(suspenseful music)
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(ominous music)
- [Host] Look at these pitiful humans.
So easy in this digital age to create a room for my souls.
They come and chat and reveal their most inner secrets,
and all I have to do is collect.
One by one, I will take them like a Thanksgiving banquet.
Well, let's start with a taster
before we move on to the mains.
Jeff is just in it for her money.
Now, this is a tasty main course.
Mummy, are you dead, are you?
Maybe she's waiting for him.
- Hey, Annie, I thought I'd send you a video message
rather than text you 'cause I know you're driving right now.
I've just got to Mom's house now.
I've brought my suit for the funeral tomorrow,
so I've got everything I need.
I've got stuff I'm sure I did get.
(paper rustling)
Yeah, I haven't been here in a while.
I will see you at five o'clock, it's three o'clock now,
so yeah, I hope your drive's going okay.
See you in a bit.
(door rattling) (vehicle droning)
(bag rustling) (vehicle droning)
(door thumping)
(footsteps thumping) (keys rattling)
(door rattling)
(keys rattling) (message binging)
Hey Annie, I'm just checking in.
It's almost five o'clock
and I've not heard from you yet so.
(footsteps thumping) (birds chirping)
(lock rattling)
(footsteps thumping) (birds chirping)
Annie, I just wanted to check you're okay
'cause it's after five now.
Please do text me 'cause I want to.
(door rattling) (woman sobbing)
(ominous music)
(camera rattling) (ominous music continues)
(ominous music continues)
(ominous music continues) (lid thumping)
I just hope you're okay.
(door rattling)
(alarm scraping)
(sheets rustling)
(footsteps scuffling)
(ominous music) (footsteps scuffling)
(door rattling)
(ominous music continues) (footsteps scuffling)
(ominous music continues) (camera rattling)
(lock rattling) (ominous music continues)
(door squeaking) (ominous music continues)
(camera rattling)
(footsteps scuffling) (ominous music)
(ominous music continues) (footsteps scuffling)
(ominous music continues)
(ladder rattling) (ladder scraping)
(ominous music continues) (footsteps tapping)
(Jeff panting)
(ominous music)
(ominous music continues)
(ghost roaring)
- [Host] (growls) Some say when you are intoxicated,
we see double.
Well, Ruth is about to notice
she is not the only one living inside herself, yummy.
Watch out, someone's looking at you.
(upbeat music)
- Oh god, you when you wake up and you're still pissed?
That's me right now.
Pissed and a little bit hung over
where you can feel it both, ugh.
But I actually had a really good night.
My head is hurting though.
But what else are we meant to do in this situation
that we're all in?
Got to have a bit of fun and my roommates,
housemates, friends mates, in the biggest mood possible
with me today for trying to have a little bit of fun
and actually lighting myself and light my mood up.
And I honestly don't care
because if I want to put a little bit of music on
and dance and have a few glasses of wine,
what's the issue with that, you know?
(door squeaking)
But right now, seeing as they've buggered off,
out food shopping, not even ask me if I want any food,
no, no, because it's Everyone Hate Ruth Day today
in case you didn't know.
I'm gonna jump in the shower,
put some more music on and enjoy myself.
Now I'm for a party by myself, but I am getting sick of it,
absolutely sick of it.
I'm fed up of living with absolute boring twats
who just have a go at me for wanting to have drinks.
So if any of you out there want
to have a virtual party with me, let's FaceTime,
let's make this happen, drop me a DM.
(upbeat music)
(wine sloshing) (upbeat music continues)
(footsteps thumping) (door squeaking)
(footsteps thumping) (glass rattling)
(water whooshing)
(housemates chattering)
(water whooshing) (toothbrush rustling)
(toothbrush rustling)
(water whooshing)
Oh, what the fuck has happened?
(water whooshing)
(housemates chattering)
(door squeaking) (footsteps thumping)
(upbeat music) (wine sloshing)
(bottle clinking) (wine sloshing)
(upbeat music continues) (paper rustling)
You're fucking joking.
