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Downloaded from
YTS.MX

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[mabilis na musika]

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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX

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[mga malalabong usapan]

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[tumutugtog ang "Mabuhay Is A Lie"]

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Ladies and gentlemen, Red Ollero!

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[malalakas na palo ng drums,
sigawan, at palakpakan]

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Grabe, thank you so much.

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Just… Siguro, ilang years ago,
nahihirapan akong magpuno ng theater.

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And now, I think this weekend,
we filled up three shows.

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- Man. So, thank you.
- [hiyawan at palakpakan]

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Grabe.

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Medyo nasa awkward part ako ng career ko
na parang umaangat ako pero hindi pa.

14
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And then, alam mo 'yon?
Parang… Hindi siya almost famous.

15
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- I'd like to call it "alanganin famous".
- [tawanan]

16
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Na-gets n'yo ba 'yon? Alanganin.

17
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"Alanganin famous."
'Yong parang, "sikat siya pero…"

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[tawanan]

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'Yon 'yong tipong sikat na kailangan
n'yo pa akong i-explain sa barkada n'yo.

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[tawanan]

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00:01:57,408 --> 00:02:00,537
Pag alanganin famous ka, maraming mga…

22
00:02:00,620 --> 00:02:03,081
maraming things na nangyayari,
ang hirap react-an.

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00:02:03,164 --> 00:02:07,168
Like, naglalakad ka sa mall,
tapos may makakasalubong ka na parang…

24
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[tawanan]

25
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- Ben&Ben.
- [tawanan]

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[palakpakan]

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'Yon 'yon. 'Yon 'yon talaga. Ben&Ben.
Napagkakamalan akong Ben&Ben parati

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kasi siya 'yong pinakasikat na mataba
for a long time, di ba?

29
00:02:33,903 --> 00:02:35,780
'Yong mataba do'n sa Ben&Ben.

30
00:02:35,864 --> 00:02:38,992
Hindi n'yo alam, 'no,
kung bakit, 'no? Di n'yo alam 'yong rule?

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Di n'yo… Ah, talaga?
Wow. Okay. Explain ko sa inyo.

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Sa showbiz, sa Pilipinas,
may unwritten rule

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na isang mataba lang
ang allowed na sikat at a time.

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Hindi puwedeng dalawang matabang sikat.
Never nangyari sa history 'yon.

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May isa lang naka-assign
na on top na mataba doon.

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Tapos recently,
di ba nagpapayat 'yong isang Ben&Ben?

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Nagpapayat siya. So di na siya qualified.

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Oo. Hindi na siya qualified.
Kinick na namin siya sa group chat namin.

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[tawanan]

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00:03:14,569 --> 00:03:17,363
Mayro'n kaming
"Matatabang Celebrity" group chat.

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00:03:17,447 --> 00:03:20,783
Kinick na namin siya kaagad.
"'Tang ina, normal na BMI mo, amputa."

42
00:03:20,867 --> 00:03:21,701
[tawanan]

43
00:03:22,493 --> 00:03:23,995
"Ano'ng blood pressure mo, ha?

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Bakit normal 'yan, ha?"

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Di ba? So kinick na namin siya.
So ngayon, may void.

46
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May power vacuum na nangyayari.

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May power struggle
between me and Ninong Ry.

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[tawanan]

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00:03:38,468 --> 00:03:40,678
- Di ba?
- [hiyawan at palakpakan]

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And honestly,

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ewan ko sa inyo, pero tingin ko,
'yong next na bonafide sikat na mataba,

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dapat ako.

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- Di ba? Di ba kayo…
- [hiyawan]

54
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- Hindi. Parang napilitan kayo, eh!
- [hiyawan at palakpakan]

55
00:03:56,277 --> 00:03:59,572
Parang napilitan kayo.
Explain… Ico-convince ko kayo, pare.

56
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Ayaw ko ng pilitan, okay?
Kasi ako… Lahat ng sikat na mataba before,

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ang kinasikat lang nila
is something fat adjacent.

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00:04:10,124 --> 00:04:12,001
'Yon lang. Na-gets n'yo ba? Fat adjacent.

59
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'Yong kinasikat nila
is katabaan lang, di ba? Like si Monty.

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Di ba? Ano'ng pangalan ng banda…

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00:04:18,591 --> 00:04:20,802
"Ano'ng pangalan ng banda mo, Monty?"
"Mayonnaise!"

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[tawanan]

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Di ba? Si Jun Sabayton,

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sikat lang siya dahil nakahubad 'yon…
wala siyang t-shirt parati.

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Nakita 'yong katabaan niya.
Wednesday ko lang 'yon, eh!

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[tawanan]

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00:04:32,522 --> 00:04:34,274
Araw-araw ko ginagawa 'yan, di ba?

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00:04:34,357 --> 00:04:36,818
Tayong matataba,
that's like a typical day, di ba?

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00:04:36,901 --> 00:04:42,240
"Oh, luto tayo ng ano, crispy pata.
Luto tayo ng ano, crispy dinuguan."

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"Ah, cool." "Crispy kare-kare." Di ba?
Puro gano'n lang. Diyos ko.

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Araw-araw ko ginagawa 'yon.
Sus, kakain ako. Wow, okay.

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Wala silang bine-bring
something new to the table.

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Di ba? Lahat fat adjacent stuff.
Parating… [mga ungol]

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[tawanan]

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"Busog na ako!" Puro gano'n, di ba?
Ako, pare. Tingnan mo naman.

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- Look at the fucking swag, pare.
- [hiyawan]

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- [palakpakan]
- [Red] Ha?

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Pare, pinapatunayan ko pag mataba ka,
puwede kang manamit nang may kulay.

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May kulay… Sino'ng… Di ba?

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Before me, lahat ng mataba, nakaitim lang.

81
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Ngayon nakikita ko,

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sa mga shows, may mga matataba,
nagsusuot sila ng may kulay.

83
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Lumalabas, nagkaka-confidence na tayo.

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Last show, may nakita ako,
putsa, mataba, naka-purple.

85
00:05:34,083 --> 00:05:35,918
Naka-purple na mataba!

86
00:05:36,753 --> 00:05:39,380
Alam n'yo ba
kung ga'no kahirap maging mataba

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tapos magsuot ng purple?

88
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[tawanan]

89
00:05:43,009 --> 00:05:46,763
Nagsuot ka ng purple, paglabas mo
pa lang sa bahay mo, "Grimace!"

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- [tawanan]
- [Red] Di ba? Gano'n.

91
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Pero wala, may confidence na siya, pare.
Kasi I break borders, pare.

92
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Tingnan mo naman 'to.

93
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Look at this bespoke custom kimono jacket
by Wear Amu that I'm wearing.

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{\an8}You could see the back side
with the custom…

95
00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:02,528
{\an8}[hiyawan at palakpakan]

96
00:06:03,571 --> 00:06:04,739
{\an8}…embroidery.

97
00:06:06,908 --> 00:06:09,410
Di ba? Putsa, naka-Jordans ako, pare.

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00:06:09,494 --> 00:06:12,372
Alam mo 'yon? Di ba?
Wala, 'yon talaga, eh, di ba?

99
00:06:12,455 --> 00:06:16,751
Pinapatunayan ko sa lahat
ng mga tao na may value ang katabaan.

100
00:06:16,834 --> 00:06:21,047
Hindi lang sa… Alam mo 'yon?
Di ba? Ang dami kong, like…

101
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Every show, pinapakita ko sa mga tao

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na may value ang katabaan
in history and society.

103
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Maraming contributions ang matataba.
Hindi n'yo alam. Hindi n'yo alam, 'no?

104
00:06:32,350 --> 00:06:34,727
Sige, tingnan mo,
ang daming payat dito na mga…

105
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Biased kayo sa history.
Tingin n'yo payat nagpapatakbo ng mundo?

106
00:06:38,523 --> 00:06:43,861
Wala. Gago, ang dami naming iniimbento
na you just take for granted ngayon, man.

107
00:06:43,945 --> 00:06:47,240
Oo. Ang daming iniimbento ng matataba.
Di ko 'to ni-research pero inisip ko lang.

108
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I mean, di naman na kailangan
ng research ngayon, di ba?

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[tawanan]

110
00:06:51,285 --> 00:06:55,665
Pero pakinggan n'yo. Plausible, eh.
Plausible siya. Okay? Ah…

111
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Feeling ko, mataba
ang nag-imbento ng escalator.

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[tawanan]

113
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Tingin n'yo payat
ang nakaimbento ng escalator?

114
00:07:06,509 --> 00:07:09,470
Payat ang nakaimbento
ng automatic hagdanan?

115
00:07:10,179 --> 00:07:12,306
Wala naman kayong problema
sa hagdanan, eh!

116
00:07:12,390 --> 00:07:16,811
Di ba? It is pain and suffering
that breeds innovation, pare.

117
00:07:17,311 --> 00:07:19,355
So iniisip ko, at some point in history,

118
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may matabang engineer
na naglalakad papuntang fifth floor.

119
00:07:24,026 --> 00:07:26,904
'Yon kasi 'yong threshold
ng katabaan. Alam mo 'yon?

120
00:07:26,988 --> 00:07:29,115
Fourth floor, maximum namin 'yon, eh.

121
00:07:29,198 --> 00:07:32,201
Pagdating sa fifth floor, parang,
"Oh, shit. Mamamatay ako."

122
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Oo, gano'n. So umaakyat siya
hanggang fifth floor, di ba?

123
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[humihingal] "Nakakapagod, grabe.

124
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Alam mo, balang araw, gagawa ako
ng hagdanan na umaakyat mag-isa."

125
00:07:45,006 --> 00:07:47,216
At naimbento ang escalator.

126
00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:52,054
Kaya pasalamatan natin
si Paul Thomas Escalator.

127
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[tawanan]

128
00:07:53,389 --> 00:07:56,100
The inventor of… Totoo 'to, pare.
Check n'yo sa TikTok.

129
00:07:56,184 --> 00:07:57,852
[tawanan, hiyawan, at palakpakan]

130
00:07:59,812 --> 00:08:01,355
Ando'n lahat ng katotohanan.

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00:08:02,899 --> 00:08:05,443
Di ba? Totoo. Check n'yo. Di ba?

132
00:08:05,526 --> 00:08:09,113
Ano pa 'yong inimbento ng matataba?
Di n'yo alam. Mga payat talaga, mga…

133
00:08:09,197 --> 00:08:11,908
Kinakain n'yo lang
mga mainstream payat propaganda, eh.

134
00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:16,287
Di ba? Ano pa kayang inimbento
ng mga matataba, pare? Bidet.

135
00:08:17,538 --> 00:08:20,374
Lahat kayo gumagamit ng bidet.
Nakikita ko, okay.

136
00:08:20,917 --> 00:08:23,169
Nakikita ko sa mga mukha n'yo.
Mga bidet users kayo.

137
00:08:23,252 --> 00:08:25,755
Pero alam n'yo bang mataba
ang nag-imbento ng bidet?

138
00:08:25,838 --> 00:08:29,050
Tingin n'yo payat ang nag-imbento
ng bidet? Abot n'yo puwet n'yo.

139
00:08:29,133 --> 00:08:31,177
- [tawanan]
- [Red] Ha? Abot n'yo lahat, di ba?

140
00:08:31,260 --> 00:08:34,847
"Ooh, payat ako. Abot ko lahat." Di ba?

141
00:08:35,348 --> 00:08:38,351
- What a great life…
- [tawanan]

142
00:08:39,477 --> 00:08:40,728
…you live, mga payat.

143
00:08:40,811 --> 00:08:44,148
Tingin n'yo kayo nag-imbento ng…
Hindi, mataba ang nag-imbento ng bidet.

144
00:08:44,232 --> 00:08:47,735
May isang tao, for sure, umupo,
inventor siguro siya, di ba,

145
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di niya mahugasan 'yong puwet,
"Di ko maabot 'yong puwet ko na!

146
00:08:51,197 --> 00:08:52,573
Kasi kain ako nang kain!

147
00:08:52,657 --> 00:08:56,160
Alam mo, baka puwede akong
mag-imbento ng hose or spray,

148
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tapos spray ko na lang
'yong tae sa puwet ko.

149
00:08:59,664 --> 00:09:02,333
Spray tae sa puwet ko.
Wala na! Wala nang tae."

150
00:09:02,416 --> 00:09:06,837
Tapos naimbento 'yong bidet.
Kaya palakpakan natin si John Bidet.

151
00:09:06,921 --> 00:09:08,464
[tawanan at palakpakan]

152
00:09:10,424 --> 00:09:13,636
- Totoo 'to. Nasa TikTok 'to, promise.
- [tawanan]

153
00:09:13,719 --> 00:09:19,976
John Bidet, the inventor of bidet. Totoo.
Ang dami pa, pare. Sobra. Wheelchair. Ha?

154
00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:23,354
Wheelchair. Mataba
ang nag-imbento ng wheelchair.

155
00:09:24,146 --> 00:09:28,359
Granted, though, na no'ng unang
in-envision niya 'yong wheelchair,

156
00:09:28,442 --> 00:09:31,862
gumawa lang siya ng upuan
na may gulong para hindi na siya tumayo.

157
00:09:33,197 --> 00:09:35,449
So parang tuwang-tuwa siya,
"Okay, guys! Naimbento ko na.

158
00:09:35,533 --> 00:09:39,620
Hindi na tayo tatayo para kumuha
ng bagay! Nakaupo tayo all the time.

159
00:09:39,704 --> 00:09:42,707
Pupunta tayo do'n." 'Yong ibang tao,
nakita nila 'yong wheelchair, "Uy!

160
00:09:42,790 --> 00:09:46,502
Okay 'yan, puwede 'yan sa mga disabled
saka sa mga pilay." Tapos sabi niya…

161
00:09:48,629 --> 00:09:50,006
- "Oo nga!"
- [tawanan]

162
00:09:51,716 --> 00:09:54,552
"Para dito nga 'yon."

163
00:09:55,469 --> 00:09:59,599
Ang dami niyang natulungan.
Palakpakan natin si Wesley Wheelchair.

164
00:09:59,682 --> 00:10:01,058
[tawanan]

165
00:10:03,144 --> 00:10:06,647
Mga ibang tao, naggu-Google na, 'no?
"'Tang ina, totoo ba 'to?" Di ba?

166
00:10:06,731 --> 00:10:08,983
O baka naman isipin n'yo puro foreign.

167
00:10:09,066 --> 00:10:11,485
Puro mga foreign inventors
'yong mga sinasabi ko.

168
00:10:11,569 --> 00:10:13,029
Pare, may Pinoy din na mataba

169
00:10:13,821 --> 00:10:16,365
na nag-rise above the ranks
and nakaimbento siya ng maganda.

170
00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:21,871
Alam n'yo ba Pinoy na mataba
ang nag-imbento ng silvanas?

171
00:10:21,954 --> 00:10:22,788
[mahinang tawa]

172
00:10:24,206 --> 00:10:27,543
Alam n'yo ba kung ano 'yong silvanas?
Tingnan mo 'yong mga ibang payat, di alam.

173
00:10:28,252 --> 00:10:30,630
Nakikita ko 'yong kalungkutan
sa mga mukha n'yo.

174
00:10:31,297 --> 00:10:34,467
Dahil hindi n'yo pa alam
ang silvanas. Ano'ng klaseng tao kayo?

175
00:10:35,009 --> 00:10:36,927
Di ba? Silvanas. Di n'yo alam silvanas?

176
00:10:37,011 --> 00:10:41,182
Pag di n'yo alam ang silvanas, basically,
siya 'yong portable version ng sans rival.

