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On this lovely Christmas morning, it's your buddy Misiek.
Do you believe in miracles? I don't usually, but they still happen.
Yesterday, a boy called the radio and asked for snow.
I thought, 'No way, snow on Christmas Eve? How?'
But guess what, overnight, it started snowing.
So don't lose hope. Call in and share your dreams, just don't go overboard.
As a kid, I dreamed of some wooden blocks.
I guess it was too much since that miracle never happened,
but I kept dreaming anyway.
- Ho ho ho! - Watch your kid!
- I m sorry about that. - What's going on today?
Everyone's rushing around shopping.
Is a holiday coming up?
- Jesus is being born. - Again?
You'd think He'd be tired of it by now. As a Capricorn again. Interesting.
You dropped your coat check number!
Keep it for good luck.
Hang on.
Everything's perfect.
For the first time, I'll have a normal Christmas.
No fights,
no stress,
and no surprises, Szczepan.
The wafer!
Oh my God, we forgot the wafer!
No, you forgot it. It was your job.
I did all the Christmas prep. You just had to get the wafer.
But I knew if I didn't take charge around here, no one would. No one!
Karina, calm down. It's all taken care of.
Amelka will bring the wafer any minute now.
Oh, you clever trickster.
We've got 11 dishes. Pick one more for the full Christmas set.
- What kind of pierogi are those? - Russian.
No, thanks. I'll just take another carp.
- Can't skimp on family, right? - Sure.
Excuse me, but two carp in jelly still count as one dish.
- How come? - It's just one, isn't it?
- How many pierogi did you buy? - What's it to you? Thirty.
Fine. But does each dumpling count as a separate dish?
Getting a bit clever, aren't you?
The Żoliborz intellectual speaking human on Christmas Eve?
- It's a no-brainer. - Who's the Christmas expert, you or me?
Look at you, then look at me. Well?
- How much is it? - 1,830 zlotys in total.
I'll put this into my company's costs. Here are the details.
- Cash or card? - Wire transfer.
Send the invoice, I'll pay after the holidays.
This country's going nowhere with how it treats small businesses.
My company's officially cutting ties with you.
What's the problem?
The expert forgot.
Merry Christmas.
Forever and ever, amen.
Fuckaduck! What a disaster.
Would you want your kid to spend all day on the computer?
And would you want your kid throwing blocks and wrecking the room?
- You're not supposed to throw blocks. - I did.
- Why? - Out of anger.
Dad shut off the computer, and I had to play with blocks to spark imagination.
- You've really stumped me... - Kostek, any ideas for Uncle's gift?
Get him some blocks.
Mom! The coal car is up for auction!
- I'm in a rush. - I need money for the auction.
I have to get carp to Uncle Mietek and groceries for Aunt Lucyna.
- She broke her leg. - You said I could spend 300 zlotys!
- Santa already has a present for you. - I don't want it! I want the coal car.
What's more important, the coal car or Aunt Lucyna? Don't be selfish.
I'm thinking about Dad. Do you want him to be sad?
- If I don't get that coal car... - Enough.
Can you watch him? Thanks.
That's my seat, you dumb lady!
Don't touch my kid!
- He's sitting on me! - Yell at your own kid.
- My son is very well-behaved... - Excuse me.
- Can I help you? - She took our seat and is making a fuss.
You asked me to let him sit by the window.
- Please take your seat. - This is my seat.
How am I supposed to do that?
- I'll move you. - Why me?
Don't get upset, sweetheart. They'll move this lady.
Please, come this way. Here's an open seat.
Thank you.
I'd love to throw that hag out the window.
Sorry.
- I'd wait. - What?
I'd wait to throw her out until after the plane takes off.
Taxi!
- Do you know where it is? - Yes, yes. I know.
- But do you? - Yes, yes. I know. Let's go.
Let's go.
You know this?
What's the address?
I don't know.
If you don't know the address, where am I supposed to take you?
Buongiorno!
- Is there a problem? - You know where it is?
How could I not know? Stalowa Street.
You're like sunshine on a rainy Monday. Let's go.
Let's go.
Mr. Derda?
How much would you sell this beauty for?
I wouldn't sell it to you, because it's not for sale.
A client left it for repair.
For repair? It's been sitting here for 50 years!
Longer. Much longer, but you see...
my father was paid to repair it, so...
I can't sell it.
Mr. Antoni, the owner's probably been under a headstone at Powązki for years.
Dear Mr. Lucjan...
I'm not selling it.
Well, have a Merry Christmas, then.
It so happens... that's exactly my plan.
Same to you, Mr. Lucjan.
LTD. ED. COAL CAR CURRENT PRICE: 550 ZL. BID NOW
Hey, kid, I've got a date.
- You are to watch me. - What's gonna happen to you?
Just stay in the house, okay?
Will you give me 600 zloty?
Listen, kid, if you behave, you'll get that coal car.
- How? - From a courier.
- But don't tell Mom. - Did you buy it?
I ordered it with Mom, but it's a surprise.
That's exactly the face you need to make when you get the gift.
- Thanks! - Not now, kid!
By the Christmas tree. Act shocked and surprised.
- Just don't leave the house. - Okay.
The turon is out, snapping its jaws!
Ladies and gentlemen, we've got a special holiday deal today!
With our Santa, you get a free turon,
and an authentic Bethlehem angel for just 1 zloty!
Step right up, step right up!
- Come on, stop gawking. - Dad, I want the fluffy one!
- You wanted the Snow Maiden earlier. - Dad, you wanted the Snow Maiden!
I want that!
Sir, come on... don't deny the kid on Christmas Eve.
You see for yourself, our top-notch staff offers a unique deal.
Take the turon, and you can keep it until the Epiphany.
He'll entertain the kids, clean the windows for Baby Jesus.
Dad, come on!
Son, these guys are bums. That one's drunk.
Drunk? He is just disinfected!
I assure you, hygiene is top priority at our company.
- Yeah, right. Let's go. - But...
Get lost! How many times have I told you not to hang around?
Shoo!
Shoo?!
I'm the boss here, no one yells at my crew!
- You're scaring people. - We're running a legal business here!
I pay taxes, and no corporation is going to chase me off!
You guys should've been shut down long ago!
I know it all; I worked for you for two years!
No cafeteria, bullying, forcing people to work, and sexual harassment!
Especially that one lady, who makes you fall for her and then kicks you out.
- Quiet, please... - Quiet?!
It's freedom of speech! I'll shout if I want to,
and what are you gonna do about it? Exactly!
Boss sure knows how to negotiate smooth
like the water flowing down the Vistula.
Pataszon, don't kiss up to the boss. What's our revenue?
Well, the revenue...
Mom...
can I go to Kornelka's?
No way, sweetie.
You don't visit people on Christmas Eve. Everyone's got too much going on.
Besides... it's a time...
to be with family.
Dad?
Your mom...
Your mom's right.
During Christmas... family comes first. I've always said that.
- So what, we're just gonna sit here? - Yep.
That's kind of the point of Christmas Eve...
You just sit... and...
wait for the first star...
then you eat...
and then... you unwrap...
