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I'm going to tear the barn to the ground.
This is going to end, once and for all.
Huh.
Goddamn it!
Now it shall burn. Burn down the whole damn thing.
Huh.
Come on.
♪ Just hear those sleigh bells jingling Ring-tingle-tingling too ♪
♪ Ring-a-ling-a-ling-a-ding-dong-ding! ♪
♪ Come on, it's lovely weather For a sleigh ride together with you ♪
♪ Ring-a-ling-a-ling-a-ding-dong-ding! ♪
♪ Outside the snow is falling And friends are a calling "Yoo-hoo!" ♪
♪ Ring-a-ling-a-ling-a-ding-dong-ding... ♪
Did you guys know that Norway is the happiest country on Earth?
Yeah? Doesn't surprise me.
It's like Disneyland for Europe.
Now we've moved to Disneyland. How lucky.
I just wish global warming would hurry up already.
Don't worry. In a couple of years, when California's just a scorching desert,
- Norway will be just like Santa Monica. - Yeah, right.
- Hey. - Hm?
Is that a moose on a sign?
Oh! So cute!
Have you ever seen a moose on a sign before?
Come on.
Let's take a photo with it.
- Yeah. - Yeah?
Oh, this is gonna make the most amazing family Christmas photo for this year.
Oh, yeah. Great idea.
Okay, everyone line up behind.
- Get a good angle. - Okay.
Like that?
Yeah, that's great.
Okay, everyone say "moose."
Moose!
- What is that? - Huh.
Oh.
- Oh, my God. - Oh, that's so cute.
Just like in the sign.
- So cute. - Hi, buddy.
Dad, be careful.
I mean, how often do you get the chance to say hi to a little guy like you, huh?
Hey, buddy.
You cold out here?
Huh?
Is that your mother?
Run!
It's a killer moose!
Come on!
- Run! - Quick!
Whoa!
- Start the car, goddamn it! - The car won't start!
Start the car!
What are you doing?
- Everybody okay? - Yeah.
- Hey. - Oh.
Are you okay? Everyone all right?
Uh, I'm still working on my Norwegian.
Oh, you're Americans?
Yeah.
I just gotta tell you, I love The Kardashians.
Hm?
Okay, so the father moose,
he can be a bit crazy if you go after his kid, so...
Oh, we weren't going--
In Norway, we learn early that if you mess with nature,
nature will come back right at you and punch you in the faces.
So good luck!
- Thank you. - Mm. Thank you. Bye.
Ah, that was fun, huh?
We met the sheriff
and a moose and a baby moose.
Welcome to Norway.
♪ Our cheeks are nice and rosy And comfy and cozy are we ♪
♪ Ring-a-ling-a-ling-a-ding-dong-ding! ♪
♪ Come on, it's lovely weather For a sleigh ride together with you ♪
♪ Ring-a-ling-a-ling-a-ding-dong-ding! ♪
Oh, boy.
Even prettier than I remember.
- Here we are! - This is it?
Huh?
Look at that.
I still can't believe we inherited this place.
It's gonna be the best Christmas ever, buddy.
Our backyard's bigger than our whole old neighborhood.
- Yeah, it is. - We're in the middle of nowhere?
Yeah.
Hey, isn't it great?
- My life is over. - Come on.
Let's check out our new digs.
Here we are. Home sweet home.
Huh?
Yeah.
- Wow. - Whoa.
Yeah, whoa, huh?
Ew! It smells like somebody died.
I cannot live here.
It sure is fresh.
- It's exciting. - Yeah.
This is our future. Bed and breakfast.
- It does need a little work. - Yeah. Okay.
Not much.
Okay.
- Ready? - Mm-hm.
Wow.
Yeah, right?
Wow.
- Needs a bit of work, huh? - Oh, we'll fix this place up in no time.
And a year from now,
people are gonna be lining up around the barn to stay here at night.
You'll see.
Yeah?
Yeah, of course.
You could even have your self-help seminars here.
Yeah.
Just think, your concept of Happy Vision.
Lucas, don't stay out too long.
And that is my great-great-grandfather.
When he was only 18,
he said goodbye to his family and hopped on a boat to America.
He swore he'd come back, but he never did.
But here you are.
Here we are,
as a family, in our new home.
You know, I just hope that your kids get used to it.
And that Lucas finally finds a friend.
And us, here together.
Me as their mom.
Hey, you've been their mother for years. They love you.
I don't know, I just feel like ever since we got married...
it's like Nora really resents me.
You guys!
There's something in the barn.
- What do you mean, "something"? - I don't know, but it's something.
Oh, well, it's probably just the wood.
Old buildings, they creak and groan.
Yeah, that's just how it's gonna be now, living out here.
- Hey, you wanna do something fun tonight? - Sure.
