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Downloaded from
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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX
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SPLASHBACK
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In the end, it's simple:
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some spend their whole lives
hiding behind their desks,
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and then die in anonymity.
Teachers are a great example of that.
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00:01:16,960 --> 00:01:21,520
While others, guided by their instincts,
relentless drive,
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and dutiful patriotism,
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00:01:24,280 --> 00:01:28,440
bravely lead our nation into
a new and exciting future.
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I like to think I'm
on the tip of that sword.
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My name's gonna be a part of history.
Napoleon, Columbus,
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Alexander the fucking Great.
Carved in stone.
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- Jack Wancker.
- It just annoys me.
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00:01:45,240 --> 00:01:48,680
Splashback. From the urinal.
I hate it.
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00:01:49,880 --> 00:01:52,400
You know, just...
droplets bouncing off the porcelain.
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00:01:53,360 --> 00:01:57,040
Leaves you with sprayed khakis
and yellow stains on the shirt.
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00:01:58,920 --> 00:02:01,520
Somebody should do
something about it.
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00:02:01,600 --> 00:02:04,560
I'm talking about history in the making
here, and you're talking about piss?
19
00:02:04,680 --> 00:02:08,240
Well, it's the big problem for
70 percent of the male population.
20
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Except for the little boys, who aren't
tall enough to reach the porcelain.
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Clearly you don't understand the
importance of what's about to happen.
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No, ahm, yeah...
23
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I'm really happy for ya.
For us both.
24
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Sure, you're a part of it too.
25
00:02:31,440 --> 00:02:35,320
Day of the Apollo 11 Launch
July, 16, 1969
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00:02:42,480 --> 00:02:45,280
United States Space Agency
27
00:02:58,960 --> 00:03:01,440
Wow, she's a real beauty, ha?
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00:03:01,520 --> 00:03:03,400
The main event, ha?
29
00:03:05,160 --> 00:03:06,400
Yeah.
30
00:03:07,560 --> 00:03:11,560
I was just wondering, did you manage
to get a chance to talk to your boss?
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00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:13,440
Ahm, no.
32
00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:18,400
- I guess you've just been to busy.
- No, I just forgot.
33
00:03:19,280 --> 00:03:22,040
Why, I would really appreciate it
if you could.
34
00:03:22,120 --> 00:03:24,800
You know, maybe I'd get a chance
to pitch some of my ideas,
35
00:03:24,880 --> 00:03:26,400
you know, have chance at R&D.
36
00:03:26,480 --> 00:03:29,320
Look, I've known you for how long?
Five years?
37
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Ten years, actually.
You know, you married my sister.
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- We're brothers in law.
- Right.
39
00:03:35,080 --> 00:03:38,160
And that's exactly
the reason you should forget about it.
40
00:03:38,240 --> 00:03:40,440
And your mind is just not
creative enough for R&D.
41
00:03:41,320 --> 00:03:43,680
Well, I've invented a few things
myself, you know?
42
00:03:43,760 --> 00:03:45,680
- Any of it work?
- Well no, but, you know...
43
00:03:45,760 --> 00:03:48,240
Things work out even if
they don't in the beginning.
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It's a high pressure environment,
you couldn't cope with the stress.
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00:03:51,880 --> 00:03:53,880
The guys over there,
they're geniuses.
46
00:03:54,360 --> 00:03:56,400
Look, you're very important to us,
47
00:03:56,480 --> 00:04:01,120
and that's the reason you should stay
in the spot that we need you the most:
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00:04:02,920 --> 00:04:03,920
Supplies.
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00:04:05,760 --> 00:04:08,360
SUPPLIES
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00:04:24,880 --> 00:04:26,240
Hey, how are you doin'?
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00:04:41,120 --> 00:04:45,560
Ten... nine...
ignition sequence starts...
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Six... five... four... three...
two... one... zero...
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All engines running.
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Lift-off! We have a lift-off, 32 minutes
past the hour. Lift-off on Apollo 11.
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Neil, we can see you
coming down the ladder now.
