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Barroso! Get over here, man!
Barroso, come 'ere, bro, please!
Bro, get over here quick, I'm beggin' you!
Yo, drop that!
Yes, hello!
No, you have the right number.
This is Borovistea Monastery, what can this brother do for you?
Of course we have oil, we just finished consecrating it.
What the f--
No, I wasn't talking to you!
A brother was just asking me what comes after "our daily bread."
So what type of chrism will you be having: regular, minty?
Of course, yes!
Send the address via WhatsApp and the money on Revolut, please.
Three hundred lei, but maybe you can spare some extra,
'cause our roof was just struck...
- I brought the... - Thanks.
I'll send you the money tomorrow, via Revolut.
Later today?
Man, people have become so mean, ain't got no sympathy left...
Yo!
Where are they? Where are they, man?
Who, man?
Man, you're such a jerk.
What is this, man?
What is this?
Barroso, hurry to the club, these guys are here, twisting my...
Gimme a break, man. Who's twisting what?
Yo, stay put, stop squeezing my...
- Man, are you serious? Who's there? - Who's squeezing you?
Yo, drop that!
You should be ashamed!
I almost broke Mom's table with Mom sitting down at it.
- I was kidding... - You always pull this...
- You always get upset! - Right, upset!
C'mon, man, for f--
- What did you say, man? - Me? Nothing.
- Did you just swear? - I did not swear.
But you wanted to.
Yeah, the thought crossed my mind. But I held back.
- You sure got some thick skin on here. - Sorry!
Man, at least let me tell you-- What are you doing, hitting me?!
Chill out, I didn't hit you.
Did you want to?
The thought did cross my mind, yes.
Yo! Please, forgive me.
You're right to be upset. Here, I'll let you smack me. As hard as you can.
A smack over the ears, full force.
- No, you'll break my eardrums. - Oh, no.
Kick my ass.
Full force?
- But I get to hold on to something. - You're not holding on.
That's it. Come on, get over here.
Get over here!
- It's easy money. - No.
- At least 3,000 euros. - No.
Are we gonna be crappy to those folks?
What? That doesn't count! "Crap" is not a swear word.
You could've said that you'd make a fool of yourself.
Because it's your problem, not ours.
And it wouldn't be the first time.
- Will you at least let me explain? - No.
This guy made an advance payment. The godfather, best man, whatever he is.
- How much? - Does it matter? It's a matter of honor.
Would you mind showing me?
What, the money? You want me to show you my phone?
Is this what we've come to?
If you don't mind.
So you don't believe me?
Sucks.
How can you live, man, if you don't even trust your brother?
What kind of life is that? Here.
Some Antonia chick is calling you.
Sorry.
Right.
So who's Antonia?
It doesn't matter! Here. Happy? And that's not all of it.
I used some to buy drinks and stuff...
That's why I set it for tonight.
I'll clean up myself at the end, no one will f-- will bloody know.
By the time I finish my coffee, you put everything back.
Then we'll go wish Mom a happy birthday.
C'mon, Barroso... Think of that kid.
We'd be making a fool of him. He's getting married...
I'm done talking.
I didn't tell you 'cause I knew you'd get upset.
But I have some problems.
I don't know if you remember.
When I asked you if you wanted to be a bodyguard forever
and you said no and I told you we should invest in crypto,
'cause there's this coin, Tokashi,
and you said, "No, man, it's a scam," as you do, and...
Man, it's good that you stayed out of it, 'cause it tanked
and I bought 5,000 euros worth.
And it wasn't my money,
how was I supposed to have 5,000 euros? I had to take out a loan.
You lost 5,000 euros on crypto?
Wait, don't panic.
Do you see me panicking? Last week, this guy came up to me,
he wanted to rent out the whole club for one evening.
It had to be this club.
What was I supposed to do, not take his money?
Man, you lost 5,000 euros on crypto?
That's been said and done. Please, focus, we ain't got time.
Tomorrow morning I'll go to the bank, hand the woman 3,000 euros
and tell her the rest is coming in a week's time. And that's it.
It's 3-4 hours and you're off.
Come on, man. Will you help me?
What was Mom saying?
Don't talk to me.
So what do we do, keep quiet for the seven-eight hours we're here?
I texted her that I won't make it.
And that I kiss her.
She showed me. She was very proud, poor thing.
You told her you've got stuff to do in Ukraine.
I just gave her a random excuse.
That you're delivering aid in Kyiv.
I just said what it came to my mind.
You sent her a photo of you shaking hands with Zelensky.
Yeah, man, alright...
You pasted your head onto an American general.
You had a black man's hands, Klaus.
Okay, I lied! Is that what you want to hear?
What did you want me to do? I was too ashamed to look at her.
You think it's easy for me? That's the truth, I'm ashamed.
I know I'm a disappointment to this woman.
If you want to make me feel even worse, here. You're right.
C'mon, man...
You don't know what it's like
living with the thought that your mom is happier without you.
Come on, stop that.
That she's got one good kid and a loser kid.
That's not true, man.
Give me a hug.
I don't want to.
Just a short one.
Stop talking crap.
Mkay.
It's gonna be okay, alright?
Mkay.
C'mon, we're men.
We are.
Good evening!
THE BACHELORS
Yeah, man.
Swag!
It went down so smoothly! Make us some shots.
Godson, wanna down a shot with me?
I'll hold out a bit.
"Hold out a bit," who?
I'll hold out a bit, Godfather.
That's right!
Can I have a coffee? Milk, no sugar.
An Imperial.
- Coming up. - And a Pepsi.
Nice.
This is expensive stuff, right?
You bet.
Not like I got it at Metro for 12 lei a bottle if you get the six-pack.
You think you get this stuff in our country? Maruzio? Check it out.
That's gold. Check out the bottom.
Yes. So cool!
Interesting... I've never drunk gold before.
So... Is this where it all happened?
No, this is where he pulled her.
I believe "it" happened at his place...
Yo...
What? We're just horsing around, boys will be boys, the Zanziboys!
Man, I don't know, Melania is home with a cold.
I told you I was in no mood to party, you kept pressing.
What's wrong, Vlad? That we got the whole club for ourselves?
We're not rubbing elbows with the poor,
I'm not being hit on by skanks...
