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[announcer] Are you ready to play the game?
[crowd] Yeah.
[♪ "The Game" by Jurassic 5 playing]
♪ The Game ♪
♪ Playing to survive ♪
♪ Aiming to win any way they can ♪
♪ You gon' win ♪
♪ Yo, yo, pass the ball final casting call ♪
♪ First of all, verbal basketball ♪
♪ Off the glass, smash your jaw ♪
♪ Too fast for y'all ♪
♪ You might take a nasty fall trying to stick ♪
♪ With the prehistoric passenger ♪
- ♪ Foul ball ♪ - ♪ All breath, no physical contact ♪
♪ Bounce back, demonstrate invincible bomb raps ♪
♪ Not no hustler, no player or speakin' no crime crap... ♪
[knocking on door]
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Hey, man. Thank you for coming by, man.
How you been, man?
What I tell you about all that small talk?
And after what you did in Phoenix, you lucky I even stopped by.
Only reason I'm here is 'cause you say you know who did it.
[Jamel Johnson] Think I do.
I'm excited to show you this.
I think all the answers you're looking for are inside of this.
Check this out, yeah.
[♪ mellow music playing]
[Josiah Johnson] Jamelo Ball Productions?
[Jamel] I'm-- Just keep watching, man.
[Mero] And you know what I'm saying?
That's how I got Charles Oakley to stop vaping.
I did that. Your boy did that.
You know what I'm saying? The kid Mero right here.
You know what I'm saying? On this podcast.
♪ Now it's time for the Mero Mailbag, baby ♪
Where I answer questions from listeners
and today's question...
"Yo, Mero, how do I [bleep] this
stolen [bleep] that I got?"
Bruh, that's very incriminating.
Um, listen, I'm not going to answer that with words.
I'm going to answer it with a, an image
'cause a picture's worth a thousand words, okay?
[keyboard clacking]
J.R. Smith squinting meme.
Nope. J.R. Smith squinting?
J.R. Smith squinting meme.
Come on, dawg.
Yo, Teo, you touch my computer?
[Amin Elhassan] Twitter is crazy.
Twitter's like the consciousness of basketball.
- [speaker 1] NBA Twitter is... - A hot mess.
- [speaker 2] Brash. - [speaker 3] Obnoxious.
Spicy.
[Jamel] Informative too, though.
NBA what?
[speaker 4] NBA Twitter is argumentative.
[Amin] Hey, who's the better center,
Jokić or Embiid?
Fight to the death.
[speaker 5] You got your trolls, you got your casuals,
you got your die-hards, you got your...
- [speaker 6] Memes. - Memes?
[speaker 7] The memes, they keep me, they keep me going.
[speaker 8] Memes take two pop culture ideas
and meld them together.
[speaker 9] The Egyptians had hieroglyphics. We have memes.
You remember when Jimmy Butler caught the paper and balled it up and threw it?
That was a meme. Who knew?
[speaker 10] Athletes can tell the story themselves
and tell it their way.
I don't think that's true.
[speaker 11] That drives a conversation.
So, the NBA is following NBA Twitter,
not the other way around.
It's dangerous.
Hello, Hollywood, my name is Jamel Johnson,
the head of Jamelo Ball Productions.
We've made such classic films
like Bittersweet: The Michael Olowokandi Story,
or Cutoff: The Rise and Fall of Sleeve Jerseys.
But I'm not here to talk to you about those today.
Today, I'm here to tell you about a film that is going
to blow your damn mind.
This movie has everything.
Twists, turns, deceit, brotherhood...
deception, brotherhood again.
It's about Josiah Johnson,
the king of NBA Twitter.
His tweets were so influential
they got Jaylen Brown to dribble left-handed.
I heard he taught Kevin Durant how to write cursive.
- [news anchor] The king NBA Twitter... - [speaker 1] King of NBA Twitter...
[speaker 2] Josiah Johnson, he's the king.
[news anchor] You're the king of Twitter. How are you doing today?
I'm doing good. I don't know about that king of Twitter part, though,
but I appreciate you for the love.
I mean, even the king himself signed off on him,
so you know what it is.
[newscaster] LeBron, I can't wait to see what Josiah's going
- to tweet about you tonight. - [laughter]
Oh, yeah, you right. Uh, you already know he going to be--
- He already on it right now. - [crosstalk]
I guarantee he already did something for sure.
[Jamel] Josiah was the undisputed king
of a realm called NBA Twitter,
home to trolls and fans,
mortal enemies and close-knit families
where the currency is likes and retweets
and the language of the land, memes.
Or mee-mees if you're nasty.
[speaker] That anyone can throw a meme out there
to consistently find the new stuff
that everyone else steals,
that's true talent.
[Amin] These are the, the gods among us.
The people who can take something that just happened
and create a meme out of it,
[snaps fingers] out of thin air.
I can't think of anyone better at that than Josiah Johnson.
He is the greatest tweeter in the history of the platform.
These memes are from, like, Boyz n the Hood...
Ricky.
...Menace II Society, soft tale as Colors.
Like, he's going to come up with the perfect capture
of the NBA moment.
[Jasmine Watkins] He fuses shit that I think is funny
which shit that, like, "white" people think are funny.
- So, it's-- - [producer] I'm sorry, uh, quotations.
Sorry.
Hey, you are owed respect, sir.
He might be the greatest tweeter of all time.
This, this my dawg.
[Ros Gold-Onwude] Sustained excellence.
People like excellence on the way up,
but sustained excellence, I find sometimes, um,
you know, you gain a lot of haters.
You know, people are always looking for the next story on the way up.
It's hard to stay on the top.
[Josiah] Like the great Stephen Jackson said,
"I make love to pressure,"
but I do live in a world
where you constantly have to perform high.
They're waiting for you to fail. They're waiting for you to fall off.
They're waiting for that thing to not be as good...
as they think it should be.
[on video] I'm tired. Everywhere we go, man,
it's "meme boy this, meme boy that.
NBA Twitter this, NBA Twitter that."
You know, Gil, I have talents, bro.
You know, I can do stuff outside of NBA Twitter.
I don't know what it is yet, but I'ma figure it out.
Alright, until then, meme boy, can we start this show?
[Josiah] I feel like I've done everything I could do for the community.
I've done my part and helped elevate it to levels it had never reached before,
and it just wasn't fun anymore.
Uh, you know, when I wake up in the morning
and, and I'm not excited about doing the things
that I used to love to do, then that's just the world,
that's just God telling me that it's time to move on
and do other things.
[Jamel] I could tell whatever Josiah was about to say next
was going to echo in eternity.
Let me get that mic.
[Jamel] I'd never seen the man get serious like this.
- You need quiet? - Yeah, yo, yo.
Yo, if I can get everybody to come up closer to the stage real quick.
I got a special announcement.
Whatever y'all doing, stop it for one second,
pull up to the stage real quick.
Let's go. Don't be bashful. I know all y'all in here. We all family.
And one of the reasons I wanted to do this thing was, obviously,
to bring the whole NBA Twitter community together,
super, super important to me,
really helped me get to where I want to be now.
But after doing a lot of thought and consideration,
I'm going to be announcing my retirement from NBA Twitter.
[people booing]
[people shouting]
[crowd] [chanting] Traitor! Traitor!
[Jamel] And that's where I come in.
I was there trying to get interviews for a Bonzi Wells doc I was making.
I said Bonzi Wells, NBA legend,
the only guy ever to be named Bonzi?
I can't hear what you're saying.
I can't hear you, but it sounds like you got an attitude.
[Jamel] Do you have a Bonzi Wells memory?
- Nothing. - [Jamel] Nothing?
He served as the sports envoy to China,
Office of Sports Diplomacy,
the Office of Sports Diplomacy...
[Amin] On the subject of Josiah, however,
I never thought that he'd ever stop.
He was at the top of the game.
[Jamel] Everyone had something to say.
Why would he quit? He's dominating.
Yeah, I'm mad. [bleep] out of here.
This is like Jordan retiring in '93.
[Jamel] It became clear this was the story I was meant to tell.
This a movie. My life a movie, dawg.
This fall, I'ma be taking
my NBA Twitter talents into retirement.
It's devastating for the NBA Twitter world.
[Josiah] I've always stressed to people
that once I lose the sense of motivation,
it's time for me to move on from the game.
[Jamel] Community was down bad.
How the [bleep] do you retire from Twitter?
[Jamel] Everybody except for Jalen Rose's hairline.
He not retiring.
He's not done. He is not done.
One final tweet and then it's over.
I'm super appreciative of NBA Twitter and all the opportunities that it gave me,
the career it helped me establish,
but it was closing time, right?
It was, it was time to shut it down,
time to move on to something else
and really just-just figure out my life from-from that point forward.
[Jamel] Josiah posted his farewell tweet a day later
using the J.R. squints meme, and it was a masterpiece.
And then, Josiah was gone.
You know, heavy is the head
that wears the crown, as they say,
and that dude's been on the top of the mountain
for a long time.
But, you know, we're talking Everest
when we're talking about the, the top of NBA Twitter,
NBA meme mountain,
and there's not a lot of oxygen up there,
and it's cold as shit.
And also, there's a long line of people waiting
to go up there and take a selfie.
So, I-I'm just absolutely prepared to watch the fallout because...
when there's a power vacuum, you know,
that-that creates a lot of tension.
[Jamel] Then J.R. squints vanished.
How does a meme disappear like that?
[Jamel] Wiped from the internet.
I have some disturbing news to share with the nation.
The J.R. squints meme has gone missing.
That's heartbreaking, I guess.
It's-- That's-That's one of the best memes
we've ever had as a community.
Like, that's, that's number one.
If we don't have squints, we don't have anything.
Just blow the whole-- blow it all up.
