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You're very punctual.
Come in.
You're lucky a room is available.
One of our tenants got a new job and moved away.
Go ahead, have a look around.
Don't be shy.
DO YOUR DISHES OR ZORRO WILL COME AND STICK A FORK UP YOUR ASS
- And the other tenants? - At work.
I think.
It's Gran's.
She's probably in church now.
She's a darling, you'll see.
Do you have a grandma?
Unfortunately not.
Mine will surely love you.
She makes everyone feel at home here.
She doesn't mind living with young people?
Gran is very open-minded for her age.
We're making upgrades whenever we can.
- The price is compelling. - Right?
- Where have you lived before, mister? - Call me Tomek.
Sonia.
At the dorm.
You'll have more peace and quiet here.
It's a place for calm, working people.
- Is that okay? - Perfect, I want peace and quiet.
Perfect.
This is our standard agreement.
“Stickers on wardrobes not allowed”?
We had our share of weirdos.
If I want to move out within a year, I need to find a replacement?
That's standard too.
But don't worry, people fight over our rooms.
This is the best you can get for this price, trust me.
Fine.
- Where do I sign? - At the end.
- You're going out? - Yeah.
I'll see you around.
Which room is yours?
I don't live here. But I drop by from time to time.
Fuck!
THINK LIKE A MILLIONAIRE
DISCOVER THE WINNER IN YOU
FOR ALL YOUR INTERNET NEEDS, SEE MR SEWERYN, LAST ROOM UPSTAIRS
Fuck off, loser! Yo mama responds to spam!
Get your ass down there and get the fucker!
That's right! Hit the motherfucker!
Excuse me?
Fuck!
I almost fucking finished!
- What's wrong with you? - Sorry.
I'm the new tenant.
- Do you play games? - No.
What's your favorite game?
Tomb Raider. Do you know it?
Can I get the WiFi password?
452344 JOB OFFERS FOR YOU
JUNIOR FINANCIAL ANALYST
FINANCIAL ANALYST
REQUIREMENTS
Three years of experience.
Certification required.
Two years of experience, at least one in a managerial position.
Fuck!
Good morning.
- Sit down. - Thanks.
One moment.
- That fucking piece of shit. - Excuse me?
Sorry. One moment.
- Your name? - Tomek Godlewski.
Tomek Godlewski.
How long have you been looking for a job?
A few weeks.
A few weeks? That's not so bad.
Not bad at all.
- Is it always so empty here? - Empty?
It's not empty in the morning. You just came in late.
- Not an early bird, huh? - Not really.
You wrote that?
Of course. You wouldn't want me to lie, would you?
Can you just skip that part?
I can.
Skipped.
- Education? - Banking and finance.
Banking and finance…
MASTER'S DEGREE IN BANKING AND FINANCE
- You have a masters! - I do.
- Congratulations! - Thanks.
Great.
You were behind the economic crisis, right?
- Me? - And your banker friends.
- I just graduated. - Exactly.
Why would you even study finance?
- I want to help people. - As a banker?
I believe that if I'm honest, I can do a lot of good.
Right, totally. Bankers can do so much good.
They caused the crisis and now they'll save us.
Hail the bankers.
I heard it's not so bad.
Do you know who is the most unemployed graduate group?
Bankers and finance specialists.
And sociologists, to be fair.
I'll sign you up for our courses.
You have no skills to speak of. Go and learn something useful.
“In EBC, we care about people.”
“We offer vast career opportunities.”
“Our offices are located in a prestigious Warsaw neighborhood.”
“50% of women in senior management.”
Go figure!
Fucking hell!
Get the fuck out!
I said, get the fuck out!
Shut your fucking mouth!
Out, now!
Fucking moron!
That fucking motherfucker!
Hey!
You like eavesdropping?
I was just…
It's fine. I like it too.
- It's your private business, I… - Chill, dude.
- I though something bad happened. - Lots of bad things happen here.
Like what?
The last guy who lived here killed himself.
- What? - Suicide.
- In this room? - In this very bed, dude!
Blood was gushing everywhere.
I bet there are stains left. Can't you smell it?
Dude, I'm fucking with you!
