Downloaded from YTS.MX
(♪♪♪)
Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX
(CHRISTMAS SONG PLAYING)
COLIN: I just don't want anybody to get hurt, that's all.
Nobody's gonna get hurt, okay?
I mean, this is just a bunch of rich people.
They're losing an amount of money
so insignificant to 'em that they're willing
to gamble it all away.
I mean, I'd say
the error factor is pretty low in this situation.
Yeah, but pointing a gun at people.
I mean, I've never even held a gun before.
Which is why I removed the bullets.
You did?
Absolutely.
Now, come on.
Enough of the chit-chat.
We've got a job to do.
- Just wait a second. - Oh, come on. No.
No, shush.
Look, all I'm asking is we think about this for a minute.
Collie, you've had enough minutes already.
A couple of more is not gonna do any good.
There's no sense of being afraid now.
Who said anything about being afraid?
Collie. Come on.
People like you and me.
The world... the world goes out of its way
to keep us exactly where we are.
I mean, look at us.
Look at the situation we're in.
Now, I don't like what we have to do here.
- You like it plenty. - All right, maybe we do.
But my personal predilection towards stealing
has nothing to do with the fact
that our backs are against the wall.
And if we're ever gonna get what we want,
We have no choice but to take it.
Opportunity does not knock twice.
A lot of money in there.
TERRY: Lotta money.
Lotta rich people.
(♪♪♪)
(indistinct shouting)
Code red! Code red! Code red!
TERRY: All right, partners!
Put your hands in the air.
This is a robb...
Thank God, you're here!
Wait.
Who are you two?
♪ It's Christmas time! ♪
♪ Grab your coat ♪
♪ It's getting cold ♪
♪ Just look at the falling snow ♪
ANNA: Christmas movies aren't cheesy.
Who raised you?
MANNY: Okay, maybe they're not cheesy.
But come on, Anna, they're not serious movies.
ANNA: Well, yeah, they're not supposed to be.
I mean, Christmas movies are all about wish fulfillment.
We watch them and we're taken to a place
where dreams come to life.
I mean, Christmas is an entire holiday
centered around getting the things that we want.
Could be spending time with loved ones
or I don't know, finally making out with your crush.
I thought you'd never ask.
All I'm saying is that in my experience,
wishes rarely come true.
But with Christmas and movies, they make us feel like maybe,
sometimes, they can.
And that is why I love Christmas movies so much.
Hmm.
Is that what you're working on?
- A Christmas movie? - What? No.
I mean...
I mean, I am working on a movie, but it's not a Christmas movie.
- MANNY Can I read it? - Not a chance.
Um, okay, so you're writing a movie
that no one can read.
Well, I'll let people read it.
Eventually.
Probably.
Sure.
Well, in the meantime,
why don't you go work on that at home?
I know you can't beat the company
you get to keep here,
but it's gonna take me a while to clean up
after these beautiful holiday drunks.
Well, I'd love to close out, but um...
- Someone's in there? - Yeah.
Yo, hombre!
We're closed.
Get a move on or we'd have to lock you
in there till morning.
Yeah, yeah.
Place got crappy service.
That crappy service, anyway.
And... and them bathrooms, man?
You should be ashamed of yourself, man.
That's not for people.
People shouldn't use those bathrooms.
I went in there, and I was... I was like,
"I'm not a person, 'cause that bathroom is nasty."
That was beautiful. Was that Shakespeare?
So, I am guessing
that you two can't be bothered with giving me another round?
Sorry, Manny, I forgot to tell you.
- Credit card machine's down. - Sorry?
You're gonna have to pay with cash, sir.
(♪♪♪)
ANNA: Here you go.
Although, hey, you mind swapping out a 10 for two 5s?
A 10.
Oh, you still owe me 5.
Actually, you know what? You keep that.
I'll give you 10.
You give me 20.
And we're good.
Although, a tip.
It's Christmas.
- Happy holidays. - Thank you.
FOSTER: Hmm.
Huh.
Just a little trick my dad taught me.
Hey.
Everybody's got a little larceny operating in them.
Oh, Bing Crosby. White Christmas.
Nice. See?
We make a great team.
Now, about that making out.
PAUL: Hey, you two. Back to work, huh?
That's it.
Working my boss voice, how'd that sound?
Pretty good?
Like a manager... Man... Managerial?
Man... Managerial?
Man... Managera... Like a manager guy?
Pretty good, right? Uh, kinda.
PAUL: Okay.
I just heard you guys talking about Christmas movies,
and no one said the best one of all time.
No? Still?
- Die Hard? Come on. - Oh, dude.
- Come on. - PAUL: What?
- What's wrong with Die Hard? - It rules.
- PAUL: Yeah. - It reinvented the action genre.
Yes. Thank you. ANNA: It made Bruce Willis a star.
But we have to stop
with this whole Die Hard is a Christmas movie argument.
- Why? - It's played out.
And there are so many other great Christmas movies
that we could be talking about instead.
Gonna have to hit the disagree button on this one.
Big time.
Babe, back me up on this, come on.
Oh. No.
I never see no Die Hard.
What? Are you serious?
What? Am I living a li... You...
I have no idea what's going on right now.
I know, baby, but you're used to it.
(CHUCKLES)
Baby, I'm just teasing.
I'm just trying to stay on Anna's good side,
so when she's out there in Hollywood making movies,
she'll invite us to her red carpet.
CHIP ON SPEAKER: Everyone! Kitchen! Meeting! Now!
This guy, dude.
Hey.
Now, that sounded managerial.
- Managerial. - Managerial. Managerial.
What crawled up his butt?
This guy sucks ass.
Here's your cut of the tip we got earlier.
No. You earned it.
Hmm.
Alright, fine.
But I'm only taking 5.
Why are you being nice?
It's weird.
MANNY: I'm always nice.
Or maybe I just want Teddy to get his new bike.
(♪♪♪)
(indistinct chatter & laughter in background)
Okie dokie.
So, the restaurant is closing effective immediately.
- EMPLOYEE 1: What? - EMPLOYEE 2: Is he kidding?
- Are you serious? - EMPLOYEE 3: What is this guy...
- EMPLOYEE 4: This is crazy. - CHIP: Yeah.
So, go ahead and clear all your belongings
and say your goodbyes, and uh, your final paycheck
will arrive in the mail.
- What? - NIKKI: Huh?
Oh. We ain't got a mailbox.
ANNA: What's happening?
Look, it's not hard to understand, Anna.
Costs are up.
Business is down.
And I'ma get out of here
while I still got a shirt on my back.
But it seems like business has been great.
Like, I'm busting me buttocks
all day every day back here behind the grill.
- ANNA: Yeah. - Oh. Oh, wow.
Colin, I had no idea you were an accountant.
Do you... do you have some other hidden talents
you've been hiding from us?
Uh, you're like a dancer or maybe a wizard?
Hmm? No.
- COLIN: No. - No?
Well, then, why don't you leave the business decisions
to the person that owns the business?
That's me.
And I say, we're closed.
End of story.
You dirty, cheap bastard.
It's Christmas, you son of a...
You can't give us the boot on Christmas.
Oh, yeah? Says who?
Says...
- The government. - CHIP: Oh.
CHIP: The government. Ah.
Well, why don't you call up the government
and see how far you get with that?
Or what I could do is take this pan
- and shove it up your... - Terry. Terry.
No, no, Terry.
No.
Yeah, well, also, you said you were gonna make me manager,
like last week. What...
Was that...
Okay, Paul. You're a manager.
- Okay. - And you're fired.
