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Downloaded from
YTS.MX

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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX

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‪（《向唱詩班佈道》舞台方向）

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‪維德森努內斯：同溫層

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‪波多市，你們好嗎？

6
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‪葡萄牙！

7
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‪耶！

8
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‪樓上的人呢？

9
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‪下面觀眾呢？

10
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‪非常感謝大家

11
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‪太棒了！

12
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‪有來自莫三比克的人嗎？

13
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‪莫三比克？你們嗎？

14
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‪安哥拉？

15
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‪維德角呢？

16
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‪葡萄牙人？

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‪巴西人？

18
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‪為自己拍手吧，謝謝你們

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‪來歡迎我們的音樂家，盧安穆里略

20
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‪幫盧安穆里略鼓掌

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‪感謝你們今天的光臨

22
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‪這節目叫《向唱詩班佈道》

23
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‪因為我們要佈道，對吧？

24
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‪佈道是必要的

25
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‪因為常常…

26
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‪要講某些事就得用某些方式

27
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‪讓世人明白世界末日來了

28
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‪這就是我今晚要傳達的訊息

29
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‪我們過得太爽了

30
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‪但一切都在改變
‪以前罕見的，現在時刻上演

31
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‪每天都聽到龍捲風或海嘯事件

32
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‪各位，太多事情在發生了

33
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‪好比流行病

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‪好比潔西卡卡亞內的派對…
‪太多事一直接踵而來

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‪不是啦，潔西卡的派對上
‪音樂的多樣化，著實令人印象深刻

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‪我從沒見過一個舞台上
‪出現這麼多不同風格的音樂

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‪萊奧桑塔納先上台

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‪接著風格迥異的馬圖上台

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‪當馬圖唱：“想飛嗎？”
‪大家還在熱舞上一首

40
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‪氣氛不同

41
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‪然後連鐵娘子樂團也來了

42
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‪到了早上還看到
‪法比奧德梅洛神父，天哪！

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‪大家都吸毒吸得很嗨，有的在祈禱…

44
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‪世界末日來了，什麼都變了

45
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‪接下來20年，不會像前20年一樣了

46
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‪前20年沒有太大變化

47
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‪2000年、2001年、2002年，都差不多

48
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‪現在不是這樣了
‪所有事物一直在轉變、更新

49
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‪甚至影片裡的聲音
‪已非人類的了，而是谷歌的

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‪“我跟我老公說那孩子是他的

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‪大笑、大笑”

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‪你會說：“天啊”

53
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‪你千萬不要開工程師IG給別人看

54
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‪鬼才知道他在上面放什麼

55
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‪我就推薦過工程師朋友給別人

56
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‪當我點開他的首頁

57
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‪第一段影片竟然是
‪七龍珠的片段：“弗利沙！

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‪你為什麼殺了克林？”

59
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‪我要怎麼引薦這傢伙去蓋房子？

60
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‪我該不該加一段免責聲明？

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‪“他才華洋溢，但請略過第一段影片”

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‪“為什麼？”我會回：“因為他很憤怒”

63
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‪你以為就是個老梗
‪但人家是有混音過的喔

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‪悟空是這樣叫的：“弗利沙！”

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‪一切都發生得太快了

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‪去剪頭髮再也不能遲到了

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‪因為他們要花五分鐘拍攝你的頭

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‪來製作一段影片

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‪當別人對你的頭拍攝，你該怎麼做？

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‪還能怎樣？

71
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‪你都被毛巾包住了，看起來像個白痴

72
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‪如果你在餐廳點水，服務生會這樣…

73
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‪“別再表演了，我很渴”

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‪一切都不一樣了
‪簡單的事物已然流失

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‪那些日常物品

76
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‪譬如電話簿

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‪有誰看過電話簿嗎？

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‪那是一本書，裡面有
‪每個人的姓名、地址和電話號碼

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‪“你怎麼找到我的？”
‪“書裡就有，你躲不了的”

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‪我們會打惡作劇電話
‪沒人知道誰是誰

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‪“你在服裝產業工作嗎？”

82
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‪“不是”，“那你上班裸體囉？”

83
00:04:57,291 --> 00:04:58,541
‪然後掛掉，管他們的

84
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‪沒人會知道是我打的

85
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‪我們被偷走了這些東西

86
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‪兇手是演算法

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‪那是什麼？

88
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‪是手機隱藏的智能

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‪篩選你最有可能喜歡的內容

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‪你不需要宣示：“我不喜歡抖音”

91
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‪它去掉你不看的，只留下你喜歡的

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‪“你喜歡貓嗎？”

93
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‪“看看這個”，然後再送上另一個

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‪“看看這個喝水的”，“哇，真可愛”

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‪突然間，你跟其他
‪臉黏在手機上的笨蛋沒兩樣

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‪我的演算法精確得知我喜歡什麼
‪然後只推送那些給我

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‪也就是小偷被抓的影片

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‪真的很棒

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‪巴西警察是喜劇演員

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‪他們邊拍邊說：
‪“他在哪？我沒看到他”

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‪他就在那兒，背上放桌布和花瓶…

102
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‪裝成一張茶几

103
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‪太有趣了

104
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‪我笑到不行

105
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‪我看過一個偽裝成飲水機的

106
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‪那人蓋了張桌布在上面
‪還舉著大水桶…

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‪警察走進來說：“我想他逃走了”

108
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‪在鏡頭前說：“我喝點水就好”

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‪那老兄甚至發出飲水機聲音

110
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‪他看太多《湯姆貓與傑利鼠》了

111
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‪這樣不行

112
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‪各位，世界末日來了

113
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‪我們過得太爽了

114
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‪有場戰爭正在進行中

115
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‪離葡萄牙很近，所以你們很緊張

116
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‪我們在巴西一點也不緊張

117
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‪還拿它開玩笑

118
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‪做迷因梗圖

119
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‪巴西喜歡置身事外，沒人會惹我們

120
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‪沒有人

121
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‪這可能很令人安心，但我卻感到憂慮

122
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‪我一直在想沒人來招惹我們的原因

123
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‪他們知道了什麼我們不知道的事？

124
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‪我很擔心

125
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‪是不是其他國家把我們視為
‪玩耍的小孩，像這樣…

126
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‪一定是這樣

127
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‪“攻擊他們！”

128
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‪“不，讓他去玩摩托車吧”

129
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‪我很擔心，所以我谷歌了一下

130
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‪“巴西的軍力”

131
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‪顯然地

132
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‪們的砲彈夠打兩小時的戰爭

133
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‪這一定是有策略性的

134
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‪因為我在推特上看到
‪他們買給巴西軍隊三萬五千顆的

135
00:07:42,083 --> 00:07:43,625
‪藍色小藥丸

136
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‪是戰術！

137
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‪我們就是這樣想的

138
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‪“子彈用完了，就換下面那把槍”

139
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‪想得美啦

140
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‪想都別想

141
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‪“你想入侵巴西嗎？混蛋”

142
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‪“伯南布哥州是你的了”

143
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‪我發現我們的空軍基地在
‪北里奧格蘭德州的納塔爾

144
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‪這裡有納塔爾人嗎？

145
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‪如果你來自納塔爾，告訴我

146
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‪誰會去攻擊納塔爾啊？

147
00:08:23,791 --> 00:08:25,083
‪戰機放在那裡幹嘛？

148
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‪到聖保羅航程要三小時
‪等抵達時戰爭都結束了

149
00:08:30,958 --> 00:08:34,333
‪是想從飛機上往下巡視：
‪“好了，都燒光了”，是嗎？

150
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‪世界末日來了

151
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‪告訴你旁邊的朋友：“小心末日災難”

152
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‪小心

153
00:08:45,625 --> 00:08:47,625
‪我們甚至不知道世界會怎麼滅亡

154
00:08:48,625 --> 00:08:50,791
‪因為我們覺得自己很特別

155
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‪是地球上最重要的物種

156
00:08:54,333 --> 00:08:57,041
‪世界都毀滅好幾輪了，我們渾然不知

157
00:08:58,708 --> 00:09:00,416
‪萬一結局有如《蒙上你的眼》呢？

158
00:09:00,916 --> 00:09:03,666
‪我們得保持沉默，否則會被吃掉

159
00:09:04,833 --> 00:09:06,541
‪過敏的人會害死所有人

160
00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:10,291
‪旁邊的人說：“安靜”，而我卻…

161
00:09:12,125 --> 00:09:14,833
‪怪獸闖入，我和其他12個人就死了

162
00:09:16,500 --> 00:09:18,375
‪藥物已經沒有治癒功效了

163
00:09:19,541 --> 00:09:21,666
‪它只是把症狀A換成B

164
00:09:22,750 --> 00:09:24,208
‪應該把它當作轉化器來賣的

165
00:09:25,458 --> 00:09:29,708
‪“這個止痛藥會讓你想吐”
‪“聽起來比頭痛好多了”

166
00:09:30,541 --> 00:09:32,791
‪感冒藥會讓你想睡

167
00:09:33,666 --> 00:09:34,583
‪太棒了

168
00:09:35,291 --> 00:09:37,750
‪因為睡覺的時候不會打噴嚏

169
00:09:38,333 --> 00:09:40,583
‪不管是誰想的，必定是個天才

170
00:09:42,250 --> 00:09:43,375
‪一切都在倒退

171
00:09:44,875 --> 00:09:46,708
‪一切都在改變

172
00:09:46,791 --> 00:09:49,416
‪紅綠燈在巴西的意義已經不一樣了

173
00:09:49,500 --> 00:09:53,958
‪綠色代表“走”
‪黃色是“小心”、紅色是“停止”

174
00:09:54,458 --> 00:09:56,750
‪在巴西午夜後，誰看到紅燈會停的？

175
00:09:58,333 --> 00:10:00,791
‪“我他媽的不可能停在這裡”

176
00:10:01,416 --> 00:10:04,708
‪有人會用磚頭打破窗戶、洗劫我

177
00:10:04,791 --> 00:10:07,875
‪會有罰單，但我會辯解我在自衛

178
00:10:09,083 --> 00:10:11,458
‪人們不再在轉綠燈時前進

179
00:10:12,666 --> 00:10:14,916
‪因為他們知道總有人闖紅燈

180
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‪他們會被撞

181
00:10:18,916 --> 00:10:21,208
‪歹徒連綠燈時都在搶劫

182
00:10:22,708 --> 00:10:24,458
‪一切都在倒退，無處可躲

183
00:10:26,250 --> 00:10:28,208
‪在巴西Uber都不Uber了

184
00:10:29,291 --> 00:10:32,166
‪司機按下確認
‪然後耍賴說：“不關我的事”

185
00:10:34,333 --> 00:10:36,291
‪他不過來，那是他唯一的任務耶

186
00:10:37,541 --> 00:10:40,458
‪你還得搭計程車去搭你叫的Uber

187
00:10:43,500 --> 00:10:45,291
‪我發現了一件很令人震驚的事

188
00:10:46,250 --> 00:10:49,166
‪我們看看有誰驚訝，有誰假裝很驚訝

189
00:10:49,250 --> 00:10:52,708
‪我發現在巴西有些地方

190
00:10:53,916 --> 00:10:56,250
‪如果司機在儀表板上放止咳糖漿

191
00:10:57,416 --> 00:11:00,083
‪代表司機接受以口交作為報酬

192
00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:08,416
‪有時候不要知道比較好

193
00:11:09,458 --> 00:11:11,666
‪這讓我感到很困擾

194
00:11:11,750 --> 00:11:13,750
‪我開始回想我之前搭Uber的紀錄

195
00:11:13,833 --> 00:11:16,041
‪“天啊，他儀表板上有個什麼？”

196
00:11:16,708 --> 00:11:18,708
‪“是糖漿嗎？天啊”

197
00:11:19,750 --> 00:11:21,166
‪“我本來有機會省錢的”

198
00:11:22,333 --> 00:11:25,000
‪可惡，我討厭浪費錢

199
00:11:25,083 --> 00:11:27,708
‪我很困擾，都快瘋了

200
00:11:27,791 --> 00:11:29,833
‪希望司機都不要跟我聊天

201
00:11:29,916 --> 00:11:31,875
‪我不知道他的意圖是什麼

202
00:11:32,666 --> 00:11:36,250
‪我暗暗地想：“如果他開口
‪我會跟他把話說清楚”

203
00:11:36,333 --> 00:11:39,875
‪他給我水喝，我會說：
‪“你要我吸你老二，是不是？

204
00:11:41,375 --> 00:11:43,208
‪我可不喜歡那種遊戲”

205
00:11:45,166 --> 00:11:46,125
‪我的朋友都很愛我

206
00:11:46,208 --> 00:11:50,791
‪他們說：“世界末日來時
‪你一定會跳上飛機逃跑”

207
00:11:50,875 --> 00:11:53,416
‪我說：“不可能！我不能沒有你們”

