1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000
Downloaded from
YTS.MX
2
00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000
Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX
3
00:00:08,216 --> 00:00:10,218
[audience clamoring]
4
00:00:13,471 --> 00:00:15,807
- [man 1] Mo'Nique is crazy.
- [woman 1] Money over integrity.
5
00:00:15,807 --> 00:00:16,975
[man 2] Mo'Nique's a legend.
6
00:00:16,975 --> 00:00:19,310
- [woman 2] She burned too many bridges.
- [man 3] A pro!
7
00:00:19,310 --> 00:00:21,187
- [woman 3] My girl.
- [man 4] Donkey of the Day!
8
00:00:21,187 --> 00:00:22,272
[man 5] She's difficult.
9
00:00:22,272 --> 00:00:25,358
- [woman 4] Mo'Nique's a legend?
- [man 6] She burned too many bridges.
10
00:00:25,358 --> 00:00:28,028
- [woman 5] She's unstable.
- [man 4] Donkey of the Day.
11
00:00:28,028 --> 00:00:30,155
[voices overlapping]
12
00:00:30,155 --> 00:00:32,282
- [man 5] Her career is over.
- [static crackles]
13
00:00:32,282 --> 00:00:34,576
- [sounds fade]
- [Mo'Nique] Thanks for the encouragement.
14
00:00:34,576 --> 00:00:36,661
[upbeat, energetic music playing]
15
00:00:36,661 --> 00:00:37,954
[Mo'Nique] ♪ Let's go ♪
16
00:00:38,455 --> 00:00:43,209
- Oh, my baby!
- ["My Name Is Mo'Nique" playing]
17
00:00:43,209 --> 00:00:45,420
♪ Hey, my sweet babies ♪
18
00:00:46,129 --> 00:00:47,797
Come on, baby!
19
00:00:47,797 --> 00:00:48,965
[Mo'Nique] Oh!
20
00:00:49,799 --> 00:00:53,136
Oh, baby!
21
00:00:53,803 --> 00:00:58,099
Oh, Atlanta, Georgia!
22
00:00:58,099 --> 00:01:00,935
Atlanta, Georgia!
23
00:01:00,935 --> 00:01:02,562
Oh, baby!
24
00:01:03,229 --> 00:01:04,230
Oh!
25
00:01:04,898 --> 00:01:07,484
Oh, I'mma feel all of this right here.
26
00:01:09,778 --> 00:01:13,031
- Oh, my baby!
- [audience chanting]
27
00:01:13,031 --> 00:01:15,033
Oh, we made it, baby!
28
00:01:15,033 --> 00:01:16,451
We made it!
29
00:01:16,451 --> 00:01:18,286
- ♪ Yes! ♪
- [audience chanting] Mo'Nique!
30
00:01:18,286 --> 00:01:22,874
Mo'Nique! Mo'Nique! Mo'Nique! Mo'Nique!
31
00:01:22,874 --> 00:01:29,130
Mo'Nique! Mo'Nique! Mo'Nique!
Mo'Nique! Mo'Nique!
32
00:01:29,130 --> 00:01:31,299
Mo'Nique! Mo'Nique! Mo'Nique!
33
00:01:31,299 --> 00:01:32,300
[audience cheers]
34
00:01:32,300 --> 00:01:35,553
Am I standin' on this motherfuckin' stage?
35
00:01:35,553 --> 00:01:37,639
[cheering grows louder]
36
00:01:37,639 --> 00:01:41,226
Am I standin' on this motherfuckin' stage?
37
00:01:41,226 --> 00:01:42,894
[crowd roars]
38
00:01:47,190 --> 00:01:51,653
Oh, when I tell you it's takin'
everything in me not to bust down
39
00:01:51,653 --> 00:01:53,863
and cry right now, nigga.
40
00:01:53,863 --> 00:01:55,532
Oh!
41
00:01:56,366 --> 00:01:57,450
[sighs]
42
00:02:00,745 --> 00:02:03,164
- [audience whoops]
- Whoo!
43
00:02:04,332 --> 00:02:07,168
Oh, let me tell y'all something.
I am so grateful.
44
00:02:08,211 --> 00:02:09,629
I am so thankful.
45
00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:12,423
I just wanna say thank you
for every motherfucka
46
00:02:12,423 --> 00:02:14,467
that stood by me, goddammit.
47
00:02:14,467 --> 00:02:15,635
I wanna say thank you
48
00:02:15,635 --> 00:02:18,346
for every motherfuckin' cheerleader,
goddammit!
49
00:02:18,346 --> 00:02:21,182
I wanna thank every nigga
that bought a ticket here tonight.
50
00:02:21,182 --> 00:02:22,350
And you too, white baby.
51
00:02:22,350 --> 00:02:25,186
I wanna thank every-motherfuckin'-body!
52
00:02:25,186 --> 00:02:27,355
[audience cheering]
53
00:02:28,565 --> 00:02:35,321
Tonight, when y'all walk away from me,
y'all will understand who the fuck I am.
54
00:02:35,822 --> 00:02:37,740
Tonight, when y'all walk away from here,
55
00:02:37,740 --> 00:02:41,744
y'all will understand why the fuck
I swing like I motherfuckin' swing.
56
00:02:41,744 --> 00:02:44,372
Tonight, when y'all leave
up out this motherfucka,
57
00:02:44,372 --> 00:02:46,666
y'all gonna say,
"Oh, bitch, I get it now!"
58
00:02:47,167 --> 00:02:50,879
Oh, baby, see,
what people didn't understand about me,
59
00:02:50,879 --> 00:02:52,839
what people did not know about me
60
00:02:52,839 --> 00:02:55,091
when they were throwin'
those motherfucking daggers
61
00:02:55,091 --> 00:02:57,427
and they was calling a bitch
all kinds of names
62
00:02:57,427 --> 00:03:00,513
and they was saying what I wasn't
and saying all that bullshit.
63
00:03:00,513 --> 00:03:02,599
And they was saying, "Mo'Nique,
64
00:03:02,599 --> 00:03:06,519
how can you withstand
what the fuck these people sayin' to you?"
65
00:03:06,519 --> 00:03:09,606
"It seem like it's just rollin'
off your motherfuckin' back."
66
00:03:09,606 --> 00:03:11,733
What people don't know about me, baby,
67
00:03:11,733 --> 00:03:14,527
and I thought I would never say this
on live TV,
68
00:03:14,527 --> 00:03:17,947
live stage ever
because of the stigma that comes with it.
69
00:03:17,947 --> 00:03:20,366
What motherfuckas don't know about me,
70
00:03:20,366 --> 00:03:22,911
you lookin' at a bitch
from special education.
71
00:03:22,911 --> 00:03:24,621
I want y'all to see what it look like.
72
00:03:24,621 --> 00:03:25,830
I want y'all to see
73
00:03:25,830 --> 00:03:29,083
what motherfuckin' special education
look like, nigga!
74
00:03:29,083 --> 00:03:32,503
I want y'all to see
what the slow bus look like!
75
00:03:32,503 --> 00:03:34,839
I want y'all to understand. "Duh!"
76
00:03:34,839 --> 00:03:36,507
Nigga, that's me, nigga!
77
00:03:36,507 --> 00:03:38,968
[audience cheering]
78
00:03:38,968 --> 00:03:41,221
Nigga, that's me, nigga!
79
00:03:41,721 --> 00:03:42,722
They used to call me
80
00:03:42,722 --> 00:03:45,642
every motherfuckin' name
in the book, nigga.
81
00:03:45,642 --> 00:03:52,106
From seventh to ninth grade,
a bitch was in special education.
82
00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:54,651
Nigga, did you hear me?
83
00:03:54,651 --> 00:03:57,612
- [audience whoops]
- [chuckles] Special, nigga.
84
00:03:57,612 --> 00:03:58,947
[sighs]
85
00:03:59,447 --> 00:04:01,032
[in singsong] Education, nigga!
86
00:04:01,574 --> 00:04:04,494
Like a bitch double Dutching.
[in singsong] "Oh, special, nigga!"
87
00:04:04,494 --> 00:04:06,120
"Education, nigga!"
88
00:04:09,040 --> 00:04:11,626
Special... education.
89
00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:16,256
When you wanna judge a motherfucka,
baby, understand what you lookin' at.
90
00:04:16,256 --> 00:04:18,633
You lookin' at a bitch,
when I went to middle school
91
00:04:18,633 --> 00:04:21,928
for the seventh, eighth,
and ninth motherfuckin' grade,
92
00:04:21,928 --> 00:04:24,722
I was in the special education class.
93
00:04:24,722 --> 00:04:26,891
Now, let me tell y'all something
up the fuck front
94
00:04:26,891 --> 00:04:28,768
so y'all don't get to researchin' a bitch.
95
00:04:28,768 --> 00:04:31,604
[chuckling] I really believe
it was a mistake, nigga.
96
00:04:31,604 --> 00:04:33,898
- [audience laughs]
- [woman mouthing]
97
00:04:33,898 --> 00:04:38,027
I believe it was a motherfuckin' mistake
because no letter went home.
98
00:04:38,653 --> 00:04:40,863
There was no parent-teachers' meeting.
99
00:04:40,863 --> 00:04:44,075
There was no motherfuckin'
board of education conversation.
100
00:04:44,659 --> 00:04:46,577
Just when I showed the fuck up...
101
00:04:47,203 --> 00:04:48,830
[chuckles]
102
00:04:49,330 --> 00:04:51,416
...for motherfuckin' middle school, bitch.
103
00:04:51,416 --> 00:04:53,251
I showed up in my new shit.
104
00:04:53,251 --> 00:04:56,337
I was together,
bitch, in my Chic jeans, baby.
105
00:04:56,337 --> 00:04:59,590
My motherfuckin' white T-shirt
and my white shoes to match, bitch.
106
00:04:59,590 --> 00:05:01,968
I was ready for seventh grade!
107
00:05:03,803 --> 00:05:08,016
And I notice...
I didn't get my shit sent home...
108
00:05:08,016 --> 00:05:09,392
[chuckles]
109
00:05:09,392 --> 00:05:10,935
[audience laughs]
110
00:05:10,935 --> 00:05:13,313
...about the class a bitch was gonna be in.
111
00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:16,733
So I say, "Oh, this motherfuckin' year
gonna be special."
112
00:05:16,733 --> 00:05:19,986
"They ain't even sent my shit home.
I got to pick it up at the school."
113
00:05:19,986 --> 00:05:21,738
"This some special shit!"
114
00:05:21,738 --> 00:05:24,324
- [audience laughs]
- [Mo'Nique sighs]
115
00:05:24,324 --> 00:05:26,492
And when you go in there,
they got your name.
116
00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:29,746
On the motherfuckin' board.
117
00:05:30,246 --> 00:05:32,999
[chuckling] To what class
you go to, bitch.
118
00:05:32,999 --> 00:05:34,792
They got your name,
and all the kids running,
119
00:05:34,792 --> 00:05:37,295
"I'm in this class, I'm in that class!"
120
00:05:37,295 --> 00:05:39,589
And I'm lookin'
on this motherfuckin' board.
121
00:05:44,093 --> 00:05:46,763
"Bitch, let me see your board.
What's on your board, bitch?"
122
00:05:46,763 --> 00:05:48,264
[chuckles]
123
00:05:48,264 --> 00:05:51,225
My shit was in an envelope.
124
00:05:51,225 --> 00:05:53,353
[Mo'Nique and audience chuckle]
125
00:05:54,062 --> 00:05:57,732
Okay, bitch?
My motherfuckin' shit was in the envelope.
126
00:05:57,732 --> 00:06:00,151
Now, I knew
that should've been a situation,
127
00:06:00,151 --> 00:06:01,694
but I've always been optimistic.
128
00:06:01,694 --> 00:06:05,323
I've always said
the glass is motherfuckin' half full.
129
00:06:05,323 --> 00:06:09,327
So when I saw my shit
in the envelope, I automatically said,
130
00:06:09,327 --> 00:06:14,248
"Aw, bitch!
This gon' be something special, bitch!"
131
00:06:14,248 --> 00:06:17,418
"They put your shit
in the envelope, bitch."
132
00:06:17,919 --> 00:06:19,545
So when I opened up my envelope...
133
00:06:21,672 --> 00:06:24,342
that nigga say,
"What it say, bitch? What it say?"
134
00:06:24,342 --> 00:06:25,968
"Nigga, I'mma tell ya."
135
00:06:26,636 --> 00:06:30,890
It said, "B... 217."
136
00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:32,475
Right?
137
00:06:32,475 --> 00:06:36,270
So I'm like,
"The B stands for 'motherfuckin' best.'"
138
00:06:36,270 --> 00:06:39,315
[audience laughs]
139
00:06:39,315 --> 00:06:41,734
"I'm the best bitch up in here."
140
00:06:41,734 --> 00:06:44,612
"Goin' to room 217, nigga."
141
00:06:44,612 --> 00:06:46,239
[Mo'Nique chuckles]
142
00:06:46,239 --> 00:06:49,867
"I'm on the second floor
at motherfuckin' middle school."
143
00:06:49,867 --> 00:06:52,912
"Nigga, they don't put new bitches
on the second floor."
144
00:06:52,912 --> 00:06:54,872
"Not unless they special, nigga."
145
00:06:54,872 --> 00:06:58,501
"I'm in B217."
146
00:06:59,127 --> 00:07:01,796
So when I get up to room 217,
147
00:07:01,796 --> 00:07:05,466
I don't see the motherfuckin' B,
but I said, "Okay."
148
00:07:05,466 --> 00:07:08,052
"It's still motherfuckin' 217!"
149
00:07:08,803 --> 00:07:10,638
So I go in the classroom proud.
150
00:07:11,305 --> 00:07:12,557
In my new shit.
151
00:07:13,391 --> 00:07:16,227
And the teacher there,
I give her my paper.
152
00:07:16,978 --> 00:07:19,897
'Cause she says,
"Oh, who are you?" [chuckles]
153
00:07:20,523 --> 00:07:22,233
I said, "Monique Imes."
154
00:07:22,733 --> 00:07:23,943
[chuckles]
155
00:07:23,943 --> 00:07:26,612
She said, "Oh, I don't see your name
on my paper."
156
00:07:27,155 --> 00:07:28,990
I said, "Well, I have this paper."
157
00:07:29,490 --> 00:07:34,537
And when she took the motherfuckin' paper...
[scoffs] ...she chuckled a little bit.
158
00:07:34,537 --> 00:07:36,080
[audience laughs]
159
00:07:36,080 --> 00:07:38,040
I didn't understand
the motherfuckin' chuckle,
160
00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:40,710
but I'm like,
"Fuck this bitch. I'm the best, bitch."
161
00:07:40,710 --> 00:07:43,045
[audience laughs]
162
00:07:43,045 --> 00:07:45,673
"Fuck her!" Right?
163
00:07:46,174 --> 00:07:49,343
So she chuckles.
She say... [chuckles] "Oh no. No."
164
00:07:49,343 --> 00:07:51,262
"Not this 217."
165
00:07:51,262 --> 00:07:54,515
"You're on the first floor... in the back."
166
00:07:54,515 --> 00:07:56,142
[audience laughs]
167
00:07:56,142 --> 00:07:58,144
Like the B stood for "back," bitch.
168
00:07:58,144 --> 00:08:00,271
"Back. Get in the back, bitch."
169
00:08:00,271 --> 00:08:01,898
[audience laughs]
170
00:08:02,899 --> 00:08:06,027
So when I get to motherfuckin' B217,
171
00:08:06,944 --> 00:08:09,906
and I walk
in this motherfuckin' classroom,
172
00:08:10,656 --> 00:08:14,243
and I see a bitch in there
with a whole motherfuckin' helmet...
173
00:08:14,243 --> 00:08:16,120
[audience laughs]
174
00:08:16,120 --> 00:08:17,747
...and a goddamn chin trap.
175
00:08:17,747 --> 00:08:20,500
I said, "Ohhh, shit!"
176
00:08:21,959 --> 00:08:25,254
[chuckles] Ohh!
177
00:08:25,254 --> 00:08:27,715
And then I said, with optimism...
178
00:08:29,592 --> 00:08:32,637
"Right. That might be
her fashion statement, bitch."
179
00:08:32,637 --> 00:08:34,055
"We in middle school."
180
00:08:34,055 --> 00:08:35,181
"That bitch may say,
181
00:08:35,181 --> 00:08:37,517
'I'mma fuck 'em up
with this helmet, bitch.'"
182
00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:38,893
[audience laughs]
183
00:08:38,893 --> 00:08:40,978
And she like wearing this shit, right?
184
00:08:41,938 --> 00:08:44,190
And then, when I sit the fuck down,
185
00:08:44,941 --> 00:08:47,360
I see a little white boy over there,
186
00:08:48,694 --> 00:08:50,196
and he done put glue...
187
00:08:51,072 --> 00:08:51,906
[chuckles]
188
00:08:51,906 --> 00:08:53,991
...in his motherfuckin' hand.
189
00:08:54,492 --> 00:08:56,494
Now, I like to be entertained, nigga.
