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(mysterious music)
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(dramatic music)
(suspenseful music)
(clock ticking)
[Mysterious Voice] Please state
your name and date of birth.
Who are you?
What do you even want?
[Mysterious Voice] Answer the question please.
It's the 10th of November 1983.
My name's Gary.
[Mysterious Voice] Your full name.
My full name's Gary Pratt.
(voice snickers)
[Mysterious Voice] What were you doing
at your father's address?
I already told the hooligan that brought me in here.
I don't have to say anything until my lawyer gets here.
[Mysterious Voice] I'm afraid that's not possible.
Why is it not possible?
How can you expect me to cooperate with you
if you won't even tell me why I'm here?
I'm not saying another word until my lawyer gets here.
I know my rights.
[Mysterious Voice] We are not law enforcement,
so we're not bound to follow the legal procedures
of the police force or anything you may think you know.
Well, who are you?
- [Mysterious Voice] We are something much more top secret
and advanced than the police force.
What like MI6?
The Illuminati?
It's Freemasons, isn't it?
[Mysterious Voice] We are an organization
that's over a hundred years old.
Okay, Boy Scouts.
- [Mysterious Voice] We investigate unexplained phenomenon
that is in the interest of national security.
But make no mistake, Gary Pratt.
We do have the power to keep you here
for an exceptionally any long time
if you fail to cooperate with us,
including the remainder of your natural life.
So will you cooperate?
(clock ticking)
Do I have a choice?
[Mysterious Voice] Will you cooperate?
Yes.
[Mysterious Voice] Good.
I'll ask you again.
What were you doing at your father's address?
It's a long story.
[Mysterious Voice] Proceed.
(clock ticking)
Oh, well I guess it all started when I decided,
fed up with being me,
and I was trying to take my own life,
and I couldn't even do that properly.
(dramatic music)
(traffic roaring)
(engine sputtering)
(Gary sighs)
(car door slams)
(light rock music)
(cellphone ringing)
Dazza!
You all right, mate?
What? Tonight?
Nah, nah.
I'm just gonna have a bit of a chilled one.
Yeah, yeah.
Dynamite?
No, I chucked her months ago, mate.
Well, when you got the keys to the sweet shop,
you don't wanna keep stuffing your face
full of crunches now, do ya? (laughs)
Nah.
Yeah.
You with the lads?
Eggy, Pops.
The old Popsicle. Yeah.
Nah, you guys have a good one.
No, no, it's fine.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
See you later. Bye bye.
Bye, bye, bye.
Bye, bye.
Buh, buh, buh.
Buh, buh, buh, buh.
Yeah.
Nutters.
(light rock music)
Dynamite, it's Tommy.
Do you fancy a-(cellphone beeps)
(light rock music)
(door clicks shut)
(keys jingle)
(clock ticking)
(Gary sighing)
(traffic roaring)
(alarm blaring)
(Gary sighs)
Fuck!
(traffic roaring)
(wallet thuds)
Excuse me.
Excuse me, you dropped your purse.
(woman shouts)
(woman muttering)
Wait, wait.
Stop, stop, stop,
Stop, I just found it down there.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
(woman speaking in foreign language)
That's all right, that's fine.
No, no, no. That's fine.
(woman speaking in foreign language)
Honestly, just.
- I'm just waiting for the bus. - No, no, no, no.
(woman speaking in foreign language)
It's fine, you keep that.
[Woman] Okay.
(woman speaking in foreign language)
Actually is there any chance you can make it 20?
You just greedy!
(traffic roaring)
You Tommy Pratt, mate?
Yeah.
I’m a notifier from Heinlein and Asimov, the law firm.
How'd you find me?
I asked around.
Everyone around here knows who you are.
Oh.
Yeah, you're the bum that lives in the van.
Formerly lived in the van.
I got a letter for you.
If that's Dynamite,
tell her I'm keeping the handcuffs
so she can keep the beads.
They are not coming into my house.
I know where they've been, mate.
(Tommy smacking lips)
Your dad's dead.
Yeah, I opened it.
Basically what it says is we can't find a copy of the will.
It's somewhere in the office.
No one can find it.
He's got a copy up north at his property.
You need to go get that.
Get it back to us.
Until then, you ain’t getting shit.
Well, I won't bother reading it.