- Presents! - Yes, but first, we eat.
Yeah, that's... the magic...
The magic of Christmas.
If you want...
we can listen to some Christmas carols.
Yep!
See?
Instant cheer.
What's with that wheezing? Just blow your nose.
- That's a 2.4 on the breathalyzer. - I've only got a 0.7, damn it.
Come on, guys. Borygo, we had an agreement.
- I haven't had a drop in two days. - Sure.
I swear, he just used the COVID sanitizer.
Right, I just rubbed it in.
You were to hand out gifts to the teetotalers, so what now?
Maybe Ludwiczek can handle the teetotalers?
No way. I can't do that.
It would... destroy my very soul.
OK. Get out of my sight. How much money do we have?
Let's see...
752 zlotys and 34 groszy. I mean just one grosz short of 34.
Which is 752...
point... 33 groszy. That's gross.
- Are you serious? Gross? - Before taxes.
What taxes? Who made you an economist?
I've got to get catering for my family, and that's all we've got!
- And there are some expenses. - What?
We need new pants for Ludwiczek. He sat on a nail.
My ear's falling off, and Grzesiek had to get a new sack cause his wore out.
I've got plenty of sacks. Where is Grzesiek, anyway?
- I'd like to know that too. - If you need another Santa...
No, I don't need any Santas. Tell him to pick up his bike from me.
Excuse me for asking, but is that blessing from Grzesiek as well?
The bike's Grzesiek's, and in two days, it's going in the trash.
Why throw it away? There are so many people in need.
Call him. Call him now.
- Wait, wait. - Later.
Come on.
Hello?
- Yeah, boss, I'll be there soon. - Soon?
Santa Baby.
My husband left me for my only friend.
My son grew up, has a boyfriend, and his own life...
And my dog died.
My boss cheated me, so I quit my job in London,
and I'm going back to Poland.
I hear you.
- Do you feel like killing your boss, too? - No, I don't.
What I'm saying is that at some point, everything ends.
Kids grow up, parents pass, friends and loved ones drift away.
My daughter's exploring the world right now, and I can't stop her.
- But in the end, you're left alone. - Exactly, that's exactly how I feel.
Like I'm all alone.
But in a way, that's also freedom.
I'm alone, so I can do whatever I want.
You're right.
I can do anything.
What do you mean?
Anything.
I can... do foolish things.
I met some guy online.
Maybe this will be a love story.
Well, that's a start.
Honestly though, I'd love to have a library.
A big room just for me, filled with books.
And I'd also like to take down a few jerks:
my ex, my boss...
and that woman over there.
You ever have thoughts like that?
- I try to keep them in check. - Yeah...
Unfortunately, so do I.
Sorry.
Someone just sent me a holiday text.
"Wishing you plenty to eat, and joy that can't be beat.
May the present from Santa be big, and may the Snow Maiden kiss your..."
What may she kiss?
Excuse me?
What may she kiss?
Uncle's cheek.
She's got an uncle, and they're wishing each other Merry Christmas, and...
she kissed... her uncle...
on the cheek.
Just a goofy holiday message.
It's the thought that counts.
Who's it from?
Lucek and his family.
You're still in touch with that bum who tried to kidnap Amelka?
I'm not in touch with him.
He just sent holiday greetings.
- Did he want to kidnap me? - No, he didn't!
Your mom's exaggerating. He was just a distant neighbor.
A decent guy, really nice.
Neighbor. Some random guy from another neighborhood.
- A crook and a thief. - Alright.
Can we invite him?
No.
Isn't that package too big?
- Yeah, it's huge. - The wheelbase should be...
Are you signing for this or not?
Sir, this isn't the right package.
Signed and delivered.
- It's an animal. - We don't deliver animals.
- Beat it! - What about my package?
- File a complaint, we'll handle it later. - No, we have to find the coal car.
Find it, then. Go ahead.
Sir! Hey!
Sweetheart, hand me that big pot.
What do you mean, 'after New Year's'?
I've got water pouring out of the wall right now!
Thanks a lot.
Same to you. Merry Christmas!
- He's spending Christmas with his family. - We'll flood the neighbors.
- The guy upstairs is the worst. - Pour that in the toilet.
Homeowners' association... Homeowners'...
What about the man at the front desk?
It's unacceptable! Yesterday there were strangers on our playground.
They were probably guests of one of the tenants.
Probably? You don't know who they were?
You didn't even check their IDs.
I absolutely don't want any strangers walking around here.
What if they were criminals, would you just let them be?
- Mr. Jarek, the water's leaking. - I was here first!
- But the leak... - But the courtesy!
You walk in here like it's a barn; no 'hello,' no 'Merry Christmas.'
Merry Christmas, I'm sorry. The pipe burst.
Mr. Jarek is busy right now.
It just so happens that there are strangers on our property.
I'm terrified.
Would you want criminals breaking into your apartment?
Well... no, of course not.
Exactly. So we'll write a letter to the board.
We're not paying all this money for security to have incidents like this.
Merry Christmas! And a Happy New Year!
Happy New Year!
Thank you!
- Who are these strangers? - Your daughter's friends.
The pipe!
Hide.
- What is it? - It's about...
Hello! I own the agency where you hired Santa.
I'm looking for him.
There's no one here.
Then what's that?
What are you doing?
- Leave right now! - Hey, Grześ! Get out!
- Grzesiek! - There's no Grzesiek here.
He climbed down the drainpipe!
Oh God, that's my husband. Hide!
Hide! It's the same thing every time.
Fuckaduck!
I'm too old for this.
Staś?
You are back early.
You said you wanted to do it with Santa.
Here I am.
I did say that, but...
- But what? - I thought maybe...
- In the hallway? - Works for me!
Boss!
Man, respect for climbing down.
Conquering a peak in winter is a double achievement.
You spent way too long with that client.
You always say the client needs to be happy.
And what's that? Where'd you get it?
- I got it for my First Communion. - Yeah, sure, you thief, you bandit.
- You stole it from her. - No way, boss, no.
She just... gave it to me because... she likes me.
Many women liked me, but not one ever gave me something that expensive.
It's worth a few thousand.
So you're going back there and returning it, got it?
- What, now? - Yeah, now.
I'll kill you! I'll kill both of you, you punks!
Alright, let's go.
You'll return it after the holidays.
I'll kill you!
You're dead!
Watch your wife, loser! You didn't hear that.
You must've been a fun guy back in the day.
Shut up, you thief and bandit. Fuckaduck!
Where's my coal car? It's not here!
Kid, what are you doing here? Get out of here!
Okay, I'm calling my dad.
He's gonna love this: stolen package, child abduction.
- You'll get great PR. - What PR?
In the media. He used to work there, and he knows a lot of people.
- Do you know Misiek? - No. And I don't have your parcel.
If it's not here, then you already delivered it.
That's possible.
How many parcels did you deliver today?
- Two. - Where?
- What addresses? - I can't tell you.
What if the cops stop you? Kids can't just wander around on their own.
The addresses.
So, where are you spending Christmas Eve? On Stalowa?
