Those are my older brothers,
Eric and David, in 1965.

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And that's me.

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Around my family,
even to this day, I am Jonny.

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I am the baby.

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[David]
It was a good childhood.

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Yeah, they raised us very well.

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He was a good father,
he taught us a lot,

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I think he taught us
right from wrong, educated us,

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and--
and he really showed care,

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and love, I think so.

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[solemn guitar music plays]

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[Eric] My dad
was always there for me.

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He was on my side.

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And he made it
very clear that,

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if something ever happened,
he would be there.

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Well, in a lot of ways,
we had a charmed childhood.

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We never wanted for anything.

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And in some ways,
we kinda hit the jackpot.

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[Jon] Of the three of us,
I was the curious one.

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I would document
whatever was around me,

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using film or video cameras.

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My mom spent her time
involved with the community--

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lots of Jewish charity work--

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and served
on the local board of education

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for years.

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My dad
worked as an accountant.

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- [Jon] [indistinct]
- [laughing]

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[Jon] He adored my mother,

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worshipped the ground
she walked on.

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When she was around,
his face often lit right up.

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I'm fine. Jon--

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[Jon] The backdrop
of our charmed suburban life

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was this house
in South Orange, New Jersey.

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So much was so good,

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yet something didn't add up
in this accountant's home.

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♪ Twinkle, twinkle little star
♪

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Today, I wonder,

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what secrets
were shared within its walls

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that I was never privy to?

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What does the house know
that I don't?

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♪

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Growing up in our generation,
there was a saying,

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"Children should be seen
but not heard."

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And I think
maybe that was a way

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of parents keeping boundaries
with their kids.

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But in my house,
it was more than boundaries.

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It felt like
an impenetrable wall sometimes.

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[overlapping chatter]

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[Jon] We learned from the time
we were young children,

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"Don't ask
too many questions."

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[Eric] The atmosphere
was very, very secretive.

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I didn't sit with my parents
at the table

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- until I was 12 years old.
- I was eight.

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- We would not sit--
- We did not even sit with them.

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There was
no family discussion time.

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I think they wanted us
to be like a normal family.

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Didn't want us
to ask a lot of questions,

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and wonder this

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- and wonder that and--
- Right.

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[Jon] For example,

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visits to my mom's side
of the family in Florida

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were always shrouded
in secrecy.

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We never knew
when we were arriving or leaving

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- until the last moment.
- [guest laughing]

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A sense of secrecy
kept them happy.

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The mantra
from Mom and Dad,

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"Things like that
are none of your business."

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And there was more,

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especially
when it came to my dad.

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If a greeting card came late,
a "Happy Birthday" came late,

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uh, "Happy New Year" came late,
he felt d-- disrespected

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in-- in a way that seemed,

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um, a little bit over-the-top.

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If you saw him
in the morning,

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and you did not say hello
to him,

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or you walked into the house,

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and you did not say hello to him
first thing,

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he would go into a bad mood.

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In fact,
it could be the beginning

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of a bad mood for the day,
or even for a week.

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He would say,
"What? What's wrong?

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Don't you know
how to say hello?"

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[thunder rumbling]

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[Jon] Like the National
Weather Service

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put out bad weather warnings,

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we'd issue bad mood warnings
to each other.

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You know, I never understood
these odd expectations.

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I had no idea
what they were about.

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But, I think, unconsciously,

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I-- I didn't know
how to deal with it.

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And so I would search.

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I mean, literally search.

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That meant
rifling through drawers.

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It meant
rifling through closets,

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through boxes in the garage,
the attic, the basement.

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I-- I literally had an urge

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to go on a scavenger hunt.

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- You were a curious person.
- [laughing]

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You scurried in every place
that could be scurried.

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But I had no idea
what I was looking for.

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- You're going on camera.
- [relative] Talk.

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You're too [indistinct],
aren't you?

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Yeah, I am.

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[Jon] As I explained
during this visit

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to my grandfather in 1986,

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I'm taking my passion
for the camera

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and attempting to make
a career of it.

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- You ever watch CNN?
- C-- CNN?

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- [Jon] Yeah.
- Yes, I do.

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[Jon] Well, o-- one day,
if you're watching,

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I might be doing camera.

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'Cause I don't want it
taken too close.

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[Jon] As adults,
the three of us moved

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to different parts
of the country.

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We were far
from each other and our parents.

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There's nothing
on the salad bar, no.

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[Jon] So, when we were together
as a family,

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it was a rare event.

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My mom was glad to see us.

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[Harriette laughing]

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[Jon] But my dad,
after a short while,

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he seemed bored of us.

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[Harriette] They're
talking [indistinct].

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My wife would say,
"That's really odd,

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your dad is just bored
of this birthday party for you.

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He's not interested at all."

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And I can go back over
multiple examples of that

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in my life,

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uh, where perhaps
he seemed a little bit upset,

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strained,
not engaged as you--

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as I might expect
a parent to be.

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♪

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[Jon] In their final years,
my parents,

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like so many others,
moved to Florida.

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Eric now lives nearby them.

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But by then, that vibrance
of my mom's was robbed clean...

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along with much of her mind,
thanks to Alzheimer's.

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[solemn music plays]

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Then came the night
of February 19, 2018.

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You don't forget
a night like that.

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It's when the first cracks
appeared

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in my parents'
seemingly impenetrable wall.

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♪

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If I could take you back
to the scene of the crime,

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it would look a lot like this.

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The event?
My dad's 92nd birthday dinner.

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The table was full of people.

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My mom was deep into dementia.

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My dad was sitting
next to his friends.

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So, one of the guests
starts talking

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about how they take
adult education classes

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at the University of Miami,

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and they take DNA tests
to study Jewish heritage.

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And that's when I chime in,
and I say,

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"My dad,
his mother was adopted.

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I'd love to take a DNA test,
see what my heritage is."

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And that's where things
start to get a little weird.

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So, my dad
turns his chair to me,

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and I turn my chair to him,

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and he says to me,
demands, actually,

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"Don't take that DNA test
till I'm dead."

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And I say, "What?"

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Like, maybe he's kidding.
Maybe he's not serious.

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And he repeats himself,

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"Don't take that DNA test
until I'm dead."

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"But you're not telling me why."

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"Because I don't want you
to take it."

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At this point,
everybody at the table

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is looking at him
like he's a little cuckoo.

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He was never one
to read the room,

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especially
when he wanted to make a point.

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"Well, if you don't tell me

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why you don't want me
to take this test,

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I'm gonna take it."

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And he just looked at me
and said,

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"Fine. Piss on my wish."

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When my 92-year-old dad
tells me,

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his 53-year-old son,

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not to take a DNA test
until he's dead,

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what am I supposed to do?

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[Jon] Take one, of course!

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My thinking?

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He probably
didn't want to know

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that he might not be
100% of Jewish lineage,

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since his mom was adopted.

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♪

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A few weeks
and 99 bucks later,

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the genetic testing service
23andMe

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would set the record straight.

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[Jon] So, when you get
your DNA test results,

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you gotta do it online.

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00:10:04,521 --> 00:10:06,356
And when you go
to the results page,

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there's a pie chart.

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00:10:08,358 --> 00:10:10,944
If the pie chart is one color,
you're one ethnicity.

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00:10:11,194 --> 00:10:14,197
If your pie chart is two colors,
you're two ethnicities.

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00:10:14,448 --> 00:10:15,991
If your pie chart
is three colors,

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00:10:16,241 --> 00:10:18,827
you're three ethnicities,
and so on and so forth.

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00:10:19,411 --> 00:10:20,996
[Jon] Here's my pie chart.

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00:10:21,079 --> 00:10:22,873
And there's my answer.

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99.4% one solid color.

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00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:29,713
If I was
almost 100% Ashkenazi Jew,

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00:10:29,963 --> 00:10:33,592
my grandmother had to be
darn close to being one, too.

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00:10:33,842 --> 00:10:35,635
And that was that.

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00:10:37,054 --> 00:10:38,805
You know,
I never spoke to my dad

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00:10:38,889 --> 00:10:40,265
about the DNA test again.

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He just seemed
so bothered by it.

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"Don't take the DNA test
'til I'm dead."

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00:10:44,686 --> 00:10:47,564
I can hear him say it
in my head.

251
00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:48,982
I should have known
there was more.

252
00:10:49,900 --> 00:10:50,901
A lot more.

253
00:10:51,818 --> 00:10:54,321
[Jon] A year later,
another night I won't forget.

254
00:10:54,571 --> 00:10:57,616
Sunday, February 24th, 2019.

255
00:10:57,866 --> 00:11:00,410
I wandered back
to my 23andMe page.

256
00:11:01,286 --> 00:11:02,829
I never paid any attention

257
00:11:03,080 --> 00:11:04,373
to the "family & friends"
part of the site.

258
00:11:05,290 --> 00:11:07,501
It said I had 1,300 relatives.

259
00:11:07,584 --> 00:11:10,379
See that button that says,
"see all relatives"?

260
00:11:10,462 --> 00:11:12,297
I clicked it,
to see what would happen.

261
00:11:12,881 --> 00:11:15,217
First,
this foreboding message pops up.

262
00:11:26,478 --> 00:11:28,021
You know
what else is uncommon?

263
00:11:28,105 --> 00:11:30,982
Sitting in the emergency exit
of an airplane,

264
00:11:31,066 --> 00:11:32,734
and thinking
that you're actually

265
00:11:32,984 --> 00:11:35,362
gonna have to open the door
in case that plane goes down.

266
00:11:35,445 --> 00:11:39,199
So far, I'm betting 1.000
on extra leg room

267
00:11:39,282 --> 00:11:42,077
and zero on ever having to open
that door.

268
00:11:42,577 --> 00:11:45,539
So, playing those odds,
I confidently clicked on.

269
00:11:47,165 --> 00:11:48,250
[seatbelt sign dinging]

270
00:11:49,126 --> 00:11:51,378
[Jon] Turns out,
I'd have been better prepared

271
00:11:51,461 --> 00:11:54,548
sitting at an emergency exit
flying into a storm

272
00:11:54,631 --> 00:11:56,550
than proceeding on
with 23andMe.

273
00:11:57,384 --> 00:11:59,010
I was in for quite the ride.

274
00:11:59,761 --> 00:12:02,055
The closest relatives
pop up first.

275
00:12:02,639 --> 00:12:04,766
[Sharon] Sharon Delmonico,
half sister.

276
00:12:05,016 --> 00:12:07,561
What?

277
00:12:07,644 --> 00:12:10,188
[David N] David Neuschulz,
half brother.

278
00:12:11,314 --> 00:12:12,399
Who's that?

279
00:12:12,482 --> 00:12:13,525
[Laura] Laura Lehrhaupt,

280
00:12:13,608 --> 00:12:14,901
- half sister.
- What...

281
00:12:14,985 --> 00:12:16,236
[Mark] Mark Slatin,
half brother.

282
00:12:16,319 --> 00:12:17,779
- ...the....
- [Rose] Rose Sloat.

283
00:12:18,029 --> 00:12:19,489
- Half sister.
- ...f--

284
00:12:22,868 --> 00:12:24,870
[seatbelt sign dinging]

285
00:12:24,953 --> 00:12:27,164
[chime music plays]

286
00:12:27,247 --> 00:12:30,667
[Jon] Sunday night,
February 24th, 2019,

287
00:12:30,917 --> 00:12:33,503
is the night
the secret is no longer safe.

288
00:12:33,587 --> 00:12:35,922
The wall protecting it
is breached.

289
00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:41,261
What was I like
when you first heard from me?

290
00:12:41,344 --> 00:12:42,387
You were disconcerted.

291
00:12:42,471 --> 00:12:43,597
You were, uh,

292
00:12:43,847 --> 00:12:45,265
kind of freaking out
a little bit

293
00:12:45,348 --> 00:12:46,975
- I would say, uh...
- A little bit?

294
00:12:47,225 --> 00:12:49,478
...you were off-balance,
you were off-balance.

295
00:12:49,728 --> 00:12:52,314
First,
my reaction was disbelief.

296
00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:55,108
I thought to myself,

297
00:12:55,192 --> 00:12:58,153
"Oh, Jonny's
just playing a gag on me.

298
00:12:58,236 --> 00:12:59,488
He's just
funning with me here.

299
00:12:59,571 --> 00:13:01,156
There's no-- it's not real."

300
00:13:01,948 --> 00:13:04,242
[Jon] Was my dad having
an affair in his younger years,

301
00:13:04,326 --> 00:13:05,243
or what?

302
00:13:05,494 --> 00:13:08,538
This is just plain weird.

303
00:13:08,622 --> 00:13:11,249
[Jon] Things are about
to get a lot weirder.

304
00:13:11,333 --> 00:13:14,503
A few hours later,
on the 23andMe interface,

305
00:13:14,753 --> 00:13:18,006
I got a private message
from a Sharon Delmonico.

306
00:13:18,089 --> 00:13:20,550
She's a half sister.
I-- I have it here.

307
00:13:21,259 --> 00:13:23,637
Gonna read it to you.

308
00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:26,431
"Hi, Jon.
We have matched on 23andMe.

309
00:13:26,515 --> 00:13:28,141
[Sharon and Jon together]
Feel free to reach out to me

310
00:13:28,391 --> 00:13:31,228
if you have an interest
in exploring your DNA results."

311
00:13:40,570 --> 00:13:44,324
What does "wishing you
an enjoyable experience" mean?

312
00:13:45,075 --> 00:13:46,159
So, I wrote her back.

313
00:13:47,244 --> 00:13:49,538
And I ask her to tell me
everything she can.

314
00:13:50,872 --> 00:13:52,082
And she does.

315
00:13:52,165 --> 00:13:53,208
[Sharon] Hi, Jon.

316
00:14:40,380 --> 00:14:41,423
Jesus.

317
00:14:43,133 --> 00:14:44,384
I'm 54 years old...

318
00:14:45,468 --> 00:14:49,055
and this is how I find out
that the man who raised me

319
00:14:49,139 --> 00:14:50,682
isn't my biological father.

320
00:14:51,558 --> 00:14:54,728
And that's when the questions
start to go through my head.

321
00:14:54,811 --> 00:14:56,354
Questions
about my own identity.

322
00:14:56,438 --> 00:14:58,356
Who am I?
I thought I was one person.

323
00:14:59,566 --> 00:15:00,984
What else did my parents
not tell me?

324
00:15:01,234 --> 00:15:03,570
Then there's my dad.
Do I tell him I know?

325
00:15:03,653 --> 00:15:05,488
Or do I let him
take it to the grave?

326
00:15:05,739 --> 00:15:07,449
Who else knew about this?
Did my grandparents know?

327
00:15:07,699 --> 00:15:10,493
My aunts and uncles, my cousins?
Their friends?

328
00:15:10,577 --> 00:15:11,745
You know, that's a lot.

329
00:15:11,995 --> 00:15:13,371
And then
throw on top of that,

330
00:15:13,455 --> 00:15:16,750
somewhere out there
is my biological father.

331
00:15:16,833 --> 00:15:18,501
You know,
I take no shame in this,

332
00:15:18,752 --> 00:15:20,837
but I--
I decided to get some help.

333
00:15:21,087 --> 00:15:23,506
I called a therapist,
and when I introduced myself,

334
00:15:23,757 --> 00:15:26,426
she said to me, "Well,
I'm not taking new clients,

335
00:15:26,509 --> 00:15:27,719
but go ahead and tell me
what your--

336
00:15:27,969 --> 00:15:29,304
what your situation is."

337
00:15:29,387 --> 00:15:31,097
So, I told her,
and her response was,

338
00:15:31,348 --> 00:15:33,016
"Are you free
at 10:30 tomorrow morning?"

339
00:15:35,268 --> 00:15:36,895
[Jon] I never put much time

340
00:15:37,145 --> 00:15:39,481
into thinking about the makeup
of my family tree,

341
00:15:39,564 --> 00:15:40,774
but I sure do now.

342
00:15:41,524 --> 00:15:43,735
In a single, jarring moment,

343
00:15:43,818 --> 00:15:45,570
I realize it's been a façade.

344
00:15:46,571 --> 00:15:49,074
The real tree
grows behind a wall of secrecy.

345
00:15:49,658 --> 00:15:53,328
As it fractures, I am only able
to make out the edge

346
00:15:53,411 --> 00:15:56,289
of what could become a much,
much larger tree.

347
00:15:58,583 --> 00:16:00,794
My mind immediately goes back
to the beginning.

348
00:16:01,378 --> 00:16:03,046
My brothers and I were born

349
00:16:03,129 --> 00:16:04,881
at Mount Sinai Hospital
in New York,

350
00:16:05,131 --> 00:16:06,966
and Sharon did mention
a program there.

351
00:16:07,801 --> 00:16:09,386
Just what
kind of program was it?

352
00:16:09,469 --> 00:16:11,179
[crying]

353
00:16:11,638 --> 00:16:13,598
To learn more,
I have to find someone

354
00:16:13,848 --> 00:16:15,308
who was a part of it
at the time.

355
00:16:16,017 --> 00:16:19,062
As fate would have it,
they found me.

356
00:16:19,729 --> 00:16:22,482
- Hi, Hesh.
- Hi, how you doing?

357
00:16:22,565 --> 00:16:24,401
Good. Good.
Thanks for doing this.

358
00:16:24,943 --> 00:16:27,320
[Jon] Meet 87-year-old
Harrison Schell.

359
00:16:27,570 --> 00:16:30,448
Las Vegas resident,
avid gardener,

360
00:16:30,532 --> 00:16:32,659
and retired OB-GYN.

361
00:16:32,909 --> 00:16:35,704
As a medical student
in the early 1960s,

362
00:16:35,954 --> 00:16:38,373
he donated sperm
at Mount Sinai.

363
00:16:39,374 --> 00:16:42,127
Oh, he's also
my biological father.

364
00:16:45,422 --> 00:16:47,132
He likes to be called Hesh.

365
00:16:48,049 --> 00:16:49,718
He contacted me
just a few days

366
00:16:49,968 --> 00:16:52,053
after I first heard
from Sharon.

367
00:16:53,304 --> 00:16:55,724
[Jon] In four days,
I go from knowing nothing

368
00:16:55,974 --> 00:16:58,184
to communicating
with the biological father

369
00:16:58,435 --> 00:16:59,978
I never knew I had.

370
00:17:00,228 --> 00:17:03,314
I never expected to see
this name under "father."

371
00:17:04,441 --> 00:17:06,985
The first phone call,
it's surreal.

372
00:17:07,235 --> 00:17:09,362
I mean, here I am,
talking to somebody

373
00:17:09,612 --> 00:17:13,575
who I didn't even know existed
just a few days ago.

374
00:17:13,658 --> 00:17:15,702
That's my biological father.

375
00:17:15,952 --> 00:17:18,955
The first thing I ask him about
is his health,

376
00:17:19,205 --> 00:17:21,708
and he says he has cataracts.

377
00:17:21,958 --> 00:17:23,126
And that's it.

378
00:17:23,376 --> 00:17:24,377
He has all his teeth.

379
00:17:24,878 --> 00:17:26,588
All this bodes well for me.

380
00:17:26,838 --> 00:17:29,382
We talk later,
and I record the call,

381
00:17:29,632 --> 00:17:31,926
and I ask him more
about the program.

382
00:17:32,469 --> 00:17:36,014
When a person came to an OB-GYN
for an infertility problem,

383
00:17:36,264 --> 00:17:37,599
in those days,

384
00:17:37,682 --> 00:17:39,476
when it turned out
to be the man's problem,

385
00:17:39,559 --> 00:17:41,895
that meant they weren't having
any sperm,

386
00:17:42,145 --> 00:17:43,897
and so they needed
a sperm donor.

387
00:17:44,689 --> 00:17:46,316
Once you were
in medical school,

388
00:17:46,399 --> 00:17:48,193
that meant
a whole lot of, uh,

389
00:17:48,443 --> 00:17:50,320
things with regard
to your health,

390
00:17:50,403 --> 00:17:53,156
your bringing-up,
your education and so forth,

391
00:17:53,406 --> 00:17:56,493
and so that was
a reasonably good pool

392
00:17:56,576 --> 00:17:58,161
to draw some donors from.

393
00:17:58,411 --> 00:18:01,748
At some point,
I will go to Las Vegas

394
00:18:01,998 --> 00:18:03,041
and visit Hesh.

395
00:18:03,291 --> 00:18:05,293
It's in the cards.
It's a good bet.

396
00:18:05,960 --> 00:18:07,796
But Decatur, Georgia

397
00:18:08,046 --> 00:18:11,424
is far away
from Las Vegas, Nevada.

398
00:18:11,674 --> 00:18:13,760
While I have him
on the phone,

399
00:18:13,843 --> 00:18:15,845
I ask him one more question.

400
00:18:16,888 --> 00:18:18,473
How much were you paid
per donation?

401
00:18:19,516 --> 00:18:20,558
Five bucks.

402
00:18:21,392 --> 00:18:22,894
I think
I got my money's worth.

403
00:18:22,977 --> 00:18:25,563
- [laughing]
- I think-- [laughing]

404
00:18:25,814 --> 00:18:26,981
Five bucks.

405
00:18:27,607 --> 00:18:29,943
That's about $45 today.

406
00:18:30,193 --> 00:18:32,695
Now, my mind is thinking
about my brothers.

407
00:18:33,238 --> 00:18:35,073
Were they five-buck babies also?

408
00:18:35,782 --> 00:18:37,075
Or am I the only donor kid?

409
00:18:37,784 --> 00:18:39,661
[Jon] For that answer,
I overnight a test

410
00:18:39,911 --> 00:18:40,870
to my brother, Eric.

411
00:18:42,288 --> 00:18:44,582
When he gets his results
a few weeks later,

412
00:18:44,833 --> 00:18:47,001
he discovers a mystery match
of his own.

413
00:18:47,544 --> 00:18:51,422
So, I'm like, "Whoop-de-doo,
I got somebody also, ha-ha."

414
00:18:51,506 --> 00:18:53,466
And, unknown to me,

415
00:18:53,550 --> 00:18:54,592
this particular person

416
00:18:54,676 --> 00:18:57,679
was not going to

417
00:18:57,929 --> 00:18:59,180
respond to me.

418
00:18:59,264 --> 00:19:01,057
This person
was not going to respond.

