[whirring]
Downloaded from YTS.MX
[clanking]
[whirring and buzzing]
Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX
[fire whooshing]
[wind blowing]
[western music]
[crickets chirping]
[cheerful guitar music]
[engine rumbling]
[Bonnie] Dexter. [laughs]
- Bonnie? Hi. - Oh, my God!
Hi. Are you in town for the reunion?
That's right. Yeah. The ten year. Yeah. How can I miss it?
And you're still on Hollywood? How's that going?
It's going pretty well, actually.
We have a script in development.
Uh, fun stuff on the horizon, you know?
Didn't I just hear that you made a movie, like, a few years ago, right?
I was-- I was looking for it.
I was like, "Where is this movie?" And I never--
- I never saw it in the theaters or even here. - Yeah.
Yeah, I did make another movie. Uh,
it is currently, you know, mixed up in distribution, and...
- Oh. I don't know what that means... - ...got a little mixed up.
- ...but it sounds true. [laughs] - Yeah, absolutely.
And it's totally normal. They'll figure it out, so--
[Bonnie] I always knew that you would do well, even in musical theater.
- Do you remember The Music Man? - [Dexter] Yes!
Oh, you were the cutest little Winthrop.
Don't get me started... [lisping] Amaryllis.
- I'm starting it up. Vroom! - Or I'll have to do the "Shipoopi."
Okay!
♪ Shipoopi! ♪
♪ That girl who's hard to get ♪
♪ And something this and something... ♪[mumbles]
- ♪ ...and anything but fussy ♪ - [laughs]
- Hey, so here's your application for employment here. - [clears throat]
Go ahead and fill that out, and then give me your driver's license
- so I can make a copy for my record. - Sure.
- Um, this, this is-- - The manager here, Felix.
How are you doing? You applying for the job too?
Oh. Um--
- No. - Just you?
- And I, I, I-- Yes. [mumbles] - Cool.
Uh, Dexter, it was really good bumping into you.
Yeah, absolutely.
Um, see you at the reunion?
Thanks so much for coming in.
- [soft chiming] - Okay.
So, do you play D&D?
- What now? - Dungeons & Dragons?
The whole staff here plays it on Mondays and on full moons.
[clears throat] No. No, I, I don't.
And on Tuesdays, we got Tekken Tuesdays.
I gotta warn you, we're actually pretty serious about it.
- Uh-huh. - A couple of weeks ago, uh, one of the controllers jammed
right at the climax of the fight.
- Huh. - And the dude just went crazy.
He threw the controller and started wailing on his opponent,
blood everywhere, on his knuckles,
- on the windows. We had to fire him. - Jesus. What?
Christ. That's insane.
Hell of a guy, though.
- Like a really good guy. - Uh-huh.
[Felix] Then on Wednesdays, you know, we got film trivia.
We're the "Sassy Cassavetes."
[laughing] We were supposed to be the "Cassette-avetes,"
- but they told me that-- - Yeah. Can I stop you?
Actually, I, I'm in a big rush today,
so I would love it if I could just fill out this application,
hand it into you, and see if I got the job.
Oh, I get it.
What?
No, I get it. You're just...
...you know, here for the job, not here for the culture.
- No. - You know what? Get out of here, because you're done.
Good luck on your reunion.
[jazz music]
[Dexter's Mom] ...you have my car one day? One day and you get a ticket?
- I mean, who does that-- - Mom! I-- I couldn't see the handicapped sign, okay?
It was, like, behind, like, a bush and you couldn't see it!
[Dexter's Mom] You are living on my turf. You're living under my roof.
I expect you to have a little more respect for my rules!
It's not my choice-- Okay. Thank you for the advice.
[Dexter's Mom] ...you, you, you, you, and yours.
I mean, I'm tired of it. And it's about time.
Get your butt in here. I made you some stroganoff.
- Just get your Tallahassee out of here... - Stroganoff?
- ...and come eat the stroganoff before it gets cold. - Okay!
- In five minutes. Five more minutes... - Get your bum outta here.
- ...I'm in there. - I was the only person in the store today,
- I don't know what they're doing but they had no cashiers... - Hey!
...they had nobody there to help me.
I mean, when was the last time
that you've even fed the gecko?
Get out of there. Give me some help.
I'm picking up your socks.
That's all I do is clean up after Dexter.
Dexter, Dexter, Dexter, that's all I'm doing.
Cleaning up after Dexter...
["Just The Thing" by Dinosaur Tooth]
[indistinct chatter]
♪ Sometimes we remember... ♪
[woman] Hey.
Don't I know you?
No, no. I'm, I'm a nobody.
[woman] No. No, no, no, I, I know you.
Yo-- you make movies, right?
[laughs] Yeah, yeah. I do make movies. Have you seen--
- Do you know my work? - Yeah. Um, what is your name again?
- It starts with a "D," right? Oh, it's, uh, um... - Yeah.
- ...Dave or-- uh, Darren? No! No. - That's close. Not quite.
It's Da-- Dana! Oh, my gosh!
- Dana? - Dana Carvey. Right?
- Hmm, right. - Oh, God, in my bar!
- Oh, my God, so amazing! - I'm sorry.
- I'm not-- - [mimics The Church Lady] Well, isn't that special?
- [laughing] - Right. Yeah. That's funny.
Church Lady, she's so classic!
I'm not Dana Carvey. My name is Dexter.
Oh, okay.
Well, "Dexter," don't worry.
I won't tell anybody that it's you.
Oh, no, no, I'm really not--
[mimics Garth Algar] We're not worthy!
We're not worthy! [laughs]
Okay. Okay.
I'm not-- I'm not him. I'm not-- I'm not him.
- Just Dexter. - [man] Three, two, one...
- Fucking go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! - What the hell?
- Rex? - Come on. You got it, you got it.
You got it. I need this.
Whoo! And that is why
you can't drink Rex under the table.
Alright. Y'all stay here.
I'll be right back.
Reload!
Gina! [sighs] Two more pitchers.
Dana, how about you? You want another round?
[imitates Dana] I'm going to pump you up!
Lady, I'm not Dana Carvey, okay? I'm serious.
I'm not him!
You're damn right you're not.
You are Dexter freaking Wiggins.
- Yes. Yes. Yes, you caught me. - What the hell are you doing here, man?
- I'm here for the ten year, dude. - The ten year,
- that's what I thought. You know, last night... - Yeah.
...I was watching Splash. I was pounding Modelos,
- just like we used to. - [laughing] Holy shit, man, that's insane.
- Yeah, remember those days? - Wow. Hey, well, it doesn't look like a lot's changed.
Yeah, Daryl Hannah is still, uh, still hot as ever.
No, no. I mean, the, the, the--
Oh! [chuckles] Boys from work. Power trio over there,
throwing me a little fiesta as we speak.
- Oh, that's cool. Did you get promoted? - Yeah.
No, no, no, no. No, I quit.
- Oh. [chuckles] - Tomorrow I'm splitting town.
So you're not gonna go to the reunion?
No, no, hell no. No, I'm going out to the desert.
A little solo camping trip, you know, get the mind right. Sort of reset.
Hey, Rex, Joey wants to go again.
I threw up, so I could go t-- one more time.
I gotta take care of these bastards real quick.
- Alright? But you stay here. - I don't know, man.
I got a lot of writing to do this weekend.
And I can't get too hungover, you know?
[Dexter] So you mean to tell me
that you're not even a little bit curious
to bump into some Bakersfield Bobcats at this reunion?
I mean, do you know who's gonna be chaperoning this thing?
[laughs]
- You think? - Yeah.
The man, the myth...
- The legend, Coach Roach! - ...Coach Roach!
Yeah, dude! And he's gonna be walking around in those squeaky GORE-TEX shoes.
- You know what I'm talking about? - You talking about the layup?
The layup heard around the world, man!
He walks into practice in his GORE-TEX shoes.
- [mimics Coach] "GORE-TEX is the future, boys!" - [Rex laughs]
He goes up for a layup. Not just the regular layup.
- Mm-mm. - Like the MJ in '91, up and under.
And then, bam! He just eats it!
Just shatters his femur.
- Oh, shattered. Shattered. - [laughs]
- I can still hear that. - He's just on his back,
and he can't get up and he's just there.
- [mimics Coach] "The GORE-TEX." -"The GORE-TEX."
"The GORE-TEX let me down. Oh!"
I can't believe he kicked me off the team.
I sure can. You were a maniac out there, man.
You had the most technical fouls in school history.
- I was passionate. - Dude, you didn't even start!
Every team needs a Rodman.
Rodman can rebound, so--
I will say that when you and I were both on the floor,
- we were good. - The Rex-Dex Superflex.
The Superflex. That pick and roll was unstoppable.
Before Stockton and Malone, Rex and Dex. Oh, thank you.
GORE-TEX. [laughs]
[Dexter] Mm. Alright, level with me.
Where are you going this weekend that's so great, huh?
Oh, it's just this little ghost town out in the desert,
a little place called Old Dale.
What did you say?
- Old Dale. - Old Dale?
Yeah. What, is there an echo in here? Old Dale.
[Gina] Old Dale! [laughs]
Dude, I've been to Old Dale, like, with my writers group.
- You went camping? - No, we stayed at the Travelodge in town,
but we did hike in for a day to experience this, uh, vortex that's supposedly out there.
What the hell is a vortex?
It's like an energy field
that's generated by the land or whatever,
but it's supposed to help with positivity and creativity
and, like, all that good vibes stuff.
Well, did it?
[grunts] Hard to say.
What I will say is that ten writers went in,
and all ten of us came out with ideas we didn't have before.
So this is, this is real?
I mean, it could be.
Or it could not be. I don't know.
I mean, I spent one day there,
so I, I'd probably need to spend more time
to gather more data. You know what I mean?
Well, what if you did spend a little more time?
I mean, with me, this weekend?
Why don't you come along?
We'll gather some more data,
see if this thing is real or not.
You got something better to do?
Yeah, I do. A ten-year reunion.
Come on, the ten year? What, do yo--
you wanna sit in the gym in your khakis
and catch up with Craig Schiss?
[laughing] Oh! Fuck Craig Schiss. Ryan Wheatleaf?
Dude, no. That guy still wants to kick your ass.
He thinks you pissed in his gas tank.
You are the one that pissed in the gas tank, man! It wasn't me!
And he crashed into a pole and he learned his lesson.
- And he never messed with you again! - No, he didn't.
Alright, look. What did you tell me?
You gotta do some writing, right?
Yeah. No, I do. I, I have,
I have a pitch meeting on Monday,
and I currently don't have a pitch.
And trying to figure it out at my mom's
has so far proven fully infertile.
- So, yeah, I'm a little stressed. - Well, gosh, man, I don't know.
It sounds to me like you might benefit
from getting out of your mom's house.
Maybe a, a place that the energy is a little better,
where you can breathe. I don't know, maybe like a vortex?
[mimics Coach Roach] "The vortex, boys."