[Amin] We're talking about the bedrock,
the very foundation what NBA Twitter is,
which are the memes.
We can't lose this. It's like-- We're losing recipes.
We can't also lose our memes.
Now the authorities have no leads.
This reporter will not rest
until we find out who's behind this.
[Jamel] It was even removed from existing tweets,
including Josiah's farewell tweet.
It stood as a monument to his career.
The Mona Lisa had been defaced, y'all.
As an or-a-tor... Orator?
As a teller of stories, I naturally saw the potential here.
A crime committed, a culprit to find.
J.R. squints, to a normal person,
oh, his disappearance means nothing.
But to somebody on NBA Twitter,
J.R. squints is possibly the most beloved meme of all time.
I was going to need help.
My first call was to my guy, Darius,
my go-to cameraman most of the time.
We shot this little scene of me drawing J.R. on film,
then I lost the film at the pool.
So, then we shot it again, digital this time.
- [phone line ringing] - Then I called Josiah.
Hey, Mr. Johnson, it's also Mr. Johnson. Yeah, it's your boy.
I just wanted to check up on you, man. I seen you left Twitter.
Uh, hit me back, man. Got some big stuff for you, homie.
Big homie, bestie.
Was it, was it something I said?
And is this still your phone number?
Call me back and tell me.
Tell me what I did too.
[automated voice] Your call has been forwarded...
It's all good if you don't hit me back, man. I'm just...
pondering existence.
Hey, listen, I'm through playing with you, dawg. Call me back!
Hey, yo!
His phone wasn't working, so me and Darius figure
we go over there and see him in person.
He got money. Look at this.
Thinking about what Josiah was up to since retiring
had become a full-time job for me.
I was in between real jobs, and I had some theories.
Something regal I imagined.
That's real.
My working relationship with Darius, I'll be honest,
it's one of the more important parts of this project.
If it wasn't for his willingness to explore...
and break into people's yards... we would not have had a film.
I tell him this every day.
Come on, dawg. This is a good idea.
I know it seems questionable right now,
but it's going to work, for both of us.
Me and you.
Hm.
The Brothers Johnson reunited! What's good, baby?
[laughs]
Hey, Darius, how's my hair, man?
- We go way back. We go-- - [Josiah] Did we ever meet or...
Let me stop you there. We met 1996 at ABCD Camp.
Why are you at my house?
Bro, I tried to call you, man. Your voicemail was full.
Wait, were you that 571 number that kept blowing up my phone?
Yeah, damn, you don't got my number saved?
Honestly, I don't even remember meeting Jamel at ABCD Camp.
I didn't even go to ABCD Camp, so I don't know what he's talking about.
It wasn't ABCD? Was it Five-Star?
Was it the, uh, Nike Hoops Jamboree and Sleepover?
What you sipping on right there?
That look like a nice bev.
It's a little Kenya martini.
Now I'm going to ask you one more time,
then I'm calling the cops.
Oh, wait, you was that kid with the funky, uh, sleeping bag?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. - [laughing] That was you.
- That was you. - The trash bag with the cotton balls...
- That was you. Okay., - ...in it. That was-- See, I knew.
- Yeah, that was true. - Yeah.
[Josiah] I've been working on my trick shots. Ooh.
[Jamel] Okay, now. That's-- Hey.
It was worse than I could have imagined.
This is my new life, Jamel. And damn.
- You make any? - I have not.
I knew I was the only one that could get through to you, my brother.
First of all, we're not brothers.
- Oop. - Man, that's alright, man.
No, wind took that one. I like your shorts.
I was doing it solely to bring Josiah back.
No other reasons possible.
The internet needed him.
Have you been on NBA Twitter lately?
- Just look, man. - Mother...
- Who did this? - [Jamel] Seven days,
things turned into Apocalypto, man.
[Josiah] Hold up, Donald Sterling got NAACP Man of the Year?
Jasmine Watkins rocking a Celtics jersey?
Dragonfly Jonez and LaJethro are going by their real names?
[Jamel] Yeah, they made everybody get real IDs.
We had to register like X-Men.
Yo, hold up, Darius, Darius, back up.
- Dracarys! - Yeah, hey, get out of here.
[Josiah] Ben Simmons broke Steph Curry's three-point record?
Six days, they made Bill O'Reilly the head coach of the Nets.
- [Josiah] Kawhi Leonard cut his braids? - [Jamel] Mm-hm.
Donated them to science.
[Josiah] Damn, Doc Rivers's got a OnlyFans?
And a Twitter Blue, man. I'm subscribed to both.
You only been gone a week, dawg.
Look at this, look at this calamity.
And then we stumbled onto something.
[Josiah] What's this?
[Jamel] A name that would come to haunt us.
[Josiah] Botto Porter Jr.?
[Jamel] Botto Porter Jr.
[Josiah] He only got one tweet. Let me see what's cracking.
[Jamel] It was a ransom note.
[Josiah] "If you ever want to see J.R. squint again,
"then you better pay attention when I speak next.
This is just the beginning"?
Damn, what we got ourselves into, man?
Josiah said, "Hey, I need to tap you
"to be the director of this documentary.
"This is the, the, like, a seminal piece.
"This is going to, like, uh, define my life's work, et cetera, et cetera.
Jamel, please, can you please help me?"
What?
Look, man, you gotta mess with me on this documentary, man.
Don't call nobody else in. I got it covered, man.
This is me. This is my big moment, alright?
Highly qualified, alright?
I won my third grade spelling bee.
Second place, fourth grade.
It writes itself.
Jamel Johnson, Josiah Johnson,
the Brothers Johnson, Johnson and Johnson.
But we go harder than the baby powder, man.
I could shoot it, I could edit it.
Um, proficient on Microsoft Word.
I sold weed at NYU and Juilliard.
- Damn. - I did a documentary on the D band.
I did a documentary on my mom's church hats.
What was it called?
A Queen and Her Crowns.
[Josiah] You only got, like, 27 followers, how we going to do this?
Hey, don't worry about how many followers I got.
How many tweets I got? Four million.
[Josiah] That's dedication.
Quantity over quality, everybody know that.
[Josiah] Alright, man, look,
Ava finally hit me back.
She said if I text her one more time,
she going to call the cops, so I guess I'll rock with you.
Come on, man. Hey, man, that's what I'm talking about.
I don't even know no cops.
We good, man. Let's get this money, man.
[Josiah] Let's get it.
We gotta get some wires up. We gotta, uh, build a task force.
Who was Botto Porter Jr.?
Was it one of KD's burners?
Was he from NFL Twitter perhaps?
[Josiah] We need to establish some ground rules.
- [Jamel] Okay. - [Josiah] Rule number one, no lactose.
[Jamel] Or was it an inside job?
Rule number four, you gotta tell everybody we partners.
I'm the star, I'm the director.
[Jamel] NBA Twitter has had its fair share of unique personalities.
Was Botto Porter Jr. one of us?
[Josiah] Well, NBA Twitter's enlightening just because
of all the incredible personalities
that have-have arisen from it.
I remember when this thing first started
during the NBA lockout, 2011, uh, it was a different time.
I am on a drug; it's called Charlie Sheen.
Obama was president, gas prices were, were reasonable.
We were just coming off of one of the worst recessions in American history.
And, uh, it was just a time of opportunity.
But lockout started, and there's just no basketball.
And, uh, we were all just kind of stuck in limbo,
waiting for the season to start,
and then, uh, something beautiful and incredible happened.
The players kind of all got together,
decided, "Look, we're going to give back, uh, to the fans."
So, they just started popping up at-at summer leagues all over the country.
Drew League, Goodman League, really leagues around the world.
And for me, personally, I was, you know, doing a lot
of just documenting stuff like that.
Had a camera, so I would just show up to spots.
I was able to show up to the Drew League
when Kobe pulled up in August.
You know, had that great game against Harden
where he hit the game-winner.
If you see the footage of that, that's my footage.
Twitter was still kind of in, in its infancy at that point,
but we all kind of came together
just unbeknownst to ourselves.
And you just started to see a lot of these same faces
at a lot of these same different events
and just a lot of people like myself
working in other fields who were passionate about basketball,
but just didn't really have an opportunity
to showcase their knowledge, their comedic timing,
their humor, their sensibilities, their ability for satire.
It's really just spawned this whole culture where,
you know, NFL does the best numbers, makes the most money,
but on a social standpoint, nothing is getting with NBA Twitter.
Nobody wants our fade.
We are the most, uh, elaborate community,
uh, most essential community,
and most vital community I think of sports.
[Jamel] And now that community was under attack,
but the Brothers Johnson were on the case.
I make this one, I'm directing the movie,
and you're giving me your ESPN+ login.
I'll give you Hulu.
Ahh!
♪ Lights, camera, action ♪
Well, I guess you're the director.
♪ It's time to act ♪
♪ You love to act ♪
If this was really an inside job,
someone in the NBA Twitter family...
then it could have been somebody I already filmed.
So we went to my edit lair so I could show Josiah the footage.
We ready to go, man. We fully equipped.
Me and Darius, we got the edit lair all set up.
We already done shot half the documentary already.
Bienvenidos.
[Josiah] I'm used to people gassing things up, hyping them up,
but this was gassed up at a level that I had never truly seen before.
What kind of edit lair is this?
Dude, it is the lair, player.
Cutoff: Rise and Fall of the Sleeve Jerseys?
[Jamel] Mm-hm.
Bittersweet: The Michael Olowokandi Story?
Man, these ain't no real docs.
[Jamel] Well, not with that attitude.
He claimed that he had the Adobe Premiere Suite.
Uh, looked like it was a bootleg janky version.
There's nothing premiere about this Adobe.
[Jamel] Look, this is Adobo Premiere.
It's just a little spicier.
