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You fool!
Don't move!
-Let me explain! -Stay there!
Alright, I'm listening!
I don't know where to start.
From the beginning.
No, man!
Why did you take them to the sheepfold?
If you let me tell you, I'll tell you.
Tell us about the first attempt.
Well, it wasn't, sir, any attempt! It has nothing to do with it, sir!
I mean, I don't claim. I swear.
Let's talk about the girls. Why did you take them to the sheepfold?
When I arrived at the sheepfold…
-We took them to the sheepfold… -Why?
We have to understand why we took them to the sheepfold in the first place!
But I asked you that!
Really?
Why?
Oh, my!
And just like that, dear sir and dear sir
under a tree, on a hill, in the Muierii Forest,
the first baby boy of our family is born,
Ticuță.
Wait a minute, man!
Don't tell the story from that beginning.
I told you to tell the story from the beginning.
Well, wait a minute. If you want to know how God set it all up,
just be patient and listen to me. You wanted to know, not me.
Listen, Horea!
The cuckoo!
Here, on the mountaintop.
The cuckoo seems to want to say…
To name you…
Horică!
It so happens that under the same tree, on the same hill, under--
in the same forest, I was born.
I'm born, the second baby boy in the family… me, Horică!
Milk!
And, so, dear sir,
it turns out…
under the same tree, on the same hill, in the same forest,
comes Bicuță, our little brother.
What's that got to do with our story?
Well… it does, sir! It does!
First of all, you must understand
how important Wool Day is in Rachitele.
What? You were all born on the same day?
No.
But our daddy kissed our mommies on this day!
And so, as the tradition goes… and as the saying goes…
he who kisses on Wool Day…
Gets married!
Wow!
No, man…
-Why did you take them to the sheepfold? -Well…
-If you let me tell you, I'll tell you. -Go on!
Ticuță, to the left! Come on!
Horică, to the right!
Watch out! I'm kicking!
I was so upset when the village hag kissed me!
When I was a kid…
I was afraid I'd have to marry her.
She kissed me, the village hag!
And… I haven't kissed since then.
So you found these girls and you thought, "It's time to kiss!"
Man, will you listen to what I'm saying to the end, so I can tell?
Go on.
I never thought I will kiss another one.
My brothers settled down, they had wives.
I had…
nothing.
Hand job.
I was up there,
looking at the sky…
I said: "This is no longer life!"
And then… God sent me this priest.
God was there and sent me this priest to understand
that we all wander and we're all in trouble.
Ah, Father, I'm so glad I found you! You're a heavy man!
Stay here, I'll get you back on your feet!
I'll get you back on your feet.
No, Father! That's a sign!
No! I'll fix you! I'll get you back on your feet!
But you're gonna help me, too! Stay there!
I'm gonna give you something good! Wait!
I'm gonna give moare, you'll give me wisdom!
Listen!
It's so good!
Like that, Father…
See how are you recovering? Slowly, slowly you're coming back!
There you go!
Father, you came into my life… at the right time.
I said: "Good! Good!"
I…
I'm okay with the fact that I don't have a wife.
Really?
Well, Father! God bless you!
I knew you were smart, you hid from the rain!
Good for you… It rains here… When it rains, it pours.
If you want something to drink tell me…
My family, my sheep… Me and them, we're a family.
My daddy used to say:
"The shepherd without sheep is like the earth without rain!"
That's what Daddy used to say! Daddy knew a lot of things!
And he had three children.
I have two brothers, but they've all gone to their homes.
I'm here all alone, Father!
We've got, Father, as much as you want, palinca!
Don't get upset! We have palinca!
Listen to him!
Look at this!
With this axe, in my time,
I cut down seven or eight trees at once!
I once smashed a bear's head with one of these!
Look at how we'll I've made it!
Father dear,
I sit here and wonder…
What's my business in this world?
And I think I found the answer!
You know what I'm saying? What am I living for?
Old Tica… You're gone!
New Tica… Where's he going?
What should I do?
Go, old Tica! Go on! Go!
Only the new one's left and doesn't know what to do!
You're right, Father!
In misery…
We're all in misery!
I never understood that priest of ours when he preached.
But you tell them so well that I understand!
Aye!
It's prayer time!
That's right!
We're not even praying!
THE OLD TICA
That's where I have to go.
To the village! I know now!
Yes! If you show me…
Yes! I'm going to the village! That's where I'm going!
Then I went to the village,
I sold all the sheep,
the sheepfold, for a lot of money, but I had a condition…
No… What… Let's go! I believe you! God help you! Kiss Otilia!
-Kiss Leonarda! Kiss the babies! -All the best!
-I kiss you! -Bye!
Hello and welcome, dear lady! Sit down!
All the papers are ready, just as we agreed!
Land, surface, everything!
-With all the conditions! -May I have your pen?
Sure, here you go.
And… It's a very good deal, you know!
You've bought something of quality!
God help us!
One very clear condition:
to work until I'm old enough to work here in the sheepfold!
Till I die
and they put me in the grave!
And I'm singing and moaning:
If I die, they'll put me in the grave!
World, listen to me!
That song…
Compact!
Incredible!
Who put that one together?
Why did you have to kill the mutton?
-What button, you? -Sheep!
Well, didn't you say you were hungry?
And that's all you could make to eat?
Well, what?!
Polenta!
Well, do you want to eat just polenta?
With bread?
No, no, dear sir. So…
When I arrived at the sheepfold…
Then… Why did you have to kill the mutton?
How can you eat just polenta?
I've never seen our Ticuță so angry!
Leave that fence alone! Leave it alone!
Leave it alone when I'm talking to you!
Why are you all over it?
I had to deflate the conflict.
Defuse!
-Well, what did I say? -Go on!
Come on, let the sheep go to the wolf! Let the wolf eat them!
No, the wolf talks to them! I'm a bad man! I eat them!
In anger…
Dear lady! This is mutton goulash!
Miss!
-Servus! -Servus!
-It's closed. Is it closed? -Yes.
Let me handle it!
Get out of here! Why did you lock yourself in?
You don't belong here! It's my maison!
Maison, it's my house! Get out!
Open!
Get out!
Get out of my house!
You don't belong here! It's my maison!
Can't you hear it's my house? What's all this "maison"?! Who's "maison"?
-I'm not from around here. -What?
What is she talking about?
You signed the papers, now it's my house!
I didn't sign the paper with you! I signed with that fat guy, Narcis.