He disappeared. Or moved out.
I don't know, the night was dark.
Don't worry, I'm just next door.
And the walls here are paper-thin.
So if you ever stop breathing,
which could happen,
I'll come to check on you.
I appreciate that.
Or to steal all your shit.
My pops always said, stealing is the best way to get rich.
I'm kidding! I'll come help, I'm a good guy.
If you ever need help when a bad thing happens…
What bad thing?
I don't know.
Are you suggesting something?
I'm just saying that if you need help…
Help? Who needs help, dude?
What are you talking about?
- I just said that… - You think I'm some degenerate?
- No, I… - Yes you do!
Are you trying to make a fool out of me?
No…
Make up your fucking mind! Who do you think I am?
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to.
I'm sorry.
I'm fucking with you!
You almost shat your pants!
Fooled once, fooled for life!
Got a job?
I'm still looking. I've just graduated.
- What do you do? - I sell carpets.
Cool. In a shop?
No, I go door to door with a bunch of Gypsies.
I'm my own boss. It's great.
Where's that loser?
Gotta go. The princess calls.
Nice laptop.
Keep an eye on it.
- You're joking. - Who knows?
Jesus!
- How many of these have you sent? - About a hundred.
- That's not good. - Too many?
Too few. But that's not the point.
I don't follow.
Companies get millions of CVs like this one.
- Millions? - Metaphorically. I meant a lot.
Your CV ends on a stack of other CVs. It only gets looked at for a second.
This second is your only chance.
Your CV needs to scream.
It needs to seduce.
Charm at first sight.
It has to say,
this is the employee I've been waiting for my whole life!
Hi.
Hello.
You're our new flatmate.
That's right.
Careful.
Thanks.
- Tomek, nice to meet you. - Hi, I'm Marta.
- You live… - Next to you.
Right.
You hear me and Jarek fight?
I suppose you have quite a…
Fiery relationship.
Exactly.
Dracula simia.
Monkey orchid.
For the plant shelter.
Plant shelter?
People give me the plants they don't want,
and other people can pick them up.
I take care of them in the meantime.
Cool. How is that going?
Not bad.
At least the giving away part.
Come on in.
- Wow! - Everyone had to start somewhere.
I had one tiny plant here.
And now?
Welcome to the fucking jungle!
Fuck!
Bloody hell!
You're Sonia's grandmother?
Sorry for the noise.
Do I need to call your parents?
Tell them you keep the lights on till 11 p.m.?
That's not so late, is it?
What will I tell the neighbors,
when they come in the morning and ask me
why the light is still on at 11 p.m.?
Is it about the bills?
Did energy prices go up?
You know what? I think I'll be heading to bed now.
We liked sitting in the dark.
That can be quite pleasant.
During the war.
The war?
We liked killing Germans.
We killed off a whole division once.
You fought in the war?
But the Germans came back.
The same ones.
So we killed them again.
With silver bullets.
Wasn't there a silver shortage then?
But they came back anyway.
At night, they had these…
Flaming eyes.
How old were you then?
We put aspen stakes through their hearts,
cut off their heads and stuck them under their arms.
You know…
Cutting a head off is no piece of cake.
Right.
That's enough reminiscing.
Nice. I'd hire you.
Thanks.
Listen, is your grandmother okay?
- Why? - We had a weird talk last night.
Gran loves her stories.
She spoke about the war.
I don't know about the war.
But she sees more than we do.
Meaning?
She has a gift.
It always skips a generation, so…
So you have it too?
Do you need a spell?
I could use it. I can't find a job.
I'll need your blood.
My blood?
Or semen.
You're easy to fool.
I guess I am.
Bye!
Bye.
Tomek, you moron.
As you sit down, put your bag next to you.
Don't do this, it will fall off.
Or this, it looks weird.
And don't put it behind you, you won't be able to sit properly.
Remember, on the side.
All right.
Jackets.
Top button always done, bottom button always undone.
But when you sit down,
unbutton the top one.
That's better.
Here we see acceptable shoe models.
Oxfords, Derbies, Brogs.
Look closely.
Remember the shapes and colors, they're important.
They are.
Okay. Now the shirt.