208
00:11:53,500 --> 00:11:56,375
‪我們很愛彼此，除了一件事

209
00:11:56,458 --> 00:11:57,750
‪功勞總是掛在我身上

210
00:11:58,458 --> 00:11:59,416
‪都在我身上

211
00:11:59,500 --> 00:12:02,541
‪不是因為我，只是，這就是操作模式

212
00:12:03,125 --> 00:12:06,000
‪相來如此，大家需要話題

213
00:12:06,083 --> 00:12:09,208
‪我的名字能引發話題
‪那正是他們想要的

214
00:12:09,875 --> 00:12:11,166
‪那天我在機場

215
00:12:12,208 --> 00:12:14,083
‪和馬諾埃爾和馬特烏斯一起

216
00:12:14,166 --> 00:12:16,541
‪有兩個小孩跑過來

217
00:12:16,625 --> 00:12:18,375
‪說：“給我們一點現金”

218
00:12:18,458 --> 00:12:19,666
‪我沒帶現金

219
00:12:20,166 --> 00:12:21,791
‪所以我叫馬諾埃爾給他們一點

220
00:12:22,416 --> 00:12:24,541
‪他猶豫了，但他給了一百雷亞爾

221
00:12:24,625 --> 00:12:25,583
‪我說：“再給100元”

222
00:12:27,041 --> 00:12:30,291
‪我朋友的財力不亞於我
‪正當他在掏錢時…

223
00:12:30,375 --> 00:12:34,750
‪狗仔總在巴西機場跟拍名人

224
00:12:34,833 --> 00:12:36,875
‪其中一個跑過來，拍很多照片

225
00:12:37,583 --> 00:12:40,750
‪隔天的頭條新聞卻是
‪”維德森在機場掏錢做慈善”

226
00:12:41,875 --> 00:12:44,375
‪有張照片拍到馬諾埃爾
‪像這樣掏出皮夾…

227
00:12:46,166 --> 00:12:49,333
‪大家都評論說：“維德森真大方”

228
00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:50,833
‪“真令人敬佩”

229
00:12:50,916 --> 00:12:53,833
‪他把截圖傳給聊天群組
‪酸說：“維德森真是大方哪”

230
00:12:54,916 --> 00:12:56,500
‪後來他想把錢要回來

231
00:12:56,583 --> 00:12:59,875
‪“能把你捐的錢還給我嗎？”

232
00:13:00,833 --> 00:13:03,416
‪我說：“兄弟冷靜點，這只是種操作”

233
00:13:04,791 --> 00:13:08,458
‪我喝醉時喜歡跟羅布森待在一起

234
00:13:09,125 --> 00:13:11,000
‪因為他從不喝醉

235
00:13:11,083 --> 00:13:13,458
‪我喝了幾口，並且開始胡言亂語

236
00:13:14,041 --> 00:13:16,375
‪但我不像歐洲醉鬼

237
00:13:16,458 --> 00:13:18,291
‪歐洲的醉鬼都他媽的有病

238
00:13:19,083 --> 00:13:20,791
‪他們都是怪胎

239
00:13:20,875 --> 00:13:22,625
‪我喝酒時會哭，你知道嗎？

240
00:13:23,291 --> 00:13:24,625
‪我會情感大爆發

241
00:13:24,708 --> 00:13:27,166
‪“你對我來說真的很重要，兄弟”

242
00:13:27,916 --> 00:13:29,458
‪太有愛了，不像他們

243
00:13:29,541 --> 00:13:32,083
‪他們都對車大吼：“搞什麼鬼？”

244
00:13:32,166 --> 00:13:33,000
‪還打車子

245
00:13:33,875 --> 00:13:37,958
‪我疑惑地想：“那台車到底
‪跟那老兄說什麼，讓他這麼氣？”

246
00:13:38,041 --> 00:13:40,166
‪太誇張了，太不一樣了

247
00:13:40,666 --> 00:13:41,833
‪所以我喜歡羅布森

248
00:13:41,916 --> 00:13:43,708
‪我請他保護我

249
00:13:43,791 --> 00:13:46,666
‪因為總有人趁我喝酒時錄影

250
00:13:46,750 --> 00:13:49,458
‪“請回答這個，請說那個”
‪而我很好說話，所以總是配合

251
00:13:50,041 --> 00:13:51,666
‪毫無意識地

252
00:13:51,750 --> 00:13:56,458
‪有次他們拿疫苗來問我
‪因為他們想帶出熱門話題

253
00:13:56,541 --> 00:13:57,958
‪“你有什麼想法？”

254
00:13:58,041 --> 00:14:01,750
‪我當時喝醉了，我說：“我認為…”

255
00:14:02,250 --> 00:14:04,000
‪“…應該強制執行”

256
00:14:04,500 --> 00:14:06,083
‪拍攝的人說：“什麼？”

257
00:14:06,166 --> 00:14:09,708
‪我說：“我們應該讓原住民
‪朝我們吹箭，像這樣…”

258
00:14:18,500 --> 00:14:21,041
‪這樣事後才知道打了哪一支

259
00:14:21,750 --> 00:14:23,708
‪“我想我被注射的是AZ”

260
00:14:25,875 --> 00:14:26,875
‪之後才知道

261
00:14:29,583 --> 00:14:30,708
‪世界末日來了

262
00:14:32,666 --> 00:14:36,500
‪有時我跟羅布森出去喝一杯
‪再搭Uber回家

263
00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:38,916
‪司機看到我，很興奮

264
00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:41,291
‪“天啊，維德森在我車上喝醉了

265
00:14:41,833 --> 00:14:42,916
‪我來給他水喝”

266
00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:45,458
‪“羅布森，他要我吸他的老二”

267
00:14:48,750 --> 00:14:49,875
‪“兄弟，去他的！”

268
00:14:57,208 --> 00:14:59,166
‪“我辦不到！兄弟！”

269
00:15:00,375 --> 00:15:02,375
‪“媒體會大做文章的！”

270
00:15:06,541 --> 00:15:07,833
‪“你吸他老二，羅布森”

271
00:15:13,791 --> 00:15:17,250
‪等他事後生氣，我再解釋：
‪“不是我要這樣，這是種操作”

272
00:15:18,708 --> 00:15:20,416
‪世界真的要終結了

273
00:15:22,458 --> 00:15:24,750
‪公共服務在巴西形同虛設

274
00:15:24,833 --> 00:15:26,375
‪我們毫無規劃

275
00:15:26,458 --> 00:15:29,166
‪身為巴西人，我可以說
‪我們沒有在規劃事情

276
00:15:29,250 --> 00:15:32,291
‪疫情期間，商店裡
‪最快賣完的是什麼？

277
00:15:32,375 --> 00:15:33,375
‪是衛生紙

278
00:15:34,541 --> 00:15:37,333
‪我們關心擦屁股大過於吃東西

279
00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:41,458
‪這規劃對嗎？讓屁股排在嘴巴前？

280
00:15:44,541 --> 00:15:45,916
‪公家機關缺乏配合

281
00:15:46,000 --> 00:15:48,416
‪我們鎮上有兩項服務：基本污水處理

282
00:15:49,500 --> 00:15:51,125
‪還有路面坑洞修復

283
00:15:51,208 --> 00:15:53,166
‪有一天，修復人員填補了路面坑洞

284
00:15:53,666 --> 00:15:58,166
‪結果隔天，污水處理人員
‪卻為了更換管線把柏油路挖開

285
00:15:58,250 --> 00:15:59,375
‪請互相溝通！

286
00:16:00,125 --> 00:16:03,000
‪我們在巴西有基本排汙系統問題

287
00:16:04,125 --> 00:16:05,875
‪請注意“基本”兩個字

288
00:16:05,958 --> 00:16:07,000
‪排汙系統是…

289
00:16:07,750 --> 00:16:09,666
‪-基本的
‪-不是什麼厲害的

290
00:16:10,583 --> 00:16:11,708
‪不是什麼高階的

291
00:16:12,833 --> 00:16:14,666
‪不是頂級的，就是基本的

292
00:16:15,208 --> 00:16:16,958
‪就是將兩根水管

293
00:16:17,041 --> 00:16:19,625
‪埋在你家門口
‪好讓屎尿不會到處流洩

294
00:16:20,791 --> 00:16:21,708
‪就兩根水管

295
00:16:21,791 --> 00:16:24,791
‪我們以前有個科目叫社會研究

296
00:16:25,541 --> 00:16:27,875
‪主要是解讀圖片

297
00:16:27,958 --> 00:16:29,750
‪很多圖片都有助學習

298
00:16:29,833 --> 00:16:31,875
‪有一張，一個小孩在樹叢後面拉屎

299
00:16:32,416 --> 00:16:35,958
‪地上一陀屎，後面一隻腳打了一個X

300
00:16:36,041 --> 00:16:39,291
‪意思是：“踩到大便你會很麻煩”

301
00:16:40,666 --> 00:16:43,166
‪基本衛生和生活品質有關

302
00:16:43,250 --> 00:16:46,458
‪有些巴西的孩子
‪會走開放式下水道去上學

303
00:16:46,541 --> 00:16:48,875
‪走下水道去上學…

304
00:16:48,958 --> 00:16:51,083
‪到校後都臭臭的

305
00:16:51,666 --> 00:16:52,958
‪他得到一個綽號

306
00:16:53,041 --> 00:16:54,250
‪“他來了”

307
00:16:54,333 --> 00:16:55,666
‪“誰？”孩子們說…

308
00:16:57,625 --> 00:16:58,541
‪“誰？”他們說…

309
00:16:59,583 --> 00:17:03,041
‪孩子連自己被取笑都不知道
‪“我們在笑誰啊？”

310
00:17:03,541 --> 00:17:04,875
‪可憐的孩子被羞辱了

311
00:17:05,541 --> 00:17:08,083
‪有時他會看到不該看的東西

312
00:17:08,166 --> 00:17:11,500
‪新聞報導說下水道有具屍體

313
00:17:11,583 --> 00:17:13,833
‪“他是在附近被謀殺的！”

314
00:17:14,666 --> 00:17:16,708
‪現場情況在電視上實況轉播

315
00:17:17,375 --> 00:17:18,416
‪午間新聞

316
00:17:18,500 --> 00:17:20,958
‪巴西人中午怎麼會想看這個？

317
00:17:21,041 --> 00:17:24,208
‪沒看到屍體，我們都沒食慾了

318
00:17:24,291 --> 00:17:25,208
‪我不懂

319
00:17:25,291 --> 00:17:27,083
‪你們該看看我爸在午餐時間的樣子

320
00:17:27,166 --> 00:17:30,708
‪當電視播放：“14道刀傷！”
‪我爸正在像這樣吸吮雞骨頭…

321
00:17:32,208 --> 00:17:34,625
‪他甚至還回放重看，天啊

322
00:17:35,541 --> 00:17:38,416
‪孩子們看到了，把這件事當有趣

323
00:17:38,500 --> 00:17:40,708
‪在記者背後做動作，想上電視

324
00:17:42,500 --> 00:17:43,500
‪為了上電視，天哪

325
00:17:44,208 --> 00:17:46,375
‪他們長大後會是非不分

326
00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:49,625
‪扭曲成瘋子小丑

327
00:17:51,083 --> 00:17:53,083
‪每個人內心都有個小丑

328
00:17:53,833 --> 00:17:55,500
‪說起來很奇怪，但那是真的

329
00:17:55,583 --> 00:17:58,166
‪提醒你旁邊的人：“提防小丑”

330
00:17:59,625 --> 00:18:02,458
‪大聲點，別害羞：“提防小丑”

331
00:18:02,958 --> 00:18:04,958
‪-提防小丑
‪-要小心

332
00:18:05,041 --> 00:18:06,416
‪內心的小丑是什麼？

333
00:18:06,500 --> 00:18:10,250
‪就是你在面對羞辱時，所做出的

334
00:18:10,333 --> 00:18:11,833
‪應對方式

335
00:18:13,458 --> 00:18:16,291
‪他何時會跑出來？
‪通常是你被打擊的時候

336
00:18:16,833 --> 00:18:19,583
‪當然不是每次如此
‪我們性本善，會反省

337
00:18:20,083 --> 00:18:22,250
‪就算是小孩子，也懂很多事

338
00:18:22,333 --> 00:18:24,500
‪有時候被教訓了，孩子會想

339
00:18:24,583 --> 00:18:27,583
‪“好吧，是我搞砸了”，被處罰很合理

340
00:18:28,166 --> 00:18:31,666
‪如果很窮，弄壞東西就會被揍

341
00:18:31,750 --> 00:18:32,666
‪理所當然

342
00:18:32,750 --> 00:18:34,958
‪有時好好教不見得會懂
‪被羞辱比較有用

343
00:18:35,791 --> 00:18:37,291
‪你會秒懂

344
00:18:37,916 --> 00:18:41,333
‪舉我為例子，我家總是一團亂

345
00:18:42,375 --> 00:18:45,375
‪你們身邊一定都認識這樣的人

346
00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:50,250
‪他們家庭紛爭不斷，有家寧可不回

347
00:18:50,833 --> 00:18:52,500
‪像如果要做學校小組作業

348
00:18:52,583 --> 00:18:54,500
‪我會聲明：“不要來我家做

349
00:18:54,583 --> 00:18:57,041
‪我們去克拉克蘭家比較好

350
00:18:57,125 --> 00:19:00,125
‪去他家學的會比在我家更多”

