[ARROWS WHOOSHING]
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[FILM REELING]
[WHOOSHING]
[CLAP OF THUNDER]
[RAIN PATTERING]
[IRISH TRADITIONAL MUSIC]
[Sigh].
[MATCH LIGHTS]
[BIRD CHIRPING]
I'm not falling for it.
[CLAP OF THUNDER]
Exactly!
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
[TAPPING]
[LOUD THUD]
- [Newsreader] ...which the South Koreans claim was an unprovoked attack
by the North Koreans.
[SOUND OF GUNFIRE COMING FROM TV]
- [Newsreader] ...what is now the fifth week of violence between Palestinians
and Israelis...
- I'm sure it's only a matter of time before they have that sorted out huh?
- [Newsreader] Tottenham fans pelting the Chelsea fans with bottles and
accumulated rubbish.
- [Newsreader] ...between Republicans and Democrats, with even
some fisticuffs and shoving...
Have they all just gone mad?!
- Tottenham or the Americans? - The whole feckin' lot of them!
- [Newsreader] ...Pakistan blaming India for the renewed...
Ah for fuck sake!
Do they even know what they're fighting about anymore?
- Well... - What is it they want?
Could they even tell you if you asked them?
- Well there are many historical and geopolitical factors at work...
- Don't be gettin' wise with me now son!
- I'm dying you know. - Ah, you're not dying at all!
No?!
Well I'm not lying here because I'm turning twenty feckin' one, am I?!
Ah, you're all right.
- Who am I to talk, sure we're no better than those feckers on the telly.
- You and me?! - Our family.
The whole lot of us.
The whole, sorry story.
Did I ever tell you about me grandfather?
- Did you now? Let me think, eh...
- Me father's father... - And the brother.
That's right!
As close as close could be, until his brother sailed to America and they never
spoke again, not a word.
Generation after generation, forbidden we were to even speak of the American
family and for what?! Some petty argument a century ago.
So many wasteful years, shameful!
[Sighs].
[GENTLE MUSIC]
- I want you to do something for me... - A cup of tea!
Quiet!
Listen to me now!
I want you to make things right, son.
I want you to find our American family and make things right.
- All right Da, I will, you have my word on it.
- Now, I want you to call them now!
What do you mean "now"?
- How much time do you think I've got left?
- I don't even know... - There was a cousin on that side...
Joseph, I believe, had a son your age, give or take, called Barry.
Made quite a name for himself over there in New York.
Very successful he was too.
Your man Paddy down in Shanagarry, he sent us a magazine article about him,
- do you recall that? - No.
- Well, he did! - I'm not arguing.
- The point being, is this fella would be the current descendant of the American
side of the family.
Barry, last name would be Gorman, same as us.
And it's him you need to find.
- Look, I, I, I, I wouldn't even...
- Ah Jaysus, do they not have telephone directories in America?!?
- Yeah, of course they do... - Then just do this for me lad.
The last request of a dying man.
- All right, all right Dad, I'll do it, okay.
Thank you.
- Oh, that cup of tea would be grand when you're coming back.
[Chuckles]
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
[PATTER OF HEAVY RAIN]
Jesus!
[DOOR CLOSES]
Jaysus Aine, you frightened the life out of me!
- I heard himself was dying, so I came to say goodbye.
- But he doesn't want to see you! We never liked you.
- I know, that's why I came to say goodbye.
[PLAYFUL MUSIC]
Oh!
- [Panting] I heard you were dying.
So I came to say goodbye.
Alright then, that's grand...
Goodbye!
[Blows raspberry].
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
Cock sucker!
You know who did do it, they're trying to fuck with you!
- No they're not, they're just...
- Oh yeah, they are, they're tryna low ball you.
Listen to me, listen to me.
There's a reason people come to us, because we build faster, we build better
and by the way, a project this size, what are you kidding me!?
- First of all, why are you out of breath?
Just getting my steps in,
I got 2,300 more to do.
In the house?!
- Yeah, because once around the couch is like 11 steps.
So that means I only have to do like... - Okay, Dad, that's insane!
When Dr. Gittleman said to exercise, I don't...
- [PHONE RINGING] - Hold on hon, the other phone's ringing now.
- Really!? Who calls you on the landline?
- Telemarketers and wrong numbers.
Hello. Not interested.
- Hello, I'm wondering if I have the right number?
Oh, I seriously doubt it.
Are you by any chance
the Barry Gorman, whose father may or may not
have been called Joseph and who has relatives in Ireland who he's never spoken to?
- Who is this? - Well, if you are him, I am your cousin.
Sort of, on the Irish side, if you hadn't guessed.
- Hold on one second... Sweetie, I'm gonna call you back.
- Bye. - Yeah.
- Do you know how many Barry Gormans there are in the New York City
telephone directory?
Would you care to wager a guess?
No.
132, isn't that amazing?
Luckily, you're in the top 20,
so fair play to you, sir.
- Okay, yeah, I'm still a little bit... I'm sorry... what is, what is your name?
Forgive me, did I not say?
I am your cousin Ciaran.
Last name Gorman, same as you.
I'm calling on behalf of my father.
And you're here in New York?
Oh, no, no, no,
although I've always wanted to go, you know.
Looks enchanting, all those skyscrapers.
You must never tire looking up.
No, I'm calling from the next parish over,
Ireland.
Okay!
The reason I'm reaching out is that my father,
Fergus is his name,
- last name, Gorman. - I understand.
- The thing is, my father, well he's been unwell and
he is not a young man.
- I see, and how is it that I can help?
- Oh nothing like that! No, no, no, no, no.
The reason I'm calling is,
are you familiar with the story of the
grandfathers, the two brothers?
Yes... vaguely.
Ah, me too, yeah.
But all I know for certain is
that there was a falling out.
Yes.
- And, well, it's my dad's wish that we can rectify the situation, you know, make
peace between the two sides of the family.
Okay?!
- You know, well that's why I'm calling, to extend an olive branch as it were.
All right, well, sure!
All right, yeah, that sounds nice.
Okay!
- So maybe someday, if we ever find ourselves on the same side of the ocean,
we could perhaps raise a glass in friendship and wipe the slate clean?
- Yeah, sure. Okay.
That sounds nice.
Right, well,
I won't take up any more your time.
- Okay, all right, well, nice to meet you.
[PHONE LINE CLICKS]
- Well then, I suppose I'll be going. Godspeed.
- You too Aine, Godspeed yourself as well.
- You take care now, I won't be seeing you.
- Hands down the best sex I ever had.
Just now?!
No, not just now!
Don't be thick!
It was a lifetime ago, before I met your ma, of course.
Though I always suspected your ma had an inkling.
She never cared much for Aine.
- I remember. - That'd be why.
- So how did we do? - What?!
- The yank, did you manage to track him down?
- Yes, I did. - Grand.
- Bit of a needle in a haystack, actually.
But I managed to find your man Barry.
And he proved to be quite amenable, so...
So when does he arrive?
What?!
- When does he get here? When do I get to meet him?
- No, we didn't go that far, Jaysus no, I mean, we sort of agreed in principle.
