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Downloaded from
YTS.MX
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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX
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- Oh! Cripes.
4
00:01:10,404 --> 00:01:11,905
Sorry.
5
00:01:14,741 --> 00:01:16,785
We have to circle round.
6
00:01:16,910 --> 00:01:18,412
Approach the escalator
from the east.
7
00:01:18,537 --> 00:01:20,706
Remember what's at the top
of that escalator?
8
00:01:20,831 --> 00:01:24,251
Abercrombie.
Where they breed them.
9
00:01:24,376 --> 00:01:25,627
Okay...
10
00:01:27,588 --> 00:01:29,006
We're gonna run
to the brick wall,
11
00:01:29,131 --> 00:01:30,507
and then we're gonna
get on the escalator.
12
00:01:30,632 --> 00:01:31,800
That's risky.
We'll be trapped.
13
00:01:31,925 --> 00:01:33,802
Hey, dudes, dudes, um,
14
00:01:33,927 --> 00:01:36,096
what's our position on online
matchmakers instead of the apps?
15
00:01:36,221 --> 00:01:38,140
- Get over here.
- Bitch, please.
16
00:01:38,265 --> 00:01:40,559
My mother wants to sign me up.
She's desperate.
17
00:01:40,684 --> 00:01:42,227
Guys, can we please
talk about this
18
00:01:42,352 --> 00:01:44,021
when no one is trying
to kill us?
19
00:01:44,146 --> 00:01:46,023
Dating algorithms
are basically meaningless.
20
00:01:46,148 --> 00:01:47,441
There was a 2012 paper
21
00:01:47,566 --> 00:01:48,775
published by
Northwestern University
22
00:01:48,901 --> 00:01:50,319
that basically eviscerates
23
00:01:50,444 --> 00:01:52,946
- the very concept--
- Meta.
24
00:01:53,071 --> 00:01:55,782
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Are we ready?
25
00:01:55,908 --> 00:01:57,910
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Great. Let's go.
26
00:02:34,404 --> 00:02:36,156
- Abort. Abort.
- Oh, bad choice, bad choice.
27
00:02:36,281 --> 00:02:37,741
Abort. Abort.
28
00:02:44,665 --> 00:02:46,625
Take as many
as you can with you.
29
00:02:46,750 --> 00:02:48,794
- Gentlemen, it's been an honor.
30
00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:51,630
Say hello to my little friend.
31
00:02:51,755 --> 00:02:53,006
Oh, bugger.
32
00:02:55,092 --> 00:02:56,426
Ugh.
33
00:03:00,806 --> 00:03:04,393
Next time, we need more people.
34
00:03:04,518 --> 00:03:06,478
That all you got, Dumbledork?
35
00:03:06,603 --> 00:03:07,938
Come on.
36
00:03:08,063 --> 00:03:09,481
Where are your Hobbitses now,
Gandalf?
37
00:03:09,606 --> 00:03:11,233
Dan?
38
00:03:11,358 --> 00:03:12,985
Kip.
39
00:03:13,110 --> 00:03:14,403
- Hey.
- Hey.
40
00:03:14,528 --> 00:03:16,238
- How's it going?
- Oh, shit.
41
00:03:16,363 --> 00:03:18,740
Is that the same Dan
that ghosted you last week?
42
00:03:18,866 --> 00:03:20,242
It doesn't matter.
43
00:03:20,367 --> 00:03:21,994
Yes, it does. It's rude.
44
00:03:22,119 --> 00:03:23,871
Okay, okay, you're right.
I should have texted.
45
00:03:23,996 --> 00:03:27,457
But get this, our second date,
she asks,
46
00:03:27,583 --> 00:03:28,959
"Outside of the Marvel Universe,
47
00:03:29,084 --> 00:03:30,377
who could pick up
Thor's hammer?"
48
00:03:32,004 --> 00:03:33,463
I mean, come on.
49
00:03:33,589 --> 00:03:35,174
Next date you go on
with a guy,
50
00:03:35,299 --> 00:03:37,968
maybe keep that weirdness
tucked away a little bit better.
51
00:03:38,093 --> 00:03:40,262
- You know?
- Hey. You are dismissed.
52
00:03:42,806 --> 00:03:44,892
Fine. Whatever.
53
00:03:46,310 --> 00:03:48,187
- Come on, Zoe.
- Data.
54
00:03:50,022 --> 00:03:51,315
What?
55
00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:52,566
Data from The Next Generation.
56
00:03:52,691 --> 00:03:54,276
He could lift Thor's hammer.
57
00:03:54,401 --> 00:03:57,362
Yes! Also, Ted Lasso,
but he'd do it by accident.
58
00:03:57,487 --> 00:03:58,655
- Please.
59
00:03:58,780 --> 00:04:00,449
Two words: Superman.
60
00:04:00,574 --> 00:04:03,535
And Betty White.
61
00:04:04,620 --> 00:04:05,787
Neville Longbottom.
62
00:04:05,913 --> 00:04:07,164
Ah.
63
00:04:09,166 --> 00:04:11,001
Not worth it.
64
00:04:13,378 --> 00:04:15,839
I feel sort of bad
killing you now.
65
00:04:15,964 --> 00:04:17,799
Oh, no, that's okay.
66
00:04:17,925 --> 00:04:19,718
Death sounds pretty good
right now.
67
00:04:19,843 --> 00:04:21,220
All right then.
68
00:04:25,516 --> 00:04:27,601
♪ Turn it up, turn it up
Turn it up ♪
69
00:04:27,726 --> 00:04:30,270
♪ Turn it up
Turn it up, turn it up ♪
70
00:04:30,395 --> 00:04:32,022
♪ Drink it up, shake it up
To the sound ♪
71
00:04:32,147 --> 00:04:34,358
♪ Shake it on down
Break it on down ♪
72
00:04:34,483 --> 00:04:36,527
♪ Turn it up and down
If you want to ♪
73
00:04:36,652 --> 00:04:38,946
♪ Turn it inside out
If you need to ♪
74
00:04:39,071 --> 00:04:41,114
♪ Turn it up, turn it up
Turn it up ♪
75
00:04:41,240 --> 00:04:43,450
♪ Turn it up
Turn it up, turn it up ♪
76
00:04:52,459 --> 00:04:54,002
♪ Break it down
Listen to the bass, man ♪
77
00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:55,629
♪ He don't say much ♪
78
00:04:55,754 --> 00:04:56,964
♪ But when he does
Give a listen ♪
79
00:04:57,089 --> 00:04:58,841
♪ Boom, boom, boom, boom ♪
80
00:04:58,966 --> 00:05:01,260
♪ Change it up
So we don't get sued ♪
81
00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:08,517
Yeah, buddy!
82
00:05:08,642 --> 00:05:10,018
Thank you. Thank you.
83
00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:11,895
But the real thanks
goes to my family,
84
00:05:12,020 --> 00:05:13,772
who never, ever learned
how to knock.
85
00:05:13,897 --> 00:05:16,400
- Hey, hey, do "Wonderwall."
86
00:05:17,401 --> 00:05:18,735
Oh.
87
00:05:18,861 --> 00:05:20,153
Here.
88
00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:22,447
Thanks, Mom.
89
00:05:22,573 --> 00:05:24,741
- Sweetie.
- Okay, Mom...
90
00:05:24,867 --> 00:05:27,452
You cannot keep doing
these all-nighters.
91
00:05:27,578 --> 00:05:28,912
I know, I know.
92
00:05:29,037 --> 00:05:31,748
But you should
have seen the numbers.
93
00:05:31,874 --> 00:05:33,959
We doubled our users
in the last month.
94
00:05:34,084 --> 00:05:36,044
Well, then it's time
to hire someone.
95
00:05:36,170 --> 00:05:38,046
And it has to be from
outside the family this time,
96
00:05:38,172 --> 00:05:40,716
since Sarah's the only one
that doesn't work for you yet.
97
00:05:40,841 --> 00:05:42,634
Mom, I get it,
98
00:05:42,759 --> 00:05:44,511
and I will...
99
00:05:44,636 --> 00:05:46,221
I'll think about it.
100
00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:48,140
Okay, well, it's...
101
00:05:48,265 --> 00:05:51,310
It's not just you
I'm worried about.
102
00:05:51,435 --> 00:05:54,146
If you slip up,
103
00:05:54,271 --> 00:05:55,856
the entire company
is at risk.
104
00:05:55,981 --> 00:05:57,316
I get it.
105
00:05:57,441 --> 00:05:59,151
Okay. I'm going.
106
00:06:00,319 --> 00:06:01,612
Thank you for the coffee.
107
00:06:01,737 --> 00:06:02,905
Sure.
108
00:06:10,204 --> 00:06:13,874
I got so tired
of swiping left, left, left.
109
00:06:13,999 --> 00:06:16,335
Those other apps
are all based on looks.
110
00:06:16,460 --> 00:06:17,794
Jones.
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00:06:17,920 --> 00:06:20,255
I created for you a bride.
112
00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:22,716
And we shall give it life!
113
00:06:22,841 --> 00:06:25,636
- His sense of humor.
114
00:06:25,761 --> 00:06:27,513
Her plans and dreams.
115
00:06:27,638 --> 00:06:29,223
When you answer
the app questions,
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00:06:29,348 --> 00:06:32,142
you really think about
who you are.
117
00:06:32,267 --> 00:06:34,853
Your soulmate is out there.
118
00:06:36,605 --> 00:06:38,774
I promise.
119
00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:41,693
Hey, Jones.
120
00:06:41,818 --> 00:06:43,570
Your grape is out there.
121
00:06:48,492 --> 00:06:51,203
I promise.
122
00:06:53,956 --> 00:06:57,668
My soulmate, however,
apparently got lost.
123
00:06:57,793 --> 00:07:00,712
Although, if he really is
my soulmate,
124
00:07:00,838 --> 00:07:03,340
his watch would be synced
to the atomic clock.
125
00:07:05,342 --> 00:07:06,760
Bye, Jones.
126
00:07:24,069 --> 00:07:26,071
At least you didn't
have to deal with dating apps,
127
00:07:26,196 --> 00:07:28,115
where, I swear,
every third photo
128
00:07:28,240 --> 00:07:31,159
is some guy posing
with a fish he just caught.
129
00:07:31,285 --> 00:07:33,495
"I'd like to believe
there was someone special
130
00:07:33,620 --> 00:07:34,788
in your life once.
131
00:07:34,913 --> 00:07:36,915
And I'll find someone too.
132
00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:38,542
But maybe I'm just
old-fashioned
133
00:07:38,667 --> 00:07:40,544
and the world doesn't work
like that anymore."
134
00:07:42,671 --> 00:07:45,090
You're okay that I blog
about you sometimes?
135
00:07:45,215 --> 00:07:47,009
You'd tell me, right?
136
00:07:49,344 --> 00:07:51,138
Oh. Check this out.
137
00:07:52,306 --> 00:07:53,682
I made it for you.
138
00:08:00,731 --> 00:08:02,316
I got to get my bus.
139
00:08:02,441 --> 00:08:03,775
See you.
140
00:08:12,409 --> 00:08:14,161
All I'm saying is,
141
00:08:14,286 --> 00:08:16,371
guys figure there's something
wrong with the other person,
142
00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:19,208
While women assume there's
something wrong with us.
143
00:08:19,333 --> 00:08:22,002
No, I pretty much always assume
that I'm the problem.
144
00:08:22,127 --> 00:08:23,629
Yeah, well, in your case,
you'd be right.
145
00:08:23,754 --> 00:08:25,005
Hey, you know
what'd be awkward?
146
00:08:25,130 --> 00:08:26,507
If one of these guys
147
00:08:26,632 --> 00:08:27,841
reads about himself on
your blog.
148
00:08:27,966 --> 00:08:29,092
I have, like, three readers,
149
00:08:29,218 --> 00:08:30,427
and two of them are my mother.
150
00:08:30,552 --> 00:08:31,595
Dude, I read it.
151
00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:33,180
Don't read my blog, you creeper.
152
00:08:33,305 --> 00:08:36,016
Then don't put it
on the Internet.
153
00:08:38,185 --> 00:08:39,937
Ugh, Marco alert.
Banking in, port side.
154
00:08:40,062 --> 00:08:41,939
Marco's a douche.
155
00:08:42,064 --> 00:08:44,066
I can't believe they hired him
instead of promoting you.
156
00:08:44,191 --> 00:08:46,527
I can. They were never
gonna promote me.
157
00:08:46,652 --> 00:08:47,903
Why not?
158
00:08:48,028 --> 00:08:49,613
Uh, women's intuition.
159
00:08:49,738 --> 00:08:52,574
Years of watching men like Marco
take credit for my work.
160
00:08:52,699 --> 00:08:54,826
- There's a word for that.
- Patriarchy?
161
00:08:54,952 --> 00:08:57,454
I was thinking "dick,"
but sure.
162
00:09:00,123 --> 00:09:02,125
- Interrupting?
- No. What's up?
163
00:09:02,251 --> 00:09:03,961
I need your help
with the Gemco presentation.
164
00:09:04,086 --> 00:09:06,713
Oh, you want me to run through
the technical content?
165
00:09:06,839 --> 00:09:07,965
No.
166
00:09:08,090 --> 00:09:09,299
I've got all that covered.
167
00:09:09,424 --> 00:09:11,426
Presentation itself is superb.
168
00:09:11,552 --> 00:09:13,011
Are you sure?
169
00:09:13,136 --> 00:09:15,138
It's pretty advanced.
170
00:09:15,264 --> 00:09:16,723
I mean, the processing
requirements alone--
171
00:09:16,849 --> 00:09:18,141
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
172
00:09:18,267 --> 00:09:19,643
Are you womansplaining this
to me?
173
00:09:19,768 --> 00:09:21,728
- Uh...
- That's not very woke, Kip.
174
00:09:21,854 --> 00:09:22,980
Am I right, guys?
175
00:09:27,734 --> 00:09:29,111
Look, I just need you
176
00:09:29,236 --> 00:09:30,821
to fix a virus on my laptop.
177
00:09:30,946 --> 00:09:32,614
Must have been infected
by a competitor
178
00:09:32,739 --> 00:09:33,991
trying to sabotage us.
179
00:09:34,116 --> 00:09:35,617
But we can't fix it here,
180
00:09:35,742 --> 00:09:37,369
because I can't risk
contaminating the network.
181
00:09:37,494 --> 00:09:41,456
So I need you to fix it tonight
from home.
182
00:09:41,582 --> 00:09:45,043
I would do it myself,
but I've got a date.
183
00:09:45,169 --> 00:09:46,587
Ooh!
184
00:09:46,712 --> 00:09:47,838
Okay?
185
00:09:47,963 --> 00:09:49,256
Superb.
186
00:09:49,381 --> 00:09:52,551
Well, I might have plans
tonight too.
187
00:09:56,680 --> 00:09:58,765
God, you're hilarious.
188
00:09:58,891 --> 00:10:00,017
Boop!
189
00:10:00,142 --> 00:10:01,685
Yeah.
190
00:10:08,442 --> 00:10:09,818
Dickhead.
191
00:10:11,236 --> 00:10:12,696
Stain.
192
00:10:14,114 --> 00:10:16,033
Such a cretin.
193
00:10:20,162 --> 00:10:21,872
- Hey.
194
00:10:21,997 --> 00:10:24,666
Ready? Ready?
195
00:10:24,791 --> 00:10:27,044
You ready? You ready?
196
00:10:27,169 --> 00:10:28,879
But seriously,
how are you still coding
197
00:10:29,004 --> 00:10:30,964
all of I Promise by yourself?
198
00:10:31,089 --> 00:10:33,008
Well, it's easy, I just,
you know, survive on popcorn,
199
00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:34,343
I sleep at my desk,
200
00:10:34,468 --> 00:10:35,844
and my application
for the monastery
201
00:10:35,969 --> 00:10:37,679
just arrived in the mail,
so, hey!
202
00:10:39,056 --> 00:10:40,641
Honestly, volunteering here
203
00:10:40,766 --> 00:10:43,268
is the only time
I actually get outside.
204
00:10:43,393 --> 00:10:45,312
Well, when you're hiring,
you know how to find me.
205
00:10:45,437 --> 00:10:46,563
Thank you.
206
00:10:47,940 --> 00:10:49,358
Oh, I thanked you.
207
00:10:57,115 --> 00:11:01,036
I know a porn virus
when I see one, you sleaze.
208
00:11:04,414 --> 00:11:06,583
Uh... yup!
209
00:11:06,708 --> 00:11:08,418
Hmm. See?
210
00:11:08,544 --> 00:11:11,004
I am superb, Jones.
211
00:11:11,129 --> 00:11:12,798
And how about I put
a little picture
212
00:11:12,923 --> 00:11:14,341
of your gross search history
213
00:11:14,466 --> 00:11:15,843
in the middle
of your presentation, Marco?
214
00:11:15,968 --> 00:11:17,678
How superb would I be then?
215
00:11:25,269 --> 00:11:27,563
"I hope Mr. Lawn Chair Man
talks..."
216
00:11:27,688 --> 00:11:28,939
Oh, that's nice.
217
00:11:30,065 --> 00:11:31,441
"Come to church with us.
218
00:11:31,567 --> 00:11:32,776
There's so many nice men"?
219
00:11:32,901 --> 00:11:34,611
God, Mom.
220
00:11:34,736 --> 00:11:37,072
"Is your poppy floppy?"
221
00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:38,991
Gross.
222
00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:42,452
Hmm.
223
00:11:52,421 --> 00:11:54,882
Hmm. What do you think, Jones?
224
00:11:56,300 --> 00:11:57,509
Yeah.
225
00:11:57,634 --> 00:11:59,052
That's a really bad idea.
226
00:12:00,095 --> 00:12:01,680
No, no, no, no, no, no!
227
00:12:01,805 --> 00:12:03,056
Ugh.
228
00:12:05,684 --> 00:12:08,645
Huh. "Would you share your
toothbrush with your lover?"
229
00:12:08,770 --> 00:12:10,189
Uh...
230
00:12:10,314 --> 00:12:11,481
I know where his mouth has been.
231
00:12:11,607 --> 00:12:13,108
- No.
232
00:12:14,693 --> 00:12:16,987
"Are you a good dancer?"
Seriously?
233
00:12:17,112 --> 00:12:19,198
That's the second-most
important thing to catalog?
234
00:12:20,949 --> 00:12:22,910
"Have you ever had sex
in public..."
235
00:12:23,035 --> 00:12:24,453
Who are these people, Jones?
236
00:12:24,578 --> 00:12:26,371
It's disgusting.
237
00:12:26,496 --> 00:12:29,166
Hey, Jones, three no's.
It's like a drinking game.
238
00:12:29,291 --> 00:12:31,835
"Have you been to a bar
this week?" No.
239
00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:34,004
"Do you kill spiders
rather than carry them outside?"
240
00:12:34,129 --> 00:12:35,881
Never.
241
00:12:36,006 --> 00:12:39,009
Number 14. "Your romantic
partner is bitten by a zombie."
242
00:12:39,134 --> 00:12:41,428
Head shot immediately.
243
00:12:41,553 --> 00:12:43,555
"Would you rather
vomit on your hero
244
00:12:43,680 --> 00:12:46,600
or have your hero
vomit on you?"
