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[exclaiming]
The holiday season is here.
And I've been knitting the perfect sweater for Ugly Sweater Day.
Just so you know, I don't think you're ugly.
I could spend forever in your arms...
Your itchy, scritchy-scratchy wool arms.
[kisses]
So nice.
Thanks, Urkelbot.
Now that it's officially the holiday season,
this room feels so November. Ugh.
But this is the perfect time
for me to try out my newest invention.
Steve Urkel Industries presents the Decemberizer!
With a simple flip of a switch,
the holidays are at your fingertips.
Oops!
[groaning]
[breathes heavily]
[gasps]
Oh, no.
Oh! Bright lights.
[panting]
♪ I love December ♪
♪ It's my favorite month of the year ♪
♪ From the first to the 31st ♪
♪ I celebrate all that good cheer ♪
♪ I love December ♪
♪ I don't mean other months are not great ♪
♪ I don't want them to feel a way ♪
♪ But it's not up for debate ♪
Shh! Shh! Steve! Keep it down!
I can't keep it down, my postal pal!
Do you know that I've been waiting 334 days for it to be December again?
And now that it's here, I can't waste a minute of it.
♪ I love putting up a Christmas tree ♪
♪ And hanging up a wreath ♪
♪ But I also love a Kwanzaa feast ♪
♪ Flossing corn out of my teeth ♪
♪ I love celebrating Hanukkah ♪
♪ Sometimes I get to light the menorah ♪
♪ I love snowball fights with my snow-bot army ♪
♪ This year I'm coming for ya!♪
♪ There's so many great days in December ♪
♪ It's hard to pick my favorite ♪
♪ So I celebrate them one and all ♪
♪ So I can really savor it ♪
It's just like that documentary The Purge.
Everyone for themselves.
No, Mr. Kalan. It's just Steve Urkel.
Oh, right. It's December.
♪ Oh, I love December ♪
♪ It's the number one gathering of days ♪
♪ It starts on the 335th ♪
♪ Alternatively 336th on a leap year ♪
Not if you use a lunar calendar.
What? I'm just trying to be inclusive.
♪ I love December ♪
♪ It's the best month of the bunch ♪
♪ There's no fighting on Boxing Day ♪
♪ But there still might be some punch ♪
♪ Las Posadas is nine nights of worship ♪
♪ Omisoka's day of cleansing and fun ♪
♪ With the Festivus for the rest of us ♪
♪ Oh!♪
♪ There's something for everyone ♪
Steve! All the singing and dancing is gonna wake everybody up.
[echoing] Everybody up, everybody up, everybody up.
Well, not to quibble, but technically,
you're being a lot louder than me, right now.
♪ The holidays have traditions ♪
♪ They shouldn't be forgotten ♪
♪ To not respect them at all ♪
♪ Would really be quite rotten ♪
♪ It's not just about presents and toys ♪
♪ These holidays have meanings ♪
♪ They bring families together ♪
♪ Despite their political leanings ♪
♪ This season isn't just a day ♪
♪ We decorate a Christmas tree ♪
♪ We must never forget December's ♪
♪ When we celebrate the baby Jay-Z ♪
- [Jay-Z] Sagittarius in the building, ho! - [giggles]
♪ I love December ♪
♪ It's my favorite month of the year ♪
♪ From the first to the 31st ♪
♪ I celebrate all the good cheer ♪
♪ Yes, he loves December ♪
♪ He celebrates every holiday ♪
♪ But that's still no excuse for waking us up on a Saturday ♪
Oh, good, you're up! Happy holidays, Mrs. Paxson.
I'm looking forward to your eggnog cookies this year.
Uh, don't skimp on the cinnamon.
Happy Early Hanukkah, Mr. Kalan.
That's not a thing.
It's just Hanukkah. And it hasn't started yet.
But that doesn't mean you can't get a head start on celebrating.
Anybody need help getting holiday lights out of a musty basement?
Kochiyama family? I'm looking at you.
Steve, dear. What we need is sleep.
But, I let you sleep in this year!
Sure, compared to last year, when you woke us up at midnight!
I just want this holiday season to be the best it can be!
And that means we can't waste a minute of it!
- As one of Santa's helpers. - Steve?
One of Santa's "unofficial" helpers,
I want everything to be perfect for the big guy
when he arrives. It's my job...
Not your job.
...to make sure there's enough good cheer spread
into every nook and cranny of this month.
It's not an English muffin, kid.
It's a month where we buy more candles and wrapping paper than usual.
Oh, I beg to differ, It's Mr. K! Smell the air!
It's different during the holidays.
Smells the same to me.
Like snow and pumpkin spiced garbage.
You can't get that in July, which is why Santa doesn't show up in the summer.
He shows up in December
because Santa's drawn to the lumens of string lights, the pollen of mistletoe,
the euphoria of giving gifts and higher concentrations of goodwill.
I always assumed it was the Christmas carols?
Those too.
Now who wants to head to the mall for a little mall-iday window shopping?
Steve, how can I put this delicately?
- No! - What he said.
Well, that was not the answer I expected.
Here's a thought! You all rest up.
Dream some holiday themed dreams.
And when I get back, I'll be going door to door
to test and untangle everyone's holiday lights!
These holidays aren't gonna celebrate themselves!
[doorbell buzzes]
This package needs a signature.
I know you're in there, Mrs. Paxson.
[Jordan] Go, get him! Guard up on him!
He can shoot! Oh! Time out, time out.
Steve! Wait up!
Hey, thanks for fixing up the court man. It's amazing!
Aw, no sweat Jordan! Well except for the sweat on the court.
[chuckles and snorts]
I'm glad that my microwave powered,
climate controlled concrete is a hit!
Microwave powered? Wait, wait!
Is it going to stunt our growth or anything?
Not at all. My Urkel Industries patent-pending Clima-Crete is perfectly safe.
If anything, it might make you grow a few inches.
- Really? - [chuckles] No.
You're probably never gonna get taller than five foot ten,
just basing that on your general bone density and family history. Sorry.
Now Horace on the other hand, whew, you might hit seven feet!
Hey, uh, you should take your jacket off and stay a while.
As much as I'd love to impress you
with this killer cross over, I've gotta head to the mall!
It's a big day!
They're lighting up the giant Christmas tree.
- What? They like plug it in? - Yes!
Over two thousand twinkling lights and shiny ornaments!
I like to oversee the stringing of the garland.
Make sure the popcorn to cranberry ratio isn't off.
Do you get paid to do that?
No. It's sort of a volunteer position I created.
It's tough and tasty work but someone has to do it.
The city's gotta be perfect for when the big guy arrives on his sleigh!
Oops! I almost walked off with the rock.
Hey Horace! No look pass!
Whoa? What! What the?
Steve! What'd you do?
You're always saying how you want to make it rain buckets on the court,
so there you go!
I built a rain machine.
Although I don't know why you'd want to play b-ball in the rain. It seems slippery.
But I guess that's how the Splash Brothers got started.
Did you know the Splash Brothers are not really brothers?
On, no... is that?
Doh, it's the holiday boy. Nope. Not today.
He can catch the next bus.
[grunting]
Ah! There's something wrong with this bus.
- Ah! Here! Let me help you! - Hey! Hey! Hey! Put me down!
I'm on a schedule here.
I need you all to scoot.
Thanks for riding the Metro... You old weirdos.
- [old lady] I'm okay. - Phew!
Happy holidays, Sheryl the bus driver!
Ugh! Holiday boy.
Take me to the Twin Ferns Mall and step on it!
And by "step on it," I mean "drive safely and make all of your scheduled stops."
Ugh!
And we're on our way!
♪ Dashing through the snow on a city bus ♪
Nope! Not this year! No singing!
I'm going to need you to dial your energy down to about a three.
Out of nine hundred.
Starting today, the Twin Ferns Mall
gets its annual mall-iday makeover!
Giant snowflakes hang from the ceiling.
Tinsel everywhere.
Oh, there's nothing like seeing the first fake snow of the season.
Picking out a Christmas tree...
scented candle.