- In principle, Jesus, Mary and Joseph, lad, I asked you to do one thing for me!
- You asked me to find him, not invite him over.
- Well of course invite him over, how else am I gonna meet him?
We don't even know the man!
He can't just drop everything and... - I'm dying.
- Stop saying that! You're grand.
Tis far from grand I am.
Now you get back down there and for God's sake get the fella over!
[Loud sigh].
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
[PHONE RINGS]
- Wow! - Right.
I mean, I never heard of the guy my entire life, now he calls me twice in five minutes.
- And he wants you to just go to Ireland?!
- Yeah! - And you don't think it's like a scam?
- Oh, believe me, that's what I thought, but nah, he knew too much,
stuff I remember from letters my father had.
Is he asleep?
- Oh, yeah, he's out like a light.
My God, he's beautiful!
He's so...
Every day he does something new that just blows my mind.
Please don't say it.
I'm not.
[Sighs].
- I just don't understand how she could walk out on you when you have a brand
- new baby. - Jesus!
- I'm sorry, I don't. - Sshh!
[Whispers] I'm sorry, I don't.
- Nobody walked out, it was a mutual decision.
- Yeah, but to raise a child by yourself...
- I'm the one who wanted a child. - I know.
- Rachel never wanted kids, I knew that upfront.
This is what I chose, it will be fine.
- But yeah, but... - I will be fine!
Anyway, I think you should go.
- Where?! - Ireland.
- Are we back on me now? - Yes, we are.
- I think you should go. - To Ireland?
- Yeah. - Why?
- His father's dying. - I don't know the guy!
- He's your cousin! - So?
And besides, there's too many things going on here anyway, this 57th Street
deal is a monstrosity and I'm telling you, if we don't break ground by the first of the year
- Dad. - and the city is being a total asshole on the zoning rights...
Dad, I got it covered.
I know you do.
- What did every one of your doctors tell you to do?
- Rest! And exercise.
- Exactly. - Which, to me, pick one or the other.
Well, this is perfect.
- You get a little vacation. - In Ireland!?
Oh my God!
What?!
It's like that movie!
- What movie? - Your favourite movie.
Oh my God, it's exactly you.
Divorced guy goes to a little town in Ireland.
- He wasn't divorced, he worked for an oil company, he went there on
business and by the way that was not Ireland, that was Scotland!
- Whatever, what's the difference?
- Two totally separate countries.
- You always said you wanted to go. - Not for real!
No I said it like, I'd love to go sometime, like that!
Well here it is.
Maybe, you know, there's some cosmic reason this call came right now, at this
moment in your life, divorce, heart attack and then out of the blue this?
I don't think so.
- What's the worst that could happen?
- I don't want to go. - The man's dying!
[GENTLE MUSIC]
[PHONE RINGS]
- Hello? - Okay, I'm coming.
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
- [Flight Attendant] Good afternoon and welcome aboard our nonstop flight to Dublin,
please make yourself comfortable, as we are scheduled for take-off in the next
10 minutes.
[TINKLE OF URINE]
- [Flight Attendant] In preparation for take-off
we ask all passengers to please take their seats.
- Champagne? - Sure, thank you.
- Are you visiting Ireland for business or pleasure?
- Well, that's what we're gonna find out.
[UPLIFTING MUSIC]
- [Flight Attendant] Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Ireland.
Local time is 10:45.
- [PA] The next train to depart from platform 2 will be the 1400 hours Iarnród Eireann
train to Ennis, calling at Newbridge, Monasterevin, Portarlington, Portlaoise,
Ballybrophy, Templemore, Thurles, Limerick and Ennis.
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
[DISTANT BELL TOLLING]
[SOUND OF LATIN MUSIC GETTING LOUDER]
- You wouldn't happen to Barry by any chance would you?
Well...
Ahhh, sure we could be brothers! [Laughs]
Welcome home.
- Let me take that. - Thank you.
- Oh, you're gonna drive?! [Laughs]
Okay!
[ENGINE STARTS AND LATIN MUSIC STARTS PLAYING]
- Is it your first time in Ireland? - Yeah, first time, never been.
Wonderful, wonderful.
It's so, so pretty.
Yes, yes, it is that.
- Unquestionably pretty. - It's very pretty.
You know what a place like that would go for in Manhattan?
No, no, I'm saying, you know we don't have open space like this and if
we did, I guarantee you somebody would put up a big high rise right in the
middle of it and then another one right next to it, a little bit higher just to piss off
- the people in the first one. - And why would they do that?!
- No, no they wouldn't, they wouldn't do that, I was just, you know, saying that...
[Laughs].
- I was only codding ye. - You what?
- I was taking the piss, you know, having you on.
- Okay. - I was teasing you.
Yeah, got it.
- I understood what you were saying, whilst pretending I didn't.
Got it.
Alright, funny, that's good, that's good.
Yeah.
- It is lovely. - That's all I was saying.
[PLAYFUL MUSIC]
- I hope you're not offended that we put you up in town.
No, please.
- No, it's just, with me father the way he is.
Of course, don't be silly.
Here we are.
This is nice.
- Well, this way I thought you could have a rest and, you know, settle in.
- [BELL RINGS] - Yeah, it's perfect.
- Ah well, it's not the Ritz now, you know, but you'll be comfortable enough.
- This is just perfect. [BELL RINGS]
- Gorman's Funeral Directors, is that you, is that us?
Yes it is indeed, yeah.
It was me father's business.
Now it's mine, ah it's a living you know.
Well, not for our customers it's not!
No, not for them.
- Our customers wouldn't be living... - They wouldn't, no.
- You wouldn't need a funeral home if you were...
Yeah, I got it, yeah.
- [BELL RINGS] - I'm coming, I'm coming.
You only need to hit it once you know, we're not the bloody bells of Ballindooley!
The what?!
Is this him, the Yank?
I can hear you.
Welcome, welcome.
Thank you.
- We have your room all ready for you. - Okay.
- And plenty of fresh towels. - Terrific.
I do hope you like it sir.
- I'm sure it'll be just fine, thank you.
I'll take it from here.
- I'll collect you about half six, right? - Huh?
- Sorry, six thirty. - Okay.
- And thank you again, really. - No problem.
- I'm not one to speak ill of others, but that's a strange family you've got.
- Really? - A sneaky lot.
Sneaky!?
- He's been very nice to me so far.
Okay.
I'll show you to your room.
Okay, thank you, all right.
I'll get it!
- No, no, no, please, you don't have to...
- Ah! That's how it's done around here, I'll get it.
[Grunts] Oh, you'll get it.
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
[Sigh].
[BRIEF TINKLE OF URINE]
[CAR HORN]
Aw shit!
So sorry, I must have fallen asleep.
- Ah not a problem, no, sure you had quite a journey.
No, no car, are you not up for a little walk?
- Is it far? - Ah no, not really.
Sure, why not?
- I gotta get my steps in anyway. - Your what?
- Steps, I gotta get my steps, doctor's orders.
10,000 steps a day I'm supposed to get. - Jesus, 10,000!
