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"Better to be king for a night than a schmuck for a lifetime."
From the movie The King of Comedy.
What if your passions determined your life?
If you were passionate enough,
like in your favorite movie,
that you could fall in love with a stranger just by seeing their photo.
If you fall in love deeply enough, you could have a life like in the movies.
But instead of a rom-com, it could be a horror movie.
Surprise!
-Who are you? -Who is he?
I better tell you the story from the beginning.
TOO MUCH LOVE
I sent the kid to buy a family movie, and you gave him The Valley of the Wolves.
Who's the lead in The Valley of the Wolves?
Necati Şaşmaz.
Who wrote it? Raci Şaşmaz. Who directed it? Zübeyir Şaşmaz.
It's a family movie. Şaşmaz family.
-For God's sake! -Enjoy!
It's illegal to sell pirated movies.
You should be nice to people. You never sell what they want.
They'll report us one day.
Selling pirated stuff, you can't please everyone.
A guy bought a Nuri Bilge Ceylan movie. Complained that the DVD freezes.
That's the pace of his movies! What can I do about that?
Coşkun, I have two degrees.
If I get caught, it'll ruin my record and me!
This is the job you got for us?
I get to see a lot of movies and get to know the industry.
And there are no cops here. Chill.
That's what you think, my naive brother. Look, those are definitely cops.
That one pretends to sell simit. And that one is a fake teacher.
Wait. A teacher, at this hour?
He's unemployed. Makes it more believable.
Take your diplomas, fuck off and go home.
For God's sake.
-We've got DVDs. -Keep an eye on this. I'll be back.
Coşkun, where are you going, man?
As soon as I saw her, I knew I was going to marry her.
She was such a lady.
Here you go.
So, got a good look inside out? Do I have any cysts?
Excuse me?
You're lucky you're a kid. I'd kick your ass otherwise.
A kid?
-Ayla, is he bothering you? -No, Dad. He's a kid anyway. Let's go.
Wait! Stop!
Look at him make a run with that gigantic ass of his.
-Odd or even? -Get the fuck off!
What the heck? Asshole.
-You came here? It's worse than prison. -You crazy? We live here!
This is not living. This is surviving.
Look how smug he is.
No! Don't!
Told you not to smoke at home!
You saw the girl? Wasn't she great?
What are we gonna do now? We can't go back there again.
-Cops know where we work. -I need to meet her.
Coşkun, won't you ever make me proud?
-Bro? -Yes?
-I need to meet her. -Stay away from that girl.
That girl? You know her?
Ayla, daughter of an army officer. Works at a stunt agency.
And she's older than you. Don't get us into trouble, please.
-Which agency was it? -Coşkun, didn't you hear what I said?
Her father is a retired army officer. He's a soldier. A soldier!
So? I'm not planning to invade any land.
You already got us into this piracy thing. We've spent all our money on this.
Bro, please tell me more about Ayla.
Oh, my good-willed nature! Oh, my bleeding heart!
Why do I always fall for your shenanigans?
Fine, just the name of the agency. I'll handle the rest.
Fuck your cigarettes and your movies!
We have 5,000 movies at home, but we have no food, you mutt!
You never value my ideas.
Why do you always vilify my girlfriends?
Why don't you want me to have a relationship?
I am your wife! We are lawfully wedded! Why would I support your girlfriends?
You've gone insane. You've lost it. God damn you!
-Calm down! -Move! Don't stand in my way!
Don't I deserve to have a happy home in this lifetime?
I want to become a father too!
Dad, you're our father already. Mine and Coşkun's.
But I didn't do a good job raising you two.
You didn't raise us. We raised ourselves.
See, you always take your mother's side!
Have some respect for love. Have some respect for love, you fuckers!
-Is he still talking? You jerk! -Respect, you assholes!
Coşkun, you take care of Mom. I'll follow Dad.
-Bro, which agency does Ayla work at? -Enough with Ayla!
Dad!
I always get looked over because I have no pull.
Charlie! I auditioned for that too.
I deserved that role, but the monkey got it.
-The monkey had pull? -Yes, the producer was a Darwinist.
-Believe me-- -Oh! What a coincidence!
-Perv. What are you doing here? -I'm an aspiring comic/actor/writer.
-Came to apply for a job. You work here? -Yes, but this is a stunt agency.
We only have daily, temporary gigs. It's not acting. It's labor.
-You okay with that? -Sure. I gotta start somewhere, right?
-You like movies? -Yeah, I have 5,000 movies at home.
Yes, sir? Okay.
What do you need? Turn around.
Yes.
Okay, I'll let you know.
-Congratulations. You'll be a hero. -A hero? Which hero?
Guys, are you still not ready? Hurry up. The director is waiting.
Which hero am I?
Can't you see? You're Tanjuhan and this is the wolf.
-I'm totally okay with this. -Come on. Hurry up.
Fuck off, man!
What the hell? My ass shows when I kick.
Wow, the skirt looks good on you.
Ayla, you're checking me out. It's disturbing. Feels like harassment.
Now you see how I felt?
Go downstairs. The shoot is gonna start. Go.
God, what kind of test is this?
You mutt!
Hit harder for realism.
Take this!
For fuck's sake! My parents didn't beat me this hard.
Cut!
What are you doing? Tanjuhan doesn't swear!
This is set in Central Asia. He hits me Ottoman style.
Take a lunch break.
It's time for a lunch break!
Pass some ointment to the actor.
It's my right cheek.
Hope it didn't hurt too much.
-Hi, Ali. -Welcome.
-Two meatball sandwiches. -Sure.
-Ayla, let me. -No, you're younger.
-By three years, eight months, four days. -Oh, you've done your research!
Found out my age.
Extra pickles, please.
Go sit over there.
So?
What else does our comic/actor/writer do?
I already have a plan.
I'll become a famous comic. Then I'll make movies.
You'll be in them, of course. I wouldn't have it otherwise.
How do you know that's what I want?
Maybe I just wanna get married, have kids, and become a housewife?
I haven't even watched a single movie all my life.
I do this for the money.
-Having a family is what matters to me. -Okay, no problem.
I become a famous comic, make movies, marry you,
you bring the kids to the premiere.
-Love can make you do anything. -But you love way too many things.
Ayla, food is ready!
Come on, guys!
Mom? What are you doing? Huh?
She keeps watching movies so our money doesn't go down the drain.
I'll take care of it. Let it go.
