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Downloaded from
YTS.MX
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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX
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- Hi. How are you?
- I'm good. Thanks.
4
00:00:55,514 --> 00:00:56,867
Who do I make this out to?
5
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Uh, Bobbi with an "I".
6
00:01:02,605 --> 00:01:04,940
In the prologue,
you say you wrote this book
7
00:01:05,024 --> 00:01:06,864
in order to better understand
and accept death.
8
00:01:07,526 --> 00:01:08,736
Um...
9
00:01:08,819 --> 00:01:10,988
Yeah. It feels unnatural to me.
10
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I can't accept that something
alive has to die.
11
00:01:13,407 --> 00:01:14,450
Thank you.
12
00:01:15,868 --> 00:01:16,869
- Ingrid...
- Mm.
13
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We've fulfilled the hour.
14
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I mean, in fact, we've gone over.
15
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Well, there's still a lot of people waiting.
16
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Yes. We'll do what you want.
17
00:01:24,043 --> 00:01:25,169
Could you sign mine?
18
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Stella! I didn't see you.
19
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Why didn't you come straight up?
20
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I was embarrassed.
21
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You draw a crowd!
22
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- A lot of young people.
- Thank you.
23
00:01:33,552 --> 00:01:34,887
Not just women.
24
00:01:34,970 --> 00:01:37,056
Stella, this is Anne.
Anne, my friend Stella.
25
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- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
26
00:01:38,474 --> 00:01:40,202
I'm gonna stay until
I've signed for everybody.
27
00:01:40,226 --> 00:01:42,728
Yes. I'll just make sure that
no one else joins the line.
28
00:01:42,812 --> 00:01:43,854
Okay.
29
00:01:44,688 --> 00:01:46,690
Oh, I haven't seen you in forever.
30
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I'm living in Boston now.
31
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I came to see my son,
32
00:01:49,819 --> 00:01:51,403
and to visit Martha in the hospital.
33
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You know she has cancer, right?
34
00:01:55,241 --> 00:01:56,242
It's a bad one.
35
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Martha?
36
00:01:57,618 --> 00:01:58,618
Martha Hunt?
37
00:01:58,661 --> 00:01:59,662
Yes.
38
00:01:59,745 --> 00:02:01,622
She's at Manhattan Memorial
Cancer Center.
39
00:02:01,705 --> 00:02:02,865
I thought you would've heard.
40
00:02:03,457 --> 00:02:05,257
No. To be honest,
I haven't seen her in years.
41
00:02:05,292 --> 00:02:07,503
Martha is sick? I can't imagine it.
42
00:02:07,586 --> 00:02:09,964
If you go see her,
it'll make her very happy.
43
00:02:10,047 --> 00:02:11,632
Yeah. Of course.
44
00:02:11,715 --> 00:02:12,967
Of course I will.
45
00:02:13,050 --> 00:02:16,679
Um, thank you so much for coming.
I really appreciate it.
46
00:02:16,762 --> 00:02:17,805
Congratulations.
47
00:02:17,888 --> 00:02:18,889
- Thank you.
- Mm!
48
00:02:18,973 --> 00:02:20,116
- I'll see you soon.
- Thanks.
49
00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:21,141
- Bye.
- Bye.
50
00:02:24,019 --> 00:02:25,020
Hi.
51
00:02:27,147 --> 00:02:29,358
- Who do I make this out to?
- Frances.
52
00:02:30,693 --> 00:02:33,279
- Is that you?
- No, it's my girlfriend.
53
00:02:33,362 --> 00:02:34,363
She really admires you.
54
00:02:35,155 --> 00:02:36,740
- So do I.
- Thank you.
55
00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:43,080
Could you write "It won't happen again"?
56
00:02:45,583 --> 00:02:46,750
Of course I can.
57
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Yes. Thank you. It won't happen again.
58
00:02:52,631 --> 00:02:53,631
I hope not.
59
00:03:09,815 --> 00:03:12,359
Hi. I'm here to see Martha Hunt.
60
00:03:12,443 --> 00:03:14,069
I think she's on the 16th floor.
61
00:03:14,153 --> 00:03:15,404
Okay. One sec.
62
00:03:17,948 --> 00:03:20,284
Yes. Room 1614.
63
00:03:20,367 --> 00:03:22,536
The elevator is at the end
of the hall, on the left.
64
00:03:22,620 --> 00:03:23,787
- Thanks.
- No problem.
65
00:03:45,851 --> 00:03:46,852
Martha?
66
00:03:48,354 --> 00:03:49,438
Ingrid!
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What a surprise!
68
00:03:53,192 --> 00:03:55,361
- How did you hear?
- I ran into Stella.
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00:03:55,444 --> 00:03:56,946
- She told me.
- Oh.
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00:03:58,113 --> 00:04:01,075
I'm so sorry, I didn't
even know you were sick.
71
00:04:01,158 --> 00:04:03,786
Oh, well, you with your work
and me with mine.
72
00:04:03,869 --> 00:04:06,497
I mean, time's gotten away from us.
73
00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:08,207
Yes, and I was living in Paris.
74
00:04:08,290 --> 00:04:11,085
Yeah, I heard.
I've been reading about you.
75
00:04:11,168 --> 00:04:13,212
I know you have published another book
76
00:04:13,295 --> 00:04:15,047
and it's doing very well.
77
00:04:15,130 --> 00:04:16,674
Thank you.
78
00:04:17,299 --> 00:04:18,300
So...
79
00:04:19,426 --> 00:04:20,427
How are you?
80
00:04:21,679 --> 00:04:23,806
I'm sure you're sick of telling everybody.
81
00:04:24,807 --> 00:04:27,685
Well, it's cervical cancer. Stage three.
82
00:04:28,227 --> 00:04:31,021
It isn't operable,
but they're treating me, so
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00:04:31,105 --> 00:04:33,482
looks like I'm not gonna die quite yet.
84
00:04:34,525 --> 00:04:39,655
Um, I've become a guinea pig
for an experimental treatment
85
00:04:39,738 --> 00:04:42,032
and the results are better
than the doctors expected.
86
00:04:42,116 --> 00:04:43,158
- Great!
- Yeah.
87
00:04:43,242 --> 00:04:45,577
That's great! Well, you seem
like you're in good spirits.
88
00:04:46,453 --> 00:04:49,665
Well, I swing between
euphoria and depression.
89
00:04:49,748 --> 00:04:51,083
Oh, I'm so sorry.
90
00:04:51,166 --> 00:04:54,461
No, it's normal,
and the doctors warned me, you know.
91
00:04:55,004 --> 00:04:56,338
- Highs and lows.
- Mm-hmm.
92
00:04:57,214 --> 00:04:58,257
Mm-hmm.
93
00:04:59,216 --> 00:05:00,759
It will sound absurd,
94
00:05:01,719 --> 00:05:05,097
but after all the accepting
and preparing to face the end,
95
00:05:06,557 --> 00:05:09,226
survival feels almost disappointing.
96
00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:10,519
Oh, don't say that.
97
00:05:10,602 --> 00:05:12,354
No, I was prepared to leave.
98
00:05:15,274 --> 00:05:18,861
In fact, when they gave me
the initial diagnosis,
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00:05:19,445 --> 00:05:20,547
I didn't want any treatment.
100
00:05:20,571 --> 00:05:22,197
Well, I'm glad you changed your mind.
101
00:05:23,699 --> 00:05:26,535
'Cause, you know, just the thought...
102
00:05:26,618 --> 00:05:28,245
And that I wouldn't know...
103
00:05:28,328 --> 00:05:30,581
Anyway, I realized that I really...
104
00:05:31,248 --> 00:05:34,585
I'm not ready to abandon
the party just yet.
105
00:05:35,544 --> 00:05:38,922
But I had truly gotten used to the idea.
106
00:05:39,798 --> 00:05:42,426
Well, I suppose that it's good
to get used to the idea,
107
00:05:42,509 --> 00:05:43,886
but without giving up, right?
108
00:05:45,137 --> 00:05:46,857
You've been through
a lot of wars, remember?
109
00:05:47,556 --> 00:05:49,308
I live with them every day.
110
00:05:52,352 --> 00:05:55,439
Oh, Ingrid, I'm so happy to see you.
111
00:05:55,522 --> 00:05:57,775
I almost called you a thousand times.
112
00:05:57,858 --> 00:05:58,984
- I'm sorry.
- Me, too!
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00:05:59,068 --> 00:06:00,948
It's ridiculous that
we haven't seen each other.
114
00:06:00,986 --> 00:06:03,614
I promise I'm gonna visit
until you get sick of me.
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00:06:03,697 --> 00:06:05,032
Will you?
116
00:06:05,115 --> 00:06:06,533
You promise?
117
00:06:06,617 --> 00:06:08,160
I'm gonna hold you to that.
118
00:06:08,243 --> 00:06:09,703
Your daughter knows, I guess.
119
00:06:10,913 --> 00:06:11,914
Yes.
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00:06:13,582 --> 00:06:17,503
When I first made up my mind
to forgo any treatment,
121
00:06:17,586 --> 00:06:18,670
I told her,
122
00:06:20,005 --> 00:06:21,131
and she just said...
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00:06:22,341 --> 00:06:23,509
"It's your choice."
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Period.
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00:06:26,178 --> 00:06:27,971
As if it was something trivial,
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00:06:29,223 --> 00:06:31,058
something that had
nothing to do with her.
127
00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:34,269
How are you two getting along?
128
00:06:34,353 --> 00:06:36,396
Um, same as ever.
129
00:06:36,480 --> 00:06:37,898
We're barely in touch.
130
00:06:37,981 --> 00:06:39,358
What does she do?
131
00:06:39,441 --> 00:06:40,526
She's doing well.
132
00:06:40,609 --> 00:06:44,029
She is, uh, an agent
for classical musicians.
133
00:06:47,241 --> 00:06:48,659
It might sound horrible,
134
00:06:50,536 --> 00:06:53,247
but I don't feel like she's my daughter.
135
00:06:55,374 --> 00:06:58,669
I fantasize frequently about
her being swapped at birth.
136
00:06:58,752 --> 00:07:00,045
What?
137
00:07:00,129 --> 00:07:02,798
What are you talking about?
She looks just like you.
138
00:07:02,881 --> 00:07:04,091
She has your face.
139
00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:08,637
I never interested her as a mother.
140
00:07:09,721 --> 00:07:10,764
Why not?
141
00:07:10,848 --> 00:07:12,975
I was a teenager when I had her.
142
00:07:14,476 --> 00:07:16,478
I didn't know what to do with a baby.
143
00:07:17,896 --> 00:07:21,191
And when we started working at
Paper Magazine, you remember?
144
00:07:21,275 --> 00:07:22,985
We practically lived at night.
145
00:07:23,527 --> 00:07:25,571
You remember New York in the '80s?
146
00:07:25,654 --> 00:07:26,697
Yeah.
147
00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:28,866
Anything important happened at night.
148
00:07:32,578 --> 00:07:36,039
And then I went to work
as a war correspondent,
149
00:07:36,123 --> 00:07:37,374
traveling constantly.
150
00:07:37,916 --> 00:07:39,293
And that didn't help.
151
00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:42,796
My work just completely took over.
152
00:07:46,425 --> 00:07:49,928
I was never what a mother
is supposed to be.
153
00:07:52,222 --> 00:07:55,726
But Michelle started to hate me
154
00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:57,603
long before I was away so much.
155
00:07:59,938 --> 00:08:03,275
I remember feeling her resentment
even when she was a little girl.
156
00:08:06,653 --> 00:08:08,614
She made herself very clear.
157
00:08:13,410 --> 00:08:17,873
She couldn't bear... not having a father.
158
00:08:19,708 --> 00:08:24,796
She saw other girls with their fathers
and she wanted to know about hers.
159
00:08:27,758 --> 00:08:30,510
At first, I told her
I didn't know who he was, but...
160
00:08:33,055 --> 00:08:34,514
It kind of made things worse.
161
00:08:37,017 --> 00:08:38,060
I was lying to her.
162
00:08:39,394 --> 00:08:41,563
Of course I knew
who her father was.
163
00:08:42,481 --> 00:08:43,941
His name was Fred.
164
00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:52,741
We dated for a few months
before he was drafted.
165
00:08:53,742 --> 00:08:57,120
And then went away to fight,
towards the end of Vietnam.
166
00:08:58,789 --> 00:09:02,584
When he came back,
a year later, he was
167
00:09:02,668 --> 00:09:04,127
somebody different.
168
00:09:04,211 --> 00:09:06,546
Fred! What happened?
169
00:09:06,630 --> 00:09:08,423
He was a broken toy.
170
00:09:10,092 --> 00:09:12,469
Hey. Hey, it's okay.
171
00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:15,764
I'm here. It's all over now, Fred.
You're back home.
172
00:09:15,847 --> 00:09:17,224
But it's not over for me.
173
00:09:20,102 --> 00:09:22,145
I still got the war inside my head.
174
00:09:24,481 --> 00:09:25,816
I can't get free of it.
175
00:09:28,110 --> 00:09:30,195
I hallucinate every single day.
176
00:09:33,156 --> 00:09:35,742
And I was high practically all the time.
177
00:09:40,330 --> 00:09:42,207
I don't know what I'm doing with my life,
178
00:09:43,667 --> 00:09:45,168
but I'm not staying here.
179
00:09:49,881 --> 00:09:50,924
It's all right.
180
00:09:52,467 --> 00:09:54,052
Feel free to do what you like.
181
00:09:55,137 --> 00:09:57,055
Think about what's best for you.
182
00:10:01,351 --> 00:10:02,352
Okay.
183
00:10:04,521 --> 00:10:05,605
Thanks.
184
00:10:11,111 --> 00:10:12,112
Can I kiss you?
185
00:10:41,475 --> 00:10:43,393
- Does Michelle know this?
- Oh.
186
00:10:45,479 --> 00:10:48,899
She started asking about her father
as soon as she could talk.
187
00:10:52,736 --> 00:10:56,156
But it's not something
you can explain to a child, right?
188
00:10:57,824 --> 00:11:00,827
By puberty, she carved out
quite an abyss between us.
189
00:11:01,370 --> 00:11:03,330
It came to define her adolescence.
190
00:11:05,415 --> 00:11:07,167
But, by then, I was no longer there.
191
00:11:08,543 --> 00:11:11,880
I was in New York, with you,
living my life.
192
00:11:14,383 --> 00:11:18,136
I arranged to meet Fred one evening
to tell him about the situation.
193
00:11:18,678 --> 00:11:20,972
So, I took a first aid course
194
00:11:21,723 --> 00:11:24,518
and, because I'm a war veteran,
they've hired me at a hospital,
195
00:11:24,601 --> 00:11:25,644
down in San Diego.
196
00:11:28,021 --> 00:11:29,564
It's good news, right?
197
00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:32,859
I have some news for you too.
198
00:11:34,736 --> 00:11:35,737
I'm pregnant.
199
00:11:37,614 --> 00:11:40,450
- You're pregnant?
- Yes.
200
00:11:42,661 --> 00:11:45,038
But I was planning on moving
to San Diego next week.
201
00:11:47,416 --> 00:11:48,667
Then what are we gonna do?
202
00:11:48,750 --> 00:11:51,837
Whatever I do, my parents
will support me, so...
203
00:11:52,546 --> 00:11:53,547
I'm not alone.
204
00:11:55,799 --> 00:11:56,800
Mm.
205
00:11:59,136 --> 00:12:00,804
I don't think working in a hospital
206
00:12:00,887 --> 00:12:03,140
was the best thing
for such a damaged person.
207
00:12:03,890 --> 00:12:05,267
It's the closest thing to war.
208
00:12:06,435 --> 00:12:07,978
He needed therapy and rehab.
209
00:12:08,562 --> 00:12:10,730
Yeah, that would have been
more sensible,
210
00:12:12,190 --> 00:12:13,859
but he wanted to be useful,
211
00:12:15,277 --> 00:12:16,611
to ease his conscience.
212
00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:21,533
He believed that helping people
between life and death
213
00:12:21,616 --> 00:12:25,537
was his best chance
of getting back any peace.
214
00:12:27,247 --> 00:12:29,958
I could only free him of any responsibility.
215
00:12:31,126 --> 00:12:33,253
He left before Michelle was born.
216
00:12:33,962 --> 00:12:35,005
He never knew her.
