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You ready?
Uh-huh, I think I've got it all.
Are you sure? Got your plane ticket?
Patryk, I'm going to accept an award,
not see the guy who cheated on me.
No, I know.
Can't they just mail you the award?
It's… It's just really cool, seeing all your dreams come true.
I know people are talking.
Well, who cares? Let them talk. Gossip is all they do in Podhale.
Just ignore them.
I'll make sure to call you every day.
Wow, really? It's a different time zone.
To me, it makes no difference.
Well… Got your return ticket?
How many times must I say it? He won't show up.
-Are you sure? -Bob? Give it a rest.
Well, you've got the ticket right there. Why don't you just make sure?
-Can we get going? -You're the one that's stalling!
America isn't that far away! I mean, it's only three days. I don't understand.
Three days?
It's a week, Patryk. I'm only gone for a week. You'll survive.
THE TAMING OF THE SHREWD 2
OR MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING
COUPLES' SLEIGH RACE
Congratulations, gentlemen.
Second place is not bad at all.
Even third place makes it to the podium. You guys are lucky, though.
You won't stand a chance against my Golden Arrow.
-Where would that arrow of yours be? -In the repair shop.
In two weeks' time, you'll finally get a chance to meet the true champion.
-And who's that? -Me, of course! The new gazda.
You're not much of a gazda without a woman.
You're funny. Very, very funny.
Come on, come on. This man is delusional.
-So? -Ah, don't worry.
They're good, but honestly, they're all going down.
Next time, I'll be champion.
Hell yeah!
Patryk, you know that you…
You can always count on me.
I know, Franek.
Always.
I swear!
-Franek's coming. -And where are they?
-They're coming! -Of course they are.
-Hey! -Hey!
Look at him, driving that sleigh like a true gazda! Yeah!
Oh, yeah. I don't know if I'd go that far, to be fair.
Wait. You're saying my Franek can't drive?
Well, he'll never win if that's how he's gonna be holding the reins.
If he's gonna be driving the sleigh like that to the baptism,
we'll need to bring in a coachman from Morskie Oko. No doubt about it.
There's still time.
Will you reconsider it?
Save yourself and us from the shame. You don't want to cancel the baptism.
I told you it's gonna be Kasia and Patryk. Accept it!
-Come here. -No, keep your distance.
-Come here! -Keep your distance.
-Over here, my friend. -No, no, no, I said keep your distance.
-Come on, Patryk. -No, no. No. No. No, no, no.
-Don't cry. Don't cry. -I'm begging you, get off!
Really. Just let me go! You'll poke my eye out. I don't like this.
It's starting now, huh?
What do you mean, it's starting?
I mean, look. It seems like people are starting to talk.
-Stop! I don't need this. -Have you heard anyone talking?
No, no, no.
Hi. Uh, praise the Lord.
-Praise the Lord. -Praise the Lord.
-All right, seriously-- -You'll find another woman!
Hey! Go away! All right, I'm leaving. Let me go!
Well…
What's up with that baptism? Huh?
I don't know. What's up with it?
Um, I've heard that, uh, it was getting canceled, no?
Well, so is it still happening then, or is it not?
Uh, yeah. Yeah, why wouldn't it? Baptism is still happening.
Well, I don't usually follow gossip like this,
but they say Kasia went to America to get back together with that Bob guy.
Yeah, well.
Oh, I get it now. You are canceling it.
You know what? You were supposed to keep your mouth shut.
Have you talked? Have you?
-Whoa, what do you mean? -Who else? You did talk!
-It was you! -I talked?
Well, you've been yapping your head off! Everybody could hear you.
-Whose shack is that? -Grandpa Jasiek’s!
In the '70s, he used this place to stash clothes and other goods
all the way from Austria.
Ah, a hustler's hideout. Great.
Oh, no, no, no. A smuggler's!
He then worked at NASA where he developed a ground-breaking system for shuttles.
He figured out how to fly using only two wires rather than three.
After that, his pension was killer.
A killer pension, huh?
I've seen a couple of estimates for my pension.
It might just be the thing to kill me.
Therefore, we need our own side hustle.
This place is perfect.
Not anymore.
-A bear came through. -What bear? They're hibernating.
Uh, I guess it woke up.
Nah, it must've been a groundhog. Don't freak out.
Grab those boxes.
Um, does Maryla know about your new storehouse?
She personally asked me to find it.
What's wrong with the old one?
This is priceless cargo that wouldn't have been safe in the old storehouse.
A Goral, plus a carnival, plus Litworówka.
-Get it? -Mm, no.
Mm, yes
At home, would you let your newborn baby anywhere near a matchbook?
-Well, no. -See? Grab it.
Hey, hey!
-It's starting. -What are you talking about?
Wacuś, pick up!
There's no point in calling. This morning he took a customer cross-country skiing.
Hmm. Customer, huh? I know the type.
Leave any of you alone for a moment and your pants go flying.
I'll find the weasel.
Did Kasia call you?
She texted me as soon as the plane touched down.
-That's it? -Yup.
-That's enough. -So it's starting.
What? What's starting? She's busy.
Oh, no kidding.
Yeah. Numerous meetings, receiving the award.
Uh-huh, uh-huh. She couldn't come up with a better alibi?
-What happens if she slips up? -She won't slip up.
America is another universe. All the women lose their marbles.
But don't worry, dear brother. If she doesn't call, you do it.
Oh, leave me alone, man!
Be careful. Don't be an idiot. Call!
Now, that is beautiful!
-When's it ready? -It'll be ready when it's ready.
Ah.
-Too bad it won't run. -What do you mean it won't run?
It'll run in the couples' sleigh race.
Uh, could you do me a favor and, uh, tune up the sleigh before the race, huh?
Listen,
for private use, maybe I could,
but for the couples' race? Illegal.
Hmm.
Easy-peasy!
Are you selling your sleigh?
'Cause if you are, then I'd buy it from you.
Seems to me like she's not gonna call.
That's what I've heard.
-No idea what you're talking about. -They're all the same.