- Sick, dude. - CHIP: Yeah.
Well, what about our bonuses?
Is that gonna come with our paycheck?
Are you serious? Wow.
Anna, you know, there's no trophies for participation.
There's no medal for second place.
And silver?
And there's sure as hell no bonuses when you fail.
It's your restaurant, Chip.
If anyone's failed here, I'm pretty sure it's you.
EMPLOYEES: Yeah.
Oh.
Like I'm gonna be lectured about failure from you, Manny.
What are you, a 30-year-old busboy?
Let's just get him. Okay?
You get one and I'll get the other.
COLIN: Terry. Christ.
So... so that's it? We're all unemployed?
You just... you just tossin' us out?
Yeah. Oh.
Uh, but tomorrow, I'm still hosting
my annual holiday poker game and I'll need staff to work it.
So, given the circumstances, I'm assuming
that you all still need the cash, right?
(sighs)
CHIP: Yeah. I thought so.
All right. Yay!
It's a win-win for everybody.
(indistinct whispering)
COLIN: This guy...
Told ya.
(♪♪♪)
(TYPING ON PHONE)
(♪♪♪)
What the hell?
Something of interest to you there?
ANNA: Oh. No. No.
I... I was just gonna make the cash drop.
CHIP: Oh.
Well, make the drop, and go.
You know, you shouldn't do this to people.
Not on Christmas.
You know, I used to be a boxer?
ANNA: Yes.
Pretty good one.
Once upon a time.
Golden gloves and everything.
ANNA: Good for you.
I'm sure a pair of gold boxing gloves
have been incredibly useful to you in life.
What?
No, you ding-dong.
Golden gloves doesn't mean that gloves are gold.
It means that you're a champion.
It means that you did your time in the ring
and you came out on top.
Yeah.
You know what I learned throughout
that whole arduous process?
How to get punched a lot?
CHIP: How to get punched a lot. Yeah.
That's exactly what I learned.
You know, Iron Mike Tyson said,
"Everybody's got a plan until they get punched in the face."
Trick is, when you do get punched in the face,
you gotta keep standing.
You gotta keep fighting.
Huh?
Because no one makes it to gloves
lying on the mat, waiting for the ref to count
their sorry ass out.
Pooh.
Remind me.
You inherited this restaurant from your dad, right?
Yeah.
Yeah, he built it from the ground up.
Why?
Just pointing out
that some of us have to fight harder than others.
Thank you.
Pointing that out.
(grunts)
PAUL: Okay, so, should we just kill this guy or what?
Eh.
What I'd like to do?
I'd like to grab that slimy bastard by the neck
and squeeze and squeeze until his face
goes bright red like a ripe tomato
and one of those eyes in his bulging face goes...
(imitates pop) out of his head.
Okay.
That's like real specific and... and horrifying.
- Cheers, love. - I'll cheers to that.
- I love that. - Yeah.
PAUL: Seriously though, babe. What are we gonna do?
We need that bonus for the apartment.
Bad.
I don't know.
I mean, it ain't like anyone's hiring
restaurant staff in January.
Don't even say January.
We live in a truck with no heat or bathroom.
It's not a great sitch.
Oh, I know.
Well, if you guys need a place to stay,
I mean, you're always welcome to jump in.
Ow!
What, mate? (indistinct speech)
I appreciate ya, Colin.
But Paul and I will... we'll figure it out.
I don't know.
It ain't the first time we ran into some bad luck.
PAUL: Yeah.
Some good luck would be nice.
Change of pace.
ANNA: Hey, can I ask you guys a question?
Have any of you noticed your paychecks
being a little light?
TERRY: No.
I saw something weird on Chip's computer and it...
Probably nothing, but I took my last paycheck
and I calculated out all the social security, taxes,
all that and I'm pretty sure I'm like 14 bucks short.
14 whole dollars?
Oh, wow.
Our financial woes are solved.
I'm not saying it's gonna solve all our problems,
you mouthy leprechaun.
I'm just wondering where the money is going.
Is anybody else curious?
- Not really. - ANNA: Anyone?
Okay. Whatever. I'm getting another beer.
(chuckles)
No, Anna. Anna.
Uh, no, seriously, Anna, Anna.
Yes.
TERRY: While you're up there, would you...
No.
Geez. Would you look at that?
We're all on the same sinking ship.
And now, more than ever, we need to...
MANNY: Terry.
You talk too much.
Oh, ow.
Just take that, chump.
So this is it, huh?
One last shift.
Wait.
Are you actually going to show up tomorrow?
And serve Chip?
And all those tosses he calls friends?
PAUL: Did you miss the part just now where we live in a truck?
We need the money, dude.
Bad.
Look. I mean, does it suck?
We have to work on Christmas Eve serving a bunch of rich jerks
as... as they blow more money in one night
than we'll see in months.
Yeah, yeah.
It does, but we ain't got the luxury of being picky.
Dude, I wouldn't mind blowing 10Gs in one go.
It'd be nice.
With all those buy-ins, there's gonna be
like 60K in that place tomorrow night.
Imagine walking around with that kind of dough.
Yeah.
Imagine that.
Oh, well, look at the time.
Uh, Colin, we best be going.
Um, we got that uh, early appointment
to get that... that rash of yours.
- You got a rash, dude? - What? What? No. No.
- Ew. - Oh.
Collie, Collie, come on.
Yeah, me too. Me too.
Well, minus the rash.
I... I ain't got a rash.
Baby, come on, let's go.
Baby, get your jacket. Let's go.
(♪♪♪)
PAUL: What are those two up to?
Maybe Anna's finally realizing Manny has a crush on her.
PAUL: He does?
- PAUL: How long? - Let's go.
PAUL: Okay.
And if you were to steal money that's already been stolen?
Who could you report that to?
(♪♪♪)
You're gonna catch your death out here.
Hey.
What are you doing up?
What? You run out of old Cheers episodes
to fall to fall asleep to?
Hey, easy on your old man.
I watch more than just Cheers.
I also watch Columbo.
Oh.
My back.
One of them nights.
Sorry.
So tell me.
Unless you've got the world's smallest bicycle,
I don't think I see Teddy's Christmas gift anywhere.
I lost my job today, dad.
You what?
Chip closed the restaurant.
No notice. No nothing.
He's not even giving us our holiday bonus.
On Christmas?
He's doing this on Christmas?
Sweetie, I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have said that thing about the bike.
I... I didn't know what I...
The year that kid has had.
Do you know how long it's been since his deadbeat dad
even picked up a phone to call him?
- Something like six months. - Eight.
It has been eight months.
Hey.
Teddy's gonna have a good Christmas.
- He's gonna be fine. - No, he just wants a bike.
That is it.
And I was gonna use some of that money to take
a filmmaking class,
but I can't spend that kind of money now.
Who knows when I'm gonna get more work?
And you gotta take care of your crippled old man.
I'll get a job.
Whatever it takes, I'll get a job.
You already got a job, dad.
You take care of Teddy.
I don't think you realize how much childcare
can cost these days.
Plus, I claim you as a dependent on my taxes,
you're a nice write-off.
Look.
We're gonna be okay.
We will.
There's one thing I learned
is that no one looks after people like us.
No one. That's why.
That's why we take care of each other.
That's right.
Coming in?
I'm turning into a snow globe out here.
No, you go ahead. I need another minute.
Take your time.
Florida.
That's where we should get some jobs.
Florida.
(WALKING STICK CLICKING)
(♪♪♪)
(CAR WHIRRING)
(clears throat)
(♪♪♪)
(CAR DOOR CLOSES IN BACK)
SONNY: Hey, Billy.