You buy a cheap shirt, the color is nice.
You wear it to an interview.
You're waiting. You check the tag.
It's 100% polyester.
What happens? You're starting to sweat.
Trust me.
This is not a good first impression.
So remember, natural fabrics.
Time for makeup.
Something for the ladies.
- Come up here, please. - No.
Men can take an advantage of this, too.
You, sir?
- Me? - Yes, you.
Do I have to?
Yes, you do. Be a man and come up here.
Apply the foundation with a sponge. Not too much.
Don't be nervous, you'll be just fine.
Now the powder.
Great.
Right here, very nice.
Men don't usually use blush, so imagine he's a woman.
Nice and rosy.
Eyes are the mirror of the soul.
There are pictures of porn actresses before and after makeup.
And, trust me…
Don't move.
Trust me, they are regular girls that makeup turns into sex bombs.
- Why are you so sad? - I'm not.
You look great.
You'll see when you look in the mirror.
You can smack your lips, gently. Like this.
Done.
They won't recognize you at home.
I'm joking.
You can sit down. Let's move to the next topic.
Ties. Have a look.
He is wearing a tie and a jacket, but still looks like a Gypsy wedding.
- It's nothing personal. - Sure.
I'm just using your example
to show it's not enough to buy elegant items.
You have to create a cohesive outfit to impress your future employer.
Who the fuck let you eat my food, you bloody fatso?
Give me that! Carrots aren't good enough?
Not enough calories? You had to steal the ice-cream?
I'm sorry.
It's my birthday ice-cream.
Birthday ice-cream?
It's my birthday today.
- How old are you turning? - 30?
Congrats.
Happy birthday.
I checked out that game, Tomb Rider. The girl is cute.
She was.
- Was? - She was cute.
In part one, she had this big, you know.
Then they made it smaller and smaller, and now she looks almost like a dude.
Like a dude?
Yeah.
Who would you rather fuck?
A girl with knockers or a dude?
That's easy.
Easy how? Answer the question.
A girl.
Are you sure?
You are?
Are you ticklish?
Fuck off!
Go on, fatso, stuff your face! And shut the fridge!
You shut your mouth.
Fuck.
- Sticking your butt out already? - I said, shut it!
RE: FINANCIAL ANALYST
RE: RECRUITMENT 2022
RE: JOB APPLICATION
Hi. Party time?
- Party time? - Or is it war paint?
Oh, that.
It's from a job training.
For a stripper?
No, I'm… Never mind.
Whatever, man. You do you, no explanation needed.
Is that your girl?
Why didn't she move in here?
What?
Actually, she's my ex.
So this is your display of all the chicks you fucked?
It's not like that.
There aren't too many.
I want her back.
What are you doing about it? Sexting her?
I need to find a job first.
Then, who knows? Maybe I will.
I'm swirling in dough, let's get it on, ho!
More or less.
You tiger.
- What are you looking at? - Application responses.
Let me tell you something.
Before you open the emails, visualize the result.
Success psychology. It works.
YouTube, man. They don't teach that in college.
Remember!
I'm out.
“I regret to inform you…”
“Thank you for your CV. We regret to inform you…”
Fuck you.
I am conscientious,
detail-oriented,
I learn quickly.
I am conscientious, detail-oriented…
Shit!
It's a lottery, man.
Let me help you.
- You want this one? - Yes.
Light it up.
Oh!
- Thanks. - Are you coming to our party?
It's Seweryn's birthday.
I've got work.
Aren't you unemployed?
I am.
That's why I need to write a CV and a cover letter.
To impress the employers.
Do they even read them?
Don't they?
I don't know.
But you should come. I invited my girlfriends.
You'll relax a little.
I'm sorry, I can't.
Fine. But if you change your mind…
My granddaughter tells me you work intellectually.
You could say so.
This will help. I baked it myself.
It's good for your brain.
Chocolate.
God bless you.
Just for a moment.
- Hello! - Hi.
- You made it, that's great! - Hi.
Come in.
- Hello. - Hi!
Wine makes you whine. We don't mix.
Happy birthday, Seweryn.
- Compulsory party hat. - Thanks.
Seweryn is fixing our computer.