351
00:19:00,208 --> 00:19:03,541
‪我也不想這樣！我爸一早就火氣很大

352
00:19:03,625 --> 00:19:04,750
‪我媽也不遑多讓

353
00:19:05,708 --> 00:19:07,708
‪我爸要煮咖啡，嚷嚷著

354
00:19:07,791 --> 00:19:10,125
‪“家裡沒有他媽的咖啡嗎？”

355
00:19:10,208 --> 00:19:13,833
‪我媽吼回去：“你要咖啡？
‪你的咖啡在這裡！”

356
00:19:13,916 --> 00:19:15,500
‪“沒杯子要怎麼喝？”

357
00:19:16,958 --> 00:19:19,791
‪我妹會指著我說：“被他打破了”

358
00:19:20,666 --> 00:19:21,500
‪對

359
00:19:22,125 --> 00:19:23,958
‪媽的，這真的很糟糕

360
00:19:24,458 --> 00:19:26,041
‪我家的問題是貧窮

361
00:19:26,958 --> 00:19:30,291
‪我們什麼都買不起，我爸媽都一樣

362
00:19:30,375 --> 00:19:34,041
‪我哥很叛逆，“去他的社會！”

363
00:19:34,625 --> 00:19:37,000
‪房門上貼了很多詭異的海報

364
00:19:37,083 --> 00:19:38,250
‪一個很怪的孩子

365
00:19:39,958 --> 00:19:43,458
‪隨時間過去，事情不一樣了
‪我父母找到更好的工作

366
00:19:43,541 --> 00:19:45,416
‪我哥上了大學，也開始洗澡

367
00:19:47,708 --> 00:19:48,625
‪還會說：“早安”

368
00:19:48,708 --> 00:19:51,541
‪“這年輕人是誰？”我常很疑惑

369
00:19:51,625 --> 00:19:54,291
‪我想也許可以讓同學來家裡了

370
00:19:55,125 --> 00:19:58,125
‪有一次，老師讓我們兩人一組合作

371
00:19:58,708 --> 00:20:00,416
‪有個我喜歡的女孩找我搭檔

372
00:20:00,500 --> 00:20:02,500
‪我回說：“當然好”

373
00:20:03,416 --> 00:20:06,000
‪她問要在哪討論
‪我說：“當然是來我家”

374
00:20:07,791 --> 00:20:09,333
‪“跟我走”，我們就出發了

375
00:20:10,541 --> 00:20:13,208
‪我們沒去我房間，因為我們還小

376
00:20:14,166 --> 00:20:18,083
‪我們沒去房間，而是在客廳看書

377
00:20:18,166 --> 00:20:21,208
‪我們嘲笑那些愚蠢的名詞
‪“托德西利亞斯條約”

378
00:20:22,458 --> 00:20:25,541
‪我們笑說：“聽起來像墨西哥薄餅”

379
00:20:27,125 --> 00:20:28,791
‪我媽這時從我房間走出來

380
00:20:29,958 --> 00:20:31,375
‪拿著我的內褲

381
00:20:32,416 --> 00:20:34,250
‪走到女孩面前說

382
00:20:34,333 --> 00:20:37,750
‪“妳確定要跟
‪這髒兮兮的男孩約會嗎？”

383
00:20:38,541 --> 00:20:40,375
‪然後她開始演起單口相聲

384
00:20:40,458 --> 00:20:44,625
‪“女孩，連蟑螂經過他房間
‪都會發出嘔吐的聲音

385
00:20:45,458 --> 00:20:49,166
‪牠們都在說：
‪‘他一定都在玩屎，天啊’”

386
00:20:49,250 --> 00:20:51,875
‪我心想：“老天哪，她在做什麼？”

387
00:20:53,791 --> 00:20:54,875
‪搞什麼東西？

388
00:20:58,458 --> 00:20:59,333
‪不！

389
00:20:59,416 --> 00:21:01,000
‪我很震驚

390
00:21:01,708 --> 00:21:03,708
‪那女孩也很震驚，她在發抖

391
00:21:04,708 --> 00:21:06,000
‪“她在幹嘛？”

392
00:21:06,083 --> 00:21:09,583
‪我媽還走過來用內褲打了我三下

393
00:21:10,291 --> 00:21:11,791
‪為什麼要這樣？

394
00:21:14,791 --> 00:21:16,291
‪然後她在我耳邊小聲地說

395
00:21:16,791 --> 00:21:19,208
‪“我說過總有一天
‪我會在別人面前這麼做”

396
00:21:20,291 --> 00:21:22,166
‪我說：“我知道了

397
00:21:22,666 --> 00:21:25,458
‪妳讓我知道誰是老大，妳是老大”

398
00:21:25,541 --> 00:21:29,291
‪我故作鎮定，對那女孩說：
‪“我媽就喜歡開玩笑

399
00:21:29,791 --> 00:21:31,083
‪不要這樣，別哭了

400
00:21:32,875 --> 00:21:36,958
‪我習慣她的玩笑了”
‪她震驚地離開，像這樣走路…

401
00:21:37,625 --> 00:21:38,833
‪她被嚇壞了！

402
00:21:38,916 --> 00:21:41,791
‪我硬撐著回到房間

403
00:21:41,875 --> 00:21:44,000
‪青少年的房間就是他們的世界

404
00:21:44,625 --> 00:21:47,125
‪所以大家要注意他們的房間

405
00:21:47,208 --> 00:21:48,416
‪是他們走火入魔的起點

406
00:21:49,041 --> 00:21:52,750
‪那是他們瘋狂玩雞雞的地方

407
00:21:53,750 --> 00:21:56,875
‪也是世界上唯一能讓大家放膽

408
00:21:56,958 --> 00:21:58,041
‪直視屁眼的秘密基地

409
00:22:00,000 --> 00:22:01,791
‪我一直撐到房間

410
00:22:01,875 --> 00:22:04,791
‪等我一開門，就像這樣吼出來…

411
00:22:05,875 --> 00:22:06,916
‪“我再也不會

412
00:22:07,416 --> 00:22:09,625
‪帶任何人來這個屎坑！”

413
00:22:10,625 --> 00:22:12,375
‪“這什麼爛家庭！”

414
00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:15,333
‪“這什麼爛家庭！”

415
00:22:18,291 --> 00:22:19,541
‪“這什麼爛雞雞！”

416
00:22:36,208 --> 00:22:38,541
‪我哭得很慘，哭到都抽搐了

417
00:22:45,041 --> 00:22:46,041
‪我討厭哭

418
00:22:46,750 --> 00:22:50,000
‪我哭的時候跟中國面具一樣醜

419
00:22:52,750 --> 00:22:53,583
‪我不喜歡

420
00:22:54,625 --> 00:22:55,666
‪我的嘴唇會腫起來…

421
00:23:00,666 --> 00:23:02,458
‪那是我第一次看到內心的小丑

422
00:23:03,958 --> 00:23:05,708
‪我第一次看著鏡子哭的時候

423
00:23:07,000 --> 00:23:08,000
‪像這樣…

424
00:23:24,333 --> 00:23:25,333
‪“一點也不痛！”

425
00:23:30,750 --> 00:23:33,250
‪最慘的是，我的內褲根本不髒

426
00:23:35,041 --> 00:23:37,583
‪我的窗外是開放式下水道

427
00:23:38,166 --> 00:23:40,833
‪所以我房間當然總是瀰漫屎味

428
00:23:41,875 --> 00:23:44,000
‪我因為下水道而被誤會

429
00:23:45,125 --> 00:23:47,333
‪就一個基本服務
‪本來兩根管子就能拯救我的

430
00:23:48,916 --> 00:23:50,375
‪世界末日來了

431
00:23:50,458 --> 00:23:51,833
‪動物死定了

432
00:23:51,916 --> 00:23:54,500
‪我們以前只有一、兩件事要擔心

433
00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:56,375
‪一、兩件事，沒什麼

434
00:23:57,458 --> 00:24:00,750
‪“金剛鸚鵡快絕種了”
‪所以我們幫助金剛鸚鵡

435
00:24:00,833 --> 00:24:04,333
‪“現在輪到鬃毛狨猴”
‪所以我們又掏錢做培育

436
00:24:04,875 --> 00:24:09,375
‪今天為止，有三萬五千種瀕危物種

437
00:24:10,166 --> 00:24:12,250
‪三萬五千種

438
00:24:12,750 --> 00:24:15,166
‪如果他們正在絕種
‪那是因為有人在計算

439
00:24:16,875 --> 00:24:18,333
‪當然了，他們不是憑空猜的

440
00:24:19,000 --> 00:24:21,958
‪“哇，只有六隻鴨子在遷徙”
‪不是這樣來的

441
00:24:22,041 --> 00:24:24,208
‪這背後是有專業人士的

442
00:24:25,166 --> 00:24:28,166
‪回答你眾多問題的大腦

443
00:24:28,250 --> 00:24:29,666
‪並不是谷歌

444
00:24:30,166 --> 00:24:33,541
‪而是有人在外奔波，幫大家收集資訊

445
00:24:34,166 --> 00:24:37,333
‪就連世界地圖上的線條
‪也都是有人耗時費日

446
00:24:37,416 --> 00:24:39,458
‪“這裡是美索不達米亞”

447
00:24:40,041 --> 00:24:41,000
‪勾畫出來的

448
00:24:41,791 --> 00:24:43,083
‪一切都不是憑空而來

449
00:24:44,083 --> 00:24:46,583
‪研究動物的專家

450
00:24:47,125 --> 00:24:49,625
‪不管是瀕危的或重新引進的

451
00:24:50,208 --> 00:24:51,041
‪是生物學家

452
00:24:51,875 --> 00:24:53,708
‪我喜歡提到生物家

453
00:24:54,250 --> 00:24:57,500
‪來提醒人們，除了工程師
‪律師和醫生，還有這樣的專業

454
00:24:58,125 --> 00:25:00,291
‪有很多不同的工作，而且都很有用

455
00:25:00,791 --> 00:25:01,875
‪對，錢是很重要沒錯

456
00:25:02,916 --> 00:25:05,083
‪生物學家在外頭拼命工作

457
00:25:05,625 --> 00:25:07,291
‪如果你上網查詢

458
00:25:08,000 --> 00:25:10,125
‪“世界上速度最快的動物是什麼？”

459
00:25:10,750 --> 00:25:12,500
‪你會看到答案是游隼

460
00:25:13,208 --> 00:25:17,916
‪一種飛行時速高達480公里的鳥

461
00:25:18,583 --> 00:25:19,666
‪快得像F1賽車

462
00:25:20,791 --> 00:25:22,875
‪每秒105公尺

463
00:25:22,958 --> 00:25:24,875
‪等於每秒飛越一個足球場，一下就…

464
00:25:25,458 --> 00:25:26,291
‪不見了

465
00:25:28,375 --> 00:25:30,208
‪你可以在谷歌上看到牠

466
00:25:30,833 --> 00:25:33,541
‪那麼，生物學家是怎麼看到的呢？

467
00:25:36,958 --> 00:25:38,875
‪“老兄，有東西在這裡飛來飛去”

468
00:25:41,541 --> 00:25:43,875
‪很多人冒性命危險為大家工作

469
00:25:43,958 --> 00:25:45,750
‪也許你就是其中一個

470
00:25:46,958 --> 00:25:48,791
‪保全人員就付出很多

471
00:25:48,875 --> 00:25:50,625
‪你們參加的每場活動都有保全

472
00:25:51,125 --> 00:25:53,750
‪他們甚至放棄了頭髮，他們都是光頭

473
00:25:54,875 --> 00:25:57,333
‪這是必須的，總不能邊打架
‪邊撥頭髮說：“來啊！”

474
00:25:58,458 --> 00:25:59,291
‪沒辦法

475
00:26:00,458 --> 00:26:02,000
‪“保全都處理好了嗎？”

476
00:26:02,083 --> 00:26:03,625
‪他們在外面叫著：“給我放手”

477
00:26:04,750 --> 00:26:07,000
‪“真的，你放手，我就放手”

478
00:26:07,791 --> 00:26:09,166
‪“你才放手”，這樣行不通的

479
00:26:11,083 --> 00:26:11,916
‪行不通

480
00:26:18,291 --> 00:26:19,916
‪世界末日來了

481
00:26:21,041 --> 00:26:23,875
‪我們過得太爽了，我一直這麼說

482
00:26:24,958 --> 00:26:28,750
‪《向唱詩班佈道》
‪你以為這是教會有關的雙關語

483
00:26:28,833 --> 00:26:32,083
‪“這人打扮得像新時代牧師”

484
00:26:34,291 --> 00:26:37,333
‪“放著盧安穆里略的音樂”

