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Downloaded from
YTS.MX

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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX

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PREACHING TO THE CHOIR
STAGE

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WHINDERSSON NUNES: PREACHING TO THE CHOIR

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What's up, Porto?

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Portugal!

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Yeah!

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People up top?

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00:01:04,208 --> 00:01:05,333
People down here?

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Thank you very much.

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Awesome!

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Any folks from Mozambique?

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Mozambique? You?

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Angola?

15
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Cape Verde?

16
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Portuguese people?

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Brazilians?

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Give it up for yourselves. Thank you.

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Let's welcome our musician, Luan Murilho.

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Give it up for Luan Murilho.

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Thank you for coming here today.

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00:01:41,708 --> 00:01:45,041
The name of this show is
Preaching to the Choir

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because we're gonna preach, right?

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Preaching is necessary.

25
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Because often…

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to speak of certain things
we must speak in certain ways.

27
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To make people realize
the world is ending.

28
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That's my message to you tonight.

29
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We had it way too good.

30
00:02:09,041 --> 00:02:13,916
Things are changing. Things that used
to be rare happen all the time now.

31
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Every day you hear
about a tornado or a tsunami.

32
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There's so much happening, man.

33
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Pandemics.

34
00:02:20,708 --> 00:02:23,208
Gkay parties…
There's so much all the time.

35
00:02:24,333 --> 00:02:28,625
No, Gkay's parties really are impressive
for their eclectic music.

36
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I've never seen so many
different musical styles on one stage.

37
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First, it's Léo Santana.

38
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Then it's Matuê,
who is completely different.

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Matuê sings, "You wanna fly?"
No one's on that vibe.

40
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Different vibe.

41
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Then Iron Maiden comes out.

42
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In the morning,
Padre Fábio de Melo. My God!

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Everyone's high on inhalants,
some are praying…

44
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The world is ending.
Everything's different.

45
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We won't spend the next 20 years
the way we spent the previous ones.

46
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All 20 were the same.

47
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The year 2000 felt like 2001,
2001 was like 2002.

48
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Not today, now everything
is always changing, updating.

49
00:03:07,791 --> 00:03:12,125
It's not even people's voices
in their videos anymore, it's Google's.

50
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"I told my husband the kid was his."

51
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"LOL."

52
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You go, "My God."

53
00:03:22,958 --> 00:03:26,500
You can't refer people
to an engineer's Instagram anymore.

54
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Who knows what he posts.

55
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I once recommended
my engineer friend to someone.

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I went to his page,

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the first video on there was, "Frieza!"

58
00:03:36,916 --> 00:03:38,583
"Why did you kill Krillin?"

59
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How am I supposed to recommend
this guy to build a house?

60
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Should I add a disclaimer?

61
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"He's talented, but skip the first video."

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"Why?" I'll say, "Because he's angry."

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You think it's an old meme,
but it's already the remix.

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The dude goes, "Frieza!"

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Everything happens so fast.

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You can't show up late
for a haircut anymore.

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They have to spend five minutes
filming your head

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to make a video.

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What are you supposed to do
while someone films your head?

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What do you do?

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You're all wrapped up in a towel,
looking like an idiot.

72
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If you order water at a restaurant,
the waiters are all like…

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"Stop the show, man. I'm thirsty."

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Everything's different.
We lost the simple things.

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Everyday stuff.

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Like phone books.

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Who here has ever seen a phone book?

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It was a book with everyone's
name, address, and phone number.

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"How did you find me?"
"You're in the book, you can't hide."

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We'd make prank calls.
No one knew who anyone was.

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"Do you work in clothing?"

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"No." "So you work naked?"

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Hang up. Fuck 'em.

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No one knew it was me.

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These things were stolen from us.

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By the algorithm.

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What's that?

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It's the intelligence behind your phone

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that chooses
what you're most likely to enjoy.

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You don't need to say,
"I don't like TikTok."

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It takes out things you don't watch
and leaves what you do.

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"You like cats?"

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"Check this out." Then it sends another.

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"Look at this one drinking."
"Oh, how cute."

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Suddenly, you're like every other idiot
with your face glued to your phone.

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My algorithm learned exactly what I like,
and that's all it sends me.

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Which is videos
of burglars who can't hide.

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It's great.

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Brazilian cops are comedians.

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They're filming,
"Where is he? I don't see him."

101
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He's there with a tablecloth
and a vase on his back…

102
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A coffee table.

103
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I can't take it.

104
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I really can't.

105
00:06:04,750 --> 00:06:07,000
I saw one disguised as a water cooler.

106
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Dude threw a tablecloth on
and held the gallon jug…

107
00:06:11,583 --> 00:06:14,625
The cops walked in like,
"I think he escaped."

108
00:06:14,708 --> 00:06:17,625
"I'll just have some water."
They're filming.

109
00:06:17,708 --> 00:06:19,416
The guy even made the noises…

110
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He's seen way too much Tom & Jerry.

111
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No way.

112
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The world is ending, man.

113
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We had it way too good.

114
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There's a war going on.

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It's close to here, so you're tense.

116
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We're not tense at all in Brazil.

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We joke about it.

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Make memes.

119
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Brazil loves to be uninvolved.
No one messes with us.

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No one.

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That might seem comforting,
but it worries me.

122
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I keep wondering
why no one messes with us.

123
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What do they know that we don't know?

124
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I get worried.

125
00:06:58,916 --> 00:07:02,125
I think other countries view us
as a kid playing, like…

126
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That's gotta be it.

127
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"Attack them!"

128
00:07:14,625 --> 00:07:16,583
"No, let him play motorcycle."

129
00:07:18,541 --> 00:07:20,916
I was worried, so I Googled it.

130
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"Brazil's firepower."

131
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Apparently,

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we have enough bullets
for two hours of war.

133
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It's gotta be a strategy.

134
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Because I saw on Twitter
that they purchased 35,000 Viagra pills

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for the Brazilian army.

136
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Strategy!

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That's how we are.

138
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"When we're out of bullets,
we've got a different gun."

139
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Don't even try it.

140
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Don't even try it.

141
00:08:01,250 --> 00:08:03,500
"You wanna invade Brazil, fucker?"

142
00:08:04,666 --> 00:08:07,000
"Here's your Pernambuco." No way.

143
00:08:10,541 --> 00:08:14,791
I found out our air base
is in Natal, Rio Grande do Norte.

144
00:08:15,458 --> 00:08:16,875
Anyone from Natal here?

145
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If you're from Natal, tell me,

146
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who's gonna attack Natal?

147
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Why are the planes there?

148
00:08:25,166 --> 00:08:28,916
It's a three-hour flight to São Paulo,
the war will be over by then.

149
00:08:30,958 --> 00:08:34,750
So you can look down from the plane?
"Yikes, it all burned down."

150
00:08:36,833 --> 00:08:38,041
The world is ending.

151
00:08:39,208 --> 00:08:42,750
Tell the brother next to you,
"Watch out for the apocalypse."

152
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Watch out.

153
00:08:45,625 --> 00:08:48,125
We don't even know how the world will end.

154
00:08:48,625 --> 00:08:50,625
Because we think we're so special,

155
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the most important species on Earth.

156
00:08:54,333 --> 00:08:57,541
The world has ended multiple times
and we have no idea.

157
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What if it ends like Bird Box?

158
00:09:00,875 --> 00:09:03,666
We have to be silent or we get eaten.

159
00:09:04,750 --> 00:09:07,083
People with allergies
will get everyone killed.

160
00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:10,250
Dude's like, "Be quiet," and I'm like…

161
00:09:12,125 --> 00:09:14,833
The monster comes in…
Kills me and 12 others.

162
00:09:16,500 --> 00:09:18,500
Medicine doesn't heal anymore.

163
00:09:19,541 --> 00:09:21,666
It just replaces your symptoms.

164
00:09:22,750 --> 00:09:24,833
It should be marketed as a converter.

165
00:09:25,458 --> 00:09:29,708
"This painkiller makes you puke."
"Sounds better than a headache."

166
00:09:30,541 --> 00:09:32,791
Cold medication makes you sleepy.

167
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Perfect.

168
00:09:35,291 --> 00:09:37,750
You can't sneeze while you're sleeping.

169
00:09:38,333 --> 00:09:40,583
Whoever thought that up is a genius.

170
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Everything's backwards.

171
00:09:44,875 --> 00:09:46,708
Everything's changing.

172
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The meaning of traffic lights
has changed in Brazil.

173
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Green means "go," yellow means
"be careful," red means "stop."

174
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Who stops at red after midnight in Brazil?

175
00:09:58,333 --> 00:10:00,916
"No fucking way I'm stopping here."

176
00:10:01,416 --> 00:10:04,708
They'll break my window
with a brick and rob me.

177
00:10:04,791 --> 00:10:07,875
I could get a ticket,
but I'll claim self-defense.

178
00:10:09,083 --> 00:10:12,041
People don't go anymore
when the light turns green.

179
00:10:12,666 --> 00:10:15,500
Because they know
someone is running a red light.

180
00:10:16,458 --> 00:10:17,791
They're gonna get hit.

181
00:10:18,875 --> 00:10:21,208
Robbers attack at green lights now.

182
00:10:22,708 --> 00:10:25,000
Everything's backwards, there's no escape.

183
00:10:26,250 --> 00:10:28,625
You can't get an Uber anymore in Brazil.

184
00:10:29,291 --> 00:10:32,625
The guy accepts the ride,
then says, "Not my problem."

185
00:10:34,333 --> 00:10:36,750
He's not coming. His only job is to come.

186
00:10:37,541 --> 00:10:40,458
Now you have to take a taxi to your Uber.

187
00:10:43,500 --> 00:10:45,750
I found out something really shocking.

188
00:10:46,250 --> 00:10:49,166
Let's see who's surprised
and who's pretending.

189
00:10:49,250 --> 00:10:52,750
I found out that in some places in Brazil,

190
00:10:53,916 --> 00:10:56,833
if there's a pack of black Halls
on the dashboard,

191
00:10:57,416 --> 00:11:00,500
that means the driver
accepts blowjobs as payment.

192
00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:08,958
Sometimes it's better not to know.

193
00:11:09,458 --> 00:11:11,666
That really disturbs me.

194
00:11:11,750 --> 00:11:13,750
I started reviewing my Uber history.

195
00:11:13,833 --> 00:11:16,625
"My God, what was
on top of the dashboard?"

196
00:11:16,708 --> 00:11:18,708
"Was it a Halls? Oh, God."

197
00:11:19,750 --> 00:11:21,666
"I could have saved some money."

198
00:11:22,333 --> 00:11:25,000
Damn, I hate wasting money.

199
00:11:25,083 --> 00:11:27,708
It bothers me. It drives me crazy.

200
00:11:27,791 --> 00:11:29,833
Now I don't want drivers talking to me.

201
00:11:29,916 --> 00:11:32,125
I don't know what his intentions are.

202
00:11:32,666 --> 00:11:36,250
I think, "If he talks,
I'll let him know what's up."

203
00:11:36,333 --> 00:11:39,875
He offers me water,
"You want me to suck your dick, huh?"

204
00:11:41,375 --> 00:11:43,500
"I'm not into those types of games."

205
00:11:45,166 --> 00:11:46,125
My friends love me.

206
00:11:46,208 --> 00:11:50,791
They say, "If the world ends,
you'll hop on a plane and escape."

207
00:11:50,875 --> 00:11:53,416
I say, "No way! I can't live without you."

208
00:11:53,500 --> 00:11:56,375
We love each other, except for one thing.

209
00:11:56,458 --> 00:11:58,375
I always get all the credit.

210
00:11:58,458 --> 00:11:59,416
It's all me.

211
00:11:59,500 --> 00:12:02,625
But it's not me,
it's how the system works.

212
00:12:03,125 --> 00:12:06,000
It's always been this way.
They want views.

213
00:12:06,083 --> 00:12:09,375
My name brings in views.
That's what they want.

