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THE FUTURE IS VINTAGE
Enough! Turn it off! I can't stand these pursuit videos anymore!
They're killing me! My head's exploding!
There he is! That's him, he's the suspect! Look at the pictures. Let's follow him.
It's not us following him, he's the one who's gotta run away.
- American style! - Yes, American style! Start the engine!
Start the engine. Start the engine.
- It's flooded. - What now?
Easy, we stop a car, get into it and follow him. American style.
We can't!
We're not in the United States,
where you can just jump into any car and pursue someone!
If we can't do the American style, we'll do the spaghetti-with-clams style.
Follow me.
Hey! Where are you going? Where are you going?
Let's call the headquarters!
- Antonio! Hey, are you alright? - Pieraldo...
Get on that bus and follow the suspect!
- I'm a police officer! Follow that car! - What?
Excuse me, this is a trolleybus, it can't follow that car.
So what? Let's just hope it goes in the blue car's direction.
Stop! Police!
First of all, show me your badge. Do you have one?
No!
What's going on today?
- I left it in the car. - Do you at least have a ticket?
- Who needs a ticket? I have a "passao". - Pass-what?
- Passao! It's Brazilian. I have a passao! - I get it. I'll get you a nice fine!
- Yeah, right. - Give me your address.
- Rio de Janeiro Street. - Rio de Janeiro?
Zip code 50012, like Bagno a Ripoli. Bagno a "Ripolao".
"Florencao". Write that down, goatee. Faster! Go faster, buddy! Go!
- Go! Go! - Am I driving too slow?
Slow? You're driving like an anesthetized turtle.
If I drive too fast, my mum will confiscate my PlayStation.
We're too heavy.
This isn't a hot-air balloon. Do you wanna fly?
We need to get rid of the heaviest weight.
- Which one? - You. Get off.
My mum's gonna confiscate my phone.
You killed me.
Is someone following me?
Police!
The pedestrian zone!
Look, I really am a police officer, my colleague's out there...
Hey, bro! Bro!
What is he doing?
Great colleague. So now you get two fines.
I'm your colleague.
No helmet, he ran a red light and looks like a thief.
- Give him our signalling disk. - Why?
'Cause you're digging your own grave.
You let a suspect get away,
you got the undercover car and the documents stolen,
and you even got two fines.
Excuse me, but... I mean, you're the one, Mr. Chief,
who put me on patrol with this guy.
I surely didn't request that.
Listen, Berlingeri, I didn't request you to be appointed
to this police station either.
An undercover investigation was called off, that's why I'm here now.
It was called off because you were an undercover guest at a wedding,
and the groom rumbled you, because you complained
you were the only guest who didn't get a party favour!
They nevertheless accepted the gift.
I accepted your transfer
because I believe you have qualities when you don't screw things up.
Now you're talking.
I thought I was doing you a favour by putting you on patrol
with a former colleague.
Mr. Chief, excuse me, but you don't seem to know him.
This guy's crazy, he wants to carry out American style pursuits.
He acts as if he were born in Los Angeles. But he's from Casoria.
I'm from Casoria, yes.
If only I could go back to my former task.
I was so comfortable in my little office at the cybercrime division.
I even had a space heater under my desk, in winter.
That's exactly your problem, Naselli, you always want a cushy job.
That's exactly what I don't do. I answer to no one, and you know that.
I arrested Scannapiecoro.
One of the most dangerous people in the world. I arrested him.
- But... - Enough!
Both of you arrested Scannapiecoro. You used to be partners, remember?
- Then he became my wife's partner. - They had broken up two years earlier.
I didn't steal his wife.
He discredited me in front of my daughter,
and our relationship has gotten worse.
Her birthday's coming up and I need to recover our relationship.
I might take her to that concert...
Tomorrow you'll be both on patrol at the park. Now out of here.
- Alright. - Not the park...
The goose park is fine...
Out!
Alright.
He sent us to the park. To the park.
Briaschi.
What's up? What's up?
What's up, Berlingeri?
I think this is yours. They stole it from you.
Even the car key is yours. You got this stolen too, congratulations.
Two robbed cops. Just look at them, aren't they cute?
The "Halloween Duo".
While the suspect you decided to pursue on the trolleybus...
What a magnificent idea, out of a textbook.
He was arrested by us. He's in the interrogation room.
Et voilà. How do you say?
Thanks to you and the pan of your mother.
It's our way of saying thank you...
- Anyway, well done. - What's up? What's up?
- What's up, Berlingeri? - You're freakin' amazing.
When you finish playing dumb, you start acting like an asshole.
We caught another little fish today.
We only catch small fishes, the big ones always get away with it.
But we know there's a shark, even though we haven't seen his face.
According to investigations, their approach has changed.
Now we only need to find out who the boss is.
That's it for today. Thanks.
Sara Bernardi.
- It must be 6 years since we last met. - Plus 8 months...
and 18 days.
- We were at a restaurant called... - At Ciro's.
You were on a diet.
- A diet... - An intermittent diet.
Intermittent, right.
- How are you? - Fine.
Even though I'm the little fish here.
Of course I have access to the whole web, but...
these guys aren't thugs, who post pictures of stolen cars.
These guys are pros.
And Baldassarri doesn't consider me. He just sees me as an obstacle.
No, I mean how are you? Are you married? Do you have kids?
Oh, no.
No, I spend all my time working, so...
- What about you and your wife? - We're fine.
- Ever since we got divorced. - You haven't changed a bit.
But I don't have a wife now.
- So, we're the latest arrivals here. - Arrivals.
- Surely not the first. - No.
Speaking of first, do you remember that lovely first course...
we ate at Ciro's?
We could go there again.
Let's do this: bring me a piece of evidence for my investigation
and I'll come to dinner with you.
Antonio, let's go.
Why did you mention Maria to Baldassarri?
I don't talk to my daughter because of you.
You never talked much with her anyway.
Before you showed up, we had an excellent relationship. Now we don't talk.
Stop! Stop! Sir, wanna buy some socks?
Michelino, how many times do I have to tell you that I don't need any?
I bought 6 pairs yesterday, 12 pairs the day before yesterday,
and 18 pairs last week.
- I don't need all these socks. - But I've got 6 kids at home.
- But I only have two feet. - Then you buy some socks.
Listen, Ciccimarra, don't you have a pending judgement?
- Yes, I'm trying to get on my feet. - That's why he needs socks.
This guy's so lucky that if he gets put under house arrest,
he'll also get evicted.
Hey, wanna buy some socks?
Speaking of eviction, that's what happened when you moved into my house.
Still going on about that? Give me a break, will you?
You never got along with Matilde.
Matilde and I had a great mutual understanding.
- There's nothing on TV. - You think it's any better here at home?
My goodness, she has plastic surgery all over her body.
- But they did a good job. - She used to be so pretty.
Look what all those syringes have brought her to.
Look where you still are...
- In the end, they all look the same. - Why don't you look like them?
I have to finish off a job.
You know what?
Your buttocks are a plate,
you don't need to use the bidet, you might just put it in the dish washer.
- Why? - Because it's a plate.
It's a joke. Don't you get my jokes anymore?
You're flat here... and here.
We got on really well.
- Why did you stop? - We're going to Enzo's, the jeweller.
Maria's gonna turn 17 next week. We need to get her a present.
I already got her one.
- So who's gonna pay for the present now? - Exactly. Let's go to Enzo.
- Enzuccio, buddy. - Hey, Antonio.
- You're not in good shape. - You're right.
- The coolest guy in Naples. - We're not in Naples.
- In fact you're not the coolest guy. - Always joking.
- Well? - How's it going?
Bad times, people don't have any money, and I'm not selling much.
Besides, there are lots of robberies.
- Tell us about it... - Why? Are you a robber?
No, we're cops.
How silly.
But I don't despair, because I have my stratagems...
Anyway, we need a little precious stone for my daughter, Maria.
We'll find a nice little stone for her.
I hid the big, precious stones...
inside the putto, at the entrance.
Calling all units, head for...
Excuse us.
It's the headquarter.
Unauthorized strike. I repeat, to all units.
Intervention required, unrests at the city museum.
How can I help you?
- Give us all your jewellery! Move! - Give it to us, or I'll shoot!
Wait.