(upbeat music continues) (paper rustling)
(birds chirping) (door rattling)
(laughs) Try not to laugh.
This is my new pad.
This is where I am going to be living now.
Yep, you heard it.
They've kicked me out.
They wasn't joking when they said I want my last warning,
and even though I don't think
I've personally done all wrong, they do.
So yeah, I'm here now.
They are going to put me in bed in there
and obviously clean out storage out with it.
But yeah, and obviously there's nothing I can do about it
'cause I can't exactly go back to my parents' house yet,
so I've just gotta hold it out.
I've literally been trying to sleep
(upbeat music)
for I don't know how many hours.
They're still (coughs), they're still at it.
(upbeat music continues)
I feel like an absolute mug.
While I'm stuck in here,
they're all having a little gathering.
(upbeat music continues)
They think I'm some sort of pushover.
(upbeat music continues) (housemates laughing)
Could you hear 'em?
He he he, he he he, fuck off.
(upbeat music continues)
I've had enough of this, mate.
(upbeat music) I am sick of it now,
they have literally had me up for hours, laughing, joking.
I'm sure they're doing it louder, just to piss me off.
Do they think I'm like locked in these garages,
so like I can't come out?
I'm gonna go pay them a fucking visit,
that's what I'm gonna do.
Go see what's going on there.
(ominous music) (wind howling)
(key rattling) (door rattling)
(ominous music continues) (footsteps thumping)
(suspenseful music)
(curtain whooshing) (suspenseful music continues)
(footsteps thumping) (birds chirping)
(door rattling) (suspenseful music continues)
It's not real, it's not real, it's not real, it's not real,
it's not, it's not real,
it's not real, it's not real, it's not.
(Ruth choking) (suspenseful music)
(hand slapping) (suspenseful music continues)
(Ruth choking) (suspenseful music continues)
(door rattling)
- Hello, guys. (door thumping)
I put all that rubbish out (keys rattling)
and I've cleaned up me acts like you asked.
(suspenseful music) (camera snapping)
- [Host] Sally is one of those courses
that gets stuck in your teeth, irritating.
You have to keep prodding it with a stick to jar it loose,
but it's still very sweet,
just like her little friend, the bear.
- Hi, ah, God, wow. (letters ringing)
What a journey, man, it's just been crazy.
I've been on such a long flight
and I'm just getting back to my parents' house now.
So I'm really excited,
about to go and see everyone (laughs).
It's just such a stunning view up here, it's so beautiful.
(letters ringing) Hey, guys, hey.
So I've just gotten back to my parents' house
and I'm just about to go into my old room.
I just wanted to, I'm just gonna drag the bag in with me.
It's quite a heavy bag.
Oh my god, so weird (laughs).
Okay, so many mirrors, that's so fun.
(camera snapping) (letters ringing)
Hi, oh wow, this is so weird being back.
Yeah, there's some things on my shelf
that are like really old like.
Ah Mum, nice, nice.
Ah yep, these bad boys.
I remember using these all the time when I was younger.
That's so funny, just gonna put 'em on, hang on.
It's quite hard with one hand talking to you guys.
There we go, how's that, is that beautiful?
Mm, yeah, these are pretty fun.
They're a little bit crooked.
(camera snapping)
Still good though, still good, still good.
Oh my god, ugh, oh, she's put that creepy bear back
in my room, why?
Mum's put like a bunch of my old toys
and it's like this creepy bear that I had when I was a kid
and she's put it like back on my top shelf.
Like, look at that, it's so weird, look at him.
Wow, ugh, Mum, why'd you do that, honestly?
(ominous music)
So I'm just in my room but I've just like,
thought I heard something so I've just woken up.
Man, just, the bear is just so creepy.
(sighs) I don't know.
I think I'm just gonna put something over it.
It's so weird.
I really hope you guys don't need a creepy bear at home.
I'm just gonna cover him up with something.
(eerie music)
It's so creepy, it's so creepy.
Hopefully now I can get back to sleep
now that it's all covered up
and we'll see you guys next time.
