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In nature, all animals fight for survival.
The number of wild species in Romania has decreased over the last few years.
That's because many of these species
are unfortunately on the brink of extinction.
The hare is found in many areas of Romania,
starting from the Danube Delta up to the mountains.
However, they prefer the plain areas,
where they thrive.
In the savanna, for example,
the elephants have well-established family systems,
to ensure the continuity of their species.
Jackass!
The lion will reject a cub that's not his,
because it's interested in transmitting...
-Yo, where are you? - Wait, I didn't hear the alarm.
Hello?
- Where are we? - In Floreasca.
What? I'm at the courthouse! We have a hearing in 20 minutes.
Where are you?
I said I'd hook up only in the fifth district.
- Meaning? - Closer to the courthouse.
Kisses. Yesterday was wonderful.
For you maybe.
I don't think you realize the importance of the case.
Enough, don't panic, I'm coming now.
We won't get another adjournment. Pârvulescu will destroy us.
Breathe in, breathe out...
We'll see, we'll improvise, it will be fine.
This is no stand-up comedy.
This is a lawsuit, Iustin. People depend on us.
And the evening prior, you decided to go on a date!
You need to set up your priorities.
Okay, mommy!
Your mom follows me on Instagram.
What? Why isn't she on Facebook, like old people?
Okay, man, I'm coming!
An Americano, please. Two seconds, please.
You're nuts? There are 15 minutes left and you're having a coffee?
- It has no honey and no sugar. - Stop nagging me. See you there.
- Don't hang up. - Give me the coffee!
Don't hang up until you get here. Tell me the strategy.
- Do you want a purple or a green straw? - I want a straw with an umbrella!
It's easy. My plea will be based on...
I get it that you're frustrated. Let the anger out.
- Do you hear me? - We don't have umbrella straws.
I can't say "no" to my kid. Is that clear?
- Iustin! - They're just plastic straws! Here.
People are laughing at you for making a fuss.
Don't you say "no" to my child, okay?
Whoa! Stop the circus! According to art. 371 of the 286/2009 law,
you risk up to two years of jail time if you raise your voice at me.
Try me! And you are her accomplice, and you'd get six months,
but as a minor, you risk being locked up in a correctional center
or sleep in a sewer while your mom is in jail.
You know how to make meatballs? Do you?
Would you stop? You scared the child.
Here's your coffee. 12 lei.
And you can't sell plastic straws
since July 3rd, 2021, according to the EU Directive 904.
You may be poisoning children... You risk 12 years in jail.
- Mommy, will I go to jail? - You're not allowed to tell him "no".
God, I don't know who are the worst, parents or children.
Oh, my God! She went to the potty by herself.
You deserve a Nobel in Mathematics.
Instead of being there, I'm waiting for you, like a fool.
Since you've had children, you have become...
Responsible!
Annoying.
- Moreover, I know this case by heart. - God...
I'll bet I'd get an adjournment and defeat you in ten words.
Ten words? We're not students anymore, to play around.
We'll do ten words related to babies.
If I say them all and I also obtain the adjournment...
- You'll play the goby for Pârvulescu. - Okay.
- Song included! - Okay.
Who's the judge today?
Taking into account the complexity of the case,
as well as Mr. Tomescu's income, we request a 5,000 euros alimony.
Of course, we can use big words or even speak in Latin.
We all know veritas extras nos...
but things are simpler than that.
We can give the baby the bottle, so he stops crying of hunger,
to change his diaper when...
Please, get to the point!
Wouldn't it be better to teach him to eat alone and to manage in life?
Objection! We can't compare the client with a baby!
I don't want to do that.
Both my client and I believe that Mrs. Tomescu can manage alone.
She's not helpless.
She doesn't need a potty, a pacifier, a stroller, to be swaddled or rocked...
- Counselor, please! - A bib...
Your Honor, this plea is offending, it's a mockery!
Let's not make a tantrum here!
Counselor, please get to the point!
- Boo, your Honor! - Counselor!
I'm sorry, but it scares me that it has come this far.
Isn't it enough that we infringe the old family tradition,
which overcomes everything for the sake of the child,
and, furthermore, we deprive the father of seeing his own child?
Without common custody, the alimony is out of question.
We request a one-week adjournment for more evidence to the case.
Counselor, this is the last adjournment I offer you for this lawsuit.
Also take into account a possible reconciliation.
- Lady stenographer, please note. - Colics.
Did you caught this pike?
Cool.
I've always wondered how you...
How did you manage to piss off both the judge and the client?
- Come on, it wasn't that serious. - It wasn't serious?
It was published in CanCan!
I've explained that we don't catch big fish with dynamite.
We throw the net and wait patiently.
Why do you think Vlăduț is here?
- To learn from the very best. - Of course!
Mr. Pârvulescu is the best lawyer in town.
I don't want us to swim in a fish tank, Iustin.
What did you do in the court?
It's a game with Călin about how many words related to a subject matter
can be used during the plea...
"Babies" in this case... But it fits so well!
Even you have a newborn now.
At your age, you're still a charmer...
- Of the roe that... - Stop it!
Let me make it clear for you to understand.
Tomescu wants full custody, while you said joint custody.
The mother's income from royalty rights can also be considered,
- as well as other sources. - Write it down.
Vlad will also be involved in the case, in order to monitor you.
- Got it? - In extremis vitae...
At death's door, I'm like a guardian angel for you.
And I'll be to you as erectum en la boca if you keep...
If it wasn't for your mother asking me to take care of you, you'd be fired.
- Do you know what you need, boy? - A salary increase.
A girl to knock some sense into you and make you grow up.
With all due respect, sir, I admire you and thank you for the opportunity,
but I'm sick of always be treated as a slow teenager.
Of course I have my weak moments,
when I let myself go with the flow,
but I'm actually a responsible and mature man!
I'm a little goby fish!
Come and catch me a little bit! Come and catch me.
Whoa! Mr. Pârvulescu, you caught me! What a skilled fisher you are!
Mr. Pârvulescu, have mercy! Kiss me and let me go, Mr. Pârvulescu!
You may do whatever you want, but I have a family.
Yes, man... Admit it, it was funny.
Pârvulescu said that if I do this again, he'll send me to the loony bin.
You are fine...
apart from that awkward time when you were collecting Pokemons...
No, you jackass! To lawsuits sued by loonies.
A hag asking for compensation from the government
because Stephen the Great burned her land in 1467
and her vine hasn't been growing since.
Yes. Or a thief who sues the Romanian Police for catching him.
- So what if they caught him? - It was an official day off
and he says civil servants should have been home.
Tempting.
No problem, jackass. If this country wasn't full of fools and loonies,
we would be ten lawyers, at most.
Iustin?
I wanted a feedback from you in the lawsuit about energy.
Now? Right now? I had a day...
No... Anything for the boss's daughter,
but can you go to the kitchen, 'cause I'm a little hungry...
- I've read the stenographer's record. - And?
You looked into my eyes when you mentioned the "babies".
It's a stupid game from college.
Hello? Yes?
Yes?
It's your biological clock.
It says we should give your swimmers a fish tank to play in.
Amalia, chill. Amalia...
Amalia, chill, stop it! Amalia!
We're just friends and we're getting along just fine.
Stop it.
