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Hey, guys.

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Just wanted to let you know I finished
the race today.

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Downloaded from
YTS.MX

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It was the worst weather I've ever
had in all the Ironman's I've done.

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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX

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Just want to tell you guys I love you,
and you all would have pushed out

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and wouldn't even have
started that race today.

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So once again, your dad is a beast
and will dominate you in any physical

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event you ever want to try
to compete with me with.

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But you already know that anyways.

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I'll see you guys tomorrow.
Love you.

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Bye.

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What does your morning routine consist of?

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I get up, do a set of 25 pushups,
get my tea started,

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do another set of pushups, start checking,
email, social media,

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another set of pushups.

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I tally them in a little notebook I have.

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One year, I did 86,000 of them.

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Again, doing a little business.

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Quick set of pushups to get going.

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Then get ready to go out and do
my extra exercise in the morning.

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I got a death threat.

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Two people who were actually
plotting to murder me last year.

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True story.

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Naming the running path that I run
on and literally talking about stabbing

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me and watching me bleed to death.

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Hmm, this has taken hate
mail to another level.

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I reported it, that it happened,
and then I'm out.

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I got other things to do.

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Finally on the program, Todd Crandall.

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At one stage, he was addicted to drugs
and alcohol and was living in his car.

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Since then, he has turned it around.

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Plus, he set up his own program called
Racing for Recovery, which helps

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addicts in Ohio, in America.
Todd, thank you.

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Very patient.

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We've been waiting for us to
speak to you on the program.

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It is fantastic for you to join us.

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I know you're happy to share your story.

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I don't think it's fair to ask you to go
into every detail,

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but tell us a little bit about some
of the challenges that you faced

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before you turned your life around.

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The challenges that I faced prior
to addiction and during addiction,

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I'm the survivor of the suicide of my mom
and uncle, both to their drug addiction

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and also the survivor of my aunt who was
lost to suicide due to her food addiction.

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I believe that people that are battling
addiction are doing so to cope

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with some form of trauma.

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And like I said, mine was
losing my mom at an early age.

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And thankfully, I survived
my own 13-year drug addiction.

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And now here I am for almost 30 years
being sober and serving others

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through Racing for Recovery.

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This whole program is really a giant
extension of my bedroom,

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and it's music and sports.

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So when I see a band on our wall or
an autographed jersey,

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I always think of how much work went
into that picture getting taken.

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So it's not, Look at me,
I'm with Osi Osborne.

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It's, You want to know what it took
to have that picture taken with Osi

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and what the conversation I had
with how busy on sobriety was?

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That's a cool thing.

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I admire people who had a dream and went
out and made it a reality

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because I do that.

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I don't sit around and complain.

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I do stuff, and I'm doing a lot of stuff,
and that doesn't sit well with people.

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But it does sit well
with the people that count.

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All right, everybody.

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I want you guys to say your name and one
word that describes the pain you would

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leave others if you weren't alive today.

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My kids, they'd be hurt because they
would,

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like Rachel was saying,
feel that they weren't important enough

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and stuff like that for me to stay alive.

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But when I think about the rest of my
family, I would have to say relieved.

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I've really been nothing more than a bird
in It caused nothing but hardships.

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I
don't

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have the support for love or acceptance
of anyone else in my family

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except my two oldest kids.

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I think for the most part,

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my family would feel relieved that I'm not

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I'm going to be a burden to them anymore.

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First of all, I'm going to praise you
for having the courage to speak like that.

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I'm going to ask you respectfully, by
the end of group today,

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can you do your best to change that?

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Joe, I want to tell you, if you think that
nobody would be devastated, here we are.

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It's right here.

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Well, I look at you each morning, man?

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You're like a big Teddy bear.

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I love you with all my heart, man.

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It's so hard because right now,
their whole opinion of me is I'm being

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a coward and I'm being weak because
I'm not providing for my family.

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It's just the way my family operates.

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If you're not providing,
you're not really worth anything.

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Well, so hard.

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But In our community, I feel loved.

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I feel appreciated.

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We offer a way out, spiritually,

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emotionally, physically,

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psychologically, all of them,
to get people where they deserve to be,

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which is to live with internal peace
and desire to achieve anything

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they put their minds to.

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The traditional way of doing things is you
go to detox for 30 days and you When you

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come out and you go to support group
meetings and you do 12 things

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and everything's going to be fine.

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And that just flat out
doesn't work for everybody.

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And when I was going to 12 steps,
I was sitting in a room that was full

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of cigarette smoke, people talking
about how drunk they got every time.

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I was hearing a lot of sadness
and sorrow and not a lot of excitement.

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I didn't get sober to be miserable.

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I got sober to live my life fully
and find my life's purpose, and I have.

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My name is Julie Erman,
and I am Todd Crandall's Assistant

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at Racing for Recovery.

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My job is to schedule,
to do any administrative aspects,

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contact people for podcasts,
do the flight itinerary.

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It's just my job to make his job easier.

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He is exactly what
he needed when he was going through

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his recovery in the beginning.

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He is an an example of grit and drive and
compassion and all of that to show

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people it's okay to be vulnerable.

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It's okay to say that you're broken.

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It's okay to ask for help.

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It's applaudable.

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I don't know.

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I'm going to try.

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He has the courage to do something
about it, or I don't think I do.

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I connect to my crystalline symbol.

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I connect all five hand positions.

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I connect all three energy centers.

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I connect to my crystalline energy field.

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I'm not in a coven.

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I'm more of a solitary witch,
and what I mean by witch

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means I just practice energy.
I hold space.

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I asked to place the vibration of mastery
in my individual crystalline energy field.

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So if I wanted to hold space for you,
I would just have the intention of I want

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you to be in a higher frequency,
higher vibration of love or whatever,

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and just imagine it.

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It's all intention.

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Our mind's very powerful.

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We only use but a very small
percentage of it anyway.

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It all comes from intention.

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So if I had the intention of wanting
to hold space for you and have you be

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in a safe container than you would.

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She brings a sense of peace,
tranquility, and no matter what I'm

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going through, it's like a safety net.

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Her being there has made the journey a I
feel like it's a lot more

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fun and more peaceful.

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I've learned a lot from working with Todd
and being here at Racing for Recovery

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because there's a lot of pain, but there's
also a lot of beauty behind that, too.

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There's beauty in the breaking.

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We used to think slavery was normal.

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That was a normal thing to do.

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We used to, not so long ago,
not have the ability to have women vote.

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That used to be the norm.

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Someday we're going to look back as
a society on what we've been doing

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to animals and be ashamed of ourselves.

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I do not want to be part
of harming any innocent creature.

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I could never do it myself.

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So I'm going to the grocery store,
voting with my money, paying to have an

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animal killed and tortured and exploited.

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And it almost felt like in that moment
that I had the knife

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to that animal's throat.

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I was part of that.

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I caused that pain.

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And I can't go back and fix that.

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I can never stop that.

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So what's the best thing to do?

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Figure out how I can help and be
a better person in the future.

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And my why right there was to never do
harm to any innocent living

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creature, any sentient being.

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It ruined my It ruined a lot
of relationships with my

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family and my friends.

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I had to realize that it's not
something I needed to take personal.

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That is a demon that
everybody struggles with.

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So you think everyone should be vegan?
Yes, I do.

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Absolutely, wholeheartedly,
without a doubt.

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So since Todd really loves Chipotle,
I think they'd sponsor you.

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I love it when I get it the way
I want it on the outside.

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I don't like going in there, waiting for
what I want, seeing what I see in there.

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All right.

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You have to walk past all of the murder
before you get to the veggies.

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And then you see the people coming behind
me going, I want the heart attack here

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and the cardiovascular disease here.

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How many people they eat,
and then they're on the couch in a coma,

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and they go, Oh, that's for the...

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What is it?
Triptofan and the turkey?

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To me, it's like, No,
it's the dead carcass.

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You just put, and plus, you ate ass bread.

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When you eat this stuff, you're like, Hey,
man, who wants to go for a run or

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learn something intelligent?
Do something.

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One thing eating vegan doesn't do is
increase my patience.

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Let's eat.

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You want water?

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Sure, please.

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Thanks for making this.
Oh, you're welcome.

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We
were

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buying food one day and we were going
through the checkout line and I said

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to my buddy, watch, they're going
to ask for a carton of cigarettes.

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We go through there and ladies,
Can I have a carton of whatever?

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And my buddy's like, How'd you know that?

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I'm like, Look at the cart, man.

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It's fun to put a story together every
time you see a cart in the grocery store.

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Exercise and nutrition are the catalyst
of everything else that my life and what

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Racing for Recovery
believes in is built upon.

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If you exercise and then follow it
with good food,

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you're not only more likely to have a good
day, you're going to be able to cope

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with anything if it's a bad day.

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And that's why people go back and use it
again is because they're not living a good

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lifestyle that helps them
to cope with emotional hardships.

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That's why people, quote, relapse,
which we don't use that word.

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00:13:05,200 --> 00:13:10,135
So far in 2023, I've done four Ironman
events, and I think

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00:13:10,160 --> 00:13:11,920
I'm scheduled to do 14.

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The Ironman is a 2.

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00:13:15,200 --> 00:13:18,735
4-mile swim, 112-mile bike in a 26.

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2-mile run.

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I remember sitting in my basement just
looking on the Internet,

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and I just signed up for it.

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I didn't know what bike to buy,
what shoes to wear.

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Nothing.
Didn't know how to swim.

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I asked people that knew about those
things to help me do it,

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00:13:38,040 --> 00:13:39,540
and then I went out and did it.

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I did my first Ironman November sixth of
1999 down in Panama City Beach, Florida.

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A lot of people, again,
they think I just literally went

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from detox to running Ironman.

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It was a six-year process.

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I was sober for six years.

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00:14:00,520 --> 00:14:04,320
The euphoria of finishing
that goal was awesome.

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And I'm like, Yeah,
I'm going to do this again.

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I don't want to be like anybody else.

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That's that drive.

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You've done one, I want to do 50.

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00:14:17,480 --> 00:14:22,815
I want to do things that people
are like, Holy cow, look at that.

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00:14:22,840 --> 00:14:25,095
And they go do it for themselves.

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I'm the type of person,
if I want something, I'm going

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to do whatever it takes to get it.

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00:14:30,920 --> 00:14:35,335
Do you think on some level you might
be addicted to running ironmenons?

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This is an addiction.

233
00:14:37,160 --> 00:14:39,175
This is what healthy living looks like,

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00:14:39,200 --> 00:14:47,440
and more importantly, feels like.

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We're in lovely Chattanooga, Tennessee.

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Fifth time I think I've
done the rivet down here.

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00:14:56,440 --> 00:15:00,895
I love it that this is the 93rd
Iron Ironman that coincides

238
00:15:00,920 --> 00:15:03,015
with me getting sober in 1993.

239
00:15:03,040 --> 00:15:04,615
That's pretty cool.

240
00:15:04,640 --> 00:15:09,375
And again, these coincidences just seem
to happen all the time when

241
00:15:09,400 --> 00:15:10,880
you're making good decisions.

242
00:15:11,000 --> 00:15:17,855
There are physical consequences
of Ironman at the level I do.

243
00:15:17,880 --> 00:15:19,455
I've had back issues.

244
00:15:19,480 --> 00:15:20,935
I had a torn meniscus.

245
00:15:20,960 --> 00:15:25,935
I've had a foot injury in my toe
for over a year that needs surgery.

246
00:15:25,960 --> 00:15:27,800
Thought I was having some heart issues.

247
00:15:28,680 --> 00:15:34,600
The The toll that this has taken on me
internally is probably not very good.

248
00:15:35,640 --> 00:15:39,815
But most of these things, I believe,
are due to emotional healing

249
00:15:39,840 --> 00:15:44,200
that needed to take place.

250
00:15:46,320 --> 00:15:51,615
I still get that rush.

251
00:15:51,640 --> 00:15:56,040
And for me, the ultimate day
out there is where I'm at peace.

252
00:15:56,120 --> 00:15:58,040
No one's messing with me.

253
00:15:58,280 --> 00:15:59,695
My body works.

254
00:15:59,720 --> 00:16:02,815
I can enjoy the beautiful
place that I'm racing in.

255
00:16:02,840 --> 00:16:09,855
And then I get to experience that euphoric
finish in the few hours

256
00:16:09,880 --> 00:16:10,960
that come after that.

257
00:16:11,080 --> 00:16:12,240
Oh, my God.

258
00:16:12,520 --> 00:16:15,280
That, to me, is what I'm searching for.

259
00:16:17,520 --> 00:16:21,335
The talk about statistics,
how at the end of the day,

260
00:16:21,360 --> 00:16:24,680
no matter what you do,
some of you aren't going to make it.

261
00:16:25,160 --> 00:16:27,320
And that is BS.

262
00:16:27,960 --> 00:16:29,400
Setting yourself up for failure.

263
00:16:29,425 --> 00:16:34,280
I've never one time heard anything close
to that being here.

264
00:16:34,640 --> 00:16:37,375
It's set up so everybody can make it.

265
00:16:37,400 --> 00:16:40,520
It's just up to you if
you wanted it bad enough.

266
00:16:41,080 --> 00:16:43,775
You know that whole thing of look to your
left and look to your right

267
00:16:43,800 --> 00:16:45,920
and they're not going to make it?
I go, That's bullshit.