190
00:08:56,494 --> 00:08:59,330
I love to be motherfuckin' entertained.
191
00:08:59,330 --> 00:09:00,915
I was the cheerleader.
192
00:09:00,915 --> 00:09:03,376
And I watched him
while that glue dried the fuck up.
193
00:09:03,376 --> 00:09:06,796
Then he got to rolling it around
in his motherfuckin' hand.
194
00:09:06,796 --> 00:09:09,257
Now, Little Timmy know
I'm looking at him at this point,
195
00:09:09,257 --> 00:09:11,300
so this nigga has become a magician.
196
00:09:11,300 --> 00:09:14,136
He's looking like... "Mm!"
197
00:09:14,136 --> 00:09:15,888
"Mm!"
198
00:09:15,888 --> 00:09:18,432
Then that motherfucka said...
[swallows, grunts]
199
00:09:18,432 --> 00:09:19,433
[audience laughs]
200
00:09:19,433 --> 00:09:23,521
I said, "Oh, bitch,
I'm in special education!"
201
00:09:23,521 --> 00:09:25,606
[audience applauds]
202
00:09:28,067 --> 00:09:34,031
"I am in motherfuckin' special education,
goddammit!"
203
00:09:35,449 --> 00:09:37,743
But do you think I was fucked up?
204
00:09:37,743 --> 00:09:42,039
I saw the goodness in it, goddammit,
because when I looked on the board,
205
00:09:42,039 --> 00:09:44,667
and I saw what the fuck
they was gonna be teaching,
206
00:09:44,667 --> 00:09:46,877
I said, "Oh, I'mma fuck 'em up in here."
207
00:09:47,378 --> 00:09:50,381
"Primary colors,
secondary motherfuckin' colors."
208
00:09:50,381 --> 00:09:53,634
"Ooh! Honor roll!"
209
00:09:53,634 --> 00:09:55,886
[audience laughs and cheers]
210
00:10:00,474 --> 00:10:03,853
Now, here's where I found out
211
00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:07,607
that my mother... was illiterate.
212
00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:08,774
[audience chuckles]
213
00:10:09,483 --> 00:10:12,069
- Y'all are so fucked up. [chuckles]
- [audience laughs]
214
00:10:12,069 --> 00:10:14,447
Y'all are so fucked up,
laughing at the fact
215
00:10:14,447 --> 00:10:17,408
that my motherfuckin' mother
could not read.
216
00:10:17,408 --> 00:10:19,702
Y'all dirty motherfuckas!
217
00:10:19,702 --> 00:10:21,412
[exhales heavily, grunts]
218
00:10:23,372 --> 00:10:25,666
It wasn't a conversation that we had.
219
00:10:26,167 --> 00:10:27,710
It wasn't a sit-down.
220
00:10:27,710 --> 00:10:29,754
It was just,
when you start observing shit.
221
00:10:29,754 --> 00:10:34,050
I may not have been academically
the smartest bitch in the room,
222
00:10:34,550 --> 00:10:37,428
'cause I was in the back special-ed room.
223
00:10:37,428 --> 00:10:39,722
But that's okay, nigga.
224
00:10:39,722 --> 00:10:43,267
I could tell... when shit was different.
225
00:10:43,768 --> 00:10:47,229
'Cause I was very observant.
I would watch shit. Right?
226
00:10:47,730 --> 00:10:49,732
And I took out a letter from the teacher.
227
00:10:49,732 --> 00:10:56,113
This motherfucka gonna send a note home,
talkin' 'bout "Monique
228
00:10:57,198 --> 00:10:59,075
talks too much."
229
00:10:59,075 --> 00:11:00,326
[scoffs]
230
00:11:00,326 --> 00:11:02,411
So I ain't doing no new shit, y'all!
231
00:11:02,411 --> 00:11:05,373
I been doing this shit
all my motherfuckin' life!
232
00:11:05,873 --> 00:11:09,085
[imitating teacher] "She talk too much,
and she has become a distraction."
233
00:11:09,585 --> 00:11:10,586
"And one more time,
234
00:11:10,586 --> 00:11:12,880
we're gonna have to have
a parent-teachers' meeting."
235
00:11:12,880 --> 00:11:16,217
Now, I done read
the motherfuckin' note. [sighs]
236
00:11:16,717 --> 00:11:18,803
So I'm gonna take this bitch home.
237
00:11:18,803 --> 00:11:21,222
Now, one thing about me,
bitch, I'm honest.
238
00:11:21,222 --> 00:11:22,765
I'm honest, bitch.
239
00:11:22,765 --> 00:11:26,686
If I did it wrong, bitch, I'm honest.
I'm gonna fuckin' say, "I fucked this up."
240
00:11:28,396 --> 00:11:30,773
So all the way home, a bitch is nervous.
241
00:11:31,273 --> 00:11:33,901
'Cause I got to give my mother
this motherfuckin' letter
242
00:11:33,901 --> 00:11:36,445
that this white man has said
a bitch talks too much.
243
00:11:36,445 --> 00:11:40,241
Now, he's not the only one.
My mother has told me that. [laughs]
244
00:11:40,241 --> 00:11:41,617
[audience laughs]
245
00:11:41,617 --> 00:11:44,537
That's why my family
don't like a bitch right now.
246
00:11:45,788 --> 00:11:46,706
Right?
247
00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:50,126
So when I get home,
I give her this motherfuckin' letter.
248
00:11:50,626 --> 00:11:53,212
And she opens the bitch up.
249
00:11:53,212 --> 00:11:54,797
Now, I'mma tell you something.
250
00:11:54,797 --> 00:11:56,716
When I first said
I was gonna say this onstage,
251
00:11:56,716 --> 00:11:58,175
my husband says to me...
252
00:11:58,175 --> 00:12:00,302
- [man 7] What he say?
- Nigga, I'm gonna tell ya.
253
00:12:04,432 --> 00:12:09,228
He said, "Mama...
don't call your mother illiterate."
254
00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:11,439
"That's rather harsh."
255
00:12:11,939 --> 00:12:15,109
Now, I been knowing my husband
since the motherfuckin' tenth grade,
256
00:12:15,109 --> 00:12:16,986
since we was 14 years old.
257
00:12:16,986 --> 00:12:22,366
And he's one of the kindest motherfuckas
I have ever met in my life.
258
00:12:22,366 --> 00:12:25,035
So I look at him and said, "I figured...
259
00:12:25,035 --> 00:12:27,121
[audience and Mo'Nique laugh]
260
00:12:28,330 --> 00:12:31,751
...you was gonna say
some kind shit like that, nigga."
261
00:12:31,751 --> 00:12:34,837
"I've been knowing you
since tenth motherfuckin' grade."
262
00:12:34,837 --> 00:12:39,008
"However, nigga, you've been knowing me
since tenth motherfuckin' grade."
263
00:12:39,008 --> 00:12:41,302
"She didn't have
no challenge reading, nigga."
264
00:12:41,302 --> 00:12:44,513
"That bitch was illiterate!"
265
00:12:44,513 --> 00:12:46,474
[audience laughs]
266
00:12:46,474 --> 00:12:49,643
Okay, so I give her
the motherfuckin' letter.
267
00:12:50,936 --> 00:12:52,563
And I'm waitin' for the blowback.
268
00:12:53,063 --> 00:12:54,523
I'm waitin' for her to come say,
269
00:12:54,523 --> 00:12:56,942
"Didn't I tell you
to keep your goddamn mouth shut?"
270
00:12:56,942 --> 00:12:59,403
I'm waiting
for the motherfuckin' blowback.
271
00:12:59,403 --> 00:13:01,113
She look at the letter.
272
00:13:02,114 --> 00:13:04,116
[audience laughs]
273
00:13:05,951 --> 00:13:07,745
She looked up at me.
274
00:13:07,745 --> 00:13:09,872
But when she looked at me,
I had a smile on my face
275
00:13:09,872 --> 00:13:11,290
'cause I'mma play it all through.
276
00:13:11,290 --> 00:13:13,083
"I don't know
what's in the letter either."
277
00:13:15,169 --> 00:13:18,589
She looked back at that goddamn letter
and looked at me and said,
278
00:13:18,589 --> 00:13:21,091
"Nikki, this is really good."
279
00:13:21,592 --> 00:13:22,760
[audience cracks up]
280
00:13:22,760 --> 00:13:27,598
I said, "Oh, this bitch can't read!"
281
00:13:29,099 --> 00:13:30,226
[sighs]
282
00:13:30,226 --> 00:13:33,354
"The fuck but your mama
can't read, nigga!"
283
00:13:33,354 --> 00:13:36,816
- [audience continues laughing]
- [Mo'Nique clears throat]
284
00:13:39,735 --> 00:13:43,239
I'm not judging.
It's just what the fuck it is!
285
00:13:43,739 --> 00:13:46,450
Could not... fuckin' read.
286
00:13:46,951 --> 00:13:48,786
[audience laughs]
287
00:13:49,370 --> 00:13:51,497
Then I was trying to put
The Electric Company on for her
288
00:13:51,497 --> 00:13:53,374
to give her little clues.
289
00:13:53,374 --> 00:13:56,627
"Break, fast, breakfast."
290
00:13:56,627 --> 00:13:58,712
[audience laughs]
291
00:13:58,712 --> 00:14:00,256
[man 8 groans]
292
00:14:00,256 --> 00:14:03,717
You would think
in motherfuckin' special education
293
00:14:04,510 --> 00:14:06,846
there could not possibly be racism.
294
00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:12,977
There could not possibly be discrimination
in motherfuckin' special education
295
00:14:12,977 --> 00:14:17,982
because everybody in this motherfucka
has been deemed... special, bitch.
296
00:14:17,982 --> 00:14:20,943
And not in the, like...
[cheerfully] "Oh, they special."
297
00:14:20,943 --> 00:14:23,028
[dismissively] Like, "Oh, they special."
298
00:14:23,028 --> 00:14:24,071
[man 9 cheers]
299
00:14:24,071 --> 00:14:26,740
We have all been put
on the fucked-up list.
300
00:14:26,740 --> 00:14:30,828
Every last one of us in this motherfucka
has been put on the throw away list.
301
00:14:30,828 --> 00:14:32,997
Every last one of us
have gotten medicated.
302
00:14:32,997 --> 00:14:36,250
Well, they did not medicate me. Mm-hmm.
303
00:14:36,250 --> 00:14:39,003
[audience laughs]
304
00:14:39,003 --> 00:14:41,881
This teacher named Mr. McKinney...
305
00:14:43,716 --> 00:14:46,218
And Mr. McKinney was a white man.
306
00:14:46,969 --> 00:14:48,679
And he was a white white man.
307
00:14:48,679 --> 00:14:49,972
[audience chuckles]
308
00:14:50,806 --> 00:14:53,601
- [applause]
- [Mo'Nique giggles]
309
00:14:54,518 --> 00:14:57,229
Look. The white people are like,
"Bitch, what's a white white?"
310
00:14:57,229 --> 00:14:58,814
[audience laughs]
311
00:14:58,814 --> 00:15:00,774
The ones that don't like Blacks!
312
00:15:00,774 --> 00:15:01,942
[audience laughs]
313
00:15:01,942 --> 00:15:03,569
A white white.
314
00:15:04,528 --> 00:15:07,531
Now, I'm in seventh
motherfuckin' grade, baby.
315
00:15:07,531 --> 00:15:11,160
And y'all gotta understand
the spirit I came into this world with.
316
00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:14,872
I came with this motherfuckin' spirit.
I didn't just start no shit.
317
00:15:14,872 --> 00:15:17,791
I came with the spirit of,
"Motherfuckin' fight."
318
00:15:17,791 --> 00:15:20,753
I came with the spirit of,
"If it ain't right, bitch, fight."
319
00:15:20,753 --> 00:15:24,006
I came with
that motherfuckin' spirit, right?
320
00:15:24,006 --> 00:15:25,674
[audience cheers]
321
00:15:25,674 --> 00:15:27,968
So one day, we sittin' in the class.
322
00:15:28,469 --> 00:15:30,930
And Mr. McKinney stands up
and says, "Listen."
323
00:15:31,597 --> 00:15:36,560
"If I call your name,
go to the right side of the class."
324
00:15:38,479 --> 00:15:40,606
"If I don't call your name,
325
00:15:40,606 --> 00:15:44,485
go to the left side of the class."
326
00:15:45,069 --> 00:15:49,573
Now, just that one direction
took us about 20 motherfuckin' minutes.
327
00:15:52,701 --> 00:15:55,871
I was having so much motherfuckin' fun.
"What side?"
328
00:15:57,706 --> 00:15:58,582
Right?
329
00:15:58,582 --> 00:16:00,876
And once everybody got placed,
330
00:16:01,794 --> 00:16:07,424
I noticed that all the white kids...
was on the right side,
331
00:16:08,133 --> 00:16:11,887
and all the Black kids
was on the motherfuckin' left side.
332
00:16:11,887 --> 00:16:12,805
[man 10] Uh-oh.
333
00:16:12,805 --> 00:16:17,851
He says to the white kids,
"Listen, y'all have coloring books,
334
00:16:18,936 --> 00:16:21,939
word-search puzzles, and block buildin'."
335
00:16:22,731 --> 00:16:24,274
"Y'all can do those projects."
336
00:16:24,900 --> 00:16:27,403
And then he came
and stood the fuck in front of us.
337
00:16:28,404 --> 00:16:31,573
He said,
"And for this group right here..." [laughs]
338
00:16:32,324 --> 00:16:34,660
And when that motherfucka said,
"this group..."
339
00:16:34,660 --> 00:16:37,538
Oh, Malcolm X said,
"Bitch, it's your turn."
340
00:16:38,038 --> 00:16:39,790
[audience laughs]
341
00:16:40,290 --> 00:16:44,920
"...this group right here, I'mma teach y'all
how to speak correct grammar."
342
00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:47,381
- [audience gasps, murmurs]
- I put my motherfuckin' hand up.
343
00:16:47,381 --> 00:16:49,049
Mm-mm, mm-mm!
344
00:16:49,550 --> 00:16:51,802
Mr. McKinney said, "Yes, Moni-cue?"
345
00:16:51,802 --> 00:16:53,137
[audience laughs]
346
00:16:57,516 --> 00:16:58,684
[man 11] Mo'Nique!
347
00:16:59,685 --> 00:17:01,812
'Cause that wasn't my motherfuckin' name.
348
00:17:03,564 --> 00:17:05,441
So I kept my goddamn hand up.
349
00:17:05,441 --> 00:17:07,526
[audience applauds]
350
00:17:11,655 --> 00:17:15,034
Then, that white man looked
at me and said, "Yes, Monique."
351
00:17:15,034 --> 00:17:17,578
I said, "I need to go to the office."
352
00:17:17,578 --> 00:17:19,455
He said, "Why do you need
to go to the office?"
353
00:17:19,455 --> 00:17:21,623
"So I can call my father."
354
00:17:21,623 --> 00:17:23,792
He said, "Why do you need
to call your father?"
355
00:17:23,792 --> 00:17:26,837
"So I can tell him
that you have separated this class."
356
00:17:26,837 --> 00:17:29,840
"You got white children over there
and Black children over here."
357
00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:31,967
"You talking 'bout
you gonna teach us how to talk,
358
00:17:31,967 --> 00:17:34,928
and Little Timmy just ate
a whole ball of motherfuckin' glue."
359
00:17:34,928 --> 00:17:37,014
[audience laughing and cheering]
360
00:17:40,184 --> 00:17:43,937
Baby, that motherfuckin' white man
looked at me like,
361
00:17:43,937 --> 00:17:47,733
"Bitch, if I could put
my hood on right now..."
362
00:17:47,733 --> 00:17:49,693
[audience laughs and applauds]
363
00:17:49,693 --> 00:17:51,403
And he kept starin' at me.
364
00:17:51,403 --> 00:17:54,865
And the ancestors said,
"Bitch, lock in on that motherfucka
365
00:17:54,865 --> 00:17:57,076
and don't break your goddamn stare."
366
00:17:57,076 --> 00:17:59,661
"And you better not motherfuckin' blink."
367
00:18:00,370 --> 00:18:02,372
[audience cheering and clapping]
368
00:18:07,503 --> 00:18:09,505
Then he said,
"Everybody go back to they seats."
369
00:18:09,505 --> 00:18:11,924
"Okay, that's the fuck right, goddammit."
370
00:18:11,924 --> 00:18:15,677
Oh, and that white man did not like me,
but I sat the fuck up front,
371
00:18:15,677 --> 00:18:19,139
'cause I wanted him to see my ass
every goddamn day.
372
00:18:19,139 --> 00:18:21,934
'Cause I knew
how goddamn slick he was, baby.
373
00:18:21,934 --> 00:18:23,769
I did not fuck around like that.
374
00:18:23,769 --> 00:18:26,939
If I know you out of order,
goddammit, I'mma call you to the mat
375
00:18:26,939 --> 00:18:28,649
every motherfuckin' time.
376
00:18:28,649 --> 00:18:31,819
- I'm in the seventh goddamn grade.
- [audience claps]
377
00:18:35,030 --> 00:18:37,658
- And I met some beautiful people.
