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Shit.
Shitting shit. Shit, shit, shit!
Mm-hmm.
Ugh.
The gods whisper to the warrior,
"You will not withstand the fury."
Hi-yah!
The warrior whispers back…
Hi-yah!
Whoa!
…"I am the fury!"
I am the fury.
Hey.
Hey, how you doing?
All good in the hood.
Nice.
So,
wanna help me with a vid for my channel?
Nah, I don't know.
Please.
Please. Please.
-I'm really busy. -Please, Lena.
-No. No. -Please. Please!
Oh, my God. I said no.
-Please! Please. -No. No!
The gods whisper to the warrior, "You will not withstand the fury."
The warrior whispers back…
Hi-yah!
Yah!
…"I am the fury."
It's all good. Get up. Shake it off.
Why can't I get it?
-You're fine. That was dope, though. -Okay.
All right. Okay.
Ria, you got this. You're amazing.
You're sick. You're dope. You're awesome.
I am the fury.
Hi-yah!
Cut.
Lads, I'm nervous.
You got this.
You done all the necessary paperwork. You're golden.
-What is that? -It's Marc Jacobs. It'll hide the scent.
You can't let Spence smell your fear. She's a bloodhound for the stuff.
Desist, man.
Relax.
Hey. Handshake.
-Handshake. -Handshake.
-One. -Two.
-Three. -Click.
-Virgins. -Your dad's a slag, Edith!
Ms. Khan, would you say a career as a stuntwoman is a serious one?
Affirmative.
If it's an arse-kicking you're after, I could give you that for free.
Alba's doing her work experience with an actor.
How is that any more serious?
Well, that's with Alba's aunt at the Royal Shakespeare Company.
That's different.
Then why isn't Kovacs studying the inner workings of money laundering
with her father in prison?
It was insider trading, you prick.
It says here that you'd like to do your internship with stuntwoman Eunice Huthart.
Yes. A leading light on the UK stunt scene.
Best of British.
And has this Eunice Huthart agreed to have you work with her?
Uh…
Dear Eunice, um,
just checking you got my last email.
Like I said, you are literally my favorite stuntwoman.
Like, ever since I saw you backflip off that helicopter,
I knew the only thing I ever wanted to be was a stunt--
I'm sure Dr. Gupta would love to have you work with him at his pharmacy.
No. No. I am not gonna be a doctor.
No way. Forget it.
Do I look like a doctor to you?
Yeah, mate, you do.
That's all.
Orwellian tactics, man.
Yeah, you don't need some piddly career week bollocks to fulfill your destiny.
Oi!
Stuntwoman.
Show us a stunt, then.
Piss off, Kovacs.
I've had enough of your shite for one morning.
Minus ten house points.
Insubordination.
You can't minus house points.
Oh,
I think you'll find I can.
Leave it, Ria.
Yeah, come on. Let's go. It's not worth it.
No.
Let's dance.
-Mmm. -Suit yourself, then.
Kovacs versus Khan, people!
-Khan versus Kovacs! -Come on.
Hi-yah!
Damage to school property.
Minus ten house points.
Khan struggles to prove her salt as a stuntwoman.
-But you've got to admire her tenacity. -Mmm.
Spence was right.
You should be a doctor.
I'm not a stinking doctor.
Ooh!
Dr. Khan.
It just sounds right.
Yeah, well, your dad doesn't love you.
-Ooh! -Yeah, he does.
Ooh, daddy issues.
He just bought me a car!
But you gotta ask yourself, did he remember your birthday?
Why don't you just give it up, Khan?
You're too feeble to be a stuntwoman.
I'm not feeble.
I am the fury.
You what, mate?
I am the fury!
The flying reverse spin kick.
Will…
she…
land…
it?
Ooh!
Unlucky.
Ladies, have some decorum, for God's sake.
In my office, Ms. Khan. Now.
Lena?
♪ Mama said there'll be days like this ♪
♪ There'll be days like this, Mama said ♪
Lena?
♪ Mama said there'll be days like this ♪
♪ There'll be days like this ♪
Hey, Ma.
I'm late. Hi.
-Where's Lena? -Uh, in her room.
Where are my keys?
Oh. Huh.
What's with the scarfy thing?
Oh, I just thought it'd be a nice pop of color, but no?
-Don't you think-- Not good? -No, no.
It's good. Real first lady chic.
Oh, good. Okay. Gotta go. Love you.
-Bye. Bye. -Okay. Love you. Bye.
Bye.
Lena!
-Please! Please, Lena! -No. I said no! I don't wanna!
-Please! -All right, fine!
Salim doesn't like any girl I show him.
-And I show him only the best girls. -Mmm.
Allah, he's so picky.
He's like, "Ma, I don't like this one."
And I'm like, "Okay, how about this one?"
And he's like, "No."
It's good for the boy to be picky.
Mm-hmm. He's such a wonderful boy, mashallah.
-Mashallah. -Mashallah.
He's been working so hard setting up his new lab.
And I'm like, Allah, please let him find a nice girl.
-Inshallah, he will. -Inshallah.
Inshallah.
Fatima, how are the girls?
Uh…
They're fine. Just-- Just great.
-Three count. -Yeah.
-Double knee. -One, two.
Nice. You've really improved since your last vid. Guard up.
-Really? You really think so? -Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Three count.
♪ Dance, free yourself ♪
♪ Free them, dance ♪
Eunice still hasn't responded to my email.
Don't worry. I'm sure she will.
