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And when my partner left, I felt, initially, I was just empty,
and-- and I was... feeling depressed and kinda hopeless about it.
And I was... tired of always complaining
about the breakup to my girlfriends when we'd hang out, and the expectation
is that after a couple of months
you're going to get over it.
That wasn't my case. So, there I was, feeling completely alone.
So that's when you said, "I'm going to set up an agency for heartbreak."
Actually, against heartbreak.
It didn't get going that quickly.
I can't be without him.
Heartbreak's really tough for everyone.
Thank you for being here for me through this.
THE HEARTBREAK AGENCY
SEMINARS, COACHING, ONE-ON-ONE SESSIONS
HEARTBROKEN? MAKE AN APPOINTMENT TO SEE US!
I think that the main thing I can offer people who've had their hearts broken,
is to be there for them.
Everything is just fine, Santje. This is just the beginning.
No. I'm done with you.
We have a great relationship!
- This isn't a relationship, Karl. - Well, then, what is it?
Sex and breakfast.
Those are necessary in a relationship.
- Yeah. - Baby, baby, come on.
Baby.
Let's just-- I think we should maybe take a... shower together.
Actually, for once,
this is about me.
This feels good.
Just like my heartbreak counselor said.
- Your what? - My heartbreak counselor.
She says some people can't love. You can't.
She-- She says what? But-- What-- I--
W-- W-- Wait, where's my car?
What?
My-- My-- My 1970s GT.
Fuck you, Karl!
Santje! Santje! Santje! Santje!
It's a collectible!
THE HEARTBREAK AGENCY
Karl? Why are you here?
I live here.
You cheat on her?
Wait, or did she wanna meet your mother?
- You're actually way off, man. - Come on.
You always end things before they get too cozy.
She broke it off with me.
Sure. She popped your break-up cherry.
Come on, dude. I've been broken up with before.
I just don't cry about it endlessly.
And actually, it wasn't really Santje.
Somebody else made her think I'm no good for her.
A heartbreak counselor.
Hang on a minute, that's that agency, right?
Hey, wait! Don't go in there.
Sorry.
Not in my bed, Anton! Really?
What the hell's wrong with you, man? Why would you do that?
So that's when you said, "I'm going to set up an agency for heartbreak."
Actually, against heartbreak.
"So I figured, "'If I can't get laid, I'll break up everybody else's relationship'."
...change in people's lives.
I think that the main thing I can offer people who've had their hearts broken,
is to be there for them.
Great story, great woman.
- Thanks, Sucre. - What's your angle?
This woman used to be a PR manager at DWH. She knows marketing.
And so now, this woman's agency creates emotional needs that she then fixes.
At 120 euros an hour.
No, not that again, Karl.
I'd prefer it if you wrote articles that didn't always result in lawsuits.
Focus on her and how she's making this all happen.
Write about heartbreak and overcoming it.
Ah, so, seems Splash is becoming a magazine about our feelings now?
Feelings aren't anything to be ashamed of.
- Now we can talk about them. - Of course.
At 120 an hour.
Or, better yet, pay me 150,
and I'll not only cure your heartbreak,
but also scurvy and your unicorn bites.
A three-for-one deal.
- You can run the story. - Thank you.
But there better be a killer interview.
Okay.
Welcome to Heartbreak Counseling.
Head on in, Maria will be right with you.
Hold, please.
She is currently in a meeting.
Yes, I think her meeting gets out around two o'clock.
I can take a message for you if you'd like.
BACK ON CLOUD 9
The North Korea of lonely hearts.
Are you impressed?
Maria Geiger, hello.
Karl Nieke, Splash Magazine.
I always like to start my interviews with an awkward moment.
Ah.
The personality cult here comes off as a little, uh, obsessive, don't you think?
No.
I mean, we use a lot of hearts in our decorations, yeah,
but we think it's a great symbol for love.
Why do you need to symbolize it?
It represents what we do here. Would you like one?
No, thank you.
And the name "heartbreak counselor" doesn't do that?
You wanna mess with Kim Jong Un?
Take a seat.
- It's okay to record this? - Of course.
I'm happy to tell you what we do here.
The thing is, people with broken hearts
are often against the idea of seeing a therapist about it.
The pain associated with it can be very similar to a depressive episode.
You all right?
Yeah.
I originally set up the agency
because I went through a very painful and difficult heartbreak.
Thanks, but I've seen your interviews, all of them.
What do you wanna know?
Um...
Let's talk about how all this works, exactly.
- Mm-hm. - So if a woman comes along--
Or a man.
Uh, or a man, and they're in a relationship.
I mean, that happens, right?
Since, you know, heartache can still occur in a relationship.
Oh, and in that case you'd advise them to leave their significant other?
Mmm... I tend to encourage a process
without offering specific advice.
- She'll be with you shortly. - So, the woman is sad--
Or the man.
Or the man, which leads you to the conclusion that
this man is unable to love?
Yeah, I do. It happens.
Sometimes we get so wounded
that we don't trust ourselves and we forget.
Ah, but the man you're diagnosing is someone
you haven't met before in a session.
We don't offer couples therapy.