419
00:19:01,307 --> 00:19:05,103
I-- I heard
through a mutual acquaintance,

420
00:19:05,353 --> 00:19:06,521
this person has money

421
00:19:06,771 --> 00:19:08,523
and is afraid
that I'll want the money.

422
00:19:08,773 --> 00:19:10,275
If you're out there
watching this, friend,

423
00:19:10,358 --> 00:19:11,526
please know
I would never want that,

424
00:19:11,776 --> 00:19:13,194
I just wanted
to know about you.

425
00:19:13,444 --> 00:19:15,738
[Jon] And for me, until now,

426
00:19:15,989 --> 00:19:18,658
I believe Eric and I
are full brothers biologically.

427
00:19:19,701 --> 00:19:21,286
It takes
some getting used to the idea

428
00:19:21,369 --> 00:19:23,621
that we are half brothers
genetically,

429
00:19:23,872 --> 00:19:27,083
with different
biological fathers.

430
00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:29,586
Then, there is my other brother
David.

431
00:19:29,669 --> 00:19:31,838
I always wondered
how my brown hair,

432
00:19:31,921 --> 00:19:33,548
brown-eyed parents

433
00:19:33,631 --> 00:19:35,550
could defy the genetic odds
and have a kid

434
00:19:35,633 --> 00:19:38,303
who looked like he jumped off
a can of Dutch Boy paint.

435
00:19:39,095 --> 00:19:40,680
We both love David,

436
00:19:40,763 --> 00:19:42,599
but after a lot of debating
back and forth,

437
00:19:42,849 --> 00:19:46,144
Eric and I came to a consensus
about not telling him.

438
00:19:46,227 --> 00:19:47,270
For now.

439
00:19:48,062 --> 00:19:51,065
David's got a lot of pressure
in his life.

440
00:19:51,149 --> 00:19:53,026
Um, he's got
some medical issues.

441
00:19:53,276 --> 00:19:56,029
Um,
and Eric and I are thinking,

442
00:19:56,279 --> 00:19:58,781
maybe we should just
let sleeping dogs lie.

443
00:20:00,033 --> 00:20:02,577
[Jon] We'd like to tell David
before our dad dies.

444
00:20:02,660 --> 00:20:04,203
With a little more time,

445
00:20:04,287 --> 00:20:06,080
Eric and I can process it
thoroughly.

446
00:20:06,331 --> 00:20:10,668
Then, we can better help David
understand this bombshell.

447
00:20:10,752 --> 00:20:13,546
So, we decide that, at 92,

448
00:20:13,630 --> 00:20:15,256
why talk about the DNA test

449
00:20:15,506 --> 00:20:17,508
and reopen a wound so deep,

450
00:20:17,759 --> 00:20:19,469
it could be measured
in decades?

451
00:20:22,764 --> 00:20:24,599
What my dad experienced,

452
00:20:24,682 --> 00:20:26,559
not being able to have kids,

453
00:20:26,643 --> 00:20:28,645
having to go
to a sperm donor

454
00:20:28,895 --> 00:20:31,606
and then keeping all that
bottled up for decades,

455
00:20:32,357 --> 00:20:33,942
that's kind of tragic,
in a way.

456
00:20:34,817 --> 00:20:37,195
But on the other hand,
I'm pissed,

457
00:20:37,445 --> 00:20:39,155
so I have to figure out

458
00:20:39,405 --> 00:20:41,699
how to balance my anger

459
00:20:41,950 --> 00:20:43,242
with his tragedy.

460
00:20:43,868 --> 00:20:46,663
And I think I find a way.

461
00:20:46,746 --> 00:20:48,331
[Jon]
Someone jokingly suggests

462
00:20:48,414 --> 00:20:50,959
I should put an asterisk
after my last name,

463
00:20:51,042 --> 00:20:52,418
kind of like
the baseball players

464
00:20:52,502 --> 00:20:53,711
who were using steroids.

465
00:20:53,962 --> 00:20:55,797
Instead of doing that,

466
00:20:55,880 --> 00:20:59,008
Eric and I start to refer to
Dad simply as our "Our Asterisk,"

467
00:20:59,092 --> 00:21:01,678
- or "The Asterisk."
- [phone ringing]

468
00:21:01,928 --> 00:21:05,223
When he calls, this asterisk
shows up on my phone screen.

469
00:21:05,932 --> 00:21:07,350
But when he calls in a mood

470
00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:09,143
and leaves voice mails
like this...

471
00:21:09,227 --> 00:21:10,687
[Richard]

472
00:21:16,359 --> 00:21:19,862
...then, he transforms
into a pain in the asterisk.

473
00:21:20,405 --> 00:21:23,116
Of course, he doesn't know
I call him asterisk.

474
00:21:23,366 --> 00:21:24,826
Is it nice? No.

475
00:21:25,493 --> 00:21:28,204
But it's a way for me
to let off steam.

476
00:21:28,287 --> 00:21:31,541
It's part
of my process of processing.

477
00:21:33,126 --> 00:21:35,586
[gentle guitar music plays]

478
00:21:35,837 --> 00:21:37,547
[Jon] A month or so
after the discovery,

479
00:21:37,797 --> 00:21:39,799
I schedule my first visit
to Florida.

480
00:21:39,882 --> 00:21:41,801
My mom is wheelchair-bound.

481
00:21:41,884 --> 00:21:43,761
It's tough
to get her out of the apartment,

482
00:21:44,012 --> 00:21:47,682
but my dad
likes to get out when he can.

483
00:21:47,765 --> 00:21:49,892
[Jon] It's the first night
of my visit,

484
00:21:49,976 --> 00:21:52,937
and I go to dinner with him,
alone.

485
00:21:53,021 --> 00:21:56,315
And as I look at him
fiddling with his phone,

486
00:21:56,399 --> 00:21:57,859
I think to myself,

487
00:21:58,109 --> 00:22:00,069
"Who does this guy
think he is,

488
00:22:00,153 --> 00:22:01,738
keeping something like that
from me?"

489
00:22:01,988 --> 00:22:03,948
And I almost
start to think,

490
00:22:04,032 --> 00:22:05,783
"Maybe
I should change my mind,

491
00:22:06,034 --> 00:22:07,744
maybe
I should say something to him."

492
00:22:08,327 --> 00:22:09,412
But I stop.

493
00:22:10,246 --> 00:22:12,040
Because I have another idea.

494
00:22:13,583 --> 00:22:16,044
[Jon] The next day,
he leaves to play bridge,

495
00:22:16,294 --> 00:22:18,588
leaving me with my mom, alone.

496
00:22:18,671 --> 00:22:19,881
[Harriette] ...but I forgot.

497
00:22:20,131 --> 00:22:21,758
[Jon]
Thanks to the Alzheimer's,

498
00:22:22,008 --> 00:22:24,594
she has a short-term memory
of roughly 30 seconds.

499
00:22:24,844 --> 00:22:27,346
Most conversations
sound like this.

500
00:22:27,805 --> 00:22:31,809
[Harriett]

501
00:22:36,230 --> 00:22:37,857
[Jon] My plan?

502
00:22:37,940 --> 00:22:39,734
To ask her about this,

503
00:22:39,817 --> 00:22:42,278
knowing that she'd never be
able to recall the conversation

504
00:22:42,361 --> 00:22:43,404
to my dad.

505
00:22:43,488 --> 00:22:44,781
[Jon] She knows I found out.

506
00:22:44,864 --> 00:22:45,948
[Harriette]
Dr. Eagle, Dr. Eagle.

507
00:22:46,199 --> 00:22:47,533
[Jon]
This is gonna be tough,

508
00:22:47,784 --> 00:22:49,619
but after about 15 minutes
of asking

509
00:22:49,869 --> 00:22:51,412
over and over again,

510
00:22:51,496 --> 00:22:54,082
I think
I finally get somewhere.

511
00:22:54,165 --> 00:22:57,168
[Jon]

512
00:22:57,418 --> 00:22:59,545
- [Harriette]
- [Jon]

513
00:22:59,629 --> 00:23:00,671
[Harriette]

514
00:23:00,922 --> 00:23:02,757
[Jon]

515
00:23:03,007 --> 00:23:04,133
[Harriette]

516
00:23:04,217 --> 00:23:05,343
[Jon] Oh,
it very much is my business!

517
00:23:05,426 --> 00:23:06,552
It's my DNA!

518
00:23:06,636 --> 00:23:08,221
None of my business,
she says.

519
00:23:08,471 --> 00:23:11,766
I'm getting angrier and angrier.

520
00:23:12,600 --> 00:23:14,268
I'm feeling isolated.

521
00:23:14,936 --> 00:23:17,105
Who else has even been through
something like this?

522
00:23:18,439 --> 00:23:19,857
And now I'm remembering.

523
00:23:20,399 --> 00:23:21,818
It was right in front of me,

524
00:23:21,901 --> 00:23:23,528
the night that the names
all came up

525
00:23:23,611 --> 00:23:24,779
on the computer screen.

526
00:23:25,029 --> 00:23:26,280
My donor siblings.

527
00:23:26,781 --> 00:23:28,825
My sisters and brothers
from other mothers.

528
00:23:33,079 --> 00:23:34,872
[Jon] By Summer 2019,

529
00:23:35,123 --> 00:23:37,667
I figure if I'm gonna get
the Father's Day card on time,

530
00:23:37,917 --> 00:23:39,669
I may as well have fun
doing it.

531
00:23:39,752 --> 00:23:42,672
It's the true definition
of pushing the envelope

532
00:23:42,755 --> 00:23:44,006
on the asterisk thing.

533
00:23:46,843 --> 00:23:50,304
We're in New Jersey,
with my now 93-year-old dad,

534
00:23:50,388 --> 00:23:52,598
helping pack up
my parents' summer apartment.

535
00:23:53,432 --> 00:23:55,268
They finally aged out
of snowbirding

536
00:23:55,518 --> 00:23:56,936
back and forth to Florida.

537
00:23:57,937 --> 00:24:00,064
Eric still has no new matches,

538
00:24:00,148 --> 00:24:01,524
and the donor brother
he knows about

539
00:24:01,774 --> 00:24:03,109
remains silent.

540
00:24:03,359 --> 00:24:05,027
David remains in the dark.

541
00:24:05,653 --> 00:24:07,572
We're holding
on to this secret

542
00:24:07,655 --> 00:24:10,616
about as tightly as I hold on
to this silver candelabra.

543
00:24:10,867 --> 00:24:12,243
Like the secret,

544
00:24:12,326 --> 00:24:13,786
I'll eventually
let him have it.

545
00:24:14,328 --> 00:24:16,080
- But not yet!
- [door creaking shut]

546
00:24:17,623 --> 00:24:21,085
Everybody heads home.
Except for me.

547
00:24:21,169 --> 00:24:25,256
That urge to search
kicks back in.

548
00:24:25,339 --> 00:24:27,717
Now that my parents' place
is packed up,

549
00:24:27,967 --> 00:24:31,095
it's time for me
to unpack my genetic history.

550
00:24:31,804 --> 00:24:34,682
[Jon] It's July 6th, 2019,

551
00:24:34,932 --> 00:24:36,434
and I'm meeting up
with the donor sibs

552
00:24:36,517 --> 00:24:38,352
- for the first time.
- [woman] That's crazy!

553
00:24:38,436 --> 00:24:40,563
As we've lea-- as we all know.
He's a very fertile man.

554
00:24:41,147 --> 00:24:43,691
[Jon] Here I am,
at a family gathering

555
00:24:43,941 --> 00:24:46,027
I'd never imagined
just four months ago.

556
00:24:47,445 --> 00:24:50,531
He's-- we're-- there's clapping,
there's clapping.

557
00:24:50,781 --> 00:24:53,242
[Jon] Even Hesh
skypes in for a quick hello.

558
00:24:53,993 --> 00:24:55,703
[Hesh] I'm doing very well,
it's good to see you.

559
00:24:55,953 --> 00:24:57,580
- [woman] Here's my brother.
- [woman] Good to see you, um...

560
00:24:57,830 --> 00:25:00,625
[Jon] And his son from marriage,
Larry, joins us, too.

561
00:25:00,875 --> 00:25:02,168
- [Jon] Look, there's more.
- [woman] Hey, Hesh!

562
00:25:02,251 --> 00:25:03,419
Hey.

563
00:25:03,669 --> 00:25:05,171
The first night
that we meet,

564
00:25:05,254 --> 00:25:07,340
I'm checking 'em out.

565
00:25:07,423 --> 00:25:08,716
Do they have the same eyes?

566
00:25:08,966 --> 00:25:10,343
Do they have the same smile?

567
00:25:10,426 --> 00:25:11,844
Do they have
the same actions that I do?

568
00:25:12,428 --> 00:25:14,347
And-- and they're doing
the same to me.

569
00:25:14,430 --> 00:25:16,557
It's like
we're at the intersection

570
00:25:16,807 --> 00:25:19,644
of the familiar
and the unfamiliar.

571
00:25:19,727 --> 00:25:22,355
[Jon] I'm meeting people
who share a part of me

572
00:25:22,438 --> 00:25:24,190
I spent most of my life
in the dark about.

573
00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:25,858
But it's real! [laughs]

574
00:25:26,108 --> 00:25:27,443
Admit it's not a dream,

575
00:25:27,526 --> 00:25:29,153
- it's real.
- [man on phone] Okay.

576
00:25:29,237 --> 00:25:31,113
[Jon] It's a family story
that can only be written

577
00:25:31,364 --> 00:25:32,657
in the 21st century.

578
00:25:33,366 --> 00:25:36,077
Both a real head-scratcher
and page-turner.

579
00:25:36,953 --> 00:25:39,288
In my mind's eye,
the introductory chapter

580
00:25:39,538 --> 00:25:41,082
of this book in my head

581
00:25:41,332 --> 00:25:43,584
might read as testimonials
from my donor sibs,

582
00:25:43,668 --> 00:25:44,585
as I call them,

583
00:25:44,835 --> 00:25:46,504
revealing their shock

584
00:25:46,587 --> 00:25:48,422
when they found out
they were donor-conceived.

585
00:25:48,965 --> 00:25:52,009
[donor brother] Everything
that I knew about my identity,

586
00:25:52,093 --> 00:25:55,388
my dad not actually being
my bio dad,

587
00:25:55,471 --> 00:25:57,265
was turned upside down.

588
00:25:58,766 --> 00:26:00,393
[donor sister]
I don't know what-- what am I?

589
00:26:00,643 --> 00:26:02,478
Who-- what's the other half?

590
00:26:02,561 --> 00:26:05,064
Why such a secret?
What was the whole thing about?

591
00:26:05,147 --> 00:26:08,109
Like, that's kind of deceptive.

592
00:26:09,735 --> 00:26:12,822
[donor sister] [sighs] It--
it's just reality shattering.

593
00:26:13,072 --> 00:26:14,824
It's like your reality
that you grew up with

594
00:26:15,074 --> 00:26:17,868
is not really the reality
that really is.

595
00:26:20,121 --> 00:26:21,539
[Jon] Hearing their words

596
00:26:21,622 --> 00:26:23,582
compels me to embark
on an excursion

597
00:26:23,666 --> 00:26:25,710
unlike any
I could have imagined.

598
00:26:26,419 --> 00:26:28,671
I will talk to them,
one-on-one.

599
00:26:29,213 --> 00:26:32,300
All live far
from my Decatur, Georgia, home.

600
00:26:32,800 --> 00:26:35,678
Were their asterisks
like my asterisk?

601
00:26:35,761 --> 00:26:36,846
What about their moms?

602
00:26:37,471 --> 00:26:39,181
What could I learn from them?

603
00:26:39,265 --> 00:26:42,643
Time to get to know
my biological family tree

604
00:26:42,893 --> 00:26:43,894
for real.

605
00:26:45,938 --> 00:26:50,526
[funk music plays]

606
00:26:50,609 --> 00:26:53,904
When Sharon Delmonico
isn't working as a school nurse,

607
00:26:54,155 --> 00:26:56,115
you might find
this donor sister of mine

608
00:26:56,198 --> 00:26:58,117
at her home
in western New Jersey.

609
00:26:58,200 --> 00:26:59,952
She's the one
who reached out to me

610
00:27:00,202 --> 00:27:01,412
on the 23andMe portal.

611
00:27:01,495 --> 00:27:03,080
Remember?

612
00:27:03,164 --> 00:27:05,333
She wished me
"an enjoyable experience."

613
00:27:05,583 --> 00:27:08,210
- Sister.
- Brother, welcome to Jersey.

614
00:27:08,294 --> 00:27:09,837
[Jon] Thank you.

615
00:27:10,087 --> 00:27:11,464
[Jon] What did Sharon's
parents' wall look like?

616
00:27:11,547 --> 00:27:13,257
- [Jon] How you doin'?
- Good, good, good.

617
00:27:13,341 --> 00:27:14,675
[Jon] How did she find out
she was donor-conceived?

618
00:27:14,925 --> 00:27:16,302
I'm here to talk about it!

619
00:27:16,385 --> 00:27:18,346
You're here
to talk about everything.

620
00:27:18,596 --> 00:27:20,014
[Jon]
Sharon has an older sister.

621
00:27:20,556 --> 00:27:22,266
Both of them
are donor-conceived.

622
00:27:22,808 --> 00:27:24,560
And despite her parents
being told

623
00:27:24,643 --> 00:27:26,187
they could never have children,

624
00:27:26,437 --> 00:27:27,855
after the two girls,

625
00:27:28,105 --> 00:27:29,899
they managed to have a boy
of their own.

626
00:27:30,149 --> 00:27:33,527
A brother, who, Sharon says,
was treated differently.

627
00:27:34,111 --> 00:27:37,198
Maybe they felt
he was both of theirs,

628
00:27:37,281 --> 00:27:40,076
and maybe we weren't, and...

629
00:27:40,159 --> 00:27:41,577
that he was more special.

630
00:27:41,660 --> 00:27:43,788
I think he was more special
because of that.

631
00:27:43,871 --> 00:27:46,248
I certainly think he felt
like he was more special.

632
00:27:47,249 --> 00:27:50,294
[Jon] Sharon's story differs
from mine in one big way.

633
00:27:50,878 --> 00:27:52,797
Her mom fessed up
about the secret.

634
00:27:53,547 --> 00:27:55,174
When Sharon was 30,

635
00:27:55,257 --> 00:27:57,301
one of her children
was born prematurely.

636
00:27:57,551 --> 00:27:59,637
So, her OB-GYN

637
00:27:59,887 --> 00:28:02,390
asked about
her family medical history.

638
00:28:02,473 --> 00:28:04,600
That's when Sharon's mother
told her

639
00:28:04,683 --> 00:28:06,602
she was donor-conceived.

640
00:28:06,685 --> 00:28:08,437
So, my mother called me
on the phone,

641
00:28:08,521 --> 00:28:10,564
and I had my two boys
in the bathtub,

642
00:28:10,648 --> 00:28:14,318
and she starts telling me
this story, very briefly,

643
00:28:14,402 --> 00:28:15,861
just to tell me,
like, it was, like,

644
00:28:16,112 --> 00:28:17,321
gonna rain tomorrow.

645
00:28:17,405 --> 00:28:18,906
It was just that casual,
and I said,

646
00:28:19,156 --> 00:28:20,783
"What are you-- what?
What are you saying to me?"

647
00:28:21,033 --> 00:28:22,576
What exactly did she say?

648
00:28:22,660 --> 00:28:23,869
She said,
"Your father's not your father,

649
00:28:24,120 --> 00:28:25,788
I-- I had some trouble
getting pregnant.

650
00:28:26,038 --> 00:28:27,581
When the doctor,
you know, gave me--"

651
00:28:27,665 --> 00:28:29,667
I think she might have said
artificial insemination.

652
00:28:29,917 --> 00:28:31,877
And--
or she might have whispered it.

653
00:28:31,961 --> 00:28:34,171
And then she said, uh,

654
00:28:34,422 --> 00:28:35,589
"And that's it.
And that's it.

655
00:28:35,840 --> 00:28:36,757
And you're not supposed
to tell anybody,

656
00:28:37,007 --> 00:28:38,217
and you weren't supposed
to know,

657
00:28:38,300 --> 00:28:39,802
and don't ask me
any more questions."

658
00:28:40,052 --> 00:28:42,680
And I said, "Okay!

659
00:28:42,763 --> 00:28:45,015
Okay, bye!" [laughs]

660
00:28:45,099 --> 00:28:46,642
You're not supposed to know,

661
00:28:46,892 --> 00:28:48,060
- don't ask me any more questi--
- No more questions.

662
00:28:48,310 --> 00:28:49,812
The conversation
was over at that point.

663
00:28:49,895 --> 00:28:51,605
Right. I was-- definitely
didn't understand

664
00:28:51,856 --> 00:28:53,232
what she was saying
in the beginning.

665
00:28:53,315 --> 00:28:55,985
- Yeah.
- And then I understood.

666
00:28:56,068 --> 00:28:58,279
And then I was like,
"Well, that's a relief."

667
00:28:58,529 --> 00:29:00,823
Your dad was--
what was the word, distant.

668
00:29:01,073 --> 00:29:03,909
He was distant,
and I literally was like...

669
00:29:04,910 --> 00:29:06,495
"Oh, good."

670
00:29:06,579 --> 00:29:08,706
I always felt like
there was definitely something

671
00:29:08,956 --> 00:29:10,499
where there was inside jokes.

672
00:29:11,041 --> 00:29:13,711
[Jon] He'd sometimes mock her
for looking different.

673
00:29:13,961 --> 00:29:15,296
[Sharon]
My skin is a little darker.

674
00:29:15,796 --> 00:29:18,716
It was my eighth birthday,
and we went to Tijuana, Mexico.

675
00:29:19,258 --> 00:29:20,384
And I was very tan.

676
00:29:21,051 --> 00:29:23,220
And when we were walking
back over the border,

677
00:29:23,471 --> 00:29:25,264
um, my father thought
it was funny,

678
00:29:25,347 --> 00:29:28,225
and told the guards at the gate
to hold me back.

679
00:29:29,018 --> 00:29:31,812
As the whole family
walked beyond,

680
00:29:31,896 --> 00:29:33,814
I was behind the gate,

681
00:29:33,898 --> 00:29:35,316
and he thought it was funny,

682
00:29:35,399 --> 00:29:36,692
and he said
it was because I looked Mexican.