♪ Free us ♪
Dodge.
Three count.
So, when are you thinking about going back?
Eh, don't wanna talk about it. Double.
I saw Lena yesterday.
I saw her too. Looking very pale.
Not in a good way, bechari.
Lena? Oh, no. She's fine.
-I heard she dropped out of art school. -Oh…
No. She's-- She's just taking time out to weigh up her options.
And what are her options?
She is very pretty at least. Mashallah.
Mashallah.
Hmm?
Mm-mmm.
You are looking much better, Lena, jaan.
Thanks, Baba.
I showered.
-Good girl. -Good girl.
You know, Saclain is looking for a receptionist for his dentist practice.
-If you wanted to work there-- -Rafe. Are you mad?
-Come on. That is not cool. -What? What did I do?
She's not gonna be a receptionist. How would that look?
Uh, she's an artist. Not a pencil-pounding desk shagger.
-Honestly, receptionist? -What?
Lena's going back to art school soon, anyway.
-Aren't you, Lena? -Uh, no.
Lena was a brave girl.
She realized that art school was not serious,
so she's come home.
-Mmm. -It was very brave. Good girl.
Shabash.
No, that's BS.
-Lena, tell them. -Leave it, Ria.
I'm sorry, okay?
I think we just need to iron out a couple of things in this household.
Lena is going to be an artist.
And I…
am going to be a stuntwoman.
Ria, not that again. Please, child.
-What? -Ria, Khuda kay liye.
Can you just stop it with this stuntwoman crap?
Do you think your father sends you to that school for you to be a stuntwoman?
-Yes? -Uh, no.
And I don't wanna hear another peep
about any of this artist "shartist" stuntwoman crap, okay?
Raheela Auntie has invited us to her Eid soiree,
and I don't wanna hear any of this when we're at her place.
How'd you wangle an invite to that?
Aren't we too low-born for such esteemed company?
-No, no. -No.
Raheela and I--
We have a lot in common. We're in the same mah-jongg group.
-We're friends. -Ah.
Mazel tov.
I'm happy for you, Ma. Really, I am.
But there isn't a chance in France me or Lena are gonna be caught dead
at some hoity-toity, pretentious Eid soir--
-Shit. -Shit.
Shit.
Come on.
Oh, my God!
Fatima!
You came!
Eid Mubarak.
Eid Mubarak, Raheela. Eid Mubarak.
-Husband. -Eid Mubarak.
-Girls. -Eid Mubarak.
Hello. God! Look at you guys.
So slim!
Come. Let me take you to the parlor where Salim and all the young people are.
Come on!
Salim?
I knock on the door, and he's sat behind his desk.
He looks me up and down and he goes,
"Is that what you're wearing?"
Can I get anyone a drink? Does anyone want any more…
Hey. I was still drinking that.
He's not a banker, so he's not evil.
But he's still got shitloads of money, so I totally would.
He's fitter than God.
You reckon God's fit?
I always imagined this, like, old, beardy, fat guy.
Get this, he's a doctor.
Doctor.
A geneticist.
Saving babies and shit. Making sure their chromosomes aren't wonky.
Apparently, he's looking to settle. Get his wife on, as they say.
Look at them. Parading themselves around for some wife-hungry, womanizing skeeze.
I'd let him womanize me any day of the week.
That was-- That was so funny.
What a prick.
I hear he's actually quite nice.
Biscuits are nice.
Allow this. I'm gonna explore.
Geek.
-Salim. -Hmm?
Come here, bachcha. Come here.
-Yeah. -What?
-Is something there? -It's nothing.
Mm-hmm.
There you go.
You look so handsome.
What?
Lena.
What the…
Jezah. Jezah.
Something isn't right here. Where's Lena?
-Yeah. -Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, my God. You know?
Golden boy wants a bad girl.
Typical.
That's why we were invited.
Obvi. He sampled what the community has to offer.
Hello.
-Hi. -Hi.
Apparently, art school dropout is his flavor of choice--
Dick.
He's such a lovely boy. I know you'll like him.
Mom, please.
It's just a casual hangout. You need to stop with all this.
This is unsafe, Lena. It's a trap.
Oh, my God, Ria. Chill out. It is just a bit of fun.
Yeah, Ria. Chill out.
He's looking for a wife. Like, actively seeking.
So sweet.
Uh, no. Not sweet. Evil.
-He's got an enormous wedding boner. -Oi!
Cool. I'll take the piss out of him for it.
No, you cannot. I forbid you.
Okay, guys, we need to take a breather here.
I'm a dropout. I'm hardly prime wedding material.
True. That is true.
No. No, no, no.
You're-- You're pretty, you're thin, you're charming.
Not like that Seema's daughter with her giant ankles.
-Ma, that is not okay. -Ma, not cool. That's harsh.
Why? Why?
Why are you wearing a cardigan? You don't wear cardigans.
Ria, shut up.
Beti, you look lovely.
Fine. Shag him, then cut him loose. Clean and simple.
-What is wrong with you? -Ow!
♪ Now this is for my gangsters ♪
♪ And this is for my thugs ♪
♪ And this is for my sisters ♪
♪ I know you need some love ♪
♪ Hmm ♪
♪ I laugh in the faces Of all these people dismissing me ♪
♪ Every day in my DMs I know that you really-- ♪
Don't even think about it.
So do you do this often then?
Do what?
Dates with random women.
Well, not random women.
Oh, no. Mother-approved women, of course.
God, do I seem like that much of a whipped mummy's boy to you?