214
00:12:09,875 --> 00:12:12,125
I was at the airport the other day

215
00:12:12,208 --> 00:12:14,083
with Manoel and Mateus.

216
00:12:14,166 --> 00:12:16,541
Two little kids showed up.

217
00:12:16,625 --> 00:12:18,375
"Give us some cash."

218
00:12:18,458 --> 00:12:20,041
I don't carry cash,

219
00:12:20,125 --> 00:12:22,333
so I asked Manoel to give them some.

220
00:12:22,416 --> 00:12:24,541
He was hesitant,
but he took out 100 reais.

221
00:12:24,625 --> 00:12:26,041
I said, "Give another 100."

222
00:12:27,041 --> 00:12:30,291
I think my friends are like me.
As he was getting the money…

223
00:12:30,375 --> 00:12:34,750
The paparazzi are always tailing
famous people at Brazilian airports.

224
00:12:34,833 --> 00:12:37,500
One of them showed up
and took a ton of photos.

225
00:12:37,583 --> 00:12:41,375
The next day's headline was,
"Whindersson Gives Money at Airport."

226
00:12:41,875 --> 00:12:45,000
With a photo of Manoel
with his wallet out, like…

227
00:12:46,166 --> 00:12:49,333
The comments were all,
"Whindersson is so generous."

228
00:12:49,916 --> 00:12:50,833
"Hats off to him."

229
00:12:50,916 --> 00:12:54,416
He sent screenshots to the group chat,
"Whindersson is so generous."

230
00:12:54,916 --> 00:12:56,500
Later, he wanted payback.

231
00:12:56,583 --> 00:12:59,875
"Can you give me back
that money you donated?"

232
00:13:00,833 --> 00:13:04,000
I was like,
"Chill out, man. It's the system."

233
00:13:04,791 --> 00:13:08,458
I love hanging out
with Robson when I'm drunk,

234
00:13:09,125 --> 00:13:11,000
because he never gets drunk.

235
00:13:11,083 --> 00:13:13,958
I take a few sips and I'm already on one.

236
00:13:14,041 --> 00:13:16,375
But I'm not like a European drunk.

237
00:13:16,458 --> 00:13:18,458
European drunks are batshit crazy.

238
00:13:19,083 --> 00:13:20,791
You guys are something else.

239
00:13:20,875 --> 00:13:22,625
I drink and I cry, you know?

240
00:13:23,291 --> 00:13:24,625
I get all lovey-dovey.

241
00:13:24,708 --> 00:13:27,166
"You really mean a lot to me, man."

242
00:13:27,916 --> 00:13:29,458
Way too loving. Not y'all.

243
00:13:29,541 --> 00:13:32,083
You guys yell at your cars.
"What the fuck?"

244
00:13:32,166 --> 00:13:33,375
You fight your cars.

245
00:13:33,875 --> 00:13:37,958
I'm like, "What did that car
say to that guy to make him so angry?"

246
00:13:38,041 --> 00:13:40,541
It's crazy. It's so different.

247
00:13:40,625 --> 00:13:41,833
So I like Robson.

248
00:13:41,916 --> 00:13:43,708
I ask him to protect me.

249
00:13:43,791 --> 00:13:46,666
Because when I drink, people take videos.

250
00:13:46,750 --> 00:13:49,958
"Say this, say that."
And I'm a pushover, so I do it.

251
00:13:50,041 --> 00:13:51,666
I'm totally clueless.

252
00:13:51,750 --> 00:13:56,458
One day they asked me about vaccines
because they wanted a hot take.

253
00:13:56,541 --> 00:13:57,958
"What's your opinion?"

254
00:13:58,041 --> 00:14:00,500
"Man, I think…" I was drunk.

255
00:14:00,583 --> 00:14:04,000
"…it should be given without consent."

256
00:14:04,500 --> 00:14:06,083
The guy's filming, "What?"

257
00:14:06,166 --> 00:14:09,708
"We should give it to Native people
to shoot at us like…"

258
00:14:18,500 --> 00:14:21,666
You'd only know
which brand you got afterwards.

259
00:14:21,750 --> 00:14:23,833
"I think this one was AstraZeneca."

260
00:14:25,875 --> 00:14:26,875
Only afterwards.

261
00:14:29,583 --> 00:14:30,791
The world is ending.

262
00:14:32,666 --> 00:14:36,916
Sometimes Robson and I go out for drinks
and we take an Uber home.

263
00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:38,916
The driver goes nuts when he sees me.

264
00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:41,750
"Oh, my God,
Whindersson is drunk in my car."

265
00:14:41,833 --> 00:14:45,625
"I'll offer him water."
"Robson, he wants me to suck his dick."

266
00:14:48,750 --> 00:14:49,875
"Fuck, man!"

267
00:14:57,208 --> 00:14:59,375
"I can't do it, man!"

268
00:15:00,375 --> 00:15:02,375
"The press will have a field day."

269
00:15:06,541 --> 00:15:07,958
"Suck his dick, Robson."

270
00:15:13,791 --> 00:15:17,750
When he gets mad at me later,
I say, "It's not me, it's the system."

271
00:15:18,708 --> 00:15:20,708
The world really is ending.

272
00:15:22,458 --> 00:15:24,750
Public services
don't work together in Brazil.

273
00:15:24,833 --> 00:15:26,375
We lack planning.

274
00:15:26,458 --> 00:15:29,166
As a Brazilian, I can say it.
We lack planning.

275
00:15:29,250 --> 00:15:32,291
What's the first thing
stores ran out of during the pandemic?

276
00:15:32,375 --> 00:15:33,541
Toilet paper.

277
00:15:34,541 --> 00:15:37,958
We were more worried
about wiping our asses than eating.

278
00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:41,458
Is that good planning? Ass before mouth?

279
00:15:44,541 --> 00:15:46,041
Utilities don't work together.

280
00:15:46,125 --> 00:15:48,541
We had two services
in my town, basic sewage

281
00:15:49,500 --> 00:15:51,125
and pothole repair.

282
00:15:51,208 --> 00:15:53,583
One day, pothole repair
fixed the potholes.

283
00:15:53,666 --> 00:15:58,166
The next day, the sewage people
busted up the asphalt to change the pipes.

284
00:15:58,250 --> 00:15:59,375
Talk to each other!

285
00:16:00,125 --> 00:16:03,291
We have basic sewage problems in Brazil.

286
00:16:04,125 --> 00:16:05,875
It's in the name. Basic.

287
00:16:05,958 --> 00:16:07,666
The sewage is…

288
00:16:07,750 --> 00:16:09,666
-Basic!
-It's not plus.

289
00:16:10,583 --> 00:16:11,708
It's not premium.

290
00:16:12,833 --> 00:16:14,708
It's not golden. It's basic.

291
00:16:15,208 --> 00:16:16,916
It's putting two pipes

292
00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:19,625
in front of your house,
so shit doesn't float around.

293
00:16:20,791 --> 00:16:21,708
Two pipes.

294
00:16:21,791 --> 00:16:24,916
We used to have
a class called Social Studies.

295
00:16:25,541 --> 00:16:27,875
You just had to interpret the pictures.

296
00:16:27,958 --> 00:16:32,375
Pictures to help you learn. There was one
picture of a kid shitting behind a bush.

297
00:16:32,458 --> 00:16:35,958
There was the shit,
and then a foot with an "x" that meant,

298
00:16:36,041 --> 00:16:39,291
"Don't step on shit. It's bad for you."

299
00:16:40,666 --> 00:16:43,166
Basic sanitation is about quality of life.

300
00:16:43,250 --> 00:16:46,458
Some kids in Brazil walk through
open sewage to go to school.

301
00:16:46,541 --> 00:16:48,875
Walking through sewage to go to school…

302
00:16:48,958 --> 00:16:51,083
Kid shows up to school stinking.

303
00:16:51,666 --> 00:16:52,958
He's got a nickname.

304
00:16:53,041 --> 00:16:54,208
"He's here."

305
00:16:54,291 --> 00:16:55,666
"Who?" The kids go…

306
00:16:57,625 --> 00:16:58,541
"Who?" They go…

307
00:16:59,583 --> 00:17:03,458
The kid doesn't even know it's him.
"Who are we laughing at?"

308
00:17:03,541 --> 00:17:05,458
The poor kid's humiliated.

309
00:17:05,541 --> 00:17:08,083
Sometimes he sees things he shouldn't.

310
00:17:08,166 --> 00:17:11,500
A news report
showing a body in the sewage.

311
00:17:11,583 --> 00:17:13,833
"He was killed nearby!"

312
00:17:14,666 --> 00:17:17,291
Making content to show us on TV.

313
00:17:17,375 --> 00:17:18,416
The news at noon.

314
00:17:18,500 --> 00:17:20,958
Why do Brazilians
want to see that at noon?

315
00:17:21,041 --> 00:17:24,208
We can't work up an appetite
without a dead body.

316
00:17:24,291 --> 00:17:25,208
I don't get it.

317
00:17:25,291 --> 00:17:27,083
You should see my dad at lunch.

318
00:17:27,166 --> 00:17:30,833
The TV goes, "Fourteen stab wounds!"
My dad's sucking chicken bones, like…

319
00:17:32,208 --> 00:17:34,625
He even goes back for seconds. My God.

320
00:17:35,541 --> 00:17:38,416
Kids see that stuff
and they think it's funny.

321
00:17:38,500 --> 00:17:41,333
They're behind the reporter,
trying to get on TV.

322
00:17:42,500 --> 00:17:43,708
To get on TV, man.

323
00:17:44,208 --> 00:17:46,708
They grow up not knowing right from wrong.

324
00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:50,125
They turn into psychos, Joker-style.

325
00:17:51,083 --> 00:17:53,083
Everyone has an inner Joker.

326
00:17:53,833 --> 00:17:55,500
It's weird to say, but it's true.

327
00:17:55,583 --> 00:17:58,833
Tell the brother next to you,
"Watch out for the Joker."

328
00:17:59,625 --> 00:18:02,833
Say it louder. You're shy.
"Watch out for the Joker."

329
00:18:02,916 --> 00:18:04,958
-Watch out for the Joker.
-Watch out.

330
00:18:05,041 --> 00:18:06,416
What is an inner Joker?

331
00:18:06,500 --> 00:18:10,250
It's the moment
when you decide how you'll react

332
00:18:10,333 --> 00:18:11,833
to humiliation.

333
00:18:13,458 --> 00:18:16,750
When do you meet him?
Usually when you get beat.

334
00:18:16,833 --> 00:18:20,000
Not every time, though.
We're not hypocrites, we reflect.

335
00:18:20,083 --> 00:18:22,250
Even as kids we understand things.

336
00:18:22,333 --> 00:18:24,500
Sometimes after a beating, you think,

337
00:18:24,583 --> 00:18:27,583
"Okay, I screwed up." It made sense.

338
00:18:28,166 --> 00:18:31,666
If you're poor and you break stuff,
you get beat.

339
00:18:31,750 --> 00:18:32,666
That made sense.

340
00:18:32,750 --> 00:18:35,708
Sometimes it's not about teaching
but humiliation.

341
00:18:35,791 --> 00:18:37,833
And you know immediately.

342
00:18:37,916 --> 00:18:41,333
In my case, my family was chaotic.

343
00:18:42,375 --> 00:18:45,375
A lot of you can relate
or know someone who can.

344
00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:50,750
There's so much fighting at home
that you'd rather stay out.

345
00:18:50,833 --> 00:18:52,500
For group projects at school,

346
00:18:52,583 --> 00:18:54,500
I'd always say, "Not at my house."

347
00:18:54,583 --> 00:18:57,041
"Let's go to Crackland, it's nicer."

348
00:18:57,125 --> 00:19:00,125
"We'll learn so much more
there than at my house."

349
00:19:00,208 --> 00:19:03,541
I hated it!
My dad would wake up already mad.

350
00:19:03,625 --> 00:19:05,625
My mom too.