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That's one small step for man,
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00:05:15,600 --> 00:05:18,680
one giant leap for mankind.
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00:05:19,880 --> 00:05:23,360
Not since Columbus has there been
such a historic event.
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00:05:23,520 --> 00:05:26,280
Me and my boys did a hell of a job.
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Now we're not only the greatest
nation on the planet,
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but also... the Moon. Thank you.
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That's one small toast for man,
one giant for mankind.
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To me! And my boys up there.
May they return home safely.
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Wancker, Wancker, Wancker!
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Can you believe it? I fuckin' did it.
I'm a part of history.
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Amazing, right?
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- And you deserve it.
- Thanks, buddy.
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00:06:04,120 --> 00:06:05,920
I've been meaning
to show you something.
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00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:08,960
I finally cracked
the splashback problem.
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00:06:10,520 --> 00:06:13,360
You're looking at
"The Urinal Splash Guard 1.0."
71
00:06:13,800 --> 00:06:17,200
It'll forever change the way
we experience micturition.
72
00:06:18,800 --> 00:06:20,760
Huh, it's a real game changer.
73
00:06:20,840 --> 00:06:25,240
Hey! So, uhm, you work
for the Space Agency?
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You bet.
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I'll bet everything I have.
Not that I have much.
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Jeez, that's so swell.
77
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- So, uhm, know any astronauts?
- Neil and I are... very close.
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00:06:40,280 --> 00:06:41,440
Wow!
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00:06:41,880 --> 00:06:46,720
Maybe you'd like to discuss space
exploration a little more... in-depth?
80
00:06:55,000 --> 00:06:59,720
Well, she seems like a nice young lady.
I bet my sister would love her.
81
00:07:00,240 --> 00:07:05,280
Yeah she's, uhm, very interested
in the whole Moon thing... process.
82
00:07:06,040 --> 00:07:08,680
Anyway, you were talkin'
about a... pee net?
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00:07:09,080 --> 00:07:12,320
I like to call it
"The Urinal Splash Guard 1.0".
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00:07:12,760 --> 00:07:17,400
The quintessential barrier between
the porcelain and stream impact.
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00:07:17,920 --> 00:07:21,920
Every hole, pitch and diameter
mathematically precise.
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00:07:23,000 --> 00:07:26,680
Anyway, I built this urinating simulator,
for test purposes.
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00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:29,400
Oh, a fascinating piece of machinery.
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00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:34,440
It's tested "The Urinal Splash
Guard 1.0" to it's limits.
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00:07:35,280 --> 00:07:38,000
And confirmed all my theories.
90
00:07:39,440 --> 00:07:42,000
But, to be one hundred percent
certain,
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00:07:42,080 --> 00:07:44,880
I need additional input parameters
from the field.
92
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What, me?
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00:07:51,080 --> 00:07:54,920
Well, it would be delightful
if you could.
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00:07:59,920 --> 00:08:02,600
Why not. Gotta take a leak anyway.
95
00:08:09,800 --> 00:08:14,320
You know, this kinda feels like,
my own personal Apollo launch.
96
00:08:14,680 --> 00:08:17,800
You do realize that I'm about
to piss on your idea?
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Heh, yeah.
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00:08:18,960 --> 00:08:19,960
That's a good one!
99
00:08:25,120 --> 00:08:26,160
One might think
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that the process of aiming urination
can be summarized
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00:08:28,680 --> 00:08:30,720
with "get it all in the bowl",
but that would be wrong.
102
00:08:31,520 --> 00:08:34,600
The physics of splash dynamics is
thoroughly complicated.
103
00:08:35,280 --> 00:08:39,320
Have you ever heard of the Plateau-
Rayleigh instability phenomenon?
104
00:08:39,400 --> 00:08:42,200
A... a falling stream of liquid will
break into little droplets,
105
00:08:42,560 --> 00:08:46,640
and it's these that are the perpetrators
of the splash formation on your khakis.
106
00:08:50,680 --> 00:08:52,000
Moment of truth.
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00:08:55,240 --> 00:08:56,240
And?