-Don't answer that. -Okay.
Is she, um-- Is she really busting your balls to settle down then?
Well, I mean, like, the normal amount for a Pakistani mother with an only son.
-So a lot? -Yeah, a lot.
Oh, no.
-You picked the art in the house? -Yeah.
-Do you know it's terrible? It's-- -It's not-- Oh, my God.
So,
what do you do?
Um…
I--
-I used to go to art school. -Mm-hmm.
But, um,
not anymore.
Um…
Yeah, it didn't really work out.
So, to answer your question, what do I do, uh,
I-- I disappoint my parents.
That's what I do.
LOL.
You know, um…
I feel like there's this huge pressure these days to, like, do a thing.
You know, the thing we do that's supposed to define us.
I think it's really great to just allow yourself to be,
you know, working it out.
Yeah?
Yeah.
You know, my sensei told me my kicks are getting better, Ma.
Mmm. Okay.
-Laters. -Have fun, darling.
Oh, come on. Really, Lena?
You're not seeing him again, are you?
At least take off that bastard cardigan!
-Oi! -Ow.
Come on.
She's seeing him, like, every other day. She's not doing her art.
-She's wearing cardigans. -Rough.
She's meant to be on her path to becoming a great artist.
Just relax, man. This is all normal.
She's in her second act.
What?
Act one, Lena splashes onto the art school scene,
a spicy ingenue with a killer brushstroke.
Act two, even with all the talent in the world,
she's hit with-- Boom! Crisis.
Crisis!
She thinks she's shite.
Confidence depleted, where does she find herself?
-At a low point. -A trough.
Rock effing bottom.
Seeking temporary solace in the firm bosom of a fit guy.
Will she ever return to her art?
Uh, act three. Yeah, she bloody does.
Hey, Li.
Wanna help me with a vid?
Sorry, Ri Ri, I can't.
What?
Wait, Li.
Maybe when I'm back. Get out of my room.
Fight.
Set.
Dear Eunice, sorry to email again.
I know you must be super busy working on a Marvel or a Star War,
so don't worry about not responding.
Stay loose.
I'm still doing my fight videos and training every week.
Hi-yah!
I've almost mastered your flying reverse spin kick.
Almost.
Well, my sister thinks I'm getting better, and she would know.
She watches all my vids.
She's been seeing this guy who I think is a bit of a smarmy wanker.
Excuse my French.
I mean, what is it with men? Am I right?
I'm no expert, but they just seem to destroy things.
-The economy, the ozone, the rain forests. -Keep going.
I just… I don't know.
It's like the whole universe revolves around them,
bending to their will.
Ooh!
Maybe it's time the universe bends to someone else.
If you're ever free for a coffee or, like, an informal chat, I'd love that.
Warm regards, Ria Khan.
Unless she'll be in charge.
Lena. Lena.
What's going on?
Ria, come. Say your salaams.
Ria, come in. Hmm.
Hi, Ria. How was school?
Ria?
Ria.
This is Salim Shah.
He's 32, big shot, geneticist, setting up some fancy new lab.
He's also the mastermind behind derailing Lena's future.
The lecherous, loathsome cad.
The poo-face.
Sisters,
this is more than just act two wobbles.
Lena has been brainwashed by this wife-hunting maniac
who's chosen her to be his trophy bride.
And she is too sad and mind-shat to see what is going on.
So that leaves it to us to break off this sham wedding.
Who's with me?
Down with the patriarchy!
Let's decimate this mother!
Huzzah!
Cool, so what's the plan?
Phase one.
Diplomacy.
So, like,
chatting?
Yeah, like, verbiage. Strongly worded verbiage.
Cease and desist, etcetera, etcetera.
Diplomacy!
This is uncool, Ba. Highly uncool.
Lena is not in her right mind.
Ria, it's hard for you girls to find a suitable match these days
because you're operating in a free market.
And you shouldn't see it like, "Oh, no. Lena's got an arranged marriage." No.
You should see it like Lena has outsourced the search for a suitable match to us,
so that we then carry out the necessary due diligence,
saving her from investing any unnecessary emotional capital
whilst providing her with a maximum yield.
What?
Listen, I'm not some kind of big villain, okay?
I let her go to art school, didn't I?
That's more than any of the other mothers.
Do you know how much shit I got for that?
No. He is good for her.
With all due respect, Ma,
that is a load of balls.
Ria, you're being dramatic.
I'm being dramatic? I'm being dramatic?
Yeah.
You've been seeing this guy for not even a month,
-and you're marrying him. -I know.
That's dramatic. You're being dramatic.
Yeah, well, he needs to get married before the move to Singapore.
Singapore? You're moving to Singapore?
Yeah, well.
Beats being here.
Wow. So you're doing a Jane Austen then.
-Nice. -I'm not doing a Jane Austen.
Well, throwing your life away to marry some rich Mr. Darcy wanker
sounds pretty 1800s retro, if you ask me.
Hmm.
If you can't support me, then you need to stay out of my life.
-Lena. -Get out.
I knew diplomacy wasn't gonna work. When has it ever worked?
Yeah. Humanity's pretty basic.
Phase two.
We need to find some dirt on Salim.
That should be easy. Pretty little rich boy.
Give me 20 minutes with his laptop, and I'll nail him.
-Easy. -Nice.
How are we gonna get his laptop?
He goes to the gym every day after work before he picks up Lena.
All right. So we break into his gym locker,
steal his lappy, download everything and whistleblow this bitch.
