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[Hospital intercom]
[Footsteps approaching]
Michelle: Tyler!
[Hospital intercom]
Doctor: I'm sorry.
We tried everything we could.
Tyler: What does that mean?
Doctor: He's gone.
[Parents begin to cry]
[Michelle gasps]
Tyler: I'm going to go see him.
[Hospital intercom]
[Violin tuning]
Tyler: Mateusz! We'’re live in 20 seconds.
Arming the mics in five.
[Classical music begins]
Hi.
[Clears throat]
I'm making this video because...
Hello.
I wish that I could make a
separate video for each...
Fuck.
Hi.
I'm making this video because I want you to understand
why I've done what I've done.
[Phone rings]
[Tyler sighs]
- Hey! - Dr. Matt: Hey.
So?
So...
Today?
No.
- No? - No, no, no,
It's bad.
I almost passed out walking into the studio.
It's a... more frequent now, more intense,
and it's gone into my back.
- But um... - Not good enough?
Today? No.
But I'm glad you called, because I was just thinking, uh...
maybe we could delay a little bit?
Maybe till four or so?
That be alright?
We don'’t have to do it at all.
I know we don't have to do it at all, I just...
I just realized
there are some things I need to do.
- So. - Okay.
Yeah.
- Okay. - Yeah.
So, 4:00.
- Okay. - Yeah.
Make sure you don'’t eat anything
five minutes before.
Yeah.
No, I...
[Laughs] [mumbles]
Just water or, uh,
clear juice.
It'’s Okay.
Yeah, I got it.
Thank you.
I'll see you at 4:00, huh?
- Yeah. - Okay.
Yeah. I'm here for you, man.
I know you're -
If you need anything else
before that, I'm around, just give me a call.
Okay, I will.
I appreciate it. I'll see you.
- Okay. - Alright.
- Bye. - Bye.
[Deep breath]
What are you gonna say?
I want you to know that I...
I want you to know that I'’ve... um--
[Whispers] Sorry.
I feel, uh...
[Phone ringing]
[Phone hangs up]
[Phone ringing]
Hey!
Sorry, can you hear me?
- Cristeen: Yeah. - Oh.
- Hi! - Uh, hey. Uh...
Is everything okay?
Oh, yeah, I was just, um.
Well, I just -
You know, I would -
I usually expect, like, a text. Not,
Oh.
- just kind of a random phone call out of the blue, you know?
Yeah, well, sorry about that, I - um...
I mean, I -
You know, that's why I didn't pick up.
Oh.
I just thought it was kind of weird,
so I...
So everything's okay?
Well, um,
I guess I want you to know that, um...
Well, I.
[Chuckles]
I feel kind of bad
that um... we're not--
You know, we're not as close
as we used to be, and, um,
that we don't, you know,
we don't talk that often.
In fact, I don't even know when's the last time we talked
was it something about
Mom and Dad's will, right?
Yeah?
Yeah.
- And I just feel - - You know, I've -
I've - I've called you.
I've sent you a lot of texts, um...
You know, I've got a closet full of
stuff that's - half the shit is yours.
Um, you know,
I told you, I'm completely open.
You could have come and -
and gone through all of
this with me any time.
Um, still,
you know, the invitation is still open.
I'm here.
Yeah, well,
yeah, I appreciate that.
I -
You know, speaking of old stuff, I - I, um...
When I tried to FaceTime you before
I had the camera pointed
at this old timey photo.
I don't know if you remember, um...
the one where I'm sitting in your lap.
It's -
I don't know how -
I guess I must be five
and you're 11
or something like that. And, uh,
You know -
Do you remember that at all?
I don't know.
I don't.
It's okay. But - but I just,
I really just wanted to -
To say that I regret
that we've drifted apart.
And I know that I wasn't
I wasn't there as much
as I wanted to be to help out with
Mom and Dad there at the end.
And, uh...
Uh...
Yeah, I mean,
well, it's kind of done,
- you know? - Mmhmm.
- Yeah.
I mean, I,
I - Yeah, I really could have used your help.
Yeah, I know.
You know, I mean, that was a lot of,
you know, I mean...
I mean, I literally -
Yeah, I... [Awkwardly chuckles]
- ... all that stuff... - No, no, you're right.
You're right. You're right.
- I don't wanna get into all th- - ... honestly...
You're right.
I don't wanna get into all that.
