1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:07,350 --> 00:00:12,330 I got a DNA test done just 3 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 4 00:00:12,330 --> 00:00:13,350 to check, you know, 5 00:00:15,720 --> 00:00:17,460 and it was one of these 23 6 00:00:17,460 --> 00:00:21,480 and me ancestry.com things, you know, these things that 7 00:00:22,725 --> 00:00:25,380 white people tend to do when they want 8 00:00:25,380 --> 00:00:26,935 to feel more interesting. 9 00:00:26,935 --> 00:00:29,610 And it's also a very good way to find out 10 00:00:29,610 --> 00:00:32,790 where your grandfather went on his gap year. 11 00:00:32,790 --> 00:00:33,623 And 12 00:00:39,360 --> 00:00:41,430 I got it done mostly because I was curious, you know, 13 00:00:41,430 --> 00:00:44,220 because Sri Lanka we're quite an isolated little island, 14 00:00:44,220 --> 00:00:46,620 but we have had quite a few 15 00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:50,850 visitors over the years. 16 00:00:51,750 --> 00:00:54,660 And not just Europeans, not everything is about you. 17 00:00:56,430 --> 00:00:59,220 We've had the Chinese, we've had the Persians, 18 00:00:59,220 --> 00:01:02,670 we've had the Indians a few too many times, 19 00:01:02,670 --> 00:01:07,670 and Sri Lanka in the age of conquest was much like 20 00:01:08,070 --> 00:01:09,720 Britney Spears in the nineties 21 00:01:11,010 --> 00:01:13,470 where everyone liked us a bit too much for our own good. 22 00:01:17,010 --> 00:01:20,910 And Sri Lanka now is also much like 23 00:01:20,910 --> 00:01:23,675 Britney Spears now 24 00:01:30,120 --> 00:01:33,240 in that we are not in the news quite as often, 25 00:01:33,240 --> 00:01:36,360 but when we are, it is rarely for a good reason. 26 00:01:39,180 --> 00:01:40,530 And so I got this thing done 27 00:01:40,530 --> 00:01:42,810 and the results were quite terribly boring. 28 00:01:42,810 --> 00:01:44,850 It turns out that I am 29 00:01:44,850 --> 00:01:48,870 99.95% Sri Lankan. 30 00:01:50,910 --> 00:01:53,910 So wondered what a pure Sri looks like. This is, this is it. 31 00:01:53,910 --> 00:01:58,620 I guess apparently the remaining 0.05% 32 00:01:58,620 --> 00:02:01,170 is Congolese, 33 00:02:02,970 --> 00:02:07,830 and I'm not sure how that got there. 34 00:02:12,240 --> 00:02:15,750 I am not entirely sure which, which part of me that is, 35 00:02:17,820 --> 00:02:22,140 but it is certainly not where I might prefer it to be. 36 00:02:30,930 --> 00:02:32,160 I apologize. I'm not, I'm not 37 00:02:32,160 --> 00:02:33,780 usually a dick joke kind of guy. 38 00:02:33,780 --> 00:02:37,950 But you, you do have to whip one out every now 39 00:02:37,950 --> 00:02:41,400 and again, I like 40 00:02:41,400 --> 00:02:43,740 to consider myself a relatively, I, 41 00:02:43,740 --> 00:02:45,090 I'd say progressive person, 42 00:02:45,090 --> 00:02:47,670 but sometimes the vocabulary of being 43 00:02:47,670 --> 00:02:51,420 as such frustrates me somewhat, especially as it pertains 44 00:02:51,420 --> 00:02:53,820 to groups that I am a part of. 45 00:02:53,820 --> 00:02:55,680 I say there used to be this term 46 00:02:55,680 --> 00:02:58,020 for poorer countries like Sri Lanka, 47 00:02:58,020 --> 00:03:00,040 they're called third world countries. 48 00:03:00,040 --> 00:03:03,850 And it always felt a bit mean, but I never minded it 49 00:03:03,850 --> 00:03:06,730 because it also felt honest about how the rest 50 00:03:06,730 --> 00:03:08,800 of the world feels about us. 51 00:03:09,760 --> 00:03:12,670 Whereas now there seems to be some attempt to replace it 52 00:03:12,670 --> 00:03:14,500 with a nicer sounding term. 53 00:03:14,500 --> 00:03:17,740 You might have heard the the global south 54 00:03:17,740 --> 00:03:19,720 because they want to make it sound like it's the 55 00:03:19,720 --> 00:03:21,040 geography that fucked us. 56 00:03:23,380 --> 00:03:25,720 What I don't like about it is 57 00:03:25,720 --> 00:03:27,610 that it doesn't really make much sense. 58 00:03:27,610 --> 00:03:31,930 Say India, for example, is in the Northern Hemisphere, 59 00:03:31,930 --> 00:03:36,160 but is a part of the global south, whereas 60 00:03:37,360 --> 00:03:42,190 Australia is about as far south as you can go 61 00:03:43,690 --> 00:03:45,670 and is not a part of the global south. 62 00:03:45,670 --> 00:03:49,690 So to remedy this inconsistency, I propose 63 00:03:49,690 --> 00:03:51,850 an alternative classification method, 64 00:03:54,040 --> 00:03:55,570 non eurovision countries 65 00:04:00,010 --> 00:04:01,510 and, and Eurovision countries. 66 00:04:02,500 --> 00:04:04,990 So as to say, countries with dignity 67 00:04:04,990 --> 00:04:05,823 and 68 00:04:10,450 --> 00:04:12,250 those with enough money to no longer need it. 69 00:04:12,250 --> 00:04:15,130 Congratulations. Done very well for yourselves. 70 00:04:16,960 --> 00:04:18,310 And the other one I don't like very much 71 00:04:18,310 --> 00:04:19,450 is in many ways the big one. 72 00:04:19,450 --> 00:04:22,030 It's the, it is the phrase people of color 73 00:04:22,030 --> 00:04:25,180 where I understand it's it's utility to say, 74 00:04:25,180 --> 00:04:26,350 describe the shared experience 75 00:04:26,350 --> 00:04:28,720 of everyone in the world that isn't white. 76 00:04:28,720 --> 00:04:33,280 I get that, but what rubs me the wrong way about it. 77 00:04:33,280 --> 00:04:37,240 It's just the phrasing. People of color seems to suggest 78 00:04:38,110 --> 00:04:39,340 that there are people 79 00:04:40,540 --> 00:04:43,240 and then there's us, 80 00:04:45,220 --> 00:04:49,390 and technically there are more 81 00:04:50,320 --> 00:04:51,640 of us, 82 00:04:53,530 --> 00:04:57,340 so maybe we should be people. 83 00:05:00,100 --> 00:05:02,380 And y'all can be people without color 84 00:05:02,380 --> 00:05:04,660 or so it doesn't feel very nice. 85 00:05:04,660 --> 00:05:05,710 It's a big condescending, 86 00:05:11,495 --> 00:05:12,328 of course. 87 00:05:12,328 --> 00:05:14,200 I, I I would not truly wish that upon you. 88 00:05:16,035 --> 00:05:17,590 I I would like to live in a world 89 00:05:17,590 --> 00:05:19,480 where we're all just people, white people too. 90 00:05:19,480 --> 00:05:21,070 Hey, listen, white people are people too. 91 00:05:21,070 --> 00:05:25,660 Someone had to say, I would die on this here. 92 00:05:25,660 --> 00:05:28,180 Far too many of you have begun paying money to see me. 93 00:05:28,180 --> 00:05:33,160 For some reason, I did some shows back home in 94 00:05:33,160 --> 00:05:35,320 Sri Lanka earlier last year, 95 00:05:35,320 --> 00:05:38,170 and they went all right, I did not get arrested. 96 00:05:39,550 --> 00:05:42,640 And that was the main goal. And 97 00:05:42,640 --> 00:05:44,890 after one of them, this man came up to me 98 00:05:44,890 --> 00:05:46,120 and he was being very sweet. 99 00:05:46,120 --> 00:05:49,630 He said, oh, it's so nice of you to come back home 100 00:05:49,630 --> 00:05:52,300 to Sri Lanka and do, do shows here 101 00:05:52,300 --> 00:05:54,760 and give back to your country in this way. 102 00:05:54,760 --> 00:05:56,620 And I had to reassure him 103 00:05:56,620 --> 00:05:59,060 that I was very much being paid to be there. 104 00:06:01,580 --> 00:06:04,010 And it also made me think about what he said of giving back 105 00:06:04,010 --> 00:06:06,890 to my country where that seems to imply 106 00:06:09,050 --> 00:06:12,800 that my country has given something to me to begin with. 107 00:06:14,960 --> 00:06:17,360 I thought about what, what growing up in Sri Lanka really 108 00:06:17,360 --> 00:06:19,670 has given me as a person. 109 00:06:19,670 --> 00:06:21,320 And really the strongest, 110 00:06:21,320 --> 00:06:24,440 most prominent thing it has given me is 111 00:06:25,550 --> 00:06:27,800 an intense will to leave and never come back. 112 00:06:29,300 --> 00:06:30,380 And that's worked out all right. 113 00:06:31,970 --> 00:06:34,070 But also I, I don't wanna shit talk my 114 00:06:34,070 --> 00:06:35,270 own home country that much. 115 00:06:35,270 --> 00:06:37,850 I think that's more of a me problem than a Sri Lanka 116 00:06:37,850 --> 00:06:39,050 problem, if that makes sense. 117 00:06:39,050 --> 00:06:40,280 I think me, the person 118 00:06:40,280 --> 00:06:43,640 that I am wherever I I was born would've wanted 119 00:06:43,640 --> 00:06:45,050 to leave that place. 120 00:06:45,050 --> 00:06:47,210 You know, if I were to separate people in the world, 121 00:06:47,210 --> 00:06:49,520 into two separate groups, always a great idea. 122 00:06:49,520 --> 00:06:54,350 I would, I would separate them 123 00:06:54,350 --> 00:06:58,370 into people that leave and people that stay. 124 00:06:58,370 --> 00:07:01,790 And I am of course very biased in this opinion, 125 00:07:01,790 --> 00:07:04,970 but I do believe that people that leave 126 00:07:06,080 --> 00:07:07,970 are objectively better in almost every way. 127 00:07:14,360 --> 00:07:16,370 If you were here and you like my stuff, you, 128 00:07:16,370 --> 00:07:17,960 you're very likely a person that left. 129 00:07:17,960 --> 00:07:21,260 And I want you to know That you are right to do so. 130 00:07:23,465 --> 00:07:27,350 And if you are a person that stayed 131 00:07:27,350 --> 00:07:29,990 that somehow ended up here very likely 132 00:07:29,990 --> 00:07:32,630 because you're much cooler friend invited you along, 133 00:07:34,610 --> 00:07:37,645 I want you to know that it's not all bad being you, 134 00:07:37,645 --> 00:07:40,400 you know, because even though, 135 00:07:41,900 --> 00:07:45,560 even though we are so much more interesting than you, 136 00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:50,510 we all are generally far happier than we will ever be. 137 00:07:50,510 --> 00:07:51,740 So it balances out, you know, 138 00:07:54,465 --> 00:07:57,965 and when I say leave, I do mean like a big leave. 