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[Matt] This is a singer-songwriter
whose debut album sold over ten million copies worldwide.
Someone who's sold over a million concert tickets
and gone from pubs to clubs to arenas
and enormous festival crowds in just a few years.
And he's done so while remaining resolutely himself.
So please welcome to the stage, Lewis Capaldi.
[cheering and applause]
I think I've never been more insecure in my life than I am now.
The success of the first one made me feel more insecure
and sort of self-conscious about my own abilities.
[Matt] Do you spend a lot of time thinking about that?
[Lewis] Oh, yeah, big time. I'm thinking about it now.
[Ryan] You're really anxious. I find it difficult to watch you.
[Lewis] It's one of these things.
-[Ryan] But it's not. -It is.
-What can I do? -Yeah.
But you're in pain because of that.
[Lewis] I feel like I'm in a race against the clock
to get my mental health in order.
[drum roll]
[trumpet music playing]
What's the date today, what's the date?
The 26th, Thursday, 26th December, 2018.
The day I became a celeb.
[upbeat music playing]
That famous that I've now got my own private shitter.
That I let other people use.
Hello, ladies!
This here says, "He looks so fucking cool."
I guess so, mate. Thank you.
I guess fucking so.
From here on, I will climb through the celeb hierarchy.
I'll start, naturally, on the C-list.
I hope you're enjoying yourselves. Very nice to be here.
[cheering]
Sure enough, I'll climb up through the Bs…
-I don't know who Lewis Capaldi is. -Hope he's watching.
I feel like I fucking know you. I've seen your face everywhere.
[Lewis] …then through the As…
No hiding place now.
I'm a fucking celeb.
♪ To get me through it all ♪
♪ I let my guard down And then you pulled the rug ♪
♪ I was getting kinda used to being Someone you loved ♪
[Lewis] Number one in fucking America.
Get in!
And now making his US television debut…
-The fabulous… -…Lewis Capaldi!
What a superstar!
Clubs. Yes, guys.
Parties.
I shall wear the finest garments.
Fits perfect, like a glove.
I will dine in the finest restaurants, in the finest cities.
And when all is said and done, I shall lay at the bottom of a pit…
-[screaming] -…a shadow of the man I once was.
But I will rise. I will rise.
[music stops]
[woman] Is it worth it? Making you feel like this?
[mellow music playing]
[birds chirping]
[sheep bleating]
[church bell tolling]
[dog barking]
[Lewis] There's nothing further from the Grammys than Whitburn.
Small towns, loads of pubs.
That's it.
I always saw myself as someone
who would not live in their hometown and stuff.
But that's not fuckin' such a bad thing.
It's just like the antithesis of, like, all the fucking mad shit.
Ordinary is such a remarkable thing. Do you know what I mean?
There's something to be said for that… beauty
in, like, an everyday life.
[birds squawking]
[indistinct chatter]
I do love the fact that I am a Scottish person.
And I like the patter that people have.
-[chip shop assistant] That's you. -Cheers, cheers.
[Lewis] I do like the mindset of, like, realists.
[inaudible speech]
[bartender] Look at that.
[Lewis] Everyone just stays on that level of,
"Let's give this a go and we'll probably fuck it up,
but we'll have a good time."
Do you know what I mean?
I've kind of learned how much that I actually do love where I'm from.
I feel like I'm home, and everything's just the same as always.
That's quite a nice feeling.
I mean, obviously, I've kind of picked the wrong career now if I wanted that.
Anonymity is not, um, something that I'm as familiar with.
There's that woman in the optician's pointing.
Weird she can see us from that distance despite being in an optician's.
You don't need to be there.
You're cured. [chuckles]
That's the test, look out of the window,
if you manage to spot Lewis Capaldi, your glasses are working.
Thank you.
There you go. See.
Hello.
[mellow music playing]
[dog barking]
[dog panting]
[indistinct chatter]
[Mark] This ain't The Osbournes.
God's sake!
-[Lewis] Hello? -[Greg] Who goes there?
It's I, Lewis Capaldi, the ugly bastard.
-[Greg] What's happening? -[Lewis] Fuck all, Greg.
[Greg] Okay. Wanted to let you know where we are with the US Airplay campaign
that you have been working so hard on.
So, "Before You Go," right now, it's firmly in the number one position.
It's the longest journey to number one
in the history of the Billboard Airplay Chart.
Fucking hell.
And the Mediabase Airplay Chart as well.
Thank you so much, Greg.
And Lewis, stop bringing us fucking slow, sad songs.
It's too fucking hard.
[laughs]
I'll speed it up for the next album, honestly.
See ya, Greg. Thank you so much, mate.
-All right, bye. -Right. Bye-bye.
There you go. Fucking hell.
-[captivating music playing] -[crowd cheering]
[imperceptible]
[Lewis] A global pandemic is only in the top three weird things
that have happened to me in the last three years.
Thank you so much for everything you've done for me
over the last wee while.
My life has been fucking incredible, so thank you so much
for everything you've done.
Look at how far they go.
I hadn't been away from home.
The first time I went to America
was because my music had taken us there.
In the last two years, people have become really nice to me.
But it's just coincidental.
[all shouting]
[woman] Running a disco next door.
[man] Let's do it!
[Lewis] Making the first album, touring the album, recording it…
Just don't get the cock in.
I think it was as close to dreams coming true
as you could possibly get.
But as soon as your first album does well,
it's like, "Can he do it again, though?"
So there's that tension all the time.
You can only be the next big thing for, like, a year.
[cheering]
The clock's ticking.
You get your whole life to write your first album
and then a year or six months or something to write your second.
[keyboard playing]
I'm in my parents' shed.
This is where I've been doing most of the second album from.
This is not how I expected to be doing a second album. Do you know what I mean?
If we're in doing a bit of recording, everything's fine,
and I just go, "Right, this isn't going very well."
"I'm off for a wank."
[chuckling] You know? It's like…
It seems like a very…
It's just a much, much simpler thing.
Maybe not a wank, I do live with my parents.
But that's a dangerous situation to be… to be masturbating in.
[dishes clattering]
[Carol] You empty the dishwasher. On you go.
-[Lewis] I did it the other day. -[Carol] You did.
-You don't volunteer. -I did it, I volunteered to do it.
I did it out of my own accord.
You do that in here.
[Carol] It just all seems very bizarre.
It's as if you're watching a movie or something.
It's very, very strange.
He still wanders about in his pants and he comes up,
"I've not got any clean underwear, you need to give me some."
-You do that a lot. -Come on.
Everybody's gotta eat that
and you're sticking your manky fork in it.
Sometimes you think he's very adult, and then other times you think,
"You've still got a lot of growing up to do."
How you need to phone your mother
to come and pick you up from your one-night stand?
-That's not a story that needs to be told. -[laughs]
I'm glad you brought that up.
[Mark] Wee Luigi, he's got a heart of gold.
He's what you see, he's just a nice kid.
There's no airs and graces about him.
Why are you pretending that you cook?
-I do this all the time. -Does he, Mum?
-Of course I do. -[Carol] No.
I don't want this to change him. I think that would be really bad.
It wouldn't be worth it,
if he becomes a different person from the person he is just now.
[Mark] Frank's a bit sad, is he not?
-I can't believe you're taking him. -[Lewis] Mum wants me to.
-[Mark] No. -[Lewis] She does.
-"Get that cunt out of this house." -That's me she's talking about.
No, she says, "little prick," when she's talking about you.
[laughs]
So you do get it from me then?
[laughs]
[Lewis] A friend of mine who's a musician told me that fame doesn't change you,
it changes everyone around you.
Dad brings my name up every time he's on the phone,
and it's like, "My son has lots of Instagram followers."
[Mark] "Do you know who I am?"
I just use that as a superpower, to get what I want.
-You bring it up a lot with people. -[Mark] But not as much as I used to.
[chuckles] I've kind of mellowed.
-I'm getting used to it now. -[Lewis] He's bad for it.
And a bit… And like,
didn't he get a discount off that hot tub?
No, I would've got a discount off the hot tub if you'd sat next to it.
[laughter]
Not only would I have got a discount, I'd have got a sauna, free.
But would you sit next to it?
And the hot tub was actually called "Lewis."
[Lewis] There you go, so…
And all I wanted you to do is plant a cheek next to the hot tub.
No, he wouldn't do it.
[Lewis] There you go.
[mellow guitar music playing]
This haircut as well, mullet.
That's come back in a big way.
[Mark] That's a belter.
Oh, fucking hell.
[Carol and Lewis laughing]
-That's an absolute belter. -[Lewis] Jesus.
[Carol] These are all brand-new baby ones, look.
[Lewis] I can't see them.
[upbeat rock music playing]
[music stops]
I was born in Rottenrow Hospital, Glasgow,
on 7th October, 1996.
