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BASED ON A NOVEL BY NICCI FRENCH
It's all there, inside my head.
I want to remember.
I need to know exactly what happened.
Dear Nathalie, my very best friend.
Eva. Eva, where were you? We've been calling you.
-Nothing. -Where's Nathalie?
How should I know?
Nathalie? Nathalie!
It's our secret.
I need to uncover my memories. Put the puzzle back together.
Alain Deridder. You're turning 70 today. Congratulations.
Thank you. But it's no big deal really.
All you need to do is wake up alive on your birthday.
To mark your 70th birthday, your bestseller Desire and Reason
is being reprinted after 30 years.
Yes, that was my old publisher and good friend Huub Ruttenberg's idea.
Sadly, he passed away a few months ago and didn't get to see the revival.
No. At the time it was described as exciting, sexy and rebellious.
Are you talking about me or my book?
-Oh, Eva. -Hi, Sonja. Were you not expecting me?
I was. The family told me.
It's nice of Claude to invite you.
I've made up Nathalie's old room for you.
Claude is going to sleep in his old room with Julien. Is that alright with you?
Of course. As long as it's okay for Claude.
I came early because I'd agreed to meet with the contractor about the guest house.
-They're already in the garden. -Really?
They've already started. On Alain's birthday?
-Yes, I thought it was strange too. -There's my girl.
There's my girl. Finally.
-That's my girl. -Hi, Martha.
I need to go see the contractor, but we'll have a chat after that, okay?
-Yes. -I always say, "Sex is like pizza."
-Even when it's bad, it's still good. -He's on good form.
And he still doesn't know about this evening?
-I don't think so. -Good.
-Hello? Sir? -Yeah, I'll call you back.
Excuse me, what's going on?
I thought we were having a meeting today and work would start on Monday.
It was either a day sooner or within three months.
We had to squeeze it in.
But you shouldn't be digging here. The guest house is going over there.
But you can't see that from behind your desk in Rotterdam. I understand.
Over there, it's too close to the trees, and the roots, well…
That's not for you to decide. I've never known anything like it.
-Stop digging immediately. -Stop! Stop!
Seems your staff are more reasonable than you.
Look at this!
Could it be from an animal?
POLICE
You okay?
You are Eva Ruttenberg, the architect.
Yes, but I was also Nathalie's best friend. We were inseparable.
Our investigation has yet to prove that that is Nathalie.
It is Nathalie.
We wore a lot of black back then. We thought it was cool.
-Were you in the same class? -No, we lived in Rotterdam.
My father was Alain's publisher. Our families were really close.
Were?
We still are close. It's just a bit complicated.
My parents passed away earlier this year. I'm married to Claude.
Deridder? So you're family then?
We have a son who's almost 18, but we're getting a divorce.
But he insisted I come to Alain's party.
My brother's coming too.
He and his family always come to these things.
Nathalie disappeared in the summer of '97. Were you here then?
Yes. It was Alain and Martha's wedding day.
Our parents were on a cruise and we, the children,
had organised a surprise party.
We invited all their friends, and ours too, of course.
Lots of guests stayed over in the house. The kids slept in tents in the woods.
The party continued the next morning. Breakfast, champagne.
And did you notice anything unusual about Nathalie at the party?
I don't think I saw that much of her.
Come and see Mum. Julien.
You okay?
-Claude Deridder. -Helen Devreese, inspector.
My mother and I kept believing she would come back one day,
but she was here all along.
In the yard.
Do you remember anything about Nathalie at the party before she disappeared?
I spent most of the night by the barbecue. Together with Paul, Eva's brother.
-She came to get her food. -These people don't have anything yet.
I remember we'd even bought veggie burgers especially for her.
After that, I saw her a couple of times in the distance.
I heard you guys went to India. Cool. Nathalie told me.
-I'm heading out there later. -Tonight?
Nice, isn't it? It's exciting.
But I thought she disappeared the day after the party.
Someone had seen her, right?
Yes, that's right. She was spotted by a cyclist on the 15th of August
from the path on the other side.
I was on a plane to Mumbai at that point. Voluntary work.
It was weeks before I phoned home.
Calling from India wasn't so easy in those days.
When I heard Nathalie had gone missing, I came back straight away.
Where were you the morning after the party?
-Where were you? We've been calling you. -Nothing.
I was sleeping… in the tent.
I was asleep in the tent.
Sorry, I have to…
Julien.
-You haven't even said hello. -Hello.
-Eva. -Jesus, sis. How is this possible?
-There? -Yes.
-Eva. -Hi.
You okay?
-Inspector Helen Devreese. -Theo Deridder. Pleasure.
If there's anything we can do…
You're another one of Alain Deridder's sons.
Do you remember anything about Nathalie before she disappeared,
how she was, how she behaved?
How she behaved? Nathalie was cool and beautiful.
All my friends wanted to go out with her.
She was my little sister. I had to protect her.
I failed.
Nathalie.
I found her. Oh, Nathalie.
That's my mum. She sometimes mistakes Eva for Nathalie.
-Oh. -And we go along with it.
-It makes her happy. -I didn't know where you were, sweetie.
-Here she is. Here she is. Come. -Yes, she's here.
-See. -We're all here.
Today, it's Nathalie's father Alain Deridder's 70th birthday.
Twenty-five years ago, his daughter disappeared from the family property.
Nathalie was 15. There had been no trace of her since then.
But today, what is suspected to be her remains were found in these grounds.
It seems an unsolved missing persons case has become a murder investigation.
Dad, this was going to be your party.
But that didn't go to plan.
-Our Nathalie-- -It's okay, son.
Nevertheless, I am happy that you are all here today
at this painful and difficult time.
