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♪ Oh, loving baby ♪
♪ Something has happened to me ♪
♪ It's something strange and new ♪
♪ I wonder what can it be ♪
♪ Or is this my imagination? ♪
♪ Ooh, that keeps on causing this new sensation ♪
What are you doing?
Nothing.
Why are you in here?
Maddie said the seventh grade boys are sneaking over
for a kissing party.
-I know. I'm so nervous. -Then don't do it.
I'm calling my mom to pick me up.
You can't! Maddie said we all have to kiss them.
I don't wanna kiss.
Or wear thong underpants. I hate thong underpants.
But I'm worried if I wear normal underpants
and don't kiss and stuff,
then Maddie won't invite me to sleepovers anymore.
Well, you could sleep over at mine.
Tonight?
Yeah. I mean, we're not allowed to watch TV, which sucks,
but we could do braids.
-And I have a trundle bed. -I love trundle beds!
Do you have a best friend?
No. You?
No.
Hello, today...
- we're doing Katie's hair. - Yeah!
♪ I don't give a shit, I never try my best ♪
♪ I learn to live with it ♪
♪ I'm doing fine, stop asking me what's wrong ♪
♪ I live my life like I'm the only one ♪
Yeah. So, that's Delaney's future.
You are going to be a doctor.
I don't wanna be a doctor!
This is Katie's future.
You are getting married to Daniel.
Daniel is so annoying.
♪ Borrowed your car and barely made it back ♪
♪ The gas tank was empty ♪
♪ It always had that scratch ♪
♪ I'm doing my best here, but that's not good enough ♪
♪ I'll try harder next year ♪
♪ Don't call my bluff ♪
Okay. Read another post. Give me a hard one.
Uh, okay. "From Seattle to Savannah.
What a long, strange trip it's been. #VanLife."
- Tom Breyer? - How did you know that?
'Cause Tom Breyer needs to get a job.
-Another one. Get a good one. -Let me find a good one. Okay.
Uh...
- Okay. This one's hard. - Okay.
"Here's to adulting forever with this one.
He put a ring on it!" Singular exclamation.
-Sarah Casper. -You're cheating.
I'm not cheating. I'm that good.
-She's engaged? -Yeah.
She's a child.
She is 32 years old.
Sarah Casper would throw it all away for, like, some random guy.
I don't think he's random.
They've been dating since college.
Do you have any snacks?
-Did you not eat dinner? -I had peanut butter.
-And what? -A spoon?
Oh, my God. Let me make you something.
I'll just have saltines when I get home.
Oh, my God, no. I'll make you, um--
I'll make you a turkey burger.
-I can put poblanos on top. -What's poblanos?
Oh, it's a giant Mexican pepper.
It's actually our favorite pepper.
Second only to the jalapeño. You'll love it, I promise.
- It's really good. - Mm-hmm.
Mmm, I'm fine, thank you.
Well, if you're not hungry,
maybe you want a joke that I heard today?
It made me think of you instantly.
Okay. This is very good.
Okay, so there-- there are two pigs in a pit of mud,
and-- and the wife pig, uh, turns to the husband and says...
No, no, the husband says to the wife.
You're right. You're right.
Um, the-- the husband pig says to the wife, "Hey,
-did you see Farmer Jane--" -Should we get going?
Party started nine o'clock, so...
Oh, you wanna go to that?
Yeah.
Really? My throat feels kind of weird.
I-- I feel like...
I don't know if I got everyone sick, but I--
-You don't feel warm. Feel good. -No? Oh, you feel cold.
-Okay. -Do you not wanna go?
Is it crazy to stay here?
I mean, we have food here, blankets here.
I'm comfortable, you're comfortable.
-We can watch a movie. -Yeah, but hey,
if Katie doesn't wanna go out, Delaney,
I'd love to go out with you.
Please don't make me go alone.
I'm nervous and I'll get too fucked up.
No, you will not.
Like, she doesn't even come out anymore,
because she's always with her boyfriend, "John."
I don't know why I did that. His name is John.
John.
John, you think she's okay, right?
Mm-hmm.
No, I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go meet her.
I don't like him. Is that wrong to say? You know?
Like, if you don't like your best friend's boyfriend.
It's the way he makes her, if that makes sense.
Occupied!
Oh, you know what, though? My--
my contacts are already out.
And that's, like, a whole thing.
Only a year, and she moves in with him.
Kind of fast, if you ask me.
But nobody asked me.
I'm gonna go meet her for a little.
Okay?
John?
Yes, he's hot. I get it. I see it.
But he's boring.
Occupied!
- I think she's fine. - Mmm.
Yeah.
I'll come have sex.
How do you have the patience?
Well, we actually had an agreement
that if I set up his Wi-Fi,
he promised to wear boxers under his shorts
-during our PT sessions. -Oh, well.
-That could be worth it. -It's a give and a take,
- but, yeah. - Yeah.
-This looks nice, right? -Yeah, I like it.
-In the shade. It's good. -Okay, perfect.
Ah-- Oh.
Don't suppose I could get you
to call her back, maybe?
She gets so anxious when she's hungover.
Yeah, no, she does. I just, um--
-I just wanted to ask-- -How was it?
No, my Uber's now 27 minutes away!
Where are you?
I answered a 2:00 a.m. text from this guy.
And the drunker he got, the more he talked about Julia.
Yeah, not an ex. It's his female friend
that he's clearly in love with.
Did you hook up?
Yes. He asked me to role-play.
Oh, wow. Like, be a cheerleader or something? That's--
Oh, I wish. More like we're best friends and I suddenly
-see him in a new light. -Oh, my God.
I'm gonna order a pizza to my apartment. What do you want?
Ah, that sounds good. No, John and I are doing a-- a picnic.
Do you wanna come?
You know what? No. I'll-- I'll just try you later.
Okay. Bye.
All right. Bye.
Well, she's fine, but she met a new guy, and--
-Oh, my God! -It's okay!
-No, no, no-- -It's okay. It's okay.
As long as I have your undivided attention now.
-Yeah. -Yeah?
When I first moved here, it took me a while to get adjusted.
Yeah, you were mugged, like, three times that first week.
Right, well, I thought everyone needed directions. But then...
then I met you.
And you actually needed directions.
And I'm so, so glad
that I walked you into that coffee shop,
because you have made my life so much better
than I ever thought that I deserved.
Will you marry me?
- Yeah. Yeah. - Yeah? Yeah.
I hate the art Katie left here.
- It's so gross. - It's sentimental.
Okay, well, I live here now, and I like actual art.
Let me just ask Katie if she wants it
before we throw it away.
Where is Katie? I feel like she's usually here by now, like,
complaining about some ugly house she can't sell.
She's doing a picnic with John.
Like, eating on the ground?
Yeah. I feel so bad for her.
You know, it's like she misses the party last night,
and now she has to waste her entire Sunday
doing a picnic with her boyfriend?
-Ugh. -Can I say something?
I really don't buy John's whole "I'm such a nice guy" thing.
Like, you're a pervert.
You literally touch old ladies all day.
That's his job. He's a physical therapist for old people.
Katie would fall for a pervert.
I mean, she's clueless. Remember that time she got you,
like, a briefcase filled with old papers for your birthday?
Those were my great-grandparents'
-birth certificates. -Why would you want that?
She likes thoughtful surprises.
She's exactly like my sister.
She's nothing like your sister.
Mary had one kid, and now she won't shut up
-about her pelvic floor. -Yeah, Mary's the worst.
And her baby isn't even cute.
I can't imagine having a baby right now.
It's actually disgusting to have a baby.
-Or getting married? -Kill me.
But we're pretty far from that.
"We," like, you and me.
No, me and Katie.
Delaney, what?
You and Katie are on totally different paths.
I mean, Katie lives with her boyfriend.