139 00:07:57,965 --> 00:08:01,640 I, I, I think it grow as a person in a very specific way 140 00:08:01,640 --> 00:08:04,550 to be out in the world by yourself outside of the context 141 00:08:04,550 --> 00:08:06,140 that you grew up with. 142 00:08:06,140 --> 00:08:07,310 And in a way 143 00:08:07,310 --> 00:08:10,310 that doesn't necessarily happen when you say move from the 144 00:08:10,310 --> 00:08:13,940 small town in your country to the big city in your country 145 00:08:13,940 --> 00:08:16,310 or you move to the country next door. 146 00:08:16,310 --> 00:08:18,860 Even like I was around a group of people in London, 147 00:08:18,860 --> 00:08:21,710 I didn't know that well, and there was a woman from Italy 148 00:08:21,710 --> 00:08:25,940 there who had just recently moved from Rome to London 149 00:08:25,940 --> 00:08:28,910 and she was saying about like, yeah, it's really, 150 00:08:30,020 --> 00:08:32,120 it's really hard to be an immigrant to the uk. 151 00:08:38,510 --> 00:08:40,550 And then she found my eyes in the circle 152 00:08:41,750 --> 00:08:43,100 and said, like us, 153 00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:48,650 I said, listen Ben, now I'm sorry 154 00:08:48,650 --> 00:08:52,340 but have you moved from one Eurovision country 155 00:08:52,340 --> 00:08:56,850 to another Eurovision you are 156 00:08:56,850 --> 00:09:00,390 technically an immigrant and perfectly within your rights 157 00:09:00,390 --> 00:09:02,280 to refer to yourself as such. 158 00:09:03,240 --> 00:09:06,930 But please understand there is no us 159 00:09:08,280 --> 00:09:10,110 if you ever use the machine to go 160 00:09:10,110 --> 00:09:12,480 through passport control at the airport. 161 00:09:12,480 --> 00:09:17,480 No us unless you know 162 00:09:17,610 --> 00:09:22,260 a passport control officer by name, face and finger know us. 163 00:09:26,640 --> 00:09:28,290 People say this thing, right, that 164 00:09:29,490 --> 00:09:33,480 everyone has a moment growing up when you realize 165 00:09:33,480 --> 00:09:36,150 that your parents are just people too. 166 00:09:37,740 --> 00:09:39,810 I think that's very true. I think 167 00:09:39,810 --> 00:09:42,090 what people don't say quite enough is 168 00:09:42,090 --> 00:09:45,990 that if you are extra lucky, you might have a second moment 169 00:09:45,990 --> 00:09:48,180 where you realize that your parents 170 00:09:49,470 --> 00:09:51,540 are particularly shitty people. 171 00:09:56,585 --> 00:09:58,080 And I feel that way about mine 172 00:10:01,500 --> 00:10:05,010 and when I, when I express this sentiment to certain people, 173 00:10:05,010 --> 00:10:07,380 usually people that are closer to their families, 174 00:10:07,380 --> 00:10:09,180 they'll say, they'll be get upset at me. 175 00:10:09,180 --> 00:10:11,310 They'll say like, oh, how could you say that 176 00:10:11,310 --> 00:10:14,400 they're your parents, they made you who you are. 177 00:10:14,400 --> 00:10:16,470 And that is my problem. Exactly. 178 00:10:19,380 --> 00:10:20,460 I have spent the bulk 179 00:10:20,460 --> 00:10:22,500 of my adult life undoing their fine work 180 00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:32,850 and I would get into it with them a lot and 181 00:10:32,850 --> 00:10:37,260 and their main defense for their behavior was that they, 182 00:10:37,260 --> 00:10:38,700 that they tried their best. 183 00:10:39,630 --> 00:10:42,480 Which I understand, you know, sometimes you try your best 184 00:10:42,480 --> 00:10:44,550 and you fall short and that happens, that's life. 185 00:10:45,420 --> 00:10:48,570 But I do feel that with certain things, 186 00:10:49,500 --> 00:10:50,850 if you try your best 187 00:10:52,080 --> 00:10:56,910 and you still fuck up, you are a fuck up. 188 00:10:56,910 --> 00:10:57,885 No, it's fine. It's 189 00:11:01,890 --> 00:11:03,480 anything where lives are on the line, 190 00:11:03,480 --> 00:11:06,630 especially you parenting definitely lives are on the line At 191 00:11:06,630 --> 00:11:08,730 any profession where lives are on the line, 192 00:11:08,730 --> 00:11:13,110 surgeons don't get to try their best submarine. 193 00:11:13,110 --> 00:11:17,460 Designers, pilots are a very easy example. 194 00:11:17,460 --> 00:11:20,160 Pilots that tried their best fly for R now 195 00:11:23,310 --> 00:11:25,290 and those planes are no one's first choice, 196 00:11:25,290 --> 00:11:26,580 not yours and not theirs. 197 00:11:33,105 --> 00:11:36,660 And people will all often use all sorts of excuses 198 00:11:36,660 --> 00:11:39,480 to justify staying in a bad family situation. 199 00:11:39,480 --> 00:11:42,660 Usually along the lines of logic, that family's family, 200 00:11:42,660 --> 00:11:45,480 no matter what my favorite out of all of them is this, 201 00:11:45,480 --> 00:11:50,370 Fraser blood is thicker than water and it is true. 202 00:11:51,300 --> 00:11:56,290 Blood is thicker than water, but so is shit. 203 00:12:01,240 --> 00:12:04,990 You wouldn't catch me fucking my plumber anytime soon. 204 00:12:08,710 --> 00:12:12,100 So I haven't spoken to either of my parents in 205 00:12:13,270 --> 00:12:15,160 a little more than two years now 206 00:12:15,160 --> 00:12:18,280 and someone just, oh, please don't, you know. 207 00:12:18,280 --> 00:12:20,500 'cause when I tell people this in life, 208 00:12:20,500 --> 00:12:24,760 they'll often react like I just told them a sad thing. 209 00:12:26,410 --> 00:12:29,320 And that is only because y'all do not know my parents. 210 00:12:30,970 --> 00:12:34,810 And to be fair, I did not do it in the best way necessarily. 211 00:12:34,810 --> 00:12:37,180 I just sort of slowly faded out of the i 212 00:12:39,160 --> 00:12:41,050 I ghosted my parents is what I'm trying to say. 213 00:12:42,345 --> 00:12:43,540 And I think 214 00:12:43,540 --> 00:12:48,130 because of that though, both my dad especially act like 215 00:12:49,120 --> 00:12:51,610 weird exes that haven't quite gotten the message 216 00:12:53,080 --> 00:12:54,580 where it used to be that every three, 217 00:12:54,580 --> 00:12:58,810 four months I'd get a message from my dad at 4:00 AM on a 218 00:12:58,810 --> 00:13:01,570 Saturday, just hi, 219 00:13:04,120 --> 00:13:07,330 45 minutes later thinking about you. 220 00:13:08,980 --> 00:13:11,650 And so I would try to match his energy 221 00:13:12,610 --> 00:13:15,280 and replied, what are you wearing? 222 00:13:23,410 --> 00:13:27,220 And that stopped the message is that you can use that. 223 00:13:27,220 --> 00:13:28,210 That's for all of this. 224 00:13:34,450 --> 00:13:38,770 I've been doing this now for almost 10 years 225 00:13:39,730 --> 00:13:43,000 and it's only been in the last two years 226 00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:45,520 or so that people have begun 227 00:13:47,080 --> 00:13:48,580 willingly paying to see me. 228 00:13:50,080 --> 00:13:52,240 Prior to that it was mostly trickery 229 00:13:52,240 --> 00:13:55,030 and coercion and it's been very nice. 230 00:13:55,030 --> 00:13:57,880 It's been nice that people come see, see the show. 231 00:13:57,880 --> 00:14:00,880 And it's also been fun to see who comes, you know, 232 00:14:00,880 --> 00:14:02,470 and it's sort of like, look at the crowd. 233 00:14:02,470 --> 00:14:03,490 You're like, oh, I talk about this 234 00:14:03,490 --> 00:14:04,750 or these people or this sort of thing. 235 00:14:06,730 --> 00:14:07,780 And I'm mostly happy. 236 00:14:10,420 --> 00:14:14,830 There are a few demographics that do wor worry me somewhat. 237 00:14:16,120 --> 00:14:17,650 And this is in two parts. 238 00:14:17,650 --> 00:14:19,690 The second is a more written joke 239 00:14:19,690 --> 00:14:21,520 and the first is just, there's something I need 240 00:14:21,520 --> 00:14:25,900 to get off my chest that for whatever reason, 241 00:14:27,040 --> 00:14:31,240 there seemed to be a very prominent 242 00:14:31,240 --> 00:14:36,010 contingent of yoga instructors 243 00:14:41,170 --> 00:14:43,385 that connect with my work. 244 00:14:43,385 --> 00:14:44,218 And 245 00:14:53,930 --> 00:14:55,160 I'm not sure what you think it is. 246 00:14:55,160 --> 00:14:59,480 I do exactly. I I don't know. 247 00:14:59,480 --> 00:15:00,650 I've never spoken about yoga. 248 00:15:00,650 --> 00:15:02,930 I don't know what I've done to incur the 249 00:15:02,930 --> 00:15:03,950 wrath of your people. 250 00:15:05,900 --> 00:15:07,370 I'm aware, but I, what I look like. 251 00:15:07,370 --> 00:15:10,100 But even so, you know, even so, no, 252 00:15:11,630 --> 00:15:16,040 it does not justify this behavior at any given show. 253 00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:18,440 There will be more yoga instructors 254 00:15:18,440 --> 00:15:19,610 than there are Sri Lankans. 255 00:15:19,610 --> 00:15:20,450 And that is odd. It's 256 00:15:21,545 --> 00:15:24,770 odd and it keeps me up. 257 00:15:30,470 --> 00:15:33,890 Other thing I've noticed, there's very few, I say 258 00:15:33,890 --> 00:15:35,990 relatively, at least most of the immigrants that come 259 00:15:35,990 --> 00:15:37,790 and see me is a lot of immigrants that come and see me. 260 00:15:37,790 --> 00:15:41,570 Most of y'all are not to be mean to the latter group, 261 00:15:41,570 --> 00:15:44,540 but real immigrants, you know, you got yourselves here. 262 00:15:44,540 --> 00:15:47,010 There's very few, let's say children of immigrants. 