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- The Ivory Coast, Algeria, -
- China, Israel. We have it all. -
To visit four countries without any breaks, that's a lot.
We promised those trips to our sons-in-law.
- We'll check them out and that's it. - Exactly.
- This would not happen if our girls married guys from Tours. -
- Come on, Claude. -
- Asian company thought to be weak is now a target of agression. -
- There we go again. -
This country is getting dangerous for the Chinese.
No, no, no!
Karine, listen to me.
Tell Mrs. Zitouni no to call anymore. That's it!
I defended some woman in burqa. Now it is in my office all the time.
Burqa, burkini, state protection, that sounds like Madrasa in Pakistan.
- What? Are you not comfortable? - No, it's okay.
Again a drug dealer who has only two lines.
Look, he has no name, just 'a black man.'
Lazy French screenwriters!
Stop complaining! You have Omar Sy!
He is just a drop in an ocean. It's nothing compared to the others.
Aren't you tired of
playing victims... Everyone will be billionaire.
Oh, yes, the banker has spoken!
Exactly. We are swamped with all kinds of proposals.
The investors are fighting,
to be on our side.
Like who?
Who? That's not important.
- How so? - It's just a detail, Chao.
I'm asking myself, if you really are a banker.
I am not a banker, but I also worry. Do you remember? We all put 10,000 into Reubio.
I feel that you don't trust me.
If you don't feel motivated, say it right now. Do you want
to get rich or be poor bastards?
I see a bastard. Right across from me.
I am just joking, David.
Sure, we believe you.
Take care of Clovis.
Yes, mum. We'll treat him like a baby.
Are you going to post your photos on Facebook?
You have Facebook?
Sure, our priest installed it for me. I also
have Twitter and Amstramgram. Amstragram.
I am a second generation granny,
as you call it.
Are you okay, Segoléne?
I just got an offer for one of my paintings.
Well, that's wonderful!
Who could it ...Ehm.. Who is the lucky buyer?
A Chinese. From China.
He fell in love with one of my old canvases, which is on my site.
You know, the one with the hanged woman.
Yes! Of course, I get it, exactly.
That's one of my favourites.
I am going to tell Chao.
That is not neccessary,
he probably knows already.
He does?
Chao paid his cousin to support Sego morally.
It's true that they did not do well until the wintertime.
She was born depressed. I keep asking myself if it's your father's fault.
He took me to an exorcist,
when I was pregnant with her.
'Your mother is among us.'
- Stop it.... -"Do you want
to talk to her?"
You are frightening her.
I miss you, my sweetie.
- I miss you too, Viviane.
Can you see where I am?
Right here by the pool where we first met.
Oh
Kiss me.
Now?
Yes, now. Let's go.
Give me the computer. I need to talk to Verneuil.
If you sit there all day long,
you'll never find a husband.
Vivienne! Hello! Hello!
But wifi....Let wifi on...Oh!
Against malaria...
against diarrhea...
against mosquitos...
My father wants to talk to you on Skype.
If it's about the ham again, he'll see what he is getting.
The pregnancy make you so beautiful.
5 months and she put on quite a bit of weight.
It's going to be a giant.
Do you have a name yet?
No, we have not decided yet.
Well, I have one. Andre. Just like his grandfather.
What else do you want? No...
Will you come at 11 p.m.?
I told you so yesterday.
I hope you didn't forget my ham.
Well. Are you happy now?
I have to finish packing.
Marie! We'll miss the train to Roissy.
I'll take you to the station.
What a pleasure, Chao.
Once an ass-kisser, always an ass-kisser.
I'll accompany you.
Let's go. We have no time.
We don't have...Come on. Let's go.
Let's go. Shit! The ham!
The ham!
My father without the ham.... That would be the end of our holiday.
Oh no, not this, you bad dog!
- Verneuil!
- Verneuil! My ham!
I can't hear you very well, Kofi. There is some static.
- DEAR GOD? WHAT HAVE WE DONE AGAIN? SERIAL (BAD) WEDDINGS 2
4 weeks later
He is an hour late. I have a casting.
This quarter is not very
safe.
We are in the 16th district here. (*16h is one of the most prestigious parts of Paris)
There is a lot of aggression right here.
A dog eats
dog kind of world.
What the hell is going on?
No, I am a Wolf from the Wall Street.
Calm down, this is leased. It doesn't cost a penny.
It's not some sort of Uber.
Are you reading Donald Trump?
I assure you that I'm not into his way of thinking.
But as far as business, this is the 'best' from the 'best'. Like Harry Potter.
Come on, let's go.
Men, the HQ of Reubio.
Oh, wow!
There is even a videophone.
Because of security.
Is the rent expensive?
2000 Euros a month. For peanuts, really.
Expensive peanuts.
Oh! Let me introduce you to our assistant,
Gisele.
Yes.
She is from Brazil.
The work plan.
Neymar's cousin.
We'll have some seats for the PSG Guingamp match.
Aside from her ass,
can she do anything?
Buf of course. I wouldn't employ her otherwise.
She studied Economics
at a university in Guadalajara.
Second degree.
Isn't Guadalajara in Mexico?
Who cares about such details?
So, gentlemen...
I am opening the first
special meeting
the Reubio board!
Why special?
Don't worry about it. It's just a matter of speech. Let's work!
So, I give Reubio two years to become
a French leader in organic halal food,
5 years to conquer Europe.
And then...
We move on to Indonesia. Business with 200 milions of muslims.
200 milion? Yes. But we need to know the risks.
If someone wants to back out, do it now.
What do you mean by back out?
Well, to reverse action...Beep! Beep!
Beep! Beep!
Jump out, get over the hurdle. Please speak normally.
Stop confusing us. Do you think that we fainted because of the responsibility?
Good....
Everything is kind of wobbly.
Those investors don't have anything.
All is not lost though. I am in contact with one Greek bank.
- A Greek bank? - Yes.
The Papalapoulos Bank.
Are you joking?
Shit! Stop doubting me!
That's nothing, just a small obstacle. And what if I...
-simply don't trust the Jew? - Calm down.
They guy reads Trump, has an overpriced office,
secretary he can't talk to... and you want me to calm down?
There is no need to get nervous.
Simply put your hands back
into your pockets.
You have to see the big picture, boys. To invest like Trump.
Yes. And how much?
- Double. 20 000 Euros each. - I'm done.
- Me too. I don't feel confidence. - And I am going to have a kid.
Oh, I understand.
The rats are leaving this ship. What a great family!
Say, you think like typical Frenchmen.
What does that mean?
You have no ambitions!
Do you want to see
my ambitions?
- No, Rachid. - You saw it. Here.
Forget the bank and give me back my part.
Okay, Rachid.
I'll give you your money. I have a feeling that you too bail out?
- Your feeling is correct. - I am still going to have a child.
Hey, get out!
- I have a company and it's taking off now. - Idiot!
Hey, you with your leased car. Stupid!
Even Steve Jobs had to fight with windmills at the beginning.
You can't make Iphone in two days.
He worked on it by himself!
Are Jews good in business? Not all of them.
If he pays us... He is clumsy, not a thief.
Should have listened to my father. Never go into business with family.
Rachid!
If you want to be
a real Frenchman, you have to scratch it.
I don't give a fuck about Frenchmen!
I am done, Claude. I want to go home.
We'll be there soon. We'll be in France in an hour.
- Travelling is a nighmare. - Never again!
I promise, my dear.
I'm trying to figure out, which country was the most....the most...
That's not easy to answer. Not really.
Welcome to Paris, Roissy Airport.
Charles de Gaulle. Good, we are home.
Not yet. We have to clear the customs first.
Pardon me. Sorry.
Thank you. Voila! Back to Chinon!
What are you doing?
I'm posting that we are back.
- We'll miss our train. - Don't be in a hurry.
There are no trains.
What do you mean?
The Railroad is on strike. I'll last 3 months.
No doubt about it. We are back in France. Unbelievable!
Look, Marie, those fields. That green, that softness...