These past 25 years we have always supported each other.
And that's not about to change now.
-To the Deridders of the long table. -To the Deridders.
Are you sitting here laughing? Liar.
You don't know this, but he's always lying to me.
What's all this, Martha?
-He's trying to drive me crazy. -It's because he's crazy about you.
Now he's saying they've found Nathalie in a hole in the garden.
Am I supposed to believe that? Huh?
He's saying that because he wants me to stop looking.
-I know your game. -But, Mum,
-the police was here. -Yes.
You'd better watch out.
They'll put you away if you keep lying like that.
They've found all sorts of things in the garden.
A bomb. They found a bomb once.
-They did. I remember. -Yes.
-And lots of sex bombs in our Theo's room. -That's right.
He's still jealous he didn't have the same success with the ladies I did.
The inspector asked when I saw Nathalie last, but I don't remember.
Wasn't she with her boyfriend at the party?
Oh, yeah. Luca. He was such a prick.
That morning, you, me and Nathalie went grocery shopping.
-Remember? -Yes.
Yes, and then she got car sick and threw up on the driveway.
Then she went to her room…
I never saw Nathalie again after our cruise.
I always wanted to carry on looking for her,
but there was always someone stopping me.
I'm going to carry on searching. I will keep looking for her.
-Yeah. Alright. -Our Nathalie.
Come back again soon. Or else we'll have to call the police again.
Eva. You know, you're always welcome here.
Thank you. That's good to hear. Just have to convince Julien.
Have you read his thesis?
-No, he hasn't let me read anything. -Well, it's good. He has talent.
He's a good writer.
By the way, who decided to put the guest house there?
I thought it was going to be closer to the woods.
The contractor.
Where were you the morning after the party?
-Wasn't she with her boyfriend? -Oh, Luca. He was such a prick.
She was here all along.
VESTA ARCHITECTS
And now, the green wall with the waterfall.
Right. We don't want a waterfall after all.
We've asked our employees,
and they say the splashing sets their bladders off.
-I'm sorry? -They'll keep needing to go to the toilet.
But this is a whole concept.
You wanted a jungle feel with a green wall and a fucking waterfall.
And now you're talking about bladders?
-Quit your whining. -Eva! Shall we take a break?
Lovely to see you all. Have another drink. And those croissants are delicious.
Sorry.
I mean, it's true, a waterfall does make you instantly leak like a sieve.
They've got a point.
Thank you for stepping in.
It's a terrible business, all of this.
It's so strange. I mean, part of you knows she's dead.
Rationally speaking.
I thought that once they found the body, I'd feel more calm.
But it's the opposite. I feel so uneasy.
Come here.
And Julien hates me. He won't talk to me.
Julien is 17. No normal 17-year-old talks to their parents.
I don't know. I just don't know anymore.
-Maybe you should talk to someone. -I'm talking to you, aren't I?
Someone who can give you more.
-Alex Pruijssers? Is he the one on TV? -I know him. He's very good.
He'll find the source of the unease using therapy and hypnosis.
-Hypnosis is not for me. -Trust me.
Hypnotherapy is completely different from the hypnosis you see on the show.
He's not going to have you clucking like a chicken.
Unless that's what you want, of course. To each their own.
Anyway, the point is for you to get control over your fears.
But you can't just turn up when it's someone like that.
You can if someone close to him puts in a good word.
And if it's a medical emergency. Girl, you are a medical emergency.
Alex, hi. It's Lina.
Okay, all of this is yours.
And this is both of ours, so we need to sort through it.
-Remember this? Venice. -Yes. I'll put this one by the door.
Can't we just have a cup of coffee first?
A hypnotherapist? Eva, don't do it. It's dangerous.
You never know what a quack like that will do to you.
This is exactly why we're not together anymore.
-I'm saying it because I care. -I know, but I can look after myself.
Here. Why don't you have this one?
But you were so fond of it.
You were too and you bought it. You can have it.
But I bought it for you.
Eva, seriously.
This, all of this, it doesn't make any sense.
It pains me to say it, but maybe we should go to therapy together.
You want to go to therapy? Now you want to?
None of that hypnosis nonsense. Just regular therapy.
If it will help you see you're making a mistake.
-Unbelievable. -Just look at yourself.
It's not like you're happier now. It's the opposite.
Is… Is there someone else?
Is this to do with Theo?
What the hell's your brother got to do with this?
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
I just miss you terribly.
You know, Claude, I don't want to hurt you,
but I don't want to give you false hope.
Fine. I'll pick up the stuff another time.
And this, this belongs to us. Us.
There, now it's divided.
I'm so disappointed in you, Eva.
ALEX PRUIJSSERS HYPNOTHERAPIST
Ah, you must be Eva.
-Oh, and you're psychic too. -Alex. Welcome. Come in.
Tell me, what brings you here?
Because Lina made me.
Madam is highly motivated to do this therapy.
Okay. My parents passed away at the start of this year,
one after the other. They literally couldn't live without each other.
And that made me take a look at my own marriage.
And I realised I don't have that at all.
Great love.
For my husband.
Claude is a surgeon. He's recently become head of department.
There were drinks with promising speeches and that kind of thing.
I've asked around, and it's almost superhuman,
but no one has ever known Claude to make a mistake, ever.
I saw the way everyone looked at him, full of admiration.
We have full confidence in our new head of department, Claude Deridder.
You must be proud him.
And I stood there and I thought, I feel nothing.
Julien, our son, is turning 18 soon, so I thought it's okay to do it now.
Get a divorce, without too much hassle.
But I don't know anymore.
I'm losing everyone, no one gets it,
and actually, I don't get it anymore either.