I want you to wait out here for me.
And most importantly, hey,
I want you to stay awake, you understand?
No sleeping on the job.
I'll stay awake, Uncle Sonny.
- You can count on me. - SONNY: I can count on you?
Look at you.
Like you're sleeping already.
How do... how do I look?
You kids, all you kids look perpetually bored.
It's your faces.
You got no muscle.
Why don't you do some face exercises
while you're waiting for me?
Sure. Yeah, okay.
Okay, Uncle Sonny. I'll do some, uh, face-ups.
(♪♪♪)
(yawns)
Sonny Carmichael!
The man we've been waiting for!
I'm glad you could make it, brother.
Glad I could make it?
You practically blackmailed me into being here.
I thought I was gonna wake up with a horse's head in my bed.
(laughs)
Well, you know how these things are.
I mean, you know, one guy misses one year,
another guy misses the next.
And before you know it,
our tradition's not a tradition anymore.
Well, you owe me.
I had to hire Marie's dimwit nephew to drive me here.
It was the only way I could get another Christmas Eve off.
Where is everybody?
Oh, you know, they're... they're around.
Well, I'm sorry about that.
Well, why don't you let me make it up to you, huh?
With a drink.
- Oh, lookie here. - Hey.
It must be Christmas, because my eyes are getting
a full glimpse of Mr. Sonny Carmichael Esquire.
Louis, you know I'd love to see you more often,
but wouldn't it be wrong of me
to clean you out more than once a year?
Oh, so that's how it's gonna be?
You started it, huh?
You started it.
Hi, Sonny.
Long time no see.
CHUCK: How's it hangin', Sonny?
Hey, Anna.
A drink for our esteemed guest, Mr. Carmichael.
I'll have a vodka orange juice, sweetheart.
- ANNA: So a screwdriver? - Anna.
ANNA: What?
He's been ordering the same drink for like 50 years.
I figured he might want to know it has a name.
(laughing)
SONNY: Feisty.
I like that.
I'll have a screwdriver, please.
Coming right up.
Let me get these empties out of the way.
I assume another round for everyone?
- CHUCK & LOUIS: Yep. - Thank you.
Why... why are you collecting em... empties?
Where's Manny?
Couldn't tell ya.
Maybe he's running late.
Running late.
My favorite night of the year. My busboy's running late.
(chuckles)
What are you gonna do, Chip?
Fire him?
Again?
I'll be back with those drinks.
Gentlemen. And lady.
You know how we do it here.
This is old school five-card draw.
None of that Texas hold 'em, college dorm room nonsense.
We play down, and we play dirty,
and we play until there's a winner.
And only one winner.
So you may go home and tell your significant others
that you broke even, but you better be sure.
You either win or you lose.
So, now that we're talking about the wager,
it's time to buy in, hmm.
And much like the cards we're about to play,
let's get that cash up on the table.
Hmm, hmm. Oh yeah.
One more makes an even 60K.
Oh my goodness.
Oh.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go put this,
uh, well, in a safe place.
(laughing)
CHUCK: In a safe.
Yeah.
(FOOT FALLING)
(SAFE CLICKING)
Wow.
(♪♪♪)
Can I help you with something?
Hey, no, I'm... I... I'm good.
I was... I was wondering, do you... do you like,
do you need anything or are you good?
CHIP: Oh, oh, thanks.
Yeah, yeah. I do need something.
I need you to serve my guests.
And I need to know why I don't hear grease frying
or see any food being prepped.
Yeah. The uh, McMahon brothers no show today.
What? Are you kidding?
First Manny and now those Irish knuckleheads?
PAUL: Yeah.
You did fire everybody yesterday.
Like all of us.
CHIP: Yeah. Can you cook?
Not at all.
Okay, well, figure it out.
How hard can it be? Right?
You just uh, cook up anything that's not vile if overcooked
or uh, deadly if undercooked.
Right?
- Yeah. - Huh?
You got it? Do you?
- Yeah. - CHIP: You got it.
PAUL: Okay. Mm-hmm.
Okay, yeah.
- Get to work! - Yeah.
There we go.
It's cooking... cooking time.
Hello, kitchen.
Hello?
(STATIC ON PHONE)
NIKKI: Pst.
Yeah. Oh hey.
Yeah, he's gone, ghost is clear. Come on.
You can do this like fast, right?
It's not gonna take you a long time.
Hell, I don't know.
I guess we'll find out.
Just keep Chip distracted and out of my hair
and I'll do my thing.
(CHRISTMAS SONG PLAYING)
All right.
Let the games begin.
♪ Christmas is coming ♪
♪ The snowflakes will be falling ♪
♪ It's the most wonderful time of year ♪
♪ So hang up your stockings ♪
♪ Put the tinsel on the tree ♪
♪ Because Christmas is coming our way ♪
(♪♪♪)
♪ So baby, light a fire, and we'll toast the night away ♪
♪ Because Christmas is coming, Christmas is coming ♪
♪ Christmas is coming our way ♪
That's why I don't go to Vegas anymore.
I just don't do it.
It's amateur hour.
- HECTOR: Hell. - They did it to themselves.
You know, Vegas turned into a theme park.
You can't tell if you're on the strip,
if you're at Disneyland.
Don't you agree, Sonny?
Were... weren't we about to discuss
Sonny's new partnership?
That was the whole point of Elvis' comeback concert.
It was supposed to be a Christmas special.
But the King said...
(vocalizes)
Oh, no, no, no, no ain't no family friendly BS.
It's gonna be a rock 'n' roll show."
(ALL CHUCKLES)
It's that... it's you...
HECTOR: Now keep in mind, he ain't performed live in seven years.
- EDEN & LOUIS: Yeah. - HECTOR: He was in the army.
Then he spent all that time making them bad movies
and bad music to go along with it.
- I saw that concert. - HECTOR: You did?
Yeah, I remember
sitting around watching with my family.
All of us gathered around the TV like it was church.
Hector, you're the expert.
You think Elvis is dead?
Well, yeah, he's... he's dead now.
But he wasn't dead then.
(laughing)
He's dead now. (laughing)
(Hector coughs)
Wasn't dead then.
Hey, so about that job.
Uh, I'm told that it's with the governor's brother.
Is that... is that right?
It's nothing. Just work stuff.
Oh, yeah.
I mean, it can't be... it can't be nothing.
We're talking about the governor's brother, right?
That's not nothing.
Look, I don't want to talk shop.
I just need to play cards with my friends.
Yeah, no, no. Yeah, me too.
It's your bet, Chip.
No, I know.
- I'm just wondering. - Why?
Why are you so curious to know what I'm up to with anyone?
And particularly, the governor's brother.
Wh... whoa.
Come on.
Let's... let's relax, all right?
I'm just making conversation.
Yeah, and you brought the topic up a few times.
Mm-hmm.
You're getting a little pushy about it.
We all see it, mm-hmm.
Hey, come on.
Hey.
Hey, far be it for me to... to spoil a good time, right?
I mean, uh, hey, if... if I crossed the line,
Sonny, I apologize.
Please.
From the... from the bottom of my heart, I apologize.
- Okay. - CHIP: All right.
Yeah, come on.
Let's uh, let's take a break, huh?
Let's uh, let's take a break.
Uh, you guys have more drinks, right?
We'll get... we'll get Anna back in here,
get some more drinks, and I'll get some food, right?
I'll bring some food, huh?
Come on.
We'll... we'll keep the good times going.
- We're having fun. - We're having fun.
CHIP: Aren't we? Come on, we're having fun, Sonny.