Hey, you just gave us the gist.
Whatever, mate.
Have a nice day, yeah? See ya.
(traffic roaring)
(telephones ringing)
Gary Pratt!
Don't walk passed my door.
Get in here now.
What fucking time do you call this?
You haven't been late once, twice, three times,
four times in the past two weeks.
Do you know what?
No, it's not good enough.
When you're here, what do you do?
You're half-assed.
You've got no interest in the job.
You're an absolute disgrace.
We have got a presentation in one hour.
Tell me, your boss,
what you have done for that presentation.
No, no. Don't bother.
I'll tell you.
Fuck all.
Carol, I missed my bus.
But I missed the bus.
Do you know how many times
I've heard this in my career here over 15 years?
You sure there wasn't some leaves outside your front door
that you were gonna trip on
maybe a little bit of snow through the summer?
They're excuses and I don't want to hear them.
You're a bloody disgrace.
Do you wanna know something?
Do you wanna know?
You will never have fuck all.
(traffic roaring)
(door clicks shut)
(toy car whirring)
(dramatic music)
(clock chiming)
(Gary sighs)
(water splashing)
(electricity clicks off)
(Gary sighing)
(suspenseful music)
(telephone ringing)
Fuck!
Hello?
[Tommy] Operation War Thunder.
(bottles clang)
(clock ticking)
(solemn piano music)
(ice cubes rattling)
(solemn music continues)
(flames crackling)
(telephone ringing)
Hello?
[Boss] Five times.
Now it's five times in a few weeks that you've been late.
Where the fucking hell are you this time?
Can you see what you're doing to me?
Yeah, just running a bit late.
Um, just had some really bad news.
[Boss] Oh, bad news. Are we?
It's always something.
All right, so it's not that the buses are late.
No, you've had some bad news.
I don't care what the bad news is.
- Yeah. - I want you-
I'll just get my stuff together.
[Boss] In the office now!
Just gotta get my...
Brother.
[Boss] Your brother?
Your brother, Gary Pratt?
No, nevermind your brother.
I would like you to actually come in and funny enough-
- Actually. - Come in to work-
I'm not gonna be in for a bit.
[Boss] In this office now!
Oh, fuck off.
(upbeat rock music)
♪ You better leave, aha ♪
♪ You better leave ♪
♪ Yeah, you better leave ♪
♪ Well, I told you all before ♪
♪ Ain't nothing wrong with being alone ♪
(upbeat rock music)
(metal creaking)
(birds chirping)
(intense music)
(dramatic music)
Dad's dead.
Yeah, I know.
You said the code word.
I didn't know if you'd still remember.
(birds chirping)
Sorry about Ashley.
Who?
It's been a long time.
Yeah, it has.
Shall we?
Yeah, I think it's for the best.
(birds chirping)
Fucking hell!
(dramatic music)
Oh, that guy. (laughs)
Yeah, I found him in a cupboard.
I reckon I nicked him from school
to scare the old dears down the dance hall.
I thought it was Dad.
Nah.
Dad's over there.
(dramatic music)
Fuck me!
What the hell is Dad still doing here?
I don't know.
He was there when I found him.
Have you even bothered to call an undertaker?
They're on strike.
What the fuck are you even on about?
Well, first the junior doctors and the trains
and the postal service.
Now the undertakers.
I don't know. The country's a mess.
I don't believe this.
Hang on.
So you didn't find him?
No, I got a letter.
If you didn't find him, who did?
(doorbell rings)
(door creaks)
Hello there.
I'm Mrs. Helen Geraldine Wells.
I'm your father's nearest neighbor.
I live through the woods over there.
I thought I'd better come and introduce myself.
I thought you boys would come.
Oh nice. Come in.
Uh, actually, it's a bit of a mess inside.
Maybe we shouldn't?
Oh.
Oh, don't worry about the mess.
Oh, I've seen it messy several times.
Your father was always a messy one.
In fact, on multiple occasions I've had to come and tidy up.
Oh, look at him.
He looks so peaceful still.
Right where I left him.
It was you that found him?
Yes.
Well, I come over in the mornings to offer him some muesli.
Well, one morning I came over
and he was down there on the floor.
I always offered him muesli.
You can never have too much muesli for good of his health.
But your father wouldn't listen.