You make your assessment from a distance,
reaching the verdict that this man is incapable of love.
Well, we don't assess, and we don't reach verdicts.
But yeah, some people cannot love.
- Bye. - Bye.
My car.
Bye! Thanks again.
This is the condition of the 21st century woman.
Forever self-aware and self-optimized,
they clamor shrilly about using gender pronouns
and not having enough seats on the board.
But no sooner does the-- does the so-easily-dismissed man
dare to willingly retreat into the shadows when...
Thwack!
...the modern-day matriarchal snowflake
suddenly snaps back into conventional female behavior
quicker than she can say, "sexist bullshit."
Jeez.
- Too much? - For sure.
Good!
"Fifty years on from sexual liberation,
a savvy self-promoter makes heaps of money."
"Women still have yet to grasp the idea that freedom carries a price itself."
"You might get dumped. Big deal!"
"And previously, for generations before them,
the emotional wounds that these sissies bemoan
would have been just another day at the office."
Unbelievable.
"So they spend what amounts to two days' worth of a mailman's salary
to have a woman, who lives surrounded by cardboard cut-outs of herself
like some narcissistic ice queen,
tell them that their boyfriends aren't turned on by their pussies any longer."
Good morning.
- Hey buddy. - 'Sup?
Hey, Sucre, what's up?
Uh-huh!
You gotta go talk to Adam.
So who are we takin' down today?
Sorry, Karl, you.
I mean, "Sissies"?
Girls can be sissies too, man.
Man, this article had so much potential, but this is what you came up with?
Your views on gender are so crusty.
Maybe you get away with writing this in the '90s, but that was so long ago.
The '90s were not...
This article uses the same old patriarchal stereotypes.
Now more than ever, we need to handle these issues with sensitivity.
Generation Z.
We show respect, we don't discriminate--
I don't discriminate.
I'm gender-neutral.
- Gender-neutral? - Girls can be sissies.
Karl, you posted the article without getting my permission.
Maybe you could get away with that with Benno, but not with me.
I don't think this is gonna work out.
What?
I'm letting you go, without a reference.
Wha-- Uh... Uh...
What? You can't-- What do you mean?
I-- I-- People love me!
It-- I've torn everybody apart in this town, it's--
This is different, Karl.
And because you can't understand that, you can't work here anymore.
Mr. Nieke.
Ms. Geiger. I'm sorry.
It was never our intention to wreck your agency's reputation.
Thanks, it's okay.
I just wanted to have a quick word with Mr. Nieke.
He no longer works here.
See? Everything's worked out as you wanted.
I actually had something to say.
Go on ahead, then.
It's- It's kinda private, so--
No, no, no, no, just say it here.
Everyone, Ms. Geiger wants to say something!
Go on.
I know you didn't write the article
because you were actually interested in the topic.
You were at our offices yesterday
and took something out of the "Let It Go" box, yeah?
No, I didn't.
Come on. What's with all this bullshit, huh?
The "Let It Go" box is for clients so they can symbolically release
an item that reminds them of their bad relationship.
It appears Mr. Nieke stole an item.
An item that was released by his ex-girlfriend.
It was a little toy car, I think.
- A little toy car? - Mm-hm.
It's my little toy car, you know!
A 1970s GT that you can't throw into a stupid box when it isn't yours!
If I'm right, you met with me
because you think my agency is responsible for your break-up.
With Santje everything was great until she talked to you.
And I hope you find out why the relationship
did not really work out for you.
And I'm here to offer you my support,
as you get over the loss of this relationship.
Thank you.
Good day.
Bye.
I stubbed my toe really badly.
Right against the dresser.
And it really, really hurt.
And the best part of your day?
Getting ice cream with you, hon.
And you?
Also ice cream.
I'm glad the ice cream man had banana ice cream.
I love you so much.
Mom, I forgot about the cactus.
It's a cactus, don't worry.
But I promised.
I can't come, I'm sleeping.
Mmm.
You've got a cheese sandwich, plums, a pickle...
Oh, and a little cookie.
Mmm, yum.
You've got a honey sandwich, cucumbers and a couple of tomatoes.
Do I get a little cookie?
We'll see.
- Olaf, hello. - Is it Dad?
I wanna talk to Dad.
Wait a sec. Uh, I'm dropping Hedi off at school.
When do you need it?
Okay.
Let me give you to Hedi.
I wanted to let you know
that your favorite columnist is back on the market.
All right.
Call me back. Bye.
What is it?
Uh... a date. I have a date with Luca. Tonight.
Luca, he or Luca, she?
You love pronouns.
This is my chance, Karl!
He said, "We should get to know each other."
Hey.
Sorry. You're not my type at all.
You neither.
Sorry.
A lot of folks have trouble eating after heartbreak.
Have you eaten yet?
I haven't.
Not in a couple of days.
Want some cake?
Mm.
I think it's great that you reached out to talk.
Mm.
Taking that first step is very difficult.
First step? So there's more?
You're not under a time constraint, are you?
I'm 41 years old.
How am I supposed to start all over again?
Yeah. I-- I mean, Splash was not a good fit for me anymore.