683
00:29:36,942 --> 00:29:38,569
And he just got
such a kick out of that,

684
00:29:38,819 --> 00:29:41,197
because he said, you know,
of course you're the--

685
00:29:41,280 --> 00:29:43,407
you're like Mexican,
that's why you were kept there.

686
00:29:43,491 --> 00:29:45,826
I was horrified. Scared.

687
00:29:45,910 --> 00:29:46,911
Very scared.

688
00:29:48,454 --> 00:29:50,122
[Jon] Her family
is working hard

689
00:29:50,206 --> 00:29:52,666
to bring Sharon's
enjoyable experience wish

690
00:29:52,917 --> 00:29:53,876
to fruition,

691
00:29:54,126 --> 00:29:55,920
as lunch is about to be served.

692
00:29:56,003 --> 00:29:57,379
I have cousins on Facebook

693
00:29:57,630 --> 00:29:58,756
that think they're my cousins,
biologically.

694
00:29:58,839 --> 00:29:59,882
[Jon] Oh,
you haven't told them?

695
00:30:00,132 --> 00:30:01,634
- No.
- [Jon] Yeah.

696
00:30:01,884 --> 00:30:03,344
It's-- it's not Cousin Sharon,
it's "cousin" Sharon.

697
00:30:03,427 --> 00:30:04,386
Right. You know?

698
00:30:04,637 --> 00:30:06,305
[Jon] Sharon's husband Jerry

699
00:30:06,388 --> 00:30:08,682
reflects on Sharon's
relationship with her dad.

700
00:30:08,933 --> 00:30:12,353
I swear, their relationship,
to me, was always some question,

701
00:30:12,436 --> 00:30:14,522
and I didn't know
what the answer was,

702
00:30:14,772 --> 00:30:16,607
and that sort of helped,
in a way to...

703
00:30:16,857 --> 00:30:18,526
- [Jon] See?
- ...understand it.

704
00:30:18,609 --> 00:30:19,944
- [Sharon] It helped.
- [Jon] Sharon's family believes

705
00:30:20,027 --> 00:30:21,403
this is their story, too.

706
00:30:21,654 --> 00:30:23,948
She really-- she talks
about everyone as, like,

707
00:30:24,031 --> 00:30:25,366
"My half sister Laura,
my half--"

708
00:30:25,449 --> 00:30:26,784
and I say,
"That's my half aunt."

709
00:30:27,034 --> 00:30:29,203
Like, you know,
it's exciting for me, too.

710
00:30:29,286 --> 00:30:30,663
- Yeah? Am I your half uncle?
- [Taylor] Yeah.

711
00:30:30,913 --> 00:30:32,873
Thank you for welcoming me
to the family.

712
00:30:32,957 --> 00:30:35,459
- Oh. It's been great.
- Welcome, welcome.

713
00:30:35,709 --> 00:30:38,212
[rock music plays]

714
00:30:38,295 --> 00:30:41,006
Welcome
to Rock Your Retirement!

715
00:30:41,257 --> 00:30:42,550
This is so exciting.

716
00:30:42,800 --> 00:30:44,718
My name is Laura Lehrhaupt,
and I am doing...

717
00:30:44,969 --> 00:30:46,470
[Jon] You might find
Laura Lehrhaupt

718
00:30:46,554 --> 00:30:48,472
gracing the airwaves
with her husband,

719
00:30:48,556 --> 00:30:50,975
offering up valuable
financial advice.

720
00:30:51,725 --> 00:30:53,519
But I discovered
this donor sister of mine

721
00:30:53,769 --> 00:30:54,895
on 23andMe.

722
00:30:56,230 --> 00:30:57,523
Laura is a middle child.

723
00:30:57,773 --> 00:30:59,817
She has an older sister
who was adopted

724
00:31:00,067 --> 00:31:02,736
and a younger brother
who was donor-conceived.

725
00:31:02,987 --> 00:31:06,031
I meet up with her
on St. Simon's Island, Georgia.

726
00:31:06,282 --> 00:31:07,783
[Laura]
Wow, it's-- so beautiful,

727
00:31:07,866 --> 00:31:09,285
I've never been here.

728
00:31:09,368 --> 00:31:10,411
- It's really beautiful.
- Your mom lives here.

729
00:31:10,494 --> 00:31:11,704
You never come here?

730
00:31:11,954 --> 00:31:13,581
No, I've never been here.
I know, right?

731
00:31:13,664 --> 00:31:15,040
- It's crazy.
- [Jon] That is...

732
00:31:15,124 --> 00:31:16,625
[Jon] I ask her
about her dad.

733
00:31:17,585 --> 00:31:19,795
I did have a father
who was an angry guy,

734
00:31:20,045 --> 00:31:22,339
and that made it
a little difficult, uh,

735
00:31:22,423 --> 00:31:24,008
- to be a carefree kind of kid.
- Mm-hmm.

736
00:31:24,091 --> 00:31:25,509
'Cause he was very, uh,

737
00:31:25,759 --> 00:31:28,554
easily irritated
is a good word.

738
00:31:28,637 --> 00:31:30,472
And he definitely
seemed angry with me

739
00:31:30,723 --> 00:31:32,308
all the time,
no matter what I did.

740
00:31:33,517 --> 00:31:35,144
[Jon] When Laura was 32,

741
00:31:35,227 --> 00:31:38,314
her mom also told her
she was donor-conceived.

742
00:31:38,856 --> 00:31:40,858
So, we were at our kid's
birthday party,

743
00:31:41,108 --> 00:31:42,610
we had a room
full of kids,

744
00:31:42,693 --> 00:31:44,278
Laura's mother
wanted to go up to the bedroom,

745
00:31:44,361 --> 00:31:46,614
- talk to Laura.
- And she seemed very nervous.

746
00:31:46,864 --> 00:31:48,198
And we went up
to the second floor,

747
00:31:48,282 --> 00:31:49,575
my bedroom,

748
00:31:49,658 --> 00:31:51,201
and she was pacing
back and forth,

749
00:31:51,285 --> 00:31:52,870
and she was like,
"I have to tell you something,"

750
00:31:53,120 --> 00:31:54,622
and I thought she was gonna
tell me that she had, like,

751
00:31:54,872 --> 00:31:57,249
some horrible disease
or something terrible was--

752
00:31:57,499 --> 00:31:59,168
and I was like,
"What's going on, are you sick?

753
00:31:59,251 --> 00:32:00,836
Do you have to tell me,
you know, some terrible news?"

754
00:32:01,086 --> 00:32:02,796
And she was like, "No,"
and then she just turned to me

755
00:32:03,047 --> 00:32:05,007
and, like, blurted out,
"Your father's not your father,"

756
00:32:05,257 --> 00:32:06,467
and I was like, "Huh?"

757
00:32:06,967 --> 00:32:08,427
And she was like,
"He's ju-- he's just not.

758
00:32:08,510 --> 00:32:09,762
Arnie's not your dad."

759
00:32:09,845 --> 00:32:10,929
And I was like,
"What does that mean?

760
00:32:11,013 --> 00:32:12,264
What do you mean?

761
00:32:12,514 --> 00:32:14,600
Did you sleep around
with a lot of men?

762
00:32:14,683 --> 00:32:16,435
Like, what's going on?"

763
00:32:17,144 --> 00:32:20,939
And then she said,
"I went to a doctor,

764
00:32:21,023 --> 00:32:23,442
and you're a-- a donor baby,

765
00:32:23,525 --> 00:32:25,069
I don't know
whose daughter you ar--

766
00:32:25,152 --> 00:32:27,946
you know, whose biological
father is yours,

767
00:32:28,030 --> 00:32:29,615
I don't know,
I just don't know."

768
00:32:29,865 --> 00:32:31,909
And I have this image
of Laura comin' down the steps,

769
00:32:32,159 --> 00:32:33,702
white as a ghost.

770
00:32:33,786 --> 00:32:36,288
And then she told me
what she had just found out.

771
00:32:36,538 --> 00:32:37,790
And she actually
told my brother

772
00:32:37,873 --> 00:32:41,085
that my father said
he would kill her

773
00:32:41,168 --> 00:32:44,004
if she ever told anybody--
like, legitimately kill her.

774
00:32:44,088 --> 00:32:46,465
So, my mother was so scared
to tell anybody.

775
00:32:46,548 --> 00:32:47,883
So, this was
not a figurative threat,

776
00:32:48,133 --> 00:32:48,967
as far as you can tell.

777
00:32:49,218 --> 00:32:50,552
Well, she didn't feel
that it was.

778
00:32:50,636 --> 00:32:52,680
I mean, I don't think my father
would have ever done that,

779
00:32:52,763 --> 00:32:54,139
but I don't know, you know?

780
00:32:54,765 --> 00:32:57,017
[Jon] Laura's mother
held on to the closest thing

781
00:32:57,101 --> 00:32:59,353
to written proof
of the insemination.

782
00:32:59,436 --> 00:33:01,271
She paid for it
with this check.

783
00:33:01,897 --> 00:33:02,981
[Laura] On some levels,

784
00:33:03,065 --> 00:33:04,566
I wish I could have spoken
to my dad about it,

785
00:33:04,817 --> 00:33:06,527
but I couldn't have spoken
to my dad about it, but I wish.

786
00:33:06,985 --> 00:33:09,488
Yeah, he never spoke about it
to anybody, obviously.

787
00:33:10,406 --> 00:33:12,074
[Jon]
Despite his pattern of anger,

788
00:33:12,324 --> 00:33:13,992
Laura loved her dad.

789
00:33:14,076 --> 00:33:15,911
She struggled
with not telling him

790
00:33:15,994 --> 00:33:19,581
she knew
she was donor-conceived.

791
00:33:19,665 --> 00:33:22,918
Even on his deathbed,
he was being verbally abusive.

792
00:33:23,669 --> 00:33:25,587
Still, she was determined

793
00:33:25,671 --> 00:33:28,006
to let him take his secret
to the grave.

794
00:33:29,091 --> 00:33:30,968
He was in the hospital,
it wasn't looking good.

795
00:33:31,218 --> 00:33:32,886
And he was just
really short with me

796
00:33:32,970 --> 00:33:36,181
and short temper
and barking at me.

797
00:33:36,265 --> 00:33:39,893
Barking orders
and just being really abrasive.

798
00:33:39,977 --> 00:33:42,855
And I remember thinking,

799
00:33:43,105 --> 00:33:46,316
that at that moment, I kinda
wanted to say something, like,

800
00:33:46,567 --> 00:33:48,736
"I'm not even
your biological child,

801
00:33:48,986 --> 00:33:51,697
and I don't even have to be here
right now, and I'm leaving."

802
00:33:51,947 --> 00:33:54,408
Like, that was like-- [grunts]
I was really close.

803
00:33:54,658 --> 00:33:56,827
Looking back, right decision
or wrong decision?

804
00:33:57,077 --> 00:33:58,370
Oh, yeah, right decision.

805
00:33:58,454 --> 00:33:59,621
I-- it would have been
just to hurt--

806
00:33:59,872 --> 00:34:01,457
I'm not a hurtful person,

807
00:34:01,540 --> 00:34:03,375
so that would have been just,
like, purely hurtful

808
00:34:03,459 --> 00:34:05,836
and not nice,
and now that I look back

809
00:34:06,086 --> 00:34:07,421
and he was dying,
I'm really glad

810
00:34:07,504 --> 00:34:10,007
I didn't do that to him.

811
00:34:10,090 --> 00:34:12,342
And I think he had
a really hard time

812
00:34:12,426 --> 00:34:14,470
accepting the fact that
he couldn't have his own kids.

813
00:34:15,345 --> 00:34:17,306
And he struggled with it
internally by himself.

814
00:34:17,389 --> 00:34:19,600
You know, back in his day,
you didn't talk about that.

815
00:34:19,683 --> 00:34:21,477
And I do know
that he loved me,

816
00:34:21,560 --> 00:34:22,936
but I think
he had a trouble with it.

817
00:34:23,020 --> 00:34:24,396
I think
he definitely had trouble.

818
00:34:25,063 --> 00:34:27,816
[gentle guitar music plays]

819
00:34:28,066 --> 00:34:31,236
[Amanda] And I said to him
that I'd met her birth mother,

820
00:34:31,320 --> 00:34:33,530
because she was adopted,
and I'll never forget the day

821
00:34:33,781 --> 00:34:37,075
where you got this email back
from a DNA sister.

822
00:34:37,159 --> 00:34:39,703
[Mark] That was a shock.
Uh, total shock.

823
00:34:39,953 --> 00:34:41,830
[Jon] As he strolls along
the sands

824
00:34:42,080 --> 00:34:44,875
of Delray Beach, Florida,
with his wife, Amanda,

825
00:34:45,125 --> 00:34:47,544
Mark Slatin
reflects on his own DNA story.

826
00:34:48,504 --> 00:34:52,007
Turns out that I play a part
in Mark's DNA story, too.

827
00:34:52,508 --> 00:34:53,592
We are donor brothers.

828
00:34:54,593 --> 00:34:56,220
Mark grew up on Long Island.

829
00:34:56,303 --> 00:34:59,139
His dad was in sales,
and made a great living.

830
00:35:00,224 --> 00:35:03,811
But sometimes, Jerry Slatin,
successful salesman,

831
00:35:04,061 --> 00:35:06,772
transformed into Jerry Sands,
the entertainer.

832
00:35:07,314 --> 00:35:08,816
Straight out of the Catskills.

833
00:35:09,066 --> 00:35:09,942
Mr. Jerry Sands!

834
00:35:10,192 --> 00:35:11,819
[audience applauding]

835
00:35:12,069 --> 00:35:14,988
He was a singer, he--
but he also told jokes,

836
00:35:15,072 --> 00:35:16,573
and he had a schtick.

837
00:35:16,824 --> 00:35:18,659
But I do not come from England,
I come from Wales.

838
00:35:19,326 --> 00:35:21,453
I didn't come from noble
people, I came from Wales.

839
00:35:21,703 --> 00:35:23,539
[Mark] Well,
he always kind of wanted to be

840
00:35:23,789 --> 00:35:26,375
in front of the camera,
in the center of the stage.

841
00:35:26,458 --> 00:35:27,751
[audience laughs]

842
00:35:27,835 --> 00:35:30,587
He met people like Soupy Sales.

843
00:35:30,838 --> 00:35:32,381
He would love
when people say,

844
00:35:32,464 --> 00:35:34,967
"You look just like
Jackie Mason, the comedian."

845
00:35:35,217 --> 00:35:37,886
And he would dress up,
in all these crazy outfits,

846
00:35:37,970 --> 00:35:40,848
because he loved
to entertain.

847
00:35:41,098 --> 00:35:44,017
[audience cheering]

848
00:35:44,852 --> 00:35:46,645
[Jon] Mark,
who was raised Jewish,

849
00:35:46,895 --> 00:35:49,314
says his dad
had a serious side.

850
00:35:49,565 --> 00:35:51,275
He was a man of conviction.

851
00:35:51,358 --> 00:35:52,484
[gentle guitar music plays]

852
00:35:52,734 --> 00:35:53,777
[Mark]
And he would go to Israel.

853
00:35:53,861 --> 00:35:55,779
He was a self-proclaimed
Zionist.

854
00:35:56,029 --> 00:35:59,157
We-- we went a few times,
probably earlier years,

855
00:35:59,241 --> 00:36:02,244
but he would go,
after he retired, each year,

856
00:36:02,327 --> 00:36:04,580
and serve as a volunteer
in the Israeli army.

857
00:36:06,290 --> 00:36:07,749
[Jon] Mark had no idea

858
00:36:08,000 --> 00:36:09,710
his parents were hiding
a secret about him.

859
00:36:09,960 --> 00:36:11,753
That changed at 19,

860
00:36:12,004 --> 00:36:15,424
when Mark found out his dad
was not his biological father.

861
00:36:15,924 --> 00:36:18,594
It wasn't a DNA test
that tipped him off, either.

862
00:36:18,677 --> 00:36:19,761
It was his mother.

863
00:36:20,345 --> 00:36:22,014
Mark's doctor needed
information

864
00:36:22,264 --> 00:36:24,057
about his family's
medical history.

865
00:36:24,308 --> 00:36:26,810
He was about to have
a minor surgical procedure.

866
00:36:27,269 --> 00:36:30,105
It was, like, midnight,
and she's a night owl,

867
00:36:30,355 --> 00:36:31,940
and I was coming
in the kitchen.

868
00:36:32,482 --> 00:36:34,526
And, um, she said, uh,

869
00:36:34,610 --> 00:36:36,361
"You know
when you asked me about--

870
00:36:36,445 --> 00:36:38,614
you were relating that story
about your medical condition

871
00:36:38,864 --> 00:36:40,824
and what the doctors
were asking about your history?

872
00:36:40,908 --> 00:36:41,950
Medical history."

873
00:36:42,451 --> 00:36:43,952
And I said, "Yeah."
She goes,

874
00:36:44,202 --> 00:36:46,288
"Well, um, you know
around the time you were born,

875
00:36:46,538 --> 00:36:48,957
we were planning
on having a family,

876
00:36:49,041 --> 00:36:51,710
but, um,
your dad was shooting blanks."

877
00:36:52,878 --> 00:36:55,505
And I'm like,
"What does that mean?"

878
00:36:55,589 --> 00:36:58,342
- And those are her exact words.
- Those were her exact words.

879
00:36:58,425 --> 00:36:59,593
When she told me,

880
00:36:59,843 --> 00:37:01,553
the very last thing
she said was,

881
00:37:01,637 --> 00:37:05,140
"Don't tell him--" my dad.

882
00:37:05,223 --> 00:37:06,850
"He told me
not to tell you."

883
00:37:07,100 --> 00:37:08,936
[woman] Shh!

884
00:37:09,853 --> 00:37:12,564
[Jon] Eventually, Mark's mom
did mention to his dad

885
00:37:12,814 --> 00:37:15,609
that she had told Mark
about the insemination.

886
00:37:15,692 --> 00:37:17,527
So, from the early 1980s

887
00:37:17,611 --> 00:37:20,405
until his dad's death
in 2016,

888
00:37:20,489 --> 00:37:22,616
more than 30 years,

889
00:37:22,699 --> 00:37:23,867
Mark knew the secret.

890
00:37:24,451 --> 00:37:26,536
And his dad knew that Mark
knew.

891
00:37:26,620 --> 00:37:28,121
[Mark] First date.

892
00:37:28,205 --> 00:37:30,040
[chuckles]
Because that isn't something

893
00:37:30,290 --> 00:37:31,583
you tell someone
on the first date.

894
00:37:32,250 --> 00:37:33,585
Back when he was 19,

895
00:37:33,835 --> 00:37:36,630
he finds out his father
is not his father,

896
00:37:36,880 --> 00:37:39,132
and that they never speak
about it together,

897
00:37:39,216 --> 00:37:40,676
even though they both knew?

898
00:37:41,426 --> 00:37:43,470
It just was incredible.

899
00:37:43,553 --> 00:37:45,055
So, you never talked to him.

900
00:37:45,305 --> 00:37:46,556
He ne--
did you ever think about it?

901
00:37:46,807 --> 00:37:48,392
Did you ever think about
saying something to him?

902
00:37:48,475 --> 00:37:50,185
I did start to think about it
in his later years.

903
00:37:50,268 --> 00:37:53,105
His health started to fail,
he went on dialysis,

904
00:37:53,188 --> 00:37:56,566
and I considered saying it,
if nothing else,

905
00:37:56,650 --> 00:37:59,611
to thank him
for the selfless thing

906
00:37:59,861 --> 00:38:00,904
that he did.

907
00:38:01,405 --> 00:38:05,158
I was torn,
because I wanted to thank him

908
00:38:05,242 --> 00:38:07,035
for giving me
this gift of life,

909
00:38:07,119 --> 00:38:09,663
but at the same time,
if it made him feel bad

910
00:38:09,746 --> 00:38:11,081
and feeling shame

911
00:38:11,331 --> 00:38:15,127
of something
that he obviously chose for...

912
00:38:15,210 --> 00:38:17,170
50-some-odd years
not to bring up,

913
00:38:17,254 --> 00:38:19,589
that I didn't want to
be the first to bring it up.

914
00:38:19,840 --> 00:38:22,009
It just wasn't gonna be
part of the act.

915
00:38:22,092 --> 00:38:24,219
- Yeah, so to speak, yeah.
- [Jon] Right? Yeah.

916
00:38:24,469 --> 00:38:25,429
Thank you very much.

917
00:38:26,638 --> 00:38:28,181
[Jon]
Unlike our other siblings,

918
00:38:28,265 --> 00:38:30,851
Mark believes
his dad's inability to have kids

919
00:38:31,101 --> 00:38:32,894
didn't affect the way
he treated Mark.

920
00:38:33,145 --> 00:38:34,563
You have to accept

921
00:38:34,646 --> 00:38:36,565
that that's not gonna be
a piece of the puzzle

922
00:38:36,815 --> 00:38:37,816
that's gonna get solved
for you.

923
00:38:37,899 --> 00:38:39,484
Right, right. And then...

924
00:38:39,568 --> 00:38:41,611
[Jon] But, when it comes
to emotional acuity,

925
00:38:41,695 --> 00:38:44,197
our dads share
similar traits.

926
00:38:44,990 --> 00:38:48,368
[Mark] My dad was a really great
provider growing up,

927
00:38:48,452 --> 00:38:50,871
but
from an emotional standpoint,

928
00:38:51,121 --> 00:38:53,790
he was limited.

929
00:38:53,874 --> 00:38:57,210
Quite frankly, I think
there was some shame

930
00:38:57,294 --> 00:38:59,796
associated
with the ability of a man,

931
00:39:00,047 --> 00:39:03,717
not being able to reproduce,
which my father probably felt.

932
00:39:08,764 --> 00:39:11,600
[Jon] And finally,
I meet two other donor siblings.

933
00:39:12,309 --> 00:39:14,853
Their experiences
couldn't be more different.

934
00:39:15,687 --> 00:39:18,065
First,
there's donor sister Rose Sloat.

935
00:39:19,816 --> 00:39:21,777
My father
had been in the navy

936
00:39:22,027 --> 00:39:25,739
and discharged
for being mentally unstable.

937
00:39:25,822 --> 00:39:27,491
[gentle piano music plays]

938
00:39:27,574 --> 00:39:30,827
I didn't get along with him,

939
00:39:31,078 --> 00:39:31,953
at all.