- C'mon, cheers! - Cheers!
May you have a happy marriage.
- I think it's nice. - See!
No, I was saying it's nice that it's symbolic.
But the club is okay, too.
They held mine at my father-in-law's place,
'cause we held the wedding over at my wife's in Piatra Neamt.
But the place was very... "La Gherasim."
Some folks they've got down there!
Kinda lame.
No, we had a brass band, it was...
Somethin' else!
What's up, y'all?!
Man, I told them not to let hobos in here, we wanted to have a good time!
What's up, man?
Yo, you hangin' in there?
- Albert. Brother of the bride. - Andu, good to meet you.
May you have a happy marriage, Vlad.
Kisses from your bro!
Hello, can I have some wine, please? But the good kind.
- Photo, yeah? - Yes...
C'mon, man, let's have our photo taken, quit faffin' about.
You're like Cazimir when I don't show up at work.
The snaaake!
Oh, so that's how your wife feels whenever I stop by to see her.
Yeah, more like this.
So... You admit he stops by to see your wife?
Naw, man, he won't even... Where would he... He's a guard at the mall...
Excuse me, what room for the "Letea Horses" conference?
No, it's just warming up. We have an Italian chef...
It will be hot at the table.
- Oh, cool. - A booth, if you want to...
- It's big! - ...be snugger in here.
Sit wherever you want.
- So, can we...? - Yes.
Yes, honey, I just got here.
- Get out! - Come on, man!
No, bro, you know I'm the drinking type.
I took one puff over at your place and I was sick for three days.
Screw them weeds. You go, if you want to.
Did you give her the antifungal rub? By her little bum...
What is it, man? You're ashamed of being a junky? Everyone does this, man.
Cata has a premium OnlyFans subscription.
- Yo, shut up, man. - He spent...
How much did you spend last month, Chief? One hundred? Two hundred euros?
Shut up, man, I don't do this type of thing!
Man, if you're paying, they should at least do something.
You're too bashful to even send a pic for a dick rating.
Whatcha laughing at, junkie?
I'll go outside if I'm a bother.
Yeah, go chillax, baby! Police!
Hey! Bring me one of them gold drinks.
Yes!
You're one to talk! Licking booze out of people's glasses in the club.
Listen up, y'all!
This guy licks the drinks out of people's glasses at the club.
He's a nutso. But you also have a blast with him.
Yeah, man. I'll try it, see if it's something I've never had before.
Yes, honey.
Vlad, come sit at the top of the table with the godparents.
Go sit there with the godfather.
- Go! - Sit with the godfather!
Alright, I'll go sit next to the godfather.
Listen, you took care of the karaoke, right?
And the other stuff we talked about.
Yes, we've got karaoke and all the trimmings.
I don't believe it! Catalin!
My boy! You think ya boy doesn't take care of his boy?
Guys! When I met Mela, they had karaoke here.
Without knowing it, we both asked for "Never Take My Love Away,"
'cause I know it by heart.
Do you have it?
Of course we do! We have everything... released before 2000.
- Is it good now, godson? - It's good, Godfather!
Come on, cheers!
Cheers!
May you have a good marriage! Heaven help us!
Well said!
So... What's it like to have your younger sister get married?
Older.
With 47 minutes on the dot.
You're... twins?
Yes. Nearly identical ones.
She's just a bit shorter... She's got a small tattoo here... On this side.
I have a beard, she doesn't. Aside from that...
Is she still sick?
No, don't put her on the phone, I'm here with the...
Meow? How's my little baby doing?
She put the cat on the phone for him!
Are you alright?
Are you a bit sick?
Listen, do you have it in for me? Do you wish me harm?
Meaning?
Of course they don't like it when they see that face of yours.
They don't like it 'cause the club's empty. No one said a thing about me.
Man, you look like you want to snap their heads off
and drink blood from their necks.
Professional defect.
Well, yeah, but you're not at the door now.
You don't need to scare people.
Okay? Grab those, will you.
And let's smile!
I thought we had a deal.
Smile! When you think you're smiling, we can't see anything from the outside.
Smile amply, luminously.
Like... Now?
If you don't mind.
That's it! Perhaps a bit less.
And go over, chat them up.
Ask them how they're feeling. Wish that slave a happy marriage.
That's right! See? Just find a happy medium.
You can't hear a thing. I don't understand what the actors are saying.
What actors, man? Are there any actors left?
There are no more actors like they used to be. Same as in football.
Listen, man! You can't build a house anymore,
'cause all the bricklayers have turned into actors.
Where's... Jesus of Nazareth?
The Fiddler on the Hot Tin Roof?
One Flower and Two Gardeners? The Vagabond. Raj Kapoor.
Do you think I go to the movies to see real life? I'm living in real life!
Besides, the things they do to children. I mean...
My wife said it, too. Romanian movies turn kids into idiots.
You give him a good education at home and then they're off to the mall.
What do they learn there?
Like, I personally witnessed a thing an acquaintance told me.
A 16-year-old girl, math genius.
She went to see a Romanian movie.
She's now a prostitute in Denmark.
Jesus Christ...
Melania's nuts about superhero movies.
She knows them by heart.
I thought she liked the black and white ones.
Why?
Godson, don't take it to heart, we weren't being mean.
Man, you're such a... There isn't even that much of a difference.
Yes, there is.
I just have one question about this age thing.
Does she have a job? Does she work?
Yes!
If she does, she might as well be 19 or... I don't know... 48 or whatever.
Make sure she's bringing home the bacon. Don't work for two.
Melania is very hard working. Ever since she was a little girl.
That's right!
Well, everyone had to work during communism.
Man, you really are jerks.
Hold up, man...
Did I say anything about your girlfriends?
We're just kidding...
It's all good anyway. Happiness is what matters.
See?
There is no greater happiness than to get married, you know.
- I know. - At first.
- I know. - It's the best!
After that, of course, you...
It's not quite...
But even after this great happiness passes,
it's still beautiful, because then you have children.
And everything you do, you do for them.
You no longer think of yourself.
It doesn't matter if you're a man or a woman.
You're mom and dad.
Once you have children,
you are... nothing.
Yes... okay.
- Okay. - Hey, Vlad. Hold up.
Yo! Are you upset?