Yeah. Polish Christmas, the atmosphere. My grandpa told me about it:
lots of people, everyone is your buddy. Not like Japan.
- Do you know anyone here? - I'll get to know them.
This gate... nice people.
Everyone is your buddy.
A glass of moonshine. A buddy won't cheat his buddy.
Well, if you say so.
That'll be...
500 zlotys.
Okay.
Oh, that's right... yeah.
Good afternoon, Mr. Lucek.
Hey, Samurai!
Got a smoke?
And can you lend me hundred zlotys... for sushi?
- Right. - I don't understand.
We'll talk, you'll get it.
It's Christmas! Gotta help each other out.
Amateurs.
Fork over the cash!
Why are you bothering my buddy?
- How's he your buddy? - Buddy?
Buddy.
Yeah, I said buddy. Beat it, go to confession.
Hello!
- Kamil Rybak, your neighbor. - Hello! Szczepan Lisiecki.
- Excuse me, I'm in a hurry. - I understand, I'm in a rush too.
But hey, look at this, do you see it?
See what? It's a wall sconce.
Yeah, the sconce.
Why is it on during the day?
I have no idea...
Maybe because there aren't any windows.
- But it's on 24/7. - You should ask at the front desk.
- I can't deal with this right now. - I did ask.
They said there aren't any windows. But I'm not letting this go.
- I'm paying for it. - Well, me too.
Yeah, but you live here, I live a floor up. I don't even use it.
Only strangers, forgive my language, benefit from it.
Strangers?
Doesn't the light come on in your place?
I unscrewed the bulb.
And imagine this, I'm losing twice.
I'm paying for the light I don't use, and now my place is dark.
- Man, the pipe burst. - Where?
In... in... in...
- In our kitchen. - Good, I'm not getting flooded.
- I live a floor up, you know. - Right.
Jarek at the front desk says he's alone on shift and can't leave
because... strangers might walk in.
That took him half an hour to tell you?
I'm battling a flood
while you're wandering around the building like some clueless person.
- Hand it over. - Leave it.
You don't know what you're doing.
- Then what should I do? - I don't know. Call the guys.
- Maybe one of them knows plumbing. - I already called everyone.
- They know nothing. - Uncle Piotrek was a plumber.
Uncle Piotrek's an actor, he just played a plumber.
- But maybe he picked something up. - Actors know nothing, they just pretend.
What about Lucek?
Call Lucek.
But we don't really know him.
What do you mean? We do know him well.
We were neighbors. He sent you Christmas wishes.
He's a simple, down-to-earth bum, not some useless actor.
He looks like a guy who'll fix it for a bottle of vodka.
He looks more like the type who could crack a safe.
- Your grandpa? - He used to live here.
I'm Józef, named after my grandpa.
Józef Nakamura.
That's Grandpa.
Nakamura?
Oh, right! I remember now!
I recognized you right away.
You're the spitting image of your grandpa.
Except your eyes, you got those from your grandma.
So, how's your grandpa doing? When's he coming back to visit?
Grandpa passed away. He lived to be a hundred.
No way!
Oh, dear!
- Did he leave you anything? - What do you mean?
Excuse me.
My buddy.
Oh hey, Szczepan, my man! What's up?
I was starting to worry, it's been ages since I heard from you.
Life, Lucek... you know how it goes.
You know...
Thanks, everyone's healthy.
Amelka's grown up, you wouldn't even recognize her.
How about you?
And Karina says hi. Of course, she remembers...
Lucek, we're being flooded!
Why's he wandering around here all alone?
- How old could he be? - I don't know... maybe ten?
Excuse me, have you seen my dad?
Big guy, wearing reindeer antlers?
Isn't that him over there?
Oh, thanks! Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas.
What a little brat.
Don't give me the details, Pataszon, just tell me the numbers.
Three grand? That's good enough.
Still got the cash?
Good. That's fine.
Keep me posted, alright? Bye.
Hey, shouldn't you be at work?
I was.
You were?
You're supposed to entertain kids at the grocery store for two grand
instead of me feeding you.
Let's not exagerrate with the 'feeding' thing, boss.
But fine, I'll finish eating, OK?
Alright, don't go. There're more important things than other people's kids.
- Like what? - Your own kids. You're gonna be a dad.
- How do you know? - Some pregnant lady was looking for you.
- This tall? - Yeah, about that tall.
- Did she say anything? - She was just looking for you.
She kicked me out six months ago.
Six months can change a lot in a woman's mind, you know?
Szczepan, can you turn off that horizontal thing?
You mean the vertical riser piping?
Are you asking me? So, you can't do it, right?
Karina, you're not helping.
If you keep yapping, I won't get anything done.
How about now?
The stove stopped working.
You turned off the gas.
Great.
No offense, but what kind of man can't even turn off a simple valve?
My dad could do everything around the house, literally everything.
Stop yapping! Should've stayed with your parents.
You should've told me you're useless, and I wouldn't have moved out.
Quiet, I can't hear the gas.
He turns off the water with the gas valve.
What an idiot!
If I don't do something in this house, nothing gets done.
Well, Karina?
What do you call that?
Christmas Eve miracle.
- ICE SKATES - Please, calm down.
- Hey, babe. - Hey, I missed you.
- I missed you too. - Are you sure?
- I'm dreaming about you. - What are you doing?
Right now?
Working on the quarterly report. We're expanding into the Asian market...
- And later?
- Then I'm heading home. - Will you be alone?
With you. My thoughts are always with you.
Would you like to see me?
Very much.
Will we turn on our cameras?
Would you like to feel me?
I dream of it. I even wrote to Santa about it.
Send me your address.
Maybe Santa will make your wish come true.
Well... bye.
Sorry, I just wanted to say goodbye.
I'm sorry, I was talking so much I didn't let you read your book.
Here, for your library.
- And you? - I won't finish it anyway.
You're reading a mystery and don't want to know how it ends?
I do, but...
Do you have a pen? I'd write a dedication.
Actually, never mind.
I was going to write that you should do foolish things
while you still can.
Thank you.
Merry Christmas.
You mentioned the water was flooding. Well, now there's no water at all.
- Did you shut it off? - Yeah, I did.
A Christmas miracle.
You realize it's Christmas Eve, and my carp are going to die.
Turn it back on, now.
I already told you, the pipe burst. We'd all be flooded.
- Will you turn it back? - I didn't shut it off to turn it back on.
- Wait, Lucek, you shut it off? - What, you thought you did?
Karinka... I've got to say, you've really blossomed.
- Come on, stop it. - I mean it.
- No, really, stop it. - My dear Szczepan!
And beautiful Amelka!
Excuse me, how did you get in here?
Through the chimney. It's Christmas Eve.
He's a neighbor.
- A neighbor? - From a different district.
Right. And this is my old pal from Japan.
Japan? Like, that Japan?
Hi, I'm Józef Nakamura.
In any other situation, I wouldn't let you, but...
My grandpa taught me.
Guys, why stand in the draft? Come on inside.
Exactly, come on in, come on in.
Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!
- Excuse me, what are you here for? - What's wrong with you, Szczepan?
He's the neighbor, a buddy from the building.
From upstairs, you know me.