- [laughs] - Right. The vortex.
- Okay? - If I don't have an idea by Monday,
I'm gonna be in deep shit, okay? It's important.
As the great poet Jimmy Buffett once said...
♪ ...come Monday it'll be alright ♪
♪ Come Monday I'll be holding you tight ♪
- ♪ I spent four-- ♪ - Okay. Okay. Okay, I will go.
I'll be in your driveway 0600!
We're doing this thing. Comprende?
- Comprende. - [soft clinking]
Comprende![laughs]
[engine rumbling]
[upbeat guitar music]
[Rex] Woo-hoo! Mile Markers for breakfast, baby!
We are out in it. Mm-hmm.
Look around, man, this is it!
Like, there's just something so American
- about heading west, you know? - Yeah. Yeah!
Although we are headed east.
[Rex] What are you writing there?
I got a quick idea I wanna get down.
- Could be something. - Well, what is it?
No, no, no. It's, it's just in the beginning stages
- of being something. - Come on. Let me see it.
No! No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm serious, I'm serious.
I told you, I have a big meeting Monday.
- It could be make-or-break, man! - Look, I get it.
You're a hotshot filmmaker now. You don't have time.
Let's get this straight, okay?
I've been in Hollywood, yes, for ten years.
And what have I done with that time? I've made one movie.
- The Watery Hole. - Watering Holes!
Watering Hol-- it's not about a watery hole.
It's about the hot springs and about love.
- Hey, man, it was good. - The movie was crap, man.
I didn't even put my name on it, if you cared to notice.
You know what?
I brought something, actually, come to think of it.
- I brought a little something for you. Boom! - Oh, my God.
What?
- [Rex] Yeah. - How do you have that?
Man, I hate that you found that.
[Rex] "A Dusty Peter film."
[laughing] I did not see that.
- Hand that over, please. Please. - What a--
what are we doing? Are we writing the sequel out here?
- 'Cause I do have some ideas. - No.
Watering Holes 2. Okay?
-"All the wells are dry." - Give it!
- Fine. - This goes in the vault.
Hang on to that, man. I c-- that could be worth something someday.
[upbeat guitar music]
So, uh, the vortex. What do you think causes it?
You know, I don't know. I-- it sounds like it's probably, like,
tectonic magnetic stuff, you know,
- like, Bermuda Triangle thing. - [spits]
Ew. Front cup.
Did you know that there was a UFO crash out here 60 years ago?
[Dexter] Whoa. You got a notebook too?
All kinds of disappearances ever since?
I'm kind of bummed you heard that story,
because it's not true.
What if that's what's causing this whole vortex deal?
Please don't tell me you were going out here
for some sort of UFO hunt, man, seriously.
Because this trip is about inspiration and peace of mind.
What would you do if we saw one?
Saw what?
- An extraterrestrial? - Oh, my God.
Dude, do you know what the chances are of that happening?
Look, I'm not saying that it, it's a UFO thing,
but I'm just saying we could get lucky.
Okay. Okay. Look, if we got lucky and ran into an alien in the desert,
I would shoot it, I guess.
- Well, hell, yeah. I would too. - I mean, why not?
- Glad we're on the same page. - Yeah.
I always say the best defense is a good offense.
- What? - Yeah. I got the bird shot locked and loaded here.
Bird shot?
- Yeah. - Oh, my God!
It's enough to ruin your day. Not enough to kill.
No! No. I didn't mean shoot it.
- I meant shoot it with my camera. - [spits]
Front cup.
- MiniDV. - Mini RV?
It's really easy, man. You just flip this open
and hit record. You could even use it.
I don't know how to work a mini RV.
A D-- a DV, dude.
- It's cool. - Yeah, whatever.
- [spits] - Ugh. Front cup.
Why do you keep saying that, "front cup"?
Uh-- 'cause you keep spitting in that cup.
I don't wanna drink from that.
Why would you drink from my dip cup?
I, I wouldn't on purpose. It's just we have
the same Styrofoam cup, you know?
Alright, this is the dip cup. This is the sip cup.
- Okay. - It-- it's not rocket science.
- Dip cup. Sip cup. - I understand that!
But you've introduced dip to the equation,
so I have to be vigilant!
I, I liked you better as a smoker, man.
It was easier.
Question for you. I did bring some mushrooms.
- Mushrooms? - I figure we're trying to connect with the territory.
I'm not even sure if they'll work.
No. No. Full no!
I got one for you and one for me.
- Please. I-- No. That stays in the truck! - You, me,
- and the devil makes three, baby. - You, me,
and the devil makes a felony. So does the shotgun.
Those both stay in the car. Okay? Comprende?
God. Comprende.
God damn, get on my level, man.
Get on your level, yes, sir.
"The Vortex."
[mimics Coach] "The Vortex."
Oh, my God!
You just spit in the back cup!
["Spirit Moves" by Langhorne Slim & The Law]
- ♪ Take, take my hand ♪ - [howls]
- ♪ And let's go where we need to be ♪ - [indistinct chatter]
♪ And when we get there ♪
♪ Release me and set me free ♪
♪ The spirit moves ♪
- [groans] - ♪ The spirit moves inside of me ♪
- Rex, stop the car! - Come on, come on.
Stop it right now!
You! God damn it!
- [indistinct chatter] - ♪ The spirit moves ♪
♪ The spirit moves inside of me ♪
- ♪ The spirit moves ♪ - Oh!
♪ The spirit moves inside of me ♪
Right here.
Right here, my dude.
- [laughs] Yes. - Whoo!
- Alright. - Yes.
[crickets chirping]
- We're here, man. We're very close. - [sighs]
Uh-uh! Shotgun!
What did we say? We're gonna leave it in the car.
Let me protect us.
- You don't-- J-- You don't need to. - Come on.
- I promise you, this is a peaceful place. - You'll thank me later.
- Come on. - This is a peaceful place. Leave it in the car. Come on.
- Come on. - [deeply exhales]
You know it's the right thing to do.
[softly chuckles] God.
[Rex] There's so many things you can need a shotgun for.
I'm not just talking extraterrestrial.
I'm talking terrestrial. Lizards, buzzards, cougars.
[Dexter] Yeah, right, man. There aren't any cougars out here.
And there aren't any aliens either.
You don't know what I've experienced, man. Close encounters change you,
- fundamentally. -"Fundamentally." I cannot believe
you are still on this close encounter story, man.
We all know nothing happened.
- Yeah? Nothing happened, huh? - Yeah.
- Okay. How do you explain this? - Oh. Yeah.
- The scar? Oh-- - How do you explain it?
- You can't do it. - We know you got your appendix out, man.
We, we debunked this years ago.
- You didn't debunk shit. Okay? - [chuckles]
- No-- - The appendix is a different scar.
You were really going out here
for a UFO hunt, weren't you?
You don't know, man.
And you don't know because you weren't there.
I was there, man. I was with you that night.
No, you wer-- you were with me until you guys split
and ran away when the light showed up.
Right? And then you were blacked out
and went off after the lights, which turned out to be
- a park ranger telling us to put out our fire. - No. It's not a park ranger.
- Yeah, it was. - It was not a park ranger!
You got back like a day later,
like you've been off on some bender. You're all haggard
and looking all wide-eyed and shit.
I went in, while you guys scrambled out.
- I went in, and I saw it, and I touched it. - Uh-huh.
You've been watching too much X-Files, man.
Yeah. Yeah. And you're my Scully.
- You know what? You're worse than Scully. - Yeah, I'm the rational one.
- Yeah. - Yeah. At least-- at least Scully's hot.
I'm hot!
Not to mention she's an actual doctor
with scientific chops.
- Who are you? A porno director? - [whistling X-Files theme]
[lively music]
[Dexter] Okay. [grunts]
[grunts loudly]
Wow.
Yeah?
Alright, man.
- That's it. - That's the vortex, huh?
That's the spot, yeah. That's right where we sat last time,
supposedly the epicenter.
- Epicenter, huh? - [Dexter] You ready for this?
- [exhales] Ready as I'll ever be. - 'Cause I'm telling you,
it's supposed to, like, elevate your mood when it hits,
so I wanna make sure your head's the right spot.
Okay. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Reset.
- Ready. Let's do this. - Let's do it!
[crickets chirping]
[birds cawing and chirping]
[deeply exhales]
You feel anything?
I don't know. You?
You sure this is the spot?
Oh, yeah. Yeah, this is it, man.
I think the effects are just a little more gradual
than you're expecting, but this is the vortex,
- alright? - No, man, this ain't it.
Drink it in.
- This ain't it. - What are you talking about?
- [Rex sighs] - This is it. What d--
[light ethereal music]
[Dexter] What are you doing?
I think...
[music increases]
...I think we gotta go this way.
Whoa. Whoa. No, no, no.
- Like, t-- this is the spot, man. - No, no, no. No, no, no.
- We gotta go this way. - This is the spot where, like,
I came up with all my ideas.
All your ideas? Yeah.
And how, how'd they turn out?
[scoffs and stutters]
Listen, I need you to trust me on this, alright?
I can feel it in my gut. I'm being pulled this way.
- Into the brush? It's like a rock wall over there. - Look, look, look.
We can stay here, right? But you've been here before.
You know where that leads. Do you wanna do that?
Or you wanna see if there's something more out there?
[upbeat country music]
Did you take those shrooms, man?
[Dexter] Okay. Can you at least take the camera? I can't climb up with it.
Give me. [grunts]
- Give me your hand. - [sighs and grunts]
- ...there, past the second cactus. - Over there?
- One, two. - Oh, dude!
Right--
[yells]
- Right-- - [yells]
[panting]
[whispers] Jesus! [grunts]
Damn it.
[sighs]
[deeply exhales]
[Rex] I think this is it.
[panting]
What do you think?
[birds chirping]
I knew we'd get lucky.
[wind blowing]
You think this is the spot?
- Yeah. - [whispers] Okay. Alright, man.
[sighs]
You feel it?
- [Dexter] Yeah. I feel it. - Yeah, you do.
- I feel it. It's cool. - Yeah, you do. You feel it.
[Dexter] It's cool. Okay. Alright.
- Alright. Do we set up camp? - Set up camp.
Okay, let's go.
[ominous music]
[compass whirring]
[crickets chirping]
[blows raspberries]
- Alright, man. Let's get this fire lit, huh? - [grunts]
[exhales] Oh, yeah.
Alright.
- [chuckling] - [blade ringing]
Hey. Whoa.
What's, uh, what's with the knife?
It's a hunting-- it's a, it's a camping knife.
Keep it on me at all times.
You keep this massive knife
strapped to your leg at all times?
Yeah, I, I didn't even think to mention it.
It's just helpful to have when you're out here.
- Okay. - Check it out.
- What are you doing? Oh, shit! - [fire whooshes]
What did I tell you? [laughs]
- Look at that. - Okay. Righ--
Good for you and your caveman blade.
So...
...what are we up to tonight?