177
00:10:41,849 --> 00:10:45,311
Oo, sans rival, you can eat
on the go, pare, di ba?

178
00:10:45,394 --> 00:10:48,939
Ngayon, wala namang problema
sa sans rival. Napakalupit niyang dessert.

179
00:10:49,023 --> 00:10:52,360
Walang problema sa lahat.
Di ba? Napakaganda niya.

180
00:10:52,443 --> 00:10:54,362
Napakasarap niya. Walang problema.

181
00:10:54,445 --> 00:10:58,115
Pero bakit kailangan imbentuhin
ang silvanas? Di ba?

182
00:10:58,616 --> 00:11:00,201
Nangyari kasi 'to sa Dumaguete.

183
00:11:01,118 --> 00:11:01,952
Dumaguete.

184
00:11:02,578 --> 00:11:05,998
Totoo 'to. Sa Dumaguete…
Do'n kasi inimbento 'yong sans rival!

185
00:11:06,082 --> 00:11:08,501
- 'Tang… Ang bobobo n'yo! Di n'yo alam?
- [tawanan]

186
00:11:10,961 --> 00:11:12,338
Hindi n'yo ba alam 'yon?

187
00:11:13,839 --> 00:11:18,344
Totoo nga!
Do'n inimbento 'yong sans rival. Di ba?

188
00:11:18,427 --> 00:11:23,140
So itong girl na 'to,
si Bernadette Silvanas. Di ba?

189
00:11:23,766 --> 00:11:26,644
- Girl naman, girl. Para inclusive.
- [tawanan]

190
00:11:28,020 --> 00:11:30,564
Saka Bernadette. Alam mo
talagang matabang pangalan 'yon.

191
00:11:30,648 --> 00:11:32,441
- Alam mo 'yon? Talagang…
- [tawanan]

192
00:11:34,777 --> 00:11:37,530
- There's some weight in that name.
- [tawanan]

193
00:11:38,322 --> 00:11:42,451
Di ba? Para kung lalaki ka,
tapos pangalan mo Pao Pao…

194
00:11:42,535 --> 00:11:43,369
[tawanan]

195
00:11:44,912 --> 00:11:47,039
…destined kang maging baboy, alam mo 'yon?

196
00:11:48,666 --> 00:11:49,500
"Hoy, Pao Pao!"

197
00:11:49,583 --> 00:11:52,670
Walang nagsabing, "Pao Pao,
galing mo sa track and field, ah!" Wala.

198
00:11:53,504 --> 00:11:56,674
Never. Never in-utter 'yon in history.

199
00:11:56,757 --> 00:11:59,593
It's always, "Pao Pao,
may unli siomai do'n, oh!"

200
00:11:59,677 --> 00:12:00,511
[tawanan]

201
00:12:02,263 --> 00:12:06,100
- Mga gano'n 'yon. "Nasaan?" Hindi.
- [tawanan]

202
00:12:06,726 --> 00:12:09,687
'Yon si Pao Pao. Napansin n'yo ba
lahat ng mga mataba kong characters,

203
00:12:09,770 --> 00:12:10,938
pare-parehas lang sila?

204
00:12:11,647 --> 00:12:13,190
Sorry, di ako magaling na actor.

205
00:12:13,774 --> 00:12:17,862
Hindi, ayun, so si Bernadette Silvanas,
kumakain siya ng sans rival,

206
00:12:17,945 --> 00:12:20,239
nasa fourth slice na siya
ng sans rival niya,

207
00:12:20,322 --> 00:12:22,950
tapos tumawag sa kanya office niya,
"Uy, may emergency meeting tayo.

208
00:12:23,033 --> 00:12:25,453
Bernadette, bilis-bilisan mo na
kasi ang bagal mo maglakad."

209
00:12:25,536 --> 00:12:26,370
[tawanan]

210
00:12:28,122 --> 00:12:30,499
Verbatim 'yon.
History 'to, guys. So kailangan

211
00:12:31,333 --> 00:12:36,714
correct tayo parati, okay?
So sabi niya, "Eh, pero…"

212
00:12:36,797 --> 00:12:37,631
[tawanan]

213
00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:44,764
"Eh, pero hindi ko pa ubos
'yong pang-apat na slice ko ng sans rival.

214
00:12:45,514 --> 00:12:48,142
Pa'no ko kaya kakainin… Wait a minute!"

215
00:12:48,851 --> 00:12:52,313
So binalot niya sa foil
into a disc, tapos 'yon.

216
00:12:52,396 --> 00:12:54,732
Naimbento ang silvanas.

217
00:12:54,815 --> 00:12:58,235
Palakpakan natin
si Bernadette Silvanas ng Dumaguete.

218
00:12:58,319 --> 00:12:59,945
[hiyawan at palakpakan]

219
00:13:00,029 --> 00:13:04,033
Yes, oo. Palakpakan natin
silang lahat. Si Paul Thomas Escalator,

220
00:13:04,700 --> 00:13:08,704
John Bidet, Wesley Wheelchair,

221
00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:11,749
Bernadette Silvanas.
Palakpakan natin sila.

222
00:13:11,832 --> 00:13:14,668
- [palakpakan at hiyawan]
- May naniwala ba?

223
00:13:15,419 --> 00:13:19,632
Kahit isa? Good. Ayaw ko
'yong mga taong nakikinig sa fake news.

224
00:13:19,715 --> 00:13:20,800
Totoo 'yon, though.

225
00:13:21,300 --> 00:13:22,134
[tawanan]

226
00:13:24,178 --> 00:13:25,805
Hay, naku. Hindi naman sa mataba

227
00:13:25,888 --> 00:13:31,310
pero kung napapanood n'yo na
'yong mga previous set ko,

228
00:13:31,894 --> 00:13:35,105
alam n'yo talaga
na parati akong may segment

229
00:13:35,189 --> 00:13:37,191
or may bit ako parati about Jollibee.

230
00:13:37,691 --> 00:13:41,487
Ewan ko kung napapakinggan n'yo 'yon.
Di dahil, alam mo 'yon, mataba ako

231
00:13:41,570 --> 00:13:44,198
or umaasa ako
na bigyan ako ng pera ng Jollibee.

232
00:13:44,281 --> 00:13:47,701
Pero kung puwede. Okay din lang.

233
00:13:48,369 --> 00:13:49,703
Okay din lang, di ba?

234
00:13:49,787 --> 00:13:55,751
I think ang Jollibee ang pinaka-pro-mataba
na fast food sa buong Pilipinas.

235
00:13:55,835 --> 00:14:01,257
Totoo. Kasi sila lang ang nakaimbento

236
00:14:01,340 --> 00:14:06,095
ng Jollibee Four-Piece
Chickenjoy Solo Box.

237
00:14:06,178 --> 00:14:07,012
[hiyawan]

238
00:14:08,138 --> 00:14:12,726
- Four-Piece. What a saktong number!
- [tawanan at hiyaw]

239
00:14:12,810 --> 00:14:15,980
Talagang saktong-sakto.
May target market 'yong ano na 'yon, eh.

240
00:14:17,022 --> 00:14:20,234
Four-Piece Chickenjoy Solo Box. Di ba?

241
00:14:20,317 --> 00:14:24,196
Kasi dati may problema 'yong mga ano nila,
'yong mga numbering nila, di ba?

242
00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:26,323
Two-piece. Bitin, di ba?

243
00:14:26,407 --> 00:14:29,952
Tapos six-piece, putsa, magsasama ka pa
ng kaibigan. Alam mo 'yon?

244
00:14:30,035 --> 00:14:32,705
Tapos awkward pa
kasi dalawa lang 'yong kakainin niya.

245
00:14:32,788 --> 00:14:35,165
- [tawanan]
- [Red] Alam mo 'yon?

246
00:14:36,125 --> 00:14:39,336
Tapos apat 'yong sa 'yo,
tapos hati kayo. Alam mo 'yon?

247
00:14:40,004 --> 00:14:41,797
Di ba, mag-a-awkward-an pa kayo.

248
00:14:41,881 --> 00:14:44,008
- "Bitin ka ba? Sa 'yo na."
- [tawanan]

249
00:14:45,301 --> 00:14:48,971
"Oo, akin na 'to,
akin na 'to? Okay ka na, ah?"

250
00:14:49,763 --> 00:14:53,726
Di ba? Sobrang… May gano'n pang phase,
eh, di ba? Tapos tinatanong ng mga tao,

251
00:14:53,809 --> 00:14:56,437
"Ang arte mo naman, Red.
Ba't tuwang-tuwa ka may four-piece?

252
00:14:56,520 --> 00:14:58,355
Di ka na lang um-order
ng dalawang two-piece?"

253
00:14:58,439 --> 00:15:01,066
- Tingnan mo, payat nagtanong sa akin no'n.
- [tawanan]

254
00:15:02,276 --> 00:15:05,029
Di gets ng mga payat. Mga bobo kayo, eh.

255
00:15:05,112 --> 00:15:06,322
- [tawanan]
- Ha?

256
00:15:06,989 --> 00:15:08,032
Hindi n'yo ba alam?

257
00:15:08,741 --> 00:15:10,117
Hindi n'yo ba alam

258
00:15:10,701 --> 00:15:14,038
na pag um-order ka ng dalawang two-piece,
dalawang meal 'yon, eh.

259
00:15:14,830 --> 00:15:18,417
Dalawang meal 'yon.
May blow 'yon sa self-esteem namin, pare.

260
00:15:18,500 --> 00:15:19,335
[tawanan]

261
00:15:21,503 --> 00:15:23,672
May psychological damage 'yon.

262
00:15:24,298 --> 00:15:26,926
Pag um-order ka sa counter,
"Ano po'ng order n'yo, sir?"

263
00:15:27,009 --> 00:15:29,470
- "Ah… Dalawang two-piece."
- [tawanan]

264
00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:33,682
Tapos ibibigay sa 'yo dalawang box.

265
00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:35,684
- Dalawang set ng utensils.
- [tawanan]

266
00:15:37,561 --> 00:15:39,855
Nakikita mo, eh.
"Pandalawang tao 'to, eh."

267
00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:40,773
[tawanan]

268
00:15:41,732 --> 00:15:44,902
Lalakad ka sa table mo. Iniisip
ng mga tao, "Siguro may kasama siya."

269
00:15:44,985 --> 00:15:45,819
- Wala.
- [tawanan]

270
00:15:46,695 --> 00:15:47,863
[hiyawan at palakpakan]

271
00:15:49,823 --> 00:15:52,326
"Mag-isa lang ako.
Wag n'yo 'kong i-judge!"

272
00:15:53,994 --> 00:15:57,331
Tapos kumakain ka, pagkatapos mo makain
'yong una, di ba, may dalawang…

273
00:15:57,414 --> 00:16:00,501
May fresh na Chickenjoy
do'n sa kabilang box, 'no?

274
00:16:00,584 --> 00:16:02,920
Tapos makikita mo parang,
"Kakainin ko ba 'to?"

275
00:16:03,671 --> 00:16:06,298
Tapos siyempre, mag-gi-give in ka
kasi bitin ka talaga. Di ba?

276
00:16:06,382 --> 00:16:09,051
"Kakainin ko na
'tong isa pang two-piece." Di ba?

277
00:16:09,635 --> 00:16:12,513
Tapos kukunin mo
'yong bagong set of utensils.

278
00:16:13,305 --> 00:16:15,516
- Parang fresh start, alam mo 'yon?
- [tawanan]

279
00:16:17,559 --> 00:16:19,979
- Kinakain mo siya, "Ang taba-taba ko."
- [tawanan]

280
00:16:21,230 --> 00:16:23,023
"Ang taba-taba ko!"

281
00:16:24,900 --> 00:16:30,197
Pero ngayon, mayro'n nang Jollibee
Four-Piece Chickenjoy Solo Box.

282
00:16:30,280 --> 00:16:31,323
[hiyawan]

283
00:16:31,407 --> 00:16:35,744
Mayro'n sa R&D department ng Jollibee

284
00:16:36,328 --> 00:16:38,497
na ginawa nila 'yong research, pare.

285
00:16:38,580 --> 00:16:40,916
"Sir, madaming matabang
nag-o-order ng dalawang Two-Piece!"

286
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:41,834
[tawanan]

287
00:16:43,002 --> 00:16:45,170
"I think we can capitalize on this market.

288
00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:51,218
Gumawa tayo ng Jollibee
Four-Piece Chickenjoy Solo Box!"

289
00:16:51,719 --> 00:16:55,264
And true enough,
ang daming matatabang nag-celebrate.

290
00:16:55,347 --> 00:16:57,641
Saktong amount siya, eh. Alam mo 'yon?

291
00:16:57,725 --> 00:17:00,602
Pagpasok ko sa Jollibee,
minsan may pep in my step na, eh.

292
00:17:00,686 --> 00:17:01,520
[tawanan]

293
00:17:02,730 --> 00:17:06,483
- "Jolly morning!" "Jolly morning, indeed!"
- [tawanan at palakpakan]

294
00:17:07,943 --> 00:17:08,777
Totoo.

295
00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:11,864
"Ano'ng order n'yo, sir?"

296
00:17:11,947 --> 00:17:16,201
"Aba! Eh, di, 'yong Jollibee
Four-Piece Chickenjoy Solo Box!"

297
00:17:17,327 --> 00:17:18,954
[tawanan]

298
00:17:19,038 --> 00:17:24,084
Di ba? 'Yon 'yon, eh.
Ibibigay sa 'yo nasa isang box lang, pare.

299
00:17:24,168 --> 00:17:26,670
Di ba? Tapos isang set lang ng utensils.

300
00:17:26,754 --> 00:17:28,756
- Pang-isang tao lang 'to!
- [tawanan]

301
00:17:29,506 --> 00:17:31,800
'Yon, di ba? Nakakatuwa, eh.

302
00:17:31,884 --> 00:17:34,595
Kaya sinasabi ko,
sana makarating 'to sa Jollibee.

303
00:17:34,678 --> 00:17:39,558
Please, Jollibee. Please, okay?

304
00:17:39,641 --> 00:17:45,022
Malapit na kayo
to a perfect product, okay?

305
00:17:45,522 --> 00:17:46,940
Ito na 'yong problema.

306
00:17:47,024 --> 00:17:51,779
Pag kumain ka ng Four-Piece, di ba, ano
ang kailangan mo order-in, pare? Extra…

307
00:17:52,404 --> 00:17:55,449
Extra rice, pare! Di ba?

308
00:17:55,532 --> 00:18:00,621
- 'Yong term na "extra rice…"
- [tawanan]

309
00:18:00,704 --> 00:18:03,040
…sobrang problematic, pare.

310
00:18:03,832 --> 00:18:08,754
It connotes na
pag um-order ka nito, ng extra rice,

311
00:18:08,837 --> 00:18:12,758
it connotes there is excess of rice,

312
00:18:12,841 --> 00:18:18,847
na sapat na 'yong original na rice,
at kailangan mo pa ng extra.

313
00:18:18,931 --> 00:18:21,433
Di ba? Hindi naman tama,
hindi naman sapat, eh.

314
00:18:21,517 --> 00:18:24,019
Kahit mag-Two-Piece ka,
isang kanin. Ano 'yon?

315
00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:25,437
Di ba? Kalokohan 'yon.

316
00:18:25,521 --> 00:18:27,064
- [tawanan]
- Di ba?

317
00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:33,403
Dapat i-rebrand natin ang extra rice
para maging mas appropriate.

318
00:18:33,487 --> 00:18:36,406
Ang tawag ko sa kanya ngayon
ay "appropriate rice".

