1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000
Downloaded from
YTS.MX
2
00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000
Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX
3
00:00:41,737 --> 00:00:46,307
♪ This little light of mine ♪
4
00:00:46,307 --> 00:00:52,052
♪ I'm gonna let it shine ♪
5
00:00:52,052 --> 00:00:53,923
♪ This little light of mine ♪
6
00:00:53,923 --> 00:00:58,101
Let me tell you
a story. It's a story about me.
7
00:00:58,101 --> 00:01:01,191
My stories have made you cry.
My stories have made you shout.
8
00:01:01,191 --> 00:01:04,586
My stories have even made you
turn your life around.
9
00:01:04,586 --> 00:01:08,024
But this is a story
about how it all began.
10
00:01:08,024 --> 00:01:09,156
Feeling very blessed today.
11
00:01:09,156 --> 00:01:10,896
My name is Taylor Pherry.
12
00:01:10,896 --> 00:01:14,204
Feeling very blessed today.
Look how blessed I feel.
13
00:01:14,204 --> 00:01:17,077
Now you've seen my movies
and watched my TV shows.
14
00:01:18,339 --> 00:01:19,296
That's okay.
15
00:01:19,296 --> 00:01:20,950
But before all that,
16
00:01:20,950 --> 00:01:23,518
I was what you might
call an entrepreneur...
17
00:01:23,518 --> 00:01:24,693
Not it.
18
00:01:24,693 --> 00:01:25,694
a jack of all trades,
19
00:01:25,694 --> 00:01:26,999
a captain of industry.
20
00:01:26,999 --> 00:01:28,175
My baby.
21
00:01:28,175 --> 00:01:30,568
And a lover of fine cars.
22
00:01:30,568 --> 00:01:33,005
By day, I judiciously defend
the innocent...
23
00:01:33,005 --> 00:01:35,486
Damnit. Case closed.
24
00:01:35,486 --> 00:01:37,314
while making emergency
house call surgeries.
25
00:01:37,314 --> 00:01:39,577
Stand back, doctors.
26
00:01:39,577 --> 00:01:41,927
I am a doctor, and
I don't need another doctor
27
00:01:41,927 --> 00:01:46,323
telling me how to be doctoring.
Oh, this patient dead.
28
00:01:46,323 --> 00:01:49,370
Then after my luxury hotel
and engineering firm meetings,
29
00:01:49,370 --> 00:01:51,937
I make time for some
zero-emission food delivery
30
00:01:51,937 --> 00:01:53,025
to keep myself in touch...
31
00:01:53,025 --> 00:01:54,114
Grossmates!
32
00:01:54,114 --> 00:01:55,202
with common people.
33
00:01:55,202 --> 00:01:57,769
Ah, here you are, sir.
34
00:01:57,769 --> 00:02:00,816
- What? This is it?
- That'll be $75.
35
00:02:00,816 --> 00:02:02,296
But to truly understand
36
00:02:02,296 --> 00:02:04,036
how I became
the entertainment titan,
37
00:02:04,036 --> 00:02:07,083
you all know today, we need to
start at the beginning.
38
00:02:07,083 --> 00:02:10,608
And the beginning began
with Hoprah Windfall.
39
00:02:10,608 --> 00:02:15,874
I'm a little disappointed
that my 27th slave movie
40
00:02:15,874 --> 00:02:18,616
didn't fare well at
the box office.
41
00:02:18,616 --> 00:02:20,792
I mean, I'm sure you
all liked it, right?
42
00:02:27,582 --> 00:02:34,545
Whatever. Anyway, I still
have my show, my magazine.
43
00:02:34,545 --> 00:02:36,156
I have my school in Africa,
44
00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:39,028
and of course,
Dr. Bill and Dr. Loz.
45
00:02:41,030 --> 00:02:46,905
But the time has come
for me to find a successor,
46
00:02:46,905 --> 00:02:48,646
someone to carry the torch,
47
00:02:48,646 --> 00:02:51,562
someone who embodies
the intelligence and power
48
00:02:51,562 --> 00:02:54,696
needed for the betterment
of all strong women.
49
00:02:54,696 --> 00:03:00,005
God willing,
I shall find my successor!
50
00:03:04,271 --> 00:03:06,229
Hoprah was
on a mission,
51
00:03:06,229 --> 00:03:08,100
but little did we know,
52
00:03:08,100 --> 00:03:10,886
someone else was looking to
reinspire hope and faith
53
00:03:10,886 --> 00:03:12,583
in the masses as well.
54
00:03:12,583 --> 00:03:15,107
And this is where our story
truly begins.
55
00:03:20,591 --> 00:03:26,293
If I rule the world,
I do... everything.
56
00:03:29,861 --> 00:03:33,691
Whoo! Drive
through to heaven!
57
00:03:33,691 --> 00:03:36,477
Angel 1: Where the hell is God?
He still ain't here.
58
00:03:36,477 --> 00:03:38,348
He still ain't answering
none of our prayers, man.
59
00:03:38,348 --> 00:03:40,568
It's Sunday, so you know
He's gonna take all day.
60
00:03:40,568 --> 00:03:42,352
Angel 2: I mean, He may be late,
but He's always on time.
61
00:03:42,352 --> 00:03:44,441
Angel 1: He was on time
when He took my Granny.
62
00:03:44,441 --> 00:03:47,488
Oh, you know what? Sometimes,
I just have to swear to me.
63
00:03:47,488 --> 00:03:50,621
Good me almighty!
Just rolling through the clouds.
64
00:03:50,621 --> 00:03:52,057
This is usually my day of rest,
65
00:03:52,057 --> 00:03:54,059
but, uh, I'm feeling
like something.
66
00:03:54,059 --> 00:03:58,760
Hashtag Holy Davidson!
Holy Davidson!
67
00:03:58,760 --> 00:04:00,718
I'm coming. I'm on my way.
68
00:04:00,718 --> 00:04:02,154
- Oh, shit. God's here.
- Let's get to the meeting.
69
00:04:02,154 --> 00:04:03,634
Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!
70
00:04:03,634 --> 00:04:05,070
Y'all better have
something good for me.
71
00:04:05,070 --> 00:04:06,246
'Cause you know what?
That's right.
72
00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:12,948
G-O-D! G-O-D! G-O-D!
73
00:04:14,297 --> 00:04:16,430
I'm pissed.
The hell is going on?
74
00:04:16,430 --> 00:04:18,083
Is that what this is about, huh?
75
00:04:18,083 --> 00:04:20,477
Pitch meeting
over some unanswered prayers?
76
00:04:28,311 --> 00:04:29,791
Tell y'all,
y'all owe me right now.
77
00:04:29,791 --> 00:04:31,445
Y'all had me watching that...
78
00:04:31,445 --> 00:04:34,883
uh, uh, uh... "Held Up."
79
00:04:34,883 --> 00:04:36,580
The little fella,
uh, uh, Jamie Foxx
80
00:04:36,580 --> 00:04:39,670
with that hairline,
it was all over the place.
81
00:04:39,670 --> 00:04:41,193
That hairline, that teeth.
82
00:04:41,193 --> 00:04:43,587
- My bad.
- Shit, held up my time.
83
00:04:45,067 --> 00:04:47,504
I'mma start snatching wings.
84
00:04:47,504 --> 00:04:50,681
I'm just kidding.
You can keep your wings.
85
00:04:53,858 --> 00:04:55,382
For now.
86
00:04:55,382 --> 00:04:57,601
Ching, ching! Ching, ching!
Ching, ching!
87
00:04:57,601 --> 00:05:00,561
- Oh!
- You know what?
88
00:05:00,561 --> 00:05:03,346
I was thinking that we can erase
the Will Smith Oscar slap.
89
00:05:03,346 --> 00:05:04,913
Mmm.
- I agree.
90
00:05:04,913 --> 00:05:07,045
- Mmm. Great guy. Great idea.
- I like that.
91
00:05:07,045 --> 00:05:08,917
But-- but he did, boy, that was
a hell of a slap, though.
92
00:05:08,917 --> 00:05:11,702
He slapped three jokes outta
that motherfucker, didn't he?
93
00:05:11,702 --> 00:05:13,269
- Dang!
- He did.
94
00:05:13,269 --> 00:05:16,011
Come on, man. Come on, man.
95
00:05:16,011 --> 00:05:18,143
Slapped the funny out of him.
96
00:05:18,143 --> 00:05:21,538
- Is that good?
- That was good.
97
00:05:21,538 --> 00:05:24,236
- Well, what about reparations?
- Mmm.
98
00:05:24,236 --> 00:05:25,716
- Hey, that works, right?
- Yeah.
99
00:05:25,716 --> 00:05:28,632
Lemme think about that.
300,000 apiece. Mm-hmm.
100
00:05:28,632 --> 00:05:31,635
Uh, but then after the BBLs,
after the Cristal,
101
00:05:31,635 --> 00:05:33,158
after the Jordans, everything,
what'd that leave you?
102
00:05:33,158 --> 00:05:35,422
Like $1,700?
103
00:05:35,422 --> 00:05:38,163
Carry the one.
Nah, we ain't gonna do that.
104
00:05:38,163 --> 00:05:40,514
So they made it this far,
this long, they can do it.
105
00:05:40,514 --> 00:05:41,776
These Black people
gonna have to figure out
106
00:05:41,776 --> 00:05:42,907
a different way.
107
00:05:44,518 --> 00:05:46,563
Oh, is that too much?
108
00:05:46,563 --> 00:05:50,393
Is that too much? I just wanted
to see how it played out.
109
00:05:50,393 --> 00:05:55,267
How about a beautiful,
intelligent female president
110
00:05:55,267 --> 00:05:56,530
next election?
111
00:05:56,530 --> 00:05:57,966
Angel 3: Great.
- Go on, with yourself.
112
00:05:57,966 --> 00:06:00,403
I can work with that,
but listen,
113
00:06:00,403 --> 00:06:02,840
don't let the house
secretary do the hair
114
00:06:02,840 --> 00:06:05,321
'cause "weave"
got a long way to go.
115
00:06:05,321 --> 00:06:06,409
True.
116
00:06:06,409 --> 00:06:08,150
I saw where you went with that.
117
00:06:08,150 --> 00:06:10,239
Come on now. Come on.
118
00:06:10,239 --> 00:06:12,241
Hey, you ain't laughing.
Don't get cast down.
119
00:06:14,548 --> 00:06:16,288
You know what
I did to Beelzebub.
120
00:06:26,690 --> 00:06:29,432
Well, wait, what if we do
a Kardashian show
121
00:06:29,432 --> 00:06:31,826
Angel 4: with Tristan and Khloe
called "All My Side Children"?
122
00:06:31,826 --> 00:06:33,393
- What y'all think?
- That's a great idea.
123
00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:36,874
Oh, my God. Oh my me.
124
00:06:36,874 --> 00:06:39,268
Y'all like that?
Y'all like that, huh?
125
00:06:39,268 --> 00:06:41,401
I don't like it. You go to hell!
126
00:06:43,141 --> 00:06:45,056
- Oh, damn. Damn.
- Ooh.
127
00:06:45,056 --> 00:06:50,932
No, I'm sorry!
It was fat-ass Petey's pitch!
128
00:06:54,283 --> 00:06:58,418
When new angels start falling,
I know you need me.
129
00:06:58,418 --> 00:07:03,292
Well, [laughs] I gotta roll.
Meeting's over. Mmm.
130
00:07:03,292 --> 00:07:07,035
I gotta go save the world.
Alright. Y'all carry on.
131
00:07:07,035 --> 00:07:08,123
Angel 5: That's God.
132
00:07:15,173 --> 00:07:17,393
Hey, Hoprah,
what's going on?
133
00:07:17,393 --> 00:07:21,353
What do you mean what's going
on? You're not watching my show?
134
00:07:21,353 --> 00:07:24,966
I need you to find
someone who is worthy...
135
00:07:24,966 --> 00:07:26,663
of continuing my legacy.
136
00:07:26,663 --> 00:07:29,536
- What'd you say?
- You heard what I said.
137
00:07:29,536 --> 00:07:33,453
You find a hero for us women
or you're canceled.
138
00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:35,455
And tell Jesus to call me back!
139
00:07:36,717 --> 00:07:38,022
Huh?
140
00:07:40,416 --> 00:07:42,766
It's hard being God, man.
141
00:07:42,766 --> 00:07:45,247
That ain't gonna be
no easy task, even for Him.
142
00:07:59,217 --> 00:08:01,002
And so
God's search began
143
00:08:01,002 --> 00:08:03,613
for someone who could
carry Hoprah's torch,
144
00:08:03,613 --> 00:08:06,007
and empower the women
of the world.
145
00:08:06,007 --> 00:08:09,358
But we all know that whenever
God gives an assignment,
146
00:08:09,358 --> 00:08:11,926
the devil always tries
to get in the way
147
00:08:11,926 --> 00:08:14,189
and block your blessing.
148
00:08:14,189 --> 00:08:16,974
I'll tell you, I don't know
who the hell He thinks He is.
149
00:08:16,974 --> 00:08:18,759
I'm going to screw
this whole plan up.
150
00:08:29,509 --> 00:08:31,336
This is
my auntie, MaDude.
151
00:08:31,336 --> 00:08:33,469
MaDude: Bring your ancient ass
down here and eat now.
152
00:08:33,469 --> 00:08:35,993
If God can use her,
God can use anybody.
153
00:08:35,993 --> 00:08:38,430
I can't be late today.
Taylor coming by.
154
00:08:38,430 --> 00:08:41,042
And I'mma need your help
to get this barbecue together.
155
00:08:41,042 --> 00:08:43,000
Bring your old ass down here.
156
00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:44,393
Who the hell you calling old?
157
00:08:44,393 --> 00:08:46,395
Oh, you been sitting
here for 10 days.
158
00:08:46,395 --> 00:08:47,788
Well, hell, I was
calling your ass old.
159
00:08:47,788 --> 00:08:49,529
You answered to it,
is you dumb too?
160
00:08:49,529 --> 00:08:50,965
Know damn well
I ain't old. Gee, no.
161
00:08:50,965 --> 00:08:52,488
MaDude: And what
the hell you got
162
00:08:52,488 --> 00:08:53,533
all this shit hooked
up to you for, anyway?
163
00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:54,969
Hell, I need all this shit.
164
00:08:54,969 --> 00:08:56,405
This shit right here
is keeping me alive.
165
00:08:56,405 --> 00:08:57,711
That's my little oxygen tank
right there
166
00:08:57,711 --> 00:08:59,016
so I don't have to
smell you all day.
167
00:08:59,016 --> 00:09:00,757
Got my little pump over there.
168
00:09:00,757 --> 00:09:02,454
This shit right here is
about to kill me.
169
00:09:02,454 --> 00:09:03,978
But what the hell you wanna
stay alive for anyway?
170
00:09:03,978 --> 00:09:05,675
Shit, you old as hell.
171
00:09:05,675 --> 00:09:07,155
I ain't too old to know
terrible cooking when I see it.
172
00:09:07,155 --> 00:09:08,504
The hell you done made?
173
00:09:08,504 --> 00:09:09,810
Boy, that's some,
that's some eggs,
174
00:09:09,810 --> 00:09:11,246
and some chicken and some--
175
00:09:11,246 --> 00:09:13,901
The hell you got
a fried breast implant in here?
176
00:09:13,901 --> 00:09:15,076
You ain't supposed to have
feathers in the damn eggs.
177
00:09:15,076 --> 00:09:16,599
No way! Look at that.
178
00:09:16,599 --> 00:09:17,861
MaDude: Boy, that is seasoning,
you old kook.
179
00:09:17,861 --> 00:09:19,254
That's what that is.
180
00:09:21,256 --> 00:09:23,475
Seasoning my... I ain't seen
no, not a Lawry's on here,
181
00:09:23,475 --> 00:09:26,304
not a spec of salt or pepper.
Now, what is this?
182
00:09:26,304 --> 00:09:28,785
Got a damn chicken foot up in
here. Look, it got two of 'em.
183
00:09:28,785 --> 00:09:31,005
Look at this, look, with
the nails on it and everything.
184
00:09:31,005 --> 00:09:33,747
Well, ain't you heard that every
good chef put their foot in it?
185
00:09:33,747 --> 00:09:35,966
Oh, Lord, it stink too,
just like you.
186
00:09:35,966 --> 00:09:38,316
Boy, I swear I want to kill
your ass right here.
187
00:09:38,316 --> 00:09:39,361
I just wanna step on your face.
188
00:09:39,361 --> 00:09:40,362
You know, woman
189
00:09:40,362 --> 00:09:41,755
you a deadly combination
190
00:09:41,755 --> 00:09:44,018
of ugly and dumb equally.
191
00:09:44,018 --> 00:09:45,497
Hell, now, where you
trying to run off to
192
00:09:45,497 --> 00:09:46,803
with your little ugly ass
dress on?
193
00:09:46,803 --> 00:09:48,239
- Taylor is coming to help me.
- Who?
194
00:09:48,239 --> 00:09:50,285
Taylor is your son, now.
You know your son--
195
00:09:50,285 --> 00:09:52,417
Oh, hell, shit. You know how he
ain't my son. You know why?
196
00:09:52,417 --> 00:09:54,028
'Cause the boy is delicate.
197
00:09:54,028 --> 00:09:56,421
I'm so tired of you talking
about your son Taylor like that.
198
00:09:56,421 --> 00:09:57,858
That's my favorite nephew.
199
00:09:57,858 --> 00:09:59,424
Ain't nobody in
my family delicate but him.
200
00:09:59,424 --> 00:10:01,035
MaDude: Just 'cause
the Black man is educated,
201
00:10:01,035 --> 00:10:03,298
keep himself clean,
or well groomed,
202
00:10:03,298 --> 00:10:05,866
looking nice don't mean
that he is delicate.
203
00:10:05,866 --> 00:10:07,737
The boy is, uh, eclectic.
204
00:10:07,737 --> 00:10:09,696
He ain't no damn eclectic.
I know eclectic.
205
00:10:09,696 --> 00:10:11,828
Hell,
Patti LaBelle was eclectic.
206
00:10:11,828 --> 00:10:13,047
Plus, I don't even think
he my son.
207
00:10:13,047 --> 00:10:14,309
You know what?
208
00:10:14,309 --> 00:10:15,527
Waiting for the results
from Maury.
209
00:10:15,527 --> 00:10:17,355
- He ain't my damn son.
- I swear.
210
00:10:17,355 --> 00:10:19,357
I swear. You know what? You
should just go ahead and die.
211
00:10:19,357 --> 00:10:20,924
MaDude: Just get
it on over with.
212
00:10:20,924 --> 00:10:22,709
Hell, your-- your penis
done passed away already--
213
00:10:22,709 --> 00:10:24,536
You keep my penis out
your mouth now.
214
00:10:24,536 --> 00:10:26,800
Hell, talking about my penis,
my penis is just fine.
215
00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:29,237
Long as I got my,
what you call it, Niagra?
216
00:10:29,237 --> 00:10:30,978
My, my... The Lavitra.
217
00:10:30,978 --> 00:10:32,806
And Cialis. I'm good to go.
That's what they tell me.
218
00:10:32,806 --> 00:10:34,024
Where the hell you good
to go to, the clinic?
219
00:10:34,024 --> 00:10:35,504
- Hell...
- The ED clinic?
220
00:10:35,504 --> 00:10:38,376
No, I got the libido
of a 25-year-old man.
221
00:10:38,376 --> 00:10:41,771
Spell libido. I'll give you $5.
Go ahead and do it.
222
00:10:41,771 --> 00:10:43,860
- L...
- That's what I thought.
223
00:10:43,860 --> 00:10:45,949
I'm done talking to your old
ass. Eat that damn food, boy.
224
00:10:48,735 --> 00:10:51,389
As you'll see,
my true life's purpose
225
00:10:51,389 --> 00:10:53,565
had not yet been revealed.
226
00:10:53,565 --> 00:10:57,395
But that all changed the day I
was put on the righteous path.
227
00:10:57,395 --> 00:10:59,746
The day my destiny began.
228
00:10:59,746 --> 00:11:02,531
The day I met God.
229
00:11:04,228 --> 00:11:05,403
Ooh!
230
00:11:10,887 --> 00:11:15,762
Man. What should we use today?
231
00:11:15,762 --> 00:11:18,460
Let's see saints and sinners,
ooh, that look nice.
232
00:11:23,987 --> 00:11:27,164
I could have swore I seen... No.
233
00:11:28,426 --> 00:11:29,906
Boy, I must be going crazy.
234
00:11:35,564 --> 00:11:40,961
Now, I know I did not leave that
TV on, and why is it staticky?
235
00:11:40,961 --> 00:11:42,702
Doesn't I pay the bill?
This must be HD.
236
00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:45,400
Taylor Pherry,
how am I doing?
237
00:11:45,400 --> 00:11:47,358
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
238
00:11:47,358 --> 00:11:50,231
- Very perceptive, my son.
- Oh, my God. Oh, oh, my God.
239
00:11:50,231 --> 00:11:54,714
Relax, relax, relax.
Dude, chill out.
240
00:11:54,714 --> 00:11:56,803
Are you really God?
241
00:11:56,803 --> 00:11:58,761
Ah, don't tell me you was
expecting Jim Carrey
242
00:11:58,761 --> 00:12:00,110
or something.
243
00:12:00,110 --> 00:12:01,895
Well, M-- Morgan Freeman, actually.
244
00:12:01,895 --> 00:12:03,853
You know he play
in all the pictures.
245
00:12:03,853 --> 00:12:06,813
Morgan Free... Man,
I ain't no Morgan Freeman.
246
00:12:06,813 --> 00:12:08,771
Now listen,
you know Hoprah, right?
247
00:12:08,771 --> 00:12:10,033
Yeah.
248
00:12:10,033 --> 00:12:11,339
Well, she needs
to find someone
249
00:12:11,339 --> 00:12:13,080
that can empower
the women of the world,
250
00:12:13,080 --> 00:12:17,867
and I need your help because
my son, you are blessed.
251
00:12:19,086 --> 00:12:22,002
God said I was blessed.
252
00:12:22,002 --> 00:12:24,744
Mmm. Am I highly favored too?
253
00:12:27,659 --> 00:12:32,142
Okay. I have lost my mind.
I'm crazy.
254
00:12:32,142 --> 00:12:34,449
Judge Loreal: You, sir,
are going to have to learn
255
00:12:34,449 --> 00:12:36,146
how to respect Black women.
256
00:12:36,146 --> 00:12:38,061
Coming in all times
of the night,
257
00:12:38,061 --> 00:12:41,499
assaulting her because she
found out about your affairs.
258
00:12:41,499 --> 00:12:44,676
But Your Honor,
I didn't have an affair.
259
00:12:44,676 --> 00:12:47,244
I'm not even, like, married.
260
00:12:47,244 --> 00:12:49,029
Judge Loreal:
You didn't have an affair?
261
00:12:49,029 --> 00:12:51,945
What do you call all those girls
from the music video, huh?
262
00:12:51,945 --> 00:12:54,338
I don't do music videos.
263
00:12:54,338 --> 00:12:56,166
So you get 'em on
the casting couch?
264
00:12:56,166 --> 00:12:58,125
Judge Loreal: Hit it,
then quit it, right?
