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Downloaded from
YTS.MX

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[fast-paced
drum music playing]

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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX

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ASSISTANT: She'll see you now.

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ANNOUNCER: Ladies
and gentlemen,

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please
put your hands together

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-for Josh Johnson.
-[audience applauding]

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THERAPIST: So,
tell me what's on your mind.

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Thanks for making time for me,
by the way.

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I feel very lucky
to be here, 'cause, um,

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I actually grew up
pretty poor,

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and I grew up poor
in Louisiana,

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which somehow feels
extra poor.

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There's something about
being poor next to a swamp
that makes you go,

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"Oh, I might not make it out
of this shit, okay.

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These might be
insurmountable circumstances."

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Because when you're poor
you get the worst
of everything.

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Which makes sense
because you have no money,

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But because you're a poor kid
you're finding out

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it's the worst
of everything
one thing at a time.

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Like, every new experience
is the worst.

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[audience laughing]

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Like, I still remember
the first time I ever got rushed
to the hospital,

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I was very young,
I got a huge gash down my arm,

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I was losing a lot of blood,
and so they rushed me
to the hospital.

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But the closest one was still
in a really bad part of town.

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And they put me
in front of the doctor

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and I'm screaming
and I'm bleeding and I'm crying

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and the doctor's like,
"Hey, buddy, it's okay.

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It's okay.
Just show me what's wrong."

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And so I showed
the doctor my arm
and the doctor went, "Ew."

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-That's not a good doctor.
-[audience laughing]

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That's not a good doctor
at all.

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I'm pretty sure the entire point
of medical schools

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are "ew"
not to be your prognosis.

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[audience laughing]

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He almost went, "Ew, nigga."

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It almost
came out of his mouth.

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He caught it, but I heard it,
you know what I mean?

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He choked [indistinct],
this is a bad hospital,

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this is a bad doctor,
we need to leave.

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I will bleed out
before I owe these people money.

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When you don't have money
it affects everything.

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Like I even--

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I ain't even get good cereal
'til I was 20.

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[audience laughing]

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My cereal was very poor.

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To get my cereal,

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you had to go
to a discount grocery store

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and you had to look
at the bottom shelf.

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And on the bottom shelf
was just a bag.

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My cereal had no box.
My cereal was homeless, okay?

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[audience laughing]

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It was just a 20 gallon bag
with no seam.

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They made the cereal,
they bagged it up
and they were like,

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"Nobody would ever
eat this, right?
Like, there's no reason."

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Like, there wasn't even a spout.

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You had to slice the bag open
like a pirate

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to get the cereal out.

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And it wasn't even a cereal
you'd recognize.

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It wasn't even Fruit Loops.
My cereal was a knockoff
of a knockoff of a knockoff.

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My cereal was just called
"Circles," all right?

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[audience laughing]

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It had no other name,
not even Colored Circles,
just Circles.

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[audience laughing]

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So you take the cereal home,
you slice the bag open,

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you pour the cereal
into the bowl, and look,

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I don't know
what your life is like,

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I don't know
if you grew up with money

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or poor or with Circles.

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[audience laughing]

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But if you did, you know
that when you pour the milk in,

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Circles don't give a damn
about milk.

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It all floated.
How does it all float?

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That is poorer than physics,
all right?

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I had to push the circles
down with my hand

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to get all the cereal wet
and then I bit into it

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and the shit is glass,
all right?

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It's just glass in cereal form,
my momma asked me how it tastes,

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I was like, "Like milk
and blood," all right?

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[audience laughing]

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These are terrible circumstances
we're living in.

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Like, my neighborhood--

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growing up, we didn't even have
a good pharmacy.

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The pharmacy in my hometown
had no counter.

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I'll say it again,
since it didn't bump you.

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The pharmacy had no counter.

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You realize a counter
is the only thing

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stopping a drugstore
from being a dope house.

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[audience laughing]

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When you went to the pharmacy
in my neighborhood,
there was no counter,

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it was just one dude
standing in front of
all the drugs, like,

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"What do you want?"

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[audience laughing]

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-"We don't do receipts."
-[audience laughing]

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This is terrible.

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That's the thing,
is that...

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when you don't have money,
especially
when you don't have money

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in America it-- it...

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it-- it takes a toll.

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Because most of your problems
stem from one problem

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that you can't do
anything about,
especially when you're a kid.

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And I think
that some of that trauma can--
it can really latch on to you.

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And for me,
I don't think it did because--

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I can only speak for myself,

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but I just think
that a lot of trauma is...

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-funny.
-[audience laughing]

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Obviously not all of it,

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but I-- okay, I can tell
I'm losing you so--

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[audience laughing]

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I'll give you an example.

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There was one year
where money was very tight.

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It was especially tight
around my birthday.

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[audience laughing]

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And so they just
didn't tell me I turned ten.

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[audience laughing]

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They were like, "No, let's wait
'til we can have a party

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with some friends."
so I just stayed nine.

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[audience laughing]

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But I had friends,
so I was going to my friends'
birthday parties and everything.

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And finally I had to go
to my mom, be like,

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"Mom,
all my friends turning ten.
Why am I not turning ten?"

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[audience laughing]

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And my mom looked at me.

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And she-- she went...

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"You go at your own pace, baby,
all right?"

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[audience laughing]

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"Don't compare yourself
to other people, okay?

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You gonna turn ten
when it's time."

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[audience laughing]

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having money is not everything,
not having it is.

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You rarely hear
anything truer than that.

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Because when you have money,
or you at least
have enough of it,

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you realize
that money is not really there,
you know what I mean?

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All it is, is a representation
of the resources
you have available to you.

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So, we treat each other
pretty poorly
to get it sometimes,

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and we even judge each other
by how much of it we have,
but it's not really there.

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But when
you don't have money...

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it's very real.

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You know,
it's hard to be a philosopher
on an empty stomach.

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It's why to this day
I still remember...

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my first visit
from the Tooth Fairy.

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Right?
I was really little.

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I just lost my first tooth.

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I did everything
I was supposed to do.

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Put the tooth under my pillow,
went to bed,

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and my grandma
really wanted to spoil me

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because
I was the first grandbaby
in like a long time

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and so that night...

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she went to my bed...

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she took my tooth

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and she put a $10 bill
under my pillow.

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-AUDIENCE: Ooh.
-Right?

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[audience laughing]

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This was $10 for my tooth.

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-My mom was furious.
-[audience laughing]

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She was like,
"That's not sustainable.
All right?"

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"We don't have $10
per tooth money
in this household, okay?

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His teeth are gonna start
depreciating in value
and he won't know why.

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We're going to
have to lie to him and tell him
that the Tooth Fairy broke.

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Do you see you've made
his fantasies poor now?

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[audience laughing]

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But I didn't care
about any of that, I woke up,

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I was blown away, $10,

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it was the most money
I had ever seen at one time.

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Okay?
I don't even know
who this dude is.

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[audience laughing]

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$10 for one tooth,
next one already loose.

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[audience laughing]

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And so I got to thinking,
like, "Wow,

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if I save up
enough of these,

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I can buy
my own Lego set, right?

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I won't have to ask my parents
or anything."

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Because here's the thing,
when you're a kid

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and you ask your parents
for something that
they would love to give you,

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but they have to say no because
they don't have the money,
that shit hurts.

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And you don't get it,
you don't fully understand
cause you're a kid,

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but you know something's wrong
and I never wanna make my mom
and dad feel like that.

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I even got to thinking
if I save up enough of these

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I can just give the money
to my mom
and help with the rent

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'cause she's always
stressed about it.

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And I was thinking
about all this...

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when across from me,

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I was sitting outside
of my house
and across from me...

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there's no polite way to say,
so across me on the sidewalk

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00:09:36,826 --> 00:09:38,620
there was a crackhead
that was dancing, right?

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00:09:39,496 --> 00:09:43,083
But he wasn't dancing
to any music,
just to the rhythm of the crack.

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00:09:43,124 --> 00:09:47,337
-[hums]
-[audience laughing]

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Right?

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00:09:50,882 --> 00:09:52,842
And as I looked up
at him dancing,

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00:09:52,884 --> 00:09:55,053
I saw a tooth
fall out of his head.

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00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:59,015
[audience laughing]

193
00:10:01,393 --> 00:10:03,812
And so I,
being a young entrepreneur...

194
00:10:03,853 --> 00:10:08,066
[audience laughing]

195
00:10:10,527 --> 00:10:13,780
...approached him and was like,
"Sir, I just noticed...

196
00:10:15,532 --> 00:10:18,702
that you lost,
I mean, technically
it landed on my property,

197
00:10:18,743 --> 00:10:20,870
but I wanna be
respectful to you.

198
00:10:20,912 --> 00:10:23,498
I was wondering
if you wouldn't mind parting--
well you already parted with it,

199
00:10:23,540 --> 00:10:27,210
but I'm wondering
if you would let me have
your tooth.

200
00:10:29,838 --> 00:10:31,339
And then he said...

201
00:10:31,381 --> 00:10:35,135
[audience laughing]

202
00:10:40,932 --> 00:10:42,183
[high pitched voice]
"My tooth.

203
00:10:43,727 --> 00:10:45,145
You want my tooth?"

204
00:10:45,186 --> 00:10:46,938
"Yes, sir,
if I could have the tooth...

205
00:10:47,897 --> 00:10:49,733
that would
help me out a lot."

206
00:10:50,567 --> 00:10:51,818
And he was like...

207
00:10:53,945 --> 00:10:55,864
[high-pitched voice]
"Give it to you for $5."

208
00:10:56,990 --> 00:11:00,994
And I was like,
"Ugh, um, three."

209
00:11:02,370 --> 00:11:04,456
And so then I paid the man
and went about my way,

210
00:11:04,497 --> 00:11:06,583
'cause in my head
I'm about to flip this anyway.

211
00:11:06,624 --> 00:11:07,751
You know what I mean?

212
00:11:10,045 --> 00:11:11,796
Take money
to make money, right?

213
00:11:13,423 --> 00:11:16,426
And so then that night,
I put the tooth under my pillow.

214
00:11:17,385 --> 00:11:21,264
I had sweet dreams
of Lego sets and paid rent.

215
00:11:22,849 --> 00:11:24,017
And when I woke up...

216
00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:27,937
There was a grown man's tooth
under my pillow.

217
00:11:27,979 --> 00:11:29,439
I was furious.

218
00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:31,983
I was so angry
and there's the thing,

219
00:11:32,025 --> 00:11:33,943
I know I'm the only one
that thinks this,

220
00:11:33,985 --> 00:11:36,404
but I actually think that
we should teach kids to curse,
all right?

221
00:11:36,446 --> 00:11:38,907
Cause one, they're going to
learn anyway, okay?

222
00:11:38,948 --> 00:11:42,077
And two, one of the things
that can make kids
unbearable sometimes

223
00:11:42,118 --> 00:11:45,413
is that they don't have
the words to express
how they're feeling, right?

224
00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:48,249
Like if I woke up
and saw the tooth

225
00:11:48,291 --> 00:11:51,419
and known the word "damn,"
I would just say "damn"
and been done with it, right?

226
00:11:51,461 --> 00:11:54,255
But because I'm little
and I don't know
any curse words,

227
00:11:54,297 --> 00:11:55,882
I was stomping
around the house, like...

228
00:11:55,924 --> 00:11:57,634
[grunting angrily]

229
00:11:57,676 --> 00:12:01,471
[audience laughing]

230
00:12:01,513 --> 00:12:02,597
You know that--

231
00:12:02,639 --> 00:12:05,141
[audience laughing]

232
00:12:05,183 --> 00:12:07,686
You know, when
you were little you
get stiff leg, you're like...

233
00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:09,562
[grunts angrily]

234
00:12:09,604 --> 00:12:13,525
[audience laughing]

235
00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:16,611
And my mom saw me
and she grabbed me,
she was like,

236
00:12:16,653 --> 00:12:18,113
"Baby, what's wrong?"