268
00:16:45,945 --> 00:16:48,520
100 % of you guys never
have to use drugs again.

269
00:16:48,600 --> 00:16:51,880
Right off the rip, people gave me
shit about it on the clinical side.

270
00:16:52,680 --> 00:16:54,655
What?
You can't say that?

271
00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:56,680
I'm like, I just did.
You want me to say it again?

272
00:16:57,360 --> 00:16:58,160
Here it is again.

273
00:16:58,760 --> 00:17:02,040
Time is irrelevant when
it comes to sobriety.

274
00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:05,960
There's never a metaphorical finish line.
We never got this.

275
00:17:06,280 --> 00:17:12,080
We might be well-equipped, better equipped
to run the race, but the race never ends.

276
00:17:12,560 --> 00:17:15,935
So you can either choose to run
with the winners and keep

277
00:17:15,960 --> 00:17:17,495
on the pace that you're at.

278
00:17:17,520 --> 00:17:22,360
You could sprint way ahead and gas
yourself out, or you can just stop.

279
00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:28,080
But the choice is up to you.

280
00:17:33,080 --> 00:17:36,720
I've seen people do great here,
and then all of a sudden,

281
00:17:36,800 --> 00:17:37,720
they're no longer here.

282
00:17:38,760 --> 00:17:45,440
I have learned over the course of 22 years
now to effectively manage those hurts.

283
00:17:46,240 --> 00:17:51,320
I need to manage me and my emotions
and make sure our staff is good

284
00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:55,320
and equipped to deal with some
of the non-successes yet.

285
00:17:56,160 --> 00:18:00,135
I'm proud of the fact I have 25 people
that work here, and Probably

286
00:18:00,160 --> 00:18:01,760
20 of them were clients here.

287
00:18:03,520 --> 00:18:07,480
I grew up around drugs and alcohol,
so that was the norm.

288
00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:11,600
Dad stressed out, he's going
to get a beard, he's smoking weed.

289
00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:15,680
And then I thought that I
needed substances to be normal.

290
00:18:16,480 --> 00:18:20,320
My dad died, and my dad's
drug of choice was cocaine.

291
00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:26,560
And in my mind, that was my way to feel
close to him, was to use cocaine.

292
00:18:27,040 --> 00:18:29,480
Plus, my dad was the very
first person I ever used with.

293
00:18:30,640 --> 00:18:36,600
My dad put the pipe up to my mouth
and lit it and told me when to inhale.

294
00:18:37,480 --> 00:18:39,440
So I was 12.

295
00:18:42,160 --> 00:18:45,200
You smoked crack with your dad when
you were 12?

296
00:18:46,440 --> 00:18:48,080
Yes.
And I smoked cigarettes.

297
00:18:48,320 --> 00:18:50,295
I was almost 12 years old.

298
00:18:50,320 --> 00:18:52,220
I said I wanted to smoke cigarettes.

299
00:18:52,360 --> 00:18:56,415
And my dad's way of not getting me
to smoke cigarettes was he smoked

300
00:18:56,440 --> 00:18:59,935
Marlborough Reds,
and he made me smoke one cigarette

301
00:18:59,960 --> 00:19:02,000
after another and inhale until I puked.

302
00:19:03,160 --> 00:19:06,840
Smoked ever since.
My dad just gave me shots.

303
00:19:07,160 --> 00:19:09,160
He would laugh because
I couldn't even walk.

304
00:19:10,240 --> 00:19:13,200
My addiction got a hold of me
to where it was like a job.

305
00:19:15,360 --> 00:19:16,720
My story is no different.

306
00:19:17,400 --> 00:19:18,520
I was the low of the low.

307
00:19:19,240 --> 00:19:21,735
When you got to stare your family
in the eye and tell them you can't pay

308
00:19:21,760 --> 00:19:24,500
the rent because you just went and spent
all your money on crack,

309
00:19:24,680 --> 00:19:30,760
that drives that depression deeper
to where, while I screwed up this much,

310
00:19:31,280 --> 00:19:33,040
I might as well go the distance with it.

311
00:19:35,440 --> 00:19:37,160
Her mother had custody of our kids.

312
00:19:37,560 --> 00:19:39,855
She stepped in because
we dropped the ball.

313
00:19:39,880 --> 00:19:44,655
She did us the biggest favor by doing
that, taking on that responsibility.

314
00:19:44,680 --> 00:19:45,400
For us.

315
00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:49,040
Racing accepted us.

316
00:19:49,960 --> 00:19:54,840
It boiled down to, if you can't take care
of yourself in your own obligations,

317
00:19:55,160 --> 00:19:57,560
how in the hell are you
going to take care of kids?

318
00:19:59,880 --> 00:20:02,520
My mom and I never had
a really close relationship.

319
00:20:02,600 --> 00:20:07,375
And then about eight months into being
here, my mom finally gave me her address

320
00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:12,320
to where she lived,
and she let me go down there to see them.

321
00:20:12,800 --> 00:20:15,815
And then the second time of going down
there, my mom ended up dying

322
00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:17,200
of a heart attack in my arms.

323
00:20:17,560 --> 00:20:21,160
My daughter had asked for popcorn.

324
00:20:21,480 --> 00:20:24,720
My mom got up, said, Samantha, come here.
So I went out.

325
00:20:24,800 --> 00:20:28,520
My daughter was standing there, and then
all of a sudden, she said she felt dizzy.

326
00:20:29,960 --> 00:20:32,480
And I was thinking maybe
she got up too fast.

327
00:20:33,520 --> 00:20:35,400
And then she started to fall.

328
00:20:36,120 --> 00:20:36,920
And then...

329
00:20:44,080 --> 00:20:44,240
Sorry.

330
00:20:44,265 --> 00:20:48,960
My mom started shaking,
and I thought she was having a seizure.

331
00:20:52,480 --> 00:20:53,920
So I laid her on her side.

332
00:20:58,480 --> 00:20:59,455
Call 911.

333
00:20:59,480 --> 00:21:01,480
They It took forever to get there.

334
00:21:03,560 --> 00:21:09,480
And I got to the hospital,
went in to the room.

335
00:21:10,040 --> 00:21:14,520
My mom was purple.

336
00:21:16,840 --> 00:21:22,280
That was probably the hardest thing.

337
00:21:25,360 --> 00:21:29,240
It showed me that I'm serious about
my sobriety because

338
00:21:29,680 --> 00:21:31,360
it I didn't cross my mind to use.

339
00:21:31,560 --> 00:21:34,200
What crossed my mind was,
I'm getting my kids.

340
00:21:34,560 --> 00:21:36,040
My kids are coming with me.

341
00:21:36,720 --> 00:21:41,520
Children Services got involved,
and I drug tested for them.

342
00:21:41,680 --> 00:21:45,640
I passed it, and then I did
everything in the court eyes.

343
00:21:45,920 --> 00:21:49,400
They wanted me to sustain sobriety,
have random drug screens.

344
00:21:49,760 --> 00:21:51,000
I was doing all of that.

345
00:21:51,920 --> 00:21:58,880
I'm going on three years of having
my kids, and it's been an experience.

346
00:21:59,440 --> 00:22:01,775
My eight-year-old,
I was like, Oh, she's young.

347
00:22:01,800 --> 00:22:02,800
She ain't going to remember.

348
00:22:02,825 --> 00:22:07,520
She remembers a lot more
than what I thought she did.

349
00:22:08,880 --> 00:22:12,095
The people that are here,
they don't understand the impact that they

350
00:22:12,120 --> 00:22:14,080
have on me from a motivational standpoint.

351
00:22:14,560 --> 00:22:17,680
When I see somebody doing something,
I'm like, Oh, if they're doing that,

352
00:22:17,705 --> 00:22:19,040
then I'll go do this.

353
00:22:25,800 --> 00:22:30,815
My main goal, one, is to try and win.

354
00:22:30,840 --> 00:22:36,375
But in doing that,
I want to be able to race the entire race,

355
00:22:36,400 --> 00:22:39,295
feel like I am in control of what's
going on inside of my body.

356
00:22:39,320 --> 00:22:43,975
I don't want to have the course defeat me,
and that's what I feel like

357
00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:45,520
has happened in the past.

358
00:22:45,600 --> 00:22:50,255
It's always been the elements, the wind,
the humidity, and the distance under

359
00:22:50,280 --> 00:22:52,120
that sun for eight and a half hours.

360
00:22:52,960 --> 00:22:56,575
First year I ever competed or even heard
about Ironman was in 1982,

361
00:22:56,600 --> 00:22:57,855
actually 40 years ago.

362
00:22:57,880 --> 00:23:01,255
I saw I watched the triathlon on TV.

363
00:23:01,280 --> 00:23:05,280
It was wide world of sports,
this incredible thing called the Ironman.

364
00:23:05,760 --> 00:23:09,015
He's describing the distances, like a 2.

365
00:23:09,040 --> 00:23:13,080
4 miles, 100 and 12-mile
bike ride, a marathon.

366
00:23:13,760 --> 00:23:16,575
There's no way a human body can do that.

367
00:23:16,600 --> 00:23:18,375
That's insane.
That's nuts.

368
00:23:18,400 --> 00:23:22,895
But as I watched these seemingly ordinary
people cross that extraordinary

369
00:23:22,920 --> 00:23:25,440
finish line, I was just mesmerized.

370
00:23:25,760 --> 00:23:31,040
There was something magic about
it and something that calling me.

371
00:23:31,520 --> 00:23:37,095
I ended up racing for 15 years as a
professional, six-time

372
00:23:37,120 --> 00:23:38,080
Ironman World champion.

373
00:23:38,105 --> 00:23:43,360
It's a very physical experience,
but it's made possible because

374
00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:45,520
your mind is in the right space.

375
00:23:47,040 --> 00:23:48,655
Everybody has their version of it.

376
00:23:48,680 --> 00:23:53,000
Everybody has their personal story of what
they went through, and each

377
00:23:53,400 --> 00:23:54,760
story is inspiring.

378
00:23:55,640 --> 00:23:59,360
He's coming from a very different place
than a lot of athletes, of course,

379
00:24:00,040 --> 00:24:03,735
using it as a symbol of what you can do
when you overcome addiction,

380
00:24:03,760 --> 00:24:08,815
when you let go of something that was
very toxic for your body and for your life

381
00:24:08,840 --> 00:24:12,520
and for your relationships,
and hopefully, turn it into something that

382
00:24:13,520 --> 00:24:15,640
is mind-blowing.

383
00:24:17,400 --> 00:24:19,240
He contacted me about coaching.

384
00:24:20,280 --> 00:24:23,000
He mentioned that he's going
to be doing his 100th Ironman.

385
00:24:23,680 --> 00:24:27,175
The people that I coach, I tell them,
The only bad race is one where

386
00:24:27,200 --> 00:24:28,940
you don't learn something from it.

387
00:24:29,560 --> 00:24:33,160
There will be a thousand moments
where you don't know if you can do it.

388
00:24:34,320 --> 00:24:37,400
And you get your mind to be quiet,
and you realize, You know what?

389
00:24:38,360 --> 00:24:43,375
Those challenges will become the moments
that enrich your life the most.

390
00:24:43,400 --> 00:24:52,855
Reaching this 100th Ironman
means many things to me.

391
00:24:52,880 --> 00:24:55,960
One being, I'm finding my true self.

392
00:24:56,520 --> 00:24:58,240
I'm expressing my true self.

393
00:24:59,680 --> 00:25:02,080
If you benefit from my true self, great.

394
00:25:02,480 --> 00:25:06,080
If you hate me for doing that,
I'm sorry you feel that way.

395
00:25:06,720 --> 00:25:12,400
Not my problem.
What am I trying to say?

396
00:25:12,520 --> 00:25:14,855
Why am I doing 100 Ironman?
What's the point?

397
00:25:14,880 --> 00:25:22,840
A lot of it is I just want to be heard and
understood and not beat up from it.

398
00:25:24,080 --> 00:25:27,615
It got asked me, How do you know when you
have sobriety, conquered

399
00:25:27,640 --> 00:25:28,895
or addiction, conquered?

400
00:25:28,920 --> 00:25:31,440
And I said, When you
die of natural causes.

401
00:25:31,800 --> 00:25:33,655
There's your answer.
You did it.

402
00:25:33,680 --> 00:25:35,660
Congratulations.
You just can't talk about it.

403
00:25:36,200 --> 00:25:37,440
But everybody else will see it.

404
00:25:37,920 --> 00:25:39,535
That's when you know you've won.

405
00:25:39,560 --> 00:25:41,360
Until then, you haven't won shit.

406
00:25:41,880 --> 00:25:45,080
You're just in the battle
like everybody else.

407
00:25:47,240 --> 00:25:50,815
I am truly amazed at the human being
that he is and the soul that he is,

408
00:25:50,840 --> 00:25:54,720
because he truly is this
bright star in everything.

409
00:25:54,840 --> 00:25:58,815
Pain is in the darkness.

410
00:25:58,840 --> 00:26:00,575
It is a beacon in the night.

411
00:26:00,600 --> 00:26:03,080
I see it in people.

412
00:26:03,960 --> 00:26:12,400
And to watch him be,
have death threats, be having

413
00:26:13,240 --> 00:26:16,335
to go through this on a daily basis It's
like, how much can one

414
00:26:16,360 --> 00:26:18,360
person possibly fucking take?