That one! That bastard!
Al least, he doesn't cry!
-He doesn't? -You gave away the parental home?
It's my house!
-You keep talking… -Go, or I'm calling the police.
You gave away the parental home?
What do you want from here? What do you need from me?
-You gave the house… -Shut up!
Because you and that other one, that bastard,
you went to town and got some chicks.
I'm here. This is my house!
Did we say we don't care about the home?
You didn't! You gave a hint!
You! Wait a minute!
On the count of three! Get out!
One, two, three!
I'll catch you in Cluj!
Come on, go ahead!
Ticuță, listen…
Do you know why I came home?
-Well… It's Wool Day. -Yeah, it is!
So what? Aren't you married a second time?
Yes, I am!
-So what? -But I'm not happy!
So what?
You came here so I can teach you what happiness is?
Me, a poor man?
Go on, I don't know. I'm not a coach.
No, Tica! No! Listen to me! You know what I just realized?
I figured it out… I only kissed these two…
I did not chase them.
You know, you're supposed to run after the woman.
-The woman needs what? -She needs to be chased.
-You don't know that. -I know it very well!
It's a custom that encourages rape culture.
Horrible!
It's a barbaric custom!
But how can you stop it, if it's a custom?
Tica!
Tica, be very careful!
If I catch you going to the village and you embarrass me
by chasing women like the last caveman…
Be very careful!
I'll call the police!
No way!
Rednecks!
Listen!
-Well… -Well.
Well.
Well!
Well.
Well…
Well.
Well!
"Listen, Tica…"
"Constantin!
I understand. You can get used to it…"
I was talking with myself.
"Thinking that you don't have a wife. But that's life?"
TOLET
Ticuță, are you at the toilet?
No. I'm brooding.
And you're not gonna chase chicks?
You want me to get you back on your feet? Is that so?
No, man…
Let's just do it like we used to!
Yeah, yeah, yeah! I'm supposed to charm 'em, sweet talk 'em…
And you guys stay and reap the rewards. I'm fed up!
Man…
-This time we work together… -Get out of here! I don't need you!
I don't need anything! I don't care about any woman!
I'm only seeing sheep, understand?
That's what that priest told me!
Our priest?
Is he stupid too? God, forgive me!
He fell in love with the priestess, also on Wool Day. Are you crazy?
No, man! Not our priest. Another one! Better than him! A monk!
Not from our village.
Well, did he tell you not to kiss women or what?
Yes! Something like that!
"Something like that." Did he say that?
I don't know, he didn't speak Romanian. He was speaking that German English.
Well, if he did, how did you get along?
Just by looking. I'm telepathic!
He said family and pointed to the sheep. Come on, get out of here!
I said, "Mush, boy!"
Let's swap!
HOME-MADE PASTA
God bless us!
Hori!
-Hori! -Bicuță!
-Hey! -Bicuță!
-How are you, boy? -Good, man! Good!
I made you dirty.
-That's okay! -How are you, little one?
I've come to eat some cheese and some mici,
my wife hasn't given me any for a year!
-You're going bald, right? -No. No.
I got hair, man! Here!
But she made me wear these clothes. She said he wouldn't go out with me with…
There, on the tele-internet… With my pants ripped up my ass, she said.
And these ripped jeans are okay?
That's how a city woman thinks…
Sit here, I've got mici and I can't eat them alone!
-And, how are you doing? -Me, fine! But you…
You've come to kiss on Wool Day too, have you?
Me? No, man! I've come to eat some something.
I haven't eaten in a long time! I'm married!
-I have a wife. I almost have kids. -Have you gotten her pregnant?
-No, I haven't. -Well, then you're not "almost," man!
But I am, man.
Here!
-Are you going to hatch them? -No, man!
I told her I wanted three kids.
Three kids, on three hills, with three flocks of sheep.
And I said, "Woman, I want them fast because my time is passing,
and I don't want them to call me grandpa around the house."
That's right…
And then she said: "Then show me that you can take care of them!"
Well, what about the eggs?
They're working! God be praised! These eggs?
Listen to what she said…
Who takes care of three eggs
can take care of three children at some point.
City woman thoughts, man!
Oh, boy!
Well, well!
-Well, how-- God forgive me. -She makes me take my eggs out to play.
Then she makes me put them inside the house.
She makes me turn them all around and sing "Peanut, let's play! Good luck to them!"
She makes me wipe them at the place with the hump.
I'm living a crazy life, but that's it! She's a bit of a mess, but she's mine!
Well, if you don't like it…
Come to Wool Day and kiss. You know very well…
Every time you kiss at the Wool Day, you get married the first time
and the second time and the third time…
-Just like Daddy! -Just like Daddy!
Get out of here! Leave me alone! I'm married!
I have my wife. As she is, she's mine! But I want to make her see my way.
-What do you mean? -I want to…
I told her: "Let's move to the sheepfold!"
And she says: "I'm not coming, because there are ticks."
There are not ticks! The ticks are so big!
You see them, you dodge them. You have no worry.
She said, "No, after all, you know what? You go with the eggs to the sheepfold.
And if you come back to me with your eggs untouched by ticks, I'll think about it!"
Well…
Well!
-Well! -To find another woman!
I can't stand my woman anymore.
And I want to meet Ticuță, but I can't find him…
To help me, you know, with his lies… With his schemes… You know?
He fools them, he beguiles them with the ghoul, with…
-Wait a minute! Ticuță! -And I…
You're going to trust Ticuță's lies again?
-Well, yeah… He's helping me! I'll… -You know, it's always bad and trouble…
With his lies at Wool Day?
Again? Why don't you do that?
-Me? -Yes!
That's not a bad idea…
You scared me…
-You get scared a lot lately? -What?
Is your heart racing for nothing?
Not for nothing! When you look at me…
Like the ghoul.
-Look at you! -And you're cold, then hot… right?
I don't get hot…
You know how it is around here: it's hot, then it's cold…
There you go…
Ticuță, listen!
Tell me… truthfully…
why did you come here?
To wash the cloth.
No, Ticuță! Why did you come here now?
Did you stay too long out in the sun?
We're not talking about me.
Hello!
Yes, you, my sweet! Now I'm in the house.
Get out of here or I'll slap you!
I'll slap you so hard, your ears will start ringing.
What are you writing there? Are you recording me?
You have all the signs, Ticuță!
What signs?
You're losing your mind!
