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My name is Maddalena, I'm 30 years old,
and I do not like anything about myself.
Starting with my body. It's a far cry from the ones seen in commercials,
which is why I don't like it and I'm sure men don't either.
I'm single, but I share my apartment with Stefano,
a roommate I would describe as shitty?
He's lazy. He lives his life like a videogame,
in which I always lose.
My mother, Grazia, is the parish's queen.
A widow with two daughters, me and my sister Maria
who is skinny, married, has one child and another on the way.
Madda, please don't. Carbs will make you fat.
-You need to eat for two. -Thanks, Mom.
Can you guess who her favorite is?
I work for a publishing house as a temp.
My contract is as uncertain as my mental health
because I work a lot and make very little, and get treated...
-Thanks. -...like a doormat.
Except by him.
I'm a ghostwriter.
Basically I write books for people who can't do it themselves...
Drink herbal tea, bitches!
... and sometimes don't even read them.
Buy the book to get a photo with Samantha.
This rectangular object made of paper that you can flip through
and buy is called a book.
We've given you our best writer.
It feels like you stepped inside my head.
I thought it was empty, but no, she was in there!
Of course, I always fall for the wrong guy.
You're sharp, clever, deep.
Let's fuck.
Or maybe it's me. Maybe I'm the problem.
STILL FABULOUS
It's you.
Who else would it be?
What's all this for?
It's fat-reducing. Helps take the weight off.
Does the reason for this torture have a name?
Not that asshole Donato?
He's not an asshole.
You're about to freeze-dry your self-esteem again.
I hate having to pick up the crumbs of your self-respect.
You can't even brush your own teeth.
This is an eco-friendly toothbrush.
Anyways, Donato and his wife are separating.
He's taking me out this weekend for the first time.
Just the two of us.
Maddalena?
You know, I'm really...
turned on.
Why don't you undress for me?
-Okay. -Room, turn up the music.
Feeling shy?
Even in a baggy tee, you're beautiful. Come here.
You first.
Use your mouth.
What happened?
Room, turn off the lights.
Room, turn on the lights.
-Why? -I like dim lighting.
I don't.
I like to see what I'm doing.
-Okay, no... -What is it?
It can't be like this, Maddalena.
Do you want me to tie you up? Do you want to start off with a sex toy?
Should I spank you?
We could watch porn.
Too much?
Well,
I give up.
I've never been with a woman like you.
What...
What do you mean by that?
A smart woman, a good girl who doesn't care about sex.
That's all.
What is it?
If you don't mind, I'm going to go to sleep.
See you at breakfast.
Room, turn off the lights.
Fuck!
Ste!
-Use a pot to heat up food! -I'd have to wash them after.
-I fucked up with Donato. -No shit.
Don't make that face. I'm not good at comforting people.
-Plus, I'm busy talking to a hot guy. -Come on!
It was a disaster. He said I'm not sexy.
He even asked me to watch porn!
Why not? I do it all the time.
Am I the only one who's never watched porn?
This cake is delicious.
Where are you going?
That's my space cake. There's weed in it.
Be careful. It's too much for you.
Wow. This Legolas guy is hot.
HOW TO BE AMAZING IN BED
HOT? - MAKE HIM MELT GUIDE YOUR MAN TO PLEASURE
HOW TO PLEASE PARTNER VEGAN POPSICLE BLOWJOB
HAVE SEX LIKE A PORNSTAR
PLEASE HIM!!! VALENTINA NAPPI'S SECRETS - ENTER
You okay?
Need a hand or will yours do?
Easy Edizioni, good morning.
He's not available. Do you want to leave a message?
Hi, Erika.
Samantha's book did so well, I had an idea for another.
The weekly sales report?
-I sent it out at 8:00 this morning. -I want it before everyone else.
-Printed out, on my desk at 7:00 a.m. -All right.
Good. If you want to be like me, you have to give it your all.
Actually, I want to be a writer.
I had this idea for a self-help book.
The ultimate manual that will make all others obsolete.
-Ironically, of course. -We love your sense of humor.
Can we talk about this after I pee?
Marilena, please make coffee for everyone.
-Thanks. -It's Maddalena.
My name is Maddalena.
Maddalena.
-They're coming. Donato. -Go.
-We're ready. -Let's do it.
-Sit there. -Okay.
Good morning.
Everybody, please welcome Lara.
Influencer, content creator.
Tommaso is our press guy.
Donato, our Editorial Director.
This is Serena, my manager.
Hello... Stop.
-What are you doing? -It...
Sorry, it's for our social media page.
She has a built-in face filter.
Lara has a flight to Paris to catch, so...
I'm the spokesperson for a product line that doesn't test on animals.
Not that I've ever seen a cow wearing face cream!
We'll be quick. We really believe in this project.
In all modesty, success is our creed.
Your book...
what do you want it to be about?
Me!
Me and all the obstacles I've overcome,
such as brittle fingernails,
oily scalp, split ends...
-My whole story. -Well...
That's an excellent starting point to delve deeper.
Delve deeper?
-You want me to talk about cellulite? -No.
In any case, we can provide you with our best ghostwriter...
And author.
Your book, Lara, will be a bestseller.
We at Easy Edizioni aim to fill the shelves at gas stations,
-supermarkets... -Newsstands.
-Everywhere! -Great.
Unlike award-winning writers, who are losers unable to make big sales,
we go for big numbers.
-We'll have it published by Christmas. -Christmas? Perfect!
I know. Let's make the cover red.
Genius. It'll make the perfect gift.
Red at Christmas, what a novel idea.
-You're a visionary, Lara. -I know!
We'd like for her...
to spend part of the day with you,
so that she'll be able to tell your readers the truth.
Look, nobody likes the truth.
Haven't you noticed that when something is beautiful,
everyone says it looks fake?