Couldn't leave him lying there.
So I popped him back in his favorite chair.
And did you call the undertaker?
They were on strike.
Told you.
Oh, it's lovely having you two boys back at the cottage.
Your father, you have no idea how much he missed you.
Well, I know there was a falling out
and it's none of my business.
But he would've loved nothing better
than to have you two back here together.
Yes, well, uh...
Assume you're staying here.
Uh, yes, but not for long.
We just need to find the will.
Will?
You mean you haven't got one?
- Lawyer lost it, but we reckon it's around here somewhere.
Oh.
Do you have an idea what you're going to do with this place
when you find the will?
- No clue actually. - Sell it.
You can't sell this place.
It's been in your family for generations.
This cottage has always had a Pratt in it.
Yes. Well it's early days, so.
Well, like I said,
I'm only through the trees and I've got a car.
So if you need to pop anywhere
or if you want anything, you only have to ask.
Thanks.
Oh, I almost forgot.
Would you boys care
for a delicious mix of rolled oats,
dried fruit,
nuts and seeds?
Um, nah. We're all right.
- Oh, come on. Stop dilly-dallying.
Take it. Take the muesli.
Thanks, I guess.
Well, I'll leave you two to it.
Don't worry.
I'll see myself out the back door.
Bye for now.
See ya.
Oh, thank fuck she's gone.
We really need to do something about Dad.
[Mrs. Wells] Muesli!
She's gone.
(Mrs. Wells' voice echoing)
Now she's gone.
Okay, come on, Gary.
Think, think, think.
There really has to be laws about this kind of thing.
He was a fisherman, weren't he?
Yeah.
Burial at sea.
Are you shh...
Fine, grab his legs.
(water splashing)
- All right? - Yeah.
Beautiful, innit?
Yeah, well, it's hardly a burial at sea is it?
How was I meant to know the cops would turn up?
What, taking a body to the beach?
Great idea.
He's all right though.
He'll get to the sea eventually.
(water splashing)
Hard to think of things to say.
Yeah.
He was a good bloke though.
Always did us right when Mum died.
Yeah, he was.
Remember he took us fishing on that boat?
Yeah, you pushed me overboard.
That time at Dreyfus' farm then?
Yeah, you pushed me into the pig shit.
Kite flying. He took us kite flying.
He did take us kite flying
and you tied me to the kite and pushed me off a cliff.
Sorry, mate.
I don't know.
It just seems like whenever we're together,
nothing goes right for me.
(bird calls)
(bird feces splats)
(Gary sighs)
He would've loved all this though.
You’ve done really well.
Yeah?
- Yeah. - Cheers.
Let's make a move.
Looks like a storm's coming.
I know.
(solemn trumpet music)
(sheep bleating)
Old place ain't changed much.
He never threw anything away.
No.
He still kept all of Mum's old books.
Remember this?
Just me, you, and Dad at WrestleMania.
Wanna keep it?
Nah.
Well, we need to find the old will.
I'll take my room. You take Dad's.
Alright.
(Gary sighing)
(ominous music)
(doll creaking)
(clock ticking) (intense music)
(Tommy knocking on door)
[Tommy] Hey, Gary!
What?
[Tommy] Come and have a look at what I found.
(sighs) Geez.
Look at that.
Dad's old CB radio.
I thought you found something worthwhile.
Don't you remember these?
Dad was proper into 'em.
[Gary] Yeah.
Do you remember his handle?
Mm, War Thunder.
Exactly.
Do you think it still works?
I don't know.
Judging by the state of this, probably not.
Let's try.
(radio crackling)
Breaker, breaker.
This is War Thunder.
War Thunder's dead.
This is War Thunder 2.
Genius.
Can anyone acknowledge? Over.
♪ My name is Nigel ♪
♪ Nigel ♪
♪ And I live in a car ♪
♪ In my car ♪
Here let me have a go.
(radio crackling) (static buzzing)
Hello? Hello?
Can anyone hear me?
[Boss] It's me, Gary Pratt, you little bastard.
I knew I'd find you in here.
- God. - I am livid-
Let's just turn that off.
(radio crackling) (static buzzing)
Wait, what's that?
(radio tones beeping)
It should be a bad mic or something.
Sounds like a code.
(radio tones beeping)
Now, come on.
We ain't got time for this.