Right? This is fun.
All right. Let's keep it going.
I'll be right back.
Elvis has left the building.
(laughs)
CHUCK: What is he, dead?
(retches, SPITS)
(♪♪♪)
I can't. I can't.
You hear me?
I can't do this.
I'm trying.
Do you hear me out there trying?
He's not taking the bait.
He's catching on to me.
Are you listening to me?
BENNET ON PHONE: You know the deal, Mr. Baker.
You get us Sonny Carmichael...
or we get you on tax evasion.
Oh. Ehhh.
(pants)
(taking deep breaths)
Okay, okay, here we go.
Oh, oh.
- Ooh! - PAUL: Hey. Hey.
Hey, boss man, how's it going?
CHIP: What are you doing?
I just... I was just getting the pizza here,
making sure the order's right.
Looks pretty good.
Why did you order pizza?
We're a restaurant, Paul!
Yeah, no, you told me to make food and it went bad.
And there's a grease fire over there.
It's... I put it out, everything's fine.
There was an extinguisher.
It's good, but this is off-limits.
So, if everyone loves pizza, yeah, we'll do pizza.
It's gonna be great.
I am super screwed.
Yeah.
Yeah, there's a lot of that going around.
Okay. Here's what we're gonna do.
Okay?
You're gonna go out there and you're gonna
bring pizza on the good plates to our guests.
Do you think you can handle that?
- Yeah. - Hm?
Yeah.
Okay.
(SHOES SQUEAKING)
Do you think you can handle that now?
PAUL: Yeah, that's all I can do, boss. Yeah.
Mm-hmm. It's good.
That's what I'm afraid of.
You handling it.
(grunts)
That guy.
(LIGHT FLICKERING)
(♪♪♪)
MAN 1 ON VIDEO: The cam, right on the cam follower,
and you're gonna feel and hear very slightly
and very gently a little tick, and you'll go right past it
but you'll remember that number.
You'll write that number down.
You keep doing that, you'll have a set of numbers.
He went back to the game.
Got all the time.
MAN 1 ON VIDEO: combinations to get in here.
PAUL: How's it going?
NIKKI: How's it look like it's going?
PAUL: Not well.
Well, okay. Keep working on it.
I'll be back.
MAN 1 ON VIDEO: all four sides.
Like clutch cut with a grinder or a metal saw.
Hell, no.
I ain't subscribing to your channel.
They're gonna be playing poker for at least a few hours.
That gives us plenty of time to crack open the safe,
get that money, and get out.
I don't know about this, man.
I'm not the guy for this, right?
Like I couldn't even open
my high school locker and I knew the code for that.
I knew the numbers and I was still bad at it.
This is not a good idea.
I know, baby. I know.
That's why I'll handle the safe.
You just have to run interference
and make sure no one bothers me while I'm doing my thing.
Yeah, I mean...
Yeah.
Okay. I guess I could do that.
And worst-case scenario,
if I can't crack the safe's lock, well... well
I can always take a page from my cousin's playbook.
O... okay.
So, like as much as I love your cousin's appetite
for blowing shit up, that's 100% last resort.
Dynamite...
(GRRUNTING) You're ruining my dream.
Stealing a lot of money.
Like a ton of money.
Like go to jail for a while kind of money.
Do you know what I'm talking about?
Like, this is some Ocean's Eleven-style shit.
We are way over our heads on this.
More like Ocean 7-Eleven, the way we're going.
PAUL: Awesome one, dude.
Was that... You just came up with that right now?
It was a great joke.
(sighs)
NIKKI: Remember this day?
PAUL: Mm-hmm.
Yeah, actually, yeah.
Specifically, this is the day you told me
that you'd only hump in the truck once
and one time only, and that was a lie.
Baby, I am being serious.
Remember when I told you that day about Florida?
Yes, you saw God in the ocean or something,
and there was like... Your dad was there.
- You'd never seen a dolphin. - What? No! No, no, no!
I didn't literally mean I saw gods in the ocean.
Baby. All right.
Let me try and explain this.
Growing up, my... my daddy was convinced that the only way
to feel the Lord's presence was inside
of a house of worship.
And believe me, I tried.
Tried, but the only thing
I ever felt at church was boredom.
And hot in the summers.
And that summer, my daddy took us
down to Florida.
Man, we drove straight through.
No stops.
We couldn't afford another night in the motels.
Our first day there, we... we went straight to the beach.
I remember it like it was yesterday.
I remember looking out at that clear blue water
and I'm digging my little toes in the sand.
Baby, get over here.
I'd never seen anything so... so vast and overwhelming before.
It was like the sky, you know, only upside down.
In that moment, standing there,
confronted with all the beauty of our world,
in that moment is when I felt
God's presence for the first time.
Not inside a church or bible studies.
It was right there.
Out in the open.
I've been chasing that feeling ever since.
That feeling that there's something more to this life.
But I've been so stuck.
Stuck in these dead-end jobs.
Stuck just... just trying to keep my head above water.
Baby, we're stuck.
We're stuck just trying to survive.
Do you even know what you're listening for?
PAUL: Yeah, it's like the video said.
Like... Or even in the movies.
You know what I mean? It's like the right click.
Where it goes like, click, click, click, click, clack.
We need that, we need that clack.
(SAFE CLICKING)
Dude, you know what?
I bet the combo is Chip's birthday. Right?
Doesn't he kind of seem like the password
is my birthday kind of guy?
Do you know what his birthday is?
No.
No, I don't. Okay.
(SIGHS) Hey, but I think we need to be honest.
We need to face the facts here.
We're not good at safe cracking or like major crime.
You think?
I'm sorry, baby.
It's just... it's right there.
All that money is behind this stupid, sloppy metal.
Ugh.
- And we can't get to it. - PAUL: Yeah.
That's... that what a safe is.
You know, it's like the... the whole point.
So stupid, stupid.
Worst-case scenario.
We gotta do it, baby.
Babe...
What choice do we have?
We either blow off this door or we live in a van forever.
We live in a van and we wake up
on Christmas morning with no money,
no jobs, and nowhere to take a...
Hell, I can't live like this no more.
Ok... Okay. And then... and then what?
We do an explosion in here?
We blow this thing off?
People are right there.
They'll... they'll be in here in a second.
Then how do we leave?
How do we get out of here?
We make a run for it.
Hope we got a little bit of Christmas luck on our side.
No.
No way, dude.
That's not gonna work.
Let's go.
Do you trust me?
Uh-oh.
Why?
I came up with a plan. It's kind of like a...
It's not great.
It's like a break in case of emergency.
Okay. See?
Now, when you say plan, that makes me a little nervous.
PAUL: Oh, yeah. Me too.
I'm very nervous.
This plan is medium to bad.
Do you remember that dude, Bronco, that I live with?
The drug dealer?
PAUL: I didn't know he was a drug dealer at the time. Okay?
I thought he just had a lot of pills
and was a fun, chill dude, and I...
when I found he was selling drugs, I moved out, okay?
I thought you moved out,
so we could move into the van together.
PAUL: I did. It was... It was a...
It was both of the things together that...
(indistinct speech)
(PHONE RINGING IN DISTANCE)
PAUL: What is this?
What?
What is this?
Hello?
God.
There's something weird going on here.
That thing's been ringing all day.
It's been only clicks. I don't know what it is.
I'm gonna go.
All right, take this.
Figure it out. Bronco's gonna help us with this.
Okay?
ANNA: Whoa, hey! Whoa, you scared me.
PAUL: Sorry. Sorry.
Uh, you... uh hey.