Should we do what all Norwegians do this time of year?
Yeah.
For thousands of years,
Norwegians have come out on winter evenings
to marvel at the sight of the great Northern Lights.
I can't see shit.
Language.
I'm cold. Can we go inside?
Okay, while we wait for the sky to clear up,
why don't we have more of that piping hot glögg?
That'll warm you up, huh?
Maybe we should call it a night.
No, no.
- You guys want to go to bed? - Yeah.
You're gonna miss the Northern Lights.
- Okay. - Whatever.
Hey, you know, maybe you should give them a bit of space.
This is a big change.
For all of us.
Look at this, huh?
We got everything we need here.
A ski shop, bakery.
Another ski shop.
Wonderful.
So great.
Oh! Watch out.
- Oh! - That looks fun, huh?
Can we go inside? It's fucking freezing.
Hey, don't use the F word.
You're right. I'm sorry.
It's fucking cold.
Oh-- She's not wrong, I mean, it is cold.
Why don't we go in here and grab a little Norwegian treat?
- Hm. - Don't stay out here long, Lucas.
- [townsfolk chattering - Hey, how are you doing?
Hi. Hello.
This looks cozy, huh?
Hi.
I love your onesie.
Suits you.
Are you the family that's taking over the Nordheim farm?
Yeah, that's us. Eric was my uncle.
I inherited the farm after he passed away.
Mm.
Yeah, and now we're moving here.
So these are the happiest people on Earth.
Ugh.
That is a barn elf.
What?
That is a barn elf.
I'm American.
Oh, sorry.
Uh, that's, uh, a fjøsnisse.
I guess you can call it a barn elf.
Are they real?
Uh, what do you mean?
Like, do they exist?
Yes.
Are they good or bad?
Uh, if you treat the barn elf nice,
he will be good to you and help look after the farm.
But if you make him angry,
he will do whatever it takes to get rid of you.
I've read tales, actually,
about the barn elf breaking the necks on the cows,
and just shoving their carcasses into milk containers.
Um...
You know that old dilapidated barn?
We're turning it into a hotel.
It's a little bit rough, but, uh, you get the idea.
Get back to nature with Nordheim Forest Glade.
- Our barn is your home. - Mm-hm!
Briefly.
- Eco-friendly. - Hm.
Have you ever heard of Airbnb? Or Vrbo? Uh, HomeAway?
- He's digesting it. - Yeah.
- It takes a second. - Uh-huh.
How do you make him angry?
Well, it depends.
Uh, first off, the barn elf is very, very old-fashioned and traditional,
- so he hates changes to the farm. - Okay.
Secondly, he doesn't like bright, artificial light, you know,
and he hates loud noises.
So don't take him to a rave party, to put it that way.
Okay.
Lucas?
Oh, Lucas, get away from that man.
- Hey, Mom. - Hi.
I hope he hasn't been bothering you.
No, no, no. He's not bothering me.
I'm just surprised to see a visitor here.
Or a visitor at all.
We don't get any visitors here at all.
It's very cozy.
Yes. I guess you are here on the vacation?
Oh! Oh, no, no, no.
- We actually just moved here. - Oh.
To the, um-- You know the Nordheim farm?
You know it?
- To the Nordheim farm? - Yeah.
Yeah, yes. Yes, I know it. Yes.
Bye.
Okay, honey, let's go.
Hello?
Oh, right. Sorry.
Don't be afraid.
Hm.
You want a cookie?
Hm!
Mm-mm.
Hm! Mm.
You really like that, don't you?
My name's Lucas.
And those other people, they're my family.
And we all promise to keep you safe.
I promise.
Oh.
Oh. Oh.
Want another one?
Hm!
Are there any beaches?
No.
Do they play softball?
No.
So, what is there?
Just snow.
I miss you.
This really sucks.
Jess?
Jess!
- Heard of knocking? - Sorry.
I know you're going through a tough time right now,
but you know what can really help?
It's something I like to call Happy Vision.
Oh, my God.
Are you seriously doing your life-coaching on me right now?
My tools have helped a lot of people.
If you envision something that makes you really happy,
it can come true.
My friends are my life.
How am I supposed to visualize them into existence, huh?
Norway will grow on you.
The only thing that'll grow on me here is icicles.
Good talk.
It's nice to meet you.
It's nice to milk you.
One more time.
Okay.
It's nice to meet you.
It's nice to milk you.
- Morning. - Good morning.
How is the Norwegian coming along?
Uh, great. You know, I'm practically fluent.
Sounding great.
- Yeah, I'm picking it up pretty easy. - Amazing.
You know, I really hope Nora and Lucas make some new friends.
They must miss their old friends a lot.
I'm sure they'll make friends in no time.
Mm. I don't know.