It's just a way for the two of you to get to know each other, right...
Maddalena.
Don't worry, she's our best writer.
I'm sure your voice will come through.
Yes. Absolutely.
You drugged me with that cake!
You're the one who took off with it.
Anyway, Grandma Carla's recipe is very mild.
-Do you have any tights? -On me?
-No, at home. -Why do you need them?
-A kink of mine. You got any? -In my drawer.
Listen, Ste, I want to give Donato another chance.
He believes in me.
And he's super-hot.
He loves books! I mean, he's a catch, isn't he?
-What should I do? -What you see in porn.
I can't slip into the shower with him. We're at the office.
I'll throw him in an armchair and I'll ride him.
No, I'm wearing pants.
I'll get on my knees under his desk.
Nice. Bat your eyes at him like Sailor Moon.
Sailor Moon?
Like a horny anime girl.
What if he doesn't understand?
Then he's a moron.
Send him a nude pic.
Actually, since you're at the office, photocopy your boobs.
That's so '90s.
It's coming back.
-It's better than a toilet selfie. -Okay.
Okay, stay on the line. I'll try.
What are you doing?
Running a check. It needs one every now and then.
Of course.
How's it going?
Fine.
Okay. Bye.
Is it in color, at least?
Well...
It's an interesting editorial project.
Is it too much?
I'll take care of it.
All right...
Sailor Moon.
-Sailor Moon. -What are you doing?
Okay!
Are you giving a blowjob or a prostrate check?
Are you okay?
Yes! All good.
-Working under a desk takes some practice. -What's happening to me?
Maddalena.
-Are you real? -I'm not, but those are.
Are you hitting on me?
Maddalena, what's going on?
Nothing. I lost my hair tie.
-I'm fine. -Your hair tie?
-What do you want? -You summoned me.
-Why did you come here? -I can come anywhere.
-Leave! -Maddalena.
Did you change your mind?
It wasn't a bad idea.
No! I mean, yes. Sorry, actually, I...
Actually, sorry. I have so many things to do.
So I have to go do the things I have to to do.
God. Not you again.
When will the effects of the cake wear off?
We need to talk.
-Sorry, did I get you wet? -You're not the first.
-Why is this happening to me? -You watched too much porn.
Billie Eilish is right. "Porn destroys your brain."
No, that's religion.
You're not real. You don't exist.
You're just in my head, you're just in my...
I'm in a lot of people's heads.
Please go away, please.
Go away, please go away.
-Come. -Now?
Come with me.
Sure.
-Where are we going? -Inside your self-esteem.
But that's a toilet.
It's just the entrance.
Voilà!
-This is my self-esteem? -Exactly.
-It's an empty room. -Exactly.
Funny. I thought I'd find my mother comparing me to my sister.
Shit, my sister!
A white cat with blue eyes
An old vase on the TV
The smoke of the candles in the air
Two cheeks, red as apples
She has a potion against jealousy...
Sweets, sweets.
Pineapple helps lose weight.
Isn't your sister talented?
She's always had a beautiful voice.
-She was even chosen for... -The Zecchino d'Oro. I know, Mom.
Then your father died.
And I couldn't take her to the finals.
She would have won for sure.
Well done. Let's eat!
-Let's go! -Fill up those bellies!
Have you seen Marcello's new girlfriend? She's plain, so plain...
"Girlfriend." Marcello never gets serious.
He always looks so handsome though, right?
Which one is he?
-They all look the same. -He's over there.
Mom!
He hasn't changed at all.
You made a wonderful couple.
You and Marcello, Maria and Giuseppe.
Two sisters and two brothers united in the love of Jesus.
If you lost some weight and took better care of yourself, he'd come back to you.
I don't want him back. He broke up with me on Christmas Eve.
After taking his present.
Shall I bless the prosecco?
Father Massimo!
I think your mother wants to bang the vicar.
Not now, Valentina. Go away!
Sister-in-law! A drink?
Actually, Maria wanted to make a toast.
Excuse me!
Now that we're all here. Guys...
I know I shouldn't do this with cranberry juice,
but I would really like to raise a heartfelt toast
to Marcello and Ludovica Vittoria, who've just announced their engagement!
Congratulations!
And to your sister.
And a toast to my big sister, Madda.
I hope that one day you'll finally find a good man
who will make you as happy as Giuseppe makes me every day.
-Thanks. -You deserve it.
We'll pray for you. Won't we, Father Massimo?
-Day and night. -To Madda!
-Thank you. -To Madda!
Now for the long-awaited moment.
-Let me. -The gender reveal! Cut the cake.
-I'm cutting... -Cut away!
-Oh, my God! -What will it be?
Here we go!
-A boy! -It's a boy!
-A boy! -A boy!
Good thing it's a boy. I bought a blue onesie.
You could tell from her pointed belly.
I got her a thermos to store the placenta in.
Cool. I made this with my first placenta.
-I'd like to try cooking it this time. -Do you have a good recipe?
-I'll send it to you. -Thanks!
I enjoy placenta with cheese and pork.
Listen, do you need some air?
-A lot of it? -Yes.
Come with me.
Sorry. Thanks.
-Can I light this? -Yes, of course.
-You smoke? -No, I don't.
I did eat a space cake once.
-Really? -Yes.
I'm the black sheep of the family.
Come on.
-Come on. -Okay.
You have nothing in common with them.
What do you have to do with them?
You'll never believe this, but I was officially invited.
You?
You're breaking my heart!
I've been friends with your brother-in-law for a long time.
My dad and his went to university together.
Now they're colleagues at the hospital.
But while his dad is proud of him,
mine has reconsidered his views on abortion.
So that's why Giuseppe never told me about you.
He's introduced me to all his single friends.
Who says I'm single?
You're right. I'm sorry, I didn't think...
