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[gentle music playing]
[church bells toll]
[woman] Happiness is right here.
Four-hundred steps above Our Savior's church,
with no panties on… with Emil.
-I'm so in love with you! -[both laughing]
He just said he's in love with me.
[camera clicking]
[laughs softly]
[upbeat Danish folk music playing]
I do think that most of us long to have a deep connection with another person.
[screaming and laughing]
To belong to someone.
Someone who stays, even when things get tough,
when everything turns stupid and ugly.
[music fades out]
[upbeat pop music playing]
[woman 1] Things almost didn't work out between me and Emil.
Because the first time we met, I didn't even notice him.
-[woman 2] Congrats on your book! -Thanks.
-[woman 2] We are really big fans. -Aw, really?
My best friend, Gro, decided to bring him along.
-[woman 1] Hi, Gro! -Here you are.
-My favorite bubbly. -Good job, hon.
Aw. Thank you, girlfriend.
-Ahh! -[man] Congrats, Mia.
But I just need to pop out quickly. I need to charge the car.
-[Gro] The battery's full. -Yeah, but I wanna try.
We bought a Tesla.
-[Mia] Right. -[Gro] Hurry back.
Bye.
-Mia, this is Emil. He lives upstairs. -Hey.
Hi. Hi. Mia.
-Congrats on your book. -Thanks!
Yeah, Emil really needed to get out. Divorced and lacking vitamin D, yeah?
-That's right. On the brink of scurvy. -[Mia] Hmm. [laughs]
-Scurvy? -Yeah. It's a bit of an odd, old word.
[Mia] That's how I described him as well. He was odd, and old.
[glass clinking]
[indistinct chatter]
[woman 3] Dear Mia, it's finally out. Tour de force.
A story of how, um… Rebecca has struggled with love.
I really love working with you as your editor,
but I am pleased to also call you one of my best friends.
[laughs awkwardly]
-Come on up. -[applause and cheering]
You got this!
"Rebecca always knew how to be in love."
"She knew how to be a dream, a fantasy,
but she didn't know how to be someone's girlfriend."
"Again, she had fallen for an immature man,
afraid to commit this time."
"The man didn't say anything, still she heard him thinking,
'Let me break away from that discouraged, foolish, anxious desperado.'"
[laughing]
Yeah.
"So, back in the saddle, Rebecca. Swipe, swipe, swipe."
[cheering]
-["Skank" by Tessa playing] -[indistinct chatter]
[Mia] But I didn't notice Emil.
I only noticed… this guy.
[panting]
[man moaning]
[dance music continues in distance]
Do you wanna come to my place and… listen to some wine
or listen to some records and drink wine?
I've got school tomorrow.
-Oh, are you… in college? -Yeah.
No, I'm in high school.
[both laugh awkwardly]
-I'm a junior. -[belt buckle jangles]
I go to Rysensteen.
[dance music rises]
[music halts]
[Mia] Okay… "Wake up and smell the coffee."
Some people love saying that.
But not me. No way, Jose. That just isn't me.
I'd probably still be screwing teenagers in public restrooms,
-had it not been for Gro's insistence… -[phone ringing]
[Gro] Go out for coffee with him, Mia, for God's sake!
He's sweet and decent, and he's really into you.
-What's wrong with him? -There's nothing wrong with him.
Wouldn't it be nice to date an adult for once in your life?
And will you quit saying that he's old!
You're the same age, Mia.
So I became an archaeologist instead.
-Really? An archaeologist? Crazy. -Yeah.
So do you go digging in Egypt with your tiny instruments?
[both laugh]
Not that. It's actually more like, computer screens,
and Excel.
The Glyptotek Museum. I'm an exhibition director.
-By the way, I read your book. -Okay?
-Yep. -You're a… really fast reader.
I don't know. I have plenty of time
when I'm… not with the kids.
[Mia] Oh no. He's got kids.
Gro told you about that, right?
-Uh, no. She forgot. -Okay.
But, but… It really is fine…
Relax. I won't bore you with pictures of them.
-You're safe. -[both laugh]
-Um… -Oh, this is the spot.
-Okay. Sure thing. -Hmm?
This is nice.
When you write, do your… personal experiences
shape Rebecca's character?
Yeah, I take stuff from my own life, then I fictionalize it, and you know,
it turns into something different.
That's cool.
I don't have Instagram, so you can guess that I'm pretty private.
Shit.
-What? -Umm…
-What? -Can I just…
What's going on?
-What'd you say? -Can I hide behind you?
Umm… yeah?
That guy with a bike coming towards you, we dated for half a year.
Okay.
Is he dangerous or something?
Okay, he sees you.
Now he has stopped at us.
-Hi! -[man] Hi.
Would you tell the woman trying to hide that I want my Prince records back?
-Um… -Um…
Hi, Jeppe.
Oh, right. Um, sorry about your records. I promise I'll send them over to you.
Is that really it?
[scoffs]
-What should I… say? -Uh…
Apologize for how you chose to leave me?
Uhh… [laughs awkwardly]
-[Jeppe] Good luck with her, man. -[Mia] Come on, Jeppe! I promise.
I will definitely give you back your Prince records, I swear.
-[Jeppe] Forget it. I've got Spotify. -But…
[scoffs]
Ugh, no.
I'm really sorry you had to see that.
No, please. It was a wonderful moment.
[sighs]
Maybe I've just been with a lot of idiots.
-Can I fight him? -[sighs] Yeah.
-Okay. Let's go. -Yeah…
[both laugh]
Anyway. What I wanted to say about your book is that you're really funny.
-[chuckles] -Yeah.
And I love the parts where you question social structures.
Quite clever. Using humor.
[chuckles lightly]
Say that again.
-Say what? -"Social structures."
Social structures.
It's so sexy how your mouth says those words.
I've been told that.
-[chuckles] Mm. -That's why I slip it into conversation.
Social structures.
[Mia] Okay, he was really sweet and intelligent and mature.
But that wouldn't stop me from ditching him.
-He's got two kids! -[man 1] No!
Is that settling? Is that too mature? I don't know.
But then I went to see my brother and his boyfriend,
who actually know how to be a couple.
So what if he has kids, what does it matter?
Yeah. I mean, people have kids.
So what?
Well we don't, but other people have kids, Mia.
-We're just probably different. -So are we.
It took me three years to really get Andreas' humor.
"Oh, you're not callous, you're being ironic now."
-Mm. Keep believing that, honey. -Yeah.
[all chuckling]
But seriously though,
for once it's someone we can have a glass of red wine with.
God, that dude from college. Ew.
-Who? -Remember him?
No, he went to high school! He was in high school.
No! That guy who played in a band and had daddy issues.
[man 1] And threw up all over my kilim rug.
Yeah, and drank my expensive Barolo, a Christmas gift from the ministry.
-[man 1] True. -Cut it out!
Ew! And you fucked in the bathroom! No!
-What? -[man 2] Sorry!
-Sorry. -Don't tell him! He can't handle it.
[man 1] I want to hear this.
I bleached and hot-cycled all the towels.
-Don't worry about it, my love. -Great.
Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot I couldn't tell anyone that.
All right, I hear you. I just date younger.
-Well, cheers to a younger man. -No.
-I'm being ironic, honey. -[man 1] Good.
Cheers.
[Mia] Suddenly, I hit my thirties,
and I decided that I had nothing to lose, so I gave "odd and old" a chance.
-[gentle jazz music playing] -[ice clattering]
What… What are you doing?
Well, I'm just making… Can you tell what it is? A napkin flower.
[Mia] It's beautiful.
-Thank you. -Where'd you learn that?
I took a three-month origami course in Kyoto just a little while back.
-What? -Mm-hm. Yeah.
I'm lying.
I learned on YouTube.
[both laugh softly]
-You idiot. -I know, I know.
You have a lovely laugh.
Thanks.
For you.
-Thanks. -You're welcome.
-[music fades out] -[indistinct background chatter]
[upbeat violin music playing]
[laughs lightly]
[both laugh softly]
-[violin music continues] -[Mia laughs]
Oh, yeah!
[Emil] Be serious.
No!
Hey! You're incredible!
[Mia pants]
-[music stops] -[phone ringing]
Don't stop. Don't stop. Don't stop.
[sighs]
-I'm sorry. -What?
I've gotta take it. It's Katrine's ringtone.
-What? -Might be important. I'll just check.
Hey, you okay?
[woman speaking indistinctly over phone]
Now?
Okay, bye. Bye.
Um… They're coming up.
-Coming up? -Felix and Selma.
Wh…?
I'm really… really crazy about you,
but I think it's just a little early to introduce you to them.
-I think. -Yes, of course. Of course.
-Right! Um… -Can we… Yes!
-You have everything. -My pants.
Pants. Right here. Here.
-Ah. -Ouch.
No, no, no, no! The back stairs.