263 00:15:47,010 --> 00:15:48,080 You came over with your parents 264 00:15:48,080 --> 00:15:49,280 and dated all the work for you. 265 00:15:51,545 --> 00:15:52,910 And I think most of the reasons, 266 00:15:52,910 --> 00:15:57,410 'cause I say shit like that, but I get it. 267 00:15:57,410 --> 00:16:00,200 You know, like if you, if you are say like a Sri Laan in my 268 00:16:00,200 --> 00:16:02,300 ca like grew up out here, 269 00:16:03,445 --> 00:16:05,750 I get why I'd be a weird thing for, 270 00:16:05,750 --> 00:16:08,300 'cause I sort of like have the same worldview as you, 271 00:16:08,300 --> 00:16:11,570 but there's an anger behind my eyes 272 00:16:12,710 --> 00:16:14,060 that reminds you of your dad. 273 00:16:20,780 --> 00:16:24,110 And something in my words that suggests that 274 00:16:24,110 --> 00:16:25,670 I do not respect your struggle. 275 00:16:28,250 --> 00:16:31,310 And you're right, I do not. And I don't think I should. 276 00:16:33,110 --> 00:16:36,260 It's also funny for me that when I meet, 277 00:16:36,260 --> 00:16:38,210 say like Sri Lai grew out here generally, 278 00:16:38,210 --> 00:16:40,040 even South Asians, I grew up out here. 279 00:16:40,040 --> 00:16:43,070 You all are often far more conservative 280 00:16:43,070 --> 00:16:44,300 than we are back home. 281 00:16:44,300 --> 00:16:47,360 And the only thing I can think of as a reason for that is 282 00:16:47,360 --> 00:16:49,130 that say your parents moved over here in the seventies 283 00:16:49,130 --> 00:16:51,530 or the eighties, they kept that version of the culture, 284 00:16:51,530 --> 00:16:53,840 you know, and, and raised you with that. 285 00:16:53,840 --> 00:16:55,730 Like I have a friend out here in, not Sri Lankan, he's, 286 00:16:56,780 --> 00:16:58,640 he's a, grew up in London 287 00:16:58,640 --> 00:17:01,880 but in very tight knit Indian Rahi community. 288 00:17:01,880 --> 00:17:04,490 And he is my age 30 years old and, 289 00:17:04,490 --> 00:17:07,220 and celibate by mostly his own choice. 290 00:17:08,625 --> 00:17:09,710 And I was speaking to him like, 291 00:17:09,710 --> 00:17:11,810 well this is a very intense decision you're 292 00:17:11,810 --> 00:17:12,860 making about your life. 293 00:17:12,860 --> 00:17:14,480 Goes, I don't you want to live 294 00:17:14,480 --> 00:17:16,190 with a little bit more freedom? 295 00:17:16,190 --> 00:17:19,940 And he said, no, you know, I want to be true to my culture 296 00:17:19,940 --> 00:17:22,640 and do things the way my family would've done 297 00:17:22,640 --> 00:17:23,990 them back home. 298 00:17:23,990 --> 00:17:26,600 And his family is from Mumbai 299 00:17:28,255 --> 00:17:32,240 and that is a city that makes London look 300 00:17:32,240 --> 00:17:33,320 small and provincial. 301 00:17:35,990 --> 00:17:38,720 And I tried to explain to him, if you, 302 00:17:38,720 --> 00:17:41,330 if you grew up in Mumbai, you would've likely lost your 303 00:17:41,330 --> 00:17:46,070 virgin at 16 to your A level French teacher 304 00:17:49,590 --> 00:17:51,360 while her husband washed or something. 305 00:17:53,220 --> 00:17:56,310 And he said, that is an awfully specific example. 306 00:17:56,310 --> 00:18:00,180 And I said, this ain't about me. I'm just a 307 00:18:00,180 --> 00:18:01,650 very creative person. 308 00:18:01,650 --> 00:18:04,320 Don't, don't read too much into the stories 309 00:18:11,325 --> 00:18:13,230 I got called a packy in public recently. 310 00:18:14,370 --> 00:18:15,780 It was strange. It was strange. 311 00:18:15,780 --> 00:18:18,450 'cause I know intellectually that this is a bad word, 312 00:18:18,450 --> 00:18:19,890 but I did not grow up here. 313 00:18:19,890 --> 00:18:24,240 So it doesn't really like, have that emotional power 314 00:18:24,240 --> 00:18:26,940 to upset me necessarily. 315 00:18:26,940 --> 00:18:29,370 I mean, how I'm Sri Lankan. 316 00:18:29,370 --> 00:18:32,820 I, I look down on Pakistani people too, you know, as well. 317 00:18:42,720 --> 00:18:44,730 Almost as much as I do Indians almost. 318 00:18:46,230 --> 00:18:47,940 And Indians, I know you are in the room 319 00:18:49,530 --> 00:18:52,530 because I'd laugh about the Pakistani bit was just a little 320 00:18:52,530 --> 00:18:55,350 bit too much, you know, racist pieces of shit. 321 00:18:56,640 --> 00:18:58,620 I swear I'm happy you're here. 322 00:18:58,620 --> 00:19:00,930 There's Indian, you are, you are the most methodically 323 00:19:00,930 --> 00:19:04,110 racist people I've met in my entire life. 324 00:19:04,110 --> 00:19:05,700 It's amazing. I'm, I'm impressed. 325 00:19:07,080 --> 00:19:09,030 It is only from the mouth of an Indian person. 326 00:19:09,030 --> 00:19:11,550 I've heard the words. I can't be Islamophobic. 327 00:19:12,870 --> 00:19:17,610 I've read the Quran, which is very counterintuitive to me. 328 00:19:18,660 --> 00:19:21,810 'cause usually if someone is racist you can 329 00:19:21,810 --> 00:19:24,900 at least use ignorance as an explanation as 330 00:19:24,900 --> 00:19:26,820 to why they might feel that way. 331 00:19:28,050 --> 00:19:30,540 Whereas this person went 332 00:19:30,540 --> 00:19:34,530 and did homework to be more 333 00:19:34,530 --> 00:19:35,580 effectively racist. 334 00:19:37,230 --> 00:19:40,650 The only thing worse than being a bigot is being a 335 00:19:40,650 --> 00:19:42,570 bigot and a nerd. 336 00:19:42,570 --> 00:19:44,525 Isn't it embarrassing 337 00:19:48,705 --> 00:19:53,040 but finding that a lot of the white guys I hang out with 338 00:19:53,040 --> 00:19:55,170 are having a little bit of trouble adjusting 339 00:19:55,170 --> 00:19:56,670 to changes in society. 340 00:19:57,810 --> 00:20:01,020 One guy, and many say the same thing 341 00:20:01,020 --> 00:20:02,790 with some version of the words. 342 00:20:02,790 --> 00:20:04,200 It's really hard to be a white guy right now. 343 00:20:05,910 --> 00:20:08,730 And whenever I hear these words, I always reply, 344 00:20:08,730 --> 00:20:10,350 please do go on 345 00:20:18,840 --> 00:20:21,405 some version of like, oh yeah, you know, I feel like, 346 00:20:22,365 --> 00:20:24,475 I feel like there's people out there that, 347 00:20:24,475 --> 00:20:26,550 that don't like me just for the demographic 348 00:20:27,420 --> 00:20:28,590 that I was born into. 349 00:20:29,550 --> 00:20:32,910 And sometimes, sometimes I even feel like I miss out on 350 00:20:32,910 --> 00:20:33,810 opportunities 351 00:20:38,070 --> 00:20:38,903 because of it. 352 00:20:39,870 --> 00:20:42,240 And I'm listening like, damn man, I cannot imagine 353 00:20:44,875 --> 00:20:46,605 what that must be like for you. 354 00:20:50,170 --> 00:20:52,900 No, but there, there is a very specific demographic 355 00:20:52,900 --> 00:20:55,420 of white guy that I have a true empathy for. 356 00:20:55,420 --> 00:21:00,040 It is if you are a young-ish, let's say under 40 357 00:21:00,040 --> 00:21:02,170 liberal white guy, 358 00:21:03,340 --> 00:21:05,860 'cause that's a, I don't know, uniquely difficult position 359 00:21:05,860 --> 00:21:08,590 because you are politically inclined to hate yourself. 360 00:21:12,745 --> 00:21:17,350 And you were born just in time 361 00:21:18,550 --> 00:21:21,010 to miss the glory days of your people. 362 00:21:24,465 --> 00:21:26,950 You all were doing so well for 500 years. 363 00:21:28,660 --> 00:21:31,360 And right before you pop out, everyone hates you 364 00:21:33,185 --> 00:21:34,690 and you can't even be mad about it. 365 00:21:34,690 --> 00:21:37,810 You need to take it on the chin. It is rough. 366 00:21:37,810 --> 00:21:40,420 You were invited to the house parties just in time 367 00:21:40,420 --> 00:21:41,860 for the neighbors to call the police. 368 00:21:48,100 --> 00:21:51,100 One of my closest friends in the UK is a, is a white man, 369 00:21:51,100 --> 00:21:52,180 a white man if you will. 370 00:21:54,580 --> 00:21:56,530 And he's such a lovely, wonderful person. 371 00:21:56,530 --> 00:21:57,880 He's a very empathetic sort of guy. 372 00:21:57,880 --> 00:22:00,340 He will very much walk around carrying the shame 373 00:22:00,340 --> 00:22:01,515 of his race. 374 00:22:01,515 --> 00:22:04,240 He'll, he'll introduce himself like, hi, I'm Joe, I'm a part 375 00:22:04,240 --> 00:22:05,500 of the problem, nice to meet you. 376 00:22:06,985 --> 00:22:10,270 And I, I was complaining to him, 377 00:22:10,270 --> 00:22:12,190 he'll be upset like get sad about stuff 378 00:22:12,190 --> 00:22:13,570 that isn't even his phone. 379 00:22:13,570 --> 00:22:17,110 You know, I was complaining to him about visa stuff one time 380 00:22:17,110 --> 00:22:20,230 and he, he got very upset on my behalf 381 00:22:20,230 --> 00:22:21,550 and he was like, oh, I'm so sorry 382 00:22:21,550 --> 00:22:22,780 that you have to deal with all that man. 383 00:22:22,780 --> 00:22:25,540 And I said, Joe, relax. 384 00:22:25,540 --> 00:22:27,820 You, you are from Essex. 385 00:22:29,410 --> 00:22:31,420 If the British government could have found a way 386 00:22:31,420 --> 00:22:32,740 to deport you and your people, 387 00:22:37,780 --> 00:22:39,100 they most definitely would have. 388 00:22:46,600 --> 00:22:48,280 Unfortunately applying 389 00:22:48,280 --> 00:22:51,640 for visas is still quite a large part of my life. 390 00:22:51,640 --> 00:22:54,880 It's a lot of what I think about. I need a visa to be here. 391 00:22:54,880 --> 00:22:56,500 If I'm living in any country 392 00:22:56,500 --> 00:22:59,590 and if I even visit a country, almost every country I visit, 393 00:22:59,590 --> 00:23:00,970 I need to apply for a visa 394 00:23:00,970 --> 00:23:02,620 because you can look this up, 395 00:23:02,620 --> 00:23:06,610 Sri Lanka's passport is in the top 10 worst passports in the 396 00:23:06,610 --> 00:23:08,740 world, especially Europe. 397 00:23:08,740 --> 00:23:10,660 It's a little bit an extra annoying. 