Because I heard if we look to the north skies,
- we might see some serious shit. - Actually, dude.
Do you think it'd be cool if on night one we did sort of like a,
like a silent retreat kind of thing?
- Silent treatment? - No, no, no, like a r--
a silent retreat where, like,
you know, it just gives me a second to, like,
focus on my thoughts, you know, like, put pen to paper.
You wanna play the quiet game.
What am I, your 5-year-old son?
That's not-- Just give me one night.
[sighs] Alright, my lips are sealed.
Okay. Dude, thank you.
Alright, silence begins...
- ...now. - Silencio. Godspeed.
- Thanks, man. [chuckles] - Got it. [sighs]
[birds chirping]
[suspenseful western music]
[fire crackling]
[sighs]
[wind blowing]
[can opens]
[deeply exhales]
[laughs]
[owl hooting]
[sighs]
[low growl]
- What was that? Was that a cougar? - No. [shushes]
Hey, neighbors! [laughs]
- [Dexter sigh] - I'm Tom.
- Hey, Tom. I'm Rex. - Hey.
- Rex, how are you? - This is Dex.
- [Tom] Dex. Oh, yeah. - Dexter, yeah.
[Tom] So we got Dex and Rex. [chuckles]
[deeply exhales] Special place, huh?
- Yeah. - [Tom] I mean, it is a magical place.
It's, it's the vortex, right?
- [mumbles] - [Tom sighing] Oh! Oh, you're telling me?
You should've seen my limp before the vortex.
Doctor said I had to have surgery on this hip
and hernias and arthritis... all gone.
Land of miracles, huh? Well, that's cool.
Thanks, Tom, for coming by tonight, introducing yourself.
- [Tom] Yeah. - Uh, you know, we just got here, so we're getting our bearings.
Oh, bearings? [chuckling] Oh, I got you covered with bearings.
- Oh, I can tell you the rails... - Okay.
...and the trails and the views and the do's and the don'ts.
That's cool. Yeah, maybe-- yeah, maybe tomorrow or,
you know, once we're a little more settled in.
You know, sometimes I come out of here and...
...I realize that some places people have never walked on.
Do you know that 65% of the Earth is undiscovered?
Some people, they just, they don't even know what they're looking at.
I mean, just look up, look at those stars.
See these stars? Now we're looking at the, the rocks and the,
and the sand and-- I mean, what's inside of you?
What's inside of you? What's inside of me?
Wha-- what is all that? It's the same atoms.
They've all been here since the Big Bang. It's all the same.
In the end, I mean, we're all just stardust.
When you think about it.
[Rex] I'm thinking about what you're sipping on right there.
- I'm curious. What do you got? - [chuckles]
If I said it was aged ten years, would, uh, would that mean anything to you?
- [Rex] Whoo. - [Tom laughing]
- Hey. - Oh, no. Ten years is better than beers.
- Right? Good. - Alright. You gonna try it?
[Rex] Quality check. Quality check.
- Whew! Whew! - Whew.
Oh, that's good. Dex, you gotta try this.
- No. That's alright, no. - Little nip. Come on.
- Give it back to the man. Give it back to the man-- - [Tom] You sure?
- Actually, Tom. Tom, right? - Yes.
- Yeah. - Wh-- why don't you, uh-- Why don't you have a seat?
- Take my rock. Yeah, let's talk more about this stuff. - Oh, thanks!
- Saddle up, partner! - Alright.
That's my-- O-- Okay. Sure.
- [Tom loudly sighs] - [loudly sighs]
[Tom] Now here's my theory, alright?
[suspenseful western music]
"And that is why," he says, "you should never use skunk scat as a battery!"
[laughter]
[Tom] Trust a local on that one.
You know, I've been thinking about what you said, about...
...how we're all just starburst.
And, you know, it got me to thinking that, you know,
me and Dex, we don't know how the vortex works.
We don't know what causes it, 'cause-- I mean, hell, we just got here.
You know, but a local like you, a guy who lives it? I figure you have some answers.
Yeah, I bet he does, but it's just it's getting so late, you know?
Tom, I... [chuckles] we've had fun tonight, but,
uh, you know, we, we, we came out here with some, uh,
specific intentions in mind for this vortex,
and, uh, I hate to sound terse,
but, but, but your being here is kind of directly keeping us
from focusing on those things so if we can try and--
- Okay. Okay. Hang on. Slow down. Slow down. - What?
What's all this "we" talk? I mean, y-- the silent treatment was your idea.
- Retreat. - So... [sighs] Dexter,
you don't have any questions about the vortex?
Uh, yeah, I got one. Um, are you spending the night with us tonight
or are you gonna go back to your, uh, to your space?
Okay, here's a question. Shoot me straight.
- [sighs] - Do you know how this vortex works?
Yeah. I believe I do.
- It's paranormal, right? - Oh, Rex, don't encourage him.
Well, as a matter of fact--
- Oh. Oy vei. - Whoa.
- What is it? - Rex, it's a piece of foil.
This is not just a piece of foil.
- This is from a crash site. - Yeah, yeah, the UFO crash site
60 years ago. I, I researched this.
I read about it on, on the Internet.
- Dex, are you seeing this? - [Dexter] So what are you saying, Tom?
You're trying to say that that foil is the cause of this entire vortex?
I'm saying that this foil possesses a power
that you nor I could ever hope to understand.
This is a living thing, and there's more of it out there.
Okay, Obi Wan. So, so you're UFO treasure hunter.
Dex, pay attention to this, man.
This is the inspiration you're looking for.
Okay. Alright, Tom, humor me.
What about this foil makes it different from any other piece of foil?
I mean, how do we know that didn't come off your sandwich this afternoon?
How do we know that it's of any significance whatsoever?
You know what? You're right.
Nothing special.
Oh, look at that.
[ominous music]
Okay. Alright. I will admit that that looked kind of cool.
[Rex] It's memory foil. Tha-- that's the stuff from Roswell.
- That's before Roswell. - For all we know,
this could be heat activated by the fire.
- Can, can I hold it? Can I see it closer? - Oh, no, no, no, n--
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Too valuable.
Now, if you wanna talk more or see more,
you know where to find me.
So long, neighbors.
Oh, my God.
Oh, he left his, he left his flask.
- [Dexter] Unbelievable. - There's some good stuff in here.
Man, what the fuck was that all about?
[chuckles] I don't know. That was amazing, though.
I'm talking about you, man.
Y-- you went against everything we talked about for tonight.
Okay, even if we never see that guy again,
wasn't that way more interesting
than sitting next to each other in silence?
That guy was a bona fide charlatan preying on what to him
looked like two bozos looking to get strung along on some bullshit adventure, man.
- Yeah, but the foil, you saw the foil. - The foil,
the foil doesn't prove anything, dude.
Think about it, man. If that foil is what he says it is,
then why isn't it in a museum?
Why isn't he a millionaire right now
with this great discovery?
It's because he's a fucking snake oil salesman,
and he camps out here looking for campers like us coming to this vortex,
'cause he knows we might be into this kind of shit.
It's-- honestly, it's an incredible setup when you think about it.
When I think about it, I think you're just too scared
to recognize an opportunity like that.
I mean, that thing just literally fell into our laps,
and you just wanna write it off?
We're not even on the same page anymore.
[scoffs] We're not reading the same book even.
- [grunts] - You know, speaking of books...
- Dude! Dude! What the fuck? - ...let's see what kind of-- let's see...
- Fuck you, man! No! - ...let's see what kind of brilliant ideas--
- Give me that fucking thing. - Let's see what kind of brilliant ideas
- you're working on here. - Dude, please don't.
That's intellectual property.
- That is my shit. - Ooh! Lot of blank pages here.
- 'Cause I just fucking started. - [scoffs]
I got shit cooking!
[Rex] You know what, why am I here?
Why did you wanna come on this trip with me?
So I could sit next to you in silence
while you try to come up with a movie pitch?
- What the hell is that? - Just give it back, man.
No, no, no. I thought we could start right where we left off.
Okay?
But now that we're out here, it's clear that you just want me
to step aside so you can live in your,
in your fantasy world in your notebook,
your blank notebook.
[fire crackling]
I mean, wake up, man!
You have made one film in the past decade,
and it's a goddamn porno.
You know, when I saw you back in Bakersfield, I was thrilled.
I was thrilled 'cause I thought maybe,
maybe you were ready to move on from Hollywood.
- You think I should move on? - Yeah.
You're the one that's been working oil rigs on and off
since you dropped out of high school, man.
- You think that's moving on? - Yeah.
That's honest work, okay?
I'm actually doing something.
From where I stand, man, it feels like you're the one
that lives in a fantasy world in your notebook
where you have old men coming in with scraps of foil
and UFO stories whisking you off
on a white pony of fucking answers
about your questions, leaving me here
to deal with my real world shit.
I guess you-- you don't believe my story?
[sighs] No. I don't believe your story.
And honestly, it makes me feel like sometimes I can't trust you with anything at all.
Much less my movie ideas.
[wind blowing]
Okay.
I'm sorry. That's not entirely what I mean.
You know what? You're right. That guy, he's probably--
Yeah, that guy's probably full of shit.
- Dude, I'm sorry, okay? I didn't-- - No. No, no. No.
I'm sorry.
- Alright? I'm sorry. - I'm sorry, man.
No, shut up. I'm sorry.
- Fine. You be sorry. - Alright? I'm sorry I commandeered the evening.
- [chuckling] Okay, man. - I commandeered it. I got a little excited there.
- Yeah, you did. - And look, if you wanna spend tomorrow com--
committed to your ideas, God knows you need to get some pen to paper here.
I respect that. Alright? I do.
Wow. Okay.
You hear that? That's me apologizing.
- [laughs] Yeah. I'm shocked. I'm shocked. - Yeah.
I want you to savor it.
Soak it in. In fact, let's drink to it.
- [blows raspberries] - Let's take one big rip right now.
Alright, man.
'Cause tomorrow we're gonna be silent.
Just like two monks on a monk farm.
- Alright? - [softly] Yeah.
Alright, man.
- [deeply exhales] Get yourself one. - Mm.
Yeah, that's the good stuff.
Ooh, wow.
That's a belly burner. [grunting]
Hey, tomorrow's a new day.
- Alright? - Okay.
- New day, new dawn, huh? - Yep.
- Comprende? - Comprende.
Oh.
What are you doing?
What-- what?
You can't leave the campfire unattended.
- Okay? Rule number one. - Oh.
That's-- that's rule one. Okay.
- Alright, so we, we pee on it? - Kick it.
- Kick it. Go. - Oh, you kick it. You kick it. Okay, great.
[wind blowing]
[Rex] So it's like, "Alright, Coach, show us what you can do.
Make a move." We pass him the rock.
He goes up for a layup, but not just a regular layup.
He goes for the MJ '91 Finals,
- up and under and then bam! - [Tom laughs]
He just eats it, just lands flat on his ass, shatters his femur.