Are you out of your mind? Calm down!
- Take your bike and get out! - You were looking for me!
- So you can take that damn bike out! - Calm down, please!
No!
Grzesiek!
- You've decorated this room nicely. - I know, now get out, I'm busy.
Why are you talking to me like that? Every pregnant woman needs a man...
Then go to every pregnant woman.
I can't believe... you entered our baby's room with your shoes on.
- Should I take them off? - I should've done this a long time ago!
Get out!
- What happened? - This crap.
What? Didn't catch something?
'Get out!' That, I got.
Holy Mary!
- Got that too! - She's dangerous.
- Did you offend her? - How would I, boss?
- Did you apologize? - For what?
What? For nothing! Women love apologies, you get it?
They think it's sweet, romantic. You should've apologized.
This thing is lacking romance. Wait! We need flowers.
Put it away.
- Got any cash? - Waiting to be paid, boss.
Well, you can wait.
Pataszon? Duty calls.
I was trying to take a long bath. And soak the mushrooms.
- Mushrooms in the bath? - Are you crazy?
Shitake! Mushrooms for the cabbage.
I don't care about the pipes. I need water.
Honey... Mr. Szczepan's right.
I read that a human can survive a few days without water.
I never said it would take that long.
- So, less? - Yeah, obviously.
- Less than a few days. - If so, we'll go to Mom's.
- Which one? - Not the one in Skierniewice.
My mom! In Łomża. We're going to Łomża.
- Mr. Szczepan... - Yes?
- I pay for the water. - Yeah.
So it's gotta be back. Now.
Excuse me, but we're not at the market.
We are civilized here. A Japanese man came to see our Christmas.
- What will he think of us now? - Szczepan!
- I'm coming! Excuse me. - Go ahead.
Our Christmas Eve?
Of course, Polish Christmas. He came all the way from Tokyo.
- No way. - Please, come on in.
- Go ahead. - Oh yeah? Okay.
Please, come on in.
- Should I take my shoes off? - Absolutely not.
Everyone today is searching for, what's it called in Polish?
Some feel like a woman, others feel like a samurai.
- Identity? - That's it!
I feel like Grandpa.
I mean, a Pole.
- It's really sweet of you. - Why you invited all these people?
- Me? It was Lucek. - Hosomaki.
- The only Japanese I know. - What about harakiri?
- Oh, that's a good one too. - Lucek, excuse me...
- Could you...? - Yeah! I'll be there in a second.
Grandpa missed hanging by the gate with his buddies.
In Japan, people only work, but in Poland, they hang out by the gate.
- Is there a gate here? - Of course.
- We've got a gate. - I even have something for the gate.
As we kept talking, turns out my late father and Józek's grandpa
were practically family.
That's incredible.
I looked at his honest, cheerful face and thought, 'Wow, he's one of us'.
He's come back to the motherland.
I hope he gets out of the motherland in one piece.
Wasabi!
- Thank you, goodbye! - Goodbye!
1000 SAILING KNOTS
Step back, and nothing will happen to you!
You wanna kill me?
Shoot.
I'll shoot!
You hear me? Don't provoke me!
The heart's on the left.
Dextrocardia is rare, so aim here.
Or better yet, in the head.
- I'm sorry, I'll just go. - Stop!
Sit down.
- Merry Christmas. - I hate Christmas Eve.
You're not the only one.
I once knew a guy, who had the worst day of his life on Christmas Eve.
Raising his son alone, he wanted to spend Christmas Eve with him,
knowing how much it meant to the kid.
He planned what games they'd play, but his boss, a terrible harpy, called him in
and said he had to work that night. The guy was crushed.
He made a solid snowball, and wanted to throw it at his boss's window.
But instead of the window, he hit a girl in the eye.
She fell in love with him, and they lived happily ever after.
Do you really believe in fairy tales?
I believe that even on the worst day, something beautiful can happen.
Excuse me.
When I was young, I tried to make the world a better place.
I even wrote a few books about it, but it's all just words, words, words...
It's Christmas Eve.
- Do you celebrate Christmas Eve? - A lot.
- A lot? Do you or don't you? - Yeah, I do.
Sing a carol.
If I kill you...
from a utilitarian perspective, it would be morally justified.
Although, if Kant is right...
In night's still silence
A voice resounds, far and near
'Arise, shepherds
For God is born'
- Do you know what that carol is about? - Let me go.
It's about the journey.
The vertical one, because God comes to people from heaven.
But also a horizontal one
because people hurry to see God, to pay him...
- What do they give him? - I only took your wallet.
Homage.
They want to pay him homage. Get it?
- Do you have a Christmas tree? - Yeah. No, I don't.
Go and buy one.
Good bye.
FIREARMS ILLUSTRATED ENCYCLOPEDIA
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Hello?
I'm listening.
- I want to end my life. - Who is this?
I don't know how. Got any ideas?
Maybe I'll jump in front of a car or take some poison.
Oh, it's you. Please, calm down, alright?
- Where are you? - On some street.
That damn scam artist, that marriage scammer jerk.
- How'd you find me? - Quit pretending, alright?
- I'm just asking. - If you don't want to talk...
I do. Just give me your address. I'll be right there.
Hold on...
Please...
- Smell it, boss. - Knock it off, it's fine.
Just don't forget to apologize, okay?
- He's getting kicked out. - Why keep saying that?
If you're so smart, tell him what to do.
Flowers are too played out. To be romantic, you gotta go big.
I usually sing under windows.
- Did any lady ever kick you out? - No way! I couldn't get rid of them.
That's a really good idea. You know...
Something romantic, like a movie scene.
What movie, boss?
That's a dumb idea. I can't sing. What are we talking about?
- You can learn. Don't know any songs? - None.
Christ! Not even from school, kindergarten, daycare?
- 'Rota.' - Christ!
- What about 'Whisky'? - Yeah, 'Whisky.'
- I know that one. - Of course.
- Borygo will teach you. - No way. Give me the flowers.
- Whatever happens, happens. - Sure...
She's gonna kick him out.
Just don't get mad, okay?
I just wanted to say... that...
I'm sorry.
For what?
Well...
See... you don't even know what you're apologizing for.
You don't really apologize.
Do you really think I will fall for some beautiful flowers?
Look at yourself! What is this?
I took my shoes off.
You think it's funny that I want our baby's room to be clean?
What are you talking about? Am I laughing?
No, you're not. You're just mocking me.
That's what you've been doing for the last two years.
Nothing's serious for you. Life's just one long vacation.
- When you get it, you will be dead. - What are you talking about?
I brought you flowers! You always wanted flowers for no reason.
Well, it's Christmas Eve, so that's kind of an occasion, but...
Oh, God...
I fell in love with an idiot.
Sorry, guys... incoming.
Fuckaduck.
If he'd sung, things would've gone differently.
Sure...
Alright, guys... this is pointless. I'm outta here.
What do you mean, out? We're all here for you.
My family's waiting. And you're gonna give up?
- We're not working because of you. - On Christmas Eve.
Oh, really? Thanks a lot, guys! But this isn't going anywhere.
- What did she say? - Same thing.