485
00:26:38,166 --> 00:26:41,083
‪“他說話像個牧師”，但事實並非如此

486
00:26:42,000 --> 00:26:44,750
‪這不是宗教佈道

487
00:26:45,541 --> 00:26:47,500
‪即便稱為《向唱詩班佈道》

488
00:26:48,208 --> 00:26:52,208
‪然而文化是我們和動物的唯一區別

489
00:26:53,166 --> 00:26:57,916
‪唯一能把人和動物區分開來的是文化

490
00:26:58,416 --> 00:27:02,500
‪只有人類有足夠的文化來產生信仰

491
00:27:02,583 --> 00:27:06,125
‪這裡發生的事與宗教無關
‪但我們有所信仰

492
00:27:06,208 --> 00:27:07,458
‪因為我們在做什麼？

493
00:27:08,083 --> 00:27:10,166
‪我們聚集在一起

494
00:27:10,666 --> 00:27:14,041
‪來看我們的同類做某件事

495
00:27:15,291 --> 00:27:19,291
‪你永遠不會看到有獅子
‪被二十頭獅子圍起來，看牠跳舞

496
00:27:22,083 --> 00:27:24,458
‪其他獅子不會說：“牠好厲害喔“

497
00:27:25,041 --> 00:27:26,375
‪牠們不會說：“太強了！”

498
00:27:28,791 --> 00:27:29,625
‪只有我們

499
00:27:31,500 --> 00:27:34,583
‪在我們的生活中，文化有很多形式

500
00:27:35,083 --> 00:27:36,875
‪對我來說，那就是戲劇

501
00:27:36,958 --> 00:27:41,041
‪我第一次像你們這樣
‪在台下觀賞某人發表演說

502
00:27:41,541 --> 00:27:43,458
‪大概已經十七、八歲

503
00:27:43,958 --> 00:27:47,541
‪但我從小就接觸戲劇

504
00:27:48,125 --> 00:27:49,250
‪因為我的家鄉

505
00:27:49,916 --> 00:27:52,125
‪最常演出的戲碼是《耶穌受難記》

506
00:27:52,666 --> 00:27:55,875
‪誰看過那部電影？舉一下手

507
00:27:56,833 --> 00:28:00,083
‪如果你在教堂、廣場、遊行中

508
00:28:00,166 --> 00:28:02,125
‪都看過這部戲…那你會懂我的意思

509
00:28:02,625 --> 00:28:04,875
‪在我還沒上學前

510
00:28:04,958 --> 00:28:08,000
‪《耶穌受難記》總是伴我成長

511
00:28:08,083 --> 00:28:10,583
‪我不住大城市，懂得不多

512
00:28:10,666 --> 00:28:13,750
‪你可曾在演員消失時
‪跑到電視後面找他們嗎？

513
00:28:14,958 --> 00:28:17,958
‪或以為挖個洞就能去到日本？

514
00:28:18,958 --> 00:28:21,208
‪這就是我對《耶穌受難記》的感覺

515
00:28:21,291 --> 00:28:23,958
‪我以為那演員就是真正的耶穌

516
00:28:25,166 --> 00:28:26,041
‪你知道嗎？

517
00:28:26,625 --> 00:28:28,791
‪我會跟著老太太一起哭

518
00:28:29,625 --> 00:28:31,375
‪她們會說：“那可憐的男人”

519
00:28:31,458 --> 00:28:34,416
‪我則回答：“我知道！
‪祂每年都會受難一次”

520
00:28:35,416 --> 00:28:37,875
‪“祂做了什麼？” 我當時不懂

521
00:28:38,375 --> 00:28:40,041
‪我總專注在主角身上

522
00:28:40,125 --> 00:28:43,541
‪布條說耶穌在十字架上

523
00:28:43,625 --> 00:28:45,625
‪所以我一直盯著耶穌

524
00:28:45,708 --> 00:28:48,875
‪還有一位羅馬士兵

525
00:28:48,958 --> 00:28:53,000
‪在耶穌被釘著時，拿矛去戳祂

526
00:28:53,083 --> 00:28:55,916
‪我跑去那演員工作的地方

527
00:28:57,291 --> 00:28:59,000
‪連同我和其他四個小朋友

528
00:28:59,083 --> 00:29:01,500
‪“混蛋，你以為你很強壯？”我們瘋了

529
00:29:02,750 --> 00:29:03,958
‪“他沒死算你走運”

530
00:29:04,916 --> 00:29:08,375
‪我在市區廣場碰到過演耶穌的人

531
00:29:09,208 --> 00:29:11,041
‪“耶穌會穿NIKE嗎？

532
00:29:11,125 --> 00:29:12,125
‪天啊

533
00:29:13,166 --> 00:29:14,666
‪他犧牲這麼多，應該的”

534
00:29:15,333 --> 00:29:18,541
‪後來我發現他不是耶穌
‪因為那傢伙露出馬腳了

535
00:29:18,625 --> 00:29:20,541
‪讓我澄清一點

536
00:29:21,083 --> 00:29:23,500
‪包括電視機前的觀眾…

537
00:29:23,583 --> 00:29:25,791
‪我不是要討論宗教本身

538
00:29:25,875 --> 00:29:27,541
‪我講的是技術層面

539
00:29:28,375 --> 00:29:29,916
‪像網路這些

540
00:29:30,000 --> 00:29:31,750
‪懂嗎？幕後的部分

541
00:29:31,833 --> 00:29:35,041
‪那些十字架可不是十年前做的

542
00:29:36,125 --> 00:29:39,416
‪是前一天做的，做得搖搖晃晃的

543
00:29:40,708 --> 00:29:41,541
‪懂嗎？

544
00:29:42,333 --> 00:29:44,750
‪在演到耶穌已經死掉時

545
00:29:45,833 --> 00:29:48,458
‪嚴格來講，他應該不會動了，對吧？

546
00:29:48,541 --> 00:29:50,541
‪我們都知道故事內容

547
00:29:50,625 --> 00:29:53,541
‪祂被釘在十字架上、上天堂

548
00:29:54,041 --> 00:29:57,333
‪進墳墓、三天後又起死回生

549
00:29:59,458 --> 00:30:02,416
‪我不是在講耶穌、上帝或宗教

550
00:30:02,500 --> 00:30:04,875
‪祂是全知的，祂無所不在

551
00:30:04,958 --> 00:30:07,041
‪這些大家都很清楚

552
00:30:07,625 --> 00:30:09,250
‪當那個十字架搖晃前傾

553
00:30:09,875 --> 00:30:11,666
‪因為沒人想臉朝下摔倒

554
00:30:12,916 --> 00:30:14,333
‪這是人類的反射動作

555
00:30:14,416 --> 00:30:16,458
‪手摸到熱鍋都會慘叫：“媽的！”

556
00:30:16,958 --> 00:30:17,833
‪你無法控制的

557
00:30:18,958 --> 00:30:21,333
‪當十字架搖搖欲墜
‪那演員不禁做了這動作…

558
00:30:30,083 --> 00:30:33,041
‪“這三天過得很快，兄弟”

559
00:30:33,125 --> 00:30:35,416
‪這使我明白他不是耶穌

560
00:30:35,500 --> 00:30:37,458
‪並且深深迷上了戲劇

561
00:30:38,041 --> 00:30:41,333
‪我發現可以玩弄別人

562
00:30:41,416 --> 00:30:42,833
‪我之前不知道

563
00:30:42,916 --> 00:30:44,916
‪我愛上了戲劇

564
00:30:45,000 --> 00:30:47,250
‪我想方設法要看，找朋友一起去

565
00:30:47,333 --> 00:30:49,166
‪演員默默無名也沒關係

566
00:30:49,250 --> 00:30:53,375
‪因為在鄉下，一流明星
‪只會出現在電視劇裡

567
00:30:54,250 --> 00:30:56,083
‪“噢，是《命運女神》那傢伙”

568
00:30:56,750 --> 00:30:58,083
‪大家都會跑去看

569
00:30:58,166 --> 00:31:00,333
‪有時演員都不有名

570
00:31:01,000 --> 00:31:03,458
‪就算名字很怪，我也…

571
00:31:04,625 --> 00:31:09,250
‪我會去，然後跟朋友說：
‪“看，愛德華多斯帕拉斯特里內斯”

572
00:31:10,500 --> 00:31:12,541
‪“這人是誰啊？”

573
00:31:12,625 --> 00:31:14,791
‪“他名字這麼長，一定很厲害”

574
00:31:15,375 --> 00:31:17,375
‪我會在學校問別人：“你知道嗎？”

575
00:31:17,458 --> 00:31:19,708
‪“什麼？”
‪“愛德華多斯帕拉斯特里內斯來了！”

576
00:31:20,541 --> 00:31:22,416
‪“誰？”我會說：“不知道

577
00:31:23,041 --> 00:31:25,125
‪那我們一起去看吧！”

578
00:31:25,708 --> 00:31:26,791
‪然後我就去觀戲

579
00:31:27,666 --> 00:31:30,041
‪劇場在小城鎮經營不易

580
00:31:30,125 --> 00:31:32,166
‪我的城鎮有三萬人

581
00:31:32,250 --> 00:31:35,625
‪而我說的小城鎮
‪是我媽的城鎮，有兩千人

582
00:31:36,583 --> 00:31:37,791
‪那裡有性別歧視

583
00:31:37,875 --> 00:31:40,791
‪他們不想演戲，也不想穿長袍

584
00:31:40,875 --> 00:31:43,166
‪“我是不會穿上洋裝的，老兄”

585
00:31:43,666 --> 00:31:45,750
‪他們不想戴天使翅膀

586
00:31:45,833 --> 00:31:49,458
‪如果你想在鄉下佔位置
‪就掏出雞雞放在椅子上

587
00:31:50,708 --> 00:31:52,666
‪保證沒人會坐那位置

588
00:31:53,458 --> 00:31:59,083
‪有人會12小時輪班，來看了又走
‪“這些該死的傢伙”

589
00:31:59,916 --> 00:32:01,541
‪“簡直就是在耍我”，他不要坐

590
00:32:04,291 --> 00:32:07,416
‪所以鎮上的劇場裡都是同性戀

591
00:32:07,500 --> 00:32:11,291
‪小孩想當工程師
‪但他們會被迫進戲院

592
00:32:11,958 --> 00:32:14,625
‪劇中會問：
‪“我們該讓耶穌還是巴拉巴走？”

593
00:32:14,708 --> 00:32:15,833
‪大家都說：“巴拉巴！”

594
00:32:17,750 --> 00:32:18,750
‪還跳來跳去

595
00:32:19,458 --> 00:32:20,291
‪太瘋狂了

596
00:32:21,375 --> 00:32:25,041
‪劇場還有個困難，就是麥克風不夠多

597
00:32:26,041 --> 00:32:28,833
‪有三百名演員，麥克風遠遠不足

598
00:32:28,916 --> 00:32:30,750
‪所以他們會預錄台詞

599
00:32:31,583 --> 00:32:34,666
‪播放音檔，讓演員對嘴

600
00:32:35,750 --> 00:32:39,625
‪但音檔是在錄音室錄的，看不到場景

601
00:32:39,708 --> 00:32:42,916
‪看不到大家的裝扮
‪也沒看到耶穌童年的家

602
00:32:44,041 --> 00:32:45,833
‪所以都不帶感情，就像這樣…

603
00:32:46,666 --> 00:32:48,791
‪“我不知道，我不知道”

604
00:32:49,416 --> 00:32:50,708
‪“我發誓我不知道”

605
00:32:51,583 --> 00:32:54,708
‪彩排時，大家都裝扮好了，場景很美

606
00:32:54,791 --> 00:32:57,625
‪本丟彼拉多上場了，他們播放錄音

607
00:32:58,291 --> 00:33:00,500
‪我不知道，我不知道

608
00:33:01,041 --> 00:33:01,958
‪我發誓我不知道

609
00:33:02,500 --> 00:33:05,791
‪演員怎麼做？他試著超越聲音

610
00:33:05,875 --> 00:33:06,833
‪看起來很怪

611
00:33:07,375 --> 00:33:09,291
‪就像《火影忍者》的某一集

612
00:33:09,916 --> 00:33:11,250
‪那傢伙這樣做…

613
00:33:11,333 --> 00:33:13,541
‪我不知道，我不知道

614
00:33:14,125 --> 00:33:15,083
‪我發誓我不知道

615
00:33:25,041 --> 00:33:26,250
‪世界末日來了，各位

616
00:33:28,916 --> 00:33:31,291
‪你將見證走向末日的過程

617
00:33:31,375 --> 00:33:32,666
‪並且你會做各種決定

618
00:33:33,291 --> 00:33:36,333
‪如果你頭腦清醒
‪應該會做理智的決定

619
00:33:37,125 --> 00:33:38,541
‪有一次，我心想

620
00:33:39,250 --> 00:33:40,500
‪“我要和拳擊手波波決鬥”

621
00:33:44,375 --> 00:33:45,708
‪但我沒有盲目執行

622
00:33:46,666 --> 00:33:47,666
‪我做了研究

623
00:33:48,833 --> 00:33:50,916
‪我做了功課，我有閱讀

624
00:33:51,500 --> 00:33:53,625
‪我學了拳擊的基本功

625
00:33:55,208 --> 00:33:57,458
‪我喜歡了解事物背後的原理

626
00:33:58,958 --> 00:34:00,958
‪你問我：“笑話是什麼？”

627
00:34:01,041 --> 00:34:03,125
‪我告訴你，重點是時機

628
00:34:05,250 --> 00:34:07,416
‪沒有更好的定義

629
00:34:07,500 --> 00:34:08,333
‪關鍵在於時機

630
00:34:08,958 --> 00:34:11,916
‪在正確時機講爛笑話，很好笑

631
00:34:12,500 --> 00:34:13,583
‪“該死，他成功了”