Ooh, I do love a scented candle.
♪ The holiday spirit's all over the mall...♪
Boy! If you don't stop singing, I'm gonna make a call.
♪ From the fancy soap store ♪
♪ Exfoliate your pores ♪
♪ Smell like gingerbread and apple cider!♪
I'm having some trouble with a rider.
♪ The mall-iday season is what I sing of ♪
♪ When department store windows show mannequins in love ♪
[bus dispatch] Sheryl, should we, uh, call the police?
[exhales] No, no.
Just get him to stop singing please.
♪ Showing off the best pants for cold weather ♪
♪ While chopping down a Christmas tree together ♪
[bus dispatch] ♪ It's a winter wonderland with escalators!♪
He got to you? Jerry, you are such a traitor!
♪ Head up to the food court and don't take too long ♪
♪ Or you'll miss the first graders ♪
♪ Sing the dreidel song ♪
That is cute, okay. But no! Stop singing!
♪ Now, if you are hungry there's a store that sells ham ♪
♪ And the Chef Shop where they'll teach you to candy a yam ♪
♪ While convincing you to buy a multi-cooker ♪
Is that like a crock pot?
[Jerry singing] ♪ Kinda sorta but it's even cooler ♪
Why are you helping him?
♪ 'Cause it's a winter wonderland with escalators!♪
♪ The parking lot's got a rink for ice skaters!♪
Now he got to you too?
♪ And last but not least The true star of the show ♪
♪ Department Store Santa's there to hear all your wishes ♪
♪ Right now my wishes is for you to shush-es ♪
♪ His elves walk you into his village ♪
♪ And up to his sleigh ♪
♪ So you can have a photo of a great mall-iday!♪
♪ 'Cause it's a winter wonderland with escalators!♪
[Jerry] Come on, Sheryl, don't be such a hater!
All right, fine.
♪ It's a winter wonderland with escalators!♪
♪ And ADA compliant elevators!♪
♪ There's not much more we can say ♪
♪ We can't wait for the mall-iday ♪
This is why I don't like it when you sing!
You get my hopes up.
I don't understand!
Where are the mall-idays?
[sighs] Looks like I'm finishing my route after all.
Wait, is that a sale at Tanya's Confidential? 30% off?
Excuse me!
Um, why isn't the giant Christmas tree up?
Is it on the way?
Is it stuck in traffic along with the giant inflatable dreidel
that is usually in the parking lot wishing everyone a Chag Sameach?
Business has been slow at the mall,
so they figured why bother with a big tree and decorations this year.
Wha? Santa is not going to like this!
Oh! Don't worry, we still got a tree. See?
Pretty nice, right?
A very merry mall-iday to you!
Where's the tinsel? Where's the candy cane colored clothes hangers?
Where's the apple cider!
It just smells like pretzels in here!
Why hasn't the piercing booth become a gift wrapping station yet?
It's too cold to get a nose ring!
[gasps]
[screaming]
Oh, thank goodness.
Welcome to Santa's Village.
Are you ready for a holly, jolly time?
Is this place?
Where's all the tinsel? The lights and fake snow?
It's the mall-idays! Come on, people!
- Who are you? - Steve Urkel.
I'm one of Santa's helpers.
Really? Then why am I the one wearing a nametag and dressed like an elf?
What? You're an elf?
I figured you were some bored kid with weird taste in shoes.
[laughs] My shoes? Look at you!
Are you rocking saddle shoes?
Oh, I am. And when I click my heels together, they can do this.
Perhaps purple and gold is more your speed?
Or maybe black and green? How about red bottoms?
- Okay, those are pretty cool! - [laughs]
Thank you. I created an LED leather.
[laughs] I don't need to know the science.
Just take the compliment, Steve Urkel.
It's taken like bacon. Nom, nom, nom, nom.
[laughs] You're kind of corny.
Hmm, corn. Nom, nom, nom...
[laughing] Okay, okay.
My name's Robin. You want to meet Santa?
Well, to be clear, Department Store Santa.
- You can just call him Santa. - Oh, no!
There's an important distinction!
Not to minimize the role of the DSS...
DSS?
Department Store Santa.
It's more than a job, it's a calling.
Department Store Santas hear the wishes of children.
There's tall Santas, short Santas,
Santas of every shape, size and gender.
Department Store Santas must be of the highest caliber.
With ears that can hear the voices of the shiest children.
They must have the nicest of beards.
Not too long, but not too groomed that they seem aloof.
A Department Store Santa has healthy knee cartilage
to provide support for the husky child.
And a Santa suit so soft it feels like a cloud.
And so red it can be seen in the dark.
These heroes take up the thankless mantle
that comes with sitting in that sleigh!
I am honored to be in the presence of such greatness.
And a little bummed out that there aren't more people here to witness his majesty.
Hey, you there! Gaze upon this greatness!
I'm gonna keep gazing on these sales, but thank you!
[Jerry] Sheryl, what's your twenty?
Uh, the snow is really slowing things down.
[making static noises]
I'm [static noises] losing [static noises] you.
[static noises] Can't [static noises] hear [static noises] anything.
[giggles]
Robin, I don't want to quibble,
but if you want to impress Santa,
you might want to open that gate with little more flash.
Let's take it again, but this time with some pizazz!
Look, Steve, I get that you're a fan of Santa.
- A helper of Santa. - No. I am a helper of Santa.
Sure, the department store variety.
Boy, stop it!
You can go through this gate and meet Santa
or me and these mall issued jingly bells will pizzazz you out of this place.
I'll go with the first option!
Cannonball!
[gasping] Aagh! What's happening?
- The Purge? - Hey there, big guy!
So great to see you this year, DSS.
Now my name should be on one of your lists.
Hopefully the "nice" one.
All right, all right. Just slow down, kid. Slow down, now.
Santa gotta do a few warm up "ho-ho-hos."
Oh, sure, sure. Take your time.
Ho-ho-ho.
[in normal voice] Ho... [low-pitched] Ho... [high-pitched] Ho.
[higher-pitched] Ho-ho-ho.
[clears throat] Okay, I got it.
Ho-ho-ho!
Eh...
Oh, gimme a break! I'm a little rusty!
Got to come in here for these ho-ho-ho's. I don't get to practice them.
Now, what would you like for Christmas, uh...
[whispers] Steve Urkel, sir.
What would you like for Christmas, Steve Urkel sir?
I only want one thing this year.
One thing? That's very considerate of you to keep Santa's bag light.
So what is it? A new video game system?
A puppy dog? Please don't say world peace.
- Cheese! - Are we taking a picture now?
No, I want cheese for Christmas!
Hmm, cheese?
You thinking like a grocery store cheese plate with some charcuterie?
Maybe a cheese of the month club type of thing?
Not quite. This year, I'd like a taste of one of the rarest,
most exquisite cheeses in the world.
Ooh. You're a boy after my own heart.
I like a fine cheese.
- [camera shutter clicks] - Stop it! Stop it!
What are we talking about? A stilton? A Manchego? A nice camembert?
Serbian donkey cheese!
- Serbia who now? - Serbian donkey cheese.
Do that sell that at one of those fancy grocery stores?
No. You have to travel to Serbia...
Where you must take a ferry to a small, remote village,
there atop a mountain that can only be reached on foot,
lives one cheese monger who has perfected the art of milking donkeys.
Eww. Gross.
Which isn't easy, because donkeys don't produce much milk and they kick. A lot.
Let me get this straight.
You want cheese from a tiny horse? For Christmas?
- Yep. - Whoa!
Serbian donkey cheese is expensive!
That's more than I pay in rent!
You sure you don't want a puppy?
I can't. Allergies.
Aw! You're allergic to dogs?
No. Dogs are allergic to me.
The sound of my voice, to be exact.
The decibel range is a little too harsh for their sensitive cochlea.
Okay. Well, Santa will see what he can do about your cheese.
Oh! Robin!!
Okay. Who's ready for a photo?
Donkey cheese!
People are really missing out on capturing a special moment like this!
Why is your phone so old?