940
00:39:32,204 --> 00:39:33,205
He was mean.

941
00:39:35,457 --> 00:39:38,585
He bought shirts
for me and my mom,

942
00:39:38,835 --> 00:39:41,505
and the shirts said, "slave,"

943
00:39:41,588 --> 00:39:44,299
and he had one
that said "master."

944
00:39:46,468 --> 00:39:48,136
[Jon] I suspect

945
00:39:48,220 --> 00:39:49,721
that even if Rose
was his biological child,

946
00:39:49,971 --> 00:39:51,348
he'd still have been nasty.

947
00:39:52,015 --> 00:39:54,518
Despite a great relationship
with her mom,

948
00:39:54,601 --> 00:39:56,561
her parents, like mine,

949
00:39:56,645 --> 00:39:58,230
were intent on keeping
their secrets

950
00:39:58,480 --> 00:40:00,190
safely tucked away.

951
00:40:00,273 --> 00:40:02,526
Rose recalls a conversation
with them

952
00:40:02,609 --> 00:40:05,779
after discovering her blood
type in eighth-grade science.

953
00:40:05,862 --> 00:40:07,489
[Rose] I knew my science,

954
00:40:07,739 --> 00:40:09,324
and I knew
that there's no way

955
00:40:09,407 --> 00:40:12,536
that an A-negative dad

956
00:40:12,619 --> 00:40:14,704
and an O-negative mom,

957
00:40:14,788 --> 00:40:16,456
can have a B-positive baby.

958
00:40:17,374 --> 00:40:19,334
And they said,
"Well, when you were born

959
00:40:19,417 --> 00:40:20,544
you had jaundice,

960
00:40:20,794 --> 00:40:22,170
and then you had
a blood transfusion,

961
00:40:22,254 --> 00:40:25,132
so that must have changed
your blood type."

962
00:40:25,215 --> 00:40:28,009
So, I asked
my science teacher,

963
00:40:28,260 --> 00:40:31,138
and he didn't say anything
to me,

964
00:40:31,388 --> 00:40:33,348
so he was probably thinking

965
00:40:33,431 --> 00:40:37,018
that my mom was stepping out,
or something,

966
00:40:37,269 --> 00:40:38,895
- but I...
- [laughs]

967
00:40:39,563 --> 00:40:41,857
I was angry
with my parents,

968
00:40:42,107 --> 00:40:44,526
and especially my mom,
for not telling me,

969
00:40:44,776 --> 00:40:47,904
because I had conflict
with the father that raised me.

970
00:40:48,989 --> 00:40:52,159
And so I think, "Oh,
why didn't she let me know?"

971
00:40:56,288 --> 00:40:59,166
[upbeat jazz music plays]

972
00:40:59,416 --> 00:41:00,917
[Jon] Then,
there's donor sibling

973
00:41:01,168 --> 00:41:02,627
David Neuschulz.

974
00:41:02,878 --> 00:41:05,046
He wasn't angry at all
at either of his parents

975
00:41:05,130 --> 00:41:07,424
when he got the results
of his DNA test.

976
00:41:07,507 --> 00:41:09,176
[doorbell ringing]

977
00:41:09,259 --> 00:41:11,386
- Brother from another mother.
- Hey, how's it goin' bro?

978
00:41:11,636 --> 00:41:12,679
[Jon] Hey, man,
how you doing?

979
00:41:12,929 --> 00:41:14,347
[Jon] He remembers his dad

980
00:41:14,431 --> 00:41:16,349
as someone
straight out of Central Casting

981
00:41:16,600 --> 00:41:17,934
for primetime television.

982
00:41:18,476 --> 00:41:21,188
Several of my friends
from the block

983
00:41:21,271 --> 00:41:22,981
have blurted out to me
in conversation,

984
00:41:23,064 --> 00:41:26,109
"You know,
your dad was a great man."

985
00:41:26,193 --> 00:41:28,445
He's like a, you know,
a cross between, uh,

986
00:41:28,695 --> 00:41:30,780
the actor Brian Dennehy
and Santa Claus.

987
00:41:30,864 --> 00:41:33,074
Big buy.
A rhinoceros of a man.

988
00:41:33,158 --> 00:41:35,952
He was really a gentle giant
when it came down to it.

989
00:41:36,203 --> 00:41:37,454
He just had that charm--

990
00:41:37,537 --> 00:41:39,414
life of the party--
in a good way.

991
00:41:40,582 --> 00:41:42,959
[Jon] And David thinks his dad
might have been okay

992
00:41:43,043 --> 00:41:44,377
with the whole
sperm donor thing.

993
00:41:44,920 --> 00:41:46,922
Or maybe he never knew.

994
00:41:47,505 --> 00:41:49,007
[Jon] So, you're saying
that your mom,

995
00:41:49,090 --> 00:41:50,258
she might have kept it
from your dad, just--

996
00:41:50,508 --> 00:41:51,760
- [David N] Yup.
- [Jon] Wow.

997
00:41:52,010 --> 00:41:54,638
Not even her best,
best friends knew her age

998
00:41:54,721 --> 00:41:56,306
until her funeral.

999
00:41:56,389 --> 00:41:59,809
So, she had a little streak
of keeping secrets,

1000
00:42:00,060 --> 00:42:03,730
but because of his love
of kids in general,

1001
00:42:03,980 --> 00:42:05,482
maybe he did know.

1002
00:42:05,565 --> 00:42:06,608
I don't know.

1003
00:42:07,359 --> 00:42:09,778
[mysterious music plays]

1004
00:42:10,028 --> 00:42:11,571
[Jon] You've heard
from the donor siblings

1005
00:42:11,655 --> 00:42:13,490
I know about,

1006
00:42:13,573 --> 00:42:15,450
but Hesh had six kids
from two different marriages.

1007
00:42:15,533 --> 00:42:17,410
And through
the testing service,

1008
00:42:17,494 --> 00:42:18,995
there are at least three
other donor siblings

1009
00:42:19,246 --> 00:42:20,705
we know about.

1010
00:42:20,956 --> 00:42:21,957
Two say they're not interested
in communicating

1011
00:42:22,207 --> 00:42:23,458
with the rest of us.

1012
00:42:23,541 --> 00:42:25,377
And Hesh
has a donor grandchild

1013
00:42:25,627 --> 00:42:27,462
that no donor kid of his
can claim.

1014
00:42:28,046 --> 00:42:30,840
So, who knows
if it's Hesh's son

1015
00:42:30,924 --> 00:42:32,300
or daughter
that's the parent?

1016
00:42:33,093 --> 00:42:34,761
And as time goes on,

1017
00:42:35,011 --> 00:42:37,222
who knows how many others
might show up?

1018
00:42:39,224 --> 00:42:44,229
♪

1019
00:42:46,606 --> 00:42:50,652
♪ I'm ridin' my luck,
I'm takin' my chances ♪

1020
00:42:50,902 --> 00:42:54,614
[Jon] Speaking of showing up,
it's October, 2019.

1021
00:42:54,864 --> 00:42:58,743
I am heading to Las Vegas
to visit my bio dad, Hesh,

1022
00:42:58,994 --> 00:43:01,329
for the first time,
face-to-face.

1023
00:43:01,788 --> 00:43:02,872
I'm conflicted.

1024
00:43:03,707 --> 00:43:05,667
Obviously, my dad does not know

1025
00:43:05,917 --> 00:43:08,169
I'm going out to visit the man
that pinch-hit for him

1026
00:43:08,420 --> 00:43:10,714
in the summer of 1963.

1027
00:43:10,797 --> 00:43:13,091
And I-- I'm feeling
a little conflicted about it.

1028
00:43:13,174 --> 00:43:14,926
I feel like
I'm cheating on him in a way.

1029
00:43:15,635 --> 00:43:19,639
And I think if my dad knew
that I was doing this,

1030
00:43:20,598 --> 00:43:22,934
I think he would disown me.

1031
00:43:24,185 --> 00:43:26,938
[Jon] So,
there's a lot to process here.

1032
00:43:27,188 --> 00:43:29,232
My donor sibs
have already met Hesh,

1033
00:43:29,316 --> 00:43:32,152
and, like me now,
they were anxious, too,

1034
00:43:32,402 --> 00:43:33,570
just before meeting him.

1035
00:43:34,112 --> 00:43:36,072
Their words
swirl through my head.

1036
00:43:36,823 --> 00:43:38,116
[Mark]
What is this gonna be like,

1037
00:43:38,366 --> 00:43:39,576
what's he gonna look like?

1038
00:43:39,826 --> 00:43:41,369
There's a part of me in him,

1039
00:43:41,453 --> 00:43:43,246
how much am I really
gonna look like him?

1040
00:43:43,830 --> 00:43:45,582
[Sharon]
I have an innate need

1041
00:43:45,665 --> 00:43:49,127
to look into the eyes of
someone who has half my DNA.

1042
00:43:54,132 --> 00:43:57,385
There are no words
to describe the moment

1043
00:43:57,635 --> 00:44:00,889
you meet
your biological father.

1044
00:44:00,972 --> 00:44:02,807
[sighs heavily]

1045
00:44:02,891 --> 00:44:04,017
[camera shutter clicking]

1046
00:44:05,852 --> 00:44:08,396
[camera shutter clicking]

1047
00:44:08,480 --> 00:44:09,522
[camera shutter clicking]

1048
00:44:11,107 --> 00:44:12,150
[camera shutter clicking]

1049
00:44:15,820 --> 00:44:17,989
So, this is the Jon
eucalyptus tree,

1050
00:44:18,239 --> 00:44:20,158
so kindly presented
as a gift...

1051
00:44:20,241 --> 00:44:22,160
[Jon] You are looking
at a eucalyptus tree

1052
00:44:22,243 --> 00:44:23,828
planted in Hesh's backyard,

1053
00:44:24,079 --> 00:44:25,080
in my honor.

1054
00:44:25,163 --> 00:44:26,414
Sort of.

1055
00:44:26,498 --> 00:44:27,582
So,
this is the eucalyptus tree

1056
00:44:27,832 --> 00:44:29,417
- you named after me...
- Right.

1057
00:44:29,501 --> 00:44:31,211
...that I didn't get you,
'cause the one I got you...

1058
00:44:31,461 --> 00:44:32,712
- ...didn't survive.
- Right.

1059
00:44:32,962 --> 00:44:34,089
- Yeah.
- Okay.

1060
00:44:34,339 --> 00:44:35,590
- I'm honored.
- Ah, you--

1061
00:44:35,673 --> 00:44:36,966
I'm honored to have
a eucalyptus tree

1062
00:44:37,050 --> 00:44:38,259
- named after me.
- And rightly so. And rightly so.

1063
00:44:38,343 --> 00:44:39,427
And it's awesome.

1064
00:44:39,511 --> 00:44:41,429
[Jon] He tends to a huge variety

1065
00:44:41,513 --> 00:44:42,972
of fruits and plants.

1066
00:44:43,598 --> 00:44:45,058
He's proud of it.

1067
00:44:45,141 --> 00:44:47,227
[Jon] Why do you think you like
the garden so much, Hesh?

1068
00:44:47,977 --> 00:44:49,729
It's rewarding and forgiving.

1069
00:44:49,979 --> 00:44:52,565
And, okay.
It-- rewarding, I understand.

1070
00:44:52,649 --> 00:44:53,858
Forgiving,
explain how it's forgiving.

1071
00:44:54,109 --> 00:44:55,110
You can screw up.

1072
00:44:56,027 --> 00:44:58,738
You can forget to water it
for one day, or two days.

1073
00:44:59,322 --> 00:45:01,032
And then remember.
And it'll come back.

1074
00:45:01,616 --> 00:45:03,535
- It's forgiving. I like that.
- It's forgiving.

1075
00:45:04,077 --> 00:45:07,539
[Jon] He is the bio dad who,
unlike his visiting bio son,

1076
00:45:07,789 --> 00:45:09,290
comes complete
with a green thumb.

1077
00:45:09,541 --> 00:45:12,252
There is a tomato
growing somewheres up in here.

1078
00:45:13,002 --> 00:45:14,712
[Jon] And for a man
in his late 80s,

1079
00:45:14,796 --> 00:45:16,506
he hardly gives
a second thought

1080
00:45:16,589 --> 00:45:18,925
to walking two miles a day
with his wife, Margery.

1081
00:45:20,427 --> 00:45:22,637
Sometimes,
they do the walk twice in a day.

1082
00:45:23,638 --> 00:45:26,057
Margery, when, um,
Hesh first found out

1083
00:45:26,307 --> 00:45:27,559
- all this...
- Yeah.

1084
00:45:27,642 --> 00:45:29,102
...you know,
what was his reaction?

1085
00:45:29,185 --> 00:45:30,228
What was he like?

1086
00:45:30,311 --> 00:45:32,021
Well, the very first is,

1087
00:45:32,105 --> 00:45:33,690
you know, it's like you--
you draw a breath in,

1088
00:45:33,940 --> 00:45:35,191
it's like [gasping].

1089
00:45:35,275 --> 00:45:36,985
What should--
what should it mean?

1090
00:45:37,068 --> 00:45:38,445
And the more
we thought about it,

1091
00:45:38,528 --> 00:45:39,946
you know,
it got a little exciting,

1092
00:45:40,196 --> 00:45:41,448
it's like, wow!

1093
00:45:42,282 --> 00:45:43,575
But it was nothing, like,

1094
00:45:43,658 --> 00:45:45,994
when we actually met 'em,
and we realized,

1095
00:45:46,244 --> 00:45:50,039
these are middle-aged people
who are so nice!

1096
00:45:50,290 --> 00:45:51,666
You know, it's-- it's like

1097
00:45:51,916 --> 00:45:54,169
there's no downside
to meeting 'em.

1098
00:45:54,252 --> 00:45:55,879
Nothing.
It was just wonderful.

1099
00:45:55,962 --> 00:45:57,172
- [Hesh] Yeah.
- [Margie] They're just so nice.

1100
00:45:57,672 --> 00:45:59,632
Instead of being someone

1101
00:45:59,716 --> 00:46:02,469
whose father is long gone

1102
00:46:02,552 --> 00:46:04,012
and was very old,

1103
00:46:04,095 --> 00:46:05,847
actually, I have
a donor father

1104
00:46:06,097 --> 00:46:09,517
who's alive, well,
retired in Las Vegas

1105
00:46:09,767 --> 00:46:10,935
and healthy as a horse.

1106
00:46:11,478 --> 00:46:14,522
When I met him,
I looked into his eyes,

1107
00:46:14,606 --> 00:46:18,026
and I saw
my same eye color.

1108
00:46:18,109 --> 00:46:20,487
And I saw when he smiles,

1109
00:46:20,570 --> 00:46:24,157
he kind of lifts up
the left side a little bit more

1110
00:46:24,240 --> 00:46:25,700
than the right side.

1111
00:46:25,783 --> 00:46:28,244
I just was, like, wow!

1112
00:46:28,495 --> 00:46:30,622
So, you start
and you complete the frame.

1113
00:46:31,164 --> 00:46:33,291
I've got shelves
of jigsaw puzzles in there.

1114
00:46:33,917 --> 00:46:36,503
You keep your mind
busy and active,

1115
00:46:36,586 --> 00:46:37,837
and you'll be okay.

1116
00:46:38,087 --> 00:46:40,298
[Sharon]
Here was this older man,

1117
00:46:40,548 --> 00:46:42,926
very healthy,
very dynamic,

1118
00:46:43,009 --> 00:46:44,552
amazingly interesting,

1119
00:46:44,636 --> 00:46:47,555
so many angles
to which he had lived his life,

1120
00:46:47,639 --> 00:46:50,391
and how he was currently
living his life.

1121
00:46:50,475 --> 00:46:52,310
Who wouldn't want to be related
to him?

1122
00:46:53,436 --> 00:46:55,897
The last piece,
you leave that for Margie.

1123
00:46:56,147 --> 00:46:57,649
She's going about.

1124
00:46:57,732 --> 00:46:59,275
♪ Da, da, da, da,
da, da, da, da, da ♪

1125
00:46:59,359 --> 00:47:00,818
"Oh, a puzzle, oh, a piece.

1126
00:47:00,902 --> 00:47:03,029
Look, Heshy,
I finished the puzzle."

1127
00:47:03,279 --> 00:47:05,073
"Way to go, Margie!"

1128
00:47:05,156 --> 00:47:07,534
[Jon laughing]

1129
00:47:07,784 --> 00:47:09,786
[Jon]
Hesh is an invaluable resource

1130
00:47:10,036 --> 00:47:13,331
on the topic of 1960s
artificial insemination.

1131
00:47:13,414 --> 00:47:17,585
Looking here, so we've got
Shivman, Seinstein, Schell....

1132
00:47:17,669 --> 00:47:19,254
[Hesh] That was all...

1133
00:47:19,337 --> 00:47:20,922
[Jon] I'm learning,
among other things,

1134
00:47:21,172 --> 00:47:23,716
that half the reason
I was 99% Ashkenazi Jewish

1135
00:47:23,967 --> 00:47:28,221
was because many med students
at Mount Sinai in 1963,

1136
00:47:28,471 --> 00:47:30,139
like Hesh, were Jewish.

1137
00:47:30,723 --> 00:47:33,851
[Hesh] Okay, so this is
a yearbook of my grade school...

1138
00:47:33,935 --> 00:47:36,271
[Jon]
Hesh was born in 1933.

1139
00:47:36,521 --> 00:47:38,523
He grew up
in a lower-middle-class section

1140
00:47:38,773 --> 00:47:40,567
of Queens.

1141
00:47:40,650 --> 00:47:42,569
His father worked for Con Ed,
the electric company.

1142
00:47:43,403 --> 00:47:46,114
The family was Jewish,
but never practiced.

1143
00:47:46,197 --> 00:47:48,366
- I enjoyed that story.
- [laughs] Okay.

1144
00:47:48,449 --> 00:47:50,243
Like, there was so much
anti-Semitism in every--

1145
00:47:50,326 --> 00:47:51,786
in and around New York
at the time,

1146
00:47:52,036 --> 00:47:53,496
even after World War II,

1147
00:47:53,746 --> 00:47:57,166
that you just didn't flaunt
your religion to anybody.

1148
00:47:57,250 --> 00:47:58,459
You hid it.

1149
00:47:58,710 --> 00:48:01,296
Or else you got hit--
hit yourself.

1150
00:48:01,379 --> 00:48:03,506
I didn't have a Bar Mitzvah,
didn't go to Hebrew school.

1151
00:48:03,590 --> 00:48:05,008
[electric guitar riff plays]

1152
00:48:05,091 --> 00:48:06,342
[Jon]
Hesh makes it through college

1153
00:48:06,593 --> 00:48:08,219
and medical school
on his own.

1154
00:48:08,303 --> 00:48:10,555
He went into private practice
for 47 years.

1155
00:48:11,097 --> 00:48:14,934
Margie is his third wife,
with whom he has no children.

1156
00:48:15,184 --> 00:48:17,103
She's credited
for persuading Hesh

1157
00:48:17,353 --> 00:48:19,105
to do something
rather unorthodox

1158
00:48:19,355 --> 00:48:21,149
when he was 74 years old.

1159
00:48:21,608 --> 00:48:25,278
Well, I got married to Margery,
the love of my life,

1160
00:48:25,361 --> 00:48:28,239
and she said... [chuckles]

1161
00:48:28,489 --> 00:48:29,907
"...You have to go
to church."

1162
00:48:30,742 --> 00:48:32,869
I said, I don't go to church,
I go to synagogue.

1163
00:48:32,952 --> 00:48:34,412
So, "You have to go
to synagogue."

1164
00:48:34,495 --> 00:48:35,872
I said,
"Okay, I'll go to synagogue."

1165
00:48:36,122 --> 00:48:38,124
So I went to synagogue,
and they said,

1166
00:48:38,374 --> 00:48:39,542
"You know, as an adult,

1167
00:48:39,792 --> 00:48:41,127
if you missed
having a Bar Mitzvah,

1168
00:48:41,377 --> 00:48:42,587
you could have one as an adult."

1169
00:48:42,837 --> 00:48:45,298
I said "Really?"
And we were Bar Mitzvahed.

1170
00:48:46,716 --> 00:48:48,551
[gentle piano music playing]

1171
00:48:51,512 --> 00:48:53,264
So here we are,
in our fifties,

1172
00:48:53,514 --> 00:48:55,516
uh, and we're kind of
meeting bio dad here.

1173
00:48:55,767 --> 00:48:58,102
What is it you want to give us?

1174
00:48:58,353 --> 00:48:59,812
- As your kids?
- Well--

1175
00:49:00,063 --> 00:49:01,606
I mean, I know you're not gonna
give us the house,

1176
00:49:01,856 --> 00:49:03,441
and you're
not gonna give us the car,

1177
00:49:03,524 --> 00:49:04,817
and you're not gonna
give us the insurance policy.

1178
00:49:04,901 --> 00:49:05,985
Uh, you-- if you want,
we can talk,

1179
00:49:06,235 --> 00:49:07,820
but I--
I can live without it.

1180
00:49:08,071 --> 00:49:10,031
What are you think-- you know,
what do you wanna give us?

1181
00:49:10,281 --> 00:49:13,451
You need to know that
I came from nothingness,

1182
00:49:13,534 --> 00:49:16,621
from the little kid
who slept on the floor,

1183
00:49:16,871 --> 00:49:20,500
to the kid that went
to the American Board of OB-GYN

1184
00:49:20,583 --> 00:49:23,795
and gave exams,
I was able to prosper.

1185
00:49:24,045 --> 00:49:26,214
So things
fell into place for me,

1186
00:49:26,297 --> 00:49:28,383
and I had
a very wonderful life.

1187
00:49:29,217 --> 00:49:30,551
I was able to make it.

1188
00:49:30,802 --> 00:49:32,136
[Jon] And there's
a picture of you somewhere.

1189
00:49:32,387 --> 00:49:33,721
- Ah!
- [Hesh] There is me.

1190
00:49:33,971 --> 00:49:35,848
You can do better
than you think you can do.

1191
00:49:36,099 --> 00:49:38,434
Look what I did!
You got my DNA.

1192
00:49:38,685 --> 00:49:40,853
Look at how many
X number of years,

1193
00:49:41,104 --> 00:49:42,146
you can live that long.