632
00:34:14,083 --> 00:34:16,750
‪在錯的時機點開好的玩笑呢？

633
00:34:16,833 --> 00:34:18,708
‪“混蛋，他竟敢這麼說”

634
00:34:19,791 --> 00:34:20,958
‪時機改變一切

635
00:34:21,458 --> 00:34:26,000
‪和最好的朋友哄堂大笑
‪甚至用不著言語

636
00:34:26,083 --> 00:34:28,583
‪只要看一眼你朋友的臉…

637
00:34:31,166 --> 00:34:35,375
‪你撇頭憋笑，你說：
‪“別鬧，老兄，停下來”

638
00:34:36,458 --> 00:34:38,791
‪“別說了，這裡有人快笑死了，老兄”

639
00:34:39,666 --> 00:34:40,625
‪別這樣

640
00:34:42,958 --> 00:34:47,458
‪拳擊的關鍵是正確時機、正確移位

641
00:34:47,541 --> 00:34:48,666
‪身體的物理學

642
00:34:49,166 --> 00:34:51,208
‪“打我”，而你打法全錯了

643
00:34:52,000 --> 00:34:53,750
‪但你會學習

644
00:34:53,833 --> 00:34:58,250
‪“旋轉你的臀腿，產生機械功率

645
00:34:58,750 --> 00:35:00,833
‪你的拳頭就能比你知道的更猛”

646
00:35:01,375 --> 00:35:02,291
‪我學到了

647
00:35:03,000 --> 00:35:05,416
‪我只是忘了一件小事

648
00:35:06,916 --> 00:35:09,000
‪波波早就知道了

649
00:35:10,375 --> 00:35:12,208
‪他已經知道30年之久了

650
00:35:13,833 --> 00:35:18,000
‪第一回合，我被打得很慘、很丟臉

651
00:35:19,083 --> 00:35:21,250
‪他們大喊：“加油！”
‪我的頭就像這樣往後仰

652
00:35:22,958 --> 00:35:25,583
‪我還在想：“那是什麼？”接著又來了

653
00:35:26,458 --> 00:35:29,375
‪波波什麼都沒做，他只是這樣…

654
00:35:30,458 --> 00:35:32,000
‪我心想：“搞什麼鬼？”

655
00:35:33,125 --> 00:35:35,833
‪第一回合結束，我坐下並滿腦疑惑

656
00:35:36,916 --> 00:35:39,208
‪第二回合，我想：“我只需要專心”

657
00:35:39,291 --> 00:35:41,000
‪一秒後，我的頭又來了

658
00:35:42,166 --> 00:35:43,500
‪我心想：“老兄…

659
00:35:44,000 --> 00:35:45,125
‪這一定是我的幻覺”

660
00:35:47,000 --> 00:35:49,625
‪我嘗試說服自己，大腦真的很強大

661
00:35:50,333 --> 00:35:51,958
‪我和對手面對面

662
00:35:52,041 --> 00:35:54,625
‪他可能在打我，但我無感，太誇張了

663
00:35:55,208 --> 00:35:56,708
‪我的頭一直不停這樣…

664
00:35:56,791 --> 00:35:58,750
‪我還以為場邊的蒂魯利帕在扯我頭髮

665
00:35:59,250 --> 00:36:02,291
‪“停下來！”還是沒停，“別鬧了！”

666
00:36:03,666 --> 00:36:06,416
‪第二回合後，我看了錄影倒帶

667
00:36:06,500 --> 00:36:08,750
‪我看到波波打我，“天啊”

668
00:36:09,250 --> 00:36:12,333
‪在慢動作裡，他的手
‪看起來像變色龍的舌頭

669
00:36:13,125 --> 00:36:14,916
‪快速伸縮，“該死的！”

670
00:36:15,916 --> 00:36:20,125
‪第三回合，我被打得
‪像正在被清潔的地毯一樣

671
00:36:21,541 --> 00:36:24,333
‪當媽媽在清理很髒的地毯

672
00:36:24,416 --> 00:36:27,166
‪總會吊起來然後用棍子拍打它

673
00:36:28,000 --> 00:36:30,333
‪這就是我的感受，總共有八個回合

674
00:36:30,875 --> 00:36:32,791
‪但只有前三回合在對打

675
00:36:33,708 --> 00:36:37,208
‪在那之後，顯然是起謀殺未遂案件

676
00:36:37,875 --> 00:36:42,625
‪電視轉播，大家都看到了
‪卻沒有人要伸出援手！

677
00:36:43,625 --> 00:36:46,166
‪“我愛你”，顯然那天沒這麼愛嘛

678
00:36:47,708 --> 00:36:50,458
‪我的人生在第四回合改變了

679
00:36:51,375 --> 00:36:54,250
‪真的，這是我要分享的證詞

680
00:36:55,625 --> 00:36:57,083
‪我可以肯定地告訴大家

681
00:36:57,166 --> 00:37:00,583
‪我除了是名喜劇演員、歌手

682
00:37:00,666 --> 00:37:01,791
‪也是名生還者

683
00:37:02,958 --> 00:37:06,583
‪前三回合，電視轉播都沒問題

684
00:37:07,166 --> 00:37:09,416
‪第四回合起，就是18禁的內容

685
00:37:11,000 --> 00:37:13,541
‪“老頭把小學生打得屁滾尿流”

686
00:37:14,666 --> 00:37:15,500
‪太瘋狂了

687
00:37:16,000 --> 00:37:19,375
‪第四回合，一切都改變了
‪因為我讓波波改變策略

688
00:37:20,125 --> 00:37:22,000
‪在那之前，他只是揍我的臉

689
00:37:22,625 --> 00:37:25,333
‪連續打了三個回合，臉麻掉了

690
00:37:26,291 --> 00:37:29,458
‪我豁出去了，都壞掉了，對吧？

691
00:37:30,416 --> 00:37:32,250
‪反正鼻子有什麼用？

692
00:37:32,333 --> 00:37:33,500
‪誰需要鼻子了？

693
00:37:34,375 --> 00:37:35,916
‪他注意到了

694
00:37:36,000 --> 00:37:38,583
‪接著，他首次攻向我的耳朵

695
00:37:39,208 --> 00:37:41,750
‪那就是大家看到的那一幕
‪我在找其他拳手來幫忙

696
00:37:41,833 --> 00:37:43,708
‪維托貝爾福特、安德森席爾瓦

697
00:37:44,333 --> 00:37:45,458
‪麥克泰森…

698
00:37:46,208 --> 00:37:47,041
‪我被嚇死了

699
00:37:47,625 --> 00:37:49,708
‪我告訴你們怎麼回事

700
00:37:50,250 --> 00:37:52,666
‪當他的拳頭打在我耳朵上…

701
00:37:55,166 --> 00:37:56,541
‪剛好鈴響了

702
00:37:59,541 --> 00:38:01,125
‪但在我腦海中

703
00:38:01,208 --> 00:38:03,458
‪比賽剩下的時間裡，鈴聲都沒停過

704
00:38:06,125 --> 00:38:07,416
‪我不知道結束了

705
00:38:07,958 --> 00:38:10,125
‪波波都走了，我還在找他

706
00:38:10,208 --> 00:38:11,791
‪“那個老不休在哪裡？”

707
00:38:12,583 --> 00:38:15,416
‪當我看到他坐在位置上
‪我說：“怎樣，很累吧？

708
00:38:16,583 --> 00:38:19,083
‪你老了！”裁判說：“你坐下！”

709
00:38:19,166 --> 00:38:20,333
‪我說：“我的錯，抱歉”

710
00:38:21,000 --> 00:38:22,000
‪我坐下

711
00:38:24,333 --> 00:38:25,250
‪到第五回合

712
00:38:25,333 --> 00:38:28,500
‪我的家鄉“皮奧伊”的刺青
‪“皮”從這邊跑到大腿

713
00:38:29,625 --> 00:38:31,833
‪“伊”跑到屁股上，“奧”還不見蹤影

714
00:38:37,250 --> 00:38:38,416
‪第六回合

715
00:38:38,916 --> 00:38:41,875
‪我不記得了，天哪，第六回…

716
00:38:42,708 --> 00:38:45,000
‪稍縱即逝

717
00:38:45,083 --> 00:38:46,083
‪有影像出現…

718
00:38:46,666 --> 00:38:47,875
‪然後就不見了，懂嗎？

719
00:38:49,291 --> 00:38:52,916
‪我記得我大叫：“不！”
‪畫面又再次轉黑了

720
00:38:53,500 --> 00:38:55,291
‪第七回合，我記得

721
00:38:55,375 --> 00:38:57,125
‪我記得是因為，我心想：“好傢伙…

722
00:38:58,000 --> 00:38:59,166
‪我可以開始反擊了

723
00:39:00,500 --> 00:39:01,958
‪趁他不注意的時候…”

724
00:39:04,791 --> 00:39:05,791
‪但不能這樣

725
00:39:07,208 --> 00:39:09,333
‪拳擊的攻擊準則是 “在腰帶之上”

726
00:39:11,208 --> 00:39:12,583
‪到了第八回合

727
00:39:13,291 --> 00:39:15,875
‪我開始用新的方式享受比賽

728
00:39:17,166 --> 00:39:20,125
‪我的心已經不在波波身上了，懂嗎？

729
00:39:21,208 --> 00:39:23,291
‪和波波對戰的是我的軀殼

730
00:39:24,458 --> 00:39:27,750
‪我從外面“超然地”看著裡面

731
00:39:28,750 --> 00:39:32,500
‪旁觀著自己被打
‪一邊想：“他似乎喜歡挨揍”

732
00:39:33,208 --> 00:39:34,250
‪“一切都是枉然”

733
00:39:34,875 --> 00:39:37,125
‪我環顧四周，看著人們

734
00:39:37,208 --> 00:39:39,458
‪發現我認識的人不在那裡

735
00:39:40,166 --> 00:39:42,083
‪麥可傑克森在上面，他說：“拜託！

736
00:39:43,875 --> 00:39:46,458
‪你又不必證明任何事”，我說：“不！

737
00:39:47,291 --> 00:39:50,041
‪我是在觀看，觀察這地方”

738
00:39:50,125 --> 00:39:51,875
‪我看到了…我看到很多人

739
00:39:53,458 --> 00:39:55,250
‪我媽沒去，但我爸去了

740
00:39:55,875 --> 00:39:57,875
‪有看到我在外面笑嗎？

741
00:39:57,958 --> 00:39:59,166
‪挨打還笑得出來？

742
00:40:00,958 --> 00:40:02,458
‪我看著坐在觀眾席的我爸

743
00:40:03,291 --> 00:40:06,041
‪我爸會熬夜看波波的比賽

744
00:40:07,416 --> 00:40:10,250
‪現在他卻看波波狠揍他兒子
‪你們能想像嗎？

745
00:40:11,416 --> 00:40:14,791
‪我爸超級興奮的
‪我從沒見過他這樣歡呼

746
00:40:14,875 --> 00:40:17,583
‪“上吧，波波！”

747
00:40:20,750 --> 00:40:21,625
‪上帝啊

748
00:40:23,250 --> 00:40:24,083
‪天哪

749
00:40:25,541 --> 00:40:27,541
‪天啊…但戰鬥結束了

750
00:40:28,500 --> 00:40:29,625
‪是平手

751
00:40:31,500 --> 00:40:33,250
‪笑什麼！你們又不是裁判

752
00:40:34,666 --> 00:40:35,625
‪但裁判可以

753
00:40:37,416 --> 00:40:39,250
‪裁判舉起波波的手

754
00:40:40,208 --> 00:40:41,541
‪耶穌則是舉起我的

755
00:40:42,875 --> 00:40:44,250
‪大家都很開心

756
00:40:45,375 --> 00:40:47,166
‪我不爽我的朋友們

757
00:40:47,250 --> 00:40:48,458
‪我很氣他們取笑我

758
00:40:49,166 --> 00:40:50,500
‪我當時想：“好傢伙…”

759
00:40:51,458 --> 00:40:53,333
‪他們說：”比賽太晚播出了

760
00:40:54,416 --> 00:40:56,458
‪我都快睡著了”
‪我說：“那我怎麼辦？”

761
00:40:58,375 --> 00:41:00,791
‪天哪，說那種話實在很沒品

762
00:41:00,875 --> 00:41:03,958
‪大家都問我：“你還可以繼續嗎？”

763
00:41:04,875 --> 00:41:06,166
‪我總是跟他們說

764
00:41:06,250 --> 00:41:09,208
‪如果只有我和波波
‪那我還可以再打20回合

765
00:41:10,375 --> 00:41:13,375
‪問題是，我和波波在擂台上
‪喜劇演員蒂魯利帕則在角落

766
00:41:14,458 --> 00:41:16,666
‪這樣要怎麼專心比八回合

767
00:41:16,750 --> 00:41:19,500
‪蒂魯利帕一直喊著：
‪“別殺了他啊，波波！”