- I'm fine. - Yo, Vlad!
I'm chill.
Come on, you guys...
What did we say? We didn't...
Man, look at that collar.
That's the Germans for you... You can count on it.
Thank you.
You don't like it?
Yes, I do. It's not... I like it.
Nervous about the wedding?
No, that's just it! I can't wait.
It's really not like these guys are saying.
What? That...?
Yes. Melania is very...
I've never met anyone like her.
No one, ever.
It might not seem so, but I'm very experienced with...
I've had lots of girlfriends.
- What, you don't believe me? - Of course I do.
And, yes, there's an age difference, but it's not that big.
And it doesn't even matter.
I feel at home with her, we learn stuff together, we grow together.
But have the guys met her? Or are they just talking?
They've met her.
Then it's obvious. They're intimidated by her.
Yeah?
An insecure man sees a mature woman.
- He panics. - That's right.
It's a them problem.
- You know what you need to do? - What?
Nothing.
- You know Măruță? - Andra's husband.
That's right. At some point, someone asks him... No, he asks the guy.
"Ma'am, what do you..." It was a woman.
"Ma'am, what do you do when you do nothing at all?"
And she's like, check this out, "I evolve."
I forgot to tell you something.
May you have a happy marriage.
Thank you.
And I hope you are enjoying yourself at our venue,
Thank you.
Yo, Vlad, did you invite Cazimir?
Yeah, as a joke. He's in Prague anyway, he's not coming.
- He's in the yard. Parking. - What?
Yo, what did you do, man...?
- Should I go welcome him? - No!
Man, are you high?
Man, this is not what we talked about!
How was I supposed to know?
- Oh, man! - I sent him the email as a joke!
It's not okay, man. We won't be able to do anything with this guy here.
Come on. What are you doing?
- Hold up, Andu... - I'm leaving.
Hold on, don't go! Calm down!
I ain't gonna sit around listening to this guy's bull.
I get enough of it at work, the f--
Mr. Cazimir.
May you have a happy marriage! Kisses.
Thank you so much!
Oh, looky here...
Marriage is already agreeing with you! You stopped lifting weights,
you're pushing now.
Yes!
- The missus is a good cook... - She is, yes!
Good evening! Hello, guys.
- Good evening! - Mihai.
Albert. Brother of the bride.
CEO of...
Oh, that's out there. In here...
Hold up, I'm ticklish!
Man, don't squeeze too tight, that's the hand I use to sign promotions.
Oh, no!
Cheers...
Deiu.
What?
Deiu.
- Mihai. - Klaus.
We were waiting for you to start the karaoke.
There's something I like about you, dude.
Won't you have something sleeker? Scotch, maybe?
What am I, some boomer? Gimme a beer.
- Bring him a beer! - I'd get a beer, too.
Go get it for him!
- Should I sit here? - Yes.
Cool place.
Yeah, this is where the two of them met.
Didn't you say you were going to Prague?
Yeah, those folks changed their mind.
Better. I get to hang out with the boys.
Yes, of course!
See what the youth thinks, right? Check the pulse.
Yo, what's going on in that head of yours, huh?
Whatever you want!
- Thank you. - It's all good, screw work.
We're not just our jobs, right?
- Of course. - Besides, I heard the devil wears Prague.
How? How do you come up with them? How does he do it?
Good one, huh?
Real good!
You need to start doing stand-up.
Gentlemen and gentlemen.
Prepare your throats for karaoke!
Yeah!
The Song of Songs!
What will you sing?
What the hell, man? It was working a minute ago...
I tested it earlier, it was working. I don't know what...
This was Ceausescu's karaoke machine, I swear.
With all due respect, the new ones are for newbies.
Yeah, sure, whatever.
You don't know the sacrifices I... It's vintage!
Well done! Now sing.
Son, go see if it's got newer stuff! Elvis, Mozart, all those crazy kids.
Just play it off YouTube, if it doesn't work...
Excuse me, you asked for the premium package, so I purchased licensed software.
Okay, fine. Now let it roll.
It's just that these older things act up sometimes...
Sure, it's licensed. Let's go.
That's it!
Come on, Vlad!
The first song goes out for Mrs. Melania...
"Miss," for the time being.
Listen, it's 11 already.
Are you sure we've got enough time before...
Before?
The surprise of the evening.
Vlad, I told you it's just gonna be us guys, so I brought you a...
Man, Cata, I asked you nicely!
Man, no way. It's the law of our ancestors.
The young lady is in a cab. She'll be right here.
- We'll introduce her after the karaoke... - Very well.
Yo! Get lost, man. Bring the chick, forget karaoke.
We're not gonna sing karaoke, this isn't a kindergarten pageant.
- That's right! - Karaoke's good, too, chill.
No such thing!
Karaoke and striptease - this is Vlad's big night.
- Man, I promised Melania... - I didn't even have a striptease.
But there was a traditional suitor...
Yeah. Sorry. Vlad, start the striptease already.
- I'm dying here. You'll sing after that. - No.
Please, man! We're dying here, come on!
Please, man, let me sing one song.
I can't stay long and it's a shame.
One song!
Why don't we start with the striptease first?
It's an idea! Good job.
- Come on, we're adults. - Yeah, it's best that way.
- So is Melania. - Come on, man, don't get upset.
Come on! You'll sing after that with the godfather.
We'll sing together.
I wanted karaoke first, striptease later.
Strip-tease!
Good evening!
Five minutes?
- Can you see me? - Yeah!
Okay. Now, the moment we've all been waiting for - Korean striptease!
Yeah! Let's go!
A round of applause for...
Alis.
Ali-sun-du-ru!
Cata, I don't have any cash, will you hook me up?
Gimme 20-21 lei.
Come on, man. It's about to start.
Take that bathrobe off already!
Man, she's not taking anything off, I swear.
Miss, we know a bit about dancing.
But we didn't pay for a dancer, we paid for...
Yeah, she's like a slot machine attendant, I swear.
Do something.
We've been staring like idiots for 15 minutes.
Do something!
What did you say, loser? Did you call me a slut?
Come on, please, no need for a scene right now.
Do the job you were paid for...
- Alis, no! - I won't take a test for those!
We've been staring like idiots for 15 minutes...