-She's dead. -Look at you. You're just like Dad.
Watch your mouth! You are just like Dad!
You're acting just like him.
Chasing dreams even though you're broke,
pushing the family down a cliff,
then jumping off elsewhere as we all fall.
You failed the civil servant exam three times!
I passed the exam. They failed me during interviews.
What can I do?
They fail you because you're annoying like Dad.
You're just like him!
-You're just like him! -No, you!
You bitches! Bitches!
What are you fighting about? Huh?
-About who is more like you, Dad. -Okay, continue.
-You're basically his copy. I'm not. -Look how similar you act.
You always act like that.
Shush, listen to me.
As my biological sons, both of you are 90% me.
It's a scientific fact.
I've had enough. I'm gonna move out.
I'll change my surname. I'll relinquish my genes.
Let me get that homemade raki. Got it from Antakya. A good one.
-Did you go to the employment agency? -Yeah, I did.
But it said "No Business, No Entry" at the door.
So I came back.
Can I put this up? My son has been missing for a week.
Mom? What are you doing here?
-God damn you! -But, Mom…
-God damn you! We're going! -Mom!
Go.
CIVIL SERVANT EXAM RESULTS
I got 97! Sorry.
I scored 97.
Man, can you check my results too?
Of course, man.
After waiting for so long, you must be excited to find out.
Of course, man.
-Oh, no… -What?
You got 50.
-Fifty? -You didn't prepare?
But I memorized all the answers before the exam.
Must have marked them wrong.
My uncle always says I'm either a genius or an idiot.
How did you even get a hold of the questions?
You know, my uncle…
This is acting? He fucks everyone in the palace.
We get beaten, he has sex. Why not use a stunt double here?
-Fuck off! -Cut!
Keep the costumes. Bring them with you tomorrow.
What? Wanna fuck us too?
-Ayla! -One second.
Guys, this is important…
Hi, you're an actor too?
I'm a musician, you ignorant jerk. Leave me alone.
-Ayla! -Wait a second, Coşkun.
Infinity, come here.
That's ridiculous!
Why are you always here?
The agency will handle that. You guys can get on the shuttles.
-Where is that dude? "Inskinity?" -Infinity.
He's not a bad guy. He's pretty cool.
-You're from the same neighborhood. -Infinity and I?
-Yeah. -No way.
He's Carpenter İhsan's son.
-Ayla? -He's İhsan's son?
-You hear me? -Yeah?
-Ayla, you got the casting lists? -Yeah? I have them. Yeah.
-Okay. -Gotta go. Leave the kid alone.
Don't worry. I'm not gonna beat up a baby musician.
Where did Ayla go?
You're Coşku, right?
-What's the name of your band? -Gravekeepers.
Your debut is a funeral call then?
You wouldn't understand, ignorant jerk. Our music is universal.
Isn't your name Mahmut? You live in Esenler, don't you?
-What universe are you talking about? -None of your business.
We play black metal. But you wouldn't know, you hick.
Your father is a religious man.
Black metal? Are you an infidel, huh?
A heathen? Or are you an atheist?
Listen, stop provoking me. Shut up for your own sake.
I know a bunch of folk singers who sing "You Left Me Behind."
Got it? I'll call them.
"You Left Me…" Where did that come from?
It's a Black Sea folk song. They're from there. They'll kick your ass.
-You're lucky you know Ayla. -It's you who are lucky you know her.
The worst you can do to me is to play music.
Hey!
What the hell?
Shit!
Stop!
-What's up, queen? -He's after me. Gonna kick my ass.
Stay back. We'll show that homophobe what's what.
Speak out! Shout loud! Queers are here and proud!
-What is that? -My set costume. I'll take it back.
God, help me.
Are you hungry? Want some food?
Nah, Mom. There was food on set.
As if you're a guest star? So nice of them.
That 97 got to your head. We'll see if you'll get employed.
At least I do an honest job. I don't expose my ass like you do.
Watch up for the wind.
-What part did you play? -Hero, Dad. I played the hero part.
What hero wears this costume? Gayman?
Such a sexist joke. You homophobe. Such a masculine language you use.
When did you become so LGBT-sensitive? You lowbrow. How is school going?
Dad! Ask your son how his studies are going.
-Ask him… -Shut it, I've already…
-Let go! -Come on! What are you…
Dad!
Where's Dad?
Do we even have one?
Mom!
You smoke now?
-You know the rules. -Please don't bring up school again.
Rule number one, you do not talk about Fight Club.
Rule number two, you do not talk about Fight Club.
Mom, what? -Rule number three.
If someone says "stop" or goes limp, taps out, the fight is over.
-How many did you watch? -It's not about that!
-You're quoting Fight Club for advice. -Give me that.
Listen, I didn't wanna say anything in front of your brother,
but you've given up on school and your classes.
You keep talking about comedy.
I'm worried you'll become your dad.
You think if I don't go to college, I'll be like him?
You guys are driving me insane! Insane!
-Where are the movies? -You know the rules.
Here.
Damn, man!
"I'm leaving you to follow my dreams. Farewell to you all."
God, please help me keep my sanity.
I'm gonna have a heart attack.
Mom, I'm here. I didn't leave.
-Why would you leave? -I'm here.
What? It's your father who left.
He says we stand in the way of his dreams.
That goddamn man! To hell with his dreams!
Oh, come on! No fucking way! God damn you, Dad!
Calm down. Why are you so mad? He did no good around here anyway.
Good riddance.
I was the one who wrote this letter. He stole my letter!
He even signed it "Özkan."
-This is just like him. -Having fun, huh?
'Cause I need to move out and get student accommodation.
And someone needs to take care of Mom. It's good you stopped going to school.
-Mom-- -You selfish jerk!
Mom, could you get us some tea?
Sure, laugh.
My brother is moving out. I'm stuck here. Gotta take care of Mom.
What do you mean he stole your letter?
That's ridiculous. Sorry, but it is!
Ayla, I just gave you 5,000 movies. Cut me some slack.
My little prince, the shoot is almost over.
And we're moving away.
How are you gonna see your crush now?
Have you given up already?
I thought you were in love. Weren't you? Huh?
No, we'll be at the same college.
Doubt you can get in.
I promise you. We'll be at the same college.
You're so bad!
What are you doing? Keep working.
For God's sake.
No, thanks.
You're such a pig!
With garlic sausage.
I tried everything to get her to hug me. I took her places.