Touraine is the orchard of France. Garden of Paradise.
Our insects are much nicer than those
dreadful African ones. And no diseases.
Stop! Stop!
Stop please. Sorry.
Hello friends,
good to see you. I missed you.
Claude, the taxameter is running.
Of course, it's running.
Come on! Just a minute.
Do you smell the cow's pancake? I fell born again.
I'm getting hungry. Let's have a proper French meal.
Cheese, smoked meat, back to Chinon
Not some green tea...
Give me that paté. You'll like it.
I started with this one. It's incredible.
What is it?
Probably our daughters
- trying to find out if we're back. - No! Leave it.
They'll be bombarding us with questions about our terrible journey.
We'll call them later.
I need to recover.
This programme is really is great.
Sensible.
Is something going on, love?
It's over, Odile.
For the two of us? No.
France. This country is lost.
Dead!
Did someone bother you? Something anti Jewish?
The meeting didn't go well. I'll tell you.
Don't yell. You frightened him.
Sorry, darling. Come.
Sorry. Dad is angry because of
uncle Rachid, Chao, and Charles.
Their balls are this tiny.
Like this.
Are you interested in nunchucks?
If I were an African, would you offer me a machete?
I'm sorry, I don't understand.
Why should I be interested in nunchucks?
Perhaps because you are looking at them?
That's right.
I'll take these and two shurikens, please.
What?
Do you think I'm not successful?
Not at all. You watch too many movies though.
It's more complicated in real life.
I believe you. You'll succeed.
And what if we left France?
Where would we go?
To New York.
New York?
It's a Mecca of business. And a lot of Jews too.
I'd rather go to Israel. Even more of them there.
- Will you be ready to go there? - Of course.
But I need three years to convert.
I will not wait for three years. No.
Let's go then. I'll finish it over there. It'll be even better.
Evenou Shalom Aleichem
- EVENOU SHALOM ALEICHEM
Evenou shalom...
Oh! I missed you, I missed you.
So, how was the holiday?
Rachid's parents were glad
to see you. - Us too, my dear.
We had a great time.
And?
Are you not going to say something?
I'll tell the whole family on Sunday.
We have so much to tell.
Let's go. I have a defense in Bobigny at 4 p.m.
One thing about sexual harassment. These days that's common.
Those bastards are falling like flies. Good.
Have a good one, darling. Hello, is father somewhere nearby?
I'm coming to say hello. No, he is still at the office.
Today is a big day.
He signing his sale of shares to his partners.
Dad retired? That'll be fun. Are you not afraid?
A little bit.
I want to tell you how proud I am
to have worked with you.
You too, Jean-Pierre.
As far as you are concerned, Guy,
my dear partner,
I'm counting on you to lead the office to the 22nd century.
Thank you.
Are you not afraid of a retirement?
No. I'll enjoy life and family.
But mainly, I'll dedicate myself to my great passion,
history of France and history of Touraine.
And I'll write a biography
of Alfred Tonnellé, a great poet,
who died of typhus aged 26.
Did you know he was from Touraine?
No, I didn't know.
I don't even know who Alfred Tonnellé is.
Oh? You should read your history again, my dear boy.
It's a big personna in Pyrenneism.
Pyrenneism is something
you know about?
- No. - Well...
That's why that biography is needed.
It's much needed book then.
Come! To Tonnellé and poetry!
A lovely cheque, Mr. Verneuil.
It's enough for 30 years. I can do some damage.
I'm also retiring.
Great. Who will replace you, Bouvier?
It's not decided yet.
There is talk of moving to Saumur.
Oh? That's a problem
of small places like Chinon. There is nothing other than tourism.
People are leaving. Mostly the young. The Avilex factory is about to close.
Avilex?
What a pity!
Last of the big firms.
Everyone follows the flow, right?
What are we going to tell them about our journey?
I don't want to insult them.
I'll take care of it.
No sidelines.. Be politically correct.
Obviously.
I'll never forget the arrival to the Tel Aviv
airport.
Control for four hours. I thought they'd circumcise me.
Claude... - No,
just joking. I...
I didn't frighten you, David?
No, I'm used to it, Claude.
But they are not joking
The country is under pressure.
What pressure?
There is trouble brewing.
- Did you not know? - Eh...
I liked the country very much.
The Church of the Nativity, what a miracle!
Except that's West Bank.
That isn't Israel?
No.
It's in Palestine.
Are you okay, David?
Are you bothered by the word Palestine?
Not at all. I call it West Bank.
West bank!
See, there are a few conflicts
there?
And did you see the Wailing Wall?
We are not the crying type. It was
really hot there.
The wall was hot, like a furnace.
We went for a swim in the Dead Sea instead.
That will refresh you. There is more salt than water.
You mother was drained like a cucumber.
Sorry about that.
That's okay, it's true you sweated a lot.
I sweated like a pig.
- And Algeria? - I liked it there a lot.
A beautiful place, Algeria.
Oh yes. Thanks, Marie.
It's exotic, isn't it?
No need to go so far. One journey to Barbes. (*Barbes is a poorer immigrant part of Paris)
It's the same. As you say, Kif Kif. (* Kif kif - slang for ' it's all the same')
That's a joke, Rachid.
Second degree.
Of course. - Papa,
if it was funny, we would laugh.
I think it's funny. Aha!
Not politically correct,
- but funny. - Thanks, Chao.
By that I just wanted to say that we are not a subject
of mass tourism like Tunisia or Morocco.
- That way, it remains more authenic. True.
We were all alone in the Algerian Cathedral.
What a surprise!
What else, other than the cathedral,
did you see?
Le Corniche, that's wonderful.
Those Haussmann like buildings
towering over the sea...
Looks that colonization did not destroy it all.
As far as the architecture goes.
Then your parents invited us for dinner.
I have to say, they welcomed us as royalty.
We could say that Algerians have a talent
for hospitality.
Not all of them, dear.
It's true we encountered some barbarians,
who did not seem very welcoming.
I assure you, Rachid, mass tourism
is not going to happen in Algeria anytime soon.
- And China? -China, Chao?
Where to begin?
There is so much over there, what to say, hey darling?
- China, China.... Wonderful!
It's a real multi sensory shock.
As soon as we arrived in Beijing,
between the pollution and the people who spit on you...
Did they spit on you?
Not on mye. Only on my shoes.
Sure, that guy didn't do it on purpose.
He was aiming for the sidewalk. Unpleasant though.
Did you like it otherwise?
- But, of course! -Sure
Except for the taxi, there was a strong smell of garlic.
They chase bad spirits away with that.
More like customers. You must have a strong body...
and solid toes.
Because of so many people, everyone steps on your toes.
Almost a billion of them. Just like sardines.
Well, Chao?
- Is Claude's sense of humour not funny anymore? - Sure, sure, it is.
And then, Marie got sick
just when we were in the Forbidden City.
It was a bad diarrhea, we could not do any sighseeing.
Because of the
larvae.
- Larvae? - Yes, larvae
from the Wangfujing market.
They insisted that I tried them.
A market full of atrocities.
But, mama, you eat head cheese, that's not any better.
Of course, it's better.
Of course, they had some hundred year eggs. What a stench!
Spitting, hundred year eggs, that's China of the past.
Perphaps, but it exists still, we saw it with our own eyes.
I loved it, Charles.
It was my first time visiting Africa, but I would go again.
Not right away, but soon, when it's suitable.
Yes, we will get some rest. Oh, Abidjan is exhausting.
We didn't sleep well.
Because of a holiday.
You celebrated something?
Not us, but the Ivorian natives.
Which ones?
All of them.
What kind of cliché is that, papa?
Well, I exaggarated a bit, dear, of course, someone got some sleep.
But as far as partying, they are number one!
And my father, was everything okay?
Great, he was just himself, bending my ear for three days.
It smells fantastic. What is it?
I don't recognize this food. Is that only rice?
My uncle made me do it.
Normally, there should be some ham
with it.
Are we going to talk about the ham all week long?
We'll give it as much time as needed.