[footsteps approaching]
[Mia laughs lightly]
-[Felix] Dad! -[knocking]
[Selma] Dad?
Okay.
-[Emil] Did you have a nice day? -[Selma] I've got a booger.
[Emil] On your finger?
Look at that.
Go wash your hand and then I'll pour you some lemonade.
-[Felix] But dad? -Yup?
[Felix] Selma says Brother is a name. There's no damn way, right?
Hey, hey. Mind your language. Sis is a name too.
It means sister, Felix.
-Yeah. -So… Well, this is for you.
That's so weird.
-Dad, who does this toothbrush belong to? -Yeah, whose toothbrush is it?
[Emil] Good question.
Um…
It is… Yeah, it belongs to a woman named, uh… Mia.
It's… her toothbrush.
[Felix] But why didn't she take it with her when she left?
-[romantic music] -[Emil sighs]
That's a… very good question.
-[Selma] Dad, you're blushing! -Yeah.
[Selma] You're weird.
[Emil] Yes, I'm a little weird.
But that's only because Mia makes me very happy.
[gentle music]
By the way, did Mom remember to shower you with kisses
while you were staying with her? Do I have to do it every time?
[Selma and Felix laugh]
-[children laughing] -[sighs]
There. Okay, so please don't get mad at me.
But just by smelling it, I can tell this is the one.
-[Gro] That's right. -[Mia] Hi.
-Hi? -Hi.
-[Mia] Hello? -Oh.
What a surprise this is.
-Hi. -Hi.
-[man] Yeah… -Good morning.
-[Gro] Morning. -What's up?
Did you come from upstairs, you slut?
-Yes, I did. -[Gro] Do you want coffee?
-[Mia] Yes, please. -[Gro] Thanks.
-So tell us, what's up? -He keeps getting sweeter and sweeter.
-I told you. -And we're having so much great sex.
-Hallelujah, sister. -I mean, I'm honestly not surprised.
We are all real fuckboys in this building.
-Don't say fuckboy in front of Vester. -Why not?
He inherited it from his dad.
-[Gro] Hmm. -[man] Isn't that right?
-Are you a little fuckboy? -No, honey. Stop!
-Can you say fuckboy? -You can't.
-Stop it. -Fuck boy.
-Hell yeah! -[Gro] No, cut it out.
[drink pouring]
So, you're going to be a bonus mom.
-Plastic mom. -No, not yet…
No, cardboard mom. What do they call it?
-I don't know. -Oh.
Well, I mean, I have to meet them first, and then we'll see, I guess.
God!
-Crazy role! -Mm-hmm.
It's either the evil stepmom or the sweet and caring one, right?
Those are the two you pick from.
Not great options.
Yeah. I'll try sweet and caring one, or...
the do-gooder, you know, who sings along with the kids.
-Like that film. -The Sound of Music?
No, no. The one with the umbrella and the bag.
-Uhh… yeah, yeah. Mary Poppins. -Yes!
Mary-fucking-Poppins! I'll be her then.
[both laugh]
-Everybody likes her. -Mm.
Ah… Could that be a book?
The whole… bonus mom. Liked by all?
I mean, it's juicy.
And it's something that a lot of people can actually relate to.
-Mm. -Yours, mine, our children.
A huge audience.
[laughing] Rikke!
I haven't even met them and you're already capitalizing on it!
[Mia chuckles]
-Is it too much? -No.
You nervous?
-Let's do this, come on. -Yeah, we got it.
Good.
Unfortunately, they're hiding
so I'm not really sure where they could be.
Oh dear.
-Yeah. -What a shame, then.
Yeah.
'Cause I brought jumbo chocolate bars for them.
-Well… -[Selma] Felix!
-She brought jumbo chocolate bars! Open! -[Mia chuckles]
-Hi, there. -[Selma] Hello.
This is Mia.
I've really been looking forward to meeting you guys.
I've brought these chocolates for you.
[Emil] But you guys don't really like chocolate, do you?
-We do. -[Mia chuckles lightly]
[sighs]
[clears throat] Would you…
Would you both like to show me where you play?
[gasps] You know I can actually juggle three balls.
-You can? -Mm-hmm.
-What? -Just like a clown does.
-Really? -Can I try your shoes on?
Of course! I think they'll look really good on you.
[Felix] It's in here. Dad told us to tidy up, because you were coming.
[Mia laughs] They look great.
See you, Mia.
-See you. -[Mia] Bye, bye.
-See ya. -[Emil] Go wait on the mat. I'm coming.
[gentle music playing]
That went great, huh?
Back in two.
[Selma and Felix chatting]
-[music fades out] -Hey, can I ask you something?
[Emil] Mm-hmm.
Have you made up your mind yet about not having any more kids or…
Nah.
-Okay. -No, I'm still open to it.
Why's that?
It's just that I would love to have a baby at some point.
With you.
I love that you do.
So, you want to make a baby?
-[Mia laughing] -[soft music playing]
9 MONTHS LATER
[baby crying]
[crying gets louder]
Sh.
-[Mia] Want me to braid your hair? -My stockings are itchy.
Stop thinking about it, they'll stop itching.
[Emil] Felix. You packed for school? We gotta go.
-[Felix] Um, what day is it? -What day is it? It's Wednesday.
-Wednesday? -[Emil] Yeah.
Fuck! His gym clothes aren't ready. I forgot all about them. Shit!
Felix, give me my phone.
Thank you. Go pack your bag for school.
Why do you call it "gym clothes" when it's called "PE"?
[Emil] Because I'm an old fart. We used to call them "gym clothes."
[Felix shouts indistinctly]
[Selma] Dad! We're going to be late!
-[Emil] Honey, you find it? -Yeah.
-[Emil] Can we have them, please? -One sec!
Shit!
[Felix] Come on, Dad!
I'm coming now. I just need to grab the gym clothes. I mean…
[Mia] I think we should get help.
Yeah. Yeah.
[female doctor] Okay?
I'm just worried I'm the issue. Emil already has two kids.
It's obvious he's not the one causing the issues here.
[sighs] The public system would've taken forever
so we're grateful you could see us so quickly.
-You know what? -[Mia] Mmm.
Everything's fine and completely healthy.
-Really? -[doctor] Yes, really.
So you can get up and get dressed now.
Thank you.
-Thanks. -There you go.
[knocking]
[Emil] Hello.
It's huge here.
Sorry we didn't have a chair for you.
That's okay. No worries.
[doctor] We actually finished already.
-[Emil] Really? Yeah. -Yes.
Everything looks fine and healthy.
Yeah. Fine and healthy.
-Mm-hmm. -Great.
Right, Mia. I've added a couple of prescriptions for you.
You'll start the treatment by taking some tablets,
that will help your eggs mature.
Then you'll be called in for an ultrasound scan
and we'll schedule the injections to trigger ovulation.
After that, we'll inseminate you with Emil's sperm after 36 hours.
After that, you'll be given suppositories that will strengthen your vaginal mucus.
Okay? That's it.
-Great! -Great!
-Yeah. -[doctor] Everything's fine.
-We can't wait. -Yeah!
-Or… Yeah. [laughs] -Yeah. [laughs]
[Mia] She's a giant sun shining down on her entire family.
She's a fucking Messiah spreading light and joy on everyone around her.
She's the Savior. The bonus mom sent from above.
She cares for two kids.
For two kids I haven't… given birth to,
but who I love… but haven't given birth to.
BONUS MOM COMEDY
[sighs]
FOR TWO KIDS I LOVE, BUT HAVEN'T GIVEN BIRTH TO…
[Mia] Honey?
Emil?
Emil.
Emil, honey. You fell asleep.
-Come on. We have to… -[groans softly]
Okay. Yeah. Sorry.
[Mia] I just don't understand why it takes you so long
to tuck them into bed every single night.
No.
They said 36 hours before.
Honey, 35 or 36, does it… matter?
How should I know?
No. Um…
This one should be turned
this way.
-[Mia] Yes. -[Emil] Up to...
250.
Oh. That's not good.
There's an air bubble.
-But the… -That's dangerous?
But didn't the nurse explain it to you. Remember?
-Should it be there? Okay. -Well, I don't know, but…
But a small one isn't dangerous.
Okay, it's a small one.
-Yeah. Just do it. -Right. Okay.
Okay. [clears throat]
[both breathing heavily]
Counting.
-One. Two. -One. Two.
-Three. Four. Five. -Three. Four. Five.
There!
Did it hurt?
-Nope. I hardly felt it. -What?
Badass!
[enchanting music playing]
[clears throat]
Oh, I have an idea.
[laughing]
Is this the right size for your fireworks?
[doctor] You can step down now.
-Right. But… -[female nurse] You can sit up.
Will it come out?
-You can sit up. Don't worry about that. -Okay.
Thanks.
[nurse] There you go.