319
00:18:36,490 --> 00:18:37,491
[tawanan at hiyawan]

320
00:18:39,618 --> 00:18:43,372
Di ba, kasi pag um-order ka ng extra rice,
parang, "Sobra 'yong kinain ko."

321
00:18:43,455 --> 00:18:46,500
Tapos minsan o-order ka pa
ng pangalawang extra rice,

322
00:18:46,583 --> 00:18:48,210
pangatlong extra rice…

323
00:18:48,293 --> 00:18:51,171
Dere-deretso na 'yon sa utak ko.
"Dami kong kinain!"

324
00:18:51,255 --> 00:18:55,217
Pero kung "appropriate rice" siya,
tapos irere-assure ka pa ng kahera…

325
00:18:55,300 --> 00:18:57,177
Ito, baka lang puwede n'yong i-train.

326
00:18:57,719 --> 00:18:58,554
[tawanan]

327
00:18:59,179 --> 00:19:01,431
Di ba? Baka puwede n'yong sabihin,

328
00:19:01,515 --> 00:19:05,435
"Sir, appropriate rice, sir?
Di bale, sir. Sakto lang 'yan."

329
00:19:05,519 --> 00:19:07,187
[tawanan at palakpakan]

330
00:19:08,230 --> 00:19:10,941
Di ba? Kapag um-order ka pa ng isa,

331
00:19:11,024 --> 00:19:14,069
"Di bale, sir. We are all
beautiful in our own right."

332
00:19:14,153 --> 00:19:15,154
[tawanan]

333
00:19:16,363 --> 00:19:17,197
Di ba?

334
00:19:17,781 --> 00:19:20,284
Tapos pag um-order ka pa,
"Di bale, sir. Bakasyon naman ngayon."

335
00:19:20,367 --> 00:19:21,201
[tawanan]

336
00:19:22,703 --> 00:19:23,537
Di ba?

337
00:19:24,079 --> 00:19:25,372
Di ba, ang dali lang no'n, guys?

338
00:19:25,455 --> 00:19:27,791
Alam mo, Jollibee?
Ito, kompleto 'yong pitch ko nito.

339
00:19:27,875 --> 00:19:30,711
Hindi mo nga kailangang bumili
ng bagong wrapper for it.

340
00:19:30,794 --> 00:19:32,671
Kunin mo lang 'yong wrapper ng Champ.

341
00:19:32,754 --> 00:19:35,007
- Magtakal ka ng apat na kanin do'n.
- [tawanan]

342
00:19:36,758 --> 00:19:40,512
Di ba? 'Yon na 'yon, pare.
Jollibee, you're welcome, pare.

343
00:19:40,596 --> 00:19:42,723
Di mo ako kailangan bayaran for that.

344
00:19:42,806 --> 00:19:46,435
Para lang 'yon sa mga matataba,
and I'm glad to help. Yes, thank you.

345
00:19:46,518 --> 00:19:47,686
[hiyawan at palakpakan]

346
00:19:52,107 --> 00:19:55,569
Okay lang bang uminom ako,
or parang… Mas iisipin n'yo ba parang,

347
00:19:55,652 --> 00:19:58,405
"Grabe nagbayad kami
tapos iinom lang sa harapan namin."

348
00:20:01,074 --> 00:20:02,242
[hiyawan at palakpakan]

349
00:20:06,455 --> 00:20:07,289
Oh, my god.

350
00:20:08,123 --> 00:20:10,375
Okay ka lang, ma'am?
Uminom lang ako ng tubig.

351
00:20:11,460 --> 00:20:13,629
- Namamatay na siya, eh.
- [tawanan]

352
00:20:14,713 --> 00:20:18,175
Mahirap. Ewan ko kung alam n'yo.
Mahirap maging local artist.

353
00:20:18,258 --> 00:20:21,053
Mahirap kasi, lalo na ngayon,
bukas ang mundo,

354
00:20:21,136 --> 00:20:22,721
nakikipag-compete ka rin sa foreign acts.

355
00:20:22,804 --> 00:20:24,890
'Yong mga foreign acts,
pag dumarating dito, putsa,

356
00:20:24,973 --> 00:20:28,227
pagsampa lang ng stage,
magsabi ng, "Mabuhay!"

357
00:20:28,310 --> 00:20:30,020
- Ahh!
- [tawanan]

358
00:20:30,103 --> 00:20:34,149
"Yes!" "Mahal ko kayo!" "Yes!"

359
00:20:34,691 --> 00:20:37,402
"Yes!"
"Foreigner nagta-Tagalog!" [humiyaw]

360
00:20:37,486 --> 00:20:39,947
- "Eto pera ko!"
- [tawanan]

361
00:20:40,822 --> 00:20:42,741
Ako, ang tagal-tagal ko
nang nagta-Tagalog, eh.

362
00:20:42,824 --> 00:20:43,659
[tawanan]

363
00:20:44,451 --> 00:20:47,704
- Pag nagsabi ba 'ko ng "mabuhay…"
- [hiyawan]

364
00:20:47,788 --> 00:20:50,916
- We, wala… O! Talaga?
- [hiyawan at palakpakan]

365
00:20:51,792 --> 00:20:54,253
Wag n'yo 'kong niloloko.
Ang baba ng ticket price ko, ah.

366
00:20:54,336 --> 00:20:55,170
[tawanan]

367
00:20:57,256 --> 00:20:59,925
Pag tinaas ko 'yong ticket price ko
ng 10,000, "Foreigner ba 'to?"

368
00:21:00,008 --> 00:21:00,842
[tawanan]

369
00:21:01,593 --> 00:21:02,719
Parating gano'n.

370
00:21:03,387 --> 00:21:05,055
Di ba? Pero 'yon 'yong bullshit.

371
00:21:05,639 --> 00:21:07,641
Tuwang-tuwa tayo
sa mga nagsasabi ng "mabuhay"

372
00:21:07,724 --> 00:21:09,851
dahil ba ginago natin sila?

373
00:21:11,687 --> 00:21:13,605
Kasi di naman totoo 'yong "mabuhay," eh.

374
00:21:13,689 --> 00:21:15,774
Di naman 'yon ang greeting natin, di ba?

375
00:21:15,857 --> 00:21:18,944
Alam mo talaga 'yong foreigner na 'yon,
kung nagsabi siya ng "mabuhay" onstage,

376
00:21:19,027 --> 00:21:23,031
malamang may tinanong lang siya
na Pinoy na crew or producer na,

377
00:21:23,115 --> 00:21:25,492
"What's your greeting here
in the Philippines?"

378
00:21:25,575 --> 00:21:26,618
"It's 'Mabuhay.'"

379
00:21:27,494 --> 00:21:28,912
Di ba? Tapos pag…

380
00:21:28,996 --> 00:21:31,832
- Pagsampa niya, "Mabuhay!" [humiyaw]
- [tawanan]

381
00:21:31,915 --> 00:21:33,709
Pero di naman siya totoo, eh.

382
00:21:34,209 --> 00:21:36,795
Di ba? May nagge-greet ba
ng "mabuhay" dito?

383
00:21:36,878 --> 00:21:37,963
[tawanan]

384
00:21:38,046 --> 00:21:41,591
Pag may isang tao, kahit isang tao
na nag-greet ng "mabuhay"

385
00:21:41,675 --> 00:21:45,304
sa kahit ano'ng point ng buhay nila,
aalis na ako, magre-retire na 'ko ngayon.

386
00:21:45,387 --> 00:21:48,724
Mayro'n ba? Wala. Ni isang tao.

387
00:21:48,807 --> 00:21:51,393
- Mayro'n bang taong, "Bro, mabuhay, bro"?
- [tawanan]

388
00:21:52,269 --> 00:21:56,523
"Mabuhay, bro. Yeah, man."
"Saan ka? Poblacion?" "Yeah, dude."

389
00:21:56,606 --> 00:21:58,817
"Aalis ka na? Sige.
Mabuhay, bro. Mabuhay."

390
00:21:59,818 --> 00:22:02,654
"Mabuhay. Ey, bro, mabuhay."

391
00:22:02,738 --> 00:22:06,950
Di ba? Never. Never siya nangyari.
And yet, ginagago natin sila lahat.

392
00:22:07,034 --> 00:22:09,161
Ano 'yon? Parang nahihiya ba tayo

393
00:22:09,244 --> 00:22:11,580
na sabihin
'yong mga totoong customs natin?

394
00:22:11,663 --> 00:22:14,791
Di ba? Nahihiya ba tayo na,
"Ano ba'ng totoong greeting n'yo?"

395
00:22:14,875 --> 00:22:16,752
- "Ano, 'Psst!'" Di ba?
- [tawanan]

396
00:22:17,586 --> 00:22:19,296
- "Oy!" Di ba?
- [tawanan]

397
00:22:20,589 --> 00:22:24,801
"'Musta? 'Musta ka? Kumusta ka?"
"Okay ka naman?" Di ba?

398
00:22:24,885 --> 00:22:28,847
Actually, feeling ko dapat nga ituro natin
'yong ibang Filipino customs

399
00:22:28,930 --> 00:22:30,140
na mas maganda.

400
00:22:30,223 --> 00:22:33,060
Di ba? Ako, tuwang-tuwa ako
sa Filipino custom na 'to.

401
00:22:33,143 --> 00:22:34,478
‘Yong niyaya akong kumain.

402
00:22:35,020 --> 00:22:36,980
Di ba? Parang feeling ko
greeting na rin 'yon.

403
00:22:37,064 --> 00:22:40,942
Pag pumupunta sa bahay during mealtime.
Di ba? "Uy, pare. Kain!" Di ba?

404
00:22:41,943 --> 00:22:42,903
Tapos mayro'n ding…

405
00:22:42,986 --> 00:22:45,906
'Yong maganda do'n,
kasi para siyang big part ng role-play.

406
00:22:46,573 --> 00:22:47,407
[tawanan]

407
00:22:48,700 --> 00:22:53,914
Di ba? 'Yon lang ang greeting
na may customary response.

408
00:22:54,790 --> 00:22:55,957
Pag sinabi, "Kain!"

409
00:22:56,041 --> 00:22:57,918
- "Hindi. Busog pa 'ko, eh."
- [tawanan]

410
00:23:00,253 --> 00:23:02,714
- Hindi mo siya puwedeng tanggapin!
- [tawanan]

411
00:23:04,257 --> 00:23:07,386
And hindi ko alam 'yon
until mga 26 ako, by the way.

412
00:23:08,804 --> 00:23:10,806
Akala ko may option ako to say yes.

413
00:23:11,848 --> 00:23:12,849
All the time.

414
00:23:14,059 --> 00:23:16,686
Akala ko, "Pare, kain!" "Talaga?
Sa'n? Ano'ng ulam natin? Isa…"

415
00:23:16,770 --> 00:23:17,604
[tawanan]

416
00:23:18,105 --> 00:23:21,149
"Isang cheese dog na lang 'to.
Hatiin natin sa tatlo, okay?"

417
00:23:22,150 --> 00:23:25,904
Di ba? Ang lupit ng Pilipino,
kahit ga'no kakaunti 'yong ulam do'n,

418
00:23:25,987 --> 00:23:29,074
"Pare, kain!" Kahit pinagsipsipan na
ng buto 'yong nando'n sa…

419
00:23:29,866 --> 00:23:31,660
"Kain, pare!" "Hindi, okay lang.

420
00:23:31,743 --> 00:23:34,579
Ayaw ko nang kainin 'yong carrot
ng chicken curry mo, eh.

421
00:23:37,749 --> 00:23:39,584
Iisa na lang siya, eh. Nakakaawa."

422
00:23:41,169 --> 00:23:43,672
'Yon 'yong mga kinakain mo
pag may sobra ka pang kanin, di ba?

423
00:23:43,755 --> 00:23:46,049
"Okay, mag-uulam akong carrot." Di ba?

424
00:23:46,925 --> 00:23:51,138
Mga gano'n. May customary response siya.
Di ba? Ang ganda, eh. Di ba?

425
00:23:51,221 --> 00:23:54,099
"Pare, kain!" "Busog na 'ko."
"Hindi, kumain na 'ko."

426
00:23:54,182 --> 00:23:57,811
Ang daming excuse, di ba?
Para hindi maging…

427
00:23:57,894 --> 00:24:01,523
Sinasabi mo, "Pare, kain!"
Para hindi siya maging uncomfortable.

428
00:24:01,606 --> 00:24:03,859
"Welcome ka sa bahay ko,
puwede kang kumain kung trip mo."

429
00:24:03,942 --> 00:24:08,238
Tapos sasabihin ng guy, "Hindi.
Di mo kailangan mag-abala." Di ba?

430
00:24:08,321 --> 00:24:11,783
Tapos pag nag-insist pa siya,
minsan may tug-of-war pa 'yan, eh.

431
00:24:11,867 --> 00:24:14,453
"Hindi. Pare, kain."
"Mayro'n pa. Papakuha 'ko."

432
00:24:14,536 --> 00:24:17,122
"Di, kumain na…" Gagawa siya
ng excuse na kumain na siya.

433
00:24:17,205 --> 00:24:18,623
"Hindi, kumain ako sa daan."

434
00:24:19,249 --> 00:24:21,418
Ano'ng ibig sabihin
ng kumain sa daan, pare?

435
00:24:22,252 --> 00:24:24,629
- Naka-motor ka papunta dito, eh.
- [tawanan]

436
00:24:25,380 --> 00:24:26,381
Kumain ka sa daan?

437
00:24:26,965 --> 00:24:27,799
[tawanan]

438
00:24:30,135 --> 00:24:31,386
Ano 'yon?

439
00:24:32,053 --> 00:24:33,054
Di ba?

440
00:24:33,138 --> 00:24:36,892
Hay, naku. 'Yon talaga, dapat 'yon
'yong turo natin sa foreigner, di ba?

441
00:24:36,975 --> 00:24:39,186
Pasok kayo sa concert dito, "Kain!"

442
00:24:39,978 --> 00:24:42,814
- "Busog na kami!"
- [tawanan]

443
00:24:43,815 --> 00:24:46,776
Isa pang Filipino custom
na gustong-gusto ko. "Ingat."

444
00:24:47,486 --> 00:24:51,281
Di ba? Mamaya pag naghiwa-hiwalay kayo
ng mga friends n'yo, "Ingat!"

445
00:24:51,364 --> 00:24:53,283
For sure, may "ingat" 'yan. Di ba?

446
00:24:53,366 --> 00:24:56,453
Dinidiin talaga natin 'yan
sa mga tao, 'no? "Ingat. Ingat ka."

447
00:24:57,454 --> 00:24:59,456
"Mag-ingat ka." Talagang,
ano 'yon, automatic 'yon.

448
00:24:59,539 --> 00:25:03,210
Minsan nga, ikaw 'yong maghahatid sa tao.
Hinatid mo siya do'n sa bahay niya, 'no?

449
00:25:03,293 --> 00:25:05,754
- Palabas siya ng kotse mo, "Ingat! Ay!"
- [tawanan]

450
00:25:07,464 --> 00:25:10,467
- "Diyan ka na pala!" "Oo. Dito na 'ko."
- [tawanan]

451
00:25:10,550 --> 00:25:13,887
"Talaga?" "Oo, nakakatawa,
dito na 'ko, 'yon lang gate ko, eh.

452
00:25:13,970 --> 00:25:15,597
Tapos sabi mo sa 'kin, 'Ingat…' Hmm"

453
00:25:15,680 --> 00:25:17,682
- [tawanan]
- Nag-kiss sila. Gano'n.