They're very serious. And you literally still, like,
fuck the first guy who shares a cigarette with you.
- Ahh! - Wow!
-We love you so much. -We love you. Thank you.
Oh, thank you. We love you so much.
We cannot wait to celebrate with you guys.
We're so excited.
Bye.
I love your family. I love them.
Did you see your sister was crying?
Yeah! No, it's funny. She's known for months.
How did I not find this ring?
Oh, the ring was in a box, in a bin,
in an air vent in my office.
-You were never finding it. -Wow. And how about Delaney
playing it so cool?
Yeah, no, I didn't tell Delaney.
What?
Oh, well, I figured you wanted to tell her, right?
-Yeah! -Yeah.
So Delaney has no idea.
No, but we can call her right now, maybe.
Uh, yeah! Um, let's call her later, though, 'cause I think
-she's probably asleep. -No, it's fine.
We'll just call her from my phone.
It'll be a big surprise, I promise.
Yeah.
- Hey. - Hello?
You can just leave the pizza at the door,
and I'll grab it. Thank you.
Does she not have my number saved?
No, she does. I think she does.
I thought you'd be pretty excited to tell her.
I am.
I-- I really am. I just-- I just wanna...
tell her later.
Right.
I know, um, I'm not her favorite person.
That is not true, John. She loves you.
It's just that she has a hard time with change.
You know, when she was younger,
her parents sold the family minivan,
and she asked if she could go visit it at its new house.
Okay. Yeah, that's-- really sweet of her
to wanna check in on it.
And then remember when I told her I was moving out?
She didn't talk to me for, like, two weeks.
- Mm-hmm. - And whenever I passed her door,
she'd be muttering "Benedict Arnold."
Right, but-- but this, this is a good change.
I know, and I'm so excited, and I love you so much,
and I-- and I cannot wait to get married.
But I-- I just wanna make sure I tell her in the--
just in the right way for her.
Okay?
So let's parking lot the holiday campaign
and dig into the meat and taters
of our Spring Into Content campaign.
So this campaign is-- it's gonna be a big lift.
So we really need to stop the scroll.
We need some big ideas. We need some blue-sky ideas.
And, like, we just, like, really need everybody on this.
But I was kind of thinking, Delaney,
maybe you could run point for us.
Hmm, I don't-- I don't really have
the bandwidth for that right now.
Copy that. Luca, it's all yours.
Uh-- Okay. Uh, wow.
Yeah, that's-- that is just-- that's amazing.
I do just wanna flag that I'm working overtime
on two major campaigns right now
since Delaney didn't have the bandwidth last month.
So it's just kind of all fallen on my shoulders.
So that's-- that's totally fine. I just do just wanna flag that.
No, and thank you for flagging that.
Delaney, do you think you could maybe, like,
carve out some time to kind of tag-team it?
Yeah, I-- I gotta flag that I'm spread pretty thin over here.
What are you working on, Delaney?
-Putting out fires. -What kind of fires?
Big ones with employees that you don't know.
Right, and is that why your camera's always off?
Mmm, no, my camera's off, Luca, because it's allowed to be off.
Okay, guys, I think we should finish up
with a round of peaks and valleys.
So my valley was missing last week's happy hour.
Never has someone been so missed.
But my peak is that it's on the books for next week.
Popcorn to Delaney.
I guess my valley was editing Luca's Q4 pitch,
and then my peak was it's done now.
Popcorn to Alex.
You know...
my valley was that Ryan and I hit a speed bump.
-Wow. -So he-- he wants to open up
the relationship, and I just, I don't think that I have
the sexual confidence to withstand it.
So we're taking some time apart to kind of ideate on next steps.
But, Alex, are you okay? How are you feeling?
You know, like, I was upset, obviously.
-Of course. -I was really upset for a beat.
But then I had a one-on-one with my best friend.
You know, we went out, we got some drinks, we blew off steam,
just like old times, just the two of us,
and that, like, really, really helped.
Best friends just get it.
Oh, we're so aligned on that, Luca.
So what was Dad's reaction?
We FaceTimed him quickly.
Yeah, he was really happy for us.
-Yeah. -Aww.
Yeah.
I mean, not that happy.
-Oh. -Come on.
He was really excited, it seemed.
Yeah, or you knew to call him after 5:00.
Speaking of alcoholics, how did Delaney take the news?
Um, she was happy. Fine. Good.
Delaney doesn't know yet.
Katie wanted to tell her in her own way
before we told anybody else.
That is so classic. I--
Do you know that Delaney knew
that our parents were getting divorced before I did?
- Is-- is that true? - Yeah.
I mean, uh, she's my best friend, so...
I think you'd get it if-- if you had a best friend.
Well, my wife is my best friend, so.
Daria, who's your best friend?
No, I-- I'd rather not say.
We're each other's best friends.
-Each other's best-- -Yeah.
- Yeah. - Like normal adults.
Delaney loves Katie.
She'll be really happy once we tell her.
John, have you ever heard of
expectation recalibration therapy?
I was reading an article about it,
-and I think-- -Excuse me, what article?
It's an article. And I--
Where was this article?
In the journals for doctor-- repeat, doctors.
Henry, have you been listening again
to my sessions with my patients?
Anyway, expectation recalibration
is basically a therapy where you work
to accept that someone will never change, right?
Like, they suck, like, medically.
And in your case, that's Delaney,
and in our case, it's our dad.
So, I mean, Daria confirmed that he's a narcissist.
Oh, I have never treated your father,
and I've never made any medical claims about him.
-Excuse me. -Yeah, I mean, but you have.
I mean, we've talked about that.
-What are you talking about? -About-- you know.
-What are you-- -I sent him 20 of my poems
in the past year. Twenty.
And he never once told me that I was talented.
Right?
I mean, how hard is it to reply with a compliment?
How hard is it to, like, you know, just say,
like, a simple, Henry, you are a brilliant artist, right?
And it is a crime that you have to edit
other people's much weaker novels instead of
traveling the world on your own book tour, right?
He is selfish, Katie, and so is Delaney.
Yeah, I hear you. Um...
I-- I don't think Delaney's selfish.
I think she has a hard time with change.
Daria was treating our neighbor the other day.
-Henry! -No, he's a total freak, Daria.
I mean, he gets off on lizards.
And l-- did he say blizzards or was it lizards?
-It was lizards, right? -Yes, it was lizards.
It was lizards. He gets off on lizards,
and his wife wants to divorce him, clearly.
And Daria said something that I think applies here.
Tell them the thing about the change.
Oh.
Well, you know, uh, people's nerves about change,
they can be calmed by the familiar.
So, you take them to a comfortable environment,
and you break the news.
It's kind of like you take your kids to their favorite
ice cream shop and tell them you're getting a divorce.
I mean, I think that's something that you should
consider with Delaney.
I mean, she's about as mature as an eight-year-old, so...
I've seen her hork down a pint of Chubby Hubby
in one sitting, so we know she likes ice cream.
Yeah.
In our latest episode of...
That's not a real basketball.
Third from the left is cake.
You know, I decided I don't even want cake
at my birthday this year.
I actually think it's really weird to,
like, bring out food and then make people eat it.
-Did you find a bar yet? -Think I'm gonna do it here.
But I'm going for a very specific aesthetic,
so if you could not invite--
Ah, no!
Thought you'd be asleep.
Katie, I didn't know you still had a key.
Uh, Delaney said I could keep one for emergencies.
What's the emergency?
Um, well, this time it's not so much an emergency,
really, as it is, um, a surprise for my best friend.
Oh, man, I had-- I actually had this whole thing planned
and I was gonna sneak in and, like, put clues
around the apartment, but, okay, whatever.
Since you're awake, I'll just show you now.
Ah! Huh?
What the fuck is that?
I planned us a mini beach vacation.
