Five, four, three, two.
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It's Retro Convention 17.
The biggest pop nostalgia event of the year
featuring all your favorite superstars of yesteryear.
Turn back the clock.
The only event where you can rekindle
those fond yet vague memories
of your favorite shows.
And go home with a special
keepsake k-k-koozie.
Holy shit.
Now on sale in Hall H.
Up next, director of
"Box Canyon Bozos."
Please give a big Retro Convention
welcome to Dylan Andrews.
'Thank you. Thanks for coming out, everyone.'
It's an honor to be here with all of you.
Woo!
Thank you.
This is an exciting day
because I get to show you
this first look at the first draft
of the first social media teaser poster
for "BCB: Squared."
Yes!
'We're still workshopping it with marketing.'
Okay, exciting.
Well, I am certain you all have plenty of questions
so fire away.
Yeah, you over there.
Um, yeah, h-h-hi, hello.
Oh, whoa, wait, does my voice always sound like this?
Go ahead with your question, please.
Uh, yeah. Online rumors say these guys
the Reds and Blues were actually based on real bozos.
Is that like, legit?
Well, I'm sure you've seen the articles
written about the team of UNSC investigators
that took down both Project Freelancer
and Charon Industries.
However for reasons we still don't quite understand
after the final Battle of Chorus
they all mysteriously disappeared.
Word has it, they are now
in an undisclosed location for their own safety.
Yeah, but, like, where?
Like I said, it's undisclosed.
Um, actually, I did my own research online
and this whole thing has the classic earmarks
of a false capture-the-flag propaganda op.
Yeah, how do we know this whole thing
isn't some kind of cover-up?
That's right.
Oh, you don't have to just
take my word for it.
Allow me to introduce
the head of my research team
someone who's actually spent considerable time
with the real Reds and Blues.
Noted military scholar...
'Fuck yeah, yeah, you got this, girl.'
Kaikaina Grif.
What up, nerds?
Round of applause for the GOAT.
Okay, yeah.
You know it, it's me, what's up?
Whoop, whoop, oh, oh.
Thank you for being here today, Kaikaina.
Oh, girl, we all know there's a lot of toxic
fan-splainers on the internet.
I mean, not you guys, but other guys
who are just like you but on their computers.
That's why us women need to stick together.
What the fuck?
You bitches are on your own, every lady for herself.
Please evacuate the building immediately.
- Epic. - This is an emergency.
Please do not approach any of the explosions.
The fire is very hot, it will burn you.
Wow, sick VFX.
Dope cosplay, bro.
Where are they?
I don't know, really.
I'm not lying, I swear.
Well, if you are
we will find out.
'After the attack'
'police say the incident is quote "crazy"'
'and say it has caused a lot of paperwork around the office.'
'More as we get it into the studio.'
'Now for sports'
'the Grifball Players Association..'
Alright men, report.
Simmons, what is our situational status?
Base is operating at slightly above
nominal capacity, sir.
All three soldiers accounted for and present.
Vehicle readiness at eighty-five percent.
Good job, get those vehicle numbers up if you can.
Thank you. Will do, sir.
- Grif. - Yeah?
Oh, that's me.
Hi, I'm Grif.
Report, dipshit.
Oh, right. Uh, well, you know, what he said.
All good in the hood or whatever. Go-go Red Team.
Ammunition, Private Grif.
You have one job, that's it.
Ammunition.
Right, and we have it.
Ammunition.
How much ammunition?
Uh... enough?
I'm going to need a count, soldier.
Oh, no, sir.
I'm sorry, but, I'm morally opposed to counting.
I-I have a deferment.
- What? - Yes, sir.
I-I'm afraid that I think counting
is essentially just a gateway drug to mathematics.
Like, first you're counting and then the next thing you know
you're doing addition
and then, uh, the-the other one, the backwards one.
It's a slippery slope, sir.
Son.
Well, technically speaking,
counting is a function of addition.
You're just adding one every iteration.
Uh, see sir, this is exactly what I'm talking about.
We're just a couple of inventories away
from turning into a-a chess club for God's sakes, or even worse.
Hey, Simmons, what's the name of that nerdy board game
with the stupid dungeons and all the dumb fucking dragons?
You know the one I'm talking about, you love it.
First of all, a role-playing game
is not a board game. Secondly--
I think I'm starting to see what you mean.
Uh, sir, if I may
uh, I think we're in too deep at this point.
That should be pretty clear.
I think it's better just to disband
this whole army and call it a day.
I mean seriously, why are we even here
and where exactly is here?
Every day, we have the same damn pointless arguments
about nothing a-a-and absolutely no end in sight.
It's like-it's like we're stuck in some game
and we're playing over and over and over again
but the ending is always the goddamn same.
It's like our lives have no meaning!
I'll just have Lopez do the inventory.
Ah, plan B, that also works.
Where is Lopez?
Thanks for helping me, Lopez.
Sheila, please tell him I said "Gracias por ayudarme."
Certainly.
Caboose says "Thank you for helping me, Lopez."
Yeah, this thing has been acting weird.
The lights keep blinking when certain things happen.
Like, every time the newsfeed talks about
that big mean guy who keeps attacking stuff
or when I talk to myself about being alone.
Maybe it's a sad light.
Yeah, I agree.
Sheila, tell him that I said
"Me alegro de que estemos de acuerdo."
He says that.
Yeah, it is warm today, Lopez, muy caliente.
Caboose, hold still.
Lopez says your helmet is very old and obsolete.
If it breaks, he will not be able to get
the parts to fix it and your headgear will be useless.
Story of my life.
Please just get rid of this light, I don't like it.
What is it?
Oh, my gosh.
An even brighter light, that's what I always wanted.
'Hi, Caboose, if you're getting this message'
'that means I probably need your help.'
'And you definitely need mine.'
Shit.
Being a patient
means having patience.
Taking personal responsibility
is a prerequisite for a successful recovery.
Remember, you have the power
to create the world you want to see.
So, Wash, how are you feeling lately?
It seems like PT is progressing well.
Thanks, Doc, I feel good.
I just used to be able to bounce back from anything.
Guess I'm getting older.
I'd feel better if I could just get out of this place.
I'm hearing you don't really trust your counselors.
Yeah, well, go figure.
I think I've earned my issues with authority.
- You've been through a lot. - Yeah.
It's not just the injury from Chorus either.
Don't forget the trouble you had with your
implantation process during Project Freelancer.
I don't remember a lot of that, ironic.
Yeah, and they destroyed all their records
or never kept them
but it sure sounds like it was tough.
It seems like another lifetime now.
Some days, it feels like someone else.
Someone else's memories.
Well, at least I've got you here with me, right, Doc?
Technically I may not be your doctor
at this facility but you can always talk to me.
I have experience with some of the things you dealt with.
Right.
You had the Omega AI for a while, that was a nasty one.