I just don't get it.
What can a lady who's about to have a baby, a Polish mother, think about?
About her motherland!
No, she is thinking ahead, about redecorating her home...
No, I bet she's thinking about... the baby.
Yes! Genius!
The baby, which means who's going to help raise the baby,
so, her man, which means marriage.
That's it!
She didn't look like she was thinking about marriage.
Even if a woman isn't thinking about marriage, she's thinking about it.
- Emilka is thinking about it. - It's possible.
If she wasn't thinking about marriage, she wouldn't have gotten pregnant.
- But she did. - She did. Big time.
It's time to change your strategy.
Get it? Like it or not, it's time to propose.
Bravo!
- Yeah! - Yeah, propose!
- Yeah! - Right!
But how can I do it? She won't even listen to me.
Because you're flapping your jaw too much.
Get down on one knee, with a ring and the whole deal. Yeah!
Here's the plan: we'll get the ring, and you guys can go to work.
But boss, is it even worth it?
Not that we had any other plans...
- Come on, Grześ. - Let's do it!
Can I keep the flowers?
Move.
Well?
No other way. We've got to hammer.
No! Lucek, please! The tiles are brand new!
That's even better. You haven't gotten attached to them yet.
Let's do it.
And here I am, in the gardens of Kyoto.
Me.
Wow, beautiful!
The Great Wall of China! Check it out.
- It's massive! - Maybe we should order sushi?
No, thanks! I don't want sushi.
Have you got some Warsaw tripe soup?
No way! We can't have it today. It's a fast day.
- True. - But we have our Polish carp.
- Cooked in the Jewish style. - Mrs. Karinka...
Is the carp Polish?
I don't know. There was no 'Made in Poland' sticker on it.
- I got it at the market. - Then it could be Chinese.
Chinese is almost the same as Japanese. Help yourself!
Did your grandpa mention that Poles are a very open, hospitable nation?
You know, our flags are almost the same,
except yours has a circle, right?
And Chopin. Don't forget Chopin.
Grandpa loved Chopin.
He always said, 'If Chopin were alive, he'd be boozing it up!'
That's not a bad idea. How about we have a drink?
Moonshine?
- On Christmas Eve? Really, guys? - Karina!
Karina, they're gonna eat all our food!
We'll sacrifice one carp for a good cause, as long as Lucek does his part.
- Should we ask them to leave? - What if Lucek gets mad?
What are we gonna do about the pipe? They are his guests, let them eat.
Especially the Japanese guy, Lucek's best buddy.
You really believe they're friends?
I believe he knows pipes, and you don't. That's the truth.
We'll have to go back to the kitchen. Szczepan, hold this for me.
Thanks! Merry Christmas!
To Mr. Nawrocki.
You know the director?
My dad has a general assembly with him. He told me to come in and wait.
I don't think there's a general assembly today.
They possibly forgot to invite you.
Tell him I wet myself.
- Did you really? - I'm holding it in.
But by the time you get through, it'll be too late.
Come with me.
Here.
Stop! Where are you going?
WATCHMAKER
This is not a jeweler.
I've pawned as many rings as I bought here. Come on!
This time it's not for me. My friend's getting married.
Congrats. Which month is she in?
Ninth month.
Well, if that's how it is, you're getting a discount.
Let's take a look.
- Didn't I leave this one with you? - You were to pick it up after Christmas.
- I will do it. - That was four years ago.
Good thing Christmas comes every year.
Emi would love that one.
Alright, gentlemen, that'll be...
1,700, even.
What?! I pawned it for 500, and there was to be a discount.
That's with the discount.
But Mr. Antoni, his lady's about to give birth, and the guy's broke.
Alright, I can drop it to 1,500, but that's as low as I go.
- I have 600. How about you? - Nothing.
So we've got 600.
For that kind of money, I've got
a nice fancy alarm clock for you.
Unless you have something to pawn.
Wait... I've got...
- I was to return that. - You'll do it after Christmas.
Mr. Antoni, we've got this little trinket here. Take a look.
You see, I've got this little speech problem...
I just can't say no!
Don't worry.
There's more to life than just one scam artist.
- You'll find another. - A scam artist?
You know what bothers me the most? It's not him.
I'm the one who's a mess.
- That's not true. - Yeah, it is.
Now I'll spend six months crying into my pillow
and driving people crazy...
When I should find him and...
Throw him out of a plane.
Exactly.
Throw him out of a plane into shark-infested waters.
He humiliated me, and I can't do anything about it. I never did.
Can I get you anything?
Coffee for me.
I'll have lemonade, no sugar, please.
We've got some pre-sweetened, ready to go.
It says 'homemade lemonade,' so where do you make it?
- We make it here. - Then make it without sugar.
We make it in the morning.
- If you can make it in the morning... - Can you calm down?
- This isn't a flea market. - I'm sorry.
Fine... I'll take it with sugar.
I always lose. I can't even win a stupid lemonade order.
Wait a sec! Excuse me!
Hey!
Are you sure you can't make it without sugar?
I could kill you.
From a utilitarian standpoint, it'd be morally justified.
- I'm asking! - Hey!
No way to make it without sugar?
I'm sorry.
- I'll bring it right out. - It's not a problem?
- Not at all. - You said it's a problem.
- You didn't say that? - No, no! Yes, I did because...
I lied. I'm sorry, I'll get it right away.
Let's get out of here.
What is it?
He's a security guy, super sharp. Not even a mouse could sneak past him.
So... everything's fine?
Something happened?
Just checking.
Great, anything else?
No.
Excuse me.
Thanks.
My daughter would've killed me if it didn't arrive.
It's at the top of her list.
- Now I'd like my present. - Ah, right.
We've got it.
Is this what you expected?
You thought it was a unicorn? In this tiny box?
- I didn't really think about it. - Gosh... and you run a corporation.
I'm sorry, but this is the only parcel we've got.
- And who are you? - I'm a professor of literature.
Mostly Polish, but I've written a few...
A burglar dropped by today, so that's why I've got a gun.
- He gave it to you? - No.
I took it from him.
CLOSED
You're good to go.
All clear.
Thanks.
Beautiful clocks.
Yeah... They have been waiting for their owners.
Some of them for a hundred years.
- Where are we going? - For that lemonade.
You didn't get a chance to drink it.
The waiter's expression was enough for me.
'No problem, I'll bring it. I lied.'
And the guys under the table didn't need anything.
You're laughing again.
See? Life is beautiful.
Good. Beautiful.
So, how are things with Karinka?
Honestly, Lucek, not bad, knock on wood.
Of course, we've had our share of friction, but...
lately things have been surprisingly smooth, when it comes to Karina.
I think we've just figured each other out over the years.
You're saying there's no pressure.
As for the pressure, based on my experience, I can tell you...
when it builds, you don't notice it at first,
but... once that valve blows, it's chaos.
And during the holidays, people's valves tend to blow.
- Are you trying to say something? - No.
I'm just saying you gotta take care of the pipes.
Lucek, what's your plan with that Japanese guy?
Plan?
I'm not just gonna rob him. I'm not a punk.