217
00:12:38,133 --> 00:12:41,595
He didn't call once to ask about her.
218
00:12:43,430 --> 00:12:44,723
When did you tell her?
219
00:12:45,348 --> 00:12:47,017
She was about 12.
220
00:12:48,685 --> 00:12:51,354
She wanted to know
where he was living,
221
00:12:52,230 --> 00:12:53,732
and I didn't know anymore.
222
00:12:55,275 --> 00:12:56,902
She was so insistent
223
00:12:57,861 --> 00:13:01,573
that I tracked down an old friend of his
from high school,
224
00:13:03,116 --> 00:13:07,746
who told me that Fred
had gotten married
225
00:13:07,829 --> 00:13:09,706
and had recently died.
226
00:13:11,416 --> 00:13:14,794
I asked him for his wife's number,
227
00:13:15,879 --> 00:13:17,297
and then I called her.
228
00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:19,883
I wanted to know what had happened.
229
00:13:21,635 --> 00:13:26,097
She told me they were
coming home after a trip.
230
00:13:29,184 --> 00:13:30,352
Is that smoke?
231
00:13:31,645 --> 00:13:32,646
Yes.
232
00:13:33,813 --> 00:13:35,398
Something's on fire.
233
00:13:36,107 --> 00:13:37,192
There's a house on fire.
234
00:13:40,070 --> 00:13:41,696
We should call the fire department.
235
00:13:48,703 --> 00:13:50,705
- Stop the car.
- Fred...
236
00:13:57,546 --> 00:13:59,047
What are you doing?
237
00:13:59,130 --> 00:14:00,757
- I'm gonna take a look.
- No!
238
00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:02,842
That's crazy! Fred!
239
00:14:02,926 --> 00:14:05,345
- There might be someone inside.
- Fred, stop! Stop!
240
00:14:05,428 --> 00:14:08,765
Don't go in. It's dangerous!
Look at me, I'm here.
241
00:14:08,848 --> 00:14:11,685
Let's find a gas station
and call the fire department, please.
242
00:14:11,768 --> 00:14:12,852
Don't you hear the screams?
243
00:14:13,353 --> 00:14:15,146
No, I don't hear anything.
244
00:14:17,274 --> 00:14:19,943
Fred, please! Fred! Fred!
245
00:14:21,069 --> 00:14:22,445
Fred, don't go in there!
246
00:14:25,448 --> 00:14:26,908
Don't you hear the screams?
247
00:14:26,992 --> 00:14:28,910
There's someone inside crying for help!
248
00:14:30,996 --> 00:14:32,038
Fred!
249
00:14:43,883 --> 00:14:46,094
Sir! Sir!
250
00:14:46,177 --> 00:14:48,138
Please, help me!
251
00:14:48,221 --> 00:14:50,515
- Sir! Sir, please!
- Let's go!
252
00:14:50,599 --> 00:14:52,809
- Please, my husband's inside!
- Ladder up!
253
00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:54,477
Sir! My husband's inside!
254
00:14:54,561 --> 00:14:55,854
My husband's inside!
255
00:14:55,937 --> 00:14:57,373
He thought he heard
voices crying for help.
256
00:14:57,397 --> 00:14:58,833
Put two lines on the back side, guys!
257
00:14:58,857 --> 00:15:01,776
He went into the house trying to save
whoever was trapped by the fire.
258
00:15:01,860 --> 00:15:03,379
Okay, get back in your car.
Do not go over there.
259
00:15:03,403 --> 00:15:04,404
I will stay here. Okay.
260
00:15:04,487 --> 00:15:05,673
Please, ma'am. Is there someone else?
261
00:15:05,697 --> 00:15:07,497
- No, I don't know!
- Ladder up, guys! Ladder!
262
00:15:07,574 --> 00:15:08,614
There's a civilian inside!
263
00:15:08,658 --> 00:15:10,098
Get back in your car, ma'am, please.
264
00:15:11,870 --> 00:15:14,070
All right, get in there!
Get in that top window.
265
00:15:15,498 --> 00:15:18,293
There you go. It's gonna blow out.
266
00:15:20,879 --> 00:15:21,921
Good boys.
267
00:15:31,640 --> 00:15:33,280
I'm sorry, there was nothing we could do.
268
00:15:36,269 --> 00:15:38,104
He didn't get to the second floor.
269
00:15:39,272 --> 00:15:41,566
He must have passed out
from the smoke and the flames.
270
00:15:41,650 --> 00:15:42,901
And the other bodies?
271
00:15:42,984 --> 00:15:44,152
There was nobody else.
272
00:15:44,235 --> 00:15:46,488
This house has been abandoned
for a long time.
273
00:15:46,571 --> 00:15:47,691
There was only your husband.
274
00:15:47,739 --> 00:15:48,948
But he
275
00:15:50,283 --> 00:15:52,494
he told me he heard screams for help...
276
00:15:52,577 --> 00:15:53,912
Impossible, ma'am.
277
00:15:55,288 --> 00:15:56,331
There was no one else.
278
00:15:57,374 --> 00:15:58,416
It's true.
279
00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:02,712
I didn't hear the screams either.
280
00:16:04,422 --> 00:16:07,342
I tried to stop him from going in, but...
281
00:16:08,677 --> 00:16:09,719
I didn't.
282
00:16:09,803 --> 00:16:11,012
He was very brave.
283
00:16:11,930 --> 00:16:13,682
Did you tell Michelle all of this?
284
00:16:13,765 --> 00:16:15,642
I had to give her every detail.
285
00:16:16,601 --> 00:16:19,521
I even gave her her father's
wife's phone number.
286
00:16:19,604 --> 00:16:20,939
You know what?
287
00:16:21,022 --> 00:16:22,857
Let's get you back to bed. You're tired.
288
00:16:22,941 --> 00:16:24,317
Yeah, but I have to tell you this.
289
00:16:24,401 --> 00:16:26,569
We can... We can talk more later.
290
00:16:27,612 --> 00:16:29,572
So, one day...
291
00:16:32,033 --> 00:16:34,786
- I got a call from Fred's wife.
- Okay.
292
00:16:34,869 --> 00:16:36,538
And she told me
293
00:16:36,621 --> 00:16:38,790
- that she wanted an address.
- Mm-hm.
294
00:16:38,873 --> 00:16:40,458
She wanted to send me something.
295
00:16:40,542 --> 00:16:41,793
Mm-hm.
296
00:16:41,876 --> 00:16:43,336
And, shortly after,
297
00:16:44,295 --> 00:16:47,382
I received a note in the mail and a letter
298
00:16:49,050 --> 00:16:51,177
that the wife received from Michelle,
299
00:16:52,429 --> 00:16:53,763
introducing herself
300
00:16:54,347 --> 00:16:56,224
and saying that it was her,
301
00:16:57,016 --> 00:16:58,101
Fred's daughter,
302
00:16:58,727 --> 00:17:01,020
who had been in the burning house.
303
00:17:02,313 --> 00:17:04,733
"It was me he tried to save."
304
00:17:05,608 --> 00:17:09,112
"It was me for whom he died..."
305
00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:12,574
That's what Michelle said to the wife.
306
00:17:12,657 --> 00:17:14,075
That's insane!
307
00:17:14,159 --> 00:17:15,160
Yes.
308
00:17:23,126 --> 00:17:24,502
Hi!
309
00:17:24,586 --> 00:17:26,355
It's Martha, the nuisance.
310
00:17:26,379 --> 00:17:28,256
You're not a nuisance.
311
00:17:28,339 --> 00:17:29,799
How're you feeling?
312
00:17:29,883 --> 00:17:31,468
Fine. I'm at home.
313
00:17:31,551 --> 00:17:35,680
The hospital's given me a few days off
between treatments, so I'm at home.
314
00:17:35,764 --> 00:17:37,265
I'd love for you to come over.
315
00:17:37,807 --> 00:17:40,643
Ooh, you've caught me
in the middle of moving.
316
00:17:40,727 --> 00:17:42,771
Oh, then you're really busy, right?
317
00:17:43,521 --> 00:17:46,524
Um, well, you know what moving's like.
318
00:17:46,608 --> 00:17:50,779
But, um, if you're feeling lonely,
I could stop by,
319
00:17:50,862 --> 00:17:52,447
we could take a walk in the park.
320
00:17:52,530 --> 00:17:54,449
I might not be quite up for a walk.
321
00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:58,161
Um, okay, you know what? Let me, um...
322
00:17:58,244 --> 00:18:01,831
Let me finish what I'm doing
and I'll be right over.
323
00:18:01,915 --> 00:18:05,126
Thanks, sweetheart,
but don't feel obliged.
324
00:18:29,567 --> 00:18:31,653
- These are for you.
- You are a darling.
325
00:18:32,946 --> 00:18:36,241
- And I've brought you a couple of books.
- Oh! Thank you.
326
00:18:36,324 --> 00:18:37,534
You want something to drink?
327
00:18:37,617 --> 00:18:39,786
Oh. I'd love some tea.
328
00:18:39,869 --> 00:18:42,080
- Herbal tea if you have it.
- Sure.
329
00:18:42,163 --> 00:18:44,165
- I'll put these in a vase.
- Okay.
330
00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:47,961
And all of this is for you.
331
00:18:48,044 --> 00:18:49,504
You have to finish all of it.
332
00:18:49,587 --> 00:18:51,840
Wow! Well, I will do my best.
333
00:18:51,923 --> 00:18:53,466
I love fruit.
334
00:18:57,554 --> 00:18:59,097
Are you working on something new?
335
00:18:59,180 --> 00:19:01,057
Um, yeah, actually I am.
336
00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:04,185
I'm doing research
on the painter Dora Carrington
337
00:19:04,269 --> 00:19:06,187
and her, um... Mm
338
00:19:06,813 --> 00:19:09,524
intense relationship with
the writer Lytton Strachey.
339
00:19:09,607 --> 00:19:11,192
- Mm-hm.
- Here he is.
340
00:19:11,734 --> 00:19:13,194
Uh, Strachey was gay,
341
00:19:13,278 --> 00:19:17,574
so she married the straight man
that he was infatuated with.
342
00:19:18,658 --> 00:19:20,451
It's gonna be the story of the trio.
343
00:19:20,535 --> 00:19:23,788
It isn't groundbreaking,
but I want to see where it takes me.
344
00:19:23,872 --> 00:19:25,415
Here, um, look.
345
00:19:25,498 --> 00:19:26,791
Um, unfortunately for her,
346
00:19:26,875 --> 00:19:29,377
there was another
more famous painter...
347
00:19:29,460 --> 00:19:30,879
- Leonora Carrington. Yeah.
- Yes,
348
00:19:30,962 --> 00:19:32,630
the surrealist Leonora Carrington,
349
00:19:32,714 --> 00:19:34,716
whose name was obviously
very similar to hers.
350
00:19:35,925 --> 00:19:37,010
Um...
351
00:19:37,719 --> 00:19:38,803
Dora
352
00:19:39,762 --> 00:19:41,723
was better known for this
353
00:19:41,806 --> 00:19:44,100
bizarre love story with Strachey.
354
00:19:46,394 --> 00:19:49,314
She devoted 17 years of her life to him.
355
00:19:49,397 --> 00:19:50,523
- Wow.
- Mm.
356
00:19:50,607 --> 00:19:52,400
It'll be a fictionalized biography, so...
357
00:19:53,234 --> 00:19:54,944
I'll make some stuff up, too.
358
00:19:56,279 --> 00:19:59,532
I've never been able to allow myself that.
359
00:20:00,283 --> 00:20:03,161
Mm. Well, I hope not.
360
00:20:03,244 --> 00:20:04,454
You're a war reporter.
361
00:20:05,121 --> 00:20:06,706
Yeah, you have to...
362
00:20:07,248 --> 00:20:08,808
You know, you can't show your emotions.
363
00:20:08,875 --> 00:20:12,795
You have to block them out
so you can do your job
364
00:20:12,879 --> 00:20:15,506
and stay in the present
in the middle of whatever hell.
365
00:20:15,590 --> 00:20:18,051
Maybe I should write about you
and not Carrington.
366
00:20:18,134 --> 00:20:21,387
I don't think you'd enjoy
writing about illnesses and treatments.
367
00:20:21,471 --> 00:20:23,806
- Mm. You're wrong.
- I'm just a journalist,
368
00:20:24,390 --> 00:20:26,434
addicted to wars and adrenaline.
369
00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:28,311
You think that's nothing?
370
00:20:30,647 --> 00:20:32,273
It wasn't all tragedy.
371
00:20:32,357 --> 00:20:33,733
You know, life went on.
372
00:20:35,818 --> 00:20:39,155
There was one report
when I added a bit of fiction.
373
00:20:39,739 --> 00:20:43,034
- Really?
- Actually, I never published it.
374
00:20:45,036 --> 00:20:46,996
It was during the war in Iraq.
375
00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:50,458
On the last day, before we left Baghdad.
376
00:20:50,541 --> 00:20:52,210
Are you sure this is the right way?
377
00:20:52,293 --> 00:20:55,088
Yeah, just make a left here in this alley.
378
00:20:56,422 --> 00:20:57,674
Let's make this brief.
379
00:21:01,177 --> 00:21:02,261
Here. Stop here.
380
00:21:12,522 --> 00:21:15,191
Martin, what are you doing
here in Baghdad?
381
00:21:17,402 --> 00:21:18,861
You look great. You really do.
382
00:21:18,945 --> 00:21:19,946
Thank you.
383
00:21:20,029 --> 00:21:21,948
Yeah, I'm sorry. Paco, Martin.
384
00:21:22,031 --> 00:21:23,366
He's a Carmelite, like me.
385
00:21:23,449 --> 00:21:25,368
Pleasure. Let me introduce you
to Martha.
386
00:21:25,451 --> 00:21:27,745
She is a brilliant journalist
from The New York Times.
387
00:21:29,205 --> 00:21:31,016
They are the Carmelites
I was telling you about.
388
00:21:31,040 --> 00:21:32,360
It's a pleasure to meet you both.
389
00:21:32,834 --> 00:21:34,460
Are you intending to stay in Baghdad?
390
00:21:35,003 --> 00:21:36,295
Yes, here we are.
391
00:21:36,379 --> 00:21:37,380
But you're alone.
392
00:21:38,047 --> 00:21:40,341
All the NGOs and the Red Cross
have left already.
393
00:21:40,967 --> 00:21:42,260
I know.
394
00:21:42,343 --> 00:21:45,555
The situation is out of control.
It's very dangerous.
395
00:21:45,638 --> 00:21:46,639
You're here as well.
396
00:21:46,723 --> 00:21:47,992
Yeah, but we're just passing through.
397
00:21:48,016 --> 00:21:50,560
We're leaving as soon as
we finish talking to you.
398
00:21:50,643 --> 00:21:52,395
We can't let them down now,
399
00:21:52,478 --> 00:21:53,958
this is when the people need us most.
400
00:21:54,022 --> 00:21:57,817
That's true, but it's still
extremely dangerous.
401
00:21:59,485 --> 00:22:00,528
But then you know that.
402
00:22:01,279 --> 00:22:03,406
We can't let them down now, señora.
403
00:22:04,824 --> 00:22:06,409
Do you mind if we take a photo of you
404
00:22:06,492 --> 00:22:08,327
and how the mission has been left?
405
00:22:09,787 --> 00:22:11,080
Okay.
406
00:22:11,164 --> 00:22:13,416
You can photograph the mission and me,
407
00:22:13,499 --> 00:22:16,836
but he doesn't want to risk
his family in Spain seeing him.
408
00:22:16,919 --> 00:22:18,230
- They'd worry.
- Yeah, of course.
409
00:22:18,254 --> 00:22:20,941
Totally understand, but if we could
get one of you, that would be great.
410
00:22:20,965 --> 00:22:22,383
- Okay.
- Sure.
411
00:22:23,593 --> 00:22:24,953
- Here?
- Yeah.
412
00:22:25,470 --> 00:22:28,514
Just perhaps a little tiny step closer...
413
00:22:28,598 --> 00:22:30,409
Yeah, that's fine,
so that I can see the impacts.
414
00:22:36,230 --> 00:22:37,273
I think you have it.
415
00:22:39,859 --> 00:22:40,902
How long has it been
416
00:22:41,861 --> 00:22:43,196
since we last saw each other?