Hang up the imaginary phone!
You misunderstood me. I don't want a child right now! What the fuck?
We haven't even kissed and we're talking about babies! God forbid!
Let's get out of here,
or your father will make me shark bait if he catches us.
But I'm happy everything's clear, okay?
I don't care what my father thinks. I'll call you when I'm ovulating.
Sorry.
My leg!
Amalia is not that type of girl.
- You're afraid I'll steal her? - You don't deserve a girl like her.
Just as you don't deserve this job, persona non grata!
Man, you're such a nerd! You don't even know how to talk to girls!
I know exactly how to talk to the fair sex!
- Vlad, come to the meeting. - Certus!
- What were you saying? - I'm breathing down your neck
waiting for your next mistake. I'm sure it will happen.
You won't change after a chat or a threat. You are not a good boy!
Sorry, but I feel an erotic energy...
Unbelievable! Everything is a joke for you.
On the contrary, I'm very serious. I'm going home to study the case.
I'll become one with the case.
OX
You live in a super cool place... It's industrial chic.
Yes, it's perfect for parties with random people.
Super cool!
Clean up the place before you leave
'cause my mom is bringing me a special parcel tomorrow.
I hope it'll be a salad.
In a sec!
Just a sec! I'm naked!
Right away, mom! I can't find the key!
This is from...
the storage room...
This is the car key...
If you don't open the door now...
I count to five...
Four...
Three...
Mom...
Okay...
What are you doing? I told you I had a surprise for you.
Be careful!
I have a sister?
Mom, what the fu...?
I mean, I'm happy, but with...
I hope it was with my dad, may God rest his soul...
I don't know if you know but my daddy... our daddy is not...
She's not your sister! You were enough for me to realize
that this family has no reason to perpetuate farther.
She's Maya, your goddaughter.
Maya, godfather Iustin. Iustin, goddaughter Maya.
- Nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you, Mara.
Come sit on the couch, sweetheart.
This is my house, where I allow Iustin to live until... he grows up.
Maya wants to become a singer.
And in Talea there are no music schools.
So she needs a relocation to Bucharest,
so we can enroll her in a school here, until her parents return from Spain.
Therefore...
she'll stay with her godfather Iustin.
Wait a moment, what's this godfather thing about?
I have no connection with the Mob, and I've never seen this girl in my life!
Should you have listened more carefully, you would have known that eight years ago
your father and I had baptized the child of some people dear to us,
that helped us with the house in the countryside, at Talea.
But you said you had a big lawsuit in Amsterdam, I don't know...
which lasted over the weekend, the Red District...
Okay, I got it. What are you suggesting?
I've already done the relocation for her to my flat.
- What flat? - This one.
Now I understand the message on your t-shirts.
Mom, please. I already told you
it was a line I'm going to launch in the future when...
Three T-shirts are no line, a triangle at most.
Maya? Please bring grandma a glass of water.
Although I'm not old yet.
And this is not a flat. It's a commercial space, okay?
When I asked you to rent it,
you said you didn't like the fact that it was a commercial space.
You now have the opportunity to give the flat a noble use.
Did you find the cat?
Sorry, the glasses aren't here.
It'll take some time for me to get used to it.
I've taken care of you my entire life.
Now it's time to take care of myself, especially since I've been in menopause.
I cashed all the money for the land, and I want to go to a retreat with Alan,
to rediscover myself,
to rediscover my femininity, my sexuality...
Whoa, enough! No details, please!
- So you hooked up with an American. - Yes, he's waiting for me downstairs.
He got his citizenship two months ago?
So, the child stays with you...
in this space, and you'll take care of her.
Here's her school enrollment, her birth certificate,
her parents' contact information... and the power of attorney.
My God, what's that?
A photo with Alan and me taken last night.
He's so hairy! Why can't I take my eyes off it?
- Okay, I deleted it! - Mom, that's not how WhatsApp works.
It's already in the phone and in my memory for eternity.
Another trauma, another therapy...
What was the psychologist's name again? Is she still alive?
- Bye! - Bye.
Mom! Mom, I can't take care of a child.
I can barely take care of myself. I have lawsuits, things to do...
It's only for one month. Either do that, or you find a place to live.
I also left you some food.
- Thanks. - Thanks!
Behave yourselves!
So how's the goddaughter doing?
Does she like singing?
Anything wrong with your teeth?
I was being nice.
- I'm eight, you can speak normally. - Okay.
If you were normal, you wouldn't keep people locked in the closet.
What do I do now? Do you want to watch Baby Shark on the tablet?
- Baby Shark? - Sorry, I...
What would you like to listen to? Music hits?
Excuse me for a moment.
Jackass, let me tell you what my mom brought me!
Sofia has "mouth-hand-foot".
Mouth, hands, feet.
You dumb shit! The disease.
The thing is that Ileana is away, she can't stay with them,
and I have a case.
Nothing complicated... Petru!
Nothing complicated. A prenuptial agreement, almost done.
So your bro is asking you
to fill in for me, pretty please, for a half an hour at most.
The thing is I have my own guerrilla situation and I can't.
I'm begging you!
I'll lose the fee and then... Petru!
Petru!
I need it badly, as you know.
I have my goddaughter with me. It's complicated, I can't...
Man, I beg you! After all you've done to me yesterday... really?
Petru, leave... Petru!
Hello?
Călin? Hello!
Give me the phone! Please...
I'm buying all the beers this month. I beg of you!
Okay... Listen...
- Hang on. - Călin...
- Petru, please... - Călin!
Petru, goddamn...
My head is going to explode. I need a coffee now.
Chop-chop, never lose sight of me and always look for me, okay?
Come on!
Today you'll come with me at work. Be quiet with your coloring book,
maybe watch some wicked vloggers and the day will pass quickly.
Everything will be fine.
Hello. I want two espresso grande. What kind of coffee do you drink?
- I don't drink coffee, I'm a child. - Right.
Two espresso grande and...
a hot chocolate or a hot milk...
- It's 40 degrees outside! - Would you like an ice cream?
- With French fries? - God forbid, no!
A Happy Meal, please.
Give this to me. Give it here.
Maya! God!
I told you a thousand times we should take care of the animals, okay?
I also told you they hurt, even if they are stuffed animals.
It's okay, Iustin saved him.
Wow, Maya, what a nice rabbit! What's his name?
- Fido. - What a nice name!
Indeed, but I don't want to know your name.
I want you to tell me something more important.
What?
The day and time of your birth to build your astrological chart.
- Fido was a present from my uncle. - Right.
My cheerful uncle who drinks a lot and who sometimes in the evening
puts a plastic bag over Fido's head,
because he doesn't like the way Fido looks at him.
What? God! She's joking!
It's a lie. That's a lie, right?
It's... Admit it's a lie.
Admit it, Maya. Admit that's a lie... Yuck!
- You're sick! - No, I'm Pisces!
If you are an air sign, we can overcome anything!
I hope you're not Gemini, because that would be bad.
And Mercury is retrograde...
- What's wrong with you? - That's because you hurt Fido.
Okay...
Okay. This is how you wanna play.
- Thank you. - You're welcome.
Yes, Vlad, I'm coming. See you at the office. Bye!
I'll leave you with aunt Aurica.
I'll go figure out the contract and come back and get you, OK?