(eerie music continues)
(switch clicking) (letters ringing)
Hi, so I'm just waking up in New Zealand.
I've got my coffee and I'm just going out on the deck,
the balcony, the veranda to see this beautiful view
and I can hear the birds in the background.
(birds chirping)
It's such a crazy journey, it's so nice to wake up here.
(keys rattling) (ominous music)
(birds chirping) (ominous music continues)
(ominous music continues) (birds chirping)
That's so weird, the bear is just over there.
Like honestly, this is weird.
Like, I don't think anyone's home.
What the hell?
It's so creepy, it's so weird.
(ominous music continues) (birds chirping)
Oh my god, I'm just gonna keep (sighs).
(ominous music continues) (birds chirping)
Hi, so I'm just going to take you to my old library.
Just a second.
This is so weird, it's kind of like going
for a trip down memory lane
because there are so many books here
that I have not seen in ages.
(laughs) What's all this?
Oh yeah, so what have we got here?
We've got "The Flock Book,"
which with a farm and all that in the family,
you've kind of gotta learn about these things,
but man, it's so weird seeing some of these books.
I haven't seen them in ages.
There we go, a lot of chick lit in there, beautiful.
It's just bringing back so many memories, it's crazy.
(bear growling)
What's that noise?
It's weird.
(ominous music) Guys?
(bear growling)
(ominous music continues)
I just heard something.
(ominous music continues) (bear growling)
It's kind of coming from this area,
yeah, just, it's so weird.
(ominous music continues) (bear growling)
Where's it coming from?
(ominous music continues) (bear growling)
(book scraping) (ominous music continues)
(bear growling) (ominous music continues)
Oh my God, what the hell?
(ominous music continues)
That's like not even funny, what the hell?
Hilarious, good one, what the fuck?
Fuck's sake, Jesus Christ.
Put that back.
(sighs) Man, my parents think they're so funny.
Hilarious, just fucking hilarious.
(letters ringing) Hi guys, hi.
So I'm still at my parents' house
and I'm just doing some work.
Right, so I've been home a few days now
and like Mum's put this bear from my childhood,
in my room, okay?
It's a really creepy bear.
Like it's something weird, you know,
like it's real creepy.
What's been happening, I think,
my dad's been trying to prank me
because he knows that I'm really scared of it, right?
Okay, so he or Mum, like maybe it's both of them.
(letters ringing) I dunno.
They're like putting the bear in weird parts of the house.
It's giving me such a fright, like,
and I don't like, I can just feel it watching me.
And I can just feel it watching me,
watching me, watching me.
It feels like I can't get away from it.
(button clicking)
Shivers down my spine. (button clicking)
And (sighs) kind just wish they'd stopped pranking me,
like it's not very funny.
You know, it's kind of, it's actually pretty scary.
It feels like I can't get away from it.
I know it's a bear, I know, but yeah.
(suspenseful music)
Maybe someone's here, I don't know.
Hi, hello?
I don't think anyone's here.
Hello? (ominous music)
(bear growling) What's that sound?
Did you hear that, did you guys hear that?
(ominous music continues)
(bear growling) (ominous music continues)
Oh, stupid bear.
Okay, that's just weird now, like I don't know.
(bear growling) What?
Oh my goodness. (ominous music continues)
(bear growling)
Do you guys hear that sound, huh?
I think it's just the dog, hi, hey, hey.
What are you doing up, what are you doing up, hey?
Did you hear it too, what's up (laughs)?
Okay, that's weird, I feel like there's someone here
but I don't know.
(ominous music continues) What are you doing up?
Was it you, was it just you, is that what the sound was?
(ominous music continues)
(ominous music)
The bear is there, oh man, what (sniffs)?
Okay, I am just gonna like, go back to my room
'cause I don't think there's anything here but I...
(bear growling) (Sally yelling)
(camera thumping)
(Sally screaming) (bear growling)
- [Host] Oh, how appetizing,
a man who has faded to black and white.
I guess you can say he is the fish course.
I think he's a Dover soul.