417
00:22:43,279 --> 00:22:44,322
Five years.
418
00:22:44,947 --> 00:22:46,199
Five years.
419
00:22:47,325 --> 00:22:48,367
Wow.
420
00:22:49,744 --> 00:22:50,828
Do you remember Liberia?
421
00:22:51,746 --> 00:22:52,872
How could I forget?
422
00:22:54,999 --> 00:22:57,418
Look, I have some photos of you
that we didn't publish.
423
00:22:58,836 --> 00:23:00,797
If you give me an address,
I can send them to you.
424
00:23:00,880 --> 00:23:01,881
Maybe to the Embassy.
425
00:23:01,964 --> 00:23:03,049
No, you keep them.
426
00:23:03,800 --> 00:23:05,551
That way I'll keep you company.
427
00:23:06,677 --> 00:23:07,677
Okay.
428
00:23:10,098 --> 00:23:11,474
It was really great seeing you.
429
00:23:12,350 --> 00:23:13,184
Take care.
430
00:23:13,267 --> 00:23:14,685
- Goodbye.
- Be safe.
431
00:23:19,482 --> 00:23:20,817
How do you know the Carmelite?
432
00:23:24,070 --> 00:23:25,113
We met in Sierra Leone.
433
00:23:27,406 --> 00:23:28,616
We became lovers there.
434
00:23:29,367 --> 00:23:30,993
- Oh, really?
- Yeah.
435
00:23:32,286 --> 00:23:33,830
After that, we met more times.
436
00:23:34,455 --> 00:23:36,833
Always in places that were at war.
437
00:23:36,916 --> 00:23:38,167
And you had sex?
438
00:23:38,251 --> 00:23:40,670
Well, of course, yeah.
439
00:23:40,753 --> 00:23:42,839
Bernardo never renounced
physical pleasure.
440
00:23:44,340 --> 00:23:46,551
He was always in
the most conflictive places.
441
00:23:47,218 --> 00:23:49,470
And I think that sex was his best shield.
442
00:23:51,931 --> 00:23:54,308
I'm pretty sure
the Carmelite is his partner.
443
00:23:54,392 --> 00:23:55,518
You think so?
444
00:23:55,601 --> 00:23:56,644
Definitely.
445
00:23:57,854 --> 00:23:59,456
That is the only way
you can stay in Baghdad
446
00:23:59,480 --> 00:24:00,640
and not be afraid of the war.
447
00:24:01,858 --> 00:24:04,068
- What a wonderful story.
- Yup.
448
00:24:06,112 --> 00:24:07,113
Don't you dare write it.
449
00:24:07,196 --> 00:24:09,240
No, no, no, of course not.
450
00:24:12,118 --> 00:24:14,287
But how about sin for him?
451
00:24:15,121 --> 00:24:16,361
I mean, don't they feel guilty?
452
00:24:16,414 --> 00:24:17,748
After all, they are Catholic.
453
00:24:18,291 --> 00:24:20,251
Yeah, I don't know.
He never talked about that.
454
00:24:22,420 --> 00:24:24,130
With all the horrors you see in war,
455
00:24:25,131 --> 00:24:27,842
feeling guilty about having sex
doesn't really carry much weight,
456
00:24:29,218 --> 00:24:30,261
you simply get used to it.
457
00:24:31,429 --> 00:24:32,513
I know that.
458
00:24:35,933 --> 00:24:37,602
I wrote their story,
459
00:24:37,685 --> 00:24:40,021
their love story, as I imagined it,
460
00:24:41,272 --> 00:24:42,857
but it stayed in my computer.
461
00:24:45,067 --> 00:24:49,363
So, you're gonna write about
Dora Carrington's insane love.
462
00:24:49,447 --> 00:24:52,074
Mm-hm.
And her connection to Virginia Woolf,
463
00:24:52,158 --> 00:24:55,369
who Strachey also pursued romantically.
464
00:24:55,453 --> 00:24:56,871
What a group!
465
00:24:56,954 --> 00:24:58,915
I so admire their freedom.
466
00:24:59,457 --> 00:25:01,125
Strachey died of stomach cancer
467
00:25:01,209 --> 00:25:03,419
18 years after meeting Dora
468
00:25:03,502 --> 00:25:06,297
and Dora survived him
by barely two months
469
00:25:06,380 --> 00:25:08,591
before she shot herself in the stomach.
470
00:25:08,674 --> 00:25:10,092
She was only 38.
471
00:25:11,344 --> 00:25:13,930
I'm struck by the symmetry
of that kind of gesture,
472
00:25:14,472 --> 00:25:15,640
his stomach cancer
473
00:25:15,723 --> 00:25:17,850
and her shooting herself in the stomach.
474
00:25:17,934 --> 00:25:19,602
I know, it struck me, too.
475
00:25:20,353 --> 00:25:23,940
I wonder what Virginia Woolf
thought of Carrington's death?
476
00:25:24,732 --> 00:25:26,609
Maybe Virginia saw
477
00:25:27,318 --> 00:25:28,486
a kind of warning,
478
00:25:28,569 --> 00:25:31,155
a mirror that reflected her?
479
00:25:31,239 --> 00:25:32,239
As if they were fated?
480
00:25:35,034 --> 00:25:36,994
Do you think I'm fated, too?
481
00:25:37,078 --> 00:25:39,830
No! Of course not.
482
00:25:39,914 --> 00:25:42,416
I've never known anyone
more alive than you.
483
00:25:42,500 --> 00:25:45,086
This week I'm starting
a new experimental
484
00:25:45,169 --> 00:25:47,380
- immunotherapy treatment.
- Uh-huh.
485
00:25:47,463 --> 00:25:48,506
They've already tried it
486
00:25:48,589 --> 00:25:51,300
and it seems to work well
with cases of cervical cancer.
487
00:25:51,384 --> 00:25:53,219
- Well, that's great news!
- Yeah.
488
00:25:54,178 --> 00:25:55,530
Let me know
when I can come and visit you,
489
00:25:55,554 --> 00:25:56,722
- okay?
- I will.
490
00:25:59,058 --> 00:26:01,477
- Talking of symmetry...
- Mm-hmm?
491
00:26:01,560 --> 00:26:02,603
Do you remember...
492
00:26:03,646 --> 00:26:04,855
Damian Cunningham?
493
00:26:05,898 --> 00:26:07,733
How can I forget?
494
00:26:07,817 --> 00:26:10,361
I inherited him from you.
495
00:26:10,444 --> 00:26:12,154
The shared lover.
496
00:26:12,238 --> 00:26:13,698
- Well, I...
- I have to say
497
00:26:13,781 --> 00:26:15,491
I felt terrible when you got together
498
00:26:15,574 --> 00:26:16,867
after I'd been with him.
499
00:26:16,951 --> 00:26:19,346
Okay, we didn't share him exactly
because you'd already broken up
500
00:26:19,370 --> 00:26:20,430
and you were out of the country.
501
00:26:20,454 --> 00:26:21,956
I would never go back with him
502
00:26:22,039 --> 00:26:24,542
and, to tell the truth, I was never faithful.
503
00:26:25,459 --> 00:26:30,256
But he was a passionate
and enthusiastic lover
504
00:26:30,339 --> 00:26:32,383
and I hope he was for you, too.
505
00:26:32,466 --> 00:26:33,551
I had no complaints.
506
00:26:49,275 --> 00:26:50,276
Hi.
507
00:26:52,945 --> 00:26:53,946
What is it?
508
00:26:55,990 --> 00:26:56,991
It hasn't worked.
509
00:26:58,242 --> 00:27:00,286
I've got metastases in my liver
510
00:27:00,369 --> 00:27:02,246
- and in my bones.
- Oh, Martha.
511
00:27:02,330 --> 00:27:04,248
I should have followed my first instinct.
512
00:27:04,332 --> 00:27:06,917
Should never have put myself
through this torture.
513
00:27:07,001 --> 00:27:09,462
This diarrhea, vomiting, fatigue
514
00:27:09,545 --> 00:27:11,005
to end up like this.
515
00:27:11,797 --> 00:27:13,924
I should never have given in
to false hopes.
516
00:27:14,008 --> 00:27:15,259
Okay. Okay.
517
00:27:15,343 --> 00:27:17,261
All right, what does the doctor say?
518
00:27:17,345 --> 00:27:18,554
Tell me.
519
00:27:18,637 --> 00:27:20,556
Oh, that I could live for months,
520
00:27:21,182 --> 00:27:22,183
maybe a year.
521
00:27:23,184 --> 00:27:25,311
He wants me to continue
with the treatment,
522
00:27:25,394 --> 00:27:26,896
even though it looks hopeless.
523
00:27:26,979 --> 00:27:28,397
Maybe it will work this time.
524
00:27:28,481 --> 00:27:30,483
I don't wanna wallow in self-pity.
525
00:27:36,572 --> 00:27:39,325
But I'm not a stoic. I'm sorry.
526
00:27:39,408 --> 00:27:42,078
I don't wanna go through
excruciating pain.
527
00:27:43,621 --> 00:27:46,082
You can't be self-possessed
if you're in agony.
528
00:27:46,999 --> 00:27:48,376
You can't think straight.
529
00:27:49,126 --> 00:27:50,836
You can only think of one thing
530
00:27:50,920 --> 00:27:52,296
the fucking cancer.
531
00:27:55,174 --> 00:27:56,759
I've always taken care of my health,
532
00:27:57,760 --> 00:27:59,011
now I regret it.
533
00:27:59,762 --> 00:28:01,430
The doctor says I have a strong heart.
534
00:28:01,514 --> 00:28:02,723
What does that mean?
535
00:28:02,807 --> 00:28:04,600
My body is just gonna go on fighting
536
00:28:05,142 --> 00:28:08,104
while I suffer and suffer
until my last breath?
537
00:28:09,313 --> 00:28:10,398
I don't know.
538
00:28:12,358 --> 00:28:13,901
I don't know how to help you.
539
00:28:15,319 --> 00:28:16,404
I'm so sorry.
540
00:28:21,158 --> 00:28:23,619
I think I deserve a good death.
541
00:28:26,247 --> 00:28:29,083
At least one without convulsions
in my last moments.
542
00:28:29,917 --> 00:28:31,836
Going out with a little bit of dignity,
543
00:28:31,919 --> 00:28:33,504
clean and dry.
544
00:28:36,257 --> 00:28:38,592
But I know I'm asking too much...
545
00:28:38,676 --> 00:28:40,028
What are you doing up, Martha?
546
00:28:40,052 --> 00:28:41,720
I'm fucking over this.
547
00:28:42,471 --> 00:28:44,348
- Can you help her, please?
- Of course.
548
00:28:44,432 --> 00:28:45,683
Let's get you back in bed.
549
00:28:45,766 --> 00:28:47,768
Come on. Let me help you.
550
00:28:49,145 --> 00:28:50,187
Bring it on.
551
00:28:50,771 --> 00:28:51,814
Here we go.
552
00:28:54,733 --> 00:28:56,735
I'll end up turning into a junkie.
553
00:28:58,112 --> 00:29:00,072
I am one already, I guess.
554
00:29:00,156 --> 00:29:02,908
It's okay. Really.
555
00:29:02,992 --> 00:29:04,994
Here, this will help.
556
00:29:43,324 --> 00:29:44,366
Are you still here?
557
00:29:45,868 --> 00:29:46,869
Yes.
558
00:29:50,331 --> 00:29:52,249
Should I ask them to bring your dinner?
559
00:29:53,667 --> 00:29:54,668
Are you hungry?
560
00:29:55,419 --> 00:29:56,420
No.
561
00:29:59,507 --> 00:30:00,508
Ingrid...
562
00:30:02,927 --> 00:30:05,054
Do you think I need to say goodbye
563
00:30:05,137 --> 00:30:06,514
to my closest friends?
564
00:30:07,139 --> 00:30:09,391
I think you should do
whatever you wanna do.
565
00:30:10,518 --> 00:30:13,020
I just want peace and quiet.
566
00:30:14,855 --> 00:30:18,108
Have you thought about
how you wanna spend your time?
567
00:30:20,152 --> 00:30:21,153
And where?
568
00:30:21,987 --> 00:30:23,656
Is there some place you'd like to go?
569
00:30:24,865 --> 00:30:25,866
Look.
570
00:30:31,413 --> 00:30:32,998
Pink snowflakes.
571
00:30:35,459 --> 00:30:38,587
There had to be something good
about climate change.
572
00:30:40,798 --> 00:30:41,840
Well...
573
00:30:43,467 --> 00:30:45,094
I've lived to see that.
574
00:30:50,140 --> 00:30:53,102
You remember the end
of Joyce's The Dead?
575
00:30:53,185 --> 00:30:54,895
Vaguely.
576
00:30:56,355 --> 00:30:58,107
"The snow was falling,"
577
00:30:59,817 --> 00:31:02,278
falling on the lonely churchyard,
578
00:31:03,487 --> 00:31:06,448
falling faintly through the universe.
579
00:31:08,701 --> 00:31:10,661
And faintly falling,
580
00:31:11,412 --> 00:31:14,540
like the descent of their last end,
581
00:31:16,667 --> 00:31:21,422
"on all the living and the dead."
582
00:31:25,926 --> 00:31:27,469
It's getting late and, uh...
583
00:31:28,762 --> 00:31:29,763
I should be going.
584
00:31:37,813 --> 00:31:38,814
Thank you.
585
00:31:40,399 --> 00:31:41,942
I'll see you tomorrow.
586
00:32:29,031 --> 00:32:31,742
There's still a half an hour
before the movie starts.
587
00:32:31,825 --> 00:32:33,994
Should we go in and get
our seats before the rush?
588
00:32:34,078 --> 00:32:36,121
No. I wanna talk to you about something.
589
00:32:36,872 --> 00:32:37,790
Okay.
590
00:32:37,873 --> 00:32:40,209
I will not go out in mortifying anguish.
591
00:32:40,959 --> 00:32:42,711
I've gotten hold of a euthanasia pill.
592
00:32:43,545 --> 00:32:44,672
Don't ask me how,
593
00:32:44,755 --> 00:32:47,049
on the dark web
you can find almost anything.
594
00:32:47,675 --> 00:32:51,136
I also have an abundance of opioids
for the moments of pain.
595
00:32:51,220 --> 00:32:52,447
And don't look at me like that,
596
00:32:52,471 --> 00:32:54,807
I'm not asking you
to convince me otherwise.
597
00:32:55,724 --> 00:32:57,059
I don't know what to say.
598
00:32:57,851 --> 00:32:59,186
I'm hoping you'll say yes.
599
00:33:00,229 --> 00:33:01,230
Yes to what?
600
00:33:01,855 --> 00:33:03,565
To my asking you to help me.
601
00:33:04,274 --> 00:33:05,651
Help you what?
602
00:33:06,944 --> 00:33:11,031
I've faced death several times,
but I've always been accompanied.
603
00:33:11,907 --> 00:33:15,244
We reporters formed
a kind of mobile family.
604
00:33:17,162 --> 00:33:18,747
This is another war,
605
00:33:19,790 --> 00:33:21,083
I'm not afraid of it.
606
00:33:21,625 --> 00:33:22,835
But
607
00:33:22,918 --> 00:33:25,003
like the other times I faced death...
608
00:33:26,922 --> 00:33:28,924
I don't wanna be alone, Ingrid.
609
00:33:31,427 --> 00:33:32,803
I'm asking you
610
00:33:33,721 --> 00:33:35,764
to be in the next room.
611
00:33:37,182 --> 00:33:38,851
I think we should go get our seats.
612
00:33:38,934 --> 00:33:41,687
Yeah, sure,
but I prefer to go on talking to you,
613
00:33:41,770 --> 00:33:42,938
if you don't mind.
614
00:33:45,524 --> 00:33:46,984
Okay. Um...
615
00:33:49,027 --> 00:33:50,529
Do you know when you wanna do this?
616
00:33:51,488 --> 00:33:52,489
Not exactly.
617
00:33:53,532 --> 00:33:54,533
Within a month?
618
00:33:56,618 --> 00:33:59,663
Before I start to deteriorate
and you don't recognize me.
619
00:34:00,748 --> 00:34:03,917
These next weeks
I should be reasonably well,
620
00:34:04,710 --> 00:34:06,420
but I wanna do it soon.
621
00:34:06,503 --> 00:34:10,090
My doctors think that I'm gonna return
to complete the treatment.