415
00:26:19,160 --> 00:26:22,240
It makes me feel like I'm
going through that myself.

416
00:26:23,800 --> 00:26:27,680
Yeah, I'm tired of being hurt for things
that I don't think I should be hurt for.

417
00:26:30,200 --> 00:26:32,600
It's a never-ending
journey of self-betterment.

418
00:26:33,280 --> 00:26:38,135
I'll take all that hardship to know
that what I'm doing is helping

419
00:26:38,160 --> 00:26:40,360
somebody else who feels like I do.

420
00:26:40,640 --> 00:26:43,840
I'll be there for that type
of person anytime.

421
00:26:45,520 --> 00:26:47,680
That's a call I'd take during the Ironman.

422
00:26:47,880 --> 00:26:53,280
I'd actually stop during the Ironman
to talk to somebody who feels like that.

423
00:26:56,600 --> 00:26:59,120
That struck a chord.

424
00:27:01,040 --> 00:27:07,495
Because that's the real me.

425
00:27:07,520 --> 00:27:14,840
I would get off my bike and go,
What do you need, dude?

426
00:27:17,000 --> 00:27:19,520
I would.

427
00:27:21,960 --> 00:27:23,855
I'd be like, Fuck that race.

428
00:27:23,880 --> 00:27:31,760
And if people would just allow
that and Stop fucking with me.

429
00:27:32,800 --> 00:27:33,640
I could do more.

430
00:27:36,640 --> 00:27:40,640
Basically, for 30 years,
I had no sense of self-worth.

431
00:27:41,360 --> 00:27:45,335
My trauma was no one saw worth in me.
I was always beaten.

432
00:27:45,360 --> 00:27:47,335
I was always thrown out.

433
00:27:47,360 --> 00:27:49,400
No one cared about me.

434
00:27:50,320 --> 00:27:54,040
Those are the feelings of self-worth
that I developed, that

435
00:27:54,880 --> 00:27:57,220
no one else cares about me.
I don't care about me.

436
00:27:57,680 --> 00:27:59,575
It's not that I decided to get sober.

437
00:27:59,600 --> 00:28:03,360
I stopped using drugs and didn't
see a reason to go on.

438
00:28:04,040 --> 00:28:05,380
I tried killing myself.

439
00:28:06,200 --> 00:28:09,760
I'm grateful, thankful
that it didn't work.

440
00:28:10,520 --> 00:28:18,880
For the first time in 30 years,
I see that I am a loving,

441
00:28:19,040 --> 00:28:23,040
capable, caring person.

442
00:28:23,640 --> 00:28:27,200
And damn it, look at the people around me.

443
00:28:27,400 --> 00:28:29,160
You all care about me, too.

444
00:28:29,920 --> 00:28:33,880
And that's new for me.

445
00:28:34,720 --> 00:28:40,240
I can say I love myself, that I'm taking
positive steps towards a better future.

446
00:28:40,600 --> 00:28:43,040
Everything is just progress at this point.

447
00:28:44,080 --> 00:28:47,040
It may not be happening as fast as I think
it should be happening,

448
00:28:47,240 --> 00:28:49,615
but it's happening.
I see it daily.

449
00:28:49,640 --> 00:28:51,720
I see the growth.
I see the changes.

450
00:28:52,400 --> 00:28:54,480
I feel better.

451
00:28:55,200 --> 00:28:56,600
I'm thinking clearly.

452
00:28:57,120 --> 00:28:59,240
I've been high since I was 13 years old.

453
00:29:01,280 --> 00:29:06,560
Just so I didn't have to face who I was.

454
00:29:08,360 --> 00:29:12,880
I'm somebody that's
got something to prove now.

455
00:29:13,920 --> 00:29:19,855
I don't believe we ever get over or never
think about some of the horrible things

456
00:29:19,880 --> 00:29:21,920
that I've heard you
awesome people survive.

457
00:29:22,200 --> 00:29:26,695
However, I do believe that when you stop
the self-destruction to cope with those

458
00:29:26,720 --> 00:29:32,415
awful things, you give yourself a daily
opportunity to heal in whatever version

459
00:29:32,440 --> 00:29:35,600
that you feel that healing is,
looks like, and does.

460
00:29:36,200 --> 00:29:42,800
So the notion that you don't have to deal
with that stuff, that's not what we do.

461
00:29:43,160 --> 00:29:46,760
That's why people constantly go back is
because they're not dealing with that.

462
00:29:47,360 --> 00:29:51,575
So I want to make it crystal clear,
Racing for Recovery is wholeheartedly

463
00:29:51,600 --> 00:29:56,495
about understanding the impact of trauma,
whatever trauma is to you.

464
00:29:56,520 --> 00:29:59,095
What trauma is to you may not
be trauma to somebody else.

465
00:29:59,120 --> 00:29:59,840
That's okay.

466
00:30:00,760 --> 00:30:03,600
This is not a pissing contest.

467
00:30:04,080 --> 00:30:06,720
It's understanding the hearts
and the emotions behind it.

468
00:30:10,080 --> 00:30:12,880
You show me somebody who is using drugs,
I'll show you somebody that

469
00:30:13,640 --> 00:30:16,360
certainly doesn't like themselves
themselves most likely

470
00:30:16,520 --> 00:30:17,720
despises themselves.

471
00:30:17,960 --> 00:30:19,360
And that was my case for sure.

472
00:30:22,000 --> 00:30:26,015
The history of my substance abuse really
started with not feeling

473
00:30:26,040 --> 00:30:28,480
good as a kid, emotionally.
I just didn't feel right.

474
00:30:29,800 --> 00:30:30,920
I Never felt good enough.

475
00:30:32,520 --> 00:30:34,040
Didn't feel like I belonged.

476
00:30:34,960 --> 00:30:37,360
Knew I wasn't smart enough.
Didn't think I was good-looking.

477
00:30:37,385 --> 00:30:38,360
None of that.

478
00:30:41,520 --> 00:30:44,040
I have no memories of my mom whatsoever.

479
00:30:45,200 --> 00:30:46,960
She didn't have an accident.

480
00:30:47,160 --> 00:30:48,320
She chose to kill herself.

481
00:30:50,560 --> 00:30:54,015
She had said to this guy,
If you were going to kill yourself,

482
00:30:54,040 --> 00:30:55,080
how would you do it?

483
00:30:56,240 --> 00:31:00,440
And the guy said, I'd drive myself
head-on into a cement on that wall.

484
00:31:01,680 --> 00:31:05,040
And the next day, she went out and did it.

485
00:31:07,600 --> 00:31:12,440
When that bond is severed between a parent
and a child early on, it's catastrophic.

486
00:31:14,920 --> 00:31:16,560
My first love was hockey.

487
00:31:16,960 --> 00:31:20,880
I played goalie because I wanted
everything to be on my shoulders.

488
00:31:22,000 --> 00:31:24,520
I went to the rink like,
This is what I do,

489
00:31:25,160 --> 00:31:29,215
and this is how I cope with how I'm really
feeling on the inside, and I'm

490
00:31:29,240 --> 00:31:30,540
going to get something out of this.

491
00:31:30,600 --> 00:31:31,200
I loved it.

492
00:31:32,880 --> 00:31:38,480
My choice to start drinking at 13 was the
initial thing that I was throwing it away.

493
00:31:40,840 --> 00:31:42,935
I remember taking that first drink.

494
00:31:42,960 --> 00:31:44,040
It wasn't to fit in.

495
00:31:44,880 --> 00:31:48,440
It wasn't pure pressure.
I was curious of what it tasted like.

496
00:31:48,920 --> 00:31:54,975
It tasted like crap, but instantly I'm
like, I know I'm going down this road.

497
00:31:55,000 --> 00:31:55,520
That was it.

498
00:31:56,080 --> 00:31:59,015
Every time I put a substance
in me, it was full on.

499
00:31:59,040 --> 00:32:01,600
I never went out to I have
a couple beers with the guys.

500
00:32:02,200 --> 00:32:04,295
I wasn't drinking to have fun.

501
00:32:04,320 --> 00:32:06,600
I was drinking to not
wake up the next day.

502
00:32:08,120 --> 00:32:14,295
I had the audacity to think that it was
okay to do cocaine on a school

503
00:32:14,320 --> 00:32:16,080
bus going to a hockey game.

504
00:32:16,640 --> 00:32:19,440
I was that kid, and I didn't think
there was anything wrong with it.

505
00:32:20,920 --> 00:32:21,800
I didn't get caught.

506
00:32:22,000 --> 00:32:29,280
I got told on and believed by authority,
which removed me from their institution.

507
00:32:31,080 --> 00:32:35,535
At the height of my addiction, it was
all the same crap,

508
00:32:35,560 --> 00:32:36,700
anything I could get my hands on.

509
00:32:36,725 --> 00:32:41,080
A quarter ounce of cocaine over a weekend,
drinking two-fifths of whiskey a day.

510
00:32:42,200 --> 00:32:46,495
I went into a carryout,
and it opened at 10: 00, literally

511
00:32:46,520 --> 00:32:49,480
pounding on the door going, It's 10: 00.

512
00:32:49,560 --> 00:32:51,280
Open the effing door.

513
00:32:51,880 --> 00:32:55,855
Surprisingly, the guy opened it
and I'm like, I'm sorry, man.

514
00:32:55,880 --> 00:32:57,880
I need this.

515
00:32:58,040 --> 00:32:59,255
Not I want this.

516
00:32:59,280 --> 00:33:02,040
I needed it just to calm down.

517
00:33:03,320 --> 00:33:07,815
Even talking about this, I don't like it,
but I guess it's relative because it's

518
00:33:07,840 --> 00:33:12,255
the amount
of depravedy that I was into back then

519
00:33:12,280 --> 00:33:15,335
and the volume that I was doing is
applicable to the volume

520
00:33:15,360 --> 00:33:17,600
I'm doing sobriety.
It's the same thing.

521
00:33:18,640 --> 00:33:19,040
Full on.

522
00:33:20,560 --> 00:33:21,740
So how did you end up getting sober?

523
00:33:22,440 --> 00:33:25,600
I got arrested for my third
drunk driving charge.

524
00:33:25,720 --> 00:33:27,960
I stopped for two reasons.

525
00:33:28,920 --> 00:33:33,960
A, I was done with that, and B,
I was going to get something out of life.

526
00:33:35,520 --> 00:33:40,040
I've never touched it again,
never went to detox, quit cold turkey.

527
00:33:40,480 --> 00:33:44,520
So I gave myself an opportunity to live.

528
00:33:45,320 --> 00:33:49,080
And through that has led to Racing
for Recovery, which

529
00:33:50,080 --> 00:33:53,440
I've been fortunate enough to surround
myself with people that are better than me

530
00:33:53,760 --> 00:33:56,840
to make this program
better than I thought it could be.

531
00:33:57,600 --> 00:34:00,135
Not because of what I do,
because what I I have other

532
00:34:00,160 --> 00:34:01,760
people who are better than me do.

533
00:34:02,480 --> 00:34:09,320
Racing was the first rehab that I walked
into on my own wanting to get help,

534
00:34:09,640 --> 00:34:11,500
not told that I need to go get help.

535
00:34:12,200 --> 00:34:13,840
Nobody is going to do this for you.

536
00:34:14,360 --> 00:34:16,360
Racing for Recovery isn't
going to do it for you.

537
00:34:16,920 --> 00:34:17,840
You have to want it.

538
00:34:18,440 --> 00:34:23,520
I love the simple fact that
I can be a living,

539
00:34:23,880 --> 00:34:29,615
breathing example to the clients coming
to the store that with sobriety,

540
00:34:29,640 --> 00:34:30,480
anything is possible.

541
00:34:31,520 --> 00:34:35,960
I found so much comfort in being here
and giving back

542
00:34:36,880 --> 00:34:38,600
and showcasing a talent that I have.

543
00:34:40,520 --> 00:34:43,880
I like putting out good food
because I know when I sit down,

544
00:34:44,200 --> 00:34:48,495
how it makes me feel when somebody puts
together an awesome meal and actually

545
00:34:48,520 --> 00:34:51,240
takes the time and puts the love into it.

546
00:34:51,400 --> 00:34:53,120
It's a big deal to me.

547
00:34:53,480 --> 00:34:57,360
There's a lot of things out there to say,
It's vegan in the grocery store.

548
00:34:57,880 --> 00:34:58,720
It's not healthy.

549
00:34:59,520 --> 00:35:02,800
I go No more of the whole food
plant-based way of eating.

550
00:35:03,240 --> 00:35:06,735
Learning how to cook all over again
with different ingredients and stuff,

551
00:35:06,760 --> 00:35:08,760
it's been very therapeutic.

552
00:35:09,320 --> 00:35:12,720
I think everybody should be vegan.

553
00:35:13,840 --> 00:35:18,640
You're either living right
and eating right or you're not.

554
00:35:19,280 --> 00:35:20,840
That's not my opinion.
It's a fact.

555
00:35:21,960 --> 00:35:27,855
Why am I such a valuable resource
on everything except

556
00:35:27,880 --> 00:35:29,220
when it comes to food?

557
00:35:29,440 --> 00:35:35,040
I'm a brilliant individual until the topic
of food comes up, and then I'm an idiot.

558
00:35:37,760 --> 00:35:44,095
I'm going to read now from Do No Harm,
my pet pig, Milo, on the front, which he's

559
00:35:44,120 --> 00:35:46,280
making his movie debut here at some point.