398 00:23:10,660 --> 00:23:14,350 You show all, all these documents usually at the very least 399 00:23:14,350 --> 00:23:16,210 your incoming flight, your return flight, 400 00:23:16,210 --> 00:23:17,530 your accommodation while you were there, 401 00:23:17,530 --> 00:23:19,870 six months bank statements, a letter from your employer. 402 00:23:19,870 --> 00:23:23,020 All this stuff where you're basically trying to prove 403 00:23:23,020 --> 00:23:25,450 to this other country that you're not going 404 00:23:25,450 --> 00:23:28,180 to run away when you show up. 405 00:23:28,180 --> 00:23:32,140 And I was more okay with it when I was younger, I think. 406 00:23:32,140 --> 00:23:33,880 'cause I don't know, I was young, I hadn't done much in the 407 00:23:33,880 --> 00:23:36,100 world and quite frankly, I would've 408 00:23:36,100 --> 00:23:38,470 very gladly run away in most countries that led me into, 409 00:23:39,400 --> 00:23:43,270 but as I get older, it all feels a, a little demeaning. 410 00:23:43,270 --> 00:23:45,650 You know, where I was applying for a visa 411 00:23:45,650 --> 00:23:47,540 to Austria recently 412 00:23:47,540 --> 00:23:50,900 and I was getting all of my documents together 413 00:23:50,900 --> 00:23:53,960 and I had the thought of, you know, 414 00:23:56,180 --> 00:23:58,160 Austria wishes 415 00:24:00,260 --> 00:24:03,560 that I would run away in their irrelevant as country. 416 00:24:05,960 --> 00:24:08,545 I would be their biggest cultural export in two years. 417 00:24:08,545 --> 00:24:11,150 Thomas, who else do they have? 418 00:24:12,920 --> 00:24:16,400 The last guy was the guy that played the Terminator. 419 00:24:16,400 --> 00:24:18,710 And before 420 00:24:18,710 --> 00:24:23,065 that it was, was the Terminator. 421 00:24:23,065 --> 00:24:27,740 It was the real, it was a T 6 million number one. 422 00:24:33,620 --> 00:24:35,180 I do this, 423 00:24:35,180 --> 00:24:38,240 but I do also have a, 424 00:24:38,240 --> 00:24:40,405 a normal job, a day job. 425 00:24:40,405 --> 00:24:42,560 I, I work as a, 426 00:24:45,245 --> 00:24:47,090 a programmer for a tech company. 427 00:24:48,680 --> 00:24:49,850 'cause what else am I gonna do? 428 00:24:51,785 --> 00:24:55,730 And I, I've, I've generally made peace with 429 00:24:55,730 --> 00:24:56,780 that part of my life. 430 00:24:56,780 --> 00:24:59,990 You know, it's, it's keeps my income more stable. 431 00:24:59,990 --> 00:25:02,990 It is and has always been the source of my visa. 432 00:25:02,990 --> 00:25:06,980 And I don't mind the day-to-day work. 433 00:25:06,980 --> 00:25:10,220 What, but sometimes I say when, 434 00:25:11,630 --> 00:25:13,310 when someone ask like, oh, the company you work 435 00:25:13,310 --> 00:25:14,660 for, what do they do? 436 00:25:16,550 --> 00:25:21,380 The only honest answer I can really ever give is 437 00:25:21,380 --> 00:25:22,490 that it doesn't matter. 438 00:25:25,700 --> 00:25:27,080 I mean, of course not to me, 439 00:25:28,730 --> 00:25:32,690 but more strikingly not to anyone. 440 00:25:34,970 --> 00:25:39,260 And it is this violent meaninglessness that has begun 441 00:25:39,260 --> 00:25:41,990 to weigh on me as I get older. 442 00:25:41,990 --> 00:25:43,880 And the best way I can put it, like working 443 00:25:43,880 --> 00:25:46,910 for a tech company is, is that I say, you 444 00:25:46,910 --> 00:25:51,200 say you when you were a kid or you talk to a kid now 445 00:25:51,200 --> 00:25:54,590 and you ask them, what do you want to be when you grow up? 446 00:25:56,030 --> 00:25:59,330 I cannot fathom that any child ever looked up 447 00:25:59,330 --> 00:26:03,290 and said, when I grow up, I want to be 448 00:26:04,460 --> 00:26:09,080 a senior product manager for a cloud-based 449 00:26:10,850 --> 00:26:14,510 AI driven sex toy delivery platform. 450 00:26:16,955 --> 00:26:18,980 It's like Uber, but for d it's like, fuck shut up. 451 00:26:21,200 --> 00:26:22,700 And they're all, they're all like this. 452 00:26:22,700 --> 00:26:26,270 And more children 453 00:26:26,270 --> 00:26:28,970 would rather become a firefighter than 454 00:26:28,970 --> 00:26:30,110 work for a tech company. 455 00:26:30,950 --> 00:26:32,570 And that is because children are smart 456 00:26:33,500 --> 00:26:37,970 and they know at some level, even if not practically 457 00:26:37,970 --> 00:26:42,290 spiritually at least, it is sometimes better 458 00:26:43,200 --> 00:26:45,120 to run into a burning building. 459 00:26:50,250 --> 00:26:54,810 Then to hear that slack notification one, 460 00:27:02,625 --> 00:27:04,380 the the program 461 00:27:04,380 --> 00:27:06,090 and thing wasn't always plan a, 462 00:27:07,110 --> 00:27:10,110 my first attempt at successfully getting outta Sri Lanka 463 00:27:10,110 --> 00:27:12,605 was, I, I went to medical school. 464 00:27:12,605 --> 00:27:15,330 I I finished medical school even mostly 465 00:27:15,330 --> 00:27:17,850 'cause I didn't have another choice. 466 00:27:17,850 --> 00:27:19,290 I never practiced as a doctor though, 467 00:27:19,290 --> 00:27:20,700 thankfully for the public. 468 00:27:22,080 --> 00:27:23,340 I knew halfway through 469 00:27:23,340 --> 00:27:25,890 that I was far too selfish for that profession. 470 00:27:25,890 --> 00:27:28,800 And since I've found my way to show business 471 00:27:28,800 --> 00:27:30,305 where my client belong. 472 00:27:30,305 --> 00:27:33,180 But, but all my oldest 473 00:27:33,180 --> 00:27:35,370 and closest friends are from that part of my life. 474 00:27:35,370 --> 00:27:36,990 And they're all working doctors 475 00:27:36,990 --> 00:27:38,910 and have been for the last decade. 476 00:27:38,910 --> 00:27:39,960 It's been interesting 477 00:27:39,960 --> 00:27:42,165 'cause we've all, you know, been working the same amount 478 00:27:42,165 --> 00:27:44,790 of time and they have always worked 479 00:27:44,790 --> 00:27:46,080 so much harder than I have. 480 00:27:47,130 --> 00:27:51,420 And for the majority of our careers been paid so much less. 481 00:27:52,500 --> 00:27:54,630 And it's just felt a bit fucked, you know, just, just 482 00:27:54,630 --> 00:27:58,410 because by some trick of capitalism, 483 00:27:59,310 --> 00:28:01,860 my meaningless tech company creates more value 484 00:28:01,860 --> 00:28:04,470 for shareholders than a hospital might. 485 00:28:04,470 --> 00:28:08,010 Now I feel two ways about capitalism in general. 486 00:28:08,010 --> 00:28:10,620 On one hand I think it's, as it exists now, 487 00:28:10,620 --> 00:28:13,020 is definitely hurting far more people than it's 488 00:28:13,020 --> 00:28:14,490 likely ever helped. 489 00:28:15,330 --> 00:28:17,790 But at the same time, 490 00:28:22,980 --> 00:28:26,850 listen, I'm trying to get rich, alright. 491 00:28:28,500 --> 00:28:31,530 And it is finally beginning to seem 492 00:28:31,530 --> 00:28:32,940 like I just might pull it off. 493 00:28:36,210 --> 00:28:38,580 So I need capitalism for like five more years. All right? 494 00:28:39,570 --> 00:28:40,980 And then we can do the revolution. 495 00:28:44,190 --> 00:28:46,225 We can use my palace as a headquarters. 496 00:28:46,225 --> 00:28:50,850 But, but I need my palace. 497 00:28:54,660 --> 00:28:58,950 And by palace I mean like a nice two bedroom. 498 00:28:58,950 --> 00:28:59,783 You know, 499 00:29:04,085 --> 00:29:05,370 I don't think I'm asking for a lot. 500 00:29:10,410 --> 00:29:13,080 Me and that gang. We, we've lived quite far apart, 501 00:29:13,080 --> 00:29:15,600 but in the same country since we've been in the uk 502 00:29:15,600 --> 00:29:17,760 and every year, at least once a year, 503 00:29:17,760 --> 00:29:19,350 we will try all get together 504 00:29:19,350 --> 00:29:22,170 and the six of us go on a, a big trip. 505 00:29:22,170 --> 00:29:26,400 And we went on one sort of late summer last year 506 00:29:26,400 --> 00:29:28,775 and it felt like a milestone for all of us. 507 00:29:28,775 --> 00:29:31,110 It it was a trip that made us all feel like, oh, 508 00:29:31,110 --> 00:29:33,600 we're slowly moving up in life 509 00:29:33,600 --> 00:29:37,260 because it was the first trip that we had gone on as a group 510 00:29:37,260 --> 00:29:40,560 or even individually where the, 511 00:29:41,470 --> 00:29:46,030 where the holiday itself was less comfortable 512 00:29:47,350 --> 00:29:48,940 than our normal lives. 513 00:29:50,530 --> 00:29:53,230 And that is some rich people shit. 514 00:29:57,130 --> 00:29:59,590 Because, because when you don't have money, you, 515 00:29:59,590 --> 00:30:02,740 you save up whatever money you do have so 516 00:30:02,740 --> 00:30:06,100 that you can go somewhere kind of nice 517 00:30:06,100 --> 00:30:08,920 and pretend to have money for three to five days. 518 00:30:12,880 --> 00:30:15,880 And then for some reason when you have some money, 519 00:30:15,880 --> 00:30:18,820 you somehow spend even more money 520 00:30:20,140 --> 00:30:21,640 to often go out into nature 521 00:30:23,140 --> 00:30:24,310 and recreate the lives 522 00:30:24,310 --> 00:30:26,470 that your grandparents worked so hard to escape. 523 00:30:32,500 --> 00:30:34,690 I've always take talked such a great deal 524 00:30:34,690 --> 00:30:37,660 of shit about people that like doing all this nature 525 00:30:37,660 --> 00:30:38,860 stuff, you know? 526 00:30:39,886 --> 00:30:42,520 But this, this time me and a gang, we went to Iceland 527 00:30:42,520 --> 00:30:44,650 and we did a bunch of nature stuff 528 00:30:44,650 --> 00:30:47,440 and it was quite delightful. 529 00:30:47,440 --> 00:30:51,040 It was, I things came out 530 00:30:51,040 --> 00:30:52,630 of my mouth in Iceland. 