622
00:34:10,841 --> 00:34:13,218
It's best they don't suspect anything.
623
00:34:14,136 --> 00:34:15,971
Where do you wanna do it?
624
00:34:16,054 --> 00:34:17,347
I don't wanna be at home.
625
00:34:19,808 --> 00:34:22,770
And I don't wanna go back
to anywhere I've been happy.
626
00:34:25,230 --> 00:34:29,067
It's always a mistake to return
to some place you've been truly happy.
627
00:34:29,151 --> 00:34:31,612
You just ruin the good memories
of the first time.
628
00:34:31,695 --> 00:34:33,363
No, I understand that.
629
00:34:33,447 --> 00:34:36,658
I think it will be easier
for me to let myself go
630
00:34:36,742 --> 00:34:40,871
if I'm not surrounded by familiar things,
631
00:34:40,954 --> 00:34:42,122
intimate things.
632
00:34:42,915 --> 00:34:44,958
I think that would hold me back.
633
00:34:47,503 --> 00:34:50,506
I prefer some unknown place,
634
00:34:51,548 --> 00:34:53,342
comfortable and safe,
635
00:34:54,384 --> 00:34:56,011
and not too far away.
636
00:34:56,887 --> 00:34:59,056
Do you need my help finding a place
637
00:34:59,139 --> 00:35:01,350
or getting you settled in?
638
00:35:01,433 --> 00:35:02,893
No, no, no.
639
00:35:03,644 --> 00:35:05,145
No, I can take care of that part.
640
00:35:06,897 --> 00:35:09,775
What I need is somebody
to be there with me,
641
00:35:10,984 --> 00:35:12,444
in the room next door.
642
00:35:14,988 --> 00:35:16,907
Wouldn't you prefer
someone you're closer to?
643
00:35:16,990 --> 00:35:18,325
We're very close.
644
00:35:18,408 --> 00:35:20,452
No, yes, of course, of course we are.
645
00:35:20,536 --> 00:35:22,871
Oh, my God,
we're very close. I just...
646
00:35:22,955 --> 00:35:24,998
There were years where
we didn't see each other.
647
00:35:26,166 --> 00:35:27,668
What about Stella?
648
00:35:27,751 --> 00:35:29,044
Or Maggie?
649
00:35:29,127 --> 00:35:30,128
Or Vanessa?
650
00:35:30,212 --> 00:35:32,297
You've all been friends
since you were kids.
651
00:35:32,381 --> 00:35:34,716
I admit I thought of them first.
652
00:35:35,759 --> 00:35:37,469
I asked all three of them.
653
00:35:37,553 --> 00:35:40,848
They all were horrified
and they all said no.
654
00:35:42,182 --> 00:35:43,267
They understood it,
655
00:35:43,350 --> 00:35:45,561
but they said they could never be a part
656
00:35:45,644 --> 00:35:47,521
of helping me take my own life.
657
00:35:47,604 --> 00:35:49,147
Absolutely not.
658
00:35:49,231 --> 00:35:51,471
- What about your daughter?
- It wouldn't be fair to her.
659
00:35:52,860 --> 00:35:54,361
I've been an absent mother.
660
00:35:54,987 --> 00:35:56,780
I don't wanna impose my dying on her.
661
00:35:56,864 --> 00:36:01,076
You could at least consult her
and let her be a part of it.
662
00:36:01,159 --> 00:36:02,870
We're two strangers, Ingrid.
663
00:36:04,580 --> 00:36:08,292
She made that clear when I told her
about my doubts about the treatment.
664
00:36:09,418 --> 00:36:11,086
"It's your choice," she said.
665
00:36:12,880 --> 00:36:14,006
And she's right.
666
00:36:14,590 --> 00:36:15,591
Right.
667
00:36:42,326 --> 00:36:43,785
No matter what,
668
00:36:44,578 --> 00:36:46,747
people want you to keep fighting.
669
00:36:48,457 --> 00:36:51,209
This is the way we've
been taught to see cancer.
670
00:36:52,336 --> 00:36:56,924
As a fight... between patient and disease,
671
00:36:57,549 --> 00:37:00,010
which is to say between good and evil.
672
00:37:00,886 --> 00:37:03,013
If you survive, you're a hero.
673
00:37:04,139 --> 00:37:05,974
If you lose, well,
674
00:37:07,601 --> 00:37:09,394
perhaps you didn't fight hard enough.
675
00:37:11,980 --> 00:37:13,815
People don't like using words like
676
00:37:13,899 --> 00:37:17,069
"terminal" or "incurable."
677
00:37:17,152 --> 00:37:18,987
They call that defeatist talk.
678
00:37:19,821 --> 00:37:23,533
Some of the worst stuff comes from
the cancer support community.
679
00:37:24,242 --> 00:37:27,162
Some of them think
of your cancer as a gift,
680
00:37:27,245 --> 00:37:29,957
an opportunity for spiritual growth.
681
00:37:30,040 --> 00:37:31,124
Bullshit!
682
00:37:31,917 --> 00:37:35,003
People should see
this is my way of fighting.
683
00:37:37,172 --> 00:37:40,300
Cancer can't get me if I get me first.
684
00:37:43,053 --> 00:37:45,555
And what's the point in waiting
685
00:37:46,807 --> 00:37:48,141
when I'm so ready to go?
686
00:37:49,893 --> 00:37:52,145
Are you completely sure you're ready?
687
00:37:52,229 --> 00:37:53,271
Totally.
688
00:37:54,147 --> 00:37:55,482
Since the first diagnosis.
689
00:37:58,235 --> 00:38:00,654
You know I have a terrible fear of death.
690
00:38:00,737 --> 00:38:01,822
I know.
691
00:38:01,905 --> 00:38:03,240
I've read your book.
692
00:38:03,323 --> 00:38:05,158
That's why I didn't ask you first.
693
00:38:07,494 --> 00:38:08,662
But you understand me,
694
00:38:08,745 --> 00:38:10,038
- don't you?
- I do, I do.
695
00:38:10,122 --> 00:38:12,416
I envy you. You're in control of your life.
696
00:38:12,499 --> 00:38:16,044
I only need you to accompany me
the days leading to it,
697
00:38:16,128 --> 00:38:17,754
as if we were on vacation.
698
00:38:18,839 --> 00:38:21,508
I just wanna know that, when it happens,
699
00:38:21,591 --> 00:38:23,552
there'll be someone in the next room.
700
00:38:23,635 --> 00:38:25,137
It terrifies me, Martha.
701
00:38:25,220 --> 00:38:26,221
I understand.
702
00:38:26,304 --> 00:38:28,140
I think that you have every right to do this
703
00:38:28,223 --> 00:38:29,266
and I admire you for it,
704
00:38:29,349 --> 00:38:31,768
but I don't know that I can be
the one to find you dead.
705
00:38:31,852 --> 00:38:32,936
I'm not that strong.
706
00:38:33,020 --> 00:38:34,896
You're much stronger
than you think you are.
707
00:38:37,524 --> 00:38:39,985
Anyway, I had to try.
708
00:38:44,031 --> 00:38:47,159
I can't answer you now, Martha,
but I promise you I'll think about it.
709
00:38:47,242 --> 00:38:49,911
Right now I'm too confused
and too terrified.
710
00:38:49,995 --> 00:38:51,538
I understand.
711
00:38:51,621 --> 00:38:53,373
I understand it's sudden,
712
00:38:55,459 --> 00:38:57,127
and it's disconcerting.
713
00:39:01,715 --> 00:39:02,716
I'll think of someone.
714
00:39:13,518 --> 00:39:14,603
I wasn't too much?
715
00:39:14,686 --> 00:39:16,063
No, no.
716
00:39:55,894 --> 00:39:56,728
Martha?
717
00:39:56,812 --> 00:39:58,081
Hello, Ingrid.
718
00:39:58,105 --> 00:39:59,439
I've made up my mind.
719
00:40:02,859 --> 00:40:03,859
Come on in.
720
00:40:05,112 --> 00:40:06,696
The owner is a jewelry designer.
721
00:40:07,447 --> 00:40:10,242
She is a friend of mine,
so I don't pay much rent.
722
00:40:10,325 --> 00:40:11,325
Mm.
723
00:40:11,993 --> 00:40:13,912
You get the impression
it's been furnished
724
00:40:13,995 --> 00:40:15,372
with stuff from the garbage.
725
00:40:15,997 --> 00:40:17,415
Not everything.
726
00:40:18,416 --> 00:40:21,044
And it takes talent to pick stuff
out of the garbage.
727
00:40:21,628 --> 00:40:23,171
You haven't finished moving in.
728
00:40:24,089 --> 00:40:25,132
Do you want a hand?
729
00:40:25,215 --> 00:40:26,216
Uh...
730
00:40:26,967 --> 00:40:28,176
No.
731
00:40:30,720 --> 00:40:31,721
I'll do it after.
732
00:40:33,223 --> 00:40:36,601
And, even so, you're going with Martha.
733
00:40:36,685 --> 00:40:39,896
She is totally alone, Damian.
734
00:40:40,647 --> 00:40:42,941
None of her friends
are helping her with this.
735
00:40:43,024 --> 00:40:45,110
She even told me
I wasn't her first choice.
736
00:40:46,236 --> 00:40:48,405
It's like her daughter doesn't even exist.
737
00:40:48,488 --> 00:40:49,608
In the years I was with her,
738
00:40:49,656 --> 00:40:51,533
she never told me she had a daughter.
739
00:40:51,616 --> 00:40:52,784
I know, it's a...
740
00:40:53,410 --> 00:40:54,786
It's a sad story.
741
00:40:54,870 --> 00:40:58,081
It's a terrible, terrible misunderstanding.
742
00:41:01,376 --> 00:41:03,295
Have you told her that we're in touch?
743
00:41:03,378 --> 00:41:04,880
Uh...
744
00:41:04,963 --> 00:41:06,006
No...
745
00:41:06,089 --> 00:41:08,633
Um, we've talked about you
in a... in a general way.
746
00:41:08,717 --> 00:41:10,719
- She has nice memories of you.
- Oh. Really?
747
00:41:11,803 --> 00:41:14,222
Our relationship was mostly physical.
748
00:41:14,306 --> 00:41:16,308
She was always about to go off
somewhere else,
749
00:41:17,100 --> 00:41:21,479
that's why our lovemaking
had that sense of urgency.
750
00:41:21,563 --> 00:41:23,857
It was like having sex with a terrorist
751
00:41:23,940 --> 00:41:25,358
it always felt like the last time.
752
00:41:25,442 --> 00:41:27,861
Well, she rates you
pretty highly as a lover.
753
00:41:27,944 --> 00:41:29,584
I'd like to know what rating you give me.
754
00:41:29,654 --> 00:41:31,740
Oh, I can't believe
you're still flirting with me.
755
00:41:31,823 --> 00:41:34,534
- I'm serious.
- No, no, you're not serious.
756
00:41:34,618 --> 00:41:36,703
What's serious is Martha's situation.
757
00:41:37,287 --> 00:41:39,080
And your being terrified of death?
758
00:41:39,789 --> 00:41:41,583
You just published a book about that.
759
00:41:41,666 --> 00:41:43,668
Have you overcome that
thanks to the book?
760
00:41:43,752 --> 00:41:45,921
No.
761
00:41:54,804 --> 00:41:57,098
Hi. How are you?
762
00:41:57,182 --> 00:41:58,516
Better.
763
00:41:58,600 --> 00:42:00,685
Much better since you said yes.
764
00:42:01,394 --> 00:42:03,063
Where are you? Are you at home?
765
00:42:03,146 --> 00:42:04,314
Yeah.
766
00:42:04,397 --> 00:42:05,941
I'm watering the plants.
767
00:42:06,024 --> 00:42:08,652
Oh, I thought you had someone
who did that for you.
768
00:42:08,735 --> 00:42:09,735
I do.
769
00:42:10,403 --> 00:42:13,031
But today I felt like doing it
and I am enjoying it.
770
00:42:13,114 --> 00:42:15,325
Okay. Good.
771
00:42:15,408 --> 00:42:18,995
Um, have you... Have you
decided where we're going?
772
00:42:19,537 --> 00:42:20,956
That's why I called.
773
00:42:21,957 --> 00:42:25,543
It's, uh, near Woodstock,
it's about two hours from the city.
774
00:42:25,627 --> 00:42:27,629
It looks fantastic. Uh...
775
00:42:27,712 --> 00:42:31,549
It's a bit expensive,
but, hey, the occasion calls for it.
776
00:42:33,635 --> 00:42:35,929
So, do you know how long...
777
00:42:36,012 --> 00:42:37,555
I've rented it for a month.
778
00:42:37,639 --> 00:42:40,141
That should give me
more than enough time.
779
00:42:40,225 --> 00:42:41,226
A month?
780
00:42:41,309 --> 00:42:44,354
Yeah. My blood count's low
781
00:42:44,437 --> 00:42:46,898
and I have to take a break
before I start the new treatment
782
00:42:46,982 --> 00:42:50,068
and you are the only one who knows
I'm not going back to the hospital.
783
00:42:50,694 --> 00:42:52,946
It's not like I've picked a date.
784
00:42:53,029 --> 00:42:53,905
I mean,
785
00:42:53,989 --> 00:42:55,949
you'll never know it anyway.
786
00:42:57,033 --> 00:42:59,327
But... I'm ready to go.
787
00:43:01,037 --> 00:43:02,789
I would even say I'm impatient.
788
00:43:03,748 --> 00:43:05,500
I'm gonna be giving a lecture
789
00:43:05,583 --> 00:43:07,585
near Woodstock at Bard in two weeks,
790
00:43:07,669 --> 00:43:08,920
so we can see each other.
791
00:43:09,004 --> 00:43:12,882
Mm, I don't think that's a good idea,
I'll be with Martha all the time.
792
00:43:13,550 --> 00:43:14,718
I'll call you if I can.
793
00:43:15,260 --> 00:43:16,460
You're going to need a lawyer.
794
00:43:16,970 --> 00:43:18,972
Yes, I should look for one.
795
00:43:19,055 --> 00:43:22,142
Let me help you with that,
but I'll have to fill them in.
796
00:43:22,225 --> 00:43:24,686
No, no, in that case, no.
797
00:43:24,769 --> 00:43:26,104
This is an absolute secret.
798
00:43:26,187 --> 00:43:27,772
Martha doesn't even know I've told you.
799
00:43:27,856 --> 00:43:30,859
Okay. But if you need anything,
you should let me know.
800
00:43:32,694 --> 00:43:34,029
I worry about you.
801
00:43:34,988 --> 00:43:35,988
Thank you.
802
00:44:34,172 --> 00:44:35,423
According to this map,
803
00:44:36,132 --> 00:44:38,176
we go up these stairs to enter the house.
804
00:44:38,259 --> 00:44:39,302
Okay.
805
00:45:09,165 --> 00:45:10,291
Look at this.
806
00:45:25,515 --> 00:45:27,809
Wow, it's so beautiful!
807
00:45:27,892 --> 00:45:31,146
It's so much more beautiful
than in the photographs!
808
00:45:34,899 --> 00:45:36,734
Is that a real Hopper?
809
00:45:36,818 --> 00:45:38,858
I don't think
they would have left it here.
810
00:45:39,487 --> 00:45:41,322
It's a very good copy.
811
00:45:41,406 --> 00:45:42,407
It looks real.
812
00:46:05,805 --> 00:46:07,599
- Do you hear them?
- Mm-hmm.
813
00:46:07,682 --> 00:46:08,892
Isn't that wonderful?
814
00:46:13,605 --> 00:46:16,524
And we can lie in the sun,
like in the Hopper,
815
00:46:18,193 --> 00:46:20,528
and catch the evening breeze.
816
00:46:26,159 --> 00:46:27,285
Are you okay?
817
00:46:29,746 --> 00:46:30,747
Very happy.
818
00:46:48,890 --> 00:46:50,558
Do you mind if I take this one?
819
00:46:50,642 --> 00:46:52,435
Of course not. It's your house.
820
00:46:56,147 --> 00:46:59,526
Mm. This one is a little small,
I'm gonna look downstairs.
821
00:46:59,609 --> 00:47:00,609
All right.
822
00:47:18,419 --> 00:47:20,380
I'm gonna take this one, okay?
823
00:47:21,339 --> 00:47:22,632
Very good!