1194
00:49:44,148 --> 00:49:45,608
[Jon]
They just can't stop you, Hesh.

1195
00:49:46,359 --> 00:49:47,944
[Hesh] The secret
of growing old is,

1196
00:49:48,194 --> 00:49:49,529
don't ever stop.

1197
00:49:49,612 --> 00:49:52,156
Don't ever stop moving,
or you're doomed.

1198
00:49:52,240 --> 00:49:54,409
[Jon laughs]

1199
00:49:54,492 --> 00:49:56,494
How many kids do you think
you have out there?

1200
00:49:56,577 --> 00:49:58,037
So I would say,
over the period of time,

1201
00:49:58,121 --> 00:49:59,872
I would say maybe 60.

1202
00:50:00,123 --> 00:50:01,457
- Sixty?
- [Hesh] Yeah.

1203
00:50:01,541 --> 00:50:03,251
Hmm. [laughs]

1204
00:50:04,168 --> 00:50:06,796
[Jon] So far, we only know about
nine donor kids.

1205
00:50:07,505 --> 00:50:11,008
I suppose time will tell about
the other potential 51.

1206
00:50:18,725 --> 00:50:20,601
In the fall of 2019,

1207
00:50:20,685 --> 00:50:23,271
after I meet Hesh,
I have an aha moment.

1208
00:50:23,521 --> 00:50:25,523
Something clicks about my dad.

1209
00:50:25,606 --> 00:50:29,110
It's like the pieces of a puzzle
suddenly come together.

1210
00:50:29,694 --> 00:50:31,612
- [Jon] Must be-- say hi.
- Hi.

1211
00:50:31,696 --> 00:50:33,406
[Jon] Okay, all right.

1212
00:50:33,489 --> 00:50:35,158
[Jon] His need to hear
"Hello" at the exact right time,

1213
00:50:35,241 --> 00:50:37,118
to get the greeting
cards on time,

1214
00:50:37,368 --> 00:50:40,413
it's almost as if each demand
represents a block,

1215
00:50:40,496 --> 00:50:42,915
propping up the wall,
protecting the secret.

1216
00:50:43,541 --> 00:50:44,917
His actions say,

1217
00:50:45,001 --> 00:50:46,627
"Because you were donor
conceived,

1218
00:50:46,878 --> 00:50:49,547
I'm not completely confident
about being your father,

1219
00:50:49,630 --> 00:50:51,799
so help me see it as real.

1220
00:50:52,049 --> 00:50:53,426
Do these things,

1221
00:50:53,676 --> 00:50:54,802
or I'll think that
you don't love me."

1222
00:50:55,303 --> 00:50:57,513
It's like
we were fulfilling a contract

1223
00:50:57,764 --> 00:50:59,348
we never knew we signed.

1224
00:50:59,432 --> 00:51:00,975
In a way,

1225
00:51:01,225 --> 00:51:03,144
that part of the relationship
feels rigged.

1226
00:51:03,853 --> 00:51:05,521
So, in a way,
it was almost rigged.

1227
00:51:05,605 --> 00:51:07,231
- Yes.
- Because he knew

1228
00:51:07,315 --> 00:51:08,524
- there was a contract.
- There was a contract, yes.

1229
00:51:08,775 --> 00:51:10,067
We didn't know
there was a contract.

1230
00:51:10,151 --> 00:51:11,652
Correct.

1231
00:51:11,903 --> 00:51:13,488
But we were expected
to know there was a contract.

1232
00:51:13,571 --> 00:51:15,072
Right. We-- we were expected
to do certain things,

1233
00:51:15,156 --> 00:51:16,657
and we eventually learned
most of these things,

1234
00:51:16,908 --> 00:51:18,534
we knew, "Uh-oh,
we better not do X or Y

1235
00:51:18,618 --> 00:51:19,577
or we're gonna be in trouble."

1236
00:51:19,827 --> 00:51:21,204
I mean, I do think that

1237
00:51:21,287 --> 00:51:23,247
there is this sense
of an "aha" moment,

1238
00:51:23,331 --> 00:51:27,543
of whatever that moment is about
for people who discover that

1239
00:51:27,794 --> 00:51:30,630
they are donor-conceived,
and they didn't know.

1240
00:51:31,172 --> 00:51:33,633
[Jon] Rosanna Hertz
is a professor of sociology

1241
00:51:33,883 --> 00:51:35,843
at Wellesley College
in Massachusetts.

1242
00:51:35,927 --> 00:51:39,096
She studies new family types,
like the one I'm discovering.

1243
00:51:39,847 --> 00:51:42,141
She's written at least two
books on the subject.

1244
00:51:42,391 --> 00:51:43,976
As part of her research,

1245
00:51:44,227 --> 00:51:46,896
she's talked to many
donor-conceived individuals.

1246
00:51:47,146 --> 00:51:48,689
Well,
they didn't grow up with this

1247
00:51:48,940 --> 00:51:52,276
as part of their birth story,
but suddenly it explains

1248
00:51:52,527 --> 00:51:54,654
pieces of themselves
that never made sense.

1249
00:51:54,904 --> 00:51:57,448
Or it could be their
relationship with their parent

1250
00:51:57,698 --> 00:51:59,575
that never made
really great sense to them.

1251
00:51:59,826 --> 00:52:01,869
And I was like,
"Oh, it wasn't me,

1252
00:52:01,953 --> 00:52:03,538
it wasn't my personality,
it wasn't me.

1253
00:52:03,788 --> 00:52:06,332
It was how I came into the world
that he was upset about,

1254
00:52:06,582 --> 00:52:08,417
and I was a constant reminder

1255
00:52:08,501 --> 00:52:10,086
of something
that he couldn't do.

1256
00:52:10,336 --> 00:52:12,129
[epic orchestral music]

1257
00:52:12,213 --> 00:52:13,589
I didn't quite understand,

1258
00:52:13,840 --> 00:52:17,218
but I wasn't much like anyone
in my family,

1259
00:52:17,468 --> 00:52:19,804
so when I found that out,
I thought,

1260
00:52:20,054 --> 00:52:21,138
"That makes sense."

1261
00:52:22,974 --> 00:52:25,268
It was a wall,
a wall built up,

1262
00:52:25,351 --> 00:52:26,769
and then when we realized
what was going on,

1263
00:52:26,853 --> 00:52:29,772
I was like, "Oh, now I get it."

1264
00:52:29,856 --> 00:52:34,235
[Rosanna] The discovery
makes them feel alive or whole,

1265
00:52:34,318 --> 00:52:38,823
or like they finally have
an answer as to one's identity.

1266
00:52:47,290 --> 00:52:48,583
[Jon] The wall is gone.

1267
00:52:48,833 --> 00:52:50,126
And I have
a different perspective

1268
00:52:50,376 --> 00:52:51,627
on my family's past.

1269
00:52:52,336 --> 00:52:53,504
There's more clarity.

1270
00:52:54,130 --> 00:52:56,591
These bins
are like our family archives,

1271
00:52:56,674 --> 00:52:59,385
containing photos,
movies, and videos.

1272
00:52:59,635 --> 00:53:02,430
All once scattered
throughout our New Jersey home.

1273
00:53:02,513 --> 00:53:07,184
Our trip to Israel, 1983.
God, they loved it there.

1274
00:53:08,185 --> 00:53:10,396
Hmm. Jerusalem.

1275
00:53:11,230 --> 00:53:13,858
Here they are.
At the Western Wall.

1276
00:53:15,026 --> 00:53:17,904
[Jon] Now,
decades of images and sounds

1277
00:53:18,154 --> 00:53:20,281
sit quietly
in my Georgia garage.

1278
00:53:21,115 --> 00:53:24,577
Knowing what I know now,
what might they reveal?

1279
00:53:26,746 --> 00:53:28,289
As soon
as my parents tied the knot,

1280
00:53:28,539 --> 00:53:30,082
they broke out the camera.

1281
00:53:30,625 --> 00:53:33,210
Among the very first
images captured,

1282
00:53:33,294 --> 00:53:35,212
the young couple's
European honeymoon,

1283
00:53:35,296 --> 00:53:37,256
in the summer of 1954.

1284
00:53:37,840 --> 00:53:40,509
It's as if the smiles
on their faces are saying,

1285
00:53:40,593 --> 00:53:44,722
"What could possibly go wrong?"

1286
00:53:44,805 --> 00:53:47,516
So, here is
the first photo album

1287
00:53:47,600 --> 00:53:50,144
my parents had
after they got married.

1288
00:53:50,227 --> 00:53:54,190
So it starts
in the fall of 1954,

1289
00:53:54,440 --> 00:53:57,777
and then we go
to the summer of 1955,

1290
00:53:57,860 --> 00:53:59,612
at the beach in Long Island,

1291
00:53:59,695 --> 00:54:04,200
and then suddenly
the pages all go blank.

1292
00:54:05,284 --> 00:54:06,619
You know,
I never really thought about it,

1293
00:54:06,869 --> 00:54:11,916
but the gap from 1955 to 1958,

1294
00:54:11,999 --> 00:54:15,211
with no photos,
no films in these bins,

1295
00:54:15,461 --> 00:54:17,755
coincides with their struggle
to get pregnant.

1296
00:54:18,714 --> 00:54:21,050
[Jon] For a young married couple
like my parents,

1297
00:54:21,300 --> 00:54:24,387
or any couple wanting children
in the late 1950s,

1298
00:54:24,470 --> 00:54:26,514
the path
to artificial insemination

1299
00:54:26,597 --> 00:54:28,140
could be challenging,

1300
00:54:28,224 --> 00:54:31,769
filled with strong
cultural headwinds.

1301
00:54:31,852 --> 00:54:34,730
More than several US states
had bills pending

1302
00:54:34,981 --> 00:54:39,318
that would have made it criminal
if you inseminated anyone.

1303
00:54:39,402 --> 00:54:41,237
None of these pending bills
ever passed,

1304
00:54:41,487 --> 00:54:44,073
but it speaks
to the kind of secrecy

1305
00:54:44,156 --> 00:54:47,076
that then emerges within
the medical world as well.

1306
00:54:47,326 --> 00:54:50,037
This kind of thing
is ethically iffy.

1307
00:54:50,121 --> 00:54:53,666
We have a great religious thrust
not to do this,

1308
00:54:53,749 --> 00:54:56,043
and yet women and--
and doctors are doing it.

1309
00:54:56,293 --> 00:54:57,837
You have to give them credit.

1310
00:54:59,505 --> 00:55:01,924
[Jon]
This 1958 series of articles

1311
00:55:02,008 --> 00:55:04,510
from the New York Daily News
backs that up.

1312
00:55:04,593 --> 00:55:07,596
It's about a boom in what they
call "test-tube babies,"

1313
00:55:07,847 --> 00:55:10,683
complete with this cheesy
graphic meant to sell papers.

1314
00:55:11,267 --> 00:55:13,102
The headline says is it all.

1315
00:55:13,352 --> 00:55:16,355
The Archdiocese of New York
called artificial insemination

1316
00:55:16,605 --> 00:55:18,190
"The Latest Social Evil."

1317
00:55:18,691 --> 00:55:20,609
Orthodox rabbis based
their opposition

1318
00:55:20,860 --> 00:55:22,153
on the scriptures' disdain

1319
00:55:22,403 --> 00:55:24,196
of "Casting seed
upon the ground."

1320
00:55:25,656 --> 00:55:27,575
The article explores
how some husbands,

1321
00:55:27,825 --> 00:55:29,910
experiencing the shame
of infertility,

1322
00:55:30,161 --> 00:55:31,829
waited in the car

1323
00:55:31,912 --> 00:55:33,706
as their wives had
the insemination procedure.

1324
00:55:33,956 --> 00:55:35,833
The experience
would have weighed heavy

1325
00:55:35,916 --> 00:55:38,377
on almost anyone's marriage
at the time.

1326
00:55:39,420 --> 00:55:42,548
All the dads that raised
my donor siblings are all gone.

1327
00:55:42,798 --> 00:55:44,050
They've all died.

1328
00:55:44,300 --> 00:55:46,761
But my dad,
he's the sole survivor.

1329
00:55:47,595 --> 00:55:48,971
This is Sharon's wedding?

1330
00:55:49,055 --> 00:55:50,556
Oh, it looks it.
Here's the white gown.

1331
00:55:50,806 --> 00:55:52,767
[Jon] But Sharon's mom...

1332
00:55:53,017 --> 00:55:54,977
Bowtie on a bir--
third birthday?

1333
00:55:55,061 --> 00:55:57,188
I've no idea.
Why'd you give me a bowtie?

1334
00:55:57,438 --> 00:55:59,440
[Jon] Mark's mom...

1335
00:55:59,523 --> 00:56:00,983
This is DNA brother Jon.

1336
00:56:01,067 --> 00:56:03,444
- [Jon] Oh.
- Oh, hi.

1337
00:56:03,527 --> 00:56:04,737
- [Laura laughs]
- Nice to meet you.

1338
00:56:04,820 --> 00:56:06,197
Can I get a hug?

1339
00:56:06,447 --> 00:56:07,823
[Doris] You got a hug,
and you gonna get a kiss.

1340
00:56:08,074 --> 00:56:09,909
[Jon] And Laura's mom,
are all alive.

1341
00:56:10,534 --> 00:56:13,829
All are willing to share
their tales of donor conception,

1342
00:56:14,080 --> 00:56:16,749
revealing what my mother won't,
or can't.

1343
00:56:16,999 --> 00:56:19,502
All three may have
gone to the same doctors

1344
00:56:19,585 --> 00:56:22,296
for insemination,
or completely different ones.

1345
00:56:22,379 --> 00:56:24,006
The doctor told me,

1346
00:56:24,090 --> 00:56:27,593
"You're not to tell a soul,
nobody."

1347
00:56:27,676 --> 00:56:30,429
He said, "You can be
artificially inseminated.

1348
00:56:31,305 --> 00:56:33,349
But I'm gonna tell you
right now,

1349
00:56:33,599 --> 00:56:35,184
it's not legal.

1350
00:56:35,267 --> 00:56:37,728
If you have a problem with that,
then forget about it."

1351
00:56:37,978 --> 00:56:40,523
At that time, everybody kept
everything a secret,

1352
00:56:40,773 --> 00:56:42,942
and you didn't want to
tell anything.

1353
00:56:43,192 --> 00:56:45,736
So I did it, once.

1354
00:56:45,820 --> 00:56:48,489
I was inseminated.

1355
00:56:48,572 --> 00:56:50,991
And, uh,
I got pregnant immediately.

1356
00:56:51,242 --> 00:56:52,493
I went many times.

1357
00:56:52,576 --> 00:56:54,912
I had so much
of the insemination,

1358
00:56:54,995 --> 00:56:56,497
and it's a lot of times.

1359
00:56:56,580 --> 00:56:58,541
[Jon]
I'll never know just how often

1360
00:56:58,791 --> 00:57:01,669
my young mom attempted
artificial insemination,

1361
00:57:01,919 --> 00:57:04,296
but I'm almost certain
that on the first try,

1362
00:57:04,380 --> 00:57:06,507
she handled it
as Harriette would,

1363
00:57:06,590 --> 00:57:10,803
by hiding it in plain sight
to a national TV audience.

1364
00:57:10,886 --> 00:57:12,555
I remember
my mom telling me once,

1365
00:57:12,805 --> 00:57:15,516
when I was home sick
watching game shows.

1366
00:57:15,766 --> 00:57:17,726
She came into my room,
and she said

1367
00:57:17,810 --> 00:57:19,228
"I was on a game show once."

1368
00:57:19,311 --> 00:57:22,565
And little Jonny
with a 101 fever goes, "Really?"

1369
00:57:22,648 --> 00:57:24,024
And she says "Yeah,"
she said,

1370
00:57:24,275 --> 00:57:27,069
"You know, when we were trying
to have kids,

1371
00:57:27,153 --> 00:57:28,779
I was really nervous,

1372
00:57:29,029 --> 00:57:31,490
and the doctor said to me,
I gotta calm down.

1373
00:57:31,574 --> 00:57:33,909
I gotta take my mind off
having children.

1374
00:57:34,160 --> 00:57:36,579
So I tried out for game shows,
and I got on one."

1375
00:57:36,829 --> 00:57:39,248
[announcer]
These are $3,000 winners,

1376
00:57:39,331 --> 00:57:40,833
Mrs. Harriette Baime
and her partner,

1377
00:57:41,083 --> 00:57:42,418
Buffalo Bill Vogel,

1378
00:57:42,668 --> 00:57:45,212
competing for a salary
of $500 a day

1379
00:57:45,296 --> 00:57:47,715
on Who Do You Trust?

1380
00:57:49,008 --> 00:57:51,927
Now, here's the star
of our show, Johnny Carson!

1381
00:57:52,178 --> 00:57:54,221
[audience applauding]

1382
00:57:54,305 --> 00:57:56,974
[John] She was on for two
weeks, she won 5,500 bucks.

1383
00:57:57,057 --> 00:57:58,392
She got enough money to get

1384
00:57:58,642 --> 00:57:59,977
the automatic
garage door opener.

1385
00:58:00,811 --> 00:58:02,313
Welcome to Who Do You Trust,
we have another tie...

1386
00:58:02,563 --> 00:58:04,356
That's what she told me,
she-- she did with the money.

1387
00:58:04,440 --> 00:58:06,108
Have you been out
spending any of it at all?

1388
00:58:06,192 --> 00:58:07,860
- No, not yet.
- Haven't spent a cent?

1389
00:58:08,110 --> 00:58:09,612
- No.
- Well...

1390
00:58:09,695 --> 00:58:11,238
[Jon] Watching my mother
on that game show,

1391
00:58:11,322 --> 00:58:13,199
at 28 years old,
talking to Johnny Carson,

1392
00:58:13,449 --> 00:58:14,992
it was surreal.

1393
00:58:15,576 --> 00:58:16,994
If you watched her
on the game show,

1394
00:58:17,077 --> 00:58:19,872
it was just, like,
everything was wonderful,

1395
00:58:19,955 --> 00:58:21,290
everything is great,
you know?

1396
00:58:21,540 --> 00:58:22,708
Almost like
she was star-struck with him.

1397
00:58:23,209 --> 00:58:24,710
How's your husband
been treating you now?

1398
00:58:24,960 --> 00:58:26,503
New respect
since you've been on our show?

1399
00:58:26,587 --> 00:58:28,297
Well, he says the money
doesn't matter, Johnny,

1400
00:58:28,380 --> 00:58:30,549
but I've been getting breakfast
in bed every morning.

1401
00:58:30,633 --> 00:58:32,092
Aha!

1402
00:58:32,176 --> 00:58:33,427
She always associated being
on that game show

1403
00:58:33,510 --> 00:58:35,012
with getting pregnant.

1404
00:58:35,095 --> 00:58:36,138
Within ten seconds
after I say, "Go,"

1405
00:58:36,388 --> 00:58:37,681
name as many as you can

1406
00:58:37,932 --> 00:58:39,516
of the 27 men
to be top Oscar winners.

1407
00:58:39,600 --> 00:58:40,601
- Yes.
- You ready?

1408
00:58:40,851 --> 00:58:42,436
- Yes.
- Go!

1409
00:58:42,519 --> 00:58:44,355
Marlon Brando, Alec Guinness,
William Holden,

1410
00:58:44,438 --> 00:58:48,651
Clark Gable, Gary Cooper,
Paul Muni, Frank Sinatra,

1411
00:58:48,901 --> 00:58:50,527
um...

1412
00:58:50,611 --> 00:58:52,238
Well, I don't think
there's any doubt about

1413
00:58:52,488 --> 00:58:54,281
the outcome here, uh,
Todd, what was the score?

1414
00:58:54,365 --> 00:58:56,533
[Todd] Let's see, uh,
Betty, uh, Ratazina

1415
00:58:56,617 --> 00:58:57,868
had just one correct,

1416
00:58:58,118 --> 00:58:59,870
Harriette Baime
had five correct.

1417
00:59:00,120 --> 00:59:04,416
Winner, still champion for
$3,500 and Buffalo Bill Vogel!

1418
00:59:05,167 --> 00:59:06,585
[Jon]
She reigned as champion

1419
00:59:06,835 --> 00:59:09,046
on Who Do You Trust?
from July 23rd

1420
00:59:09,296 --> 00:59:12,007
to August 7th, 1958.

1421
00:59:12,800 --> 00:59:15,636
Eric was born
on April 24th, 1959.

1422
00:59:15,886 --> 00:59:18,555
Go to whenwasIconceived.com,

1423
00:59:18,639 --> 00:59:22,893
conception date was July 28th
to August 5th, 1958.

1424
00:59:23,394 --> 00:59:25,938
It could have been the very day
she was on the game show

1425
00:59:26,021 --> 00:59:27,481
that I was conceived.

1426
00:59:27,564 --> 00:59:29,358
She could have come back
from the doctor's office,

1427
00:59:29,441 --> 00:59:30,818
and been
in such a great mood.

1428
00:59:31,068 --> 00:59:32,611
"Okay, Jonny, let's get--
let's get going here,

1429
00:59:32,695 --> 00:59:34,113
I'm gonna make
some money here."

1430
00:59:34,196 --> 00:59:36,323
My mother had two contests
she was doing.

1431
00:59:36,407 --> 00:59:39,994
One was winning $500 a day
on this game show.

1432
00:59:40,244 --> 00:59:42,079
And the other
was trying to get pregnant.

1433
00:59:42,871 --> 00:59:43,998
- Are you ready?
- Yes, I am.

1434
00:59:44,248 --> 00:59:45,708
Go.

1435
00:59:45,791 --> 00:59:47,418
[Jon] She took the heat
from my dad,

1436
00:59:47,668 --> 00:59:49,503
claiming that trying out for
and eventually competing

1437
00:59:49,586 --> 00:59:52,089
on a game show would,
of all things,

1438
00:59:52,172 --> 00:59:54,425
calm her down enough
to get her pregnant.

1439
00:59:54,508 --> 00:59:58,387
But as we know now,
the issue was with him.

1440
00:59:58,470 --> 01:00:00,431
[Rosanna] Actually,
there is studies about that.

1441
01:00:00,681 --> 01:00:06,145
The stigma of infertility
is often borne by the woman.

1442
01:00:06,228 --> 01:00:09,189
So, other people
will not question

1443
01:00:09,440 --> 01:00:11,608
his virility, his masculinity.