265
00:12:58,125 --> 00:13:01,389
No, I've never met these women
before. I don't even sing.
266
00:13:01,389 --> 00:13:04,696
Well, you're a man that's been
accused. That makes you guilty.
267
00:13:04,696 --> 00:13:08,700
Three years.
Case closed. Next case.
268
00:13:08,700 --> 00:13:10,311
I'm getting locked up
for something I didn't even do.
269
00:13:12,052 --> 00:13:14,924
Court calls Roland Lewis.
270
00:13:14,924 --> 00:13:18,623
Guilty.
Case closed. Next case.
271
00:13:18,623 --> 00:13:20,451
But-- but I'm a white man
wearing a suit.
272
00:13:20,451 --> 00:13:22,192
Get your ass out my courtroom.
273
00:13:22,192 --> 00:13:24,368
Should have a chance
to defend myself.
274
00:13:24,368 --> 00:13:26,893
Court calls Darnell Evans
and Ellen Evans.
275
00:13:31,767 --> 00:13:33,638
Are you okay, cousin?
You nervous?
276
00:13:33,638 --> 00:13:36,946
No, not at all. I'm happy I'm
getting a divorce from that bum.
277
00:13:36,946 --> 00:13:40,645
Look at him with those ugly,
skinny ass white women.
278
00:13:40,645 --> 00:13:42,212
Just no asses at all.
279
00:13:42,212 --> 00:13:43,997
- Okay, come on.
- Okay.
280
00:13:43,997 --> 00:13:46,042
Here we are, Your Honor.
We're right here.
281
00:13:46,042 --> 00:13:48,392
Well, hey there,
Counselor Fairy.
282
00:13:48,392 --> 00:13:53,006
It's actually pronounced Harry,
Your Honor. Taylor Pherry.
283
00:13:53,006 --> 00:13:56,270
Oh, I, [laughs] I always
thought it was fairy.
284
00:13:56,270 --> 00:13:59,229
It's-- it's called Harry.
The P is silent.
285
00:13:59,229 --> 00:14:02,145
Oh, okay. You got that, Mary?
286
00:14:02,145 --> 00:14:04,365
Yes, Your Honor.
His P don't work.
287
00:14:04,365 --> 00:14:06,541
I duly noted, Mr. "Harry".
288
00:14:10,762 --> 00:14:13,853
Mr. Evans, who are these women?
289
00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:15,593
Well, you see, Your Honor,
290
00:14:15,593 --> 00:14:18,727
this right here is Karen,
and this one right here,
291
00:14:18,727 --> 00:14:23,166
this is Karen, and that one
right there, her name is Karen.
292
00:14:23,166 --> 00:14:26,822
These are my publicists
from the KKK and associates.
293
00:14:29,085 --> 00:14:31,479
They don't look like
publicists to me.
294
00:14:31,479 --> 00:14:33,002
Well, you see, Your Honor,
295
00:14:33,002 --> 00:14:34,699
these are the women
who gave me the money
296
00:14:34,699 --> 00:14:36,266
to pay for my lawyers.
297
00:14:36,266 --> 00:14:41,358
That's what white women do.
They pay for shit.
298
00:14:41,358 --> 00:14:44,057
- That's all they can do.
- Okay. Okay.
299
00:14:44,057 --> 00:14:46,668
Well, after
carefully reviewing this case,
300
00:14:46,668 --> 00:14:48,931
I have made a decision.
301
00:14:48,931 --> 00:14:52,892
Your wife who has been
by your side since day one.
302
00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:54,328
Day one.
303
00:14:54,328 --> 00:14:56,504
She put you through
college, law school,
304
00:14:56,504 --> 00:14:59,463
and stood by your side
through thick and thin.
305
00:14:59,463 --> 00:15:01,509
And if this strong woman
306
00:15:01,509 --> 00:15:06,209
can stand by your sorry,
no-good bum ass,
307
00:15:06,209 --> 00:15:09,952
then she deserves to get half
of all of your possessions.
308
00:15:09,952 --> 00:15:11,432
Half?
309
00:15:11,432 --> 00:15:13,869
I gotta give up
one and a half of my Karens?
310
00:15:13,869 --> 00:15:16,089
- Half, girlfriend.
- Half?
311
00:15:16,089 --> 00:15:17,699
Oh, hell no.
312
00:15:20,006 --> 00:15:21,398
♪ Judge said half ♪
313
00:15:21,398 --> 00:15:22,965
♪ Yes, she did ♪
314
00:15:22,965 --> 00:15:24,445
♪ Judge said half ♪
315
00:15:24,445 --> 00:15:26,099
♪ Yes, she did ♪
316
00:15:26,099 --> 00:15:27,404
♪ Judge said half ♪
317
00:15:27,404 --> 00:15:29,189
♪ Yes, she did ♪
318
00:15:29,189 --> 00:15:32,975
♪ Judge said half,
judge said half ♪
319
00:15:32,975 --> 00:15:34,542
♪ Judge said half ♪
320
00:15:34,542 --> 00:15:36,326
♪ Not one percent but half ♪
321
00:15:36,326 --> 00:15:37,675
♪ Judge said half ♪
322
00:15:37,675 --> 00:15:39,242
♪ Not two percent but half ♪
323
00:15:39,242 --> 00:15:41,462
♪ Judge said half ♪
324
00:15:41,462 --> 00:15:44,726
♪ Judge said half,
judge said half ♪
325
00:15:44,726 --> 00:15:45,945
♪ Judge said half ♪
326
00:15:54,388 --> 00:15:56,172
Told your ass about them
damn cigarettes, I did.
327
00:15:56,172 --> 00:15:57,913
- Trying to kill yourself.
- Don't you worry about me.
328
00:15:57,913 --> 00:15:59,871
I'mma smoke as much as
I damn please. Hell.
329
00:15:59,871 --> 00:16:01,873
- They my lungs.
- Mm-hmm.
330
00:16:01,873 --> 00:16:03,919
That's why I got these
little backup ones over here.
331
00:16:03,919 --> 00:16:05,442
Got two brand
new lungs in there.
332
00:16:05,442 --> 00:16:08,054
I used to have, uh,
a lamb's heart somewhere,
333
00:16:08,054 --> 00:16:09,490
but I can't seem to
locate it nowhere.
334
00:16:09,490 --> 00:16:11,318
I swear you the nastiest,
335
00:16:11,318 --> 00:16:13,494
ooh, you just the nastiest,
nastiest thing I ever seen.
336
00:16:13,494 --> 00:16:14,886
I don't know why the hell
I let you live with me.
337
00:16:14,886 --> 00:16:16,627
I don't-- I don't know why.
338
00:16:16,627 --> 00:16:18,064
Because you think you gon'
get my money when I'm gone.
339
00:16:18,064 --> 00:16:19,717
- That's right.
- Oh, oh, I'mma get your money!
340
00:16:19,717 --> 00:16:21,458
And I'mma donate
your brain to science
341
00:16:21,458 --> 00:16:24,200
and then I'm gonna get Moe's
money, Moe's money, Moe's money.
342
00:16:24,200 --> 00:16:25,985
Till they find out
your brain ain't worth no money,
343
00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:27,638
no money, no money.
344
00:16:27,638 --> 00:16:29,466
You think you got jokes?
You know what you gon' get?
345
00:16:29,466 --> 00:16:31,729
You gon' get
this gas money.
346
00:16:31,729 --> 00:16:33,514
Take that with you.
Take that gas money with you.
347
00:16:33,514 --> 00:16:35,820
- That's what you gon' get.
- Oh, goddamn you nasty as hell.
348
00:16:35,820 --> 00:16:37,300
That's all you gon' to get. Ooh!
349
00:16:41,217 --> 00:16:42,436
Who the hell is this?
MaDude: That's Taylor, fool.
350
00:16:42,436 --> 00:16:44,046
Look at this boy, here.
351
00:16:44,046 --> 00:16:47,093
6'8" and driving
a damn Mazda Miata.
352
00:16:47,093 --> 00:16:50,661
What? He ought to be
ashamed of his damn self.
353
00:16:50,661 --> 00:16:51,967
And does he look like a man
354
00:16:51,967 --> 00:16:53,186
that could throw
a 10-yard pass to you?
355
00:16:53,186 --> 00:16:54,404
You know what,
you gon' pass away
356
00:16:54,404 --> 00:16:55,971
if you don't watch your mouth.
357
00:16:55,971 --> 00:16:58,539
You ever seen a shark belch?
358
00:16:58,539 --> 00:17:00,628
I seen a, a dinosaur belch.
359
00:17:00,628 --> 00:17:02,195
Well, I have
and I'mma see it again
360
00:17:02,195 --> 00:17:03,674
if you don't watch
your mouth,
361
00:17:03,674 --> 00:17:05,111
MaDude: and stop smoking
them damn cigarettes.
362
00:17:05,111 --> 00:17:06,329
Don't you worry about me
and my damn cigarettes.
363
00:17:06,329 --> 00:17:08,114
Get my house all messed up.
364
00:17:08,114 --> 00:17:11,508
Hey, baby, come on over here.
Oh, that's disgusting.
365
00:17:11,508 --> 00:17:13,293
You ain't supposed to be kissing
your own child in the mouth.
366
00:17:13,293 --> 00:17:16,035
- What the hell y'all doing?
- That is your son.
367
00:17:16,035 --> 00:17:17,514
- Hell it is.
- Dad!
368
00:17:17,514 --> 00:17:18,907
Well, hell, they must have
tricked me.
369
00:17:18,907 --> 00:17:20,474
I took my money down,
I said, "Look,
370
00:17:20,474 --> 00:17:23,216
gimme two pit bull puppies."
Came back with this one.
371
00:17:23,216 --> 00:17:24,478
I thought you were
supposed to be in court?
372
00:17:24,478 --> 00:17:26,306
- What you doing here?
- We won.
373
00:17:26,306 --> 00:17:28,743
But, MaDude, I need you
to come with me right now.
374
00:17:28,743 --> 00:17:30,005
We gotta get to the house.
375
00:17:30,005 --> 00:17:31,311
- Ellen needs your help.
- Oh!
376
00:17:31,311 --> 00:17:32,660
- We gotta go.
- Well, hell, let's go!
377
00:17:32,660 --> 00:17:34,096
Let's go. Come on. Yeah.
378
00:17:34,096 --> 00:17:36,577
Get your big ass out this house.
Now, I can see the TV.
379
00:17:36,577 --> 00:17:37,969
Smell better in here already.
380
00:17:37,969 --> 00:17:40,537
You gotta put on
your seatbelt.
381
00:17:40,537 --> 00:17:43,236
Oh, damn, boy. I got
my knees up to my titties.
382
00:17:43,236 --> 00:17:44,759
It's the law.
383
00:17:44,759 --> 00:17:46,152
Boy, you better worry
about your damn self.
384
00:17:46,152 --> 00:17:47,718
This matchbox ass car.
385
00:17:47,718 --> 00:17:48,806
Oh, you know,
I love this car.
386
00:17:48,806 --> 00:17:51,244
It's tiny, sleek and powerful.
387
00:17:51,244 --> 00:17:53,811
Sends a tingling sensation
up my spine.
388
00:17:53,811 --> 00:17:56,901
I got a tiny little version
of this in my nightstand too.
389
00:17:56,901 --> 00:18:00,992
She do all the good things,
works all the areas real good.
390
00:18:00,992 --> 00:18:06,302
You know, this morning,
right before court, God told me
391
00:18:06,302 --> 00:18:08,826
I'm supposed to empower
all the women of the world.
392
00:18:08,826 --> 00:18:12,917
Oh damn, boy. With all your
jobs, God got you pimping too?
393
00:18:12,917 --> 00:18:14,963
I mean, God came to me
and he told me that
394
00:18:14,963 --> 00:18:17,748
that he wants me to empower
the women of the world.
395
00:18:17,748 --> 00:18:19,533
Wait, what?
396
00:18:19,533 --> 00:18:21,361
MaDude: Boy, I swear
something ain't right with you
397
00:18:21,361 --> 00:18:23,189
and we're gonna pray on it.
398
00:18:23,189 --> 00:18:24,277
Oo-wee!
399
00:18:28,846 --> 00:18:31,980
MaDude: Boy, you're going too
fast. Slow down now. Slow down!
400
00:18:31,980 --> 00:18:33,329
MaDude: Shit, my wig!
- Oh!
401
00:18:34,591 --> 00:18:36,202
- Good God.
- Wow!
402
00:18:36,202 --> 00:18:38,421
Boy. You got me out here
looking like the Dora Milaje.
403
00:18:38,421 --> 00:18:40,119
You done cost me
another damn wig.
404
00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:41,424
Well, use one of mine.
405
00:18:42,773 --> 00:18:43,861
Here you go.
406
00:18:45,602 --> 00:18:47,387
The hell you got a wig for, boy?
407
00:18:47,387 --> 00:18:49,563
I'm a Boy Scout.
I'm always prepared.
408
00:18:49,563 --> 00:18:51,652
When God said empower,
409
00:18:51,652 --> 00:18:53,915
I bet he was
talking about Ellen.
410
00:18:53,915 --> 00:18:56,091
Well, MaDude, thank you so much
411
00:18:56,091 --> 00:18:57,745
for coming to
help me get my things.
412
00:18:57,745 --> 00:18:59,703
Listen, I'm a little nervous.
It might get violent.
413
00:18:59,703 --> 00:19:01,749
Oh, that's okay. Violence is my
Tinder name baby. Let's go.
414
00:19:01,749 --> 00:19:03,751
Okay, let's go.
415
00:19:03,751 --> 00:19:05,318
If anything goes down,
I got your bail money.
416
00:19:05,318 --> 00:19:07,102
Yeah. So I was saying...
417
00:19:07,102 --> 00:19:10,627
MaDude's gonna now take care of
this. What the hell is this?
418
00:19:10,627 --> 00:19:12,325
Is this Shaka Zulu
interior design?
419
00:19:12,325 --> 00:19:15,632
- You came back to cry?
- No!
420
00:19:15,632 --> 00:19:17,504
I bet you when you leave here,
421
00:19:17,504 --> 00:19:21,247
you gon' go tell all the Black
women that Darnell ain't shit.
422
00:19:21,247 --> 00:19:24,250
But guess what?
You right. Darnell ain't shit.
423
00:19:24,250 --> 00:19:26,426
- Get your ass out my house.
- Hell nah.
424
00:19:26,426 --> 00:19:28,471
- She ain't going nowhere.
- MaDude, mind your business.
425
00:19:28,471 --> 00:19:29,994
'Cause I'll fight a woman
426
00:19:29,994 --> 00:19:31,866
if that's what
your big ass really is.
427
00:19:31,866 --> 00:19:36,175
Oh, okay. Come on Lil Achi.
You feeling froggy? Come on, leap.
428
00:19:36,175 --> 00:19:40,483
Okay. Okay. No. Okay, listen.
Peace. Let's try peace y'all.
429
00:19:40,483 --> 00:19:44,183
No, girl. Peace don't work. Hell
nah. The judge, she said half.
430
00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:45,880
I'm about to whoop her big ass.
431
00:19:45,880 --> 00:19:47,577
What are doing,
MaDude? No, no, no.
432
00:19:47,577 --> 00:19:50,014
- And we gonna start right here.
- No, MaDude.
433
00:19:54,628 --> 00:19:56,369
Whoo! What else needs to be cut?
434
00:19:56,369 --> 00:19:57,805
- Come on over here.
- No, no!
435
00:19:57,805 --> 00:19:59,850
Oh, yeah, this
Shaka Zulu shit got to go!
436
00:20:01,635 --> 00:20:03,419
Why would you do that?
437
00:20:03,419 --> 00:20:05,247
Oh, now, what is this ugly ass
shit you got on this wall?
438
00:20:05,247 --> 00:20:06,814
This the Monique Lisa? Yeah.
439
00:20:06,814 --> 00:20:08,424
That's a ugly monstrosity
you don't want that?
440
00:20:08,424 --> 00:20:10,774
I ain't cutting that shit
for you. This TV though.
441
00:20:12,733 --> 00:20:15,039
Look at that, ooh!
Why would you do that?
442
00:20:15,039 --> 00:20:17,694
Oh, now, this here. This
definitely needs to get cut.
443
00:20:17,694 --> 00:20:19,435
Now look at that.
444
00:20:19,435 --> 00:20:20,654
Lord, I'm gonna pray
for you, MaDude.
445
00:20:20,654 --> 00:20:22,438
Girl, you ain't
gotta pray for me.
446
00:20:22,438 --> 00:20:24,179
You gotta pray for his ass
if he don't get out my way.
447
00:20:24,179 --> 00:20:26,225
- Anything in here you want?
- Don't touch the closet, don't.
448
00:20:26,225 --> 00:20:27,835
I need to get
some things outta there.
449
00:20:27,835 --> 00:20:30,403
Oh, no! Oh, my.
- Girl. What's in this kitchen?
450
00:20:30,403 --> 00:20:32,056
- You hungry?
- MaDude, no!
451
00:20:32,056 --> 00:20:34,145
The judge said half,
your ass is gonna get half.
452
00:20:35,625 --> 00:20:37,061
Look at that. Damn!
453
00:20:37,061 --> 00:20:40,195
You know, I can't have this,
I'm on keto.
454
00:20:40,195 --> 00:20:42,719
Now look here, I might have
flunked out of beauty school,
455
00:20:42,719 --> 00:20:45,287
but not before I learned
a few tips.
456
00:20:45,287 --> 00:20:47,289
That's right.
457
00:20:47,289 --> 00:20:50,640
- Look at that. Look at that.
- Wait, wait, wait. MaDude, no!
458
00:20:50,640 --> 00:20:52,642
I'm the best barber
you ever saw.
459
00:20:52,642 --> 00:20:54,078
Ooh, girl, I did a good job.
460
00:20:54,078 --> 00:20:55,515
Hell, maybe you can
get you a man now.
461
00:20:55,515 --> 00:20:57,908
Edward Scissorhands
ain't got shit on me.
462
00:20:57,908 --> 00:21:00,998
Ah! He's gonna
get so mad at me.
463
00:21:00,998 --> 00:21:04,175
MaDude. Wait a minute, will ya?
464
00:21:04,175 --> 00:21:08,136
Now that is what you call
a haircut. Oo-wee!
465
00:21:08,136 --> 00:21:09,659
MaDude: I ain't seen
an edge that straight
466
00:21:09,659 --> 00:21:10,747
since Meg Thee Stallion.
467
00:21:12,575 --> 00:21:15,665
That's the cops? Shit, I already
got two strikes. I gotta go.
468
00:21:15,665 --> 00:21:17,885
Girl, I ain't got time
to do your mustache. Next time.
469
00:21:17,885 --> 00:21:19,147
Ha!
470
00:21:21,715 --> 00:21:24,108
Lord Jesus.
471
00:21:24,108 --> 00:21:26,285
When God said
he wanted me to empower women,
472
00:21:26,285 --> 00:21:28,156
I'm not sure
he meant like this.
473
00:21:28,156 --> 00:21:30,158
- Darnell.
- What?
474
00:21:30,158 --> 00:21:33,335
I don't care what the judge
says. I still love you.
475
00:21:33,335 --> 00:21:34,467
I don't care
that you slept with my sister.
476
00:21:34,467 --> 00:21:36,251
Now I got a daughter-niece.
477
00:21:36,251 --> 00:21:38,993
I don't care that you gave me
the crotch critters twice.
478
00:21:38,993 --> 00:21:40,516
I don't care about any of that.
479
00:21:40,516 --> 00:21:43,040
Damn woman.
You don't care about nothing?
480
00:21:43,040 --> 00:21:45,042
No, I just wanna have your baby.
481
00:21:45,042 --> 00:21:47,001
You've been my husband
for 11 years.
482
00:21:47,001 --> 00:21:48,698
And I've been cheating
on you for 12.
483
00:21:48,698 --> 00:21:51,135
- But I love you.
- And I don't love you.
484
00:21:51,135 --> 00:21:55,052
- We can make this work out.
- No, you gon' be moving out.
485
00:21:55,052 --> 00:21:57,141
How could you do this to me?
486
00:21:57,141 --> 00:22:00,580
How could I do what, huh? Watch
out, Karen. How can I do what?
487
00:22:00,580 --> 00:22:02,495
This? Huh?
488
00:22:04,584 --> 00:22:10,024
- Not today, sucka. Yah!
- Oh, shit. What the hell?
489
00:22:10,024 --> 00:22:12,592
- All I did was love you.
- Oh, no, don't do this.
490
00:22:12,592 --> 00:22:14,507
- I told you!
- Why you doing this to me?
491
00:22:14,507 --> 00:22:17,423
Another dead body moving
through the oval.
492
00:22:17,423 --> 00:22:20,164
And another one.
I was a good woman.
493
00:22:20,164 --> 00:22:22,166
You had this coming,
you had this coming.
494
00:22:22,166 --> 00:22:23,646
I can't believe it.
495
00:22:26,649 --> 00:22:28,521
Why you doing this to me?
496
00:22:28,521 --> 00:22:30,653
Help! Help!
497
00:22:30,653 --> 00:22:35,092
I can't... [stuttering] Tsu--
Tsunami. I can't swim, girl.
498
00:22:35,092 --> 00:22:37,486
Oh, just stand up, stupid.
499
00:22:40,054 --> 00:22:43,057
Oh! Damn it.
500
00:22:43,057 --> 00:22:45,668
I'm 'bout to whoop your ass.
501
00:22:45,668 --> 00:22:47,670
Empowerment comes
in many forms.
502
00:22:47,670 --> 00:22:49,542
I guess.
503
00:22:49,542 --> 00:22:51,631
One thing I can say
about my cousin Ellen,
504
00:22:53,197 --> 00:22:54,895
when one man was gone,
505
00:22:54,895 --> 00:22:56,940
another man was right
around the corner
506
00:22:58,464 --> 00:23:00,901
and he kinda seemed similar.
507
00:23:00,901 --> 00:23:06,907
♪ Hey lady
Do you need a ride? ♪
508
00:23:08,125 --> 00:23:10,040
Where you come from?
509
00:23:10,040 --> 00:23:16,307
♪ The Lord sends me to places
I'm supposed to be ♪
510
00:23:16,307 --> 00:23:17,787
I'm an angel.
511
00:23:17,787 --> 00:23:20,703
Why do you sound like
a R&B Auto-Tune singer?
512
00:23:20,703 --> 00:23:23,880
You see, girl, this is my
regular seductive voice
513
00:23:23,880 --> 00:23:26,274
and T-Pain is
my play step-daddy.
514
00:23:26,274 --> 00:23:29,233
I don't get in
the car with strangers.
515
00:23:30,974 --> 00:23:32,193
Hold that thought.
516
00:23:37,241 --> 00:23:41,550
Does this body look
strange to you?
517
00:23:41,550 --> 00:23:44,640
Airbrushed, maybe,
but I guess not strange.
518
00:23:45,685 --> 00:23:47,730
The name's Tallahassee.
519
00:23:47,730 --> 00:23:50,646
Not to be confused with Orlando.
520
00:23:50,646 --> 00:23:54,389
Now, we not strangers no more.
So do yourself a favor, girl.
521
00:23:54,389 --> 00:23:56,609
Get on in this truck
and let me ride you
522
00:23:56,609 --> 00:23:58,306
to wherever you need to go.