It got really stuffy and mainstream.
Yeah, why don't... I give you what you've always wanted, an article.
Yeah!
I'm back on the job market, if you put it that way.
Me? No. Not everything I write is sexist, you know, so...
That was the spirit of the time.
Yeah, that was... asshole-y. Mm.
Please let me know if you have anything come up, hm?
So you couldn't find anything else, huh?
No, there's been a lot of interest.
I'll write anything.
I'll write about destiny,
or feelings.
I can make an apology and take back that
manly bullshit.
Write a proper article instead.
Okay. Count me in.
What kind of article?
An article about heartbreak, Karl. How to get over it.
With sincerity.
And with feeling. I'll be frank.
For this to work,
you will have to go to therapy with Maria Geiger.
Uh...
Sibylle, can you tell me why you think this has been so hard for you?
I always wanted to have kids, but
I have to tell my parents they won't have grandchildren now.
I mean, I feel like I've been wasting my time all these years.
For me, last week...
it was just so...
- It's okay. - Thanks.
Kryptonite.
That's how I see it.
Timea is my kryptonite.
Look at Superman.
He's invincible but there's something that makes him vulnerable,
and that's Kryptonite.
She went and ghosted me. Even on MySpace.
She hadn't used MySpace for years.
We didn't even know each other back then.
So she ghosted me using her old account.
So she still thinks about me.
I know how that feels.
But, doesn't all that false hope hurt us even more, though?
I don't know what I could've done differently.
But you're Superman.
Karl.
Sorry.
Very sorry, guys. Go right ahead.
Tell us about you.
Please.
Okay, fine.
My girlfriend ended things, and--
Oh. Mmm.
Guys, please, please, please. Please don't do that, you guys.
Karl, how does that make you feel?
When the group shows their concern, I mean.
It feels like the group's totally crazy.
We're free.
We're single people.
Maybe we'll meet somebody, and if not, then we'll meet somebody else!
So what?
You're all single!
Don't you know how great that is?
You should be locked up, you stalker.
Karl, we need to talk.
I get it, you think this is funny.
However, you will not ruin the progress this group has made together so far.
I mean, they're just so... so...
You know, I don't think this is gonna work out.
No! No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
No, I believe in this.
It's not that I don't have respect for you.
I mean, I have big respect for... for... for women in business.
For all women, actually.
I...
I would like-- I would really like to learn.
And...
...if you keep me... I'll never do that in the group again.
So, if I keep you then, you have to leave the group alone.
Okay.
And do the entire program, Karl, all of it.
Okay?
Welcome to the Heartbreak Retreat.
You're gonna see how much we can aid in your recuperation.
We're gonna help you heal,
we're gonna help you get over your heartbreak.
- Okay? - Yeah.
- Okay. - All right, here's your course outline.
And here is your workbook.
We've got some... self-care products,
and this, this is your water bottle.
Okay, what else?
For a good night's sleep.
And, lastly, your yoga mat.
Surely not everybody gets the same level of marketing merchandise?
Well, it looks like it says
you're registered for the full intensive program.
Ah. Okay.
Indeed. Yeah. And--
Oh! One more very special thing for you...
A little something sweet. There.
Hm.
I hated doing this in school.
What is the point of all of this?
It's for self-reflection.
I've reflected, and I'm totally okay.
Trust me.
Maria knows how to help you.
Well, is Maria ever gonna show up?
- She had an emergency. - Ah.
You should just try out the exercise.
Karl?
May I?
Be right with you two.
Everything going all right?
Honestly?
I don't really think so.
I kinda hit a rough patch.
I started going through a rough patch around a year ago.
And, the university decided to make a few job cuts.
However, after Timea left me,
I've actually wanted to have that kind of rough patch again.
Well, you'll never get over this woman if you always talk about her.
I wrote an article about the different theories
on how long it takes people to get over a relationship.
Well, then?
Well, I'm a believer in, uh, trying people who are the opposite of you.
Timea is perfect. I don't wanna try anyone different.
Are there other options?
Well, there's the gin and tonic.
Four thousand gin and tonics, or 530 Mai Tais.
Whichever one you want.
What can I get you?
A glass of every drink you have on the menu.
I'll have a...
Whoo!
I'm gonna find someone new and never look back.
That's right, you will.
He'll be so sorry that he let you get away.
Exactly. He'll beg me to come back.
What's up, man?
Well, Timea's getting married.
- What? - Mm-hm.
Yeah, she-- she's getting married.
To the other guy. In three days.
Shit.
Mm-hm. Mm. Mm.
Shit.
Mm. Mm.
Okay, don't panic.
Don't panic.
You won't let this happen.
Yeah.
What?
Be a man.
Go see her, and lay down the law.
Mmm.
You don't know Timea.
No, I don't know Timea.
No one tells her what to do.
Why were you... told about the wedding?
To stop me from calling her.
Not true.
She could've chosen not to mention anything.
The reason is because she wants you to break them up.
I couldn't do that.
I couldn't do that to Timea. I...
That would be wrong.
Come on, you can totally do it.
No.
It's not wrong.