It looks like it could be my phone's grandmother!
Electronic waste is such a huge environmental problem,
so rather than buy a new phone, I figured it might be nice
to see if I could breathe new life into something old.
Oh, sure. Kind of like rebooting an old movie or TV show?
Um...
Hey, I should post this photo.
Once people see me having all this holiday fun,
they'll want to get their photo with DSS
and that'll kickstart a yuletide celebration
that will pique Santa's interest!
[exhales] Okay.
And just like that we're viral, baby!
I'm an influenza!
You mean influencer?
Not when you're this viral!
I'm taking away my like.
Oh! Whoa, mama! Guess who is going live right now?
Dudley Von Durffel!
- The billionaire? - The tech genius!
Who is a billionaire.
People call him the "real life Bruce Wayne."
In that he has unresolved trauma at the tragic loss of his parents?
No! Because he's crazy rich!
The guy owns a yacht that is also a hot air balloon!
No, having a yacht air balloon isn't what makes him cool.
Dudley Von Durffel is cool because he sees innovation where others don't.
Hello! Wave emoji! Wave emoji! [laughs]
It's me, Dudley Von Durffel.
Just maxxin' and chillaxin' poolside 20,000 feet in the air
and I figured why not check in with my Von Durffollowers.
Is he bored and desperately looking for connection
to feed the insatiable appetite of his growing ego?
Ugh, thumbs down emoji!
I just want to get to know my peeps, VDI!
Huh? Again?
Let's find someone cool to interface with.
Ugh! Here's a person: @steveurkel.
That's me.
How is your phone's camera better than mine?
Hello, Dudley! I'm such a huge fan!
I'm an inventor myself.
It appears he is a five time winner of his state's science fair.
Uh, okay, well, I was a nine time state science fair champ.
- Boom! - Wowzer!
Right? I want to give you some advice, @steveurkel.
- Oh, just Steve is fine. -@steveurkel... you need to stop inventing.
What?
And start disrupting!
I've got to be honest, Steve.
Disrupting things seems like it could upset people.
Maybe @steveurkel's friend--
Facial recognition says her name is Robin Robles.
You know that I'm not using names anymore!
The future of communication is handles! Okay!
On the socials I'm @robirob381.
Thank you! @robirob381.
There was a time when people traveled everywhere
by horse drawn carriage, okay.
But then Henry Ford disrupted all of that with the automobile.
Does that make Henry Ford a bad guy?
Not for the car stuff, but definitely for some of the other stuff.
Fair point... He was... He was not a good person.
No. He was a real l-o-s-3-r.
Auto correcting. He means "loser."
Inventing is giving people what they want!
Now disrupting is grabbing people by the collar and yanking them
into the future! Yeah.
Huh? what do you think he means by... Help!
♪ When a great idea's inside your head ♪
♪ You rush to write it down ♪
♪ Now you might misspell a word or two ♪
♪ But the genius is what's sound ♪
♪ Sure, you could move real slowly ♪
♪ Dot every "i" Cross every "t"♪
♪ But all that quadruple checking ♪
♪ Doesn't cut the edge of technology ♪
♪ You can't wait to see who's ready ♪
♪ Can't ask "Is this okay?"♪
♪ Just make something amazing ♪
♪ That'll blow everyone away ♪
♪ And when you start to build it ♪
♪ You don't want to be delayed ♪
♪ You gotta get it to the people ♪
♪ Give their lives a big upgrade ♪
♪ So you gotta move fast ♪
♪ Break things ♪
♪ Move fast ♪
♪ Break things ♪
♪ Ask for forgiveness after ♪
♪ You've delivered joy and laughter ♪
♪ You gotta move fast ♪
♪ Break things ♪ ♪ Move fast ♪
♪ Break things ♪
♪ By disrupting everybody's world ♪
♪ It only happens when you move fast ♪
♪ And break things ♪
Uh, moving fast sounds kind of dangerous.
That's how accidents happen.
[sighs]
♪ Accidents happen all the time ♪
♪ We trip, we stumble We bump our noggin ♪
♪ If we stop moving forward people point ♪
♪ They laugh, make memes They start mockin'♪
♪ In the world of tech There will be bugs ♪
♪ OS flaws and backend mistakes ♪
♪ Don't wanna be a laughingstock?♪
♪ Well, don't stop whenever something breaks ♪
♪ This world is our laboratory ♪
♪ Everything around us is just data ♪
♪ So instead of saying "Did I do that"♪
♪ Just shrug and say "It's still in beta!"♪
♪ And then Move fast ♪
♪ Break things ♪
♪ Move fast ♪
♪ Break things ♪
♪ Ask for forgiveness after ♪
♪ You've delivered joy and laughter ♪
♪ No, you gotta move fast ♪
♪ Break things ♪
♪ Move fast ♪
♪ Break things ♪
♪ Let your inventions rock everybody's world ♪
♪ It only happens when you move fast ♪
♪ Ba de ba da ba da ♪
♪ And break things ♪
Wow! Okay, now I want to find something to disrupt!
Look, I'm not sitting in my own yacht air balloon
because I waited for permission to change the world.
No. I just changed it
and this baby is a very expensive,
really, like really, fuel inefficient thank you gift for myself. Yeah.
Whoa! Whoa! Keep it steady, VDI!
We've got some choppy skies up here.
You see, this is why we need to get rid of the wind!
Ugh. @steveurkel, look around you.
Is there something that you see that could be better for society?
Hmm. Since it's the holidays, maybe there's a way to spread even more holiday cheer?
Well, if you think the holidays need shaking up,
then find a way to disrupt them, buddy.
The nicest thing you can do for people
is disrupt their lives for the better.
- Okay? - All right.
- I'm going to disrupt the holidays. - [thuds]
Um...
Steve.
Look at that. You've already started.
Thanks, Urkelbot.
If this is going to become the best holiday ever,
I need to become Santa's Number One Elf.
Ooh! Even better!
Santa's Urkelf! But what to do?
Hmm. We might be pulling an all-nighter.
Ah! I think I've got it!
Oh, that's good. That's really good.
Ow, that's hot! That's really hot!
One hot cocoa, milk and two sugars.
Thanks.
You catch the game last night? Nobody was rebounding!
And then they had the nerve to just play zone defense for a bunch of possessions.
Good morning, festive friends!
Steve? What are you doing here?
Wait, are you one of those kids that wants to pull on Santa's beard?
Collect the hair to make a pillow that hears your wishes?
I've heard about creepy Santa super fans like you.
I'm not a super fan!
I'm here in an official capacity.
[exhales] You're not one of Santa's helpers.
Well, technically speaking, I'm one of Santa's disrupters!
It's a different department than helper!
I'm here to make sure the holidays are operating at peak performance,
and that means making sure everyone has a great holiday, even you, big guy.
I was thinking since people aren't coming to the mall as much,
how could we get more people to see DSS?
Start a podcast?
Last night, inspiration struck.
Kids still need to see Santa,
so I built something to help spread a little of that mall-iday cheer.
I made you an app that lets kids call you whenever they want.
You built an app overnight?
And you're still this chipper?
Hmm. That's a pretty great idea, Steve.
So the kids and I can connect virtually?
Even better. Let me see your phone.
Don't go through my photos.
Just... bringing it online.
- What the-- - That's right.
Why just talk to Santa on your phone
when you can have him delivered to your door with the press of a button.
You failed to mention the part where you also built engine powered reindeer.
Oh, no no no no no! I do not like this idea!
[screaming]
What the Monterey Jack!
Steve! Stop this thing! Take us back to the mall!
But you don't want to disappoint the kid who just requested you!
Fine! Fine! But at least slow this thing down!
On it.
Whoopsie!
Whoa, whoa.
Oh, my gosh! Oh! Oh, my heart!
Santa?
[giggles]
Ho-ho-ho! Hey there. Uh...
Scottie.
Hold up, Steve. Are you an elf?
Did you go through the six week training program?
Oh. My mistake.
Scottie Harper.