Sorry. You're right.
I... I don't know why...
I've been single for ages.
But Giuseppe would never introduce his wife's sister to someone like me.
-What do you mean? -A black sheep.
You're one too?
Clearly, they don't know the type I usually fall for.
Good thing my second nephew is another boy.
If it was a girl, I would've felt sorry for her.
Destined to diet her whole life,
to look into a mirror and hate herself.
Destined to try on 300 outfits to go on a date with some internet asshole
who thinks he's hot shit because his mom always told him he was special.
You should drop by the club.
It's called L'Altrove.
They're hosting a cool event there on Thursday night.
Okay. Sure. Why not?
I have to go.
Thanks for that.
Whenever you feel like messing around, I'm here.
Okay.
By the way, I'm Leonardo.
Maddalena.
I haven't forgotten.
Be careful.
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
"What do you want?"
You! What do you want?
What do I want?
I want to be sexy!
You finally said it.
What makes you think you're not sexy?
Look at me!
I'd have sex with you.
But I'm not sexy enough for Donato.
Who cares about Donato. Come with me.
Where are we now?
In the world of porn.
Here, women are sorted into categories.
Categories? Who came up with them?
Men. They can't even jerk off without being given directions.
Lesson number one. All women are sexy.
Honestly, I'd fuck the ones without children too.
Poor things. Are they okay?
It's a fashion style. They're fit as a fiddle.
Easy to come across at any Calcutta concert.
I didn't know indie was sexy.
It is. And no shaving required.
Girls.
Lesson number two. To each their own.
For vintage lovers.
Natural girls.
For people who got stuck in the Cristina d'Avena loop.
All these are considered sexy?
Lesson number three.
Women are sexy when they feel sexy.
It's up to you, not the observer.
In fact, lesson number four.
The shape of your body has nothing to do with it.
These are big beautiful women.
Beauties from size 48 and upwards.
They're stunning!
That dress!
Ste.
What's going on?
It's an eco-friendly drying rack. I got it from the dumpster.
I have nothing to wear. Want to come shopping with me?
I can't. It's Thursday. You know I have dinner with my friends on Thursdays.
It's 11:00 a.m.
Don't ask me to be the best friend who takes you to the mall,
I'm not that kind of guy.
I have my dignity.
Yeah.
We wouldn't actually be going to the mall.
No?
No.
Excellent!
Could you warn me before you show up? You keep making me jump!
This would get you tons of views on social media.
-Want to try? -I'll take your word for it.
Nice, isn't it?
If you like it, my work here is done.
No, please, stay with me.
All right.
Let's make a deal. I'll teach you to be sexy, if you learn to love yourself.
I didn't know you were such a romantic.
Yes. I love having anal sex under the stars.
-Do I really look all right? -You look fantastic.
Buy it, put it on, go out and have fun!
Are you hitting on me again?
-Is everything okay? -Yes! Here I am.
You know what, it's not bad.
What are you wearing it to?
Well...
-I thought I might go... -Are you getting shy?
I'm coming with you.
With me?
Yes. With you and your friends.
Let's have a crazy night out. We'll have fun. You never take me out.
-A night out with gays doesn't count. -Shut up!
-What? -No.
It's just if I can't tag along... I'll just shut up.
Of course you can, if you want to.
Thanks.
You're a coward.
Don't talk when people are around or I'll go to therapy and make you vanish.
You don't need therapy for that, nine inches would be enough.
Help me out, I need to feed.
-Turn right. -Okay.
-Hey. -Hi.
What is this place?
These are my friends.
We're Gaymers. Gay gamers.
-Gaymers. -Gay... Yes.
I...
I thought this would be a club, some place to dance and have fun.
We never go to those places. They wouldn't let us in anyway.
Guys, this is Maddalena, my roommate.
You're gorgeous, Maddalena. What character are you?
Where were you hiding her?
You're super sexy!
Really?
Lesson number five.
Learn to take a compliment. Say thank you.
Thanks!
-Do you want to play with us? -Enough!
It's Thursday. You have a date elsewhere, remember?
I would love to, but I just realized I have some place to be...
I'd forgotten. Maybe I'll see you guys later!
Go. Have fun.
Recently, I've realized I'm getting old.
I've found my first gray hairs,
and I never miss an episode of Uomini e Donne.
Throne, over.
When I used to go to clubs like the one we're in now,
I had one goal.
Finding a hot guy who would sleep with me,
and never wanting to hear from me again.
I just spotted one back there...
Meet me in the restroom.
We'll play Rummy. I'll let you win. Call me granny.
Thanks.
With this, I leave the stage to another comedian
who, like me, is brave enough to get up here,
but is terrified of living life.
Leonardo Fedele.
Bravo!
Daniela Delle Foglie. Let's give her another round of applause.
What shall we discuss tonight?
How about a trend that I think signals the end of Western society.
Gender reveals. If you don't know what they are, let me explain.
It's a party of sorts, to announce
and reveal to the world whether the baby
will have a shitty life or not.
In other words, whether it's a boy or a girl.
And I met a girl, who is here with us tonight,
who rightly asked, "Why do we feel the need
"to celebrate the birth of a human who'll be on a lifelong diet?
"Who'll never love herself?
"Who'll have to date someone she met on the internet?"
Someone who might turn out to be a moron. Like me.
No, trust me, I wouldn't wish myself
on the bitchiest bitch.
I laugh at my own farts.
I don't wash much.
I smoke tons of weed.
I live off the small change you drop in my hat.
Which never amounts to very much, assholes!
Acting the clown on this stage
is still better than dancing on social media.
Well said. Enough of these influencers!
I wish they were influencers.
They're lawyers, gynecologists, architects, freelancers!
When exactly did humanity decide to start dancing on social media?
-Thank you. -Bravo!