I don't want to stay with foreign people.
You're lucky. She's Romanian.
- Yes, dear. - Good day, aunt Aurica.
What a nice gown! She's Maya, my goddaughter.
I'll leave her with you for two hours. Is that okay?
- Fine, dear. - Come on.
I bought it from Carrefour.
What? No...
Aunt Aurica... the girl, I mean. The girl will stay with you.
There's nobody at the Administration.
The girl, ma'am! The girl will stay with you!
Yes, dear, yes!
- The priest will bless the house. Bye! - The girl, ma'am.
- Bye... - Are you okay? Ma'am?
Damn you all! You want everything for free!
PÂRVULESCU AND ASSOCIATES
I have important problems at work, so please behave, okay?
Fine, so it's possible.
- Come on. - I'm not taking the elevator.
- It's on the 18th floor. We have to. - I'm not taking the elevator.
I understand that,
but you must get in the elevator, Maya, now!
- What the hell! I'm late! - You cursed.
Give me ten lei. This is how I do with grandma.
One more year with me and you'll get yourself a car!
Tell me, why don't you want to go?
- I'm scared. - Oh, you're scared!
Then let me help you overcome your fear! See what a modern parent I am?
Wellness, mindful, progressive...
No!
It's just an elevator. See?
Did you know the chances for an elevator getting stuck
are ten in 10,000 rides?
Eighteen floors multiplied by 20 people, multiplied by five days.
This means 97,650 rides, up and down.
That is if it didn't get stuck by now.
So there's a chance for it to get stuck now, with us inside.
- I told you so! - What the...?
I feel so hot. Do you feel hot too? It's like...
"You told me so"... You rather put the idea in my head.
I can't breathe.
Come on, we'll die in here!
When did they last check on this shit? Damn...
You also said that word that rhymes with "duck".
Maybe from now on you'll stop treating me as if I were a baby.
Sponge Girl, wait for me here and behave as we agreed, okay?
I see the fruits of your eccentric youth.
- So you're a daddy! - Part-time only.
Please, stop. She's my goddaughter. Shouldn't you be plugged in to recharge?
- Have you fixed the diacritics? - I will, yes.
- Which room is the Pop family in? - Room 203. They're waiting.
As usual.
I know, I was late, but I really have a problem today.
- Please, don't be upset with me! - But I'm not upset.
Don't start now! Please, don't start.
- Start what? She did nothing! - She knows very well what.
Whoa, Iustin! Really? Don't get angry, she's just a child!
He has the right to be angry with me. If I do foolish things, it's my fault.
- But you did nothing! - I did, I'm cheeky.
Stop it! I said stop it! Enough!
Dads are bossy. Where dad hits, it'll grow, right?
- Really? She's just a child! - I'll call security!
- Madam... No! Shut up! - Sorry!
- Patria protestas! - Calm down! Why are you so angry?
I'm not angry!
Do you have kids? Do you? Shut it!
You give advice before having kids... and after that, nothing!
I have about five.
- What's wrong? - Looks like our colleague
has medieval methods of raising his goddaughter.
- He beats her now and then. - No! God!
He's joking...
Well done, Iustin! As my father used to say: beating is a gift of Heaven.
I'm happy to see there are people
who still use traditional educational methods.
Of course.
Just make sure to mention that it hurts you more than it hurts her.
- Of course. - Did you find a band for the baptism?
I have a few options. I won't let you down.
Great!
Happy fishing, everybody! I only want to see sturgeons!
Get to work! We have our offices at "ONE" for a reason.
Hello, Mr. Radu. Did Călin leave a file for me here?
He did, Iustin.
It's around here somewhere.
Did he pass it to you?
Yes... He chose a day...
Precisely today, when I have to look after my goddaughter.
"Goddaughter"?
- Yes, I know, it's a huge responsibility. - It's a trap.
A path of no return.
You are a successful man.
When people find out you are a godfather, more will come.
It's a lifelong commitment you can't escape!
I have three godsons for whom I pay as if they were mine.
Birthdays, Christmas, Easter, plus unforeseen events!
These are the most painful, because they're not planned.
Do you think I enjoy staying in this room? No! But I needed a third job!
One of my godsons is a little bit of a punk.
I hope I'll manage to put him to jail. I have no money for three universities.
Do you think it's okay to smoke with all these papers around?
The thing is
that if, at least, they were mine...
You know what I mean.
And an even worse problem
is that you only have responsibilities and no benefits!
You have to give everything, and what do you get instead?
They get your name... the second name...
the one nobody mentions on Facebook...
They found out about it by mistake...
The little ones won't even bring you a glass of water when you're old.
They won't invite me to their wedding,
which is great, otherwise, it would means more money.
Yeah, well... Mr. Radu, I...
- I'll leave. - Okay, Iustin, go.
Did you know this godfather thing started in the communist era?
When Romanians couldn't make friends because everybody was a snitch...
Therefore, you had to create relatives just to be able to joke about Ceaușescu!
So that's it. Great, it's a sheer formality,
an extremely favorable nuptial agreement for both parties, I'd say.
In case of a separation...
- Very unlikely. - Right...
Future Mr. Pop will keep the duplex flat in Dorobanți,
the lands in Cernica and the Porsche 911.
Yes, but it's quite a big amount...
It's about everything I gathered all my lifetime.
Or a small amount for a true love.
Yes, that's what I wanted to say. Besides, you have a big, fat pension.
I was thinking we could share that, too.
Legally.
But I don't see how this is mutually beneficial, come on!
That's why I find it even harder to sign now...
No, pussycat, it's not like that!
I fell in love with you because you had built something,
because you are a strong woman, witty and ambitious...
Really! And my heart beats so fast
for you, just for you.
See? Do you feel it beating?
Boom-boom-boom...
Shall we go back to...?
Let's go back.
So the contract comes into effect only in the unlikely case of a separation.
- Only death will separate us. - I figured.
So...
Excuse me, my goddaughter...
- I need to pee. - Do it, I'll change your diaper after.
What are you doing in here? An inheritance, a will?
- Funny little girl! - Funny, yes!
Come on... I'll be right back.
- Are you done? - I can't pee here! It's dirty!
- Stand with the feet on the seat. - I'll wet my dress.
In that case, you'll say it's water, like any normal person.
Come on.
Please...
- Is it okay? - Yes, it's okay.
But I still can't do it. How can you pee there?
- I pee standing. I'm a boy. - It's not fair.
- Why? - This is no gender equality.
Great! A feminist who doesn't know how to pee!
I peed standing!
Well done! See how many things I can teach you?
Now you'll stay there and behave until the hag signs.
I saw she liked you very much.
- We're back. - Come on...
- Where were we? - Signing the contracts.
Right. Let's do it.
You, too. These...
Yes.
Is he your son?
Well, you could say that, but we're getting married.
Why?
Because we love each other, that's why.
Yes, because we love each other.
- And age is just a number. - With how many zeros?
Wow, she's so sweet!
- She's so clever!! - Yes...
See how it works... When you reach a certain age, you don't care anymore.
You simply don't care anymore and you want to enjoy
all the nice things life has to offer,
you want to have someone by your side, you know?
You don't care about all the details, you simply go with the flow
and go with the flow of old age.
Here, look.