237
00:12:18,154 --> 00:12:20,407
And I was like... [gasping]

238
00:12:22,158 --> 00:12:25,286
Because, you know,
you can't talk when you little
or you're that mad.

239
00:12:25,912 --> 00:12:28,289
My mom was like,
"Calm down.

240
00:12:28,331 --> 00:12:30,458
Tell me what's wrong.
Use your words."

241
00:12:31,793 --> 00:12:33,586
And I was like...
[sobbing]

242
00:12:34,337 --> 00:12:37,132
"I put a tooth under
my pillow last night.
The tooth fairy didn't come.

243
00:12:37,173 --> 00:12:38,550
[indistinct] supposed
to give me [indistinct]

244
00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:40,468
and she owe me money.
This is crazy."

245
00:12:40,510 --> 00:12:42,262
[audience laughing]

246
00:12:42,303 --> 00:12:45,306
And my mom was like,
"You lost another tooth
already?"

247
00:12:46,224 --> 00:12:47,642
And I was like, "No."

248
00:12:47,684 --> 00:12:49,769
[audience laughing]

249
00:12:49,811 --> 00:12:51,104
So then she had to go see.

250
00:12:51,146 --> 00:12:55,358
[audience laughing]

251
00:13:03,324 --> 00:13:05,243
So she walked to my bed...

252
00:13:06,870 --> 00:13:08,246
she flipped over my pillow.

253
00:13:08,288 --> 00:13:12,459
[audience laughing]

254
00:13:14,210 --> 00:13:15,170
She went "Ew, ni--"

255
00:13:15,211 --> 00:13:19,466
[audience laughing]

256
00:13:23,595 --> 00:13:26,890
And then she grabbed the tooth
and she was like,
"Where did you get this?"

257
00:13:29,434 --> 00:13:32,062
I'm like, "From the man."
She's like, "What man?"

258
00:13:32,103 --> 00:13:36,149
[audience laughing]

259
00:13:36,941 --> 00:13:41,029
Cause in my mom's mind,
there's like a grown man
out there selling teeth.

260
00:13:43,239 --> 00:13:45,742
Which, I mean, she wasn't wrong.
She wasn't far off.

261
00:13:46,201 --> 00:13:48,661
He did sell me
the teeth out of his mouth.

262
00:13:49,329 --> 00:13:52,374
THERAPIST: Do you feel like
having less as a child

263
00:13:52,415 --> 00:13:54,584
affected your outlook on life?

264
00:13:56,127 --> 00:13:59,255
Well, it's just--
it's just hurts.

265
00:13:59,756 --> 00:14:00,590
You know 'cause...

266
00:14:01,508 --> 00:14:03,927
when you're poor,
all you wanna be is not.

267
00:14:04,928 --> 00:14:07,514
You know?
It doesn't even matter
why you're poor.

268
00:14:07,555 --> 00:14:09,933
I remember,
didn't have money in Louisiana,

269
00:14:09,974 --> 00:14:12,394
moved to Chicago,
was somehow poorer.

270
00:14:12,435 --> 00:14:15,063
And then now,
living in New York

271
00:14:15,105 --> 00:14:17,982
is the first time in my life
that I'm actually

272
00:14:18,024 --> 00:14:19,734
doing all right,
I'm very blessed.

273
00:14:20,276 --> 00:14:24,531
-I feel good about life.
-[audience applauding]

274
00:14:28,451 --> 00:14:32,372
But I'm not going to lie to you.
Now that I'm not poor,
I think I wanna be rich.

275
00:14:32,414 --> 00:14:35,917
I think
that's how this whole thing
works, you know?

276
00:14:35,959 --> 00:14:37,419
you have two meals a day
your whole life,

277
00:14:37,460 --> 00:14:39,087
and then you finally
have three, you like,

278
00:14:39,129 --> 00:14:40,839
"Shoot, how about four?
Let's get it."

279
00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:43,174
[audience laughing]

280
00:14:43,216 --> 00:14:45,301
I wanna be so rich...

281
00:14:48,638 --> 00:14:52,142
that I actually say,
"Mo' money, mo' problems."

282
00:14:53,643 --> 00:14:55,478
Never had to use
the phrase before.

283
00:14:57,689 --> 00:14:59,441
I wanna be so rich...

284
00:15:00,692 --> 00:15:02,110
I get gout.

285
00:15:02,152 --> 00:15:05,864
[audience laughing]

286
00:15:06,698 --> 00:15:09,576
If you don't know what gout is,
it's when your joints are like,

287
00:15:09,617 --> 00:15:11,619
"We too rich.

288
00:15:13,455 --> 00:15:14,914
Stop it."

289
00:15:14,956 --> 00:15:19,169
[audience laughing]

290
00:15:20,587 --> 00:15:21,338
I wanna--

291
00:15:23,006 --> 00:15:24,924
I wanna be so rich

292
00:15:24,966 --> 00:15:27,135
I get in a yacht accident.

293
00:15:27,177 --> 00:15:30,764
[audience laughing]

294
00:15:30,805 --> 00:15:33,850
Just my yacht
and somebody else's yacht

295
00:15:33,892 --> 00:15:35,477
run right into each other

296
00:15:36,102 --> 00:15:40,106
As I'm going down
with the ship I'm like,
"Mo' money, mo' problems."

297
00:15:40,148 --> 00:15:44,361
[audience laughing]

298
00:15:45,779 --> 00:15:47,655
THERAPIST: Let's jump ahead
a little bit.

299
00:15:47,697 --> 00:15:49,157
How do you feel
about the direction

300
00:15:49,199 --> 00:15:51,034
your life is going in now?

301
00:15:54,704 --> 00:15:58,667
JOSH: It almost feels like
we're the stepchildren
of history.

302
00:15:58,708 --> 00:16:00,251
-[audience chuckling]
-You know?

303
00:16:00,877 --> 00:16:02,253
Global pandemic.

304
00:16:02,295 --> 00:16:05,548
Potential world war.
All in a few years.

305
00:16:06,216 --> 00:16:10,345
It's so bad, I don't even let
my grandparents talk shit to me
anymore, you know?

306
00:16:11,596 --> 00:16:13,390
I really don't,
they're like,
"Back in my day--"

307
00:16:13,431 --> 00:16:15,266
I'm like, "Back in your day,
you could go outside,

308
00:16:15,308 --> 00:16:16,267
don't do that."

309
00:16:16,309 --> 00:16:20,563
[audience laughing]

310
00:16:23,274 --> 00:16:27,445
I actually
don't even give them credit
for still being alive

311
00:16:27,487 --> 00:16:29,197
and also
going through this thing
because I'm like,

312
00:16:29,239 --> 00:16:31,700
"This is a party
you about to leave,
I have to stay.

313
00:16:31,741 --> 00:16:35,453
[audience laughing]

314
00:16:36,871 --> 00:16:39,165
I mean COVID alone,
look at-- look at COVID.

315
00:16:39,207 --> 00:16:42,752
Killed millions of people
around the world.
They're gone.

316
00:16:44,087 --> 00:16:46,214
We lost millions of people.

317
00:16:46,256 --> 00:16:48,717
COVID took millions of lives

318
00:16:48,758 --> 00:16:52,971
and it still didn't manage
to kill the right people.

319
00:16:53,013 --> 00:16:54,764
Like, isn't that wild?

320
00:16:56,433 --> 00:16:57,767
Isn't that kind of crazy?

321
00:16:57,809 --> 00:17:00,812
[audience cheering
and applauding]

322
00:17:00,854 --> 00:17:02,731
Like, anytime
you meet an asshole

323
00:17:02,772 --> 00:17:04,315
for the next five years
of your life,

324
00:17:04,357 --> 00:17:05,900
a part of you
is gonna be like,

325
00:17:05,942 --> 00:17:07,569
"Really? You ma-- okay.

326
00:17:09,154 --> 00:17:10,113
Whatever."

327
00:17:11,489 --> 00:17:13,241
COVID killed
millions of people,

328
00:17:13,283 --> 00:17:16,036
but somehow everyone
that I owe money lived.

329
00:17:16,077 --> 00:17:19,581
[audience laughing]

330
00:17:20,081 --> 00:17:22,751
You know what that feels,
like, you know how many loans
I held off on

331
00:17:22,792 --> 00:17:25,378
cause I was like,
"He's been sick anyway,
let's just see."

332
00:17:25,420 --> 00:17:29,632
[audience laughing]

333
00:17:34,179 --> 00:17:36,264
I was in Georgia,
I was in Atlanta

334
00:17:36,306 --> 00:17:40,143
visiting my family
for Thanksgiving.

335
00:17:40,185 --> 00:17:42,395
This is November of 2020,
right?

336
00:17:42,437 --> 00:17:45,523
And it was four of us
in the car.

337
00:17:45,565 --> 00:17:49,319
It was my aunt driving,
my mom sitting passenger,

338
00:17:49,361 --> 00:17:51,196
me sitting behind my aunt,

339
00:17:51,237 --> 00:17:53,531
and my girlfriend
sitting next to me.

340
00:17:53,573 --> 00:17:55,950
And we get pulled over.

341
00:17:56,826 --> 00:17:59,371
But we get pulled over
from like the light.

342
00:17:59,412 --> 00:18:02,082
Like it-- like it flashes green
and then we just hear
"whoop, whoop."

343
00:18:02,123 --> 00:18:06,378
I'm like,
"That's not even time enough
to do anything illegal."

344
00:18:07,253 --> 00:18:11,091
So we pull over and my aunt
rolls down the window,

345
00:18:11,132 --> 00:18:12,759
cop walks up to the--

346
00:18:12,801 --> 00:18:15,345
to the window and my aunt
already has her license out

347
00:18:15,387 --> 00:18:17,514
'cause you know, Black people,
we stay ready so.

348
00:18:19,015 --> 00:18:22,686
So, she hands the cop
her license and she's like,

349
00:18:22,727 --> 00:18:26,773
"I'm sorry, like was I speeding
or, you know, something?"

350
00:18:26,815 --> 00:18:29,567
I don't know how you speed
from a green,
but, you know, like,

351
00:18:29,609 --> 00:18:30,902
was I speeding or something?

352
00:18:30,944 --> 00:18:33,279
And he bent down
and he looked at us

353
00:18:33,321 --> 00:18:36,241
and he said,
"You have too many people
in the car."

354
00:18:37,742 --> 00:18:40,704
So, he said,
"You have too many people
in the car."

355
00:18:41,204 --> 00:18:44,499
And he walked back,
and I'm not gonna lie,
I googled it.

356
00:18:44,541 --> 00:18:46,960
I was just like,
"Maybe. Who knows?"

357
00:18:48,461 --> 00:18:50,422
You know, it's 2020,
we have COVID,

358
00:18:50,463 --> 00:18:52,257
I don't know
if there's something, you know?

359
00:18:52,298 --> 00:18:54,634
We could fit five,
we're technically
riding light,

360
00:18:54,676 --> 00:18:57,012
like how--
we have too many people.

361
00:18:57,053 --> 00:19:00,223
And then while he's gone,
my mind is just racing.

362
00:19:00,265 --> 00:19:01,474
It's just thinking about
all the ways

363
00:19:01,516 --> 00:19:03,018
that this could go wrong,
you know?

364
00:19:03,059 --> 00:19:05,562
And I was so nervous,
just genuinely afraid,

365
00:19:05,603 --> 00:19:08,565
not just for myself,
but for the women around me

366
00:19:08,606 --> 00:19:12,610
and he finally walks
back up to the window,

367
00:19:12,652 --> 00:19:14,988
and he's been gone a long time,
by the way.

368
00:19:16,614 --> 00:19:19,409
And he leans into the window,

369
00:19:19,451 --> 00:19:23,455
he has my aunt back her license,
and he says...