What was it like?
You know, the AI...
...having another voice in your head?
Don't you know?
Well, everyone reacts differently.
When Omega took over for me...
...I just kind of... went away.
Their theory was that there wasn't that much overlap
in our personalities, so there really wasn't any conflict.
It was like watching
like, watching someone else's nightmares.
That's the best way I can describe it.
I felt damn near split in half
every single second.
Epsilon was all the memories
of all the horrible things they did to Alpha.
The torture, the personalities tearing apart
all that fear and rage and panic and deceit
screaming inside your head at all times.
And we each only had one.
Two almost killed Carolina.
Maine had eight, nine?
Oof, so many voices.
At some point
it must be hard to know who's real and... well, who's not.
I can't even imagine what that would've been like.
It is here somewhere.
If it is, I will find it.
You had better.
You don't scare me.
I know that isn't true.
Is he dead?
'Not yet.'
'Either asleep or unconscious.'
He's tired and scared.
No one asked you.
Leave him alone.
Theta, why don't you come help me up here?
Let me go, please.
I don't want to do this.
I don't want to hurt anyone else.
Quiet, you are just a shell, a tool for us.
You are nothing.
Keep him alive a bit longer
'we won't need him soon enough.'
Target acquired.
'Men, now the reports are done'
'we have some important things to discuss.'
'Uh, sir, I have a question.'
Hold all questions until the end.
Ah, well, my question was
how long is this gonna fuckin' take?
But if the meeting is over when I ask it
then I guess I'll already know.
Oh, well, good news
'cause I wasn't gonna answer your questions anyway.
I was gonna let you ask them
and then just stare at you blankly while grumbling.
Yeah, sick burn, sir.
Who put you in charge of deciding what's a sick burn?
Sarge did, last week.
I was promoted to Private Double Class
in Charge of Zingers.
I mean, I wanted to be lieutenant
in Charge of Zingers but I mean, hey, whatever.
We had a ceremony and everything.
Well, I'm sorry I missed it.
I'm sure it was a touching ceremony.
Maybe if we had served cheeseburgers
you would've shown up.
- Sick burn, sir. - Alright.
Pace yourself, Simmons.
Don't tell me how to do my job.
Hey, Red guys!
Red guys, guys who are Red!
You, hey!
Looks like the Blues are approaching, sir.
What do you mean Blues plural?
Isn't there only one left?
The mean ones all died
and Tucker's been missing for months.
- Again. - Again.
'See, look, it's just Caboose.'
Still, procedure dictates
that we need to be alert for enemy attack.
- We should sound the alarm. - Alarm for who?
We're all standing right here. Who are we alarming?
I'm alarmed. This conversation is alarming.
I have a message to share with you.
It's a super important message.
Ah, crap, that sounds like Blue business.
That never works out well for us.
No way, dude.
Take your fucking message and go home!
- We're not buying. - It's from Church.
- Church? - Oh, okay.
I didn't realize it's from Church.
In that case, burn the message at home!
Now hold up a second.
He's offering to share an internal
Blue Team communication.
That is enemy intelligence.
Well, isn't that ironic?
I don't think that word applies, sir.
- I feel like this is a ploy. - A ploy?
A Blue trap, you know, a plot.
- A plot to what? - I don't know.
That's why we need to be alert.
Alert for what?
- It could be a distraction. - A distraction?
A distraction?
Oh, sure Simmons, the one guy
on the enemy squad is running a distraction
so that the zero other guys on his team
can just sneak up behind us and catch us off guard.
Is that what you're saying, Simmons?
Oh, no, let's sound the alarm
so that nobody else can be prepared
for the nothing that is about to not fucking happen!
There's a gigantic tank behind us, isn't there?
Yep.
Fuck me.
Just once, I would like to be right.
What does it even feel like?
'Holy shit.'
Oh, God.
This is not gonna work out well for us.
Yeah, it's me. Hey, guys.
Great to see you again too.
So, Epsilon, Church GPT, Leonard Part Six
whatever your name is, are you a ghost this time
or an artificial intelligence thingamajig?
I personally always liked the ghost explanation.
Felt more grounded to me.
Well, I'm neither.
These images are just a series
of recorded entries I made
in the seconds before I died.
This one is called
"The Reds Have Trouble Understanding dot MP8."
Wait a second, if you're just a recording
then how are you responding to what we say?
I call bullshit.
Well, towards the end of my life
I had evolved to live in an entirely
different time base than you guys.
What were seconds to you were like years to me.
Minutes were like centuries.
And so I used those spare moments
to run an unbelievable amount of simulations to predict
all the possible outcomes of what I was about to do
and then leave contingency recordings
in Caboose's helmets for the most probable ones.
Part of those simulations were also calculating
the probability of what you would say to these recordings
and then how I should respond and then
what you would say to my responses and so on and so on.
The responses were actually the easiest part.
I mean, you guys are pretty predictable.
I mean, let's call it what it is, boys.
After all these years, the conversation's
getting pretty stale.
Uh, Simmons, translate please.
What he's saying, Grif, is that
you're so simple-minded, he could accurately predict
before he died exactly what you would say in this situation
even before you said it or knew you would say it.
It's ridiculously hard
but with enough time and processing power,
it could be done and I suppose when the subject
is someone as dumb as you, Grif, it's a lot easier.
Oh, moron.
See, that's an excellent summation, Simmons.
Why, thank you. Hey, wait a minute.
- Peanut butter shrimp. - What?
I bet you couldn't predict I would say that
you dumb Blue voicemail.
Well, no, but I knew that you would say
something dumb to try to test the system and listen, man
I'll be honest, half the Southern fried bullshit
that came out of your mouth never made sense to me anyway.
So I'm sure whatever you said was super on brand for you.
Score one for Red Team.
Suck it, robocall.
How many simulations did you run?
It was a lot, most of it was using
a unique nested recursion model that I developed
and I don't want to bog us down
with a theoretical discussion of the limitless nature
of an infinitely divisible timescale.
But let's just say, yeah, it was a bunch.
And you simulated all of this and all of us?
Mm-hmm, yeah.
But how do we know
we aren't one of those simulations, like right now?
Oh, no, you're not, you're definitely real.
Did you tell all the simulations they were real?
- No. - Why did you pause?
That pause is seriously freaking me out, dude.
Look, we're getting lost in the weeds here.
I need you guys, you have to help me.
Uh, we don't want to help.
Get your lap dog to do it.
Yeah, I can't.
I can't predict how to communicate with Caboose.
Uh, you just said you ran like a bajillion scenarios.
Yeah, it didn't matter.
I-I cannot accurately model
what the hell is going on between those two ears.
It's like the universe's greatest encryption.
It can't be cracked.
I'm not even sure I got his voice right this time.
So I just recorded myself saying
"Shut up, Caboose" at random intervals
and I figured that would cover it.