-You don't seem excited. -What's there to be
excited about, Katie? It's the beach.
I'm excited. I-I really am.
Um, and that poster is-- that's your most thoughtful gift yet.
Do you see the umbrella?
I see the umbrella.
You know these trips can be kind of weird for me.
Is John at least bringing a friend?
No, no, John's not coming.
-Why? -Yeah, why?
No reason. I just thought it would be great for the two of us
to go on a trip, connect, have some quality time.
Like old times?
Yes, yes, just like old times.
Ew.
♪ Kiss me once, girl ♪
♪ Kiss me twice, girl ♪
♪ You're sugar and spice, girl ♪
♪ And everything nice, girl ♪
♪ Love me forever ♪
♪ And I'll be true to you, girl ♪
All right. There we go.
-Nice. -We're here.
What time is check-in at the Pelican Palace?
Surprise. We aren't staying at the Pelican Palace.
What?
Yeah, I got us a-- I got us a rental house,
actually, on Wonder Weekend.
Mm-hmm. Wonder Weekend rentals kind of creep me out.
I don't like the idea of using
other people's kitchen appliances.
But you're okay sleeping in a bed
where a bunch of high schoolers just rounded the bases?
But the Pelican Palace is where all the parties end up.
I know. Imagine that noise.
Wouldn't sleep a frickin' wink.
Is there a bar?
What, at the rental house?
Is it a shared space or private?
Private.
And there's a lock box,
so we don't even have to meet the guy.
You found it.
Huh. Oh.
Gosh, GPS can be a little wonky here,
so I'm so glad you guys figured it out.
How are we doing?
Are you, uh...
Are you, uh, Douglas?
Are you my fifth-grade teacher?
Just Dougie's fine, yeah.
I-- I just asked because the listing had said that
there was a lock box, so I didn't think we'd get to meet.
Here she is.
Yeah, I love to walk everyone through the space first,
only because it's a really important place to me.
-Oh. -It was my mom's.
She, uh-- she died here.
Oh, gosh, no. Not in the front yard.
-Oh! -She died inside.
Katie, right? So you must be Delaney.
-Mm-hmm. -Yeah.
Love that name. Family name?
-It was my grandfather's. -Oh, my gosh.
I was named after my mom's brother,
who we don't talk to anymore.
He's a-- he's a pedophile, so...
-Oh, I'm sorry. -Oh, no, no, no.
He was always cool with me, yeah.
But, uh, called a lot, you know, when he was doing time.
Yeah, I guess inmates are, like, really hard on child predators.
I didn't mind saying hi then, but once he got out
and started coming here unannounced...
Oh, my gosh. I keep talking and talking.
You guys probably just wanna see inside, right?
-Pretty cute, huh? -I love it.
Yeah, Mom left the place to me and my sister,
but Lauren has a family now,
so she let me keep it all to myself.
-Ah, score. -Yeah.
Oh, all the art on the wall is for sale.
Oh.
Oh...
What little munchkin did these?
I am an artist.
Yeah, well, technically my day job
is medical sales, but I've been working my tush off and--
Is there a Wi-Fi password?
Uh, yeah. It was in the welcome pamphlet that I sent over.
Because guests are really supposed to
read the pamphlet before they check in, so...
-Oh. -But it's okay.
I have a spare set of rules right here.
-Oh, perfect. -Here you go.
Oh, I also threw in my favorite local spots.
-You girls hot dog fans? -Dingo's Dogs.
-Yeah. -Yeah, um, we know it.
We used to come here when we were little.
Fun. Yeah.
-Sisters? -Best friends.
I love, uh, best friends.
Any big plans for best friends night?
Um, I think we'll probably...
hang here, make a cheese plate.
You get plenty of cheese at home.
Oh...
I thought we could go to a bar.
I mean, I brought a lot of orange wine
-for us to drink here. -Oh! That's a no.
What is?
Uh, no alcohol on the premises.
That's ridiculous.
Um, what she means is
we were really just gonna have a glass or two.
Yeah, no exception to the rules.
Was it just a quick skim of the welcome email?
Because no shoes is also a big one.
I can't sleep with the sound of stomping.
I thought this was a private space.
Yeah, the upstairs is your private domain.
I hang my hat in the subterranean domicile.
I live in the basement.
What are you doing?
Pedophile has this address.
Okay, well, it's a good thing we're adults.
I look young.
See what happens when you stray from places you know and love?
Your mom got staph at the Pelican Palace.
The Pelican Palace is fun.
They keep beers in the ice machine.
You prefer dirty ice?
Over a literal deathbed? Yeah.
Okay, I put a lot of effort into planning this trip,
and I would like if we could at least relax and try to connect,
enjoy ourselves, appreciate where we are.
-Ow! -Shh!
Cameras? What the hell?
What? Remember when I worked at Urban Outfitters?
All right, those cameras aren't even on.
People just see them and are less likely to steal.
Do you see any ironic coffee table books for sale here?
Because I don't.
Dougie isn't warding off shoplifters.
He's watching us to get his rocks off.
He is not camped out in front of the monitor
with his hands down his pants.
He's nice.
No. No. I'm not staying here all night
and being one of Dougie's cheese-eating cam girls, okay?
I'm going to a bar.
-All night at a bar? -Yeah.
Shh, shh.
Thing is, though, if it's loud, we won't really be able to talk.
We talk all day.
I know. That's a good point.
Yeah, let's go to a bar.
Man. This place has really changed.
It used to get packed.
I saw this pottery place in town,
and they have a morning class that teaches you
how to make little bowls for your keys.
I kind of was hoping we'd sleep in.
Yeah, it's not till 7:00.
Okay. Cheers to this weekend.
-Thank you for planning it. -Um...
as you know, we've had so many great memories here
as friends, and we've crossed so many milestones together.
And I thought it would be the perfect place
to come to cross one more.
And I think that it's the most important thing that we do
if we are able to flourish together, like two roses,
two best friends, I guess, roses, who, um...
-Uh, can I get a beer, please? -Yeah.
That guy? Real hot.
-Who? -The helmet guy.
Can I do double whiskey?
Uh, okay. That's not why we're here. Um, okay.
So I was saying, we have crossed
so many milestones together here as friends, and--
He looks like Dennis Fuller.
Oh, Dennis Fuller. Another loser.
Should we go talk to him?
I-- I'm in the middle of saying something, okay?
Um...
You gonna pick that up?
I'm gonna call him back.
Uh, I'm gonna be quick. Don't move.
Sorry, uh, had to get to a quiet place.
Delaney dragged me to a bar.
You out celebrating?
-Celebrating? -The proposal.
-Katie? -Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It cut out for a sec. Um, yeah-- yeah, not yet.
You said that you would tell her by tonight.
No, no, I know. I--
I was-- I was just about to when you called.
Well, Daria sent over some invitation samples,
and she said we should pick one by next week.
Okay, yeah, sounds good.
I'll send you some photos, and then you can decide,
or I can decide, you can send me photos right back.
- Uh, whichever. - Okay.
-I'll text you later. -I'll text you later.
-Love you. Bye. -Love you. Bye.
-Checking in? -Ugh, you gotta to check in.
I'm the social sheriff for Sigma Nu,
so I got to plan this bachelor party
for my almost bro-in-law, and I always go big.
Last month, we had a naughty nuns and a frisky friars party.
-Friars are like bald priests. -Tell me, what do you do?
Uh, finance.
-Okay, humble. -Do you follow crypto?
Because he-- he created Apex Coin.
Uh, GQ did vote on one of their up-and-coming coins
of the year this year, but it's not a big deal.
Oh, my God. Anybody could make this little itty-bitty coin.
Nobody's-- Oh, I'm so sorry.
-Sorry. Hey. -Hi. Um, I'm Katie.