- [man 12] Mm-hmm.
378
00:18:37,658 --> 00:18:39,243
Let me be clear, baby.
379
00:18:39,743 --> 00:18:42,496
I met some beautiful people
that we consider special.
380
00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:45,749
They were so motherfuckin' beautiful
381
00:18:45,749 --> 00:18:49,211
and rich in their goddamn stories
382
00:18:49,211 --> 00:18:50,295
and their history.
383
00:18:50,295 --> 00:18:54,550
And I would sit in that goddamn class
and be so motherfuckin' amazed
384
00:18:54,550 --> 00:18:56,677
with the beauty of these people.
385
00:18:56,677 --> 00:18:58,554
And I sat the fuck up front.
386
00:18:58,554 --> 00:19:01,098
And I sat next to these two bully bitches.
387
00:19:01,098 --> 00:19:04,685
Oh, y'all know
I can't stand a motherfuckin' bully.
388
00:19:04,685 --> 00:19:07,104
And these two bully bitches
kept talking shit
389
00:19:07,104 --> 00:19:09,148
'bout the bitch
in the back with the helmet.
390
00:19:09,148 --> 00:19:13,861
Now, the bitch in the back with the helmet
didn't fuck with no-goddamn-body.
391
00:19:13,861 --> 00:19:16,405
All she did was be friendly,
and she'd speak like this.
392
00:19:16,405 --> 00:19:18,615
When I come in, she go... "Mm." I go...
393
00:19:18,615 --> 00:19:19,741
[exhales]
394
00:19:19,741 --> 00:19:20,784
[audience laughs]
395
00:19:20,784 --> 00:19:23,745
[chuckling] And that's how the fuck
we communicated. Just beautiful.
396
00:19:23,745 --> 00:19:25,581
"Mm!" [exhales]
397
00:19:25,581 --> 00:19:28,083
I never asked
about that motherfuckin' helmet,
398
00:19:28,083 --> 00:19:30,878
she never said shit,
and we got along fine.
399
00:19:30,878 --> 00:19:34,423
So these two bully bitches that wanna fuck
with the bitch with the helmet on,
400
00:19:34,423 --> 00:19:36,049
I don't play that bullshit.
401
00:19:36,049 --> 00:19:38,302
So all week long, they talkin' shit
402
00:19:38,302 --> 00:19:41,513
'bout what they gonna do
to this motherfucka with the helmet on
403
00:19:41,513 --> 00:19:43,056
in the back with the chin trap.
404
00:19:43,056 --> 00:19:46,185
I'm sittin' there like, "No, bitch.
I ain't gonna let that happen."
405
00:19:47,019 --> 00:19:48,896
I'mma get in the business.
406
00:19:49,688 --> 00:19:54,776
So come motherfuckin' Thursday,
I'mma step to these bitches.
407
00:19:54,776 --> 00:19:56,111
[chuckles]
408
00:19:57,404 --> 00:19:59,323
All of us special, bitch.
409
00:20:01,783 --> 00:20:02,951
Okay?
410
00:20:02,951 --> 00:20:07,039
Oh, I'm ready for the shit, right?
I'm ready for the shit.
411
00:20:07,039 --> 00:20:08,957
So I say to the main bitch.
412
00:20:08,957 --> 00:20:11,752
You got the main bitch,
then you got the kiss-ass bitch.
413
00:20:11,752 --> 00:20:14,630
But they two bullies,
but the one bully bitch, she the leader.
414
00:20:14,630 --> 00:20:17,841
Then you got the kiss-ass bitch
that everything the leading bully say,
415
00:20:17,841 --> 00:20:19,927
the kiss-ass bully bitch go, "Mm-hmm."
416
00:20:19,927 --> 00:20:22,554
And that used to make me
mad as a motherfucka.
417
00:20:22,554 --> 00:20:24,348
[audience chuckles]
418
00:20:24,348 --> 00:20:27,559
So come Thursday,
when we get ready to get out of school,
419
00:20:28,268 --> 00:20:32,022
I'm ready to let these bully bitches know
I don't go for the bullshit.
420
00:20:32,022 --> 00:20:34,942
And I'm gonna let this sister know
y'all getting ready to fuck with her
421
00:20:34,942 --> 00:20:36,568
with this goddamn helmet.
422
00:20:37,069 --> 00:20:38,654
So I'm gonna step to 'em.
423
00:20:39,154 --> 00:20:43,784
And I say, "Listen,
I'm telling her tomorrow
424
00:20:43,784 --> 00:20:47,287
that y'all gonna fuck with her
'cause she got that goddamn helmet on."
425
00:20:47,788 --> 00:20:49,831
Now, I'm thinking
I'd done intimidated this bitch,
426
00:20:49,831 --> 00:20:52,251
you know, saying mean shit to her.
427
00:20:52,751 --> 00:20:56,255
[scoffs] That bitch looked
at me and said, "You fat, retarded bitch."
428
00:20:56,255 --> 00:20:58,757
"If you don't get the fuck out my face..."
429
00:20:58,757 --> 00:21:02,678
I said, "Oh! That wasn't the response!"
430
00:21:03,428 --> 00:21:06,515
"Oh, this bitch is special!"
431
00:21:06,515 --> 00:21:08,892
[audience laughing]
432
00:21:08,892 --> 00:21:10,435
[Mo'Nique sighs]
433
00:21:11,853 --> 00:21:13,397
[man 13 shouts]
434
00:21:13,397 --> 00:21:14,731
Y'all see it.
435
00:21:14,731 --> 00:21:16,817
[audience cheers]
436
00:21:21,113 --> 00:21:24,825
Now, what I did not realize
was that the two bully bitches
437
00:21:24,825 --> 00:21:27,577
was from East Baltimore. [chuckles]
438
00:21:27,577 --> 00:21:31,206
And anybody from Baltimore know,
East Baltimore, them bitches can fight!
439
00:21:31,206 --> 00:21:32,833
[audience and Mo'Nique laugh]
440
00:21:32,833 --> 00:21:35,627
Aw, them bitches stomp fight.
They stomp bitches on the ground.
441
00:21:35,627 --> 00:21:37,546
[grunts]
442
00:21:39,381 --> 00:21:42,759
So I go back there,
and I say to motherfuckin' Elizabeth,
443
00:21:42,759 --> 00:21:44,303
"Listen here, Elizabeth."
444
00:21:44,803 --> 00:21:48,181
"Them two bully bitches
been talking shit about you
445
00:21:48,181 --> 00:21:50,309
all motherfuckin' week."
446
00:21:50,809 --> 00:21:54,479
"So when they come back here,
you got to get Oletha's ass first."
447
00:21:54,479 --> 00:21:56,898
"You got to fuck her up first."
448
00:21:56,898 --> 00:22:01,320
"Soon as she come back here and ask you
anything about your motherfuckin' helmet,
449
00:22:02,738 --> 00:22:04,489
you look at that bitch like..."
450
00:22:05,449 --> 00:22:08,201
"Then you rev your motherfuckin' head
back with that helmet
451
00:22:08,201 --> 00:22:10,454
and bash that bitch in her mouth."
452
00:22:11,079 --> 00:22:13,665
"As hard as you can,
bitch, bash that bitch
453
00:22:13,665 --> 00:22:16,668
in her motherfuckin' mouth
and knock her teeth out."
454
00:22:16,668 --> 00:22:19,671
That bitch looked at me and said... "Huh!"
455
00:22:19,671 --> 00:22:21,173
[audience laughing]
456
00:22:21,173 --> 00:22:24,301
[grunting loudly]
457
00:22:27,179 --> 00:22:29,056
I say, "What the fuck?!"
458
00:22:29,056 --> 00:22:30,390
[audience laughing]
459
00:22:30,390 --> 00:22:35,812
I paused and looked at that bitch
and said, "I fucks with you, bitch!"
460
00:22:35,812 --> 00:22:40,275
I fucks with that motherfuckin'
sound effects up in here, bitch.
461
00:22:40,275 --> 00:22:42,319
[grunting loudly]
462
00:22:44,321 --> 00:22:46,323
Then Mr. McKinney say... [laughs]
463
00:22:48,158 --> 00:22:50,160
"Elizabeth, stop all that laughin'."
464
00:22:50,160 --> 00:22:52,412
[audience laughs]
465
00:22:52,412 --> 00:22:55,791
I'm like, "Oh!
This how this bitch laughs?"
466
00:22:56,917 --> 00:22:59,461
"Oh, bitch, we gonna have a good time!"
467
00:22:59,461 --> 00:23:01,254
[grunting loudly]
468
00:23:01,254 --> 00:23:04,007
[audience whoops and cheers]
469
00:23:05,634 --> 00:23:06,885
From that day,
470
00:23:08,303 --> 00:23:09,471
to this day,
471
00:23:10,222 --> 00:23:14,851
Elizabeth and I are still the best
of motherfuckin' friends.
472
00:23:14,851 --> 00:23:16,937
[audience cheers]
473
00:23:21,149 --> 00:23:23,193
And here's where this gets beautiful.
474
00:23:24,111 --> 00:23:28,115
Elizabeth could not talk...
with that helmet on.
475
00:23:29,741 --> 00:23:32,202
[softly] She could not speak
476
00:23:33,245 --> 00:23:37,374
nor laugh as we know
what laughter sounds like.
477
00:23:38,708 --> 00:23:41,253
But when she took the helmet off,
478
00:23:42,087 --> 00:23:45,340
she could speak as clear
479
00:23:45,340 --> 00:23:46,800
as you and I.
480
00:23:47,676 --> 00:23:52,389
She just had no control
of her motherfuckin' neck.
481
00:23:52,389 --> 00:23:54,599
- [audience laughs]
- [Mo'Nique grunts]
482
00:24:02,524 --> 00:24:03,859
[Mo'Nique groans]
483
00:24:08,905 --> 00:24:10,574
[chuckles]
484
00:24:20,709 --> 00:24:25,714
And I was so honored the day she called me
in the bathroom in the ninth grade.
485
00:24:25,714 --> 00:24:28,300
Because we knew
we were going our separate ways
486
00:24:28,300 --> 00:24:30,177
and we wouldn't have
the friendship that we had
487
00:24:30,177 --> 00:24:31,595
because we were too young
488
00:24:31,595 --> 00:24:34,347
to make our parents take us back and forth
to see each other.
489
00:24:34,347 --> 00:24:38,059
And she called me in that bathroom
in the ninth motherfuckin' grade,
490
00:24:38,059 --> 00:24:42,606
and she just did like this to me,
as if to say, "Give me a second."
491
00:24:43,231 --> 00:24:46,234
And she untrapped
that motherfuckin' chin trap...
492
00:24:46,234 --> 00:24:47,277
[audience chuckles]
493
00:24:47,277 --> 00:24:49,946
...and took that goddamn helmet off
494
00:24:50,447 --> 00:24:51,740
and said, "Monique..."
495
00:24:51,740 --> 00:24:53,825
[audience laughs]
496
00:24:55,285 --> 00:24:57,037
I said, "Bitch, what?"
497
00:24:57,037 --> 00:24:59,122
[audience laughs]
498
00:24:59,122 --> 00:25:02,417
Oh, we laughed
so motherfuckin' hard back then!
499
00:25:02,417 --> 00:25:05,670
That bitch said, "I can talk
without the motherfuckin' helmet, bitch."
500
00:25:05,670 --> 00:25:08,215
[groans loudly]
501
00:25:09,424 --> 00:25:11,259
[audience laughing]
502
00:25:13,929 --> 00:25:15,931
- [Mo'Nique chuckles]
- [scattered applause]
503
00:25:15,931 --> 00:25:17,098
See...
504
00:25:19,059 --> 00:25:20,727
I was raised
505
00:25:21,811 --> 00:25:25,899
on Real Nigga Boulevard.
506
00:25:26,816 --> 00:25:29,069
I want y'all to understand, baby,
507
00:25:29,069 --> 00:25:31,571
I was raised in Baltimore, Maryland,
508
00:25:31,571 --> 00:25:33,740
on Real Nigga Boulevard
509
00:25:33,740 --> 00:25:35,992
by some real niggas.
510
00:25:35,992 --> 00:25:38,870
And on Real Nigga Boulevard,
the number one rule is
511
00:25:38,870 --> 00:25:41,873
you don't fuck with nobody
who's not fuckin' with you,
512
00:25:41,873 --> 00:25:46,127
'cause you don't know who you fuckin' with
and you might just get fucked up.
513
00:25:46,711 --> 00:25:49,548
That's what happens
on Real motherfuckin' Nigga Boulevard.
514
00:25:49,548 --> 00:25:52,634
Just so y'all understand
where I come from, baby,
515
00:25:52,634 --> 00:25:55,303
I come from Real Nigga Boulevard.
516
00:25:55,303 --> 00:25:56,763
So when nigga's got to swinging,
517
00:25:56,763 --> 00:25:58,890
they did not know
a bitch was gonna swing back.
518
00:25:58,890 --> 00:26:01,935
They did not know a bitch
is from the goddamn Congo, nigga.
519
00:26:01,935 --> 00:26:03,687
[grunting] I'm a gorilla.
520
00:26:03,687 --> 00:26:05,438
[grunts loudly]
521
00:26:05,939 --> 00:26:08,191
[audience laughing]
522
00:26:08,817 --> 00:26:09,651
See...
523
00:26:11,653 --> 00:26:13,196
I had an Uncle Donald.
524
00:26:14,239 --> 00:26:15,532
Oh!
525
00:26:16,032 --> 00:26:18,410
My uncle Donald was so incredible
526
00:26:19,077 --> 00:26:20,537
and so amazing.
527
00:26:21,246 --> 00:26:23,707
My uncle Donald was very, very dark.
528
00:26:24,374 --> 00:26:26,293
And very, very gay.
529
00:26:27,377 --> 00:26:30,922
And when you're born in the '30s and '40s,
and you're very, very dark
530
00:26:30,922 --> 00:26:32,882
and you're very, very gay,
531
00:26:32,882 --> 00:26:36,886
nigga, that's all kinds of strikes
against you that you can't even imagine
532
00:26:36,886 --> 00:26:39,931
because your own family
don't wanna fuck with you
533
00:26:39,931 --> 00:26:43,018
when you were really, really dark
and really, really gay.
534
00:26:43,018 --> 00:26:45,895
And I watched them isolate
my uncle Donald.
535
00:26:46,605 --> 00:26:48,398
I watched them throw that nigga away
536
00:26:48,398 --> 00:26:51,443
while he lived
in the same house they lived in.
537
00:26:51,443 --> 00:26:53,945
But goddamn, if he didn't entertain me.
538
00:26:53,945 --> 00:26:58,199
Because every motherfuckin' Friday,
my mother would be at her mother's house,
539
00:26:58,199 --> 00:26:59,576
playing goddamn cards.
540
00:26:59,576 --> 00:27:03,663
And when I tell you these niggas
was gamblers, I want you to hear me.
541
00:27:03,663 --> 00:27:06,041
These niggas was gamblers.
542
00:27:06,041 --> 00:27:11,087
I was raised with junkies, gamblers,
alcoholics, motherfuckin' pussy sellers.
543
00:27:11,087 --> 00:27:15,008
Now, my aunt would never admit to that,
but I know that bitch was selling pussy
544
00:27:15,008 --> 00:27:18,053
to the insurance man
'cause that nigga came and went upstairs.
545
00:27:18,053 --> 00:27:21,056
"What the fuck kind of insurance
are you selling, nigga?"
546
00:27:21,640 --> 00:27:23,391
And she looked at me and said,
"Rent, bitch."
547
00:27:23,391 --> 00:27:24,684
Okay, then.
548
00:27:24,684 --> 00:27:25,935
[audience laughs]
549
00:27:25,935 --> 00:27:27,604
That's what I'm raised with.
550
00:27:28,104 --> 00:27:30,565
And they would sit
around that dining room table, baby,
551
00:27:30,565 --> 00:27:33,777
and I'm talking 'bout it was money
in the middle of that motherfucka.
552
00:27:33,777 --> 00:27:35,695
Pitty Pat, Tonk, Pokeno.
553
00:27:35,695 --> 00:27:39,783
Nigga, whatever they could gamble,
them niggas would motherfuckin' gamble.
554
00:27:39,783 --> 00:27:41,868
And everybody was on struggle.
555
00:27:42,452 --> 00:27:45,121
So they were gambling
with shit they really did not have.
556
00:27:45,121 --> 00:27:48,625
It was their mother and all her children.
557
00:27:49,125 --> 00:27:51,711
So I thought,
the first time I saw that shit,
558
00:27:51,711 --> 00:27:53,713
that they would,
at the end of the night, say,
559
00:27:53,713 --> 00:27:57,092
"Okay, everybody divvy back up.
Get your shit. We had a good time."
560
00:27:57,092 --> 00:27:59,511
Them niggas was like,
"Nigga, you lost, nigga."
561
00:28:00,136 --> 00:28:02,138
[audience and Mo'Nique chuckle]
562
00:28:03,348 --> 00:28:04,766
And every Friday
563
00:28:05,433 --> 00:28:06,643
my uncle Donald
564
00:28:07,227 --> 00:28:08,687
would go to the bar.