I feel like these Norwegians are really hard to connect with.
My grandpa used to say:
"Norwegians have an ice wall around their hearts.
But if you can manage to melt it, you have a friend for life."
Hm.
♪ To go riding in a one-horse sleigh... ♪
Maybe we could invite the neighbors over.
We could throw a party?
- Yeah. - Yeah.
Show them good old American hospitality.
Yeah. That might thaw their frozen hearts.
That's a great idea.
Why don't we throw the party at the barn?
Perfect.
♪ Jingle bell time... ♪
- Yay! - I love it.
Great.
Okay.
I'm gonna clear the snow. It's not gonna clear itself.
Oh, yeah.
It cleared itself.
Huh?
Ah, well, maybe it's a public service they provide in Norway.
Right.
And now you see how social democracy works, Lucas.
- Hm? - You pay your taxes
and they fix stuff for you.
Gotta love Norway.
Thanks for clearing the snow.
That was very kind of you.
Oh.
Mmm!
Thank you.
Who are you talking to?
An elf.
- He was here. - Right.
Where'd he go?
Got it.
♪ Have a holly jolly Christmas... ♪
- Come on, throw it like you mean it! - Whoo!
- Christmas party in the barn. - Christmas in our barn. Please come.
♪ Have a cup of cheer... ♪
Do you want to play a game or something?
I'm sorry. I'm just super busy right now.
♪ When you walk down the street... ♪
You know, we could just buy a tree like normal people.
No, no, illegally cutting down your own tree
is a rich Norwegian Christmas tradition.
Just pick one!
♪ Where you can see ♪
♪ Somebody waits for you ♪
♪ Kiss her once for me ♪
Yeah! Hit it!
♪ Have a holly jolly Christmas ♪
Whoa!
♪ And in case you didn't hear... ♪
Come on.
Nope.
I give up.
How do those lumberjacks do it?
I brought you some more cookies. Enjoy.
Hm!
♪ Oh, by golly Have a holly jolly Christmas ♪
Losing my mind.
♪ This year ♪
Just a little finishing touch.
There you go.
Come on, buddy!
- What's going on? - There he is.
Got a little surprise for you.
Three.
- Hm... - Two.
One!
No!
Oh!
Stop it. What are you--? What are you doing?
- Hey. - No, stop it.
He hates bright lights.
- Who? - The barn elf.
The barn elf?
Oh, it was part of that exhibition at the museum.
Yeah, he's real. And he lives right there.
And if we treat him well, he'll treat us well.
And he hates this stuff.
I'm sorry, I don't understand. He hates decorations?
No, he hates lights, he hates changes, he hates loud noises.
Ho-ho-ho!
- Merry Christmas! - Huh!
Motion-activated!
- Every time. - Ho-ho-ho!
- Works every time. - Merry Christmas!
What do you think, Nora? It's just like being at home.
- It's not so bad. - Yay!
That's my girl.
Ho-ho-ho! Merry Christmas!
Ho-ho-ho!
- Merry Christmas! - You can wave anything in front of it.
- Come try! - Merry Christmas!
Ho-ho-ho! Merry Christmas!
No, no.
Why? What happened?
What happened?
Where's Santa?
They took Santa!
Dad, I'm so sorry.
Ho-ho...
Santa?
Ho...
- Merry Christmas! - Santa?
They killed him.
So, what do you think happened, officer?
Probably some kids, you know?
The youth club closed, so they're bored.
Hm.
- Yeah. - So, what are you gonna do about it?
Yeah, what are you gonna do about it?
I mean, kids will be kids, right?
Yeah.
No, I mean, what are you going to do about it?
Oh, yeah.
I'm going to swipe this area for fingerprints,
and then I'll call the forensics, and, uh...
Oh, I'm just kidding. I will look into it though.
- Okay, great. - Hey.
- Thank you so much. - No problem.
- We're in good hands. - You know what?
It could be the moose, coming back for revenge.
You just let her go.
- Huh? - Why?
She said she's gonna handle it. She's gonna look into it.
- That means "do nothing." - No.
Hey, you're in Norway now, okay?
Nothing bad ever happens here.
That looks good.
- Hm? - Yeah.
Can't wait for our neighbors to see all this hard work we're putting in.
- What's wrong? - What if nobody comes?
What if we can't make new friends here?
Hey.
Happy Vision.
You remember four years ago, when I met you at your seminar?
I was really struggling. I was at the end of my rope.
You gave me the tools to deal with the most difficult time in my life.
That seminar completely changed my life.
In many ways.
You're right.
Happy Vision.
Hey, there she is.
You put positive energy out and you will attract--
Oh, my God!
- Anything broken? - No, I'm fine, I'm fine.
I must've dislodged it when I was moving boxes.
