# Oooh, ooh, ooh
# Lots of snow and mistletoe
# Nat King Cole on the stereo
# It's that time again
# Gingerbread and jingle bells
# Let's go riding in our sleigh
# It's that time again
# Through this winter wonderland
# It's that time again... #
ALARM BEEPS
OK.
Ah-ah-ah!
Ooh, Jack. Hot. Oven mitts!
Oh, I don't need them.
I have super heat tolerance in my fingertips
from working at a pizza place in high school.
Oh, I love you.
And you have many great qualities,
but you do not have super heat tolerance.
Oh, I beg to differ. My...
OVEN BEEPS
Oh, onion rings!
Ah! Oh...
Hot... Hot! Oven mitts.
I don't need them. Ah!
Are you OK?
Are YOU OK?
Yeah, I'm fine.
Run them under water or something. Feel. Do you feel anything?
Yeah, just... Just in case, though.
Do you see anything? Just... I mean... I'm going to do it.
I'm going to do it because I have to clean my hands, but I don't...
Are you good?
Yeah.
Let's see what you got.
All right.
No, don't know, I'm telling you.
You know, you're skipping over some good ones.
Ahh. Yeah.
Oh, that's a good choice, actually. Oh, that's a good choice.
Yeah. If you want to...if you want to get the party ended.
OK, well... Yeah?
That's my secret weapon!
MUSIC: Merry Xmas Everybody by Slade
That's not fair. OK, then. OK, well, fine. I guess we don't need me.
I guess I'm not needed. Aw.
# Are you hanging up your stockings on the wall... #
Pretty sensitive, I guess.
# It's the time where every Santa has to call
BOTH: # Does he ride a red-nosed reindeer?
# Does a ton-up on his sleigh
# Do the fairies keep him sober for a day?
Here we go. Here we go.
ALL: # So here it is, Merry Christmas
# Everybody's having fun
# Look to the future now... #
KNOCK ON DOOR
I'll get it, I'll get it. Ah, you win. You win, OK.
Happy Christmas, you guys. Hi!
Oh, we're so sorry we're late. Our sitter cancelled
and we were going to stay home, and Marcus said,
"Let's just bring Henry."
Of course. Hi, Henry.
You know what?
We're going to leave.
No, he's welcome. Of course he is.
Oh, my God. Don't be silly.
Caroline, oh. We brought wine.
We need a party so bad.
Hey, where have you been?
I texted you, like, 70 times.
You don't text me back.
Oh, yes.
Let's get you some eggnog with a little rum in it.
Oh, Jack.
I'm kidding! I'm kidding.
Hey, who brought their mother?
It's not cool.
Not cool.
Look, yes, you're going to love this.
Look at this.
Crush the Christmas village.
Christmas smash.
That's frickin' adorable.
Jack's going to be such a good dad.
OK. Let's, yeah, get you more wine.
Here we go.
Brrrr!
Boink.
HENRY CRIES
I know. You don't want to see Mummy.
I know, you just want Uncle Jack.
I think that was a very successful party.
Yeah, we throw exceptional parties. I feel like if I went to that party,
I'd be home right now talking about how fun it was. Oh, for months.
Except for that guy, Henry. What a problem.
Oh, my God.
He kept trying to grab Trish's boob right in front of her husband.
Oh, cancel that guy.
I know. It's wild.
What a perv.
THEY CHUCKLE
By the way, I was thinking, when we get back,
we should...we should start trying.
Trying what?
You know, to have a little pervert of our own.
Oh, yeah. I thought you...
So, like, 1st of January?
Like, first quarter of next year?
Oh, first quarter, second quarter.
I don't know. I don't want to overpromise to shareholders.
But, Jack, there's two VP slots opening up this year
and I really think I have a chance at one of them,
which is not going to happen if... Yeah, yeah. No, no, no rush.
So what, like, August, September?
Ooh. Wow, that soon.
Didn't we say we'd wait a few years when we got married?
Yeah, we did, but that was a few years ago.
Yeah, but I just...
It still changes everything, you know?
I mean, do you want to be like Trish and Marcus?
They were falling asleep on the couch at midnight.
No, for many reasons, I don't want to be like Trish and Marcus.
I want to be like Jack and Caroline - and Buster.
It's a boy.
Or if it's a girl, works the same.
Hmm. Yeah, well, it's just that Jack and Caroline get to go out
with their friends whenever they want.
And last week, we stood in line for two hours to try deep-fried bagels.
Can't do that with a baby.
And you can basically kiss your D&D goodbye.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Are you...?
Are you saying I have to choose between a baby
and 16th-level cleric Merlin Flashwand.
Your character's name is Merlin Flashwand?
Yeah, yeah.
I was 13 years old when I came up with that gem.
It was hilarious at the time and... Jack, trust me,
I grew up in a very noisy, very big family.
We don't want that kind of chaos in our life.
Yeah, you're right. I know.
We're happy. We're...
We're good, we're young. Well, you're young.
And Buster's a good name for a dog, too. Yeah.
Buster ONLY works for a dog. Right.
Yeah, I know. It's...
I love what we have.
I don't need some...some baby I don't even know messing that up.
Nah.
I love you. I love you, too.
Oh, Christmas in Ireland.
Yeah, I'm a bit nervous.
I haven't been there for Christmas in four years.
Really? I guess so, yeah.
Because the wedding and then we've been going to my parents
every year for Christmas, which, oh, that reminds me,
I got to call them and tell them I'm not coming home this year.
Oof. Oh, I'm sure they can do one Christmas
without their precious Jacky boy.
Oh, ha-ha. Hey, I'm an only child, OK?
I'm not used to disappointing them.
Which, by the way,
would you mind calling them for me?
Everyone is so friendly.
I can't believe we're here already.
I don't even remember taking off.
Yeah, you sounded like a baby.
I know. Which is ironic,
because all the other babies were awake the whole way.
This is us, I think. Yeah, I think so.
It's a Volvo. OK, are you sure you don't want me to drive?
I grew up here. I know the roads.
Caroline, I'm a grown man capable of driving
on the other side of the road. All right, all right. Thank you.
Jack, Jack, Jack! Wrong lane.
Ah!
HORN BEEPS
Oh, my God.
You OK? Yeah, you drive.
Yeah, I think so. OK.
Want to run through everyone's names one more time? OK.
Aidan, the oldest brother, has two kids, Liam and Saoirse.
He was married to Siobhan, and they're divorced now.
OK, good. But you can skip that part.
Then there's Pauline, married to Malcolm.
His semen produced Sean and Patrick, who are not twins.
Maeve is the middle sister married to Finn and they have baby Clara.
Well done. Now let's do my mum's side.
Bring it on.
Bally... What's this county called?
Oh, so, this is your town? This is it.
Ballyogue. Aw.
Here we are.
Ahh, I love it. What is that?
Oh, that's the living nativity.
Oh, right. Yeah.
Everyone in town signs up for a spot.
Oh, wow, that's so fun.
Oh, wow, they're really committed.
Look at them.
OK. Well, as I live and breathe.
Is that Caroline Reilly?
Hi, Mrs Gallagher.
Oh, no, please call me Mary.
Oh, of course, cos of the...
No, cos that's my name.
Sorry. Tell your mother I said hi.
He's lovely.
Yeah. Welcome to Ireland, Jack.
Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas. ALL: Merry Christmas!
I don't see Joseph.
Oh, wow.
This is great.
I love that your dad owns a pub.
And his dad owned it and his dad before him.
Reilly's. Cool. Reilly's, yeah.
It's going to be packed this week. Yeah? Yeah.
The Christmas Eve party here is kind of a Ballyogue tradition.
Oh, right! It's surreal, cos I've heard so much about it.
To see it... Wow. Oh, shoot.
There's a step there. Oh, my God. Wow.
This is not cool. Oh, hey.
Wow.
I know you said Ballyogue was a small town,
but is this everybody? Nollaig shona dhuit!
Ah. Nollaig shona dhuit.
HE ATTEMPTS IRISH
..to you.
What, Jack? Jack. What?
It's nollaig shona dhuit. It means Happy Christmas in Irish.
Isn't that what I said? No, Jack, it isn't. Welcome to Reilly's.
What can I get yous? I'm Caroline.
Oh, well, that's fine.
What can I get yous, Caroline?
Caroline.
Dad, hi. You're home!
OK, Dad, just mind yourself. Put me down.
Oh. Oh, my gosh.
Hello. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Hey...
Hey!
HE ATTEMPTS IRISH
Erm... Oh, my...
It means Happy Christmas in Irish.
It most certainly does not.
Ah. Dad, where is everyone?
What are you talking about? There's Jerry and Mike right there.
Hey, lads.
You remember my daughter, Caroline?
Sure.
The fancy executive making million-dollar deals for breakfast.
Is it true you ride to work every day in a limousine?
What? No. What? Dad, what are you telling people?