Yes! God, all the stuff we left here… exactly… exactly like this.
You know what they're like! And a chill in the house…
So great!
Tell me…
Was it only you who saw this monk?
I'm not crazy!
And was he talking in riddles?
No! He spoke English, not in riddles!
I'm taking care of our eggs.
I'm taking care of my eggs, of our eggs, don't worry.
Don't worry about anything.
There are no ticks! I've already said that!
I've told you that there were no ticks not even when we were kids.
I've looked for them and there are none.
Maybe they are gone.
I don't know how to send you a photo.
Okay, I'll check.
I'll take pictures of me from top to bottom.
And he said:
"Don't look for a woman. Stay at the sheepfold.
The sheep are your family." Is that so?
Yes!
Really?
Yes!
Like Crazy Sile.
From top to bottom.
Shut up, Stalin!
Let's see.
From bottom to top.
Well… I've took the photos, but I don't know how to send them.
Crazy Sile is crazy.
-Is he? -Yes!
He was bitten by a rabid fox when he was little.
That's what people say!
But he never kissed a woman until he was…
How old are you?
Sile is three years older than you.
Really?
I've sent them.
Did you get them?
Great! Look, there are no ticks!
No red spots, no bites, nothing! Yes…
I'm taking care of my eggs!
Oh, my God!
Our eggs!
What time is it?
I'll put them right now.
I'll put them somewhere warm right now.
You told me to take pictures.
You're three years older than the marriage age.
-So what? -It's no joke!
Come on, stay warm!
You too, slowly…
Here, on my chest…
Get under covers! To stay warm!
That's it!
Sleep well!
Daddy's baby!
Sleep well!
Do you know how people call him?
"The age of the unblossomed man."
What madness is this?
You don't know what they say…
that if you don't kiss a woman by a certain age,
God takes your judgment and gives it to someone else.
Go away!
I'm just saying. You're three years over marriage age.
But God's put up with you long enough.
If you don't find a wife now, it's no good!
-Tica? -Horică!
The devil!
Don't come any closer!
No!
The devil!
See? God's already taken his mind!
-He's married! -No! He's not married!
Because his wife didn't want to get married in church!
-No way! -Yes! Yes!
Hori, duck, honey! Hori!
Don't kick my eggs!
Bastard! It's not possible!
-I don't know why she pressed charges. -Wait a minute!
So you're saying
that the blood from the knife it's not from Mrs. Laurette.
It got nothing to do with that.
I'm not saying, I swear!
And Mrs. Laurette's cuts and bruises?
Let me continue.
You got so fat!
I eat!
Talk to me! Ticuță, did you sell your parents' house?
-None of your business! -None of my business?
How is it none of my business? We all had one great desire:
to be three brothers, on three hills, with three houses, three wives,
three children, three flocks of sheep, three lambs, three bells, three peaks…
Yeah, but you're married!
Hey, wait! Look at me! Look at me a little bit!
Here, let me see you!
This one here! Head up!
That's it!
I set you up so well, you won't have to chase after chicks anymore!
-They'll run after you! -No way!
Ticuță!
Go find your woman because I don't leave things like this!
Okay.
-To the Wool Day with us! -Yes!
Let's go out back, so she doesn't catch us!
-Look! -What?
Let's go!
-And the knife? -That's a special knife…
It's a weapon!
Just the blade, Nicule!
-Whose blood is on the knife? -Let's get it over with Horică.
Don't dodge! Tell me whose blood is on the knife.
Let's me tell you about Hori!
And as I was saying, dear lady…
I'm so ashamed of how we saw each other…
I mean, how you saw me… No… I saw you too…
I don't know what I'm saying.
I wouldn't face you again, but if I had to…
-Maybe you don't have to. -Yes, we must!
But maybe you don't have to.
I have to, because I want to tell you something.
I brought you some moare.
-What are you doing with the knife? -I picked blueberries for you!
I've only done this for Mommy before…
So get this, I have a very important plan for both of us.
Sauerkraut juice! Moare is what we call it.
Fresh, fresh, fresh!
Not even two years old! Just a little mold on top.
I pickled it myself.
No, thanks. I'm on a diet!
Oh, if you only knew what you're missing! So good! I drink a little.
Sour! Vinegar! Salty booze!
Oh, my God!
I'm gonna squash 'em right here.
You're going to get smear it all over your face,
you go over there in the tractor
and count to 862.
I drank a keg of that! Gobble, gobble, gobble!
I'll drink yours too!
You count up to 862, then you smear this all over your face.
Okay.
Just like Crazy Sile! Do you understand? You're acting like Roaită's siren!
-Who's? -That guy's… You know?
Roaită!
Dear lady,
what I want from you is to tell me how much money you want
to give me back my sheep?
Let them go back to the family.
Good! Quickly, you're scaring them!
I'll sit quietly over there, I pretend I'm not busy
and when she comes, I kiss her.
-Well, what about me? -You, you kiss too. Get in the tractor!
-When? -When it's your time, not now! Come on!
I made you some Vaseline, here!
Take it! Get in the tractor!
-Go! Go! Go! -Okay.
-Go faster, man! -Don't rush me!
I'm not interested in l'argent. Money.
Good! I don't have any!
Then what would you be interested in?
Silence.
-Silence? -Yes.
Well, only God can give us peace.
That's what the neighboring priest said…
Ours wasn't so good…
"Beloved believers, why do I say…
everyone's peace is given by the Lord God."
-Man, I can't, it stinks! -Go on! Get in there!
Me? To give you peace?
If you step back a little…
Will you have peace if I go over there?
You can do it.
-Further. -Good enough?
Further.
-Further? -Go away.
You must want a lot of peace and quiet, I guess…
I can feel the peace coming over me!
-Go, man! -No, I won't! You…
I stepped on something!
Continue…
Is this okay?
Is it okay? Okay? Of course I'm going!
834… Forget it. 834.
734.
634.
534.
434.
300… Wait, that's too fast.
Is this okay?
Further…
-Isn't this good? -Go on!
Higher? I'll go, of course I'll go!
That's it!
832.
831.
830.
800…
30…
The peace has come?
Further!
-Go! -Further?! I'm going further!
Let's have some peace!
297, 296…
296, 295, 294, 290…
-Is this okay? -A little more!
What?
Three! 292, 290…
Higher!
I'm going up!
-Dear lady! -Perfect!
Dear lady, wait a moment!