We gotta go. The guests will be here in five hours,
and we have to check if you have a concussion.
Okay.
How could you do that?
You almost killed my dad.
I thought we were friends.
Dear neigh-beers.
My whale life, I have trumped to get a concoction...
What?
...with my nuts.
Honey.
It meaning a lot much...
Okay, uh, let's eat!
- Dig in. Yeah. - Yeah.
I think that went pretty well.
Use your knife, sweetie.
Why is nobody talking?
They just need to warm up.
Okay.
Merry Christmas!
Norwegians are so friendly, huh?
They just needed alcohol. Lots of it.
- Who knew? - Yeah. Cheers!
♪ Killed Rudolph this Christmas... ♪
Your mom lets you drink wine?
Yeah, she says I'll get my hands on alcohol anyway,
so she'd just rather I drink something safe.
I got you, Bill. Billy.
- Wasn't expecting the hug. - Ah!
It's very Norwegian.
- A hug? - Yeah.
We do that too.
- You want some? - Sure.
- This, I brew myself. - Oh. Right.
Don't go near an open flame after you drink this stuff,
I tell you that.
- Maybe I don't drink it. - You drink it.
And so I pictured this happy life in Norway, and here we are.
- And we'll make it happen. - Yeah.
- Eventually. - You are so brave.
Thank you.
I've always wanted to be an American.
- I have a question. - Yeah.
- Have you ever been chased by the cops? - No.
You know, like a car chase or a foot chase or, like, an escalator. Whatever.
Why did you move to Norway?
I don't know.
I guess my dad just thought, um, that if we moved somewhere else,
we would just magically become this big, happy family.
- I have to admit, it hasn't been easy. - Mm-hm. Yeah.
And all the rumors and everything.
Rumors?
About the farm.
That it's haunted.
Very terrible.
Hi.
Can you give us a minute?
- Okay. - Thank you.
See you later.
Is that wine?
- Mm-- Mm-mm. - Oh.
I know what you're going through.
You know, moving can be so hard.
Raymond, can I ask a huge favor?
You want me to be Santa on Christmas Eve, right?
Yeah.
Yes!
I love being Santa on Christmas Eve.
Great.
I'm usually alone on Christmas anyway, so I have nothing else to do.
I mean, how do you even make friends at my age?
You are so lucky.
It's so much easier when you're young and gravity hasn't taken over.
Are you okay?
Ugh.
The party's over!
Please stop.
You're making the elf mad.
Lucas.
Quiet, everyone!
Are you kidding me?
I can't believe this.
I mean, you're not even 21.
What?
You're grounded.
I'm already grounded!
We're all fucking grounded anyway!
Well, then your phone is confiscated.
Until January.
You're a monster.
What?
- She's your daughter. - Yeah?
Why don't you say something?
Yeah.
I agree with Carol, your mother. Stepmother.
Hey. Um...
You know, Lucas, the things I told you about at the museum,
about the barn elves...
You see, barn elves,
they aren't actually--
They're making the elf mad, and no one will listen to me.
You have to help me.
Well, if it's like you say, Lucas,
then there's only one thing you can do.
- What's that? - On Christmas Eve,
you must place a bowl of porridge in the barn.
Porridge?
Yes, it's a food.
Porridge. You make it out of different grains.
Oat, wheat, corn, rice.
And you cook it in milk and water. Porridge.
I'm surprised you don't know what porridge is.
- I know what porridge is. - Yeah, now you do.
Because I explained it to you.
Anyway, so on Christmas Eve,
you make a bowl of rice porridge.
- Okay? - Okay.
And you put cinnamon on top of it and a bit of butter in the middle.
- Mm-hm. - And you place it out in the barn.
- Okay. - Okay? You see, this is an ancient ritual.
A sacred peace offering between humans and elves.
- Would this make the elf happy? - Absolutely.
As long as the elf gets his porridge, all will be well.
- Okay. - Good.
And now you also know what porridge is. That's a bonus.
Call the police.
Okay. Be careful.
Uh-huh.
What the heck?
Huh?
Ow!
Bill?
Bill.
Okay.
Okay. Okay.
Hello?
Huh?
Mom?
Oh, my God.
Wow. That's some party you've had here...
that would be nice to have been invited to.
I'm just kidding.
But it's, uh, easy to go a bit overboard with the alcohol during Christmas times.
- I've been there. We've all been there. - Sure.
We're sober.
Mm-hm.
Are you actually gonna do some police work this time?
You know, it could be a fox.
- A fox? - Yes.
If the window was open and you had a lot of food around,
- it could be. - In the house?
You have Fox News, don't you?
Or it could have been the ghost.
Oh, I'm sorry. I shouldn't be joking about that.
- Yes. - I'm so sorry.