351
00:19:05,708 --> 00:19:07,708
My dad going to make some coffee,

352
00:19:07,791 --> 00:19:10,125
"Is there no coffee in this damn house?"

353
00:19:10,208 --> 00:19:13,833
My mom, "You want coffee?
Here's your coffee!"

354
00:19:13,916 --> 00:19:15,708
"I can't drink without a mug!"

355
00:19:16,958 --> 00:19:19,791
My sister would point at me.
"He broke it!"

356
00:19:20,666 --> 00:19:21,500
Yeah.

357
00:19:22,125 --> 00:19:23,958
Fuck. It was awful, man.

358
00:19:24,458 --> 00:19:26,458
The problem in my house was money.

359
00:19:26,958 --> 00:19:30,291
We couldn't afford anything.
Not my mom or my dad.

360
00:19:30,375 --> 00:19:33,625
My brother was a rebel. "Fuck society!"

361
00:19:34,625 --> 00:19:37,000
He had those freaky posters on his door.

362
00:19:37,083 --> 00:19:38,250
A really weird kid.

363
00:19:39,958 --> 00:19:43,458
Things changed over time.
My parents got better jobs.

364
00:19:43,541 --> 00:19:45,833
My brother went to college,
started bathing.

365
00:19:47,708 --> 00:19:48,625
"Good morning."

366
00:19:48,708 --> 00:19:51,541
"Who is this young man?" I wondered.

367
00:19:51,625 --> 00:19:54,458
I thought maybe
I could start having people over.

368
00:19:55,125 --> 00:19:58,125
One day at school,
the teacher had us work in pairs.

369
00:19:58,708 --> 00:20:02,500
A girl I liked asked me to pair up.
I went, "Stop, Daddy."

370
00:20:03,416 --> 00:20:06,625
She asked where.
I said, "At yours truly's, of course."

371
00:20:07,791 --> 00:20:09,791
"Follow my lead." And off we went.

372
00:20:10,541 --> 00:20:13,333
We didn't go to my room,
because we were kids.

373
00:20:13,958 --> 00:20:18,083
We didn't go to my room. We stayed
in the living room and read books.

374
00:20:18,166 --> 00:20:21,208
We laughed at silly names.
"Treaty of Tordesillas."

375
00:20:22,458 --> 00:20:25,541
We'd be like, "That sounds like tortilla!"

376
00:20:27,125 --> 00:20:28,791
My mom comes out of my room

377
00:20:29,958 --> 00:20:31,375
holding my underwear.

378
00:20:32,416 --> 00:20:34,250
She walks up to the girl and says,

379
00:20:34,333 --> 00:20:37,750
"Are you sure
you wanna date this stinky boy?"

380
00:20:38,541 --> 00:20:40,375
Then she started doing stand-up.

381
00:20:40,458 --> 00:20:44,625
"Girl, cockroaches go by his room
and go… then leave."

382
00:20:45,458 --> 00:20:49,166
"They say, 'He must
be playing with shit in there. Good God.'"

383
00:20:49,250 --> 00:20:52,041
I'm like,
"Jesus Christ, what is she doing?"

384
00:20:53,791 --> 00:20:54,916
What the hell, man?

385
00:20:58,458 --> 00:20:59,333
No!

386
00:20:59,416 --> 00:21:01,000
I'm in shock.

387
00:21:01,708 --> 00:21:04,125
The girl's in shock. She's shaking.

388
00:21:04,708 --> 00:21:06,000
"What is she doing?"

389
00:21:06,083 --> 00:21:09,583
My mom comes over
and hits me with my underwear three times.

390
00:21:10,291 --> 00:21:12,000
Why?

391
00:21:14,791 --> 00:21:16,708
Then she whispered in my ear,

392
00:21:16,791 --> 00:21:19,708
"I told you I'd do it
in front of people one day."

393
00:21:20,291 --> 00:21:22,541
I said, "Oh, I get it."

394
00:21:22,625 --> 00:21:25,458
"You're showing me who's boss.
You're the boss."

395
00:21:25,541 --> 00:21:29,708
I had it under control.
I told the girl, "My mom loves to joke."

396
00:21:29,791 --> 00:21:31,083
"No, don't cry."

397
00:21:32,875 --> 00:21:37,125
"I'm used to it."
She left in shock, shaking like this…

398
00:21:37,625 --> 00:21:38,833
She was shook!

399
00:21:38,916 --> 00:21:41,791
I held it in until I got to my room,

400
00:21:41,875 --> 00:21:44,541
because a teenager's room is their world.

401
00:21:44,625 --> 00:21:47,125
That's why you should
keep an eye on their rooms.

402
00:21:47,208 --> 00:21:48,958
That's where they go crazy.

403
00:21:49,041 --> 00:21:52,750
That's where they
get crazy with their dongs, like…

404
00:21:53,750 --> 00:21:56,875
It's the only place in the world
where you'd be bold enough

405
00:21:56,958 --> 00:21:58,625
to look at your own asshole.

406
00:21:59,958 --> 00:22:01,791
I held it in until I got to my room.

407
00:22:01,875 --> 00:22:04,791
When I opened the door,
I let it all out, like,

408
00:22:05,875 --> 00:22:07,333
"I will never

409
00:22:07,416 --> 00:22:09,833
bring anyone else to this shithole!"

410
00:22:10,625 --> 00:22:12,375
"Piece of shit house!"

411
00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:15,333
"Piece of shit house!"

412
00:22:18,291 --> 00:22:19,541
"Piece of shit dong!"

413
00:22:36,125 --> 00:22:38,541
Crying so hard I had the hiccups, man.

414
00:22:45,083 --> 00:22:46,208
I hate crying, man.

415
00:22:46,750 --> 00:22:50,000
I look ugly when I cry,
like one of those Chinese masks.

416
00:22:52,750 --> 00:22:53,708
I don't like it.

417
00:22:54,625 --> 00:22:56,250
My lips get big, like…

418
00:23:00,666 --> 00:23:03,000
That was the first time
I saw my inner Joker.

419
00:23:03,958 --> 00:23:06,416
The first time I cried
looking in the mirror.

420
00:23:07,000 --> 00:23:08,000
Like…

421
00:23:24,333 --> 00:23:25,666
"It didn't even hurt!"

422
00:23:30,750 --> 00:23:33,875
The worst part is
that my underwear wasn't even dirty.

423
00:23:35,041 --> 00:23:38,083
My window looked out over open sewage.

424
00:23:38,166 --> 00:23:41,000
Of course my room
always smelled like shit.

425
00:23:41,875 --> 00:23:44,291
I got beat because of the sewer.

426
00:23:45,125 --> 00:23:47,833
A basic service.
Two pipes would have saved me.

427
00:23:48,916 --> 00:23:50,375
The world is ending.

428
00:23:50,458 --> 00:23:51,833
Animals are done.

429
00:23:51,916 --> 00:23:54,916
We used to only have
one or two to worry about.

430
00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:56,375
One or two, no problem.

431
00:23:57,458 --> 00:24:00,750
"We're running out of macaws."
So we'd help out the macaws.

432
00:24:00,833 --> 00:24:04,791
"Now it's the golden lion tamarin."
So we'd throw in some money.

433
00:24:04,875 --> 00:24:09,375
Today, there are
35,000 endangered species.

434
00:24:10,166 --> 00:24:12,250
There are 35,000.

435
00:24:12,750 --> 00:24:15,875
If they're dying off,
it's because someone's counting.

436
00:24:16,875 --> 00:24:18,916
Of course. They're not guessing.

437
00:24:19,000 --> 00:24:21,958
"Wow, only six ducks migrating."
That's not how it works.

438
00:24:22,041 --> 00:24:24,208
There's a science behind it all.

439
00:24:25,166 --> 00:24:28,166
Google isn't some huge brain

440
00:24:28,250 --> 00:24:30,625
that answers your questions.

441
00:24:30,708 --> 00:24:34,083
Someone went out
and got that information for you.

442
00:24:34,166 --> 00:24:37,333
Even the lines on the world map,
someone spent a day…

443
00:24:37,416 --> 00:24:39,458
"This is Mesopotamia."

444
00:24:40,041 --> 00:24:41,125
…mapping it out.

445
00:24:41,791 --> 00:24:43,083
It all takes work.

446
00:24:44,083 --> 00:24:46,583
The experts learning about animals…

447
00:24:47,125 --> 00:24:49,625
either endangered or in reintroduction…

448
00:24:50,208 --> 00:24:51,041
are biologists.

449
00:24:51,875 --> 00:24:53,708
I like talking about biologists

450
00:24:54,250 --> 00:24:58,041
to remind people there are careers
besides engineers, lawyers, and doctors.

451
00:24:58,125 --> 00:25:00,708
There are tons of jobs,
and they're all useful.

452
00:25:00,791 --> 00:25:02,125
Each one is important.

453
00:25:02,916 --> 00:25:05,541
Biologists go out
and work their asses off.

454
00:25:05,625 --> 00:25:07,500
If you Google,

455
00:25:08,000 --> 00:25:10,125
"What's the world's fastest animal?"

456
00:25:10,750 --> 00:25:13,125
you'll see it's the peregrine falcon.

457
00:25:13,208 --> 00:25:17,916
A bird that flies
480 kilometers per fucking hour.

458
00:25:18,583 --> 00:25:19,791
It's like Formula 1.

459
00:25:20,791 --> 00:25:22,875
It goes 105 meters per second.

460
00:25:22,958 --> 00:25:24,875
A soccer field per second, like…

461
00:25:25,458 --> 00:25:26,291
Gone.

462
00:25:28,375 --> 00:25:30,333
You can see it on Google.

463
00:25:30,833 --> 00:25:33,958
Now, how did the biologists see that?

464
00:25:36,958 --> 00:25:39,333
"Dude, something's flying around here."

465
00:25:41,541 --> 00:25:43,875
Lots of people risk their lives for you.

466
00:25:43,958 --> 00:25:45,958
Maybe you're the one doing it.

467
00:25:46,958 --> 00:25:48,791
Security guards give a lot.

468
00:25:48,875 --> 00:25:51,041
Every event you attend has security.

469
00:25:51,125 --> 00:25:54,208
They even give up their hair.
They're all bald.

470
00:25:54,875 --> 00:25:57,916
You have to be.
You'd be in a fight like, "Come on!"

471
00:25:58,458 --> 00:25:59,291
You can't.

472
00:26:00,458 --> 00:26:02,000
"Did security handle it?"

473
00:26:02,083 --> 00:26:04,041
They're out there like, "Let go."

474
00:26:04,750 --> 00:26:07,166
"Seriously. I'll let go if you let go."

475
00:26:07,791 --> 00:26:09,333
"Let go." It doesn't work.

476
00:26:11,083 --> 00:26:11,916
It doesn't.

477
00:26:18,291 --> 00:26:19,916
The world is ending.

478
00:26:21,041 --> 00:26:23,958
We had it way too good. I keep saying so.

479
00:26:24,958 --> 00:26:28,750
Preaching to the Choir.
You think that's a pun about the church.

480
00:26:28,833 --> 00:26:32,083
"He's dressed like a new-age pastor."

481
00:26:34,291 --> 00:26:37,333
"There's music in the background
by Luan Murilho."

482
00:26:38,166 --> 00:26:41,083
"He's talking like a pastor."
But that's not it.

483
00:26:42,000 --> 00:26:44,750
This isn't a religious sermon,

484
00:26:45,541 --> 00:26:48,125
even though it's called
Preaching to the Choir.

485
00:26:48,208 --> 00:26:52,333
But culture is the only thing
that separates us from animals.

486
00:26:53,166 --> 00:26:57,916
The only thing that separates
a human from an animal is culture.

487
00:26:58,416 --> 00:27:02,500
Only humans
are cultured enough to worship.

488
00:27:02,583 --> 00:27:06,125
What's happening here isn't religious,
but we are worshiping.

489
00:27:06,208 --> 00:27:08,000
Because what are we doing?

490
00:27:08,083 --> 00:27:10,500
We're all gathered

491
00:27:10,583 --> 00:27:14,041
to watch a member
of our species do something.