523
00:23:58,306 --> 00:24:00,177
I got nowhere to go.
524
00:24:02,397 --> 00:24:04,138
I swear to God, he try me,
525
00:24:04,138 --> 00:24:06,270
I'mma whip
his little fragile ass.
526
00:24:06,270 --> 00:24:12,233
Yeah, come on girl.
I got you. I got you. I got you.
527
00:24:12,233 --> 00:24:16,193
Come on. Get up in this truck.
Get up in this truck.
528
00:24:16,193 --> 00:24:18,152
Get up in this truck.
529
00:24:18,152 --> 00:24:20,850
Okay.
530
00:24:20,850 --> 00:24:23,113
Watch your bunions, girl.
531
00:24:23,113 --> 00:24:24,463
I don't know why I'm doing this.
532
00:24:24,463 --> 00:24:25,899
Body never fails me.
533
00:24:25,899 --> 00:24:29,642
I don't
even know this man.
534
00:24:29,642 --> 00:24:30,817
Alright.
535
00:24:32,427 --> 00:24:33,559
Alright.
536
00:24:35,125 --> 00:24:36,649
Do me a favor,
537
00:24:36,649 --> 00:24:37,954
steer for me, baby.
538
00:24:37,954 --> 00:24:41,175
My name's not baby, it's Ellen.
539
00:24:41,175 --> 00:24:43,873
Okay, well, since
you're not gonna do it,
540
00:24:43,873 --> 00:24:47,703
I'm gonna have to go ahead
and get my workout right here.
541
00:24:47,703 --> 00:24:50,358
You see most people got guns.
542
00:24:50,358 --> 00:24:52,795
I got dogs.
543
00:24:52,795 --> 00:24:56,016
Okay, listen. My godmother
lives all the way across town.
544
00:24:56,016 --> 00:24:57,713
Uh-huh. It's all good.
545
00:24:57,713 --> 00:24:59,585
My godmother
live over there too.
546
00:24:59,585 --> 00:25:01,543
I'm just gonna run by
my crib right quick
547
00:25:01,543 --> 00:25:04,677
and then I'm gonna ride you
all the way there.
548
00:25:04,677 --> 00:25:07,244
- Oh, oh!
- Yeah.
549
00:25:07,244 --> 00:25:10,378
Thank you so much
for doing all this for me.
550
00:25:10,378 --> 00:25:12,206
Yeah, it's all good.
551
00:25:12,206 --> 00:25:15,383
You know I do have
rather large areolas.
552
00:25:15,383 --> 00:25:17,777
- Yeah, they are large.
- Yeah.
553
00:25:17,777 --> 00:25:20,388
It might be all those sexy
steroids I be taking.
554
00:25:23,173 --> 00:25:25,088
You got to excuse me.
555
00:25:25,088 --> 00:25:29,266
Sometimes I turn myself on.
556
00:25:29,266 --> 00:25:32,008
Are you... You-- you--
you gotta be kidding me.
557
00:25:36,099 --> 00:25:38,319
Ready to go?
558
00:25:38,319 --> 00:25:40,016
I ain't got nowhere else to go.
559
00:25:41,540 --> 00:25:43,846
You in for the time
of your life, girl.
560
00:25:43,846 --> 00:25:45,587
So don't you
worry about nothing.
561
00:25:45,587 --> 00:25:47,720
You better make it
happen, yeah.
562
00:25:47,720 --> 00:25:48,677
Oh, my God.
563
00:25:50,897 --> 00:25:53,290
Right here, baby. Here's
a special drink I made for you.
564
00:25:53,290 --> 00:25:55,641
I drink it all the time. That's
how I look the way I look.
565
00:25:55,641 --> 00:25:57,164
- Okay.
- Yeah.
566
00:25:57,164 --> 00:25:58,557
- You see I put bananas in it.
- Uh-huh.
567
00:25:58,557 --> 00:26:00,036
Most people just use the banana.
568
00:26:00,036 --> 00:26:03,213
- I use the banana and the peel.
- Oh, okay.
569
00:26:03,213 --> 00:26:05,651
I also use a little bit of
Red Bull. It gives you wings.
570
00:26:05,651 --> 00:26:06,739
I don't, I don't wanna fly.
571
00:26:06,739 --> 00:26:08,392
Yeah, you do just a little bit.
572
00:26:08,392 --> 00:26:10,656
I put a little bit of coke
in it without the can.
573
00:26:10,656 --> 00:26:12,440
No, no, no. [stuttering] Okay.
574
00:26:12,440 --> 00:26:16,096
And, mmm. Okay, oh.
575
00:26:16,096 --> 00:26:17,880
There you go, baby.
It'll do your body right.
576
00:26:19,578 --> 00:26:21,971
Um, you know, I want
some real food,
577
00:26:21,971 --> 00:26:23,451
you know, like Waffle House
578
00:26:23,451 --> 00:26:25,235
or White Castle
something, anything.
579
00:26:25,235 --> 00:26:26,759
- Not this.
- No, no, no, no, no.
580
00:26:26,759 --> 00:26:27,977
- You don't want that crap.
- I do.
581
00:26:27,977 --> 00:26:29,762
You see this here, right here.
582
00:26:29,762 --> 00:26:32,503
It's gonna help get rid
of ya lady lumps.
583
00:26:32,503 --> 00:26:35,550
Uh, excuse me. That is not
how you talk to a lady.
584
00:26:35,550 --> 00:26:38,118
Uh, excuse me.
585
00:26:38,118 --> 00:26:41,121
But I don't expect we are here
to do much talking now, are we?
586
00:26:42,296 --> 00:26:44,907
I guess you right.
587
00:26:44,907 --> 00:26:46,648
You damn right I'm right.
588
00:26:46,648 --> 00:26:48,737
Now we just gonna tighten
that up and tighten that up,
589
00:26:48,737 --> 00:26:52,001
little dat. Tighten it up,
and you'll be as tight as me.
590
00:26:52,001 --> 00:26:54,308
I don't wanna look like you.
591
00:26:54,308 --> 00:26:55,875
I just need you to
relax and trust me,
592
00:26:55,875 --> 00:26:57,572
and let me do
my thing. Hands up.
593
00:27:06,712 --> 00:27:08,191
Ooh. Ah!
594
00:27:13,283 --> 00:27:15,982
You like my stick, you like
my magic stick, don't you?
595
00:27:19,899 --> 00:27:23,076
You ready for the new you?
Spin around for me.
596
00:27:25,556 --> 00:27:27,689
Woo-wee! Damn. I'm good.
597
00:27:27,689 --> 00:27:29,386
Come on and check
yourself out, girl.
598
00:27:29,386 --> 00:27:32,172
Come on over to the window
and look at yourself.
599
00:27:32,172 --> 00:27:35,131
- Voila.
- Damn. I do look good.
600
00:27:35,131 --> 00:27:39,048
You do, but I look better.
601
00:27:39,048 --> 00:27:42,051
- Oh, no. I look better.
- Oh, hell no. I look better.
602
00:27:48,057 --> 00:27:51,670
Look at them biceps, girl.
Oh, shit. Where we going?
603
00:27:51,670 --> 00:27:53,628
Damn.
604
00:27:53,628 --> 00:27:55,761
You do know my areolas
won first place
605
00:27:55,761 --> 00:27:59,286
in the Mr. America pageant.
Damn, girl.
606
00:27:59,286 --> 00:28:00,591
Shut up and take it like a man.
607
00:28:00,591 --> 00:28:01,680
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
608
00:28:01,680 --> 00:28:03,116
I didn't know you was gon' go
609
00:28:03,116 --> 00:28:04,683
all "Fifty Shades of Grey"
on a brother.
610
00:28:04,683 --> 00:28:06,380
You do know that's
white people shit, right?
611
00:28:06,380 --> 00:28:09,165
Shut your ass up.
612
00:28:09,165 --> 00:28:11,515
- What the hell is that?
- My electric toothbrush.
613
00:28:11,515 --> 00:28:13,909
You ain't about to use
a toothbrush on my ass.
614
00:28:13,909 --> 00:28:16,085
I'm about to use
this toothbrush up your ass.
615
00:28:16,085 --> 00:28:18,261
- No, you ain't.
- Yes, I am!
616
00:28:18,261 --> 00:28:20,089
Hell no!
617
00:28:23,614 --> 00:28:25,747
Can't believe she
done tied my hair up.
618
00:28:28,663 --> 00:28:31,797
- What you still doing in bed?
- Oh, come on. Let me go.
619
00:28:31,797 --> 00:28:33,799
Oh, you want a little more
before I go.
620
00:28:33,799 --> 00:28:36,018
No, I want you to
untie me so I can go.
621
00:28:36,018 --> 00:28:40,153
- Oh, you been bad?
- No. What's wrong with you?
622
00:28:40,153 --> 00:28:41,807
What the heck? Ow! Ow!
623
00:28:41,807 --> 00:28:43,591
- Say my name!
- Evil?
624
00:28:43,591 --> 00:28:44,897
- That's not my name.
- Crazy?
625
00:28:44,897 --> 00:28:46,115
- That's not my name.
- Deranged?
626
00:28:46,115 --> 00:28:48,335
Say my name. Boy, say my name.
627
00:28:48,335 --> 00:28:50,424
I thought you was a Christian.
628
00:28:50,424 --> 00:28:52,165
Helluur. Y'all better
eat this food now.
629
00:28:52,165 --> 00:28:53,732
Coming from a family
630
00:28:53,732 --> 00:28:55,342
of professionals and
non-professionals,
631
00:28:55,342 --> 00:28:57,344
our family is just like
any other.
632
00:28:57,344 --> 00:28:59,215
What you got,
Sly and the Family Stone?
633
00:28:59,215 --> 00:29:00,608
If you
really look for it,
634
00:29:00,608 --> 00:29:02,175
finding empowerment of women
635
00:29:02,175 --> 00:29:04,133
can even be found
at our family barbecue.
636
00:29:04,133 --> 00:29:05,961
Black, what the hell
is you doing?
637
00:29:05,961 --> 00:29:08,224
MaDude: I swear to God if you
make my meat as black as you is,
638
00:29:08,224 --> 00:29:09,791
we're gonna have problems.
639
00:29:09,791 --> 00:29:12,359
I-- I'm trying to make me
some crispy ribs.
640
00:29:12,359 --> 00:29:14,448
I am the king
of Atlanta barbecuing.
641
00:29:14,448 --> 00:29:15,928
Who told you that lie, mothersucker?
642
00:29:15,928 --> 00:29:18,408
Oh, oh, this how
I make my living.
643
00:29:18,408 --> 00:29:20,410
I can tell, that's why your
ass is broke as hell
644
00:29:20,410 --> 00:29:22,151
with them Ronald McDonald Socks.
645
00:29:22,151 --> 00:29:25,589
Don't burn my meat. Hey,
everybody. Y'all looking good.
646
00:29:25,589 --> 00:29:28,288
You looking good today.
647
00:29:28,288 --> 00:29:31,378
I'mma show you how to do it
up in here. I need more.
648
00:29:33,119 --> 00:29:35,121
Whoo!
649
00:29:35,121 --> 00:29:37,297
In Atlanta they make it flame.
650
00:29:37,297 --> 00:29:39,647
- Whoo!
- The hell you doing over here?
651
00:29:39,647 --> 00:29:41,475
Oh, Lord. Here comes
the Grinch that stole ugly.
652
00:29:41,475 --> 00:29:43,172
I know you ain't calling
nobody ugly.
653
00:29:43,172 --> 00:29:45,087
MaDude: You about as pretty as
a murder scene.
654
00:29:45,087 --> 00:29:46,741
Well, can you even see
them damn dominoes?
655
00:29:46,741 --> 00:29:48,177
Know your ass can't count.
656
00:29:48,177 --> 00:29:49,788
Look, they used to
call her lowenbrau.
657
00:29:49,788 --> 00:29:51,485
One nipple was low.
The other one had a eyebrow.
658
00:29:51,485 --> 00:29:53,313
Boy, I should have
killed you in your crib
659
00:29:53,313 --> 00:29:55,184
when you was born. I don't know
why the hell we let you live.
660
00:29:59,406 --> 00:30:01,843
Help! Help me! Help me!
661
00:30:01,843 --> 00:30:05,194
Take this, domino, you summa
bitches. Game over.
662
00:30:05,194 --> 00:30:07,893
- Help me! Help me!
- You lost again.
663
00:30:07,893 --> 00:30:09,808
Well, look at this crispy
nigga over here.
664
00:30:09,808 --> 00:30:12,245
- Help me, help me!
- Ain't that something.
665
00:30:12,245 --> 00:30:17,032
Boy, stop, drop and roll, nigga.
Stop, drop and roll!
666
00:30:17,032 --> 00:30:19,687
Boy, don't be trying to burn up
my grass, now what you doing?
667
00:30:19,687 --> 00:30:21,297
I think you better save
that for the meat.
668
00:30:21,297 --> 00:30:22,646
It's hot as hell out here
669
00:30:22,646 --> 00:30:23,691
and he's trying to
burn up the grass.
670
00:30:23,691 --> 00:30:25,562
This some good water? Boy...
671
00:30:27,260 --> 00:30:29,262
In the name of the father.
672
00:30:29,262 --> 00:30:31,307
Always doing the Lord's work.
673
00:30:31,307 --> 00:30:34,354
I believe family
also means familiar,
674
00:30:34,354 --> 00:30:35,921
and God knows why
I'm saying that.
675
00:30:35,921 --> 00:30:37,618
I taste like bacon.
676
00:30:37,618 --> 00:30:39,272
You look good.
677
00:30:39,272 --> 00:30:41,970
Girl, I look great, but
I didn't wanna look this good.
678
00:30:41,970 --> 00:30:44,712
- No, why not?
- Oh, I look like a hoochie.
679
00:30:44,712 --> 00:30:46,453
- A hoochie mama, for real?
- Yes.
680
00:30:46,453 --> 00:30:48,455
I don't think so. I think
you're taking it too far.
681
00:30:48,455 --> 00:30:52,067
No, he took it too far.
Girl, I actually got hips.
682
00:30:52,067 --> 00:30:54,113
- You do.
- And my butt sits too high.
683
00:30:54,113 --> 00:30:55,592
- It does.
- Yeah.
684
00:30:55,592 --> 00:30:58,030
And if he think
he gonna keep changing my body
685
00:30:58,030 --> 00:31:00,597
for his likings,
he's got another thing coming.
686
00:31:00,597 --> 00:31:02,991
I guess God wants me to
learn about female empowerment
687
00:31:02,991 --> 00:31:04,514
before I can be empowering.
688
00:31:04,514 --> 00:31:07,126
Hey, Black, now I know
as big as your ass is
689
00:31:07,126 --> 00:31:08,170
you know how to make
some chicken.
690
00:31:08,170 --> 00:31:09,563
- I do.
- Come on now.
691
00:31:09,563 --> 00:31:11,173
I like my chicken
without salmonella.
692
00:31:11,173 --> 00:31:15,308
Now are these chicken breast
or it's your breast?
693
00:31:15,308 --> 00:31:17,397
Is you slow in the head?
Somebody hit you?
694
00:31:17,397 --> 00:31:19,921
Bitch, that is chicken
and you better make it right.
695
00:31:19,921 --> 00:31:21,880
Hey, girls, how y'all doing?
I'm so glad y'all here, ladies.
696
00:31:21,880 --> 00:31:23,533
Y'all good? Y'all feeling good?
697
00:31:23,533 --> 00:31:25,361
Ooh, sure is a nice day
for a picnic.
698
00:31:25,361 --> 00:31:29,061
Yeah, it's all for me, her, her,
her. All of us.
699
00:31:29,061 --> 00:31:31,759
Darnell, I know you didn't bring
700
00:31:31,759 --> 00:31:33,935
them ugly ass Karens
up to my cookout.
701
00:31:33,935 --> 00:31:35,545
MaDude: Boy, I can barely
stand your ass anyway.
702
00:31:35,545 --> 00:31:36,895
You better get them away
from my grill.
703
00:31:36,895 --> 00:31:39,288
I seen more ass on a snake.
704
00:31:39,288 --> 00:31:42,639
Come on girls. MaDude's tripping
and she's packing.
705
00:31:42,639 --> 00:31:44,163
That's right,
you better get them girls
706
00:31:44,163 --> 00:31:45,642
MaDude: away from my damn grill.
707
00:31:45,642 --> 00:31:46,992
Bro. Come on Karens.
MaDude: Come on now.
708
00:31:46,992 --> 00:31:48,167
Y'all ain't moving
fast enough for me.
709
00:31:48,167 --> 00:31:49,646
Gets it moving. Chop, chop.
710
00:31:49,646 --> 00:31:51,561
I don't ever wanna
see, taste, touch,
711
00:31:51,561 --> 00:31:53,737
talk, walk, do nothing
with that girl, man.
712
00:31:53,737 --> 00:31:54,695
Man, it couldn't have been
that bad.
713
00:31:54,695 --> 00:31:56,001
Oh, it was.
714
00:31:56,001 --> 00:31:57,524
But you have those
wonderful abs.
715
00:31:57,524 --> 00:31:58,873
She must've been
everything you needed.
716
00:31:58,873 --> 00:32:01,397
- Man, that's what I thought.
- Wow.
717
00:32:01,397 --> 00:32:02,877
Oh. Here's-- here's
my cousin. Ellen?
718
00:32:02,877 --> 00:32:06,141
Hey... What are you doing here?
719
00:32:06,141 --> 00:32:07,621
- This the crazy woman...
- This the crazy man...
720
00:32:07,621 --> 00:32:09,405
- I was telling about!
- I was telling about!
721
00:32:09,405 --> 00:32:12,191
You left me for dead, girl.
Why you gotta be so mean, woman?
722
00:32:12,191 --> 00:32:13,801
Mean? You don't know me.
723
00:32:13,801 --> 00:32:15,629
You don't know what
I've been through.
724
00:32:15,629 --> 00:32:17,587
You mean to tell me you gonna
make the new brother
725
00:32:17,587 --> 00:32:19,415
pay for
the last brother mistakes?
726
00:32:19,415 --> 00:32:22,592
- Somebody gotta pay. Amen.
- Hell yeah, somebody gotta pay.
727
00:32:22,592 --> 00:32:24,464
So you just another
mad Black woman, huh?
728
00:32:24,464 --> 00:32:25,900
So what you gon' do?
729
00:32:25,900 --> 00:32:27,815
Go home and write in your diary
730
00:32:27,815 --> 00:32:29,338
about your raggedy ass weave?
731
00:32:29,338 --> 00:32:31,775
Raggedy ass weave?
732
00:32:31,775 --> 00:32:33,647
You should be the last person
to talk about somebody having...
733
00:32:33,647 --> 00:32:35,431
Girl, my hair is luxurious.
734
00:32:35,431 --> 00:32:36,824
You know what? I got something
from you. Stay right there.
735
00:32:36,824 --> 00:32:39,305
I'm standing right here.
I ain't running.
736
00:32:39,305 --> 00:32:42,612
- Oh!
- I got wet! My waist is wet!
737
00:32:42,612 --> 00:32:44,658
Maybe I'm not
the right person for this job.
738
00:32:44,658 --> 00:32:47,182
My abs are melting. Oh no, girl.
739
00:32:47,182 --> 00:32:49,141
You know, it took me
all week to paint these on.
740
00:32:49,141 --> 00:32:51,230
- Should've took longer.
- Why would you do this?
741
00:32:51,230 --> 00:32:53,058
Boy, stop all
that windmilling shit.
742
00:32:54,189 --> 00:32:55,582
Oh, no!
743
00:32:55,582 --> 00:32:57,366
Ooh! My waist is wet.
744
00:32:57,366 --> 00:32:58,846
Well, at least I still
got my areolas.
745
00:32:58,846 --> 00:33:01,022
I got something for
areolas too. Hold on.
746
00:33:01,022 --> 00:33:02,589
Get him again.
He gonna run outta here?
747
00:33:02,589 --> 00:33:03,982
But don't run too far, baby.
748
00:33:03,982 --> 00:33:06,375
You got your abs
in a puddle in this grass.
749
00:33:06,375 --> 00:33:08,247
Boy, you better come
clean this shit up.
750
00:33:08,247 --> 00:33:10,858
With everything I am,
I'm only one man.
751
00:33:10,858 --> 00:33:12,903
Yo "Fairy", wanna ball?
752
00:33:12,903 --> 00:33:15,906
Uh, it's Pherry.
I don't mess with P.
753
00:33:15,906 --> 00:33:17,604
We need one more.
Get over here. We chests.
754
00:33:17,604 --> 00:33:18,779
I'd love to play!
755
00:33:22,870 --> 00:33:24,306
Male Empowerment.
756
00:33:24,306 --> 00:33:26,004
God never said
nothing about that.
757
00:33:28,484 --> 00:33:31,792
I love this game.
Thank you, God. Balls! Balls!
758
00:33:33,446 --> 00:33:34,795
Oh, crap.
759
00:33:38,625 --> 00:33:40,409
- Yo, Taylor.
- Oh, God.
760
00:33:40,409 --> 00:33:43,630
- How was the cookout?
- Uh...
761
00:33:43,630 --> 00:33:46,415
Not really good,
you know. My family is...
762
00:33:46,415 --> 00:33:49,244
They, um, they crazy.
The shit they get...
763
00:33:49,244 --> 00:33:51,942
Oh, stuff, the stuff
they get themselves into.
764
00:33:51,942 --> 00:33:53,683
Well, it's up to
you to change that.
765
00:33:53,683 --> 00:33:56,034
I have an idea and I'm
gonna need you to commit to it.
766
00:33:56,034 --> 00:33:57,470
If not, I'm out of a job.
767
00:33:57,470 --> 00:33:59,428
Oh, I'll-- I'll do
anything for you, God.
768
00:33:59,428 --> 00:34:01,169
Great. I need you
to become a writer.
769
00:34:01,169 --> 00:34:03,432
- A writer? A writer?
- A writer. A writer.
770
00:34:03,432 --> 00:34:06,218
I can't do that, I mean,
I'm a doctor, a lawyer,
771
00:34:06,218 --> 00:34:08,481
a-- a hotel manager,
a badminton coach,
772
00:34:08,481 --> 00:34:11,919
an architect, an unlicensed
plumber, a mover, a shaker.
773
00:34:11,919 --> 00:34:13,225
I don't know nothing
about writing.
774
00:34:13,225 --> 00:34:14,530
Do you know what
a plot point is?
775
00:34:14,530 --> 00:34:16,532
- No. Hell no.
- A good storyline.
776
00:34:16,532 --> 00:34:18,534
- I ain't never heard of that.
- Your family's crazy, right?
777
00:34:18,534 --> 00:34:19,883
They'll have all the drama,
778
00:34:19,883 --> 00:34:21,755
the comedy,
and the horror you need.
779
00:34:21,755 --> 00:34:23,104
You're gonna write a play.
780
00:34:23,104 --> 00:34:24,714
- What? What?
- Better yet, a movie.
781
00:34:24,714 --> 00:34:26,020
Include me and Hoprah.
782
00:34:26,020 --> 00:34:27,804
But you can do bad
all by yourself.
783
00:34:27,804 --> 00:34:30,329
It's gonna be
a box office hit.