- They almost had to amputate the leg, the poor bastard. - [Tom laughs]
They didn't, but it was close.
- It was a little dicey there for a while. - Morning, you two.
Oh, morning, sneaky man.
Rex, uh, what did we say last night?
Well, hey, I just thought I would come back for my flask,
and, uh, bring along some coffee and greetings.
Yeah, we were just talking. We thought maybe Tom borrows me
for a little while this morning while you're waking up.
- Borrows you? - Yeah. I mean, he's just real confident
that there's some more foil scraps in the area,
- an-- Yeah. - Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. W--
You, you should see the readings I've been getting
on my metal detector.
Dex, look, we'll be back soon, comprende?
Nope. It's fine.
Have fun.
[whispers] I'm sorry.
[deeply sighs]
[birds chirping]
Listen, Dex,
I know what we talked about last night, alright?
But if we find something out there, I think you're gonna be the one
apologizing to me for doubting this stuff,
all this stuff.
I mean, this could change our lives, man.
I'm not gonna pass that up.
You're not gonna find anything out there, man.
It's a fool's errand.
[chuckles] You know, I just realized something.
I drove you out here.
I set up your camp.
I lit your fire.
You don't need me.
You just wanna work on your pitch, right?
Can't trust me with your ideas? Think I'm some big liar?
Fine. Why don't you just go sit over there,
close your eyes and pretend I'm next to you?
And I'll see you later.
See you later, dude.
Let's go.
[sighing] Oh, man. So you really think there's some foil scraps around here?
[Tom] Oh, yeah. There's a ton.
[light melancholic music]
[Rex] Wow. Nice-looking trailer.
- [laughs] - She's all I need.
Why don't you have a seat?
Get comfy. I'm gonna get some gear.
Now, you said you were getting gear.
Hmm. Did I say "gear"?
- I meant beer. - Okay.
[chuckling] Alright, you devil.
Hey, it's five o'clock somewhere.
Okay, look, one beer, and then we go start digging, right?
- Absolutely. - Okay, I'll drink to that.
- Salud. - Salud.
[wind blowing]
[western music]
[wind whooshing]
[laughs]
[softly] Why... won't... you... light?
[sighs]
Flint.
[groans]
Oh, my God.
He wouldn't.
[sniffs, shouts and coughs]
[sighs] Oh, Jesus Christ.
[laughs] Oh, my God.
Daryl fucking Hannah.
[laughing]
Where's the flint?
[upbeat guitar music]
[Rex] Man, there's nothing like a quality cerveza.
I was afraid you were gonna have some kind of Belgian banana bullshit.
I hate bananas.
- [Tom] I like you, Tex. - Rex.
[Tom] Yeah. You ought to be proud of yourself.
You made a commitment for the work.
Looking for the truth,
asking questions, trying to find answers. Most people don't do that.
Most people are just sleepwalkers in a strange land.
Most people aren't even where they are.
Like, take your friend there, Mr. Wet Blanket.
He's trapped. Trapped up here.
Dexter, he'll be fine.
[Dexter shouts] Where the fuck is it?
Where the fuck is the fucking flint, God damn it!
Fuck!
[coughs and spits]
[panting]
[whispers] You fucking asshole.
- [low growl] - Cougar?
- Is there a cougar? - [man] No, human.
Just a human.
- Hi. [grunts] - You okay?
[grunting] Oh, God.
Yeah. No, I'm good. Um--
How long have you been standing there?
There's a climbing spot over there.
I was gonna go climb it.
Oh, cool.
You alright?
Yeah, man, I'm, I'm fine.
I'm just trying to light my fire but I can't find the, you know--
- Flint! - Yeah.
- I got you covered. - Cool.
Whoa. Hey, man, that's a pretty nice camping knife.
- My buddy's got one like that. - Actually, it's a hunting knife.
I knew those were for hunt-- Wha-- What do you hunt with that?
- Name it. - [fire whooshes]
Whoa. God, that--
That's awesome, man. Thank you. Thank you.
The name's Rambo.
Cool, dude. My name's Dexter.
- [groans] - If you don't mind me asking, what that tent do to you?
Oh, it's just this boneheaded guy that I came out here with.
Kind of ditched me, actually.
He went running off with this old man
looking for, like, UFO scraps
or some nonsense, I don't know.
I guess he thought that sounded more fun
than hanging out with me.
- Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. - Yeah.
Well, um, glad I could help.
I hope it works out with your, uh, your pal.
Me, too, man. I just don't think it will, you know.
Because... [scoffs] we had this whole plan for the weekend,
and he just went completely rogue on it, you know?
It's like, he's always gotta do stuff his way, you know what I mean?
He's never checking in on where I'm at.
Like, he doesn't know I got evicted, for one.
[scoffs] Or that they repo'd my car,
or that I don't have a job at the moment,
and I'm living at my mom's.
He's just not the boss. Do you know what I mean?
[rock music]
Dexter? He's just not the boss of me, you know?
Like, he just wants to do things his way
without even thinking about where I'm at. You know what I mean?
If you hadn't come along, I'd probably still be over there
sitting in silence, meditating.
How am I supposed to catch up with a buddy who won't even talk to me?
I mean, you know he wanted to do a silent treatment?
- Silent retreat? - Who is he to say how I spend my time out here?
- You know, I'm a grown-ass man. - Indeed you are.
So if I wanna drink, that's what I'm gonna do.
I'm gonna drink. I wanna investigate a potential UFO crash,
well, God damn it, that's what I'm gonna do.
Amen.
You know, the thing I think about your friend there,
Mr. Wet Blanket, he's just--
- he's uncomfortable with discomfort. - Yes.
I mean, we're comfortable, but we're also comfortable with discomfort.
[music continues]
- Oh, out of beer. - Out of beer?
Okay, now I'm uncomfortable.
I have something else. One moment.
Oh, woo-hoo.
I have this notebook here, right?
And I'm using it in part,
to write down these ideas for a big meeting next week.
But that's not all that I'm doing.
- Huh? - Mm.
See, I need to move in somewhere,
and... [chuckles] my options right now are either living at my mom's.
- Oh, gross. - Mm-mm, yeah.
Or I ask Rex if I can move in with him.
Rex, uh, the runaway?
Right. Yeah. The guy whose tent that is, yeah.
And, and, and honestly, it's, it's a toughie.
Uh... [chuckles] 'cause I'm listing out all the pros and cons here.
And I just-- I can't find an answer.
Uh, I don't know. Like, what-- what do you think?
[fire crackling]
[sighs]
[coffee boiling]
Uh-- it looks like the coffee's ready.
Oh, yes, absolutely.
But, you know, like, when I think about it moving in with Rex
would be, like, Midnight Run or something,
where he's just this outlaw type who doesn't listen to me.
And the longer we're together, the more we're doing stuff his way...
[chuckling] which makes me go crazy. Although, when you think about it,
he's definitely much more of a De Niro and I'm more of a Grodin,
- so that would put me in the outlaw thing. - Wait a minute.
Wha-- what if Cameron moved in with Ferris Bueller?
Wait a minute. Are you a movie guy?
Yes, I'm a movie guy. I'm a filmmaker, dude.
Oh, my God. You don't know how long I've been waiting
to talk to somebody new about movies. This is incredible.
- I'm actually a little bit of a... - Seriously?
...I'm in a film study club myself.
Well, okay, sir. Why don't you let her rip?
- Okay, uh, top three favorite sci-fis, go. - Ooh.
- [sighs] - So the foil, who else should be told about it?
- Who knows about this? - Oh, I haven't told that many people.
But you've told some people?
Aren't you worried they're gonna say something about it?
No, no, I'm pretty confident they won't.
Yeah, I mean, people don't really believe that stuff when you tell them anyway.
At least in my experience.
You've had an experience?
Spring break, '86.
Me and the basketball team, five of us, Dexter included, went out camping.
Last night of the trip, it's getting pretty late.
We see these lights in the woods.
So the other guys, they scramble.
They figure park ranger coming in to bust us
for drinking or whatever. But I figure I'll go in.
Let me talk to this guy.
So I go in to check it out. And pretty soon,
as I get closer, I realize this is not a park ranger.
- [Tom] And it's not a truck. - Not a truck.
It was a cylinder.
Pretty good size, maybe not much bigger than your trailer here.
But what was weird was it didn't have any doors.
It didn't have any markings on it.
It didn't have any exhaust.
It didn't make any noise. It was dead silent.
When I touched it,
the whole thing lit up and it whips 20 feet in the air
and this blue light just... [mimics explosion] shoots right down on top of me
and it was like time just stopped.
But, you know, in that moment, I didn't feel any fear.
I felt, like, totally at peace.
[light dramatic music]
I, I can't explain it, but I felt like I was...
...communicating with someone.
Somehow I, I understood them and I knew...
...I knew that they understood me.
And then it was gone.
When I got back to camp, everybody had left.
But what I didn't know at the time...
...was that 24 hours had passed.
I felt like I was gone 15 minutes.
It was the next night.
Shit.
Well, they didn't believe me.
They still don't. Dexter doesn't.
They just thought I got drunk and lost or whatever.
[mumbles]
That's that.
I appreciate you telling me that.
Sounds like you got off easy, though, you know?
Some people, some people, they have scars to show.
- What did you say? - Like, in their side, they, they have scars.
Does that look like a park ranger to you?
Y-- you can't have Tremors on your sci-fi list, man.
That's crazy. That's strictly a monster movie entry.
- Where in that movie is there a lick of science? - [mumbles]
- The worms are aliens. - No, no, no.
- They never say that they're aliens. In fact... - Yeah!
...I would pitch that they're hyper-evolved terrestrial beings!
The main actress girl, she's studying seismotology at the time, in the town.
- That's science. No. No, not Reba. - Reba? Reba?
- The young, nerdy, uh, the lo-- the love interest one... - Oh!
- Yes. Okay. Yes, yes. - ...remember her? Remember? That's science.
But, but the whol-- all of that could be removed from the movie
- and it could still stand. - No, well, uh... [sighs] I mean, well,
it rounds out my top three. So you gotta take it or leave it.
- Alright, fair enough, man. - Fucking great movie.
Actually, you know, the one idea that I have kind of gotten down so far
that might be something I would say is pretty Tremors adjacent.
- Mm. What have you got? - [chuckles] Why don't you take a look at that?
Take a look. Let me know what you think.
And just give it to me straight, alright?
-"Big bugs"? That's all it says. - Yeah.
Right. Need to say more?
There's a lot of big bug movies.
But none as simple as this.
So it's a movie about big bugs.
- And are they fighting off people or-- - No. No fighting,
no bad guys, no monsters. We are among the bugs.
They're big to us on the screen.
We're in the field in that community,
you know, like, uh, like, Honey, I Shrunk the Kids without the kids.
[blows raspberries] I'm not gonna lie to you.
I mean, this idea is just...
What?
...this is the best fucking idea I've ever heard of in my life!
- [shouts] What? Yes! - Big bugs? This is perfect.
