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YTS.MX
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♪ I was an up-and-comer
On a summer night ♪
4
00:00:48,483 --> 00:00:50,006
♪ And in the midst
Of the crowd ♪
5
00:00:50,006 --> 00:00:51,921
♪ I thought she looked right ♪
6
00:00:51,921 --> 00:00:54,663
♪ I had a moment'’s reflection
That I tried to hide ♪
7
00:00:54,663 --> 00:00:57,927
♪ But I was bitten by the bug
And I wasn'’t shy ♪
8
00:00:57,927 --> 00:01:01,017
♪ So, I slid up between her
And I saw her face ♪
9
00:01:01,017 --> 00:01:04,107
♪ And I was so close
That I was blown away ♪
10
00:01:04,107 --> 00:01:07,154
♪ She had a dangerous side
That I was trying to fade ♪
11
00:01:07,154 --> 00:01:10,287
♪ As I was locked in
The crystal shine
Of her gaze ♪
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00:01:10,287 --> 00:01:13,464
♪ I let the night take off
Where it had to go ♪
13
00:01:13,464 --> 00:01:16,424
♪ I wanted one thing now
And I know it showed ♪
14
00:01:16,424 --> 00:01:17,555
♪ She had a big look down ♪
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00:01:17,555 --> 00:01:18,991
[phone chiming]
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00:01:18,991 --> 00:01:20,645
♪ Before she said "Let'’s go" ♪
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00:01:20,645 --> 00:01:23,039
♪ I heard a voice
It was soft and low ♪
18
00:01:23,039 --> 00:01:26,434
♪ I want you
In my velvet dream ♪
19
00:01:26,434 --> 00:01:29,350
♪ I wanna feel you kissing me ♪
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00:01:29,350 --> 00:01:32,614
♪ I want the depth
Of your desire ♪
21
00:01:32,614 --> 00:01:35,660
♪ I want that high
That takes you higher ♪
22
00:01:35,660 --> 00:01:38,837
♪ I want the place
You never knew ♪
23
00:01:38,837 --> 00:01:41,623
♪ That'’s buried
Deep inside of you ♪
24
00:01:41,623 --> 00:01:43,146
[phone chiming]
25
00:01:43,146 --> 00:01:45,322
♪ I want you
In my velvet dream ♪
26
00:01:45,322 --> 00:01:48,282
♪ I wanna feel you kissing me ♪
27
00:01:48,282 --> 00:01:51,589
♪ I want the depth
Of your desire ♪
28
00:01:51,589 --> 00:01:54,592
♪ I want that high
That takes you higher ♪
29
00:01:54,592 --> 00:01:58,335
♪ When you let go
Of all that'’s true ♪
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00:01:58,335 --> 00:02:00,642
♪ Then I'’m gonna break you ♪
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00:02:08,128 --> 00:02:11,827
♪ The twisted turning
Of a really hungry mind ♪
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00:02:11,827 --> 00:02:14,960
♪ Makes this kind of hurting
Seem almost divine ♪
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00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:18,138
♪ Anything worth anything
Has a price ♪
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00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:19,878
♪ And she'’s all too willing ♪
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00:02:19,878 --> 00:02:21,576
♪ It'’s in her eyes ♪
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♪ So, I lift her up
Into a new sky ♪
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00:02:24,056 --> 00:02:25,667
♪ And she tells me ♪
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00:02:25,667 --> 00:02:27,625
♪ She feels like
She'’s gonna die ♪
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00:02:27,625 --> 00:02:30,846
♪ "It'’s okay," I say
"You'’re gonna leave behind"♪
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00:02:30,846 --> 00:02:33,979
♪ "Everything before
Is your former life"♪
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00:02:33,979 --> 00:02:37,418
♪ When you let go
Of all that'’s true ♪
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00:02:37,418 --> 00:02:40,638
♪ Then I'’m gonna break you ♪
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♪ Break you, gonna break you ♪
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♪ Then I'’m gonna break you ♪
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[reporters
overlapping chattering]
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00:02:50,344 --> 00:02:53,085
[reporter] ...stay at home.
It'’s dangerous out here.
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This should serve
as a cautionary tale
to everyone in the area.
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00:02:56,263 --> 00:02:59,004
[reporters
overlapping chattering]
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00:02:59,004 --> 00:03:02,225
[reporter 2] On Tuesday
morning, a sixth woman was
found dead in her apartment.
50
00:03:02,225 --> 00:03:05,054
[man] We need to find this guy
and we aren'’t leaving
this neighborhood until we do.
51
00:03:05,054 --> 00:03:07,012
[reporter] All the cases
do seem to be linked.
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00:03:07,012 --> 00:03:08,927
[reporter 2] The victim,
a 24-year-old graduate student
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00:03:08,927 --> 00:03:10,538
at the University of Boulder.
54
00:03:10,538 --> 00:03:13,062
[reporter 3] The killer
struck again last night.
55
00:03:13,062 --> 00:03:15,891
[person] Please,
just murder me now.
56
00:03:15,891 --> 00:03:17,284
[laughing]
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00:03:17,284 --> 00:03:20,374
No, seriously,
put me out of my misery. Ugh.
58
00:03:23,594 --> 00:03:26,510
[all] Blow it out! Blow it out!
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00:03:26,510 --> 00:03:27,859
Okay, okay, okay, here we go.
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00:03:27,859 --> 00:03:29,948
[friends cheering]
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00:03:29,948 --> 00:03:31,950
- [woman] Come on!
- Whoo!
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00:03:31,950 --> 00:03:34,910
I love you guys.
You had way better 30ths.
63
00:03:34,910 --> 00:03:37,217
Oh, what could be better
than this?
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00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:43,005
Yeah, we are here
to celebrate you
the way you deserve.
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There'’s literally
nowhere else I'’d rather be.
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- [Anthony] Come on, speech!
- [all] Speech! Speech!
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00:03:53,972 --> 00:03:56,453
All right, all right,
if you'’ll stop chanting, please.
68
00:03:56,453 --> 00:04:00,414
Well, I thought that turning
30 this year, of all years,
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00:04:00,414 --> 00:04:01,763
was, um...
70
00:04:01,763 --> 00:04:03,373
was gonna feel pretty shitty.
71
00:04:03,373 --> 00:04:06,028
It'’s the year that Jake
unceremoniously dumped me
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00:04:06,028 --> 00:04:08,683
after eight
very mediocre years together.
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00:04:08,683 --> 00:04:11,251
The year I made
absolutely no progress
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00:04:11,251 --> 00:04:12,600
toward an actual career...
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00:04:12,600 --> 00:04:15,342
Mmm! Working for me is a career.
76
00:04:15,342 --> 00:04:16,995
...or in my personal life.
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But... now, here I am,
surrounded by all of you,
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my best friends
in the entire world,
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00:04:23,872 --> 00:04:27,963
and I can see that...
[sighing]
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00:04:27,963 --> 00:04:31,096
...I was absolutely right.
This completely fucking sucks.
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00:04:31,096 --> 00:04:33,577
[cheering]
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00:04:33,577 --> 00:04:37,407
- [Anthony] Let'’s get drunk!
- [Kelly] Whoo!
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00:04:37,407 --> 00:04:39,757
[slurred] I don'’t know
if I'’ve told you lately,
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but I love you so much.
85
00:04:41,019 --> 00:04:43,283
- I love you.
- I just really love you.
86
00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:44,980
And you know what?
I have a feeling
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that you'’re gonna meet
your husband this year.
88
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I just know that you are.
I know it!
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00:04:50,072 --> 00:04:52,857
And then, we'’re gonna
have babies at the same time.
90
00:04:52,857 --> 00:04:54,337
And we'’re gonna-- Look at me.
91
00:04:54,337 --> 00:04:55,991
And we'’re gonna name them
after each other,
92
00:04:55,991 --> 00:04:57,906
and we'’re gonna
breastfeed together,
93
00:04:57,906 --> 00:04:59,516
and our nipples are gonna
get chafed together.
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00:04:59,516 --> 00:05:01,388
- Whoa!
- [Kelly] What?
95
00:05:01,388 --> 00:05:03,868
- They'’re gonna get chafe-y.
- Okay, wow.
96
00:05:03,868 --> 00:05:05,392
I can'’t believe
I'’m about to say this,
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00:05:05,392 --> 00:05:08,090
but I think Bride of Jaägerbombs
has a point.
98
00:05:08,090 --> 00:05:10,614
Wait a second.
You are the most
anti-marriage person I know.
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00:05:10,614 --> 00:05:12,921
But you know, maybe it'’s time
that you get back out there.
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00:05:12,921 --> 00:05:15,750
- Like, how long has it been?
Eight months?
- Mmm, I don'’t know.
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Yeah, like, in three days.[Robin] Yeah. Right.
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Get on the apps,
get Jake out of your head,
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and get on
some new dick, baby.[Anthony] No! No, no!
104
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I would not be going anywhere
near any apps right now.
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Not with all this
serial killer shit happening.
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Oh, my God, have you been
listening to Mark My Murder?
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00:05:29,416 --> 00:05:31,722
- Oh, my God, yes.
It is so good.
- Yeah, I know.
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I cannot wait
for the next episode.
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That probably means
somebody dies.
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- Is that too dark?
- Yeah.
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- Completely,
but I'’m right there with you.
- No, but seriously, Robin,
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00:05:39,730 --> 00:05:42,646
all the victims so far
have been single women
that lived alone,
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00:05:42,646 --> 00:05:44,779
and all went on dates
from apps, so...
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I'’m not going to sit at home
for the rest of my life
on the off chance
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00:05:47,782 --> 00:05:49,740
that some dude
from the Internet
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00:05:49,740 --> 00:05:51,263
- is going to murder me.
- Okay.
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[Eva] You know what?
I'’m just not ready yet.
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And it'’s not because
I'’m afraid of a serial killer.
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It'’s more because I'm afraid
of having my heart stomped on
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00:05:57,748 --> 00:06:00,708
by an insecure narcissist
with a mustache.
121
00:06:04,233 --> 00:06:06,235
- Again.
- [retching]
122
00:06:06,235 --> 00:06:07,584
- Oh! Uh-oh.
- Not on me.
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00:06:07,584 --> 00:06:09,194
- [Eva] Swallow it. Swallow.
- [whimpering]
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00:06:09,194 --> 00:06:10,587
- Turn away!
- Someone take me potty!
125
00:06:10,587 --> 00:06:11,545
Go, go!
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Okay.
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00:06:13,721 --> 00:06:16,245
[retching][Eva] Oh, yeah.
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00:06:16,245 --> 00:06:18,552
- Attagirl.
- Oh, God.
129
00:06:18,552 --> 00:06:19,988
- [Eva] Kel.
- Yeah?
130
00:06:19,988 --> 00:06:21,468
Are you okay?
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00:06:21,468 --> 00:06:23,905
I mean, this is really
out of character for you.
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It'’s fine.
133
00:06:25,297 --> 00:06:26,777
- I'’m going to be fine.
- Okay.
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00:06:26,777 --> 00:06:29,650
[retching] Oh!
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00:06:29,650 --> 00:06:31,086
All right.[groaning]
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00:06:31,086 --> 00:06:33,523
I really liked these shoes.
137
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All right, come on.
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[female podcaster]
Hey, Mark My Murder listeners.
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We started this podcast
two months ago, when this
whole murder spree started,
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00:06:40,312 --> 00:06:43,272
and there'’s still one thing
all the crime scenes
have in common:
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no sign of forced entry.
He didn'’t break in.
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00:06:46,144 --> 00:06:47,929
[male podcaster]
They let him in.
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00:06:47,929 --> 00:06:49,539
[female podcaster] I mean,
clearly, as we'’ve said,
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it'’s the date that's doing it.
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00:06:50,888 --> 00:06:52,237
[male podcaster]
It'’s gotta be.
146
00:06:52,237 --> 00:06:54,283
Ladies,
keep your friends close
147
00:06:54,283 --> 00:06:56,328
and your Tinder dates
in public
where there are witnesses.
148
00:06:56,328 --> 00:06:58,722
[female podcaster]
So, every good serial killer
needs a name.
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00:06:58,722 --> 00:07:01,333
- [male podcaster] Oh, yeah.
- [female podcaster] We did
a bunch of brainstorming,
150
00:07:01,333 --> 00:07:03,901
and we'’ve landed on a name.[male podcaster] And I must
say, it'’s a pretty good name.
151
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[female podcaster] Drumroll.
152
00:07:05,294 --> 00:07:07,296
The Swipe Right Killer.
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00:07:07,296 --> 00:07:09,472
- [male podcaster] It'’s dark--
- [phone beeps, podcast stops]
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00:07:13,041 --> 00:07:14,303
[exhaling sharply]
155
00:07:14,303 --> 00:07:16,131
Stupid mustache.
156
00:07:18,002 --> 00:07:20,352
[barking in distance]
157
00:07:23,225 --> 00:07:24,531
[thudding on door,
doorknob jiggling]
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00:07:26,881 --> 00:07:28,839
[door rattling]
159
00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:37,718
[squeaking]
160
00:07:41,548 --> 00:07:43,550
[squeaking]
161
00:07:43,550 --> 00:07:46,030
[breathing heavily]
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00:07:47,771 --> 00:07:50,165
[lock clicking]
163
00:07:50,948 --> 00:07:53,342
[squeaking]
164
00:07:54,169 --> 00:07:55,649
[door creaking]
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00:08:06,747 --> 00:08:09,837
[straining]
166
00:08:13,405 --> 00:08:14,450
Valerie?
167
00:08:18,280 --> 00:08:19,455
[Valerie] Surprise!
168
00:08:19,455 --> 00:08:20,630
Happy birthday!
169
00:08:20,630 --> 00:08:23,198
What are you doing?
170
00:08:23,198 --> 00:08:25,026
I could have killed you!
171
00:08:26,331 --> 00:08:27,942
How did you know it was me?
172
00:08:27,942 --> 00:08:31,380
You are the only person I know
who smells like baby vomit
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00:08:31,380 --> 00:08:33,121
and essential oils.
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00:08:33,121 --> 00:08:34,992
It is intoxicating,
isn'’t it?
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00:08:36,211 --> 00:08:38,126
Well, I came
to give you your card,
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00:08:38,126 --> 00:08:40,520
but then I saw an opportunity
to teach you a lesson.
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00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:41,521
Of course.
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00:08:42,870 --> 00:08:45,568
A hide-a-key rock?
Jesus, Eva!
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00:08:45,568 --> 00:08:47,962
What? I lose my keys a lot.
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00:08:47,962 --> 00:08:49,616
Do you always carry
a full face mask with you
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00:08:49,616 --> 00:08:51,531
or just when you'’re coming
to break into my house?
182
00:08:51,531 --> 00:08:53,837
Well, no. I wear it
on the bus to deter muggers.
183
00:08:53,837 --> 00:08:55,665
- Weird.
- Effective.
184
00:08:55,665 --> 00:08:58,320
Speaking
of crime deterrence...
185
00:08:58,320 --> 00:08:59,408
[unzipping]
186
00:09:04,805 --> 00:09:06,110
[scoffing]
187
00:09:06,110 --> 00:09:09,331
"I hope your birthday
is Tricera-Tops."
188
00:09:09,331 --> 00:09:12,247
It was the only one
I had lying around.
Just look inside.
189
00:09:12,247 --> 00:09:15,293
[sighing]
190
00:09:15,293 --> 00:09:20,516
An appointment confirmation
for an "Armored Guardian
Security" system?
191
00:09:20,516 --> 00:09:24,302
Oh, absolute top-of-the-line.
You are welcome.
192
00:09:24,302 --> 00:09:29,003
No. I do not need
a security system.
That is ridiculous.
193
00:09:29,003 --> 00:09:30,874
Look, it was different when
you were living with Jake,
194
00:09:30,874 --> 00:09:32,484
but with this whole
Swipe Right Killer thing?
195
00:09:32,484 --> 00:09:34,443
Wait, you listen to
Mark my Murder?
196
00:09:34,443 --> 00:09:36,401
Yeah, of course I do.
197
00:09:36,401 --> 00:09:38,795
I was basically a profiler
before I had kids.
198
00:09:38,795 --> 00:09:41,668
Background screening analysis
for an insurance company
199
00:09:41,668 --> 00:09:44,105
isn'’t exactly the same
as criminal profiling.
200
00:09:44,105 --> 00:09:46,324
- But whatever.
- Or is it?
201
00:09:47,804 --> 00:09:50,415
Look, I am not judging you
for living alone.
202
00:09:50,415 --> 00:09:53,462
You have to be realistic
about the risks out there
right now, Eva.
203
00:09:53,462 --> 00:09:55,333
I mean, the world... Can--
204
00:09:55,333 --> 00:09:56,639
...is dangerous.
205
00:09:56,639 --> 00:09:58,249
Okay, can you--
Stop, stop, stop.
206
00:09:58,249 --> 00:10:00,425
Please stop cleaning up,
all right?
207
00:10:01,426 --> 00:10:03,341
All of this is temporary, okay?
208
00:10:03,341 --> 00:10:06,867
I just truly think that Jake
needs to go and pretend
he likes yoga,
209
00:10:06,867 --> 00:10:08,477
go down on a few baristas,
210
00:10:08,477 --> 00:10:10,522
and then he is going to
realize what he threw away.
211
00:10:10,522 --> 00:10:11,654
Oh, no. Okay.
212
00:10:11,654 --> 00:10:13,351
- Stop right there.
- What? What?
213
00:10:13,351 --> 00:10:15,223
I had a feeling
this is what was going on.
214
00:10:15,223 --> 00:10:16,659
What do you mean
what'’s going on?
215
00:10:16,659 --> 00:10:17,660
[Valerie sighing]
216
00:10:22,317 --> 00:10:23,318
Who is this hot person?
217
00:10:23,318 --> 00:10:24,798
Scroll.
218
00:10:25,799 --> 00:10:27,714
Okay, why is Jake with her?
219
00:10:29,759 --> 00:10:30,891
What is happening?
220
00:10:32,022 --> 00:10:33,676
They'’re engaged? How? How?
221
00:10:33,676 --> 00:10:36,461
It'’s been eight months.
How does this even happen?
222
00:10:36,461 --> 00:10:37,637
This is-- Who is she?
223
00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:40,117
Another cop on his team.
224
00:10:40,117 --> 00:10:42,685
Wait. "Team" isn'’t right.
225
00:10:42,685 --> 00:10:45,296
Squad? What are
groups of cops called?
226
00:10:45,296 --> 00:10:46,602
Bastards.
227
00:10:46,602 --> 00:10:48,038
Well, let'’s not get political.
228
00:10:48,038 --> 00:10:50,954
I am such an idiot.
229
00:10:52,869 --> 00:10:57,308
I spent nearly a decade
with a total fucking loser,
230
00:10:57,308 --> 00:10:59,702
and you are telling me
it only took him eight months
231
00:10:59,702 --> 00:11:02,270
to commit his entire life
to somebody else?
232
00:11:02,270 --> 00:11:03,488
Yeah, pretty much.
233
00:11:03,488 --> 00:11:04,838
I mean,
for the last eight years,
234
00:11:04,838 --> 00:11:07,144
I haven'’t done
anything I wanted to do.
235
00:11:07,144 --> 00:11:08,319
Nothing.
236
00:11:08,319 --> 00:11:09,799
You know I haven'’t traveled
237
00:11:09,799 --> 00:11:11,845
because he was too afraid
to be on an airplane?
238
00:11:11,845 --> 00:11:13,498
You know, I didn'’t buy a car
239
00:11:13,498 --> 00:11:15,936
because he told me
it was too easy to die in one.
240
00:11:15,936 --> 00:11:18,068
Did you know
I didn'’t go to nursing school
241
00:11:18,068 --> 00:11:20,462
because he convinced me
that I'’m afraid of blood?
242
00:11:20,462 --> 00:11:22,507
Yeah, I know, it'’s insane.
243
00:11:22,507 --> 00:11:24,466
Did you know I'’ve never even
had a one-night stand?
244
00:11:24,466 --> 00:11:26,033
I have never had
a one-night stand.
245
00:11:26,033 --> 00:11:28,165
Well, probably because
the one one-night stand
246
00:11:28,165 --> 00:11:30,733
I thought I was having turned
into three kids, a minivan
247
00:11:30,733 --> 00:11:32,953
and a husband who has been
finishing the basement
248
00:11:32,953 --> 00:11:34,519
for five years.
249
00:11:34,519 --> 00:11:37,218
I am just glad that you made
better life decisions.
250
00:11:37,218 --> 00:11:40,961
No, Valerie, I haven'’t
made any decisions.
251
00:11:40,961 --> 00:11:45,879
For my entire 20s,
I have just let shit
happen to me.
252
00:11:45,879 --> 00:11:48,185
[sighing] Well...
253
00:11:48,185 --> 00:11:50,797
[sighing] I'’m not
in my 20s anymore.
254
00:11:52,189 --> 00:11:53,800
[chuckling nervously]
Eva, no.
255
00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:54,975
Valerie, thank you.
256
00:11:54,975 --> 00:11:56,759
- You have given me a gift.
- What?
257
00:11:56,759 --> 00:11:59,370
Thank you so much
for my security system.
258
00:11:59,370 --> 00:12:00,763
Really thoughtful of you.
259
00:12:00,763 --> 00:12:02,504
But I am pushing you out now.[door opening]
260
00:12:02,504 --> 00:12:03,984
- I will talk to you soon.
- Don'’t do anything crazy--
261
00:12:03,984 --> 00:12:05,420
And I love you!
262
00:12:05,420 --> 00:12:08,292
[knocking]
263
00:12:08,292 --> 00:12:11,252
♪ We'’re gonna make a profile
We'’re gonna make a profile ♪
264
00:12:11,252 --> 00:12:12,993
I know. Hurry, come in,
before I change my mind.
265
00:12:12,993 --> 00:12:14,734
- Okay.
- I got you, boo.
266
00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:17,388
♪ Oh, we'’ll have our cake
And eat it ♪
267
00:12:17,388 --> 00:12:18,650
All right.
268
00:12:18,650 --> 00:12:20,696
Now, we just need to
take some pics.
269
00:12:21,305 --> 00:12:22,959
Oh, yes, okay.
270
00:12:22,959 --> 00:12:24,961
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa! Of your face.
271
00:12:24,961 --> 00:12:26,789
Of your face. Yeah, like--
272
00:12:26,789 --> 00:12:28,573
Okay, well, I don'’t know what
people are doing these days.
273
00:12:28,573 --> 00:12:30,140
- Well, they'’re smiling.
- Okay.
274
00:12:30,140 --> 00:12:31,968
- Since, like, 1930.
- Okay.
275
00:12:31,968 --> 00:12:34,014
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [camera shutter clicking]
276
00:12:34,014 --> 00:12:35,537
Just go a little higher, maybe.
277
00:12:35,537 --> 00:12:36,494
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
278
00:12:36,494 --> 00:12:37,582
[camera shutter clicking]
279
00:12:37,582 --> 00:12:38,670
- Good.
- Can I see? Can I see?
280
00:12:38,670 --> 00:12:40,150
- [Robin] Yeah.
- Are you-- No.
281
00:12:40,150 --> 00:12:42,109
I look maniacal.
Please delete that.
282
00:12:42,109 --> 00:12:43,632
- Maniacal is hot.
- Oh.
283
00:12:43,632 --> 00:12:45,155
- Yeah.
- Okay, well, keep it then.
284
00:12:45,155 --> 00:12:47,767
And now, we just need
to write you a bio.
285
00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:50,117
Oh, God. Okay.
286
00:12:50,117 --> 00:12:53,033
It'’s chill. It's just like
some cute, little, low-key
details about yourself.
287
00:12:53,033 --> 00:12:55,557
Like, what is your darkest,
most intimate sexual fantasy?
288
00:12:55,557 --> 00:12:59,082
Mmm. No, I can'’t
disclose that so early on.
289
00:12:59,082 --> 00:13:00,562
- Eva!
- What?
290
00:13:00,562 --> 00:13:03,173
This is a magical
sex rectangle.
291
00:13:03,173 --> 00:13:04,435
You can get anything you want.
292
00:13:04,435 --> 00:13:06,002
- Hmm.
- In here.
293
00:13:06,002 --> 00:13:10,006
Like, uh, do you want to go
to a BDSM club
294
00:13:10,006 --> 00:13:12,835
with a dom who dresses like
a party clown on weekends?
295
00:13:12,835 --> 00:13:17,144
- Not really.
- Or get foot pics from a CPA
who wears adult diapers?
296
00:13:17,144 --> 00:13:18,972
No, that doesn'’t really
sound like me.
297
00:13:18,972 --> 00:13:20,495
Or... Oh.
298
00:13:20,495 --> 00:13:22,497
- Do you want to get
double penetrated...
- Ow.
299
00:13:22,497 --> 00:13:25,717
...by two roommates
who tell everybody
that they'’re stepbrothers?
300
00:13:25,717 --> 00:13:28,155
Well, that all seems
extremely specific.
301
00:13:28,155 --> 00:13:30,766
All right. Uh, done.
302
00:13:30,766 --> 00:13:31,767
Mmm...
303
00:13:31,767 --> 00:13:33,943
- Ready?
- I don'’t know.
304
00:13:33,943 --> 00:13:36,250
- I don'’t know. I don't know.
- Hey. We don'’t have to
do this tonight.