I don't have much, I'm expecting a delivery.
- Then I'll shoot? - Wait!
Enzo, buddy. Oh, you have customers.
- Good morning. - Hello, good morning.
- May the Lord always be praised. - Always.
Wealthy-stealthy Monsignors, highly important customers...
We'd better leave then.
Excuse us, we have to go. We just got a call from the museum. Bye.
Go.
Enzo, don't forget to get me a little stone for my daughter.
- The precious ones you keep in the... - Forget it.
In the putto.
- In the putto! - In the putto!
"All of me loves all of you", Enzuccio, the Legend.
Shall I say a mass for you on Sunday? Pull out the jewels, hurry up!
Hands off! Hands off! Hands off!
Police.
Stop, stop.
- Polizei. - Hello. - Finally.
- What happened, Mr. Director? - A terrible disaster.
I can't believe it, not you two...
Maria, this is a load of slop splattered all over a painting.
Understand? A load of slop!
Dad, who cares about slops, art or masterpieces
when the planet's burning?
All this beauty will be useless when we won't have any more water or food.
This is an act of vandalism. You must pay for the damage you've caused.
Let's be clear: we don't even have enough money
to pay for the nails holding the painting.
- Then I have to report these kids. - Director, you're right.
But nowadays, these kids say the right things in the wrong way.
Anyway, it's not vandalism, but an act of protest.
We're not going to let our planet be destroyed.
We're demonstrating for our right to have a future.
Who are you?
Angelo Marsala.
- Are you related to Valentino Marsala? - Yes.
He's my dad.
Give my regards to your father. I'm sorry for this misunderstanding.
We'll discuss this issue another time, in the future. No problem.
After all, they're just kids, right?
- Where do you want to take me? To jail? - No, much worse. Back to your mum.
At least she listens and understands me.
Maria, come on, a bucket full of slop on the painting?
Angelo and I wanted to set an example.
Here I am. Did you call me?
Hey, you have to come only when summoned.
You can't just show up out of the blue: "I'm Angelo."
I couldn't hear back there...
- You can't hear back there? - Yes...
- Can you hear me saying you have to get out of here? - Yes.
Then get lost.
- Give me a sign if... - Angelo!
Thank you. He's none of our concern, anyway.
Okay. So, he's Angelo. Who's this Marsala?
A rich man... I don't know. All I care about is our battle.
- Did she say battle? - She said battle.
What battle? We need to know what you're up to.
That's what really matters. You said his dad has money, he's rich.
But Angelo doesn't even seem to have enough dough for a slop.
You're getting your dad anxious. Please, don't let your dad get anxious.
He's right.
So when you want to oppose me, you both stick together?
That's too much.
- Ettore. - Hey, Antonio.
- Did you just see dad? - Yes.
- I'm worried about him. - Lower your voice. He'll hear you.
I've known him for 30 years. He's never been so depressed.
He's dejected 'cause he misses being a crook.
- I can give him a hand. - No, you're not gonna do that. Got it?
By the way, there are a few gangs in the district.
If you hear anything, let me know.
if I hear anything, I'll try my best.
But if I hear something, you'll have to give me 500 bucks.
- How many bucks? - 500 bucks for the bother.
- 500? - Isn't it fair?
I love you.
You screwed my wallet.
Wow, that's why you're a cop.
- It was just a prank. - Yeah, sure.
- Hey, this thing is dangerous. - Don't touch it.
I'll give you your badge back.
- You won't be able to identify yourself to anyone. - You're right.
Listen, next time we meet, make sure you're punctual.
Stop stealing now.
I'll give this back to you, it's too dangerous for me.
- My gun... - Well, you hugged me, you know...
Anyway, it's sunny outside.
So here are your sunglasses. They got caught in your underpants.
But...
How does he do that?
Hey, you could at least give me back my car keys.
The car!
Did you see Ettore? He keeps me company. You're never around.
- I'm always busy. - What do you do the whole time?
You're always in a hurry.
We don't talk anymore.
Dad, I'm looking for the chance of a lifetime, alright?
Something that can change our never-ending state of anxiety,
'cause we're in enough trouble as it is, and that's the truth, got it?
What we need is an American-style occasion.
Dad, an American-style occasion.
You need to calm down, relax.
No one's hunting you down. Do you see anyone? No.
I'm the one who has to hunt people down. It's my job.
Dad, I'm unfortunate, it's true.
They say we need to seek our fortune.
I bustle about and try to get by, but it's useless, I'm always unlucky.
Instead, I seem to attract trouble all the time.
I'm like a "Why-Fi": Why always me?
Antonio, the fact is that you...
are a son of art, you just got the wrong job.
You should have followed in my footsteps.
Dad, I fight for lawfulness, thank goodness.
Lawfulness.
Just walking through this house gets me anxious.
The fact that it contains works of art you stole back in '84 makes me sweat.
It gets me anxious, I feel bad.
They are real works of art, Antonio.
Even though the greatest art is knowing how to steal works of art.
Now, that's a true work of art!
I used to be the Michelangelo of all crooks!
Dad, you and I are actually colleagues.
This job is stealing time from me, you, my ex and my daughter.
And unfortunately, time...
cannot be detained.
Hey, are you already leaving? Aren't you gonna eat anything?
Global warming is speeding up the polar cups' melt.
If this goes well, my next book will be about love.
And will you write about our little, rough soirees?
Of course. I want to write about every shade of love.
- Nice. - Listen...
Number one, horizontal: "What keeps couples together?"
- How many boxes? - No, I mean like patience, trust...
passion.
Friskiness. Look it up on your phone.
"To joke, playfulness..."
"to tease each other."
Let me see if I can find some friskiness.
- Mum? - How about knocking?
The rising sea levels are getting me anxious.
I tried to call dad, but he's not answering.
- What's there? - My feet are swollen.
Come on, mum. Tell me what it is.
It's me.
- What are you doing? - Nothing.
- I'm looking for my contact lenses. - You don't wear contact lenses.
That's why I couldn't find them...
Maybe knocking?
No knocking?
- I'd better shut the door. - Thanks.
Well...
I'll find the lenses!
Calling Naselli and Berlingeri,
you've both been urgently summoned by Chief Baldassarri.
I repeat: urgently.
Copy that. We're heading for Baldassarri.
Now she's fallen in love with this Angelo. She does nothing but talk about Angelo.
Gee-whiz. "Angelo here, Angelo there."
You don't have to like him.
- I have to like him. - She has to like him, not you.
- Who has to like him? - She has... - She.
Anyway, apparently, Angelo's father is a rich man.
He's got a lot of dough, heaps of money, he's rich, a real fat cat.
By the way, come to the bank with me, I need to solve a mortgage issue.
- Hurry up. The bank's about to close. - Hey, Fittipaldi is back from the States.
- Wasn't he in a mental hospital? - They all closed in '78.
I would have paid you a visit there.
Don't get into any trouble or we'll send you back to Oregon.
- You are Mr...? - Berlingeri.
- Nice to meet you. - We've known each other for 20 years.
Could be.
I saw a house, we went to see it together.
I sent you some pictures, but you didn't get back to me for the mortgage.
I can't remember everything, do you know how many customers I have?
- You are...? - Just accompanying him.
Well then, Mr...
- Damn... - Berlingeri.
- He can't remember. - I see you have a state contract.
We could try to get you a variable rate mortgage.
- How is it? - Well, it's probably variable.
- Variable. - I could pay three times as much.
No, just keep an eye on the financial performance,
the markets, inflation, the ECB, speculative bubbles.
Those are just trivial things. Trust me.
Hands up, this is a robbery!
Join the queue, 'cause this guy's already robbing me.
No tricks, or I'll blow this place up! Stay where you are!
Don't move and no heroes! Hey, I said no heroes!
What are you staring at? Hands up, come on! This is a robbery?
- Is that a question? - No, it's a robbery, a real robbery.
- It sounded like a question. - In those bags!
Excuse me, a robbery usually lasts one and a half minutes.
Then the police arrive.
You'll waste at least 32 seconds by putting all the phones in that bag.
- Is that true? - Absolutely.
Absolutely? Then I'll blind the cameras.
At least you won't recognize me if I blind them. I'll start with this one.
Other way around.
It's the same!
- Come here. - I won't spray like this.