454
00:25:18,725 --> 00:25:22,103
Naisip ko lang na parang 'yon
'yong time na nag-make out sila.

455
00:25:22,187 --> 00:25:26,066
- [tawanan]
- Sorry. Di siya included sa joke talaga.

456
00:25:26,149 --> 00:25:27,609
[tawanan]

457
00:25:27,692 --> 00:25:30,612
"Ingat." Di ba? Bakit natin dinidiin 'yon?

458
00:25:30,695 --> 00:25:35,200
"Ingat." Kasi alam natin
sa Pilipinas tayo nakatira.

459
00:25:35,283 --> 00:25:36,117
[tawanan]

460
00:25:37,327 --> 00:25:43,792
Alam natin na kahit ano'ng mangyari,
may puwedeng mangyari sa 'yo.

461
00:25:43,875 --> 00:25:46,419
Kahit saan pumunta,
kahit maglakad lang papuntang parking lot,

462
00:25:46,503 --> 00:25:48,380
ang daming puwede mong… Kaya "Ingat."

463
00:25:49,297 --> 00:25:51,967
Sabi nila, "Ano 'yan, pag
trinanslate mo sa English, 'take care'?"

464
00:25:52,050 --> 00:25:54,844
Hindi. Hindi 'yan "take care".
Putsa, mas madiin, eh.

465
00:25:55,428 --> 00:25:59,266
- Di ba? "Ingat." "Be fucking careful."
- [tawanan]

466
00:25:59,349 --> 00:26:02,394
- Nasa Pilipinas ka. Danger lurks.
- [tawanan]

467
00:26:03,311 --> 00:26:06,398
'Yon! 'Yon ang ibig sabihin no'n.
Kasi alam natin paglabas na paglabas mo,

468
00:26:06,481 --> 00:26:07,732
kung saan ka man galing, di ba?

469
00:26:07,816 --> 00:26:10,110
Papunta ka sa kotse mo
o kung sa'n ka man sasakay.

470
00:26:10,193 --> 00:26:12,279
Di ba? Puwede kang… Wala tayong sidewalk.

471
00:26:13,113 --> 00:26:14,573
Do'n pa lang. Kung may sidewalk man,

472
00:26:14,656 --> 00:26:16,866
maglalakad ka sa sidewalk,
biglang may poste.

473
00:26:18,201 --> 00:26:19,869
Tapos biglang gagano'n ka.

474
00:26:21,162 --> 00:26:25,709
Tapos magsa-side step ka,
tapos nandito 'yong poste sa mukha mo.

475
00:26:25,792 --> 00:26:28,795
Tapos mamaya, tinatamaan mo na,
may basa ka na na tinatamaan.

476
00:26:29,296 --> 00:26:31,673
- "Shit, ihi 'to! Ihi!"
- [tawanan]

477
00:26:32,882 --> 00:26:35,510
Di ba? Alam natin 'yan lahat.
Na-experience natin 'yan.

478
00:26:35,594 --> 00:26:39,681
Naglalakad tayo, mayro'ng butas sa kalye.

479
00:26:39,764 --> 00:26:42,350
Pag-shoot ng paa mo,
hanggang kalahating tuhod pala.

480
00:26:43,101 --> 00:26:46,521
Magkaka-leptospirosis ka
na lang bigla. Di ba?

481
00:26:46,605 --> 00:26:50,025
Ang daming puwedeng… Naglalakad ka,
may makikita kang taong grasa.

482
00:26:50,108 --> 00:26:52,277
Tapos kakausapin ka ng taong grasa.

483
00:26:52,360 --> 00:26:56,781
Naglalakad ka, may taong grasa…
[walang mga salitang ungol at sigaw]

484
00:26:57,282 --> 00:26:59,951
[walang mga salitang ungol at sigaw]

485
00:27:02,078 --> 00:27:03,747
Tapos di ka puwedeng… [tumatawa]

486
00:27:03,830 --> 00:27:06,708
Tapos di ka puwedeng makipagsuntukan
sa taong grasa, pare.

487
00:27:07,917 --> 00:27:11,713
- Pag sinapak mo 'yon, may poison damage.
- [tawanan at palakpakan]

488
00:27:13,298 --> 00:27:15,300
- Hindi talaga.
- [hiyawan at palakpakan]

489
00:27:15,383 --> 00:27:18,053
- Pag ginano'n mo 'yon, "Ah! Bakit…?"
- [tawanan]

490
00:27:18,136 --> 00:27:20,889
- "Ba't ako 'yong sinasaktan over time?"
- [tawanan]

491
00:27:22,057 --> 00:27:25,560
Di ba? Di puwede, pare.
Di puwede. Ang dami…

492
00:27:25,644 --> 00:27:28,855
Ang daming puwedeng mangyari sa 'yo.
Puwede ka ma-snatch-an. Di ba?

493
00:27:28,938 --> 00:27:30,940
Puwede ka ma-side swipe ng tricycle.

494
00:27:32,108 --> 00:27:34,903
- Puwede kang makaapak ng tae.
- [tawanan]

495
00:27:34,986 --> 00:27:36,488
Pinaka-bad trip sa lahat, 'no?

496
00:27:37,155 --> 00:27:38,406
Makaapak ka ng tae.

497
00:27:39,366 --> 00:27:41,618
Pinaka-hassle. Auto-uwi 'yon, eh, 'no?

498
00:27:41,701 --> 00:27:44,245
- [tawanan]
- [Red] Kunwa… [tumawa]

499
00:27:44,329 --> 00:27:46,456
- [palakpakan]
- [tumatawa si Red]

500
00:27:47,332 --> 00:27:48,166
Auto-uwi, eh.

501
00:27:49,417 --> 00:27:51,294
Kahit papunta ka pa lang sa lakad mo…

502
00:27:51,378 --> 00:27:52,504
- Okay.
- [tawanan]

503
00:27:55,465 --> 00:27:59,469
Mabuti… Mabuti kung ano…
Mabuti kung may option ka umuwi.

504
00:27:59,552 --> 00:28:02,889
Minsan, papasok ka ng work,
di ba? Pumorma ka pa.

505
00:28:02,972 --> 00:28:07,811
Nagpabango ka pa. Bago sapatos mo.
Pinopormahan mo 'yong crush mo sa office.

506
00:28:07,894 --> 00:28:11,940
Nag-taxi ka pa para hindi ka pawisan.
Tapos pagbaba mo, putsa, may tae.

507
00:28:12,023 --> 00:28:15,235
- [tawanan]
- Tapos tinapakan mo nang solid. Di ba?

508
00:28:15,318 --> 00:28:17,487
Tapos di ka puwedeng umuwi,
kasi papasok ka sa trabaho.

509
00:28:17,570 --> 00:28:19,989
Ano'ng gagawin mo? Putsa.
Magkakatok ka ngayon ng mga bahay.

510
00:28:20,073 --> 00:28:22,033
Di ba, nakaganyan ka. "Tao po?"

511
00:28:22,117 --> 00:28:24,369
[mga katok]
Nakataas 'yong paa mo. Naka-heel…

512
00:28:24,452 --> 00:28:25,620
[tawanan]

513
00:28:25,704 --> 00:28:29,416
Nakikita n'yo ba?
Naka-heel up ka, eh. "Tao po!"

514
00:28:30,583 --> 00:28:32,669
- "Nakaapak akong tae!"
- [tawanan]

515
00:28:34,963 --> 00:28:38,341
Di ba? Tapos lalabas 'yong ale.
"Ano'ng nangyari sa 'yo?"

516
00:28:38,425 --> 00:28:40,719
- [tawanan]
- "Ano'ng nangyari sa 'yo?"

517
00:28:40,802 --> 00:28:42,095
[tawanan]

518
00:28:42,178 --> 00:28:43,972
"Nakaapak akong tae do'n." Di ba?

519
00:28:44,055 --> 00:28:46,725
- Tapos aabutan ka ng hose.
- [tawanan]

520
00:28:46,808 --> 00:28:49,519
Tapos 'yong hose,
napakababa ng water pressure.

521
00:28:49,602 --> 00:28:51,187
[tawanan at palakpakan]

522
00:28:52,147 --> 00:28:56,943
Parang binubuhusan mo lang
ng tubig sa baso 'yong sapatos mo.

523
00:28:57,777 --> 00:28:59,237
Tapos nakikipag-small talk na sa 'yo.

524
00:28:59,320 --> 00:29:01,823
"Sa'n ka ba nakaapak ng tae?
'Yan sinasabi ko, eh.

525
00:29:02,407 --> 00:29:04,909
Sinabi ko, eh. Pulutin na
'yong mga tae diyan, eh.

526
00:29:04,993 --> 00:29:07,912
- Wala namang may-ari ng aso."
- [tawanan at palakpakan]

527
00:29:08,997 --> 00:29:10,123
"Walang may-ari no'n.

528
00:29:10,665 --> 00:29:13,168
Sino magpupulot no'n? Walang may-ari!"

529
00:29:14,127 --> 00:29:16,421
Tapos ikaw habang nagsasalita siya,

530
00:29:16,504 --> 00:29:18,757
nilalagay mo 'yong thumb mo
do'n sa hose para…

531
00:29:20,800 --> 00:29:22,385
para lumakas 'yong pressure.

532
00:29:23,219 --> 00:29:26,556
"Nakakahiya naman. Wala bang
mas mataas na water pressure na hose?

533
00:29:27,307 --> 00:29:29,809
- May power washer ka ba dito, ma'am?"
- [tawanan]

534
00:29:30,727 --> 00:29:32,520
- "Ang tigas ng tae, eh!"
- [tawanan]

535
00:29:32,604 --> 00:29:35,190
"Nanigas na no'ng papunta 'ko,
naglalakad ako dito.

536
00:29:35,690 --> 00:29:37,192
Na-expose siya sa hangin.

537
00:29:37,692 --> 00:29:40,445
So nanigas siya sa crevices ng soles ko."

538
00:29:41,529 --> 00:29:44,365
Di ba? Tapos biglang kakausapin ka,
"Sa'n ka ba nagtatrabaho?"

539
00:29:44,449 --> 00:29:46,951
"Diyan po." "Nag-apply
'yong apo ko do'n. Di tinanggap."

540
00:29:47,035 --> 00:29:48,870
So 'yong problema niya,
problema mo na rin.

541
00:29:48,953 --> 00:29:50,663
[tawanan at palakpakan]

542
00:29:52,999 --> 00:29:55,418
Nakaapak ka na ng putang inang tae!

543
00:29:56,503 --> 00:30:00,173
Sobrang bad trip! Di ba?
Pero akala ko dati,

544
00:30:00,256 --> 00:30:03,092
'yon na 'yong pinaka-bad trip
na mangyari sa 'yo, makaapak ka ng tae.

545
00:30:03,176 --> 00:30:07,806
Until nangyari sa akin 'to, guys.
Naka-scoop ako ng tae.

546
00:30:07,889 --> 00:30:10,934
Okay, 'yong iba nage-gets.
'Yong iba, parang, "Ano 'yon?"

547
00:30:11,017 --> 00:30:15,396
Explain ko sa inyo, okay?
Naka-scoop ng tae. Naka-scoop.

548
00:30:16,189 --> 00:30:19,734
S-C-O-O-P. Naka-scoop, okay.

549
00:30:19,818 --> 00:30:23,196
Pa'no… Okay, so normally,
pag nakaapak ka ng tae,

550
00:30:23,279 --> 00:30:25,323
kunwari 'yong microphone 'yong tae.

551
00:30:25,406 --> 00:30:26,950
- Okay.
- [tawanan]

552
00:30:27,033 --> 00:30:28,535
- Ang baho.
- [tawanan]

553
00:30:29,118 --> 00:30:32,330
Ito 'yong paa mo, di ba? Jump. Ah!

554
00:30:32,413 --> 00:30:36,125
"Hassle! Nakaapak…
Nakaapak ako ng tae. Hassle." Di ba?

555
00:30:36,209 --> 00:30:42,841
'Yon 'yong nangyari do'n, okay?
Ngayon, papa'no kung naka-scoop ka ng tae?

556
00:30:43,341 --> 00:30:46,469
Ganito 'yong nangyari.
Ito 'yong paa mo. Jump.

557
00:30:46,553 --> 00:30:48,847
- Ju…
- [tawanan]

558
00:30:49,973 --> 00:30:51,307
Andito lang siya.

559
00:30:52,892 --> 00:30:56,729
Andito lang siya.
Talagang ultimate kamalasan 'to, guys.

560
00:30:56,813 --> 00:31:00,900
Ito 'yong tae, ito 'yong sapatos mo.
Ito 'yong paa mo, di ba? Grabe.

561
00:31:00,984 --> 00:31:04,487
- Talagang, ito… Nag-align 'yong planeta…
- [tawanan]

562
00:31:04,571 --> 00:31:05,405
…para mangyari 'to.

563
00:31:05,488 --> 00:31:08,116
- Mercury is in retrograde.
- [tawanan]

564
00:31:08,199 --> 00:31:12,161
Gusto ko lang ipaalala, taga-South ako.
So parati akong naka-slides, bro.

565
00:31:13,204 --> 00:31:15,707
Minsan, no'ng nangyari 'to
sa akin, naka-slides lang ako.

566
00:31:15,790 --> 00:31:18,585
Naglalakad lang ako
sa subdivision, sa village namin.

567
00:31:18,668 --> 00:31:21,170
Di ba? Tapos naglalakad ako,
tapos biglang, bam. Dito lang.

568
00:31:21,254 --> 00:31:24,007
Naglakad ka. Bam.
Ta's 'yong sunod na mangyayari…

569
00:31:24,090 --> 00:31:29,345
Upward motion. Scooping the tae.

570
00:31:30,555 --> 00:31:33,141
Sinasabi ko sa inyo,
'yong feeling, kakaiba, pare.

571
00:31:33,224 --> 00:31:34,183
[tawanan]

572
00:31:34,267 --> 00:31:36,853
Hindi mo maisip
kung ano nangyari sa 'yo, eh.

573
00:31:37,478 --> 00:31:39,772
Pa'no, naglalakad ka na lang bigla, di ba?

574
00:31:39,856 --> 00:31:43,109
"Komportable ng slides na 'to, ah?"
Di ba? Tapos bigla na lang,

575
00:31:43,192 --> 00:31:45,862
"Uy! Ba’t parang naging
mas lalong komportable siya?"

576
00:31:45,945 --> 00:31:46,779
[tawanan]

577
00:31:48,031 --> 00:31:51,034
- Tapos mamaya-maya, "Ba't ang baho?"
- [tawanan]

578
00:31:51,117 --> 00:31:54,746
"Ano'ng nangyari?" Tapos pagtingin mo,
grabe, mayro'n nang mga in-between

579
00:31:54,829 --> 00:31:56,456
na brown-yellow na…

580
00:31:57,707 --> 00:31:59,000
Tapos di mo maisip kung ano'ng…

581
00:31:59,083 --> 00:32:01,753
"Pare, ba't may tae ako
sa loob ng tsinelas ko?

582
00:32:01,836 --> 00:32:02,962
Pa'no nangyari 'to?"

583
00:32:03,880 --> 00:32:05,256
Di ba? Tapos pagtingin mo sa likod,

584
00:32:05,340 --> 00:32:07,508
siyempre in-investigate mo
kung ano 'yong naapakan mo.

585
00:32:07,592 --> 00:32:09,802
Pagkakita mo no'ng tae
sa likod, naka-brush up na siya.

586
00:32:09,886 --> 00:32:10,720
[tawanan]

587
00:32:13,181 --> 00:32:15,099
- Nakagano'n na 'yong tae.
- [tawanan]

588
00:32:18,853 --> 00:32:20,396
Naka-brush up na siya, pare.