Excuse me, but I thought you and I were talking about something, right?
What were we talking about?
Well, how you sent me with your peace… and I went all the way…
We were talking about…
Not even you remember what we were talking about.
I want to work for you until I can buy back my sheep.
I buy the house, the sheepfold, the sheep,
you work for me and you want your sheep back.
I don't understand this business.
I work here, at your place.
I work, I don't need anything, but I take care of the household, of…
I'll make an orchard, I'll plant vegetables…
I have tools, machinery. Ma'am, I'm hardworking.
-I know the routine around here. Please! -I'm not interested.
But if you want a job, I can give you a job.
I not looking for a job. I want a "jepherd" job.
Fine!
Let's say we do it your way…
But…
How much money do you want?
No money!
I want some land to build three little houses.
-How many meters? -A thousand meters.
The upper part, near the forest, with the three hills on it.
It's divided like: 300 to Ticuță, 300 to Bicuță and 300 to me.
We build three houses
and we'll be three brothers, on three hills, with three herds…
But you miscalculated. I'm sorry!
Maybe it's not right, but it's brotherly.
Well, wait a minute… For Ticuță too? Why?
I gave him a present, a room here, he doesn't need a house.
You gave it to him because you have a big heart
and you're a good woman, but it's not his…
You gave it to him just to stay… But he has to have his own way.
Now, maybe God will help him kiss a girl at Wool Day,
he'll get married, have a baby, two, three,
and we'll be three brothers again, like I want:
three brothers, on three hills, in three houses, with three flocks…
-Who? Mon Ticut? -And mon Ticut.
-But where is he now? -Mon Ticut?
At the Wool Day, chasing a little.
See what I'll do to him.
He was a snitch,
a snitch and a half.
They called him "Snitchy."
Now I'm sorry I didn't step on his head and only stepped on his feet.
Father!
That's right.
Oh, my God! Welcome back, Father!
Come and I'll give you some palinca, some bacon, come here!
As you wish! Come and I'll give you some palinca!
Nobody's dying from the palinca, man! Maybe if they fall in water!
Come here! I'll bring you some!
Hori!
Hori?
Horea!
Let's see! What have you got, man?
What's this carriage?
It's not ours!
It's Nelutu's, from over the hill.
That's a Ruris tractor! It works the earth like a bulldozer!
-And it'll get you from here to there. -Really?
-Yes! -You are a slave to this hag!
I'm a slave… Yes, I'm a slave.
-Why? -She's giving us land!
How much?
From there, from that hill to the other end.
-Come here and I'll kiss you! Come on! -No, let me go, I'm all sweaty!
Can't you see? The priest's here! I'll stay with my sheep!
-It's clear! Here! -Oh, God!
It's good you came to your senses!
Wait, my mind was never gone!
Just Bică, he's been rigging everything.
-Come on, let's kiss! Come here! -I'm sweating! Leave me alone!
Come on, let's go to the priest and give him some palinca. Come with me!
-Palinca? -Yes. And some clisa.
-Palinca? -And some onions.
To give palinca to the father?
948, 47, 46, 45, 40…
And you're going to Wool Day too?
-Later, it's early! -Maybe you won't go at all.
Girls, listen to me! Think!
It's a grotesque custom that encourages rape culture!
Holy Father!
Father?
He's not here!
This is how men come to believe
they can do what they want, when they want.
It's true that I was chased by Nicu Pechinezu last year.
Almost kissed me.
Here! Like I said… A relationship is a choice.
I'll give you a consent to sign, okay?
Girls, just think, now you get to choose,
before the running and kissing, who gets to be the one.
My Adiță! 'Cause I love him so much!
Voila! What's your name?
-Maria! -Maria!
Can I have a sip of your palinca? I'm hungry.
We'll put these here, it's hot… And the clisa is melting…
Sit down! Where are you, Father?
It burns.
Nine…
Eight…
Seven, six…
Five, four…
Three, two, one…
Zero!
It gives me speed and I'm off to the village at Wool Day to kiss.
Well done! Go on!
To get up to speed, I need that orange carriage of yours.
I'll get there faster! To kiss!
Well…
Well!
Well…
Well!
-Go! -Go!
Come on, man!
I'll give you here to fill in, okay? The form. In two versions, please!
With all your personal details! You sign my consent form.
Kiss and you're done!
Really? Hello, girls!
Where are you from?
Why aren't you at work?
Well, I'm working here, in the market, selling wool.
Yes… Tell us where you're from!
What does it matter?
Well, if it doesn't matter, why don't you tell us?
So be it! I'm from Paris, but I was born in…
Really? From Paris?
And you want to teach us how to make salami or sausage…
Or teach us how to make cheese, to milk sheep…
I suppose you will teach us how to kiss.
-If you talk over me one more time… -What are you doing to me?
Go to the sheepfold now!
No!
I have to sell the wool, here in the market.
I'll sell the wool.
Now you go to the sheepfold and do what I say because you're on duty.
Well…
Oh, my!
Like I said, the forms!
Alina, yes?
Good! So we're up to… Up to date with the story.
Come on! Get to the girls!
-Bică! -I'm coming!
-Come on! -Where are we going?
Wait, I twisted my leg when you…
Wait, Ticuță!
Please, sign here.
-Here. -Thanks.
Look, so many girls signed already!
It's not possible something like this!
Is he the mayor?
Stop!
What are you doing here?
Mr. Mayor…
I'd like you to sign the petition.
Petition, equality, freedom!
But you don't care that you've made a mockery of this community,
that you've destroyed the fair,
the grandparents, the grandchildren.
Who will remember this bimillennial tradition?
-Who? -Mr. Mayor…
What?
As long as I'm here, in Rachitele,
I assure you that there will never be another Wool Day.
Never!
So, you, now, by signing the petition, you can be part of history
with a change…
Or if not…
If not, it will be very…
…de la patrie
La Marseillaise!
Stop! It's enough!
She said to stop.
Or you'll be the one who's changed!
Entrez-vous!
Maybe you want to sign.
Really?
Go away!
-Horrible! -Go away!
Cornel! What's the matter, Mayor?
Ask your crazy woman!
She said she'd turn us all in
for not having a license to hold the festival here.
Aren't you the mayor?
Aren't you the one who gives out licenses?
I am the mayor! Who's the mayor? I am!
Miss! Miss, stop!
Can you please sign this petition
to stop the chasing and kissing of girls on Wool Day? Please!