We even went to a horror movie, but she wouldn't get scared.
-Don't you think it's very eerie here? -Nah.
-Is someone you know buried here? -No, but you can hug me if you're scared.
-No, I'm not scared. -Ayla, are you gonna take it to the grave?
-It was a joke! -Jerk!
I swear, it was just a joke.
-What a joke! -Ayla! It was a joke!
-Aw. -Ayla, what are you doing?
Don't you see? He's blind and disabled.
Yeah, but you're studying full-time. I have a job. Let me do it.
Here you go.
Thank you. You're the first to help me today.
-What happened to your voice? -I lost my parents in a fire.
My throat got burned too. This is as loud as I can go.
Coşkun…
-Here you go. -Thank you.
Could you buy me a loaf of bread? I haven't had anything today.
No need for a drink.
-So you don't see anything at all? -No, I don't.
But if I eat a bit, it might warm me up.
Coşkun, give him more.
God bless you.
You're such a nice person. You did such a good deed.
He's blind, disabled, and an orphan. I was obliged to help him out.
Bye!
Keep your big-ass nose out of my money!
-Whoa! Weren't you blind? -What is it to you, huh?
I gave all my money to you because she wanted me to.
I don't have bus fare. Give me ten liras back.
I don't give a shit. Go get a job and earn money.
You parasite. Wanna be fed with a silver spoon?
You're not one to talk, you beggar.
This is my final warning. Go!
I don't have bus fare. You've got all my money.
How is that my problem?
-You merciless man! -Beat it!
-Hey! -See, now you can't do anything.
I wasn't gonna, but you asked for it.
Dude, you'll end up getting a beating and put me in trouble.
-Whoa! -You wanna get a beating, huh?
-Mom! Dad! -What's going on?
He stole my money! Get him!
-Stop, you thief! -Get him!
You thief! Stop!
Give me my money.
-Did you see someone go this way? -I didn't.
Wait, Dad. He's getting away!
Now I'm the beggar, for fuck's sake.
Police! Open the door!
Coşkun! Get up. They're knocking at the door.
-Police! Open it! -It's the police. Get up!
-Is there a beggar with them? -What? No. Get up!
-Yes, officer? -Is Özkan Taşçı here?
He's registered here. He dodged his draft.
He isn't here. He left months ago.
To hell with him, that jerk.
-And who are you? -His son.
Can I see some ID?
Here.
Get his record checked.
-What's your occupation? -Showbiz.
-Showbiz? -Yes.
You dodged your draft too. You need to come with us.
God damn you, Dad.
Excuse me. You had an employee called Coşkun.
-Haven't seen him for a while. He left? -Why did you ask?
I'm a friend of his. I'm getting worried about him.
He got drafted. He's in Bingöl.
-Bingöl? -Yep.
-He never mentioned. -Are you Ayla by any chance?
Yes. How do you know my name?
Of course I know you. He kept talking about you.
He even named one of our toasted sandwiches after you.
-That's how crazy he was. -He really is insane!
Not insane, crazy in love.
Okay then. Thanks.
MY LIFE FOR MY COUNTRY
Dad… Goddamn you, Dad!
You're such a shit father, you fu--
-What did you say? -Nothing.
Listen, were you drafted short-term?
-I paid for partial exemption. -But how?
What? You've been here three months.
-I pay for it by putting up with you. -Oh, come on!
-What got you so mad this time? -Don't make me talk!
I'm wasting the energy I need to keep warm. Back off!
-Such an intense man. -Jerk.
Ayla!
Excuse me.
I'm Ayla, Coşkun's friend.
-You must be his mother. -Yeah?
I haven't been able to get a hold of Coşkun lately.
If he calls you, could you give him my number?
Of course, I'd love to. I'd be happy to do that.
My poor brave boy.
My valiant, dear boy.
He's been drafted, you know. He's guarding the borders.
Oh, my son…
Thank you.
-We miss you, you useless shit. -Thanks, bro.
-Did you see Ayla? -Dad is back.
Though Mom hasn't fully let him back yet.
-He said to say hi. -Fuck Dad. Tell me about Ayla.
I failed the interview. Again.
Mom says I should take the exam again,
but I don't have the heart or patience anymore.
I share your pain, but I don't care.
Mom forced me to come. I can go.
I dislike him more than you. Don't wanna talk about him either.
I already know he's back.
He wrote saying he needs meds. I sent him money.
-Is that what he said? -Yes.
It's for his ding-dong. He got pills to increase performance.
So he made you pay for it? Wow, Dad.
-Wish we could abandon him at a mosque. -I wish, bro. I wish.
Is that why I fail the exam? 'Cause they check who your father is?
Then you'd have failed the university exam too.
Yeah, you're right.
Ayla stopped by it seems. She said to tell you hi.
Told Mom she misses you.
You sat on this all this time and talked about Dad instead? Jerk!
Watch your mouth! I'm your brother. Why do you insult me?
-She left her number. -And?
-And what? -The number!
-I lost it on the way. -I'll shoot you.
Then I won't come visit. You'll be alone.
I hope they extend your service to five years.
What good does it do when you visit? You ate all the dolma.
-Fuck off! You unemployed civil servant. -Hope I never see you again, idiot!
Get out. I'm a public servant. Touch me and you'll get ten years.
-You idiot. -Fuck this!
DOLLAR: 2.0 TL HOPE: 25
ENTHUSIASM: 999
Ayla!
Excuse me? Have we met? Who are you? What's with the buddy act after two years?
Ayla, I swear, I lost track of you.
My brother İrfan lost your number.
I nearly shot the fool!
You're not on social media. I couldn't reach you.
Coşkun, stop! You used to be an honest man.
My brother's not all there in the head.
The guy's officially diagnosed. An absolute idiot.
He failed the civil servant exam ten times.
-That should give you a clue. -Coşkun, shut up.
Seeing you smile like that, my military service is now over.
Oh, please, you asshole! I see you're better at flirting now.
-So? How did your military service go? -I longed for you.
-You've grown up, even got a mustache. -And you look younger.
Guess that closes the age gap between us.
Given you never listen to anyone,
I thought you'd lose your mind in the army.
I kept sane thinking of you.
Wrote jokes in my spare time. Picturing you laugh at them motivated me.
You're insane!
Ayla, let's go, love. Time to get off.
Altan. Coşkun.
Ayla, you forgot your bags!
Excuse me, I had some bags here. Did you see them?