Gotta be smart about it.
I'll show him Christmas Eve, let him enjoy it.
It means a lot to him.
What's up?
What's wrong?
Nothing...
I was just looking at this ring, and...
I saw how Emilka decorated the room, and...
I think I actually care.
- You think or you know? - I care.
Then don't say 'I think.'
- What should I tell her? - I don't remember any other sins,
- I regret them all. - No, seriously, I'm asking.
Don't say anything. Nothing more needs to be said.
You want a kick for luck?
- Yup. - Alright!
Now... Go!
Karina.
Listen...
Lucek's about to scam that Japanese guy.
He told me. He's gonna use the 'Uncle trick' on him.
Don't!
Don't tell me you don't care.
All I care about is the pipe.
I'm serious. The guy's about to get screwed.
On Christmas Eve, in our house, and all you care about is the pipe...
Really? If you're so smart, then go fix it yourself.
Suddenly, you care about some Japanese guy?
I care about a human being.
- A human being? - Yeah, a human being.
You care about all of humanity, but not about me.
Maybe you should become a saint...
You wouldn't need a family, wouldn't have to deal with us.
You would sit with your celibacy and think deep thoughts and wonder...
- And farting around. - Listen, Karina...
No, you listen! Make sure your family has a normal Christmas
and stop thinking about some Japanese guy!
And stop pretending to be St. Szczepan. We already have one,
and one's enough.
I was just eavesdropping.
You both are going to drive me nuts.
Dad... Józek really likes it here. Don't ruin it for him.
And?
Don't tell me she wasn't moved.
Well...
- She threw the ring in the toilet. - You should've taken it from her!
You know what, boss...
if you want to propose, go ahead.
I'm done...
Where are you going?
Where?
To work.
- It's Christmas Eve. Did you forget? - What's with the sudden work ethic?
Yeah.
It's neither vodka nor moonshine, but we've gotta feed and water the quest!
- Right? - Karinka, the pipe's almost fixed.
- Very good. - Szczepan, here, have a drink.
You were supposed to be fixing the pipe.
No need to turn into a drama llama! You gotta oil it up first.
Józek, get up!
Call me Uncle.
- Bottoms up! - Bottoms up!
Szczepan, did you know before the war, my dad and Józek's grandpa
were gonna open a sushi place on Stalowa Street?
They were saving up dime by dime, but then the war came,
the uprising happened, and Józek's grandpa had to take off.
All that money went into the escape. My money.
That's right, Lucek told me.
I'm just so happy I found my family.
I'm inviting all of you to Japan, and I'm covering everything!
Amelka and I are definitely coming.
- We're all coming. - For free!
- We'll finally have real sushi. - Here's to the trip!
To the trip!
Guys, aren't you embarrassed?
How can you be such phonies?
- Has he lost it? - Oh boy, here we go.
What do you mean?
What do you mean, Karina? I'm just asking.
How can you?!
Sweet-talking, pretending you're one big happy family, but it's all fake.
You all hate each other.
You avoid each other, write complaints about the kids.
- I'm talking to you, Mrs. Maliszewska. - Vogue-Maliszewska, after my husband.
You unscrew the light bulbs in the hallway so the neighbors can't have light.
That's slander!
And when a poor guy from Asia shows up, you all make it into a circus show!
- Calm down, we've got guests. - What guests?
They invited themselves to see a real Japanese guy.
Like he's some kind of exhibit.
Sorry, Józek, that was about you, but I didn't mean it like that.
Szczepan, have a drink!
You're all wound up from the holiday stress.
I'm not going to drink.
Not with you! You're the worst!
Pretending to be some long-lost relative
just to scam poor Józek out of his last yen!
- Szczepan, the pipe! - What are you talking about?
- I'm telling it like it is. - How can you say that?
Talking about your buddy like that?!
Well.. aren't there any rules left anymore?
If not, I don't know what world we live in.
Exactly, Lucek.
Is stealing allowed now?
I'd rather be a simple, honest thief than a sucker with no honor or principles.
Karinka... excuse me, but you understand.
- I do. - What do you understand?
Calm down, or I won't be held responsible for what happens next!
Amelka... respect your father...
No matter what.
Sir, you've insulted all of us here.
My manners and decency stop me from punching you,
which I deeply regret.
- It looks like we won't have water. - We'll have it in Łomża.
Better no water than no dignity.
Goodbye!
- Where are you going? - Out.
So they can rob you? We'll do Christmas together, then I'll take you home.
No... I'm leaving.
I think... I made a mistake.
What?
Amen.
You don't know me, and that's probably for the better.
You might ask, 'What's it to me?' Well, it does matter to me.
Because I think every kid should have a mother and a father.
It's important for the child and the father, you know?
And for the mother, of course.
You don't get it; you've never been a mother.
- Have you been a mother? - I am a father.
Okay... maybe I started wrong.
Let me put it another way.
- I've changed. - For the worse, I bet.
On the contrary. I've reconnected with my family.
I've got the father, the son, and the spirit back. I mean the mother!
I'm organizing Christmas Eve! Me!
12 dishes, 35 pierogis, the vegetable salad and.
Why are you telling me this?
Because I believe that everyone deserves a second chance.
You think I didn't give Grześ a second chance?
Well... then let's start from the beginning.
First, I gave him money, and he spent it on who knows what. Second chance.
He disappeared for a week, didn't answer the phone. Second chance.
He got arrested for smoking weed, another chance.
He forgot my birthday 'cause he was playing poker with his buddies.
I gave him another chance. Third, fourth, fifth, sixth, enough!
Those are just small things.
- But you love him. If you didn't. - I wouldn't have given him any chance.
I'm telling you, he's going to be a great dad, worth of 58 chances.
Sure, a great dad,
who can't even get a real job and runs around with, excuse me, but bums.
Now you're crossing the line!
I run a professional holiday entertainment company! Yes!
He's a great at work, people love him, and the clients are satisfied.
- I bet mostly women. - Mostly children.
Poor children who are waiting for Santa.
But I'm not going to waste my breath.
See for yourself.
COME AND MEET SANTA CLAUS
It's been a lovely evening,
but I've got to go.
- I'll give you a ride, madam. - Stop calling me 'madam.'
It's Ewa.
- Wojciech. - You like me.
That's why you gave me the book.
- No, I wanted you to read it. - Liar. You wanted to ask me out.
No...
- I mean. - So did you or didn't you?
- I was happy when you called. - Did you want or not?
I was surprised. I don't know how you got my number.
I'm sorry.
No, no, I'm sorry.
I thought about my wife, and I apologize.
I understand...
- I should go. - No...
Let's go to the car, I'll drive you home.
- Did you order socks? - No.
- And no one brought you a coal car? - No.
Are you sure?
I would've noticed a coal car.
- Merry Christmas... - What's so merry?
I'm all alone.
My husband, my parents, my friends... they've all gone.
They'll be with you tonight. The dead visit us.
That's why we set an extra plate, not for some stranger.
They eat poppy seeds,
that's why we have dishes with poppy seeds on Christmas Eve.
That's sweet of you to say.
'Cause it's true.
Merry Christmas!