Finally! Someone with a good idea!
I'm teaching students not to kiss with cars,
and everyone here kisses.
-Exactly! -Give me that pen!
Thank you!
My pleasure!
Good! Next one!
Hey, Ticuță, man!
-What's wrong? -People aren't the same.
Really?
Now, if you greet a woman, she says it's harassment.
It's harassment!
If you don't say hello, it's discrimination!
Really?
-Seriously! -Really?
They make you electrocute the pig before you butcher it.
To make liquor out of your plum, from your yard,
you have to sign an approval.
-No way… -Everywhere only permits, man.
Let me be buried without signing an approval.
Did you put gas in it?
What am I supposed to do, Mr. Mayor?
Cornel, what do I do to bring them back?
-Bring who back? -People! Young people! The youth!
The youth is gone.
Where?
To the Untold festival!
What's that? Festival?
-The biggest festival! The Magic Land! -No way…
Way!
And it's full of…
-Freshies? -Hey!
Of youth?
Full of youth?
-Only youth! -No way!
-Hot-blooded! -No way!
Then I'll take Wool Day to…
-There, to Cluj! -Take it!
We'll go there!
-Hello! -Hello, Mr. Mayor! Hello, hello!
-Look… -What?
We're going to Untold!
There are fresh, hot-blooded girls there. That's what the mayor said!
And we can kiss them for sure! Let's go!
-Now? -Now!
Let's go!
-Bye! -My hope is with you!
-Go! -We're going!
Godspeed!
-Tica? -What?
I understand you're going to Untold.
-Are you taking us? -Vasi, your mom won't let you go…
You're so young.
-I'm coming! -No, you're not!
-I'm coming too! -Jigo, it's not allowed!
I did it!
I got signatures! I did what I set out to do!
No more barbarism here! It's over!
In this horrible, lost village! No more!
-I've done it! -Shut up!
On me!
See how much I've mowed here?
With the Ruris mower, you finish the job before you start!
Come on, back to the movie!
I did it! I got the signatures! We'll manage!
-My foot! -My eggs!
My eggs!
I think it's broken!
My eggs!
Lady, I see you have a problem with my eggs!
So you're saying all this happened because of a fall.
May I tell the story?
May I tell you?
-Go on! -Daddy's little children!
Oh, my! How do you do? How are you?
You're mean!
-What's wrong with you? Does it hurt? -Admit you wanted to kill me. Look!
Me kill you?
No way! I wouldn't hurt a little bug.
You think I don't know that?
Tica told you to hurt me because I managed to shut down Wool Day.
-I'm not… What did you do? -Yes.
I shut down Wool Day.
-And I'm very proud of it! -You shut down Wool Day?
-Yes! -Now, see?!
For a thing like that, you deserve a spanking,
but not to kill you!
So you admit you wanted to hurt me!
I don't admit… I'm not hurting anyone. Let me help you! Come on, let's go…
No! Don't touch me and leave me alone right now!
Now, then be healthy! I'm out of here.
Wait! Stop! Please!
What do you want? To leave me like this… Like a sheep…
To be eaten by all the wolves here… Like prey?
God understand you women! You want my help or not?
Now you want me to take you, now you don't.
Do you want to go or don't you?
-Yes! But it's broken! -It's not broken!
Trust me! I have a cure for you…
Please, promise me you'll call a doctor. I'm begging you!
-Up here, at the top of the hill? -Yes, please!
-If it's broken… -Until the doctor gets here,
we'll have moldy cheese.
I'll give you something and…
-Slowly! -Slowly!
-That's it! One, two, three… -Three and up!
-It's broken! -Up you go! No, there!
-Put your arm here! -One, two, three!
Three and up!
Come with me, I have a cure!
-Oh, God! -I have a cure for you and your foot.
Your little leg is fine. It's just a little spring.
-It's got gangrene! -It's a little spring, that's it!
Oh, my God!
Man, that's so cool!
-Boy, am I glad we got here first! -Yeah, yeah, yeah!
-It's better than Wool Day, man! -It is!
-Come on! -You'll see when it's full here!
-Slow down! -Slowly, slowly!
-Oh, God! -Slowly, yes! Look, we'll-- we'll put…
-Here, look! -It hurts so bad!
Sit here.
Stretch your little leg, I'll go get…
Put this on, it's wet and cold…
Here, it smells nice! Like milk!
Put it on! Hold it there! I'll get the cure.
Wait! What cure?
We have a cure here… The cure… You'll see!
Any pain, sorrow, sigh… Anything goes…
Like magic!
Headache, stomachache, bellyache, everything!
Okay, but please, hurry, I can't take it anymore!
I'm going! It's the mother of all cures!
-Go, I'm dying! -I'll be right back!
You drank all the palinca, Ticuță?
That's why you see priests at the sheepfold.
Fucking asshole! Listen what he writes!
"I'm sorry, but the team-building is very important. I can't miss it."
Meaning you're not important…
Do you think you had to translate? Did she not understand?
We're wasting our time
and I don't understand why we have to talk about this stuff all the time.
-To hell with them! -You know what?
We came here to have fun, not to feel sorry for ourselves.
We have extra tickets and we'll give them to someone.
We let fate choose.
Am-dam-dez!
Zi-zimani-frez!
Say-zimani-pomparez!
Am-dam-dez!
This one!
-Hello! -Hello!
-Bracelets? -Don't need them!
You need them!
-If you need them, go buy some! -Are you making fun of me?
The first men that come our way, that's who we go with!
We don't wear bracelets! We don't want bracelets!
-We're shepherds! -From Rachitele!
-I don't know… I mean, I wouldn't… -Girl!
If you want to piss off our boyfriends,
we'll have to pose with these guys at the festival!
Let me explain.
If you don't have bracelets, you can't get in.
Okay. Give us two bracelets! How much?
-I don't have any. -If you don't have any,
then why are you asking if we want some?
I didn't ask if you want bracelets, I asked if you had any.
-Well, we don't. -Well, then… You won't get in!
Come on, come on!
-Stop -Hi! Are you going to the festival?
-Yeah. -We have three tickets!
-Are you coming with us? -Want to come?
Oh, my…
Why are you so late? Where have you been for so long?
I can't stand the pain!
Well, I went to fetch this cure! Oh, my God!
This is Horică's horinca. Lady, this palinca…
You know how it's like? God's miracle!
That's very strong.