784
00:34:30,329 --> 00:34:33,506
W-- well, what if I-- I screw up
everything for the whole world?
785
00:34:33,506 --> 00:34:36,161
Have faith, Taylor,
you're on a divine path.
786
00:34:36,161 --> 00:34:38,032
Speaking of which,
you better take that.
787
00:34:38,032 --> 00:34:41,383
Alright, that's it. Gotta go.
This fellow Putin is tripping.
788
00:34:41,383 --> 00:34:43,037
Hey, hey, hey Julie.
789
00:34:43,037 --> 00:34:44,604
I can't take another
minute of this traffic.
790
00:34:44,604 --> 00:34:46,127
It's driving me crazy.
791
00:34:46,127 --> 00:34:47,694
I meant to ask you for
a favor at the cookout,
792
00:34:47,694 --> 00:34:49,087
but I got caught up
eating chicken.
793
00:34:49,087 --> 00:34:50,697
What can I do for you?
794
00:34:50,697 --> 00:34:52,090
I need a good driver
for tomorrow.
795
00:34:52,090 --> 00:34:55,180
Say no more. I'm on my way.
796
00:34:55,180 --> 00:34:58,139
Woo! God be talking his ass off.
797
00:34:58,139 --> 00:34:59,923
First female empowerment.
798
00:34:59,923 --> 00:35:02,709
Now, God wants me
to write a movie?
799
00:35:02,709 --> 00:35:06,713
Dear diary, today,
I took my mother's advice
800
00:35:06,713 --> 00:35:10,369
and I need spaghetti, sauce,
ground turkey meat,
801
00:35:10,369 --> 00:35:16,157
turkey sausage, mushrooms,
garlic, oh, and vodka.
802
00:35:16,157 --> 00:35:18,681
I sure hope it tastes good.
803
00:35:18,681 --> 00:35:21,945
With everything
I've been going through, diary,
804
00:35:21,945 --> 00:35:24,383
I need some comfort
and joy in my life.
805
00:35:24,383 --> 00:35:26,341
Lately, it just feels
806
00:35:26,341 --> 00:35:29,301
like a sad little rain cloud
follows me everywhere I go.
807
00:35:33,870 --> 00:35:35,133
Ugh!
808
00:35:38,005 --> 00:35:40,790
Yo baby, you need a ride?
809
00:35:40,790 --> 00:35:42,879
No, I can wait for the bus.
810
00:35:42,879 --> 00:35:44,968
Girl, go on and hop
into this truck.
811
00:35:44,968 --> 00:35:46,535
Can't you see the lightning?
812
00:35:49,538 --> 00:35:51,149
I'm fine.
813
00:35:51,149 --> 00:35:53,194
All this rain gonna make
your gout swell up, girl.
814
00:35:53,194 --> 00:35:54,674
I can wait for the bus.
815
00:35:54,674 --> 00:35:56,458
Besides, I'm a new woman
816
00:35:56,458 --> 00:35:59,374
and this woman don't ride
with certain types of men.
817
00:35:59,374 --> 00:36:01,246
Why you gotta be so mean, woman?
818
00:36:01,246 --> 00:36:03,465
Why you gotta be so nice, man?
819
00:36:03,465 --> 00:36:05,250
Look just get in the truck.
820
00:36:05,250 --> 00:36:07,556
The next bus don't come
for about an hour.
821
00:36:08,862 --> 00:36:10,994
Okay, okay. Let me get in.
822
00:36:10,994 --> 00:36:13,562
Yep. Get your ass in, girl.
823
00:36:13,562 --> 00:36:14,998
I'm coming. I'm coming.
824
00:36:17,044 --> 00:36:18,480
- Here, get my purse.
- I got you.
825
00:36:18,480 --> 00:36:21,831
Come on now. Come on.
Yep, I got you. Come on.
826
00:36:21,831 --> 00:36:24,138
- There you go. Close the door.
- Okay, hold on.
827
00:36:26,358 --> 00:36:27,924
Is this what God meant
828
00:36:27,924 --> 00:36:29,665
when he said my family's
like no other
829
00:36:29,665 --> 00:36:32,102
or are we all the same
like my cousin Monte Carlo?
830
00:36:33,800 --> 00:36:35,367
You girls get ready. Your mama
is gonna be here soon.
831
00:36:35,367 --> 00:36:36,933
Hey, come on in.
832
00:36:39,458 --> 00:36:43,244
How is my favorite limo, Lyft,
Uber driving cousin?
833
00:36:43,244 --> 00:36:46,552
Take your shoes off
at the door if you don't mind.
834
00:36:46,552 --> 00:36:49,207
Oh, as disgusting as this place
is, I absolutely do mind.
835
00:36:49,207 --> 00:36:51,339
Why don't we take the floor up?
836
00:36:51,339 --> 00:36:54,429
- Ah!
- Fair enough.
837
00:36:54,429 --> 00:36:57,040
So what do I owe
this surprise visit
838
00:36:57,040 --> 00:36:59,695
from the most prominent prestigious
839
00:36:59,695 --> 00:37:02,611
lawyer, surgeon and employee
in the entire city?
840
00:37:02,611 --> 00:37:05,832
- Well, I've got a job for you.
- Mm, you got a job?
841
00:37:05,832 --> 00:37:08,182
- Yes. High paying job.
- Ooh!
842
00:37:08,182 --> 00:37:11,272
Make your own hours. I've been
calling you. Do you want it?
843
00:37:13,100 --> 00:37:16,538
I gotta say extra money
is always needed around here.
844
00:37:16,538 --> 00:37:19,715
You know I got the three kids,
maybe two, four baby mamas
845
00:37:19,715 --> 00:37:21,195
and you know,
I'm trying to get that chicken
846
00:37:21,195 --> 00:37:22,718
and check cashing
place off the ground.
847
00:37:22,718 --> 00:37:24,154
Chicken and check cashing?
That don't go together.
848
00:37:24,154 --> 00:37:25,155
Neither does chicken
and waffles,
849
00:37:25,155 --> 00:37:26,156
but you see how that blew up.
850
00:37:26,156 --> 00:37:28,637
Oh, you know what, cuz,
851
00:37:28,637 --> 00:37:30,378
I am very,
very proud of you.
852
00:37:30,378 --> 00:37:33,555
With three years in prison,
three little girls
853
00:37:33,555 --> 00:37:36,776
Not Precious, Least Precious,
Not Precious at all
854
00:37:36,776 --> 00:37:39,561
you really got
your stuff together.
855
00:37:39,561 --> 00:37:42,216
That's right, you see,
'cause hate put me in there.
856
00:37:42,216 --> 00:37:44,871
- But love busted me out.
- Love busted you out.
857
00:37:44,871 --> 00:37:47,134
Tell me about it.
Tell me about the job.
858
00:37:47,134 --> 00:37:49,702
Well, her name is Julie.
She's a lawyer.
859
00:37:49,702 --> 00:37:51,660
She's an Ivy League attorney.
She needs a driver.
860
00:37:51,660 --> 00:37:52,705
And I can give you a car today.
861
00:37:52,705 --> 00:37:54,315
What kind of car we talking?
862
00:37:54,315 --> 00:37:55,708
Well look, I've got exotic cars.
I've got a Bugatti.
863
00:37:55,708 --> 00:37:56,883
I've got a Lamborghini.
I've got a Porsche.
864
00:37:56,883 --> 00:37:58,058
Wait. Stop right there.
865
00:37:58,058 --> 00:37:59,494
Yes.
866
00:37:59,494 --> 00:38:01,409
You know I don't do exotic cars.
867
00:38:01,409 --> 00:38:04,238
I need something with
a carburetor, you know.
868
00:38:04,238 --> 00:38:07,154
- Well, I've got a truck.
- Sold.
869
00:38:07,154 --> 00:38:08,677
Okay. Gimme a minute
to put on some clean clothes.
870
00:38:11,463 --> 00:38:14,161
Okay, I am ready. Alright.
871
00:38:14,161 --> 00:38:15,467
You girls fix yourself
some dinner.
872
00:38:15,467 --> 00:38:17,033
Here you go. That's for you.
873
00:38:17,033 --> 00:38:18,557
And whatever you do,
please don't open the door
874
00:38:18,557 --> 00:38:19,558
for any strangers.
875
00:38:19,558 --> 00:38:21,168
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
876
00:38:21,168 --> 00:38:23,039
Are we sure we want
to leave the girls alone?
877
00:38:23,039 --> 00:38:26,608
I mean, somebody's gotta watch
daddy's little girls.
878
00:38:26,608 --> 00:38:28,523
Oh, don't worry about that,
man. They stay strapped.
879
00:38:28,523 --> 00:38:32,701
Ready for any unwanted police
officers. She might not be mine.
880
00:38:33,789 --> 00:38:34,790
Come on.
881
00:38:36,009 --> 00:38:37,097
Bye, daddy.
882
00:38:38,620 --> 00:38:41,623
Again. You gotta
stop calling me that.
883
00:38:44,974 --> 00:38:47,107
He's like
a movie character, right?
884
00:38:47,107 --> 00:38:49,239
I get Idris vibes.
885
00:38:49,239 --> 00:38:51,851
In my movie, he's comedy relief
886
00:38:51,851 --> 00:38:55,550
and Julie could use
some comedy in her life.
887
00:38:55,550 --> 00:38:56,986
That I know.
888
00:39:01,295 --> 00:39:03,950
- Are you gonna open the door?
- Uh, you want me to...
889
00:39:03,950 --> 00:39:07,780
Oh, yeah. I just thought
you was gonna open it for me.
890
00:39:07,780 --> 00:39:10,435
- Me open it for you?
- Yeah. I just, I don't know.
891
00:39:10,435 --> 00:39:11,958
Lemme finish sending
this picture real quick.
892
00:39:11,958 --> 00:39:14,526
I-- I-- I'll wait. It's no rush.
893
00:39:14,526 --> 00:39:17,355
Oh, yeah, yeah. No, I'm--
I'm in no rush.
894
00:39:17,355 --> 00:39:20,053
- Get the door.
- Goddamn. Chill.
895
00:39:20,053 --> 00:39:22,055
Please open that door.
896
00:39:22,055 --> 00:39:23,317
Dang, you can be polite.
897
00:39:26,929 --> 00:39:30,411
What's up?
Ná#*á#á#*á#, you a fool.
898
00:39:30,411 --> 00:39:31,934
If you don't come
close this door...
899
00:39:31,934 --> 00:39:33,153
You want me to close
the door too?
900
00:39:34,676 --> 00:39:36,461
Open and close the door.
901
00:39:38,593 --> 00:39:41,204
Act like you ain't never
closed a door before.
902
00:39:41,204 --> 00:39:44,033
You didn't say open and close
is in the job description.
903
00:39:44,904 --> 00:39:46,732
Hey. Yeah.
904
00:39:46,732 --> 00:39:48,777
I can't believe the jury came
back from deliberation so soon.
905
00:39:48,777 --> 00:39:50,518
This is a good sign for us.
906
00:39:50,518 --> 00:39:51,911
I bet you think I'm listening in
907
00:39:51,911 --> 00:39:53,956
on your conversation,
'cause I'm not.
908
00:39:53,956 --> 00:39:55,001
I'm talk...
909
00:39:58,570 --> 00:40:03,444
Excuse me, Mr. Carlo?
I said excuse me.
910
00:40:03,444 --> 00:40:06,621
Hey, yo, Charlie.
Hey, what up with it, man?
911
00:40:06,621 --> 00:40:08,188
Ain't nothing, man,
I'm just sitting here,
912
00:40:08,188 --> 00:40:09,711
chilling at the new gig, man.
913
00:40:09,711 --> 00:40:11,670
Hello, hey, driver?
914
00:40:11,670 --> 00:40:15,369
What? Rollo got shot? When?
915
00:40:15,369 --> 00:40:18,851
Just, he's on the phone.
Can you turn the music down?
916
00:40:18,851 --> 00:40:21,810
Hey, bitch, can't you see
I'm on the phone? That's rude.
917
00:40:21,810 --> 00:40:23,682
I'm on the phone too.
918
00:40:23,682 --> 00:40:27,120
Hey. Who shot him?
Who shot him? The baby?
919
00:40:27,120 --> 00:40:28,687
Man, the baby love
killing people, man.
920
00:40:28,687 --> 00:40:30,645
This is completely
and utterly unprofessional.
921
00:40:30,645 --> 00:40:33,387
Was he at Walmart again? I told
him the savings are at Target!
922
00:40:34,475 --> 00:40:36,869
Hello? Hello?
923
00:40:36,869 --> 00:40:39,262
God. Damn. My phone got cut off.
924
00:40:39,262 --> 00:40:41,264
Look, and I need to get
to the courthouse.
925
00:40:41,264 --> 00:40:45,312
Relax, sugar tits. I'mma get
you there, you in good hands.
926
00:40:45,312 --> 00:40:47,619
- Forget Allstate.
- If you don't watch the road.
927
00:40:47,619 --> 00:40:50,883
Hey, keep your goddamn kids
off the street.
928
00:40:50,883 --> 00:40:53,102
That's bad parenting
right there, man.
929
00:40:53,102 --> 00:40:55,627
I've always said that.
- Where are you going?
930
00:40:55,627 --> 00:40:57,585
You need to, to stay on I-95.
931
00:40:57,585 --> 00:40:59,152
Like, w-- why are you getting
off the freeway?
932
00:40:59,152 --> 00:41:01,197
Oh, trust me, I know how
to get to the courthouse.
933
00:41:01,197 --> 00:41:03,112
No, you need to stay on I-95.
934
00:41:03,112 --> 00:41:04,766
Get off on downtown
and make a right.
935
00:41:07,552 --> 00:41:10,293
- Well, so why are we stopping?
- 'Cause we here, stupid.
936
00:41:12,382 --> 00:41:14,950
Uh...
937
00:41:14,950 --> 00:41:18,606
Next time, I need you to
follow instructions. Okay?
938
00:41:18,606 --> 00:41:22,001
- And why am I opening my door?
- 'Cause you got hands. Bitch.
939
00:41:22,001 --> 00:41:23,524
You're supposed to be a driver.
940
00:41:23,524 --> 00:41:25,874
Can't admit when
you wrong, shit.
941
00:41:25,874 --> 00:41:28,442
Ooh, I'll tell Taylor.
Weak ass.
942
00:41:28,442 --> 00:41:29,791
Don't know why I did this.
943
00:41:32,185 --> 00:41:33,360
Goddamn.
944
00:41:35,057 --> 00:41:38,365
God is good. Won't he do it?
Mm-mm-mm.
945
00:41:40,498 --> 00:41:41,977
Everyone has
that family member
946
00:41:41,977 --> 00:41:43,501
who's always struggling.
947
00:41:43,501 --> 00:41:45,633
Well, Beverly is mine.
948
00:41:45,633 --> 00:41:47,809
If it's not men, it's money.
949
00:41:47,809 --> 00:41:49,724
But this is how
she met the Browns.
950
00:41:49,724 --> 00:41:52,292
I mean the Blacks. The Blacks!
It's how she met the Blacks!
951
00:41:52,292 --> 00:41:53,946
Oh, good morning, Ms. Mildew.
952
00:41:53,946 --> 00:41:56,470
Don't good morning me.
You got my money?
953
00:41:56,470 --> 00:41:58,777
I'll have it for you this
evening when I get paid.
954
00:41:58,777 --> 00:42:01,736
Well, you better.
All of it, and I ain't playing.
955
00:42:01,736 --> 00:42:04,217
Okay. Alright.
Bye-bye, Ms. Mildew.
956
00:42:04,217 --> 00:42:06,219
I ain't gonna have her money.
957
00:42:06,219 --> 00:42:07,612
Bitch better have my money.
958
00:42:10,179 --> 00:42:12,486
Stop, stop, stop, stop.
959
00:42:12,486 --> 00:42:14,532
Oh, man! Come on. What the hell?
960
00:42:14,532 --> 00:42:16,534
- Stop, stop, stop.
- What are you doing?
961
00:42:16,534 --> 00:42:19,624
Hi, whoo! My friend's coming?
Can you just wait for her?
962
00:42:19,624 --> 00:42:21,887
No, we got to go.
You making me late. Come on.
963
00:42:21,887 --> 00:42:23,976
You know if she miss the bus,
she's gonna lose her job.
964
00:42:23,976 --> 00:42:26,500
And if I miss the next stop,
then I lose my job. Come on now.
965
00:42:26,500 --> 00:42:27,980
Come on, bro. Just wait.
966
00:42:27,980 --> 00:42:29,634
No, no. Have a seat.
Sit down. Sit down.
967
00:42:29,634 --> 00:42:31,766
Okay, okay, okay. What if
I show you my breasts?
968
00:42:31,766 --> 00:42:33,507
What? Don't nobody wanna
see your silicone breast.
969
00:42:33,507 --> 00:42:34,987
If I wanna see some plastic,
I'll reach in my back pocket
970
00:42:34,987 --> 00:42:36,205
and I'll pull out
my credit card.
971
00:42:36,205 --> 00:42:38,207
Come on. Just wait
for her, please.
972
00:42:38,207 --> 00:42:40,558
Okay. Okay. Okay. Show me
the nipple. Show me the nipple.
973
00:42:42,168 --> 00:42:44,649
Goddamn!
974
00:42:44,649 --> 00:42:46,302
Okay. Alright, alright.
Which one? Where she at?
975
00:42:46,302 --> 00:42:47,608
Oh, that's her. That's her.
Right there. Stop it.
976
00:42:47,608 --> 00:42:48,957
Alright, I see her.
Come on then.
977
00:42:48,957 --> 00:42:51,133
Come on, shorty.
Come on. Let's go.
978
00:42:51,133 --> 00:42:53,179
Let's go, let's go.
979
00:42:53,179 --> 00:42:55,747
Whoo! Thank you for waiting.
980
00:42:55,747 --> 00:42:58,314
Don't thank me.
Thank her nipple.
981
00:42:58,314 --> 00:43:02,667
- Girl, you took forever.
- Good lord, Jesus.
982
00:43:02,667 --> 00:43:04,973
Beverly is like
every other lead in the movie.
983
00:43:04,973 --> 00:43:06,105
She's likable.
984
00:43:06,105 --> 00:43:07,367
Thank you. I appreciate you.
985
00:43:07,367 --> 00:43:08,368
Like Angela Bassett.
986
00:43:08,368 --> 00:43:10,109
I appreciate you now.
987
00:43:10,109 --> 00:43:11,676
- Ooh, girl.
- Girl, that was crazy.
988
00:43:11,676 --> 00:43:13,852
You are always looking out
for me.
989
00:43:13,852 --> 00:43:16,332
- You know I got you.
- You crazy, but you my girl.
990
00:43:16,332 --> 00:43:19,814
You made sure I'm
straight. You check on my baby.
991
00:43:19,814 --> 00:43:22,077
- I even show my breast, girl.
- You got my, oh, you did what?
992
00:43:22,077 --> 00:43:23,122
Yes.
993
00:43:23,122 --> 00:43:24,732
What the hell is going on here?
994
00:43:24,732 --> 00:43:26,604
Man 1: I need all of you
to vacate the premises.
995
00:43:26,604 --> 00:43:28,475
The first time I'm on time to
work and then this shit happens.
996
00:43:28,475 --> 00:43:31,565
- We don't know what's going on.
- Place is closed.
997
00:43:31,565 --> 00:43:33,698
What do you mean
the place is closed?
998
00:43:33,698 --> 00:43:36,004
How? I just met with
the Browns last night.
999
00:43:36,004 --> 00:43:37,832
Plus, they are
super nice people.
1000
00:43:37,832 --> 00:43:39,791
I don't think they're gonna
close down without telling us.
1001
00:43:39,791 --> 00:43:44,273
COVID Infinity. Place is closed
until further notice.
1002
00:43:44,273 --> 00:43:46,667
Go home. You're making me work.
1003
00:43:46,667 --> 00:43:47,712
I didn't even get
my last check.
1004
00:43:47,712 --> 00:43:48,800
I didn't get mine either.
1005
00:43:48,800 --> 00:43:50,758
- Go home.
- What?
1006
00:43:50,758 --> 00:43:54,283
Man 1: Let's go, everyone.
You're interrupting my lunch.
1007
00:43:54,283 --> 00:43:57,286
What am I gonna do?
I owe Ms. Mildew.
1008
00:43:57,286 --> 00:43:59,680
If I don't pay her, she gonna
put my Kiki out on the street
1009
00:43:59,680 --> 00:44:01,290
to pay her her money back.
1010
00:44:01,290 --> 00:44:03,379
I mean, why don't you
ask your son's father?
1011
00:44:03,379 --> 00:44:06,600
He owes you over $80,000
in back child support.
1012
00:44:06,600 --> 00:44:10,169
- Wait, how do you know that?
- He told me last night.
1013
00:44:10,169 --> 00:44:14,608
Wait, you didn't know
he was hitting this?
1014
00:44:14,608 --> 00:44:16,871
I be screaming your name
every night.
1015
00:44:16,871 --> 00:44:20,745
Oh, you're so sweet,
but I do need that money.
1016
00:44:20,745 --> 00:44:23,399
Oh, but he's gonna kill me
if I ask him for it.
1017
00:44:23,399 --> 00:44:25,097
I'm gonna ask him for you
1018
00:44:25,097 --> 00:44:27,012
because he don't
ever say no to me.
1019
00:44:27,012 --> 00:44:28,535
Okay.
1020
00:44:28,535 --> 00:44:30,450
- Got you, girl.
- Well, let's go get this money.
1021
00:44:30,450 --> 00:44:32,800
Let's go get it, girl.
1022
00:44:32,800 --> 00:44:34,846
Okay, I'm gonna be strong.
This is his kid too.
1023
00:44:34,846 --> 00:44:37,675
Beverly! What the hell
are you doing here?
1024
00:44:37,675 --> 00:44:40,721
I thought I told you
I ain't got no money for you
1025
00:44:40,721 --> 00:44:43,289
or them ugly ass kids.
Now get on!
1026
00:44:43,289 --> 00:44:45,726
Scat!
1027
00:44:45,726 --> 00:44:48,947
Hey, Shirley, baby.
What's going on?
1028
00:44:48,947 --> 00:44:52,080
- Michael, baby, how are you?
- I'm doing fine.
1029
00:44:52,080 --> 00:44:54,169
Yes, you know, Michael.
1030
00:44:54,169 --> 00:44:57,651
She really, really needs
her child support money.
1031
00:44:57,651 --> 00:44:58,957
- Really?
- Yeah.
1032
00:44:58,957 --> 00:45:00,306
- Is that what she needs?
- Yeah.
1033
00:45:00,306 --> 00:45:02,787
Why don't you just like,
help her?
1034
00:45:02,787 --> 00:45:06,616
If you ask, then it's yours.
Okay? Yeah.
1035
00:45:06,616 --> 00:45:08,444
Oh, thank you so much, Michael.
1036
00:45:08,444 --> 00:45:10,925
We really need it, the kids need
ramen, they need Cheetos--
1037
00:45:10,925 --> 00:45:13,623
- I was talking to her.
- But--
1038
00:45:13,623 --> 00:45:18,193
Not you! I ain't
got no goddamn money.