Hey.
(radio tones beeping)
Hello. Hello.
Come in. This is War Thunder 2.
Can anyone hear me? Over.
(radio tones beeping)
Can anyone acknowledge? Over.
So weird.
Oh, bollocks to this.
Come on. We've got better things to do.
Hmm.
(ominous music)
(upbeat rock music)
♪ Looking back through my old photos ♪
♪ There's a man that I can't recognize tonight ♪
(upbeat rock music)
♪ Open up and tell another ♪
♪ Is it me or is it in my mind tonight ♪
(upbeat rock music)
♪ Here he comes ♪
♪ The man in the mirror ♪
♪ Slowly getting thinner so eat ♪
(upbeat rock music)
(thunder rumbling)
(Tommy yawns)
You, uh, found anything?
Nah. Be there somewhere.
Beer?
Mind if I pull up a chair?
Yeah, it's half your house.
(chair creaking)
Some good memories back there.
Yeah?
Maybe not for me.
Like memories I'd rather forget.
The dolls?
Yeah, I forgot you had a phobia of them.
No, not just the dolls.
I mean this whole house
is like a time capsule of a miserable childhood.
Then why'd you come back?
'Cause I had nothing else to do.
(thunder rumbles)
I guess I didn't help with the childhood.
Honestly?
No you didn't.
I always did everything your way
no matter how much shit that got me in.
You didn't realize how hard it was
being the black sheep of the family.
[Tommy] You mean the adoption?
No, not even just that.
I mean, so when I first arrived,
Mum, I always felt that she really wanted me.
But Dad?
He had you.
He always had the son that he wanted.
But with Mum, you know,
she was the one that tucked me in at night.
She was the one that protected me.
She provided me with warmth and comfort.
And then she was gone.
When,
when she died,
it was like I was alone again.
That’s why I did all that shit for you.
I just craved to be wanted,
to be loved, to be useful.
Only just always backfired
and just everyone, everyone resented me.
I mean, I just,
it would've been nice
for once, you know?
Just once, you had my back.
Probably why I left when I did.
I just felt so ashamed of always being a problem child.
Except it wasn't me. Was it?
It was you.
I'm sorry.
I was an ass.
Selfish ass.
Yes, that’s putting it lightly.
You know, for what it's worth,
I'm sorry for putting them dolls
in your room at night giving you a phobia.
Fine.
I'm sorry I kept pissing on you at night,
making everyone think you wet the bed.
That was you?
Sorry, mate.
I was 15 years old.
You saw the amount of therapy
that they put me through just for that.
I mean, I didn't even have sex until I was 22.
Just in case it happened again.
Sorry.
Whatever.
It's fine.
It's gone, done.
But hey, you turned out the best in the end, eh?
Got a decent place
and you're a manager of a fucking car firm.
How good is that?
Not as glamorous as it sounds.
No, I tell all my mates.
I say my brother's, like,
high up in some sort of car dealership
or manufacturing or whatever.
I'm proud of you, man.
(thunder rumbles)
Can you believe how long
I've wanted to get all this off my chest for?
How long?
It's a rhetorical question, you twat.
Right.
Tell you what though,
I'm impressed you remembered the code.
Yeah. (chuckles)
Operation War Thunder.
Our little code for when Dad died.
Yeah.
No matter where we were in the world,
no matter what shit had come between us.
- We would always reconcile to sort out the family business.
Cheers.
(cans clink)
Mm.
(rain pattering) (thunder rumbles)
Ah.
So come on then.
Tell us about yourself.
I mean, you have a house, a job, a woman?
Man?
(laughs) I'm looking.
Yeah, there was a girl once.
Chloe.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
Everyone called her Dynamite.
Oh, she was great though.
You know when you meet someone that straight away,
you just know that's the right pick for you?
Yeah, love at first sight, right?
Ah, not for her. She was blind.
Oh.
So where'd you meet her anyway?
I mean, like met her at a club or on Tinder?
"Naked Attraction."
Romantic.
Yeah.
Oh well, there's plenty more fish in the sea, eh?
Right.
I'm sure we can both drink to that. Right?
(cans clink)
[Both] Cheers.
Another?
Yeah, go on.
I see the fire’s going out.
(dramatic music)
(door thudding)
(door creaks)
(dramatic music)
Fucking hell!