Do something!
Just hold on...
Well, that's what she was paid for...
Strip!
Yes, love! No, they just brought out the chicken strips
and they're only serving the people on the first floor.
Strips!
Strip!
And now... No, she'll do it...
What the hell, man? She's still not stripping!
She'll strip, but she has a whole routine...
C'mon, girlie! You're the best dancer of all the strippers,
but show us something!
Yo, you bum.
You're out here borrowing two lei and then you're one to talk?
Didn't you tell Mommy you were going to striptease?
I asked for money. I didn't have any on me.
But it seems I asked for too much. Here's 20 lei back.
Gentlemen, a bit of patience, please. She'll get there.
Another round of applause for Ali-sun-du-ru...
Yo, you lot work together? Or did you go to night school together?
Work, miss. We weren't all brilliant enough to become strippers.
Please excuse us. I disagreed with this from the get go.
What are you apologizing to her for?
Work, miss. And my boy is getting married.
That's why we wanted a woman taking off her clothes, not a form teacher.
- Stop it... - Now you're lecturing us.
No one's lecturing you, Superintendent.
Listen, I won't allow this sort of...
Oh, no! Are you going to double my maintenance bill?
Yeah, you and the pole.
Yo, geezer.
I don't bother you with your maintenance work,
you don't interrupt me on my job. Simple.
Yeah? You're a dancer, you just dance, it's like you're...
You don't get undressed at all.
Oh, man! Your humor slaps, too! Center stage!
Then let's not call it striptease, if you won't...
Right? Let's call it stripnot, since...
Well, you come up here on stage, wag your little schlong,
and we'll call it micromanagement.
She nailed you.
- Come on, Mr. Cazimir, please... - Come on, man, it was good!
Yeah, maybe it was good, but what are we doing here...
Here I am, arguing with a gray-haired man...
Never mind, you're not 17 either!
Just a second...
At least show us your tits!
What do you want? Haven't seen a naked woman
since your mother breastfed you?
You don't get to talk about my mother!
Then why are you so fixated on tits?
Barroso!
Man, this isn't normal... This can't be.
Do you know how much money I spent?
- Good evening. - This is unacceptable.
Let's please calm down...
Are you taking the piss at this guy?
Let's not get worked up.
I'm already worked up.
Then let's not get even more worked up.
Sorry, I've got nothing against you.
I made a deal with your buddy...
- Take a seat. - Okay.
Take a seat.
Good evening.
- Gentlemen... - My utmost respect.
I mean, yes, she just danced, but she danced very nicely.
Ever since my accident, Vlad, I haven't...
I mean,
I wiggle about, but I don't...
I'm not paying for this, okay?
- C'mon, man, I'll show you a tit. - Please.
Gentlemen, the house rules are very simple.
Hi.
What do you want?
I wanted to tell you I totally agree.
With what?
You were very right.
These folks imagine that if they pay, they can do whatever they want.
I mean, even with me, some guys will just...
I just finished working for some sleazeballs
in the middle of nowhere, in Ghencea,
I wiped their drool off me, and came here to find more jerks.
I'm very sorry for... everything.
Cool. Thanks.
I'm Barroso. I mean... Barbu.
Alis.
I know.
So, are you staying?
Yeah, man. Like I told him, I'll calm down and start dancing.
No, I wasn't even talking about dancing. If you don't want to, that's okay.
So you'll pay me just for dropping by?
I don't know about the money, I was just thinking if you can't do it,
it's... You can't do it.
I totally support you.
I'll dance.
Unless y'all keep bugging me. Then I'll get angry again.
Absolutely.
Want something to drink? Coffee? I can make you a lemonade.
Buddy, I strip, I don't drive trucks.
Yeah. I can make lemonade and... that's about it.
Or, no. Anything you want.
Double whiskey, two ice cubes.
I can do it.
Best boss ever! He's paying for all the shots!
That's one thing! But whose ear do I have to bite
to get a wheelbarrow filled with drinks for my crew?
Mine...?
I love this guy!
- The same? - Yes, pour me another one.
Thanks. You're sweet.
Thank you.
You know who used to love these? The former Prince Charles.
Such a cad!
Come on, pirates!
Yo, Catalin. Best party ever! Expertly organized.
The location, everything! So you are good at something,
unlike what HR's been telling me.
Now we drink for Vlad!
Shot! Shot!
Till the morning!
Good evening.
I don't mean to insist, but have you gotten through to her?
- Man, you really are very stupid. - I'm sorry, was I talking to you?
Was anyone talking to you?
Man, you're about to get your teeth knocked in.
Please, let's solve this.
I paid for her. Yes?
That's it, everyone get out.
Come on, Barroso.
- I'll tear the club down on them. - Man, we can't.
Please. It's a bit more serious than you think.
I've got five hours to pay the money back.
What kind of bank opens at 5:00 a.m.?
They do, man. These newer ones do.
What bank did you go to?
Bank... It's not so much of a bank... More like a guy.
What guy?
- Ratso. - Ratso who?
The Rat. They also call him Ratso. He was recommended by a friend.
Well, a friend. More like an acquaintance.
Did you notice that the bar ran out of that blue syrup?
What's wrong with you, it's full.
Let's go, you'll help me find the blue syrup.
Barroso!
We're going to look for...
The blue syrup, I heard you.
You took money from loan sharks? Get over here, I'll kill you!
Man, calm down, we'll hurt ourselves.
Look, man. Blue syrup. Let's go.
Too slow.
It can't be, man, no one's that stupid! For 30 years, man!
If we don't calm down, I don't know how we'd talk.
I try to be calm every day.
I try not to kill you.
And I don't know how the crap...
So is it a curse word after all or isn't it?
It's like God gave you this gift, to ruin my brains and my life!
This is why I didn't tell you the whole truth.
I knew you'd take it this way.
The whole truth?
You mean there's more?
Okay, so...
The truth, right?
The truth and nothing but the truth, you know? Like on that show...
Say it already, 'cause I don't know what I'll do to you!
Okay. The truth.
I took 5,000 from the guys. I told you that.
I need to pay it back tomorrow morning.
And I pledged Mom's apartment as a warrant.
That's why it's very important that we're impeccable tonight.
Excuse me?