824
00:47:24,217 --> 00:47:26,928
You don't mind that
I'm not in the room next door?
825
00:47:27,637 --> 00:47:29,639
I can hear you breathe!
826
00:47:30,557 --> 00:47:32,058
And yell!
827
00:47:32,141 --> 00:47:34,727
Okay!
828
00:47:42,944 --> 00:47:45,029
Here we go.
829
00:47:48,950 --> 00:47:50,785
Let's get you unpacked.
830
00:47:50,868 --> 00:47:51,869
Thank you.
831
00:47:52,745 --> 00:47:54,038
I'll unpack it later.
832
00:47:54,664 --> 00:47:56,874
You're not my caretaker, Ingrid.
833
00:47:56,958 --> 00:47:58,126
You're my guest.
834
00:47:58,876 --> 00:48:00,044
Okay.
835
00:48:00,128 --> 00:48:01,128
Um...
836
00:48:01,170 --> 00:48:02,839
I'll go unpack my things.
837
00:48:20,064 --> 00:48:21,649
- Martha?
- Aah!
838
00:48:27,238 --> 00:48:28,239
What is it, honey?
839
00:48:29,157 --> 00:48:30,575
- You won't believe it!
- What?
840
00:48:30,658 --> 00:48:31,743
I forgot it!
841
00:48:31,826 --> 00:48:33,286
You forgot what?
842
00:48:33,369 --> 00:48:34,746
The pill, the euthanasia pill!
843
00:48:34,829 --> 00:48:37,206
I brought all the others!
We have to go back.
844
00:48:37,290 --> 00:48:39,351
Oh, it's okay, we'll go back
first thing in the morning.
845
00:48:39,375 --> 00:48:40,686
- Don't worry about it.
- No, not tomorrow!
846
00:48:40,710 --> 00:48:42,086
We have to go now!
847
00:48:42,170 --> 00:48:45,965
I just need to be sure
that I didn't lose it or misplace it,
848
00:48:46,049 --> 00:48:48,009
that I didn't just dream it up.
849
00:48:48,843 --> 00:48:49,844
Okay.
850
00:48:55,642 --> 00:48:58,436
Buying another pill would be
extremely complicated.
851
00:49:00,688 --> 00:49:04,442
I have a friend
who knows a mathematician
852
00:49:04,525 --> 00:49:06,444
who found it on the dark web.
853
00:49:07,695 --> 00:49:09,030
It's all very sordid,
854
00:49:09,947 --> 00:49:12,200
not to mention totally illegal.
855
00:49:15,411 --> 00:49:16,496
It's scary
856
00:49:17,372 --> 00:49:18,915
knowing that all that exists
857
00:49:19,457 --> 00:49:21,668
just behind our computer screens.
858
00:49:24,128 --> 00:49:25,380
I feel like a criminal.
859
00:49:30,593 --> 00:49:32,220
I never thought I'd be back here again.
860
00:49:33,137 --> 00:49:34,555
With that wonderful skyline.
861
00:49:35,390 --> 00:49:37,642
Life always surprises you.
862
00:49:37,725 --> 00:49:39,227
All right, let's get to work.
863
00:49:39,310 --> 00:49:41,187
- Okay.
- I'll start in the kitchen.
864
00:49:41,270 --> 00:49:42,397
Don't worry, we'll find it.
865
00:49:42,480 --> 00:49:44,249
Just, um... Just try to think
of all the places
866
00:49:44,273 --> 00:49:45,650
you usually hide things.
867
00:49:45,733 --> 00:49:47,453
This is the first thing I have ever hidden.
868
00:49:47,485 --> 00:49:48,319
Really?
869
00:49:48,403 --> 00:49:51,072
The only thing I can remember
is I put it in an envelope.
870
00:49:51,698 --> 00:49:53,199
Okay. Uh...
871
00:49:53,282 --> 00:49:54,951
Why don't I start in your office?
872
00:49:55,034 --> 00:49:56,387
- Is that okay? Okay.
- Yeah, yeah.
873
00:49:56,411 --> 00:49:58,830
Where did I put it? Where did I put it?
874
00:50:17,807 --> 00:50:20,101
Oh, my God.
We're never gonna find it.
875
00:51:34,717 --> 00:51:35,843
I found an envelope.
876
00:51:36,719 --> 00:51:37,719
That's it!
877
00:51:38,554 --> 00:51:39,597
Where did you find it?
878
00:51:39,680 --> 00:51:40,848
In your desk.
879
00:51:40,932 --> 00:51:43,392
There was key in a drawer
and I opened it.
880
00:51:44,018 --> 00:51:46,103
How could I have forgotten?
881
00:51:46,187 --> 00:51:47,563
I even left the key in it?
882
00:51:47,647 --> 00:51:49,166
Well, you meant to take it,
at the last minute,
883
00:51:49,190 --> 00:51:50,983
you forgot. It's not so weird.
884
00:51:53,486 --> 00:51:54,695
Thank you.
885
00:51:55,696 --> 00:51:57,657
Such a strange sensation.
886
00:51:59,116 --> 00:52:00,993
It's like being here after I'm dead.
887
00:52:01,077 --> 00:52:02,495
Oh, God, don't say that.
888
00:52:03,412 --> 00:52:05,915
It's too soon for you
to refer to yourself as a ghost.
889
00:52:07,500 --> 00:52:09,293
Let me straighten up before we leave.
890
00:52:09,377 --> 00:52:10,377
Thank you.
891
00:53:05,641 --> 00:53:07,143
Forgive me for all this hassle.
892
00:53:07,977 --> 00:53:09,228
I'm sorry, really.
893
00:53:09,312 --> 00:53:10,813
It's okay.
894
00:53:11,981 --> 00:53:14,358
What a great place to return to.
895
00:53:15,985 --> 00:53:17,403
Stupid fridge.
896
00:53:18,321 --> 00:53:19,363
You need some help?
897
00:53:22,158 --> 00:53:23,158
I got it.
898
00:53:30,249 --> 00:53:31,292
You know, maybe
899
00:53:32,251 --> 00:53:34,670
leaving the pill behind
was a kind of a sign?
900
00:53:36,505 --> 00:53:38,424
Maybe you're not as ready as you think.
901
00:53:40,968 --> 00:53:43,220
I told you never to say that to me.
902
00:53:45,097 --> 00:53:46,682
I don't remember you telling me that.
903
00:53:49,685 --> 00:53:51,646
I think I've said so many things to you.
904
00:53:53,189 --> 00:53:55,191
That's the problem with chemo brain.
905
00:53:56,943 --> 00:54:00,279
My memory keeps failing me
and I get distracted so easily.
906
00:54:02,698 --> 00:54:06,202
It can continue even
after the treatment stops
907
00:54:06,285 --> 00:54:07,954
and it can go on for years.
908
00:54:09,080 --> 00:54:10,790
I'll be spared that, at least.
909
00:54:13,709 --> 00:54:14,710
When I write
910
00:54:16,170 --> 00:54:17,171
when I wrote...
911
00:54:19,131 --> 00:54:21,884
I had to proofread a thousand times.
912
00:54:21,968 --> 00:54:24,470
I can't trust my judgement
about anything anymore.
913
00:54:24,553 --> 00:54:25,554
Well...
914
00:54:26,389 --> 00:54:28,975
Then why do you trust this decision?
915
00:54:29,850 --> 00:54:32,061
How do you know
it's not chemo brain, too?
916
00:54:33,896 --> 00:54:37,024
I've left the pill in the top drawer
of the bedside table.
917
00:54:38,109 --> 00:54:41,112
If I forget, which I don't think I will,
918
00:54:41,195 --> 00:54:42,196
you will remind me.
919
00:54:43,406 --> 00:54:45,908
And I prefer not to talk
about this anymore.
920
00:54:46,742 --> 00:54:49,537
Well, it's my business, too,
don't you think?
921
00:54:53,124 --> 00:54:54,542
Sure. Of course.
922
00:54:57,003 --> 00:54:59,338
I'll leave a signed letter for the police
923
00:54:59,422 --> 00:55:02,675
telling them everything,
including the name of the pill
924
00:55:02,758 --> 00:55:03,801
and where I got it.
925
00:55:04,677 --> 00:55:07,471
Your name will not appear anywhere.
926
00:55:08,597 --> 00:55:11,809
All you have to do is to say
that you know nothing.
927
00:55:12,435 --> 00:55:13,853
Don't budge from that.
928
00:55:15,229 --> 00:55:17,231
I don't wanna give you
any more information.
929
00:55:17,314 --> 00:55:18,649
The less you know, the better.
930
00:55:20,818 --> 00:55:21,986
And this is important.
931
00:55:28,242 --> 00:55:30,536
I'll sleep with my door open
932
00:55:30,619 --> 00:55:32,830
and the day that you find it closed
933
00:55:33,664 --> 00:55:35,374
is the day it's already happened.
934
00:55:36,250 --> 00:55:38,335
That's the sign, door closed.
935
00:55:44,300 --> 00:55:46,010
I know it's difficult.
936
00:55:48,846 --> 00:55:50,681
But just think we're on vacation.
937
00:55:52,391 --> 00:55:55,311
You can write, we can come and go...
938
00:55:56,395 --> 00:55:58,075
I don't think I'll be able to concentrate.
939
00:56:00,483 --> 00:56:01,901
And if I write,
940
00:56:01,984 --> 00:56:04,254
you might show up in it somewhere
and I don't wanna do that.
941
00:56:04,278 --> 00:56:05,362
Yeah.
942
00:56:05,446 --> 00:56:07,364
That could complicate your life
943
00:56:07,448 --> 00:56:09,241
if the police investigate.
944
00:56:09,325 --> 00:56:10,576
Well, I'm not gonna do it.
945
00:56:10,659 --> 00:56:11,952
Wait 'til I'm dead.
946
00:56:12,036 --> 00:56:13,037
Oh, God!
947
00:56:14,288 --> 00:56:17,792
Can you not say
"wait until I'm dead," please?
948
00:56:20,086 --> 00:56:21,086
I promise.
949
00:56:24,131 --> 00:56:25,692
I'd like to find a gym
somewhere around here
950
00:56:25,716 --> 00:56:27,356
that I can go to a couple of days a week.
951
00:56:29,637 --> 00:56:30,679
I'm the only one who eats
952
00:56:30,763 --> 00:56:33,057
and I don't want to gain ten pounds
while you waste away.
953
00:56:33,140 --> 00:56:34,642
Oh, give me a chance.
954
00:56:34,725 --> 00:56:35,893
I'll catch up with you.
955
00:56:39,647 --> 00:56:40,940
Look! I'm eating.
956
00:56:43,275 --> 00:56:45,820
I have practically
held death in my hands.
957
00:56:47,780 --> 00:56:50,741
I never imagined it would be
something so light.
958
00:57:26,902 --> 00:57:27,903
Martha?
959
00:57:32,366 --> 00:57:33,367
Good morning.
960
00:57:33,450 --> 00:57:34,493
Good morning!
961
00:57:35,202 --> 00:57:36,370
I'm making breakfast.
962
00:57:37,663 --> 00:57:38,747
You want some toast?
963
00:57:38,831 --> 00:57:40,666
No, just some coffee.
964
00:57:40,749 --> 00:57:42,084
Help yourself. It's already made.
965
00:57:42,168 --> 00:57:43,919
There's juice, fruit
966
00:57:44,587 --> 00:57:45,629
whatever you want.
967
00:57:51,427 --> 00:57:53,679
My behavior yesterday
was unacceptable.
968
00:57:54,805 --> 00:57:57,600
I completely understand
that it drove you crazy.
969
00:57:58,934 --> 00:58:00,186
But in my current state,
970
00:58:00,269 --> 00:58:02,271
I can't make any promises.
971
00:58:03,272 --> 00:58:04,440
So, just in case...
972
00:58:07,359 --> 00:58:10,070
I put a medium range sedative
in this drawer.
973
00:58:10,779 --> 00:58:12,406
And if you find me unbearable,
974
00:58:12,489 --> 00:58:15,951
you just have one and you can relax.
975
00:58:16,035 --> 00:58:17,411
I could have used that last night.
976
00:58:17,494 --> 00:58:19,246
You...
977
00:58:19,330 --> 00:58:21,749
You're one of a kind, Martha.
You really... You really are.
978
00:58:24,001 --> 00:58:25,920
I've made a list of stuff to buy.
979
00:58:26,003 --> 00:58:27,129
We need a few things.
980
00:58:28,839 --> 00:58:30,319
Is there anything you want me to get?
981
00:58:31,675 --> 00:58:32,760
Don't think so.
982
00:58:34,136 --> 00:58:35,656
Do you wanna come
to the store with me?
983
00:58:37,681 --> 00:58:38,807
Maybe another day.
984
00:58:39,475 --> 00:58:40,851
It's so nice here.
985
00:58:42,102 --> 00:58:44,313
I'd like to stay if you don't mind.
986
00:58:44,396 --> 00:58:45,648
No, of course not.
987
00:58:47,983 --> 00:58:50,486
I found a gym nearby, too.
988
00:58:51,111 --> 00:58:52,488
That's great.
989
00:58:52,571 --> 00:58:54,281
I think that's a very good idea.
990
00:58:57,576 --> 00:58:58,661
Okay, well...
991
00:59:00,246 --> 00:59:02,456
I have my phone with me
if you need anything.
992
00:59:03,290 --> 00:59:04,333
Thanks, love.
993
00:59:20,307 --> 00:59:21,141
Hi.
994
00:59:21,225 --> 00:59:23,018
I was hoping I could use the gym today.
995
00:59:23,102 --> 00:59:24,103
Are you a member?
996
00:59:24,186 --> 00:59:25,705
Uh, no. I'm just in town for a little bit.
997
00:59:25,729 --> 00:59:27,564
If you use one of our personal trainers,
998
00:59:27,648 --> 00:59:28,857
you don't need to be a member.
999
00:59:28,941 --> 00:59:31,402
Um, okay. I'll use
one of your trainers then.
1000
00:59:31,485 --> 00:59:33,279
You'll like Jonah, you'll see.
1001
00:59:34,196 --> 00:59:35,114
Thanks.
1002
00:59:35,197 --> 00:59:38,075
So, would you like to start
a warm up doing steps?
1003
00:59:38,158 --> 00:59:39,868
- Okay.
- Is okay?
1004
00:59:39,952 --> 00:59:43,038
Do you think you can do this
for 30 seconds?
1005
00:59:43,122 --> 00:59:45,749
- Um, sure. All right.
- Okay, go for it. Have a try.
1006
00:59:46,834 --> 00:59:49,336
And we are on. Okay, nice.
1007
00:59:49,420 --> 00:59:50,772
- Keep focus on your leg.
- Mm-hmm.
1008
00:59:50,796 --> 00:59:52,339
And, if you can, move your arm...
1009
00:59:52,423 --> 00:59:53,757
- Okay.
- Okay, with each step.
1010
00:59:55,134 --> 00:59:56,135
And we are done.
1011
00:59:56,844 --> 00:59:59,722
Nice. You're pretty strong,
you young lady.
1012
00:59:59,805 --> 01:00:01,557
What I am is winded.
1013
01:00:01,640 --> 01:00:04,226
Well, if you want,
there are other variations we can do.
1014
01:00:05,686 --> 01:00:07,438
I mean, you can go try like this.
1015
01:00:07,521 --> 01:00:08,814
You can go back and forth.
1016
01:00:09,523 --> 01:00:12,192
Or you can jump on it and go left
1017
01:00:12,276 --> 01:00:14,987
and right or back and on the box.
1018
01:00:15,070 --> 01:00:16,780
- Okay. Okay.
- Have a try one more.
1019
01:00:16,864 --> 01:00:19,116
Nice.
1020
01:00:20,075 --> 01:00:21,469
- Focus on your core here.
- Uh-huh.
1021
01:00:21,493 --> 01:00:22,703
And breathe.
1022
01:00:24,288 --> 01:00:26,165
Inhale and exhale.
1023
01:00:28,751 --> 01:00:29,835
Perfect. One more.
1024
01:00:34,006 --> 01:00:35,049
Is everything okay?
1025
01:00:40,387 --> 01:00:42,890
When the body is in great shape,
it takes longer to die.
1026
01:00:45,934 --> 01:00:47,353
When death comes,
1027
01:00:47,436 --> 01:00:49,938
the mind wants to go,
but the body keeps fighting.
