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Downloaded from
YTS.MX

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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX

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[male announcer] Ladies and gentlemen,
live from Gila Resorts and Casinos

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at Wild Horse Pass,

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put your hands together for Mike Epps!

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[crowd cheers]

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[cheering continues]

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[crowd applauds]

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[cheering continues]

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What's up, Phoenix?

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[crowd roars]

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Yeah.

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That's what I'm talking about.
Phoenix, Arizona.

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[crowd cheers, whistles]

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Phoenix, the home
of the Witness Protection Program.

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[crowd laughs]

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See all these guys
walking around the grocery store

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with wigs and glasses on.

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[crowd laughs]

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"Where are you originally from?"

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[crowd cackles]

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[chuckling]

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You tell anybody you're moving to Phoenix,
you're like, "Oh shit, red flag."

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[crowd roars]

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[laughs]

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Yeah, man. We in Phoenix, Arizona, man.
Home of the…

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-[crowd cheers]
-Yeah.

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[cheers continue]

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Yeah, home of the Mexicans.

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[crowd cheers, applauds]

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'Cause that's really what this is,

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a part of Mexico right here,
you know what I mean?

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-[cheers continue]
-And the Mexicans are taking over.

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I'm telling you,
they're taking over right now.

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I went to a Jamaican restaurant
the other day.

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Something told me, "Look in the back."

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[crowd laughs]

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I said, "Oh, hell no."

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It was two Mexicans back there
making the Jamaican food.

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[crowd laughs]

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I said, "Pow, pow, pow!"

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[laughter continues]

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[Jamaican accent] Lick shot
of a Mexican making Jamaican food.

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[crowd cackles, howls]

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People back there talking about…
♪ One love ♪

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[crowd roars]

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♪ Let's stay together and be as one ♪

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[crowd laughs, murmurs]

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I had a jerk burrito that night, man.
I went on…

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[crowd laughs]

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I went on and supported them,
you know what I mean?

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[woman cheers]

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[crowd titters]

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Yeah, artificial intelligence is coming.

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[crowd murmurs]

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But that's who they're not
going to be able to replace, a Mexican.

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[crowd laughs]

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You looking for the robot.

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[Mexican accent]
"He's not here right now, papi, we, uh…"

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[crowd laughs]

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"We got him in the back, back there.
We put hydraulics on him right now."

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[crowd laughs]

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"He's not talking right now.
I ain't doing the work again."

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[laughter continues]

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[chuckles]

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Where the big girls at?
I know they in here.

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-[women cheer]
-[crowd whistles]

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Yeah, shit, 'cause that's one thing
about the big girls, man.

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Some guys, they like a woman…

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I got a friend, man,

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all his women, he want them,
they gotta be at least 260.

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[crowd laughs]

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"I mean, you got to be two-something
if you want me to do something."

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[crowd roars]

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[Mike chuckles]

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[crowd cackles]

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"Don't worry about it if you're ugly.
As long as you're clean, I'll fuck you."

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[crowd laughs]

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Skinny girls' underarms stink.
I don't know what it is.

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[crowd howls]

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Your pH B is off.

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[crowd laughs]

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Smell like a little cute onion.

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[crowd cackles]

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[crowd titters]

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And, men, we don't wipe our ass well.
We need to wipe better.

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[crowd laughs]

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You walk around here, your ass is itching…

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[crowd laughs]

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…half-wiped, you smell cologne
and doo-doo at the restaurant.

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You're looking under your shoe…

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No, he didn't wipe his ass well.

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[crowd laughs]

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[man howls]

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How many times you done wiped your ass
and didn't see nothing,

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was like, "Oh, ain't nothing there."

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[crowd laughs]

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Yes, it is, sir.

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[crowd roars]

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[crowd titters]

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And it's going to remind you later on…

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[crowd laughs]

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…with an itch and a stain. Oh Lord!

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[crowd laughs]

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You're in the bathroom at the gas station
just rubbing your ass for 30 minutes.

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[crowd laughs]

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Toilet paper shreds everywhere. Oh God.

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[crowd laughs]

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[crowd murmurs]

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A lot of beautiful ladies in here.

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Ladies, never let a man
fuck you with his shoes on.

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[crowd laughs]

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That means his feet stink.

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You done let
a… funky-foot fucker fuck you.

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[crowd roars]

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And, fellas, if you ever meet a woman
that got a mustache,

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don't be afraid.

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[crowd laughs]

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That coochie is wet.

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[crowd roars]

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[crowd howls]

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[laughs]

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[crowd murmurs]

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Old Donald Trump got out of jail.

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[crowd titters]

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Faster than I ever seen somebody get out.

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Have you ever got out of jail
that fucking fast?

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Oh, hell no, man.

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He walked right in,
took a picture and said… [grunts]

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…and walked out.

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What kind of shit is that?

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Got back on the jet and flew out.

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[crowd laughs]

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[Mike chuckles]

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And I think
that little hairpiece on his head

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got a button that snaps
right there in the front.

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[crowd laughs]

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There's a button up there,
like a hat, that snaps.

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[crowd laughs]

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That's why the wind can hit it
and it don't go nowhere, it just do that.

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[crowd laughs]

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[crowd titters]

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And some of you ladies laughing,
y'all got that same wig on right now.

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[crowd roars]

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Yeah, let's run it. Let's run it.

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Might as well put a Mitchell & Ness sign
on the inside of that.

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[crowd laughs]

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'Cause y'all putting these wigs on
like baseball caps.

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[crowd laughs]

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And then try to take the makeup
and powder down the electrical tape.

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[crowd cackles]

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That's electrical tape
right there that's holding it.

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[crowd laughs]

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You be at the restaurant with a girl,
see a piece of tape, "Hey, baby--"

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"Don't do that.
Don't touch. Don't do that."

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[crowd laughs]

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"Don't fucking do that."

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[crowd titters]

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[Mike laughs]

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[crowd titters]

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Yeah, I'm telling you, man.
Shit. I tried to go to the military.

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I ain't going to lie.
Any military people in here?

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Attention!

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[coughs, laughs]

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[crowd laughs]

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Let somebody yell in your
motherfucking face like that.

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"Man, get the fuck out of my face."

168
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[crowd laughs]

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[speaking gibberish]

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I'm like,
"Nigga, I'm out of here, I quit."

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"I don't want to do this.
Get the fuck out of my face."

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[crowd laughs]

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I tried to go to the military, man.
I took the test and flunked.

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[crowd laughs]

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They call it a ASVAB.

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[crowd titters]

177
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Man, that recruiter picked me up
and took me out to dinner.

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I went to Ponderosa,
had that big potato with that steak.

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[crowd howls, laughs]

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What?

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Man, I took the test
and flunked the test, man.

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[crowd titters]

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I couldn't get his ass back on that phone.
I knew something wasn't right.

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[crowd laughs]

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00:07:40,835 --> 00:07:44,839
But I'd already lied and told everybody
I was going to the military. Like, "Look."

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"I got the brochures."
I had some brochures.

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[crowd laughs]

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"I leave, I think, next Wednesday?"

189
00:07:51,220 --> 00:07:52,805
[crowd roars]

190
00:07:52,889 --> 00:07:56,684
[crowd laughs, chuckles]

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Man, that recruiter called me
and told me I wasn't going.

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[crowd cackles]

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My other two friends, they went.
I was sad as hell.

194
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They was like,
"Mike, man. We love you, bro."

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[crowd titters]

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I said, "Damn, man." I was sad.

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I told everybody I was leaving.
I said, "I gotta get out of here."

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"I got to do something."

199
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So I went to prison. I said I'm gonna…

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[crowd roars]

201
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I'm gonna disappear
for a couple years and come back.

202
00:08:25,254 --> 00:08:28,883
[crowd laughs]

203
00:08:28,966 --> 00:08:30,843
[crowd titters]

204
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'Cause guys who go to prison,
they're not fair to young guys.

205
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'Cause they make the young kids
want to go see what's in there.

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'Cause they be bragging on it.
It sounds so good.

207
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They'll be like, "Yeah, and then I did
two years up there in Sing Sing."

208
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"You know what I mean? Then I did
another five, know what I mean?"

209
00:08:47,860 --> 00:08:50,488
"That's when I went
and got swoled up, up there."

210
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[crowd cackles]

211
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The kids are like, "I wanna go."

212
00:08:53,491 --> 00:08:55,243
[crowd laughs]

213
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Yeah, you're not telling these young guys,
"You might get fucked in there."

214
00:09:01,624 --> 00:09:04,377
[crowd laughs]

215
00:09:06,629 --> 00:09:08,089
[crowd titters]

216
00:09:09,131 --> 00:09:12,426
And on the street, you know, in the hood,
they call them ops, you know?

217
00:09:12,510 --> 00:09:14,929
That's your ops.
I'm like, "What the fuck is that?"

218
00:09:15,680 --> 00:09:17,306
Yeah. Your opposition.

219
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I'm like, "Okay. I don't know.
Yeah, OG, that's an op right there."

220
00:09:21,435 --> 00:09:24,647
"Yeah, there go my op, watch out."
I'm like, "What's an op?"

221
00:09:24,730 --> 00:09:26,857
"Is that a cop without the C on it?"

222
00:09:26,941 --> 00:09:29,026
[crowd laughs]

223
00:09:29,527 --> 00:09:31,654
They got little dudes,
they call them hitters.

224
00:09:31,737 --> 00:09:34,490
These are the little dudes
that are shooting motherfuckers.

225
00:09:35,116 --> 00:09:37,368
Shooters. There goes the little shooter.

226
00:09:37,451 --> 00:09:40,329
They be describing this motherfucking dude
shooting everybody.

227
00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:42,039
He'd be the size of that pole.

228
00:09:42,123 --> 00:09:43,374
[crowd laughs]

229
00:09:43,457 --> 00:09:45,459
I'd be like, "That is the shooter?"

230
00:09:45,543 --> 00:09:46,586
[crowd titters]

231
00:09:46,669 --> 00:09:47,920
"He's a little bitch."

232
00:09:48,004 --> 00:09:49,171
[crowd laughs]

233
00:09:49,255 --> 00:09:52,049
He built like Pink Panther. Pants tight…

234
00:09:52,133 --> 00:09:53,342
[crowd roars]

235
00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:59,807
[hums "The Pink Panther Theme"]

236
00:10:00,391 --> 00:10:02,310
Gun hanging out of his ass.

237
00:10:02,393 --> 00:10:04,145
[crowd cackles]

238
00:10:05,855 --> 00:10:08,399
Then they go to prison
and can't defend they self.

239
00:10:08,482 --> 00:10:09,442
[man] That's right!

240
00:10:09,525 --> 00:10:13,529
But some big convict that been lifting
weights been in there his whole life,

241
00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:16,032
he's going to overpower you,
little shooter.

242
00:10:16,115 --> 00:10:18,034
[crowd titters]

243
00:10:19,243 --> 00:10:22,622
He gonna get you in the weight room
and work you out real tough.

244
00:10:22,705 --> 00:10:23,789
[man howls]

245
00:10:23,873 --> 00:10:25,166
Get you real tired.

246
00:10:25,249 --> 00:10:26,542
[crowd titters]

247
00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:28,169
Next morning, he going to come in,

248
00:10:28,252 --> 00:10:30,755
you going to try to fight him off
and can't fight back.

249
00:10:30,838 --> 00:10:31,797
[crowd laughs]

250
00:10:31,881 --> 00:10:34,717
He going to say,
"Turn on around, little shooter."

251
00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:35,801
[crowd laughs]

252
00:10:35,885 --> 00:10:37,845
Put that magazine on your back.

253
00:10:37,928 --> 00:10:40,056
[crowd laughs]

254
00:10:41,557 --> 00:10:46,270
[crowd howls, groans]

255
00:10:46,354 --> 00:10:48,606
Spank your little buns, nigga.

256
00:10:48,689 --> 00:10:49,732
[crowd laughs]

257
00:10:49,815 --> 00:10:52,068
[Mike chuckles]

258
00:10:54,070 --> 00:10:57,615
I've been acting like
I don't like white people for 40 years.

259
00:10:57,698 --> 00:10:59,200
[crowd laughs]

260
00:11:00,034 --> 00:11:01,786
I only do it in front of Black people.

261
00:11:01,869 --> 00:11:04,914
[crowd laughs]

262
00:11:05,623 --> 00:11:08,626
When Black people ain't around,
I am white.

263
00:11:08,709 --> 00:11:10,711
[crowd roars]

264
00:11:12,630 --> 00:11:15,883
You can call me a fake-ass nigga
or whatever you want to call me.

265
00:11:15,966 --> 00:11:19,220
But I'm telling you what I'm doing
when y'all ain't around here.

266
00:11:19,303 --> 00:11:20,179
[crowd laughs]

267
00:11:20,262 --> 00:11:24,016
Black people
put pressure on you to be racist.

268
00:11:24,100 --> 00:11:26,602
[crowd cackles]

269
00:11:31,607 --> 00:11:34,276
I wasn't even racist all this time.

270
00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:35,695
[crowd laughs]

271
00:11:37,071 --> 00:11:38,864
There was Black people saying,

272
00:11:39,740 --> 00:11:41,158
"You all right?"

273
00:11:41,242 --> 00:11:42,493
I'm like, "Yeah."

274
00:11:42,576 --> 00:11:45,996
[crowd cackles]

275
00:11:47,081 --> 00:11:48,332
Shit.

276
00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:53,671
Black people need two voices
in this fucking world.

277
00:11:54,839 --> 00:11:56,549
Yeah, you need two voices.

278
00:11:57,216 --> 00:12:01,429
Yeah, how the fuck you think you're gonna
navigate around here with that one little,

279
00:12:01,512 --> 00:12:04,140
"What up, dawg? What's happening, player?"