1039
00:45:18,193 --> 00:45:21,327
I am working my ass off
securing this empty ass spot.
1040
00:45:21,327 --> 00:45:24,199
Working for a ass-hole boss
that I can't stand,
1041
00:45:24,199 --> 00:45:27,376
on three hours of sleep. Why?
1042
00:45:27,376 --> 00:45:31,598
Because I am trying to make
a better life for myself.
1043
00:45:31,598 --> 00:45:35,254
That's what's wrong
with you Black mothers.
1044
00:45:35,254 --> 00:45:36,951
You lazy. You don't wanna work.
1045
00:45:36,951 --> 00:45:38,257
I am not lazy, Michael.
I do work.
1046
00:45:38,257 --> 00:45:39,693
Nah, you lazy as hell.
1047
00:45:39,693 --> 00:45:42,087
See, I told you don't have
that damn baby.
1048
00:45:42,087 --> 00:45:46,787
But here you come trying to mess
up my expensive lifestyle
1049
00:45:46,787 --> 00:45:49,181
with your needs. Hell no!
1050
00:45:52,706 --> 00:45:55,840
Way to go, Michael.
I'm giving you a raise.
1051
00:45:55,840 --> 00:45:57,276
Oh! You hear that?
1052
00:45:57,276 --> 00:45:59,408
More money for you
to do nothing with.
1053
00:45:59,408 --> 00:46:01,149
Nothing.
1054
00:46:01,149 --> 00:46:03,412
- Come on, man.
- Deuces.
1055
00:46:03,412 --> 00:46:05,327
I'm gonna buy you
an ice cold glass of water.
1056
00:46:08,069 --> 00:46:10,071
I got something for your ass.
1057
00:46:10,071 --> 00:46:12,204
Oh, you dirty mother--
1058
00:46:12,204 --> 00:46:13,683
Oh, shit.
1059
00:46:13,683 --> 00:46:15,598
God says my family's
like a movie.
1060
00:46:15,598 --> 00:46:18,993
Then it must be, right?
God's never wrong.
1061
00:46:18,993 --> 00:46:23,084
And if God's not wrong,
then Beverly could be a star.
1062
00:46:23,084 --> 00:46:25,260
Look, this all started
because of Trump.
1063
00:46:27,001 --> 00:46:29,482
Now how did he become president?
1064
00:46:29,482 --> 00:46:30,700
Angel 6: That's a good question.
1065
00:46:30,700 --> 00:46:33,747
Hey, wasn't on me.
That wasn't me.
1066
00:46:33,747 --> 00:46:36,010
I mean, I-- I-- I never
answered his prayer.
1067
00:46:36,010 --> 00:46:38,317
- You're right. You're right.
- I did give him the voice.
1068
00:46:38,317 --> 00:46:40,145
It's a lot of
great people on both sides.
1069
00:46:40,145 --> 00:46:44,062
Lots of great people on both
sides. Excuse me. Excuse me.
1070
00:46:44,062 --> 00:46:47,021
Fake angels. Fake angels.
1071
00:46:47,021 --> 00:46:48,153
You like that?
1072
00:46:49,850 --> 00:46:51,809
Toast me.
1073
00:46:51,809 --> 00:46:53,636
We have
comedy and drama,
1074
00:46:53,636 --> 00:46:55,638
and I know about my cousin.
1075
00:46:55,638 --> 00:46:57,075
Julie might even be his type.
1076
00:46:59,338 --> 00:47:02,471
Mm, mm, mm How'd it go?
1077
00:47:02,471 --> 00:47:04,430
This motherfucker.
I guess I'll let myself in.
1078
00:47:08,826 --> 00:47:11,829
- Ooh, she's pretty.
- Is she gonna be our new mama?
1079
00:47:13,656 --> 00:47:15,310
How did they get in my car?
1080
00:47:15,310 --> 00:47:17,312
Look, I gotta take these kids
to they mama house.
1081
00:47:17,312 --> 00:47:19,097
Unless you wanna
roll around with them all day.
1082
00:47:19,097 --> 00:47:21,229
Then I gotta go pick up
the 3-year-old from the dentist
1083
00:47:21,229 --> 00:47:23,101
'cause she's getting
her wisdom teeth pulled.
1084
00:47:23,101 --> 00:47:26,365
If you don't take these kids
home and drop me off...
1085
00:47:26,365 --> 00:47:30,108
- I have a date tonight.
- Okay. Gonna get to your date.
1086
00:47:39,421 --> 00:47:42,076
Okay. Come on. Come on, come on.
1087
00:47:42,076 --> 00:47:43,251
There we go. Ha!
1088
00:47:44,687 --> 00:47:46,254
Alright, now listen girls,
1089
00:47:46,254 --> 00:47:47,865
no matter what
anybody tells you,
1090
00:47:47,865 --> 00:47:51,303
you might not be
daddy's little girls.
1091
00:47:51,303 --> 00:47:54,088
Off you go.
1092
00:47:54,088 --> 00:47:55,873
You ain't slick.
1093
00:47:55,873 --> 00:47:57,265
And next time you come out here,
1094
00:47:57,265 --> 00:47:59,050
you better not have
no kids with you!
1095
00:47:59,050 --> 00:48:02,053
Gimme my goddamn money!
Bye, bitch!
1096
00:48:02,053 --> 00:48:05,317
Get y'all asses
in the house.
1097
00:48:05,317 --> 00:48:07,754
Now one thing I've
learned about my friend Julie,
1098
00:48:07,754 --> 00:48:12,106
when it comes to men,
she has a type, the wrong type.
1099
00:48:12,106 --> 00:48:13,891
Girl, Now you know
I don't like blind dates,
1100
00:48:13,891 --> 00:48:15,196
but last time I went
on a blind date,
1101
00:48:15,196 --> 00:48:17,503
we met at the movies
and afterwards,
1102
00:48:17,503 --> 00:48:20,071
he started handing out
"Watchtower" pamphlets.
1103
00:48:20,071 --> 00:48:22,421
Come to find out he is
a Jehovah Witness.
1104
00:48:22,421 --> 00:48:24,510
I'm not that desperate.
1105
00:48:24,510 --> 00:48:26,686
Okay, maybe I am.
Lemme call you back.
1106
00:48:26,686 --> 00:48:29,080
- I'm Rob.
- Hi.
1107
00:48:29,080 --> 00:48:31,560
- You are beautiful.
- Thank you.
1108
00:48:31,560 --> 00:48:33,345
So what do you do?
1109
00:48:33,345 --> 00:48:36,435
I am a district attorney.
I try cases.
1110
00:48:36,435 --> 00:48:40,004
- What kind of cases?
- Anything assigned to me.
1111
00:48:40,004 --> 00:48:42,441
Mostly felony, drugs. Murder.
1112
00:48:42,441 --> 00:48:45,923
Oh, man, you are the girl
I've been looking for.
1113
00:48:45,923 --> 00:48:48,142
Look, I got this small case.
1114
00:48:48,142 --> 00:48:51,102
Allegedly, allegedly,
they caught me with nine kilos
1115
00:48:51,102 --> 00:48:52,973
of some Colombian Bambam.
1116
00:48:52,973 --> 00:48:56,629
So, I'm trying to put the dope
in my girlfriend's car, right,
1117
00:48:56,629 --> 00:48:57,717
so she could take the wrap--
1118
00:48:57,717 --> 00:48:58,936
Next.
1119
00:48:59,762 --> 00:49:00,720
Switch.
1120
00:49:02,156 --> 00:49:03,418
- You married?
- No.
1121
00:49:03,418 --> 00:49:04,898
- Got a girlfriend?
- No.
1122
00:49:04,898 --> 00:49:06,421
- Wife?
- No.
1123
00:49:06,421 --> 00:49:08,336
- Baby mom?
- No.
1124
00:49:10,251 --> 00:49:14,560
- Hmm, you got a job?
- I'm an architectural engineer.
1125
00:49:14,560 --> 00:49:18,042
That's my future husband's job.
So why are you single?
1126
00:49:18,042 --> 00:49:22,829
I just got out of a relationship
and yeah, I'm done with men.
1127
00:49:22,829 --> 00:49:24,962
- These mens are no good.
- Oh, next!
1128
00:49:24,962 --> 00:49:26,789
Man 2: Switch!
1129
00:49:26,789 --> 00:49:30,793
After I do all that securing and
watching perimeters, you know,
1130
00:49:30,793 --> 00:49:34,710
it's really hard just doing
nothing all night long.
1131
00:49:34,710 --> 00:49:38,845
You see, I'm looking
for a sugar mama
1132
00:49:38,845 --> 00:49:43,850
that's go' pay my bills,
and, you know, complete me.
1133
00:49:45,721 --> 00:49:47,027
I'm looking to start a family.
1134
00:49:47,027 --> 00:49:48,986
- Next!
- Switch.
1135
00:49:50,204 --> 00:49:53,381
Ugh, God, what am I doing here?
1136
00:49:53,381 --> 00:49:55,079
You must be tired
of all this, huh?
1137
00:49:56,645 --> 00:49:58,082
Uh...
1138
00:49:58,082 --> 00:50:00,040
Quite frankly, I am.
1139
00:50:00,040 --> 00:50:02,912
Then why do you put
yourself through it?
1140
00:50:02,912 --> 00:50:07,917
Because it's really hard
to find men within my field.
1141
00:50:07,917 --> 00:50:10,442
Then why don't you stop telling
people your line of work?
1142
00:50:12,226 --> 00:50:15,490
- Maybe I should.
- Maybe you should.
1143
00:50:15,490 --> 00:50:17,188
- Huh.
- Yeah.
1144
00:50:18,580 --> 00:50:20,713
So tell me about yourself.
1145
00:50:20,713 --> 00:50:22,236
I went to Yale.
1146
00:50:22,236 --> 00:50:24,412
- Yale?
- Yes.
1147
00:50:24,412 --> 00:50:26,414
- Harvard.
- Harvard?
1148
00:50:26,414 --> 00:50:28,112
Some Ivy League Love.
1149
00:50:28,112 --> 00:50:29,809
Ivy League Love. I like that.
1150
00:50:29,809 --> 00:50:30,853
Yes.
1151
00:50:36,337 --> 00:50:37,860
Get away from my daddy!
1152
00:50:37,860 --> 00:50:39,732
Oh, who the hell
is this, Spencer?
1153
00:50:39,732 --> 00:50:43,127
Baby, um, this... Listen.
1154
00:50:43,127 --> 00:50:45,303
Uh, I didn't know you had
a pregnant wife.
1155
00:50:45,303 --> 00:50:48,436
Bitch, I ain't pregnant.
This is my colostomy bag.
1156
00:50:48,436 --> 00:50:50,047
- She...
- That don't look right.
1157
00:50:50,047 --> 00:50:52,440
She's not my wife.
I'm not really her husband.
1158
00:50:52,440 --> 00:50:54,138
Let's go.
Get in the car, Spencer.
1159
00:50:54,138 --> 00:50:56,096
No, no, no, no.
You got me messed up.
1160
00:50:56,096 --> 00:50:58,577
Spencer Jr.: Stay away from
my daddy, you garden tool.
1161
00:50:58,577 --> 00:51:00,448
- I'm not no garden tool.
- I told...
1162
00:51:00,448 --> 00:51:01,667
Why are you tracking
me down like this?
1163
00:51:01,667 --> 00:51:02,929
Woman 1: Let's go.
1164
00:51:07,499 --> 00:51:08,978
Do you have my money?
1165
00:51:08,978 --> 00:51:11,285
I-- I'll have it
by tomorrow. I promise.
1166
00:51:11,285 --> 00:51:12,982
That's the problem
with you young mothers
1167
00:51:12,982 --> 00:51:15,289
always thinking
about yourselves.
1168
00:51:15,289 --> 00:51:18,075
Here you go, Ms. Mildew. No need
to count it. It's all there.
1169
00:51:18,075 --> 00:51:19,685
Okay. Thank you, baby.
1170
00:51:19,685 --> 00:51:21,948
Your daughter's one of
my best workers.
1171
00:51:21,948 --> 00:51:23,776
Don't think I'mma let you
mess that up.
1172
00:51:24,864 --> 00:51:27,867
What am I gonna do?
1173
00:51:27,867 --> 00:51:30,522
Oh, so my family
may have some stories.
1174
00:51:30,522 --> 00:51:33,786
Like Michael. That boy
sure can play basketball.
1175
00:51:33,786 --> 00:51:36,397
Even if he has no fashion sense.
1176
00:51:36,397 --> 00:51:37,529
Yes, baby!
1177
00:51:39,574 --> 00:51:42,969
Woo! Go, baby! Go baby! Woo!
1178
00:51:44,536 --> 00:51:46,059
Get off of him.
1179
00:51:46,059 --> 00:51:47,626
That's not your son
talking to my son, right?
1180
00:51:47,626 --> 00:51:49,628
He better get off his back.
1181
00:51:49,628 --> 00:51:51,282
Let's go. Let's go, baby!
1182
00:51:51,282 --> 00:51:53,066
Shoot it, shoot it, shoot it.
1183
00:51:54,981 --> 00:51:58,376
Yes, Michael! Go baby!
1184
00:51:58,376 --> 00:52:00,987
Oh, my goodness.
You were so good.
1185
00:52:00,987 --> 00:52:02,728
But what was going on
with those shoes, though?
1186
00:52:02,728 --> 00:52:04,382
They were raggedy. W-- why
didn't you just wear those?
1187
00:52:04,382 --> 00:52:05,557
I can't wear those on that court.
1188
00:52:05,557 --> 00:52:07,124
I might get 'em dirty.
1189
00:52:07,124 --> 00:52:08,516
Listen, I got these.
1190
00:52:08,516 --> 00:52:10,431
- Where you get...
- I got these.
1191
00:52:10,431 --> 00:52:14,043
Where you get these from?
Okay. My baby a hustler.
1192
00:52:14,043 --> 00:52:15,828
Can we sell these so that I can
get my nails done now?
1193
00:52:15,828 --> 00:52:17,351
- It's up to you.
- Okay, cool.
1194
00:52:17,351 --> 00:52:20,528
Nail shop tomorrow.
- Hey yo, Michael.
1195
00:52:20,528 --> 00:52:23,052
- Good game, baby.
- Calvin?
1196
00:52:23,052 --> 00:52:24,750
What are you still doing
in high school?
1197
00:52:24,750 --> 00:52:28,362
I couldn't, uh,
pass the SAT test.
1198
00:52:28,362 --> 00:52:30,756
You don't need to pass the SAT
in order to graduate.
1199
00:52:30,756 --> 00:52:32,192
But look, me and the fellas
about to go down to the spot
1200
00:52:32,192 --> 00:52:33,628
to get us a few drinks.
1201
00:52:33,628 --> 00:52:35,152
You trying to come
hang with us or what?
1202
00:52:35,152 --> 00:52:37,328
Oh, so y'all finna go down
to the spot, huh?
1203
00:52:37,328 --> 00:52:39,112
Have some drinks
and get drunk?
1204
00:52:40,809 --> 00:52:41,810
Yes, Ms. Black.
1205
00:52:43,290 --> 00:52:45,031
Well, can we roll with you?
1206
00:52:45,031 --> 00:52:46,598
- Are you serious?
- Hell yeah.
1207
00:52:46,598 --> 00:52:48,382
Mom, what are you doing?
1208
00:52:48,382 --> 00:52:50,906
Mind your business, I am grown.
Go home, get the homework done.
1209
00:52:50,906 --> 00:52:52,647
Watch your sister. Make sure
she eats some, alright?
1210
00:52:52,647 --> 00:52:54,127
I'm finna teach the young man
1211
00:52:54,127 --> 00:52:55,650
something he ain't ever
learned before. Okay!
1212
00:52:55,650 --> 00:52:56,695
Excuse me. Move out the
way I gotta walk through.
1213
00:52:56,695 --> 00:52:58,305
Well, can I come too?
1214
00:52:58,305 --> 00:53:00,960
- Hell yeah. Come on, girl.
- Damn. My mama's a hoe.
1215
00:53:00,960 --> 00:53:02,875
Bye, baby! I love you.
1216
00:53:02,875 --> 00:53:04,659
Girl, you think he
can handle both of us?
1217
00:53:04,659 --> 00:53:06,052
Hell no, girl. We finna rob him.
1218
00:53:06,052 --> 00:53:08,402
Oh, my God! I'm down.
1219
00:53:08,402 --> 00:53:10,187
- Hey!
- Hey, so what's up, girl?
1220
00:53:10,187 --> 00:53:12,798
- So, where your cash at?
- Hey, I'm Shirley.
1221
00:53:12,798 --> 00:53:14,408
Hey, what's up? How you doing?
1222
00:53:14,408 --> 00:53:16,018
But the-- the question is,
where is your cash?
1223
00:53:16,018 --> 00:53:17,368
- My cash?
- Yes.
1224
00:53:17,368 --> 00:53:18,456
It's at the ATM, what you mean?
1225
00:53:18,456 --> 00:53:20,197
You ain't got no cash on you?
1226
00:53:20,197 --> 00:53:21,937
- Nah, girl, I got a debit card.
- Oh, hell no, bitch.
1227
00:53:21,937 --> 00:53:23,287
- Get out the car.
- No, no, no, no.
1228
00:53:23,287 --> 00:53:24,288
- No, nope.
- I do got...
1229
00:53:29,510 --> 00:53:32,296
- Ooh, oh, hey, girl.
- Hey, how are you?
1230
00:53:32,296 --> 00:53:34,689
- I am tired as ever.
- How's the kids?
1231
00:53:34,689 --> 00:53:37,039
Hungry, as usual.
1232
00:53:37,039 --> 00:53:38,824
Oh, it's not a bill
for once in my life.
1233
00:53:40,129 --> 00:53:42,480
Oh, what is that?
1234
00:53:42,480 --> 00:53:46,527
I-- I got a letter from a man
across town. Says he's my uncle.
1235
00:53:46,527 --> 00:53:48,921
Says my father died
and left me in his will.
1236
00:53:48,921 --> 00:53:53,230
Wait, what, bitch, you rich? Oh,
my God. Who do you have to call?
1237
00:53:53,230 --> 00:53:55,928
I don't know. It don't-- It
don't even... It has an address.
1238
00:53:55,928 --> 00:53:57,408
- Address?
- It says to come down.
1239
00:53:57,408 --> 00:53:58,713
Okay, then go down.
1240
00:53:58,713 --> 00:54:00,149
Uh-uh, they probably
gonna tell me
1241
00:54:00,149 --> 00:54:01,716
he owed some money
and now I owe them.
1242
00:54:01,716 --> 00:54:03,065
- I'm not doing it.
- Wait, what? You got money?
1243
00:54:03,065 --> 00:54:04,415
You're not going?
1244
00:54:04,415 --> 00:54:05,633
He probably ain't
got shit, either.
1245
00:54:05,633 --> 00:54:06,895
They gon' ask me
to pay his bills.
1246
00:54:06,895 --> 00:54:08,767
I'm not doing it,
I'm not doing it, Shirley.
1247
00:54:08,767 --> 00:54:10,986
- Beverly, you come on! Beverly!
- I'm not doing it.
1248
00:54:10,986 --> 00:54:14,425
I need to get me one of these,
yo. Ladies gonna love these.
1249
00:54:14,425 --> 00:54:17,166
- Hey, you know Ms. Mildew?
- Damn, you hitting that too?
1250
00:54:17,166 --> 00:54:18,907
Man, that old lady
got some skills.
1251
00:54:18,907 --> 00:54:20,779
Especially when she be using
those molars on your boy.
1252
00:54:20,779 --> 00:54:23,172
She be like all day.
1253
00:54:25,827 --> 00:54:27,133
Who's that?
1254
00:54:27,133 --> 00:54:29,309
Man, that's just
your daddy, Michael.
1255
00:54:29,309 --> 00:54:31,964
My dad? I never met him before.
1256
00:54:31,964 --> 00:54:33,487
And if you want me to
buy you something,
1257
00:54:33,487 --> 00:54:34,662
you still ain't met me.
1258
00:54:36,011 --> 00:54:37,796
Alright. You know. Mm-hmm.
1259
00:54:38,579 --> 00:54:40,015
Mm-mm.
1260
00:54:40,015 --> 00:54:41,887
Yo. What's up then?
What you need?
1261
00:54:41,887 --> 00:54:44,237
Uh, I'm gonna need
a little spark. Okay.
1262
00:54:44,237 --> 00:54:46,370
And, uh, I ain't got no money
1263
00:54:46,370 --> 00:54:49,416
and I'm gon' need
the "know my son" discount.
1264
00:54:49,416 --> 00:54:51,897
Hold up, dad, how
come you never come around
1265
00:54:51,897 --> 00:54:53,768
or help mom with money?
1266
00:54:53,768 --> 00:54:56,989
Because boy, I'mma grown-ass
man, I got bills to pay.
1267
00:54:56,989 --> 00:54:58,904
I got another
family across town,
1268
00:54:58,904 --> 00:55:00,775
I got this nasty drug habit,
1269
00:55:00,775 --> 00:55:03,474
and I'm in love with
this bitch I can't stand.
1270
00:55:03,474 --> 00:55:05,258
I ain't buying you shit.
1271
00:55:05,258 --> 00:55:07,695
Oh, hold on, ladies,
ladies, ladies.
1272
00:55:07,695 --> 00:55:10,002
Look what I found in my pocket.
Wait a second, now.
1273
00:55:10,002 --> 00:55:13,701
Who need their bills paid? Uh?
Need your hair done? Nails done?
1274
00:55:13,701 --> 00:55:15,399
Who want to do me?
1275
00:55:15,399 --> 00:55:16,487
Come on, let's do
each other together.
1276
00:55:16,487 --> 00:55:17,966
What's up, Calvin?
1277
00:55:17,966 --> 00:55:20,055
What I tell you about
hustling in this alley?
1278
00:55:20,055 --> 00:55:22,144
Yo, this my alley, homeboy.
I do what I want.
1279
00:55:22,144 --> 00:55:23,407
Oh, yeah, that's right?
1280
00:55:28,455 --> 00:55:32,329
Ricky! Wrong movie. Michael!
1281
00:55:38,160 --> 00:55:40,249
Oh! My movie could be
like every other urban movie.
1282
00:55:40,249 --> 00:55:44,645
Why? Take me, Lord!
Take me, Lord.
1283
00:55:44,645 --> 00:55:48,388
But I'm glad you got him.
Oh, Lord, my boy.
1284
00:55:48,388 --> 00:55:51,435
Dad, that's not me.
I'm your son.
1285
00:55:51,435 --> 00:55:54,046
Oh. Oh. Here, let me
wipe this evidence off.
1286
00:55:54,046 --> 00:55:56,178
Help me up, stupid.
1287
00:55:56,178 --> 00:55:59,530
Hey, so your mama told me
you play a little basketball?
1288
00:55:59,530 --> 00:56:01,619
Yeah, I mean, I do
average 25 points a game.
1289
00:56:01,619 --> 00:56:03,360
Uh, don't call me dad
till you make it to the league.
1290
00:56:03,360 --> 00:56:06,841
- Listen, I'm gonna need $20.
- What?
1291
00:56:06,841 --> 00:56:08,582
Oh, it's a
lovely day, MaDude.