Everything okay?
Yeah.
- And remember. - Life is beautiful.
You've told me that three times now.
I'm glad you called me back.
Sweetheart, listen... you really caught me off guard
I don't even know how to say it.
- You forgot your address. - Exactly.
- But you know where you live now? - Yeah, it's just that.
- The problem is... - You've got a family.
A wife you don't sleep with, who doesn't understand you.
Only you get me. Ewunia, listen...
I've got an hour free.
I wouldn't dare suggest it, but maybe.
I'm at the hotel.
- Can I come? - Bring flowers.
Of course. I love you.
I'll be waiting. I'll send the address.
Come on, kids!
Five hours late. I'll count that up exactly.
Forget about full pay. And make sure the children are happy.
- Get to work! - Money, money. The kids are happy.
- Are you the real Santa Claus? - I am.
No, you're not! The real Santa is over there!
- You're a fake and a fraud! - Fraud, fraud!
What aggressive children.
COME AND MEET SANTA CLAUS
Mr. Grzegorz Olęcki?
- What is it? - It's him.
You're under arrest for stealing a valuable watch.
- Did you steal something? - No, I didn't! Please, believe me!
- Can I explain? - We'll sort it out at the station.
- He's my subordinate. - Step aside.
Why? It's Christmas Eve.
- His girlfriend's about to give birth. - I'm not his girlfriend.
To make a statement, come to the station.
Or we can hold you for 48 hours if you don't have other plans.
I've got other plans. Don't let them get to you!
Leave Santa Clause alone!
I'm not paying a cent. But you're going to pay me compensation.
You know what? You can kiss me you know where.
Yeah!
Mom...
maybe I'll just go to Kornelka's place?
No way. It's Christmas Eve.
We're staying at the table and singing carols.
Can you see the first star yet? Go check.
Karina...
can you say something?
For God's sake, Karina, what did I do?
I saved that poor guy from Lucek.
There's no star, it's cloudy.
But Józek's out there, freezing at the bus stop.
Great rescue, Szczepan.
Great job.
- Where are you going? - I've had enough, I'm leaving.
On Christmas Eve family should be together.
Now?
- You suddenly care about family? - I've always cared. I always say that.
Exactly. I'm sick of hearing you say that.
All year you don't care about anything.
You won't even fix a leaky faucet.
But on Christmas Eve, suddenly you're all saintly,
and you start giving speeches.
- Like your own personal urbi and orbi. - 'Et'!
Human beings matter. Family's the most important thing.
Noble BS that means nothing, Szczepan!
If you want to be so good, so noble,
maybe instead of talking, you could actually do something!
Instead of waiting all year for Christmas for the stupid pipe to fu...
...burst...
Yeah. It looks like it burst.
- The septic system's overflowed. - It overflowed!
- Stop it! - I'm good too!
- I want to fix the world! - Don't touch me!
Not just cook and run around with a broom.
Go ahead, fix the whole world! Start with the pipe!
I will fix it!
I'll fix it! I'll give everything... to the poor!
- I know, the guy from reception. - Stop acting like a spoiled teenager!
- Where's your sense? - Up my ass...
Well, there it is! Finally! Thank you, Karinka!
- Finally we're back to normal! - No problem.
- You're welcome. - Stop! You're not going anywhere!
- Let go, preacher man! - You're going to sing carols!
- Someone, help me! - Scream all you want!
I can see the neighbors rushing to help you.
Excuse me...
I left my handkerchief at your place.
Are you poor?
- Excuse me? - Are you poor?
- Yes, very poor. - Here you go.
Do you need anything else? A couch, dishes, a TV set?
Take it, don't be shy. We're very noble.
We share with the poor.
Merry Christmas!
Where are you going, Karina?
I'm taking the Japanese guy to Praga.
I'm gonna look for his family.
You know what, I'll come for the TV set later.
Here you are.
Go ahead.
Sorry, sweetheart.
- Mommy and Daddy were just... - I know.
Same as always.
Oh, it's you?
I was sure it was the cops.
You were right...
life is beautiful.
Give it back to him.
You didn't flush it?
- He loves you! - He's never said that.
- You love him too! - Not anymore!
- Of course you do! - No!
Yes! You said that.
Whatever... Christ, I'm so sorry!
- What a day! - Yeah, a crappy one.
On Christmas Eve, you should be home with your family.
- Help your mom, take care of kids. - I've been running around all day too.
I've changed my wife's tires. She forgot, like always.
I'm off to the radio station to organize gifts for my kid.
Exactly, being with family, with the kids.
Why do I care about Emilka and her... Why should I care?
I'm here for my family too.
But how can you not help someone on Christmas Eve?
I've spent my whole life helping everyone and they walk all over me.
Alright, alright... Take it easy, okay? I'm sorry.
I really am.
MOM
Jesus!
Jesus...
It's a... miracle!
People! A miracle!
I was scared...
If something happened to you...
Thank you.
You're... a wonderful friend.
Can I say that?
Yes, of course.
I'm rambling again. Go, your wife is probably waiting with supper.
Do you think he called the cops?
Just in case, stay at my place tonight.
- You're inviting me? - The house is empty.
- Stay as long as you want. - Yeah, but...
- Drop the keys in the mailbox. - What about you?
I've got something to take care of.
15, Szkarłatna Street.
To Praga?
To Praga.
Oh, Szczepan!
- Get in! - I'm not going with you.
Get it? Szczepan!
Karina, come on! Seriously... Come on!
Józek! We'll look for your relatives!
No relatives... All buried.
No need to be worried! Get in!
- What about Szczepan? - He's not coming. His pipe burst.
Hey, honey!
- Did the courier come? - Hey!
- Yes, he did. - Did he bring the coal car?
- Of course. - Ignaś is in his room?
I think so.
You were supposed to keep an eye on him.
I did.
- Junior, where's the coal car? - It's not here.
There are socks. And first, there was a unicorn.
- I told you to wait for the courier. - I did.
You were supposed to stay put.
Where have you been? What time is it?
- I went for a walk. - You went for a walk? Go take a bath.
You too, get ready. It's almost Christmas Eve.
Karina!
Come on, stop messing around!
At the next stop, okay?
Please, I'm begging you. Come on!
- I'm sorry! - What is this, idiot!?
- I'm sorry! - What's wrong with you?
- My wife... Alright! - Did you buy your license at a market?!
Come on, Karina... Just get in already.
Excuse me! Excuse me!
He's in love.
Is that love-struck guy with you?
- No. - That's her husband.
We are divorced.
Get in.
You guys are such a sweet family.
So much love.
Starting with letter 'O'!
- You're free to go. - Why?
It's not a shelter. We don't hold the innocent.
Come on, the guy who stole the watch confessed.
- What guy? - The one who stole it.
- Go to her, she loves you! - Quiet!
- Front right tire. - Quiet!
Thank you, boss!
Emi!
- Emi? You are in labor? - None of your business!
Actually, it is.
FIREARMS
1000 SAILING KNOTS
- Hello? - Where are you?
I didn't steal it. Someone tossed it.
It was in the trash,
and it rang.