I just,
I wanted to,
I just wanted to kind of,
I'm...
You'’re, uh,
I guess it's important
for me to communicate to you
that you're a,
you know, you're a dear
person to me, obviously.
And um....you know what?
You know what I was--
No, no, no.
Here'’s the thing though. I mean...
Are you sick or something?
I mean, where is this kind of coming from?
I'’m -
I'm just a little surprised.
Yeah.
No, I guess I'’ve just been...
doing some soul searching,
and I know that I haven't, um,
I haven't been the best brother
to you, uh, and, um...
You know, can I -
I just want to say...
I'm okay.
I'm fine.
Uh, I -
I have a family
that loves me and supports me,
and I have a support system.
Uh, I've been a support system
for Laura, and
I love her
like she's my own.
But I'm not you.
Yeah, well, I -
And, uh...
You know, that's a--
I don'’t really think that, really -
I mean, with your call -
I don't know, it's just -
It's just kind of bizarre.
Yeah. No, I didn't call to--
I didn't--
I didn't call to talk about Laura.
I just wanted to--
I guess you're right,
because you don't really ever
call to talk about Laura.
I mean, when you call at all.
You know, I was thinking you should really get an Instagram.
You know why?
Because I know more
about people I don't give a shit about
than you know about your own daughter.
So, just a thought.
...Okay.
[Awkwardly chuckling] Sorry, I just wanted to
let you know that
you'’re important to me.
I know that I'm important to you.
I want more to be important.
You know?
But I don't want to go around
and round and round, so.
And I have a grocery pickup, um,
that I have to do
in, like, 20 minutes, so.
Okay.
Uh, you know, I would -
I'm going to lose you if I--
- Okay. - when I go downhill, so,
Okay.
Um, I just can't...
I don't know.
I just-- That's all I can tell you.
Okay.
And that's all I want from you.
- Really. Really. - Okay.
And when - that's all I want.
- Okay? - Okay.
- Talk to ya later. - Yeah.
Okay, bye.
[Whispers] Okay.
[Doorbell chimes]
Oh, hey, Harry!
Hey, hold on a second, will you?
I'll be right there.
Hey, Harry.
Sorry about that.
I'm not moving as fast as I normally do.
I just had a couple of documents that
I wanted to personally hand you '’cause they're
kind of important.
Department of Health and
and lawyers and shit like that.
Uh, yeah,
that's it as far as far as the mail goes.
[Tyler sniffs]
All right.
See you tomorrow.
Hey, Harry?
Yeah?
Uh, I just realized
in the - what -
I don't know how long it's been five years or whatever
that you've been dropping off
mail here - I,
I never took the time
because I'm always so busy to -
To get to know you at all,
other than, you know, just,
Here's what I'm giving you.
Here's what you're giving me.
I mean like, for instance,
do you have a family?
Yeah, I have a daughter.
- Oh, do you? - Yeah.
So do - oh.
- How old? - About 18.
About 18?
- Yeah. - [laughs]
I can't keep count.
Yeah. [laughs]
That's nice, man.
That's nice.
Well, I'll talk to you later.
[Birds chirping]
Are you and she close?
Harry: Yeah, we're pretty close.
That's good.
Stay close with her.
[Harry laughs] I'’ll try, man.
[Chuckles]
What else do you like to do?
- Um... - Besides mailman-ing?
When I'm not being a mailman,
I'm a stand up comic.
No foolin'’?
Yeah.
Oh, man.
You know what?
I've always felt like...
stand up comedians are the bravest artists
because you've got to get up there and
risk bombing.
No, we're not brave.
We're just foolish.
[Both laugh]
But you've killed a lot, huh?
Uh, I wouldn't say that.
I would say that.
Hey, man.
I know it's a dumb question.
Can you tell me one of your jokes,
like your best
one that kills every time.
Like, right now?
Yeah.
Well, I mean, this is my
primary job.
I feel like I'm on the clock.
- I shouldn'’t be telling jokes. - Oh.
Okay.
All right, I'll see you.
[Engine starts]
[Motorcycle revs]
Hey, Harry?
[Motorcycle revs loudly]
Good luck, man!
[Breathing deeply]
Hey, Michelle.
Period.
Sorry for the late notice,
but I was wondering
if you and I could do
a FaceTime call later. Period.
Maybe noon?
Question mark.
Let me know.
Period.