245
00:12:46,725 --> 00:12:48,477
On me. On me.
246
00:12:48,602 --> 00:12:51,897
Nude beach.
247
00:12:52,022 --> 00:12:53,649
Sure.
248
00:12:53,774 --> 00:12:55,984
"Have you, uh...
249
00:12:56,109 --> 00:12:57,402
ever...
250
00:12:57,528 --> 00:13:00,239
Have you ever
been skinny...
251
00:13:00,364 --> 00:13:01,782
skinny dipping?"
252
00:13:08,038 --> 00:13:09,456
Question 500:
253
00:13:09,581 --> 00:13:11,875
Who ended your last
relationship?
254
00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:13,335
Don't lie to me.
255
00:13:13,460 --> 00:13:14,920
I hate you.
256
00:13:17,798 --> 00:13:19,049
Congratulations.
257
00:13:19,174 --> 00:13:20,300
Your matches will be sent
258
00:13:20,425 --> 00:13:22,094
within 24 hours.
259
00:13:37,651 --> 00:13:39,403
- What?
- Where the hell are you?
260
00:13:39,528 --> 00:13:40,946
Rideshare's on the way.
261
00:13:41,071 --> 00:13:43,657
- Mom?
- Yeah, it's your mom.
262
00:13:43,782 --> 00:13:46,368
Marco's Gemco presentation
starts in 20--
263
00:13:46,493 --> 00:13:50,581
Correction, 19 minutes,
and you have his laptop.
264
00:13:50,706 --> 00:13:52,499
You're not his favorite person
right now.
265
00:13:52,624 --> 00:13:55,210
He's sniffing around your desk
like a rabid skunk.
266
00:13:55,335 --> 00:13:57,462
A driver's gonna be there
in one minute.
267
00:13:57,588 --> 00:13:59,047
Get down there now.
268
00:14:01,592 --> 00:14:03,010
Where is she?
269
00:14:03,135 --> 00:14:04,678
Yeah, yeah.
She's always late on Tuesdays.
270
00:14:04,803 --> 00:14:06,388
It's her day to babysit
during morning Mass.
271
00:14:10,058 --> 00:14:12,686
Bring it right over. I'll stall.
272
00:14:12,811 --> 00:14:14,897
Yeah. No problem.
273
00:14:43,342 --> 00:14:45,260
Make a hole!
274
00:14:45,385 --> 00:14:46,970
Oh!
275
00:15:01,443 --> 00:15:03,862
You are in control. Right?
276
00:15:03,987 --> 00:15:06,073
You are a goddess.
277
00:15:06,198 --> 00:15:08,033
He is nothing.
278
00:15:08,158 --> 00:15:12,538
He's a pimple on the butt
of a big baboon. Nothing.
279
00:15:18,210 --> 00:15:19,711
Now I'm not just saying this
280
00:15:19,837 --> 00:15:22,548
to blow smoke up your behinds,
281
00:15:22,673 --> 00:15:24,842
but the new build truly is
one of a kind.
282
00:15:24,967 --> 00:15:27,386
So, once we incorporate
the new code,
283
00:15:27,511 --> 00:15:30,180
we will have the fastest product
on the market.
284
00:15:30,305 --> 00:15:31,807
And with that processing speed,
285
00:15:31,932 --> 00:15:34,893
your ROI will be superb.
286
00:15:36,270 --> 00:15:37,729
Get the lights.
287
00:15:45,404 --> 00:15:47,030
He is so gonna write me up.
288
00:15:47,155 --> 00:15:49,157
No. You were terrific in there.
289
00:15:50,951 --> 00:15:53,203
Seriously, guys,
I don't know how to thank you.
290
00:15:53,328 --> 00:15:54,872
You can start
by brushing your teeth.
291
00:15:54,997 --> 00:15:57,332
- Damn, girl.
- And you have keyboard scars.
292
00:15:57,457 --> 00:16:00,294
Guys, really?
293
00:16:00,419 --> 00:16:01,962
She's also got her T-shirt on
back to front,
294
00:16:02,087 --> 00:16:03,755
but she's still the best.
295
00:16:11,430 --> 00:16:12,890
Good night, Kip.
296
00:16:13,015 --> 00:16:14,474
Jeopardy!
Tournament of Champions?
297
00:16:14,600 --> 00:16:16,602
Yup. And Shirley's making tacos.
298
00:16:16,727 --> 00:16:18,478
Ugh, you're living the dream, Meta.
299
00:16:18,604 --> 00:16:20,355
I am. I am.
300
00:16:25,736 --> 00:16:26,862
Oh, hey, Marco.
301
00:16:26,987 --> 00:16:28,113
How'd the presentation go?
302
00:16:28,238 --> 00:16:29,531
Superb!
303
00:16:29,656 --> 00:16:30,782
No thanks to you.
304
00:16:30,908 --> 00:16:32,367
Inside voice, Marco.
305
00:16:32,492 --> 00:16:34,453
Inside voice.
306
00:16:35,495 --> 00:16:36,747
Right.
307
00:16:38,832 --> 00:16:40,334
No thanks to you.
308
00:16:40,459 --> 00:16:42,252
Hey, hey, hey, hey,
I'm superb.
309
00:16:42,377 --> 00:16:43,879
Oh, really?
310
00:16:44,004 --> 00:16:46,048
So your smut virus
just healed itself, did it?
311
00:16:46,173 --> 00:16:47,799
Great.
312
00:16:49,301 --> 00:16:50,969
Oh.
313
00:16:53,847 --> 00:16:55,098
Hmm.
314
00:16:56,350 --> 00:16:57,601
No.
315
00:17:01,647 --> 00:17:02,898
Okay.
316
00:17:19,289 --> 00:17:20,707
A dog?
317
00:17:27,548 --> 00:17:29,508
That's it right there.
318
00:17:29,633 --> 00:17:31,635
That's the moment
I had my epiphany.
319
00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:33,762
Every time I get ghosted,
320
00:17:33,887 --> 00:17:35,681
Meta says there's nothing
wrong with me.
321
00:17:35,806 --> 00:17:37,599
But it's pretty hard
to maintain that position
322
00:17:37,724 --> 00:17:39,476
when a whole-ass
matchmaking site
323
00:17:39,601 --> 00:17:41,854
rejects you as unmatchable.
324
00:17:41,979 --> 00:17:44,064
There were always signs.
325
00:17:44,189 --> 00:17:46,066
I mean, I played with Barbies.
326
00:17:46,191 --> 00:17:48,110
I just accessorized differently.
327
00:17:49,945 --> 00:17:51,738
Oh, my God.
328
00:17:51,864 --> 00:17:54,575
You're so weird.
329
00:17:54,700 --> 00:17:56,660
I had a sweet 16,
like everyone else.
330
00:17:56,785 --> 00:17:57,911
Mostly.
331
00:17:58,036 --> 00:17:59,454
Thank you!
332
00:17:59,580 --> 00:18:01,540
Who wants to play D?
333
00:18:01,665 --> 00:18:03,584
I know I'm not a real woman.
334
00:18:03,709 --> 00:18:05,460
My shoes don't hurt.
335
00:18:05,586 --> 00:18:06,753
I like math.
336
00:18:06,879 --> 00:18:08,630
I couldn't flirt if I tried.
337
00:18:08,755 --> 00:18:10,799
And for me, dressing up means
putting on mascara.
338
00:18:10,924 --> 00:18:14,636
Everything in my life
has told me that's not enough.
339
00:18:14,761 --> 00:18:16,471
That I'm not enough.
340
00:18:16,597 --> 00:18:19,099
But I guess I never really
believed it before.
341
00:18:19,224 --> 00:18:21,059
In their huge database,
342
00:18:21,185 --> 00:18:23,353
there wasn't one guy
who might like me?
343
00:18:23,478 --> 00:18:25,230
Really? Not one?
344
00:18:25,355 --> 00:18:27,691
Statistically,
is that even possible?
345
00:18:27,816 --> 00:18:29,610
"Read this blog."
346
00:18:29,735 --> 00:18:31,904
I don't know how to fix this
347
00:18:32,029 --> 00:18:34,031
without pretending
to be someone I'm not.
348
00:18:34,156 --> 00:18:36,491
Hmm. It's nice.
349
00:18:36,617 --> 00:18:39,369
I feel seen.
350
00:18:39,494 --> 00:18:40,996
And look, I have a good job.
351
00:18:41,121 --> 00:18:43,123
A nice apartment.
I take my own trash out.
352
00:18:43,248 --> 00:18:44,791
I know how to use a plunger
353
00:18:44,917 --> 00:18:46,210
and a comprehensive
set of power tools.
354
00:18:46,335 --> 00:18:47,461
Hell, yeah, we do.
355
00:18:47,586 --> 00:18:49,379
I don't need a man.
356
00:18:49,505 --> 00:18:51,298
It's just that maybe,
every now and then,
357
00:18:51,423 --> 00:18:53,467
I'd like to reach out
and find someone there.
358
00:18:53,592 --> 00:18:56,053
Reaching back.
359
00:18:56,178 --> 00:18:58,597
I don't care what
the I Promise people say.
360
00:18:58,722 --> 00:19:00,057
There is someone
out there for me.
361
00:19:00,182 --> 00:19:02,100
For all of us unmatchables.
362
00:19:03,393 --> 00:19:04,811
I promise.
363
00:19:11,026 --> 00:19:12,277
Hey.
364
00:19:17,157 --> 00:19:18,325
And don't you forget it.
365
00:19:21,119 --> 00:19:23,413
- Whoa, whoa. Quiet down.
366
00:19:27,584 --> 00:19:29,336
Wrong brother, Bonus.
367
00:19:29,461 --> 00:19:31,964
All hair and grooming questions
go to David and me.
368
00:19:32,089 --> 00:19:33,340
Have I taught you nothing?
369
00:19:33,465 --> 00:19:34,675
Dad told me
why you call me that.
370
00:19:34,800 --> 00:19:36,426
It's a term of endearment.
371
00:19:36,552 --> 00:19:38,846
Everyone loves a surprise.
372
00:19:40,639 --> 00:19:42,641
And the parentals wonder why
you're still single.
373
00:19:42,766 --> 00:19:44,434
She's doing my nails later.
374
00:19:44,560 --> 00:19:47,479
Hmm. That's not all
we're doing later.
375
00:19:47,604 --> 00:19:48,897
Hey!
376
00:19:51,441 --> 00:19:52,818
There we go.
377
00:19:57,823 --> 00:19:58,991
A blog?
378
00:19:59,116 --> 00:20:00,784
Who still blogs anymore?
379
00:20:00,909 --> 00:20:02,411
Just read it.
380
00:20:04,413 --> 00:20:05,581
This is unreal.
381
00:20:05,706 --> 00:20:07,124
My blog has, like,
20 comments.
382
00:20:07,249 --> 00:20:10,294
I usually have,
like, two.
383
00:20:10,419 --> 00:20:12,629
"Thanks, Kip,
for speaking for me."
384
00:20:12,754 --> 00:20:15,174
"I could have written this."
385
00:20:15,299 --> 00:20:17,551
"I'm crying as I write this."
386
00:20:19,011 --> 00:20:20,888
Oh, wow. It's up to 32 now.
387
00:20:21,013 --> 00:20:22,264
Look.
388
00:20:32,733 --> 00:20:34,193
Ruh-roh.
389
00:20:37,696 --> 00:20:40,782
♪ Staying in again
On a Saturday night ♪
390
00:20:40,908 --> 00:20:44,244
♪ I'm gonna settle on the sofa
And turn down the lights ♪
391
00:20:44,369 --> 00:20:48,081
♪ I got 900 channels
But there's nothing to see ♪
392
00:20:48,207 --> 00:20:51,668
♪ No wonder everybody thinks
They should be on TV ♪
393
00:20:51,793 --> 00:20:53,670
♪ Oh ♪
394
00:20:53,795 --> 00:20:55,172
♪ We all want to be famous ♪
395
00:20:55,297 --> 00:20:57,090
♪ Oh ♪
396
00:20:57,216 --> 00:20:58,800
♪ And be a face on the screen ♪
397
00:20:58,926 --> 00:21:00,511
♪ Oh ♪
398
00:21:00,636 --> 00:21:02,387
♪ Read our name in the papers ♪
399
00:21:02,513 --> 00:21:03,639
♪ Oh ♪
400
00:21:03,764 --> 00:21:07,476
♪ Everybody wants to be on TV ♪
401
00:21:07,601 --> 00:21:09,061
♪ Oh ♪
402
00:21:10,103 --> 00:21:11,230
♪ Oh-oh ♪
403
00:21:11,355 --> 00:21:12,814
♪ Oh ♪
404
00:21:13,982 --> 00:21:15,108
♪ Oh-oh ♪
405
00:21:15,234 --> 00:21:17,027
♪ Oh ♪
406
00:21:17,152 --> 00:21:18,278
♪ Oh-oh ♪
407
00:21:18,403 --> 00:21:19,696
♪ We all want ♪
408
00:21:19,821 --> 00:21:21,615
♪ We want to be famous ♪
409
00:21:21,740 --> 00:21:25,577
♪ We all want
To be like James Dean ♪
410
00:21:25,702 --> 00:21:27,996
So you believe
411
00:21:28,121 --> 00:21:31,625
just because you couldn't
find Mittens all night...
412
00:21:31,750 --> 00:21:34,545
Yes, she was abducted
by aliens.
413
00:21:34,670 --> 00:21:36,588
And they brought her back.
414
00:21:37,840 --> 00:21:40,342
- In time for breakfast.
- Yeah.
415
00:21:40,467 --> 00:21:44,096
Yeah, so there I was
making bacon,
416
00:21:44,221 --> 00:21:46,765
and she just came trotting in
417
00:21:46,890 --> 00:21:49,560
like she hadn't been MIA
all night.
418
00:21:49,685 --> 00:21:51,061
She looks at me differently.
419
00:21:51,186 --> 00:21:53,021
There's something
in her eyes, she...
420
00:21:55,274 --> 00:21:56,900
I can't explain--
You know what?
421
00:21:57,025 --> 00:21:58,861
There's this thing on her butt
I want to show you...
422
00:21:58,986 --> 00:22:00,153
Oh, and we are done.
423
00:22:01,822 --> 00:22:04,408
Thank you so much
to this week's guests,
424
00:22:04,533 --> 00:22:07,202
Kevin and Mittens.
425
00:22:07,327 --> 00:22:09,121
Now, before I go,
426
00:22:09,246 --> 00:22:12,082
I appreciate
all of the comments
427
00:22:12,207 --> 00:22:14,668
about the I Promise sitch.
428
00:22:14,793 --> 00:22:17,129
If you're not following
the shenanigans
429
00:22:17,254 --> 00:22:21,633
of my soon-to-be-new-bestie
Kip Parsons, you should be.
430
00:22:21,758 --> 00:22:23,719
I'm gonna get her in here
to spill more tea with me,
431
00:22:23,844 --> 00:22:24,970
Annie Lee.
432
00:22:25,095 --> 00:22:26,346
Check back soon.
433
00:22:30,601 --> 00:22:33,604
Okay, you're getting tagged
in this over and over.
434
00:22:33,729 --> 00:22:35,063
This is huge.
435
00:22:35,189 --> 00:22:37,524
Then what are you still
doing here?
436
00:22:37,649 --> 00:22:40,277
- Call her, get her in here.
- Okay.
437
00:22:44,531 --> 00:22:46,325
Don't look at me like that.
438
00:22:50,662 --> 00:22:52,497
She's straight-up lying.
439
00:22:52,623 --> 00:22:54,082
No one gets rejected.
440
00:22:54,208 --> 00:22:56,126
I mean, I can't even find her
in the system.
441
00:22:56,251 --> 00:22:57,503
It doesn't matter.
442
00:22:57,628 --> 00:22:59,046
Hashtag "unmatchable"
is trending,
443
00:22:59,171 --> 00:23:01,840
and lying or not,
she has hit a nerve.
444
00:23:01,965 --> 00:23:05,219
Oh, this couldn't happen
at a worse time.
445
00:23:05,344 --> 00:23:07,054
We have to handle this carefully.
446
00:23:07,179 --> 00:23:09,264
There's nothing
malicious in her blog.
447
00:23:09,389 --> 00:23:12,142
This just doesn't feel like
some massive corporate plot.
448
00:23:13,685 --> 00:23:15,187
Dirk, call Frankie.
449
00:23:15,312 --> 00:23:17,314
Tell her we're gonna need
the office tomorrow.
450
00:23:17,439 --> 00:23:18,815
- Perfect.
- Whoa, whoa.
451
00:23:18,941 --> 00:23:20,442
You know,
just a radical idea here.
452
00:23:20,567 --> 00:23:22,528
Maybe we should just
invite her here
453
00:23:22,653 --> 00:23:25,864
and, um, tell her the truth.
454
00:23:25,989 --> 00:23:27,533
No, no, no, no.
We need to impress her.
455
00:23:27,658 --> 00:23:29,201
You mean scare her.
456
00:23:29,326 --> 00:23:31,828
Riley, you hired us
to make the tough decisions.
457
00:23:31,954 --> 00:23:33,330
Now let us make them.
458
00:23:33,455 --> 00:23:36,208
Yes, is this Kip Parsons?
459
00:23:37,835 --> 00:23:39,503
This is Ivy Detamore,
460
00:23:39,628 --> 00:23:43,674
chief legal counsel
at I Promise.
461
00:23:43,799 --> 00:23:46,218
They want to meet to clear up
any "misunderstandings."
462
00:23:46,343 --> 00:23:48,011
So, you go down there
and you smack the shit
463
00:23:48,136 --> 00:23:49,346
out of their lying asses.
464
00:23:49,471 --> 00:23:50,931
I'm not good
with confrontation.
465
00:23:55,686 --> 00:23:57,229
You'll be fine.
466
00:23:57,354 --> 00:23:59,523
You're like Saint Joan
at the Siege of Orleans.
467
00:23:59,648 --> 00:24:02,192
You know, you're not just
fighting for yourself anymore.
468
00:24:02,317 --> 00:24:05,070
That's right, you're fighting
for all of us unmatchables, Kip.
469
00:24:09,741 --> 00:24:12,202
Hey, you're her.
470
00:24:12,327 --> 00:24:14,788
Hashtag "unmatchable."
I love it.
471
00:24:14,913 --> 00:24:18,834
Those ass-hats say they promise,
look at what they do.
472
00:24:18,959 --> 00:24:21,211
I literally cried
reading that.
473
00:24:21,336 --> 00:24:23,088
- Seriously?
- Yeah.
474
00:24:23,213 --> 00:24:24,673
Look at me.
475
00:24:24,798 --> 00:24:26,675
You don't see anybody
queuing up to date me?
476
00:24:27,759 --> 00:24:29,344
Oh, well...
477
00:24:29,469 --> 00:24:30,596
in the name of sisterhood,
478
00:24:30,721 --> 00:24:31,972
could you give me a pass?
479
00:24:32,097 --> 00:24:33,640
Get real.
480
00:24:36,018 --> 00:24:37,477
They killed Joan, didn't they?
481
00:24:37,603 --> 00:24:39,396
Burned her alive
at the stake?
482
00:24:39,521 --> 00:24:42,065
- Oh, God.
