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[music playing]
[wind blowing]
[flute playing]
[non-english speech]
[fast footsteps]
[flute playing]
Come on. Drop, drop.
Drop. Drop! Drop.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
[non-english speech]
It's empty.
The truck is empty.
All right, let's play a little game.
Who's truck is this?
I know you know.
I'm talking to you.
Whose fucking truck is this?
Relax.
- Calm down. - Fuck!
Hey, fuck, man.
Put the fucking gun down.
Where is the owner of this truck?
If you want to know so bad, then clear the truck.
Clear the fucking truck, dude.
[non-english speech]
Oh, fuck! [spits]
[engine rumbling]
[non-english speech]
[explosion]
[commotion]
[crying]
Get out of here! Go! Go, go, go!
[gunfire]
[honking]
- Now what? - Attention!
Halt all activity.
One of our IEDs did not detonate.
Clear this area.
We will be running a test.
Bravo, Hollywood.
Bye.
You are good.
You have to get out of here.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
Yeah, what fuck?
What the fuck?
I can't work like this.
This is bullshit, and you know it.
You fucking know it.
I mean, you got one over here--
- That one went off? - Yes.
So the fuck what?
This was the fucking plan.
Fucking donkey!
Feel good?
No, I'm not good.
I'm pissed off!
Control confirmed.
What's up with the donkey bomb?
I don't know. I pressed it.
Let's run a test.
All right, everybody.
Let's reset and try it again.
[sheep bleating]
[dog barking]
[music playing]
Testing donkey bomb in 3, 2--
[click]
Hee-haw!
OK.
[music playing]
Welcome to the world's most sophisticated urban warfare
simulation, Fort Irwin.
Or, as we like to call it, The Box.
In the ongoing mission to keep America strong and free,
The Box was designed to give our brave men and women the tools
to fight and win anytime, anywhere.
[explosion]
Here you will be tested in a vast,
immersive training area spanning 600,000 acres of the California
desert.
What sets us apart is our proximity
to Hollywood, which means we've got the best in the business.
TV and movie special effects artists
create realistic battlefield scenarios
like the ones you will experience
when deployed to Iraq.
Smoke, sound, and smell add the highest level of realism
to simulate the fog of war.
And the towns have been populated
with civilian role players, some of whom are even Iraqi.
So get ready.
You are about to be deployed to Atropia.
Your area of operation will be--
When you enter the box, you will be in a 24/7 live play scenario.
These enemies have embraced a cult of death.
We must go on the offense, stay on the offense,
and take the fight to them.
If you're successful here, you'll
be better equipped to win the war on terror over there.
And one important message before you go--
[whirring]
While in Atropia, you may come across the endangered California
desert tortoise.
Do not touch, move, or approach the desert tortoise.
All activity will halt until the tortoise can be properly moved
by a wildlife expert.
If you do not follow the protocol, you will be penalized.
Good luck out there, and God bless America.
[music fading out]
[applause]
All electronics in the bucket--
precious cell phones, MP3 players.
For the next three weeks, you will be incommunicado.
The thing about California is she can play
any part you want her to play.
Tomorrow, she will be playing Iraq.
It will take us two hours to enter The Box
and to reach the town of Medina Wasl.
But it will feel like a world away from anything
you have ever known.
When you arrive in the town, the villagers
will be neutral about your presence.
The more you screw up, the more difficult
they will be to control.
There will be a gang of insurgents wreaking havoc
on the area.
These guys are your enemy.
And just a little reminder that these insurgents
will be played by some of our best vets, most of them
freshly back from tours in Iraq.
So they will know first hand all the fucked up
ways you will be tested when deployed.
This is your last stop before heading out to Iraq.
So train like you fight.
Embrace the suck.
Gear up.
Full battle rattle.
Oorah! Oorah!
- Excuse me. - Oh, Nancy.
This is Nancy, our mock journalist.
[whistling]
And you are absolute Neanderthals.
Nancy is here to play your embed.
She can sleep in bed with me.
[laughter]
Nancy is here to help you learn what
it's like to be traveling with a journalist.
You will see to her safety, but be
careful not to disclose any information
that you would not want to see on the nightly news.
- Any questions? - [clinking]
Ho-ho-ho!
Gentlemen, say hello to Private iPod.
[rustling]
H. My name is Fayruz Abbas.
I'm 5' 4" and a half, and I'm based in Barstow, California.
I will be reading for the role of Reem.
Hassan, can you hear that?
Gunshots! I--
[rustling]
[music playing]
Look at these fucking Fobbits.
They really put the "infant" in "infantry."
You should see the squad coming in.
Half of them haven't graduated high school.
And they're all pissing hot.
They need them all for the surge.
Warm bodies.
That's all W wants now, warm bodies.
You see the new head of insurgents?
He's going full Alibaba.
Holy shit.
All right, guys, I got new character assignments
that need to be delivered to the role players, stat.
[beeping]
Pyro is on the move to assess donkey situation.
What does your new role sheet say?
What?
It says "Atropian DVD seller who is desperate to be liberated
by the Americans."
Mine says "anti-American mustard gas chemist."
It's because I take this seriously.
I mean, how many times do we talk about this?
You really need to get into your backstory.
Well, it's our job to make this place authentic.
I mean, just think about the work I've done with Gloria.
Gloria, hey.
Come here.
Let's show Noor what we've been working on, huh?
Do you remember the memory?
[deeply breathes] Ooh.
Think about your dad.
I--
Think about him lying there in that pool of blood.
- Ay, papi. - Oh, papi.
- Papacito. - [sobbing]
Oh, papacito.
Ay, papi!
[CRYING] Ay, papacito.
No, no, no!
Yes, yes.
OK, easy does it.
Easy, easy.
Now, go. Go. Go.
- [clapping] - I'm sorry.
Gloria, that was beautiful.
- Beautiful? - So good.
But you're a professional, right?
- I'm a professional. - Shake it off.