-[nurse] Oh. -Oh, hey.
[exhales]
[door closes]
Sorry. I had to go downstairs.
We've already performed the insemination procedure.
Okay?
[doctor] Yeah.
Well, great. So… It's done?
-How'd it go? -It's hard to say at this point.
But let's hope that it works out for you.
The sperm sample wasn't… too bad.
No? Why do you say that?
The sample contained nine million sperm cells, give or take.
-Okay! -Good.
The average is around 15 million.
Okay. Um… But I have two children already.
Yes, well, um… Men's sperm quality may deteriorate.
-Many are unaware. -So it's normal?
[doctor] Mia, I'm going to give you a new prescription.
[Mia] Honey!
The doctor said nine million was fine, okay?
He didn't say that.
Emil! Emil, wait a sec.
Please let me just return this chair. Was it here?
[man] Shut the door!
Hon…
-This place is a god-damn maze! -Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Sure there are only be nine million, but already, I'm in love with them.
They were just ejected straight up into me at exactly the same time.
-Pew! -[Emil laughs]
It'll be okay.
[gentle, optimistic music playing]
[chuckles]
-[laughs] -It's pretty nice here. Come on.
[Mia panting and groaning]
[knocking]
[woman] Are you okay in there?
Uh, yeah.
Is it consensual?
Um, yeah! Yeah. For sure!
-[woman] Wonderful. Thank God. -Thanks for asking.
-[Mia] Thanks. -Knock yourselves out!
[Mia] Thanks!
[both laughing]
-Wait, was that Anne Marie Helger? -I think so.
-I think it was her. -[both laughing]
-[Felix] That as fast as you run? -[Selma] Wait!
Careful, don't fall. Especially you, Felix.
-Especially you, Felix! -Viggo!
Hey, sweetie?
-What? -I feel like I might vomit.
-Oh? That's annoying. -No! I feel nauseous!
-Really? -And my breasts are sore.
-This one? -Ouch!
[both giggle]
-Let's go home and pamper you. -Hey!
I hate these forced parent things. They're boring.
I want to meet the other parents.
Why would you? That's weird!
Come, come! We're starting. Could you join us, please?
-Yeah, we're coming! -Sure.
That's Oscar's mom.
She's great if you want to be recruited to all kinds of different committees.
-Come on. -Mm-hmm.
-[children playing and screaming] -[indistinct chatter]
[Oscar] Who are you?
Um, I am actually Selma and Felix's bonus mom.
-Hi. I'm Oscar. -Nice!
Hi. I'll just start by saying that it's important we don't sit with
the same people we usually sit with.
And a gentle reminder to all
that I still need volunteers for the Halloween party committee this fall.
Now, let's dig into the lovely buffet!
[applause]
It's important all the kids love it.
-This year I really want to go all out. -Hi.
Hi!
[Felix] Do you want chocolate marshmallows?
-Can't catch me! -[Emil] No, no, no, no! Felix.
My plan is for all the kids to interact because it creates a sense of inclusion.
-Yeah. -This goes for the parents as well.
-[man] Hi. I'm Søren's dad. -Hi, yeah, Mia.
I mean, it's really important.
All the children must feel included.
[woman 1] But perhaps we could organize it and together make a little spreadsheet?
-[woman 2] Great idea. -Would you like a glass?
-Oh, no thank you. -[Oscar's mom] Oh.
-Wait a minute, are you pregnant? -Uh… Well, it's a bit too soon to say.
-Thrilling! Congratulations! -[laughing] Thanks.
-Um… -Um, er… Oscar's mom?
Yeah?
I'd like to volunteer for the party committee.
-That's amazing! Thank you! -Mm-hmm.
[Mia] Oh, I really have to go now!
Hang on.
Here.
Take it.
[Mia squeals]
[pee trickles]
Eee.
Okay…
[sighs]
There.
-You sleep well? -Shh.
-I think the floor heater might be broken. -Honey. No talking.
Yeah.
[Emil sighs]
Oh, well.
[slow, melancholic music playing]
It's okay.
Is it though?
Yeah, sure. I guess.
Yeah.
Come here.
[kisses]
[Mia sighs heavily]
[man] And here you have lavender.
Just breathe.
Well, I read that… Danish men's sperm count halved in the last 40 years.
-[man] Breathe in. -What?
What's wrong with Danish men? What are they doing wrong?
They all drink while lying down with their laptops resting on their nuts.
No, no. But they say the sperm quality deteriorates in the womb.
Oh, so, blame all of the mothers. Of course!
-Shhhh! -It's…
Sorry.
Pine?
[liquid sizzles]
Good for your lungs.
And the digestion. And here comes the heat. There you go.
Seriously, it's an epidemic.
It's a real threat to humanity.
True, or it offers a solution to climate change.
Depends on your perspective.
-[Mia and Gro laugh] -[Rikke] Shush!
Shh.
-Sorry. -Sorry.
[man] Please remember, you need to be silent.
-Yeah… -[man] And here comes the heat.
I mean, it's so fucked, it's just that…
It's me that's been getting the treatment with all those hormones and injections
when the issue's Emil.
-[woman] Please be quiet. -[Mia] Sorry,
[gentle, tense music playing]
[Mia] I know I sound annoying, but I've counted the time
and we had sex 12 hours ago, right?
They told us at the clinic
that there should always be sperm in the uterus.
-Constantly. -We have sex constantly, honey.
Okay? My dick hurts. We fucked twice yesterday and last night.
We do it a lot.
We need to have sex today in order to help our chances.
Oof… Our chances? That makes me horny.
-I love it when you talk dirty. -It's not funny, Emil. It really isn't!
I'm the only one taking initiative and now the day's nearly over,
I could be ovulating right now.
The day's not almost over. It's not even two!
-We can fuck when we get home. -They said during the day! The day!
-Not the afternoon, Emil. -Just… stop.
Stop! It's too much. Enough. You're hysterical.
[indistinct chatter]
Mia?
Mia. Honey?
Honey? Stop! Where are you going?
What are you doing?
If I'm hysterical, there's no reason for us to be together.
Honey. Honey!
I didn't mean it.
I'm sorry. Truly.
I'm not… hysterical.
I'm worried these appointments, and injections, and all the… hard work
will just be a waste,
and we will miss… an ovulation period
just because we are a little over having sex.
Your sperm count has dropped to only four million this time.
I know what my count is, okay, Mia?
[sighs]
I really hate how this is ruining our sex life,
because I love having sex with you.
I'm just afraid that… I don't turn you on anymore.
Come on.
[winces]
I'm so freaking sore.
Can I do anything?
[sighs] Yeah.
Okay, that's nice.
Kiss me on the neck.
-Mm. -[Emil groans in pain]
[Emil groans]
Um…
[Emil sighs]
Wanna watch porn?
-Porn? No. -No, okay.
No. I just thought it might help.
Okay, or…
We… We could try that.
Yeah?
Or… Do you really want to?
-[laughs] Yeah, yeah. Yeah. -Okay.
All right.
Uh… "Horny Stepmother."
Boom.
-[sighs] Okay. -Mm-hmm.
[woman 1] I'm ready for you.
If I could just… get this stocking off.
-I've been wanting this for some time. -Maybe fast-forward it a bit.
-Yeah? -Get to where… where the action is.
[Mia clears throat]
-[woman moaning] -[upbeat music playing]
Uh.
-Hmm. -Oh.
-Whoa! -Wow!
-Right. I'll find something else. -Yes, please.
-Okay. -[woman 2 on phone] Oh yeah…
[woman 2 moaning]
You watch porn?
[moaning continues]
Not exactly. One stumbles across it from time to time.
You've stumbled on PornTube?
Say that again.
-What? PornTube? -[chuckles softly]
Your mouth looks sexy when you say to me "PornTube."
-Really? -Uh-huh.
[moaning softly]
Huh. I think… It's working.
-That did the trick. -Wait. Wait a minute.
Okay.
Ouch!
[both moaning]
You're so hot.
-I'm about to come. I'm coming! -Yes!
[groans] You're incredible! Ow, goddamn it!
[Emil groaning]
[Mia] Okay. Up, up.
-Get up. Help me. -Okay.
Good.
Okay.
[Mia] We need to think of a new plan.
We have to drink less wine and we must start eating more fish.
-Okay. -And you have to immediately
stop wearing those tight briefs.
I'm also getting acupuncture, and I think you should too.
-Yeah, fine. Let's just… -Ah!
Hon. Let's go… sit down for at bit and just…
I just need to replace this.
Okay.
-You need help? -No! And smoking at parties is a no-go.
-I've stopped that. -Emil, you haven't.
-I have. Seriously. -You smoked last weekend, right?
Don't force it. Let me help--
You can improve your sperm count in three months.
You can do something about it if you want to.
Honey… Honey!
-Why are these bags so weird and small? -I know. Sorry.