Thanks.
[Light clicks on]
[Exhales]
[Phone ringing]
Hey!
Michelle: Hey.
Well, I can barely hear you.
Hold on.
I'’ll get the volume up.
[Michelle inaudible]
Oh, there you are.
Can you -?
Hey, I can't actually do 12:00.
I have a Zoom meeting, so I have a few sec -
You have a few seconds?
Yeah. I can't do -
I can't do 12:00, I have a Zoom meeting.
So can you talk right now?
- Yeah... - [Michelle inaudible]
[Call drops]
[sighs]
[Car drives by]
[Phone rings]
Hi. Michelle: Hello?
Hello, hi.
Hi. Sorry about that.
Sorry about the reception.
No, no, that's okay.
I appreciate you trying.
Yeah but I only have a few seconds -
- I only have a few seconds, uh - Oh.
to talk right now.
Oh, okay. Um.
Okay, well, everything's okay with you?
Yeah! Yeah, we'’re good.
You know, we're just, uh,
little bit in limbo with work and stuff, but,
- Uh huh. E- verything'’s good. Boys are good.
Boys are good? Okay.
- Okay. - Yeah,
What about you? What about you?
Yeah.
I got work. You know, kind of a -
- Yeah? That'’s good. - little bit of a limbo myself.
[chuckles]
Yeah, well, join the club.
Um...
But so, uh, what -
What is it?
What's up?
Well, a lot, actually, but
I wanted to ask about Laura.
How is she doing?
Uh...
Well, she's been better.
Really?
What's going on?
You got her number?
Yeah.
Yeah. Hold on.
- Uh, it'’s - - Hello?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Two-zero-six -
No!
Tyler, I know you technically have her number. I'’m just saying.
You have a number, right?
Right.
Yeah. So?
So maybe I can help.
I don't know.
Maybe you can.
Well I just -
I wouldn't want to intrude or anything like that...
[Michelle sighs]
Cause her any more trouble.
Tyler.
I mean, are you waiting for me to tell you what to do?
Are you looking for me to tell you
that it might be a good idea for you to call her?
Do you want to know if she needs you?
Sure.
Well,
she could tell you that.
Yeah. It's just -
I don't know if it's a good idea to call.
I don't know either. I don't know.
You need to find out from her.
I mean, I gotta -
I gotta go. I have to go now.
Hold on one second.
There's something I -
Tyler, I really have to go.
I just want you to know,
- Shelly, that you're - - I gotta go.
[Phone hangs up]
[Birds chirping]
[Light clicks on]
[Cork pops]
[Wine pours]
[sighs]
[Doorbell rings]
[Door slams]
- Hey, Kev. - Hey!
Go and set up I'’ll be right there.
Kevin: Okay.
What are you gonna tell him?
[Chair drags]
Let'’s see how you did.
Perfect as usual.
How are you?
Pretty good.
Tyler: Yeah? Only pretty good?
Yeah.
What you been up to?
- Gaming? - Gaming.
So, how are things at home?
It's been going fine lately.
Getting along with your brother?
Sometimes.
Tyler: Yeah.
How are things with your mom's new fella?
Well, it'’s a - it's always a new one.
Should we take a look?
Nice.
[Tyler breathes deeply]
[Chuckles]
Tyler: Wait, wait a minute.
Go back.
One more.
[Floor creaks]
What is this?
[Floor creaks]
So what are you gonna do with those images?
Going to download them
to my school computer.
And then what?
I'’m going to copy them to these.
- Nice. - How Many?
- Two - Why?
Because if you don'’t have them in three places
you don't really want to keep them.
What's neutral in that shot?
Balanced for daylight.
So tungsten light would play...
Yellow.
Now how do you get greater
depth of field?
Kevin: Stop down.
What's the trade off?
Slower shutter speed.
What's the side effect of that?
Kevin: Motion blur.
And uh, [clears throat]
What'’s our favorite portrait lens?
Uh, medium telephoto.
Why?
It'’s less distortion than a normal wide field lens.
It's more pleasing.
Very good.
What's that?
Uh, that's a cam card set up.
Kevin: But who is it?
Um, [clears throat]
That's me
and my son.
I didn't know you had a son.
Hmm.
Is he grown up?
He died.
Passed away. About ten years ago.
He was... around your age.
Sorry.
Tyler: It's okay.
What's his name?
Isaak.