Twenty-five years ago it is, this year.
[upbeat rock music continues]
By all accounts, easy business.
Straight out, no bother.
I asked my mum.
She had had three kids before.
[camera clicking]
Oh, fuck, yeah. My dad was supposed to get a vasectomy.
The snip.
For those who don't know,
a vasectomy is when you get your tubes cut.
Can you still cum?
Mum was like, "No need for a vasectomy, I'm pregnant."
Me.
[upbeat music playing]
[boy] Whoa!
Whoa!
I got a new CD player!
[Mark] Three was a bit odd.
And Lewis came along.
Yeah. Completed the family.
[dog barking]
Oh my God.
-What's that, Lewis? -What is it?
-You got a new guitar. -[Lewis] My oldest brother, Warren.
[Warren] We are going to rock!
[Lewis] He was the person that kind of got me into playing music.
He wanted to play guitar, I wanted to play guitar.
[Mark] You can use that with your new tuner?
[Mark and Lewis cheer]
[Mark] Lewis would always go in his room,
sit for hours practicing and then come down.
We'd all be excited, go in the kitchen, he'd say, "I've learned this."
♪ I was perched outside In the pouring rain ♪
♪ Trying to make myself a sail ♪
♪ Then I'll float to you, my darlin' ♪
♪ With the evening on my tail ♪
♪ Although not the most honest Means of travel ♪
♪ It gets me there nonetheless… ♪
[Carol] We'd all have to tiptoe when he's singing.
You can probably hear us all in the background
as we're bumping past him a lot of the time.
My name is Lewis Capaldi.
♪ And lay you down on your rug ♪
♪ Just give me some candy… ♪
When I was younger, that was your first audience, parents.
I've got loads of fond memories,
like playing them songs when I just was doing it on guitar.
And now obviously when I have songs that I've finished,
I fire them off to them on WhatsApp, or…
Yeah, it's still something I do to this day.
[strums guitar]
[singer vocalizing]
[DJ over radio] Hello. It is The Gap Unplugged.
-Lewis, how are you doing? -[Lewis] I'm all right.
[DJ] The youngest person we have ever had on The Gap.
-What age are you? -[Lewis] 12.
[DJ] How long have you been playing guitar?
[Lewis] Since nine.
[DJ] When do you think you'll be ready to start gigging across Scotland?
[Lewis] Uh… whenever.
Not in the scene much.
[upbeat music playing]
I was just the driver, happy to go along for the ride.
[Lewis] My dad used to take me to all these fucking gigs.
Drive me to Glasgow, Edinburgh.
[Mark] Jab doors.
"My kid's a singer," people going, "Fuck, aye," all that kind of stuff.
I think he was 12 or 13. We lied about his age obviously.
[Lewis] Next week we're playing at The Garage Attic in Glasgow.
I would rock up. Literally, the person would go… [feedback rings]
[shrill feedback squeals]
Two speakers on the big stands.
A tiny, wee mixing board.
I would sound fucking shite.
I go… [low-pitched] "Hi, I'm Lewis Capaldi,"
'cause that's how it sounded through that speaker.
"I'm Lewis Capaldi and this song is," whatever the song was.
[crowd chattering]
The place is fucking, like, everyone's talking to each other.
No one's listening to you. No one's turned round and looked at you.
We might have two people.
[singing indistinctly]
I would just do that for years and years.
And play these fucking shite pubs where no one gave a fuck.
Ten past seven at the minute, p.m., where I am in Scotland.
And, uh, I'm going to do a session, it's going to be lovely.
How I write, is I basically sit here…
[plays a tune]
[vocalizes]
…at a piano…
At a piano and then bust through a bunch of ideas,
put them all on my iPad here.
Then I just kind of bank them all and blast through them.
And when it comes to doing a session, I pick what ones I'm taking out.
So, like, if you see, I just label it "cool,"
because, uh, that's obviously what my music is.
Do you know, in documentaries where people go,
"I've got a song." and they play a scratchy version of it
and then you cut forward like a year?
And I'm like, "Mm, I hope it does well."
Then it just, you know, in documentaries where it skips forward
and the crowd's going mental,
and they're all singing the song and it's a hit.
It'd be good if one of those, um, did that.
If that has happened with any of these songs,
we'll skip forward to that now in three, two, one…
Still here.
It happened for none of them then. Thank you.
[guitar playing]
♪ Can't even begin to explain ♪
♪ It's such an unfamiliar pain ♪
♪ Well, it comes and it goes ♪
♪ And it leaves me alone in the dirt ♪
[song stops]
-[line ringing] -[guitar playing]
[Nick] Nice to hear you back on the guitar.
-Welcome home. -Thanks, brother.
-You always come back. -Nice to have you back.
I swear, yeah.
Second number one record in America?
-Yeah. -Yeah, that's great.
That's about you, you're bona fide now.
-You got an idea or something? -I've got a couple, yeah.
[music playing on mobile]
So it was, er…
-This one. -[Nick] I'm not picking out some words.
Oh, yeah, I mean, I'm just kind of like, yeah… Moaning.
I like that, I do like that, that kind of verse, bit of like…
♪ Can't even begin to explain ♪
♪ This all-too-well familiar pain… ♪
-It's good, interesting place to start. -Yeah.
♪ It comes and it goes ♪
♪ And it leaves me alone in the end ♪
Um… And I did have another bit there.
[Nick] I love that, "This all-too-familiar pain," that's cool.
-This flow is nice. -Yeah.
[guitar playing]
♪ 'Cause it's only the beat of my heart ♪
♪ All this way till the end to my start ♪
♪ If you wait till the end If you tell me, tell me ♪
♪ Tell me you'll leave me again ♪
-Good? Yeah. -Whoo! Yeah.
Yeah, it's cool.
[hums] ♪ More to give ♪
[Nick] ♪ …more to give ♪
Yeah.
♪ I have nothing left to lose ♪
Fuck.
♪ 'Cause if I do it all just to keep it… ♪
[Lewis] If the words in a song make me feel anything,
it's probably a good thread to follow,
whether it's a happy song or a sad song or whatever.
If it evokes enough of an emotion that it stirs up something in me,
that's the thing to follow.
♪ And nothing more I could give ♪
♪ Went down with this sinking ship now ♪
♪ Don't think I'll make it through ♪
Cool.
[vocalizes]
Fuck off, it's hard to get that on fucking key.
♪ Our salvation's… ♪
I wasn't a fucking poet. I didn't have a journal.
I still don't have a journal. I don't read.
It's not cool not to read, I wish I did,
but I don't have the attention span.
I have the attention span to play songs on stage for people.
There's no better feeling than having that rush, do you know what I mean?
♪ Through… ♪
[Nick] What?
[Edd laughing]
-♪ Fuck you ♪ -[Lewis laughing]
[Lewis] The reason I started writing music was so I could play it live.
[mellow piano music playing]
With the last album,
the first thing we brought out was the song called "Bruises."
We didn't really think it was that big of a song.
King Tut's in January, 2017.
I had to perform, like, a bunch of new songs,
"Bruises" was that song.
♪ I've been told, I've been told To get you off my mind ♪
♪ But I hope I never lose the bruises That you left behind ♪
♪ Oh, my Lord, oh, my Lord I need you by my side ♪
♪ There must be something in the water ♪
♪ 'Cause every day, it's getting colder ♪
♪ And if only I could hold you ♪
♪ You'd keep my head from going under… ♪
[crowd cheering]
♪ Maybe I, maybe I'm just being blinded By the brighter side ♪
♪ Of what we had because it's over ♪
♪ Well, there must be Something in the tide… ♪
And then it kind of went viral.
[crowd singing] ♪ There must be something in the water ♪
♪ Every day, it's getting colder ♪
♪ And if only I could hold you ♪
♪ You'd keep my… ♪
And you see the smile on his face when the crowd sang back.
[crowd singing along] ♪ There must be something in the water ♪
♪ 'Cause every day, it's getting colder… ♪
We knew that's what he was gonna do for the rest of his life.
♪ And if only I could hold you ♪
♪ You'd keep my head from going under ♪
So you must have heard it before.
Spotify picked it up and put it at number one on New Music Friday in America
and yeah, it just flew.
♪ Out of focus ♪
♪ Didn't take a second to notice… ♪
This is the Radio 1 playlist for next week.
That's my fucking name right there.
Paddy.
Fucking hell. [chuckles]
This is my bedroom. I just love the big city.
"Completely hypnotized."
"What a beautiful voice and what a handsome boy."
Fucking yes!
"Distinctive features." Maybe my eyes…
I got chubby fucking cheeks.
[DJ on radio] When people meet you,
are they more interested in your music or your Instagram?
[Lewis] People come up to me in the street like,
"I love your Instagram, man," and I'm like, "I'm a singer, too."