I'll go and buy some pasta stuffed with snails. It's really good.
You stay here.
And be quiet.
Go on, serve yourselves.
And then it got better.
- Until your mother got sick again.
It was really bad this time.
One shouldn't toy with African germs.
They are really aggresive.
The important thing is, you are alive.
That's a real miracle.
Well, dear,
we have to go. We have a long journey ahead of us.
That's new!
Hmm? Looks like a vampire!
No, that's me. It is a self portrait.
Oh, that's pretty.
- Pretty. - Really pretty.
- Why do you get up so early? - Because of writing.
- A writer must have Spartan discipline.
- It's a good punishment while being retired.
What kind of grotesque pyjamas are these?
Those are my Chinese ones. I bought it in Beijing.
Have a good day!
Come, Clovis. And don't return before eleven.
To us, Alfred.
Chapter...
one...
Welcome to Israel.
- Sir! - Yes?
There is a woman in your office
- with a... - With?
You know, with ...
Mrs. Zitouni.
I have told you that I don't want to get involved with the burqas anymore.
I am not Mrs. Zitouni.
And who are you?
Mrs. Belhadj. Mrs. Zitouni gave me your number.
'I don't speak Hebrew: Addressing a woman:
'Ani to medaberet ivrit.'
And to a man:
I don't understand. For some lady:
'Ani lo mevina.'
And for a man:
- What are you saying? - It's really hard.
- I don't understand anything. - But you said you spoke a little.
Well, ancient Hebrew, Hieroglyphs, such things ...
David, that's not funny. We are doing Alyah, we are not going to the Club Med.
- 'Ma ata amer.' - MA ATA OMER.'
amateur ...
Charles Kofi. I came to audition.
Sit down. We'll call you.
I didn't get any text, so I am not sure which part for.
Brother, don't stress.
It's a guy with dog in Leader Price.
As soon as the action begins,
a white man comes in and kills you. That's it for you.
Come and sit.
Horrible, that typhus.
Hmm?
I made you a plum pie.
I asked not to be disturbed.
Writers shouldn't be disturbed.
- I'll just set it down here, you won't hear me again. - I'm not hungry.
Go on and work, my dear Balzac.
Oh.
Hey, Chinaman, give us your money!
- What a paranoid man! - Typical! Us Chinese
get attacked all the time because we have a lot of cash.
Here is a proof. 20 Euros.
Cheapskate.
You are crazy.
Let's go.
- Did you want to see us? - Yes, sit down, my dear Sirs.
I'd like to pay you
my debts before I definitely move to Israel.
To Israel?
No! No way!
I can't live here anymore. Only lazy and jealous people live here.
What are you going to do? Sell halal to Jews?
No. Reubio is done.
I came up with something else.
- Yes? - An idea?
IDEA! But I better not talk about it.
Give us a cheque instead.
- Yes. - Come. Good accounting
makes good brothers in law.
What is this? Where is the cheque?
A cheque will come later.
I made you a research
of debts.
He gives us a fucking paper and then he takes off
to Israel. There are no laws
about extradiction.
What laws?
I'm not running away, I'm moving to live there with my family.
It's an official document. 'Signed below, David Benichou.'
Madoff signed a lot of things too.
Oy! This is me, David,
your brother in law.
I don't steal from my family.
Madoff stole from his family.
You have become so antisemitic.
There we go, blackmail with antisemitism.
Good evening. What will you have, gentlemen?
-Cola - Coke
Beer
Pastis
So, 2x Cola, 1 beer and a little yellow one (*pastis has yellow colour)
for the gentleman.
Is that funny?
- Pardon? - You said?
a little yellow one with a smile.
- Not at all. - Yes. You did that on purpose.
Why did you not say pastis?
Listen, I don't have time.
Did you see that?
I complain to the CRAAF.
- What is that? A craf? - An association representing
all the Asian companies in France.
CRAAF, that's ugly. Sounds like crap.
Doctor, do I have the crab?
It's not worse that the CRIF or CRAN.
- CRAN? - An association
of all the blacks in France.
CRAN? That's something.
Sounds like crane. Do you blacks feel above the others?
And what about you, Arabs?
I don't know. I don't think they ever agree with that.
- Would you leave France? - I don't know.
I feel close to my homeland, but it is hard for Arabs.
When I wear a vest, I look like a suicide bomber.
Then don't button up the vest.
That's what I'm doing. And my balls are freezing all winter long.
Damn, that's going to be quite a storm.
What weather they have in this stupid land!
It's 27 degrees Celsius in Tel Aviv now. (*80 F)
No...
- Torreton got the role of Othello. - And?
Othello is black. Torreton is white.
So what will they do? Will they do blackface?
I don't know who Othello is. I don't know who Torreton is.
Torreton...
'Torreton' what a torrent of rain...
- In China? - Yes, my CV is great.
I speak French, English, Chinese. I can find a job
- in any bank in Shangai. - Stop!
- I did not finish. - I said stop. You are in a hurry.
You are suppressing my creativity.
I'm drying up, I need to refresh. They'll understand my art over there.
I'll give you more security, my darlings.
You will not have to be afraid anymore.
I'm going to choose the sum of my offering. And done.
Marie! How are you?
- Great, thank you, father. - And your family?
I'm a very
happy granny.
All that mix, all those colours, what a pleasure.
Good that you are here. You can try this new thingie that I got from the diocese.
Give me your credit card.
- Is it for a collection? - Yes. I'll take 10 Euros.
It'll be prepaid. Do you have a contactless card?
- Marie, what are you waiting for? I ...
It's so good to give.
Who is it?
- Did you spot the Virgin Mary? - Oh, don't be afraid,
that's Arash, our Afgan refugee,
he ran away from Taliban.
They gave him a council flat,
but it's being repaired.
So he sleeps here during the wintertime.
- Poor man! - Well, one you could accommodate him
in your huge house?
- Pardon? - Just for a month, no more than that.
You'll see, he is very nice.
- He looks that way. - He can repair things round the garden,
at least he'll be busy. What do you say, Arash?
Gardening.
- No, I'm a teacher. - Yes.
Yes, Arash, a teacher.
Who is that man?
That's Arash from Taliban. Our priest asked us to accommodate him.
- Taliban? - No, not Taliban guy.
I run from Taliban.
Oh, sorry. That's something completely different.
Well, the result is the same.
It's a big, fat NO. Why doesn't he stay with the priest?
Why did we get him?
- A problem, madame? - No, Arash, no problem.
We'll put him in the gardenhouse. He'll not be in a way.
I have so much to do!
We know.
A lovely house.
- To us! - To us!
How sad that I have to toast with water.
So...
Oh, they offered me a post in Bombay.
In India? We'll never survive there. There's more crime than in all of Africa.
It's a great opportunity for me.
And what about my career?
Just joking, I refused.
I will not force you.
Did you see? A glass of champagne
for 45 Euros. Good thing you are pregnant.
- And if he was a Taliban? - Who?
Arash.
I'm reading an interesting article
about terrorists who pretend to be refugees.
- Arash was a teacher. - Can you prove it?
Are you in contact with his school in Kabul?
Stop thinking the worst all the time.
He looks nice, that Arash.
And leave me, I'm busy on Twitter.
Just doing something...
Go on, Clovis. Go and pee and don't come back until this afternoon!
Darling!
Darling! I surprised our guy.
- Which one? - Arash, in the garden house.
He prayed and did all kinds of things.
Well, muslims do pray like that.
I know.
He looked so serious, as if he was getting ready for a mission.
Please go and see a psychiatrist because you are tense.
And take of those pyjamas. I feel as if
I'm sleeping with Mao.
Oh... I want to sleep.
Sir! Sir!
What is it, Karine?
Someone called Martineau wants to meet with you.
Martineau? Are you sure?
Yes. Martineau. He'll come at 4.
Martineau...
Oh, I'm beat. I studied Hebrew all night long.
- Yes? - I'm ready.