Do you have any other kids?
Yeah, I have a daughter.
Kevin: Where is she?
As far as I know, she's a senior in college.
Kevin: What's her name?
Laura.
Kevin: Where is she?
Like I said, she's
in college in Seattle,
and I haven't seen her
in quite a while. Kevin: Why?
It's kind of hard to explain.
It's just -
we kind of lost touch.
Nothing she did wrong.
Just, after Isaac died I couldn't, um...
Better off without me, anyway.
Do you miss her?
Do you miss your dad?
Yeah.
So, Kev,
I have some bad news.
I have some good news.
But the bad news is that
this is going to have to be our last lesson together.
Why?
Well, I'm not feeling well.
I'm sick.
Maybe you noticed -
maybe you noticed that I'’m not [clears throat]
moving as quickly as I used to.
Don't have as much energy.
So I'’m... not going to be able to teach you anymore.
In fact, I'm not going to be able to
keep the studio going anymore.
And I want you to understand something.
It'’s really important to me
That you understand this.
It has nothing whatsoever to do with you.
I love doing this with you.
It'’s the only thing -
I really look forward to it.
But hey, you know,
you - you really don't need me anymore.
Look at your stuff, it'’s great.
You've, [chuckles]
You know how to use that instrument, now it'’s
now it's what you want to say,
what you want to express.
I think you're a really good photographer,
and I think you're
an even better kid.
How you feeling?
Yeah, me too.
Well, you ready for the good news?
Take that.
That'’s a D4.
That'’s the camera a professional shoots.
How'’s it feel?
Kevin: Heavy.
[Chuckles] Yeah.
Yeah...
Well, guess what?
It's yours.
It'’s yours to keep.
Thanks.
What do you think?
I think I wanna go home now.
Yes, sure.
You know that, that camera is going to open up
a whole new world for you, Kev.
That lens. Pretty sweet, right?
Hey, Kev?
Why don't you...
Why don'’t you show me what you can do with that thing?
Let'’s shoot something. What do you want to shoot?
[Camera clicks]
How'’s it look?
Good.
Well...
[Birds chirping]
[Car door shuts]
[Door creaks]
Mercy?
Hey, that's my purse!
[Tyler chuckles]
How come you have it? Tyler, what happened?
I saw you walk in with those flowers,
And you left it on top of the car, and I waited for
you for a second to come back
- and figured I better - - Thank you!
take it.
I'’m so absent minded.
We're - We've just been so crazy.
- That's okay. - Thanks!
- Just set it down right here. - Sure.
I still have to fix this up.
Oh? Is it for a special occasion?
Yes. Easter is coming,
so we've got to make sure we have all these rea-
Are -
Are you okay?
You need some water?
Oh, no, no.
No, thank you.
Just breathe.
I'm here.
Oh, thank you.
[Both chuckle]
You know, I've never actually been in here.
Hmmm.
It's lovely.
It's really lovely.
It'’s a...
no offense, but it's not much
to look at from the outside, but it's rea-
[Both laugh]
- It's really nice in here. - It'’s true.
It's true.
Well, I'm glad you came in, but
you don't look so good.
You want to tell me?
I'm tired.
And I, uh,
just wonder sometimes if it's
all worthwhile.
Tyler: You ever ask yourself that?
Yes.
Yes, I have.
And what answer do you give yourself?
- On a dark day? - Uh huh.
That it's not.
But then,
always something pulls me back and shows me that it's not true.
And what's that?
My faith.
Ah.
And what about someone who -
who doesn't share the same faith as you?
What would you tell that person?
Mercy: I would tell them
to focus on the gifts
of the good days
and where they came from
and how they made them feel.
Focus on the light
of those moments.
What if those moments were...
ten years ago?
And you haven'’t had any since? [Chokes up]
There's always time
for those things to come back.
There's always hope
for happiness to reach you again.
But if you're not here,
you're going to miss them.
You know?
Yeah.
I know you're not my faith.
You do?
Well, it seems that you're not. You're here, though.
Something must have called you in here other than just my purse.
[Chuckles]
You know, somebody could have taken that,
and we would have never been in here.
But you're here.
You're looking for that spiritual connection.
That moment in those ten years ago that
filled you with happiness.
What was it?
Tyler: Um...
I had a son.
Who died.
[quietly] Sorry for your loss.
Tyler: Thank you.