[DJ laughing]
I didn't really know what I was getting into
when I was posting those videos.
That's me having a poo.
So I went out last night, just having a dance and stuff.
People started getting their phones out.
Why are they all so interested in what we're doing?
And then I remembered it's 'cause I'm fucking famous.
["Land of 1000 Dances" playing]
♪ One, two, three… ♪
[Lewis] Let's go.
Whoo!
♪ Got to know how to pony… ♪
[indistinct chatter]
♪ Like Bony Maronie ♪
♪ Mash potato… ♪
[Lewis] The friends I hang out with now are friends that I had in school.
Michael is a gravedigger.
Conor is a roofer-turned-DJ,
and Niall is a student recruitment officer.
Dec Duff works with welding things, an engineer of some form.
I don't know what an engineer does, so… that's why I said welding.
Aiden Halliday plays piano for me and is a musical director.
Aidan Beattie plays bass in my band.
So, two of them are… hitched to my wagon.
[indistinct chatter]
[man] Can I see that watch?
[Lewis] If you talk about being grounded and stuff,
trying to keep your feet on the ground
when you don't know where the fucking ground is for a lot of the time.
[laughter]
But your relationship with your friends is the main thing.
Really good for making sure you're not a cunt.
I've definitely noticed you've realized you can pay someone for anything.
[all laughing]
-[Niall] That's not a bad thing. -[man] It's free drink.
[Conor] Aye, free drink. And skipping queues.
-That's what it is. -Great, no queuing. No queues.
What you really wanna ask was, Joe,
"Has Niall changed since I've become famous?"
And the answer is a big, fat fucking yes.
[song continues]
♪ You know I feel all right! ♪
♪ Ha, I feel pretty good, y'all ♪
♪ Uh, huh! ♪
♪ Na na-na-na-na Na-na-na-na na-na-na na-na-na… ♪
-Thanks, mate, cheers. -Thanks, mate.
Just get a bit pissed at dinner and go try to write a song,
-is that what we're doing? -Yeah.
-Is that lager?
[Tom] Sometimes cider.
"Finchy, lager…"
"Different drinks for different needs."
[Pete] Don't you need to like, nail it?
-Awesome. -Yeah.
[Lewis] I'm a professional, so I'll probably nail it the first time.
Whatever, mate.
-[Pete] Just do it line by line. -Come on then. Let's rock.
♪ I found… ♪
[all laughing]
[Lewis] You know what I mean? One, two, three!
♪ I found… ♪
It's so low, man.
-[Pete] Let's bloody rock. -A bit of rock and roll, that's my rule.
[line ringing]
[Lewis] Hello?
-[Ryan] How are you? -I'm good. How are you?
Pretty good. Um…
Thinking about timelines.
Like, realistically we want, you know,
a song out at the top of next year at some stage.
No, totally.
And then the actual writing, what are you thinking, time-wise?
-You know? -[sighs] Um, yeah, we need to do more…
Should we do the fucking mad blitz of cuts in London?
I mean, literally, whenever, like, whenever you want. Like…
[upbeat guitar music playing]
[Lewis] You see a man with my pizza?
-We did it. -[Zak] Come on, it's closing!
-[Lewis] Yes! -Yeah!
If you want pizza, all you have to do, and this is crucial,
is be famous.
Easy.
I feel like I'm on EastEnders.
Ah.
[vocalizing]
[groans]
[guitar music fades]
I feel it awkward that you can't feel it through your pain.
[yawns]
[Dan] What do you want to do today?
That's the million dollar question.
Million dollar, sad boy question.
You've got 120 sad songs to pick from.
-Yeah -121.
This is it.
♪ Do I cry every night? ♪
[continues singing indistinctly]
A bit too depressing to start the chorus with,
"Do I cry every night?"
-Are you fine? You sure? Yeah. -Did you listen to the first record?
I'm happy to be led by you.
[Nick] The beauty is, you were left alone on the first one.
[Lewis] Yeah. At times, it was a bit nerve-racking
because it was, like, I don't know how to make an album.
But it turns out if you just write songs you like and release it.
[crowd cheering]
♪ Hey, Lewis, what you gonna sing? ♪
♪ I don't know ♪
[crowd cheering]
[sighs] I'm feeling a bit dizzy.
[Dan] Sorry you're feeling rough, mate.
[somber music playing]
[Lewis] I'm not confident in my abilities as a songwriter.
And I think it's got worse, the more successful I've got. [chuckles]
"Someone You Loved" was really fucking big.
If you wanna talk about a turning point, that's it.
Things just blew up.
♪ Now, the day bleeds ♪
♪ Into nightfall ♪
♪ And you're not here ♪
♪ To get me through it all ♪
♪ I let my guard down ♪
♪ And then you pulled the rug ♪
♪ I was getting kinda used to being Someone you loved ♪
[DJ 1] Six weeks at the top.
[DJ 2] It's been streamed over one billion times.
-Smash hit single, "Someone You Loved." -"Someone You Loved."
-Lewis… -My friend, Lewis Capaldi.
♪ Now, the day bleeds ♪
♪ Into nightfall ♪
[all] America's sweetheart!
♪ To get me through it all ♪
♪ I let my guard down ♪
♪ And then you pulled the rug… ♪
[Tom Jones] The award for the Song of the Year goes to…
Lewis Capaldi!
["Someone You Loved" playing]
♪ Into nightfall ♪
♪ And you're not here ♪
♪ To get me through it all ♪
♪ I let my guard down ♪
♪ And then you pulled the rug ♪
♪ I was getting kinda used to being Someone you loved… ♪
[cheering and applause]
Uh… hello. [chuckles]
Hello. Eh…
My name is Lewis.
Eh… Thanks very… Thanks very much, uh, for this.
Eh, contrary to popular belief,
a lot of people think this song is about my ex-girlfriend,
who you can now see every night on Love Island, but… [chuckles]
[crowd cheering]
But it's actually about my grandmother
who has sadly, sadly, sadly passed away a few years ago.
Eh, and I hope to God that ITV don't contact her
to be on a reality dating TV show.
-Um… -[crowd laughing]
But, yeah, no, thank you so much,
this has been the best, the best year of my life. Eh…
Thanks to everyone like you, to the label.
Thanks to my mum and dad for, I don't know, making love, uh,
and, um, and yeah, thanks to my grandmother for,
uh, dying? Sorry.
I'll see you later. Bye-bye. Thanks so much. Thanks.
[cheering fades]
[dog barking distantly]
[Lewis] Um…
Big celebrity bash tonight at the BRIT Awards.
It's going to be electric.
So obviously, I felt like I had to push the boat out…
and buy a new pair of Vans.
Won some awards at the last one… which was nice.
I performed at the last one.
And this time, I'm just…
there, quite literally.
Which is quite sad.
I wonder what Elton John's going to sing today.
He sent me quite a lovely email. Have I told you about this email?
I was having beers with Ed Sheeran.
And I was telling him about my impostor syndrome situation.
Elton sent me an email saying, "Dear Lewis,
I was talking to Ed yesterday and we talked about you."
"He said you were feeling like an impostor."
"Bollocks!" That's in full capital letters.
"You are totally your own man."
"Your album is still riding high all over the world."
"And it's your first album!" That's also in capital letters.
"You write beautiful songs that resonate with millions."
"You are great live, a wonderful singer."
"You are also very funny and original. I mean this sincerely."
"Stop it now, please, or I will come up to Suffolk
and bring out the latent homo in you."
"Buckets of love, Elton."
No, I mean, it's nice to hear this stuff,
but I obviously still feel a bit like an impostor.
I don't think it's ever gonna go away,
the whole thing of "Why am I? I shouldn't be here."
I'll go here today and be like, "What the fuck am I doing here?"
For sure.
[solemn music playing]
Impostor syndrome, I think you can have that at any level.
That bleeds into every single decision you make and everything you do.
It's always just seemed alien,
people that turn up and see me live and see me playing.
I love the fact that people do give a fuck and listen to my music.
I just don't get it, I don't get why people would turn up and see it,
but I'm eternally grateful and I fucking…
I can't thank people enough, but I just don't…
I… I love you, but I will never understand you.
[chuckling] That's what I'm trying to say to you all at home. Um…
Yeah, I just don't get it.
Yeah, I just don't. I don't know.
-[keyboard playing] -[metronome ticking]
♪ I waste almost half of my time ♪
♪ Feeling like I'm falling Even further behind ♪
[humming]
♪ I know I'm so good at seeming ♪
♪ Seeming ♪
[Nick] What? Like you're doing better than you actually are or something?
♪ If I didn't always have a good time ♪
♪ Always falling Always falling behind ♪
♪ I know I'm so good at seeming ♪
♪ Like everything and nothing is right ♪
[singing indistinctly]
[Nick] I'm just an actor. I'm just an actor, I'm just a…
That's cool.