531 00:30:52,630 --> 00:30:56,410 I never thought I would say I looked out a window at a big 532 00:30:56,410 --> 00:30:57,580 rock and I was like, fuck him. 533 00:30:57,580 --> 00:30:59,200 That, that's a good rock, right? 534 00:31:01,780 --> 00:31:03,280 I've never been, I've never been 535 00:31:03,280 --> 00:31:04,810 geologically aroused before. 536 00:31:06,340 --> 00:31:07,630 I'm saving this image for later. 537 00:31:12,550 --> 00:31:13,870 I think about that rock every day. 538 00:31:17,260 --> 00:31:18,700 It's quite an eventful summer. It is. 539 00:31:18,700 --> 00:31:19,720 A little while 540 00:31:19,720 --> 00:31:23,620 before that I went to this, have you all heard 541 00:31:23,620 --> 00:31:27,520 of this American hippie sort of festival Burning Man? 542 00:31:28,720 --> 00:31:30,130 I went something very much like that. 543 00:31:30,130 --> 00:31:32,560 It wasn't Burning Man itself, it was in Spain. 544 00:31:32,560 --> 00:31:35,590 So I spent seven days camping in the Spanish desert. 545 00:31:36,610 --> 00:31:38,050 And it was fun. 546 00:31:39,700 --> 00:31:42,430 I don't think it was really my scene though, you know, just 547 00:31:42,430 --> 00:31:46,360 to give you an idea of the, the demographics, right? 548 00:31:46,360 --> 00:31:49,480 I'm just going to put a statistic out there for you. 549 00:31:50,920 --> 00:31:53,680 Let's just say there were 550 00:31:54,670 --> 00:31:58,990 exponentially more dreadlocks 551 00:32:00,520 --> 00:32:02,890 than there were black people, all right? 552 00:32:02,890 --> 00:32:06,190 You do with that information, what you will, no judgment, 553 00:32:06,190 --> 00:32:08,470 a little bit of judgment, mostly no judgment. 554 00:32:08,470 --> 00:32:09,700 You do what your body, what you will. 555 00:32:09,700 --> 00:32:14,620 But you know, they were, they were 556 00:32:14,620 --> 00:32:15,700 perfectly nice people. 557 00:32:15,700 --> 00:32:17,805 I don't, I just don't know if they were my people, you know? 558 00:32:18,905 --> 00:32:23,740 And so, and like many festivals, of course there were, 559 00:32:23,740 --> 00:32:25,630 there were copious amounts of drugs being taken 560 00:32:25,630 --> 00:32:26,770 by myself included. 561 00:32:28,270 --> 00:32:31,420 But people there didn't take drugs the way I was used 562 00:32:31,420 --> 00:32:34,570 to taking, like say if I'm going out with my friends 563 00:32:34,570 --> 00:32:36,790 and we're taking some stuff, we'll find a dark corner 564 00:32:36,790 --> 00:32:38,440 outside the venue and take our stuff 565 00:32:38,440 --> 00:32:40,190 and get on with that night. 566 00:32:40,190 --> 00:32:43,100 Whereas here, they like to do what 567 00:32:44,240 --> 00:32:48,320 I remember them referring to as an intention circle. 568 00:32:50,780 --> 00:32:51,980 I see some of you're familiar 569 00:32:55,250 --> 00:32:57,770 and for the rest of you, if you have not had the privilege 570 00:32:59,090 --> 00:33:02,360 of being exposed to such a geometric formation 571 00:33:02,360 --> 00:33:06,080 before, please allow me to assure you 572 00:33:07,610 --> 00:33:11,180 that it is indeed just as stupid as it sounds. 573 00:33:13,310 --> 00:33:16,940 So what an intention circle is, right? 574 00:33:16,940 --> 00:33:20,090 Is that okay to give you a lay of the land? 575 00:33:20,090 --> 00:33:22,365 The way it's set up is, so it's in the desert, so there, 576 00:33:22,365 --> 00:33:24,200 there is a lot of dirt as far as that. 577 00:33:24,200 --> 00:33:26,060 I can see dirt, but that's fine. It's a desert. 578 00:33:26,060 --> 00:33:27,230 That's what they do. They have dirt, 579 00:33:28,910 --> 00:33:30,770 but there's a big, there's a festival set up 580 00:33:30,770 --> 00:33:33,380 around this big patch of dirt in the middle, 581 00:33:33,380 --> 00:33:35,300 but they don't call it a patch of dirt, 582 00:33:35,300 --> 00:33:36,470 they call it the player. 583 00:33:37,640 --> 00:33:40,430 And around the perimeter of the patch of dirt, 584 00:33:40,430 --> 00:33:41,870 there are camps, 585 00:33:41,870 --> 00:33:45,110 but they don't call them camps, they call them barrios. 586 00:33:45,110 --> 00:33:47,660 And I'm always 587 00:33:48,680 --> 00:33:52,550 somewhat suspicious when any group of people begins 588 00:33:52,550 --> 00:33:56,570 to develop their own lingo, their own little language, 589 00:33:57,560 --> 00:34:00,950 because that is cult adjacent behavior. 590 00:34:02,900 --> 00:34:05,450 And I was not trying to become the star of midsummer 591 00:34:05,450 --> 00:34:06,470 to Desert Storm. 592 00:34:06,470 --> 00:34:10,790 So I was keeping my eyes peeled. 593 00:34:12,230 --> 00:34:13,640 And so on the first night 594 00:34:13,640 --> 00:34:17,360 before we all went out for the evening, everyone in the, 595 00:34:17,360 --> 00:34:20,540 in the camp, in the, in the barrio got 596 00:34:20,540 --> 00:34:23,630 got together in the common area, got in a circle, 597 00:34:23,630 --> 00:34:25,100 and everyone got out the stuff 598 00:34:25,100 --> 00:34:27,140 that they were taking for that evening. 599 00:34:27,140 --> 00:34:29,150 And so the thing of it was that 600 00:34:29,150 --> 00:34:32,360 before you take your stuff, you tell, you go one by one 601 00:34:32,360 --> 00:34:33,770 and you tell the rest of the group 602 00:34:33,770 --> 00:34:35,990 what your intentions for the evening are. 603 00:34:38,990 --> 00:34:43,765 And I swear, right? 604 00:34:43,765 --> 00:34:48,170 I I have never in my life heard 605 00:34:50,360 --> 00:34:54,560 adults sounds so sincere, 606 00:34:57,170 --> 00:35:00,530 but be so completely full of shit. 607 00:35:06,260 --> 00:35:07,490 I, the first person went 608 00:35:07,490 --> 00:35:10,640 and said something like, oh, I just want to, I just want 609 00:35:10,640 --> 00:35:14,870 to connect more with all of you and with the PLI 610 00:35:14,870 --> 00:35:16,220 and to feel the warmth 611 00:35:16,220 --> 00:35:17,870 of the stars and the stars aren't warm. 612 00:35:19,790 --> 00:35:21,710 That is, if anything, their main appeal. 613 00:35:23,870 --> 00:35:25,580 And then the next person went 614 00:35:25,580 --> 00:35:28,400 and said something like, oh, I I just want 615 00:35:28,400 --> 00:35:32,210 to feel more alive than I ever have before. 616 00:35:32,210 --> 00:35:34,430 And then, so I went like this one by one 617 00:35:34,430 --> 00:35:37,130 and eventually it, it got to me 618 00:35:38,490 --> 00:35:41,790 and I made some shit up. 619 00:35:43,305 --> 00:35:45,270 So I wanted to take my drugs and get on with my evening. 620 00:35:46,710 --> 00:35:48,610 But 'cause I knew, you know, I I, 621 00:35:48,610 --> 00:35:50,640 I couldn't have been honest about 622 00:35:50,640 --> 00:35:52,710 what my real intentions for the evening were. 623 00:35:52,710 --> 00:35:54,510 'cause it wouldn't have gone well with my, you know, 624 00:35:54,510 --> 00:35:55,980 to be hippie friends. 625 00:35:56,910 --> 00:35:58,350 Because if I was being honest, 626 00:35:58,350 --> 00:36:01,530 I would've said something along the lines of like, Hey, 627 00:36:01,530 --> 00:36:06,445 listen guys, I I've been working a lot and I'm tired. 628 00:36:08,850 --> 00:36:12,300 And quite frankly, I'm just trying to get high right now. 629 00:36:14,365 --> 00:36:17,965 I feel, feel more alive. No, no, thank you. 630 00:36:17,965 --> 00:36:22,860 I I would like to forget 631 00:36:22,860 --> 00:36:24,150 that I was ever alive at all. 632 00:36:25,225 --> 00:36:26,058 That's where I, 633 00:36:35,220 --> 00:36:37,080 one of the most interesting people, 634 00:36:37,080 --> 00:36:41,160 I met him my whole life is the, the mother of an ex of mine. 635 00:36:41,160 --> 00:36:44,040 I remember when we first met Ex at the time, introduced us 636 00:36:44,040 --> 00:36:45,630 and then went to the other room 637 00:36:45,630 --> 00:36:48,090 and then her mom, she looked me up and down 638 00:36:48,090 --> 00:36:51,000 and the first thing she asked was, were you hit as a child? 639 00:36:51,000 --> 00:36:52,500 And I was like, strong start. All right, cool. 640 00:36:54,750 --> 00:36:59,220 I just nodded. And she followed up with hit 641 00:36:59,220 --> 00:37:02,850 or hit hit and I said, hit hit. 642 00:37:02,850 --> 00:37:05,700 And she looked me up and down again 643 00:37:05,700 --> 00:37:07,710 and said, I thought so and walked away. 644 00:37:11,340 --> 00:37:13,080 And I do not have closure to this day, 645 00:37:17,460 --> 00:37:19,470 but I immediately understood what she meant, you know, 646 00:37:20,940 --> 00:37:22,650 and also before I go into it, I don't think any 647 00:37:22,650 --> 00:37:25,200 of this is anyway, anyone should treat a kid ever. 648 00:37:25,200 --> 00:37:27,510 But at least the normal hit, you know, 649 00:37:27,510 --> 00:37:31,560 the the hit the wrong hit when it happened to me, 650 00:37:31,560 --> 00:37:32,940 it didn't fuck with me that much. 651 00:37:32,940 --> 00:37:34,950 Like, to me that is when you're a kid 652 00:37:34,950 --> 00:37:38,520 and you do some dumb kid shit, you know, you 653 00:37:39,390 --> 00:37:41,460 break something or you steal something 654 00:37:41,460 --> 00:37:42,660 or you pee on something 655 00:37:44,520 --> 00:37:46,050 and then you're punished physically for it, 656 00:37:46,050 --> 00:37:48,120 which unnecessary shouldn't happen. 657 00:37:48,120 --> 00:37:50,070 But at least when it happened to me, it, 658 00:37:50,070 --> 00:37:51,270 it didn't fuck with my head that much. 659 00:37:51,270 --> 00:37:53,400 It made sense, you know, I did something bad, 660 00:37:53,400 --> 00:37:56,010 something bad happened to me, done. 661 00:37:56,010 --> 00:38:00,720 Well it, it's akin to, it's somewhat akin to when you, 662 00:38:03,090 --> 00:38:07,170 when you hear that, when you hear 663 00:38:07,170 --> 00:38:08,790 that a skydiver died, 664 00:38:13,440 --> 00:38:17,250 listen, I'm not trying to say Skydivers deserve to die, 665 00:38:19,650 --> 00:38:22,980 I'm just saying that if you go skydiving 666 00:38:24,480 --> 00:38:28,830 and you happen to die, It is very difficult for me 667 00:38:29,730 --> 00:38:31,560 to find sympathy for your situation. 