We'll need to get into the changing room.
The men's changing room.
We'll need disguises.
How do I look?
Yeah.
Good.
Virile.
-Sal, how you doing? -Hey. How are you?
The eagle has landed.
I repeat. The eagle has landed.
Just remember, back straight, tits in, and swagger-- Two, three, four.
Whoa. Sorry.
Bingo.
The eagle is on the treadmill.
I repeat. The eagle is on the treadmill.
You don't have to repeat everything, numbnuts.
Copy that, ball bag.
Okay, people.
Target is in sight.
Remember, time is money.
-Hurry! -All right.
Here we go.
-Five minutes. -Wait.
Wait a minute.
He's on the move.
-Bollocks. -What?
Thirty minutes.
Thirty minutes? What do you mean?
I mean what I said.
I thought you were the techy one.
I am the techy one.
Well, live by the sword, die by the sword.
Ria, are you hearing this? Ria?
Ria, it's gonna be at least 30 minutes.
Repeat. Thirty minutes.
He's heading back to the changing rooms.
We need to abort mission.
-No. No. No. -Abort. Abort.
Abort!
No. Keep going.
Salim.
-Do you come here a lot? -Oh, no, I just, uh--
They have a great…
Zumba class.
Love me some Zumba.
Sounds like a great class.
Naima, Amina, Seema, Rubina.
You've been through quite the collection of women to get to Lena.
Yeah, I-- I know how it looks.
Basically, my mum set up all these weird dates, so I had to meet them.
It would've been rude not to, you know?
You do everything your mum says?
Well, she's sacrificed a lot for me,
so I try to make her happy where I can.
But, um…
But, look, Ria.
I know it's gotta be hard for you.
I know that you and Lena are super close. I just--
I want you to know,
I really love your sister.
All right, then.
What are her best qualities?
Oh, you're serious. Okay.
Um, she's kind,
generous.
Just a really thoughtful--
Download complete.
Hurry.
Alba, just remember, his locker is number 14.
Just try to blend in.
Heavenly Father, give me strength.
Done.
Good day to you.
Good day.
Ria?
Ria.
Ria!
Lena.
So, you bumped into him at the gym, huh?
Really?
No. I followed his movements and tracked him down.
I wanted to meet him.
Seeing as he's my soon-to-be brother-in-law.
What did I tell you about staying out of my life?
Oops.
No, wait, Li!
I told you to piss off!
I'm not gonna let you throw your life away.
He says he loves you, and he doesn't even know you.
He thinks you're kind.
I am kind.
No, you're not. You're arrogant.
You're egotistical.
You're an artist.
The sooner you get out of this Stepford wife, cardigan phase,
the better for everyone!
That was the phase, Ria!
This is me.
-This is me! -Bullshit!
The Lena that I know would never give up on her art.
Well, boo-hoo, she did.
-Why? -Because I'm not good enough!
Happy?
Is that what you want?
-Because I'm not good enough. -Lena.
Girls, I don't care who started it.
Just clean it up and get down here.
Coming, Ma!
Come on. Come on.
There must be something. There has got to be something.
Nothing dodgy, man.
As far as I understand, he's doing really good work helping out sick babies.
Yeah. Consultations, a lot of pro boner stuff.
Pro bono.
Yeah.
You said "pro boner." It's "pro bono."
Well, whatever it is,
your man, Salim, is one sexy mensch.
Okay.
So we haven't found any dirt on our man,
but we're gonna plant some.
Um, Ria,
do you think this is something that Lena actually, you know, wants?
-What? No, no. No, no-- -Ria, think about it.
I mean, he's buff.
He's saving babies.
Ria, he's taking her off to a tropical island.
I mean, maybe you're just-- I don't know.
-A bit jealous. -Jealous?
Okay. Piss off, okay? How could I be jealous?
She's got a tropical island and a fit guy. What have you got?
Hormonal acne and geography coursework.
You think I want a fit guy?
Ha! Okay, I am going to be a stuntwoman,
and Lena is gonna be a great artist,
and nothing is going to stop us.
Especially not some pretty boy with nice teeth!
Do you hear me?
Whoo! Maybe we should take five. Get some air.
Maybe you should just, like, fuck off.
-What? -Excuse you?
Well, if you're not gonna help, you can do one.
Wow. So, that's the thanks we get?
Charming.
Come on, Alba.
…matriarch mother,
who is often the oldest and largest female…
Grim.
…animals in the wild…
Ummi?
Quiet, baby.
Yes.
Ria?
Are you-- Are you--
Are you mad?
Are you an insane person? Huh?
Speak! Why would you--
You were planting used condoms?
-You're disgusting, Ria. -No. I know. I know, I know.
But lis-- listen. Lis--
Look. Look what I found!
Look!
Have you got another wife you wanna tell us about, Salim, huh?
-What? -Ria.
Maybe you're just hoarding wives in Singapore.
You've probably got a whole harem of women, like wives in different ports.
Hos in different area codes.
Lena. Lena, he's dangerous. I told you. I told you!
Ria! Enough.
It's Huda.
Oh.
"Oh." That's all you're gonna say?
Wait, you know about her?
This is Huda,
my last wife. She--
She passed away.
What?
When she was going into labor,
she had a heart attack,
but the doctors didn't know what it was.
It wasn't the usual signs.
I'm sorry.
At my new lab, we're gonna focus on women's symptoms
so things like this don't happen.
-I-- I didn't know. -Of course you didn't know.