But let's move on.
-Is it your first time here? -Why?
Because I'm sure I would have noticed you.
What can I get you?
A craft beer, please.
I'll be outside drinking, if you'd like to join me.
Okay.
-That'll be five euros. -Sure.
She's my guest.
Give us another and put everything on my tab.
The tab you've been running since 2018 and never settled?
Come on, don't embarrass me in front of my friends!
I swear I'll pay... sooner or later.
Yeah, right.
Thanks. You didn't have to.
No worries.
You gave me so many ideas, it was basically plagiarism.
-Do you want to go for a walk? -Yeah.
-I'll grab my stuff. See you outside? -Yeah.
Sure thing. Give me that. I'll wait!
Bet you 100 euros I can fuck that fatass.
No fucking way.
Did you see her dress? She wants to fuck.
-But does she want to fuck you? -I'm a catch for someone like that.
Stop it.
Wait, sorry...
What are you doing?
He's a moron.
He'd have to pay to be with someone like you.
I didn't mean... What I meant is that you're...
Sorry. I think you're very pretty...
All good?
Leonardo, you're amazing! You crack me up.
And you guys really suck.
Shall we?
Leonardo, we love you!
You should be a writer.
What you told me at the party worked great.
It's actually my job. I'm a ghostwriter.
I should have known.
What do you write about?
You know those self-help books in the top 10 lists?
Such as Find the Guts to be Brave.
Or Be Who You Are, but Maybe Less of an Asshole.
Have you never written anything of your own?
I would like to, but writing a book is hard.
It takes time, a contract.
If you don't have any followers, you're a nobody.
You could go on stage in the meantime. Make yourself heard.
No!
It's not for me.
My place is behind a computer.
-You get to hook up with a lot of people. -I'm very picky.
Really?
What's your type?
I've never told anyone.
Father Pius!
Sorry, but what the fuck are you talking about?
I've had a crush on him for years.
Maybe because my grandma's house was full of pictures of him.
I don't know, it's just...
He's super hipster.
Big beard, mysterious look.
He'd definitely ghost you.
Don't laugh.
That's why I don't like Saint Francis.
Vegan, environmentalist, a dog lover. No way.
No. It's Father Pius for me.
This would sound great on stage.
I think I'll steal it.
I have a... Well, it's not exactly an audition.
Some writers from a comedy TV show are coming to watch us at the club.
If my dad saw me on TV, he might start taking me seriously.
You fight a lot?
Worse. He ignores me.
He's the one who got me started, sending me to church.
What does stand-up comedy have to do with churchgoing?
Back then,
I went to Sunday school and got bullied.
-At Sunday school? -Yes.
-You're kidding. -It's true.
Then one day I lost my temper,
climbed up on the altar, took the mic from the priest,
and started talking shit in front of everyone.
And the assholes who beat me up laughed!
Amazing.
-What did the priest do? -He called an exorcist.
Cute. No way that happened.
DONATO: YOU OKAY? WE SHOULD TALK ABOUT LARA'S BOOK TOMORROW.
I NEED ALL YOUR TALENT...
I should go. It's getting late. I have an early start tomorrow.
-Let's keep in touch. -We will.
-Sure. -Yeah.
Bye.
Sorry.
Bye.
Father Pius? Maybe you're right.
Bald, with a hipster beard.
A bit of a bear. Cool.
Trouble with the washing machine?
-Excuse me? -Your skirt.
It's noticeably shorter than usual.
I wanted to change my style a bit.
-Good choice. -Thanks.
You wanted to talk about Lara's book?
Yes. I scheduled you a meeting for this afternoon.
Do your best. First impressions are important.
Of course.
Then again,
if things go badly, you can always...
try again.
He wants to fuck.
-Are we still talking about Lara? -Of course.
Prep her well. We're announcing the book at FEDVED,
the publishing fair that actually sells.
What a bitch.
Go now.
-I'm going. -Go.
Go. Bye.
Welcome.
Your house is...
Small, I know. It's cramped.
I needed a place downtown.
I'm renovating my lake house, look.
We use this place for work too. It's very convenient.
Sounds good.
Shall we sit here?
We only use that for photos, it's awful.
Let's sit on the real sofa.
Come along.
Here we are.
Girls.
-Thanks. -Thanks.
Have a slice of protein cake. Apples and cinnamon.
-Smells like happiness. -It has the calories of a chickpea.
I know.
Shall we get you ready for the publishing fair?
We'll announce your book and you'll have to answer questions from journalists.
You think I can do it?
Of course. I'll help you.
Sometimes I'm scared of sounding stupid, and of carpeted hotel floors.
Not in this hotel.
The event will be held at a five-star resort.
Those are nothing special, when you have a spa at home.
Where would you like to start? Your family?
My parents separated when I was very young,
and they worked all the time, so I hardly saw them.
My mum now manages my company.
I get along with my dad's girlfriend.
She's my age, so...
I was raised by my grandmother.
She's...
-She's very ill now. -I'm sorry.
What do the doctors say?
That there's nothing to be done. There's no cure
for ingrown nails.
-Oh, dear. -Yeah.
Why don't we go around looking for gender reveal parties to crash?
I need new material.
You could join the pilgrimage to Our Lady of Childbirth,
organized for my sister by my mother.
Wow. A home elevator.
It's practically the size of a studio apartment.
-What a great life she has. -Great?
-Her life is a cage. -What are you talking about?
Lara's famous, she's rolling in cash and everybody wants her.
It must be amazing to be so admired and desired.
Accepted? Picked?
That too, I guess. Why?
If that's what you want.
What's happening?
Open this thing. Valentina, no!
Where are we this time?
-A blow-up doll store? -Sort of. These are women.
Here, women are picked. Look.
But...
This is what you want, right? To be picked.