768
00:41:19,583 --> 00:41:20,833
‪你辦不到

769
00:41:21,958 --> 00:41:23,125
‪沒辦法嘛

770
00:41:25,083 --> 00:41:27,708
‪蒂魯利帕很厲害，他是溝通之王

771
00:41:29,208 --> 00:41:31,541
‪我們有這共通點，所以我很喜歡他

772
00:41:31,625 --> 00:41:32,833
‪我們都擅長溝通

773
00:41:32,916 --> 00:41:36,500
‪我發現局外人總是旁觀者清

774
00:41:36,583 --> 00:41:38,791
‪我有時看不到戲劇的價值

775
00:41:39,291 --> 00:41:40,916
‪我會覺得只是浪費錢

776
00:41:41,500 --> 00:41:43,875
‪去了之後才明白，你也參與其中

777
00:41:44,666 --> 00:41:47,041
‪這就是我想在這裡
‪做這個表演的原因之一

778
00:41:47,583 --> 00:41:49,791
‪在這裡的表演

779
00:41:49,875 --> 00:41:52,791
‪和在皮奧伊有很大的反差

780
00:41:53,458 --> 00:41:54,958
‪當我在這裡表演

781
00:41:55,041 --> 00:41:58,583
‪我可以持續整晚，每個人都得到歡樂

782
00:41:58,666 --> 00:42:00,958
‪在皮奧伊，接近午夜時

783
00:42:01,041 --> 00:42:03,666
‪人們便開始說：
‪“好啦，小鬼，該結束了吧

784
00:42:05,291 --> 00:42:08,416
‪壞人跟殭屍一樣半夜出籠
‪你想和他們打架嗎？”

785
00:42:09,541 --> 00:42:11,708
‪安全程度不一樣

786
00:42:12,208 --> 00:42:15,083
‪只有巴西人…我去過70個國家

787
00:42:15,166 --> 00:42:18,375
‪我從沒看過有人這樣
‪“我的手機呢？”

788
00:42:20,208 --> 00:42:21,041
‪只有我們

789
00:42:21,750 --> 00:42:24,291
‪因為我們知道，只要五分鐘

790
00:42:24,375 --> 00:42:27,166
‪那支手機就能被送到四個州以外

791
00:42:28,458 --> 00:42:29,958
‪我們知道，好嗎？

792
00:42:30,041 --> 00:42:31,958
‪我們是這樣長大的

793
00:42:32,041 --> 00:42:35,333
‪若你生於特拉辛納，長於特拉辛納

794
00:42:35,416 --> 00:42:37,458
‪你就有特拉辛納的腦

795
00:42:37,541 --> 00:42:39,041
‪如果你生在波多

796
00:42:39,541 --> 00:42:42,125
‪在波多被養育成人

797
00:42:42,208 --> 00:42:44,125
‪你就會擁有不同的心智

798
00:42:44,666 --> 00:42:47,041
‪我來這裡，看到差異

799
00:42:47,125 --> 00:42:49,958
‪吃飯時，手機可以放在桌上

800
00:42:50,041 --> 00:42:51,375
‪我看到它們，心想：“該死…

801
00:42:51,875 --> 00:42:54,750
‪我不偷東西，但我想搶劫這些人”

802
00:42:55,833 --> 00:42:58,541
‪“他們讓偷竊變得很簡單”

803
00:42:59,833 --> 00:43:01,791
‪真的，不行

804
00:43:03,375 --> 00:43:04,666
‪我想偷走它

805
00:43:06,625 --> 00:43:07,625
‪想犯愚蠢的錯誤

806
00:43:07,708 --> 00:43:11,333
‪但你們警察很有效率，他們會來抓我

807
00:43:12,250 --> 00:43:14,166
‪在巴西，他們會責怪受害者

808
00:43:15,583 --> 00:43:16,958
‪都是你自己的錯

809
00:43:17,708 --> 00:43:18,541
‪你站在那裡說…

810
00:43:19,125 --> 00:43:20,875
‪“有人偷我手機！”“在哪不見的？”

811
00:43:20,958 --> 00:43:24,583
‪“在劇院前”
‪“你這麼晚還在外面，怪誰？”

812
00:43:25,208 --> 00:43:29,708
‪“我知道你叫了Uber
‪但這麼晚叫？拜託”

813
00:43:29,791 --> 00:43:31,708
‪“我們來幫忙！他們往哪去了？”

814
00:43:31,791 --> 00:43:33,250
‪“往巷子裡 ”，對方說：“慘了

815
00:43:34,541 --> 00:43:36,916
‪這下你永遠拿不回來了！

816
00:43:37,416 --> 00:43:39,125
‪那是條危險的小巷”

817
00:43:40,666 --> 00:43:44,166
‪非常不一樣，有些事你得眼見為憑

818
00:43:44,250 --> 00:43:47,166
‪可惜旅行這麼貴，老兄

819
00:43:47,916 --> 00:43:51,041
‪如果所有人都能看看別的文化

820
00:43:51,625 --> 00:43:52,500
‪我有個笑話…

821
00:43:52,583 --> 00:43:55,625
‪誰看過我之前的表演
‪Netflix上的《今天我當家》？

822
00:43:57,416 --> 00:43:58,916
‪謝謝，沒錯

823
00:43:59,500 --> 00:44:02,916
‪記得那則笑話嗎？
‪世界各地問候，印度的你好？

824
00:44:03,958 --> 00:44:05,541
‪這笑話還有另一部分

825
00:44:06,666 --> 00:44:08,208
‪Netflix剪掉了

826
00:44:08,875 --> 00:44:09,708
‪還有另一部分

827
00:44:10,708 --> 00:44:13,875
‪我朋友說：“印度那則笑話太棒了”

828
00:44:14,375 --> 00:44:17,375
‪“為什麼你Netflix上沒講？”
‪我說：“我有”

829
00:44:18,083 --> 00:44:20,041
‪他說：“不，你沒有”，我說：“我有”

830
00:44:20,750 --> 00:44:23,041
‪他說：“沒有”，我說：“有”

831
00:44:24,500 --> 00:44:25,708
‪他說：“沒有”

832
00:44:25,791 --> 00:44:28,916
‪我說：“老兄
‪我才是講那則笑話的人

833
00:44:30,208 --> 00:44:31,708
‪我當然有講”，他說：“你去看”

834
00:44:32,208 --> 00:44:33,333
‪所以我看了

835
00:44:33,833 --> 00:44:36,250
‪在問候的笑話後，就跳到非洲了

836
00:44:36,333 --> 00:44:39,458
‪“該死，他們剪掉我的笑話”
‪我很沮喪

837
00:44:40,041 --> 00:44:41,000
‪這是我的作品

838
00:44:41,666 --> 00:44:44,916
‪我就像畫家，這場表演就是我的畫

839
00:44:45,000 --> 00:44:48,958
‪製作和資料查證很耗時
‪你只能全力以赴

840
00:44:49,041 --> 00:44:52,875
‪難道我說的內容我都知道嗎？

841
00:44:52,958 --> 00:44:55,583
‪你們以為我看過游隼嗎？

842
00:44:57,375 --> 00:45:01,041
‪當然沒有，我們查證資料
‪確保內容是可行的

843
00:45:01,125 --> 00:45:04,833
‪然後在薩爾瓦多或阿拉加左
‪或其他地方測試笑話

844
00:45:04,916 --> 00:45:07,583
‪“這個他們笑了，把這段拿出來”

845
00:45:07,666 --> 00:45:09,666
‪就像在下棋，調整到完善

846
00:45:10,375 --> 00:45:12,791
‪結果他們竟然
‪把我印度取得的笑話剪了？

847
00:45:15,333 --> 00:45:16,708
‪你不能這樣亂剪

848
00:45:16,791 --> 00:45:19,125
‪就好像你買了一幅畫
‪裡面的石頭你不喜歡

849
00:45:19,625 --> 00:45:21,208
‪難道你會把石頭塗掉嗎？

850
00:45:21,958 --> 00:45:24,083
‪不，這是藝術，詮釋它

851
00:45:24,166 --> 00:45:25,375
‪接納它吧

852
00:45:25,458 --> 00:45:27,208
‪給石頭一個新的意義

853
00:45:27,708 --> 00:45:30,166
‪我很生氣那段被剪掉
‪所以我打電話給Netflix

854
00:45:31,166 --> 00:45:32,166
‪“你好，Netflix

855
00:45:33,958 --> 00:45:35,083
‪你們在哪？”

856
00:45:36,958 --> 00:45:39,708
‪誰知道，說不定他們
‪在特斯拉的某處喝著咖啡

857
00:45:41,791 --> 00:45:43,708
‪“關於我的笑話”，“那不是我們剪的”

858
00:45:44,208 --> 00:45:46,750
‪“天哪”，所以我打給我經紀人
‪“我那段笑話呢？”

859
00:45:47,916 --> 00:45:52,583
‪“我們刪掉是因為
‪你可能會因此在印度惹上麻煩”

860
00:45:54,000 --> 00:45:55,791
‪我說：“沒錯，該剪，剪得好

861
00:45:57,000 --> 00:46:00,500
‪我不想在印度惹麻煩
‪被十億人討厭？先不要”

862
00:46:01,000 --> 00:46:02,291
‪那可能會害死一個人

863
00:46:02,833 --> 00:46:05,250
‪當十億人同時討厭你

864
00:46:05,333 --> 00:46:06,291
‪你會…

865
00:46:06,958 --> 00:46:08,041
‪我不想被討厭

866
00:46:08,875 --> 00:46:11,916
‪“但讓我跟你解釋，也許你會明白”

867
00:46:12,000 --> 00:46:14,333
‪他們過來，我跟他們再講一次

868
00:46:14,416 --> 00:46:15,750
‪喚醒了他們的記憶

869
00:46:16,833 --> 00:46:19,166
‪我的重點是世界的問候語，你好

870
00:46:20,166 --> 00:46:21,291
‪印度的你好是這樣說的

871
00:46:22,333 --> 00:46:24,916
‪我內在的神識認出了你內在的神識

872
00:46:26,166 --> 00:46:28,708
‪我覺得很奇怪 ，因為這很精神層面

873
00:46:29,250 --> 00:46:30,833
‪有時候你有壞消息要講

874
00:46:31,625 --> 00:46:33,291
‪這樣問候完要怎麼講壞消息？

875
00:46:34,750 --> 00:46:37,333
‪“我的神識認得你的神識

876
00:46:37,833 --> 00:46:39,833
‪朱尼奧從車上摔下來，死了”
‪這樣不行吧…

877
00:46:41,500 --> 00:46:42,333
‪不一樣的

878
00:46:42,416 --> 00:46:44,416
‪但我明白，大家都有他問候的方式

879
00:46:44,500 --> 00:46:46,666
‪在聖保羅，問候是一個吻

880
00:46:46,750 --> 00:46:49,000
‪在里約熱內盧，則是兩個吻

881
00:46:49,708 --> 00:46:51,458
‪在瑞士，三個吻

882
00:46:52,291 --> 00:46:55,250
‪在希臘，我不會親任何人
‪希臘式的親親有點…

883
00:46:56,625 --> 00:46:57,833
‪更親密一點

884
00:46:57,916 --> 00:46:59,750
‪你總不能親別人的屁眼

885
00:47:00,375 --> 00:47:01,500
‪不必了

886
00:47:04,000 --> 00:47:04,916
‪不必了

887
00:47:07,625 --> 00:47:10,375
‪去希臘，像我們在鄉下打招呼就好

888
00:47:11,625 --> 00:47:13,250
‪只要發出点聲音，比如…

889
00:47:14,583 --> 00:47:15,958
‪然後離開

890
00:47:16,041 --> 00:47:17,041
‪對方就…

891
00:47:18,333 --> 00:47:19,166
‪然後離開

892
00:47:19,666 --> 00:47:23,541
‪沒人說什麼，但溝通是有效的

893
00:47:26,958 --> 00:47:28,291
‪而在印度的你好

894
00:47:28,375 --> 00:47:30,375
‪我尊重這一點，很好

895
00:47:30,458 --> 00:47:31,875
‪有一天，我要離開博物館

896
00:47:32,541 --> 00:47:35,083
‪我去了間博物館，然後坐了嘟嘟車

897
00:47:35,791 --> 00:47:38,750
‪你在電影裡看過，這邊可能也有

898
00:47:38,833 --> 00:47:40,583
‪就像摩托車計程車一樣

899
00:47:41,500 --> 00:47:44,666
‪你跳上後座，司機就開車
‪我當時坐在後面…

900
00:47:45,416 --> 00:47:47,208
‪很放鬆，遊覽著印度…

901
00:47:47,291 --> 00:47:48,625
‪心想：“哇，好酷”

902
00:47:49,250 --> 00:47:51,958
‪我們要去飯店，車子突然停下來

903
00:47:53,500 --> 00:47:54,500
‪司機把引擎關了

904
00:47:55,000 --> 00:47:58,416
‪我發現車子停了
‪我就問：“兄弟，還好嗎？

905
00:47:59,000 --> 00:47:59,958
‪怎麼回事？”

906
00:48:00,041 --> 00:48:03,083
‪他指著路上躺著的三頭牛

907
00:48:03,833 --> 00:48:06,041
‪他說：“牛已經躺下了”