I can give speeches in Knesset. (*Knesset - Israeli parliament)
Could you repeat that slowly
and pronounce it better, please?
You are saying sentences
with which you're trying to trick me.
'I'll get some bread' is complicated?
Now I understand. I'm going to get some bread.
It's simple
Good thing we didn't leave.
- Mr. Martineau came. Should I let him through?
Yes, Karine, let him in.
Please, sit down.
- I'm listening. - My wife...
was kicked out of Aqua Park, because she swam in burqini.
I'd like to sue them.
Pardon me.
I need to talk to you.
I'm suffocating here. I didn't study for 7 years to defend peasants.
This country is getting on my nerves as well.
I have to do muc more work than men.
- Then let's leave. - Yes.
- Where? - To Algeria,
but it's not going to be that easy for you.
No, it's that easy.
But you said you would follow me to the ends of the world.
- I had to say it...you know, wedding night. - What?
You didn't mean it?
Yes. But we are talking about Algeria.
Things change.
You know, everything is changing there. There is new atmosphere.
- They say 'La dolce vita Algeria'.
An algerian La dolce vita? That's an exaggeration, no?
- There are even some feminists groups. - In Algeria?
You'll be more useful there fighting for women's rights.
Everything is so done over here.
I hope you are joking.
There is a lot of need for lawyers, especially female lawyers.
I am serious, Isabelle.
Nobody is listening to women of Algeria. Those women have no one to defend them.
Have you heard of the bikini revolution?
- The Bikini Revolution? - Yes.
- What again?
I spoke to our children. They'll all come for Easter.
- All of them? - Yes. Come on, Claude, be nice.
It's important for me to see my grandchildren.
For me too.
But I need absolute quiet because of this biography.
It's a work of giants.
What?
Oh!
Motor, mower, driver.
- He broke the mower. - Poor thing...
-Nothing? - No, absolutely nothing.
Business is very slow.
What about the part of a dealer?
They gave it to an Arab. I tried it for you.
I was contacted by an amateur company, so I said no.
Did you tell your parent we are leaving for Israel?
We are going to tell them together. During the weekend, without any fuss.
That's going to be fantastic weekend.
Good that Laura and Charles are staying. Can you imagine your parents?
We really pushed them with our wedding.
Let's push them a bit more.
One, two, three, long live Algiers!
Bollywood makes one thousand films, twice as much as Hollywood.
And no black people. No competition.
- There might be a reason for it. - Such as?
- There are no black men in India. - Well, there will be one when I go.
We need to take life in our own hands. To make our own destiny.
And how do you want to break through?
Gandhi said: 'Life is a mystery that one must live
and not a problem that one must solve.
And here we are, darlings.
- We have arrived! - At granny's? - Yeah
Who is it?
Damn.
Who is that psycho? I'm afraid.
What are you doing? No, no, no!
No, no, no!
What's going on?
Chinaman attack me, Madame!
Chao, why are you attacking poor Arash?
Arash?
Yes. He is a refugee who helps with our garden
and he gets a place to stay and food.
Well, I'm going back to check on the lamb.
Are you coming armed?
It's for my safety. France has become too dangerous.
You are the dangerous one.
It's time to leave.
Come on, girls. It's alright.
And for a dessert, granny made a chocolate
- mousse!
- Who wants some? - Me!
Are we agreed? We'll tell them after dinner.
Laure, will you support us?
Of course.
Because I'm leaving as well.
What? Who is leaving?
Charles and I. We are going to Bombay.
But...when did you decide?
- A short while ago, when we drove over here. - No.
You can't do that to our parents.
She is right.
That will kill them.
You have to stay with them.
Are you crazy?
We already had our problems when I wanted to get married.
You are the youngest one, which comes with some perks,
but also with some duties.
What duties?
A duty to stay...
Dinner is served, my dears!
I am so glad to see you,
I missed you.
We missed you too, MAMA.
Going to the lamb, here I come, my lamb!
What?
I open the envelope and there it is, a present.
A trip for two, a cruise to Tahiti.
- Did you refuse? - Of course.
Your mother cannot take any more travelling.
I exchanged it on "Smartbook" for the best place in France.
There is nothing like our country, such tender life here.
What we are saying and thinking.... we are really pampered here.
You bet. Don't you agree?
Don't take it personally, Claude.
I have a problem with France.
And Odile and I want to tell you
that we have decided to live in Israel.
- Are you leaving? - Yes, mam, we are leaving.
So are we.
Who?
Me, Isabelle and Laure.
All of you are going to Israel?
- NO! - Chao and I are going to China.
To China?
And we are going to Algeria.
To Algeria?
Are you completely crazy?
Countries change. Have you seen the Bikini Revolution?
- What is it? - Brave women who resist
the government, they want to wear bikini at the beach.
They will need a good lawyer to win this.
That's amazing... And you, Charles, are you leaving for Abidjan?
No. I'd like to be at least 5000 km far from my father.
We are going
- to Bombay. - To Bombay?
But why Bombay?
- They gave us a super job in Bombay. - I'll have quite a career.
Black man in India. What nonsense.
I don't understand.
Did your business with Bio Halal not work?
No bank wanted to loan us money. Is that clearer, Papa?
The only thing that's clear is that I'll never see my grandchildren again.
Not at all. We'll come at Christmas.
- Once a year? That's not much. - You can come and see us.
Thanks. We had enough of travelling.
I hope you are not leaving because
of the pressure from your partners.
- ENOUGH! - We are old enough
to make our own decisions. We have nothing against France.
We are thinking about the future. It's not so easy over here.
It isn't easy?
Am I dreaming? Do you think the grass is greener on the other side?
Come, Marie. We heard enough.
Good night.
- Don't take it so hard, Claude. - Mama...
This, this is too strange.
And how do you want us to take it?
What have we done to go through this again, Claude?
I have no idea.
It's not easy in France... If they want to leave, let them.
No...
Didn't you get some sleep? Neither did I.
I don't know if to blame the mattress or the family meeting.
Not me, I slept well.
I problem back, garden work hard.
You probably have lumbago.
Embargo?
I'm going to the pharmacy, I need some antidepressives.
Come with me.
- Here you are. - Thank you.
Hello Father.
- Are you okay? - Yes, Segolene.
I watched the 7th series of Games of Thrones in two days.
I need something to stay alert.
Otherwise the mass... Poof!
- Vitamin C? - No.
Something stronger. It might not be very catholic,
but...
If the tummy is very big, it's a boy.
Everytime we have to do the mass. I've already memorized the Gospels.
Greetings, Luke and Mary, John and Luke.
It's important for my mum. I converted, so you can make some effort.
Did you convert to Judaism?
Please don't say anything to our parents. Under no circumstances.
It would mean a mass suicide. Understood?
Are all of us here?
Chao went to get the little ones.
- Arash isn't here. - Muslims don't go to the mass.
But he said he would like to share the holidays with his Christian brothers.
- Oh really? - Yes.
- Go and find him. - Me?
With his Christian brothers ...
It's our last Easter Mass together.
What in the name of... He'll blow himself up in the church.
Look!
What is he doing?
Call the SWAT! He has a bomb in his belt!
Hurry!
- It's a suicide bomber! - No! No! He isn't a suicide bomber.
It's a back support belt.
I bought it this morning.
He has lumbago, papa!
Let me through, I am a dentist!
He is a bit out of it. I'm sorry, my friend, a small misunderstanding.
Take him inside,
- I'll examine him. - She is a doctor.
- Are you okay? - Yes.
Is it going to be alright?
- He really whacked him. - Yes... he did.
Poor Arash!
He ran from bombing in his country only to be massacred by a madman.
I have always said that father is crazy.
This is another reason why we are leaving.
Because of what?
Because of the constant suspicion of muslims.
If there is nothing wrong, avoid the support belts.
Take an Ibuprofen instead.
It would be easier.
Thank you for coming so early.
Thank you for coming so quickly. Is the mass over?
- Yes, sure. I perked up. - Would you like some coffee?
No, thank you...
Where is our Arash? The whole series of Gomorrah is waiting for me.