370
00:19:25,665 --> 00:19:28,710
"On behalf of Newton County,
we'd like to present you
and your family

371
00:19:28,752 --> 00:19:30,045
with this Butterball turkey.

372
00:19:31,421 --> 00:19:33,006
Happy Thanksgiving."

373
00:19:34,883 --> 00:19:37,302
And in my head I'm like,
"Why'd you do it like that?

374
00:19:37,344 --> 00:19:39,637
That's what--
what is wrong with you?"

375
00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:42,932
[audience laughing
and applauding]

376
00:19:42,974 --> 00:19:44,601
I thought
we were all going to jail.

377
00:19:44,642 --> 00:19:46,394
Everybody knows
the longer the cop is gone

378
00:19:46,436 --> 00:19:48,313
the more jail
you're going to.

379
00:19:49,981 --> 00:19:53,193
What took you so long?
Did you forget
where the turkeys were?

380
00:19:54,319 --> 00:19:57,238
I'm not gonna lie,
I actually think
that what happened was he went,

381
00:19:57,280 --> 00:19:59,824
he had--
he had my aunt's license
and he went to grab the turkey

382
00:19:59,866 --> 00:20:01,659
and the license fell
between the seats

383
00:20:01,701 --> 00:20:03,661
and he was like,
"It's always something."

384
00:20:03,703 --> 00:20:07,957
[audience laughing]

385
00:20:11,169 --> 00:20:14,506
And so then he passes the turkey
to my aunt.

386
00:20:15,423 --> 00:20:17,258
She passes the turkey to me.

387
00:20:17,300 --> 00:20:21,513
[audience laughing]

388
00:20:23,515 --> 00:20:25,100
I'm just
sitting there with it.

389
00:20:26,768 --> 00:20:30,397
Looking at it
and in my head I'm like...

390
00:20:31,564 --> 00:20:33,358
there better not be
any crack in this.

391
00:20:39,114 --> 00:20:41,658
And then we drive off
and, whew,

392
00:20:41,700 --> 00:20:44,202
I'm not gonna lie,
police have messed with me
before, but like,

393
00:20:44,244 --> 00:20:46,996
this is the worst thing
that a cop has ever done to me.

394
00:20:47,038 --> 00:20:50,709
Because in a year
when all of my friends
are out protesting

395
00:20:50,750 --> 00:20:53,169
and we're sitting around
in Brooklyn around the table

396
00:20:53,211 --> 00:20:55,714
telling stories
about getting their ass beat
at protests

397
00:20:55,755 --> 00:20:57,132
like civil rights leaders,

398
00:20:57,173 --> 00:20:59,175
I gotta be the one to be like,
"Yeah.

399
00:20:59,217 --> 00:21:02,220
And sometimes
they give you turkeys
you don't even want.

400
00:21:02,262 --> 00:21:06,516
[audience laughing]

401
00:21:08,727 --> 00:21:10,353
It's the day before
Thanksgiving.

402
00:21:10,395 --> 00:21:12,439
How it's going to
defrost in time?
That's terrorism.

403
00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:15,984
[audience laughing]

404
00:21:25,660 --> 00:21:29,497
I've-- I've, uh,
I've been having
a really weird time because...

405
00:21:30,665 --> 00:21:32,625
it was at the end of last year
that I realized

406
00:21:32,667 --> 00:21:35,003
I'm a little bit older
right now

407
00:21:35,045 --> 00:21:37,589
then my parents were
when they had me.

408
00:21:38,631 --> 00:21:39,799
And that feels crazy.

409
00:21:40,550 --> 00:21:43,303
Feels insane to especially
check the markers
of where they were

410
00:21:43,345 --> 00:21:45,680
when they were my age,
where I am now that--

411
00:21:47,557 --> 00:21:50,435
Like,
I even feel like an adult.

412
00:21:51,144 --> 00:21:53,688
A kid called me sir last week
to get my attention,

413
00:21:53,730 --> 00:21:55,607
I almost punched him
right in the throat.

414
00:21:56,608 --> 00:21:58,610
I was like,
"Don't put that evil on me."

415
00:22:00,779 --> 00:22:03,406
I'm also scared to have kids
cause I live in New York.

416
00:22:03,948 --> 00:22:06,159
You know, like,
I get that it's beautiful
and iconic,

417
00:22:06,201 --> 00:22:08,953
but also, the rats
have personality, right?

418
00:22:09,913 --> 00:22:11,790
It's a jarring place to live.

419
00:22:12,707 --> 00:22:14,918
I give you my best example
of why I'm scared, right?

420
00:22:14,959 --> 00:22:17,962
There was a-- a while back
where I was on the subway,

421
00:22:18,004 --> 00:22:20,757
I don't even remember
where I was headed, but things
were going well, you know?

422
00:22:20,799 --> 00:22:24,803
I-- I was listening
to a podcast,
I was having a good day, right?

423
00:22:24,844 --> 00:22:27,180
And I remember
I was sitting on the train

424
00:22:27,222 --> 00:22:28,890
and as I was sitting down,

425
00:22:28,932 --> 00:22:31,518
this dude got on the train
and sat across from me.

426
00:22:31,559 --> 00:22:34,396
And this guy is crazy. Okay?

427
00:22:34,437 --> 00:22:36,981
Now, I know you're not supposed
to say that,
I know that's dismissive,

428
00:22:37,023 --> 00:22:39,901
But personally, I feel like
political correctness

429
00:22:39,943 --> 00:22:43,321
works in proximity
to the problem, okay?

430
00:22:44,197 --> 00:22:46,449
If I've been watching this dude
in a documentary, I'd be like,

431
00:22:46,491 --> 00:22:49,661
"He is an individual
having an episode, all right?"

432
00:22:49,703 --> 00:22:53,915
But because
he is four feet away from me,
he is crazy, okay?

433
00:22:53,957 --> 00:22:55,875
And he's being crazy
right now.

434
00:22:55,917 --> 00:22:58,962
My man is sitting down
having a very specific argument

435
00:22:59,004 --> 00:23:01,631
with somebody
that nobody can see, all right?

436
00:23:01,673 --> 00:23:04,134
And he not even
looking across at me,
he looking down,

437
00:23:04,175 --> 00:23:06,011
so it's like a little gremlin
or something.

438
00:23:06,720 --> 00:23:09,305
And it's not the type
of argument
you can interject in,

439
00:23:09,347 --> 00:23:12,642
he's just like
"I ate all the Jell-O, all
right?

440
00:23:14,561 --> 00:23:15,854
So that's happening.

441
00:23:16,771 --> 00:23:20,817
And as that's happening
the emergency doors open.

442
00:23:20,859 --> 00:23:22,485
Which is never good.

443
00:23:23,069 --> 00:23:25,447
No emergency doors
ever open anywhere

444
00:23:25,488 --> 00:23:27,657
and people were like,
"What's about to happen?"

445
00:23:27,699 --> 00:23:30,869
That's always bad.
Hence the name.

446
00:23:32,620 --> 00:23:33,955
And this dude
comes through the door,

447
00:23:33,997 --> 00:23:35,665
and look,
out of respect,

448
00:23:35,707 --> 00:23:37,334
I will use a politically
correct term for him

449
00:23:37,375 --> 00:23:39,878
cause he different
situation than the first two.

450
00:23:39,919 --> 00:23:43,340
This guy
is fucking crazy, okay?

451
00:23:43,381 --> 00:23:44,883
This guy couldn't be crazier.

452
00:23:44,924 --> 00:23:46,843
First of all,
he came through the door
sideways

453
00:23:46,885 --> 00:23:48,928
which is a strong choice.

454
00:23:49,929 --> 00:23:51,765
I've been walking through doors
all my life

455
00:23:51,806 --> 00:23:54,559
and I've been
just doing it front ways,
like I had no idea,

456
00:23:54,601 --> 00:23:56,519
I guess I'm just vanilla
like that, like,

457
00:23:56,561 --> 00:23:58,521
I've been walking through
doors missionary

458
00:23:58,563 --> 00:24:00,273
and everything
this whole time.

459
00:24:00,315 --> 00:24:02,359
[audience laughing]

460
00:24:02,400 --> 00:24:04,444
But my man
walked in the door sideways,

461
00:24:04,486 --> 00:24:07,238
making weird noises,
doing Michael Jackson moves
and stuff.

462
00:24:07,280 --> 00:24:10,742
My man came in the door
just like... [grunting].

463
00:24:10,784 --> 00:24:13,870
Nonstop, okay?
And not busking for money.

464
00:24:13,912 --> 00:24:16,373
This is coming
out of his spirit all right?

465
00:24:16,414 --> 00:24:18,833
Just nonstop. [grunting]

466
00:24:18,875 --> 00:24:21,670
Okay, also should point out
no shirt, no shoes,

467
00:24:21,711 --> 00:24:24,464
no socks,
just pants, fly open

468
00:24:24,506 --> 00:24:27,050
and the only reason
this man's pants hadn't fallen
to the ground

469
00:24:27,092 --> 00:24:29,469
was cause he had a big booty
and a big dick, all right?

470
00:24:29,511 --> 00:24:33,598
My man's pants
are hanging on for dear life.
He just... [grunts].

471
00:24:33,640 --> 00:24:35,934
This dude
is so fucking crazy

472
00:24:35,975 --> 00:24:39,270
that the crazy guy
stopped being crazy.

473
00:24:45,652 --> 00:24:48,988
Crazy dude was sitting there,
like, "I ate all of the Jell-O.

474
00:24:49,030 --> 00:24:50,907
Ew...

475
00:24:50,949 --> 00:24:54,411
Y'all see him
with his dick out like that.
Isn't that nasty?"

476
00:24:54,452 --> 00:24:57,497
-Starts commiserating with us.
-[audience laughing]

477
00:24:57,539 --> 00:25:00,625
I'm like,
"This is how we felt about you."
This is wild.

478
00:25:01,876 --> 00:25:03,545
That's why I feel bad
calling him crazy

479
00:25:03,586 --> 00:25:05,922
because it's clearly
not a permanent situation.

480
00:25:05,964 --> 00:25:07,590
He see dick
and he lose it.

481
00:25:07,632 --> 00:25:11,886
[audience laughing]

482
00:25:17,892 --> 00:25:20,311
And the reason
that I'm scared to have kids...

483
00:25:24,149 --> 00:25:25,984
isn't because of the crazy guy.

484
00:25:26,443 --> 00:25:28,319
It's not because
of the fucking crazy guy.

485
00:25:28,361 --> 00:25:30,947
It's because
while all of this
was going down,

486
00:25:30,989 --> 00:25:33,283
there was a kid
on the train...

487
00:25:34,701 --> 00:25:36,453
that barely reacted.

488
00:25:36,494 --> 00:25:40,290
[audience laughing]

489
00:25:40,331 --> 00:25:43,793
Crazy dude got in,
sat down and was like,
"I ate all of the Jell-O,"

490
00:25:43,835 --> 00:25:46,463
and then little man next to me,
couldn't be more
than 8-years-old,

491
00:25:46,504 --> 00:25:49,591
was sitting there,
reading a Captain America comic

492
00:25:49,632 --> 00:25:51,217
looked at him and was like...

493
00:25:52,052 --> 00:25:53,511
"That'll work itself out."

494
00:25:53,553 --> 00:25:57,682
[audience laughing]

495
00:26:02,145 --> 00:26:05,148
And then the fucking crazy guy
got on like... [grunting]

496
00:26:05,190 --> 00:26:07,692
He was like, "Let's see
what the Red Skull is up to."

497
00:26:10,028 --> 00:26:12,364
Like, I don't know
if I'm actually more scared
of the crazy guy,

498
00:26:12,405 --> 00:26:14,783
the fucking crazy guy
or the kid.