Just let it go.
There you go, huh?
I promise you, it works.
I mean, all you have to do is think about the trauma that
animates you the most.
Gloria's father was murdered in the Sandinista rebellion.
Maybe we just need an audience.
Jerry said, tomorrow, a tour is coming.
What kind of tour?
Guys?
What kind of tour?
Attention, Medina Wasl.
Tomorrow, we will be performing the mustard gas exercise.
There will be visiting spectators in attendance,
so remember the following.
If you do not speak Arabic or Kurdish,
you do not speak during the exercise.
If your role requires blood bags,
you are responsible for making sure they are full.
If you've been assigned a fake husband,
walk 10 paces behind him.
Let's give these soldiers their worst day
here so it doesn't happen over there.
This is how we save lives.
Good luck out there.
All right.
We used this one before.
It's a little big.
Anyway, we could try this one.
This might be a little feminine.
Oh, how about this guy right here?
This is muscular-- like, athletic.
You just have to color it.
What do you think?
I don't know.
Are we going to get out for Thanksgiving?
No.
You'll have it in The Box.
You got a problem with that?
No, sir.
So How'd you lose your limbs?
Motorcycle.
Cool. How about you?
I lost mine in Iraq.
Wrong answer.
No, that's not going to work, unfortunately.
No.
We can't hire you due to protocol.
We can't risk retraumatizing you.
A drunken motorcycle accident, fine.
But IED?
No, sirree.
Thanks for coming in, though.
Have you heard anything about this tour tomorrow?
What are you going to give me?
What am I going to give you?
I'm giving you a haircut.
Oh, fuck off, Rose.
I have one hand.
Fine. What do you want?
Cigarettes. A whole pack.
Is it worth a pack?
Fine.
OK. But don't tell anyone I told you.
Why?
Because you get weird when the movie people come.
Movie people?
I do not.
Movie-movie or TV movie?
Hello?
Hey, where are those DVDs you're selling tomorrow?
I noticed some are in Farsi, and I want to fix it.
Who cares?
It's been bothering me.
They're outside.
You can't send them out there.
They have their whole lives ahead of them.
They are just boys.
These men, you say, they are willing to die for you.
Don't you think they at least deserve to know why?
Hi.
My name is Fayruz Abbas.
I'm 5' 4" and a half, and I'm based in Barstow, California.
I will be reading for the role of Reem.
[clacking]
[spraying]
What do you know?
Very little.
But I hear a big actor's coming.
Oh, fuck.
What?
You have a great part today.
Mustard gas chemist is a great part.
Yeah, only if the soldiers find me.
I mean, think about it, Jerry.
I could be stuck twiddling my thumbs
in my little bomb making room
while my entire future passes me by.
[knocking]
Yeah?
I was told to pick up some blood bags from you.
Well, wait outside till I'm done.
[WHISPERING] Jerry, let him in.
Let him in.
Come on in, son.
You can see how the magic is made.
Woof!
Fayruz, you're all done.
Second floor.
Can you believe it?
They're putting me on the second floor.
I mean, I keep telling Coco, she's
got to get those stairs fixed because they are treacherous.
[music playing]
It is a big day in Atropia.
A movie star is here to do research
for a role about the Battle of Fallujah.
He will make the trek to Medina Wasl
to have the full urban warfare experience.
Keep your eyes peeled.
[chaotic music]
[trilling lips] Ahh, ooh, ahh, ooh.
I'm OK.
Relax that jaw.
[breathing deeply] Bring up those hands.
[groaning] Let it go.
[engines humming]
[thudding]
Can you guys stop turtle fucking in here?
The noise is killing me.
Use your core, for God's sake!
Better yet, let's drown it out.
Private iPod, play.
[SINGING] We can drive around this town
And let the cops chase us around
Past is gone, but something might be found
Next!
[SINGING] And if you get the chance
To sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
[vocalizing]
OK.
Feeling good?
Mm-hmm.
So today is different than every other day in Atropia
because today is the one day of the rotation where we
get to perform for an audience.
Look alive out there, people, or dead, if you have to.
Merde!
[SINGING] I got a feeling
I'm not the only one
All I want to do
Is have some fun
Until the sun comes up
Over Santa Monica Boulevard!
Can we please focus?
Whoa! Please!
All right, ass snorkeler.
Being a soldier is a joyless pursuit.
And if you can't find the fun in mercilessly humiliating
your compatriots, then you are never
going to make it out of here!
Oh, you want to work, huh?
You want to get your head in the game?
Well, that's just fine because I hear that there is a mustard gas
chemist operating in this town.
And your new personal problem is to capture
said chemist without cover.
And if you fail in your mission, well, I
am sure that you have a beautiful singing voice.
Play!
[pensive music]
[sighing]
[vehicle approaching]
[suspenseful music]
Movie, movie.
This is what I'm fucking talking about.
[laughs] Whoa.
Whoo!
Welcome to Atropia.
Soldiers will be along any minute.
[breathing deeply]
Yeah, that's real dirt.
So what's with the Atropia, Chief?
It's military policy to use
a mock country for immersion training.
Great.
We use Atropia as a stand-in for whatever country
we're planning to invade.
[gas hissing]
What the fuck is that?
What do you smell?
What do I-- [sniffs] Christmas?
Close.
We spray the air with a light chai scent
for sensory inundation purposes.
Huh.
They can make it smell like anything-- sewage, gunpowder,
burning flesh.
Think we could get off the chai?
Maybe get on a little burning flesh?
Sure.
- Just to get-- you know. - Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
- To get us into it a little bit. - Yeah.
What are you doing?
All right, so where do you want to watch from?
It's safest over there.
[laughs] Really?
What?
No, I got to be in it.
It's really, really important
- to me to get it right. - All right.
Keep moving.
Take your place.
Let's do that.
The soldiers are coming.
Attention, Medina Wasl.
[lips trilling]
Soldiers are five miles out.