483
00:24:42,191 --> 00:24:44,359
Yeah, it's not
a perfect metaphor.
484
00:24:44,484 --> 00:24:46,570
We need more people.
485
00:24:52,743 --> 00:24:54,369
Have you seen the retweets?
486
00:24:54,494 --> 00:24:56,038
She's like the digital Bachelorette.
487
00:24:56,163 --> 00:24:58,332
I've been promoting it everywhere.
488
00:24:58,457 --> 00:24:59,666
We need to get her in here.
489
00:24:59,791 --> 00:25:01,084
I've left six messages.
490
00:25:01,210 --> 00:25:02,461
Well, call her again.
Be her friend.
491
00:25:02,586 --> 00:25:04,254
She sure sounds like
she needs one.
492
00:25:05,339 --> 00:25:06,507
Raina?
493
00:25:06,632 --> 00:25:08,467
This story could launch me.
494
00:25:08,592 --> 00:25:11,762
And wherever I go,
you'll be right there with me.
495
00:25:12,763 --> 00:25:14,014
Now call her.
496
00:25:19,102 --> 00:25:21,230
Wait, your motto is "I promise,"
497
00:25:21,355 --> 00:25:23,941
and you told her
she was unmatchable?
498
00:25:24,066 --> 00:25:25,984
- It's Riley's fault.
- No, uh-uh.
499
00:25:26,109 --> 00:25:28,612
No, the code is perfect,
thank you.
500
00:25:28,737 --> 00:25:30,447
Well, you can end up
in the crapper on this one.
501
00:25:30,572 --> 00:25:32,658
She could sue you dry.
502
00:25:32,783 --> 00:25:34,576
She would have to prove
that she got rejected,
which she can't do.
503
00:25:34,701 --> 00:25:36,995
So without that,
the most she can do is,
504
00:25:37,120 --> 00:25:39,122
I don't know,
complain about us.
505
00:25:39,248 --> 00:25:42,209
Yeah, all over the Internet.
Which never dies.
506
00:25:44,169 --> 00:25:46,004
So why are you
bringing her here?
507
00:25:46,129 --> 00:25:47,923
To show her
we're the good guys.
508
00:25:48,048 --> 00:25:49,466
So in other words,
509
00:25:49,591 --> 00:25:51,093
you want her
to take the blog down.
510
00:25:51,218 --> 00:25:52,469
Pretty much exactly.
511
00:25:53,971 --> 00:25:55,222
You can leave that on, you know.
512
00:25:55,347 --> 00:25:56,598
Nah, our market research says
513
00:25:56,723 --> 00:25:57,933
that we're better positioned
514
00:25:58,058 --> 00:25:59,601
if people think
I'm straight and single.
515
00:26:02,271 --> 00:26:03,522
We live in weird times.
516
00:26:05,774 --> 00:26:07,150
Well, it's go time.
517
00:26:07,276 --> 00:26:09,111
So, we get the call she's here.
518
00:26:09,236 --> 00:26:10,904
From the lobby to here,
519
00:26:11,029 --> 00:26:13,365
you charm her with your
"I'm a sun god" shtick.
520
00:26:13,490 --> 00:26:14,825
You take her down
to the broker room.
521
00:26:14,950 --> 00:26:17,536
Show her a couple of computers, right?
522
00:26:17,661 --> 00:26:19,788
Ten minutes tops. She's out.
523
00:26:20,873 --> 00:26:22,040
All right, I'm gone.
524
00:26:22,165 --> 00:26:23,584
Careful she doesn't see you.
525
00:26:23,709 --> 00:26:25,419
Um, it doesn't matter, remember?
526
00:26:25,544 --> 00:26:26,712
She doesn't know who I am.
527
00:26:26,837 --> 00:26:28,088
Still.
528
00:26:31,091 --> 00:26:32,301
Mr. Detamore
will be with you soon.
529
00:26:32,426 --> 00:26:34,011
Help yourself
to some water.
530
00:26:53,030 --> 00:26:55,949
Oh, hey. What are you?
531
00:27:03,165 --> 00:27:04,583
Huh.
532
00:27:09,171 --> 00:27:10,839
Puffer fish, huh?
533
00:27:13,759 --> 00:27:16,220
So is this your deflated state?
534
00:27:17,846 --> 00:27:19,097
You are so sweet.
535
00:27:20,599 --> 00:27:22,226
- Oh, I wouldn't do that...
- Ah!
536
00:27:25,062 --> 00:27:26,313
Oh, shit.
537
00:27:28,398 --> 00:27:29,858
Uh...
538
00:27:29,983 --> 00:27:31,527
- No!
- No!
539
00:27:31,652 --> 00:27:32,903
Should we grab him?
540
00:27:33,028 --> 00:27:34,696
- Hell no.
- Whoa.
541
00:27:34,821 --> 00:27:36,657
- Are you gonna faint?
- No. Are you?
542
00:27:36,782 --> 00:27:38,784
I don't think so.
543
00:27:38,909 --> 00:27:40,494
No!
544
00:27:40,619 --> 00:27:42,246
- Okay, what do we do?
- Uh, move the couch.
545
00:27:42,371 --> 00:27:43,622
Okay.
546
00:27:52,256 --> 00:27:54,424
Okay. Shh.
547
00:28:02,599 --> 00:28:03,851
Go!
548
00:28:05,310 --> 00:28:07,020
Oh, no. Oh!
549
00:28:21,368 --> 00:28:24,162
- Ah! Oh, uh...
- No.
550
00:28:24,288 --> 00:28:25,789
That was amazing.
551
00:28:25,914 --> 00:28:27,541
- You have such good reactions.
- Oh, thank you.
552
00:28:27,666 --> 00:28:29,751
- I hunt zombies, so...
- Do you get medical with that?
553
00:28:29,877 --> 00:28:32,045
Absolutely.
We're a full union now.
554
00:28:35,424 --> 00:28:37,217
Um, Kip Parsons?
555
00:28:38,760 --> 00:28:39,928
There was a spider.
556
00:28:40,053 --> 00:28:41,180
It was sizable.
557
00:28:41,305 --> 00:28:42,472
I need a Band-Aid.
558
00:28:42,598 --> 00:28:44,099
Oh, of course.
559
00:28:44,224 --> 00:28:45,517
Right this way, please.
560
00:28:58,280 --> 00:28:59,656
Wow, huh?
561
00:29:01,450 --> 00:29:03,285
I mean, I know she almost
killed you, but...
562
00:29:04,411 --> 00:29:06,663
other than that... wow.
563
00:29:09,625 --> 00:29:11,502
So, this is my office.
564
00:29:11,627 --> 00:29:12,961
- Thanks for this.
- Oh, yeah.
565
00:29:13,086 --> 00:29:14,463
No, of course. Please.
566
00:29:14,588 --> 00:29:16,131
Uh, have a seat.
567
00:29:25,641 --> 00:29:26,975
Um...
568
00:29:28,894 --> 00:29:33,273
Look, I never expected
so many people to read my blog.
569
00:29:33,398 --> 00:29:34,733
I'm as surprised as anyone.
570
00:29:36,109 --> 00:29:37,778
Well, you put it
on the Internet.
571
00:29:37,903 --> 00:29:39,238
I put a lot of things
on the Internet,
572
00:29:39,363 --> 00:29:41,156
but no one
ever reads them.
573
00:29:41,281 --> 00:29:43,408
I guess...
574
00:29:43,534 --> 00:29:45,911
I guess I was just angry.
575
00:29:46,036 --> 00:29:48,455
I mean, unmatchable?
576
00:29:48,580 --> 00:29:51,083
Here's the thing that's really
curious about that.
577
00:29:51,208 --> 00:29:53,377
I checked with Development,
578
00:29:53,502 --> 00:29:55,671
and they assure me
there's no code in the system
579
00:29:55,796 --> 00:29:57,673
that rejects people.
580
00:29:57,798 --> 00:30:01,218
So, are you sure
you used I Promise?
581
00:30:03,554 --> 00:30:06,598
Well, unless you have
a doppelganger.
582
00:30:06,723 --> 00:30:08,851
- I'm pretty sure.
583
00:30:08,976 --> 00:30:13,021
Yeah, but if you got rejected,
why hasn't anyone else?
584
00:30:13,146 --> 00:30:14,481
Well, I don't know
about anybody else.
585
00:30:14,606 --> 00:30:16,191
I only know about me.
586
00:30:16,316 --> 00:30:17,609
And besides,
how would I know
587
00:30:17,734 --> 00:30:19,486
that no one else been rejected?
588
00:30:19,611 --> 00:30:21,196
Because you told me?
589
00:30:21,321 --> 00:30:22,906
And if your code's so great,
590
00:30:23,031 --> 00:30:26,159
then how come
you haven't found love yet?
591
00:30:28,078 --> 00:30:31,039
Look, I'm just trying to clear
up any misunderstandings
592
00:30:31,164 --> 00:30:32,583
- that we have.
- I understand.
593
00:30:32,708 --> 00:30:34,376
I just think you have
a credibility issue.
594
00:30:34,501 --> 00:30:37,045
Because I have no reason to lie
and, well, you guys...
595
00:30:40,340 --> 00:30:41,800
You do.
596
00:30:45,345 --> 00:30:46,597
How about that tour?
597
00:30:47,973 --> 00:30:49,224
Sure.
598
00:30:49,349 --> 00:30:50,976
Great.
599
00:30:51,101 --> 00:30:53,061
So, yeah,
so this is it.
600
00:30:56,356 --> 00:30:58,150
These are your programmers?
601
00:30:58,275 --> 00:30:59,902
Sure, yeah.
602
00:31:00,027 --> 00:31:01,278
Those guys? Them?
603
00:31:01,403 --> 00:31:03,947
Uh, yeah. That's them.
604
00:31:07,701 --> 00:31:08,994
Thank you for your time.
605
00:31:11,288 --> 00:31:12,664
I hope we've resolved
any old feelings.
606
00:31:12,789 --> 00:31:14,583
And so you'll take down
your blog?
607
00:31:20,631 --> 00:31:22,549
Hey, man.
That went well, huh?
608
00:31:25,260 --> 00:31:27,429
I have no idea
what just happened.
609
00:31:42,569 --> 00:31:45,781
They say Google performs
six billion searches a day,
610
00:31:45,906 --> 00:31:48,617
but it only took me four
to prove something.
611
00:31:48,742 --> 00:31:50,369
I Promise is a pack of liars.
612
00:31:50,494 --> 00:31:52,621
Score! Retweet that.
613
00:31:52,746 --> 00:31:54,373
Already on it.
614
00:31:54,498 --> 00:31:56,083
Ironic,
since they just accused me
615
00:31:56,208 --> 00:31:57,876
of lying about being rejected.
616
00:31:58,001 --> 00:31:59,586
But that's what liars do,
isn't it?
617
00:31:59,711 --> 00:32:01,421
Go get 'em, Kip.
618
00:32:01,547 --> 00:32:03,215
You know that slick building
in the commercials?
619
00:32:03,340 --> 00:32:07,177
That's home to a brokerage firm
called Kaplan-Meyers.
620
00:32:07,302 --> 00:32:08,762
Meyers, coincidentally,
621
00:32:08,887 --> 00:32:10,430
is the maiden name
of Dirk's mother.
622
00:32:10,556 --> 00:32:11,932
Aren't search engines cool?
623
00:32:14,309 --> 00:32:16,562
Hashtag "unmatchable."
624
00:32:16,687 --> 00:32:19,857
It's not their building.
They just use it to look cool.
625
00:32:19,982 --> 00:32:22,860
They're lying about everything,
and here's the fun part:
626
00:32:22,985 --> 00:32:26,238
they didn't even get to know me
before rejecting me.
627
00:32:26,363 --> 00:32:28,866
If they had, they wouldn't
have tried to pass off
628
00:32:28,991 --> 00:32:31,994
a bunch of brokers
as programmers.
629
00:32:32,119 --> 00:32:34,496
Ties and headsets
on programmers?
630
00:32:34,621 --> 00:32:35,998
Not in this world, pal.
631
00:32:36,123 --> 00:32:37,416
Represent, bruh.
632
00:32:37,541 --> 00:32:39,084
- Oh, her.
633
00:32:39,209 --> 00:32:41,003
Oh.
- But the clincher
634
00:32:41,128 --> 00:32:42,838
was a glass statue.
635
00:32:42,963 --> 00:32:44,214
A huge honor, really.
636
00:32:45,591 --> 00:32:46,633
Employee of the Year.
637
00:32:46,758 --> 00:32:49,011
Lotus Corporation.
638
00:32:49,136 --> 00:32:50,762
Only problem is,
639
00:32:50,888 --> 00:32:53,056
as any self-respecting geek
could tell you,
640
00:32:53,182 --> 00:32:55,058
Lotus was bought by IBM in...
641
00:32:55,184 --> 00:32:56,476
1995.
642
00:32:56,602 --> 00:32:58,604
- '95.
- Duh.
643
00:32:58,729 --> 00:33:00,355
June 12, 1995, actually,
644
00:33:00,480 --> 00:33:03,275
for 3.5 billion
in a hostile take over.
645
00:33:03,400 --> 00:33:04,526
I believe it was a Monday.
646
00:33:04,651 --> 00:33:06,737
1995.
647
00:33:06,862 --> 00:33:09,656
"I doubt Dirk D. Detamore
was employee of the year at 8,
648
00:33:09,781 --> 00:33:11,950
as gifted as he may be.
649
00:33:12,075 --> 00:33:14,953
But that fourth search?
Yep, Francesca Meyers.
650
00:33:15,078 --> 00:33:18,248
Lotus Employee of the Year,
1992."
651
00:33:18,373 --> 00:33:20,918
Please make it stop.
652
00:33:21,043 --> 00:33:23,504
"So my question is,
do you trust your love life
653
00:33:23,629 --> 00:33:26,798
to someone who doesn't even
bother to get to know you?
654
00:33:26,924 --> 00:33:28,967
Me? I'll take my chances."
655
00:33:33,388 --> 00:33:34,640
What?
656
00:33:36,058 --> 00:33:37,768
"And while we're speculating,
657
00:33:37,893 --> 00:33:40,020
I think Dirk is married.
658
00:33:40,145 --> 00:33:42,189
But why hide it?
659
00:33:42,314 --> 00:33:44,107
I'd rather know he found love
660
00:33:44,233 --> 00:33:47,402
than to see underdressed models
hanging on him in every ad."
661
00:33:47,528 --> 00:33:50,280
I told you.
She doesn't miss anything.
662
00:33:50,405 --> 00:33:52,324
She's worse than Mom.
663
00:33:52,449 --> 00:33:54,451
- Hush!
- And she finishes with,
664
00:33:54,576 --> 00:33:57,621
"P.S., against all laws
of probability,
665
00:33:57,746 --> 00:34:00,541
if the cute guy
in the waiting room is reading,
666
00:34:00,666 --> 00:34:03,836
I'd fish-wrangle again
with you anytime."
667
00:34:06,129 --> 00:34:07,589
Did she say "cute guy"?
668
00:34:07,714 --> 00:34:10,467
Ow! What the actual hell?
669
00:34:10,592 --> 00:34:12,010
I can't believe
you hit on the chick
670
00:34:12,135 --> 00:34:13,595
trying to ruin
our company.
671
00:34:13,720 --> 00:34:15,681
How was I supposed to know
who she was?
672
00:34:18,100 --> 00:34:19,434
- Oh!
673
00:34:21,228 --> 00:34:23,647
Knock it off! Right now!
674
00:34:27,693 --> 00:34:29,987
What is wrong with you?
675
00:34:30,112 --> 00:34:33,240
We are going to lose everything
that we have worked so hard for,
676
00:34:33,365 --> 00:34:36,034
and all because this silly girl
677
00:34:36,159 --> 00:34:40,122
thinks she has to express
everything she feels.
678
00:34:40,247 --> 00:34:45,252
You know, maybe a little legal
action would calm her down, hmm?
679
00:34:45,377 --> 00:34:47,004
You mean, sue her? For what?
680
00:34:47,129 --> 00:34:48,297
Slander.
681
00:34:48,422 --> 00:34:49,548
Libel, actually.
682
00:34:49,673 --> 00:34:50,841
Oh, yeah.
683
00:34:50,966 --> 00:34:52,176
I always get those backwards.
684
00:34:52,301 --> 00:34:54,511
You got to be kidding me, right?
685
00:34:54,636 --> 00:34:57,973
The Internet
is the written word.
686
00:34:58,098 --> 00:34:59,641
You can't just say
whatever you want.
687
00:34:59,766 --> 00:35:03,187
Well, yeah, you kind of can.
688
00:35:03,312 --> 00:35:05,397
Okay, well, then you give us
another solution.
689
00:35:05,522 --> 00:35:10,152
Um, we bring her here
and we tell her the truth.
690
00:35:10,277 --> 00:35:12,112
Riley, no.
That's a terrible idea.
691
00:35:12,237 --> 00:35:14,156
Not when we're trying to expand.
692
00:35:14,281 --> 00:35:15,908
And we can't risk having her
write about it.
693
00:35:16,033 --> 00:35:17,826
We'll sound like
a mom-and-pop shop.
694
00:35:17,951 --> 00:35:20,037
But we are a mom-and-pop--
695
00:35:20,162 --> 00:35:21,663
This is a family business.
696
00:35:21,788 --> 00:35:25,334
And since I'm in charge,
no legal action.
697
00:35:29,963 --> 00:35:31,840
Where are you going?
698
00:35:31,965 --> 00:35:33,884
To improve my mental state.
699
00:35:34,009 --> 00:35:35,260
- Come on, Sarah.
- Okay.
700
00:35:39,264 --> 00:35:42,643
Hey, Jones, what do you think
about a dog?
701
00:35:46,188 --> 00:35:48,232
Yeah, me too.
702
00:35:48,357 --> 00:35:49,858
But maybe they're right.
703
00:35:49,983 --> 00:35:52,152
Maybe I should go look, hmm?
704
00:35:52,277 --> 00:35:54,071
- Get rid of it!
705
00:35:54,196 --> 00:35:55,531
Get rid of it, get rid of it,
before he eats your hand.
706
00:35:55,656 --> 00:35:57,241
- Go get it!
- Nice one!
707
00:35:57,366 --> 00:35:59,868
- Fergus, come here.
- Why can't we adopt Fergus?
708
00:35:59,993 --> 00:36:01,954
- He's been here for, like, ever.
- You know why, stinker.
709
00:36:02,079 --> 00:36:04,414
What's Mom's one rule
about me taking you here?
710
00:36:04,540 --> 00:36:06,041
No stowaways.
711
00:36:06,166 --> 00:36:07,876
Exactly. Fergus, come here.
712
00:36:08,001 --> 00:36:10,045
- Come on. Come on.
- All right, ready?
713
00:36:10,170 --> 00:36:11,922
- Go get it.
- Nice one.
714
00:36:12,047 --> 00:36:13,715
Aw, good boy.
715
00:36:13,841 --> 00:36:16,385
So, like, why can't I throw
as far as you?
716
00:36:16,510 --> 00:36:19,096
Um, maybe it has something to do
with me being, like,
717
00:36:19,221 --> 00:36:21,223
- super manly!
718
00:36:21,348 --> 00:36:23,851
Hi! Are you looking
to adopt a dog?