280
00:12:04,223 --> 00:12:06,350
That motherfucker
ain't gonna get you nowhere.

281
00:12:06,434 --> 00:12:07,727
[crowd laughs]

282
00:12:09,061 --> 00:12:12,231
So you got to have a white voice.
White people don't need two voices.

283
00:12:12,314 --> 00:12:14,650
They don't need a Black voice for shit.

284
00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:17,069
[crowd laughs]

285
00:12:17,862 --> 00:12:21,031
I don't see where it benefits them
no-fucking-where

286
00:12:21,532 --> 00:12:23,409
to be acting like us.

287
00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:26,787
Leave it alone, white people,
just let it go.

288
00:12:26,871 --> 00:12:28,038
[crowd titters]

289
00:12:28,539 --> 00:12:30,791
Black people,
we need a motherfucking white voice.

290
00:12:30,875 --> 00:12:33,335
Yeah. Your mama had two voices.

291
00:12:33,419 --> 00:12:34,545
[man] That's right.

292
00:12:34,628 --> 00:12:36,672
Your mama on the phone
with the light company,

293
00:12:36,756 --> 00:12:40,760
-"Yes. I'm wanna call about a $63 bill…"
-[crowd laughs]

294
00:12:40,843 --> 00:12:44,096
"…that was spent, I think…
Hold for one second, ma'am."

295
00:12:44,180 --> 00:12:46,432
"Get the fuck off that door!"

296
00:12:46,515 --> 00:12:47,558
[crowd laughs]

297
00:12:47,641 --> 00:12:50,144
You'd be like,
"Damn, that was two people."

298
00:12:50,227 --> 00:12:53,063
[crowd laughs]

299
00:12:54,231 --> 00:12:56,692
[crowd titters]

300
00:12:59,820 --> 00:13:02,823
Because, see, I trust white people
in some areas, you know.

301
00:13:02,907 --> 00:13:04,325
[crowd murmurs]

302
00:13:04,408 --> 00:13:06,994
Yeah. Some areas that
I can trust white people in.

303
00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:10,206
I don't trust white people with God. No.

304
00:13:10,289 --> 00:13:11,373
[crowd titters]

305
00:13:11,457 --> 00:13:14,126
I won't let them
tell me nothing about God.

306
00:13:14,210 --> 00:13:16,378
[crowd cackles]

307
00:13:16,462 --> 00:13:20,049
[laughs] It ain't right. It just seem like
they don't know him. It's like they…

308
00:13:20,132 --> 00:13:21,008
[crowd laughs]

309
00:13:21,091 --> 00:13:23,344
They be telling, you be like,
"You don't know him."

310
00:13:23,427 --> 00:13:24,678
"Just stop, all right?"

311
00:13:25,179 --> 00:13:28,140
"See, the Lord understands you, Michael."

312
00:13:28,682 --> 00:13:32,102
I'm like, "No, that ain't… You don't know
who you're talking about."

313
00:13:32,186 --> 00:13:34,480
[crowd laughs]

314
00:13:35,356 --> 00:13:37,483
Black people know God, man.

315
00:13:37,566 --> 00:13:38,859
[audience members clap]

316
00:13:38,943 --> 00:13:40,528
We've been through so much.

317
00:13:40,611 --> 00:13:43,864
We know God and we always
begging him for something.

318
00:13:43,948 --> 00:13:45,449
-So, you know…
-[crowd roars]

319
00:13:45,533 --> 00:13:48,911
…we did force the relationship
on this, man.

320
00:13:48,994 --> 00:13:49,995
[crowd laughs]

321
00:13:50,079 --> 00:13:51,205
[chuckles]

322
00:13:52,498 --> 00:13:55,084
Your grandmama been bugging him since

323
00:13:55,751 --> 00:13:57,169
1802.

324
00:13:57,253 --> 00:13:58,087
[crowd laughs]

325
00:13:58,170 --> 00:14:00,965
She done prayed to him 400 times a day.

326
00:14:01,048 --> 00:14:02,174
[crowd titters]

327
00:14:02,258 --> 00:14:05,135
You know God got a prayer line
and when he see the Black people,

328
00:14:05,219 --> 00:14:09,306
he's like, "Oh Lord. Here we go.
Let me see what he gonna want now."

329
00:14:09,390 --> 00:14:10,975
[crowd laughs]

330
00:14:12,601 --> 00:14:14,770
[crowd titters]

331
00:14:15,688 --> 00:14:17,773
'Cause God don't never get a day off.

332
00:14:18,315 --> 00:14:21,360
When does God get to take a day off
and don't answer no prayers,

333
00:14:21,443 --> 00:14:24,446
ain't got to watch over nobody,
ain't got to judge nothing

334
00:14:24,530 --> 00:14:27,199
and go lay on one of them
nice beaches he made?

335
00:14:27,283 --> 00:14:28,826
[crowd laughs]

336
00:14:28,909 --> 00:14:30,494
With a bad bitch he made.

337
00:14:30,578 --> 00:14:34,290
[crowd roars, applauds]

338
00:14:34,373 --> 00:14:36,041
[crowd cackles]

339
00:14:36,125 --> 00:14:38,460
I'm sorry, God,
I didn't mean it with that last one.

340
00:14:38,544 --> 00:14:39,545
Whoo…

341
00:14:39,628 --> 00:14:41,046
[crowd howls]

342
00:14:41,130 --> 00:14:43,591
I fuck around, get home,
license suspended.

343
00:14:43,674 --> 00:14:44,884
[crowd laughs]

344
00:14:44,967 --> 00:14:46,385
Oh, sir.

345
00:14:46,468 --> 00:14:48,846
[crowd titters]

346
00:14:48,929 --> 00:14:51,265
No, for real,
what if you call God to pray on him

347
00:14:51,348 --> 00:14:53,309
and his brother answered the phone?

348
00:14:53,392 --> 00:14:54,518
[crowd laughs]

349
00:14:54,602 --> 00:14:56,896
"God ain't in,
it's his brother, what's happening?"

350
00:14:56,979 --> 00:14:58,147
[crowd laughs]

351
00:14:58,230 --> 00:15:02,318
"Well, he ain't in right now.
I'm doing all his answering and stuff."

352
00:15:02,401 --> 00:15:06,030
"He told me to tell y'all
he ain't doing nothing but medical stuff."

353
00:15:06,113 --> 00:15:07,865
[crowd laughs]

354
00:15:07,948 --> 00:15:10,284
"Don't call here
trying to get no rims out the shop

355
00:15:10,367 --> 00:15:12,620
or none of that shit,
because it ain't happening."

356
00:15:12,703 --> 00:15:16,790
[crowd titters]

357
00:15:16,874 --> 00:15:19,793
Anything you doing illegal, keep doing it.

358
00:15:20,794 --> 00:15:23,505
If you doing anything illegal
for money, keep doing it.

359
00:15:23,589 --> 00:15:25,049
[crowd cheers, claps]

360
00:15:25,132 --> 00:15:26,884
This country is illegal.

361
00:15:26,967 --> 00:15:27,801
[man] Yeah!

362
00:15:27,885 --> 00:15:30,262
You're here, over here, illegally.

363
00:15:30,346 --> 00:15:31,722
[crowd murmurs]

364
00:15:31,805 --> 00:15:34,558
They stole you from somewhere
and brought you over here.

365
00:15:34,642 --> 00:15:36,143
[crowd laughs]

366
00:15:36,226 --> 00:15:37,853
You ain't supposed to be over here.

367
00:15:37,937 --> 00:15:39,438
[crowd titters]

368
00:15:39,521 --> 00:15:41,732
Yeah, fuck that, get your money, man.

369
00:15:41,815 --> 00:15:43,233
[crowd cackles]

370
00:15:43,317 --> 00:15:46,320
This whole country is built…
Criminals built it.

371
00:15:46,403 --> 00:15:47,863
[crowd murmurs]

372
00:15:47,947 --> 00:15:49,281
Built on crime.

373
00:15:49,990 --> 00:15:53,243
They make you walk around and feel sad
if you get caught doing anything.

374
00:15:53,327 --> 00:15:55,162
It's like, "Get the fuck out of here."

375
00:15:55,245 --> 00:15:56,372
[crowd laughs]

376
00:15:56,455 --> 00:15:57,373
[man] Yeah!

377
00:15:58,540 --> 00:16:00,250
"Me and you are wrong."

378
00:16:00,334 --> 00:16:01,418
[crowd laughs]

379
00:16:01,502 --> 00:16:02,920
"I just got caught."

380
00:16:03,003 --> 00:16:04,838
[crowd laughs]

381
00:16:05,673 --> 00:16:07,424
You ain't wrong unless they catch you.

382
00:16:08,509 --> 00:16:10,803
And you ain't wrong then
unless you feel bad.

383
00:16:10,886 --> 00:16:13,639
[crowd cackles]

384
00:16:13,722 --> 00:16:14,640
Fuck that.

385
00:16:16,100 --> 00:16:19,603
And don't worry about God,
he knows your crooked Christian ass.

386
00:16:19,687 --> 00:16:21,230
[crowd laughs]

387
00:16:21,313 --> 00:16:23,565
He know you ain't shit. He made you, man.

388
00:16:23,649 --> 00:16:26,944
[crowd laughs, applauds]

389
00:16:27,027 --> 00:16:28,821
So keep fucking up.

390
00:16:28,904 --> 00:16:30,781
[crowd titters]

391
00:16:30,864 --> 00:16:34,159
You want to live a long time?
Keep fucking up and keep giving…

392
00:16:34,243 --> 00:16:36,870
Give God a chance
to keep working with you.

393
00:16:36,954 --> 00:16:38,122
[crowd laughs]

394
00:16:38,205 --> 00:16:41,458
"Yeah, keep working with me, God.
You see I ain't gotten it right yet."

395
00:16:41,542 --> 00:16:42,501
[crowd laughs]

396
00:16:42,584 --> 00:16:43,919
Look up, you be 75.

397
00:16:44,003 --> 00:16:45,004
"Look, God!"

398
00:16:45,087 --> 00:16:46,213
[crowd laughs]

399
00:16:46,296 --> 00:16:48,340
"Still trying to work it out
with you, baby."

400
00:16:48,424 --> 00:16:51,135
[crowd howls, laughs]

401
00:16:53,387 --> 00:16:56,515
'Cause if you get your life…
get your life right and start…

402
00:16:56,598 --> 00:16:59,810
Yeah, and get everything right
and learn all your scriptures and…

403
00:16:59,893 --> 00:17:02,021
[crowd titters]

404
00:17:02,521 --> 00:17:04,273
…become this good old person,

405
00:17:05,315 --> 00:17:06,650
he might call you home.

406
00:17:06,734 --> 00:17:08,736
[crowd roars]

407
00:17:08,819 --> 00:17:10,070
Make you an angel.

408
00:17:10,154 --> 00:17:11,030
[crowd laughs]

409
00:17:11,113 --> 00:17:13,657
-You were too good for this Earth.
-[crowd laughs]

410
00:17:13,741 --> 00:17:16,994
[chuckles]

411
00:17:17,077 --> 00:17:20,205
So if you want to stay on this
fucked-up Earth, stay fucked up.

412
00:17:20,289 --> 00:17:22,124
[crowd cheers, laughs]

413
00:17:22,958 --> 00:17:26,712
There's some people looking at me like,
"That was the worst advice I ever got…"

414
00:17:26,795 --> 00:17:27,671
[crowd laughs]

415
00:17:27,755 --> 00:17:29,048
"…ever in life."

416
00:17:29,131 --> 00:17:30,758
[crowd titters]

417
00:17:31,633 --> 00:17:35,387
'Cause I swear, I've seen Bobby Brown…
I mean, T.D. Jakes the other day at the…

418
00:17:35,471 --> 00:17:37,473
[crowd laughs]

419
00:17:38,057 --> 00:17:40,726
Y'all know damn well
they look alike right now.

420
00:17:40,809 --> 00:17:43,020
Bobby Brown and T.D. Jakes.

421
00:17:43,103 --> 00:17:46,774
[crowd laughs, howls, groans]

422
00:17:46,857 --> 00:17:50,486
And T.D. Jakes, man,
he's all about God, man.

423
00:17:50,569 --> 00:17:53,363
He be up here, man,
look like he got wheels on his shoes.

424
00:17:53,447 --> 00:17:54,948
[reciting gibberish]

425
00:17:55,032 --> 00:17:55,866
"…something."

426
00:17:55,949 --> 00:17:58,619
[crowd laughs, cackles]

427
00:17:59,203 --> 00:18:01,121
[crowd titters]

428
00:18:01,205 --> 00:18:05,334
Woosh! I said,
"Damn, this nigga's a robot."

429
00:18:05,417 --> 00:18:07,503
[crowd laughs]

430
00:18:08,921 --> 00:18:12,007
That's my man, T.D. Jakes, man,
I went to his house and everything.

431
00:18:12,091 --> 00:18:14,760
I pulled up at his house,
his house look like heaven, man.

432
00:18:14,843 --> 00:18:18,347
He got it sitting on a hill, man,
and the gates open up slow.

433
00:18:18,430 --> 00:18:21,350
Like, I'm not lying.
I'm like, "God, this looks like heaven."

434
00:18:21,433 --> 00:18:23,352
Got the smoke coming out. [blowing]

435
00:18:23,435 --> 00:18:25,979
[crowd laughs]

436
00:18:27,606 --> 00:18:31,485
And we pulled in there, man.
I said, "This is T.D. Jakes' house, man."

437
00:18:31,568 --> 00:18:33,153
And I start looking.

438
00:18:33,946 --> 00:18:37,783
And my buddy TC said, "You see that dude
over there with that machine gun?"