Mostly that you ride to work every day in a limousine.
You try explaining what an executive director in marketing analytics
does to Gerry O'Sullivan.
Um, well, basically, my department is responsible
for quantising data metrics to determine if there's any ROI
on our CTAs, BPs, CPs, and TLPs.
HE BELCHES
Wow. Now, that's impressive.
Yeah. I ride to work every day in a limousine.
And I couldn't be more proud. Cheers.
Jack, you'll have a whisky? A whisky... Now?
Oh, no, thank you. It's, like, 10am.
Just get something. Oh, right.
Well, beer it is, then.
Yeah. Ah, OK.
Let's get a round it. OK.
Tell me again.
Nollaig... Nollaig shona dhuit.
Nollaig... No, Jack, Jack.
Yeah. Nollaig shona dhuit. Nollaig shona dhuit.
Nollaig shona dhuit. Nollaig... I'm just going to say it fast
so people don't judge me. Nollaig shona dhuit.
Thank you, guys. Are you sure?
Yeah? OK. Thanks.
Wow.
So weird the place is dead.
I can't believe he just let me walk out with this beer.
Wow. Here, here.
Oh, I got it. I got it. Here.
SHE SIGHS
Can you hold that?
Oi! Wow.
This is great. This is great.
Ha!
It looks like it belongs on a Christmas card or something.
If you two don't stop fighting,
I swear to God I'll cancel Christmas.
Boys, take it outside, please. Come on.
You've got a whole bloody island to destroy.
CLATTERING
That better not be my Christmas tree.
It took me two full days to decorate that tree.
Hi, Mum! Caroline!
And Jack!
Finally here.
Yeah. When did you two get here?
CLARA CRIES
Oh!
Hi. Hi, we've been here for, like, five minutes.
Oh, God, sorry. I'm knackered.
Welcome. How was your flight?
Are you tired? You look tired.
Oh, thanks. Let me get you a drink.
Oh, we just had one, actually.
Then you need another one. Oh, no, I...
Hey! Jack and Caroline are here!
Oh! How are you? Oh, yes!
Hi! Oh, hey.
Oh, it is so good to see you.
Oh, boys, boys!
Oh, boys, no.
Excuse me. Come back here!
Oh, Sean, for the love of God,
would you put that broom down?
How're you doing anyway? Yeah... Yeah, yeah.
We're good. It's been kind of... That's great.
Um... Sorry.
Have you...? Oh, third blowout today.
Oh, awful. Back in a sec.
Who's hungry? Oh, thank you.
Yes, I could eat. I'm... Sure.
Come on, come on, come on.
We might as well.
Oh, my God. Mm!
Wow.
Mm! Nadine, this beef stew is amazing.
Oh, I'm glad you liked it. Mm. Can I get you a little bit more?
No, no, thank you, I... I reached my limit.
I had three bowls of this.
Are you sure now? Yes, positive. Don't be polite.
I'm not, truly.
I'm actually in a lot of pain.
Leave him alone. He's full.
Yes, thank you, Caroline. Fine.
Dessert, then.
No. Nadine, what are you doing?
I truly...
I'm...
You're...? Thank you. I...
OK. Thank you so much.
These look delicious. I appreciate it.
HE MOUTHS
HE EXHALES
So, we passed the pub
on the way here.
It was pretty dead.
What's going on?
Oh, yeah. Folks are probably down at Cormac's place.
Cormac? Like Cormac O'Leary?
Who's, um...?
Who's that?
Caroline never told you about Cormac? No.
Oh, he and Caroline were quite the item back in the day.
Oh. If I'm being honest, I don't think he ever quite got over her.
Really? Mm-hm.
That's very interesting.
It was years ago.
I'm sure he's almost over me by now.
Uh-uh! Oh, you're turning a little red.
I doubt he's over you.
Why should he be?
Oh, who would be over you? I don't blame him, by the way.
I think it's cute.
The small town lad still pining away for the one who got away.
I'll tell you this,
he has good taste.
Who's that?
That's him?
And that's just his front side.
What does that mean, Nadine? Cormac opened a pub?
Yeah, it's quite popular. What? That's his frontside.
They have the karaoke, which the young crowd seem to like.
Sorry, when did this happen?
Oh, I suppose about two years ago.
Why didn't you tell me about this?
It's not a big deal, Caroline.
But what about the pub? What about Christmas Eve? Oh.
What if no-one shows up? What are you doing? Hey, buddy.
What are you doing? Woof.
Oh, you're a doggie.
He needs to do something, Mum. He needs to innovate.
Update the menu. Invest in some entertainment.
What does...does puppy want a treat? Woof. Yeah?
OK, here we go.
Yes, sit. Good boy.
Here you go. Calm down.
You don't know what you're on about.
Yeah, I don't know what I'm talking about.
Can puppy...can puppy beg?
HE PANTS
Good boy. Good doggie.
OK. Can puppy do a paw?
A shake? Yeah.
Oh, paw, good boy.
My degree is in business, so I wouldn't have a clue
about the basic economics of a small town pub culture.
Can puppy fart?
HE SNARLS
Whoa!
Sean!
Where is that child of mine?
Where is he? Where's Sean?
Now, listen, I'll distract her.
But you've got to make a run for it. OK.
Oh, little animal just tied his brother to a tree.
I'm going to kill him. Come here. Right, don't rat me out.
Oh, I know, I know. Come here, come here, come here.
I don't. I have not seen him.
You want me to take him? I can take him.
Cos I'm going outside anyway. I can untie him.
You sure? Yeah. I got you. Come on, buddy.
Ah! No, you don't.
Get back here, Sean. I'm going to untie you.
I'm really good at untying knots
because Caroline's always tying me up.
JACK LAUGHS
Jack! I'm kidding.
He doesn't know what were talking about. Stop talking.
I'm going to take a shower.
Put me down! All right, here we go.
Let's see. What do we got here?
Oh, it's actually a really good knot. That's impressive.
But I was very cool when I was your age,
so I also got tied up a lot.
Got very good at untying knots.
Why do you think your brother ties you up, huh?
I don't know. He's just annoying.
Yeah, he's annoying, but it's also because he knows he can.
You want Sean to stop tying you up?
Well, then you got to show him who's boss.
Right? So how do you do that?
Because the problem is, guys like us, we're...
We're kind of small. Yeah. Shall we try it out?
I want you to show me.
Show me that you're a man who's not going to be messed with.
What does that look like to you?
Oh!
Oh... Sorry.
Oh, that's OK.
JACK COUGHS
Are you OK? Yes, I'm great.
I'm actually really good. I'm OK.
I'm good.
Thank you. Where are you...? Where are you going?
Well, it was a good talk. Good talk.
HE GROANS
Got it! Coming.
Oh, hey. It's yours? Hey, lads, it's Jack.
What's up, fellas? There you go.
You're welcome, fella.
Playing a little soccer?
HE SIGHS
Gaelic football, boyo.
Oh, cool. Just whipping the lads into shape before the match
on Christmas Eve.
Huh! Oh, Jeez.
I'd ask you to join us, but we're full. Oh.
You can practise with us if you want, though.
Oh, that's OK. Thanks, Finn.
Patrick punched me really hard in the balls,
so I think I'll just watch.
My Patrick did that? Oh, yeah. You would've been really proud.
Yeah, and he seemed to have no remorse.
Well done, kiddo.
Yeah. Classic Patrick.
Huh! See you in a bit.
Back to it. OK.
Have fun.
Liam.
Oh, hey. Saoirse.
Saoirse. Yeah. "Sor-sha"?
"Ser-sa." "Ser-sa."
Such a pretty name. It's cool.
We don't have any Saoirses where I'm from.
So sorry if I butcher it a few more times.
That's OK.
Liam, come on.
Oh, there's... Hey, there's Liam.
This way.
Doesn't seem like it's his thing, huh? No.
See he's running... I thought you couldn't touch it with your hands
in football. That's football-football.
This is Gaelic football.
Oh. You can carry the ball for four steps.
Uh-huh. You can kick it, or you can solo it. OK.
Go on! Throw it through the posts for one
and kick it into the net for three.
You can tackle the ball but not each other. Right.
Unless no-one's looking and then all bets are off.
OK.
That... Thanks for clearing it up.
Liam!
Put your head into the game. And out of your arse!
Sorry.
I would have had that.
We'd be up by 2-0 by now.
"Arse" is... Is "arse" ass?
Yeah.
Whoa.
It's hardcore.
You're hardcore.
Same again, lads.
I don't get it. Why don't you just jump in there?
Yeah, right.
As my dad keeps reminding us,
the honour of the Reilly man is on the line.
I'm not a Reilly man, as you can see.
Well...
Does that...? Does that really matter?
I mean, if you're so good, you should...
Who cares?
It's just a game.
Not this year.
Cormac O'Leary's been taking all my grandpa's business,
so dad made a bet.