305
00:13:36,250 --> 00:13:37,904
No, I know. I know.
306
00:13:37,904 --> 00:13:40,732
Uh... No. Yes, we do.
307
00:13:40,732 --> 00:13:42,169
- Yeah?
- Yes, we do.
308
00:13:42,169 --> 00:13:44,954
I do not want to waste
another ten years. Okay?
309
00:13:44,954 --> 00:13:47,957
I want to feel like
I am calling the shots
of my own life.
310
00:13:47,957 --> 00:13:50,525
So, yes! Press it! Upload it!
I'’m ready for this!
311
00:13:50,525 --> 00:13:52,570
[grunting] Yes!
312
00:13:52,570 --> 00:13:55,008
Let'’s get you that feeling.
313
00:13:55,008 --> 00:13:56,661
Wait, wait-wait-wait,
wait-wait, wait-wait.
314
00:13:56,661 --> 00:13:58,098
Aren'’t I supposed to be
doing this?
315
00:13:58,098 --> 00:13:59,621
No, this is just
like a secret trick,
316
00:13:59,621 --> 00:14:01,144
where you swipe right
on everybody,
317
00:14:01,144 --> 00:14:03,973
and then you sort through
the piles of messages.
318
00:14:03,973 --> 00:14:06,410
Oh, that is a good trick.
But can you slow down?
319
00:14:06,410 --> 00:14:08,151
That looks like
- a lot of swiping.
- Shut up...
320
00:14:08,151 --> 00:14:10,110
[phone chiming, vibrating]...and enjoy
the sex rectangle.
321
00:14:10,110 --> 00:14:11,807
[phone chiming, vibrating]
Sex tangle?
322
00:14:11,807 --> 00:14:13,243
Oh, why didn'’t I think of that?
323
00:14:13,243 --> 00:14:14,331
- Good.
- Very good!
324
00:14:14,331 --> 00:14:15,419
[phone chiming, vibrating]
325
00:14:15,419 --> 00:14:17,117
Oh...
326
00:14:17,117 --> 00:14:21,121
This is a lot of dudes.
Here we go.
327
00:14:21,121 --> 00:14:23,340
Oh, my God, you'’re beautiful.
328
00:14:23,340 --> 00:14:25,690
Huh. "Thank you."
329
00:14:25,690 --> 00:14:27,649
I have a huge boner
just looking at you.
330
00:14:27,649 --> 00:14:29,259
[buzzer]
Uh-uh.
331
00:14:29,259 --> 00:14:32,175
Eva, great to meet you.
What'’s your credit score?
332
00:14:32,175 --> 00:14:33,568
[buzzer]
333
00:14:33,568 --> 00:14:34,874
Hmm.
334
00:14:36,745 --> 00:14:39,748
Did you know
there are 13 million kangaroos
in Australia?
335
00:14:39,748 --> 00:14:40,836
"No."
336
00:14:41,968 --> 00:14:44,057
Wait. Did we go
to middle school together?
337
00:14:44,796 --> 00:14:46,102
Kyle C.?
338
00:14:47,364 --> 00:14:48,931
Eva V.?
339
00:14:48,931 --> 00:14:50,019
Looking for a daddy?
340
00:14:50,019 --> 00:14:53,631
[buzzer]
Oh! Wait.
341
00:14:53,631 --> 00:14:55,895
Kyle? Kyle? Where did you go?
342
00:14:57,809 --> 00:14:59,072
What? No!
343
00:14:59,072 --> 00:15:01,465
Profile deleted?
You were just there.
344
00:15:01,465 --> 00:15:02,597
On your knees?[buzzer]
345
00:15:02,597 --> 00:15:04,686
It'’s not an MLM.[buzzer]
346
00:15:04,686 --> 00:15:06,557
I'’d love to show you
my penis.[buzzer]
347
00:15:06,557 --> 00:15:07,645
Ah!
348
00:15:08,516 --> 00:15:09,560
[snorting]
349
00:15:10,953 --> 00:15:13,825
[sighing]
350
00:15:13,825 --> 00:15:14,914
[phone chiming]
351
00:15:29,232 --> 00:15:31,278
[sighing]
352
00:15:32,235 --> 00:15:35,935
"Your place... or mine?"
353
00:15:38,459 --> 00:15:41,244
[female podcaster]
All right, a few more clues
about the Swipe Right Killer.
354
00:15:41,244 --> 00:15:43,159
[male podcaster] So, cops
are saying he might have,
355
00:15:43,159 --> 00:15:46,032
like, a background
or a specialty
in forensic science
356
00:15:46,032 --> 00:15:48,817
because dude is leaving behind
zero evidence.
357
00:15:48,817 --> 00:15:50,514
[female podcaster]
But what does that even mean?
358
00:15:50,514 --> 00:15:51,994
[male podcaster]
I mean there'’s no hair,
359
00:15:51,994 --> 00:15:54,257
no fingerprints,
no blood, no semen.
360
00:15:54,257 --> 00:15:56,042
[female podcaster]
Okay, all right. Wow.
361
00:15:56,042 --> 00:15:57,478
Here'’s the other weird thing.
362
00:15:57,478 --> 00:15:59,175
He also appears to enjoy
a nice rosé.
363
00:15:59,175 --> 00:16:01,003
- [male podcaster] Oh...
- [female podcaster] Yeah.
364
00:16:01,003 --> 00:16:03,484
Empty bottles have been found
inside each victim'’s home.
365
00:16:03,484 --> 00:16:06,182
[male podcaster] Oh, man,
do you think he'’s bringing
the wine or is it theirs?
366
00:16:06,182 --> 00:16:08,663
[female podcaster]
Oh, he'’s got it from
my mom'’s car, for sure.
367
00:16:08,663 --> 00:16:10,317
- Lady loves wine.
- [clattering]
368
00:16:20,196 --> 00:16:22,590
They haven'’t found
any glasses at the scene,
369
00:16:22,590 --> 00:16:24,984
so it'’s not like
they'’re pouring wine and then
sipping it. So, I don'’t know.
370
00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:26,768
Does he drink it
right out of the bottle
371
00:16:26,768 --> 00:16:29,075
and then wipe it down
while he looks at the body?
372
00:16:29,075 --> 00:16:31,686
[male podcaster] Ugh,
that is some twisted shit.
373
00:16:31,686 --> 00:16:34,036
The whole thing is nasty.
374
00:16:34,036 --> 00:16:36,169
Could you imagine being
on a date, just trying to
have fun with some dude,
375
00:16:36,169 --> 00:16:37,561
having wine together,
and then--
376
00:16:37,561 --> 00:16:38,823
[smashing][gasping]
377
00:16:42,131 --> 00:16:43,176
[squeaking]
378
00:16:44,046 --> 00:16:45,178
[sighing]
379
00:16:48,616 --> 00:16:51,184
Okay. Where is this place?
380
00:17:05,763 --> 00:17:08,027
Okay. You got this.
381
00:17:15,425 --> 00:17:16,861
Mitch.
382
00:17:22,084 --> 00:17:23,433
Oh.
383
00:17:23,433 --> 00:17:25,696
What? I don'’t look
like my photos?
384
00:17:25,696 --> 00:17:30,440
No. Yeah.
Yes, you definitely do.
385
00:17:30,440 --> 00:17:33,835
I just thought that we were
meeting at your place.
386
00:17:33,835 --> 00:17:36,055
Well, it just so happens
that we are.
387
00:17:38,057 --> 00:17:39,058
I just bought it.
388
00:17:40,407 --> 00:17:42,278
That'’s a very good line.
389
00:17:42,278 --> 00:17:43,366
[bottles clinking]
390
00:17:46,891 --> 00:17:49,633
So, based on my expertise,
391
00:17:49,633 --> 00:17:52,201
it seems that you have
a long love line.
392
00:17:52,201 --> 00:17:54,899
- Mmm. Wait.
- If you look over here--
393
00:17:56,901 --> 00:17:58,468
Do you not have fingerprints?
394
00:17:58,468 --> 00:18:00,905
Oh, yeah.
Um, kitchen accidents.
395
00:18:00,905 --> 00:18:02,211
You know,
you get burnt all the time.
396
00:18:02,211 --> 00:18:04,953
Oh. [chuckling]
Cost of doing business.
397
00:18:04,953 --> 00:18:06,259
That makes sense.
398
00:18:06,259 --> 00:18:07,956
So, if you take a look
at your love line,
399
00:18:07,956 --> 00:18:11,133
which seems to run nicely
into your sex line.
400
00:18:11,133 --> 00:18:13,831
Okay, my sex line?
401
00:18:13,831 --> 00:18:15,877
All right,
I'’m starting to think that
402
00:18:15,877 --> 00:18:18,053
this might all be
a little bullshitty.
403
00:18:18,880 --> 00:18:21,056
No, I-- I believe this.
404
00:18:21,056 --> 00:18:23,189
Oh. Oh, my God, I'’m sorry.
405
00:18:23,189 --> 00:18:24,320
I'’m just fucking with you.
406
00:18:24,320 --> 00:18:26,061
Oh. [chuckling nervously]
407
00:18:26,061 --> 00:18:28,672
- But does it really matter?
- No. No.
408
00:18:31,240 --> 00:18:32,241
[Valerie] No!
409
00:18:35,201 --> 00:18:37,420
I am so sorry. Excuse me.
410
00:18:37,420 --> 00:18:39,074
Yeah, just one second.
411
00:18:41,337 --> 00:18:42,773
Hey, Valerie.
412
00:18:42,773 --> 00:18:44,123
That is my hat
that I'’ve been looking for.
413
00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:45,994
And what are you doing here?
414
00:18:45,994 --> 00:18:48,257
I have totally been
wanting to try this place.
415
00:18:48,257 --> 00:18:49,998
Valerie.
416
00:18:49,998 --> 00:18:53,262
Okay, I might have put
a tracking app on your phone.
417
00:18:53,262 --> 00:18:55,395
Again?
You promised me last time--Whatever.
418
00:18:55,395 --> 00:18:57,875
You were acting
so weird last night
that I just had this gut--
419
00:18:57,875 --> 00:18:59,486
No. You need to stop
right now.
420
00:18:59,486 --> 00:19:01,314
This is the line and
you have catapulted over it.
421
00:19:01,314 --> 00:19:03,098
Well, don'’t you think
that having no fingerprints
422
00:19:03,098 --> 00:19:04,839
is a huge freaking red flag?
423
00:19:04,839 --> 00:19:06,449
Do you have
supersonic hearing?
424
00:19:06,449 --> 00:19:09,409
Statistically speaking,
the chances are infinitely low
425
00:19:09,409 --> 00:19:11,846
that any guy I ever meet
on this planet
426
00:19:11,846 --> 00:19:13,282
will be a serial killer.
427
00:19:13,282 --> 00:19:14,936
Really? And where
did you read that statistic?
428
00:19:14,936 --> 00:19:17,025
I read that on the Internet.
Wikipedia, actually.
429
00:19:17,025 --> 00:19:18,331
- Hey, guys.
- Hey.
430
00:19:18,331 --> 00:19:19,636
- Is everything okay over here?
- Uh, yeah.
431
00:19:19,636 --> 00:19:20,942
Eva, do you know this woman?
432
00:19:20,942 --> 00:19:23,205
[scoffing] This woman?
433
00:19:23,205 --> 00:19:26,382
I'’m her sister,
and I am a young woman.
434
00:19:26,382 --> 00:19:28,428
Oh, nice to meet you.
435
00:19:28,428 --> 00:19:31,344
Uh-uh. I'’m leaving. Stop.
436
00:19:31,344 --> 00:19:34,216
- Oh.
- Yeah, and I want you
to come home with me.
437
00:19:34,216 --> 00:19:35,739
- No!
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
438
00:19:35,739 --> 00:19:37,872
Strange man who I just met
on a random dating app,
439
00:19:37,872 --> 00:19:39,917
who I'’ve only known
for one hour,
440
00:19:39,917 --> 00:19:41,092
would you like to
come home with me?
441
00:19:41,092 --> 00:19:43,965
- You are not--
- Yes. Yes, I am.
442
00:19:43,965 --> 00:19:46,446
- Mitch, come on, bud, let'’s go.
- I have to close the bar.
443
00:19:46,446 --> 00:19:48,535
You really killed my momentum.
Can'’t somebody else do that?
444
00:19:48,535 --> 00:19:49,753
- Absolutely, yes.
- Great.
445
00:19:49,753 --> 00:19:51,407
And, Valerie,
446
00:19:51,407 --> 00:19:55,063
do not ever, ever, ever
pull this shit again.
447
00:19:55,063 --> 00:19:56,804
I am serious.
448
00:19:56,804 --> 00:19:59,328
- Stop it.
- You stop it!
449
00:19:59,328 --> 00:20:00,547
Go home!
450
00:20:00,547 --> 00:20:02,505
You go home!
451
00:20:02,505 --> 00:20:04,986
- Not with him!
- Take care!
Your drink'’s on the house.
452
00:20:12,254 --> 00:20:13,864
Oh! Oh! Sorry![clanging]
453
00:20:13,864 --> 00:20:16,693
You okay? It'’s okay.
I don'’t care.
454
00:20:24,266 --> 00:20:26,137
That was amazing!
455
00:20:26,137 --> 00:20:29,402
- You lasted so long!
- Ten minutes?
456
00:20:29,402 --> 00:20:32,492
Yeah, and I felt like
a lot of the focus was on me,
457
00:20:32,492 --> 00:20:34,145
which was new. It was nice.
458
00:20:34,145 --> 00:20:35,451
Good.[sighing contentedly]
459
00:20:35,451 --> 00:20:37,584
And that thing
you were doing at the end?
460
00:20:37,584 --> 00:20:39,455
I'’ve never had
that happen before.
461
00:20:39,455 --> 00:20:41,109
[sighing contentedly]
462
00:20:46,636 --> 00:20:48,421
Am I allowed to ask you
to leave?
463
00:20:50,510 --> 00:20:53,556
I just don'’t feel like
I'’m ready for a sleepover yet.
464
00:20:53,556 --> 00:20:55,906
I snore a little.
I sweat a lot.
465
00:20:55,906 --> 00:20:58,996
Have you ever heard
of night terrors? Because
it'’s pretty scary if you're--
466
00:20:58,996 --> 00:21:01,564
You know what? Um, I get it.
It'’s all good.
467
00:21:01,564 --> 00:21:02,696
Okay.
468
00:21:07,396 --> 00:21:08,745
You should call me sometime.
469
00:21:09,355 --> 00:21:10,399
Seriously.
470
00:21:11,357 --> 00:21:12,880
I'’d love to see you again.
471
00:21:13,576 --> 00:21:15,361
Maybe I will.
472
00:21:16,927 --> 00:21:18,102
Okay.
473
00:21:18,102 --> 00:21:19,756
I'’ll take it.
474
00:21:19,756 --> 00:21:22,019
Hey, do you want me
to call you a car or--
475
00:21:22,019 --> 00:21:25,327
- Nope, I'’m good.
- Is that what people say?
476
00:21:25,327 --> 00:21:26,676
Okay, bye.
477
00:21:27,982 --> 00:21:29,462
[door closing][muffled exclaiming]
478
00:21:29,462 --> 00:21:30,941
[phone chiming]
479
00:21:30,941 --> 00:21:34,031
Well, you were wrong.
I'’m still alive. Ha!
480
00:21:34,031 --> 00:21:35,337
[phone chiming]
481
00:21:36,120 --> 00:21:37,557
Huh.[phone chiming]
482
00:21:37,557 --> 00:21:39,689
Kyle C. is back.
483
00:21:41,996 --> 00:21:43,171
[phone chiming]
484
00:21:49,264 --> 00:21:50,700
[Valerie, echoing]
You'’ve got to be realistic
485
00:21:50,700 --> 00:21:52,354
about the risks out there
right now, Eva.
486
00:21:52,354 --> 00:21:54,443
I mean,
the world is dangerous.
487
00:21:54,443 --> 00:21:55,749
[doorbell ringing]
Ah!
488
00:21:55,749 --> 00:21:57,751
[gasping]
489
00:21:57,751 --> 00:21:59,318
[knocking]
Shit. Coming!
490
00:22:03,060 --> 00:22:04,584
[doorbell ringing]
491
00:22:09,153 --> 00:22:10,372
[exhaling sharply]
492
00:22:10,372 --> 00:22:11,808
[doorbell ringing]
493
00:22:17,161 --> 00:22:18,641
Hi. Come in.
494
00:22:18,641 --> 00:22:21,688
Hi. I'’m Norman from
Armored Guardian Security,
495
00:22:21,688 --> 00:22:23,167
here for your evaluation.
496
00:22:26,083 --> 00:22:27,650
Please, come all the way in.
497
00:22:27,650 --> 00:22:29,260
As you can see, I'’ve--
498
00:22:29,260 --> 00:22:32,351
I'’ve recently upgraded
my security system.
499
00:22:32,351 --> 00:22:34,091
Yeah, we'’re gonna do
a little better than that.
500
00:22:34,091 --> 00:22:35,571
Yeah.
501
00:22:35,571 --> 00:22:39,009
My place doesn'’t normally
look like this.
502
00:22:39,009 --> 00:22:40,620
- Sure.
- Yeah.
503
00:22:40,620 --> 00:22:44,101
I'’m going through a...
transformational phase.
504
00:22:44,101 --> 00:22:46,016
No judgment. You do you.
505
00:22:46,016 --> 00:22:48,410
Oh, that'’s a cool ant farm.
506
00:22:48,410 --> 00:22:50,412
Oh, they'’re actually all dead.
507
00:22:50,412 --> 00:22:51,892
Oh, that'’s sad.
508
00:22:51,892 --> 00:22:53,241
But I'’m planning on
getting more.
509
00:22:53,241 --> 00:22:55,243
I found a ant breeder
on Craigslist.
510
00:22:55,243 --> 00:22:57,506
I just emailed her,
so I should hear back
from her soon.
511
00:22:57,506 --> 00:22:59,465
Oh. That'’s not weird at all.
512
00:22:59,465 --> 00:23:01,380
So, you must be
513
00:23:01,380 --> 00:23:04,121
getting a lot of calls
these days for installations.
514
00:23:04,121 --> 00:23:06,254
You know, with all
the murders in the news.
515
00:23:06,254 --> 00:23:07,864
Oh, yeah, totally.
516
00:23:07,864 --> 00:23:10,432
It'’s bad for the world,
but awesome for business.
517
00:23:10,432 --> 00:23:12,608
I wish I could get a look
at those crime scenes, though.
518
00:23:12,608 --> 00:23:13,740
Oh.
519
00:23:13,740 --> 00:23:15,394
Oh, no, no, no.
520
00:23:15,394 --> 00:23:17,657
I'’m-- I'm doing
night classes in forensics.
521
00:23:17,657 --> 00:23:20,050
- Oh.
- I'’m looking to eventually
solve crimes,
522
00:23:20,050 --> 00:23:21,443
not just gently
discourage them.
523
00:23:21,443 --> 00:23:22,749
Like a detective?
524
00:23:22,749 --> 00:23:24,620
A medical examiner,
- actually.
- Nice.
525
00:23:24,620 --> 00:23:26,579
Good for you.
526
00:23:29,582 --> 00:23:32,149
So, do you want to do this?
527
00:23:34,151 --> 00:23:35,414
What are we doing?
528
00:23:36,415 --> 00:23:37,459
The security walk-through?
529
00:23:37,459 --> 00:23:39,983
Yes. Of course. [chuckling]
530
00:23:47,208 --> 00:23:48,775
[camera shutter clicking]
531
00:24:00,526 --> 00:24:01,831
Hi!
532
00:24:01,831 --> 00:24:03,006
Here, got you a soda.
533
00:24:03,006 --> 00:24:04,355
- Oh, thank you.
- Yeah.
534
00:24:04,355 --> 00:24:07,315
- Oh. It'’s good.
- What are you doing?
535
00:24:07,315 --> 00:24:09,273
Oh, just measuring the windows
and, you know,
536
00:24:09,273 --> 00:24:11,101
getting everything
just the way we want it.
537
00:24:11,101 --> 00:24:12,320
- Great. I'’ll be in here.
- Okay.
538
00:24:16,455 --> 00:24:19,240
They just found
a species of all-female ants
539
00:24:19,240 --> 00:24:22,591
that actually reproduce
by cloning themselves.
540
00:24:22,591 --> 00:24:24,158
I mean, that'’s
- just amazing to me.
- Wow.
541
00:24:24,158 --> 00:24:25,551
Who needs men?
542
00:24:25,551 --> 00:24:27,030
- I do.
- Oh, thank God.
543
00:24:27,030 --> 00:24:29,163
I mean for all men.
544
00:24:29,163 --> 00:24:31,165
I mean-- Yeah.
545
00:24:31,165 --> 00:24:32,601
Anyway, um...
546
00:24:32,601 --> 00:24:34,342
I'’ll send the estimate
to your sister,
547
00:24:34,342 --> 00:24:37,911
and assuming all looks good,
how'’s Thursday?
548
00:24:37,911 --> 00:24:39,652
- Perfect.
- Amazing.
549
00:24:39,652 --> 00:24:41,262
Love Thursdays.
550
00:24:41,262 --> 00:24:42,611
All right. Okay.
551
00:24:45,135 --> 00:24:46,789
Um, yeah.
552
00:24:46,789 --> 00:24:49,879
At the risk of losing my job
for blatant unprofessionalism,
553
00:24:49,879 --> 00:24:53,230
um, maybe
we could do something
after the installation?
554
00:24:54,231 --> 00:24:55,276
Like a date?
555
00:24:55,276 --> 00:24:57,931
Yeah. Like a date.
556
00:24:57,931 --> 00:24:59,541
Yeah, I will. I do.
557
00:24:59,541 --> 00:25:00,890
I mean, I'’m sorry,
I don'’t even know what I--
558
00:25:00,890 --> 00:25:02,544
- It'’s a yes?
- Yes, it'’s a yes.
559
00:25:02,544 --> 00:25:03,502
Yeah, amazing.
560
00:25:03,502 --> 00:25:04,894
All right, so, uh...
561
00:25:04,894 --> 00:25:07,070
So, I'’ll, uh--
I'’ll see you Thursday.
562
00:25:07,070 --> 00:25:07,984
- Yes.
- Okay.
563
00:25:07,984 --> 00:25:09,595
- All right.
- Yeah.
564
00:25:10,770 --> 00:25:12,685
- Lock the door behind you.
- Okay.
565
00:25:12,685 --> 00:25:14,034
- Bye.
- See ya.
566
00:25:15,601 --> 00:25:17,080
Yes!
567
00:25:17,080 --> 00:25:19,126
Still got it.
568
00:25:19,126 --> 00:25:21,476
[podcast theme music playing]
569
00:25:21,476 --> 00:25:23,522
[female podcaster] There'’s one
thing I keep coming back to.
570
00:25:23,522 --> 00:25:25,741
It'’s been bugging me
from the beginning.
571
00:25:25,741 --> 00:25:27,917
- The first victim,
Kayla Gardner, strangled!
- [male podcaster] Right!
572
00:25:27,917 --> 00:25:29,658
[female podcaster] Right.
But they don'’t really
talk about it.
573
00:25:29,658 --> 00:25:31,399
Like, everybody
since then has been stabbed.
574
00:25:31,399 --> 00:25:32,835
[male podcaster] Yeah, is it
just like any other fetish
575
00:25:32,835 --> 00:25:34,402
and you gotta keep
escalating things?
576
00:25:34,402 --> 00:25:36,317
You start with strangling,
577
00:25:36,317 --> 00:25:37,840
next up is stabbing,
and then what comes
after that?
578
00:25:37,840 --> 00:25:39,276
[female podcaster]
Let me pitch you something.
579
00:25:39,276 --> 00:25:40,713
[male podcaster]
All right, hit me.
580
00:25:40,713 --> 00:25:42,323
[female podcaster]
What if she wasn'’t
581
00:25:42,323 --> 00:25:43,977
actually one of the victims?[male podcaster] Ooh!
582
00:25:43,977 --> 00:25:45,500
[female podcaster] Yes!
What if the rosé in the house
583
00:25:45,500 --> 00:25:46,849
was a coincidence
and it'’s a fluke?
584
00:25:46,849 --> 00:25:48,155
[male podcaster]
Oh, coincidental rosé.
585
00:25:48,155 --> 00:25:50,723
Have we been looking at this
all wrong?
586
00:25:52,420 --> 00:25:53,552
What?
587
00:25:55,205 --> 00:25:58,121
Okay, I mean,
are these people engaged?
588
00:25:58,121 --> 00:26:00,341
Are they mother and son?
I'’m so confused.
589
00:26:00,341 --> 00:26:01,908
[Kelly] So, how was
your date with Mitch?
590
00:26:01,908 --> 00:26:04,432
- Is he--
- Hot? Oh, my God.
591
00:26:04,432 --> 00:26:06,782
Yeah, it'’s, like,
mind-numbing. You have--
592
00:26:06,782 --> 00:26:08,610
[Kelly] No.
No, is he marriage material?
593
00:26:08,610 --> 00:26:11,526
I don'’t know.
I just met the guy.
594
00:26:12,919 --> 00:26:14,529
[Eva] Whoa.
595
00:26:14,529 --> 00:26:17,837
Oh, my God. Okay. Wow.