I'm going to put these on you.
Now, you will hear gunshots.
Don't worry. They are blanks.
Got it.
Think of this as like a really expensive game of laser tag.
When your vest starts beeping, it means you're dead.
OK.
[exhales]
Dude, dude, look who it is.
- Yeah, I know. - Don't be weird.
- I'm not being weird. - Don't look at him.
[tense music]
[people shouting]
Get away.
[non-english speech]
Come on, take it.
Take it.
No, this isn't mine.
Take it. Take it.
[groans]
What's that about?
Sniper promise.
I'm not playing a sniper again.
[footsteps running]
Oh, my god.
I am so happy to see you!
- You are? - OK.
Tie me up.
What?
Let's go! Now! Tie me up.
Drag me into the town square, and then throw me to the ground.
I'm supposed to keep you here and call in backup.
I will make it worth your fucking while.
You smoke, I got cigarettes.
Now!
[tense music]
- $2. - I don't have $2.
$2?
Yeah!
Come on, take me. Lead me.
Lead me up.
We're going to finish this, and I'm going to come back, OK?
Yeah. No, save that one for me.
Save it.
[background chatter]
[gunshots] [beeping]
- You're beeping. You're out. - Uh--
- You're out. You're dead. - No, no.
- No, you're beeping. - No, I'm not beeping.
Dude, get on the ground. You're dead.
- No, I think you're dead, man. - Actually, you're both dead.
[beeping continues]
[grunts loudly] Oh.
Shoot!
[gasping, grunting]
[groaning loudly]
- OK, ready? - Yeah.
Right there. Right there. Go, go!
[moaning, coughing]
Hit me! Come on.
Ahh!
Ah!
[crying]
Ave Maria!
[wailing]
[shouting]
I don't know what the hell is going on down there.
We need to release the mustard gas.
[wailing continues]
Mustard gas. Go, go, go.
[coughing]
Oh, shit.
No.
Freeburn, what the fuck?
That's my mission.
Get the fuck out of here, man!
What the--
I said, get the fuck out of here!
Calm down, lady.
- Gloria. - Calm down.
- Calm down! - [screaming]
All right, come on. Get off the car.
[screaming]
[crying]
All right. All right, boys. Come on, let's get out of here.
[wails]
Come on, move your ass! Come on, man.
[woman screaming]
I mean, are you kidding me?
[crying]
[clapping]
You--
Bravo.
It's a true honor.
Muah. I mean--
Bravo.
- where did you study? - Bravo.
- You were magnificent. - She's not even Iraqi!
[door slams]
Who's your effects guy?
That's incredible.
Look, she's still in it.
Get her number.
Get her number for me. She's incredible.
OK, yeah. Uh, hi.
Can I get your number?
I'm actually bleeding, you fucking idiot!
We need to have a serious discussion
about what happened today.
Gloria going to be OK, but she was very badly injured.
Boo-hoo.
She's probably had a hot shower, a steak dinner,
and is halfway to LA by now.
I know some of you have met the new leader
of our local insurgent, Abu Dice.
[heroic music]
Salam alaikum.
Wa-alaikum-salaam.
Look, I'm impressed by what you guys have created here.
It really transports me back.
But we can't have incidents like what happened today.
So my first question, the mustard gas lab.
Always in the same location?
- Yes. - No.
What?
Not always.
Why do you ask?
They were able to find you very quickly.
So either there's a mole here or one of the soldiers
that have been here before tipped him off.
Well, not very quickly.
And I wasn't captured, so I'm not
really sure what the issue is.
Well, in my experience, based off my time in Iraq,
the mustard gas chemists were extremely mobile
and moved their operation often so as not to get caught.
Hmm, well, I think I would know because my uncle actually is
a mustard gas chemist in Iraq.
Jesus.
I heard you're an asset.
I just didn't know what kind.
OK, OK.
We will try to find the mole and consider changing the location.
Good.
Noor, since Gloria lives in your hutch,
the soldiers are coming to make their amends to you.
I will let you decide whether the money worth the price
for your daughter's life.
My daughter? [scoffs]
And the bread is plastic, Noor.
I don't make the rules.
Are we safe?
Can I do my news piece?
Please continue.
[non-english muttering]
[CHANTING] No blood for oil!
No blood for oil!
Clearly, the Atropians are not happy
and have left ominous warning signs
to the Americans who decide to invade their towns.
And that's just the way it is.
Abu Ray, Al Jazeera, Al--
Abu Ray, Al Jazzer Atropia, signing off.
Marhabaa.
Shako maku.
After you.
[chuckles] Is this a trick?
Are you going to waterboard me to find out
who's leaking information?
[water pouring]
Well, as long as you're wet.
What did you just say?
Oh, shit!
[faucet squeaking]
I am going to teach you perhaps the most important lesson
you will learn in the box.
You can create compliance by inventing a problem that only
you can solve.
Cool.
Maybe try discreetly destroying their power
grid, not something permanent.
[dog barking]
Hey, boss, I need some Atropian currency
for the boys in the box.
They're already making condolence payments.
Then, on with the mayor, perhaps at night, by candlelight.
Are you attached to that plant?
[plane engine rumbling overhead]
Yes!
Oh, fuck me, yeah.
[interlapping speech]
What on God's green Earth?
Attention!
[light music]
I don't ever think I've had a more pathetic gaggle of mouth
breathing losers.
But there is one soldier that I would
like to single out for his extraordinary failing abilities.
Private Harris, step forward.
Not only does he hate joy, music, and laughter,
but he is also a dog shit soldier
and severely injured a role player in real life.
So to commemorate the precious oxygen wasted on his breath,
he will replace it by keeping this plant
alive during the entirety of his time in the box.
Don't ever let me catch you without it!
Jesus Christ.
OK, OK, OK.
Hey, where's that cash?
It's expensive, right?
Fuck if I know.
[background chatter]
[knocking]
[door opens]
We are here to, uh, offer our condolences.