[Whispering] I...can'’t imagine the pain.
Can I ask you...?
You said "faith."
And is it that faith that, uh,
allows you to go to heaven
when you die?
No.
What is it?
Seeing.
I believe, in this temple,
that God lives here.
What if I don't believe that?
Hmm.
I would say,
that to bring yourself
back to those ten years ago when you had your son
and that love that you felt.
It's the type of love
that God has for all His creatures.
Even if you don't believe in Him,
He still loves you.
He still loves your son.
And He gave us in this faith
the possibility to reunite
with our loved ones.
Even if you've never seen the inside of a church?
Even if you've never seen inside of a church.
Can I ask you,
have you ever...
done something that you -
you wish you could have
changed, that you wish you could change,
but you feel like it's too late to change it?
Yes.
Yes, I have.
Um...
major things, small things,
you know,
things I wish I could take back,
that I feel guilty about.
Yeah.
But I go back to that.
That God is love.
He already forgave me,
and I don't have to kick myself about that.
I don't have to let the world take me apart.
I have to let the world tell me I'm guilty
because I already repented in my heart.
Mercy: Have you repented in your heart?
I don't know.
I - [Clears throat]
Thank you for talking to me.
Any time.
I'm glad you stopped by.
We're neighbors and we never talk.
I know, I'’m sorry.
[Chuckles]
But this house is always open to you.
Thank you.
Okay.
Nice to see you.
Thanks again.
- You take care. - Okay.
I only took -
I only took the 40 bucks.
[Laughs]
Thank you for bringing that back.
I would have been lost without it.
Aren'’t these beautiful?
Oh, yeah. They'’re beautiful.
Yeah. Yeah.
You're going to be okay?
We'’ll see.
Okay.
Take care.
- All right. - I mean, really.
Take care.
[Whispers] I will.
You too.
Bye.
[Door creaks open]
[Door slams shut]
[Phone rings]
Voicemail: Hi, this is Laura.
I can't come to the phone right now,
but if you leave your name and number,
I'll get back to you as soon as I can.
Thanks.
[Beep]
[Phone rings]
Hi, this is Laura.
I can't come to the phone right now,
but if you leave your name and number,
I'll get back to you as soon as I can.
Thanks.
[Beep]
Hey, Laura. [Clears throat]
It's your dad. Um...
[Coughs]
Sorry about that.
Sorry about the first voicemail, too.
Uh, that was kind of -
I didn'’t mean to -
Anyway, um,
I'm wondering if maybe you could call me back
as soon as you get this.
Yeah, just call me back
the earliest time you can.
Soon as you can it'’d be great.
At uh, five-oh -
Well, I guess you have my number, right?
Bye.
[Phone rings]
Hello?
Laura: Hello?
Hi, Laura.
- I'm sorry - - What do you want, Tyler?
Well, I just -
I'm sorry about the, uh,
the messages.
The two messages I just sent you,
sorry about that, but
I appreciate you calling me back.
You called me.
I just, uh,
I saw that you called and
I'’m not interested in talking really, right now.
- Oh. - Is this is something
you wanted to say to me?
I wanted to, just to know how you're doing.
Um...
I'’m...
I'’m doing fine. I'’m doing fine.
[Motorcycle revs outside] Well, hold on a second.
Can you just hold on one second?
I have to just duck in -
Did mom ask you to call me?
I'’m -
No, no, no, no.
Why do you care how I'm doing?
You've never asked how I'm doing.
Well, I did talk to your mom, though,
earlier, and she did s-
she kind of alluded to the idea
that maybe you weren't doing so well and -
Oh my god.
Well, there's, you know, it's, um.
Everyone's not doing well, but I'm fine.
You know, I don't think that
checking in on me after
I don'’t know - four years
since I've seen you last?
Um...
I'm doing fine, Tyler.
I'm doing fine.
And, and you don't have to worry about about it, okay?
No, I'm.
I'm not worried about it.
I just...
Are you sure? Because it,
'’cause,
your mom, I think she said,
she said you'd been better
or something like that.
And so -
What the fuck do you want right now?
Okay, I'm...
No, I'm not doing fine.
I'm not. I -
I-I'm leaving school
at the end of the semester.
I can't afford to get back into school
after this semester.
I lost my scholarship, and
And I'm not sure where I'm going to be living right now.
I-I'm actually,
- [Whispers] God... - You what?