I thought they were the big ones. They can actually fit in there,
but you have to do it slow.
I must remember to relax.
I can't worry about it so much, because obviously my body can't…
All the stress that gets internalized, my body starts to feel it.
And that's bad because…
Honey, you're tearing all the bags apart. Will you let me? Perhaps? Can I try?
Go and change your briefs.
Yep. I'm on it.
[unsettling music playing]
-[chicken whimpering] -[Gro] That one is sitting on nothing.
She's broody.
But that's because she thinks she's already sitting on one
so she won't make eggs.
It can go on like that forever, unless you help them snap out of it,
you know?
Sometimes, you can just put a bucket over their heads too. That fixes it.
A bucket? Isn't that cruel?
Well, after 24 hours, they're de-brooded.
[smacking lips]
-[Mia] Broody is a ridiculous word. -This way. There's Mom.
Simon's also broody just all the time.
He told Vester we're trying to make a sister.
-I don't know… -What?
Yeah. I don't know if I want another.
So… Will you be taking responsibility for your own kids now?
[Gro] Yes we will. Does anybody want some campfire bread?
-Yeah. -[Gro] Yeah?
-Right. Let's do that. Come with me. -Unbaked dough, clothes reeking.
Hey, Gro. Can one get white wine at your workplace?
[Gro] Rikke, seriously? his is a family playground.
Yeah! And that's why you ought to have a stash.
You've been invited to the Gothenburg Book Fair.
-[Mia] Oh? -For a reading and an interview on stage.
-That's great! -Mm-hmm.
That's actually perfect!
I really need some more money. It's expensive to do fertility treatment.
Thank you for the draft.
Did you like it?
-You didn't like it. -Do you like it? That's the question.
Ah, that's an annoying question, Rikke. Really.
-I'm struggling with it. -No, listen. You're in the crap phase.
That's nothing new to you. You really stink!
I know you absolutely hate losing control,
you just keep pushing through the beginning.
-Mm. -Mm-hmm.
-You're saying I stink. -Damn right!
[both laugh]
-Pff. -Ugh.
Well, you're totally right.
I really can't seem to get a handle on it 'cause I'm uninspired.
Bonus mom comedy.
Remind me again why we thought this was a good idea.
It's a really good idea.
It doesn't feel like a comedy.
It doesn't have to be funny if it isn't.
It's the authenticity that I feel… is lacking.
Ugh. You're so annoying when you're right! [laughs]
Right. So could my cold and wise editor leave
so I can hang out with my nice friend Rikke, please?
No! Okay.
Let's talk about my birthday. Tell me what you'll be wearing. Shut up!
Uh, I'll be wearing a fantastic dream of a dress.
It's to die for.
[Emil] We did it.
[Felix] Yeah!
[Mia] She's grateful that she liked the children from the start.
[Emil] Yeah!
-Actually liked them. -[Felix] New level!
And they liked her.
-[Emil] Yeah! -[Felix] Yeah!
[Emil laughs]
[Selma] Dad, can you hand me the egg tray?
[Emil] Umm…
It felt natural to be with them.
Nice and warm.
-[Felix] Yes! Yes! -[Emil] Yeah, man!
Which one?
-[Selma] The green paint. -Uh… Oh, right. We used it.
Umm… Here it is. The dark green one? You don't want pink?
-[Selma] That one. -[Emil] Oh, that one.
["Sweet Expectations" by Speaker Bite Me playing]
♪ Sweet expectations ♪
♪ I'd love to see What you could do if I-- ♪
-Boo! -[music quietens]
[gasping]
Selma, you scared me.
I'm trying to work, okay?
-I just really wanted to show you my mask. -[music clicks off]
Yeah, but not right now, Selma.
[Felix] Here we go. Oo!
-[Emil] Agh. -[Felix]Three, two... Come on!
-[Emil] What's up? -[Selma] She doesn't want to see.
What's going on?
I just want to work in peace, okay?
But there are constant interruptions and noise. I just…
-Mm-hmm. -I can't focus. I… It's stressing me out.
We'll try to be quiet but they need their space when they're here.
[door closes]
[Mia] If you don't have a child, do you then remain a child?
["Sweet Expectations" by Speaker Bite Me resumes]
[music fades out]
How about we postpone the test until after Rikke's birthday party on Saturday?
-You want to wait that long? -Sure. We're happier when we're hopeful.
We'll actually enjoy ourselves. This'll cheer us up.
Getting a positive result will also make us happy.
-[indistinct chatter] -[smooth jazz music playing]
["The Creeps" by Camille Jones and Fedde Le Grand playing]
♪ The creeps, oh ♪
Aren't you both trying for a kid?
-Yep. We are. -Okay. Right.
-We took a test this morning. Negative. -No! Shit! I'm so sorry.
Damn.
-And yourself? How are you? -Well, I mean, uh…
How about us? We fuck like rabbits.
Um… We're looking at buying a four-man tent.
You can attach it to the Tesla.
For camping, it's great.
It's just one of the many accessories a Tes--
-Oh! -Sorry.
[music fades]
[Mia] Whoa!
Can't a person have a couple seconds of privacy in this damn party?
[Emil] I just want to say hi, honey.
Turns out I can't pee alone.
I can't have a...a... a normal, relaxing day at home
to just snuggle up and watch TV
without having the kids smother us
because all of us must sit on the same fucking sofa!
-Yeah… -Could we get a bigger sofa?
Uhh, nope. We can't actually,
because it messes with Emil's very fancy aesthetics.
Correct. We don't have room for a big sofa.
We don't have room to add a giant sofa?
We really don't.
What about me?
-What about you? -Then where do I fit…
Do I fit in there?
[sighs] Let's… um… call it a night, yeah?
"Let's, uh, call it a night, yeah? Uhh?"
Wow.
Let's instead call it "boring policeman Emil."
Stinky Emil. Pig stench!
I'm not going home.
-Okay. -Night is young.
Perhaps some water would help you… sober up?
Screw that!
[faucet running]
Okay.
Wait, what?
You're so immature!
-[Emil] I'm getting us a taxi, honey. -[music gets louder]
Hey!
I think it's so unfair that your sperm worked with Katrine, but not with me!
Honey! Let's not talk about this when you're fucking drunk! Let's go home.
-Stop. You don't even want to talk to me! -Please, honey.
Yes I do.
[Mia hissing]
What's going on? Stop that. Get a grip!
Don't you dare tell me to get a grip!
Don't get a grip then.
-But we're going home. Come. -[crying] No! No!
-Okay… -I don't want to go home!
-Mia, why don't you want to come? -Fuck you!
Honey!
You are such a pain in the ass!
["Sweet Expectations" by Speaker Bite Me playing]
♪ Free, free, free, free, free Free, free, free, free, free ♪
[music fades]
[distorted music rises]
[music fades]
[church bells tolling]
[sniffles]
[groans lightly]
[sighs]
Fuck.
[indistinct chatter]
Fuck.
[breathing heavily]
[Emil] Good morning.
Shit, I was wasted last night.
Mm-hmm.
-I just… -Could you please, um… sit?
I'm feeling very sheepish.
And piggish.
-Hmm. -Have you eaten? I can make some toast.
-Or there's… -Can I… Can we just talk about, um…
Can we talk?
Yes, of course.
I just feel that, sometimes, that to you I'm just a second thought.
-I'm here for you in all this… -Of course you are…
Even if I don't always show my feelings very well.
-I know, honey. And I'm sorry that I-- -Can I… Can I finish?
Your anger, it's driving… us apart.
It feels like you dwell on all this anger by yourself
instead of us calmly talking about it,
which leads you to… blow up on us.
[phone ringing]
Might be the kids.
Answer it.
-Hi, Katrine. -Hi, Emil.
Oh, are they? Happy Mother's Day. Right. That's right.
[laughs] They're so cute. I see. That's right.
-[Andreas] Hi. You're on speakerphone. -Hi.
-[Andreas] Hey. -[Mehmet] Hi!
Last night… I really fucking messed up with some… random dude.
[Andreas] What?
Emil and I had a huge fight, and I was hammered,
and then I almost made out with some guy.
Okay. So, Mia… Uh… When you say "almost," does that mean you cheated or no?
[man laughs]
[both moaning]
What's your name?
You never told me.
[tense music plays]
The point is that I stopped it, right?
I… I… I didn't do it. That's something the old Mia would've done,
but I didn't. We only kissed!
Nice. That's fantastic, Mia.
[sighs] I have to tell Emil, don't I?
Yeah. He'll be so thrilled to hear it, I mean…
[Mehmet] No, no, no. Be quiet, Andreas.
Mia. Mia, Mia, Mia. Deep breaths.
Don't do anything drastic.
Wait, so…
You're saying it was a drunken mistake with some random dude, right?
Yeah, of course. I want to have a child with this man.
I love Emil.