908
00:48:07,833 --> 00:48:11,083
‪我的人生從未聽過這樣的句子

909
00:48:11,666 --> 00:48:13,875
‪“牛已經躺下了”，從來沒有

910
00:48:14,708 --> 00:48:17,958
‪聽起來像是句諺語
‪“我去不了，牛已經躺下了”

911
00:48:18,541 --> 00:48:22,583
‪因為沒聽過，我想到什麼就說什麼

912
00:48:22,666 --> 00:48:24,000
‪他說：“牛已經躺下了”

913
00:48:24,750 --> 00:48:27,000
‪我說：“可憐的東西，牠一定很累

914
00:48:27,791 --> 00:48:29,500
‪我們不能繞過牠走嗎？”

915
00:48:30,583 --> 00:48:32,208
‪他說：“不行”，我問為什麼

916
00:48:32,291 --> 00:48:33,833
‪“牛在這裡是神聖的”

917
00:48:35,041 --> 00:48:37,625
‪“牠們在你國家是神聖的嗎？”
‪“是，當然”

918
00:48:38,875 --> 00:48:41,125
‪“他們每個星期天烤肉時都很神聖

919
00:48:41,666 --> 00:48:44,666
‪我們還是別深入討論了
‪我怕你會傷心”

920
00:48:45,208 --> 00:48:47,041
‪牛的神聖，我早就知道了

921
00:48:47,125 --> 00:48:50,625
‪我曾在聖若澤杜斯坎普斯
‪碰到過一個印度人

922
00:48:51,875 --> 00:48:53,791
‪然後，我問他

923
00:48:53,875 --> 00:48:55,958
‪我想：“我就要走了

924
00:48:56,041 --> 00:48:58,041
‪我又不住這兒，反正要走了

925
00:48:58,750 --> 00:48:59,625
‪我就直問了”

926
00:49:00,250 --> 00:49:02,666
‪我問：“牛對你來說不神聖嗎？”

927
00:49:02,750 --> 00:49:03,833
‪他說：“上去再說”

928
00:49:05,750 --> 00:49:07,250
‪我說：“懂了”

929
00:49:07,875 --> 00:49:10,250
‪這是最好的國際化，我懂了

930
00:49:10,916 --> 00:49:12,208
‪我尊重牛兒

931
00:49:12,291 --> 00:49:14,750
‪我本來就尊重印度問候語
‪現在對牛也很敬重

932
00:49:15,416 --> 00:49:16,333
‪程度大概

933
00:49:17,166 --> 00:49:18,916
‪有98％的尊重

934
00:49:20,166 --> 00:49:21,791
‪另外2％是給牛的一些建議

935
00:49:22,875 --> 00:49:25,708
‪如果牠想聽的話，我會搖下窗吆喝…

936
00:49:30,458 --> 00:49:32,208
‪“快走，你這笨牛！”

937
00:49:33,500 --> 00:49:34,750
‪牛根本不在乎

938
00:49:37,666 --> 00:49:39,000
‪牠不懂

939
00:49:40,958 --> 00:49:42,333
‪我只好等著

940
00:49:42,416 --> 00:49:43,916
‪我知道，我是喜劇演員

941
00:49:44,500 --> 00:49:46,375
‪我們開玩笑，我們編寫劇本

942
00:49:46,875 --> 00:49:48,958
‪我們誇大其詞，不是每件事都好笑

943
00:49:49,458 --> 00:49:52,583
‪我們加油添醋，但接下來可不是編的

944
00:49:53,833 --> 00:49:57,041
‪我看看周圍，而當我看向旁邊

945
00:49:57,125 --> 00:49:59,791
‪有個小孩在計程車旁拉屎

946
00:50:00,416 --> 00:50:02,708
‪直視著我的眼睛

947
00:50:03,791 --> 00:50:06,375
‪我說：“這孩子在路邊拉屎
‪還看著我的眼睛”

948
00:50:07,250 --> 00:50:09,208
‪“我不會讓他這麼做的”

949
00:50:22,625 --> 00:50:23,541
‪沒用

950
00:50:24,708 --> 00:50:25,625
‪沒有作用

951
00:50:27,000 --> 00:50:29,416
‪這不是我掰的，我是重現原況

952
00:50:30,000 --> 00:50:31,125
‪等那孩子拉完屎

953
00:50:31,666 --> 00:50:32,708
‪用泥巴擦了擦手…

954
00:50:38,458 --> 00:50:39,500
‪我是原況重現喔

955
00:50:41,041 --> 00:50:42,750
‪在泥土中再次擦了擦手…

956
00:50:44,166 --> 00:50:45,541
‪向我揮手道別

957
00:50:46,958 --> 00:50:48,750
‪用他沾滿泥巴的小手…

958
00:50:50,083 --> 00:50:53,250
‪他消失在車陣中，我很震驚…

959
00:50:55,666 --> 00:50:58,875
‪“那孩子在我面前用手擦屁股

960
00:50:58,958 --> 00:51:00,041
‪天啊”

961
00:51:00,125 --> 00:51:03,750
‪“哞！”這時牛像神蹟降臨般站了起來

962
00:51:04,458 --> 00:51:06,958
‪計程車往前了，但我無法彎曲手臂

963
00:51:07,041 --> 00:51:09,416
‪就好像孩子把大便
‪拉在我身上一樣，我就這樣…

964
00:51:09,916 --> 00:51:13,000
‪“天啊，那孩子用手擦屁股耶”

965
00:51:13,583 --> 00:51:15,208
‪當時我穿著巴西襯衫

966
00:51:15,791 --> 00:51:18,583
‪到飯店後，我付了錢給司機

967
00:51:18,666 --> 00:51:20,916
‪要下車時，他說：“嘿！

968
00:51:21,416 --> 00:51:23,208
‪你是巴西人嗎？”

969
00:51:23,875 --> 00:51:26,208
‪“對，怎麼了？”
‪“巴西人都不握手的喔？”

970
00:51:26,291 --> 00:51:27,208
‪我說：“上去再說”

971
00:51:29,250 --> 00:51:30,208
‪“再見”

972
00:51:37,916 --> 00:51:40,125
‪我講完後，我經紀人都這樣看我…

973
00:51:41,958 --> 00:51:46,125
‪“你們以為我要講的是
‪在印度人人都用手擦屁股？

974
00:51:48,041 --> 00:51:49,083
‪你們不懂

975
00:51:49,166 --> 00:51:50,750
‪這是一個笑話

976
00:51:50,833 --> 00:51:53,083
‪關於排汙系統的笑話”

977
00:51:58,250 --> 00:51:59,125
‪可惡！

978
00:52:05,000 --> 00:52:08,833
‪如果在巴西兩億四千萬人口有這問題

979
00:52:08,916 --> 00:52:11,916
‪那發生在十億人口的地方
‪又會是什麼狀況

980
00:52:12,416 --> 00:52:14,375
‪經驗會教會你東西

981
00:52:14,458 --> 00:52:17,583
‪我在旅行時注意到

982
00:52:17,666 --> 00:52:20,000
‪而我去過70個國家

983
00:52:20,500 --> 00:52:21,916
‪音樂無所不在

984
00:52:22,000 --> 00:52:23,875
‪兩件事讓大家聚在一起，歡笑著…

985
00:52:24,458 --> 00:52:26,708
‪你笑是因為協同效應

986
00:52:26,791 --> 00:52:29,666
‪也許你人在這裡，並不覺得好笑

987
00:52:29,750 --> 00:52:31,875
‪但因為大家都在笑，所以你也笑了

988
00:52:31,958 --> 00:52:36,000
‪你可能不想鼓掌
‪但其他人都在鼓掌，所以，“好吧”

989
00:52:36,500 --> 00:52:38,666
‪那就是所謂的協同效應

990
00:52:39,541 --> 00:52:41,291
‪我常被問到音樂的事

991
00:52:41,875 --> 00:52:42,916
‪“你怎麼辦到的？”

992
00:52:43,000 --> 00:52:46,541
‪“你會的太多了
‪你演喜劇、表演，還被拳擊

993
00:52:46,625 --> 00:52:48,750
‪你總是可以…”

994
00:52:49,916 --> 00:52:53,958
‪沒有多少人知道怎麼寫歌
‪從何開始、怎麼開始

995
00:52:54,041 --> 00:52:55,750
‪他們問：“你先寫下來嗎？”

996
00:52:56,250 --> 00:52:58,791
‪“先有什麼？風格還是歌詞？”

997
00:52:59,375 --> 00:53:00,208
‪我是這樣做的

998
00:53:01,083 --> 00:53:03,083
‪我在寫《向日葵》的當下

999
00:53:03,166 --> 00:53:05,541
‪是我需要用這方式表達自我

1000
00:53:06,041 --> 00:53:08,833
‪就像跟戲劇化的人對話時

1001
00:53:08,916 --> 00:53:10,458
‪你必須調整講話的方式

1002
00:53:10,958 --> 00:53:14,208
‪跟無禮的人說話時
‪就得準備面對他們的無理

1003
00:53:14,708 --> 00:53:18,000
‪你要想好，要表達的是什麼感覺

1004
00:53:18,083 --> 00:53:20,083
‪如果我想感動別人
‪就不能用狂歡節音樂

1005
00:53:21,250 --> 00:53:23,000
‪他們跳起舞來就不會感動

1006
00:53:23,833 --> 00:53:25,750
‪就像一個戴耳機的傢伙哭著…

1007
00:53:26,375 --> 00:53:28,750
‪你問他怎麼了
‪他回答：“是萊奧桑塔納”

1008
00:53:29,458 --> 00:53:31,750
‪不可能，這是不會發生的

1009
00:53:32,333 --> 00:53:34,375
‪所以我選了這個旋律…

1010
00:53:37,416 --> 00:53:39,708
‪來聊聊功名

1011
00:53:41,208 --> 00:53:42,500
‪聊聊關於…

1012
00:53:44,083 --> 00:53:45,041
‪我所經歷的事

1013
00:53:46,625 --> 00:53:49,750
‪有好的也有壞的一面，不全是壞事

1014
00:53:49,833 --> 00:53:52,916
‪名人抱怨隱私問題
‪但總愛用高調曝光換免費享受

1015
00:53:53,625 --> 00:53:56,083
‪他們喜歡發免費飯店貼文，我也是

1016
00:53:56,166 --> 00:53:58,750
‪拿出手機來，就不用花一毛錢

1017
00:53:58,833 --> 00:54:00,583
‪只要這樣做，就等同付錢了

1018
00:54:01,708 --> 00:54:03,625
‪但我放棄了很多，譬如隱私

1019
00:54:03,708 --> 00:54:05,166
‪有時候我想躲起來

1020
00:54:05,250 --> 00:54:07,666
‪去跟內馬爾住，只表演給他看

1021
00:54:08,291 --> 00:54:11,083
‪“我將為你表演‘早安，小內內！’

1022
00:54:11,166 --> 00:54:12,458
‪我將為你演出”

1023
00:54:13,416 --> 00:54:16,125
‪有些事你已經受夠了

1024
00:54:17,000 --> 00:54:19,791
‪我會收到禮物
‪上面有我的臉，我不想看到

1025
00:54:19,875 --> 00:54:20,791
‪我受不了

1026
00:54:22,500 --> 00:54:24,541
‪我的員工拿走我沒在用的衣服

1027
00:54:24,625 --> 00:54:27,708
‪穿著印有我照片的T恤走來走去

1028
00:54:27,791 --> 00:54:29,166
‪這會讓你發瘋的

1029
00:54:30,500 --> 00:54:33,000
‪人們在公共廁所拍我尿尿

1030
00:54:33,958 --> 00:54:35,250
‪我跟盧安講過

1031
00:54:35,333 --> 00:54:37,583
‪“盧安，下個拍我尿尿的人

1032
00:54:37,666 --> 00:54:39,291
‪我就尿在他們身上”