Promises on promises…
So, how much for it, huh?
-Huh? -When's it ready?
It'll be ready when it's ready.
Yeah. Got it?
I got you.
I feel bad for the guy.
Hasn't been a year and she's already made him a cuckold, huh?
Hello, Patryk. Is there something wrong?
Not at all.
Except that I spend my days sitting at home,
missing you so bad, stuffing my face with chips,
binge-watching all the 365 Days movies to see if she comes back to him or not.
She will.
-You've watched it? -I just know babe. Hey, listen to me.
It's 5:00 in the morning.
Oh, I'm… I'm sorry, I forgot. Mm. Ah…
Well, it's just you haven't called me, so I thought that… that--
That you'd check up on me?
But you trust me.
Um, well… Well, I do.
O-of course. You know that I trust you.
Hey, gazda,
shouldn't you be at work right about now?
And I should be sleeping.
Because they invited me on a real TV show, so I have to get some rest.
Knock 'em dead, honey.
I have to go. Bye. Bye!
Infant.
And right, and left, and right.
And together now. Together.
Just a little warm-up before the White Bear Ball.
And again. Yay! And right. And right. And again. Good job. Just like that.
I'm waiting for you.
Again, again. And push, and push.
Hurry, hurry.
Please excuse me, Monica. I've got to talk to my colleague.
Do you have to act like that? Where are your manners? My goodness.
Is shaking your ass, for tourist girls considered proper manners?
Hey, I always try to face the customer.
That's a little hard to do when you're dressed like that!
There's an issue with the baptism.
Didn't I tell you? That sister of yours is just like a live grenade.
-It's Patryk! -What's the problem, huh?
-He needs supervision. -Why?
Women are flocking to him. They sense he's free, and he hasn't called her.
And why would he call her?
I'm worried he'll go crazy all over again.
Of course he'll go crazy.
He's an outsider. He put on our clothes, but he sure doesn't have Goral honor.
Whoa, hold it! That's my brother-in-law.
Will you help me out?
Can this wait for a bit?
I have to finish the course and after that I am at your disposal.
Forgive us, miss. I won't hold my friend any longer.
Thank you for your understanding.
Those are manners.
Monica, come here, please.
We're just gonna head that way.
-Bye. See ya. -Okay.
-Bye. -Okay right, and now left.
One and two, and one.
And one, and two.
Come on, faster!
Give me a kiss!
Stilo is officially completed.
But you said it was gonna be more extreme.
Hey, I mean, at least it wasn't a 30-meter wave, huh?
-Actually, Wera-- -I know, I know, I know.
First your ski tour in the mountains, and then we go to Portugal.
We can skip the mountains.
-All right, let's go. -Wait!
No. First, a little surprise.
I hate surprises.
-You'll like this one. Come on! Let's go. -All right.
Okay.
-Uh-huh. -Uh-huh.
I'm not really liking this, Kacper.
Oh?
Wanna race? Huh?
-Okay! -Oh, you!
I win!
Oh wow. How?
Hmm?
-So? You like? -No.
-For real? -I'm kidding.
Wera, just don't laugh, this is a big question.
Okay, you almost got me there.
I've never been… No, no, no, I've never been more serious.
-Kacper… -Will you marry me?
Are you kidding me?
Seriously?
Hmm?
Yes.
I think we should do it our way.
Just the two of us and some sad little clerk who doesn't speak the same language.
Somewhere on the road.
Maybe in Portugal? Huh?
Yeah, we'll see.
We'll see?
Huh? We're going, right?
Nazaré, our dream.
The biggest wave in the world. When is that again? In February.
Next year.
You're kidding.
Oh no, Kacper, you took it.
Hey, that job was a pretty big deal. It's a huge opportunity.
For us?
Kacper, for us?
Unbelievable.
So, what am I supposed to do then?
Sit in that scrap of rusty metal down there and twiddle my thumbs, huh?
-Wera, listen to me. -No, Kacper.
-No. -Hey, but just wait!
-Wera! Wera! -Leave me alone!
Screw you!
Wera! Hey!
-What is happening? -Come here.
Come here, please. You ruined everything. Everything!
Super!
Tell me something. Wouldn't it be nicer to have a photo with the real thing?
Could we request the original outfit?
The original outfit is only for the bonfire.
-We still have room. Please join us. -Um, does it include a kidnapping?
Come now.
Would you ask a Goral how often it snows?
-No. -Yes.
Come inside.
-Take notes! -Okay.
Beautiful weather we're having, huh?
Hey!
Uh, here you go, ladies, my compliments.
A glass of our local Litworówka.
So you can start the day.
-Oh, thanks so much. -Thank you.
What brings you ladies to our beautiful region?
Field research for an academic paper.
We're researchers.
I'm a PhD student, Pola, and this is my assistant, Jola.
Jola, Pola, Po-Pola Jol… Patryk.
-Mm. -Oh.
Jola, be a dear and add a subsection to our paper
titled Psycho-bio-cultural Tradition of Drinking.
What paper, sorry?
Carnival Traditions and Group Customs in Podhale.
For the entire population. Locals, tourists. Men too.
Mm, men are considered their own subset?
No offense, but that's biology for you, right?
-Hello? -Uh, one moment.
So I saw you are a traveler. Am I right? Sahara?
Oh, right. Coast to coast.
-Alone. -Wow, on your own? The whole thing?
-From sea to shining sea. -Jola, please, don't get excited.
-Hmm? -How long did it take you?
Uh, two or three months, I'd say.
Uh-huh? You must have crawled.
I crossed it too.
-On a bike or… -In an RV.
Classic alpha-meets-alpha mirroring phenomenon.
I need a good car shop. Can you recommend someone?
Why recommend one?
When you're talking to a pro. I'm the best mechanic in the region.
Showing his feathers like a peacock.
-I think I'll look for someone else. -Well, best of luck.
You as well.
Better luck with your next Sahara trip.
Hmm. Manipulation and misdirection of the male,
but don't worry, this is all just a setup for her return.