I thought you were outside?
You heard it too?
Yeah. There's someone out there.
Who?
I don't fucking know.
I'm stood right here.
Go and find out.
(suspenseful music)
(objects rattling)
They're in the house.
Don't worry, I know MMA.
That's fucking bullshit.
(suspenseful music)
I'm gonna barge in on three, all right?
Three, two, one.
- Wait. - What?
That door's not big enough
for the both of us to get through.
One of us has gotta go first.
After you then.
Fuck off, I ain't going first.
You just said you knew MMA.
Well, I was bullshitting.
I fucking knew it.
Fine, I'll go first.
Three, two-
Wait.
Fucking what?
- I couldn't live with myself if something happened to you,
not after everything we said tonight.
Fine, go ahead.
That's not what I'm saying.
I'm saying there should be a healthy competition
to get to see who goes first.
What the fuck do you want?
A round of tiddlywinks or snakes and ladders?
Oh no, we’ll just run ‘round the moors three times.
First one back hangs back, yeah?
Just keep it simple.
Rock, paper, scissors.
Fucking get on with it then.
One, two, three.
Shit.
Right, after you.
Three, two, one.
(dramatic music)
(both shouting)
(Mrs. Wells yells)
For the love of muesli!
Mrs. Wells.
Mrs. Helen Geraldine Wells.
Yeah. Whatever.
What are you doing in our house?
Well, I am rather caught, aren’t I?
Well, I don't want you to sell the house
so I was looking for your father's will.
I was going to take it to stop you selling it.
Oh, you found it? Great.
We've been looking all day for it-
Shh.
Mrs. Wells.
Mrs. Helen Geraldine Wells.
Mrs. Helen Geraldine Wells,
you really can't be breaking into people's houses,
especially at this time in the morning.
Well technically I appreciate that
and I'm sorry but I wasn't actually
breaking in as you put it.
See, I've got a key.
Your father and I were, you know.
What?
You know.
Shagging?
(Mrs. Wells gasps)
Don't be coarse.
We were lovers.
You and Dad?
Yes.
Well, when my Ralphie got sick
and he lost control of all his bodily functions
and I became his full-time carer.
Well it's, it's lonely out on the moors
and your father was a loving man.
We couldn't publicize our love when my Ralphie was alive
and well, when my Ralphie died,
your father died soon after.
Before we could,
before we could tell the world of our love.
(Tommy sniffles)
That's lovely.
So you see, you can't sell the cottage.
It's all I've got to remember him by.
(Gary sighs)
Well, I mean in a minute we can't even find the will.
So we don't know what's gonna happen,
but rest assured we will keep in touch.
In the meantime, you really can't be letting yourself in.
I apologize.
And I appreciate that.
It won't happen again.
That's all right. No problem.
It is getting late though.
Of course.
I'll see myself out.
Uh, if you could just leave the key?
If you insist.
(keys jingle)
You know, he never stopped loving you two boys,
and he kept on believing
that one day you two would find peace.
[Gary] I'm going to bed.
(crickets chirping)
(mysterious music)
(dramatic music)
- Gary. - Huh?
Sorry, I think I went off in a daze then.
[Mysterious Voice] We need to clarify
one part of your story.
(Gary clears throat)
Yeah?
[Mysterious Voice] You were 22
when you first slept with a girl?
Yeah.
[Mysterious Voice] 22 years old?
Yeah.
Not that I could see what that's got so to do with anything.
[Mysterious Voice] We have it on good authority
that you were actually 32 when you first slept with a girl.
Give or take.
[Mysterious Voice] Please keep to the facts.
Fine.
[Mysterious Voice] Did you have any animosity
towards the relationship
between your father and Mrs. Helen Geraldine Wells?
No, I hadn't seen him in years.
So whatever he got up to, absolutely no concern of mine.
[Mysterious Voice] But you confirmed
she was trying to steal the will.
It wasn't worth killing her over
if that's what you're trying to get at.
[Mysterious Voice] Tell us
when you found your father's will.
It was the following morning.
I had decided to go for a walk and take in some country air.
(gentle acoustic music)
(sheep bleating)
[Sheep] Pratt.
Gary Pratt.
Wanker.
(sheep bleating)
Okay, you know you were right about Dad.