719
00:36:23,976 --> 00:36:26,812
- Because Fergus needs a home.
- Maybe. Yeah.
720
00:36:28,313 --> 00:36:30,023
- Hey.
- Hey.
721
00:36:30,148 --> 00:36:32,025
Do you remember, um...
722
00:36:33,735 --> 00:36:34,903
I'm not sure.
723
00:36:35,028 --> 00:36:37,030
Something about you seems...
724
00:36:37,155 --> 00:36:38,949
- Fishy?
-"Dolphin-ately."
725
00:36:43,495 --> 00:36:44,872
What does that mean?
726
00:36:48,959 --> 00:36:50,085
I have a hermit crab.
727
00:36:50,210 --> 00:36:51,461
- Cool.
- Yeah. Named Jones.
728
00:36:51,587 --> 00:36:53,297
He was my first pet.
729
00:36:53,422 --> 00:36:56,842
So a dog just feels like
this huge step
730
00:36:56,967 --> 00:36:58,260
up the commitment ladder.
731
00:36:58,385 --> 00:36:59,553
Yeah, I mean, well...
732
00:36:59,678 --> 00:37:01,221
Uh, I guess I work from home,
733
00:37:01,346 --> 00:37:03,015
so it's pretty easy.
734
00:37:03,140 --> 00:37:04,766
Oh, I wish
I could do that,
735
00:37:04,892 --> 00:37:06,226
but my boss,
he takes micromanagement
736
00:37:06,351 --> 00:37:07,978
to a whole new level.
737
00:37:08,103 --> 00:37:09,354
Oh, a nano-manager?
738
00:37:10,731 --> 00:37:12,107
A pico-manager.
739
00:37:12,232 --> 00:37:14,234
Hey, Riley, watch this.
740
00:37:14,359 --> 00:37:15,527
One, two, three.
741
00:37:17,487 --> 00:37:19,114
Oh, my gosh, that was amazing!
742
00:37:19,239 --> 00:37:20,949
- She loves cartwheels.
743
00:37:21,074 --> 00:37:22,326
Mm.
744
00:37:25,412 --> 00:37:28,332
So are you, like,
a cool dad
745
00:37:28,457 --> 00:37:30,709
that lets his daughter call him
by his first name?
746
00:37:30,834 --> 00:37:32,836
- What?
747
00:37:32,961 --> 00:37:35,255
No, no, no,
I'm like a...
748
00:37:35,380 --> 00:37:37,758
You know, a very cool
much older brother
749
00:37:37,883 --> 00:37:40,969
who is just happy
when his sister calls him
750
00:37:41,094 --> 00:37:43,430
by his actual name
instead of one of the thousands
751
00:37:43,555 --> 00:37:46,183
of kind of rude nicknames
that she has for me, so...
752
00:37:46,308 --> 00:37:47,434
Yeah, kids are brutal.
753
00:37:47,559 --> 00:37:48,810
Yeah.
754
00:37:52,689 --> 00:37:53,941
Hey, so...
755
00:37:54,066 --> 00:37:56,276
super awkward transition.
756
00:37:56,401 --> 00:37:59,279
Are you, uh, seeing anyone?
757
00:38:01,990 --> 00:38:03,408
Like an apparition?
758
00:38:03,534 --> 00:38:05,202
- Or like a therapist?
759
00:38:05,327 --> 00:38:06,620
Or a boyfriend?
760
00:38:06,745 --> 00:38:08,372
Uh...
761
00:38:08,497 --> 00:38:09,998
Any. All.
762
00:38:10,123 --> 00:38:11,458
No.
763
00:38:11,583 --> 00:38:13,877
To all.
764
00:38:14,002 --> 00:38:15,337
Kind of a disappointment.
765
00:38:15,462 --> 00:38:16,839
If you saw ghosts,
that would be cool.
766
00:38:16,964 --> 00:38:18,966
So, uh, I don't know.
Maybe we could...
767
00:38:19,091 --> 00:38:20,217
We could, uh...
768
00:38:20,342 --> 00:38:22,427
Sometime, we could...
769
00:38:22,553 --> 00:38:24,054
- I don't know...
- Bus!
770
00:38:26,348 --> 00:38:27,724
Oh, uh, thanks.
771
00:38:29,518 --> 00:38:32,020
Please adopt Fergus next time.
772
00:38:32,145 --> 00:38:34,356
Yeah, I'll...
I'll think about it, okay?
773
00:38:34,481 --> 00:38:35,774
Um...
774
00:38:38,944 --> 00:38:40,195
Bye!
775
00:38:42,823 --> 00:38:44,908
Hey, what's wrong?
776
00:38:45,033 --> 00:38:47,536
I just-- I...
777
00:38:47,661 --> 00:38:49,037
I didn't get a chance
to ask her out.
778
00:38:50,455 --> 00:38:51,915
I know.
779
00:38:52,040 --> 00:38:54,418
It's because you have zero game.
780
00:38:54,543 --> 00:38:56,628
Now, you have to give it
back to her.
781
00:38:56,753 --> 00:38:58,297
Boom.
782
00:38:58,422 --> 00:38:59,756
Who are you?
783
00:38:59,882 --> 00:39:01,717
I'm your amazing sister. Period.
784
00:39:10,893 --> 00:39:12,227
Do you know her socially?
785
00:39:12,352 --> 00:39:14,062
What? It wouldn't
be appropriate.
786
00:39:14,188 --> 00:39:15,939
You heard it here first, folks.
Channel 8 news.
787
00:39:16,064 --> 00:39:17,316
This is Janine,
signing--
788
00:39:17,441 --> 00:39:19,234
What are you
doing tonight, Janine?
789
00:39:19,359 --> 00:39:21,320
Cut.
790
00:39:24,573 --> 00:39:26,325
Hey.
791
00:39:26,450 --> 00:39:28,535
Did Marco finally get arrested
for felony-level assholery?
792
00:39:28,660 --> 00:39:30,162
Not this time.
They're here for you.
793
00:39:30,287 --> 00:39:32,581
Oh.-Side door, LB's waiting.
794
00:39:32,706 --> 00:39:34,583
Great, I lost my badge again.
795
00:39:35,751 --> 00:39:37,503
She's just late.
796
00:39:37,628 --> 00:39:39,880
She does soup kitchen stuff
in the mornings.
797
00:39:40,005 --> 00:39:41,298
As if!
798
00:39:41,423 --> 00:39:43,175
- What a scrote.
799
00:39:43,300 --> 00:39:45,093
And do you know Miss Parsons?
800
00:39:45,219 --> 00:39:48,138
Oh, absolutely, I know her.
She's like...
801
00:39:49,640 --> 00:39:51,725
She's like my assistant.
802
00:39:51,850 --> 00:39:54,436
His assistant?
That's it, I'm killing him.
803
00:39:54,561 --> 00:39:56,230
Wait, wait, wait,
this is the best part.
804
00:39:56,355 --> 00:39:58,649
Do you know her socially?
805
00:39:58,774 --> 00:40:00,400
Of course not.
We work together.
806
00:40:00,526 --> 00:40:02,569
It wouldn't be appropriate.
807
00:40:02,694 --> 00:40:04,112
- Ugh.
- Right!
808
00:40:04,238 --> 00:40:05,364
Like he hasn't tried to bone
809
00:40:05,489 --> 00:40:07,074
every girl in the office.
810
00:40:07,199 --> 00:40:08,659
Except, you know, you.
811
00:40:10,786 --> 00:40:12,246
- Yeah, it's taken.
- What, the whole thing?
812
00:40:12,371 --> 00:40:13,622
- Yeah.
- But there's a girl in there.
813
00:40:13,747 --> 00:40:14,873
Yeah, I know.
814
00:40:14,998 --> 00:40:16,416
Perhaps you should consider
815
00:40:16,542 --> 00:40:17,709
holding a press conference.
816
00:40:17,835 --> 00:40:19,461
No, no. Do a live AMA.
817
00:40:20,671 --> 00:40:22,130
- All right, I...
- What'd I say?
818
00:40:22,256 --> 00:40:24,341
- I have to go!
- Well, go to the fifth floor.
819
00:40:24,466 --> 00:40:25,884
The fifth floo--?
820
00:40:26,009 --> 00:40:27,302
I don't know
how to set up an AMA.
821
00:40:27,427 --> 00:40:29,263
I'll set it up.
Tomorrow, 9:00 a.m.
822
00:40:29,388 --> 00:40:30,681
In the conference room.
823
00:40:33,058 --> 00:40:35,978
- Sure.
- Okay, let's go.
824
00:40:36,103 --> 00:40:37,479
Oh, you're still here.
825
00:40:37,604 --> 00:40:38,897
- Thank God.
- You're safe now.
826
00:40:39,022 --> 00:40:40,190
I think we got most of them.
827
00:40:40,315 --> 00:40:41,567
Just watch your back.
828
00:41:08,010 --> 00:41:09,261
Good night.
829
00:41:11,847 --> 00:41:13,140
Okay.
830
00:41:23,025 --> 00:41:24,985
- Riley?
831
00:41:25,110 --> 00:41:26,528
Kip. Hey.
832
00:41:26,653 --> 00:41:29,114
Um, hey, you left this
at the dog orphan--
833
00:41:29,239 --> 00:41:31,408
The, um, the shelter.
834
00:41:31,533 --> 00:41:32,743
Right. Thank you.
835
00:41:32,868 --> 00:41:34,620
Yeah.
836
00:41:37,206 --> 00:41:38,332
Oh.
837
00:41:38,457 --> 00:41:39,625
Was that your bus?
838
00:41:39,750 --> 00:41:41,710
- Yeah.
- Oh.
839
00:41:41,835 --> 00:41:43,128
Um...
840
00:41:43,253 --> 00:41:45,214
Are you doing anything?
841
00:41:45,339 --> 00:41:46,632
Like, right now?
842
00:41:48,008 --> 00:41:49,426
So, we're really leaning heavily
843
00:41:49,551 --> 00:41:51,136
- into the fish thing, huh?
844
00:41:51,261 --> 00:41:53,305
It's the new VR aquarium.
845
00:41:53,430 --> 00:41:56,642
I thought it was topical.
Or tropical.
846
00:41:58,769 --> 00:42:03,190
Oh, well, we got, uh,
like two hours until they close.
847
00:42:03,315 --> 00:42:05,275
- So...
- That's a cool watch.
848
00:42:05,400 --> 00:42:07,319
It's synced to the atomic,
of course.
849
00:42:07,444 --> 00:42:09,530
It's binary? For real?
850
00:42:09,655 --> 00:42:11,782
Yeah, naturally.
851
00:42:14,743 --> 00:42:16,411
Sharks are so cool.
852
00:42:16,537 --> 00:42:18,247
They've been around
since the dinosaurs.
853
00:42:18,372 --> 00:42:20,123
Well, yeah, they
basically haven't had to evolve
854
00:42:20,249 --> 00:42:21,959
because they're, like,
perfect creatures.
855
00:42:22,084 --> 00:42:24,378
I know, even shark embryos
can sense danger approaching,
856
00:42:24,503 --> 00:42:25,963
and they stop moving.
857
00:42:26,088 --> 00:42:27,506
I actually
read this study
858
00:42:27,631 --> 00:42:28,966
where a scientist
followed a female shark
859
00:42:29,091 --> 00:42:30,300
for, like, 20 years.
860
00:42:30,425 --> 00:42:32,052
And they found
that they returned
861
00:42:32,177 --> 00:42:33,637
to where they were born...
862
00:42:33,762 --> 00:42:35,430
- To give birth.
- ...to give birth, yeah.
863
00:42:37,057 --> 00:42:38,600
- I'm a geek.
- Same here.
864
00:42:38,725 --> 00:42:41,061
Yeah, I have, like,
all these totally random,
865
00:42:41,186 --> 00:42:42,855
useless facts floating around
in my head,
866
00:42:42,980 --> 00:42:44,523
and then half the time
I can't even remember
867
00:42:44,648 --> 00:42:46,692
it's my mom's birthday.
868
00:42:46,817 --> 00:42:48,819
But that's boring. I'm boring.
Tell me more about you.
869
00:42:48,944 --> 00:42:52,197
Oh, no, I'm significantly
more boring.
870
00:42:52,322 --> 00:42:54,116
Well, I don't
believe that at all.
871
00:42:54,241 --> 00:42:56,827
I mean, for starters, you...
872
00:42:56,952 --> 00:42:58,412
You wrangle fish.
873
00:42:58,537 --> 00:43:00,289
Oh, that's true. Yeah.
874
00:43:00,414 --> 00:43:02,291
It's a gift.
A calling, really.
875
00:43:02,416 --> 00:43:04,835
And, um, and you don't drive,
876
00:43:04,960 --> 00:43:06,670
so you're, like, what,
a greenie?
877
00:43:06,795 --> 00:43:08,922
Not really.
My car got stolen.
878
00:43:09,047 --> 00:43:10,465
Oh, my God.
879
00:43:10,591 --> 00:43:11,925
Do you think the police
are gonna find it?
880
00:43:12,050 --> 00:43:13,760
Probably not.
It's been two years.
881
00:43:13,886 --> 00:43:15,762
- Oh.
882
00:43:15,888 --> 00:43:17,639
It's just a whole thing,
getting a new car.
883
00:43:17,764 --> 00:43:19,224
Well, I mean, it could be easy.
884
00:43:19,349 --> 00:43:20,767
I actually have a CarMax app
on my phone.
885
00:43:20,893 --> 00:43:22,436
We can get you one
right now.
886
00:43:22,561 --> 00:43:24,563
They have all different
colors of cars now.
887
00:43:24,688 --> 00:43:27,316
You can get blue ones
and red ones.
888
00:43:27,441 --> 00:43:29,359
- You could do like a pink car.
- Wow.
889
00:43:29,484 --> 00:43:30,652
- Wow.
- Yellow.
890
00:43:30,777 --> 00:43:32,362
Wow, you know a lot
of colors.
891
00:43:32,487 --> 00:43:34,239
Yeah, well, it's like
a hobby of mine.
892
00:43:34,364 --> 00:43:36,283
It's just memorizing
different color names.
893
00:43:36,408 --> 00:43:37,659
- I have a weird hobby.
- What's that?
894
00:43:37,784 --> 00:43:40,537
I make templates
for windup toys,
895
00:43:40,662 --> 00:43:42,915
and then I upload them
so people can print them
896
00:43:43,040 --> 00:43:44,666
from their 3D printers.
897
00:43:47,252 --> 00:43:48,921
That is so cool.
898
00:43:52,382 --> 00:43:54,092
Thanks.
899
00:43:56,470 --> 00:43:58,305
Oh, puffer fish.
900
00:43:58,430 --> 00:43:59,556
Oh. There he is.
901
00:43:59,681 --> 00:44:01,391
Fang's cousins.
902
00:44:01,517 --> 00:44:02,684
You know, because...
903
00:44:02,809 --> 00:44:03,977
Oh, that's--
904
00:44:04,102 --> 00:44:05,354
Oh, I see.
Yeah, no, that's--
905
00:44:05,479 --> 00:44:07,439
Well, we should maybe...
906
00:44:09,233 --> 00:44:11,318
- To commemorate.
- Okay.
907
00:44:11,443 --> 00:44:12,694
- To Fang.
- To Fang.
908
00:44:15,906 --> 00:44:17,616
Wow, this is a fancy car.
909
00:44:17,741 --> 00:44:18,867
Yeah, it's my brother's.
910
00:44:18,992 --> 00:44:20,661
It's a lot.
911
00:44:20,786 --> 00:44:22,663
- Okay, controversial question.
- Hmm?
912
00:44:22,788 --> 00:44:25,666
Episodes Four, Five, Six.
Luke or Han?
913
00:44:25,791 --> 00:44:27,292
Luke or Han what?
914
00:44:27,417 --> 00:44:29,002
Who's your dreamStar Wars guy?
915
00:44:29,127 --> 00:44:31,630
Sweet, earnest Luke,
or bad boy Han?
916
00:44:31,755 --> 00:44:33,549
Oh. Neither.
917
00:44:33,674 --> 00:44:35,008
What?
918
00:44:35,133 --> 00:44:36,426
Neither Han nor Luke
919
00:44:36,552 --> 00:44:38,178
is the perfect man
in OG Star Wars.
920
00:44:38,303 --> 00:44:41,598
That title undeniably belongs
to Chewbacca.
921
00:44:41,723 --> 00:44:44,393
- Don't laugh.
922
00:44:44,518 --> 00:44:46,562
Okay, wait, so...
923
00:44:46,687 --> 00:44:47,938
Sorry, big, hairy Chewie?
924
00:44:48,063 --> 00:44:51,316
Oh, my goodness, yes.
925
00:44:51,441 --> 00:44:53,443
You know, he's loyal.
926
00:44:53,569 --> 00:44:54,945
Just turn up here.
927
00:44:55,070 --> 00:44:56,321
Oh, okay. So big, hairy, loyal.
928
00:44:56,446 --> 00:44:58,323
Which is why
you're looking for a dog.
929
00:44:58,448 --> 00:45:00,284
He's macho, but he's not afraid
to show his feelings.
930
00:45:00,409 --> 00:45:02,828
And he hates being away
from the people that he loves.
931
00:45:02,953 --> 00:45:04,746
Who just happen to be
of the male persuasion.
932
00:45:04,872 --> 00:45:06,707
- Which is fine...
- No way.
933
00:45:06,832 --> 00:45:08,959
- It's not a bad thing.
- Chewie? No.
934
00:45:09,084 --> 00:45:10,794
Chewie's totally straight.
935
00:45:10,919 --> 00:45:13,964
Uh, just turn up there,
and then it's another block up.
936
00:45:14,089 --> 00:45:16,133
And the best part
about Chewie?
937
00:45:16,258 --> 00:45:18,760
He wears nothing
except for that gun belt.
938
00:45:18,886 --> 00:45:20,721
Oh, a gun belt.
Now I know what I'm doing wrong.
939
00:45:20,846 --> 00:45:23,348
Mm-hmm.
940
00:45:23,473 --> 00:45:25,017
Who says you're doing
anything wrong?
941
00:45:27,311 --> 00:45:31,148
Oh, just, you know,
when I go on dates,
942
00:45:31,273 --> 00:45:34,610
uh, I just seem to always
do something wrong.
943
00:45:34,735 --> 00:45:37,070
Yeah. Me too.
944
00:45:37,196 --> 00:45:39,948
My last date, I asked the guy
who, outside the MCU,
945
00:45:40,073 --> 00:45:41,742
could hold Thor's hammer.
946
00:45:41,867 --> 00:45:43,160
Easy. Janet from The Good Place.
947
00:45:45,370 --> 00:45:46,788
Oh, uh...
948
00:45:46,914 --> 00:45:48,373
Oh, there she is. Miss Parsons!
949
00:45:48,498 --> 00:45:50,042
Actually, no,
Can you go around the back?
950
00:45:50,167 --> 00:45:51,293
You need to go around the back.
951
00:45:51,418 --> 00:45:52,628
What's going on?
952
00:45:52,753 --> 00:45:55,005
Miss Parsons! Got it.
953
00:46:01,345 --> 00:46:02,930
Is there something
you're not telling me?