560
00:35:46,560 --> 00:35:47,840
Which number book is this?

561
00:35:48,760 --> 00:35:50,280
This is my fourth book.

562
00:35:50,800 --> 00:35:55,375
One of the things vegans
hear all the time from non-vegans is

563
00:35:55,400 --> 00:35:59,280
the very insipid, quote,
animal lover, end quote, excuse.

564
00:35:59,920 --> 00:36:01,560
But Todd, I'm an animal lover.

565
00:36:01,880 --> 00:36:04,000
I have two dogs, and I also love cats.

566
00:36:04,560 --> 00:36:06,400
Yeah, I've heard it a million times.

567
00:36:07,000 --> 00:36:09,400
I do love animals, and maybe you do, too.

568
00:36:09,720 --> 00:36:12,200
The question is, how do you love them?

569
00:36:12,720 --> 00:36:13,960
Alive or dead?

570
00:36:14,200 --> 00:36:16,920
On your plate or in the form
of fashionable belt?

571
00:36:17,720 --> 00:36:20,360
This whole book is just
full of stuff like this.

572
00:36:21,040 --> 00:36:23,240
You want me to put some
facts in here, too?

573
00:36:23,800 --> 00:36:25,800
I mean, yeah, whatever
commentary you want to add.

574
00:36:25,825 --> 00:36:26,080
Yeah.

575
00:36:26,480 --> 00:36:31,760
Here's a fun fact for people who have been
affected by by breast cancer, which has

576
00:36:32,440 --> 00:36:34,840
taken the lives of many,
many, many individuals.

577
00:36:35,760 --> 00:36:37,375
A woman has one serving a day.

578
00:36:37,400 --> 00:36:42,495
She is 50 % more likely to die of breast
cancer than someone who does

579
00:36:42,520 --> 00:36:44,020
not consume dairy products.

580
00:36:44,480 --> 00:36:50,480
That's something that really hits
home because we are raping cows.

581
00:36:50,960 --> 00:36:53,200
How do you think they get impregnated?

582
00:36:54,080 --> 00:36:57,520
They're out there having sex
in a field with a bunch of horny cows?

583
00:36:57,840 --> 00:37:04,880
No, they are manipulated, holes
put in their sides of their stomach and

584
00:37:06,360 --> 00:37:09,655
people ingesting whatever pregnancy
stuff to get them pregnant.

585
00:37:09,680 --> 00:37:12,280
They don't want that.
That's rape.

586
00:37:14,000 --> 00:37:19,000
But yet People are just literally clueless
as to what's going on.

587
00:37:19,480 --> 00:37:23,855
The top 10 things that kill people every
day, they are all from what

588
00:37:23,880 --> 00:37:27,040
people eat, but nobody cares.

589
00:37:29,360 --> 00:37:31,280
It's It's huge.
It is.

590
00:37:31,760 --> 00:37:33,720
I can't wait.
It goes from that.

591
00:37:34,080 --> 00:37:37,400
That's the vacation home.
Yeah.

592
00:37:37,920 --> 00:37:39,175
His starter house.
Yeah.

593
00:37:39,200 --> 00:37:41,520
That was an investment.

594
00:37:42,040 --> 00:37:47,815
Milo needed a place to live other than
I mean, this is what he had when he first

595
00:37:47,840 --> 00:37:53,895
got out here, this little shed, which is
nice, but he needed a bigger house.

596
00:37:53,920 --> 00:37:55,480
He's a bougey pig.
He needs a big place.

597
00:37:55,505 --> 00:37:57,800
So I bought him that.

598
00:37:58,520 --> 00:37:59,855
He lived in our house.

599
00:37:59,880 --> 00:38:01,800
He had his own bedroom, his own bed.

600
00:38:02,400 --> 00:38:04,640
So he had it pretty good.
He didn't know any better.

601
00:38:04,665 --> 00:38:06,655
And we had cats and dogs.

602
00:38:06,680 --> 00:38:10,360
But he needs this type of environment
out here, which is great.

603
00:38:11,240 --> 00:38:12,200
We had a neighbor.

604
00:38:12,400 --> 00:38:15,535
He filed this thing
with the city of Simeonia.

605
00:38:15,560 --> 00:38:17,460
They got a pig, you got to get them out.

606
00:38:17,920 --> 00:38:19,080
So we battle the year.

607
00:38:19,520 --> 00:38:21,615
We reached out to the zoning Department.

608
00:38:21,640 --> 00:38:25,415
The planning manager says the ordinance
doesn't differentiate between farm

609
00:38:25,440 --> 00:38:28,680
livestock and nontraditional pets,
and this is a gray area.

610
00:38:28,840 --> 00:38:31,295
He says at this point,
the Crandall family can appeal

611
00:38:31,320 --> 00:38:33,840
to the zoning board,
which would buy them more time.

612
00:38:34,440 --> 00:38:37,920
He is a domesticated
emotional support soul.

613
00:38:38,080 --> 00:38:42,095
Meantime, Todd is working with an attorney
and has support from more than 25,000

614
00:38:42,120 --> 00:38:44,680
people worldwide through
an online petition.

615
00:38:45,000 --> 00:38:46,680
What does Todd Crandall eat on turkey?

616
00:38:47,560 --> 00:38:49,040
So I'm going to speak freely on this.

617
00:38:49,120 --> 00:38:54,800
I love the vibe of Thanksgiving, but the
traditions of it are complete bull crap.

618
00:38:55,720 --> 00:38:59,960
How can you sit around a table and give
thanks when you've got a dead turkey

619
00:39:00,440 --> 00:39:04,280
that some genius thought it was a great
idea to stuff a loaf of bread in its ass

620
00:39:04,960 --> 00:39:08,760
and then eat ass bread out
of something that was murdered?

621
00:39:09,120 --> 00:39:11,480
And we're thankful for that.
That just is...

622
00:39:12,000 --> 00:39:13,760
I'm sorry.
That is insane.

623
00:39:15,360 --> 00:39:15,720
Insane.

624
00:39:16,760 --> 00:39:17,580
Right there.

625
00:39:19,520 --> 00:39:21,460
How do you like your new house, dude?

626
00:39:21,920 --> 00:39:22,320
Huh?

627
00:39:23,080 --> 00:39:24,280
Sit.
Can you sit for me?

628
00:39:24,480 --> 00:39:24,720
Sit.

629
00:39:25,640 --> 00:39:26,560
Sit down.
Sit.

630
00:39:27,360 --> 00:39:29,520
A person could live in that
thing and be comfortable.

631
00:39:29,720 --> 00:39:32,855
I mean, I lived in my car,
so I would sleep in that thing.

632
00:39:32,880 --> 00:39:33,735
You know what I'm saying?

633
00:39:33,760 --> 00:39:36,815
He's lunched at a couple of people, and
they were like, What's up with your pig?

634
00:39:36,840 --> 00:39:38,560
And I'm like, Quit eating bacon, dude.

635
00:39:39,480 --> 00:39:40,760
Come on.

636
00:39:40,960 --> 00:39:43,920
Mario, come on.

637
00:39:45,120 --> 00:39:47,520
Here.
I'm trying to do what I know is right.

638
00:39:47,720 --> 00:39:49,000
Yeah, see, he'll run.

639
00:39:49,640 --> 00:39:50,320
Good boy.

640
00:39:51,200 --> 00:39:52,935
And I know what I'm doing is right.

641
00:39:52,960 --> 00:39:54,680
I know what Racing
for Recovery does is right.

642
00:39:54,705 --> 00:40:00,975
And if somebody doesn't like it,
it's not my problem.

643
00:40:01,000 --> 00:40:03,280
That took me a long time to accept that.

644
00:40:03,440 --> 00:40:09,135
I have many faults, I admit them,
but Racing for Recovery has done a lot

645
00:40:09,160 --> 00:40:13,080
of good for 22 years, and some
of that stuff is just a little ridiculous.

646
00:40:14,400 --> 00:40:18,200
I did addiction as much
as I do recovery, full-on.

647
00:40:18,680 --> 00:40:22,935
I don't do anything half-assed, nothing.

648
00:40:22,960 --> 00:40:26,495
So I've taken that level
of self-destruction,

649
00:40:26,520 --> 00:40:31,575
and I've just turned it into a tank
of self-betterment, not only for me,

650
00:40:31,600 --> 00:40:34,095
but for the betterment of mankind.

651
00:40:34,120 --> 00:40:40,335
It's really important to make sure
that this is enhancing your overall life.

652
00:40:40,360 --> 00:40:44,415
They have their personal purpose of why
they want to cross that finish line.

653
00:40:44,440 --> 00:40:46,375
It's ringing with challenge.

654
00:40:46,400 --> 00:40:48,855
It's dripping with potential setback.

655
00:40:48,880 --> 00:40:50,615
It's going to test you.

656
00:40:50,640 --> 00:40:57,055
One could look at me now and they see
the stuff, maybe what I drive,

657
00:40:57,080 --> 00:41:01,575
what I wear, where I go,
Leeds getting a hamburger out there

658
00:41:01,600 --> 00:41:04,615
and sitting out there all the time.

659
00:41:04,640 --> 00:41:08,935
Met Duff and the Cagans and Guns
of Roses in the LA Delta Club one time.

660
00:41:08,960 --> 00:41:11,295
I met him before,
so he sat right next to me.

661
00:41:11,320 --> 00:41:13,575
I'm like, Duff, what's up?

662
00:41:13,600 --> 00:41:16,615
We are now boarding
first-class passengers.

663
00:41:16,640 --> 00:41:18,935
Yeah, it's just an easier way to travel.

664
00:41:18,960 --> 00:41:25,255
Everything that I've done seems
to rattle cages, who I meet, what I do.

665
00:41:25,280 --> 00:41:27,895
And that used to bother me, now I love it.

666
00:41:27,920 --> 00:41:31,615
Because if I'm rattling your cage,
Take a look in the mirror and try

667
00:41:31,640 --> 00:41:35,455
and figure out why I'm rambling your
cage because I'm not really trying to.

668
00:41:35,480 --> 00:41:37,295
Kadeichi Lawrence has more.

669
00:41:37,320 --> 00:41:41,815
Todd Crandall is one of the hundreds
of athletes registering for the 70.

670
00:41:41,840 --> 00:41:44,800
3-mile triathlon race in Augusta Sunday.

671
00:41:45,000 --> 00:41:46,880
It would be his 98th race.

672
00:41:47,280 --> 00:41:50,175
I'm not out there
competing against people.

673
00:41:50,200 --> 00:41:52,640
I really don't care
about my finishing time.

674
00:41:52,920 --> 00:41:58,600
As long as I cross the finish line,
I'm a winner.

675
00:42:04,200 --> 00:42:07,720
Training for Ironman,
Ohio this year, that'll be in July.

676
00:42:10,040 --> 00:42:11,840
I am a bit nervous.

677
00:42:12,520 --> 00:42:15,840
Staying calm, Race Day morning
will be my biggest task.

678
00:42:16,600 --> 00:42:17,575
Don't be flat.

679
00:42:17,600 --> 00:42:21,815
When you're turning, your body,
it's like your head's on a scribble.

680
00:42:21,840 --> 00:42:22,535
Yeah.

681
00:42:22,560 --> 00:42:24,535
Right?
I used to do that, too.

682
00:42:24,560 --> 00:42:26,800
It's just flat, choppy.

683
00:42:27,800 --> 00:42:28,680
It's a glide.

684
00:42:29,520 --> 00:42:31,575
You know It's just a gliding.

685
00:42:31,600 --> 00:42:34,175
The energy conservation, too.
Oh, yeah.

686
00:42:34,200 --> 00:42:39,295
Everybody asks themselves while they're
training for one of these is,

687
00:42:39,320 --> 00:42:41,215
Why the heck am I doing this?

688
00:42:41,240 --> 00:42:45,520
For me, it's just pushing myself beyond
what I ever thought I'd be able to do.

689
00:42:48,120 --> 00:42:52,335
I never could stick with anything
in the past, so sticking with something

690
00:42:52,360 --> 00:42:54,920
and being consistent in it
means everything to me now.

691
00:42:56,960 --> 00:43:01,615
That's been the reason I'm doing
Ohio this year is because Shane's doing

692
00:43:01,640 --> 00:43:04,680
it, and I want to be
a part of him doing it.

693
00:43:06,200 --> 00:43:08,520
I don't even know what number
it will be for me at that point.

694
00:43:08,545 --> 00:43:09,840
I don't care about that.

695
00:43:10,200 --> 00:43:12,700
It'll be his first, and I'm
going to be like, I was there.

696
00:43:14,520 --> 00:43:21,400
Coming from addiction and self-destructive
behavior, doing something like this,

697
00:43:21,480 --> 00:43:25,120
which is,
I think, the purest form of love I can

698
00:43:25,280 --> 00:43:30,640
give my body,
doing all these things to prevent going

699
00:43:31,080 --> 00:43:33,960
back to anything that would
ever damage my body again.

700
00:43:37,120 --> 00:43:44,240
When I was using, I felt like I was trying
to attain something that I couldn't.

701
00:43:46,080 --> 00:43:48,960
I mean, it started out as
smoking pot, drinking beer.

702
00:43:49,520 --> 00:43:54,560
Turned into opiates,
and then that turned into heroin, and then

703
00:43:54,600 --> 00:43:57,360
eventually crack cocaine with the heroin.