And last weekend…
-The family's got enough problems. -What do you mean by problems?
Claude is Claude Deridder. The son of Alain Deridder.
Yes, it's awful what happened.
Nathalie was my best friend.
I was there, then and now.
The excavation brought up lots of memories.
Except, not everything makes sense.
I have very vivid memories of people having breakfast and drinking champagne.
But that's impossible, because I was asleep in the tent at that point.
When I came out, everyone was already looking for Nathalie.
Look, it's like this.
When you see or experience something traumatic,
your memory can go into a sort of defence mode.
And that mode serves to put unpleasant memories behind lock and key.
They're not erased, they just become buried or ignored.
But our behaviour, our feelings, the choices we make in life
without us realising it,
they are controlled by these suppressed memories.
And that causes the unrest.
Together, through hypnosis, you and I can gradually connect with the subconscious.
We can bring back those memories.
That way you'll be able to get a better grip on… well, everything.
I would suggest that we start off gently today.
Nothing too intense. Only pleasant memories.
Gently breathe in and out. Focus on my voice.
I want you to think back to a time when you were very happy.
What do you see?
The Bird's Nest. The year before Nathalie's disappearance.
Now the Bird's Nest has a real bird's nest.
Yes, perfect for tits.
It was an amazing summer. We were really close.
-Yours are nicer. -You think so?
We spent hours on our own little island.
Listen to this quote.
"Fate choses our family, but we choose our friends."
Beautiful. Really beautiful.
-How did that feel? -Good.
-Quite relaxing, actually. -That's good. Very good.
I have to stress that it won't always be like that.
Sometimes you'll come across things that you'd rather not see.
But I think we can make a lot of progress together.
Hi, this is Julien's voice mail. Leave a message.
I won't call you back anyway.
Hi, it's me. I was thinking I'd make that curry tomorrow that you really like.
So will you come round for dinner? Let me know. Okay. See you.
-YOU COMING ROUND TONIGHT? -BUSY WRITING MY THESIS
YOU HAVE TO EAT :) LOOKING FORWARD TO READING IT
YOU COMING?
-Come on in, you. -Hi.
Hi. I was expecting Julien.
I was in Rotterdam so I thought I'd swing by.
I wanted to discuss something before the funeral.
Of course. Come in.
-Really. In what way? -I know.
-Well, I… -Tell me.
Okay. Well, he was just very honest and sweet and dependable…
and that's what I wanted, back then.
Don't get me wrong, I love my brother, but…
When I look at the two of you, and I see you and I see him…
-He's not your type, surely? -Come on…
Claude is the Volvo of the family. A grey Volvo.
-And what are you? -A Ferrari.
Oh, really?
Elegant, strong, a little bit dangerous.
-Yes, easy to lose control. -Depends on the driver.
Well, I can imagine you behind the wheel.
Shit.
Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.
We won't tell anyone. Alright?
How are you holding up?
-Did you not receive my messages? -Sorry, I was going to call you back.
There's been a development in the investigation.
Nathalie was strangled.
Strangled? Jesus.
How do they know that? Do they have a perpetrator?
She had a broken hyoid bone.
And there's something else.
They found the remains of a foetus.
-She was pregnant. -What?
-You didn't know? -No.
I would have said if I'd known.
Nathalie, our wonderful daughter.
I once wrote, "We need to teach our daughters to be someone,
not someone's. Someone's daughter, someone's student, someone's beloved."
Our Nathalie was someone.
She was intelligent, beautiful, young, stubborn, headstrong.
Some parents find that difficult. They'd rather have a nice, obedient child.
But they were positive traits in my opinion.
Our Nathalie was strong, and she dared to question things.
I was so proud of her.
Nathalie also hated goodbyes.
She never waved back whenever we waved her off.
She would always look straight ahead, she'd never turn round.
-Isn't that Luca? Nathalie's boyfriend. -Yes. He's got a nerve.
But we can now say goodbye to her.
Rest in peace, my darling.
Dear Nathalie, Nat…
With your cigarettes, your black eyeliner, cool jackets.
Your loud laugh, your fantastic stories, and your big mouth.
You were my very, very, very, very best friend. We…
WE KNEW EVERYTHING ABOUT EACH OTHER
We were the girls. Thick as thieves.
If only you could tell us now what happened.
We have so many questions.
I miss you.
-Shall we play Cluedo? -Or we could try and solve a real murder.
Who do you think did it?
The housekeeper with the lead piping in the library.
-Lads. Have some respect. -Come on, let's go upstairs.
He's got some nerve coming to the funeral. It's a good job I didn't see him.
-If you hadn't held me back, I swear-- -You have to keep your temper in check.
We're not some trashy family that has fights at funerals.
-The law will serve justice. -After 25 years? You don't believe that.
But there's that foetus.
Can't they do a DNA test on it to find out who the father is?
-It's crucial information, surely? -No.
There'll be barely anything left of it after 25 years.
I'm afraid it's not an option.
I'm so glad you're back.
Are you still angry at me?
Darling, no one is angry at you.
I'll get another bottle.
I'm sorry, but I didn't know. I didn't really want to know either.
-That was wrong. Can you forgive me? -Forgive you for what?
-Go ahead. -That… That I didn't…
Go on.
It's so difficult.
-Mum. -Yes?
It's okay.
She's deteriorating so fast.
-I'm off. I've got a long drive back. -Yeah.
Stay strong.
I hear you and Paul have been summoned to the police station on Friday.
Yes. It's routine, they said.
Let's go for lunch beforehand. My treat. I'll call you.
-Eva. Eva. -Luca, what are you…
We need to talk.