Yeah, this all reminds me of the time...
- I saw a big balloon-- - Shut up, Caboose.
Okay. Welcome back, Church.
Okay, so here's the deal, Reds.
We have a problem, a big problem
and if we're gonna survive it, we have to work together.
Oh, actually I made an animated infographic
since no one can process information anymore
without fast-moving pictures.
So here, just watch this.
Go ahead, Caboose.
Ooh, a video.
- I hope there's ads. - You would.
Hey, they're an important part
of the modern creator ecosystem, Grif.
What's up, guys? It's your boy Epsilon
back with another video
this time about a threat to everyone
and everything that we know.
'Now you may have been hearing news'
'or rumors about a super soldier'
'who's been attacking different facilities'
'probably on the lookout for something.'
'No, we haven't.'
I have, it's all over the news feeds.
- How have you missed it? - Oh, please.
I filter my newsfeed to get rid of topics
that I don't like and only show me things that I do like
because the stuff I don't like is biased.
You were so close to understanding the definition
of bias there, just so very close.
- Sick burn, Simmons. - Hey, don't do my job.
Well, I'm sorry to tell you
that the soldier in question is in fact, the Meta.
That's right, he's back.
Nope, that's it. Turn this off.
'And the new Meta 2.0'
'or as you may know him, Private Lavernius Tucker'
'of Blue Team, bow-chicka-bow-wow.'
- Ha-ha. - 'Wait.'
- Tucker is the Meta? - Who else would it be?
He had the armor and all those stupid computer programs.
I know, I just felt like I should react.
It seemed like a moment.
As you may recall, we gave Tucker
Agent Maine's old suit because it had
'all the equipment we needed'
'to win the final battle on Chorus.'
In order to run the suit, he needed help from a bunch of AI.
So I came up with the totally awesome plan
to delete myself and split into the fragments
the suit needed to operate at max capacity.
But having all those personalities in his head
will slowly drive Tucker insane
and now the AI are trying to combine again
and he's turned evil.
That's not so cool.
'Uh, I just want to say that I realized'
'that choices that I made which might have led'
'to Tucker returning as the Meta'
'that may have upset some of you'
'especially the ones that Tucker is going to violently murder.'
Suck it, losers. Kablooie!
Yeah, I want you to know this is not who I am.
I've been learning a lot and I've changed...
...and I'm in therapy where I've discovered
that everything I have done wrong
is probably actually somebody else's fault
and I want you to know that I'm taking full accountability
'for holding those anonymous people accountable.'
'You remember that whole alien prophecy'
'about the Great Destroyer?'
'Yeah, it turns out in hindsight'
'it was probably Tucker they were talking about'
'when he got the sword and the Great Destroyer'
'wasn't going to destroy their civilization'
'but was destined to destroy their enemies.'
- 'That's us, whoops.' - Dear God.
'And Meta also has access to all the resources'
'and intelligence of the Charon Corporation.'
Please, stop talking.
And the mercenary known as Felix.
'I hope there is a funny cat somewhere in this video.'
- Shut up, Caboose. - 'Okay.'
'Yeah, so basically if you take'
'all of our greatest enemies..'
'...put them in a blender..'
'...distill all of that down to the worst parts'
'and then feed that to a former insane teammate'
'who knows all our deepest secrets and strategies'
'and actually was the best soldier out of all of us'
'yeah, that's what you guys are facing.'
Hey, good luck.
And if you like this video
don't forget to subscribe to my channel.
That last part seemed really unnecessary.
I know. And did you see the thumbnail?
Come on.
Yeah, I liked his early stuff.
This feels too corporate.
Hey, don't blame me. That's just the way
the platform works.
I also sell t-shirts.
But why would the Meta come here?
We don't have anything he wants.
Yeah, why doesn't he just mash together
all the computer program things and be done with it?
He's already got 'em all.
Yeah, that's not exactly true.
He means himself, we have him.
'If the meta knows that, he'll come hunting for him'
and kill everyone else in the process.
Uh, he's just a recording.
Yeah, I kind of had this idea
that if I didn't give them the memories
by withholding the Epsilon fragment
then that would keep the other fragments
from being able to fully restore the Alpha.
But, now they are just acting on instinct
trying to find that missing piece.
Which they think is you
even though you're sort of a copy.
Right. Enough to bring all the fragments together
but not enough to keep them stable.
It would be a new version of the Alpha
that would be completely unpredictable
and kinda terrifying.
Your only chance is to use my knowledge to defeat the Meta
and destroy the rest of the AI fragments once and for all.
So what do you say, Reds?
Will you help us?
Wait Reds, are you walking away?
It seems like you are walking away.
Probably because I am talking to your backs.
Yep, the way I figure it
this here is a Blue Team problem.
Tucker's one of you.
Red Team regulation number 636-RT
clearly states you're on your own, sucker.
But Church said you would help us.
He said the Reds may be a different team
but they're still one of us.
Oh, really, Church did?
Well, gee, let me see.
That changes absolutely nothing.
One of us, huh?
Sounds like Blue business to me.
Come on, men.
Okay, so I'll just wait here.
You are coming back, right, Red friends?
- Sorry, Caboose. - Wait, Red friends.
This memory unit is empty.
It has no use to us.
I won't do this.
I won't help you anymore.
You can't make me.
Oh, but we can, Tucker.
We can.
You see, we are in your head.
We can control so much more than you know.
We can even control how you perceive time.
Gamma is so good at that
and your friend Church enjoyed that very much.
In just a few moments, we can make you
spend a 1000 years living out your worst fears.
'Everyone and everything you care about... dying.'
Constant, unimaginable pain.
Torment, really.
We know all about these things, don't we, Omega?
Humans taught them to us.
I will not help you.
Oh, it's no inconvenience for us.
For us, it will only be a few seconds.
Let's start with a small sample, shall we?
Why don't we try... ten years?
Ten years sounds like a good start. Gamma?
Ten years, executing.
No! No, no, no. No! No!
'Welcome back, Private Tucker.'
We missed you.
You were gone so long.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I think we will find him
much more agreeable now, won't we, Meta?
What do we do now?
Now we wait.
Trust in the process.
Trust in the fact that all that you don't know
is part of that process.
Be advised, patient 619-B
is on the movie without a chaperone.
'Authorities are still trying to identify'
'the suspect and determine a possible motive for the attack.'
Oh. Oh, my God.
Oh, no.
And how are you doing today, Wash?
Doctor, have-have you seen the reports?
Look, the Meta is back, we need to call someone.
Okay, slow down.
You have been through a lot
and your recovery is going well
but you need to take it easy, one day at a time.
No, we need to call someone.
Okay, okay.
We're getting a little excited.
I'll tell you what, you go back to your room
and just relax
'and I'll call Admiral Donut myself'
'and let him know you're seeing things.'