704
00:43:58,040 --> 00:44:01,400
And that was
about a six-year opiate addiction, and

705
00:44:01,840 --> 00:44:05,920
then things really started to go downhill.

706
00:44:07,400 --> 00:44:11,800
This last time and final
time, I had a DUI.

707
00:44:12,400 --> 00:44:15,760
My parents got called because I didn't
show up to court in cars in their name.

708
00:44:16,480 --> 00:44:19,735
My mom called me, I remember,
and asked me,

709
00:44:19,760 --> 00:44:23,400
and I told her I was actively using,
and she saved my life that day.

710
00:44:29,920 --> 00:44:32,535
So your mom saved your life.

711
00:44:32,560 --> 00:44:34,160
Yeah.

712
00:44:36,080 --> 00:44:41,240
Coming in, I was honest with myself about
what I needed, where I was at,

713
00:44:41,920 --> 00:44:46,960
and Racing for Recovery provided me
the time that I needed to

714
00:44:47,560 --> 00:44:49,380
put in some real work with myself.

715
00:44:51,040 --> 00:44:54,695
Do you think it's problematic that Racing
for Recovery hires past clients,

716
00:44:54,720 --> 00:44:55,940
or do you think that's a strength?

717
00:44:56,400 --> 00:44:58,160
I believe it's a strength.

718
00:44:58,880 --> 00:45:02,375
I mean, who better to to
help you utilize the program,

719
00:45:02,400 --> 00:45:04,140
and then someone went through it.

720
00:45:06,600 --> 00:45:08,380
Of course, I want to start part-time.

721
00:45:08,880 --> 00:45:11,760
Just get my foot in the door,
get grounded.

722
00:45:12,600 --> 00:45:15,040
It may seem like a small step,
but it's a big step for me.

723
00:45:15,720 --> 00:45:16,800
Just getting back.

724
00:45:16,880 --> 00:45:18,780
It's like getting back into the world.

725
00:45:19,280 --> 00:45:21,840
Does it keep me woke at night?

726
00:45:22,160 --> 00:45:26,440
Does it take me away from concentrating
on what IOP is talking about?

727
00:45:26,760 --> 00:45:27,320
It doesn't.

728
00:45:28,120 --> 00:45:33,135
So again, if you put effort,
no matter how small the steps are,

729
00:45:33,160 --> 00:45:35,320
you put an effort, you stay focused.

730
00:45:35,960 --> 00:45:39,200
If you ask for help,
knowing that you need help,

731
00:45:40,880 --> 00:45:41,680
you can get it.

732
00:45:42,880 --> 00:45:46,800
I think there has to be a turning point
for everyone where it's internal that

733
00:45:47,320 --> 00:45:50,000
gives you the drive to actually change
things in your life,

734
00:45:50,600 --> 00:45:54,560
realizing the fact that I don't want this
anymore, and I want better for myself.

735
00:45:58,280 --> 00:46:02,080
I remember my dad asking me, Are you
ever going to make any money at this?

736
00:46:02,440 --> 00:46:05,120
You got four kids to feed,
and I said, Someday I will.

737
00:46:05,880 --> 00:46:08,400
Right now, no, but someday I will.

738
00:46:09,680 --> 00:46:11,320
This was started in a closet.

739
00:46:11,400 --> 00:46:16,175
We had three phone lines in my house
at the time, a personal phone a business

740
00:46:16,200 --> 00:46:18,520
phone, and a hardline fax machine.

741
00:46:18,640 --> 00:46:22,360
When the Racing for Recovery Line rang,
I was excited.

742
00:46:22,800 --> 00:46:25,775
When the Personal Line rang,
I didn't even care if I answered it,

743
00:46:25,800 --> 00:46:28,160
except when Duff McKagan
called me from Guns & Roses.

744
00:46:28,185 --> 00:46:29,135
That was cool.

745
00:46:29,160 --> 00:46:37,320
But it was a lot of worry, a lot
of anxiety, sometimes some depression.

746
00:46:37,480 --> 00:46:41,680
I was running this again out of my closet,
driving over to a church,

747
00:46:42,200 --> 00:46:46,495
setting up tables every Thursday night,
taking it down, putting the stuff back

748
00:46:46,520 --> 00:46:50,200
in my car, driving it back home,
putting it in the garage.

749
00:46:50,560 --> 00:46:53,320
Fifteen years of doing that for free.

750
00:46:54,600 --> 00:46:56,680
We were on government assistance.

751
00:46:56,760 --> 00:46:58,520
We were on Medicaid.

752
00:46:59,480 --> 00:47:03,760
Build my Dread it up,
lost it, filed for bankruptcy,

753
00:47:04,080 --> 00:47:07,440
started over again, all of it
to keep Racing for Recovery going.

754
00:47:08,680 --> 00:47:13,120
Filing paperwork to sign over the
foreclosure of your house, that's rough.

755
00:47:13,640 --> 00:47:14,980
But I'm like, take it.

756
00:47:15,360 --> 00:47:17,280
It's just a house.
It's just a thing.

757
00:47:17,800 --> 00:47:22,095
These materialistic things that I lost
along the way, I was like, so what, man?

758
00:47:22,120 --> 00:47:24,720
I mean, yeah, it sucks or whatever,
but it's just a thing.

759
00:47:25,200 --> 00:47:28,295
I was looking for that internal
satisfaction of what I'm doing

760
00:47:28,320 --> 00:47:30,000
and having to pay off, and it has.

761
00:47:31,520 --> 00:47:35,015
So that's another thing when people say,
Todd's all about money or whatever.

762
00:47:35,040 --> 00:47:38,920
I'm like, Hey, dude,
I effing earned this, man.

763
00:47:39,880 --> 00:47:42,840
So what if I'm making money right now?
Go out and make your own.

764
00:47:43,320 --> 00:47:44,960
I can't stand freeloaders.

765
00:47:45,280 --> 00:47:48,975
I got quite a few of them who have been
in and out of my life riding my coattails

766
00:47:49,000 --> 00:47:51,640
of what I've earned as they're
slandering me along the way.

767
00:47:52,240 --> 00:47:55,520
I know who did what they did
to me along this journey.

768
00:47:56,040 --> 00:47:58,175
And look who's sitting
here talking about it.

769
00:47:58,200 --> 00:47:59,680
Not you, me.

770
00:48:01,520 --> 00:48:05,415
So take that and put it somewhere that
most people aren't going to see, dude,

771
00:48:05,440 --> 00:48:07,680
because I'm still here and you ain't.

772
00:48:21,200 --> 00:48:27,520
All right, let's do it.

773
00:48:29,120 --> 00:48:34,680
To take this thing a closet to
get an opportunity to have this building,

774
00:48:35,280 --> 00:48:37,680
that felt amazing.

775
00:48:38,520 --> 00:48:42,760
I knew the day I started this
that it was going to be massive.

776
00:48:43,480 --> 00:48:48,880
I basically had 90% of the vision of what
this is just by walking through it.

777
00:48:49,440 --> 00:48:55,440
Our look of this building is unlike no
other out there, and people love it.

778
00:48:55,640 --> 00:49:00,200
There's posters of success
all over this place.

779
00:49:00,400 --> 00:49:03,480
I don't need anybody to tell
me they think I'm awesome.

780
00:49:04,480 --> 00:49:08,440
That's nice, like I said before,
but I don't come in here looking for that.

781
00:49:09,120 --> 00:49:13,280
It's just like a tension breaker,
a relationship builder.

782
00:49:14,200 --> 00:49:16,800
That's why that stuff's up there.

783
00:49:16,960 --> 00:49:21,400
We've had a mindset of having this
place be, we call it show ready.

784
00:49:21,840 --> 00:49:24,815
Anybody who walks to the door at any time,
they're going to see it looking.

785
00:49:24,840 --> 00:49:27,840
It's like we don't run a broom before
everybody comes in to clean it.

786
00:49:27,865 --> 00:49:28,880
It's all the time.

787
00:49:30,440 --> 00:49:35,215
I am not the smartest man in the world,
but I am brilliant in putting people

788
00:49:35,240 --> 00:49:39,095
around me that are better than me,
that can help take what's in my heart

789
00:49:39,120 --> 00:49:41,680
and soul and make it better
than I ever envisioned.

790
00:49:43,200 --> 00:49:44,695
Is that it?
That's it.

791
00:49:44,720 --> 00:49:47,975
Wow.
My part of the pain was, yeah.

792
00:49:48,000 --> 00:49:48,580
Yeah.

793
00:49:49,600 --> 00:49:51,935
This deserves a round of applause, guys.

794
00:49:51,960 --> 00:49:58,815
Start up a good friendship, and hopefully
a good partnership for years to come.

795
00:49:58,840 --> 00:49:59,900
Absolutely.
Thank you so much.

796
00:49:59,925 --> 00:50:01,575
I appreciate it.
All good.

797
00:50:01,600 --> 00:50:02,920
Thank you, everybody.

798
00:50:03,720 --> 00:50:04,380
We own this thing.

799
00:50:06,600 --> 00:50:07,080
We own it.

800
00:50:09,280 --> 00:50:11,360
We had no money, and look what we got.

801
00:50:12,360 --> 00:50:13,680
That's a testament of itself.

802
00:50:14,680 --> 00:50:18,080
This is what I've tried to show you guys
with this, despite everything we've lost,

803
00:50:19,400 --> 00:50:20,100
which sucks.

804
00:50:21,240 --> 00:50:24,615
You want to do something and you work your
ass off, you can fucking

805
00:50:24,640 --> 00:50:25,860
do anything you want.

806
00:50:26,200 --> 00:50:27,020
Anything.

807
00:50:28,080 --> 00:50:29,440
So this is a big day.

808
00:50:31,600 --> 00:50:33,720
99 Ironman's here in Boulder.

809
00:50:35,080 --> 00:50:42,760
I love the emotions that I feel because of
the physical pushing that I do on my body.

810
00:50:42,920 --> 00:50:44,960
It's a great rush.

811
00:50:45,960 --> 00:50:52,240
If you can find comfort in that, agony
and physical pain, that says something.

812
00:50:55,760 --> 00:50:58,615
I don't feel pressure to do it.

813
00:50:58,640 --> 00:51:02,735
I feel relief
It's like, I only have to do one more

814
00:51:02,760 --> 00:51:04,760
of these things, and then I can chill out.

815
00:51:06,480 --> 00:51:10,375
Hundreds of athletes competed in the
Ironman race in Boulder this morning.

816
00:51:10,400 --> 00:51:13,495
It is an impressive event,
but even more impressive than that race

817
00:51:13,520 --> 00:51:15,815
are the people taking in our heart.

818
00:51:15,840 --> 00:51:19,615
Dapper 7's Christian Lopes introduces us
to one competitor making

819
00:51:19,640 --> 00:51:21,720
an important milestone today.

820
00:51:21,800 --> 00:51:26,800
Todd Crandall says this event helped
him overcome years of family trauma.

821
00:51:26,960 --> 00:51:29,855
I come from a 13-year
addiction to drugs and alcohol.

822
00:51:29,880 --> 00:51:34,735
I got sober in April of 1993 after
receiving my third drunk driving charge.

823
00:51:34,760 --> 00:51:40,455
Life is about service to other people
in need, and that's what we're here to do.

824
00:51:40,480 --> 00:51:45,400
Crandall says he'll compete in his 100th
Ironman race in Hawaii this October.

825
00:51:46,680 --> 00:51:49,160
Reporting in Boulder,
I'm Christian Lopez, Denver 7.

826
00:51:52,440 --> 00:51:53,800
I don't know, man.

827
00:51:54,280 --> 00:51:57,775
It's hard.

828
00:51:57,800 --> 00:51:59,560
This is the hardest part about it.

829
00:52:00,200 --> 00:52:01,520
Hakee, I look at the boats.

830
00:52:01,600 --> 00:52:03,935
Can I swim to a boat and stuff?

831
00:52:03,960 --> 00:52:06,160
It's like, Okay, then go to the next one.

832
00:52:06,720 --> 00:52:12,000
I've been at several Ironman's where
multiple people have died.

833
00:52:12,560 --> 00:52:19,040
I think a lot of people maybe get
into this before they really should.

834
00:52:19,800 --> 00:52:23,495
Definitely that swim,
people start off too hard.

835
00:52:23,520 --> 00:52:25,415
They lose their breath.

836
00:52:25,440 --> 00:52:29,920
They start to panic, and that's
where I think a lot of people drown.

837
00:52:30,000 --> 00:52:35,695
My daughters were with me at Ironman,
Wisconsin, a couple of years ago,

838
00:52:35,720 --> 00:52:38,255
and two dads died during the swim.

839
00:52:38,280 --> 00:52:43,800
And they were pulling people out,
and she's, Is that my dad?

840
00:52:45,320 --> 00:52:48,200
Damn, I wasn't expecting that.

841
00:52:48,240 --> 00:52:55,295
When I look at it from that perspective,
it freaks me out a little bit,

842
00:52:55,320 --> 00:52:57,680
and then I use it as motivation.

843
00:52:57,760 --> 00:53:00,775
Todd had some anxiety lady about the swim.

844
00:53:00,800 --> 00:53:06,095
If you're focused on one aspect
of the mechanics of the stroke, there's

845
00:53:06,120 --> 00:53:07,775
no space in your brain to be afraid.