Because of the pregnancy, everyone thinks I did it.
I'd never hurt Nathalie. I was crazy about her.
Why did you pounce on me? Tell the police.
I've already told the police. But you know me.
-And you knew what she could be like. -What do you mean?
-Mean, manipulative. -What?
The way she used to play with people. With her brother, with me, with you.
What are you talking about? She was my best friend.
She wasn't your best friend. You hated her.
Well, is he right? Did you hate her?
No, of course not.
But other memories have surfaced because of what Luca said.
Our friendship changed a bit in the last year.
It was the summer before she disappeared.
Suddenly, she started ignoring me.
And so, yeah, I was there and…
Apparently, I wasn't cool enough.
And then at New Year's… She knew I liked Luca.
She took me to see him and his band perform.
We've been De Spetters. Thank you.
Then, Nathalie suddenly disappeared.
And then I found them.
She spent the whole night with him. I felt horrible.
When Alain came to pick us up, we sat together on the back seat.
Nathalie snuggled up against me as if nothing had happened.
Her hair smelled of Luca.
I didn't want to lose her as a friend.
I don't recognise you anymore.
What's actually going on? No one understands.
Claude is distraught and you might lose your son too. And for what? Why?
It's not like Claude did anything wrong, but I was missing something.
There will always be something missing. That's life.
You hit the jackpot. A well-respected man
who, despite everything, still absolutely adores you.
You have a wonderful son together.
The Deridders are an incredibly welcoming family. Our family.
And you want to throw it all away because you think something's missing.
Alternatively, you could support me. But no.
-Okay. Eva, what are you going to have? -Why don't you go first, Paul.
-I'll have whatever you two are having. -Jeez.
Okay. Jacques, we'll start with the tuna carpaccio
followed by the Wagyu beef.
I'd like the goats cheese salad as a main.
Will you be having an aperitif? The house champagne is excellent.
-Please. -No, thank you.
I don't want to turn up tipsy at the police station.
How is Martha doing?
Not good. She has pneumonia. And she's increasingly confused.
What with everything that's happened, I'm glad she doesn't really understand it.
I sometimes wonder if she might have seen something.
And that that's why she's created her own reality.
My therapist says the brain can do strange things
in order to deal with something horrific.
I don't believe that.
Then why does she keep saying sorry for not having known something?
For not wanting to know.
It's because she still believes Nathalie ran away
-because she was angry at her. -At her?
Do you remember the argument on the patio?
You have to understand, Nathalie, I don't want my daughter--
I'm not your daughter.
What's got in to her?
She learnt about blood types in biology.
And she has blood group AB.
And you have blood group O. So that's impossible.
Nathalie.
What I'm about to say is something I should've told you a long time ago.
I was 30, I was single, and I really wanted a child.
If need be, without a man.
So I stopped taking the pill
and made sure to have as much sex as I could when I was ovulating.
-Mum, ew. -Hey, it's not ew.
There are plenty of women who wanted to get pregnant out of wedlock.
Your dad was one of the men I thought had good enough genes for my child.
He was a widower and already had two lovely children.
Claude was four and Theo was two.
And then what happened… We were really in love,
and it turned out I was already pregnant at that point.
I couldn't be sure who the father was.
But your dad didn't mind, he didn't care.
He just saw you as his daughter.
Do you know the name of my real dad?
Do you have any idea who it might be?
No.
For us, Alain has just always been your father.
Martha has never been able to forgive herself.
I didn't know. I didn't know that's what she meant.
Eva, I want to…
Has Claude been unfaithful?
If that's what it is, it's not worth ending the marriage over.
Men are sometimes… men.
I know for sure that Claude loves you very much.
No, he's not been unfaithful.
-Would you like me to talk to him? -No.
-If there's anything I can do to help…
There is maybe one thing.
Julien really looks up to you, so…
I miss him, Alain. I miss my son.
I'll talk to him.
Mrs. Ruttenberg.
This is my colleague, Hans Vanacker. He is working on this case.
Madam.
Alright, Inspector Devreese and I are trying to build up a picture
of Nathalie's last movements.
Where were you when Nathalie was last seen?
The morning after the party, at around 11 o'clock.
I was… I was asleep in the tent.
I think I only woke up when people were calling her name.
When we spoke last, you weren't sure when you last saw Nathalie.
I do now. Claude, Nathalie and I went food shopping on the day of the party.
And did you notice anything unusual about Nathalie?
She felt sick. We thought it was car sickness,
but with hindsight, it could have been because she was pregnant.
She threw up on the driveway, and after that she went to her room.
-And after that you never saw her again? -No, not that I can recall.
I thought you two were inseparable.
-I thought she was with Luca. -Did you see Luca at the party?
-I don't know. -Were you friends with Luca?
I mostly felt bad for him. Nathalie was playing him.
Maybe that's why he flipped.
Right now, I think he's a creep.
Last week, he was waiting for me by my car on the Deridder's driveway.
It was very intimidating.
Your brother Paul was also in love with Nathalie.
Yeah, she kind of played them off against each other.
Yes!
Are you together with Paul or Luca?
I'm not with anyone. Boys are like wide-eyed gullible puppies.
They beg for love or sex, attention, to know you like them.
-Don't tell me you're falling for Theo. -Maybe.
-Don't. -Why not?
I just told you. Boys are fucked up. And I don't want you to get hurt.
Says the girl who's playing two boys at the same time.
At least two.
Exactly, "playing." You're sitting here being tormented by love.
Don't do it. It makes you weak. Their prey.
It's much more fun to be the hunter.
He could have flipped too.
My brother? No. No.
The sister defending her brother. That's nice.