439
00:18:37,866 --> 00:18:39,243
[crowd titters]

440
00:18:39,326 --> 00:18:42,621
Man, he has security at his house
with machine guns.

441
00:18:43,497 --> 00:18:45,332
I said, "Damn, where's the faith?"

442
00:18:45,916 --> 00:18:48,502
[crowd roars, applauds]

443
00:18:50,379 --> 00:18:53,048
[crowd howls]

444
00:18:53,549 --> 00:18:56,552
I said, "I guess God
don't work around here all the time."

445
00:18:56,635 --> 00:18:58,428
[crowd laughs]

446
00:18:59,012 --> 00:19:01,849
I guess he called him one time
and he didn't show up.

447
00:19:01,932 --> 00:19:02,850
[crowd laughs]

448
00:19:02,933 --> 00:19:06,061
He's like, "I got something
for these niggas. I'm gonna get security."

449
00:19:06,770 --> 00:19:09,106
"God ain't answered me this time."

450
00:19:09,189 --> 00:19:10,524
[crowd titters]

451
00:19:12,067 --> 00:19:13,402
There's a lot of…

452
00:19:15,320 --> 00:19:17,406
Black, beautiful bullies…

453
00:19:17,489 --> 00:19:20,784
I mean, Black, beautiful…
Black women in here tonight.

454
00:19:20,868 --> 00:19:22,369
[crowd laughs]

455
00:19:22,452 --> 00:19:25,455
Yes, Black women are bullies.
Y'all know y'all bullies.

456
00:19:25,539 --> 00:19:26,373
[crowd laughs]

457
00:19:26,456 --> 00:19:29,042
Every woman in here
that's Black is a bully.

458
00:19:29,126 --> 00:19:30,711
[woman howls]

459
00:19:32,254 --> 00:19:35,215
Black women been bullies
since the beginning of time.

460
00:19:35,299 --> 00:19:36,800
[crowd titters]

461
00:19:36,884 --> 00:19:38,969
Harriet Tubman was a bully.

462
00:19:39,052 --> 00:19:40,345
[crowd laughs]

463
00:19:40,429 --> 00:19:43,056
She made them Black dudes
run under that rail.

464
00:19:43,140 --> 00:19:45,100
"Get your ass under that railroad."

465
00:19:45,184 --> 00:19:46,310
[crowd laughs]

466
00:19:49,938 --> 00:19:50,939
[chuckles]

467
00:19:52,149 --> 00:19:54,193
Coretta Scott King, a bully.

468
00:19:54,276 --> 00:19:55,194
[crowd murmurs]

469
00:19:55,277 --> 00:19:57,321
Yeah. Coretta Scott King, a bully.

470
00:19:57,404 --> 00:19:59,489
She made Martin Luther King run

471
00:19:59,573 --> 00:20:01,783
and march in them hot-ass suits.

472
00:20:01,867 --> 00:20:04,328
[crowd laughs, applauds]

473
00:20:04,411 --> 00:20:05,787
Jada Pinkett, a bully.

474
00:20:05,871 --> 00:20:07,748
Come on, y'all. Let's go.

475
00:20:07,831 --> 00:20:10,542
Jada Pink…
Yeah, y'all was quiet, wasn't you?

476
00:20:10,626 --> 00:20:11,460
[crowd howls]

477
00:20:11,543 --> 00:20:14,838
You thought I was doing
some Kevin Samuels shit, didn't you?

478
00:20:14,922 --> 00:20:17,716
Jada Pinkett, a bully.

479
00:20:17,799 --> 00:20:18,842
[crowd murmurs]

480
00:20:18,926 --> 00:20:20,928
She made that man smack that man.

481
00:20:21,011 --> 00:20:23,013
[crowd roars]

482
00:20:23,096 --> 00:20:25,307
♪ She made that man smack that man ♪

483
00:20:25,390 --> 00:20:27,267
♪ She made that man smack that bitch ♪

484
00:20:27,351 --> 00:20:29,770
♪ Made that man smack that bitch ♪

485
00:20:29,853 --> 00:20:33,315
[crowd cackles]

486
00:20:34,274 --> 00:20:35,442
[woman] Oh God…

487
00:20:35,525 --> 00:20:38,153
He was playing until she looked at him.

488
00:20:38,237 --> 00:20:40,322
[crowd laughs]

489
00:20:40,405 --> 00:20:43,617
And he walked his ass right back up there.

490
00:20:44,117 --> 00:20:46,703
She looked at him
like old girl looked at Baby D

491
00:20:46,787 --> 00:20:49,248
with that brick and say,
"You know what time it is."

492
00:20:49,331 --> 00:20:52,417
[crowd roars, applauds]

493
00:20:52,501 --> 00:20:54,836
He slapped the shit out of Chris Rock.

494
00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:58,257
[crowd laughs, cheers, applauds]

495
00:20:58,340 --> 00:21:00,926
Everybody kept asking me,
"What would you have did?"

496
00:21:01,009 --> 00:21:05,222
Fell out on the ground and had
a seizure, all that money he got.

497
00:21:05,305 --> 00:21:06,265
[crowd laughs]

498
00:21:06,348 --> 00:21:08,100
Got the shaking and…

499
00:21:08,183 --> 00:21:11,687
[crowd laughs, howls, applauds]

500
00:21:11,770 --> 00:21:13,855
Sued the dog shit out of big Willy.

501
00:21:13,939 --> 00:21:18,527
[crowd laughs, howls, cackles]

502
00:21:19,236 --> 00:21:21,530
I'd have been on People's Court
with his ass.

503
00:21:21,613 --> 00:21:22,489
[crowd laughs]

504
00:21:22,572 --> 00:21:24,074
[hums "The People's Court Theme"]

505
00:21:24,157 --> 00:21:25,117
[trills]

506
00:21:25,200 --> 00:21:26,118
[crowd laughs]

507
00:21:26,201 --> 00:21:27,661
[continues humming]

508
00:21:28,453 --> 00:21:30,539
"The plaintiff, Will Smith."

509
00:21:30,622 --> 00:21:34,459
[crowd laughs, chuckles]

510
00:21:34,543 --> 00:21:38,380
I would have said, "Your Honor, I want
to be in three of his movies with him."

511
00:21:38,463 --> 00:21:40,424
[crowd laughs]

512
00:21:40,924 --> 00:21:44,511
[crowd groans, applauds]

513
00:21:44,594 --> 00:21:49,099
"I want to be in Bad Boys 9
with him and Martin."

514
00:21:49,182 --> 00:21:51,852
[crowd laughs, claps]

515
00:21:53,562 --> 00:21:54,438
[woman howls]

516
00:21:54,521 --> 00:21:58,191
"I want to play Geoffrey
on the new Fresh Prince."

517
00:21:58,275 --> 00:21:59,234
[crowd roars]

518
00:21:59,318 --> 00:22:01,278
"Oh, Will, uh…"

519
00:22:01,361 --> 00:22:03,030
[crowd laughs]

520
00:22:03,113 --> 00:22:03,947
[chuckles]

521
00:22:04,031 --> 00:22:06,116
[crowd giggles]

522
00:22:06,199 --> 00:22:08,577
How many men
are getting beat in here by their woman?

523
00:22:08,660 --> 00:22:11,121
How many men are getting elbowed

524
00:22:11,204 --> 00:22:14,833
and slapped and kicked
and kneed in the back?

525
00:22:14,916 --> 00:22:17,669
How many guys are getting beat?
Come on, guys.

526
00:22:17,753 --> 00:22:19,463
[crowd howls]

527
00:22:19,546 --> 00:22:23,467
Raise your hand, now's your time,
you have support in here.

528
00:22:23,550 --> 00:22:25,552
Look at him right there.
There's another one.

529
00:22:26,386 --> 00:22:29,848
You need to be beat, dude.
I could tell. Your ass soft.

530
00:22:29,931 --> 00:22:32,392
[crowd titters]

531
00:22:35,937 --> 00:22:39,358
Women that beat men
got a look on their face too.

532
00:22:40,067 --> 00:22:41,318
You're like, "Yeah."

533
00:22:41,401 --> 00:22:45,072
[crowd laughs]

534
00:22:45,155 --> 00:22:47,657
Look at that man-beater right there.

535
00:22:47,741 --> 00:22:51,828
[crowd laughs, cackles]

536
00:22:51,912 --> 00:22:54,998
"Yeah, look at him, girl.
I'm going to beat his ass."

537
00:22:55,082 --> 00:22:56,333
[crowd roars]

538
00:22:57,209 --> 00:22:59,503
"Gonna get in
a relationship with him first."

539
00:22:59,586 --> 00:23:01,922
[crowd laughs]

540
00:23:04,049 --> 00:23:06,051
[crowd murmurs]

541
00:23:06,134 --> 00:23:09,513
And guys that get beat
are usually unemployed.

542
00:23:09,596 --> 00:23:13,600
[crowd roars, howls]

543
00:23:14,935 --> 00:23:18,939
That's why you letting some woman
slap you upside your fucking head.

544
00:23:19,022 --> 00:23:21,608
Because you don't have
no money to defend yourself.

545
00:23:21,691 --> 00:23:23,527
[crowd laughs]

546
00:23:24,027 --> 00:23:26,029
[crowd titters]

547
00:23:26,530 --> 00:23:29,866
Men that's getting beat,
you can see them at Walmart all day.

548
00:23:29,950 --> 00:23:31,201
[crowd laughs]

549
00:23:31,284 --> 00:23:33,620
She paying for the shit.
"Go get the peanut butter."

550
00:23:33,703 --> 00:23:34,871
"Yeah."

551
00:23:34,955 --> 00:23:39,209
[crowd roars, applauds]

552
00:23:39,292 --> 00:23:40,377
"Is this it?"

553
00:23:40,460 --> 00:23:43,672
[crowd laughs, howls]

554
00:23:43,755 --> 00:23:47,134
Like, "He is a lame-ass little fucking…"

555
00:23:47,717 --> 00:23:49,803
"I can't wait to get rid of him."

556
00:23:49,886 --> 00:23:51,847
[crowd laughs]

557
00:23:51,930 --> 00:23:53,014
"Fucking shopper."

558
00:23:53,098 --> 00:23:55,809
[crowd titters]

559
00:23:56,309 --> 00:23:58,061
Fucking helper, man.

560
00:23:58,145 --> 00:24:00,188
If you're fucking a woman
and living off of her

561
00:24:00,272 --> 00:24:01,314
and ain't paying bills,

562
00:24:01,398 --> 00:24:02,941
you are an assistant now.

563
00:24:03,024 --> 00:24:03,942
[crowd laughs]

564
00:24:04,025 --> 00:24:05,902
And she going to treat you like that.

565
00:24:05,986 --> 00:24:07,195
[crowd titters]

566
00:24:07,279 --> 00:24:10,490
She's gonna talk to you just like that
in front of her friends. "Come here."

567
00:24:10,574 --> 00:24:12,284
[crowd laughs]

568
00:24:12,367 --> 00:24:15,662
"Did you go get that bag
like I asked you to an hour ago?"

569
00:24:15,745 --> 00:24:16,580
[crowd laughs]

570
00:24:16,663 --> 00:24:18,665
You like, "Whoa!"

571
00:24:18,748 --> 00:24:19,875
"Whoa!"

572
00:24:20,834 --> 00:24:22,878
"Watch your tone. Whoa!"

573
00:24:22,961 --> 00:24:24,087
[crowd titters]

574
00:24:24,171 --> 00:24:26,882
But he's still going
to get the bag. "Relax."

575
00:24:26,965 --> 00:24:29,342
[crowd laughs]

576
00:24:29,426 --> 00:24:32,137
She's like, "You better go get
that motherfucking bag."

577
00:24:32,220 --> 00:24:34,473
[crowd titters]

578
00:24:37,017 --> 00:24:40,020
It's really fucked up when her kids
start talking to you like that.

579
00:24:40,103 --> 00:24:41,104
"Come here."

580
00:24:41,188 --> 00:24:43,648
[crowd roars]

581
00:24:44,149 --> 00:24:47,235
"Did you do what my mother
fucking asked you to do?"

582
00:24:47,319 --> 00:24:49,321
[crowd laughs]

583
00:24:49,404 --> 00:24:52,866
"You better shut up. Little nigga."

584
00:24:52,949 --> 00:24:54,743
[crowd laughs]

585
00:24:57,037 --> 00:25:00,248
She come right in the room.
"You call my baby a bitch, Tony?"

586
00:25:00,332 --> 00:25:02,375
[crowd laughs]

587
00:25:02,459 --> 00:25:06,171
[crowd titters]

588
00:25:07,464 --> 00:25:10,258
If you live with a woman
and you ain't paying bills,

589
00:25:10,342 --> 00:25:12,469
you know what I'm saying,
stay out of her face.

590
00:25:12,552 --> 00:25:14,137
[crowd titters]

591
00:25:14,221 --> 00:25:16,848
'Cause you're a reflection
of an unpaid bill.

592
00:25:16,932 --> 00:25:20,393
[crowd roars, laughs]

593
00:25:20,477 --> 00:25:22,354
Every time she see you…

594
00:25:22,437 --> 00:25:24,439
-[crowd titters]
-[man howls]

595
00:25:24,523 --> 00:25:27,150
…Spectrum, something,
pops up in her fucking eyes.

596
00:25:27,234 --> 00:25:28,985
[crowd laughs]

597
00:25:31,696 --> 00:25:33,198
[crowd titters]

598
00:25:35,075 --> 00:25:38,787
And, fellas, if you're an alcoholic,
your wife need to take your check.

599
00:25:38,870 --> 00:25:40,539
[crowd laughs]

600
00:25:40,622 --> 00:25:42,874
And manage it. Am I right?

601
00:25:42,958 --> 00:25:45,210
-Take his fucking check.
-[woman] Yeah.