Look, there are six cameras. One's up there. See?
You need a ladder.
Do you have one? Can you lend me one and help me?
- You think we organized this robbery together? - No.
Listen, Batman, you can't reach it,
and even if you could, you'd waste another 34 seconds.
- Is that true? - Absolutely.
- Absolutely? - Yes. He just told you.
Then give me some cash! Hey, get outta the way.
Give me some cash! Money!
What the fuck are you staring at? What are you staring at? It's mine.
There's a band around that stack, it means it could eventually explode.
Do they have bombs?
Not "could", they're definitely going to explode.
Then they'll turn blue, and you won't be able to use them anymore.
- Is it true? - Absolutely.
Damn it! Then take me to the bank vault!
Take me to the vault. Will you take me to the vault?
- Is that a question? - What?
Shall I take you to the vault?
Is he taking the piss out of me? Take me to the vault.
it's not a question, it's a statement!
Give me the key.
Key? Who?
What do you mean?
- Whose vault? - What the fuck? It's your vault!
Or is it his? Or his? Or mine?
Would I be robbing this bank if the vault were mine?
It's your vault, you represent the bank. Give me the key.
I forgot it at home. I was in a hurry.
The fuck is he talkin' about?
The director forgot the vault key. Is that possible?
I can confirm, we've known each other for 20 years
and he still doesn't know my name.
- Confirmed? - Absolutely.
- Damn! Where the fuck is the key? - I left it at home.
- At your house? - Yes.
- Who's there now? - My wife.
Then call her and tell her to come here.
See?
You made him put the phones in the bag and now he can't find it anymore.
Right, you told me. Damn!
- Found it! - You found it?
Yes. I forgot to charge it. Does anyone have a charger?
- Oh, fuck off! He forgot his charger! - It's made of plastic.
I wanted to rob the bank! I'm a wretch! Only one robbery in a lifetime. Only once.
I needed that money so I could go sing like Frank "Sinanatra".
Damn it! Go fuck yourself!
- Remember the money's gonna explode. - Yeah, sure...
It exploded...
A jeweller filed a report. He says he got completely robbed.
Your faces appeared on the security cameras,
but you didn't intervene.
A group of demonstrators soiled some works of art with foodstuffs.
They've all been reported, except two, the perpetrators of the crime.
All we need now is a bank robbery and an attack.
- Then we need only an attack. - Shall we go to the park?
Calm down!
Calm down! Calm down!
Calm down.
FEEDING THE FAUNA IS PROHIBITED
Excuse me! Excuse me! Hey!
Didn't you read the sign? You're not allowed to feed the fauna.
- But they're hungry. - You mustn't feed the geese. Got it?
- Okay. - It's not okay.
The geese. Don't feed the geese.
But they're ducks!
Young man, operation "Watch-out-for-the-goose".
- We're in police. - Politics?
- Then do something about the pollution. - He doesn't get it. Police.
Is this how you waste your time?
Hey, smart alec, this is a very important operation.
Only highly qualified agents can carry it out.
Listen, as I said, you can't feed the geese, got it?
What are you talking about? I don't understand.
- He has a hearing device. - Excuse us.
We just need do a quick police check. A quick police check.
- Yes... Listen. - Give it to me.
- Guess who sold them to him? - Sasà.
- Sasà sells phoney stuff. - Listen, listen.
Let's try them on him, with his head in the middle.
- Don't move. - Let's see...
- No, no, these things are... - They suck.
- Put it in my ear. - Excuse us...
- Take no offence. - Let's chuck them away.
No!
What are you doing?
All this hassle for a couple of breadcrumbs?
How's it possible you didn't notice anything?
The people at the park warned us and you were just there.
Sir, we were on another case, the goose case...
- They're ducks! - Ducks.
Get out of my sight! Go, both of you!
You really didn't notice what was going on right next to you?
- What happened? - I'll tell you all about it.
Got it, Berlingeri?
What's up? What's up? What's up?
You know what? Go back to playing with the geese.
They're ducks.
I told them a thousand times. They're hopeless. Hopeless.
Did you find anything?
Just a moment. These guys use encrypted chats.
Still nothing?
You gave me an evidence stolen from a crime scene.
At least give me the time to work on it.
You told me to bring you an evidence to fix the situation.
Baldassari knows nothing of this, otherwise you'd be in for it.
But it might not be a piece of evidence.
Even though there's a recurring name, a certain "Peppe 'a Giraffa".
You're so lovely when you speak Neapolitan.
I can see the Vesuvius sizzling out cherry tomatoes with basil leaves.
The victim seems deferential when talking to him,
as if he were his boss.
You're lovely when you speak normally too.
We still don't have his number.
But the criminal had an appointment with him in a secret place,
a kind of party, where you need a password to get in.
Like those special gatherings where all the crooks and bosses meet?
Easy, I'll just crash the party.
- Let me know if you have other news by this evening. - This evening?
We had a deal. We'd go out together, if I brought you some evidence.
Yes, you're right. Promises must be kept.
But I'll chose the restaurant.
Make sure it's a place where we can stuff ourselves with food.
Not one of those...
Gourmet restaurants?
Yeah, I don't get along with "gummy restaurants".
I'm warning you. No need to laugh. No gummy restaurants.
You're right, darling, I miss you too.
But I'm on patrol with Antonio,
and he always messes things up and gets me running late.
I know, I know.
But remember that Maria is sleeping over at Katia's house today.
I prepared a surprise for us.
Wow. A rough surprise.
I like that. Usual location or a different one?
If I tell you, it's not a surprise anymore.
Pick me up after your shift and rent a nice car.
- Everything must be perfect. - Perfect and rough.
- Rough. - Wild sow.
- Hey. - Hey! What is it?
- Forget the sows, get back to the geese. - Weren't they ducks?
I found a phone downstairs.
I brought it to Sara, from the Postal Police squad.
She checked it out and found a name: Peppe the Giraffe, the boss.
- Maybe he's the one. - Does Baldassarri know it?
No. If he did, he'd block everything.
First, we'll arrest him, then we'll take him to Baldassarri. A perfect plan.
Of course. Sure. A wonderful plan.
The two of us will find a guy that everyone's looking for.
Us, after we've been demoted to the ducky goose park? Oh, come on.
- Please. - Pieraldo, I need this thing.
To redeem myself, especially towards my daughter. And not only.
Remember when we were young?
We wanted to be heroes.
Now is our chance.
Yes, I get it, but I want to stay here, at my desk.
Besides, I'm not good at handling a gun anymore.
Anyway, I'm busy tonight.
DARLING, I'M OUTSIDE. ARE YOU COMING?
I'M COMING.
What is it? Don't you like it?
Definitely not. I'm back here.
You told me to rent a car with a driver, so that's what I did.
- Come in the back. - You could have told me.
Come here, gosling. You can make out with my trousers back here.
Get a move on. Quickly. Hurry up.
- Do you remember this place? - I do.
It used to be Ciro's diner. It was a diner.
Seven years later, it's totally different.
- Yes, it's a starred restaurant now. - Very starred.
- Good evening. - Good evening.
- An entrée. - He said: "One on three."
- No, one for two. - Oh, one for two?
So we eat while he watches?
A starter offered by the chef. Lamb aspic with Spanish leek sauce.
It's like mouthwash.
Mouthwash with peas inside. Pea-flavored mouthwash.
- Well, it's... - Peas?
So, you've decided to act undercover with Peppe the Giraffe?
You want to talk business?
It's a special night, we're here and you want to talk about Peppe the Giraffe?
Well, I only meant to change the subject.
If you want to change the subject, we should talk about one thing only.
They didn't bring any bread. May I?
Waiter? Waiter?
- Yes? - Do you have any bread?
- Bread? - A bit of bread.
And also a little bowl with olive oil is important.
'Cause when you feel discouraged,
you just need to dip 4-5 sliced of bread in the oil, and feel much better.
It fills your stomach a bit at least.
Since we knew we were coming here tonight, we didn't eat much today.
But given the circumstances...
Bring some bread.
- I'll go ask the chef. - Thank you.
Excuse me.
- Excuse me, do they bring any bread here? - No, they don't bring any bread.
- They don't? - No, they don't.
- Excuse me, do they bring any bread here? - No, we don't have any.