1292
00:56:08,582 --> 00:56:10,758
MaDude: Well, damn.
- What's wrong?
1293
00:56:10,758 --> 00:56:12,369
Look at that
good-ass clothesline,
1294
00:56:12,369 --> 00:56:13,848
and I ain't got
my laundry basket.
1295
00:56:13,848 --> 00:56:15,807
The hell is wrong
with me? Oh, wait.
1296
00:56:15,807 --> 00:56:18,418
Oh!
Ah-ha! Still got it.
1297
00:56:18,418 --> 00:56:19,811
Impressive.
1298
00:56:19,811 --> 00:56:21,073
MaDude: That's what
I'm talking about.
1299
00:56:21,073 --> 00:56:22,379
I did not know
you could do that.
1300
00:56:22,379 --> 00:56:23,771
You know I hate coming up here
1301
00:56:23,771 --> 00:56:25,207
to see these poor folks
in all this heat.
1302
00:56:25,207 --> 00:56:26,774
Well, it's okay,
I'm a doctor and a lawyer
1303
00:56:26,774 --> 00:56:28,646
and I'm here to
make things better.
1304
00:56:28,646 --> 00:56:31,475
Boy, go on and head on home.
Ain't nothing you can do here.
1305
00:56:31,475 --> 00:56:33,477
MaDude, I just
don't know what to do.
1306
00:56:33,477 --> 00:56:34,695
Girl, what you mean you
don't know what to do?
1307
00:56:34,695 --> 00:56:35,783
I don't know what to do.
1308
00:56:35,783 --> 00:56:37,002
Well, what that letter say?
1309
00:56:37,002 --> 00:56:38,525
It says that he died
1310
00:56:38,525 --> 00:56:39,918
and he left something
for me in his will.
1311
00:56:39,918 --> 00:56:41,310
Well, girl, you know
exactly what to do.
1312
00:56:41,310 --> 00:56:42,703
You need to go get
that goddamn money.
1313
00:56:42,703 --> 00:56:44,009
What if it's not money?
What if it's a bill?
1314
00:56:44,009 --> 00:56:45,532
Who gonna leave you some bills?
1315
00:56:45,532 --> 00:56:46,968
Look, girl your dead deadbeat
daddy is dead.
1316
00:56:46,968 --> 00:56:48,622
Deadbeat daddy dead?
1317
00:56:48,622 --> 00:56:49,928
Deadbeat daddy dead.
Go ahead and get your money.
1318
00:56:49,928 --> 00:56:51,408
I'm not going down there.
1319
00:56:51,408 --> 00:56:53,801
Good things don't
happen to me. Okay?
1320
00:56:53,801 --> 00:56:56,369
A man ain't never
done nothing for me.
1321
00:56:56,369 --> 00:56:58,415
And now I'mma think he gonna do
something in his death?
1322
00:56:58,415 --> 00:57:00,329
This is too good to be true.
Look at this.
1323
00:57:00,329 --> 00:57:02,027
Girl, you know I can't read that
shit, ain't got my glasses.
1324
00:57:02,027 --> 00:57:03,550
Look, girl, look it.
You need money.
1325
00:57:03,550 --> 00:57:04,986
You know you need money,
everybody need money.
1326
00:57:04,986 --> 00:57:07,162
Look at this house. Look at
this cheap ass microwave.
1327
00:57:07,162 --> 00:57:08,816
W-- why you gotta talk
about my microwave?
1328
00:57:08,816 --> 00:57:09,861
You need to change
that attitude.
1329
00:57:09,861 --> 00:57:11,166
You gotta take care of this boy.
1330
00:57:11,166 --> 00:57:12,646
You gotta take care
of these bills.
1331
00:57:12,646 --> 00:57:13,908
Why don't you show him
what the letter say?
1332
00:57:13,908 --> 00:57:15,780
Yeah, you right.
1333
00:57:15,780 --> 00:57:17,303
Well, hey, Michael Jr.
1334
00:57:17,303 --> 00:57:19,044
How you doing, boy? You
sure do look good today.
1335
00:57:19,044 --> 00:57:20,393
- Hey, baby.
- Hey, MaDude.
1336
00:57:20,393 --> 00:57:21,960
Now, girl, you listen
to what I said.
1337
00:57:21,960 --> 00:57:23,527
Now you go get that money
like you supposed to,
1338
00:57:23,527 --> 00:57:24,963
and, baby, you take care
of your mama.
1339
00:57:24,963 --> 00:57:27,052
- You be a good boy, alright?
- I will.
1340
00:57:27,052 --> 00:57:29,010
Mm-hmm. I see you
got that good fade.
1341
00:57:29,010 --> 00:57:30,751
You got some money
for something, girl.
1342
00:57:30,751 --> 00:57:31,970
MaDude: But hey, you call me
'cause I want my 10%
1343
00:57:31,970 --> 00:57:33,362
when you get that money.
1344
00:57:33,362 --> 00:57:36,757
- Oh. Alright.
- What's wrong, mama?
1345
00:57:36,757 --> 00:57:40,674
My father just died and left me
something in his will.
1346
00:57:40,674 --> 00:57:42,459
But I thought you said
your father was already dead.
1347
00:57:42,459 --> 00:57:43,938
Well, he was just dead to me.
1348
00:57:43,938 --> 00:57:46,898
But now he's dead to
the rest of the world.
1349
00:57:46,898 --> 00:57:49,422
Everything's
gonna be okay, mama.
1350
00:57:49,422 --> 00:57:52,947
I don't know, baby. We're in
a real tough spot right now.
1351
00:57:52,947 --> 00:57:57,343
I'll figure it out.
Oh, my God.
1352
00:57:57,343 --> 00:58:00,302
I can't even pay the light bill.
What else could go wrong?
1353
00:58:01,521 --> 00:58:02,653
Come on, mama.
1354
00:58:04,829 --> 00:58:08,876
- What are you doing? Boy.
- Get up. Don't worry.
1355
00:58:08,876 --> 00:58:12,184
When I go to the league,
I'mma buy you a nice car.
1356
00:58:12,184 --> 00:58:14,360
Buy you a nice house.
1357
00:58:14,360 --> 00:58:17,102
- And better wig.
- A better wig?
1358
00:58:17,102 --> 00:58:20,061
Don't be playing about
my wig, boy. Keep dancing.
1359
00:58:20,061 --> 00:58:22,542
Get yourself hurt.
1360
00:58:22,542 --> 00:58:24,457
- Everything's gonna be okay.
- No, I know.
1361
00:58:24,457 --> 00:58:26,372
Don't worry.
I know what I gotta do.
1362
00:58:26,372 --> 00:58:29,418
Beverly,
she's got star power.
1363
00:58:29,418 --> 00:58:31,029
Oh, I almost forgot.
1364
00:58:31,029 --> 00:58:32,683
I wanted to tell you the story
1365
00:58:32,683 --> 00:58:34,598
of what happened
on MaDude's Halloween.
1366
00:58:34,598 --> 00:58:35,729
No, here come
the little children.
1367
00:58:35,729 --> 00:58:37,426
Now, Ham, you know better
1368
00:58:37,426 --> 00:58:39,211
than to give all this free
candy away to these kids.
1369
00:58:39,211 --> 00:58:40,473
Hell, you know how hard
I had to work
1370
00:58:40,473 --> 00:58:41,779
for some free candy
on Halloween?
1371
00:58:41,779 --> 00:58:43,128
I had to give candy
to get candy.
1372
00:58:43,128 --> 00:58:44,956
She had to get all up
on that pole.
1373
00:58:44,956 --> 00:58:46,740
My daddy backyard had a pole,
the big old telephone pole.
1374
00:58:46,740 --> 00:58:48,525
Swing around that thing.
1375
00:58:48,525 --> 00:58:50,135
I got me a Snickers bar, a Mars
bar, and a pregnancy test.
1376
00:58:50,135 --> 00:58:51,832
- Still came back broke.
- Baby, you need Jesus.
1377
00:58:51,832 --> 00:58:54,052
I got Jesus. Got splinters on
my inner thighs, too.
1378
00:58:54,052 --> 00:58:56,010
Knocked the pole down
too, big ass.
1379
00:58:56,010 --> 00:58:59,100
Trick or treat, smell my feet,
gimme something good to eat.
1380
00:58:59,100 --> 00:59:00,580
Always begging.
1381
00:59:00,580 --> 00:59:02,234
I like your
little nursery rhyme.
1382
00:59:02,234 --> 00:59:03,496
He's a cute little thing.
What you got there, here?
1383
00:59:03,496 --> 00:59:05,454
Oh, you got some Mike and Ike's.
1384
00:59:05,454 --> 00:59:06,847
You know what you need to do?
1385
00:59:06,847 --> 00:59:08,632
You need to get rid of
all that shit.
1386
00:59:08,632 --> 00:59:10,590
Now, you know, you didn't need
to do that to that thing.
1387
00:59:10,590 --> 00:59:12,374
It's hard to
play soccer with one leg.
1388
00:59:12,374 --> 00:59:14,072
Yeah, he's tryna to save you
from diabetes. It's okay.
1389
00:59:14,072 --> 00:59:15,856
Maybalene, get your brother.
1390
00:59:15,856 --> 00:59:17,466
Trying to keep your teeth
from running out your mouth.
1391
00:59:17,466 --> 00:59:18,729
Your mama be glad.
1392
00:59:18,729 --> 00:59:20,644
Boy, you better
shut your mouth up.
1393
00:59:20,644 --> 00:59:22,167
Don't let the devil use you.
1394
00:59:23,211 --> 00:59:25,736
Man 3: It's time to party.
1395
00:59:29,304 --> 00:59:31,480
Ooh, that's good.
That's some good, mm.
1396
00:59:34,832 --> 00:59:37,008
- What?
- You look how I feel.
1397
00:59:37,008 --> 00:59:39,619
- And how is that?
- Constipated.
1398
00:59:39,619 --> 00:59:42,274
Your prostate flaring up
on you again?
1399
00:59:42,274 --> 00:59:44,493
Shut the hell up, Moe. You know,
I ain't got no prostate.
1400
00:59:44,493 --> 00:59:47,453
- You do got a prostate.
- Y'all talking about prostates?
1401
00:59:47,453 --> 00:59:49,107
Sound a little too happy
'bout it.
1402
00:59:49,107 --> 00:59:50,717
Man 4: Real nice costume, dude.
1403
00:59:50,717 --> 00:59:52,806
Who the hell is y'all
and why y'all in my house?
1404
00:59:52,806 --> 00:59:54,591
We-- we're the frat guys.
1405
00:59:54,591 --> 00:59:56,549
You know, the frat guys
from up the street?
1406
00:59:56,549 --> 00:59:58,290
- Oh.
- We live in the frat house.
1407
00:59:58,290 --> 00:59:59,770
- You've seen us before.
- Pat 'em down.
1408
00:59:59,770 --> 01:00:01,336
Oh, I see, so y'all
just wanna come here
1409
01:00:01,336 --> 01:00:03,208
and y'all wanna see a woman?
That's what it is?
1410
01:00:03,208 --> 01:00:04,513
Man 4: Titties.
- Oh, titties.
1411
01:00:04,513 --> 01:00:05,645
Y'all wanna see titties?
1412
01:00:05,645 --> 01:00:06,994
Well, we thought you were a man.
1413
01:00:06,994 --> 01:00:08,474
- You thought I was a man?
- More like a monster.
1414
01:00:08,474 --> 01:00:09,823
- We were taking bets.
- Oh, okay.
1415
01:00:09,823 --> 01:00:10,824
Here let me
show you something.
1416
01:00:10,824 --> 01:00:12,260
No, don't do that.
1417
01:00:12,260 --> 01:00:13,827
Don't nobody
wanna see them Jurassic...
1418
01:00:13,827 --> 01:00:15,916
- Oh!
- Lord, have mercy.
1419
01:00:15,916 --> 01:00:18,092
- Those are real, dude.
- That's paradise right there.
1420
01:00:18,092 --> 01:00:19,441
That's Jurassic Park
right there.
1421
01:00:19,441 --> 01:00:20,573
- Like scrambled eggs.
- Come on.
1422
01:00:20,573 --> 01:00:21,661
Come, come reach your paradise.
1423
01:00:21,661 --> 01:00:23,141
Come bring your hands in here.
1424
01:00:23,141 --> 01:00:24,882
- Come on. Come, come, come on!
- Don't do it.
1425
01:00:24,882 --> 01:00:26,710
- You got to drop out.
- Get the hell out of my house.
1426
01:00:28,799 --> 01:00:30,278
Have some respectability
up in here.
1427
01:00:30,278 --> 01:00:31,845
I told you didn't wanna see
1428
01:00:31,845 --> 01:00:34,108
them old, Aretha Franklin,
long sleeve titties.
1429
01:00:34,108 --> 01:00:35,893
You better think.
1430
01:00:35,893 --> 01:00:38,896
You know what, I hate this song,
but it sure make me wanna move.
1431
01:00:38,896 --> 01:00:40,506
Move over there then.
1432
01:00:40,506 --> 01:00:42,682
Feel a little something.
I just can't, just can't...
1433
01:00:42,682 --> 01:00:44,031
Oh, Lord.
1434
01:00:44,031 --> 01:00:46,817
Just catch the spirit
a little bit.
1435
01:00:46,817 --> 01:00:48,253
Oo-wee, there it is,
there it is!
1436
01:00:48,253 --> 01:00:49,820
That damn show
ain't "Flashdance."
1437
01:00:49,820 --> 01:00:51,909
Oh, Lord. Oh, Lord.
1438
01:00:51,909 --> 01:00:54,825
Somebody call the exorcist.
The woman is possessed.
1439
01:00:54,825 --> 01:00:55,869
Whoo!
1440
01:00:57,871 --> 01:01:00,744
They got to burn
this whole damn house down now.
1441
01:01:00,744 --> 01:01:03,050
Oh, Lord. It's definitely
a ghost up in here.
1442
01:01:03,050 --> 01:01:04,486
MaDude: Show me how we do it.
Show me how we do it!
1443
01:01:09,361 --> 01:01:10,797
Don't you go in that closet now.
1444
01:01:10,797 --> 01:01:12,930
You know R. Kelly's in there.
Don't you do it.
1445
01:01:12,930 --> 01:01:15,454
Tiffany, y'all got
some good candy here.
1446
01:01:17,935 --> 01:01:19,414
Oh, Lord!
1447
01:01:19,414 --> 01:01:20,851
Boy, don't be trying to
scare nobody.
1448
01:01:20,851 --> 01:01:21,808
It was something on the TV,
just popped up there.
1449
01:01:21,808 --> 01:01:22,853
What nothing on that
TV. Shut up.
1450
01:01:22,853 --> 01:01:24,506
I saw it.
1451
01:01:24,506 --> 01:01:27,292
Oh, Lordy. Oh, Lord.
What was that?
1452
01:01:27,292 --> 01:01:30,208
I told you it was something.
It went from here up there.
1453
01:01:30,208 --> 01:01:31,905
Sound like somebody
up there fighting.
1454
01:01:31,905 --> 01:01:34,299
That's what I thought.
Really starting to scare me.
1455
01:01:34,299 --> 01:01:35,996
You know I'm scared
of everything.
1456
01:01:35,996 --> 01:01:38,390
MaDude, go up there and check
out and see what it is.
1457
01:01:38,390 --> 01:01:40,697
Oh, I ain't going up there.
Mm-mm. No. That ain't for me.
1458
01:01:40,697 --> 01:01:42,307
'Cause you ain't
scared of nothing.
1459
01:01:42,307 --> 01:01:45,527
Everything scared of you.
And I see why.
1460
01:01:45,527 --> 01:01:47,355
Fine. I ain't scared.
Look, I ain't never scared.
1461
01:01:47,355 --> 01:01:48,792
You ain't never scared?
- I ain't scared.
1462
01:01:48,792 --> 01:01:50,141
You ain't never scared.
Go get 'em.
1463
01:01:50,141 --> 01:01:51,969
I'mma go right on up here.
I ain't scared.
1464
01:01:51,969 --> 01:01:53,448
You done survived looking in
the mirror every damn morning,
1465
01:01:53,448 --> 01:01:55,015
you can survive that,
you can survive this.
1466
01:01:55,015 --> 01:01:57,801
- I ain't scared.
- You ain't scared of nothing.
1467
01:01:57,801 --> 01:02:01,543
Go on up there. Tell him to
smell you, that'll kill him.
1468
01:02:01,543 --> 01:02:03,197
Don't be scared there now,
now keep eating your candy
1469
01:02:03,197 --> 01:02:04,808
and watch the movie.
This a good one.
1470
01:02:04,808 --> 01:02:06,113
Watch they gonna go
in the closet right here. Look.
1471
01:02:08,942 --> 01:02:12,250
Oh, Lord. They not gon'
scare me in my own house.
1472
01:02:12,250 --> 01:02:14,034
I ain't gonna get got.
Oh, no, not today.
1473
01:02:14,034 --> 01:02:16,036
The devil
ain't gonna use me.
1474
01:02:16,036 --> 01:02:19,866
Mm-mm, he gon' get his ass
on outta here.
1475
01:02:19,866 --> 01:02:23,652
I sure hope ain't
nobody behind this here door.
1476
01:02:23,652 --> 01:02:25,742
When I open up this door,
'cause it's gonna be...
1477
01:02:27,569 --> 01:02:28,527
What the hell?
Oh-ho.
1478
01:02:30,050 --> 01:02:31,704
Ain't no clown chasing me.
1479
01:02:31,704 --> 01:02:35,273
Ain't no clown chasing me!
Ain't no clown chasing me!
1480
01:02:35,273 --> 01:02:37,057
I told 'em not to go in there.
1481
01:02:37,057 --> 01:02:40,626
Ain't no clown chasing me.
Ain't no clown chasing me!
1482
01:02:40,626 --> 01:02:43,977
Alright, well that's my cue.
Y'all better come on.
1483
01:02:43,977 --> 01:02:46,545
Oh, hell now, lemme see what
I can do to get up outta here.
1484
01:02:46,545 --> 01:02:49,591
Oh-hoo! Come on now.
1485
01:02:49,591 --> 01:02:51,028
Come on, girls. Come on, girls.
1486
01:02:51,028 --> 01:02:53,291
Moe, I need you to move.
Come on, Moe!
1487
01:02:59,558 --> 01:03:01,429
I hope I didn't scare
you too much with that story.
1488
01:03:01,429 --> 01:03:03,431
But back to Beverly.
1489
01:03:03,431 --> 01:03:06,695
You ever know people who can't
just say yes to a good thing?
1490
01:03:06,695 --> 01:03:09,176
Well, that's Beverly for you.
1491
01:03:09,176 --> 01:03:13,180
- Ooh! There they are.
- Hi. Hello there.
1492
01:03:13,180 --> 01:03:15,661
You's Beverly.
I, Leroy Black, Black.
1493
01:03:15,661 --> 01:03:18,403
You can call me Black.
This my seed.
1494
01:03:18,403 --> 01:03:20,884
Yes, I'm his daughter.
Flora Black.
1495
01:03:20,884 --> 01:03:23,060
You can call her Flora,
without the Black.
1496
01:03:23,060 --> 01:03:25,714
It is so nice to meet you all.
1497
01:03:25,714 --> 01:03:28,108
MaDude has told us
so much about you.
1498
01:03:28,108 --> 01:03:31,416
Well, it is so nice to
meet you as well, I think.
1499
01:03:31,416 --> 01:03:33,026
Put that away, Missy.
1500
01:03:33,026 --> 01:03:34,419
If they
knows you'se been reading,
1501
01:03:34,419 --> 01:03:35,855
they gonna sell you off
down the river.
1502
01:03:35,855 --> 01:03:37,117
Sell me?
1503
01:03:37,117 --> 01:03:39,032
I'mma take y'all by
the underground.
1504
01:03:39,032 --> 01:03:41,426
The underground?
Like the railroad?
1505
01:03:41,426 --> 01:03:44,821
To see y'all's new house,
and meets y'all's family.
1506
01:03:44,821 --> 01:03:47,214
Follow me easy.
Keeps your head down.
1507
01:03:47,214 --> 01:03:49,434
Shh. Bes quiet.
1508
01:03:49,434 --> 01:03:53,133
Oh, oh.
- Mr. Black, don't go too fast.
1509
01:03:53,133 --> 01:03:55,788
You know he got
the gout, and the sugar,
1510
01:03:55,788 --> 01:03:57,659
and erectile dysfunction.
1511
01:03:57,659 --> 01:03:59,183
I don't even know
how I got here.
1512
01:03:59,183 --> 01:04:02,708
That's a lot of information.
Okay. Hell.
1513
01:04:02,708 --> 01:04:04,884
So, I think this is just
constipation right here.
1514
01:04:04,884 --> 01:04:06,581
That's why he's walking
this way?
1515
01:04:06,581 --> 01:04:08,627
Yes. And you are just
the prettiest little thing.
1516
01:04:13,153 --> 01:04:15,242
I know you do not
expect us to live here.
1517
01:04:15,242 --> 01:04:17,027
This can't be real.
1518
01:04:17,027 --> 01:04:20,030
Uh-uh. Take us back to
the bus stop. We are going home.
1519
01:04:20,030 --> 01:04:21,945
But Papa done left this for you.
1520
01:04:21,945 --> 01:04:26,471
I-- I know it ain't much, but
it's all your daddy has to give.
1521
01:04:26,471 --> 01:04:28,690
Mm-mm, I would rather work
for Ellen DeGeneres
1522
01:04:28,690 --> 01:04:31,258
before I let my kids
step one foot in that house.
1523
01:04:31,258 --> 01:04:34,609
- What? Okay.
- Calm down.
1524
01:04:34,609 --> 01:04:36,089
This is bigger
than your mama's house.
1525
01:04:36,089 --> 01:04:37,482
You sure you don't want it?
1526
01:04:37,482 --> 01:04:39,266
Hell no. I don't want it.
Let's go, kids.
1527
01:04:39,266 --> 01:04:41,138
- But mom!
- But nothing.
1528
01:04:41,138 --> 01:04:43,096
Look at that water fountain
running all day and night.
1529
01:04:43,096 --> 01:04:45,490
You know what I'd have to do
to pay for that water bill?
1530
01:04:45,490 --> 01:04:46,665
Just do
what we always do.
1531
01:04:46,665 --> 01:04:48,754
And what's that?
1532
01:04:48,754 --> 01:04:50,625
- Don't pay.
- Don't pay.
1533
01:04:50,625 --> 01:04:53,628
Well, Beverly, you can at least
come and see the house, honey.
1534
01:04:53,628 --> 01:04:55,152
Just come on in and see inside.
1535
01:04:55,152 --> 01:04:57,589
I don't wanna come
and see inside this house.
1536
01:04:57,589 --> 01:04:59,286
It's-- it's-- it's got
a wobbler room.
1537
01:04:59,286 --> 01:05:01,985
- Not enough dirt.
- Not enough dirt?
1538
01:05:01,985 --> 01:05:03,508
Well it's got
pet chickens in the back,
1539
01:05:03,508 --> 01:05:05,118
and, and you got a trained pig.
1540
01:05:05,118 --> 01:05:06,859
- A trained pig?
- Yeah.