602
00:25:46,169 --> 00:25:47,170
Yeah.

603
00:25:48,922 --> 00:25:52,259
You come home Friday feeling good.
You got paid.

604
00:25:52,342 --> 00:25:54,344
"Give it up." You're like, "Damn."

605
00:25:54,427 --> 00:25:56,179
[crowd laughs]

606
00:25:56,930 --> 00:25:58,974
[crowd titters]

607
00:25:59,057 --> 00:26:01,434
She treat you like
you're in a work release center.

608
00:26:01,518 --> 00:26:02,644
[crowd laughs]

609
00:26:02,727 --> 00:26:05,146
"Give you 15% so you can go get

610
00:26:05,897 --> 00:26:09,234
your little cosmetics, your cigarettes,
whatever you want to get."

611
00:26:09,317 --> 00:26:10,777
[crowd murmurs]

612
00:26:10,860 --> 00:26:14,197
"But I'm going to keep
a big portion of this for you."

613
00:26:15,282 --> 00:26:18,076
[chuckles]

614
00:26:18,159 --> 00:26:20,036
[crowd titters]

615
00:26:21,121 --> 00:26:23,582
When he get drunk,
that's when he talk shit again.

616
00:26:23,665 --> 00:26:24,541
[crowd titters]

617
00:26:24,624 --> 00:26:26,626
"That's my motherfucking money!"

618
00:26:26,710 --> 00:26:30,797
[crowd laughs, howls]

619
00:26:30,880 --> 00:26:32,799
"You better lower your fucking voice."

620
00:26:32,882 --> 00:26:33,717
[crowd laughs]

621
00:26:33,800 --> 00:26:35,969
"I don't have to lower shit."

622
00:26:36,052 --> 00:26:37,762
[crowd laughs]

623
00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:41,641
[crowd titters]

624
00:26:41,725 --> 00:26:43,810
When he's sober,
he a whole different person.

625
00:26:43,893 --> 00:26:47,480
"I'm gonna tell you, Dallas Cowboys
is a whole another team, see."

626
00:26:47,564 --> 00:26:48,481
[crowd laughs]

627
00:26:48,565 --> 00:26:51,234
That's the drunk nigga
that was in there talking shit?

628
00:26:51,318 --> 00:26:52,152
[crowd laughs]

629
00:26:52,235 --> 00:26:56,114
[Mike chuckles, sighs]

630
00:26:57,282 --> 00:27:00,744
I know you guys seen me in the movies,
but the money is gone.

631
00:27:00,827 --> 00:27:03,997
[crowd roars, applauds]

632
00:27:04,080 --> 00:27:06,207
[crowd laughs]

633
00:27:06,291 --> 00:27:07,500
What do I mean?

634
00:27:07,584 --> 00:27:08,752
[crowd titters]

635
00:27:08,835 --> 00:27:11,254
That's why the fuck I'm here
in Phoenix this weekend.

636
00:27:11,338 --> 00:27:12,964
What the fuck do you mean?

637
00:27:13,048 --> 00:27:14,966
[crowd claps, cheers]

638
00:27:15,050 --> 00:27:17,761
Y'all know damn well I don't come here.

639
00:27:17,844 --> 00:27:20,388
[crowd laughs]

640
00:27:20,472 --> 00:27:22,849
[women cheer]

641
00:27:22,932 --> 00:27:25,310
[crowd titters, whistles]

642
00:27:25,393 --> 00:27:27,479
[crowd cheers, applauds]

643
00:27:27,562 --> 00:27:31,608
That's what I'm talking about.
That's what I'm talking about, Phoenix.

644
00:27:32,108 --> 00:27:34,152
Yeah, yeah.

645
00:27:34,235 --> 00:27:36,780
Most movies you've seen me in,
I was on coke in 'em.

646
00:27:36,863 --> 00:27:38,406
You know, I'll be honest with you.

647
00:27:38,490 --> 00:27:41,117
I don't know if you knew that,
or if you did or you didn't.

648
00:27:41,201 --> 00:27:43,161
You knew that? Okay, all right, yeah.

649
00:27:43,244 --> 00:27:44,704
[crowd laughs]

650
00:27:45,538 --> 00:27:46,581
Yeah.

651
00:27:46,665 --> 00:27:47,832
[crowd murmurs]

652
00:27:47,916 --> 00:27:50,085
All About the Benjamins? Shit.

653
00:27:50,168 --> 00:27:51,586
[woman cheers]

654
00:27:51,670 --> 00:27:53,963
I was on coke. Yeah, go look at it again.

655
00:27:54,047 --> 00:27:55,548
[crowd laughs]

656
00:27:55,632 --> 00:27:57,676
She talking about… Oh, yeah.

657
00:27:57,759 --> 00:27:58,760
[crowd titters]

658
00:27:58,843 --> 00:28:01,638
When I found that ticket,
and I was going like this…

659
00:28:01,721 --> 00:28:06,476
[crowd roars, cheers, laughs]

660
00:28:06,559 --> 00:28:09,145
I had been up for three days.

661
00:28:09,229 --> 00:28:10,480
[crowd laughs]

662
00:28:10,563 --> 00:28:13,983
Tootin' and pootin'
and scootin' and tootin'.

663
00:28:14,067 --> 00:28:14,984
[woman] Yeah!

664
00:28:15,068 --> 00:28:17,862
[crowd cackles, howls]

665
00:28:18,655 --> 00:28:21,449
Cocaine is one drug you can't have sex on.

666
00:28:21,533 --> 00:28:22,575
[crowd titters]

667
00:28:22,659 --> 00:28:24,786
You be snorting,
looking at the girl, like,

668
00:28:24,869 --> 00:28:27,122
"Yeah, I'm gonna tear that ass up."
[snorts]

669
00:28:27,205 --> 00:28:28,873
Your dick be like, "No, you're not."

670
00:28:28,957 --> 00:28:31,126
[crowd roars]

671
00:28:31,209 --> 00:28:33,503
[crowd laughs]

672
00:28:33,586 --> 00:28:37,132
[crowd cackles, titters]

673
00:28:37,924 --> 00:28:41,761
Have you ever had to stuff your dick
in somebody 'cause it didn't get big?

674
00:28:41,845 --> 00:28:42,887
[crowd laughs]

675
00:28:42,971 --> 00:28:45,265
I took that motherfucker
and stuffed it in.

676
00:28:45,348 --> 00:28:48,935
[crowd laughs, howls]

677
00:28:49,018 --> 00:28:51,646
She just coughed and it pop out.

678
00:28:51,730 --> 00:28:53,732
[crowd laughs]

679
00:28:53,815 --> 00:28:56,985
"Girl, get a cough drop
and get the fuck out of here right now."

680
00:28:57,068 --> 00:29:00,238
[crowd laughs, howls]

681
00:29:00,321 --> 00:29:05,702
[crowd laughs, cackles]

682
00:29:07,495 --> 00:29:11,082
[crowd titters]

683
00:29:11,166 --> 00:29:15,003
When I be doing… When I used to do coke,
I'm telling you, man, it was crazy.

684
00:29:15,086 --> 00:29:17,130
[crowd laughs, applauds]

685
00:29:17,213 --> 00:29:20,425
[crowd titters, cackles]

686
00:29:20,508 --> 00:29:21,509
[man groans]

687
00:29:21,593 --> 00:29:24,763
When there's two lines left,
that's when you get sad.

688
00:29:24,846 --> 00:29:25,972
You be like, "Oh God."

689
00:29:26,055 --> 00:29:26,973
[crowd laughs]

690
00:29:27,056 --> 00:29:29,225
[sniffles]
"I need to get my life together."

691
00:29:29,309 --> 00:29:31,811
[crowd laughs]

692
00:29:31,895 --> 00:29:33,772
'Cause you know it's about to be over.

693
00:29:33,855 --> 00:29:35,106
[crowd laughs]

694
00:29:36,941 --> 00:29:40,153
That's why I tell kids, "Don't do cocaine,
'cause it's too powerful."

695
00:29:40,737 --> 00:29:45,033
You got to be a strong-minded motherfucker
to do something other than weed.

696
00:29:45,116 --> 00:29:46,242
[crowd titters]

697
00:29:46,326 --> 00:29:48,286
Know what I mean?
Anything outside of weed,

698
00:29:48,369 --> 00:29:49,996
you fucking with the devil.

699
00:29:50,079 --> 00:29:51,539
[crowd laughs]

700
00:29:51,623 --> 00:29:56,377
Yeah. I'm telling you, 'cause I've been
in the middle of a prayer with God.

701
00:29:57,170 --> 00:29:58,588
I'm talking to God.

702
00:29:58,671 --> 00:29:59,964
[crowd titters]

703
00:30:00,048 --> 00:30:01,341
And the phone rang.

704
00:30:01,424 --> 00:30:03,843
[crowd chuckles]

705
00:30:03,927 --> 00:30:05,345
It was the drug dealer.

706
00:30:05,428 --> 00:30:07,639
[crowd roars]

707
00:30:07,722 --> 00:30:11,684
[crowd laughs]

708
00:30:11,768 --> 00:30:13,895
I said, "God, you know my heart."

709
00:30:13,978 --> 00:30:15,647
[crowd laughs]

710
00:30:15,730 --> 00:30:19,150
"But I've been waiting on this nigga
to call me all day."

711
00:30:19,234 --> 00:30:20,735
"I got to get this call."

712
00:30:20,819 --> 00:30:23,655
[crowd laughs, cheers]

713
00:30:23,738 --> 00:30:24,572
"Where you at?"

714
00:30:24,656 --> 00:30:25,657
"I'm in the lobby."

715
00:30:25,740 --> 00:30:27,867
[crowd roars]

716
00:30:27,951 --> 00:30:31,955
You see me walking through the lobby
with sunglasses and a robe on like this.

717
00:30:32,038 --> 00:30:34,207
[crowd laughs]

718
00:30:34,290 --> 00:30:37,752
[crowd howls]

719
00:30:37,836 --> 00:30:41,381
[laughs]

720
00:30:42,090 --> 00:30:43,925
[crowd titters]

721
00:30:44,676 --> 00:30:45,802
Yeah, man.

722
00:30:46,636 --> 00:30:49,681
From all the crazy shit that I did,
I made some beautiful kids.

723
00:30:49,764 --> 00:30:52,433
You know what I mean?
I made some beautiful kids.

724
00:30:52,517 --> 00:30:56,187
[crowd cheers, applauds]

725
00:30:56,271 --> 00:30:58,982
But I've been paying child support
since I was 17 years old.

726
00:30:59,065 --> 00:31:00,859
-[crowd laughs]
-chuckles

727
00:31:00,942 --> 00:31:03,444
-That's a life sentence, ain't it, man?
-[crowd laughs]

728
00:31:03,528 --> 00:31:06,614
I didn't even know I was going to be
born into some shit like that.

729
00:31:06,698 --> 00:31:08,449
[crowd titters]

730
00:31:08,950 --> 00:31:12,745
That's like living in the system.
Seventeen years old?

731
00:31:12,829 --> 00:31:13,830
Man.

732
00:31:14,414 --> 00:31:16,374
And I ain't never missed a payment either.

733
00:31:16,457 --> 00:31:17,750
[crowd cheers, applauds]

734
00:31:17,834 --> 00:31:19,627
And I'm 52 years old.

735
00:31:20,253 --> 00:31:21,796
Never missed a payment.

736
00:31:21,880 --> 00:31:24,799
You know why? 'Cause I didn't
want to be that guy up in prison.

737
00:31:24,883 --> 00:31:27,176
Everybody talking about
what they in there for.

738
00:31:27,760 --> 00:31:30,096
"Yeah, child support, my nigga,
you know what I mean?"

739
00:31:30,179 --> 00:31:31,389
[crowd roars]

740
00:31:31,472 --> 00:31:33,766
"Six kids, no child support."

741
00:31:33,850 --> 00:31:36,728
[crowd laughs]

742
00:31:37,228 --> 00:31:38,688
[crowd titters]

743
00:31:38,771 --> 00:31:40,982
Sending gangster pictures home and shit.

744
00:31:41,065 --> 00:31:44,277
[crowd roars, claps]

745
00:31:45,695 --> 00:31:48,907
"To all my neglected kids out there."

746
00:31:48,990 --> 00:31:50,825
[crowd laughs]

747
00:31:51,826 --> 00:31:53,620
[crowd titters]

748
00:31:54,495 --> 00:31:56,623
[chuckles]

749
00:31:56,706 --> 00:31:58,833
Yeah. If I knew
I was gonna be this successful,

750
00:31:58,917 --> 00:32:01,294
I wouldn't have spread my dick so thin.

751
00:32:01,377 --> 00:32:05,256
[crowd laughs, titters]

752
00:32:05,340 --> 00:32:07,926
I gave it to people who didn't deserve it.

753
00:32:08,009 --> 00:32:09,802
[crowd laughs]

754
00:32:10,303 --> 00:32:13,806
[crowd cackles, titters]

755
00:32:15,475 --> 00:32:17,936
[crowd chuckles, murmurs]

756
00:32:19,437 --> 00:32:20,730
Yeah, it's crazy, man.

757
00:32:20,813 --> 00:32:21,648
[sniffs]

758
00:32:21,731 --> 00:32:22,982
And I ain't gonna lie, man.

759
00:32:23,066 --> 00:32:26,027
You know, I go to therapy, I go… You know.

760
00:32:26,903 --> 00:32:29,614
I got a therapist
and I got a psychiatrist.

761
00:32:29,697 --> 00:32:30,782
[man chuckles]

762
00:32:30,865 --> 00:32:32,784
I need somebody else to talk to too.