954
00:46:03,055 --> 00:46:04,389
No! Uh, well, yes.
955
00:46:04,515 --> 00:46:06,016
It's just...
It's embarrassing.
956
00:46:08,894 --> 00:46:11,230
Look, it was just a bad day
involving my bad boss
957
00:46:11,355 --> 00:46:12,481
and his bad habits.
958
00:46:12,606 --> 00:46:14,233
I blended up some margaritas,
959
00:46:14,358 --> 00:46:17,528
and before I knew it,
I signed up for online dating.
960
00:46:17,653 --> 00:46:19,530
Not the apps.
Just that I Promise thing.
961
00:46:21,031 --> 00:46:23,450
So you signed up drunk?
962
00:46:23,575 --> 00:46:25,953
Yeah. But that's not
the embarrassing part.
963
00:46:26,078 --> 00:46:27,996
Oh, I mean...
964
00:46:28,121 --> 00:46:29,665
- Just...
- No.
965
00:46:31,834 --> 00:46:35,504
The embarrassing part
is that they rejected me.
966
00:46:37,422 --> 00:46:40,008
Yeah. There I was going lower
than I thought I'd ever go,
967
00:46:40,133 --> 00:46:44,012
and then they said
I was unmatchable, so...
968
00:46:44,137 --> 00:46:45,889
And I got pissed off,
so I wrote a blog about it.
969
00:46:46,014 --> 00:46:47,391
And I didn't expect
anybody to read it,
970
00:46:47,516 --> 00:46:48,892
and then it kind of took off,
971
00:46:49,017 --> 00:46:50,435
and now the company's
calling me a liar.
972
00:46:50,561 --> 00:46:53,313
It's just all gotten
really ugly.
973
00:46:53,438 --> 00:46:55,941
It was like they knew me
and they still thought I sucked.
974
00:46:59,361 --> 00:47:00,487
Well, I...
975
00:47:00,612 --> 00:47:01,864
Yeah.
976
00:47:02,948 --> 00:47:04,199
It's weird. It's fine.
977
00:47:04,324 --> 00:47:05,659
I'm gonna do
an AMA thing tomorrow.
978
00:47:05,784 --> 00:47:06,952
and I'm gonna get everybody
979
00:47:07,077 --> 00:47:08,287
to just stop talking
about it.
980
00:47:08,412 --> 00:47:10,330
I don't want
to talk about it anymore.
981
00:47:10,455 --> 00:47:12,916
You think I'm whacked.
982
00:47:14,751 --> 00:47:16,879
I think you're
a little whacked.
983
00:47:18,255 --> 00:47:19,506
And a little wonderful.
984
00:47:23,635 --> 00:47:26,096
You're really a nice guy,
you know that?
985
00:47:30,225 --> 00:47:32,227
Even if you think Chewie plays
for the home team.
986
00:47:35,147 --> 00:47:37,274
I had lot of fun
with you tonight.
987
00:47:37,399 --> 00:47:38,734
Me too.
988
00:47:48,118 --> 00:47:50,495
Crap. Uh, I got to go.
989
00:48:06,678 --> 00:48:07,888
Anything?
990
00:48:08,013 --> 00:48:09,890
I finally found her application,
991
00:48:10,015 --> 00:48:12,976
but I haven't found any record
that we actually replied to her.
992
00:48:13,101 --> 00:48:15,854
I've been through this
a hundred times.
993
00:48:15,979 --> 00:48:19,191
I thought we auto-checked
and sent replies to everyone.
994
00:48:19,316 --> 00:48:21,568
We did, and I'm telling you, we...
995
00:48:21,693 --> 00:48:24,071
We have no record of sending
a response to her.
996
00:48:24,196 --> 00:48:25,989
A match report, nothing.
997
00:48:26,114 --> 00:48:27,866
Okay, but it's a computer, right?
998
00:48:27,991 --> 00:48:29,493
So all the info is in there.
999
00:48:29,618 --> 00:48:31,537
It's just a matter
of pulling it out, right?
1000
00:48:31,662 --> 00:48:33,455
Thank you, Steve Jobs.
1001
00:48:33,580 --> 00:48:37,125
Riley, just tell us.
1002
00:48:37,251 --> 00:48:39,503
Is it possible
she's telling the truth?
1003
00:48:39,628 --> 00:48:40,796
No.
1004
00:48:40,921 --> 00:48:45,217
No, I-I test everything,
every change.
1005
00:48:45,342 --> 00:48:47,302
There is a very slim chance
1006
00:48:47,427 --> 00:48:49,054
that she didn't receive
any response at all,
1007
00:48:49,179 --> 00:48:52,266
but there is no code in here
to reject her or anyone.
1008
00:48:52,391 --> 00:48:53,642
No way.
1009
00:49:01,358 --> 00:49:02,526
Guess what?
1010
00:49:02,651 --> 00:49:04,319
I'm doing an online talk thing
1011
00:49:04,444 --> 00:49:06,029
Probably gonna tank,
but I bought a new shirt
1012
00:49:06,154 --> 00:49:07,698
just in case.
1013
00:49:07,823 --> 00:49:10,075
What do we think? Hmm?
1014
00:49:10,200 --> 00:49:13,203
And I even put
some eye gunk on.
1015
00:49:13,328 --> 00:49:15,122
Huh.
1016
00:49:15,247 --> 00:49:18,208
But the big news
is I went on a date
1017
00:49:18,333 --> 00:49:19,918
with the fish cowboy.
1018
00:49:20,043 --> 00:49:22,588
I know. I know.
1019
00:49:22,713 --> 00:49:24,882
I really like him.
1020
00:49:25,007 --> 00:49:26,425
So...
1021
00:49:26,550 --> 00:49:28,343
All right, I gotta go.
1022
00:49:28,468 --> 00:49:30,637
Wish me luck.
1023
00:49:37,519 --> 00:49:38,896
Hey.
1024
00:49:39,980 --> 00:49:42,024
Oh, no one showed?
1025
00:49:42,149 --> 00:49:44,109
Yes.
1026
00:49:44,234 --> 00:49:45,652
Nobody cares.
1027
00:49:45,777 --> 00:49:47,029
As predicted.
1028
00:49:49,364 --> 00:49:50,782
What? What's so funny?
1029
00:49:51,783 --> 00:49:53,493
What don't I know?
1030
00:49:53,619 --> 00:49:55,287
It's because LB
set up a waiting room.
1031
00:49:55,412 --> 00:49:56,955
- They're all in there.
- How many people?
1032
00:49:58,248 --> 00:49:59,666
Five... hundred.
1033
00:49:59,791 --> 00:50:01,543
The maximum allowed.
1034
00:50:01,668 --> 00:50:02,794
Filled up over an hour ago.
1035
00:50:02,920 --> 00:50:05,088
No. Not doing it.
1036
00:50:05,214 --> 00:50:06,507
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- I'm not doing it.
1037
00:50:06,632 --> 00:50:08,509
- I don't want to do it.
1038
00:50:08,634 --> 00:50:09,801
That's too much.
I'm not doing it!
1039
00:50:09,927 --> 00:50:11,512
Breathe. You got this.
1040
00:50:11,637 --> 00:50:13,931
I don't know
what I'm gonna say.
1041
00:50:14,056 --> 00:50:16,433
- Didn't you prepare something?
- No, I didn't prepare something.
1042
00:50:16,558 --> 00:50:18,852
I didn't think that far ahead, mentally.
1043
00:50:18,977 --> 00:50:20,521
What's that black shit
on your eyes, dude?
1044
00:50:20,646 --> 00:50:22,356
Shut up!
1045
00:50:22,481 --> 00:50:24,024
I can't do this alone.
1046
00:50:24,149 --> 00:50:26,652
Who says you're doing it alone?
1047
00:50:34,785 --> 00:50:36,036
Okay.
1048
00:50:37,162 --> 00:50:38,413
Okay.
1049
00:50:39,706 --> 00:50:41,500
- Let them in.
- All right.
1050
00:50:50,759 --> 00:50:52,010
I'm good.
1051
00:50:53,220 --> 00:50:54,638
She has a posse?
1052
00:50:54,763 --> 00:50:56,265
For a girl
who can't find a date,
1053
00:50:56,390 --> 00:50:57,933
she's got options.
1054
00:50:58,058 --> 00:50:59,893
They're her friends.
1055
00:51:00,018 --> 00:51:01,812
What? She told me about them.
1056
00:51:03,355 --> 00:51:04,606
Good morning.
1057
00:51:04,731 --> 00:51:06,859
Um, thank you for coming.
1058
00:51:11,655 --> 00:51:13,490
I'm sorry, I'm really nervous.
1059
00:51:13,615 --> 00:51:15,742
I didn't expect so many of you
to show up.
1060
00:51:15,868 --> 00:51:17,870
But, um, as my friends say,
1061
00:51:17,995 --> 00:51:19,746
when you put something
on the Internet,
1062
00:51:19,872 --> 00:51:22,791
you take your chances, right?
1063
00:51:22,916 --> 00:51:24,835
Um, I've had so many
wonderful messages
1064
00:51:24,960 --> 00:51:26,753
from so many of you.
1065
00:51:26,879 --> 00:51:30,591
Uh, I wish that I could just
match you all with one another.
1066
00:51:30,716 --> 00:51:33,844
But I came on here to say that,
thank you,
1067
00:51:33,969 --> 00:51:37,973
but I would like all of this
to stop now, okay?
1068
00:51:39,057 --> 00:51:40,309
Lots of hands up.
1069
00:51:40,434 --> 00:51:42,603
- What?
- Lots of hands up.
1070
00:51:42,728 --> 00:51:44,646
Oh. Oh.
1071
00:51:44,771 --> 00:51:47,691
Okay, uh, yeah. I'll take--
I'll take some questions.
1072
00:51:49,735 --> 00:51:52,404
Kip, Annie, from "Spill the Tea
with Annie Lee."
1073
00:51:52,529 --> 00:51:54,489
We would love to have you
on the show to interview.
1074
00:51:54,615 --> 00:51:56,825
No. Please stop asking.
1075
00:51:56,950 --> 00:51:59,828
It would be so good for your
blog's brand awareness, and--
1076
00:52:04,666 --> 00:52:06,251
Kip, what do you have to say
1077
00:52:06,376 --> 00:52:08,128
to all the other unmatchables
out there?
1078
00:52:08,253 --> 00:52:11,089
Uh, I guess to ignore
labels like that.
1079
00:52:11,215 --> 00:52:13,258
But have you given up on love?
1080
00:52:15,802 --> 00:52:17,721
No, um, I haven't.
1081
00:52:17,846 --> 00:52:22,392
Actually, uh, I met
an amazing guy this week.
1082
00:52:22,518 --> 00:52:25,979
So maybe love can find anyone,
1083
00:52:26,104 --> 00:52:28,440
even us unmatchables.
1084
00:52:30,067 --> 00:52:31,944
Kip, I love your blog.
1085
00:52:32,069 --> 00:52:34,488
I'm definitely
Team Unmatchable.
1086
00:52:34,613 --> 00:52:37,282
Can you tell us what I Promise
said in the rejection email?
1087
00:52:42,913 --> 00:52:46,917
You know what? I'd rather not
relive that particular moment.
1088
00:52:47,918 --> 00:52:49,378
Oh.
1089
00:52:49,503 --> 00:52:51,922
Kip, is online dating a scam?
1090
00:52:52,047 --> 00:52:54,424
Look, we are the online
generation, right?
1091
00:52:54,550 --> 00:52:57,803
We work, and shop, watch movies,
1092
00:52:57,928 --> 00:53:00,848
and express ourselves creatively.
1093
00:53:00,973 --> 00:53:03,684
Some of us
maybe a bit too much.
1094
00:53:03,809 --> 00:53:07,437
Uh, so I think that you can
find love online,
1095
00:53:07,563 --> 00:53:10,232
I just think you might want
to use a different company
1096
00:53:10,357 --> 00:53:12,234
than I Promise.
1097
00:53:12,359 --> 00:53:14,278
Go.
1098
00:53:16,655 --> 00:53:19,157
Kip Parsons?
1099
00:53:19,283 --> 00:53:20,868
- You've been served.
- What?
1100
00:53:23,871 --> 00:53:25,455
It's a temporary
restraining order
1101
00:53:25,581 --> 00:53:28,750
barring you from discussing
I Promise or risk arrest.
1102
00:53:41,597 --> 00:53:43,307
What did you do?
1103
00:53:44,683 --> 00:53:46,268
Riley, you said it yourself.
1104
00:53:46,393 --> 00:53:47,728
Either she believes
she was rejected,
1105
00:53:47,853 --> 00:53:50,105
or else she's a master liar.
1106
00:53:50,230 --> 00:53:53,066
In either case,
she's a very troubled girl.
1107
00:53:53,192 --> 00:53:55,527
And this is how you thought
you'd help her?
1108
00:53:55,652 --> 00:53:57,613
After I explicitly
asked you not to?
1109
00:53:57,738 --> 00:54:00,741
She's gonna destroy our business
if we don't stop her.
1110
00:54:00,866 --> 00:54:03,160
Dad ran the numbers,
and it's not good.
1111
00:54:04,244 --> 00:54:05,704
Let me ask you something,
1112
00:54:05,829 --> 00:54:07,831
since we're talking about truth.
1113
00:54:07,956 --> 00:54:09,499
When was the last time we once,
1114
00:54:09,625 --> 00:54:13,712
just once told her the truth
about who we are?
1115
00:54:13,837 --> 00:54:15,005
About who I am?
1116
00:54:15,130 --> 00:54:16,673
Those were business decisions.
1117
00:54:16,798 --> 00:54:18,675
Well, when did we become
that kind of business, Dad?
1118
00:54:23,430 --> 00:54:24,681
No, you know what?
1119
00:54:26,308 --> 00:54:27,726
I started this company
1120
00:54:27,851 --> 00:54:29,436
because I was so tired
1121
00:54:29,561 --> 00:54:31,772
of working for shitty,
sleazy people.
1122
00:54:31,897 --> 00:54:33,857
And now here I am,
working with more--
1123
00:54:33,982 --> 00:54:35,651
Riley.
1124
00:54:35,776 --> 00:54:37,277
You're fired.
You're all fired.
1125
00:54:37,402 --> 00:54:38,737
Hey, hey, Riley, come on.
1126
00:54:38,862 --> 00:54:41,406
No, I'm serious.
You're fired. Go.
1127
00:54:41,532 --> 00:54:42,699
I mean it. Go.
1128
00:54:42,824 --> 00:54:44,076
Leave.
1129
00:54:53,168 --> 00:54:54,670
- Hey, Law Order girl.
- Hmm?
1130
00:54:54,795 --> 00:54:56,463
- Did you check your code in yet?
- Tomorrow.
1131
00:54:56,588 --> 00:54:58,507
I'm reading about
temporary restraining orders.
1132
00:54:58,632 --> 00:55:00,509
Is this your first?
1133
00:55:00,634 --> 00:55:02,135
Yes.
1134
00:55:03,720 --> 00:55:05,639
Are they really
gonna send me to jail?
1135
00:55:05,764 --> 00:55:08,642
Well, not if you avoid
saying "I Promise."
1136
00:55:08,767 --> 00:55:11,645
Which you could do by staying
in your cube and working.
1137
00:55:11,770 --> 00:55:14,106
Hey, dude, dude.
You got to get on Twitter.
1138
00:55:14,231 --> 00:55:16,775
If I wanted to listen to people
yell, I'd go visit my parents.
1139
00:55:16,900 --> 00:55:18,652
Look, look, look.
1140
00:55:18,777 --> 00:55:21,822
Some guy named Michael Rex
made a fan account for you.
1141
00:55:21,947 --> 00:55:24,575
Look, it has 92,000 followers already.
1142
00:55:24,700 --> 00:55:26,410
Michael Rex?
1143
00:55:26,535 --> 00:55:29,746
Oh, I dated this guy in college
for, like, five minutes.
1144
00:55:29,872 --> 00:55:33,709
You better hope he doesn't have
any indiscreet pictures of you.
1145
00:55:33,834 --> 00:55:36,670
- Ooh, does he?
- No! Jeez.
1146
00:55:44,261 --> 00:55:45,596
Are any of those important?
1147
00:55:45,721 --> 00:55:48,098
No, it's just guys
asking me for dates.
1148
00:55:48,223 --> 00:55:49,683
And they all send pictures.
1149
00:55:49,808 --> 00:55:51,518
Any decent ones?
1150
00:55:51,643 --> 00:55:53,812
You tell me.
1151
00:55:53,937 --> 00:55:55,731
- Oh!
- The hell's wrong with you?
1152
00:55:55,856 --> 00:55:58,942
You cannot show us some dude's
tackle without warning.
1153
00:55:59,067 --> 00:56:01,320
Oh, really? That's the sound
of every woman on the Internet
1154
00:56:01,445 --> 00:56:03,197
rolling her eyes.
1155
00:56:03,322 --> 00:56:04,907
Seriously, Kip,
you gotta delete those.
1156
00:56:05,032 --> 00:56:07,659
You can't have pictures
like that on your work computer.
1157
00:56:07,784 --> 00:56:09,703
Oi, oi. Pictures like what?
1158
00:56:09,828 --> 00:56:10,954
Nothing.
1159
00:56:11,079 --> 00:56:12,331
Are they naughty ones?
1160
00:56:12,456 --> 00:56:14,082
Ugh.
1161
00:56:19,505 --> 00:56:21,089
Are your 15 minutes up yet?
1162
00:56:21,215 --> 00:56:22,966
Marco, I never intended--
1163
00:56:23,091 --> 00:56:26,011
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
1164
00:56:26,136 --> 00:56:27,930
You're not a victim.
1165
00:56:28,055 --> 00:56:29,264
You set this into motion,
1166
00:56:29,389 --> 00:56:31,517
and you kept it up
at every turn.
1167
00:56:31,642 --> 00:56:33,227
I don't know if you're doing it
to spite me,
1168
00:56:33,352 --> 00:56:34,478
or you just want attention.
1169
00:56:34,603 --> 00:56:35,729
I give up, Marco.
1170
00:56:35,854 --> 00:56:37,814
How is this possibly about you?
1171
00:56:37,940 --> 00:56:39,816
It is about me,
1172
00:56:39,942 --> 00:56:41,485
because we're releasing tomorrow,
1173
00:56:41,610 --> 00:56:44,029
and you still haven't checked in
your code for the build.
1174
00:56:44,154 --> 00:56:45,906
And that, sweetheart,
1175
00:56:46,031 --> 00:56:49,785
has everything to do with me
and my department.
1176
00:56:53,080 --> 00:56:54,623
You're right.
1177
00:56:54,748 --> 00:56:56,917
I'm gonna work all night.
I'll get it done.
1178
00:57:49,344 --> 00:57:50,971
Hey. What are you doing here?
1179
00:57:51,096 --> 00:57:53,182
Oh, I am taking you to dinner?
1180
00:57:55,851 --> 00:57:57,728
Ugh, 404. I have a deadline.
1181
00:57:57,853 --> 00:57:59,271
Come on, it'll be fast.
1182
00:57:59,396 --> 00:58:02,816
We can go get sushi.
1183
00:58:02,941 --> 00:58:04,735
You're over-embracing
this fish theme a little bit.