ANNA: What are you...
- What are you doing in there? - PAUL: In here?
I was doing like um, a napkin.
It was like a napkin inventory.
It's... it was for like uh, just like a napkins thing,
you know? It's fine.
You realize that the restaurant's closing, right?
We're not gonna need any more napkins.
Yeah, that's... that's exactly what I said just a minute ago.
I was like, "What do we need to do that for", you know?
Um, hey, what... so what... what are you doing back here?
Shouldn't... shouldn't you be behind the bar,
doing like bar... bartending stuff for the...
Yeah, yeah.
I was, so, why do you care?
I... I... I'm not caring.
I don't... I don't care.
I care a little bit.
Chip just asked for, um, whiskey shots
for his poker squad, so, um...
What? When did he order that?
Weren't you doing napkin inventory?
Yeah, it was right before my napkin time.
It was...
Anna, I just really love it if you could just pour me
those shots for... please, God, you know,
could you do... could you do that for me?
- Sure. Yep. - Thank you.
ANNA: I... I just um...
I've gotta go.
I should... I just, I have to do, I have to do a thing first.
So you're not gonna do the shots?
I just... Yeah.
So, I'm gonna do it myself.
Like I could do everything around here.
Awesome. Thanks, Anna!
ANNA: You're welcome!
(♪♪♪)
Pfft! No!
It got in my mouth.
Come on, please.
Do it again.
That's a good one.
Did I do this one?
Shit.
That's good.
(indistinct speech)
That's when I realized she was still in the room!
She had been there the entire time!
(LAUGHS) Easy.
- SONNY: Is she still there? - Hey, who's ready for shots!
- PAUL: Right? - Shots?
No. No one ordered shots.
- No shots. - PAUL: Oh yeah.
I... I know, but it's... it's a party, right?
It's Christmas.
No, no, no... no one ordered shots.
It's an adult party.
It's not for kids.
- Good, no, we're good. - CHUCK: You know what?
I'll take a shot, what the hell.
There we go!
All right! Shot for you!
- Shot for you! - SONNY: No, thank you.
I said shot for you. Come on, we're all doing it.
It's gonna be super fun.
Shot for the big man. Shot for the lady.
- I'll pass. - Oh, it's... it's right there.
- LOUIS: Yeah, hit me. - PAUL: Oh, see?
This is what...
Why can't everybody be more like this guy?
- PAUL: And a shot for papa. - Get out of here.
Get out of here, get out of here, get out of here. ♪
PAUL: I will. Just have a shot. It's really nice.
HECTOR: To new times with old friends.
- SONNY: Hear, hear. - EDEN: Hear, hear.
CHUCK: And a happy holidays to you all, too.
- And a night off from my wife. - Wait!
Just sorry, if you guys... if you all...
Everyone has to do the shot.
It's... it's bad luck if you don't... if you don't...
Will you disappear, you wacko?
Before you disappear, you get my drift?
Yeah, but if you guys all don't...
Get out!
Yeah. Okay.
Just enjoy your drinks.
It's Christmas Eve.
I... I just... he... he... asked him nicely,
but he wasn't leaving.
CHUCK: To a night off from his wife.
(laugh)
- LOUIS: Salud. - Salud.
SONNY: All right.
(TRAY CLATTERS)
NIKKI: Baby!
Hang on.
NIKKI: What are you doing?
There's something weird going on here.
I'm trying...
Oh, okay.
Did you do whatever it was that you went to do?
Kind of.
I guess not all the way, but sort of.
80 percent.
So is it time?
Yeah.
If it's not now, it never will be.
Let's do it.
Okay. (KISSES)
Come on.
- Boom! - PAUL: Let's do it.
- I love you. - PAUL: I love you.
(SIGHS)
Hey, so I'm glad you guys are all here.
I'm uh, gonna pick your brain about something.
I um... I got this friend I'm helping, uh,
move some materials that he's gathered.
You know, getting things in.
Getting them out.
He needs logistics help.
But not a lot of questions. If you know what I mean?
He uh, could be lucrative.
- SONNY: Again? - Yeah.
We're doing this again?
Do... doing what? What do you mean?
You know what I mean. You know what I mean.
CHIP: No, I'm sorry. I don't. I don't know what you mean.
SONNY: You're still sticking your nose into my business.
Why are you so desperate to know when I'm...
HECTOR: Hey, hey, Sonny.
Relax, man.
Take it easy.
Hector, what the hell are you doing?
Hey, you guys ever think...
Chuck. Hey.
Rainbow.
LOUIS: Hey, hey, hey.
EDEN: What? (GASPS)
Damn it, Chip.
I had enough of this.
What is going on here?
I don't know what's going on.
You tell me right now
what you're up to or I swear to God.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Sonny.
I do not know what is going on here, okay?
I had nothing to do with this.
Nothing.
(EXPLOSION)
(♪♪♪)
You were saying?
Code red! Code... code red! Code red!
Code red, red, red, red, red! Code red!
TERRY: All right, partners.
Put your arms in the air.
This is a robbery.
Oh, thank God, you're here.
Wait. Whoa.
Who... who are you... you two?
(CHRISTMAS SONG PLAYING IN BACKGROUND)
So nothing matters?
Hell, that's not what I'm saying at all.
You're talking about fatalism.
You're saying that, because anything's possible
and it's all out of our control,
we should just live however we want.
Forget about the consequences.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
See, that's where you're wrong, because I'm...
Okay. Okay.
Let me put it like this.
I hate it when some people say things like,
"Oh, well, you might get knocked over by a bus tomorrow,
so you might as well eat a dozen cheeseburgers
or smoke a carton of cigarettes today."
See, that's bollocks.
You know, boy.
Guessing if I say no, you're gonna tell me anyway.
TERRY: Hey.
Well, the answer is simple.
Why didn't you see the bus coming?
I'm pretty sure the bus is just a metaphor.
I'm not sure about that at all.
People want to believe that our lives
are so out of our control that we are powerless
to step out of the way of a charging bus.
A bus? A bus?
I mean, imagine.
You're walking down the street, busy, open area.
You step off the curb and wham, you get creamed by
a fucking behemoth of public transport.
I mean, that... that is not fate.
That's you being a blind, dopey idget.
Is there a point in any of this?
There is. There is, little brother.
There is.
We see the bus coming.
Huh?
No? Think about it.
Huh?
Just think about it.
Can't smoke in here.
Why not?
Because you can't.
Yeah, but why not?
Because it's prohibited.
It's what?
It's pro-hi-be-ted.
Oh.
Well, since you used such a fancy word.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER IN BACKGROUND))
(♪♪♪)
Okay.
On the left, answer me this.
How long have you been breaking your bollocks in this country
and getting nothing to show for it?
- Too long. - TERRY: Yeah.
You are a talented chef, Collie.
And despite coming from a country
where we boil, steam the living flavor
out of everything,
you have a gift for preparing food.
Now, you came here to pursue your dream.
I came here to help you pursue your dream.
You came here, because
you got in over your head with the Mitchell boys.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, in part, but only in part.
I want to see you succeed.
I want to be part of making your dream a reality.
Huh?
But all the work we do,
mainly your work, we aren't getting any closer.
Nor are we getting any younger.
Now, this job ripped from under us, huh?
We're even further away than we've ever been.
Yeah, but Terry, what you were suggesting, look...
TERRY: Look, I know. Look, I know. I know.
Look, I know.
I've done a lot of bad things in my life,
but some of those things were justifiable.
Some of them, well, you know, they were for fun.
But no, no, no. Collie, listen.
That bus.
That bus is coming.