763
00:32:32,867 --> 00:32:34,202
[crowd laughs]

764
00:32:34,285 --> 00:32:35,536
[laughs]

765
00:32:35,620 --> 00:32:38,581
-[chuckles] 'Cause that ain't enough.
-[crowd laughs]

766
00:32:38,665 --> 00:32:39,707
[woman cheers]

767
00:32:39,791 --> 00:32:43,211
You know? And you go to therapy
and you sitting there talking to…

768
00:32:43,294 --> 00:32:46,589
It's always some woman, you know,
a white lady or somebody sitting there,

769
00:32:46,673 --> 00:32:50,969
and you sitting there telling her shit
that you can't tell a nigga in the street.

770
00:32:51,052 --> 00:32:53,012
[crowd laughs]

771
00:32:53,096 --> 00:32:54,305
You know what I mean?

772
00:32:55,431 --> 00:32:59,310
You tell the lady at the therapist,
"Don't you tell nobody this shit."

773
00:32:59,394 --> 00:33:00,353
[crowd laughs]

774
00:33:00,436 --> 00:33:02,939
She's like,
"No, this stays between me and you."

775
00:33:03,523 --> 00:33:07,110
You think she's going to ride
in the hood, say, "Hey, guys, what's up?"

776
00:33:07,193 --> 00:33:10,154
"This is Karen. Mike's therapist."

777
00:33:10,238 --> 00:33:11,197
[crowd laughs]

778
00:33:11,280 --> 00:33:13,783
"He told me
a girl put a finger in his ass."

779
00:33:13,866 --> 00:33:14,951
[laughter continues]

780
00:33:15,034 --> 00:33:16,953
[mimics car honking, tires squealing]

781
00:33:17,036 --> 00:33:18,746
[crowd laughs]

782
00:33:20,039 --> 00:33:24,085
[crowd titters]

783
00:33:24,168 --> 00:33:25,420
[chuckling]

784
00:33:26,462 --> 00:33:28,172
That's what you be scared of.

785
00:33:30,216 --> 00:33:33,469
My therapist straight up
asked me one time, man.

786
00:33:33,553 --> 00:33:36,097
"What is it that you like about coke?"

787
00:33:36,597 --> 00:33:39,642
[crowd titters]

788
00:33:39,726 --> 00:33:41,686
I said, "I love the smell of it."

789
00:33:41,769 --> 00:33:46,232
[crowd roars, laughs]

790
00:33:46,315 --> 00:33:49,027
[crowd titters]

791
00:33:49,527 --> 00:33:51,612
"That's why I kept doing it."

792
00:33:51,696 --> 00:33:53,990
[laughter continues]

793
00:33:59,203 --> 00:34:02,331
I told her, I said, "I got friends
that been doing this shit for 20 years,

794
00:34:02,415 --> 00:34:04,333
and they not hooked on it yet."

795
00:34:04,417 --> 00:34:07,795
[crowd laughs]

796
00:34:08,296 --> 00:34:11,674
She said, "Oh yeah? Did you hear
what the fuck you just said to me, Mike?"

797
00:34:11,758 --> 00:34:13,384
[laughter continues]

798
00:34:13,468 --> 00:34:17,221
[chuckles]

799
00:34:17,722 --> 00:34:19,140
[chuckling continues]

800
00:34:19,640 --> 00:34:21,851
That's really crazy, man. 'Cause, yeah.

801
00:34:22,852 --> 00:34:24,562
You know, the older you get,

802
00:34:24,645 --> 00:34:28,066
the more you realize
it's okay to live with yourself

803
00:34:28,149 --> 00:34:30,985
no matter who the fuck you are,
you know what I mean?

804
00:34:31,069 --> 00:34:31,944
Yeah.

805
00:34:32,028 --> 00:34:33,780
[crowd cheers, applauds]

806
00:34:33,863 --> 00:34:36,991
It's only when you're young
is when you care.

807
00:34:37,075 --> 00:34:38,201
[crowd titters]

808
00:34:38,284 --> 00:34:42,330
But when you get older, you don't
give a fuck what nobody know about you

809
00:34:42,955 --> 00:34:44,332
or seen about you or nothing.

810
00:34:44,415 --> 00:34:45,625
You're like, "Fuck you."

811
00:34:45,708 --> 00:34:46,876
[crowd titters]

812
00:34:46,959 --> 00:34:48,753
"You're going to die soon too."

813
00:34:48,836 --> 00:34:50,379
[laughter continues]

814
00:34:50,463 --> 00:34:52,590
[Mike chuckles]

815
00:34:52,673 --> 00:34:54,717
Who gives a fuck, right?

816
00:34:55,593 --> 00:34:56,719
Yeah.

817
00:34:56,803 --> 00:34:59,806
If you're out here and you're
with a woman that you love, man,

818
00:35:00,807 --> 00:35:02,225
don't get caught cheating.

819
00:35:02,308 --> 00:35:04,644
[crowd laughs]

820
00:35:04,727 --> 00:35:09,816
[crowd titters, murmurs]

821
00:35:10,399 --> 00:35:13,486
That is the worst feeling
in the motherfucking world.

822
00:35:14,821 --> 00:35:16,114
You know what I mean?

823
00:35:16,197 --> 00:35:19,033
And don't get caught cheating
with an ugly bitch, either.

824
00:35:19,117 --> 00:35:20,535
[crowd laughs]

825
00:35:20,618 --> 00:35:22,578
That's rule number one. [laughs]

826
00:35:22,662 --> 00:35:26,290
[crowd laughs]

827
00:35:26,374 --> 00:35:28,417
You done get caught with a Sleestak…

828
00:35:28,501 --> 00:35:29,961
[crowd roars]

829
00:35:30,044 --> 00:35:32,171
…from the Land of the Lost.

830
00:35:32,255 --> 00:35:36,342
[crowd laughs, titters]

831
00:35:36,843 --> 00:35:38,469
I'm the worst cheater ever.

832
00:35:40,054 --> 00:35:42,223
I mean, to get caught
cheating while you sleep

833
00:35:42,306 --> 00:35:44,225
is the worst time to get caught cheating.

834
00:35:44,308 --> 00:35:46,227
[crowd chuckles]

835
00:35:46,310 --> 00:35:48,437
I mean, you are in a coma, nigga.

836
00:35:48,521 --> 00:35:50,648
You done smoke three blunts,
sitting there…

837
00:35:50,731 --> 00:35:52,775
[chuckling continues]

838
00:35:53,276 --> 00:35:54,610
"Who is this?"

839
00:35:54,694 --> 00:35:57,238
[crowd roars, laughs]

840
00:35:57,321 --> 00:36:00,366
[hums melodic clock chimes]

841
00:36:01,409 --> 00:36:05,163
[continues humming chimes]

842
00:36:05,246 --> 00:36:08,374
You feel like you in a movie, nigga,
you like, "Oh God."

843
00:36:08,457 --> 00:36:09,959
[crowd titters]

844
00:36:10,042 --> 00:36:11,586
"Who is this?"

845
00:36:11,669 --> 00:36:13,462
[laughter continues]

846
00:36:13,963 --> 00:36:15,923
"I don't know." "Who is this?"

847
00:36:16,007 --> 00:36:18,885
[laughter continues]

848
00:36:18,968 --> 00:36:21,512
[crowd titters]

849
00:36:21,596 --> 00:36:24,098
[crow murmurs]

850
00:36:24,599 --> 00:36:25,641
"Call the bitch."

851
00:36:25,725 --> 00:36:27,727
[crowd laughs]

852
00:36:28,477 --> 00:36:29,312
"Huh?"

853
00:36:29,395 --> 00:36:30,396
[laughter continues]

854
00:36:30,479 --> 00:36:32,231
"Call the bitch."

855
00:36:32,315 --> 00:36:34,358
[crowd chuckles]

856
00:36:34,442 --> 00:36:36,694
"It's 3:30--" "Call the bitch!"

857
00:36:36,777 --> 00:36:38,905
[crowd laughs]

858
00:36:38,988 --> 00:36:41,657
[crowd titters]

859
00:36:42,241 --> 00:36:44,243
[mimics phone ringing]

860
00:36:44,327 --> 00:36:45,870
[crowd laughs]

861
00:36:46,746 --> 00:36:51,083
[laughter continues]

862
00:36:51,167 --> 00:36:53,377
[mimics phone ringing]

863
00:36:53,461 --> 00:36:57,215
[laughter continues]

864
00:36:57,298 --> 00:37:00,885
You're like, you hope this bitch is dead,
"Please don't answer this phone."

865
00:37:01,552 --> 00:37:05,097
"Please let a bridge be…
just fell on this ho's head."

866
00:37:05,181 --> 00:37:06,474
[crowd laughs]

867
00:37:06,557 --> 00:37:07,683
"Be dead, ho, please."

868
00:37:07,767 --> 00:37:09,769
[crowd titters]

869
00:37:09,852 --> 00:37:12,647
When she answer that phone,
you gotta cuss that bitch out.

870
00:37:12,730 --> 00:37:13,689
[woman howls]

871
00:37:13,773 --> 00:37:16,609
"Hello?" "Don't you ever
call this fucking house again!"

872
00:37:16,692 --> 00:37:19,612
"You fucking up a good family.
You know what you're doing."

873
00:37:19,695 --> 00:37:22,281
[crowd laughs]

874
00:37:22,365 --> 00:37:25,409
[crowd titters, howls]

875
00:37:25,493 --> 00:37:26,410
[woman] Yeah!

876
00:37:26,494 --> 00:37:30,539
[crowd chuckles, cackles]

877
00:37:30,623 --> 00:37:34,252
Now, if a woman stay with you
after she catch you cheating…

878
00:37:36,003 --> 00:37:37,505
that means she loves you.

879
00:37:37,588 --> 00:37:40,466
[crowd titters]

880
00:37:40,549 --> 00:37:42,718
But she's going to torture your ass.

881
00:37:42,802 --> 00:37:44,095
[crowd roars]

882
00:37:44,762 --> 00:37:46,305
Let the games begin.

883
00:37:46,389 --> 00:37:48,099
[laughter continues]

884
00:37:48,182 --> 00:37:50,434
[chuckles]

885
00:37:50,518 --> 00:37:53,813
Let the motherfucking games begin.

886
00:37:54,397 --> 00:37:57,692
They going to start right off
by taking their fucking ring off.

887
00:37:58,651 --> 00:38:00,278
That one hurt, right there.

888
00:38:01,028 --> 00:38:02,280
You're like, "Where's the ring?"

889
00:38:02,363 --> 00:38:04,991
She's like,
"Giving my hand a break for a while."

890
00:38:05,074 --> 00:38:07,285
[crowd laughs]

891
00:38:07,368 --> 00:38:08,703
"Needs to breathe."

892
00:38:08,786 --> 00:38:10,663
[laughter continues]

893
00:38:11,122 --> 00:38:12,832
[Mike chuckles]

894
00:38:14,458 --> 00:38:17,920
Then they go get a new hairstyle,
you're like, "Oh God."

895
00:38:18,796 --> 00:38:22,258
"Does the new guy like this look on you?"

896
00:38:22,341 --> 00:38:24,260
[crow titters]

897
00:38:25,261 --> 00:38:27,305
Now you think, it's fucking your head up.

898
00:38:27,388 --> 00:38:30,933
You're trying to imagine who the fuck
she going to be with after you.

899
00:38:31,809 --> 00:38:33,644
That fucks your head up.

900
00:38:34,353 --> 00:38:36,981
You're trying to imagine them
and picture them.

901
00:38:37,064 --> 00:38:40,818
You just out in the world
and just looking at dudes, like…

902
00:38:40,901 --> 00:38:41,944
[crowd titters]

903
00:38:42,028 --> 00:38:44,947
"Is that the kind of motherfucker
she'll like right there?"

904
00:38:45,031 --> 00:38:47,116
-[crowd laughs]
-[chuckles]

905
00:38:47,199 --> 00:38:50,161
All kind of crazy shit
go through your fucking head.

906
00:38:52,121 --> 00:38:54,081
Then you start trying to scare her.

907
00:38:56,042 --> 00:38:58,836
"I'm gonna let you know
it's rough out there in that world."

908
00:38:58,919 --> 00:39:00,880
[crowd roars]

909
00:39:00,963 --> 00:39:05,718
[crowd cackles, titters, howls]

910
00:39:06,218 --> 00:39:09,013
"You never know who the fuck
is out there that you meeting."

911
00:39:09,096 --> 00:39:10,514
[laughter continues]

912
00:39:11,849 --> 00:39:13,267
"They could be crazy."

913
00:39:14,060 --> 00:39:16,437
"Fucked up, mentally deranged."

914
00:39:17,313 --> 00:39:20,066
She'll be like, "Yeah, just like you.
Bye. I'm gonna go."

915
00:39:20,149 --> 00:39:21,525
[crowd laughs]

916
00:39:23,527 --> 00:39:24,403
Yeah.

917
00:39:25,404 --> 00:39:26,614
They don't let you forget.

918
00:39:26,697 --> 00:39:29,325
They just keep reminding
your motherfucking ass.

919
00:39:29,408 --> 00:39:33,412
That's the fucked-up thing about it.
They don't stop, they keep reminding you.

920
00:39:34,121 --> 00:39:36,290
It'd be three months
after that shit was over,

921
00:39:36,374 --> 00:39:38,042
they come in the motherfucking room.

922
00:39:38,125 --> 00:39:41,003
"This is a picture of the bitch
without the filter!"

923
00:39:41,087 --> 00:39:43,381
[crowd roars, applauds]

924
00:39:43,464 --> 00:39:45,508
"This is who you was with, nigga."

925
00:39:45,591 --> 00:39:48,469
[crowd howls, applauds]

926
00:39:48,552 --> 00:39:50,805
"You thought you was
doing something, didn't you?"