Some virus.
And he can't multitask, so…
- Hello, Muppet! - Hi.
I'm so glad you're here.
This is our best buddy, Muppet.
- Hi, I'm Tomek. - What's up?
Hey.
Who else is coming?
The girls couldn't make it, so it's just us.
Bottoms up.
To Seweryn.
Drinking vodka every day is the bestest way to slay!
- How long have you lived here? - Two years?
- Are you for real? - What?
- It's been five. - Really?
Time flies.
Let's drink to that.
How about a break?
Tomek.
- A student. - A graduate.
- Of what? - Banking and finance.
- What do you do? - I'm unemployed.
He's worked at a shipyard till quite recently.
Cool.
Doing what?
Secretly destroying the equipment?
They didn't like it?
Have you heard about Lenin?
What about him?
Lenin said that the workers
are alienated from the fruit of their labor.
Got it?
Working for a bank or a corporation
will make you alienated as fuck.
Muppet's a bit left-wingy.
- That's not a bad thing. - It depends.
“Mines willing to hire any number of workers.”
What is this?
Worker's Voice from 1985.
He carries it everywhere.
What has your beloved capitalism done for you?
When the revolution comes, you'll hang first.
You'll hang too.
You'll all fucking hang!
- How's our computer? - Give me a fucking minute.
Finally, some action! This is a real birthday!
This isn't your room.
Get the fuck out!
It's not your room! Out!
That's a closet. Get out!
Get the fuck out!
This is not your room, Muppet!
Noise.
Right. Sorry about that.
I'm sorry.
Who do you bring here at night? Port hookers?
There's no one here.
They escaped through the window!
- The windows don't open. - They have their ways.
Sorry for the noise.
Muppet came here and took off his pants.
This is a respectable house, not a brothel.
I thought you were a respectable man.
They say it's a crisis.
Crisis my ass. If you're good, you'll find work.
And a nice girl. Granny wants to dance at your wedding.
- Remember Maurycy? - My classmate?
The one who played video games.
You always said he's not going to achieve anything.
He works in IT now. Earns 8,000 a month.
You liked coding too, right?
Not really.
His mother is so proud.
What was the name of your college girlfriend?
Paula? She was pretty, too.
COVER LETTER
DEAR SIR OR MADAM…
I would be your perfect employee.
Because I'm thinking!
Analysing!
And you? What the fuck are you doing all day?!
“Dear Sir or Madam.
This year, I received my master's degree.
I am looking for a position where I could utilize my skill set
and be challenged.”
“The skills I gained in college and during extracurricular activities
will be the foundation our fruitful cooperation.
I am a conscientious worker
and I have what it takes to have a future in your company.
If you are interested in my application,
I would love to meet and answer all your questions.
Respectfully, Tomek Godlewski.”
Do you really want this job so bad?
Awfully bad.
I was really impressed.
I'm glad.
I don't usually do this.
Were you asleep?
- Napping. - Napping?
More like fapping.
I was reading job offers.
Don't worry, I do that too.
Read job offers?
I'm looking for the right film all day, then jerk off for 5 minutes tops.
Marta and I watch some together, but she always wants Black guys.
Enough bullshit. Can you lend me a tenner?
Sure. I'll bring it to you in ten minutes.
Ten minutes is what it takes to rob an apartment.
Our train leaves soon.
I'll turn around.
Don't stress.
Easy, there's no rush.
Okay. Here you go.
Ready? Thanks a lot, dude.
I'm off. You go back to your fun.
But look out for those pop-ups. Some say cops have your IP…
All right, Jarek.
I got emails that said they recorded all I did
and will release it if I don't pay.
It's a bluff.
Maybe, but it makes me feel funny.
Go on, have fun.
- What happened? - He was jerking off.
I fucking got it!
Finally!
I am self-sufficient, but also a team player.
I don't have much experience,
but I'm a fast learner, I'll get everything in no time.
MOM
Hello?
- Hi, Tomek. - Hi, mom.
Are you nervous?
Don't ask me that now!
I wasn't before, because I wasn't thinking about it!
- Then don't be. - Thanks.
Fuck!
Name your strengths and weaknesses.