Money?
You think money will bring back the life of my daughter?
American swine.
You think you can just buy your way out of anything, don't you?
It's a lot of money, so.
Do you know what it feels like for a mother
to bury her own daughter?
Do you?
No one followed you, right?
Come on.
You want one cigarette?
Here.
Just one.
Rudy, I think I found the mole.
She's making a deal right now.
Oh, shit!
For what?
Smokes.
I don't want your money or sympathy.
But I will take the plant.
OK, yeah.
No. No, man.
What?
No, I can't give you this.
Give her the plant, bro.
He's going to fucking kill me, man.
It's for her daughter.
Fuck this, man.
What are you doing?
Oh, not the Arabic. Get out.
Come on!
[dramatic music]
Hurry!
Thanks!
[shouting]
[screaming]
Your mother is a whore!
How do you like that backstory?
[swishing, gargling]
[door banging open]
[gasps]
What do you have to say for yourself?
Crossing enemy lines?
Who are you?
How dare you talk to me this way?
- Ah! - What was the deal?
What deal?
I won't have a rat like you put me and my men in danger.
OK, OK. Enough!
- You understand? - Enough! Drop the shtick, man.
Jesus!
Oh!
I know you're the mole.
I didn't realize my fetish was interrogation.
Oh, is this funny to you?
Making deals with soldiers? There are rules here.
You're not supposed to even be in my hooch, let alone touch
an Atropian woman.
Yeah, you know full well you lose those privileges
once you become a traitor.
What was the deal?
Do you want me to scream?
Because I will.
And then the CO will come in here,
and we'll both lose our jobs.
What was the deal?
[screams]
[muffled grunts]
It doesn't have to be difficult.
[strains]
Ow!
[panting] Mm.
Get the fuck off me!
Don't ever do that again.
What?
Don't fuck with me.
[laughs]
Oh, this is a game to you, huh?
It's all a game.
A game?
This is my life.
Do you know what I've given up to be here?
My passions, my career.
Hell, half of my family won't even speak to me
because of what I do here.
But do you know why I stay and suffer
through everyone taunting me for taking this too seriously?
Because I believe in the cause.
Because I go out there every day trying to save
the lives of people like you.
When I first saw you, I thought I saw that same spark.
But now you come in here and accuse me of being a traitor?
If you really wanted to know if I was the mole,
all you had to do was ask.
Are you the mole?
Yes.
But I can explain!
The enemies you confront will come
to know your skill and bravery.
The people you liberate will witness
the honorable and decent spirit of the American military.
Our nation enters this conflict reluctantly.
Pay attention.
[music playing]
When asked why their country invaded Atropia,
none could answer.
Why has America invaded Atropia?
Don't ask me. [chuckles]
Excuse me, sir.
Why has America invaded Atropia?
- Freedom. - Freedom?
But freedom from who?
[chuckles]
Unbelievable.
[music playing]
Will you be joining us for dinner tonight, monsieur?
I hope so.
I still have to drop off the MREs of the jihadis.
That's all they're eating?
Meal rejected by everyone.
There's no refrigerator in the cave.
Why do you still have them in that cave?
It's very Taliban.
The insurgents in Iraq just live in town.
They like it?
Tell them we'll bring them dinner tonight.
[gasps] [arabic] Who's cooking?
Are you cooking?
[crickets chirping]
[non-english speech]
Noor, thank you. It's delicious.
[non-english speech]
That's good.
Mr. Middle East, I don't see you digging in.
What do you mean?
Yeah, let's see it.
I got this.
[non-english speech]
- That goes with it. - Try it.
Try it.
- Dice. - Dice.
Dice, dice, dice, dice, dice, dice, dice, dice, dice, dice,
dice, dice, dice, dice, dice.
I got it. I got it. That's a lot.
[laughs]
[laughs] How are you feeling?
[laughter]
- OK? - [coughing]
- You OK? - [laughter]
Get some water.
Some water, please.
[coughing]
[laughter]
Jesus Christ.
Even your eyes are sweating.
So, Abu Dice, when were you in Iraq?
I was there in 2004 with this man right here.
And we were out in the sticks, and then mostly Sadr City.
He's eating this food right now, but he only ate Burger King
the entire time we were there.
What I saw what men do to goats out there,
I kind of lost my appetite.
- Ooh. - What about you?
You ever kill anybody?
[chuckles] Me?
Yeah.
Well, you don't ask a lady her age.
You know what I mean?
[laughter]
But we didn't have all this fancy training
before we were deployed.
We had to learn boots-on-the-ground.
You like playing insurgents?
Oh, it's great.
See, you never have to shave.
What other job do you know where you get paid to wreak havoc?
[laughter]
[music playing]
It's the least I can do.
[sighs]
Whenever I'm on dish duty, I always
get jealous of the dishes.
Why?
Well, I get so little water here.
I get jealous.
[chuckles]
I wish I was a dirty dish so I could get dunked and scrubbed,
wiped clean, put back where I belong.
Whenever I'm in the box, I always have dreams about water.
It's too long to go without a shower.
You look clean enough.
[non-english singing]
You know what happened between us can't happen again.
It was a mistake.
I need to get back to Iraq, can't let anything get in
the way of that happening.
You know Abu means father of, right?
So in your case, you should have a kid named Dice.
I know what it means.
You know what? I can handle this.
[sniffs] You do stink.
[non-english singing]
Pay attention.
Watch, watch.
[non-english] OK?
Come on. Come on.
Do it.
Come on, let's do it.
No homo, man.
Exactly.
No homo.
This is not indication of being gay.
This is how men greet each other where I came from.
All right, now let's touch.
It doesn't have to be slow-mo.
Just get in there.
Come on. You could do that.
Say, [non-english].
What, he smells bad?
Mwah.
They're really afraid to touch each other, these guys.
Look, we fucking get it.
OK, OK, OK.
All right.
Take it easy.
[non-english]
You never hugged anyone?