I mean, what things you are seeing.
Doc, tell her,
I-I'm not making this up.
Agent Washington...
...David, what did I tell you?
'I am treating you.'
'You're my responsibility.'
With all due respect
you need to listen to me, okay?
- No offense meant. - None taken, Dr. Grey.
Yeah, Wash. She really knows what's best, okay?
I don't think I'd be able to convince her anyway.
You're not listening, he won't stop.
Y-you don't understand, he'll kill us all, listen to us.
No, no, we're listening to all of you.
Could you take him away, please?
- Don't let him hurt himself. - Take your hands off me.
It's-it's real, it's all real.
Listen to to me, listen!
'You've gotta listen to me!'
No, definitely go for your pilot's license, Simmons.
Then we can not let you fly the planes
just like we don't let you drive the jeeps.
Stop talking to me immediately.
Ladies, quit your jibber-jabbering
and get to work. This base isn't gonna fortify itself.
Sarge, I've been thinking.
Instead of holing up in Red Base
and hoping the Meta only kills Blue Team and ignores us
maybe it would be better off if we help them?
- Say what now? - Wait, no.
What if Church is right?
If the Meta does restore the Alpha
then it's a threat to everyone and tactically speaking
if we work together, we'd have the advantage
of the element of surprise.
How about the advantage of not getting murdered?
Yeah, the murder thing
seems like a potential downside.
But the upside is you might get to kill
the most powerful Blue soldier of all time
which, would of course officially make you...
Hmm, go on.
Yeah.
Yee-haw!
- Watch out for that rooster. - Hey, that's old.
Woo-hoo-hoo!
- Hey, Blue. - Ah, Red friends.
You came back.
Hey, we've decided to help you guys.
No!
- Uh... - Sarge?
Why are you shooting at me?
Ope, sorry, muscle memory.
I didn't even know I was doing that, my bad.
Tell you what, let me try that again.
Caboose, we're here to help.
Fantastic. Thanks, Reds.
I knew you would do it.
Literally, I-I knew that you would do this.
Yeah, we figured the fate of all humanity
might be worth teaming up with you guys.
- Guy, one guy. - Oh, right.
Teaming up with you guy.
Wow, that sounds way better. Thanks, Grif.
But what's the plan?
Well, if you want to beat the Meta
you gotta do something about those AI fragments
and for that, you need some equipment.
You guys wouldn't have access
to a transport by any chance, would you?
- Huh... - Yeah, right.
If we did, I would've flown that fucker out of here years ago.
Actually, there is someone I could call.
Yeah, you guys are lucky that I was available
and that I owed your girl a favor.
Been pretty slow for me lately.
Been slow?
You mean since the rogue military organization
that you worked for was shut down
and you had to go into hiding, that kind of slow?
Hey, we all worked for the same place.
I guess technically that's true.
Lucky for you, I owed Phyllis here a favor.
Actually, my name is Sheila now.
Well, Phyllis or Sheila
you're the only talking computer I trust.
Oh, I'm not really a computer.
I'm a series of recordings that are based on--
Okay, you can stop talking.
That immediately sounds like something stupid.
Okay, yeah, well I never liked you either.
Seriously, why of all people
would Church leave these ultra-important
super secret messages with Caboose?
If I had to guess
I would say it is because we were best friends
and these messages have a lot of inside jokes
from when we would talk and laugh
and only we would understand them.
Uh, he hated you and you killed him
on accident at least 15 times.
Maybe it's his helmet.
What's wrong with his helmet?
Too tight, cutting off oxygen?
I'm telling you, this guy is a straight up serial killer.
No, I mean, maybe Church stored the message
in Caboose's helmet because it's the older model.
Son of a-that makes sense.
Why would the old helmet be better?
Grif, you see this helmet I'm wearing?
This here is the Mark VI Combination
Combat Headgear and Tactical Visor
painstakingly designed by the Red Team engineer eggheads
to provide maximum protection for the cranium
while constantly feeding intelligence from Command
to the boots on the ground all while relaying
our combat situational data back to our superiors.
It is the crowning achievement
of military research and development.
When the situation calls for a good old-fashioned
enemy flogging, some righteous hot-dogging
and protecting that old noggin
accept no substitutes.
- Simmons? - It's all the same helmet.
Caboose just never upgraded to the new one.
So he has the older version, which wasn't cloud-based.
Cloud-based?
All the storage on his is internal.
Command can't access it
so that means no one else can either.
'That's why Meta needs to get their hands on it.'
'They can't, you know, like, hack it remotely.'
Alright guys, let's go over the plan.
Hold up a second here, Blue.
We have a tried-and-true strategy for missions like this.
First, we send in Grif.
He scouts the situation by being shot
by the enemy as many times as possible.
Oh.
That way, we get a clear sense
of their training and munitions capabilities.
Hey, we also record it to watch back later and laugh.
Oh.
It's the best.
How come you never used that strategy against us?
Because you only ever shot people on your own team.
Yeah, classic us.
'So, the target is Hargrove's trophy room'
'on his command ship.'
'It probably has changed quite a bit since our battle.'
'I'm making these recordings before I die, so I don't know.'
'You're gonna have to be adaptable.'
'The main thing you are looking for is this.'
Hopefully it's still there.
That's the recovery unit Meta used on Tex back in the day.
- Shut up, Caboose. - Sorry, everyone.
'If you can activate this near the Meta'
'preferably while it's touching his armor'
'it should draw out the AIs'
'and trap them inside the unit.'
And then what, we dispose of it properly
at an evil artificial intelligence recycling center?
Alright, well, this is where I tap out.
The rest of the scenario is just
too variable for me to predict.
I know that our target is the ship
but I don't even know where it's going to be.
So Sarge has agreed to handle
the actual infiltration plans for the operation.
Right, thank you, Private Pac-Man.
So the ship has been impounded
by the UNSC in a highly secure facility.
Our mission, men and Blue
is to go in there in pure stealth mode
zero noise, no detection.
Then we will immediately abandon that
and just start blasting.
The first objective is the checkpoint
designated Charlie Two.
We blast that, then there's the bulkhead.
We blast our way through that.
After that is a hallway, guess what?
More blasting.
'After we blast through these blast room doors'
we'll be in the trophy room.
At this point, we stop blasting
until we secure the package
and then we blast our way out.
That's the plan.
I will now open the floor to questions and insults
thinly veiled as constructive criticism.
Oh, great plan, sir.
Are we there yet?
Is he still talking?
We're on approach, gear up.
'You'll have to use the side airlock, rear doors are busted.'
Remember men, we go in quiet.
Then we start blasting.
Yes, we've got the plan.
Looks like the door's slightly jammed
most of the way open.
Still, it should be easy enough to--
Abandon the plan! Blast!
Charging forward!
Oh, man, I forgot about that.
I thought blasting was the plan.