I had two bags. I'd put them right here.
I had models in them. I'll fail my finals if they get broken.
No one saw it? No one? How about you?
No, but I can check around to help you.
Thank you so much, man.
Let me check over there.
Where would they go? I'm screwed!
Excuse me. One second.
Hey, were you able to find them?
-Not here. -God, save me!
I don't wanna serve mussels in a tavern!
-Mussels? -It's our family business.
-But I was gonna get another job. -Don't give up hope.
You check here, I'll go check there.
Thanks, man. You even got on your knees for me.
Thanks. You're such a good man.
My father is a cardiac patient. If I tell him, he'll die then and there.
I think the couple that just got off took your bags.
-What? Why would anyone do that? -People are crazy. He was the type.
Now I'll have to sell mussels!
Don't be so negative. Who knows? Maybe you won't have to.
-Take care. -Thanks. You too.
These are pretty funny. You've improved a lot. Well done.
Thanks. Let me take those back.
Why are you home? No job interview?
Everyone wants experience.
I don't get it.
They want experience to hire you. But you need to get hired for experience.
-Don't you have experience in anything? -Yeah, in unemployment.
I'm so good at it, I'm expecting a raise to my salary.
How did the exam go?
The Turkish section was easy, but the rest was hard.
Weren't all the questions in Turkish?
Coşkun…
You know you did the right thing, right? I mean it.
You ignored us and followed your dreams.
-Bro, let me ask you something. -Yes, bro?
-Are you gonna kill yourself? -Why? God forbid.
-'Cause you're praising me. -I regret it already, you idiot!
-Don't be upset. I take it back. -Ayla has a boyfriend.
Whoa! Really?
DOLLAR: 8.4 TL LOVE: 99999
HAPPINESS: 0
Sorry. Two beers, please.
-Is there a concert? -Don't know. Let's find out.
Come.
During my service, I found that horoscopes don't work.
I'm with 137 men at the private's club,
my horoscope says, "Your love life will gain momentum."
"Your compatibility with your partner will improve your work."
Which partner? And how is it gonna improve my work?
You gotta dedicate your life to art.
I lived among poor people for years just for this show.
With my family, I mean.
We have a very special guest here.
Normally, a comic's biggest dream is to be on the stage alone.
But sometimes, you meet such a person that makes you never want to be alone.
You wanna be with her. Especially if she broke up with that ass.
Did she break up with him? Did you?
I mean, we've…
-Yes. -She did!
Four years in comedy, and this is my first lucky break.
Welcome!
What did you want from me? Why did you kill my dreams?
I sell mussels because of you, you psycho!
What? I don't even know who you are.
I'm that innocent kid whose models you stole two years ago.
-You had your fun and forgot me. -Hey! Keep your distance, man.
-You ruined me! -Wait, what are you doing, man?
Calm down, man.
Are you a gang?
-Not a gang. We're a couple. -Not yet.
Right, not yet.
-Who was that man? -Long story.
I'd at least love to find out where he met me.
Give me that.
Ayla, let me ask you something.
How did you find me?
It was a coincidence. I was out with Şengül.
-No, I mean, how did you find my jokes? -I loved them.
But…
Whenever our paths cross, you have a different profession.
-Hope I don't see you tomorrow. -Why?
-I'm getting a bikini wax. -I don't do bush work.
You idiot!
I'm serious. You were in movies then. Now you're a comedian.
What is it that you want? Fame? You wanna be famous, huh?
It's not just fame that I want.
I just like making people laugh, no matter what medium I use.
-What if you get bored one day? -Of laughs?
Not as long as you laugh.
Easy now. Don't make me regret it.
I guess I got the wrong signal. I'll kiss you when you let me.
It hurts a lot, though. I took a punch, you know.
Ayla, when did you lose your mother?
I was pretty young.
Then my father married my step-mother, and then they got a divorce.
-Is that why you want kids so badly? -Is what why?
-'Cause you didn't have a mom? -I don't know. It could be.
Or maybe… because I love kids.
You can't love all the kids. Some of them are annoying.
Don't be ridiculous. All kids are sweet.
They might be a handful, but they're pure in heart.
They follow all their dreams,
they're way too enthusiastic, and they love unconditionally.
You're describing me.
I'm just like that. Admit it.
True. You are.
I hope our kids look like you.
-First, get your life in order. -I am on it!
I have an important meeting tomorrow with producer Çetin Doğan.
He's a very big producer, and he's dying to meet me.
You know…
You have such a unique face, Nergis.
Yasemin. My name is Yasemin.
-Excuse me. -Yes?
-Is Çetin Doğan here? -Right over there.
-Which movie did you wanna be in? -I don't wanna be in any movies.
I came for the bill three times. You keep changing the subject.
Listen, I pay all my debts, Yonca.
God, help me!
Sir, hi. I'm Coşkun. Remember me? The scriptwriter.
You asked for a script months ago, but didn't get back to me.
-And seeing you here… -Yeah. Yes.
Sorry, kid. I'm feeling a bit down.
-What's the problem? -My cousin keeps stealing my set workers.
-I thought your cousin was a contractor. -Yes, he is.
They took construction work. Seems the conditions are better.
This job is not for people who are after money.
If you want money, don't bother.
We do this out of love. We do this for art.
You're right.
This is a thankless job, really. It's such a shit industry.
You asked for four scripts and I wrote them…
-But you… -Wait. It's ringing. Hello?
Yes, get my yacht ready. I'm on my way.
See you.
Sir, how about my script?
Look, I found that script a bit too political.
How so? It's a summer show.
What was the title? Eggplant Jam?
Eggplant prices increased more than anything else.
Are you trying to imply something?
There's a movie called Fig Jam. Strawberry Smell, Cherry Season.
Eggplant was the only one left, so I used that.
See? There you go.
Shove that eggplant up your ass. Fucking hope-monger.
I'll call you.
Thanks, sir. I'll wait to hear from you.
Come on, hurry!
Okay! What's the hurry? Does she have another suitor?
She'll become a spinster by the time we get there.
Land, ahoy! We're here.
My feet hurt.
-You said it was one ride away. -Yeah, with a cab.
Okay, it's not that bad.
-In there. -God, please don't let anything go wrong.
I'm gonna ring the doorbell. Are we ready?
-How do I look? -Good.
-You have eye boogers. -Mom, eye boogers!
-Mom, get rid of that food. -It's for the way back.