Why are Jasmine and LaJethro on the screen?
Well, I had them in for a Bonzi Wells doc I'm working on,
but the footage works for us perfect.
We started with the folks who seemed the most shady,
tried to poke holes in their story.
[on video] Can you tell me where you were when the meme went missing?
Yeah, I was, uh, I was minding my cannabis garden in my backyard.
You know damn well he don't know how to garden.
I don't even know how to do no shit like that.
I'm not smart enough to wipe a meme from the internet.
I could have been on a date. You don't know that.
[Josiah] Damn, is that a John Wall Jersey?
Goddamn right.
Who could it be?
[Jemele Hill] I don't know. I-- Look, I--
Look, I don't know nothing about that. I don't know nothing about that.
I don't know nothing about no squinting.
I don't know nothing about no J.R. Smith.
Only J.R. I know is J.R. from Dallas.
Damn, you got a good-looking family, bro.
Hold up. Is this me?
[Jamel] I thought you'd like it, honestly.
Trying to get us in a family mode.
[Josiah] Do you live here?
I work here, and what is life if not work?
First things first, it was not me.
It was him.
[Josiah] Fifteenth place.
[Jamel] Hey, somebody gotta do it.
They make trophies for that?
[Jamel] Hell yeah.
Well, I didn't know about that. It went missing?
[Jamel] His fingers is too clasped.
Look how clasped, them fingers look like a lobster tail.
I'm terrified right now.
This man is from the hood. What's he scared of?
Look the way he's swigging that Chardonnay.
That ain't Chardonnay. That's apple juice.
Man, this guy's a freak.
The whole time I was talking to him,
he was pretending to be drunk.
I'm like, dawg, that's Mott's. I can smell it.
[Cuttino Mobley] I don't like telling on nobody, you know?
I don't like telling on nobody.
Ron Artest, um... [clears throat]
Metta World Peace,
he may know a little bit.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Look, you told me this was off the record. Like, what-what is all this?
Yeah, I'm going to be real.
If Metta World Peace stole it, he can have it.
- [Jamel] That's real. - [Josiah] I don't want that for it.
Hey, yo, holmes, look, you gotta run.
I'm trying to watch the game with my son.
Flavor Flav?
[Jamel] Three hours had passed,
two Shaquille O'Neal CDs had been listened to,
and one meme was still missing.
We were getting nowhere,
and nowhere was getting us.
So I decided to try something new.
I played Josiah some clips I felt he should see.
[Zach Harper] [on video] It's devastating for the NBA Twitter world.
Josiah's the, I would say, currently the best at it.
Maybe not the greatest ever...
but the best at it now.
I'm devastated. I mean, I...
He is saying some nice stuff in there.
He a hater, but he got heart.
Just come back, save the day, bro. Come on, we need you.
[Josiah] Caron Butler needs me?
Hey, that's what he said.
You mean a lot to these people, man. Look.
You guys are not processing this the way I am.
He threw up off-camera...
out of pure anxiety.
Meanwhile, a Twitter sleuth found a clue in the ransom video.
If you tweak the color and invert the something or other,
it reveals an MSG logo burned into the TV
from never changing the channel.
It was a clue. It was a new clue.
Botto Porter was a Knicks fan!
'Cause every single team has their own version of Twitter
whether that's Lakers Twitter or Warriors Twitter or Celtics Twitter.
I think Warriors Twitter is at war with everybody
'cause nobody likes them.
Warriors Twitter's definitely that crazy cousin
who, literally, you know, just got some fly gear recently
and they think that they run shit now.
Warriors fans are not the ones you want to deal with.
I mean, they're-- they don't know enough.
Like, basketball was invented for them in 2015,
so it's not like you're dealing with, like, true old heads,
but there's a lot more of them than you think.
[Josiah] Clippers Twitter, up and coming, burgeoning,
really, really some talented, smart people there.
Nets Twitter's really just Mina Kimes, but it's growing.
I feel like Boston Twitter's at war with everybody, particularly Josiah.
He be on they head.
You should be nice to Pacers fans.
We've done nothing but be kind.
Also, the Indiana Pacers fan base is the worst fan base
in the history of basketball.
I would say the Lakers fans,
I'm not telling you anything you don't know, darkness.
[Josiah] You think about Lakers Twitter,
notorious for bullying people to greatness.
Like I said, we saw it with KCP in the Bubble,
we saw it with Kuz, but th-they'll literally bully people
and take them to a whole 'nother level in their game
out of fear of, of feeling the wrath of Lakers Twitter.
Whew. Jazz, not good.
Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. Too white.
The Miami Heat. Get 'em out of here.
Knicks fans. Ew. Okay.
[Cuttino] New York Knicks fans are terrible.
- Bing bong. - [Josiah] Never trust a Knicks fan, man.
Stephen A. Smith, Spike Lee.
Way too old, right? And the hairlines are way too janky.
This is true.
But what other Knicks fan do we know with that same level of desert thirst?
- Mero. - [Jamel] Michael Rapa-- Mero.
Yeah, Mero!
I never liked him anyway.
[Jamel] It turned out Mero was in Los Angeles
to launch a new line of blunt wraps,
so we invited him over.
Okay, uh, we got a suspect. It's Mero.
What does "Mero" mean? Is that Dominican for "criminal"?
[Josiah] After looking at the note,
seeing the way "just" was spelled "jurst,"
which sounds like "jur," which sounds like "ur"...
- Mm. - ...Mero was the prime suspect.
And he was the first person who saw that the meme was gone
and if I know anything, whoever smelt it, did what?
Dealt it.
[Josiah] We knew with Mero, he's a clever guy,
and, uh, we had to be really strategic and resourceful
in getting it out of him.
He wasn't just going to give it to us.
Now what? We see you, Mero.
[Jamel] We set up three secret cameras.
One in the tissue box.
[Josiah] We going to get him.
[Jamel] One overhead.
[Josiah] We're gonna get that meme back.
Yeah, we about to get his ass.
[Jamel] One in a bag of Fritos.
[Josiah] Yep.
These New York guys, man, I'm sick of it.
[whispers] He was never going to see it coming.
[Josiah] The charcuterie going to get it out of him.
Mm-hm. You be the bad cop, I'll be the badder cop.
- Mero's an idiot. - [folder thuds]
Huh? Keep your feet shoulder width apart
and then kind of come from the chest area.
[Josiah] Hiya!
[Jamel] The trap had been laid.
All that was left was for the rat to find the cheese board.
- Thanks for coming through, my guy. - [Mero] No. Oh, for sure, man.
[indistinct chatter]
...kick it, like, play a little, you know what I'm saying?
[Jamel] He was nervous. I could smell the sweat dripping down his back.
[Mero] You got, you got a PS5 on deck or something?
[Josiah] Oh, we, we gon' play.
- We definitely playing. - [Josiah] Yeah.
And Mero's a good dude. We're good friends. I trust him.
But he also chokes up his Tims too tight.
And he's a Knicks fan, so how trustworthy can he really be?
How about you have a seat? Go ahead and sit down.
We got a little-- We got this, uh, meat platter for you.
Oh, shit. Oh, the charcuterie?
Yeah, yeah. Now, now, we brought the full Colombo set out for you...
[Mero] Oh, sh--
[Josiah] New Yorkers are known for gassing things up
- like basketball... - Mm-hm.
- ...outdoor leagues... - Yeah, yeah.
- ...pizza. - Yeah, yeah. Sandwiches.
Pizzas are pretty good, though. I'm not going to lie.
[Jamel] How you feeling, man? What you think, man? Knicks this year.
I'm thinking it's the conference finals, you know what I'm saying?
- I'm feeling good. - [Jamel] That's true. Yeah.
Boston done seceded from the Union. That might be y'all's.
It's the NBA, you know what I'm saying?
Like, anything can happen, you know what I'm saying?
So, but, uh, you know, what's up, wh-what's up with y'all?
- You know what I mean? How y'all... - [Jamel] Oh, man, we...
[Josiah] Just hanging, just hanging...
[Jamel] Just gon' parlay in a little bit, you know what I'm saying?
[Josiah] Enjoy the meat. Take a bite.
- Yeah, nah... - [Josiah] It's tasty.
[Jamel] Yeah, that's good.
- [♪ ominous piano note plays] - [Mero] Ooh, s-some ominous music.
[Jamel] Yeah, w-- I just got this tuned up.
- [Josiah] Okay. - Okay.
- [Josiah] Oh, you hear that? Ooh. - Sound like something might go down.
- Mm-hm. Mm-hm. - [folder thuds]
Okay? Yo!
[Jamel] We know you know more than you're telling us.
H-How, how, bro?
- Don't you try and play us. - [Josiah] Don't play us.
Don't even play with us, though.
Double teamed, homie.
- You ever done hard time before? - Nah.
[whispers] You're finished.
[normal] You pay full price for that chain?
I-I mean, I know the guy. So, he...
- Oh, interesting. - You know a guy.
- And I paid in cash. - Now he knows guys now.
Now he knows guys now.
You don't know nothing about them memes, but you know guys, huh?
- [Mero] I know some guys. - I know some guys.
I know Five Guys. I know all type of guys.
- Yeah. - [Josiah] You believe him?
The only thing I believe in is the 2008 Warriors.
Me and Barack Obama want to know why you did it, Mero.
He's looking at me like he's, like he's...
- He knows. - ...he knows something.
You think he doesn't know?
[Barack Obama voice] Where's the meme, Mero?
- I don't, I don't know. - That's my Obama voice.
- I've been practicing. - I don't, I don't--
- That did sound pretty good, man. - It was, it was a fire Obama.
[Josiah] But then as we got to really investigate Mero,
realize he might not have been the one who did it.