596
00:26:17,837 --> 00:26:22,668
So, this is
the special portrait
that you want for Brad.
597
00:26:22,668 --> 00:26:25,801
All right,
I was half expecting
tasteful nudes, but okay.
598
00:26:25,801 --> 00:26:27,629
No, sometimes
I like to put it on
599
00:26:27,629 --> 00:26:29,805
just to remember
how amazing that day was.
600
00:26:29,805 --> 00:26:31,807
And this way,
he'’ll remember it too.
601
00:26:31,807 --> 00:26:34,288
Yeah. I mean, you do have,
like, 20 wedding albums.
602
00:26:34,288 --> 00:26:35,855
- Just take the picture.
- Okay.
603
00:26:35,855 --> 00:26:37,813
You'’ve actually never
let me touch this before,
604
00:26:37,813 --> 00:26:39,989
but it'’s kind of exciting.
So, let'’s do it.
605
00:26:39,989 --> 00:26:41,774
What could go wrong?
606
00:26:41,774 --> 00:26:43,776
So, how about Mitch?
607
00:26:43,776 --> 00:26:45,995
Oh, my God.
He'’s crazy good in bed.
608
00:26:45,995 --> 00:26:47,257
[gasping]
609
00:26:47,257 --> 00:26:49,172
- No, Eva, you didn'’t.
- What? Kelly.
610
00:26:49,172 --> 00:26:51,435
Men don'’t marry
one-night stands.
611
00:26:51,435 --> 00:26:54,525
That is so outdated,
and it'’s also not true
612
00:26:54,525 --> 00:26:56,963
because Valerie, she married
her one-night stand.
613
00:26:56,963 --> 00:26:59,052
Well, okay, don'’t even
get me started on that.
614
00:26:59,052 --> 00:27:01,620
There'’s a reason
there'’s no maternity section
in bridal stores.
615
00:27:01,620 --> 00:27:04,623
Well, speaking of Valerie,
she gave me a security system,
which, I know,
616
00:27:04,623 --> 00:27:06,146
it'’s the most
Valerie thing ever.
617
00:27:06,146 --> 00:27:08,888
But the guy who came over
to do the walk-through,
618
00:27:08,888 --> 00:27:11,064
- I mean, he'’s really cute.
- Oh...
619
00:27:11,064 --> 00:27:14,328
- What?
- No, the BTK Killer
installed alarms.
620
00:27:14,328 --> 00:27:16,678
Oh, this is so random,
but do you remember
621
00:27:16,678 --> 00:27:18,506
Kyle Callaghan
from middle school?
622
00:27:18,506 --> 00:27:20,943
Yeah, the guy, he was--
He would always pick his nose.
623
00:27:20,943 --> 00:27:24,555
Okay, well, we matched online
on my birthday.
624
00:27:24,555 --> 00:27:27,950
And get this, he just moved
his vet practice
here to Boulder
625
00:27:27,950 --> 00:27:30,126
after six years in France.
626
00:27:30,126 --> 00:27:31,693
And he'’s a widower.
627
00:27:31,693 --> 00:27:33,652
Sad, but at least
we know he'’s single.
628
00:27:33,652 --> 00:27:35,610
Exactly.
And we have a date tonight.
629
00:27:35,610 --> 00:27:37,656
Oh, my God, Eva.
This is your guy.
630
00:27:37,656 --> 00:27:39,875
I have a good feeling
about this.[Eva] Kelly.
631
00:27:39,875 --> 00:27:43,705
This is the "you and Kyle
and me and Brad sharing
a retirement lake house" guy.
632
00:27:43,705 --> 00:27:45,664
- Take a breath.
- Okay. But just promise me
633
00:27:45,664 --> 00:27:46,969
you'’ll give him
a fair shot, please?
634
00:27:46,969 --> 00:27:49,058
I am going into this
totally open-minded.
635
00:27:49,058 --> 00:27:51,539
Okay, but your mind is
all that should be open.
636
00:27:51,539 --> 00:27:53,584
Nothing-- Nothing else.
637
00:27:53,584 --> 00:27:56,587
- Okay.
- Three dates. No sex. Okay?
638
00:27:56,587 --> 00:27:58,067
- Promise me.
- Fine.
639
00:27:58,067 --> 00:27:59,852
Three dates. No sex.
That'’s easy.
640
00:27:59,852 --> 00:28:02,463
No hand jobs. No blow jobs.
641
00:28:02,463 --> 00:28:04,639
No-- No jobbing of any kind.
642
00:28:04,639 --> 00:28:06,902
- Okay?
- Yeah, Kelly, I hear you.
643
00:28:06,902 --> 00:28:08,469
Let'’s see the pictures.
644
00:28:08,469 --> 00:28:09,905
Yes! I killed this.
645
00:28:12,778 --> 00:28:13,996
- Oh.
- Oh...
646
00:28:17,217 --> 00:28:18,914
Maybe Brad will like that one.
647
00:28:20,176 --> 00:28:21,395
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
648
00:28:23,440 --> 00:28:25,399
[Italian instrumental music
playing]
649
00:28:45,462 --> 00:28:46,594
Hi.
650
00:28:48,814 --> 00:28:51,033
Are you Sheryl?
651
00:28:51,033 --> 00:28:52,687
You look nothing like your--
652
00:28:52,687 --> 00:28:54,254
No. I'’m Sheryl.
653
00:28:54,254 --> 00:28:57,170
Oh, wow. You look even better
than your pictures.
654
00:28:57,170 --> 00:28:58,649
Why, thank you.[man] Shall we?
655
00:28:58,649 --> 00:28:59,738
Yeah.
656
00:29:01,043 --> 00:29:03,437
So happy I could help
you two find each other.
657
00:29:04,699 --> 00:29:05,656
[Kyle] Eva?
658
00:29:06,701 --> 00:29:09,225
- Kyle!
- Eva Beava! Oh, my goodness!
659
00:29:09,225 --> 00:29:11,706
Hi! I-- Oh. I--Come on, get in here.
660
00:29:11,706 --> 00:29:14,361
I don'’t really think anyone
ever called me that, but...
661
00:29:14,361 --> 00:29:16,189
- I did.
- Why?
662
00:29:16,189 --> 00:29:18,757
I mean, wow,
you look so much different
663
00:29:18,757 --> 00:29:20,280
than how I remember you.
664
00:29:22,412 --> 00:29:24,240
Well, hopefully
that'’s a good thing.
665
00:29:24,240 --> 00:29:26,982
- Oh, yes.
- You too. You look so good.
666
00:29:26,982 --> 00:29:28,897
Thank you. Yeah.
667
00:29:28,897 --> 00:29:33,336
I mean, what'’s it been,
like, 525,600 minutes? Huh?
668
00:29:33,336 --> 00:29:35,686
Uh, yeah.
- Something like that, I think.
- Right?
669
00:29:35,686 --> 00:29:38,341
We were in Rent together,
in high school,
you silly goose.
670
00:29:38,341 --> 00:29:39,865
- Right.
- Come on.
671
00:29:39,865 --> 00:29:42,215
Ow. Uh, yeah.
No, I remember. I remember.
672
00:29:42,215 --> 00:29:44,739
Yeah.
- I had the braces and stuff.
- Yeah. Yeah, you did.
673
00:29:44,739 --> 00:29:46,567
Yeah, no, it sucked.
674
00:29:46,567 --> 00:29:49,135
But now, I'’ve got
some hair on my chest.
675
00:29:49,135 --> 00:29:51,006
- Congratulations.
- Yeah.
676
00:29:51,006 --> 00:29:52,573
Hopefully that'’s a good thing.
677
00:29:52,573 --> 00:29:54,227
Honestly,
I could go either way.
678
00:29:54,227 --> 00:29:57,012
All right,
I'’ll take my chances.
679
00:29:57,012 --> 00:29:59,841
Oh-- That is, uh...
680
00:29:59,841 --> 00:30:01,234
You could probably, like,
braid that
681
00:30:01,234 --> 00:30:02,888
if you wanted to. Just...
682
00:30:04,803 --> 00:30:06,195
Sorry.
683
00:30:06,195 --> 00:30:07,893
Probably could,
but it'’s a little weird.
684
00:30:07,893 --> 00:30:09,764
Um, do you wanna
go to the table?
685
00:30:09,764 --> 00:30:10,809
- Yeah, I would.
- Yeah.
686
00:30:16,597 --> 00:30:18,120
You'’re a veterinarian now.
687
00:30:18,120 --> 00:30:19,992
- Yeah.
- That'’s cool.
688
00:30:19,992 --> 00:30:23,256
- Uh, do you love it?
- Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
689
00:30:23,256 --> 00:30:26,781
Animals are just
so compliant, you know?
690
00:30:26,781 --> 00:30:29,001
- Really?
- You just give them
a little anesthesia,
691
00:30:29,001 --> 00:30:31,394
and they'’ll do
- whatever you want.
- Oh.
692
00:30:31,394 --> 00:30:33,875
Oh, my God. I'’m sorry.
That'’s vet humor.
693
00:30:33,875 --> 00:30:35,485
Ah. [chuckling nervously]
694
00:30:35,485 --> 00:30:38,358
But yes,
I love being a veterinarian.
695
00:30:38,358 --> 00:30:40,099
I believe every pet
deserves the best care.
696
00:30:40,099 --> 00:30:41,883
- Aw.
- Buongiorno.
697
00:30:41,883 --> 00:30:44,059
Can I start you off
with some drinks tonight?
698
00:30:44,059 --> 00:30:46,235
First off, I believe
it'’s pronounced "bonjour."
699
00:30:46,235 --> 00:30:49,238
[chuckling]
But, um, what do you think?
700
00:30:49,238 --> 00:30:51,153
We'’ll just split
a bottle of rosé?
701
00:30:53,329 --> 00:30:56,202
- Yeah?
- Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah.
702
00:30:56,202 --> 00:30:58,030
Yes. That--
That sounds great.
703
00:30:58,030 --> 00:30:59,814
One bottle of rosé.
Thank you.
704
00:31:00,859 --> 00:31:02,251
[clearing throat]
705
00:31:02,251 --> 00:31:04,427
So, you--
Do you like rosé or...
706
00:31:04,427 --> 00:31:06,038
Yeah. [chuckling]
707
00:31:06,690 --> 00:31:07,735
Ah.
708
00:31:10,042 --> 00:31:13,175
This whole online dating
scene, it'’s just--
709
00:31:13,175 --> 00:31:14,263
it'’s a hell pit.
710
00:31:15,134 --> 00:31:17,527
Ah. Yeah, it'’s...
711
00:31:17,527 --> 00:31:19,268
Hence why
I deleted my profile.
712
00:31:19,268 --> 00:31:20,443
- Mmm.
- Yeah.
713
00:31:20,443 --> 00:31:22,141
I actually
only reactivated it
714
00:31:22,141 --> 00:31:24,273
so that I could, uh,
message you.
715
00:31:24,883 --> 00:31:25,753
Really?
716
00:31:25,753 --> 00:31:27,886
- Yeah, really.
- Oh.
717
00:31:27,886 --> 00:31:30,714
But I'’m back off the apps now,
and I just...
718
00:31:30,714 --> 00:31:33,413
I don'’t know, thought I'd see
how this works out.
719
00:31:35,850 --> 00:31:37,460
And?
720
00:31:37,460 --> 00:31:40,159
Oh, well, so far, I think
it'’s going pretty great.
721
00:31:40,159 --> 00:31:42,161
- [slamming]
- Bonjour.
722
00:31:43,336 --> 00:31:44,380
Merci.
723
00:31:46,905 --> 00:31:48,254
She got it right.
724
00:31:48,254 --> 00:31:49,864
I love helping people.
725
00:31:53,172 --> 00:31:54,173
[Eva chuckling]
726
00:31:55,304 --> 00:31:58,612
Mmm. Oh, yeah.
Oh, you got a little...
727
00:31:58,612 --> 00:32:00,266
- Oh.
- Just--
728
00:32:00,266 --> 00:32:01,920
Oh, that'’s--There we go.
729
00:32:04,923 --> 00:32:06,446
- Grazie.
- Yeah.
730
00:32:06,446 --> 00:32:08,839
- Thank you.
- Oh, wow, she is
all over the place...
731
00:32:08,839 --> 00:32:10,580
Yeah....with the languages
tonight.
732
00:32:10,580 --> 00:32:12,713
Do you want to--
We can split--Yeah, no, no.
733
00:32:12,713 --> 00:32:14,062
Don'’t you worry.
I'’m a veterinarian,
734
00:32:14,062 --> 00:32:15,629
for God'’s sakes.
We make tons of money.
735
00:32:15,629 --> 00:32:18,066
[chuckling]
And, uh, actually...
736
00:32:19,807 --> 00:32:21,722
- Whoa. Wow, impressive.
- Right?
737
00:32:21,722 --> 00:32:24,507
Yeah, I'’m actually an amateur
illusionist in my spare time.
738
00:32:24,507 --> 00:32:26,988
- [chuckling] Wait, really?
- Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
739
00:32:26,988 --> 00:32:29,034
Well on my way
to becoming pro.
740
00:32:29,034 --> 00:32:31,427
Anyways, look,
enough about me.
741
00:32:32,515 --> 00:32:34,474
I'’ve had a really
good time tonight,
742
00:32:34,474 --> 00:32:37,868
and, um, I'’d love to
do this again sometime,
if you'’d like.
743
00:32:37,868 --> 00:32:39,305
Yeah.
744
00:32:39,305 --> 00:32:40,610
- Yeah?
- Yeah. Me too.
745
00:32:40,610 --> 00:32:42,438
Unless, of course,
you wanted to
746
00:32:42,438 --> 00:32:45,050
continue the night
back at my place.
747
00:32:45,050 --> 00:32:47,966
[Kelly, echoing] Three dates,
no sex. Promise me.
748
00:32:47,966 --> 00:32:51,099
Uh, no, no.
- I'’m sorry, not tonight.
- Oh.
749
00:32:51,099 --> 00:32:52,840
I just--
I just really feel like
750
00:32:52,840 --> 00:32:54,973
we should probably
take things slowly.
751
00:32:54,973 --> 00:32:57,714
Yeah, for sure, slow.
I love it slow.
752
00:32:57,714 --> 00:32:59,064
Cool. Um...
753
00:32:59,064 --> 00:33:00,935
Well, thank you
so much again for dinner.
754
00:33:00,935 --> 00:33:02,241
Yeah, do you wanna--
755
00:33:02,241 --> 00:33:03,677
I can take care of this,
if you wanna...
756
00:33:03,677 --> 00:33:05,026
- This was so fun.
- Oh, you'’re gonna go now.
757
00:33:05,026 --> 00:33:07,028
- High chairs.
- I know, right?
758
00:33:07,028 --> 00:33:08,987
- Oh. Thank you.
- Uh, well...
759
00:33:08,987 --> 00:33:10,771
Just gonna check
one more time,
760
00:33:10,771 --> 00:33:13,034
are you sure you don'’t wanna
come back to my place?
761
00:33:13,034 --> 00:33:14,166
It'’s pretty nice.
762
00:33:16,342 --> 00:33:18,300
One hundred percent.
763
00:33:20,302 --> 00:33:21,347
[muffled] Oh, my God.
764
00:33:21,347 --> 00:33:23,349
[breathing heavily]
765
00:33:23,349 --> 00:33:25,003
[phone chiming, vibrating]
766
00:33:25,003 --> 00:33:26,439
Nope, don'’t worry about it.
767
00:33:27,744 --> 00:33:29,224
I'’m kind of surprised
you called.
768
00:33:29,224 --> 00:33:30,660
Why?[phone chiming, vibrating]
769
00:33:30,660 --> 00:33:32,140
I don'’t know.
770
00:33:32,140 --> 00:33:34,273
I thought it was gonna be
a one-and-done thing.
771
00:33:34,273 --> 00:33:36,623
How dare you, Mitch?[phone chiming, vibrating]
772
00:33:36,623 --> 00:33:39,147
Okay, I'’m sorry, just, um...[phone chiming, vibrating]
773
00:33:39,147 --> 00:33:40,757
- Just one second.
- Yeah.
774
00:33:40,757 --> 00:33:41,932
[phone chiming, vibrating]
775
00:33:41,932 --> 00:33:43,543
[sighing]
776
00:33:45,153 --> 00:33:46,198
[Valerie] Eva? Hi.
777
00:33:46,198 --> 00:33:47,590
Finally!
778
00:33:47,590 --> 00:33:49,070
This better be
an actual emergency
779
00:33:49,070 --> 00:33:50,724
because I am right in
the middle of something.
780
00:33:50,724 --> 00:33:52,421
[Valerie]
It'’s the Swipe Right Killer.
781
00:33:52,421 --> 00:33:54,771
They just found a fingerprint
at one of the crime scenes,
782
00:33:54,771 --> 00:33:58,123
and it'’s unidentifiable,
likely scarred over.
783
00:34:00,908 --> 00:34:04,433
Sound familiar?
Yeah, because I fucking knew
that guy was shady.
784
00:34:04,433 --> 00:34:07,175
Okay. Yeah. Weird coincidence.
785
00:34:08,481 --> 00:34:10,483
But Swipe Right
also drinks rosé
786
00:34:10,483 --> 00:34:12,615
and has an interest
in crime scene forensics,
787
00:34:12,615 --> 00:34:14,182
and none of those things
apply to Mitch.
788
00:34:14,182 --> 00:34:15,618
No, I'’m just joking.
789
00:34:15,618 --> 00:34:17,272
I'’m doing night classes
in forensics.
790
00:34:17,272 --> 00:34:18,839
Do you not have fingerprints?
791
00:34:20,101 --> 00:34:21,885
Eva, are you there?
792
00:34:21,885 --> 00:34:23,757
[girl] Mom, I want a Popsicle!
793
00:34:23,757 --> 00:34:25,846
I told you, Mommy is busy!
794
00:34:25,846 --> 00:34:28,892
[sighing] I can'’t keep doing
this whole thing
with you, Valerie.
795
00:34:28,892 --> 00:34:31,678
Okay, look, I know that you
think that I'’m being paranoid
796
00:34:31,678 --> 00:34:33,897
or overreacting,
but I just feel like
797
00:34:33,897 --> 00:34:36,639
I don'’t know what's going on
with you anymore, which sucks.
798
00:34:36,639 --> 00:34:38,337
Can we just make a deal?
799
00:34:38,337 --> 00:34:40,121
I will loop you in on
what'’s going on with me,
800
00:34:40,121 --> 00:34:41,427
and you promise me,
801
00:34:41,427 --> 00:34:43,124
like, on your favorite child
promise me,
802
00:34:43,124 --> 00:34:46,258
that there will be no
invasive spy shit of any kind.
803
00:34:46,258 --> 00:34:48,521
[Valerie] I promise on Jonah.
804
00:34:48,521 --> 00:34:50,479
That includes
sneaking tracking apps
805
00:34:50,479 --> 00:34:52,090
onto my phone, okay?
806
00:34:52,090 --> 00:34:54,831
Okay. Fine. I promise.
807
00:34:54,831 --> 00:34:56,485
[sighing] Okay.
808
00:34:56,485 --> 00:34:57,660
Great.
809
00:34:59,227 --> 00:35:01,577
Why don'’t you come out to
the bar with us tomorrow night?
810
00:35:02,404 --> 00:35:03,579
With your friends?
811
00:35:04,493 --> 00:35:06,104
Yeah.
812
00:35:06,104 --> 00:35:08,802
Craig! You better cancel
your pickleball plans
813
00:35:08,802 --> 00:35:10,891
because it'’s Mommy's night out!
814
00:35:10,891 --> 00:35:12,458
Hey, quick question.
815
00:35:12,458 --> 00:35:16,418
Um, growing up, did anybody
ever call me Eva Beava?
816
00:35:16,418 --> 00:35:18,507
[Valerie] Beava with a "B"?
817
00:35:18,507 --> 00:35:20,814
Yes, with a "B." What-- No.
818
00:35:20,814 --> 00:35:23,208
Okay, that'’s what I thought.
Bye.
819
00:35:23,208 --> 00:35:24,731
- Hey.
- Hey.
820
00:35:24,731 --> 00:35:26,385
You coming back?
821
00:35:26,385 --> 00:35:28,213
Yeah. [chuckling]
822
00:35:28,213 --> 00:35:30,954
[sizzling][menacing music swells]
823
00:35:30,954 --> 00:35:32,478
[music fades][sizzling]
824
00:35:33,653 --> 00:35:37,831
Oh, ho-ho! Yes! Fajitas!
825
00:35:37,831 --> 00:35:40,007
- [clattering]
- Oh, my God!
826
00:35:40,007 --> 00:35:42,444
You guys, we go hard.
827
00:35:42,444 --> 00:35:45,099
Kelly, I need your phone.
I need to take some selfies.
828
00:35:45,099 --> 00:35:46,144
[Eva] You just... Okay.
829
00:35:46,144 --> 00:35:47,797
Whoo! MILF alert!
830
00:35:47,797 --> 00:35:49,756
- Can you get her
to calm down, please?
- Uh-uh.
831
00:35:49,756 --> 00:35:51,627
There'’s no stopping this now,
trust me.
832
00:35:51,627 --> 00:35:53,325
I'’m gonna have to send these
to myself.
833
00:35:53,325 --> 00:35:55,501
So, Eva, you have a particular
glow about you this evening.
834
00:35:55,501 --> 00:35:57,807
Yeah, I know. It'’s from the sex.
835
00:35:57,807 --> 00:35:59,026
Yes, girl.
836
00:35:59,026 --> 00:36:00,680
But is it from the sex
with Mitch?
837
00:36:00,680 --> 00:36:01,985
Or from the sex with Norman?
838
00:36:01,985 --> 00:36:03,683
Uh, who is Norman?
839
00:36:03,683 --> 00:36:06,164
Oh, Eva'’s crush
from the security company.
840
00:36:06,164 --> 00:36:07,252
What?
841
00:36:08,601 --> 00:36:11,343
Okay, I'’m-- I am cool.
I'’m very cool.
842
00:36:11,343 --> 00:36:13,432
And it'’s actually
kind of your fault, but no,
843
00:36:13,432 --> 00:36:15,216
I am seeing Norman
on Thursday.
844
00:36:15,216 --> 00:36:17,000
- This glow,
this is all Mitch.
- Oh, yeah.
845
00:36:17,000 --> 00:36:19,220
I thought you were
with Kyle last night.
846
00:36:19,220 --> 00:36:21,527
Yeah, I was,
but Mitch came over after.
847
00:36:21,527 --> 00:36:23,703
I just feel like you'’re kinda
not really giving Kyle
848
00:36:23,703 --> 00:36:25,879
a fair shot, if you'’re still
sleeping with Mitch.
849
00:36:25,879 --> 00:36:27,620
No, no, no.
I'’m not ruling Kyle out.
850
00:36:27,620 --> 00:36:29,274
I'’m just saying
he doesn'’t really strike me
851
00:36:29,274 --> 00:36:30,710
as the
throw-me-up-against-the-wall
type,
852
00:36:30,710 --> 00:36:32,929
and let me tell you,
853
00:36:32,929 --> 00:36:35,671
that is exactly what is
getting me going these days.
854
00:36:35,671 --> 00:36:37,282
[Anthony] Hear, hear, sister.
855
00:36:37,282 --> 00:36:39,371
Okay, but sometimes,
people can surprise you.
856
00:36:39,371 --> 00:36:41,329
When I first met Brad,
he was super vanilla.
857
00:36:41,329 --> 00:36:43,288
And then, on our honeymoon,
858
00:36:43,288 --> 00:36:45,072
we realized that baby
likes to be spanked.
859
00:36:45,072 --> 00:36:48,075
- [Eva] Baby?
- Okay. Ew.
860
00:36:48,075 --> 00:36:49,946
- What?
- Wait, who is spanking who?
861
00:36:49,946 --> 00:36:53,254
Oh, you guys talk about having
sex with randos all day long
862
00:36:53,254 --> 00:36:55,256
and I mention making love
to my husband...
863
00:36:55,256 --> 00:36:57,519
- "Making love"? Kelly, stop!
- Making love!
864
00:36:57,519 --> 00:36:59,129
We'’re married. It's making love.
865
00:36:59,129 --> 00:37:01,175
- Who does that anymore?
- [Robin] I was eating here.
866
00:37:01,175 --> 00:37:02,698
Okay, all I'’m saying is that
867
00:37:02,698 --> 00:37:05,005
Kyle is the one you should
be giving a real shot.
868
00:37:05,005 --> 00:37:06,615
You know, like,
he is marriage material.
869
00:37:06,615 --> 00:37:08,269
And Mitch is fuck material.
870
00:37:08,269 --> 00:37:10,140
[gasping] Wait.
871
00:37:10,140 --> 00:37:11,838
Does that make Norman
kill material?
872
00:37:11,838 --> 00:37:13,883
Oh, my God,
you'’re in a Fuck, Marry, Kill!
873
00:37:13,883 --> 00:37:16,843
Hey, hey, hey, everybody!
She'’s in a Fuck, Marry, Kill
right now.
874
00:37:16,843 --> 00:37:19,628
It'’s true, I am.
Wow. This is actually
the most exciting thing
875
00:37:19,628 --> 00:37:21,369
that'’s ever happened to me.
Okay, let me think.
876
00:37:21,369 --> 00:37:23,023
Um, okay, if that'’s the case,
I'’m gonna kill Kyle...