Were they really tough on you too?
I gave them all sorts of reasons why Luca did it, but they didn't care.
Where were you the morning after the party?
Seriously?
I got wasted the night before
because I thought Nathalie was back with Luca.
I had a massive hangover at breakfast.
Then Martha suddenly saw Luca emerge from the woods.
She asked him where Nathalie was and he behaved like he'd been caught,
and he said he didn't know and that he was also looking for her.
-Then Martha started looking. -Nathalie!
-And then we all started looking. -Nathalie!
Happy now?
How's it going with your healer?
Alex Pruijssers isn't a healer. He's a hypnotherapist.
But it's going well. Thanks.
-It's kind of you to invite me. -You have to thank Dad.
He talked to Julien. And Julien always listens to Dad.
Is Martha feeling any better?
No. She's really not doing very well.
-Happy birthday. -Congratulations.
Do you plan on showing up at every birthday?
Party crasher.
I've missed you too, darling.
-Congratulations. -Thank you.
-Do you want some salmon? -No, thanks.
-Delicious, isn't it? -Oh, Dad. You've got something…
Works every time.
Have you invited a lot of people to your party tomorrow?
Party? What party?
I thought you were throwing a party for friends and…
No. No party tomorrow.
Well…
He's just worried you're going to crash it again.
You've got some good dance moves.
My girl.
Oh, my dear, dear Nathalie.
Mum…
I know now why you didn't want to tell.
Because it wasn't important. Because, for you, Alain was my dad.
Just like you were a mother to Theo and Claude. You did a good job.
You are an incredible mother.
And you, you are an incredible daughter.
You were asleep in the tent.
Let's go back to that. Let's go back to the tent.
I was with Theo.
We were together all evening.
Come on.
You're beautiful.
Was it your first time?
You know you can't tell anyone about this.
It's our secret.
And after that you both fell asleep?
Let's go back to the point at which you woke up.
I wasn't asleep in the tent.
I was nearby when Nathalie was seen for the last time.
I was on the other side of the little island.
Perhaps we've located the black hole.
We're literally really close, Eva. Shall we go back?
We now know where we need to look. Okay?
Can you hear anything?
Can you hear something from the other side?
-No. -How close is the other side?
-There's a path. -Can you follow the path?
We'll get there. We'll get there once you're ready.
We're not going to force anything.
This was a really good session. You're almost there, Eva.
-Kind of you to be his chauffeur tonight. -We have to support each other.
A stiff drink beforehand.
Good evening, everyone. Welcome, Mr. Deridder. Thanks for coming.
Thank you, Asha. I am delighted to be here.
-Mr. Deridder-- -Call me Alain.
Alain.
Desire and Reason was a massive bestseller when it came out.
The reprint is receiving a lot of criticism.
One critic writes that it "hasn't stood the test of time."
And that it's "a bolshy misogynistic fantasy that you can't get away today."
Does that bother you?
Desire and Reason has been reprinted dozens of times over the years,
and it's still being discovered by new readers.
Should I really worry about a revisionist, woke little article? I don't think so.
It is argued that the women in your works are either quarrelsome bitches
or busty prey for your protagonists.
Is it a crime to find women with big breasts sexy?
News flash: A lot of men who find breasts sexy.
Just like there are a lot of women who prefer a big dick over a micro penis.
Although they'll spout some nonsense about it being what's on the inside that counts.
Look, the men in my book love women and fucking.
And the women love men and, luckily, most of them love fucking.
Everyone loves everyone else. I don't see what the problem is.
Mr. Deridder. I'm a man too…
Really? You could have fooled me, you know.
Carry on. I long to hear your insights.
I'm a man too, and I feel ashamed when I see how men like you carry on.
You say you love women. Right? Bullshit.
You only feel attracted to the kind of fantasy women
that you yourself have created from your narrow-minded male gaze.
It's an incorrect image. And real women suffer for it.
How is the world ever meant to change if privileged men like yourself
maintain their superiority in that way?
A rewrite would have been more appropriate than a reprint.
Boy, oh boy. What a pretentious load of rubbish.
If women need to call on the likes of you to defend them, they're really in trouble.
You're just getting all worked up so you can wallow in the victim role.
That same critic also claims that your book perfectly illustrates
just how ubiquitous white male dominance is. And that a lot of people--
As if all the shit that's in the world was shat out by middle-aged white men.
-God almighty, what utter nonsense. -Shame on you, Mr. Deridder.
Not shame on me, loser. Who do you think you are to speak on behalf of women?
This contemporary cancel culture is worse than 1950s Stalinism.
Then too a lot of fashionable European intellectuals abused it.
Well, I won't.
You can all go and smugly munch each other's pussies,
and Mr. Shame-on-you will come and mop the floor. But I'm not playing anymore.
Find another victim, madam. What a shambles.
I think there's something very wrong with your definition of a victim.
Oh, do you, really?
I'm supposed to come out here and defend myself,
even though my daughter was raped and murdered,
and the man who did it is still walking around a free man.
But me, I get nailed to the cross before a large audience.
Fuck you.
-What just happened? -Have you ever seen that side of him?
Alain's always been everything at once. A bohemian, a lord of the manner,
a reactionary rebel,
a philanderer who says that Martha is the love of his life.
He got away with absolutely everything. He's not as tough as he seems, though.
But this? He just doesn't get it anymore.
Nathalie! Nat!
Nat?
-Your dad's looking for you. -He's not my dad. Thank God.
My whole life has been one big lie.
This whole family is a lie.
You can't trust anyone. No one.
You can trust me, can't you?
Can you keep a secret?
I caught Alain, who luckily isn't my father, doing it.