But I ain't steal the meme, bro. Like, I deadass-- I'm like...
- Alright, fine. - I believe him.
[Jamel] Okay.
Thank you. Shit. Bro, can we play 2K now?
[Jamel] Well, tell us what you do know.
Listen, man, y'all my boys...
but y'all gotta let this go.
[Josiah] We can't let it go, Mero. We can't.
You have to. You don't understand, man.
This goes all the way to the top.
You know how there's, how there's NBA Twitter,
there's, like, a deeper level, B.
You know what I'm saying?
This is a group of unhinged individuals, B.
They meet up off of Twitter, bruh.
Wait, they meet up in real life?
In real life!
That's what I'm trying to tell y'all!
Boy, if you watch the video closely,
the last frame, there's a goat in the reflection.
[Josiah] LeBron's in the video?
- The GOAT, if he's-- - Miguel Jordan.
I mean, goat adjacent.
No. Like, a goat. Like a... [imitates bleating].
The goat, he runs everything. You know what I'm saying?
You don't want to get involved with that type of stuff.
Trust me, I'm out.
If y'all want to pursue this, I could give you this.
I know the next meeting is in Phoenix in two days.
Underground, Phoenix, two days.
[Jamel] They gotta be crazy if they meeting in Phoenix.
You know what I'm saying? Hello?
If y'all want to pursue this--
- Yeah, man. - Let's go.
Y'all do your thing and y'all my boys,
so I'm going to help y'all, but just call me.
But, like, you know, like if you really, really, really,
really, really, really need to.
Like, six reallys.
If it's, like, two or three reallys, don't call me.
- [Josiah] Okay. - Four reallys or more,
it's okay, call me.
But star six seven.
So, we good?
- Yeah, yeah, we good. - [crosstalk]
So, let's play some 2K, baby. Let's go. Let's run it up.
[Jamel] Ah, we don't even got it, dawg.
[Mero] Oh, you don't got, you don't got the--
- [Jamel] We don't got 2K. - [Mero] You don't got 2K?
And then, so then, we rolled out, you know, simple as that.
[♪ "Ruff Ryders' Anthem" by DMX playing]
[Josiah] I mean, truly, when I saw that van,
I thought it was the van from Boogie Nights.
[Jamel] You knew about the van.
I told you exactly how this van runs and how it looks.
[Josiah] Man, you sure you can't fix that seat?
Yo, man, this how the car came. It makes it more valuable.
[Josiah] Yeah, bro, do you have any idea where we're going right now?
Well, we're definitely going forward, I can tell you that.
♪ Snitches want to try, snitches want to lie ♪
♪ Then snitches wonder why... ♪
The van, uh, I would say it's more than a vehicle.
It-It's a-a piece of history.
[Josiah] Why it smell like Wilt Chamberlain's nipples
- up in here, man? - It was the last air freshener they had.
- Woo! - [Josiah] Hey, this car is [bleep] up.
[Jamel] You whipping this thing, though. I'll give you that.
♪ Damn right we did it, what the F you gon' do? ♪
- [Josiah] Us and the open road. - Bring my Rubik's Cube?
Did you say car sick?
'Cause I like to use "sick" as a positive.
[Josiah] We gotta get there, man. No stopping.
- [Jamel] None? - None like Kendrick.
Yo, man, check NBA Twitter. See what's going down.
[Jamel] Alright, alright, alright.
I mean, you know, NBA Twitter, it wasn't around--
I'm kind of happy about it
because, in my day,
I didn't want certain things on social,
so I'm really grateful that it came later
when I was retired.
So, let's just keep it at that.
Some of the most ignorant things trend on social media.
Like, I-I'll give you an example.
I think it was one of the players in the association didn't have lotion on,
in a basketball game,
and that was, like, the highlight of the game.
Not Brooklyn versus the, uh, the Milwaukee Bucks defending champions,
not, you know, Giannis versus KD.
All they was talking about was just
this guy didn't have lotion on.
And I think that was just crazy.
[Zach Schwartz] For me, the first moment
with NBA Twitter was the Temecula night,
uh, where the dude was getting into it
with another dude about Kobe.
[Amin] One guy challenged the other guy
to a fight in Temecula, California.
They picked Christmas Day.
Presents, trees, kids saying, "What did Santa bring me today?"
"No, sorry, Dad's gotta go whoop somebody's ass."
In Temecula, California.
And the one guy drove two hours or whatever it was to Temecula.
The guy is in Temecula posting pictures of, like, "You're now entering Temecula."
Only to find out that the other guy not only wasn't there,
he wasn't even in the state of California.
I was on SportsCenter on Christmas day
and so then I said, "Before anyone tries to meet me in Temecula about this,"
and everyone get crazy.
They're like, "Oh, my God,
"something from Twitter actually made the leap
to real life TV."
You're welcome.
[Jamel] Where are we at, man?
Why you got us on these backroads?
How long you say this ride was?
[Josiah] It's supposed to be about six hours,
but we've been on the road for about eight.
[Jamel] You check the map?
I got the map right here, bro.
I'm like LeBron, I'm cerebral with mine.
Alright, bro, check NBA Twitter. See what's going down.
Yo, man. Check NBA Twitter. See what's going down.
Yo, just check NBA Twitter again. See what's going down.
[exhales]
[Jamel] I thought you retired.
I mean, why is it bothering you so much, man?
It must mean some amount of something, retired man.
Yo...
Botto Porter took 10 more memes, man.
Damn, 10 more?
- Doc Rivers? - [Jamel] Gone, man.
- [Josiah] Harden side eye? - [Jamel] Gone.
[Josiah] Alonzo mourning?
[Jamel] Also gone.
[Josiah] LeBron stare?
[Jamel] They all gone, man!
[Josiah] Bobo?
[Jamel] Gone, gone.
[speaker 1] [on phone] I mean, I think Adam Silver should have declared
a state of emergency a long goddamn time ago.
[Michelle Kim] [on phone] And when we lose these memes,
it's like we're losing the vowels and the consonants.
Imagine if we didn't have the letter A.
Like, just think about that.
[speaker 2] Damn, people going missing?
Scary times, dawg.
Yo, I think we should go live, tell the people we're on the case.
Try to get the morale up, you know what I'm saying?
[Josiah] No, I'm good.
Alright, we going live.
Three, two, one, hey, yo! Wow.
It's my brother, man.
[Josiah] Bro, we are not related.
It's Jamel and Josiah, the Brothers Johnson.
Uh, we on the case.
Look, everybody just relax. Take it easy.
I know it looks bad right now, but we're handling things.
Remember to focus on your breathing out there, y'all.
We going to get them memes back soon, alright?
Tell 'em something. Tell 'em, yeah.
Get me off of camera, man.
Ah, yeah. Nah, he going to get with y'all later.
NBA Twitter, it's like a very interesting intersection
where delusional meets stupid.
Social media, especially, people want to try and flex
and, and people play a character that they're, they're not in real life.
So, they act a certain way.
They have a certain tone about 'em.
With my brother, man.
It's me and my brother, man.
Social media, especially NBA Twitter,
has allowed them to be able to say
any type of shit that they want.
You're a weak ass, [bleep] ass, candy ass, flopping [bleep].
Go [bleep] yourself, you cheating ass [bleep].
Angrier now. It's a lot angrier.
Alright, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, Q and A time.
Hold up. Hey, what's up, everybody?
Let's tap in. Tap in with us.
Oh, whoa.
These comments are a little, a little rude, man.
Jrue Holiday [bleep] nuts.
[Josiah] LeBron could post a tweet about opening up a new school,
you look at the mentions, immediately, "Oh, you're a fraud. I hate you."
NBA fans are terrible.
Wait, are you taping this?
[clears throat] Okay, hey, you know what?
I love the NBA fans, especially New York Knicks fans.
Very encouraging...
- [crowd chanting] - [Cuttino] ...supportive.
Okay, Cleveland fans, LeBron James, burning the jersey,
all that, I love it.
Uh, I played at UCLA with a guy named Matt Barnes
who's a good friend of mine
and Matt gets trolled all the time
and then when he actually pulls up on these people in real life,
it's like, "Oh, man, I'm a big fan, I love you. No."
You know what I mean?
Yeah, I fire back. I fire back.
They get cussed out by people like me
'cause they say crazy stuff to me,
so I retaliate now that I don't get fined for doing it anymore.
I used to-- Look, I used to hop in some DMs.
I used to hop in some DMs.
But the trolls, like, they just want a reaction.
Hey, I know how my clothes are supposed to fit, alright?
Nah, I bought all this myself,
and this my van.
- Yeah, straight cash, homie. - [tire bursts]
- [Josiah] Oh, shit. - [Jamel screams]
[Josiah] Think we got a flat.
Bro, squeal with some bass in your voice.
Well, you know, I remember the tire going flat.
My first thought was, "Remain calm,
keep your heart rate at a minimum."
I kind of started to channel, like, snakes,
you know, various reptiles.
[Josiah] Just get me out of here, man. Oh, my goodness.
Get me out of here.
You gotta get out first 'cause that's the only door that work.
And Josiah might've been a little rattled, you know?
No pun intended.
I was rattled?
Dawg, it's 300 degrees in this van.
Can you please get up out the van?
When I'm ready.
I thought you might've been a little rattled. A little--
- You looked a little rattle-y. - I'm all conditions, bro.
Should have never came on this trip with you.
Thank you.
[Josiah] My back hurt.
We all got backs, man. Come on.
Yeah, we caught a flat out here.
I was just wondering if you, um...
you got a AAA card we could use or...
[Mero] [on phone] I mean, I can send-- Can-- I can send you a metro card.
Do they take those out there?
I mean, what...
Yo, you said...
You said call you if we needed help.
Hey, this is, this is help time.