♪ I'm a pretender… ♪
-"I'm a pretender." -That's cool. Yeah. I like that.
I'm hiding the real me, so that you see, like, a stronger side.
-You're painting a picture of who I am. -[Nick] Yeah.
♪ I'm the pretender, what can I tell ya? ♪
♪ Designed to deceive ♪
♪ Just tell me who you want me to be ♪
[Nick] That's cool, "Designed to deceive."
-Yeah. -[Nick] That's a Capaldi lyric.
-Come on. That's gotta be. -[laughter]
♪ I feel like everything I do is a lie ♪
♪ And all the words Just further pull the wool over eyes ♪
♪ I know I'm no good at being ♪
♪ Who I am away from the light ♪
♪ I'm the pretender, what can I tell ya? ♪
♪ Designed to deceive ♪
♪ So tell me who you want me to be ♪
[music playing on laptop]
[Lewis] Cunts at my school, like, quite small-towny.
I know loads of folk who are married, who were in my year at school,
and who have kids from my old school.
[Edd] I always remember 25 was the age I put on, like,
"I'll have things. I'll have my career set."
-"I'll know what I'm doing at 25." -I've never thought about that.
[Edd] You hoped you figured out what you wanted by then.
And it's not as simple as that.
-You still don't have it figured out. -Goalpost's always changing.
You don't ever enjoy something 'cause you're like, "Fuck, the next thing…"
[Phil] It is that thing where you're always looking forward
and never looking at what you've actually done.
[Lewis over speakers] ♪ I spent almost all of my time ♪
♪ Feeling like I'm falling Even further behind ♪
♪ And I know I'm so good at seeming ♪
♪ Like I'm not on the edge of a knife ♪
♪ I feel like everything I do is a lie ♪
♪ And all the words Just further pull the wool over eyes ♪
♪ I know I'm no good at being ♪
♪ Who I am away from the light ♪
♪ I'm the pretender, what can I tell ya? ♪
♪ And I'm an impostor My head is a mender ♪
♪ I'm the pretender, what can I tell ya? ♪
♪ Designed to deceive ♪
♪ So tell me who you want me to be ♪
It's shite. [chuckles]
-Yeah. -Well, that's it. Is that it?
[Lewis] There's another one, but it's shite.
I wouldn't say it's one of your better ones.
No.
I feel as if the stuff that you've written before,
the writing was better than that.
Obviously, in my professional opinion.
[Carol laughs]
-I like the one that-- -[Lewis] By the way--
You've opened a can of worms here.
[Carol] Saying you won't really… I really…
They've never… They weren't musical ever in their lives.
[Mark] What's that one?
-[Carol] I'm not saying I'm musical. -No, but--
-[Mark] You seem annoyed. -No. I'm not annoyed at all.
[Mark] You used to ask me your opinion.
-And I would give you it. -But… No.
You don't have to be musical to know if you like a song.
[Lewis] I'm not saying you do. You're getting too defensive.
What I'm saying is, it's funny now, when I first started playing them songs,
"That's good. That's bad."
And now it's, "And the lyrics here, I would maybe change those lyrics."
What do I know? What the fuck do I know?
[Lewis] That's a good point.
[Carol] But is the music the real Lewis, though?
-[Lewis] Good question, Mummy. -No?
-[Lewis] Guess you'll never know. -[chuckles]
[mellow music playing]
[line ringing]
[Lewis] Hi! Hello!
[Flossie] Lewis, what's going on with writing, then?
-Who you been working with? -[Lewis] Eh…
I'm starting to get to that time where we have to start mixing it up
and being in with more people.
[Ryan] Yeah, I think, yeah, it's been slow.
-We're not gonna lie. It's been slow. -We'll see how we get on.
Listen, if it's shite, it's shite, it's you guys' job to make it successful.
[laughter]
[man] Have you had a word on live?
Any gigs and that, when are you gonna do them?
[Ryan] Everyone's, you know, pretty pessimistic.
[Lewis] You're writing and it feels aimless,
"What the fuck am I actually, like, writing for
if we don't know if we're going to play fucking gigs?"
It just feels like right now,
but the thing is, hopefully, it all starts to open back up.
-[Flossie] Much love. -[Lewis] See you soon!
Bye.
I think they thought they would hear some music.
Fucking hell.
[Lewis grunting]
Oh, come on now.
These are making me want to go find a trampoline somewhere…
and suplex my friends.
Mmm. The good old days.
[hesitates] Right, I keep my johnnies.
Keep them right by my WWE wrestling trading cards.
[solemn music playing]
My parents are moving, so I'm moving all my shit out of the house.
They've lived here for 15 years, so it's pretty heavy.
Fuck.
I don't live here anymore, so who cares?
Me and my pals used to come in here and get pissed all the time.
And there wasn't any plaques or anything on the wall
when I was coming in and I was trying to write songs and stuff, and, um…
Yeah, it's weird to, then, over the years,
actually have it fill up with plaques.
"Someone You Loved," actually, I started writing…
here.
I wrote it here.
So… so, yeah. Big, eh… Big room.
I still think about it sometimes
when I think of being back at school and being like,
"Oh, I didn't know that this was going to be
this sort of path your life's gonna go down,
is this fucking mad…"
"Mad thing."
This is the first one I got.
My manager gave me. My first EPs.
I'm pretty sure this is the equivalent of 1.5 million units sold
and I'm sure he made that up completely.
[solemn music playing]
This feeling of getting older, like I'm an adult.
This is fucking shit.
And to not have your childhood home where you grew up, it's a bit…
That's also a weird thing.
[indistinct voices echoing]
I don't know why, but when I think of that,
I feel really odd.
I get a knot in my stomach.
[laughter]
Not being here anymore,
feels like kind of one of the last… things
about my life beforehand that's not there.
Feels like a safety net kind of thing.
And us this not being here anymore, that feels a bit strange.
It's very definite.
[exhales sharply] This house is, like… someone else's house now.
Cool.
All done.
Okay, someone else will come pick these up and get rid of this, obviously.
I'll pay the man for that.
Cool.
[mellow music playing]
"My God. He's so normal. Puts on his…"
"Look at him, hanging up his own washing."
I don't know what they sniff for smells.
[sniffing]
You got a really tight shot.
I think they're clean.
I've been away doing this other thing
and from a personal standpoint, I'm probably in the exact same position
as I was in three years ago,
because I haven't matured at all in the last three years.
Put these here.
I'm moving in with my pal, Niall.
I've never lived with someone else before.
Half the BRIT just fell off.
[Lewis] And the rest of my pals, are happily shacked up with their lovers.
And I am not, so,
I needed someone who could, eh, just pacify me for a bit.
Home is something that's becoming increasingly harder to, like,
stay connected to.
[Ryan] Did you look through this list of songs you've written?
[Lewis] No.
[Ryan] This is literally 54 songs you've written.
-[Lewis] I feel like I've written more. -[Ryan] This is, like, full songs.
[Lewis over speakers] ♪ Can't even begin to explain ♪
♪ This all-too-well familiar pain ♪
♪ It comes and it goes ♪
♪ But it gets in my bones all the same ♪
-[song stops] -[Ryan] So what do we think?
Is it a hit single as it is, do we think?
[chuckles] What a fucking question, Ryan.
[Ryan] But those are the questions. That's what we've got to fucking answer.
It doesn't feel as, like, widely appealing as "Someone You Loved."
[Ryan] Yeah. Do you want to listen to "How This Ends"?
[Lewis] Let's do it.
["How This Ends" playing]
[Aiden] Yeah, I like this.
[Ryan] The refrain is going to be incredible.
[Lewis] I don't hear it as a single.
-The song is amazing. -[Ryan] It is really good.
-And it's really emotional. -[Ryan] It is.
-It'll make people cry. -[Ryan] Yeah.
Which is the aim of the game.
-[Ryan] Of course. -[Lewis] What else is there?
[Ryan] Listen to "Haven't You Ever Been In Love Before?"
[Lewis] Let's do it.
[Lewis over speakers] ♪ And she said this ♪
♪ "Haven't you ever Been in love before?" ♪
So what we thinking then, on that?
♪ "Haven't you ever Been in love before?" ♪
It's maybe… It's quite like,
♪ I was getting kinda used to being Someone you loved ♪
[Ryan] And fucking what?
That's what I was saying. Just making sure. That's a good thing?
-[Ryan] That's a good thing. -Cool.
Not to be condescending to people, people love stuff that sounds the same.
What's your thought, Aiden?
Folk want something a bit exciting coming back.
[Ryan] Do they?
Do they just want the fucking same, but better, or the same?
The thing is, if the song's fucking great. Does it matter?
[Ryan] Maybe it doesn't.
Which is… Which is why we're…
-Fuckers. It's a real pain. -It is.