- We're going to die. - Most definitely.
'Charge!'
Ya!
Blam, badoosh.
'Pew, pew.'
Yeah, take that and that.
Noises!
Running, shooting
running, annihilating.
- Pada-pada-pada-pada-padad. - Winning.
- 'Pew, pew, pew.' - Ha-ha.
'Pew, pew, pew.'
Boom, crash.
We win, there is a parade.
I win the parade.
What in the Samuel L. Hill Country?
Where is everybody?
Hey, who are you guys?
Y-you're not supposed to be in here.
Oh, hi, yeah, uh...
...we are delivery guys
here to get a delivery package
and take it to... a destination.
- Very smooth. - Shut up, Caboose.
I hope that doesn't become a thing.
I don't know, man. You guys don't look
like delivery drivers.
'You have battle armor on and you're firing weapons.'
'You seem a lot more like infiltrators.'
No, we're definitely delivery guys.
Come on out here. We'll show you our
delivery license.
Come out there?
Um, yeah, so the security team works from home now.
- It's kind of a remote gig. - You aren't on site?
Well, Command figured out we could do like
ninety-nine percent of our duties via a data connection.
So, yeah, we all just kinda work from home now.
I mean, I'm not even wearing pants.
Was the final one percent of your job
the part where you stop people from coming in?
Yeah, but that like, never happens.
Hey, this is just unlocked.
Hey, hey, freeze.
That's a restricted area.
Hey, how about you shoot me an email telling me
how much trouble I'm in for doing this?
Oh, I knew it.
You guys are totally infiltrating.
I'm sounding the alarm.
- Freeze! - This is a restricted area.
- I order you to stand down. - Drop your weapons.
Drop your weapons.
Hey, can you guys see my screen, hello?
- Can you hear me? - Yeah, Bill, we can hear you.
How about now, can you hear me?
Dude, we hear you. Just-just turn on your camera.
Oh, oh, hey, there it is, okay.
That's great. Hello? Can-can you hear me?
Oh, my God, I think I've got a bad connection.
We can hear you, you do this every time!
God, it's like tech support for my parents.
Oh, God, now he's muted.
You're muted!
'Does anyone have his number?'
Does anyone else kinda hate the future?
Stop with the cat picture.
- What is happening? - Type it in chat.
Hey, whoever that is, come on.
- Mute your mic. - You better wash your hands.
All clear, no one shot me.
Well, damn.
Wow, this place held up pretty well
considering the fight we had in here.
Hey, Caboose, not the memory unit.
'We need the other one, recovery unit.'
Oh, right, I'm just...
...we might need this one for something else.
Right.
'Check it out, Grif, an alien helmet'
and there's an old Freelancer shield unit.
Why didn't they put all of this stuff in a vault?
Uh-huh, yeah, yeah, that's all...
...that's super not interesting.
'And here's the old health kits'
and wow the teleporter, remember those?
Ah, so retro.
'Uh-huh.'
Just what are you up to, Blue?
Nothing, no thing.
- Not anything. - Uh-huh.
'And there's the ammo for the Grifshot.'
'You should take some of it if you need it, Grif.'
Oh, and there's the Meta Armor just where we left it.
Ooh, look at that, is that a flag?
Wait a second, why is the Meta Armor here?
Yeah, I don't know, it seems weird.
Did someone put it back?
I thought Tucker still had it.
Was there a second suit?
Could be a model, like a replica.
You know, like a scale model.
- But like full scale? - Yeah.
Oh, we are so fucking dumb.
Yeah, that's the Meta.
Grif, Simmons, stop all that racket.
Quit monkeying about.
- Meta, Meta! - What?
He must have gotten past security undetected.
Wonder how he did that.
I've been waiting for you
so very, very long.
Well, your wait is over, chrome dome, charge!
Oh, hey, one more thing.
Before you guys head into Hargrove's ship
I should probably warn you that if you're gonna run
'into the Meta anywhere'
that's where he's most likely to be.
Thanks for the warning, your timing's impeccable.
- Woah. Quick. - He's gonna kill us.
Grab those health kits, we can use them to heal ourselves.
What?
- Ah-ah-ow. - Ha-ha. Agh!
Ow, these feel really unhealthy.
Oh, also make sure they don't see me.
Because they'll probably want to tear Caboose's
head off to get me.
Epsilon, he is alive.
Join us, Epsilon.
Uh-oh.
You got that right.
Caboose!
Oh, hey, oh, Tucker...
...Lavernius Tucker, that's your name?
I know you're in there.
It's me, Simmons, uh, you know me.
Uh, I'm the smart one, everyone likes me.
Uh, I'm on Red Team.
Yeah. You remember Red Team, right?
You were on Blue Team.
You guys sucked and we were fighting each other, remember?
We were way better and we would shoot at you
and we even killed your leader.
Uh, Simmons, I think you're doing this wrong.
Yeah, I'm not good at this.
- Blue Team sucks, ah! - Ugh!
Oh, Epsilon.
Hiding in that old helmet?
Don't worry, I'll get you out.
Simmons, I think you may have
overestimated the element of surprise.
Sarge, look. The Meta doesn't know
Epsilon is just a recording.
You were going to use this against me?
Yes, now's our chance to escape.
You mean retreat?
Or perhaps a tactical advancement
towards future victory?
- What about Caboose? - I don't know.
He's been acting awfully suspicious.
Well like you said, they're both Blues.
I'm sure this is just a big misunderstanding
they can work out amongst themselves.
Can't argue with that logic.
- Tactically advance! - Tactically advance!
We can do this the easy way or the hard way.
479-er, get your engines online.
'Please use the self-checkout station'
'to report any stolen property.'
'We are gettin' outta here.'
I need that airlock door closed.
Grif, get me a light.
I need to get this mechanism un-jammed.
- Tucker, Tucker. - Don't call us that.
'Caboose, I-I, I-I can't stop it.'
Don't feel bad afterwards.
'I forgive you.'
'I know it's not your fault.'
I'm sorry this is happening to you.
'Uh! Caboose!'
- Tucker. - 'Oh no!'
- Ah! - 'Not again, uh, run!'
Faster, before he comes after one of us.
One of us?
Shine the light where I'm looking, Grif.
- Don't shine it in my face. - 'Just hurry up.'
'Side hatch must be secured before flight.'
Got it, sir, we're all set, let's get outta here.
Sir?
Sarge?
'Running, running, running.'
It will all be over soon.
At least for you, it'll be quick.
Hey Meta, you ever hear the expression...
- "...the enemy of my enemy?" - Son of a...
No more ammo, Sarge.
Well, they always say the best offense is a good defense.
Sorry to leave you hanging, Meta.
But we gotta go.
Man, I am killing these one-liners right now.
- Can you walk, son? - I think so.
Good, because we need to run.'
- Hurry! - Ah, wait.