Okay? Now let's head back. Come on, big man, come.
Here. Okay, let's go. There you go. Come on.
Hey. Guys.
Or, should I say, guy-ettes?
Hey, this is what we all need right now,
booze and music.
Are we there yet?
We're really close now. Grandma's probably already made you breakfast.
- And when do you pick me up? - It'll only be three days.
Or maybe four.
I actually told him that somebody else dropped out, and we'd cover his bill.
You really shouldn't have done that.
Zolt hasn't worked since the breakup.
Hey, can I call you back?
Yeah, yeah, I can try to take care of it later today. Bye.
Olaf?
Has our special guest given up yet?
Have a look.
He's been getting along really well with everyone.
- Uh-huh. - Mm-hmm.
Hey, man, come on, join us. Awesome.
Karl told me to separate sex and love.
To masturbate and think about people that I don't even like.
Obviously ridiculous but...
I was finally able to laugh again. A lot.
Cool.
Yeah.
Ovid. Karl brought up one of Ovid's cures for heartbreak,
and he said that all I gotta do is pretend I'm over Timea.
He's so...
Understood, I think I get the gist.
Karl, maybe you just need to let the therapists give the advice.
'Cause they're actually trained to do that.
Actually, I don't think you need therapists to get over a break-up.
Listen, this makes you money,
but it's almost... like when we paid for ringtones back in the day.
Father time eventually fixed that problem for all of us.
Five ninety-nine? For-- For, uh, for a singing animal?
I just mean...
Maria,
maybe what I'm doing is helping people.
And it's free.
Apart from the drinks.
- And the Tinder profiles. - The Tinder profiles.
Yeah.
I'll see you at the meeting, then. At three.
Sure, if we see our relationship as our only source of happiness,
then, of course, we are going to suffer when that source dries up.
I think there are other things that can serve as a source of happiness, like...
Nature?
Yeah, but maybe, mm,
you can think of something more specific.
Um...
A pair of jeans that fit?
Is that okay?
Yeah, of course that's okay. Yeah.
Turgay?
I guess something good to eat?
Mm-hm.
Um... dancing?
Or, I don't know.
Dancing. Yes. Nice.
Penguins are nice.
Hmm.
I don't know, I just think penguins are really... friendly.
Wonderful, Sibylle.
Karl?
Uncommitted sex.
Hmm.
And about the penguins, eh...
- I really like them too. - Hm.
Hm.
- I really do love penguins. - Hmm.
They walk funny, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack.
Or the-- Or how they huddle, you know,
all together when it's really cold outside?
Or the way they slide across the ice on their big bellies?
They're so cute.
I think if someone doesn't like penguins, then there's...
there's something wrong, am I right?
Can we talk?
So it has to involve oaths of lifelong fidelity?
Of course not, but when you say "uncommitted sex,"
instead of just "sex," that's saying something.
It's like you're immediately thinking of no commitment.
Like a... a butterfly.
I mean, I'm not a butterfly.
I'm... I'm Han Solo.
Well, Han Solo got together with Leia.
I bet it's all downhill from there for him.
They have a kid, they struggle, and they break up.
- Not gonna watch that one. - Doesn't mean it doesn't exist.
Sometimes sex just makes you happy.
Haven't you ever had a quickie in a nightclub or something?
It doesn't have to be a long-term thing. Sex is sex.
Got it.
And what if it led to falling in love with someone?
You said that doesn't make people happy.
I said relationships aren't the only thing that can make you happy.
You see, that's my point exactly.
YOU STILL CRYING OR ARE YOU PAINTING?
When's the last time you got a good night's rest?
You wanna meditate?
Mm.
Talk?
Nah.
Swimming?
I didn't bring a bathing suit with me.
Mm. Me neither.
Oh, yeah!
Oh!
Wow. Whoo!
This feels so good!
Yes!
Hi, hon, how're you doin' over there?
Can you please come pick me up?
Svea and Feli get to go skating every day, and I'm stuck in the middle of nowhere.
Hey, ho-- hold on a second, honey.
Maybe-- Maybe there's a skate park near Grandma's place or something.
You could ask the neighbor's kids to--
You don't know anything.
Shit.
You smokin' weed?
You gotta take care of yourself when you're a mom.
My daughter's insisting that I go pick her up right away
because she wants to go to a skate park.
Even though she can't even skate at all. I bought her all the gear.
But she's never even used it.
What?
Nothing. You've never been to a skate park before, have you?
This would help make the whole trip bearable.
- It's helpful. - Yeah.
'Cause with everything else, you don't even try.
You act like a little kid.
Right when anybody wants even a little emotional connection with you,
you say you're out.
Love needs effort, people just don't get that.
All they want is to have their one true love,
problem-free, fulfilling.
But it's an idea that--
Was only made up to sell flowers and cards.
That's my line.
Not true.
Having a flawless kind of love doesn't happen very often.
And I've seen so many people who are expecting that
in relationships they're in, and it makes them unhappy.
Maria...
do you believe in big romantic love or not?
Of course I do.
Not even a little!
But you don't tell anyone.
Well, I can't.
'Cause I'm trying to help clients get their lives back together again.