Impeccable, bro. Beyond reproach.
You have a deal with the loan sharks to kick Mom out of the house for 5,000 euros?
Hold on, man, we didn't sign anything.
It was a gentlemen's agreement, just in case... But it's not.
We get the work done and tomorrow morning...
This is by far the lowest thing you've ever done.
I'm...
I'm very disappointed. It's not that you're stupid. I knew that.
But I no longer think you're a good person.
I don't know how it goes on this sort of situation, but...
Claudiu,
I think I want to break up.
Don't talk like that.
I'll help you because this is about Mom.
I'll be here till it's over.
But starting tomorrow, I don't ever want to see you.
You don't call me.
Okay? If you go see Mom, give me a heads up so I don't run into you there.
But I don't think that will be the case.
Man, Barroso...
We two are done.
Starting today, you're not my brother anymore.
Yo.
HELP IS NEEDED
Striptease! Striptease!
What's going on here? Who are they?
Oh, some friends.
We just threw a small birthday party for Barroso's birthday.
Really? Happy birthday.
Thank you.
Weren't you a Scorpio, though?
Yes, I was.
No, it's his patron saint day.
Oh, yeah?
Yes.
Bartholomew. Saint Bartholomew.
Is the day they brought in St. Bartholomew's relics and...
You're pulling my leg, so I'm calling the police.
No, Mrs. Vera!
Don't "Mrs. Vera" me. One hundred and twelve, right?
Yes.
Hold on, it's not the case.
Mrs. Vera? Could you please talk to me for a couple of minutes?
Let's take a booth for a sec and talk, please.
Mrs. Vera,
I'm gonna tell you the truth, and if you could please not get upset with us...
What if I want to get upset?
- If that's what you want... - Can I get upset?
Absolutely.
Alright.
The truth is... My idiot brother took money from loan sharks.
And if we don't pay it back, we'll be left without a house.
He'll also be left without legs, but that's not a huge problem.
And he thought of renting out the space for... a discreet party, as you can see.
Some bachelors...
It's a very bad idea and I promise you it won't happen again.
We bought the liquor, just so you know.
No one will break anything, I'll watch them. I swear.
Mrs. Vera?
I don't care.
This is my husband's club. You might as well set it on fire.
- But it's also yours... - Not on paper.
Know what I mean? It's in his name only.
So, I don't care.
- Mrs. Vera... - What? What else do you want?
Let's not break things, we'll get in trouble.
Please...
The bastard.
Hiding in the bathroom to text.
Seriously? It's absolutely offensive.
I lived with an imbecile for ten years.
Ten years!
He got himself some perfume.
Take a look.
Is this normal?
- Yes. - No.
- It's not.
- He's become delicate, all of a sudden.
I've been asking him to stop spraying deodorant over his t-shirts for ten years.
And now you're telling me he just walked into a store, smelled samples
and chose... saffron and bitter almonds and jasmine?
- Are you for real? - No.
- Tell me, man, are you for real? - No.
Shouldn't we set it on fire?
Let's calm down instead...
What? I'll set it on fire myself.
Let's not. Let's think about a little.
Okay. I want another gin.
- Okay. - A vodka, actually.
A vodka. I'll go get it for you.
But promise me you'll stay put?
Why?
So I know where to bring it.
Okay?
A large vodka.
Hey, Alis!
Where do you like it more? At the seaside or in the mountains?
Seaside.
I'm a mountain guy. It's more dangerous out there.
The seaside's dangerous, too.
How? 'Cause you can't find a beach chair?
No. 'Cause of all the sleazeballs who come onto you.
As a woman.
As a woman, yes.
I didn't think about that.
You didn't think about that.
Come on, man, how's that vodka coming along?
I'll take this back.
But I'll come back.
Have you calmed down a bit?
Man, how are you not ashamed of lying like this?
What should I say? He's been lying to me since he was two, when he started talking.
I always find some excuse for him, I keep blaming myself...
Yes! It's my fault, too!
I conditioned him to lie to me, right?
It's my fault he's now in Sinaia with that broad
and he's telling me he's in Bacau with Sergiu, looking at spaces.
Now he got Mom involved in his mess, too.
I don't understand.
It's like he's one person when I talk to him
and when I leave him, he becomes someone else.
Exactly!
At home, I ask him what's wrong with him, he says "nothing."
The second he walks out the door, he has a mistress.
Not cool, but not the first time in history.
But if I catch you, I've caught you, boy.
Don't play me for a fool, right?
Exactly! Why keep lying?
Exactly!
Exactly...
All men are scum.
That's true.
I confronted him. I wanted to understand exactly why...
Understand what?
That he needs a 20-year-old moron to laugh at his dad jokes,
whom he can gift perfume he bought her?
Is that what I'm supposed to understand? Okay, I got it.
Now what do I do?
I don't know, ma'am.
Vera. Call me Vera.
Excuse me.
Bring me another vodka.
I forgot to tell you. Real cool concept, Korea.
And the music...
And you look really nice in that kimono.
I think the blue brings out...
your hair.
Thanks.
And the way you move, especially... It's like...
Did you take ballet, or something?
Folk dancing at the Children's Club.
You can tell.
You're funny.
Make me another tea.
Listen, where do you usually dance?
If I wanted to see you dancing again...
Tell me, Barbu, are you into me?
Yeah... I mean,
who wouldn't...?
You saw me in a kimono, nice make-up on, dancing on a pole...
No, nothing to do with that.
Oh, come on.
You're not the first to make passes at me while I'm working.
You do realize that, don't you?
Yeah, but I'm not like those guys who hit on you in clubs.
Barbu...
No, I'm not like that.
Okay.
This is getting warm.
Leave me alone with that tea of yours.
Leave me alone!
You're right. I'm getting a divorce.
But I...
Hold on, I didn't...
Didn't you call him scum?
I didn't say anything. I just agreed.
That he's scum.
- I... - I'm getting a divorce.
Don't you want to think about it some more?
About what? You tell me what to do.
Have I wound up so badly?
Come.
Look at me.
Do you think I look bad?
God forbid!
Well, I do get some eye wrinkles when I smile.
No, ma'am, you're gorgeous.
Right? I'm a gorgeous woman.
Smart, too. I kept up this club. I made it from the ground up.