He really did keep any old shite.
Look, your old slingshot.
Hmm.
Tommy Pratt, age nine.
It's nice, isn't it?
Tommy Pratt, age 10 and a half.
I'll never know why he stuck this on the fridge.
Any of yours?
No, thankfully I managed to get all my stuff out
before I left.
It was almost like I was never here.
It's no good. I can't find a will.
Maybe there was no will.
Yeah, maybe.
You know, I used to know this Chinese lawyer
because she reckons if there's no will,
it just gets divided out
between the last remaining family members.
Only after speaking to Mrs. Wells last night,
I wouldn't be surprised if the smitten old love dog,
he decided to include her in the will.
And on top of that, with Dad being Dad,
I reckon there could be two, three more women.
Ugh.
And then we'd have to divide it out between them as well.
Look at this!
Dad's old fishing gear.
How's about it?
What?
Let's go fishing.
[Gary] Why?
Because I'm bored
and I know it'd be a good way of honoring Dad.
And maybe we could just make a day of it, just me and you.
Yeah, fuck it.
(birds chirping)
Right.
Uh, what are we gonna do with this?
I dunno.
I think that bit goes in the water and...
Alright, let's give it a go.
You go and get some water.
Hey, look at this.
"To my boys, in the event of my death
"within this envelope contains my last will and test-"
It's the will.
Open it.
Bastard.
Does this mean I don't get my van anymore?
Fucking bastard!
Where you going?
[Gary] Home. I'm going home.
[Tommy] What about fishing?
Oh, fishing is for twats.
(birds chirping)
(explosion rumbling)
(suspenseful music)
Right.
(door creaks)
Mrs. Wells, we really need to stop doing this now.
Just whatever you're doing, just go back home.
There's been a complication with the will.
So just leave us to it, we'll get it sorted.
(creature tittering)
(suspenseful music)
Mrs. Wells?
Muesli?
Mrs. Wells?
(suspenseful music)
(creature slurping)
There you are.
What?
(dramatic music)
(intense music)
(creature howling)
(both grunting)
What are you doing, you twat?
What you doing out here?
Run!
- Go on. - Run!
Ah!
(dramatic music)
[Gary] Come on, hurry up.
[Tommy] I can’t, I’ve got gout.
(intense music)
(both panting)
Wait, wait. Don't turn on the light.
Why?
There's something outside.
What?
I, I don't know what it was.
It's just something in the woods.
Looked like it was eating her legs.
Whose legs? Mrs. Wells's?
I, I dunno. I can't be so sure.
This is a prank, innit?
Shh! Just keep your voice down.
This is a prank for all the times I fucked you up.
No, just shut the up. All right?
It's not a prank.
There's something out there
and it was eating Mrs. Wells's legs.
Ah!
You just said you didn't know.
What?
A minute ago.
You said you didn't know whose legs they are.
Now you're saying they're Mrs. Wells's.
It's a guess.
I'm guessing it's her legs.
Yeah, but how can you be sure?
Obviously I can't be 100% sure
'cause I didn't fucking study her legs, all right?
But given the fact
she's the only other person in this entire vicinity,
it's a good fucking chance, all right?
Muesli!
All right, you win.
She got two legs though.
She does look pretty rough.
We gotta go help her.
But what if it's not her?
Well, it looks like her.
[Mrs. Wells] Muesli!
Sounds like her.
Look, I definitely saw something.
It was eating her legs.
No. Come on.
We've gotta go and help her.
Oh, if you get me killed,
there'd be something I never got around to do.
(Mrs. Wells muttering)
You all right?
Muesli.
I really don't like this.
Something doesn't seem right.
[Mrs. Wells] Muesli.
No, we don't need any muesli.
Don't like the stuff.
Muesli.
She's not getting it, is she?
Muesli.
She's proper barmy, mate.
What are we gonna do?
I suppose we best call an ambulance.
Yeah, you don't look so healthy, Mrs. Wells.
You look more like Mrs. Ills.
(chuckles) Ills.
That was awful.
(Mrs. Wells muttering)
Well, you best go and get her, all right?
Fuck off.
Look at the state of her.
I'm not going nowhere near her.
It was your fucking idea.
Yeah, doesn't mean I have to go
and touch her though, does it?
She might cry rape or something.
I ain't going through that again.