What?
- Are you 35 years old? - I am...
- You told me you were 25! - I am...
Pussycat... wait... I told you I was "around"...
Today you are 35, tomorrow you'll be 40 and it's over!
Only five more years with you in a good shape! That's it!
What? You will die in five years! You count your farts every step you take!
- No, God... - So this is the flow of old age!
- Yes, it's like that! - No way! I won't accept this!
Let's...
You won't accept it? You're nuts! I won't accept, got it?
You missed the chance of a lifetime, my crazy bitch!
- And you can forget about the fee! - Wait!
I won't sign this marriage contract! I'll tear it into pieces!
I don't want to hear a thing!
I only asked a few questions. It's not my fault they broke up.
Tell Călin about it. He missed the fee
and his children will end up as drug addicts on the streets
- because of this. - You're exaggerating. Are you?
I don't know. I'll let you sleep tonight with that thought in mind.
You really think those people should have gotten married?
We can't decide what other people do.
You ask too many complicated questions for an eight year old.
To me, it seems rather easy to figure out those people don't match.
- Hello! - God forbid.
Let's take the elevator. If we're going to die, that's it.
I knew you were just pretending, but, in fact, you like kids.
- Amalia, nice to meet you. - Maya.
She's my colleague, the boss's daughter and she climbed the stairs
and she's going back because...
I want to inform you that we haven't finished that important case yet,
the deadline is close
and the client is a very serious one, not to be disappointed.
Otherwise, substantial damage will be claimed,
both morally
and physically.
See you soon.
So? Will you have sex with her?
So we have to stay together exactly...
still 30 days.
Please behave normally, okay?
If you don't want to help, at least don't get in my way.
Fine.
What?
There's nobody.
Wow, Maya is choking... Big deal.
Wow, help, please!
Look, I don't like this situation either. I perfectly understand you...
Whoa, what are you doing? Holding your breath?
Very funny, we laughed a lot! Your tricks won't work with me!
Is she okay? Looks like she's choking!
Don't worry, she likes to fool around.
Maya, stop it. People are looking at us.
- She doesn't seem to pretend. - Do something!
Man, are you crazy?
This is how one develops antibodies.
Move! Move aside!
The child!
Unbelievable!
- Take some water. - Not now, can't you see I'm busy?
- She recovered. - Unbelievable!
She's fine. All right, she's okay.
See what happens when you do pranks all day long? Nobody believes you anymore!
We believed her!
Are you all right?
She's so beautiful and pretty.
I am okay.
- Are you sure you are okay? - Sure.
Something got into your eye?
What's that, a gang sign?
Whoa... What? Who are you calling? No...
- Miss, please tell me if you are okay. - God, Batman is real and he's Romanian!
Yes, I am okay.
Don't move! What's your business with this girl?
- Stop it, it was just a prank. - What prank? What's going on?
I have all the documents in my phone. I'm the girl's godfather.
Your face...
Birth certificate...
Vaccines list...
- What? - You sicko!
Why do you have animal porn in your phone?
No, it's a photo of my mother and her lover!
I can explain!
I understood the confusion.
Everything is fine.
Sorry for being overzealous, but kids must be protected at all costs.
With the cost of my life, almost.
Maya, see what you have done?
At least you have learned the signs people make
when they are in danger and wants to draw attention.
- Have a nice evening. - There's an old lady
selling parsley a little farther. Don't miss her.
I'm sorry. I didn't think he would be so tough.
We'll talk about it at home, you devil!
You think you can do whatever you want...
Go to your room and think about what you have done. Go!
- Why are you looking at me? - I don't have a room.
Go to the bedroom.
- Are you sure? - Yeah.
So, the bedroom is my room?
- Yes. - Okay.
- Sure? - Sure!
IF A CHILD LIES, WE DON'T SAY THAT
WE SAY: DID YOU IMAGINE THAT?
I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU ARE ANGRY, BUT IT'S NOT OK TO HIT ME
IF THE CHILD BITES YOU OR PULLS YOUR HAIR, DON'T REACT
GIVE THE CHILD DIFFERENT CHOICES
THE CHILD MUSTN'T FEEL YOUR ANGER. LOCK YOURSELF IN THE BATHROOM
LET THE CHILD SCREAM TO MANIFEST EMOTIONS
DON'T TELL THE CHILD: EAT!
WE DON'T SAY BRAVO, WE SAY GOOD JOB
THE CHILD DOESN'T NEED TO EAT THE WHOLE PLATE
I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU ARE ANGRY
WAIT UNTIL THE CHILD CALMS DOWN
UNDERSTAND THE CHILD
DON'T SAY: DON'T DRINK TOO MUCH WATER
Are you hungry?
What are you doing?
What's this?
What?
My God... No... These are my drawings.
This one has no place here... neither has this one...
- This one neither... - Wait...
Not here! Don't touch here!
- Take down at least one... - No, please!
Take it down. Same for this one, okay?
Miss... miss, things won't stay like this, got it?
When you talk like that, you look older than you are.
You said this was my room. Did you say so? You did.
How the heck do you see me old? If I slap...
Have I reached your limit and now your father is coming out?
Little girl, watch your mouth. We're not on familiar terms.
You've been very cheeky and crossed all the limits of common sense!
You're tickling me!
Stop laughing, you make me even angrier!
It's okay. When we get angry, all monsters come out.
- Monsters? - Monsters.
That's enough! I'll bring the hammer down!
Get out of there! Move!
Monsters...
I won't suffer more than you will.
It's okay. Children don't get beatings nowadays.
- No? - No.
Well...
How are they educated then?
Children beating is considered a lack of control of the adult,
it has nothing to do with education.
But...
- May I say "I made you, I'll kill you"? - No.
- May I say I'll take you to a foster home? - No.
- That I'll give you to gyps... - No! Definitely, no.
At least that you're cheeky?
That's labeling, and I'll behave according to the label.
At least may I tell you to stay in your room, not to move,
stay there quietly because if I hit you...
I'll hit your head against the walls. Can't I?
It's not okay to leave a child alone with his emotions.
God!
God, it's awful to be a parent nowadays.
I suggest you go on the couch and think about what you have done.
What's your problem with me?
What do you have against me, why are you doing this to me?
Well, it's funny to see how adults take themselves so seriously.
But, at the end of the day,
I'm only an eight year old little girl who loves doing pranks.
- Talk to me. - How's it going? Did they sign?
- No, they... broke up. - Man, are you really a jackass?
How come? It was a done deal!
Călin, honestly, you really think those people should have married?
Have you got a moral compass? Are you gonna ruin Tomescu case, too?
No, man, that one is under control.
Boss called me to a tennis match, to fix the relationship with him
and then I'm gonna destroy them, after I take the kid to school.
Right, how is it going with her?
Man, I swear I don't understand how people have children.
They lie to us, that's why we make them.
They literally suck the life out of us.
I see them feeding on our unhappiness and frustration.
You can't sleep anymore, you are up to your neck in poop and vomit
and when you think it's over, no...
After that, they start biting you.
Then they pass on all diseases measles, impetigo...
Plague! Everything you avoided when you were little
you get now, and you don't just get it... you get it really bad.
They handle it very well, you have fever, but collect dolls and Lego pieces
and you can see the spark in their eyes while they destroy you...