Huh. Man, never mind.
-Hmm. Did you make a note, Jola? -"Not coming back." Yes.
You know, normally, if it was warm, we'd take this bad boy out for a spin,
but you know what?
I actually think you ladies should come to the White Bear Ball.
There will be a lot of research material there, I promise. Live.
-Mm. -Mm.
-Did you make a note of that? -Yes.
Hey, Franek!
-Special delivery. -Great!
That's great.
You know, my dear, I've gotta admit,
you've really done a perfect job with all of it.
-Thanks so much. -It's so nice to see.
-Wait, we only needed one box? -Yeah, just one.
The others magically disappeared from the storehouse.
-Which one? -What are you talking about "which one"?
I've only got one storehouse.
-Ah. -Hey, bears, bears!
How old are you? Are you old enough to drink?
Show me some ID. Get out of here. Scram!
-So they disappeared, huh? -Are you actually asking me?
You'd better ask Włodek.
He told me that some devils took the Litworówka right out of the storehouse,
but I don't believe him.
I think he's up to something.
That big city reptile.
He thinks I'm not gonna find out. That moron. But I will find out.
And when I do, he'll be begging on his knees for forgiveness.
Well, then I'll take this and move it over here.
-Hey, sonny, come here, we've gotta talk. -Dad, not now. I'm busy.
With? Turning tradition into a circus?
Well, everybody likes it, Dad. Times are changing.
Cha… They might be changing, but not here in Podhale.
-Have you talked to Patryk? -About?
The baptism! We'll be shamed in front of 300 people.
Why 300 people? I thought…
It was only supposed to be for our immediate family!
Jeez, we did, but things changed. There'll be about 200 on our side.
What do you mean 200?
Well, word got out, so more family came forward.
Are you kidding me, Dad?
Did you ask him? If he's called?
I mean Patryk.
Patryk, did you call?
I said I'll call. I called her.
Oh, you did? Well, what did she say?
Wait up!
Dad, what's wrong?
Nothing. Nothing at all.
Keep smiling, California. Let's welcome a new day.
What is it like to be the Snow Queen in the sunniest city in the world?
Fantastic!
All right, huge round of applause for Miss Winter, everybody,
and I'll see you right after a short break.
-Thank you very much. -Thank you.
All right, we've got it. Good job.
-What's up? -We're ready for the next segment.
-Who's that? -That would be Kasia.
Oh, it's the girl with the… All right, got it. Thank you.
Thank you so much.
-Hi! -Hi!
-Welcome to the show. -Nice to meet you.
-How are you doing? -Very good. How about you?
Thank you for asking. I'm really good. Do you happen to have your phone on you?
Oh, yes, I do.
It might be interfering, so it's better if the assistant takes it for you.
-Of course. -Okay. Betty! Phone.
Oh, I, uh… I didn't turn it off.
No, no, no. Take it. We're going on air in one minute, okay?
-It's a great idea. -No!
If you back me up, they won't have a choice, will they now?
You won't let a guy order you around, right, Jagoda?
Just drop it! Patryk and Kasia are the godparents.
-And if not? -Then no baptism.
Ask if she called.
She just called!
-She called! -She just called.
Hey, what's up? Did she call?
Hey! Stop! Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
Thank you all. Um…
Uh, everyone, I've gathered you all here tonight, so I…
-So we can put an end to this. -End what? What are we ending?
Maryla, please be quiet, okay? I'm talking now.
Brother! Maybe not in front of all these people?
Brother, yes, in front of people.
Yes.
Everyone! Everyone, in a bit, we'll make a call to America,
where our pride, the pride of Podhale, my sweetheart--
-Kasia! -Yes, Maryla. Kasia.
Right, Kasia.
She has just been given a prestigious award for creating a digital apiary.
Okay, calm down, calm down.
In a moment, we'll all congratulate her.
Oh, I've got a weird feeling.
This isn't going to end very well.
KASIA CONNECTING…
I'm so grateful for this award.
-Einstein said that if the bees died out-- -Yes?
…humanity would have only four years left to live.
That's terrible.
But thanks to our digital project, we have a chance to change that.
That's absolutely fascinating.
-Kasia? -Hi there.
Gotta say,
you look way better in a hat.
Who are you? Where's Kasia?
I assume you're asking about Kate?
She's, um,
in the shower.
Can I take a message?
Is she with you? Are you together?
What do you think she came here for?
Research?
Learn to lose, mountain boy.
And, uh, say hello to the white bears for me.
What?
Well, that's absolutely fascinating, and this honey is so yummy.
And all those bees are so romantic.
So speaking of which, something that no one saw coming.
Live, first time here from our studio in Santa Monica,
let's keep our fingers crossed
and let's see if she can forgive!
What?
Come on.
Some big survival fan.
Camped out in a national park at night, huh?
Hey!
Anyone here?
You can't park here.
-Sorry? -You cannot park here.
I'm sorry but I'm not here on purpose. I told you, I was looking for a car shop.
-I want to help you. -Well, can you leave?
It's gonna be a cold night.
Very chilly.
I feel like I'm gonna be okay.
Could have just moved your truck.
Won't some Goral girl kick me out of here?
She might have once upon a time, but not anymore.
Ah, welcome to the club.
-You plan on staying here long? -Podhale is just a pit stop.
I should be miles from here by this time.
Where? In that piece of garbage?
Hey! Watch it, that's my home.
In Portugal.
-Where's this? -Mauritania.
I did this trip in a month, I will have you know.
-Ah. -You travel solo too?
Yes I do. Can't you see?
I like to be unbothered.
Sleep downstairs. No snooping around.
Breakfast is at 7:00. If you're not up, make it yourself.
Okay.
-But Maryla knows nothing! -So?
You want to spend your life running around Poland dressed like a bear?
You don't steal from your own, man.
I'm no Goral, am I?
Well, I am a Goral!
And either you tell her or I'll do it myself.
Listen, If you keep quiet,
nobody will know anything and everything will be fine.