The loser of the match has to close his pub on Christmas Eve.
That's it. Go on, Liam. Oh.
Go on, Liam. Straight ahead.
Cormac O'Leary's the handsome one? Go on, son.
Oh!
SHE SIGHS
Looks like this will be the first Christmas Eve in 100 years
the Reilly's pub is closed.
WHISPERS: Oh, my God.
They're actual maniacs.
Is it all sorted? Yeah, it is now.
Oh. Gosh.
Pauline, I was getting out of...
Sh, sh, sh! Oh.
WHISPERS: I'm so sorry.
She's asleep.
Oh, there, there. There, there.
Sh!
SHE MOUTHS
Thank you.
Thank you. Oh, my gosh. They just don't stop.
I know!
Shall we have a drink?
Oh, yes. Yes, please.
A big one. Yes.
CLARA CRIES
SHE MOUTHS
Shall we go to the pub? Definitely.
Let's go.
OK, Clara. Can you get the bag there?
Wait, I just need to change. No, it's fine, I have it.
Oh, come here.
She's a Reilly, all right.
She won't sleep at home, but bring her to the pub
and she passes right out.
Oh, please.
Sean didn't sleep for his entire third year of life.
I called the police once and asked if they would just lock him up
for a noise disturbance.
No, just for a night. I'm not kidding.
I'm still not 100% sure he isn't the actual devil.
Yeah.
Do you ever...?
Do you, like, miss your life before you had them?
Obviously. Every day.
Really? Yes.
It's so hard.
But, as in, do you wish you hadn't had them?
No!
Are you out of your mind?
They're the most wonderful thing
that has ever happened to either of us.
Yeah, but you just spent the last 20 minutes saying
that they drive you crazy, so...
Stop. That's what parents do.
You have kids and you complain about them. You'll see.
Well, who says that we're definitely having kids?
Really?
You don't want kids?
I mean, we're happy with how things are.
Huh. Why?
Why, what's huh?
Hmm, nothing.
Nope, nothing.
Just...
I've just thought Jack was so natural with the kids,
so I'm just surprised that he doesn't want a family of his own.
Well, Maeve, I've worked very hard the past few years
in my job to get where I am and I love what I do.
So... And I also don't have Mum and Dad down the road
to help me with everything.
OK. Jesus.
Well, you could always move home.
There's plenty of help here. OK. Maeve, she's not moving home.
Hey, what about Jack?
Jack also loves that I love what I do.
Caroline.
Fine. I think he thinks that if we have kids, he's just going
to have this crew of buddies to hang out with.
But, you see, doesn't that sound cute?
Yeah, I know, I know. I guess it kind of does.
It does. And it is, I think...
I just, I don't know if, like...
I don't know if I'm...
..ready.
I guess.
Oh, trust me.
There's never a good time to have kids.
You're never truly ready.
Never.
You should talk to him.
We have talked about it
and Jack agrees with me.
Does he now? OK. He does, yeah.
It's all good. Yeah.
And it definitely doesn't sound like
it's going to be the end of your marriage.
Pauline! What?
Who said it doesn't?
HE MUMBLES
Oh, hey, Liam.
Oh, hey, Uncle Jack.
What's up?
Looks like you got a lot of mud on you. I do.
The good thing about that is it covers the blood.
Uh, yeah, I guess so.
Really awful to think about.
I saw you practising today. That... Oh, you did?
Man, that's, like, a tough game.
Only if you're terrible at it, like me.
Well, the worst part for me is I also hate it,
but my dad's not really giving me a choice, so...
Huh. See you, Uncle Jack.
OK. Yeah, I'll see you, Liam.
What...?
What are you guys up to?
Nothing. Looks like you're up to no good.
We aren't.
All right. Well, I'll have to believe you.
Hey, should we be worried about your brother?
No. No. No?
I don't know, you know him better than I do.
Let's go eat some cookies. Yeah! Go on, I'll beat you there.
Oh, look at you.
Stealing ciders when my back is turned.
It's like you're 14 again.
You knew about that?
I'm your da.
I know everything.
HE CHUCKLES
It's so nice to be back here, especially for the holidays.
Mm.
Well, why don't you spread some of that Christmas cheer
and bring these over to those two ladies there, all right?
Did you change your recipe?
No, it's the same as it's always been.
Well, maybe you should think about it.
What's that supposed to mean?
Mum told me about Cormac stealing all your business.
Ah, I see. So if I change my fish and chip recipe,
it'll pack the house. Is that what you're saying?
Couldn't hurt.
Look, if you really want to help the pub,
just take those over before they get cold.
Fish and chips for yourself. Ah, thanks.
You're so welcome. Thank you. Enjoy.
This smells so good.
Hello?
Oh, it's suspiciously quiet in here.
CLARA CRIES
Hello?
Move. What? Move!
What's going on? Move.
Wait. Yes.
You ready?
Oh, Jack. Patrick, you ready?
No. All right. Yes.
Oh, yes, honey, could you...? Could you scooch?
No, Jack. I'm sorry.
I have to. They're making me do it.
It is the rule of the house, they said. Wait!
OK, here we go.
Now. Oh-oh-oh!
Woohoo! Ha-ha!
Yes! Uncle Jack, that was awesome.
Best uncle ever. Ah, yes!
That's right. Ah, right.
Yes, yes.
Jack... Yes!
That was so much fun.
Aunt Caroline, your husband's a riot!
Jack, don't break your nephews.
Oh, let it lie, girl. So long as they're not bothering us,
I'm grand with it.
Nadine, really, you know, I can finish this.
No, please. I wouldn't hear of it.
Can I do something? I... There you go.
..feel so useless.
Thank you.
Oh, good. Now, listen,
I should tell you that the springs on this sofa bed
have a habit of making themselves heard.
Oh, that's OK. We'll be fine.
No, I'll try and put it as delicately as I can.
Any "bowl-a-crackin'" on this bed can be heard throughout
the entire house.
"Bowl crack"... "Bowl cracking"?
I'm talking about fornication, Jack.
Oh, OK. You know?
Sex with my daughter.
Yes, got you. OK.
Oh, there she is.
Well, aren't you a feast for the eyes?
Good luck trying to keep the springs quiet with her looking like that.
Oh. Mum, that's...
Nice, yeah. Night, you two.
Sleep tight.
Yes, thank you, Nadine. That was so weird.
That was wild.
I can't believe that just happened.
Oh, so I'm a feast for the eyes.
You really are. You look adorable. Care for a midnight snack?
I kind of do, but she just gave me a whole talk.
I think we got to maybe chill out on the...
Oh... And yet... Yeah. But you know what?
Well, but...
BED SQUEAKS Oh, yeah, wow. She wasn't kidding.
Yeah, be really quiet. OK. Yeah, so we got to be really...
It'll be a fun challenge.
OK, so, like our wedding night. That's not fair.
I was drunk.
You can't weaponise that again. Wow.
This is crazy.
OK, we got to be really still.
OK.
SQUEAKING CONTINUES
Easy does it.
What? Sorry. I'm so sorry.
I was just laughing at the squeak.
Reminded me of something Patrick did today.
HE LAUGHS
Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.
He was... He was just staring at me.
I said, "What? Is something wrong?"
He goes, "I think something's wrong with my butt.
"I think there might be a mouse in it."
And I said... What? Yes, I got concerned.
I said, "Oh, my God." I moved closer to him.
And as I got closer, he just let out the squeakiest
highest-pitch fart, like, on cue.
It was amazing.
So weird. It was...
That Sean, he's funny.
Yeah. They're both really funny. Yeah.
What did he say to me? I know, he's teaching me Irish,
but I know... Oh, don't trust that.
No, I know they're dirty, because as soon as I say it,
he starts giggling.
What did he say to me? Oh, pogue mahone.
Yeah. What is that?
"Kiss my arse." Yeah, OK.
Yeah. He told me it was hello.
Oh, my God. They're so funny, though.
And Saoirse.
Saoirse. She's the best. Saoirse. Saoirse.
Saoirse. Man, she's cool.
She's great. Yes.
Oh, man, I totally get why you miss this place.
I really love it.
What's wrong?
No, nothing. Nothing wrong.
I know we're not talking about kids and all that.
I don't mean to do that.
I just feel like, you know I never say things like this,
I just feel like I'd be really good at it.
And I think you'd be amazing.
And... Jack, Jack, you had them for, like, an hour and a half.
I know. And they're not babies.
Babies are different.
Imagine, like, a tiny, tiny human
that we're solely responsible for.
That's terrifying. No?
Yeah, I know.
Well, what about Henry? We had him at our Christmas party.
He was a baby and we hung out with him all night.
We were like bros by the end. Playing with kids is completely different
to raising them.
We can't just hand our kid back at the end of the night.
I know that. It's a lot of work.
Yeah, I know that, too.