1184
00:58:04,860 --> 00:58:06,653
Please come out with me.
I just...
1185
00:58:06,778 --> 00:58:07,946
I'd love to talk to you,
1186
00:58:08,071 --> 00:58:09,907
and I'll bring you right back.
1187
00:58:10,032 --> 00:58:13,160
We'll get takeout,
and then... yeah.
1188
00:58:15,871 --> 00:58:18,081
Okay.
1189
00:58:26,757 --> 00:58:28,091
Crap. You're married?
1190
00:58:28,217 --> 00:58:29,927
- No.
- Gay?
1191
00:58:30,052 --> 00:58:32,804
Ryan Reynolds confuses me,
but no.
1192
00:58:32,930 --> 00:58:35,015
Convicted felon?
1193
00:58:35,140 --> 00:58:36,642
Not convicted.
1194
00:58:39,645 --> 00:58:41,522
Oh, this is a friend-zoning
session, isn't it?
1195
00:58:41,647 --> 00:58:43,732
No. No, absolutely not.
1196
00:58:51,573 --> 00:58:53,909
Listen, just hear me out, okay?
1197
00:58:54,034 --> 00:58:55,702
Two years ago,
1198
00:58:55,827 --> 00:58:57,996
I quit my awful job
working with awful people
1199
00:58:58,121 --> 00:59:00,999
because I wanted
to start my own company.
1200
00:59:01,124 --> 00:59:03,377
And when I left my awful job,
1201
00:59:03,502 --> 00:59:05,254
I told myself
that from here on out,
1202
00:59:05,379 --> 00:59:06,839
I only wanted
to work with people
1203
00:59:06,964 --> 00:59:08,131
who were super talented,
1204
00:59:08,257 --> 00:59:10,968
but also ethical people, right?
1205
00:59:11,093 --> 00:59:14,221
So I hired my mom and dad.
1206
00:59:14,346 --> 00:59:17,057
And I hired my brother
and his husband.
1207
00:59:18,392 --> 00:59:19,893
And it was great.
1208
00:59:22,604 --> 00:59:26,608
But then today, I-I realized
we've become a company
1209
00:59:26,733 --> 00:59:29,027
that I hate.
1210
00:59:31,530 --> 00:59:32,823
And, um...
1211
00:59:34,199 --> 00:59:35,993
I fired everyone.
1212
00:59:36,118 --> 00:59:38,078
Whoa.
1213
00:59:38,203 --> 00:59:39,913
And the reason I'm telling you
this is because...
1214
00:59:40,038 --> 00:59:41,540
- Oh, my God.
1215
00:59:44,418 --> 00:59:45,878
Hold on one second.
I'm sorry.
1216
00:59:47,671 --> 00:59:49,548
Hey, look,
I don't want to talk about it.
1217
00:59:52,634 --> 00:59:53,886
Which hospital?
1218
00:59:54,970 --> 00:59:56,388
Okay, I'm on my way.
1219
00:59:56,513 --> 00:59:57,931
Is everything okay?
1220
00:59:58,056 --> 01:00:00,100
Um, no.
1221
01:00:08,358 --> 01:00:10,944
Um, you can take the car
to get home.
1222
01:00:11,069 --> 01:00:12,696
No, it's okay.
I take the bus all the time.
1223
01:00:12,821 --> 01:00:14,448
Don't worry about it.
Get in there.
1224
01:00:16,074 --> 01:00:17,951
Oh, Riley. Riley.
1225
01:00:23,540 --> 01:00:24,875
Riley?
1226
01:00:31,048 --> 01:00:32,299
Riley.
1227
01:00:34,927 --> 01:00:37,012
The good news is that
she didn't have a stroke.
1228
01:00:37,137 --> 01:00:39,223
- They're still running tests--
- Riley.
1229
01:00:39,348 --> 01:00:41,141
What the hell is she doing here?
1230
01:00:41,266 --> 01:00:43,185
- Dad, she doesn't know.
- Hey, you dropped your phone.
1231
01:00:43,310 --> 01:00:44,520
Thanks. Um...
1232
01:00:44,645 --> 01:00:45,771
I think you need to leave.
1233
01:00:45,896 --> 01:00:47,189
You know what? Don't worry.
1234
01:00:47,314 --> 01:00:49,316
I'll-I'll-I'll just, uh...
1235
01:00:49,441 --> 01:00:51,527
- I'll explain it to you later.
- Okay.
1236
01:00:51,652 --> 01:00:52,945
I'll...
1237
01:00:54,279 --> 01:00:55,781
- I'll call you soon.
- Sure.
1238
01:00:55,906 --> 01:00:57,533
What are you doing here?
1239
01:00:58,534 --> 01:01:00,244
How's Mom?
1240
01:01:01,495 --> 01:01:03,997
Mom?
1241
01:01:04,122 --> 01:01:05,874
- Kip, I can explain.
- Mom?
1242
01:01:07,626 --> 01:01:09,294
- Oh, no.
- Kip, no, let me explain.
1243
01:01:09,419 --> 01:01:11,004
- This is...
- Oh, I'm so stupid.
1244
01:01:11,129 --> 01:01:12,881
- No, no.
- I'm so stupid.
1245
01:01:13,006 --> 01:01:14,758
Kip!
1246
01:01:14,883 --> 01:01:19,847
♪ I'll be always falling ♪
1247
01:01:20,347 --> 01:01:21,849
♪ Yeah ♪
1248
01:01:21,974 --> 01:01:26,937
♪ Only to rise
And fall again ♪
1249
01:01:28,647 --> 01:01:30,649
Kip. Hi.
1250
01:01:30,774 --> 01:01:32,609
I'm Raina from...
1251
01:01:32,734 --> 01:01:34,152
Spilling the Tea with Annie Lee.
1252
01:01:34,278 --> 01:01:35,571
Yeah, yeah, I know.
1253
01:01:38,532 --> 01:01:40,242
Are you my stalker now?
1254
01:01:42,870 --> 01:01:44,538
Look, she's doing
a show tomorrow...
1255
01:01:45,539 --> 01:01:46,915
Actually, today.
1256
01:01:47,040 --> 01:01:48,876
...and she is desperate
to have you on.
1257
01:01:49,001 --> 01:01:51,044
I have a restraining order
against me right now,
1258
01:01:51,170 --> 01:01:54,006
which is a sentence I never
thought I would say in my life.
1259
01:01:54,131 --> 01:01:58,302
But the result is, I will not
be spilling any tea.
1260
01:01:58,427 --> 01:02:01,722
Okay, but you don't have
to mention I Promise.
1261
01:02:01,847 --> 01:02:05,851
Just... just talk about
the challenges of finding love
1262
01:02:05,976 --> 01:02:07,561
as a woman in this digital age.
1263
01:02:07,686 --> 01:02:09,146
Raina, I'm not good
at this stuff.
1264
01:02:09,271 --> 01:02:10,689
I get really wound up,
1265
01:02:10,814 --> 01:02:12,566
and then I just say things
I don't want to,
1266
01:02:12,691 --> 01:02:14,693
and I get into a situation
I don't want to be in.
1267
01:02:14,818 --> 01:02:17,362
Yeah, and that's why
people love you.
1268
01:02:19,489 --> 01:02:22,659
Kip, you speak
so many people's truths.
1269
01:02:22,784 --> 01:02:25,370
They're listening.
You should use your voice.
1270
01:02:25,495 --> 01:02:26,747
Are those Croc earrings?
1271
01:02:28,707 --> 01:02:30,167
Yeah. I love Crocs.
1272
01:02:30,292 --> 01:02:32,211
Don't tell my boss.
She would kill me.
1273
01:02:38,300 --> 01:02:39,676
Okay, I'll make a deal.
1274
01:02:39,801 --> 01:02:42,346
I have a friend.
His name is Sanjay.
1275
01:02:42,471 --> 01:02:45,766
He is a really sweet guy
with a good heart.
1276
01:02:45,891 --> 01:02:48,393
You go for a coffee with him,
I'll do your show.
1277
01:02:52,856 --> 01:02:54,816
- Just coffee?
- Just coffee.
1278
01:02:54,942 --> 01:02:56,818
And if I check
offender databases?
1279
01:02:56,944 --> 01:02:59,446
Oh, my God, no.
Not there. I swear.
1280
01:03:00,739 --> 01:03:02,366
Deal?
1281
01:03:06,745 --> 01:03:08,080
Okay. Yes.
1282
01:03:08,205 --> 01:03:10,249
- Yes. Deal.
- Great.
1283
01:03:10,374 --> 01:03:11,708
Go home.
1284
01:03:14,837 --> 01:03:17,464
- Hey, Kip?
- Yes?
1285
01:03:17,589 --> 01:03:20,551
What happened
to that nice guy you met?
1286
01:03:23,095 --> 01:03:24,429
Uh...
1287
01:03:28,725 --> 01:03:30,269
turned out he wasn't that nice.
1288
01:03:45,784 --> 01:03:47,077
Come on.
1289
01:03:48,412 --> 01:03:49,746
Come on.
1290
01:03:53,458 --> 01:03:54,918
You know, Jones,
in retrospect,
1291
01:03:55,043 --> 01:03:58,881
this has been the crappiest day
of my life.
1292
01:04:01,884 --> 01:04:04,636
But I know what you're thinking.
1293
01:04:04,761 --> 01:04:06,096
"Suck it up, Kipper,
1294
01:04:06,221 --> 01:04:08,265
and get me a grape."
1295
01:04:12,561 --> 01:04:13,812
Jones?
1296
01:04:16,773 --> 01:04:18,650
No, no, no, no, no.
1297
01:04:20,736 --> 01:04:21,862
No.
1298
01:04:23,238 --> 01:04:24,489
No.
1299
01:04:25,782 --> 01:04:27,201
Jones.
1300
01:04:58,148 --> 01:04:59,816
I can't believe you're not
going to fight this.
1301
01:04:59,942 --> 01:05:01,735
I missed the deadline.
1302
01:05:01,860 --> 01:05:03,195
We all miss deadlines.
1303
01:05:03,320 --> 01:05:05,030
There were naked guys
on my computer.
1304
01:05:05,155 --> 01:05:08,534
We all have naked guys
on our computers.
1305
01:05:08,659 --> 01:05:12,621
Look, my Internet presence
was becoming disruptive.
1306
01:05:12,746 --> 01:05:15,165
Come on, guys,
this was inevitable.
1307
01:05:15,290 --> 01:05:16,875
Marco read some management book
1308
01:05:17,000 --> 01:05:18,877
about getting rid
of the competition,
1309
01:05:19,002 --> 01:05:20,379
and I just gave him
a way to do it.
1310
01:05:20,504 --> 01:05:21,755
Because firing our favorite lead
1311
01:05:21,880 --> 01:05:24,466
is the best way
to rally the team.
1312
01:05:24,591 --> 01:05:27,261
Hey, Kip, you know,
I'm old enough
1313
01:05:27,386 --> 01:05:29,096
to have been there
for "fight the power"
1314
01:05:29,221 --> 01:05:31,348
and "stick it to the man."
1315
01:05:31,473 --> 01:05:33,350
Are you sure
about doing this show?
1316
01:05:33,475 --> 01:05:35,894
You know, you talk about
wanting this all to be over,
1317
01:05:36,019 --> 01:05:37,771
and then you turn around
and poke the bear again.
1318
01:05:37,896 --> 01:05:39,398
Well, Meta, I made a promise,
1319
01:05:39,523 --> 01:05:41,984
and there's nothing else
left to lose.
1320
01:05:42,109 --> 01:05:43,527
Look at me.
1321
01:05:43,652 --> 01:05:46,321
There's always more to lose.
1322
01:05:46,446 --> 01:05:48,615
Always.
1323
01:06:00,252 --> 01:06:02,296
Be nice to the replacement, okay?
1324
01:06:05,507 --> 01:06:06,884
And clean your desk
from time to time,
1325
01:06:07,009 --> 01:06:09,261
- for everyone's sake.
- I will.
1326
01:06:11,680 --> 01:06:13,765
A woman named Raina
will text you.
1327
01:06:13,891 --> 01:06:17,311
Go out with her.
Please wear matching socks.
1328
01:06:23,150 --> 01:06:25,819
I'm gonna miss you most of all, Scarecrow.
1329
01:06:27,696 --> 01:06:29,114
Ah, you'll be back.
You'll see.
1330
01:06:30,199 --> 01:06:32,534
So I'm just gonna say, uh,
1331
01:06:32,659 --> 01:06:34,411
"See you later, kiddo."
1332
01:06:57,309 --> 01:06:59,061
I got fired,
1333
01:06:59,186 --> 01:07:02,022
so I won't be able to see you
every morning anymore.
1334
01:07:05,484 --> 01:07:06,735
Okay then.
1335
01:07:08,654 --> 01:07:10,822
It's been really nice chatting
to you for all these years.
1336
01:07:10,948 --> 01:07:12,574
I mean,
I'm gonna come by when I can,
1337
01:07:12,699 --> 01:07:14,868
it just won't be every morning.
1338
01:07:23,460 --> 01:07:25,546
You know, right now would be
a really good time
1339
01:07:25,671 --> 01:07:27,631
for, like, a Yoda moment.
1340
01:07:27,756 --> 01:07:29,550
Or some advice?
1341
01:07:30,717 --> 01:07:31,969
Anything?
1342
01:07:36,807 --> 01:07:38,058
Cool.
1343
01:07:47,818 --> 01:07:50,654
Gentlemen, gentlemen, gentlemen.
1344
01:07:50,779 --> 01:07:53,949
Now, I know you're upset
about me letting Kip go,
1345
01:07:54,074 --> 01:07:55,951
but I'm still your boss.
1346
01:07:58,620 --> 01:08:01,707
Giving me the Gandhi treatment
ain't a power move here.
1347
01:08:01,832 --> 01:08:04,001
I can fire you all.
1348
01:08:04,126 --> 01:08:06,670
You know, as soon as the next
release is out.
1349
01:08:06,795 --> 01:08:10,632
And, and, and you train
your replacements.
1350
01:08:13,969 --> 01:08:15,345
Guys?
1351
01:08:16,972 --> 01:08:18,432
Guys?
1352
01:08:18,557 --> 01:08:21,602
Guys, look,
this is just childish.
1353
01:08:27,858 --> 01:08:31,111
Well, uh,
it's good we had this talk.
1354
01:08:31,236 --> 01:08:33,947
So... yeah.
1355
01:08:34,072 --> 01:08:36,742
Yeah, get back to work.
1356
01:08:36,867 --> 01:08:38,285
And you too.
1357
01:08:44,041 --> 01:08:47,002
Is calling me Gandhi racist?
1358
01:08:47,127 --> 01:08:48,795
I like how he said
he let her go,
1359
01:08:48,921 --> 01:08:51,715
like she was trapped and
he released her into the wild.
1360
01:08:51,840 --> 01:08:55,010
You fired her,
you bearded fruit bat!
1361
01:08:55,135 --> 01:08:57,054
Hey, your car got
a big trunk, right?
1362
01:08:57,179 --> 01:08:58,931
Um, ahem, hello.
1363
01:08:59,056 --> 01:09:01,183
Uh, is-- Is Kip Parsons here?
1364
01:09:01,308 --> 01:09:04,269
Nope. Not since they fired her.
1365
01:09:05,312 --> 01:09:06,438
She got fired?
1366
01:09:06,563 --> 01:09:08,232
Who are you?
1367
01:09:08,357 --> 01:09:10,484
My name's Riley Detamore.
1368
01:09:10,609 --> 01:09:13,820
I'm... Well, I guess
I'm kind of a friend...
1369
01:09:16,573 --> 01:09:18,492
Uh, nice chicken.
1370
01:09:18,617 --> 01:09:21,411
That's Grimaldi QR model?
1371
01:09:27,709 --> 01:09:29,837
We love meeting couples
who have found love,
1372
01:09:29,962 --> 01:09:32,673
but remember, not everyone
gets a happy ending.
1373
01:09:32,798 --> 01:09:35,634
- Stop fidgeting.
- Our next guest...
1374
01:09:35,759 --> 01:09:36,885
You look beautiful.
1375
01:09:37,010 --> 01:09:38,470
I feel awkward.
1376
01:09:38,595 --> 01:09:39,721
Graceful.
1377
01:09:39,847 --> 01:09:40,973
Dorky.
1378
01:09:42,349 --> 01:09:44,434
- Like a gazelle.
- Hmm.
1379
01:09:44,560 --> 01:09:47,187
Just remember, you're live.
Watch what you're saying.
1380
01:09:47,312 --> 01:09:49,064
Got it.
1381
01:09:49,189 --> 01:09:52,401
Please welcome my special guest,
Kip Parsons.
1382
01:09:52,526 --> 01:09:54,903
Oh, wait. Any bats in the cave?
1383
01:09:56,822 --> 01:09:58,782
All clear.
1384
01:10:00,993 --> 01:10:04,705
Thanks to Wild Mountain Chai
for providing us
with our tea today.
1385
01:10:04,830 --> 01:10:07,624
You can taste the mountain air
in every sip.
1386
01:10:07,749 --> 01:10:09,751
Oh, and please don't forget
to subscribe.
1387
01:10:11,420 --> 01:10:12,963
Kip, it's lovely
1388
01:10:13,088 --> 01:10:14,882
to finally put a face
to your name.
1389
01:10:15,007 --> 01:10:17,217
- Many of us unmatchables...
- She almost looks like a...
1390
01:10:17,342 --> 01:10:18,468
...feel like we know you already.
1391
01:10:18,594 --> 01:10:19,720
...like a girl.
1392
01:10:19,845 --> 01:10:20,971
How has this all been for you?
1393
01:10:21,096 --> 01:10:22,264
She looks beautiful.
1394
01:10:22,389 --> 01:10:23,640
Shut up.
1395
01:10:23,765 --> 01:10:25,350
- Guys, grow up.
- I bet.
1396
01:10:25,475 --> 01:10:27,895
You've gone from lowly
computer programmer
1397
01:10:28,020 --> 01:10:30,772
to woman's spokesperson
in a week.
1398
01:10:30,898 --> 01:10:32,733
Of course, as you know,
the dating service...
1399
01:10:32,858 --> 01:10:34,693
Which I cannot name.
1400
01:10:34,818 --> 01:10:36,820
...because they're taking
legal action against you...
1401
01:10:36,945 --> 01:10:39,406
Okay, you are ready to go,
but we have some things
to go over.
1402
01:10:41,200 --> 01:10:43,118
I'm sure you've heard
the rumors.
1403
01:10:44,328 --> 01:10:45,746
You can't actually prove
1404
01:10:45,871 --> 01:10:47,581
that the dating service
rejected you.
1405
01:10:47,706 --> 01:10:49,917
Uh, I could.
1406
01:10:50,042 --> 01:10:51,960
But why should I have to?
1407
01:10:52,085 --> 01:10:53,629
Well, see, you keep dodging
the question,
1408
01:10:53,754 --> 01:10:54,922
and that makes me question
1409
01:10:55,047 --> 01:10:56,381
whether it really happened,
1410
01:10:56,507 --> 01:11:00,636
or whether this
is a publicity stunt.
1411
01:11:01,762 --> 01:11:03,138
Publicity for what?
1412
01:11:03,263 --> 01:11:05,224
I'm-I'm...