You're just running around in your little fantasyland,
making up stupid stories, doing your stupid little stunts,
and I'm sick of it, Ria.
I just-- I--
I want you-- I want you to be an artist.
For Christ's sake, I am not an artist!
And you are not a stuntwoman.
-Baby. -No.
I-- I'm so done with this.
Okay, now you listen to me.
When we get home, you are going to go to your room and stay in your room.
No Internet, no gadgets, no phones, no nothing.
You go to school, you come home. You go to your room, stay in your room.
Do you understand this?
Are you ready?
One.
Two.
-Three. -Dear Eunice…
Four. Five.
…don't worry about not responding.
I just thought I'd let you know I've given up on being a stuntwoman.
Oi, Billy No-Mates.
What about a rematch, stunty?
Thought you'd miss my foot up your arse.
No. You were right.
My parents say I've got an overactive imagination
and that I should concentrate on my studies.
But I just wanted to let you know
you'll always be my favorite.
I think I've really messed things up with my sister.
She's not talking to me anymore.
What if she never talks to me again?
Morning.
How much did we drink last night?
Oh, my God!
-No, no, no. I-- -What's wrong?
I'm really sorry.
What? Why?
I just "perioded" all over your sheets.
No, I just-- I thought something was actually wrong.
No, you-- You don't understand. It's, like--
It-- It's really bad. I have a very heavy flow.
It's, like, biblical.
-I'm so sorry. -It's fine. It's fine.
Just wait there. I think my mum's got some bits.
Oh, my-- Oh, no.
Ria's quite the rebel, huh?
Um, yeah, she's--
She's, um, really sorry for what she did.
She gets these stories in her head.
It's sweet how much she cares about you.
A little bit terrifying, but sweet.
Yeah. Yeah.
So, I'm really excited for the fittings today.
Ah.
Yes.
It'll be a long day,
so make sure to take some of these.
Iron?
Yes. Your period is heavy. You lost a lot of blood.
Mum, seriously?
You told her?
A heavy flow is a blessing. It means your womb is strong.
Oh, my God. Mum, can you stop?
Salim, we women shouldn't have to hide our bodies.
I know.
Not everyone is comfortable talking about it at breakfast.
No, it's fine. It's fine.
Thank you.
Thank you for saying that.
And for being so open.
You can tell me anything.
She will forgive you, Ri.
Just give her time.
When you love someone so much,
it's hard to let them go.
Yeah.
Now, you know what you have to do.
Uh, assalamu alaikum, Auntie Raheela.
I-- I just wanted to apologize for breaking into your home,
trying to frame your son,
accusing him of philandering,
uh, generally uncool behavior. Um…
I'm sorry.
Uh, I'm really sorry.
Ria, stop with all that. Come on in.
You know what you need when you're feeling down?
Cuticle care. I'm having a spa day.
-Come on in. -Whoa!
Mmm.
Don't you love getting pampered?
Mmm.
We women need to be pampered regularly to keep us on an even keel, you know?
Yeah.
Sure.
Gotta keep those cuticles in check.
Show me.
Wonderful.
It's time for waxing.
-Come on. -Waxing?
Um, I think I'll just shave or whatever, um, for the wedding.
Shave?
Never shave.
Your hair will grow back twice as thick if you shave.
Come on. Let's go.
Oh.
I think it might be good if you and I had a little talk.
Um, uh-- Sure. Maybe after this?
No.
I think now is a good time.
It's really hot. It's too hot.
No, no, no! Please. Please.
You don't want this wedding to go ahead, and you are trying to stop it.
If you think you can bullshit me, you better think again.
No one bullshits me.
You could never know what I gave up for that boy.
What I did to shape and fashion him.
Behind every great man, there's a very tired mother
who has sacrificed everything for her beautiful boy.
Well, if you love him so much, why don't you marry him?
Lena wouldn't have been my first choice,
but Salim thinks she's the perfect one.
So what can I say?
No chance. She's an artist.
Bitch!
Ria, darling, this wedding is going to happen.
And as Allah is my witness,
I will strike down you or anyone else who tries to get in my way.
How about the bikini area?
No, no, no. Please.
Get her!
Ria.
Where are you, Ria?
Ria. Ria.
What?
No, no.
Ria? Oh, Ria.
Where are you, darling?
You didn't finish your treatment.
You're uneven.
Khuda hafiz, meri jaan!
Okay, but I understand you like that,
-but the choice is red or blue. -Yeah.
What--
Ria, what's going on?
What happened?
Raheela Auntie called. Said you were behaving strangely.
What?
What have you done?
Uh, no, no. I'm fine.
I had a great time.
She-- She's really nice.
I said sorry, and-- and she seemed really cool, so…
We got manicures.
I went for red.
Well, show me.
Is that Sexy Minx?
No, no.
It's Orgasmatron.
Nice.
Uh, Ma, can I have a word?
In private.
Mama. Ma, Ma, Ma.
You cannot let Lena marry Salim. You cannot. You cannot.
-Please. Okay? You cannot. -Ria, enough.
No. He's got a secret lab, and he's doing secret tests on her,
and he's gonna inseminate her with this weird hybrid alien or something.
Ria, stop it. Stop it.
This is not funny. It's not funny.
You've-- You upset your sister enough--
Ma, I'm being serious.
-Can't you just be happy for her? -No, no, listen! Okay, listen.
We have to stop this now, please. Okay?
Maybe Raheela is right.
What-- Right about what?