668 00:38:34,500 --> 00:38:35,890 It's like when hear that your friend 669 00:38:35,890 --> 00:38:38,565 with an art history degree is still unemployed, it's, 670 00:38:42,115 --> 00:38:45,490 it's sad and it should not be that way, 671 00:38:47,410 --> 00:38:48,790 but they kind of had it come, you know, 672 00:38:54,790 --> 00:38:57,490 and then hit, hit to me is something entirely different. 673 00:38:57,490 --> 00:38:59,260 I think that's what I have quite a lot 674 00:38:59,260 --> 00:39:01,090 of intimate ex experience with. 675 00:39:01,090 --> 00:39:03,250 It's most of my beef with my dad, right? 676 00:39:03,250 --> 00:39:05,500 And to me that's when there's very 677 00:39:05,500 --> 00:39:06,640 little to do with the kid at all. 678 00:39:06,640 --> 00:39:09,400 It's usually the adult has some adult stuff going on 679 00:39:09,400 --> 00:39:10,840 that they don't know how to deal with. 680 00:39:10,840 --> 00:39:12,460 So they take it out on the kid. 681 00:39:12,460 --> 00:39:13,540 And when you're a kid 682 00:39:13,540 --> 00:39:14,710 and that happens to you, 683 00:39:14,710 --> 00:39:16,210 you start thinking you are the problem 684 00:39:16,210 --> 00:39:18,130 and you get this little hole inside 685 00:39:18,130 --> 00:39:20,830 and then as you get older, the hole gets bigger 686 00:39:20,830 --> 00:39:24,040 and eventually you're going to want to start 687 00:39:24,940 --> 00:39:27,490 filling the hole with some stuff. 688 00:39:27,490 --> 00:39:28,810 And that is why drugs 689 00:39:28,810 --> 00:39:32,620 and alcohol were invented in hindsight. 690 00:39:32,620 --> 00:39:36,490 Fortunately at the time I was too broke to invest. 691 00:39:41,590 --> 00:39:44,200 So I think I filled my whole by, I don't know, just trying 692 00:39:44,200 --> 00:39:47,410 to achieve stuff and get validation through that and, and, 693 00:39:47,410 --> 00:39:48,760 and fill it that way. 694 00:39:48,760 --> 00:39:51,520 And sometimes I'll like take it way too far 695 00:39:51,520 --> 00:39:53,980 and completely burn myself out. 696 00:39:53,980 --> 00:39:55,480 And I've been quite a bad state. 697 00:39:55,480 --> 00:39:58,000 And when that happens, I will always find solace in telling 698 00:39:58,000 --> 00:40:00,610 myself that hey, could have been heroin, 699 00:40:02,740 --> 00:40:04,660 However bad this is. 700 00:40:04,660 --> 00:40:07,870 You know what would've been worse? Heroin. 701 00:40:10,930 --> 00:40:14,110 No, it's all, when I had this realization about myself, 702 00:40:14,110 --> 00:40:17,410 it was strangely the only time in my life I've had even the 703 00:40:17,410 --> 00:40:20,530 slightest shred of empathy for this incredible weirdo 704 00:40:20,530 --> 00:40:22,000 of a man Elon Musk. 705 00:40:22,000 --> 00:40:25,780 Hear me out here. Because in some interview way, 706 00:40:25,780 --> 00:40:26,830 way back, right? 707 00:40:26,830 --> 00:40:31,420 I read that he also had quite an abusive dad. 708 00:40:31,420 --> 00:40:35,290 And when I connected those two things, his whole shit 709 00:40:36,700 --> 00:40:38,770 at the very least made sense. 710 00:40:38,770 --> 00:40:41,830 You know, because I thought I had it bad. 711 00:40:43,150 --> 00:40:46,570 This man is trying to go all the way to Mars 712 00:40:50,440 --> 00:40:52,420 to see if there's a dad there that'll love him. 713 00:40:53,865 --> 00:40:56,650 That's tragic. That's a tragic life. 714 00:41:00,965 --> 00:41:04,540 I sorta have this realization about myself. 715 00:41:04,540 --> 00:41:06,550 It was a lot, it was a lot to process, you know. 716 00:41:06,550 --> 00:41:08,650 And I, I was turning 30 in a few months 717 00:41:08,650 --> 00:41:12,400 and I sort of set that as a arbitrary deadline of sorts 718 00:41:12,400 --> 00:41:14,500 to have it mostly squared away in my head. 719 00:41:14,500 --> 00:41:15,790 Of course this stuff takes forever, 720 00:41:15,790 --> 00:41:17,800 but mostly worked out, you know? 721 00:41:17,800 --> 00:41:22,120 'cause I do feel like, you know, like there's no need 722 00:41:22,120 --> 00:41:24,580 to set a deadline, but I do feel like a lot of this, 723 00:41:24,580 --> 00:41:27,220 you know, working out your stuff and finding yourself 724 00:41:27,220 --> 00:41:31,360 and all that is, is real cute when you're in your twenties. 725 00:41:31,360 --> 00:41:33,230 But when you are a 30 something year old man, 726 00:41:34,730 --> 00:41:35,960 people don't have time for that shit. 727 00:41:37,730 --> 00:41:39,590 Of course, I, I still have a few years, 728 00:41:39,590 --> 00:41:41,390 but I wanted to get ahead of me, you know, I didn't want 729 00:41:41,390 --> 00:41:43,220 to leave it alone, forget about it. 730 00:41:43,220 --> 00:41:47,210 And then end up at the 70-year-old at Ayahuasca ceremony 731 00:41:48,710 --> 00:41:51,980 going around telling people how I'm trying to meet God 732 00:41:51,980 --> 00:41:55,490 and have a shaman tell me that it's like, wait five 733 00:41:55,490 --> 00:41:56,720 to 10 years you'll meet God. 734 00:41:56,720 --> 00:42:00,680 He's waiting for, you didn't have to come to Peru 735 00:42:00,680 --> 00:42:01,760 for this. 736 00:42:06,290 --> 00:42:09,290 Around that time I started seeing my therapist much more 737 00:42:09,290 --> 00:42:10,640 regularly as well. 738 00:42:10,640 --> 00:42:13,160 I go every now like for like six weeks at a time. 739 00:42:13,160 --> 00:42:16,610 Like, like a two tuneup every six weeks. 740 00:42:16,610 --> 00:42:17,960 But I started going every week for a while 741 00:42:17,960 --> 00:42:19,760 and it was very helpful. 742 00:42:19,760 --> 00:42:22,940 My only qualms earlier on in the process 743 00:42:25,940 --> 00:42:27,620 was that at these prices 744 00:42:31,400 --> 00:42:32,480 I thought he'd fix me 745 00:42:36,590 --> 00:42:39,530 like a mechanic, you know, like I'm the car 746 00:42:39,530 --> 00:42:41,805 and he's the mechanic and I go in and he fixes me. 747 00:42:42,785 --> 00:42:44,990 And at least for me, I found it very useful 748 00:42:44,990 --> 00:42:48,890 to figure out it exactly in which ways 749 00:42:50,480 --> 00:42:54,980 I am fucked and maybe gain some insight into 750 00:42:55,850 --> 00:42:59,870 just how I got so fucked. 751 00:42:59,870 --> 00:43:03,050 But apparently I am supposed to do all the unfucking myself 752 00:43:08,120 --> 00:43:12,140 is much less a mechanic and more Ikea for your emotion 753 00:43:16,985 --> 00:43:19,970 or you're given the tools and some materials 754 00:43:19,970 --> 00:43:24,080 or you have to put your shitty table of a personality 755 00:43:26,270 --> 00:43:27,530 together all by yourself. 756 00:43:32,000 --> 00:43:33,770 I started around that time trying 757 00:43:33,770 --> 00:43:35,690 to generally get my life together. 758 00:43:35,690 --> 00:43:37,640 You know, I was quite a sedentary person 759 00:43:37,640 --> 00:43:40,430 and I started trying to exercise more. 760 00:43:40,430 --> 00:43:43,730 I, I remember I signed up for boxing classes 761 00:43:43,730 --> 00:43:46,460 and yoga classes at the same time 762 00:43:46,460 --> 00:43:47,750 because I wanted the full spectrum. 763 00:43:49,670 --> 00:43:53,570 And I remember being so much more nervous 764 00:43:53,570 --> 00:43:55,580 for the boxing classes 765 00:43:55,580 --> 00:43:58,070 and in high, I, I really didn't need to be. 766 00:43:58,070 --> 00:43:59,570 I I, I remember I went 767 00:43:59,570 --> 00:44:02,810 and it was such a nice welcoming vibe. 768 00:44:02,810 --> 00:44:05,420 Everyone was very eager to help a new person. 769 00:44:05,420 --> 00:44:07,520 It was a real community sort of feeling. 770 00:44:10,610 --> 00:44:11,990 And then I went to the yoga class 771 00:44:14,210 --> 00:44:15,560 and I tell you, I have never been 772 00:44:15,560 --> 00:44:16,970 so afraid in my entire life. 773 00:44:18,200 --> 00:44:20,480 Everyone was like, like namaste to each other, 774 00:44:20,480 --> 00:44:22,460 but it's just a lot of sociopaths 775 00:44:22,460 --> 00:44:23,900 and spandex, you know, just, 776 00:44:23,900 --> 00:44:25,520 just psychos in Lycra, all of them. 777 00:44:27,065 --> 00:44:28,760 And I wondered why this was, 778 00:44:30,140 --> 00:44:32,190 and the only thing think from the people I met, 779 00:44:32,190 --> 00:44:34,050 at least the, the people in the boxing 780 00:44:34,050 --> 00:44:35,430 classes were pretty chill. 781 00:44:35,430 --> 00:44:37,440 They were just there to blow off some steam 782 00:44:37,440 --> 00:44:41,070 and get some exercise and maybe get better at boxing. 783 00:44:42,210 --> 00:44:46,500 Whereas the people at the yoga classes, not all of them, 784 00:44:48,990 --> 00:44:53,730 but enough seem to be under some assumption 785 00:44:55,560 --> 00:44:59,340 that doing yoga would also make you a better person. 786 00:45:01,890 --> 00:45:03,450 And I'm not sure that how it works. 787 00:45:05,250 --> 00:45:06,450 Say if you are an asshole 788 00:45:07,665 --> 00:45:11,565 and you go do yoga, you're not any less of an asshole. 789 00:45:13,465 --> 00:45:16,325 You are just a, a bendy asshole. 790 00:45:27,630 --> 00:45:30,870 I also started looking to like general, I don't know, 791 00:45:30,870 --> 00:45:34,740 like there's a lot of this personal development self-help 792 00:45:34,740 --> 00:45:36,600 stuff on the internet lately. 