See what I did there?
(ominous music)
- So I think it'll be interesting
to see just how long it lasts
because I don't think anyone knows a lot at this stage,
but need to remain positive.
(toilet flushing) It's Keith.
Can you please keep it clean
and can you please, please, please spray the air freshener?
(sighs) Just never seems to,
never seems to clean up after himself.
But anyway, as I was saying,
we need to make sure that we're working together in this
and making sure that we're all staying positive.
So I am just checking in the fridge
just to see what we have
because obviously we need to keep stocked up
during times like this.
And I noticed that there are quite a few things missing,
as per usual.
But more annoyingly, I noticed that there's no vegan cheese,
which I assume has been eaten, rather annoyingly,
because the guy is not even a vegan
and he knows that this is the only cheese I can eat,
particularly as he has yet to pay me any rent for this month
because he said he wouldn't be working.
So I basically said he could pay the money when he had it,
which is, anyway.
So another day in lockdown
and another day with more issues around the house.
Keith thinks it's absolutely fine
to leave his washing up in the sink for someone else to do.
I'm not quite sure who he thinks is gonna be doing it.
I'm certainly not.
And no doubt that the empty plates were full of food
that I bought for myself,
which conveniently disappears from the kitchen.
And he's even taken to finding it necessary
to move the toilet rolls.
The toilet rolls disappear from the bathroom,
from the cupboard.
I'm not sure why he would take them.
Maybe he thinks it's a bit of a joke, I don't know,
but no, it's not, it's not very funny at all.
So I will be having a word with him about this behavior,
basically, which is I'm not comfortable with.
Certainly an experience
that I don't want to go through again for these.
(plastic rustling)
So it was a miracle that I actually got some sanitizer,
seeing as they were pretty much out of everything today.
We will see how long that lasts,
assuming no one uses them all up immediately.
Right, well, that was very eventful.
It took me the best part of three hours to try
and get some basic shopping items.
I went to five shops in the end,
five shops in this queuing outside the shops.
It's ridiculous, and all these pillocks
who are hoarding all these items, toilet rolls,
there's no toilet rolls, there's no pasta,
there's no basics, but there you go.
So we've got two toilet rolls left.
I've put one in the toilet and I have hidden one
because I know that it'll go missing if I leave it in there.
(toilet flushing)
I don't believe it, it's Keith again.
Keith, can you remember
that we only have one toilet roll left?
So can you please be considerate?
Thank you.
Notice that he didn't make an effort to go out
because he says he's got no money so he can't.
But it's okay for me
to do all the shopping for both of us, isn't it, yeah?
So it's pretty late now, but I'm not really able to sleep
because there are quite a lot of issues
that are going on in my head.
I did the shopping today, what I could get,
but when I came down this evening,
I noticed that a lot of the items that I just bought
had actually, perhaps unsurprisingly, gone missing.
Keith has either eaten them or perhaps he thinks it's funny
to wind me up, maybe hide them,
maybe put them somewhere that I wouldn't find them.
I don't know, but it's getting really, really annoying now.
And I really need to do something
because he doesn't listen to me.
He's taking advantage of my hospitality, it's my house.
It should be my rules, but it's not, it's not.
And what he's doing is it's getting to a point
where I'm gonna need to do something.
I'm gonna need to do something desperate.
Well, another day on lockdown.
And I'm just about at the end of my tether
with Keith and his behavior. (toilet flushing)
I don't believe it, he's in there again.
Keith, can you not use all the toilet roll?
(toilet flushing) (footsteps thumping)
Keith, I said, can you not use all the toilet roll?
I need all of it, I need some of it.
(ominous music) (Keith screaming)
(ominous music continues)
(camera beeping) (ominous music continues)
Well, I think I've solved the toilet roll problem.
(ominous music continues)
- Fran is a keep fit fanatic,
but she is about to get her cake and eat it.
It's the great bloody bake off.
- Hello, so today I've decided to share
with you the exercise routine
I've been doing every single day of lockdown.