-That's Maria! -Of course.
Father Massimo!
Where's he going?
My mother is here too?
Yes. They're all here.
Go. Go get picked.
Madda, instead of begging men for attention
in the hopes that someone will finally pick you,
why don't you learn to pick yourself?
What do you mean?
Lesson number six.
In life, you have to figure out what you like and go get it.
You need to become an active subject.
Stop being a passive object.
How do I do that?
Too skinny for me.
Lesson number seven. Never judge a book by its cover.
It might deliver a big surprise.
Madda?
Can I use your straightener?
-Yes. -Thanks.
What do you need it for?
This guy?
Cute.
What if he doesn't like me?
Subject, not object, Madda.
He looks interesting.
Why did you delete him?
He likes inexperienced girls.
Then he's perfect for me.
No, these guys are the worst.
They hate women like me and love women like you.
Because they can shape them into whatever they want.
That is, a mother.
You're right. Thanks.
Enough with the sappy kisses.
Lick my pussy or stop it.
Done.
-Did you use it to toast bread? -No.
I straightened my armpit hair to see how long it is.
It's for a challenge. I won!
Why haven't I kicked him out?
You don't earn enough to live on your own.
He's cute. I like him.
MATCH! MESSAGE - CONTINUE BROWSING
We matched! Amazing!
I get it. All right.
I get it, okay!
Come on.
I'm sure he also has a dick.
Hey. How is he?
He's an XL.
Okay.
So? What's it like to pick?
Nice.
It makes me feel new, powerful, invincible.
It makes me feel sexy!
Ready to seduce... Donato!
No! Not Donato!
Not Donato!
Fuck it!
Yeah, he'll never notice me.
Cut it out! Have I taught you nothing?
You're still comparing yourself to others?
These "others" are extremely hot!
Then picture them as they... I don't know. Pop a pimple.
They're still hot.
Lesson number eight.
Why waste time comparing yourself to other women,
when you could bang them.
You're not helping.
There's Erika. Let's go.
Finally. Check us in, we're busy.
Have you seen Lara? I can't tell her apart.
-They all look the same. -She's over there.
The writer is very good.
-Isn't that... -He had a book written too.
I'll send it to you.
They're friends. Let's ask him to help with the launch.
Great idea! Take care of it.
Where's Donato?
Waiting in the conference room.
-See you there. -Okay.
Thank you.
-Good work. -Sorry.
Right.
-How boring. There's no pictures. -Why bring it to the spa?
Mariano gave me this. What should I do with it?
Post it to your Stories, I guess.
Can we invite him to the launch?
What kind of Stories?
I don't know...
Like what you usually post to promote something.
For example, "I'll try out this cream and let you know."
The usual.
How do I try out a book?
Good question.
-You read it? -Read?
I'm going to the spa, I need to focus.
You're so good at everything you do, couldn't you summarize it for me?
Please. Pretty please.
Thanks a million.
You were right, this place is charming.
And the floors aren't carpeted.
Please, come in.
How Do I Try Out a Book?
The perfect title for an essay on the death of publishing.
I'd publish it.
Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you.
I'm Malika. Nice to meet you.
Maddalena.
Hello, Maddalena.
I run a small publishing house, and published this.
Should I give it to Lara?
No, it's for you.
I'd like your opinion.
Perhaps you'd like to write something similar?
How do you know I'm a writer?
Your aura.
Of bad luck?
No. Your ghostwriter aura.
Everyone in the industry is familiar with the writers in the top 10.
My business card is inside. If you want to write, you know where to find me.
Okay.
Malika.
If I were to write a book, whose name would be on it?
Yours.
Hope to see you soon.
See you soon.
Mine.
Fuck! Mariano.
Six, eight.
Which room is he in?
Six, six.
-Mariano Di Vaio. Yes. -Hey...
I don't usually walk around like this. I was at the spa.
No problem.
You have no idea how many pornos start this way.
The key's not working.
-The old-fashioned ones worked better. -Need a hand?
-Only a hand? -Don't worry about it.
I'll break it down.
What a man.
Is that my book?
Yes. Lara gave it to me.
You know Lara?
Sort of.
Are you sure you don't need help?
It's all yours.
Voilà.
I owe you one.
Can I do anything for you?
Ask him.
The launch of Lara's book,
-it would be really helpful if you came. -Is that all?
Is that all?
-Ask him. -Shut up for a minute.
Could I have your towel?
Good girl! Lesson number nine.
Boldness is always a good idea.
Fuck.
Go ahead. Have a good evening.
-Hello, I'm... -Your name, please.
I have to see if you're on the list.
I work for the publishing company.
Good for you. I still need your name.
Maddalena Gentili.
Maddalena Gentili...
With a J or a G?
-With a G. -G.
It's not there.
Try... Try Marilena.
No.
Are you checking the Easy Edizioni list?
-It's got to be there. -Sorry.
Look, my colleagues are inside. Let me through and I'll fix this.
-It'll only take a second. -No need to get agitated.
I can't let you through.
There are limited seats. It's an insider event.
I'm the one writing this masterpiece.
Sure you are.
Sorry, I'm following directions.
We've been instructed not to let Lara's fans in.
Fan? I'm not a fan.
Do you know how many have tried this today?
Come on now.
If you're not on the list, you don't exist.
I don't exist if I'm not on the list?
-What's your name? -Maddalena, lower your voice.
-She's with me. -I'm with him.
Update the list.
I'm so sorry. Make way for the famous writer!
Give these to the guys writing for Social and Terza età. Go.
-Group photo! -Let's go.
-Come on. -All right.
-Squeeze closer. -All together now.
Di Vaio came, did you see?
Maddy! Come take a photo with us!
No. She can't.
Why not? She's so talented.
Best to keep her contribution quiet.