565
00:28:09,229 --> 00:28:11,356
And every Friday,
three niggas, the same niggas,
566
00:28:11,356 --> 00:28:14,234
would beat him up
every motherfuckin' Friday
567
00:28:14,234 --> 00:28:17,320
and take his money
and send his drunk ass home.
568
00:28:17,320 --> 00:28:19,698
Now, what I respected
about the niggas 'round the bar,
569
00:28:19,698 --> 00:28:21,950
they never beat him up
and took all his shit.
570
00:28:21,950 --> 00:28:25,370
They beat him up and took enough
so they could keep drinking for the night
571
00:28:25,370 --> 00:28:26,705
and cab fare home.
572
00:28:26,705 --> 00:28:28,415
They was respectful drunks, nigga.
573
00:28:28,415 --> 00:28:31,626
They didn't beat that nigga up
and send him with nothin'.
574
00:28:32,127 --> 00:28:37,340
And he would come in that house
every motherfuckin' Friday, fucked up.
575
00:28:37,340 --> 00:28:39,426
And I'd be sittin'
in my chair in the dining room,
576
00:28:39,426 --> 00:28:41,177
and they playin' motherfuckin' cards.
577
00:28:41,177 --> 00:28:43,680
And he walked
from the front door to the kitchen.
578
00:28:43,680 --> 00:28:45,849
It wasn't far, front door...
579
00:28:46,808 --> 00:28:47,892
[audience laughs]
580
00:28:47,892 --> 00:28:49,144
...nigga, kitchen.
581
00:28:49,811 --> 00:28:53,231
And in between that
is the goddamn dining room, okay?
582
00:28:53,732 --> 00:28:56,109
Right, and he walkin'
to that goddamn kitchen,
583
00:28:56,109 --> 00:28:57,902
and he'd take one hot dog out.
584
00:28:57,902 --> 00:28:59,738
One mother hot dog out the pack.
585
00:28:59,738 --> 00:29:03,825
One hot dog out the motherfuckin' pack
and put it on a fork, nigga.
586
00:29:03,825 --> 00:29:06,494
Not in a pan,
where you boiled that motherfucka.
587
00:29:06,494 --> 00:29:08,580
A fork, and cut the fire on
588
00:29:08,580 --> 00:29:13,376
and stand over the fire
with this hot dog on a motherfuckin' fork.
589
00:29:13,376 --> 00:29:14,753
I'm like, "Show me, nigga."
590
00:29:14,753 --> 00:29:17,964
"Shit, I love every minute
of this shit right here."
591
00:29:17,964 --> 00:29:20,049
And then he would cuss out the niggas
592
00:29:20,049 --> 00:29:22,927
that just beat him up
'round the motherfuckin' bar.
593
00:29:22,927 --> 00:29:26,181
"Come next Friday,
I'm fuckin' all you motherfuckas up."
594
00:29:26,181 --> 00:29:30,351
"Y'all got the wrong motherfucka.
I'm Donald. I'm kicking everybody ass."
595
00:29:30,351 --> 00:29:32,479
"I'mma fuck you up.
I'mma fuck your bitch up."
596
00:29:32,479 --> 00:29:33,605
"I'm fucking everybody up."
597
00:29:33,605 --> 00:29:36,483
I'd be like, "Yeah,
Uncle Donald, fuck them nigga's up."
598
00:29:36,483 --> 00:29:39,110
But I'd be saying it in my mind
while I'm being entertained.
599
00:29:39,110 --> 00:29:43,198
Then my grandmother said,
"Donald, I'm so sick of that bullshit."
600
00:29:43,198 --> 00:29:45,033
"Maybe if you said that shit to them,
601
00:29:45,033 --> 00:29:48,244
they wouldn't fuck you up every Friday,
and you'd have your money!"
602
00:29:48,244 --> 00:29:50,079
"Now, shut the fuck up!"
603
00:29:50,079 --> 00:29:51,247
[huffs]
604
00:29:51,915 --> 00:29:55,502
My uncle Donald walked out
that motherfuckin' kitchen,
605
00:29:55,502 --> 00:30:00,089
nigga, and sobered the fuck up
and stood over top of my grandmother,
606
00:30:00,089 --> 00:30:03,843
which is his motherfuckin' mother,
and said, "Mama,
607
00:30:03,843 --> 00:30:05,804
you can kiss my dick!"
608
00:30:05,804 --> 00:30:07,263
[audience gasps]
609
00:30:07,263 --> 00:30:10,725
That's the same thing I did. "Oh!"
610
00:30:10,725 --> 00:30:13,561
But I was so motherfuckin' entertained!
611
00:30:13,561 --> 00:30:14,979
So, Lee Daniels, hear me.
612
00:30:14,979 --> 00:30:18,024
That night I said,
"Y'all can suck my dick if I had one,"
613
00:30:18,024 --> 00:30:20,693
that was in honor
of my uncle Donald, nigga!
614
00:30:21,486 --> 00:30:25,365
That was me telling my uncle Donald,
"Nigga, you still in the house, nigga!"
615
00:30:25,365 --> 00:30:28,451
[audience laughing and cheering]
616
00:30:28,451 --> 00:30:30,161
[Mo'Nique] Yes, baby!
617
00:30:30,161 --> 00:30:33,623
That's my uncle Donald,
Lee, that's my uncle Donald!
618
00:30:34,123 --> 00:30:37,252
And when I tell y'all I was raised
by some strong Black women,
619
00:30:37,252 --> 00:30:38,545
please hear me.
620
00:30:39,045 --> 00:30:42,632
I was raised by some strong Black women.
621
00:30:42,632 --> 00:30:45,218
I'm talking 'bout
that kind of motherfuckin' strength
622
00:30:45,218 --> 00:30:46,511
that's unbelievable
623
00:30:46,511 --> 00:30:47,929
and undeniable.
624
00:30:47,929 --> 00:30:51,057
I was raised
by some strong-ass Black women.
625
00:30:51,057 --> 00:30:52,976
They was so motherfuckin' strong
626
00:30:52,976 --> 00:30:54,394
and motherfuckin' wrong
627
00:30:54,394 --> 00:30:55,854
and motherfuckin' miserable
628
00:30:55,854 --> 00:30:57,313
and motherfuckin' bitter
629
00:30:57,313 --> 00:30:59,816
and motherfuckin' angry
and motherfuckin' slick.
630
00:30:59,816 --> 00:31:01,526
They was all of that.
631
00:31:01,526 --> 00:31:03,486
They were so goddamn strong.
632
00:31:03,987 --> 00:31:05,196
Till they was wrong.
633
00:31:08,157 --> 00:31:12,328
So with me watching that as a little girl,
634
00:31:12,829 --> 00:31:15,248
what kind of woman do you think I became?
635
00:31:15,748 --> 00:31:19,544
What kind of woman do you think
I became for a motherfuckin' man?
636
00:31:19,544 --> 00:31:22,505
Ooh!
637
00:31:22,505 --> 00:31:24,382
[audience chuckles]
638
00:31:24,382 --> 00:31:26,759
You wanna talk about a boss bitch?
639
00:31:27,427 --> 00:31:30,763
If you opened up the dictionary,
nigga, and you looked up "boss bitch,"
640
00:31:30,763 --> 00:31:33,975
it was my motherfuckin' picture
in the goddamn block.
641
00:31:37,812 --> 00:31:40,398
Because that's how I was raised.
642
00:31:40,398 --> 00:31:44,027
My father said to me, "Whoever make
the money make the motherfuckin' rules."
643
00:31:44,027 --> 00:31:47,071
And I've always been the bitch
who's made the motherfuckin' money,
644
00:31:47,071 --> 00:31:50,283
so I've always made
the motherfuckin' rules.
645
00:31:50,783 --> 00:31:52,577
And it wasn't no conversation.
646
00:31:52,577 --> 00:31:56,080
It was just the energy that was brought
into the goddamn relationship.
647
00:31:56,080 --> 00:31:58,166
It was just the conversations
that was had.
648
00:31:58,166 --> 00:32:00,251
"So I'mma see you at nine o'clock?"
649
00:32:00,251 --> 00:32:01,294
[chuckles]
650
00:32:01,294 --> 00:32:02,879
[audience laughs]
651
00:32:04,088 --> 00:32:05,924
"The car'll be to get you at three."
652
00:32:06,549 --> 00:32:08,176
It was just understood.
653
00:32:08,676 --> 00:32:09,802
I was that.
654
00:32:10,303 --> 00:32:13,056
That's why I'm three marriages in.
655
00:32:13,056 --> 00:32:14,933
[audience chuckles]
656
00:32:14,933 --> 00:32:17,685
Don't go, "Mm, nigga."
Don't judge me. Don't do that.
657
00:32:17,685 --> 00:32:18,895
Don't do that.
658
00:32:20,355 --> 00:32:21,606
I'm three in.
659
00:32:22,899 --> 00:32:24,317
And this is my last one.
660
00:32:25,193 --> 00:32:27,278
And actually, it's really my first one.
661
00:32:27,779 --> 00:32:30,239
'Cause it's the first time
I've known my place
662
00:32:30,740 --> 00:32:32,533
as a Black man's wife.
663
00:32:33,326 --> 00:32:34,827
So many of us don't.
664
00:32:35,495 --> 00:32:36,663
[audience cheers]
665
00:32:36,663 --> 00:32:38,873
I had to learn mine.
I ain't judging, nigga.
666
00:32:38,873 --> 00:32:40,833
I had to learn my motherfuckin' place.
667
00:32:40,833 --> 00:32:42,710
Because I would wear my cape.
668
00:32:43,211 --> 00:32:45,630
And I would let that bitch flow, baby.
669
00:32:45,630 --> 00:32:49,425
And I remember when I had
to retire my cape, god damn it.
670
00:32:49,425 --> 00:32:54,681
I remember it like it was yesterday
because I woke up in boss-bitch mode.
671
00:32:54,681 --> 00:32:57,183
I woke up, and I'm runnin' shit.
672
00:32:57,183 --> 00:32:59,686
It was the last season of The Parkers.
673
00:33:00,186 --> 00:33:02,522
I'm one of the stars of a hit TV show.
674
00:33:02,522 --> 00:33:04,190
- [man 14] Yes, you were.
- Come on, nigga.
675
00:33:04,190 --> 00:33:06,526
[audience laughing]
676
00:33:06,526 --> 00:33:07,860
Come on, nigga.
677
00:33:07,860 --> 00:33:09,946
[exclaims]
678
00:33:11,698 --> 00:33:13,866
We're the Parkers ♪
679
00:33:13,866 --> 00:33:15,576
Yes, baby!
680
00:33:19,622 --> 00:33:20,832
[sighs]
681
00:33:20,832 --> 00:33:21,958
So, I get up.
682
00:33:22,792 --> 00:33:25,920
My call time is at 8:00 a.m.
683
00:33:26,671 --> 00:33:28,256
I get up at six o'clock.
684
00:33:28,756 --> 00:33:30,174
I take my shower.
685
00:33:31,217 --> 00:33:33,928
I go in, and I play
with my kids for a little while.
686
00:33:34,429 --> 00:33:36,472
I come back, and I kiss my husband.
687
00:33:36,973 --> 00:33:40,435
And I say, "Daddy, I see you
when I get back from the set."
688
00:33:40,935 --> 00:33:43,229
He said, "Mama,
go have an incredible day."
689
00:33:43,730 --> 00:33:49,360
I get in my luxurious luxury convertible
two-seater Mercedes-Benz.
690
00:33:49,360 --> 00:33:50,528
[scattered applause]
691
00:33:50,528 --> 00:33:53,698
I may have been too big
for a bitch, but I didn't give a fuck.
692
00:33:53,698 --> 00:33:54,615
[chuckles]
693
00:33:54,615 --> 00:33:56,701
[audience laughs]
694
00:33:58,870 --> 00:34:02,123
I was stuffed in the motherfucker.
"Mm-mm-mm!"
695
00:34:05,334 --> 00:34:09,672
When I get to the set,
just to tell you how this shit works,
696
00:34:09,672 --> 00:34:13,009
so you can understand
how people can lose themselves.
697
00:34:13,009 --> 00:34:15,303
When I get to the motherfuckin' set,
698
00:34:15,303 --> 00:34:17,972
there's a parking space
with my name on it.
699
00:34:18,514 --> 00:34:23,144
Before I can even park the car good,
there's somebody that opens my car door
700
00:34:23,144 --> 00:34:26,647
and takes everything I need out of my car
into my motherfuckin' dressing room.
701
00:34:26,647 --> 00:34:29,108
Then they escort me into my dressing room.
702
00:34:29,108 --> 00:34:31,611
Then there's somebody else
that comes into my dressing room,
703
00:34:31,611 --> 00:34:34,989
knocks on the goddamn door,
and takes me over to hair and makeup.
704
00:34:34,989 --> 00:34:37,909
After I get hair and makeup,
there's another bitch that comes and says,
705
00:34:37,909 --> 00:34:39,535
"We ready for you in wardrobe."
706
00:34:39,535 --> 00:34:43,456
After I do goddamn wardrobe,
then I go out on the motherfuckin' stage
707
00:34:43,456 --> 00:34:46,250
and get to play the character
of a goddamn lifetime.
708
00:34:46,250 --> 00:34:47,877
You couldn't tell me, baby,
709
00:34:47,877 --> 00:34:50,922
life wasn't motherfuckin' beautiful
in those moments,
710
00:34:50,922 --> 00:34:54,509
because everything I had dreamed of,
I was walkin' in that shit.
711
00:34:54,509 --> 00:34:57,136
Now, when we get ready to go home,
it's five o'clock.
712
00:34:57,637 --> 00:35:02,225
And some of the producers on the set
all had these little crystal trinkets.
713
00:35:02,725 --> 00:35:04,185
These little crystal trinkets.
714
00:35:04,185 --> 00:35:07,063
And this is what happen
when you follow motherfuckas. I'm not her.
715
00:35:07,063 --> 00:35:09,774
I'm not the bitch
that's gonna pay $10,000 for a purse.
716
00:35:09,774 --> 00:35:11,776
I'm not gonna get red bottoms
717
00:35:11,776 --> 00:35:14,487
so my motherfuckin' feet'll hurt
so goddamn bad
718
00:35:14,487 --> 00:35:16,823
I got a attitude
for two motherfuckin' days
719
00:35:16,823 --> 00:35:19,450
'cause the pinky toe is still stuck
on the other motherfuckin' toe,
720
00:35:19,450 --> 00:35:21,369
and I can't get that bitch down.
721
00:35:21,369 --> 00:35:24,539
I'm not that bitch to do that, baby.
I'm a simple girl.
722
00:35:24,539 --> 00:35:27,208
- [man 15 shouts]
- [man 16 whoops]
723
00:35:27,208 --> 00:35:28,292
Right?
724
00:35:28,292 --> 00:35:30,753
But they had
these motherfuckin' crystal trinkets.
725
00:35:31,254 --> 00:35:33,840
And I felt like
they was putting a bitch under pressure.
726
00:35:33,840 --> 00:35:35,758
"You've got to go to the Beverly Center
727
00:35:35,758 --> 00:35:37,802
and get
this motherfuckin' crystal trinket."
728
00:35:37,802 --> 00:35:39,178
"It is so cute, right?"
729
00:35:39,178 --> 00:35:42,265
I ain't into this shit,
but because the producer bitches had it,
730
00:35:42,265 --> 00:35:44,725
I had to go get me
a motherfuckin' crystal trinket
731
00:35:44,725 --> 00:35:48,729
so I could be along with the party
and say, "Bitch, I got a crystal trinket."
732
00:35:49,230 --> 00:35:50,439
Right?
733
00:35:50,439 --> 00:35:52,108
So now I get in the car.
734
00:35:52,900 --> 00:35:56,487
I'm gonna go to the Beverly Center.
That's where the motherfuckin' store is.
735
00:35:58,322 --> 00:36:00,199
I call my baby, I say, "Daddy,
736
00:36:00,867 --> 00:36:03,536
I'm gonna stop
at the Beverly Center 'fore I come home."
737
00:36:03,536 --> 00:36:05,830
"I gotta go to the trinket store."
He said, "All right."
738
00:36:05,830 --> 00:36:07,874
"Have a good time.
Take your time. I'll see you."
739
00:36:07,874 --> 00:36:09,917
"Okay, nigga, see you when I get there."
740
00:36:09,917 --> 00:36:12,753
Now, when I get in my motherfuckin' car,
I take my blunt out.
741
00:36:12,753 --> 00:36:15,006
Let me tell y'all something
so that I'm clear.
742
00:36:15,006 --> 00:36:16,549
If y'all wanna know, do I puff?
743
00:36:16,549 --> 00:36:17,675
Yes.
744
00:36:17,675 --> 00:36:19,260
[audience laughs]
745
00:36:19,260 --> 00:36:21,053
It is from God!
746
00:36:22,138 --> 00:36:26,142
♪ It has been ordained by Jesus! ♪
747
00:36:26,642 --> 00:36:27,560
Right?