That's why I feel he deserves to know the truth.
No, hon! Don't tell the truth. Ever!
-Encouraging. -Listen to people who've been there.
Shit happens, Mia, all right?
One learns to live with it, I mean…
with the guilt, the shame, and the grief and…
I just really feel like I should tell him.
[Andreas] Why? That's only to clear your own guilty conscience.
[Mehmet] Okay, so listen.
Perhaps you should think about why you threw yourself at someone else.
[Andreas] Exactly.
[Mehmet] What are you running away from, Mia?
Christ. I mean, how'd you guys get so cool?
[Mehmet] Our mistakes.
Because I stupidly screwed Christian from the digital agency, Mia.
[Mehmet] But we talked it through in therapy, thankfully
so always remember…
I feel a quote from hell coming on.
-Look, love is a verb. -Yeah.
Not a permanent state of enthusiasm.
So says Esther Perel. And that means…
Fall in love with a stupid man.
-Yeah? Thomas Helmig. -[sighs]
-[Mehmet] Mia, it'll be fine. -[Andreas] Yeah, it'll be just fine.
[Mehmet] Right. Did we tell you we've found a different agency?
Still in Colombia, but with a much wider selection
of surrogate mothers.
That's great.
-[Andreas] Awesome! -[Mehmet] Yeah.
[Andreas] We had to take out a mortgage.
You'll have to tell me more about it later.
I'll keep my fingers crossed, but I have to go now, okay?
[phone disconnects]
-I think she was really happy for us. -Yeah.
[children playing outside]
[Mia] I'm sorry.
Can't hear you.
-I'm sorry! -Mm. No.
I can't hear you.
Let's try this again.
[bucket thuds on ground]
What did you say?
Sorry I was stupid.
-I was too. -I was stupider.
Yeah, you were.
[Mia sighs]
You were.
[kisses]
[Mia exhales]
Don't be mad, please.
[inhales deeply] But, um…
[tense music playing]
It's just, you know, when I… ran away and left you...
-I… -Yeah. Could… we agree that you won't…
run away from me anymore?
I won't run from you.
[Emil] Hmm.
I love you.
So much.
I love you more.
[Emil chuckles softly]
[gentle, romantic music playing]
Should this boring policeman make breakfast?
We can sit on the sofa, our tiny sofa, eat breakfast.
[Mia shushes]
Or we could call it a night.
-You were… such a big pain! -No! Don't say it!
I have never seen anything like it before!
[laughing] Don't say that!
Well, Mia.
Uh, could we wait for Emil before we begin?
[doctor] Yeah, no problem.
[door bangs]
[Emil sighs deeply]
There!
Well… [clears throat] …Mia. Unfortunately, all three inseminations were unsuccessful.
So the next step is IVF treatment,
where we fertilize the egg in a lab, then place it back in the uterus.
So you'll have to go through yet another hormone treatment,
done through an injection to, uh,
prevent things like ovulation.
There are some common side effects. The experience could be unpleasant.
You can read about it in this brochure.
Um… Now you're doing it again.
-Mm… Doing what? -You're only addressing me.
Emil's here for this too.
You… never address the two of us.
I know that it's my body in the arena for this whole arrangement,
but perhaps everyone could at least contribute intellectually here.
-Honey, it's okay. -[Mia] No, this is not okay!
It's not right to treat a man or parent like they're some second-rate individual
in all of this.
Gender equality is a duty that starts here, right now, in the system!
Right? You only look at me, you only talk to me,
all while Emil follows from behind with his sperm in a tiny cup, yeah?
Look at him! Talk to him! Give him an assignment.
Give him a voice. Give him a fucking chair to sit!
[sighs]
I mean… How hard is that?
Give him a chair!
Why is there never a chair?
-A chair would be nice. -[Mia sighs]
Well, then I'll tell you, Emil.
The new injections probably won't make the mood swings any better.
[indistinct chatter]
[soothing music playing]
Ow!
Fuck!
So, tell me, why is Rebecca so… desperate to remain being an object?
It's because that's all she's ever learned.
The world looks at the majority of young female bodies in a sexual manner.
She's valued for being young, smart, gorgeous and fertile.
And the humiliation when that gaze is no longer there can be extremely painful
for some women,
because… then what are you?
Um… The man passes through life more unseen.
It's, um… like… being seen versus being watched,
which are the two vastly different views that happen to us all.
Well, I think many of us here would like to know what's next.
Will we see more of Rebecca's escapades?
No, I'm actually… afraid not.
Um, I'm writing a novel that's all about life as a bonus mom.
Um… but… yeah. To be honest, I am just a little stuck
at the moment on this. So…
Oh, very interesting for you
because I spoke to the amazing Knausgård too
on how he handles writer's block.
Oh, I'm not actually going through or experiencing any, uh, writer's block.
Um… Yeah, I write constantly.
But I can only write about some very private thoughts or...
Yeah, it's almost diary-like stuff, um…
[sighs] Some…
Some…?
Um… yeah, about all kinds of stuff. Um...
Self-loathing and shame.
Yeah, because, we are…
or I am…
there are many, so… it's almost an epidemic.
Um.
I mean, so many of us find that our bodies can't…
Um… [clears throat] No, I'm…
I write about my fertility experience,
so… There, I said it. [laughs softly]
[interviewer] Wow.
[Mia] Um… I really try to use my writing
to process all the self-loathing or… all my dark thoughts that are about…
about being less of a woman, 'cause I can't be a mother.
Well, that's really interesting.
And important.
Yeah, but like I mentioned before,
it's a diary with very personal stuff that's just kind of whiney.
And it's too dark, you know, if you want to compare it to my earlier stuff.
[interviewer] I would have read something like that.
Five years ago when I began fertility treatments like you.
Now I've said it out loud as well.
Can anyone else here relate to this problem today?
[gentle music playing]
Yes.
See?
There are many of us who would've loved the sort of artwork you offer,
to dive into and identify with.
Well, I'm not sure that Knausgård would do that, you know?
[audience laughs]
No, 'cause we want you to write that book, Mia.
[gentle music continues]
[Mia] I will place the childless woman in front of you.
Look. Here she is in all her panicky glory and yearning.
Here I am.
I will carry all the shame that I possibly can.
I'll walk naked through town to roars of laughter.
I'll carry every childless women's burden so that they can be free.
Come, sit here next to me, all childless women, bonus moms.
Fall into pieces with me… if you want to.
Nobody knows how long Emil and I will have to go through this fertility hell
and how much of my sanity I'll lose before it happens.
Or doesn't happen.
[phone vibrating]
A COPENHAGEN LOVE STORY
[phone continues to vibrate]
-Hi, honey! -[Emil] Hey, are you okay?
Yeah! Sorry I haven't called back.
Mm. I've just been busy writing.
I think I have a good idea.
-Yeah? Tell me about it. -It's just that I'm…
I'm so absorbed by the fertility treatment.
-Oh, yeah? -Well, I mean…
I just kinda feel like I'm writing about, um…
um, about how it's insane, and…
and also write about how overwhelming it is
and that you basically have to ruin your own body
to create new life, you know?
-Oh, yeah. -Yes. Yeah.
I just feel like writing now about that.
Yeah. Fascinating.
But you're not writing about us, right?
Oh… No, no.
Good. I don't think I could handle seeing my sperm count exposed
in the local bookstore.
Oh, by the way, Gro and Simon invited us for dinner Saturday.
Oh, that's nice.
Well, Simon probably bought some new gadget he wants to show us.
-[chuckles] -What do you think it is?
Gastronoma air fryer. Eight liters.
-Oh my! Wow! -Wow.
-Yeah. -Yeah.
[airfryer beeps]
So, can we start dinner?
-Yeah! -Mm-hmm?
Okay, come and get it!
[cartoon character talking indistinctly]
[Mia] Yeah, so, um… this is our last attempt at the private clinic,
and if that fails, we're on a waiting list for the public clinics,
but the queue is long, so…
Yeah. We're banking on the private clinic, but, um…
-We don't know if we'll ever succeed. -[Emil] No.
There's also the fact that Emil's number of sperm is getting lower.
Last time he tested, it was only one million, so…
Yeah. Okay.
-Yeah! -And that's not a lot?
-Hey. -No, that's pretty low.
Almost nothing.
[Mia] Honey… It's not your fault.
That's just the facts.
Yep.
Luckily, you only need one tadpole to function.
-Right? -Yeah…
[Simon] Actually, I…
-Or rather Gro and I, we are… we're… -No!
Or... Babe, let's…
-Anyone for dessert? -Yeah.
We've made a little, um…
-[Simon] Ice cream. -Some ice cream for you.
In Simon's new ice cream thing.
[Emil] You got an ice cream maker?
-It's so cool. -It's cool.
It has been running for hours while we've sat here.
-It's still homemade, but… -[Gro] Do you want coffee?