You love things when they're fun,
but you've a tendency to panic when things get real.
What does that mean?
Like, well, like the rental car today.
You drive on the left-hand side of the street. It's unnatural.
If we had a kid, I know you'd have loads of fun with them. I know.
You'd make them laugh and you'd have the best time ever.
But that's not what I'm concerned about. It's all the other stuff.
It's everything else. I know, I know.
But I've been thinking about that. See, all that other stuff,
If we do it together... But Jack. ..we can fill those gaps.
Jack, Jack. I have never once seen my mother sit down.
Not once in her entire life.
Seriously, I don't know how the woman uses the toilet.
I just...
How do you look after all these people and remain patient,
and have a career at the same time?
I just don't know if I'm built like that, you know?
You get that, right? Yeah.
Maybe she...
Maybe she pees standing up.
All right, let's...
OK.
Oh, boy.
Oh, oh, this thing.
What are you doing? Oh, I don't know, she put that in the bed.
OK.
Yeah.
Oh, man.
Oh.
Oh, hmm.
Oh, thank goodness that's done.
Was that about us? Thought you two were going to carry on all night.
Is she talking about us? I hope not.
Nadine, that wasn't what you think.
That was not us cracking bowls.
What's "crack..." What?
There's nowhere to go there, look.
Ah, have a look.
Come on, mate. Do something.
CHILDREN LAUGH
Shush, shush, shush!
I saw the boys at Cormac's practising last night
and I'm telling you, we should push our fullback line
out on the field straight from kickout.
Yeah. That way we can crowd the mark
and bring the passes in from the wide.
What do you think, Liam?
Dad, don't be stupid.
With your stamina, just run them down.
The most exercise his boys get is lifting pints off the bar.
Yeah, I think you guys should run them down.
Good idea, Liam.
Did I not just say that?
Saoirse, go and see if Granny needs help making the Christmas pudding.
I'll do it. I'll do it.
Don't be daft. You've got practice.
What's up with her? Jesus. Come on, get it in! Ahh. Ahh.
Caroline, we didn't wake you, did we?
Oh, look who's finally up.
Yeah, this jet lag is killing me.
Have a bite to eat.
It'll set you right.
Thank you.
I'm not really feeling the full Irish right now.
From the sound of those bed springs,
Jack was feeling the full Irish last night.
THEY LAUGH
Ew, Mum.
Oh, Pauline, you have a little mouse.
Oh, no, you don't.
No! No! You have to keep him away from sugar,
otherwise he goes full WWE.
Do you want coffee? Yes, please.
We were too worried about the smartness of him.
It's just pure...
Aargh!
JACK COUGHS
Is that Jack?
Oh, Patrick, what are you doing?!
Pick up that sugar, young man. I am so sorry.
What is wrong with our child?
I blame you and parents.
What the fuck?
PAULINE: Wait a second.
Sorry, Jack, did we wake you? Come on.
Oh, good morning, everyone.
Hello, baby.
You take her. Hello.
Hi, Clara.
Drop it.
Ugh, no-one has any fun in this house.
So, I was thinking of dropping by Cormac's pub today.
I bet you were.
Ooh. Not like that.
I just want to check out the competition.
See what Dad's up against this Christmas. Right, right.
And it's not because you wanted to check out how your ex-boyfriend's
holding up, nothing like that?
Unbelievably well, by the way.
I don't care.
This is strictly business.
Have you talked to your father about this?
I have, yes.
We've talked all about it.
Do you two want to come with?
Oh, I wish I could, but no, the guys are practising all day,
so I'm stuck with the boys.
Oh, unless, Mum, you wanted to.
Oh, forget it. I have too much to do.
Oh, everyone's up. Good morning.
Top of the morning to you. Top of... No, no, no.
Morning. Oh, I'm so sorry about that. Are you OK?
Oh, yeah. It was actually a really effective alarm clock.
He just missed my spleen, so that's good.
Oh, Nadine, yes, thank you. Yeah, we heard that.
It sounded bad.
Oh, it was fine.
Well, we're trying to pawn the boys off onto Mum.
Oh, really?
Thanks, Nadine. You're not... You're not watching them?
No, I've too much to do, Jack.
Well, I'll watch the boys.
Jack, no, listen, that's really sweet of you and everything,
but I couldn't ask you to do that.
Oh, no, no, I'd love to. I'll even watch the baby. No, you don't...
..have to do that.
Yeah, he does.
Yeah. Seriously, Caroline, back off. Jack, you've got this.
JACK: Mm-hm. Yes, I do have this.
Thank you, Pauline. It'd be my pleasure.
PAULINE: Yeah, and the Christmas market is up,
so the kids will love that.
Oh, that's perfect. OK, so I'll take them to town.
We'll go to the Christmas market, get them some sweets.
Yeah, maybe ride the Ferris wheel, do some ice skating.
It'll be fun. No, we don't have all that.
Hmm, we'll improvise.
It sounds like you're taking on quite a lot, though, Jack.
You know, it's not going to be all fun.
Like, I mean, Clara needs her diaper changed.
Yeah, but it's all in the bag.
It's totally self-explanatory.
You hear that?
It's all in the bag, literally.
Yeah, and Sean and Patrick need you to keep a close eye on them.
No, no, you just clip these onto the back of their little belt loops.
Then if they get too far out of sight,
don't be afraid to give them a good yank.
OK, great. I will do that.
- Have a little faith. - Yes, relax, I got this.
I can't relax. It's just you can't just pass them off
to someone if it gets hard, Jack. Yeah, I know that, honey.
I'm an adult. I'm fully capable of being responsible for children.
No-one said you weren't.
No? Because I feel like someone said I wasn't a couple of times.
All settled? Yes, all settled.
Here's the bag. OK, good.
I'm going to go get her changed. OK.
We have a date!
Be in the square for 3:50.
We've signed up to be the living nativity at four o'clock.
Oh, well, have a nice day.
Oh, I will. We all will.
Yeah, cheers.
You have fun, too. It's going to be a good day.
I can feel it.
Mm, Nadine,
this coffee is fantastic.
What is this, Irish coffee? Mm-hm. Yeah.
That was a dumb question.
Here we go.
And we are doing it.
OK. Yes, Clara's sleeping.
And let's get you guys strapped in.
Are you serious? Sean! Patrick!
Hey, what are you doing?
Hey, get back here!
Sean, Patrick, that's not fair!
I've got the baby. Hey!
Oh, shoot.
CLARA CRIES
Sorry, Clara.
Shoot, I meant.
Sorry.
Hey, don't worry.
There's a rusty barbed-wire fence on the far side of the field.
That usually stops them.
Oh, well, that's good, I think.
Yeah.
What are you doing up there?
Well, you see, actually, I'm trying to get up the courage to jump.
To jump? Yeah. What, like, for fun, you jumping out of trees?
No, no, I'm not trying to do anything really bad,
I just need a good sprain or maybe even a break.
Oh, you want to hurt yourself?
Well, like, that'd be, like, the worst-case scenario.
Like, a sprain is what I'm, like, aiming for, but...
Why don't you just tell your dad you don't want to play?
LIAM CHUCKLES Just... Just be honest with him.
Yeah, it's not really an option.
See, my dad's pretty wound up about this spat with Cormac. Oh, right.
All the Reilly men need to play.
And now that I'm 12, I'm apparently a man.
Although my lack of body hair and skinny arms would suggest otherwise.
Yeah. I feel you, on both counts. Yeah.
You just have to be honest with him, he's your dad.
He'll understand. He loves you. Yeah.
When I was a kid, I quit a million things.
I was the king of quitting. And my dad always came around.
All parents want is for their kids to be happy
so as long as you're honest with him, I promise you
he'll love you anyway. Yeah, I guess so.
But I'd rather you not tell him we had this conversation.
BOY SCREAMS
Oh, that would be the barbed wire.
Yeah. Yeah. Good luck.
You'll be great. Just be honest. Thank you. OK!
Ah! Sorry, Clara.
..first round's on you. What are you talking about?
Come on, girl.
Amazing!
Maeve. Maeve. You can't karaoke. Keep a low profile, OK?
Why are you dressed like Carmen Sandiego?
I don't need anyone knowing what we're up to. Oh, my God.
Well, now. I'll have to call your man who looks after the boiler,
cos I'm pretty sure this room just got hotter.
Oh, does that tired line actually work, Cormac?
What?
Caroline.
Hi. Hi, Cormac.
We're just going to go grab a seat at the bar.
Whatever yous want, yeah. It's on me.
I know what I want. Oh, Jesus, Maeve.
Hey. Hi.
Good to see you here. Yeah, this...
This is... Wow, this is the place
that's stealing my dad's business. You sound like your brother.
Did he send you down to spy on me?
Well, you mess with one Reilly, you mess with the whole family.
Yeah, well, the last thing I need is you creeping around,
freaking out the customers. Oh...