927
00:39:50,888 --> 00:39:52,848
[crowd laughs]

928
00:39:52,932 --> 00:39:54,934
[crowd murmurs]

929
00:39:55,017 --> 00:39:57,478
You're like,
"Where the fuck did that come from?"

930
00:39:57,561 --> 00:40:01,399
[crowd titters, murmurs]

931
00:40:01,899 --> 00:40:03,359
Six months later.

932
00:40:04,443 --> 00:40:07,613
"It was the eyelashes
and the dead eye for me, man."

933
00:40:07,696 --> 00:40:08,531
[crowd laughs]

934
00:40:08,614 --> 00:40:11,242
"That's what really did it
and hurt my feelings."

935
00:40:11,325 --> 00:40:16,497
"It was her eyelashes and that dead eye
that hurt my feelings." [quavers]

936
00:40:17,123 --> 00:40:18,999
[crowd laughs]

937
00:40:20,000 --> 00:40:23,546
[crowd titters, howls]

938
00:40:23,629 --> 00:40:26,632
She listening to Kelly Price,
all kind of shit.

939
00:40:26,715 --> 00:40:28,634
[crowd laughs]

940
00:40:30,428 --> 00:40:32,179
Ten years later.

941
00:40:32,263 --> 00:40:33,597
[laughter continues]

942
00:40:34,098 --> 00:40:36,225
"Hey, babe,
let's go get something to eat."

943
00:40:36,892 --> 00:40:38,686
"Go ask Left Eye, motherfucker."

944
00:40:38,769 --> 00:40:40,271
[crowd roars]

945
00:40:40,354 --> 00:40:42,189
"Do she want something to eat?"

946
00:40:42,273 --> 00:40:43,524
[crowd laughs]

947
00:40:44,733 --> 00:40:45,568
[chuckles]

948
00:40:45,651 --> 00:40:48,154
[crowd titters]

949
00:40:49,738 --> 00:40:53,409
Fellas, when you're in a relationship,
you got to keep on reminding your girl

950
00:40:53,492 --> 00:40:56,203
how sexy she is and how beautiful she is.

951
00:40:56,287 --> 00:40:57,246
You know what I mean?

952
00:40:57,329 --> 00:40:59,498
That's how you got to address her
all the time.

953
00:40:59,582 --> 00:41:00,749
No matter what you think.

954
00:41:00,833 --> 00:41:01,917
[women cheer, clap]

955
00:41:02,001 --> 00:41:03,169
"Good morning, sexy."

956
00:41:03,711 --> 00:41:05,212
"Have a great day, sexy."

957
00:41:06,505 --> 00:41:08,382
"How's your beautiful self doing today?"

958
00:41:08,466 --> 00:41:09,758
[crowd titters]

959
00:41:09,842 --> 00:41:12,219
Just got to keep saying it,
'cause if you don't,

960
00:41:12,303 --> 00:41:14,096
her work husband's going to tell her.

961
00:41:14,180 --> 00:41:15,598
[crowd roars]

962
00:41:15,681 --> 00:41:18,309
And I'm gonna kill his motherfucking ass.

963
00:41:18,392 --> 00:41:20,561
[crowd laughs]

964
00:41:20,644 --> 00:41:23,230
Yeah, that dude at her fucking job.

965
00:41:23,314 --> 00:41:24,857
[laughter continues]

966
00:41:25,941 --> 00:41:29,403
That's why you got to pop up
on your girl's job sometimes. Yeah.

967
00:41:29,487 --> 00:41:30,362
Uh-huh.

968
00:41:30,446 --> 00:41:32,531
"You didn't know
I was coming today, did you?"

969
00:41:32,615 --> 00:41:33,491
[crowd laughs]

970
00:41:33,574 --> 00:41:36,202
No warning.
Just walk up in there like that.

971
00:41:36,285 --> 00:41:38,787
"Yeah. Uh-huh. Where's she at?"

972
00:41:38,871 --> 00:41:39,705
Huh!

973
00:41:39,788 --> 00:41:41,457
[crowd laughs]

974
00:41:43,125 --> 00:41:46,170
Don't give nobody a chance to say,
"Cheryl, your man here."

975
00:41:46,253 --> 00:41:48,214
"No, I'm up in here."

976
00:41:48,297 --> 00:41:50,966
[crowd titters]

977
00:41:51,050 --> 00:41:52,801
You looking for that work husband.

978
00:41:52,885 --> 00:41:53,928
[laughter continues]

979
00:41:54,011 --> 00:41:55,387
You know who that is?

980
00:41:55,471 --> 00:41:58,516
That's the first dude you see that say,
"You looking for Cheryl?"

981
00:41:58,599 --> 00:42:00,768
Like, "No, I'm looking for you.
Come here."

982
00:42:00,851 --> 00:42:02,019
[crowd roars]

983
00:42:02,102 --> 00:42:05,189
"Let me holla at you for a minute.
That's just who the fuck…"

984
00:42:05,272 --> 00:42:07,066
[crowd howls, applauds]

985
00:42:07,149 --> 00:42:10,903
"Stop buying my fucking wife coffee,
nigga, at Starbucks!"

986
00:42:10,986 --> 00:42:12,988
[crowd laughs]

987
00:42:13,072 --> 00:42:15,115
[crowd howls]

988
00:42:15,699 --> 00:42:17,910
[crowd laughs]

989
00:42:18,410 --> 00:42:20,579
[crowd titters]

990
00:42:22,039 --> 00:42:23,832
[woman howls]

991
00:42:23,916 --> 00:42:28,128
She coming home happy, she's supposed
to come home from work sad and tired.

992
00:42:28,629 --> 00:42:30,673
Cussing about the fucking job.

993
00:42:30,756 --> 00:42:31,674
[crowd titters]

994
00:42:31,757 --> 00:42:33,300
"How was work?" "Lovely."

995
00:42:33,384 --> 00:42:34,552
[crowd roars]

996
00:42:34,635 --> 00:42:37,012
"Okay. I'm going to kill
you, him, and me."

997
00:42:37,096 --> 00:42:39,348
[laughter continues]

998
00:42:39,431 --> 00:42:41,559
"We are dead if you keep playing."

999
00:42:41,642 --> 00:42:43,644
[laughter continues]

1000
00:42:45,854 --> 00:42:47,565
"We are out of here."

1001
00:42:47,648 --> 00:42:51,235
[crowd titters]

1002
00:42:51,735 --> 00:42:54,363
'Cause men, we can't take
what women can take. You know?

1003
00:42:54,446 --> 00:42:56,115
We can't take getting cheated on.

1004
00:42:56,198 --> 00:42:57,241
[women cackle]

1005
00:42:57,324 --> 00:42:58,576
We can't take it.

1006
00:42:58,659 --> 00:43:01,745
I mean, it'd be the end of our world,
you know?

1007
00:43:02,454 --> 00:43:05,916
If you catch a woman doing fucked-up shit
she ain't supposed to be doing,

1008
00:43:06,000 --> 00:43:08,252
and you say something to her
and you're a cheater,

1009
00:43:08,335 --> 00:43:11,505
you know what she gonna say?
"Please, nigga, all the shit you did?"

1010
00:43:11,589 --> 00:43:13,340
[crowd roars]

1011
00:43:13,841 --> 00:43:16,969
[crowd titters, murmurs]

1012
00:43:18,262 --> 00:43:19,471
[chuckles]

1013
00:43:19,555 --> 00:43:21,974
[crowd titters]

1014
00:43:22,474 --> 00:43:24,310
Ladies, you can never pay your man back.

1015
00:43:24,393 --> 00:43:27,271
You'd have to fuck
the whole country of Africa.

1016
00:43:27,354 --> 00:43:29,356
[crowd laughs]

1017
00:43:29,440 --> 00:43:30,733
[chuckles]

1018
00:43:30,816 --> 00:43:35,404
You'll just be giving away some coochie
to somebody who don't do nothing for you.

1019
00:43:35,487 --> 00:43:36,864
[laughter continues]

1020
00:43:37,364 --> 00:43:38,657
So don't fuck for free.

1021
00:43:39,783 --> 00:43:42,703
It's what I really want to tell
you ladies. Don't fuck for free.

1022
00:43:43,621 --> 00:43:46,957
No matter how mad you get,
don't fuck for free.

1023
00:43:47,041 --> 00:43:49,668
[crowd applauds]

1024
00:43:49,752 --> 00:43:53,339
[women cheer]

1025
00:43:53,422 --> 00:43:55,341
[applause dies down]

1026
00:43:55,424 --> 00:43:59,470
'Cause I live in LA, man, and I was
riding down a street called Figueroa.

1027
00:43:59,553 --> 00:44:01,764
I don't know how I got on the street.

1028
00:44:01,847 --> 00:44:04,224
[crowd laughs]

1029
00:44:04,308 --> 00:44:07,269
Whatever, y'all,
I don't have to explain nothing to y'all.

1030
00:44:07,853 --> 00:44:08,854
Anyway…

1031
00:44:08,937 --> 00:44:10,147
[laughter continues]

1032
00:44:10,230 --> 00:44:12,024
…before I was judged…

1033
00:44:12,107 --> 00:44:13,525
[laughter continues]

1034
00:44:13,609 --> 00:44:16,236
…it's a main street,
and I was riding down it.

1035
00:44:16,320 --> 00:44:17,279
[crowd titters]

1036
00:44:17,363 --> 00:44:19,782
Y'all's mind is in the gutter. Anyway…

1037
00:44:19,865 --> 00:44:22,076
Anyway, "Ahh!"

1038
00:44:22,159 --> 00:44:23,827
[crowd laughs]

1039
00:44:24,745 --> 00:44:27,706
And the people back here are like, "Ahh!"

1040
00:44:27,790 --> 00:44:29,583
Anyway, "Ahh!"

1041
00:44:29,667 --> 00:44:31,085
[crowd laughs]

1042
00:44:31,585 --> 00:44:33,128
I was riding down Figueroa.

1043
00:44:33,212 --> 00:44:34,296
[laughter continues]

1044
00:44:34,380 --> 00:44:35,756
And it's a ho stroll.

1045
00:44:35,839 --> 00:44:37,049
[crowd murmurs]

1046
00:44:37,132 --> 00:44:39,968
I'm talking about both sides
of the street, butt-ass-naked.

1047
00:44:40,052 --> 00:44:43,722
It fucked my head up.
When I seen it, I could not believe it.

1048
00:44:43,806 --> 00:44:45,641
I said, "Goddamn!"

1049
00:44:45,724 --> 00:44:46,767
[crowd titters]

1050
00:44:46,850 --> 00:44:49,770
And the girls out there are so beautiful.

1051
00:44:50,646 --> 00:44:52,564
And I seen one girl that…

1052
00:44:52,648 --> 00:44:55,567
I mean, she was
so innocent-looking, man, and beautiful.

1053
00:44:55,651 --> 00:44:57,277
I couldn't believe it, man.

1054
00:44:57,861 --> 00:44:59,571
And it hurt my heart, really.

1055
00:45:00,155 --> 00:45:01,573
[crowd titters]

1056
00:45:01,657 --> 00:45:04,576
I rolled down the window.
I said, "Why are you out here?"

1057
00:45:04,660 --> 00:45:07,162
[laughter continues]

1058
00:45:07,246 --> 00:45:08,497
I said, "Get in the car."

1059
00:45:08,580 --> 00:45:10,082
[crowd roars]

1060
00:45:10,165 --> 00:45:13,961
See? There y'all… Fuck y'all.
I'm not telling the rest of it.

1061
00:45:14,044 --> 00:45:17,423
I'm not telling the rest of the story,
'cause y'all are some bullshit.

1062
00:45:17,506 --> 00:45:18,340
[crowd laughs]

1063
00:45:18,424 --> 00:45:20,551
I was trying to help this girl, man.

1064
00:45:20,634 --> 00:45:21,552
[crowd roars]

1065
00:45:21,635 --> 00:45:22,803
Fuck y'all, man.

1066
00:45:22,886 --> 00:45:24,346
[laughter continues]

1067
00:45:24,430 --> 00:45:26,682
Anyway, "Ahh!"

1068
00:45:26,765 --> 00:45:27,891
[crowd roars]

1069
00:45:28,892 --> 00:45:33,564
[crowd howls, cackles]

1070
00:45:34,565 --> 00:45:36,358
Man, I was being a good dude, man.

1071
00:45:36,442 --> 00:45:37,860
[laughter continues]

1072
00:45:37,943 --> 00:45:39,737
I gave her $60.

1073
00:45:39,820 --> 00:45:42,406
[crowd laughs]

1074
00:45:42,489 --> 00:45:44,658
[crowd titters]

1075
00:45:44,742 --> 00:45:46,243
[crowd yells indistinctly]

1076
00:45:46,326 --> 00:45:49,079
Why did I give it?
Because she needed stuff.

1077
00:45:49,163 --> 00:45:49,997
[crowd laughs]

1078
00:45:50,080 --> 00:45:54,543
Oh God, I don't want to tell y'all
no more of my good deeds that I do.

1079
00:45:54,626 --> 00:45:56,587
[crowd cackles]

1080
00:45:57,337 --> 00:45:59,590
[crowd titters]

1081
00:46:00,090 --> 00:46:01,425
[chuckles]

1082
00:46:01,508 --> 00:46:04,887
I've been riding down that street
every day for the last two months…

1083
00:46:04,970 --> 00:46:06,388
[crowd laughs]

1084
00:46:06,472 --> 00:46:09,516
…trying to find this young lady

1085
00:46:10,017 --> 00:46:12,060
and keep her on the right track.

1086
00:46:12,144 --> 00:46:13,979
[laughter continues]

1087
00:46:14,062 --> 00:46:16,106
[crowd claps]

1088
00:46:16,190 --> 00:46:17,775
She keep falling off the track.