-[Emil] Please. -[Mia] Yeah.
[Simon] Do you want a chaser?
-I'll pass on that. -Just a little one with the coffee?
I've got an expensive cognac. It's very good, but it's… expensive too.
Price and quality go hand in hand. Expensive and good.
-This one that I'll give you is both… -Honey.
-[Simon] Ah. Let's try it. -[glasses clinking]
-[Emil] What's up, kids? Having fun? -[Felix] Yeah.
[Emil] How's the movie going?
-Hey. -[Felix] Hey, it's my turn!
-[Selma] I can't see. -[Emil] We're having ice cream.
You and I are allowed a glass of this, right?
[Emil] Yeah, and Gro?
Yeah, I mean… I'm just gonna say it.
Uh, no, hon. The kids. Yeah?
Of course. So, uh…
We, um, well, uh…
We're gonna have a little sister.
-[Emil] Yeah? -[Simon] Or a brother.
-[Emil] Yeah. That's, um… That's amazing. -Congratulations.
[Emil] Awesome. Yeah.
Fantastic. Really?
[Simon] Yes. [chuckles] Really.
[Gro] Uh…
But, uh, first, we're gonna have some dessert.
Yep.
-[Emil] Simon! Wow! That's, um… -[Simon] It's so great and wonderful.
We're so thrilled Kids still can't hear me, right?
[Emil chuckles] No, no, they're so distracted.
-[Simon] This calls for celebration. -Yeah!
You know what? Let's go on holiday to Cuba.
-Gro… -Yeah.
Why haven't you said anything to me yet?
-Oh, um… -This is amazing news, Gro!
Please, I really hope you're not hiding your joy because of me.
-I don't want you to feel that way. -No. It's not you.
I don't know if I'm happy.
I had a really hard pregnancy with Vester,
and now it feels as if my body is remembering the whole thing.
Hey, Gro, enough, stop it.
You should feel overjoyed, right?
It's wonderful news!
Wish it was me.
[slow, tense music playing]
[music fades out]
You're absolutely sure?
Maybe you should at least… wait a little bit or…
-Hey. -[Rikke] Hi, Mia.
-[Gro] Hi, honey. -What's wrong?
[Rikke] Well, just… maybe you'll feel different.
Or, um…
That's what Simon said.
That I… should give it time, and…
I, um…
[sniffles] I just…
[crying] I… I wake up every morning in a fucking panic! Every morning.
My heart just won't stop pounding.
[sniffs]
And I… I… seriously feel like my body is a prison,
that I can never escape out of.
I don't know how to else to…
to explain it.
With a toddler already, I don't think I can go through with a, um…
Another pregnancy. I can't do it!
But, Gro. Hey. You have us and you… you…
you're not alone. We'll help you out with the baby…
-And you have Simon. -Will you listen to what I'm telling you?
You're not listening! Okay? No one is listening!
I can't do it!
[crying]
Okay. Okay.
-I can't… -You can't do it.
-We hear you, okay? -You can't do it.
-Honey… -Yeah…
We got you.
I'm sorry!
We hear you. Whatever you need, okay?
Just breathe.
-Breathe. -I can't do it.
[emotional music playing]
[baby crying]
[doctor] Welcome to public healthcare. I can see here, what you've, um…
what you've been through in the private sector,
um… so I would suggest the long protocol treatment for you.
Inducing menopause artificially. I think this is the only way.
-Uh… -[Emil] Menopause?
-Artificially? -[doctor] Yes.
Right now, your own cycle is interfering with our stimulation,
so… I think that's the way to go.
Um… there's a number of side effects. Okay?
Palpitations, headaches, hot flashes, itching,
dry mucous membranes and mood swings.
[tense music playing]
[exhales]
[vacuum cleaner whirs]
[vacuum cleaner switches off]
[Mia] The bus stop at the hospital. Emil and I wait for the bus in silence,
processing the news.
Not far from us, an elderly woman is picking up a dog turd.
The tears well up behind my eyes.
Then Emil says, "Well, we'll just have to push through it."
I wanted to say "Fuck you."
I didn't. Fuck you.
[knocking]
-[Gro] Mia! It's happening. -Yeah? Yeah, yeah, I'm coming, Gro!
I know that I'm hurting Emil, but right now that's what I want.
[groaning]
No.
-Do you want to lie down? -No, don't. Just don't.
[breathing heavily] Ah! Damn it!
Ow!
-[whimpering] -[breathing heavily]
[Gro groans]
[both inhaling and exhaling deeply]
Ooh.
-Do I have bad breath? -Mmm. Yeah. Really bad. But it's okay.
-Okay. -Truly.
-Did you have cheese? -Yeah. With red onions.
Mm-hmm.
[both chuckle lightly]
Ow! Oh, God! Ow! Okay. I need to go…
Yeah.
-Ow. -Now what?
Agh.
Ah. Ow.
Ow! Argh. Ow, goddamn it.
-It's okay. -Ow! There's more coming.
-Do you need to sit down, honey? -Agh. Yeah.
Come.
[wincing]
[Gro exhales]
[sighs]
[melancholy music playing]
What do I do with it?
[Mia] I feel like shoving the expelled fetus inside me.
To see if it can live in there.
I'm sorry, Mia.
[Mia sniffles]
I'm forcing you to do this and it must seem so gruesome to you.
No, you're not forcing me to do anything.
You're my best friend. [sniffles]
[Gro] Mm.
[door unlocks]
Hi.
Are you okay?
No, not really.
Thanks, Mia.
Of course.
[door closes]
[Gro sniffles]
-[melancholy music continues] -[keys jangle]
[sighs] I could use a drink too.
[sirens wail in distance]
[Mia sighs heavily]
Shit, man!
I hope they're all right.
[sighs]
Are you writing a book about us?
What?
Well, I accidentally read it on your computer.
You've written about things that I've said.
Verbatim.
Honey, I was going to tell you.
-Okay. You were? -[sighs]
Yeah, it…
It's just, my process is to write
what's going on. What's been building up inside.
You said you weren't writing about us.
-I know. -I specifically asked about it.
You said no.
I wanna be in your life, just not in one of your books.
And I get that, I do.
-Okay… -But…
But?
I don't… I don't know what to say.
Do you mean the things you wrote?
-What I read, it hurt me a lot and-- -You weren't supposed to read it yet.
This is part of the process, you know?
I'm trying not to censor myself. That's the whole point of it, okay?
I don't understand why--
-Again! You only focus on the negatives. -I do not focus on the negative.
You do! You nurture it! You see--
I just try to write about how I feel. I don't want something awful
to grow inside me, that's why I write.
I would like to read it all. Okay?
But… of course you can.
-Yeah. -I'm just not ready to show you.
-Okay. -Right now it's all jumbled.
So if you read it now,
I'll just feel like I have no talent.
-It's all about your feelings. -Sorry?
Will this be in your book as well?
"Emil is mad because I wrote about him. I did promise him I wouldn't…"
-Would you stop it? -"Fuck him."
"He's not an artist, so what does he know about anything?"
I said I won't allow it.
-Argh. You won't allow it? -I won't allow it!
I don't feel safe in my home.
-It feels like it's all laid bare. -Urgh. Fuck me! I'm boiling up!
-Why won't this window work? -Because it's childproof, honey.
Please sit down and talk to me about this instead of running away.
No, listen, I just helped my friend have an abortion, okay?
My head's about to explode from a migraine,
I have fucking menopause symptoms. All those fucking hot flashes all day.
And now I have to consider your vanity about my book,
and I don't even know if it's a book at all!
I knew you'd react this way! Fuck, Emil.
-I can't tell you anything! -Of course I'd react this way!
[baby crying]
-How long will this take? -You have work?
Why're you asking?
Well… Yeah, they have an open bar in the Egyptian collection.
[scoffs]
Lucky you, having drinks.
-[sighs] Can we please not do that, honey? -What?
This blame game.
Can I just let go for at least one night?
[scoffs]
If only I could "let go." What a privilege.
[Emil sighs]
[Mia] Why am I pushing him away?
-You should go to that party. Go, please. -No.
I think you should go to the party where you can drink and let go.
You can make out with your assistant.
[scoffs]
-You're unreal. -[scoffs]
[female nurse] Mia and Emil?
-[Emil] Yeah. -We are ready.
-[Emil] Great. -Uhh, it's just me today.
[nurse] This way, please.
[slow, tense music playing]
[Mia] I'm pregnant with evil. Growing inside me.
Howling in my uterus like a sick dog.
-They're definitely a smaller size. -They are.
It's impossible to put them on.
[Mia] Hope is a tease.
A lying little whore.
[nurse] We'll give you a little morphine.
Just to get you relaxed.
All done.
Okay. Ready.
I'm putting it in.
[gentle panpipe music playing]
Okay. Well, your ovaries are high,
so I have to enter through your bladder to get to it.