877
00:37:23,023 --> 00:37:24,981
- Uh-uh!
- I'’m gonna fuck Norman.
878
00:37:24,981 --> 00:37:26,940
- And I'’m gonna marry Mitch.
- No, no.
879
00:37:26,940 --> 00:37:28,942
You have to kill Norman
before he kills you.
880
00:37:28,942 --> 00:37:31,553
His goal in life is
to play with dead bodies.
881
00:37:31,553 --> 00:37:34,817
He'’s not gonna play
with dead bodies, you perv.
882
00:37:34,817 --> 00:37:36,689
- You don'’t know that.
- Am I missing something here?
883
00:37:36,689 --> 00:37:40,083
Oh, has she not told you
about his passion
for forensics?
884
00:37:40,083 --> 00:37:43,348
- It'’s a great job.
- [scoffing] Okay, okay, wait.
Wild pitch.
885
00:37:43,348 --> 00:37:45,306
Okay.[Anthony] You fuck the vet.
886
00:37:45,306 --> 00:37:46,742
You kill Mitch.
887
00:37:46,742 --> 00:37:48,222
Who doesn'’t have fingerprints,
by the way.
888
00:37:48,222 --> 00:37:51,181
Exactly. And you
definitely marry Mr. Security.
889
00:37:51,181 --> 00:37:52,835
Smart. I like that.[Anthony] Yeah.
890
00:37:52,835 --> 00:37:54,924
- [Eva] Cheers.
- Oh, my God.
891
00:37:54,924 --> 00:37:56,448
- [Eva] What?
- There'’s been another murder.
892
00:37:56,448 --> 00:37:57,927
- [Valerie] What? Oh, my God.
- No.
893
00:37:57,927 --> 00:37:59,929
Are you serious? Where?
894
00:37:59,929 --> 00:38:01,757
Oh, I am on it. I am so on it.
895
00:38:01,757 --> 00:38:05,195
Okay, female, 31, brunette,
896
00:38:05,195 --> 00:38:06,675
body found at
her east side apartment.
897
00:38:06,675 --> 00:38:08,111
Wait, that'’s right near
where you live, Eva.
898
00:38:08,111 --> 00:38:12,072
Okay, a partial shoe print
was left in blood.
899
00:38:12,072 --> 00:38:15,858
Police have determined that
it was a Ferro Calde sneaker,
900
00:38:15,858 --> 00:38:17,382
size 10.
901
00:38:17,382 --> 00:38:18,905
[Eva sighing]
902
00:38:18,905 --> 00:38:20,341
What shoe size
does Mitch wear?
903
00:38:20,341 --> 00:38:22,212
I don'’t know,
but it'’s probably huge.
904
00:38:22,212 --> 00:38:25,259
What size does Norman wear?
That'’s the real question.
905
00:38:25,259 --> 00:38:28,262
I do not know
because I'’m not just asking
people their shoe sizes
906
00:38:28,262 --> 00:38:29,829
when they walk
through my front door.
907
00:38:29,829 --> 00:38:31,700
Yeah, okay. [chuckling]
908
00:38:31,700 --> 00:38:34,268
I know that, like, you guys
are all kind of joking
about this,
909
00:38:34,268 --> 00:38:37,097
and I'’m cool.
I can be very cool.
I'’m so cool about this.
910
00:38:37,097 --> 00:38:40,187
But actually, I'’m very serious
because any of these guys
911
00:38:40,187 --> 00:38:42,145
could legit be Swipe Right
and kill you.
912
00:38:42,145 --> 00:38:43,712
Okay, I get it.
913
00:38:43,712 --> 00:38:45,845
It sucks that my whole
taking charge of my life thing
914
00:38:45,845 --> 00:38:47,803
has overlapped
with a crime spree.
915
00:38:47,803 --> 00:38:50,023
So, here is the compromise.
916
00:38:50,023 --> 00:38:52,895
I'’m good where I'm at,
so I will delete the apps.
917
00:38:52,895 --> 00:38:54,593
- Yes.
- And I will see Kyle again.
918
00:38:55,637 --> 00:38:58,248
And I will possibly
fuck Mitch again.
919
00:38:58,248 --> 00:38:59,467
- Thank you.
- Probably tonight.
920
00:38:59,467 --> 00:39:00,555
- Yes!
- A few times.
921
00:39:00,555 --> 00:39:01,687
Oh, put it there.
922
00:39:01,687 --> 00:39:03,645
Too many times.
923
00:39:03,645 --> 00:39:05,647
- And I'’m gonna keep
the date with Norman.
- That'’s my girl.
924
00:39:05,647 --> 00:39:07,127
But to ease all of your minds,
925
00:39:07,127 --> 00:39:10,217
I'’m going to prove
to all of you,
926
00:39:10,217 --> 00:39:11,523
especially you,
927
00:39:11,523 --> 00:39:14,308
that none of them
are the serial killer.
928
00:39:14,308 --> 00:39:15,570
How?
929
00:39:15,570 --> 00:39:19,008
We are going to Cinderella
this bitch.
930
00:39:19,008 --> 00:39:20,314
It'’s shoe time.
931
00:39:20,314 --> 00:39:22,708
Oh, if the Ferro Caldes
don'’t fit,
932
00:39:22,708 --> 00:39:24,274
you must acquit.
933
00:39:24,274 --> 00:39:25,667
That is correct.
934
00:39:26,407 --> 00:39:28,409
[knocking]
935
00:39:29,236 --> 00:39:31,151
Hey.[Eva] Hi.
936
00:39:34,415 --> 00:39:37,200
Okay, should we go back
to my place or...
937
00:39:37,200 --> 00:39:39,159
I was actually thinking
938
00:39:39,159 --> 00:39:43,293
maybe we could do something
a little more intimate tonight.
939
00:39:44,294 --> 00:39:46,166
Why do guys always do that?
940
00:39:46,166 --> 00:39:48,386
Just call it what it is.
941
00:39:49,082 --> 00:39:50,083
What?
942
00:39:51,127 --> 00:39:52,738
Oh, were you not talking
about anal?
943
00:39:53,608 --> 00:39:55,610
- No.
- Oh, yeah. Me neither.
944
00:39:55,610 --> 00:39:59,658
So, I was thinking
maybe I could cook for you,
945
00:39:59,658 --> 00:40:01,050
if you'’re hungry.
946
00:40:01,050 --> 00:40:03,836
And, you know,
we could just talk,
947
00:40:03,836 --> 00:40:05,577
get to know each other
a little.
948
00:40:06,273 --> 00:40:07,970
Okay, yeah.
949
00:40:07,970 --> 00:40:09,755
All right, come on.
950
00:40:09,755 --> 00:40:12,497
- Maybe after
we could try anal.
- [Eva] Yes.
951
00:40:16,152 --> 00:40:18,546
So, you seem to know
all about my work,
952
00:40:18,546 --> 00:40:21,157
but I don'’t know anything
about yours.
953
00:40:21,157 --> 00:40:22,245
Mmm.
954
00:40:23,638 --> 00:40:26,641
Yeah, that'’s
kind of on purpose.
955
00:40:27,729 --> 00:40:29,514
It'’s a little embarrassing.
956
00:40:29,514 --> 00:40:32,255
I work at my friend'’s
photo studio.
957
00:40:33,213 --> 00:40:34,344
Sounds fancy.
958
00:40:34,344 --> 00:40:35,868
Uh...
959
00:40:35,868 --> 00:40:39,262
Uh, you'’re probably
thinking Annie Leibovitz,
960
00:40:39,262 --> 00:40:40,742
but this is not that.
961
00:40:40,742 --> 00:40:43,702
This is the everyone
wears matching sweaters
962
00:40:43,702 --> 00:40:47,532
and touches each other oddly
kind of place.
963
00:40:47,532 --> 00:40:50,099
- Those still exist?
- Yes, they do.
964
00:40:50,099 --> 00:40:52,711
So, you went to school
for photography?
965
00:40:52,711 --> 00:40:56,018
Oh, no, no.
I am just the assistant.
966
00:40:56,018 --> 00:41:00,458
I just retouch things,
hand her props here and there.
967
00:41:00,458 --> 00:41:03,069
It'’s real life-plan,
dreams-coming-true
kind of stuff,
968
00:41:03,069 --> 00:41:04,505
so you should be
pretty impressed.
969
00:41:04,505 --> 00:41:06,289
[chuckling]
970
00:41:08,857 --> 00:41:13,601
Actually, the truth is
my mom got pretty sick
971
00:41:13,601 --> 00:41:15,385
and she ended up
dying last year.
972
00:41:15,385 --> 00:41:16,691
I'’m so sorry.
973
00:41:16,691 --> 00:41:19,041
And working for Kelly just
974
00:41:19,041 --> 00:41:21,304
made it easier
to look after her.
975
00:41:21,304 --> 00:41:23,437
She'’s all about family.
976
00:41:23,437 --> 00:41:25,221
She sounds
like a great friend.
977
00:41:25,221 --> 00:41:26,396
Yeah.
978
00:41:27,354 --> 00:41:29,051
You know,
979
00:41:29,051 --> 00:41:31,140
all the guys I'’ve been dating,
you are the only person
980
00:41:31,140 --> 00:41:33,578
that I have told
all of that to, which...
981
00:41:33,578 --> 00:41:35,318
is pretty interesting.
982
00:41:35,318 --> 00:41:37,016
Like, in a good way, though.
983
00:41:37,016 --> 00:41:39,540
What do you mean by "guys"?
Like-- Like, plural?
984
00:41:39,540 --> 00:41:42,064
Uh, well-- Uh, yeah.
985
00:41:42,064 --> 00:41:43,762
I mean, it'’s online dating.
986
00:41:44,676 --> 00:41:45,981
It'’s kind of how it works.
987
00:41:45,981 --> 00:41:47,679
What-- Are you okay?
What'’s...
988
00:41:47,679 --> 00:41:50,029
Sorry, I'’m just
a little confused right now.
989
00:41:50,029 --> 00:41:52,945
Did I say something
to upset you?
990
00:41:52,945 --> 00:41:54,555
No, um... No. You know what?
991
00:41:55,730 --> 00:41:57,036
I'’m good.
992
00:41:57,036 --> 00:41:58,516
- Okay.
- I'’m cool.
993
00:41:58,516 --> 00:42:00,996
I'’m not gonna make
a big deal out of this.
994
00:42:02,302 --> 00:42:03,912
- Everything'’s good.
- Okay.
995
00:42:03,912 --> 00:42:05,000
Oh.
996
00:42:06,393 --> 00:42:08,917
You know what?
I think cooking can wait.
997
00:42:08,917 --> 00:42:10,179
Ooh.
998
00:42:10,179 --> 00:42:11,267
Wow.
999
00:42:13,008 --> 00:42:14,967
All right,
it can definitely wait.
1000
00:42:25,194 --> 00:42:27,066
[sighing contentedly]
1001
00:42:34,421 --> 00:42:37,467
Hey, that was incredibly hot.
1002
00:42:37,467 --> 00:42:38,556
[Mitch chuckling]
1003
00:42:38,556 --> 00:42:40,079
- [Mitch] Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
1004
00:42:40,079 --> 00:42:42,037
[Mitch] Well, just wait
until you try my cooking.
1005
00:42:47,652 --> 00:42:48,653
- [Mitch] Hey.
- Hey.
1006
00:42:48,653 --> 00:42:50,393
Is everything okay?
1007
00:42:50,393 --> 00:42:53,179
[Eva] Oh. Yeah.
1008
00:42:53,179 --> 00:42:54,876
Food'’s almost done.
1009
00:42:54,876 --> 00:42:58,967
Oh, I just realized, I'’ve got
an early start tomorrow,
1010
00:42:58,967 --> 00:43:00,490
so I'’m going to get going.
1011
00:43:00,490 --> 00:43:02,841
I'’m just not that hungry
anymore.
1012
00:43:04,538 --> 00:43:08,673
I-- I wanted to ask you
this earlier,
1013
00:43:08,673 --> 00:43:11,545
- but, you know,
I didn'’t want to be dramatic.
- Oh.
1014
00:43:11,545 --> 00:43:14,548
You'’re not, like,
using me for sex, are you?
1015
00:43:15,418 --> 00:43:16,724
No.
1016
00:43:16,724 --> 00:43:19,205
Okay, because, well,
1017
00:43:19,205 --> 00:43:24,340
that would make me
very, very upset.
1018
00:43:25,341 --> 00:43:26,691
No. No.
1019
00:43:26,691 --> 00:43:28,997
Come on.
No, I'’m definitely not--
1020
00:43:28,997 --> 00:43:30,912
using you at all.
1021
00:43:30,912 --> 00:43:32,392
I'’ll see you later.
1022
00:43:50,584 --> 00:43:52,020
[Kyle] And...
1023
00:43:54,762 --> 00:43:56,155
[Eva] Oh, my God, Kyle.
1024
00:43:56,155 --> 00:43:57,765
Ta-da!
1025
00:43:57,765 --> 00:43:59,680
This is too much.
1026
00:43:59,680 --> 00:44:01,769
Crap. Really? I'’m sorry.
1027
00:44:01,769 --> 00:44:03,466
- I always do this.
- No. Hey, hey, hey.
1028
00:44:03,466 --> 00:44:06,078
Kyle, it'’s-- it's beautiful.
It'’s perfect.
1029
00:44:06,078 --> 00:44:08,776
Got the baguettes, champagne.
We got charcuterie. Come on!
1030
00:44:08,776 --> 00:44:11,866
"Charcuterie!" That'’s what
that'’s called. I always just
call it "cheese and meat."
1031
00:44:11,866 --> 00:44:12,954
Yeah, well... Yeah.
1032
00:44:12,954 --> 00:44:14,695
It'’s a little sweaty.
1033
00:44:14,695 --> 00:44:17,176
I put it out this morning,
so it'’s been here for a while.
1034
00:44:17,176 --> 00:44:19,657
I just wanted today
to be so perfect, you know?
1035
00:44:19,657 --> 00:44:21,223
Oh, who is this little guy?
1036
00:44:21,223 --> 00:44:23,008
Oh, yeah. I forgot about him.
1037
00:44:23,008 --> 00:44:24,531
Come here.
1038
00:44:24,531 --> 00:44:25,619
Okay.[Eva] Oh...
1039
00:44:25,619 --> 00:44:27,577
And this little guy is Stewart.
1040
00:44:27,577 --> 00:44:29,057
- Hi, buddy.
- Hey, buddy.
1041
00:44:29,057 --> 00:44:31,059
That'’s how you hold the dog?
1042
00:44:31,059 --> 00:44:32,452
Oh, gee. Sorry.
1043
00:44:32,452 --> 00:44:34,236
Clinical reflex, really,
1044
00:44:34,236 --> 00:44:35,760
'’cause most dogs in my office,
they think I'’m about
1045
00:44:35,760 --> 00:44:37,544
to take their
rectal temperature, you know?
1046
00:44:37,544 --> 00:44:39,328
Just... right up there.
1047
00:44:39,328 --> 00:44:41,853
Anyways, we'’ll get him
out of here. And...
1048
00:44:41,853 --> 00:44:43,593
champagne?
1049
00:44:43,593 --> 00:44:44,725
[guitar strumming]
Shall we?
1050
00:44:44,725 --> 00:44:46,379
- Yeah, we shall. Thank you.
- Okay.
1051
00:44:46,379 --> 00:44:48,947
- Uh... Oh.
- [guitar strumming]
1052
00:44:48,947 --> 00:44:50,252
[guitar playing]
1053
00:44:50,252 --> 00:44:53,125
[sputtering, coughing]
1054
00:44:53,125 --> 00:44:54,735
- Are you okay?
- Sorry, I had to...
1055
00:44:54,735 --> 00:44:56,389
- [guitar strumming]
- Yeah.
1056
00:44:57,825 --> 00:45:00,393
♪ There is a house
In New Orleans ♪
1057
00:45:00,393 --> 00:45:01,742
What?
1058
00:45:01,742 --> 00:45:03,526
Dear God!
1059
00:45:03,526 --> 00:45:04,745
Hey, buddy!
1060
00:45:04,745 --> 00:45:05,964
♪ They call the Rising Sun ♪
1061
00:45:05,964 --> 00:45:07,574
[barking]
1062
00:45:07,574 --> 00:45:09,358
- Knock it off, Stewart.
- It-- It'’s fine. All right?
1063
00:45:09,358 --> 00:45:10,882
We can go. There'’s
a nice place over there.
1064
00:45:10,882 --> 00:45:12,361
Can you just hold that
for a second?
1065
00:45:12,361 --> 00:45:14,494
Geez. I'’m gonna have to
put this guy down.
1066
00:45:14,494 --> 00:45:15,582
- I'’ll be right back.
- Put him down? Oh.
1067
00:45:15,582 --> 00:45:18,019
Buddy! Look, I just noticed
1068
00:45:18,019 --> 00:45:19,934
you'’re a little bit out of
tune there on the E string.
1069
00:45:19,934 --> 00:45:21,196
Do you mind if I...
1070
00:45:23,503 --> 00:45:25,026
Ten.[Kyle] I'’ll just, uh...
1071
00:45:25,026 --> 00:45:26,767
Shit.[Kyle] If you don'’t mind...
1072
00:45:26,767 --> 00:45:27,986
Give me the guitar!
1073
00:45:27,986 --> 00:45:29,727
- Oh, Kyle!
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
1074
00:45:29,727 --> 00:45:31,641
- No, what are you...
- [man] Linda!
1075
00:45:31,641 --> 00:45:32,991
Linda!
1076
00:45:32,991 --> 00:45:34,601
[Eva] Wow.
1077
00:45:35,167 --> 00:45:36,472
[chuckling]
1078
00:45:36,472 --> 00:45:37,822
Well, that'’s taken care of.
1079
00:45:37,822 --> 00:45:39,780
That guy was way stronger
than he looked.
1080
00:45:40,738 --> 00:45:41,782
Where were we?
1081
00:45:41,782 --> 00:45:43,566
You know, uh,
I think maybe
1082
00:45:43,566 --> 00:45:45,046
we should try this
another time.
1083
00:45:45,046 --> 00:45:46,744
- Are you sure?
- Yeah.
1084
00:45:46,744 --> 00:45:48,310
It'’s not about that,
'’cause... Not at all.
1085
00:45:48,310 --> 00:45:50,312
But this was just
really memorable and... Yeah.
1086
00:45:50,312 --> 00:45:52,445
- ...I'’ll talk to you soon.
- Do you want to do it
again sometime?
1087
00:45:52,445 --> 00:45:54,099
- Bye, Kyle.
- I'’ll, uh...
1088
00:45:54,099 --> 00:45:55,796
If you wanna talk later
or hang out...
1089
00:45:55,796 --> 00:45:57,798
[Eva] Yeah....sometime.
1090
00:45:57,798 --> 00:46:00,061
I'’ll bring Stewart.[Eva] Yeah, I'’ll email you
or something.
1091
00:46:04,718 --> 00:46:08,200
[podcast theme music playing]
1092
00:46:08,200 --> 00:46:11,377
[female podcaster]
So what happens if Swipe Right
doesn'’t match with anyone?
1093
00:46:11,377 --> 00:46:13,335
Does he just start
murdering randos?
1094
00:46:13,335 --> 00:46:16,817
[male podcaster] Ooh. I mean,
are the streets even...
1095
00:46:16,817 --> 00:46:18,340
[tense music playing]
1096
00:46:36,881 --> 00:46:38,012
What is happening?
1097
00:46:38,012 --> 00:46:39,448
Oh, my God.
1098
00:46:40,928 --> 00:46:42,060
Oh, my God.
1099
00:46:42,060 --> 00:46:44,845
[breathing heavily]
1100
00:46:44,845 --> 00:46:46,499
[screaming]
1101
00:46:46,499 --> 00:46:47,848
[both screaming]
1102
00:46:47,848 --> 00:46:50,503
Aah! Why are you screaming?
Oh, my God!
1103
00:46:50,503 --> 00:46:52,766
[breathing heavily]
Okay. Hi.
1104
00:46:52,766 --> 00:46:56,378
Stop screaming, weirdos.
You dropped this.
1105
00:46:57,336 --> 00:46:58,424
Oh.
1106
00:46:58,424 --> 00:47:00,252
Thank you.
Those are expensive.
1107
00:47:00,252 --> 00:47:03,081
Not all men, ladies.
Not all men.
1108
00:47:03,081 --> 00:47:06,171
Yeah, but some men,
sometimes, dude.
1109
00:47:07,215 --> 00:47:08,738
[breathless] Holy shit!
1110
00:47:08,738 --> 00:47:10,828
- That was a close call.
- Yeah.
1111
00:47:10,828 --> 00:47:12,090
What are you doing here?
1112
00:47:12,090 --> 00:47:14,135
I, uh...
1113
00:47:14,135 --> 00:47:16,181
Look, I... I admit,
1114
00:47:16,181 --> 00:47:18,792
I was feeling
a little bit anxious about how
your date with Kyle went,
1115
00:47:18,792 --> 00:47:20,881
so I just wanted to pop by
and make sure
1116
00:47:20,881 --> 00:47:23,666
that you weren'’t
crossing any-- any lines.
1117
00:47:23,666 --> 00:47:26,974
Okay, this whole
sex police thing,
it'’s getting pretty old.
1118
00:47:26,974 --> 00:47:30,238
It'’s a little weird. I don't
need a chaperone, okay?
1119
00:47:30,238 --> 00:47:32,675
And honestly,
maybe our idea of happiness
1120
00:47:32,675 --> 00:47:34,329
is a little different
these days.
1121
00:47:36,418 --> 00:47:38,594
I just-- I feel like,
when you were with Jake,
1122
00:47:38,594 --> 00:47:40,379
we were on the same page.
1123
00:47:40,379 --> 00:47:41,989
Kelly, Jake sucked.
1124
00:47:41,989 --> 00:47:44,383
Okay. Yeah, I can see that.
1125
00:47:44,383 --> 00:47:46,167
I'’m not that Eva anymore.
1126
00:47:46,167 --> 00:47:48,604
Can this new Eva not have sex
with everybody that she meets?
1127
00:47:48,604 --> 00:47:50,519
Okay. You know what?
I'’m really tired,
and I'’m gonna go inside.
1128
00:47:50,519 --> 00:47:52,043
Well, uh...
1129
00:47:52,043 --> 00:47:53,435
'’Kay.
1130
00:47:53,435 --> 00:47:56,351
You know I love you, right?[door closing]
1131
00:47:56,351 --> 00:47:58,701
[female podcaster] So, all
the victims'’ phone records
1132
00:47:58,701 --> 00:48:01,095
show they were
dating multiple people,
but there'’s no crossover.
1133
00:48:01,095 --> 00:48:04,142
[male podcaster]
I mean, at this point,
it could literally be anybody.
1134
00:48:04,142 --> 00:48:06,927
- It could be your dad.
- [female podcaster]
You'’ve met my dad.
1135
00:48:06,927 --> 00:48:08,973
He can'’t climb stairs,
let alone kill someone.
1136
00:48:08,973 --> 00:48:12,019
But I do think
we should be looking
at all men in our lives
1137
00:48:12,019 --> 00:48:14,369
a little differently because
it'’s gotta be one of them.
1138
00:48:14,369 --> 00:48:17,198
[male podcaster]
I want everyone keeping an eye
on the unassuming ones, right?
1139
00:48:17,198 --> 00:48:21,159
Historically, serial killers
are always, like,
the guy-next-door types.
1140
00:48:23,248 --> 00:48:26,294
[female podcaster]
I mean, except for Ted Bundy.
He'’s a fox. He could catch it.
1141
00:48:26,294 --> 00:48:29,080
[male podcaster]
Right. Okay, yes.
Ted Bundy could catch it...
1142
00:48:29,080 --> 00:48:31,169
[Eva] Do you not
have fingerprints?
1143
00:48:31,169 --> 00:48:34,389
...I mean, he definitely
was the exception, for sure.
1144
00:48:34,389 --> 00:48:37,827
Now, BTK, on the other hand,
he could not get it.
1145
00:48:37,827 --> 00:48:41,092
[female podcaster] No, no.
But BTK had the advantage
of access.
1146
00:48:41,092 --> 00:48:42,441
- Hi.
- Hey.
1147
00:48:42,441 --> 00:48:44,834
[male podcaster]
He installed alarms.
1148
00:48:44,834 --> 00:48:46,706
[female podcaster]
That'’s right. Point is,
he'’s out there, listeners,
1149
00:48:46,706 --> 00:48:48,882
and you may never see him
coming until it'’s too late.
1150
00:48:48,882 --> 00:48:51,102
[male podcaster]
Yeah, I don'’t know about you,
1151
00:48:51,102 --> 00:48:52,930
but I won'’t be letting
any strangers into my house
anytime soon.
1152
00:48:52,930 --> 00:48:54,018
[knocking]
1153
00:48:58,152 --> 00:48:59,980
Oh, hi.
1154
00:48:59,980 --> 00:49:01,590
Hey. Hi. Uh...
1155
00:49:02,461 --> 00:49:03,941
I come bearing gifts.
1156
00:49:03,941 --> 00:49:05,290
There they are.
1157
00:49:05,290 --> 00:49:07,205
[chuckling nervously]
1158
00:49:07,205 --> 00:49:09,468
- You look so nice.