Hello, Scottie. Why don't you
hop on Santa's lap and we can discuss--
- [Urkel] Uh-oh. - What is "Uh-oh," Steve?
- [Department Store Santa screams] - [Scottie yelps]
[Department Store Santa exclaiming]
How're you do-- [exclaiming]
When I was burning the midnight oil... [exclaims]
I may have forgotten to... [exclaims]
create a subroutine... [exclaims]
to manage the requests... [exclaims]
So, every kid who's requesting Santa right now
is going to get Santa right now?
[all shouting]
[Department Store Santa shouting indistinctly]
[Department Store Santa] Steve!
Ho-ho-ho... [exclaiming]
[exclaiming continues]
Oh, relax, big guy.
It's just a little hiccup.
[Department Store Santa shouts, exclaims indistinctly]
A hiccup? Steve, shut it down! Shut it down!
Take us back to the mall right now!
- Right now! - [explosion]
[all whimpering, exclaiming]
Steve, you might wanna hold on to something!
Huh?
[all screaming]
[explosion]
Nope. No critters on my bus.
[all continue screaming]
[debris clattering]
[grunts] Whoa, Nelly!
Wait a minute.
Where's Department Store Santa?
[Department Store Santa] Steve!
- [yelps, grunts] - [objects clatter]
[groans softly]
Did I do that?
[laugh track plays]
What is wrong with you? [strains, grunts]
I just wanted everyone to have an amazing holiday.
And you figured you'd do that by blowing up my sleigh and destroying my pants?
I have no pants. I have no pants!
- But you do have very classy underpants. - [grunts angrily]
These are bugs that can be easily fixed.
As Dudley Von Durffel likes to say--
Dudley Von Durffel didn't do this, Steve.
You did.
There's a city full of kids who didn't get to see Santa,
but did see a bunch of reindeer explode!
And to top it off, you destroyed Pretzelegance.
[man crying]
Please, DSS, this was a beta test.
[reindeer head crackles, whines, thuds]
I can iron out these wrinkles, get you back up and running in no time.
We're all Team Santa here.
No, Steve.
This is what I've been trying to tell you.
You're not one of Santa's helpers. I am.
I mean, I was until you destroyed Santa's Village.
"Destroyed" seems like a bit of an exaggeration.
[objects creak, thud]
[Urkel] Well, uh...
"Destroyed" makes sense.
Do you wanna know why I was working here?
I wanted to surprise my dad this year and get him some ESL classes.
He's from Ecuador and he always worries his English isn't good enough.
So, I thought it would be a great gift.
That is really thoughtful.
But thanks to you, now I can't.
Robin, I didn't mean to destroy anything.
I just wanted to help make the holidays the best they can be.
You-- You wanna help? Don't help.
Stay away, very far away.
You've ruined everything.
If I were you, I wouldn't even count on any horsey cheese.
Uh, donkey cheese.
[yells]
[grunts]
Huh? Mm? Mm.
[indistinct chatter on TV]
[laughter, applause on TV]
From mall-iday to malady,
Christmas is under attack!
[bystanders screaming]
Did I do that?
[slowed audio] Did I do that?
Oh, ho, ho, he did do that, America.
That bespectacled bully made a fool of Santa Claus.
And since now I'm showing it to you on national television,
he made a fool of Santa Claus on national television.
Steve, how can you watch that lady?
Every week, she's finding a new thing that is "destroying America."
Last week it was empanadas, and empanadas are amazing!
My only regret, it took me so long to learn that.
Urkelbot likes her show.
Probably a good thing Urkelbot can't talk.
Or vote.
[mechanical grinding, creaking]
We just wanted to make sure you were feeling okay after you blew up the mall.
He didn't blow up the mall.
Sorry. Just a bunch of reindeer and Pretzelegance.
which, good riddance.
Ow! Hey, I'm old.
Mr. Kalan's right. I messed up the mall-idays.
DSS and Robin are mad at me.
But it's not just that. I mess up everything.
I ruined Jordan's basketball game with his friends,
I woke the neighborhood up super early.
Steve, you're being too hard on yourself.
Look, you might be a little...
- Awkward? - Goofy?
A bumbling, butter-fingered klutz?
I was gonna say, eager.
But we all know your heart is in the right place.
Dudley Von Durffel said I should disrupt people's lives for the better.
But when I tried, I made everything worse.
So, I was thinking, maybe I was disrupting the wrong thing.
Maybe what I need to disrupt this holiday season is myself.
Don't tell me, you've built a contraption that's going to turn you
into some sort of smooth-talking cool guy.
Not at all.
Being cool has never been my problem.
Whoa!
Behold, my newest invention.
I call it a nice ticker.
It's an okay ticker.
No, it's called a nice ticker.
It will help me make sure the holidays are great
by keeping me from screwing them up.
Every year, I go over to Mr. Kalan's to help him light his menorah.
- And my drapes. - Exactly.
So, the watch told me that, this year, I should send Urkelbot in my place.
You want me to celebrate Hanukkah with your robot?
His latkes are delicious. He makes them with ricotta cheese.
That sounds like something from one of those fancy food shows.
- [watch beeps] - See, Mr. K's holiday just got a little better.
The more things I do right, the more points I'll get
while making sure we stay on track for
a wonderful holiday that Santa will love!
Oh, Steve.
If you weren't covered in grease, I'd hug you.
- [Urkelbot drones] - No, thank you, robot.
Steve, honey, the holidays are great because you're a part of them.
Yeah, Steve. Isn't today Jay-Z's birthday?
Why don't we all go Jay-Z caroling?
That would be a wonderful thing we can all do together.
- [watch buzzes] - Hmm. The watch says I shouldn't.
But, Steve, you love singing loudly on the street.
You can sing the curse words.
Let's be honest.
I bet I'd get really excited singing "Hard Knock Life,"
and accidentally step on Mrs. Kochiyama's foot,
which would then make her jump in pain.
She'd slip on an icy patch of sidewalk
and go tumbling into Mr. Kalan, causing him to break his hip.
That does sound like something you could do,
and something that my hip could do.
Yep, it all tracks for me.
And then, he'd have to spend Hanukkah in the hospital.
So, I'd ruin another holiday.
- [watch beeps] - See, I'm already scoring points.
Oh, this is great.
You all go. Have fun.
Okay, but it won't be the same without you.
- [watch beeps] - According to my data, it will be 47% better.
Robot, if I fall asleep, that's not permission for you
to turn my microwave against me for your robot uprising!
I know what goes on among youse.
I read books. I got Wi-Fi.
Hey, Urkel, come here.
We could use another player.
This snowman really isn't playing much D.
- [watch buzzes] - Hmm.
The last time I was here, I got everybody soaked with rain.
I should probably sit this one out. Thanks.
[watch buzzes]
Okay, holiday boy, we've gone a mile and a half,
and you haven't sung a single thing.
- What's up, huh? - You don't like singing.
And I don't wanna ruin your day. So, no singing for me.
So, you're just gonna sit there all quiet,
even as the wheels on the bus go round and round?
- Round and round, round and round? - [muffled exclaiming]
- [watch beeps] - [sighs]
Have a nice evening, Sheryl, the bus driver.
You, too, holiday boy.
[Jerry over radio] ♪ The wipers on the bus go swish, swish, swish... ♪
- It was cute when he does it, Jerry, not you! - [radio beeps]
Hey, Steve. What are you doing here?
I wanted to say sorry I messed up everything at Santa's Village.
Thanks. I appreciate that you came here to apologize.
I know I'm not one of Santa's official helpers.
But I made you something that I hope will make your holiday a little better.
Steve Urkel Industries proudly presents my latest invention,
The ESL-met.
It takes anything you say or hear
and translates it automatically into the language of your choice.
[ESL-met speaking Spanish]
[chuckles] If my dad ever needs to slay a talking dragon
or sing a rap hook, I'll hit you up.
But I don't think he's much of a helmet-to-work guy.
[ESL-met speaking Spanish]
That's cool, Steve,
but I wanted to get my dad ESL classes myself.
Sometimes, he helps me with my school work.