I call this Fran's Fitness Plan.
It's a mix of cardio and ab work.
I think, you know, well, this only takes seven minutes,
so I think it's a perfect amount of time
to be exercising every single day
without knackering yourself completely.
Without further ado, I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.
(energetic music)
(timer beeping) Okay, 12 seconds on the clock.
(energetic music continues)
(timer beeping) okay, nice.
(energetic music continues) (footsteps thumping)
(energetic music continues) (timer beeping)
Okay, I feel pretty good.
(pants) Who knows where I'll be at the end of lockdown?
I'll be so much fitter (pants).
Protein shakes are really, really good for you.
It is just as important
to put really good stuff into your body
as it is to do the exercises,
and especially when we're in lockdown
and we're not getting to the gym as much as we can,
these protein shakes I'm hoping
are really gonna help me keep the best shape
that I want to be, cheers.
Hey guys, so this
is my lockdown dating app's reaction video.
I've never actually used a dating app before
so I'm quite intrigued to see what the fuss is about.
Especially during lockdown,
it is actually our only way to meet people now.
So I thought let's just do it, see what happens.
Okay, I'm in, I've got my profile.
"Hey, I was writing an article on the finer things in life
"and I was hoping I could interview you," no.
"Let's flip a coin, heads, you're mine, tails, I'm yours."
My coin landed like ridge side up, I'm not.
Oh, this guy's wearing a polo T-shirt.
Oh, I thought we'd left those in primary school, no.
"Are you a pandemic?
"Because you've got my heart on lockdown," (snickers) what?
"Is heaven your quarantine zone?
'Cause you look like an angel."
These are awful, these are so generic.
I don't think he's real.
This guy says he's funny, handsome and stupid, ugh.
"You can't play hard and work hard.
If you say that, you're not doing either hard enough.
Brackets, I don't work very hard."
Hmm, oh God.
So what I've got from this is that dating apps don't in in.
So what I've got from this is
that dating haven't improved since the lockdown started.
(Fran mumbling)
I've never actually used a dating app before
and they probably seriously need to improve
if this is how people are gonna meet in the future,
and you know, for the rest of our lives maybe.
So yeah, dating apps, it's a no from me.
So I was just watching videos on YouTube
and I came across this advert for a healthy chocolate cake.
And at first I didn't really think
it would actually be healthy,
but I looked at the ingredients and it looks pretty good.
So I've decided today I'm going
to bake a healthy chocolate cake.
So I'm ready to start baking my cake.
I've got everything out, ready to go.
I've got a camera down here
that's hopefully gonna catch everything
that I do on the surface, let's do it.
(energetic music) (ingredients rustling)
(energetic music continues) (ingredients rustling)
(whisk droning) (energetic music continues)
Okay, so my first attempt hasn't gone very well.
It's way too runny.
So I've gotta start again.
(whisk droning)
See, so it goes into the oven for about 20 minutes, ooh.
(door rattling) Ooh.
(door thumping)
So that cake burnt.
(wind whooshing) Try again?
So a bit of a problem, after burning the second cake
and the mixture that was too runny, went down the sink,
I haven't got enough of the cocoa powder.
(tin thumping) (doors rattling)
(packaging rustling)
I've been looking everywhere.
(packaging rustling)
Yes! (lid rattling)
(packaging rustling)
I mean, this might be enough.
(packaging rustling)
It's cocoa powder in packets.
(packaging rustling)
(whisk whooshing)
This is going to be the one.
Looks pretty good I think.
So here it is, ready to go in.
So three attempts later, my cake is finally done.
Yeah, we got there in the end.
I'm going to now have a cleanup 'cause I'm in a mess
and I should probably get changed as well.
Here it is, cake fork.
Oh my god.
This is the best cake I've ever had, no question.
Oh my God.
This is healthy, this is healthy, tasty cake.
So good, oh my god.
I'm very proud of myself.
It's got like, like a kind of musky flavor.
I don't even know what that is.
I've never tasted anything like that.
I don't know how much of this I might eat now,
but maybe one more slice.