You can't tell she wrote my book from a photo!
She worked with me and I want her in the picture.
-I said no. She works for me. -Lower your voices.
These dramatics are stupid.
-Why not? -Have you seen her?
She's clumsy and awkward.
Look at the clothes she wears.
-She looks like a pear. -She's right there.
-Come on. -You shouldn't talk like that.
I give up. I've never been with a woman like you...
Bet you 100 euro I can fuck that fatass.
If you lost some weight and took better care of yourself, he'd come back to you.
Look at the clothes she wears. She looks like a pear.
I don't want to be in your fucking picture anyway.
Donato, can you... Thanks.
-Excuse us. -Maddalena.
Come along.
-Behave, please. -"Behave"?
Behave? I always behave.
I'm tired of behaving in front of someone
who says my body ruins a book launch.
You're ruining the launch, Marilena. Enough already.
Maddalena. My name is Maddalena.
I didn't know being a writer required a perfect body.
Is that why you've ignored my ideas for months, if not years?
Of course.
You have to be skinny, beautiful and famous to be successful.
Sorry, Lara. This goes for ghostwriters too.
Those of us who write books for people who don't even read them.
I'm tired of feeling bad because the world finds it convenient.
It's convenient for me to spend money on miraculous herbal tea and slimming belts,
or on fucking books telling me
how to improve my life and hide my flaws under my clothes.
Wouldn't our lives improve if we simply accepted ourselves the way we are?
Thin, fat, pretty, ugly.
Cool.
Uncool.
Like me.
Snap your photos and write your own books. I'm done with this.
I want to stop hating myself. Don't you?
Aren't you tired of judging people the way you judge books?
By the cover.
Come on.
Besides, I like my cover a lot.
And many other people like it too.
You're fired. I never want to see you again.
-Erika, please. -Me?!
Well said.
-Awesome. -Well done.
Someone finally said it.
Take my hand
Lord
Guide me through the world as you see fit
This is Father Massimo's seat. Sit over there.
The road is long and hard
But I hold no fear with you in my heart
I couldn't wait to travel
Don't use your phone on a pilgrimage. Hand it over.
-Mom. -Hand it over.
-Let me turn it off. -It's an addiction.
I'll turn it off.
...A woman
Take my hand, Lord
Guide me through the world as you see fit
Are you all right, Madda?
Just catching my breath.
You can't stop. We have to reach the top together.
Otherwise, Our Lady of Childbirth won't bless your sister.
-How will she get through labor? -With an epidural.
I'm taking a break. Give me a minute.
Madda, all you do is take breaks.
You waste time.
Life should be taken head on. Got it? Now grit your teeth and let's go.
You have to fight. You need to learn to fight.
You think you taught me to fight?
Yeah, right.
All my life, you've been sabotaging my self-esteem.
"Madda, do this," "Don't do that," "Eat pineapple, it helps weight loss."
So don't complain that I've given up,
or about the fact I'm single, ugly, sad and unemployed!
You're unemployed?
Yes, and it's your fault.
See you up there?
Don't even think about ditching me. Come with me.
Beautiful!
That was harder than a gang bang.
Sister-in-law, have I ever introduced you to my childhood friend, Leonardo?
-No. -No.
Then let's get it done now!
My love, zip up your jacket, you'll catch a cold!
Stop fussing.
You came.
I couldn't miss this. I'll have enough material for three shows.
-Shall we join together in prayer? -Let's join together.
Let's go say a Rosary.
-Want to join them? -Do we have to?
Not at all. Come with me.
Where to? Where are we going?
It's a surprise.
Keep your eyes closed. We're nearly there.
Okay.
Careful, there's some mud here.
-Which way? -Follow me. Don't worry.
-Trust me. Mind the poop. -No!
You stepped in it.
-You're joking. -I was.
Careful now.
-Okay. -It's a bit steep.
-Okay. -Easy does it.
-Now... -Help!
-Come along.
-Am I going to die? -Why would you?
-I don't know. -I prefer you alive.
-How strange... -Up you come.
-What's this? -Now...
Open your arms.
-You want to do the Titanic pose? -Much better than that.
Close your arms and open your eyes.
No way!
Father Pius!
I don't believe this!
You're completely crazy!
You said he was your type!
He is.
How wonderful!
I'm glad I came here.
Surrounded by sheep, in the company of a black sheep.
I'm a black sheep too.
Look there.
Two black sheep making their own flock.
Anyways...
I really will write a piece about the pilgrimage.
Yeah. Are you coming to the audition?
It's an open event.
The writers want feedback. I need some loud laughter.
-I'll roll you a blunt before the show. -There's no need.
Of course I'll be there.
You'll do great. Everyone will love it.
You'll get to be on TV.
And you'll make your dad proud.
Let's hope so.
Don't be reckless.
-See you around? -Don't be reckless.
-Don't commit impure acts. -Bye.
Again, don't be reckless.
Don't be reckless.
Where's Mom?
In the car. Did you purposely miss the bus to avoid her?
That would be impossible.
This is from her. Try and make up, or I'll be dragged into it.
-Is that Leonardo? -Yes.
Be careful.
One day without your phone and the world goes mad?
I don't know what's going on.
But something must have happened.
I'm getting lots of new followers.
No way!
Someone filmed my rant at the fair!
Shit!
I think you've gone...
-viral! -Viral!
Cool.
Just don't start drinking herbal tea.
No...
Excuse me.
DONATO: COME TO THE OFFICE TOMORROW
-Shall we go? -Yeah.
Okay.
Are you sure you want to do this, Lara?
-I'm worried you'll lose the contract. -No, the truth is trendy right now.
Look at Maddalena.
-Hey. -Hi.
-Hello, Madda. -Hello.
I'm sorry we aren't working together anymore.
-I feel kind of guilty... -Don't.