(Mrs. Wells yelling)
I mean, she's hardly gonna accuse you of that.
More than likely it'll be just
because you put too much sugar on her muesli.
How is that?
(Mrs. Wells yelling)
Look.
(Mrs. Wells yelling)
What's happening?
(dramatic music)
(Tommy farts)
(Gary sniffs)
Run?
Yeah.
(intense music)
You saw that too, right?
Her face changed, man.
Yeah, what hell got into her?
Too much muesli?
Maybe.
What are we gonna do?
Dunno.
Hang on.
There's literally two of us.
Why are we hiding like a bunch of cowards?
Good point.
(door creaks)
(suspenseful music)
Mrs. Wells, you still there?
I think she's gone.
Mrs. Wells, I think you need a doctor.
Or an exorcist.
(crickets chirping) (suspenseful music)
Well, that's that.
She's fucked off. I'm going to bed.
(dramatic music)
Wait.
I thought I saw something.
Ah, fuck this.
- I just need to sleep. - Oh, come on.
I won't be able to sleep anyway.
We might as well go and help her.
Oh, sure.
I was suicidal a few days ago.
Hopefully this'll finish us off.
Look, I've seen "The Exorcist" six times.
All we gotta do is say a few prayers,
she'll go back to normal.
They'll gimme some sort of award.
I get my van back and everything will be hunky-dory.
Oh, fuck this.
Let's just forget it.
Why?
Because she's not even out here.
We may as well just go back home, get some sleep
and first thing in the morning,
we should get the fuck outta here.
(dramatic music)
But I need my van.
(creature tittering)
(brothers chattering)
(ominous music)
(dramatic music)
Do you ever get the feeling something's behind you?
Yeah.
(dramatic music)
(Tommy screams shrilly)
(intense music)
Turn the torch off.
Fuck.
Shit.
Shh, shh.
(suspenseful music)
(footsteps rustling)
I think it's gone.
(footsteps rustling)
No. Shh.
(dramatic music)
- Go. - Right.
(suspenseful music)
For fuck's sake.
What the fuck are you doing?
What? It might be my last one.
Stop fucking around. Come on.
(dramatic music)
(creature shrieking)
Wait, for fuck's sake.
- What? - There's something coming.
(dramatic music)
Hide.
(dramatic music)
Let's go.
What in the blue fuck sticks was that?
I dunno, but I'm calling the police.
I'm fucking fed up with this shit.
(telephone ringing)
I ain't ever eating muesli again.
(telephone ringing)
[Boss] Here we are again.
Where the fuck are you?
You are done, mate.
You are... Shut the fuck up! I quit!
Okay, come on, Gary. Think.
We need to get the word out somehow.
[Both] CB radio!
(radio static buzzing)
Hello, hello. Come in.
We have an emergency at the Pratt residence.
Can anyone hear me?
(radio static buzzing)
I repeat. Is anyone there?
This is War Thunder 2, three, or fucking four.
Just whatever. Is anyone there?
(radio static buzzing)
(strange voices echoing)
An alien.
Yeah, it makes sense now.
You saw Mrs. Wells get eaten in the woods?
Yeah.
Then whatever it is can take on human form.
That out there is not Mrs. Wells.
It's an alien.
But why would it land here?
It's happened before.
Do you remember that nutty man
that used to work with Dad down at the fish market?
Yeah, Billy the nutty fishmonger.
Yeah.
Wow, we were really on point with our nicknames, weren't we?
Yeah.
But yeah, go on.
One night he was sailing home.
He saw bright lights in the sky and he blacked out.
When he came to,
he went to check on himself and he found something.
(ominous music)
Yeah, what?
He'd grown a beard.
Huh? A beard?
Oh yeah, don't you see?
The aliens must have took him away for days.
What's that gotta do with us two right now? Right here?
Maybe we called it on this thing.
(radio static buzzing)
(glass shatters)
It's in the house.
(glass shatters)
Let's get outta here!
(dramatic music)
(doorknob rattling)
Shit!
In the bathroom.
Quick, in the shower.
Not like that. Come on.
(suspenseful music)
- Gay. - Shut up!
(suspenseful music)
(alien tittering)
(dramatic music)
[Barry] Hello, this is Big Barry’s Balloons.