He won't bring it. He said he'll bring some, but he's not going to.
I'll slay him if he doesn't bring any bread.
Did you talk to someone about your investigation?
I spoke to Ettore about it. He's a trusted friend of mine.
He said he's dealing with the situation.
This is our gilthead on a bed of cloves,
a cushion of burrata and hazelnuts sheet.
Shall I bring you another fork?
No, bring an alarm clock, so we'll eat it when it wakes up.
And this is the new interpretation of our veal with tuna sauce.
It might be veal, but definitely that's not a meal.
Darling, I know we like cheap places, but I think we've gone too far tonight.
We risk getting a tetanus infection.
Darling, if we want rough sex, then so be it.
Right. Let's go.
- Hey? - Huh?
- Let's go. - No, darling.
You go first. I'll join you later.
"Looking for company". We haven't done that for a long time.
Too long.
Hurry up.
- Good evening. - Good evening.
I booked a room under the name of Gaudino.
- How come? - Because the person who booked is called Gaudino.
No, I mean why did you book? 'Cause no one ever books here.
- I.D. - Okay, perfect, I'll write it down.
I'll give you a nice suite. Number 19, like the years of Christ.
- Actually, he died at 33. - Well, he used to be 19 at some point.
- Hello? - Reception?
No, no, don't tell me the boiler's broken again.
No, I need a bit of company.
So do I. I've been here since 5:00 a.m., and I'm bustin' my freakin' balls.
I meant sexual company.
I saw a lady by herself on the sidewalk before.
- Send her up to me. - Just a sec. I'll go check.
Madame, excuse me, are you waiting for bus 34 to Piazza dei Martiri?
No.
Well then, go to room 19. Someone's ready to bang you.
Are you the young man looking for company?
Well, I'm not that young. But I'm looking for company.
What's your name, baby?
Matilde Pigsty d'Aragona of the House of Ikea's Wall Shelves.
- Wow. Noble? - Moveable.
Let's cut to the chase. How much do you want?
- How much would you pay me? - 80,450 euros.
- Holy cow! Your entire severance pay? - All of it.
Rough...
Are they killing mosquitos?
I get it.
I'll bring you some spaghetti.
It's full of mosquitos here.
If they don't shut the windows, they'll keep coming in.
It's full of mosquitos, that's for sure. They brought a mosquito coil.
- Is something wrong? - I need a lighter.
In order to light this, so we can at least kill the mosquitos.
Anyway...
I wonder if this is sauce or the blood of the mosquito that got caught in it.
- Al dente. - It's raw.
Is it good?
It's the spitting image of my mother's spaghetti.
If you have a bit of room left, I'll bring you some dessert.
Considering what we ate, I have an entire pit in my stomach.
Where's the bread, bro? I haven't forgotten.
I have a mind like a steel trap. Bread.
- What's this? - The dessert.
With one "S".
It seems so lonely in this huge plate. It's in the middle of the desert.
- Do you have any bread? Bread? - I'll go ask the chef.
Is there a pig here?
Good evening. I'd like to tell you how I created the dessert.
I climbed up the Himalaya to get some salt.
Then, I went to Giffoni to pick some hazelnuts.
Then, I went to Madagascar to get some chocolate.
Maestro, may I have a word?
- Antonio, please. - No, I'm sorry.
Maestro, once the food is served,
you mustn't waste our time by commenting its content,
otherwise it'll get cold and taste horrible.
Why do you talk?
It's like when I get the bill: I let you wait instead of paying.
I make you to sit down and tell you how I worked my ass of to earn my money,
the traffic, the parking place and how you didn't bring us any bread.
- Bravo! - Well said!
Please, tell me how much you spent.
That's the way it is here: you pay a lot and eat very little, it's an experience.
- What kind of experience? - A shitty one.
Excuse me. May I ask you how this restaurant is?
It's an experience.
- Come on... - Well, if we got ripped off, they've gotta get ripped off too.
They must experience it. This way.
- Remember this song? - Yes, I do.
Wait a sec. Do you remember this one?
Oh, no. My battery's down to 2%. Do you have a power bank?
No, I have a card. Do you need any cash? What do you need?
- No, I need to charge my phone. - Oh, no. But I have... Wait a sec.
- I have an idea, we could... - What?
I have a taser. Hold your phone tightly. It'll take a moment.
It works.
Well, at least the lady on the third floor can hear the song.
What a great, rough evening, darling.
Hey, next time I'll bring my Teletubbies costume.
Where is it anyway? Is it in the garage?
Honey, I've been trying to call Maria for half an hour, she's not answering.
Even Katia's phone is turned off. I'll call Antonio. What do you think?
No, listen. It'll take me less to go to Katia's house.
- Sure? - I'll call Antonio along the way.
- Give me an update, please. Text me. - Okay, okay.
Well then, Antonio, good night.
Yes, well...
Listen, Sara, you have two choices.
You can either invite me upstairs and kiss me,
or you can kiss me here, in front of the door.
- These are the classical, basic things. - Or...?
If you can't make up your mind whether to kiss me or not,
something terrible will happen.
You need to give me a three-quarter kiss, that touches my lips here.
It's called a sloping or slantwise kiss.
It's terrible, 'cause I won't know if you really wanted to kiss me
and I didn't grab the chance,
or if you didn't take appropriate measures and I just deceived myself.
Here? Over here? Slantwise?
- Yeah... - Sloping or slantwise?
- Yes. - Like this?
How was that? Sloping or slantwise?
Spaghetti-with-clams.
Alright...
Good night.
I'm sorry this didn't happen earlier on.
Matilde?
- It's 6:00 a.m. - She's in for it now.
- Isn't anyone gonna open the window? - Yes, Katia. Open it, please.
Oh, finally. Maria.
- What a nightmare. - Why didn't you call us?
- We tried to call you. - I was charging my phone.
Don't worry. She was with me.
- Sit down. - Yes.
Anyway, I've never seen an environmentalist
in such an environment.
Better than our family environment.
- Why? - It's toxic.
Our environment? This stuff here is toxic.
Still smoking shisha? Oh, come on, it's the 21st century.
Still these... What is this?
Pittosporum and salami? What is this stuff? It's disgusting.
Tastes more like gas and cod.
Hey, you, come here.
Are you making her smoke this stuff? What is this junk?
What is it?
Canned peaches.
- Go kill yourself. - It might not really be canned peaches.
Kill yourself twice. Before and after. Go.
- Oh, please. Sit down. - You're not seeing this guy anymore.
Come on, girl. Let's go.
Maria learned her lesson. She hasn't contacted Angelo in two days.
See? I fixed everything. He won't show up anymore.
"I'm Katia, one of Maria's schoolmates."
"It's my duty to tell you that I saw Maria this morning..."
"Getting intimate with Sergio..."
- "Our janitor." - "Our janitor."
- Who is this janitor? - "Our janitor"?
- Sergio. - "Getting intimate"? - With our daughter?
Look, he has that typical killer face. Look, he's a killer, Pieraldo.
What are you talking about?
He seems like a decent, easy-going kid to me.
I'll go talk to him. I'll talk to him.
Go, Pieraldo.
Hey, Sergio, it's time to talk.
- I'm not Sergio. - Who are you?
Romualdo. Sergio's in there.
Yes?
How can I help you?
I'm one of Maria Berlingeri's fathers.
- Maria! - Yes, Maria.
- Of course. She told me all about you. - She also told me all about you.
I mean, as you know,
Maria got a teenage crush on you.
- Yes, she's in love. - No, it's just a crush.
- No, she's in love. - No, it's just a crush.
Anyway, you don't need to worry.
I already settled everything. I'm a serious man, you know?
Of course, that's the impression I got as soon as I saw you.
I thought: "He looks like a serious man."
I talked to my wife, everything's okay. I broke up with her.
I didn't get it, who broke up with who?
Who? I broke up with who? My wife.
I said to her: "You've been the love of my life."
"But I've been blinded by love at first sight."
When will I ever get a chance like this again at my age?
Bye.
Quite alright.
- Hey, gently, man. - Hey, well?
You can't come in here.
- I'm a fellow officer. - I'm a doctor, not an officer.
- A fellow of mine. - Are you also a doctor?
I'm an officer.
You must leave. Only relatives are allowed in here.