- Big bugs! Oh, my God. - Big bugs! Big bugs.
♪ I like big bugs and I cannot lie ♪
Oh, shit. That's your title.
- Oh, my God, it is. Holy crap. - That is your title. Yes.
- 'Cause what I like to do is come up with the title first... - Yeah.
...the marquee, and then figure out, like, how can this be a movie?
- Right? That's how you sell a movie. - That's genius.
- You-- [cross-talk] Okay. - A-- and this one will sell. This will sell.
This is incredible. 'Cause I have a meeting Monday,
this pitch meeting, and I-- I-- should I lead with this?
Oh, yeah, you gotta lead with it, it will kill.
God, that's such great news, man, that's a load off.
Except, uh, sorry, I don't think you'll be able to make your meeting Monday, though.
- What? - Your meeting Monday. You're not gonna make it.
[grunts]
[groans and shouts]
What the hell?
- [yells] - Look, it's not your fault.
- [yells] Get back! [grunts] - I like you. You're a nice guy.
- [Rambo yells] - Oh, God! Hot!
- [yells and cries] - God, my knife!
Damn it, I wanted to do this the easy way, kid.
But I guess we'll have to go to plan B.
- [whimpers] - Oh, your Bronco keys.
- Yeah, good luck with that. - Is that our--
Shotgun! Yippee ki-yay, motherfucker.
- Die Hard? - [shushes] This will all be over soon.
No! No! No, it won't! Killer!
- Or you can do that. - There's a killer!
Another runner.
- See you in a bit, kid. - [yells]
[ominous music]
[soft splattering]
[Dexter yells] Rex?
Where the hell am I?
He's got a gun, hello?
Why is it snowing?
Hello?
Rex?
Tom?
God damn it, Rex!
I hate this fucking vortex!
[grunts] God!
So Dexter doesn't exactly know why I came out here.
[birds chirping]
To drink fine bourbon with the locals, obviously.
Yeah, sure. Yeah, to drink-- it is, it is good bourbon.
But I mean, like, this spot, like, this exact spot.
Old Dale?
When I touched the craft...
...I got these numbers in my head.
These, like, numbers.
- Numbers? - Just like burned into my head.
Memorized them, wrote 'em out.
And for the longest time, I didn't know what they meant.
So I went to the library. I said, "Alright,
you're gonna do some research."
So I studied codes, ciphers, puzzles,
crosswords, ciphers,
the Zodiac letter,
trying to understand...
...these ones and zeros.
[light suspenseful music]
[Tom] Binary code.
[Rex] Yeah, you know it.
- Let me show you something. - [chuckles]
Oh, no, no. Hang on. Hang on. Stay right there.
This is messy in here. Hang on.
[clattering]
Binary codes correspond...
...directly to--
Yeah, latitude and longitude. Yeah. Yeah!
And once I figured that out, I knew it was leading me
- right to... - ...this exact location geographically!
Oh, my God, it's true. That's crazy.
Not as crazy as you might think.
You're meant to be here.
There's something very special inside you.
Thanks, man. That means a lot.
No, literally...
...there's something inside you, the scar.
- What? - [chuckles]
You remember that piece of foil that I showed you earlier?
Yeah.
Well, you have one inside you.
[chuckles]
What are you talking about?
How do you think I got mine?
Holy shit. You have one too?
Yeah.
Except I took mine out. I extracted it.
You took it out?
I have the tools to do yours too.
We could do it this afternoon.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. I, I'm not drunk enough
for you to do some kind of a half-ass surgery.
Did you just make that up about the crash?
Crash is as real as that bourbon that you're sipping on right now.
[ethereal music]
That vortex,
it's like a big homing beacon or something.
You and I are not the only implanted folks that have been drawn to this site.
[Rex] There's others?
[Tom] Many others.
[yells] Hello?
You know, Rex,
most people...
...they don't have the courage
or the gumption to face their trauma.
But not you.
You're different.
What we know about this foil is that the closer we are
to the coordinates, the more active it becomes.
Now, remember last night at the campsite?
Look at it now.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Don't touch it.
Don't touch it, just watch it. Watch.
[soft ringing]
You can feel it right now, can't you?
- Yeah, I feel it. - From the moment
that it's been implanted in you,
it's been adding all kinds of stuff,
stuff that you don't want.
Sadness,
hurt, depression...
- [soft pouring] - ...drinking.
- You got this weird friend... - [yells]
...that talks shit about you and--
what's all that about?
Do you feel it?
I feel it.
You know what I feel?
I feel like I'm looking at myself.
I was like you.
An impositional personality, a sleepwalker.
I didn't know who I was.
And then I extracted.
And then I...
...began to see things clearly. All those feelings,
they just melted away.
I became...
...unburdened.
Whatever this foil is,
we weren't meant to take it on.
Not by ourselves.
It's too heavy.
It's too much weight.
This foil is holding you back, Rex.
[ethereal music continues]
So...
[soft pouring]
...do you believe I can help you?
Are you ready to let me help you?
I t-- I told you, I'm not drunk enough for you to go digging around for it.
Well, come on. Let's keep drinking, then. We gotta get you there.
I'll tell you what.
We'll do a little trial run first, alright?
Let's at least run some tests,
just to make sure you're ready.
[chuckles] Okay.
Alright then.
[dramatic western music]
[yelling] Hello!
[echoing shouting and mumbling]
Mm-hmm.
[groans and sighs]
[groaning and whimpering]
[fire crackling]
You done?
[shouting] What the fuck is going on?
[birds chirping]
[wind blowing]
So, uh, are you, like, gonna kill me now or--
So, Tremors. I-- I really think you need to take another look at it.
[shouts] Really? Fucking really?
You s-- you wanna talk more about Tremors?
Yes, I was making valid points.
What do you wanna do? Go back to whining about your friend?
Big bugs?
I mean... [sighs] there's not a lot here, man.
It's just killer bats, big bugs, big waves.
Everything is fucking "big" and "killer" with you, huh?
There's some good stuff in there.
Look.
[sighs]
You want my advice?
[clattering]
- Dude! - Fuck that. Fuck big bugs.
You know, if you weren't dying today,
I'd say go out and make something
that you actually fucking care about,
not something you think you could sell.
Why the fuck can't I run away
from this campsite, huh? Did you drug me?
You drugged me, didn't you? You put something in my coff-- Okay.
Okay. Hey. Hey, hey. Look, look.
Wha-- what do you want? D-- do you want,
you want my keys? You want my wallet? You can have them.
You don't have anything to offer me.
Let me t-- You don't have one shell of a good idea in your fucking head.
N-- not one original thought. Which is a shame,
'cause I thought you had something, but you don't.
Okay, well, well, maybe we could write something together.
You know, just sit down, talk, help me out, uh-- we, we could collaborate!
I'm afraid not, man. Once the old man says you're gone, you're gone.
- Old man? - You know, you blame all your failures
on your friend, on your car, your eviction.
- Shut up. - It's never your fault, is it?
- Shut up. - No, you shut up!
You know, I'm fucking sick of people like you,
calling yourself an artist, when you're just a fucking hack.
- You should jump off that cliff. - [shouts] Fuck you!
[yells]
[dramatic music]
Damn it, Rambo. You really need to tie better knots.
Valiant effort, kid. I'll make it quick.
Oh, God.
- Just do it, man. - Happy to oblige.
[shotgun cocks]
[music increases]
What the--
[ethereal chiming]
Watering Holes? How do you know about Watering Holes?
How do you know about Watering Holes?
There's no way you know about this movie.
[Dexter] I wrote and directed it, okay?
- Bullshit, the director is-- - Dusty Peter!
- Yeah, that's me! - But you said your name was Dexter.
Yes, but I use Dusty as a pseudonym for projects of ill repute.
What about the DP?
There weren't any DP scenes in Watering Holes.
No, the director of photography of Watering Holes. Who is it?
Oh, oh, th-- Harry Rod, also a pseudonym.
Producers?
Uh, Amber Clam,
Dick Nob and, and me, Dusty Peter.
Last line of the film.
Is this really necessary?
Last line!
"Well, the holes, they are watered,
but now we've made landfall."
[both] "I guess the desert's not so dry after all."
Oh, my God. You did make Watering Holes! This is amazing.
- Let me help you. Yeah, let's get you up. - [groans]
- Oh, Jesus Christ. - [sighs]
You have no idea how much that movie means to me.
- I've seen it a hundred, thousands of times, man. - Really?
- Yeah. - Oh, well, I guess I'm just glad to meet someone
- that finally gets it. - Yeah! Man!
Th-- Jesus. I'm so sorry if I hurt you. You okay?
Let's, let-- let's get you cozy. Let's have you sit down and have a seat.
That sounds nice.
- Take my rock. Take my rock. - [Dexter] Okay.
Okay. Yeah. Thank you.
Yeah, man, I-- I've had a bad day, you know.
I-- I mean, you tried to kill me, uh, twice,
and then it was, like, snowing, and then it wasn't snowing, and,
and then I, I just-- Maybe you could just tell me what's going on, you know?
[grunts] Dude!
Come on! Answer the question.
It's about your friend, the cowboy,
the one with the scar on his side.
He, he had his appendix out. How do you know about that?
Well, he's got a piece of foil in him and Tom wants it.
- Okay. Tom? Oh, Tom! - Here.
- Yeah. - From last-- [grunting] I'm not hungry, man"
- Oh, okay. I-- You need your strength! - Tom from last night?
Is that what you're talking about?
- That foil? - Yeah.
- You just sit down and you tell me what's going on. - [sighs]
What does this mean? That, that you'r-- you're Tom's muscle or something?
Okay, here's the deal. Every once in a while, somebody comes along
with a piece of foil inside of them, and Tom can sense it.
Then he lures them to the trailer.
That's when it's my job to neutralize the threat
of anybody that's not the target.
- Me. - So then Tom goes to work on them.
- Goes to work? - [Rambo] Yeah, like right now,
he's probably delivering some speech
about the high powers of the universe,
brainwashing him while he drinks him blind.
And pretty soon, your buddy Rex will be so hammered
that the idea of Tom operating on him
won't be such a bad idea after all.
So we need to go before he drinks him under the table.
[whimsical music]
Actually, man, if that's really what's happening,
- I think we got some time. - Well, how do you mean?
Well, in all the years I've known him, I've learned one thing.
You can't drink Rex under the table.
Are you ready to, uh,
become the captain of your own ship?
- Yeah. - Alright. [laughs]
- You got a flashlight? - No.
- You got water? - Uh, I got this jug.
- One jug for the whole weekend? - Wh-- hold on, man.
Why should I believe a single thing that you've said to me so far, huh?
Uh, old magical men with, with implants of foil?
I mean, a second ago, you were just gonna kill me!
How do I know you're not some crazy tourist
on a bad mushroom trip or something?
And if any of this is real,
why aren't we off calling the police right now?
Have you checked your watch lately?