Why am I talking in a low voice?
Because I locked myself in the bathroom.
This is the only place where I can have a little peace.
We are like strangers, Ileana and I.
It's as if we were working in an auto parts factory.
There's no more romance between us. It's over two years since we've had
- S-E-X. - God!
Be happy nobody takes you seriously and nobody has your child.
Be happy you can escape quickly.
Be happy you are not a real man.
And then, when they look at you for a second...
and you see those little eyes...
you love them even more...
You love them so much that it hurts!
One. I'm glad to hear you speaking faster. Good, it's possible.
Two. I won't leave things like this.
I'll fight her with her own weapons. If she wants a war, she'll have one.
No, man. It's not like that. You have to be calm with the kids...
- Daddy's pooping! - What have I told you?
This is my place, this is my moment of happiness!
What? What time is it?
God, you woke up at seven?
Fido is nervous, it's the first day of school.
Believe me, sleep while you don't have responsibilities,
because you won't have time later.
- Tell Finger to sleep, as well... - Fido! And, by the way, I'm hungry.
The kitchen is over there.
Unbelievable!
Listen...
What are all these drawings about?
They are... some ideas of mine.
I was thinking about making a comic book, something stupid.
I really like them!
- Really? - Really.
Say it!
For this, I'll make you a Iustin-style sandwich.
First comes the ketchup topping...
- But it's too much! - You'll get used to it.
I thought about what you told me about traumas,
so I warn you that the biggest childhood traumas
come from school, actually. The school is a dangerous place.
It's like a jungle full of beasts who want to eat you alive.
I'll tell you this: if somebody comes to "baptize" you in front of the class,
choose the beating, you'll be less traumatized.
Or you'll spend the rest of your life being sorry for not fighting back.
I still hate you, Codin!
Look where I am now
while you have reached the peak of your life in the 7th grade!
Can I please ask you to stop screaming? We are in the middle of the street.
I'm sorry, but you must be prepared for everything, okay?
Take care of yourself. Be prepared for the worst.
But it looks nice here.
It's just a disguise. Don't be fooled.
Come here for a sec.
Come here.
I got you something.
- What's this, hairspray? - The hairspray of death, maybe.
No. It's military grade pepper spray.
This is a school. Are you sure it's okay to have this?
The law is lame about this, trust me.
So...
After releasing the trigger and spraying in both their eyes,
put it in the victim's hand while they squirm.
It's easy. Come on.
Ready!
Come on.
I'll leave you here. This much school makes me sick.
I'll stay a while.
Thank you for coming. Talk to you next week.
- Okay. Thank you. - Goodbye.
- Hello. - Hello. She's Maya.
Hello, Maya. Come in, please.
PRINCIPAL BOGDAN
Principal Bogdan...
It's a little bit confusing.
I don't know whether it has a feminine version
although you are extremely feminine.
I don't judge... sorry... I mean...
It's obvious that you are feminine... independent...
Hello, Maya. I welcome you for the testing period.
All the details are here.
The audition will be on Monday.
Then we will see exactly what are your musical skills, okay?
- Will it be difficult? - Nothing we like is difficult, right?
Objection! I'm a lawyer, in case you didn't...
I also like you, for instance,
but I find it difficult to ask for your phone number
because we have just met.
It's okay to be nervous on your first day.
But you are a lawyer, right? And you have a lawsuit to take care of.
Right. It's true. I apologize. I'll be back later to pick her up.
You made me... It was a pleasure. Right, thank you.
We are not blood relatives.
Fine. It means you passed the first test.
You better win if you play with my dad.
- He's very competitive, almost violent. - Thank you for the added pressure.
We could release this pressure if...
Amalia, honestly... I'm having a difficult time
and I want to end this awkward thing between us,
because it doesn't do us any good!
You are smart, you are...
- You are beautiful, but... - It's okay, Iustin, I got it.
- Really? - Of course.
I'm really glad, honestly.
- I'm so relieved. - Daddy!
I'm...
I'm dishonored, daddy.
I didn't want to...
Iustin came over me in the bathtub, daddy.
He broke my Sunday collar, daddy!
Sunday collar?
- I don't know what to do, daddy! - Amalia...
- I don't know! - Amalia...
- Congratulations. We're together again. - Great!
- Good! - Amalia, what did you say? Are you okay?
No, daddy! It's my allergies!
As sensitive as your mom.
- Come on, Iustin, we're warmed up! - Hello, sir!
I thought you won't come!
I'm with Mr. Tomescu, because someone has to take care of him.
But be careful, this game will be played without a keyboard!
I'm sorry about the hearing,
but don't worry, we have a very good plan and everything will be fine.
- If you win today, we forget everything. - Sine iustitia, nulla libertas.
He needs a software update.
- Let's throw the dynamite! - Daddy, am I not going to play?
Maybe later. Keep the score for now.
Have you found a lady?
There's plenty of fish in the sea!
- Did you find a plus one for the baptism? - A very cool girl, you'll like her.
She's the right choice: smart, clever, with glasses... your type.
Does she use diacritics?
Yes, I know. From now on, I will use them too, in all my reports.
- Let's destroy them. - Let's!
Man!
- Hey, I am Maya. - Ivan, nice to meet you.
- What are you doing? - Just sitting.
It seems you need some balance in life.
Sorry to interrupt, but we may want to swing too.
There are other playgrounds as well.
Do you really think I still use the swing?
I'm a grown up, I already have a TikTok account.
- Okay, we're leaving. - Maybe we won't let you leave.
- You mean... never? -"Never?"
Hey, leave him alone!
- Are you sure? - You said it.
Good!
I said throw the dynamite and you're fishing barehanded?
No... I want to confuse them first. I'll throw the surprise later.
- Are you okay? - Yes...
Let's find me a boy to ask for my friendship!
You know what... be careful where you sit.
She doesn't know how to apologize. She speaks chickens' language.
We'd better talk to her in the language she understands.
- Excuse me. - Look here, some loot.
Yeah...
I don't know where to begin.
But let's...
Why did she have a military grade pepper spray on her?
They started it.
Look, Maya, that's true.
Sometimes we get angry and feel like breaking someone's head, but we don't,
because we live in a society and we have to observe its rules.
We may do anything, but never be violent.
I completely agree. However, it seems to me
that this kind of experiences develop a strong personality.
Okay, they fought, now it's over. Now, let's make peace.
One of the parents threatened to sue us.
Let's see him trying. Based on what?
We have four cases of temporary blindness, two concussions from falling down,
a sprained ankle and a Burberry blouse from which the smell cannot be removed.
- What about evidence? - Witnesses, our 360 cameras
and a TikTok post that has already gone viral.
- Can't we reach an agreement? - This is no joke.
Will you expel me?
No, Maya, no. I'll talk to the parents and I'll fix it.
But we can't do that again, okay?
So go home and think about what you have done. Okay?
- Okay. - Okay.
You should know that...
I'm very proud of you for not letting them step on you.
Well done.
It may not be okay to use a pepper spray at school,
but... the kids are still beasts.
What is it? Why are you crying?
Why are you crying?
Do you want...
Let me give you...
Do you want some chocolate? Look... melted chocolate.
- Don't you want to feel better? - No...
Come on...