Just not a great bunch.
Nah.
Unbelievable.
Just walking through the Medina, you know?
Smile. Smile. You'll be OK.
[laughs]
Look at me. Hey.
Never retract your hand when an Iraqi greeting you.
I am the mayor.
I could make your life very difficult if you disrespect me.
You need me to like you, right?
Yes.
Let's try this again.
Come on.
[non-english speech]
[non-english speech], my boy.
How are you doing?
Good.
And how is your health?
Fine.
And how is your mother?
I miss her.
I bet you do.
Peace be with you.
Look at me. Good, good.
[phone ringing]
We don't want any--
No, Khaled. It's me.
What's up?
Hey, I was just.
I wanted to know if you had heard from casting
about that tape that I sent.
Because I can't get calls here.
Everyone else is making money off this war.
I mean, next year they can invade somewhere else,
and then they won't be casting roles that I'm perfect for.
OK. I'm sorry.
I didn't realize that you were saving lives selling jacuzzis.
Can I talk to her, please?
Can you put her on the phone?
Hello?
Bebe. Hi.
It's me. It's Fayruz.
Fayruz.
I'm working, Bebe.
[phone crackles]
Hello?
Bebe?
[non-english speech]
Control, this is Bravo 6.
I have a unit reporting some sounds coming from a Medina Wasl
utility closet.
Bravo 6, they can stand down.
Looks like someone turned on the Afghan villagers.
Over.
[non-english speech]
[non-english singing]
[gasps]
[music playing]
[gasps]
[gasps, heavy breathing]
Huh?
Don't be scared. Don't be scared.
[heavy breathing] What?
No, I'm not scared!
[huffs] I'm just doing my emotional prep in case
this is part of the exercise.
[heavy breathing] What the hell's going on?
Hey, just relax! Relax, OK?
Relax?
[heavy breathing] Last night, you told me I was a mistake.
Now you kidnap me and you drag me to the middle of nowhere?
What the hell else am I supposed to think?
OK, OK, look, you're right.
I'm just so confused right now, and--
come over here.
No.
It's not what you think.
It's a gift.
I'm going to wash you like a dirty dish.
[crickets chirping]
[owl hooting]
[music playing]
[wolf howling]
Is that a problem?
No.
I had a feeling.
[sighs]
[music playing]
Give me your other hand.
[camera whines, shutter clicks]
What the fuck are they doing?
Is that some Muslim shit?
I don't know.
I know what you were talking about when
you were talking about water.
They had us out in the dust for months, clearing fields,
hunting hajjis that didn't exist.
And we got back to Baghdad just before July 4.
They took us to Uday Hussein's palace for barbecuing.
And they were grilling hot dogs, and they
let us swim in the pool.
And everyone was just going wild.
I don't know.
It was the first time in months I felt clean.
Listen, nobody knows.
I've been trying to hide it because if they find out--
stop!
[crow cawing]
What is it?
Do I move it?
Not unless you want to spend a whole year in prison.
I've never seen one before.
Don't touch it.
[laughs] It's a rock.
No, no, no! No!
[grunts]
[music playing]
[grunts] [sighs] [grunts]
[knocking]
You'd better not be scrawling on my pristine walls in there,
or there will be hell to pay.
[walking noises]
Nancy?
I want to shower!
Cheer up!
It's almost Thanksgiving!
[music playing]
[screams]
Dude!
You're not supposed to touch the women!
Sorry.
Maybe there'll be some asparagus, too,
just to make this for the presentation.
What kind of gravy, beef gravy or turkey gravy?
Shit.
You got them.
It's a valid question, though, right?
You know what?
I love this type of gravy.
OK.
Let's taste this, split this whole thing.
Just a little graze of the toe is all it takes.
Why?
[sighs] I don't even know how to tell you.
[laughs]
[chuckles]
[whistles] iPod.
Play.
[SINGING] Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream
[sighs] And when I got back from Iraq,
[sighs] I had a lot of trouble getting hard
because the only moments that I had alone,
they were in porta johns.
And I got so accustomed to smelling hot shit
while I jerked off that--
Repeat!
[SINGING] Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream
Merrily, merrily--
Yeah, when I got back, it was real bad.
I would get a little hard if I smelled sewage or someone was
picking up after their dog.
- I thought about-- - Hey!
No touching.
I think I got something in my eye, dude.
You good?
Yeah.
I'm like, I'm crying.
I'm just playing.
Fuck are you crying for?
I think I got some sand in my eye.
You've got to get that shit out, man.
You've got to stop doing things with your hand.
Gets in your eyes, bro.
Who's the dad?
[sighs] He's back in Iraq.
Oh, shit.
Is he Iraqi?
Yep, born and raised.
He wanted to go back and make a life out there,
raise the kid with the sights and smells that we grew up with.
My family has a big compound out there.
They're Ba'athists.
They're Ba'athists?
Yeah.
Six bedrooms, six baths.
[chuckles]
Where's the compound?
Sadr City.
I miss it so much, the food and the people,
the reflection of the light on the Tigris.
[sighs] But I knew it wouldn't be the same place
that I once knew.
Besides, I can't be 8,000 miles
away when Hollywood finally calls.
[chuckles]
Yeah.
[music playing]
Attention, Medina Wasl.
Tomorrow evening at 1,700 hours, there will be a special
Thanksgiving celebration in the souk.
We hope you enjoy the festivities,
but please remember that you are still in a 24/7
live-play scenario.
Vegetarian and halal options will be served.
[sighs]
You want it?
Hey, can I ask you something?
You seem like you learned a lot while you were out there.
What's it going to be like for me?
You want to know?
Give me one of those lung darts.
Don't get lazy.
Learn the language.
Eat the food.
Get out the gate.
They're menthols.
You know, the language is crazy.
But if you get into it, it's poetic as hell.
How so?
Well, when we say, "how are you," we say, [arabic],
which means, "what's your color?"