No, I don't have a watch.
- What about a radio? - No.
- Walkie-talkie? - Uh, no!
Jesus, kid, what kind of camper are you?
- What about a compass? - I-- Yeah, I do have a compass.
- Okay. Where? Where's that? - Uh.
- Look in that sock. - Why would it be in your s-- Oh, yeah. Here it is.
- Yeah. - Try getting out of here with that, Jeremiah Johnson.
- Oh, my-- Whoa! - Yeah. You'll never get out of here,
no matter how hard you try, it's all scrambled.
- The vortex. - No, it's not the vortex, you idiot. It's him!
He's causing projections in your mind
of whatever he wants, wherever he wants.
But it drains him, so he's gotta be sneaky about it.
- Things you won't expect. - Oh, my God.
Well, well, if this mind projection stuff is a thing that's happening,
who's to say he's not doing other stuff
- like that to us right now? - Exactly.
- Who's to say? - Right. Who is to say?
Yeah. Who is to say?
- Who is? - Who is? Right.
- Who is? - Who-- Are you saying?
No.
[Tom] Alright, my friend,
you are about to experience
a new level of transformation
you have never experienced before.
I am so excited for you.
[beeping and chiming]
How do you feel?
Oh, oh, hang on, hang on. Let me, uh--
let me take care of that for you.
- How do you feel? - I feel...
...feel-- I gotta pee.
- I gotta pee-- - Whoa, whoa, whoa, hang on, hang on.
Whoa, whoa. Hang on, hang on. Hang-- Whoa, whoa.
Where are you going?
Where's your bathroom at? I gotta pee.
Uh--
[growling]
What the hell?
[growling continues]
Now, that was a cougar.
Yes, they, uh, they do tend
to come around these parts quite often.
Uh, this usually scares them away.
[beeping]
[growling]
[whooshing]
Okay. [chuckles]
- What the-- Wh-- Wasn't the door right there? - Oh!
Look at you, all turned around. Um, actually, the door is on the other side,
uh, but, uh, you're not gonna be able to use the toilet because it's on the fritz right now.
But thankfully, nature's just one giant toilet.
So have at it.
Okay, coug-whisperer.
[whooshing]
[jazz music]
[Rambo] Okay, so here's the plan. This is the campsite here,
- your tent, your buddy's. You go past the boneyard. - [Dexter] Mm-hmm.
[Rambo] Go through the ridgeline here.
We don't wanna go over there because this is a, a nail trap.
- It could really, severely hurt you. - [Dexter] Okay. Right.
- And then what's this? - [Rambo] Oh, this is a really pretty family of snakes,
- but they're really mean, so we don't wanna go that way. - [Dexter] Okay.
[Rambo] So we walk through the ridgeline here,
and, uh, we get up here to the lookout.
This is the, uh, the trailer. I'm the shotgun.
- You're the nail polish. - [Dexter] Wait, why am I the nail polish?
[Rambo] Well, because I'm the shotgun shell.
Why didn't he just kill us both last night
and take the foil then? Why is he playing
- all these mind games? - Uh, 'cause the subject needs
to be alive when he, uh, takes the foil out
or else it's no good. It's a very delicate process.
[Dexter] Why don't I come over and sort of post up here,
and that way we have two vantage points on Tom?
[Rambo] No, no, no, no, no, no. You need to stay with me
because Tom trusts me and I don't get scrambled.
You'll be scrambled over here.
Got it. Okay, but it sounds like regardless of what we do,
we just need to take out Tom before he can harvest and then kill all of us,
- right? We gotta kill Tom. - What are you talking about?
We can't just go in there guns blazing.
What are yo-- You've seen Platoon, right?
- It's a disaster. This is what we're gonna do. - Okay.
We're just gonna talk to him.
- Got it. Okay. - That's what we gotta do. We just talk to him first.
You know what? If we can't shoot him,
then, by golly,
- we can shoot him! - What the hell is that? Is that a Polaroid?
It's a MiniDV. It's, it's digital, straight out of Japan.
- A Mini TV. Good God, that's amazing. - Isn't that cool?
And so I'm thinking at least we can just film what's happening to Rex here
to gather evidence, you know, if not for the,
you know, science community, at least for the authorities.
- Right? Proof. - Right. Right. So when they find our dead bodies,
boom, proof is there in the pudding.
Let's go. Let's get out of here.
- Huh. - We gotta go!
Okay.
Hey, man, uh, you probably shouldn't be leaving these fires unattended.
You know, you never know what could happen. Uh--
should probably just kick this out. You just keep going.
I got it.
Don't worry about it.
[clears throat]
- [whistling] - [beeping and chiming]
- What in the hell are you doing? - [chuckles]
Well, the magnets are drawing the foil to the surface
in the most delicate and least invasive way possible.
- Right. Like magnetic. Tectonic. Yeah. - Yes, exactly.
I do believe you are primed and ready, my friend.
Alright.
All my gear is clean and safe.
Freaking wild.
You ready, my friend?
[keyboard clacking]
How about one more shot?
One more shot? You finished my beer, my whiskey.
You drunk me dry, sailor.
No problemo.
I brought a little something myself.
What is that?
If I said it's aged ten years, would that mean anything to you?
[birds chirping]
- [sighs] - Hey.
Come on.
Let's, uh, let's drink.
- Let's drink, uh, to the foil. Right? - Alright.
Mm.
- [sighs] - Whoo, that's good.
Uh-uh. There you go. Big one.
Big rip. Big rip.
- Oh! To the foil! - [chuckling] To the foil!
- Alright. - Yes, sir.
Alright, let's get on the table, boy. Let's get cracking.
[computer chiming and beeping]
[Dexter] So how did you get into this whole mess with Tom?
[Rambo] Well, a long time ago, years ago,
I came out with a buddy to go camping just like you.
My buddy had the foil in him.
Tom harvested him, killed him, and he would've killed me too,
if I didn't convince him that I would help him find more.
So what do you get out of it?
I get to live. That's it.
Huh. Whoa. So you're like Silver Surfer?
- Yeah. - And he's like Galactus.
- Yeah. - Huh.
- But you both live together. - Yeah, we're roommates.
You know, in the beginning, all we did was hunt for foil.
But it was like a constant rat wheel of waiting and killing.
Waiting and killing. Waiting and--
Killing.
[Rambo] After a couple of kills, you just got so numb to it.
What do you think?
Oh, yeah.
Check this out.
Things got really bad.
We lost ourselves.
I mean, it got to the point where I couldn't even remember
what life was like before the killing.
[screaming]
I was actually pooping in the sink
- and peeing in the tub. - What?
I had to convince Tom that we needed something to pass the time.
[echoing] Boo!
Something to connect us to humanity.
[laughing]
We needed movies.
- So to Blockbuster we went. - [gasps]
- The film study group. - Yeah.
[doo-wop music]
[Rambo] Those were the days. Whatever we wanted,
we just took it, watched it, studied the hell out of it.
Wow. So you just stole all the tapes?
Well, yeah, but I didn't feel bad about it
because it wasn't a mom and pop shop.
I would never do that. It was a Blockbuster.
- They'd be fine. - Right. Absolutely.
[Rambo] So we started with the Oscars.
Then we moved on into the classics.
- [shouting] - And then the Blockbuster hits, you know?
- Right. Like Rambo? - What?
Oh, no, no. Like the Stallone Rambo.
- Tremors? - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, those were my go to
when I would talk to strangers at first.
- Yeah. - But around this time, Tom's taste and mine
- started to drift apart. - Huh.
[Rambo] He was all about the performances, you know?
'Cause she got a great ass!
He thought if he studied those, he could unlock the key to talking to strangers
- in any situation. He was a machine. - Whoa.
[Rambo] But for me, the more I watched these movies,
the more I realized these weren't real at all.
I went the other direction. I started looking
at the un-movieness moments in movies.
And that's when I found it,
the Holy Grail...
- ...Watering Holes. - [sighs]
In no movie ever have I been more convinced
that there is no acting going on at all,
- whatsoever. - Yeah. That feels a little bit unfai-- Hey, wait.
Does that mean you found a copy of Watering Holes in a Blockbuster?
Well, it wasn't on the shelf.
It was in, uh, the back, in the manager's room.
I think it was part of his private stash or something.
But I'm telling you, man, like, the constant looks to the camera,
the, the overlapping of lines, the forgetting of lines, the, the crew in every frame.
- Right. - I think I heard three actors fart
- in three separate scenes, man. It's incredible. - Yeah. Yeah. We had
a really bad lactose intolerance incident on the film.
That's-- yeah. Yeah, I get it. Okay, I get it.
The movie is un-movie. I get that.
No, no, no, but tha-- but it's real,
and those are real fucking people
fucking in those hot springs, man.
And it's revolutionary.
[chuckles] Wow. Revolutionary?
- Yeah, I'm telling you. - Thanks, man. That,
in a weird way, that means a lot.
No, I mean, well, the movie sucks still, but it--
that doesn't mean it's not important, you know?
Yeah. Yeah. Hey, dude, thank you.
Thank you, man. Seriously, it's just an honor to hang out with you.
[chuckles] You know, man, given all the stuff you're looking for in movies,
I have to ask, have you not heard of a documentary?
A, a what?
- [Tom] Alright, easy now. Easy. - [groaning]
For your vitals.
Alright, I'm just gonna grab my instruments.
You're doing great! You're doing great... [mumbling]
Whoa. Wha-- are you sure we can't just go back
and take one more shot?
So I take it that shotgunning Tom is just fully off the table, yeah?
I'm not gonna shoot my roommate, dude.
- I told you this already. No. - Fine.
- [sighs] - I mean, I've never shot a gun in my life,
- so there's no way I'm doing it. - Yeah. Right.
So I think we're pretty locked in on just talking to him?
Yeah, just, we'll just go there and figure it out.
What? You don't know what you wanna say? Y-- you're gonna wing it?
Yeah, I just-- I don't know. I'll just go.
Stay in the moment, act natural, you know? What's the problem?
I'm just saying we should have some kind of a plan, man.
Well, you've known him for ten minutes, I've known him forever.
Yeah, you know what?
You're right. You know Tom better than anybody.
In fact, one could even say that you could stroke that ego a bit
- if you wanted to. - What do you mean?
What I mean to say is you could push the right buttons,
turn the right gears. I mean,
I could even go as far as to say that you could
butter him up, if you know what I mean.
Butter him u-- No. What do you mean?
You know, like, butter him up?
Oh, oh, you're talking Watering Holes, scene six,
- when Trent tries to coax Gwyneth into skinny dipping... - Skinny dipping.
- Back door spring. Yes! - ...in the back door spring. Yes.
You could do that to Tom.
He, he puts that body butter on so thick,
she has no choice but to wash it all off,
and, and he'll listen to you, he'll listen to everything you say
because he's so utterly buttered.
I mean, if it's the only way, I guess I could butter his ass up.
Yeah. So that he'll listen.