It's not unusual for adolescents to have--
to have episodes when they experience unexpected change.
No, no. What? No. Ma, I'm fine.
She suggested a retreat.
A retreat?
For kids who are struggling to adjust.
It might be good for you.
Okay.
Ma, believe me, okay?
I'm fine.
Believe me.
I am absolutely fine.
Then will you drop it?
Good.
Now get some rest.
And save your energy for the wedding.
Oh, my goodness! I'm so excited.
Good to see you too.
-Um, do you think I have enough… -It's all right. I've got it.
Right.
Yay. Come on.
I'm coming.
What do you want?
I'm really sorry. I got carried away. I'm sorry.
No shit.
I mean, telling us to piss off when we risked our lives--
-Academic careers. -Our academic careers to help you.
Yeah, that was a real bastard move.
I know. I'm sorry. I just--
I need you, please. Okay, everything-- I don't know what to do.
Nope. Sorry, mate.
Can't help. Sozzles.
Okay. Please-- Okay.
You were right, okay? You were right.
Salim's fit, and he's nice, and he's taking her to paradise, but--
but--
But I found something.
A lab?
Yeah. He scanned all the women at the Eid soiree,
collected all of this data.
-Oh, mate. -What kind of data?
I don't know. Like, uterus strength, fertility--
Oh, mate.
And Lena was the ideal host.
Oh, mate.
Host for what?
I don't know.
Mutant hybrid super soldiers.
All I know is, he's flying her out to Singapore the night of the wedding.
I have to do something.
Hey.
We have to do something.
Yeah. We're not letting you do this alone.
Handshake?
-One. -Two.
-Three. -Click.
Such virgins.
-Go away, Edith! -Your dad's a slag. Your mum's a slag.
-Edith, you contemptible shrew! -And your cat's a slag too!
So how are we gonna get to her?
The only time we get a clean shot at Lena is at the wedding.
We need a diversion to get Lena out.
Yeah, at what cost?
Dignity, apparently.
I still can't believe your mum's letting you dance at the wedding.
Yeah, well, she thinks it'll help me get more involved.
Little does she know, mischief is afoot.
Bloody hell. Bloody hell. Bloody hell. This is crazy.
-This is crazy. -Just shush.
But chloroform? Really?
Isn't that a bit-- You know, a bit of a trope?
There's a reason why tropes are tropes. It's because they work!
What if she's brain-dead?
How long was I out?
Six minutes.
Plenty.
Okay, so we get Lena out.
Then what?
Then we make our getaway.
How?
Go die in a ditch.
You think I'd lend you my car?
My dad got it for me for my 16th. It's a collectible.
Please. My sister's about to be inseminated
with some radioactive sperm or something.
Pity.
You're failing history.
You mocking me, Khan?
No. No, no, no.
We will do your history coursework for the rest of the year.
Yeah. We just need the car.
So we're going to kidnap Lena at her own wedding?
Yep.
Seriously, Kovacs. Man, pick up the pace.
Yeah, we are on a schedule.
My dad's gonna kill me for this.
I'm literally dead.
Death comes to us all, man.
What the-- Why would you say that, man?
Well,
don't you clean up nice.
Likewise.
I'm going to see if Lena needs anything.
Good girl.
I've got my eye on you.
Nuh-uh.
And you are?
Sister. I'm the sister of the bride.
Ria.
I prefer "Ms. Khan."
Shit. Shit. Shit.
Everything okay?
Yeah. Yeah, sorry, um…
Just nervous about my dance.
Thank you.
How are you?
I really hate it when we fight.
Me too.
Lena, I'm really sorry.
No, you don't have to apologize.
Yeah, but I got carried away.
Yeah, but that's because you actually care.
I am so lucky to have a sister who's got my back.
-Lena, listen, I-- -No, wait. Um…
I didn't mean what I said about you not being a stuntwoman.
I was just pissed off.
You are going to be such a great stuntwoman. I know it.
You don't have to say that.
I know I don't, but I mean it.
Thanks.
Okay.
Oh, my gosh. I'm going to miss you so much when I go to Singapore.
-Lena, I-- -What's wrong?
Yeah, but we can easily put some extra chairs around table four.
No, we can't. There's a seating plan for a reason.
Is everything okay?
Yes. Everything's perfect.
Okay.
You relax, my darling.
We're here, Khan.
You know what? I'm-- I'm just gonna go and-- and do some more practicing.
-Okay. -Yeah.
Smarten up, everyone. Please.
Can you stop?
I'm getting into character.
No time, okay? No time!
These needed to be ready ten minutes ago, okay?
Uh, you two, what time do you call this?
Leave your bags in the back and get on the floor now.
-Go on. -Yep. Yep. Yep.
We're in.
Good. I'm heading down.
FYI, there's a guard outside Lena's room,
packing heat.
What? Packing heat?
It means he's got a firearm, dickhead.
Yeah, I know what it means, you ding-dong.
I'm just shocked. I am allowed to be shocked.
We didn't plan for this.
It's just Raheela trying to spook me.
We stick to the plan.
Nothing changes.
Just be ready to get Lena out.
You got this.
Yeah, mate. You got this.
Here we go.
So pretty!
She's dancing.
What do you mean she's dancing? Huh?
-She's not supposed to be dancing yet. -What?
The little brat.
You're not going anywhere.
No one can see you till the big reveal.
Beti, I'll come back. You just--
-Raheela! Raheela. -Wait-- Mum!
-Wait for me. -Mum!