It's only drank with water from the spring of the Lost Drunk
at the Rascaz Monastery!
It's very strong! It's about 90 degrees.
I wonder where that water is! This is where he kept it!
He drank that too!
It's a palinca that our daddy stored at the birth of each one of us.
And then he said… That must be it.
He said to have it at the wedding, when we get married.
It's from plums…
God!
You, woman, what did you do?
Crazy woman! Half a bottle?
You're like cucumber juice.
Let's get you inside! Oh, my God!
Don't move so much, good woman,
or I'll drop you and I won't be able to pick you up again.
Well, you know, if you drop me, we're gonna have a serious boo-boo.
I understand, but let's go!
-And don't kiss me! -No, really…
Look, our girls!
Oh, my! Hello, girls!
-Girls! -Here, look at these!
-Hello! -Courage!
What are you doing? Come on, sit down!
-Wow! -Hey! Is this real?
Yes… Ten… Ten sheep I skinned for it!
-Oh, so you're really shepherds? -Yes!
-The real ones! -No way!
You, good woman, you'll fall down and it's hard to get you up!
-I will not! -Okay.
God help you! Come on!
My eggs!
Wait! Stop! What have you done?
What have you done?
-Men in France are… -What have you done?
Oh, my! They are okay!
What are you guys doing here? What are you guys doing? Selling?
We're not selling! We're buying! We were hungry.
We wanted to buy cheese and bacon… And they don't have any.
I know only three colors
How do you know this song?
They remind me of a brave people
-So you're producers? -Yes, we are! We produce!
You produce what?
Well, cheese, butter, salted cheese,
sweet cheese, cow cheese…
-But wait! Where are you from? -Milk!
God help us! Nice work, lady!
I had to carry you today…
Stay here! I'll go get you some moare, sauerkraut juice…
-To get you on your feet. -Wait!
-Where are you from? -From the Rachitele!
-Isn't that near here? -Yes, it is! Just around the corner!
-Do you have accommodation? -We've got it!
Of course! We'll make palinca, jam!
No! Accommodation! If we have a place to sleep, to stay, to eat, to…
You do! Eat your heart out!
Do you love me?
-I don't love you. -That's okay. I don't love you either!
-Why are you crying now? -Because I…
-What is it? -I'm not lovable…
Lord, bless you! How can you not be lovable?
Well, we always have accommodation! To sleep and eat and sleep…
-Didn't I tell you? -All three?
Yes, all three! There's fresh air at the sheepfold, girls!
Do you realize what stories we'll be making?
Dear lady, every soul in this world is lovable,
but you must found him!
That's why he left me…
You know what? Whoever dumped you was either stupid or faking it!
We have hundreds of sheep! Horses! Donkeys! Chickens! Turkeys! Fowls!
Dogs!
Well, how can you leave such a beautiful proud woman?
Smart, from the city, beautiful…
Blonde…
Are you hitting on me?
No, no, no! God forbid!
-I'm not hitting on you… -Why not?
In such a long time?
Listen…
to me.
If you promise
to make me lovable,
I promise to give you everything I have!
-Come on! Go! -Come on, girls!
Come on, quick, get to the right and we'll take you!
The house, the stable,
the sheep… everything you want!
What…
It would suit me fine, but…
Quick! Oh, how nice! Come on!
I mean… Wait… I can come to you for a bit,
but only for a bit, because I'm married.
-Wait! -God has put his hand on our heads!
-And that crazy woman? -I'll deal with her! Girls!
Look, we're going to the notary tomorrow! I promise!
Wait! Wait a minute!
I mean, let me see if I'm getting this right.
If I make you feel loveable and happy,
will you give me what you promised?
But you keep your word! Because today you've drank a lot…
I told you I came here because I'm looking for peace…
-I know I drank but… You gave me… -Well…
Alright, we'll try!
But you promise not to kiss me?
Are we there yet?
There's been a lot, there's not much left!
My head hurts!
Oh, my God! My head!
"I'm amazed by you
You look and smell so nice
Day and night in the woods
You're like a bear eating berries."
Like a bear?
-You call me fat? -No, I don't! Oh, God forbid! I said…
worthy, hardworking like the bear, because…
a bear goes three, four miles after three raspberries.
And why didn't you say, "Hardworking like a… bee"?
I was thinking about a bee…
-But it rhymes with… -With cat.
-So… -And you could've said:
"Hardworking like a bee And beautiful like a cat."
Yeah, well, the metrics don't…
You don't get it.
I'll speak French to you.
Hello, Comrade Professor!
What's the lesson for today?
The lesson for today is…
Eiffel Tower, Paris-Dakar. 200 cm, ice on river banks.
Please, stop.
Then…
-Excuse me. -What is this?
It's not a this, it's… a harmonica.
For you…
Cut it out! Stop!
That's enough!
I don't know how to make you happy if you don't tell me what to do!
Tell me how to make you happy and I'll make you happy. Anything!
-Anything? -Anything!
I want the house and the barn!
Anything?
Then… I want…
Scrambled eggs.
Scrambled eggs?
I'll do it right away! With dill?
With…
With your precious eggs.
We're here!
Come on, girls, make yourselves at home!
Bică, come with me!
Make yourselves at home!
-Listen! -What?
You go over there and yell that you're going to piss!
I can't say that!
Say you're going to the toilet.
You're going into the woods and rub blueberries on your face and…
-Well, I don't piss? -Shut up and do what I tell you!
Rub blueberries on your face to look like a ghoul.
Count to 1101, okay?
If I happen to come home with only two eggs…
We'll still have two babies or not at all if one of them…
if I lost one… it broke?
How can I kiss a girls? I'm a ghoul.
You clean yourself! Are you stupid?
Go! Now!
Which one do I kiss?
Anyone, I don't care.
I want to kiss the petite one.
We'll see! Go!
Well, no, you… You're… I've got all three of them!
Oh, God, protect me! If you want, I'll take a picture and show them to you.
I know how to send them now.
I'm gonna take a piss!
-I'm going to… closet. -Go already!
-I'm going to the… -Go!
-Let's go! -No, we should wait for him. He's…
-He'll get lost? -No, but there are ghouls around here.
295, 294, 292…
This is it!
993…
I keep running around here,
and if one breaks…
we'll still have only two kids if…
-Hori! -What is it?
-Hori! -What?
-We won! -What?
At Untold! It's full of… fish!
-I caught them! -Caught what?
Three women, three jars of cream!