499
00:26:14,824 --> 00:26:16,368
You should
only be that stoic

500
00:26:16,409 --> 00:26:18,286
if you've seen combat,
all right?

501
00:26:19,537 --> 00:26:21,373
And it only happened
at the end of last year,

502
00:26:21,414 --> 00:26:24,209
so I still think about
where that kid is all the time.

503
00:26:25,085 --> 00:26:27,837
He probably on a playground
right now.

504
00:26:27,879 --> 00:26:31,591
Just putting out a cigarette
on his own hand.

505
00:26:31,633 --> 00:26:35,637
[audience laughing]

506
00:26:36,179 --> 00:26:37,764
[high-pitched voice]
I've seen things.

507
00:26:39,015 --> 00:26:42,435
So yeah.
Maybe I'm afraid of having kids.

508
00:26:43,645 --> 00:26:47,273
THERAPIST: Can you tell me
what scares you so much
about parenthood?

509
00:26:47,315 --> 00:26:49,901
Are you afraid
you won't be a good father?

510
00:26:51,945 --> 00:26:54,989
Do you remember,
when you believed in grown-ups?

511
00:26:55,031 --> 00:26:57,409
[audience laughing]

512
00:26:57,450 --> 00:26:59,327
-Do you remember that?
-WOMAN: Yes!

513
00:26:59,369 --> 00:27:01,204
Remember when you were little
and you were like,

514
00:27:01,246 --> 00:27:02,872
"The big people, they know."

515
00:27:03,915 --> 00:27:07,210
And then you got older
and you're like,
"Fuck, nobody knows."

516
00:27:07,252 --> 00:27:11,464
[audience laughing
and applauding]

517
00:27:13,925 --> 00:27:17,095
This is terrible.
Someone should do something.

518
00:27:19,514 --> 00:27:21,808
You remember
the first time you looked...

519
00:27:22,892 --> 00:27:24,352
at a grown-up
and you were like,

520
00:27:24,394 --> 00:27:26,521
"I don't think you know
what you're doing."

521
00:27:26,563 --> 00:27:28,648
[audience laughing]

522
00:27:29,607 --> 00:27:32,027
-For me, it was my dad.
-WOMAN: Yes!

523
00:27:32,068 --> 00:27:36,281
[audience laughing]

524
00:27:37,741 --> 00:27:39,159
That first tooth...

525
00:27:39,951 --> 00:27:42,078
back when it was just loose,

526
00:27:42,120 --> 00:27:44,622
I went to my dad
and I told him.

527
00:27:44,664 --> 00:27:47,751
My dad was always excited to do,
like, a milestone thing,

528
00:27:47,792 --> 00:27:49,711
like, a dad thing, right?

529
00:27:49,753 --> 00:27:51,254
Something special.

530
00:27:51,296 --> 00:27:53,006
That's a moment that he watched
his friends have

531
00:27:53,048 --> 00:27:54,215
and now he's having with me.

532
00:27:54,799 --> 00:27:57,510
I walked up to him,
I told him
that my tooth was loose.

533
00:27:57,552 --> 00:27:59,804
He got so excited
he ran out of the room.

534
00:28:00,263 --> 00:28:03,850
And he ran back in the room
with the length of string.

535
00:28:05,977 --> 00:28:09,105
And he tied one side
of the string to my tooth

536
00:28:09,147 --> 00:28:11,107
and one side of the string
to the doorknob,

537
00:28:11,149 --> 00:28:13,109
but didn't tell me
what the plan was.

538
00:28:13,151 --> 00:28:17,364
[audience laughing]

539
00:28:23,286 --> 00:28:27,123
So then he slammed the door,
but he put too much string
in my mouth,

540
00:28:27,165 --> 00:28:28,792
so we just watched
the door slam.

541
00:28:28,833 --> 00:28:33,088
[audience laughing
and applauding]

542
00:28:40,804 --> 00:28:43,223
And I mean, I put it together,
what he was trying to do

543
00:28:43,264 --> 00:28:45,684
as soon as the door slammed
and I looked down

544
00:28:45,725 --> 00:28:48,186
with string still in my mouth
and I was like,

545
00:28:48,228 --> 00:28:51,564
"Sir, there's string
on the floor,
you didn't measure anything."

546
00:28:51,606 --> 00:28:54,150
[audience laughing]

547
00:28:54,192 --> 00:28:56,569
I don't think
you're a grown-up at all, sir.

548
00:28:56,611 --> 00:28:59,656
[audience laughing]

549
00:28:59,698 --> 00:29:01,324
I don't even know
why I'm calling you "sir,"

550
00:29:01,366 --> 00:29:02,867
I don't think
you a grown-up, dude.

551
00:29:02,909 --> 00:29:07,163
[audience laughing]

552
00:29:11,960 --> 00:29:14,254
I will say, uh,

553
00:29:14,295 --> 00:29:17,340
I feel bad cause sometimes
you share a thing

554
00:29:17,382 --> 00:29:20,301
and-- all right so...
[chuckles]

555
00:29:21,177 --> 00:29:22,929
...my friend... [giggling]

556
00:29:22,971 --> 00:29:25,473
my friend
got in a car accident, right?

557
00:29:26,349 --> 00:29:28,893
And he was not okay, okay?

558
00:29:29,686 --> 00:29:32,230
But he got in a car accident
with an ambulance,

559
00:29:32,272 --> 00:29:35,859
like, what better car accident
is there to get in,
you know what I mean?

560
00:29:35,900 --> 00:29:39,237
Like-- but it turns out
if you get into a car accident
with an ambulance

561
00:29:39,279 --> 00:29:42,240
the ambulance driver
will get out
and react like anybody else,

562
00:29:42,282 --> 00:29:43,950
you could have gotten
in a car accident with.

563
00:29:44,451 --> 00:29:48,246
Because the ambulance driver
got out and was like, "Fuck."

564
00:29:49,914 --> 00:29:52,375
And he went to my friends,
he was like,
"You couldn't see me?

565
00:29:52,417 --> 00:29:54,252
I'm bigger than you.
You couldn't see--"

566
00:29:54,294 --> 00:29:55,587
My friend was not okay.

567
00:29:55,628 --> 00:29:57,088
We knew he was concussed
immediately

568
00:29:57,130 --> 00:29:59,049
because he hit his head
on impact

569
00:29:59,090 --> 00:30:02,594
and was so disoriented
that he threw up
on the windshield

570
00:30:02,635 --> 00:30:05,430
past the steering wheel,
and was so confused

571
00:30:05,472 --> 00:30:08,099
he still turned on
the windshield wipers.

572
00:30:10,810 --> 00:30:14,022
He was like, "It's not working.
I don't know why--"

573
00:30:14,064 --> 00:30:16,274
[audience laughing]

574
00:30:16,316 --> 00:30:18,109
So, finally,
the ambulance driver comes back

575
00:30:18,151 --> 00:30:19,903
to his window, he's like,
"Buddy, are you okay?

576
00:30:19,944 --> 00:30:21,446
Like, is everything all right?"

577
00:30:21,488 --> 00:30:23,198
And my buddy's like,
"Oh, no,

578
00:30:23,239 --> 00:30:25,950
I hit my head,
this is bad."

579
00:30:25,992 --> 00:30:27,327
And the ambulance
driver went...

580
00:30:27,369 --> 00:30:29,037
[shouting inarticulately]

581
00:30:29,079 --> 00:30:31,331
[audience laughing]

582
00:30:34,167 --> 00:30:36,711
And then made my friend
sit on the hood,

583
00:30:36,753 --> 00:30:39,339
while he checked his eyes
with a little flashlight,

584
00:30:39,381 --> 00:30:41,758
having a nervous breakdown
out loud.

585
00:30:41,800 --> 00:30:44,094
He was like, "I was about
to fucking quit today.

586
00:30:44,135 --> 00:30:45,637
This is bullshit."

587
00:30:45,679 --> 00:30:48,640
[audience laughing]

588
00:30:48,682 --> 00:30:50,975
And my friend was like,
"Oh, this is bad.

589
00:30:51,017 --> 00:30:52,435
Something bad happened.

590
00:30:52,477 --> 00:30:55,271
Should we call somebody?"
[chuckles]

591
00:30:55,689 --> 00:30:57,190
And he was like,
"Look, you call them,

592
00:30:57,232 --> 00:30:59,067
they're gonna call me,
all right?

593
00:30:59,109 --> 00:31:00,485
I'm already here.

594
00:31:00,527 --> 00:31:02,153
Let's figure this out
together, okay?

595
00:31:02,195 --> 00:31:03,697
Just get in the back."

596
00:31:05,365 --> 00:31:07,117
Cause getting hit
by an ambulance must be

597
00:31:07,158 --> 00:31:08,785
a double-edged sword,

598
00:31:08,827 --> 00:31:10,537
'cause on the one hand,
help's already there,

599
00:31:10,578 --> 00:31:12,664
but on the other,
they're gonna blame it on you.

600
00:31:12,706 --> 00:31:14,499
Because then they got
to the hospital

601
00:31:14,541 --> 00:31:16,042
and my friend was like,
"Yeah,

602
00:31:16,084 --> 00:31:18,962
he came out of nowhere."

603
00:31:19,504 --> 00:31:21,131
And the ambulance driver
was like, "Don't listen

604
00:31:21,172 --> 00:31:23,299
to that poor thing,
he concussed.

605
00:31:23,341 --> 00:31:25,218
He doesn't know
what he's saying right now."

606
00:31:25,593 --> 00:31:27,095
THERAPIST: Hold on a minute.

607
00:31:27,137 --> 00:31:28,304
You think it was funny

608
00:31:28,346 --> 00:31:30,390
that your friend was hurt?

609
00:31:31,224 --> 00:31:33,143
No, it... [sighs]

610
00:31:33,184 --> 00:31:34,644
...it's not funny
that my friend was hurt.

611
00:31:34,686 --> 00:31:36,730
It's the circumstance
that's funny.

612
00:31:37,313 --> 00:31:39,649
It's-- it's ironic, right?

613
00:31:42,152 --> 00:31:43,695
Geez, you can really tell

614
00:31:43,737 --> 00:31:46,031
that we've sucked
all the joy out of the world

615
00:31:46,072 --> 00:31:48,908
that the simple act
of laughing at something
seems malicious.

616
00:31:48,950 --> 00:31:50,285
Laughter
is a means to process.

617
00:31:50,326 --> 00:31:51,536
I thought
that was your whole thing.

618
00:31:51,578 --> 00:31:53,163
It's a way to exhale hurt.

619
00:31:53,204 --> 00:31:55,206
Like some people cry,
some people sigh,

620
00:31:55,248 --> 00:31:58,043
some people scream,
and I...

621
00:31:58,084 --> 00:32:02,630
-...laugh.
-[audience laughing]

622
00:32:04,883 --> 00:32:06,092
I remember...

623
00:32:06,843 --> 00:32:10,430
the first time
someone paid me money...

624
00:32:10,972 --> 00:32:12,223
to do stand-up.

625
00:32:12,640 --> 00:32:14,601
I was so excited.
I was blown away.

626
00:32:14,642 --> 00:32:17,479
It was gonna be the most money
I had ever made.

627
00:32:17,520 --> 00:32:21,066
There was this place
that was gonna pay me $1,000

628
00:32:21,107 --> 00:32:22,609
to go out there
and do a show.

629
00:32:23,026 --> 00:32:25,862
And I couldn't believe it.
I thought it was a prank.

630
00:32:25,904 --> 00:32:27,739
[audience laughing]

631
00:32:27,781 --> 00:32:30,241
And I remember I was like--
my heart was racing,

632
00:32:30,283 --> 00:32:32,744
I was like,
"Oh, my gosh, this is--
I'm really doing it.

633
00:32:32,786 --> 00:32:35,747
I'm gonna be a comedian
that gets paid, right?