589
00:32:21,606 --> 00:32:26,361
Wala ka nang magagawa.
So nakaano ka, naka-scoop ka ng tae!

590
00:32:26,444 --> 00:32:29,322
Tapos no'ng nakita mo,
mayro'n nang parang yellow ganache.

591
00:32:29,405 --> 00:32:30,490
[tawanan]

592
00:32:30,573 --> 00:32:34,661
'Yon talaga, pag naghanap ka
ng hose do'n, talagang pag nagkatok ka.

593
00:32:34,744 --> 00:32:36,621
- "Tao po?"
- [tawanan]

594
00:32:37,580 --> 00:32:40,500
"Naka… Hindi, naka-scoop ako ng tae!"

595
00:32:42,543 --> 00:32:43,920
Kulang ang hose do'n, pare.

596
00:32:44,587 --> 00:32:47,131
- "Kailangan mo ng balde."
- [tawanan]

597
00:32:48,007 --> 00:32:48,883
"Ipasok mo…"

598
00:32:50,802 --> 00:32:52,136
"Ha?"

599
00:32:52,637 --> 00:32:55,223
- Gusto n'yo ba 'yong aking urban lola…
- [palakpakan]

600
00:32:56,599 --> 00:32:58,768
- …urban lola voice?
- [palakpakan at hiyawan]

601
00:33:00,144 --> 00:33:03,564
"Hay, naku! Kabataan ngayon
puro na lang TikTok!

602
00:33:04,774 --> 00:33:08,069
Puro na lang Tiktok!
Hindi na marunong magtrabaho.

603
00:33:09,112 --> 00:33:10,113
Di na nagpapatuli."

604
00:33:10,196 --> 00:33:11,823
- Hindi, walang gano'n.
- [tawanan]

605
00:33:13,700 --> 00:33:14,951
[hiyawan at palakpakan]

606
00:33:15,034 --> 00:33:17,912
Alam mo, di ko siya sinasabi,
pero ang response ng mga tao

607
00:33:17,996 --> 00:33:21,082
pag umiinom akong tubig,
pumapalakpak sila. Di ko alam kung bakit.

608
00:33:22,500 --> 00:33:23,334
[tawanan]

609
00:33:24,794 --> 00:33:27,755
[hiyawan at palakpakan]

610
00:33:30,842 --> 00:33:32,969
Mas malakas pa 'yon sa iba kong jokes, ah!

611
00:33:33,594 --> 00:33:35,555
Iinom na lang akong tubig buong set ko.

612
00:33:36,973 --> 00:33:37,807
[tumatawa]

613
00:33:38,975 --> 00:33:40,393
Ah, my god.

614
00:33:40,476 --> 00:33:44,355
Ah… Kaka-one year anniversary
lang namin ng girlfriend ko.

615
00:33:44,439 --> 00:33:45,606
[hiyawan at palakpakan]

616
00:33:47,191 --> 00:33:49,736
Yes. Oo. Yup.

617
00:33:50,278 --> 00:33:54,741
Nakakatuwa kasi before that,
parang I think apat na taon akong single.

618
00:33:54,824 --> 00:33:58,411
Ang hirap no'n, pare. Ang hirap, 'no?
Sino single dito? Palakpakan.

619
00:33:58,494 --> 00:34:00,121
- Wag kayong mag-alala.
- [hiyawan]

620
00:34:00,204 --> 00:34:03,833
Ayan, oh. May nagtaas
ng kamay. Dalawa. Okay.

621
00:34:04,459 --> 00:34:07,795
Mayro'n bang single? Walang single dito?
Sige. O, lahat kayo. Oo.

622
00:34:07,879 --> 00:34:09,922
- [tawanan]
- Maganda buhay n'yo, gano'n?

623
00:34:10,673 --> 00:34:12,425
Pinaka-bad trip pag single ka, 'no,

624
00:34:13,176 --> 00:34:16,471
is 'yong parang tinatrato ka
ng mga tao na kailangan kang ayusin.

625
00:34:17,180 --> 00:34:18,014
Di ba?

626
00:34:18,556 --> 00:34:20,641
Parang, "Ba't ka single?

627
00:34:21,309 --> 00:34:22,560
Okay ka naman.

628
00:34:23,770 --> 00:34:24,687
Okay ka naman, ah."

629
00:34:24,771 --> 00:34:27,482
Di ba? Parang putsa. Ano ba?
Okay lang naman maging single.

630
00:34:27,565 --> 00:34:30,902
Di ba? Tapos irereto ka.
Pinaka-bad trip sa lahat, irereto ka.

631
00:34:30,985 --> 00:34:34,906
Akala nila alam nila
kung sino 'yong para sa 'yo.

632
00:34:34,989 --> 00:34:37,450
'Tang ina, 'yon
ang arrogance ng reto, pare.

633
00:34:37,533 --> 00:34:40,870
Di ba? "Itong pinsan ko,
single 'yong pinsan ko."

634
00:34:40,953 --> 00:34:43,372
- "Ikaw! Pakasalan mo 'yong pinsan mo."
- [tawanan]

635
00:34:44,874 --> 00:34:47,043
Prove it! Prove it, di ba?

636
00:34:47,126 --> 00:34:49,629
Prove it na okay siya,
tapos after, ako, game ako after.

637
00:34:50,129 --> 00:34:52,840
- Kayo muna. Maghalikan muna kayong dalawa.
- [tawanan]

638
00:34:53,341 --> 00:34:55,676
"Pinsan ko 'yon."
"Tingnan mo, puro ka excuses, pare.

639
00:34:56,177 --> 00:34:57,804
Kung totoong love 'yan, wala 'yan, di ba?

640
00:34:57,887 --> 00:35:00,098
Akala ko ba okay?
Akala ko ba okay pinsan mo?

641
00:35:00,181 --> 00:35:02,725
Ba't ayaw mo?" Di ba?

642
00:35:02,809 --> 00:35:05,228
[tumatawa] Pinakaayaw ko, reto.

643
00:35:05,311 --> 00:35:07,480
Tatanong sa 'yo
kung ano'ng type mo. "Ano ba'ng type mo?"

644
00:35:07,980 --> 00:35:12,276
Di ba? "Ano ba'ng type mo?
Tsinita? Mestiza? Morena?"

645
00:35:12,360 --> 00:35:16,155
Di ba? Tapos ika-categorize
ang mga babae into groups, pare,

646
00:35:16,823 --> 00:35:18,908
mga tao into groups, ika-categorize sila.

647
00:35:18,991 --> 00:35:21,911
Tapos parang gagawa sila
ng composition na ibibigay sa 'yo.

648
00:35:21,994 --> 00:35:23,496
Man! So unnatural, pare.

649
00:35:23,996 --> 00:35:28,376
Di ba? Ako, wala akong
aesthetic type, pare. Wala talaga.

650
00:35:28,459 --> 00:35:32,088
- I look more on to economic stature, eh.
- [tawanan]

651
00:35:33,714 --> 00:35:40,179
Kaya ang type ko, is what I call
them "subdivision girls," pare.

652
00:35:40,888 --> 00:35:44,100
Mga babaeng nakatira sa subdivision.

653
00:35:44,183 --> 00:35:46,894
'Yon lang, okay? I only do San Lo and up.

654
00:35:46,978 --> 00:35:48,229
- Okay?
- [tawanan]

655
00:35:49,313 --> 00:35:51,816
Wala nang iba. Di ba? The best, eh!

656
00:35:52,400 --> 00:35:55,528
Nag-date ka na ba ng subdivision girl?
Man, it's the best, pare.

657
00:35:55,611 --> 00:35:57,864
Di ba, 'yong mga tipong
tatanungin mo, "Ano'ng trabaho mo?"

658
00:35:57,947 --> 00:36:01,534
- "I just work for my family business." Hm!
- [tawanan]

659
00:36:03,119 --> 00:36:04,912
Subdivision girl.

660
00:36:05,621 --> 00:36:08,291
Di ba? Tipong yayayain ka na lang bigla.

661
00:36:08,374 --> 00:36:11,252
"You wanna come
to my family vacation in Prague?"

662
00:36:11,335 --> 00:36:14,505
Hm! Thank you. Subdivision girl.

663
00:36:15,381 --> 00:36:18,718
Di ba? Aayusin
pati visa mo. The best. Di ba?

664
00:36:19,343 --> 00:36:23,055
Mga tipong, "Mag-date na lang tayo
sa Polo Club. I can use my card." Hm!

665
00:36:24,265 --> 00:36:28,561
Subdivision girl! The best!
Di, sobrang kupal, eh, 'no?

666
00:36:28,644 --> 00:36:30,229
- Hindi, kaya ko lang…
- [tawanan]

667
00:36:30,855 --> 00:36:32,106
Bawi-bawi bigla, eh.

668
00:36:32,190 --> 00:36:35,693
Di, kaya lang naman ako mahilig
sa mga taong taga-subdivision

669
00:36:35,776 --> 00:36:37,820
kasi mine-make sure ko lang
na may shower sila kasi…

670
00:36:38,446 --> 00:36:39,947
mahilig ako sa shower sex.

671
00:36:40,031 --> 00:36:40,865
[tawanan]

672
00:36:41,908 --> 00:36:43,409
'Yon lang talaga 'yon, di ba?

673
00:36:43,492 --> 00:36:46,370
Shower sex is the best, pare.
Mayro'n ba dito? May nagsha-shower…

674
00:36:46,454 --> 00:36:48,623
Wala? Walang mahilig sa… Ako lang? Okay.

675
00:36:49,248 --> 00:36:56,172
Okay, sige, fine. Di ba, shower sex, man.
Gusto ko 'yong totoong shower sex.

676
00:36:56,255 --> 00:37:00,384
Hindi 'yong bullshit na shower sex
sa pelikula na nag-mo-momol sila sa shower

677
00:37:00,468 --> 00:37:02,094
tapos di sila nalulunod, parang…

678
00:37:02,178 --> 00:37:03,054
[tawanan]

679
00:37:03,137 --> 00:37:05,473
May constant stream ng tubig
tapos di sila nalulunod.

680
00:37:05,556 --> 00:37:07,225
Parang sobrang bullshit, di ba?

681
00:37:07,308 --> 00:37:10,686
Gusto ko 'yong totoong shower sex.
'Yong nagsasalitan kayo sa tubig.

682
00:37:11,437 --> 00:37:14,523
'Yon 'yong gusto ko.
'Yong tipong 'yong isa, naliligo.

683
00:37:14,607 --> 00:37:17,109
- 'Yong isa, nilalamig na. [tumawa]
- [tawanan]

684
00:37:17,193 --> 00:37:18,486
Giniginaw na. Di ba?

685
00:37:18,569 --> 00:37:20,571
- "Tapos ka na ba mag-shampoo?"
- [tawanan]

686
00:37:23,032 --> 00:37:25,243
"Tapos ka na ba mag-shampoo?

687
00:37:26,452 --> 00:37:28,663
- Ang haba ng buhok mo, eh!"
- [tawanan]

688
00:37:28,746 --> 00:37:31,624
"Baka matagal pa 'yan. Ako,
sandali lang. Sandali lang 'yong akin.

689
00:37:31,707 --> 00:37:35,628
Baka puwedeng pasalit muna?"
Di ba? 'Yon 'yong gusto ko.

690
00:37:35,711 --> 00:37:37,505
Ang bullshit
ng mga shower sex sa pelikula.

691
00:37:37,588 --> 00:37:41,008
Nagtutulakan pa sa pader.
'Tang inang 'yan. Tapos natu-turn on sila.

692
00:37:41,884 --> 00:37:42,718
[tawanan]

693
00:37:43,386 --> 00:37:45,638
- Ang sakit kaya matulak sa pader!
- [tawanan]

694
00:37:46,639 --> 00:37:48,432
Natulak na ba kayo sa pader?

695
00:37:49,225 --> 00:37:50,935
- Matigas 'yon, ah!
- [tawanan]

696
00:37:51,435 --> 00:37:55,314
Hindi 'yon parang binato ka lang
sa kama. Putsa, walang give 'yon, pare!

697
00:37:55,398 --> 00:37:59,527
May tiles 'yon, pare.
Matigas 'yon. Tinulak ako sa pader dati…

698
00:37:59,610 --> 00:38:00,987
- Nabagok ako, eh.
- [tawanan]

699
00:38:01,654 --> 00:38:03,364
- "Wala ako marinig, ah."
- [tawanan]

700
00:38:04,073 --> 00:38:05,783
- "Is this a concussion?"
- [tawanan]

701
00:38:06,492 --> 00:38:07,827
"It's a concussion, I see.

702
00:38:08,452 --> 00:38:11,414
Hmm… Ito pala 'yon.
Dito pala nagsisimula ang concussion.

703
00:38:11,497 --> 00:38:14,041
Kailangan ko na mag… ospital." Di ba?

704
00:38:14,583 --> 00:38:17,837
Sarap, eh. Sarap mag-shower sex.
Gusto ko 'yong naghuhugasan kayo.

705
00:38:19,547 --> 00:38:21,090
Pupunasan ko 'yong likod mo.

706
00:38:21,632 --> 00:38:24,176
- Pupunasan mo 'yong likod ko. Di ba?
- [tawanan]

707
00:38:24,260 --> 00:38:26,637
Mga gano'n. Di ba? Tipong nagpapaano ka…

708
00:38:26,721 --> 00:38:30,266
'Yong tipong, "Puwede bang
bunutin mo 'yong buhok ko sa puwet?"

709
00:38:30,349 --> 00:38:31,350
[tawanan]

710
00:38:31,434 --> 00:38:34,895
[tumawa si Red] "Di ko abot, eh."
'Yon! 'Yon ang totoong pag-ibig!

711
00:38:35,771 --> 00:38:38,858
Kaya mahilig ako sa shower sex, pare.
Tinry ko mag-tabo sex.

712
00:38:38,941 --> 00:38:40,943
- It's not the same, pare.
- [tawanan]

713
00:38:41,027 --> 00:38:43,487
Hindi siya hot, eh. Alam mo 'yon? Tipong…

714
00:38:44,071 --> 00:38:44,905
[tawanan]

715
00:38:48,534 --> 00:38:51,245
"Oo, mayro'n. Okay.
Medyo malamig, okay lang sa 'yo?"

716
00:38:51,329 --> 00:38:52,163
[tawanan]

717
00:38:53,331 --> 00:38:55,791
"Kanina pa 'yon, eh.
Gusto mo magpainit tayo ng tubig?"

718
00:38:59,628 --> 00:39:01,589
- Tapos naka-squat ka pa, 'no?
- [tawanan]

719
00:39:05,551 --> 00:39:08,471
Bakit pag naliligo tayo sa tabo,
hindi siya relaxing, 'no?

720
00:39:08,554 --> 00:39:10,473
Pag nagsho-shower ka, talagang parang…

721
00:39:10,556 --> 00:39:13,100
nakagano'n, nakatayo. Pag naliligo
sa tabo, talagang lahat intense.

722
00:39:13,184 --> 00:39:14,018
[tawanan]

723
00:39:15,353 --> 00:39:18,356
Nagmamadali ka kasi sandali lang
'yong daloy ng tubig sa 'yo, eh.

724
00:39:18,856 --> 00:39:21,442
- Kailangan mong habulin. Nandito na pala!
- [tawanan]

725
00:39:22,985 --> 00:39:23,903
So, tinry ko nga.