748
00:36:27,560 --> 00:36:30,855
And I got the best shit.
I don't fuck around with corner boy shit.
749
00:36:30,855 --> 00:36:32,815
I fuck around with the medicinal shit.
750
00:36:32,815 --> 00:36:36,027
I was fuckin' around with medicinal shit
before it was fuckin' legal
751
00:36:36,027 --> 00:36:37,904
to have for real for real.
752
00:36:37,904 --> 00:36:39,614
So I had the good shit, right?
753
00:36:39,614 --> 00:36:42,992
When you go to the marijuana doctor,
he said, "Mo'Nique, what's wrong?"
754
00:36:43,492 --> 00:36:44,702
I say, "Everything."
755
00:36:44,702 --> 00:36:47,872
- [audience laughs]
- [Mo'Nique giggles]
756
00:36:47,872 --> 00:36:51,167
"Give me your best shit.
Everything is bothering me."
757
00:36:51,167 --> 00:36:55,671
[in singsong] Oh, and the shit
he gave me was incredible!
758
00:36:55,671 --> 00:36:57,965
Right? So I take a little puff off of it,
759
00:36:57,965 --> 00:37:00,635
and I put it out,
and I put it in my secret compartment.
760
00:37:00,635 --> 00:37:04,138
Because I know I'm going to valet
at the goddamn Beverly Center.
761
00:37:04,138 --> 00:37:08,351
I had to learn my lesson about valetin'
at the motherfuckin' Beverly Center.
762
00:37:08,351 --> 00:37:11,187
Because when you leave
your blunt in the ashtray,
763
00:37:11,187 --> 00:37:13,606
them motherfuckas will smoke your shit.
764
00:37:13,606 --> 00:37:16,734
And when they bring you back your car,
they'll look at you like,
765
00:37:16,734 --> 00:37:18,569
- "I'm fucked up!"
- [audience laughs]
766
00:37:19,445 --> 00:37:21,280
[Mo'Nique] So I put my little shit
767
00:37:21,280 --> 00:37:24,325
in the special compartment
when I pull up to the valet.
768
00:37:24,325 --> 00:37:27,536
I get out the goddamn car,
and I go in the little trinket store,
769
00:37:27,536 --> 00:37:29,914
where they have
all these goddamn crystal trinkets.
770
00:37:29,914 --> 00:37:31,832
Now, when I get in there, it is just me,
771
00:37:31,832 --> 00:37:34,043
and there's a white salesclerk
that works there.
772
00:37:34,043 --> 00:37:36,420
Now, when I walk in there,
this bitch does not greet me,
773
00:37:36,420 --> 00:37:38,506
and that's a problem automatically, goddammit.
774
00:37:38,506 --> 00:37:40,716
You supposed to say, "hello"
and "welcome to the store."
775
00:37:40,716 --> 00:37:42,134
But I said, "Fuck this bitch."
776
00:37:42,134 --> 00:37:44,887
"I'mma go ahead
and get this goddamn crystal-ass trinket
777
00:37:44,887 --> 00:37:48,307
'cause all the producing bitches
got these goddamn crystal-ass trinkets,
778
00:37:48,307 --> 00:37:50,393
so I'mma have to fuck
with her attitude right now."
779
00:37:50,393 --> 00:37:51,727
So I go over,
780
00:37:52,561 --> 00:37:56,232
and I see
these little crystal hippopotamuses.
781
00:37:57,233 --> 00:38:01,279
Oh, baby, I think the hippopotamus
is the sexiest motherfuckin' animal
782
00:38:01,279 --> 00:38:02,905
in the goddamn jungle.
783
00:38:02,905 --> 00:38:05,408
You ever notice
how a hippopotamus bitch walk?
784
00:38:05,408 --> 00:38:07,618
Do you ever notice
how when that bitch walks,
785
00:38:07,618 --> 00:38:09,704
she always walk like,
"Nigga, come get it."
786
00:38:09,704 --> 00:38:10,871
[audience laughing]
787
00:38:10,871 --> 00:38:12,623
[Mo'Nique chuckles]
788
00:38:12,623 --> 00:38:15,418
"Nigga, I'm ready, nigga. Nigga."
789
00:38:16,252 --> 00:38:19,338
So when my husband say to me,
"Bring that hippopotamus over here,"
790
00:38:19,338 --> 00:38:21,632
"Nigga, come get it!"
791
00:38:21,632 --> 00:38:23,426
[audience laughs]
792
00:38:23,426 --> 00:38:26,220
Beautiful. So I look at the price.
793
00:38:26,762 --> 00:38:30,182
The motherfuckin' price say $525.
794
00:38:30,182 --> 00:38:32,935
Now, that motherfucka was about this big.
795
00:38:33,436 --> 00:38:36,397
So I said, "Okay, Mo'Nique.
Don't trip off of this shit."
796
00:38:36,397 --> 00:38:38,649
"Bitch, you one of the stars
on a hit show."
797
00:38:38,649 --> 00:38:43,154
"You can afford
a motherfuckin' $525 crystal-ass trinket."
798
00:38:43,654 --> 00:38:45,906
So when I get up to the register...
799
00:38:47,908 --> 00:38:49,535
the white lady ring it up.
800
00:38:49,535 --> 00:38:52,955
She never makes
fuckin' eye contact with me.
801
00:38:52,955 --> 00:38:56,917
She just ring the shit up
and said, "$5,025."
802
00:38:56,917 --> 00:38:58,377
[audience gasps]
803
00:38:58,377 --> 00:39:00,338
I said, "I'm sorry. What did you say?"
804
00:39:00,838 --> 00:39:02,965
[chuckles]
805
00:39:02,965 --> 00:39:04,508
And then she repeated it, like,
806
00:39:04,508 --> 00:39:07,470
"Oh, I knew you couldn't afford this shit
with your Black ass."
807
00:39:07,470 --> 00:39:11,682
She said,
"Five thousand twenty-five dollars."
808
00:39:12,183 --> 00:39:15,603
And I had to let that bitch know
I'm not Whit... What was that bitch's name?
809
00:39:15,603 --> 00:39:17,438
Whitley Gilbert from A Different World,
810
00:39:17,438 --> 00:39:19,982
where she had to prove
to the white woman she could afford that.
811
00:39:19,982 --> 00:39:21,859
Bitch, fuck you. No, thank you.
812
00:39:21,859 --> 00:39:25,237
Have a beautiful day.
And put that motherfucka back.
813
00:39:26,238 --> 00:39:28,032
'Cause I'm driving home,
814
00:39:28,532 --> 00:39:30,034
I'm smoking my blunt.
815
00:39:30,034 --> 00:39:30,993
[audience laughs]
816
00:39:30,993 --> 00:39:33,120
Now, the marijuana that I have,
817
00:39:34,246 --> 00:39:35,998
it makes you very horny.
818
00:39:36,999 --> 00:39:38,084
Stay with me.
819
00:39:38,584 --> 00:39:41,128
- [audience laughs]
- [Mo'Nique] Y'all like, "Ooh, bitch, ooh."
820
00:39:42,213 --> 00:39:44,423
But it takes your horniness
821
00:39:46,008 --> 00:39:47,426
in levels.
822
00:39:47,927 --> 00:39:51,305
You don't just smoke
and get horny right away. It climbs.
823
00:39:51,305 --> 00:39:53,140
So I strategically
824
00:39:54,266 --> 00:39:56,811
puffed... [chuckles]
825
00:39:56,811 --> 00:39:58,729
...'cause I know I'm goin' home.
826
00:39:59,605 --> 00:40:01,065
Right? [chuckles]
827
00:40:01,065 --> 00:40:02,775
And when I get home,
828
00:40:03,484 --> 00:40:08,239
that thang gonna kick in,
that thang thang... gonna kick in.
829
00:40:08,739 --> 00:40:11,158
So when I get home, I'm at about a seven.
830
00:40:11,659 --> 00:40:15,162
Right? I'm not there yet,
at the, "Come get this."
831
00:40:15,162 --> 00:40:18,499
I'm there like, "Oh shit."
You know what I'm sayin'?
832
00:40:18,499 --> 00:40:19,959
I'm there, right?
833
00:40:19,959 --> 00:40:22,962
So when I get at the house,
it's about seven o'clock that night.
834
00:40:24,130 --> 00:40:27,341
The first thing I do is go upstairs
and greet my motherfuckin' man.
835
00:40:27,341 --> 00:40:32,680
That is the first thing I do,
is I take my ass up those steps
836
00:40:32,680 --> 00:40:36,058
and I greet my goddamn husband.
837
00:40:36,058 --> 00:40:38,727
Then everybody else falls in line.
838
00:40:38,727 --> 00:40:42,565
My grandmother told me a long time ago,
"When you go in that goddamn house,
839
00:40:42,565 --> 00:40:45,234
your man is
the first motherfucka you see."
840
00:40:45,234 --> 00:40:48,487
"When he comes in that house,
he should be the first person you see."
841
00:40:48,487 --> 00:40:51,449
So I went by that rule,
and I took my ass upstairs,
842
00:40:51,449 --> 00:40:52,992
and I greeted my husband.
843
00:40:53,492 --> 00:40:55,953
Then I went in there,
and I greeted the goddamn kids.
844
00:40:55,953 --> 00:40:58,539
Then I went downstairs,
and I greeted the staff.
845
00:40:59,123 --> 00:41:00,666
You heard me, nigga. The staff.
846
00:41:00,666 --> 00:41:02,751
[audience laughs]
847
00:41:08,716 --> 00:41:09,925
[Mo'Nique sighs]
848
00:41:09,925 --> 00:41:13,345
Then I went back upstairs,
and I play with the kids some more.
849
00:41:13,846 --> 00:41:16,015
Then I went back downstairs,
then I went back upstairs,
850
00:41:16,015 --> 00:41:17,391
and I talked to Sid a bit more,
851
00:41:17,391 --> 00:41:19,768
then I went back downstairs,
and I went back upstairs.
852
00:41:19,768 --> 00:41:21,270
And then, oh, bitch,
853
00:41:21,270 --> 00:41:24,273
about 20 minutes later,
here come the number ten.
854
00:41:24,273 --> 00:41:26,192
I am motherfuckin' there.
855
00:41:26,192 --> 00:41:30,571
It is time for the get down
on the get down.
856
00:41:30,571 --> 00:41:33,449
This good girl was talkin'
and singin' songs.
857
00:41:33,449 --> 00:41:35,910
♪ Oh, that cat-cat was meowin' ♪
858
00:41:35,910 --> 00:41:37,786
♪ Saying things, she's sayin' ♪
859
00:41:37,786 --> 00:41:39,288
♪ Meow, meow, meow, meow ♪
860
00:41:39,288 --> 00:41:42,625
♪ Meow, meow, meow, meow
Meow, meow, meow, meow ♪
861
00:41:42,625 --> 00:41:46,128
♪ Meow, meow, meow! ♪
862
00:41:46,128 --> 00:41:48,631
[audience laughs]
863
00:41:50,049 --> 00:41:53,636
So I go into the bedroom,
and I close the door, baby.
864
00:41:54,178 --> 00:41:56,472
And I get in my sexiest position.
865
00:41:57,097 --> 00:41:58,891
You got to put that right hip out.
866
00:41:59,391 --> 00:42:00,392
- Right?
- [audience laughs]
867
00:42:00,392 --> 00:42:02,686
And you gotta open your mouth just enough.
868
00:42:02,686 --> 00:42:06,357
Not all the way to suck a dick,
but he might think you will suck a dick.
869
00:42:06,357 --> 00:42:07,775
[audience laughs]
870
00:42:11,070 --> 00:42:13,072
[Mo'Nique grunting softly]
871
00:42:20,287 --> 00:42:22,831
And you've got to pump,
just a little, not hard.
872
00:42:26,502 --> 00:42:29,588
So my husband looked at me
and said, "Mama, what are you doin'?"
873
00:42:29,588 --> 00:42:30,798
[chuckles]
874
00:42:34,802 --> 00:42:38,264
I said, "Nigga, it's... it's...
I'm sexy for you, nigga."
875
00:42:38,264 --> 00:42:40,099
[audience laughs]
876
00:42:40,099 --> 00:42:42,685
I said, "I'mma need you to come over here
877
00:42:43,644 --> 00:42:45,938
and lick up on this lollipop."
878
00:42:45,938 --> 00:42:47,982
- [audience laughs]
- [woman mouthing]
879
00:42:49,567 --> 00:42:51,694
[chuckles] That nigga said,
"No, thank you."
880
00:42:51,694 --> 00:42:54,196
[audience laughs]
881
00:42:56,448 --> 00:43:00,286
"That's the wrong motherfuckin' response.
Don't you know I'm the boss, nigga?"
882
00:43:00,286 --> 00:43:04,498
"Don't you know this is my goddamn house,
my motherfuckin' cars, my goddamn money?"
883
00:43:04,498 --> 00:43:06,083
Now, I'm saying this to myself, like,
884
00:43:06,083 --> 00:43:08,460
"Nigga, have you lost
your motherfuckin' mind?"
885
00:43:08,460 --> 00:43:10,337
So I said, "Let me ask this nigga again
886
00:43:10,337 --> 00:43:14,466
and give him another opportunity
to check his goddamn self."
887
00:43:14,466 --> 00:43:16,260
So I got back in position.
888
00:43:16,260 --> 00:43:18,345
[audience laughs]
889
00:43:24,184 --> 00:43:25,728
"I'mma need you
890
00:43:26,437 --> 00:43:28,272
to come on over here
891
00:43:28,897 --> 00:43:32,151
and lick up on this lollipop."
892
00:43:34,194 --> 00:43:37,031
That nigga said, "Maybe I wasn't clear."
893
00:43:37,031 --> 00:43:38,324
[audience laughs]
894
00:43:38,324 --> 00:43:41,076
"I said, 'No, thank you.'"
895
00:43:41,827 --> 00:43:44,204
"Now I'm in my goddamn feelings,
god damn it,
896
00:43:44,204 --> 00:43:47,166
'cause you have responded wrong
both motherfuckin' times."
897
00:43:47,166 --> 00:43:50,044
"So now I'm coming strong.
So what's your goddamn problem?"
898
00:43:50,044 --> 00:43:53,130
"Did something happen by the time
I went downstairs and came back upstairs?"
899
00:43:53,130 --> 00:43:56,175
"Did somebody call or something, nigga?
What the fuck is wrong with you?"
900
00:43:56,175 --> 00:43:58,010
He said, "There is nothing wrong with me."
901
00:43:58,010 --> 00:44:00,471
I said, "Nigga, there must
be something wrong with you
902
00:44:00,471 --> 00:44:03,891
when I'm telling you to come on
and get up on this lollipop."
903
00:44:03,891 --> 00:44:07,603
He said, "There is absolutely nothing
wrong with me, but let's discuss this."
904
00:44:07,603 --> 00:44:10,564
"You left out of this motherfucka
about seven o'clock this morning."
905
00:44:10,564 --> 00:44:14,610
"You took your ass to the set and stayed
at that bitch till about five o'clock."
906
00:44:14,610 --> 00:44:17,029
"Then you went
to the motherfuckin' Beverly Center."
907
00:44:17,029 --> 00:44:18,781
"Then you brought your ass home."
908
00:44:18,781 --> 00:44:21,700
"You
909
00:44:21,700 --> 00:44:24,328
came upstairs, went downstairs,
came upstairs, went downstairs,
910
00:44:24,328 --> 00:44:26,372
and you want me to lick that lollipop?"
911
00:44:26,372 --> 00:44:28,165
"Bitch, no, thank you."
912
00:44:28,666 --> 00:44:31,585
[audience laughs and cheers]
913
00:44:35,756 --> 00:44:39,051
I was like, "Nigga, that's Black love!
Nigga, that's Black love!"
914
00:44:39,051 --> 00:44:41,220
"You should be able
to lick me any motherfucking time!"
915
00:44:41,220 --> 00:44:42,429
"Ain't gotta be no goddamn..."
916
00:44:42,429 --> 00:44:43,889
"Nigga, now I'm in my feelings,
917
00:44:43,889 --> 00:44:45,766
and I'm ready
to walk out the room fucked up."
918
00:44:45,766 --> 00:44:48,143
He said, "You know what, Mo'Nique?
You know what?"
919
00:44:48,143 --> 00:44:49,186
"Never mind."
920
00:44:49,687 --> 00:44:51,230
"Bring that ass on over here."
921
00:44:51,939 --> 00:44:54,358
Now, I'm sayin' to myself,
"You goddamn right."
922
00:44:54,858 --> 00:44:57,152
[scoffs] "You better check that shit,
nigga."
923
00:44:57,653 --> 00:44:58,654
♪ Many men ♪
924
00:44:58,654 --> 00:45:00,114
[audience laughs]
925
00:45:02,032 --> 00:45:06,078
Now, when I got in front of him,
I stood there
926
00:45:07,329 --> 00:45:09,039
like the masculint...
927
00:45:09,540 --> 00:45:10,874
[sighs, scoffs]
928
00:45:10,874 --> 00:45:13,669
[audience laughs]
929
00:45:15,045 --> 00:45:17,297
...nigga that I saw
the women in my family be.