- Which sounds like a lot but I'll tell you, when I first started, you get three or
four just walking around the kitchen, you get three or four.
Here we are!
Ladies and gentlemen, listen up, listen up, hey, hey, hey!
Cousin Barry from America.
[CHEERING]
- Céad míle fáilte, welcome to Ireland.
Welcome indeed.
So nice to have you here.
When are you going back? I've a parcel you could take back to my niece, just a
few sausages, a bit of tea bags.
I hear they've shite tea in America, don't they!
Welcome to Ireland bro.
- Yeah welcome... [American accent] This here round's on me.
John Wayne...
- Barry. - Okay, hi.
- How nice to see you. - Let him through there lads.
Dad, your great nephew Barry.
All the way from America. He's come to see you.
- How do you do sir? It is, it is a pleasure to meet you.
The pleasure is entirely mine.
A fine looking lad!
[Speaks Irish]
What did he say?
- Oh, he said he thought you'd be taller.
[LAUGHTER]
I'd like you to hug.
- You know we actually did. - I did earlier on.
- When he picked me up. - But I didn't see it!
- Well, we did it. - Dad, come on.
- We certainly did. - I'd really like to see you hug.
- Two hugs seems like a lot for one day.
- Exactly. - Hug for feck sake!
[CHEERING]
- Peace in me lifetime, never thought I'd live to see it.
Let's seal it with a drink.
Sláinte.
Here, try this.
It's black pudding. Blood.
Pig's blood.
Thank you.
- So you're famous American cousin Barry.
Famous in this room only.
- I'm Fiona. - Hello Fiona.
- Famous only in this part of the room.
I can see why.
- Sorry. - Sorry?
- No, I didn't mean to sound like...
- Cheers. - Sláinte.
- Hey, Barry, what about O'Brien's restaurant on 46th Street, do you know it?
- My sister's boy works there. - Oh yeah, sure.
So you know him then, do you?
- No, not the boy, the restaurant, O'Brien's, it's very famous.
- O'Brien's is known for the best steaks and chops I'm told.
- Very good, very good, but I'll tell you something...
The best steak in New York is a place in Brooklyn...
- [New York accent] Hey Brooklyn.
Just a couple of wise guys from Brooklyn.
That's the place.
- Tell you what, you guys ever come to New York, I'll buy everybody a steak
- dinner, on me. - Oh, the big spender here.
- Do you hear that everybody, cousin Barry's taking us all to his New York for a steak dinner.
[CHEERING]
Yes?
Have you ever shot a man?
- Seems like a grand lad, doesn't he?
Grand indeed.
Are they his own teeth, would you say?
- All the way from America, he's come!
Jaysus, I'll be back.
- So it's like porridge. - Padraig.
- Pa-rick. - Paw-rig, Padraig.
- Rig, rig, Padraig. - Exactly.
- So you work with Ciaran, do you, the funeral home?
Yeah, yeah.
You know, you're the first American I've ever met in person.
I mean, I've seen them on the telly, you know, MTV and Bravo.
- Those reality shows you know. - That's perfect.
You know what, because we're all exactly like that.
- Really!? - No, I'm kidding.
I was having you on.
- I see the resemblance, he's got your sense of humour.
- [Laughs]. - I like your's better.
Help me up here would you?
A quick word if I may?
[Whistles].
- Surely you all know how delighted I am, in particular to have our guest from America.
That he should travel halfway around the world to be here with us tonight.
- Hear, hear. [APPLAUSE]
- But you might not quite know why.
Why it matters to me so.
I don't think many among you know the story.
- Ah Da, we all know it, yeah, we do, we know it.
No, we don't actually.
- I'll tell you some other time, alright.
Please Da, don't tell it.
Ah come on, let's hear it.
- I will tell it and you'll listen.
For this story, what's happened to my family is tragic.
And you need to hear it.
Many years ago, many miles and countries away from here,
there were two brothers.
There had been other brothers and sisters too, but poor cratures,
they all died young from disease and hunger.
And others died because, well because people can be fierce ignorant and cruel.
Their kind was not welcome where they lived.
In the very place they were born, their home.
In time their mother and father passed as well.
And the brothers found themselves alone.
No one in the world to care for, but each other.
So with nothing to keep them there, they set out to make a new home in America.
For it was there that the streets were paved with gold, don't you know.
Well, they travelled days upon days, until finally they made their way here to
Ireland, where they booked passage to cross the Atlantic.
But before they boarded ship, they stopped in a tavern.
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
And it's here that the story takes a turn.
[CAMERA FLASHES]
There was a woman!
Isn't there always?
Well, this one brother he was smitten.
So he follows her, this redhaired beauty.
[GENTLE MUSIC]
And they get to talking and walking.
Well it come time to set sail.
There was one brother on board and the other off pursuing the young lass.
[SHIP HORN]
And indeed, the ship takes to sea.
And the fellow on shore shouts, "I'll catch the next ship and meet you there".
But he didn't get the next ship or the next.
He stayed a lifetime for his heart had been claimed.
And that young man would be my grandfather.
- But what became of his brother?
Yeah, come on now, tell us.
Aye, there's the thing.
The brother made it to America all right, and it's said he stood at the docks, day
after day, awaiting his brother's arrival.
But he never did arrive.
I know that my grandfather wrote letter after letter, begging, pleading with his
brother to come over.
But his brother was prideful.
They wanted only to be together, but neither would budge.
And in time, the love between them soured and became something else.
Disappointment, then anger and in the end, disdain.
They never again met, never again spoke, nor did their children or their
children's children.
And thus, it has remained.
Until today, when the children of their children's children come together at last.
It's mighty easy to fall out, but the weight of carrying it forward is not easy at all.
So what's happened here tonight is a far trickier thing, a far bigger thing.
Aw shit!
We're all the same, aren't we?
Just as we're the same from whence we've all come.
Wait...
Does that mean we're all Jews then?!
I don't know, who cares!
[IRISH TRADITIONAL MUSIC PLAYS]
[Singing and laughing]
[PIANO MUSIC]
- ♪ There's a tear in your eye and I'm wondering why
♪ That it ever should be there at all
♪ With such power in your smile sure a stone you'd beguile
♪ And there's never a teardrop should fall
[RECORD CRACKLES]
- ♪ When your sweet lilting laughter's like some fairy song
♪ And your eyes twinkle bright as can be
♪ You should laugh all the while and all other times smile
♪ And now smile a smile for me
♪ When Irish eyes are smiling, sure it'’s like a morn in Spring
♪ In the lilt of Irish laughter, you can hear the angels sing
♪ When Irish hearts are happy... [STEADY STREAM OF URINE]
♪ all the world seems bright and gay
I love it here so much!
- ♪ ...when Irish eyes are smiling, sure they steal your heart away ♪
[WHISTLE]
[Shouting and cheering]
- [Ciaran] You came on a good day, we play a charity game on Saturdays.
It's all very friendly.
Yeah, it's quite nice.
It's Gaelic football, a little different.
- So it's like half soccer and half rugby?
Eh, a bit of basketball...
Oooohhh!
- And wrestling. - Yeah!