In the living room.
Don't move. Let me see if your teeth are broken.
Stop shaking.
- The tartar buildup should really be cleaned up. - What happened over here?
Misunderstanding with a belt. I'm a bit confused.
I want to return to Kabul.
- He wants to go back to Kabul? - Yes, he wants to go home.
See, even refugees want to get away from France.
Just great. Really.
Listen, Vivianne, long distance relationship is cute, but it's getting annoying.
- I will come soon. - But you will get a tourist visa
for a month only.
Then you have to go back to Abidjan, darling. A month is not very much.
- What are we going to do? - I have a solution.
We'll get married and you stay in France.
Get married? That's impossible.
- We are lesbians. They'll kill us. - Have you heard
of marriage for everyone?
Thanks to Taubira's new law,
even lesbians can marry. (*Taubira - Female Minister of Justice who legalized same sex marriage)
Taubira's law? Eh? What is that?
- Mama, where are you? - Mama?
- Most likely in her room. - Wait here, girls.
Mama...
Are you not going to accompany us?
No, I feel very tired.
But take care, my darlings.
I don't know when we'll see each other again
or if we'll see each other at all.
We'll definitely meet again.
- Are you sure? - YES.
Are you not going to change your mind?
What does that mean?
- If we don't forget her. - Oh.
We'll not forget you. Plus we have not left yet.
And we'll see each other when Laure will give birth.
Will you not give birth in India?
I'll leave afterwards. I want to be with you.
- Don't be sad. - Yes.
We'll talk via Skype.
No, on Vatsap. I prefer Vatsap.
Vatsap is good.
We'll never forget about you.
Oh, mama...
Mumsy...
I'll make sure that can return to your own country.
It will not be expensive.
- Yes. - You'll just say: "We want back."
You'll call your granny
What is he plotting with your children?
Be careful.
Understood? Do we have a deal?
A Deal.
A deal.
Wedding
for everyone.
It was written by a black woman!
Sister, you saved my life!
I'll get married. I'll get married. Yes!
I'll get married. Thanks, Taubira. Thanks.
Thanks to you, I'll get married. Thank you, thank you.
Are you getting married?
Kofi? Your daugher is getting married.
- Who? Vivianne? - Yes.
Vivianne. Do you have another daughter?
And it's not a white man?
It's not a white man.
Is it a black man?
Well, if it isn't a white man, it must be a black man.
Don't be so sure. Look at that poor Verneuil.
Sit over there.
Who is it?
It's a...
A?
It's a French citizen, but born in the Ivory Coast.
I hooked up when I visited Charles in Paris.
And what's the person's name?
- Nicole... as - Nicolas?
- Is he Catholic? - Yes, mum.
Prays a lot.
- Is he well off? - Yes, papa.
He has money. He sells houses.
Estate agency
Very good.
I like Nickie already.
Me too.
Fatou, bring us
- some champagne and three glasses. - Yes, auntie.
We need to organize everything quickly, so he doesn't change his mind.
I agree.
My dear daughter,
I am very proud of you.
It's a beautiful flat, in a sought after district.
It should sell very well.
However, if you don't want your buyer escaping,
take down all those paintings.
Should I show you another floor?
Let's go.
How rude!
- I like this one. - Aha!
No way, it's almost across.
Across from what?
My mother, she lives in Netanya.
In that case, we have something in Netanya.
No, that's too close.
Too close?
- Too close to mother. - I need something
not too close, not too far.
Something equidistant.
I'll see what I can find for you.
Thank you. Very nice of you.
I'll send that idiot to the Syrian border.
Charles!
I found it.
We'll call him Virgile.
Virgile?
Don't you like it?
It's not very manly?
I was thinking of Bob,
like Bob Marley, my favourite singer.
Bob Kofi?
Are you serious?
No.
Wait. That's my father.
Hello? Is Laure
still pregnant?
- Well, of course, she is. - I bought tickets.
She should give birth between the 6th and the 24th.
- Okay, papa, we'll try our best. - Great.
That way we can kill two birds with one stone.
- What are you talking about? - About the baby
- and your sister's wedding. - Vivianne is getting married?
I don't have time to talk about it.
I have to call Verneuil to get my room ready.
Vivianne is getting married?
Except for that it is a lie.
A lie?
Vivianne likes girls.
Oh... great. Fantastic, André.
I'll talk to my wife and I'll call you back.
This really does it.
Kofi wants the house for Vivianne's wedding.
Is she getting married? You should be happy.
Oh, I am. But I'm warning you,
I am not going to sleep in the barn!
Claude, I'm not in the mood. Don't project your negativity on me.
What are you doing in that suit and the poles?
I love Scandinavian walks.
Scandinavian walks...
Great that I have you, Clovis.
Scandinavian walks
and Kofi on top of that.
Hello, Mrs. Verneuil!
You look great today!
Watch out
for hunters.
Shut up!
Is your writer that nobody ever heard of
more important than your daughters?
It's a main figure of Pyrenneism, Marie.
- I too am against it. - Are glad they are leaving?
How can you say that? They are my daughters too.
So why don't you prevent them from leaving?
What am I supposed to do?
Mr. Lefranc!
Vivianne, you can't. It will kill the old man.
Listen to me...
What? Go on.
Yes.
Cancel the wedding. Cancel it. Please.
Feast your eyes. The idea.
- This is your idea? I get it now, why you didn't want to talk about it.
Gentlemen, let me present to you
portable fridge.
It has a little compartment for meat, a bottle of Rose,
ice.
It's foldable, rust resistant,
box connected
to a little gas tank.
Attention!
This whole thing
weighs no more than 15 kilos. (33 lbs)
And of course, it has caster wheels.
- So great! - That will sell like hotcakes.
It will be a massacre.
Come on! Long live portable fridge! Come on!
The old man is here.
Claude, how was your journey?
Terrible. Who had the bright idea to close the roads?
- It was horrible. - Let me help.
Thank you. Charles couldn't make it?
- He is on the phone with Vivianne. - Something wrong?
For some yes...
- Something unpleasant? - Very.
He's trying to cancel Vivianne's wedding.
Why?
The bridegroom is not a man.
Meaning?
Meaning it is a woman.
The groom is a ... woman?
Yes. Vivianne is a lesbian.
- No! Oh, no! - Yes. yes.
- I would imagine that Poor Kofi doesn't know? - No, not yet.
She wants to tell him at the last minute.
That will be an apocalypse!
He is quite old. He might have a problem getting over that.
We are bad, we are laughing at it.
We didn't say anything.
Of course. My lips are sealed.
Oh! Here he is...
Sorry about that. A small problem at work.
Oh, I understand. We all understand.
You have our support.
Thank you. How about Marie? How is she?
I'm worried. She began some Scandinavian walks.
- Scandinavian walks? - Something like skying.
But without the skis or the snow.
But I didn't come here to talk about her mental health...
Sorry.
I have a proposal for you
that you should consider.
I sold some shares I had.
and thanks to that, I am ready to invest. For example, in Reubio.
The icing on the cake is
that the factory Avilex in Chinon is looking for a new owner.
It's your for a few pennies.
Thanks, Claude.
It's ... It's very nice.
But it's too late. We are
- ready to leave. - I don't understand.
What is your problem with France?
Answer me! I will not eat you.
The waiters in cafes are very unpleaant.
- The wait... - The roundabouts.
Pardon?
One has to be a champion of Tour de France to navigate them.
- Oh really? - French films.
There are no interesting parts for black people here.
For whites either.
Are you joking?
I didn't travel 300 kilometers (*186 miles)
to listen to such rubbish.
I came here to try and understand you.
I want to understand your reasons for leaving.
We like France, Claude.
But as far as I am concerned, we don't feel like we fit in.
- Exactly. - We are French just like others,
but we are still of foreign origins for them.
I'm not saying France is bad, but unity is quite an issue.
And you, David, is it because of antisemitism?
If that was the reason, I'd leave ages ago.
No, it's because this country hates winners.