You have an audition on Monday, you have to be in good shape!
The girls...
I don't understand... I really don't...
What's wrong with you? Are you in that time of the month?
- What time of the month? - The one with blood?
- Is there a period with blood? - No! My God, no!
What's wrong with you? I don't get it!
The girls...
The girls from the school said I was from the countryside!
Stop it, please... Please, don't cry...
But why are you crying?
Because I can't stand seeing you that sad...
Calm down. Everything will be okay.
No, it won't! Damn beasts!
And you, Codin, you left me naked in front of the class,
I still hate you!
Come on!
Do you want us to buy you a beer?
A big one? And cold?
An IPA? With a UFC match?
- A big one? - Yes.
Not bad.
Or would you like us to do something together?
- What? - Pranks.
Let's go destroy the others.
Let's!
No hands!
Come on!
Give me some!
Rope!
Stop!
Do you think these were pranks or we were just mean to these people?
We may have gone a bit too far.
I'm so happy you liked school!
I was afraid you wouldn't fit in...
I miss you, I can't wait to see you, there's little time left.
- I miss you too. - We love you, dear, we love you!
- Kisses, bye! - Bye!
Kisses from me, too, bye!
Listen... Why does the day come after night?
Say it!
The sun comes up and does "meow", then it goes to sleep...
Say it!
Go to sleep.
Do you have something you like? Tell me!
Researchers say that, if we do what we like, we live longer.
- I like to sleep. - How old are you?
The candle!
Boo!
Do you know we live on a rock that floats in space?
Why is the grass green? Where is the rain water coming from?
- Did you know unicorns exist? - Sleep...
Pillow fight!
Listen...
Why doesn't anyone want me?
My parents left me with Olga, Olga left me with you...
Will you leave, too?
What?
God, no...
Where could I go?
Do you think they'd let me cross the border with this face?
I wouldn't like Spain.
Everybody observes the law there.
I would die of hunger in two weeks.
Promise?
Promise.
Come on, sleep.
You tired little girl, my God...
Great.
GASTRONOMY
Listen... Don't you think you're too old to get lunch bags from grandma?
I think it's about time you learned how to cook.
I don't even know where to start. What's your favorite food?
French toast. My mom used to make the best ones.
And how are they made?
With tomatoes...
cheese... bread... milk... eggs...
Sounds good.
But we'll buy them locally. We're from the countryside anyway.
Talea forever!
And tomatoes!
What did mom use to get rid of the stains?
Being an adult is difficult.
The colored one.
- Grandma doesn't use that for stains! - Let's try something new.
It says stains are removed at once. It's perfect.
- Maybe it'll wash my reputation too. - Hard to believe.
Use the rhythm!
Tomato up!
Look here.
Leave that tablet aside.
I read on your websites that too much screen time is bad.
Did you hear me?
You're driving me nuts with that tablet. Drop it, you'll destroy your life!
What are you doing?
I compose music and learn Spanish at the same time.
- Perdon. - Perdona me.
But why are you nervous?
- He drives me crazy with the diacritics. - Just put them and that's it.
It's a matter of principle.
Somehow, the idea is less important
than some commas invented by someone who was probably drunk.
They seem pretty to me. For instance, "Ș" is like a little snake.
"Â" is like a little jumping rabbit.
"Ă" is like a sloth in the rain,
holding a pot over his head, so it doesn't get wet.
"Ț" is like a venom-spitting cobra.
Thank you.
Do you know what I'd like you to sing?
"Happy birthday" for my birthday, sometime... only if you can.
You have a very nice voice. Bye.
- You really sing very nicely. - Thank you.
- I was thinking about joining forces. - I don't think I can hit a girl.
No... I was thinking of singing together.
- It was... - I know, you don't have to say anything.
I saw it with my own eyes, My own ears bled.
But... could we find a solution? Is this something to be fixed in time?
The situation is sensitive.
- But I really want to help her. - Of course. Me, too.
But it's obvious she can't sing.
I wouldn't use her even as an alarm clock. She would wake up the dead. It's that bad!
I don't know. Did you ever have similar cases?
- Maya... just ran outside. - What do you mean?
- She ran outside! - Oh, God! Sorry!
Maya!
Did you see a girl dressed in red, about that tall?
Maya!
Maya, how can you do that to me?
You scared me to death!
I literally went out for some fresh air.
I thought I had lost you or maybe something had happened to you
and the last thing you had heard from me was that you can't sing.
I know how to sing... I just don't have a good voice.
It's okay.
You can do trap anytime.
So many stars can't sing, but they have super careers.
But singing is my dream.
I understand, but the world, the society, the reality... are a bit tough on us.
Mom, I can't talk right now. I'll call you later. Please!
- Are you crying? - What do you think?
I'm alone in a cabin, in the middle of nowhere.
But where's Alan?
I realized during a Reiki-guided meditation
that I'm not the love of his life.
He got upset and left me here alone.
Mom, please, don't cry, mom, please.
I wanna go home.
I wanna go home, but I can't leave,
because I'm locked in here with these weirdos.
Wait for us at the cabin. We'll come to pick you up.
- Are you hungry, are you thirsty? - No.
Are you sure?
I'm sure.
What's wrong with you?
Nothing.
Come on, don't be like that. Something happened, for sure!
Wanna listen to music? What do you like, Mihaela Runceanu?
Don't worry, I'm fine. Do whatever you want.
Yes!
What the hell are you doing? I sent you photos of my son!
He kicked a ball for the first time and you have no reaction.
Yes, all 34 of them. I'm sorry. I've got emergencies one after the other.
I left town.
What can be more important than your career?
It's a long story.
You know what? You'll have plenty of time after they fire you.
You'll hire me as a nanny for all your kids.
Don't they sell condoms in Ardeal?
Listen... Did you find a band for the baptism?
Of course. I'm not a jackass.
Have a good trip and don't forget about the diacritics!
Okay, mommy! You're stressing me out. I'm driving, bye.
WANDERING LITTLE BANANAS
- I'm the energy of the world! - You are the energy of the world!
I'm the energy of the world!
What animal am I?
You are a strong lion! Do as the lion does!
I think this is it.
- We don't have lions in Romania. - You are a black goat, a rare animal.
I'll roar like a lion.
I hope this is the first and last time when I say this, but...
Let's follow those people who pretend to be animals.
Energy master,
the trauma was removed and thrown into the forest.
The forest!
One more case solved. Its seed is strong!
Strong!
Its fruit is even stronger.
Go hug a tree for one hour. Next!
Sorry!
Bring your aura closer, so I can see it.
My aura is fine. I'm looking for my mother.
Could this be the syndrome of the uncut umbilical cord?
No, I came here to take her home,
because you have traumatized her with this messy camp.
Perfect! We deal with traumas here.
I'll offer you a trauma if you don't bring my mom, got it?
It's okay, it's okay everybody. It's a broken spirit, not resonating.
Come on, tell us what hurts.
Nothing. I just want to go back to Bucharest,
to finish a case for work.
Of course!
The problem is he came to help his mother, this setback of his life.
Please, stop it! Don't start again.
Let's go.
Good luck with sacrificing chickens, welcoming aliens...
whatever you do here.
You were so right about him, Olga!
- Come again? - Let's go.
What did you say? What did he say?