There they are.
Those mothers.
We need to hurry.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you doing?
Tea's not for another three hours.
Uh, um, uh…
Ms. Raleeha-- I mean, Ms. Shah asked us to bring tea immediately
-to Ms.-- Ms. Lena. -'Cause it's her t-- It's--
It's her time.
Heavy flow.
Uh, yeah, whatever.
Hmm.
Greetings.
Tea for the bride.
Sent by Raheela.
To settle Lena's stomach.
It's her time.
Heavy flow.
Tea for the bride.
Alba.
Clara.
What are you doing here?
-Massively sorry about this. -About what?
This.
Mother's on the move. Hurry.
Let go. Let-- Let go of me!
Oh, God. Oh, God.
-What if she's dead? -Positive mental attitude.
Come on!
Thank you, Ms. Lena.
Let us know if there's anything else that you want.
Go, go, go, go. Go!
Go, go, come on. Go, go.
Guys, guys! She's almost there.
Push the button!
-I'm pushing the button! -Wha--
Raheela.
Hurry.
-Push the button. Push it. -I was literally pushing it.
Pushed it 20 times. What do you think I'm doing?
-Just push it. Alba. -Pushing the button. Look.
-Alba. -Look.
-Alba. -I'm pushing it for you.
-Alba, I'm begging you. -Mate, mate.
-Begging you. -Mate, I'm pushing the button.
-Bloody hell. -Yes, there it is.
Go. Come on, come on.
Close. Close. Close!
Where is she?
Um, I'm pretty sure I saw her go outside for a smoke.
I told you not to let anyone in!
I-- I didn't. I just--
Just the tea you sent.
What tea? Bring her back! Go! Find her!
-You too. Go. Find her. -Yeah. Okay.
Yeah. I'm going. I'm going.
Where is she?
I don't know. She's probably just gone out to get a ciggy.
She gets nervous.
You think I'm stupid?
Tell me where she is.
Come to me. To me. No. To me. To me. To me.
Hey. Just come on.
-Get back. Get back. -Where is she?
-Calm down. -But I can't just calm--
Why does she always do these things?
-Ria? -Don't make me ask you again.
What's going on?
Where is she?
Up your bum. Turn left.
We're not so different, you and I.
I'm nothing like you.
I know about the secret lab, the testing.
I know everything!
Ah.
Everything, huh? Do you now?
You've been testing women,
and you want Lena's genes to create super babies, or something.
You think I want Lena's genes?
Don't be daft.
There's nothing in her genes but mediocrity.
Rude.
She's just a body.
A carrier.
A vessel.
For what?
For me.
What?
Now,
tell me where she is.
Never.
Get Lena out of here. Now.
Ria, we're not going anywhere without you.
Who are you talking to?
Whoever this is,
if you want to see Ria alive again,
you'd better bring Lena back now.
You girls these days,
you have it so easy.
Everything on a plate for you.
Me?
As soon as I finished school,
Abu married me off like that.
The only good thing that ever happened to me
was my beautiful baby boy.
He knows how much I've sacrificed for him.
And he said to me, "Mama,
I want to give you the chance you never had.
I just need the right woman.
The right match to be the carrier.
You can do it all over again."
What?
Another chance to fulfill my potential.
To be the woman I was destined to be.
A new me.
Reborn.
Clone.
Yes.
You'd think any old womb would do, but apparently not.
Dolly the sheep was one tough bitch.
Lena.
Yes.
The perfect match.
Mum, can you check my sleeve?
Salim! Help me, Salim!
Mum, what are you doing?
It's okay. I'm handling everything.
-Go back downstairs. -You left me with Auntie Nazneen.
She's so annoying. My feet hurt.
I know. You've been so, so good.
-What's taking so long? -Nothing.
-Who's my good, good boy? -I am, I am.
We're here. We're here.
Ah, about time.
Salim. Go, baby.
Lena!
Guys, no. Get her out!
Lena!
Ria!
-Lena! Lena! -Ria?
Lena!
It's all over, Ria.
No!
Please let us out. Please. Please, please, please let us out.
Come on!
She's going to use Lena as a vessel to create her own clone.
What?
Wait, what?
Straight after the ceremony, Lena's on a plane.
She'll be gone.
Let us out!
-Help! -Please! Let us out! Let us--
Oi! Be quiet!
Hey. Um…
Sounded like you guys needed some help, so, uh…
yeah.
-Yes! -Yay.
Marriage in this country
is the union of two people, voluntarily entered into for life.
If you freely undertake the obligations of marriage…
♪ My lips are cracked All black and blue ♪
♪ You're not coming for me I'm coming for you ♪
♪ You're not coming for me ♪
♪ I'm coming for you ♪
♪ Not coming for me ♪
♪ I'm coming for you ♪
♪ You're not coming for me ♪
♪ I'm coming for you ♪
♪ Not coming for me ♪
♪ You're not coming for me ♪
♪ Not coming for me ♪
♪ You're not coming for me ♪
♪ Not coming for me, not coming for me ♪
Stop!
♪ You're not coming for me ♪
Just stop. Everyone, just--
Please, just shut up. Shut your faces!
-Ria, what are you doing? -Ria!
Sorry, Ma.
Sorry, Ba. I'm really sorry, but I need to talk for, like, a sec.
You little bitch!
Stay back.
Do not tempt me.
Ria.
Lena, I know you're pissed at me for being really extra,
but, seriously, you should not marry Salim.
Ria.
-Ria. -Okay.