Oh my god (pants).
So I might have eaten a bit more of the cake
than I thought I was going to.
For reference (laughs).
I mean, it's healthy, you only live once, right (laughs)?
I think I need a long lie down.
Fran has lost the plot, the plot has lost Fran (laughs).
I mean, the proof is in the pudding or lack of (laughs).
I feel a bit weird.
(birds chirping)
(placid music) (Fran grunting)
(upbeat music) (Fran laughing)
(Fran laughing) (upbeat music continues)
What? (upbeat music continues)
Ugh. (upbeat music continues)
It was the cake, it was the cake,
it's because I don't eat sugar.
Oh no. (upbeat music continues)
In the bag, what was in the bag?
I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die (pants).
(upbeat music continues) Oh my God.
I'm high, I'm high.
(upbeat music continues)
(Fran giggling) (upbeat music continues)
Oh no. (upbeat music continues)
- [Host] Mike is haunted by himself,
or perhaps somebody else.
He's very sad, I find that funny.
This little tasty offering will have us believing in ghosts.
(Mike panting)
(birds chirping) (footsteps scuffling)
(Mike sniffing)
(footsteps scuffling) (Mike sighing)
(Mike sobbing)
(ring thumping)
(Mike crying)
(Mike sighing) (Mike sniffing)
(pants) Hi.
As some of you may know,
I recently lost my wife to the virus and,
(somber music)
I thought it might be a good idea to start a video diary
to share my experience with you.
(gentle music)
Because I need to do something,
I need to do something productive, you know?
(gentle music continues)
You know, this was meant to be our home,
you know, newlyweds moving into their first home
and now it's just me.
And you know, I don't know if you've,
(sighs) I dunno if you've lost someone,
but you know, sometimes it's almost like she's still here,
like I can feel her or something, I don't know.
(gentle music continues)
So thank you for watching this and I will,
I'll post a video again soon, okay.
(somber music)
(Mike sighing) (Mike sniffing)
Hey guys, it's 3:20 AM
and I just woke up
because it feels like someone
is lying next to me in the bed.
(ominous music) It's so weird.
I've been scared to look.
Okay, let's have a look.
(ominous music continues) (Mike panting)
(ominous music) (Mike panting)
There's no one there.
(sighs) I feel like I'm going crazy, guys.
(upbeat music)
I can hear music.
(upbeat music continues)
It's like the music she used to listen to.
(upbeat music continues)
She loved this, she loved to dance.
(upbeat music continues)
Where's it coming from?
(upbeat music continues) (Mike panting)
(camera rattling) Okay.
(sheets rustling) (upbeat music continues)
Okay, okay. (door rattling)
(upbeat music continues) (footsteps scuffling)
(Mike panting) (door rattling)
Shit. (door creaking)
(Mike panting)
There's nothing here.
(footsteps thumping) (ominous music)
(door rattling) (ominous music continues)
(phone ringing)
What the hell?
(phone ringing)
(footsteps scuffling)
(upbeat music) I can hear that music again.
So, oh god, so I'm going to go and check the flat.
Okay, here we go.
(upbeat music continues) (Mike panting)
(sheets rustling) (Mike panting)
(upbeat music continues) (Mike panting)
(door rattling) (upbeat music continues)
What's happening? (upbeat music continues)
Someone's opened the door.
(upbeat music continues) (Mike panting)
Hello?
(upbeat music continues) (Mike panting)
It's stop again.
(ominous music) (Mike panting)
I can smell her, she's here.
(Mike panting)
(upbeat music) (Mike panting)
(upbeat music continues) (Mike panting)
Is it you?
(upbeat music continues) (Mike panting)
(ominous music)
- [Host] Is Molly living alone?
Just wait until she finds the truth
behind her boyfriend's secret double life.
Revenge is sweet,
and perhaps there's afternoon tea (indistinct).
(eerie music)
- Trying to get hold of the doctor.
But the doctor can prescribe it.
But I can't get a hold of any of the pharmacies.
I dunno what I'm gonna do.