As individuals... who can find happiness alone.
No one can do that anymore.
And all of those... romantic comedies did this...
...with their big, pointless romantic gestures.
And their annoying love songs.
And sunsets.
People actually like those?
- Yeah. - The Earth keeps turning.
- Wow, like, this happened yesterday too. - Yeah.
The sun's always setting somewhere on the planet.
- Yes. - Right?
From an evolutionary point of view that makes no sense at all, am I right?
So, what, you're gonna go out there when wild animals start hunting
and you're just gonna sit there quietly on a boulder
watching the sun go down?
I mean, what is that? Crazy.
Do you hear something?
Oh.
- I've got ten euros. - You have a request?
Nope. Not at all. I'll pay him to go away.
It's kinda lovely to meet a woman who--
I'm not-- I'm not a woman.
- Hm? - I'm your therapist.
It's on me.
Do you know how much it costs for 15 minutes?
Ten euros.
Oh, you know what?
He requests "Eternal Flame."
Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no. No, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no. Nope. No, no, no, no.
Sorry. I overslept.
- Morning. - Morning.
Morning.
Um, he's not upstairs, or by the pool,
and he won't answer his phone.
Mm.
What's wrong?
Turgay's kind of gone.
Can you check the library, Martha?
And what are they here for?
They're here for a wedding.
Huh?
Oh my God.
- That's Timea. - That's what?
Turgay's Timea!
He's gonna stop the wedding!
I wonder who put that thought in his head, Karl.
- Are you out of your damn mind? - Oh please.
She just wants Turgay to be a man.
This wedding is a charade.
A charade that costs thousands? Why don't you think sometimes?
- Ow. - Sorry.
Oh, man.
What are you wearing?
Go away!
Hey, that's no way for a therapist to talk.
I am fixing the mess you created, so I'm gonna talk how I want to.
- This could really ruin things for him. - He'll be fine.
You can't stand that I might be right!
Ah, just shut up! And get out of here, so I can stop Turgay.
- Jeez. - You can't do that! Wait. Wait!
Dearest Timea,
dearest Egbert...
...dear relatives and friends of the bride and groom,
all of us are looking for our soul mate.
For that one special person who may seem so hard to find.
This one special person is somebody who completes us,
somebody who makes us whole, who makes us feel perfect.
- He's gotta be here somewhere. - Or not.
- This person is someone... - Maybe he didn't come.
...that we must be open to finding.
- All of his progress will be ruined. - He needs to figure out his own way.
Please explain how this is his "own way" when it was your idea.
- That's ridiculous. - Yeah, and he'll be totally humiliated.
Timea and Egbert chose this Bible verse to be read...
- Turgay! - Hey! Shh!
...before they begin their marital journey together.
- Turgay! - Really?
- So sorry. - I'm so sorry.
Dear Timea, dear Egbert.
Before us, these two stand
- ready to begin that journey. - What are you doing? Stop. Come back.
Come back here!
Don't do it!
And so that which belongs together
- also wishes to be found before God. - Come on. Just let it happen.
Oh, God.
Before Timea and Egbert recite their vows,
- if any of those present at this ceremony... - Shit.
...object to this union...
...I ask that you speak now...
...or forever hold your peace.
- Shit. It's spreading. - The hat.
Timea!
Turgay?
Fire! Oh, my God!
Don't worry, Karl. You'll be done soon.
I grew up around here, you know.
Splendid.
Do you still take milk?
Now I'm actually an oat milk guy. But I'll make an exception.
That picture I saw in her office has a little kitten in it.
It's a sign that she wants children someday.
Not interested now, are you?
You don't even wanna be my therapist.
No, because when I tried you didn't let me.
That's because I don't even need therapy.
Wow.
I'm only doing all of this to get my job back.
Well, you're doing a bad job.
Honey, hello! Mommy's here!
I actually miss the police station.
- Karl used to be there all the time. - Ah!
They were gonna name a cell after him.
- I'm taking you to back home. - What?
- I'm fine. Bring us back to the hotel. - Yeah.
The hotel would be perfect, thanks.
Don't believe a word he says about me.
I make a wonderful potato salad.
No one wants potato salad.
Please, Mom, just drive us back to the hotel. Thank you.
I would actually love to try the potato salad.
- What? - He hasn't told me anything about you.
He didn't mention you at all.
- How'd you meet? - Mom, please.
Ah, through my job.
Maybe Karl can tell you about it.
No?
And so-- So there's no misunderstandings, we're--
We're friends. Friends.
I'm glad you're sleeping together.
The formalities can all come later.
This is like a shrine to the '90s.
DJ Bobo, "Love is All Around", wow.
I had a Backstreet Boys poster too.
Now there's gotta be...
Ah!
- Hey! Hey! That's trespassing! - Yeah, I'm becoming known for that.
Interesting that you held on to all this... stuff.
Look, you even kept a little heart.
"My heart beats like crazy when it sees you."
"Like, badly."
That was a school project.
It's so crazy you make a living off of writing.
What's this?
Um... Uh...
Wanna talk about it?
You've never done something stupid?
So much that it couldn't all fit in a box.