492
00:27:15,291 --> 00:27:19,291
You will never see a circle of 20 lions
with one in the middle, like…

493
00:27:22,083 --> 00:27:24,958
The other lions are like, "He's got swag."

494
00:27:25,041 --> 00:27:26,416
"Damn!" No.

495
00:27:28,791 --> 00:27:29,625
It's just us.

496
00:27:31,500 --> 00:27:35,000
Culture takes many forms in our lives.

497
00:27:35,083 --> 00:27:36,875
For me, it was theater.

498
00:27:36,958 --> 00:27:39,750
The first time I went,
like you all are now,

499
00:27:39,833 --> 00:27:41,416
to see someone say something,

500
00:27:41,500 --> 00:27:43,875
I was 17 or 18.

501
00:27:43,958 --> 00:27:47,541
But I've watched plays since I was a kid.

502
00:27:48,125 --> 00:27:49,750
Because where I grew up,

503
00:27:49,833 --> 00:27:52,583
they were always performing
The Passion of the Christ.

504
00:27:52,666 --> 00:27:55,875
Who here has seen that movie?
Raise your hand.

505
00:27:56,833 --> 00:28:00,083
Who's seen it as a play
at a church, in a plaza,

506
00:28:00,166 --> 00:28:02,541
at a parade… you'll know what I mean.

507
00:28:02,625 --> 00:28:04,875
The Passion of the Christ
was always around

508
00:28:04,958 --> 00:28:08,000
at a time when I was uneducated.

509
00:28:08,083 --> 00:28:10,583
I didn't live in a big city.
I didn't know a lot.

510
00:28:10,666 --> 00:28:14,375
You know when actors go off-screen
and you look for them behind the TV?

511
00:28:14,958 --> 00:28:18,166
Or when we thought
we could dig a hole to Japan?

512
00:28:18,958 --> 00:28:21,208
That's how I was
with Passion of the Christ.

513
00:28:21,291 --> 00:28:23,958
I thought that was really Jesus.

514
00:28:25,166 --> 00:28:26,125
You know?

515
00:28:26,625 --> 00:28:29,083
I'd cry right along with the old ladies.

516
00:28:29,625 --> 00:28:31,375
They'd go, "That poor man!"

517
00:28:31,458 --> 00:28:34,833
I'd go, "I know! They do this every year."

518
00:28:35,416 --> 00:28:38,291
"What did he do?" I didn't get it.

519
00:28:38,375 --> 00:28:40,041
I'd focus on the main guy.

520
00:28:40,125 --> 00:28:43,541
The banner showed Jesus on the cross,

521
00:28:43,625 --> 00:28:45,625
so I kept my eyes on Jesus.

522
00:28:45,708 --> 00:28:48,875
There's a Roman soldier in the story

523
00:28:48,958 --> 00:28:53,000
who stabs Jesus with a spear
while he's getting crucified.

524
00:28:53,083 --> 00:28:56,125
I found out where he worked
and went to find him.

525
00:28:57,291 --> 00:28:59,000
Four little friends and I.

526
00:28:59,083 --> 00:29:01,875
"You think you're tough, asshole?"
We were nuts.

527
00:29:02,750 --> 00:29:04,375
"You're lucky he survived."

528
00:29:04,916 --> 00:29:08,708
Because I'd seen the actor
who played Jesus in the town square.

529
00:29:09,208 --> 00:29:11,041
"Does Jesus wear Nikes?"

530
00:29:11,125 --> 00:29:12,416
"My God."

531
00:29:13,208 --> 00:29:14,833
"I guess he did earn them."

532
00:29:15,333 --> 00:29:18,541
I found out he wasn't Jesus
because the guy messed up.

533
00:29:18,625 --> 00:29:21,000
Let me make something clear,

534
00:29:21,083 --> 00:29:23,500
even for you watching at home…

535
00:29:23,583 --> 00:29:25,791
I'm not talking about religion.

536
00:29:25,875 --> 00:29:27,541
It's a technical discussion.

537
00:29:28,375 --> 00:29:29,916
I'm talking cables.

538
00:29:30,000 --> 00:29:31,750
Okay? Behind the scenes.

539
00:29:31,833 --> 00:29:35,041
Those crosses
weren't set up ten years ago.

540
00:29:36,125 --> 00:29:39,541
They were set up
the day before and can get wobbly.

541
00:29:40,708 --> 00:29:41,541
You know?

542
00:29:42,333 --> 00:29:45,250
At this point in the play,
Jesus was already dead.

543
00:29:45,833 --> 00:29:48,458
Technically, he couldn't move, right?

544
00:29:48,541 --> 00:29:50,541
We all know the story.

545
00:29:50,625 --> 00:29:53,875
He's crucified, he ascends to Heaven,

546
00:29:53,958 --> 00:29:57,458
he's taken to the tomb
and comes back three days later.

547
00:29:59,458 --> 00:30:02,416
I'm not talking about
Jesus, God, or religion.

548
00:30:02,500 --> 00:30:04,875
He's omniscient. He's in my head.

549
00:30:04,958 --> 00:30:07,041
I don't need to explain it to you.

550
00:30:07,625 --> 00:30:09,250
The cross teetered forward.

551
00:30:09,875 --> 00:30:12,125
No one wants to fall on their face.

552
00:30:12,916 --> 00:30:14,333
It's human instinct.

553
00:30:14,416 --> 00:30:16,416
You touch a hot pan… "Fuck!"

554
00:30:16,958 --> 00:30:18,166
You can't hold back.

555
00:30:18,958 --> 00:30:21,875
He was dead.
The cross teetered and he went…

556
00:30:30,083 --> 00:30:33,041
"That was a fast three days, man."

557
00:30:33,125 --> 00:30:35,416
That's how I learned it wasn't Jesus

558
00:30:35,500 --> 00:30:37,458
and fell in love with theater.

559
00:30:38,041 --> 00:30:41,333
I discovered
people could play other people.

560
00:30:41,416 --> 00:30:42,833
I didn't know that.

561
00:30:42,916 --> 00:30:44,916
I fell in love with theater.

562
00:30:45,000 --> 00:30:47,250
I'd do anything to see it,

563
00:30:47,333 --> 00:30:49,166
even if the cast wasn't famous.

564
00:30:49,250 --> 00:30:53,750
Because, out in the boonies,
we always get someone from a telenovela.

565
00:30:54,250 --> 00:30:56,666
"Oh, that guy from Senhora do Destino."

566
00:30:56,750 --> 00:30:58,083
Everyone would go.

567
00:30:58,166 --> 00:31:00,916
Sometimes there wouldn't be
any celebrities.

568
00:31:01,000 --> 00:31:03,458
But even someone with a weird name, I'd…

569
00:31:04,625 --> 00:31:09,291
I'd want to go and tell my friends,
"Look, Eduardo Spalastrines is coming."

570
00:31:10,500 --> 00:31:12,541
"Who the fuck is that?"

571
00:31:12,625 --> 00:31:15,291
"He must be good with a name like that."

572
00:31:15,375 --> 00:31:17,375
I'd be at school… "Did you see?"

573
00:31:17,458 --> 00:31:19,958
"What?" "Eduardo Spalastrines is coming!"

574
00:31:20,541 --> 00:31:22,541
"Who?" I'd say, "No idea, man."

575
00:31:23,041 --> 00:31:25,125
"Let's find out together!"

576
00:31:25,708 --> 00:31:26,791
And I'd go see it.

577
00:31:27,666 --> 00:31:30,041
Theater is hard in small towns.

578
00:31:30,125 --> 00:31:32,166
My town has 30,000 people.

579
00:31:32,250 --> 00:31:35,625
My mom's town,
where I'm talking about, has 2,000 people.

580
00:31:36,583 --> 00:31:37,791
Dudes there are sexist.

581
00:31:37,875 --> 00:31:40,791
They don't want to act or wear a tunic.

582
00:31:40,875 --> 00:31:43,541
"I'm not putting on a dress, man."

583
00:31:43,625 --> 00:31:45,750
They don't want to wear angel wings.

584
00:31:45,833 --> 00:31:49,625
If you want to save a seat out there,
just draw a dick on it.

585
00:31:50,708 --> 00:31:52,708
No one will sit in it.

586
00:31:53,458 --> 00:31:59,083
Dude could be coming off a 12-hour shift,
see it and go, "These fucking guys."

587
00:31:59,916 --> 00:32:02,208
"They're fucking with me." He won't sit!

588
00:32:04,291 --> 00:32:07,416
So the whole theater in my town was gay.

589
00:32:07,500 --> 00:32:11,875
Little kids wanted to be engineers,
but they'd be forced into the theater.

590
00:32:11,958 --> 00:32:14,625
The play asked,
"Should we let Jesus or Barabbas go?"

591
00:32:14,708 --> 00:32:15,958
Everyone, "Barabbas!"

592
00:32:17,750 --> 00:32:18,750
Jumping around.

593
00:32:19,458 --> 00:32:20,291
It was crazy.

594
00:32:21,375 --> 00:32:25,125
Theater is hard
because there aren't enough microphones.

595
00:32:26,041 --> 00:32:28,833
That's 300 actors.
There's just not enough mics.

596
00:32:28,916 --> 00:32:31,000
So they'd record the lines instead.

597
00:32:31,583 --> 00:32:34,666
They'd play the audio
and the actors would lip-synch.

598
00:32:35,750 --> 00:32:39,625
But they record it in a studio,
they don't see the setting.

599
00:32:39,708 --> 00:32:43,125
They don't see everyone dressed up.
They don't see Galilee.

600
00:32:44,041 --> 00:32:46,000
So there's no emotion. It's like…

601
00:32:46,666 --> 00:32:48,916
"I don't know."

602
00:32:49,416 --> 00:32:50,708
"I swear I don't know."

603
00:32:51,500 --> 00:32:54,708
At rehearsal, everyone's dressed up,
beautiful scenery,

604
00:32:54,791 --> 00:32:57,791
Pontius Pilate is there…
Then they play the audio.

605
00:32:58,291 --> 00:33:00,958
I don't know.

606
00:33:01,041 --> 00:33:02,416
I swear I don't know.

607
00:33:02,500 --> 00:33:05,791
What does he do?
He tries to outperform the voice.

608
00:33:05,875 --> 00:33:06,916
It's weird.

609
00:33:07,416 --> 00:33:09,416
It's like an episode of Naruto.

610
00:33:09,916 --> 00:33:11,250
The guy's like this…

611
00:33:11,333 --> 00:33:13,541
I don't know.

612
00:33:13,625 --> 00:33:15,083
I swear I don't know.

613
00:33:25,041 --> 00:33:26,541
The world is ending, man.

614
00:33:28,916 --> 00:33:31,291
When the world is ending, you see it

615
00:33:31,375 --> 00:33:33,208
and you make decisions

616
00:33:33,291 --> 00:33:36,333
you might not make
if you were in your right mind.

617
00:33:37,125 --> 00:33:38,708
At the time, I thought,

618
00:33:39,250 --> 00:33:40,625
"I'm gonna fight Popó."

619
00:33:44,375 --> 00:33:45,875
But I didn't go in blind.

620
00:33:46,666 --> 00:33:47,750
I did my research.

621
00:33:48,833 --> 00:33:51,000
I did my homework. I read.

622
00:33:51,500 --> 00:33:54,166
I learned the fundamentals of boxing.

623
00:33:55,208 --> 00:33:57,583
I like to know the theory behind things.

624
00:33:58,958 --> 00:34:00,958
You ask me, "What's a joke?"

625
00:34:01,041 --> 00:34:03,250
I'll tell you, it's all about timing.

626
00:34:05,250 --> 00:34:07,416
There's no better definition.

627
00:34:07,500 --> 00:34:08,833
It's all about timing.

628
00:34:08,916 --> 00:34:11,916
A terrible joke
at the right time is funny.

629
00:34:12,500 --> 00:34:14,000
"Damn, he pulled it off."