Okay? You'll feel a little tug.
Here you go.
[nurse] Yeah.
[doctor] It's dripping.
[sighs]
That panpipe drives me absolutely nuts.
[nurse] I thought we got a new playlist?
[doctor] It played for 12 hours straight yesterday.
I had dreams about panpipes that night.
[nurse, muffled] No, seriously? That's honestly the worst. [laughs]
The morphine will wear off soon,
so you won't get to keep your buzz, unfortunately.
Even on a Friday.
-[Mia] What? -You won't get to keep your buzz.
-[Mia] Mm. -[nurse] But there's good news.
We extracted six eggs.
We'll call you in two days between 8:30 and 9:30 a.m.
if the eggs aren't fertilized.
-In two days you'll call me. -Only if the eggs aren't fertilized.
Mm.
So, it's best if you don't call?
Yes. If we don't, then the eggs have been fertilized.
So, no news is good news.
But don't be waiting by the phone.
[Emil] There. Now you're ready.
[Felix] Do you have a paper towel so I can wipe my hands?
I know. Here you go.
[Felix grunting]
[Mia] Wow!
-Well, don't you both look so nice! -[Felix] We don't look nice.
-We look scary. -Yeah, that's true.
[false screaming]
[Emil] Come on, let's go, skeletons and zombies.
Okay, have a good day.
[Selma] See you, Mia.
-Wish I could be here when they call. -When they don't call, hopefully.
That's what I meant.
-Fine. -[Felix chatting indistinctly]
[whisking gets faster]
[indistinct chatter from radio]
[phone ringing]
UNKNOWN NUMBER
Hello?
Hi, Mia. This is Dr. Signe calling from the hospital.
You probably know why I'm calling you, but I regret to inform you that
none of the six eggs we extracted from you two days ago…
[spooky music playing]
[muffled] Hi, Mia! How are you?
Shame about the cake. Emil said you worked hard on it.
[chuckles]
Will you be in charge of the limbo?
The broomsticks are by the restroom.
[children laughing]
[tense music playing]
[not audible]
[screaming]
[music stops]
[Emil] Why did you go when you were in that state?
All the parents and kids were terrified seeing you scream like that.
You should also scream with me.
I don't feel like we're in this together.
My kids want to fall asleep with me in the room, so that's what I'll do.
-Emil, please don't go. Stay, please. -What?
Seriously. Listen to me.
The kids are upset and frightened.
It's not about you now.
You don't love me.
I need to go and prioritize my kids right now. That's what you do.
You would too if you had your own.
God dammit.
[breathing heavily]
["Invisible Giving" by Mariam The Believer]
♪ An instinct ♪
[breathing heavily]
♪ A birthmark ♪
♪ An elbow ♪
[breathing intensifies]
♪ A sea breeze ♪
♪ We could ♪
[crying]
♪ Bare it ♪
♪ Life with many tiny observations ♪
♪ Our pulse ♪
♪ We could ♪
♪ Bare it ♪
♪ Life ♪
♪ With many tiny observations ♪
♪ Our pulse ♪
Come.
-♪ Baby baby let it free ♪ -[crying]
-♪ It's all about the energy you give ♪ -[phone ringing]
-♪ The door to it all will open up ♪ -[phone continues ringing]
[fading out] ♪ Will let you fall Into the eye ♪
[Andreas] Hi, sweetie.
[Mehmet] Is he a good boy?
-[Andreas] He's such a good boy. -He doesn't need another treat.
He's getting way too fat.
[Andreas] No. We're not going to body-shame our own dog.
[Mehmet] You're right.
-Yeah. -Hi.
[Andreas] There she is.
The princess has finally risen from the dead.
[Mehmet] Are you… are you hungry, Mia?
Um, no. Thank you.
Um… Emil, has been calling nonstop for the past four days.
We really think that the two of you should talk.
Yeah… but I can't handle that.
Mia, for God's sake.
[Mia] My tenant agreed to move out.
She's going to move in with her boyfriend anyway,
so… that's perfect.
Yeah. That's perfect.
-I'll take a bath. -Great.
We'd really appreciate that.
-What? -Go talk to her.
And say what exactly?
-[Gro] It's so weird being back here. -Yeah?
Yeah, I think I'll paint the walls in a nice sunny color to brighten it up…
And, well, the plants are all dead, so… I'll buy new ones.
Like a few palms, or anything that's tropical.
How are you, love?
Fine.
We need chips.
[sighs heavily]
They really miss you. Emil and the kids.
He is devastated, you know? You just left.
Yeah. But it's Emil who left.
You're the one who moved.
I just left before he did.
How do you know he'd go?
Believe me, Gro, it was obvious.
He couldn't take the pressure.
But that's… seriously not the impression Simon and I got.
And Felix and Selma don't… get why they haven't heard anything from you.
They don't understand, Mia.
No, but…
They have a good mom, so…
You know what?
I was curious if you'd help me set up my Tinder profile? Ah!
-Seriously? -Yeah!
[Mia] Rebecca is wearing a fabulous dress with flowers and gold thread.
Everyone loves it.
She's drinking a lot and fast.
[phone vibrating]
She feels like dancing and breaking something.
Listening to loud music and belting it out.
Fuck!
What do you want?
What do I want?
-Can I come up? -No. I don't think that's a good idea.
This is insane. That we're not talking anymore.
I don't understand what's... what's going on!
It's been rough, I know. I... I am aware.
But when you've chosen someone, you stay and you fight for them.
But you don't want to fight.
-What? What are you talking about? -Well, I spared you the trouble, didn't I?
What are you fucking saying?
-Stop making this all worse and worse. -Can't we talk about this?
I'm right here waiting for you to say anything!
Well, that's all I have to say.
As if I'm some random dude you just dated?
-I think I'll go up. -No. You're staying.
-I'm freezing! -Stay here!
Come on. We love each other, Mia.
I mean, we were making a family.
You're not like this. This isn't you, Mia. Please stop it!
This isn't you. Where are you? You're in there somewhere.
Please stop.
Please stop this. Don't do this. Please stop being like that.
[jarring music playing]
[gentle piano music playing]
"She could place herself right there in a room,
staging herself there, at arms length."
"She knew how to be a dream, a fantasy,
but she didn't know how to be someone's girlfriend."
"Why did she always end up turning herself inside out?"
"No one could stand it."
"Again, she had… fallen for an… immature man, afraid to commit this time."
Um… [clears throat] "The man didn't say anything,
still she heard him thinking,
'Let me break away from that discouraged, foolish, anxious desperado.'"
[chuckles]
"So, back in the saddle, Rebecca. Swipe, swipe, swipe."
[Mehmet laughs]
[applause]
[Andreas] So, she is currently a social studies student, and…
she said yeah.
-[Mia] That's terrific news! -Mm-hmm.
-Congratulations! -[Andreas] Thanks.
Looks like you two are getting a very beautiful and smart child.
-Yeah. With a receding hairline, I think. -Mm, well we can only hope.
-Yeah. -[both laugh softly]
Right… So, we're starting all over again, and now,
we'll pray that she's good and won't back out on us as well.
It's just, you know, I'm… not sure Mehmet would survive that.
-Mm. -[Mia] I'm crossing everything.
[Andreas] Thanks, hon.
-Thank you. -Thanks for coming.
-[Andreas] Mm. -[Mia] Cheers, sweetie.
Cheers.
Hmm. Ah!
-God, it feels good to drink again. -[Andreas laughs]
To not be some like… 60-year-old in fucking menopause, you know?
-[Mia laughs] -Ah.
-It was so absurd in the end. -Hmm.
It was like a nightmare that just went on and on and on.
It's all I thought about. Obsessing over it all.
-Okay. -Oh, well.
How long did you keep trying for?
Well, we… tried on our own for nine months,
and we started treatments in early February. So…
-Yeah, around 18 months? -Mm.
Yeah. We've tried for five years.
-Oh, shit, yeah. -Yeah.
We've had to travel across the world,
plus we've had to pay, um… close to a million now.
Just because two Danish men who love each other can't have children.
Mm.
One big, happy family.
Are you trying to tell me that you think I gave up too soon, or what?
Is that how you understood it?
-It was just too tough, Andreas. -Ugh.
It was too tough.
-Come on… -What did I do now?
Of course it was fucking tough.
You were trying to have a baby and things went to shit.
But you don't leave Emil when things get rough!
Now he's by himself.
That's fucking stupid, sorry.
-How about you go have his kids. -I don't want to.
I've actually moved on and I need to move on.
-And it feels good. -Okay.
-Yeah? -Fine. Okay.
Yeah.
-And I actually have a date tomorrow. -That's bullshit, Mia.
You're not planning on going?
Isn't he cute?
No, I think he's ugly.
-Have a closer look. -I don't want to.
May I tell you what I think of that? Please, can I?