Come on!
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
That's the family we're playing for this weekend.
She lost her husband a few months back.
She's raising her children on her own now.
Can't be easy.
- That's what I tell my daughter, she's got a six month old.
She's raising him herself, which is... - Ah, tough.
Are you all right? Do you need to go...
I was getting my steps in.
One forward, one back.
I can stop.
But what about you, you never wanted kids yourself?
Me? I suppose I did.
But marriage wasn't really meant for me.
Nor me wife for that matter!
Ah, I didn't realize that.
Sorry.
- Whatever it was she was looking for in a man, she evidently hadn't found it in me.
Three years, start to finish.
- You know what, at least you found out early.
I was married 37 years before that was made clear to me.
What!?
Hang on a sec.
Whoa!
Oh, it's better than steps.
No kidding!
Holy shit!
This is just spectacular.
You know that right?
I do indeed.
- Do you see right over there? - Yeah, yeah.
That's where I always meant to put in a nice little wooden dock.
- Nice. - Yeah, nothing fancy.
Just somewhere to sit, take tea, as I watch the sun set over the water.
- That sounds like the life for me.
- Would it not be a bit uneventful for you?
Are you kidding!?
[BIRDS CHIRPING AND SHEEP BLEATING IN THE DISTANCE]
Nah, I could totally do this. Yeah.
- You're a natural. - I am.
So let me get this straight.
Your great grandfather, he comes here with nothing.
And somehow he manages to buy this piece of prime real estate?
- Mm-hmm.
How smart were those old guys!
But let me tell you precisely.
He got them to draw the boundary of the land a few feet short of the shore.
That way he didn't have to pay for the most expensive bit, but he could
still look on it for free. [Laughs]
Wow!
- Yep. - We come from clever men.
That we do.
You see the secret is to hit the tea just off the boil.
- Ah, okay. [PHONE RINGS]
So that's what I've been doing wrong.
I think I've been lingering.
- Ye-llo.
Ah, Padraig me boy. What's going on?
No, no, you tell Mrs. Gaffigan that that was the suit that Mr. Gaffigan specifically
requested to be buried in!
- Run that up to me da will ye? - Sure, sure.
- No, we are not going to open the casket again just to change his suit!
Look, listen to me...
It's cousin Barry.
[SOFT MUSIC]
Ciaran! Ciaran!
I'm so sorry.
Could you give me a minute?
Yeah, sure, sure.
[SOFT MUSIC]
[Sighs].
[PLAYFUL MUSIC]
- Be thankful that the good Lord granted Fergus such a rich and full life.
- Till the American arrives, and he's dead within 12 hours.
It's the grief talking.
- Let us remember these words written years ago, but surely could be spoke by
dear Fergus himself.
- Death... - [Sobbing].
..is nothing.
- Everything remains... - [Sobbing].
..as it was.
Whatever we were to each other...
..that we are still.
Laugh as we always laugh.
- Play... - [Loud sobbing].
..smile, think of me.
Pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word it always was.
Remember, let it be spoken without effort.
I am but waiting for you somewhere very near...
- [Loud sobbing]. - ..just around the corner.
How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting, when we meet again.
[Loud sobbing].
Bloody hell!
[SORROWFUL MUSIC]
[LOUD THUD]
- No, no, it's, [New York accent] I'm from Brooklyn, in New York.
- [New York accent] How you doing? I'm from Brooklyn.
No, you haven't got it.
- Jesus! - Exactly.
- Your father left half of everything to Barry?!
- Who he just met. - Uh huh.
- Half the house and half the land?
That's...
- That's beautiful. - Beautiful?!
- Sure, correcting the injustice of years ago, making the Americans whole, it's...
- It's lovely. - It's bollocks is what it is.
Does that look like my father's writing? - It does, yeah.
My arse!
Thanks for coming.
- That's the Yank for sure! - What?!
No, how would he even go about...
- And he was in me da's room alone.
- Go on, how long was he in there? - Long enough to scribble that!
- Ah, would you listen to you now?!
I tell you something else.
God forgive me for saying this out loud.
But who's to say that my da wasn't still alive when Barry entered the room?
- Would you stop now! - I'm serious.
Goes into the room, nobody's looking, he takes the pillow...
- Now you're talking utter bollox! - Ah, am I though?
What's going on here then?
- Ciaran thinks cousin Barry killed his father!
Hey, read that.
[PLAYFUL MUSIC]
Aw, that's lovely!
Lovely?!
The pair of ye.
- Maybe your dad did you a favour?
He's unburdened ye.
Because all the time I know you, you've been waiting to get rid of this place.
Maybe... but not to go to him!
[Mock American accent] A rich American who's gonna buy ya'll a steak dinner.
- Well, I don't think he said "ya'll".
- Do you not find it the least bit curious that he shows up in Ireland
precisely when he stands to benefit?
But you invited him!
Okay.
But why did he say yes so quickly? Answer me that.
You can't can you?
- Look, you have had a difficult few days.
And we all sometimes say things we don't mean.
And you can tell me to mind my own business if you like, but I think you owe
your cousin an apology.
- An apology? - An apology.
That crack at the cemetery was a bit harsh.
It was...
I'm just sayin'.
[Sighs].
[PLAYFUL MUSIC]
Listen, I just wanted to apologise for what I said in the cemetery.
Ah, come on.
- No, it was out of order. - No explanation necessary.
I lost my own father 34 years ago and I will tell you, I still miss him every day.
Every single day.
Can I get you a drink?
Yeah, why not?
- Very nicely done. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Here you go.
- Cheers. - Cheers.
- And about the will? - What?
- You need to tell him about the will, it's what your da wanted.
- All right, I suppose I'll have to.
When?
- I beg your pardon? - Well if it were me I'd tell him today.
Get it done with.
The nerve of her, huh!
- Well I kind of think she's right.
Jesus... the pair of ye!
All right, all right, I'll tell him today.
[Fiona] Good for you.
- Would it be all right if I went to the loo first?
Or would you like to schedule that for me as well?!
[Mumbles] ...persecution.
Bloody hell!
[PLAYFUL MUSIC]
- What you know now about Gaelic football could be written on the back of a stamp.
[Chattering]
- Just a shock, he looked so well.
- Just let that settle for a minute.
I'd like a quiet word.
Excuse me.
- Everything okay? - Yeah.
I just wanted you to know that my father was very fond of you.
My American boy, he called you.
- Ah well, I didn't know him long.
No, you didn't.
- But my goodness, what a special guy he was.
I feel, I feel lucky to have gotten to meet him.
- Anyway, as you know, it was my father's dying wish to make things right.
Bring the family back together again. - Right.
- And it was in that spirit that he made some very specific requests of his
estate and his property and of you.
Me?
- It would honour my father and my family, if you would accept this.
A pipe?
Oh, his favourite pipe.
He sucked on that yoke for 30 years or more.
- Seriously, it's very thoughtful, I don't, I don't smoke.
- He insisted you have it, picked it out special!
Something for him to remember me by, he said.
It would honour him and myself, if you would accept this.
Well, thank you.