Hey, Kaylee. Oh, my God.
You look exactly like my twins. Look at that.
Is Apex Coin funding any strippers this weekend?
I don't pay for intimate experiences.
I do. I wanted one real bad.
I found one online that's so mean to you.
-They, like-- -Sorry about him.
The legend himself. It's Charlie.
Delaney. Katie.
Nice to meet you, Katie. Again.
Do you think it was a bad idea to have
a college junior plan my bachelor party?
Uh, we're actually probably gonna head out.
Oh, would you actually mind opening these for us?
All good. I got it. Oh, no.
P-p-p-party flops! Ha. Yeah.
You didn't-- you didn't wanna use your party flop?
-You. -Thank you.
One beer and we go?
One beer and we go.
♪ I'd like to go where the pace of life's slow ♪
♪ Could you beam me somewhere, Mr. Scott? ♪
♪ Your face is all over this place ♪
♪ I bet you think this is your way out of this town ♪
-Let's go. -Yeah, let's fucking go!
I'm gonna fire up some tunes.
That smells fucking awful.
Oh, my God, that smells so bad.
Wait, I didn't smell anything.
I didn't-- What's it smell like?
Oh!
Yo.
Did anybody see a dog walk through here?
Bottle opener on the bottom of a shoe?
Stop smiling.
Stop.
And I don't know what kind of moron walks through dog shit
and has no idea.
He didn't even know how to get strippers for a bachelor party.
Well, not all guys like strippers.
-That one I get. -Yeah, totally.
-John really doesn't. -Okay.
John actually doesn't.
-Because he has a sister. -He does?
You've hung out with her like, three times.
Oh, right.
Will you open the door?
-You have the key. -You have the key.
-No. -I have the key?
-You wanted to carry it. -I have the key.
I don't have the key.
Where-- Where'd it go?
It might've fallen out of my pocket.
-Why can't you carry a purse? -I'm sorry.
I need to brush my teeth.
We can go back to the bar and look for them?
No.
You know what we have to do?
No.
Yeah.
-Sorry again, Dougie. -Oh, that's fine.
-I was only asleep for an hour. -Okay, good.
-Have you-- -Oh! Sorry.
Just pop those off for me.
-Oh. -Yeah.
-Sorry. -It's just the rules.
-Thank you. -I just forgot.
That's fine.
I love those flats.
Oh, sorry.
Before you go back down to the basement,
what's the deal with the cameras?
Oh, my gosh.
I had to up my security after a nightmare renter.
You ever heard of a home birth?
But the cameras don't actually record.
Oh, no. They're the real deal.
Yeah.
No audio, of course, 'cause you need a permit for that.
And no cameras in the bedrooms or bathrooms.
-This was all in the-- -Uh, in the welcome email.
-Yeah. -Was it just a quick skim?
'Cause we can pop a squat,
and look things over if you want.
-Oh. -No.
We should not pop any squats.
We'd like to go to bed, and we'd like to watch TV alone.
Do you guys know how to work the Roku?
Yes. Yes.
Uh, saw that in the binder.
She saw the-- ah, I crack myself up.
Hmm!
I don't have a Roku. It was a trick question.
You fell right into my trap.
I'm really gonna need you to do a refresher
on the rules after I leave.
Okay?
I'm gonna need a verbal "K" from both of you.
Okay.
Hmm?
Okay.
And while I'm at it, why don't I throw us all in a group text?
Just in case of emergencies.
Katie, I have your digits, but, um...
Delaney?
Mm.
What time is it?
It's early.
Um...
It's really early. Go back to bed.
I'm gonna, um...
I'm gonna go get us coffees.
It's a matter of privacy, I don't know.
And I think it's a little weird for your friend's wife
to post something before I, the bride,
have posted anything, you know? I mean...
But you told Delaney, right?
Yes. Yes, I...
I told her we were engaged. I--
Okay, I will ask them to take it down.
- Okay. - Yeah.
Yeah, I just don't want it up there. Okay.
I gotta go.
Yeah. All right, I love you. Bye.
Hey.
Hi.
I almost didn't recognize you without the dog shit
-on your cup. -Oh.
-That's funny. -Too soon?
I, um-- Sorry, I overheard you on the phone.
I didn't realize you were a bride.
Yeah. Yeah.
-Congratulations. -Thank you.
Thank you. It's, um... It's really recent.
Um, and, um...
I'm really, really excited.
I just need to figure out, um...
I haven't told, uh, my best friend yet.
Uh, Delaney, who you met last night.
So I just need to, you know, figure stuff out, so...
What, she doesn't like him?
Uh, you know, I mean, she's--
she's not the most emotive person, so it can be...
It can be-- It was hard to tell in the beginning,
but yeah, she likes him.
She does. Yeah, she does like him.
Yeah. Now say it one more time,
but I want you to really mean it.
She-- She does like him, so.
Look, a few of my friends weren't that happy for me
when I got engaged.
I think they're just freaked out that they think your fiancé's
gonna hijack your life,
and they're never gonna see you again.
I know, which is crazy. It's--
One of them just straight-up stopped inviting me places,
because he said I don't know how to hang anymore.
Not that that's gonna happen to you, I think--
No. No, I know.
Um...
-Yeah. -Okay. Good luck with...
you know.
-Enjoy your coffee. -Yeah.
-Bye. -Bye.
-You're up! -What time is it?
Time to get up. Cold brew?
There you go.
-It's beautiful out, by the way. -Where's my phone?
Our phones are tucked away safely in the kitchen drawer.
-Why? -Because,
today is about having fun without distractions.
We're gonna float around untethered to technology,
just like when we were little.
-What happened to pottery? -Oh, we're not going to pottery.
We're gonna be wild. Crazy. Spontaneous.
We are goin' off the grid.
All right? Get up, get up, get up, get up, get up!
I think it was a left back there?
I was following you.
-I'm following you. -Why?
-I'm left-brained. -No, I'm left-brained.
Which one's the one that's bad at math?
Because you're that one.
That's very rude.
You know what's rude is those are my sneakers,
and you're wearing them, and you didn't ask me.
- Katie? Oh! - Gwen!
Oh, my God. Hi.
- And Delaney. - Hey, Gwen.
Oh, my God. Wow.
You two, hanging out.
It's like stepping back into 2008 again.
I love it.
Mm!
-You have a baby. -Mm-hmm.
- Congratulations. - Hmm, yeah, Max.
But she's a girl.
Oh, she's amazing. She's such a great eater.
-She sleeps eight to eight. -Wow, that's awesome,
um, are you here for the weekend?
Oh, no. My partner and I, we live here full-time.
Yeah, we moved away from the city, which was super scary.
But, you know, I love it.
Wait, did I see that you got married?
Uh, no. No.
- That's right. No. - Oh, you know what?
I'm thinking about the other Katie in your grade.
Yeah, the other Katie, she had her wedding
featured on Nautical Nuptials.
Amazing.
Wow.
Well, what are you up to today?
Uh, we-- we're probably just gonna grab some food
at the deli, actually, in town.
Oh, my God.
Their lox is what got me through my second trimester.
Just the craziest cravings with this little one.
You know, pistachios, fish,
cottage cheese, butt stuff, whatever.
You name it, I had it.
Oh, crazy idea alert,
but we're actually having a BBQ at mine today.
You should come.
-Is it a party? -It's a BBQ.
Yeah. Come.
Mm!
Sorry, we just, we get a little crazy on the weekends.
Well, I mean, as, you know, crazy as we can
with a little one.
Oh! Yeah.
Um, so, what is it you do, Theo?
I'm a filmmaker.
Yeah, um, commercials.
Yeah, we-- he just got back from Tokyo.
Oh, wow.
You know, I-- I hear Japan's amazing.
What commercial were you shooting?
Um, it's nothing.