I'’m...
You what?
[Laura crying] Gary left me.
Gary left me, and I am - and I -
I had a miscarriage.
I had a miscarriage
six months ago.
And I am.... I'’m...
I'’m just feeling really sad right now,. My--
Gary, he blamed me for it
and he'’s gone.
And I'’m -
[Crying] I can'’t -
I can'’t do this right now, okay?
I can't do it right now, I can'’t talk to you -
Okay.
I... I...
Okay.
[Laura crying]
Why do you care? What are you gonna do about it, huh?
What are you gonna do?
[Crying] I have nothing!
What are you going to do, Tyler!?
You care?
You'’re calling to see how I'’m doing and if I'’m fucking doing okay? I'’m--
I gotta go. [Sniffs]
[Phone hangs up]
[Melancholy music starts]
What are you going to do now?
[Birds chirping]
[Music continues]
He's here.
Hello?
Tyler: Hey!
I'll be right down.
Hey.
Dr. Matt: Hey, buddy.
Did you paint that?
No. No,
an acquaintance of mine from Art Center.
Last night I did
this livestream of the Spokane String Quartet.
My last gig,
I guess.
And right in the middle of it, I had the thought...
Is this the last music I'm ever going to hear?
And that got me thinking,
What's the last thing I'm going to see?
Of course it had to be him.
And it's either that or this.
You want a glass of wine?
I got this incredible bottle.
It was from my wedding day.
Supposed to be opened by -
You'’re not really supposed to -
I know, I know, I know.
Just like, a couple, couple of little sips.
Genius wine.
Dr. Matt: Well,
I think I might have something a little better.
What'’ve we got here?
Holy shit.
Wow. 27 year.
[Chuckles]
Yeah.
What did you do?
Refinance your house?
[Both laugh]
Tyler: Thank you.
I figured it was a...
special occasion.
Yeah, I guess it is, isn't it?
How often you do this?
Wow.
[Snorts] I guess you get to keep the bottle, don't you?
[Laughs] I didn'’t really think of that.
I, I could get my lawyers on the line and see if
I could have my will changed to include the bottle. Wow.
Wow.
Thank you.
I mean, it's not entirely for pleasure.
You have to mix the,
the cocktail with either vodka
grandmarnier, or whiskey.
Well, I know how you feel about the first two.
Hmm.
Speaking of the cocktail, Where is it? Can I see it?
[Pills rattle]
[Bag zips shut]
Okay, what do we got here?
Well, we have,
anti-nausea medication,
which is to be taken
an hour before.
And then...
the cocktail, which consists of diazepam,
which is a Valium.
Morphine, we all know what that is.
Digoxin,
Propranolol, which is...
to chill you the fuck out, I guess.
What was the, uh,
the middle one? Started with a D?
Dr. Matt: Digoxin.
Yeah, what'’s that?
Stop the heart.
And what do we got, more paperwork? That's unbelievable.
That's for me.
What is that?
It is...
Washington State Tending Physicians
After-Death Reporting Form.
Tyler: So I guess you haven't filled that one out yet.
[Tyler takes a deep breath]
Dr. Matt: Yeah. Just one section.
Which section?
Dr. Matt: You wanna hear it?
Lay it on me.
"Question number seven:"
"Seven possible concerns that may have contributed"
"to the patient's decision"
"to request a prescription for a lethal -"
"for the lethal dose"
"of medication are shown below"
"Please check yes, no,"
"or don't know, depending" "on whether or not you believe what that concern"
"contributed to the request."
All right.
"Concern about..."
"the financial cost"
"of treating or prolonging his or her"
"terminal condition."
I put "no."
Correct.
Dr. Matt: "The decreasing ability"
"to participate in activities"
"that make life enjoyable."
Yes.
"Yes."
"His or her terminal -"
By the way, did you - do you have Kevin's
contact information, right?
Kevin? My neighbor kid
who I teach photography.
- Yes. - Yeah.
Got his address?
- You got his mom's number? - I'’m gonna check.
You'’re gonna check it? Ok.
Dr. Matt: I'’ll make sure he's taken care of.
Ok.
What's next?
Uh, "his or her terminal condition,"
"representing a steady loss of autonomy."
Mmhmm.
Dr. Matt: "The physical or emotional burden"
"on family, friends,"
"caregivers."
I put "no."
Dr. Matt: "The loss of control -
Couldn't even tell them.