630
00:34:14,083 --> 00:34:16,750
A good joke at the wrong time? "Asshole."

631
00:34:16,833 --> 00:34:18,708
"How dare he say that."

632
00:34:19,791 --> 00:34:22,541
Timing changes everything.

633
00:34:22,625 --> 00:34:26,000
You don't need words
to laugh with your best friend.

634
00:34:26,083 --> 00:34:28,750
It just takes one look
and your friend's like…

635
00:34:31,166 --> 00:34:35,375
You turn away so you don't laugh.
You're like, "Stop it, dude. Stop."

636
00:34:36,458 --> 00:34:39,041
"Stop it. There's a dead body here, man."

637
00:34:39,666 --> 00:34:40,625
"Don't do that."

638
00:34:42,958 --> 00:34:47,458
Boxing is about
the right move at the right time.

639
00:34:47,541 --> 00:34:49,083
The physics of the body.

640
00:34:49,166 --> 00:34:51,500
"Punch me." And you punch all wrong.

641
00:34:52,000 --> 00:34:53,750
But you learn.

642
00:34:53,833 --> 00:34:58,250
"Turn your hip and leg
so you generate mechanical power."

643
00:34:58,750 --> 00:35:01,291
"You'll punch harder
than you knew possible."

644
00:35:01,375 --> 00:35:02,291
I learned that.

645
00:35:03,000 --> 00:35:05,500
I just forgot one tiny thing.

646
00:35:06,916 --> 00:35:09,000
Popó already knew all of that.

647
00:35:10,375 --> 00:35:12,375
He's known it for 30 years.

648
00:35:13,833 --> 00:35:18,500
Round one. I got my ass
beat so bad, it was embarrassing.

649
00:35:19,083 --> 00:35:21,708
They yelled, "Go!"
And my head went back like…

650
00:35:22,958 --> 00:35:25,958
I was like, "What was that?"
Then it happened again.

651
00:35:26,458 --> 00:35:29,666
Popó wasn't even doing anything,
he was just like this…

652
00:35:30,458 --> 00:35:32,125
I was like, "What the hell?"

653
00:35:33,125 --> 00:35:35,916
The first round ended
and I sat down, confused.

654
00:35:36,916 --> 00:35:39,208
Round two. "I just need to focus."

655
00:35:39,291 --> 00:35:41,666
One second in, and my head did it again.

656
00:35:42,166 --> 00:35:43,500
I thought, "Dude…"

657
00:35:44,000 --> 00:35:45,416
"It must be in my head."

658
00:35:46,875 --> 00:35:49,625
I'm trying to convince myself.
The brain is so powerful.

659
00:35:50,333 --> 00:35:51,958
I'm facing my opponent.

660
00:35:52,041 --> 00:35:55,125
He might be hitting me,
but I can't feel it. Crazy.

661
00:35:55,208 --> 00:35:56,708
My head kept going…

662
00:35:56,791 --> 00:35:59,166
I thought Tirullipa was pulling my hair.

663
00:35:59,250 --> 00:36:02,291
"Knock if off!"
It kept happening, "Knock it off!"

664
00:36:03,666 --> 00:36:06,416
After the second round,
I looked at the screen.

665
00:36:06,500 --> 00:36:09,166
I saw Popó hitting me
and I thought, "My God."

666
00:36:09,250 --> 00:36:12,625
In slow motion,
his hand looked like a chameleon's tongue…

667
00:36:13,125 --> 00:36:15,333
He'd bring it back like, "Damn!"

668
00:36:15,916 --> 00:36:20,125
Third round,
I got beat like a rug on cleaning day.

669
00:36:21,541 --> 00:36:24,333
When your mom
wants to clean that really dirty rug,

670
00:36:24,416 --> 00:36:27,500
so she hangs it up
and beats its ass with a squeegee.

671
00:36:28,000 --> 00:36:30,375
That's how I felt. It was eight rounds.

672
00:36:30,875 --> 00:36:32,875
But it was only a fight for three.

673
00:36:33,708 --> 00:36:37,208
After that,
it was clearly attempted murder.

674
00:36:37,875 --> 00:36:42,625
On live television.
Everyone saw it and no one did anything!

675
00:36:43,625 --> 00:36:46,333
"I love you." You didn't that day!

676
00:36:47,708 --> 00:36:50,625
My whole life changed in the fourth round.

677
00:36:51,375 --> 00:36:54,250
It really did.
This is my testimony I'm sharing.

678
00:36:55,625 --> 00:36:57,083
I can tell you for sure

679
00:36:57,166 --> 00:37:00,583
that I'm a comedian,
an actor, a singer, and above all

680
00:37:00,666 --> 00:37:01,791
I am a survivor.

681
00:37:02,958 --> 00:37:07,083
I agree that until the third round,
it was safe for broadcast TV.

682
00:37:07,166 --> 00:37:09,416
From round four on,
it was Pornhub material.

683
00:37:11,000 --> 00:37:13,541
"Old man spanks shit out of schoolboy."

684
00:37:14,666 --> 00:37:15,833
It was crazy.

685
00:37:15,916 --> 00:37:20,041
Everything changed in round four,
because I made Popó change strategies.

686
00:37:20,125 --> 00:37:22,541
Until then, he was only hitting my face.

687
00:37:22,625 --> 00:37:25,708
Three rounds of getting hit in the face.
I went numb.

688
00:37:26,291 --> 00:37:29,458
I started advancing.
It was already broken, right?

689
00:37:30,416 --> 00:37:32,250
What good is a nose, anyways?

690
00:37:32,333 --> 00:37:33,833
Who needs it?

691
00:37:34,375 --> 00:37:35,916
He noticed.

692
00:37:36,000 --> 00:37:39,125
Then he punched me
in the ear for the first time.

693
00:37:39,208 --> 00:37:41,416
That was the moment everyone saw,

694
00:37:41,500 --> 00:37:44,250
when I went
looking for Vitor Belfort, Anderson Silva,

695
00:37:44,333 --> 00:37:45,458
Mike Tyson…

696
00:37:46,208 --> 00:37:47,541
I was terrified.

697
00:37:47,625 --> 00:37:50,166
But I can explain what happened.

698
00:37:50,250 --> 00:37:52,791
When he landed that punch on my ear…

699
00:37:55,166 --> 00:37:56,583
the bell rang.

700
00:37:59,541 --> 00:38:01,166
But in my head,

701
00:38:01,250 --> 00:38:03,625
the bell rang for the rest of the match.

702
00:38:06,125 --> 00:38:07,875
I didn't realize it was over.

703
00:38:07,958 --> 00:38:10,125
Popó left and I was still looking for him.

704
00:38:10,208 --> 00:38:11,791
"Where is that old fuck?"

705
00:38:12,583 --> 00:38:15,541
When I saw him sitting there,
I said, "Tired, huh?"

706
00:38:16,583 --> 00:38:19,083
"You're old!"
And the referee went, "Sit down."

707
00:38:19,166 --> 00:38:20,916
I went, "Oh, my bad. Sorry."

708
00:38:21,000 --> 00:38:22,000
I sat down.

709
00:38:24,333 --> 00:38:25,250
By round five,

710
00:38:25,333 --> 00:38:28,500
the "P" of my "Piauí"
tattoo had fallen down my leg.

711
00:38:29,625 --> 00:38:32,500
The "í" went up my ass.
I'm still looking for the accent.

712
00:38:37,250 --> 00:38:38,750
Round six,

713
00:38:38,833 --> 00:38:41,875
I don't remember, man. Round six…

714
00:38:42,708 --> 00:38:45,000
It comes in flashes.

715
00:38:45,083 --> 00:38:46,083
An image appears…

716
00:38:46,666 --> 00:38:48,166
Then it's gone, you know?

717
00:38:49,291 --> 00:38:52,916
I remember something, "No!"
Then it fades to black again.

718
00:38:53,500 --> 00:38:55,291
I remember the seventh round.

719
00:38:55,375 --> 00:38:57,916
I remember it because I thought, "Dude…"

720
00:38:58,000 --> 00:38:59,416
"I could start kicking."

721
00:39:00,500 --> 00:39:01,958
"When he's not looking…"

722
00:39:04,791 --> 00:39:05,791
But you can't.

723
00:39:07,208 --> 00:39:09,708
The ethics of boxing are,
"Above the belt."

724
00:39:11,208 --> 00:39:12,666
By the eighth round,

725
00:39:13,291 --> 00:39:15,875
I was enjoying the fight in a new way.

726
00:39:17,166 --> 00:39:20,250
I wasn't there
with Popó anymore, you know?

727
00:39:21,208 --> 00:39:23,291
Popó was fighting my body.

728
00:39:24,458 --> 00:39:27,833
I was looking in
from the outside "transcenscendentially."

729
00:39:28,750 --> 00:39:33,125
I watched myself getting beat,
like, "It's almost like he likes it."

730
00:39:33,208 --> 00:39:34,791
"So unnecessary."

731
00:39:34,875 --> 00:39:37,125
I looked around and saw people

732
00:39:37,208 --> 00:39:39,583
I knew weren't there.

733
00:39:40,166 --> 00:39:42,541
Michael Jackson was up there. "Come on!"

734
00:39:43,875 --> 00:39:46,708
"You don't need to prove anything."
I went, "No!"

735
00:39:47,291 --> 00:39:50,041
"I'm watching. Checking the place out."

736
00:39:50,125 --> 00:39:52,333
I looked… I saw a ton of people, man.

737
00:39:52,958 --> 00:39:55,375
My mom didn't go, but my dad did.

738
00:39:55,875 --> 00:39:57,875
Did you see me laughing out there?

739
00:39:57,958 --> 00:39:59,500
Getting beat and laughing?

740
00:40:00,875 --> 00:40:02,791
I was watching my dad in the audience.

741
00:40:03,291 --> 00:40:06,041
My dad would stay up
all night to watch Popó.

742
00:40:07,416 --> 00:40:10,833
Now he's watching Popó
kick his son's ass. Can you imagine?

743
00:40:11,416 --> 00:40:14,791
My dad was so amped.
He was cheering like I'd never seen.

744
00:40:14,875 --> 00:40:17,666
"Go, Popó!"

745
00:40:20,750 --> 00:40:22,041
My God.

746
00:40:23,250 --> 00:40:24,083
Jeez!

747
00:40:25,541 --> 00:40:27,541
Oh, man… But the fight ended.

748
00:40:28,500 --> 00:40:30,500
It was a tie.

749
00:40:31,500 --> 00:40:33,791
Fuck you! You don't make the call.

750
00:40:34,666 --> 00:40:35,833
The referee does.

751
00:40:37,416 --> 00:40:39,250
The referee raised Popó's hand.

752
00:40:40,208 --> 00:40:41,708
Jesus raised mine.

753
00:40:42,875 --> 00:40:44,333
Everyone was happy.

754
00:40:45,375 --> 00:40:47,166
I got pissed at my friends.

755
00:40:47,250 --> 00:40:49,625
I was mad. They were making fun of me.

756
00:40:49,708 --> 00:40:50,833
I was like, "Dude…"

757
00:40:51,458 --> 00:40:53,333
"The fight was on too late."

758
00:40:54,416 --> 00:40:56,958
"I almost fell asleep."
I said, "What about me?"

759
00:40:58,375 --> 00:41:00,791
Jesus. That's a rude thing to say.

760
00:41:00,875 --> 00:41:04,125
People ask me all the time,
"Could you have kept going?"

761
00:41:04,875 --> 00:41:06,166
I always tell them

762
00:41:06,250 --> 00:41:09,750
I'd have gone another 20 rounds
if it had just been me and Popó.

763
00:41:10,375 --> 00:41:13,875
The problem is
that it was me, Popó, and Tirullipa.

764
00:41:14,458 --> 00:41:16,666
How can you focus for eight rounds

765
00:41:16,750 --> 00:41:19,500
with Tirullipa yelling,
"Don't kill him, Popó!"