Three buckets full of milk! Victory!
I'm sure I'll kiss one!
-Where are they? -There!
632…
644…
628…
Good job!
-What do I have to do? -Listen!
-What?! -Go inside the house!
And you keep that crazy woman in there!
So I can kiss!
I'll kiss a girl, a little dove!
Be very careful, be wise!
-I'm a man! -If there are three of them,
you have to choose carefully because she will warm your bed!
After all this time!
I'm a man!
-He was quick! -I'll help you!
I'm going! Girls!
96, 990…
600… Come on!
600… 502…
632…
644…
628…
600… Damn it!
300!
No! I'll soil my shirt!
Girls! This way! Look, there's our sheepfold!
Jacuzzi from West Zalau!
Let's take pictures!
This is for milk! Keep your hair out of it!
So what? It's good for complexion.
-And for skin. -Yes.
For the cheese. For Swiss cheese.
It's got holes in it. It's bubbling, it' s poking holes…
332, 333… 326, 340…
Let's go in the house!
Don't go in the house, it's haunted! Great God!
-Haunted? -You don't know the stories?
This house is haunted.
Come here. In this house lives a dead ghoul.
-Let's take a selfie with the ghoul! -Shut up! He can hear you! Wow!
196…
196… 193…
192… 180…
107… Go away!
What did I tell you?
Just listen!
-You pervert! -No!
You pig!
-You wanted to rape me. -No!
-What are you doing here naked? Get out! -No!
Stay by my side!
Keep it like this, in front. Slowly, so they don't hear us moving!
Walk slow and fast! Go!
I know the rules! I'll fight him!
Go that way! I have a secret place!
Ticuță! There are so many!
Ticuță!
I'm allergic! Where are you?
Ticuță! No more! They are eating me!
It's not true!
-You wanted to drug me! -No! It's not true!
Understand I don't do stuff like this!
I'm strong as Ponce stone! Like iron! I'll fight it!
I'm like a tree! I know that ghoul! I've seen it twice already!
Grab some garlic! Quick! Put it around your necks!
Don't eat it! Let me lock the door!
It doesn't know how to use doors and knobs!
Oh, my…
Good! And this is the day with the girls… With the kidnapping, right?
It is?
-Are you out of your mind? -They're ghouls!
-Maybe they are ghouls! I'm serious! -Where'd you guys come from, off the…
I'm wearing just an undervest
because I got oil all over me and all I have is a shirt.
What's wrong with you? Calm down!
He tried to rape me!
That's not true!
-He got me drunk! -There is more palinca?
-And you know what he did? Twice he came into my room naked!
-With his business hanging out? -No, Ticuță!
-Hey, you little prick! -No… Maybe it's a mistake!
I thought it was an accident the first time, but the second time?
Come on! You little prick!
Oh, my!
-Calm down! Come on, go! -I'll call the police!
-What do you mean? -I'll take care of it.
Shut up!
Don't you believe her! Please!
Go over there, in the bedroom!
Hey! Don't mess with the crazy, man!
-Why didn't you take my side? -But I…
-That's it. He did it. -What?
Girls!
-The ghoul is coming! -What?
It's here and it's coming for us!
It's coming!
I was naked because I wanted to warm up with my eggs!
-And? -And I didn't know he was around!
And now she'll turn me in to the police? For raping foreign women?
-He's dead! -From the garlic!
-Yes! -From the garlic!
-Did I tell you it works? That means he's really a ghoul!
Are you okay?
-Calm down. -I'm going to jail!
-Nobody's throwing you in jail! -Do something!
Listen carefully! Dear!
-Who's there? -It's me! Calm down!
Don't mess with the crazy guy!
He's crazy! I know it!
Calm down! It's over!
-What do you want? -I need some water!
-Water? -Water! I can't breathe!
-Water. -Water.
-He's crazy! -I'll go to the police!
Don't go to the police, kind woman!
Don't go! He's crazy because he's the age of the unbloomed man. He's not married!
"Unbloomed"? He said he had eggs with his wife.
He's not married in church. Mind your own business! Calm down!
-Water? -Water!
Of course!
Here! Have water!
Calm down. People die.
-My grandma died like that. -That's palinca!
-It's good! -Drink!
Stay calm here, I'll go and fix it, I know how to slap him in the head.
He's got some behavioral problems.
-I'm going to the police. -You're not going to any police.
Nobody. You don't go to no police.
I'll take care of him because I know the rules. He's got problems.
Since he was a kid. Because this one might rape you.
One time, he raped a Russian girl.
-Quel bordel! -Brothel, but you can't help it!
Stay here and calm down.
-My Titică… -What?
You are a kind and gentle man!
Choosing justice over your brother… I find that incredible.
-I appreciate it. Enorm… -Yes, I know! I raised him!
-Stay here! -Be careful!
We have to do something. Let's find a solution.
Have you calmed down?
He's dead. He's not coming here.
-Really? -Naughty boy!
I don't know how to…
What's wrong? Are you out of your mind?
She said that If I beat you up, she won't call the police.
So I beat you and you scream!
You mean you beat me?
You have to say this:
"Tica! You're stronger than me. Even if I am a ghoul!" Okay?
What ghoul?
She's not from our village and she thinks the ghouls… women…
Okay? Go for it!
Ticuță!
You're stronger than me even if I'm a ghoul!
-Say: "Shepherd, stop hitting me!" -Well, you're not a shepherd.
Run! Get out!
You're all crazy!
"Shepherd, stop hitting me!"
Did you beat him good?
Of course I beat him! So I beat him! I gave him a couple of kicks!
Listen! You're going to the police.
You say he wanted to rape you. Tell them everything. Go on, go!
-What about you? -What about me?
I need witnesses!
I have to take care of the sheep!
You scolded me why I butcher the sheep,
now I let the wolves eat them?
-If it's about the sheep, you're right! -Go! Go! Go straight there!
Only on the path! Take care!
I'm like an oak!
We got the ghoul, girls! Stay calm! It's no problem!
Oh, my!
These are drunk!
Bică!
Bică! What's wrong with you?
Get up, man! What's wrong with you?
-Bees! Lots of bees! -Bees?
Let's go inside!
Do you understand what I'm talking about?
-What are we doing? -I got a solution!
We'll take them to the house!
I'll take two, you take one. Okay?
Look at me!
The petite one!
The petite one? We'll see about that!
-Easy with my petite one! -You got so drunk!