- We're somehow related. - Listen, relative...
He wants to break up with his wife and get together with our daughter.
Oh, I get it. You have a daughter.
Congratulations. You're a nice couple.
- Thank you. - Thank you.
Anyway, parent No. 2 is feeling better. You can sign and go back home.
Do you have a free bed?
- See you later, Katia. - See you later.
- Well? How did it go? - I think they fell for it.
Cool!
- You told them it was a prank, right? - No.
- I want to keep them hanging a bit. - Look, the Tuscan guy passed out.
What?
He was saying: "I don't feel well, I don't feel well."
He fell flat on his face and they had to carry him away.
No...
Can you confirm that Sergio is your husband?
- Yes, of course. - You and Sergio are married?
Yes, married.
Does he seem different lately, when he comes home?
Does he say things like: "I don't like the stuff you're cooking..."
Will you stop blabbering on and on?
- You mean Sergio? - Yes, Sergio.
Does he seem to be particularly endorphinic lately?
Endo-what?
- Like racked by hot flashes? - Excessive sweating?
Abundant heart rate frequencies?
Trembling? Is he a great trembler?
Let's be frank, during endorphinic phases, especially at a certain age,
men's heartbeat increases, and falling in love gains the upper hand...
- Sergio, darling... - Hi, darling.
- What are you doing here? - Hot flashes.
- Do you know them? - Sweating.
Did you talk to these guys?
- Abundant heart rate frequencies. - Trembling.
Sergio!
You again? Oh, I get it. He's parent No. 3.
- You got it all wrong. - You take everything back?
- Your husband needs to rest now. - Husband?
Oh, go to hell...
Pieraldo. Are you alright?
I'm fine, but Sergio's still not feeling very well.
Sergio? Oh, my God. What happened?
The teddy bear's fine. What have you been up to? What happened?
I was just trying to make you understand
that you can't decide who my friends should be.
I'm independent.
It was a prank. Just a prank. Now you know that things could have been much worse.
- It was a prank? - What a silly thing to do.
By the way, my dad would officially like to invite you
to a reception at our house, tomorrow evening.
It's time to talk.
You know which one...
You gave me a heart attack!
I'm not gonna lose sight of you anymore. I'm gonna stick by your side from now on.
I'm going now.
THE PARTY IS CONFIRMED FOR TONIGHT. PEPPE THE GIRAFFE WILL BE THERE.
At Peppe the Giraffe's place tonight.
IN 24 HOURS, THE GIRAFFE WILL BE BACK AT THE ZOO.
Are you ready? We need to be prepared.
I haven't been shooting for ages!
That's exactly why you need to do some training, right?
- Especially for your posture. - Alright.
So, first thing to do is to focus on the position of your feet.
- Yes. - Broad shoulders.
Stop breathing when you shoot. Don't breathe.
But I'll die. If I don't breathe, I'll die.
- To recap. - To recap.
- Broad shoulders. - Broad shoulders.
Upright barycentre, firm knees, and...
Exactly. Then, the barycentre goes down, down, down, down...
- Pieraldo... - What?
Are you trying to fish from the top of a cliff or what? Raise the rod.
- Headset on and take the safety off. - Headset on.
Okay. Now I'll take the safety off.
- The safety's safe? - Safety's safe. - Are you sure?
- I'll stand behind you, just in case. - I'm ready. Ready to shoot!
I missed it.
- You sure didn't miss me. - Sorry.
Did I hurt you? Come on, I'm gonna do it, I can feel it.
I can feel it! Go for it!
Not very good.
I've got an idea.
OPERATION GIRAFFE
- Antonio, are you sure it's here? - It's here.
- Is this the party's address? - Yes, it's here.
Anyw...
Anyway, we need to dress up a bit, we can't show up like this.
We need an idea.
Pieraldo, if we can't do the American style...
we'll do the spaghetti-with-clams style.
Hey, guys!
Come on, come here.
I'm talking to you, we need an idea. Come.
Come, we need to ask you a favour.
So, the fact is that...
- Who are you? - I'm a guest.
Did you bring anyone with you? Wife? Girlfriend?
No, I'm by myself.
Password. Who sends his regards?
That's a bit too easy. Can you ask me again?
- Who sends his regards? - My ass?
- Who are you? - I'm a guest.
- Did you bring anyone with you? Wife? Girlfriend? - I'm by myself.
Password. Who sends his regards?
That's the one... The standard one, I mean.
- Who sends his regards? - Kee-Mo Sah-Bee.
The baby, the friend.
- My eldest brother? - The eldest brother?
The youngest?
A great drunkard.
Are you together?
Yes, the three of us are together. We're with him.
- Password. - Shall I say it?
- You say it.
You say it.
- Who sends his regards? - I know it. I know it.
- The king sends his regards. - Right.
He loves me.
The queen also sends her regards, with her...
He knew it, he knew it...
He said it this afternoon. We even gave him a big hand.
Who sends his regards?
- Say it from the beginning. - No, that's not gonna work.
- Say it from the beginning. - Alright, quiet.
The queen sends her regards, with her...
- Stuntman. - Barman.
- No. - Stuntman. - No.
- Stableman. - Yes. - Oh!
- That's it. - Why don't you say it?
- It was easy-peasy. - Open up, beardy.
They're devising plots here, illegal trafficking, money,
real spaghetti-with-clams.
Wait, wait, don't move. Don't lift your head without lifting your head.
I mean, lift your head without lifting your head. Peppe the Giraffe is here.
- He's right there. No, don't move. - Up or down? I don't get it.
No, lift your head without lifting it.
Take a photo. We'll show it to the Chief. Be discreet.
- Done? - The battery's dead.
- Get yours. Don't make a mess. - The memory's full.
- How can we take a photo? - I'll take it with this.
They have mobile phones.
Offer them a drink.
- Thank you. - Thanks.
- Very kind of you. - Kind...
You gulped it down in one go?
Very strong, but it's nice 'cause...
It tastes strange. I'm not drinking much 'cause I have to drive.
- Strange taste. - What's going on?
- Oh, my God. Who's that? - The manager?
Ladies and gentlemen. "Red light-Green light" is about to begin.
Are they really playing it?
The prize money...
Jeez, that drink is frying my brain.
- Peppe's leaving. - He's gone. - Where is he?
- Where's Peppe? - He's not there. - There he is!
There he is, there's Peppe, he moved.
Red light... Green light!
- Hey. - My head's blowing up.
Red light... Green light!
Caribban and Cedrone, you're out.
Hey.
I know that guy. He was at my hotel.
That guy's either a cop or a sucker or a sucking cop.
- That guy's a cop. - Then you're the sucker.
Antonio, they must have put something in that drink,
'cause I feel my brain's about to blow up really bad.
- I didn't drink much. - My head's about to explode.
It's awful, terribly awful. No, no...
Look at Peppe! Look!
Oh, my God!
What's that? What is it?
A penguin!
- Oh, my God. - It must be a psychedelic substance.
An ambulance! An ambulance! It's hot, it's hot!
I'm gonna report them. I'm gonna report them.
You seem different.
You don't have teeth! You don't have teeth!
Oh, my goodness! Holy cow!
You should look at yourself!
I told you not to drink too much. See? I'm already feeling better.
And the giraffe will now get in the panther.
I knew you guys were suckers.
What's up?
Kung Fu Panda.
Kung Fu Pandemonium!
Antonio, I tried to call you, but your phone was turned off.
I thought something might have gone wrong.
But this was just between you and me.
I know. I'm sorry.
I thought something happened and wanted to protect you.
How did you catch the famous boss Peppe aka the Giraffe?
Easy. See those two guys? We do the exact opposite of what they do.
And that's how we solve cases, easy. Our special squad operates in the streets.
And that's where those guys are going to end up, on the streets.
- This is hilarious! De Simone? - This one always makes me crack up.
Excuse me.
Excuse me, can I give you a kiss?
So what does Naselli do?
He starts banging on the car window like crazy.
Why? 'Cause he's about to hit the highway.
Now let's say it all together.
What's up? What's up? What's up?
You two...
Berlingeri and Naselli with me. Quickly.
Well?
Listen, sir, I just wanted to tell you that Sara, from the Postal Police squad,
has nothing to do with this, I'm the one who asked her a favour.