-Mom, get rid of them. -Fine!
Something is missing.
-Salary, insurance, career? -Baklava!
-Dad is bringing that. -Tell me you don't mean our dad.
Why are we taking baklava? This is so Eastern.
If it were up to me, I'd get one of those cakes from Amsterdam.
Everyone would have a great time.
Let's go. We need to go upstairs first.
Mom, come on! Ayla is getting old.
Dad, what kind of nuts does it have in it?
-Are you gonna add salt to his coffee? -Of course.
Dude, the man is eyeing you real bad.
-He wants me to slip. -And where is the baklava?
I'll buy you some later. That's not why we're here.
Fine.
Mom!
-What? -Start talking.
How could she? She got jet-lagged traveling this far.
How are you, sir?
I'm fine. Thankfully.
How have you been since the last time Özkan?
I'm okay.
Dad was out of town for work. That's why Mom is asking how he's been.
-What do you do, sir? -I'm self-employed.
Thanks.
-What does your son do? -He's also self-employed.
It's Dad's profession after all.
Why aren't they serving the baklava?
Forget about the baklava! Are you insane, or what?
-And what do you do? -I'm a retired army officer.
Oh, I'm so glad to hear that!
-It's good that you quit. -Excuse me?
I mean, I'm against the concept of the army as a whole.
This militarist approach turns people into robots.
So the army is really not my thing.
I disagree, Commander. I enjoyed my service thoroughly.
So… Commander?
So…
It's obvious why we're here.
It seems our kids met and fell in love.
With God's blessing, we'd ask you to…
Aren't you supposed to do this part?
I mean, you know, the kids…
The kids met and fell in love. But I think they're rushing into marriage.
Right? They should live together for a while first.
'Cause sexual compatibility is important. They need to see if they're compatible.
-Excuse me? What compatibility? -Sexual compatibility.
Look, people get together to mate, and then they procreate.
Then we get these creatures we call kids.
If you're not sexually compatible, it's gonna be over after two kids.
For God's sake!
Look, our bodies are oblivious to whether we're compatible or not.
-Then we get horny, and like a fault-line… -Enough already!
What are you talking about? Is this how you do this?
-Dad… -I'm not your dad!
-I was talking to him. -His dad.
-Get out of my home! -I'm talking science.
-Fine, Dad. Wait. -Put those coffees down.
We came all this way for nothing?
-Are you hired actors or what? -Good day.
-Are you serious? -Stop yelling. We're leaving.
He fucked it up. But I'll be back. I'll fix it.
-Promise. -You promise?
Is this for real? What the hell?
You were gone all this time and you came back to ruin my life?
-You psycho! -Shut it.
-I won't let my son marry his daughter. -You have no son!
You're like a sperm donor, but you also fuck up our lives!
I won't be fake.
I won't take part in the hypocrisy of this world.
I'm a man of honor, okay? I'm a man of honor.
-Oh, Dad! -Why did you bring him along?
It's customary for the father to be there. I couldn't be the only man there.
Eat shit!
I think if I made a movie, a lot of people would watch it.
I have 300,000 followers. All organic.
-I think they'd all come see it. -Of course they would come. All of them.
-Mr. Coşkun is here, sir. -Hello.
What a surprise. What brings you here?
I have a new idea. It's great. I brought that.
That's good. Come, take a seat. What a coincidence.
I was just talking to our new star.
-She'll play the lead? -No, I'm a director.
Is that so?
Oh, well… I mean…
I really respect that, you know.
You're like a filmmaker too. You shoot videos every day, right?
-My new… -Wait a minute.
I have an idea for a feature length make-up video.
It's gonna be so original.
Great, our writer is here too. Isn't that amazing?
It's gonna be my script, right?
So, this is what we'll do.
I'll take care of your project personally.
You guys just brainstorm about this make-up video for a bit.
-Coşkun! -Sinan?
Wow, my dude.
-You haven't been around. -It's been a while.
Let me buy you some tea.
Yakup!
Dude, this is not smuggled tea. It doesn't suit a pirate like you.
Those were the days, huh?
Yeah, it did feed us.
We can't sell pirated movies anymore.
No one respects the work we do anymore.
They buy the movie from you, then post it on their own websites.
-Shame on them. -Yeah, people have no morals.
Everyone screws each other over.
We sell fake rodenticide now.
-Rodenticide? How come? -Easy work, no risks.
Ever saw someone die of fake rodenticide?
-It's impossible. -Makes sense.
So? What brings you to this part of the town?
I need money. I have a story I'm trying to sell.
Wow, look at you! Gonna become a scriptwriter?
Nah, I wrote the story, but I don't know if I can sell it.
Is that the story? Give me that.
I know some people. I'll send it to them.
I promised someone else. I'll bring you another one later.
You don't take me seriously, huh?
-No, of course I do. -Yeah, sure.
Here you go.
Listen to me. Keep in touch, okay?
Please don't bend it like that. It's very important to me.
Don't worry, man. Leave it to me.
-Okay, see you. -See you.
İrfan!
-Dude, come on! -Okay, coming.
Where the hell were you?
Okay, come on.
-Hurry. -Easy now! Quiet!
-Okay, here. Up there. -Okay, putting it here.
Ayla!
Coşkun, what are you doing? Get down!
Quiet! Don't worry. It's all gonna be fine.
Ayla!
We're here to kidnap you!
-Coşkun! -Coşkun, I'd told you!
Coşkun! Coşkun, are you okay?
Don't worry, love. We'll be the happiest couple ever.
This is just where they live. You and I will find a better place.
Come in, love.
Coşkun, are you sure? It's filthy.
It's so filthy that even the germs must have died.
We're literally laughing at our tragedy.
Yes.
Let me go in.
I couldn't clean up because of the rush.
It's quite messy. Sorry.
-Want some cookies? I think that's one. -Ew, love!
Coşkun, what is this?
The fact that there are no doors makes it so cozy, right?
I burned the last one yesterday.
-What? You burned the doors? -Yeah.
-And your deposit? -We paid in dollars.
The landlord is terrified we'll leave.
-Where are your roommates? -They got deported.
-Why? -They were asylum seekers.
-Bro? -Yes?
-Wanna get some air? -We just got in. It's freezing outside.
Go get some fresh air, İrfan.
Oh!
-Okay, I'll go to Mom's. -Don't be stupid!
-Why? -Her dad will check there.
He'll check here too. Why did we come here?