Come, let's go eat.
Usually he just goes for bimbos.
He's broken up with all the good ones.
He just doesn't wanna get hurt.
He has real commitment issues.
It's amazing that man can even tie his own shoes.
Wilhelm and I are probably to blame.
Even though our divorce was completely drama-free
and, honestly, totally amicable.
Karl had already turned 16 by then.
- Well, can I ask you about-- - Why did we get divorced?
Because we had just one thing in common.
We both got married on the same day.
There was another reason, because of some health issues.
Whenever we looked at each other, we wanted to throw up.
We both enjoyed crazy sex.
Every day. From Monday to Sunday.
Having sex was always crazy.
Mom, give it a rest.
I mean, that was last week's hit joke.
You don't have enough of a sense of humor.
Karl hates that I do my stand-up routine in public.
The show is just a bunch of weak marriage jokes.
Weak? Come some time.
On Wednesday, I'll be performing my set at the local theater.
Karl's never even seen my set, you know. I can get tickets.
I'd rather get a tramp stamp.
Your mom's a blast.
Trust me, you'd get tired of her really quick.
Can't you say that for all moms?
Can I ask you something?
Her name was Claudia.
We...
...dated since we were 14.
And, um, before college...
...I asked her to marry me.
I couldn't lose her.
But, she...
Said no.
I mean, you know, I get it.
She... wanted to see the world,
not immediately settle down with her first boyfriend.
She saw the ring,
panicked, and ended things.
Was she the love of your life?
Yeah.
But I'm totally over it.
Seriously. I don't even know why I still have the ring.
And I feel like I dodged a bullet, honestly.
I'm thankful.
Yeah.
Lucky that didn't happen.
Mm.
I'm glad the two of us took this little trip together.
We finally have an angle.
It's-- It's not an angle. It's nothing.
This was a traumatic event, Karl. It must've hurt a lot.
Yeah. Wow. So insightful.
It's always the same thing.
"That was a very traumatic event, Karl." You made that up, right?
It's a publicity stunt!
Good night.
Relax, I don't find you attractive.
I'm with you on that one.
Very good.
But everything I've said is true. My heart was broken.
By Olaf.
He cheated on you?
Yeah.
He left me for penguin research.
- You don't like talking about them, right? - I hate penguins.
- Psycho. - Back at ya.
Olaf is a zoologist and studies climate.
Did you know that penguins are an endangered species?
- And Olaf's fixing that? - Yes.
He works in conservation. Worldwide, so...
And he's traveling the world while my daughter and I are here.
You do a good job of managing it all.
Thank you.
Apart from being a goody two shoes and kind of a know-it-all.
And the thing with the Kim Jong Un cardboard cut-outs is very odd.
Don't get jealous.
Does he come visit you, or his daughter?
Yeah, he does, when he's in Germany.
But, when he's traveling,
we have no option but to talk on the phone, especially him and Hedi.
We made that decision back then because we thought it was for the greater good.
But me...
Sometimes I wonder, "What if he showed up at our door
and... wanted to stay with us?"
Dumb, right?
No.
Not dumb at all.
I get that saving the planet is really important...
but if it meant we couldn't be together,
I'd let it go to hell.
What happened to Han Solo?
You've gone soft.
Can't you leave Han Solo out of this?
No.
It's a lovely hotel. You'll have a great time.
Mmm.
It's romantic.
You got bags?
As if a young couple like yourselves need clothes.
I'm his therapist.
Oh.
What?
Nothing.
Look, I'm sorry about yesterday.
I'm not, I loved it.
I know what you're thinking.
But he's my client.
It's not happening, that's just one of many reasons why it's a bad idea.
- What holds you back the most? - There's no future.
Oh, and are you looking for someone
to share a long and happy family life with you?
I am not looking at all!
You've already got one. An empty apartment you take care of all alone.
Olaf and I are friends, which is good for Hedi.
And it's a good excuse for you not to meet new people.
You realize you two are pretty similar, right?
I think you'd both learn how to take risks.
How are we similar?
He has a bad case of Peter Pan syndrome, and I'm a mom with a kid.
You know how long it took me to find balance after Olaf left.
Is that what you call it?
"Balance"? Really?
Thanks a lot, counselor.
I need to go to the office. Martha will take over.
Don't have time for individual sessions today.
You do know that ignoring people after sex is kinda my thing.
But have a good trip.
Mm.
That's like I told you, sex is sex.
And that was all it meant.
That's really good. Same here.
Good.
When you're done, just say "thanks" and leave.
Okay.
- Thanks. - Exactly.
- Bye. - Bye.
I thought you hated sunsets.
I met somebody recently who agrees.
The only girl I've met who thinks they're overrated.
Now every time I see one I wonder if she's somewhere hating it like I do.
You know what that is?
That's love, man!
Shut up.
- Hello. - Who is it?
- Hello, who are you? - Hedi.
Karl?
Uh, what are you doing here? This is my apartment.
Do you have a session today?
I-- Um...
I was wondering where you kept the cardboard cut-outs.
We don't keep those at the house.
But they could be useful, though.