We'll just move one batch, then another.
Another? Not a chance in hell!
Look me in the eye.
See?
You're lookin' at the most successful man in Podhale.
What?
Oh! Nice to meet you. Thanks for coming so quickly.
-What's up? -Well, we have a perfect opportunity.
The godmother lost her wits in America. So now the ceremony might not happen
and we'll have a surplus of liquor.
Hectoliters. Interested?
-No. -But wait. It's a cash transaction,
Good destination. Moravia.
Come on, man. You've got… Uh, it's your lucky day because I need a truck driver.
-No. -But why not?
Because.
No worries, you can look.
I put on some underwear just for you.
Your ex's? What did he do to you?
He tried stealing my dreams. Scrambled eggs?
Yes. Made from real eggs from happy chickens.
Thanks for putting me up.
Oh, no problem. I'll take a look at the RV soon.
Hmm.
Hey, get off my property!
Shut up!
-Drop the rock! -What?
-I said, drop the rock. -What?
Give it to me.
-Let go! Let go! -Kacper!
-Well, there you go. -Ow!
-You know him? -Are you following me?
I'm getting my stuff back. Why'd you steal my RV and my goddamn headphones?
-You stole the RV? -Only technically.
You're not getting it back.
-So, whose is it? His or yours? -Who's this?
Your new boyfriend? You sleep with him?
Yes, I slept with him, and it was amazing.
Good morning.
Could you explain to me what the hell is going on here?
Put some snow on that.
She would have froze to death in that RV, so I put her up.
Such a nice guy!
Come on, I just helped her out. Nothing happened, babe.
-Hey, give me that. -Get off!
-And it doesn't sound like that to me. -She's talking nonsense!
And I'm not lying. Unlike others.
Wow, man.
Why… Why did you say he wouldn't be there?
Bob. And he sure was.
What the hell are you saying?
Everyone told me it would end badly. But no, I said, "Let her go, let her go."
"I know I can trust my wife."
"I believe her."
Well, now half of Podhale thinks I'm a cuckold.
Half of Podhale thinks you're a cuckold? What are you talking about?
-Why are you back so soon? -They kicked me out!
Come on, Kasia, you can do better than that. Why didn't you call me?
I didn't have my phone on me.
-In bed with Bob. -Huh?
Board.
-Backpack. -Hey!
Ugh, there's some more of your stuff here.
Ugh, garbage from Indonesia. I hated that stupid trip.
-Come on, it was your idea! -Here's your mask. Here!
-Laptop. -Well--
Your gloves. There.
-Be careful please. -I really can't.
That's all. And forget about the RV.
It won't get you anywhere. Unless maybe it gets towed.
-What now? Are you just gonna stay here? -Why not?
Fantastic people, wonderful place. What more could you want? Time to settle down.
Oh, now you want to. Hey!
Are you moving out?
No. It's my house.
Ah, you'll be living with the woman who cheated on you, huh?
Come on, man. Half of Podhale will be laughing at you.
Now you're stealing my lines.
Why don't you stay with your little friend, huh?
My friend? That's right. Right. With my friend, exactly!
In the RV.
Sounds good. I'll help. I'll hold the door.
Great. Thank you very much.
If you want to stay, then stay. But I'll stay as well until you decide to listen.
And where are you going to live, hm?
-Under a bridge? -There are no bridges close by.
But there is accommodation.
And a place just freed up, right, gazda?
-Where's my tent? -The basement.
Come on in! Make yourself comfortable.
-Let me help. -Thank you.
Don't sleep in my bed.
I'm really sorry for this mess.
It's okay.
I'm happy to try to talk to her.
In Podhale, we handle these things a little differently.
You know it's supposed to be -20 tonight?
Eh. I've slept in worse places.
As you wish. If you freeze, you won't fix anything.
Right, right.
Sleep downstairs, don't walk around the house, the bathroom's there.
Breakfast is at 7:00. If you're not up, make it yourself.
Thank you.
Sure.
-I don't think he slept with her. -Are you sure about that?
-I know him. -Hmm.
I think.
So, uh, what's going on?
He doesn't trust me anymore and he won't let me explain anything.
Welcome to the club.
Oh wow, what did you do to her?
Nothing. I proposed to her.
Are you an idiot, or do you do extreme sports?
N… no. I just wanted to build a life for us.
So you're an idiot.
Hey, come on now.
If she heard me out, it would all be okay.
Welcome to the club.
You see him? That Bob guy?
He came from America in an RV.
But he looks different. He doesn't look like himself.
He's skinny like a twig.
-I don't think that's him. -What do you mean?
Maybe he had plastic surgery.
In America, it's a very common decision, getting plastic surgery.
What's that?
Kale. Want some?
It regulates cholesterol, hmm, and raises your immunity.
Jesus Christ.
Hell will freeze over before I start drinking blended cabbage.
If it's not him, then who is it?
Oh, Some third guy.
Your sister is unstable. Just like your brother-in-law.
Ha! I'm telling you, they're gonna live like this now.
Polyamorously.
It's a thing now, buddy.
The offer is still on the table.
My cousin from Twardorzeczka can take Karolek to his baptism.
Not Kasia and Patryk.
It's a good, old-fashioned, traditional Goral family.
Over my dead body. No cousins from Twardorzeczka.
In a week, all of this will be sorted out.
There is not gonna be anything left in a week.
Watch out, watch out! Hide!
He didn't let me explain and judged me immediately.
But did you tell that Bob guy to go to hell?
Come on, an entire SWAT team came for my throat.
SWAT team? For one woman?
-Yeah. -Oh, Kasia.
They closed off the entire floor. There were police dogs searching the room.
An armed escort led me out of there.
Jagoda, the entire street was blocked with police cars.
-Everywhere you look, police cars. -The entire street was blocked?
They pushed me into a car, took me to the airport,
hurled me on to an airplane and off I went.
The FBI, the CIA, the entire United States against Kasia!
Oh, give it a rest.
You don't believe me?
No, Kasia, we believe you. We do.