He was having sex with Tess.
Tess, who's only a couple of years older than we are.
-What? -They saw me. Well, she saw me first,
and then he turned around, and it was horrible.
Excellent. That was perfect, Eva. Well done.
It's really scary. I blocked out literally anything negative.
Why do you think it was so important for you to bury this?
Because it was too disgusting?
And that doesn't fit the perfect picture.
Your picture of the perfect family.
Inspectors Devreese and Vanacker to see Eva Ruttenberg.
Yes, I'll take you to her.
Eva.
Any developments? Have you arrested Luca?
No. Luca isn't the father, there's no DNA match.
I thought there wasn't enough DNA.
There was enough to rule out Luca as the father.
Shall we have a seat?
In the evidence from 25 years ago, we found crumpled up pieces of paper.
We thought they were pages from Nathalie's diary.
Because of the water damage we couldn't read them.
But further investigation has shown it wasn't Nathalie's handwriting,
but yours.
Yes, that's possible.
We had the same diary.
I was sitting on the other side of the island.
I was heartbroken and I tore everything about him out of my diary.
But you told us you were asleep all morning
until you heard people calling for Nathalie.
Turns out I'd forgotten. It was 25 years ago.
Twenty-five years ago you also claimed to have been asleep.
Did you have memory problems back then already?
I think I didn't want everyone to know I was heartbroken.
Heartbroken over Luca. You always wanted to have what Nathalie had.
No.
That night, I…
It was my first time.
-With Theo. -Theo? Your brother-in-law?
He wasn't my brother-in-law back then. But he told me not to tell anyone.
You know you can't tell anyone about this. It's our secret.
The next day he was already flirting with another girl.
As if nothing had happened. I was distraught.
I ripped everything about him out of my diary and threw it in the river.
The contractor says you were furious when you saw them digging in that spot.
-You ordered them to stop immediately. -Yes, because it was the wrong place.
You…
You don't think I've got something to do with this, do you?
That I…
Mrs. Ruttenberg, can I ask you not to make any travel plans
over the coming weeks without informing us.
They think I did it. That's… That's impossible, surely?
Right?
We've talked about our memory's defence mechanisms.
The blocking of memories, the repression of trauma.
Sometimes it happens in order to protect yourself.
If you've done something you can't live with.
For example, if you've caused an accident.
Sometimes we block memories in order to protect someone else.
Someone who you love very much. It's common in cases of incest.
I think you have fabricated a memory, comprising of partial truths.
But the full truth is still behind lock and key.
-So you also think that I… -I don't think anything.
It's my job to uncover the whole truth.
We need to know if you are protecting someone.
If you went to the other side of the island
and saw or experienced something traumatic.
Or did something.
We have to go back to that spot by the river.
You get up.
You walk to the other side of the island.
You stick to the path. Stay on the path.
Eva, you're afraid of what you're going to see.
But try not to resist. Keep on walking, nice and calm.
We are so close, you have to keep going.
But… Alain.
That's impossible.
He loved his daughter so much.
Why didn't I do anything? Or say anything?
Whatever you do, don't feel guilty.
You were 15, you were afraid, you were in shock.
It was probably already too late to save her.
Your consciousness has protected you by blocking and suppressing all of this.
I can understand that my memory erased those horrific images,
but surely I should have had a sense of distrust or a bad feeling.
He was like a father to me. I let Julien sleep over there.
Here.
What are you going to do now?
I don't know. I keep doubting that it's true.
You're trying to suppress it again.
It's so hard. I think of the family and Martha and…
the image of her Alain. Am I just supposed to destroy it?
And who's going to believe me? With nothing more than a memory.
Eva!
What are you doing here?
I was worried about you. I called you a couple of times.
It's Mum.
What's wrong?
I wanted to tell you myself.
Mum's dead.
You know it's going to happen,
but when it finally does, it's still devastating.
Alain killed Nathalie.
-What? -I saw him do it.
I tried to forget, but I remember it now.
What do you mean, you "saw him do it"?
It was a repressed memory.
I remember because of the therapy. I witnessed the murder.
Eva, we're all so worried about you.
Your brother, me. The police is asking questions--
I know what I saw.
So my father killed my sister, did he?
My father? And you saw it, but you repressed it for 25 years,
-and now suddenly you remember. Really? -Sorry.
I'm sorry. It's literally making me sick.
I warned you about hypnotherapy. You're… You're playing with fire.
You think I'm insane.
Look, I want to help you get out of this.
Because I love you. But also to protect my family.
Because the consequences of these kinds of accusations are immeasurable.
I know how you look up to your father.
But the family has always dismissed this part of him.
He really does have a problem with sex. The way he views women, his girlfriends,
-the way he writes about them. -That's all just hysteria.
And he's always had his secrets.
Isn't it strange for someone to always keep the keys to his study on him?
-That no one's allowed in. -Eva.
Your mind's playing tricks on you. No, I don't think that's strange.
Our house was always full of people. Friends, workmen.
He kept his money, his documents, his notes in that study.
What do you think is in there?
It's a wonderful cookbook.
Yes, delicious recipes. I use it myself.
-Okay. Thank you. -Enjoy.
-Excuse me, are you Tess? -That's right.
Hi. I'm Eva Ruttenberg. I was Nathalie Deridder's best friend.
I'd like to ask you about something Nathalie told me
a couple of weeks before her disappearance.
She told me she saw you and Alain together.
Ineke. I'm just going on a break.
It was…
awful.
I always thought that was the reason why she disappeared.
It must have been so traumatic
seeing your father do something like that, and with someone you know from school.
-Yeah. -I know Alain never forgave himself.