They'd scare off anyone trying to break in.
Or you could hang clothes on them.
Or for bowling.
I'm going to the skate park.
Uh, be back by six?
Okay.
Bye, Hedi.
Bye.
What-- Uh, so what do you wanna talk about?
I...Well, I don't think we should ignore each other
just 'cause we had sex one time, you know?
Okay.
Coffee?
Doesn't have to be great.
I have some bad coffee, yeah.
This can't become a regular thing we do.
No. No, it...
it can't become a regular thing.
Okay.
We could do it one more time before it's a regular thing.
Uh-huh.
No! Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!
Don't turn that off.
Hi. Um...
I...
I was just, um, I was thinking that...
- Um, maybe we could-- - No, no, not today.
Work's been crazy, Hedi's sick, and I don't have a babysitter.
I can babysit.
Uh...
I love children.
Okay, how about we...
google your symptoms?
Let's see here. Okay.
Trouble eating?
Fever?
- You been sleeping? - A little.
A little.
Ah! Here's the results.
What's wrong with me?
A midlife crisis.
Or a prostate issue, or...
possibly heartbreak.
Let me guess.
Eleven, skater, doesn't know you exist.
How'd you know that?
You don't use your skateboard, Hedi, something was off.
He has the greenest eyes in the entire world.
But I can't get his attention.
Okay.
I might not be a total expert on heartbreak,
but I do know how to skateboard.
Ta-da. My old skateboard.
Right. Your turn, Hedi.
Believe in yourself, you got this!
That's good!
Good, good, good, good, good!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Good afternoon, young lady. My name is Dr. Nieke.
I heard that you had a skateboarding accident today.
Because this idiot...
...thought it'd be a good idea to skate in a living room.
Boop!
Actually, common misconception,
turns out skateboarding...
isn't about skating.
Okay.
Who's Oskar?
That one.
Hey! Hold on. That's a kiddie board.
Here, take mine.
Cool board!
Yes! Yeah!
- Mmm... - You can make one wish.
- I have. - Hey.
- Hello. - Hey.
- Feeling better? - Mm-hm, I do.
Well, you've got skills, Karl.
We're making pizza tonight.
Homemade pizza.
With lots of vegetables.
A ton of vegetables.
Tons.
My turn?
Can I cheat? I wanna win.
Your grief stops you from really remembering
how you felt during the good times.
But they're still good times.
It's your heart, and it's your love.
And you should get to choose who to share it with.
Hey.
...because her hat got caught on fire.
Cheers.
- To you too. - Cheers.
Turgay called me.
- You hear about it? - Mm. Timea is back.
She was impressed by what he did at the wedding.
Mm.
And do you know who... told him to do that?
Don't tell me.
The super-therapist!
What ya got there?
Um, Hedi's breakfast.
I told her I'd bring her dessert.
You're really good with her.
That's all her. She's a great kid.
Can you please just accept the compliment?
It's not so easy for me to say that, you know?
Haven't you noticed I'm a total introvert?
They say that every introvert needs an extrovert to take care of them.
What's going on with us?
Huh?
We don't have to define this whole thing or put a label on it.
He likes you, right, Maria?
She definitely knows how I'm feeling about her, I'm pretty sure.
Mm-hm.
But I need to hear it.
Maybe tomorrow. I'll tell her.
Excuse me?
- Could you hold the door, please? - Oh, yeah.
Thanks.
- Well, I got it for you now. - Thank you.
Mm.
Are you heartbroken?
Just kidding. My girlfriend's the heartbreak counselor.
You're here to see Maria Geiger, right?
Yeah.
She'll be thrilled. She loves flowers.
It's a thank you for... for the therapy.
I don't think she's back, want me to take those?
I'll tell her you brought them.
- Hi, Karl. - Hey, Hedi.
Wait, why are you here?
Um, I'm going away for a while.
How come?
Hard to explain. I...
I'll tell you later, okay?
Okay...
Want your board back?
It's yours. No way.
Bye, Hedi. Be good.
Dad! You're home!
I've got a job offer.
To work at a biodiversity lab.
In Potsdam.
M-- Wow.
I should have never left you guys alone.
I'm sorry, Maria.
We said it was for the greater good. We agreed to that.
No, you should have been the greater good.
The world's in a lot of trouble,
but if I'm not able to see my family, then,
I'd let it go to hell.
I...
I... I met somebody.
And so...
We don't have to do anything right now.
We can keep both apartments.
I just wanna be near you guys.
Anton, I-- My room again?
- Why my room? - Sorry, sorry, sorry! Shhh!
She's the one, I know it.
How was it?
Oh, I don't know.
Sorry. Just, hold on.
Hey. Uh...
You have a cheese sandwich, a mandarin, cucumber, and a candy bar, for once.
Mmm.
For you, we've got a tomato, you've also got a mandarin,
and then we have a cucumber, and some leftover cake.
I was pretty sure we had more leftovers, right?
Yeah, I put the rest in Dad's lunch for later.
Oh, that's really healthy for your father.
He starts work today.
He's picking me up this whole week.
Later, can we make my invitations?
Yup.