Okay, we believe you. Yeah.
But the thing is, my sweetheart, you could have called.
-My phone got stolen. -Yeah.
Oh, Kasia, this is all too much.
-You don't believe me! -I'm telling you, we believe you.
But the men will never believe you.
You know, the air's pretty thin all the way up here in the mountains,
so their brains are smaller and slower.
-They've lost a few marbles! -Such is life. Let's drink.
No, not you.
Okay. Things will work out.
Buddy, leave it. You'll hurt yourself.
-I'm already in pain, my guy, don't worry. -Don't mess with the wood.
Why? Ah, 'cause it's yours?
-That's right. -Oh.
Give it here. I can't stand it. Don't wave it like it's a baseball bat.
Wow.
-Yeah. Years of practice. -I can see.
-Where'd you practice? -Taiga, tundra, Siberia.
You probably wouldn't know. Only men go there.
Now you just watch the lumberjack do his thing.
Uh…
All right.
-It's… It's not balanced right. -Yeah? May I?
You sure about that? I don't know. Seems fine to me.
-Just luck. -Yeah?
Hold on.
How's that, huh?
If you want wood, go gather some twigs.
Hey!
What the hell are these barrels even for?
-It's a smoke screen. -Why are they so big though?
This is important. So we need serious smoke screens.
But what are we supposed to put in them?
Your job, is to handle him. I've got her. That's the plan.
But, uh, what am I supposed to say to Patryk?
Must I do everything?
You know you've got a brain. Figure it out.
Oh, damn it!
What the hell do I need these barrels for?
Well, how about wine?
Look, I've got three signature bottles, not a whole vineyard.
Then maybe… Maybe you can brew some Slivovitz?
What the hell do I need Slivovitz for, huh?
Jesus of Nazareth.
Don't make this so hard.
Well… Maybe you could start ice swimming?
These are great barrels for ice swimming.
Ice swimming is trendy now. Good for you. Hey, you going to the bonfire?
Everything's already been set up. You'll be fine.
Hmm. Are the tourist girls gonna be there?
I've had enough of tourist girls for now. Franek can help you.
Yeah, help me.
He's with Karolek. Kasia was supposed to help.
You going?
-Nah. -Come on, man, you've gotta go.
Just come. Come on!
You ice swim?
Yeah.
-Only when it's -20 though. -Mm.
Pretty weak.
-Yeah? -Yeah, yeah.
Hello, sister.
Hello, yourself.
Don't just stand there. Go on.
Kasia, whatever happened in America, stays in America.
-Your relationship, your issues. But-- -No.
Stop.
-Are you swingers or what? -Why? You want in on it?
-Don't joke. All of Podhale is buzzing. -Let them!
What are you? A fricking news station?
A what? What news station?
Sister, I came here to ask for your help with the bonfire.
Have your gazda from Warsaw help you.
He turned me down.
W… we can't do it on our own.
So? Please.
No.
Well, you have to!
3 PEAKS JOURNEY AND VACATION CENTER
Here you are.
Thank you.
Wacuś, Wacuś! Hurry, come here.
They came. Aha!
Huh. Soon, you'll witness a mighty love affair at play.
A passionate one that will set the Tatra mountains on fire!
Hey!
Maybe we can forget about this?
We won't forget anything. Let's go!
So It seems to me like we're not gonna see any fires today, my friend.
Keep working on those love stories though, buddy.
-Hey! How are the sausages? -Not bad.
Hey!
He's something, right?
Excuse me?
Typical representative of a young Podhale guy.
I thought I'd be first, but then that girl turned up.
I'm just telling you this because I heard you had issues.
Just a rumor.
It's a bit surprising since it's the females that choose a mate,
but there's no accounting for taste.
Whatever floats your boat.
Oh!
Burned my sausage.
Excuse me, could you help?
-Cheers to a great bonfire. -I'm gonna get my gloves from the car.
They're right here.
Yeah, but they're soaked.
-Here. -Thanks!
-Please. -There you go.
May I have two?
Oh yeah, um… Ah, we've just run out. I'm sorry.
-Here you go. -Ah, too bad.
The Litworówka's must be gone too, hm?
Oh no. Not that.
Want a drink?
With who? With you?
Yeah, with me.
You chicken?
Whoo!
Other way.
Oh, watch out!
Come on!
Oh, why don't you give him a break?
I'm sorry, and who asked you?
Tell me, how long will you be camping on my land?
Wow. That wasn't very nice.
Wasn't trying to be.
Trust me. If I could, I wouldn't be here any longer
and I'd be doing something completely different.
Like what? Living your little dream?
That's what I'm doing at this very moment.
Yeah? By hitting on my man? Great!
Hey!
Enough!
What's the matter? We're just having fun.
You're the best. You won.
-Leave him alone. He's taken. -We're leaving.
-But I didn't mean that. I… -Don't waste your breath.
-Kasia? -Yeah?
You really helped me out. Thanks.
No worries. In Podhale, you'd better watch out.
-What's this? -Uh…
I'm a fixer. I fix mistakes that pop up in video games.
-Oh. -That other people made. Hmm.
Too bad you can't fix the problems in your own life, huh?
You really know how to cheer up a guy.
That wasn't my intention.
Could you tell me where the hell I went wrong?
-You want to get her back? -Yeah.
First of all, stop thinking you're the victim.
Okay.
Second of all, they want an affair? We'll give it to 'em.
Uh-huh…
What's going in there?
Lomilomi.
What?
Massage of the loving hands.
He's a master at those.
Sexaholic.
Is it pleasant?
Mm-hmm. Very.
-There's no such massage. -Yeah, there is.
He learned it in Hawaii.
Unfortunately, any woman melts at his touch.
-How is it? Everything okay? -Mm-hmm.
I'll melt his face off.
-Enough. -But… but…
It's great. Excellent massage.
But I haven't even started.
Oh, well. Worst case, we postpone the baptism.
Why would you?
Just because my life fell apart doesn't mean yours has to.
Hey, Kasia.