- Of course, unless you'd rather have something else?
- Like his diary or an old shirt. - No, no.
The kettle?
He loved that kettle.
This is just beautiful.
This -- it's very considerate.
You know what, I'm going to put it on my desk back home and use it like a
- paperweight or something. - Grand!
Well if you could just sign at the top, date here and initial here, here and here.
What?!
- Well it just says that you've taken ownership of the pipe.
- You want me to sign a document stipulating I'm inheriting a pipe?
- Yeah, it's for your own protection really, you know, what with customs and
international travel and everything.
- Feels a little bit excessive, don't you think?
- It's just a pipe! - That's what I'm saying.
- It's just a pipe. - It's just a pipe.
- Well then just sign here! - With all due respect.
The one thing my father taught me, never sign anything until it's reviewed by
- outside counsel. - Oh, right.
- Just to be safe. - Of course.
- Always. - No, no, I understand.
We'll just have to wait on the pipe. - I think maybe that's best.
- Perhaps it was a bit soon to be discussing such things.
- Perhaps. - I apologise.
Why don't you hold on to the pipe, you know, you can get used to it,
the feel of it and all, okay?
Sure?!
Sneaky, feckin' bastard.
[UPBEAT MUSIC]
- Hi. - Hey.
- Not on your way in for a nightcap are you?
- No, no, I think I've had more than my fair share today.
No, I was just getting my steps in.
- Okay, come, I'll walk with you.
Make sure you're safe.
- No, no,you don't have to... - I'm just walking to my car.
Oh! Okay.
- Sorry. - Sorry?
I didn't mean to overstep.
You didn't.
- Okay, no, just because the way you looked at me, I just thought maybe I...
- I was smiling, because that was sweet.
Okay.
I'll tell you if you overstep.
- I'm not shy. - Got it.
- Are you carrying a firearm in there?
- No, you know what that is, it's a pipe.
That's Fergus' pipe.
Ciaran gave it to me.
That's lovely.
And you sorted everything out with him, did you?
About the other matter?
What other matter?
- Did Ciaran not discuss anything else with you?
[Natalya] That motherfucker!
- Can you believe the balls on this guy?!
- So not only is he screwing you, he controverts his father's dying wish?
- Yeah, which by the way, how about that?
The old man changes his will, leaves half of everything to me?
Unbelievable!
It's unbelievable.
- Wait, how did you find out, who told you?
This woman Fiona.
And is Fiona
the town crazy person?
No, she's very sweet
and very pretty.
- Really? - Yes.
And unless I am misreading
this entirely, she's quite taken with your father.
Get out of here!
Look at you, there two days, you got a girl and lakefront property.
Haha, first of all,
she's a child, she's like your age and second of all,
you know I'm not going to take the property, right?
- Why not? I mean legally it's half yours.
- I know, but... - But what are you going to do with it?
- Exactly. Although...
- Why should this asshole keep your half?
- Right? - The prick!
- Can you imagine... - Such a beautiful property too.
- I sent you those pictures, right? - Incredible, the view.
- Ooh! - What?
- Okay, I want you to look something up for me.
Shoot.
- You said he'd be here at eleven sharp.
It's not yet eleven.
- You also said he'd be here yesterday.
- He was feeling poorly yesterday, so...
- And you believe that did ye? - And why wouldn't I not?
- Because I don't trust the man. - I understand that, but...
- Good morning gentlemen. - Good morning to you...
Now you behave yourself. How are you doing today?
- Very well indeed. Morning Ciaran.
- Well gentlemen, I think we're aware we've got a bit of a tricky knot to
- untangle here. - Let me make this easy for everyone.
I'm not gonna take anything, this is your home.
But you don't want your half?
Nah.
The cottage, the land?
- No, you know what, I'm genuinely touched by your father's generosity, truly
I am and I love what he was trying to do, but I can't accept this, it's not right.
You stay here, you enjoy your home as you always have.
Are you sure about this now?
And you'd sign a legal document to that effect?
- Oh yeah, wherever you want, show me where.
- There. - Here we go, no questions asked.
Okay?
- Well, I feel like a proper eejit now.
Not at all.
I was gonna come clean, I was.
Well, I'd just lost me da and I was...
- He was hurt. - You were hurt.
- Exactly, I was hurt and there you are...
And we hardly know you and me father gives you...
- Hey, please, I'd have felt the same way.
- Really? - Absolutely.
- Didn't I tell you he was a good man!
That he is, that he is.
- Sláinte. - Sláinte.
Ah, well I'll be off.
- Thanks Seamus. - Thank you.
- [Seamus] I'm glad things have turned out the way they have.
- Hats off to you cousin Barry, you're a better man than I am.
- Ah come on, not at all, not at all.
- I feel kinda like now ye have to take it.
- All right I will. - What!?
- I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I was having one on ye.
That was a good one.
- But I hope you know that you're always welcome.
Any time.
- I may just take you up on that.
- It sure is lovely here. - Ah, that it is.
[SOUND OF HEAVY MACHINERY]
- Which is why I decided to build here.
Huh?!
You can't...
- No, no, no, no, not here, there.
Remember how you told me your great grandfather never bought those last few
feet, well guess what? I did!
Yeah.
Great, just bring it on down, good, we're right by the water, as close as you can.
Straight ahead, thank you, Malachy, Deacon, beautiful.
Nice fellas.
Yeah, yes, I'm thinking of putting in a nice wooden dock right around there.
Nothing fancy, just a nice spot to take my tea and watch the sun set over the
water and maybe a wall, like a wall, nice and high, to protect my view.
Keep out the riff-raff.
Sláinte.
You dirty...
How is he building on my feckin' land?
- I assure you he's not building, he's just moving dirt round or something.
Oh, okay.
And can he do that?
- If it's his land he can. Is it his land?
Then he can.
It just doesn't seem right.
Does it seem right to you, huh, that he can come in here, a foreigner, huh,
and feck around with our land and our way of life and, and cause all this, this,
- this... - Acrimony.
- No, no, this, this... - Rancour.
Not rancour as much as...
Malevolence.
- Emnity? - Whatever!
There has to be a law against it.
- Ah, you mean the anti-rancour and acrimony statute?
- Yes! - No.
- What about for being an arsehole huh?
There must be a law against that!
[PLAYFUL MUSIC]
- I seem to recall we have something to that effect.
Yes, yes we do.
[Laughing]
Yeah, yeah, I like this.
Hey kid, Malachy.
Come here.
I think I might be wrong, let's go higher, like 20%.
- You'll figure that out? - Sure.
- And wider too, 50 feet that way and again the same that way.
- Okay, so 100 feet... - You got it boss!
- Yeah. - You got it, wait a second.
See this? You finish ahead of schedule...
- You get the other half. - Right you are.
- I'll hold it. - Where's my half?
- Not in front of the American. - Give me my 20!
[SIREN]
- Alright, alright, let's cease and desist on all the work.
- Whoa, whoa, wait a second, what seems to be the problem?
- The problem is, is that this construction started without proper permits.
Oh, I beg to differ.
These were filed yesterday and valid as of this morning.