846
00:53:07,800 --> 00:53:11,975
The mantra for you to say to yourself all
day out in the water is,

847
00:53:12,000 --> 00:53:13,055
The ocean is my friend.

848
00:53:13,080 --> 00:53:14,775
The ocean is my friend.

849
00:53:14,800 --> 00:53:17,855
The ocean is my friend.

850
00:53:17,880 --> 00:53:23,575
It's just the, Hey,
you could die out here.

851
00:53:23,600 --> 00:53:25,415
You know what?

852
00:53:25,440 --> 00:53:27,160
I could die walking across the street.

853
00:53:27,240 --> 00:53:29,375
I could die having
a heart attack right now.

854
00:53:29,400 --> 00:53:32,775
If I die an Ironman,
have the news cover it, promote

855
00:53:32,800 --> 00:53:34,535
racing for recovery, and we're good.

856
00:53:34,560 --> 00:53:37,440
I'm not going to live in fear,
but yeah, people die.

857
00:53:41,360 --> 00:53:44,975
Do you ever worry about Todd dying
during an Ironman?

858
00:53:45,000 --> 00:53:45,700
Never.

859
00:53:46,680 --> 00:53:49,775
What about when
he's about to do the swim portion?

860
00:53:49,800 --> 00:53:52,695
Do you ever worry about it?

861
00:53:52,720 --> 00:53:54,660
I never worry that something's
going to happen to him.

862
00:53:55,480 --> 00:53:59,600
That's my job, take care of him to make
sure that that doesn't

863
00:54:03,120 --> 00:54:06,400
I make sure that his
energy field is set up.

864
00:54:06,600 --> 00:54:09,960
We've got everything prepared
the day before the race.

865
00:54:10,960 --> 00:54:13,935
Anything really that makes
his life easier.

866
00:54:13,960 --> 00:54:18,800
It's really cool to be
in tune to someone that much,

867
00:54:19,160 --> 00:54:23,335
where a lot of times,
she will have things ready for me before

868
00:54:23,360 --> 00:54:25,880
I even know that I need them for myself.

869
00:54:27,080 --> 00:54:30,495
And that's really what the relationship
started out at, is How

870
00:54:30,520 --> 00:54:31,720
can I take your pain away?

871
00:54:32,240 --> 00:54:38,520
When we go on out to Ironman's and take
trips, I do the flight schedules, hotels,

872
00:54:39,040 --> 00:54:40,240
anything that he needs.

873
00:54:41,760 --> 00:54:46,455
I have to say I'm pretty in tune to him,
probably more so than anybody

874
00:54:46,480 --> 00:54:48,400
I've ever been in my life.

875
00:54:50,040 --> 00:54:53,360
I think most people would
probably say enough is enough.

876
00:54:53,840 --> 00:54:59,520
I would never tell him that that's too
much or you're done doing them because

877
00:55:00,360 --> 00:55:06,455
I think if it makes him happy and he's
working out whatever poisons need to be

878
00:55:06,480 --> 00:55:09,160
worked out of there,
then that's a positive thing.

879
00:55:10,400 --> 00:55:13,880
Frankly, I'm in awe
of how he handles stuff.

880
00:55:15,320 --> 00:55:19,415
That's why I never fear
that something bad is going to happen.

881
00:55:19,440 --> 00:55:21,400
He works all that out in his head.

882
00:55:21,600 --> 00:55:23,055
There's always a backup plan.

883
00:55:23,080 --> 00:55:25,240
There's always a way
to figure something out.

884
00:55:26,160 --> 00:55:28,360
If something were to happen to him,
how would you feel?

885
00:55:31,280 --> 00:55:34,120
To tap into that feeling,
I would be absolutely devastated.

886
00:55:52,040 --> 00:55:53,020
Sorry.
You're good.

887
00:56:15,400 --> 00:56:17,840
There's a ton of motivational
stories out there.

888
00:56:19,960 --> 00:56:22,600
Someone overcame an adversity
and they achieved something.

889
00:56:22,720 --> 00:56:23,160
Great.

890
00:56:24,640 --> 00:56:26,280
What did that do for humanity?

891
00:56:30,960 --> 00:56:34,815
My story is not about I did coke
and now I'm running Ironman.

892
00:56:34,840 --> 00:56:35,480
That's a part of it.

893
00:56:35,505 --> 00:56:39,400
The story is what I'm doing with Racing
for Recovery and the success of that.

894
00:56:39,720 --> 00:56:40,600
That's the story.

895
00:56:43,640 --> 00:56:47,680
I'm not addicted to anything.

896
00:56:48,240 --> 00:56:53,015
I am focused on
a myriad of things that allow me to live

897
00:56:53,040 --> 00:56:55,520
a balanced, holistic
lifestyle that I enjoy living.

898
00:56:56,640 --> 00:56:58,280
I'm not addicted to this.

899
00:57:00,000 --> 00:57:02,640
When it's causing pain to other
people, that's a problem.

900
00:57:03,760 --> 00:57:08,400
When it's helping other people,
keep doing that.

901
00:57:11,840 --> 00:57:13,455
Empathy, humility, and gratitude.

902
00:57:13,480 --> 00:57:17,215
I'm empathetic to somebody
that sees that and is jealous of it.

903
00:57:17,240 --> 00:57:18,455
And that's a lot of what this is.

904
00:57:18,480 --> 00:57:19,560
There's a lot of jealousy.

905
00:57:19,585 --> 00:57:21,280
I'm like, Dude, why are you jealous?

906
00:57:21,800 --> 00:57:23,495
What's wrong?
What do you need?

907
00:57:23,520 --> 00:57:24,935
How do I help you?

908
00:57:24,960 --> 00:57:26,480
Because I've done the same thing.

909
00:57:26,505 --> 00:57:29,280
I earned this, man.

910
00:57:29,440 --> 00:57:31,735
I'm not trying to prove
anything, I don't think.

911
00:57:31,760 --> 00:57:36,575
I'm trying to show what can be done.

912
00:57:36,600 --> 00:57:42,855
When you look around and you see where
you're at, you're in this incredible

913
00:57:42,880 --> 00:57:45,800
place that was created by volcanoes.

914
00:57:46,280 --> 00:57:50,855
It's vast and it's powerful,
and you can feel the spirit of the island

915
00:57:50,880 --> 00:57:55,600
just coming out of everything
different than any other place that you'll

916
00:57:55,680 --> 00:57:59,480
ever compete, any other place
that you'll ever be on this planet.

917
00:57:59,960 --> 00:58:01,720
And that's what makes it amazing.

918
00:58:02,800 --> 00:58:08,215
When I land, I give thanks
to the island for even being here.

919
00:58:08,240 --> 00:58:11,215
When it's hard and hot,
windy and all that, I'm like,

920
00:58:11,240 --> 00:58:14,495
I'm grateful to experience all this
physical pain right now because it's

921
00:58:14,520 --> 00:58:19,375
the spiritual reward at the end that all
the physical suffering,

922
00:58:19,400 --> 00:58:22,175
if you will, is worth it.

923
00:58:22,200 --> 00:58:28,255
But then when you put it into perspective,
there's so much needless suffering

924
00:58:28,280 --> 00:58:33,080
that goes on in the world A
suffering of an Ironman is nothing.

925
00:58:34,280 --> 00:58:39,880
I'm getting really shocked up, dude.

926
00:58:41,320 --> 00:58:42,600
This sucks.

927
00:58:43,360 --> 00:58:44,560
This is so hard.

928
00:58:45,720 --> 00:58:52,680
I think one of the biggest pieces for
Todd's 100th is what will be beyond that.

929
00:58:53,360 --> 00:58:56,040
What lessons has he learned
through this journey?

930
00:58:57,240 --> 00:59:00,240
Every single one of those finishes he
earned is, of Of course,

931
00:59:00,480 --> 00:59:02,095
you have your support team.

932
00:59:02,120 --> 00:59:05,535
They allow you to get to the start line,
but it's you that gets

933
00:59:05,560 --> 00:59:07,695
you to that finish line.

934
00:59:07,720 --> 00:59:10,775
We'll look at it kindly.

935
00:59:10,800 --> 00:59:18,975
Todd Grandle, doing his one That was 23

936
00:59:19,000 --> 00:59:23,815
years of doing triathlon that led

937
00:59:23,840 --> 00:59:27,255
to one 30-second euphoric feeling.

938
00:59:27,280 --> 00:59:40,800
You are It was awesome.

939
00:59:41,280 --> 00:59:43,320
Totally awesome.

940
00:59:43,400 --> 00:59:47,375
It was everything and then some
that I thought it was going to be.

941
00:59:47,400 --> 00:59:50,320
That's another reason why I don't want
to do it again is because it

942
00:59:50,345 --> 00:59:52,975
won't capture that same feeling.

943
00:59:53,000 --> 00:59:58,975
So what's the point in doing that?

944
00:59:59,000 --> 01:00:12,520
I've done 106 Ironman since 1999.

945
01:00:12,720 --> 01:00:14,720
I've had some of these
for a number of years.

946
01:00:14,745 --> 01:00:17,695
World Championship one from St.

947
01:00:17,720 --> 01:00:18,975
George that I wore.

948
01:00:19,000 --> 01:00:22,560
How I look translate into how I feel.

949
01:00:22,840 --> 01:00:25,720
This one I'm wearing at Penn State.

950
01:00:25,800 --> 01:00:27,800
I got a photographer coming out.

951
01:00:28,160 --> 01:00:29,695
I know she's going to be
taking some pictures.

952
01:00:29,720 --> 01:00:30,840
I've I've never had a red one.

953
01:00:30,865 --> 01:00:33,375
I got a magenta bike I'm riding.

954
01:00:33,400 --> 01:00:37,840
So already I'm visualizing what
the pictures are going to look like.

955
01:00:38,040 --> 01:00:41,080
And those are the things
that help me carry on.

956
01:00:41,400 --> 01:00:44,200
Next year, I want to do a thing where I'm
doing a certain number

957
01:00:44,225 --> 01:00:45,880
on X number of continents.

958
01:00:46,520 --> 01:00:50,320
I want to make it where I'm going
to a town, doing a talk at a school,

959
01:00:50,480 --> 01:00:55,855
having a vegan meal somewhere,
marketing the book, meeting some...

960
01:00:55,880 --> 01:00:56,575
Whatever.

961
01:00:56,600 --> 01:01:01,495
So the hook of,
Hey, I used to be a a drug user, and now

962
01:01:01,520 --> 01:01:04,520
I'm doing my 106th Ironman or whatever.

963
01:01:04,800 --> 01:01:06,280
That's what started this whole thing.

964
01:01:09,040 --> 01:01:16,200
So the little fears I was speaking about
earlier, I've had them fears all my life.

965
01:01:16,520 --> 01:01:21,295
Not that I want to blame anything
on traumas and circumstances

966
01:01:21,320 --> 01:01:25,735
and environment, but them things actually
had a lot to do with why I became

967
01:01:25,760 --> 01:01:28,920
the person I did, why I started
thinking the way I did at a young age.

968
01:01:29,560 --> 01:01:32,740
And I I didn't know to put any
of that together throughout my whole life.

969
01:01:33,000 --> 01:01:37,655
Some pretty not good stuff happened to me
at a young age, and it set

970
01:01:37,680 --> 01:01:39,180
my mind to thinking differently.

971
01:01:39,280 --> 01:01:41,935
And then the household I grew up
in with an abusive father,

972
01:01:41,960 --> 01:01:46,255
that also had my mind set in a state of
fear and unsure about

973
01:01:46,280 --> 01:01:47,580
everything and anything.

974
01:01:47,800 --> 01:01:51,655
And so I had to create and figure out ways
to be happy and smile and not

975
01:01:51,680 --> 01:01:52,680
think about those things.

976
01:01:52,705 --> 01:01:56,680
And it really wasn't my fault that it got
started like that,

977
01:01:57,080 --> 01:02:00,975
but it was my fault at some point why I
continued to make I had choices off

978
01:02:01,000 --> 01:02:05,560
the old mindset and the ways that
I thought to protect myself and survive.

979
01:02:06,520 --> 01:02:11,480
This place here has helped me look at all
that in a new life and place it where

980
01:02:12,560 --> 01:02:16,600
it's categorically better in my mind,
and I'm fighting them fierce.

981
01:02:17,080 --> 01:02:18,360
And I ain't doing it by myself.

982
01:02:18,840 --> 01:02:20,920
There's plenty of people around that help.

983
01:02:21,520 --> 01:02:23,000
The positive power around here.

984
01:02:23,360 --> 01:02:28,815
Every day getting healthier with working
out and every day being involved

985
01:02:28,840 --> 01:02:31,135
in things that are good.
The band.

986
01:02:31,160 --> 01:02:35,455
And I've been told quite a few times since
I've been here, things I've

987
01:02:35,480 --> 01:02:36,575
said have helped people.

988
01:02:36,600 --> 01:02:38,920
I never, ever saw that coming.
Never saw it coming.

989
01:02:39,120 --> 01:02:43,880
And so I can't hide behind my fears and I
can't entertain any negative thoughts

990
01:02:44,280 --> 01:02:46,800
because if I do that,
then I'm just going to start killing

991
01:02:46,825 --> 01:02:49,880
my self-worth again,
and I'll be back out there again.

992
01:02:50,800 --> 01:02:53,960
I might be where I don't want to be.