Well, okay, great. Uh, do you have a stick of butter?
[lively western music]
[indistinct mumbling]
- That's what you use for this? The tarp? - Oh!
Oh, it's for the mess.
The mess. Uh, okay. Do you wash that ever? Or--
- Multiuse. Very sterile. - Uh-huh.
Uh, this helmet is a little tight, little bit of a headache going.
Is that normal? Or is that--
- [whooshing] - Whoa!
Whoa!
You know, day drinking will do that to you.
Wow.
[Rambo whispering] Alright. Stay low.
It's right up here.
Oh, yeah, there they are. Whoa, what are you doing?
- What? I'm filming. - You gonna film?
- Yeah. - Can I maybe do the director thing?
'Cause I've never done that before. I've always wanted to do it.
- Oh, yeah. Okay, sure. That's cool. - Yeah? That would be great.
- Yeah, we could do a little thing-- - That's fun. Oh, yeah,
maybe we do, like, an intro thing of me,
like, saying what's gonna happen.
Okay, you are looking beautiful.
And go time.
Hi. Hi. Hello.
- My name is Dexter Wiggins-- - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Wait a minute. [mockingly] "Hi. Hi. Hello." - What?
- You're right. I'm sorry. - That is so unreal.
- I'm nervous. Okay. - Do it real because you might die,
and you want people to know you're a real person.
- Got it. - Okay, hold on. Alright. And go time.
Hi. My name is Dexter Wiggins, and it is Sunday, October 26th, 1997.
And we are documenting my findings here tonight in case something of criminal
or scientific significance happens within this tape.
With that said, I think it's time that we film. Yeah?
Can you say something about me, though? You know, like, put me in it?
- Like a credit? - A credit! Yeah. I want a credit!
Okay. Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine.
Uh, filming with me today is an associate by the name of--
[Rambo] Rambo! Name's Rambo. I'm here to kick ass and take names. And focus...
- Cool. Cool. He's doing the zooms. That's fun. - [mimics whirring]
- [Dexter] Yep. That's what he's doing. - Okay.
And he's helping me rescue my cohort, Rex O'Bannion,
from what seems to be a potentially dangerous stranger.
- And now I am taking the camera. - Okay.
Here we go.
Oh, my God. He's already on the table!
Yeah. He's been here the whole time,
- just laying there. - What? You could've told me!
- He could cut into him at any minute! - [Rambo] Yeah,
- I know he's in a lot of danger! - Jesus Christ.
Okay, I gotta get a frame, and we gotta get in there.
- [Rambo] Frame. I love that. - Okay.
[whirring]
What the--
[dramatic music]
- [shouts] What the hell? - What? What, cougar?
What? [panting]
[shouts] Oh, shit! Fuck! Look. Look through the camera!
- Do you see it? - Oh. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Yeah!
What is this camera? It sees right through his projections.
It's a MiniDV, man. Wait. Projections? Did you know?
- [Rex] What's going on, man? I'm ready for extraction. - [shushes]
[tense music]
Who's out there?
Oh, God. Our cover's blown.
- We gotta go. - [Dexter] No. No. No.
Did you-- you lied to me, didn't you? Did you lie?
Show yourself!
- Yeah. So I might have lied. - How fucking dare you, man?
I mean, I'll explain later. We gotta go.
I-- do the butter thing, remember?
You know what? Fuck this. [grunts]
- What are you doing? - [heavily breathing]
I just found my stick of butter.
- Get moving. - [sighs]
God damn it.
[Dexter] Ahoy there!
It is I,
Dexter!
Is that Wet Blanket?
Hey, Dex!
Welcome to the party, pal!
Some pretty cool stuff is going on here, man.
Rambo, what are you doing here? Wh-- what's going on?
Uh, funny thing, T.
You had a very specific assignment!
[Rambo] Yeah, I know, change of plans.
No! No, we don't change plans, ever!
But this is the guy that made Watering Holes.
Watery Holes?
[Rex laughing] The Watery Hole!
Yeah, you know, the movie I love so much
- with the butter and the hot springs? - [shouts] What?
Th-- the porno with the farting?
- Yeah. - You directed that smut?
You're goddamn right I did!
Oh, T, uh, Dexter has this camera thing, this Mini RV from Japan,
and it, uh it can see through your projections, we saw everything.
- Everything? - Yeah.
So, Rambo, why don't you take you ropes over there and tie everybody up?
We're gonna have ourselves a little experiment.
[whirring]
What is your major malfunction, numbnuts?
Just hear him out, Tom. Alright?
Thank you very much, Rambo, now why don't you come back?
Okay.
- And turn around. Yeah. - What?
What the hell?
[grunts] Okay.
Well, I'm already tied up.
You can't tie me up anymore.
- [whirring increases] - [laughs and coughs] Ow, ow, ow.
[suspenseful western music]
[Rex] Dexter, chill out, man.
Alright, we're in the middle of something here.
- You don't know everything. - You don't know everything.
You remember in the Bronco, man, when you asked me, what would you do if we saw one?
Yeah, that's what I'm talking about, man.
We're making contact.
I got the coordinates in my head.
I got the foil in my hip.
You don't get it, Rex, you've already made contact.
The alien is sitting right there.
It's Tom, and my camera proves it.
You're just jealous that I found something cool out here,
and you got bored with your silent treatment
so you're coming over here to ruin my fun!
No, man, he causes projections and I can show you man,
I have the footage.
Oh, what footage?
- Look, look. - 'Cause is gonna be great.
Let me just bring up playback.
[camera whirring]
- [Dexter] Hey, Mom! - Get your butt in here.
- [Dexter] Come check this out-- - Uh, not this part.
This part's not important. Hold on.
- [camera whirring] - Come on!
No wonder you can't make it in Hollywood.
[Dexter] He could cut into him at any minute.
- [Dexter] Straight out of Japan. I can't-- - [scoffs]
[camera whirring]
- [Dexter yells] - Uh-huh! Uh!
Okay. Okay. Ha! Right here.
- Boom! - Oh, my God.
- Look. See? See? Your tentacles and all, Tom. - [gasps]
I just got drunk with an alien. [sharply exhales]
- [laughs] - [shouts] That's your reaction?
- I just got drunk with an alien! - [Dexter] He's trying to kill you, man!
- [groaning] - [Dexter] What the hell is this helmet doing to him?
Enough of this. We are doing my test.
- This should be fun. - Alright.
To prove to you guys that I am not an alien,
I'm gonna film myself, okay?
Huh? You see me? Am I an alien?
- No. - Okay.
[sharply exhales] Now, Rex, even though sometimes I have my doubts.
I'm hot-blooded. Check it and see.
- [Dexter] Yeah. - Human.
- [Rambo] Human.
That just leaves you, Rambo.
You know me, you know my story!
You don't have to do this.
I think you should, you know, film him.
I think you'll be surprised.
The results may be otherworldly.
Oh, "otherworldly." Yeah, right. Yeah.
[scoffs] This is ridiculous.
Is it ridiculous? Is it as ridiculous
as some guy hanging out with an alien in an Airstream for how many years?
Killing on command?
Rambo,
are you an, an alien?
[dramatic music]
Why don't you film him and find out?
Okay.
[music increases]
- Boo! - [yells]
- [shouts] - [clicks]
[laughing] You tie worse knots than Rambo.
What? There's two of him!
[Tom] Untie him.
Okay. Okay.
- Okay. Alright. Alright. Alright. - [grunts]
Sorry. He's free. He's free. He's free.
Rambo, will you get up and help me, God damn it?
No, I'm not. I'm human. I'm staying.
[sighs]
You know, all this talk about freedom and...
...home? I mean,
what is home even? Where is it?
Where are you from?
- The scar? - What scar?
The scar under your bandana.
Do you have any idea how you got that?
Do I have a scar?
[softly] Yeah.
[Rex] Big Daddy.
[Tom] When we crashed...
...you came to and you... [chuckles]
...you, you insisted that you were a human.
And this was your projection.
This was it. This was all that you projected since then.
Some Dennis Hopper knockoff. I tried to tell you,
every day I tried to tell you the truth about who you are.
And every morning, no, it's like, "I'm a human.
I'm Rambo," but, you know, pretty soon I just gave up.
I just let you run with it. But not now. Not tonight.
Tonight is when you face the truth.
This is not your home.
It never was.
Tonight, we're going back!
[light dramatic music]
Come on, Rambo.
- I'll tell you everything. - [Rex] Whoa.
Check it out. The trailer door's back!
- Hey, man, you alright? Your ropes too tight? - No! Don't touch him!
Sorry! Sorry!
Listen, I've done the math.
This guy's got enough foil in him to get us home.
I'm not going with you, Tom, I don't care what the truth is.
[Tom] There's nothing for you here.
You know who you are.
Okay, well, if I am an alien,
then where are our people?
Why haven't they contacted us? Why aren't they coming for us?
We have been crashed for 60 years. Back home,
that's six days, right?
I don't wanna wait here for another 600 years
for some stealth extractor to find us.
- 600? What the-- - Yes!
You know the policy of headquarters.
Right? "A downed ship..."
"...never was."
Right.
The point is, this guy,
he is our ticket out of here.
All we got to do is keep him conscious
and download the coordinates home.
- Coordinates? - Yes, they embedded it,
the binary code, in his subconscious.
- The helmet? - Yes.
I thought your helmet was all bullshit.
No, it's not bullshit. It's been downloading
since you got here. We're gonna get everything
that we need to go home.
[panting] Hey, Dex...
...if I don't make it out of here,
there's something I want you to have.
- Okay, man. Yeah. - [Rex] Alright. Are you listening?
- [Dexter] Yeah. What is it? - In my wallet there is a coupon.
That coupon is a rent one, get one free at Kling-On Video.
I want you to take it.
I want you to use it.
I want you to save it for a special night.
- Alright? - Okay.
Uh, look, man, how about, uh,
how about I do you one better, huh? Uh,
- when we get out of here... - [whispers] Okay.
...can I sleep on your couch?
- What? - Yeah.
What are you talking about?
You're going back to Hollywood on Monday.
No, man. I got evicted.
I don't live there anymore.
And as for Monday... [chuckles]
...that meeting was never official.
I just knew a secretary that could get me in the building.
[mellow music]
Outside of a Hail Mary,
come Monday, I'm gonna be out on my ass.
[chuckles] ♪ Come Monday it'll be alright ♪
♪ Come Monday, I'll-- ♪
- Ow. - Ooh, ooh. Easy, big buddy.
I need you.
We need each other. We can't do this alone.
Please, let's go home.
[computer chimes]
- Get back in there. - [whooshing]
Tom?
Oh.
And welcome back. Thanks for the sidebar.
What was that sound?
Congratulations.
You're the first camper that's been dumb enough
to keep that helmet on this long,
at least without getting killed or, uh, keeling over.
Yeah, well, you don't drink Rex under the table.
And you don't strap him to one either.