The design. I picked this table.
I bought these glasses. Rectangular piping! One hundred linear meters.
Perforated mesh, 50-60 sheets! Red brick.
Do you know how much red brick went into this place? One point five-two tons!
That's it, Mrs. Vera.
- Let's get divorced. - Alright!
- Yes. - And I told you to call me Vera.
Excuse me.
Yeah, man. I'll finish this and dance.
The boss sure can drink.
Is this a wolf?
Man, I can't do this anymore.
All the objects in the club remind me of you.
- Of us. - Man...
I'll do whatever you want. But my heart breaks when you act this way.
I'm gonna cry, I feel like crying.
You're doing what you did at the seaside
when you wanted to leave with that girl and I told her
if she ends up under you, she should look for your navel,
she's got two hours' worth of air in there.
Better?
I like music a lot.
I like to watch people dance.
I would love to dance.
To strip?
I mean, striptease is a job and I really respect it.
It doesn't matter...
I'm colorblind.
I don't care if you're... a stripper or...
a cardiologist.
Yeah.
But wouldn't it have been better if I were a cardiologist?
No. 'Cause if you were, you might have never walked into this bar.
Almost certainly.
Yo, Barbu. Let's be grown-ups for a second.
So, you'll ask for my phone number.
Yeah.
You'll take me on a date.
Yes.
Let's say we hook up.
God willing!
In three months tops, you'll start having a problem with me working nights...
I work nights, too.
That I strip, that other men see me.
You'll start making innuendos and being passive-aggressive.
Yeah, I don't agree, but, anyway.
I've played this game before.
Let's not start something that won't lead anywhere.
You don't even know me.
Look. If you really want this, let's get together one time.
Your place or mine.
But no texts after, with "good morning, I dreamt about you."
But I'm not interested in a one night thing.
Barbu, you're cute, but, trust me, it can't work.
Let's see each other three times at least.
This is not the farmers' market!
That's kinda what I have to offer, if you want it.
No. I'd rather have nothing than have this.
Suit yourself, Barbu.
I'll think about it?
I'll think about it.
Thank you.
- Good evening. - Good evening.
I talked to Mr. Nitu when he rented the place,
and he said he won't have parties,
weddings, christenings, funerals on Mondays.
I need some quiet.
I'm young, too. I understand having fun,
but not early in the week. I asked him nicely.
Oh, he told me.
You live upstairs, don't you? He forgot to call you,
he told me to come over and apologize, but I kept getting orders.
It's okay, I'll call him.
- No... - No, this is unacceptable.
I throw shindigs, I believe you've heard that since you moved.
I get visits from all sorts of...
women.
But not on a Monday.
- Please! - Don't call him, he's very busy.
His mother is sick.
He's gone to see her, in the village of Galiciuca, Dolj County.
That's why he isn't here. He organized everything you see here.
It's his annual meeting with...
I forget the word. You know, rich folk stuff.
Are they all...?
Yeah. The big ones.
I think it's the first time I see mason-masons.
I mean actual masons, 'cause I've seen masons before, but not mason-masons.
- Yeah. - Never.
So are there any big ones here?
They're above nine or something, right?
Nine, man? 50 and upwards. Real big.
I mean, that guy got his daughter into the London chapter.
This is why I'm asking you to show us some lenience. Just tonight.
Make an exception. For the boss and... world masonry.
Listen? You think they'd mind if I stuck around for a bit?
Just a bit.
You know what? Sit here and behave, but, please, don't let them see you at all.
You know how they are.
I'll sit here and behave. Won't say a word.
I'll just drink a Pepsi and...
Hello, ma'am!
Don't look the High Priestess in the eye.
Listen, y'all...
Yo, Vladut.
Yo! Vlad, hold on!
Listen, man, check this out!
You brought street bums to the party? Man, who is that guy?
It's another stripper in disguise!
At least she should strips...
- Man, who is that? - Who is he, dude?
No, he's...
You don't you know him?
No.
Really? He's been on TV.
No.
- Where? -"The Lions' Empire!"
Oh, yeah, man, I think so.
The man's a millionaire.
A multi-millionaire. He owns all sorts of...
All those hotels at the exit from Olimp, they're his.
Towards Neptun?
No, in the other direction.
In Bucharest, too. Everything called "City"-something...
City!
The Triumph Arch.
The National Stadium. The Grozavesti subway station. It's him.
What else should I tell you? That he owns the airports?
Come on, man... I'm not buying that.
I mean, the parts on the ground. Not all of it.
The man makes money all the time, he doesn't play. Big investor.
So, does he come here?
Yeah, he drops by. He likes to live like common people.
He didn't know the club was rented out for the evening.
Tell me if you want me to throw him out.
No! Let the guy enjoy himself!
Whatever he drinks and eats tonight, you put on the tab.
Or we can do that, okay.
Okay. Will do. Enjoy your meal!
Yo, hold on.
Yo!
May you be healthy, rich...
- Cheers, man! - Cheers.
You know you're marrying in vain, right?
Excuse me?
The wedding gown, restaurant, accommodation for the family...
It's all in vain.
You can't escape it.
- There's thresholds. - I'm not sure I...
There's one at three years. If you get past that, there's another at seven.
Then you hit ten and it's done.
- Maybe not in all cases... - Listen to me!
You'll ruin everything. It starts with you. You need to be aware.
She's probably a good girl, 'cause I see you're a cool guy.
Right?
- A very good girl. - You're also very good.
Thank you.
Now. In ten years' time you'll be a lying piece of scum.
- No, I won't. - Yes, you will.
- How old are you? - 27.
- Mrs. Vera? - It's not a good age.
- What about her? - 40...
See? In ten years' time you'll be 37
and losing your mind over some 22-year-old bimbo.
- I don't like younger girls. - Oh, you will.
I don't like them.
Want me to say what you'll do?
- Mrs. Vera? - I don't know...
- What is it, Barroso? - I fixed you a lemonade.
Let's go...
- Alright, we can go. - Let's.
You'll be petty and selfish, and break all your promises.
Let's go.
You'll hurt her and only bring pain upon the two of you!
You are looking at your future!
There, there...
A plague on both your houses!
There, there...
Excuse me, do you have five minutes?