I just have to keep trying.
(Molly thumping)
(sighs) Finally got hold of the doctor
but he won't prescribe it over the phone,
he needs Gareth to go in, but Gareth said he's too unwell.
So I'm just waiting for the doctor
to just hopefully do the prescription over the phone.
(sighs) I'm getting those meds, he needs them.
So I tried to get a hold of my mom,
a last ditch effort to get a hold of these meds,
(sighs) but even she is struggling to get a hold of hers.
There just seems to be a shortage everywhere.
No one can get a hold of their meds.
(Gareth grunting) It's just.
(Gareth grunting) Gareth, honey, are you okay?
(Gareth grunting) I better go have a look.
(footsteps thumping)
(sighs) I've just tried like the fifth pharmacy.
They can't get hold of his meds.
It's just a shortage everywhere.
I dunno when we'll be able to get a hold of them.
(monitor beeping)
He's happy playing games right now in the lounge,
but it's giving me such headache.
Hey, little fishies.
You reckon we're gonna get Daddy his meds?
Yes, please (chuckles).
(Gareth coughing) (Gareth grunting)
(footsteps thumping) (sighs) Shit.
He's getting worse.
(Gareth coughing)
(vehicle droning)
(footsteps thumping)
(packaging rustling)
(footsteps thumping)
How many has he got left?
(chair scraping)
(packaging rustling) Shit.
Shit. (footsteps thumping)
(packaging rustling)
Shit, shit (sighs).
(chair scraping) (Molly sighing)
(packaging rustling)
(glass thumping)
(phone ringing)
(Molly sighing) (door rattling)
Oh, for goodness sake. (door thumping)
Take out some stuff.
(footsteps thumping) It's a mess.
It's always a bloody mess.
What's that? (couch rustling)
(book creaking) A diary.
Has Gareth kept a diary?
(footsteps thumping)
Never kept a diary.
(book creaking)
(pages rustling)
(somber music)
(Molly sobbing) (somber music continues)
Why lie?
(somber music continues) (Molly sobbing)
Sally. (somber music continues)
(Molly sobbing) (somber music continues)
How could I have been so stupid?
(page rustling) (Molly huffing)
(somber music continues) (Molly sobbing)
(book rustling) (pillows thumping)
(Molly huffing) (somber music continues)
(door squeaking)
(Molly huffing)
(phone thumping) (Molly sobbing)
(Molly panting)
(ominous music) (feet scuffling)
(ominous music continues) (Molly panting)
Yes babe, I'm just making your tea now.
(ominous music continues)
(teacup clinking) (ominous music continues)
He wants tea, he'll get tea.
It's ready, darling.
(ominous music continues)
- [Host] Here we have Joan.
She is a reclusive.
I love these types of soul, so innocent and juicy.
She's paranoid about everything,
but she's about to have the delivery from hell.
(upbeat music) - Hi, everyone.
My top tip today is a bathroom cleaning tip
and it's how to get into all those little crevices
where you know your normal bathrooms sponge can't get.
What you need to use is one of these.
It's yeah, an old toothbrush.
My mom always taught me to hang onto old toothbrushes.
So that's what I do.
What you need to do
is give it a bit of a squirt around here.
I'm just using a normal bathroom cleaner.
But if you've got quite a build of a limescale,
you can get specialist limescale cleaner.
You can leave it to work for a few minutes
or get stuck in straight away,
and then just get scrubbing with this old toothbrush.
And the little bristles will get right in
where your normal kind of bathroom sponge can't get.
So we giving it a good old scrub, just rinse it down
and I promise you it will look good as new.
So that's my top tip, give it a go.
(footsteps thumping)
(door thumping)
(water whooshing)
Hello, cleaning clan.
I would like to introduce you to.
(film whooshing)
(duster thumping)
(water whooshing)
(upbeat music) Oh.
Hello, cleaning clan.
I would like to introduce you
to Felix the feather duster.
Just some top ticks for feather dusting.
Now, Felix and I know that, yep,
you will probably normally go into the corner of rooms,
things like that.