1033
00:54:40,916 --> 00:54:43,250
‪只有我是教父時
‪我的朋友才要生小孩

1034
00:54:45,291 --> 00:54:47,750
‪現在是維德森的比特幣市場嗎？

1035
00:54:47,833 --> 00:54:48,666
‪不能這樣

1036
00:54:51,291 --> 00:54:53,416
‪我要怎麼面對這一切？

1037
00:54:53,500 --> 00:54:55,250
‪我選最好的方式

1038
00:54:56,083 --> 00:54:58,708
‪把它融入一首優美
‪又意味深長的歌曲中

1039
00:54:58,791 --> 00:55:00,291
‪所以你們才喜歡我的模仿

1040
00:55:00,375 --> 00:55:03,458
‪跟原創像到你不需要看影片

1041
00:55:03,541 --> 00:55:05,791
‪光是聽著就夠了

1042
00:55:06,791 --> 00:55:09,166
‪希望今天換你們為我和聲，好嗎？

1043
00:55:09,750 --> 00:55:13,166
‪上層和下層將做不同的事

1044
00:55:15,083 --> 00:55:16,666
‪這是你們要唱的旋律

1045
00:55:32,000 --> 00:55:32,916
‪然後你們這樣…

1046
00:55:37,916 --> 00:55:39,916
‪就這樣，一、二、三…

1047
00:55:42,000 --> 00:55:43,750
‪一、二、三

1048
00:55:44,791 --> 00:55:45,625
‪我會唱

1049
00:55:45,708 --> 00:55:46,958
‪我付出代價…

1050
00:55:51,875 --> 00:55:53,625
‪我用高調曝光來付錢

1051
00:55:55,250 --> 00:55:58,041
‪我用高調曝光來付錢

1052
00:55:58,125 --> 00:56:00,208
‪很棒，下層這麼唱…

1053
00:56:03,041 --> 00:56:04,750
‪上層則唱…

1054
00:56:04,833 --> 00:56:05,666
‪可以嗎？

1055
00:56:06,375 --> 00:56:09,416
‪門票越便宜、能做的就越少
‪本來就是這樣

1056
00:56:10,708 --> 00:56:11,625
‪沒錯

1057
00:56:11,708 --> 00:56:13,166
‪第一排則是最爽的

1058
00:56:16,791 --> 00:56:18,458
‪當指揮家在指揮時

1059
00:56:19,041 --> 00:56:22,791
‪他用左手來指定某些人唱

1060
00:56:22,875 --> 00:56:26,000
‪當他雙手舉高
‪表示他要求其他聲部加入

1061
00:56:27,000 --> 00:56:29,333
‪當他手放低時，他們的歌聲轉輕

1062
00:56:29,416 --> 00:56:31,750
‪所以請注意我的“手”

1063
00:56:34,166 --> 00:56:37,208
‪我用自動調諧軟體
‪因為大家說我看起來像波茲馬龍

1064
00:56:37,291 --> 00:56:39,041
‪所以我呼應他的特質

1065
00:56:45,291 --> 00:56:47,291
‪我用高調曝光來付錢

1066
00:56:48,583 --> 00:56:50,375
‪我用高調曝光來付錢

1067
00:56:58,333 --> 00:57:00,333
‪我用高調曝光來付錢

1068
00:57:01,583 --> 00:57:03,541
‪我用高調曝光來付錢

1069
00:57:03,625 --> 00:57:05,916
‪給自己鼓掌，太棒了

1070
00:57:34,916 --> 00:57:36,916
‪我的名字無人不曉

1071
00:57:38,250 --> 00:57:40,750
‪雖然這很奇怪

1072
00:57:46,708 --> 00:57:48,916
‪你說你是超級粉絲

1073
00:57:50,083 --> 00:57:52,708
‪但你卻錯叫我安德森

1074
00:57:55,416 --> 00:57:56,333
‪這事常有

1075
00:57:59,083 --> 00:58:01,333
‪這樣好久了

1076
00:58:02,333 --> 00:58:05,000
‪自從一切都變了

1077
00:58:10,750 --> 00:58:12,958
‪你說門票很貴

1078
00:58:14,041 --> 00:58:17,333
‪但通通賣光了

1079
00:58:20,833 --> 00:58:23,791
‪我想放下一切

1080
00:58:23,875 --> 00:58:28,416
‪然後搬去跟小內內住

1081
00:58:32,916 --> 00:58:35,875
‪但沒有空間能容得下我的朋友

1082
00:58:35,958 --> 00:58:40,541
‪還有小內內的朋友

1083
00:58:44,750 --> 00:58:47,958
‪但當出門在外時

1084
00:58:48,041 --> 00:58:52,916
‪不必擔心是否有人帶錢

1085
00:58:56,958 --> 00:58:59,791
‪那是我唯一喜歡的事

1086
00:58:59,875 --> 00:59:04,875
‪成名唯一帶來的好處

1087
00:59:05,708 --> 00:59:06,541
‪現在換你們

1088
00:59:08,458 --> 00:59:09,833
‪我付錢…

1089
00:59:14,333 --> 00:59:16,041
‪我用高調曝光來付錢

1090
00:59:17,000 --> 00:59:18,833
‪我用高調曝光來付錢

1091
00:59:25,875 --> 00:59:27,875
‪我用高調曝光來付錢

1092
00:59:29,166 --> 00:59:31,166
‪我用高調曝光來付錢

1093
00:59:32,875 --> 00:59:36,625
‪你們絕對是我這次巡演

1094
00:59:37,541 --> 00:59:38,625
‪最棒的唱詩班

1095
00:59:41,333 --> 00:59:42,166
‪絕對是

1096
00:59:44,000 --> 00:59:45,500
‪非常棒，恭喜

1097
00:59:49,208 --> 00:59:51,125
‪我心情有點激動，謝謝大家

1098
00:59:54,291 --> 00:59:56,750
‪我喜歡這樣說
‪我每次這樣說，他們都很開心

1099
01:00:00,291 --> 01:00:04,166
‪你們很多人可能從沒看過唱詩班

1100
01:00:04,250 --> 01:00:05,750
‪或是你有，但沒好好注意過

1101
01:00:06,416 --> 01:00:07,583
‪知道他們在做什麼嗎？

1102
01:00:08,083 --> 01:00:10,750
‪在你們離開這裡前，我一定會

1103
01:00:11,250 --> 01:00:14,333
‪讓你們看到並瞭解他們在做什麼

1104
01:00:15,166 --> 01:00:17,000
‪他們說我可以替唱詩班命名

1105
01:00:17,083 --> 01:00:20,541
‪所以，請大家用力鼓掌

1106
01:00:21,166 --> 01:00:22,916
‪來歡迎“新好聲音”

1107
01:00:23,458 --> 01:00:24,500
‪來點歡呼聲！

1108
01:00:45,166 --> 01:00:46,416
‪合唱團由四個聲部

1109
01:00:47,166 --> 01:00:48,583
‪組合而成

1110
01:00:49,875 --> 01:00:50,875
‪女低音

1111
01:00:51,833 --> 01:00:52,833
‪女高音

1112
01:00:53,416 --> 01:00:55,500
‪男低音，還有男高音

1113
01:00:56,708 --> 01:00:58,416
‪四個聲部通力合作

1114
01:01:00,083 --> 01:01:01,375
‪融合成天籟之音

1115
01:01:02,583 --> 01:01:04,083
‪在這個劇院裡

1116
01:01:05,166 --> 01:01:06,125
‪創造了協同效應

1117
01:01:06,208 --> 01:01:08,708
‪使你放鬆，讓你情緒高昂

1118
01:01:09,916 --> 01:01:11,666
‪我讓你聽每一個聲部

1119
01:01:19,166 --> 01:01:22,541
‪-我用高調曝光來付錢
‪-我用高調曝光來付錢

1120
01:01:22,625 --> 01:01:25,625
‪-我用高調曝光來付錢
‪-我用高調曝光來付錢

1121
01:01:31,625 --> 01:01:34,708
‪-我用高調曝光來付錢
‪-我用高調曝光來付錢

1122
01:01:34,791 --> 01:01:37,791
‪-我用高調曝光來付錢
‪-我用高調曝光來付錢

1123
01:01:37,875 --> 01:01:38,875
‪現在只有女低音

1124
01:01:44,041 --> 01:01:47,166
‪-我用高調曝光來付錢
‪-我用高調曝光來付錢

1125
01:01:47,250 --> 01:01:50,833
‪-我用高調曝光來付錢
‪-我用高調曝光來付錢

1126
01:01:50,916 --> 01:01:51,750
‪女高音

1127
01:01:56,458 --> 01:01:59,541
‪-我用高調曝光來付錢
‪-我用高調曝光來付錢

1128
01:01:59,625 --> 01:02:03,333
‪-我用高調曝光來付錢
‪-我用高調曝光來付錢

1129
01:02:03,416 --> 01:02:04,583
‪男低音

1130
01:02:08,833 --> 01:02:12,041
‪-我用高調曝光來付錢
‪-我用高調曝光來付錢

1131
01:02:12,125 --> 01:02:15,583
‪-我用高調曝光來付錢
‪-我用高調曝光來付錢

1132
01:02:15,666 --> 01:02:16,583
‪男高音

1133
01:02:21,125 --> 01:02:24,333
‪-我用高調曝光來付錢
‪-我用高調曝光來付錢

1134
01:02:24,416 --> 01:02:27,250
‪-我用高調曝光來付錢
‪-我用高調曝光來付錢

1135
01:02:27,333 --> 01:02:28,416
‪全部一起

1136
01:02:34,041 --> 01:02:36,625
‪-我用高調曝光來付錢
‪-我用高調曝光來付錢

1137
01:02:36,708 --> 01:02:43,708
‪-我用高調曝光來付錢
‪-我用高調曝光來付錢

1138
01:02:56,000 --> 01:02:58,208
‪波多，來點尖叫聲

1139
01:03:01,416 --> 01:03:04,250
‪-我用高調曝光來付錢
‪-我用高調曝光來付錢

1140
01:03:04,333 --> 01:03:08,833
‪我覺得很棒

1141
01:03:13,375 --> 01:03:16,333
‪-我用高調曝光來付錢
‪-我用高調曝光來付錢

1142
01:03:16,416 --> 01:03:22,750
‪我覺得很棒

1143
01:03:22,833 --> 01:03:27,791
‪我有56個乾兒女

1144
01:03:27,875 --> 01:03:31,166
‪我搞不清楚誰是誰

1145
01:03:31,250 --> 01:03:35,250
‪蒂魯利帕

1146
01:03:35,333 --> 01:03:39,541
‪有十二個恩佐斯
‪九個約翰，十四個比雅斯

1147
01:03:39,625 --> 01:03:43,125
‪八個荷西和三個阿納斯

1148
01:03:43,208 --> 01:03:47,000
‪沒有塞巴斯蒂亞斯

1149
01:03:47,083 --> 01:03:51,791
‪如果我想在派對上尿尿

1150
01:03:51,875 --> 01:03:55,083
‪我要帶上三個保鏢

1151
01:03:55,666 --> 01:03:58,958
‪保鏢

1152
01:03:59,041 --> 01:04:03,541
‪我害羞地跟三個男人尿尿

1153
01:04:03,625 --> 01:04:06,916
‪全盯著我的小伙伴

1154
01:04:07,416 --> 01:04:13,458
‪我的小伙伴

1155
01:04:20,958 --> 01:04:24,666
‪當人們在麵包店看到我，總不可置信

1156
01:04:24,750 --> 01:04:28,125
‪大概需要五到六秒才會相信

1157
01:04:28,208 --> 01:04:31,500
‪他們要合照，我和他們全家族都拍了

1158
01:04:31,583 --> 01:04:35,000
‪太酷了，同時我的咖啡也冷了

1159
01:04:35,083 --> 01:04:38,291
‪有次我進店裡，屋主跪在地上

1160
01:04:38,375 --> 01:04:41,416
‪他以為盧西亞諾胡克也同行

1161
01:04:41,916 --> 01:04:45,125
‪他以為他的舊車就要能翻新了

1162
01:04:45,208 --> 01:04:47,541
‪但我得讓他失望

1163
01:04:47,625 --> 01:04:51,625
‪我只是想買麵包

1164
01:04:51,708 --> 01:04:55,250
‪我只是想買麵包

1165
01:04:55,333 --> 01:04:58,250
‪我用高調曝光來付錢

1166
01:05:01,291 --> 01:05:05,208
‪我只是想買麵包

1167
01:05:05,291 --> 01:05:08,708
‪我只是想買麵包

1168
01:05:08,791 --> 01:05:11,916
‪而我用高調曝光來付錢

1169
01:05:13,708 --> 01:05:18,750
‪我的小伙伴

1170
01:05:18,833 --> 01:05:22,041
‪我的小伙伴

1171
01:05:22,125 --> 01:05:28,000
‪我的小伙伴

1172
01:05:28,083 --> 01:05:30,250
‪你所聽過最動人的“歌雞”

1173
01:05:30,333 --> 01:05:36,291
‪-我的小伙伴
‪-我的小伙伴

1174
01:05:36,375 --> 01:05:43,375
‪-我的小伙伴
‪-我的小伙伴

1175
01:05:48,416 --> 01:05:51,541
‪-我用高調曝光來付錢
‪-我用高調曝光來付錢

1176
01:05:51,625 --> 01:05:56,541
‪-我用高調曝光來付錢
‪-我用高調曝光來付錢

1177
01:06:01,208 --> 01:06:04,416
‪-我用高調曝光來付錢
‪-我用高調曝光來付錢

1178
01:06:04,500 --> 01:06:08,583
‪-我用高調曝光來付錢
‪-我用高調曝光來付錢

1179
01:06:19,291 --> 01:06:20,291
‪謝謝你，波多

1180
01:06:23,000 --> 01:06:23,916
‪晚安

1181
01:06:25,375 --> 01:06:26,791
‪《向唱詩班佈道》

1182
01:06:27,541 --> 01:06:29,041
‪謝謝你們掏錢

1183
01:06:31,458 --> 01:06:33,958
‪這是我們的最終場，下次見

1184
01:06:36,041 --> 01:06:38,541
‪下次見，謝謝，波多！

1185
01:06:47,541 --> 01:06:49,541
‪謝謝你，波多！

1186
01:08:51,041 --> 01:08:52,916
‪字幕翻譯：徐筱婷