- I'm a perfectionist. - Sorry?
Oh, right. I'm a perfectionist.
- Is this a strength or a weakness? - I think it's both.
What kind of problems
did your former coworkers come to you with?
All kinds. I was very helpful.
- Can you elaborate? - Of course.
If anyone had a problem or a question about the job,
they knew they could count on me.
I always helped.
Without neglecting my duties, of course.
What kind of job was that?
KFC. The night shift.
KFC.
Yeah.
Really?
You wore those hats and T-shirts?
Every day.
I couldn't do that.
I need my freedom. I do what I want, when I want to.
What's your dream job?
Gynecologist, of course.
I don't know.
Maybe it wouldn't be that great.
Jarek!
I'll get it later.
I gotta go.
- Jarek! - I'm coming!
“Dear Mr Godlewski.
We are happy to inform you
that you have been selected for an interview.”
Fantastic.
What do you want from a job?
Opportunities for growth…
Sorry.
Opportunities for growth and good atmosphere.
Sorry.
- Your generation is spoiled. - My generation?
You barely graduate,
and then want to get managerial positions straight away.
My grades were very good.
That's nice.
How do I know you can do this job?
We do learn something in college.
Five years.
Everyone has a master's now.
What does a master's degree mean?
Nothing.
Did it mean more in your times?
What kind of toys did you have?
G.I. Joes?
Transformers?
He-Mans?
Legos.
I played with old thread spools.
I did.
This is why…
I am here today.
Can I come in?
- Not now. - Sorry.
You cannot delay your gratification.
And this is how societal wealth is created.
This is why I have a proposition for you.
Unpaid internship? What did you tell him?
- That I'll think about it. - Why?
Go work in a copy shop. You'll learn the same and get paid.
- Maybe it'll help. - Help my ass.
You know what I'd say
if they told me to carry the carpets for a note in my CV?
I don't.
- To go to hell? - No.
To go fuck themselves. That's what I'd say.
To go fuck themselves.
Stay there.
What's happening?
You gotta be kidding me!
- Hello? - Hi, handsome. Need a spell?
I need water. There's no water.
I'll send someone.
- Hurry up, my interview is in an hour. - Sure thing.
Thanks.
A contractor would cost you an arm and a leg.
But I'm family. I'll fix it up like it was my house.
Thanks. Can I get you something to drink?
Thanks, but I came prepared.
I met a Russian once.
Decent fellow, he fled to Georgia to avoid a draft.
He gave me a recipe for the Spirit of Canaan.
- What spirit? - The Spirit of Canaan.
Beautiful name. The Promised Land.
It goes like this.
100 grams of denatured alcohol filtered through cotton,
200 gram of dark beer, porter is fine,
and 100 grams of purified varnish.
Mix it up, let it rest, and there you go.
Perfection.
- That's great, but I'm in a hurry. - Fine.
What do we have here?
This old guy is better than the new ones.
Really?
The new ones work and work,
and then they don't, and that's it.
But you can keep fixing the old ones forever.
That's not it…
Do you know what happened?
My head is spinning.
I'll get more tools from the car.
This is a one-way street!
That fucker!
Hello, I'm so sorry I'm late.
- I'm here. - Tell me about yourself.
I'm conscientious, I work well under pressure…
- You know this is a sales job? - Of course.
Usually I pay a lot of attention to my appearance.
But today our water pipes broke.
You'd represent the company.
The landlord's family member was supposed to fix it.
But he didn't.
On any other day, you'd surprised by my professionalism.
We'll get back to you.
Excuse me? Can I get a beer?
Today's promo. We roll the dice.
If your score is higher, you get a free beer.
- And if it isn't higher? - You pay double.
Damn. I'm short on cash now.
Fuck it. Throw the dice.
I fucking knew it.
It's a six!
Leave me alone.
Thanks.
What do you say?
- Sorry it took so long. - Thanks.
Sorry, lovebirds. I'm out.
Thank you.
- You saved me. - No problem.
Nice outfit.
Thanks.
You look like Brad Pitt when he was playing Death.
Right. Thank you.
Are you a businessman?
In a way.
A lawyer?