But what you sometimes need to remember
that is often forgotten is you need
to do the hidden places that you can't see.
For example, in my kitchen, along the top of the units,
spiders like going there as well.
They think we can't see them, it's true,
but we can get rid of the evidence that they've been there.
So don't forget, once you've done,
right along the edges of your rooms,
to go into those hidden bits as well.
Don't forget things like the top of the door frames,
top of doors, that's the top tip.
Just remember to feather dust where you can't see.
(bell ringing) (ominous music)
(door rattling) (birds chirping)
(door thumping) (door rattling)
(birds chirping) (footsteps scuffling)
(packaging rustling) (birds chirping)
(door thumping) (vehicle droning)
(door rattling)
(footsteps thumping) (shovel scraping)
(birds chirping) (vehicle droning)
(door clicking) (footsteps scuffling)
(packaging rustling) (keys rattling)
(door thumping) (footsteps scraping)
I am a bit apprehensive
about how much longer this lockdown is going to go on
because I am nearly out of all my cleaning products.
Hardly got any soap left.
I've got about two squirts
of disinfectant spray left in my bottle.
I've got about three wipes, that's it.
And every time I go to the shops to try and stock up,
the shelves are empty.
How am I supposed to keep germs and this virus off of me
and out of my house if I can't clean things?
Oh, and yesterday this parcel arrived
and I don't remember ordering anything.
Anyway, I've put it in the porch.
I'm not bringing it into the main bit of the house.
You know, I have no idea what it is.
There's nothing on it to say where it came from.
I've been thinking you hear of these malicious people,
don't you, that send like nail bombs and well,
what if somebody was trying to send me a virus bomb?
You know, you get nasty people like that, don't you?
But then I was thinking,
I don't know anyone who dislikes me that much,
except maybe Trudy from work.
She's never liked me.
No, no, she doesn't hate me enough
to want to kill me, does she?
(birds chirping)
(footsteps scuffling) (door rattling)
Oh. (shovel rustling)
Steady, steady. (footsteps thumping)
(door rattling) (footsteps thumping)
(shovel scraping)
All right. (shovel thumping)
(clothes rustling)
(paper rustling)
(bottle squirting) (Joan grunting)
(bottle thumping) (footsteps scraping)
(footsteps thumping) (birds chirping)
(chair squeaking) (birds chirping)
(Joan sighing) (Joan coughing)
So (coughs) it's been a few days since I last checked in,
(coughs) and I'm pretty certain that this is the virus.
(coughs) I've just got no energy.
I've got (coughs) this cough (coughs).
I'm really at a loss
as (coughs) to how I could have caught it.
(coughs) Caught it though (sighs).
(ominous music)
(gloves rustling)
(ominous music continues) (packaging rustling)
So the moment of truth (sniffs).
(packaging rustling) (ominous music continues)
There's a card in it.
(ominous music continues) (Joan sobbing)
(gentle music) (Joan sobbing)
(gloves rustling)
(gentle music continues) (Joan sobbing)
It is from Sylvia, my dear friend.
(packaging rustling) (Joan sobbing)
It says (coughs),
"To my dear friend Joan,
I know how much you love to keep things spick and span.
So here are a few little pressies
just (sobs) to help you keep yourself
and your house sparkly clean in this strange,
(coughs) in this strange old time of lockdown.
Stay safe and see you on the other side.
"Lots of love, Sylvia."
(gentle music continues) (packaging rustling)
Shower gel, hand sanitizer (sobs),
soap, disinfectant spray.
(gentle music continues) (packaging rustling)
And wipes, that's really sweet.
(gentle music continues) (Joan sobbing)
Good old Sylvia (sobs).
- [Host] Oh, that was a super meal.
I loved most of them,
but one or two gave me a little bit of indigestion.
But hey, in hell, indigestion is nothing.
So until next time, my lovies, stay safe
and be careful who you tell your stories to.
(ominous music)
(energetic music)
(energetic music continues)
(ominous music)
(ominous music continues)