Do you answer with the color?
Not unless you're a dorky American.
Wait.
If you're so smart, why'd you fall for my shitty rock
tortoise?
[helicopter rumbling]
Still nervous. [chuckle]
Don't be.
I just want to go to college.
How about one more song to put us to sleep, huh?
Your nicest one.
[SINGING] We've been on the run
Driving in the sun
Looking out for number one
California, here we come
Right back where we started from
Posers grab your guns
Shadow weighs a ton
Driving down the 101
California, here we come
Right back where we started from
California
Here we come
Hey.
Get up.
You know, she says she's got a sleepwalking problem.
He found her out in the desert.
She was all covered in the sand, severely dehydrated.
So he dumped water on her.
Well, I think we should send a medic to check her out,
make sure she's OK.
Hey.
Act dehydrated.
Say you haven't peed all day.
Can't sweat. No tears.
Slightly delirious.
But don't overdo it.
Take something off of her.
We need to get out of here.
Hello.
[arabic]
How are you feeling?
OK. Yeah.
When is the last time you urinated?
Last time you urinated?
[murmuring]
No urination?
- [murmurs] - OK. Sit down.
[murmurs]
OK.
[background chatter]
- Relax. - She could have killed me.
I am nice.
No. No.
You are dehydrated.
OK?
I'm going to give you some Gatorade.
[speaking arabic]
Yes, sir.
Shut the fuck up, please.
Can you do this?
What's up?
I want an interview with the POWs.
Well, that is against the law, Nancy.
Why?
Because we are supposed to protect them
from public curiosity.
I got you something.
You did?
Oh, I did.
I have to pee.
Have fun in the jack shack.
Don't forget to wipe your ass, you filthy fuck.
[screams]
[WHISPERING] Go with it.
Freeburn, Freeburn!
There's a fucking tortoise in here, man.
No. No fucking way.
Hey, put your gun down.
Don't shoot it.
[grunting]
[dramatic music]
Savage.
Yeah.
You're going to show them.
That's right.
I've never gotten to shoot one before.
It'll be fine.
It will.
- You're going to fuck them up. - OK.
- Are you ready? - Yeah.
- Are you sure? - Yeah.
- Let's go kill some Americans. - OK.
[shouting]
[dramatic music]
[indistinct chatter]
Heavenly Father, we thank thee for food
and remember the hungry; thank thee for health,
remember the sick; we thank thee for friends,
remember the friendless; and we thank thee for freedom
and remember the enslaved.
[stomach growls]
May these remembrances stir us to service that thy gifts unto
us may be used to help others.
Amen.
All right. Turkey brains.
Over the lips and through the gums.
Look out, stomach.
Here it comes.
Happy Thanksgiving.
[dramatic music]
[gunfire rattling]
Holy moly.
If your vest is going off, you know what that means.
You're dead.
Lay down on the fucking ground.
If your vest is not going off, then you got to find the target.
Let's go. Let's go.
Get down on the floor now, motherfucker.
Down. Down.
Get the fuck down. You're dead...
Oh, yeah.
You're dead!
Hey, hey.
Don't fucking move.
Stop fucking moving.
[speaking arabic]
Thank you, sir.
Get comfortable down there.
[shrieking]
- Hey, let's go. - OK.
Help me down.
Forget acting, you should enlist.
Press.
Press, press.
I am press.
I'm not wearing my vest.
I'm sorry.
You better get your camera.
It's not a pretty scene over there.
Oh. Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you, Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. Thank you.
All right.
Wait, wait, wait. I gotta pee really quick.
Ugh.
Dice?
Yeah?
I think I hurt myself.
You did?
Could you help me?
Yeah.
Hey, you OK?
You OK?
[soft music]
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
You trying to have twins?
On one of America's most important holidays,
there is not a lot to be thankful for.
I am on the scene of what is now being
referred to as the Thanksgiving Day Massacre.
The battalion was praying before their special holiday meal, when
two armed insurgents sprayed a torrent of bullets
in their direction.
The insurgents, just yesterday, were
POWs in the military's custody.
Don't mention that.
Why not?
It makes us look bad.
Oh, OK.
The insurgents were terrorists.
[western music]
Warning.
If you're with children, these images are gruesome.
[whispering]
You look pretty when you're dead.
[snickering]
it Just kind of looks like they're napping.
Do you have any fake blood?
[western music]
What's your color?
[honking]
Woo-hoo!
Come on.
Hey.
Hey!
We've escaped!
It's Fayruz!
Daddy!
Hey.
What are you doing here, huh?
You stink.
Wait, what's going on?
Who are all these people?
Oh, they invited the families for Thanksgiving dinner,
but they dressed them up to avoid disrupting authenticity.
Is my family here?
No.
Oh. I got you something.
[gasps]
Fayruz?
How?
[speaking arabic]
[muffled music]
Can I take this thing off now?
- Yes. - OK.
Ah.
I was starting to like it under there.
Do you want to go look over there?
All right.
Let's go.
It's so pretty here.
Yeah.
Ah.
Can you watch him for a second?
I just have to get myself in order.
Thank you.
It's been months since I've had a second to myself.
How do I look?
You look-- great.
Nothing else.
So does this really feel like Iraq?
The only thing Tanner ever talks about is going back.
Yeah.
We try to make it as much like Iraq as we can.
You know?
We can make it smell like fresh bread or burning flesh.
Everything.
Can I ask you guys a really stupid question?
Yeah.
Dice, go find your dad.
So this is amazing.
Don't get me wrong.
But I guess I'm just, like--
why Iraq?
Because none of the 9/11 hijackers were even Iraqi.
Right? So, like--
Mommy.
- What? - Mommy.
Do you want to show Daddy what we got for the potluck?
Well, I liked where that was going.
What'd you make me, huh?
Open it up.
Daddy, your favorite.
It is my favorite.
You gotta be fucking kidding me.
Come on, Fayruz.
You ate my chorizo last week.