-Fucking pain in the arse. -I've put all my eggs in one basket.
I know you have as well, but if I fuck it up--
Well, you say that as if it's not my name on it.
[Aiden] You're talking about that basket.
[Ryan] This is definitely an all-in-one-basket situation,
so that's what makes it even more like, if I fuck it up…
Obviously, still do good live business and stuff.
He's saying that, "I put all my eggs in one basket,"
-as if I'm not here. -[laughter]
And I'm not the person called Lewis Capaldi, whose name's on everything.
Do we have a big single?
I don't know. I don't know.
Are these as good as "Someone You Loved" and "Before You Go"?
Any point releasing a single not as good as "Someone You Loved"?
Then you could just never release a song ever again.
Of course there's pressure.
There's pressure on you to manage it correctly.
[Ryan] Yeah. Which I'm terrified of.
Okay, well, you worry about that and I'll worry about writing.
[Ryan] Let's do it.
-Lovely. -[Ryan] Safe, bro.
Smashing, I'll just go knock out a "Someone You Loved" for you now.
[mellow music playing]
-Hello. -[man] Did you just get here?
Turn out the dogs in the garden.
Sat in separate rooms, is it?
Young love's dream.
Shows you how much my parents love each other.
-[indistinct chatter] -[Mark] Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Two different living rooms.
So they don't have to spend time with each other.
[Mark] I'm not allowed in her room.
[Lewis] Hello.
-[Carol] Hello. -He's quick, isn't he?
[indistinct automated voice on mobile]
[Mark] You're twitching again.
I am. I twitch every day, every single day of my life.
[Mark] I thought you were going to do something about it.
-What would-- -[Mark] Chiropractor.
-Chiropractor doesn't help it. -[Mark] So what helps?
-Fuck all. -[Mark] So you gotta keep that twitch?
See if you google "anxious twitches."
You will find shoulder shrugging as the top one.
-[Mark] How do you get rid of it? -Don't know.
I can't tell you.
I get it when I'm in traffic, it flares up.
[Mark] Do you get it when you're in training?
Yep.
-[Mark] You get it in training. -When I get proper exhausted
and in a big thingy, it gets really bad.
-So maybe stop training? -[Carol] No.
Because that's… That triggers it, so I should stop.
-You're not supposed to mention it. -How?
Why am I not supposed to mention it?
[Lewis] Because you draw attention to it.
So you just kid on it's not there?
And you don't deal with it?
-Yes? -[Lewis] I deal with it.
-How are you dealing with it? -It comes and goes.
It's part of life, brother.
Get used to it.
Uh… [chuckles]
[pensive music playing]
[Carol] Stop. You make it worse when you mention it.
We know he does it, so you just ignore it.
I don't know I can ignore it.
Why? So that you can draw attention and make it worse?
It's going to get worse.
Because it's getting closer and closer
to this having to be finished.
I don't know.
[Mark] I think there's more pressure on him than we thought it was.
[Carol] He's going to be worried
that it's not going to be as good as people are expecting.
And then he's let everybody down, I suppose.
But you can only do what you can do.
I know you think he's quite laid-back.
[Lewis] Hmm?
We think you're quite laid-back on most things,
-but clearly not. -[Lewis] What?
-You come across as… -[Mark] The album coming.
…somebody that's quite laid-back.
I suppose you could always say, "He had a good run."
[Lewis] I could say that, for sure.
Well…
[pensive music playing]
[Lewis] That'll do.
I've ordered new shoes, which should come today, I think.
I am going to Los Angeles, the City of Angels,
to do a big chunk of writing.
Um… Which is exciting.
Ideally, I would like to come back with, like,
an album's worth of really good songs.
Writing with all these amazing people
that we didn't write with, the first album,
because we weren't as successful.
It's nervy as well because I've been a bit twitchy
and a bit panicky at points, so that's a bit of a…
It's definitely something that's crossed my mind that I'll be over there alone.
Oh, God.
That's done.
Ooh!
It's packed.
[imitates airplane flying] And then like a plane going…
And then we're in LA.
That'll be the next bit.
[jet engines roaring]
["Hey World" playing]
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
♪ Let me see y'all, come on ♪
♪ I wanna see y'all standin' right now ♪
♪ 'Cause we can do it ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, come on, hey ♪
♪ Hey, world Tell me how you been? ♪
♪ Yesterday we straight killed Number one in the building ♪
♪ Let's wake up today… ♪
[Lewis] This is a good buzz.
Anticipation fills the air.
♪ Yesterday we straight killed Number one in the building ♪
♪ Let's wake up today And show 'em what we do ♪
♪ Good Lord woke up feeling blessed ♪
♪ Felt all the stress lift off my chest… ♪
[Lewis] LA.
This is it.
This is living.
♪ Like, praise be Let me get a hallelujah ♪
♪ But still being bad Like good girl, give it to me ♪
♪ Oh, yes, I'm dressed to impress Walking through the aisles… ♪
[music fades]
[Lewis] These are my yogas. My yoga notes.
"Down Dog. Warrior One."
"Triangle, twisted triangle. Side angle."
"Improves digestion, metabolism, circulation and sex drive."
Gonna be an absolute fuck machine by the time this is done.
[Amy] Have you guys worked yet?
-Dan and I did a song on my first-ever EP. -Oh!
When I heard "Bruises" I remember being like,
"I need to work with this person."
"I don't know who this is, but this song is crazy."
-[Amy] So good. -Yeah.
[Amy] Do you have a bunch of shows lined up?
So we've got, um, festivals, tours booked fucking all over, we'll see how we get on.
I do love it, but it's, like… I think it's quite daunting now,
the thought of it, do you know what I mean?
[Dan] Because of COVID, or just because…
This is the longest I've ever been in my life without playing a live show.
[Amy] You'll feel like that until your first one, you're on stage,
and you're like, "I'm so fucking happy."
Fingers crossed, but yeah. It'll be good.
I'm chuffed, but it's like,
I can't think past the album just now,
-you know what I mean? -[Amy] I get that.
[Lewis singing indistinctly]
-[Amy] I like that. -[Lewis] Yeah.
Uh…
'Cause the end one isn't going to be…
You can go rogue on the end one.
[Dan] Yeah, but I like it because…
♪ Give me good news down in the… ♪
-Yeah. -[Amy] Yeah.
I don't know if good… Does "Good News" feel strong enough of a--
[Amy] I can't tell.
[Lewis] I wouldn't really put it where we're putting it.
-You wouldn't put it there? -[Lewis] I'd put it right at the end.
[Lewis scatting]
And it would be like that would be the thing at the end,
but you'd have to… And the lyric would be…
I'm also not tied to that concept.
I'm trying to figure out what the emotional angle
to "Good News" would be.
-Yeah, totally. -[clears throat]
'Cause that's what's so strong about your songs,
is they're always like, they're just fucking emotional.
Like, how to make that term feel like that.
Yeah.
-[strumming guitar] -[Amy vocalizing softly]
[Lewis] Again, I'm not tied to that as well.
The way I write songs is I sit at a piano for four hours and I hate myself.
It feels like this is fucking hard and I'm shit at writing songs.
My twitch that I have gets worse when I sit down to play piano.
Physically painful.
And I get really short of breath and it's like…
My back fucking kills me when I go to do it.
Which is quite… frightful.
I'm just trying to work out… what I'm going to do.
[solemn music playing]
[Jen] Everyone at Spotify calls you Lulu now.
-Sorry 'cause I started that. -[Lewis] Well.
[Jen] They sent… like, you got a billions plaque for "Before You Go."
-That got sent to you? -Yeah.
[Jen] And so Spotify emails me and they're like,
"We got Lulu's billionaire's plaque."
They should've put that on the name.
I forward to Ryan and go, "I'm sorry,
I have the entire team calling him Lulu, and I'm okay with it."
Can we hear anything?
-[Lewis] I can't play it now. -[Jamie] It's still a work in progress.
-And he's right to-- -Hey!
[laughter]
-I mean, it's undeniable. -Yeah. Thank you.
Can we, like, try to work out like… how to come back?
-You don't wanna just put a song out. -[Jen] It's gotta be a moment.
[Sam] What've you been up to, outside of writing before you got here?
Nothing.
[Arjun] Does it feel good to get off the island or no?
-Eh… It's definitely weird. -[Arjun] Yeah?
It feels pure, like, not real.
I've got a twitch now. Never had a twitch before.
-I do this. -[Jen] You've always done that.
-[Sam] I feel like-- -Thanks, guys. Um…
-It's worse now. -[Sam] Part of the personality.
Need to go sort that out.
[Jen] Do you think it's because of pent-up energy?
No, I think it's anxiety, but I don't know where it's coming from.
Once I sort this out, I'll be good to go, but it's like…
-[Sam] You see a therapist at all? -No.
[Sam] I've been going for a year. Changed my life.