I see. And you consider yourself a winner, David?
That's news to me.
But good news.
I will suceed, Claude. But definitely not here.
Because in France,
you have a lot of paperwork, regulations,
- a lot of taxes. - And a lot of strikes.
- I can't stand trains anymore. - You are right.
But unions exist everywhere.
- Not in China. - Nor in Algeria.
- Very well.
Oh, I understand. You became reactionaries.
We simply have some sense, Claude. France is going to end up badly.
We are bleedning on all fronts.
And the result?
Poverty, no more safety. I'm afraid.
In Montreiul? With all the rich and free spirits?
Even with that.
I don't like the French mentality.
People criticise too much. They are negative.
Did you vote for Macron? You should be glad
that France is on the move again.
- Finally. - It's a country
full of complainers. No need to change a president, if you can't change people.
He is right. This can't work.
We baked a cake
with the Provencals, Alsatians, Corsicans.
Then we added the Poles, Porguguese, Italians.
And that wasn't enough, we also added
Arabs, Chinese... Not to mention the blacks.
Why wouldn't you mention the blacks?
It's just a matter of speech. Don't be so paranoid, Charles.
- And what if say 'not to mention the Jews?' - Jews weren't mentioned.
Are they not a part of the cake?
- Are they above the cake? - Stop both of you!
Charles drove for 300 km to understand...
Ass-licker,
- we didn't ask you. - Exactly.
- Say that again. - I have no problem.
You will not deal with David, but with uncle Rachid.
Come on then, couscous.
- Couscous? Repeat it! - Couscous.
What does that mean 'You will not deal
with David. It's important.
- Stop getting into this, David. - Go and have some Cheese-naan.
Oh yes.
This is great.
Look at this.
You are yelling, insulting each other.
It's all the richness of the country, which you are part of.
Thank you, Claude, that you want to stop us, but it's too late.
After everything that this country has done for you,
you are trashing her, insulting her.
Great. What a great mentality!
If you want to leave, leave! Have a nice time!
That's not because of you, Claude. You are not France.
Oh, pardon me. I have not problem with saying I love France.
France and I are from the same cake batter.
Here, this is for the
peanuts and for the Italian shameless wine...
Incredible!
It's Chianto!
Chianto doesn't exist.
You were deceived. It's Chianti.
It's as if you called Bordeaux Bordu.
- Well? - I couldn't
convince them. They don't like us.
- We haven't done anything to them. - Not us.
France. It's France, the French. They don't like us.
On the other hand, I learned something
about Kofi. You will not believe this.
- What a beatiful airport. - The French know how to build.
We can't deny that.
Is he in a good mood because he'll be a grandfather?
No, because I'm getting married.
I'm not going to cancel it, Charles.
I have made up my mind.
After two months of deciding, we agree on one name.
It will be... Nicolas!
That can't be true!
We can't have two Nicolases in the family.
(We'll find another one)
It's going to be Nicolas and that's it.
My future son-in-law,
- Vivianne's husband, is Nicolas. - Oh really?
Nicolas...
And have you met...Nicolas?
Not yet.
We'll meet him in Paris, in a week.
Great! Great! The suspense must be killing you.
- Don't worry about me, Claude. -That's nothing to do with me.
My son-in-law is....black.
Extra! From the Ivory Coast.
A catholic and really well off.
That's fantastic, André.
Yes. We already gave up all hope.
- You are lucky, André. - That's not luck.
Not at all.
It's because I brought up my daughter
with real values.
Exactly.
Nicolas...his name is Nicolas.
I think my water broke!
What are we going to do?
- We are too far from Paris! - Charles!
This is not a third world country. We have great hospitals here.
We also have great hospitals
in the third world.
But thanks to the support of EU and France especially
Are you going to quarrel about colonization?
- No! Not now! - Well...
Push!
Again, more!
You are not going to cry now, are you?
Sorry.
And it's done. Nicolas is here.
Already.
Papa, his appetite is just like yours.
André.
- Congratulations. - Thank you.
He is as black as Senegalese!
It's true that he is...
A lot, isn't he?
What is it, darling?
What's going on, Marie?
It isn't because of his colour?
No, it's just that I will not see him growing up.
They are leaving.
Laure will explain it to you.
Well...
We are going to live in India.
India?
That country where people worship cows?
Spare us the cliche.
- But he is really dark. - Do you mind?
No. It's just that Laure is.... very blonde.
And I thought that...
Just saying. Just saying.
I hope we can still express our opinion in this country.
- Yes, yes, yes. - So I am just expressing my opinion.
- Do you know what bothered me the most? - No.
Kofi's face, when he saw the baby. The way he looked at me.
It really made me angry.
The expression on Verneuil's face when he saw the baby!
Black blood is the most powerful!
It's the power of Africa!
You are tiring.
White, black. It doesn't matter.
The baby is pretty. He and his mum are doing well.
Thank God and shut up!
'Ahi Na Ma' (Lindigo)
It's going to be alright It's going to be alright.
Here we are! It was worth the wait, no?
I talked to Charles. He doesn't want to listen.
That imbecile is convinced that he'll become a star in India.
You have to convince Laure.
What do you want me to do?
- They are both adults. - But India ...
People are weird over there, blacks with white heads.
I'm more worried about my wife.
All her four daughter going away. I'm afraid she will not get over it.
It's true that
she looks bad. She is close to a breakdown.
Thank you for your support.
Claude,
I have a solution.
Our sons in law don't like France. So we'll teach them to like it.
- Didn't they say more? - No.
They just said they want to spend the weekend with us.
Your father even paid for the first class.
We have always
taken the second class.
He is pampering us.
They want to convince us to stay.
Good luck with that. I already see myself in Tel Aviv, eating a falafel.
Me and Tel Aviv?
No way. But I've already closed my office in France.
I signed a contract with a bank in Shanghai.
Do you think they could invest into my portable fridge?
Oh, what a face!
No, thanks. I don't need anyone this time. And you, Charles?
Just like you. I'm leaving. Unless Audiard calls me for his next film. (*Audiard - famous French director)
Bro, he will not call.
Hmm.
Welcome!
Did you like the new technology of TGV? (*TGV - high speed rail)
A real treasure. We keep forgetting that
France is the best in many industries.
What a nice present.
We rented it for the weekend. A real gem.
We don't have to envy the Germans.
We joke about many French products, but we don't have to be ashamed.
Put your luggage into the boot. It opens automatically.
It's great that you can loosen up.
We like you. Hmm, Claude?
Oh yes. Although, it was not easy at first.
It was my fault. I am responsible.
We like you as well. Hey, guys?
YES. SURE. YES.
Sorry, but I have to stop...
I need to withdraw some money.
Too bad, you're leaving, Chao. This bank needs a new director.
Thanks, Claude.
(Between a bank
in Chinon and Shanghai, what would you pick?)
- Mr. Bouvier, how are you? - Mr. Verneuil? Going for a walk?
I'm showing my sons in law our lovely region.
This is Chao, he also works in a bank.
He's leaving for China for a job.
Oh, you like risks?
- Why? - Don't you read newspapers?
Economists are forecasting
fall of Chinese economy. They talk of financial tsunami.
French banks are solid. They have serious directors.
After all, we either like adventure
- or we don't. - Have a good day!
Same to you.
Look at this beauty.
I would not trade it for anything.
We have it all: flat land, mountains, sea, all of of it.
An author Sylvain Tesson says:
'France is a paradise inhabited by people who believe in hell.'
Literally!
We are near the Avilex factory. Do you want to peek in?
Reubio is done, Claude. The office is closed.
Odile mentioned some new idea!
It's not a new idea. It's an idea with a capital I.
I invented a portable fridge.
- That's a fantastic idea! - You'll make money!
Enough discussions. We will stop in Avilex.
It's no problem, you are leaving.
Just so, just for giggles.
See, it's in a great shape.
You can change manufacturing
with minimal investment.
I'm just saying it.
A pity. It's only one symbolic Euro.