And we ought to stand there and let it mow us down
or we do something about it?
One last bad thing.
That's all I'm asking for.
And we get everything we want.
One last bad?
Oh, yeah.
I see it.
Come to me, Collie.
All right, all right.
TERRY: Yes!
(SMACKIING THE TABLE)
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Our voices.
They're gonna know it's us.
Not if we talk with an American accent,
they won't.
Listen to me.
I sound like John Wayne in Rio Bravo.
That makes you Robert Mitcham.
No, I'd be Dean Martin.
Robert Mitchum stars in El Dorado.
Basically the same movie as Rio Bravo,
but just with different people around John Wayne.
Look, just think American.
Okay?
You'll be walking into a place with a gun in your hand.
You're already most of the way there.
(EXPLOSIION IN DISTANCE)
The hell was that?
Come on.
Code red! Code red!
TERRY: All right, partners.
You put your hands in the air.
- This is a rob... - Oh, thank God, you're here.
Wait.
Who... who are you two?
COLIN: I told you this was a bad idea.
TERRY: All right.
Hey, are those of you who can raise your hands,
raise your hands. And you drop...
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
- Terry? - TERRY: Nope.
Uh, no siree, partner.
Now keep those hands.
- Raise them for the sky... - Oh my God, Terry.
You have the world's worst timing.
Even worse than your John Wayne impersonation,
which is really bad.
TERRY: Enough.
Oh, listen.
I want everybody's money right here, right now.
And I want all the money that's in the safe now.
I cannot possibly fathom the depths of your stupidity.
But you are out of your minds if you think
that you're leaving here with that cash.
TERRY: Oh!
(grunts)
Here we go.
Listen, Chip,
if the next bloody words out of your mouth aren't,
"Oh, I'd be happy to show you to the safe
and open it for you, right this way."
So help me, God.
I don't know, but I am going to blow the head off you
right now, I've had enough.
(yell)
Hey!
There's another person in this room with a gun.
And I'd like to know what the hell's going on in here.
Mainly, Chip, why are your own employees
robbing you at gunpoint?
TERRY: You wanna know why?
Because this cheap, low-down, no-good, bottom-feeding,
rotten, miserable, heartless vampire of a human being
closes his restaurant two days before Christmas.
Two days!
Fires his entire staff and cuts all our bonuses.
That's why!
You're closing your restaurant?
What a suspicious thing to do and not tell anyone.
I was gonna tell you tonight.
I was gonna tell everyone tonight.
That's why I was so determined to get you all here.
Last hurrah.
SONNY: But why hide it?
And why is it that every time I'm in this restaurant,
and we both know I'm here often, it's absolutely packed.
Seems like a strange thing for a place going out of business.
Costs are skyrocketing, wages keep going up.
And there's still the matter
of you poking your nose into my business all night long.
And how is it that it's a cool 68 degrees in here
and you're all sweating like a pig?
Oh, pigs don't sweat.
It's why they roll around in mud.
You see their sweat glands are, it doesn't matter.
No more games, Chip.
You're gonna tell me what you know that I don't.
And you're gonna tell me right now.
I'm gonna tell you something, Sonny.
Okay.
How about this?
You're nothing but a sleazy, low-life, common,
white-collar racketeer.
And you have made my restaurant
the restaurant that my father built with his bare hands.
You've made it into your center for corruption.
You come in here and you do your dirty deals
and no one asks any questions.
And to top it all off, you tip like a bum.
So, Mr. Sonny Carmichael,
you are going to begin spilling all that you know
about your corrupt venture with the governor's brother.
And you're gonna do it right now
or we're gonna have a problem.
(laughs)
I think we already do.
CHIP: Hmm.
Hmm. Yeah.
SONNY: Yeah.
- You son of a bitch. - COLIN: Hey! Look out!
(grunting)
You think you're the only one in here with some fight in him?
(groans)
(grunts)
(groans)
I'm Golden Gloves, Sonny.
You want a piece of Golden Gloves?
Huh? Is that what you want? Yeah?
(laughs)
Whoa!
(laughs)
(laugh)
Your old man bought you those Golden Gloves.
(grunts)
- Haha, no, you don't! - No, no, no, no.
Back you go!
You're a fake!
And you know it!
(grunts)
(screams)
(♪♪♪)
(grunting)
(growling)
No, no, no, no, no, no, don't!
Don't let him!
Come on!
- COLIN: T! - TERRY: What?
We've got to help Chip!
Help Chip? Are you nuts?
He's our only way into the safe. Remember?
Uh, fine!
(grunts)
I'm letting the old fella give him a couple more digs
before finish.
Yeah, keep going.
Look, I'll jump at the old fella,
you just do whatever it is that you do to persuade Chip
to open the safe so we can get the...
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
- Where are Nikki and Paul going? - COLIN: What?
And what's that in their hand? The money.
They've got the money. They've got the money.
Well, well, well.
Fancy meeting the two of you here.
- Hand it over, kiddo. - Hell no.
Listen, the two of you are,
well, not friends, but nice acquaintances,
and I don't wanna have to hurt you.
But I need that money.
And you think we don't?
Yeah, because we blew that safe up just to see if we could.
And well, we could.
You blew the safe open.
That's what all that smoke's about.
What did you think this was?
COLIN: Listen, listen, guys, guys.
We're all reasonable people. We can work this out.
How about... what if we shared the money?
- COLIN & TERRY: No. - No way, dude.
Paul, I need you to give me the money.
I need you to get off our way, dude.
Okay, baby. Let's scoot. We're gonna this way.
- TERRY: Paul, don't... - Terry.
- Paul, look, Paul! - You don't...
(grunting)
TERRY: Give me the money.
(overlapping speech)
- All right, guys, enough! - NIKKI: Don't fight.
- That's our money. - TERRY: Paul, get off me.
NIKKI: That is our money!
(overlapping speech)
Baby, that's our money.
TERRY: Don't worry, Colin, I got it.
COLIN: Guys, guys, please, relax.
Let's stop, lads.
Guys.
- Guys. - NIKKI: Come on, baby.
Guys, enough!
Guys!
(Nikki screams)
(GUNSHOTS)
(gasps)
(pants)
(♪♪♪)
COLIN ON HEADPHONES: That's enough.
Guys, enough! Guys!
(GUNSHOT ON HEADPHONES)
Shots fired.
I for sure heard shots fired.
- You wanna move in or... - I don't know.
We barely have anything on Carmichael.
What do you think we should do?
Well, if somebody gets killed and we're just sitting here.
Fine.
Let's go save some stupid people from themselves.
Colin! Have you lost your mind?
You're gonna get someone killed!
He told me it wasn't loaded!
(VENTS CREAKING)
What?
(screams)
(Anna coughs, grunts)
Anna?
How... how did... how did you...
ANNA: Wait.
What?
Well, you see, I can explain.
TERRY: All right.
I've had enough of this.
Now, I'm taking this one here.
No, you're not.
Paul, don't make me... don't...
- PAUL: We... we need... - TERRY: Come on.
No.
TERRY: Ah! Get the money!
Colin! Just don't stand there, get the...
FBI!
I knew it!
Hands up.
And not one of you move a single muscle.
I'm confused by your contradictory directives.
Do we put our hands in the air or...
or do we not move a muscle?
Put your hands up.
And stay where you are.
Y'all had a hell of a party.
Excuse me. Officer? Or agent?
I'm sorry, but we... we can explain.
Can you?
No. Probably not.
Well, you're all very lucky,
'cause we're here for one person.
Sonny Carmichael.
You are under arrest.