634
00:32:35,789 --> 00:32:37,207
That doesn't just
bother people."

635
00:32:37,248 --> 00:32:41,252
[audience laughing]

636
00:32:41,294 --> 00:32:42,879
And... [sighs]
...and I remember

637
00:32:42,921 --> 00:32:44,547
I didn't even want to
buy a flight,

638
00:32:44,589 --> 00:32:46,132
'cause I didn't want to
cut into the,

639
00:32:46,174 --> 00:32:47,676
like, money
that I was going to get.

640
00:32:47,717 --> 00:32:49,552
And so then
I looked up a bus--

641
00:32:49,594 --> 00:32:51,846
and this is how you could tell
I was 22 at the time,

642
00:32:51,888 --> 00:32:54,140
'cause I looked up the bus,
it was going to take two days,

643
00:32:54,182 --> 00:32:57,435
I was like,
"That's not even that bad,
that's pretty good.

644
00:32:57,477 --> 00:32:59,562
"Like, for $60,
I could do it,
I could swing it,

645
00:32:59,604 --> 00:33:01,981
you know,
I ain't got nowhere to be."

646
00:33:03,149 --> 00:33:07,237
And being on a bus
for two days will change you...

647
00:33:07,278 --> 00:33:10,198
[audience laughing]

648
00:33:12,951 --> 00:33:15,453
...in a way
that you are not ready for.

649
00:33:16,830 --> 00:33:19,290
'Cause I remember
I showed up to the bus coy.

650
00:33:20,000 --> 00:33:24,170
I walked down, I was like,
"Oh, my God, he's got a tattoo
on his nose." [chuckles]

651
00:33:25,171 --> 00:33:27,590
By the end of the trip,
I was the one
passing out sandwiches,

652
00:33:27,632 --> 00:33:29,634
calling people sweetie
and stuff.

653
00:33:32,887 --> 00:33:35,473
And I remember
we were a day into the trip...

654
00:33:36,182 --> 00:33:39,144
and there was a guy
next to me that was sleeping.

655
00:33:39,561 --> 00:33:42,188
And it wasn't good sleep.

656
00:33:43,106 --> 00:33:45,233
You know that sleep
where somebody-- like his face,

657
00:33:45,275 --> 00:33:47,444
he fell asleep
with his face pressed

658
00:33:47,485 --> 00:33:50,196
against the glass,
just sliding down.

659
00:33:50,238 --> 00:33:52,657
You know that sleep
that you know

660
00:33:52,699 --> 00:33:55,410
that when they wake up
their neck's gonna hurt.

661
00:33:56,036 --> 00:33:58,329
He was sleeping like that.
I'm not going to lie.

662
00:33:58,371 --> 00:34:01,291
-He looked dead, like, I...
[chuckles]
-[audience laughing]

663
00:34:01,332 --> 00:34:04,794
I was very scared he was dead
and I wanted to touch him,

664
00:34:04,836 --> 00:34:07,630
but I was like,
"I don't even think I'm prepared

665
00:34:07,672 --> 00:34:10,842
for what touching a dead body
will do to my psyche,

666
00:34:10,884 --> 00:34:13,803
after 26 hours on this bus.
[chuckles]

667
00:34:15,555 --> 00:34:16,973
And so I'm sitting there
for a while,

668
00:34:17,015 --> 00:34:19,225
I'm listening to music
and stuff, I'm--

669
00:34:20,685 --> 00:34:23,897
Out of nowhere,
from his sleep...

670
00:34:24,731 --> 00:34:28,068
with the power
and strength of a grown man,

671
00:34:28,109 --> 00:34:31,363
he fully shit his pants.

672
00:34:31,404 --> 00:34:34,282
[audience laughing]

673
00:34:35,492 --> 00:34:38,119
And so immediately,
I jump up to the other side,

674
00:34:38,161 --> 00:34:39,871
the other aisle,
I scream, right?

675
00:34:39,913 --> 00:34:42,624
And I'm trying to hold it in,
but I scream like a bitch.

676
00:34:42,665 --> 00:34:44,751
I'm, like-- I really did.

677
00:34:44,793 --> 00:34:48,546
I don't even know
if I could really hit
that note again if I try.

678
00:34:48,588 --> 00:34:51,841
And so other people see me,
they see me scream,
they see why I'm screaming,

679
00:34:51,883 --> 00:34:53,718
and then they also jump
to the other side

680
00:34:53,760 --> 00:34:57,055
and everyone on that side
jumped to the other side so fast

681
00:34:57,097 --> 00:35:00,058
that not in a cartoonish way,
not like an action movie,

682
00:35:00,100 --> 00:35:02,977
but the bus did tip
for a second, right?

683
00:35:03,019 --> 00:35:06,064
I was like,
"This can't be how I die."
[chuckles]

684
00:35:06,106 --> 00:35:07,565
"'Cause he gonna land on me."

685
00:35:07,607 --> 00:35:10,735
[audience laughing]

686
00:35:10,777 --> 00:35:12,445
And so the bus tipped
for a second,

687
00:35:12,487 --> 00:35:14,406
and then it bounced back
and he was fully awake

688
00:35:14,447 --> 00:35:15,699
and he didn't know
what was happening.

689
00:35:15,740 --> 00:35:17,492
He was just-- his eyes,

690
00:35:17,534 --> 00:35:19,786
I've never seen
fear like that before.

691
00:35:21,287 --> 00:35:22,914
And then he ran to the bathroom,

692
00:35:22,956 --> 00:35:25,500
which the bathroom on a bus
is not a bathroom,

693
00:35:25,542 --> 00:35:27,919
it's a place
where you stand and pee.

694
00:35:28,628 --> 00:35:30,463
But from the bathroom,

695
00:35:30,505 --> 00:35:32,007
we heard him...

696
00:35:33,758 --> 00:35:36,011
Go... [blows raspberry]
"...No, no, no, no, no!"

697
00:35:36,052 --> 00:35:38,596
[all laughing]

698
00:35:38,638 --> 00:35:42,017
[audience cheering
and applauding]

699
00:35:52,402 --> 00:35:53,820
Um... [chuckles]

700
00:35:57,073 --> 00:35:58,950
A while back, uh...

701
00:36:00,285 --> 00:36:02,537
when I was in New York--

702
00:36:02,579 --> 00:36:04,497
this is early
to me living there--

703
00:36:04,539 --> 00:36:06,875
I got a phone call
that genuinely...

704
00:36:07,500 --> 00:36:08,960
changed my life.

705
00:36:09,002 --> 00:36:11,921
I've actually
never been the same since.

706
00:36:12,839 --> 00:36:16,301
I got a call that
my dad was sick, right?

707
00:36:16,343 --> 00:36:19,137
And when your parents call,

708
00:36:19,179 --> 00:36:20,638
sometimes you don't have time.

709
00:36:20,680 --> 00:36:23,058
Like you have time,
but you don't make time.

710
00:36:23,892 --> 00:36:24,684
And...

711
00:36:25,643 --> 00:36:27,520
my mom happened
to call me ahead of him

712
00:36:27,562 --> 00:36:29,981
and was like, "Hey,
your dad's gonna call you,

713
00:36:30,023 --> 00:36:31,983
make sure you answer,
'cause he doesn't sound good

714
00:36:32,025 --> 00:36:33,985
and he's headed
to the hospital."

715
00:36:34,611 --> 00:36:38,073
And so I pick up,
and I'm so genuinely grateful.

716
00:36:38,114 --> 00:36:41,326
I feel incredibly blessed
to have two things

717
00:36:41,368 --> 00:36:42,869
that happen in that time.

718
00:36:42,911 --> 00:36:46,289
One, is I got to talk
to my dad on the phone.

719
00:36:46,873 --> 00:36:48,708
I got to tell him
that I loved him.

720
00:36:48,750 --> 00:36:50,543
I got to hear
his voice again.

721
00:36:51,753 --> 00:36:53,338
'Cause he was driving himself
to the hospital

722
00:36:53,380 --> 00:36:55,715
'cause he didn't feel good,
he felt really bad.

723
00:36:56,049 --> 00:36:59,094
And I'm glad that my mom called
to make sure that I picked up,

724
00:36:59,135 --> 00:37:00,845
'cause I don't even think--
I think I'd be

725
00:37:00,887 --> 00:37:02,722
even a different version
of the person I am now,

726
00:37:02,764 --> 00:37:04,891
if I didn't pick up that phone
when he called.

727
00:37:07,060 --> 00:37:09,604
And he was really sick
and it was really sudden.

728
00:37:09,646 --> 00:37:12,732
But the second thing
that I'm so thankful,

729
00:37:12,774 --> 00:37:16,361
so blessed that I got to do
was I got to get on a plane

730
00:37:16,403 --> 00:37:18,571
and to rush home
and be with him

731
00:37:18,613 --> 00:37:20,156
before he died.

732
00:37:21,074 --> 00:37:23,368
I got to hold his hand,
I got to talk to him,

733
00:37:23,410 --> 00:37:25,245
I got to say goodbye, right?

734
00:37:25,829 --> 00:37:27,539
Because once again,

735
00:37:27,580 --> 00:37:29,332
I don't think I would be this
version of me

736
00:37:29,374 --> 00:37:32,669
if it had just been that sudden
and just immediate,

737
00:37:32,711 --> 00:37:34,921
and I never got to
tell him I loved him again

738
00:37:34,963 --> 00:37:36,965
in person,
on the phone,

739
00:37:37,007 --> 00:37:40,135
hear his voice,
remember what that was like.

740
00:37:41,803 --> 00:37:45,640
And I didn't even clean out
the house or anything

741
00:37:45,682 --> 00:37:47,392
after the funeral cause I--

742
00:37:47,434 --> 00:37:50,895
I had what I still kind of
feel like was the perfect excuse

743
00:37:50,937 --> 00:37:52,731
because I was working
at <i>Tonight Show</i>at the time,

744
00:37:52,772 --> 00:37:54,399
I had barely been hired.

745
00:37:54,441 --> 00:37:56,901
And so in my head I was like,
"I have to get back

746
00:37:56,943 --> 00:37:59,487
because this is helping pay
for what's at home.

747
00:37:59,529 --> 00:38:01,990
I'm able to take care of my mom,
take care of the family

748
00:38:02,032 --> 00:38:03,992
with the money
that I make from this, right?

749
00:38:04,034 --> 00:38:06,578
But deep down,
I don't even know
if I could have done it

750
00:38:06,619 --> 00:38:08,163
if I didn't have that job.

751
00:38:09,956 --> 00:38:12,083
And I remember
a week after he passed,

752
00:38:12,125 --> 00:38:15,670
I was back in New York
and I was at a party

753
00:38:15,712 --> 00:38:18,840
and I felt like
a piece of shit

754
00:38:18,882 --> 00:38:21,801
for being at a party
a week after my dad died.

755
00:38:22,552 --> 00:38:23,928
And I'm not even partying,
by the way.

756
00:38:23,970 --> 00:38:26,222
I just don't wanna be
at home alone.

757
00:38:26,264 --> 00:38:27,932
I just don't wanna be alone
with my thoughts

758
00:38:27,974 --> 00:38:29,976
about the fact
that I can't call my dad.

759
00:38:30,977 --> 00:38:32,729
And I'm at this party,
and by the way,

760
00:38:32,771 --> 00:38:34,230
I don't drink or smoke,

761
00:38:34,272 --> 00:38:36,608
so I'm just being sad
and sober at a party

762
00:38:36,649 --> 00:38:39,235
which is a genuine attack
on everyone.

763
00:38:39,277 --> 00:38:43,490
[audience laughing]

764
00:38:43,531 --> 00:38:46,993
And out of nowhere,
I start to cry.

765
00:38:47,035 --> 00:38:48,453
And...

766
00:38:48,495 --> 00:38:51,164
when someone's grieving,
we always...