1028
01:00:50,773 --> 01:00:53,400
Heart beating "no" with every beat.
1029
01:00:54,151 --> 01:00:55,152
Well
1030
01:00:55,736 --> 01:00:57,696
all the more reason to look after yourself.
1031
01:00:58,864 --> 01:01:00,282
I live with a friend who's dying.
1032
01:01:00,366 --> 01:01:01,366
I'm sorry.
1033
01:01:02,493 --> 01:01:04,411
Come. Let's have a seat.
1034
01:01:04,995 --> 01:01:05,995
Come here.
1035
01:01:10,334 --> 01:01:12,252
Is there anything that I can do?
1036
01:01:18,550 --> 01:01:19,885
I wish I could give you a hug,
1037
01:01:21,095 --> 01:01:23,097
but we're not allowed
to touch clients anymore
1038
01:01:23,180 --> 01:01:25,432
because of the lawsuits and whatever.
1039
01:01:28,727 --> 01:01:29,770
And it's a problem,
1040
01:01:31,188 --> 01:01:33,041
because it can be hard
to correct people's posture
1041
01:01:33,065 --> 01:01:34,191
with just words
1042
01:01:34,942 --> 01:01:36,777
and touching is so important.
1043
01:01:38,112 --> 01:01:40,114
This world is absurd and inhumane.
1044
01:01:40,739 --> 01:01:43,033
I don't see it improving any time soon.
1045
01:01:45,411 --> 01:01:46,954
But thank you, I feel hugged.
1046
01:01:54,628 --> 01:01:57,172
Oh, I've been meaning to read this book.
1047
01:01:57,923 --> 01:02:00,717
Isn't it a wonderful title? Erotic Vagrancy.
1048
01:02:00,801 --> 01:02:01,802
Do you wanna buy it?
1049
01:02:04,096 --> 01:02:05,472
I won't have time to finish it.
1050
01:02:12,896 --> 01:02:14,648
I like the way it's laid out here.
1051
01:02:14,731 --> 01:02:15,732
Mm.
1052
01:02:15,816 --> 01:02:16,859
Oh, look.
1053
01:02:17,443 --> 01:02:18,694
Martha Gellhorn.
1054
01:02:19,736 --> 01:02:21,238
The View from the Ground.
1055
01:02:23,740 --> 01:02:27,411
She wrote that you only ever
truly love one war,
1056
01:02:28,078 --> 01:02:30,038
after that you're just doing your duty.
1057
01:02:32,291 --> 01:02:33,667
Which one was yours?
1058
01:02:35,335 --> 01:02:37,254
Bosnia, without a doubt.
1059
01:02:43,010 --> 01:02:45,804
The fight to survive
by the Bosnian people
1060
01:02:45,888 --> 01:02:47,931
against a perfectly equipped army
1061
01:02:48,932 --> 01:02:52,478
stole the hearts of all of us
who witnessed the extermination.
1062
01:02:53,145 --> 01:02:56,023
There are very few women
war correspondents.
1063
01:02:57,232 --> 01:02:59,026
War is a man's thing.
1064
01:02:59,818 --> 01:03:01,945
You have to sort of become
one of the guys
1065
01:03:02,029 --> 01:03:03,906
and it was never a problem for me,
1066
01:03:03,989 --> 01:03:05,616
I've always lived like a man.
1067
01:03:06,283 --> 01:03:10,329
Actually, I think
what Michelle really missed
1068
01:03:11,246 --> 01:03:13,790
was having a maternal figure in her life.
1069
01:03:14,750 --> 01:03:19,296
And in this, I must admit
that she... she was right.
1070
01:03:20,088 --> 01:03:21,632
Don't be so hard on yourself.
1071
01:03:26,720 --> 01:03:29,348
Hey, look who's coming to town!
1072
01:03:29,431 --> 01:03:31,350
The life of the party!
1073
01:03:31,433 --> 01:03:32,768
"How bad can it get?
1074
01:03:33,435 --> 01:03:35,270
Navigating urban life with integrity."
1075
01:03:35,354 --> 01:03:36,355
You feel like going?
1076
01:03:36,438 --> 01:03:38,232
No, you know what? I've heard it already
1077
01:03:38,315 --> 01:03:40,150
and it's not an evening I'd like to repeat.
1078
01:03:40,234 --> 01:03:42,569
We all have
our own personal apocalypses.
1079
01:03:42,653 --> 01:03:44,404
Are you having an awful time with me?
1080
01:03:44,488 --> 01:03:47,115
No, no, I meant him, his lecture.
1081
01:03:47,199 --> 01:03:48,992
Global crisis, climate change.
1082
01:03:49,076 --> 01:03:50,369
Yeah.
1083
01:03:50,452 --> 01:03:51,620
Hi.
1084
01:03:51,703 --> 01:03:52,746
I love your hair.
1085
01:03:53,413 --> 01:03:54,413
Nice.
1086
01:04:05,509 --> 01:04:07,511
When the nightmares come rushing in,
1087
01:04:08,637 --> 01:04:11,181
I think about all the men I've loved.
1088
01:04:11,265 --> 01:04:12,766
It sounds like a song.
1089
01:04:12,849 --> 01:04:14,726
A good one.
1090
01:04:17,187 --> 01:04:19,147
Even if it was just for one night.
1091
01:04:20,566 --> 01:04:23,360
Sometimes I think about Damian.
1092
01:04:28,448 --> 01:04:32,869
I still think sex is the best way
to fend off looming thoughts of death.
1093
01:04:34,454 --> 01:04:36,540
Like those Spanish Carmelites.
1094
01:04:38,584 --> 01:04:41,420
Wars turned me into
a promiscuous woman, Ingrid.
1095
01:04:41,503 --> 01:04:42,879
Good.
1096
01:04:45,048 --> 01:04:46,592
Are you still in touch with him?
1097
01:04:46,675 --> 01:04:48,302
- With who?
- Damian.
1098
01:04:49,595 --> 01:04:50,596
Um...
1099
01:04:51,305 --> 01:04:52,723
You know, from time to time.
1100
01:04:55,309 --> 01:04:58,270
"How bad can it get?"
1101
01:04:59,730 --> 01:05:00,772
Well
1102
01:05:01,648 --> 01:05:04,818
much worse than you imagine,
Damian, honey.
1103
01:05:08,530 --> 01:05:09,531
Hey.
1104
01:05:10,741 --> 01:05:11,741
Are you all right?
1105
01:05:12,701 --> 01:05:13,827
I was trying to write.
1106
01:05:15,454 --> 01:05:16,455
I can't.
1107
01:05:19,583 --> 01:05:23,128
In this war, I'm incapable
of writing anything.
1108
01:05:23,879 --> 01:05:24,921
What about reading?
1109
01:05:26,214 --> 01:05:27,215
You love to read.
1110
01:05:27,966 --> 01:05:29,134
I've tried.
1111
01:05:30,969 --> 01:05:33,347
I've tried with some of
my favorite writers.
1112
01:05:35,557 --> 01:05:38,018
The spell just isn't there anymore.
1113
01:05:40,771 --> 01:05:42,564
I'm talking about Faulkner,
1114
01:05:43,982 --> 01:05:45,067
Hemingway...
1115
01:05:46,985 --> 01:05:48,403
I can't concentrate.
1116
01:05:49,988 --> 01:05:53,325
My mind just flies off into the void.
1117
01:05:54,618 --> 01:05:56,161
If you're too tired,
1118
01:05:57,663 --> 01:05:58,705
I could read to you.
1119
01:06:01,792 --> 01:06:02,793
Not just reading,
1120
01:06:04,378 --> 01:06:06,338
all pleasure's been reduced.
1121
01:06:08,924 --> 01:06:12,386
It's hard to know
what to pay attention to anymore.
1122
01:06:15,639 --> 01:06:16,973
I have very little time,
1123
01:06:18,100 --> 01:06:19,434
and I don't want to waste it.
1124
01:06:21,603 --> 01:06:23,063
Okay. Um...
1125
01:06:26,483 --> 01:06:29,778
What about music?
1126
01:06:32,364 --> 01:06:34,491
I can only listen to the birds singing.
1127
01:06:35,784 --> 01:06:38,954
Well, luckily, they give us
a serenade every day.
1128
01:06:39,037 --> 01:06:41,498
Music decenters me.
1129
01:06:42,207 --> 01:06:45,043
It comes between me
and whatever it is I'm doing,
1130
01:06:45,127 --> 01:06:46,670
even if it's just thinking.
1131
01:06:48,130 --> 01:06:51,299
Maybe the chemo
is affecting my hearing.
1132
01:06:51,383 --> 01:06:52,551
Oh, honey.
1133
01:06:53,802 --> 01:06:56,722
I've been reduced to very little of myself.
1134
01:07:05,188 --> 01:07:08,275
I long for some peace of body and mind.
1135
01:07:11,069 --> 01:07:14,197
And to just talk whenever
I'm invaded by memory.
1136
01:07:15,449 --> 01:07:16,700
Am I talking too much?
1137
01:07:16,783 --> 01:07:18,827
No, no, no, no. Talk all you want,
1138
01:07:18,910 --> 01:07:20,412
I love listening to you.
1139
01:10:05,452 --> 01:10:06,453
What's going on?
1140
01:10:07,162 --> 01:10:08,747
What's wrong?
1141
01:10:11,374 --> 01:10:12,685
Your door was closed,
1142
01:10:12,709 --> 01:10:13,710
so I thought you...
1143
01:10:15,211 --> 01:10:17,172
Oh, I'm so sorry.
1144
01:10:17,714 --> 01:10:19,466
I opened the window
1145
01:10:20,091 --> 01:10:21,885
and the breeze must have closed it.
1146
01:10:21,968 --> 01:10:23,053
Oh, my God!
1147
01:10:30,352 --> 01:10:32,103
Do you think it's fair to be mad at me
1148
01:10:32,187 --> 01:10:33,855
because I'm still alive?
1149
01:10:37,150 --> 01:10:39,152
Think of it as a rehearsal.
1150
01:10:40,737 --> 01:10:42,489
Now you know how it's gonna be.
1151
01:10:43,782 --> 01:10:45,325
You know how you're gonna feel.
1152
01:10:47,243 --> 01:10:49,079
You're gonna have to make some calls
1153
01:10:49,621 --> 01:10:52,207
and act out all the things
we talked about.
1154
01:10:53,166 --> 01:10:55,001
And you never knew anything,
1155
01:10:56,002 --> 01:10:57,337
and we were on vacation...
1156
01:10:57,420 --> 01:10:59,130
Please, just stop!
1157
01:11:00,924 --> 01:11:02,133
Okay.
1158
01:12:11,828 --> 01:12:13,204
Should we call it a night?
1159
01:12:15,331 --> 01:12:17,959
Or does the young lady
wanna keep watching movies?
1160
01:12:19,794 --> 01:12:22,714
Did you tell me
that they have The Dead?
1161
01:12:24,049 --> 01:12:25,508
Or did I dream that?
1162
01:12:25,592 --> 01:12:27,177
Yeah, they have it.
1163
01:12:27,260 --> 01:12:29,304
Um, do you wanna watch it?
1164
01:12:30,055 --> 01:12:31,514
Yes, please.
1165
01:12:31,598 --> 01:12:32,682
Here we go.
1166
01:12:35,351 --> 01:12:36,394
Here we go.
1167
01:12:46,905 --> 01:12:49,532
Yes, the newspapers are right.
1168
01:12:50,075 --> 01:12:53,912
Snow is general all over Ireland.
1169
01:12:53,995 --> 01:12:57,832
Falling on every part
of the dark central plain,
1170
01:12:57,916 --> 01:13:00,376
on the treeless hills.
1171
01:13:01,002 --> 01:13:04,089
Softly upon the Bog of Allen
1172
01:13:04,172 --> 01:13:08,093
and farther westward, softly falling
1173
01:13:08,176 --> 01:13:12,263
into the dark mutinous Shannon waves.
1174
01:13:13,348 --> 01:13:16,267
One by one, we're all becoming shades.
1175
01:13:18,686 --> 01:13:20,730
Snow is falling,
1176
01:13:22,065 --> 01:13:24,359
falling in that lonely churchyard
1177
01:13:24,442 --> 01:13:26,319
where Michael Furey lies buried.
1178
01:13:28,154 --> 01:13:30,406
Falling faintly through the universe
1179
01:13:30,490 --> 01:13:32,575
and faintly falling,
1180
01:13:33,660 --> 01:13:36,204
like the descent of their last end,
1181
01:13:37,664 --> 01:13:41,126
upon all the living and the dead.
1182
01:14:00,770 --> 01:14:01,770
Do you hear them?
1183
01:14:02,355 --> 01:14:03,398
Mm-hmm.
1184
01:14:11,948 --> 01:14:12,949
It's daytime,
1185
01:14:17,620 --> 01:14:18,872
and you're alive.
1186
01:14:29,465 --> 01:14:31,050
Oh, this is too much.
1187
01:14:31,134 --> 01:14:32,343
- Yeah?
- This is harder
1188
01:14:32,427 --> 01:14:33,887
- than I thought it'd be.
- Okay.
1189
01:14:36,431 --> 01:14:37,640
I think I need to sit.
1190
01:14:37,724 --> 01:14:39,934
All right. Yeah, let's go sit over here.
1191
01:14:40,602 --> 01:14:42,103
Here, let me help you.
1192
01:14:46,274 --> 01:14:48,776
Hey, I've got you. Here we go.
1193
01:14:49,569 --> 01:14:50,612
Here you go.
1194
01:14:51,946 --> 01:14:53,114
Okay.
1195
01:14:56,743 --> 01:14:58,828
- That's much better.
- Oh, good.
1196
01:15:02,916 --> 01:15:05,376
Before coming here, I made a new will.
1197
01:15:06,127 --> 01:15:08,713
Aw, let's not talk about this now, please.
1198
01:15:10,340 --> 01:15:12,508
I'm leaving the apartment
and everything in it
1199
01:15:12,592 --> 01:15:14,219
to Michelle and you.
1200
01:15:19,974 --> 01:15:22,101
I found your war journals in your desk.
1201
01:15:23,269 --> 01:15:25,104
What do you want us to do with them?
1202
01:15:25,772 --> 01:15:27,023
Is it okay if I read them?
1203
01:15:27,649 --> 01:15:29,067
Of course you can read them.
1204
01:15:32,528 --> 01:15:34,155
Can I tell your story?
1205
01:15:34,239 --> 01:15:35,615
You can do what you want.
1206
01:15:36,658 --> 01:15:37,825
I won't be here.
1207
01:15:40,036 --> 01:15:41,079
Can I say that?
1208
01:15:41,704 --> 01:15:42,705
No.
1209
01:15:43,915 --> 01:15:44,916
Okay.
1210
01:16:39,095 --> 01:16:40,847
Let's not talk about this now, okay?
1211
01:16:42,140 --> 01:16:44,642
All right, I'll see you there. Bye.
1212
01:16:51,858 --> 01:16:52,859
Dear Ingrid,
1213
01:16:53,609 --> 01:16:57,905
Today is such a beautiful day
that it seemed to me it...
1214
01:16:59,907 --> 01:17:00,907
Hey.
1215
01:17:01,409 --> 01:17:02,452
Hi.
1216
01:17:02,535 --> 01:17:04,454
- Everything okay?
- Yeah.
1217
01:17:04,537 --> 01:17:06,539
This breeze is delicious.
1218
01:17:06,622 --> 01:17:08,791
Be careful, it's a little chilly.
1219
01:17:10,335 --> 01:17:11,419
Um...
1220
01:17:11,502 --> 01:17:13,713
If you don't need me,
I'm gonna go to the gym.
1221
01:17:13,796 --> 01:17:15,173
But I can stay if you want.
1222
01:17:15,256 --> 01:17:17,550
No. Please, go.
I don't want to be a downer.
1223
01:17:17,633 --> 01:17:18,968
You're not a downer.
1224
01:17:19,052 --> 01:17:20,678
You've been pretty well-behaved.
1225
01:17:21,512 --> 01:17:23,848
Have you talked
to your trainer about me?
1226
01:17:25,058 --> 01:17:26,434
Um...
1227
01:17:26,517 --> 01:17:28,853
Well... I mean, it came up.