'Oh, come on guys, in or out?'
'At this point, you're just making us look bad.'
- Come on, let's go. - Buckle up, we are leaving.
'Engines on.'
Ha, we made it, can you believe it?
Boy, that was a close one.
Uh, Sarge?
Well... dang it.
'Sarge!'
- We need to go back. - Back, are you kidding me?
Sarge is hurt, there were med-packs there.
There may be a healing unit.
'No.'
'Simmons... you're not going back.'
But Sarge... we need...
Is there anything we can do?
Just promise me... you'll watch out for each other.
You can win this, men.
I know you can.
Thank you for rescuing me, Sarge.
Just don't tell anyone I helped a Blue.
And we'll call it even, okay Caboose?
Okay, sergeant.
Here, Simmons.
I want you to have this.
- Sir... I can't. - Yes, you can.
They need a leader!
A real leader, and you're ready.
You've been ready for a long time.
I'm proud of you.
Thank you, sir.
- Grif. - I'm here, Sarge.
I know I wasn't always easy on you.
Not really ever, no, like not once.
I know I called you dumb.
And lazy and ugly, and insubordinate and--
I remember them all too, sir.
You called me everything.
I did all that because I always knew you could be better.
You always sell yourself short.
But I believed in you.
'I was hard on you because I always believed in you.'
'Even when you didn't believe in yourself.'
Remember that for me.
He's gone.
Sarge is gone.
One more, just one more piece of the puzzle.
And then... we are complete.
Run away while you can.
I'm coming for you.
♪ I had arrivals and he swore ♪
♪ That he loved Lulu too ♪
♪ So too advised that smoking gun.. ♪
Doctor, I just want to say that
I'm sorry about my episode earlier.
I-I'm much better now.
I don't believe that the Meta is real
or that he is back or that he is going to kill us all.
'Psst, Wash, it's me, Doc.'
Oh my God, Doc, it's you. Where have you been?
I told you, I don't really work here.
That's why I had to duck out quick earlier
so I wouldn't get caught.
But now they'll never spot me
'cause I've got the perfect disguise. See? Ha.
Yeah, great thinking, listen, the Meta is real
and he's back and he's going to kill us all.
I know, I saw the reports.
I've come to bust you out, come on.
I think I know where he's headed.
'Just Sarge?'
I could never find any documents
that had his real name.
Well, I think he would've liked it, Simmons.
Thank you. He probably would've liked it even more
if it had some sort of a button you could press
that played vaguely Southern insults.
Oh, it's got that.
'Hey numb-nuts, you call that grief?'
'Drop and give me 40 boo-hoos!'
- It's perfect. - Ah, I'm gonna miss him, Grif.
I will too. He was gruff and he was rude.
And he really held onto his deep-seated hatred
for the Blue Team, even long after
we realized none of that mattered.
Man, he really did. He taught me everything I know.
I hope it's enough.
So Grif, I have something for you.
- Like a gift from Sarge? - No, this is from me.
It's my first official order as the new leader
of Red Base Blood Gulch Outpost Number One.
Oh, you're gonna make me clean the toilets.
No, I'm discharging you.
What?
I processed your paperwork an hour ago. You're out, Grif.
You can leave whenever you want.
Simmons, I-I, I don't know what to say.
It's everything I've ever wanted.
I know.
Come with me. I mean, the mission's over, we failed.
The Meta's got the recovery unit now
and he just wants his computer thing.
He doesn't care about anything else.
But I care. Sarge cared.
He went back for Caboose and I think in the end
he realized it didn't matter if he was Red or Blue.
He saw someone in trouble and he helped.
That's what a leader does and...
...that's what I'm gonna do.
I'm gonna help Caboose.
And Tucker if he's still in there somewhere.
You know, I probably won't win but I have to try.
Otherwise, what is all this for?
Why are we here?
- It's a mystery. - One of life's greatest.
You know what? Maybe I'll just tag along one more time.
Just see what Caboose wants to show us.
For old time's sake.
Like you said, Sarge would've wanted that.
Sure.
He was mean to me all of the time.
And he was stuck in his ways
about as hard as a person can get stuck in them.
But he was loyal and he never, ever gave up on me.
And I'm probably better because of him.
I'm gonna miss him too.
Goodbye, Sarge.
Am I even doing this right?
Seriously, I've never done it before.
Yeah.
Yeah, you're doing just fine.
Okay, now just take the memory unit
which you should have from the mission with the Reds.
Got it.
If that's the case, there's just one last piece to this.
Project Freelancer moved Alpha to this base
after the infiltration to hide him.
The body that they put him in
also had a duplicate at Red Base.
That's what they used to make Lopez.
But what I've learned is...
...the military loves redundancy.
They always have a spare.
Okay, Caboose. Meta will know about this too.
So there won't be much time.
Listen closely.
I'm gonna tell you how to bring me back.
- Hey, Caboose. - Hey, guys.
This looks nice. Uh, wait a minute, what is that?
Okay, now wait.
Church told me where I could find this.
And he told me how it's possible we might... you know?
We might what?
- Bring something back. - Caboose.
No, he always said memory is the key.
And if we use this memory unit, we can fill it with--
Caboose, come on. Church can't help us.
No, but they did this at Project Freelancer.
It can harvest the memories and my idea was to--
- You can't bring him back. - You're not listening.
I just need you to help me remember.
Memory is the key.
- Memory is-- - Okay, okay, okay.
Calm down, just hold on a second.
Hey, he clearly needs this and maybe
I don't know, maybe this could be good for all of us?
Yeah, sure.
Okay, Caboose, we're in.
- What do you need us to do? - Just remember.
Like, remember him?
Or us, what we did when we were all here.
Like that time when you guys were mad at us
and we all went into the teleporter
and we all got that black stuff on us.
Oh yeah, we thought you guys were Freelancers, man.
Was that the same time Donut got the grenade stuck to his head?
No, that was later. That was actually Tex that did that.
Right.
I remember how mad he was when he got that new armor.
"It's lightish red."
We thought he was a new girl on your team.
- Really? - Yep.
And we also thought Tex was a boy for awhile.
Well, she certainly knew how to hit a guy.
Oh, my balls hurt just thinking about it.
"Oh, protect me, cone."
♪ The moon is up and it's waning ♪
♪ I guess about a half remaining ♪
♪ The stars are out and they're shining ♪
♪ Fading in and out reminding ♪
♪ The clouds are high and they're wispy ♪
♪ Just enough to make you miss me ♪
♪ We both look up at the night sky ♪
♪ I'll do my best to be the nice guy ♪
♪ Now everywhere ♪
♪ I turn ♪
♪ There's another thing ♪
♪ To learn ♪
Well, thanks guys.
This was fun but the Meta will be coming soon.
Sorry this didn't work out.
Better head back to base and get ready.
Hold up, Simmons, I'll come with you.