- [growls] - [gasps]
- [Dexter] Yes! - Hey, is that my--
Your knife from the campsite? You're damn right!
What are you doing? Giving them knives, shotguns?
- Whose side are you on? - I don't know!
I can't shoot him, I'll nick the foil!
Dex, you know what to do.
Hell, yeah. Rex-Dex Superflex!
- Hey, hey, hey! - Go! Go for it!
[yells and grunts]
[panting]
Go, Rex, go!
I'm free, Dex.
We could go all the...
[yells]
- [thud] - Ooh!
[Rex] ...way.
- [groans] - [Dexter grunting]
What happened?
[groaning and panting]
[sighs]
[suspenseful music]
- [whooshing] - [Dexter] Oh, shit. Rex.
Oh, just kill me.
Looks like you found your burial site a little early there, huh, cowboy?
- [groaning] - [Rambo] Here, come here, let me help you up.
- [Rex grunts] - Whoa.
Yeah. I've been doing some day drinking.
But I'll tell you what,
when you see an alien on tape,
that'll sober you up real quick.
So here's the deal.
There is no way y'all are getting me back on that table.
This is a camping-- it's a, it's a hunting knife.
Rex, what are you gonna do?
I could throw it.
Chances are I'll hit one of you.
And at this point, I don't care who.
I guess no one ever told him,
you're not supposed to bring a banana
to a gunfight.
- [whooshing] - [laughing]
Ugh! Banana! Ugh!
God! Ugh!
He projected that into your mind, man.
That was a perfectly good knife you just threw away.
No! No! That was a banana! I hate bananas.
- [whimpering] - [Tom] You really do hate bananas.
[softly] It's okay. It's okay.
It's okay, because I got this.
[laughing]
[gasps and shouts] What?
No, no, no! God!
[Rex] Bananas!
[Tom] Hey, cowboy.
You got anything else under there
you wanna share with us? Any more knives?
Uh, slingshot? Pea shooter, maybe?
Didn't think so. Alright, Rambo, go get him.
- Okay. - Hey. No, no, no, no.
Rambo, don't, don't. Don't do this, man.
Remember what we talked about all day, how you wanted to save us,
- you know, Watering Holes? You gotta do the right thing! - Yeah. I know. I know.
But I, I just wanna go home, like, wher-- wherever that is, you know?
But, uh, I mean, I did make a deal with them.
I told them that they could go free, and, you know, I would like to stick to that.
You know, like, like butter.
- Step into my office. - Uh, one second.
Okay.
[Rex] Butter? Bananas?
What the hell is this, a farmer's market?
What are you, baking bread?
Why can't you just hold onto a banana?
- Who is this clown? - He is an ally, okay?
We'll be light-years away before these kids even get out of here.
- Rambo. - Please!
- [sighs] - Tom, please, please.
Alright.
If we can take off, they can live.
Yes?
Oh, my God, you're the best. Let's go tell them.
[crickets chirping]
Okay,
here's the deal. Um,
we're gonna let you guys go, but we gotta get the foil out of his hip,
- and then that's it, we'll let you go. - Oh.
- No. No deal. - [Dexter] How about this?
Do you swear on Watering Holes that we get to live?
Yeah, I swear on Watering Holes. I, I-- I swear on Dusty Peter's life.
- That's my life! - Dex, do something!
- Ten minutes. Operating table. Let's go. Chop, chop. - [Rex] Dex--
It's the only deal on the table, man.
- We gotta take it. - No. No table, no deal.
It's a little dark down there,
but it's about to get pretty bright up here.
- [Dexter] Where is that from? - [Rambo] I wrote it. It's mine.
[ominous music]
Whoa! [yelling]
- [thud] - [ringing]
The gortex--
[thudding]
[western music]
[Tom] Alright. Here we go. Let's get to work. [laughs]
Alright.
You alright, buddy?
Oh, man.
Wow.
- What is it? - I'm not good with, uh--
- You're not good with, uh-- - You know, the, uh--
- Blood? - Yeah.
[thudding]
Was that the sound of a wet blanket hitting the dirt?
[soft squelching]
[light whirring]
[Rex heavily breathing]
[Rex groaning]
- Oh, my God. - Oh, hey, man.
[Rex] He did it.
- Did he do it? - [Dexter] Oh, yeah.
- Oh! He did it. - Oh, God.
Oh! He did it. [groans]
But you're gonna be okay. You're gonna be okay, man.
- [sharply exhales] - Also, dude, check it out.
[Rex] Oh, my God.
The foil is fuel, man. That's why Tom wants it so bad.
That's why he's been harvesting it.
The foil is fuel.
[Dexter whispers] Yeah.
I mean, honestly, the amount
that you were correct about all of this is mind boggling.
- I told you, wasn't a park ranger. - [laughs]
Oh, my!
My baby is up and running.
I haven't heard her purr like that in decades!
Well, we held up our end of the bargain, right, so are we free to go?
- That's the deal. - Well, here's the thing.
- [Rambo] The thing? - The thing?
What thing?
Now, I don't wanna be "terse,"
is it, Dexter? But, um, you boys being here
after we go,
or I go,
is not gonna sit well with our people.
[tense music]
- What? - You see, the thing is,
about us kind of folks,
is that we like to avoid detection.
After all you two have seen today,
it kind of makes you loose ends.
I don't like loose ends.
I can't believe what I'm hearing!
Tom, we had a deal.
No, I had to deal with you!
- Right. - Which is why I'm still gonna offer you
a space in my ship
on one condition.
[Rambo] What?
You, you, you betrayed me.
- No. - Yes.
But, despite your treachery,
you're still one of my own.
- Thank you. - You're like family to me.
- I've been nothing but loyal to you. - True.
So start showing some loyalty back.
What do you--
[Tom] Blast these two and let's get out of here.
If you don't, I'll blast all three of you,
and then I'll leave. Or maybe I'll blast--
Say "blast" one more time!
It's gonna be a blast!
Oh, don't get cute with me, Rambo.
You... [echoing] don't have enough shells for all of me.
[whooshing]
Fuck! What do we do?
Only one of these is the real one, right?
Just pick one and shoot.
That's not a gamble he's willing to take, son.
Fuck.
I'm sorry, kid.
Rambo, don't do this.
Ticktock, Rambo.
[gun cocks]
[tense music]
"Well, the holes, they are watered...
...but now we've made landfall."
"I guess the desert is not so dry after all."
[music increases]
- Wait, no! - [Tom] Blast him!
- [thudding] - [shotgun cocks]
- Bring it! - [gunshot fires]
[whooshing]
Oh, nicely done, Rambo.
Alright.
Let's get the hell out of here.
["Come Monday" by Twinkle Twinkle Little Rock Star]
[crickets chirping]
[Tom grunts]
[sharply exhales]
Ooh! [laughs]
Ooh. Oh, my.
It has been a day!
[laughs] Ooh.
Oh, those frontal lobes are throbbing.
Oh, hey! Almost forgot.
[soft whirring]
Alright!
Let's get on home!
[laughing]
So long, neighbors!
Ooh! [grunts]
[grunting]
Ooh.
[grunts] Think I'd better shut this.
[soft whirring]
[Tom giggling]
Oh, yes, yes!
[AI] Coordinates acquired. Route set.
[beeping and whirring]
[Tom] Oh.
Second star from the right, straight on until morning.
[Tom laughing]
I'm not gonna be able to forgive myself.
Those were good kids, man.
- What are you doing? - [whirring]
Whoa, you hear that?
Did you hear what I said? We fucked up, man.
We fucked up.
Oh, absolutely.
I mean, we are fucked up.
What does that button do?
[Rambo] What, ar-- are you fucked up?
- [Tom] Ooh. - Oh, God. You're fucked up.
- [Tom] Oh! - You're fucked up!
Ooh. Ooh, did you feel that?
- Did you feel that? - Oh, my God, you're fucked up.
Buckle up, buttercup.
["Come Monday" by Twinkle Twinkle Little Rock Star]
[engines rumbling]
[whirring]
[laughing] Let's hit it!
[screaming]
Hang on! [screaming]
Tom! Fly, fly straight, Tom!
- [laughing and crying] - [beeping]
Get it together, man!
[deep voice] Get it together, man!
[Tom crying]
- [AI] Pull up! - Dude!
[AI] Pull up! Pull up!
- Dude! Fuck! - [AI] Pull up! Pull up!
[whirring and whistling]
[loud crashing]
Oh, shit. Rex. Rex!
Rex! Rex! Rex!
- Holy-- Rex! - [shouts and gasps]
- Oh, thank God. - [groaning]
- Oh, he shot us, man. - Yeah.
Oh, he fucking shot us!
He did.
- Well, then why aren't we-- - Dead?
The birdshot. Remember what I told you?
"Enough to ruin your day..."
"...not enough to kill"! [laughing]
- Oh! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! - [groaning]
Okay.
- Okay. [groans] - [groans]
Oh, shit. [groans]
Did they--
[laughs] Dude, I think they crashed!
Did you piss in their gas tank or something?
[groaning] Don't make me laugh. Don't make me laugh. [coughs]
Tom and I,
we, uh,
we drank the mushrooms.
You drank the mushrooms?
I sprinkled them in my flask when you weren't looking.
- [Dexter] You goddamn degenerate! - [laughs]
And they're just hitting you both now?
Yeah. I guess they are still good.
[laughing] Fuck me, dude.
I told you to leave that shit in the car.
[sharply exhales] Yeah, well,
you told me a lot of things.
Yeah. Yeah, I did.
- [sighs] Give me a hand. - Come on, get up.
[groaning]
- [Dexter] Oh, man. - Oh, no. Your camera, they smashed it.
- Oh, yeah. No. No, no. That's dead, baby. - Get the tape. Get the tape out.
But that footage-- that footage you shot.
[softly] It's fine. It's fine.
It's a story we can always tell. Don't worry about it.
- [sighs] - Think anybody will believe it?
[chuckles] I sure as shit wouldn't.
Let's get out of here.
[Dexter] Yeah, let me check something.
[birds chirping]
Phew! Yeah. Think we're good to walk home.
So, you know where we're going?
Let's just head west.
I'm pretty sure that's east.
[laughs] Yeah, man.
Hey, but hey, when we get there,
yes.
Yes what?
You can crash on my couch.
But no silent treatments.
Comprende?
[sighs] Comprende.
[Rex] Alright. Let's get out of here.
[rock music]
The Bronco is this way, right?
[Dexter] I don't think you're gonna be driving it.
- [Rex] What? - Rambo gutted it when he took your shotgun.
[Rex] Damn it. Well, looks like I need a job again.
- You know anybody that's hiring? - [Dexter] You know, there's actually an opening
- at Kling-On Video right now. - Really?
Do you have an in? Can you introduce me?
[Dexter] That depends. Do you play D&D?
- [Rex] TNT? What? - [Dexter] Dungeons & Dragons.
They play it every Monday and on full moons.
Tuesdays are Tekken Tuesdays.
[rock music continues]