- How'd you get this? - How?
These take years to get!
Yeah, well, I made some calls.
- Well, be that as it may, I'm sorry to say that we have a serious violation of
local ordinances.
Oh, is that right?
- Of several ordinances actually. - Really?
Which ones?
- Which ordinances? - Mm-hmm.
- Or which violations? - Your call.
- Well, I have a full list if you care to... - I care to.
- Well, do you know what, the list itself is back in the station.
Oh, that's unfortunate.
- I can go and retrieve it if you'd like? - I would like.
Well... yeah.
I'll go and retrieve it then.
Not so much as a hammer raised until this is resolved.
[PLAYFUL MUSIC]
[SIREN]
[Mumbles].
[SHEEP BLEATING]
- I knew he can be stubborn and childish, Ciaran, but to involve the guards!?
It t'was a low blow alright.
- Violation of local ordinances, we can all make up fancy words.
Hey, were we talking with you?
- [New York accent] Your Honor, my client is totally innocent of the alleged infractions.
- [New York accent] I've got your infraction, right here!
- You should be ashamed of yourself, defiling our natural beauty like that, shame.
- Ah lay off him Cooney, fair play as I see it, after what your man Ciaran did to him?!
- Ahh, everyone knows you've had it in for that family, ever since your wife's
funeral when he made her look like a powdered Beagle!
Well she was no oil painting to start with, you know.
- Come over here and say that to my face, Martin Cooney!
I wouldn't waste the journey!
- If I was 20 years younger, I swear...
- We're the same age ye daft looner ye!
- Looks like you're now famous outside this room as well!
Apparently.
- I hope you'll be the mature one now and not let this escalate any further.
- Me?! What makes you think that I would ever...
[Screams from outside]
[Woman] Mother of Jesus!
Jesus Christ!
What the fuckin' Jesus...
- I came in to give the floor a final once over, I turned on the light and I see...
Oh look what they've done to the floors!
- There's shit all over the place.
- How did they get in here in the first place?
[BLEATING]
[PLAYFUL MUSIC]
- Bless all... apart from the fucking Yanks!
[CLANG]
- Want to play games with me pal?
Bring it on! Bring it on!
- Picked the wrong Irishman to mess with!
[SOFT MUSIC]
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
- I got plenty of towels, thank you.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
Oh my God.
I say, thank you, I have plenty of...
- Truce. - Huh?
Truce.
What fuckin' truce?!
- What do you mean truce? - I mean enough.
What are we doing, huh?
I mean, this is precisely what my father was trying to bring to an end...
And look at us.
We're as bad as the rest of them.
Can I come in?
No!
All right, fair enough.
Well, I just want to tell you that...
Okay, come in.
Just come in.
- In honour of my father and your father, and all the fathers before,
what do you say we bring an end to this now?
No, I know, I know, I know, I was the one that started it all with you.
And for that I truly apologise.
It wasn't big and it wasn't clever.
So I get why you struck back at me and I struck back at you and you struck
back at me again.
But on and on it goes, towards what?
What good can come of it?
- Are you playing with me right now? - No, no, no, no, I'm not, no.
God, no.
Okay.
Okay?
I'm saying yeah, you're right.
We can do better.
Ahhhh...
Good man.
- Done. - Right.
I must say that that bit with the sheep, that was very good.
- Thank you... man, those are some filthy creatures!
- Ah Barry, we're all filthy creatures.
[PLAYFUL MUSIC]
Huh!
Hmm.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
- [Barry] What, did you change your mind already?
- I brought you some fresh towels.
- Oh, that's okay, I've got plenty of towels.
I've already brought them!
Okay, thank you.
Thank you.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
- You know, there's only so many towels a person can have.
Can I come in?
- Huh? Yes, sure, of course.
- Okay, look, this nonsense has got to stop, yourself and Ciaran are like a pair
of eejits, you're embarrassing yourselves, you're embarrassing the
town, and someone's gonna get hurt.
I'm not saying you're entirely to blame...
- I already had this conversation. - Hmm?
- He was just here. - Ciaran, when?
- Like a minute ago, and we called a truce.
- You did? - Yes.
We agreed no more fighting, no more quarrelling...
- That's great, that is wonderful news.
Good for you.
- Yeah, we decided we're going to appeal to our better angels.
I'm not sure I have better angels, but...
Oh, I think you do.
I've just seen them.
- Ah shit are we gonna kiss now? - What?
Because, you know what, it's been a very long time for me.
I'm in pyjamas, which is not at all... - I wasn't going to kiss you.
- You weren't. Okay, well, that's embarrassing.
You Americans!
- To be fair, I don't know that's an American thing really, so much as,
- you know, most men. - Okay. Okay.
Look, I just -- I'm glad that you've both come to your senses.
I'm proud of you.
Thank you.
Can I give you a hug?
Or will that confuse you further?
- No, it won't confuse me, I can handle a hug.
Oh the cagey fucker!
I hope now I didn't overstep.
- No, no, no, very glad you came.
- Well, well, well, isn't this lovely and cosy?
This is not what you think.
- Was this your plan all along, huh? - No, no, no.
- To sleep with my ex wife? - Not at all... wait, what?!
- And you think that will break me?
Stop talking shite.
Nobody slept with anybody.
- Wait, wait, go back, go back, what do you mean your ex wife?
Wait a sec, that's who you were married to!
- What's that supposed to mean? - Like you didn't know!
- How the hell would I know that?
- I didn't tell him. - Why not?
- Why would I? - How would you not tell me that?
It's ancient history!
- There's like 12 people in the whole town.
You didn't think it was worth mentioning that the guy you married is the one guy I know?
- I'm not in the habit of talking about my business to people I've just met.
- And that way you can play him against me.
I'm not playing anybody!
- Wait a sec, is that what that was?
Is that what what was?
- The flirting. - I wasn't flirting.
Jesus Christ would you stop flattering yourself.
You're old enough to be my father.
Younger than him!
- Well you wouldn't think it to watch him exercise.
A proper stroke I thought he was having...
Oh, oh, oh!
I didn't ever make that sound.
Okay, wait a second, how do I know this wasn't all part of your plan?
- What plan? - Okay, see now it makes sense.
What makes sense?
- You send in your ex to double team me and that way you can work me from both sides.
Oh I hope you stop all this and give Ciaran his land back.
Okay, I got it now.
- I was the one that told him to stop being an arse and do the right thing by you.
She did, actually.
- Okay, so maybe the last part was wrong, but you know what...
- I wonder why? - Why what?
- Why were you so concerned that he gets his half of the property, huh?
Do you know that she has a vested interest in this particular piece of land?
- Oh, for fuck sake! - [Barry] What, what, what?
- Tell him, how you might stand to benefit if the land was broken up between us.
- You are such an enormous arsehole!
- When my great grandfather bought the land, remember you commented on
how clever he was?
Do you know who he bought it from?
- Would you care to guess? - No.
- Ah go on, go on, have a guess, have a guess.
- I don't... - Have a guess go on!
Just fucking tell me.
Her great, great grandfather.
Really?
- It happened a thousand years ago.