Your mother's fear that I have released
was that you won't be able to manage once her spirit returns to the earth!
Earth...
I manage perfectly and I'll be fine. Thanks!
She said you would deny and avoid assuming any fear using humor.
My only fear is that I'll face a long line of cars on the way back.
That wasn't a joke, it happens often!
- Do me a favor and lay down. - I'm fine, thank you very much.
Come on!
- Lay down, now. - Really?
- Come on! - I really don't need it.
Come on!
- God, I can't believe it! - Come on!
Damn your chakras!
I feel a strong inner fire
that can only be extinguished with...
Vodka, I hope.
- Love! - Okay, Freud.
- Right! Hold on tight! - What? No!
Because your life is more love!
- What do you feel? - I can't breathe.
- Speak with your soul, not with the mind. - From my soul I tell you I can't breathe.
Just as I said. We are a burden to him, both of us.
Come on, Maya.
I can't complain about not being able to breathe? For real?
- Let them go into the ethereal... - What do you want, man?
What's your problem? Say it, great energy master, Four Stars Global Elite!
"Master" will do.
What's your fear? Why do you need all these people
to come into the forest and pay to worship you?
What for? Do you need confirmation? That's it?
Have you been bullied as a child and now, because you're still little,
you found this energy bubble
to scam on people and make them like you for what they imagine you are?
No...
Aren't you ashamed, little mustache man? Have you no shame for this scam?
You are full of negative energy and you let it out through lies!
But these are not lies, because yesterday...
You know what I did yesterday? I manifested
that today
I'll meet an energy charlatan.
- I manifested it. - Therefore, it must be true.
This doubt comes from his negative energy
and we can start the cleansing process from this negative energy
by transcending into the fourth dimension.
We'll do so with the help of 250 lei, VAT excluded.
- Card or cash? - Cash!
God, crazy people everywhere!
But I'm no better, to go to the mountains
because she got the idea to rediscover herself with enemas!
I'm the jackass. Instead of staying home to finish my case...
Do you really find it that difficult to understand me for once?
Just like you understood my drawing? No!
Laws, the bar, mother is a lawyer... the little boy should be one too.
It's a family tradition for us.
Forgive me for having done my best
so you become a lawyer in Bucharest and do something with your life.
Forgive me that it was not what I wanted!
They'll fire me anyway and I have to take care of a child.
Are you complaining after a few days with a girl more mature than you?
What should I say then, after 35 years with a brat?
You shouldn't have accepted.
- You said you'd kick me out of the flat! - I'm here.
I know. It's so hard to raise a child and nobody tells you how to do it.
You first become a parent and only after that you learn how to be one.
You think it was easy for me to raise you by myself?
I have dedicated all my life to you.
And what have I received? Only reproach and second round.
I'm here!
And I love you very much. Because everything was done out of love.
But I really miss myself.
Can I be anything else other than mother and grandmother? Just for once?
I'm here and your words may influence me for a lifetime.
Forgive me.
How was the audition?
I failed.
No problem.
You are so smart.
I'm sure you will achieve great things in this life, with or without music.
We'll see.
Let's go home.
With music, mom!
With music.
Maya stays with me,
we'll go to Bucharest together and we'll find a solution for her to sing,
if that's what she wants.
I'll help her fulfill her dream. Period.
- Fine. - Fine.
You are both young and naïve.
And those were no drawings. They were caricatures.
What about DJ-ing? Couldn't she be one?
The smallest DJ?
Her test results were very good.
We just have to find an instrument she would like
and that would be fit for her.
And she'll prepare for next year, right?
Do you want to come with us to a baptism?
I don't want that, because I don't like you, but Maya insisted, so...
It would be better for you to come and see the kind of events
she'll be playing at for the rest of her life: weddings, baptisms...
Unbelievable!
I was wondering when you'll have the courage to ask me out.
I'll come with you.
Should we wear matching ties?
Maya, I asked you not to play on my laptop.
Come on. I have to send the documents and the girls are waiting for us.
I can't believe it...
I told you that, if you thought of them as of little animals,
it's very easy to use them.
What's wrong?
You finally smell like a confident adult.
- Gracias. - De nada.
AT THE MAPLE TREE
Bigotti... and Rolex.
- The whole bar is here. - Do you like it, Maya?
- Yes. - We'll come again.
Stay with them, dear, please. Look, my colleagues. Step aside.
Hello.
- Are you okay? - Yes, I'm fine.
I'm a bit nervous. I want everything to be perfect.
Take her to the playpen, please. After a quick check, I'll come for you.
What's up, dude?
- Hey, hello. - Hello.
- We're The Little Bananas. - Yes, hello. Are you okay?
- Yes. - Do you have all you need, costumes?
Don't worry, we'll make a great show. We really thank you for the opportunity.
- You're welcome. - You're very open minded.
- What are you doing here? - What are you doing here?
Come on, girls, let's chill and talk as girls do. What do you say?
What are you doing here, Mrs. Principal?
I came with Maya.
And with Iustin.
- So you mix work and pleasure. - You can say that.
It's good to know.
- I'm the godfather. Anything you need... - Dad!
Haven't I told you not to interrupt me when I'm talking to a woman?
But she's the girl who used the spray against me at school!
No, she's the girl you allowed to use the spray against you.
Mrs. Principal,
I'll take you to Mr. Pârvulescu, if there's no one around.
Maya, is it fine to be alone with the girls?
Yes.
Great.
Please.
He is Fido.
Give it here, he's far too cute. Come.
And there were boot prints on water.
Mr. Vlad, did you install your socialization software?
I'm completely immune to your boorish talk,
because I have the perfect present for the boss.
Wait to see my present for the boss!
Yes, I've seen you came accompanied. Who's the poor woman?
She's not your type. She's not inflatable.
- But she's the right one. - Yes, she is.
She is the perfect one for the most wanted bachelor in Bucharest.
Stay next to a plug in case you feel sick, okay?
- Nice to meet you. - Me, too. May he have a long life.
- Thank you. - It's good.
- My boy, a physical specimen. - It's good!
You'll soon see him playing in the league.
A little bit further... Perfect.
- Hands! I'll kick again. - Kick it again.
- I'll have to bribe the coach. - Congratulations. May he live long.
You've already met Sânziana.
Congratulations to all of you, especially to you.
I liked your solution.
- And you used diacritics! - Who would have thought?
There is a huge bonus waiting for you after the lawsuit.
What bonus? We don't work for money, godfather!
Who's little up there? Who's the little fisherman?
For you. Sorry. I'll leave it here.
We'll throw the rod around here.
- Nice to meet you. - Me, too.
Hello.
Alcohol.
I wanted to tell you verbally, not just through the email,
my most sincere congratulations for the baptism of your new brother.
He's a boy. I already hate him.
Do you have rosehip juice?
Do you think mommy will come here?
No, but dad promised us we could see her after the lawsuit is over.
Come on, it's not that bad. You'll get two Christmas presents.
But I want mommy to come!
Stop whining, dad will hear you!
Mr. Pârvulescu, I want to show you
the photo corner I have personally taken care of!
- Please. - Come.
Well, I have to...
"May you live long, Ștefan!"
This is his place and...
Boat... reed... some fish and...
"By Vlad."
Extraordinary, Vlăduț!