-Have you spoken to him then? -Yes, I invited him for a book signing.
He didn't realise it was me at first.
When I told him afterwards, he broke down.
I get why you didn't dare to at the time, but you can still press charges.
-What kind of charges? -Abuse of power.
-Rape. -No, no. It wasn't like that.
No, I was a big fan of his book.
And of him.
I saw him on TV and I knew where he lived,
so when we had to do an interview for school, I put on big girl pants,
and my high heels, and I rang his doorbell.
I pretended to be a journalist and he was none the wiser,
or, at least, he pretended not to know. And one thing led to another.
He was Belgium and Holland's most famous author,
and he was interested in me. It felt amazing. It was so exciting.
But after Nathalie caught us in the woods, he didn't want to see me anymore.
Dearest Martha…
the love of my life.
You understood me. You loved me, despite all my flaws.
We were here just a few weeks ago,
saying goodbye together to our daughter Nathalie.
There was a lot of sadness,
even though we had spent the last 25 years sort of saying our goodbyes.
And now it's with great sadness that we say goodbye to you.
Even though we had spent years already saying our goodbyes.
-Shall we open another bottle? -We're off.
I'm going to fetch the children.
Paul hasn't been sleeping. It's all the interrogations.
They have to stop. They have no respect. Zero respect.
They're just doing their jobs.
Someone's been murdered, but that…
people who've known me my entire life think I'd be capable of such a thing,
that's what upsets me. That cuts deep.
I came here today out of respect for Martha,
-but I don't feel welcome anymore. -Hey, Paul.
Everyone here has asked me questions.
We believe you. Of course we believe you, but everyone here has been interrogated.
That makes us question everything.
But you and Nathalie, that was not exactly healthy, was it?
I was in love with Nathalie, right? Properly in love.
And you call that unhealthy?
I think the person who fucks everything that moves is the unhealthy one.
And there's only one person here with an anger issue, and we all know who that is.
-Nathalie was my sister, mate. -Yes, but not biologically.
-You always lie and get away with it. -People, stop it! Paul, sit back down.
At least we can be sure he didn't get her pregnant.
-He's got lazy sperm. -Hannah.
But he prefers to tell people I don't want children.
-Darling-- -But there's nothing I want more.
Don't start all that.
And you can't accuse him of being stingy with his worthless sperm, I already know.
What he's talking about is from before we--
Theo, don't!
Enough lies. Excuse me.
Sorry, I didn't mean…
I apologise.
Yes, well, it's hard on everyone, and frustrating,
and then we end up saying things we regret later.
But you're all I've got left.
We have to support each other.
I'm going to get that good bottle, Dad.
I'm going to go. I have a long drive ahead of me.
Come on.
Here's to us.
-Here's to the Deridder family. -Yes. Yes.
BOND
I thought Eva had left already.
Eva. What…
Here's the evidence. A missing page from Nathalie's diary.
What's going on?
"I'm pregnant. I'm pregnant by a rapist.
He won't get away with it.
After the party, I'll tell Mum everything. She'll finally see.
We'll report him. And I don't want this child.
I don't want a rapist's child.
I don't want a fucking Deridder."
All those ye…
-I know that… -It's okay.
Go on.
Thank you.
An unexpected twist in the case of Nathalie Deridder.
After 25 years, best-selling author Alain Deridder has confessed to the murder.
This comes after new evidence and a new witness have emerged.
The prosecutor has ordered his immediate arrest.
I'm here with inspector Devreese.
Is it true Mr. Deridder was also the father of the child?
That will be established through DNA testing, but we're not ruling it out.
Mr. Deridder has confessed after all this time
because a witness saw him do it, but buried all memory of it.
The memory resurfaced during sessions with hypnotherapist Alex Pruijssers.
Well, the man has books to sell, of course.
As I've explained in my books,
our brain is like a warehouse overflowing with memories.
But those memories are not always in the right order.
With the correct guidance,
it's possible to retrieve things you misplaced a long time ago.
-And that was the case here. -Fucking asshole!
Mrs. Scott, welcome. You are a neuropsychiatrist,
and this case was solved thanks to a recovered memory.
But you have your reservations about it.
Yes, I have a lot of doubts about these "recovered memories."
Memories change. They adapt, they get mixed up
with dreams, thoughts, feelings, or knowledge we've acquired along the way.
It all happens subconsciously.
So in my opinion it's shaky ground for any kind of evidence.
-What? -Just, you know, I'm happy.
Finally together again with my darling wife and my favourite son.
My only son.
And what a son he is.
Is that box of Kleenex still back here? I might need them if you get any soppier.
BOBBELAERE ESTATE AGENTS FOR SALE - BIRD'S NEST
Where shall we start? Nathalie's room?
-Yeah. -Okay?
-You don't need my help, do you? -No, you go and have fun.
-Have you still got your part of our bowl? -Yes.
-Do you know what kintsugi is? -Kin-who?
Kintsugi.
A Japanese custom where you stick something that's broken
back together with golden glue so that the crack becomes the beauty of it.
That would be the perfect thing for our bowl.
Mind if I take a little walk? Say goodbye to these places.
Oh dear. Guilty conscience?
I… I don't know. My memories aren't quite making sense.
They don't match what happened.
For example, this is where the barbecue was, right?
Let it go, darling. You won't find all the pieces of the puzzle.
And that's okay.
It's exactly where they found Nathalie,
but that's impossible because the barbecue was here before the party.
Come on. We've done enough rooting around in the past.
It's over. It's been solved.
We need to look forward.
Plus, your lovely husband has cooked dinner.
Scotch eggs.
Perfect. That's how Scotch eggs should be. Runny on the inside. Did you know that?