How about I just show you around?
Oh, yeah, yeah, that'd be great. Yeah? Thank you. Yeah.
It's fun. Day out with the boys, huh?
You know? It's going to be fun.
Why are we taking the bus?
Well, because Uncle Jack's not that comfortable driving a car
on these roads. So you're a bad driver?
No, no, I'm not a bad driver. I'm actually a really good driver.
It's just you guys drive on the wrong side of the road.
Where Uncle Jack's from, we're on the other side,
so it's a little disorienting. But, no, I like to drive.
So you're a chicken?
HE SQUAWKS
No, I'm not a chicken. No, I like to drive.
All right, that's funny. I'm not a chicken.
Here comes the bus, guys.
Are you also going to be afraid to take the bus as well, Jack?
No, I'm not. I'm a grown man. OK, you ready? Let's go. Here we go.
OK. Hello, sir. How are you?
Just for four. Four.
Great. Thank you so much. All right, come on.
Here we go. Yes. Just sit...
S...Sean.
What are you do...? Come on.
Come on. Got to get on the bus.
HE SIGHS
Sorry, sir. OK, that's good. You want to sit there?
If we took the car, I wouldn't have been out there.
If we took the car, we wouldn't be having so much fun on the bus.
The bus is fun, right? The bus is so fun. I hate the bus.
Cormac, this one's for you.
Thanks for the drink.
BOTH: # It was Christmas Eve, babe
# In the drunk tank!
# An old man said to me What did he say?
# Won't see another one It's sad, cos you'll be dead
# And then he sang a song... #
THEY MUMBLE AND LAUGH
This is amazing, though. The place is packed. Yeah.
No, it has been since we opened.
I can't believe people just abandoned my dad like that.
Clearly, Ballyogue was just ready for the change.
I mean, it's basic economics, isn't it?
You give the people what they want or...
..they leave you behind.
# This year's for me and you... # Please give it to me.
But what am I doing, lecturing Miss MBA about basic economics?
Been stalking me on Instagram, have you?
Maybe.
That, um, where you met your husband?
Jack? No, erm, no, no.
He was deejaying my boss's daughter's sweet 16.
Ah. Yeah.
He pulled me into the Cha-Cha Slide. It was very cool.
What about you? Nah, I'm more of a Macarena guy myself.
Oh, yeah.
THEY MUMBLE
I mean, are you married?
Yeah.
To this pub.
No, listen, I work me arse off to make this place what it is.
I love what I do. Why would I want to...
..mess with a good thing, you know? Yeah, exactly. Oh.
# The boys of the NY...the NY... #
Wow.
# And the bells were ringing out for Christmas Day... #
It's happening.
Yeah... Who says you have to have children anyway?
Children? Oh, I don't want to have children.
Everyone acts like it's some kind of rule. What if you weren't meant
to be a parent? What if you're not good at it?
Then you shouldn't do it.
Thank you! Wow, I should have married you.
I... Sorry, that was... I was joking. Obviously.
That was weird. I love my Jack, Jack, my...
My Jack is my husband, who I love.
Yeah, erm, Caroline?
It's your life.
Once you stop worrying about what everybody else is doing,
all that matters at the end of the day is what you want.
Like, we're not even 30 yet.
We will never get this time in our lives back.
Yeah. I'll drink to that.
Slainte. Cheers.
DRUNKEN SINGING CONTINUES
Hey, is there something wrong with it? I can get you...
No, it's really good. I just...
# NYPD choir were singing Galway Bay
# And the bells were ringing out for Christmas Day... #
SHE VOCALISES
Look at us, three gentlemen.
Three gentlemen enjoying a stroll. And a lady.
THEY GREET EACH OTHER
Whoa. OK.
Whoa, what's...what...? What are you doing? Wait, wait, wait. What?
Candy. Candy.
Oh, there's a candy shop. You want some candy? Yes. Yes.
Tell you what I'm going to do because we're all friends
and I'm a nice person,
friends help each other out, right? Yeah. Yeah. So I'm going to give you some money to purchase said candy.
And yet I'm also going to ask that you do me a favour in the future
when I need one. All right? OK. So there you go.
Friend one. Friend two.
Yes? All right. What do you say? Thank you. Thank you.
OK. Hold on, give me some slack! OK!
There you go. Now you're free and unfettered.
Knock yourselves out. Oh, animals.
SQUELCHING
HE SNIFFS
What the hell is that?
Oh! Oh, man!
Oh, Clara, that's truly... Oh!
I know! How do you think I feel?
I'm the one that has to smell it.
Oh! Smells like somebody shit directly into my nose.
But it's hard to be mad at you cos you're so cute.
I can't believe something so awful
could come out of something so adorable.
OK, well...here it is.
Moment of truth.
All right, let's do this.
VOMITING
TOILET FLUSHES
Since when did you become such a lightweight? I don't know.
I haven't been feeling great the past few days.
Maybe I caught something on the plane. Or maybe you're...
Maybe...?
No, Maeve. Stop. That's not funny. Don't even joke about that.
Don't. I'm just messing with you. I'm sure it's just a bug.
Will I get us a drink? Water? Yes.
OK, but next one, you're having a drink.
SHE COUGHS
Nope. Two of them. OK.
And here we do a little wipe.
HE GAGS AND LAUGHS
I'm going to throw up.
That is horrifying.
And what do we do with this?
Put it right there. Like a little poo burrito.
You're disgusting and cute,
but you're cuter than you're disgusting.
I know. All right, we get the new one.
New freshy.
Which way does this go?
This way. Who cares?
You don't care. As long as it's clean.
And then you can poop in it again.
OK.
Let's get you zipped up.
Yes.
OK.
Hey, we did it.
That wasn't so bad.
OK, you got your bag.
Let's get those two devil brothers of yours.
OK, guys, let's go.
Are you kidding me?
Little devils.
Hey. Hey. I see you. No, you stop.
Stay right there. Don't move. You wait right there, you traitors.
OK. Stop!
Hey! Hey! That's not fair!
Come back here! Stop!
You little traitors, we had a deal!
That's not fair, I can't run fast. Don't cross the street, please!
Shots in the middle of the day? Are you trying to get me drunk?
You're not making him try very hard. Caroline, where you off to?
I'm after making your favourite cocktail - shots.
Yeah. I forgot to get Jack a Christmas present.
What? Seriously?
You had one person to shop for and you forgot to shop for him!
I'm just going to run into the square and get something real quick.
No worries. Yeah, sure. We'll save it for later.
Er... What?
No, she's not feeling well anyway, so why waste good whiskey?
Are you finding everything OK? Yeah, yeah, yeah, got it right here.
I just came in... Just came in for some...lube.
Yeah. Can never have too much lube this time of year.
It's a stocking filler for my dad.
Not for my dad. For my sister.
You know,
have a laugh on Christmas morning and all that, you know?
Would you like a gift receipt with that purchase? Ah...
Oh, right. No, no, thank you. No, I'm good. Thanks.
Thank you very much.
That's ten euro, please. Thank you. Thank you.
Would you like a bag? Yes, I will. Thanks.
Caroline Reilly, is that you? Miss O'Flaherty!
Hi!
I didn't know you were coming in for Christmas.
Why would you know?
Sure I know everything that goes on in Ballyogue.
You know what they say, can't keep a secret from Colleen O'Flaherty.
They also say Colleen O'Flaherty can't keep a secret.
Ah, aren't I great?
So what are you buying there? Um, mostly gum.
Just... Yeah, just some gum to chew. Keeps my mouth busy.
You know? That's one way to stay out of trouble.
Oh, well, it was so nice to see you, Miss O'Flaherty.
I'll tell your mother I ran into you. Oh...please don't.
She always was a bit odd. Yeah.
That's not fair, I've got Clara! You little monsters.
Hey! Hey, hi.
Hi, honey. Hello. Hello.
What... What are you.... What are you doing here?
Uh...nothing. Yeah, how's it going with you guys? Good. Really good.
Yeah. Good. Really fun. We're having a good time. Wow.
Where are the boys? The boys are...
Oh, of course, they're...
Oh, there they are. Yeah, they're there.
Well, I'll see you later.
OK. Have a good day. We'll see you at the nativity. Great. OK, cool.
Get back here, you little shits!
Patrick! Come back here. Hey! Guys!
Oh, my God.
Sean! Get back here.
Sorry. Sorry. Where did they go, little Clara?
Patrick? Sean?
Oh, Clara, where are they?
Go.
No! No, no! Guys, stop it. Stop.
Stop. No. Hey, hey. No, no, no.
Get down. No. Sean! Hey, not you.
Sean, get off there. Patrick, get down. Get down.
Patrick. Get off there, I said. You stay there. Stay.
OK? You know what? OK, look, here. Play with my phone,
but no in-app purchases. And don't look at my photos.
Shit.
Oh, Clara, what do I do with you?