Sweetie, well, just tell-- tell them.
-No, just-- just a small thing. -Oh, he's being so modest.
He's being modest.
He was shooting a watch commercial
with Brad Pitt, and Natalie Portman.
- Oh, wow. - Gee.
Uh, that's-- that's so cool.
Did you get to meet them, the celebrities?
Yeah, that's not really why I do it, though.
- Hmm. - Hmm.
-No, of course not. -Yeah.
- Yeah. - Hmm.
Oh, hello.
-Oh. -Oh, hi.
Oh, oh no, careful. She-- she-- she can bite.
- Oh. - Oh, she does?
Uh, well, yeah, I guess she really likes you.
Um...
Actually, I've never seen her do that with anyone but me.
Hmm?
Myrtle, why don't you-- why don't you come here?
Come. Come to papa, hey?
Come on. Myrtle!
Hmm! Ah!
I think, um, yeah, I think it's your turn, Daddy.
You know, I'm pretty sure I read in the book
that it's better to let 'em cry it out, right?
No, that's for, um,
when we're putting her to sleep, babe.
-Yes, well, and nappies. -No, no, not just nappies.
Oh! There, she wants-- she wants to come.
Come on. Yeah, why don't you?
Ah! Yeah, okay.
Oh! There we go.
Oh! You know what, we're gonna...
look after the child as well.
Come on.
-Yeah. -Just excuse me, okay?
- No, that's okay. - Okay.
I'm very worried about the dog.
I'm sorry, okay?
I felt bad.
I saw them wandering the neighborhood,
looking longingly at all these families,
What was I supposed to do?
You know we don't invite strangers into this house.
First it was the kitten in the garage,
now it's these spinsters from your past.
Baby, we have a child.
We do? Wow!
I just forgot about the 46 hours of labor,
and my torn anus.
The chatty one is hiding something,
and I know that you don't care,
but the mute keeps on fiddling with Myrtle.
I want them gone.
I want my life back.
Ladies, I couldn't find any weed,
but, some ketamine!
Fuck.
Ow!
Oh, it hit my spine.
Ow!
Oh, my God.
Since when is petting a dog weird?
It's not like I was only petting tail.
I'm serious!
Okay, well, I'm not "hiding anything."
They're just frickin' nuts.
Whatever, that's the most excitement
-they've seen in months, so. -Yeah?
Her partner just shot a commercial with Brad Pitt,
but, I hear you.
Yeah, they clearly hate each other, though.
Hate each other. Maybe they're a little tired.
Just had a baby.
Or maybe they were in love and then they had the baby...
and now they hate each other.
- That's real nice. - I'm-- I'm sorry.
That's the reason I don't want kids.
All right, I know you want kids.
I-- I mean it. I don't want kids.
Okay, you don't mean that. Don't say that.
Um, I do mean it. I don't want kids.
Delaney, you don't mean that. Stop.
Can we not have this conversation?
Because that really put a damper on my entire day.
Yes, okay, sorry.
Um...
Okay, what do you want to do?
- Follow me. - Okay.
♪ Turn up the stereo ♪
♪ 'Til everything rattles ♪
-Yeah. -Ooh!
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ Life is a disco ♪
♪ A mambo ♪
I'm gonna get this with my name on it.
And then she's gonna get this with her name on it.
♪ Do si do ♪
What's the other 2%?
Um, paralegal?
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ Do si do ♪
♪ Open the window ♪
Okay!
♪ Get back in the saddle ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ This ain't no ghetto, Joe ♪
♪ Joe, Joe, Joe ♪
♪ You're on the payroll ♪
Hi.
♪ Do si do ♪
-Oh! -Ooh!
♪ Ooh ♪
Yeah! Woo!
Oh my God!
Oh, God. We've gotta get away.
Ohh!
Oh my God, they're very nimble.
♪ Let the grown man cry ♪
♪ Powerful minds ♪
♪ Oh, my ♪
- Really? - Yes,
he cuts his toenails in the car.
- That's a good thing. - No.
Shots! Keep it going, all-nighter.
Oh, hi Kyle.
You sure you're allowed back in here?
Dude, I'm so embarrassed.
How can we make this up to you?
Um, I guess one of you could eat some dog shit.
Shit, I'll do it.
No, I'll do it. I'll do it.
I am so sorry that we keep subjecting you to this.
Let's just do a round of Fireball shots for everyone.
You like Fireball?
I love Fireball.
Let's fucking go.
What is with Phil?
What's up Katie?
Oh my God, dude.
I gotta go to the bathroom.
Well, we've been having so much fun,
it's been hard to find the right time to tell her.
Right. But more importantly,
as soon as you tell her, it's going to be weird.
Uh, yeah, that too.
All right, then don't think about it and just have fun.
I can't not think about it.
-She is going to find out. -Mm-hmm.
-Oh my God, you're so stressed. -I know. I know.
I can feel your heart beating in your chest.
I know. I know.
Well, my fiancé wants to try for kids
-as soon as we get married. -Oh!
So this will be the last time I see my friends
for the next 18 years.
That's so sad.
-I know. -Don't say that.
I agree. The fact is that we're getting older
and we're not going to have a lot more weekends like this.
We're not 80 years old. This is not your last hurrah.
Do you know what a bachelor party is?
By definition, it is a last hurrah.
I think you're being dramatic.
I don't think so.
Maybe we get another drink?
-Yes. -Is that an awful idea?
-No, it's a good idea. -Okay, twist your arm?
Yeah, twist my arm.
I don't really do the whole American idealization
of excess supersize a thing.
Well, except when it comes to real estate
because tiny homes scare me.
Oh!
It's Jane. Hold those.
Thank you.
What's his deal?
Oh, he's a good dude.
And he's like low-key rich now, too.
But he only dates models. Sorry.
Hey, um, are you single?
Yeah, I'm single.
Same. I mean, me and my boys have like
a strict no dating policy for junior year.
I love that. I wish my friends got that.
Can you put in a good word with Tommy?
Like to date?
-No. -Oh, like to smash?
Yeah, like to smash.
Yeah, I'll ask him.
Less of an ask and more of a temperature check.
Just check it out for me.
It's my mission to get you kissing.
Phil, Tommy.
Family Fireball shots.
Oh, fuck.
Cheers.
♪ Down in the Caribbean sunshine ♪
♪ In my younger days, I was so bad ♪
♪ Laughin' about all the fun we had ♪
♪ I've seen enough to feel the world spin ♪
♪ Mixin' different oceans, meetin' cousins ♪
♪ Listen to the drummers and the night sounds ♪
♪ Listen to the singers make the world go-- ♪
Oh, fuck. I forgot to vote.
Guys, there's nothing open.
We really don't need to force the night.
No, no, no.
-We said all-nighter. -We did.
I feel like Tommy and Delaney still need to clap cheeks.
-What are you talking about? -Nothing.
He's drunk. Ignore him.
Well, we would invite you back to the Pelican Palace Bar.
But it is, I've been told,
an out-of-order vending machine in the parking lot.
-Mm. -So...
-That's correct. -They can't host.
You guys, should we just call it?
-Yes. -No, no.
Let's go to ours.
What about Dougie?
I don't know.
We'll be quiet.
Sorry.
This is the only room in the house without cameras.
-I have cash. -Yeah, I think, uh,
I think I should probably take Phil home.
No.
You should stay here.
Charlie and Katie, they'll be back any second.
Chill. I'm friends with Danny.
Or we could play a game.
You guys ever heard of Twister?
Oh, man.
The Beta Thighs brought it to, uh,
the hockey house last spring.
No, uh, seriously, I told Phil's wife I'd watch him.
I think it's time for us to go.
- Phil. - I'm good. Chill.
Come on. Go back to the hotel.
I think we should get Phil coffee.