This'll be my first birthday with Dad that I can even remember.
Can I invite Karl?
Um...
- Do you know when he's coming back? - No, I don't.
He didn't tell you how long "a while" is either?
Dad!
Morning.
Ahh.
- Morning. - Morning.
Come look. I've got a surprise for you.
I guess the other day he told Hedi he'd be gone for a while.
I don't know what I was thinking, really. And I should've expected that too.
He ghosted me, this is completely ridiculous.
I'm mad at myself too about it
because I really felt like he had changed, you know?
It's such a cliché.
And what about Olaf?
I'm lost.
I might give it another chance.
You should get up before the neighbors complain about a rotting dead body odor.
Yeah?
Hey.
Hm?
It'll be okay.
Everything.
It was all good.
Sure? Not even anything annoying today?
No, nothing.
'Cause Dad's here.
And you?
Um, Oskar's great.
He told me that he heard his parents talking about him.
He's the only reason they're still together.
So dumb, right?
Well, I don't...
Parents sometimes put their own needs aside.
For a lot of parents, the most important thing is that their kids are okay.
Dad's staying, so I'm happy.
He promised that he's going to stay home, so
he's here for good.
Even if you aren't together anymore.
Are you writing the article or not?
You want your job back, or are you wasting my time here?
I-- I don't know.
Pull yourself together, then call me.
When love hits you in the face.
Some people think broken hearts don't exist.
They're the ones usually hit the hardest.
As unforeseen as ice in June,
as hard as Frazier's left hook.
I was someone who couldn't admit that love comes at a price.
You can get hurt.
Big deal. Very big deal.
One where everything's taken away.
I don't know when it'll end.
Maybe never.
Maybe this is how it is.
When love ends, we have to hand over a piece of our heart.
A broken, used up piece.
Your heart gets smaller.
But that's okay.
We don't need it anymore.
Might as well throw it all out.
But I was wrong about that too.
It will heal.
At least that's what I've heard.
It just takes time for the heart to learn how to live without that missing piece.
All we can hope for is that the rest of our heart recovers
and is still big enough
in case, one day, someone else wants to take a piece too.
I'm glad that you're here for Hedi.
Yeah, sometimes time actually breaks everything.
Wait.
Give Hedi the key. She can visit me whenever, day or night.
I COULD BE YOUR EXTROVERT
No.
Shit.
Turgay?
I locked myself in the bathroom.
Open up, you coward!
I told Timea I wanted to break up,
and she wasn't having it, and now...
Turgay!
She's trying to break down the door.
Get out!
- And if I gotta go outside, then I-- - Turgay, open up!
- It'll start all over. - You coward!
It-- Kryptonite doesn't exist!
What'd you say?
It's made up! It's imaginary!
Open the door! I'll kick it down!
You have ten seconds to leave my home.
Or I'll call the police.
Five seconds.
I did it.
Yeah.
- I did it. - Yeah, you really did it.
Maybe a costume party is exactly what you need.
Hm?
Hey.
Uh...
Um, is Karl here?
Hey.
Sorry.
Um, I... Um...
I, uh...
I found the card that you wrote.
- Sorry I didn't find it sooner. - Don't worry about it.
Would you like to get a drink?
Is it okay if we don't?
Mm...
For sure.
I mean...
I'm, uh...
I'm grateful for the therapy.
I learned what love could be like.
So what's-- What's it like?
Like skydiving.
People say it's the greatest feeling in the world.
You're flying, you're weightless.
But what people forget is
it's not the flying that's important.
It's about having a parachute.
Like security, not crashing.
It's the thing that can make it skydiving instead of a plane crash.
But that's just me.
I mean, you're the expert on love.
At the agency, maybe,
but everywhere else, I'm an amateur.
And isn't it...
Isn't it okay for an amateur to screw up sometimes?
Not when you're skydiving.
Hey! It's me!
Zolt!
- Hey! - Hi!
How are you?
Well, I haven't been climbing onto roofs anymore.
So not bad.
Gotta start somewhere.
You meet anyone?
No.
I believe in destiny.
Not me.
It's coincidence.
Tom and I?
That was destiny.
That was just... That was fate, man.
Listen up.
You were going to therapy.
And then some dude came along
and wrote a shitty article about your therapist.
The guy lost his job and he was ruined.
And then he has to have therapy with her to get his life back.
Sounds made up, you know?
Yeah. It does.
Anton!
This is Zolt.
A saxophone teacher.
And that's Anton, the worst saxophone player in the world.
Ahhh, what a coincidence.
Hi. Uh, oh! Hi.
- Hi. - Hi.
There's no such thing as coincidence, right?
No.
Where is she?
- Stop. - Where... is she?
You! You brainwashed Turgay!
Karl?
I have something to say.
This isn't the greatest timing for this.
I... I-- I love you--
Karl?
Ow. That's so cold.
Ow.
Keep this on there, okay?
I'm done with therapy for a bit.
We're just getting started.
Ouch.
Sorry.
Mmm.
Oh. Again?
Mmm. Mmm.
Does this hurt?
Here?
Whoo! Hey!
Whoo!
This is so cheesy.
Awful.