766
00:41:19,583 --> 00:41:20,833
You can't.

767
00:41:21,958 --> 00:41:23,125
You can't.

768
00:41:25,083 --> 00:41:28,166
Tirullipa is amazing.
He's the king of communicating.

769
00:41:29,208 --> 00:41:31,541
We share that, which is why I love him.

770
00:41:31,625 --> 00:41:32,833
We're communicators.

771
00:41:32,916 --> 00:41:36,500
I realized that being
part of different circles is eye-opening.

772
00:41:36,583 --> 00:41:39,125
I didn't always see the value of theater.

773
00:41:39,208 --> 00:41:40,916
I thought it was a waste of money.

774
00:41:41,500 --> 00:41:44,583
After I went, I understood.
You participate in it.

775
00:41:44,666 --> 00:41:47,500
That's one reason
I wanted to do this show here.

776
00:41:47,583 --> 00:41:49,791
There's a huge contrast

777
00:41:49,875 --> 00:41:52,791
between performing here
and performing in Piauí.

778
00:41:53,458 --> 00:41:54,958
When I do shows here,

779
00:41:55,041 --> 00:41:58,583
I can go all night
and everyone will laugh and have fun.

780
00:41:58,666 --> 00:42:00,958
In Piauí, when it gets close to midnight,

781
00:42:01,041 --> 00:42:03,958
people start going,
"All right, son. Wrap it up."

782
00:42:05,291 --> 00:42:08,875
"It's gonna be like The Walking Dead
out there. You wanna fight them?"

783
00:42:09,541 --> 00:42:12,125
It's different. The level of safety.

784
00:42:12,208 --> 00:42:15,083
Only Brazilians…
I've been to 70 countries.

785
00:42:15,166 --> 00:42:18,458
I've never seen anyone anywhere go,
"Where's my phone?"

786
00:42:20,208 --> 00:42:21,041
Just us.

787
00:42:21,750 --> 00:42:24,291
Because we know it takes five minutes

788
00:42:24,375 --> 00:42:27,541
for that phone
to travel across four different states.

789
00:42:28,458 --> 00:42:29,958
We know, all right?

790
00:42:30,041 --> 00:42:31,958
We were raised this way.

791
00:42:32,041 --> 00:42:35,333
When you're born and raised in Teresina,

792
00:42:35,416 --> 00:42:37,458
you have the Teresina mentality.

793
00:42:37,541 --> 00:42:39,375
If you're born in Porto,

794
00:42:39,458 --> 00:42:42,125
you're raised in Porto, you grow up…

795
00:42:42,208 --> 00:42:44,583
you have a different mentality.

796
00:42:44,666 --> 00:42:47,041
I see the difference when I go out here.

797
00:42:47,125 --> 00:42:49,958
You're eating
with your phones on the table.

798
00:42:50,041 --> 00:42:51,791
I see them and I go, "Damn…"

799
00:42:51,875 --> 00:42:55,000
"I'm not even a thief
and I want to rob these people."

800
00:42:55,833 --> 00:42:58,541
"They're making it so easy."

801
00:42:59,833 --> 00:43:01,791
Seriously! No way.

802
00:43:03,375 --> 00:43:04,666
I wanna steal it.

803
00:43:06,625 --> 00:43:07,625
Dumb mistake.

804
00:43:07,708 --> 00:43:11,458
But your police are efficient.
They'll come arrest me.

805
00:43:12,250 --> 00:43:14,625
In Brazil, they blame the victim.

806
00:43:15,583 --> 00:43:16,958
It's your fault.

807
00:43:17,708 --> 00:43:19,041
You're standing there…

808
00:43:19,125 --> 00:43:20,875
"They stole my phone!" "Where?"

809
00:43:20,958 --> 00:43:25,125
"In front of the theater."
"You were asking for it. At this hour?"

810
00:43:25,208 --> 00:43:29,708
"I know you were calling an Uber,
but at this hour? Come on."

811
00:43:29,791 --> 00:43:33,750
"Let's help! Where did they go?"
"Down that alley." The guy goes, "Yikes."

812
00:43:34,541 --> 00:43:37,333
"You're never getting that back!
It's gone."

813
00:43:37,416 --> 00:43:39,125
"That's a dangerous alley."

814
00:43:40,666 --> 00:43:44,166
It's so different.
Some things you have to see for yourself.

815
00:43:44,250 --> 00:43:47,291
It's a shame
traveling is so expensive, man.

816
00:43:47,916 --> 00:43:51,041
If only everyone could see other cultures.

817
00:43:51,625 --> 00:43:52,500
I had a joke…

818
00:43:52,583 --> 00:43:55,625
Who watched my last show,
My Own Show, on Netflix?

819
00:43:57,416 --> 00:43:58,916
Thank you. That's right.

820
00:43:59,500 --> 00:44:02,916
Do you remember the joke
about greetings across the world? Namaste?

821
00:44:03,958 --> 00:44:05,958
There's another part to that joke.

822
00:44:06,666 --> 00:44:08,333
It never made it to Netflix.

823
00:44:08,875 --> 00:44:10,125
There's another part.

824
00:44:10,708 --> 00:44:14,250
My friend said,
"That joke about India is so good."

825
00:44:14,333 --> 00:44:18,000
"Why didn't you tell it
on the Netflix show?" I said, "I did."

826
00:44:18,083 --> 00:44:20,666
He said, "No, you didn't."
I said, "Yes, I did."

827
00:44:20,750 --> 00:44:23,166
He said, "No." I said, "Yes."

828
00:44:24,500 --> 00:44:25,708
He said, "No."

829
00:44:25,791 --> 00:44:29,041
I said, "Dude,
I'm the person who tells that joke."

830
00:44:30,208 --> 00:44:32,125
"Of course I did." He said, "Watch."

831
00:44:32,208 --> 00:44:33,708
So I put it on.

832
00:44:33,791 --> 00:44:36,250
After the greetings joke,
it jumps to Africa.

833
00:44:36,333 --> 00:44:39,458
"Damn, they cut my joke." I was bummed.

834
00:44:40,041 --> 00:44:41,583
This is my work.

835
00:44:41,666 --> 00:44:44,916
I'm like a painter.
This show is my painting.

836
00:44:45,000 --> 00:44:48,958
It takes a long time to make, to research.
You give it your all.

837
00:44:49,041 --> 00:44:52,875
Do you really think
I know about everything I'm telling you?

838
00:44:52,958 --> 00:44:55,583
Do you think
I've ever seen a peregrine falcon?

839
00:44:57,375 --> 00:45:01,041
Of course not. We do research
to make sure everything works.

840
00:45:01,125 --> 00:45:04,833
Then we test our jokes out
in Salvador, or Aracaju, or wherever.

841
00:45:04,916 --> 00:45:07,583
"They laughed at this.
Let's take that out."

842
00:45:07,666 --> 00:45:10,291
It's like a chess game,
getting it dialed in.

843
00:45:10,375 --> 00:45:13,333
Then they go and cut
a joke I went to India to get?

844
00:45:15,333 --> 00:45:16,708
You can't cut that.

845
00:45:16,791 --> 00:45:19,500
When you buy a painting
and don't like a rock in it,

846
00:45:19,583 --> 00:45:21,208
do you paint over the rock?

847
00:45:21,958 --> 00:45:24,083
No, this is art. Interpret it.

848
00:45:24,166 --> 00:45:25,375
Deal with it.

849
00:45:25,458 --> 00:45:27,208
Give the rock a new meaning.

850
00:45:27,708 --> 00:45:30,375
I was so mad they cut it,
so I called Netflix.

851
00:45:31,166 --> 00:45:32,250
"Hello, Netflix."

852
00:45:33,958 --> 00:45:35,083
"Where are you?"

853
00:45:36,958 --> 00:45:40,458
Who knows? They could
be having coffee in a Tesla somewhere.

854
00:45:41,791 --> 00:45:43,708
"My joke." "That wasn't us."

855
00:45:44,208 --> 00:45:47,166
"Jeez." So I called my managers,
"Where's my joke?"

856
00:45:47,916 --> 00:45:52,833
"We took it out because we thought
it might get you in trouble in India."

857
00:45:54,000 --> 00:45:56,416
I said, "Yeah, cut that joke. Good call."

858
00:45:57,000 --> 00:46:00,916
"I don't want problems in India.
A billion people hating me? No."

859
00:46:01,000 --> 00:46:02,333
That could kill a guy.

860
00:46:02,833 --> 00:46:05,250
One billion people hating you at once?

861
00:46:05,333 --> 00:46:06,291
You go…

862
00:46:06,958 --> 00:46:08,250
I don't want that.

863
00:46:08,875 --> 00:46:11,916
"But let me explain it to you,
maybe you'll see."

864
00:46:12,000 --> 00:46:14,333
They came over and I told them the joke.

865
00:46:14,416 --> 00:46:16,041
I refreshed their memories.

866
00:46:16,833 --> 00:46:19,666
I was talking about greetings
around the world. Namaste.

867
00:46:20,166 --> 00:46:21,708
They say namaste in India.

868
00:46:22,333 --> 00:46:25,000
The divine in me
recognizes the divine in you.

869
00:46:26,166 --> 00:46:29,166
I thought it was strange
because it's so spiritual.

870
00:46:29,250 --> 00:46:31,541
Sometimes you have bad news.

871
00:46:31,625 --> 00:46:33,833
How can you give bad news after that?

872
00:46:34,750 --> 00:46:37,750
"The divine in me
recognizes the divine in you."

873
00:46:37,833 --> 00:46:40,458
"Juninho fell off
his bike and died." No way…

874
00:46:41,500 --> 00:46:42,333
It's different.

875
00:46:42,416 --> 00:46:44,541
But I get it, everyone has their greeting.

876
00:46:44,625 --> 00:46:46,666
In São Paulo, it's a kiss.

877
00:46:46,750 --> 00:46:49,125
In Rio de Janeiro, two kisses. Done.

878
00:46:49,708 --> 00:46:51,541
In Switzerland, three kisses.

879
00:46:52,291 --> 00:46:55,833
In Greece, I wouldn't kiss anyone.
Greek kisses are a little…

880
00:46:56,625 --> 00:46:57,833
It's more intimate.

881
00:46:57,916 --> 00:47:00,291
You can't just kiss people's assholes.

882
00:47:00,375 --> 00:47:01,500
It's unnecessary.

883
00:47:04,000 --> 00:47:05,291
It's not necessary.

884
00:47:07,625 --> 00:47:10,875
In Greece, just greet people
like we do in the country.

885
00:47:11,625 --> 00:47:13,458
We just make up sounds, like…

886
00:47:14,583 --> 00:47:15,958
then leave.

887
00:47:16,041 --> 00:47:17,041
The other person…

888
00:47:18,333 --> 00:47:19,166
then leaves.

889
00:47:19,666 --> 00:47:23,541
No one said anything,
but a conversation was had.

890
00:47:26,958 --> 00:47:28,291
And in India, namaste.

891
00:47:28,375 --> 00:47:30,375
And I respect that. We're good.

892
00:47:30,458 --> 00:47:32,458
One day, I was leaving a museum.

893
00:47:32,541 --> 00:47:35,083
I visited a museum
and then took a tuk-tuk.

894
00:47:35,791 --> 00:47:38,750
You've seen them in movies.
You might have them here.

895
00:47:38,833 --> 00:47:40,625
It's like a mototaxi.

896
00:47:41,500 --> 00:47:44,791
You hop on the back and the guy drives.
I was sitting back there…

897
00:47:45,416 --> 00:47:47,208
Chilling, looking at India.

898
00:47:47,291 --> 00:47:48,750
"Wow, how cool."

899
00:47:49,250 --> 00:47:52,083
We're heading to the hotel
and suddenly he stops.

900
00:47:53,500 --> 00:47:54,500
He turns it off.

901
00:47:55,000 --> 00:47:58,416
I see we've stopped,
so I ask, "Hey, bud, are we good?"

902
00:47:59,000 --> 00:47:59,958
"What happened?"