Yes. Thank goodness you did us a favour.
At least you demonstrated a bit of courage and intuition,
but most of all that you don't respect the rules.
So I'll either put you on traffic duty or, by popular request, I'll send you to...
- To the park. - Exactly.
You may go. Make a toast with the others.
- Thank you. - Chief.
Sooner or later, you must tell me how you managed to catch Scannapiecoro.
Any time.
- Costanzo, did you sell your Vespa? - No.
- Ouch. Did your mother-in-law die? - Yes.
- Okay. Then we're quits. Saretta. - Hey.
For you.
Celebrating?
Well, it's the first time I happen to take part in such an important capture.
- So, yes. - Well... Time for a promotion.
- God willing. - Then you should pray to St. Gaetano.
Why St. Gaetano?
He's the patron saint of all workers, even those who get sacked by Baldassarri.
Well then, I could start praying all the saints for a promotion.
But the saints are organized, they each have their own field of specialization.
- Such as? - Such as...
St. Gennaro, the patron saint of heart patients.
You know, when people see things that drive them crazy, their hearts burst.
- What about St. Ciro? - Primary care medicine.
- And God? - 911.
I don't believe in this stuff.
We can talk it over at dinner tonight.
My daughter's boyfriend organized a dinner tonight.
Basically, he organized this party at an entrepreneur's house.
His name is Marsala.
- Marsala? - Marsala.
No, it's just that...
I wanted to invite you to dinner, but you're busy, so...
All I can do is pray to St. Anthony.
- I'll light a candle for myself in the meantime then. - Exactly.
How come I can never find anything in this house?
Where is my shaver?
Are you asking me? I couldn't find a pair of socks in my drawer since '75.
You can't find them 'cause they're invisible socks.
- 'Cause they're invisible socks... - Yes.
- How did you get in? - I used the key.
- You have the keys? - And the duplicates.
- I can't find my shaver. - You can't find peace.
You should go back to swindling, lying and cheating to find peace.
- Swindling, lying and cheating. - Right. Swindling, lying and cheating.
No. No swindling, no lying and no cheating.
Swindling, lying and cheating, shavers...
I brought something nice and warm: a sfogliatella and some news.
- What news? - Strange winds are blowing.
The old guard is getting nervous.
Rumour has it that the bosses are in a fight.
A kind of a championship.
Apparently, a guy from outside was called in to settle things.
- A big shot. A champion. - You even got his picture?
Good.
Don't spend it all in one place.
What's this? You can swindle, lye to and cheat others, not me.
No, no, are you trying to screw me?
- Those are 100 bucks. - Yeah, sure.
Then gather a few more bucks, so we can get an entire herd.
Hey, listen...
If those guys notice me, nothing will happen to me, right?
Let me handle it. Don't worry.
There's a witness protection program.
On what channel?
- What? - The program.
- What program? - You just said it: a witness program.
- Is it like "A Day in Court"? - It's not on TV.
No?
- Is it a web program? - Web?
- Is it a bit like "The Cast"? - Like what?
- "The Cast". A bit? - I mean, no.
- Not all of it? - No. We'll watch it a bit at a time.
Great. I feel much better now.
I found your shaver.
- Finally. You're always late. - What the hell are you wearing?
You said Marsala is holding a casual party.
I said we have to act casual at Marsala's party.
Come in. Look at this small place.
- Hello. - Welcome.
- I'll be right back. - Make sure you stick around.
So much for a small reception.
- Mr. Marsala. - Welcome.
- My wife Amanda. - Madame.
I'm sorry for what happened at the museum. But I assure you Angelo is a good kid.
He's a very nice kid, we both like him very...
I mean the three of us really adore your son Angelo.
Speaking of the museum, we have a surprise for you.
- Great. - Follow us.
It is a great honour for me to present my next exhibition of conceptual art.
And it's all thanks to our guest's foundation, Herr Marsala.
- No, no... - Herr Marsala!
I'm the one who needs to thank you all for coming here
to share the beautiful creations of our artists,
who are now part of our foundation.
Mr. Director...
This is the first expression of our performance art.
The title is: "Waiting".
The man in the queue knocks on the door.
Busy.
This work challenges the middle-class codes of conduct,
according to the Avant-pop style.
An urban metaphor on the sense of suspension.
Yes, yes...
The artist has been sitting there for six months.
- Wow. What has she eaten? - Bread and chalk.
Plum soup.
- Cut it out! - Shut up! Here he comes.
This work is called "Hardheartedness".
As you see, the artist uses grimaces...
Wonderful.
To reveal the thaumaturgic power of art.
Excuse me, do you know where the toilet is?
This work of art...
- The toilet... - Down on the right. - Thank you!
It symbolizes the power of exploitation in our modern society.
The title is "Slap in the Face".
I'd like to give a round of applause to our director,
who led us through this wonderful preview.
Now we can all head to the lounge.
- Are you allergic to dust? - No, not dust.
- Sublime! - Pieraldo, listen...
- Ouch! - Are you crazy? What...
Wait, careful!
- I'm Erminio Canazza. - We've already met at your bank.
Who are you?
I'm Antonio. I came to see you at the bank.
- Oh, right. Of course. - For the mortgage.
Yes, don't worry. It's just a formality. I'll take it out tomorrow.
- Let's hope you remember. - Of course, I have a photographic memory.
But someone must have stolen the camera, it's the third time I introduce myself.
You could have told me you were a friend of the bank's Board of Directors.
Oh...
I'd like to thank you all for coming. I'm very grateful.
We have so many distinguished guests here today.
Like the Deputy Police Superintendent Cerulli.
- Cerulli's here! - Cerulli's here?
Countess Lapadula. And Count Siniscalchi.
- No. It's Marquis. - Oh, right.
I'm very pleased our kids get along so well.
It was nice of Maria to help Angelo get acquainted in his new school.
Yes, we're very proud of Maria. She's intelligent and determined.
Like her mother. Even her mum is determined and intelligent.
- You're her father? - No. He's her biological father.
That's right, I...
created that timeless beauty.
Luckily, she didn't take after me, my big nose and giant ears.
She took after her mother, a masterpiece.
- Excuse me, Count... - Marquis.
Marquis. I don't quite understand. So is he going out with his wife?
- No, she's his ex-wife. - Oh.
- So you're her new husband. - Yes. Well, I'm her new partner.
So he's a cuckhold.
Lapadula... I don't like this behaviour.
Countess...
What kind of a relationship do you have with the girl?
Well, I'm the so-called "third parent".
What does it feel like to be in the role of third parent?
Well, you need a lot of patience
when you're in an extended family...
It's like a... Let's say, a kind of vegetable soup
made with bitter rules.
It's not a perfect dish...
but it still tastes very good.
Honey.
Am I right, Count?
Alright, call me Count, as long as we finally get to eat.
Did you greet to the Deputy Police Superintendent?
- Yes. - We greeted him on his way in and on his way out.
- "Cerulli's here." -As soon as I saw him I said: "Cerulli's here. Cerulli's here."
We said hello, and he said: "Look who's here."
- And we answered: "Cerulli's here." - "Cerulli's here."
I talked to him about you. He'll put in a good word for you.
Thank you.
Even though Baldassarri gives us a hard time.
If we don't do things the American style,
he knows we'll do them the spaghetti-with-clams style.
He has this uncomprehensible way of expressing himself.
Matilde, you're a writer, aren't you?
Yes. But they're just children's books, fairy tales...
- Stuff like that. - Very nice.
Apparently, your next book will sell a lot.
My husband's holding just acquired the publishing house.
Though the important thing isn't selling, it's the books.
Anyway, your family is wonderful. You know why?
- Because you don't sniff around. - We don't.
Well then, we'll go fetch Maria and go home.
- I'll have someone accompany you. - No, thanks.
I already set the navigator on "exit".
So we might be able to get out of here in 20 minutes.
Let's go find Maria.
Maria?
Oh, my God. What the hell is this? What have you done?
- Dad, it's just... - We were playing hangman and...
He lost.
Well, at least you didn't pour slop all over it.
- Are you married? - That was at my Confirmation.
- Did you see that picture? The guest. - Is that what I think it is?
How come this man, known as the "accountant",
was invited to your son's Confirmation?