[chuckles] He'll make up silly songs to help me remember math equations.
It's corny, but I like getting to spend that time with him.
I don't know. I guess I just figured
it'd be fun to do the same for him.
Trust me. I've crunched the numbers and run simulations.
Your dad is going to love this.
He's going to have the best Christmas ever,
and you're going to have a great holiday because of it.
- [watch beeps] - See?
Is that a step counter?
No.
It's my newest invention to help me make sure
everyone has the best holiday ever.
It's keeping score of everything I do to hack this holiday season.
Who are you keeping score for?
Santa.
He's only going to come if everything and everyone is perfect. Even me.
You'll see, my science is sound.
Look, your wreath is crooked.
Hm. Looks fine to me.
Nope. It's off by three degrees.
Now, that might seem small.
But it could be the difference between someone walking by
and feeling joy to the world,
or simply mild satisfaction with the globe.
Joy, mild satisfaction.
Point, no point.
Point, point, point, point.
♪ You make a good point Point, point, point, point ♪
♪ Point, point, point Point, point ♪
♪ Point, point, point ♪
♪ Everywhere I go I'm trying to be nice ♪
♪ Help a bunch of people So I can rise up ♪
♪ Santa's leaderboard Doing all these good deeds ♪
♪ And prove to everybody I'm the help he needs, ooh ♪
♪ Point, point, point Point, point ♪
♪ Point, point, point ♪
♪ Those inflatable decorations look okay ♪
♪ They'd look better ♪
♪ With an Urkel patent-pending light display ♪
♪ Who wants to go caroling ♪
♪ With all this snow under their feet? ♪
♪ Score some points to build ♪
♪ Something to shovel the street, ooh ♪
♪ Point, point, point Point, point ♪
♪ Point, point, point ♪
♪ I'm showing everybody That I got what it takes ♪
♪ To spread the holiday spirit Without making mistakes ♪
♪ Santa's gonna be impressed When he sees what I've done ♪
♪ This city's full of nice points ♪
♪ And I've just begun, ooh ♪
♪ Spreading holiday cheer ain't some game you can win ♪
♪ It's a feeling that comes from within ♪
♪ Sure, you can fix a wreath Or decorate some trees ♪
♪ But I think you might have misplaced your priorities ♪
[people scream]
♪ Gifts are great When they mean something more ♪
♪ Than an empty attempt just to raise your score ♪
♪ If you cared about my feelings ♪
♪ Then you should've come too ♪
♪ Not some dumb watch telling you ♪
♪ What it thinks you should do ♪
♪ Oh, points ♪
♪ Point, point Point, point ♪
♪ Point, point, point Point, point ♪
♪ Point, point, point ♪
♪ Point, point, point Point, point ♪
- ♪ Point, point, point ♪ - ♪ You make a point? ♪
♪ Point, point, point Point, point ♪
♪ Point, point, point ♪
♪ You're missing the point Point, point, point, point ♪
♪ Point, point, point Point, point ♪
Steve, you're missing the point.
Happy mall-idays.
I hope you have a wonderful shopping experience.
Where's that holiday smile?
[watch beeps]
Hey, Mrs. P. Doing some malI-iday shopping?
Yep. Got all my presents for my sister's family.
Can I count on you to help me gift-wrap everything this year?
I'll make eggnog cookies and we can watch a scary movie.
- [watch buzzes] - My nice ticker reminded me that I'm bad at wrapping gifts.
Every year, I mess it up and you have to rewrap everything
while I eat all the cookies and fall asleep on your sofa.
I don't mind.
It's nice having your company.
Thanks. But if you want to have a wonderful holiday,
you need someone or something
that can help you wrap up those gifts, lickety-split.
That's why I built you this.
It's a giftwrapping machine that I call The Hardcore Wrapper.
It can make paper, mix tape and get jingly with it, baby.
There's not a box it can't beat.
Ooh.
What is it?
It's a coffee mug warmer for my niece.
I found it at that fancy tech store.
You put a cup on it and it stays warm.
How old is your niece?
She's nine. Do you think she'll like it?
[watch trills, dings]
Sure. Why don't we get our wrap on?
[Hardcore Wrapper whirring]
- Oh, wow, that's wonderful. - [watch beeps]
Feel free to wrap away.
I need to head inside and check on DSS.
Look at me. I'm a hardcore wrapper.
Oh, you don't want none of this, honey.
I spit bars, fire, fire bars.
Well, well, well,
if it isn't Mr. Donkey Cheese.
- [camera shutter clicks] - [grunts] Robin!
Hey, DSS,
I just wanted to apologize for screwing things up.
I'm sorry.
Thanks, Steve.
I'll be honest. I was mad at you.
But for you to come here now and apologize to me,
face-to-face...
- Aw, geez... - [camera shutter clicks]
- [sputters] I said, geez! - [camera shutter clicks]
[chuckles] What? It was a touching moment.
To show you how sorry I am,
I wanted to give you something.
That's very nice. But my doctor said
my heart can't take any more gifts from you.
Oh, but you're already wearing it.
I fixed your Santa suit.
You did this? Thought this was from the mall.
The fit is nice.
Look at your boy, all swagged out.
You got Santa looking like a hype piece.
Wait. It's not gonna do something weird, is it?
Nope. No tech. Just sewed it up with
- a needle and some thread. - [watch beeps]
Thanks, Steve. We're all gravy, and cheese.
Nothing? You're not gonna take a photo of this 'fit?
I look good.
Between you and me, DSS,
your suit wasn't in the best shape to begin with.
So, I reinforced everything with some synthetic fabric
to make sure it stayed both soft and sturdy.
Synthetic fabric? Like polyester?
Wow, Steve, I was wrong.
You really are winning the holidays.
And it's only gonna get better.
This year, we're gonna knock Santa's socks off.
[shouting] I'm allergic to synthetic fabrics.
Or his pants.
It's like super-soft poison ivy!
It's nice and painful.
Aah! When I scratch, it makes my fingers itchy.
[Mrs. Paxson] Steve!
[people screaming]
Oh, no. I'm making things worse.
Hold on. Hold on.
I know what to do. I can fix this.
[all] No! Don't fix anything!
But... But...
What we need is someone to disrupt you, Steve.
- [clamoring in the background] - Wait a menorah.
I know just the guy.
This guy says my hair looks fake?
What? [hesitates] No.
Hi-ho, Dudley.
[screams, grunts]
Who are you? How'd you get here?
Are you one of those ghosts here to show me my Christmas past, present, or future?
No, it's me, Steve Urkel.
We met the other day, fellow disruptor.
- Who? -@steveurkel.
@steveurkel, IRL?
Uh, okay. Uh, what can I do for you?
I took your advice and tried to disrupt the holidays
and make everything perfect for Santa.
I built this nice ticker that pushes me to find ways
to make sure everyone had a great holiday.
But I kept screwing everything up.
Hmm. You've gamified being in the holiday spirit?
[laughs] That's fire... emoji.
I don't think the problem is you, @steveurkel.
It's not?
You turned the holidays into an amazing game.
But a game is only good
if you can get other people to play it, too, okay?
What if we scaled this up a bit?
And got everyone playing for the holidays?
Exactly.
Maybe we lose the watch and turn it into an app.
A really nice app?
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. But how about a Von Durffel app?
Ooh. That's wonderful.
No, kid, it's Von Durffel.
VDI, get the dev team on this, stat.
- I want this live in 24 hours. - [Urkel grunts]
Can you get it ready in 24 hours?
You're right. Let's do it in six.
[chuckles] Congratulations, kid.
You're about to disrupt the world.
[watch beeps]
You have a question?
No, I was... I was trying to high-five you.
Oh. It looked like you had a question.
Maybe angle your arm down a little more.
Or maybe, I was disrupting the way we do the high-five.
Very cool.
[chuckles] Thanks.
Now, let's get you off my boat.
[sighs] Dudley's app should be online now.
Oh, wow. So many people have already downloaded it.
That's great.
Oh, Santa's gonna be so proud of me.