Three! Three minutes.
Come.
Here you go...
I'm Andu, he's Cata!
The other way around.
Right, excuse me. I'm nervous.
Maximilian.
Maximilian, delighted.
Andu, delighted.
Thank you for stopping by.
I'm sorry I bothered you. I thought it was closed on Monday nights.
Not for you.
I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but we know who you are.
Yes. We follow you. We've seen all you do.
I follow you, too. Well, to the best of my abilities.
See? Nothing is accidental.
Nothing is accidental. So... The music. The lady. Everything.
Let's not waste time, shall we?
The two of us would like to invite you on a...
I don't even know what to call it.
- A journey? - An adventure!
Amazing. People wonder how this sort of "adventure" begins.
And it's actually all that simple. You just have to work. To learn.
And to patiently await to be seen by the right people.
Did you hear that?
Bro, precisely.
I can't believe it!
Like... That's exactly what it was like for us.
We've been working until now, we've learned a whole lot, right, Cata?
Definitely, man. You're my brother, stop trippin'.
Man, you're my brother, too!
- Who's your brother? - But who's my brother?
- I've longed to have brothers for so long! - Well...
It's an honour for us to call you our brother!
- Brother! - Brother!
Brother!
- Alright, brother. - Brother!
Did you know the French have their own telecom,
which uses the same type of antennas as most of the planet does,
because... Where do all the telecom chips come from?
From Taiwan!
Now, what if we told you that on a holiday we could take you
in the near future, like brothers,
we could introduce you
to some "comrades," who can hook us up with silica?
The level is...
Well?
All we have to do is produce the chips and become market leaders.
And I know someone in Arad who owns a factory.
The former train wagon factory.
Telecom will be eating from palms of our hands!
Leave the guy alone, boys.
He's just come here to relax.
Well, yes, but we were...
Cazimir Emil Onut, CEO.
The boss of all these dudes.
Maximilian, brother!
We have...
Come on, boys, go back to the tables. Go over there.
Sir, let me treat you to a real drink, not what these kids are having.
So, my daughter's in London, and what I noticed they have and we don't...
Mrs. Vera! That's enough, Mrs. Vera!
I said enough! Enough!
Hey, Barroso, don't treat me like a child!
Well, if you act like a child--
Let me burn what I need to burn now!
I don't want to end up in the nuthouse
for not venting my anger when I needed to.
I'm okay, get it? I'm healing.
I asked you nicely...
Alright, man. I'm done anyway.
Now I'm done.
What's up with you? Why are you so stressed out?
The boss will see this! He'll press charges!
I'll answer for it, don't worry.
And we'll see if he's still your boss after the divorce.
If you know what I mean.
You're too stressed, that's why you can't hit it off with that girl.
- What girl? - The one at the bar.
I'm upset, not stupid.
- You're sinkin', my man! - No, man... it's not...
- It's the Titanic. - We were just talking.
Women and children first!
That bad?
You're too all over her. Your eyes go misty when you look at her.
You're like a puppy begging for a ball toss.
- Yeah? - This can't be.
Relax a little. You damn near proposed to her.
Work up a bit of attitude.
What do you do when you go to market? You look left, you look right.
Taste a plum, feel a tomato...
Trust me. We relax a bit. And start over.
Okay?
A smile here, a joke there. Like, "I want to, but it's not a must."
Come on. Relax your body a bit.
You're too stiff. Shake it, Barroso. That's right.
That's it.
Check this out.
You care too much, that's why it's not working out.
Tell me. Do you care?
I care.
You don't care, man!
Barroso, do you care?
- I don't care. - Watch it, you cared a little.
Barroso, I'll ask you one more time. Do you care?
Damned if I care!
Barroso, do you care?
- I don't care! - Do you care?
- I don't care! - Atta boy.
Go get her!
Okay, friends.
We're just a few moments away from the surprise of the evening.
She promised.
Really. She did.
But, before that, by public demand, a bit of karaoke!
Go, Vlad!
THE MOBSTERS
Nobody move!
But we rented out the whole club...
- What's going on? - We paid for the whole club. Hello, sir!
Wait a second...
- Cata, what is this? - Are you looking for someone?
- Sit down, man. - Alright, alright...
Get out from there.
I'll come get you.
Wait, hold on a minute!
Take it easy, man! Don't want to get any scratches...
I wanted to run, but didn't know where I came in...
Do you want our cell phones? I really don't understand...
Wait a minute.
Just a second. My sneaker came off.
Why are you doing this?
Are you the boss?
So, this is a bachelors' party...
And I paid for everything!
There, there.
- Excuse me! - Are you looking for someone?
But I paid for...
Which one of you is Klaus?
Didn't you hear him? Who's Klaus?
Wait!
Mickey!
Yes?
What are you doing with that ax?
I don't know, I thought...
Did I tell you to get the ax? What did I say upstairs?
Fane, what did I say upstairs?
- To leave the swords in the car. - Yeah, but this one ain't...
I thought maybe we need it to... You know...
And if I want to cut off one of his arms, it can't wait a couple of minutes?
Go take the ax to the car.
Yes, boss.
Excuse me.
I don't think you're aware of the forces you're reckoning with here.
Mason brothers!
Mr. Mickey, don't hit him!
Was it really necessary to injure him like this?
They bashed his face in!
Alright.
So you're Klaus?
Yes.
Come 'ere.
Who are these people?
Shoot.
Right, so, at this party I'm making 2,000 euros.
At least. I'll get 1,500 from my brother 'cause he saved it up.
But I'm sure he'll spot me.
That's 1,500 left, which, until the end of the week...
I don't know why I said "the end of the week."
It's probably because I'm stupid.
I can get it in two days' time. I'll borrow it from someone.
So, by Wednesday I'll pay you all the money.
- I'll take care of it. - Take care of what?
The money. You'll have it all in two days.
- Thirty-five hundred tomorrow and... - What money?
The debt, the money I got from Ratso.
Yo, son! Ratso who? What are you on about?
- I was saying that... - Yo, you jerk.
Why has my daughter been crying for a week? What did you do to her?
Your daughter?
Antonia.
Oh! Antonia!
- What did you do to her? - Nothing, I swear.
So why is she crying?