- One Euro? Are you serious? - Yes, David.
The politicians in this region support creation of new jobs.
One Euro...that's interesting.
Come, come. We have so much to see.
What a beauty! A marvel!
This is the whole spirit of France.
Elegance, softness, beauty.
And very dry as well.
I hope there is some water there. I hope we will not visit all the castles?
According to Wikipedia, there are 3000 of them.
I could do with a drink.
Why did he invite only our men? What are we? Chopped liver?
Yes.
It's our father's fault. We have to meet like some sect in the Middle Ages.
To go around all the Loire castles, no thanks.
I'd enjoy it before leaving.
- Stop. - What?
You try to look tough, but I'm sure
that you'll miss France.
The theatre was built in 1864
by a great architect, Charles Joly-Leterme.
It's very beautiful.
And you haven't even seen the castle.
They think they are Andréw Graham-Dixon.
Shit! They're going to show Othello!
- Did you see this? - Are you surprised, Charles?
Saumur is a city full of culture. (*Saumur - city in the Loire region)
Oh, you. You're coming for an audition.
-Yes. - Aren't you leaving for India?
Well yes. This is just for fun.
At the end, they'll pick someone white.
For Othello?
That would be absurd. Guylaine Montfau,
the art director. I'll hire only black man.
What are you waiting for? Go in.
Don't miss this, Charles. We'll wait at the café.
- Go on. - Go on.
What are you doing?
- We'll be late. - I want to look good for Nicolas.
I'm looking forward to Paris.
Nicolas made reservations in an upscale restaurant.
It'll be great.
You should put away your wallet, Marie. There are thieves everywhere.
This isn't the Bronx. They don't steal here.
This is safe region. I never lock my car.
Never!
- There he is. Well? - They'll let me know soon.
It assured me. Guylaine Montfau said
that I remind her of
young Gerard Depardieu.
I'll get the car.
I'm coming with you.
Are you crazy? Think.
Othello, young Depardieu... It's a trap set up by
those geezers. And the bank director, who came out, just when we stopped...
I'm willing to bet that you new bestie isn't the art director.
I checked it. She's directed the theatre for 20 years.
What do you think?
- That the oldies bought them? Pff! - Well...
Why did you compare him to Depardieu?
You asked me to give him some encouragement.
But a bit more convincingly. The main thing is to accept the part.
He'll accept. I read it in his eyes.
And he is better than I thought.
We'll see.
Don't forget to leave the poster for at least 6 months.
Even if it doesn't work?
- Even if only two people show up. We'll pay. - There are some limits.
I said we would pay.
Okay. Great.
Then don't complain, if we have to eat only soup for the rest of our lives.
This is white, 100%.
Grown in rough region, just like an African warrior.
It's delicious. With a great mentality.
- You mean minerality. - Yes, exactly,
that's what I said, minerality.
- I have a feeling I saw him somewhere before. - Quiet, I'm listening.
Can you smell the citrus fruit?
Grapefruit is obvious.
Isn't it like mango, as well?
THIS is not a fruit salad.
Do you like it, Rachid. You can appreciate good wine.
You couldn't make me happier.
And how is it going with the natives?
- Natives? - The people next door.
- They are really nice. - They are...
Yes, very nice.
Especially the ladies, really nice.
Little French women
are really great.
It's unusual to be an African winemaker, no?
It was tough at first. They were surprised,
when they saw me. But they accepted me.
They adopted me.
My problem isn't the Gauls,
- but the foreigners. - Foreigners?
Not foreigners like you.
Foreigners from foreign lands.
From South Africa, from Chile...from the countries that copy our French wines.
Do you realize that I, a small French producer,
was a victim of forgery?
You need to defend yourself.
- Who will defend me? - Him, he's a lawyer.
We are against a giant
company of big American lawyers.
You have to fight! It's unthinkable that the law would be set my some Americans.
- Never! Never. - This is our land.
Well. To the defense of our land.
TO OUR LAND.
This is a nice example
of integration. This proves that in our cities
people are more open than you think.
Do you have doubts, Rachid?
- Did I say that correctly? - You could have skipped
the part about the ladies.
That was just to spice up my personna.
20 minutes late.
That's Ivory Coast for you.
Here.
Ah!
Who is that? A driver?
That's not a driver. That's Nicolas.
Mama, papa, allow me to introduce Nicole.
Good evening.
Oh, my lord...
Come. Let's eat.
Enjoy.
You will not eat like this
in your new countries.
I will miss the beef and wine, true.
How noisy he is!
Isn't that Hebrew, David?
Hebrew... I guess.
It's Hebrew, but I don't understand. That man has a strong accent.
- I can't translate. - From where?
From Israel, I think.
From Israel, yes, but from which region, from which city?
We should ask him.
It's just a little dizziness, probably from stress.
Good night's rest should take care of it.
- Alright? - Thank you, doctor. - See you later.
Take me to Abidjan immediately.
We can't change the airlines tickets.
Why?
Because you always get the lowest fare.
Ah, yes.
The best advice I can give you is get away.
I opened a business in Israel 10 years ago.
Oh yes? In which business?
Atomic bomb shelters.
Do you sell a lot of it?
A lot! It's a warzone, all kinds of threats.
- Are you happy there? - Happy.
I'm very happy. But their mentality is something else.
- I know. I was told. - If you haven't been, you don't know.
- Have you been to Israel? - Sure.
- Women, beaches, parties...madness! - Not that! That's a vacation.
I'm talking about real life, about hardships. They are so stubborn!
There are whiners in France, but in Israel...
Do you speak Hebrew?
- Well? - Yes. No problem there.
Yes, in Netanya, 20 years already.
- What? - You were asking me
if my mother lives in Israel?
Right...let it be.
But you speak English, no?
The basics, yes.
The basics. You don't speak Hebrew or English...
it'll be tough to make living there.
Do you speak French?
Well...you'll see. Israel
is really magic.
I've been there for 10 years
and I drem of France every night.
But, I wish you a great Aliyah, my brother.
Did you torture him properly?
I gave him quite a treatment.
- What about my expenses? - What expenses?
The train, hotel, food. I'm not going to pay for it myself.
Oh, okay. How much?
Thank you. Goodbye.
It's good, he put a bug in his ear.
- Tomorrow, the final nail in the coffin. - Okay, wait...
- 650... - what are you doing?
I'm counting. At this rate, we'll go bankrupt.
Can't you loosen up a bit?
You can't put a price on family. How much is
- a full tank of petrol? - 82,14 Euros.
That's what I thought.
Can't sleep?
No. I don't know why, but I feel some pressure.
So do I. As if I am dying.
- Probably the tension before leaving. - Most likely.
The same for my brother.
- Very well, Sir. - Hey, boys!
Don't you have something for sleeping? I keep twisting and turning.
Whiskey is the best. The same for my brother.
Are you all brothers?
It's a long story.
- Is he your brother too? - The youngest one.
- Can't sleep? - No. I'm practicing my walk.
- At night? - I have no choice.
There are actors with great figures in Bollywood.
- Good night, brothers! - Do you think
that he'll succeed in India?
Of course not.
I feel strange that I will not see you again.
Me too.
I will really miss you.
- What a disaster! - It'll be alright.
It was tough with my parents at first as well.
Even with your parents?
When my father found out, the chased me with a machete.
- A machete? - But he is fine now.
I think. At least he put his machete away.
It's not that bad.
Your father is strong.
It broke my heart. Can I talk to him?
No, it's too soon.
Sorry, Nicole,
about this evening.
You need to eat. We have
a busy day today. We'll start with
a visit of d'Azay-le-Rideau castle. You'll get hungry.
It's one of the castles...
My father fell ill. Nothing serious, but...
I'm going back to Chinon.
What a pity! Just when the began to take the bait.
We don't have much luck.
- Why are you laughing? - I thought about
- Kofi. I so would like to be there. - Where?
In the restaurant. To see his face.
- Oh! Be nice. - Of courese.
- But it'd nice to see his face. - Stop it, Claude.