You are like my third son... that I never had.
Come.
We have a problem.
I know, Vlad has an advantage with his photo corner,
but here comes the band I hired and I'll catch up.
- It's not about you! - It's not about you!
God, okay! What is it?
That gentleman's daughters have not seen their mother lately
and they miss her very much.
Yes, Maya, I know and I understand, but that's life.
Please, do something!
They are just two girls of seven and ten years of age!
There's nothing I can do. It's their life and my job, they'll fire me.
Isn't it easier to grow up with mommy issues than with daddy issues?
Help me, Sânziana, please!
He is a lecherous! He can't be alone with the girls!
I understand, but that's the law.
He's my boss's godfather. He's tricky.
Yes, and you are my godfather.
You are the coolest godfather I could have.
You are Daddy Two!
Please, do something!
Come on, do something.
I'll think about it.
All eyes on me, please.
Thank you for attending little Ștefan's baptism.
Before gathering all for photos
at the photo corner offered to us by Vlăduț... Thank you, Vlăduț.
I'll call all the kids to the front. Come on, kids.
We have a surprise.
- Let's go! - Let's.
Let's enjoy Iustin's present.
Thank you, Iustin!
The Wandering Little Bananas!
Hello, ladies and gentlemen, dear children.
This is the kind of baptism party we need more and more in our country.
Are you ready?
One, two... One, two, three... go!
Wandering little bananas!
Where are the wandering little bananas?
Wandering little bananas!
Where are the wandering little bananas?
Stop listening to the wrong messages of trap music!
Come help me make a surprise to daddy.
Death, a lot of death!
Death!
And... I found the wandering little bananas!
Iustin!
Amalia, stop, please. Please, stop!
You brought that woman here on purpose to make me jealous, you crazy...
You chose the worst moment in the history of bad moments!
Amalia, please!
No, it's the best, because I'm ovulating...
- I'm ovulating! - Stop it!
- Stop! - If you don't let me, I'll scream!
This is not okay, you're drunk!
Iustin!
Where are you?
"No" means "no"!
I feel harassed. God, has the wheel turned around that bad?
So what? I'm a little drunk and I want to lose my virginity.
- What? Are you a virgin? - Yes... almost everywhere!
No! It's not what it looks like! I swear!
Iustin, what the hell are you doing? Do you want me to kill you?
No, wait a second. I'll explain right away.
Have you touched...
Touched what, daddy? What?
Your priceless trinket?
I wanted him to do many unorthodox things to me!
- But he didn't want to. - Thank you.
- Because he's a wimp. - Okay.
And anyway, he saw more value in me than you have ever seen,
Mister "What a good idea, Amalia, bring me a coffee".
Amalia...
You managed to ruin the party.
I want you to take this loser off my case.
Loser? You know what?
Please do it.
Because, from this moment on, I'll do my best
for those two girls to be with their mom!
According to the Civil Code and the Family Code,
since the girl is more than ten years, she can come to court
and say whom she wants to live with.
So be prepared, curly hair.
Iustin, stop it! Haven't you done enough?
With all due respect, I've tried to be the lawyer you wanted, but I can't!
I've learned a lot these days from someone I'd least expect.
And here's a piece of advice.
You'd better let aside the fishing rod,
the pikes, the carps and basses, and look after Amalia!
I'm not telling you that as a lawyer,
but as the father of a girl.
The father of a girl from countryside!
Maya...
Use the headphones now, okay?
He punched him hard!
Are you okay?
Bring it on!
Dude!
He's on fire!
Anarchy!
That's how I learned it's never too late to grow up.
But it's difficult. I won't lie, it's really difficult.
What else I have learned? Oh, yes.
No matter how weird you are, there's always someone weirder than you,
who likes you just the way you are.
And I'm not talking about me...
Sometimes, the good deeds really make you feel better.
And you feel happy, too, together with them.
And the family...
The family almost makes you feel like a cookie in warm milk.
There are friends who are a true family to you,
who stay by your side a lifetime and it's not okay to be selfish to them.
With all the safety measures taken, of course.
And I don't care about what psychologists or British researchers say,
but the humor saves us most of the time.
It's okay to go with the flow, to feel like a child and play...
to make mistakes sometimes...
but it's even more okay not to let yourself down and start over again,
again and again and again.
And these are just a few things I've learned from this little girl.
I'm so proud of her
and I hope she's proud of me, too.
So, here I am, after a year, I decided
to take life in my own hands and do what I love.
The comic book SUPER OX.
Thank you. Very beautiful.
In my spare time, I still offer legal assistance,
should you need it, I'm prepared, I have business cards...
Let's stop talking and do the signing. Signatures start now!
The gentleman... I felt him behind me being very nervous "when does he sign?"
Sir?
Student Iustin,
I want to know why you haven't done your homework.
- Teacher... - Principal.
Principal, please, forgive me, but...
I couldn't focus all night long. I had all kinds of thoughts.
Thoughts?
- Let's... Why are you making the face? - I'm numb, I can't take it.
Never mind, it won't last long anyway. Focus.
Let's hear it.
- Hello! - Hey!
Maya! God, you came in like...
Haven't you moved yet?
I missed you, too.
- What are you doing? - Iustin was studying.
- Yes. - He was studying because...
- Anatomy. - Yes.
You go and, after I'm done, we'll join you.
No, because I have a surprise for you.
- What surprise? - Hello.
Hey, hi!
- Hello. - Hello.
Hello.
I want to tell him! No!
- You have to sign. - What's in the box?
With the money from your swearing, we bought you comic books.
- How sweet! - But you have to sign them.
Of course... No, he'll sign them after he does his homework.
- Okay, love? - Yes, of course.
Let's go. Sorry. We'll leave you.
- Hello. It's not for me. - Hello. But for whom?
- I don't know. - Not here.
It's for me. I have ordered a few products to treat the priest
when he comes to bless the house, as I told you.
What priest?
God save Your servants...
Sorry!
God, bless this house!
God bless...
God, forgive me.
Let's see... You gave one, right?
- Hello. - Here or to-go?
Codin, it's me.
Iustin, from primary school. I was in B.
It took me a while to find you.
I wanted to tell you I forgive you for everything.
It's not your fault. It's just a lousy mix between the system and the education,
and now I'm mature enough to tell you I'm all over that and I'm okay.
I really am okay.
I left all traumas behind
and I hope you realize one day that you are a victim, as well,
and if I can help you...
The androgyny Iustin?
What?
- The virgin Iustin? - What?
You know this guy?
Iustin, can I rub it in?
I had a slower development, but...
Why are you suffering so?
I'm joking. What's in your bag? Must be something good.
Look, guys! Still a nerd, man?
Stop it! Seriously, enough!
Okay. Sorry.
Your bag!
Remember when I beat both you and Santa at the festivity?
You peed your pants when you heard the carols!
- Codin, stop it or I'll fire you again! - Kick me out, make a martyr out of me!
- Did you get a haircut? - No.
- Thirty two! - Codin, stop it!
Stop moving or I'll have to start again. I can't count very far!
One, two, three, quatro, cinque...
Sorry, I switched to Spanish. We'll start all over again.
Do you say the odd or the even ones?
- Come on! One! - Two!
- Three! - Four!
Eight!