Are you just gonna let Patryk go like that?
He's a good man.
And for a surfer?
Come on, back off!
Well, he's no Belmondo, but they say he's good with his hands.
-Hey, hey, hey! -Please, he's still just a kid.
-He's so talented! -How do you know?
I just know! I may be a new mom, but I've got a lot of life left to live.
Hey, mother, mother, watch it.
He's not your type at all. Mine either.
But I have heard one touch of his makes a woman go wild.
Not me. I'm too strong.
-Hey, Kasia. -Yeah?
I think you should seriously think this over.
What am I supposed to think over?
It's been going on too long. Too long!
Everyone knows you're as stubborn as a mule.
Patryk is no better. That's obvious.
But pulling those outsider kids into your fight is just so…
I'm pulling them?
-Oh no? -Patryk started it.
I actually want to help them.
-Yeah? -Yeah.
How?
Hey, is that, uh, board of yours any good or…?
Probably better than your skis.
Wanna find that out?
Right now? Or do you wanna wait for an audience?
Now.
Just the two of us.
Seems flat.
Well, we've gotta walk.
-Just a few meters. -Mm-hmm?
-Maybe more. -Maybe more?
Do you mean a kilometer? Or a few?
Should I call a helicopter?
What's with the board?
Are you gonna wobble up there?
What took you so long? I was beginning to get bored.
You okay?
Yeah. Disappointed?
Ow.
Hey, are you okay?
Why? Are you worried?
Of course not. Are you kidding?
-It was your idea? -No. No.
-Mine. -What?
Well, he wanted to see the sights, so I couldn't tell him no.
-Are the two of you nuts? -Come on, Wera.
What happens next? You'll kill yourself with axes?
-Kasia, what do you mean, axes? Kasia! -Wera!
-Wait up! Can you listen to me? -Hey, just…
Want me to give you a massage?
-Oh, massage yourself. -Ow! Ow!
-Hey! -Oh, damn it.
Give me that.
I'm coming in.
Coming in!
Uh…
Excuse me, but I thought that…
No, no, Everything is okay. It's okay.
I'll go to the… to the… the chair.
Kasia! Wait.
I'll go with you.
No, I need some alone time to think.
Well, I could use that too.
-I'll go. -I really need to be alone Kacper.
Just give me a few minutes I'll go get changed. Okay?
Your keys.
What do you got going on this morning?
Whoa!
Here. Give me your hand. Come here.
Oh!
Come on.
I need a sec.
It's beautiful.
It was, before you went and ruined everything.
Wera, I'm not finished. It was just one of the options.
-I haven't given them an answer. -Do they remind you of anyone?
Us?
-Yeah. -Mm-hmm.
-Kacper, please. -Wera, we just had to talk it over a bit.
-But you ran away. -Hmm.
It was always an uphill battle for us. You know?
Always.
Don't ruin this place even more for me.
That bastard! I'll kill him.
-Maryla, I don't know if this will work. -It will, it will.
It always does, you'll see. They won't do anything on their own now.
They're angrily running in circles.
Ah. Silly little things.
I think my father and my father-in-law are up to no good
That's what I'm afraid of too!
Holy cow!
I don't believe it!
Saints give me patience. Saints give me patience!
Because if I lose my nerve, Holy Mother of Jesus herself won't stop me.
I'll tear him apart!
I'll tear him in half, skin him alive,
take him out to the forest and throw him to the wolves!
That damn weasel. He'll pay for this!
I'm calling him.
No reason to be worried. It's all good, really.
Everything is ready, like I promised.
Who do you think you're talking to, you idiot?
Oh. Maryla.
I… I thought it was this guy who I'm meeting later. We're getting a drink.
Where's my Litworówka?
-What do you mean? The storehouse. -Yeah?
In the storehouse? The empty one?
You think I'm blind?
There's nothing here! Where did you take it all?
Uh, hello? Uh, I can't hear you. You're… breaking up.
I can't hear you a-at all. Huh, huh.
He hung up. He hung up!
I'll kill that brainless dimwit!
Hello? Uh, pardon me, about the Litworówka…
Well, we just came upon a minor complication.
The situation is quite dynamic.
-Should we be concerned? -No. No need to worry. I--
Okay.
Hey, um, where's my masterpiece?
It's a masterpiece, but it's been released.
-They picked it up. -Who did?
Kasia. She said you agreed, right?
Holy cow.
Want some cheese from Toruń?
Goddamn it!
Oh, goddamn it. From the market.
Okay, So it's like that, huh?
Stealing my sleigh?
I brought it back so you could run in the race.
I left everything behind for you.
Did I ask for that?
I parade around in a sheepskin waistcoat.
I'm now an expert at making smoked cheese. I even carve little Jesus figurines!
-Jesus? -As a hobby.
Don't be ridiculous.
Kasia.
It was supposed to be our race.
Now it's just yours.
Cool it, Patryk.
-Don't… -Stay.
Don't you have a watch? Why are you 30 minutes late? What the…
W… what were you doing? Seducing little tourist girls again?
Of course I wasn't. Not at all.
Their holiday ended, so I was just saying farewell. Again.
I have a plan. A good one.
A plan?
Plan B. We have to isolate the young ones.
Oh, is that all?
We'll discuss details over a bottle, eh?
Kale again? Blah!
Litworówka.
So that our plan doesn't shrivel up once we manage to set it in motion.
Here's to your health.
Thank you.Mm.
Ah. Mm. Back in action. Good man!
So, tell me, tell me, tell me.
Well, so listen.
What's it going to be? How are we doing this?
-Not too cold? -Nah.
it was colder in the Himalayas.
Wanna join?
-Gladly. -Are you sure?
Of course!
One, two, three! Sha!
Whoo. Ah. Whoo.
I… if you're cold, just get out, eh?
Uh, it's all good. I scuba dived under ice.
Sure. More like dry ice.
I'm not cold. No, no.
Oh my gosh.
You two really are crazy, huh?
You wanted me to cool it, right?
Sing, sing!
Mm-hmm.