- Excuse me, what do you mean? - You tell me what it means.
I invited you to my house, and you nose around, rummage through my belongings
and make insinuations about our son's Confirmation?
He just asked you a question. We're public officers.
Pieraldo, don't play along, please.
I can't control everyone who's invited to my events,
otherwise you wouldn't be here either.
Actually, I'd like you to leave now. Out!
- Dad... - Be quiet! Go to your room!
And you can forget seeing that girl again.
You mustn't socialize with lower-class people.
Out!
Go.
You even slander people now? Have you gone mad?
- Chief... - Don't you "Chief" me, Naselli!
Give me your badges.
By order of the Deputy Police Superintendent.
- But Chief... - No "buts", Berlingeri.
You're suspended from duty. That'll be it.
My dear Antonio, you have great talent, an incredible talent:
you destroy everything that crosses your path.
Oh, they sacked Matilde. Her book won't be produced anymore.
And Maria is crying her eyes out 'cause her boyfriend isn't calling her.
What about me?
I'm going back to being a computer technician,
because I came across the great Antonio.
The American guy, who wants to be a hero.
Antonio, we're not heroes.
Alright...
this is mine, but I'll bequeath it.
- Antonio... - It's a bad time.
Listen, I found out who the big shot is. The guy they sent here, the champion.
He isn't Peppe the Giraffe. You know him.
It's the Accountant.
Now it all adds up. He's still in town on business.
Thanks, Ettore.
He's been going in and out of an office for a few days.
He always carries a briefcase with him.
UNDER INVESTIGATION FOR FINANCIAL FRAUD BLOCKCHAIN EXPERT
SEARCHING FOR USED DEVICES
DEVICE WITH ACCESS TO BLOCKCHAIN
Antonio, remember you are a son of art.
Hey, sir.
- Sir, excuse me... - Stop wasting my time. I'm in a hurry.
Sir, do you wanna big "umbella"? Or do you prefer a small one?
I've got everything you need. Big "umbellas", small "umbellas".
I don't need one. It's not raining, it's sunny.
- Come on, sir, come on. - Are you starting your scooter?
- No, come on, buy an "umbella". - I don't need one.
Why don't you wanna buy a nice "umbella"?
Everyone wants to buy one, except for you.
Wow, you made a song out of that. You know what your problem is?
You can't speak properly. It's not "umbella", "Buy an umbella".
- It's um-brel-la. - "Umbella".
- Um-brel-la. - "Umbella", "umbella".
- With an "R". - "Umbella".
- Say it properly, with an "R". - "Umbellar".
Not at the end. In the middle. Um-brel-la.
You know what the problem is?
That my "R" sounds closed, but my umbrella is always open.
It's getting late, but the sun is still shining.
I could have brought an umbrella I used for the investigation this morning.
Investigation?
Yes, we're continuing our investigations.
I don't understand.
We found new clues, so...
- When were you going to tell me? - I'd better not, Sara.
- Why not? - They could suspend you.
They already suspended me. Forget it. I care about you. I care about us.
My daughter's having a birthday party tonight. Do you want to come?
Isn't it a bit too early?
No, it's at 10:30 p.m. I have time to go home and take a shower.
It's the best thing I would do right now.
But I think we'd better wait.
Besides, maybe she needs some time alone with you.
Even though...
I need some time alone with you now.
- Hey. - Hi.
Hi, honey. How are you?
- I need to go to my room. - Later.
You can go later. Why do you need to go to your room?
Honey...
Since you love works of art, and you are our masterpiece...
It's all yours.
- Pea soup. - No, no...
What are you doing?
Did you ever have so much fun when you were young?
No. Not like this.
Well then...
Maria? The cake.
- Oh, I'll go get the candles. - Yes, go.
Here you are, finally. Where were you? They called us for a noise complaint.
I can't even put you under house arrest, this ain't your house anymore.
What's up? What's up?
- What's up? - Let me celebrate my daughter's birthday.
She's turning 17, she told me. I'm gonna be 50 next month.
- I thought you were 20. - Thanks. - 20 years older.
Can we do a selfie again? My eyes were shut.
- Sure, we'll do it again, no problem. - Thanks. I'm on cloud nine.
Hi.
- I didn't expect you to come. - I never missed your birthdays.
That's not true. You missed more than one.
- Happy birthday. - I love you.
I have a present for you.
What present?
Do you mean that concert?
You got tickets?
More or less.
See, honey, I don't understand
how you went from liking trap music, Geolier, and so on,
to organizing environmental demonstrations.
- Demonstrating is important for me. - Well, you sure did demonstrate.
And that new look of yours, with all those woollen sweaters.
Dad, what do you know about fashion?
Dad knows a lot about fashion, I've always did.
When we were at the concert, all the fans started looking at you
and they started demonstrating when they saw that sweater.
You gave me this sweater.
Then dad doesn't know anything about fashion. That's for sure.
- Thanks. - For the sweater?
No, for not having made a mess again for once.
- I love you so much. Let's go. - Where go ya?
- What did you just say? - Where go ya?
- Are you speaking with a Tuscan dialect? - Is it Tuscan?
Yes. You said: "Where go ya." That's Tuscan.
- No, it's not. - Yes, it is.
You mustn't speak Tuscan. You mustn't get influenced by Pieraldo's dialect.
You must speak Neapolitan.
Your language must be grammatically correct.
- What does "where go ya" mean? - Where are you going.
You say: "Where ya goin'?" "Where ya headin' to?"
"Where have ya been?" "Where have I been?"
"Where have y'all been?" "Where have we been?"
"Where ya goin'?" "Where are ya?" What is this stuff?
It's interrogative, in the present simple tense.
"Where have y'all been?"
It's interrogative, in the present perfect tense.
- Come on. Let's go. - Transitive?
No. Imperative. Let's go, it's late.
Dad, the only verb that crosses my mind
when I think of you is: "Where is he?"
Oh, sweetheart.
Anyway, mum gave you that sweater.
- Good night. - Hey, honey...
Oh, my goodness, I fell asleep at page...
Hey, Pieraldo.
Don't act like that. I need to ask you something.
The user you are trying to reach is unavailable.
Come on, stop this silly game, otherwise we'll go on forever.
Then listen. First: I don't understand you when you speak in pure dialect.
Second: the user is unavailable.
But if it's unavailable, how come you can't understand me? Come on.
- Pieraldo, I need... - What the fuck do you want?
You need to help me decrypt this USB stick.
Only you can do it. I need you, Pieraldo.
What did you say?
I need your help.
I'm not sure if I want to help you.
- Come on... - "Come on, come on."
- I'll do it. -Are you gonna do it? - I'll do it, I'll do it.
ACCESS DENIED
- Antonio! - What?
You're right. This USB stick has access to a bank account.
- Whose bank account? - I don't know. It's a blockchain.
If you want to identify him, you need to connect the stick to a bank's computer.
That would upload the entire file automatically.
I could do that.
But how? We don't have access to their private offices.
- Fittipaldi. - Fittipaldi.
Listen, Fittipaldi, it's very simple.
You want to go sing in Las Vegas. Then you need to do us a favour.
We got you a ticket, but you need to go to the bank and distract the director.
Sorry for interrupting.
Where is this bank? Is it in the States, Pierluigi?
No. First of all, it's Pieraldo, Pieraldo Naselli.
The bank is here, it's the same bank as last time.
Got it, Andrea?
My name is Antonio. Get that into your skull!
You want me to rob the same bank as last time?
- Of course. - Do you think I'm stupid? I can't rob the same bank twice.
It's normal. There are loyal customers, as well as loyal thieves!
You've convinced me. So where am I going to sing, Pierantonio?
Pierantonio? You put our names together.
You're going to sing in Las Vegas, but first you rob the bank.
I'll rob the bank. But did you get the tickets?
- Yes, we got them. - The plane tickets.
Let's go through it once again:
what do you do as soon as you get in the bank?
- Don't move! This is a bank robbery! - Was that a question? More convinced.
- Put your phones in the bag. - No!
No phones in the bag! You'll waste time!
Then I'll spray the cameras.
Sure. You might as well spray our smelly armpits too.
- Shall I also spray your smelly feet? - My feet are always clean.
You mustn't even touch them, you only have one and a half minute to get in.