Thank you for your time. We'll keep all the windows closed.
Do that, okay? And have a peaceful Christmas.
Go easy on the booze because of the kids and... Yeah.
You know, all that.
- Absolutely. Merry Christmas. - Merry Christmas.
- And don't drink and drive! - Okay.
Thank you.
A fox, huh? That puts my mind at rest. How about you?
- Bill? - Yeah?
Why do people think the barn is haunted?
Lutefisk.
You told me your uncle died after a fall.
Is that true?
Yeah. Yes.
What happened?
Okay.
According to the police report,
- Mm-hm. - he was on the second floor of the barn,
- Mm-hm. - and he fell out of a window.
And accidentally caught himself on fire.
What?
He was trying to burn the barn down, they think.
Why would he want to burn down the barn?
I don't know.
He was old and senile.
They don't have therapy here.
Why didn't you tell me?
I was a little worried about how you'd react.
Look, it's nothing to get worked up over. It was just a bizarre accident.
All I know is that it's been one thing after another ever since we got here.
You can't be saying that you think my uncle is haunting us?
- We should never have come here. - Calm down.
- Don't get worked up over nothing. - Nothing?
I gave up everything to be here.
My friends, my career.
I am worried about the children, Bill.
Hey, they're fine.
I know they'll adapt.
I'm their father.
Right. And I'm just the evil stepmom.
That's not-- Those aren't my words.
I didn't mean it that way.
Carol.
Ugh. What is that smell?
Dinner is served.
Here we are. For you, ladies.
Uh...
- Okay. - What the fuck is that?
Language.
It is lutefisk.
It is a traditional Norwegian holiday dish.
It's stockfish aged in lye for many days.
That's why the odor is so delicious and abundant. Hm?
Old fish Jell-O?
No. I mean...
Uh, no, I'm not touching that. That's not...
Not happening.
It's okay. We can enjoy it without her.
It's okay.
- Don't read at the table. - Or what?
What more could you possibly do to punish me?
It's okay.
Everybody dig in.
Hm? Give it a try.
You don't know till you try.
Hm?
What's that...?
Good, huh, buddy?
Ooh.
Boy, just living the Norwegian dream, huh?
This is not a dream.
This is hell, frozen over.
Okay, not in front of the kids.
Aw.
What happened to Happy Vision?
Yeah, Happy--
She still has Happy Vision. Happy Vision is for everyone. We all...
Fuck Happy Vision!
Fuck Happy Vision. Fuck this stupid house. Fuck this stupid country. Fuck it all!
Mm-hm! Hm.
Mmm.
Mmm. Mmm.
What are you doing?
Hm?
- I was hungry. - That was for the barn elf.
Whoops.
Well, he would have loved it.
It was delicious.
That's all the porridge we had.
That was our only chance at having peace with the elf.
Yes, of course. Yeah. Uh-huh.
Buddy, we'll just have to make peace with the elf another way.
Okay?
I brought you something.
It isn't exactly porridge, but it's something special.
It's lutefisk.
It's really, really yummy.
Enjoy.
Hm. Hm...
Hm.
Hyah! Whoa. Oh...
Whoa!
Ow.
Lucas?
Let the show begin.
Ho-ho-ho!
Where are you going?
Don't you want to go inside and open some presents?
Lucas, don't be afraid.
It's just Santa Claus.
Ho-ho-ho.
Ah! Lucas, there you are.
Come inside.
Oh!
What are you doing? Let's go inside. It's freezing out here.
Come on, let's go inside and open some presents.
Oh, my God.
Oh... huh?
Where is he? Santa should have been here by now.
Just gonna get some fresh air.
Huh.
Raymond?
We have to go.
- Now. - What happened?
Just get up.
We have to go now. Let's go!
- What happened? - Get in the car!
- Go, go, go! - Go! Go!
- Go, go, go! Get in the car! - Okay!
- Bill, what is going on? - It's not turning over.
No, what is going on? What's happening?
Raymond. I saw Raymond. He was just there.
- He was... - Okay.
He was there, and he was--
- Use your words! - I'm--
What is that?
What? Oh, no.
Drive! Drive! Go!
What the hell is that?!
It's the elf!
Do something!
The car won't turn on!
Turn on the headlights!
- Turn on the lights. - Yeah.
Run back to the house.
- Go, kids, go. - As fast as you can.
- Let's go. - Yeah.
- Okay. We gotta call the cops. - Yeah.
Lucas was telling the truth.
It's an elf.
Maybe it's a child who ran away from home, headed to a Nordic death metal festival.
It has a beard, Bill.
This isn't a fully flushed-out theory.
Hm?
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God!
Come on, get up. We've gotta go now.
- Let's go. Let's go this way. - We've gotta go. Come on.
Leave us alone!