No reaction to light. They'll soon fall into a coma.
Oh gosh. We need rubbing therapy.
Well, then. I'll get the pine twigs, I guess.
A few.
-Not the twigs, not the twigs! -Shush.
I've got some bear fat.
Why are you just standing there? Take care of your man.
He's not mine.
Hmm.
What is she… What is she talking about?
Trust me, you don't wanna know.
Maryla, you were right.
There's no time. Let's do it.
Come in.
-Are you alone? -Patryk's on his way.
You started this madness, so you'll help end it.
-We need to talk. -Okay, sit.
But not here.
-Did you talk to Kasia? -Sure did.
-And? -She'll be here soon.
-Great. Here we go. -Hey, I'm here.
-Okay. -Hey.
Wonderful.
You're making Litworówka a day before the parade?
-Yeah. -There's not enough time.
No, there is. If you help us there is, right?
We really appreciate it. We wouldn't make it in time otherwise.
Sure thing. What do you need?
How about you bring the bottles? They're behind the second door, next to the broom.
-In here? -Right there.
-You'll find them, bring them. -Hurry up!
Hey, what's going on?
-Yes! -Let me out of here!
Hmm.
Are you for real?
You've gotta just listen to me.
Never mind.
-Open it already! -They won't open.
Stop kidding around. Open the door!
Maryla, just let us out! Open up now.
I told you, they'll only open after we've talked.
I haven't slept with Patryk.
I haven't slept with Kacper.
So what's this all about then?
The man I love thinks I'm deceitful.
Mm.
Patryk thinks the world of you. That's why he's losing it.
And Kacper wants to change himself for you.
-You know what that means? -Yes.
Oh please.
I'm the master of screwing everybody over.
Sometimes we need to let go.
Hmm.
You don't always have to be right.
Did you check the starter? It should be… Oh, there.
Don't lecture me on starters. I was born with that knowledge.
-But you haven't looked in here too often. -Mm-hmm.
Hold this for me.
Listen, if you think Kasia and I did anything…
Come on, man, she's out of your league.
Mm. And Wera's out of yours.
Oh crap!
-It's nice. -Right?
-Old-school. -Thanks.
-Have you ever even touched the starter? -Not that long ago, but…
I've got repair footage on my laptop. I'll bring it here.
-And the original wrench should be inside. -Well, then, go. Quickly, hurry, hurry.
Did you make up or kill each other?
Did you make up?
I'm not hearing anything.
Come on! Did you make up or kill each other?
Yeah, yeah, we made up.
Ha! See? Told you. It works every time.
-So let's open up. -Yeah.
Oh, um, did you send the video?
-Yeah, I did it from an anonymous account. -That's great.
Thank your American friend for arranging it. Come on, get 'em out.
If I hadn't set him up, he wouldn't have helped.
-Stop talking. Open up! -Maryla, it was no big…
-There. -There!
-End of captivity. -There you go, girls!
-Can we go now? -Where? Where? We've got work to do!
If you didn't argue so much, you wouldn't have had to stay in there so long.
Stop talking. Get to work.
And remember,
above everything else,
together we stand,
divided we fall.
Well, let's drink to unity and a job well done.
Not you.
There!
Delicious!
-Live, first time here… -What the hell?
…from our studio in Santa Monica,
let's keep our fingers crossed
and let's see
if she can forgive!
-Kate. -Yes!
I forgive you.
Will you marry me?
I don't believe this.
Shove those flowers up your ass.
Turn off the camera.
Oh!
Holy crap.
-Oh my God. Somebody stop her! -Hey, that's my guitar!
-Security! -That's my Goral girl.
-Security! -Easy. Calm down.
What fucking chance?
I'm calm. I am calm.
Kate, easy. Hey! Hey!
Man, she's crazy.
-Cut the cameras! -Oh!
Well…
…life happened.
And this is live television.
So let's cut to commercial break.
Lights out.
Look at them squirming.
Just like worms.
-It… it's not her! -She wasn't there.
Why… why the brother-in-law?
I had to, or he'd have given us up.
Quiet!
Plan C. Regroup.
-Come on, giddyap! -Quiet!
-Hyah! Hyah!
Giddyap!
Tighter. Tighter!
Shush, brother.
It's nothing personal. We had to improvise.
The girl wasn't there.
-Hold it, hold it. -I'm holding!
Stop screaming now!
You'll thank us later.
Take this. Here's a hat.
So you don't catch a cold.
I got one for him too.
A nice winter hat. You're welcome
You'll stay here until morning. Get some rest.
-You can think about your choices. -Yes.
-Maybe even be friends again. -Yeah.
Wait. Whose is this?
-This isn't me. -Don't look at me. It's not mine.
-Then whose? -How would I know?
How would I?
Plan D.
Horses.
Stay, stay, stay.
Stay!
Go! Go.
Go!
Hyah!
Why are you here?
Oh no! No, no, no, no, no, no!
Lights out.
I will not forgive this. You're going to jail.
We? You're stealing from your own!
Really? You're biting the hand that feeds you?
Taking hostages. Imprisonment. The possibility of a wild animal attack?
Do you see any here?
I'll put it this way, Włodek.
You don't say anything to anyone and we won't either.
And if you're good, we might even
not tell Maryla a single thing.
In the morning, there'll be nothing here, including that contraband of yours.
That's our mutual solution.
But my crime isn't as punishable as your crime.
That's according to the criminal code.
What crime are you talking about? Jędruś, do you see any crime around here?
Where?
All right, how about it? Deal?
And with Maryla?
Yeah.
-That's how it went! -Really?
Okay, I'll talk to him tomorrow.
Wanna come in?
Ah, no thanks. I'll talk to him in the morning.
Wera?
Thanks.
I'm coming in!
Why did Kacper leave his phone here?
That's why he's not picking up.
Patryk isn't picking up either.
Maybe they're off to the mountains again?
No, it's the day of the race.
-Maybe they went together? -Together? Nah, come on.
The sleigh.
Well…
I know who we need to ask. Let's go.