That came out wrong.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
[background chatter]
You know, we take great pains here
to keep this place authentic.
And while this meal might be acceptable in your culture,
in our culture, this is actually forbidden.
- Haram? - Haram.
Oh, my god. I am so, so, so so sorry.
I wasn't even thinking about it.
But maybe we could just make an exception tonight?
I mean, those burkas that you had us in--
they're Afghan, right?
They're not even Iraqi.
So--
This is our home, so you will live by our rules.
I'm sorry.
That's just what we have to do.
The rules are strict here.
I don't know.
Yeah.
Hey, let's play nice.
It's Thanksgiving.
No, Coco.
I'm sick of it.
The soldiers get treated completely differently here.
I mean, I just pulled off a massacre for you,
and I'm not even in OP4.
Hell, the amputees make three times what I make here.
I give you my best performances, and no one will ever see them.
Give me the ham.
No.
Fayruz.
[crickets chirping]
Desert tortoise activity reported on the road to Razish.
Reminder, if you encounter a tortoise,
send the six-digit GPS grid coordinates on the FOX mic
and your CO will advise on how to proceed.
By protecting the tortoise, we are ensuring our access
to the land for years to come.
Have you ever actually seen one out here?
Yeah, I've seen them.
I used to see them more, but they airlifted them out of here
so they can expand the training facility
and build a replica Fallujah.
They donated $70 million to the tortoises.
It's just a land grab.
I see the biologist out here sometimes.
She says they're not doing well in their new habitat.
A lot of them are dead or dying.
Males aren't fucking the females.
- Hello, Jerry. - Hey, brother.
[speaking spanish]
Fayruz.
Firstly, I wanted to apologize for my family's transgression.
Hey, you don't have to be sorry.
They want us to do an after-action review.
Oh, no.
That's above my pay grade, Tanner.
Give us a moment, Jerry?
Yeah, yeah.
Just don't touch my meat.
It's wet.
You OK?
Hey, hey.
You named your son Dice?
I was 19.
When were you going to tell me?
I don't know if I was.
[grunting]
She smelled different to me.
She didn't understand anything that I was going through.
And what I was doing in Iraq was dangerous.
And I liked it.
And I wanted to keep feeling that way, you know?
And I know it's not a nice thing to say,
but I thought of her life as sad and quaint.
And we lost some guys out there.
It was on my watch.
And that's a lot to ask anyone to understand,
but I feel like you do.
I feel like you understand.
Well, you still lied to me.
Fayruz.
Fayruz, you've been lying to everyone.
What?
Your Arabic is spotty.
And Sadr City, where you said you're from?
That's one of the worst slums in Baghdad.
So I've never been.
Well, don't worry.
There won't even be an Iraq to go back to
once you guys are done with it.
Get out of here.
This may or may not be of interest to you,
but Abu Saif asked me to be the groom tonight.
They need us to put on a wedding so the soldiers can
practice identifying targets.
[dramatic music]
Well, I'm not the bride this week.
It's Maria's turn.
[knocking at door]
Hey, Maria.
Hey.
I was just curious if you were married
to the idea of being the bride tonight.
Why?
I was just wondering if you would
be open to taking my spot next week.
I was really looking forward to it, actually.
This is my last rotation.
You always say that.
I know.
But I mean it this time.
What are you going to give me?
What do you want?
I mean, baby wipes, cigarettes, ramen?
What?
I want everything in your trunk,
except for that weird acting reel.
Everything?
OK.
I don't want to go too over the top.
Let me know what you think.
Wow.
I love it.
[laughter]
Oh.
Oh, Fayruz.
I almost forgot.
Guess what just came in?
What?
The baby powder suicide vest.
No. Are you kidding? How many?
Just one.
But I told him you're dying to try it.
A military funeral was held for the victims of the Thanksgiving
Day massacre in the lower Java region of Atropia.
This is a tragic day that we'll never forget.
Let the loss of our brothers be a lesson to us.
Terrorists don't observe holidays.
They observe weakness.
The terrorist mastermind has been identified as Abu Dice.
We gotta get him out of the box.
All right?
We're wasting his talent here.
We can be mercing hajis over there.
You want to call it up?
Let's get him out there.
This squadron's sole objective, to capture and kill
the perpetrator.
We have the weight of the White House behind us.
Salam alaikum.
Alaikum Salaam.
Let's get this show on the road.
[speaking arabic] Follow me.
[music playing]
Where do you want me?
Yeah.
Come over here.
- Here? - Yeah.
[music playing]
[sighing]
Where's Maria?
[music]
OK.
Fayruz, you're going to accept the marriage three times.
Abu Dice, you're going to accept the marriage once.
Rudy?
[speaking arabic]
All right, you two, it's haji hunting time.
You two are our only hope.
We'll go find that fucker.
And just remember, he killed all your brothers.
[music playing]
What's your color?
Green, baby, green.
You guys are married now.
[WHISPERING] Fuck I think he saw us.
[WHISPERING] Let's go around.
[arabic music]
[cheering]
[machine gun fire]
[arabic music]
All right, gang, fun's over.
Gotta get back to the cave before we get ambushed.
[arabic music]
[cheering]
Now, you're really Iraqi.
With two wives.
[laughter]
[eerie music]
Rudy, Rudy!
Forgot my gun.
Damn it.
I'm going to go back for it.
All right.
I'll swing back around and get you.
Hey, and you be careful.
They're looking for you.
[eerie music]
[WHISPERING] There he is.
Right there.
[WHISPERING] Where is he going?
[WHISPERING] I got seven minutes.
Seven minutes.
Pants.
[laughter]
- Oh, my God. - Yeah.
Wait, wait, wait. Wait, wait.
What?
I gotta piss. I gotta piss.
What?
I can't come if I gotta piss.
No, don't go out there.
Just stay right here. Stay right here.
OK.
[crickets chirping]
[urinating]
[eerie music]
[WHISPERING] [speaking arabic], motherfucker.