930
00:45:17,297 --> 00:45:19,383
Like, "Nigga, you better go on
and get that."
931
00:45:19,883 --> 00:45:21,301
Then he took his hand
932
00:45:22,970 --> 00:45:24,888
and put it on my good girl
933
00:45:25,472 --> 00:45:28,559
and got to twiddlin' with that lollipop!
934
00:45:28,559 --> 00:45:34,398
I was like, "Oh yeah!
Get it, get it, get it, get it!"
935
00:45:34,398 --> 00:45:37,693
And then, when he removed his hand,
I just knew
936
00:45:37,693 --> 00:45:42,740
that that nigga was gettin' ready
to get to get to lickin' on the lollipop.
937
00:45:42,740 --> 00:45:46,076
What I did not know
was that he was taking that hand
938
00:45:46,076 --> 00:45:48,245
that he put on my lollipop
939
00:45:48,245 --> 00:45:49,705
and put it under my nose.
940
00:45:49,705 --> 00:45:52,082
[sniffs] I said,
"Nigga, what the fuck is that?!"
941
00:45:52,082 --> 00:45:54,418
[audience laughing hysterically]
942
00:45:54,418 --> 00:45:57,588
"What the fuck is that, nigga?
Are you trying to haunt me, nigga?"
943
00:45:58,088 --> 00:45:59,131
"The fuck was that?"
944
00:45:59,131 --> 00:46:02,134
He said, "Bitch, that's your lollipop!"
945
00:46:02,134 --> 00:46:04,219
[audience laughs]
946
00:46:07,222 --> 00:46:12,186
Oh, bitch, I was devastated!
947
00:46:12,186 --> 00:46:13,228
Do you hear me?
948
00:46:13,228 --> 00:46:15,606
Because what the fuck
can you say in that moment?
949
00:46:15,606 --> 00:46:18,442
There's not shit you can say.
You can't say shit.
950
00:46:18,442 --> 00:46:20,903
If he says your pussy stank last week,
you could say,
951
00:46:20,903 --> 00:46:22,738
"Nigga, fuck you.
That was last week, nigga."
952
00:46:22,738 --> 00:46:24,782
But it was in the moment!
953
00:46:24,782 --> 00:46:25,991
[audience laughs]
954
00:46:25,991 --> 00:46:28,243
[Mo'Nique] Oh, I took
that motherfuckin' cape off.
955
00:46:28,243 --> 00:46:30,954
I had to retire the goddamn cape.
956
00:46:30,954 --> 00:46:33,081
And see, what I had to understand was
957
00:46:33,999 --> 00:46:38,337
there were no hygiene conversations
with me when I was a young girl.
958
00:46:38,337 --> 00:46:41,632
There weren't those conversations
that my mother had with me that said,
959
00:46:41,632 --> 00:46:43,091
"You must take care of yourself."
960
00:46:43,091 --> 00:46:46,595
"And when you a big girl,
one shower a day will not fuckin' get it."
961
00:46:46,595 --> 00:46:50,057
"You've got to get in that shower
in the morning and the nighttime."
962
00:46:50,057 --> 00:46:53,018
"And if it's August, bitch,
in the morning, in the afternoon,
963
00:46:53,018 --> 00:46:56,355
brunch, and then in the evening,
'fore you go to bed, and late night."
964
00:46:56,355 --> 00:46:58,524
"You got to wash that ass repeatedly."
965
00:46:58,524 --> 00:47:00,818
No one ever had
those conversations with me.
966
00:47:00,818 --> 00:47:03,111
[audience chuckles]
967
00:47:03,111 --> 00:47:04,738
Except for my grandmother.
968
00:47:05,489 --> 00:47:06,824
My father's mother.
969
00:47:07,574 --> 00:47:09,827
[softly] My grandmother Mimi
was everything.
970
00:47:10,327 --> 00:47:11,829
She was about this tall.
971
00:47:11,829 --> 00:47:15,666
She was just a few inches
over being a little person.
972
00:47:15,666 --> 00:47:18,001
About this tall and very, very dark.
973
00:47:18,502 --> 00:47:21,588
And she really, really fought with that.
974
00:47:22,339 --> 00:47:24,967
But she would tell me,
"Mo'Nique, you are my prize."
975
00:47:25,759 --> 00:47:27,928
Can you imagine someone telling you that?
976
00:47:27,928 --> 00:47:30,347
- [audience] Aww.
- "You are my prize."
977
00:47:30,848 --> 00:47:33,684
So everything my grandmother told me,
I believed.
978
00:47:34,476 --> 00:47:37,604
'Cause I knew
she would never tell me nothin' wrong.
979
00:47:38,230 --> 00:47:41,149
Everything she set me down
and taught me, baby,
980
00:47:41,149 --> 00:47:42,901
I took that shit in.
981
00:47:42,901 --> 00:47:46,238
So when I was 13 years old...
I will never forget this.
982
00:47:46,238 --> 00:47:50,033
When I was 13 years old,
my grandmother called me in her room.
983
00:47:50,033 --> 00:47:51,326
She said, "Nikki."
984
00:47:52,286 --> 00:47:53,620
I said, "Ma'am?"
985
00:47:54,121 --> 00:47:55,581
She says, "Sit down."
986
00:47:56,081 --> 00:47:57,624
I say, "Yes, ma'am."
987
00:47:57,624 --> 00:47:58,876
She said, "Listen."
988
00:47:59,376 --> 00:48:02,546
"Don't you ever put a dick in your mouth."
989
00:48:02,546 --> 00:48:03,797
[audience laughs]
990
00:48:03,797 --> 00:48:06,633
"'Cause if you do, it will explode."
I said, "Oh, shit!"
991
00:48:06,633 --> 00:48:09,428
[audience laughs and claps]
992
00:48:10,846 --> 00:48:12,848
"Oh! I'm never gonna
put no dick in my mouth!"
993
00:48:12,848 --> 00:48:15,893
"I don't want no dick to explode!"
She said, "Good."
994
00:48:15,893 --> 00:48:18,186
"Don't you ever put a dick in your mouth."
995
00:48:18,186 --> 00:48:20,814
And that was
the last motherfuckin' conversation we had
996
00:48:20,814 --> 00:48:23,066
about dick-sucking, "Just don't do it."
997
00:48:23,650 --> 00:48:26,528
So from the time I was 13
till the time I was 22,
998
00:48:26,528 --> 00:48:28,196
I had never sucked a dick.
999
00:48:28,196 --> 00:48:31,617
And the only reason
why I sucked his dick when I was 22
1000
00:48:31,617 --> 00:48:33,243
is because he was kind.
1001
00:48:33,243 --> 00:48:34,369
He was kind.
1002
00:48:34,369 --> 00:48:35,370
[audience laughs]
1003
00:48:37,080 --> 00:48:40,751
That nigga had so much kindness
in his heart.
1004
00:48:40,751 --> 00:48:43,170
We had a day date.
It was on a Sunday, nigga.
1005
00:48:43,170 --> 00:48:44,254
It was beautiful.
1006
00:48:44,254 --> 00:48:46,298
And we went to the little park
and everything.
1007
00:48:46,298 --> 00:48:47,925
Walked around the harbor and shit.
1008
00:48:47,925 --> 00:48:51,929
So when he invited me back to his house,
I was like, "I sure will go back."
1009
00:48:51,929 --> 00:48:54,473
We went back.
We had a glass of wine and everything.
1010
00:48:54,473 --> 00:48:56,975
We just sittin',
talkin', havin' a good time.
1011
00:48:57,559 --> 00:48:59,937
And then he looked at me
and said, "Mo'Nique?"
1012
00:49:00,437 --> 00:49:01,855
I said, "Yes?"
1013
00:49:02,940 --> 00:49:05,150
He said, "Would you mind suckin' my dick?"
1014
00:49:05,150 --> 00:49:07,235
[audience laughs]
1015
00:49:14,701 --> 00:49:16,870
I said, "I sure will suck your dick."
1016
00:49:17,871 --> 00:49:22,000
Wasn't that a beautiful exchange, bitch?
Did you see how we just did that?
1017
00:49:25,379 --> 00:49:28,507
And then I said to him,
"Let me tell you something right now."
1018
00:49:29,091 --> 00:49:32,177
"I've never... sucked a dick before."
1019
00:49:32,678 --> 00:49:34,846
He said, "Mo'Nique, don't you worry."
1020
00:49:36,014 --> 00:49:38,100
"I will teach you how to suck my dick."
1021
00:49:38,100 --> 00:49:39,267
[audience laughs]
1022
00:49:39,267 --> 00:49:41,311
I said, "How gracious is that?"
1023
00:49:41,311 --> 00:49:42,437
[audience laughs]
1024
00:49:43,730 --> 00:49:46,274
"That he is gonna teach me
how to suck his dick,
1025
00:49:46,274 --> 00:49:47,609
not just any ol' dick."
1026
00:49:47,609 --> 00:49:50,278
That nigga said,
"I will teach you how to suck my dick."
1027
00:49:50,278 --> 00:49:52,698
"Well, goddammit, this is beautiful."
1028
00:49:52,698 --> 00:49:53,657
[audience laughs]
1029
00:49:54,241 --> 00:49:55,617
So he say, "Listen."
1030
00:49:57,536 --> 00:49:59,579
"When I put my dick in your mouth
1031
00:50:00,914 --> 00:50:03,500
start suckin' it
like it's a choo choo train."
1032
00:50:04,418 --> 00:50:07,629
"You know how when the train
first take off from the station?"
1033
00:50:08,171 --> 00:50:09,631
"It take off slow."
1034
00:50:10,507 --> 00:50:11,883
"So you suck slow."
1035
00:50:11,883 --> 00:50:14,803
[imitating train chugging slowly]
1036
00:50:17,639 --> 00:50:19,933
[chugging grows faster]
1037
00:50:19,933 --> 00:50:22,894
"Now," he said, "the train gonna speed up.
You got to speed up."
1038
00:50:22,894 --> 00:50:24,021
[chugging grows faster]
1039
00:50:28,608 --> 00:50:29,693
"Now full speed ahead!"
1040
00:50:29,693 --> 00:50:31,403
[imitating train speeding]
1041
00:50:31,403 --> 00:50:33,572
That nigga said, "Choo choo!"
1042
00:50:33,572 --> 00:50:37,993
And I heard my grandmother say,
"The dick will blow up in your mouth!"
1043
00:50:37,993 --> 00:50:41,079
Oh, I bit that nigga's dick so hard!
1044
00:50:41,079 --> 00:50:42,080
[audience laughs]
1045
00:50:42,080 --> 00:50:45,042
[Mo'Nique] Oh!
1046
00:50:45,709 --> 00:50:48,045
That nigga hit me
in the side of my head so hard,
1047
00:50:48,045 --> 00:50:50,922
I fell off
the motherfuckin' sofa, bitch! [gasps]
1048
00:50:50,922 --> 00:50:54,134
And I know I blacked out
for about 17 seconds.
1049
00:50:55,552 --> 00:50:57,054
Oh, when I came to.
1050
00:50:57,846 --> 00:51:01,266
Oh, when I came to, I looked
at that nigga and said, "Jail, nigga."
1051
00:51:01,266 --> 00:51:05,645
"You are going to fuckin' jail
because you have assaulted me, nigga!"
1052
00:51:05,645 --> 00:51:09,232
"You were trying to blow us up
and blow up the motherfuckin' block!"
1053
00:51:09,232 --> 00:51:11,318
"I will not let you do it, nigga!"
1054
00:51:11,318 --> 00:51:13,737
"I will save the block, nigga!"
1055
00:51:13,737 --> 00:51:15,072
[audience laughs]
1056
00:51:15,072 --> 00:51:16,990
"I am callin' the police!"
1057
00:51:16,990 --> 00:51:19,743
"Your Black ass is going to jail!"
1058
00:51:19,743 --> 00:51:22,746
"Look at my motherfuckin' head,
nigga! Jail!"
1059
00:51:22,746 --> 00:51:24,956
[audience laughs]
1060
00:51:24,956 --> 00:51:27,375
Ooh, when the police came!
1061
00:51:27,375 --> 00:51:29,169
Now, both of us naked.
1062
00:51:30,378 --> 00:51:32,964
We're standing in his bitch naked.
1063
00:51:32,964 --> 00:51:34,382
I'm 22.
1064
00:51:34,382 --> 00:51:36,384
At 22, you would think
I had perky titties,
1065
00:51:36,384 --> 00:51:38,970
but my titties was doing the same thing
they did at 54.
1066
00:51:38,970 --> 00:51:41,306
[audience laughs]
1067
00:51:41,306 --> 00:51:42,474
[Mo'Nique chuckles]
1068
00:51:42,474 --> 00:51:45,977
My titties never came in straight.
They came in like gorilla titties.
1069
00:51:45,977 --> 00:51:47,479
[in singsong] Straight down!
1070
00:51:47,979 --> 00:51:49,773
So I'm standing there naked.
1071
00:51:49,773 --> 00:51:52,192
And it was two policemen.
1072
00:51:52,192 --> 00:51:55,112
One white one and one Black one.
1073
00:51:55,612 --> 00:51:58,740
Oh, and when they came,
and the white one start talkin' first,
1074
00:51:58,740 --> 00:52:01,827
I said, "Nigga, that's the boss.
You goin' to motherfuckin' jail!"
1075
00:52:01,827 --> 00:52:03,161
"You goin' to jail!"
1076
00:52:03,161 --> 00:52:05,664
So the white officer said,
"Ma'am, what happened?"
1077
00:52:06,164 --> 00:52:10,794
I said, "Sir, he knocked me
in the side of my head!"
1078
00:52:11,545 --> 00:52:13,588
"And I... I'm dizzy."
1079
00:52:14,381 --> 00:52:16,299
"And I want him arrested!"
1080
00:52:16,800 --> 00:52:18,510
"Jail, nigga, jail!"
1081
00:52:18,510 --> 00:52:21,096
The white officer says, "Sir,
1082
00:52:21,596 --> 00:52:23,890
turn around and place your hands
behind your back."
1083
00:52:23,890 --> 00:52:25,892
I said, "That's right, nigga!
Jail, nigga!"
1084
00:52:25,892 --> 00:52:29,104
Until the Black officer
got fuckin' involved.
1085
00:52:29,104 --> 00:52:31,940
And the Black officer
told the white officer, "Hold up."
1086
00:52:31,940 --> 00:52:35,360
"Don't handcuff him."
I said, "Oh, this nigga's the boss."
1087
00:52:35,360 --> 00:52:37,696
[audience laughs]
1088
00:52:37,696 --> 00:52:40,031
So the Black officer did not ask me
what happened.
1089
00:52:40,031 --> 00:52:42,659
He asked the goddamn man
what the fuck happened!
1090
00:52:42,659 --> 00:52:46,371
He said,
"Sir, explain to me what happened."
1091
00:52:46,371 --> 00:52:47,914
He said, "Thank you, brother."
1092
00:52:47,914 --> 00:52:51,835
I said, "Oh, they using code words
in this motherfucka."
1093
00:52:52,544 --> 00:52:56,047
He said, "Sir, she was suckin' my dick."
1094
00:52:56,047 --> 00:52:57,549
I was like, "Oh."
1095
00:52:57,549 --> 00:52:59,634
[audience laughs]
1096
00:53:01,678 --> 00:53:04,472
Like, that sounded so fucked up,
didn't it?
1097
00:53:04,472 --> 00:53:08,268
"Oh, nigga, that's painful!
You don't have to say it like that!"
1098
00:53:08,268 --> 00:53:10,353
Because then everybody lookin'
right the fuck at me
1099
00:53:10,353 --> 00:53:13,190
like I'm the last whore
on the goddamn block!
1100
00:53:15,025 --> 00:53:18,570
So then, the brother gonna say to him,
"I'm sorry, sir. What did you say again?"
1101
00:53:18,570 --> 00:53:20,655
"I said she was suckin' my dick."
1102
00:53:20,655 --> 00:53:22,741
[Mo'Nique clears throat, sighs]
1103
00:53:22,741 --> 00:53:25,452
"And I was tryin' to teach her
how to suck my dick
1104
00:53:25,452 --> 00:53:27,871
like the train take off
in the train station."
1105
00:53:27,871 --> 00:53:30,373
"So I told her,
'When I put my dick in your mouth,
1106
00:53:30,373 --> 00:53:32,500
you know,
you suck it like it's first takin' off.'"
1107
00:53:32,500 --> 00:53:35,045
[imitating train chugging along]
1108
00:53:35,045 --> 00:53:37,047
Then I see the Black police officer
1109
00:53:37,047 --> 00:53:39,341
doin' the motherfuckin' train
with this nigga.
1110
00:53:39,341 --> 00:53:40,300
[chugging]
1111
00:53:40,300 --> 00:53:44,554
I said, "Oh, this nigga done told a bitch
how to suck his dick too."
1112
00:53:44,554 --> 00:53:45,513
"Shit!"