Chill out!
What the hell was that?
A Goral kidnapping. Welcome to the country.
Enjoy yourself.
Hey, you're just gonna leave me here to die? Untie me!
Yeah.
Yeah. Could you chase it off with a sausage somehow?
All right. We've got a problem.
-What are you talking about? -Um, we gotta go to the shack.
Włodek, I told you last night that everything's set. Don't panic.
A bear came down from the mountain. They're closing off the valley.
If it came down, mm, it will walk around and go away.
Who came down?
Uh…
Drink. It'll warm you up.
Are you all completely insane? Do you not have enough oxygen out here?
Dude, you've got a phone? You should've called for help immediately.
I was tied up, remember?
Crap. Kasia called me, like, ten times.
So, were they here or were they not?
Maybe they were, maybe they weren't.
W… what am I, a news station or something?
Uh, maybe they're at the parade, huh?
-What was that? -Probably a groundhog.
Groundhog? It's a bear!
-Hey, hey, hey! Let's get out of here! -Shush.
Yeah.
That's a very good idea. Hmm?
A bear runs at 60 kilometers an hour.
Can you run at 70 kilometers an hour?
Mm-mm.
Then chill out.
What are you doing?
I'm googling how to defeat it.
Hey!
My Litworówka.
Was that all your doing? Huh?
Because some businessmen from the Czech Republic
came to pick up the goods.
Excuse me, uh, what goods?
Oh, you're asking me? You don't know?
Gentlemen, I can assure you that no matter what happens,
you will get the goods that were promised.
But I'm afraid there will be an extra charge.
Are you completely insane? Setting strangers against your own family?
Where's Patryk and Kacper? Talk!
I don't know. Sister, Kasia, free your brother this instant or I sw--
Sweetheart,
we did it all for you, I promise!
Are you serious, Dad? What was for us?
Everything. Everything!
Now him!
It wasn't me. They are the ones who left people to be eaten by wild animals!
Where?
In Grandpa Jasiek's shack.
If it comes up to you, don't look it in the eye.
Or… Or… Or what? If you look, you'll fall in love?
-Do you have any weapons? -I've got a bear repellant spray.
-Take it out! -I left it at home.
"Talk in a calm tone of voice. Hide behind a tree."
"Bears have very poor eyesight."
"If there are no trees, show it that you're human?"
Who writes these things?
-Kacper! -Sh! Shush.
Come on.
Is it gone?
You really came down from the mountain to save me?
No. Kasia gave me a lift.
Damn.
I love you.
I haven't slept with either him or Bob, or anyone else.
Do you believe me?
Yeah.
And I promise I didn't sleep with Wera.
I know.
Do you forgive me?
You've met your match, huh?
Hurry, hurry, hurry!
Hmm.Sweet thing.
Well, what do you think?
Golden Arrow. Beautiful, huh?
Beautiful. But will it hold up, gazda?
It'll run, it'll run. Don't worry, gentlemen. I'll be taking the gold.
-We'll see. -We'll see.
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Before you talk a big game, you better put your money where your mouth is.
Uh-huh. Just be prepared to lose. You need to learn how to.
-"Learn how to lose" -Lose?
-Come on, let's go. -Let's go.
Look here.
-This one looks healthy. -Looks nice.
It does.
First place is all mine.
So it'll pass through all firewalls
and upload automatically to each device in a 100-kilometer radius.
-Hey, you're good! -Yep.
Bluejacking through unsecured Bluetooth networks.
Kid, I used to do tech stuff like this before Bluetooth was even a thing
on a machine I got for my First Communion.
Okay, listen, uh, if you ever need a job--
Uh, you're not ready for me. Plus, I'm on maternity leave.
Yeah?
And where's your baby?
What do you mean? Where he should be. With his dad.
Let me see.
Turn off the camera!
Oh my God!
-Security! -Easy! Easy!
-You see? Looks like I was right. -You were right?
I guess you were, but I was right too! Wait.
You were right?
-What's going on? -Kasia's beating up Bob!
We're a team again.
Hold up.
Okay.
Okay. Ready?
Ready?
Hey!
Whoo!
I've said from the start that she was innocent.
You? What did you say? I should feel stupid?
Well, you didn't believe your own sister. Aren't you ashamed?
Ah, just look at you! You're an old man, huh?
But not an old nincompoop.
Like some others I know.
-Pola, Jola! -We're here.
Finally! So good of you to show up.
We're leaving and seeing the race!
Oh, by the way, did you know that groundhogs hibernate in Podhale?
Oh. Take notes, Jola, take notes.
And did you know groundhogs feed only on kale?
Uh, hold on. Krzysiek, go warm up.
-Groundhogs subsist on kale. -What are you saying? Kale? In Zakopane?
Stop talking and go. Plan E.
Go, Paris!
THREE WEEKS LATER
Hey!
They're perfect!
Congratulations! He's a beautiful boy.
Congratulations.
Oh, my sweet little baby!
Adorable!
-Congratulations! -Yeah! Give him to me.
-Congrats on the race. -Here's to your health and happiness.
To your health too, friends!
-Hey. -Hi.
-So, will it get you to Portugal? -Yeah. Thanks to a great mechanic.
Mm-hmm.
And even if it breaks down, we can walk the rest of the way.
What about your job?
I gave them an ultimatum. Remote work or nothing at all.
I guess you do know how to fix your mistakes after all.
Will you visit us in Portugal?
You'll always have a place to stay in the mountains.
And how about you learn how to make smoked cheese? Maybe you can start a business.
And start carving Jesus figurines.
-Bye. -Bye.
-How about a rematch one day? -On the board?
-Uh, nah, on the waves. -Okay.
-Drive safe! -Bye.
How about an RV?
Nah.
How long will it take you to repair that rust bucket?
-The motorcycle? -Yeah.
It'll be ready when it's ready.
You could still back out, you know?
-I've surfed in far worse conditions. -Yeah? When?
None of your business.
-After you. -No, after you. Let's go, tough guy.