- I got you. - You the help.
I got you right now. I picked up the phone.
[Jamel] Hurry, get us.
[Mero] Oh, go get you?
- Brother, I'm-- - Dawg, I thought you had my back, man.
- I thought you-- - [Mero] Yeah, so that's the thing,
like, I just said that.
You know what I'm saying? Like, I ain't really...
I... Like, I, you know--
Like, i-it's a colloquialism.
[Jamel] Alright, well, well, thanks for teaching me a new word, dawg.
Have a good one.
[exclaims]
[Josiah] What'd he say?
He told us we could eat his shorts, man.
[bleep] Mero.
Nah, we've been out here a while, dawg.
We gotta be in Phoenix by tomorrow, bro.
You alright? Need water?
I don't got none, but-but just let me know if you need one.
I'll give you the water first when we--
So, you got a map the whole time?!
What does the map say?
- [Josiah] You know how to read maps? - You serious?
I think I got a bar.
I got a bar for your ass.
We were stranded in the desert
with no hope in sight.
Is this what it's like to play for the Washington Wizards?
My life started to flash before my eyes,
all the people I had trolled online.
Should I have just said the Warriors were good?
No, never.
I'd rather die with nothing.
But before shit got too real, we found a town.
The town of Dukes.
And I thought them fire ants was going to jump me.
They took my hat.
- [Josiah] It's a cold game. - [Jamel sighs]
[Jamel] Dukes was a small town. It only had one bar.
It might have been the only building.
[Josiah] God bless you.
[Jamel] You're welcome, sir.
We walked inside, but it smelled like outside.
Ugh. I didn't like it, man. Not one bit.
- [people chattering] - [♪ hip-hop music playing]
[Jamel] But at least they had the game on.
- What's, uh, what's going on with that? - Oh, uh, that's Darius.
We settled in and watched the game.
See, that's the thing, a lot of people don't realize
you can be European and Black.
- Wow. - Whoa, a tight game.
You guys watch basketball?
A little bit.
[Jamel] It turned out the whole town was die-hard.
Come on, Curry.
[patron] What's your ideal starting five look like?
I'll probably put LeBron at center.
- Okay. - LeBron at power forward.
[Jamel] Move like if a baby could run,
but also was pushing a shopping cart.
[Josiah] LeBron at small forward,
LeBron at shooting guard,
and point guard, probably Luka.
Personal favorite, Popeye Jones.
This little town still using dial-up internet
loved the NBA as much as I did.
I saw a guy writing a tweet with a sewing machine.
This lady was wearing basketball shorts under her jeans,
and this woman told me she used to date Ricky Rubio.
I don't know why I bet on these games.
They screw me over.
[Jamel] And then this dude, yo,
I don't even know what was up with this dude.
Dukes is strange.
- Pickle? - You don't know pickleball?
[Jamel] But it was fun.
[Josiah] Hey, do what you want to do.
- [Jamel] Well, that's like 90. - [Josiah] Do what you wanna do.
[Jamel] As we talked with everyone, one phrase kept coming up.
You at least gotta stick around for tomorrow.
- Tomorrow, we're having a rally. - [Jamel] Do I have to come to the rally?
- A rally going on. - We are having a rally.
[Jamel] I don't know about rallies, man.
We rally, rally, rally.
- Hard maybe. - Hard maybe.
[Jamel] We will be with you in spirit.
I like the energy.
Maybe you don't fully understand what the rally is.
[Jamel] They held a town rally every week in hopes
that it would bring an NBA team to their town of 17.
- Ready, everybody? - [all] Yeah!
Jamel, what do you think, "Hi, Mom"?
- Nice to meet you. - What's up, Mom?
Are they crazy?
Better than what I thought they were doing.
Kind of like it now.
Once I figured out what they were talking about, I kind of liked it.
They were definitely delusional,
but aren't we all?
Why are NBA fans so passionate?
Childhood.
You know, when you're growing up, you need to attach yourself to something,
and these different teams help them become one,
and then they see the big family of whatever team that is.
So, I think you-you start to obsess over that
because it's like now it's I-- my family has expanded,
not just in my community, but just around the country and the world.
[Jamel] Earl offered us a place to stay for the night.
He also offered to fix our tire.
With the help of this odd little white man, we was back up.
NBA family runs deep.
[Josiah] Hey, you think Darius need a cover?
Nah, I think the camera keeps him warm.
Cool. Alright, man, well, let's do this.
We got a long day ahead of us.
Time for some shuteye. Good night, brother.
[claps hands]
- [Josiah claps hands] - [Josiah] No, wait, hold up, hold up.
We not brothers.
[claps hands]
[Jamel claps hands]
Alright, look, I know we're not, like, brothers brothers.
Can I say "bro"? Does that still count?
Let me sleep on it.
[claps hands]
[Josiah claps hands]
Are you afraid of the dark?
I mean, a little bit, but, like...
since we all in here together, I'm good with it.
[claps hands]
That night, while we slept,
Botto Porter struck again...
playing into the biggest and oldest debate, and it worked.
- Oh, come on. It's only one debate. - It's too easy.
It's-It's-- Like, what-- Whoa, classic debate.
- Who's the best player? Michael or LeBron? - That's right. Michael or LeBron.
Michael Jordan, LeBron James, who's the GOAT?
[speaker] I'm a 'Bron fan. You know, somebody's a Jordan fan.
[Jamel] He hacked NBA Twitter legends
and spread incendiary rumors
designed to turn the community against one another.
Botto knew just what to post to set NBA Twitter ablaze.
[♪ dramatic music playing]
It was chaos.
NBA Twitter was on fire.
[Chris Haynes] Sources have told me that the basketball Twitter world
is being attacked.
I'm hearing news is being spread that's false,
memes have gone missing, and accounts are being hacked
and, apparently-- What the [bleep]?
I just tweeted a porn link.
[LaJethro Jenkins] Scary times, dawg.
If anybody's going to solve this, it's Josiah, bro.
The king of NBA Twitter, of course.
He's the only person that can get this figured out, man.
[Jamel claps hands]
You think if we fall asleep at the exact same time,
we'll all end up in the same dream?
Man, I could not get used to this.
[Josiah] Not at all.
[Jamel] Breakfast was good, though.
[Josiah] Them biscuits was better than Popeye's.
I ain't even going to front.
[Jamel] Whoa, calm down.
[Josiah] You right, you right.
- [Jamel] And then this-- - Ta-da.
[Jamel] Whoa.
Good morning, gentlemen. How'd just sleep?
Tires are full of air, tank is full of gas.
She's all ready for your wonderful trip.
- [Josiah] Man, thanks, bro. - Of course.
- [Jamel] Appreciate you a lot, man. - Pleasure to meet you.
- Thanks. - Pleasure to meet you.
[Jamel] How long did you say 'til we got to Phoenix?
[Josiah] Probably about two hours or maybe even four.
You're sure of this now?
I mean, as sure as one man could be of anything.
Well, you're driving like you know where you're going.
[Josiah] Hey, Jamel.
Is that our people?
- [residents] Bring a team to Dukes! - [Jamel] Yeah!
- [residents] Bring a team to Dukes! - [leader] Say what?!
[residents] Bring a team to Dukes!
Bring a team to Dukes. Ah!
- [Josiah] Bring a team to Dukes. - I know that.
- [Josiah] Bring a team to Dukes. - Say what?
I'm sure they got room for a stadium at the very least.
[Josiah] I'm going to miss them dudes, man.
I'll probably never go back to Dukes ever again in my life, but...
- That's real. - ...I will tell tales of their compassion.
♪ I hope to never see this town again ♪ [snapping fingers]
We were back on the road again, heading to Phoenix
to sneak into the secret underground meeting,
trying to see if this goat character was responsible
for stealing J.R. squints.
♪ Meme, meme ♪
Singing helped pass the time.
♪ What you mean? ♪
♪ Meme, meme, meme ♪
♪ Are we friends? ♪
♪ Yes, we are friends ♪
- Ooh. - ♪ Not quite brothers yet ♪
- ♪ But friends ♪ - ♪ That's okay with me ♪
[Josiah] ♪ Nonetheless ♪
Hey, uh, you mind grabbing me some pretzels?
Actually, yeah, pretzels do sound good, man.
- I'll be right back. - Many thanks.
[Jamel sighs]
Alright, here we are.
[sighs] This is going to end bad.
- [♪ dramatic music playing] - [Josiah] Hey.
- [Jamel] Hey. - They only had one bag left.
- We drove to Phoenix. - [Jamel] We are in...
- [Josiah] We are in Phoenix. - [Jamel] This is Phoenix.
- [Josiah] Yes. - [Jamel] It looks just like Phoenix.
We arrived in Phoenix, and we got ready to go undercover.
Basketball cameras, check.
Headband cam...
check.
Mustache, check.
That ain't it, dawg.
[Jamel] But also vetoed.
[Josiah] You got this, Jel.
- I got this. - [Josiah] Remember your training.
[on radio] Bro, why you walking like that?
[Jamel] What do you mean? This is normal.
This is how people walk all the time.
[Josiah] Alright, if everything's good,
give me a thumbs up in your headband cam.
[Jamel] I don't know. I'm freaking out, man.
Oh, I should have learned to trade. I'm not sure about this.
[Josiah] Bro, just breathe, alright. Relax. Count to three.
[Jamel] [counts rapidly] One, two, three.
[Josiah] Jamel, you were built for this moment.
[Jamel] Alright, that helped. Thanks, man.
Oh, man, they got security.
[Josiah] Jamel, remember your training.
- [security] Hold up, player. - [Jamel] Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I'm here for the, uh, internet basketball meetup.
What? Oh. No, man.
Come on.
[Jamel] I'm the president of the Jamel Johnson fan club.