Everything's gonna be so festive that he'll make sure
this is the best holiday ever.
♪ Steve in the milk Steve in the milk ♪
♪ We make the cheese That's soft as silk ♪
♪ Steve in the milk Steve in the milk ♪
[Urkel] [laughs] Ooh, that tickles.
♪ Steve in the milk Steve in the milk ♪
♪ We make the cheese That's soft as silk ♪
[Urkel exclaims]
[gasps, exclaims]
[Urkel panting]
[yelps, exclaiming]
Whee...
Oh, Steve, you're the nicest kid ever.
You made me so-ho-ho happy!
If you don't like it, you can get out.
Ujamaa, bless us, everyone.
[synth music playing]
Just call me Stefan Urquellebot
You saved the holidays, Steve.
Ho-ho-ho, ho!
You're my official holiday helper.
You hear that, everybody?
- Steve Urkel! - [crowd cheering]
[snoring]
Good morning, Mr. Kalan.
Good morning, Steve.
Just turning the Kochiyamas' car
into everybody's favorite Christmas character,
Rudy, the holiday moose.
I think you mean reindeer?
- Their car is a reindeer. - Moose, reindeer, what's the difference?
I mean, they're different subspecies,
not to mention, antler size and shape.
[phone beeps]
Yes! Seventeen points!
- Ooh, chag sameach, Mr. Kalan. - [phone beeps]
We've spent all morning perfecting a matzah ball soup recipe.
And some rugelach.
Let's get in that kitchen and get you a Hanukkah meal.
- [phone beeps] - Yes!
That's so wonderful.
Did you see Rudy, the moose?
It's nice. We don't really celebrate Christmas. But thank you.
- [phone buzzes] - [grunts]
I got you, Kochiyamas.
For the new year, you celebrate with a kagami mochi.
- And I made you a lawn ornament. - [phone beeps]
- [exclaims] Yes!
Take that, Mr. Kalan.
Livingstons, you celebrate Kwanzaa, right?
Let me help you do that!
- Happy holiday, Steve. - [phone beeps]
I said it first. Why didn't I get more points?
No, Horace. I insist your team have the ball.
- Happy holidays. - [phone beeps]
- Oh, thank you very much.
Look at that. It's your ball again.
- I think that counts as a Christmas gift. - [phone beeps]
Hey, Jordan, what's the score?
Oh, nothing-to-nothing.
But I've already got 38 Von Durffel points.
But what about basketball?
This is better than basketball.
Oh, look at that. I accidentally scored on myself.
- That's two points for you, Horace and ten points for me. - [phones beep]
For being so charitable this holiday season.
Hey, holiday boy. Need a lift?
♪ Dashing through the snow ♪
- I'm good. - [Sheryl humming]
[phones beeping]
[woman gasps]
- Happy holidays. - [phone beeps]
Merry Christmas, Hanukkah, Boxing Day, Kwanzaa, Festivus to you.
[phone beeps]
Your smile just brightened my day
- this holiday season. - [phone beeps]
Your smile is all the Christmas, Hanukkah,
Boxing Day, Kwanzaa, Solstice, Festivus gift I need.
- A fabulous day to you. - [phone beeps]
Would you stop, Gary? You're messing up my points.
You're not being very merry by telling me what to do.
[phones beeping]
[Department Store Santa] I don't care what your grades are. You, young man, deserve a puppy.
You hear that? This little boy is getting a puppy,
even if Santa has to get you one himself.
- Isn't that nice of Santa? [laughs] - [phone beeps]
Yes. A hundred points.
Okay, come on, give me another kid. Give me another kid.
Whoa-ho-ho.
- Whatever you want, little girl, Santa's got you covered. You want world peace? Santa will figure it out. - [phone beeps]
Oh, Steve!
[kids laughing]
You want to rip my pants off again, make me look silly?
Isn't that a holly-jolly good time?
- What's going on? - [phones beeping]
I don't know you, but I got you this holiday card.
I got you one first. Season's greetings!
[woman screams]
I don't believe this.
These people aren't spreading holiday cheer.
They're more focused on treating it like a game.
Isn't that what you were doing?
No. I was just trying to...
win over Santa by getting a perfect score.
Oh, no.
Did I do this?
[phones beeping]
- Hey, kid, let's go caroling. - [phones beeping in the background]
Everyone loves caroling, and it'll give me some points.
Do you even wanna go caroling?
No, I just want points.
Points!
No! I need those points.
Let's make a gingerbread house.
Let's make ten gingerbread houses.
Let's make a gingerbread city!
No, he's going caroling with me.
Fun fact. Did you know the fifth day of Kwanzaa
is all about points?
[both yelling, screaming]
This game is offering daily cash prizes
and a million dollars to the person
who gets the highest score of the month!
What? No.
Dudley's app is bribing people to get into the holiday spirit.
This isn't right.
Maybe not, but it only costs a few bucks to play,
and if I win, I could get paid.
Robin...
[slowed audio] No...
[phone beeps]
Happy holiday, Steve.
Where's that holiday smile?
You're one of Santa's holiday helpers, aren't you?
- We should get you a hat. - [phone beeps]
Let's get you some eggnog
and sing some [voice distorts] carols.
[pants, grunts]
Hey, there, Steve. You still want donkey cheese for Christmas?
Because I'll get it for you.
- If I win this game, I'll buy you all the cheese. - [phones beeping]
So why don't you sing some carols with me,
[voice distorts] and I can get these points?
Oh, no!
[hisses] Points...
[Urkel whimpers]
The mall is getting the biggest tree we can find,
- just for you. - [phone beeps]
Will you help us decorate it
for the points?
[panting]
[sighs]
Where's your ugly sweater? Points.
Want to watch some holiday movies on my phone?
[voice distorts] For points.
[Urkel panting]
[grunts]
[woman] Points...
Steve, I think your sweater isn't the right Christmas green.
- It needs to be a shade lighter. - [phone beeps]
- Take a seat and let me tell you the story of Hanukkah. - [phone beeps]
- It's known as the Festival of Lights. - [phone beeps]
- [gasps] - [Department Store Santa] Points...
- [grunts] - [crowd] Points...
[Urkel gasps, grunts]
Come on! I built you. Why aren't you starting?
[crowd] Points, points...
- That is very cool. - [phone beeps]
It's a Christmas mitzvah, how you mess with my things.
Oh, come on. Come on.
- [reindeer revs] - [crowd yells]
I'll bring it back, I promise!
- Or don't. I'm generous and charitable that way. - [phone beeping]
[in deep voice] As long as I get these points.
Yes.
Would you like to sing a carol with me?
- I thought you'd never ask. - [phones continue beeping]
[all] ♪ Points points, points Points, points, points ♪
♪ Points points Points, points, points ♪
♪ I thought I was a nice kid ♪
♪ But maybe I'm a troll ♪
♪ 'Cause every time I try to help ♪
♪ I seem to miss my goal ♪
♪ I wanted to make The holidays better ♪
♪ But I made everything worse ♪
♪ I'm not a holiday gift ♪
♪ I'm a Christmas curse ♪
♪ He's not a holiday gift ♪
♪ He's a Christmas curse ♪
♪ Everything was fine ♪
♪ Until I got invo... [clears throat] ...olved ♪
♪ So if I run away ♪
♪ Maybe the problem will be solved ♪
♪ If he runs away ♪
♪ Maybe the problem will be solved ♪
♪ I wanted to make the holidays better ♪
♪ But I only made things worse ♪
♪ I'm not a holiday gift ♪
♪ I'm a Christmas curse ♪
♪ He's not a holiday gift ♪
♪ He's a Christmas curse ♪
- [reindeer sputtering] - Oh...
- Uh-oh. - [reindeer crashes]
[yelps]
[groaning]
Where am I?
- [screams] - [roars]
[phone trilling]
[exclaims, grunts] Kid, calm down, please.
You can talk?
Yes. You've got good aim, Steve.
Well, only when I'm terrified.
Wait, how do you know my name?
I know every kid's name.
It's kind of my thing, being Santa and all.