We just met my new gho... gha... The new you.
She's nice, but you were cooler.
Thanks. Don't worry.
I figured they'd assign you a new ghostwriter.
I screwed up, so...
At least you're an influencer now. Why don't you come to my party?
It's actually a private party
for the launch of the beauty line Lara is the face of.
Di Vaio will be there too.
He asked for your number.
-I gave it to him. He's the Di Vaio. -That's good.
-Promise to think about it? -Yeah.
You see these cadeaux, Maddalena?
Brands sent them after you went viral.
They're for you. Tag the brands.
Everyone knows who you are now.
We've always known. And we always had faith in you.
How many projects did we trust her with?
How many?
Shall we bury the hatchet?
I'm not fired anymore?
You are. Only because we want to offer you an exclusive contract to write a book.
We want you to write a book.
A book of your very own.
Don't trust them.
You really must write something about this lovely business
of accepting yourself as you are.
People love it.
Body positivity is all the rage.
Your success on social media proves that this is your moment.
You must ride the wave.
This is your big chance.
We're your big chance.
Or are you theirs?
-Ste, guess what... Hello. -Hello.
They've asked me to write a book of my own!
Great!
Where are you going?
To stay at Giacomo's. He's my boyfriend.
-I'll wait in the car. -Yeah.
You got together with Legolas?
Cool. Since when?
A while now.
I didn't know.
Because you only ever talk about your life and never ask about mine.
Okay, sorry.
When will you be back?
Never.
I'll stop by later this week to pick up the rest of my stuff.
-I've given the landlord notice. -What?
I'll help you rent out the room again.
There's no need. I can afford this place now.
Bye.
Be-wild herbal tea.
I'm delighted to be collaborating with Nuova Vita Herbal Tea.
This herbal tea is amazing, slimming and delicious.
It's plastic-free. The bottle is made of glass and bamboo.
Swipe up to find out more!
Could you like our Page when you have time?
Welcome. Allow me.
My phone is dead.
It only takes a minute. Easy Edizioni, you can't go wrong.
I'll take a look later.
-We have thousands of followers. -Hello!
You can give us a like,
-and unlike us if we're not for you. -Excuse me.
Why don't you answer my messages?
Because...
Wait here.
-I'll get you a drink. -Okay.
I just want to repay you with the classic invitation to dinner?
-I eat a lot. -So do I.
What is with the fake laughter?
Right now, I'm craving cherries.
You aren't interested in this guy at all.
Are you trying to make Donato jealous?
You're pathetic.
We're ready for the toast, guys. Follow me.
Text me. I'll answer this time.
-Can I take a selfie with you? -Sure.
-Thank you so much! -No problem.
LEONARDO: BLACK SHEEP, AUDITION IN AN HOUR. COUNTING ON YOU!
-Can I take a selfie with you? -Sure.
Thanks.
-Thank you! -Speech!
-Thanks. -Speech!
Speech!
Hello, everyone.
I'm not very good at speeches.
I'm much better at making videos.
But I'd like to take advantage of the launch
of this beauty line that was made so thoughtfully,
to speak to you from my heart.
I've always shared everything with my fans.
Except this.
Wow. Okay.
Free at last.
My love.
Wait, that's enough.
We work together, Erika. I'm not sure we should do this.
No?
You're fired.
Let's raise a toast!
Now that's a genuine relationship.
Can I buy you a drink or do you only accept them from VIPs?
You'll have to catch me first.
You know I love a good challenge.
I know he's married!
Why not find yourself a single guy?
People are so greedy.
Maddalena, not him.
Let's get out of here.
Let's go to my place.
What about your wife?
She left.
Everything okay in there?
Yes, I'm fine.
I can't believe we're doing this again.
God.
You taught me all this.
To be sexy and take who I want. To be the subject, not an object.
I didn't teach you to self-sabotage!
Get out there.
Out!
-Get in. -What is this?
-Get inside! -Not again!
Fine.
Look what your self-esteem has become.
-It looks beautiful. -It's a cage.
No place is beautiful when there's no way out.
Your self-esteem depends on other people's opinions.
I'm a role model for many people.
Except for yourself, Maddalena.
What's bothering you so much?
The fact that you haven't grasped the most important lesson of all!
You don't need other people's approval, you only need your own.
You're afraid.
Of what?
Of me being happy.
That's right.
If I'm happy, I won't need you anymore.
And you'll vanish.
LEONARDO: WHERE ARE YOU?
Finally.
What?
You seem different.
You're...
more sure of yourself.
Free of your inhibitions.
Now you know what you want.
You're right, I do.
Wait here.
I want to celebrate.
I want to raise a glass to you. You've finally realized your worth.
-Didn't you say your wife left? -Yes.
For a weekend with her girlfriends.
What are you doing?
Once you realize you deserve better, you'll wonder how you settled for so long.
Aren't you tired of living like this?
I honestly feel sorry for you, Donato.
Because, deep down, you're better than all of this.
But...
-You did well. -The others were worse.
-Thanks. -No problem.
-Thank you. Bye. -We're leaving.
-Hi. -See you!
How did it go? Did you kill it?
No. It hasn't been a great night.
-Why not? -It happens.
The audience was off.
Sometimes a joke that has always worked fails to land.
I'm sorry I didn't get here on time.
I was silly to text you while you were at the party.
I saw your Stories.
I still hoped you'd show up.
Because two black sheep can make their own flock.
You're not a black sheep anymore though, are you?
Shall we grab a beer?
We could take a walk, just the two of us.
It's late, Maddalena.
PLEASE HIM!!! ENTER
VALENTINA NAPPI'S SECRETS
Valentina, where are you?
MOM: MARIA IS IN LABOR!
Madda.
WELCOME ALDO
She named him after Dad!
It was a surprise for me too.