- Who? - Jamel, you're going off-script.
[Jamel] You don't know Jamel Johnson?
There's no such thing as the Jamel Johnson fan club.
- The player? - [Jamel] The prince of Twitter?
[Josiah] You're about to get us caught, dawg.
[Jamel] The king of Coles.
I can show you some clips. Yo, he got some standup at the airport.
You know what, man? Nah, just-just go ahead.
[Jamel] Oh, you sure?
- I could email it to you. - [security] No, we good.
- We good. We alright. - [Jamel] Alright, thanks, brother.
Alright, brother, you're in the door.
Phase one, complete. Now it's time for phase two.
Get your mind right and your game tight.
[Jamel] [whispering] Okay, so I'm-I'm seeing a draft pick.
He hasn't moved. Uh, he's just standing there.
Okay, I'm going in.
[people chattering]
Baseball twitter? I don't even like baseball.
Alright, this is even more serious than we could have possibly imagined.
Be careful.
[Jamel] What you're about to see is some
of the most scummiest, most crummiest, bummiest...
Man, I ain't never seen losers losing like this.
[Jamel gasps]
My God!
[indistinct chatter]
But alas, I had a job to do.
[member] I want you to write. Win a real ring.
Alright, Mela, you know what time it is.
Get the basketball cameras in place.
Come on, Jamel.
- Lock in. - [Jamel] Balls for the table.
How y'all doing, folks? Basketball?
But of course.
[whispering] Okay, I'm going to go mingle.
See who we're working with.
NBA Twitter, it's a beautiful mix of-of-of minds
with, you know, sometimes outlandish opinions.
I'm telling you, man, you came to the right place.
I got the tapes. Steph Curry ain't a Hall of Famer, that's what I think.
Alright, Jamel, look, you're coming up on a hot taker.
All they do is spout hot takes for a living.
The Magic are title contenders.
[Jamel] The meeting was filled with representatives
from every corner of NBA Twitter.
Good and bad. Mostly bad.
The freaks were out.
You, uh, trying to buy some jersey knockoffs?
[Amin] The photoshoppers.
You want to see Kevin Durant and Kyrie Irving
in a Laker uniform?
[Jamel] You're the guy who does that?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I can get you anything you need.
Put Giannis on the Lakers, LeBron's on the Bulls.
Been real popular recently.
Then you got people that are just completely off their rocker
and not ashamed about it, right?
Like, to be a fan is to be short for fanatic,
so sometimes that's what you get.
You know, uh,
you know the Raptors mascot, Stripes?
- [Jamel] Hell yeah. - I'm his cousin, uh, Reggie.
[Jamel] Nice to meet you.
Mascots, we're people, you know?
- [Jamel] Well, most of the time. - Alright, you're good.
And, of course, somebody just stole the basketball camera.
[Jasmine] Stan Twitter is when you stan
for, like, one player.
- [Jamel] Top five of all time. - All time?
Michael Jordan, MJ, M. Jordan, Michael J.
- Bill Murray. - [Jamel] Ah. Too slow.
Hi, my little cuties. It's me, your girl.
Alright, Jamel, look, you're coming up on a content creator.
Whatever you do, do not let them blow your cover, dawg.
Remember your training, Jamel.
And I am here with...
- Randy Brondelo. - Yes!
And tell me, tell me, what are you here?
- What are you repping? - I am here.
I'm the president of the Jamel Johnson Fan Club.
- Okay. - My name is Randy Brondelo.
I'm Sandy Brondelo's twin brother.
- No relation. - Okay.
Darius, your man's tripping.
- What is the deal with Jamel? - Oh, man, Jamel Johnson,
one of the funniest comedians working.
You don't have to watch basketball
to know who's going to win.
Alright, Jamel, you're dealing with a stat nerd.
They put the "anal" in "analytics."
They're nerds. They don't like basketball.
X is dribbles per diameter of the field.
[Jasmine] I don't care about percentages.
Like, on any given night, you can get hot.
Ask any real ball player.
[Jamel] Have you touched a ball? A basketball?
Have you ever touched one with your hands?
Not my hands.
A writer, a thinker...
- Okay. - ...a lover.
Supposed to be asking about J.R.
[Jamel] Can you tell me where you were the night the meme was gone?
What are you asking?
[Jamel] Can you tell me where you were when the meme went missing?
[whispering] I got my theories. There is a secret society
within this secret society.
See those guys over there?
They won't talk to me.
You want to talk about missing things?
You want to talk about missing people? I have a question for you.
- Where's Sasquatch? - [Jamel] Sasquatch?
The Sonics mascot, Sasquatch, disappeared 15 years ago.
What was your name, Randy?
Yeah, Randy. Where's Sasquatch?
One of my fans just tweeted back at me.
Jamel thinks the Girl Scouts are overrated.
- [stammering] - So, it said that...
- [Jamel] I'm going to leave. - Excuse me. Wait, hold up, Randy!
[Jamel] [whispering] For the record, I love the Girl Scouts.
My fault, dawg.
It's getting crazy in here.
I might have got some intel, but honestly, dawg,
people in here are kind of sus.
I put one basketball camera in place,
but before I could place the second ball...
- [gong rings] - ...I was interrupted.
[Josiah] [on radio] Alright, Jamel, just play it cool. Be cool.
[Jamel] I'm being very normal.
What's happening? What's happening, Satchel?
Mr., Mr., Mr. Bolo.
Sit down and make yourself one with the nerds.
- [Jamel] Hey, hey. - [Josiah] Be a squeenie.
[Jamel] How are y'all? How are y'all doing?
Get the basketball cameras in place.
[people chattering]
[Jamel] Centerpiece complete, you know?
[people chattering]
[person shouts]
Huh? Is that the goat? Is that who--
He's a goat, not like a little kid?
[leader] Today's meeting has officially begun.
Now...
who's that guy?
[♪ tense music playing]
Is that Jamel Johnson?
[Jamel] Yes, it is. Thank you, finally.
Yeah, it's me.
Alright, D, he's been compromised. Gotta go in.
[leader] Jamel, you have...
[Jamel] My name is Randy on Uber, guys. Don't trip.
- [leader] ...17 followers... - [people laughing]
[leader] ...with four million tweets.
[member] I trusted you, man.
[Jamel] I never once told you how many followers I had.
I'm sorry, Jamel, but I'm going to have to ask you to leave.
We could either do this the easy way...
or we could do this the Artest way.
[people chattering]
[leader] King Josiah.
[Josiah] Simmer down. Simmer down.
[leader] Or should I say "former king"...
here to challenge me for the throne.
Keep a cool booty, my new boy. I don't want no smoke.
I'm just trying to find J.R. squints.
May I read you today's agenda out loud, please?
- So that you may hear. - [Josiah] If you know how to read, cool.
[leader] Today's agenda is as follows.
Gotta lose one prompt.
Clown steps, new shoes.
Speculate on what team James Harden will go to next.
Cite examples on Mamba mentality.
A quick 10 on the real goat, Austin Reaves.
- [Josiah] That boy is good. - [leader] And finally, the main topic,
and the most important...
resume our investigation
on whom is terrorizing NBA Twitter.
[Jamel] Damn, he said "whom."
That's really good grammar.
[leader] So, uh, with all due respect...
if you don't have any leads that are going to help us
with our investigation, would you mind, uh,
leaving and letting us resume?
'Cause we have a lot to get through.
And my mom's coming to pick me up at 6:00.
[Josiah] Somebody here knows something.
[Jamel] Darius, get tight on the Goat's face right here.
You know, I could ask you the same thing, Josiah.
I mean, weren't you retired a week before the meme went missing?
I mean, off the grid.
Where were you?
[Jamel] This was going south fast.
They were turning on Josiah.
We were in trouble.
And I knew what I had to do.
Time for me to come clean.
[people shouting]
Silence! Silence!
It wasn't Josiah, alright?
[influencer] Why the hell should we listen to you?
- You're a nobody. - Loser.
[Josiah] Yo, yo, hold up, hold up, hold up, man.
I'm not just going to let y'all slander my boy like that.
Jamel is somebody.
He's the most loyal dude I know.
He's the prince of the NBA Twitter,
but most importantly, he's my brother, Brothers Johnson.
- [people chattering] - You said it?
[Josiah] Now what were you going to say?
[sighs]
- It was me, man. - [secret society member] What?
[Jamel] I'm sorry, I did it.
I know, son. I know.
I'm-I'm sorry. It wasn't even...
It wasn't supposed to go down like this.
I knew your last tweet meant a lot to you,
and I took the meme 'cause I wanted you to come back
and because you was talking crazy, dawg, r-retiring.
You trying to win NAACP awards. I just...
You the king of Twitter, man.
That's your throne, dawg.
Now you got a little kid
with a, uh, LL Cool J hat on up there, alright?
I just wanted you to come back,
and then Botto Porter went rogue on me, dawg.
I paid him to take the meme. I haven't even seen it.
It never even came to my emails, bro.
He went rogue. He went left.
He started doing stuff on his own.
I ain't have nothing to do with none of that other stuff, man.
- I'm sorry, Josiah. - [people clamoring]
Silence, silence.
I can't believe you played me like this, Jamel.
You broke my heart, man.
Yo, Darius, cut the camera, dawg. Let's go.
Darius, don't cut, man.
- Don't cut, man. - [people clamoring]
You know we need this, man. You better not cut, man.
Don't do it, man! I swear--
[♪ dramatic music playing]
[Botto Porter Jr.] Now that I have your attention,
I hereby demand that the NBA move the Sacramento Kings
out of Sacramento.
No state needs four teams,
and frankly, they're too good for Sacramento.
Once I know you're serious,
I'll tell you where to send them.
Botto out.