793 00:45:36,600 --> 00:45:39,510 And some of it I found genuinely helpful. 794 00:45:39,510 --> 00:45:41,130 I did draw the line 795 00:45:41,130 --> 00:45:44,580 however, at cold showers us 796 00:45:46,715 --> 00:45:50,490 because I remember when I saw it, I was surprised that 797 00:45:51,630 --> 00:45:54,090 it was as popular as it was 798 00:45:54,090 --> 00:45:56,820 or seemed to be where 799 00:45:58,980 --> 00:46:01,560 no one else finds this disrespectful to poor people. 800 00:46:07,890 --> 00:46:09,720 That stuff was mostly all right at home growing up. 801 00:46:09,720 --> 00:46:11,460 But there was a period of my childhood 802 00:46:11,460 --> 00:46:14,100 where we didn't have hot water in the house. 803 00:46:14,100 --> 00:46:15,240 And the idea 804 00:46:19,530 --> 00:46:21,360 of recreating that feeling 805 00:46:24,420 --> 00:46:26,700 for the sake of optimizing my morning 806 00:46:29,820 --> 00:46:31,200 felt a bit grotesque. 807 00:46:31,200 --> 00:46:35,785 You know, it felt like, like financial appropriation 808 00:46:35,785 --> 00:46:38,445 and I, I just didn't want any party. 809 00:46:43,405 --> 00:46:46,110 I I, I'm also not sure if anyone is aware, 810 00:46:46,110 --> 00:46:48,300 Sri Lanka is a mostly Buddhist country 811 00:46:48,300 --> 00:46:50,070 and I grew up vaguely Buddhist 812 00:46:50,070 --> 00:46:51,510 and I sort of got away from it 813 00:46:51,510 --> 00:46:53,490 and I thought, let me, let me look back there, 814 00:46:53,490 --> 00:46:56,040 see if there's anything for me, anything helpful. 815 00:46:56,040 --> 00:47:00,630 And I went looking for resources and such 816 00:47:00,630 --> 00:47:05,310 and was very disconcerted to find just 817 00:47:05,310 --> 00:47:08,910 how many monks 818 00:47:08,910 --> 00:47:13,230 with podcasts there seem 819 00:47:13,230 --> 00:47:14,820 to be in the world at this moment. 820 00:47:18,630 --> 00:47:19,920 It's not that they shouldn't have access 821 00:47:19,920 --> 00:47:21,060 to technology, right? 822 00:47:21,060 --> 00:47:22,230 But it does feel wrong. 823 00:47:23,520 --> 00:47:26,070 I remember growing up in Sri Lanka, it's a Buddhist country, 824 00:47:26,070 --> 00:47:29,440 there's monks just like around and every now 825 00:47:29,440 --> 00:47:31,930 and then you see one carrying a cell phone. 826 00:47:31,930 --> 00:47:33,340 I remember when I saw that, I just, I was like, 827 00:47:33,340 --> 00:47:34,690 what, what's going on there? 828 00:47:34,690 --> 00:47:37,630 Like there's, there's dissonance in that image, you know, 829 00:47:37,630 --> 00:47:41,650 it is like, like when you see a supermodel 830 00:47:41,650 --> 00:47:46,210 with a book, you have the intrusive thought of like, oh, 831 00:47:46,210 --> 00:47:47,950 do they, do they know how to use that thing? 832 00:47:52,625 --> 00:47:57,100 It is very interesting to me that out of the entire show, 833 00:47:58,780 --> 00:48:02,530 it is only at this part where I'm mean about supermodels, 834 00:48:03,430 --> 00:48:06,040 that a good chunk of you pull back real hard 835 00:48:09,065 --> 00:48:13,180 as if, as if I had just 836 00:48:13,180 --> 00:48:15,880 disparaged a marginalized group of some sort 837 00:48:18,970 --> 00:48:20,830 and not hot rich people. 838 00:48:23,050 --> 00:48:27,010 And the reason I keep it in is because there's a bit right 839 00:48:27,010 --> 00:48:31,060 after this related to it that is going to work, watch. 840 00:48:31,060 --> 00:48:35,680 And also that I have 841 00:48:35,680 --> 00:48:38,320 had the immense displeasure of working 842 00:48:38,320 --> 00:48:39,700 with these people in the past. 843 00:48:39,700 --> 00:48:43,900 And however dumb you might imagine, they are 844 00:48:45,790 --> 00:48:50,370 dumber and, 845 00:48:50,370 --> 00:48:51,610 and and they're pretty looking. 846 00:48:51,610 --> 00:48:55,120 So no one tells them, you know, especially male models, 847 00:48:55,120 --> 00:48:56,560 male models in particular, I, 848 00:48:58,540 --> 00:49:02,890 because right male models modeling is one 849 00:49:02,890 --> 00:49:05,830 of the few professions where 850 00:49:05,830 --> 00:49:08,440 men are generally paid less than women. 851 00:49:08,440 --> 00:49:12,340 Which is to say that if you are a male model, you are 852 00:49:13,360 --> 00:49:15,040 so useless to society, 853 00:49:18,040 --> 00:49:20,470 so intellectually devoid of value 854 00:49:22,750 --> 00:49:25,300 that even the patriarchy could not help you get paid. 855 00:49:28,780 --> 00:49:30,850 How am I supposed to respect you as a man? 856 00:49:41,380 --> 00:49:43,750 Well, one of the, the nicest things 857 00:49:43,750 --> 00:49:48,430 that's happened over the past years, I've recently become 858 00:49:49,660 --> 00:49:51,760 godfather to a small Filipino child. 859 00:49:54,625 --> 00:49:57,430 I'm just gonna leave that there with no context. 860 00:50:00,160 --> 00:50:02,620 No, I mean it's easy to figure, I have two close friends 861 00:50:02,620 --> 00:50:06,010 who are both Filipino and they had a kid 862 00:50:06,010 --> 00:50:09,490 and then made me the godfather on, on my birthday 863 00:50:09,490 --> 00:50:11,380 in this room actually. 864 00:50:11,380 --> 00:50:13,720 And it was interesting, they're my first friends 865 00:50:13,720 --> 00:50:16,060 to have had a kid because I generally have quite smart 866 00:50:16,060 --> 00:50:19,840 friends and, and no, 867 00:50:19,840 --> 00:50:23,170 and I had prior always thought of people that have kids 868 00:50:23,170 --> 00:50:25,330 as disorder people I don't want to hang out with. 869 00:50:25,330 --> 00:50:27,950 And they really changed my mind on the whole thing. 870 00:50:27,950 --> 00:50:30,890 You know, I, I remember the first weekend 871 00:50:30,890 --> 00:50:32,330 after the baby came out, right? 872 00:50:32,330 --> 00:50:37,130 And, and Aaron, the daddy messaged me saying, 873 00:50:37,130 --> 00:50:39,110 Hey man, you wanna, you wanna take mushrooms 874 00:50:39,110 --> 00:50:40,610 and hang out in the park with the baby? 875 00:50:42,105 --> 00:50:46,520 And, and I said, I think I want to be a father this time. 876 00:50:46,520 --> 00:50:50,090 Wonderful. And I remember, I remember 877 00:50:50,090 --> 00:50:52,700 that day there was this like, just about newborn baby. 878 00:50:52,700 --> 00:50:54,890 I was holding her and the trees were beginning 879 00:50:54,890 --> 00:50:58,285 to breathe at me and I thought, man, 880 00:50:58,285 --> 00:51:00,320 I I might be a family man after all who, 881 00:51:06,740 --> 00:51:11,510 I've lived in the UK now for about four years 882 00:51:13,040 --> 00:51:15,590 and I've contemplated leaving the 883 00:51:15,590 --> 00:51:18,620 UK For about four years. 884 00:51:21,890 --> 00:51:25,460 Not all parts of it, of course. I, I I enjoy London enough. 885 00:51:25,460 --> 00:51:28,940 But like say I went on tour at some point last year 886 00:51:28,940 --> 00:51:33,380 around the UK and this year I only went back 887 00:51:33,380 --> 00:51:36,590 to one place, Glasgow. 888 00:51:37,700 --> 00:51:38,960 I find my favorite parts 889 00:51:38,960 --> 00:51:41,690 of the UK are all the not English parts. 890 00:51:44,745 --> 00:51:47,540 And of course like in Scotland there's Edinburgh. 891 00:51:47,540 --> 00:51:50,690 But I do find that 892 00:51:52,910 --> 00:51:54,110 Edinburgh is to Scotland. 893 00:51:54,110 --> 00:51:56,750 What Majorca is to Spain, 894 00:51:58,400 --> 00:52:00,890 where they are, they're countries technically, 895 00:52:00,890 --> 00:52:04,910 but spiritually the British have taken 896 00:52:04,910 --> 00:52:05,960 their soul long ago. 897 00:52:10,085 --> 00:52:12,080 I don't know, living here all this time, I I I've come 898 00:52:12,080 --> 00:52:16,190 to find that what it truly means to be British is 899 00:52:16,190 --> 00:52:17,240 to apologize. 900 00:52:19,520 --> 00:52:22,400 To apologize for everything 901 00:52:24,470 --> 00:52:26,245 except what you should be sorry for. 902 00:52:32,210 --> 00:52:37,190 And even that only in the daytime at night, 903 00:52:37,190 --> 00:52:38,840 you are different creatures entirely. 904 00:52:41,030 --> 00:52:43,910 You're like gremlins, you know that eighties movie with the, 905 00:52:43,910 --> 00:52:44,990 the little furry things 906 00:52:44,990 --> 00:52:46,730 and you can't give them water past midnight. 907 00:52:46,730 --> 00:52:49,700 Where with a British person, if you give them even a drop 908 00:52:49,700 --> 00:52:52,160 of alcohol after the sun goes down, 909 00:52:53,180 --> 00:52:54,650 you better get out the fucking way. 910 00:52:57,315 --> 00:52:59,780 Well I remember when I moved here, I was so confused. 911 00:52:59,780 --> 00:53:01,940 I looked around at all these meek, meek people 912 00:53:01,940 --> 00:53:03,950 and I was like, this, these, these are the people 913 00:53:03,950 --> 00:53:06,290 that took two thirds of the world for themselves. 914 00:53:07,220 --> 00:53:11,900 And, and then I saw a Newcastle high street past 915 00:53:11,900 --> 00:53:14,780 sun and thought, there they are. 916 00:53:17,240 --> 00:53:18,980 I see, I see the vision, I see the, 917 00:53:24,805 --> 00:53:27,900 it's such a odd, odd, odd country. 918 00:53:27,900 --> 00:53:31,410 Last year there was these like big anti-immigration race 919 00:53:31,410 --> 00:53:33,060 riot things here. 920 00:53:33,060 --> 00:53:36,690 And it hit me when all that kicked off that it, 921 00:53:36,690 --> 00:53:38,550 it was the first time in a good long while 922 00:53:38,550 --> 00:53:42,000 where this strong anti-immigration sentiment had been 923 00:53:42,960 --> 00:53:45,630 such a top of mind issue in a place that I was living. 