1444
01:00:11,692 --> 01:00:14,320
This was a time
before in vitro fertilization.

1445
01:00:14,570 --> 01:00:16,530
This was a time
before egg donation,

1446
01:00:16,780 --> 01:00:18,073
sperm donation,

1447
01:00:18,324 --> 01:00:21,410
before you could pick your donor
out of a book.

1448
01:00:21,493 --> 01:00:24,580
How would the medical community
handle a situation like this,

1449
01:00:24,663 --> 01:00:29,543
before 1990 or 1980,
or even 1970?

1450
01:00:29,626 --> 01:00:31,920
[Jon]
Let's take a trip to an OB-GYN

1451
01:00:32,171 --> 01:00:35,007
in the summer of 1958
as a fly on the wall.

1452
01:00:35,799 --> 01:00:38,802
We'll be joined by a couple
with male fertility issues,

1453
01:00:39,053 --> 01:00:41,013
just like my parents.

1454
01:00:42,181 --> 01:00:43,682
The procedure is simple.

1455
01:00:43,932 --> 01:00:46,352
You'll be out of the office
in about half an hour.

1456
01:00:46,602 --> 01:00:48,645
And then you can do
any activities.

1457
01:00:49,188 --> 01:00:50,981
Even be on the TV game show.

1458
01:00:51,690 --> 01:00:53,317
[Jon] I envisioned
three scenarios,

1459
01:00:53,400 --> 01:00:56,195
since I'm not asking
my dad about this.

1460
01:00:56,278 --> 01:00:59,490
Maybe my parents
went there together.

1461
01:00:59,573 --> 01:01:00,949
Maybe my mom went alone.

1462
01:01:01,784 --> 01:01:04,495
Or maybe the whole consultation
was done by phone.

1463
01:01:05,371 --> 01:01:06,830
One thing is certain.

1464
01:01:07,081 --> 01:01:09,625
Today, we have
the benefit of hindsight,

1465
01:01:09,875 --> 01:01:13,212
to know what medical science
might have missed back then.

1466
01:01:14,213 --> 01:01:16,507
There is no way anyone
could figure this out,

1467
01:01:16,757 --> 01:01:18,092
so it's for the best,

1468
01:01:18,175 --> 01:01:20,302
never say anything
to the child about this.

1469
01:01:20,386 --> 01:01:23,472
After the procedure,
go home and forget about it.

1470
01:01:25,224 --> 01:01:26,558
Tell no one.

1471
01:01:26,809 --> 01:01:28,435
No one. No one.

1472
01:01:28,519 --> 01:01:29,770
Tell no one.

1473
01:01:30,521 --> 01:01:31,855
It was not run
by the hospital,

1474
01:01:32,106 --> 01:01:33,982
it was not run
by the medical school.

1475
01:01:34,066 --> 01:01:37,319
Uh, it was a resource
used by any physician

1476
01:01:37,403 --> 01:01:39,071
in midtown Manhattan.

1477
01:01:39,154 --> 01:01:40,948
East side, west side,
it didn't matter.

1478
01:01:41,198 --> 01:01:43,450
I think the doctor
would probably explain

1479
01:01:43,534 --> 01:01:46,286
that you would be
the legal parents to that child.

1480
01:01:46,537 --> 01:01:48,038
For all intents and purposes,

1481
01:01:48,122 --> 01:01:50,082
the father of the child
will be your husband.

1482
01:01:50,165 --> 01:01:51,750
His name will be
on the birth certificate,

1483
01:01:52,000 --> 01:01:53,502
he'll help raise the child

1484
01:01:53,585 --> 01:01:55,379
and make decisions
for the child's well-being.

1485
01:01:55,963 --> 01:01:59,758
In the '50s, in the '60s,
there was only fresh sperm,

1486
01:02:00,008 --> 01:02:03,220
and the way
in which doctors found donors

1487
01:02:03,303 --> 01:02:05,514
was the expectation
that they would use

1488
01:02:05,764 --> 01:02:07,224
their medical students.

1489
01:02:07,307 --> 01:02:09,059
One of the residents,
usually a third-year,

1490
01:02:09,309 --> 01:02:11,353
had a little spiral notebook,

1491
01:02:11,437 --> 01:02:14,690
and we were called
on the obstetrical service.

1492
01:02:15,190 --> 01:02:17,860
Dr. So-and-So needs
a sperm specimen

1493
01:02:17,943 --> 01:02:20,362
at ten o'clock,
two o'clock, whenever,

1494
01:02:20,446 --> 01:02:21,822
because
that was when the patient

1495
01:02:22,072 --> 01:02:24,158
who was tracking
her menstrual cycle

1496
01:02:24,408 --> 01:02:25,826
would be the most fertile,

1497
01:02:26,076 --> 01:02:28,203
and would show up
in his office for a donation.

1498
01:02:28,454 --> 01:02:30,247
So, you want a Jewish donor?

1499
01:02:30,956 --> 01:02:32,749
Well, good.
That'll be easy.

1500
01:02:33,876 --> 01:02:37,337
Your husband has brown eyes,
dark hair.

1501
01:02:37,421 --> 01:02:38,839
We'll look for that.

1502
01:02:39,089 --> 01:02:43,135
They attempted
to match donors to the fathers,

1503
01:02:43,218 --> 01:02:45,804
on a set of characteristics,

1504
01:02:46,054 --> 01:02:48,891
for instance,
eye color, skin tones,

1505
01:02:48,974 --> 01:02:51,059
um, some things
that were not genetic,

1506
01:02:51,143 --> 01:02:52,769
which were similar
to the adoption world.

1507
01:02:52,853 --> 01:02:56,064
Religion was one,
because there was this idea

1508
01:02:56,315 --> 01:02:58,484
that all Jews
are similar to one another,

1509
01:02:58,734 --> 01:02:59,693
et cetera, et cetera.

1510
01:02:59,943 --> 01:03:00,986
Okay, then.

1511
01:03:01,236 --> 01:03:02,529
We'll have
everything arranged,

1512
01:03:02,613 --> 01:03:05,240
so we'll see you
next Thursday at 11:30.

1513
01:03:07,159 --> 01:03:08,911
You were able
to take the specimen

1514
01:03:08,994 --> 01:03:11,788
and go down to the--
Mount Sinai's entrance

1515
01:03:11,872 --> 01:03:15,292
underneath the awning,
hailing a cab,

1516
01:03:15,375 --> 01:03:17,586
giving the specimen
in a paper bag,

1517
01:03:17,669 --> 01:03:20,297
and saying
"Take this to Dr. X's office,

1518
01:03:20,380 --> 01:03:23,008
he needs this specimen
by such and such a time."

1519
01:03:23,258 --> 01:03:26,970
So they never passed
in the same room, even,

1520
01:03:27,054 --> 01:03:30,057
or were in the same clinic
at the same time.

1521
01:03:30,140 --> 01:03:32,351
It was so covert,

1522
01:03:32,434 --> 01:03:35,020
but when the moms tell me
this story,

1523
01:03:35,103 --> 01:03:36,813
they're so nonchalant
about it.

1524
01:03:36,897 --> 01:03:38,357
It's-- it's like
they're goin' out

1525
01:03:38,440 --> 01:03:40,108
and buying
a pair of shoes or something.

1526
01:03:40,359 --> 01:03:43,153
Took the train,
went to the doctor,

1527
01:03:43,403 --> 01:03:46,573
stayed there about a half hour,
took the train and went home.

1528
01:03:46,823 --> 01:03:48,242
- Did you have any fear?
- No.

1529
01:03:48,492 --> 01:03:49,910
Why? Why did you have no fear?

1530
01:03:50,160 --> 01:03:51,537
Well, why should I be afraid?

1531
01:03:51,620 --> 01:03:53,163
If it worked, it worked.
If it didn't, it didn't.

1532
01:03:53,247 --> 01:03:55,582
I went on a train downtown,
I worked at night

1533
01:03:55,666 --> 01:03:58,001
when I used to go downtown,
nobody knows what you're doing,

1534
01:03:58,085 --> 01:03:59,545
- where you're going.
- [Jon] Right.

1535
01:03:59,795 --> 01:04:02,297
We just did it out
of the goodness of our heart,

1536
01:04:02,548 --> 01:04:04,299
if you wanna
look at it that way.

1537
01:04:04,383 --> 01:04:07,970
And the best way, I think,
to look at it is,

1538
01:04:08,053 --> 01:04:10,097
it's the same
as a blood transfusion.

1539
01:04:10,180 --> 01:04:11,598
And they went on
with their life.

1540
01:04:11,682 --> 01:04:14,351
"I now have my three kids,
I am relieved.

1541
01:04:14,434 --> 01:04:17,437
I don't have to worry about
fertility issues and doctors

1542
01:04:17,688 --> 01:04:20,482
and everything else,
and we can worry about

1543
01:04:20,566 --> 01:04:23,819
raising good,
upholding citizens."

1544
01:04:24,069 --> 01:04:25,404
- [camera whirring]
- [lullaby playing]

1545
01:04:25,487 --> 01:04:27,197
[Jon]
After a three-year absence,

1546
01:04:27,281 --> 01:04:30,200
the cameras in my parents'
world started rolling again.

1547
01:04:30,450 --> 01:04:33,662
First scene, Harriette displays
her pregnant self.

1548
01:04:34,913 --> 01:04:37,541
Next scene, images of her
with the grand prize

1549
01:04:37,791 --> 01:04:40,544
from that other contest
she was partaking in

1550
01:04:40,627 --> 01:04:42,921
during her stint
on a Who Do You Trust.

1551
01:04:49,177 --> 01:04:50,596
By the end of 2019,

1552
01:04:50,846 --> 01:04:53,265
I feel like I'm living a tale
of two genetics.

1553
01:04:53,724 --> 01:04:56,977
In Florida, my mom's dementia's
getting worse,

1554
01:04:57,227 --> 01:04:58,812
and she's getting weaker,

1555
01:04:58,895 --> 01:05:00,814
and my dad
is feeling more alone.

1556
01:05:01,064 --> 01:05:03,150
Meanwhile, in Las Vegas,

1557
01:05:03,400 --> 01:05:05,611
Hesh is planning
for his annual date harvest.

1558
01:05:05,861 --> 01:05:07,487
[big band music playing]

1559
01:05:07,571 --> 01:05:09,281
[Jon]
The female medjool date trees

1560
01:05:09,364 --> 01:05:11,533
in his desert garden
are ripe for picking.

1561
01:05:11,783 --> 01:05:14,494
He sends a box of dates
to each donor kid,

1562
01:05:14,578 --> 01:05:18,332
enclosed with a note explaining
a little about the mating ritual

1563
01:05:18,415 --> 01:05:21,418
of the female date trees
and the male date trees.

1564
01:05:21,501 --> 01:05:23,462
Boy, it rings familiar.

1565
01:05:24,212 --> 01:05:25,881
[Hesh]

1566
01:05:44,816 --> 01:05:46,526
[Jon] While Hesh
is busy sharing the wisdom

1567
01:05:46,777 --> 01:05:48,153
of date tree reproduction...

1568
01:05:48,403 --> 01:05:49,863
[phone ringing]

1569
01:05:50,113 --> 01:05:51,490
[Jon] I'm getting this
voice mail from my dad.

1570
01:05:51,573 --> 01:05:52,783
[Richard]

1571
01:05:55,118 --> 01:05:57,371
[Jon] That's code for,
"Come down here.

1572
01:05:57,454 --> 01:06:00,624
Time to show me you love me,
and make sure to say hello

1573
01:06:00,874 --> 01:06:02,250
as soon as
you enter the door."

1574
01:06:03,168 --> 01:06:05,545
Eric,
living just a few towns away,

1575
01:06:05,629 --> 01:06:07,381
visits several times a week.

1576
01:06:07,464 --> 01:06:08,548
And so far,

1577
01:06:08,799 --> 01:06:10,050
neither of us have slipped up

1578
01:06:10,300 --> 01:06:11,802
about knowing what we know.

1579
01:06:12,511 --> 01:06:15,806
But it's starting to seem that
Eric likes to push the limit.

1580
01:06:16,056 --> 01:06:18,934
So I would say to him,
"Oh, gee, you know,

1581
01:06:19,184 --> 01:06:20,852
I'm kind of worried
at my age,

1582
01:06:20,936 --> 01:06:23,772
I know that your mom had
glaucoma,

1583
01:06:23,855 --> 01:06:25,524
and that you have
hip problems.

1584
01:06:25,774 --> 01:06:26,775
I really worry about
this stuff."

1585
01:06:27,025 --> 01:06:28,485
Which I do, about that.

1586
01:06:28,568 --> 01:06:30,570
I want to see
if he might spill the beans,

1587
01:06:30,654 --> 01:06:32,030
or might say to me,

1588
01:06:32,114 --> 01:06:33,615
like I thought
he should have said,

1589
01:06:33,699 --> 01:06:34,825
"We need to have a chat."

1590
01:06:35,075 --> 01:06:37,202
[laughs] Yeah, yeah.

1591
01:06:37,452 --> 01:06:38,829
And then you woke up
from that fantasy.

1592
01:06:39,079 --> 01:06:39,913
Yeah, right, it was a fantasy,

1593
01:06:40,163 --> 01:06:41,748
but I was gonna give him
the benefit of the doubt.

1594
01:06:41,832 --> 01:06:43,125
So you were
giving him an opening.

1595
01:06:43,375 --> 01:06:44,793
- Giving him an opening.
- So what did he say to you?

1596
01:06:45,043 --> 01:06:46,712
Pretty much, "You don't need
to worry about that,

1597
01:06:46,962 --> 01:06:48,505
- it's not your gene pool.
- Okay.

1598
01:06:48,588 --> 01:06:50,340
- So he threw you a softball.
- He threw me a softball.

1599
01:06:50,424 --> 01:06:51,675
And now, you what--

1600
01:06:51,925 --> 01:06:53,510
you just stepped away
from the plate?

1601
01:06:53,593 --> 01:06:55,595
Well, I knew then that
he wasn't going to deal with it,

1602
01:06:55,679 --> 01:06:57,180
because that's what he does,
he gives you softballs.

1603
01:06:57,264 --> 01:06:58,682
If he doesn't want
to deal with an issue,

1604
01:06:58,765 --> 01:07:00,600
he steps away from it.

1605
01:07:00,684 --> 01:07:03,895
If I was to force the issue,
it would probably not end well.

1606
01:07:04,521 --> 01:07:07,691
[Jon] Then there was what I call
the Francine incident.

1607
01:07:07,941 --> 01:07:10,694
This was a lunch
with my dad's biological family.

1608
01:07:10,944 --> 01:07:13,071
It includes our cousins
on his side,

1609
01:07:13,155 --> 01:07:14,614
along with myself.

1610
01:07:14,865 --> 01:07:17,701
Also present,
my dad's cousin Francine.

1611
01:07:17,951 --> 01:07:19,953
[Eric] So I asked her,
I said "Francine,

1612
01:07:20,203 --> 01:07:22,164
doesn't Jon look
just like my dad used to look?

1613
01:07:22,414 --> 01:07:24,040
Isn't there
a resemblance there?"

1614
01:07:24,124 --> 01:07:26,042
So I was testing
her a little bit, too.

1615
01:07:26,126 --> 01:07:27,794
Seeing what--
does she know anything?

1616
01:07:27,878 --> 01:07:30,714
She did not know,
and nobody reacted to it.

1617
01:07:30,964 --> 01:07:32,507
Francine said, "Well, you know,

1618
01:07:32,591 --> 01:07:34,009
you were on the same level,
then, aren't you?"

1619
01:07:34,092 --> 01:07:36,052
And, which I--
obviously she didn't know.

1620
01:07:36,136 --> 01:07:38,346
- Yeah.
- And when she said that,

1621
01:07:38,430 --> 01:07:39,931
there was no reaction
from my dad.

1622
01:07:40,182 --> 01:07:41,808
So, at that point,

1623
01:07:42,058 --> 01:07:44,060
if-- if he's not reacting
to what she's saying,

1624
01:07:44,144 --> 01:07:45,896
this secret is down so deep,

1625
01:07:46,146 --> 01:07:47,564
we're down
by the center of the Earth here.

1626
01:07:47,814 --> 01:07:49,566
It was fun luncheon,
I thought, I enjoyed it.

1627
01:07:49,649 --> 01:07:51,943
[both laugh]

1628
01:07:52,527 --> 01:07:54,446
[Jon] If you think
there might be animosity

1629
01:07:54,529 --> 01:07:56,782
between Eric and my dad,
you're right.

1630
01:07:57,032 --> 01:07:59,117
Their relationship
was often tense,

1631
01:07:59,201 --> 01:08:01,203
from the time
he was in his late teens.

1632
01:08:01,828 --> 01:08:03,205
Not much to say, really,

1633
01:08:03,288 --> 01:08:05,749
just relaxing
and enjoying myself.

1634
01:08:05,832 --> 01:08:08,168
[indistinct] Look, cool. It.

1635
01:08:09,878 --> 01:08:11,963
[Jon]
Richard Baime is a man's man,

1636
01:08:12,047 --> 01:08:13,715
he's into the Yankees,

1637
01:08:13,965 --> 01:08:15,967
the country club lifestyle,
golfing, and business.

1638
01:08:16,051 --> 01:08:17,886
He pals around with his
buddies.

1639
01:08:17,969 --> 01:08:20,055
While he was down
fighting for our country,

1640
01:08:20,305 --> 01:08:22,557
I was home
taking care of the girls.

1641
01:08:22,808 --> 01:08:23,975
Yeah. Yes.

1642
01:08:24,226 --> 01:08:25,185
[man] Yeah, that's good,
that's a good job.

1643
01:08:25,435 --> 01:08:26,895
I'm reading a very scary book.

1644
01:08:27,604 --> 01:08:28,980
[Richard] What's it called?

1645
01:08:29,064 --> 01:08:30,440
It's called--
it's by H.P. Lovecraft,

1646
01:08:30,690 --> 01:08:32,150
and it's called
The Case of Charles Dexter Ward.

1647
01:08:32,234 --> 01:08:33,610
[Richard]
Uh, uh, uh, uh, that's--

1648
01:08:33,693 --> 01:08:35,904
I love it. Very scary book.

1649
01:08:36,154 --> 01:08:38,657
[Jon] Their personalities
are light years apart,

1650
01:08:38,907 --> 01:08:42,327
maybe an uncomfortable reminder
that Eric just wasn't like him.

1651
01:08:42,410 --> 01:08:44,204
[Richard] I just wanted
to tell all of you...

1652
01:08:44,287 --> 01:08:46,540
- [Eric] Thanks, Papa.
- ...how happy Harry and I are,

1653
01:08:46,790 --> 01:08:49,334
to have you all here
to share our happiness.

1654
01:08:49,876 --> 01:08:52,087
[Jon] At Eric's first wedding,
in 1987,

1655
01:08:52,337 --> 01:08:54,381
my dad makes a toast,

1656
01:08:54,464 --> 01:08:56,800
and suddenly refers
to fathering three boys.

1657
01:08:56,883 --> 01:08:59,052
I'm not--
what I wanna tell ya,

1658
01:08:59,135 --> 01:09:01,555
that knowing
the Baime genealogy,

1659
01:09:01,805 --> 01:09:03,557
that the bris
is gonna be in Florida.

1660
01:09:03,807 --> 01:09:06,309
[indistinct]
in central Florida.

1661
01:09:06,393 --> 01:09:08,103
[attendees cheering]

1662
01:09:08,353 --> 01:09:11,022
[Jon] His joke is a hit
amongst his audience of 150,

1663
01:09:11,106 --> 01:09:14,109
but it has as much sincerity
as Eric's first marriage,

1664
01:09:14,359 --> 01:09:17,988
which, after having two kids,
ended in divorce.

1665
01:09:18,071 --> 01:09:20,448
Don't get close, Jonathan,
[indistinct].

1666
01:09:23,660 --> 01:09:25,996
[news program theme playing]

1667
01:09:26,246 --> 01:09:28,874
[announcer] The COVID-19,
or coronavirus,

1668
01:09:29,124 --> 01:09:31,751
is spreading quickly
throughout the United States,

1669
01:09:32,002 --> 01:09:33,920
as well as around the world.

1670
01:09:34,671 --> 01:09:37,757
[Jon] By the time COVID
grabs hold of the world in 2020,

1671
01:09:38,008 --> 01:09:40,844
frequent visits that used to
look like this

1672
01:09:41,094 --> 01:09:42,596
are reduced to this.

1673
01:09:42,679 --> 01:09:44,472
- I'm still here!
- Yeah.

1674
01:09:44,556 --> 01:09:45,765
Yes.

1675
01:09:45,849 --> 01:09:47,684
I don't know for what purpose,
but I'm still here.

1676
01:09:48,143 --> 01:09:50,937
He has lost a lot of
his personal touch with his--

1677
01:09:51,187 --> 01:09:52,188
his older friends.

1678
01:09:52,272 --> 01:09:53,690
You know,
we make 'em wash their hands

1679
01:09:53,773 --> 01:09:54,900
when they come in, or...

1680
01:09:54,983 --> 01:09:56,693
[Jon] In June,
at the year and a half point

1681
01:09:56,943 --> 01:09:58,111
since we found out,

1682
01:09:58,361 --> 01:09:59,571
David remains ignorant

1683
01:09:59,654 --> 01:10:01,740
that he's likely
donor-conceived.

1684
01:10:02,449 --> 01:10:04,117
That will soon change.

1685
01:10:04,367 --> 01:10:08,955
...new symptom, or have you had
any of these two symptoms?

1686
01:10:09,039 --> 01:10:11,333
[Jon] My parents'
advanced ages requires them

1687
01:10:11,416 --> 01:10:13,418
to quarantine from the virus,
at home.

1688
01:10:15,420 --> 01:10:18,340
Neither will ever
contract the disease,

1689
01:10:18,423 --> 01:10:21,384
but 2020 will be the year
that they both die.

1690
01:10:24,137 --> 01:10:26,598
The face of death
can be quite grim,

1691
01:10:26,681 --> 01:10:28,391
but there's something
really beautiful here.

1692
01:10:29,184 --> 01:10:30,852
Loyalty and love from a man

1693
01:10:31,102 --> 01:10:34,272
whose wife can still bring
a little comfort to her husband.