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- Guess it's dry.
- We have to be certain.
109
00:09:00,840 --> 00:09:03,040
- You mind if I take a look?
- All right.
110
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Oh my God.
111
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No drops. No wetness.
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No visible or tactile signs
of splashback.
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00:09:22,040 --> 00:09:24,920
- I did it! It works!
- Enough!
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00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:28,600
We landed on the fuckin' Moon,
and here we are,
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in the pisser, you pestering me
about your goddamn pee net.
116
00:09:30,600 --> 00:09:33,360
It's called "The Urinal Splash
Guard 1.0".
117
00:09:33,440 --> 00:09:35,360
Who cares what it's called?
118
00:09:37,240 --> 00:09:41,280
- What the fuck?
- It's the prototype.
119
00:09:42,680 --> 00:09:45,720
This... is ridiculous.
120
00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:53,520
Another historic day is upon us.
121
00:09:53,600 --> 00:09:55,840
Our heroes have returned home.
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00:09:55,920 --> 00:09:58,480
For the first time,
Neil Armstrong, Buzz Aldrin,
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and Michael Collins will share
their personal experiences
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00:10:02,640 --> 00:10:07,680
of their heroic Apollo mission
with the public.
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00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:22,000
Hey!
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00:10:33,280 --> 00:10:37,920
Visitors are not allowed in this area.
127
00:10:40,920 --> 00:10:42,360
I... I work here.
128
00:10:42,960 --> 00:10:46,040
Yeah? Well, I've never seen
and I would have,
129
00:10:46,200 --> 00:10:49,640
'cause... I'm a lavatory supervisor.
130
00:10:50,720 --> 00:10:52,320
I run this place.
131
00:10:53,760 --> 00:10:54,760
George...
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00:10:56,960 --> 00:11:01,440
- Loser?
- It's Losser, double S.
133
00:11:10,680 --> 00:11:14,680
I believe humans have
a finite amount of heartbeats
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00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:17,000
and I don't intend to waste mine
on exercise.
135
00:11:35,720 --> 00:11:39,120
- Last question.
- Ricky Deck, LA Brutalist .
136
00:11:39,440 --> 00:11:43,880
Mr. Armstrong, what is our place in the
universe and where are we heading?
137
00:11:45,560 --> 00:11:51,480
Well, scientifically, Earth is travelling
many thousand of miles per hour
138
00:11:51,560 --> 00:11:54,480
in the direction of the constellation
Hercules,
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00:11:54,560 --> 00:11:56,960
to an unknown destination
in the cosmos.
140
00:12:16,360 --> 00:12:19,520
But I can tell you much more
precisely where I'm going,
141
00:12:19,600 --> 00:12:21,400
and that's the little boys room.
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00:12:21,680 --> 00:12:23,240
If space teaches you anything,
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00:12:23,320 --> 00:12:26,720
it's to appreciate the quality
of a good ol' fashioned pee.
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00:13:05,680 --> 00:13:07,400
Embrace the mystery.
145
00:13:13,920 --> 00:13:17,840
What do we say when the budget comes
up for review? The sky is the limit!
146
00:13:19,680 --> 00:13:23,280
Got another one. Why did Mickey
Mouse go to outer space? To find Pluto!
147
00:13:25,680 --> 00:13:28,240
Gentlemen, could I have
a word with you?
148
00:13:28,320 --> 00:13:30,520
Neil, something wrong?
149
00:13:35,560 --> 00:13:38,680
Do you happen to know anything about
the plastic thingy, back in the john?
150
00:13:39,800 --> 00:13:44,360
It's kinda like a... like a circle,
filled with holes and bumps?
151
00:13:45,720 --> 00:13:49,240
Oh, I'm so sorry. Excuse me.
I... It's my fault.
152
00:13:49,680 --> 00:13:51,960
May I... ask why?
153
00:13:53,800 --> 00:13:57,240
Well, thirty years
I've been having some,
154
00:13:57,320 --> 00:13:58,960
some trouble with the john.