Unfortunately, I had a helium leak in my van
and I couldn't quite come to the-
(high-pitched voice chattering)
(intense music)
(radio static buzzing)
Oh, if only you had a car.
- I've got one. - Where?
It's broke.
Then we've gotta get
to Mrs Wells’s house through the woods.
Fuck that. I'm not going there.
We've got to, she's got a car.
It’s the only way off the moors.
Fuck it. Come on.
(intense music)
(alien shrieking)
(dramatic music)
(alien shrieking)
- Ah! I twisted my ankle! - Come on!
On your feet, soldier! On your feet!
Cunt!
Long tall Sally built for speed.
She’s everything that Uncle John needs.
Oh, baby.
♪ We’re gonna have me some fun ♪
♪ Some fun ♪
- Gary, stop! - What?
Stop, I can't.
Stop being a pussy. Come on.
That thing's gonna kill us both.
Let me just slow it down.
Literally, just through the trees.
We can make it.
Just forget it.
Look, I've got nothing.
Nothing.
I've got no car, no house.
You've got everything.
You're a manager of a fucking car firm.
How cool is that?
Which I literally just quit.
Look, I've spent the last seven days trying to kill myself.
I'm a complete fuck up.
You're not a fuck up.
You're the best of us, man.
♪ You're the best around ♪
♪ Nothing's ever gonna keep you down ♪
You're the best.
Now fuck off and let me do one good thing for my brother.
- But, but-(Tommy shouts)
(finger squelches)
Just go.
(finger pops)
Fuck you, Tommy.
(dramatic music)
(alien shrieking)
Okay, you alien asshole.
In the words of my generation,
up yours!
(triumphant music)
Just a minute. I'm coming.
(Tommy shouting) (dramatic music)
(alien shrieking)
(suspenseful music)
Fucking muesli.
Yes!
I got him.
Tommy.
I thought you were dead.
I got him. I got him.
Right, well, I've got the keys,
so let's get the fuck out of here
and put an end to Operation War Thunder.
What?
We can go.
Let's put an end to Operation War Thunder.
It's done.
War Thunder?
Yeah.
(dramatic music)
(suspenseful music)
(dramatic music)
(alien growling)
(shrill tones buzzing)
(Gary breathing heavily)
(crickets chirping)
(dramatic music)
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
It's me.
Right, well say the codeword.
What?
Just say the fucking codeword!
Operation War Thunder.
But I'm thinking of changing it to Operation Dickhead.
Right, it is you then.
Oh, the fucking thing bit me.
I just fucking killed you in there.
Well, obviously not.
Get in the car. Let's fucking go.
(Tommy groaning)
- Let's just get outta here. - Yeah.
(car engine revs)
(dramatic music)
And that's everything I remember.
- [Mysterious Voice] We've been able to collect DNA samples
from blood found on a tree
which matched Mrs. Helen Geraldine Wells.
However, no trace of your brother Tommy has yet to be found.
We need to locate him as soon as possible.
He was in the car.
It was him. All right?
He said the fucking code. It was him.
[Mysterious Voice] Where did you drive upon leaving?
I can't remember.
I've told you this.
(door creaks)
(footsteps thudding)
And you are?
[Dr. Zhang] Hello Gary, I'm Dr. Zhang.
I've been studying your case
and I can see it's having quite the effect on you.
There's a woman dead, my brother's missing.
He's probably been eaten by a fucking alien.
Of course it's had an effect on me.
You gotta get me out of here.
You've got no idea what this thing's capable of.
[Dr. Zhang] Unfortunately, I've just signed the papers
to keep you here for at least another six weeks.
- Six weeks? - I'm afraid so.
(suspenseful music)
(alien slurping)
(dramatic music)
(intense music)
(upbeat rock music)
(bluesy rock music)
♪ I wake up in the morning ♪
♪ Got mud inside my socks ♪
♪ Got a head full of ideas but I think that I forgot ♪
♪ You better leave my mind alone ♪
♪ Well I told you all before ♪
♪ Ain't wrong with being alone ♪
♪ I went down to the station to find myself a train ♪
♪ They found I had no ticket ♪
♪ They kicked me straight off again ♪
♪ You better leave my mind alone ♪
♪ Well I told you all before ♪
♪ Ain't nothing wrong with being alone ♪
(bluesy rock music)