-Open the door! -Shoot!
-My dad. -Coşkun, do something.
Okay. Let me.
-Your father told me you're here! -My father?
Open the door!
What did you do to him? How did you get him to talk?
-Hello? -Where are they?
Ihlamur Street, Number 9, my dear.
Dad, can we talk for a second?
Her dad hated me.
But Ayla had faith in us. She convinced him.
I've never heard such a thing from anyone before.
-Why so mad? I just asked for an advance. -What exactly is an advance?
I've never paid anyone unless I was getting something in return.
-I'm writing a script for you, right? -Yeah?
-And I need to make a living. -Yeah.
I gotta be able to feed myself. You can deduct the advance later.
-Are you okay? -I'm okay.
-I'm just a bit surprised and upset. -Why?
So, you do this just for the money?
-No, but I have some basic needs. -Fine. I'll think about it.
-About the advance? -No.
About why young filmmakers love money so much.
This job is a passion, Coşkun. It requires enthusiasm.
What difference does money make?
See you.
Money, money, money!
But at least Ayla supports me.
I don't know what I'd do if she didn't have faith in me.
Can't you…
Can't you be a bit more realistic? Huh? Can't you?
You said you'd get a job if comedy didn't bring money.
-But it does. I sell all the seats. -There are only ten seats.
-It's chamber theater. -You don't have your own chamber!
This is all for nothing, Coşkun.
Let's not rush into decisions and hear the expert.
-This is all for nothing. -Damn! Easy now!
A divorce attorney would have broken up fewer couples.
-How would you like to pay? -Do you do installments?
-Sure, how many? -Thirty-six.
-Geez! -Fine, make it 24.
You're not buying a fridge.
-It got declined. -There must be a mistake.
Let me call İrfan and ask him to bring the money.
He'll bring it, and we'll be done.
Your service has been suspended due to unpaid bills.
Well, I couldn't get a hold of İrfan.
But let's do this. I have a solution.
Let me leave my ID here and come back with the money.
I can't accept this ID.
You can't reject an ID. It's not a debit card.
What am I even doing here? Seriously, why am I here?
Why don't I break up with you?
I don't know what I'm waiting for to break up with this man.
-I don't either. -Stay out of it.
-I'm leaving. -To our house?
We don't have a house!
How are you going to pay?
Can I do dishes?
He's immortal but unhappy because he's been sentenced for life.
So, what do you think?
I think she's being unfair.
-Who? -Ayla.
What? I told you my new jokes.
You did? Really?
Did you even listen to me?
I really gotta pee. I couldn't focus, sorry.
-I spoke for two hours for nothing? -Okay, fine.
You got my attention. Talk.
Maybe I should go pee. I'll be right back. Gotta pee.
Here somewhere…
Why did you remind me of Ayla?
-İrfan? -What?
-What do women want? -How would I know?
It's clear what they want in groups. They keep screaming, "Tarkan! Kenan!"
But it's difficult to know when it's just one of them.
No matter what I do, I can't make it work with Ayla.
Oh, my sweet brother. Oh, my dear brother. Listen to me.
Look, you're a passionate man.
Yes, you're burning with passion.
-What does that mean? -It means this.
No woman would want to compete for a man's love.
-I don't have any other women in my life. -I'm not talking about women.
You have the stage, movies, comedy.
-I have, don't I? -Yeah.
Too much love. That's your problem.
You can't handle all that love at once.
I love too many things, and I love her too much. You know?
I know, bro. I know too well.
But you gotta make a choice.
Ayla or the others.
That's the deal.
Pass me my beer, will you?
Bring it.
Let's be careful around here. Easy.
Here we are.
Let's go this way.
-You sure this is the subway station? -Yeah, this is…
-This place is… Let's go. -It's so quiet here.
Careful while going through. Let's go.
It's quiet sometimes.
Kids, ready?
-Come on, man! -Do what I told you first.
Finally, we are all here.
Let me take that.
What can I do?
-I was in a hurry. -Shame on you.
You ready?
You're always on my mind
Thinking of nothing else, it's true
Come and end this longing
Separation is a bitter brew
The night's hum is my cry
What is that noise?
…my lament sigh
Sorrow envelops me
Tears fill my eyes
For God's sake.
I weep for you
Ayla, come on in.
Sorrow envelops me
Tears fill my eyes
I weep for you
Ayla, come back to me. I've been sleeping next to this man.
-Ayla! -Have some mercy, Ayla!
I love you so much!
-You were bad. I'm keeping the ball. -No…
Isn't this the station?
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FRUSTRATION: 999999
Coşkun, you're making too big a deal out of this.
-You stole my script. -Which one was that?
Yours is Watermelon Season. I saw the poster.
-And yours? -Melon Season.
Come on, Coşkun. Come on, man.
Of course they'll be similar. They're both summer fruits.
Look, even the characters are the same. You've stolen my idea.
Come on, Coşkun!
Do you enjoy making fun of people's weaknesses?
-You have no shame? -Excuse me?
I'm a kleptomaniac. It's a disease!
-What do you mean? -This disease makes me steal stuff.
I don't like it either, but what can you do?
I received treatment for three years. I was officially diagnosed.
When I thought I'd beaten it, you came along.
You brought me script after script.
You finally did it. I'm back where I'd started.
Do you see how tense I am? I don't know what to do.
-No way. -It's the truth.
-Did he apologize? -No, I apologized to him.
Why would… What about the money?
The money… Is he gonna pay you?
Ayla is right.
I'm hopeless.
Oh, my sweet brother.
Are you still mad at me?
I am. You're a hope-monger. I'm not even sure you're a good person.
Then why talk to me?
I don't know. I must be an idiot. I need professional help.
Then I have a suggestion. Ready?
-What is it? -Forgive me and say yes.
"Say yes" to what?
Coşkun?
Are you serious?
Hold this.
-What is this? -Bluetooth earphones.
-Thought you'd like it. -God damn you!
-You turned out to be such a jerk! -Quiet!
Fuck off!
My love? Did it hurt a lot?
There, there. You're okay now.
Coşkun? What is it? What's wrong?
-Your dad wanted to talk. I just saw him. -My dad? Why?
Look, you're not a bad person.
I know you love Ayla. But this is not going to work.
She can't think straight. Don't ruin my daughter's life.
Don't bother. I'll never leave her.
I'd never give up on her, no matter what.
Wait. Sit down.