1413
01:11:05,349 --> 01:11:06,725
I'm just a normal person.
1414
01:11:06,850 --> 01:11:08,519
I'm not trying
to sell anything.
1415
01:11:08,644 --> 01:11:10,395
But why would I Promise
come after you
1416
01:11:10,521 --> 01:11:12,147
unless they knew you couldn't
back up your claims?
1417
01:11:14,983 --> 01:11:17,110
You know why, Annie?
1418
01:11:17,236 --> 01:11:21,782
Big guys taking on the one
person telling the truth.
1419
01:11:21,907 --> 01:11:23,283
It happens every day,
1420
01:11:23,408 --> 01:11:25,077
and it's so easy
to hide behind lawyers,
1421
01:11:25,202 --> 01:11:27,412
and getting other people
to do your dirty work.
1422
01:11:27,538 --> 01:11:30,666
I'm standing here, alone,
talking about my experiences,
1423
01:11:30,791 --> 01:11:32,751
and I'm the one
going to court.
1424
01:11:32,876 --> 01:11:34,753
And she's off.
1425
01:11:34,878 --> 01:11:36,713
I mean, Dirk didn't serve me
those papers.
1426
01:11:36,839 --> 01:11:39,132
He knew where I was.
And his brother Riley,
1427
01:11:39,258 --> 01:11:40,676
he definitely knew.
1428
01:11:40,801 --> 01:11:42,219
But they were too afraid
1429
01:11:42,344 --> 01:11:44,179
to man up and face me.
1430
01:11:44,304 --> 01:11:46,265
You know what?
Just once, Annie, just once,
1431
01:11:46,390 --> 01:11:48,684
I would like to see someone
from that company say,
1432
01:11:48,809 --> 01:11:51,103
"Hey, we made a mistake.
We're sorry."
1433
01:11:51,228 --> 01:11:52,729
But they will never do that.
1434
01:11:52,855 --> 01:11:54,356
Because that's not
the kind of people they are,
1435
01:11:54,481 --> 01:11:56,525
and it's not the kind of company
I Promise is.
1436
01:11:57,901 --> 01:11:59,027
No. Stop!
1437
01:11:59,152 --> 01:12:00,612
Kip Parsons...
1438
01:12:02,906 --> 01:12:05,117
you're under arrest for
violating a restraining order.
1439
01:12:06,493 --> 01:12:08,203
Oh, no.
1440
01:12:08,328 --> 01:12:09,830
Did you know about this?
1441
01:12:11,582 --> 01:12:12,833
No, I...
1442
01:12:18,213 --> 01:12:19,506
I...
1443
01:12:19,631 --> 01:12:21,175
I don't know what to say.
1444
01:12:21,300 --> 01:12:22,843
I...
1445
01:12:22,968 --> 01:12:25,053
We're gonna end it here
for us today,
1446
01:12:25,179 --> 01:12:28,140
and I will report back once
I get to the bottom of this.
1447
01:12:28,265 --> 01:12:29,391
Wait.- [Annie] I'm Annie Lee.
1448
01:12:29,516 --> 01:12:30,684
Aren't you supposed to explain
1449
01:12:30,809 --> 01:12:33,312
the discharge plan to me?
1450
01:12:34,855 --> 01:12:37,441
Figure it out yourself.
It's not that hard.
1451
01:12:37,566 --> 01:12:39,151
I promise.
1452
01:12:45,324 --> 01:12:46,992
Oh, my God, Annie.
1453
01:12:47,117 --> 01:12:48,994
Where did the cops come from?
I-I didn't let them in.
1454
01:12:49,119 --> 01:12:50,495
I'm so sorry.
1455
01:12:50,621 --> 01:12:52,164
They were in my back room
the whole time.
1456
01:12:54,666 --> 01:12:58,045
Wait, you set this all up?
1457
01:12:58,170 --> 01:12:59,963
I knew she wouldn't be able
to keep her mouth shut.
1458
01:13:00,088 --> 01:13:01,507
I was counting on it.
1459
01:13:01,632 --> 01:13:03,509
Now I'm gonna go watch
my view count go up.
1460
01:13:45,425 --> 01:13:47,052
Y'all have fun now.
1461
01:14:07,739 --> 01:14:09,324
- I need to talk to her.
- Yeah, well,
1462
01:14:09,449 --> 01:14:11,118
only a lawyer can get in
to talk to her now.
1463
01:14:14,496 --> 01:14:15,998
Maybe it's time
she got a lawyer.
1464
01:14:25,674 --> 01:14:27,885
Funeral home's two doors down.
1465
01:14:28,010 --> 01:14:30,470
Uh, we're actually
Kip Parsons' attorneys.
1466
01:14:39,021 --> 01:14:40,272
Firm?
1467
01:14:45,277 --> 01:14:47,529
Dorkus...
1468
01:14:47,654 --> 01:14:48,864
Knapsack...
1469
01:14:48,989 --> 01:14:50,115
Ruffles...
1470
01:14:50,240 --> 01:14:51,617
and Crocs.
1471
01:15:05,422 --> 01:15:06,798
That's good.
1472
01:15:06,924 --> 01:15:09,635
You know, I call my ex
"the appendix."
1473
01:15:09,760 --> 01:15:11,595
He caused me a lot of pain,
1474
01:15:11,720 --> 01:15:13,180
gave me a few scars,
1475
01:15:13,305 --> 01:15:14,640
but once he was gone,
1476
01:15:14,765 --> 01:15:16,141
I figured out
I didn't need him anyway.
1477
01:15:18,101 --> 01:15:19,478
Okay, okay, I have one.
1478
01:15:19,603 --> 01:15:22,814
straight or gay?
1479
01:15:22,940 --> 01:15:24,274
Straight.
1480
01:15:24,399 --> 01:15:25,567
- Yes.
- Oh, man!
1481
01:15:25,692 --> 01:15:27,444
- And that gun belt?
1482
01:15:27,569 --> 01:15:29,071
- Come on, now.
- Damn.
1483
01:15:29,196 --> 01:15:30,864
That's what I said!
1484
01:15:30,989 --> 01:15:32,783
Kip Parsons?
1485
01:15:32,908 --> 01:15:34,326
- Yeah?
- Your lawyer's here.
1486
01:15:35,702 --> 01:15:36,828
What? I don't have a lawyer.
1487
01:15:36,954 --> 01:15:39,957
Well, now you got a whole firm.
1488
01:15:40,082 --> 01:15:43,001
Oh, my God, guys!
1489
01:15:43,126 --> 01:15:44,878
This has been crazy.
1490
01:15:45,003 --> 01:15:46,672
So, what's the plan?
1491
01:15:54,888 --> 01:15:57,015
- Meta...
- It's gonna be okay.
1492
01:15:58,392 --> 01:15:59,726
We'll, uh...
1493
01:15:59,852 --> 01:16:01,395
We'll wait outside.
1494
01:16:04,648 --> 01:16:05,816
Kip, we gotta get you
out of here.
1495
01:16:05,941 --> 01:16:07,067
Well, you put me in here.
1496
01:16:07,192 --> 01:16:08,402
No, it...
1497
01:16:08,527 --> 01:16:09,736
It was my parents.
It wasn't me.
1498
01:16:09,862 --> 01:16:11,864
And that's because
they were scared
1499
01:16:11,989 --> 01:16:13,115
and they didn't know you.
1500
01:16:13,240 --> 01:16:14,867
Oh, okay. And you do?
1501
01:16:14,992 --> 01:16:17,077
You're just like me.
1502
01:16:20,330 --> 01:16:22,165
- Kip, you got to believe me.
- Why?
1503
01:16:22,291 --> 01:16:25,169
Riley, you lied to me.
Over and over.
1504
01:16:25,294 --> 01:16:27,171
What I told you was true.
1505
01:16:27,296 --> 01:16:31,133
Okay, I used to work for this
super sleazy dating app company,
1506
01:16:31,258 --> 01:16:32,801
and I left to start my own
1507
01:16:32,926 --> 01:16:34,720
because I wanted to build
something with integrity.
1508
01:16:34,845 --> 01:16:38,182
So I coded everything,
you know, from the ground up.
1509
01:16:38,307 --> 01:16:40,976
And that's how I know
that you didn't get rejected.
1510
01:16:41,101 --> 01:16:42,477
And it's okay
that you made that up.
1511
01:16:42,603 --> 01:16:43,854
I didn't make it up!
1512
01:16:45,397 --> 01:16:46,940
I didn't make it up.
1513
01:16:48,192 --> 01:16:49,401
And if you think I made it up,
1514
01:16:49,526 --> 01:16:52,696
then you don't know me at all.
1515
01:16:55,365 --> 01:16:57,367
- Kip, I--
- I should have gotten the dog.
1516
01:16:59,119 --> 01:17:00,954
He would have been
more trustworthy.
1517
01:17:06,502 --> 01:17:07,711
Uh, there's been a mistake.
1518
01:17:07,836 --> 01:17:09,880
They're not on my side, so...
1519
01:17:15,761 --> 01:17:17,262
You fired them all?
1520
01:17:17,387 --> 01:17:20,641
- I fired them all.
1521
01:17:20,766 --> 01:17:22,351
You think they'll be
at the hearing tomorrow?
1522
01:17:22,476 --> 01:17:24,019
Yeah. Probably. Oh, hey.
1523
01:17:24,144 --> 01:17:26,438
Oh, all right. Have fun.
1524
01:17:26,563 --> 01:17:27,940
You should have gotten
a smaller dog.
1525
01:17:28,065 --> 01:17:29,525
Yeah.
1526
01:17:31,151 --> 01:17:32,528
Remember when that used to be
1527
01:17:32,653 --> 01:17:34,154
your standard
placeholder error message?
1528
01:17:35,155 --> 01:17:36,907
Stack overflow.
1529
01:17:37,032 --> 01:17:38,283
Get a dog.
1530
01:17:39,576 --> 01:17:41,370
Null pointer exception?
1531
01:17:41,495 --> 01:17:42,663
"Get a dog."
1532
01:17:44,915 --> 01:17:46,542
Holy shit balls.
1533
01:17:46,667 --> 01:17:48,293
What?
1534
01:17:48,418 --> 01:17:50,170
Come on, I need your help.
1535
01:17:52,172 --> 01:17:53,590
Excuse me.
1536
01:17:58,971 --> 01:18:00,722
All rise.
1537
01:18:06,353 --> 01:18:09,439
The Honorable Judge Wilks presiding.
1538
01:18:13,777 --> 01:18:15,028
Be seated.
1539
01:18:18,782 --> 01:18:20,367
Well, I've got to be honest.
1540
01:18:20,492 --> 01:18:22,452
You know, I've been sitting
up here a long time,
1541
01:18:22,578 --> 01:18:26,373
and I don't believe I have ever
been quite this popular before.
1542
01:18:28,166 --> 01:18:30,169
Sir?
1543
01:18:30,294 --> 01:18:31,712
You ordering a pizza, sir?
1544
01:18:33,630 --> 01:18:36,925
I'll call you back.
1545
01:18:37,050 --> 01:18:39,469
Your Honor, we would like
to respectfully...
1546
01:18:39,595 --> 01:18:43,056
Settle down.
I know why we're here.
1547
01:18:43,182 --> 01:18:46,351
I read every little piece
of paper that you gave me.
1548
01:18:48,020 --> 01:18:49,855
Miss Parsons?
1549
01:18:50,939 --> 01:18:52,107
Yes, sir?
1550
01:18:52,232 --> 01:18:53,775
Sit down, please.
1551
01:18:55,694 --> 01:18:57,905
I'm thinking I should probably
explain how this all works,
1552
01:18:58,030 --> 01:19:00,365
as it appears that your counsel
1553
01:19:00,490 --> 01:19:02,159
may not be the finest
this city has to offer.
1554
01:19:03,952 --> 01:19:05,829
Temporary restraining orders
1555
01:19:05,954 --> 01:19:07,497
are issued ex parte,
1556
01:19:07,623 --> 01:19:09,666
which basically means
anyone can get one.
1557
01:19:09,791 --> 01:19:13,295
As for the other party--
You, in this case.
1558
01:19:13,420 --> 01:19:15,506
doesn't have much of a say.
1559
01:19:15,631 --> 01:19:17,799
But today is your chance
to convince me
1560
01:19:17,925 --> 01:19:22,054
that this restraining order
shouldn't be made permanent.
1561
01:19:22,179 --> 01:19:24,640
Whereas the folks over there
are gonna try to convince me
1562
01:19:24,765 --> 01:19:26,850
that they should.
1563
01:19:26,975 --> 01:19:29,019
Now I've read
all they had to say.
1564
01:19:30,979 --> 01:19:33,273
It sure sounds like
you've been mouthing off a bit.
1565
01:19:34,358 --> 01:19:35,484
Yeah.
1566
01:19:35,609 --> 01:19:37,152
I do that now.
1567
01:19:37,277 --> 01:19:39,071
I used to be nicer.
1568
01:19:39,196 --> 01:19:40,906
Sorry.
1569
01:19:41,031 --> 01:19:44,493
Well, why don't you
just scoot yourself up here
1570
01:19:44,618 --> 01:19:46,620
and tell me all about it?
1571
01:19:47,871 --> 01:19:49,122
Okay.
1572
01:20:01,593 --> 01:20:03,387
Do you swear to tell the truth,
the whole truth,
1573
01:20:03,512 --> 01:20:05,347
and nothing but the truth,
so help you God?
1574
01:20:05,472 --> 01:20:07,140
- I do.
- Be seated.
1575
01:20:12,771 --> 01:20:15,607
Miss Parsons, you signed up
with an online matchmaker.
1576
01:20:15,732 --> 01:20:18,277
Yes, sir.
1577
01:20:18,402 --> 01:20:21,321
And in their advertising,
this dating service implied
1578
01:20:21,446 --> 01:20:23,657
they can find at least one man
to go to dinner with you.
1579
01:20:23,782 --> 01:20:25,659
- Correct?
- Well, they did more than imply.
1580
01:20:25,784 --> 01:20:29,121
Their company name
is literally "I Promise,"
1581
01:20:29,246 --> 01:20:31,874
and their slogan is...
1582
01:20:33,208 --> 01:20:35,586
Yes, sorry, sir.
1583
01:20:35,711 --> 01:20:39,631
Well, I think we all
agree so far.
1584
01:20:39,756 --> 01:20:44,136
But here's where
our paths diverge.
1585
01:20:44,261 --> 01:20:45,804
You say they rejected you.
1586
01:20:45,929 --> 01:20:48,140
But you have no proof.
1587
01:20:48,265 --> 01:20:50,142
And yet, you're still
talking about it,
1588
01:20:50,267 --> 01:20:52,811
despite the restraining order.
1589
01:20:52,936 --> 01:20:55,814
How was your night
in our fine facility?
1590
01:20:55,939 --> 01:20:58,108
Not my best, Your Honor.
1591
01:20:58,233 --> 01:21:00,068
Your Honor,
we did not ask the police
1592
01:21:00,194 --> 01:21:02,362
to arrest Miss Parsons,
1593
01:21:02,487 --> 01:21:04,698
and regret that she had to spend
the night in jail.
1594
01:21:04,823 --> 01:21:06,450
It's hard to imagine
1595
01:21:06,575 --> 01:21:08,327
who else would have
a vested interest
1596
01:21:08,452 --> 01:21:10,662
in seeing Miss Parsons
go through that ordeal.
1597
01:21:13,457 --> 01:21:15,876
I know who.
1598
01:21:16,001 --> 01:21:17,252
Sit your ass down.
1599
01:21:17,377 --> 01:21:19,171
And what is your name,
young lady?
1600
01:21:19,296 --> 01:21:21,256
Raina Suryanarayama.
1601
01:21:35,270 --> 01:21:38,065
And your role in this
twisted little drama is?
1602
01:21:38,190 --> 01:21:41,693
Well, I was Annie Lee's
assistant...
1603
01:21:41,818 --> 01:21:43,779
until yesterday,
when I quit.
1604
01:21:45,572 --> 01:21:47,658
She was the one who had
the police on standby
1605
01:21:47,783 --> 01:21:51,036
because she wanted Kip
to be arrested live.
1606
01:21:51,161 --> 01:21:52,913
And which one of you is Annie?
1607
01:21:56,708 --> 01:21:59,711
It's all about the followers, sir.
1608
01:22:01,839 --> 01:22:05,551
Bailiff, please escort Miss Lee
from my courtroom.
1609
01:22:05,676 --> 01:22:07,177
On what grounds?
1610
01:22:07,302 --> 01:22:09,179
Well on the grounds
that just you piss me off.
1611
01:22:12,432 --> 01:22:14,017
Bye-bye now.
1612
01:22:26,572 --> 01:22:30,242
♪ Ooh, ooh-hoo ♪
1613
01:22:32,703 --> 01:22:34,288
♪ Ooh, ooh ♪
1614
01:22:36,915 --> 01:22:40,377
Miss Parsons, if we knew
what the message said,
1615
01:22:40,502 --> 01:22:43,088
then the folks at I Promise
say they would be happy to prove
1616
01:22:43,213 --> 01:22:45,048
that there's no rejection
message like that
1617
01:22:45,174 --> 01:22:46,717
in the system.
1618
01:22:46,842 --> 01:22:48,802
But since you can't tell me
what the message said...
1619
01:22:48,927 --> 01:22:52,931
I can tell you exactly
what the message said.
1620
01:22:53,056 --> 01:22:54,308
I thought you said
you deleted it.
1621
01:22:54,433 --> 01:22:55,559
I'll remember that message
1622
01:22:55,684 --> 01:22:56,852
until the day I die.
1623
01:22:56,977 --> 01:22:58,228
Well, let's hear it, please.
1624
01:23:04,693 --> 01:23:06,028
It's just really embarrassing.
1625
01:23:06,153 --> 01:23:07,779
Miss Parsons?
1626
01:23:07,905 --> 01:23:09,072
I'm gonna have to rule
against you.
1627
01:23:09,198 --> 01:23:10,574
Look, Your Honor,
1628
01:23:10,699 --> 01:23:12,492
I didn't do anything wrong here.
1629
01:23:12,618 --> 01:23:14,703
And this is just often
what happens with women.
1630
01:23:14,828 --> 01:23:15,996
You know,
everyone calls me a liar
1631
01:23:16,121 --> 01:23:17,247
because I told the truth.
1632
01:23:17,372 --> 01:23:19,041
I don't know what you...
1633
01:23:22,794 --> 01:23:24,546
I am sorry.
1634
01:23:24,671 --> 01:23:27,090
But I'm gonna have to ask you
1635
01:23:27,216 --> 01:23:30,010
to be honest just one last time.
1636
01:23:39,811 --> 01:23:41,063
"Unmatchable.
1637
01:23:43,190 --> 01:23:44,566
You're a nerd and a loser.
1638
01:23:46,401 --> 01:23:48,487
No one will ever
find you attractive.
1639
01:23:49,947 --> 01:23:51,615
Take our advice.
1640
01:23:51,740 --> 01:23:55,827
Give up on love and get a dog
so you don't die alone."
1641
01:24:01,291 --> 01:24:03,252
Damn.
1642
01:24:03,377 --> 01:24:04,962
Wait...