-Phil, do you want a coffee? -Don't fucking touch me.
All right, yeah, let's get Phil coffee.
Is that okay?
Yeah, go get me fucking coffee and get out of here.
Great, let's get Phil coffee.
Bye.
This guy fucking thinks he knows what it's like
to fucking live in a house with three women.
No offense. You're awesome.
Ooh, a smooth banana IPA.
That could be your--
that could be your wedding drink.
Like your bride signature cocktail.
I'm not doing any of that stuff.
Right, because you're, like, cool bride.
Yes, yes, that's right.
What's your signature cocktail?
Well, I'm a cool groom, so I can't do that.
Oh. You might actually be too cool of a groom
if it takes you seven years to propose.
Look, love happens in its own time.
-Oh, right. -It's a--
I don't make the timetable.
-Love makes the timetable. -And that's what you told her?
-Yeah. -Yes, that's what I told her.
And how much time did that buy you?
Seven years.
Ah, ah, ah. I see.
What made you wait so long?
I just wasn't sure.
About your fiancé?
About any of it. I just...
I just didn't know if that's what I wanted.
You know, I just think it's this thing that
we all think we're supposed to do because everybody else
does it, but we never stop and ask ourselves
if it's what we actually want.
And then I realized that I did want it,
and I do want kids, and that eventually
I just had to get out of my own way and find somebody
that I liked and use good judgment and be smart
and just, you know, pick them and be happy.
So romantic.
I don't care if you don't think it's romantic.
It's honest, and honesty is what sustains a marriage.
It's not romance.
I mean, you actually don't think
that there's one person for everyone?
I'm sorry. You can't be serious.
- What? - One person for everyone?
No, of course not. I think there are millions
of people that we can connect with.
It's just a matter of when you meet them.
We're not marrying these people because of timing.
Don't say we're marrying them
because of soulmates cause I'll leave you here with those beers.
We are marrying them because we love them.
Yes.
I mean, right?
I said yes.
I-- You're not selling me.
-Do you know? -That's not my job.
Oh!
This coffee expired six years ago.
Coffee doesn't expire.
I got cash money, baby girl.
Remember that stuff from the 90s?
Don't worry about Phil. We'll get it from tap water, okay?
Or like Windex or something.
Would you like to share a glass of wine?
What?
Someone found a speaker.
-Connect. -No, I have to conserve
my battery for the Uber so we can leave.
You remember leaving?
You can use my phone for the music.
No offense, but you probably don't have my kind of music
on your phone, so...
What kind of music do you like?
House. But a very specific kind of house.
-I like specific house. -My God.
Just listen to your music, okay?
-Put it on your phone. -I'm fine.
Put it on your phone. I'm fine.
Oh, Tommy.
I'm coming, Tommy.
I'm gonna make two glasses of wine still
if anyone wants to stay and-- and drink it with me.
Delaney, can you fire up some pizzas, hon?
For the guys, at least.
I mean, I'm happy to host this.
Yeah, you don't seem anxious about it at all.
What! I'm a little worried.
If I get a bad review, that is on you.
What is with you in this review?
Are you in some sort of legal bind?
No. No, but...
I will write you a comment if they give you a shitty review.
Oh. Oh. Thank you.
You know, we can just go back to my hotel if you want.
I mean, just say the word.
Charlie, I can't.
I'm engaged.
You know, I...
Trust me.
I feel it, too, but there's not...
No-- I'm sorry. I meant, like...
I meant all of us would go back to my hotel.
Like, instead of you hosting here
just because you seemed anxious about it?
Yeah, no, I'm... I'm so sorry.
Just because we'd been flirting, so I thought that you were...
I wasn't suggesting that you and I would go back
alone to my hotel.
I hope I wasn't giving off that impression.
I mean, did you think the friendly banter meant
that I was going to, like, cheat on my fiancé?
No.
-I got it. -Okay.
That's a fatty, dude.
Delaney, what the fuck are you doing?
You said we'd stay in the bedroom!
- Delaney! - Phil, buddy,
-time to go. -Finally. Yeah, let's go.
No. Stay.
You can go to my room.
-I'll make it fun. -No.
-No thanks. -Is it because I'm not a model?
No, because I don't share a genuine connection with you,
and it feels weird to lead you on.
Oh, fuck you.
You know, I came here to celebrate an important time
in Charlie's life.
I tried to politely keep my distance so I could spend
time with my friends, who I never see,
but you inserted yourself into our plans and put us all
in a very weird situation so honestly, fuck you, Delaney.
No.
No. No, no, no.
Fuck you, Tommy.
Fuck you.
Because that, that's the dopest girl that I've ever met.
And you may not get her,
but I do.
I think I love you.
Wh-- What?
What are you talking about?
What? No, no, no, no, no. What is going on here?
Who are these people?
Mom's house?
Can you not? On the art?
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
They are about to leave.
Additional guests? Shoes inside?
Alcohol?
You agreed to the rules.
I know. I know. I'm sorry.
There were a lot of rules.
And honestly, no alcohol is crazy, so...
Yeah, because I don't want to relapse again.
I'm two years sober.
What is wrong with you people?
This is my house.
It kills me that I have to rent this out.
But with my mom's leftover medical bills,
I don't really have--
Really?
I'm not going to not do the coke.
Hi.
-Hi. -We're here for Big Dick Phil.
-What? -Oh my God. I'm him.
Phil, please tell me that you didn't hire...
- Delaney said I could. - I said he could.
Because guess what?
All guys like strippers, Katie.
Even your lover, Charlie.
Okay, well, he's not my lover.
I mean, you have been eye-fucking her all week, dude.
-See? -Whoa.
What about my sister?
It's not chill.
What are you talking about?
She's engaged.
You knew?
Charlie knew.
Hey, we're drunk, okay?
Let's not talk about this right now.
You don't want to talk about how you hid your engagement
from me for an entire weekend?
Can you stop?
How you put our phones in our kitchen drawer?
-Stop. -You're a psycho.
And you're a fucking bitch!
Okay, this is just sad.
-I can't dance here. -Same.
Friendship stuff is super triggering.
Yeah.
Okay. I got another girl,
but it'll take her 45 minutes to get here.
Get out!
You get out.
You're a pervert. You filmed us.
Pervert.
Pervert. Pervert.
Pervert! Pervert! Pervert!
You're creepy!
You don't treat guests this way!
-Everywhere is closed, Delaney. -I'm not talking to you.
-Okay, but nowhere's open. -You don't know everything.
Ugh.
If you'd like to make a call...
-Oh, hello. -...please hang up and
try again.
I'll have one pizza.
For one person.
I know.
She said it's going to be five minutes, so.
You didn't want to know what type of pizza?
I always get pepperoni and they always know, so.
Yeah, I didn't hear a credit card number.
-I'm paying cash or cheque. -Mhm.
Tommy took my charger into his room and...
I know, but...
All right, well, Kyle's also not exactly
the most reliable narrator.
I can't.
Look, I'm gonna be home in a few hours.
No, I'm here.
Yes-- No, my service is fine.
I'm gonna-- I'll be home in a few hours
and then we can talk, okay?
-Ready. -Great.
Four hours and 37 minutes to destination.
Can we please talk about last night?
About what?
Uh, all of it.
I mean...
do you remember any of it?
I-- I know you can block out big chunks when you drink like that.
I remember that you lied to me about getting engaged.
I remember that.
I tried to tell you.
That first night. I had this whole thing planned.
It's the-- the whole reason we did the trip.
You lied to me all weekend.
No, I-- I tried to tell you all weekend.
Another lie. That's great.
Why do you always lie?
Honestly, you lie to me all the time.
I'm not a liar. It's just really hard to be honest with you.
I mean, you hate everything.
You hate everyone.
-I don't hate everyone. -Admit you hate John.