1113
00:53:45,513 --> 00:53:47,265
[audience laughs]
1114
00:53:47,265 --> 00:53:49,976
So after he got finished explaining,
1115
00:53:49,976 --> 00:53:52,270
I looked at those two police officers
and I said,
1116
00:53:52,270 --> 00:53:54,773
"Listen, this is
a motherfuckin' terrorist."
1117
00:53:54,773 --> 00:53:57,776
"He is a terrorist,
and he is loaded with bombs."
1118
00:53:57,776 --> 00:54:00,779
"And y'all must lock him up!"
So now, shit got serious!
1119
00:54:00,779 --> 00:54:04,032
They said, "Ma'am, where are the bombs?
Where are the explosives?"
1120
00:54:04,032 --> 00:54:05,700
I say, "In his dick!"
1121
00:54:05,700 --> 00:54:07,786
"His dick is full of bombs!"
1122
00:54:07,786 --> 00:54:09,162
"It's full of bombs!"
1123
00:54:09,162 --> 00:54:12,165
"He's gonna blow up the block!
I have saved everyone!"
1124
00:54:12,165 --> 00:54:13,917
[in singsong] "I'm a hero!"
1125
00:54:13,917 --> 00:54:14,960
"Get him!"
1126
00:54:16,920 --> 00:54:19,464
The Black officer got
on his motherfuckin' walkie-talkie
1127
00:54:19,464 --> 00:54:21,341
and said, "We have an EDP."
1128
00:54:21,841 --> 00:54:23,093
[audience laughs]
1129
00:54:23,093 --> 00:54:27,806
Now, I don't know what the fuck an EDP is,
so I just put it together in my mind.
1130
00:54:27,806 --> 00:54:30,058
You got an erect dysfunctional penis.
1131
00:54:30,058 --> 00:54:31,643
"That is not what it is, sir."
1132
00:54:31,643 --> 00:54:33,353
"He has bombs in his dick."
1133
00:54:33,353 --> 00:54:34,854
"He's gonna blow us up!"
1134
00:54:34,854 --> 00:54:37,524
He was like, "EDP, quick!"
1135
00:54:37,524 --> 00:54:40,694
When the motherfucka got there
for the EDP,
1136
00:54:40,694 --> 00:54:43,488
that stood for "emotionally distressed...
1137
00:54:43,488 --> 00:54:44,906
[chuckles] ...person."
1138
00:54:44,906 --> 00:54:46,491
I'm like, "Who is that?"
1139
00:54:46,491 --> 00:54:48,034
[audience laughs]
1140
00:54:48,034 --> 00:54:51,621
Baby, when they put
that motherfuckin' straitjacket on me,
1141
00:54:52,956 --> 00:54:55,875
and took me to the goddamn psych ward,
1142
00:54:55,875 --> 00:54:57,836
I don't have on no drawers or nothin'.
1143
00:54:57,836 --> 00:55:00,088
I just got on the jacket and my ho ass!
1144
00:55:00,088 --> 00:55:02,173
[audience laughs]
1145
00:55:04,050 --> 00:55:09,097
They kept me in there
for 72 motherfuckin' hours, evaluating me.
1146
00:55:09,097 --> 00:55:12,976
And a sister who was next door to me,
she said, "What you in here for?"
1147
00:55:12,976 --> 00:55:15,186
I said, "Bitch, I saved the block!"
1148
00:55:15,186 --> 00:55:17,397
[audience chuckles]
1149
00:55:17,397 --> 00:55:20,859
"This nigga's dick was getting ready
to blow up, and I bit that bitch!"
1150
00:55:20,859 --> 00:55:22,736
She said, "Bitch,
that's why I'm in here too."
1151
00:55:22,736 --> 00:55:24,821
"My grandmother told me the same shit."
1152
00:55:24,821 --> 00:55:26,614
[audience laughs]
1153
00:55:26,614 --> 00:55:28,408
[audience applauds]
1154
00:55:28,408 --> 00:55:30,243
And when I left there,
1155
00:55:30,744 --> 00:55:34,414
I went straight...
to my goddamn grandmother's house.
1156
00:55:34,414 --> 00:55:36,458
- [audience chuckles]
- [Mo'Nique sighs]
1157
00:55:36,458 --> 00:55:39,586
I said, "Mimi, you told me
1158
00:55:40,879 --> 00:55:43,840
that the dick would blow up
1159
00:55:44,632 --> 00:55:47,218
if you put it... in your mouth."
1160
00:55:47,844 --> 00:55:49,554
And my grandmother chuckled.
1161
00:55:49,554 --> 00:55:50,680
[laughs]
1162
00:55:52,640 --> 00:55:55,643
She said, "Oh, Nikki,
one day you'll understand."
1163
00:55:56,144 --> 00:56:00,023
And that's when my uncle Tina walked by
and said, "That's why I'm a dyke."
1164
00:56:00,023 --> 00:56:02,108
[audience laughs]
1165
00:56:07,655 --> 00:56:11,117
[chuckles] Yes, the fuck she did.
See, that's what I grew up with.
1166
00:56:11,117 --> 00:56:13,036
That's what I grew up with, baby.
1167
00:56:13,036 --> 00:56:16,748
I grew up with that,
and when I tell you my grandmother
1168
00:56:18,041 --> 00:56:19,250
was incredible...
1169
00:56:20,043 --> 00:56:21,294
Right?
1170
00:56:21,294 --> 00:56:24,506
This woman treated me like
the sun did not come up till I woke up.
1171
00:56:25,006 --> 00:56:27,467
And it didn't go down
till I went the fuck to sleep.
1172
00:56:27,967 --> 00:56:30,387
And if I woke up at three o'clock
in the morning and I said,
1173
00:56:30,387 --> 00:56:32,514
"Mimi, I'm hungry,"
1174
00:56:33,139 --> 00:56:34,182
my grandmother would get up
1175
00:56:34,182 --> 00:56:37,060
and goddamn fry me
three chicken wings hard.
1176
00:56:37,060 --> 00:56:38,686
[Mo'Nique sighs]
1177
00:56:38,686 --> 00:56:42,565
Some motherfuckin' mashed potatoes, nigga.
Not from the box. She boiled 'em bitches.
1178
00:56:42,565 --> 00:56:45,527
Some string beans
and two pieces of goddamn white bread.
1179
00:56:45,527 --> 00:56:48,113
That's why a bitch is fat right now.
She fed me good.
1180
00:56:48,613 --> 00:56:51,574
Then she'd take me back upstairs
and put me in the bed.
1181
00:56:53,284 --> 00:56:55,703
And she would be sitting there
when I fell asleep.
1182
00:56:56,454 --> 00:57:00,834
And when I woke back up,
she would be sitting right there.
1183
00:57:01,793 --> 00:57:04,087
In her eyes, I was everything.
1184
00:57:04,963 --> 00:57:06,923
And my grandmother has a daughter.
1185
00:57:08,341 --> 00:57:11,970
But we call her daughter Uncle Tina.
1186
00:57:11,970 --> 00:57:14,013
[audience murmurs]
1187
00:57:14,013 --> 00:57:16,224
Some of y'all niggas was
in the special-ed class with me
1188
00:57:16,224 --> 00:57:18,643
'cause y'all looking round like,
"What does she mean?"
1189
00:57:19,269 --> 00:57:21,438
[audience laughs]
1190
00:57:21,438 --> 00:57:23,690
My uncle Tina,
if she walked in here right now,
1191
00:57:23,690 --> 00:57:25,942
you would think
you were looking at a whole man.
1192
00:57:26,609 --> 00:57:27,944
She has a full beard.
1193
00:57:28,445 --> 00:57:30,822
She wears something
to smash her breasts down.
1194
00:57:30,822 --> 00:57:34,826
She puts something in her pants to make
it look like she could have a dick.
1195
00:57:34,826 --> 00:57:37,245
And she wears men clothes and men shoes.
1196
00:57:37,245 --> 00:57:40,498
[Mo'Nique] Everything about my uncle Tina
is a man.
1197
00:57:41,249 --> 00:57:45,003
So for you babies in the LGBTQ community,
1198
00:57:45,003 --> 00:57:46,504
I want y'all to hear me.
1199
00:57:46,504 --> 00:57:51,843
I respect every-motherfuckin'-body in here
free enough to be their goddamn selves.
1200
00:57:51,843 --> 00:57:52,760
[audience applauds]
1201
00:57:52,760 --> 00:57:54,137
I respect niggas that say,
1202
00:57:54,137 --> 00:57:56,639
"I don't give a fuck
what you think or say."
1203
00:57:56,639 --> 00:57:58,766
"I'mma walk in my goddamn shit."
1204
00:57:58,766 --> 00:58:02,145
And any time you have people
that always got shit to say,
1205
00:58:02,145 --> 00:58:03,730
and so motherfuckin' curious,
1206
00:58:03,730 --> 00:58:07,275
please understand, those are the niggas
that wanna see what it's really like.
1207
00:58:07,275 --> 00:58:10,153
And they'll bend over the furthest,
so don't get mad or offended.
1208
00:58:10,153 --> 00:58:13,490
Just know they wanna get
that poddy-po-po-po-poke!
1209
00:58:13,490 --> 00:58:15,575
[audience applauds]
1210
00:58:17,410 --> 00:58:20,121
See, my grandmother
could not come to grips
1211
00:58:20,914 --> 00:58:24,042
that she had... a gay daughter.
1212
00:58:25,210 --> 00:58:27,295
She could only love her privately.
1213
00:58:27,962 --> 00:58:30,048
She couldn't love her publicly.
1214
00:58:31,216 --> 00:58:33,885
Because the Church
had my grandmother fucked up.
1215
00:58:34,969 --> 00:58:37,847
That goddamn Church,
baby, in our communities
1216
00:58:37,847 --> 00:58:41,267
will do some shit to us
and rip apart motherfuckin' families,
1217
00:58:41,267 --> 00:58:43,686
just like it's going out of goddamn style.
1218
00:58:43,686 --> 00:58:46,064
And they'll put "In the name of Jesus"
in front of it.
1219
00:58:46,064 --> 00:58:49,150
And I watched that shit happen
to my sweet grandmother.
1220
00:58:49,150 --> 00:58:53,071
She just could not come to grips
that she had a goddamn daughter
1221
00:58:53,071 --> 00:58:55,114
that was goddamn gay, baby.
1222
00:58:55,114 --> 00:58:57,784
And I would watch them
when they would go out publicly.
1223
00:58:58,284 --> 00:59:01,996
And just the way my aunt would breathe
would fuck with my grandmother.
1224
00:59:01,996 --> 00:59:04,916
"Why you breathing like that?"
I'd be like, "Well, what the fuck?"
1225
00:59:04,916 --> 00:59:07,210
- "Should she hold her breath?"
- [audience laughs]
1226
00:59:07,210 --> 00:59:09,212
"Will that take the gay away?" [gasps]
1227
00:59:09,212 --> 00:59:11,297
[audience laughs]
1228
00:59:15,051 --> 00:59:16,636
And my uncle Tina...
1229
00:59:18,221 --> 00:59:21,558
was very honest with me... as a little girl
1230
00:59:21,558 --> 00:59:24,352
because what they knew was
I had no judgment.
1231
00:59:24,852 --> 00:59:26,854
I didn't know how to judge.
1232
00:59:27,605 --> 00:59:30,441
All I knew how to do was treat you
how the fuck you treated me,
1233
00:59:30,441 --> 00:59:33,152
and my goddamn uncle Tina
was very good to me,
1234
00:59:33,152 --> 00:59:35,238
right, as a little girl.
1235
00:59:35,238 --> 00:59:38,324
So one Christmas, I'm about seven.
1236
00:59:39,117 --> 00:59:42,453
And all the adults are in the dining room.
I'm in the motherfuckin' kitchen.
1237
00:59:42,453 --> 00:59:45,081
All the kids are in the living room,
playing with their toys.
1238
00:59:45,081 --> 00:59:46,833
Why the fuck I was in the kitchen?
1239
00:59:46,833 --> 00:59:49,919
Uh, okay, bitch, because I was, right?
1240
00:59:49,919 --> 00:59:51,796
Pies and cookies
and cakes and shit, bitch.
1241
00:59:51,796 --> 00:59:53,381
[in singsong] I was in the kitchen!
1242
00:59:53,923 --> 00:59:54,799
Right?
1243
00:59:55,425 --> 00:59:59,095
So, my uncle Tina comes in the kitchen
and she says, "Nikki?"
1244
00:59:59,762 --> 01:00:00,930
I said, "Ma'am?"
1245
01:00:01,848 --> 01:00:03,349
She said, "I'm a dyke."
1246
01:00:03,349 --> 01:00:04,726
[audience chuckles]
1247
01:00:04,726 --> 01:00:06,144
I said, "Me too."
1248
01:00:06,144 --> 01:00:07,895
[audience laughs]
1249
01:00:09,272 --> 01:00:13,901
Because she said it so beautifully, right?
Like, "Bitch, me too. I'm that."
1250
01:00:13,901 --> 01:00:16,654
And then she said, "No, no, no, no, no."
1251
01:00:16,654 --> 01:00:18,114
"I'm a bull dyke."
1252
01:00:20,700 --> 01:00:21,743
[chuckles]
1253
01:00:21,743 --> 01:00:25,330
"Me too! I am a bull dyke too."
1254
01:00:25,830 --> 01:00:28,958
Then she said, "Nikki, I fucks women."
1255
01:00:30,293 --> 01:00:31,544
I say, "Okay."
1256
01:00:31,544 --> 01:00:33,630
[audience laughs]
1257
01:00:37,133 --> 01:00:39,010
Because, bitch,
I don't have nothing for that.
1258
01:00:39,010 --> 01:00:40,887
I don't have anything for that.
1259
01:00:41,971 --> 01:00:43,973
[audience chuckles]
1260
01:00:53,816 --> 01:00:57,070
And I watched those two women... struggle.
1261
01:00:59,739 --> 01:01:03,910
I watched them struggle in the way that
my grandmother left this earth.
1262
01:01:05,119 --> 01:01:08,581
And they just couldn't... come together.
1263
01:01:09,290 --> 01:01:11,334
Because she thought she was a failure.
1264
01:01:12,877 --> 01:01:15,254
Because she brought a gay child
into the world.
1265
01:01:15,963 --> 01:01:21,386
The church had fucked her up to believe
that her daughter was a sin, right?
1266
01:01:22,178 --> 01:01:24,097
And that's how she treated her.
1267
01:01:25,056 --> 01:01:27,392
So imagine the confusion
I went through as a child
1268
01:01:27,392 --> 01:01:30,812
because here, this woman,
for me, goddammit,
1269
01:01:30,812 --> 01:01:32,772
I'm everything.
1270
01:01:33,606 --> 01:01:35,358
But the one you fuck for
1271
01:01:37,026 --> 01:01:39,362
you can't wrap your arms around her
1272
01:01:39,362 --> 01:01:41,030
'cause the way she came here.
1273
01:01:41,864 --> 01:01:44,117
And I watched them struggle.
1274
01:01:44,701 --> 01:01:46,619
Oh, I watched them struggle.
1275
01:01:46,619 --> 01:01:51,207
And when my grandmother left here,
my uncle Tina became a homeless drunk.
1276
01:01:52,500 --> 01:01:55,795
Because she just couldn't understand
1277
01:01:55,795 --> 01:01:57,922
why her mother
1278
01:01:57,922 --> 01:02:02,593
could not love her
the way she needed to be loved, right?
1279
01:02:04,262 --> 01:02:05,430
And I felt...
1280
01:02:06,889 --> 01:02:07,849
[clicks tongue]
1281
01:02:08,558 --> 01:02:10,184
I felt cowardly
1282
01:02:11,185 --> 01:02:12,729
when my grandmother left.
1283
01:02:15,982 --> 01:02:18,025
Because I couldn't tell my grandmother
1284
01:02:19,736 --> 01:02:21,738
who her granddaughter really was.
1285
01:02:23,865 --> 01:02:26,200
'Cause I didn't wanna be loved privately.
1286
01:02:28,369 --> 01:02:30,997
I adored how she adored me.
1287
01:02:31,497 --> 01:02:34,500
When we were walkin' to the store,
if I was on a magazine cover,
1288
01:02:34,500 --> 01:02:38,463
she made sure everybody
in that fuckin' store knew
1289
01:02:38,463 --> 01:02:40,631
that I was her grandchild
1290
01:02:41,132 --> 01:02:43,134
and I was her prize.
1291
01:02:46,429 --> 01:02:48,473
So I couldn't tell my grandmother
1292
01:02:49,348 --> 01:02:50,850
my secret thoughts.
1293
01:02:52,101 --> 01:02:53,644
And my fantasies.
1294
01:02:56,355 --> 01:02:58,191
'Cause I didn't want her
1295
01:02:59,317 --> 01:03:03,362
to love me privately, and I did not want
her to leave this earth
1296
01:03:03,362 --> 01:03:05,531
thinking that she was a failure.
1297
01:03:06,449 --> 01:03:07,909
'Cause had I told her...
1298
01:03:10,119 --> 01:03:11,454
my secret thoughts...