[WHISPERING] Fuck.
[music playing]
Hello?
Ray, she's here.
Hey, Rudy.
Hey, Ray's just gone to get the camera real quick.
Oh, for what?
We gotta record your suicide bomber video, stat.
They need to send it over this morning
so they can play it right as you detonate.
Um, where's my, uh, husband?
He got captured last night while he was trying to take a leak.
It's embarrassing.
Yeah.
Well, last night was fun.
So are they sending him back in as a new character?
- Or-- - No.
No, he's getting deployed.
Going straight back to Iraq.
Yolo!
Wait. Sorry, wait.
Do I say my name first?
I don't actually know how these go.
I just want you to be menacing.
- OK. - OK?
Can you do that for me?
- OK. - OK.
They already put the bomb on you?
- Yeah. - OK.
- Yeah. - All right.
All right.
Action.
If you are watching this, President Bush, I am dead.
[eerie music]
This is in retaliation for the innocent blood
of Atropian civilians you have spilled on our streets.
I will come find you, dirty dish!
Dirty dish, dirty dish!
[chanting]
Dirty dish, dirty dish!
[speaking arabic]
[beeping sounds]
No, man.
Are you serious?
Yeah, I'm beeping.
You're on your knees.
There you go.
Oh.
Hey.
Settle down, folks.
[grunting]
Help, help.
They will fix you up right away.
There's something I need to tell you.
Shoot.
I've never actually been to Iraq.
Get out of the car.
Huh?
Get out.
I'm serious.
Get out.
Wait, wait.
You think I didn't know?
You knew?
Of course.
They do a background check on everyone.
It doesn't matter.
We're helping a group of teenagers
to invade our Homeland in a gentler way.
Isn't there something else you wanted to tell me?
Um--
Fayruz, you are like a daughter to me.
I know you love this place.
You need to go home.
Take some time off.
You are preparing for the most important role of your life.
[music playing]
[background chatter]
That was good for me.
Abu Dice.
[background chatter]
Abu?
I heard you're going back to Iraq.
Yeah, tomorrow.
[music playing]
So where do you want to go?
I got 6 hours.
Somewhere beautiful?
[pop music]
It doesn't hurt?
No, it feels better now.
You're nuts, you know that?
Well, it's worth it.
People are looking at you weird.
Come here.
[electronic music]
Hey.
Can I ask you something?
Mm-hmm.
What do you say to people when they ask--
when they ask what we're doing over there?
Well, depends who's asking.
No, no.
You know, I-- in the beginning, I felt like I knew,
but now I don't know if I know.
Well, there are known knowns.
There are things we know we know.
We also know there are known unknowns.
That is to say, we know there are some things we do not know.
There are also unknown unknowns.
The ones we don't know we don't know.
But I want to know.
I mean, help me. Come on.
You're Iraqi. What do I say?
[electronic music continues]
Well, I mean, I've never even been there.
You've seen it.
[music stops]
[electronic music continues]
[slurping]
Cocktails, table 2.
[engine humming]
[pensive whimsical music]
Mike Stone.
Mike Stone?
That's his name.
If you see him out there, you could tell him
he's going to be a dad.
So he's one of me.
[laughs] Goodbye, dirty dish.
I hope you get put back where you belong.
[clock tolls]
[background chatter]
Hey!
Hey. Let me help you with that.
- Oh, thank you. - Yeah.
[chuckles]
[dog barks]
Oh, what's this terrorist doing in my office?
Oh, I'm just here to help. [chuckles]
[clears throat]
Oh, wow.
There's sushi in Barstow?
No, we fly it in from Vegas.
Yeah.
Gotta spend the money in the budget somehow.
We come in under budget, we can't ask for the same amount
next year.
You understand how that works?
Right.
[sighs]
You need something, hon?
I don't want to speak out of turn,
but those boys you have in there right now, they're not ready.
And on top of that, they don't even
know why we're in Iraq in the first place.
These men are willing to die for you.
Don't you think they deserve to know why?
They are not in the business of why.
They didn't sign up for why.
Well, the least you could do is help them not die.
I mean, that ambush was humiliating.
It would be negligent on your part to deploy them
in their current condition.
And the only person who could properly prepare them
is the mastermind behind that ambush, Abu Dice.
And I know you want to send him out there ASAP,
but I implore you to let him finish his rotation.
[heroic music building]
This is how we save lives.
[music stops]
[clapping]
I gotta say, I gotta say, I'm moved.
I mean, you're right.
We got a little ahead of ourselves.
Peanut, let's call it up and get Tanner a new character
and get him back in.
Thank you.
You won't regret it.
You do know we have cameras everywhere, right?
We know where he was when he was caught.
We know the state that he was in.
We'll send him back in.
But if you look at him even once,
we'll fire the both of you--
or maybe only you.
Understood.
Shukran.
[exhales] What do we got?
What do we got?
You're not going to put them back in the box, are you?
These boys will never be ready.
Shit. [spits]
[heroic music]
[vehicles rumbling past]
[bright music]
[dramatic organ music]
[yells] Tortoise!
[bird calling]
[baby crying]
[background chatter]
[donkey braying]
Salaam.
Allahu Akbar.
[DISTORTED] Allahu Akbar.
Allahu Akbar!
Allahu Ak--
[audio distorting]
[curious music]
[baby crying]
[helicopter engine roaring overhead]
[water dripping]
[guitar strumming]
[non-english singing]
[applause]
[exhales]
[water dripping]
[laughter]
[guitar strumming]
[cheering]
Amazing! That was amazing.
[applause]
That was a great one.
[orchestral music]
[music playing on video]
Can you hear that?
Gunshots.
You can't send them out there.
They have their whole lives ahead of them.
They are just boys.
These men, you say, they are willing to die for you.
Don't you think they at least deserve to know why--
[audio distorting]
Not bad.
Out, damned spot.
Out, I say!