1541
01:05:06,859 --> 01:05:08,687
Yep, one thing
MaDude always tried to do
1542
01:05:08,687 --> 01:05:10,515
was help others,
1543
01:05:10,515 --> 01:05:14,084
but she always finds herself
in her own mess.
1544
01:05:17,435 --> 01:05:18,871
MaDude: The po-po is coming for
us. The po-po is coming for us.
1545
01:05:18,871 --> 01:05:20,307
You think
you ran a red light?
1546
01:05:20,307 --> 01:05:21,482
I didn't, I don't know
what the hell I did.
1547
01:05:23,136 --> 01:05:25,573
- Mr. Black! Mr. Black!
- What is it, Flora?
1548
01:05:25,573 --> 01:05:28,837
Look! Is that who I think it is?
1549
01:05:28,837 --> 01:05:31,928
It is! It's MaDude
on the TV tube.
1550
01:05:31,928 --> 01:05:33,755
Running from the whirly bird.
1551
01:05:33,755 --> 01:05:36,280
Oh, ho, them overseers
running her down.
1552
01:05:36,280 --> 01:05:40,110
They gon' chop her foot off when
they catch her. Run, Kunta, run!
1553
01:05:40,110 --> 01:05:41,981
I'm in the helicopter,
live in the air
1554
01:05:41,981 --> 01:05:43,852
during this exciting car chase.
1555
01:05:43,852 --> 01:05:47,682
Can we get a tighter shot of
the vehicle's occupants? Wow.
1556
01:05:47,682 --> 01:05:50,990
This feels like a scene straight
out of the movie, "Set It Off."
1557
01:05:50,990 --> 01:05:53,819
Where's my phone?
I gotta call her. It was here.
1558
01:05:53,819 --> 01:05:56,865
Oh, Lord Jesus, help me. Hello?
1559
01:05:56,865 --> 01:05:59,390
MaDude, is that you
driving that car?
1560
01:05:59,390 --> 01:06:01,174
Well, who the hell
you think it is?
1561
01:06:01,174 --> 01:06:03,872
Are you sure 'cause you, you
kind of look like Queen Latifah.
1562
01:06:03,872 --> 01:06:05,700
Look like King Latifah.
1563
01:06:05,700 --> 01:06:07,659
Look, I'm wearing Queen
Latifah's disguise
1564
01:06:07,659 --> 01:06:08,921
from the movie, "Set It Off."
1565
01:06:08,921 --> 01:06:10,357
Should have dropped me off.
1566
01:06:10,357 --> 01:06:11,489
MaDude: Well, you
know that's what I do.
1567
01:06:11,489 --> 01:06:12,707
I just steal from movies.
1568
01:06:14,622 --> 01:06:17,582
Well, you know the Lord say,
"thou shalt not steal," now.
1569
01:06:17,582 --> 01:06:20,150
The Lord is not being
chased by the po-po.
1570
01:06:20,150 --> 01:06:22,413
And I ain't stealing,
I'm speeding.
1571
01:06:22,413 --> 01:06:23,936
Well, I steal a little bit,
1572
01:06:23,936 --> 01:06:26,025
just 'cause I'm inspired
by stuff, you know?
1573
01:06:26,025 --> 01:06:28,506
Driving like you're on speed.
You slow down now.
1574
01:06:28,506 --> 01:06:30,595
Now if you want a smack across
your mouth, I give you one.
1575
01:06:30,595 --> 01:06:33,902
- Keep talking to me, old man.
- Oh, Lord. What is she doing?
1576
01:06:33,902 --> 01:06:37,819
MaDude, head to the North Star.
It's free peoples over there.
1577
01:06:37,819 --> 01:06:39,212
Tell the little man
to shut the hell up.
1578
01:06:39,212 --> 01:06:41,388
MaDude: Is-- is--
is Beverly over there?
1579
01:06:41,388 --> 01:06:44,609
She gone. She and her children
done gone back to Africa.
1580
01:06:44,609 --> 01:06:46,828
Didn't nobody go back to
nobody's Africa.
1581
01:06:46,828 --> 01:06:48,961
No, she done left.
She didn't want the house.
1582
01:06:48,961 --> 01:06:50,223
I don't know what's
wrong with it.
1583
01:06:50,223 --> 01:06:51,529
Maybe, it's too much for her,
1584
01:06:51,529 --> 01:06:52,834
but back to you, MaDude,
1585
01:06:52,834 --> 01:06:55,011
please pull that
car over, please.
1586
01:06:55,011 --> 01:06:57,230
Okay, fine, fine, fine.
1587
01:06:57,230 --> 01:06:59,493
Now I ain't giving up,
though. I got a plan.
1588
01:06:59,493 --> 01:07:04,455
Just pull the car over before
MaDude goes to jail.
1589
01:07:04,455 --> 01:07:06,935
Ooh. That's a good
idea for a sequel.
1590
01:07:06,935 --> 01:07:08,850
You ain't finished
the first one now.
1591
01:07:08,850 --> 01:07:11,723
That's-- that's a, that's
a nice sequel. I like that.
1592
01:07:11,723 --> 01:07:13,246
MaDude: Okay,
I done pulled over.
1593
01:07:15,379 --> 01:07:17,424
I thought you was supposed
to be meeting the Blacks?
1594
01:07:17,424 --> 01:07:20,253
Oh, hell, now they got me
out here meeting the Whites.
1595
01:07:20,253 --> 01:07:21,820
Yeah, you be about to
meet the Whites, alright.
1596
01:07:23,430 --> 01:07:25,563
Get out of the vehicle.
1597
01:07:25,563 --> 01:07:26,868
I think we should just give up.
1598
01:07:26,868 --> 01:07:28,653
No, no, no, no, no.
Hell no, fool.
1599
01:07:28,653 --> 01:07:32,222
You should know we have
no problem using deadly force.
1600
01:07:32,222 --> 01:07:33,658
MaDude: Look, if this works,
1601
01:07:33,658 --> 01:07:35,486
you meet me at the cabin
up in the mountains,
1602
01:07:35,486 --> 01:07:37,227
but if it don't, you tell Taylor
to put some money on my books.
1603
01:07:39,707 --> 01:07:41,100
Now what the hell
you about to go on and do?
1604
01:07:41,100 --> 01:07:42,928
Oh, I, I'm going
undercover, fool.
1605
01:07:42,928 --> 01:07:45,061
Okay, good, I'm about to
tell them you kidnapped me,
1606
01:07:45,061 --> 01:07:46,497
and I ain't had nothing to do
with none of this shit.
1607
01:07:46,497 --> 01:07:47,889
And by the way,
it ain't gonna work.
1608
01:07:47,889 --> 01:07:50,109
I'm doing everything in my power
1609
01:07:50,109 --> 01:07:52,677
to make it difficult
to arrest you.
1610
01:07:52,677 --> 01:07:54,505
Hold on there, Captain.
1611
01:07:54,505 --> 01:07:57,377
And what is that? What you got,
what you got all that from?
1612
01:07:57,377 --> 01:07:59,292
T.I. gave me all this.
MaDude: When you know T.I.?
1613
01:07:59,292 --> 01:08:00,772
This one, this from
the movie "Scarface."
1614
01:08:00,772 --> 01:08:02,295
He said, "Say
hello to my little friend."
1615
01:08:02,295 --> 01:08:03,775
MaDude: What is that?
1616
01:08:03,775 --> 01:08:05,690
Shit El Chapo gave me.
This shit all broke up.
1617
01:08:05,690 --> 01:08:08,388
Hold on now, I got a couple
more things. O.J. gave me this.
1618
01:08:10,173 --> 01:08:12,479
What's that?
1619
01:08:12,479 --> 01:08:14,960
I-- I like to choke my chicken.
1620
01:08:14,960 --> 01:08:16,527
I ain't have nothing to do
with none of this, officer.
1621
01:08:16,527 --> 01:08:18,181
- I'm putting my hands up.
- Out of the vehicle.
1622
01:08:18,181 --> 01:08:19,704
MaDude: Just shoot him,
just shoot him in the head.
1623
01:08:19,704 --> 01:08:20,748
Don't shoot me.
Don't do nothing.
1624
01:08:20,748 --> 01:08:22,707
Put your hands on the ground.
1625
01:08:22,707 --> 01:08:24,274
They don't reach down there.
1626
01:08:24,274 --> 01:08:25,710
Throw your feet in the air.
1627
01:08:25,710 --> 01:08:27,277
I-- I can't lift them.
1628
01:08:27,277 --> 01:08:29,496
And wave 'em like
you just don't care.
1629
01:08:31,368 --> 01:08:32,978
Come on get out of the car.
1630
01:08:32,978 --> 01:08:34,719
Get out the car, fool.
Out of the vehicle!
1631
01:08:34,719 --> 01:08:36,286
Oh, they 'bout to shoot me!
They 'bout to shoot me!
1632
01:08:36,286 --> 01:08:40,116
Oh Lord,
I don't have no bail money.
1633
01:08:40,116 --> 01:08:43,380
They 'bout to take her
to the king!
1634
01:08:43,380 --> 01:08:46,948
They 'bout to take you
to the king!
1635
01:08:48,211 --> 01:08:49,342
Next case.
1636
01:08:51,301 --> 01:08:53,129
Your Honor, she should be
coming in at any moment.
1637
01:08:54,173 --> 01:08:56,175
Ooh! Helluurr!
1638
01:08:56,175 --> 01:09:00,571
Dead MaDude walking
1639
01:09:00,571 --> 01:09:02,747
- That's not funny.
- It is funny.
1640
01:09:02,747 --> 01:09:04,966
Oh, Jesus. Lord, why today?
1641
01:09:04,966 --> 01:09:08,231
Your Honor, I is so sorry to
have troubled you this morning.
1642
01:09:08,231 --> 01:09:10,581
Now this is all can be just
throwed away, you know?
1643
01:09:10,581 --> 01:09:11,712
I'm gonna tell you a little
story about my cousin.
1644
01:09:11,712 --> 01:09:13,497
Her name is V'Gina.
1645
01:09:13,497 --> 01:09:15,020
Now you know, people always
mispronounce her name too.
1646
01:09:15,020 --> 01:09:16,761
Like they mispronounce
Judge Loreal.
1647
01:09:16,761 --> 01:09:18,632
People might wanna call you
Judge Revlon or something,
1648
01:09:18,632 --> 01:09:20,765
but you know, they, they call
her vagina. But it's V'Gina,
1649
01:09:20,765 --> 01:09:24,595
Uh, V apostrophe G-I-N-A.
It's V'Gina. V'Gina!
1650
01:09:24,595 --> 01:09:26,074
She can't even spell vagina.
1651
01:09:26,074 --> 01:09:27,467
That's what she trying
to spell, vagina.
1652
01:09:27,467 --> 01:09:28,555
Can't even spell it.
1653
01:09:28,555 --> 01:09:30,166
But we damn sure can smell it.
1654
01:09:30,166 --> 01:09:33,169
Y'all smell it?
1655
01:09:33,169 --> 01:09:34,474
Y'all heard?
1656
01:09:34,474 --> 01:09:36,781
- Dad, dad.
- Don't call me that.
1657
01:09:36,781 --> 01:09:38,609
Boy, you ain't smell vagina
since 1932.
1658
01:09:38,609 --> 01:09:40,567
How you doing, Your Honor?
Saw it this morning.
1659
01:09:40,567 --> 01:09:44,571
MaDude, be quiet, and
be respectful in my courtroom.
1660
01:09:44,571 --> 01:09:46,138
That means shut up.
- I understand.
1661
01:09:46,138 --> 01:09:47,705
I was just trying
to explain to you why my cousin,
1662
01:09:47,705 --> 01:09:49,446
she had been bullied by that
name. She 52 years old.
1663
01:09:49,446 --> 01:09:51,099
And I didn't want
that to happen to you.
1664
01:09:51,099 --> 01:09:52,710
Your-- Your-- Your Dishonor,
you know.
1665
01:09:52,710 --> 01:09:55,713
- I'm warning you.
- I understand. Uh, I'm just...
1666
01:09:55,713 --> 01:09:57,889
I'mma be quiet right up
here in your courtroom today.
1667
01:09:57,889 --> 01:09:59,412
Yes, yes, yes I am.
1668
01:09:59,412 --> 01:10:01,458
I believe
you gonna fry.
1669
01:10:01,458 --> 01:10:02,720
You better shut your ass up.
Just shut up!
1670
01:10:02,720 --> 01:10:04,200
Just shut up talking to me.
1671
01:10:04,200 --> 01:10:05,244
Shouldn't have ran
all them red lights.
1672
01:10:05,244 --> 01:10:06,811
- Bailiff?
- Mmm.
1673
01:10:06,811 --> 01:10:08,943
Keep your good eye on
this one. She's trouble.
1674
01:10:12,295 --> 01:10:15,298
Well, it looks like
that way to me, Your Honor.
1675
01:10:15,298 --> 01:10:17,387
Looks that way to me,
Your Honor.
1676
01:10:17,387 --> 01:10:19,954
This whole courtroom
looks suspect.
1677
01:10:19,954 --> 01:10:22,827
Matter of fact, this whole
courtroom looks suspect.
1678
01:10:22,827 --> 01:10:27,484
MaDude Himms, you are sentenced
to 180 days jail time
1679
01:10:27,484 --> 01:10:29,747
Judge Loreal: for attempting
to evade the police.
1680
01:10:29,747 --> 01:10:32,228
Your cellmate will be R. Kelly.
1681
01:10:32,228 --> 01:10:34,012
Oh!
1682
01:10:34,012 --> 01:10:35,492
He not my type, Your Honor.
1683
01:10:35,492 --> 01:10:37,058
You gonna be trapped
in the closet.
1684
01:10:37,058 --> 01:10:38,625
Followed by six months
of house arrest.
1685
01:10:38,625 --> 01:10:41,715
Then we will possibly
reevaluate your probation.
1686
01:10:41,715 --> 01:10:43,630
Don't reevaluate it.
Just keep it like it is.
1687
01:10:43,630 --> 01:10:48,156
Also... mandatory
church on Sundays.
1688
01:10:48,156 --> 01:10:50,855
- Not the church!
- Church.
1689
01:10:50,855 --> 01:10:52,291
Oh, Lord.
1690
01:10:52,291 --> 01:10:54,424
- Gimme anything but church!
- Church!
1691
01:10:54,424 --> 01:10:56,164
You 'bout to have
a religious love.
1692
01:10:56,164 --> 01:10:58,297
No, Lord, please gimme
solitary confinement.
1693
01:10:58,297 --> 01:10:59,690
Y'all got a bed
big enough for her?
1694
01:10:59,690 --> 01:11:02,214
- Gimme the electric chair!
- Church!
1695
01:11:02,214 --> 01:11:03,824
- We're gonna help you!
- No, we ain't.
1696
01:11:03,824 --> 01:11:05,826
Jesus!
1697
01:11:05,826 --> 01:11:07,741
Well, I know how
you feel. Believe me.
1698
01:11:07,741 --> 01:11:09,265
Well, I know how she feels.
1699
01:11:09,265 --> 01:11:11,484
Ha! Case Closed.
1700
01:11:11,484 --> 01:11:13,834
Yes!
1701
01:11:13,834 --> 01:11:16,881
I get to use my dick pump
all by myself.
1702
01:11:16,881 --> 01:11:18,839
Pornhub all week. Gimme one!
1703
01:11:22,669 --> 01:11:26,369
Not even God can save
your ass now, MaDude.
1704
01:11:27,935 --> 01:11:30,111
I can't believe
MaDude's going to jail.
1705
01:11:30,111 --> 01:11:32,592
I can't believe I lost the case.
1706
01:11:32,592 --> 01:11:35,987
I am the worst lawyer ever.
I'm the worst everything ever.
1707
01:11:35,987 --> 01:11:38,076
I mean, God, where are
you when I need you?
1708
01:11:39,295 --> 01:11:41,949
God.
1709
01:11:41,949 --> 01:11:44,691
Bam. He was incensed.
1710
01:11:44,691 --> 01:11:46,258
Pow! Wu Tang, nigga.
1711
01:11:46,258 --> 01:11:47,694
I can say nigga in heaven.
1712
01:11:51,350 --> 01:11:55,398
But you can't! I been me damned.
1713
01:11:58,314 --> 01:12:01,142
When God told
me to write a movie...
1714
01:12:01,142 --> 01:12:02,883
I never thought
the devil would show up.
1715
01:12:02,883 --> 01:12:07,714
Do you see the color of my suit?
Who the hell you think I am?
1716
01:12:07,714 --> 01:12:10,326
That's what I get
for not writing.
1717
01:12:10,326 --> 01:12:12,980
Perfect. Makes perfect sense.
The devil's talking to me.
1718
01:12:12,980 --> 01:12:15,374
Why wouldn't
the devil talk to me?
1719
01:12:15,374 --> 01:12:18,377
Well, I'm sensing
you kind of need my help.
1720
01:12:18,377 --> 01:12:23,251
How may I be of service,
Fairy? - No.
1721
01:12:23,251 --> 01:12:26,733
I have been
appointed by the Lord.
1722
01:12:26,733 --> 01:12:30,258
I'm delivered. I'm delivered.
I'm delivered.
1723
01:12:32,870 --> 01:12:36,003
Well, brother, if you don't
need me, I'll just go back
1724
01:12:36,003 --> 01:12:39,006
to the Proud Boys community
and Peckerwoods.
1725
01:12:39,006 --> 01:12:40,573
Hey, they love me over there.
1726
01:12:40,573 --> 01:12:43,620
I'm their idol.
Hasta luego, Fairy.
1727
01:12:43,620 --> 01:12:45,361
It's Pherry.
1728
01:12:45,361 --> 01:12:48,407
My name is
Pherry, Pherry, Pherry!
1729
01:12:48,407 --> 01:12:50,104
No, it ain't.
1730
01:12:51,497 --> 01:12:54,674
Damnit. This is BS.
1731
01:12:54,674 --> 01:12:57,024
I bet you never show up to
Kevin Hart's bathroom like this.
1732
01:12:59,157 --> 01:13:03,030
Write the vision, son.
Write the vision.
1733
01:13:05,729 --> 01:13:08,384
I finally figured out
what I needed to do.
1734
01:13:08,384 --> 01:13:10,298
I needed to write the movie.
1735
01:13:10,298 --> 01:13:13,867
So I decided to have
my assistant, Joy, write it.
1736
01:13:13,867 --> 01:13:16,479
With Joy around,
there's no need for AI.
1737
01:13:17,871 --> 01:13:20,787
Oh!
1738
01:13:20,787 --> 01:13:24,704
This is plot,
character development.
1739
01:13:24,704 --> 01:13:26,793
This is a storyline.
1740
01:13:26,793 --> 01:13:29,013
- Can we put that in the movie?
- Put what in the movie?
1741
01:13:29,013 --> 01:13:31,711
- A storyline.
- A storyline?
1742
01:13:31,711 --> 01:13:33,800
Yeah. Just-- just steal it.
Just put it in the storyline.
1743
01:13:33,800 --> 01:13:35,672
- Oh, yeah. Okay.
- Just write it down.
1744
01:13:35,672 --> 01:13:37,456
- Make me look good.
- Okay.
1745
01:13:37,456 --> 01:13:39,806
I can steal all things through
Christ who strengthens me.
1746
01:13:39,806 --> 01:13:42,853
- We stealing this.
- Um, you going to hell.
1747
01:13:42,853 --> 01:13:44,637
- What you say?
- Nothing. Mm-hmm.
1748
01:13:44,637 --> 01:13:46,334
Ooh. This is gonna be good.
1749
01:13:46,334 --> 01:13:49,599
We gon' use it all.
Just mix it up like a gumbo.
1750
01:13:49,599 --> 01:13:52,993
I smell WGA.
I smell Oscar.
1751
01:13:52,993 --> 01:13:54,604
Everybody gonna wanna
be in my movies.
1752
01:13:54,604 --> 01:13:57,084
Joy, when I blow up,
1753
01:13:57,084 --> 01:13:59,783
I'm not taking you with me,
but keep writing.
1754
01:13:59,783 --> 01:14:02,699
Oh! Oh! Write
this down! Montage.
1755
01:14:02,699 --> 01:14:05,832
Every movie need a montage.
A good montage.
1756
01:14:16,582 --> 01:14:20,543
Oh, Joy, how is
my screenplay going?
1757
01:14:20,543 --> 01:14:22,327
Oh, it's going.
1758
01:14:22,327 --> 01:14:24,329
Oh, but wait, wait, wait.
No, don't talk, more writing.
1759
01:14:24,329 --> 01:14:25,896
I just want to envision
myself in the words.
1760
01:14:25,896 --> 01:14:27,680
No, no, don't stop writing.
1761
01:14:27,680 --> 01:14:31,467
Ooh, it's gonna be so good.
Damn, I'm good. Damn, I'm good.
1762
01:14:31,467 --> 01:14:35,296
That's lazy.
Mm, I need this job.
1763
01:14:35,296 --> 01:14:37,516
I need this job.
I need this job.
1764
01:14:37,516 --> 01:14:40,084
Ooh, I like that.
Watch for that for me.
1765
01:14:40,084 --> 01:14:42,390
- You're so close to me.
- Yeah, we're very close.
1766
01:14:42,390 --> 01:14:43,914
This is close.
You, you read my mind.
1767
01:14:43,914 --> 01:14:45,655
This is exactly what...
We're on the same wave...
1768
01:14:45,655 --> 01:14:49,136
You're so physically
close to me.
1769
01:14:57,928 --> 01:14:59,712
Yeah. Yeah. Go down,
go down. Scroll, scroll.
1770
01:14:59,712 --> 01:15:01,932
- I'm scrolling.
- Oh, wait, wait. Stop, stop.
1771
01:15:01,932 --> 01:15:03,977
Too fast. Go back
up, up, up, up.
1772
01:15:03,977 --> 01:15:07,503
Yeah, yeah. Whoa!
So great. Oh, wonderful.
1773
01:15:09,635 --> 01:15:10,897
Oh!
1774
01:15:10,897 --> 01:15:12,333
Hey, this is Attorney Pherry.
1775
01:15:12,333 --> 01:15:15,772
The P is silent.
Wait, MaDude?
1776
01:15:15,772 --> 01:15:17,469
No, I-- I can't possibly deal
with MaDude today.
1777
01:15:17,469 --> 01:15:18,949
That's not on my docket.
1778
01:15:18,949 --> 01:15:20,516
I'm in the middle
of writing a screenplay.
1779
01:15:20,516 --> 01:15:22,518
Could you scroll please?
Thank you.
1780
01:15:22,518 --> 01:15:24,911
Oh, no, I couldn't
possibly do that.
1781
01:15:24,911 --> 01:15:25,912
Thank you.
1782
01:15:27,566 --> 01:15:30,090
Damn, that's good.
Oh, I'm a good ass writer.
1783
01:15:32,919 --> 01:15:33,920
That's so good.
1784
01:15:36,923 --> 01:15:39,012
Oh, Lordy, Lordy, Lordy.
1785
01:15:39,012 --> 01:15:42,363
Look at us here
just getting clean,
1786
01:15:42,363 --> 01:15:44,627
so we can be there with
the Lord in the end days.
1787
01:15:44,627 --> 01:15:46,629
You know, cleanliness
is next to Godliness,
1788
01:15:46,629 --> 01:15:49,545
and I know he love you
because I sure do.