You're Santa Claus?
In the fur.
[sputters] You're a...
Yes, Steve Urkel.
Santa Claus is a yeti!
No, no, no, no, no. That's ridiculous.
I've been helping Santa for years.
Officially, or off the books?
That's not important.
As a self-taught Santa expert, what I know is,
Santa can't be a yeti.
[upbeat music playing]
♪ Santa Claus is a yeti ♪
♪ What's the problem that you see? ♪
♪ Does that challenge your idea ♪
♪ Of who a yeti should be? ♪
♪ You might see a monster ♪
♪ But I'm a friendly-o ♪
♪ Yeti dressed in reddy With a big, big belly ♪
♪ And a fuzzy, fuzzy beard Living in the North Pole ♪
But there's never been scientific proof of your existence.
Not Santa Claus. Yetis.
Ouch! That hurts.
Uh, I guess you know a lot of centuries-old humans.
Well, my grandma's pretty old.
But can she fit down a chimney carrying a bag of toys
without being seen?
I can. It's what we Bigfoots are great at.
Doors, on the other hand, confuse the heck out of me.
Turn and pull and then go in. [sighs] Oh.
Wait a minute. People have seen Santa before.
I try to stay hidden as much as possible,
but a few lucky children have gazed upon this beautiful visage.
So by now, somebody would have said Santa's a yeti
or gotten upset that you don't look like a biker after a spa day.
♪ Oh ♪
♪ People have opinions ♪
♪ Of how we should look and sound ♪
♪ If you challenge their beliefs ♪
♪ They tend to put you down ♪
♪ They've made a reality That's comfortable to them ♪
♪ So instead of seeing a yeti Dressed in reddy ♪
♪ With a big, big belly And a fuzzy, fuzzy beard ♪
♪ They'd rather see some old man ♪
Not just any old man.
They want to see the one who's--
White, uh, fur can kind of look like a beard.
Don't you think?
Hmm. It does.
And I guess from far enough away,
your hands and feet kind of look like boots and gloves.
Exactly!
I mean, "claws" is right there in the name, Santa Claus.
Hello!
How many humans do you know named Santa?
It's actually an old yeti word.
It means yeti.
My real name is Krisskringel.
Holy moly!
You're Santa and you're a yeti!
Ho-ho-ho.
- ♪ Santa Claus is a yeti ♪ - ♪ Mmm-hmm ♪
♪ Now you know the deal ♪
♪ But if he's someone else to you ♪
♪ Please do what you feel ♪
♪ If Santa was a penguin ♪
♪ That would be okay ♪
♪ Because all that really matters ♪
♪ It's not the red, red hat Or the fuzzy, fuzzy beard ♪
♪ It's joy on Christmas Day ♪
♪ It's respecting one another ♪
♪ Like they're your sister Or your brother ♪
♪ And spreading cheer on Christmas Day ♪
♪ Being good to everyone you see ♪
♪ And leaving me cookies ♪
♪ The true spirit of the holiday ♪
By the way, you got any cookies?
[Urkel] No.
Santa, I, uh...
I may have screwed up the holidays.
It's okay. I have other cookies.
Now, what brings you to the North Pole?
Haven't you seen?
I messed up everything back home.
I kind of blew up the mall, twice.
I built a game-changing, holiday-ruining app.
I turned Department Store Santa into a meme.
People are calling him No Pantsa Claus.
Sorry, I don't have Wi-Fi up here,
but I'd have maybe gone with Santa Drawers.
Santa, I was trying so hard to impress you this year
that I wrecked everything!
Why were you trying to impress me?
Because you're Santa.
The Santa Claus.
You're amazing!
And you're only going to come if everything is perfect.
The lights, the cheer, even me.
I built this watch to make sure I did everything right
and bring you to Chicago
and fulfill everyone's Christmas wishes.
Hmm. What do you want this year?
Some Serbian donkey cheese, if I remember correctly.
Right now, my wish would be to fix everything back home.
And I clearly haven't earned that.
Well, between you and me, I'm not really keeping score
on whether you've been naughty or nice.
What?
Oh, Steve.
Take a seat with me at this piano a moment.
♪ I'm not keeping score ♪
♪ That's not what Christmas is for ♪
♪ It's not some holiday test ♪
♪ To force you to be your best ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ If I was watching your every move ♪
♪ That could feel pretty scary ♪
♪ And the stress to not screw things up ♪
♪ Would be a lot for a kid to carry ♪
♪ You're still learning How the world works ♪
♪ So you're bound to make mistakes ♪
♪ You know The real test of your mettle ♪
♪ Is what you do when something breaks ♪
♪ It's stepping in To say I'm sorry ♪
♪ And then trying to make amends ♪
♪ With the person who your action hurt ♪
♪ Whether strangers Family or friends ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ I'm not keeping score ♪
♪ That's not what Christmas is for ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ It's not some holiday test ♪
♪ To force you to be your best ♪
♪ Let's say you wanted a dirt bike ♪
♪ And you were good all year long ♪
♪ But it didn't show up on Christmas ♪
♪ Would you think you did something wrong? ♪
♪ Would you feel kind of hurt? ♪
♪ Would you scream Oh, what's the point? ♪
♪ And no matter how we behave ♪
♪ We don't always get what we want ♪
♪ My Christmas wish Is that kids are good ♪
♪ Because that's who they want to be ♪
♪ Not because They feel pressure ♪
♪ To try and impress me ♪
♪ Because I'm not keeping score ♪
♪ That's not what Christmas is for ♪
♪ It's not some holiday test ♪
♪ To force you to be your best ♪
♪ I'm not keeping ♪
♪ Score ♪
♪ I'm not keeping score ♪
[elf] Cut back on the cookies.
I do want to be a good person,
but I guess I thought I needed to be even more special
or Christmas wouldn't come.
Isn't that why you have naughty and nice lists?
I mean, don't all the Department Store Santas report back to you?
Sure, but just to tell me what things kids want this year.
I don't want to make a bunch of wagons if kids aren't into them.
The elves hate when wagons go to waste.
I still messed up pretty bad.
I don't think anyone will ever forgive me.
You won't know unless you try.
I'm scared to go home.
What if I ruin things again?
Maybe I can stay here,
officially become one of your helpers.
I'm willing to do whatever it takes.
[Urkel grunts]
Oh.
[Urkel gasps]
Is there an application fee?
Uh, no.
I mean, are you just going to run away?
Won't people miss you?
No. They're better off without me.
You sure about that?
Steve, why do you celebrate every December holiday?
You're not Jewish, and yet you help Mr. Kalan
celebrate Hanukkah every year.
And on New Year's Eve, you're always helping
the Kochiyama family clean their house for Omisoka.
Because Mr. Kalan's my friend,
and he shouldn't have to celebrate the holidays by himself.
And the Kochiyama family matter to me,
so I just want to know what's special and important to them.
Kid, those are nicer gifts than anything
this freakishly beautiful yeti
in a red suit could ever build.
- You might be a little-- - Eager?
But as long as you care about the people around you,
then you're officially helping me spread holiday cheer.
It's not about how many lights you put up
or how many cookies you leave out.
Although the more the merrier.
You're right, Santa.
And if I really care,
then I need to go back home and clean up my mess.
See, Steve, you don't need a watch
to tell you the right thing to do.
Dudley's got everybody fake celebrating the holidays to win money.
Maybe I can build some kind of mind ray.
Not control, but maybe just reprogramming.
And maybe erasing some of their short-term memory.
It shouldn't hurt too much.
Hmm. But maybe you could use an assist.
This holiday season,
could I be your unofficial official helper?
You want to be my helper?
Santa's my helper?
Oh, wow!
Well, I should probably get you an orientation packet,
- and there will be a strict dress code. - Steve.
Or how about just a lift back home to shut Dudley's app down
and remind people to just be good for goodness sake?
Oh, you better watch out.
♪ You better not pout ♪
No, watch out. My reindeer are pulling up.
[Urkel gasps]
Wanna go fix the holidays?
Yes!
What was that song you were singing?