903
00:48:00,041 --> 00:48:03,083
He points to three cows lying in the road.

904
00:48:03,833 --> 00:48:06,208
He said, "The cow has lain."

905
00:48:07,833 --> 00:48:11,166
I've never heard a sentence
like that in my life.

906
00:48:11,666 --> 00:48:13,875
"The cow has lain." Never.

907
00:48:14,625 --> 00:48:18,458
It sounds like a saying.
"I can't make it. The cow has lain."

908
00:48:18,541 --> 00:48:22,583
Since I'd never heard it,
I just said whatever came to mind.

909
00:48:22,666 --> 00:48:24,000
"The cow has lain."

910
00:48:24,750 --> 00:48:27,000
I went, "Poor thing must be tired."

911
00:48:27,791 --> 00:48:29,541
"We can't just go around?"

912
00:48:30,583 --> 00:48:32,208
He said, "No." I asked why.

913
00:48:32,291 --> 00:48:33,833
"Cows are sacred here."

914
00:48:35,041 --> 00:48:38,250
"Are they sacred in your country?"
"Yes, of course."

915
00:48:38,875 --> 00:48:41,583
"They're sacred every Sunday. We always…"

916
00:48:41,666 --> 00:48:45,125
"But let's not get into that.
You might get hurt."

917
00:48:45,208 --> 00:48:47,041
I already knew that about cows,

918
00:48:47,125 --> 00:48:51,375
because I met an Indian guy
at a barbecue in São José dos Campos.

919
00:48:51,875 --> 00:48:53,791
And I asked him.

920
00:48:53,875 --> 00:48:55,958
I'm thinking, "I'm leaving."

921
00:48:56,041 --> 00:48:58,666
"I don't live here, I'm leaving anyway."

922
00:48:58,750 --> 00:48:59,625
"I'll ask."

923
00:49:00,250 --> 00:49:02,666
I asked, "Aren't cows sacred to you?"

924
00:49:02,750 --> 00:49:04,083
He said, "Over there."

925
00:49:05,750 --> 00:49:07,250
I said, "Got it."

926
00:49:07,875 --> 00:49:10,375
It's globalization at its best. I get it.

927
00:49:10,916 --> 00:49:12,208
I'm respecting the cows.

928
00:49:12,291 --> 00:49:15,333
I was already respecting namaste,
now the cows too.

929
00:49:15,416 --> 00:49:16,625
I was being

930
00:49:17,166 --> 00:49:18,916
about 98% respectful.

931
00:49:20,166 --> 00:49:22,375
The other 2%
was giving the cow suggestions.

932
00:49:22,875 --> 00:49:25,708
If she wanted to.
I'd roll down the window, like…

933
00:49:30,458 --> 00:49:32,208
"Move, you stupid cow!"

934
00:49:33,500 --> 00:49:34,750
The cow didn't care.

935
00:49:37,666 --> 00:49:39,000
She didn't understand.

936
00:49:40,958 --> 00:49:42,333
I just waited.

937
00:49:42,416 --> 00:49:44,416
I know, I'm a comedian.

938
00:49:44,500 --> 00:49:46,708
We joke. We make things up.

939
00:49:46,791 --> 00:49:49,291
We exaggerate. Not everything is funny.

940
00:49:49,375 --> 00:49:52,791
We add a little color.
But I'm not making this up.

941
00:49:53,833 --> 00:49:57,041
I was looking around,
and when I looked next to me,

942
00:49:57,125 --> 00:49:59,791
a kid was taking a dump right by the taxi.

943
00:50:00,416 --> 00:50:02,708
Looking me in the eyes.

944
00:50:03,791 --> 00:50:07,166
I said, "This kid is shitting
and looking me in the eye."

945
00:50:07,250 --> 00:50:09,708
"No way I'm gonna let him do that."

946
00:50:22,625 --> 00:50:23,541
Nothing.

947
00:50:24,708 --> 00:50:26,041
It didn't do anything.

948
00:50:27,000 --> 00:50:29,416
I'm not making this up.
I'm just retelling.

949
00:50:30,000 --> 00:50:31,583
The kid finished shitting,

950
00:50:31,666 --> 00:50:33,291
wiped his hand in the dirt…

951
00:50:38,458 --> 00:50:39,583
I'm just retelling.

952
00:50:41,041 --> 00:50:43,000
Wiped his hand in the dirt again…

953
00:50:44,166 --> 00:50:45,541
waved goodbye

954
00:50:46,958 --> 00:50:48,875
with his little breaded hand…

955
00:50:50,083 --> 00:50:53,250
He disappeared into the cars.
I was in shock, like…

956
00:50:55,666 --> 00:50:58,875
"That kid wiped his ass with his hand
right in front of me."

957
00:50:58,958 --> 00:51:00,041
"Oh my God."

958
00:51:00,125 --> 00:51:03,875
"Ew!" And the cows stood up
like a miracle from God.

959
00:51:04,458 --> 00:51:06,958
The taxi left,
but I couldn't fold my arms.

960
00:51:07,041 --> 00:51:09,791
It was like he'd thrown shit on me.
I was like…

961
00:51:09,875 --> 00:51:13,000
"Oh, my God.
That kid wiped his ass with his hand."

962
00:51:13,583 --> 00:51:15,208
I was wearing a Brazil shirt.

963
00:51:15,791 --> 00:51:18,583
When I got to the hotel,
I paid the driver,

964
00:51:18,666 --> 00:51:21,375
and when I turn to leave, he goes, "Hey!"

965
00:51:21,458 --> 00:51:23,208
"Are you Brazilian?"

966
00:51:23,875 --> 00:51:26,208
"Yeah, why?"
"Don't you shake hands in Brazil?"

967
00:51:26,291 --> 00:51:27,541
I said, "Over there."

968
00:51:29,250 --> 00:51:30,291
"Namaste."

969
00:51:37,916 --> 00:51:40,458
When I finished,
my managers were like this…

970
00:51:41,958 --> 00:51:46,125
"You think I'm saying everyone in India
wipes their ass with their hand?"

971
00:51:48,041 --> 00:51:49,083
"You didn't get it."

972
00:51:49,166 --> 00:51:50,750
"This is a joke

973
00:51:50,833 --> 00:51:53,083
about the sewage system."

974
00:51:58,250 --> 00:51:59,125
Damn!

975
00:52:05,000 --> 00:52:08,833
If it's a problem in Brazil,
with 240 million people,

976
00:52:08,916 --> 00:52:12,333
imagine what it's like
somewhere with a billion people.

977
00:52:12,416 --> 00:52:14,375
Experience teaches you things.

978
00:52:14,458 --> 00:52:17,583
I've noticed on my travels,

979
00:52:17,666 --> 00:52:20,333
and I've been to nearly 70 countries,

980
00:52:20,416 --> 00:52:21,916
that music is a constant.

981
00:52:22,000 --> 00:52:24,375
Two things
bring people together. Laughter…

982
00:52:24,458 --> 00:52:26,708
you laugh because of synergy.

983
00:52:26,791 --> 00:52:29,666
Maybe you're here
and you don't think it's funny,

984
00:52:29,750 --> 00:52:31,875
but you laugh because everyone else is.

985
00:52:31,958 --> 00:52:36,000
You might not want to clap,
but everyone else is, so, "Okay."

986
00:52:36,500 --> 00:52:38,666
That's called synergy.

987
00:52:39,541 --> 00:52:41,333
I get asked about music a lot.

988
00:52:41,875 --> 00:52:42,916
"How do you do it?"

989
00:52:43,000 --> 00:52:46,541
"You do so much.
You do comedy, you act, you get beat up."

990
00:52:46,625 --> 00:52:48,750
"You've always got…"

991
00:52:49,916 --> 00:52:53,958
Not many people know how to make a song,
where to start, what to do.

992
00:52:54,041 --> 00:52:56,125
They ask, "Do you write it first?"

993
00:52:56,208 --> 00:52:58,791
"What comes first?
The genre or the words?"

994
00:52:59,375 --> 00:53:00,375
Here's what I do.

995
00:53:01,083 --> 00:53:03,083
I made "Girassol" at a time

996
00:53:03,166 --> 00:53:05,958
when I needed
to express myself in that way.

997
00:53:06,041 --> 00:53:08,833
When talking to dramatic people,

998
00:53:08,916 --> 00:53:10,833
you have to speak accordingly.

999
00:53:10,916 --> 00:53:14,625
When talking to rude people,
you have to be ready for their rudeness.

1000
00:53:14,708 --> 00:53:18,000
You have to think
of what feeling you want to convey.

1001
00:53:18,083 --> 00:53:20,583
If I want to move people,
I can't make Axé music.

1002
00:53:21,250 --> 00:53:23,750
If they're dancing, they won't be moved.

1003
00:53:23,833 --> 00:53:25,750
A guy with earphones, crying…

1004
00:53:26,375 --> 00:53:28,750
You ask what's wrong,
he says, "Léo Santana."

1005
00:53:29,458 --> 00:53:32,250
There's no way. It's not happening.

1006
00:53:32,333 --> 00:53:34,375
So, I chose this melody…

1007
00:53:37,416 --> 00:53:39,708
To talk about fame.

1008
00:53:41,250 --> 00:53:42,916
To talk about…

1009
00:53:44,083 --> 00:53:45,166
what I go through.

1010
00:53:46,541 --> 00:53:49,750
The good side and the bad.
It's not all bad.

1011
00:53:49,833 --> 00:53:53,541
Celebrities complain about privacy,
but they love a shoutout.

1012
00:53:53,625 --> 00:53:56,083
They love posting their free hotel.
So do I.

1013
00:53:56,166 --> 00:53:58,750
If you take your phone out,
you won't spend a dime.

1014
00:53:58,833 --> 00:54:01,208
You just do this and it's paid for.

1015
00:54:01,708 --> 00:54:05,166
But I give up a lot. Privacy.
Sometimes I want to disappear.

1016
00:54:05,250 --> 00:54:08,208
Go live with Neymar
and perform for him only.

1017
00:54:08,291 --> 00:54:11,083
"I'll perform for you.
'Good morning, Menino Ney!'"

1018
00:54:11,166 --> 00:54:12,708
"I'll do it for you."

1019
00:54:13,416 --> 00:54:16,125
Some things you just can't stand anymore.

1020
00:54:17,000 --> 00:54:20,875
I get presents with my face on them.
I don't want to see that. Can't stand it.

1021
00:54:22,500 --> 00:54:24,625
My employees take the clothes I don't use.

1022
00:54:24,708 --> 00:54:27,708
They come and go
with my face on their T-shirts.

1023
00:54:27,791 --> 00:54:29,250
It makes you crazy.

1024
00:54:30,500 --> 00:54:33,000
People film me peeing in public bathrooms.

1025
00:54:33,958 --> 00:54:35,250
I've told Luan.

1026
00:54:35,333 --> 00:54:37,583
"Luan, the next person
who films me peeing,

1027
00:54:37,666 --> 00:54:39,291
I'm gonna pee on them."

1028
00:54:40,916 --> 00:54:43,625
My friends only want kids
if I'm the godfather.

1029
00:54:45,291 --> 00:54:47,750
Is this Whindersson's bitcoin market now?

1030
00:54:47,833 --> 00:54:48,750
No way.

1031
00:54:51,291 --> 00:54:53,416
What do I do with all this?

1032
00:54:53,500 --> 00:54:55,250
I choose the best way

1033
00:54:56,083 --> 00:54:58,458
to fit it into a beautiful,
meaningful song.

1034
00:54:58,541 --> 00:55:00,166
That's why you like my parodies.

1035
00:55:00,250 --> 00:55:03,458
They're so similar to the original
that you don't need the video.

1036
00:55:03,541 --> 00:55:05,791
Just hearing it is good enough.

1037
00:55:06,791 --> 00:55:09,666
I'd like you to be my choir today, okay?

1038
00:55:09,750 --> 00:55:13,166
The lower and upper sections
will do different things.