767
00:38:51,790 --> 00:38:53,958
put our focus
on the person grieving,

768
00:38:54,000 --> 00:38:55,919
the individual grieving,
how they're handling,

769
00:38:55,960 --> 00:38:57,170
how they're processing.

770
00:38:57,837 --> 00:38:59,756
But we don't talk about enough
is that it's actually

771
00:38:59,798 --> 00:39:01,883
the people around you
that lift you out of that.

772
00:39:01,925 --> 00:39:04,469
And no one really gives them
enough props

773
00:39:04,511 --> 00:39:07,305
and care and attention,
and they don't want to
say anything

774
00:39:07,347 --> 00:39:10,100
because you're the one
that went through something,
you know?

775
00:39:10,141 --> 00:39:12,268
But I was crying
at that party,

776
00:39:12,310 --> 00:39:14,771
and it's when I realized
that grieving,

777
00:39:14,813 --> 00:39:17,941
the process of grieving,
is almost identical...

778
00:39:19,442 --> 00:39:21,486
to shitting your pants
on a bus.

779
00:39:21,528 --> 00:39:24,823
[audience laughing]

780
00:39:24,864 --> 00:39:27,325
Because it's something
that happened to you...

781
00:39:27,951 --> 00:39:30,078
that we all have to
deal with.

782
00:39:30,120 --> 00:39:33,748
[audience laughing
and cheering]

783
00:39:39,379 --> 00:39:41,506
Because I'm at this party
and I'm crying,

784
00:39:41,548 --> 00:39:44,342
and I don't even realize
I'm crying until
a guy taps me on my shoulder,

785
00:39:44,384 --> 00:39:48,179
he's like, "You're--
you're in front of the fridge."

786
00:39:51,099 --> 00:39:53,685
And then I ran,
'cause I could feel
another wave coming.

787
00:39:53,727 --> 00:39:56,855
And it's uncontrollable.
When it hits you like that,
there's nothing you can do.

788
00:39:56,896 --> 00:39:58,481
And so I ran
to the bathroom

789
00:39:58,523 --> 00:40:00,692
and from the bathroom
people could hear me go...

790
00:40:00,734 --> 00:40:02,569
[imitates sobbing]
"...No, no, no, no, no."

791
00:40:02,610 --> 00:40:05,905
[audience laughing
and applauding]

792
00:40:14,581 --> 00:40:17,417
I do feel like,
as a society,

793
00:40:17,459 --> 00:40:21,087
we don't give
weird people enough credit.

794
00:40:23,715 --> 00:40:24,632
Like...

795
00:40:25,383 --> 00:40:28,386
we always act like weird people
are happening to us.

796
00:40:29,929 --> 00:40:31,806
I'm guilty of it too.
I live in New York.

797
00:40:31,848 --> 00:40:34,726
Maybe one day
I have to go to a high rise.

798
00:40:34,768 --> 00:40:36,144
There's too many
flights of stairs

799
00:40:36,186 --> 00:40:37,896
to take it up,
so I take the elevator.

800
00:40:37,937 --> 00:40:40,857
And there's only one other dude
on the elevator.

801
00:40:41,441 --> 00:40:42,692
And he weird.

802
00:40:42,734 --> 00:40:44,527
[audience laughing]

803
00:40:44,569 --> 00:40:48,615
And then I get in and I hit 19
on the elevator and he hits 20.

804
00:40:48,656 --> 00:40:50,950
I'm like, "This about to be
a journey, all right."

805
00:40:50,992 --> 00:40:53,453
[audience laughing]

806
00:40:53,495 --> 00:40:56,331
But I'm trying to
be more empathetic because...
[chuckles]

807
00:40:57,207 --> 00:41:01,294
...because, like, I think,
truly, that all of us,

808
00:41:01,336 --> 00:41:04,673
no matter who you are,
we're all doing the best we can

809
00:41:04,714 --> 00:41:06,299
with what we have.

810
00:41:06,341 --> 00:41:07,509
Everybody.

811
00:41:08,051 --> 00:41:09,969
It's not an excuse.
Sometimes that's very sad.

812
00:41:10,011 --> 00:41:12,138
Sometimes like,
"That's your best? Oh, no."

813
00:41:14,182 --> 00:41:17,977
But it's true, we're all doing
our best as much as we can.

814
00:41:18,019 --> 00:41:19,813
Which means
when you meet a weird person,

815
00:41:19,854 --> 00:41:21,189
they could have been weirder.

816
00:41:21,231 --> 00:41:24,025
-[audience laughing]
-You know?

817
00:41:24,067 --> 00:41:25,652
Like maybe they did
walk up to you,

818
00:41:25,694 --> 00:41:28,321
to start talking about fish
and stuff like that,

819
00:41:28,363 --> 00:41:30,407
but they could have
walked up like...

820
00:41:30,448 --> 00:41:32,033
[makes unhinged sounds]

821
00:41:33,118 --> 00:41:34,828
I'm also trying to
be more empathetic

822
00:41:34,869 --> 00:41:36,454
-'cause I'm weird.
-[woman shouting] Yes!

823
00:41:36,496 --> 00:41:37,831
I'm, like, a weird guy.

824
00:41:37,872 --> 00:41:41,459
[audience cheering]

825
00:41:41,501 --> 00:41:42,794
You know?

826
00:41:42,836 --> 00:41:44,129
Like,
if we hung out after this,

827
00:41:44,170 --> 00:41:46,214
you be like, "He off."
[chuckles]

828
00:41:47,465 --> 00:41:49,884
It's a thing
that I know about myself.

829
00:41:51,052 --> 00:41:52,387
I give you my best example.

830
00:41:52,429 --> 00:41:54,139
I used to work
at a grocery store.

831
00:41:54,180 --> 00:41:56,016
And when I worked there
I worked with a guy

832
00:41:56,057 --> 00:41:57,350
who was very weird.

833
00:41:58,309 --> 00:41:59,310
Like, deeply.

834
00:42:00,478 --> 00:42:03,565
It was never malicious,
but it was always very weird.

835
00:42:04,190 --> 00:42:05,400
Like, he would just...

836
00:42:05,984 --> 00:42:08,862
microwave fish
in the break room...

837
00:42:09,946 --> 00:42:11,781
and then eat it
in front of all of us

838
00:42:11,823 --> 00:42:13,366
like he wasn't a terrorist.

839
00:42:13,408 --> 00:42:15,243
[audience laughing]

840
00:42:15,285 --> 00:42:18,038
And so then I became his friend,
cause I've never been more sure

841
00:42:18,079 --> 00:42:19,873
someone was gonna
shoot up a store.

842
00:42:19,914 --> 00:42:21,750
[audience laughing]

843
00:42:21,791 --> 00:42:24,711
Then when I saw him hit
five minutes
on some Atlantic salmon,

844
00:42:24,753 --> 00:42:27,756
I'm like, "He probably got
that gun on him right now.

845
00:42:28,673 --> 00:42:30,216
I gotta play my cards right."

846
00:42:30,258 --> 00:42:32,052
'Cause in my mind,
if we're friends that means

847
00:42:32,093 --> 00:42:34,054
the day he shoots up
the store he's gonna be like,

848
00:42:34,095 --> 00:42:36,348
"Josh... [chuckling]
...get out of here."

849
00:42:37,307 --> 00:42:39,434
I'm like,
"All right my man, okay.

850
00:42:39,476 --> 00:42:41,936
I told y'all
should be nice to him,
that's on y'all."

851
00:42:45,565 --> 00:42:47,901
And so we become friends,
genuine friends.

852
00:42:47,942 --> 00:42:49,986
And then one day
he calls me and he's like,

853
00:42:50,028 --> 00:42:53,948
"Hey, Josh, I would love
for you to come have dinner

854
00:42:53,990 --> 00:42:55,658
with me and my family."

855
00:42:55,700 --> 00:42:57,327
Which I was very excited about.

856
00:42:58,119 --> 00:43:00,080
'Cause if we're out here
having dinner together,

857
00:43:00,121 --> 00:43:02,082
that means he gon' call me
the day before

858
00:43:02,123 --> 00:43:03,291
he shoot up the store.

859
00:43:04,793 --> 00:43:07,796
He'd be like,
"Josh don't come in Thursday,
it's going down."

860
00:43:10,256 --> 00:43:12,092
And so I roll up
to the house.

861
00:43:12,133 --> 00:43:14,552
And I'm willing to be wrong,
I am.

862
00:43:14,594 --> 00:43:17,347
But to my knowledge,
there's only two handshakes

863
00:43:17,389 --> 00:43:18,932
that you use to greet people.

864
00:43:18,973 --> 00:43:20,433
All right?

865
00:43:20,475 --> 00:43:22,268
There's the traditional
handshake.

866
00:43:22,644 --> 00:43:24,354
You know. Open palm.

867
00:43:24,396 --> 00:43:26,439
And then there's the fist bump,
"Hey, how you doing?"

868
00:43:28,024 --> 00:43:30,235
This man opened the door,
looked me in my eyes,

869
00:43:30,276 --> 00:43:32,070
extended his arm
and didn't do either one.

870
00:43:32,112 --> 00:43:35,949
He just did this.
What is this? What is this?

871
00:43:35,990 --> 00:43:38,410
What the hell is happening
right now?

872
00:43:38,451 --> 00:43:41,413
This is the craziest thing
that I've ever seen, all right?

873
00:43:41,454 --> 00:43:43,581
You can't even high five this,
you'll miss.

874
00:43:43,623 --> 00:43:45,125
What is this?

875
00:43:46,334 --> 00:43:49,587
This is absolute insanity.
This is not a handshake.

876
00:43:49,629 --> 00:43:52,549
This is how you feed a horse
when you're scared.

877
00:43:55,051 --> 00:43:56,636
What is this?

878
00:43:56,678 --> 00:43:58,013
And I don't know what to do,

879
00:43:58,054 --> 00:44:00,306
but I don't wanna be rude
and so I just...

880
00:44:01,349 --> 00:44:04,394
pinched it, like a crab,
on the side.

881
00:44:06,187 --> 00:44:08,606
And started going
up and down like that.

882
00:44:08,648 --> 00:44:12,235
[audience laughing]

883
00:44:16,364 --> 00:44:19,075
And here's the thing,
the social contract with a pound

884
00:44:19,117 --> 00:44:20,869
is that
it's a moment in time,

885
00:44:20,910 --> 00:44:22,412
you know, it's a,
"Hey, what's up?

886
00:44:22,454 --> 00:44:24,164
What's good with you?
How you doing?"

887
00:44:24,205 --> 00:44:27,250
Right? The social contract
with a handshake is that

888
00:44:27,292 --> 00:44:30,086
we both extend our hand,
we give each other a firm grip,

889
00:44:30,128 --> 00:44:31,963
and then when
you start to let go,

890
00:44:32,005 --> 00:44:33,506
I know to let go, right?

891
00:44:33,548 --> 00:44:36,676
But because
this is nothing but let go,

892
00:44:36,718 --> 00:44:38,261
I don't know when to let go.

893
00:44:38,845 --> 00:44:41,723
So I'm just doing this
for what feels like a day.

894
00:44:42,557 --> 00:44:44,559
And he's just taking it,
he's just letting me do it.

895
00:44:44,601 --> 00:44:47,562
He's like,
"Yes, this is right,

896
00:44:48,063 --> 00:44:49,606
This pleases me."

897
00:44:52,400 --> 00:44:54,402
And I'm not gonna lie,
it made me see my friend

898
00:44:54,444 --> 00:44:55,820
in an entirely different light.

899
00:44:56,404 --> 00:44:58,281
Cause when
this is your dad...

900
00:44:59,115 --> 00:45:00,992
maybe microwaving some fish
isn't that crazy.