1694
01:10:35,523 --> 01:10:39,361
Hours later, my mom dies first,
with my dad at her side.

1695
01:10:40,528 --> 01:10:41,571
She's 89.

1696
01:10:45,742 --> 01:10:48,036
My dad never wanted
to put my mom

1697
01:10:48,286 --> 01:10:49,913
in a memory care facility.

1698
01:10:50,163 --> 01:10:54,626
He always said that she stuck
with him through his hard times,

1699
01:10:54,709 --> 01:10:58,129
so he was gonna stick with her
through her hard times.

1700
01:10:58,672 --> 01:11:00,715
That's his way
of keeping his word.

1701
01:11:00,966 --> 01:11:03,802
And maybe, also
his way of keeping the secret.

1702
01:11:03,885 --> 01:11:05,887
[salsa music playing]

1703
01:11:06,680 --> 01:11:09,933
[Jon] In a way, their agreement
to do donor conception

1704
01:11:10,016 --> 01:11:11,768
was this kind of delicate
dance.

1705
01:11:12,477 --> 01:11:14,437
I wonder,
would she have left him

1706
01:11:14,521 --> 01:11:16,648
if he didn't agree
to a sperm donor?

1707
01:11:17,357 --> 01:11:18,525
She had the leverage.

1708
01:11:18,775 --> 01:11:20,527
The family money
was mostly hers.

1709
01:11:20,777 --> 01:11:22,862
And his problem would follow
him wherever he went.

1710
01:11:24,322 --> 01:11:26,491
They were
two very different people.

1711
01:11:26,574 --> 01:11:28,618
My mom had
an adventurous spirit.

1712
01:11:28,868 --> 01:11:31,830
She loved to travel,
but had to force him along.

1713
01:11:32,372 --> 01:11:33,873
He was more subdued.

1714
01:11:33,957 --> 01:11:35,417
He'd rather stay
close to home,

1715
01:11:35,500 --> 01:11:36,668
and spend time
on the golf course.

1716
01:11:37,419 --> 01:11:41,381
But there was one place
he would go without hesitation.

1717
01:11:41,464 --> 01:11:42,674
[klezmer music playing]

1718
01:11:42,757 --> 01:11:44,843
Israel. They both loved it.

1719
01:11:45,093 --> 01:11:46,970
Making numerous trips
over the years.

1720
01:11:48,304 --> 01:11:50,765
Their must-see spot
was the Wailing Wall.

1721
01:11:51,016 --> 01:11:52,600
I suppose, in a way,
it's fitting.

1722
01:11:53,184 --> 01:11:57,022
But it's also one of the most
sacred spots in Judaism.

1723
01:11:57,105 --> 01:11:58,189
There's a tradition there.

1724
01:11:58,440 --> 01:11:59,774
People will write notes

1725
01:12:00,025 --> 01:12:01,818
and squeeze them
in between the walls' crevices.

1726
01:12:02,569 --> 01:12:05,530
Wishes, prayers,
people's names, anything.

1727
01:12:05,613 --> 01:12:08,241
Some believe
it's a direct connection to God.

1728
01:12:08,825 --> 01:12:11,828
My mom put a unique spin
on that tradition.

1729
01:12:12,328 --> 01:12:15,540
She would write letters
to her deceased parents,

1730
01:12:15,790 --> 01:12:17,459
and she would place them
in the wall.

1731
01:12:18,460 --> 01:12:21,004
Harriette was eccentric
that way.

1732
01:12:21,254 --> 01:12:23,506
I mean,
she was using the wall

1733
01:12:23,757 --> 01:12:26,551
as a patch cord
to plug her letters in.

1734
01:12:27,177 --> 01:12:29,345
So she could touch base
with her mom and dad.

1735
01:12:31,014 --> 01:12:32,766
[solemn piano music playing]

1736
01:12:33,016 --> 01:12:36,227
[Jon] After my mom's death,
my dad is miserable.

1737
01:12:36,311 --> 01:12:39,355
His mobility is limited,
he wants to die.

1738
01:12:39,439 --> 01:12:42,025
At the same time,
he's scared of death,

1739
01:12:42,108 --> 01:12:43,651
and that's a hard place to be.

1740
01:12:44,444 --> 01:12:47,572
He becomes a lot more,
um, prone to anger.

1741
01:12:48,573 --> 01:12:51,618
If something happens,
he tends to jump the handle,

1742
01:12:51,868 --> 01:12:54,579
uh, there's a lot--
a lotta-- a lotta tension,

1743
01:12:54,829 --> 01:12:56,956
and, um, it-- it--
it was really not--

1744
01:12:57,207 --> 01:12:58,458
not very pleasant.

1745
01:12:58,541 --> 01:12:59,876
With Mom not there,
and, you know,

1746
01:13:00,126 --> 01:13:02,378
this is his soulmate for life,

1747
01:13:02,462 --> 01:13:05,507
um, and I think he was--
he was-- knew it,

1748
01:13:05,590 --> 01:13:07,467
he was-- only had
a certain amount of time left.

1749
01:13:08,093 --> 01:13:10,053
[Jon] At this point,
every few weeks,

1750
01:13:10,136 --> 01:13:11,513
he's admitted to the hospital.

1751
01:13:12,180 --> 01:13:14,808
If it isn't trouble breathing,
then it's because he falls.

1752
01:13:15,517 --> 01:13:17,060
The trips are exhausting,

1753
01:13:17,143 --> 01:13:18,686
and put him at risk
of getting COVID.

1754
01:13:19,562 --> 01:13:22,232
We have an idea. Hospice.

1755
01:13:22,315 --> 01:13:25,401
That would allow him to receive
all medical treatment from home.

1756
01:13:26,361 --> 01:13:28,780
He liked the idea first,
and then did not like it

1757
01:13:28,863 --> 01:13:30,573
for some reason,
all of a sudden.

1758
01:13:30,824 --> 01:13:32,492
Sometimes things
would just trigger in his head,

1759
01:13:32,742 --> 01:13:35,036
and he would just say something,
and one of them was,

1760
01:13:35,286 --> 01:13:37,205
you know, "The hospice idea
is a horrible idea, you're--

1761
01:13:37,288 --> 01:13:38,414
you're-- you're trying
to kill me off,"

1762
01:13:38,498 --> 01:13:41,042
or something to that effect.

1763
01:13:41,126 --> 01:13:44,295
[Eric] It's time now
to let David know,

1764
01:13:44,379 --> 01:13:46,089
there's some issues
you need to learn about Dad.

1765
01:13:46,339 --> 01:13:47,757
More than you know.

1766
01:13:48,007 --> 01:13:49,551
He needs to hear it,
he needs to hear the reality

1767
01:13:49,634 --> 01:13:52,178
and understand
not to be so upset about

1768
01:13:52,262 --> 01:13:54,139
what my dad was saying
to him in an--

1769
01:13:54,389 --> 01:13:55,932
in moments of anger
and frustration.

1770
01:13:57,225 --> 01:13:58,852
[Zoom call ringing]

1771
01:13:59,102 --> 01:14:00,311
[Jon] As you can tell
from David's sleepwear...

1772
01:14:00,395 --> 01:14:01,604
- Here you are!
- [David] Hello.

1773
01:14:01,688 --> 01:14:03,314
In your pajamas!

1774
01:14:03,398 --> 01:14:04,399
[Jon] ...we scheduled
the revealing Zoom call

1775
01:14:04,649 --> 01:14:05,650
for the morning.

1776
01:14:05,900 --> 01:14:07,068
So, here's the deal.

1777
01:14:07,152 --> 01:14:08,653
I'll just tell you
what I know,

1778
01:14:08,736 --> 01:14:10,113
and I'll tell you
how I know it,

1779
01:14:10,196 --> 01:14:11,781
and then you can ask
100,000 questions,

1780
01:14:12,031 --> 01:14:13,491
'cause you're going to.

1781
01:14:13,575 --> 01:14:16,244
Dick is not your
biological father, most likely.

1782
01:14:16,327 --> 01:14:17,495
He's not mine,
and he's not Eric's.

1783
01:14:17,579 --> 01:14:18,788
We're sure of that.

1784
01:14:19,038 --> 01:14:20,623
- What happened is...
- Wait a minute.

1785
01:14:20,874 --> 01:14:22,292
Am I having a dream?
I gotta wake up.

1786
01:14:22,542 --> 01:14:24,127
Little bit much there for you?

1787
01:14:24,377 --> 01:14:26,296
- Am I having a dream?
- [Jon] No.

1788
01:14:27,046 --> 01:14:28,256
[Eric] This is real.

1789
01:14:28,339 --> 01:14:29,757
[Jon] I explain it all.

1790
01:14:30,008 --> 01:14:31,801
The test, the Hesh,
the bio siblings.

1791
01:14:32,051 --> 01:14:33,636
That we call Dad Asterisk.

1792
01:14:33,887 --> 01:14:35,847
David is quickly
brought up to speed.

1793
01:14:35,930 --> 01:14:37,599
But we--
we all have a different father?

1794
01:14:37,682 --> 01:14:38,850
[Eric] We all have
a different father.

1795
01:14:38,933 --> 01:14:41,394
- Uh, yes.
- [David] I was surprised.

1796
01:14:41,477 --> 01:14:44,898
Um, I-- it was a little bit
of a-- a shock.

1797
01:14:45,148 --> 01:14:47,483
Uh, 'cause it wasn't like
I put everything all together,

1798
01:14:47,567 --> 01:14:49,319
and it was like "Oh, this--
that's why,"

1799
01:14:49,402 --> 01:14:50,945
or whatever.

1800
01:14:51,196 --> 01:14:52,906
It wasn't one of those moments.
It didn't bother me.

1801
01:14:53,156 --> 01:14:54,199
It doesn't bother you at all?

1802
01:14:54,699 --> 01:14:56,951
No.
It really doesn't bother me.

1803
01:14:57,035 --> 01:14:58,870
You know,
I put myself in those shoes,

1804
01:14:58,953 --> 01:15:00,330
my-- you know,
what would I do?

1805
01:15:00,580 --> 01:15:03,249
I-- I can see
their reason why they did it,

1806
01:15:03,333 --> 01:15:04,834
let's put it that way.

1807
01:15:05,084 --> 01:15:07,212
'Cause it just might ruin
their relationship with us,

1808
01:15:07,462 --> 01:15:10,131
or cause it to go in a way

1809
01:15:10,215 --> 01:15:11,758
that they
wouldn't have liked, so...

1810
01:15:12,008 --> 01:15:13,801
I do think it explains
some of his behaviors though.

1811
01:15:14,052 --> 01:15:18,223
In-- in how he-- he seemed
to treat us differently.

1812
01:15:18,473 --> 01:15:20,934
He was--
he was very sensitive about

1813
01:15:21,184 --> 01:15:24,646
some of the things we would do,
or not do towards him.

1814
01:15:24,729 --> 01:15:26,147
Well, that-- now
that you know what you know,

1815
01:15:26,231 --> 01:15:27,523
would you rather know
what you know,

1816
01:15:27,607 --> 01:15:28,775
or would you rather
just lived your life

1817
01:15:28,858 --> 01:15:29,776
in bli-- ignorant bliss?

1818
01:15:30,026 --> 01:15:30,944
It-- it's good to know.

1819
01:15:31,194 --> 01:15:32,695
[Jon] 'Cause you, and Eric...

1820
01:15:32,946 --> 01:15:34,530
[David] You know, maybe--
maybe it does help explain it.

1821
01:15:34,614 --> 01:15:37,450
Maybe I-- I can understand
from his perspective.

1822
01:15:37,533 --> 01:15:39,661
That I've got nine.

1823
01:15:40,370 --> 01:15:41,704
[David]
I understand what they did,

1824
01:15:41,955 --> 01:15:43,248
and-- and why
they kept it a secret,

1825
01:15:43,498 --> 01:15:44,999
but as thing change in your--

1826
01:15:45,250 --> 01:15:47,585
people's lives,
and our relationship with them,

1827
01:15:47,669 --> 01:15:50,088
there could be, and in this case
I think there was,

1828
01:15:50,171 --> 01:15:54,384
a right time to say it to me,
and maybe to each of us.

1829
01:15:55,051 --> 01:15:57,553
[Jon] David agrees
not to say anything to our dad

1830
01:15:57,637 --> 01:15:59,264
for the short time he has left.

1831
01:15:59,806 --> 01:16:04,435
David also decides only to take
a DNA test after my dad dies.

1832
01:16:05,103 --> 01:16:07,689
But what if he takes one
and gets no matches?

1833
01:16:07,939 --> 01:16:09,274
He'll never know for sure

1834
01:16:09,524 --> 01:16:10,858
if Richard
is his biological father.

1835
01:16:11,442 --> 01:16:13,903
That's where
this paternity test comes in.

1836
01:16:14,153 --> 01:16:15,196
The plan?

1837
01:16:15,280 --> 01:16:16,739
Have my dad's cheek swabbed

1838
01:16:16,990 --> 01:16:18,700
near or at the time
of his death.

1839
01:16:18,950 --> 01:16:22,620
Then David will swab himself,
and submit the test.

1840
01:16:23,371 --> 01:16:26,165
Do you think if Dick died first,
and Mom didn't lose her mind,

1841
01:16:26,416 --> 01:16:27,709
do you think
she might have told us?

1842
01:16:27,959 --> 01:16:30,169
I just think
just knowing her personality,

1843
01:16:30,420 --> 01:16:31,713
and she's this very honest--

1844
01:16:31,963 --> 01:16:34,549
I don't think
she'd want to hide that from us,

1845
01:16:34,632 --> 01:16:35,883
if he'd passed away.

1846
01:16:35,967 --> 01:16:37,427
I don't know
how she would have felt,

1847
01:16:37,510 --> 01:16:39,721
not just sharing it with us
as children,

1848
01:16:39,804 --> 01:16:41,014
but that would've gotten out

1849
01:16:41,264 --> 01:16:44,100
to all the aunts
and uncles and cousins.

1850
01:16:44,183 --> 01:16:45,601
Which-- would she have
wanted to do that?

1851
01:16:46,477 --> 01:16:48,021
You know,
I don't see it happening.

1852
01:16:48,104 --> 01:16:51,357
She might have,
if we confronted her,

1853
01:16:51,441 --> 01:16:53,484
together,
and she was in her right mind,

1854
01:16:53,568 --> 01:16:55,445
you know, again,
I'm giving you 25 ifs here.

1855
01:16:58,031 --> 01:16:59,490
[Jon] After my mom dies,

1856
01:16:59,574 --> 01:17:01,743
my mind starts working
differently.

1857
01:17:01,826 --> 01:17:03,911
I wonder,
not what the driving force is

1858
01:17:04,162 --> 01:17:05,830
behind keeping the secret,

1859
01:17:06,080 --> 01:17:07,749
but what was it
that brought them

1860
01:17:07,832 --> 01:17:09,417
to donor conception?

1861
01:17:11,210 --> 01:17:12,545
[Jon] A huge decision

1862
01:17:12,795 --> 01:17:14,547
for any hopeful parent
at the time.

1863
01:17:14,630 --> 01:17:17,300
They regularly showed up a lot
during the holidays, right?

1864
01:17:17,383 --> 01:17:22,013
[Jon] One very much about them,
because we didn't exist yet.

1865
01:17:22,764 --> 01:17:26,392
Uh, I don't think I could live
without having a baby.

1866
01:17:26,976 --> 01:17:29,604
Just let it cool off
a minute.

1867
01:17:29,854 --> 01:17:32,273
[Mark] I was struck by,
your reaction too was

1868
01:17:32,357 --> 01:17:33,941
how badly
you wanted to have a child.

1869
01:17:34,192 --> 01:17:35,485
But yo--
for you it seemed like,

1870
01:17:35,568 --> 01:17:37,737
something
much deeper than that.

1871
01:17:37,987 --> 01:17:40,406
- It was, it was. It was.
- What was behind that?

1872
01:17:40,490 --> 01:17:42,325
I don't know,
I just felt I couldn't--

1873
01:17:42,408 --> 01:17:43,951
not live
if I didn't have a child.

1874
01:17:44,202 --> 01:17:45,703
It was just crazy.

1875
01:17:45,787 --> 01:17:47,497
Would you ever
want to meet her--

1876
01:17:47,580 --> 01:17:49,290
Sharon's biological father?

1877
01:17:49,374 --> 01:17:51,250
I would have loved to!
I'd do it in a minute.

1878
01:17:51,501 --> 01:17:53,127
- Really?
- Yes, why not?

1879
01:17:53,211 --> 01:17:54,545
I'd love to.

1880
01:17:54,629 --> 01:17:56,589
I'd-- I'd say,
"Thank you for doing this

1881
01:17:56,839 --> 01:17:58,549
to help people like me."

1882
01:17:58,633 --> 01:18:00,551
- Oh, I would thank him.
- [Jon] You would?

1883
01:18:00,802 --> 01:18:01,886
Oh, yes.

1884
01:18:02,136 --> 01:18:04,597
He gave me
this beautiful, smart,

1885
01:18:04,847 --> 01:18:06,516
accomplished woman.

1886
01:18:06,766 --> 01:18:08,518
No one else could give me her.

1887
01:18:08,601 --> 01:18:10,144
Well, why don't we tell him?

1888
01:18:11,270 --> 01:18:12,563
[Zoom call ringing]

1889
01:18:12,814 --> 01:18:14,190
[Doris] Well,
will I be able to see him?

1890
01:18:14,273 --> 01:18:15,566
- [Hesh] Hello.
- [Laura] Oh.

1891
01:18:15,650 --> 01:18:16,901
[Jon] Is that you, Hesh?
There you go.

1892
01:18:17,151 --> 01:18:20,571
[Laura] Yes, Hesh. Hey.
Hey, how are you?

1893
01:18:20,655 --> 01:18:22,573
Hesh, this is my mom, Doris.

1894
01:18:22,657 --> 01:18:24,409
Hi, Hesh.

1895
01:18:24,659 --> 01:18:26,494
- Pleased to meet you, Doris.
- It's a pleasure to meet you.

1896
01:18:26,744 --> 01:18:29,080
And-- and I want to thank you.

1897
01:18:29,163 --> 01:18:30,581
- Because I have...
- [Hesh] Well--

1898
01:18:30,665 --> 01:18:33,334
...the most wonderful
young woman

1899
01:18:33,418 --> 01:18:35,920
- that I could ever have.
- [Laura laughs]

1900
01:18:36,170 --> 01:18:37,588
And I-- and I'm grateful.

1901
01:18:37,672 --> 01:18:39,048
You--

1902
01:18:39,298 --> 01:18:40,591
That's wonderful feedback,
isn't it?

1903
01:18:40,842 --> 01:18:45,680
Yes, it is.
But you did a wonderful thing.

1904
01:18:45,930 --> 01:18:48,933
You-- I-- I appreciate
your compliments.

1905
01:18:49,183 --> 01:18:51,102
- Thank you.
- Well, I thank you.

1906
01:18:51,185 --> 01:18:52,812
Wait-- the best part.

1907
01:18:53,062 --> 01:18:54,647
Hesh, tell her how much
you got paid for your donation.

1908
01:18:54,897 --> 01:18:57,150
- Five dollars.
- [Doris] Oh, my God.

1909
01:18:57,400 --> 01:18:59,652
- I would pay you anything now.
- [Laura] Aw.

1910
01:18:59,902 --> 01:19:01,279
For Laura.

1911
01:19:01,362 --> 01:19:04,198
- So... [laughs]
- Very nice to meet you.

1912
01:19:04,282 --> 01:19:06,367
[Doris] Very nice
to meet you too, Margie.

1913
01:19:06,451 --> 01:19:07,702
Isn't this something?

1914
01:19:07,952 --> 01:19:08,786
We never thought
we would meet you!

1915
01:19:09,036 --> 01:19:10,413
[all laugh]

1916
01:19:10,663 --> 01:19:13,249
[Doris] Well,
I'm-- I'm so grateful.

1917
01:19:13,332 --> 01:19:14,959
- [Margie] Yeah.
- It's not just a child,

1918
01:19:15,209 --> 01:19:16,627
it's a wonderful child.

1919
01:19:16,878 --> 01:19:20,214
Who has given me
three fabulous grandchildren,

1920
01:19:20,465 --> 01:19:22,717
who you would be very proud of.

1921
01:19:22,967 --> 01:19:25,803
- That's terrific.
- [Doris] It is!

1922
01:19:26,053 --> 01:19:27,889
- [Laura] All right? All right.
- [Jon] Thanks, Hesh.

1923
01:19:27,972 --> 01:19:29,182
- [Laura] Bye, Hesh.
- [Doris] Bye, Hesh.

1924
01:19:29,432 --> 01:19:30,850
- [Hesh] Bye-bye.
- Isn't he handsome?

1925
01:19:30,933 --> 01:19:32,768
- Yes, he's very handsome.
- [Laura] He's 89.

1926
01:19:32,852 --> 01:19:34,187
See his teeth, Jon?

1927
01:19:34,437 --> 01:19:35,313
- [Doris] Yeah, you--
- [Laura] They're real!

1928
01:19:35,396 --> 01:19:36,481
[Jon] They're awesome.

1929
01:19:38,566 --> 01:19:41,027
[Laura] I am so grateful
that she did what she did,

1930
01:19:41,277 --> 01:19:42,445
otherwise I wouldn't be here.

1931
01:19:42,695 --> 01:19:43,654
[Doris]
We love each other. I mean--

1932
01:19:43,738 --> 01:19:44,822
[Laura] Yeah, I love my mom.

1933
01:19:45,907 --> 01:19:48,409
When someone's desperate
to have a child,

1934
01:19:48,493 --> 01:19:50,328
and you are that person,

1935
01:19:50,411 --> 01:19:52,497
that has to make you feel good,
it has to make you feel special,

1936
01:19:52,747 --> 01:19:54,957
and-- and yeah, I've always felt
my mother's love

1937
01:19:55,208 --> 01:19:57,793
from the time
I was a baby till now.

1938
01:19:58,753 --> 01:20:00,588
[Jon] Just like
those other parents,

1939
01:20:00,671 --> 01:20:03,132
mine really wanted babies.

1940
01:20:03,716 --> 01:20:05,510
They were young,

1941
01:20:05,593 --> 01:20:07,929
struggling how to get the kids
they desperately wanted.