Who gives a shit what happened then?
- Well it certainly didn't help our marriage.
- Oh no, you didn't help our marriage, let me let you in on a little secret.
Our marriage didn't end because of a stupid story about a stupid piece of land.
Our marriage ended because you are petty and spiteful and angry at
everyone but yourself, for whatever the fuck it is you think the world owes you!
I tell you what, you can both take the land and the house and shove them both
up both your asses for all I care!
[DOOR SLAMS]
[FOOTSTEPS RECEDING]
I don't think I'm petty.
I was serious before, I really wanted to make peace with you.
Oh, me too.
- Swords into ploughshares and all that.
Yeah, same here.
But now...
You're going to be a sorry man you ever set foot in Ireland.
Oh, I already am.
But if you think I'm leaving now? Fat chance of that.
Oh, big city boy.
Very clever, huh?
You may have met your match.
- I may have, but it sure as hell ain't you!
Well, we'll see about that.
- Oh yeah, we will see about that.
- Did I tell you, they're a sneaky lot.
Yeah.
[PLAYFUL MUSIC]
- Good man yourself. - Shame!
[SIREN]
[SCREECH OF TIRES]
Maybe the worst parking ever!
- All right, up against car please.
What are you doing?
Hands behind your back.
- I didn't steal the sheep, I borrowed them.
Off who?
- Off from whoever's sheep they were.
Uh hmm.
- If anything I was doing those sheep a service,
I took them off the street where God knows what can happen
and I brought them inside.
Brought them inside where?
- Into Ciaran's... - Yeah, exactly.
That's known as breaking and entering.
- Yeah, and this is known as a breaking my balls bullshit charge.
And are these really necessary?
[CAMERA CLICK] Hey!
- It's for my scrapbook, you are my first American.
That's certainly not legal.
- You know what, maybe you're right?
I'm gonna make an executive decision and say...
You're free to go.
- Just don't do it again. - I won't.
Did you get it?
[PHONE BEEPS]
[Sighs].
[Chuckles].
- He should pay his lamb malfeasance.
In an eternity of his own screams.
- Enough! - I'll stop.
Yeah, that's it.
[PLAYFUL MUSIC]
[PHONE BUZZES]
- Hey. - [Natalya] Did you get arrested? Is that true?
- What? - Did you get arrested for
misappropriating and confining nine adult sheep?
For God's sake!
- How do you know about that? - It's online.
It's all over the place.
Veteran New York developer, Barry Gorman, arrested overseas.
Manhattan tower builder caught with sheep.
- Oh, that's hysterical. - Really?!
Well guess who just pulled out of the 57th Street deal?
- Wait they what? - Yep.
No, they can't do that.
- Really? Because they just did.
- What do you mean? Why?
Because they don't want to be in business with an international sheep stealer.
Okay, well, that's just nuts.
I'm gonna call them and I will explain what happened, because this is crazy.
Dad,
it's done!
They pulled out.
It doesn't matter what you say to them.
- It's gone. - What do you mean it's gone?
- I mean, someone else is going to build 57th Street, not us.
- Yeah, okay, I'm gonna call you back.
[LIVELY MUSIC]
- Hey! Fuckhead!
[LOUD THUD]
Is that funny to you?
Screwing with my livelihood.
- Okay, okay, settle down now lads.
No you settle down.
- You settle down. - How you doing?
- Do you have any idea how much money you just cost me?
Do you have any fucking idea?!
Have you lost your mind?
This guy, this guy is a snake.
- This guy is a fuckin'... - Better a rat than a snake.
- Now don't you be slagging off Ciaran, he's a good man.
Oh, really?!
- He tried to screw him out of his inheritance.
- He put that stupid wall up in his garden.
- Yeah, only in direct response to him.
- Ah you're talking out your arse. - Oh am I?
- Yeah, now shut your hole, or I'll shut it for you.
- Wooo, will ya, I'd like to see you try!
[Clamoring]
[SOFT PIANO MUSIC]
[SINGER VOCALIZING]
- Jesus, he's having a heart attack!
- Give him some air. - Lift his head up.
- That's for choking - Give him the Heimlich.
That's also for choking.
- You're meant to elevate his feet.
Someone call an ambulance.
Well, let's get him into it then!
[PLAYFUL MUSIC]
- Aw, you poor crature. - You'll be all right son, hang in there.
I'll bet he's faking it.
- Ahhh, we'll have none of that now.
Did you see that?
Really?!
- There, look, he did it again the minute you turned around.
Oh I'm on to you, you Yankee bastard.
You're not fooling anybody.
- You should be ashamed of yourself.
[SIREN]
[PHONE BUZZING]
- [Natalya] Hi Dad. Dad?
- Sorry, is this Barry Gorman's daughter?
- Yes. Who's this?
[GENTLE MUSIC]
You alright?
- Me head's throbbing a bit, but I'm okay.
- That was a fierce whack you took, wouldn't have guessed he could throw that hard.
[GENTLE MUSIC]
- Am I dead now? - You're most certainly not!
You've had what's called a cardiac incident, no damage to the heart itself.
Okay.
- But we're going to keep you here a day or two longer, just in case you keel over again.
Okay, thank you.
- I've been asked to tell you that your daughter should be arriving tomorrow.
Oh, good, good, good.
Right, I'll leave you to rest.
Okay, thank you.
- All right, Mr. Gorman. - Yes.
- Oh sorry, I meant this Mr. Gorman.
What the...
- Oh Jesus, you're not putting me in with him are you?
What's the matter with him?
- Well, we thought there that he might have had a concussion.
Or worse, as a general rule, we suggest avoid getting hit in the face...
With anything!
Perhaps at some point, a prayer of gratitude from each of you would be in order.
You've both been quite lucky today.
- Excuse me, I'm wondering if there's another room that I can have,
- because I'm not comfortable. - We've got a full house at the moment
so I'm afraid this is all we have to offer.
- Well, is there someone else I can talk to, the manager?
The manager?
- I don't know what it's called here, but I'm not... I insist...
Is there a problem?
Nah, there's no, no problem.
We're fine, thank you.
[WHIRRING]
- I'm sorry I gave you a concussion.
You didn't!
- I'm sorry I almost gave you a concussion.
That's really not okay, it's just, there's no excuse for that.
And I just want to say I'm sorry, truly.
[WHIRRING]
[PLAYFUL MUSIC]
[WHIRRING]
- I'm sorry I killed your business.
I didn't mean to do that.
I wanted to embarrass you.
I don't deny that, I wanted to poke you with a stick, but...
Well, I'm sorry about that.
[PLAYFUL MUSIC]
You know, I meant what I said the other night about wanting to end this.
Hey, so did I.
And yet, here we are.
Here we are.
What shall we do then?
You and I, how can we...
[Sighs].
What is it you'd like?
Pfft, what do you want?
- Well I suppose I'd like to be a bigger man.
I'd like to be able to honour me da's wishes and do what he asked.
I'd like to trust you.
But... can I speak honestly?
- Please. - I don't trust you.
Well, I don't trust you.
- Well, common ground then, maybe we can build on that.