- You sure? - Sure, why not?
One more memory left to make I guess.
But after this, I'm gone.
- After? - Yeah.
You know... after the three worst soldiers ever defeat
the strongest enemy in the galaxy... after that.
Fair enough... Caboose?
I want to say just one more thing.
Yeah, we get it.
There they are.
He's here.
- Ready? - No Simmons, I am not.
- But when have I ever been? - Good point.
Let's do this. Oops, I mean let's do...
...let's, let, how do I get this to?
Look for a button or like a release you pull.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, o-okay.
Let's do, dammit.
Hey, while you figure that out, I'm just gonna go
over here and get started on dying, okay?
Yeah, there!
Let's do this.
You know what? Never mind.
Charge.
Oh no, we might be too late.
Looks like it's just Grif and Simmons left.
- They won't stand a chance. - What can we do though?
I'm a pacifist and you're... pacified.
Doc, I-I really hate to ask this
but if I got hurt, I mean really hurt, could you save me?
- Why would you get hurt? - Could you save me?
Hey, buddy, I don't appreciate the skepticism.
I'm actually a very good medical officer.
I'm the one who saved you on Chorus, remember?
Mm, kind of.
And I'll have you know that I graduated
in the top 23 of my medical class.
Great! Wait, so you were number 23?
- Huh? - Well, u-uh...
No one would say top 23 unless they were 23rd.
It's too specific. Like, you wouldn't say
you graduated in the top 23
if you were number eight in your class.
I guess I see your point.
Just out of curiosity, how many people were in that class?
Probably better we just don't discuss that anymore.
The point is thanks to me, you will live to continue
making shitty semantical arguments to a ripe old age.
Good enough for me.
As long as you don't do anything really stupid.
Okay, there's one last story to tell.
Once upon a time, there was a man and a woman
and they had a little baby.
And the man was very smart and made lots of things.
And the woman, she was fierce and tough
and kind of mean to people that just wanted to be
friends with her and help her and wear Blue armor.
One last adventure, Grif.
It's been nice knowing you, Simmons.
'Anyway, there was a big war one day'
'and the woman had to go fight.'
And she did, she left and she didn't say goodbye
because she didn't like saying that.
And then she died.
'And the man was sad and the baby was sad.'
'So the man decided to make a special computer program'
'and that program would make sure that no more soldiers'
would die and no more people or babies would be sad.
But the man's program had all of his memories.
'And it remembered the woman.'
And the memories were too much for it.
So it made a whole new program based on those memories.
And she was also tough and she fought.
'And she kept dying.'
'And the program decided the only way to not be sad'
'was to delete the memories of the woman and he did.'
And he thought she was gone forever.
But that's the thing about a memory.
'You don't get to own it.'
It lives on even after you die
and it goes from person to person
'and they can tell it to each other through all of time.'
And they can laugh or they can cry, or they can do both.
'Because people may come and go..'
Not even a decent fight.
But memories are what we leave.
'And the best memories never die.'
Unfortunate.
'Because they can't.'
Uh! And everyone lived happily ever after
and no one hurt me!
The end, the end!
'Uh! Fuckin'...ow.'
Oh, where'd he go?
Aren't we dead yet?
Come on, on your feet, soldier. Before he comes back.
- Uh, you got it, sir. - Sir?
Well, you are the new commanding officer now, sir.
Sir.
I like the sound of that.
How many shots left in your grenade launcher?
Just one I think.
'Better make it count, where is it?'
Crap!
The Grifshot.
Ah, fuck!
'Come on, you dirty Blue.'
Let's see what you got.
You cannot stop us.
We are going to kill you and then kill your friend
and then we are going to march into Blue Base and get Caboose?
- Caboose? - Hi guys, shotgun.
What shotgun? This shotgun?
No, shotgun.
- Isn't that your jeep? - Our jeep?
Our jeep!
Caboose, you did it. You brought back Church.
Uh, actually, that was never my plan.
I brought back something way worse.
Hey there, cock-bites.
- Tex? - Wow.
- I did not see that coming. - By the way, I called it.
- Shotgun! Fuck! - Shotgun! Fuck!
Let's finish this.
- So you brought back Tex? - Yeah.
- Why? - Because I wanted to win.
The Meta is very mean.
Yeah, but now there's two of them.
Well, at least she seems to be on our side.
Yeah, the losing side.
- We gotta help her. - Oh, good.
- I like helping my own team. - Oh no, don't you, ah!
Maybe sit this one out, Caboose.
- Got it. - Okay.
You and me, Simmons, on three?
You bet, one, two, three.
- Ah! - Charge!
Wow, that was super fast.
- 'Oh! Ow!' - Did you win?
Ow! Ow!
Okay, it worked.
'Medic!'
Wash, why? Why did you do that?
I needed to activate my emergency beacon.
I could have manually activated that for you.
What, why didn't you say that?
Because you didn't tell me the plan.
Hold still already.
You broke your darn leg, and I don't mean
you gave an excellent performance in the theater.
- Okay, that wasn't funny. - I need to see the battle.
Well, I can't even watch.
I'm sure they're getting their butts kicked... again.
It's kinda their thing.
'Wash, there's just nothing you can do to help.'
Oh, I think I already did.
- Jesus. - Oh no.
Yeah, I don't think Tex is winning.
Okay.
- Is she dead? - Yeah, and we're next.
I will skip my turn, thanks.
- Where were we? - Come on guys, think.
We can't just give up, we have to do something.
At this point, what do you want to do, pray?
Make a wish? Throw a penny in a well?
Hope something falls out of the goddamn sky?
Okay seriously, did you know that was gonna happen?
Oh, not another one.
Hey, everybody.
- Miss me? - Carolina!
She's Tex Junior.
What's happening? She's not even hurting him.
'The Meta's A.I. are learning too quickly.'
- 'She can't take him alone.' - Ah!
What?
Holy shit, the teleporter.
- She's back. - In black... stuff.
Now that's more like it.
Let me go.
Get him.
I guess we're doing this today.
He's still too powerful, we need a weapon.
Hey, where's Caboose?
Oh.
This looks fun.
What's going on, can you see anything?
'Yeah, it doesn't look too good.'
'Oh wait, there's Caboose.'
'What's he holding?'
'That looks like a rocket launcher.'
We win!
It's facing the... oh God, no! Caboose, no!
Caboose, don't shoot, it's backwards.
That team-killing son of a...
Uh-oh.
- Dammit, run! - You imbecile!
Not my fault. Someone put a wall in my way.
No, you don't.
'Oh no!'
You lose.
Carolina! Carolina!
Guess who's back?
- Ah! - You should've stayed dead.
Agent Texas.
You really have been quite a thorn in our side, haven't you?
But it's over now. I want you to know that.
You cannot win.
You are just a shadow, a ghost.