1089
00:46:17,858 --> 00:46:19,693
[crowd laughs]

1090
00:46:20,194 --> 00:46:22,196
[crowd titters]

1091
00:46:23,906 --> 00:46:25,616
I seen a friend… I'm not bullshitting.

1092
00:46:25,699 --> 00:46:29,244
I'm in Atlanta one time some years ago.
I'm sitting up in the strip club,

1093
00:46:29,328 --> 00:46:33,540
and I see one of
my partner's uh… daughters stripping.

1094
00:46:33,624 --> 00:46:34,792
[crowd titters]

1095
00:46:34,875 --> 00:46:37,211
It was so uncomfortable, man,

1096
00:46:37,294 --> 00:46:39,880
and she see me,
she was like, "Oh, Mr. Epps."

1097
00:46:39,963 --> 00:46:42,716
-I said, "I ain't Mr. Epps in here, baby."
-[crowd laughs]

1098
00:46:42,800 --> 00:46:44,593
"I'm a whole 'nother nigga in here."

1099
00:46:44,676 --> 00:46:46,053
[laughter continues]

1100
00:46:46,136 --> 00:46:48,180
She said, "Don't tell my father."

1101
00:46:48,263 --> 00:46:50,974
I said,
"Don't you tell him that you seen me."

1102
00:46:51,058 --> 00:46:52,810
[laughter continues]

1103
00:46:53,644 --> 00:46:57,856
[crowd titters, cackles]

1104
00:46:57,940 --> 00:46:59,775
[crowd murmurs]

1105
00:46:59,858 --> 00:47:01,318
I was like, "Get over here."

1106
00:47:02,069 --> 00:47:05,489
[crowd cheers, laughs]

1107
00:47:06,490 --> 00:47:08,742
[cheers, laughter continue]

1108
00:47:08,826 --> 00:47:12,246
[crowd laughs, whistles]

1109
00:47:13,705 --> 00:47:15,499
She was dancing scared. She's like…

1110
00:47:15,582 --> 00:47:19,169
[crowd roars, claps]

1111
00:47:19,670 --> 00:47:23,048
[laughter continues]

1112
00:47:23,924 --> 00:47:28,095
[crowd titters, murmurs]

1113
00:47:28,595 --> 00:47:29,847
[chuckles]

1114
00:47:31,265 --> 00:47:33,183
There's a blind serial killer in Phoenix.

1115
00:47:33,267 --> 00:47:35,686
I just seen it on the news.
I know you don't believe…

1116
00:47:35,769 --> 00:47:38,021
Yes, there's a blind serial killer
in Phoenix.

1117
00:47:38,105 --> 00:47:39,189
I just seen it on…

1118
00:47:39,273 --> 00:47:40,482
Y'all don't believe me?

1119
00:47:40,566 --> 00:47:41,817
[crowd laughs]

1120
00:47:41,900 --> 00:47:44,152
I just seen…
Y'all was in here when I seen it.

1121
00:47:44,236 --> 00:47:46,405
I was back there
while y'all was coming in.

1122
00:47:46,488 --> 00:47:48,115
[crowd titters]

1123
00:47:48,615 --> 00:47:50,242
That's what I said when I seen it.

1124
00:47:50,325 --> 00:47:52,494
I said, "If you let
somebody blind kill you…"

1125
00:47:52,578 --> 00:47:53,954
[crowd laughs]

1126
00:47:54,538 --> 00:47:56,707
"…that means you let somebody
feel for you."

1127
00:47:56,790 --> 00:47:59,626
[laughter continues]

1128
00:48:00,127 --> 00:48:02,546
'Cause how the fuck
did he know you was in there?

1129
00:48:02,629 --> 00:48:05,424
[laughter continues]

1130
00:48:05,924 --> 00:48:08,343
[crowd titters]

1131
00:48:08,844 --> 00:48:10,971
That means you let a nigga take a stick…

1132
00:48:11,054 --> 00:48:12,556
[crowd laughs]

1133
00:48:12,639 --> 00:48:13,473
…and do this.

1134
00:48:13,557 --> 00:48:15,642
[crowd cackles]

1135
00:48:15,726 --> 00:48:18,604
[crowd titters]

1136
00:48:18,687 --> 00:48:22,608
[Mike chuckles]

1137
00:48:24,276 --> 00:48:26,361
I seen my buddy's
grandmother in court, man.

1138
00:48:26,445 --> 00:48:27,905
I ain't bullshitting, man.

1139
00:48:27,988 --> 00:48:29,990
You know the police
will lock you up for DUI.

1140
00:48:30,073 --> 00:48:31,533
I don't care how old you is.

1141
00:48:32,075 --> 00:48:34,494
I was in jail one time
and see my buddy's grandmother.

1142
00:48:34,578 --> 00:48:37,414
She's about 75. You know how
the women be going to court?

1143
00:48:37,497 --> 00:48:40,751
I've seen her being like this.
I said, "Hey, Miss Therese."

1144
00:48:40,834 --> 00:48:42,336
She said, "Oh hey, baby."

1145
00:48:42,419 --> 00:48:43,587
[crowd laughs]

1146
00:48:43,670 --> 00:48:45,547
I said, "What you doing in here?"

1147
00:48:45,631 --> 00:48:47,007
"Some bullshit."

1148
00:48:47,090 --> 00:48:50,469
[crowd roars, laughs]

1149
00:48:50,552 --> 00:48:53,472
She said, "I'll call you back
after everything's over."

1150
00:48:53,555 --> 00:48:56,141
[laughter continues]

1151
00:48:56,224 --> 00:49:00,228
[crowd titters]

1152
00:49:02,731 --> 00:49:05,525
I seen her two days later.
I said, "They ain't let you out?"

1153
00:49:05,609 --> 00:49:06,777
"No, baby."

1154
00:49:06,860 --> 00:49:08,487
[crowd laughs]

1155
00:49:08,570 --> 00:49:10,489
"Some stuff came up on me."

1156
00:49:10,572 --> 00:49:12,199
[crowd roars]

1157
00:49:12,699 --> 00:49:15,494
[crowd titters]

1158
00:49:16,328 --> 00:49:17,663
[crowd howls]

1159
00:49:18,330 --> 00:49:20,290
[chuckles]

1160
00:49:20,374 --> 00:49:23,335
You know how they do
that gun turn-in thing?

1161
00:49:23,418 --> 00:49:27,214
Like, they say, "Come on down,
bring in your gun. Stop the violence."

1162
00:49:27,965 --> 00:49:30,717
Man, I went down there one time, man.

1163
00:49:31,468 --> 00:49:34,638
As soon as I hand them people that gun,
"Get on the goddamn ground!"

1164
00:49:34,721 --> 00:49:36,640
I said, "Hey, what the fuck was that?"

1165
00:49:36,723 --> 00:49:40,102
"I just sat there
and watched y'all take nine guns."

1166
00:49:40,185 --> 00:49:43,563
[crowd laughs, cackles]

1167
00:49:43,647 --> 00:49:46,942
They was like, "You just used this
about ten minutes ago, nigga."

1168
00:49:47,025 --> 00:49:49,569
[crowd titters]

1169
00:49:50,112 --> 00:49:52,280
[crowd murmurs]

1170
00:49:54,658 --> 00:49:56,702
One of my buddies, man…
Rest in peace, man.

1171
00:49:56,785 --> 00:49:58,537
He was in prison, man,

1172
00:49:58,620 --> 00:50:01,707
his mother tried
to bring him some Jordans in prison.

1173
00:50:02,457 --> 00:50:06,420
So this lady about this tall
with some size 15s on, she walked in.

1174
00:50:06,503 --> 00:50:10,465
[crowd laughs]

1175
00:50:10,549 --> 00:50:13,385
They said, "If you don't take
them fucking shoes off…"

1176
00:50:13,468 --> 00:50:15,387
[laughter continues]

1177
00:50:15,470 --> 00:50:16,513
[woman howls]

1178
00:50:17,305 --> 00:50:19,599
[crowd titters]

1179
00:50:19,683 --> 00:50:21,309
She said, "I got the gout."

1180
00:50:21,393 --> 00:50:23,020
They said, "You going to jail…"

1181
00:50:23,103 --> 00:50:24,146
[crowd laughs]

1182
00:50:24,229 --> 00:50:26,189
"…if you don't take them skis off."

1183
00:50:26,273 --> 00:50:29,401
[crowd cackles, titters]

1184
00:50:29,484 --> 00:50:32,029
"You know damn well
them ain't your shoes."

1185
00:50:32,112 --> 00:50:35,866
[crowd chuckles]

1186
00:50:36,366 --> 00:50:39,161
I've seen Magic Johnson's son,
Tamar Braxton…

1187
00:50:39,244 --> 00:50:41,872
-I mean, EJ John…
-[crowd laughs]

1188
00:50:41,955 --> 00:50:44,541
-Okay, y'all stop now.
-[laughter continues]

1189
00:50:44,624 --> 00:50:48,795
[chuckles]

1190
00:50:48,879 --> 00:50:53,800
[crowd laughs, howls]

1191
00:50:54,301 --> 00:50:57,220
I need my little asthma thing,
my little pump.

1192
00:50:57,304 --> 00:50:59,181
Y'all know damn well they look alike.

1193
00:50:59,264 --> 00:51:02,809
Don't fucking act like I'm sitting there
picking on the motherfucker.

1194
00:51:02,893 --> 00:51:04,394
[crowd titters]

1195
00:51:05,520 --> 00:51:06,563
[woman cackles]

1196
00:51:07,355 --> 00:51:08,940
[crowd titters]

1197
00:51:10,609 --> 00:51:15,030
The value of pussy is much higher than
the value of some penis, I'm telling you.

1198
00:51:15,655 --> 00:51:17,491
You see a penis on the side of the road,

1199
00:51:17,574 --> 00:51:20,202
you'll see cars
just constantly keep hitting it.

1200
00:51:20,702 --> 00:51:21,578
[trilling]

1201
00:51:21,661 --> 00:51:22,537
"Fuck that shit."

1202
00:51:22,621 --> 00:51:25,248
[continues trilling]

1203
00:51:25,332 --> 00:51:26,958
[crowd laughs]

1204
00:51:27,042 --> 00:51:30,128
Unless a little gay guy sees it.
He'll go, "Oh, hold up!"

1205
00:51:30,212 --> 00:51:31,505
[laughter continues]

1206
00:51:31,588 --> 00:51:33,715
"Wait a minute!"

1207
00:51:33,799 --> 00:51:35,467
[laughter continues]

1208
00:51:36,176 --> 00:51:38,887
"What did I just see?"

1209
00:51:38,970 --> 00:51:40,263
[laughter continues]

1210
00:51:40,931 --> 00:51:44,434
[crowd titters]

1211
00:51:44,518 --> 00:51:45,519
[sighs]

1212
00:51:47,270 --> 00:51:50,482
You see a piece of pussy
on the side of the road, oh my God.

1213
00:51:51,191 --> 00:51:53,276
Gonna do a U-turn
in the middle of the street.

1214
00:51:53,360 --> 00:51:54,736
[mimics tires squealing]

1215
00:51:54,820 --> 00:51:56,655
Jump out, grab it. [blows]

1216
00:51:56,738 --> 00:51:58,240
[crowd laughs]

1217
00:51:58,323 --> 00:52:02,160
"Let me call you back. I just found
a pussy in front of Long John Silver's."

1218
00:52:02,244 --> 00:52:05,247
[laughter continues]

1219
00:52:05,747 --> 00:52:08,166
[crowd titters]

1220
00:52:08,667 --> 00:52:11,419
The lady whose pussy is missing
is walking around sad.

1221
00:52:11,503 --> 00:52:13,839
[quavers] "I can't believe
my pussy's missing."

1222
00:52:13,922 --> 00:52:15,632
[gasps, quavers]

1223
00:52:15,715 --> 00:52:17,259
"Oh God."

1224
00:52:17,342 --> 00:52:19,052
[crowd titters]

1225
00:52:19,553 --> 00:52:21,555
Putting up wanted signs and shit.

1226
00:52:21,638 --> 00:52:22,889
[crowd chuckles]

1227
00:52:22,973 --> 00:52:24,891
-The guy calls…
-[mimics phone ringing]

1228
00:52:24,975 --> 00:52:27,477
She answers the phone, "Hello?" [quavers]

1229
00:52:28,061 --> 00:52:30,147
"Yeah, are you the lady
who lost her pussy?"

1230
00:52:30,230 --> 00:52:31,314
[crowd cackles]

1231
00:52:31,398 --> 00:52:33,233
"Yes, it is. It's me."

1232
00:52:33,316 --> 00:52:34,317
[crowd titters]

1233
00:52:34,401 --> 00:52:36,611
"I got it." "Oh my God."

1234
00:52:37,112 --> 00:52:38,822
"Yep, I got your pussy over here."

1235
00:52:38,905 --> 00:52:40,240
[crowd chuckles]

1236
00:52:40,866 --> 00:52:43,451
"Yep. I'm going to let you know
I beat it up a bit."

1237
00:52:43,535 --> 00:52:45,745
[crowd laughs]

1238
00:52:47,164 --> 00:52:50,250
[crowd titters]

1239
00:52:50,333 --> 00:52:53,753
"Well, it ain't going to be
in the shape you had it when you had it."

1240
00:52:53,837 --> 00:52:55,505
[crowd roars]

1241
00:52:57,299 --> 00:52:59,551
[crowd titters]

1242
00:53:00,051 --> 00:53:02,762
"I lost that little ring
that was in it that came…"

1243
00:53:02,846 --> 00:53:05,765
"There was a little ring
at the tip of it, that came out."

1244
00:53:05,849 --> 00:53:07,934
-"I don't know where it went."
-[crowd howls]

1245
00:53:08,018 --> 00:53:10,061
"I don't know
if it went down the sink or what."