"Santa Claus Is Coming To Town."
- Who sings it? - Everybody.
Have you never heard any of the Christmas carols people sing about you?
[chuckles] No. I don't have the Internet.
And I'm not that self-absorbed.
Are they good songs?
What if we change the value of points
based on how many people are using the app at a certain time?
We'd call it surge nicing.
[VDI] Ethically questionable.
But business wise, it will make you richer.
Perfect. L-O-L-O-L-O-L.
[Urkel] Whoa!
Stop! [grunts]
@steveurkel? And a Bigfoot?
Hey, I'm Santa!
Whoa! Santa's a Bigfoot?
Explosion emoji, man.
You just disrupted my mind right there. Wow.
Dudley, we've got to shut the app down.
We've turned everyone into a bunch of holiday zombies
that are only pretending to be nice to get a reward.
I know. I am on the precipice
of something #epic.
For a reward, I'm getting people to do whatever I want.
I can make them be merry if I want.
But why stop at the holidays?
I could also tell them what to buy,
or how to think or how to vote. [chuckles]
The possibilities are endless.
Well, aren't we supposed to be
disrupting people's lives for the better?
Uh, yeah.
And what's better than getting everyone to do what I tell them?
I'm a genius.
I'm changing the world.
I'd be like Santa,
but year around and with way better hair.
Excuse me? Have you seen these locks?
What you're doing is nothing like Santa.
Oh, please. Isn't that what Christmas is?
You just pretend to be nice to get a dolly or a video game.
All to please a reclusive, well-resourced mogul
who lives in a hard-to-reach place.
Say hey with five "Y"s to your new Santa.
Oh, no. That's cultural appropriation, honey.
This is a mistake!
I want my tech back.
Uh, remember when I sang you a song
about moving fast and breaking things?
Well, I've got another song I'd like to sing for you.
It's called "No Backsies." And a one, a two--
No!
If you're not going to shut it down,
then I'll have to shut you down.
You ever see that GIF where someone's like, "Come. Get some."
I'm about to make one of my own.
Are you sure about this, Steve?
You're a little boy, he's a grown adult.
[Urkel screaming]
That escalated quickly.
[screaming]
Huh?
Well, I did not see that coming.
[VDI] It's how real Gs settle their differences.
When the "G" stands for genius.
Seeing as how you're an uninvited guest on my yacht air balloon,
I'll give you the honor of going first.
Big mistake.
People are selfish, @steveurkel.
They only want to be nice to get something.
- You are wrong, Dudley! - [Dudley] Whoa!
[Urkel] Hmm.
Uh-oh.
Ah! [grunts in frustration]
[Dudley laughing]
[Dudley] Whoopsie.
A-ha! [grunts]
I'm just making some extra money to get my dad a gift.
This is better than basketball.
You want me to celebrate Hanukkah with your robot?
Donkey cheese.
What?
- [Urkel] Ah! - Hey!
Ho-ho-ho.
Check and mate.
[Dudley groaning]
Skull emoji.
Oh.
Did I do that?
I think I did.
Yeah! Oh!
[whinnies]
[Urkel] Uh-oh.
[all screaming]
Oh, no! Please no!
Well, that doesn't look good.
[people screaming]
Is everyone okay?
Oh, Santa.
No, Steve, I'm fine.
Magical being, remember?
Dudley, I'm sorry I broke your ship.
You know, I can work it off to pay you back.
All the money I made from the Von Durffel app kind of makes us even.
If you had asked for even a small cut...
[laughs] Ow! ...you'd be rich.
But...
♪ No backsies That's what I said. No... ♪
I forget the rest, but it's really cool.
I don't invent things to get rich.
I do it to bring happiness to people.
[Dudley laughing]
ROTFL.
Happiness is overrated, @steveurkel.
People have already had a taste of the future,
and they're not going back.
This is the future, okay?
Embrace it.
Your old ideas about being nice
have been disrupted by something better,
by someone better.
By me! [chuckles]
What's going on? Did the app crash?
Will these points count? I need my points!
Points!
I can't finish these decorations if I don't have my points.
Mrs. P, stop!
You don't need to hang Mr. Kalan's lights for points.
Yes, I do!
Why else would I do this?
Because he's your neighbor.
And even though you two argue sometimes,
you worry about him climbing on a ladder because he's so old.
Hey, words hurt!
That's not winning you any holiday cheer points.
Being nice isn't a game to win.
I see that now.
The holidays aren't something we do for points.
[all] Points.
We celebrate the holidays because it's an excuse to check in on someone
when they have a bad day
and offer to take him caroling.
Being with a friend to celebrate Hanukkah
because you enjoy each other's company.
It's not a bunch of empty gestures to win a prize.
[all] Points?
It's celebrating each day like a holiday.
Because the people around us are gifts.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
How is he broadcasting from the Von Durffel game?
Magical being, honey. Boop!
[Urkel] It's not about proving how good we are,
but recognizing how lucky we are.
Presents and treats are great,
but the holidays are a reminder
of how important we are to one another.
Wow, you're still corny.
[Robin and Urkel mimicking munching]
[Robin and Urkel laughing]
The nicest thing you can do is to celebrate each other.
That's why I love December so much.
Holiday boy!
Were you about to sing?
Uh, yes.
Well, not without me!
♪ Driving a bus ♪
♪ Is a hard job ♪
♪ Where I often feel alone ♪
♪ Truth is You lift my spirits ♪
♪ I just wish You were a baritone ♪
♪ I love December ♪
♪ It's a great time of the year ♪
♪ From the first to the 31st ♪
♪ Let's celebrate all the good cheer ♪
♪ We may celebrate different holidays ♪
♪ But December brings us all together ♪
♪ With the shared love of our traditions ♪
♪ And a hatred for cold weather ♪
♪ We love going block to block ♪
♪ To see the neighborhood lights ♪
♪ And caroling door to door ♪
♪ As long as we've got the music rights ♪
Oh, he gets to sing?
No, thank you.
If I don't get to sing, nobody gets to sing.
♪ No backsies ♪
[VDI] Sir, you appear to have a problem.
Am I off key?
[VDI] Enormously so.
But in your rush to get the Von Durffel game online,
you moved a little too fast.
Ugh. What did I break?
[VDI] The company.
The shareholders are meeting right now to vote you out.
[exclaims] No, they can't do that.
[VDI] If you had read the user agreement of your contract,
you'd see they very much can.
No one ever reads those! Come on!
♪ A Department Store Santa Is more than just a shift ♪
♪ It's seeing the joy on someone's face ♪
♪ When they find that perfect gift ♪
[Robin's dad] ♪ I never thought I was a helmet guy ♪
♪ But I look amazin' ♪
♪ And you must be impressed ♪
♪ Your old man Sounds like T-Pazin ♪
It's T-Pain, Dad.
Who is T-Pazin?
[speaking Spanish]
♪ Celebrating Hanukkah You help honor my history ♪
♪ And the principles of Kwanzaa ♪
♪ Empower community ♪
♪ The solstice is the time we reflect ♪
♪ While we look forward ♪
♪ Festivus is from a TV show ♪
♪ Does that make it awkward? ♪
♪ Not as long as You love December ♪
♪ And respect that I do, too ♪
♪ It's not just about a Christmas tree ♪
♪ This month's about... ♪
I told you, kiddo. You're a gift.
Thanks, Santa.
- [Santa] Hmm. - [Urkel] Aw.
♪ ...Thirty-first ♪
♪ Let's celebrate All the good cheer ♪
The block looks amazing.
Is that house decorated for Soyal?
Wow!
And there's one for Kwanzaa.
This is really great.
It's not complete until you decorate your house.
It looks like now the whole block is waiting on you.
Oh, Mrs. Paxson, you silly goose.
I decorated last March.
I was just waiting on everybody else.
I'm really excited about my light display this year.
I hooked it up to a solar battery
so you don't have to worry about blowing out the power to the street.
Unlike last year.
Did I do that?
[alarm beeping]
[gasps]
[donkey brays]
Donkey cheese!
[inaudible]