Take this money.
Stay away from her.
How much uglier can you get?
I'm so sorry on his behalf.
I really can't believe you, Dad. I can't believe you.
What? How could you accept this money and leave me, you jerk?
I accepted it so we could be together.
We can plan a wedding and start a family with this.
Why would I swallow my pride otherwise?
I don't know if you're a bad person or someone who's madly in love.
I'm in love.
Madly in love.
And also rich.
Give me a kiss.
There was a guy I bought pirated stuff from.
He taught me everything I know.
-And? -He no longer sells pirated content.
-He works at the Ministry of Culture. -What a great career path.
It works perfectly for us. What's your issue?
-Want some tea? -Is this why you called me here?
Are you eavesdropping? Get out! Go!
What didn't you get?
The story you wrote, we'll turn it into a movie.
Yep, you need to turn it into a script.
-It's not that easy? -Isn't it?
We'll apply to the Ministry. We're putting together an application.
-You think we'll get funding? -For sure.
This man is gonna help us.
-But he wants some money. -How much?
-100,000. -What!?
Tell him to go back to pirating. It's easier.
But the funding is one million. He only wants ten percent.
We can shoot the movie easily with the rest.
You're talking about 100,000. How can I find that money?
Can't you get a loan? We'll pay it back when we get the funding.
Unbelievable.
What are the chances, man? What are the chances?
-How are you gonna get the money? -I'll sell my organs.
-I don't know! -As if they are worth anything.
You know, I have half a mind…
To do what?
How about we rob Çetin?
-Don't be ridiculous. I'm not a thief. -True, you're not. Çetin is.
You'll be getting your money back.
What the hell happened to you?
Selling pirated movies used to scare you. Now you're a criminal?
I'm not a criminal. Neither are you.
But if it goes like this, we'll end up being nobodies.
-Don't be ridiculous. Drop it. -Fine, suit yourself.
-What are you doing? -Producing natural gas.
You asshole.
I made some calculations.
If we spend 50,000 on the wedding and 25,000 on the apartment,
we can put the rest in the bank.
I think we should invest that money. Like… maybe into a movie?
No, we can't take risks with this money.
Please.
So we buy a wedding dress instead?
Do you like my plan?
It's perfect. Such an amazing plan.
Steal the money from the woman you love and bribe someone with it.
Perfect.
I know it sounds bad when you put it like that.
I think my plan made much more sense.
Robbing one of the biggest producers in the country.
Makes so much sense.
When you put it like that, it sounded weird to me too. Here.
Sinan is an honest man. He'll get the money back.
Ayla won't ever know.
-I'll get a movie. And get married. -Yes!
-Did you wash your hands? -I didn't touch them.
You're exaggerating.
Where have you been?
Sorry, I've never carried this much money on me.
Thought I was being followed, so I ended up on the Anatolian side.
Who'd know you have this much money on you?
Even if we told them, no one would believe it.
Thanks. Great pep talk. Thank you.
-Dude, let go. -You sure nothing will go wrong?
I'll pay you back within two weeks. Don't you worry.
-No, 13 days. -Fine, 13 days.
Let go!
Come on, take a seat. Sit down. Don't be shy.
Look. Here's our application.
Put down your first signature as a scriptwriter.
Scriptwriter?
-Next to my name? -Under it.
And this is the living room.
It's been freshly painted and refurbished.
Yeah, it looks beautiful. Such a nice apartment.
No sea view. I can't live without a sea view.
Bro… Excuse me.
-Bro? -What is it?
Ayla's relatives helped us find this. What are you doing?
How am I gonna pay for it? Sinan'll pay me back next week.
-So, what do you think? -The apartment is amazing.
We were wondering, could we get the keys so we can come back with Ayla?
-Sure, spare keys. -Thank you.
Thank you for your--
This is such a nice place.
Shall we sit over there?
Hi, Chef!
Welcome.
We'll take the menu. Thanks.
Whoa! Didn't we remove six zeroes of the currency?
-What would you like? -I think we'll only get the menu.
-We have money. -It's your dad's money. Hurts my pride.
It's my dad's money. Don't worry.
-See? They also spend their dad's money. -But their dads are loaded.
Okay, then. Let's get sea bass to share. And some salad for the table.
And to drink?
-Seabass and salad? -Yeah.
-Coke. I'll get a coke. -And you?
I'll get some raki. I need to get drunk before the bill.
-Thank you. -You're welcome.
-I'll go to the restroom. -Maybe they charge for that too.
How is it going Ayla? You were gonna sleep with him tonight?
Garçon, cancel that coke.
Bring a liter of raki. Pour her a double.
-Okay. -Don't let her do it.
Sure, of course.
So much
I love you so much
So much
I love you
-Come on. -Easy, Coşkun.
What happened to, "It's your dad's money"?
I earned that fair and square fooling him.
Coşkun, you're always going to be honest with me, right?
Always.
Prove it then.
Okay, ask me something. I'll do what you want if I can't answer.
-So we'll be playing Truth or Dare? Here? -Yeah.
-But I'm gonna ask you too. -Okay, deal.
Deal.
Have you ever loved a woman as much as me?
No.
-My turn. -Okay.
Do you regret saying yes to my proposal?
Of course not. My turn.
Have you ever checked out another woman since we met?
What should I do?
-You have? -Yeah, the ones over there are so hot.
You jerk! Asshole.
-What did I say no to before marriage? -Cleaning İrfan's apartment?
-No, the other thing. -Yeah.
You had a shot, but not anymore.
Fuck me.
My turn.
Do you have faith that I'll be successful and famous one day?
What do I do?
-You've done enough. Let's go. -No, don't ruin the evening.
We're just playing a game. I'll do whatever you want. Come on.
I will. Come on.
-Belly dance. -Coşkun!
-Let's go if you don't want to. -No, okay. I will.
Go on then.
Now?
It's haydari.
Love, I'm so sorry. It's an important call.
-Coşkun! -It's the landlord!
Right now?
-Yes, bro? -Remember the man we bribed?
It turns out he was a bigger asshole than we thought he was.
-He ran away with the money. -What?
You're right to be angry.
It's all my fault. I'll pay you back your money.
When? I need the money today.
I can't today. I need to get out of jail first.
-What jail? -We got raided.
Someone attempted suicide with rodenticide and reported me when it didn't work.
But as soon as I'm out of here, I will…
-Did we get the apartment? -We did.