In a disturbing turn of events, a video has surfaced
of a man in a goat mask demanding
that Adam Silver move the Sacramento Kings
outside of Sacramento in exchange for the return
of the J.R. squints meme.
Okay, okay, things in Phoenix went... bad.
Straight up horrible.
Yes, I hired Botto Porter to steal J.R. squints,
but the rest was on him, and he's still out there somewhere.
I was so close to solving this case,
but I couldn't focus.
It had been a rough week since Phoenix.
I, uh... Well, I got memed.
I'm sorry, Josiah.
Oh, I got memed.
I'm sorry, Josiah.
Oh, they memed me so bad, y'all.
I'm sorry, Josiah.
It means something.
It's all in front of me. It's all here.
Josiah.
If we find Botto Porter, I'll be free.
I'm sorry, Josiah.
The memes haunted me.
- [gasps] - [screams]
I'm sorry, Josiah.
[♪ upbeat music playing]
I finally realized there was someone out there
who knew what I was going through.
So, we shot one more interview.
I was hitting the driver pretty good today,
but my short irons was really messing me up.
[groans]
Uh, front nine were terrible. Back nine was pretty good.
[Jamel] So, obviously, you've heard
about your infamous squinting meme going missing.
Meme, what meme? What are you talking about?
[Jamel] I got memed too,
and the internet's making fun of me
and I was wondering if you had any advice
on how to deal with all that.
Is that what this is about?
I thought, I thought I was talking about golf.
[Jamel] J.R., my life is over. Stop talking about golf.
Alright, man, you want to talk about this meme shit,
I got places to be.
Real quick, let's get it over with. Come on.
The reason I chose the J.R. squints meme,
I think when you look at the scope of NBA Twitter,
all the amazing content, the amazing memes,
all the things that have arisen out of this community,
J.R. squints really embodies
what this community is all about, right?
J.R., excellent basketball player, legend,
you know, world champion, very soft-spoken, very intelligent,
and what that meme essentially conveys is that he's not intelligent.
From the outside looking in, you create this narrative
or this perspective of J.R.,
and that-that cou-couldn't be any further from the truth.
Well, I've been to school, I'm a full-time student now,
a full-time dad with four kids,
so, uh, I don't really have time to k-keep up with memes.
Sometimes it's hard because my mentions go crazy,
but I just stay off of it for a couple days.
Every day, it's something different,
whether it be me or somebody else.
People just make you the butt of the joke and run with it.
I like-- It-It was kind of weird
because it was, like, funny at the same time,
but it also was just like, "Damn, like,
I'm the butt of the joke again."
It doesn't even have to be something accurate or true.
Prime example, "Henny God."
I don't drink Hennessy. I'm not a Henny drinker.
So, when people continuously call me that from a meme
when I'm walking around with-with my kids
and somebody yells, "Oh, Henny God,"
it's like, "Daddy, why did they..."
Like, I gotta explain that.
I have to have that conversation now
because of some dumb shit somebody else did.
I don't like that.
[Josiah] You know, I'm-I'm just as guilty as everybody else.
I used to use that meme all the time.
And then you start to really realize how these memes
kind of will follow people into their real world
and their real lives
and a stigma that gets created around it.
Alright, man, tee time in 15 minutes.
I didn't do this shit. I hope you find out who did.
But I see y'all later.
[Jamel] Talking with J.R. helped clear my head.
I was finally able to focus.
I was starting to think J.R. Squints was better off lost.
And it was time for me to hang all this up
and start refereeing little league games.
But just then, just like that,
hit me like Kermit Washington.
I knew who Botto Porter was.
The answer was in the film all along.
So, I invited Josiah over
- to watch a cut... - [knocking on door]
...to see if the Brothers Johnson could ride one last time.
Hey, come on in, man.
Good to see you brother, man. It's been a few minutes.
Thank you for stopping by. It really means a lot.
Look, bro, only reason I'm here is 'cause you say you know who did it.
- Think I do. - I'm telling you right now.
It better be O.J.
- O.J.? - Mayo.
Okay, I mean, that's possible. He does have dual citizenship.
Look, thanks for coming again. I'm excited to show you this.
I think all the answers you're looking for are inside of this.
Check this out, yeah.
[♪ upbeat music playing on video]
I'm going to be announcing my retirement from NBA Twitter.
[Jamel] [in video] I just hired a hacker named Botto Porter Jr.
He's going to take the J.R. squints meme.
This is going to make Josiah so upset,
he's going to have no choice but to go find it with me.
We'll meet members of the NBA Twitter community.
He'll see how much he's loved and missed,
have no choice but to come back.
The plan is flawless. Let's begin.
[Josiah] Hold on, man. Why is this camera so shaky?
I-- Look, I asked Darius to shoot in a little grittier way.
This is documentary. We're documentarians.
[Josiah] Wait, is this you breaking into my house?
I wouldn't call it breaking in.
I would call it beginning a movie.
Yo, he said yes. I cannot believe this dude said yes.
We are making this movie.
Okay, we got a suspect now.
It's Mero. He's coming over here soon.
Josiah just left to get charcuterie.
Seems like he's really into this, man.
- We've been bonding. - [knocking on door]
Oh, whoa, one-one second.
Working with Josiah Johnson, I'll-I'll be honest,
when I tapped him for this project,
I, I saw a childlike innocence that I needed to bring
onto screen.
A lot of times, I would be off camera rattling keys.
This upset him greatly,
but it brought out some fantastic work.
Some of our finest scenes ended with him
wanting to hit me in the face like Draymond Green.
Okay, I'll change it. I know. I know.
I'll change-- I can feel you looking at me.
I, I got you.
You know, I don't think people realize how hard it is
to carry a secret around with you, the burden.
To stand next to your brother...
and lie directly to their face
for days and weeks on end.
It's rough, it's hurtful...
it's costly.
Good night, brother.
- [claps hands] - Okay. Alright.
We're here in Dukes, the middle of nowhere.
Things are going not great.
I would say out of hand.
Uh, Botto Porter took 10 more memes. We got a flat tire.
I don't know what's going to happen next.
- [Josiah claps hands] - Huh?
- [Josiah] Jamel, what are you doing? - [Jamel] Huh?
[Josiah] Why are you talking to yourself?
[Jamel] I was, I was-- I sleep talk.
[Jamel] [sighs] This is going to end bad,
worse than I imagined.
I'm officially the villain.
I might get locked up for this.
They might throw me in the Hague, dawg, but it's fine.
If I gotta be the villain, that's fine.
I love villains. Scar.
I'm going to tell him soon, I swear.
- [on video] We are in... - [Josiah] [on video] We are in Phoenix.
Little warm in here. You know what? Actually...
I've been in here for, like, a day straight. I'm pretty hungry.
I'm going to go get some food. You want something?
- Nah, I'm good. - You sure?
I'm going to go get some food. I'm going to go to the bathroom.
Then I'm going to go come back,
but then I might go to the bathroom again before that.
[stammers] You just-- Okay, I got it.
Alright. Go ahead and watch.
I'm sorry, Josiah.
I do feel an amount of shame
for some of the actions that I took to make this project.
When I hired Botto Porter to take the meme,
my goal was just to have Josiah return to his rightful place,
to keep the internet ecosystem moving properly.
And when Botto went rogue, I-I felt I had to-to keep my secret,
and it had to be done for the greater good.
Well, I did it for you.
NBA Twitter without Josiah Johnson is
a beast with no nation.
And now, there's a madman out there
trying to move the Kings to who knows where.
They just got the beam.
I thought this would work.
I'm sorry.
Alright. I think that's a cut.
Yeah, we're going to cut.
Look, I know rule one was no lactose.
I made 'em take the cheese off if you want some.
It's actually just a pile of sauce in this box.
So, I checked it out,
and I'm going to be real with you.
I still don't like that you did it,
but I get why you did it and I respect it.
- Damn, you mean that? - You finally get that dap you wanted.
Hey, man, that means a lot, dawg.
I really appreciate you coming with me on this.
I know, I-I-I [bleep] up, but we, uh, we here now.
Uh, y-y-you figure out who did it yet?
Think I did.
Really, Jamel, it all comes down to motive, right?
For Botto Porter, it was never about the J.R. squints
or any meme for that matter.
It was about one thing. The Kings.
Mm. Sinister.
So, now the real question is move the Kings to where?
And I know a place that needs a team.
[Jamel] Mm.
Yo, Darius, watch this. I'm about to do my hood voice.
Somebody finna get exposed.
[Josiah] Open up the door, hammy!
Yeah, yeah, get more brolic.
I'm going to do the white one now.
[knuckles rapping]
- Newsflash, bucko. Open up. - Hiii.
Sasquatch.
[Sasquatch] Good day, gentlemen. May I...
[Jamel] Reggie the Raptor was right. Are you serious?
[Josiah] Look, bro, we know you Botto Porter Jr.
- [Jamel] Huh. - [Josiah] Don't play around.
- [Jamel] Yeah. - Uh, no, I'm not familiar with that name.
[Jamel] Oh, you're not familiar?
- Expose this fool. - Oh, he's not familiar?
- Expose this fool. - Oh, you don't know?
[both shouting]
Scooby-Doo style!
- Earl? - Yeah, yeah.
Yes, I'm sorry.
I mean, let me explain.
Dawg, we danced together. Is he, is he serious right now?
- We danced. We greeted. We greeted. - Is this real?
First of all, can I have my mask back?
- Yes, take it. - Thank you.
I'll explain everything. Look, look, look, look, look, look.
I'll explain everything. Let's just take a step.
We gon' take a step
to make sure you ain't got no weapons, bro.
- We know how you get down. - [Jamel] That was real wise.
I'm a pacifist. But, look, I can explain everything.