The expression on his face when he spotted her.
He finally saw her.
Stop. Let's go.
Poor André!
How are you?
Badly, very badly.
- It must have been a shock. - Terrible.
Understand, Claude, I have nothing against homosexuals.
There are a lot of them in my wife's family.
Please don't apologize.
I know you are open and tolerant.
The problem is that the world around us is changing rapidly.
Old men like us cannot keep up.
Exactly.
Too quickly.
And maybe too far.
Well, I suppose you'll cancel the wedding.
Madeleine doesn't want to. That's why she left me here.
- Seriously? - Oh, women...
We have so much to lose.
Even if it was a bit confused, I enjoyed the weekend.
- France is beautiful. - Very.
Everything worked out.
The director of Credit Mutual is really a bank director.
The Israeli was real.
The factory really exists.
- I hope so. - Do you still want to leave?
- Of course. - I'm just asking.
A perfect part of a winemaker.
I nailed it.
- Look, what do we have here? - It will be a great film.
Which other actors were there?
Nobody known, other than me. Just some nobodies.
But the producer
is Claude Verneuil, of the Henri Verneuil filmmakers.
The one who wrote the Big Brother.
- Unbelievable! - They paid actors!
- Bloody hell. - They don't want to get rid of us.
You are beautiful.
Like a light. Like a light in the tunnel under Seine.
A bit to the left. Good.
Great.
I'll let you get some rest.
Wait. Could you bring me
some ham, a bit of wine...
- Wine in your condition? - I need
to get myself together.
I'll bring it.
I don't want to order you around, but if you happen to go to town,
could you get me the newspaper?
- Newspaper? - Yes.
Lovely. Anything else?
What is this?
- He is practicing Othello. - No! After all I lost.
Well, he
This weekend opened my eyes.
I don't really want to leave France but Paris.
Are you listening?
Yes.
We'll be happier in the countryside.
We'll have a law office together. We'll fight for small producers.
What producers?
Wine, cheese, farmers...
What about my Algerian feminists?
Oh, no! It's not a good idea to meddle in foreign affairs. Look at Libya!
You are such an idiot! I even bought a Bikini.
Give them to some Algerian woman. At least she can carry on fighting.
Cancel it? But the wedding is in 3 days. I was so looking forward to it.
I haven't danced in ages, since the wedding of Charles and Laure.
You can still dance. There's be a party.
Did you choose a different church?
Oh, no, Father. It's just that... How should we...
It's not possible to have a wedding at a church.
Nicolas is Catholic, isn't he?
What religion is it this time?
Father, my daughter is lesbian.
Oh. Well... I can't help you there.
But you always
have some surprise up your sleeve.
Pardon me.
No!
It's about time!
- Who gave you the bell? - Your wife.
It's so practical in my condition.
Are you not well?
Fine, but I'm getting hungry.
Oh, Mr. is hungry. What would make him happy today?
I'd like to eat something African.
What a pity we don't have an African restaurant in Chinon.
Go to Tours.
There is good Cameroonian one, near the railway station.
Get me ndole with miondo and peppers.
I know it was tough for you.
But don't take advantage of it.
There are limits to everything.
Who gave you my pyjamas?
Your wife, she is nice, isn't she?
I'll poison that Bokassa. (*Bokassa - Central African brutal dictator)
Try harder! You show lack of motivation.
I'd like to talk to you about it. I'm not so sure I want to leave.
- Pardon? - I keep asking myself
if we aren't doing something stupid. We have a good life here.
But you said
- that you can't take it here anymore. - It's like in a marriage,
Something we love each other, something we hate each other.
- Is this some sort of a joke? - I am serious.
The only place where I can make a killing with my fridge is France.
We are the kings of aperitifs!
Well? Are we waiting for David?
What are you doing?
I'm heating up ndolé for André.
David called. He wants to see the factory.
Do you still want to invest the 30 000 Euros
- in his business? - You mean lose 30 thousand?
No. David will succeed.
- Of course, he will. - As far as Rachid and Isabelle,
they have some doubts about Algeria.
Really? What about the Chinese?
C H A O, Claude, Chao.
Well, sorry, Chao.
He is the toughest nut to crack.
He left his job, sold his flat,
but don't worry. It's not over until it's over.
- But this is impossible. - Please calm down, Sir.
- Relax, darling. - Sure. Sorry.
Why don't you give me my visa?
You must have a reason.
We don't let in
enemies of the state.
- Enemies of the state? - That's not possible.
You are a Tibetian activist.
- I have nothing to do with Tibet! - What are we going to do?
You left your work, we sold the flat.
I'm about to have a mini nervous breakdown.
- Get out of here! - Why is he talking to me like this?
We'll be back! We'll be back!
Who's the Queen of Photoshop?
Our 4th son-in-law's handiwork is complete.
You sly devil! I'll call Bouvier in the bank.
Credit Mutual in Chinon, yes.
- Yes. - I must be dreaming.
If someone told me, that I'll return to live here,
where I didn't want to be in the first place.
And I will return to Dr. Maertens' practice.
Maertens? Our dentist from when we were little?
That cruel man.
- We are ready! - AAAAH.
You are beautiful.
That dress is lovely!
Oh really? And what about me?
Oh, la la. It's the bomb!
What is it? What's with the honking?
Don't cry.
My husband refuses
to come.
Go on, I'll take care of it.
I don't need help.
It's above my abilities.
Stop being a drama king. Get up!
My health is deteriorating.
Your daughter is getting married and you are not going to walk her?
Precisely.
You'll regret it for the rest of your life.
Exactly. You can't give me any lectures.
Just think of your last wedding.
That's why. We accepted that
and we feel good about it.
I can't move at all.
The doctor said there is nothing wrong with you.
What charlatan! Which doctor?
You are as bigoted as I am.
I feel really sorry for you.
Not coming to the party?
What a blackmail! You can see I am weak.
Too bad, we are serving your favourite food.
Tournedos Rossini? (Decadent French steak with truffles and foie gras)
Yes. Tournedos Rossini.
Vivianne requested it for her father.
- She did that? - Yes, she did.
Here, keep this as a souvenir.
Tarte Tatin as a dessert. Oohhh.
It'll pass.
Stay.
- What's going on? - I changed the flavour.
- Oh? - I put Harissa flavour in.
I should eat some bread with it.
I have another ceremony soon. We have to start.
Start like this?
Can we please wait 5 more minutes?
We've waited for 45 already.
We have to start. It'll be alright.
Ladies and gentlemen, please.
- Let's begin. - Slowly. Are you trying
- rip my leg off? - I'm doing my best.
I am not some paramedic.
My dear daughter!
Papa!
- I love the Verneuil family. - Frenchmen all crazy.
- Not at all, Arash. - Yes. All very crazy.
Come now, Arash!
Kofi came to his senses, hey?
What should we toast to?
To France! The most beautiful land in the world!
Lovely.
To France!
A present for me? What's the occasion?
It's to thank you. We were all going to do something really stupid.
We don't know
what you did, but we are glad to stay here.
I did what I had to do as a Patriot and a head of family.
A kepi?
Not just any hat.
It belonged to General de Gaulle.
Oohh...
Yes!
I understand you.
Yvonne?
Where are you? Yvonne?
She is never where I need her.
To France!
3 months later... - Wait, I want to put in David's cheque.
No, I'm closing.
Come on, David's cheque, that's just a minute.
- Give it to me. I'll do it on Monday. - Wait.
You can put in mine as well.
Speaking of the Wolf of Wall Street...
I see you really trust me. I gave you the cheques like 15 minutes ago.
Start without me,
I have to stop by the factory.
You can go later. The aperitif is sacred in France.
There they are.
Lovely.
- I dedicated my book to you. - That's nice.
Thank you, Claude.
Tonnellé is forgotten. You didn't know about him.
But tell me honestly what you think about it.
It's my little Balzac.
We'll wait for the second part.
Granddad!
- There is our granddad. - Grandma!
The whole family is here. Fantastic!
It's so much joy. So great.