I'm in-between jobs.
What kind of jobs?
Between college and my first job.
- So you won't buy me a fancy drink? - Unfortunately not.
You know what?
Let's go buy something cheap and drink it.
- What do you think? - Fine.
- Fine? - I like it.
Me too.
Careful there.
Wait here.
Why? Is there a dead body inside?
Kind of.
Shit.
Can I come in?
Damn.
What are you doing?
I'm going.
Done!
This is nice.
Don't mock me.
I'm not. I've lived in worse places in college.
But I've already finished college.
Don't be so…
Hard on yourself.
THINK LIKE A MILLIONAIRE
- Millionaires are not made overnight. - That's funny.
You've got potential.
To be a millionaire?
- Look at the hour! - Get out!
- Your gran? - God forbid.
- Hail Mary… - Leave!
- Ignore her. - What?
She'll get embarrassed and leave.
Where's your wife? Away?
Does she know about it?
Shall I tell her what you're up to?
Bringing whores home?
Holy Mary, Mother of God,
pray for us sinners!
Maja!
Come on, Maja.
Wait, please.
I don't have a wife.
How about a girlfriend?
I thought so.
Which floor?
- What? - Which floor do you work on?
Or are you one of those country bumpkins
who come here to pray for a job?
Of course not.
That floor.
- The 7th? - Yes.
You're working your asses off. ASAPs all day long.
She's from the 7th too.
- Ola! - Don't.
- Come! - Stop.
- I have to go anyway. - Come on, she's hot.
- Hi. - Hello.
Hey.
He works on the 7th, too.
I don't recognize you.
Where's your desk? In the front?
It's in the back.
Sort of.
In the back.
- Coming to team building? - Sure.
What did you vote for?
Quads or paintball?
- Quads. - Me too.
I'm tired of quads. I'd rather shoot.
I guess.
Shame.
- See you there? - Absolutely.
I can't wait.
So?
Are you coming?
I am, but my break is not over yet.
I'll stay here.
Do some thinking.
- See you. - Bye.
100% POLYESTER
Godlewski!
Don't start your cover letter with “Dear Sir or Madam,” Mr Godlewski.
I see.
There are more genders now. The third one is divided into two.
I think.
Anyway, gender is an individual choice, so you shouldn't push it on anyone.
Of course.
Is it all right that I called you mister?
Of course.
I was worried I made a mistake myself.
Let's get to the questions.
If you were to organize an office parade,
what kind of a parade would it be?
- A parade? - An office parade.
What would it be like?
Colorful.
Anything else?
It would highlight the best qualities of each employee.
Great. Personally, I like this answer.
I'm glad.
But are you sure the office is an appropriate place for a parade?
You asked about the kind of a parade.
It was a trick question.
I can't give you a point.
Maybe you could let it slide?
I can't.
All right.
If a penguin in a sombrero walked through that door,
what would it say?
Maybe I'll look for something simpler.
- Just for now. - Simpler?
- Like a kebab shop? - A kebab shop?
- For example. - Son...
We supported you through college, and now you want to make kebabs?
I was just thinking out loud.
Master's in Kebabs, specialization – mixed sauces!
Remember, you can always come live with us.
You can stay with us. Dad will get you a job at the factory.
I'll cook you dinners.
Thanks, mom.
- That was supposed to be a goal! - Shut up, old fool!
“Mr Godlewski, thank you for submitting your CV.
Unfortunately, your experience and qualifications…”
Hello!
How's it going?
Not great.
Why are you so damn upset?
- There's plenty of ass in the sea. - That's not it.
It's the job. The interviews, questions, meetings.
It's insane. I can't do this.
Let me tell you something.
Do you think that when I go with a carpet on my shoulder,
knocking on doors
everyone opens the door?
Some don't answer at all.
Some tell me to fuck off.
Some open the door, but turn out to be broke.
And you know what I do?
- You keep knocking? - That's right.
Because, in the end, someone buys the carpet.
They're happy.
I'm happy.
They may bargain first. Doesn't matter.
The important thing is that when the carpet is sold,
the fact that someone told me that I'm a fuck-up, that I'm ugly,
that the carpet belongs in fucking Turkey…
- It doesn't matter. - Precisely.