1228
01:17:29,437 --> 01:17:31,773
I was talking about being in good shape
1229
01:17:31,856 --> 01:17:34,776
and the heart beating to survive.
1230
01:17:34,859 --> 01:17:37,904
You know, everything that you
talked about in the hospital
1231
01:17:37,987 --> 01:17:40,156
and he looked at me like I was a lunatic,
1232
01:17:40,239 --> 01:17:43,534
so I told him I had a friend
who was sick. That's all.
1233
01:17:45,036 --> 01:17:49,832
Just remember,
you know nothing about anything.
1234
01:17:49,916 --> 01:17:50,958
Mm.
1235
01:17:55,296 --> 01:17:57,006
Come here, give me a kiss.
1236
01:17:59,675 --> 01:18:00,675
- You okay?
- Yes.
1237
01:18:23,950 --> 01:18:25,201
- Hi.
- Hi.
1238
01:18:30,415 --> 01:18:32,792
I lied to her, I don't like it.
1239
01:18:32,875 --> 01:18:34,168
Well, you'll have to practice.
1240
01:18:34,252 --> 01:18:35,253
Lying?
1241
01:18:35,336 --> 01:18:39,048
Yes. Officially, you aren't aware
of Martha's intentions.
1242
01:18:39,590 --> 01:18:40,591
Yeah.
1243
01:18:40,675 --> 01:18:43,136
And I found a lawyer,
in case you need one.
1244
01:18:43,219 --> 01:18:45,263
Thank you. Let's not talk about this now.
1245
01:18:45,346 --> 01:18:47,390
- Mm.
- How'd your lecture go?
1246
01:18:48,891 --> 01:18:51,978
Well, they weren't too happy
about my not taking questions.
1247
01:18:53,396 --> 01:18:54,439
In the end,
1248
01:18:55,940 --> 01:18:58,985
people started muttering
and someone called me a coward.
1249
01:18:59,068 --> 01:19:00,778
It doesn't bother me.
1250
01:19:00,862 --> 01:19:02,905
I spent way too much time
1251
01:19:02,989 --> 01:19:05,158
caring about my reputation,
and for what?
1252
01:19:05,825 --> 01:19:08,053
So, what are you doing
with all that time you've gotten back?
1253
01:19:08,077 --> 01:19:10,621
Are you doing more of what you love?
1254
01:19:11,956 --> 01:19:14,417
I have to admit that my interest in things
1255
01:19:14,500 --> 01:19:16,878
has been shrinking as I get older.
1256
01:19:18,546 --> 01:19:20,756
Martha said the same thing
a couple days ago.
1257
01:19:20,840 --> 01:19:23,342
There are so few things left
that she can really enjoy.
1258
01:19:23,426 --> 01:19:25,219
- I understand.
- Mm.
1259
01:19:26,429 --> 01:19:27,763
But you're not sick.
1260
01:19:27,847 --> 01:19:30,224
No, but I feel the same way,
especially after the pandemic.
1261
01:19:30,308 --> 01:19:32,602
I don't go to the cinema
or listen to music.
1262
01:19:33,436 --> 01:19:34,479
I... I read a lot,
1263
01:19:35,229 --> 01:19:37,148
but only subjects to do with my lectures.
1264
01:19:37,231 --> 01:19:39,650
Mm. You still go to galleries?
You used to love that.
1265
01:19:39,734 --> 01:19:41,295
When we were together,
we'd go all the time
1266
01:19:41,319 --> 01:19:43,446
and talk about how powerful the art is.
1267
01:19:43,529 --> 01:19:44,572
You still like that?
1268
01:19:45,740 --> 01:19:48,409
Even if every poet in the world
sat down to write a poem
1269
01:19:48,493 --> 01:19:50,912
about the climate crisis,
it wouldn't save one tree.
1270
01:19:50,995 --> 01:19:53,080
At least you're still interested in the trees.
1271
01:19:53,164 --> 01:19:54,790
I'm interested in sex, too.
1272
01:19:54,874 --> 01:19:56,542
Well, then you're not that bad.
1273
01:19:56,626 --> 01:19:59,045
When I was young,
1274
01:19:59,128 --> 01:20:03,049
if a day went by without sex,
I thought it was incomplete.
1275
01:20:03,132 --> 01:20:04,175
I remember that.
1276
01:20:04,258 --> 01:20:09,388
I'm not nostalgic,
but I miss the nights when we'd drink,
1277
01:20:10,473 --> 01:20:13,059
and take drugs, have sex,
1278
01:20:13,142 --> 01:20:16,103
all that didn't distract us
from what we really wanted to do.
1279
01:20:16,187 --> 01:20:18,606
You drank and you took drugs.
1280
01:20:18,689 --> 01:20:20,525
I mean, more than I did anyway.
1281
01:20:20,608 --> 01:20:21,793
I don't know how much you drank,
1282
01:20:21,817 --> 01:20:25,279
but you always acted as you were
as blitzed as the rest of us.
1283
01:20:26,197 --> 01:20:28,491
But you were an essential part
of the party.
1284
01:20:29,325 --> 01:20:32,828
That is, until you got bored
and went off to discover Europe.
1285
01:20:34,288 --> 01:20:35,540
You want to talk about that?
1286
01:20:36,832 --> 01:20:37,912
Tell me about your lecture.
1287
01:20:39,418 --> 01:20:42,797
I admit that I've become
something of a monomaniac.
1288
01:20:43,798 --> 01:20:45,716
My own son is no longer speaking to me
1289
01:20:45,800 --> 01:20:48,094
because I didn't hide how appalled I was
1290
01:20:48,177 --> 01:20:50,763
that his wife is expecting another child.
1291
01:20:50,846 --> 01:20:52,074
He doesn't want me anywhere near her
1292
01:20:52,098 --> 01:20:53,492
for fear she'll have a miscarriage.
1293
01:20:53,516 --> 01:20:56,269
What? How could you tell him
that he can't have another child?
1294
01:20:56,352 --> 01:20:58,688
- It's their third!
- What...
1295
01:20:58,771 --> 01:21:00,856
So, what's the next logical alternative?
1296
01:21:00,940 --> 01:21:02,376
For people to start killing themselves?
1297
01:21:02,400 --> 01:21:04,610
People should be aware,
once and for all,
1298
01:21:04,694 --> 01:21:06,862
of the state of the fucking
planet they're living on.
1299
01:21:08,823 --> 01:21:11,867
Well, perhaps this isn't
the best subject for you.
1300
01:21:11,951 --> 01:21:15,621
You're living with
a dying woman in a world
1301
01:21:15,705 --> 01:21:17,915
also in its death throes.
1302
01:21:20,376 --> 01:21:23,004
Do you really think the situation
is that desperate?
1303
01:21:23,087 --> 01:21:26,465
Yes. Read the science
and see what the world is doing with it.
1304
01:21:27,633 --> 01:21:31,637
They're releasing more CO2
into the air than ever before.
1305
01:21:31,721 --> 01:21:35,224
Sooner or later,
and I fear it will be sooner,
1306
01:21:35,308 --> 01:21:38,477
all this will be shot to hell, yeah.
1307
01:21:38,561 --> 01:21:42,106
Nothing is going to hasten
the end of the planet
1308
01:21:42,189 --> 01:21:45,151
more than the survival of neo-liberalism
1309
01:21:45,234 --> 01:21:46,819
and the rise of the far right.
1310
01:21:46,902 --> 01:21:50,781
And we have both of them here,
marching side by side.
1311
01:21:54,118 --> 01:21:57,246
Sorry, I didn't want to bring you down,
1312
01:21:58,539 --> 01:22:00,583
but I get riled up with this.
1313
01:22:00,666 --> 01:22:03,628
You cannot go around telling people
that there's no hope.
1314
01:22:04,170 --> 01:22:05,170
It's tragic.
1315
01:22:05,838 --> 01:22:08,466
And maybe it's really
unpleasant of me to say so,
1316
01:22:08,549 --> 01:22:12,428
but I've completely lost faith
in people doing the right thing.
1317
01:22:12,511 --> 01:22:15,556
I'm living every day expecting to find
Martha's body in her bed,
1318
01:22:15,640 --> 01:22:19,560
but that doesn't stop me
from enjoying every minute with her,
1319
01:22:19,644 --> 01:22:20,895
just the opposite.
1320
01:22:21,729 --> 01:22:24,190
I'm learning from her
and you should, too,
1321
01:22:25,149 --> 01:22:28,069
because there are lots of ways
to live inside a tragedy.
1322
01:22:29,945 --> 01:22:31,906
Of course it's painful,
1323
01:22:32,615 --> 01:22:34,659
but I can take it.
1324
01:22:35,743 --> 01:22:37,953
And I'm trying to live
1325
01:22:38,037 --> 01:22:39,997
with the same joy that she has,
1326
01:22:40,748 --> 01:22:42,708
and with the same appreciation, so
1327
01:22:43,626 --> 01:22:45,628
the last thing I need
is a speech like yours.
1328
01:22:46,545 --> 01:22:48,005
I've always admired you for that.
1329
01:22:49,382 --> 01:22:50,257
What?
1330
01:22:50,341 --> 01:22:53,386
You're one of the only people
who knows how to suffer
1331
01:22:53,469 --> 01:22:56,055
without making others feel guilty about it.
1332
01:23:38,681 --> 01:23:40,641
Do you think it will be much longer?
1333
01:23:40,725 --> 01:23:43,978
No, it'll be soon. Any day now.
1334
01:23:45,271 --> 01:23:47,148
You have to be prepared.
1335
01:23:47,231 --> 01:23:48,566
I know the police.
1336
01:23:48,649 --> 01:23:50,443
They'll ask you all sorts of questions,
1337
01:23:50,526 --> 01:23:52,862
they'll dig into your relationship
like scavengers.
1338
01:23:53,446 --> 01:23:55,197
You need a kind of mental script.
1339
01:23:55,281 --> 01:23:57,241
No, I thought about it, I do have it.
1340
01:23:58,159 --> 01:24:01,078
Good. Stay strong and stick to your story.
1341
01:24:01,162 --> 01:24:02,705
And when it happens,
1342
01:24:02,788 --> 01:24:05,291
you should call the police
before you call me.
1343
01:24:05,374 --> 01:24:06,643
No, I need to call her daughter.
1344
01:24:06,667 --> 01:24:08,210
I should call her before I call you.
1345
01:24:08,294 --> 01:24:10,713
Okay, but be careful what you say to her.
1346
01:24:10,796 --> 01:24:13,424
I had to tell the lawyer
about the situation.
1347
01:24:13,507 --> 01:24:16,093
Why do we have to go through all this,
like we're criminals?
1348
01:24:16,927 --> 01:24:19,972
Shouldn't dying people have the right
to end their lives with dignity?
1349
01:24:20,055 --> 01:24:22,391
They will, once
our teetering health system
1350
01:24:22,475 --> 01:24:23,934
completely collapses.
1351
01:25:01,096 --> 01:25:02,097
Martha?
1352
01:25:22,827 --> 01:25:23,828
Dear Ingrid,
1353
01:25:24,578 --> 01:25:26,914
today is such a beautiful day
1354
01:25:27,498 --> 01:25:30,251
that it seemed to me
it was the moment to leave.
1355
01:25:30,960 --> 01:25:34,088
It consoled me that you weren't
in the room downstairs,
1356
01:25:34,713 --> 01:25:36,966
even though that was the idea.
1357
01:25:37,049 --> 01:25:39,760
But you know I always improvise
1358
01:25:40,678 --> 01:25:42,471
and I'm almost happy that,
1359
01:25:42,555 --> 01:25:44,849
while I fade away on the lounger,
1360
01:25:45,724 --> 01:25:47,518
you're out in the world,
1361
01:25:47,601 --> 01:25:50,271
experiencing something
different to my death.
1362
01:25:51,689 --> 01:25:54,900
No one will be able
to accuse you of complicity.
1363
01:25:56,193 --> 01:25:57,778
You have accompanied me
1364
01:25:57,862 --> 01:26:01,198
as much as any human being
can accompany another.
1365
01:26:02,658 --> 01:26:05,619
Call my daughter and tell her I'm sorry.
1366
01:26:06,912 --> 01:26:09,373
And thank you, love.
1367
01:26:34,982 --> 01:26:36,025
Martha.
1368
01:26:39,695 --> 01:26:41,280
I'll do whatever you want.
1369
01:27:08,849 --> 01:27:11,518
We had dinner and then we watched
a Buster Keaton movie.
1370
01:27:11,602 --> 01:27:13,020
I told you this already.
1371
01:27:13,103 --> 01:27:15,189
And you didn't notice anything strange,
1372
01:27:15,272 --> 01:27:17,399
anything that made you suspect...
1373
01:27:19,985 --> 01:27:21,028
Try to remember.
1374
01:27:21,111 --> 01:27:24,031
I remember it perfectly,
it was a fun night.
1375
01:27:24,114 --> 01:27:26,784
There were no gestures?
Nothing she said?
1376
01:27:26,867 --> 01:27:29,703
We said goodnight
and then I went upstairs
1377
01:27:29,787 --> 01:27:32,289
and I stayed up late reading a book
1378
01:27:32,373 --> 01:27:35,000
that Martha had recommended
called Erotic Vagrancy.
1379
01:27:35,084 --> 01:27:37,836
It's about Elizabeth Taylor
and Richard Burton.
1380
01:27:37,920 --> 01:27:39,380
- Do you know it?
- No.
1381
01:27:39,463 --> 01:27:42,049
Martha and I both thought
that it was really fun.
1382
01:27:42,132 --> 01:27:44,385
Try to answer
only the questions I ask you.
1383
01:27:48,430 --> 01:27:49,870
What'd you do the following morning?
1384
01:27:52,226 --> 01:27:53,435
I had lunch with a friend.
1385
01:27:54,436 --> 01:27:56,563
And when I came back,
I called out for her
1386
01:27:56,647 --> 01:27:58,357
and when she didn't answer,
1387
01:27:58,440 --> 01:27:59,525
I went to her bedroom.
1388
01:28:00,317 --> 01:28:01,360
But she wasn't there.
1389
01:28:02,361 --> 01:28:03,654
So I went into the backyard
1390
01:28:04,279 --> 01:28:06,448
and that's when I saw her.
1391
01:28:06,532 --> 01:28:09,368
And, at first, I thought that
she was asleep on the lounge chair
1392
01:28:09,451 --> 01:28:12,287
and I got really nervous
and I called the ambulance.
1393
01:28:12,371 --> 01:28:13,789
And they got there very quickly
1394
01:28:13,872 --> 01:28:15,541
and then the EMTs saw her
1395
01:28:15,624 --> 01:28:17,960
and then they said there was nothing
that they could do.
1396
01:28:18,627 --> 01:28:20,045
Nobody buys this pill by accident
1397
01:28:20,129 --> 01:28:22,798
if they're not thinking of suicide
or killing someone,
1398
01:28:22,881 --> 01:28:24,508
so, you didn't know anything about this?
1399
01:28:24,591 --> 01:28:25,467
About what?
1400
01:28:25,551 --> 01:28:28,137
About her being in possession
of this illegal compound.
1401
01:28:28,220 --> 01:28:31,724
No. She was taking medication
for the pain,
1402
01:28:31,807 --> 01:28:33,684
you know, patches and pills, but she
1403
01:28:33,767 --> 01:28:35,894
she never shared the specifics with me.
1404
01:28:36,979 --> 01:28:38,731
It is strange that,
1405
01:28:38,814 --> 01:28:40,232
if you two were such good friends,
1406
01:28:40,315 --> 01:28:42,484
that she didn't say anything to you.
1407
01:28:43,569 --> 01:28:48,073
You can't just walk into a drugstore
and buy this pill.
1408
01:28:49,199 --> 01:28:50,659
It's very difficult to come by.
1409
01:28:52,077 --> 01:28:54,538
I think when she rented the house,
1410
01:28:55,289 --> 01:28:57,916
she already knew what she was
gonna do, right?
1411
01:28:58,000 --> 01:28:59,251
It's possible,
1412
01:28:59,918 --> 01:29:01,503
but she didn't tell me anything.
1413
01:29:02,463 --> 01:29:04,339
She was exhausted
from the last treatment
1414
01:29:04,423 --> 01:29:06,109
and she wanted to take a break
before going back
1415
01:29:06,133 --> 01:29:07,509
for the next round of chemo.