They don't speak English, honey. They're Norwegian.
I got it.
Do you want snow shovel up to your ass?
Huh?
Honey, I don't think that worked.
Nope.
Stay away, stay away! Stay back!
You little mother--
Oh, God!
Help!
Lucas!
I'm sorry about the porridge.
Please don't kill me.
You remember this?
We'll follow the rules, I promise.
Whoa.
Let's go!
Nora, Lucas!
I can't hold them much longer!
Keep them out!
No, no, no!
Get back!
- Calm down. - I'm so glad you're here.
- Oh, yeah. Thank you. - It's okay.
If you could calm down a little bit now, just...
Okay, let's all calm down.
- Yes. - Yeah.
- What's going on here? - We are under attack.
- You have to call for backup right now. - Okay.
Uh, the nearest police station is quite a bit far away.
It's like two hours. Maybe more now in this weather.
- But who's attacking you? - Elves.
Little elves with big, long beards and pointy red hats.
- Nisser? - Very angry.
- You're talking about nisser? - Nisser?
- Oh, yes, yes. The nisser, yes, yes! - Oh, okay.
- Yeah, exactly. Angry. - Yeah.
- Very angry. - Kids?
- Okay, listen to me, okay? - Yeah.
Nisser doesn't exist. They're only in fairy tales, okay?
- So you can just relax. - What? They were here!
I mean, it's a good prank, okay?
- But you're drunk-- - Where's your gun?
I don't have a gun.
- What? - What?!
This is not America, okay?
We don't run around, shoot people in their faces and knees all the time.
- You're not armed? - I'm armed.
Yes, I have a gun at the scooter.
- Go get it. Go get it. - Yeah. Now.
Calm down, you crazy Americans. It's Christmas Eve.
I have a pork belly in the oven, and I'm watching Love Actually.
I'm at the point where the guy is outside with the signs, you know?
And I love that part, so I just wanna go home now.
But what the heck?
Hey! Get off!
Hey, stop!
No, no, no!
Stop! No!
- Let's go. Come on, kids! - Go, go, go! Get in.
Huh?
Ah...
Oh, God.
Oh, no.
- Is this all right? - Oh, God.
- Lucas, come here, son. - Yes.
- I need you to do something for me, okay? - Okay.
I was bitten.
So when I start to change,
you have to kill me.
- What? - You're almost a man now. You can do this.
Oh, no, no, no. My phone's out of battery.
- You have to kill me. - Bill?
- I can't become one of them. - Bill.
They're not zombies. That's not how it works.
You won't turn into one of them.
- Bill! - Huh?
Where's your phone?
It's charging downstairs.
What about yours?
You guys took it, remember?
What are they doing down there?
I don't know, but it sounds like they're having a ball.
I'm so sorry.
This is all my fault.
After your mom died...
all that you went through...
I promised myself I would never let anything bad happen to you again.
And I thought moving here was the answer.
But I was wrong.
Oh, God, I was wrong.
- It's okay, Dad. - Yeah, it is okay.
It's not okay. I screw up!
I screw up, that's what I do.
♪ Santa Claus is coming ♪
♪ Santa Claus is coming... ♪
You know, it's not that bad.
I mean, we've had worse Christmases.
Okay, the first Christmas?
When we got stuck at JFK?
Yeah, and we ate McDonald's and got food poisoning.
Exactly.
We took over the lavatory.
We just kept swapping out, each one of us going in.
No one else in the whole airplane got to use the bathroom.
Yeah. And you threw up in my hair.
- Twice. - Yeah.
What about last Christmas,
when Grandma brought her new lover, Stefan?
- Oh, God. - Stefan.
They could not keep their hands off each other, huh?
- At least you guys didn't walk in on them. - Yes, I did.
Oh, no. You walked in on them too?
Yeah, twice.
♪ Come take me away ♪
Okay, we have to get help.
The guy at the museum lives on the other side of the road.
You know, I don't know if I can go anywhere.
Well, Raymond's kick-sled is out front.
I think it's all downhill from here. I can make it.
- I'll come with you. - Okay.
Let's go, Dad.
- Be careful. - Okay.
- Good luck. - Okay.
Whoa!
Ow.
Go, go, go.
Go.
They saw us. Let's go!
- Dad, faster! - Go, go, go!
Come on, Dad. Faster!
- Run, run, run! Faster! - Go, Dad! Go!
Okay, we need to be prepared in case they come for us.
Any ideas?
Fire seemed pretty effective.
Do you have anything flammable in your room?
I might have a bottle of moonshine.
We need to have a talk about that later. But perfect.
They have saw blades?
Oh!
Here they come.
Pick up the pace!
- I think we lost them. - Yeah.
- There you go. - Okay.
Hm?
Shit.