I think it's worth finding someone now you can stick with through--
Totally. Sure.
[microphone feedback whining]
[clock ticking]
[tense music playing]
[man 1] Can I just be clear, are we actually firing the pyro?
-[man 2] Yes… -[man 1] Is that cue in ten?
-[man 3] Okay, firing. -[man 1] The cue numbers have gone.
It came on way too early.
We need to get the timing of that right.
Doesn't look that big, does it?
[indistinct chatter]
[crowd cheering and clapping]
[Lewis] Good gig last night.
I can't remember anything because I was so, uh, scared.
Um, but hopefully a good gig tonight.
Is this okay?
[all cheering]
Right.
[Carol] All the way through the whole arena tour, you could just see him.
Every time he played a gig, it was a struggle.
And then it came to a head at Wembley.
[crowd cheering]
["Fade" playing]
♪ It ain't no wonder why we lose control ♪
♪ When we're always a heart attack away… ♪
Fuck me.
Sorry, I'm just going to have to stop for two seconds. Is that okay? Sorry.
[crowd cheering]
My back is fucking killing me.
[ominous music playing]
[Mark] And he fucking… He stopped singing.
So I bolted, ran down the stairs.
And I'm fucking… The crowd's all quiet.
I'm shouting "Luigi! Come on! Keep going, keep going."
I'm breaking… I'm breaking my heart.
But you see him. And that's… That's fucking… It's bad.
[crowd cheering]
[Lewis] This twitch became out of control.
And it was awful. It was absolutely horrific.
I started to get in my head about, you know,
these pressures about things are being like,
"Fuck, there's like, skin in the game now."
Rather than just me singing my silly little songs.
Other people are depending on me.
[Carol] Is it worth it?
Making you feel like this?
This next year, if all goes well,
it's going to be even bigger, so it's even more pressure
and you think, "How is he going to…"
"How will he get through it?"
[outgoing phone call ringing]
[birds twittering]
[Lewis] Hello.
[Mark] What's happening?
-Fuck all. What's happening with you? -[Mark] Fuck all.
-Who else would you like to write with? -[Lewis] I took Thursday and Friday off.
I could go home now.
You could just come out and you're like,
"All right, I could do a month,
two months, three months, a year, whatever."
Already I'm like, "Fuck! I could go home."
I will speak to you tomorrow probably.
-[Carol] Okey dokey. -[Lewis] Love you. Bye.
I never thought about failing before,
it's something I've thought about the last couple of weeks.
A lot more. I don't know if that's maybe playing into
me not wanting to write songs.
My own confidence in my own abilities being lower now,
despite the fact that we've just done something quite incredible.
It still stems from that sort of…
"I won't be able to write any good stuff."
"Let's go to LA where all the best writers and producers are, and write with them."
"And maybe they will come up with some magic or whatever."
It just doesn't work like that.
Some days, I think, "This album's gonna, fucking be ready to go, gonna be class,"
and other days I'm like, "Fuck, this is…"
[sighs] "…a million miles off." So…
Yeah.
I'm not really sure.
Do I even know what I like?
Now.
I think we put so much focus on making this album a more cohesive…
altogether body of work,
that it would be nice if people listened to it in that way.
[sniffles]
[tense music playing]
[distorted laughter]
[indistinct voices speaking]
[Carol] Is the music the real Lewis?
[crowd cheering]
[Lewis singing indistinctly]
[Lewis] I feel like I'm in a race against the clock
to get my mental health in order.
[tense music intensifies and fades]
[solemn music playing]
[line ringing]
[Carol] If the phone rings at a certain time,
then I know what the issue is.
[Lewis] When I have a panic attack… it feels like I'm going insane.
Completely disconnected from reality.
I can't breathe. Like, I can't feel my breath going in.
It's fucking… it's wild.
I get dizzy, I feel something happening in my head
and I'm sweating.
My whole body starts to do what my shoulder does.
Like, pure convulsing.
[high-pitched ringing]
And the big thing for me with it is like that thing of,
"I'm always going to feel like this now. This is me. I'm like permode."
And, yeah, I'm just like, "Oh, fuck, I'm… This is it."
Either I feel like I'm going to be stuck like that forever or I'm going to die.
His heart's pounding really, really fast.
He sometimes feels as if his vision's going.
His pulse is racing.
Um…
He's just…
He feels like he's dying. He says, "I feel as if I'm dying."
It's not Lewis speaking.
Panicking to the extent he can't breathe correctly.
And she's calm, gets him breathing and talking through, kind of like,
for hours, up to seven hours.
Although that helps, uh,
it's not as good as having somebody physically there with you.
If something happens to you, there's nobody there to help.
It was such a big change to his life.
You just think you're going to be a bit overwhelmed at times with stuff,
so just try and relax.
You're absolutely fine.
But because he's such a hypochondriac, everything,
Lewis always thinks that there's this big catastrophe going on,
that he's maybe got a brain tumor or something.
He told me the whole way through primary school
that he had a brain tumor.
I've always been, I've always had hypochondria,
I've been obsessed with, like, "Fuck!"
Like if something's wrong with me, I'm like, "Fuck, I'm dying."
I went to a therapist, she was like,
"Do you not think that's maybe got something to do with the fact
that your grandmother and your aunt
both died when you were, like, three and four,
within a year of one another in a short space of time?"
"So you're surrounded by this."
You're immediately faced with this thing, "People die."
[woman laughing]
[man] What is it?
[indistinct chatter]
Well, Lewis, it's obvious you're gonna get a Game Boy.
[Mark] Pat was Carol's sister. [clears throat]
Eh…
She committed suicide. Uh…
[indistinct chatter]
I was there, I saw a lot of things and stuff.
We were outside the flat the night my dad went upstairs and found her.
You feel so guilty that you didn't manage to stop it.
But I think you could drive yourself absolutely insane with it,
you need to get to the point and think,
"Well… you can't stop somebody doing something."
Do you know what I mean? You can try and help.
Give them as much support as you can.
But unless they want to help themselves, there's not much you can do about it.
Because if you don't think, stop, get rid of…
I still feel guilty about it.
I still feel as if, um…
I need to stop. [crying]
[door opens]
[Carol sobbing]
[dog barking]
[Mark] What's happened?
[Carol crying]
[Carol] I was talking about Pat.
[crowd clamoring and screaming]
["Before You Go" playing]
[Lewis] ♪ I fell by the wayside ♪
[crowd singing along] ♪ Like everyone else ♪
♪ I hate you, I hate you, I hate you ♪
♪ But I was just kidding myself ♪
♪ Our every moment ♪
♪ I start to replace ♪
♪ 'Cause now that they're gone All I hear are the words ♪
♪ That I needed to say… ♪
[Lewis] "Before You Go" is a song about my aunt.
I'm coming at it from an observer's standpoint.
[continues singing]
But I've never, like, discussed what that must feel like for her,
hearing that tune.
[sniffling]
[sighs]
Sorry.
My sister had had problems for a long time, so…
♪ Was there something I could've said… ♪
I don't know.
It was a hard time, but the song just seems to kind of capture
the whole feeling, know what I mean?
It's like, uh, the questions that Carol definitely asks herself on a daily basis.
[Lewis] ♪ Was there something I could've said ♪
♪ To make it all stop hurting? ♪
♪ Kills me how your mind Can make you feel so worthless ♪
♪ So ♪
♪ Before you go ♪
[crowd cheering]
[Lewis] People make it to 40 and not have a fucking relative die.
So I think something that's like trickled into my subconscious
is that our time here is, like, finite.
That feeds into my anxieties about my own health and my own mortality.
♪ Before you go ♪
♪ Would we be better off by now ♪
♪ If I'd have let my walls come down? ♪
♪ Maybe, I guess we'll never know ♪
♪ You know, you know ♪
[crowd cheering]
[crowd] ♪ Before you go ♪
♪ Was there something I could've said ♪
♪ To make your heart beat better? ♪
♪ If only I'd have known You had a storm to weather ♪
[Lewis] ♪ So… ♪
[Carol] You think, "Where is all this coming from?"
All these deep, meaningful words that he manages to get into a song?
[Lewis continues singing]
[Mark] He sees humanity, that darkness,
and he understands it, and he can vocalize it.
♪ So… ♪
[crowd] ♪ Before you go ♪
I mean, I think everybody's complicated.
They've got things that they keep to themselves,
and that's just Lewis.
He's not just the comedian that we all think he is.
And that's where the conflict possibly is as well,
because the darkness comes over the happy chappy guy
and manifests itself in all the tics,
the anxiety and all the other things that he's kind of surrounded in.
Uh…
Yeah.
But definitely it makes me reflect a lot
on how I've got to go forward in kind of
dealing with my boy.
[Matt] Hello, everybody.
This is a singer-songwriter whose debut album
sold over ten million copies worldwide.