How many fights did Rocky lost before he won the one?
Rocky never lost a fight.
Fuck Rocky.
How many games did Tsubasa lose before he won?
I don't think he ever won one.
Exactly, man! Fucking captain Tsubasa!
So you take your carpet and keep knocking.
Not literally. You know what I mean.
I do.
Thanks.
No problem. This is what bros are for.
What?
Fuck.
Go ahead, tell me.
- Lend me a few hundred? - Come on!
Forgot I asked.
The Gypsies will pay me after the weekend.
You know I'm good for it.
I'll throw in a 50 for the trouble.
I'm really short on cash.
I get it.
I talked to Marta.
She said, go to Tomek.
He'll help you out.
But it's fine. Forgot I asked.
Fuck.
Tomek!
This is all I've got.
Bro.
Thanks, friend.
I really appreciate it.
You won't regret this.
Call her. What are you waiting for?
Time fucking flies.
- Hello. - Hi.
Have a seat.
Thanks.
- Long time no see. - It's been a few months.
It seemed longer.
Have you been here before?
I don't think so.
I haven't.
Where do you usually hang out?
Here and there. Different places.
Where do you take girls on dates?
Different places.
To be honest, I don't go out much these days.
- Home, family… - That's not it.
Nothing like that.
Work?
You could say so.
- I'm looking for a job. - I know the feeling.
How's it going?
Interviews, you know.
I don't know anyone who got a job just like that.
No one?
I've heard 70% of jobs go to people someone recommends.
Why would they interview other people?
They have to, it's the law.
But they hire someone who was recommended anyway.
But there is still…
The 30%.
Yes, of course.
Thank you.
Thanks.
I feel like school doesn't prepare us for real life.
My thoughts exactly.
Everything we learned…
All the slides, presentation, tests are totally pointless.
When we graduated,
we were sent to enemy territory without a map.
Unless the maps are the PowerPoint slides.
Exactly.
- Death to PowerPoint! - Hear, hear!
What's up with you?
This is what I wanted to talk to you about.
You know why we're here?
I have an idea.
Do you like it?
Do you know why?
Because…
Hush.
You know what this is?
This oil?
This is…
An almond oil that makes your skin so soft to the touch…
- Paula… - Is it expensive, you ask?
It's not, thanks to the loyalty program.
The more you spend, the more you earn.
What are you talking about?
About a way to make money trough direct sales.
- Selling oils? - It's not just oils.
It's a whole bunch of stuff.
You don't have to worry about gifts for anyone.
You can quit at any time.
But why would you?
You can have a passive income of 18,000 PLN.
But you have to work hard at first.
- Have you been doing that long? - A month.
My fiance introduced me to it.
You have a fiancee?
You know Paweł, from our group.
A real businessman. He stole my heart.
And more.
Paula.
The product is really great.
Good for the environment.
And all you need to do to get it
is make an order for 100 points by the 10th of each month.
What do you think?
It's amazing!
The only condition is, you have to spend 50 points each month.
The longer you collect the points, the more you gain.
There is a new oil every month.
It's always announced on the first of the month.
You said you missed college.
I'd be just like old times.
You, me, and Paweł.
One minute!
Why?
That's not him.
Is this the right house?
Looks like it.
- Does this fucker live here? - Who?
Jarek.
He does.
Tell him to pay us back for the carpets.
Fucking hell.
Fuck.
Fucking Gypsies.
I skipped a few days, big deal.
What about the money?
What money?
The money I lent you.
Right!
I wouldn't insist, but I need to pay rent.
I'll go sell the carpets and get you the money tomorrow.
Promise?
I would never cheat you.
Where's Marta?
We had a little…
Disagreement.
She'll come back.
She always does.
Open your eyes.
Deep breaths.
I know how you feel.
FUTURE???
Looking for a job causes a lot of emotional distress.
What's the worst thing about not having a job?
Yes?
Having no money.
It is an important issue. It can lead to social exclusion.
Any other aspects?
Yes?
- Uncertainty? - Great. Anything else?
- Fear. - The world is frightening.
With no money and no work.
You stop seeing friends.