901
00:45:01,034 --> 00:45:03,203
Maybe he's just
doing the best he can

902
00:45:03,244 --> 00:45:04,662
with what he has.

903
00:45:08,249 --> 00:45:10,835
I'm also trying very hard
to be accepting of--

904
00:45:11,336 --> 00:45:13,505
Maybe not just accepting,
like, happy...

905
00:45:14,005 --> 00:45:15,465
when things are fine.

906
00:45:16,591 --> 00:45:18,301
We always want things
to be great.

907
00:45:20,679 --> 00:45:24,057
Fine is pretty great,
'cause it could be bad.

908
00:45:24,933 --> 00:45:26,893
I understand
that we all want life

909
00:45:26,935 --> 00:45:29,437
to be great
all the time, but...

910
00:45:30,063 --> 00:45:31,231
it's not gonna be great.

911
00:45:31,272 --> 00:45:32,524
If it can at least be good

912
00:45:32,565 --> 00:45:34,818
most of the time,
that's great.

913
00:45:35,318 --> 00:45:39,030
Gotta appreciate
how "fine" is amazing.

914
00:45:40,740 --> 00:45:42,492
That's what gratitude is.

915
00:45:42,534 --> 00:45:44,786
That's the basis of it,
you know.

916
00:45:44,828 --> 00:45:47,539
[audience applauding]

917
00:45:51,626 --> 00:45:53,712
I especially apply it
in dating.

918
00:45:53,753 --> 00:45:56,589
[audience laughs]

919
00:45:56,631 --> 00:45:57,632
'Cause I'm fine.

920
00:45:58,925 --> 00:46:01,803
You know what I mean?
I'm not amazing, but I'm here.

921
00:46:02,470 --> 00:46:04,681
I love dating somebody
right after

922
00:46:04,723 --> 00:46:06,683
they dated somebody
that was trash. [chuckles]

923
00:46:08,560 --> 00:46:12,147
Because I'm just fine,
but I look amazing.

924
00:46:13,440 --> 00:46:15,608
You can always tell
you've dated a woman

925
00:46:15,650 --> 00:46:17,527
right after she dated
somebody that was trash,

926
00:46:17,569 --> 00:46:19,738
'cause all of her compliments
aren't compliments.

927
00:46:20,947 --> 00:46:23,491
You know? I went on a date
that she was like,

928
00:46:23,533 --> 00:46:26,286
"Oh, my God,
mustard and ketchup?"

929
00:46:26,327 --> 00:46:29,122
[audience laughing]

930
00:46:34,044 --> 00:46:35,712
You know?

931
00:46:35,754 --> 00:46:38,506
I went on a date one time,
at the end of the date,

932
00:46:38,548 --> 00:46:40,800
I was like,
"I had a great time,
I hope you did too."

933
00:46:40,842 --> 00:46:43,762
I could tell that
there was a veil, like she
wasn't actually talking to me.

934
00:46:43,803 --> 00:46:46,681
She was just thinking
out loud, like,
"Oh, I had a good time too.

935
00:46:46,723 --> 00:46:48,558
And I'm just glad
you got all your teeth."

936
00:46:48,600 --> 00:46:50,810
I was like,
"What did you just say?"

937
00:46:51,519 --> 00:46:54,647
"Teeth?" And she was like,
"I was getting so sick of soup."

938
00:46:54,689 --> 00:46:55,815
I was like, "Soup?"

939
00:46:55,857 --> 00:46:58,276
[audience laughing]

940
00:46:58,318 --> 00:46:59,694
She said
I had all my teeth--

941
00:46:59,736 --> 00:47:01,696
man,
what have you been through?

942
00:47:02,530 --> 00:47:05,283
THERAPIST: My God,
you talk about teeth a lot.

943
00:47:05,784 --> 00:47:07,327
I do.

944
00:47:07,369 --> 00:47:08,870
Because I try very hard,

945
00:47:08,912 --> 00:47:12,624
as I'd like to believe
everybody does, to...

946
00:47:13,500 --> 00:47:16,294
love everybody the same,
no matter what,

947
00:47:16,336 --> 00:47:18,630
at least give people a chance,
you know?

948
00:47:18,672 --> 00:47:20,465
And especially not have
a prejudice against a person

949
00:47:20,507 --> 00:47:22,175
'cause they're a member
of a group

950
00:47:22,217 --> 00:47:23,760
'cause you can't help
what groups you're in.

951
00:47:25,553 --> 00:47:27,263
But I'm not gonna lie to you.

952
00:47:28,264 --> 00:47:29,391
I'm not perfect.

953
00:47:32,644 --> 00:47:35,313
Some groups are very hard
to get along with.

954
00:47:35,689 --> 00:47:37,941
You're not supposed to
say that now, but it's true.

955
00:47:37,982 --> 00:47:39,818
Some groups just suck.

956
00:47:39,859 --> 00:47:41,611
[audience laughing]

957
00:47:43,697 --> 00:47:46,574
Middle schoolers
are the worst people
on the entire planet.

958
00:47:46,616 --> 00:47:49,703
-Like....
-[audience cheering]

959
00:47:49,744 --> 00:47:52,747
...why are they this mean?
They are so mean.

960
00:47:52,789 --> 00:47:55,500
I didn't do anything to--
Middle schoolers make you forget

961
00:47:55,542 --> 00:47:57,252
that you're not
in middle school, you know?

962
00:47:58,420 --> 00:48:01,214
Like, I have a life
and a girlfriend,
and that all melts away

963
00:48:01,256 --> 00:48:03,383
when you're like,
"The dude with those shoes."

964
00:48:05,260 --> 00:48:08,346
Middle schoolers are the worst,
'cause they're just
adult enough to be mean,

965
00:48:08,388 --> 00:48:12,017
but just young enough to have
the innocence of a child
and the honesty, right?

966
00:48:12,058 --> 00:48:14,436
So whatever they say to you
gonna get in here.

967
00:48:14,477 --> 00:48:16,479
[audience laughing]

968
00:48:17,772 --> 00:48:19,399
Okay,
just so you know about me,

969
00:48:19,441 --> 00:48:21,818
I, no matter the situation,

970
00:48:21,860 --> 00:48:25,655
no matter the occasion,
I always wear pants.

971
00:48:26,781 --> 00:48:30,493
I always wear pants
'cause I got skinny legs, okay?

972
00:48:30,535 --> 00:48:33,580
I don't need people knowing
that the knee
is the thickest part.

973
00:48:33,621 --> 00:48:34,622
That's not sexy.

974
00:48:34,664 --> 00:48:37,792
-[audience laughing]
-Okay?

975
00:48:38,335 --> 00:48:41,880
My legs, ankle size
all the way up.

976
00:48:41,921 --> 00:48:43,089
That's not hot.

977
00:48:43,131 --> 00:48:46,092
[audience laughing]

978
00:48:46,134 --> 00:48:48,219
I look like a bird
in my underwear.

979
00:48:52,474 --> 00:48:54,517
Especially when I get itchy.

980
00:49:00,357 --> 00:49:03,068
And so I always wear pants,

981
00:49:03,109 --> 00:49:04,903
except for one day.

982
00:49:05,820 --> 00:49:08,156
There was one day,
I don't know what it was,

983
00:49:08,198 --> 00:49:09,699
I was feeling myself.

984
00:49:10,450 --> 00:49:11,701
I was happy.

985
00:49:12,452 --> 00:49:14,621
I own a pair of shorts,
so I threw them on.

986
00:49:15,288 --> 00:49:17,040
I was like,
"Let's make these bird legs

987
00:49:17,082 --> 00:49:18,875
the world's problem,
you know what I'm saying?

988
00:49:20,168 --> 00:49:22,671
So I left the house
happy, struttin'.

989
00:49:23,296 --> 00:49:25,674
Until I passed
a middle school.

990
00:49:27,384 --> 00:49:30,053
And these little monsters
clocked me from far away.

991
00:49:31,096 --> 00:49:33,223
And you know somebody
about to say something mean

992
00:49:33,264 --> 00:49:34,933
when they smile first.

993
00:49:36,309 --> 00:49:39,229
They saw me down the street
and they were like... [scoffs]

994
00:49:39,270 --> 00:49:43,775
[audience laughing]

995
00:49:43,817 --> 00:49:46,820
And so I,
not wanting to be victim
to their taunts,

996
00:49:46,861 --> 00:49:48,488
decided to run.

997
00:49:49,948 --> 00:49:52,492
Which didn't help my case,
cause running skinny legs

998
00:49:52,534 --> 00:49:53,952
look like skinnier legs.

999
00:49:53,993 --> 00:49:55,704
There's less leg to see now.

1000
00:49:56,663 --> 00:49:58,832
And it was two of them and...

1001
00:49:59,582 --> 00:50:01,543
one of them leaned over
like he was gonna whisper

1002
00:50:01,584 --> 00:50:03,420
to his friend,
but then he yelled out at me.

1003
00:50:03,461 --> 00:50:05,380
He was like,
"Hey, slow down,

1004
00:50:05,422 --> 00:50:07,716
you want them match sticks
to catch on fire?"

1005
00:50:09,759 --> 00:50:13,638
And then his friend,
who was in a wheelchair,
by the way,

1006
00:50:13,680 --> 00:50:16,641
his friend in the wheelchair
was just like, "Damn.

1007
00:50:17,183 --> 00:50:19,227
I thought
my legs were messed up."

1008
00:50:19,269 --> 00:50:22,480
[audience laughing]

1009
00:50:24,983 --> 00:50:28,111
They're terrible people
and it shouldn't be
illegal to hit them.

1010
00:50:28,153 --> 00:50:30,822
[audience laughing]

1011
00:50:34,159 --> 00:50:36,703
I'm not supposed to
talk about this, but...

1012
00:50:37,454 --> 00:50:39,372
what else is this for,
then, you know?

1013
00:50:42,250 --> 00:50:44,878
I have a, like, a stalker.

1014
00:50:45,795 --> 00:50:47,964
And it's actually been
really scary.

1015
00:50:48,006 --> 00:50:50,592
It's, like, it's this person.
I don't know what the issue is.

1016
00:50:50,633 --> 00:50:52,635
I don't-- I don't--
I'm not gonna--

1017
00:50:53,011 --> 00:50:54,304
I'm not a doctor.

1018
00:50:54,346 --> 00:50:55,764
I can't tell you
what's going on,

1019
00:50:55,805 --> 00:50:57,515
but I will say that,
like,

1020
00:50:57,557 --> 00:51:00,185
they have it in their head
that they're me.

1021
00:51:00,226 --> 00:51:03,563
So then anytime I post
or have a life event happen,

1022
00:51:03,605 --> 00:51:06,232
they get really upset
and they just send me, like,

1023
00:51:06,274 --> 00:51:08,234
nonstop death threats,
right?

1024
00:51:08,276 --> 00:51:09,903
And it's really scary stuff.

1025
00:51:09,944 --> 00:51:12,113
Like, "You're going to bleed.
I know where you are.

1026
00:51:12,155 --> 00:51:14,657
I'm going to get to you.
You're going to die."

1027
00:51:14,699 --> 00:51:16,534
All right? And...

1028
00:51:18,036 --> 00:51:19,412
I don't know--

1029
00:51:21,289 --> 00:51:24,793
It's a tough thing, because
when you're in this situation,

1030
00:51:24,834 --> 00:51:26,795
especially when
it's a person's delusion,

1031
00:51:26,836 --> 00:51:30,090
you're actually not supposed to
talk about it in a big way,

1032
00:51:30,131 --> 00:51:32,550
because then
any engagement with it

1033
00:51:32,592 --> 00:51:34,636
actually fuels the delusion.

1034
00:51:35,595 --> 00:51:37,472
So then
it can just get worse.

1035
00:51:37,514 --> 00:51:39,599
But that's an incredibly
isolating feeling,

1036
00:51:39,641 --> 00:51:41,393
and you're isolated
while you're scared.