1942
01:20:08,513 --> 01:20:09,805
It's that simple.

1943
01:20:09,889 --> 01:20:12,099
And as far as the secrecy goes

1944
01:20:12,350 --> 01:20:15,728
and the effect it possibly had
on our dad's relationship,

1945
01:20:15,978 --> 01:20:17,897
well, like it or not,

1946
01:20:18,147 --> 01:20:20,816
my parents were just following
doctors' orders.

1947
01:20:23,069 --> 01:20:25,780
Maybe it was as much
a prescription for us kids

1948
01:20:26,030 --> 01:20:27,240
as it was for them.

1949
01:20:28,241 --> 01:20:32,537
Now, that world at that point
was shrouded in secrecy

1950
01:20:32,787 --> 01:20:35,748
and shame and in anonymity.

1951
01:20:36,582 --> 01:20:39,168
There was no understanding that

1952
01:20:39,252 --> 01:20:42,129
knowing your
genetic origins mattered,

1953
01:20:42,380 --> 01:20:44,382
or knowing that the person

1954
01:20:44,465 --> 01:20:47,718
you thought was your social
and biological father

1955
01:20:47,802 --> 01:20:48,928
was only your social father.

1956
01:20:49,178 --> 01:20:50,930
Today, the belief is that

1957
01:20:51,180 --> 01:20:53,599
you should tell children that--
that they were donor conceived,

1958
01:20:53,683 --> 01:20:55,768
and you should do it early on.

1959
01:20:59,355 --> 01:21:01,983
[Jon] In December 2020,
I visit my dad

1960
01:21:02,066 --> 01:21:04,026
for what I know
is the final time.

1961
01:21:05,486 --> 01:21:08,281
He's weak, and completely
dependent on his aide.

1962
01:21:09,699 --> 01:21:11,659
But mentally, he's all there.

1963
01:21:11,909 --> 01:21:14,537
He even starts
calling people to say goodbye.

1964
01:21:14,620 --> 01:21:16,330
...a little less, prior.

1965
01:21:17,498 --> 01:21:18,583
Okay.

1966
01:21:19,542 --> 01:21:22,503
That week,
we watch some football together,

1967
01:21:22,753 --> 01:21:26,424
we watch movies,
we have ice cream at night.

1968
01:21:26,507 --> 01:21:27,550
It's-- it's nice.

1969
01:21:27,800 --> 01:21:29,885
[solemn string music playing]

1970
01:21:31,887 --> 01:21:33,472
[Jon] When saying goodbye

1971
01:21:33,556 --> 01:21:35,474
for what we both know
is the last time,

1972
01:21:35,558 --> 01:21:37,768
I ask if there's anything else
he wants to tell me.

1973
01:21:39,478 --> 01:21:40,563
"Nope," he says.

1974
01:21:41,856 --> 01:21:44,317
I'm not sure
what else I expect him to say,

1975
01:21:44,400 --> 01:21:46,986
but I thank him
for being my dad, and leave.

1976
01:21:48,738 --> 01:21:50,406
[nurse] Anything hurting?

1977
01:21:53,159 --> 01:21:54,493
[Jon] Four days later,

1978
01:21:54,744 --> 01:21:56,370
David is at his side
when he dies.

1979
01:21:57,872 --> 01:21:59,874
And about that paternity test?

1980
01:21:59,957 --> 01:22:02,501
The samples are swabbed,
and in the mail.

1981
01:22:07,214 --> 01:22:09,091
[gentle guitar music playing]

1982
01:22:11,344 --> 01:22:13,929
[Jon] Do you think he knew?
That we knew?

1983
01:22:14,013 --> 01:22:15,556
Do you think he went
to his grave,

1984
01:22:15,640 --> 01:22:17,558
like, knowing,
or do you think he just was--

1985
01:22:17,642 --> 01:22:19,018
would think about it,
and then say,

1986
01:22:19,268 --> 01:22:20,936
"I-- I don't want
to think about this anymore."

1987
01:22:21,020 --> 01:22:22,730
[Eric] I think, uh, he did not
want to think about it,

1988
01:22:22,980 --> 01:22:24,982
he-- he suspected it,
I'm sure he suspected it.

1989
01:22:27,401 --> 01:22:28,819
- Hello?
- [Eric] Hello!

1990
01:22:28,903 --> 01:22:30,321
Good to see you,
you had a good trip?

1991
01:22:30,404 --> 01:22:31,405
Very good trip.

1992
01:22:31,656 --> 01:22:32,531
[Jon] David's paternity test

1993
01:22:32,782 --> 01:22:34,367
comes back as no surprise,

1994
01:22:34,450 --> 01:22:37,036
resulting in a 0% probability
of paternity

1995
01:22:37,286 --> 01:22:38,954
between him and our dad.

1996
01:22:39,038 --> 01:22:40,581
You think
we did the right thing,

1997
01:22:40,665 --> 01:22:41,624
letting him
take it to the grave?

1998
01:22:41,874 --> 01:22:42,917
Oh, yes. 100%.

1999
01:22:43,000 --> 01:22:44,335
He had a relationship
with us that he liked.

2000
01:22:44,418 --> 01:22:45,753
He cared about us
and all that stuff.

2001
01:22:46,003 --> 01:22:47,129
Yes, but he had
a relationship that he liked.

2002
01:22:47,380 --> 01:22:48,881
Yes, he liked.

2003
01:22:49,131 --> 01:22:50,549
So, might it have been better--

2004
01:22:50,633 --> 01:22:51,967
it could have been
a better relationship,

2005
01:22:52,051 --> 01:22:54,637
for all of us,
with honesty injected.

2006
01:22:54,887 --> 01:22:56,681
He found what he liked,
and he decided

2007
01:22:56,931 --> 01:22:58,891
we're gonna keep it this way,
this the way I like it.

2008
01:22:58,974 --> 01:23:01,227
[mysterious chime music playing]

2009
01:23:02,228 --> 01:23:03,938
[Jon]
At the Star of David Cemetery

2010
01:23:04,188 --> 01:23:07,441
in Palm Beach Gardens, Florida,
lies our parents' headstone.

2011
01:23:08,776 --> 01:23:10,569
There's a unique
subtlety about it,

2012
01:23:10,653 --> 01:23:14,323
a message about forgiving,
but not necessarily forgetting.

2013
01:23:14,907 --> 01:23:18,953
We learn the headstone
engravers don't do asterisks,

2014
01:23:19,036 --> 01:23:21,414
but frankly,
these stars look better,

2015
01:23:21,497 --> 01:23:23,207
and accomplish the same thing.

2016
01:23:24,083 --> 01:23:26,752
[David] The asterisks
mean that for each one of us,

2017
01:23:26,836 --> 01:23:29,630
we had the same nurture father,
but with an asterisk.

2018
01:23:29,880 --> 01:23:33,259
It's meaning that
there's more to the story.

2019
01:23:33,342 --> 01:23:36,429
[Eric] But we understand
what he was to us,

2020
01:23:36,512 --> 01:23:38,597
and it would be on there
forever and ever,

2021
01:23:38,681 --> 01:23:40,391
and it would go down
through time.

2022
01:23:40,474 --> 01:23:42,768
That the secret,
at least in our minds, was out.

2023
01:23:43,769 --> 01:23:51,068
♪ How I wonder
what you are ♪

2024
01:23:53,112 --> 01:23:56,240
[Jon] David takes a DNA test,
which reveals that Eric,

2025
01:23:56,490 --> 01:23:59,118
David and I
are all half brothers,

2026
01:23:59,368 --> 01:24:00,786
with different bio dads.

2027
01:24:02,371 --> 01:24:05,791
He also discovers
about a half dozen half siblings

2028
01:24:06,041 --> 01:24:09,253
on his father's side,
who he eventually contacts.

2029
01:24:09,962 --> 01:24:11,088
[Jon] What do you think about
the siblings

2030
01:24:11,338 --> 01:24:12,548
that you've met so far?

2031
01:24:12,631 --> 01:24:14,258
The new ones, the--
my replacements.

2032
01:24:14,508 --> 01:24:16,761
[sighs]
Let me think about that one.

2033
01:24:16,844 --> 01:24:18,304
- [Jon laughs]
- Uh, they're real--

2034
01:24:18,387 --> 01:24:19,805
they're really nice people,
it i-- it is,

2035
01:24:20,055 --> 01:24:21,515
I would say the word surreal
does come into it,

2036
01:24:21,766 --> 01:24:23,517
'cause they don't--
I still think of you and Eric

2037
01:24:23,601 --> 01:24:25,352
- as brothers.
- Right.

2038
01:24:25,436 --> 01:24:26,937
Because we grew up together,
and-- and all that stuff.

2039
01:24:27,021 --> 01:24:28,272
- [indistinct].
- Yeah.

2040
01:24:28,522 --> 01:24:29,899
And still seeing those--
Mom and Dad

2041
01:24:30,149 --> 01:24:32,818
as one common
parental unit, with us.

2042
01:24:32,902 --> 01:24:34,653
- Right, so...
- It is what it is.

2043
01:24:34,904 --> 01:24:36,447
- [all] It is what it is.
- You know?

2044
01:24:36,530 --> 01:24:38,365
[Jon] One of David's
donor siblings discovers

2045
01:24:38,449 --> 01:24:39,950
a bio dad match.

2046
01:24:40,034 --> 01:24:43,078
However, the man
has no interest in any contact.

2047
01:24:43,996 --> 01:24:45,831
Eric is in a similar boat.

2048
01:24:46,373 --> 01:24:49,794
His search for any relatives
on his biological father's side

2049
01:24:50,044 --> 01:24:51,962
has revealed yet another wall.

2050
01:24:52,755 --> 01:24:54,298
He never makes contact

2051
01:24:54,381 --> 01:24:56,342
with the one donor sibling
he matched with.

2052
01:24:56,425 --> 01:24:58,385
We hire a genetic detective,

2053
01:24:58,469 --> 01:25:01,806
and we're confident we know
who Eric's biological father is.

2054
01:25:02,973 --> 01:25:04,600
[Eric] The bio dad
that I know about,

2055
01:25:04,850 --> 01:25:07,353
uh, apparently, uh,
lives nearby also.

2056
01:25:08,187 --> 01:25:10,356
I sent him a letter,
never-- never responded,

2057
01:25:10,439 --> 01:25:11,482
never emailed back.

2058
01:25:11,565 --> 01:25:13,025
I called, nothing.

2059
01:25:13,108 --> 01:25:15,861
If you donated to any child
that's out there,

2060
01:25:15,945 --> 01:25:17,279
they're not gonna sue you.

2061
01:25:17,363 --> 01:25:19,990
There's no legal ties anyway,
but please respond to them.

2062
01:25:20,241 --> 01:25:22,034
Could be for health reasons.

2063
01:25:22,117 --> 01:25:23,869
I have health reasons
I want to ask about as well.

2064
01:25:24,453 --> 01:25:26,580
You helped create
a living person

2065
01:25:26,831 --> 01:25:30,292
who's out there now,
who wants to know about you...

2066
01:25:30,543 --> 01:25:31,961
You know, I-- I have
good things to say...

2067
01:25:32,211 --> 01:25:33,712
[Jon] My initial discovery

2068
01:25:33,963 --> 01:25:35,589
that brought down the wall
hiding the secret,

2069
01:25:35,673 --> 01:25:37,550
ultimately changes
our lives for the better.

2070
01:25:37,800 --> 01:25:38,884
Yes.

2071
01:25:39,552 --> 01:25:41,720
[Jon] We all agree
that we now know

2072
01:25:41,971 --> 01:25:44,849
what we should have known
a long time ago.

2073
01:25:46,016 --> 01:25:48,602
[man behind camera]
Has this whole scenario

2074
01:25:48,853 --> 01:25:50,604
brought you guys
any closer as brothers?

2075
01:25:50,688 --> 01:25:52,147
No, we still hate each other.

2076
01:25:52,231 --> 01:25:54,692
[Eric laughs]

2077
01:25:58,070 --> 01:26:00,531
Hey, front door is for guests,
you're family!

2078
01:26:00,614 --> 01:26:01,657
Come in.

2079
01:26:01,740 --> 01:26:02,867
- [Jon] Coming in.
- Hi!

2080
01:26:02,950 --> 01:26:04,159
- Sister from another mother.
- [Sharon] Hello, brother.

2081
01:26:04,869 --> 01:26:06,579
[Sharon] Welcome.
Welcome, welcome.

2082
01:26:06,829 --> 01:26:07,997
I was going to get
the other name.

2083
01:26:08,080 --> 01:26:09,123
It's good to see you.

2084
01:26:09,206 --> 01:26:11,375
[Jon] About once a year,
we donor sibs get together.

2085
01:26:11,458 --> 01:26:12,793
Here he is!

2086
01:26:12,877 --> 01:26:14,587
[Jon] This go around,
we are at Sharon's house.

2087
01:26:14,837 --> 01:26:17,131
- How are ya?
- [Rose] I'll say good, good.

2088
01:26:17,381 --> 01:26:18,883
The official meeting

2089
01:26:19,133 --> 01:26:20,509
of the Sisters and Brothers
from Other Mothers Club

2090
01:26:20,593 --> 01:26:21,927
is now come to order.

2091
01:26:22,011 --> 01:26:24,388
Because
we are all going to be together,

2092
01:26:24,638 --> 01:26:27,057
I have a birthday card
for Harrison,

2093
01:26:27,308 --> 01:26:29,143
so it's from all of us.

2094
01:26:30,144 --> 01:26:31,520
[Rose]
So it was just random people

2095
01:26:31,770 --> 01:26:33,981
that happened to find out
were related.

2096
01:26:34,064 --> 01:26:36,150
[Mark]
And have this unusual bond

2097
01:26:36,400 --> 01:26:37,985
that we've just recently
discovered.

2098
01:26:38,694 --> 01:26:41,030
[David N] It's an exercise
in thankfulness,

2099
01:26:41,280 --> 01:26:44,783
just to get such a gift
of knowing more about yourself,

2100
01:26:45,034 --> 01:26:46,410
at this stage of life.

2101
01:26:47,620 --> 01:26:50,164
- [Jon] Oh, my goodness.
- [David N] Ah!

2102
01:26:50,414 --> 01:26:51,916
[Mark] It's a,
what do they call it, DNA helix?

2103
01:26:52,166 --> 01:26:53,459
[Jon] Yeah, it's a DNA Helix.

2104
01:26:53,542 --> 01:26:56,128
If somebody told me,
five years ago,

2105
01:26:56,378 --> 01:26:58,547
I'd be cutting cake that says
"Welcome..."

2106
01:26:58,797 --> 01:27:00,382
Thank you.

2107
01:27:00,466 --> 01:27:01,967
[Jon] "...Sisters and brothers
from Other Mothers,"

2108
01:27:02,051 --> 01:27:03,969
I'd be like, and what was
in the cake that you had?

2109
01:27:04,845 --> 01:27:06,639
[Jon] It seems like
most of us started out

2110
01:27:06,889 --> 01:27:10,059
either shocked, confused,
and maybe pissed off.

2111
01:27:10,142 --> 01:27:12,353
Or some combination
of those things.

2112
01:27:14,521 --> 01:27:18,317
But, with a little help
from people who care about you,

2113
01:27:18,400 --> 01:27:20,277
and the connection
you have with them,

2114
01:27:20,361 --> 01:27:22,029
you might just get
the right recipe

2115
01:27:22,279 --> 01:27:24,907
to turn lemons
into lemonade.

2116
01:27:26,200 --> 01:27:27,534
The story...

2117
01:27:28,202 --> 01:27:31,288
feels almost complete,
but there's one piece missing,

2118
01:27:31,372 --> 01:27:32,748
and that piece is,

2119
01:27:32,998 --> 01:27:35,542
letting my parents know
exactly how I feel,

2120
01:27:35,626 --> 01:27:36,877
and there's only one way
to do it.

2121
01:27:37,503 --> 01:27:38,879
And that's by
writing a letter.

2122
01:27:39,421 --> 01:27:41,674
And the letter
would go like this.

2123
01:27:43,133 --> 01:27:44,718
[Jon reading]

2124
01:27:48,806 --> 01:27:52,851
[gentle piano music playing]

2125
01:27:52,935 --> 01:27:54,853
It's been guided
by an incomplete feeling.

2126
01:27:57,064 --> 01:27:59,274
Something
I always sensed was there,

2127
01:27:59,358 --> 01:28:01,485
like a wall,
jammed between me

2128
01:28:01,568 --> 01:28:03,821
and a part of myself
I never understood.

2129
01:28:07,574 --> 01:28:09,284
[Jon] I lived like this
for 54 years,

2130
01:28:09,368 --> 01:28:11,620
believing something
so incomplete

2131
01:28:11,870 --> 01:28:13,038
was actually complete.

2132
01:28:15,833 --> 01:28:17,501
I allowed myself
to become comfortable

2133
01:28:17,751 --> 01:28:18,752
with the uncomfortable.

2134
01:28:25,300 --> 01:28:26,677
[announcer over PA]
Atlanta International Airport,

2135
01:28:26,927 --> 01:28:28,554
a gateway to...

2136
01:28:28,637 --> 01:28:29,972
[Jon] Imagine my shock
when I discovered that

2137
01:28:30,222 --> 01:28:31,640
the two of you
were the architects

2138
01:28:31,890 --> 01:28:33,892
of a wall
I always suspected was there.

2139
01:28:36,812 --> 01:28:38,397
And it wasn't one
designed to last

2140
01:28:38,647 --> 01:28:41,567
just for the first 20
or 30 years of my life,

2141
01:28:41,650 --> 01:28:43,694
so you would eventually tell me
what you could have.

2142
01:28:46,196 --> 01:28:50,242
You were intent on building
a wall that would last forever.

2143
01:28:50,325 --> 01:28:51,535
[agent] Welcome aboard.

2144
01:28:52,286 --> 01:28:54,079
[Jon] Maybe you thought
what I wouldn't know

2145
01:28:54,163 --> 01:28:55,205
couldn't hurt me.

2146
01:28:57,207 --> 01:28:59,501
But not knowing
just confused me.

2147
01:28:59,752 --> 01:29:03,297
I felt deceived, and at first,
I was in no place to realize

2148
01:29:03,380 --> 01:29:06,341
how intentional
that deceit was or wasn't.

2149
01:29:06,425 --> 01:29:08,844
Revealing all that
from a damn DNA test

2150
01:29:08,927 --> 01:29:10,345
just added to my fury.

2151
01:29:11,764 --> 01:29:12,973
How dare you.

2152
01:29:13,057 --> 01:29:15,309
[heartfelt
classical music playing]

2153
01:29:17,019 --> 01:29:18,062
[captain over PA]
It's a great pleasure

2154
01:29:18,312 --> 01:29:19,646
to have you on board.

2155
01:29:20,856 --> 01:29:23,400
[Jon] Okay, so I'll never
fill in all the blanks

2156
01:29:23,484 --> 01:29:26,695
as to what happened
when, why, and how.

2157
01:29:27,321 --> 01:29:28,363
It doesn't matter.

2158
01:29:30,199 --> 01:29:32,076
But by discovering others
along the way,

2159
01:29:32,326 --> 01:29:35,162
who lived in the shadows
of clouds covering a secret

2160
01:29:35,412 --> 01:29:36,663
that was just like mine.

2161
01:29:37,998 --> 01:29:41,543
I learned that it wasn't about
what made you build the wall,

2162
01:29:41,627 --> 01:29:43,587
it's mostly about
why you built it.

2163
01:29:43,837 --> 01:29:46,590
[gentle piano music playing]

2164
01:29:50,177 --> 01:29:52,721
Maybe in some way you thought
artificial insemination

2165
01:29:52,971 --> 01:29:55,099
was a second-class way
to be conceived.

2166
01:29:57,351 --> 01:29:58,685
Maybe you thought
I might not love you

2167
01:29:58,936 --> 01:30:00,437
like normally
conceived children.

2168
01:30:02,523 --> 01:30:04,316
Nothing could be
further from the truth.

2169
01:30:06,401 --> 01:30:09,571
I think that not being able
to have kids the way you wanted

2170
01:30:09,822 --> 01:30:11,281
wounded your self-esteem.

2171
01:30:12,157 --> 01:30:16,078
I then had to make Dad feel
like a good father on his terms.

2172
01:30:17,579 --> 01:30:19,289
That created a vicious cycle.

2173
01:30:19,957 --> 01:30:21,834
One filled
with more frustration and anger

2174
01:30:22,084 --> 01:30:23,710
than happiness and love.

2175
01:30:29,383 --> 01:30:31,093
But it was a cycle
that was broken,

2176
01:30:31,176 --> 01:30:33,262
thankfully, by a simple truth.

2177
01:30:37,015 --> 01:30:38,725
You desperately wanted
children.

2178
01:30:40,060 --> 01:30:42,062
Back then,
artificial insemination

2179
01:30:42,146 --> 01:30:43,564
was your best option.

2180
01:30:48,443 --> 01:30:51,488
Unfortunately, deception
was part of the process.

2181
01:30:53,740 --> 01:30:55,659
And there's nothing
I can ever do about that.

2182
01:31:03,959 --> 01:31:06,170
So, I end my journey here.

2183
01:31:09,756 --> 01:31:11,550
At the same spot where Mom
placed a letter

2184
01:31:11,800 --> 01:31:12,926
for her parents.

2185
01:31:16,013 --> 01:31:17,181
Some walls divide us.

2186
01:31:19,933 --> 01:31:22,895
But I want to use this wall
as one that unites us.

2187
01:31:22,978 --> 01:31:27,983
♪

2188
01:31:30,861 --> 01:31:32,529
I think that
this letter belongs here.

2189
01:31:33,989 --> 01:31:35,824
And by placing it here,

2190
01:31:36,074 --> 01:31:37,910
I'm giving it the home
it deserves...

2191
01:31:38,994 --> 01:31:40,537
and the forgiveness
you both deserve.

2192
01:31:48,712 --> 01:31:50,380
[Jon] Please
know that I will love you both

2193
01:31:50,464 --> 01:31:52,382
unconditionally
and forever.

2194
01:31:54,801 --> 01:31:56,094
Jon.

2195
01:32:08,857 --> 01:32:12,653
[intense violin music playing]

2196
01:33:03,745 --> 01:33:08,750
♪

2197
01:33:43,410 --> 01:33:45,078
[music stops]