993
01:02:54,800 --> 01:02:57,540
I want to live today,
and that's why I'm staying alive today.

994
01:03:03,400 --> 01:03:05,780
What percentage of clients
actually maintain sobriety?

995
01:03:08,760 --> 01:03:10,215
I would say 25%.

996
01:03:10,240 --> 01:03:17,080
I think the wanting it and actually
doing it are two different things.

997
01:03:18,960 --> 01:03:21,120
I feel it.
I feel for them.

998
01:03:21,840 --> 01:03:28,135
But I believe if I let it affect me more
than just that, I wouldn't be

999
01:03:28,160 --> 01:03:29,420
able to help the next person.

1000
01:03:29,760 --> 01:03:34,015
Yeah, There have been a few people
that I've watched go through the program

1001
01:03:34,040 --> 01:03:37,855
and leave right when you think they're
making a breakthrough,

1002
01:03:37,880 --> 01:03:41,160
and that's right when I think
that they want to exit the program.

1003
01:03:42,000 --> 01:03:47,320
There might be something so deep in there
that they aren't ready to tackle that.

1004
01:03:49,440 --> 01:03:50,920
I don't use the word failure.

1005
01:03:51,440 --> 01:03:53,160
I use the word not succeed yet.

1006
01:03:54,160 --> 01:03:56,760
And every time someone doesn't quite make
it,

1007
01:03:57,200 --> 01:04:00,855
either permanently or they just haven't
made it yet, it reminds me of how

1008
01:04:00,880 --> 01:04:02,320
grateful I am to have what I have.

1009
01:04:03,560 --> 01:04:06,680
You read about people dying that were
coming through here and stuff.

1010
01:04:06,840 --> 01:04:10,175
It breaks your heart, really,
because it's like you couldn't reach them

1011
01:04:10,200 --> 01:04:14,440
enough to make them
want to better their life.

1012
01:04:15,200 --> 01:04:19,615
Does that make you question the program's
approach or your own approach?

1013
01:04:19,640 --> 01:04:21,215
Not at all.

1014
01:04:21,240 --> 01:04:22,960
No, because I know what it did for me.

1015
01:04:22,985 --> 01:04:26,360
I know what it did for all kinds of staff
that work here,

1016
01:04:26,840 --> 01:04:28,440
and we all got something in common.

1017
01:04:28,960 --> 01:04:29,760
We wanted to change.

1018
01:04:30,200 --> 01:04:33,440
We wanted a different way of living life,
and we found it.

1019
01:04:36,160 --> 01:04:40,255
What Racing for Recovery did for me was
they actually believed in me

1020
01:04:40,280 --> 01:04:42,800
until I started believing in myself.

1021
01:04:44,640 --> 01:04:46,660
She's One of the things
that make her happy.

1022
01:04:47,280 --> 01:04:51,960
By getting her GED, she worked
at gas stations her whole life.

1023
01:04:52,200 --> 01:04:53,880
She's not just content where she's at.

1024
01:04:54,040 --> 01:04:55,200
She wants to keep going.

1025
01:04:55,640 --> 01:04:57,320
What can I accomplish next?

1026
01:04:59,120 --> 01:04:59,780
Samantha Wauw.

1027
01:05:00,240 --> 01:05:03,320
The

1028
01:05:07,920 --> 01:05:10,415
process I started, and then my mom ended

1029
01:05:10,440 --> 01:05:16,415
up passing away, and I got depressed,
so that lost motivation.

1030
01:05:16,440 --> 01:05:20,120
And then I finally was like,
No, I need to finish this.

1031
01:05:20,400 --> 01:05:22,320
And I followed my dream.

1032
01:05:22,800 --> 01:05:25,880
And it means a lot to have
all of you guys here with me.

1033
01:05:26,320 --> 01:05:29,280
There's two people missing,
but I know they're here in my heart.

1034
01:05:30,480 --> 01:05:32,575
It means a lot.
Your mom's proud of you.

1035
01:05:32,600 --> 01:05:34,160
She's looking down on you.

1036
01:05:36,640 --> 01:05:41,175
I was there with you all the time.
You know what it was.

1037
01:05:41,200 --> 01:05:41,720
I see.

1038
01:05:42,240 --> 01:05:48,360
Five years ago from living on the side of
the freeway in California to doing this.

1039
01:05:48,560 --> 01:05:49,960
This is what it's all about.

1040
01:05:51,120 --> 01:05:53,240
She did this all on her own.

1041
01:05:54,240 --> 01:05:57,080
Motivation, now she's a CDCA holder.

1042
01:05:57,200 --> 01:06:01,440
I went to only two GED classes,
and I did I'm going to rest on my phone.

1043
01:06:01,840 --> 01:06:04,880
My phone is crack screen,
but that is dedication.

1044
01:06:05,320 --> 01:06:06,360
I'd be trying to sleep.

1045
01:06:06,385 --> 01:06:08,415
There she is, studying.

1046
01:06:08,440 --> 01:06:11,080
I never was like, Oh, go for it.

1047
01:06:11,160 --> 01:06:13,120
That's what it takes.
Sleeped it.

1048
01:06:13,640 --> 01:06:16,015
What are you guys doing?
Come get over here.

1049
01:06:16,040 --> 01:06:16,975
Oh, you're family.

1050
01:06:17,000 --> 01:06:19,120
You don't do what you do
in a happy call family.

1051
01:06:19,145 --> 01:06:22,160
You think you ain't family.
You and Julie both are family.

1052
01:06:23,240 --> 01:06:24,920
You're proud of me, so you're crying.

1053
01:06:24,945 --> 01:06:26,400
I love you, baby.

1054
01:06:27,320 --> 01:06:32,520
I It's going to sound lame,
but there are sometimes...

1055
01:06:32,640 --> 01:06:34,360
My mom has Facebook.

1056
01:06:35,320 --> 01:06:41,695
And the day that I graduated,
I messaged her and told her how good

1057
01:06:41,720 --> 01:06:43,880
I'm doing, and I know she'd be proud.

1058
01:06:49,600 --> 01:06:54,655
A little anxious, a lot of people here,
but we'll get in the water

1059
01:06:54,680 --> 01:06:56,280
and it's go time from there.

1060
01:06:57,160 --> 01:07:01,720
The last race, I started writing
something on my hands so I can look at it.

1061
01:07:01,920 --> 01:07:06,920
Today, I got breathe for the swim,
grind for the bike, and my mother

1062
01:07:07,400 --> 01:07:10,120
because she's here for this race,
so that's real special to me.

1063
01:07:12,160 --> 01:07:15,680
I am looking forward to a relaxing swim.

1064
01:07:16,360 --> 01:07:21,535
I'm looking forward to a non-windy bike
in a very hot run, and I hope to hook up

1065
01:07:21,560 --> 01:07:26,375
with Josh and Shane so all three of us
can cross the finish line together.

1066
01:07:26,400 --> 01:07:30,895
That'd be pretty cool.

1067
01:07:30,920 --> 01:07:37,040
So it seems like all the way up until you
get in the water,

1068
01:07:37,920 --> 01:07:41,480
that seems like it takes forever.

1069
01:07:43,280 --> 01:07:47,400
The hardest part for me
is usually the swim.

1070
01:07:47,800 --> 01:07:56,880
There is some anxiety, but my drive is
off the hook, and I do it every time.

1071
01:07:57,600 --> 01:08:02,520
And then as soon as that gun fires,
It's like you punched your time card.

1072
01:08:03,320 --> 01:08:07,415
There's people by, your goggles are
fogging up, can't see where you're going.

1073
01:08:07,440 --> 01:08:11,455
The immediate thing is,
I'm going to drown.

1074
01:08:11,480 --> 01:08:12,695
It's a fight or flight.

1075
01:08:12,720 --> 01:08:18,655
And then I have to remind myself to slow
down because I'm probably starting

1076
01:08:18,680 --> 01:08:21,640
at a pace that I can't keep
throughout the whole course.

1077
01:08:21,840 --> 01:08:25,975
You can never show up here and have
it be unicorns and rainbows.

1078
01:08:26,000 --> 01:08:29,815
It's like this is a real human experience.
It's a raw experience.

1079
01:08:29,840 --> 01:08:30,175
Is.

1080
01:08:30,200 --> 01:08:34,440
I think on a personal level,
it's going to help me set

1081
01:08:34,880 --> 01:08:40,240
new goals for myself and hopefully be
able to give that back to clients, too.

1082
01:08:41,640 --> 01:08:44,880
He tells everyone,
My only goal is to complete

1083
01:08:45,440 --> 01:08:50,560
to complete the swim,
complete the bike, complete the run,

1084
01:08:50,760 --> 01:08:52,160
and cross the finish line.

1085
01:08:56,000 --> 01:09:00,680
There were plenty of times during
training that I I'd want to give up.

1086
01:09:02,240 --> 01:09:05,640
But just to keep going and showing
myself that you can get through a lot.

1087
01:09:06,520 --> 01:09:09,000
That achievement alone was
pretty important to me.

1088
01:09:10,080 --> 01:09:13,880
It's so big that it's hard to take
a step back and look at it sometimes.

1089
01:09:14,640 --> 01:09:19,280
But I do have those moments where
I'm able to look at how far I've come.

1090
01:09:19,720 --> 01:09:23,160
But other than that,
it's usually just what's next.

1091
01:09:27,760 --> 01:09:30,480
And that's what he wants
to do in life is be a winner.

1092
01:09:30,840 --> 01:09:36,520
He's practicing that every day
in his sobriety, in his physical fitness,

1093
01:09:36,760 --> 01:09:39,360
in his employment through
Racing for Recovery.

1094
01:09:39,520 --> 01:09:44,255
And he's trying to share back what's been
shared with him, and I'm

1095
01:09:44,280 --> 01:09:46,160
very proud of him for that.

1096
01:09:48,160 --> 01:09:54,455
For me, watching somebody go
from addict to Ironman, it's awesome.

1097
01:09:54,480 --> 01:10:00,575
What I truly enjoy is when they apply
that physical Ironman finish And then

1098
01:10:00,600 --> 01:10:05,455
on to the next one of self-improvement,
spirituality, family.

1099
01:10:05,480 --> 01:10:18,895
That's really what the Ironman is about.

1100
01:10:18,920 --> 01:10:27,760
Taking somebody that literally has come
in here with a trash bag full of clothes

1101
01:10:28,480 --> 01:10:34,120
and then watch them like themselves,
not use drugs, getting

1102
01:10:34,800 --> 01:10:39,255
engaged with their family, it's amazing.

1103
01:10:39,280 --> 01:10:48,935
Having gone through 16 years or so
of substance abuse, self-destructive

1104
01:10:48,960 --> 01:10:56,400
behaviors, I think it's amazing, right?

1105
01:11:08,200 --> 01:11:14,680
I don't put on a costume
every day to pretend to be somebody.

1106
01:11:15,840 --> 01:11:16,440
I am that guy.

1107
01:11:18,040 --> 01:11:21,520
Every time we come in for an Ironman,
this is my job.

1108
01:11:22,400 --> 01:11:28,760
I get to lay out all of these
sunnies and create a little vibe for Todd.

1109
01:11:29,720 --> 01:11:34,440
All All of these get polished,
so they look the best in photos.

1110
01:11:35,280 --> 01:11:36,240
It makes him feel good.

1111
01:11:37,240 --> 01:11:38,600
Do you think that's unusual?

1112
01:11:39,680 --> 01:11:41,080
Do I?
No, not at all.

1113
01:11:41,280 --> 01:11:43,975
No?
I don't think it's unusual at all.

1114
01:11:44,000 --> 01:11:49,760
I think it's part of setting
the vibe and making him feel good.

1115
01:11:50,000 --> 01:11:52,120
It's part of the presentation, right?

1116
01:11:52,800 --> 01:11:54,495
You want to dress for success.

1117
01:11:54,520 --> 01:11:56,800
You want to dress
for what makes you happy.

1118
01:11:57,400 --> 01:12:03,135
When you get dressed and you put
the outfit on and you feel your best

1119
01:12:03,160 --> 01:12:05,280
and you look your best,
you're going to do your best.

1120
01:12:05,960 --> 01:12:07,215
You just have that ritual.

1121
01:12:07,240 --> 01:12:14,080
I come in in every, whether it be
a hotel or an Airbnb, and make it a home.

1122
01:12:15,120 --> 01:12:19,535
Sometimes there's just days where he's
having a rough go around

1123
01:12:19,560 --> 01:12:21,335
and the anxiety sets in.

1124
01:12:21,360 --> 01:12:25,880
I think sometimes I just have a knack of
knowing what he needs before he needs it.

1125
01:12:27,040 --> 01:12:29,720
It's a little bit of that OCD
that kicks in every once in a while.

1126
01:12:30,040 --> 01:12:32,535
It comes in handy.

1127
01:12:32,560 --> 01:12:37,415
I mean, I think that's probably why I
enjoy those tedious tasks of polishing

1128
01:12:37,440 --> 01:12:40,320
the oak leaves and the little
attention to detail.

1129
01:12:43,320 --> 01:12:45,160
And that I'll hang up downstairs Of

1130
01:12:56,520 --> 01:12:57,180
course.

1131
01:13:15,680 --> 01:13:16,460
Everything

1132
01:13:23,880 --> 01:13:27,215
that I do in the morning is for me

1133
01:13:27,240 --> 01:13:30,695
initially,
but I know other people are going to get

1134
01:13:30,720 --> 01:13:32,680
the best version of me to help them.