726
00:39:24,653 --> 00:39:28,532
Hindi, it's not the same, pare.
Shower sex pa rin. It's not the same.

727
00:39:28,616 --> 00:39:32,661
Kasi no'ng single ako, lalo na ngayon…

728
00:39:32,745 --> 00:39:35,539
Man, ibang klase na ngayon.
Marami nang sex-positive people.

729
00:39:35,623 --> 00:39:37,375
Ako naman, sex-positive din ako.

730
00:39:37,458 --> 00:39:39,835
I try to be open-minded
about people's, you know,

731
00:39:39,919 --> 00:39:43,631
desires and kinks. Di ba?

732
00:39:43,714 --> 00:39:46,384
Pero minsan, may mae-encounter ka
na hindi talaga kayo compatible

733
00:39:46,467 --> 00:39:48,969
and gano'n talaga
minsan hindi siya nagwo-work out.

734
00:39:49,053 --> 00:39:53,265
Like, naalala ko no'ng single ako,
may naka-date ako tapos sobrang okay, man.

735
00:39:53,849 --> 00:39:55,101
Usap kami sa restaurant,

736
00:39:55,184 --> 00:39:57,603
ganda ng conversation,
ganda ng rapport, di ba?

737
00:39:57,686 --> 00:40:00,231
Parehas kami ng taste in music and movies.

738
00:40:00,314 --> 00:40:02,817
Ganyan talaga.
Nagwo-walk lang kayo around the mall

739
00:40:02,900 --> 00:40:05,861
tapos di n'yo napansin
tatlong oras na pala kayo naglalakad.

740
00:40:05,945 --> 00:40:10,574
Di ba? Nag-uusap kayo. Tapos after no'n,
no'ng ihahatid ko na dapat siya,

741
00:40:10,658 --> 00:40:15,329
in-invite niya 'ko paakyat
sa condo niya. Sabi ko, "Yes! Good job!"

742
00:40:15,871 --> 00:40:19,625
Di ba? Punta kami sa condo niya.
Everything. Make out kami, pare.

743
00:40:20,626 --> 00:40:21,877
- [tawanan]
- Gano'n.

744
00:40:21,961 --> 00:40:23,671
- Ang pangit ng make out.
- [tawanan]

745
00:40:24,505 --> 00:40:26,632
'Yon kasi 'yong comedic act out
ng make out, eh.

746
00:40:26,715 --> 00:40:28,968
Kasi kung ginawa ko
'yong totoo, ang pangit. Tingnan mo.

747
00:40:29,468 --> 00:40:30,302
[tawanan]

748
00:40:40,855 --> 00:40:45,025
Di ba? Hindi siya astig, eh.
Di ba? So 'yon 'yong comedic…

749
00:40:45,109 --> 00:40:49,655
Pero nag-make out kami, tapos after no'n,
sabi niya, "I'm just gonna freshen up."

750
00:40:49,738 --> 00:40:51,490
Tapos pumasok siya sa banyo niya.

751
00:40:51,574 --> 00:40:54,410
Tapos iniwan niyang bukas 'yong pintuan.
Tapos ako parang, "Oh, my god.

752
00:40:54,910 --> 00:40:56,328
Invitation ba 'to?"

753
00:40:56,412 --> 00:40:58,789
Tapos biglang sinabi niya,
"Tara, join me." Hmm!

754
00:40:59,999 --> 00:41:03,043
Pagpasok ko, pagkakita ko,
"Okay, walang tabo. Good job."

755
00:41:03,127 --> 00:41:04,295
- [tawanan]
- Di ba?

756
00:41:05,254 --> 00:41:06,255
Minake sure ko muna.

757
00:41:07,089 --> 00:41:10,176
Tapos nakita ko
'yong shower niya, 'yong rainfall shower.

758
00:41:10,259 --> 00:41:12,178
Tapos nakabukas na,
nakita ko ang water pressure.

759
00:41:12,261 --> 00:41:14,430
Puta, tanggal 'yong grout
ng tiles, eh, gano'n.

760
00:41:15,139 --> 00:41:17,933
- Gano'ng kalupit… Gano'n talaga.
- [tawanan]

761
00:41:18,434 --> 00:41:20,394
Sabi ko, "Putsa,
tatapat ko tainga ko dito."

762
00:41:20,478 --> 00:41:23,355
Alam mo 'yon? Gano'ng klaseng…
Talagang sarap no'n, di ba?

763
00:41:23,439 --> 00:41:25,316
'Yon ang luxury water pressure, pare.

764
00:41:25,399 --> 00:41:28,861
Tuwang-tuwa ako.
Nagme-make out kami sa shower, di ba?

765
00:41:28,944 --> 00:41:32,490
Tapos lumuhod siya.
"Oh, my god, lumuhod siya.

766
00:41:32,573 --> 00:41:35,367
Wow, grabe, first date pa lang, game na."

767
00:41:35,451 --> 00:41:37,912
Tapos biglang sabi niya,
"Can you pee on me?"

768
00:41:37,995 --> 00:41:39,538
- [tawanan]
- [Red] O…

769
00:41:39,622 --> 00:41:43,751
Okay. Sex-positive tayo, guys.
Wag kayong mandiri.

770
00:41:43,834 --> 00:41:47,546
May mga taong into that
and it's not a bad thing.

771
00:41:47,630 --> 00:41:51,842
Ang problema lang, 'yon nga,
pag hindi kayo compatible, walang pilitan.

772
00:41:51,926 --> 00:41:54,470
Di ba? 'Yon lang 'yon. Ang problema…

773
00:41:55,971 --> 00:41:58,057
tricky situation na 'yan,
touchy na 'yan, eh.

774
00:41:58,140 --> 00:42:01,727
Kasi into it na kaming parehas.
Di ba? Everything going well nga, di ba?

775
00:42:01,810 --> 00:42:04,480
Into it kami,
so no'ng hiningi niya 'yong desire niya,

776
00:42:05,147 --> 00:42:06,649
kailangan ko siyang tanggihan.

777
00:42:07,525 --> 00:42:10,569
So dapat delicate ka
sa rejection na 'to. Di ba?

778
00:42:11,111 --> 00:42:13,781
Kasi ang kupal, eh,
pag sinabi mo lang, "Ayaw ko nga!"

779
00:42:14,698 --> 00:42:16,492
- "Kadiri amputa!" Di ba?
- [tawanan]

780
00:42:17,409 --> 00:42:18,994
- Di ba?
- [hiyawan at palakpakan]

781
00:42:19,495 --> 00:42:21,038
Dapat delicate ka lang.

782
00:42:21,121 --> 00:42:23,666
So, putsa, nag slow-mo
'yong utak ko nito, man.

783
00:42:23,749 --> 00:42:24,959
Nag-bullet time siya…

784
00:42:26,168 --> 00:42:28,212
Nag-usap 'yong mga boses
sa utak ko, "Okay."

785
00:42:28,796 --> 00:42:30,839
- "Nagpapaihi siya, 'no?" "Oo."
- [tawanan]

786
00:42:32,383 --> 00:42:35,052
"Mahilig ba tayo do'n?"
"Hindi. Di tayo mahilig do'n."

787
00:42:35,594 --> 00:42:38,264
"Di tayo mahilig do'n." "Pa'no
gagawin natin? Ano sasabihin natin?"

788
00:42:38,347 --> 00:42:41,016
"Kailangan i-reject natin siya
nang maayos pero kailangan sabihin na

789
00:42:41,100 --> 00:42:42,685
kasi matagal na tayong nag-iisip."

790
00:42:42,768 --> 00:42:46,188
"Okay, kailangan magsalita ka na.
Magsalita ka na, Red."

791
00:42:46,272 --> 00:42:48,732
- "Hindi ako naiihi, eh."
- [tawanan]

792
00:42:53,279 --> 00:42:55,239
Tapos sabi niya, "Okay." Ganyan, di ba?

793
00:42:55,781 --> 00:42:57,533
Kaso, guys, ang problema no'n…

794
00:42:59,368 --> 00:43:01,328
- Ihing-ihi na 'ko no'n, pare.
- [tawanan]

795
00:43:02,246 --> 00:43:05,499
As in talagang
water balloon-swelling bladder.

796
00:43:05,583 --> 00:43:08,502
'Yong tipong pag ginano'n mo 'ko,
may lalabas na kaunti…

797
00:43:09,253 --> 00:43:10,212
May gagano'n na

798
00:43:10,796 --> 00:43:11,630
na maliit.

799
00:43:12,840 --> 00:43:15,175
Na kaunting… Di ba? Water balloon type.

800
00:43:15,259 --> 00:43:18,637
Gano'n. Gano'ng klase.
Pero, man. Gentleman 'to, pare.

801
00:43:18,721 --> 00:43:20,514
Gentleman 'to. Make out kami.

802
00:43:21,098 --> 00:43:23,642
Sex kami, man.
Sex kami three rounds, pare.

803
00:43:23,726 --> 00:43:27,187
In between, may usap, pare.
Hindi lang 'yong sex na tuloy-tuloy, pare.

804
00:43:27,271 --> 00:43:29,315
May in between.
May usap pa kayong ganyan. Di ba?

805
00:43:29,398 --> 00:43:31,734
Alam ko na
'yong mga gusto niya sa career niya,

806
00:43:31,817 --> 00:43:34,403
mga frustrations, galit siya
sa mga boss niya dati, di ba?

807
00:43:34,486 --> 00:43:36,405
'Yong ex niya na may ahas, alam ko na.

808
00:43:36,947 --> 00:43:38,866
Alam ko na lahat.

809
00:43:39,366 --> 00:43:41,535
Tapos eventually, after ng third round,
nag-usap pa kami.

810
00:43:41,619 --> 00:43:43,829
Tagal. Tagal ng after-sex talk namin.

811
00:43:43,912 --> 00:43:46,290
Tapos eventually,
kailangan ko nang magpaalam, late na.

812
00:43:46,373 --> 00:43:49,251
Sabi ko, "Hey, it’s been
a great night. Thank you so much."

813
00:43:49,335 --> 00:43:51,378
Tapos sinarado niya
'yong pintuan ng condo niya.

814
00:43:51,462 --> 00:43:53,255
Putsa, pagka-click na pagka-click ng lock…

815
00:43:53,339 --> 00:43:57,926
Talagang putang ina, sobrang
tumakbo ako, man, papunta sa elevator.

816
00:43:58,010 --> 00:44:00,054
Tapos pinipindot ko
'yong down nang mabilis.

817
00:44:00,554 --> 00:44:02,931
Alam mo 'yon, sa utak mo,
bibilis 'yong elevator

818
00:44:03,015 --> 00:44:05,934
pag pini-pressure mo sila.
"Kailangan ko na!

819
00:44:06,602 --> 00:44:09,355
Kailangan na kita ngayon.
Kailangan na kita ngayon, elevator."

820
00:44:09,438 --> 00:44:12,107
Di ba? Bumaba ako,
pasok ako sa sasakyan ko.

821
00:44:12,191 --> 00:44:16,153
Nagmadali ako sa nearest gas station.
Umihi ako, grabe, pare.

822
00:44:16,695 --> 00:44:19,031
'Yong ihi ko, man,
world record, siguro kung…

823
00:44:19,114 --> 00:44:21,533
kung may nagbabantay
na <i>Guinness Book of World Records </i>do'n,

824
00:44:21,617 --> 00:44:23,494
parang, "Wow, ang dami nito, ah." Parang…

825
00:44:24,036 --> 00:44:25,204
Ang lakas.

826
00:44:25,704 --> 00:44:28,999
Ang masaklap, di ba?
'Yong tipong pagdating ko do'n,

827
00:44:29,667 --> 00:44:33,087
pasok ako kaagad sa stall,
talagang ang ginawa ko,

828
00:44:33,170 --> 00:44:35,798
jinam ko 'yong thumb ko
dito sa ano ko, sa pelvis ko.

829
00:44:35,881 --> 00:44:38,008
Talagang nasugatan na 'ko. Kasi binaba ko…

830
00:44:38,092 --> 00:44:40,469
Kasi naka-belt ako no'n, eh.
'Yon 'yong pinaka-bad trip

831
00:44:40,552 --> 00:44:42,054
pag ihing-ihi ka na tapos naka-belt ka.

832
00:44:42,137 --> 00:44:44,014
- Tapos parang…
- [tawanan]

833
00:44:46,350 --> 00:44:50,104
Tapos pagbaba ko, pare, 'yong etits ko…
Ito kunwari 'yong pantalon, di ba?

834
00:44:50,187 --> 00:44:52,648
Tapos 'yong etits ko,
pag gano'n na pag gano'n, o.

835
00:44:55,818 --> 00:44:57,152
Parang fire hose, eh.

836
00:44:58,153 --> 00:44:58,987
[tawanan]

837
00:45:02,658 --> 00:45:05,411
Tina-try ko siyang i-contain,
di ba? Umaatras ka, di ba?

838
00:45:05,994 --> 00:45:07,746
Umiihi ka na from the logo.

839
00:45:09,039 --> 00:45:10,958
Steph Curry! Di ba?

840
00:45:11,041 --> 00:45:14,128
Long distance na, eh, grabe.
Sobrang dami kong naihi.

841
00:45:14,920 --> 00:45:18,048
Sobrang dami kong naihi, guys.
Na-flush ko 'yong toilet.

842
00:45:18,132 --> 00:45:18,966
[tawanan]

843
00:45:21,468 --> 00:45:23,470
Gano'n kadami at kalakas, pare.

844
00:45:24,054 --> 00:45:26,724
Puta, nag-flush 'yong toilet.
Di pa 'ko tapos. Alam mo 'yon?

845
00:45:27,599 --> 00:45:28,767
Napuno ko pa siya ulit.

846
00:45:29,685 --> 00:45:31,979
Di ba? Tapos
saka ko siya flinush normally.

847
00:45:32,062 --> 00:45:34,189
Baka lang gusto n'yong
malaman 'yon. Di ko alam.

848
00:45:35,190 --> 00:45:40,738
Baka ano… Gano'n. Gano'n talaga
'yong nangyari. So, naisip ko lang parang,

849
00:45:41,321 --> 00:45:44,408
"Man, pa'no ba 'ko napunta
sa sitwasyon na 'to? Ano ba'ng nangyari?"

850
00:45:44,491 --> 00:45:48,245
Nag-look back ako sa day namin.
Alam mo, parang sine-set up niya ako.

851
00:45:48,871 --> 00:45:52,082
Kasi no'ng kumakain kami
sa restaurant, no'ng um-order kami,

852
00:45:52,166 --> 00:45:56,128
bigla siyang um-order, "Pa-order din
ng tatlong pitcher ng peach iced tea."

853
00:45:56,211 --> 00:45:57,337
[tawanan]

854
00:45:57,421 --> 00:46:01,425
Tatlong pitcher ng peach iced tea?

855
00:46:02,050 --> 00:46:03,844
Tapos ininom ko 'yon lahat.
Naglalakad kami,

856
00:46:03,927 --> 00:46:06,013
putsa, may dala siyang
Hydro Flask, alam mo 'yon?

857
00:46:06,096 --> 00:46:08,891
Sixty-four ounces. "Gusto mong
uminom?" "Oo, gusto kong uminom."

858
00:46:09,600 --> 00:46:12,853
"Thoughtful mo, ah."
Pinaka-large sa Tater's na drink. Di ba?

859
00:46:12,936 --> 00:46:16,106
Nanood kaming sine. Di ba?
"Di ko na maubos 'yong drink ko, eh."

860
00:46:16,190 --> 00:46:18,525
- "Uy, root beer. Sige."
- [tawanan]

861
00:46:18,609 --> 00:46:21,904
I should have known, pare.
Set up pala 'yon.