1643
01:24:07,840 --> 01:24:09,675
I Promise would like to drop
1644
01:24:09,800 --> 01:24:11,176
the restraining order,
Your Honor.
1645
01:24:11,301 --> 01:24:12,678
Miss Parsons
is telling the truth.
1646
01:24:13,804 --> 01:24:15,597
And you are?
1647
01:24:15,722 --> 01:24:17,391
Uh, I'm Riley Detamore.
1648
01:24:17,516 --> 01:24:20,727
I programmed
the I Promise system.
1649
01:24:20,853 --> 01:24:22,437
And the...
1650
01:24:23,772 --> 01:24:26,024
The message is real, Your Honor.
1651
01:24:27,901 --> 01:24:29,570
Oh, no.
1652
01:24:29,695 --> 01:24:31,154
- Keep talking.
- Well,
1653
01:24:31,280 --> 01:24:34,116
when I initially coded
the I Promise system,
1654
01:24:34,241 --> 01:24:37,452
I-I used myself
as a test subject.
1655
01:24:40,998 --> 01:24:42,541
That message, Kip...
1656
01:24:44,251 --> 01:24:45,836
it was meant for me.
1657
01:24:48,005 --> 01:24:49,673
I guess I just...
1658
01:24:49,798 --> 01:24:51,592
I forgot to delete the code.
1659
01:24:52,676 --> 01:24:53,927
And I didn't think of it
1660
01:24:54,052 --> 01:24:55,846
until Dennis reminded me
1661
01:24:55,971 --> 01:24:58,557
that the initial test response
was, "Get a dog."
1662
01:24:58,682 --> 01:25:02,019
And then I thought about us,
and-- And Fergus.
1663
01:25:02,144 --> 01:25:05,689
And I realized why you were
trying to get a dog
1664
01:25:05,814 --> 01:25:08,400
in the first place.
1665
01:25:08,525 --> 01:25:12,446
The reason why that message
never triggered is because...
1666
01:25:12,571 --> 01:25:17,367
no one ever signed up
that was like me.
1667
01:25:18,452 --> 01:25:19,703
You know...
1668
01:25:20,871 --> 01:25:22,122
weird, I guess.
1669
01:25:23,415 --> 01:25:24,666
Like me.
1670
01:25:26,293 --> 01:25:28,086
Until now.
1671
01:25:29,338 --> 01:25:30,464
Riley...
1672
01:25:30,589 --> 01:25:34,009
I'm so sorry, Kip.
1673
01:25:34,134 --> 01:25:36,261
You were telling the truth
the whole time, and I...
1674
01:25:36,386 --> 01:25:38,055
I didn't believe you.
1675
01:25:41,099 --> 01:25:42,768
Can you please forgive me?
1676
01:25:52,694 --> 01:25:53,946
No.
1677
01:25:56,281 --> 01:25:57,991
Miss Parsons...
1678
01:25:58,116 --> 01:25:59,326
Kip...
1679
01:25:59,451 --> 01:26:02,079
I'm the one who escalated this.
1680
01:26:02,204 --> 01:26:03,497
Not Riley.
1681
01:26:05,082 --> 01:26:08,585
Please don't hold a grudge
against my son.
1682
01:26:08,710 --> 01:26:10,128
I'm not holding a grudge,
Miss Detamore.
1683
01:26:10,254 --> 01:26:12,130
I'm trying to set a boundary.
1684
01:26:15,342 --> 01:26:16,927
You really hurt me.
1685
01:26:18,512 --> 01:26:21,431
So why would I give you
a chance to do it again?
1686
01:26:47,291 --> 01:26:50,252
As much as I would like
to see what happens next,
1687
01:26:50,377 --> 01:26:52,796
my job is to keep
this room moving.
1688
01:26:52,921 --> 01:26:55,215
So if no one
has anything else...
1689
01:26:55,340 --> 01:26:57,050
I'm gay!
1690
01:26:58,969 --> 01:27:02,973
And I'm married to David.
1691
01:27:04,933 --> 01:27:06,226
What?
1692
01:27:06,351 --> 01:27:08,103
Oh, come on.
How could you not know?
1693
01:27:08,228 --> 01:27:10,480
I went back in the closet
because I thought it would hurt
1694
01:27:10,606 --> 01:27:11,815
my brother's business
1695
01:27:11,940 --> 01:27:14,568
to have a gay,
married spokesman.
1696
01:27:16,069 --> 01:27:17,487
But Kip's right.
1697
01:27:17,613 --> 01:27:19,615
Truth matters.
1698
01:27:22,075 --> 01:27:23,869
And that's all.
1699
01:27:26,997 --> 01:27:28,248
I'm so proud of you.
1700
01:27:28,373 --> 01:27:30,459
Well, thanks for that,
my friend.
1701
01:27:30,584 --> 01:27:33,754
You have my sincere hope
that no one cares.
1702
01:27:33,879 --> 01:27:35,130
Anyone else like to share?
1703
01:27:35,255 --> 01:27:36,715
No?
1704
01:27:37,716 --> 01:27:39,176
Okay.
1705
01:27:39,301 --> 01:27:40,928
If there are no
further objections,
1706
01:27:41,053 --> 01:27:46,141
I am declaring the order void.
1707
01:28:02,241 --> 01:28:04,243
Sorry, Jones.
1708
01:28:04,368 --> 01:28:07,037
You were the best roommate ever.
1709
01:28:08,789 --> 01:28:11,041
Kip, come on. Please open up.
1710
01:28:11,166 --> 01:28:13,252
- Go away.
1711
01:28:22,135 --> 01:28:23,679
Kip? Are you okay?
1712
01:28:23,804 --> 01:28:25,597
- Open the door!
1713
01:28:26,598 --> 01:28:28,392
My crab, he's immortal.
1714
01:28:28,517 --> 01:28:30,394
Oh. What?
1715
01:28:31,812 --> 01:28:36,066
Jones died,
but now he's in there.
1716
01:28:36,191 --> 01:28:38,610
Well, was he just lying there,
like, out of his shell?
1717
01:28:38,735 --> 01:28:41,280
And did he just molt?
1718
01:28:41,405 --> 01:28:43,031
Oh. I guess so.
1719
01:28:43,156 --> 01:28:45,200
He's never done that before.
I thought he was dead.
1720
01:28:45,325 --> 01:28:47,286
See, he can't grow
in his old skin,
1721
01:28:47,411 --> 01:28:49,371
so he has to shed it.
1722
01:28:49,496 --> 01:28:51,707
Actually, fun fact
about hermit crabs--
1723
01:28:51,832 --> 01:28:53,250
I'm doing that nerd thing again.
1724
01:28:53,375 --> 01:28:55,752
I'll stop.
1725
01:28:57,504 --> 01:28:59,673
Jones, uh,
I am so proud of you.
1726
01:28:59,798 --> 01:29:00,966
That must have hurt
like a bitch.
1727
01:29:01,091 --> 01:29:02,467
You just do your thing in there,
1728
01:29:02,593 --> 01:29:04,052
and I'm gonna get you
something special,
1729
01:29:04,178 --> 01:29:05,888
like a real pineapple.
1730
01:29:07,556 --> 01:29:09,850
Okay, you can leave now.
1731
01:29:24,698 --> 01:29:25,949
Question 82.
1732
01:29:27,743 --> 01:29:30,495
Question 82 on the I Promise questionnaire.
1733
01:29:30,621 --> 01:29:35,125
"What's one thing
that you will always regret?"
1734
01:29:35,250 --> 01:29:37,961
You know, I felt a little weird
writing that question
1735
01:29:38,086 --> 01:29:39,505
because I didn't
have an answer for it.
1736
01:29:39,630 --> 01:29:42,424
I mean, I should floss more, but...
1737
01:29:43,759 --> 01:29:45,010
Anyway...
1738
01:29:46,011 --> 01:29:47,721
just...
1739
01:29:47,846 --> 01:29:50,015
now I'll have something I regret
for the rest of my life.
1740
01:30:07,866 --> 01:30:10,702
Also, the Immortal Crabs is the
name of my new calypso band.
1741
01:30:19,211 --> 01:30:20,963
And I haven't seen him since.
1742
01:30:21,088 --> 01:30:23,131
I'm not mad anymore.
I'm just...
1743
01:30:25,217 --> 01:30:27,970
I don't know.
I did all of that for nothing.
1744
01:30:29,763 --> 01:30:31,348
I lost my job.
1745
01:30:31,473 --> 01:30:33,016
My dignity.
1746
01:30:33,141 --> 01:30:34,434
My privacy.
1747
01:30:34,560 --> 01:30:35,853
And for what?
1748
01:30:40,315 --> 01:30:43,819
I've spent my life feeling like
no one really gets me.
1749
01:30:44,987 --> 01:30:47,698
Like I'm not enough.
1750
01:30:50,492 --> 01:30:51,785
But with Riley...
1751
01:30:53,537 --> 01:30:55,080
With Riley, I felt enough.
1752
01:30:59,459 --> 01:31:00,919
Then he's the one.
1753
01:31:04,673 --> 01:31:05,924
Hi.
1754
01:31:09,761 --> 01:31:11,346
You're enough, Kip.
1755
01:31:13,307 --> 01:31:14,641
The real question is...
1756
01:31:16,268 --> 01:31:17,519
Is he?
1757
01:31:21,857 --> 01:31:24,234
I guess I got to stop
tucking away my weirdness, huh?
1758
01:31:25,652 --> 01:31:26,904
Yes.
1759
01:31:29,198 --> 01:31:30,490
See if he can keep up.
1760
01:32:03,023 --> 01:32:04,316
Can we talk?
1761
01:32:18,956 --> 01:32:21,458
Let's go. Come on.
1762
01:32:21,583 --> 01:32:22,835
Come on.
1763
01:32:26,421 --> 01:32:28,841
- Hey.
- Hey.
1764
01:32:28,966 --> 01:32:30,676
Oh, my God! Is this Fergus?
1765
01:32:30,801 --> 01:32:32,678
Yeah. Someone--
1766
01:32:32,803 --> 01:32:34,304
I can't remember who.
1767
01:32:34,429 --> 01:32:36,640
suggested that I get a dog.
1768
01:32:39,476 --> 01:32:41,103
Too soon?
1769
01:32:50,237 --> 01:32:52,197
Kip.
1770
01:32:53,866 --> 01:32:55,784
So, this is it.
Corporate headquarters.
1771
01:32:55,909 --> 01:32:58,537
Also known as my house.
1772
01:32:58,662 --> 01:33:02,332
If you'll excuse us,
we have that appointment.
1773
01:33:02,457 --> 01:33:04,418
Right. We have to see that guy.
1774
01:33:04,543 --> 01:33:07,129
- What guy?
- Uh, about that thing.
1775
01:33:07,254 --> 01:33:08,797
Ahem.
1776
01:33:14,386 --> 01:33:15,762
Bye, guys.
1777
01:33:18,473 --> 01:33:21,101
Oh, they're not very good
at pretending
1778
01:33:21,226 --> 01:33:23,228
that they have
other things to do.
1779
01:33:23,353 --> 01:33:25,689
I feel-- I mean,
I'm embar-- I'm embar--
1780
01:33:25,814 --> 01:33:27,357
Oh, dear.
1781
01:33:27,482 --> 01:33:28,734
Yeah, uh...
1782
01:33:28,859 --> 01:33:30,944
Okay, now I'm really embarrassed.
1783
01:33:31,069 --> 01:33:32,863
Uh, Mom, I think that's...
1784
01:33:32,988 --> 01:33:35,365
Yeah, so, Mom, I think now
is probably a good time to...
1785
01:33:35,490 --> 01:33:37,826
- Um...
- Oh, I-I-I'm going.
1786
01:33:37,951 --> 01:33:39,244
- I'm going.
- Okay.
1787
01:33:42,706 --> 01:33:44,666
Can I show you my office?
It's kind of cool.
1788
01:33:44,791 --> 01:33:46,585
- Sure.
- All right, I'll show you.
1789
01:33:49,755 --> 01:33:51,632
So I took my own advice
and got a dog.
1790
01:33:52,633 --> 01:33:53,884
That's Odin.
1791
01:34:03,185 --> 01:34:04,561
You asked me here to talk,
1792
01:34:04,686 --> 01:34:06,730
so talk.
1793
01:34:10,234 --> 01:34:11,401
Um...
1794
01:34:14,571 --> 01:34:16,073
Kip, I-I didn't...
1795
01:34:16,198 --> 01:34:19,368
Kip, that message
wasn't meant for you.
1796
01:34:19,493 --> 01:34:21,787
I would never say anything
like that to you,
1797
01:34:21,912 --> 01:34:24,248
or anyone else.
1798
01:34:24,373 --> 01:34:25,958
But you did.
1799
01:34:26,083 --> 01:34:28,418
You said it about yourself,
and that's not okay.
1800
01:34:31,630 --> 01:34:33,090
[chuckles lightly
1801
01:34:44,935 --> 01:34:46,520
We hospitalized my mom.
1802
01:34:46,645 --> 01:34:48,146
Yeah.
1803
01:34:48,272 --> 01:34:49,898
We traumatized
an innocent fish.
1804
01:34:50,023 --> 01:34:52,025
Mm-hmm. I got fired.
1805
01:34:52,150 --> 01:34:53,902
I destroyed my company.
1806
01:34:54,027 --> 01:34:56,405
I got both served and arrested
live on the Internet.
1807
01:34:56,530 --> 01:34:58,115
We have a terrible record.
1808
01:34:58,240 --> 01:34:59,533
We're a dumpster fire.
1809
01:34:59,658 --> 01:35:03,579
But if there's any way
that we can...
1810
01:35:13,297 --> 01:35:16,884
In the end, I Promise did
match me with my perfect man.
1811
01:35:17,009 --> 01:35:18,969
The man I adore.
1812
01:35:22,055 --> 01:35:24,933
After the trial, Raina
and Sanjay got coffee together.
1813
01:35:25,058 --> 01:35:26,685
Then dinner.
1814
01:35:26,810 --> 01:35:28,187
Then breakfast.
1815
01:35:32,357 --> 01:35:34,067
I Promise did survive,
1816
01:35:34,193 --> 01:35:36,278
and eventually
Riley rehired his family.
1817
01:35:36,403 --> 01:35:38,614
Of course, under the condition
they will never send
1818
01:35:38,739 --> 01:35:40,365
another client to jail,
1819
01:35:40,490 --> 01:35:43,243
and that I Promise brand
wasn't skyscrapers
1820
01:35:43,368 --> 01:35:44,870
and supermodels,
1821
01:35:44,995 --> 01:35:47,080
but helping people find a home.
1822
01:35:47,206 --> 01:35:48,373
A family.
1823
01:35:48,498 --> 01:35:50,042
However they define it.
1824
01:35:50,167 --> 01:35:52,044
Riley also hired
his friend Dennis.
1825
01:35:52,169 --> 01:35:56,423
And Raina, who has them all
next-level organized.
1826
01:35:58,217 --> 01:36:00,010
It didn't take long
for my CEO to realize
1827
01:36:00,135 --> 01:36:03,055
who was actually doing all
the work Marco took credit for.
1828
01:36:03,180 --> 01:36:08,101
Soon after, Marco himself was
released back into the wild.
1829
01:36:10,562 --> 01:36:11,939
They offered me his position.
1830
01:36:12,064 --> 01:36:13,607
I accepted,
1831
01:36:13,732 --> 01:36:16,568
as long as they paid me
exactly one dollar more
1832
01:36:16,693 --> 01:36:17,945
than he made.
1833
01:36:25,619 --> 01:36:27,996
Riley became
an important member
1834
01:36:28,121 --> 01:36:30,207
of our zombie strike team.
1835
01:36:30,332 --> 01:36:33,252
And a few more
members joined too.
1836
01:36:33,377 --> 01:36:36,630
Business boomed after Dirk
made several TV appearances.
1837
01:36:36,755 --> 01:36:40,050
Apparently not that many people
come out, go back in,
1838
01:36:40,175 --> 01:36:41,760
then come out again
in a courtroom.
1839
01:36:42,761 --> 01:36:44,137
Love is love,
1840
01:36:44,263 --> 01:36:45,931
and we all need help
finding it.
1841
01:36:46,056 --> 01:36:49,268
"With that in mind,
please listen to these words.
1842
01:36:49,393 --> 01:36:52,187
From one unmatchable
to another.
1843
01:36:55,399 --> 01:36:58,068
Don't tuck away
your weirdness for anyone.
1844
01:36:58,193 --> 01:37:02,072
Someone is out there,
waiting for you.
1845
01:37:02,197 --> 01:37:03,532
And they will love you,
1846
01:37:03,657 --> 01:37:05,951
not in spite
of how you really are,
1847
01:37:06,076 --> 01:37:07,995
but because of it."
1848
01:37:09,121 --> 01:37:10,455
I promise.
1849
01:37:25,137 --> 01:37:27,222
♪ I see it in your eyes ♪
1850
01:37:29,600 --> 01:37:33,228
♪ It's where forever starts ♪
1851
01:37:33,353 --> 01:37:37,357
♪ Your love is like the sky ♪
1852
01:37:37,482 --> 01:37:41,361
♪ So wide and deep
And near and far ♪
1853
01:37:42,905 --> 01:37:44,907
♪ I want to be close to you ♪
1854
01:37:45,032 --> 01:37:48,994
♪ And feel my feet
Rising off the ground ♪
1855
01:37:50,370 --> 01:37:52,497
♪ I'm gonna hold on to you ♪
1856
01:37:52,623 --> 01:37:57,002
♪ Hand in hand
Here we go again ♪
1857
01:37:57,127 --> 01:38:01,381
♪ 'Cause you take me higher ♪
1858
01:38:04,593 --> 01:38:08,555
♪ 'Cause you take me higher ♪
1859
01:38:08,680 --> 01:38:12,684
♪ And I won't let go
'Cause the world is ours ♪
1860
01:38:12,809 --> 01:38:14,353
♪ Tonight ♪
1861
01:38:26,698 --> 01:38:29,326
♪ I see it in your smile ♪
1862
01:38:31,286 --> 01:38:33,872
♪ It's where forever starts ♪
1863
01:38:35,415 --> 01:38:39,211
♪ Your love is like a fire ♪
1864
01:38:39,336 --> 01:38:44,466
♪ Burning wide and deep
And near and far ♪
1865
01:38:44,591 --> 01:38:46,760
♪ I want to be close to you ♪
1866
01:38:46,885 --> 01:38:50,848
♪ And feel my feet
Rising off the ground ♪
1867
01:38:52,266 --> 01:38:54,434
♪ I'm gonna hold on to you ♪
1868
01:38:54,560 --> 01:38:59,273
♪ Hand in hand
Here we go again ♪
1869
01:38:59,398 --> 01:39:03,610
♪ 'Cause you take me higher ♪
1870
01:39:06,947 --> 01:39:11,118
♪ 'Cause you take me higher ♪
1871
01:39:13,954 --> 01:39:18,417
♪ 'Cause you take me higher ♪
1872
01:39:21,712 --> 01:39:25,716
♪ 'Cause you take me higher ♪
1873
01:39:25,841 --> 01:39:29,553
♪ And I won't let go
'Cause the world is ours ♪
1874
01:39:29,678 --> 01:39:31,263
♪ Tonight ♪