You have the right to remain silent.
Sonny, I've always loved you.
I'll be waiting for you.
You're a peach.
Have my wife call the lawyer.
You have the right to an attorney.
If you cannot afford one,
the court will provide one for you.
Yadda, yadda, yadda.
Arrested for what? Answer me that.
Uncle Sonny, oh my God. I... I'm so sorry.
I dozed off for like a second and now you're in handcuffs.
That's bad.
Yeah. I told you to stay awake, didn't I?
Didn't I tell you to keep your eyes open?
CHIP: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
So, uh...
So you and... you and me, we're good, right?
I... I did what I said I would and so I'm free and easy, right?
You no good snitch!
Chip, when I make bail, and I'm gonna make bail,
you better be a thousand miles away from here in some cave.
And even then, I'm gonna find you.
Mr. Baker,
you've given us nothing but a mess.
Well, it's your opinion.
The deal was for you to get a confession
out of Mr. Carmichael.
And you failed miserably at that.
That's unkind.
And as for the rest of you, here's the deal.
I don't understand what happened here tonight.
I don't want to understand.
If I continue my investigation on this,
there'll be more arrests.
There'll be more paperwork.
We don't want that, do we?
No.
The money never left the premises.
So, nothing was ever stolen.
Great.
Now go home, all of you.
(Nikki clears throat)
BENNET: Oh, one more thing.
Merry Christmas.
- Oh, Merry Christmas. - EVERYONE: Merry Christmas.
Dude.
NIKKI: Hello.
Hey, baby.
(CAMERA CLICKS)
NIKKI: Okay.
Someone might be getting a little too grim here.
I think the Lake Theatre is playing
It's a Wonderful Life.
How about we go see that?
Get all nice and warm.
Totally. Yeah.
The movie about the dude who loses like a...
a ton of money right before Christmas
and then decides to kill himself.
That's... that's actually perfect.
We should... we should definitely do that.
True.
But in the end, he...
Well, there's that whole bit about angels
getting their wings, but...
But I actually don't know how that movie ends.
PAUL: Nobody does.
It's like with bells or something, and then wings.
And it's like six-hours long with commercials.
It's like, who's watching... who's watching that
for six hours?
Like, you know, people have jobs that like have...
We don't, though.
- We don't. - NIKKI: Okay.
(overlapping speech)
Baby, baby, the point is, no matter what we do,
no matter... no matter what movie we watch,
we still have each other, right?
Listen,
I know we're kind of screwed at the moment,
and I'm just as scared as you are.
But if we waste the year now, if we waste this entire holiday,
all we'll do is lose more than we already have.
Hey, we still have each other, right?
Come on.
Say it.
PAUL: We still have each other.
It's probably the dumbest thing you've ever said in your life.
And you have said some really dumb things.
We still have each other.
And how the hell are we gonna open a restaurant with that?
How are we even gonna pay our bills?
Huh? Think about that?
No, you didn't.
All right. All right.
I get it okay.
Excuse me for trying to find some holiday cheer.
God. It was this close.
I mean, it was this close.
I had it in me hand. I had it.
We had it. We could smell it.
We could taste it.
Then the bloody roof comes open and...
(grunting)
God, it's always the same, Colin.
It's always the same.
It's always the sa...
I thought those were against the rules, love?
(chuckles)
(LIGHTER CLICKS)
What the hell.
It's Christmas.
(INDISTINCT LYRICS IN BACKGROUND)
Now that is
how you spread holiday feckin' cheer.
Ho, ho, ho.
PILOT ON SPEAKER: Good morning. And Merry Christmas.
We're ready to depart.
Flying time is roughly eight hours to Paris.
Weather?
Well, it looks like you've got clear skies ahead.
Enjoy your flight.
(♪♪♪)
What the...
Morning, sir. We are ready for takeoff.
I kindly ask that you fasten your seatbelt
and I'll stow away this tray table.
Oh yeah, I... I will. I will.
I just... I just have to finish one...
There has to be a mistake.
Has to be a mistake.
No.
No, no, no.
Oh, oh, oh, they... they took it!
- Sir, are you okay? - They took it! Oh.
They took... they took it.
Okay, well.
We are ready to push back for takeoff.
Unless you'd like to remain here.
No, no, I can't... I can't stay here.
Okay, well great.
Well, sit back, relax, and enjoy your flight to Paris.
I can't sit here.
FLIGHT ATTENDANT: Let me get this tray for you.
(panting)
I can't sit here.
And Merry Christmas.
(♪♪♪)
Hey, can I ask you guys a question?
I saw something weird on Chip's computer, and it...
Probably nothing, but I checked my last paycheck
and I calculated out all the social security, taxes,
all that, and I'm pretty sure I'm like 14 bucks short.
14 whole dollars?
Oh, wow!
Our financial woes are solved.
I'm not saying it's going to solve all our problems,
you mouthy leprechaun.
I'm just wondering where the money is going.
Is anybody else curious?
- Not really. - ANNA: Anyone?
Okay. Whatever.
I'm getting another beer.
No, Anna, Anna, Anna.
No, seriously, Anna. Anna!
Yes?
TERRY: While you're up there, would you?
No.
- Geez, would you look at that? - Terry!
MANNY: You talk too much.
Ow.
Just take that and chill, will ya?
(INDISTINCT CHATTER IN BACKGROUND)
MANNY: I'm curious.
You asked if anyone was curious.
I am.
Have you made sense of any of this yet?
All my checks are short.
Maybe it's nothing, but I don't know, a couple bucks
from every employee spread over enough years.
BARTENDER: What'll it be?
ANNA: Uh, another beer.
MANNY: I'll have a martini.
What?
Nothing.
I didn't know I was sitting next to 007.
Well, there's a lot of things you don't know about me.
Well, for instance, do you know how
I got to be a 30-year-old busboy?
I kind of figured it's none of my business.
Is there a story there?
It's more like a cautionary tale.
But what you're seeing here, these are regularities,
and they don't happen by accident.
For instance,
let's say you're a business owner,
and let's say you do your payroll in-house, as Chip does.
- ANNA: Mm-hmm. - You can create a program
that skims just a little off the top
of each and every paycheck you write.
ANNA: Hmm.
And if you add up all those paychecks,
all that skimming,
and spread it out over a bunch of years...
It could add up to something.
So wait, how did you become a 30-year-old busboy?
Just because you're good at a thing,
doesn't mean that thing's good for you.
Look, I've made some mistakes,
but I've paid my debt to society.
To all of society?
What, did you have to use one of those big novelty checks?
What I'm saying is, I'm on a different path now.
Okay.
Well, let's imagine you're back on your old path.
You've created this program that's rigging the numbers,
so that money is taken out, but no one can tell
that it's missing.
Where would you stash all that money?
My guess?
It'd be held in a privately-held account.
The offshore variety.
(indistinct chatter in background)
MANNY: You okay?
Since we're talking about old paths,
When I got pregnant with Teddy, my ex just left.
Suddenly, we had nothing.
And now Chip is gonna do the same thing.
He's taking what he wants from us,
and he's just gonna walk away.
Yeah, most people are like that.
Most people. Not everyone.
But this money that he's taking
from us, if he is stashing it in an offshore account, I...
Look, money can be taken from anywhere.
Anywhere.
What you need is someone who knows their way
around such things.
ANNA: And if you were to steal money that's already been stolen?
MANNY: Who could he report it to?
(♪♪♪)
ANNA: Let me get these empties out of the way.
I assume another round for everyone?
HECTOR: Yep.
Why... why are you collecting empties?
Where's Manny?