The people of Dukes, we figured, you know,
hey, you guys were touched and charmed by the people
of-of-of the Dukes, of Dukes.
The Kings will come and they will see the Dukes
and decide to be our team,
and then, we'll be called the Sasquatches.
Y'all got 17 people.
I asked you to take one meme.
You try to take a team?
Yeah, well, you told me to do it.
[Jamel] No, I didn't. I told you to take one.
No, no, not you.
You. You told me to do it.
[both stammering]
- Darius? - [Earl Moore] Darius did it.
Tell 'em, Darius. Tell 'em the truth.
[Jamel] So, here's what happened.
Darius, in his infinite wisdom,
saw that one meme going missing wasn't enough
to make a masterpiece worthy of Josiah.
So, Darius reached out to Botto, Earl,
and told him to take it further.
Steal more memes, go wild.
In the chaos, Darius would get his film
and Earl would get his team.
He even told Earl our route
so he could scatter nails in the road.
Darius faked the MSG logo to point us towards Mero
who was also in on it.
Darius was the one who found the bar,
who leaked the clip.
Darius did it all.
Man, give me that damn camera.
[Earl] Whoa, whoa, whoa, careful, careful. Careful with Darius.
That is not a rental. Hey, hey!
Yo, dawg, what you grabbing me for?
- Let me go. - Hey, get up off me, man.
- Let me go. - Dawg, this was you the whole time?
Of course, it's me.
Bro, you let us run around for weeks?
- You didn't say a word, man? - I didn't let us.
I let you run around for weeks.
I've been behind the scenes working on this thing for months
'cause you've been messing up the whole time.
Okay, okay, all this name-calling is not necessary.
- I think we should all be friends. - Hey, Earl, go in the house.
Darius, bro, you played me.
[Josiah] And I'm directing now. Angrier, angrier.
Guys, guys, guys, is everything okay out here?
I know you're still yelling.
Yo, get in there.
[Josiah] Earl, Earl, this is a Black thing.
[Earl] Okay, I'll be inside.
- Earl, we're being Black right now, Earl. - Earl, Earl, I got this.
You bought him the KD throwbacks?
- Of course, I did. - With the mismatched shorts
with the home jersey and the away shorts.
- Of course. - You did that for him?
How come we didn't do them, uh, matching Halloween costumes, man?
We were supposed to be twins.
You wanted me to be Danny talking about you wanted to be Arnold.
- He's gotta be Arnold, Jamel. - [Jamel] Earl!
- Whoa! - If you don't get out of my face,
you are going to be a sophomore
in Montrose Christian when I'm done with you.
- Don't know what that means. - Get in the house!
- Okay, I believe you. - It's a very good reference, Earl!
[Josiah] Hey, man, hey, hold up, man.
Jamel, take this camera. I got something I gotta get off my chest.
[Jamel] Hold on, dawg.
Be care-- Whoa, whoa, be careful with my camera.
Hold up. I'm in frame?
[Jamel] To the right.
- We should be slating this. - [Jamel] Other right.
- You see what I'm saying? - [Jamel] Okay, go.
- You're better than that. - I am better than that, D.
- Hey, why y'all disrespect me like that? - Yeah, I don't know about him,
- but we going to put him-- - [Jamel] Action.
So, I guess all I could say is, uh, thank you.
Just watch, we'll be at the Oscars.
We'll be, uh, we'll be everywhere. Just watch.
As long as we leave, you know, at home.
Can I do my knuckle up thing for you?
- You know it. - I've been practicing.
[Jamel] What y'all mean y'all about to leave me at home?
Yo, take this camera from me, dawg.
Thank you. I've been in the gym with mine.
Hey, bro, for real, you ain't going to let me come
- to the Oscars with y'all, man? - Of course, you coming.
You just been slacking lately...
- [Josiah] You have been slacking, Jamel... - I know my haircut fucked up right now,
but I thought I was... Come on, man.
[Josiah] Jamel, you wasted the [bleep] on your haircut.
[bleep].
We supposed to be a PG-13 documentary.
One F word. Ah, man.
[Josiah] We only get one [bleep], Jamel,
and you already wasted that [bleep] saying [bleep].
See?
Okay, I see the points that you guys are making.
[Josiah] Now we gotta bleep these other [bleep]
'cause you wasted the good one.
I'm-- Everybody, I'm sorry. I'll do the editing.
[bleep], Jamel.
[Josiah] You got Darius Miles out here saying, "[bleep], Jamel."
I-I'm really sorry about that.
I didn't want it to end like this.
I thought the movie was going to end differently.
Yo, I'm going to be real.
I'm still mad at y'all, but we need to get the shot.
Nah, that's real.
Darius, thanks for finishing this, man.
[Darius Miles] Of course.
Reconsider taking me to the Oscars, that's what I'll say.
Hey, but look, I was thinking about what's next.
I got another movie idea. Check this out.
Zero Bars.
We follow Gilbert Arenas through a career in battle rap.
You going to need a bulletproof vest for that.
That ain't no problem.
You know how Gil get down.
Well, what are you going to do, man? You retired.
- What's next? - I don't know, man, I don't know.
But I've been thinking about that.
I'm taking my Black ass back to NBA Twitter.
Ohhh!
We back. He's back, he's back, he's back.
Oh, and the green clean green!
[♪ upbeat music playing]
With Josiah back and the memes restored,
NBA Twitter returned to normal, for better or worse.
But we had to make sure
nothing like this could ever happen again,
so we gathered the best of NBA Twitter
and put it all in a time capsule where nobody could hurt it
or put ads on it and set off to put it
where no hacker or billionaire could ever find it.
[Josiah] You know, I'm going to be honest, Jamel,
when we first set off on this adventure,
I thought we were going to fail completely.
Not me per se, but you and Darius.
[Jamel] Yeah, that's true.
[Josiah] And even though you broke my heart,
betrayed my trust...
- lied to me in my face... - Yeah.
- ...sent me on a wild goose chase... - Mm.
...knowing you were said goose we were chasing...
Mm-hm.
...you alright with me, my man.
[Jamel] It means a lot to hear that, man.
- [Josiah] I would help you dig, but... - No, no, it's cool.
[Josiah] ...I still got some back issues from that drive to Phoenix.
We love you, NBA Twitter.
[capsule clangs]
[Jamel vocalizing]
We tweet about basketball, the game we love,
from CP3 all the way to the glove.
[Jamel vocalizing]
We embrace casuals and die-hard fans...
and even the occasional Steph Curry stan.
[Jamel vocalizing]
We love you, NBA Twitter, you are the best,
but now we must lay this time capsule to rest.
♪ End of song ♪
[exhales] Let's do it.
[Jamel] You're welcome, America.
You're welcome...
[♪ "Throw Me the Ball" by Up With People playing]
[Jamel] ...and thanks for watching.
♪ Hey, give me your cheers, fellas ♪
♪ Come on now ♪
♪ Looking back on the days ♪
♪ That the big boys used to put me down ♪
♪ Reminds me of the time I became the talk ♪
♪ Of the whole playground ♪
♪ I was a whiz at basketball, but no one ever knew ♪
♪ So one day, I took my notebook ♪
♪ To show them all what I could do ♪
♪ Saying, hey, y'all, throw me the ball ♪
[Josiah claps hands]
Hey, you ever ate one of Russell Wilson's sandwiches from Subway?
[Jamel claps hands]
To be clear, you're talking about the Dangerwich?
[Josiah] That is the sandwich.
Was it the, uh, Nike Hoops Jamboree and Sleepover?
[Josiah and crew laughs]
We got a question here from Cabron James from Na Murant.
Dawg, there's no way Patrick Beverley got traded for Kevin Durant.
Yeah, he has been tweeting a lot.
- [Josiah] No AC in the street van. - Let's go.
It's a little warm in the van.
My character is informed.
- I'm tired of this country-ass town. - What the fuck?
And that's why Rodman played with nipple clamps on.
I once ordered a Detlef Schrempf at a restaurant.
I did not expect Gerald Wilkins
and Obama to show up, but they did.
[Josiah claps hands]
Hey, bro, you afraid of the dark?
Yeah.
Alright, bro. Hey, we good, man. I used to be in the Boy Scouts.
First rule of Boy Scouts,
don't hate it if you ain't taste it.
- [Jamel claps hands] - Okay, it's not so much the dark,
but just, like, darkness, you understand?
- You feel the difference? - That's real.
Are you a Yung Hood debutante or am I that?
This film is about emotion, regret, sorrow...
horniness.
- [crew laughing] - [engine cranking]
You cool?
You want a bigger couch?
[Jamel] Sorry, I touched something.
What's up, Darius?
I'm looking forward to this season. It's going to be a great season.
I know you over there talking about me, man.
Man, come on.
Get up in here.
Pardon me. I just want to get back on your team.
I got your next movie.
Knuckleheads: The Movie.
You see it?
Thank you.
[Jamel] What's your top five cheeses?
Number one cheese, halloumi.
- Highly underrated. - Yeah. I love--
You know about halloumi?
[Jamel] Of course, I know halloumi. I thought you knew me.
This is jurst the beginning.
- No. - [Josiah] [laughing] Jurst.
Where is the meme?
- [Mero laughs] - [Jamel] I'm sorry.
Please don't hit me.
I ain't going to get caught up in your game.
I ain't the ops. I ain't a fed.
Rule 45, we gotta tell each other
our deepest, darkest secrets.
- I don't even like basketball. - What?
Josiah, you don't want these problems.
Shit.
I thought, I thought it was part of the shoot.
Where's Jamel?
[people applauding]
♪ Hey, yo, throw me the ball ♪
[car engine rumbling]
We back in business.
[gear clicks]
Yo, Darius, let's go.
[speaker] Good news, dawg. Starry gave us money to make the film.