Wow, just wow! I love the self-confidence you've got.
-Why? -Why, you ask?
You tried to rent a place with no money.
You almost ordered the furniture. Come on, man.
Yeah, the three of us engaged in the worst sex ever.
Three of you? What are you on about?
-Who was the third? -Sinan. He kinda fucked me over.
Come on, let's rob Çetin.
Stop suggesting that nonsense. I'm not a thief.
Oh, really? What about the 100,000 you stole from Ayla?
-İrfan! -Coşkun!
I'm not trying to pick a fight. I'm trying to find a solution.
I'm very sad we have the same father, but you're my brother.
I keep getting involved in crimes.
My life became a true-crime, not a comedy.
Let's rob that ass Çetin.
It's not committing a crime. It's payback.
He stole your work!
Even if I said yes, how would we do it? You're just talk.
So, every day, he leaves his office and goes to the bar downstairs.
If he's not at the bar, he's at home.
You'll be by his home. I'll be at the bar.
If he comes to the bar, the house will be empty.
And I'll call you.
Hello? He just walked into the bar.
Hurry, Coşkun.
Okay, I hear you.
Wow, how did you come up with that?
I studied for an exam for three years. This is nothing.
Surprise!
-Do you have no shame! -I'm here for the birthday!
-The flashlight? -A gift.
-You bastard! -Back off!
What's going on, Coşkun?
-What gift? -He's my brother! Wait!
-Beat it! -Wait! Brother!
Shame on you!
-Why would you gang up on one man? -Who the hell are you?
-Who are you? -Wait, let me explain.
My glasses!
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Hi, good day.
-Do you have any metal on you? -Metal…
-I have these as metal. -Let me get those.
Is that guy in here for stealing the civil service exam questions?
Mr. Nurullah is the warden, not a prisoner.
-Why is there a sack of walnuts here? -Its owner got shanked today.
Oh, no.
What a shame.
We shouldn't let it go to waste.
Coşkun, my little brother!
What?
What? I don't hear you!
What are you saying?
-So this was your amazing plan? -I wasn't expecting this either.
I lost Ayla. Her father is suing me.
-But I have a new plan. -A new one?
I profiled everyone at Çetin's birthday party.
None of them will sue us.
Don't get anxious. Don't be scared.
-How did you profile them? -That day. While they were beating me.
I analyzed their income from their soles.
The ones beating me had counterfeit shoes.
They're all broke. They wouldn't pay for a lawsuit.
One of them had sort of expensive shoes, but the soles had worn off.
Two years' wear. Nope.
There was a fancy one. Luxurious shoes. I'll never forget him.
He left his print kicking my head, that jerk.
But his shoe flew off while kicking me.
So he must have borrowed those.
-None of them will sue you. -İrfan, enough.
Enough, man! You're scaring me. You're the one scaring me.
Why? Doesn't it all make sense?
If they'd peed on you, were you gonna test the urine?
-Makes sense. -And sperm test if they'd fucked you?
You asswipe!
I'm so sorry.
My fault for trying to help. Pray to God instead.
-Though I have good news. -What? You passed the exam?
-No, we got funding for the movie. -What funding?
The Ministry. They funded your story.
Visitation time is over.
But there wasn't gonna be any funding! You bastard!
Sinan and I sent a legit application, thought we wouldn't get it--
-Why am I here then? It's too late! -But this is good news!
I love you too, bro. Hang in there!
Coşkun, hang in there!
Love you. My dear brother!
You're alone. Couldn't convince Ayla?
I'm not alone, but I'm not with Ayla.
-İrfan, what's going on? -Dad has found God.
He was home all the time. Wanted to see you.
Fine, Dad.
It's so hard to be the father of a sinful, immoral, bastard of a son like you.
So hard!
Listen, the path to taking responsibility, being virtuous, is not too long.
Get on that path! Be a right-minded person.
Become virtuous! Take responsibility!
Repent!
Why are you hitting the phone?
I sold my phone for his allowance.
-İrfan, take him. -May God guide you.
-Take him. -Okay, I'm sorry, bro.
Dad, we go left!
Visitation time is over.
-How do I contact you? -Wait.
-Here. -What's that?
My IBAN.
When you wanna say something, send me one lira and add a description.
You sinners!
You animals! You bastards! God damn you both!
Fuck that father of yours who gave his seed for you to be born.
He abandoned his religion.
Ayla!
-Ayla. -Come, my love. I'm waiting for you.
Wise Old Man? Please, Old Man. I love Ayla.
-I need to get back to her. -Don't you see? I'm busy.
Wisey, my love, I'm waiting for you.
-What are you doing? -See you.
You're ancient, you bastard! Fuck that beard of yours!
Ayla!
Fuck off with your foot!
It's almost in my mouth.
So, how are you doing?
Well, I moved back in with Mom and Dad.
-But I'm gonna be a civil servant soon. -You passed?
No, I'm a Syrian citizen now. They don't need to do the exam.
Well done, İrfan! Finally you're figuring this stuff out!
-Still learning. -That's not true.
-What? -That's not true.
What's not true?
I got put in here for deceiving people with that.
-I made bank fooling the likes of you. -For God's sake!
Damn, İrfan!
I'm not İrfan anymore. I'm Abdulsafiri.
Shush, be quiet!
This guy completely lost it.
Go to bed, man! Clickety-clack, all through the night!
There he is. Coşkun!
Take it to the director.
You know my pay for this project?
Give that to Ayla.
-All of it? -All of it.
-You mean, all of it all of it? -İrfan!
I'm just messing with you. Don't worry. Leave it with me.
So you finally finished writing, huh? Well done, man!
-Come here, I wanna give you a kiss! -Enough, man!
Thank you, God.
I'm gonna ask you something, but be honest.
-You think Ayla could forgive me? -I don't think so.
I don't know.
I hope so.
Okay, man. Shut up.
I LOVED YOU SO MUCH.
Coşkun!
-You got out a year early. -You're three hours late.
Come here. Come, my little brother!
CIRCLE OF DANGER
I knew my son would become a famous filmmaker.
But he's a bit… I'm funnier than him.
Son, why are you giving me the cold shoulder?
Why are you being like this? Just because you're famous now?
Come here. Congratulations. Well done.
Okay then.
Bravo!
I knew this was coming. It's all thanks to me.
Mr. Coşkun.
We loved your movie.
We're here! This way!
-Congratulations. -Bravo!
Mommy!