1789
01:15:49,545 --> 01:15:50,937
Oh, Lordy, Lordy.
1790
01:15:50,937 --> 01:15:52,548
Make sure y'all get all
that dirt off you.
1791
01:15:55,594 --> 01:15:59,032
Oh, uh... Done seen too much.
No, no, no, we good.
1792
01:15:59,032 --> 01:16:02,209
Sure we should make this water
get us a little colder.
1793
01:16:02,209 --> 01:16:04,951
God. You know, I'm a old lady.
1794
01:16:04,951 --> 01:16:06,605
Only got so many of these left.
1795
01:16:06,605 --> 01:16:09,260
Alright, ladies,
two-minute showers up.
1796
01:16:09,260 --> 01:16:11,088
Let's go. Let's go, let's go!
1797
01:16:11,088 --> 01:16:13,830
Oh, I knew there was a God.
Officer : Come on. Let's go.
1798
01:16:13,830 --> 01:16:15,179
Well, it was so nice
to see you ladies.
1799
01:16:15,179 --> 01:16:16,615
Y'all go ahead.
Y'all get on out here.
1800
01:16:16,615 --> 01:16:18,008
Ladies, ladies, ladies,
cut that water off.
1801
01:16:18,008 --> 01:16:20,010
Y'all been here long
enough now. Come on.
1802
01:16:20,010 --> 01:16:22,665
- We in a drought.
- Stop your yabbering.
1803
01:16:22,665 --> 01:16:24,580
MaDude: Look Barney Fife,
I'm just trying to make sure
1804
01:16:24,580 --> 01:16:26,320
everything is where
it needs to be.
1805
01:16:26,320 --> 01:16:29,019
You're taking all day.
You want to go home or not?
1806
01:16:29,019 --> 01:16:32,762
Got me up here with all this
temptation, wetness, and water.
1807
01:16:32,762 --> 01:16:35,242
Just trying to be
my best Christian self.
1808
01:16:35,242 --> 01:16:39,203
Today's your lucky day,
MaDude. Let's go.
1809
01:16:39,203 --> 01:16:43,511
Ain't a jail alive
that can hold me, baby.
1810
01:16:43,511 --> 01:16:44,991
Where my shit?
1811
01:16:44,991 --> 01:16:47,385
- Is this yours?
- Hell nah, that ain't mine.
1812
01:16:47,385 --> 01:16:50,431
What the hell I look like?
You can keep that.
1813
01:16:50,431 --> 01:16:52,433
Well, I'll save it
for you when you get back.
1814
01:16:52,433 --> 01:16:54,610
Well, I ain't coming back to
here. No, no, no. No way.
1815
01:16:54,610 --> 01:16:56,481
Oh, but you know what?
You might be right.
1816
01:16:56,481 --> 01:16:59,702
I'll be back for
my next movie.
1817
01:16:59,702 --> 01:17:03,923
Free at last, bitches,
free at last! Oo-wee!
1818
01:17:03,923 --> 01:17:05,969
Look at the fresh air out here.
1819
01:17:05,969 --> 01:17:08,319
Damn, it is hot.
Hell is my family at?
1820
01:17:08,319 --> 01:17:10,060
There your ass is.
Why you late?
1821
01:17:10,060 --> 01:17:12,540
Just get your big ass in the
car, San Quentin Tarantina.
1822
01:17:12,540 --> 01:17:13,933
They gonna have your ass
right back up in here.
1823
01:17:19,112 --> 01:17:22,115
The end.
1824
01:17:22,115 --> 01:17:25,118
Ooh, Joy, this is fabulous.
1825
01:17:25,118 --> 01:17:27,947
Fool, this might be
the best thing I ever done.
1826
01:17:27,947 --> 01:17:32,822
Written by Taylor Pherry,
my P is silent.
1827
01:17:34,998 --> 01:17:37,827
Hey! Wha-- wha-- what the...
No, no, no, no!
1828
01:17:38,566 --> 01:17:40,960
No, no!
1829
01:17:40,960 --> 01:17:43,354
Let me tell you, computers
ain't like your stories, man.
1830
01:17:43,354 --> 01:17:46,313
- They need backup.
- Oh, please.
1831
01:17:46,313 --> 01:17:49,577
Stop praying, bitch.
He ain't gonna help you now.
1832
01:17:49,577 --> 01:17:50,883
What the...
1833
01:17:50,883 --> 01:17:53,886
It's like life.
1834
01:17:53,886 --> 01:17:55,758
The devil's in the details.
1835
01:17:55,758 --> 01:17:57,063
Says you.
1836
01:17:58,717 --> 01:18:01,111
Oh, man.
1837
01:18:05,550 --> 01:18:08,379
I thought you-- you
weren't happy with my work?
1838
01:18:08,379 --> 01:18:10,511
Your work
is pure joy, son.
1839
01:18:10,511 --> 01:18:14,254
It's probably best to say that
you were divinely inspired.
1840
01:18:14,254 --> 01:18:15,560
I was, wasn't I?
1841
01:18:15,560 --> 01:18:17,083
It's time to
go worship, son.
1842
01:18:18,432 --> 01:18:21,740
Yes, Lord. Yes, Lord.
1843
01:18:24,787 --> 01:18:27,267
What we're here
to do today is...
1844
01:18:29,400 --> 01:18:31,184
give it up to the Lord.
1845
01:18:31,184 --> 01:18:33,186
Amen.
1846
01:18:33,186 --> 01:18:34,927
All of our plans?
1847
01:18:34,927 --> 01:18:37,495
We give it up to the Lord.
1848
01:18:37,495 --> 01:18:38,670
All of our ideas?
1849
01:18:38,670 --> 01:18:40,803
Uh-huh, uh-huh!
1850
01:18:40,803 --> 01:18:42,892
We giving it up to
the Lord. You hear me?
1851
01:18:42,892 --> 01:18:44,154
- Lord!
- Hallelujah!
1852
01:18:44,154 --> 01:18:45,372
- Amen!
- Mercy. Mercy!
1853
01:18:45,372 --> 01:18:47,113
- Yes, Pastor!
- Yes.
1854
01:18:47,113 --> 01:18:51,596
Listen, now. All our wishes,
we give it up to the Lord.
1855
01:18:51,596 --> 01:18:53,163
- Up to the Lord.
- Yes!
1856
01:18:53,163 --> 01:18:54,773
- Hallelujah!
- That's right, that's right!
1857
01:18:54,773 --> 01:18:58,559
- Hallelu!
- And all of our money...
1858
01:18:58,559 --> 01:19:00,518
- Yes, yes.
- Yes--
1859
01:19:00,518 --> 01:19:01,824
You give it to me.
1860
01:19:01,824 --> 01:19:02,955
- To the...
- What?
1861
01:19:04,652 --> 01:19:06,219
- Are you with me?
- No, no, no.
1862
01:19:06,219 --> 01:19:07,612
That ain't gon' be it.
1863
01:19:07,612 --> 01:19:09,266
I thought we was giving
it up to the Lord.
1864
01:19:09,266 --> 01:19:11,268
No, thank you. Hallelujah?
1865
01:19:13,792 --> 01:19:15,272
MaDude: Helluurr!
1866
01:19:26,718 --> 01:19:29,939
No, Miss Celie.
Oh, Lord, have mercy.
1867
01:19:29,939 --> 01:19:31,331
The one day I come
to church, look at this.
1868
01:19:31,331 --> 01:19:34,508
The devil showed up.
1869
01:19:34,508 --> 01:19:37,511
♪ I've been sinning,
I've been sinning ♪
1870
01:19:37,511 --> 01:19:39,209
Think I done gone blind
for two seconds.
1871
01:19:39,209 --> 01:19:41,428
♪ I'm a heathen when
the devil get up in me ♪
1872
01:19:41,428 --> 01:19:42,429
♪ I've been thinking ♪
1873
01:19:42,429 --> 01:19:43,996
She going to hell.
1874
01:19:43,996 --> 01:19:45,650
- She going to hell hell.
- Like real hell.
1875
01:19:45,650 --> 01:19:48,044
♪ Moe got lice,
Moe got lice ♪
1876
01:19:48,044 --> 01:19:49,741
♪ All these Christians
in my face ♪
1877
01:19:49,741 --> 01:19:51,874
♪ And I'm feeling kind
of like a criminal ♪
1878
01:19:51,874 --> 01:19:53,440
♪ But that's okay ♪
1879
01:19:53,440 --> 01:19:56,008
She's shaking, she's shaking
her ass in church.
1880
01:19:56,008 --> 01:19:58,271
♪ Where that boy who got
that hair I don't like it? ♪
1881
01:19:58,271 --> 01:19:59,620
Thank you for my Pilates class.
1882
01:19:59,620 --> 01:20:02,449
♪ There he is, good day ♪
1883
01:20:02,449 --> 01:20:05,801
♪ And tight, yeah, and
I'mma go on, go on, go on ♪
1884
01:20:05,801 --> 01:20:08,499
Jesus, I wasn't supposed to come
to church today. That's...
1885
01:20:08,499 --> 01:20:11,807
Hi. Oh, ey, ey!
Come on, Pastor.
1886
01:20:11,807 --> 01:20:12,895
MaDude, you 'bout
to catch on fire.
1887
01:20:12,895 --> 01:20:14,331
Oh, Lord.
1888
01:20:14,331 --> 01:20:15,680
♪ Keep your eyes
off my fattie, Pastor ♪
1889
01:20:15,680 --> 01:20:17,900
♪ I don't want you no more ♪
1890
01:20:17,900 --> 01:20:21,512
No, no, no. Hey, hey. Hallelujah.
1891
01:20:21,512 --> 01:20:23,427
MaDude: Oh, they
got chicken at church.
1892
01:20:23,427 --> 01:20:25,211
If I had known that
I'd have been here months ago.
1893
01:20:25,211 --> 01:20:28,432
Hey, hey, must be
Church's Chicken.
1894
01:20:28,432 --> 01:20:30,521
Whoo! Moe got lice, y'all.
1895
01:20:30,521 --> 01:20:32,436
Killed 12 Clydesdales
for them boots.
1896
01:20:32,436 --> 01:20:36,440
Go ahead. Pastor on, carry on.
Praise and praise, do it up.
1897
01:20:36,440 --> 01:20:40,531
Mm,, Come on, Pastor.
Go 'head, preach.
1898
01:20:40,531 --> 01:20:42,272
Ladies and gentlemen,
we got a special guest.
1899
01:20:48,582 --> 01:20:51,716
- Taylor Pherry?
- Me?
1900
01:20:51,716 --> 01:20:54,284
It's your day to lead us
in prayer. Get on up here.
1901
01:20:54,284 --> 01:20:58,070
- Alright, alright!
- Get on up there, baby.
1902
01:20:58,070 --> 01:21:01,247
Alright. Thank you, thank you.
1903
01:21:01,247 --> 01:21:04,033
Huh! Ooh, I'm so nervous.
1904
01:21:04,033 --> 01:21:05,034
First, giving honor
to God and...
1905
01:21:05,034 --> 01:21:06,644
Amen.
1906
01:21:06,644 --> 01:21:08,559
And the congregation,
I just wanna say,
1907
01:21:08,559 --> 01:21:10,039
put your hands together.
1908
01:21:12,084 --> 01:21:13,390
Yes!
1909
01:21:14,782 --> 01:21:16,349
I wrote a movie, y'all.
1910
01:21:16,349 --> 01:21:18,047
Y'all wanna sing a song
or something for me?
1911
01:21:18,047 --> 01:21:20,136
♪ Can he do everything? ♪
1912
01:21:20,136 --> 01:21:21,485
Hey!
1913
01:21:21,485 --> 01:21:23,139
♪ Can he do everything? ♪
1914
01:21:23,139 --> 01:21:27,752
♪ Can he do everything?
Can he do everything? ♪
1915
01:21:27,752 --> 01:21:35,716
♪ Can he do everything? ♪
1916
01:21:35,716 --> 01:21:38,502
'Cause I can,
I can, I can!
1917
01:21:38,502 --> 01:21:42,158
Come on, Hoprah. Come on,
Hoprah. Hoprah, Hoprah, Hoprah!
1918
01:21:42,158 --> 01:21:49,687
♪ Can he do everything? ♪
1919
01:21:49,687 --> 01:21:50,731
Get out the way!
1920
01:21:52,385 --> 01:21:56,650
Where's my successor?
1921
01:21:56,650 --> 01:21:59,349
♪ Can he do everything? ♪
1922
01:21:59,349 --> 01:22:04,310
I crown, Taylor Pherry,
the new me.
1923
01:22:07,009 --> 01:22:10,099
And with me, thy will all come.
1924
01:22:12,840 --> 01:22:17,236
I wrote a movie
"Inspired by God,"
1925
01:22:17,236 --> 01:22:19,412
and it's coming out soon,
1926
01:22:19,412 --> 01:22:23,112
and each of you is gonna get
a movie premiere ticket!
1927
01:22:25,331 --> 01:22:28,160
And you get a ticket!
And you get a ticket!
1928
01:22:28,160 --> 01:22:30,554
And you getting a ticket.
Don't think I forgot about you!
1929
01:22:30,554 --> 01:22:32,817
You getting a ticket.
1930
01:22:32,817 --> 01:22:35,037
Y'all getting tickets!
1931
01:22:35,037 --> 01:22:37,213
You getting a ticket!
1932
01:22:37,213 --> 01:22:39,476
And that is my story.
1933
01:22:39,476 --> 01:22:41,304
The story of how I became
1934
01:22:41,304 --> 01:22:44,046
the world-famous writer,
director, actor, producer,
1935
01:22:44,046 --> 01:22:46,962
lawyer, doctor, handyman,
plumber, mover, shaker,
1936
01:22:46,962 --> 01:22:49,921
Grossmates delivery driver
you now know and love.
1937
01:22:49,921 --> 01:22:52,228
And I'll make sure
you also get a ticket
1938
01:22:52,228 --> 01:22:53,620
to my next church movie.
1939
01:22:53,620 --> 01:22:55,405
Coming to a theater near you.
1940
01:22:55,405 --> 01:22:57,494
♪ Can he do everything? ♪
1941
01:22:57,494 --> 01:22:59,409
Today was a God's Day.
1942
01:23:02,064 --> 01:23:04,588
Won't I do it?
Won't I do it?
1943
01:23:04,588 --> 01:23:08,766
♪ Thank you Lord ♪
1944
01:23:08,766 --> 01:23:11,812
♪ For all you've done ♪
1945
01:23:11,812 --> 01:23:14,859
♪ For all you've done for me ♪
1946
01:23:14,859 --> 01:23:16,687
♪ Come on, ya ♪
1947
01:23:16,687 --> 01:23:18,428
♪ Thank you, thank you
Thank you, I thank you Lord ♪
1948
01:23:18,428 --> 01:23:20,604
♪ Yes, you are so good,
you took me off the streets ♪
1949
01:23:20,604 --> 01:23:22,432
♪ Yes, there's no ghetto
here in Hollywood ♪
1950
01:23:22,432 --> 01:23:24,216
♪ You said this be the light
I know you're right ♪
1951
01:23:24,216 --> 01:23:25,957
♪ With you I know I could ♪
1952
01:23:25,957 --> 01:23:28,090
♪ Turn to your neighbor
and said, yeah, God is good ♪
1953
01:23:28,090 --> 01:23:29,656
♪ Folks won't go to church ♪
1954
01:23:29,656 --> 01:23:31,049
♪ But they'll name
their daughters Faith ♪
1955
01:23:31,049 --> 01:23:32,529
♪ Just to walk around
the house ♪
1956
01:23:32,529 --> 01:23:34,487
♪ and then say
they walk by faith ♪
1957
01:23:34,487 --> 01:23:37,186
♪ Let me make this statement
I'm thankful, so grateful ♪
1958
01:23:37,186 --> 01:23:40,015
♪ Turn pain into a wonderful
life 'cause God is able ♪
1959
01:23:40,015 --> 01:23:42,452
♪ I'm grateful ♪
1960
01:23:42,452 --> 01:23:45,455
♪ So grateful ♪
1961
01:23:45,455 --> 01:23:48,849
♪ I'm grateful ♪
♪ Come on, y'all ♪
1962
01:23:48,849 --> 01:23:52,331
♪ For all you've done for me ♪
1963
01:23:52,331 --> 01:23:56,509
♪ Thank you Lord ♪
1964
01:23:56,509 --> 01:23:58,642
♪ For all you've done ♪
1965
01:23:58,642 --> 01:24:02,298
♪ Ladies and gentlemen ♪
♪ For all you've done for me ♪
1966
01:24:02,298 --> 01:24:08,478
♪ Put your hands together ♪
♪ Thank you Lord ♪
1967
01:24:08,478 --> 01:24:11,350
♪ You've been so good ♪
1968
01:24:11,350 --> 01:24:16,399
♪ You've been so good to me ♪
♪ Come on ♪
1969
01:24:16,399 --> 01:24:19,445
♪ I was down, I was lost,
I was broken ♪
1970
01:24:19,445 --> 01:24:22,405
♪ When you called out my name
said I was chosen ♪
1971
01:24:22,405 --> 01:24:25,495
♪ Brand new life I found
You turned it all around ♪
1972
01:24:25,495 --> 01:24:28,280
♪ Now I'm singing hallelujah
'cause you saved me ♪
1973
01:24:28,280 --> 01:24:31,327
♪ I left my past in the past
I'm a changed man ♪
1974
01:24:31,327 --> 01:24:34,286
♪ So much joy that I have
I'm renewed, man ♪
1975
01:24:34,286 --> 01:24:37,159
♪ 'Cause you broke the chains
that were binding me ♪
1976
01:24:37,159 --> 01:24:39,465
♪ Now I'm free, I'm free
I'm free ♪
1977
01:24:39,465 --> 01:24:41,076
♪ I'm grateful ♪
1978
01:24:41,076 --> 01:24:42,555
♪ Yes, I am, yes, I am ♪
1979
01:24:42,555 --> 01:24:43,991
♪ So grateful ♪
1980
01:24:43,991 --> 01:24:45,297
♪ So ♪
1981
01:24:45,297 --> 01:24:47,082
♪ I'm grateful ♪
1982
01:24:47,082 --> 01:24:48,909
♪ For all, for all, for all ♪
1983
01:24:48,909 --> 01:24:51,869
♪ For all you've done for me ♪
1984
01:24:51,869 --> 01:24:55,264
♪ Thank you Lord ♪
1985
01:24:55,264 --> 01:24:58,093
♪ If you're thankful ♪
♪ For all you've done ♪
1986
01:24:58,093 --> 01:25:02,009
♪ Make some noise ♪
♪ For all you've done for me ♪
1987
01:25:02,009 --> 01:25:08,103
♪ 'Cause he's been too good ♪
♪ Thank you Lord ♪
1988
01:25:08,103 --> 01:25:11,193
♪ You've been so good ♪
♪ Yes, He has ♪
1989
01:25:11,193 --> 01:25:16,111
♪ You've been so good to me ♪
♪ Come on, come on, yo ♪
1990
01:25:16,111 --> 01:25:19,026
♪ Thank God, you're good,
we here, we can ♪
1991
01:25:19,026 --> 01:25:22,029
♪ Live in Christ,
you omnipotent ♪
1992
01:25:22,029 --> 01:25:24,423
♪ You been so good,
this gonna be our year ♪
1993
01:25:24,423 --> 01:25:28,079
♪ Let the world see you dance,
the party's over here ♪
1994
01:25:28,079 --> 01:25:30,342
♪ I thank you God
I thank you much ♪
1995
01:25:30,342 --> 01:25:33,128
♪ We got our power back
and now we can't be touched ♪
1996
01:25:33,128 --> 01:25:36,479
♪ It's amazing what you done,
thank you for your son ♪
1997
01:25:36,479 --> 01:25:39,612
♪ I'm grateful I gotta get
these words off my tongue ♪
1998
01:25:39,612 --> 01:25:45,488
♪ Thank you Lord ♪
♪ For all you've done ♪
1999
01:25:45,488 --> 01:25:49,056
♪ For all you've done ♪
♪ For all you've done for me ♪
2000
01:25:49,056 --> 01:25:51,537
♪ For all you've done for me ♪
2001
01:25:51,537 --> 01:25:54,845
♪ Thank you Lord ♪
2002
01:25:54,845 --> 01:25:57,761
♪ Sing it out ♪
♪ You've been so good ♪
2003
01:25:57,761 --> 01:26:01,678
♪ So good ♪
♪ You've been so good to me ♪
2004
01:26:01,678 --> 01:26:03,984
♪ Oh, thank you Jesus ♪
2005
01:26:03,984 --> 01:26:05,160
♪ Whoo! ♪
2006
01:26:07,858 --> 01:26:09,729
♪ Judge said half ♪
2007
01:26:09,729 --> 01:26:11,035
♪ Yes, she did ♪
2008
01:26:11,035 --> 01:26:12,602
♪ Judge said half ♪
2009
01:26:12,602 --> 01:26:14,125
♪ Yes, she did ♪
2010
01:26:14,125 --> 01:26:15,648
♪ Judge said half ♪
2011
01:26:15,648 --> 01:26:17,302
♪ Yes, she did, yes ♪
2012
01:26:17,302 --> 01:26:19,739
♪ Judge said half ♪
2013
01:26:21,263 --> 01:26:22,742
♪ Judge said half ♪
2014
01:26:22,742 --> 01:26:24,266
♪ Not one percent but half ♪
2015
01:26:24,266 --> 01:26:25,832
♪ Judge said half ♪
2016
01:26:25,832 --> 01:26:27,443
♪ Not two percent but half ♪
2017
01:26:27,443 --> 01:26:28,922
♪ Judge said half ♪
2018
01:26:28,922 --> 01:26:30,446
♪ Cut it all in half ♪
2019
01:26:30,446 --> 01:26:33,579
♪ Judge said half ♪
♪ Come on ♪
2020
01:26:33,579 --> 01:26:46,070
♪ Judge said half ♪
♪ Judge said half ♪
2021
01:26:46,070 --> 01:26:49,116
♪ Judge said half ♪
♪ Fifty percent ♪
2022
01:26:49,116 --> 01:26:51,380
♪ Judge said half ♪
2023
01:26:51,380 --> 01:26:52,729
♪ Cut it all in half ♪
2024
01:26:52,729 --> 01:26:55,993
♪ Judge said half ♪
2025
01:28:11,024 --> 01:28:17,379
♪ Oh, Lord, I'll trust in you ♪
2026
01:28:17,379 --> 01:28:22,297
♪ Oh, Lord, I'll trust you ♪
2027
01:28:23,950 --> 01:28:30,087
♪ Oh, Lord, I'll trust in you ♪
2028
01:28:30,087 --> 01:28:35,135
♪ Oh, Lord, I'll trust you ♪
2029
01:29:04,121 --> 01:29:10,519
♪ Oh, Lord, I'll trust in you ♪
2030
01:29:10,519 --> 01:29:14,914
♪ Oh, Lord, I'll trust you ♪
2031
01:29:16,916 --> 01:29:23,314
♪ Oh, Lord, I'll trust in you ♪
2032
01:29:23,314 --> 01:29:28,667
♪ Oh, Lord, I'll trust you ♪