Admit it. You've never liked him.
You roll your eyes when he talks.
You don't laugh at his jokes.
I don't know why, he's so sweet,
but you have always hated him.
-I hate how boring he makes you. -Boring?
Why? Because I don't want to babysit your fucking benders.
At least I'm not stuck in some sad routine.
I'm not sad, I'm happy.
You look happy.
Why don't you call it?
I'm serious, why don't you leave the city?
Go drown your personality in white wine with Gwen.
That sounds better than staying here
and wasting it with you one weekend at a time.
Why don't you try caring about something?
Why don't you try making a fucking effort?
Why don't you grow up?
-I am grown up. -You still do cocaine!
Doing cocaine is fun, Katie.
Okay, yeah, well, maybe we're too different now.
Yeah. Maybe we are.
]
Get out.
Hey, there she is.
How you doing? You feeling okay?
-Yeah, just going to shower. -Okay.
♪ Day you ride away from me ♪
♪ Taking light and leaving grief ♪
♪ I keep the hurt I'd rather feel ♪
♪ And watch the shadow from my knees ♪
There are two pigs, okay,
and they're in the same.
The wife pig turns over to the husband pig and she says,
"Have you seen Farmer Joe's pants lately?"
Why would you cancel?
The husband goes, "Oh, that's so funny,
I thought he said pork chop."
♪ Remind me of that place we know ♪
Thank you so much, I really enjoyed this time...
Oops, did a thing.
Officially secured SeriesBeeFundee for my startup.
Who do you think posted that?
Wh-- Uh, oh. Oh.
Oh, um...
Elon Musk.
Uh, no, no, it's someone we know.
Oh, oh, uh, um...
I give up.
Okay, um, no, it was Diane's date from New Year's.
No, I don't-- I don't, I don't even think I met her.
Oh, is she friends with Delaney?
Speaking of which, is Delaney coming to dinner this weekend?
I don't think so.
Why?
Well, we're gonna fight.
-The two of you are fighting? -Yeah.
That's maybe never happened
-in the history of the world. -Yeah.
-What happened? -Um, it's very dumb.
-It was about the engagement. -Oh.
I... so I-- I never actually told her.
She found out on my phone and went ballistic and...
Wait, wait, wait, what do you mean you didn't--
-you didn't tell her that-- -I mean, remember I tried and
you called, so I couldn't really.
And then I tried later that night and it got
-extremely weird and then-- -No. No, no, no. Don't--
Don't do that.
I let you wait until the perfect moment
to tell her how you wanted to tell her.
And you said you would do that on the trip.
You told me you would handle that on the trip
so we could start planning our wedding.
I mean, you're a little obsessed with planning the wedding.
Well, yeah, I want to celebrate our marriage
with our family and our friends.
No offense, I-- I don't think you really get it.
You know, I don't think you get me and Delaney exactly.
-I don't think you could. -See, how do you--
how do you say that?
I've been nothing but accommodating
to you and your friend.
She has a drawer in our dresser.
-You said that was fun. -It-- It was!
It is.
But I just want to know when you're going to choose us.
Right? When you will stop bending our lives together
-for Delaney. -It's not just Delaney.
-Hold on. No, what do you-- -No, no, no, no, no.
What do you mean?
You know, marriage can really change your life.
And a lot of times for the better,
which I think will be, you know, our case.
And I'm very excited, of course, but...
there's just a lot of changes.
Like for example, you know, eventually we will
probably want to move out of the city and that's fine.
And I'm-- you know, we'll do that for you.
You go out there and then all of a sudden all your friends
are married couples that moved out there too.
And nobody knew you before you were a married couple.
So it's actually a bit like you didn't
exist before you were part of a married couple.
-So that's the new you. -I'm just gonna-- just gonna--
I'm just gonna stop you.
I don't even know what to believe anymore.
John!
So anyways, popcorn to Delaney.
I didn't have any peaks this week.
Well, a week of valleys finds time in our cow eventually.
Everything okay?
Yeah, it's... everything's okay.
Delaney, we're here if you ever want to share, obviously.
But you seem to hate peaks and valleys, so.
I don't hate peaks and valleys.
Really?
Once you thought you were muted and
you screamed "fuck" when we started playing the game.
Okay, fine. Um...
My valley was...
my best friend lied to me about getting engaged.
-What? -Wow.
Wow, that is a deep valley.
Very deep.
Okay, let's dive into this.
Let's dive into this.
Come on, we're here for you.
Wow, your hair-- I always pictured--
pictured you as a blonde.
Look at you! Okay, so wait,
tell me everything. Who is this fiancé?
-What's his name? -Yeah?
- John. - Where's John from?
- Yeah, John. - The Midwest.
What state?
Minneapolis...
Michigan or Minnesota.
It's an M, I just...
I can't remember right now.
You seem like you must hate him.
I don't hate him.
-I don't hate John. -That's very nice.
It's your best friend. So you're trying to be nice.
But like, what did he do? He obviously cheated.
-He obviously... -Oh, he cheated. He did cheat.
-Alex, he cheated, obvi-- -John did not cheat.
John's not a cheater.
He's totally obsessed with her.
But too obsessed, probably.
-No. No. -Okay. Okay.
No, to where it's like...
True crime.
No. He treats her really well.
He's a very good guy.
So he treats her well?
Yeah, he treats her well.
Wait, is-- is she like happy with him?
Yeah.
Okay, wait, sorry for the disconnect here.
But what's the problem?
And the toy guy said that that's the most popular thing he sells.
Yeah, no, the kids wanted one of these.
I just got them a new globe, but never enough.
Where's John?
Uh, he has a... work thing.
Oh, did he decide if he wanted the chicken or
lamb skewers for the cocktail hour?
Shoot, I-I'll ask him. I'm not sure.
If you get that thing wet, it turns blue.
So he's rehabbing brittle hips after sundown?
He's really burning the midnight oil.
And, um... if you want it to go back to red,
yeah, you just put it in the sun.
Is there trouble in paradise?
You can't hide from an empath, little sister.
Um, Delaney and I got into a fight.
And now John and I are in a bit of a fight about that fight.
Of course. No, no, no. We all saw this coming.
You know, you guys are emotionally stunted.
Daria says you both have arrested development.
I never said that.
-Thank you very much. -Oh, so you just happened
to leave your notebook open to a page that said
"Never individuated into adulthood?"
Did you find the key to my office again?
It doesn't matter.
Look, the medical fact is you guys are basically still
kids who are clinging on to each other in the cafeteria of life.
You're emotionally stunted.
Oh, that's a very mature response, Katie.
Do you see what I'm saying?
You're stunted.
That's so rich coming from you.
Look, I'm sorry.
I really hate to be the one to have to tell you this,
but it might actually be time for you to grow up.
We have all had to.
Did we? I mean, did we all have to?
You're like 40 years old and you still blame
everything on our parents.
You're emotionally stunted, not me.
-Tell him, Daria. -No, no, no, Daria.
Tell her that she's narcissistic like Dad.
Do you know that the DSM-5 defines narcissism as
a personality disorder, right, Daria?
A cluster B personality disorder,
which I think we can both agree you have.
- I have a personality disorder? - Yeah. Obviously.
Oh my God, you're delusional.
You're literally medically delusional.
You're certifiable! Daria, tell him.
You have every symptom. Tell him, tell him--
Shut up!
Just shut the fuck up!
Today I listened to a man detail
an intense reptilian fetish that's ruining his marriage.
And I had to tell him, no, that's not weird
that you want an iguana to act as a third.
A girl ate rocks in front of me.
And I had to tell a mother
who told me that she lost her pregnancy...
I had to promise her that she would get over it one day.
Do you guys want a medical diagnosis?
You are both ungrateful shits!
I can't believe she said all that stuff about her patients.