- Hey, these things are pretty fun. - Yeah.
Yeah!
Oh, no, no, no! We definitely didn't lose them.
Oh, God, you're right.
Brake, brake! Brake!
It's back for revenge!
- Okay? - Yeah.
- Is that a house? - I think so.
Come on.
I'm so sorry.
For what?
I know you've never accepted me as your mother.
And that you hate me.
And that's okay. I just...
You know, I just wish...
Carol, I don't hate you.
I'm 16.
You know, I'm a teenager. That's what teenagers do.
We torture our parents.
It actually just means that I've accepted you a long time ago.
Oh.
Oh, okay.
Well, as your mother,
I just wanna say you can be a real bitch sometimes.
Fair enough.
Stay back. Stay back, stay back.
Be careful, be careful.
Be careful, Carol. Be careful!
Run, run! Get help!
- You sure? - Yes! Get your coat. Go!
I'm right behind you, honey. Go!
Okay.
Nice elves.
Stay.
Get back! Get back! Get back, you little--
Oh, my God.
Stay back!
Mom!
Think happy thoughts.
Ah!
Oh, thank God.
We need your help.
Okay. What happened?
- Angry elves. - Yes.
- Uh... [chuckles] Elves? - They're real. They're trying to kill us.
Carol and Nora are still there. We have to save them.
Uh...
Do you think you could wait to answer your Christmas calls until later?
But it's you.
- May I? - Look.
You are here, so...
- Hello? - They took her.
- Bill, they took Nora! - What?
- I don't know where she is. - Oh, no.
- I can't find her. - Oh, Jesus.
I'm sorry.
Uh...
Carol? Shit!
She's gonna be okay, bud. She's gonna be okay, buddy.
- Uh, call the policewoman right now. - She's dead.
The sheriff is dead. We watched her die.
- Uh... what? - Do you have a gun?
Do you have a gun?
No, no, no. I don't have any guns.
- Why doesn't anyone here have guns? - Because this isn't America.
We don't go around and shoot each other in the face.
You see, in Norway, we believe in dialogue,
hearing each other, "What do you want?" "What do I want?"
"Let's meet at the middle." Finding solutions.
Like the Oslo Agreement. Have you ever heard of the Oslo Agreement?
No.
We negotiated peace between Israel and the Palestinian people.
- Sir-- - And, uh, it didn't last, but--
Okay! Thank you for the information.
Do you have a car? We need it.
Yes, I have.
Will you drive us to save my wife and daughter, please?
Absolutely.
Great. Let's go.
I will just go and get the keys in the kitchen.
Thank you.
And I need to put on some winter clothes. It's, uh--
- Will you please hurry up? - Yes.
Go faster, please.
Yes, but I have to take it a little bit slowly...
because it's not legal to drink and drive here in Norway.
And I have drunken two liters of alcohol already.
Be quiet. They could be anywhere.
What the motherfucker?
Oi.
They're real.
They definitely are.
What on earth did you do to make them so mad?
We broke all the rules.
What? All of them?
Yep.
Oi, oi, oi, oi.
Oh...
Oi, oi, oi, oi.
Okay. Okay, let's go.
You think Mom and Nora are down there?
Shit.
- Okay, careful, buddy. - Okay.
I'm not surprised.
For hundreds of years, humans and elves have been friends.
We fed them, they helped us.
I can only imagine their frustration.
Poor elves.
Whose side are you on?
What do you mean, "sides"?
When negotiating a peace, it's important to understand both sides.
Raymond is dead, the sheriff is dead.
- There's no peace. - So, what's the alternative?
We kill them, they kill us, until there's no one left?
This isn't Detroit, Bill.
- Have you ever heard of Mother Teresa? - Okay, shut up.
- Oh, my God. - Mom!
- Nora! - Lucas!
Mom!
Honey.
Oh, my God, you're alive.
- Oh, sweetie. - Untie us.
I'm trying, I'm trying.
- Oh, my God. - Oh, no, no.
What, they have guns now? What...?
My name is... Tor Åge.
My name is Tor Åge.
I think if we can sit down...
and talk to each other,
we can find a solution...
that fits both sides.
Have you heard about the Oslo Agreement?
It's a peace agreement between Israel--
- Oh, my God! Oh, my God! - No!
- Bill! - I'm trying.
Try harder!
I'm trying as hard as I can!
- What are you doing? - Mom, Dad! He's a friend!
Come on, come on, come on! Let's go, let's go, let's go!
Motherfuck--
Hurry!
Why does he have the only gun in Norway?
Uh...
No, no. Oh, no.
Oh, my God.
Okay. It's okay.
Stay back! Stay back!
Up the ladder. Quick!
Stay back!
- Hurry up! - I'm coming, I'm coming.