924 00:53:46,530 --> 00:53:49,710 And quite honestly, I had missed the attention. 925 00:53:55,320 --> 00:53:56,730 It also really made me feel 926 00:53:56,730 --> 00:54:00,450 and realize that as an immigrant, I owe, not an apology, 927 00:54:01,680 --> 00:54:05,760 but a statement of thanks at least to the trans community 928 00:54:05,760 --> 00:54:10,290 for keeping the bigots at bay for so many years 929 00:54:10,290 --> 00:54:12,420 because they have been so worried. 930 00:54:12,420 --> 00:54:13,440 But where you are going to the 931 00:54:13,440 --> 00:54:17,220 - Bathroom - That we have been crossing borders 932 00:54:17,220 --> 00:54:21,455 willy-nilly, I'm quite literally running out 933 00:54:21,455 --> 00:54:22,950 of pages in my passport. 934 00:54:22,950 --> 00:54:25,290 Numbers are up. It's been a good few years for us. 935 00:54:26,430 --> 00:54:27,675 So I just want you to know that, 936 00:54:27,675 --> 00:54:29,610 that your sacrifice does not go unnoticed. 937 00:54:31,950 --> 00:54:33,300 Your service is appreciated. 938 00:54:34,620 --> 00:54:36,300 Thank you for, for being the boogeyman instead 939 00:54:36,300 --> 00:54:37,530 of us for a few years. 940 00:54:39,300 --> 00:54:40,620 Boogie person, my bad boogie person. 941 00:54:49,080 --> 00:54:51,360 I lived in Germany before I moved here 942 00:54:51,360 --> 00:54:54,390 and I don't know, I'm thinking about, so in a year from now, 943 00:54:55,440 --> 00:54:57,930 have my permanent residency and a year 944 00:54:57,930 --> 00:55:00,960 after that I'll have my British passport 945 00:55:00,960 --> 00:55:03,270 and I'll be British on paper, never in spirit. 946 00:55:07,710 --> 00:55:09,240 And it's a strange feeling. 947 00:55:09,240 --> 00:55:10,570 Even like I, I don't know, I, 948 00:55:10,570 --> 00:55:12,540 I don't know if I'm gonna leave or stay, 949 00:55:12,540 --> 00:55:15,660 but it will be the first time I say I moved away from 950 00:55:15,660 --> 00:55:16,680 Sri Lanka just 951 00:55:16,680 --> 00:55:18,120 because of lack of opportunities for 952 00:55:18,120 --> 00:55:19,350 what I want to do with my life. 953 00:55:19,350 --> 00:55:22,260 And then I moved to Germany, I'm from Germany to here 954 00:55:22,260 --> 00:55:24,360 to make standup happen a little bit more. 955 00:55:24,360 --> 00:55:27,810 And now it's happened enough where I don't necessarily need 956 00:55:27,810 --> 00:55:29,130 to be here anymore. 957 00:55:29,130 --> 00:55:32,310 So in two years when I make that decision to leave 958 00:55:32,310 --> 00:55:35,130 or to stay, it'll be the first time I'm doing it 959 00:55:36,210 --> 00:55:39,870 for an emotional reason and not a practical one. 960 00:55:39,870 --> 00:55:42,660 And that's a weird place for me, you know, to know that I'll 961 00:55:42,660 --> 00:55:46,590 at that point no longer be an economic migrant. 962 00:55:46,590 --> 00:55:49,980 I'll be, dare I say that 963 00:55:51,960 --> 00:55:52,793 an expat, that 964 00:56:02,850 --> 00:56:06,510 it feels strange to know that through my efforts I've become 965 00:56:06,510 --> 00:56:07,620 what I have hated most. 966 00:56:10,500 --> 00:56:11,520 But I've accepted it 967 00:56:11,520 --> 00:56:13,920 and I'm, I'm trying to prepare for the transition. 968 00:56:14,760 --> 00:56:18,900 I, I'm beginning by learning how 969 00:56:18,900 --> 00:56:23,200 to care about things that don't really matter so 970 00:56:23,200 --> 00:56:25,060 that I can more easily come to terms with 971 00:56:25,060 --> 00:56:27,040 how disgustingly secure my life is. 972 00:56:28,810 --> 00:56:31,720 And I'm starting with recycling. 973 00:56:33,730 --> 00:56:35,380 'cause I don't know if you're aware, 974 00:56:35,380 --> 00:56:38,410 but recycling is a lie in a scam. 975 00:56:38,410 --> 00:56:39,790 Especially plastic recycling. 976 00:56:39,790 --> 00:56:41,050 They just send that shit to Asia. 977 00:56:42,070 --> 00:56:45,430 I'm entirely certain that recycling is just a conspiracy 978 00:56:45,430 --> 00:56:48,010 by the United Nations to keep Germany occupied. 979 00:56:55,600 --> 00:56:56,920 'cause you might not be aware here, 980 00:56:56,920 --> 00:56:58,300 but it is, I've been to a lot of places 981 00:56:58,300 --> 00:56:59,800 and people recycle everywhere, 982 00:56:59,800 --> 00:57:01,690 but not with the joy of the Fatherland. 983 00:57:04,185 --> 00:57:08,500 It, it touches something in the German soul to recycle. 984 00:57:08,500 --> 00:57:09,790 I'm entirely certain 985 00:57:09,790 --> 00:57:12,400 that those three bins are the only things standing 986 00:57:12,400 --> 00:57:14,200 between us and a fourth rike. 987 00:57:14,200 --> 00:57:19,200 Alright? I'm sure that post World War ii, 988 00:57:19,660 --> 00:57:22,150 the powers that be got in a room in Geneva 989 00:57:23,290 --> 00:57:25,000 and said, okay, we cannot let this happen again. 990 00:57:26,890 --> 00:57:29,860 We know they like to sort things and throw them away. 991 00:57:37,625 --> 00:57:39,850 We just switch out the people for plastic. 992 00:57:41,470 --> 00:57:43,060 And I think that'll buy us a couple hundred years. 993 00:57:52,060 --> 00:57:53,560 Thank you for coming along with people. 994 00:57:54,725 --> 00:57:57,700 I know, I know it was hard for you. Well, it was a fun ride. 995 00:58:00,610 --> 00:58:02,080 I think about moving back to Germany. 996 00:58:02,080 --> 00:58:03,940 I lived there and it was fun. It was fun. 997 00:58:03,940 --> 00:58:05,860 When I lived there, I lived in Berlin 998 00:58:05,860 --> 00:58:09,820 and well, I think I thought about moving there, 999 00:58:09,820 --> 00:58:11,800 but every time I go back, I am over overcome 1000 00:58:11,800 --> 00:58:15,160 with the feeling of like, I'm, I'm too old for this place. 1001 00:58:16,150 --> 00:58:20,110 And my, my sexual fantasies right now are much less 1002 00:58:20,110 --> 00:58:21,250 behe darkroom, 1003 00:58:22,330 --> 00:58:25,600 much more public library. 1004 00:58:25,600 --> 00:58:27,640 That's where I'm at right now. 1005 00:58:27,640 --> 00:58:31,270 And there are certain times I will, especially compared 1006 00:58:31,270 --> 00:58:33,730 to London, miss Berlin a lot, you know, London is a very, 1007 00:58:36,130 --> 00:58:38,380 quite a uptight, very businessy sort of city. 1008 00:58:38,380 --> 00:58:40,510 And the people reflect that to some extent. 1009 00:58:40,510 --> 00:58:41,740 And I was at a train station once 1010 00:58:41,740 --> 00:58:43,000 and this lady came up to me 1011 00:58:43,000 --> 00:58:45,100 and immediately said, are you straight? 1012 00:58:45,100 --> 00:58:47,020 Are you single? And it took me a moment 1013 00:58:47,020 --> 00:58:48,490 to process exactly what was happening. 1014 00:58:48,490 --> 00:58:51,910 Is this a flirtation or a confrontation or a 1015 00:58:53,710 --> 00:58:56,140 or a census of some sort? 1016 00:59:01,900 --> 00:59:05,560 And then I said, yes, no, and she immediately walked away. 1017 00:59:05,560 --> 00:59:06,850 And I had never felt more like a 1018 00:59:06,850 --> 00:59:08,080 piece of meat in my entire life. 1019 00:59:09,505 --> 00:59:12,160 And I know that would never happen in Berlin. 1020 00:59:12,160 --> 00:59:14,650 First of all, no one in Berlin would ever ask if I'm 1021 00:59:14,650 --> 00:59:16,570 straight, because everyone in Berlin knows 1022 00:59:16,570 --> 00:59:18,130 that everyone is a little gay. 1023 00:59:21,245 --> 00:59:23,810 I I, I have never been intimate with a man, 1024 00:59:23,810 --> 00:59:27,020 but I have also never been in the same room 1025 00:59:27,020 --> 00:59:28,160 as Lenny Kravitz. 1026 00:59:32,960 --> 00:59:36,681 And I do believe that it's not over till it's over. 1027 00:59:44,360 --> 00:59:49,310 I'll leave you all on this. My, my main reason for 1028 00:59:50,750 --> 00:59:55,640 maybe leaving here, being so top of mind is that not any 1029 00:59:55,640 --> 00:59:57,170 of you, your social issues 1030 00:59:57,170 --> 01:00:00,770 or anything about what you're like, it's annoying, 1031 01:00:00,770 --> 01:00:03,410 but I can deal with it if I'm being paid enough. 1032 01:00:04,640 --> 01:00:06,410 But it is very specifically that it has come 1033 01:00:06,410 --> 01:00:11,090 to my attention, especially in the last couple of years, 1034 01:00:12,680 --> 01:00:16,400 that you are becoming poor. 1035 01:00:20,705 --> 01:00:22,070 And I do not fuck with that. 1036 01:00:24,740 --> 01:00:27,260 You want one more bad decision away from becoming the 1037 01:00:27,260 --> 01:00:29,090 northern most member of the global south. 1038 01:00:36,185 --> 01:00:40,130 And I have not worked so hard my entire life 1039 01:00:40,130 --> 01:00:42,830 to move from one struggling island nation 1040 01:00:47,630 --> 01:00:48,463 to another. 1041 01:00:51,795 --> 01:00:54,530 When I express this sentiment to, to British people. 1042 01:00:54,530 --> 01:00:57,230 Sometimes some, some people get a little bit upset at me. 1043 01:00:57,230 --> 01:00:59,480 You know, they'll say like, oh wow, that's very, 1044 01:00:59,480 --> 01:01:03,800 very cynical of you to just, to just move 1045 01:01:03,800 --> 01:01:07,850 to a place and use its 1046 01:01:07,850 --> 01:01:09,205 resources to build yourself out. 1047 01:01:15,170 --> 01:01:19,670 And then when it's, when it's no longer of any use to you, 1048 01:01:19,670 --> 01:01:20,690 you just leave. 1049 01:01:22,040 --> 01:01:23,870 And I said, I said, I'm sorry man. 1050 01:01:23,870 --> 01:01:27,740 You know, I'm, I'm from Srilanka. I learned from the best. 1051 01:01:32,540 --> 01:01:35,360 If anything, please, please do not think 1052 01:01:35,360 --> 01:01:37,580 of it as me leaving. 1053 01:01:38,990 --> 01:01:41,750 Think of it as you gaining independence from me.