Someone who's sold over a million concert tickets
and gone from pubs to clubs to arenas
and enormous festival crowds in just a few years.
And he's done so while remaining resolutely himself.
So please welcome to the stage, Lewis Capaldi!
[cheering and applause]
[Matt] How are ya?
-[Lewis] I am fucking warm. -[chuckles]
Life all right?
[sighs] Well, living one day to the next before my eventual demise.
Do you know what I mean?
[Matt] The expectation is… is huge.
The success of the first one made me feel more insecure
and sort of self-conscious about my own abilities.
If I have a song that does well, you're like, "Yes!"
"Oh, let's get an album that does well." "Yeah. Okay, cool, next one."
"Let's have another single that does well."
"Fuck, okay, cool."
Then it's, "Let's do another album, hopefully that does well."
It's been a looming thing. This sort of pressure.
I think I've never been more insecure in my life than I am now.
You spend a lot of time thinking about that?
Oh, yeah, big time, I'm thinking about it now.
Ladies and gentlemen, thank you very much, give it up for Lewis Capaldi!
[Lewis] Nice one. Thank you.
[cheering]
-[Ryan] Are you all right? -[Lewis] I was so warm.
-[Ryan] Anxious as well. -[Lewis] I'm just--
You were great, but it's obviously very difficult.
I find it difficult to watch you.
[Lewis] Just one of those, one of these things.
-It's not. -[Lewis] It is.
-You can't just… -[Lewis] What can I do?
But you're in pain because of that.
[gentle music playing]
[Lewis] Oh, that's good.
[sighs]
Okay. Cool, let's do it.
[Joe] It's been a while. How you feeling?
Like we're saying you turn someone's world upside down,
you change your life, loads of cunts know who they are.
It's for singing songs.
For me, it seems like a completely normal reaction to this.
If you're put in this situation, you're going to have something like this,
especially if you're already quite an anxious person,
which I guess I was.
I didn't ever have the pressure that came to make me go,
like, full-blown, but we're there now.
So… I just need to deal with it.
[man] Lewis.
Oh, yes!
[Carol] What do you think, Lewis?
-[woman laughing] -[crowd cheering]
[Carol] When he was younger he used to blink all the time.
[woman laughing]
Thought it was 'cause he was in front of the TV too long,
staring at it.
He would occasionally make this wee noise. "Mm, mm-hmm."
But then it went away.
He did that when he was about five or six, then it all came back.
[Mark] The twitch. There's no control over it.
To watch, it's fucking horrible.
[Carol] He used to get these comments on everything as well.
"Oh, he's been taking Charlie or whatever it is. And drugs."
And that's when we had to make a stand, to say,
"We need to find what this is, what's happening here."
This twitch became out of control, I didn't know what it was at the time.
I've since learned that I have Tourette's.
Right, that makes complete sense now, when I look back.
I got told I had Tourette's a week ago.
Know how many people I've told I have Tourette's since?
It's outrageous. People think I'm bragging.
But it's just good to like, "I've got this thing by the way."
"This is what it makes me do."
Do you know what I mean? If I know I'm not… I know I'm not dying.
[Carol] They had given him a plan of how they could treat it.
So… it's a relief.
-[man] Come in. Come and take a seat. -[Lewis] Thanks very much.
[Lewis] Their thing to me was like,
"I think it's just if you can decrease your baseline anxiety
by as much as possible,
you'll see a marked improvement in any tics
or twitches or whatever."
[Magnus] All the way back. Toes in.
-Come up a little higher. -Jesus.
Jesus on the cross. [laughing]
You can see a difference from this muscle to the muscle on this side.
There's a treatment therapy that they can give for it.
Tilt your neck back.
There's a therapy where they try and change your tic.
-Two, one. Awesome. -Cool.
Take… take five breaths when you go in with maximum air.
[Lewis] I've got a therapist.
Just finding one is a fucking pain in the ring.
One gave me homework which I was like,
"You're adding more anxiety in my life."
I was doing the homework out in my car outside her house
just before I went in, I was like, "This is awful."
I'm on these fucking pills, Sertraline, they're not doing anything
except for I can't get a fucking hard-on to save my life.
Sorry.
And they gave me the shits for six weeks, so that was great.
[dog barking]
Right, come here.
[indistinct chatter]
[Lewis] I know what the steps are to get better.
The onus is on me to do it.
I can't expect anybody else to click their fingers, and it's done.
And I know that in myself, I can.
I can do it.
[mellow music playing]
-[man 1] It's nice stuff. -[man 2] Yeah, that's nice.
-Cheers, mate. Thank you. -Thanks.
-Fuck. -[chuckles]
[laughs] It's class.
[Ryan] We're hardcore Peloton addicts now.
You do, you just feel good afterwards, just fucking dripping with sweat,
I feel like I've just done something with my worthless day.
[Lewis] I started exercising really only properly last week.
I'd say I shifted like a stone initially and now I'm back up, like…
six pounds.
So about half a stone down. Whoo-hoo.
This lady's been cooking me food, which is nice,
but it's just, I wish there was more of it.
She keeps putting… I don't like cheese. She keeps putting cheese in it.
I mean, this actually looks pretty fucking gross.
We'll give it a go?
I mean, yesterday I had a McDonald's, so…
-We did, um-- -[Joe] But you worked out?
I did, I worked out twice yesterday.
Once in the morning, once at night.
So, I don't think that's… I don't think that's the point.
I think you don't do that,
then go, "I've exercised twice, I'll have a McDonald's."
But, um…
I was a bit hungover, so I had two McDonald's, so…
Okay. So I actually had two McDonald's yesterday.
It was class.
A welcome break.
There you have it.
Chicken masala with cashew nuts that I don't like
in under two minutes.
Started to see a therapist lady, she's been great.
So I speak to her once a week at the moment.
I'm doing stuff even when I feel good,
rather than just waiting until I feel like shit.
There are still days when it's a pain in the arse.
But for the most part, it's a much more manageable thing.
[mellow music playing]
Working on a song called "Forget Me," which I like a lot.
It seems everything has been a bit more
of a considered approach rather than just, um,
"We'll change stuff for the sake of changing it,"
and actually thinking about, um, the song
and what it may need.
Let's rock. [grunts]
-I wish I looked cooler doing that. -[woman laughing]
I look like a wee boy jumping down from a high chair.
Fuck.
-[Tom Barnes] Praise Lewis Capaldi. -[Lewis] This is…
-[mimics fanfare] -What's going on here?
All right, let's do some work.
I'll do the vocal on "Forget Me" now, I think.
[clicks tongue]
♪ Hello, hello, hello ♪
-[Barnes] You all right? -Let's just go for it.
♪ Days ache and nights are long ♪
♪ Two years and still, you're not gone ♪
♪ Guess I'm still holding on ♪
♪ Drag my name through the dirt ♪
♪ Somehow it doesn't hurt though ♪
♪ Guess you're still holding on ♪
"Forget Me" feels like a funny way to come back.
With like a song where the main lyric is,
"I'm not ready to find out you know how to forget me."
For someone who's been away for three years and the rest of it,
it does speak to my ego slightly.
♪ I'm not ready to let you forget me To let you forget me, to let you for… ♪
[vocalizing]
♪ I'm not ready to let you forget me To let you forget me, to let you for… ♪
♪ Oh-oh I'm not ready to let you forget me To let you forget me, to let you for… ♪
-[Ben] What the fuck! -[Barnes] He's done it.
[laughing]
This fucking sounds amazing.
-It does. -[Ben] That's really good.
-The vocal sounds fucking great. -I'm really chuffed about that.
[soft uplifting music playing]
[Lewis] Music is something I really care about.
One of the few things I care about enough to put that much pressure on myself.
If it's only you putting pressure on yourself,
it's only you who can, like… stop.
[Ben] What I wanna do is a tune
that's totally fucking different, like that,
that no one's going to think that's you.
I do think that's going to have that vibe of like,
"What, that's Lewis?" Which is pretty cool.
[Lewis] Totally.
I think that "Forget Me" will be the first single.
Having that done is just a big weight off my shoulders.
It's a buzz and a half, it's class.
[mellow piano music playing]
Me thinking someone else has the answers to my problems,
and I can't expect anybody else to do the album for me.
I need to take responsibility.
Yep. That works.
[captivating music playing]
Hello.
[singing indistinctly]
[strumming guitar]
[inaudible]
[Robbie] Hello?
Two bars good for you or do you want a bit more?
[Lewis] Wrong!
[indistinct chatter]
[laughter]
[scatting]
[singers vocalizing]
[Lewis] I feel like we're doing quite a lot of laundry-related filming in this.
[beeping]
Bingo!
[laughter]
Hello. How you doing?
I'm gonna come and sing with you.
[people cheering]
Been a tough day.