How about we both sleep on it and we attack it fresh in the morning, huh?
Fair enough.
I think my daughter's coming tomorrow.
Ah, that'll be nice, eh.
[WHIRRING]
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, what are you doing?
Well, I thought we were done.
- Yes, but if you close that I can't see the window.
- Well if we leave it open, we can see each other and that benefits no one.
I'm with you there.
- How about we leave it half open, you know, half open half closed,
- is that fair? - That sounds fair, let's see that.
[WHIRRING]
Stop for a second.
We can't both do it.
We can't both do it at the same time, put yours down.
You put yours down first.
[PLAYFUL MUSIC]
Would you like to do it?
You can do it.
Or I can do it.
You do it.
[WHIRRING]
How's that?
Can't really see the window.
Jesus Christ!
[WHIRRING]
Litte more.
[WHIRRING]
Perfect!
Thank you.
I can still see you.
- Are you f-- kidding me?
[WHIRRING]
A little bit more.
[WHIRRING] A bit more, bit more.
I'm losing window.
- [WHIRRING] - Go on, go on, nearly there.
[WHIRRING] Too much.
- Okay? - Perfect.
Ahhh!
- I think my daughter's coming tomorrow.
So you said.
She's a great girl.
I'm sure she is.
I worry about her though.
You know, you always want your kids to find someone.
Not that she couldn't manage on her own.
Obviously, she's very capable.
She could do, she'd be fine on her own, but it's not the same, it's not the same.
[WHIRRING] When you have two people...
When there's two people, then you always have somebody in your corner.
You always have some...
Still talking!
- [Fiona] I didn't know if you still liked crossword puzzles.
- [Ciaran] Oh, I do, I do. - Good.
I brought you some of those as well.
- You can split them between you. - Thank you.
- And I brought you a bunch of these.
You can read up on your Kardashians.
- Fantastic! That's great.
Hey, do Americans play chess?
Yes, Americans play chess.
- All right then, you two can have at it.
- As long as you play nicely. - Oh, we will, we will.
- Yeah, I think you're thinking of the old us, because we're fine now.
- Hello. - There you you are.
- There you are! - Hello.
- How are you? - I'm fine.
Please tell her I'm fine.
He's grand, right as rain.
- This is my daughter. - Very nice to meet you.
Hi.
- Where's the baby? - What baby?
Home, in very safe hands.
That's probably best.
Come, come, come.
You gotta meet everybody.
Okay, this is cousin Ciaran.
This is my beautiful daughter Natalya.
Ah, hello, hello, how are you?
And this is Fiona.
[BRIGHT MUSIC]
- [Officer] The greatest happiness of life is the conviction of being loved,
loved for ourselves.
If there's anything better than being loved, it is to love another.
[Loud sobbing].
- For God's sake, would you ever get a hold of yourself?
- For God does not make a love that is wrong.
This is a union of two individuals, of heart, mind, body and spirit.
Therefore, marriage should not be entered into lightly, but, reverently,
honestly and deliberately.
I now have a question for each of you.
Natalya, you have chosen Fiona to be your wife and partner through life,
will you love and respect her?
Will you be honest with her always?
And will you stand with her through whatever may come?
I will.
- Fiona, you have chosen Natalya to be your wife and partner through life.
Will you love and respect her?
Will you be honest with her always?
And will you stand with her through whatever may come?
I will.
- Well then, by the power vested in me by the fine people of Ireland, and by the
loving grace of God, and that can be any god that you want.
I know pronounce you married.
You may... oh hang on is this where we do the bit with the glass?
[Whistles].
[GLASS BREAKING]
[APPLAUSE]
You may now seal the marriage with a kiss.
[APPLAUSE]
[MUSIC AND LAUGHTER]
- You know how much I love you, right?
I do, yeah.
And you...
You know how happy I am that you two found each other?
I do, yeah.
- By the way I can do this now, because you're my daughter-in-law.
- You know. - I understand.
- Okay, and you'll tell me if I overstep. - You're overstepping.
- [Woman] Natalya? - Love you guys.
- Oi, well, we better go spend some time with my mother
or we'll never hear the end of it. - Go, go, go.
By the way, her new guy...
Right!
- Fergus, with our Fergus?! - That was ages ago.
He hadn't married yet.
Also, do remember old man Coughlan?
- Had the upholstery and knitting shop?
Did him as well.
- I'm not sure this is quite the time or place to be confessing.
- I'm not confessing, I'm just telling ye.
Here's one that'll surprise you.
Do you remember the McDermott twins, Graham and Douglas?
Well...
[CHEERING]
- Hey. - Yeah.
- You know, maybe I'm thick, but it honestly never occurred to me that it was
women she fancied.
I don't know that she did.
She just fancies my daughter.
- Well you just get pig's blood and you stuff it in to the beef's intestines.
No? Get her a drink there will ye?
- [Malachy] [New York accent] You ever been to Brooklyn?
It's right by the water.
Oh, it's beautiful in Brooklyn.
- Have you been to Brooklyn? - What are you kiddin'?
- I'm from Brooklyn. - Hey, come on.
Ah just forget it.
[LIVELY MUSIC]
- He's a pure dote that grandson of yours.
Who's the other kid?
- Well, that's Fiona's sister's little fella.
Okay.
- I suppose that makes him me ex-nephew.
And now he's my nephew?
- [Padraig] Oi, keep it away from the grown ups now, right.
There you are.
Listen to this.
So I'm standing there getting some deviled eggs.
And Caitlin Murphy comes over to say she was unhappy with how we did her
grandmother's funeral.
And I said, love, I'm off the clock.
And incidentally, that was four years ago.
[Laughter]
- I don't know what you're telling me for, it's your problem now.
It's your business.
We're gonna miss you.
Nah, you're not!
[SOUND OF BREAKING GLASS]
What did I just tell you?
I'm sorry about that Mrs. Scully.
Come here you!
- So what is your plan? - Oh, no plan.
Just see it all.
There's a great big world out there beyond this parish.
- Well, I think your father would be quite pleased with all of this.
I think he would Seamus.
- You boys have done something mighty.
- [Ciaran] Nah. - No, ye have.
I don't know why it is we always need to be going at each other?
I suppose it's human nature.
But you've put an end to it.
In this corner of the world you have.
And that's a marvellous thing, a pure marvellous thing.
Your father would be very proud.
- You know what, here's to Fergus.
To Fergus.
[LIVELY MUSIC]
[Children cooing]
Well, I guess we did it.
I guess we did.
- Finally, peace in the family. - Amen.
[Crying]
[PHONE RINGS]
- Hello, hey I was hoping you'd call, so what do you think?
Oh, tis lovely, lovely indeed!
[LIVELY MUSIC]
[GENTLE MUSIC]
[LIVELY MUSIC]
♪ When Irish eyes are smiling
♪ Sure it is like a morn in Spring
♪ In the lilt of Irish laughter
♪ You can hear the angels sing
♪ When Irish hearts are happy
♪ All the world seems bright and gay
♪ And when Irish eyes are smiling
♪ Sure they steal your heart away ♪