1299
01:03:15,875 --> 01:03:17,585
she would've left thinking
1300
01:03:18,669 --> 01:03:19,921
that she failed.
1301
01:03:21,255 --> 01:03:25,092
Now, I know y'all are looking
at me, saying, "Wait a minute, bitch."
1302
01:03:25,092 --> 01:03:26,552
[audience laughs]
1303
01:03:28,221 --> 01:03:30,306
"Are you a motherfuckin' dyke?"
1304
01:03:30,306 --> 01:03:31,724
[audience laughs]
1305
01:03:31,724 --> 01:03:34,393
No, I'm not... all the way.
1306
01:03:34,393 --> 01:03:35,770
[audience laughs]
1307
01:03:42,527 --> 01:03:44,737
Oh, I couldn't say it to her out loud.
1308
01:03:44,737 --> 01:03:46,948
I could not say it to her out loud.
1309
01:03:46,948 --> 01:03:49,367
And do you know
how hard it is to keep a secret?
1310
01:03:51,536 --> 01:03:53,329
Secrets cause cancer.
1311
01:03:59,377 --> 01:04:01,170
Some of y'all got secrets right now.
1312
01:04:01,170 --> 01:04:02,964
Y'all like, "Bitch,
please don't look at me."
1313
01:04:02,964 --> 01:04:05,132
"'Cause this shit is getting ready
to come outta me
1314
01:04:05,132 --> 01:04:07,218
if I just open my goddamn mouth. Secrets!"
1315
01:04:09,887 --> 01:04:11,556
But when you're born with that,
1316
01:04:13,099 --> 01:04:15,434
there's absolutely nothing
you can do about it.
1317
01:04:16,602 --> 01:04:17,687
Nothing.
1318
01:04:18,479 --> 01:04:20,398
And please understand, I tried.
1319
01:04:21,148 --> 01:04:24,318
Oh, I tried to fuck it away, baby.
I want y'all to hear me.
1320
01:04:24,318 --> 01:04:26,904
I tried to fuck that away from me
1321
01:04:26,904 --> 01:04:29,407
because I didn't wanna be treated
like I had a disease
1322
01:04:29,407 --> 01:04:30,700
or something was wrong.
1323
01:04:30,700 --> 01:04:34,537
So I tried to fuck
as many niggas as I could.
1324
01:04:34,537 --> 01:04:37,915
Now, I wasn't no...
like, no whore whore, but...
1325
01:04:37,915 --> 01:04:39,667
[audience laughs]
1326
01:04:39,667 --> 01:04:41,669
...you know, I was one third, nigga.
1327
01:04:41,669 --> 01:04:43,629
I was a quarter of a whore.
1328
01:04:43,629 --> 01:04:47,884
Nikki Parker was,
"Hey, Professor Oglevee!"
1329
01:04:47,884 --> 01:04:51,095
There was a lot of them niggas
around the world, nigga! Oh!
1330
01:04:51,095 --> 01:04:52,638
[audience chuckles]
1331
01:04:56,017 --> 01:04:58,853
But I kept that secret,
and I promised myself
1332
01:04:58,853 --> 01:05:00,771
I would never tell anyone.
1333
01:05:02,398 --> 01:05:04,358
That I would take that to my grave.
1334
01:05:06,569 --> 01:05:08,654
Because I saw how they treated
1335
01:05:09,655 --> 01:05:12,199
the people in my family with that disease.
1336
01:05:12,950 --> 01:05:16,162
'Cause they made us believe
it was a disease.
1337
01:05:16,829 --> 01:05:17,997
Right?
1338
01:05:18,956 --> 01:05:22,460
And one night,
that desire was on me so bad.
1339
01:05:23,586 --> 01:05:25,087
I was in the bed asleep.
1340
01:05:26,255 --> 01:05:28,841
And that little thing
kept tappin' my shoulder.
1341
01:05:28,841 --> 01:05:30,718
[softly] Like, "Pussy, pussy."
1342
01:05:30,718 --> 01:05:31,761
[audience laughs]
1343
01:05:33,471 --> 01:05:34,889
[audience cheers]
1344
01:05:36,891 --> 01:05:40,144
And I'm layin' in that bed,
and I'm so goddamn scared because
1345
01:05:40,645 --> 01:05:42,313
this my third husband.
1346
01:05:43,230 --> 01:05:44,273
Right?
1347
01:05:44,273 --> 01:05:45,191
[audience laughs]
1348
01:05:45,191 --> 01:05:47,109
It's the third one, baby.
1349
01:05:47,860 --> 01:05:49,320
This that one...
1350
01:05:49,987 --> 01:05:51,072
Ha.
1351
01:05:52,156 --> 01:05:54,158
...that loved me when I was at my worst.
1352
01:05:54,659 --> 01:05:56,535
Like I was at my best.
1353
01:05:57,370 --> 01:05:59,288
This is that one, baby...
1354
01:06:00,081 --> 01:06:01,165
Hmm.
1355
01:06:02,249 --> 01:06:04,210
...that makes me feel like
no other human being
1356
01:06:04,210 --> 01:06:07,964
on the face of this earth
has ever made me feel before.
1357
01:06:07,964 --> 01:06:09,423
This is that one.
1358
01:06:09,423 --> 01:06:12,426
And some Black women question,
"Why do you call him Daddy?"
1359
01:06:12,426 --> 01:06:15,888
Let me tell you why. I'mma be very clear.
'Cause that nigga raisin' me.
1360
01:06:15,888 --> 01:06:18,808
Let me tell you why
I call that Black man "Daddy."
1361
01:06:18,808 --> 01:06:21,435
'Cause that Black man giving me
everything my motherfucking father
1362
01:06:21,435 --> 01:06:24,939
either didn't know how to give me
or didn't give a fuck to give it to me.
1363
01:06:24,939 --> 01:06:27,108
That's why I call that Black man "Daddy."
1364
01:06:27,108 --> 01:06:30,736
When you got a Black man that make
all your motherfuckin' wrongs right...
1365
01:06:31,737 --> 01:06:35,658
Oh, baby, that night I laid
in that goddamn bed, and I was so scared...
1366
01:06:36,993 --> 01:06:38,452
I was so scared.
1367
01:06:39,328 --> 01:06:42,581
'Cause I'm sayin' to myself,
"This not what he signed up for."
1368
01:06:43,791 --> 01:06:47,211
He signed up for you, bitch.
Not you and another bitch.
1369
01:06:47,211 --> 01:06:48,713
[audience laughs]
1370
01:06:54,468 --> 01:06:55,928
[Mo'Nique chuckles]
1371
01:06:55,928 --> 01:06:57,346
So what do you do?
1372
01:06:57,930 --> 01:07:01,392
What do you do in that moment
when you're layin' next to the person
1373
01:07:01,392 --> 01:07:04,562
that's been knowin' you better
than you know your motherfuckin' self?
1374
01:07:04,562 --> 01:07:07,273
Because they paid attention
to you when y'all were kids
1375
01:07:07,273 --> 01:07:10,359
far more than you paid attention
to your own goddamn self.
1376
01:07:10,359 --> 01:07:11,902
And I'm laying in that bed, baby,
1377
01:07:11,902 --> 01:07:14,113
and that thing is
on my back so motherfuckin' hard,
1378
01:07:14,113 --> 01:07:17,992
it's making me sick,
mentally, physically, spiritually,
1379
01:07:17,992 --> 01:07:21,412
'cause I feel like I can't tell nobody
what I was born with.
1380
01:07:21,412 --> 01:07:24,206
And I had to wake that nigga up
out of his sleep, baby.
1381
01:07:24,206 --> 01:07:25,583
I'm so scared 'cause I'm sayin',
1382
01:07:25,583 --> 01:07:28,294
"Please, when I tell you,
don't walk away from me."
1383
01:07:29,420 --> 01:07:31,338
"'Cause it'll take my breath away."
1384
01:07:31,839 --> 01:07:34,133
"But I gotta tell you,
baby, 'cause you know me,
1385
01:07:34,133 --> 01:07:35,926
you know when something ain't right,
1386
01:07:35,926 --> 01:07:38,596
and something
haven't been right for years."
1387
01:07:39,889 --> 01:07:43,184
But because I'm a celebrity, a... a star,
1388
01:07:43,684 --> 01:07:45,144
I could mask it.
1389
01:07:45,144 --> 01:07:47,480
I could mask it with my pretty things.
1390
01:07:47,480 --> 01:07:50,649
But that night, the mask had to come off.
1391
01:07:51,150 --> 01:07:52,068
[sighs]
1392
01:07:52,568 --> 01:07:54,403
And I had to wake him up.
1393
01:07:55,404 --> 01:07:58,699
[clicks tongue] And I said,
"Daddy, I gotta tell you somethin'."
1394
01:07:59,825 --> 01:08:01,577
He said, "Mama, what's wrong?"
1395
01:08:02,870 --> 01:08:04,663
I said, "I got a secret."
1396
01:08:06,916 --> 01:08:11,504
"And promise me when I tell you,
you won't walk away from me."
1397
01:08:13,047 --> 01:08:15,674
He said, "Mo'Nique,
there's nothing you can tell me
1398
01:08:16,884 --> 01:08:19,053
that would make me walk away from you."
1399
01:08:21,138 --> 01:08:22,473
I said, "Okay."
1400
01:08:23,307 --> 01:08:24,767
"Here we go."
1401
01:08:24,767 --> 01:08:28,104
I said, "Daddy..."
He said, "Wait a minute, bitch."
1402
01:08:28,104 --> 01:08:30,064
[audience laughs]
1403
01:08:31,482 --> 01:08:33,400
"Have you killed somebody, bitch?"
1404
01:08:35,486 --> 01:08:38,489
I said, "No, nigga,
I ain't killed no-motherfuckin'-body."
1405
01:08:39,281 --> 01:08:40,866
He said, "All right. Go ahead."
1406
01:08:42,201 --> 01:08:44,245
[audience chuckles]
1407
01:08:44,954 --> 01:08:46,372
I said, "Daddy..."
1408
01:08:47,289 --> 01:08:49,917
And my heart is racin'
'cause this is the first time
1409
01:08:49,917 --> 01:08:53,420
I was getting ready
to say it out loud to anybody.
1410
01:08:55,297 --> 01:08:56,423
[Mo'Nique grunts]
1411
01:08:57,883 --> 01:08:59,260
I said, "Daddy,
1412
01:09:00,594 --> 01:09:04,056
I wanna be with another woman, sexually."
1413
01:09:06,100 --> 01:09:12,148
And he looked at me, so beautifully
and so patient and so loving...
1414
01:09:14,108 --> 01:09:15,943
and said, "Bitch, me too!"
1415
01:09:15,943 --> 01:09:17,278
[audience laughs]
1416
01:09:18,612 --> 01:09:22,366
He said, "You find that bitch,
and we will fuck that bitch together!"
1417
01:09:22,867 --> 01:09:26,579
He said, "Is that what's been fuckin'
with you all these years, bitch?"
1418
01:09:26,579 --> 01:09:29,331
He said, "Pussy is amazin'!"
1419
01:09:29,331 --> 01:09:34,003
I was like, "Nigga, for real!"
He said, "Bitch, go get you some pussy!"
1420
01:09:35,629 --> 01:09:39,008
[Mo'Nique chuckles]
1421
01:09:40,259 --> 01:09:43,012
And then I said to myself,
"I must keep it a fantasy."
1422
01:09:45,222 --> 01:09:47,766
"I must keep it a fantasy
because I know me."
1423
01:09:48,434 --> 01:09:51,395
"And they would talk about me
in the LGBTQ community."
1424
01:09:51,395 --> 01:09:54,440
"They would talk about me and say,
'That bitch fights for equality,
1425
01:09:54,440 --> 01:09:56,817
but that bitch
ain't willing to give equality.'"
1426
01:09:56,817 --> 01:09:58,861
- [chuckles]
- [audience laughs]
1427
01:09:59,820 --> 01:10:02,156
'Cause after you lick me,
bitch, thank you.
1428
01:10:02,156 --> 01:10:04,074
[audience laughs]
1429
01:10:06,660 --> 01:10:08,746
"You want some coffee or something?"
1430
01:10:10,873 --> 01:10:13,834
"No, ma'am. No, ma'am. No, ma'am."
1431
01:10:14,627 --> 01:10:17,087
"Don't you put your puss-- No!"
1432
01:10:18,964 --> 01:10:20,841
"Well, Mo'Nique, I did you, bitch!"
1433
01:10:20,841 --> 01:10:22,343
"And thank you!"
1434
01:10:23,135 --> 01:10:25,596
- [imitating Aibileen] "You is kind."
- [audience laughing]
1435
01:10:26,180 --> 01:10:28,182
"You is smart."
1436
01:10:28,724 --> 01:10:31,310
"You is important!"
1437
01:10:33,479 --> 01:10:35,189
Folk were asking me...
1438
01:10:36,649 --> 01:10:38,192
"How are you able
1439
01:10:39,485 --> 01:10:40,819
to keep goin'?"
1440
01:10:41,862 --> 01:10:46,075
"How are you able, bitch, to keep goin'?"
1441
01:10:46,659 --> 01:10:50,704
Because when you are born
a fat little Black girl,
1442
01:10:51,205 --> 01:10:54,375
all you want is validation and acceptance.
1443
01:10:54,375 --> 01:10:56,627
That's all the fuck you want.
1444
01:10:56,627 --> 01:11:00,381
You just want motherfuckas to accept you.
1445
01:11:00,381 --> 01:11:04,218
And you will do anything you can
to try to get that acceptance.
1446
01:11:04,218 --> 01:11:06,804
You fightin'
for that motherfuckin' acceptance.
1447
01:11:06,804 --> 01:11:09,139
And when I got older,
I said, "You know what, Mo'Nique?"
1448
01:11:09,139 --> 01:11:13,686
"What you gotta do
is accept shit and be okay with shit."
1449
01:11:13,686 --> 01:11:15,688
So I had to accept the fact
1450
01:11:16,313 --> 01:11:19,984
that my father
was a motherfuckin' alcoholic
1451
01:11:19,984 --> 01:11:22,194
and really didn't give a fuck
about his family.
1452
01:11:22,194 --> 01:11:27,283
I had to accept the fact
that my mother was a goddamn gambler
1453
01:11:27,283 --> 01:11:29,827
and would gamble away
any motherfuckin' thing.
1454
01:11:29,827 --> 01:11:31,787
I had to accept the fact
1455
01:11:31,787 --> 01:11:34,581
that my oldest brother
was a goddamn molester.
1456
01:11:34,581 --> 01:11:37,501
I had to accept the fact
that my other brother
1457
01:11:37,501 --> 01:11:41,213
signed my name to motherfuckin' documents
and fucked with my reputation.
1458
01:11:41,213 --> 01:11:44,049
I don't judge it.
It's just what the fuck it is.
1459
01:11:44,049 --> 01:11:48,679
So it allowed me to accept...
when people were telling me what I wasn't.
1460
01:11:48,679 --> 01:11:52,057
When motherfuckas told me,
"You're no Dave Chappelle."
1461
01:11:52,057 --> 01:11:54,268
"You're no Amy Schumer."
1462
01:11:54,268 --> 01:11:56,437
"You're no Chris Rock."
1463
01:11:56,437 --> 01:11:58,605
Them motherfuckas was right.
1464
01:11:58,605 --> 01:12:01,775
Because my name is Mo'Nique.
1465
01:12:01,775 --> 01:12:03,861
[audience cheering and applauding]
1466
01:12:03,861 --> 01:12:07,156
["My Name Is Mo'Nique" playing]
1467
01:12:10,617 --> 01:12:12,077
♪ Hey, my sweet babies ♪
1468
01:12:15,581 --> 01:12:16,957
[Mo'Nique] Oh!
1469
01:12:18,292 --> 01:12:19,501
Oh!
1470
01:12:21,462 --> 01:12:22,463
Oh!
1471
01:12:26,300 --> 01:12:27,676
[man 17 whoops]
1472
01:12:27,676 --> 01:12:29,762
[audience whooping]
1473
01:12:32,056 --> 01:12:33,932
[Mo'Nique whoops]
1474
01:12:38,020 --> 01:12:41,774
[audience chanting] Mo'Nique! Mo'Nique!
Mo'Nique! Mo'Nique! Mo'Nique!
1475
01:12:41,774 --> 01:12:48,572
Mo'Nique! Mo'Nique! Mo'Nique! Mo'Nique!
1476
01:12:48,572 --> 01:12:51,700
["My Name Is Mo'Nique" continues playing]
1477
01:12:58,082 --> 01:13:00,417
♪ Hey, my sweet babies ♪
1478
01:13:31,865 --> 01:13:33,158
{\an8}♪ Yes ♪
1479
01:13:49,633 --> 01:13:51,760
♪ Hey, my sweet babies ♪
1480
01:14:19,079 --> 01:14:20,205
♪ Yes ♪
1481
01:14:40,726 --> 01:14:42,603
♪ Hey, my sweet babies ♪
1482
01:15:10,255 --> 01:15:11,298
♪ Yes ♪
1483
01:15:43,664 --> 01:15:45,666
[song fades out]