155
00:14:00,240 --> 00:14:02,400
Sprayed khakis, yellow stains
on my sleeves
156
00:14:02,480 --> 00:14:03,920
and ammonia-scented shirts.
157
00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:06,480
Not even once have
I left the battlefield dry.
158
00:14:06,680 --> 00:14:08,000
And God knows I've tried everything.
159
00:14:08,360 --> 00:14:11,320
Stopped aiming directly at a 90 degree
angle to avoid the kickback,
160
00:14:11,440 --> 00:14:14,520
moved in closer,
reduced the angle, nothin'.
161
00:14:14,600 --> 00:14:15,960
I tried both sides.
162
00:14:16,040 --> 00:14:19,520
I even tried to control
the impact velocity and pressure.
163
00:14:19,600 --> 00:14:21,800
By the way, that's a real bummer.
164
00:14:22,360 --> 00:14:27,480
Seems I'm, I'm destined to
become a... "Sitzpinkler".
165
00:14:29,600 --> 00:14:34,360
- Wha-a-what's a... "Sitzsprinkler"?
- "Sitzpinkler".
166
00:14:34,520 --> 00:14:38,000
It's German,
for "a man who sits down to pee".
167
00:14:43,720 --> 00:14:48,640
Oh, so sorry! Sorry!
Oh, don't mind me, don't mind me.
168
00:14:52,120 --> 00:14:55,800
- Are you talkin' about the... pee net?
- That's how you call it?
169
00:14:57,320 --> 00:14:58,480
Yeah.
170
00:14:59,280 --> 00:15:02,040
Just when I thought the Saturn V
was the peek of your inventions,
171
00:15:02,120 --> 00:15:04,040
you geniuses come up with this!
172
00:15:04,760 --> 00:15:09,040
For the first time in my life,
after taking a pee, I feel like a man!
173
00:15:09,480 --> 00:15:12,680
So, so... which brilliant mind
came up with this?
174
00:15:13,360 --> 00:15:14,960
I did! I did!
175
00:15:19,800 --> 00:15:21,400
- Well...
- I... I...
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00:15:24,200 --> 00:15:26,520
What the hell?
What's wrong with you, boy?
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00:15:26,680 --> 00:15:28,680
I'm so sorry!
178
00:15:29,680 --> 00:15:30,680
Dammit!
179
00:15:37,880 --> 00:15:42,400
No point to keep it a secret anymore.
Seems I'm the guilty party.
180
00:15:42,840 --> 00:15:44,040
Really?
181
00:15:44,480 --> 00:15:47,560
You know, it was a little
secret passion project of mine.
182
00:15:48,720 --> 00:15:50,800
I didn't know you where into science?
183
00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:57,080
- I thought it was kinda dumb, really.
- Dumb? It's boss.
184
00:15:57,160 --> 00:15:58,520
Jack, you're a genius!
185
00:16:03,560 --> 00:16:05,240
I want in on this.
186
00:16:09,080 --> 00:16:15,160
Yeah! Yeah! I like it! I like it!
187
00:17:02,080 --> 00:17:06,400
I still can't believe it. Neil wants
to be a partner. It's crazy, right?
188
00:17:07,320 --> 00:17:10,200
I mean, all he's yammering about
is this goddamn pee net.
189
00:17:10,640 --> 00:17:12,400
I've told you a million times,
190
00:17:12,480 --> 00:17:16,400
it's "The Urinal Splash
Guard 1-point-fucking-O".
191
00:17:17,480 --> 00:17:19,520
Look, I know you're upset,
192
00:17:19,600 --> 00:17:22,520
but I mean you have to understand
how those guys tick.
193
00:17:22,600 --> 00:17:23,800
How those guys tick?
194
00:17:24,160 --> 00:17:28,360
Yeah, to them, and don't get
this wrong, you're a nobody.
195
00:17:28,560 --> 00:17:31,160
So, I said the only thing that made
sense.
196
00:17:31,240 --> 00:17:34,280
Who cares who's names's on it,
as long as you get your share.
197
00:17:34,360 --> 00:17:35,840
Share... of what?