- Thank you.
1159
00:49:09,468 --> 00:49:11,252
Hey, do you wanna
take your shoes off?
1160
00:49:13,167 --> 00:49:15,822
You know, you can just
make yourself at home.
1161
00:49:16,344 --> 00:49:17,389
No?
1162
00:49:19,391 --> 00:49:21,175
I have booties I can put on,
if you'’d like.
1163
00:49:21,175 --> 00:49:22,742
No, no, it'’s okay.
1164
00:49:22,742 --> 00:49:24,700
Just wanted you
to feel comfortable.
1165
00:49:24,700 --> 00:49:26,485
Yeah, no, I feel comfortable.
1166
00:49:26,485 --> 00:49:28,226
I'’m just gonna go finish
getting ready.
1167
00:49:28,226 --> 00:49:30,054
Yeah, yeah.
I'’ll get to it, then.
1168
00:49:30,054 --> 00:49:32,012
I'’ll see you soon. Okay.[Norman] Okay, bye.
1169
00:49:32,012 --> 00:49:33,883
Not bye. I'’ll see you soon.
1170
00:49:42,805 --> 00:49:44,894
[drill whirring]
1171
00:49:44,894 --> 00:49:46,722
[Norman imitating fanfare]
1172
00:49:46,722 --> 00:49:48,811
You are now secure.
1173
00:49:48,811 --> 00:49:52,772
All right.
Well, I feel safer already.
1174
00:49:52,772 --> 00:49:55,079
Then should we go
do something crazy?
1175
00:49:55,079 --> 00:49:56,602
Is comedy crazy?
1176
00:49:56,602 --> 00:49:59,474
- Eh. Sometimes.
- Yeah, that'’s true.
1177
00:49:59,474 --> 00:50:00,823
[beeping]
Oh.
1178
00:50:00,823 --> 00:50:02,521
What is that?
What'’s that beeping?
1179
00:50:02,521 --> 00:50:04,697
That means we have
- 30 seconds to leave.
- Thirty seconds?
1180
00:50:04,697 --> 00:50:06,220
- Yep. So, hustle.
- Oh, that'’s pretty...
1181
00:50:06,220 --> 00:50:07,961
[beeping]...quick.
1182
00:50:07,961 --> 00:50:09,267
[beeping]
1183
00:50:09,267 --> 00:50:10,485
[audience applauding]
1184
00:50:10,485 --> 00:50:12,139
Thank you all so much
for coming.
1185
00:50:12,139 --> 00:50:15,186
We are the You Should Smile
Comedy Troupe.
1186
00:50:15,186 --> 00:50:17,231
[audience cheering]
1187
00:50:17,231 --> 00:50:19,799
We need a volunteer
from the audience.
1188
00:50:20,321 --> 00:50:21,975
So...
1189
00:50:23,411 --> 00:50:25,587
Uh, you, sir. Come on up here.
1190
00:50:25,587 --> 00:50:27,676
[laughing][audience cheering]
1191
00:50:27,676 --> 00:50:28,764
Yes!
1192
00:50:28,764 --> 00:50:31,028
[audience applauding, cheering]
1193
00:50:31,028 --> 00:50:32,638
Whoo!
1194
00:50:32,638 --> 00:50:34,031
Oww!
1195
00:50:34,031 --> 00:50:36,294
[Robin] And for a scenario...
1196
00:50:36,294 --> 00:50:37,512
All right...
1197
00:50:37,512 --> 00:50:40,211
"You'’re on a first date."
1198
00:50:40,211 --> 00:50:41,908
- [chuckling]
- [audience] Ooh.
1199
00:50:41,908 --> 00:50:43,562
[improviser] And go.
1200
00:50:43,562 --> 00:50:47,000
Uh, okay.
Um, hi. I'’m Norman.
1201
00:50:47,000 --> 00:50:49,089
- Hi.
- It'’s so nice to kill you!
1202
00:50:49,089 --> 00:50:51,004
- [woman] Oh, my God!
- [Robin] Oh, hey. Oh! Oh!
1203
00:50:51,004 --> 00:50:52,353
[grunting]
1204
00:50:52,353 --> 00:50:54,094
Oh, oh, oh!
No, no, no! No, no!
1205
00:50:54,094 --> 00:50:56,227
I was supposed to be the
Swipe Right Killer. Get it?
1206
00:50:57,967 --> 00:51:00,840
- Uh, yeah, that got dark.
- Too soon. Okay.
Too soon, too soon.
1207
00:51:01,971 --> 00:51:03,756
That was so good! Yay!
1208
00:51:03,756 --> 00:51:05,018
Whoo!
1209
00:51:05,018 --> 00:51:07,629
- Are you okay?
- Yeah. No.
1210
00:51:07,629 --> 00:51:09,327
[chuckling] Wow!
1211
00:51:09,327 --> 00:51:11,633
[Eva] The girl next to me
was freaking out.
1212
00:51:11,633 --> 00:51:12,765
[both laughing]
1213
00:51:12,765 --> 00:51:14,680
I am so sorry. Again.
1214
00:51:14,680 --> 00:51:16,682
- Comedy, it'’s crazy.
- Yeah.
1215
00:51:16,682 --> 00:51:18,423
Lacking social awareness,
1216
00:51:18,423 --> 00:51:20,033
but I appreciate
that you went for it.
1217
00:51:20,033 --> 00:51:21,382
Thank you.
1218
00:51:23,297 --> 00:51:24,864
I have been wondering,
though,
1219
00:51:24,864 --> 00:51:28,215
what'’s with this whole
medical examiner thing?
1220
00:51:28,215 --> 00:51:31,175
You know, did you just wake up
one day and think...
1221
00:51:32,132 --> 00:51:34,526
"Yay, dead bodies"?
1222
00:51:34,526 --> 00:51:36,615
It'’s my chance to play hero.
1223
00:51:36,615 --> 00:51:38,356
[Eva chuckles]
Find answers.
1224
00:51:39,922 --> 00:51:43,535
And I guess I have
a morbid sense of curiosity.
1225
00:51:43,535 --> 00:51:45,189
Weird, I know.
1226
00:51:45,189 --> 00:51:48,148
I love
that you'’re so passionate
about something.
1227
00:51:50,324 --> 00:51:52,283
Tell me something
you'’re passionate about.
1228
00:51:54,546 --> 00:51:55,764
[phone vibrating]
Oh.
1229
00:51:55,764 --> 00:51:57,288
Well...
1230
00:51:57,288 --> 00:51:59,377
- Oh, damn it.
- What'’s wrong?
1231
00:51:59,377 --> 00:52:01,335
Uh, it'’s-- it's my sister.
1232
00:52:01,335 --> 00:52:02,641
Oh, you have a sister.
1233
00:52:03,642 --> 00:52:04,991
Oh...
1234
00:52:04,991 --> 00:52:06,862
Oh, is she okay? What'’s--Yeah, yeah.
1235
00:52:06,862 --> 00:52:10,039
Look, I'’m really sorry
to split like this,
but I gotta go.
1236
00:52:10,039 --> 00:52:11,563
I can come...
1237
00:52:11,563 --> 00:52:13,304
- [stammers] No, I'’m sorry.
- Do you want me to...
1238
00:52:13,304 --> 00:52:15,219
I can come with you.
1239
00:52:15,784 --> 00:52:16,785
Bye.
1240
00:52:17,351 --> 00:52:18,657
Weird.
1241
00:52:21,094 --> 00:52:22,226
Brad?
1242
00:52:23,966 --> 00:52:25,577
- Two High Lifes.
- Brad!
1243
00:52:26,317 --> 00:52:27,361
Eva!
1244
00:52:27,361 --> 00:52:28,928
- Hey!
- Hey!
1245
00:52:28,928 --> 00:52:30,669
- It'’s been a minute.
- Yeah.
1246
00:52:30,669 --> 00:52:32,888
Hey, how'’s--
how'’s Kelly doing?
1247
00:52:33,802 --> 00:52:35,891
Your wife? Uh...
1248
00:52:35,891 --> 00:52:36,979
What are you--
1249
00:52:36,979 --> 00:52:38,938
Shit. She didn'’t tell you?
1250
00:52:38,938 --> 00:52:41,419
No, she did not.
1251
00:52:41,419 --> 00:52:43,638
Look, um,
don'’t tell her I told you
1252
00:52:43,638 --> 00:52:45,858
because she must not
want people to know, but--
1253
00:52:45,858 --> 00:52:47,642
Okay, you'’re
freaking me out. What?
1254
00:52:47,642 --> 00:52:49,557
We'’re on a little bit
of a break right now.
1255
00:52:49,557 --> 00:52:52,256
A break? Sorry,
that was loud. What--
1256
00:52:52,256 --> 00:52:55,607
We were having trouble,
and I definitely, um...
1257
00:52:55,607 --> 00:52:57,478
You what?
1258
00:52:57,478 --> 00:53:00,873
Let'’s just say
I handled it poorly
and she was super upset.
1259
00:53:00,873 --> 00:53:04,659
But then, she did like a 180
and suggested we take
a couple months to ourselves
1260
00:53:04,659 --> 00:53:07,227
and then see where we are.
1261
00:53:07,227 --> 00:53:09,534
- Whoa.
- Yeah.
1262
00:53:09,534 --> 00:53:13,320
I mean, she has been acting
really strange lately,
1263
00:53:13,320 --> 00:53:15,366
- so this makes sense.
- Yeah.
1264
00:53:15,975 --> 00:53:17,498
And honestly...
1265
00:53:18,107 --> 00:53:19,631
I miss her.
1266
00:53:21,023 --> 00:53:22,068
I'’ll see you around.
1267
00:53:22,068 --> 00:53:23,112
Hang in there, Brad.
1268
00:53:23,112 --> 00:53:24,201
- Thanks.
- Bye.
1269
00:53:25,767 --> 00:53:26,812
Hmm...
1270
00:53:26,812 --> 00:53:28,901
So, where is Mr. Security?
1271
00:53:28,901 --> 00:53:31,382
I am, like,
devastatingly curious.
1272
00:53:31,382 --> 00:53:32,948
Okay, listen to this.
1273
00:53:32,948 --> 00:53:36,909
He got an emergency text
from his supposed sister.
1274
00:53:36,909 --> 00:53:38,737
[inhaling sharply]
- Not the sister story.
- Yeah.
1275
00:53:38,737 --> 00:53:41,392
And then he got really weird,
and he just rushed out of here.
1276
00:53:41,392 --> 00:53:44,221
Okay, that is--
- that is sketch.
- Yeah.
1277
00:53:44,221 --> 00:53:47,963
And I am feeling
mildly sleuthy.
1278
00:53:47,963 --> 00:53:49,835
[chuckling] So...
1279
00:53:50,531 --> 00:53:51,967
why don'’t we follow him?
1280
00:53:51,967 --> 00:53:53,491
Yes!
1281
00:53:55,101 --> 00:53:57,059
Okay, we look a little sus
going this slow.
1282
00:53:57,059 --> 00:53:58,713
Well, he'’s not
looking for us.
1283
00:53:58,713 --> 00:54:00,454
No, I mean to everybody else.
1284
00:54:00,454 --> 00:54:02,717
You'’re going 20 in a 35.
You should be going at least 50.
1285
00:54:02,717 --> 00:54:04,719
I'’m sorry. It is my first time
tailing somebody.
1286
00:54:04,719 --> 00:54:06,591
Not mine.
1287
00:54:06,591 --> 00:54:10,029
I dated a cop for eight years.
We did weird stuff for fun.
1288
00:54:16,078 --> 00:54:18,733
[car door opening
and closing in distance]
1289
00:54:19,560 --> 00:54:20,822
Get down!
1290
00:54:24,173 --> 00:54:25,871
Wait, does-- does he live there?
1291
00:54:25,871 --> 00:54:28,830
Uh-uh.
Said he lives near the hill.
1292
00:54:28,830 --> 00:54:30,919
What is he doing? He'’s going in?
1293
00:54:30,919 --> 00:54:32,399
[Robin] I don'’t know.
1294
00:54:32,399 --> 00:54:34,140
[Eva] Did he just go inside?
1295
00:54:34,140 --> 00:54:35,446
Okay.
1296
00:54:36,360 --> 00:54:37,709
What is he doing?
1297
00:54:38,449 --> 00:54:39,798
The lights are off.
1298
00:54:39,798 --> 00:54:41,103
Oh...
1299
00:54:41,103 --> 00:54:42,844
[gasping] They'’re on.
Look, look!
1300
00:54:42,844 --> 00:54:44,106
Wait. Okay, that'’s weird.
1301
00:54:45,151 --> 00:54:47,327
Oh, my God!
He'’s positioning a body.
1302
00:54:47,327 --> 00:54:48,807
That'’s a body.
He'’s positioning it.
1303
00:54:48,807 --> 00:54:50,635
Okay, well, that is--
that is very Swipe Right.
1304
00:54:50,635 --> 00:54:51,679
[gasping]
1305
00:54:51,679 --> 00:54:53,725
[tool rumbling]
1306
00:54:53,725 --> 00:54:55,901
Okay, I know that sound.
He is dismembering her.
1307
00:54:55,901 --> 00:54:57,511
[stammering] This is next-level
1308
00:54:57,511 --> 00:54:59,034
and actually,
we need to call the police.
1309
00:54:59,034 --> 00:55:00,558
Yeah, but what are we gonna say?
1310
00:55:00,558 --> 00:55:01,863
Okay, we haven'’t
actually seen anything.
1311
00:55:01,863 --> 00:55:04,083
You know,
- I have seen enough.
- Aah!
1312
00:55:04,083 --> 00:55:05,258
He'’s coming out.
1313
00:55:06,215 --> 00:55:07,695
What is he doing?
1314
00:55:07,695 --> 00:55:10,742
No![muffled yelling]
1315
00:55:10,742 --> 00:55:12,526
Shh! Be quiet. Be quiet.
1316
00:55:12,526 --> 00:55:15,007
[whimpering]
1317
00:55:15,007 --> 00:55:16,487
- Are you good?
- Mm-hmm.
1318
00:55:16,487 --> 00:55:18,619
Okay, okay, okay, okay.
1319
00:55:20,404 --> 00:55:21,796
- He'’s dragging it.
- Get down.
1320
00:55:21,796 --> 00:55:22,841
He'’s dragging it.
1321
00:55:23,755 --> 00:55:26,845
I see one bag for the torso.
1322
00:55:26,845 --> 00:55:28,847
And two for the limbs.
1323
00:55:28,847 --> 00:55:30,588
No. A body is very heavy.
1324
00:55:30,588 --> 00:55:33,199
He'’s really strong.
1325
00:55:33,199 --> 00:55:34,461
Okay. Oh, no.
1326
00:55:34,461 --> 00:55:36,028
That is a torso,
if I ever saw one.
1327
00:55:36,028 --> 00:55:37,769
[Eva]
No, that could definitely--
1328
00:55:37,769 --> 00:55:39,423
- Down.
- [van door thudding]
1329
00:55:40,946 --> 00:55:43,122
- [Eva] Let'’s just breathe
through this.
- [Robin] Okay.
1330
00:55:43,122 --> 00:55:44,297
And not get carried away.
1331
00:55:44,297 --> 00:55:45,994
- [Robin] Right.
- [Eva] Hold on.
1332
00:55:47,605 --> 00:55:49,433
- Okay, we gotta go in there.
- Hell no!
1333
00:55:49,433 --> 00:55:51,478
Yes! What if somebody'’s in
there and they'’re hurt, okay?
1334
00:55:51,478 --> 00:55:54,046
We can'’t call the cops until
we know for sure, all right?
1335
00:55:54,046 --> 00:55:56,918
So put your
big girl britches on.
We'’re going inside.
1336
00:55:56,918 --> 00:55:58,790
- Come on.
- No, no, no, no.
1337
00:55:58,790 --> 00:56:02,924
I certainly didn'’t come... to,
like, evaluate a murder scene!
1338
00:56:02,924 --> 00:56:04,622
Quit talking to yourself.
1339
00:56:04,622 --> 00:56:05,971
Shh.
1340
00:56:06,928 --> 00:56:09,496
Oh, my God. Okay.
1341
00:56:10,149 --> 00:56:11,106
Try the door.
1342
00:56:11,106 --> 00:56:12,934
- Mm-mmm.
- Just try.
1343
00:56:12,934 --> 00:56:15,328
Okay, okay.[doorknob rattling]
1344
00:56:15,328 --> 00:56:16,416
Damn it, it'’s locked.
1345
00:56:17,635 --> 00:56:18,679
No.
1346
00:56:22,857 --> 00:56:25,382
Victory.[key rattling]
1347
00:56:25,382 --> 00:56:27,340
Okay. Okay.
1348
00:56:28,428 --> 00:56:30,038
[exhaling sharply]
1349
00:56:30,038 --> 00:56:31,170
[lock clicking]
1350
00:56:31,170 --> 00:56:32,650
Oh, my God.
1351
00:56:38,569 --> 00:56:39,613
Go.
1352
00:56:39,613 --> 00:56:41,310
Go! Go!
1353
00:56:42,747 --> 00:56:43,835
Excuse me?
1354
00:56:45,010 --> 00:56:46,664
What are you doing in here?
1355
00:56:46,664 --> 00:56:48,970
Um...
1356
00:56:48,970 --> 00:56:51,146
Wow, we are so sorry.
1357
00:56:51,146 --> 00:56:52,452
What?
1358
00:56:52,452 --> 00:56:53,932
Oh, no, no, no. Not--
1359
00:56:53,932 --> 00:56:55,716
We meant-- Because we just--
1360
00:56:55,716 --> 00:56:57,588
- No, you'’re here.
- Mm-hmm. You are here.
1361
00:56:57,588 --> 00:57:00,765
And we'’re so happy
for that. Yay!
1362
00:57:00,765 --> 00:57:02,854
I'’m sorry,
did I leave the door open?
1363
00:57:02,854 --> 00:57:04,595
Um...
1364
00:57:04,595 --> 00:57:06,858
We are
your new neighbors.
1365
00:57:06,858 --> 00:57:11,384
We thought
we'’d just come on by
and offer you our services.
1366
00:57:12,472 --> 00:57:14,343
You guys are very sweet,
1367
00:57:14,343 --> 00:57:17,390
but you don'’t need
to be woke all the time.
1368
00:57:17,390 --> 00:57:19,044
I mean, I kind of think
we'’re the--
1369
00:57:19,044 --> 00:57:20,175
the right amount of woke.
1370
00:57:20,175 --> 00:57:21,612
I'’m a normal person,
1371
00:57:21,612 --> 00:57:23,962
and I have people
who help me when I need it.
1372
00:57:23,962 --> 00:57:25,964
My brother just left.
1373
00:57:25,964 --> 00:57:27,356
- Like, just now?
- Your brother.
1374
00:57:27,356 --> 00:57:29,010
I blew a fuse,
1375
00:57:29,010 --> 00:57:31,404
and I had him go into the
crawl space to flip a switch.
1376
00:57:31,404 --> 00:57:34,189
And then he fixed
my garbage disposal,
and he took out the trash.
1377
00:57:34,189 --> 00:57:36,191
- He'’s the best.
- Yeah. Yeah.
1378
00:57:36,191 --> 00:57:37,976
You know what? He actually--
He sounds it.
1379
00:57:37,976 --> 00:57:39,717
Okay, you know what?
1380
00:57:39,717 --> 00:57:42,502
If you need anything, you know
where to find us, so...
1381
00:57:42,502 --> 00:57:44,417
Actually, I don'’t.
What unit are you in?
1382
00:57:44,417 --> 00:57:46,245
- Bye! Bye.
- In the pent suite.
1383
00:57:52,120 --> 00:57:53,382
I am a terrible person.
1384
00:57:53,382 --> 00:57:56,516
I just assumed
he was a murderer,
1385
00:57:56,516 --> 00:58:00,041
based off of ten minutes
of spying on him from a car?
1386
00:58:00,041 --> 00:58:02,827
I mean, I could have
at least given it a solid 30,
1387
00:58:02,827 --> 00:58:04,481
like a proper stalker.
1388
00:58:05,177 --> 00:58:06,874
[phone vibrating]
1389
00:58:07,614 --> 00:58:09,007
Oh, oh, God.
1390
00:58:09,007 --> 00:58:10,225
Well, it'’s him.
1391
00:58:10,225 --> 00:58:11,575
Well?
1392
00:58:11,575 --> 00:58:12,619
- What do I do?
- Answer it!
1393
00:58:12,619 --> 00:58:13,881
- Answer it?
- Yeah, answer it!
1394
00:58:13,881 --> 00:58:15,361
- And say what?
- We'’re hanging out
1395
00:58:15,361 --> 00:58:16,884
in front of your sister'’s house,
1396
00:58:16,884 --> 00:58:18,625
we thought you were
the Swipe Right Killer.
1397
00:58:20,627 --> 00:58:21,759
Howdy!
1398
00:58:21,759 --> 00:58:23,412
[Norman] Hey, Eva.
1399
00:58:23,412 --> 00:58:25,153
What are you doing? What am I doing?
1400
00:58:25,153 --> 00:58:27,634
- Chillin'’.
- Chillin'’ in a car
with my friend.
1401
00:58:27,634 --> 00:58:30,550
We'’re just, uh,
doing some night meditating.
1402
00:58:30,550 --> 00:58:31,986
[Norman] Cool. Um...
1403
00:58:31,986 --> 00:58:34,423
I'’m sorry about
running off earlier.
1404
00:58:34,423 --> 00:58:35,860
No, it'’s okay.
1405
00:58:35,860 --> 00:58:37,296
[Norman] Any chance
we can finish our date?
1406
00:58:37,296 --> 00:58:38,558
Yeah, I'’ll be there
as soon as possible.
1407
00:58:38,558 --> 00:58:40,691
[Norman] Okay, thank you. Thank you.
1408
00:58:41,300 --> 00:58:42,301
Wow.
1409
00:58:42,301 --> 00:58:44,042
Way to play hard to get, babe.
1410
00:58:44,042 --> 00:58:45,304
[knocking]
1411
00:58:46,348 --> 00:58:47,567
- Hey!
- Hey.
1412
00:58:47,567 --> 00:58:50,570
- Oh.
- Look, um...
1413
00:58:50,570 --> 00:58:52,703
I think you'’re really great,
but--
1414
00:58:52,703 --> 00:58:54,487
Oh, my God, did you
just invite me over here
1415
00:58:54,487 --> 00:58:56,228
to tell me that you'’re not
interested in me?
1416
00:58:56,228 --> 00:58:57,708
No, no, no. My God, no.
1417
00:58:57,708 --> 00:58:59,623
Before I bolted earlier,
I should have told you--
1418
00:58:59,623 --> 00:59:02,843
Whoa, whoa, wait.
- You have a girlfriend?
- No, no. No.
1419
00:59:02,843 --> 00:59:06,586
Um, I have some anxiety
stuff with my sister.
1420
00:59:06,586 --> 00:59:08,806
Okay. What do you mean?
1421
00:59:10,242 --> 00:59:13,419
We went through
some traumatic shit
together as kids.
1422
00:59:13,419 --> 00:59:14,638
She'’s super independent,
1423
00:59:14,638 --> 00:59:16,030
and she never asks
for anything.
1424
00:59:16,030 --> 00:59:18,467
So, when she said
she needed me, I, uh...
1425
00:59:19,120 --> 00:59:20,426
I panicked.
1426
00:59:21,122 --> 00:59:22,994
- Sorry.
- No.
1427
00:59:22,994 --> 00:59:26,171
You do not have to be sorry.
I get it. I...
1428
00:59:26,171 --> 00:59:30,741
I also have a sister who
causes all sorts of anxiety.
1429
00:59:35,876 --> 00:59:38,357
Well, are you gonna
give me the tour or...
1430
00:59:38,357 --> 00:59:40,838
Yeah, for sure.
Okay, well...
1431
00:59:40,838 --> 00:59:42,317
[Eva whispering]
Forty-three.
1432
00:59:42,317 --> 00:59:44,842
[Norman]
This is the dining room.
1433
00:59:44,842 --> 00:59:48,454
Oh, look at this. Hmm...
1434
00:59:48,454 --> 00:59:50,064
Do you have an air fryer?
1435
00:59:50,630 --> 00:59:51,718
I do.
1436
00:59:52,676 --> 00:59:54,068
I'’ve also got a fancy blender.
1437
00:59:55,896 --> 00:59:56,854
Mm-hmm.
1438
01:00:02,686 --> 01:00:04,601
Maybe we skip
the rest of the tour.
1439
01:00:04,601 --> 01:00:06,254
- Yeah, for sure.
- Yeah.
1440
01:00:09,388 --> 01:00:10,737
Wow.
1441
01:00:12,434 --> 01:00:14,523
- Transformational phase.
- Yeah, I get it.
1442
01:00:17,222 --> 01:00:18,353
Hmm? Huh?
1443
01:00:18,353 --> 01:00:20,268
Yeah. Oh.
1444
01:00:21,618 --> 01:00:22,923
Okay.
1445
01:00:23,881 --> 01:00:25,534
Whose is this?
1446
01:00:25,534 --> 01:00:26,927
It'’s probably my sister's.
1447
01:00:26,927 --> 01:00:28,581
She'’s always leaving stuff
over here.
1448
01:00:28,581 --> 01:00:31,366
Right, the sister in
a wheelchair wears heels, okay.