862
00:46:22,404 --> 00:46:24,823
Grabe, di ko alam. Di ko talaga alam.

863
00:46:24,907 --> 00:46:28,202
Tapos ang dami nang nagsasabi sa 'kin,
no'ng narinig nila 'yong story na 'to,

864
00:46:29,119 --> 00:46:32,372
sabi sa 'kin, "Ba't no'ng,
alam mo 'yon, pupunta ka pang gas station?

865
00:46:32,456 --> 00:46:35,083
After n'yong nag-sex,
di sana umihi ka na lang do'n."

866
00:46:35,167 --> 00:46:38,337
Di ba? Gano'n ba kadali 'yon, pare?
Sinabi ko sa kanya di ako naiihi.

867
00:46:38,420 --> 00:46:40,881
Tapos biglang sasabihin ko,
"Naiihi na 'ko bigla."

868
00:46:40,964 --> 00:46:42,090
Di ba? Paano 'yon? Di ba?

869
00:46:42,174 --> 00:46:45,093
Baka mamaya, pag umihi ako do'n,
di ko alam, baka ang gawin niya,

870
00:46:45,177 --> 00:46:47,304
baka mamaya, tumakbo siya, "Interception!"

871
00:46:48,263 --> 00:46:50,516
- Tapos biglang…
- [tawanan]

872
00:46:51,350 --> 00:46:53,811
Sorry, di ko alam.
Iniinom ba nila 'yon? Di ko alam kung…

873
00:46:54,311 --> 00:46:57,689
Di ko alam, eh. Hindi ko alam
ano'ng ginagawa nila. O anuman, di ba?

874
00:46:58,440 --> 00:47:00,943
So 'yon, kaya 'yon.
Kaya hindi ko siya ginawa and everything.

875
00:47:01,026 --> 00:47:04,071
Ang hirap. Dami kong
na-encounter na talagang…

876
00:47:04,571 --> 00:47:07,324
Di ko talaga ma-explain. Like,
'yon nga, di ako nangki-kink shame,

877
00:47:07,407 --> 00:47:09,701
pero minsan may mga kinks
talaga na parang ang weird.

878
00:47:09,785 --> 00:47:12,871
Di ba? Like, ito. No'ng pandemic. Di ba?

879
00:47:12,955 --> 00:47:16,250
Sino'ng naging single no'ng pandemic?
Putang ina, what an ordeal, pare.

880
00:47:16,333 --> 00:47:18,919
Alam mo 'yon, di ba?
Lahat tayo, puta, nagse-sex sa chat.

881
00:47:19,002 --> 00:47:25,092
Pa'no 'yon… Do'n tayo nagse-sex.
"Hinuhubaran na kita ng pantalon."

882
00:47:25,175 --> 00:47:26,009
[tawanan]

883
00:47:27,010 --> 00:47:30,222
- "Tapos nilabas ko ang titi ko…"
- [tawanan]

884
00:47:30,305 --> 00:47:34,184
- "…na… nine inches."
- [tawanan]

885
00:47:35,894 --> 00:47:37,813
Di ba? Ang hirap no'n, eh, 'no?

886
00:47:37,896 --> 00:47:41,233
Tapos ang pangit no'ng term, 'no?
Cyber sex. Di ba? "Cyber sex…"

887
00:47:41,984 --> 00:47:44,403
- [tawanan]
- "Cyber sex…"

888
00:47:45,612 --> 00:47:50,701
Di ba? Hindi siya sexy.
Parang kung nakikipag…

889
00:47:50,784 --> 00:47:54,705
may kinakausap ka na babae,
di ba, "O ano? Cyber sex na 'to?"

890
00:47:54,788 --> 00:47:57,916
Parang di siya suave, 'no?
"Wanna take this to my Zoom room?"

891
00:47:58,000 --> 00:48:01,044
- [tawanan]
- "Naka-premium ako."

892
00:48:01,545 --> 00:48:06,008
"Hindi tayo restricted to 40 minutes.
Unlimited time 'yon, unlimited time."

893
00:48:06,091 --> 00:48:09,845
Di ba? Parang ang weird, eh.
Di ko ma-gets. So anyways,

894
00:48:09,928 --> 00:48:12,890
may kausap ako dati,
tapos nagpadala siya ng nudes, pare.

895
00:48:12,973 --> 00:48:15,642
Ooh, nudes.
May nagpapadala ba ng nudes dito?

896
00:48:16,602 --> 00:48:22,566
O… Talaga? Okay.
So, nagpadala siya ng nudes.

897
00:48:23,233 --> 00:48:25,861
Siyempre, wow, grabe.
"Uy, sexy mo," ganyan.

898
00:48:25,944 --> 00:48:27,946
And everything. Tapos sabi niya sa 'kin,

899
00:48:28,864 --> 00:48:30,282
"Can you do a cum tribute?"

900
00:48:31,909 --> 00:48:33,160
Okay, may dalawang…

901
00:48:34,703 --> 00:48:37,623
na-gets nila kung ano 'yong cum tribute.
'Yong iba nagpe-pretend.

902
00:48:37,706 --> 00:48:41,585
Ang cum tribute is magpapadala
ng nudes 'yong partner mo,

903
00:48:41,668 --> 00:48:45,881
tapos ang expectation nila is mag-aano ka,

904
00:48:46,673 --> 00:48:48,634
you know, mag-jajakol ka.

905
00:48:49,259 --> 00:48:53,138
And then 'yong ejaculate mo,
pupunta ro'n sa picture.

906
00:48:53,221 --> 00:48:55,182
Tapos pi-picture-an mo 'yon na,

907
00:48:55,682 --> 00:48:57,392
alam mo 'yon, nilagay mo 'yon sa picture,

908
00:48:57,476 --> 00:48:59,519
tapos se-send mo sa kanya,
and natu-turn on sila do'n.

909
00:48:59,603 --> 00:49:04,107
Di ba? Ewan ko kung bakit pero…
gano'n talaga, eh. Alam mo 'yon?

910
00:49:04,191 --> 00:49:07,152
Ngayon, ako, di naman…
I don't find it weird.

911
00:49:08,236 --> 00:49:12,574
Napaka-logistically challenging lang
ng kink na 'to.

912
00:49:12,658 --> 00:49:16,787
Di ba? Kasi mag-e-expect ka na 'yong
papadalhan mo ng nude, may printer.

913
00:49:16,870 --> 00:49:17,704
[tawanan]

914
00:49:19,414 --> 00:49:20,248
Di ba?

915
00:49:21,249 --> 00:49:24,127
Logistically challenging.
Alas tres ng umaga,

916
00:49:24,211 --> 00:49:28,215
"Gusto ko tamuran mo
'tong picture na 'to." Di ba?

917
00:49:28,298 --> 00:49:30,217
Wala akong printer, di ba?

918
00:49:30,300 --> 00:49:31,969
Sabihin mo, "Wala 'kong printer…"

919
00:49:32,052 --> 00:49:34,221
- Kasi alangan namang pa-print mo.
- [tawanan]

920
00:49:35,722 --> 00:49:37,891
Unang-una,
kung may printer ka man sa bahay,

921
00:49:37,975 --> 00:49:39,393
usually family printer 'yon.

922
00:49:39,476 --> 00:49:40,310
[tawanan]

923
00:49:41,603 --> 00:49:42,938
Di ba? Kakatok ka pa.

924
00:49:43,605 --> 00:49:45,190
- [mga katok] "Daddy."
- [tawanan]

925
00:49:46,149 --> 00:49:46,984
"Gising ka pa?"

926
00:49:48,902 --> 00:49:50,404
"Pagamit lang ng printer.

927
00:49:50,487 --> 00:49:52,698
- Oo, sinend ko na sa email mo."
- [tawanan]

928
00:49:55,742 --> 00:49:58,996
- "Pa-print lang ako. A3. A4. Yeah, oo."
- [tawanan]

929
00:49:59,496 --> 00:50:00,956
Laki ng printer. A3, eh, 'no?

930
00:50:02,207 --> 00:50:06,044
Di ba? Wala, eh, kung wala kayong printer,
ano e-expect mo? Pupunta kang print shop?

931
00:50:06,628 --> 00:50:10,007
Papa-print mo 'yon? Kahit i-send nila
'yon in advance, ano, ipapa-print mo?

932
00:50:10,090 --> 00:50:13,218
Di ba? Pupunta ka
sa print shop, 'no, naka-hoodie ka.

933
00:50:14,928 --> 00:50:15,971
"Pa-print nga nito."

934
00:50:17,305 --> 00:50:19,641
"Sir, ano 'yan, sir?"
"Picture. Oo, picture."

935
00:50:19,725 --> 00:50:21,643
"Ano'ng size, sir? Wallet size?

936
00:50:22,185 --> 00:50:27,441
Ha, sir? A3?
Ga'no kalaki, sir? Uy! Nudes 'to, ah!"

937
00:50:27,524 --> 00:50:29,568
- [tawanan]
- "Ano, matte? Glossy?

938
00:50:30,569 --> 00:50:34,197
Ha, sir? Ano 'to, sir? Nudes, ha?
Para sa cum tribute ba 'to?"

939
00:50:34,281 --> 00:50:36,033
- [tawanan]
- "Cum tribute?"

940
00:50:36,533 --> 00:50:38,744
- "Sir, gusto n'yo laminate natin?"
- [tawanan]

941
00:50:40,537 --> 00:50:44,166
"Para, sir, kunwari
pag ni-laminate, 'no? Tinamuran n'yo,

942
00:50:44,916 --> 00:50:47,169
tapos di n'yo trip
'yong talsik ng tamod n'yo,

943
00:50:47,961 --> 00:50:49,087
di, punasan n'yo lang."

944
00:50:49,171 --> 00:50:50,005
[tawanan]

945
00:50:51,965 --> 00:50:55,719
"And gawin mo ulit. Di ba?
Oo. Di ka na babalik dito.

946
00:50:56,887 --> 00:50:59,639
Sir, kung gusto n'yo
bigyan kitang sliding folder na clear.

947
00:51:00,265 --> 00:51:03,769
Clear sliding folder 'yon, sir,
kung marami kayong partners, di ba?

948
00:51:03,852 --> 00:51:06,229
Iba-ibang nudes.
Kunwari isang tamod ka na lang,

949
00:51:06,313 --> 00:51:08,648
tapos interchange mo na lang
'yong mga picture.

950
00:51:10,150 --> 00:51:11,818
I-arrange mo 'yong positioning

951
00:51:12,694 --> 00:51:14,821
kung ano'ng aesthetic, sir, di ba?

952
00:51:14,905 --> 00:51:18,575
Malay mo no'ng time na 'yon,
marami kayong tamod, sayang naman, di ba?

953
00:51:18,658 --> 00:51:22,662
Baka di na maulit.
Exchange mo 'yong ano, picture, di ba?

954
00:51:22,746 --> 00:51:26,208
Di, ang dami mo nang puwedeng send-an!
Di ba? Sliding folder, di ba?"

955
00:51:26,291 --> 00:51:29,503
Di ba? So 'yon talaga,
logistically challenging siya.

956
00:51:29,586 --> 00:51:33,006
So sinabi ko do'n sa kausap ko,
sabi ko, "Sorry, wala akong printer."

957
00:51:33,965 --> 00:51:37,969
Tapos sabi niya, "Oh, no, most guys,
they just do it on their phones."

958
00:51:41,932 --> 00:51:43,767
On their phones?

959
00:51:44,434 --> 00:51:45,352
Putsa, cell phone.

960
00:51:45,435 --> 00:51:47,312
- Nagtatrabaho ako dito, eh.
- [tawanan]

961
00:51:48,396 --> 00:51:50,398
Mamaya-maya, the next day,
nag-e-email ako sa kama,

962
00:51:50,482 --> 00:51:51,733
mahulog pa 'to sa mukha ko.

963
00:51:52,901 --> 00:51:54,736
"'Tang ina, tinamuran ko 'to kahapon, ah."

964
00:51:56,738 --> 00:51:57,614
Di ba?

965
00:51:58,824 --> 00:52:02,119
Saka pa'no kung masira
'yong cell phone ko?

966
00:52:02,202 --> 00:52:04,496
- Ano'ng sasabihin ko sa Greenhills?
- [tawanan]

967
00:52:05,872 --> 00:52:06,706
Ha?

968
00:52:07,249 --> 00:52:09,459
"Sir, ano'ng mayro'n dito, sir?
Pa'no nasira, sir?"

969
00:52:09,543 --> 00:52:11,545
- "Basta nasira, pare. Nasira."
- [tawanan]

970
00:52:12,712 --> 00:52:14,923
- "Sir, ano 'to? Cum tribute, sir?"
- [tawanan]

971
00:52:18,135 --> 00:52:20,512
"Dapat kasi, sir,
lagyan n'yo ng tempered glass.

972
00:52:24,558 --> 00:52:26,601
'Yon ang dapat gawin para maproteksiyonan

973
00:52:26,685 --> 00:52:29,396
ang phone. Tingnan mo, sir.
Demo ko dito, naka-tempered glass 'to."

974
00:52:29,479 --> 00:52:30,313
[tawanan]

975
00:52:32,232 --> 00:52:36,236
"Apat na beses kong
tinamuran 'to kahapon. Walang problema."

976
00:52:37,028 --> 00:52:38,071
Di ba?

977
00:52:38,155 --> 00:52:43,243
And in all honesty, fine,
kung tamuran mo ang cell phone mo, fine.

978
00:52:43,326 --> 00:52:46,288
Sige. Tamuran mo cell phone mo.
Pa'no mo siya pi-picture-an?

979
00:52:46,371 --> 00:52:47,205
[tawanan]

980
00:52:47,789 --> 00:52:51,084
Kakatok ka na naman
sa tatay mo, "Daddy, gising ka pa?

981
00:52:51,168 --> 00:52:52,335
Pahiram ng cell phone mo.

982
00:52:53,170 --> 00:52:55,589
Pi-picture-an ko lang 'to.
Sige, ikaw na mag-delete.

983
00:52:55,672 --> 00:52:57,340
Airdrop mo sa 'kin. Airdrop mo."

984
00:52:58,091 --> 00:53:03,430
Di ba? Pero sa totoo lang,
nakukuwento ko 'tong istorya na 'to

985
00:53:03,513 --> 00:53:06,391
kasi no'ng unang nangyari
sa akin 'to, na-excite ako.

986
00:53:06,474 --> 00:53:09,895
Tapos do'n ko nga na-realize na,
no'ng tinamuran ko na cell phone ko,

987
00:53:11,062 --> 00:53:12,564
papa'no ko siya pi-picture-an?

988
00:53:14,191 --> 00:53:15,525
Sabi ko, "Oh, fuck!

989
00:53:16,985 --> 00:53:17,861
Pa'no kaya 'to?"

990
00:53:18,361 --> 00:53:22,157
Tapos nakakatawa kasi nakita ko
'yong reflection ko sa bedroom mirror ko.

991
00:53:22,240 --> 00:53:25,744
The reflection of me
na binubuhat ko 'yong laptop ko…

992
00:53:25,827 --> 00:53:27,037
[tawanan]

993
00:53:28,246 --> 00:53:30,123
- …naka-Photo Booth…
- [tawanan]

994
00:53:30,957 --> 00:53:36,630
…tapos tinatapat ko
'yong webcam… do'n sa… [tumatawa]

995
00:53:36,713 --> 00:53:38,340
Hay, sana hindi siya totoo.