Couldn't tell ya. Maybe he's running late.
Running late?
My favorite night of the year by the busboy's running late.
(chuckles)
What are you gonna do, Chip?
Fire him?
Again?
(laughs)
All right, so uh, gentlemen, and lady?
I'll be back with those drinks.
(♪♪♪)
- Hey, hey. - Whoa, whoa, you scared me.
Sorry, hey.
Hey, what... what are you doing back here?
Shouldn't... shouldn't you be on the bar doing
like, bar... bartending stuff for the...
Yeah, yeah.
I was.
So, why do you care?
Chip just asked for um, whiskey shots
for his poker squad.
So, yeah, could you...
When... when did he ask for that?
I thought you were doing your... your napkin inventory.
I was... it was like...
it was right before my napkins time
he asked for...
Anna, I'd just... I'd really love it
if you could just pour me the shots.
Can you do that for me?
Sure. Yep.
I... of course. I just gotta go.
PAUL: So you're not gonna do that? ♪
No, there's this thing that I have to do first.
PAUL: I'll just do it.
So like... like I do everything around here.
Great. Awesome.
- PAUL: Thanks, Anna. - You're welcome, Paul.
(♪♪♪)
(grunts)
(♪♪♪)
TERRY: Now keep those hands raising.
Oh my God,
Terry, you have the world's worst timing.
Even worse than your John Wayne impersonation.
Which is really bad.
TERRY: Enough! Oh, listen.
I want everybody's money right here, right now.
And I want all the money that's in the safe now, okay?
- You came. - Of course.
(chuckles)
No.
Have you been hearing what's going on over there?
I think the Irish brothers are robbing Chip's poker game.
Are you sure that's exactly what's happening?
Look at that. You got in.
ANNA: Yeah, turns out,
the internet can teach you how to do pretty much everything.
Well, maybe not everything.
CHIP: Sonny, you want a piece of Golden Gloves, huh?
SONNY: Oh yeah.
CHIP: Is that what you want? Yeah?
(grunting, laughing in background)
SONNY: Your old man bought you those Golden Gloves.
What the hell's going on out there?
I think Chip and Sonny are fighting.
Can't believe I actually used to work here.
We're done.
ANNA: That's it?
Set up everything exactly like we discussed.
Everything else is in your hands.
And you gave yourself a cut, right?
No.
What?
No, Manny, this can't be for nothing.
It's not.
TERRY: The money, they've got the money,
they've got the money!
We gotta go.
Yeah.
ANNA: Come on.
You know, a week ago, if somebody would've asked me
what I was doing for Christmas,
I probably wouldn't have said this.
ANNA: Yeah.
Crawling threw an HVAC like Bruce Will... dammit.
- What? What's the matter? - No, no, it's nothing.
It's just, if Paul were here, do you know what he'd say?
- This is just like... - Don't even say it.
TERRY: Give me that money.
(indistinct shouting)
What the hell is going on down there?
MANNY: Knowing these people?
Probably something really stupid.
COLIN: Guys, let go! Guys!
(GUNSHOTS)
(GASPS)
ANNA: We gotta go.
(♪♪♪)
(grunts)
(gasps)
(Anna coughs)
(♪♪♪)
Anna?
How... how did... did you...
What?
(grunts)
Well, you see...
I can explain.
(♪♪♪)
(PHONE RINGING)
Who is bothering me on Christmas morning?
Maybe it's Chip.
Needs someone to bail him out of jail.
Dick.
No.
- What? - No way!
PAUL: What?
NIKKI: I mean,
I know it's a cliché to say it's a Christmas miracle,
but this?
This is a Christmas miracle!
What are you do... is this...
- NIKKI: Baby? - PAUL: Wait, wait, wait, wait.
(screams)
PAUL: Is this for real?
"From your secret payroll Santa."
Secret payroll Santa. What is that?
Secret payroll Santa!
Payroll.
What... did Anna like...
She must have.
Oh my God. We have $20,000.
We have $20,000!
(screams, laughs)
Okay, um...
Let's... let's go.
Let's go somewhere. Let's go, let's go.
Do you wanna go to Florida? Like, right now?
- Yes. Yes. - PAUL: Let's go, right?
But we should do something else first.
Oh. Yeah, big time.
Mm, let's go.
TERRY & COLIN: Olé! Olé! Olé! Olé!
Olé! Olé!
We're gonna serve breakfast, gourmet breakfast!
All day long!
Oh, oh, I love Denver omelettes!
Possibly a little more gourmet than that.
But if my brother wants Denver omelettes,
he gets Denver omelettes.
We're really doing this,
aren't we, little brother Collie!
We're really doing this, big brother Terry!
NIKKI: Oh, hey!
Merry Christmas, we're moving to Florida!
Wooh!
Merry Christmas back at ya, you crazy kids!
Hey, do you think?
Payroll Santa?
Oh!
Something tells me payroll Santa
came down all our chimneys this Christmas!
(laughing)
Come on!
(DOOR CLOSES)
(ENGINE STARTS)
(TYPING ON PHONE)
(♪♪♪)
JAKE: Coming back inside?
Teddy's losing his mind about the bike.
The kid's already out front trying to ride it.
ANNA: I'm coming.
Just had to take care of some last-minute gifts.
You really made him pay, huh?
Well, technically, I made him pay back.
Good.
Let someone like him know what it feels like
to be someone like us.
Hey, uh, I heard you had some help.
That little job of yours.
No.
No one else.
JAKE: Anna.
I'mma make sure that Teddy isn't riding his bike
into traffic.
ANNA: Little early for a date, aren't you?
Yeah, well,
you know, I was thinking about Teddy's gift, and um,
you can't have a bike without a bell on it.
Is that so?
That's right.
(BELL RINGING)
I mean, after all, you're the Christmas movie extra.
So isn't something good supposed to happen
every time the bell rings?
You tell me.
(♪♪♪)
♪ It's December 2nd ♪
♪ The snow begins to fall ♪
♪ Babe, I'm getting ready ♪
♪ Gonna have ball ♪
♪ So babe, let's hang our stocking ♪
♪ And put those presents beneath the tree ♪
♪ 'Cause, baby, it's that time of year again ♪
♪ Christmas is here ♪
♪ It's time for celebrations ♪
♪ The holidays are coming ♪
♪ I'm gonna grab another drink if that guy, cheeky, winky ♪
♪ No, it's time to have some fun ♪
♪ We'll get the champagne flowing ♪
♪ And toast away another year ♪
♪ 'Cause, baby, it's that time of year again ♪
♪ Christmas is here ♪
♪ Come on, baby, let's raise our glasses ♪
♪ Because Christmas time is here ♪
♪ It's time for singing and dancing ♪
♪ Baby, let's spread the Christmas ♪
♪ No, spread a little Christmas ♪
♪ Christmas cheer ♪
♪ Come on, baby, let's raise our glasses ♪
♪ Because Christmas time is here ♪
♪ It's time for singing and dancing ♪
♪ Baby, let's spread a Christmas cheer ♪
♪ Come on, baby, let's raise our glasses ♪
♪ Wooh ♪
♪ Don't you know it's Christmas time ♪
♪ No, it's time for singing and dancing ♪
♪ Baby, let's spread a Christmas cheer ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ Spread a little Christmas ♪
♪ Christmas cheer ♪
♪ No, no, no, no, no, no ♪
♪ Yeah, oh ♪
♪ Christmas cheer ♪
♪ No, no, no, no, no ♪
♪ Christmas, Christmas cheer ♪
♪ Oh whoa, no, no, no ♪