OK. Oh, God, I hate heights. OK.
OK.
OK, everyone into your places.
Yes, Sharon, you go there. And you here... Yeah, yeah.
Oh, Tracy. How are you? Lovely to see you.
They're beautiful.
If it isn't wee baby Clara.
What in heaven's name are you doing there?
Where is your mummy?
PIANO PLAYS
Sh. Sh.
I don't... I don't need the music. Thanks.
PIANO STOPS
No... No music...
# Deck the halls with boughs of holly
# Fla-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la... #
What is happening? I don't know.
# Tis the season to be jolly... #
No. No. No, no, no. Do not go anywhere. Come on,
we have to get to the nativity or Mum is going to kill us.
Maeve, come on, it's time to go. No, I don't want to go.
ALL TALK AT ONCE
Guys, I had a baby ten months ago, and I love her...
ALL TALK AT ONCE
Hi. Yeah, yeah, hey. Hey. OK, everybody, let's hear it for Maeve.
SOME APPLAUSE
Hey, Caroline. Good to see you, and I'll get you for that shot later.
Can I take it to go? No! Come on. Thank you. Thanks.
Er...
Next person to sing, er, gets a free shot!
Yeah! All right!
Sorry about that.
Why don't we find your mother? Where would she be?
Oh, lovely music, isn't it?
Let's go and find your mammy.
# Dashing through the snow
# In a one-horse open sleigh
# O'er the fields we go
# Laughing all the way
# Bells on bobtails ring... #
Hey, come on!
Get back here. Patrick.
Urgh!
Patrick. OK. Ha, ha. Let's go now.
No. Buddy, come on, let's go.
No. Patrick, come down now.
Faster. Now, time... Faster! Time to go now.
Patrick, I know you hear me.
Patrick, let's go.
Oh, Patrick, come on, now.
Uncle Jack doesn't like heights, now, Patrick. Come on, boy.
All right, I guess I'll just call your mom, then.
I'm going to call her. Here I go.
Calling your mom, dialling the numbers.
Fine. OK, great.
Now, let's go. Give me your hand.
Come on, buddy. N... Come on.
Patrick, I'm not messing around. Come on.
Patrick, no! Stop, stop, stop.
Hey. Hey.
Ho! Ho-kay.
Oh, man.
Stay right there, Patrick. Now, you come with me.
OK? No, no, no. Put your hands on there.
Uncle Jack's getting upset now. Come on.
Hold on to the thing. Patrick...
Stop! Stop!
Let's go now, please. That's not funny. Yeah, it is.
No more candy. Patrick! Stop!
IN THE HALL OF THE MOUNTAIN KING PLAYS
Patrick! No, Patrick, stop!
Patrick.
Patrick! Get over here! Get over here!
# Good tidings we bring... #
Hey, Patrick, don't do that.
Please, no. Not on there. Patrick, get off there.
SINGING DROWNED OUT BY IN THE HALL OF THE MOUNTAIN KING
Patrick! Patrick, this is going to break. It's going to break.
I'm not kidding you. Please. Patrick. Stop. No.
SINGING DROWNED OUT BY IN THE HALL OF THE MOUNTAIN KING
Please stop jumping. Please, stop!
Patrick, stop jumping, it's going to fall down. Please.
I don't want to die. Patrick. Please.
It's going to fall down. We're both going to die.
Gotcha.
Oh! Get over here!
OK.
OK! OK!
Getting down now.
Time to go down. OK.
Come here. All right.
Here. Now, stay!
OK? That was so uncool.
Both of you.
Now, let's go. Put your pants on. We got to get to this nativity.
Santa. What are you talking about? Where are they?
Oh, shit. Where's Clara?
I don't know.
You stop it.
Stop it. You stop it.
Oh, please.
Yes! Let's go.
Hey! Hey! Hey!
Hi. I like your...your dog.
Ow! Urgh!
Clara? Clara?
Hey! Come on. Come on.
She was with Santa Claus. Oh!
Hi, everyone.
Jack, what was Miss O'Flaherty doing with Clara?
Oh, it's a funny story. I, um...
What is it? Come here, come here, come here. I'll tell you later.
What? What's going on?
What's happening?
I don't want to play football.
It was... I'm not good at it. It's not fun.
I don't want to play tomorrow.
Do you have any idea how much is riding on this match?
Come here.
Mum, Patrick was on the roof. What?
On... Jack, is that all candy?
Um...that is all candy. Uncle Jack said you'd be cool with it.
Oh, so this is Uncle Jack's idea? Oh, shit. What is?
You told my son he could quit the team?
No, I didn't exactly say that. How could you do this to my child?
Well, the boys had gone onto the roof, and I, um...
Jack, what? Don't lie, tell the truth.
Well, I had... Well... Jack, what was Patrick doing on the roof?
I don't know exactly. Jack... Would everyone stop yelling?
You're making baby Jesus cry!
Just get changed. Just go and get changed.
Just get dressed. Just...
We're going to laugh about this... Just come back...
OK, I'm sorry. Sorry, everyone.
Sorry, guys. But you look great, everyone.
No, no, no. The baby stuff is here.
The baby stuff is... I've got it. OK. And everything's there.
I didn't lose anything. Everything's fine. OK.
There's a happy ending. That's just nice.
Kind of like the nativity story. OK...
Jack. I know. I know. Today was a total disaster.
What? I'm so sorry. No, no, that's...
That's not what I was going to say. I just screwed it all up.
It couldn't have gone worse. I-I...had no idea
kids were so tough.
It was one day. Yeah. One day that I completely ruined.
One day that made your whole family hate me.
No, they'll get over it. I don't know if I will, though.
Jack... Listen, I've changed my mind about kids.
Right. You have?
You were right. You were so right.
I am not ready for that kind of responsibility.
I know that now. I just...
I just want to go back to being the fun uncle. Fun Uncle Jack.
I can do that.
I'm so sorry I didn't listen to you in the first place.
God, you're always right.
And I'm so sorry that I put your family through that.
I promise I'm going to make it up to them. I'm going to
properly apologise tomorrow.
I just... I love you so much.
I should always just listen to you. SPRINGS CREAK LOUDLY
SPRINGS CREAK AGAIN
Give it a rest, you two!
Wakey-wakey, Jacky boy.
Hey, what's up? I'm really sorry,
I meant to apologise to all of you individually.
I was going to do a formal apology, but I overslept.
It's the stupid jet lag, you know?
You brought this on yourself, Jack. Oh, come on, Aiden.
Malcolm, listen. Guys... Hey, I'm married to your sister.
You know, I mean, we're family, and it was a simple mistake.
I can explain it to you. It was actually really funny.
It was like a real comedy of errors. I don't see anybody laughing,
do you? Jack, you've left us no choice. Malcolm...
OK, go ahead. Go for it, quickly. You're right. Hit me. Go, go, go.
I deserve it. You're right. Go ahead.
But hold on, hold on, hold on. Wait.
OK, go. Go. Hit you? Quickly, please. What are you on about?
Isn't that why you dragged me out here? You wanted to rough me up?
No. You convinced Liam to quit the team, and now we're a man down.
Oh. We can't let Cormac's team win.
Oh. Oh, you want me to play on your team?
Your football team? We don't exactly want you to,
but we're screwed if you don't.
Huh! Oh, that's-that's... I'm really flattered, Malcolm.
Thank you. Um... I'm also really relieved.
I thought you were going to kill me. Um...
The problem is, you know, I don't really know the rules.
And I'm not much of an athlete, to be honest. So I think you could...
Come on. Got four hours to whip you into shape.
Well... Rough him up?
What's he think, we're the Mafia?
HE CHUCKLES
WOMAN HUMS
Where is everybody? Out and about.
SHE HUMS
This is Christmas to me.
It's so nice having you here.
It's been such a while. Yeah, I know. It's just...
We've been... It's been so crazy, so...
Caroline, I'm not saying it to make you feel guilty.
I'm saying it because I missed you. And I'm happy that you're here.
Can't believe you've gone this long.
What do you mean?
Well, we've been here three days, and you haven't mentioned kids once.
Oh, I figured it was none of my business.
Who even are you right now? Ever since the first of us got engaged,
it was all you could talk about.
For the record, when Aiden got engaged,
Siobhan was already three months pregnant. Didn't need a crystal ball
to know that marriage wasn't going to work out.
But you were all over Pauline and Maeve, too.
They came home straight after university
and they married local lads, so it seemed the next logical step.
But you...
You've always done things your own way.
Would it make you feel better if I pestered you?
Not really, no.
Here. Give this pudding a stir.
Listen.
Just because having children was right for your brother and sisters
doesn't mean it's right for you.
Mum, how did you know you were ready?
I didn't.
But your dad had just taken over the pub from his father,
and we had family in town, so it seemed like it might be OK.
And it was.
Maybe that's what I should have done.