996
00:53:38,423 --> 00:53:40,383
- Pero totoo siyang nangyari.
- [tawanan]

997
00:53:40,967 --> 00:53:44,179
Natuwa naman siya. Parang, "Wow,
ang ganda nito, ah." Mga gano'n.

998
00:53:44,262 --> 00:53:47,140
- Siyempre, naka-tempered glass ako, eh.
- [tawanan]

999
00:53:47,224 --> 00:53:48,099
[tumatawa]

1000
00:53:49,017 --> 00:53:50,060
[humiyaw] Grabe.

1001
00:53:51,353 --> 00:53:52,520
[hiyawan at palakpakan]

1002
00:53:56,733 --> 00:53:58,985
Hay. Napakabastos no'n.

1003
00:54:00,570 --> 00:54:03,198
Mga Pinoy talaga
ang hilig n'yo sa bastos, 'no?

1004
00:54:03,281 --> 00:54:05,367
Kahit 'yong mga ibang stand-ups before,

1005
00:54:05,450 --> 00:54:08,703
'yon talaga 'yong calling card nila, 'no?
Bastos na stuff talaga.

1006
00:54:08,787 --> 00:54:10,997
Kasi talagang repressed tayo, technically.

1007
00:54:11,081 --> 00:54:14,084
Repressed pa tayo as a nation.
We're a Catholic nation.

1008
00:54:14,167 --> 00:54:17,087
Di ba? Very repressed.
And ako, I always talk about

1009
00:54:17,587 --> 00:54:20,423
the real Filipino experience
pag nagse-set ako.

1010
00:54:21,049 --> 00:54:23,301
I feel like I represent us well.

1011
00:54:23,385 --> 00:54:25,762
Nire-represent ko
'yong talagang totoong nangyayari

1012
00:54:25,845 --> 00:54:27,430
or, like, pinag-uusapan ko,

1013
00:54:27,514 --> 00:54:30,600
kung napanood n'yo before,
mga pinag-uusapan ko mga…

1014
00:54:30,684 --> 00:54:32,143
minsan may religious jokes ako,

1015
00:54:32,227 --> 00:54:34,187
may mga life being single
in the Philippines,

1016
00:54:34,271 --> 00:54:38,733
life maging mataba sa Pilipinas,
di ba? And I think may…

1017
00:54:38,817 --> 00:54:42,070
Masaya naman na mayro'ng
mga Fil-Am comedians

1018
00:54:42,153 --> 00:54:43,154
na nagre-represent us,

1019
00:54:43,238 --> 00:54:46,116
pero hindi nila nare-represent
'yong totoong culture natin

1020
00:54:46,199 --> 00:54:50,370
dito sa Pilipinas. Alam mo 'yon, di ba?
Kaya ito, pinaglalaban ko 'to.

1021
00:54:50,453 --> 00:54:52,330
- [palakpakan]
- Hindi lang ako.

1022
00:54:52,414 --> 00:54:55,500
May malaking… May eksena na
na on the rise ngayon sa Pilipinas

1023
00:54:55,583 --> 00:54:58,211
ng Pinoy stand up comedy.
Thank you sa Comedy Manila.

1024
00:54:58,295 --> 00:55:00,422
- Kung nanonood kayo ng shows.
- [palakpakan]

1025
00:55:00,505 --> 00:55:03,758
Yes, maraming Filipino stand up comedians

1026
00:55:03,842 --> 00:55:07,304
na kinukuwento nila
'yong point-of-view, 'yong culture nila,

1027
00:55:07,387 --> 00:55:10,598
'yong kinalakihan nila.
So pag nanood kayo ng show,

1028
00:55:10,682 --> 00:55:12,809
baka mas maka-relate kayo
sa iba-ibang klaseng comedian

1029
00:55:12,892 --> 00:55:14,436
kasi baka maka-relate kayo sa culture.

1030
00:55:14,519 --> 00:55:17,689
Ako, daming nakaka-relate na mataba
sa 'kin, saka mga guwapo. Di ba?

1031
00:55:17,772 --> 00:55:19,441
- [tawanan]
- [tumawa si Red]

1032
00:55:19,524 --> 00:55:23,194
Ayun. Kaya isa rin sa mga part ko,
kaya minsan kasi may nagsasabi,

1033
00:55:23,278 --> 00:55:26,072
"Uy, nagjo-jokes ka ba on religion?
Di ba offensive 'yan?" Di ba?

1034
00:55:26,156 --> 00:55:27,449
Part siya ng culture natin, eh.

1035
00:55:27,532 --> 00:55:31,077
So ako talaga, pinag-uusapan ko
growing up as a Catholic boy, pare.

1036
00:55:31,161 --> 00:55:34,331
Talagang Catholic school,
Catholic upbringing.

1037
00:55:34,414 --> 00:55:38,084
And alam mo, honestly,
wala akong problema sa Catholic Church.

1038
00:55:38,168 --> 00:55:40,253
Sobrang angas na angas nga ako
sa Catholic Church, man.

1039
00:55:40,337 --> 00:55:42,005
Sobrang lupit. Di ba?

1040
00:55:42,088 --> 00:55:47,093
Kasi parang hanggang ngayon,
kabisado ko pa rin lahat ng church songs.

1041
00:55:47,927 --> 00:55:51,181
Di ba? Gandang-ganda 'ko sa mga church
songs kahit di na 'ko nagsisimba,

1042
00:55:51,264 --> 00:55:52,599
mahal na mahal ko sila.

1043
00:55:52,682 --> 00:55:57,645
Di ba? And to the point, honestly,
pinaalis ako ng lola ko sa simbahan.

1044
00:55:58,188 --> 00:56:00,065
Hindi niya 'ko sinasama magsimba,

1045
00:56:00,148 --> 00:56:03,568
kasi sabi niya,
masyado daw intense 'yong worship ko.

1046
00:56:04,319 --> 00:56:05,528
Nadadala ako, eh.

1047
00:56:06,321 --> 00:56:08,406
Alam mo 'yon? I worship too hard, pare.

1048
00:56:08,490 --> 00:56:10,825
Oo, minsan, di ba,
ang ganda kasi ng mga kanta.

1049
00:56:10,909 --> 00:56:16,164
<i>♪ Purihin ang Panginoon ♪</i>
<i>♪ Umawit ng kagalakan ♪</i>

1050
00:56:16,247 --> 00:56:17,082
<i>♪ Oh, yeah ♪</i>

1051
00:56:17,582 --> 00:56:20,710
<i>♪ At tugtugin ang gitara ♪</i>

1052
00:56:20,794 --> 00:56:22,712
<i>♪ At ang kaaya-ayang lira ♪</i>

1053
00:56:22,796 --> 00:56:25,048
- Ooh, may lira? Di ba?
- [tawanan]

1054
00:56:26,633 --> 00:56:28,093
Tapos 'yong Lola ko…

1055
00:56:28,927 --> 00:56:32,514
"Bumaba ka nga diyan.
Ba't ka nakatayo sa upuan mo?"

1056
00:56:32,597 --> 00:56:33,431
[tawanan]

1057
00:56:34,432 --> 00:56:37,435
Gumagano'n-gano'n ako
sa simbahan. Di ba? Tapos bawal 'yon.

1058
00:56:37,519 --> 00:56:42,023
Bawal mag-worship extra,
dapat ang worship mo contained lang.

1059
00:56:42,107 --> 00:56:45,151
Di ba? Tapos ako,
expressive ako, eh. Bawal ko gawin 'yon.

1060
00:56:45,235 --> 00:56:46,903
Di ba ang ganda ng church songs natin?

1061
00:56:46,986 --> 00:56:49,197
Di tayo puwedeng mag-bop to it.
Alam mo 'yon, di ba?

1062
00:56:49,280 --> 00:56:52,492
Bakit di puwede?
Di ba? 'Yong "Papuri Sa Diyos"

1063
00:56:52,575 --> 00:56:54,786
'yong "Bohemian Rhapsody"
ng Pilipinas, pare.

1064
00:56:54,869 --> 00:56:55,703
[tawanan]

1065
00:56:56,788 --> 00:57:00,500
Tapos di tayo puwedeng mag-wild and out.
Di ba? Di ka puwede madala.

1066
00:57:00,583 --> 00:57:07,132
'Yong isa sa mga paborito kong ginagawa
sa Catholic, 'yong Visita Iglesia. Di ba?

1067
00:57:07,215 --> 00:57:11,261
Road trip. Kasama mo pamilya mo, di ba?

1068
00:57:11,344 --> 00:57:14,264
Natitikman mo 'yong iba-ibang
klaseng scramble sa iba-ibang

1069
00:57:14,848 --> 00:57:17,642
lalawigan ng Pilipinas.
"Ito pala scramble sa Bulacan.

1070
00:57:18,476 --> 00:57:22,605
Ito pala ang scramble sa Laguna."
Di ba? Mga gano'n. Natutuwa ka.

1071
00:57:23,148 --> 00:57:25,567
Di ba? Tapos paborito ko do'n,
magbasa ng missalette.

1072
00:57:26,067 --> 00:57:28,570
Di ba? Stations of the Cross.

1073
00:57:28,653 --> 00:57:31,823
'No? Paborito ko talaga 'yon.
Tapos pinagbawalan ako ng nanay ko

1074
00:57:32,574 --> 00:57:35,118
kasi nilalagyan ko daw ng mga "boses…"

1075
00:57:35,201 --> 00:57:37,745
- [tawanan]
- …'yong mga character.

1076
00:57:40,457 --> 00:57:42,041
Pero, di ba, ako ba 'yong mali?

1077
00:57:42,750 --> 00:57:43,585
Ako ba ang mali?

1078
00:57:43,668 --> 00:57:47,922
So dapat parehas 'yong boses
ni Pontius Pilate saka ni Mary Magdalene?

1079
00:57:48,673 --> 00:57:52,719
'Yon 'yong tama?
One monotonous voice lang the whole time?

1080
00:57:52,802 --> 00:57:55,013
Ha? Hindi puwedeng gawan ng, alam mo 'yon…

1081
00:57:55,096 --> 00:57:58,475
Dahil ako ang mali,
dahil binibigyan ko ng motivation?

1082
00:57:59,184 --> 00:58:01,978
Di ba? And… And background story

1083
00:58:02,687 --> 00:58:06,941
'yong mga boses ng characters ko
that I lived? Di ba? I'm an actor, pare.

1084
00:58:08,067 --> 00:58:09,986
I'm a performer. I'm an artist. Di ba?

1085
00:58:10,069 --> 00:58:12,030
Binigay sa 'kin ni God 'tong talent na 'to

1086
00:58:12,113 --> 00:58:14,491
tapos bawal kong gamitin
to show my love for…

1087
00:58:14,574 --> 00:58:17,827
Di ba ang weird? Di ba?
Bakit di puwedeng ipagawa sa 'kin 'to?

1088
00:58:17,911 --> 00:58:19,871
Kaya no'ng huli naming Visita Iglesia,

1089
00:58:20,914 --> 00:58:23,500
sabi ko sa mom ko,
"Ma, please, isang station lang."

1090
00:58:23,583 --> 00:58:24,417
[tawanan]

1091
00:58:25,919 --> 00:58:29,047
"Please, one station lang, please.
Isang station lang, please.

1092
00:58:29,130 --> 00:58:30,340
My god, isa lang."

1093
00:58:30,423 --> 00:58:34,302
Sabi niya, "Sige. Pero pag ginawa mo
'yang boses-boses na 'yan…"

1094
00:58:34,385 --> 00:58:36,763
- [tawanan]
- "…gugupitin ko 'yang bayag mo."

1095
00:58:36,846 --> 00:58:38,848
- [tawanan]
- Yeah, gano'n nanay ko.

1096
00:58:38,932 --> 00:58:41,059
Sinabi niya 'yon sa akin
sa simbahan, pare.

1097
00:58:41,142 --> 00:58:44,312
- [tawanan]
- Sobrang wild. Oo. Di ba?

1098
00:58:44,395 --> 00:58:47,690
So binigay niya sa 'kin
'yong missalette. Station 11, pare.

1099
00:58:48,316 --> 00:58:50,276
- Good station. Solid station.
- [tawanan]

1100
00:58:51,361 --> 00:58:55,865
Jesus was crucified on the cross
between two thieves. Tatlong characters.

1101
00:58:55,949 --> 00:58:57,075
- Hmm…
- [tawanan]

1102
00:58:58,701 --> 00:59:00,954
- Sabi ko, "I can work with this, pare."
- [tawanan]

1103
00:59:01,037 --> 00:59:03,790
Iniisip ko, "Shit, gagawin ko ba 'to?
Magbabasa lang ba 'ko?

1104
00:59:03,873 --> 00:59:08,461
Or do I do what I am put
in the world for, pare?" Di ba?

1105
00:59:09,337 --> 00:59:11,089
So nakita ko…

1106
00:59:11,172 --> 00:59:17,387
No'ng, finally, nagkaro'n na
ng time na ako na, di ba? Tapos nakita ko,

1107
00:59:18,096 --> 00:59:23,309
"Pinako si Hesus sa pagitan
ng dalawang kawatan

1108
00:59:23,810 --> 00:59:25,728
at sinabi ng isang kawatan…"

1109
00:59:27,814 --> 00:59:28,648
[tawanan]

1110
00:59:34,862 --> 00:59:40,034
"Di ba ikaw ang Hesukristo?

1111
00:59:41,536 --> 00:59:44,455
Bakit hindi mo gamitin
ang iyong kapangyarihan

1112
00:59:46,291 --> 00:59:48,585
at ibaba tayo dito?"

1113
00:59:49,419 --> 00:59:51,379
- "Tumahimik ka!"
- [tawanan]

1114
00:59:52,839 --> 00:59:54,132
"Tumahimik ka!"

1115
00:59:55,466 --> 00:59:57,677
By this time,
'yong nanay ko nasa ibang pamilya na.

1116
00:59:57,760 --> 00:59:58,595
[tawanan]

1117
00:59:59,137 --> 01:00:04,267
Nasa station three na siya ulit.
"Putang inang bata 'to. Walang kuwenta."

1118
01:00:04,350 --> 01:00:06,644
- Inulit niya 'yong station ulit.
- [hiyawan]

1119
01:00:06,728 --> 01:00:09,814
Di ba? "Tumahimik ka!

1120
01:00:12,150 --> 01:00:12,984
Siya…

1121
01:00:14,527 --> 01:00:18,364
Siya, inosente lamang.
Tayo, tunay na kawatan.

1122
01:00:18,448 --> 01:00:20,533
Inosente lamang siya." [umubo]

1123
01:00:21,075 --> 01:00:21,909
[tawanan]

1124
01:00:23,620 --> 01:00:24,454
[umubo]

1125
01:00:25,955 --> 01:00:27,290
"Hesus!" [umubo]

1126
01:00:29,709 --> 01:00:32,962
"Tandaan mo ang pangalan ko
pagdating mo sa Paradiso."

1127
01:00:35,298 --> 01:00:36,966
[tawanan, hiyawan, at palakpakan]

1128
01:00:49,020 --> 01:00:50,938
- "Yeah. Mabuhay, bro. Like…"
- [tawanan]

1129
01:00:51,481 --> 01:00:53,024
- [palakpakan]
- "I won't forget you, bro."

1130
01:00:53,107 --> 01:00:55,860
- Anyways, thanks so much, guys!
- [hiyawan at palakpakan]

1131
01:00:58,404 --> 01:01:01,074
- Fight for your dreams, pare!
- [hiyawan at palakpakan]

1132
01:01:02,325 --> 01:01:04,077
[tumutugtog ang "Mabuhay Is A Lie"]