Sorry?
I talked to my sister.
I talked to Michelle.
And I talked to Laura.
I couldn'’t tell any of them.
I felt like I just, what right have I to tell them?
I haven'’t earned the right to burden them in that way.
"Oh, hey, everybody that I've "
"that I've pushed away,"
"I'm sick, I'’m dying."
"Come gather '’round the flag for me."
Anyway, next?
Tyler: Or is that it?
No, uh,
"The loss of control of bodily functions"
"such as incontinence and vomiting."
"Yes."
"Inadequate pain control at the end of life."
"Yes."
"Loss of dignity."
"Yes."
You hear those birds?
Mmhmm.
It's nice.
What time is it?
4:19.
And you said those two one hour before?
Yes.
Okay.
May I?
[Tyler grunts]
Thank you.
One each?
Dr. Matt: Yes, one each.
Can you do it?
Well, should we - should we, uh,
Should we toast 1994?
Why 1994?
Well, there's a Japanese
whiskey drinking tradition that you,
you toast
the year the whiskey was bottled.
And you,
you speak of some memory
from that year in your life.
Dr. Matt: I'’ve never heard that before.
Yeah.
So, 1994.
1994...
I was...
still in high school
running around like a chicken with his head cut off.
Chasin'’ girls.
I was in LA. [Clears throat]
Going to Art Center.
This was a couple years before I met Michelle.
'’94... that was the, um,
that was the year of the Northridge quake.
I'’ll never forget that -
Forget that feeling,
I thought I was going to see God.
Do you ever get a feeling that
your son is better than you?
Better than me?
Ten years old,
and Isaak was
more of a man
than I'’ll ever be. Than I have ever been.
I mean, he fought, didn'’t he?
He really fought hard.
He really did.
I'’m sorry.
Did you know he was more concerned about us
than he was about himself?
He, uh,
he told Michelle and me to keep this
douchey little neighbor friend of his away from Laura.
[Tyler chuckles]
He and Laura used to have these long,
private conversations at the hospital
at the end.
Did she ever tell you what he said?
Did you ever get the sense that your kids better than you were?
Yeah, every day.
Tyler: Isaak was better,
braver than I'll ever be.
And Laura?
Laura is...
I missed out on her life.
I wasn't there.
I didn't help.
I think I know the answer.
[Gasps]
To what?
When you asked me why.
When you asked me why I ignored the symptoms.
Why'’d you ignore - Tyler: [Crying] That I died!
Dr. Matt: You died?
I died that day he died.
My little boy.
[Sobs]
I'’m not gonna see him again, man.
I'’m never going to see him again.
[Sobs]
[Sniffs]
It's not your fault.
[Sniffs]
I know, I -
I--
I quit on her - I quit on Laura, I quit on her!
She didn't deserve that.
I quit being her father. She didn'’t do anything wrong!
No one knows what it's like to be in your shoes.
[Tyler sniffs] You did the best you could.
How do I -
Did I -
You'’re a good man, Tyler.
I know you don'’t think so, but you're a good man.
So.
Well, 1 to 2 months.
What?
If I decided that -
If I decided today was good enough.
[Dr. Matt sighs]
Yeah, it depends.
Could I, uh,
Can you make it? Could you give me something so I could,
so I could make it
to Seattle?
Yeah.
I mean, drive to Seattle.
Dr. Matt: Yeah. Could you make it,
- So I can - - Dr. Matt: Um,
So I hold on?
This, I - I need to -
I need to just -
I don't know what I'’m gonna do -
I need to be there.
For her.
I want to be there for her.
Once and for all.
Dr. Matt: Yeah.
Maybe I can help her.
Dr. Matt: Whatever you need.
I'll get it for you, and...
You can make that happen.
Yeah.
'’Cause I, uh,
I don't want to die on her doorstep.
[Music begins]
Tyler: I want you to understand
why I've done what I've done.
I have been diagnosed with stage
stage four pancreatic cancer.
And my chances of surviving...
Well, there are none.
I've had a good life.
A good life.
A fortunate life.
I don't have any -
[Laughs]
I was about to say I don'’t have any regrets, but...
of course I have regrets.
I have many.
I wish I -
I have many regrets.
I hope, uh,
you all, each and every one of you
live a long, happy life.
So, uh, with love.
Goodbye.
[Music fades]
[Classical music begins]