Stayed in Ballyogue. At least I would've been close to family.
I could have taken over the pub. Oh! Oh, please.
Your dad knows none of you have any interest in the pub.
That's why he's selling it.
What? Caroline!
He's... He's selling it?
Yeah. Did you not talk to him?
Not about that.
I don't know why you kids are all suddenly so upset about it.
You never showed any interest in the pub,
and now you're all trying to save it.
I swear, between you and your brother's crazy bet...
What bet?
Today's football match.
The loser has to close the pub.
All the Christmas Eve business goes to the winner.
It was Aiden's crazy idea to get people back to Reilly's.
But then what?
Who's going to run it?
Where's Jack? Just stick to the left. When you get the ball,
pass to Malcolm on the right. Right. If you wind up on the right,
just get the ball to Fin on the left. Right. No, left. Huh?
And if you find you're in the centre, pass the ball to Aiden,
who passes to the right or to the left. Right. Or left, either one.
Oh, OK. And how do I score again?
Don't worry, you're not going to score. Oh, good. OK.
So what do we do? Hands in the middle? OK, let's go.
OK. Oh, boy.
Jack. Thank God you're here. Listen, you got to get me out of this. This is crazy.
I know I owe these guys one, and I've messed up so badly,
but you got to... You got to get me out of this. You got to talk to Aiden. I can't do that.
What? Why? He's right there. You don't understand. I'm not an athlete. You know this.
They've been running me up and down this field for four hours telling me things I don't understand.
This is literally my nightmare. Please, I'm begging you.
I know, but my family's counting on you. So you have to do this even though it's not fun. Please.
I know, but you can do it. Jack!
You can. Oh, my God. Seriously, you can do this.
Jack! Yep. Get your ass in here. OK, just...one second. Please.
You got this. Oh, man. Go.
Get your ass out here. OK!
OK.
Sorry, sorry. It's OK, he's going to throw it in.
OK. All right. He just throws it? Yeah. Wow, Liam,
you're really filling out. I'm not Liam.
I'm an adult. My name's Jack. I'm Cormac.
Oh, you're Cormac from Cormac's? Yeah. The ex-boyfriend.
Oh, yes. I've heard of you, I think. I'm the current husband, so...
OK, lads. You were both with me sister. Yeah, that's right.
OK, yeah. OK. OK, let's do it. OK, yeah, that's right. OK.
All right.
I'm sorry.
Here we go. Right. Yes! Yes!
Oh, man, handsome and fast. Jesus.
Jack, on the move! OK, Sorry. Sorry. Come on! OK, yup, OK.
INDISTINCT SHOUTING
WHISTLE PEEPS
OK, lads, come on. Here we go, boys. Was that...?
Was that them? Was that us? Jack. Yeah? Let's go.
Us? No, for them. Oh, they did?
Yes, Malcolm...
Hey, Aiden, Aiden. I got it, I got it. Throw it... Throw me the rock.
Aiden. Aiden.
Stick it!
WHISTLE PEEPS
INDISTINCT CHATTER
Whoo.
Yes! Yes, I got it!
Yes, Jack.
Yes. Yes. Oh, my God, I'm doing it. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. Jack.
That donkey's running the wrong way.
Yes!
Yes! I'm so sorry. Oh...
I... I thought... I-I...
That's-that's... I'm sorry. I thought...
Did you say that was the goal, or...?
Jack. No, no, no, no, no, no.
Yes, Jack. Yes.
Oh, sorry.
What are you doing? He called for it. I'm sorry. I got confused. That's my fault. Oh, this is bad.
Go on, Jack. Yes, Jack. Yes, Jack!
Oh!
WHISTLE PEEPS
JACK COUGHS
It's OK.
Walk it off. Oh, yeah, great. Did I get it? Nearly. OK.
But it was the right goal.
Oh, yes. Yes. Yes.
WHISTLE PEEPS
It's a bloody disaster.
It's like he's never where you need him to be.
Yet he's somehow always in the way.
HE MOUTHS
HE SIGHS
HE PANTS
Hi, Uncle Jack.
Oh, hey, hey.
Oh, man. It's brutal out there.
It's not awful. Really, you think?
No, it is. Yeah.
Oh, man. I'm getting killed.
Just hang out by the mid lines. As soon as the ball crosses it,
run like the devil for the goal
and don't be afraid to throw a few elbows. Run like the devil. OK.
That's what I'd do if I were you. Oh, yeah. OK.
Throw a few elbows. Thanks.
You'll be grand. OK? You've got this. Ah! OK.
Thanks.
OK.
Just remember, this half, we're shooting that way.
Yeah. OK.
You ready? Oh, I'm ready.
WHISTLE PEEPS
Oh. Oh, God, Jack.
I'm sure he's fine.
Cormac barely nudged him. That was a cracking good hit!
I think I heard Jack's brain slap in the back of his skull.
Good one.
Or maybe it was, like, a different sound that I heard.
Like, not Jack's brain slapping anything.
Probably.
Jack.
Hey, guys.
Sorry.
It's OK. You OK? Yeah.
Come on.
You all right? Yeah. Come on, Jack! Come on!
That's it! Woohoo!
Oh, that's nice.
I should have done that sooner.
Yeah, I'm so sorry. I don't think I can keep playing.
It's all right, Jackie. Just have to soldier on without you.
Yeah. Well, you're not going to keep playing with a man down, are you?
What am I supposed to do? You're hurt.
Liam doesn't want to play. Right. What about Saoirse?
What about what? Your daughter.
Oh, Saoirse. Yeah, yeah. She's...
She's crazy about this game. She knows it better than anyone.
I know she'd be dying to play.
Jack...this is...
This is a boy's game.
Yeah. It's dangerous.
Come on. Come on. Come on.
What's happening? I don't know.
She's a beast. She's definitely tougher than I am.
I know that's not saying anything, but...
You reckon? Aiden! Come on!
Hey, Saoirse.
Think you can help us out?
Really?
Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. You should go. Go on. Go for it.
Come on.
Get your kit off. My what? Your kit, get it off.
Oh, my clothes. Yeah. Yeah, I guess we're about the same size.
Yeah, roughly. OK. Uh...
Do you...? You want me to...? Would you mind...?
Actually, if you just pulled that. It's really tight.
Oh, my God. Yeah. Have you glued this on? OK. Jesus.
INDISTINCT CHATTER
You see that? You see that?
WHISTLE PEEPS
Yes!
WHISTLE PEEPS
Oh! Yes!
Come on, boys, reset.
Yes! Ow! Yes! Great!
WHISTLE PEEPS
All right! Guys, come on!
CROWD: Reilly's! Reilly's! Reilly's! Reilly's! Reilly's!
Oh, shit.
Shit.
I've got it!
Ha! Yes!
Go on, Saoirse.
Yes! Ha-ha!
WHISTLE PEEPS
Yeah, Saoirse!
They did it! Go on, Reilly's!
Whoo!
Yes, guys.
That's my girl.
You were amazing.
Christmas Eve at Reilly's pub - just the way God intended it.
Cormac's buying the first round. Don't know about that.
No, come here. Fair play to you, you're a serious player.
Don't know why your dad didn't put you in from the start.
Neither do I. Yeah, well, I won't be making that mistake again.
Well done. Fair play, Aiden. Thanks, Cormac.
Enjoying working this Christmas now. I'll get you a pint, so.
So good. Yes.
Nope. Just kidding.
Oh, there she is!
Ah! Oh! Thank you.
You were gr... Ow!
I got injured.
Uncle Jack, you're the worst actor I've ever seen.
Come here, you star player. Thank you.
You did such a good job!
Wow! You were amazing!
That was very cool. She did the cool thing.
I just got in the way of your athletic ex-boyfriend.
Oh, no, you... You killed it out there.
I almost got killed out there is what happened.
But I'm just actually glad her father no longer wants to murder me.
That's... That's the coolest part. The other ladies,
I still have to figure out how to make it right with them.
Don't worry. You'll have time to make it up to them. I don't know.
Clock's ticking. Leaving in a couple of days. Yes, we are.
Yes. But what if we didn't?
You want to stay longer?
Yeah, all right. I could do that.
Like.... Yeah, I mean, we could maybe stay for, like, a bit longer
than a couple of days. Like, maybe we... OK.
I mean, what do you think of moving here?
What? A permanent move? Are you kidding?
I'm being serious, Jack.
Yeah, I mean... What are you talking about?
I mean, OK, just hear me out. Right? I was thinking about the pub.
I was talking to my mum, and-and
maybe we could buy it and I could run it. And you could...
You could DJ there. We could get a house in town...
I don't know, I... I can't tell if you're joking.
Are you serious? No, I'm being serious.
You seem so happy here. And, you know, you said you wanted kids.
We could... What? Wait a minute. We...
Hold on. We just talked about this. You're...
We're not having kids, I thought. You don't want kids, right?