- Are you by the Vistula? - No...
On the Poniatowski Bridge...
- We're being followed. - By who?
- Surf... surfillance agents. - Run!
- Excuse me, this is my car! - You want me to shoot you?
- You let her take the car! - She took it.
- You didn't do anything? - What was I supposed to do?
I'm helpless against such rudeness.
Turn right, it'll be faster.
- Breathe! - If you say that one more time, I'll.
- You didn't turn! - There's roadwork.
- There's no roadwork! - Stop it! You're gonna get us killed!
I hate you! I hate you!
And I love you, you little spitfire! Get that through your head!
And I'm getting us to that hospital, even if you try to kill us, okay?
Okay.
That's him!
Stop! Police!
Drop the gun and get on the ground!
You don't have to jump!
- Madam, you can't come in here! - I'm armed!
Get down, please, get down! Oh, God, get down!
- Are we going in? - What did you think you were doing?!
- You liar... - Let him have it a little more.
What were you trying to do, you fricking liar?!
And I actually believed you that life is beautiful.
- Come on! - Let's give them a minute.
I'm here, babe.
- Slowly. - My bag!
Can you finally tell me how you got my number?
Well, from the start, you wanted to go out with me.
- I did not. - Here, now you'll have time to finish.
Alright, enough talking. Get in!
Guys, the first star is up in the sky. Time to wrap things up.
Thanks to all the kids who called in to say they don't want wooden blocks.
I hope Santa takes them off the gift list.
Unfortunately, one kid is getting blocks this year.
I'm heading to my friends' place for Christmas Eve,
and guess what I bought as a gift?
For Christmas I wish you all...
I wish you Christmas full of miracles,
and that your loved ones, even those who can't make it,
are with you at the Christmas table.
This is it, this is the gate.
Look!
But which apartment?
In the photo, across from the gate there's a watchmaker.
It was before the war.
Blind as a bat.
How old is he now? 110?
It could be his grandson, his son, or his brother.
- Let's go! - His brother... 50 years younger.
I'm really sorry, but I don't know the guy.
Never seen him before.
- Thanks a lot. - Excuse me, what are these numbers?
My dad used to make them for customers.
Sadly, he passed away.
I've got one!
Oh, yeah?
Let's see it.
- Where'd you get this? - Some man dropped it.
What man?
Well, this is amazing.
Because, you see, this is the clock.
It was left here for repair by a certain...
- Józef Brzeski. - That's him! This is Józef Brzeski!
He's my grandpa!
Wojtek!
- Brother-in-law! - And what are you in for?
- I didn't do anything. - That's what everyone says in here.
This guy's got quite a record: assault, extortion, armed robbery.
What? Armed robbery?
You? A professor?
Times are tough. Even professors are pulling heists these days.
The Spanish even made a show about it.
What?
Respect, boss. Whatever went wrong, it wasn't me.
Sit.
Bon appétit! Dig in!
- Bon appétit! - Bon appétit!
Thanks.
I know...
Wojtek... what's that book?
I gave it to a woman on a plane.
I have no idea how my phone number ended up here.
Maybe you wanted her to call you.
That's my handwriting, but I didn't even have a pen.
- Boss really wanted her to call you. - Or maybe it was... God's will.
Or Santa... causing trouble again.
- I didn't write anything. - Yeah, sure, everyone says that.
Hey, do you know where they went in that Christmas carol?
Do you know?
They went up and down, right?
Santa, you're free to go.
- Me? - Why not me?
The prosecutor was nice and gave you probation. Now, chop, chop!
- Oh, here it is! - Right here!
Go ahead, knock.
Lucek?
Hey guys, what are you doing here? How?
- Hilar. - Hallelujah, Karinka!
- But it's the wrong holiday. - Are you Brzeski?
Well, yeah, of course. Lucjan Brzeski.
- Master of engineering? - Since the womb!
Uncle!
For Ignaś.
Remember, Santa's just an old guy with a white beard.
- Thanks! - So his presents might be old-fashioned.
I wonder how Santa knew what you collect.
From Dad.
Thanks!
You wrapped it beautifully.
Here's a gift for Uncle. Here you go.
Thanks.
I'll clean up.
Leave it, Mom.
Dad's with us.
That's sweet of you to say.
Thank you.
For Ignaś, and for the coal car.
And the tires... I forgot to change them.
You're the best.
No problem.
No way!
How did these end up in my gift?
- Santa brought them for you. - Miracles, Uncle.
The castle!
Emi?
What are you going to name her?
I thought we'd decide together.
Son! Why are you sitting here all alone? We've been waiting forever!
Mom, I didn't bring any food.
What are you talking about? Come on, everyone's waiting. Hurry up.
Dad!
- Grandma was to start calling hospitals. - Kazik!
- Where did it come from? - We brought it.
- Where'd you get the cash? - From the teetotalers.
- Mom didn't make anything? - Why? You said you'd bring everything.
- And you believed me? - Son...
I always believe in you, no matter what.
Thanks, Mom.
- Where's Dad? - Peace to all people of goodwill!
- Look at this beautiful tree I found! - Dad, what kind of tree is that?
What do you mean, what kind of tree, son?
You don't recognize a fir? It's a fir, of course!
- Smell how nice it is. - Dad, that's a thuja!
Well, maybe it's a thuja, damn it.
I found it in a little fenced-in area between some gravestones.
It was dark, there weren't many lights, and I didn't have my glasses.
But it's a nice tree!
You guys would get lost on your way to hell!
Now sit down, we need to share the wafer.
This is it! This is it! Yeah...
Of course, the tall guy is Lucek's dad,
and the shorter one is his cousin... Józek's grandpa.
Or the other way around. Either way...
Lucek and Józek are family.
You can tell, Lucek's got those slightly slanted eyes, right?
Didn't I say that from the start?
You said it, but you didn't really know. You were just making it up.
Szczepan, how can anyone make up the truth?
Józio, my man, come here! Give me a hug!
Now no one in the neighborhood is gonna rip Józek off.
You don't mess with your own, right, Szczepan?
- Good evening. - Oh, good evening.
Józio, meet your aunt.
- Nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you.
Lucek talked a lot about you.
I heard you love Polish traditions and Christmas Eve.
I love my family and buddies, too.
And... this...
is our family clock.
Please, accept it.
- Welcome home, Józio. - I'm back.
She used to clean at the Japanese embassy.
That's how my sweetheart learned the language.
- Kids, to the table! - Please, sit.
Have a seat, everyone. Whatever we have, it's all yours.
- Do you have a dog? - No.
Now you do.
- Let me help. - Thanks.
- Slut. - Jerk.
I love you, too.
I love you more.
What?
Silent night
Holy night
All is calm
All is bright
Round yon Virgin Mother and Child
Holy infant so tender and mild
Sleep in heavenly peace
Silent night
Holy night
Shepherds quake
At the sight
Glories stream from heaven afar
Heavenly hosts sing Alleluia
Christ the Savior is born
Do you like it?
All we're missing is the coal car.
We've got the coal car.
I love you!
I love you too, Dad...
Revised and Synchronized by FAST TITLES MEDIA