Let's go! Let's go!
Come on, Dad.
Nora, what are you doing?
- Guys, come on. Let's go! - Come on!
I got this.
We got this. You go.
Go!
Okay.
Merry Christmas, you little fuckers.
- Oh, shit. - Let's go!
- You did it! - Yeah.
- Are you okay? Oh, God. - You all right?
Oh, thank God.
There goes the happy barn.
Yeah. Well...
Hey, guys!
I'm fine.
No, no, no. No danger.
These guys won't harm you. They want peace.
Yes, I knew it.
All it took was a little bit of dialogue, a little bit of mutual understanding,
and we came to a peaceful agreement.
Right, guys?
We had a long, friendly chat--
Ow!
So why are you burning down the barn?
It was either us or them, so...
Poor little guy.
He's lost his home now, so...
where's he supposed to go?
Can he live with us?
Honey, he can't stay here.
We'd just piss him off again.
Yeah, sorry, buddy. Your mom's right.
Huh?
What?
So here we are.
Welcome to my museum.
As you see, really old-fashioned, simple houses with no electricity.
And absolutely no visitors.
So peaceful and quiet. It's perfect for an elf.
And you're an elf.
I'll see you around... friend.
Mm-hm.
You have to promise me you'll take good care of him.
It will be an honor.
Like 20 minutes ago, we were all trying to kill each other,
but sure, let's all be friends now.
- Fuck me. - Oh!
- Look. - What?
What the hell?
Wow!
It's happening. It's happening. I love it here.
When all is said and done...
this was a pretty good Christmas.
- Are you kidding? - It was a nightmare, Dad.
People died.
Yes, I know, sure.
But look at us, huh?
As a family, we all bonded.
That's priceless.
- ♪ Christmas ♪ - ♪ The snow's coming down ♪
- ♪ Christmas ♪ - ♪ I'm watching it fall ♪
- ♪ Christmas ♪ - ♪ Lots of people around ♪
- ♪ Christmas ♪ - ♪ Baby, please come home ♪
- ♪ Christmas ♪ - ♪ The church bells in town ♪
- ♪ Christmas ♪ - ♪ All ringing in song ♪
- ♪ Christmas ♪ - ♪ Full of happy sounds ♪
- ♪ Christmas ♪ - ♪ Baby, please come home ♪
♪ They're singing "Deck the Halls" ♪
♪ But it's not like Christmas at all ♪
♪ 'Cause I remember when you were here ♪
♪ And all the fun we had last year ♪
- ♪ Christmas ♪ - ♪ Pretty lights on the tree ♪
- ♪ Christmas ♪ - ♪ I'm watching them shine ♪
- ♪ Christmas ♪ - ♪ You should be here with me ♪
- ♪ Christmas ♪ - ♪ Baby, please come home ♪
♪ They're singing "Deck the Halls" ♪
♪ But it's not like Christmas at all ♪
♪ 'Cause I remember when you were here ♪
♪ And all the fun we had last year ♪
- ♪ Christmas ♪ - ♪ If there was a way ♪
- ♪ Christmas ♪ - ♪ I'd hold back this tear ♪
- ♪ Christmas ♪ - ♪ But it's Christmas day ♪
- ♪ Please, Please ♪ - ♪ Please, Please ♪
- ♪ Please, please, please, please ♪ - ♪ Please, please, please, please ♪
- ♪ Please, please ♪ - ♪ Baby, please come home ♪
- ♪ Christmas ♪ - ♪ Baby, please come home ♪
- ♪ Christmas ♪ - ♪ Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
- ♪ Christmas ♪ - ♪ Oh, please, baby ♪
- ♪ Christmas ♪ - ♪ Please come home ♪
♪ Christmas ♪
♪ There's snow on the road And it's icy cold ♪
♪ I can't wait to see your face As soon as I get home ♪
♪ Got the car fully packed Filled with presents, in fact ♪
♪ Got a tree on the roof Driving giddy, like a ten-year-old ♪
- ♪ But then bang ♪ - ♪ Bang ♪
- ♪ Bang ♪
♪ Bang, I hear something Oh, damn ♪
♪ Oh, dear, oh, dear What's in my rearview mirror? ♪
♪ A moose or a deer? Oh! ♪
♪ I think I killed Rudolph This Christmas ♪
♪ Ice on the road Blood on the snow ♪
♪ Think that I killed Rudolph This Christmas ♪
♪ I saw the nose Red and it glows ♪
♪ Head, it explodes Dead on my hood ♪
♪ This ain't good I'm sorry, dear Santa ♪
♪ I think I killed Rudolph This Christmas ♪
♪ I hope you can still find your way ♪
- ♪ Bang ♪ - ♪ Bang ♪
♪ Bang, I hear something Oh, damn-- ♪