You have to get in as quick as a shooting bullet.
So I'm already wounded when I go in there?
How many times do I have to shoot myself, Piersilvio?
No, I'm Pieraldo. If you shoot yourself, you'll die and won't rob the bank.
- So I don't shoot myself before I go in? - No, after.
- Oh, when I come back out? - If you don't do it, I will.
Confirmed?
You mustn't shoot yourself when you go in our out!
You just need to walk in there, intimidate everyone and shout: "Hands up."
Hands up!
Who are you, Bob Sinclair?
This guy can rob a pasha.
Hey, make sure we keep this quiet.
- Hey. - Who is it?
Have you finished? This is my car.
Yes. We were just talking about our family history.
How do you get out of here?
Valentino.
I need to talk to you. It's important.
- Hello. - Mr. Director.
- What's your name again? - Antonio Berlingeri.
Don't move, this is a robbery! Don't move!
The gun... The gun...
Oh, the gun. I almost forgot it.
No panic, it's alright. No panic. Hands up! Hands up!
- No sudden movements, or I'll blow... - What?
- I'll blow... the horn. - Are you in a traffic jam or what?
I'll blow... I'll blow... out the candles.
Does this seem like a birthday party to you?
This thing on my face is making me forgetful.
I can't see a thing.
- The camera... - The camera's filming you.
No, not the camera. It's another word.
Your brains! Hey, I'll blow your brains out!
- That's what I was about to say. - Then why didn't you?
Stop acting like a smart alec. You should have told me before!
- Can we put our phones in the bag? - Keep your mouth shut, will you?
You're just trying to waste my time. Right, Pieraldo?
He got your name right.
By putting the phones in the bag, you waste at least 33-35 seconds.
- Right, Naselli? - Oh, don't overdo it...
Even your surname.
It takes one and a half minutes to do a robbery, before the police arrives.
- Come on, hand me the money! - Is that a question?
No, it's not a question. Give me the money!
- Quickly. Small bills. - We don't have any.
- We don't. - What about medium bills?
Are they talkin' about clothing?
- Do you have some change? - No!
- Are they passin' the hat round? - How the fuck are you giving it to me?
I can't give you anything, the cash register is closed.
It's time-locked.
- Time-locked? And when is it gonna open? - At 12 o'clock. - What time is it?
- They're arranging an appointment. - It's 11 :30.
Hey, it's 11:30. We have to wait half an hour, Antonio.
Antonio...
What will we do in half an hour, Antonio?
You're already in deep trouble, so it can't get any worse than this.
And now you're getting us into trouble too!
- You know each other? - No.
I'll take care of it. Do you like music? Do you like it?
I'll sing you one of Frank J. Fittipaldi's greatest hits.
- Go. - Here it is.
- Go. - Wait...
It's loading.
There it is.
Here it is. Marsala's name is connected to the black fund.
So is he financing the underworld?
No idea. Someone might be blackmailing him, so his hands could be tied.
Go, Fittipaldi.
Hey, we said Las Vegas. This is a ticket to La Spezia.
We can't handle this by ourselves. We need to inform Baldassarri.
No, you won't. Come on.
We have a problem.
Come on.
What is it?
You talked too much. You're gonna pay for it now.
What are you talkin' about? They didn't even give me a buck.
We finally gotcha.
Really? What for?
We have evidence that you transferred some money
on a crypted bank account, held by a criminal.
They're the ones who finance me.
I'm just returning the favour, and part of the money. Clean money.
Laundered money that passes through the foundation.
Well, at least my system works, and everyone benefits from it.
Politicians make a good impression. Entrepreneurs create new jobs.
And also the police.
Haven't you noticed that criminality has almost disappeared in town?
- Thanks to your last, excellent capture. - The Giraffe.
I don't like violence and bloodshed.
I just like to do business. With everyone.
Speaking of business...
You have a pen drive.
Mr. Marsala, I think they're still after you.
Sara.
Berlingeri mentioned a possible lead to me.
I spoke to Ettore about the investigation. He's a friend.
He's handling the situation.
- We found a new clue. - When were you going to tell me?
This party at an entrepreneur's house. His name is Marsala.
Marsala?
This clever, young officer made the right choice
and will have a long and brilliant career, thanks to me.
You can also work your way up. You just need to give me the pen drive.
What if we don't? Are you gonna kill your own policemen?
I have a better solution. You can go back to your everyday life.
I'll call you when I need you.
And you'll come back, knowing you owe me a favour.
What favour?
Her life.
Help!
- Where is she?! - No, no.
The pen drive.
- Now. - It's in my shoe.
Pick it up.
American style.
At the ear. American style.
I have a nice surprise for you.
Let's keep calm.
Hey, hey...
Pieraldo...
Pieraldo, feet wide apart...
Stand upright. And don't breathe.
I believe in you.
- You got him? - I got him.
- Fuck, Pieraldo! - What a dumb fuck.
He got me!
Take his gun!
- Sorry, honey! Sorry! - Hang in there, darling. -An ambulance!
They were all on his payroll, that piece...
There he is. Hello.
Have a good day, Mr. Deputy Police Superintendent.
It's Cerulli.
- Our dear bank director. - Director.
Ettore. What's up?
Antonio, do me a favour, will you?
Don't you dare talk to me ever again!
Excuse me.
Wait a minute...
So you told Baldassarri.
I realized that achieving results like this...
wouldn't have made me feel any better.
I made a mistake.
I'll wait for you.
- For how long? - Six years.
- Plus 8 months and 18 days? - On probation.
And with good conduct.
But it needs to be good. Very good.
Antonio.
A question...
how do you say the verb "to love" in Neapolitan?
It doesn't have a verb. You just say "to love".
- To love? - To love.
That's what we also say. See? We do have something in common.
The two fellow officers we are celebrating today,
have demonstrated their courage and perseverance
when facing the toughest challenges.
This is why we are honouring these two indispensable members
of our law enforcement with a medal for bravery:
officers Antonio Berlingeri and Pieraldo Naselli.
Our officers will now pin the medals on our heroes.
Come here. Make sure you don't pinch me.
What a nice little medal.
- What is it? Are you touched? - You're jealous, huh?
What's up? What's up? What's up?
- Pinned? - Antonio?
Excuse me, Chief, we brought some medals too.
- Right. - May I show them to you?
They are biodegradable.
Recycled.
Congratulations. Congratulations.
- I mean it, congratulations. - Ouch! My hand, my hand!
Will you now tell us how you captured Scannapiecoro?
How did you manage to find the fugitive of the two worlds?
Calcutta, Caracas, Buenos Aires...
We searched for him with every means. Cameras, drones, bugs.
How did you find him?
You wanna know how we found him? You really wanna know?
- Pieraldo, how did we find him? - How? We searched for him.
We searched a lot, very much... That's exactly what we did.
We're not lost.
Of course we did. The navigator said this was a path.
Does it seem like a path to you? It's a staircase.
Don't worry. Just follow me.
Yeah, sure. I'm dead tired, and the battery's dead.
I'm not going on holiday with you anymore. The battery even ran out.
No, I'm not going on holiday with you anymore!
You're always acting like a kid! We're not youngsters anymore!
You have to accept that, it's over!
This bike is killing me.
Take it easy, you even have extrasystoles.
You shouldn't be on a bike.
Are you crazy? It's over.
Surrender.
Surrender. It's over.
Quickly. Hide in the bunker.
No, I'm gonna do what Gaetano and Pascalone did. They didn't run away.
Mimmo, are you crazy? If they catch you, you'll never get out of jail!
- Shut up! Shut up! - Please!
How are we going to get back to the village? The batteries are dead.
Listen, cancel the Elba island.
Cancel the Elba island. I'm not going there with you.
- I didn't even book it. - Thank goodness.
We'll spend 3 weeks at my aunt's in Casoria.
She's been begging me for 20 years.
- Yeah, sure. 20 years. - 20 years.
20 years. Let's go.
- Great! He'll give us a lift. - Excellent, bro.
See? He's a respectable person. Thank you so much.
Could you also give us a lift on the way back so we can pick up the bikes?
It's full of thefts around here.
And that's how we found him.
Bravo!
- American style. - No. Spaghetti-with-clams style.
IT'S TIME TO TALK
Subtitles: Artis-Project