1246
00:53:10,145 --> 00:53:12,063
[crowd titters]

1247
00:53:13,315 --> 00:53:16,735
I think there's an age limit on oral sex.
Like, fuck that, nigga.

1248
00:53:16,818 --> 00:53:19,571
At a certain age, you ain't
supposed to be licking on nothing.

1249
00:53:19,654 --> 00:53:21,823
[crowd laughs]

1250
00:53:21,907 --> 00:53:24,409
'Cause if you do,
you going to taste the medicine in it.

1251
00:53:24,492 --> 00:53:28,163
[laughter continues]

1252
00:53:28,246 --> 00:53:31,082
You gonna lick down there
and taste some Metamucil.

1253
00:53:31,166 --> 00:53:34,294
[crowd roars, howls]

1254
00:53:35,170 --> 00:53:40,342
[crowd laughs, titters]

1255
00:53:41,134 --> 00:53:41,968
[chuckles]

1256
00:53:43,637 --> 00:53:45,513
[crowd titters]

1257
00:53:46,014 --> 00:53:48,308
See, I love Black people, man, 'cause we…

1258
00:53:48,391 --> 00:53:50,894
We do shit don't nobody do, man, you know?

1259
00:53:51,478 --> 00:53:53,063
Like, we box up shit.

1260
00:53:53,146 --> 00:53:55,273
[man chuckles]

1261
00:53:55,357 --> 00:53:56,900
I don't give a fuck where we go,

1262
00:53:56,983 --> 00:53:59,069
we taking something with us.

1263
00:53:59,152 --> 00:54:01,488
[crowd titters]

1264
00:54:01,988 --> 00:54:04,449
There'd be three wings left.
"Box all that up."

1265
00:54:04,532 --> 00:54:05,742
[crowd laughs]

1266
00:54:05,825 --> 00:54:07,285
"Put all that shit in that box."

1267
00:54:07,369 --> 00:54:10,121
"Put that with the celery,
all that, put all that in there."

1268
00:54:10,205 --> 00:54:11,331
[laughter continues]

1269
00:54:11,414 --> 00:54:14,668
The waiter would be like, "Why don't he
eat this shit? There's three wings left."

1270
00:54:14,751 --> 00:54:16,169
[laughter continues]

1271
00:54:16,253 --> 00:54:18,088
We like getting up with our underwear on

1272
00:54:18,171 --> 00:54:20,423
in front of the microwave
at 3:00 in the morning.

1273
00:54:20,507 --> 00:54:24,594
[mimics beeping tone]

1274
00:54:25,845 --> 00:54:26,721
"What you got?"

1275
00:54:26,805 --> 00:54:29,849
"I got them wings
from earlier when we went to the thing."

1276
00:54:29,933 --> 00:54:31,935
[beeping tone continues]

1277
00:54:32,018 --> 00:54:34,562
[crowd titters]

1278
00:54:34,646 --> 00:54:36,564
Y'all been watching The Upshaws?

1279
00:54:36,648 --> 00:54:39,734
[crowd cheers, applauds]

1280
00:54:39,818 --> 00:54:40,777
Yeah.

1281
00:54:40,860 --> 00:54:41,820
[woman cheers]

1282
00:54:41,903 --> 00:54:43,446
Everybody been watching it.

1283
00:54:43,947 --> 00:54:45,991
And I'm happy, you know what I mean?

1284
00:54:46,074 --> 00:54:47,951
Even the A-B-C-D-E-F-G

1285
00:54:48,034 --> 00:54:50,120
H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O-P community.

1286
00:54:50,203 --> 00:54:52,998
[crowd laughs]

1287
00:54:53,081 --> 00:54:55,083
[crowd cackles]

1288
00:54:55,166 --> 00:54:57,919
-They took all the letters, didn't they?
-[man] That's right!

1289
00:54:58,003 --> 00:55:00,046
[crowd titters]

1290
00:55:00,130 --> 00:55:02,465
I tell Black men all the time, man.

1291
00:55:03,550 --> 00:55:06,052
If you're homophobic,
you're hiding something.

1292
00:55:06,136 --> 00:55:07,971
[crowd titters]

1293
00:55:08,054 --> 00:55:09,097
Yeah.

1294
00:55:09,681 --> 00:55:13,643
It's always a red flag when you see
some guy mad at gay people.

1295
00:55:13,727 --> 00:55:15,103
[crowd murmurs]

1296
00:55:15,186 --> 00:55:17,397
Yeah. You're like, "Oh, wait a minute."

1297
00:55:17,480 --> 00:55:18,732
[crowd titters]

1298
00:55:18,815 --> 00:55:21,651
"That anger is stemming from somewhere."

1299
00:55:21,735 --> 00:55:23,236
[crowd laughs]

1300
00:55:24,821 --> 00:55:26,406
Come on out, live free.

1301
00:55:26,489 --> 00:55:28,575
[laughter continues]

1302
00:55:28,658 --> 00:55:30,577
You don't have to live in pain like that.

1303
00:55:30,660 --> 00:55:32,078
[light clapping]

1304
00:55:32,162 --> 00:55:34,831
Don't give a fuck what nobody thinks,
be who you are.

1305
00:55:36,416 --> 00:55:38,168
Just do that shit over there.

1306
00:55:38,251 --> 00:55:41,004
[crowd roars, laughs]

1307
00:55:41,504 --> 00:55:42,756
[crowd titters]

1308
00:55:42,839 --> 00:55:46,468
But for real, I had a friend, man.
He was a drug dealer, man.

1309
00:55:46,551 --> 00:55:48,636
There was gay guys
across the street from him.

1310
00:55:48,720 --> 00:55:51,306
He was mean as hell to the gay dudes.

1311
00:55:51,806 --> 00:55:53,808
For real. If they just looked at him,

1312
00:55:53,892 --> 00:55:56,227
he was like,
"What the fuck you looking at?"

1313
00:55:56,311 --> 00:55:58,897
I was like, "Wow, he's just mean to them."

1314
00:55:58,980 --> 00:56:01,649
So one night,
he got in a shootout with somebody.

1315
00:56:02,150 --> 00:56:03,193
And they shot him up.

1316
00:56:03,276 --> 00:56:04,736
[mimics machine gun fire]

1317
00:56:04,819 --> 00:56:06,988
And he crawled to his front door,

1318
00:56:07,072 --> 00:56:08,615
but he fell unconscious.

1319
00:56:09,366 --> 00:56:12,410
And when he came to,
he was in the hospital.

1320
00:56:12,494 --> 00:56:15,622
This is a true story,
all his family was around, they was all…

1321
00:56:15,705 --> 00:56:18,333
He was like, "Boy, God is good."
They was like, "Yeah, man,

1322
00:56:18,416 --> 00:56:20,877
if it weren't for the neighbors,
you wouldn't be here."

1323
00:56:20,960 --> 00:56:23,004
He was like, "What?"
They was like, "Yeah."

1324
00:56:23,671 --> 00:56:26,424
"The two gay guys
saved your life across the street."

1325
00:56:26,508 --> 00:56:28,134
[crowd titters]

1326
00:56:28,218 --> 00:56:30,428
Like, "For real?" They was like, "Yes."

1327
00:56:30,929 --> 00:56:32,472
[crowd murmurs]

1328
00:56:32,555 --> 00:56:35,517
He's like, "Can I ask you a question?
How did they save me?"

1329
00:56:35,600 --> 00:56:40,105
[crowd laughs]

1330
00:56:40,188 --> 00:56:42,107
[laughter continues]

1331
00:56:42,190 --> 00:56:44,067
"Several ways, they saved you."

1332
00:56:44,150 --> 00:56:45,777
[laughter continues]

1333
00:56:47,404 --> 00:56:51,032
"They gave you mouth-to-mouth
resuscitation for 30 minutes."

1334
00:56:51,116 --> 00:56:52,200
[woman] What?

1335
00:56:52,283 --> 00:56:53,368
[chuckles]

1336
00:56:53,451 --> 00:56:55,328
[crowd titters]

1337
00:56:55,412 --> 00:56:59,165
"They said you was bleeding from inside.
They had to put their finger in your ass…"

1338
00:56:59,249 --> 00:57:01,543
-[crowd howls]
-"…to stop the bleeding."

1339
00:57:01,626 --> 00:57:03,586
[crowd cackles]

1340
00:57:05,422 --> 00:57:08,425
"We still don't know
if it was a finger that they used."

1341
00:57:08,508 --> 00:57:10,093
[crowd laughs]

1342
00:57:11,136 --> 00:57:14,514
[crowd titters]

1343
00:57:15,014 --> 00:57:15,932
[inhales]

1344
00:57:16,015 --> 00:57:18,935
He said, "I'm going to kill them
when I get out." [laughs]

1345
00:57:19,018 --> 00:57:20,145
[crowd laughs]

1346
00:57:21,271 --> 00:57:25,275
[crowd titters, cackles]

1347
00:57:25,358 --> 00:57:27,735
"Them two motherfuckers are dead!"

1348
00:57:27,819 --> 00:57:29,863
[crowd laughs]

1349
00:57:30,572 --> 00:57:32,866
"Nigga, they saved your life."

1350
00:57:32,949 --> 00:57:34,617
[crowd titters]

1351
00:57:34,701 --> 00:57:37,829
Y'all give it up for Deion Sanders, y'all.
Deion Sanders, man.

1352
00:57:37,912 --> 00:57:39,873
[crowd cheers, applauds]

1353
00:57:39,956 --> 00:57:41,958
I'm happy for Prime Time.

1354
00:57:42,041 --> 00:57:43,543
[crowd] Yeah!

1355
00:57:43,626 --> 00:57:45,587
Yeah, man, that's good to see a brother…

1356
00:57:45,670 --> 00:57:48,339
He came all the way
from an HBCU, man, and just…

1357
00:57:48,423 --> 00:57:50,091
-[man] Yeah!
-You know?

1358
00:57:50,175 --> 00:57:53,511
Winning them games,
Lil Wayne, everybody coming out.

1359
00:57:53,595 --> 00:57:56,055
That's a beautiful celebration,
man, you know.

1360
00:57:56,556 --> 00:57:59,851
Man, but he just ain't
the same Prime, you know?

1361
00:57:59,934 --> 00:58:02,604
'Cause that little
half a Kunta Kinte foot he got…

1362
00:58:02,687 --> 00:58:03,521
[crowd roars]

1363
00:58:03,605 --> 00:58:05,815
He'd be out there, "Throw the ball!"

1364
00:58:05,899 --> 00:58:06,774
"Throw the ball!"

1365
00:58:06,858 --> 00:58:07,942
"Throw the ball!"

1366
00:58:08,026 --> 00:58:11,571
[crowd laughs, howls]

1367
00:58:12,071 --> 00:58:13,573
[crowd cackles]

1368
00:58:13,656 --> 00:58:15,909
He can't even do his dance right no more.

1369
00:58:15,992 --> 00:58:19,579
[crowd laughs, groans]

1370
00:58:20,079 --> 00:58:25,168
[crowd cackles, howls]

1371
00:58:26,127 --> 00:58:27,962
Them little two toes is gone.

1372
00:58:28,046 --> 00:58:30,006
[crowd laughs]

1373
00:58:30,089 --> 00:58:31,424
[crowd titters]

1374
00:58:31,508 --> 00:58:33,134
He gonna kill me for this.

1375
00:58:33,218 --> 00:58:35,303
[crowd laughs]

1376
00:58:36,429 --> 00:58:39,807
I've been talking about
all these guys being sellouts.

1377
00:58:39,891 --> 00:58:40,892
Kevin Hart,

1378
00:58:42,101 --> 00:58:44,562
Will Smith, Jamie Foxx.

1379
00:58:44,646 --> 00:58:45,855
I've been calling…

1380
00:58:45,939 --> 00:58:48,900
Tom Hanks, all them niggas.
I've been calling all them.

1381
00:58:48,983 --> 00:58:51,778
[crowd laughs]

1382
00:58:51,861 --> 00:58:55,365
[crowd titters]

1383
00:58:55,448 --> 00:58:58,826
I've been calling
all of them sellouts for years.

1384
00:58:59,577 --> 00:59:01,704
'Cause they… I said it. They sold out.

1385
00:59:01,788 --> 00:59:03,998
They did whatever it took
to get that money.

1386
00:59:04,082 --> 00:59:05,667
-They sold out.
-[woman] Yeah!

1387
00:59:05,750 --> 00:59:07,252
[crowd titters]

1388
00:59:07,335 --> 00:59:08,336
But now…

1389
00:59:08,419 --> 00:59:10,004
[crowd laughs]

1390
00:59:10,088 --> 00:59:11,798
I'm getting a little older, y'all.

1391
00:59:11,881 --> 00:59:13,883
[laughter continues]

1392
00:59:14,384 --> 00:59:16,219
[crowd titters]

1393
00:59:16,302 --> 00:59:19,389
Being a real nigga
is not paying like I thought it was.

1394
00:59:19,472 --> 00:59:20,348
[crowd laughs]

1395
00:59:20,431 --> 00:59:22,141
I think I'm ready to sell out.

1396
00:59:22,225 --> 00:59:23,518
[laughter continues]

1397
00:59:23,601 --> 00:59:25,812
I'm Mike Epps. I love y'all, Phoenix.

1398
00:59:25,895 --> 00:59:27,397
[crowd cheers, whistles]

1399
00:59:27,480 --> 00:59:29,274
Phoenix, Arizona!

1400
00:59:29,357 --> 00:59:31,359
[cheers, whistles continue]

1401
00:59:31,442 --> 00:59:35,780
[upbeat funk music plays]

1402
00:59:39,450 --> 00:59:41,411
[music continues]