You didn't want kids then I got on board.
I mean... I know. It's a major thing. I know. But, Jack, I...
I changed my mind. I think... I think you'd be amazing.
Of course I want to have a family with you.
You'd be an incredible dad. And what you did with Saoirse, that was...
That was amazing.
What about the two kids I almost killed or the one I lost?
I mean, that's... It's like I'm, like, one in three now.
That's not a great average. I'm sorry,
I'm just having a hard time making the pivot to this new whim of yours.
O...K, it's not really a whim, Jack.
I'm trying to make a very big decision here about our lives.
Oh, thanks a lot for making a decision for US.
You know, I feel like I should be a part of that, no?
Jack, I really thought this might be a way to solve our problems.
This was meant to be for us. I thought it would help. Well, you know, I didn't know
we had so many problems. In fact, we didn't really have pr...
Whoa, whoa, guys, wait. Give me one...
Guys, wait. Give me one second.
Ah... We have a surprise for you, come on.
OK, well, I'll... We'll talk later. OK.
Lads, I'm sorry, but...
..I'm going to have to ask you to finish up.
THEY LAUGH
I'm serious. I'm closing. Let's go.
But we come here every Christmas Eve. And every other Eve.
Yeah. Sorry, we're closed, lads. It's tradition.
Well, just this once,
maybe you'll do me a favour, huh? Happy Christmas.
Thanks.
Happy Christmas.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.
We won! We won! We what? We won.
What? You're kidding. It was amazing. We... We won?
Oh, good. Another tree.
That's good. OK.
How are you?
We won! Yes. Yes, you did.
INDISTINCT CHATTER
Guinness. Yeah.
Go over and have a word with her.
Caroline.
I hope you don't mind me saying this, but, uh, you seem a bit low.
Yeah. Jack and I are in a really weird place.
I thought he'd love the idea of moving to Ballyogue and buying the pub.
What in the world made you think I would sell you this pub?
What? Well, Mum said you were selling it.
I am, but not to you.
Why not?
Dad, I could run this place. I could.
I'm an executive director at a Fortune 500 company.
Which is why I'm not going to sell you the pub.
So what? You're just going to let it die? This place is your life.
Exactly. It's my life, and I couldn't picture it any other way.
When Cormac's opened and people started going there,
I didn't plan for this, I didn't expect it,
but for the first time in about 40 years...
..a whole new chapter began to open up.
And I have to say it was...very exciting.
But Ballyogue isn't Ballyogue without Reilly's.
It's going to change everything. Well,
change doesn't mean that it's for the worse.
Besides, you won't be doing it on your own.
Jack will be very good with the baby. You make a great team.
How do you know about that?
I'm your dad. I know everything.
Also, Colleen O'Flaherty came in for a drink.
And said you were shoplifting a pregnancy test.
Yeah.
I'm...scared.
Well...
Well, look, you won't feel any less scared if you move here,
but you will feel less happy.
Now, look, Caroline, you're the bravest of all of us.
No, no, listen to me.
Don't let fear stop you in your tracks.
OK?
I need to go find Jack, don't I? Yeah. OK.
You can't just drop that kind of information on somebody, you know.
It's the kind of decision you have to make together.
Am I crazy?
As someone who has also had, like, most of his decisions made for him,
yeah, I can really see how that would be frustrating.
Yeah. You get it. Yeah. It is frustrating. Yeah.
The truth is, I don't know that I don't want to move here.
You don't want to move here.
Be fun to hang out with you. It's beautiful. I guess.
But I guess what freaks me out is that Caroline and I have always
been on the same page, you know, we...
We kind of see the world similarly. So we've never really had conflict.
We even like the same music, the same food.
Sexually, we're very compatible. OK, man, please, don't. Stop saying any more. Oh, right, sorry. Sorry.
Sometimes I forget that you're a kid.
Sometimes I forget you're an adult. Wow. Thanks. I guess the point is,
it's the first time that we feel really out of sync.
We've got this problem that we can't solve.
So then I start thinking, well, maybe we'll just never be able to fix it, you know? Uncle Jack.
I'm going to give you some advice that a wise man gave me
when I was having some trouble with my dad.
Just talk to her, you know? Tell her what YOU want.
I don't know what I want.
All I know is that none of this really matters without her.
That sounds good. You know, why don't you just tell her that?
What? Exactly that, what you just said. Tell her that.
Liam...dude...
You're a little genius.
Yes! Thank you.
Thanks, buddy. No problem. OK.
OK.
Ah! OK!
OK.
Not again!
Jack?
Where's Jack? Oh, um...
I think he went down to the pub looking for you.
Sorry. Sorry. Where's Caroline?
Well, she went up to the house to look for you.
What are you still doing in your PJs? Um...
I'll tell you later. Thanks.
Oh, shit!
Oh, he's there.
Jack.
HORN TOOTS
Move.
Jack!
Hey. Hi. Oh, my God. Hi. Oh, my God, are you OK? Oh, God, yes, I'm good.
I'm so good. Listen. Are you sure? Listen. Yes. I'm so glad I saw you.
I want to say something to you. Wait, I need to talk to you.
No, no, no, no, no. Let me go first. Please, please, please.
Caroline, I don't care where we are.
Ireland, Chicago, kids, no kids.
I just want to be with you, OK? You're all I want.
Jack, I'm pregnant.
You're what?
Yeah. And... And I want to say in Chicago.
You do? Hold on. I'm confused. I know. I know. Me too.
And I'm scared. But just because things change doesn't mean
it has to be bad, right? No, it's going to be the best.
Yeah. It is. It's going to be great. I mean, it's not going to be great all the time, I'm sure.
And I'm scared, too, you know? I am. But we'll be scared together.
I promise. OK. Deal. Deal.
Oh, Jesus! Oh, my God. Christ.
Sorry. Are you OK? Are you OK? Yeah.
Sorry, everyone. Sorry. That's my fault. My fault.
Hey, we're having a kid, though. We're having a baby.
And when my great-grandfather opened this pub, he dreamed
that it would be a place for every man, woman and child in Ballyogue
to come here and feel part of a family.
And for over 100 years, that's what it was.
But tonight,
on this, the last
Christmas Eve in Reilly's,
I've come to understand something.
And that is that
family is not a place.
It's a feeling.
It's a feeling that we all carry around inside us.
No matter where we are.
And I want to say it to everybody in this room.
That you've all been my family.
And you always will be.
To you, Caroline, and you, Jack...
..may peace and plenty be the first to raise the latch on your door.
And may the spirit of happiness be guided to your home
by the light of Christmas.
Slainte. ALL: Slainte.
Cilantro. Nollaig shona dhuit...
CHEERING
Yes! Really? Oh, my God, that's it. Yes! Yes!
Thank you. Oh, thanks. Yeah.
It was nothing. I was really overthinking it.
Wow. That feels so good. It just came out.
Do it again. I-I already got it.
You're having a baby.
You are going to absolutely love being a mother!
Thanks. Oh, hey.
So, I guess you're not totally shite at football after all.
What do you mean? You managed to slip one in past the goalie.
Oh!
That's funny.
That's a little gross, cos it's your sister. But that's funny.
This is so exciting. And after the baby's born,
we could come and spend a few weeks with you. A few weeks?
I'll be retired. A few months, more like it!
We can have Christmas in Chicago.
Yes. Isn't that wonderful? I really wish I could have a drink right now.
I know. We'll figure it out.
So I, er,
want to apologise for the whole making you play football thing.
Dad, it's... It's fine, really.
You were just projecting your own fears of failure
as a father and a husband and a son
onto me.
Watch yourself, boy. No, listen, it's...
I may not be any good at Gaelic football, but I think
I have a future as a marriage and family therapist.
Are you completely mental?
Dad...it's time we had a talk about your communication skills.
Have you ever heard of love language?
It'll be fine. OK.
# Are you hanging up your stocking on your wall?
# It's the time that every Santa has to call
# Does he ride a red-nosed reindeer?
# Does a ton-up on his sleigh
ALL: # Do the fairies keep him sober for a day?
# So here it is
# Merry Christmas
# Everybody's having fun
# Look to the future now
# It's only just begun... #
One more time. Really?
# So here it is
# Merry Christmas
# Everybody's having fun
# Look to the future now
# It's only just begun
# Are you waiting for the family to arrive?
# Are you sure... #
Just wake him up already.
It's Christmas morning, for crying out loud.
I want to open presents. Give him a break.
He was drinking for two last night.
I have just the thing.
Merry Christmas, Patrick.
Oh!
# Tis the season
# You can feel it in the air
# There is a reason
# It's a time beyond compare
# Presents all around the tree
# But that's not all I see
# Warm by the fireside
# A picture-perfect holiday now
# The falling snow and mistletoe
# The magic of Christmas
# Lights on the tree
# You're next to me
# The magic of
# The magic of Christmas. #