No, but that knowledge has greatly enriched my life. Thanks, Dad.
Well? Is it tasty?
Yes. Runny yolk. Really yummy. Very good.
You were really like Grandma just then, totally in your own world.
Oh, and I get why she kept calling you Nathalie.
I saw the photos of you two and you looked unbelievably similar.
Come off it. If only.
No, she was much more beautiful and much more cool.
Such a typical woman thing to say. You really did look so alike.
Your mum was the most beautiful.
Was it something I said?
She was spotted by a cyclist on the 15th of August
from the path on the other side.
Hey, where were you?
I was the one standing on the bank. I was the one the cyclist spotted.
And I lied about where I was because I was ashamed.
Nathalie warned me about Theo and I spent the whole party with him.
So what? You saw what our father did.
I caught Alain. He was having sex with Tess.
I think my memories got mixed up.
Alain didn't kill Nathalie.
-He was on a cruise when the barbecue-- -Stop going on about the stupid barbecue.
Stop going on about that stupid barbecue.
-Theo, you were going to build one. -Chill.
Bram's bringing one round tomorrow. Everything's going to be fine.
That morning, you, me and Nathalie went grocery shopping.
We didn't go grocery shopping that morning. That was the day before.
The morning of the party, I saw Theo here by the barbecue.
-You built it after all? -No.
My perfect brother didn't trust me, so he built this himself last night.
-I don't want a rapist's child. -What…
I don't want a fucking Deridder.
Why?
It was an accident.
It got out of hand. I was so in love with you.
But you only had eyes for Theo. Theo, Theo.
And Nathalie looked so much like you, and she knew it.
She played on that. Nathalie drove me crazy.
-Lock the door, would you. -Why? You don't want to see them?
She was your sister.
It was so strange. Suddenly she was no longer my real sister,
but this stunning girl who gave me attention.
Oh, you're awake. Good. Want to do my suntan cream?
Of course.
Yeah, okay, that's enough…
I thought she wanted it too.
We were so young.
It all happened so fast.
I regretted it.
It was a misunderstanding.
I would have done anything, anything at all, to undo it.
Like murdering her?
The night before the party she came to tell me that she was pregnant.
And that she would report me because I had raped her.
But that wasn't my intention.
Eva, I'm not a r…
I…
But she was determined.
Then I… grabbed hold of her.
She would have destroyed everything, Eva.
The entire family, our name. We'd have lost everything.
Would you like a sausage?
You stood there frying meat on her grave?
I needed a plan. People couldn't know about this.
I knew that a lot of people mistook you for Nathalie,
so I made sure some people saw her.
I heard you guys went to India. Cool. Nathalie told me.
-I'm heading out there later. -Tonight?
And that cyclist who saw her the next day, that was a godsend.
When I heard about that in Mumbai, I was so relieved.
No one would suspect me. I could go back home.
But, Alain… Why did he confess?
You saw him do it.
And I tore the pages out of Nathalie's diary and kept hold of them.
All I had to do was hide them in his study.
The study you thought was so suspicious.
What do you think is in there?
But you raped and murdered his daughter.
Eva, don't say it like that.
I've told you exactly what happened.
There was no other way. I had to protect my family.
And Dad? Well, he said his life was already over.
You're all I've got left.
Mum was dead, Nathalie was never coming back,
and I am his son, his eldest son, who only ever made one mistake. One.
He sacrificed himself to give us a chance. We have to grab it with both hands, Eva.
Do it for me.
Huh? For us. Do it for Julien.
Do it for Julien. Do it for Julien.
Eva. Can we talk?
Darling. Eva?
Eva, please.
What will people say? The Deridders are cursed.
A tortured family.
First a father who murders his own daughter,
and then her best friend hangs herself out of grief.
They'll eat this up.
Nothing more comforting than other people's pain.
No. No!
It didn't have to end like this, Eva. It didn't have to end like this.
-Dad? -Go away.
Claude Deridder, best-selling author Alain Deridder's son,
has died tonight under suspicious circumstances.
His wife and son are being questioned.
Julien Deridder is no longer prosecuted. He acted in self-defence.
Alain Deridder has also been acquitted.
Not Alain but his son Claude murdered Nathalie 25 years ago.
We discuss this with neurologist Thelma Scott.
This goes to show again memories are unreliable.
Our memory can mislead us.
2 YEARS LATER
Lina?
I do this in every bookshop I come across.
-You're not nervous, are you? -Yeah, I am.
-But I'm also incredibly proud. -And rightly so.
THE DERIDDERS OF THE LONG TABLE
So that's Tess. The who had that thing with Alain?
Yes.
-She seems nice. -Yeah.
Is Alain coming?
No, he's locked himself away at home. I don't think he'll come.
-Oh dear. -Ladies and gentlemen, welcome.
The media are calling it the most powerful debut novel of his generation.
His style is both pure and virtuosic.
Young, refreshing, but with the same expert skills
as an old-timer who shares the same surname.
Ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you Julien Deridder
with his debut The Deridders of the Long Table.
If you dream of becoming a writer, it's a blessing to have a complex family like me.
There's enough drama, you just have to write it down.
This is a dream come true.
I always wanted to be like my grandad.
But because of all sorts of plot points you can read about in my book,
that wasn't a good idea anymore.
But I am very pleased that my writing style
has echoes of my grandad's. My literary role model and mentor.
It's a wonderful compliment.
Mum, you're my hero.
I hope you can forgive the poetic licence and the explicit sex scene.
I'd like to propose we lift our glasses
and end with the words Grandad always says before a toast:
To the Deridders of the long table.
Mum, the first copy is for you.
I'm very proud of you.