-Sister-in-law! -Congratulations.
Thanks.
Maria and little Aldo are resting.
I'm going to Mom's to pick up Enrico.
I'll try and squeeze in a shower, too. Later!
-Bye. -Bye.
-You should get some rest too. -I wouldn't be able to sleep.
-Too anxious? -Too happy.
That's what a mother's life is like.
Sometimes it's joy, sometimes it's sorrow.
I'm sorry, Mom.
-I was a bitch. -Watch your language, Madda!
-I can call myself a bitch! -You're not though.
Yet I'm never good enough for you.
What's not good enough is seeing you unhappy.
It's a sin, how little you believe in yourself.
So every now and then, I try to give you advice.
-Every now and then? -Yes, every now...
Every...
Every so often.
Do you ever think that your idea of happiness
may be different from mine?
It's the only one I know.
All my life, I've been a mother...
It wasn't easy raising you all by myself.
I was terrified that the world would not be kind to you.
You're too sensitive, Madda.
-You did great. -Well...
I'll never be like you and Maria,
but now I know that being myself is fine too.
I'm proud of you, and everything that you're doing.
I'm sorry if I never told you that.
I'm not brave. But you... you're perfect.
You're perfect the way you are, Madda.
Of course I am. I'm your daughter.
Indeed.
Want a sandwich?
All right.
A midnight sandwich.
Look.
-Father Massimo, at this hour! -Grazia.
-For our grandson, this and more. -Yes...
-Coffee? -Yeah.
We'll go find the vending machine.
Vale, I think you were right about my mom and the vicar.
What's this delicious smell of ham?
So good.
I've dreamed of nothing else for nine months.
Where did you get it, at this hour?
The 24/7 supermarket.
You can't imagine.
It was packed with kids with the munchies.
Lucky them.
You get the munchies after smoking weed.
I know, that's why I said "lucky them"!
Are you crazy?
You think I've never smoked a joint?
You? No way...
-When I was young. -You are young.
You're no longer young when you have a kid.
Never mind two kids.
He's so cute.
Look how cute he is, sleeping away.
He's got an old man's name. Aldo.
But it was Dad's name, so...
Mommy's here.
You'll be a super-mom to him too.
I don't know.
Have you ever thought about the fact that the Virgin Mary only had one kid?
It must mean something.
Of course.
He likes dolls.
Enrico, give me the doll.
-Cut it out, Mom. -You should play with... Give me the doll!
Who cares what he plays with.
Come! Let's go to your aunt!
Hi!
Here he is!
No, no, no.
-Isn't he cute? -It's kind of hot in here.
Go, please.
-Yeah. -Keep an eye on him.
-Be careful! -I will be. Go!
Behave, darling, okay?
You'll regret this.
I don't think so.
-Tommaso! -Yes, ma'am.
...they are not influencers.
If they were, they'd promote herbal tea.
That is, they'd sell their soul to the devil.
No. They're lawyers.
They're professionals, freelancers!
DI VAIO: I'M INVITING YOU TO DINNER, LET'S SEE IF YOU'LL ANSWER THIS TIME...
OF COURSE, BUT WILL YOU FORGIVE ME IF I'M NOT COMING?
MY HEAD IS... ELSEWHERE.
MADDALENA GENTILI MY SELF-ESTEEM IS AN EMPTY ROOM
TO THE BLACK SHEEP
Hello.
-Hello. -Hello.
Some of you know me personally, and others because of that viral video.
It's strange being a meme.
Especially after spending my life running away from my appearance.
Suddenly I'm everywhere, even on strangers' phones in the subway.
My mother even shared the video in our parish's group chat.
I'm not joking.
A year ago, I would have introduced myself like this:
"My name is Maddalena, I'm 30 years old, and I don't like anything about myself."
But not today.
Because at some point, things change.
Or perhaps, we change.
And our self-esteem begins to blossom.
In this book, you'll meet the many people who helped me
fill up the bare room that was my self-esteem.
Among them is the funniest guy I've ever met.
He laughs at my jokes,
smokes tons of weed and will never hold down a serious job.
He helped me a lot.
Helped me understand that I want a guy who can really see me,
even though I've been hiding my whole life.
A guy who'll love me when I hate myself, even when I stay in my pajamas
three days straight watching porn.
Sorry, Mom.
A guy who believes in me more than I believe in myself.
Who pushes me to do things
I would never have the guts to do like write this book
and get up on this stage.
And since we're on the subject, will you have a beer with me later?
Because I like you. A lot.
More than Father Pius.
And because you're right.
Two black sheep make their own flock.
Thank you.
Hey.
Hey!
-I can't do it. -Go to the bathroom. Go!
Are they...
Remember us?
-Do you want... -Are you stupid?
We don't need a third.
You messed up my hair.
No...
-What's wrong? -Nothing, it's amazing, but...
You're crying.
Yes. No, but...
It's amazing. I don't know, this has never happened to me before...
-You cry when you orgasm. -Maybe.
I laugh.
Yeah!
I'm thirsty.
I'm really thirsty.
Madda. Lesson number 10.
When you're in love, don't forget about the sex.
Okay.
You look beautiful.
-How about another round? -That would be three.
Four, actually.
Well, one more is good.
STILL FABULOUS
Thank you.
-I love your movies. Can I take a selfie? -Of course.
-Thanks. Bye. -No problem. Bye!
Hello.
Vale!
-Hi! -Get in line like everyone else, please.
No, I know her! Vale, it's me, Maddalena!
You've stopped showing up because you don't think I need you.
Don't be silly. I miss you, Vale!
-Let me go! -Who's this nutjob?
Please do something.
Vale, we came to this store together!
Don't you remember?
-Vale, please! -I don't know her.
I haven't fucked her, either.
At least, I don't think I have.