198
00:17:35,920 --> 00:17:39,920
Well, Neil was at a reception
at the White House.
199
00:17:40,120 --> 00:17:41,680
Now, you gotta know one thing:
200
00:17:41,760 --> 00:17:44,040
Tricky Dick's absolutely in love
with Neil,
201
00:17:44,120 --> 00:17:48,440
he's eating out of his palm. So, there's
Neil filling Dicky's ear with one thing,
202
00:17:48,840 --> 00:17:51,800
and it's not the goddamn
Moon landing, but...
203
00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:56,640
"The Urinal Splash Guard 1.0".
204
00:17:57,120 --> 00:18:00,040
How "great it is", how "revolutionary".
205
00:18:01,480 --> 00:18:04,560
Turns out, he got curiosity
from the Dick of all dicks.
206
00:18:05,240 --> 00:18:06,520
What do you mean?
207
00:18:07,120 --> 00:18:10,480
Nixon demands a pee test,
for him and his entourage, at NASA.
208
00:18:10,560 --> 00:18:14,040
- You're serious about this?
- Get ready to have your mind blown.
209
00:18:14,320 --> 00:18:15,720
If we deliver,
210
00:18:15,800 --> 00:18:18,600
he'll install tens of thousands
of the bastards
211
00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:21,800
in military facilities all over the US
of fucking A!
212
00:18:22,760 --> 00:18:26,560
You know what that means?
Private contract with the government,
213
00:18:26,640 --> 00:18:30,520
and lots and lots of taxpayer
smackeroos pouring into our pockets.
214
00:18:32,560 --> 00:18:35,160
- Well, this is big news.
- Well, fuck yeah it is!
215
00:18:36,880 --> 00:18:41,800
Right, we've got 16 urinals,
so we need 16 pieces in 48 hours.
216
00:18:41,960 --> 00:18:47,520
- Can you deliver?
- I... Well... I... I guess...
217
00:18:48,200 --> 00:18:49,400
- Yeah.
- Good!
218
00:18:51,360 --> 00:18:53,280
And I'll put champagne on ice.
219
00:18:59,240 --> 00:19:01,840
You and me... partners.
220
00:19:04,240 --> 00:19:07,920
- Who would've thought, right?
- Right.
221
00:19:08,040 --> 00:19:11,480
So, what's my share gonna be?
60 percent? 70?
222
00:19:11,560 --> 00:19:13,280
Yeah. About that...
223
00:19:14,280 --> 00:19:17,920
Well, you see, you know,
there's Neil, myself, legal fees,
224
00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:20,520
you know, a few palms will have
to be greased.
225
00:19:20,920 --> 00:19:23,320
Nixon, his hand's deep
in the cookie jar,
226
00:19:23,400 --> 00:19:25,200
he'll want a piece
of the action too.
227
00:19:25,680 --> 00:19:28,440
- How about... two?
- What?
228
00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:31,920
What, three?
229
00:19:36,200 --> 00:19:39,120
Oh my God!
Did we just hit somebody?
230
00:19:43,800 --> 00:19:46,520
Oh, thank God! It's just
a stupid fuckin' mutt.
231
00:19:50,320 --> 00:19:53,760
Oh, but he's still alive.
We should take him to a veterinarian.
232
00:19:53,880 --> 00:19:56,120
No way! It's a junk yard dog.
233
00:19:57,240 --> 00:20:00,160
Well if you're not gonna take him,
at least put him out of his misery.
234
00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:02,840
I gotta meeting,
I'm not making my hands dirty.
235
00:20:04,920 --> 00:20:06,680
Stupid fuckin' mutt!
236
00:20:07,720 --> 00:20:10,840
Got it polished a week ago.
Hundred bucks.
237
00:20:28,280 --> 00:20:30,200
There you go. Not bad.
238
00:20:40,280 --> 00:20:43,440
Don't feel sorry.
It's an ugly, useless, flea bag.
239
00:20:44,440 --> 00:20:45,800
It's not fair.
240
00:20:48,200 --> 00:20:52,400
That's how the world works.