[strings tuning]
Hello, all. I'm Lewis.
Thanks very much for coming and doing this.
I'm proud of the album. I do fucking think it's great.
It alleviates a lot of the stress.
[all singing]
[Lewis] Thank you so much.
Honestly, it means the world, it sounds fucking incredible, so…
[Lewis singing]
[Ryan] I'm about to lock the US tour.
What we should do is make smart decisions
and not play too many shows.
Definitely not four shows in a row,
even with two in a row, you want two days off afterwards.
If we're gonna do this, we're doing all the things again
and we're doing it properly.
[Ryan] Work at the same pace now,
if you want to do two weeks on two weeks off.
That feels good.
[Lewis] Cheers, nice work. See ya later.
And you.
[Lewis over speakers] ♪ My heart can't fall apart anymore ♪
♪ If you knew would I Knew you'd be terrified ♪
♪ Haven't you ever been in love before? ♪
-That is fucking brilliant. -Yeah, that is good.
[Lewis] It's that…
♪ Haven't you ever been in love before? ♪
[man 1] That's the catchiest melody I've ever heard.
-It's a feel-good chorus. -Ever!
Even though it's a heartbreak, it's very "up."
[Ryan] It's gonna be a good album.
[Lewis] But I feel like… I do feel like we're in a good place.
The last two years have been a bit all over the shop.
The fact that the album reflects that in some ways could be a good thing.
I listen to the album and I'm like, "I really like this."
-[Greg] He's back. -[Lewis] I'm back.
[Greg] Lewis Capaldi is back.
But you're properly… This is it now?
-You're back? -I'm back.
But I just want to put into perspective what's about to happen.
You're back with new music. Your first album came out in May 2019.
-True. -That's a long time ago.
-It is a long time. -A lot has happened in the world.
There's been a pandemic, a war.
And still, "Lewis Capaldi has got a new single out,"
is the worst thing that could potentially be said to the British public.
But, um, it's good to be back.
This is highly anticipated.
It's… Your first album was the biggest selling album in the UK
in 2019 and 2020.
-I'm nervous. -Why?
Because…
You just said it was highly anticipated.
But there's a lot of love coming your way.
-Yeah. -Right, hit the space bar.
[clicks]
-Has that worked? -[laughter]
-[Lewis] Michael! Michael! -[man] Michael!
-[space bar clacks] -Launch.
[space bar clacks]
[laughter]
That is a bad omen. That is a bad omen.
Launch.
-[Lewis] Launch. -Hit it!
♪ Nights are long ♪
♪ Two years and still, you're not gone ♪
♪ Guess I'm still holding on ♪
♪ Drag my name through the dirt ♪
♪ Somehow it doesn't hurt though ♪
♪ Guess you're still holding on ♪
♪ You told your friends you want me dead ♪
♪ And said that I did everything wrong ♪
♪ And you're not wrong ♪
[Jonathan] He's one of the biggest selling artists
of the past few years, Lewis Capaldi.
-That's good. -[Lewis] I mean, not good.
-It's not good? -There's a war on, Jonathan.
[Jonathan] I know.
-[woman] Lewis Capaldi. -[Lewis] Yes.
It's the Capital Breakfast Show,
I'm Lewis, joined by Roman Kemp, Sonny Jay and Sian Welby.
How are we doing, guys? Good morning.
[woman] Good morning.
[Luke] This feels very Kurt Cobain. That '90s grunge.
[indistinct chatter]
[Naga] Would you like a room?
-Would I what? -Like a room?
I thought you said a rim.
I was like, "Jeez."
Uh, the time now…
[radio DJ] Looking forward to finding out who's number one,
rooting for Capaldi.
-[man] Yeah, we are, come on! -[all cheering]
[radio show theme plays]
[radio DJ] Which means we have a brand new number one on the official chart.
David Guetta featuring Bebe Rexha
up against Lewis Capaldi's brand new single "Forget Me."
Congratulations, Lewis, you are number one!
[all] Yeah!
[uplifting music playing]
-Lewis, straight in with "Forget Me." -[all cheering]
Congratulations, you are number one with "Forget Me."
[Lewis] Thank you, brother.
[people singing] ♪…nights are long Two years and still, you're not gone ♪
[Lewis] There we go. Cheers, all.
-Cheers! -Cheers!
♪ 'Cause I'm not ready ♪
♪ To find out you know how to forget me ♪
[Lewis] We're back. We're back.
[all cheering]
[Magnus] Some vitamins.
Vitamin D, two, 10,000 IUs.
Just here.
And B12.
-Yeah, baby, hit it. -[Lewis] Amazing.
And B12 helps transportation of oxygen.
Great.
-It's gonna pick you up a little. -Lovely.
[Lewis] Right now, I find it very hard to see a way back to playing on stage.
This thing I did every single day, I can't believe I ever did that.
Having this feeling… It feels like you're starting all over again.
[mellow music playing]
It's quite large.
I kind of wrestle with the magnitude of things.
It's now become this bigger thing
and it means stuff to other people.
[inaudible conversation]
[Ryan] There's a lot of pressure.
It's the third one you need to worry about.
-Fucking nervous. -If the second one's shite…
He's not selling another one.
[Lewis] Okay. Should I be changed?
-Do you want me to change? -[man] Yeah.
Oh, fuck.
[Niall] Oh, shit. Not another one.
-Hello. -Hello.
-How are you? -Are you okay?
I'm nervous.
You're not nervous.
-[Niall] It's a documentary about you? -Yeah.
-When the cameras-- -It's called This is Me.
[laughing] Is it? Yeah.
It's me riding around on scooters in The O2.
[laughing]
[Lewis] I've been singing the best I've ever sang, got so much more energy.
It's almost been like a big sigh of relief.
We're doing all the right things to get to a point where I can
handle it all.
-[captivating music playing] -[crowd cheering]
[inaudible]
[stage manager] Band to stage.
All right. Ready. Three, two, one.
Lovely.
[Carol] We're still seeing him as Lewis.
And then there's this other Lewis who stands up onstage
and sings to thousands of people.
[crowd cheering]
[Lewis singing]
[Carol] If he can go through all this,
even the things that he's struggling with
will make him stronger as well.
I'm extremely proud of him.
[Lewis singing indistinctly]
[Carol] Hopefully we'll be enough to keep him going until he finds
the one. [chuckles]
[Mark] Very proud. Very proud of him.
As far as I'm concerned,
his health is more important to me than anything else.
You kind of look out for him, even though he doesn't want it.
[Lewis singing indistinctly]
[Lewis] The only reason I started writing music was so I could play it live.
I'd really like it to become like a full-on career thing
that I can do till I'm, you know…
I mean, I won't live till, fucking, whatever age Mick Jagger is,
but I just want to do the people around me proud
and myself proud.
Going out on a stage in front of 50,000 people.
It just feels right.
-[Lewis singing indistinctly] -[crowd cheering]
[continues singing indistinctly]
["How I'm Feeling Now" playing]
♪ Will you forgive me if I'm coming off A little bit obtuse? ♪
♪ Well, it's been a minute now Since I have had to tell the truth ♪
♪ I know I can, I won't ♪
♪ Suppose I thought that by this moment I would have it figured out ♪
♪ But instead I tend to spend my days Consumed by seeds of doubt ♪
♪ I know I can, I won't ♪
♪ Oh, darling, it goes on And on, and on ♪
♪ Always, forever Till I'm barely holding on ♪
♪ End of my tether And I know it won't be long ♪
♪ It won't be long till it's gone ♪
♪ So here's to my beautiful life ♪
♪ That seems to leave me so unsatisfied ♪
♪ No sense of self, but self-obsessed ♪
♪ I'm always trapped inside My fucking head ♪
♪ On, and on, and on On, and on, and on ♪
♪ Said thought I'd be happier somehow ♪
♪ If you were wondering How I'm feeling now ♪
♪ I try to tell myself my best days Are the ones that lie ahead ♪
♪ But I'm always looking back on things I wish I'd never said ♪
♪ I know I can, I won't ♪
♪ Oh, darling, it goes on And on, and on ♪
♪ Always, forever Till I'm barely holding on ♪
♪ End of my tether And I know it won't be long ♪
♪ It won't be long till it's gone ♪
♪ So here's to my beautiful life ♪
♪ That seems to leave me so unsatisfied ♪
♪ No sense of self, but self-obsessed ♪
♪ I'm always trapped inside My fucking head ♪
♪ On, and on, and on On, and on, and on ♪
♪ Said thought I'd be happier somehow ♪
♪ If you were wondering How I'm feeling now ♪
♪ Oh, I won't lie ♪
♪ I'm a mess, yeah But I'll get there ♪
♪ No, I won't lie ♪
♪ I'm a mess, yeah But I'll get there ♪
♪ So here's to my beautiful life ♪