1039
00:55:15,083 --> 00:55:16,875
This is the melody you'll use…

1040
00:55:32,000 --> 00:55:33,208
Then you go…

1041
00:55:37,916 --> 00:55:39,916
That's it. One, two, three…

1042
00:55:42,000 --> 00:55:43,750
One, two, three.

1043
00:55:44,791 --> 00:55:45,625
I'll say,

1044
00:55:45,708 --> 00:55:46,958
I pay my way with…

1045
00:55:51,875 --> 00:55:53,625
I pay with shoutouts

1046
00:55:55,250 --> 00:55:58,041
I pay with shoutouts

1047
00:55:58,125 --> 00:56:00,375
Nice. The lower section does the…

1048
00:56:03,041 --> 00:56:04,750
And the upper section goes…

1049
00:56:04,833 --> 00:56:05,666
Okay?

1050
00:56:06,375 --> 00:56:09,416
You pay less, you do less.
That's how it works.

1051
00:56:10,708 --> 00:56:11,625
Yeah.

1052
00:56:11,708 --> 00:56:13,791
The front row is like, "Hell, yeah."

1053
00:56:16,791 --> 00:56:18,458
When a conductor is working,

1054
00:56:19,041 --> 00:56:22,791
he uses his left hand
to indicate specific people.

1055
00:56:22,875 --> 00:56:26,000
He raises both hands
to ask for more vocal range.

1056
00:56:27,000 --> 00:56:29,333
When he lowers them, they sing gently.

1057
00:56:29,416 --> 00:56:31,750
So pay attention to my "handses."

1058
00:56:34,166 --> 00:56:37,291
I'm using auto-tune because
people say I look like Post Malone.

1059
00:56:37,375 --> 00:56:39,458
So I'm leaning into it.

1060
00:56:45,291 --> 00:56:47,291
I pay with shoutouts

1061
00:56:48,583 --> 00:56:50,375
I pay with shoutouts

1062
00:56:58,333 --> 00:57:00,333
I pay with shoutouts

1063
00:57:01,583 --> 00:57:03,541
I pay with shoutouts

1064
00:57:03,625 --> 00:57:05,916
Give yourself a hand. That was great.

1065
00:57:34,916 --> 00:57:36,916
Everyone knows my name

1066
00:57:38,250 --> 00:57:40,750
Even though it's odd

1067
00:57:46,708 --> 00:57:49,041
You said you're a huge fan

1068
00:57:50,083 --> 00:57:52,708
But you call me Anderson

1069
00:57:55,416 --> 00:57:56,333
It happens.

1070
00:57:59,083 --> 00:58:01,333
It's been so long

1071
00:58:02,333 --> 00:58:05,000
Since everything changed

1072
00:58:10,750 --> 00:58:12,958
You said tickets are expensive

1073
00:58:14,041 --> 00:58:17,333
But they're sold out

1074
00:58:20,833 --> 00:58:23,791
I'm thinking about dropping everything

1075
00:58:23,875 --> 00:58:28,416
And moving in with Menino Ney

1076
00:58:32,916 --> 00:58:35,875
But there's not enough room for my friends

1077
00:58:35,958 --> 00:58:40,541
And Menino Ney's friends

1078
00:58:44,750 --> 00:58:47,958
But when I go out

1079
00:58:48,041 --> 00:58:52,916
I don't have to worry
If someone is bringing cash

1080
00:58:56,958 --> 00:58:59,791
That's the only thing I like

1081
00:58:59,875 --> 00:59:04,875
The only thing good that came from fame

1082
00:59:05,708 --> 00:59:06,541
Now you.

1083
00:59:08,458 --> 00:59:09,833
I pay with…

1084
00:59:14,333 --> 00:59:16,041
I pay with shoutouts

1085
00:59:17,000 --> 00:59:18,833
I pay with shoutouts

1086
00:59:25,875 --> 00:59:27,875
I pay with shoutouts

1087
00:59:29,166 --> 00:59:31,166
I pay with shoutouts

1088
00:59:32,875 --> 00:59:36,708
You guys are definitely
the best choir I've had

1089
00:59:37,541 --> 00:59:38,625
on this tour.

1090
00:59:41,333 --> 00:59:42,166
Definitely.

1091
00:59:44,000 --> 00:59:45,500
Very nice. Congrats.

1092
00:59:49,208 --> 00:59:51,208
I'm getting emotional. Thank you.

1093
00:59:54,291 --> 00:59:57,291
I love saying that.
I say it every time and they love it.

1094
01:00:00,291 --> 01:00:04,166
Many of you have likely
never gotten to see a choir.

1095
01:00:04,250 --> 01:00:06,333
Or you have but didn't pay attention.

1096
01:00:06,416 --> 01:00:08,000
Do you know what they do?

1097
01:00:08,083 --> 01:00:11,166
I'm not gonna let you leave here

1098
01:00:11,250 --> 01:00:14,375
without seeing
and understanding what they do.

1099
01:00:15,166 --> 01:00:17,000
They said I could name the choir,

1100
01:00:17,083 --> 01:00:20,541
so, please, give it up

1101
01:00:21,166 --> 01:00:22,958
for the Backstreet Voices.

1102
01:00:23,458 --> 01:00:24,500
Make some noise.

1103
01:00:45,166 --> 01:00:46,416
A choir is made up

1104
01:00:47,166 --> 01:00:48,625
of four main voices.

1105
01:00:49,875 --> 01:00:50,875
Alto,

1106
01:00:51,833 --> 01:00:52,833
soprano,

1107
01:00:53,416 --> 01:00:55,500
bass, and tenor.

1108
01:00:56,708 --> 01:00:58,416
Four voices working together

1109
01:01:00,083 --> 01:01:01,750
to make one beautiful voice

1110
01:01:02,583 --> 01:01:04,083
that creates synergy

1111
01:01:05,166 --> 01:01:06,125
in this theater.

1112
01:01:06,208 --> 01:01:08,708
It gives you chills, makes you emotional.

1113
01:01:09,916 --> 01:01:11,666
I'll show you each one.

1114
01:01:19,166 --> 01:01:22,541
-I pay with shoutouts
-I pay with shoutouts

1115
01:01:22,625 --> 01:01:25,625
-I pay with shoutouts
-I pay with shoutouts

1116
01:01:31,625 --> 01:01:34,708
-I pay with shoutouts
-I pay with shoutouts

1117
01:01:34,791 --> 01:01:37,791
-I pay with shoutouts
-I pay with shoutouts

1118
01:01:37,875 --> 01:01:38,875
Just the altos.

1119
01:01:44,041 --> 01:01:47,166
-I pay with shoutouts
-I pay with shoutouts

1120
01:01:47,250 --> 01:01:50,833
-I pay with shoutouts
-I pay with shoutouts

1121
01:01:50,916 --> 01:01:51,750
Sopranos.

1122
01:01:56,458 --> 01:01:59,541
-I pay with shoutouts
-I pay with shoutouts

1123
01:01:59,625 --> 01:02:03,333
-I pay with shoutouts
-I pay with shoutouts

1124
01:02:03,416 --> 01:02:04,583
Bass.

1125
01:02:08,833 --> 01:02:12,041
-I pay with shoutouts
-I pay with shoutouts

1126
01:02:12,125 --> 01:02:15,583
-I pay with shoutouts
-I pay with shoutouts

1127
01:02:15,666 --> 01:02:16,583
Tenors.

1128
01:02:21,125 --> 01:02:24,333
-I pay with shoutouts
-I pay with shoutouts

1129
01:02:24,416 --> 01:02:27,250
-I pay with shoutouts
-I pay with shoutouts

1130
01:02:27,333 --> 01:02:28,416
Everyone together.

1131
01:02:34,041 --> 01:02:36,625
-I pay with shoutouts
-I pay with shoutouts

1132
01:02:36,708 --> 01:02:43,666
-I pay with shoutouts
-I pay with shoutouts

1133
01:02:56,000 --> 01:02:58,208
Porto, make some noise

1134
01:03:01,416 --> 01:03:04,250
-I pay with shoutouts
-I pay with shoutouts

1135
01:03:04,333 --> 01:03:08,833
I think that's great

1136
01:03:13,375 --> 01:03:16,333
-I pay with shoutouts
-I pay with shoutouts

1137
01:03:16,416 --> 01:03:22,750
I think that's great

1138
01:03:22,833 --> 01:03:27,791
I have 56 godchildren

1139
01:03:27,875 --> 01:03:31,166
Whose names I don't know

1140
01:03:31,250 --> 01:03:35,250
Tirullipa

1141
01:03:35,333 --> 01:03:39,541
Twelve Enzos, nine Joãos, fourteen Bias

1142
01:03:39,625 --> 01:03:43,125
Eight Josés and three Anas

1143
01:03:43,208 --> 01:03:47,000
No Sebastianas

1144
01:03:47,083 --> 01:03:51,791
And if I want to pee at a party

1145
01:03:51,875 --> 01:03:55,083
I take three security guards

1146
01:03:55,666 --> 01:03:58,958
Security guards

1147
01:03:59,041 --> 01:04:03,541
I get shy peeing with three guys

1148
01:04:03,625 --> 01:04:06,916
Staring at my dong

1149
01:04:07,416 --> 01:04:13,458
My dong

1150
01:04:20,958 --> 01:04:24,666
No one believes it
When they see me at the bakery

1151
01:04:24,750 --> 01:04:28,125
It takes five or six seconds to sink in

1152
01:04:28,208 --> 01:04:31,500
They ask for photos
I take a video for their whole family

1153
01:04:31,583 --> 01:04:35,000
It's so cool
Meanwhile, my coffee is getting cold

1154
01:04:35,083 --> 01:04:38,291
One time I went in
And the owner kneeled down on the ground

1155
01:04:38,375 --> 01:04:41,416
He thought I was there with Luciano Huck

1156
01:04:41,916 --> 01:04:45,125
He thought his old beater car
Was getting renovated

1157
01:04:45,208 --> 01:04:47,541
But I had to let him down

1158
01:04:47,625 --> 01:04:51,625
I just wanted some bread

1159
01:04:51,708 --> 01:04:55,250
Just wanted some bread

1160
01:04:55,333 --> 01:04:58,250
And I was paying with a shoutout

1161
01:05:01,291 --> 01:05:05,208
I just wanted some bread

1162
01:05:05,291 --> 01:05:08,708
Just wanted some bread

1163
01:05:08,791 --> 01:05:11,916
And I was paying with a shoutout

1164
01:05:13,708 --> 01:05:18,750
My dong

1165
01:05:18,833 --> 01:05:22,041
My dong

1166
01:05:22,125 --> 01:05:28,000
My dong

1167
01:05:28,083 --> 01:05:30,250
The most beautiful "dong"
you'll ever hear.

1168
01:05:30,333 --> 01:05:36,291
-My dong
-My dong

1169
01:05:36,375 --> 01:05:43,375
-My dong
-My dong

1170
01:05:48,416 --> 01:05:51,541
-I pay with shoutouts
-I pay with shoutouts

1171
01:05:51,625 --> 01:05:56,541
-I pay with shoutouts
-I pay with shoutouts

1172
01:06:01,208 --> 01:06:04,416
-I pay with shoutouts
-I pay with shoutouts

1173
01:06:04,500 --> 01:06:08,583
-I pay with shoutouts
-I pay with shoutouts

1174
01:06:19,291 --> 01:06:20,291
Thank you, Porto!

1175
01:06:23,000 --> 01:06:23,958
Good night!

1176
01:06:25,375 --> 01:06:26,791
Preaching to the Choir.

1177
01:06:27,541 --> 01:06:29,041
Thank you for the money.

1178
01:06:31,458 --> 01:06:33,958
This is our last one! I'll see you around.

1179
01:06:36,041 --> 01:06:38,541
See you around. Thanks, Porto!

1180
01:06:47,541 --> 01:06:49,541
Thank you, Porto!

1181
01:08:51,041 --> 01:08:52,916
Subtitle translation by: G.R.