Some are just born to get fucked.
241
00:22:15,720 --> 00:22:18,880
Mr. President, it's an honor
to meet you, sir.
242
00:22:19,240 --> 00:22:22,880
May I introduce you
to Mr. Jack Wancker,
243
00:22:22,960 --> 00:22:24,600
one of our brightest minds.
244
00:22:24,680 --> 00:22:26,360
It's a real honor, Mr. President.
245
00:22:26,440 --> 00:22:29,120
So, you're the mastermind behind
this pee net?
246
00:22:29,200 --> 00:22:32,040
I like to think I'm only serving
my country, sir.
247
00:22:32,120 --> 00:22:33,800
Spoken like a true patriot.
248
00:22:34,200 --> 00:22:37,080
You've got a bright future
ahead of you, son.
249
00:22:37,200 --> 00:22:38,200
Lead on.
250
00:23:21,440 --> 00:23:25,400
I'm afraid we're all outta johns.
You'll have to hold it a little longer.
251
00:23:35,560 --> 00:23:37,080
So, this is it?
252
00:23:37,840 --> 00:23:41,480
The future of American
lavatory culture.
253
00:23:45,320 --> 00:23:46,560
Ready!
254
00:23:58,200 --> 00:23:59,520
Aim!
255
00:24:06,040 --> 00:24:07,040
Fire!
256
00:24:10,520 --> 00:24:13,160
Jesus, Mary and Joseph!
257
00:24:15,880 --> 00:24:16,880
Jeez!
258
00:24:53,720 --> 00:24:56,440
Mr. President, I'm so sorry!
259
00:25:08,080 --> 00:25:11,200
Jack, this will have consequences!
260
00:25:14,720 --> 00:25:15,840
Fuck!
261
00:25:16,440 --> 00:25:17,720
CLASSIFIED
262
00:25:17,840 --> 00:25:19,760
Shortly after the incident,
263
00:25:19,840 --> 00:25:23,600
Jack Wancker admitted to the
NASA investigating committee,
264
00:25:23,720 --> 00:25:27,360
that the wee net was solely
George Losser's idea.
265
00:25:27,440 --> 00:25:29,320
It was George.
You know George Lo... Losser?
266
00:25:29,400 --> 00:25:30,440
Bob knows.
267
00:25:30,520 --> 00:25:32,600
And that he had merely
taken credit for it.
268
00:25:36,640 --> 00:25:38,840
Jack was only reprimanded
for his actions.
269
00:25:40,520 --> 00:25:43,800
Yeeees! Sorry judge.
270
00:25:44,280 --> 00:25:45,840
And then six months later,
271
00:25:45,920 --> 00:25:48,960
Jack was promoted
to the White House Chief of Staff.
272
00:25:49,320 --> 00:25:51,480
He was chosen personally
by the President,
273
00:25:51,560 --> 00:25:54,480
for his patriotism
and impeccable drive.
274
00:25:54,960 --> 00:25:58,720
Some say, he has a great chance
of becoming President one day.
275
00:26:00,400 --> 00:26:03,920
As for George Losser,
well he was immediately... fired.
276
00:26:11,040 --> 00:26:14,800
But, shortly after, George
became a physics teacher
277
00:26:14,920 --> 00:26:17,840
in elementary school,
and some say he was really happy.
278
00:26:20,320 --> 00:26:24,520
George Loser. Double S, right?
279
00:26:35,600 --> 00:26:36,960
How's unemployment?
280
00:26:45,600 --> 00:26:49,360
And as for "The Urinal Splash
Guard 1.0", well...
281
00:26:50,800 --> 00:26:53,520
George never returned
to his invention.
282
00:27:08,160 --> 00:27:12,120
Only a month later, a so called
"Pee Net" was registered
283
00:27:12,200 --> 00:27:14,560
at the patent office,
284
00:27:16,520 --> 00:27:19,720
by a man called Liam Prick.
285
00:27:20,960 --> 00:27:23,600
He became a multimillionaire.
286
00:27:24,360 --> 00:27:28,280
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