1449
01:00:31,366 --> 01:00:33,978
Uh, that'’s a really
ignorant thing to say.
1450
01:00:33,978 --> 01:00:35,632
She can wear
whatever shoe she wants.
1451
01:00:35,632 --> 01:00:37,111
No, you'’re right.
I'’m sorry. That was--
1452
01:00:37,111 --> 01:00:38,417
I don'’t know why I said that.
1453
01:00:38,417 --> 01:00:39,679
How do you know
she uses a wheelchair?
1454
01:00:39,679 --> 01:00:42,377
Huh? Uh... You told me.
1455
01:00:43,465 --> 01:00:44,641
I don'’t think I did.
1456
01:00:44,641 --> 01:00:47,861
No, I definitely think you did.
1457
01:00:50,342 --> 01:00:51,473
You know what? Um...
1458
01:00:52,605 --> 01:00:54,128
Maybe we should do this
another time.
1459
01:00:54,128 --> 01:00:56,348
Um... Hold on.
You'’re ending this
1460
01:00:56,348 --> 01:00:58,742
because I--
I asked about a shoe?
1461
01:00:58,742 --> 01:01:00,047
I mean,
it is our first date, Eva.
1462
01:01:00,047 --> 01:01:01,527
I don'’t think it's a crime
1463
01:01:01,527 --> 01:01:02,702
to have another woman'’s shoe
in the house.
1464
01:01:02,702 --> 01:01:04,225
So, it is another woman'’s shoe.
1465
01:01:04,225 --> 01:01:05,792
It'’s not your sister's,
so that was a lie.
1466
01:01:05,792 --> 01:01:07,664
Okay. It'’s late, so...
1467
01:01:09,927 --> 01:01:10,971
Yeah.
1468
01:01:10,971 --> 01:01:13,191
It is pretty late. Um...
1469
01:01:13,191 --> 01:01:15,062
I'’ll talk to you soon,
Norman.
1470
01:01:23,418 --> 01:01:27,684
Oh, men'’s... size 43.
1471
01:01:28,728 --> 01:01:29,686
Oh, shit.
1472
01:01:30,425 --> 01:01:32,340
Oh, my-- [sighing]
1473
01:01:32,863 --> 01:01:33,994
Shit.
1474
01:01:35,300 --> 01:01:37,345
- Here, let me help you.
- Oh, hi.
1475
01:01:38,303 --> 01:01:39,521
- Thank you.
- No worries.
1476
01:01:40,784 --> 01:01:42,133
[sighing]
1477
01:01:42,133 --> 01:01:44,352
- Are you okay?
- Yeah, I'’m okay.
1478
01:01:44,352 --> 01:01:47,181
Just a good date
that turned into a...
1479
01:01:47,965 --> 01:01:49,227
shitty date.
1480
01:01:49,227 --> 01:01:51,229
Oh. [sighing]
They can turn on a dime.
1481
01:01:51,229 --> 01:01:52,578
Be careful.
1482
01:01:53,318 --> 01:01:54,449
Yeah, you too.
1483
01:02:08,812 --> 01:02:10,422
[phone chiming, vibrating]
Oh!
1484
01:02:11,902 --> 01:02:12,946
[groaning]
1485
01:02:14,905 --> 01:02:15,906
Ooh...
1486
01:02:18,952 --> 01:02:20,737
Fuck it. Self-care.
1487
01:02:25,785 --> 01:02:27,918
[female podcaster]
Okay, Mark My Murder fans,
1488
01:02:27,918 --> 01:02:29,484
urgent information coming in.
1489
01:02:29,484 --> 01:02:32,574
The Swipe Right Killer
has struck again last night.
1490
01:02:32,574 --> 01:02:34,185
The victim, Tara Leon,
was found
1491
01:02:34,185 --> 01:02:36,230
wearing one
strappy gold stiletto shoe.
1492
01:02:37,971 --> 01:02:39,538
No.[male podcaster]
And she wasn'’t
1493
01:02:39,538 --> 01:02:42,019
coming home from a date,
as far as we know right now.
1494
01:02:42,019 --> 01:02:44,673
They'’re saying she was at
some costume gala all night.
1495
01:02:44,673 --> 01:02:47,981
So, is this a new escalation
from Swipe Right?
1496
01:02:47,981 --> 01:02:49,591
[female podcaster] Everyone
else has been on dates
1497
01:02:49,591 --> 01:02:51,593
or maybe this was just like
a crime of convenience.
1498
01:02:51,593 --> 01:02:53,595
[male podcaster] Okay, okay.
So, then, what you'’re saying
1499
01:02:53,595 --> 01:02:55,597
is that Swipe Right
is getting lazier.
1500
01:02:57,556 --> 01:02:59,123
[female podcaster] Or crazier.
1501
01:02:59,123 --> 01:03:01,081
[male podcaster] Lazier
and crazier? Okay, now--
1502
01:03:03,257 --> 01:03:04,302
Valerie, you were right.
1503
01:03:05,172 --> 01:03:06,652
I think I'’m dating the killer.
1504
01:03:12,005 --> 01:03:13,398
[Eva] Wow.
1505
01:03:13,398 --> 01:03:14,747
This is the...
1506
01:03:14,747 --> 01:03:19,447
Whoa. This is very extensive.
1507
01:03:19,447 --> 01:03:21,319
I totally killed
this presentation,
1508
01:03:21,319 --> 01:03:23,800
so get your grubby hands off
my laptop and listen to this.
1509
01:03:23,800 --> 01:03:25,671
- Yes, ma'’am.
- Okay, so,
1510
01:03:25,671 --> 01:03:27,629
after your embargo
on googling people was lifted,
1511
01:03:27,629 --> 01:03:30,415
I found this
in about 45 seconds.
1512
01:03:30,415 --> 01:03:32,591
Apparently,
his sister survived
1513
01:03:32,591 --> 01:03:34,854
a botched home invasion
in 2004,
1514
01:03:34,854 --> 01:03:36,508
where their parents
were murdered.
1515
01:03:36,508 --> 01:03:37,857
- Holy shit.
- Yeah.
1516
01:03:37,857 --> 01:03:39,467
She was shot
and left partially paralyzed.
1517
01:03:39,467 --> 01:03:40,512
What?
1518
01:03:40,512 --> 01:03:41,600
Norman came home in the middle
1519
01:03:41,600 --> 01:03:43,080
- and the robbers fled.
- Whoa.
1520
01:03:43,080 --> 01:03:45,560
- What do you think?
- I think that that explains
1521
01:03:45,560 --> 01:03:47,736
why he freaks whenever
she needs something.
1522
01:03:47,736 --> 01:03:50,870
It'’s also the perfect
serial killer origin story.
1523
01:03:50,870 --> 01:03:54,569
Okay, but why would he
just kill women? Huh?
1524
01:03:54,569 --> 01:03:57,311
Maybe one of the home invaders
was a woman? I don'’t know.
1525
01:03:57,311 --> 01:03:59,923
The big picture is
Norman'’s interest
1526
01:03:59,923 --> 01:04:01,533
in being a medical examiner
1527
01:04:01,533 --> 01:04:03,927
makes him well-versed
in crime scenes and forensics,
1528
01:04:03,927 --> 01:04:06,843
so he would know
to cover his fingerprints
or avoid leaving any.
1529
01:04:06,843 --> 01:04:08,670
He is a size-ten shoe,
1530
01:04:08,670 --> 01:04:11,412
and the most damning
piece of evidence:
1531
01:04:11,412 --> 01:04:14,851
he was most likely the last
person to see Tara Leon alive.
1532
01:04:14,851 --> 01:04:17,288
- Okay.
- You know
what you have to do.
1533
01:04:17,288 --> 01:04:18,898
- Yeah. Call the tip line.
- Call Jake.
1534
01:04:18,898 --> 01:04:21,770
No. No.
1535
01:04:21,770 --> 01:04:23,294
Okay, you can try
your thing first,
1536
01:04:23,294 --> 01:04:24,730
but when that doesn'’t work...
1537
01:04:24,730 --> 01:04:27,385
Uh-uh, I'’m definitely
not calling Jake.
1538
01:04:32,259 --> 01:04:35,175
[police radio chatter]
1539
01:04:39,049 --> 01:04:40,572
[knuckles cracking]
1540
01:04:43,880 --> 01:04:44,968
Drugs?
1541
01:04:45,925 --> 01:04:48,536
No. Serial killer.
1542
01:04:48,536 --> 01:04:49,929
[phone chiming, vibrating]
1543
01:04:51,931 --> 01:04:53,759
Oh, dear God, no.
1544
01:04:57,284 --> 01:05:01,027
Hi, Eva. Um, Kyle here.
1545
01:05:01,027 --> 01:05:02,463
Um, you knew that. Sorry.
1546
01:05:02,463 --> 01:05:04,596
Uh, look,
I just wanted to say that
1547
01:05:04,596 --> 01:05:07,773
I bought this guy
a brand-new guitar.
1548
01:05:07,773 --> 01:05:09,340
Very sweet.
1549
01:05:09,340 --> 01:05:11,820
Actually, a way nicer one
than he had before, so...
1550
01:05:11,820 --> 01:05:13,605
Whatever, that'’s not the point.
1551
01:05:13,605 --> 01:05:15,346
The point is,
1552
01:05:15,346 --> 01:05:17,957
I just wanted
to apologize to you.
1553
01:05:17,957 --> 01:05:22,222
I think I overreacted a little
bit the other day at the park.
1554
01:05:22,222 --> 01:05:24,398
I think it was just because
I was trying so hard
1555
01:05:24,398 --> 01:05:27,140
to impress you that I forgot
how to be myself.
1556
01:05:27,967 --> 01:05:29,316
Anyways, uh...
1557
01:05:30,709 --> 01:05:32,232
Mmm... Oh, no.
1558
01:05:32,232 --> 01:05:33,886
[guitar strumming]
No, don'’t...
1559
01:05:33,886 --> 01:05:35,932
[guitar strumming]
1560
01:05:38,151 --> 01:05:39,413
♪ I'’m sorry, Eva ♪
1561
01:05:39,413 --> 01:05:41,067
Oh, wow.
1562
01:05:41,067 --> 01:05:42,851
[guitar strumming]
1563
01:05:44,201 --> 01:05:47,247
♪ For the way
I acted the other day ♪
1564
01:05:49,206 --> 01:05:52,383
I really should'’ve
came up with some more
lyrics for this. Um...
1565
01:05:52,383 --> 01:05:53,775
Strangely charming.
1566
01:05:54,689 --> 01:05:56,126
Okay, someone arrest this woman!
1567
01:05:57,605 --> 01:05:58,824
For stealing my heart.
1568
01:06:01,261 --> 01:06:02,349
Aren'’t you engaged?
1569
01:06:02,349 --> 01:06:03,872
Oh, yeah. Winnie, come say hi.
1570
01:06:03,872 --> 01:06:05,004
[Winnie] Uh-uh.
1571
01:06:05,004 --> 01:06:06,049
Ah, she gets me.
1572
01:06:06,049 --> 01:06:07,746
You are such a dick.
1573
01:06:07,746 --> 01:06:10,009
Oh, relax, hormones,
you called me.
1574
01:06:10,009 --> 01:06:12,272
Hormones? You were
my last resort, okay?
1575
01:06:12,272 --> 01:06:15,667
I tried that tip line, like,
44 times, and I couldn'’t
get anyone to pick up.
1576
01:06:15,667 --> 01:06:17,669
Yeah, it'’s because
this podcast has got
all these chicks
1577
01:06:17,669 --> 01:06:19,801
thinking their online dates
are murderers.
1578
01:06:19,801 --> 01:06:21,716
[chuckling] Women, so crazy.
1579
01:06:23,370 --> 01:06:24,632
Anyway, what can I do for you?
1580
01:06:26,330 --> 01:06:30,073
I think one of my online dates
might be a murderer.
1581
01:06:30,073 --> 01:06:31,117
[snickering]
1582
01:06:31,117 --> 01:06:32,640
Shut up.
1583
01:06:32,640 --> 01:06:34,120
Oh, I'’m fucking with you.
Let'’s just...
1584
01:06:34,120 --> 01:06:35,643
- Okay.
- All right.
1585
01:06:35,643 --> 01:06:37,297
Just--Feminism.
1586
01:06:37,297 --> 01:06:38,733
[Eva] Feminism?
1587
01:06:38,733 --> 01:06:40,866
[office phone ringing][no audible dialogue]
1588
01:06:40,866 --> 01:06:42,389
So that'’s it.
1589
01:06:42,389 --> 01:06:44,348
I know everybody wants
to be an Internet detective,
1590
01:06:44,348 --> 01:06:47,612
but I'’m telling you,
something feels very off here.
1591
01:06:47,612 --> 01:06:50,528
That evidence, it'’s very,
very circumstantial.
1592
01:06:50,528 --> 01:06:52,269
[sighing]
1593
01:06:52,269 --> 01:06:55,011
I know. I know. But I have
this feeling, all right?
1594
01:06:55,011 --> 01:06:57,361
And I can'’t do nothing.
I mean, what if this guy
kills again
1595
01:06:57,361 --> 01:06:59,363
and we could have stopped it?
1596
01:06:59,363 --> 01:07:02,061
Okay, well,
aside from your "feelings,"
1597
01:07:02,061 --> 01:07:03,845
what else do we have?
1598
01:07:03,845 --> 01:07:06,892
What else? Um, I mean, I'’ve
never seen him drink rosé.
1599
01:07:06,892 --> 01:07:09,155
He does have
all his fingertips.
1600
01:07:09,155 --> 01:07:10,678
But like I said,
1601
01:07:10,678 --> 01:07:13,116
he'’s really, really
interested in forensics.
1602
01:07:13,116 --> 01:07:15,205
Stop! Stop listening
to that podcast.
1603
01:07:15,205 --> 01:07:17,033
- Why?
- Dear Lord. It'’s bullshit.
1604
01:07:17,033 --> 01:07:18,991
Okay, well, the podcast
never cheated on me,
1605
01:07:18,991 --> 01:07:20,558
multiple times, so...
1606
01:07:22,864 --> 01:07:24,344
Uh, yeah, like,
1607
01:07:24,344 --> 01:07:26,651
um, there were a few
wine bottles in the beginning,
1608
01:07:26,651 --> 01:07:28,435
but that'’s because people
getting ready for dates,
1609
01:07:28,435 --> 01:07:30,394
- sometimes, they drink wine.
- Not everybody.
1610
01:07:30,394 --> 01:07:32,265
And the print, it was smudged
and inconclusive,
1611
01:07:32,265 --> 01:07:34,093
not the result of some,
like, mangled finger.
1612
01:07:34,093 --> 01:07:35,486
Okay, all right.
Well, tell me,
1613
01:07:35,486 --> 01:07:37,879
what are the actual clues?
1614
01:07:37,879 --> 01:07:40,969
All right, shoes,
the men'’s size ten,
that'’s a real clue.
1615
01:07:40,969 --> 01:07:43,059
And Tara wasn'’t
the only one missing a shoe.
1616
01:07:43,059 --> 01:07:44,712
All the victims were found
wearing only one.
1617
01:07:44,712 --> 01:07:47,106
A high heel in every case,
a stiletto in a couple cases.
1618
01:07:47,106 --> 01:07:49,413
We think the killer
is keeping them as, like,
1619
01:07:49,413 --> 01:07:51,893
a trophy or something, but
we didn'’t make that public.
1620
01:07:52,938 --> 01:07:54,244
Mainly because
of that stupid podcast.
1621
01:07:54,244 --> 01:07:56,115
Okay, stop. Jake, stop talking.
1622
01:07:56,115 --> 01:07:57,943
All right, you gotta
go there right now
and search his house.
1623
01:07:57,943 --> 01:08:00,119
- I saw a shoe, a woman'’s shoe.
- A woman'’s shoe?
1624
01:08:00,119 --> 01:08:02,121
A woman'’s shoe,
- a black stiletto.
- Black stiletto?
1625
01:08:02,121 --> 01:08:04,036
And I don'’t know,
he'’s probably got more
hidden somewhere,
1626
01:08:04,036 --> 01:08:06,082
like in his closet or, like,
in the basement or something.
1627
01:08:06,082 --> 01:08:08,127
- Sit, sit.
- Okay.
1628
01:08:08,127 --> 01:08:10,390
I just sat down
because I wanted to,
not because you told me to.
1629
01:08:10,390 --> 01:08:12,175
They don'’t give away
search warrants
1630
01:08:12,175 --> 01:08:14,394
just because my ex-girlfriend
saw a shoe at a guy'’s house.
1631
01:08:14,394 --> 01:08:17,745
I have to prove
that it was actually linked
to one of the victims.
1632
01:08:17,745 --> 01:08:20,618
You know, we did find
a small amount of DNA
at one of the scenes,
1633
01:08:20,618 --> 01:08:23,447
but we put it in the database,
it came back negative.
1634
01:08:23,447 --> 01:08:26,102
You don'’t happen to have
any of his DNA, do you?
1635
01:08:26,102 --> 01:08:27,407
No, I haven'’t
slept with him yet.
1636
01:08:27,407 --> 01:08:28,713
Hey, I don'’t want
to hear you
1637
01:08:28,713 --> 01:08:30,149
talk about other guys
like that.
1638
01:08:30,149 --> 01:08:32,369
Again, Jake, you'’re engaged.
1639
01:08:34,501 --> 01:08:37,025
It still stings, okay?
1640
01:08:39,289 --> 01:08:40,290
No.
1641
01:08:40,290 --> 01:08:41,465
- No, I got it.
- No, no, no.
1642
01:08:41,465 --> 01:08:43,249
No, I got-- I got it, really.
1643
01:08:43,249 --> 01:08:45,773
No, you should not be going
and finding any DNA right now.
1644
01:08:45,773 --> 01:08:47,471
It would be
ridiculously risky.
1645
01:08:47,471 --> 01:08:49,212
Well, you know,
the great thing
about being broken up
1646
01:08:49,212 --> 01:08:51,214
is that I don'’t have to listen
to what you think I should
1647
01:08:51,214 --> 01:08:52,824
and shouldn'’t do anymore.
1648
01:08:54,042 --> 01:08:55,653
Goodbye, Winnie.
1649
01:08:55,653 --> 01:08:57,437
I was saying that as a cop,
not as your ex-boyfriend.
1650
01:08:57,437 --> 01:08:58,960
[door closing]
1651
01:09:00,136 --> 01:09:01,137
Crazy.
1652
01:09:04,705 --> 01:09:06,316
- Surprise!
- Jesus Christ!
1653
01:09:06,316 --> 01:09:07,969
Oh, my God, Mitch.
1654
01:09:07,969 --> 01:09:09,449
You scared the shit out of me!
1655
01:09:09,449 --> 01:09:12,713
[sighing] Hi.
What are you doing here?
1656
01:09:12,713 --> 01:09:14,628
Well, you haven'’t
returned my calls or texts.
1657
01:09:14,628 --> 01:09:15,934
Uh... You completely ghosted me
1658
01:09:15,934 --> 01:09:17,457
after you stormed out
the other night.
1659
01:09:17,457 --> 01:09:18,980
I know, I'’ve just been
really busy, but I do--
1660
01:09:18,980 --> 01:09:20,373
[gasping]
1661
01:09:20,373 --> 01:09:23,985
Okay. Oh, no.
Are you crying?
1662
01:09:23,985 --> 01:09:25,596
This keeps happening to me.
1663
01:09:25,596 --> 01:09:28,251
- I try to be the cool guy.
- Uh-huh.
1664
01:09:28,251 --> 01:09:31,210
But deep down, I-- I really
have feelings for you.
1665
01:09:31,210 --> 01:09:33,821
Oh, no, you don'’t know me
that well yet.
1666
01:09:33,821 --> 01:09:36,259
I'’m just gonna be
brutally honest with you,
all right?
1667
01:09:36,259 --> 01:09:38,435
I left the other night
because I thought you might be
1668
01:09:38,435 --> 01:09:40,393
the Swipe Right Killer,
which now I know you are not,
1669
01:09:40,393 --> 01:09:42,395
because another guy
I'’m dating actually is.
1670
01:09:42,395 --> 01:09:45,006
But I did like having sex
with you, like, a lot.
1671
01:09:45,006 --> 01:09:46,791
Whoa. And you are
very, very hot.
1672
01:09:46,791 --> 01:09:49,054
And it'’s-- it's been really
good for my self-esteem.
1673
01:09:49,054 --> 01:09:50,490
So, thank you for that,
1674
01:09:50,490 --> 01:09:52,318
but I'’m not ready
to be serious with you.
1675
01:09:53,363 --> 01:09:55,147
Okay, well...
1676
01:09:55,147 --> 01:09:57,802
maybe once I heal from this,
we can have sex again?
1677
01:09:57,802 --> 01:09:59,630
Oh, fuck yeah. Yeah. Later.
1678
01:10:00,892 --> 01:10:02,328
Uh...
1679
01:10:11,946 --> 01:10:13,513
[exhaling sharply]
1680
01:10:20,694 --> 01:10:22,218
You can do this.
[exhaling sharply]
1681
01:10:22,218 --> 01:10:24,176
Okay. [exhaling sharply]
1682
01:10:31,401 --> 01:10:32,837
- [Norman] Eva! Hey.
- Hey!
1683
01:10:32,837 --> 01:10:34,795
Uh, what are you doing here?
1684
01:10:34,795 --> 01:10:37,755
Yeah, I'’m sorry
to just show up unannounced,
1685
01:10:37,755 --> 01:10:41,324
but I think I left one of my
favorite pearl earrings here,
so I just--
1686
01:10:41,324 --> 01:10:44,805
No, look, actually,
I'’m really glad to see you.
1687
01:10:44,805 --> 01:10:46,590
I really wanted to apologize
for last night.
1688
01:10:46,590 --> 01:10:48,418
Oh, please, no.
Don'’t even worry about--
1689
01:10:48,418 --> 01:10:50,115
No, no. Please.
I really wanna talk about it.
1690
01:10:50,115 --> 01:10:52,378
I know. I do too, but I--
I can'’t focus on anything
1691
01:10:52,378 --> 01:10:54,293
until I just-- You know,
I really love this earring.
1692
01:10:54,293 --> 01:10:56,034
It was my
great-great-grandmother'’s.
So, just--
1693
01:10:56,034 --> 01:10:57,514
It'’s gonna take--
super quick.
1694
01:10:57,514 --> 01:10:59,429
- Uh, okay, sure.
- Two minutes.
1695
01:11:03,781 --> 01:11:06,218
[breathing heavily] Yes.
1696
01:11:09,221 --> 01:11:11,658
Okay. All right.
1697
01:11:11,658 --> 01:11:14,748
If I were DNA, where would I be?
1698
01:11:16,881 --> 01:11:17,925
[lock clicking]
1699
01:11:17,925 --> 01:11:20,058
[tense music playing]
1700
01:11:21,059 --> 01:11:22,103
Fuck.
1701
01:11:29,633 --> 01:11:30,677
Eva.[gasping]
1702
01:11:30,677 --> 01:11:32,288
- Yeah.
- Hey.
1703
01:11:32,288 --> 01:11:35,116
Hey. God, you know,
it'’s so weird.
1704
01:11:35,116 --> 01:11:36,988
I could have sworn
that I had it here.
1705
01:11:36,988 --> 01:11:39,643
It'’s a family heirloom.
It'’s really important
1706
01:11:39,643 --> 01:11:42,385
- that I find it.
- Could we maybe, uh,
take a beat here?
1707
01:11:44,300 --> 01:11:45,301
Please.
1708
01:11:46,432 --> 01:11:47,433
Yeah.
1709
01:11:48,695 --> 01:11:49,914
Sure, we can.
[chuckles]
1710
01:11:49,914 --> 01:11:51,002
Okay.
1711
01:11:51,611 --> 01:11:52,917
You mean, like...
1712
01:11:53,744 --> 01:11:55,136
like this kind of beat?
1713
01:11:55,136 --> 01:11:57,008
Wow. Well, that wasn'’t
exactly what I--
1714
01:11:58,575 --> 01:12:00,577
Oh! Are the fingernails
negotiable?
1715
01:12:00,577 --> 01:12:01,491
Sorry.
1716
01:12:01,491 --> 01:12:02,579
But not really,
1717
01:12:02,579 --> 01:12:04,189
you know, I just, um...
1718
01:12:04,189 --> 01:12:06,017
God, I'’ve really been
thinking about you lately.
1719
01:12:08,367 --> 01:12:09,368
[Norman] Careful.
1720
01:12:09,368 --> 01:12:11,631
Oh, my God! There it is.
1721
01:12:11,631 --> 01:12:14,939
Are you kidding me? [sighing]
1722
01:12:14,939 --> 01:12:17,811
This is really a relief.
This is good. [chuckling]
1723
01:12:17,811 --> 01:12:20,597
You know, I would love
to continue this later,
1724
01:12:20,597 --> 01:12:21,946
but I just gotta
call my sister
1725
01:12:21,946 --> 01:12:23,600
and let her know
that I found it.
1726
01:12:25,384 --> 01:12:26,385
[Norman] Eva!
1727
01:12:28,474 --> 01:12:30,520
Are you kidding me? Come on!
1728
01:12:32,130 --> 01:12:33,174
Okay.
1729
01:12:33,174 --> 01:12:34,480
I did it.