1135
01:13:32,960 --> 01:13:34,120
And that's my purpose.

1136
01:13:34,480 --> 01:13:36,495
But it's not to get up
and motivate people.

1137
01:13:36,520 --> 01:13:38,180
I could do that from the couch.

1138
01:13:38,480 --> 01:13:44,280
I will do something to maintain
the mindset that I crave every day,

1139
01:13:44,920 --> 01:13:46,440
whatever that is.

1140
01:13:47,600 --> 01:13:51,240
I'm not trying to create
more versions of me.

1141
01:13:52,120 --> 01:13:58,215
I'm trying to take what I do that has been
proven to work and have somebody utilize

1142
01:13:58,240 --> 01:13:59,760
that wellness for their own wellness.

1143
01:14:00,200 --> 01:14:01,780
That's a different ball game.

1144
01:14:03,400 --> 01:14:07,400
That's what makes me freaking awesome
at what I do in service of people.

1145
01:14:08,520 --> 01:14:11,040
I know this shit.
I didn't read it in a textbook.

1146
01:14:12,040 --> 01:14:13,520
That's why those kids connect to me.

1147
01:14:15,040 --> 01:14:18,055
So here's where my
whole thing begins, really.

1148
01:14:18,080 --> 01:14:24,400
And ironically,
Saturday, when I'm doing my 111th Ironman,

1149
01:14:25,280 --> 01:14:30,360
53 years ago to the day, my real mom
committed suicide from drugs and alcohol.

1150
01:14:31,360 --> 01:14:35,695
Her killing herself, I never grew up
going, oh, my God, my mom killed herself.

1151
01:14:35,720 --> 01:14:37,440
Poor me.
I'm going to end up doing coke.

1152
01:14:37,960 --> 01:14:39,295
That's not my mindset.

1153
01:14:39,320 --> 01:14:40,720
I didn't even know her.

1154
01:14:41,040 --> 01:14:42,440
I have no memories of her.

1155
01:14:42,920 --> 01:14:46,880
But as a 56-year-old man,
who is a licensed counselor

1156
01:14:47,400 --> 01:14:49,600
working with people who have endured
trauma,

1157
01:14:50,400 --> 01:14:54,120
I can look back and look at myself as
that three-year-old kid and go,

1158
01:14:54,200 --> 01:14:55,920
how did that kid really feel?

1159
01:14:56,480 --> 01:14:57,760
So if you've gone through...

1160
01:14:58,480 --> 01:15:02,655
Your parents have gotten divorced,
You've unfortunately been physically

1161
01:15:02,680 --> 01:15:06,240
assaulted or, God forbid,
sexually or shit has happened to you,

1162
01:15:06,960 --> 01:15:09,840
that's where I believe
a choice to use drugs starts.

1163
01:15:10,640 --> 01:15:14,815
When you're snorting a line or whatever,
you're drinking whatever,

1164
01:15:14,840 --> 01:15:17,280
We're all going, Man, my life sucks.

1165
01:15:17,720 --> 01:15:19,080
I wish I could do this.

1166
01:15:19,360 --> 01:15:20,560
I should have done that.

1167
01:15:21,160 --> 01:15:23,320
That talk is going to get you nowhere.

1168
01:15:23,920 --> 01:15:28,295
If you put this stuff down,
and that includes criminal activity or

1169
01:15:28,320 --> 01:15:30,760
whatever you guys are doing,
when When that stops,

1170
01:15:31,200 --> 01:15:35,080
as I said earlier, you just gave
yourself a key to do whatever you want.

1171
01:15:35,640 --> 01:15:38,960
One decision to quit doing drugs and look
what it's doing for people,

1172
01:15:39,200 --> 01:15:40,255
that's pretty fun.

1173
01:15:40,280 --> 01:15:44,240
And you guys can do
something like that in your own way.

1174
01:15:45,200 --> 01:15:45,680
Makes sense?

1175
01:15:47,360 --> 01:15:49,240
Ask me some questions.
I'm done talking.

1176
01:15:50,320 --> 01:15:53,935
I mean, it's an opportunity
to get information.

1177
01:15:53,960 --> 01:15:55,760
Help me with my recovery.

1178
01:15:55,920 --> 01:15:59,575
I haven't completed a lot of things
in my life, and everything that I do,

1179
01:15:59,600 --> 01:16:04,255
that I do complete, it's like,
All right, I did this.

1180
01:16:04,280 --> 01:16:07,095
I did the work.
It builds self-esteem.

1181
01:16:07,120 --> 01:16:08,560
It makes me feel good about myself.

1182
01:16:09,400 --> 01:16:14,135
I used to run a lot,
but hearing about you doing all these

1183
01:16:14,160 --> 01:16:16,200
Ironman and all that made me
want to start running again.

1184
01:16:16,225 --> 01:16:21,775
So I was going to ask you,
what should my process be to eventually do

1185
01:16:21,800 --> 01:16:27,160
half marathons, then marathons, and then
move up with recovery and all that?

1186
01:16:27,400 --> 01:16:30,655
As you said that, I immediately started
looking at shoes, and I'm like,

1187
01:16:30,680 --> 01:16:31,800
why wouldn't run in those?

1188
01:16:32,560 --> 01:16:37,680
So I would get some shoes and then
look up proper training programs.

1189
01:16:38,480 --> 01:16:41,335
Go to a running store, get properly fit.

1190
01:16:41,360 --> 01:16:44,000
If you need help, I'll help with that.
Start running.

1191
01:16:44,440 --> 01:16:48,240
And then when you want to get
into this or whatever, I'll show you.

1192
01:16:50,400 --> 01:16:53,720
One thing I want those kids to get
out of it is they are of value.

1193
01:16:55,160 --> 01:17:00,600
What they were doing is not who they are,
and what they will become come

1194
01:17:00,840 --> 01:17:02,360
is what they're destined to do.

1195
01:17:04,440 --> 01:17:07,440
I speak with my heart
before I think a lot.

1196
01:17:07,680 --> 01:17:10,160
And yesterday, I'm like, I don't know
what you guys are doing tomorrow.

1197
01:17:10,185 --> 01:17:12,360
I'd go running with some people tomorrow.

1198
01:17:12,480 --> 01:17:16,535
And I wasn't thinking of,
I just did an Ironman three days ago.

1199
01:17:16,560 --> 01:17:17,360
I'm still tired.

1200
01:17:18,720 --> 01:17:21,880
But they showed up,
and I'm like, Let's go.

1201
01:17:22,800 --> 01:17:25,720
It was awesome
running with those guys today.

1202
01:17:27,400 --> 01:17:31,695
I feel like it's just a different way
of life a different way of living,

1203
01:17:31,720 --> 01:17:33,200
the morals that you stand on.

1204
01:17:34,000 --> 01:17:37,455
A lot of them make you be a better person
and continue to be

1205
01:17:37,480 --> 01:17:38,640
a better person day by day.

1206
01:17:38,665 --> 01:17:41,775
And that is something that I want to do.

1207
01:17:41,800 --> 01:17:46,775
I don't want to be a bad guy,
do the same stuff over and over again.

1208
01:17:46,800 --> 01:17:49,935
He showed up till he
had brand new shoes on.

1209
01:17:49,960 --> 01:17:52,735
And I asked him about them.

1210
01:17:52,760 --> 01:17:54,575
I said, Hey, did you have those?

1211
01:17:54,600 --> 01:18:01,600
And he said, I got them yesterday
after the talk, which I was like, wow.

1212
01:18:02,000 --> 01:18:04,320
Running is something that I want to do.

1213
01:18:04,560 --> 01:18:07,695
I feel like what's the better
chance to do it with Todd?

1214
01:18:07,720 --> 01:18:15,735
I stress that the bad is over and the good
is coming as long as you don't

1215
01:18:15,760 --> 01:18:17,880
use drugs or hurt yourself.

1216
01:18:18,560 --> 01:18:21,455
I don't want to be admired.

1217
01:18:21,480 --> 01:18:25,880
I just want to be
an example of what can be.

1218
01:18:27,920 --> 01:18:29,460
Do you ever contemplate suicide?

1219
01:18:37,880 --> 01:18:42,535
I can't even count how many
times I've thought of that.

1220
01:18:42,560 --> 01:18:49,120
I wouldn't even I'd say for 53 years,
I've probably felt

1221
01:18:50,600 --> 01:18:56,680
that in some capacity for over half.

1222
01:18:57,560 --> 01:18:59,080
I mean, it's over 50 %.

1223
01:19:00,080 --> 01:19:07,400
Has it been really bad?

1224
01:19:08,000 --> 01:19:14,520
I'd say 25 % of that time.

1225
01:19:16,040 --> 01:19:19,320
Has it been even worse than that,

1226
01:19:19,720 --> 01:19:26,080
getting where you're taking your

1227
01:19:29,440 --> 01:19:31,400
research and your plan and your

1228
01:19:46,760 --> 01:19:47,380
My next question

1229
01:19:47,640 --> 01:19:51,760
is, why didn't you follow through with it?

1230
01:19:52,880 --> 01:19:53,660
I can't.

1231
01:19:58,960 --> 01:20:02,055
Is it because you feel like
your work isn't done yet?

1232
01:20:02,080 --> 01:20:02,280
No.

1233
01:20:04,960 --> 01:20:11,280
I can't because I

1234
01:20:15,000 --> 01:20:17,320
can't do that to other people.
Sure.

1235
01:20:19,600 --> 01:20:26,120
Because I'm not giving it to anybody that
said, See, I knew he wouldn't make it.

1236
01:20:26,800 --> 01:20:27,280
Fuck you.

1237
01:20:29,040 --> 01:20:31,815
Massive storm hitting the East East Coast
and severe weather slamming

1238
01:20:31,840 --> 01:20:32,960
the center of the country.

1239
01:20:33,120 --> 01:20:35,960
Tropical storm Ophelia
churned up the East Coast.

1240
01:20:36,240 --> 01:20:39,535
Ophelia first made landfall
in North Carolina early Saturday,

1241
01:20:39,560 --> 01:20:42,600
bringing 70-mile-per-hour winds
and coastal flooding,

1242
01:20:42,760 --> 01:20:47,215
the slow moving storm drenching the I-95
corridor, and more rain as expected

1243
01:20:47,240 --> 01:20:51,880
from New York City to Boston on Monday,
making for a rough morning commute.

1244
01:20:54,120 --> 01:21:00,935
This stuff with my mom,
I'm always very stoic about it.

1245
01:21:00,960 --> 01:21:02,495
I've been defiant about it.

1246
01:21:02,520 --> 01:21:07,975
I've been angry about it,
but I've never really broken down and just

1247
01:21:08,000 --> 01:21:13,680
acknowledged that hurt that I have.

1248
01:21:13,920 --> 01:21:20,775
I used to look at it in anger of what
she did that in the frustration

1249
01:21:20,800 --> 01:21:22,320
and questioning why she did that.

1250
01:21:23,480 --> 01:21:26,200
Then through my addiction,
I understood why she did that.

1251
01:21:27,000 --> 01:21:31,400
And through 30 years of being sober,
I'm really trying to embrace

1252
01:21:32,840 --> 01:21:37,040
what that did to me as a kid,
how it carried over as a man,

1253
01:21:39,600 --> 01:21:43,880
and the potential I have
to continuously heal to do good with it.

1254
01:21:44,320 --> 01:21:47,295
And the time is We're seating
right now here at Jones Beach.

1255
01:21:47,320 --> 01:21:50,880
But when the water levels increase later
today, that's when authorities are warning

1256
01:21:50,905 --> 01:21:53,815
residents to look out
for more coastal flooding.

1257
01:21:53,840 --> 01:21:57,695
And as we continue to see the-For me,
this has been about, look what

1258
01:21:57,720 --> 01:22:03,480
her death has done for people.

1259
01:22:12,200 --> 01:22:19,695
If
the roles were reversed and I looked down

1260
01:22:19,720 --> 01:22:23,975
on my kids doing something
like this, I'd be...

1261
01:22:24,000 --> 01:22:29,320
I'd make...

1262
01:22:29,520 --> 01:22:31,775
I'd be proud of them.

1263
01:22:31,800 --> 01:22:41,495
I want to be remembered as somebody
that gave everything that they had to make

1264
01:22:41,520 --> 01:22:44,415
something work that was bigger than them.

1265
01:22:44,440 --> 01:22:49,415
It hasn't come without a lot of loss.

1266
01:22:49,440 --> 01:22:56,455
Some of that loss has been very difficult,
but I think that loss had to occur so I

1267
01:22:56,480 --> 01:23:03,760
could truly embrace what
my life's purpose is.

1268
01:23:20,480 --> 01:23:24,120
People ask me all,
How do you do those things?

1269
01:23:24,280 --> 01:23:25,560
This is a part of it.

1270
01:23:25,840 --> 01:23:28,295
You do one, you take care of your body.

1271
01:23:28,320 --> 01:23:34,175
These are compression boots that just
circulate compression cycles

1272
01:23:34,200 --> 01:23:38,200
on my legs to heal up and do it again.

1273
01:23:38,360 --> 01:23:40,495
In two weeks, do I have it again?

1274
01:23:40,520 --> 01:23:42,560
Oh my God, I got another
one in two freaking weeks.

1275
01:23:43,600 --> 01:23:43,800
Jesus.