1037
00:51:41,434 --> 00:51:42,602
It's horrible.

1038
00:51:43,812 --> 00:51:46,981
And I remember
we called the-- the--

1039
00:51:47,023 --> 00:51:49,484
cops about it
and they were like,
"Well, you know,

1040
00:51:49,526 --> 00:51:53,988
these death threats
are coming all via fake accounts
and everything,

1041
00:51:54,030 --> 00:51:56,908
and until they do something,
there's nothing we can do.

1042
00:51:56,950 --> 00:51:59,285
So your life
is just different now."

1043
00:51:59,327 --> 00:52:02,414
[audience laughing
and sighing]

1044
00:52:02,455 --> 00:52:03,957
They did, they were like,
"Well, look,

1045
00:52:03,998 --> 00:52:05,583
when you're walking
at night,

1046
00:52:05,625 --> 00:52:07,335
you may want to have
an earbud out.

1047
00:52:07,377 --> 00:52:09,546
Just be aware
of your surroundings
at all times.

1048
00:52:09,587 --> 00:52:12,507
If you feel threatened,
I don't know,
maybe put a key

1049
00:52:12,549 --> 00:52:15,093
in between your fingers
or something
when you're walking at night.

1050
00:52:15,135 --> 00:52:18,304
Like, just always be aware
of where you are

1051
00:52:18,346 --> 00:52:20,557
and who's around you,
exits,

1052
00:52:20,598 --> 00:52:22,892
just you have to start
assessing situations."

1053
00:52:22,934 --> 00:52:25,854
And it's crazy,
because now because of this,

1054
00:52:25,895 --> 00:52:27,939
I have to be
as careful as, like...

1055
00:52:28,940 --> 00:52:30,066
any woman.

1056
00:52:30,108 --> 00:52:33,069
[audience laughing
and applauding]

1057
00:52:36,781 --> 00:52:39,534
I'm not even like a famous guy.
You know what I mean?

1058
00:52:39,576 --> 00:52:41,286
I'm not even a superstar
and they--

1059
00:52:41,327 --> 00:52:42,829
but I got just famous enough,

1060
00:52:42,871 --> 00:52:44,748
that it's like I have
big titties or something.

1061
00:52:44,789 --> 00:52:46,374
I gotta be very careful

1062
00:52:46,416 --> 00:52:48,084
when I move through
these streets.

1063
00:52:49,085 --> 00:52:51,212
And I don't know,
this is gonna sound conceited,

1064
00:52:51,254 --> 00:52:53,882
but I thought that if--
I never wanted
anything like it--

1065
00:52:53,923 --> 00:52:56,551
but if something like this
was to happen,

1066
00:52:56,593 --> 00:52:59,721
I thought I'd be
further along in my career.

1067
00:52:59,763 --> 00:53:01,222
You know what I mean?

1068
00:53:02,223 --> 00:53:04,309
'Cause then they asked me,
straight up, they were like,

1069
00:53:04,351 --> 00:53:08,605
"Do you have money for, like,
a personal security detail?"

1070
00:53:08,646 --> 00:53:10,774
And I was like, "No!"

1071
00:53:14,569 --> 00:53:17,113
And I remember,
when I said "no,"
the guy was like,

1072
00:53:17,155 --> 00:53:18,782
[sucks teeth] Ooh.

1073
00:53:20,533 --> 00:53:22,077
"Oh, they probably
gonna get you, then.

1074
00:53:22,118 --> 00:53:23,578
I'm sorry." [chuckles]

1075
00:53:26,373 --> 00:53:29,250
It really changed
my relationship with people.

1076
00:53:30,126 --> 00:53:31,836
THERAPIST: You know,
it's interesting

1077
00:53:31,878 --> 00:53:33,713
that you have
that experience,

1078
00:53:33,755 --> 00:53:36,091
because I don't think
enough men really understand

1079
00:53:36,132 --> 00:53:37,717
what women go through
on a day--

1080
00:53:37,759 --> 00:53:39,302
I think I should buy a gun.

1081
00:53:39,344 --> 00:53:41,971
I don't have a gun.

1082
00:53:42,681 --> 00:53:44,599
Like, I don't like guns,
I don't really--

1083
00:53:44,641 --> 00:53:46,059
it's not even
a political thing,

1084
00:53:46,101 --> 00:53:47,644
I'm not like,
"Have you seen the stats?"

1085
00:53:47,686 --> 00:53:51,022
I just, as Josh,
don't like guns, right?

1086
00:53:51,064 --> 00:53:53,983
And I don't like guns
because I grew up in Louisiana.

1087
00:53:54,526 --> 00:53:56,444
And when
I was in the sixth grade,

1088
00:53:56,486 --> 00:53:58,571
they wanted to teach us
about the history of combat.

1089
00:53:58,613 --> 00:54:00,615
And so they took
the whole sixth grade class

1090
00:54:00,657 --> 00:54:03,159
on a field trip
to a shooting range.

1091
00:54:04,160 --> 00:54:07,956
Which I know
sounds crazy to say,
but you have to understand,

1092
00:54:07,997 --> 00:54:11,126
in Louisiana,
shooting is required reading.
All right?

1093
00:54:11,167 --> 00:54:13,086
We were gonna learn
sooner or later.

1094
00:54:13,128 --> 00:54:15,797
And every kid got to shoot
one arrow with a bow and arrow

1095
00:54:15,839 --> 00:54:18,591
and they got to shoot one round
from a rifle, right?

1096
00:54:18,633 --> 00:54:22,345
And the rifle
is screwed into the wall
and locked in, okay?

1097
00:54:22,387 --> 00:54:24,806
It's not, like,
a school shooter's dream,
all right? [chuckles]

1098
00:54:24,848 --> 00:54:27,809
It's not like
the kid was gonna grab
the rifle like, "Finally."

1099
00:54:27,851 --> 00:54:30,270
-[audience laughing]
-All right?

1100
00:54:31,813 --> 00:54:33,440
If he could have
ripped it out of the wall,

1101
00:54:33,481 --> 00:54:35,400
he could have killed us
with his bare hands.

1102
00:54:36,609 --> 00:54:39,237
And I remember I shot the arrow
and it sailed through the air,

1103
00:54:39,279 --> 00:54:41,156
but I couldn't Robin Hood it,
you know,

1104
00:54:41,197 --> 00:54:43,742
I even hit the sack,
but then it flopped and it fell

1105
00:54:43,783 --> 00:54:45,493
and I was a little embarrassed.

1106
00:54:45,535 --> 00:54:48,413
So I wanted to do
a really good job
with the rifle and so...

1107
00:54:48,455 --> 00:54:50,623
it was my turn,
and the rifle
was racked up low,

1108
00:54:50,665 --> 00:54:52,167
so I had to get down
on one knee,

1109
00:54:52,208 --> 00:54:54,085
and I did everything
that I was supposed to do.

1110
00:54:54,127 --> 00:54:56,338
I put the stock
at my shoulder,

1111
00:54:56,379 --> 00:54:58,340
I looked through the sight
at the target.

1112
00:54:58,381 --> 00:55:00,508
I pulled the trigger,
I felt the recoil,

1113
00:55:00,550 --> 00:55:02,677
it knocked me back
and everything,

1114
00:55:02,719 --> 00:55:06,222
and my first time
shooting a gun...

1115
00:55:08,391 --> 00:55:10,268
was also my first boner.

1116
00:55:10,310 --> 00:55:12,354
And I was like,
"That's not good,
not good at all.

1117
00:55:12,395 --> 00:55:15,315
I don't like this
in the least.
This supposed to be for titties,

1118
00:55:15,357 --> 00:55:17,901
I don't know
what happened just now.
This is horrible."

1119
00:55:17,942 --> 00:55:21,196
'Cause the worst part
about getting your first boner
from shooting a gun

1120
00:55:21,237 --> 00:55:24,115
isn't finding out
you're a psycho, right?

1121
00:55:24,157 --> 00:55:27,160
It's that now I gotta
stand up and turn around

1122
00:55:27,202 --> 00:55:30,872
in front of
my whole sixth grade class,
rock hard, okay?

1123
00:55:30,914 --> 00:55:32,874
And every dude knows
you're never harder

1124
00:55:32,916 --> 00:55:34,292
than you are in middle school.

1125
00:55:34,334 --> 00:55:36,044
That's the hardest
you're going to be

1126
00:55:36,086 --> 00:55:38,338
in your entire life,
"You slamming your dick

1127
00:55:38,380 --> 00:55:40,590
in doors and not feeling it,"
hard.

1128
00:55:40,632 --> 00:55:43,426
People wonder
why middle school boys
are so weird,

1129
00:55:43,468 --> 00:55:47,055
it's 'cause there's no blood
going to the brain
for, like, three more years.

1130
00:55:47,097 --> 00:55:48,890
I was so hard
when I looked down

1131
00:55:48,932 --> 00:55:51,101
I was like,
"I am a Republican.

1132
00:55:51,142 --> 00:55:54,020
There is no way
that I am not."

1133
00:55:54,437 --> 00:55:56,064
You're so hard
when you're a middle school--

1134
00:55:56,106 --> 00:55:57,691
I mean,
I shouldn't even say this,

1135
00:55:57,732 --> 00:55:59,234
but I'm about to leave,
so whatever.

1136
00:55:59,275 --> 00:56:01,653
You're so hard
when you're in middle school,

1137
00:56:01,695 --> 00:56:04,239
I actually understand why
some of those female teachers
be fucking their students.

1138
00:56:04,280 --> 00:56:06,991
'Cause it's, like,
she's never gonna get

1139
00:56:07,033 --> 00:56:10,203
that level of dick again
in life.

1140
00:56:10,245 --> 00:56:11,621
It won't happen.

1141
00:56:11,663 --> 00:56:14,290
[audience laughing]

1142
00:56:18,586 --> 00:56:21,840
That's our time.
Thank you so much.
Thanks for listening.

1143
00:56:21,881 --> 00:56:25,051
[audience cheering
and applauding]

1144
00:56:33,935 --> 00:56:37,105
This is the most important thing
in the world to me,

1145
00:56:37,147 --> 00:56:39,524
because it's one
of the last places

1146
00:56:39,566 --> 00:56:43,236
that you can be
completely honest
and get away with it.

1147
00:56:45,697 --> 00:56:47,615
Like, the deeper
that I dig into this,

1148
00:56:47,657 --> 00:56:50,326
the more I realize
that it actually saved my life.

1149
00:56:51,244 --> 00:56:52,787
Like,
if I didn't have this...

1150
00:56:53,371 --> 00:56:55,915
I probably
would have killed myself
a long time ago.

1151
00:56:57,042 --> 00:57:00,086
It's a hard thing to admit,
because people look at you
different...

1152
00:57:00,962 --> 00:57:02,297
after you say that.

1153
00:57:03,423 --> 00:57:06,801
It's why you,
just by being here...

1154
00:57:07,677 --> 00:57:08,928
just by listening...

1155
00:57:09,763 --> 00:57:11,014
saved my life.

1156
00:57:14,517 --> 00:57:17,979
And I think I'd be remiss
if I didn't at least
take a second

1157
00:57:18,021 --> 00:57:20,357
to say, thank you.

1158
00:57:26,154 --> 00:57:28,365
[footsteps departing]

1159
00:57:28,406 --> 00:57:30,408
[traffic din]

1160
00:57:30,450 --> 00:57:32,077
[birds chirping]

1161
00:57:33,870 --> 00:57:37,040
[indistinct chatter]

1162
00:57:40,210 --> 00:57:44,047
[people cheering
and applauding]

1163
00:58:00,480 --> 00:58:05,735
[smooth jazz playing]

1164
00:59:00,623 --> 00:59:05,879
***

1165
00:59:42,749 --> 00:59:44,501
[music fades]