'Cause I didn't reply to her texts?
So that's nothing?
My daughter's texting you and you don't reply.
That's nothing.
Hold on, it's more complicated...
What's complicated? You don't have a phone? What is?
- It's a longer story. I mean, we... - Are you mocking my daughter, man?
- No! - She's all I have left in this world.
I'm sorry.
Do you know I moved in with her, so she won't do something stupid?
I'm sitting there guarding her. I stopped sleeping at night.
I have a job, too. I wake up at 5:00 in the morning and go to work angry.
Do you know how many people depend on me, man?
I really am sorry, I didn't...
You didn't what?
I didn't mean to disrespect her.
- Are you pulling my leg? - No!
What respect?
When I respected a girl, I married her.
I married Lia, God rest her soul, a month after we met. One month.
I thought about it, too, but...
But you changed your mind.
- No, that's not what I was saying. - What, then?
That I did this for her.
It's better this way.
For her?
Yes.
- You're pulling my leg. - No!
- Mickey! - Yes, boss.
Go to the car and bring the ax.
Yes, boss.
Mickey, leave the ax, Mickey, bring the ax... I told you so...
Fane, check it...
No, wait a minute!
Give me a chair.
I'm standing just fine, really.
The boys will chop off all your fingers, except for your thumbs.
So you can still text my daughter that you're sorry.
So, which ones, boss? These two?
Yes.
Mr. Antonia's father, please...
Do they go or do they stay?
You know what?
Just leave him one.
He can send her a voice message.
No!
Yo!
Put that down!
I'll smack you upside the head with that!
Yo, I'll kill y'all!
Put the chair down or I'll chop his head off!
Man, didn't you hear me? Put that down! Put the chair down!
- Put the ax down! - I'll cut his head off!
Put the chair down!
Who the fuck are you? Put that down, or I'll f--
Hey!
We beat each other up, we kill each other.
- But we stay decent. Okay? - True.
Put that thing down!
Put the chair down or I'll behead him!
Man, don't you hear me?! Put that down! Put the chair down!
- You put the ax down! - Yo!
Put it down! I'll throw the lion!
Put it down!
Man, put the ax down! Put it down!
That's my brother, are you insane? Put the ax down!
I'll cut his head off like a pigeon! Man, are you nuts? I'll kill him!
No!
Leave him alone!
My love!
My life!
- Didn't I tell you to wait in the car? - Daddy, please!
Antonia, you should've waited in the car.
No! Leave him alone.
Antonia, forgive me.
No, you forgive me.
I don't deserve you standing up for me.
But they want to kill you.
Oh, no, they just want to cut off my fingers.
What do you mean? Dad?
No, I just...
- Antonia! - Yes?
Forgive me.
- No, it's not your fault, Klaus. - Yes, yes, it is.
- You got scared, Klaus! - No, I didn't.
I got scared, too!
Antonia, listen to me!
Please forgive me for hurting you.
I didn't know any better.
But what I did was right, because you don't belong with me.
No...
Listen to me.
I pulled a lot of crap.
I lied.
I lied to my mother.
I lied to my brother.
I messed it up for everyone.
I lied to these idiots, too, to take their money.
But I really can't lie to you.
I can't lie to you, I can't disappoint you.
You deserve better than... That's the truth.
You deserve a man who's more handsome,
richer, and better man than me.
You deserve someone who can make you happy.
- But you... - You deserve someone who'll live for you.
But you make me the happiest!
No, Antonia.
You're the greatest guy I've ever met.
After my dad.
- No, Antonia. - Yes.
And when you didn't text me back...
I cried because you were ignoring me, but I was happy to think about you.
See... You were crying.
I can't live without you.
Don't say that.
We said we'd go to Paris.
We'll always have Ploiesti.
The kiss on Train Station Street.
The time I made you laugh at the Prahova County Museum of Natural Sciences.
That's when I told you I'd never leave you.
In front of Doroftei's bar.
His former bar.
You'll be with me always.
Always.
There will never be anyone like you.
But where I'm going, you can't follow me.
I have things to do... You...
I don't need anyone else. You mean everything to me.
It's gonna be alright.
You'll see.
Klaus!
- Yes. - Tell me you don't love me anymore.
- It's not that simple. - Shut up. I don't want to hear anything.
I just want you to tell me you don't love me anymore.
And I'll leave. I swear I'll leave.
But I can't.
I will suffer with dignity.
I'll never bother you again. I'll cut my hair.
- No! - I'll go to a convent.
Just say those words to me.
"I don't love you anymore."
- I love you. - Well done, man!
Alis!
Well done, Klaus.
Alis!
I love you.
I knew from the first moment I met you that it was gonna be this way.
Barbu, that's a lot!
No, I don't want to wait anymore, my patience has run out.
I love you and I'll say it.
I love you.
That's very nice, but...
And I don't care that you're a stripper, okay? And that...
you take your clothes off and other men see you...
I'll never ask you to give that up.
I'll never ask you give anything up.
Please don't ask me to marry you!
Will you marry me?
I... I don't have a... I don't have one.
Barbu, let's take it easy.
We'll take it as easy as you want.
I asked you and you can say "yes" whenever you want.
I'll wait for as long as it takes.
You're cute, but don't you wanna have a coffee first?
No.
Some cake...?
Some cake, yes, but not now.
I'd like to know that I can hope.
Everyone's staring at us.
I'd like to know if I have something to hope for?
You have something to hope for.
I have something to hope for!
That's my brother!
I like you two a lot.
When you marry, I'll organize your weddings.
For the both of you.
- Oh, you don't have to... - No rush.
But when the time comes, I'll handle everything. Okay?
Man, what's wrong with you two? Did you have a fight?
Eh, we bickered.
Yeah, we...
That can't be, guys! You're family!
You must love your relatives for as long as they live.
After that, it's too late. Trust me. I'm in that business.
Come on. Cut that out.
Please forgive me for upsetting you.
Yeah, man, okay.
Bravo!
Klaussy! Klaussy! Where's the money?
Mr. Leru.
- Who are you? - Oh... Ratso.
- What money? - What money?
Oh, no, I thought he had some money to give me, but...
I was wrong.
I'm just leaving now. Have a good evening. You look great.
Goodbye!
Alright, son!