I hate that whenever you have something good in your life,
you just end up ruining it.
You wrap yourself up in your self-loathing,
then you convince yourself somehow that
you're not allowed to be happy with anyone,
let alone with the man who's clearly the one for you.
You… We need help. We both need help, Mia.
We need help from others.
I would be so lost if I didn't have Mehmet. You know?
Emil is your Mehmet.
Okay.
-Bye, Mehmet. -Bye!
-Thanks for coming. -Yeah.
Bye. [kisses] I'll see you later.
[footsteps recede]
How about you? Have you had… many long-lasting ones?
Umm… I actually just got out of one… uh, that ended abruptly.
Abruptly? Yeah, okay. He must've been a… moron or giant ass?
Yeah. Or, um…
Yeah… Well, he must've been a giant moron to leave you.
-Mm. -Maybe he wasn't the one.
And he must've been stupid to leave such a wonderful woman like you.
Well, it's important that you're able to communicate in a respectful manner.
They say that we're all looking for
a partner who confronts us with the things
that we're trying to avoid.
It's quite funny, really. But it's also a paradox of sorts. [laughs]
It's about understanding the baggage each of you bring to the relationship.
[slow, tense music playing]
[vocalists chanting]
Falling in love is free, but sooner or later, our past will… [fades out]
[chanting gets louder]
…they didn't have the same mindset as us
and I know our future children will be…
or, I mean our children will be… or, you know… the children, we'll…
Um…
-Yeah, um… -They'll have a huge impact on…
I'm sorry, I have to go. Um… I'm really sorry…
-Oh? -It's honestly got nothing to do with you.
You're really sweet, but…
Wait. But I guess I could, you know…
-[music continues] -[breathing heavily]
[sniffles]
[doorbell rings]
-[music stops] -[breathing heavily]
Mia?
-Hi. -Hi.
-What's up? -What are you doing here?
I wanted to talk to Emil, but he's not in.
No, today's the opening of his new exhibition.
-Fuck, that's right. -[Gro] We're headed to the reception now.
Come with.
Yeah!
-I'll go get the car and bring it around. -Aren't we biking there?
-No. Let's not bike. -I think we should, hon.
It's 500 meters away.
-Can we take the car? -We're biking!
-[Simon] It's not 500 meters! -[Gro] It's 550.
[Simon] You can't trust apps.
They're not accurate.
-Look it's 550. -I don't want to arrive all sweaty, honey.
[Gro] What if we want to have something to drink?
Come on, Simon. Look, we're biking, okay, honey?
[music resumes]
[music stops]
[indistinct chatter]
[Emil] He apologized, but that wasn't…
[all laugh]
I didn't get anything out of it.
-Well, cheers. Thank you. -Cheers.
-Congratulations! -Thanks. Thank you all very much.
Mm! How are you?
-[woman] Good. -[Emil] Yeah?
-[woman] Yeah. -[Emil] Good.
[sighs]
[Emil chatting indistinctly]
[Felix] I'm gonna catch you.
[Selma] No, you won't.
[breathing heavily]
Hi!
[exhales] How are you guys?
Kids, run down to Mom, while I talk to Mia.
[breathing heavily]
Emil!
-Yeah? -I'm sorry to just barge in, but
there's something I need to tell you.
Yeah, Mia? Well, I must protect myself.
And my kids, most of all.
-It's invitation only, so please go. -Emil…
Please, two minutes. Just two minutes.
Then I'll leave.
Come on.
[chatter muffles]
Two minutes.
[sighs] Okay. [clears throat]
["And So It Goes" by Billy Joel]
[sighs] First of all, I want to say sorry for leaving like that…
without giving you a chance.
I… I… I just ran away, like I always do.
I truly am… so sorry.
Yeah. Okay.
I got that old feeling again that… that I am someone you can't love.
♪ In every heart there is a room ♪
♪ A sanctuary safe and strong ♪
♪ To heal the wounds from lovers past ♪
♪ Until a new one comes along ♪
♪ And every time I've held a rose ♪
♪ It seems I only felt the thorns ♪
♪ And so it goes, and so it goes ♪
♪ And so will you, soon, I suppose ♪
I hate… that you felt you were impossible to love.
♪ …to be with you ♪
♪ That's if the choice were mine to make ♪
♪ But you can make decisions too ♪
♪ And you can have this heart to break ♪
[soft piano music continues]
-[Emil] Easy now. That's enough, Selma. -[Mia laughs]
[Emil] There. Leave some for the rest of us, okay?
Thank God Christmas is once a year.
-Mia? -[Mia] Mm-hmm?
I used to think you were ugly.
Yeah?
Yeah, you were pretty ugly the first time.
I don't know why I thought so,
because you aren't anymore.
I'm glad to hear that.
-But you were ugly at first. -[Emil] Okay.
Okay.
-Did you also think I was ugly? -Just a little. A little. At the start.
-Mm. -[Mia and Emil chuckle]
[phone ringing]
Look, honey. I put you on the cake.
[both chuckle]
-Too much? -Just a tad.
It isn't.
[Emil clears throat]
Hi, Rikke!
[Rikke talking indistinctly]
[Mia] Happy new year.
Are you serious?
Congratulations!
How far along are you?
[chuckles] That's just fantastic! I am so happy for you guys, really.
Oh, this is going to be so thrilling for you both.
[laughs] Yeah!
Okay. Bye, love.
[Mia sighs]
What's wrong?
Rikke's having a kid.
Okay.
That's so…
[chuckles] That's so excellent.
-Are you okay? -[fireworks exploding in background]
Yeah.
I'm just…
I'm just taking a second to grieve that I won't get pregnant, and have…
have a child. My own child.
That's okay.
It is.
But honey, maybe we, um…
Maybe we try again?
No.
I can't lose you again.
-It almost destroyed us. -You won't.
Let's do it.
It was a shit show last time.
-Mm-hmm. -And I'm gonna be impossible.
But I still love you, honey.
And when shit hits the fan…
Then we'll just scream.
Together.
-[gentle music playing] -[chuckles]
A COPENHAGEN LOVE STORY
[Mia] I've decided that this book must come out into the world now,
while I'm in the middle of it.
In the middle of the turmoil.
In the middle of the hunger.
May I feel your belly?
I don't want to describe this looking back when I'm pregnant.
As a happy mother cradling her baby.
[gasps]
I'll describe it from within.
Now.
While I'm feeling it.
[female nurse] Well, you two. It went really well.
We extracted ten eggs.
And now you know the drill from here.
If none of the eggs become fertilized, we'll call you.
-You'll call us. -[nurse] Between 8:30 and 9:30 a.m.
-Good. Happy Pentecost. -Thanks.
Thanks.
[church bells tolling]
[Emil] Hi, honey.
Did they call?
[emotional music playing]
[chuckles softly]
[phone ringing]
[sighs] It's Andreas.
I guess he's calling to ask if we want to come to Hven for Pentecost.
Phew.
Oh! I can't bear…
I can't bear if we have to sit around and pretend we're fine.
Fuck.
Hon…
It's 9:31.
-What? -It's 9:31.
They didn't call us. Time's up.
-They… -But what if they called when Andreas did?
[Mia sighs]
Hi, uh… This is… Uh, I mean, um, my girlfriend, Mia Berg,
had eggs extracted two days ago.
Mia Berg.
Yeah, we wanted to know if you just called us? Or called at all?
I'll hold. All good.
Yup! Yeah, still here.
-Well, we're glad to hear that. Thanks. -[chuckles softly]
Yes. Have a good day.
-[laughing] -[uplifting music playing]
A COPENHAGEN LOVE STORY
[chuckles]
Well, I don't think I ever said that so…
-[Mia chuckles] What? -I never said that.
[both laugh]
But it's funny.
COPENHAGEN - HVEN
[Mia] Hey, Emil?
[Emil] Yeah?
[Mia] Do you still love me when we're in a bad place?
[Emil] Yeah. I do.
[Mia] And you never have doubts?
[Emil] Never ever.
♪ So, come. Give me your hand ♪
♪ Give me your heart And I'll carry it everywhere ♪
♪ Believe that love still exists ♪
♪ I know I do try To not drown in my own despair ♪
♪ How will I know ♪
♪ If all of these tears I've cried ♪
♪ Can be a river to float on? ♪
♪ How will I find ♪
♪ That warm beating ribcage ♪
♪ That wants me to rip it open? ♪
♪ No, I am not a hell of a lover ♪
♪ I'm finding it hard To trust anyone that way ♪
♪ But if I don't give up myself ♪
♪ Then how can I think That you'll do it and I need that ♪
♪ How will I hear that pounding ♪
♪ That never stops? ♪
♪ That I can't abode ♪
♪ How will I see that horizon ♪
♪ That constant glow? ♪
♪ That is your backbone ♪
[emotional music fades out]