1730
01:12:35,394 --> 01:12:36,613
Holy shit, I did it.
1731
01:12:37,918 --> 01:12:39,137
Okay...
1732
01:12:41,531 --> 01:12:43,576
Hair... check.
1733
01:12:44,447 --> 01:12:45,448
Okay.
1734
01:12:46,013 --> 01:12:47,058
Okay.
1735
01:12:48,973 --> 01:12:50,322
Oh, God, that'’s gross.
1736
01:12:51,149 --> 01:12:53,281
Skin... motherfucking check.
1737
01:12:53,978 --> 01:12:55,022
All right.
1738
01:12:56,328 --> 01:12:58,199
[exhaling sharply] Okay.
1739
01:13:00,854 --> 01:13:01,855
Boom!
1740
01:13:02,465 --> 01:13:03,814
Evidence!
1741
01:13:03,814 --> 01:13:06,120
Oh, you are not--
1742
01:13:06,120 --> 01:13:09,297
Jake, your ex-girlfriend
is here.
1743
01:13:09,297 --> 01:13:11,996
Yeah, well, you know I have
a name, right? It'’s Eva.
1744
01:13:14,215 --> 01:13:15,739
Boom!
1745
01:13:15,739 --> 01:13:17,523
- Evidence!
- Wow!
1746
01:13:17,523 --> 01:13:19,569
I bet you had no problem
getting DNA in that outfit.
1747
01:13:19,569 --> 01:13:21,222
Oh, you are foul.
1748
01:13:21,222 --> 01:13:23,355
Just take the samples and do
whatever you do with them.
1749
01:13:23,355 --> 01:13:25,444
Yeah, okay,
I'’ll get them to the lab.
1750
01:13:25,444 --> 01:13:27,403
You said this guy installed
your security system, yeah?
1751
01:13:27,403 --> 01:13:29,274
- Yeah.
- Well, you shouldn'’t
go home.
1752
01:13:29,274 --> 01:13:32,016
I mean,
if you wanted to be safe,
you shoulda just came to me.
1753
01:13:32,016 --> 01:13:33,539
I would'’ve told you
to go with ADT.
1754
01:13:33,539 --> 01:13:36,412
How about just saying,
"Nice work, Eva.
1755
01:13:36,412 --> 01:13:38,675
Thanks for cleaning up
the streets, Eva.
1756
01:13:38,675 --> 01:13:40,981
Thanks for catching
a predator, Eva."
1757
01:13:40,981 --> 01:13:43,506
Okay, how about, uh,
do you have anywhere else
to stay, Eva?
1758
01:13:43,506 --> 01:13:44,811
- Yes.
- Do you?
1759
01:13:44,811 --> 01:13:47,597
I do, in fact.
I got many options.
1760
01:13:47,597 --> 01:13:49,642
So, don'’t worry about it.
Many options!
1761
01:13:50,338 --> 01:13:51,601
Moron.
1762
01:13:51,601 --> 01:13:52,906
Many options.
1763
01:13:53,516 --> 01:13:55,431
Well, that sucks.
1764
01:13:56,301 --> 01:13:57,563
[sighing] Okay.
1765
01:13:58,782 --> 01:14:00,131
[TV playing kids'’ show,
children giggling]
1766
01:14:00,131 --> 01:14:02,133
[phone vibrating]
1767
01:14:02,133 --> 01:14:05,789
♪ Down came the rain
And washed the spider out ♪
1768
01:14:05,789 --> 01:14:09,053
♪ Out came the sun
And dried up all the rain ♪
1769
01:14:09,053 --> 01:14:11,272
[Valerie on recording]
Hey, it'’s Val. I'm so tired.
1770
01:14:11,272 --> 01:14:12,360
You know what to do.
1771
01:14:12,360 --> 01:14:13,884
Goddamn it, Valerie!
1772
01:14:14,972 --> 01:14:17,061
- Okay.
- [phone line ringing]
1773
01:14:17,061 --> 01:14:18,845
[Kelly on recording]
Hi. This is Kelly from--
1774
01:14:18,845 --> 01:14:21,152
- You kidding me?
Where is everybody?
- [phone line ringing]
1775
01:14:21,152 --> 01:14:23,067
[Robin on recording]
Hey, it'’s Robin.
1776
01:14:23,067 --> 01:14:25,373
I'’m not answering because
I'’m out here, living life.
1777
01:14:25,373 --> 01:14:26,505
Okay.
1778
01:14:26,505 --> 01:14:28,768
- [sighing]
- [phone line ringing]
1779
01:14:28,768 --> 01:14:30,596
[Anthony on recording]
Hey, it'’s Anthony.
I'’m not here right now.
1780
01:14:30,596 --> 01:14:33,643
Leave a message. Bye!
1781
01:14:38,299 --> 01:14:39,692
- Aah!
- Whoa.
1782
01:14:39,692 --> 01:14:42,042
Oh, people have got
to stop sneaking up on me.
1783
01:14:42,042 --> 01:14:44,523
- Do not come any closer.
- No, I just want to talk.
1784
01:14:44,523 --> 01:14:47,004
Get away from me.
No, get away from me.
1785
01:14:47,004 --> 01:14:49,789
No, get away from me.
I will call the cops.
1786
01:14:49,789 --> 01:14:51,225
- Are you serious right now?
- Sheryl!
1787
01:14:51,225 --> 01:14:53,140
This man is really
dangerous. Go! Go!
1788
01:14:53,140 --> 01:14:54,794
- Okay! I'’m going, I'm going.
- Go!
1789
01:14:57,231 --> 01:14:59,495
Thank you, Sheryl.
I'’ll see you at book club.
1790
01:15:00,670 --> 01:15:01,845
Holy shit.
1791
01:15:02,846 --> 01:15:05,501
♪ I love all the colors ♪
1792
01:15:05,501 --> 01:15:07,024
♪ Don'’t you love them, too? ♪
1793
01:15:07,024 --> 01:15:08,504
[phone vibrating]
1794
01:15:08,504 --> 01:15:12,029
♪ They make the world
So pretty ♪
1795
01:15:12,029 --> 01:15:14,118
[Valerie on recording]
Hey, it'’s Val. I'm so tired.
1796
01:15:14,118 --> 01:15:15,511
You know what to do.
1797
01:15:15,511 --> 01:15:17,469
Valerie, are you kidding me?
1798
01:15:17,469 --> 01:15:19,340
How is this the one time
that you don'’t pick up
my phone call?
1799
01:15:19,340 --> 01:15:21,081
Okay, I just got home,
and Norman showed up,
1800
01:15:21,081 --> 01:15:22,648
and I'’m really fucking
freaked out right now
1801
01:15:22,648 --> 01:15:24,302
because he knows
all of my security info,
1802
01:15:24,302 --> 01:15:25,695
and I need somewhere safe
to stay.
1803
01:15:25,695 --> 01:15:28,393
So please, please
call me back, okay? Okay.
1804
01:15:31,744 --> 01:15:33,224
Oh, my God.
1805
01:15:33,224 --> 01:15:35,574
Okay. Well, last resort time.
1806
01:15:36,619 --> 01:15:37,968
[Kyle] Eva, hi. Hey.
1807
01:15:37,968 --> 01:15:39,535
Kyle. I--
Did the phone even ring?
1808
01:15:39,535 --> 01:15:42,494
Hi. Um, listen, I have
a really huge favor to ask.
1809
01:15:42,494 --> 01:15:43,974
Can I come over?
1810
01:15:43,974 --> 01:15:45,889
[Kyle] Yeah, of course. All right, thank you.
1811
01:15:45,889 --> 01:15:48,195
I will see you soon.
Can you just--
Can you text me your address?
1812
01:15:48,195 --> 01:15:49,762
[Kyle] Of course, yeah. Amazing.
1813
01:15:52,635 --> 01:15:54,854
Thank you so much again
for letting me come over.
1814
01:15:54,854 --> 01:15:57,683
It'’s really nice of you.
I don'’t know where anyone is.
1815
01:15:57,683 --> 01:16:00,120
[stammering]
Kelly or my sister should
1816
01:16:00,120 --> 01:16:01,600
be calling back any second.
1817
01:16:01,600 --> 01:16:03,428
Of course, yeah. No worries.
1818
01:16:05,299 --> 01:16:06,431
Hey, where'’s Stewart?
1819
01:16:06,431 --> 01:16:07,563
Who?
1820
01:16:08,651 --> 01:16:10,653
- Your dog?
- Oh, yeah!
1821
01:16:10,653 --> 01:16:13,307
He'’s, uh, locked in
the guest room.
1822
01:16:13,307 --> 01:16:16,049
- Oh.
- Well, it'’s like
crate training for him,
1823
01:16:16,049 --> 01:16:18,574
except, uh, just, like,
a nice big crate
1824
01:16:18,574 --> 01:16:19,836
with a bed in it and stuff.
1825
01:16:19,836 --> 01:16:21,446
- He loves it in there.
- Really?
1826
01:16:21,446 --> 01:16:24,014
Yeah. But anyways, you were
saying that Norman guy,
1827
01:16:24,014 --> 01:16:25,755
you think he'’s
the Swipe Right Killer?
1828
01:16:25,755 --> 01:16:27,321
- Yeah, I think so.
- Geez.
1829
01:16:27,321 --> 01:16:30,324
And, uh, you guys
were dating or...
1830
01:16:31,195 --> 01:16:32,979
I mean, sort of.
Not really.
1831
01:16:33,893 --> 01:16:35,329
I mean... Ugh.
1832
01:16:35,329 --> 01:16:36,940
It is just
a little crazy to me
1833
01:16:36,940 --> 01:16:38,245
that you cut our date short
1834
01:16:38,245 --> 01:16:39,986
because I lost my temper
a little bit,
1835
01:16:39,986 --> 01:16:41,814
but you-- you didn'’t notice
any red flags
1836
01:16:41,814 --> 01:16:42,989
with a guy who is a murderer?
1837
01:16:44,600 --> 01:16:47,341
Um, look, I'’m--
Hey, I am so sorry.
1838
01:16:47,341 --> 01:16:49,605
No, that was rude of me.
1839
01:16:50,736 --> 01:16:52,999
You'’ve had a really hard day
and, uh...
1840
01:16:52,999 --> 01:16:56,176
If you wanna, I don'’t know,
take a bath or something?
1841
01:16:56,176 --> 01:16:57,613
I mean, I could
order us some food.
1842
01:16:57,613 --> 01:16:59,049
I have actually
been wanting to take a bath
1843
01:16:59,049 --> 01:17:00,137
for a really long time.
1844
01:17:02,661 --> 01:17:04,358
I don'’t have a tub
at my place.
1845
01:17:04,358 --> 01:17:06,360
Oh. Oh, okay.
Yeah, makes sense.
1846
01:17:06,360 --> 01:17:08,624
- It'’s just upstairs?
- Yeah, the bathroom'’s
just upstairs,
1847
01:17:08,624 --> 01:17:10,277
and there'’s a nice,
cozy bathrobe for you...
1848
01:17:10,277 --> 01:17:11,844
Oh, great....you can put on.
1849
01:17:11,844 --> 01:17:13,846
Just make yourself at home.
1850
01:17:13,846 --> 01:17:16,109
Mi casa es su casa.
1851
01:17:16,109 --> 01:17:17,197
Right?
1852
01:17:17,197 --> 01:17:18,329
Yeah.
1853
01:17:24,422 --> 01:17:25,466
Mmm.
1854
01:17:27,033 --> 01:17:28,644
[tense music playing]
1855
01:17:55,235 --> 01:17:56,454
[sighing]
1856
01:18:02,939 --> 01:18:05,506
[phone vibrating]
1857
01:18:05,506 --> 01:18:07,987
Oh, yes.
1858
01:18:11,295 --> 01:18:12,296
Oh.
1859
01:18:18,955 --> 01:18:20,608
Antipsychotics?
1860
01:18:21,784 --> 01:18:24,221
Nope, antihistamines.
1861
01:18:24,221 --> 01:18:26,353
Mmm, that tracks.
He does seem like a guy
1862
01:18:26,353 --> 01:18:27,790
with a lot of allergies.
1863
01:18:27,790 --> 01:18:30,706
[phone vibrating]
1864
01:18:31,358 --> 01:18:32,490
[taps squeaking]
1865
01:18:33,883 --> 01:18:35,667
[sighing contentedly]
1866
01:18:36,799 --> 01:18:38,496
I'’ve got to get one of these.
1867
01:18:40,411 --> 01:18:41,891
[phone vibrating]
1868
01:18:41,891 --> 01:18:43,762
[vibrating]
1869
01:18:46,983 --> 01:18:48,811
- Valerie?
- Oh, thank God you picked up!
1870
01:18:48,811 --> 01:18:51,509
I left you and Eva like
a thousand voicemails.
1871
01:18:51,509 --> 01:18:52,815
Oh, sorry, I was just, uh--
1872
01:18:52,815 --> 01:18:54,817
- I think Eva is in trouble.
- What?
1873
01:18:54,817 --> 01:18:56,470
Kyle isn'’t who he says he is,
1874
01:18:56,470 --> 01:18:58,646
and she is with him right now.
1875
01:18:58,646 --> 01:19:01,040
She'’s not picking up,
so I left her a voicemail.
1876
01:19:01,040 --> 01:19:04,043
But I haven'’t
looked up Kyle before
because we knew him, right?
1877
01:19:04,043 --> 01:19:08,656
Well, Kyle is actually married
to a woman who is alive.
1878
01:19:08,656 --> 01:19:11,485
The veterinarian
is his wife'’s brother,
1879
01:19:11,485 --> 01:19:13,313
who is traveling all summer.
1880
01:19:13,313 --> 01:19:17,317
Kyle is a freaking pet-sitter,
and he has a record.
1881
01:19:17,317 --> 01:19:18,797
Multiple assault charges.
1882
01:19:18,797 --> 01:19:21,060
And, Eva, he arrived in town
1883
01:19:21,060 --> 01:19:23,846
two days before
the first Swipe Right kill.
1884
01:19:23,846 --> 01:19:27,110
We were wrong about Norman.
Kyle is the killer!
1885
01:19:27,110 --> 01:19:28,851
You'’ve got to get out!
1886
01:19:28,851 --> 01:19:30,591
- I see you'’ve borrowed
my favorite shirt.
- Oh, shit!
1887
01:19:30,591 --> 01:19:33,638
Aah! [chuckling]
1888
01:19:33,638 --> 01:19:34,857
[chuckling nervously]
1889
01:19:34,857 --> 01:19:36,597
Making yourself
right at home, hmm?
1890
01:19:36,597 --> 01:19:37,903
Yeah. Can I have my phone?
1891
01:19:37,903 --> 01:19:39,818
No. I don'’t think so.
1892
01:19:39,818 --> 01:19:42,386
I think it'’s only fair that,
if you have something of mine,
1893
01:19:42,386 --> 01:19:43,691
I get something of yours, right?
1894
01:19:43,691 --> 01:19:45,258
Unless you want to
take that shirt off.
1895
01:19:45,258 --> 01:19:46,390
Oh, gross.
1896
01:19:46,390 --> 01:19:48,609
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Whoa, whoa.
1897
01:19:48,609 --> 01:19:50,133
[chuckling] You know what?
1898
01:19:50,133 --> 01:19:52,265
I really don'’t
understand you, Eva.
1899
01:19:52,265 --> 01:19:53,876
I thought
you were different,
1900
01:19:53,876 --> 01:19:55,921
but you'’re just like
the rest of the girls, okay?
1901
01:19:55,921 --> 01:19:58,445
You never go
for the nice guys. Me.
1902
01:19:58,445 --> 01:19:59,838
I'’m the nice guy.
1903
01:19:59,838 --> 01:20:01,666
I'’m literally
the nicest guy, in fact.
1904
01:20:02,754 --> 01:20:05,278
I mean, fuck me,
I waxed my chest for you!
1905
01:20:05,278 --> 01:20:07,237
I mean, not really. That'’s
just part of your chest.
1906
01:20:07,237 --> 01:20:09,065
Oh, my God! You have
any idea how much this hurt?
1907
01:20:09,065 --> 01:20:10,849
- Yeah. I do, actually.
- Yeah!
1908
01:20:10,849 --> 01:20:12,024
Girls do it all the time.
1909
01:20:12,024 --> 01:20:13,286
- Let me leave the room!
- Yeah, well,
1910
01:20:13,286 --> 01:20:14,853
it'’s not about you
right now.
1911
01:20:14,853 --> 01:20:17,725
It'’s about Kyle right now!
It'’s Kyle time!
1912
01:20:18,596 --> 01:20:19,902
I did all of this for you,
1913
01:20:19,902 --> 01:20:22,948
and you just insist on
pushing me away!
1914
01:20:22,948 --> 01:20:24,471
Why is that, huh?
1915
01:20:24,471 --> 01:20:25,821
Kyle, I...
1916
01:20:25,821 --> 01:20:27,344
You know,
the nice thing to do
1917
01:20:27,344 --> 01:20:29,694
would actually be to let me
leave the room, so...
1918
01:20:29,694 --> 01:20:32,001
Oh, my God.
Now you want a nice guy?
1919
01:20:32,001 --> 01:20:33,219
That'’s hilarious.
1920
01:20:34,568 --> 01:20:37,745
Sadly, I'’m done being
a nice guy. You know why?
1921
01:20:37,745 --> 01:20:40,400
Because I realize nice guys
don'’t get what they want,
1922
01:20:40,400 --> 01:20:42,533
and what I want right now
is simple.
1923
01:20:42,533 --> 01:20:44,100
I want-- Oh!
1924
01:20:44,100 --> 01:20:45,275
[Eva] Idiot!
1925
01:20:46,145 --> 01:20:47,190
[groaning]
1926
01:20:49,409 --> 01:20:50,584
[Kyle growling]
1927
01:20:55,938 --> 01:20:56,939
No!
1928
01:20:56,939 --> 01:20:58,984
[growling] Oh!
1929
01:21:00,159 --> 01:21:02,553
[roaring]
You already did that!
1930
01:21:02,553 --> 01:21:03,684
It'’s redundant!
1931
01:21:03,684 --> 01:21:04,990
- Get off of me!
- No!
1932
01:21:04,990 --> 01:21:06,383
You'’re all the same.
1933
01:21:06,383 --> 01:21:08,211
Every single one
of you girls.
1934
01:21:08,211 --> 01:21:10,430
You just toy and you toy!
1935
01:21:10,430 --> 01:21:12,128
I didn'’t toy with you!
1936
01:21:12,128 --> 01:21:14,565
I just didn'’t sleep with you,
you fucking psychopath!
1937
01:21:14,565 --> 01:21:17,481
I don'’t deserve
to die for that!
None of those girls did!
1938
01:21:18,874 --> 01:21:19,962
What girls are you--
1939
01:21:19,962 --> 01:21:21,224
[grunting]
1940
01:21:21,224 --> 01:21:22,268
Ow!
1941
01:21:22,268 --> 01:21:23,617
[breathing heavily]
1942
01:21:26,011 --> 01:21:27,534
[groaning]
1943
01:21:27,534 --> 01:21:28,535
Ow...
1944
01:21:28,535 --> 01:21:32,539
[breathing heavily]
1945
01:21:32,539 --> 01:21:33,976
Kelly!
1946
01:21:33,976 --> 01:21:35,934
You'’re okay! You're okay!
1947
01:21:37,414 --> 01:21:39,416
[breathing heavily]
You saved my life.
1948
01:21:39,416 --> 01:21:41,592
Yeah!
[laughing hysterically]
1949
01:21:42,767 --> 01:21:44,987
[Kelly] Shit. Get the knife!
Pull it out!
1950
01:21:44,987 --> 01:21:46,423
What do you mean?
Pull what out?
1951
01:21:46,423 --> 01:21:47,772
Get it out before he does!
1952
01:21:47,772 --> 01:21:49,295
No, Kelly. I don'’t want to!
1953
01:21:49,295 --> 01:21:50,775
You have to! Be brave!
1954
01:21:50,775 --> 01:21:52,037
You have to!
He'’s gonna stab us!
1955
01:21:52,037 --> 01:21:53,996
- Okay, okay!
- Pull it out!
1956
01:21:53,996 --> 01:21:55,301
- With what?
- Now! Pull it out!
1957
01:21:55,301 --> 01:21:57,956
- [squelching]
- [Kyle groaning]
1958
01:21:57,956 --> 01:22:00,611
Oh, God!
This is really gross!
1959
01:22:00,611 --> 01:22:02,439
[knife clattering]
Didn'’t you want to be
a nurse?
1960
01:22:03,179 --> 01:22:04,354
I do hate blood.
1961
01:22:04,354 --> 01:22:06,704
Oh, goddamn it!
Jake was right!
1962
01:22:06,704 --> 01:22:08,314
Jake! We gotta
call the police.
1963
01:22:08,314 --> 01:22:10,229
Okay, let'’s get you
out of here. You'’re safe.
1964
01:22:10,229 --> 01:22:12,710
You'’re safe! Let's go!
You'’re okay. You're okay.
1965
01:22:24,330 --> 01:22:27,420
- I can'’t look at it anymore.
- Okay, here.
1966
01:22:27,420 --> 01:22:29,118
Ugh.
1967
01:22:29,118 --> 01:22:30,771
Okay, look.
1968
01:22:30,771 --> 01:22:32,556
- I'’m going to take care
of all of this.
- Okay.
1969
01:22:32,556 --> 01:22:34,732
But your fingerprints
are everywhere inside.
1970
01:22:34,732 --> 01:22:36,734
So I'’m going to clean up,
call the police,
1971
01:22:36,734 --> 01:22:39,041
and just make sure that they
know this was self-defense.
1972
01:22:39,041 --> 01:22:40,346
You killed
the Swipe Right Killer.
1973
01:22:40,346 --> 01:22:41,652
Of course
it was self-defense, Kelly.
1974
01:22:41,652 --> 01:22:42,958
Exactly.
1975
01:22:44,046 --> 01:22:45,351
Okay, stay here.
1976
01:22:45,961 --> 01:22:47,049
[Eva] Thank you.
1977
01:23:01,237 --> 01:23:02,281
[phone chiming]
1978
01:23:07,939 --> 01:23:08,940
[phone chiming]
1979
01:23:12,248 --> 01:23:13,292
[phone chiming]
1980
01:23:21,474 --> 01:23:22,954
What?
1981
01:23:22,954 --> 01:23:23,999
[phone chiming]
1982
01:23:29,700 --> 01:23:31,310
Who are all these women?
1983
01:23:35,923 --> 01:23:39,275
Oh, my God. Why are there so
many fucking phones in here?
1984
01:23:54,986 --> 01:23:56,596
[Kelly straining]
1985
01:24:00,644 --> 01:24:01,906
Hey.
1986
01:24:01,906 --> 01:24:03,386
Hey!
1987
01:24:03,386 --> 01:24:05,214
What are you doing?
1988
01:24:05,953 --> 01:24:07,390
You forgot your phone.
1989
01:24:07,390 --> 01:24:10,088
Oh! Thanks!
1990
01:24:10,088 --> 01:24:13,048
I was just cleaning up before
I was gonna call the police.
1991
01:24:14,527 --> 01:24:15,920
Why do you have that?
1992
01:24:16,790 --> 01:24:19,141
You got a message
1993
01:24:19,141 --> 01:24:22,405
from somebody named Amber
about a date?
1994
01:24:22,405 --> 01:24:23,667
Who is that?
1995
01:24:24,320 --> 01:24:25,408
Yeah.
1996
01:24:26,496 --> 01:24:28,498
Yeah, I think Brad
is cheating on me.
1997
01:24:28,498 --> 01:24:31,457
I'’ve been meaning to tell you
this is his burner phone.
1998
01:24:31,457 --> 01:24:33,459
Kelly, I know you and Brad
are on a break.
1999
01:24:33,459 --> 01:24:35,157
Yeah, but it'’s okay.
2000
01:24:35,157 --> 01:24:38,116
It'’s just like a temporary
thing, so it'’s okay.
2001
01:24:38,116 --> 01:24:39,944
Look. Look what I found, Eva.
2002
01:24:40,553 --> 01:24:42,120
Ferro Caldes.
2003
01:24:42,120 --> 01:24:44,992
In his closet, size ten.
2004
01:24:45,732 --> 01:24:47,169
Well, that'’s really weird
2005
01:24:47,169 --> 01:24:49,606
because I didn'’t see those
upstairs earlier.
2006
01:24:50,389 --> 01:24:53,088
And look, shoes.
2007
01:24:54,872 --> 01:24:56,482
I found these
in his closet too,
2008
01:24:56,482 --> 01:24:58,441
and I bet there'’s more
where they came from!
2009
01:24:58,441 --> 01:25:00,356
Eva, we did it.
2010
01:25:00,356 --> 01:25:03,185
We killed
the Swipe Right Killer.
2011
01:25:03,185 --> 01:25:04,621
Look, technically,
2012
01:25:04,621 --> 01:25:07,058
you killed him
when you pulled the knife out,
2013
01:25:07,058 --> 01:25:08,364
but we did it.
2014
01:25:08,364 --> 01:25:10,583
Kelly, how do you know
about the heels?
2015
01:25:10,583 --> 01:25:13,108
The police haven'’t
told anyone about the heels.
2016
01:25:14,283 --> 01:25:15,936
You don'’t believe me?