Okay, it's true. Like, I-- I--
I didn't want you to get married 'cause I was scared.
Like, if you can't make it at what you wanna do,
then what are the chances for me, you know?
And-- And--
No one believes in me like you do, Lena, but it's not that.
-It's just that-- -Ria.
Ria.
What are you talking about?
Li,
you need to come with me if you want to live.
Nice.
Apparently, you've got a top-quality womb,
and he wants to shove a clone of her into you.
Vah! What an imagination, mashallah.
Hey, hey, hey.
I am serious.
Ria, baby.
Put the gun down, baby. We all know you're gonna miss Lena--
No, Ma.
No, I mean--
Of course I'm gonna miss you, Li. You're my best friend.
But you cannot marry Salim.
He has a secret lab, and he and his mum
have been doing loads of weird tests on you.
Ummi.
Lena?
Baby, what's wrong?
What did you do to me?
What are you talking about?
I thought it was just a dream.
Lena. Lena, I love you.
You did tests on me.
Okay, listen. If I did any tests on you, it was to make sure you were healthy.
It was because I care.
And guess what.
You're more than healthy.
You are unlike any woman I've seen before.
What about your last wife?
She was weak.
Not like you.
Your body--
Your uterus is 1.8 times stronger than any woman's I've ever seen before.
It's magnificent.
Oh, mate!
Don't you dare.
Oi, you.
Me?
You're not going anywhere.
Come back.
Sign it.
Come here.
Sign it.
Mummy!
Lena, run!
Ria!
Go!
Girls, run.
Go. Go. Run!
Get me that womb!
Disgraceful.
How could you?
Shame on you.
No.
Shame on you.
-Watch out! -Watch out!
Run!
-Run! -Come on!
Block the door!
Give me your veil.
We'll lead them away from you. Get her out.
What? No, we are not leaving you guys.
You have to. Go!
Get her out of here.
Kovacs, but-- but your dad?
Meh.
He's a dick.
I heart you guys.
Ria, we can't hold this, Ria. Go.
We'll see you in double geography. Go.
Okay, ready? Ready.
Go!
There she goes!
No.
Nice try.
I'm gonna give you five seconds to move, before I--
Before you what?
What could you do to me?
Hey!
Let me go, you wanker!
-Ria! -Listen, Lena, I'm so sorry.
Come on! Let me go!
Ria.
Foolish, pathetic…
child.
Wretched little girl.
You almost ruined everything for me.
Get off her! Ria!
Who do you think you are?
I'll tell you who you are.
A silly girl
with silly ideas.
Big dreams.
-Ria! -But the truth is…
you're utterly unremarkable.
A tragic waste
of human life.
Ria.
No.
I am the fury.
What did you say?
Ria.
I am the fury!
-Mum! -Nice.
You drugged me.
You did tests on me.
And you tried to shove
your mum in me!
And also,
I may have a magnificent womb,
but your dick is distinctly average.
Lena. Lena. We should probs head.
Right.
-Come on. -Yeah.
-Lena! -Okay.
-Lena! -Okay!
No!
No. No. No.
Listen.
Lena…
…I'm really sorry.
Lena, sorry.
I-- I'm sorry if I ruined your day.
You did ruin my day.
But you saved my life.
I see what you did there. Dramatic.
You liked it? The old switcheroo.
I was like, "Oh, shit. Maybe--
Maybe she does wanna be a human vessel for Raheela's clone."
I'm all right, thanks.
Yeah, I figured.
So you were gonna kidnap me… …and then what?
What? What was your plan, mastermind?
Uh, right. So Alba's parents have this place in Penrith,
which is, like, a countryside sort of place,
and I-- I bought you loads of easels and canvases and acrylics.
I know how much you like acrylics.
I mean, just in case you felt like painting again.
I think I'm gonna take a minute.
Ruminate on it, you know?
Mull things over.
Sure, mull. Uh…
Mulling is good.
Whatever works for you.
I am hungry, though.
Mmm.
So, did you see my kick?
Of course I bloody did. It was magical.
-I was like, "Shit!" -Me too. Like, "Shit!"
I'm pretty sure I drew blood.
I'm pretty sure you did.
Oh. I wish I got it on camera.
That would've been so awesome for my channel.
And action.
The gods whisper to the warrior, "You will not withstand the fury."
The warrior whispers back--
Wait, hold on. You got a text.
-What's going on? Come on. -Who's it from? Let's see.
It's from Eunice.
It's from Eunice! What do I do?
-What do I do? -Read it.
Ria, sorry for my late response.
I've been busy on a Marvel.
I hope you don't give up on being a stuntwoman,
because I watched your videos and I think you're ace.
She watched my videos.
-She thinks I'm ace! -She thinks you're ace!
I agree with your sister.
You've got real potential. You could be the best.
Why don't you swing by my studio sometime next week?
We can get brunch.
Holy shit.
She wants to get brunch.
-Brunch, brunch! -Brunch! Brunch!
-Brunch, brunch! -I'm going for brunch!
-Brunch! Brunch, brunch! -Brunch! Brunch! Brunch, brunch!
-You're going brunch! Brunch! -Brunch!
-Yeah. You're going for brunch! -I'm going for brunch!
-You're going for brunch! -Yes! With Eunice!
Let's show her what you're made of.
-Okay. -Okay.
Let's go.
You got this.
Action.
The gods whisper to the warrior,
"You will not withstand the fury."
The warrior whispers back…
"I am the fury."