They keep asking
how's the job hunt going, so we avoid them.
- Feeling like a failure. - Great.
Feeling like a failure.
- Shame. - Shame too?
What are you ashamed of?
Being unemployed.
Being here.
How does it make you feel?
It makes me angry.
Anger! Very good.
How do you express it?
Your cheek is bruised.
How do you really express it?
Wow.
Very good.
Do you hear it?
Hear what?
Is it the pipes?
He's crazy.
It's too good for you.
- Mr Godlewski? - That's me.
- Our meeting was at 2 p.m. - Correct.
- You've waited 40 minutes? - I guess so.
Don't you value your time?
Follow me.
I'm Tomek Godlewski. I graduated this year.
Hello?
Not at all.
What do you think?
Go on.
Working for your company…
- Sorry, it's just an alarm. - Right.
Go on.
Your company is the leading…
Come in.
Time for your meeting.
I'm so sorry. We'll call you.
Fuck!
Who's laughing now, motherfucker?
- It was like this when I got here. - Leave the building.
Or what?
Stop it!
Let me go!
MOM
It won't hold.
I was just checking.
You'd fall, get bruised, and ruin my lamp.
You're right. It was a stupid idea.
My grandpa tried hanging himself five times.
Tested different methods.
Did he succeed?
Eventually, in the woods.
You're here for the rent?
I lent money to Jarek, but he disappeared.
Jarek moved out.
In the middle of the night.
He owed me three months' rent.
Are you drinking this?
Go ahead.
To proper tenants.
How are your interviews going?
Yeah.
I have one tomorrow.
But fuck it, I'm not going.
Maybe you should?
No way. I'm finished.
I don't have anything to wear.
Did you graduate college?
I did. Law school.
Where do you work?
At an occult shop.
That explains the spell jokes.
Look.
Here's where grandpa hid his alcohol from Gran.
Jesus.
- How old is that? - Why, are you scared?
No…
I won't poison myself alone.
You're the suicidal one.
You don't want to practice law?
I thought about it.
Every year, I promise myself I'll complete my training.
But you know how it is.
Work.
Dealing with tenants.
It's never the right time.
You're my first normal tenant since I don't know when.
Come on, Seweryn is not so bad.
He's the best.
You'd be a great lawyer.
I'll probably never do it, but thanks.
You did convince me to live here.
That was not a court case.
You'd be like one of those movie lawyers.
You would.
Very smart. Very hot.
You look better without them.
What?
What are your strengths and weaknesses?
I'm hard-working, ambitious, and dedicated.
What about the weaknesses?
What kind of weaknesses would you like me to have?
Name at least three.
What are the weaknesses of your company?
- Excuse me? - You've heard me.
Where do you see yourself in five years?
Where do you?
Your cover letter said you're interested in working for us.
I am.
But I'm not interested in this.
Could you elaborate?
What's the next question?
If you were a bottle of milk, what kind of milk would you be?
Cow? Sheep?
You know what?
This is a waste of time. Mine and yours.
Hi.
How was it?
The usual.
Don't ask.
My uncle owns a restaurant. Maybe he has an opening for you?
For him?
Stop it, Gran.
I have zero experience.
They're all college graduates.
You'll be fine.
Hello?
Right.
You made a great first impression.
I didn't think so.
You never know what the committee will like.
You won't earn much at first.
Okay.
You'll get simple tasks.
Transferring data between databases.
- But I can be promoted. - Of course.
- Everyone can be promoted. - Great.
But I'll get this view straight away.
About that.
The company is making some changes.
- Can you hear me? - Hello?
Can you hear me?
The connection is bad!
One at a time!
Any other issues?
I have a problem with the company app.
It freezes.
Let me connect you to our IT department.
Goodbye, everyone. Thank you.
Something's wrong with this thing.
Can you be quiet? I'm working here.
This computer thing is not a real job.
Working with your hands is!
Good day.
- Babe, have you seen my talisman? - Your talisman?
It's the silver one I wear to work.
I don't know.
- I'll look around. - Thanks.
- Love you! - Love you too.
CONNECTING WITH A CONSULTANT
Hello?
Fucking hell.