2017
01:25:16,676 --> 01:25:18,156
Are you calling me a liar?
2018
01:25:21,551 --> 01:25:23,553
Kelly, what are you doing?
2019
01:25:25,685 --> 01:25:27,513
Oh, my God,
what have you done?
2020
01:25:27,513 --> 01:25:28,645
What have I done?
2021
01:25:29,994 --> 01:25:31,952
- What have I done?
- Oh! Okay.
2022
01:25:31,952 --> 01:25:34,955
I have saved
a bunch of marriages.
2023
01:25:34,955 --> 01:25:37,741
- What?
- I had a feeling something
was off with Brad,
2024
01:25:37,741 --> 01:25:39,960
so I went through his phone,
and I found out
2025
01:25:39,960 --> 01:25:41,397
that he was meeting someone.
2026
01:25:41,397 --> 01:25:43,050
I found out where she lived.
2027
01:25:43,050 --> 01:25:44,356
I followed her home,
2028
01:25:44,356 --> 01:25:47,794
and then
I watched them together.
2029
01:25:47,794 --> 01:25:49,796
That lecherous trash
2030
01:25:49,796 --> 01:25:52,669
was trying to steal my husband!
2031
01:25:54,192 --> 01:25:56,238
But I had a pair
of Brad'’s shoes with me,
2032
01:25:56,238 --> 01:25:58,196
just in case
that something happened.
2033
01:25:58,196 --> 01:26:00,807
[stammering]
That sounds premeditated.
2034
01:26:00,807 --> 01:26:01,895
- No.
- Okay.
2035
01:26:01,895 --> 01:26:03,245
No, it wasn'’t.
2036
01:26:03,245 --> 01:26:05,377
I did not want
to leave any footprints,
2037
01:26:05,377 --> 01:26:07,379
in case something happened.
2038
01:26:07,379 --> 01:26:10,034
In case? What? And then,
something did happen?
2039
01:26:10,034 --> 01:26:12,558
Yes! Yes, and she deserved it!
2040
01:26:12,558 --> 01:26:14,256
[Eva] Oh, my God.
2041
01:26:14,256 --> 01:26:18,129
And then Brad, he would pay
for what he did to me.
2042
01:26:18,129 --> 01:26:19,435
I know that serial killers
2043
01:26:19,435 --> 01:26:21,132
sometimes like
to take trophies,
2044
01:26:21,132 --> 01:26:24,004
so I took one of her shoes,
and I was going to plant it
2045
01:26:24,004 --> 01:26:27,182
in his stupid
fucking bachelor pad.
2046
01:26:27,182 --> 01:26:29,749
And then I had
this incredible idea
2047
01:26:29,749 --> 01:26:34,841
that I could save
so many people from this pain!
2048
01:26:36,060 --> 01:26:37,714
I would find these women
2049
01:26:37,714 --> 01:26:40,151
on these cheating
messaging boards,
2050
01:26:40,151 --> 01:26:41,761
and then I would catfish them,
2051
01:26:41,761 --> 01:26:43,415
pretending to be
different married men.
2052
01:26:43,415 --> 01:26:45,287
And then, I got so good
2053
01:26:45,287 --> 01:26:48,159
that I could just identify them
based on the shoes.
2054
01:26:48,159 --> 01:26:51,118
Do you know who wears
stilettos, Eva? Home-wreckers!
2055
01:26:51,118 --> 01:26:54,296
Have you thought
that maybe you are killing
the wrong people?
2056
01:26:54,296 --> 01:26:56,776
Men cheat too, Kelly.
- What the fuck?
- Exactly!
2057
01:26:56,776 --> 01:27:00,040
And I was gonna frame Brad
for all of the murders,
2058
01:27:00,040 --> 01:27:01,433
but then, Eva, he called me,
2059
01:27:01,433 --> 01:27:03,000
and he told me
that he missed me,
2060
01:27:03,000 --> 01:27:04,697
- and he regretted all of it.
- Oh, my God.
2061
01:27:04,697 --> 01:27:06,264
And then I didn'’t know
what to do.
2062
01:27:06,264 --> 01:27:07,918
And then, look.
2063
01:27:07,918 --> 01:27:10,137
Look who fell into my lap,
Eva. Kyle!
2064
01:27:11,182 --> 01:27:12,923
Eva... Eva, I saved you!
2065
01:27:12,923 --> 01:27:14,533
No, no. Kelly, no!
2066
01:27:14,533 --> 01:27:18,624
No! It'’s all perfect now.
Don'’t you see?
2067
01:27:18,624 --> 01:27:21,584
Everybody is gonna think
that Kyle is Swipe Right.
2068
01:27:21,584 --> 01:27:23,368
I'’m gonna burn
the rest of the shoes.
2069
01:27:23,368 --> 01:27:26,371
Brad is gonna come back home
to me, and then it'’s all--
2070
01:27:26,371 --> 01:27:29,244
it'’s all gonna go back
to the way that it was.
2071
01:27:29,244 --> 01:27:31,985
The way that it was?
You'’re fucking insane!
2072
01:27:33,465 --> 01:27:35,685
Eva, it didn'’t have to
- be this way!
- No!
2073
01:27:35,685 --> 01:27:37,861
[grunting]
2074
01:27:37,861 --> 01:27:41,560
We could have been
best friends forever!
2075
01:27:41,560 --> 01:27:45,042
I wanted to be the maid
of honor at your wedding!
2076
01:27:45,042 --> 01:27:46,913
- Your wedding sucked!
- Oh!
2077
01:27:46,913 --> 01:27:49,481
And you looked like shit
in that hideous dress!
2078
01:27:50,917 --> 01:27:53,137
And your spray tan
was streaky!
2079
01:27:53,137 --> 01:27:54,486
Aah!
2080
01:27:54,486 --> 01:27:57,489
[both breathing heavily]
2081
01:27:58,882 --> 01:27:59,970
[sirens wailing]
2082
01:27:59,970 --> 01:28:03,800
Aah! A fucking kitten heel?
2083
01:28:03,800 --> 01:28:05,715
Aah! [breathing heavily]
2084
01:28:05,715 --> 01:28:06,977
Oh, my God.
2085
01:28:10,937 --> 01:28:13,940
[sirens wailing]
2086
01:28:26,257 --> 01:28:28,215
You stabbed the shit
out of her.
2087
01:28:28,215 --> 01:28:29,304
Yeah.
2088
01:28:31,044 --> 01:28:32,655
You really owe it
to your sister.
2089
01:28:32,655 --> 01:28:34,874
If she hadn'’t have called us
when she did, who knows?
2090
01:28:34,874 --> 01:28:37,137
How did she even know
where I was?
2091
01:28:37,137 --> 01:28:39,314
I only texted that address
to Kelly.
2092
01:28:39,314 --> 01:28:41,054
I'’m assuming
she didn'’t share that info.
2093
01:28:41,054 --> 01:28:42,708
Well, apparently,
last time you all went out,
2094
01:28:42,708 --> 01:28:45,320
your sister put a tracking app
on Kelly'’s phone.
2095
01:28:46,451 --> 01:28:47,974
Also, on all
your friends'’ phones.
2096
01:28:47,974 --> 01:28:49,411
And she eventually
tracked down
2097
01:28:49,411 --> 01:28:50,803
his brother-in-law'’s name
and his address,
2098
01:28:50,803 --> 01:28:52,239
and then sent it to us,
like, seven times.
2099
01:28:52,239 --> 01:28:53,676
Geez.
2100
01:28:53,676 --> 01:28:54,938
I think your sister
should'’ve been a cop.
2101
01:28:54,938 --> 01:28:56,374
Yeah.
2102
01:28:58,420 --> 01:28:59,856
[Jake]
I'’m glad you're okay.
2103
01:29:00,987 --> 01:29:02,815
You'’re lucky to be alive.
2104
01:29:03,729 --> 01:29:05,688
She did
a murder monologue.
2105
01:29:05,688 --> 01:29:09,735
Like,
a explain-how-she-did-it-all
monologue.
2106
01:29:09,735 --> 01:29:11,563
It was crazy.
2107
01:29:12,825 --> 01:29:15,175
Hey, so, uh,
for some reason--
2108
01:29:15,175 --> 01:29:16,916
I'’m still trying to
figure it out--
2109
01:29:16,916 --> 01:29:19,397
Uh, Winnie called off
the engagement.
2110
01:29:19,397 --> 01:29:21,181
- Hmm, shocking.
- I know.
2111
01:29:21,181 --> 01:29:22,792
I think it was
from you coming down
2112
01:29:22,792 --> 01:29:24,402
and flirting
with me in the office.
2113
01:29:24,402 --> 01:29:25,577
Oh, give me a break.
2114
01:29:25,577 --> 01:29:26,709
Hey, Winnie.
2115
01:29:30,452 --> 01:29:31,757
Anyway, uh,
2116
01:29:31,757 --> 01:29:33,759
I was thinking maybe
you and me could, uh,
2117
01:29:33,759 --> 01:29:36,066
you know,
- get back together.
- No fucking way, Jake.
2118
01:29:36,066 --> 01:29:37,720
Not even like a
hit-it-and-quit-it situation?
2119
01:29:37,720 --> 01:29:39,461
Nope. No chance.
2120
01:29:40,549 --> 01:29:43,247
Well, in that case...
2121
01:29:48,905 --> 01:29:50,254
I ran the DNA on this.
2122
01:29:50,254 --> 01:29:52,430
Came back clean.
2123
01:29:52,430 --> 01:29:53,953
So, I talked
to that Norman guy.
2124
01:29:53,953 --> 01:29:55,520
You didn'’t.
2125
01:29:55,520 --> 01:29:57,392
- No, no, I did.
- Oh, my God.
2126
01:29:58,523 --> 01:30:00,264
And he seems like
a pretty good dude.
2127
01:30:00,873 --> 01:30:02,222
So...
2128
01:30:03,093 --> 01:30:04,573
I guess you have
my blessing.
2129
01:30:06,705 --> 01:30:08,577
Well, I don'’t need it, but...
2130
01:30:10,535 --> 01:30:11,580
thank you.
2131
01:30:11,580 --> 01:30:13,233
I appreciate that.
2132
01:30:15,932 --> 01:30:17,281
[sighing]
2133
01:30:17,281 --> 01:30:18,587
[Valerie] Eva?
2134
01:30:18,587 --> 01:30:20,458
Oh, I'’m okay.
2135
01:30:20,458 --> 01:30:22,634
There'’s my cue. Hey, Gordy!
2136
01:30:22,634 --> 01:30:23,766
I...Hi.
2137
01:30:23,766 --> 01:30:25,289
...was totally right!
2138
01:30:25,289 --> 01:30:27,030
You were
in terrible danger!
2139
01:30:27,030 --> 01:30:28,988
Yes! Oh, my God.
2140
01:30:28,988 --> 01:30:31,251
Who'’s paranoid now?
Who is paranoid now?
2141
01:30:31,251 --> 01:30:34,429
Okay, has she been--Yep. She'’s been acting
like this the whole way over.
2142
01:30:34,429 --> 01:30:36,779
Hopefully after
she found out I was alive.
2143
01:30:36,779 --> 01:30:37,867
Valerie...
2144
01:30:37,867 --> 01:30:40,043
I love you. Thank you.
2145
01:30:42,437 --> 01:30:43,525
You are welcome.
2146
01:30:45,309 --> 01:30:47,050
I think I really need
to go back to work.
2147
01:30:47,050 --> 01:30:48,660
- Yes.
- Yeah, you really do.
2148
01:30:48,660 --> 01:30:50,749
- [sighing] Hi.
- Are you okay?
2149
01:30:51,402 --> 01:30:52,447
I mean...
2150
01:30:53,535 --> 01:30:55,754
I stabbed my best friend
with a shoe,
2151
01:30:55,754 --> 01:30:58,583
but I'’m alive, so...
2152
01:31:00,063 --> 01:31:02,979
Kelly. Like,
who would have thought?
2153
01:31:02,979 --> 01:31:06,939
Well, I mean, if one of us was
going to be a serial killer,
2154
01:31:06,939 --> 01:31:08,071
I would have picked her.
2155
01:31:08,071 --> 01:31:09,768
- Really?
- Yeah.
2156
01:31:09,768 --> 01:31:11,335
[Robin] I'’d have put my money
on Valerie all the way.
2157
01:31:11,335 --> 01:31:13,424
[Eva] Yeah, me too.[siren wailing]
2158
01:31:25,958 --> 01:31:27,177
[sighing]
2159
01:31:27,177 --> 01:31:28,439
[knocking]
2160
01:31:32,791 --> 01:31:34,227
Hi, Eva.
2161
01:31:34,227 --> 01:31:37,143
Lila, hi. Uh... Oh.
2162
01:31:37,143 --> 01:31:40,364
I just came to give you
your shoe back.
2163
01:31:40,364 --> 01:31:45,108
Um, I also just wanted
to say I'’m really sorry.
2164
01:31:45,108 --> 01:31:46,544
[Norman] Oh...
2165
01:31:46,544 --> 01:31:48,285
Which thing
are you apologizing for?
2166
01:31:49,373 --> 01:31:50,983
When you followed me
to Lila'’s house
2167
01:31:50,983 --> 01:31:52,811
and barged in there thinking
you'’d find a dead body?
2168
01:31:52,811 --> 01:31:54,378
Or when you stole DNA from me
2169
01:31:54,378 --> 01:31:55,814
and turned it over
to the police?
2170
01:31:55,814 --> 01:31:57,381
I'’m going to give you guys
a minute.
2171
01:31:57,381 --> 01:31:59,775
- Good luck.
- Thanks.
2172
01:32:01,472 --> 01:32:04,823
Both. All of that.
Everything.
2173
01:32:05,476 --> 01:32:07,391
I am so sorry.
2174
01:32:07,391 --> 01:32:09,306
I mean, I know
that I jumped to some
2175
01:32:09,306 --> 01:32:11,569
pretty insane conclusions,
even for me,
2176
01:32:11,569 --> 01:32:15,573
and I just think that my
paranoia got the best of me.
2177
01:32:16,879 --> 01:32:18,228
Honestly?
2178
01:32:18,228 --> 01:32:20,273
The alarm installer in me
gets it.
2179
01:32:21,579 --> 01:32:23,581
The forensic student in me
is really disappointed in you.
2180
01:32:23,581 --> 01:32:25,452
Like, none
of that DNA evidence
2181
01:32:25,452 --> 01:32:27,019
would have been admissible
in court.
2182
01:32:28,717 --> 01:32:30,545
Look, I know
that this is crazy,
2183
01:32:30,545 --> 01:32:32,547
but I think I'’ve already
proven I'’m kind of crazy,
2184
01:32:32,547 --> 01:32:34,592
but, like, in a fun way.
Anyway...
2185
01:32:35,462 --> 01:32:36,855
Can we just start over?
2186
01:32:36,855 --> 01:32:38,553
Just wipe the slate clean.
2187
01:32:40,163 --> 01:32:42,208
Maybe go out
on a normal date?
2188
01:32:43,166 --> 01:32:44,341
I don'’t think
anything with you
2189
01:32:44,341 --> 01:32:45,472
is ever going to be normal,
2190
01:32:46,691 --> 01:32:48,911
and I am somehow
very into that.
2191
01:32:48,911 --> 01:32:49,999
[Eva chuckling]
2192
01:32:50,695 --> 01:32:51,914
So, is that a yes?
2193
01:32:52,958 --> 01:32:54,177
Mm-hmm.
2194
01:33:02,098 --> 01:33:04,883
For the record,
I really like
the hair-pulling.
2195
01:33:04,883 --> 01:33:06,624
Oh, good,
because that'’s my specialty.
2196
01:33:06,624 --> 01:33:08,147
Oh, well...[giggling]
2197
01:33:08,147 --> 01:33:12,456
♪ I'’m gonna kill you ♪
2198
01:33:12,456 --> 01:33:15,328
Welcome to our very special
live kickoff episode
2199
01:33:15,328 --> 01:33:17,461
of our third season of...
2200
01:33:17,461 --> 01:33:19,985
[both] Mark My Murder.
2201
01:33:19,985 --> 01:33:22,118
We are snuffing out
the other podcasts.
2202
01:33:22,118 --> 01:33:23,598
Yeah, we are.
We'’re killing them.
2203
01:33:23,598 --> 01:33:26,165
You two are slaying,
if I do say so myself.
2204
01:33:26,165 --> 01:33:29,560
Oh, look who'’s here in the
studio, slinging puns with us.
2205
01:33:29,560 --> 01:33:31,910
Yes. Boulder, Colorado'’s finest,
2206
01:33:31,910 --> 01:33:33,956
New York Times
bestselling author,
2207
01:33:33,956 --> 01:33:36,436
and our show'’s newest copilot,
Eva Vaughn.
2208
01:33:36,436 --> 01:33:39,265
I have to tell you, this is
actually a dream come true,
2209
01:33:39,265 --> 01:33:40,615
and I'’m just so excited to be
2210
01:33:40,615 --> 01:33:42,138
on the case
with the both of you.
2211
01:33:42,138 --> 01:33:44,314
Speaking of case,
don'’t forget to pick up
2212
01:33:44,314 --> 01:33:46,403
Eva'’s newest novel, Girl, Go!,
2213
01:33:46,403 --> 01:33:48,927
available everywhere now.
2214
01:33:48,927 --> 01:33:50,755
Well, you'’ve conquered
true crime writing.
2215
01:33:50,755 --> 01:33:52,888
You'’ve conquered fiction
writing. What'’s next?
2216
01:33:52,888 --> 01:33:54,716
She'’s about to conquer
co-hosting this show.
2217
01:33:54,716 --> 01:33:56,152
I think I already did that.
2218
01:33:56,152 --> 01:33:57,675
Indeed, you have.
2219
01:33:57,675 --> 01:33:59,372
Speaking of the show,
let'’s get it cracking.
2220
01:33:59,372 --> 01:34:01,026
I think we have a call from
one of your fans on the line.
2221
01:34:01,026 --> 01:34:02,549
My fans? Okay. Well, then,
2222
01:34:02,549 --> 01:34:03,855
let'’s not keep them waiting.
Let'’s do it.
2223
01:34:03,855 --> 01:34:05,465
[male podcaster]
Murph, put him through.
2224
01:34:05,465 --> 01:34:06,902
[operator] You'’re receiving
a collect call
2225
01:34:06,902 --> 01:34:08,686
from an inmate at
ADX Supermax Prison,
2226
01:34:08,686 --> 01:34:09,992
Florence, Colorado.
2227
01:34:09,992 --> 01:34:12,037
- Do you accept these charges?
- Kelly?
2228
01:34:13,604 --> 01:34:15,954
Oh, this bitch...
2229
01:34:15,954 --> 01:34:19,392
♪ Oh, we'’ll have our cake
And eat it ♪
2230
01:34:19,392 --> 01:34:22,744
♪ Oh, we'’ll have our cake
And eat it too ♪
2231
01:34:22,744 --> 01:34:26,312
♪ Oh, we'’ll have our cake
And eat it ♪
2232
01:34:26,312 --> 01:34:29,576
♪ Oh, we'’ll have our cake
And eat it too ♪
2233
01:34:29,576 --> 01:34:34,669
♪ Never met a girl like this
Like this ♪
2234
01:34:34,669 --> 01:34:36,540
♪ Like this
This-this-this-this ♪
2235
01:34:36,540 --> 01:34:41,676
♪ Never met a girl like this
Like this ♪
2236
01:34:41,676 --> 01:34:43,286
♪ Like this
This-this-this-this ♪
2237
01:34:43,286 --> 01:34:45,070
♪ Down in Panama
Up to Canada ♪
2238
01:34:45,070 --> 01:34:46,724
♪ Round the world
We la-la-la-la ♪
2239
01:34:46,724 --> 01:34:48,465
♪ Sing our song
We is fixing bongs ♪
2240
01:34:48,465 --> 01:34:50,075
♪ These sticks and stones
And ha-ha-ha-ha ♪
2241
01:34:50,075 --> 01:34:55,341
♪ Laugh them all to the bank
Ha-ha-ha ♪
2242
01:34:55,341 --> 01:34:57,169
♪ Laugh them all to the bank
Like this ♪
2243
01:34:57,169 --> 01:34:58,736
♪ Fill it up, fill it up
Fill it up, fill it up ♪
2244
01:34:58,736 --> 01:35:00,607
♪ Fill it up, fill it up
Fill it up ♪
2245
01:35:00,607 --> 01:35:02,131
♪ Fill it up, fill it up
Fill it up, fill it up ♪
2246
01:35:02,131 --> 01:35:03,959
♪ Fill it up
Ah, keep the change ♪
2247
01:35:03,959 --> 01:35:05,569
♪ Fill it up, fill it up
Fill it up, fill it up ♪
2248
01:35:05,569 --> 01:35:07,397
♪ Fill it up, fill it up
Fill it up ♪
2249
01:35:07,397 --> 01:35:08,920
♪ Fill it up, fill it up
Fill it up, fill it up ♪
2250
01:35:08,920 --> 01:35:10,835
♪ Fill it up
Ah, keep the change ♪
2251
01:35:10,835 --> 01:35:14,230
♪ Oh, we'’ll have our cake
And eat it ♪
2252
01:35:14,230 --> 01:35:17,668
♪ Oh, we'’ll have our cake
And eat it too ♪
2253
01:35:17,668 --> 01:35:21,063
♪ Oh, we'’ll have our cake
And eat it ♪
2254
01:35:21,063 --> 01:35:24,370
♪ Oh, we'’ll have our cake
And eat it too ♪
2255
01:35:24,370 --> 01:35:29,593
♪ Never met a girl like this
Like this ♪
2256
01:35:29,593 --> 01:35:31,290
♪ Like this
This-this-this-this ♪
2257
01:35:31,290 --> 01:35:36,382
♪ Never met a girl like this
Like this ♪
2258
01:35:36,382 --> 01:35:38,210
♪ Like this
This-this-this-this ♪
2259
01:35:38,210 --> 01:35:39,908
♪ Down in Panama
Up to Canada ♪
2260
01:35:39,908 --> 01:35:41,736
♪ Round the world
We la-la-la-la ♪
2261
01:35:41,736 --> 01:35:43,476
♪ Sing our song
We is fixing bongs ♪
2262
01:35:43,476 --> 01:35:45,000
♪ These sticks and stones
And ha-ha-ha-ha ♪
2263
01:35:45,000 --> 01:35:50,135
♪ Laugh them all to the bank
Ha-ha-ha ♪
2264
01:35:50,135 --> 01:35:51,963
♪ Laugh them all to the bank
Like this ♪
2265
01:35:51,963 --> 01:35:53,573
♪ Fill it up, fill it up
Fill it up, fill it up ♪
2266
01:35:53,573 --> 01:35:55,401
♪ Fill it up, fill it up
Fill it up ♪
2267
01:35:55,401 --> 01:35:56,925
♪ Fill it up, fill it up
Fill it up, fill it up ♪
2268
01:35:56,925 --> 01:35:58,796
♪ Fill it up
Ah, keep the change ♪
2269
01:35:58,796 --> 01:36:00,363
♪ Fill it up, fill it up
Fill it up, fill it up ♪
2270
01:36:00,363 --> 01:36:02,191
♪ Fill it up, fill it up
Fill it up ♪
2271
01:36:02,191 --> 01:36:03,758
♪ Fill it up, fill it up
Fill it up, fill it up ♪
2272
01:36:03,758 --> 01:36:05,934
♪ Fill it up
Ah, keep the change ♪
2273
01:36:11,069 --> 01:36:12,767
♪ Oh, snap ♪
2274
01:36:12,767 --> 01:36:15,987
♪ Oh, we'’ll have our cake
And eat it ♪
2275
01:36:15,987 --> 01:36:19,251
♪ Oh, we'’ll have our cake
And eat it too ♪
2276
01:36:19,251 --> 01:36:22,951
♪ Laugh them off to the bank
Have our cake ♪
2277
01:36:22,951 --> 01:36:24,779
♪ Laugh them off to the bank
Have our cake and eat it ♪
2278
01:36:24,779 --> 01:36:26,519
♪ Laugh them all to the bank
Like this ♪
2279
01:36:26,519 --> 01:36:30,219
♪ Laugh them off to the bank
Have our cake ♪
2280
01:36:30,219 --> 01:36:31,873
♪ Laugh them off to the bank
Have our cake and eat it ♪
2281
01:36:31,873 --> 01:36:33,613
♪ Laugh them all to the bank
Like this ♪
2282
01:36:33,613 --> 01:36:35,485
♪ Oh, we'’ll have our cake
And eat it ♪
2283
01:36:35,485 --> 01:36:37,269
♪ Like this, like this ♪
2284
01:36:37,269 --> 01:36:39,010
♪ Oh, we'’ll have our cake
And eat it too ♪
2285
01:36:39,010 --> 01:36:40,751
♪ Like this, like this ♪
2286
01:36:40,751 --> 01:36:42,361
♪ Oh, we'’ll have our cake
And eat it ♪
2287
01:36:42,361 --> 01:36:44,059
♪ Laugh them all like this
Like this ♪
2288
01:36:44,059 --> 01:36:45,669
♪ Oh, we'’ll have our cake
And eat it ♪
2289
01:36:45,669 --> 01:36:47,366
♪ Ah, like this, like this
Change!♪