One, two, three. Wait, stop moving!
I'm going to wash up!
You're not going anywhere!
Don't be a dummy! You're going to wash up. Are you crazy?
You tell them whatever you want… That you fought with a ghoul.
And then they run away and we kiss them.
What's the big deal about chasing them? They're linoleum! Can't you see?
I know! We shove moare down their throats!
Go get it! Run, man, run!
You're like a snail… You were like this since you were little.
-Wait! -What?
My mother's gone to the village
Today she's all alone…
-Did you find moare? -There's no more moare!
We've run out of palinca too!
-My God… -What can we do?
-Listen! -What?
You go to Viorel Mihut.
-Okay. -And you tell him this:
"Your brother Tica sent you to ask Sorina for some moare."
They owe me a barrel of moare.
-You want me to go now? -Yes.
I'm not going alone.
It's far, I'm scared,
it's late and I'll never kiss the petite one.
Let the petite one alone!
You are coward, stupid and I don't know what to call you!
-Go! -Where?
I'm coming with you, but we're taking the bikes from DHS.
We go fast!
I'll take the electronic one, you take the one with pedals.
But my foot… How can I go…
You go because I sacrifice myself to go with you.
Oy my dear God!
My little eggs!
My head hurts! Don't you have an aspirin or something?
I have some in my purse.
Can I have one, please?
Take some from there.
What?
Pills, girl! Didn't you want a pill?
What for?
What, what for?
Not you!
-Then who? -Me!
You what?
The bag…
What about it?
I was looking for it.
God, it smells like sauerkraut in here! I'm puking!
Let's go out, I'm sick!
Girlfriend!
-Who, me? -The purse!
-Don't forget about it! -Why?
You were looking for…
So much light!
Your head still hurts?
Yeah, it does!
Hangover!
But you know how… How to get over it?
How?
You stay drunk!
Yes… Or with aspirin, better.
But I don't have my purse.
-What purse? -The purse!
We've been talking about this purse for three days!
Let's keep drinking.
Girls!
-Here, look! That's my purse. -Wait! Who are you?
I'm Horică!
You're not one of them.
I'm one of three because we're three brothers.
Three hills, three flocks, three lambs. Give me, please!
Wait! You were at Untold!
-Untold?! Me? -Yes! Look how cool you're dressed!
-Yes, well… -You could have been at Untold!
-Yeah, I know! Hand me my bag, please! -Take your hand, I don't know you.
But I don't know you either, I just know my purse! It's mine!
-It's backwards. -It's mine!
Come on! It's… It's yours… Both of them?!
-You're right… -Well, you see?
They're two eggs,
and I think they're thin-skinned, and if they break…
-What? -Not this one!
The one with eggs! That's the one with…
Oh, my God! What's that? That's a rubber corn, right?
Is that for the chickens?
If you give it one of these, it will choke.
Give me the one with the eggs, please!
-What do I do with the eggs? -Hey! I have a better idea!
Go and get us a bottle of palinca…
and we'll give you back the purse.
You come with the palinca…
We'll have some shots and then we'll give you the purse.
We'll take care of the eggs!
Not there, in the henhouse, we drank it all!
You drank Horică's horinca?
Party!
Oh, my!
My mother's milk shop!
They've had so much to drink and they're still breathing.
This city life is good for something.
Ladies!
I drew lots and got this one, Bicuță's!
-We've been waiting for you! -May I have my purse, please?
Wait!
-For the dead! -God, forgive us…
-Give me the purse, please! -Leave me alone!
Give me the purse! Please!
Don't run or your eggs will break, these are thin-shelled!
You, lady! Come on, please! Don't play with me!
Girls! That's not what we agreed!
Didn't you say that if I bring you some palinca, you'd give me…
What have you done, you crazy man? You got them drunk again, man?
-No, man! They gotta give me my eggs! -Hori!
We're struggling to wake them up and you got them drunk again, man!
-What's wrong with you? -I want my eggs!
Hori, damn you with your eggs!
-Hands up! -Look, Mr. English, is this the one?
-Hello, Father! -He's not a priest, he's an actor!
-He got lost and you kidnapped him! -Shut up!
Shut up with your bullshit or I'll tell your mother!
I need a team in Rachitele!
We're at Minteuan's former sheepfold! It's a kidnapping!
There are three unconscious girls. I think they're dead.
Dead on the graves! What do you mean, dead? They're drunk!
-Tell them! -Stand there with your hands up!
Alright! But it's only fair to explain!
-You'll explain at the station! -Look, this is all about--
You'll explain at the station! Stay there!
-Look! -Stay there!
Wow!
That must have been a little boy, he's been sticking too close to his daddy.
It could have been Mitrut.
Yes!
Yes.
I understood, sir!
Your story was verified and it all checks out.
You're free!
Free to what?
This is the third and final bottle.
Wow, what a day!
Excuse me, guys!
Don't worry, Ticuță! It's nothing!
Maybe you got me out of trouble after all.
What kind of woman makes you look after eggs instead of having babies?
I didn't kiss.
Maybe I learned something from that. But what?
What do you mean? You're getting me angry! I'm begging you… Stop lying!
-I'm the only one who lies? -Then who? Me?
-Not you. You! -Me?
Revenge, man! Have you forgotten what you did to my first wife?
-Have you forgotten what you did to me? -Look at what you're doing now!
Exactly what we shouldn't have done!
Brother, good or bad, he's yours. Brothers only have each other.
Look, the girls!
-The petite one! -Hey, sweethearts!
Where's the third one?
She's gone. She's from the city.
-Yes. -Girls, forgive us!
You don't have to apologize. For what? We've been having so much fun!
With the police, with all that mess…
No… We had a great time!
And we realized that you're men with good hearts.
And we like it better at the sheepfold than in town.
Horică!
She doesn't deserve you.
-Who? -Your wife!
If I were her, I'd have a football team with you by now.
A football team with goalkeepers and players and reserves and…
Did you kiss me on the mouth?
Wait, I got a little dizzy.
Unprepared, as it were…
Well!
Well.
Well?
Well.
Well, well…
Well…
I'm Eleonora.
The village hag.
When I was little,
I kissed a boy on Wool Day.
Then I went with my parents to France.
But now I know who that boy is.
And I guess that's why my marriage didn't work out…
Because there's a saying here for us in Rachitele:
"If you kiss on Wool Day…"
"You get married."
Wow!