I mean, isn't that supposed to be, like, really private?
Okay.
I know we didn't have the ideal childhood...
but you cannot keep using it as an excuse.
I mean, come on...
can you be the adult for once?
Can you help me for once?
Things are going to be okay with John.
I don't know, actually.
Yeah, he's... he's really mad.
People get mad, Katie.
It's part of life, and it's going to be a long road
if you walk around trying to make everything nice
for everybody all the time.
You've got to be honest.
I know what Delaney means to you.
And I know how much
she was there for you when you were kids.
And yes, I maybe thought that you were freaks.
But what you had was special.
You guys had a great run.
So maybe it's okay that it's over.
Sometimes the past can't last.
Pass me my poem journal.
Hurry up.
Okay, quick, quick, quick.
Okay, I made a guest list.
Pretty much everyone who's coming is cool,
except for, like, one other assistant from my office.
Have I shown you her grid before?
She posts so much emo shit.
It's like, we get that you have cancer.
Maybe she wants support.
What?
Or seeing it helps other people.
Well, it doesn't help me.
-I meant other sick people. -Right.
Wait, how much do we hate Katie?
Like, we haven't talked about this at all.
Yeah, what she did wasn't great.
You know what I always say, hate motivates.
Liking stuff, that can motivate, too.
No, liking stuff is for sheep.
Plus, hating stuff is, like, our thing.
We both know the whole world sucks.
The whole world sucks?
Yeah.
I think I need to leave.
I mean, same, this place is a shithole.
Like, it's obviously a temporary situation.
No.
I just don't want to be around you anymore.
I hate that we love to hate people.
It makes me feel sick.
And I want to feel good.
I want to be happy.
I want to be happy for other people.
I want to be happy for my family.
I want to be happy for my friends.
But I don't know how to do that.
I don't know how to be happy... for people.
Did you, like, write that in your Notes app to say to me?
That's so fucking lame, Delaney.
Okay, bye.
No, just keep breathing.
Oh, okay.
Other side.
One second, sorry.
Delaney.
- Hi. - What happened?
Is everyone okay?
What? Yeah.
Um...
Then, um, why are you here?
Where are you from?
Uh...
Illinois.
I knew that.
Did you like it there in Illinois?
Do you mind?
Sure.
Who is it?
Who's this?
Yeah.
Um...
Yeah, I lived in Illinois pretty much my whole life.
High school, college.
Go Phoenixes.
It was our college mascot.
Yeah, my whole family went there.
And I am so sorry that I didn't tell you
that I was going to propose to Katie.
It's okay.
Probably made you hate me even more.
I never hated you.
I hated you existed.
That was-- I...
Right.
You never did anything wrong.
I did everything to make it incredibly weird for you.
And I'm-- I'm really sorry.
I'm really happy, too.
I will, uh, let you get back to work.
Yeah, yeah.
We're-- We're actually in a fight.
Um, she lied to me about telling you.
And I just don't understand why she can't be honest with me.
I don't know.
Maybe she's afraid of losing us.
Or maybe it's...
trying to protect us.
I really don't know.
I do know that...
getting older is...
really scary.
I'm not paying for this.
I got his card on file.
Well, can we talk?
I mean, what-- what are we doing?
I-- I-- I can't take more silent treatment.
That's my client, Jerry.
Uh, yeah, I know Jerry.
Do you know his wife, Marlene?
You know, they've been married for years.
Lived in four states, three countries.
They got divorced, got back together.
Lived in next-door houses, just for their own space.
Until they built this place.
Together.
I don't know what the rest of our lives will look like.
But it can be whatever we want it to be.
I love you. I love you.
I love you, too.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I lied.
And I'm gonna do better.
I know, I know. She told me.
Who?
Delaney.
Um, when-- when did you see Delaney?
Today. She came by the office.
Why? She's like,
what, like, returning the stuff I had in her apartment, or...
She... wanted to know where I was from.
Yeah?
Actually?
Go get your girl.
-Go on. -Yeah.
Yeah.
Open up your gait.
There you go.
Katie, no.
There's a list, and you're not the aesthetic.
And honestly, even if you were, there's already a Jennifer here,
and you can't, like, have a Jennifer
-and a Katie, you know? -Yeah, okay.
Um, Roxy, I know you think I'm lame.
But I know that you're miserable,
and that's why you're so mean.
I feel bad for you.
Okay?
Yeah.
-Same. -Yeah.
Uh, where's Delaney?
Where do you think?
Fuck.
Occupied.
-Occupied. -Delaney, drop the drugs.
I said, occupied.
-I was gonna-- -Sorry, can I go first?
Because...
I'm feeling brave, and that might go away.
Go ahead.
I look at you, and I feel like we are still 12 years old.
And I really love that.
But we're not 12 years old anymore.
And we can't spend every second together anymore.
And we don't like all the same things anymore,
as much as I try to fight that.
And I want to get married.
And I want to have kids.
And I want to save pictures of bathroom renovations I like.
And I want to make little dishes for my keys.
And I want to move out of the city.
And I know you don't want that stuff.
You don't even like that stuff, actually.
And you don't even really like people who do.
Which is scary.
And I didn't tell you about the engagement
because I was afraid you wouldn't be happy for me.
And that would just break my heart beyond repair.
And I'm so happy about this next chapter of my life,
but I'm terrified that you don't want to be a part of it.
And I know I really messed up by lying.
And I'm really, really sorry.
And if things are different now, I understand.
And if we end up parting ways...
I just wanted to say thank you.
Being your best friend has just been the highlight of my life.
And I think we're really lucky to...
to have lasted as long as we did.
Well, it's not every day your kid sister gets married.
Um, I'm incredibly honored to be here.
And I was asked to put a couple words together
and to try to capture the spirit of marriage.
And what it means to our civilization.
And particularly what it means
to these two very special people.
So, I've done my best.
And I think you'll agree.
Love's passion.
Always in fashion.
French kissing.
Sad to be missing.
Willows swaying.
Children playing.
Love will find a way.
Today.
Forevermore.
Into dawn, Katie and John.
You have truly won...
the game.
Thank you for that beautiful poem, Henry.
Okay, let's do this.
Dearly beloved...
["Just Say A Four Letter Word"
by the California Playboys]
♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪
♪ Love ♪
You're so crazy you spend more time with, like, a hairdresser
than you do with, like, your best friends.
100 percent.
My eyebrow woman is-- is closer to me.
I text her.
-We're on texting basis. -Yeah.
♪ Girl, I got ♪
♪ What you desire ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ I got a love here ♪
♪ To light your fire ♪
♪ Oh, girl, yeah ♪
♪ And give ♪
♪ Give that something... ♪
It's, like, really fun just to, like, sleep, right?
To be in bed for a full 24 hours.
-People say that's depression. -That's a luxury.
I say that's a luxury.
-Exactly, yeah. -100 percent. 100 percent.
♪ Love, love, love, love ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ I'm in love ♪
♪ Oh, my darlin' ♪
♪ Just use me for something ♪
♪ Oh, baby ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
-♪ 'Cause I'm feeling you ♪ -♪ As I'm sitting here ♪
-♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ -♪ But I want a lover, lover ♪
-It's kind of depressing. -It is.
Well, that's-- that's-- that's what
they tell you in school, and you never listen.
-You know? That, like-- -You're like, that won't be me.
♪ Do me no good,
♪ The energy on you, baby, no, no, no ♪
♪ Just say a four letter... ♪
I'm fostering a basset hound this week.
Puppy dog!
I know, so running around,
I need it.
I-- honestly, I cannot even stand it.
I need it here.
♪ Just say a four letter word ♪
♪ Love ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm feelin' you ♪
♪ As I'm sittin' here ♪
-♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa ♪ -♪ Oh, love, love, love ♪
♪ Yeah ♪