1416
01:29:08,260 --> 01:29:10,054
She wasn't the type to throw in the towel.
1417
01:29:10,137 --> 01:29:11,263
She didn't complain?
1418
01:29:12,222 --> 01:29:14,683
She didn't say anything
that made you sense
1419
01:29:16,226 --> 01:29:17,227
the end?
1420
01:29:17,978 --> 01:29:19,498
It was a great responsibility for you.
1421
01:29:20,647 --> 01:29:22,232
She complained sometimes.
1422
01:29:24,735 --> 01:29:27,529
What did she complain about?
What did she say?
1423
01:29:29,323 --> 01:29:31,366
She'd lost the capacity for attention.
1424
01:29:32,701 --> 01:29:36,455
She couldn't read or write, for example.
1425
01:29:38,624 --> 01:29:40,250
Her life was reduced to surviving.
1426
01:29:40,334 --> 01:29:43,670
You know, I find it very hard to believe
1427
01:29:43,754 --> 01:29:46,131
that she didn't say anything
that made you suspect the end.
1428
01:29:46,215 --> 01:29:48,550
It was more than evident
that she was very sick,
1429
01:29:48,634 --> 01:29:51,314
but she wanted to take a vacation
before going back to the hospital.
1430
01:29:51,345 --> 01:29:52,888
I told you this already.
1431
01:29:53,889 --> 01:29:59,061
So, we also spoke to some of
Martha's close friends.
1432
01:30:01,021 --> 01:30:04,108
In general, they all coincide
with your testimony.
1433
01:30:06,235 --> 01:30:08,946
But one of them, Stella Byrne,
1434
01:30:09,029 --> 01:30:11,532
told us that, after Martha
finished her chemotherapy,
1435
01:30:11,615 --> 01:30:14,493
that she proposed
that she accompany her
1436
01:30:14,576 --> 01:30:16,954
to a house in the country
1437
01:30:17,037 --> 01:30:19,957
where she intended to commit suicide.
1438
01:30:23,919 --> 01:30:26,130
Asked her to, and I quote...
1439
01:30:27,589 --> 01:30:28,757
"Be in the room next door."
1440
01:30:32,302 --> 01:30:33,846
And her friend refused.
1441
01:30:34,721 --> 01:30:37,891
I wasn't in the room next door,
I was in the room downstairs.
1442
01:30:37,975 --> 01:30:39,184
When I spoke to Mrs. Byrne
1443
01:30:39,268 --> 01:30:40,328
and informed her of the suicide,
1444
01:30:40,352 --> 01:30:41,728
she told me she wasn't surprised.
1445
01:30:42,688 --> 01:30:45,440
There's another word for Martha did,
it's called euthanasia.
1446
01:30:45,524 --> 01:30:47,067
Well, call it what you want,
1447
01:30:47,151 --> 01:30:50,779
but, for me, what your friend
did is a crime
1448
01:30:50,863 --> 01:30:53,949
and, as a policeman, as a human being,
1449
01:30:54,032 --> 01:30:55,075
as a man of faith,
1450
01:30:56,535 --> 01:30:59,121
I'm radically opposed
to anyone committing a crime.
1451
01:31:00,497 --> 01:31:02,541
And, of course, anyone aiding
and abetting in one.
1452
01:31:15,512 --> 01:31:17,806
Damian, can you come down
to the police station, please?
1453
01:31:18,515 --> 01:31:19,516
This is endless.
1454
01:31:19,600 --> 01:31:23,103
How do you explain
that your friend Martha
1455
01:31:23,187 --> 01:31:24,771
was so explicit with Mrs. Byrne
1456
01:31:24,855 --> 01:31:27,136
and yet she didn't tell you
anything about her intentions?
1457
01:31:27,191 --> 01:31:28,901
I'm not gonna say another word.
1458
01:31:28,984 --> 01:31:31,278
If I'm under arrest,
then tell me the charges.
1459
01:31:31,361 --> 01:31:33,322
Otherwise, I'll wait
in the hall for my lawyer.
1460
01:31:33,405 --> 01:31:34,656
Very foresighted of you.
1461
01:31:34,740 --> 01:31:36,259
What made you think
you'd need a lawyer?
1462
01:31:36,283 --> 01:31:39,161
Why don't you ask your friend,
he witnessed the interrogation.
1463
01:31:40,120 --> 01:31:42,706
I think you're lying.
1464
01:31:44,333 --> 01:31:46,453
And that you're the kind of person
who wouldn't say no
1465
01:31:46,501 --> 01:31:49,004
if a friend asked you
for help committing suicide.
1466
01:31:51,548 --> 01:31:52,674
Let her go.
1467
01:32:01,725 --> 01:32:02,726
Hey.
1468
01:32:03,310 --> 01:32:04,770
- Hi.
- Hi.
1469
01:32:04,853 --> 01:32:06,855
- How are you?
- I'm okay.
1470
01:32:07,397 --> 01:32:09,233
This is my lawyer, Sarah.
1471
01:32:09,316 --> 01:32:11,068
- Hi. Pleasure.
- Thank you for coming.
1472
01:32:11,151 --> 01:32:12,653
Of course. Damian's filled me in.
1473
01:32:12,736 --> 01:32:14,936
Is there anything I should know
about the interrogation?
1474
01:32:14,988 --> 01:32:16,823
Well, he treated me like I was the killer.
1475
01:32:16,907 --> 01:32:18,659
- But you were with me.
- He doesn't care.
1476
01:32:18,742 --> 01:32:20,118
He insists that I'm implicated.
1477
01:32:20,202 --> 01:32:21,245
Okay, but...
1478
01:32:21,328 --> 01:32:23,747
He spoke to a friend
of Martha, Stella Byrne,
1479
01:32:23,830 --> 01:32:25,791
who said that Martha
had approached her first
1480
01:32:25,874 --> 01:32:27,251
and she refused to help her.
1481
01:32:27,334 --> 01:32:29,253
Okay, well, I'm sure
everything was recorded.
1482
01:32:29,336 --> 01:32:30,671
Mm-hmm.
1483
01:32:30,754 --> 01:32:33,840
Um, and this police officer
witnessed everything.
1484
01:32:33,924 --> 01:32:35,133
You can come in now.
1485
01:32:35,217 --> 01:32:36,843
I'll go in alone. I'm her attorney.
1486
01:32:38,804 --> 01:32:40,472
Don't worry, this is all very clear.
1487
01:32:42,808 --> 01:32:43,976
Thank you for coming.
1488
01:32:44,059 --> 01:32:45,227
My pleasure.
1489
01:32:45,852 --> 01:32:48,063
Jesus! What an asshole!
1490
01:32:48,146 --> 01:32:49,786
I've never been treated like that before.
1491
01:32:50,816 --> 01:32:53,296
You were unlucky enough
to come up against a religious fanatic,
1492
01:32:53,360 --> 01:32:54,754
but he's not gonna bother you again.
1493
01:32:54,778 --> 01:32:55,988
I'm gonna file a complaint.
1494
01:32:56,071 --> 01:32:58,198
Thank you so much for everything.
1495
01:32:58,282 --> 01:33:00,325
You still need to be available
for the next 48 hours
1496
01:33:00,409 --> 01:33:02,244
until forensic formalities are done.
1497
01:33:03,245 --> 01:33:05,289
Um, I told them to call me if necessary.
1498
01:33:05,372 --> 01:33:06,373
I'll be at the house.
1499
01:33:06,456 --> 01:33:07,850
Do you have
all the information you need?
1500
01:33:07,874 --> 01:33:09,126
Yes, Damian gave it to me.
1501
01:33:09,918 --> 01:33:12,045
Just give me a call
if anything comes up, okay?
1502
01:33:12,129 --> 01:33:13,714
I'm gonna head back to the office.
1503
01:33:13,797 --> 01:33:15,037
I'm really sorry for your loss.
1504
01:33:15,090 --> 01:33:16,383
- Thank you.
- Thanks, Sarah.
1505
01:33:16,466 --> 01:33:17,467
Bye.
1506
01:33:18,385 --> 01:33:20,178
I can't believe Stella told him that.
1507
01:33:20,262 --> 01:33:21,489
Well, he probably cornered her,
1508
01:33:21,513 --> 01:33:23,807
and they have Martha's computer
and her cell phone.
1509
01:33:23,890 --> 01:33:24,933
Mm.
1510
01:33:25,017 --> 01:33:26,077
Do you know if they talked?
1511
01:33:26,101 --> 01:33:28,937
No, I don't know,
she didn't tell me anything.
1512
01:33:30,105 --> 01:33:31,481
What do you wanna do?
1513
01:33:31,565 --> 01:33:34,109
I need to go back to the house
and pack up Martha's things.
1514
01:33:34,192 --> 01:33:36,111
Sorry.
1515
01:33:37,654 --> 01:33:38,655
Hello?
1516
01:33:39,281 --> 01:33:40,532
Uh, speaking.
1517
01:33:42,617 --> 01:33:43,952
It's Michelle.
1518
01:33:44,036 --> 01:33:45,203
Martha's daughter?
1519
01:33:46,038 --> 01:33:47,247
Yes, of course.
1520
01:33:47,331 --> 01:33:49,416
No, no, of course you can come over.
1521
01:33:49,499 --> 01:33:52,753
I'm headed there right now.
I'll text you the address.
1522
01:33:54,129 --> 01:33:56,214
Okay, I'll see you soon. Bye.
1523
01:33:58,216 --> 01:34:00,927
Wow. Wow.
1524
01:34:01,011 --> 01:34:02,971
I'm headed back to the city,
1525
01:34:03,055 --> 01:34:05,891
so tell me when you're back
and I'll help you with your move.
1526
01:34:07,059 --> 01:34:08,977
Thank you for everything.
1527
01:34:11,813 --> 01:34:14,066
And you can tell me
how it went with Michelle.
1528
01:34:14,691 --> 01:34:15,691
I will.
1529
01:34:17,569 --> 01:34:19,780
- Thanks. I'll call you, okay?
- Okay. Take care.
1530
01:34:53,480 --> 01:34:54,731
Hello, I'm Michelle.
1531
01:34:55,607 --> 01:34:56,608
I'm Ingrid.
1532
01:34:57,734 --> 01:34:58,734
Hi.
1533
01:35:02,155 --> 01:35:03,907
Let's go inside, okay?
1534
01:35:03,990 --> 01:35:04,990
Yeah.
1535
01:35:08,036 --> 01:35:09,037
Come on in.
1536
01:35:15,252 --> 01:35:16,962
Do you wanna see your mother's room?
1537
01:35:17,045 --> 01:35:18,213
Yes, please.
1538
01:35:18,797 --> 01:35:20,674
It's right down there. Right down the hall.
1539
01:35:48,785 --> 01:35:50,245
I made some coffee.
1540
01:35:50,328 --> 01:35:51,621
Would you like some?
1541
01:35:51,705 --> 01:35:53,373
Uh, I also have tea.
1542
01:35:53,457 --> 01:35:55,125
No, coffee's great. Thank you.
1543
01:35:55,917 --> 01:35:56,918
Here you go.
1544
01:36:01,506 --> 01:36:02,799
Did she tell you about me?
1545
01:36:02,883 --> 01:36:04,259
Of course she did.
1546
01:36:06,219 --> 01:36:09,598
And she told me you were very upset
that you never met your father.
1547
01:36:10,557 --> 01:36:12,017
So she told you about my father?
1548
01:36:12,100 --> 01:36:13,477
She did.
1549
01:36:14,561 --> 01:36:16,605
Don't you think
she could have helped him
1550
01:36:16,688 --> 01:36:18,023
when he came back from the war?
1551
01:36:18,607 --> 01:36:21,109
She helped him as best she could.
1552
01:36:21,193 --> 01:36:24,279
Your father came back
very badly damaged
1553
01:36:24,362 --> 01:36:27,032
and he wanted to move to another city
and start a new life.
1554
01:36:27,115 --> 01:36:30,285
His plans never included you or Martha.
1555
01:36:30,994 --> 01:36:34,706
And your mother accepted
the end of the relationship and...
1556
01:36:36,082 --> 01:36:37,792
And she saw him in such a bad way
1557
01:36:37,876 --> 01:36:40,003
that she gave him a kiss
to give him some peace
1558
01:36:40,086 --> 01:36:42,297
and that kiss turned
into something more.
1559
01:36:44,382 --> 01:36:46,259
And you are the fruit of that moment.
1560
01:36:47,844 --> 01:36:50,639
My mother never told me
anything about that.
1561
01:36:50,722 --> 01:36:52,891
It's a difficult thing to explain to a child.
1562
01:36:52,974 --> 01:36:54,601
She could have told me later.
1563
01:36:55,644 --> 01:36:56,978
By then you were so estranged
1564
01:36:57,062 --> 01:36:58,939
that she didn't feel
it was possible anymore.
1565
01:37:00,398 --> 01:37:02,567
She was a teenager,
1566
01:37:02,651 --> 01:37:03,902
she had a life to live,
1567
01:37:03,985 --> 01:37:08,073
and your father moved to San Diego
and he made no effort to know you.
1568
01:37:19,167 --> 01:37:20,418
So, Ingrid,
1569
01:37:22,379 --> 01:37:25,590
do you think I was totally mistaken
about Martha?
1570
01:37:26,675 --> 01:37:27,926
You were unfair,
1571
01:37:29,594 --> 01:37:32,806
but no one can blame you
for wanting to know who your father was.
1572
01:37:35,850 --> 01:37:37,227
It's a sad story,
1573
01:37:37,310 --> 01:37:39,187
it was very painful for both of you.
1574
01:37:43,024 --> 01:37:44,901
Don't be so hard on yourself,
1575
01:37:44,985 --> 01:37:46,528
Martha wasn't the perfect mother.
1576
01:37:48,196 --> 01:37:49,489
No, she wasn't.
1577
01:37:54,119 --> 01:37:55,787
Can I stay here tonight?
1578
01:37:55,870 --> 01:37:58,707
Yes, of course.
This is your mother's house!
1579
01:38:02,544 --> 01:38:03,587
Dear Martha,
1580
01:38:04,796 --> 01:38:07,674
I thought you'd like to know
I've come back to the house in the woods
1581
01:38:07,757 --> 01:38:09,259
to gather up your things.
1582
01:38:11,553 --> 01:38:13,263
Your daughter came to see me.
1583
01:38:14,139 --> 01:38:15,682
I'm still shaking.
1584
01:38:16,725 --> 01:38:18,435
She looks so like you.
1585
01:38:19,603 --> 01:38:22,355
She asked me if she could stay
and sleep in your bed,
1586
01:38:23,064 --> 01:38:24,649
and, of course, I said yes.
1587
01:38:26,776 --> 01:38:29,070
I think your death
has brought her closer to you.
1588
01:38:33,074 --> 01:38:35,118
I never thought I'd inherit her,
1589
01:38:35,952 --> 01:38:37,954
even if it's just for a day.
1590
01:38:39,122 --> 01:38:41,374
The house is filled with you.
1591
01:38:44,336 --> 01:38:46,921
When I came in,
after talking to the police,
1592
01:38:48,131 --> 01:38:50,508
the first thing I saw
was the door of your room,
1593
01:38:52,052 --> 01:38:53,511
and it was open.
1594
01:38:54,721 --> 01:38:57,891
And I said to myself, "She's alive."
1595
01:39:31,758 --> 01:39:33,802
I came out here to listen to the birds.
1596
01:39:36,513 --> 01:39:38,306
Your mother would get up like this,
1597
01:39:39,516 --> 01:39:40,809
at dawn,
1598
01:39:42,018 --> 01:39:43,018
and lie right there.
1599
01:39:48,692 --> 01:39:51,403
Look, it's snowing.
1600
01:40:00,453 --> 01:40:01,788
The snow is falling.
1601
01:40:04,457 --> 01:40:05,834
It's falling on the lonely pool
1602
01:40:05,917 --> 01:40:07,210
we never used.
1603
01:40:09,421 --> 01:40:10,839
It's falling on the woods,
1604
01:40:11,923 --> 01:40:14,092
where we walked and you lay,
1605
01:40:14,175 --> 01:40:16,553
exhausted, on the ground.
1606
01:40:19,264 --> 01:40:21,474
Falling on your daughter and on me.
1607
01:40:24,853 --> 01:40:26,563
Falling upon the living and the dead.