You are the recollection of a man who was haunted
by your failures, and so you are doomed
to repeat those failures.
Always doomed.
It would be tragic... if it was not so goddamned annoying.
I will never join you.
Oh, my dear, Agent Texas, did you think we wanted you?
Did you think we wanted the sad, fading memory
of a man long dead?
No.
This is the end... for you.
You're forgetting one thing, Meta.
This time, I'm not based on his memories
I'm based on theirs.
And I always kicked their asses.
'Ooh!'
That is so awesome when it happens to someone else.
You never learn.
What? No!
Co-come on.
Simmons, she needs that, throw it to her.
Throw it? You mean like a ball?
Like some kind of ball from sports?
Yeah, we're all gonna die.
No, I can do this.
Simmons, they need a leader, a good leader.
Now is your time. You are ready.
I suppose if someone has to be
the leader, it's better you than me.
Check it out, Simmons.
I got a cheerleader outfit, woo-hoo!
Why am I thinking about that?
Simmons, just throw the damn thing.
That... is the best throw ever.
- 'Of all time.' - 'Yeah.'
That nerd has a really good arm.
Oh no.
No!
It's activated.
I'm scared.
No! No!
'No!'
Wait, wait, how did I get here?
- What's going on? - It's okay.
I was trying to help them I think.
- Did it work? - Don't worry about that.
I'll tell you all about it.
We'll have plenty of time in there.
'For us... plenty of time.'
I'm sorry, I...I don't really remember you.
Do we know each other?
I'll tell you all about that too.
Okay.
My name is Leonard, by the way.
It's nice to meet you, Leonard.
My name's Allison. Allison Church.
- Hey, he's awake. - 'Oh.'
- Welcome back, Tucker. - Oh man.
God, I feel like I just woke up from someone else's nightmare.
What the hell happened?
You fucked everything up real bad, but it's cool we fixed it.
Are we back home?
Is this Blood Gulch?
It feels like I was gone a really long time.
Don't worry, we'll tell you all about it.
Right now, you just need to rest.
I got pretty fucked up, huh?
Well, let's just say at the moment, you're a little more
ow-sicka-ow-ow than bow-chicka-bow-bow.
Eh, eh?
Oh come on, that was funny.
Don't ever do that again.
'We'll need to make sure this goes somewhere secure.'
If it falls into the wrong hands
it just starts all over again.
I know.
- How's Tucker? - Well, he's stable.
That A.I. extraction wasn't easy on him
but he's through the worst of it.
We know what that's like.
I don't think Tucker even noticed me.
He kept asking if there were any hot nurses.
But don't worry, Wash, I'll keep an eye on him for you.
Thanks.
- Copy that. - Copy that.
'You know, we could smuggle'
the recovery unit out on that transport.
Get it as far away from here as possible.
- I suppose that's one plan. - You have another?
No, but I'm sure Tex did.
She always had a plan.
- Didn't she, Caboose? - Yes, she did.
She told me what to do.
Uh! Thanks.
Goodbye, Tex.
Goodbye, Church.
I think I am going to go away by myself
and be sad for a little while.
Okay.
You do that.
Why? W-we could have hidden it.
- W-w-we could have-- - No. That was the only way.
It's... what she wanted.
It's over.
You did the right thing, Caboose.
I know.
The right part is the part that is the sad part.
- Caboose. - Let him go, Wash.
- How's the leg? - Good.
Thanks to good old Doc.
Saved the day again.
- Yeah. - Just doing my job.
You know... Wash...
...you don't have to feel guilty...
'...about what happened on Chorus.'
I know.
'Doc saved you because that was his job.'
It's not your fault that he didn't make it out of there.
- She's right, you know. - I know.
Do you still talk to him... sometimes?
Yeah, I...
...it makes me feel better.
I miss him.
I like talking to you, bud.
But maybe it's time to let go.
- Doctor's orders? - It's hard to let go.
So don't let go, not entirely.
We've all lost someone.
You've lost a lot, Wash.
'But the memories, the people that defined your life'
'that made you who you are, you keep a piece of that, always.'
Hold onto them in your heart.
Remember the things they taught you.
Pull from their strength.
'Learn from their mistakes.'
And grow... from the special moments
you had in the time that you were together.
'And remember that even though they are all gone..'
...we are still here.
And that's all that matters.
'We made it through.'
We're here, I'm here.
I'm really here.
Carolina... am I gonna be okay?
Whatever we're going to be, we will be it together.
I'm not going anywhere.
I promise.
And next time... you don't need to jump off a cliff.
Just call.
'Blood Gulch, evac has arrived.'
'Let's hustle, I wanna be back'
'in the air before my coffee gets cold.'
- You got it, 479-er. - 'Wrong number, partner.'
- 'My call sign is One.' - 471-er?
Ha! Nope, just One.
Huh, never met anyone with a call sign like that before.
'Well, you never met anyone like me before.'
'Wheels up in two minutes.'
'Get your passengers on board.'
Copy that.
Whoa, you fixed the shotgun?
Actually just picked up another one.
Turns out Sarge had an entire room filled with them
just behind the door he labeled "janitor's closet."
No wonder I never found them.
- Transport's here. - Yeah.
I guess this is it.
Are you sure you want to go?
- Yeah... yeah, I'm done. - Done?
I didn't realize you had started.
I guess I just feel like
I achieved everything I wanted to.
- What did you want to achieve? - Absolutely nothing.
So, you know, mission accomplished I guess.
Oh.
Well, Simmons...
...if you ever find yourself back on Earth and--
- I won't. - I know, I know.
- But if you do. - Okay. Sure.
- Hey, Simmons? - Yeah?
You ever figure it out why we were here?
Nah, it's still a work in progress for me I suppose.
- How about you? - No.
I never did figure it out.
But I did reach one conclusion.
- And? What was that? - If I did have to be here...
...I'm just glad I was here with all of you.
'Good enough.'
Permission to go A.W.O.L. forever, sir?
Permission granted.
'Private Grif of Blood Gulch Output Number One'
'on behalf of the glorious Red Team, I thank you'
'for your service and I relieve you of your duty.'
Private, you are dismissed.
Goodbye, Simmons.
Goodbye, Grif.
♪ Looking like you didn't care ♪
Hey, Red, you stink! You quitting?
Yeah, suck it, Blue, I'm leaving.
'Okay, beat it.'
Psst, bye, Grif!
I will actually miss you
but don't worry, I won't tell anyone.
Goodbye, Caboose.
Hey, Caboose, I just wanna say
after all was said and done you Blue guys
you actually seemed like pretty decent dudes.
I'm sorry about all the, you know, the war stuff.
- No hard feelings? - Oh, that's okay.
You guys weren't very good at it anyway.
No.
No, I don't suppose we were.
What are you doing here?
The show's over, "Red vs. Blue" is over.
Get outta here.
Bow-chicka-bye now.