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This story I’m about to tell you is one of the most
important ever lived by my family, the Schiattaro family.
What did we ever do wrong, Conci, to deserve all this?
And yet, we’ve always been calm, loving parents with solid values.
This daughter of mine, together with the school, is going to give me a heart attack.
Enough, Anto’, that’s enough.
She’s Conci, the mother, the pillar for me and my sister Gina.
And he, as you’ve probably guessed, is her husband Antonio, our father.
A slightly overprotective father.
If you do have a heart attack, it’ll be from all the mozzarella you eat.
There! You just said something stupid! What do mozzarella have to do with it?!
And this is me, Bianca.
The eldest of the Schiattaro family.
This whole mozzarella thing! Do you think that’s normal?
Here we go again!
Dad had promised Gina she could go on the school trip.
And now he’s changed his mind at the last minute out of jealousy.
Maybe you haven’t yet realized the tragedy that’s hit our family!
Your sister wants to go on a school trip to South Tyrol.
There’s no place more dangerous!
Mountains, cliffs...
Bears! Bears everywhere!
Not to mention all those Tyroleans lurking around with...
Their coats and hot chocolate!
Yeah, can’t trust them, still Germanic deep down!
“Germanic”? Anto’, what are you even saying?
Oh, stop it, please!
A school trip to South Tyrol, a beautiful city like Merano!
Yes, it’s beautiful, Merano’s beautiful!
The best places are right here!
Anto’, stop it, do you hear me?!
You need to open your mind!
You’ve got to get out of your own region, you understand?
Northern Italy is magnificent!
Listen to me, Anto’!
You need to open your mind!
All I know is that I have to open the dairy tomorrow morning, and early!
I already said I was against it, and now I’m even more against it!
So it’s better if I just go to bed! End of discussion.
Closed the South Tyrolean borders!
[Funny music]
Anto’, I’m sorry, you asked for it!
In a few moments, the “Schiattaro by Night” will begin.
When “Schiattaro by Night” kicks in, my father can’t say no to anything.
[Cheerful music]
[Alarm clock]
What jam is this?
Apricot.
Ah, it’s good!
And this is Gina, my younger sister.
Daddy’s little doll, no one better touch her.
[Cheerful music]
No trip, I take it?
Should I tell the school I’m not going?
[Cheerful music]
Don’t worry, I used the persuasion method.
No! Not the “Schiattaro by Night”!
Mom, thank you! You’re the best.
Oh, please, you already knew that!
Thanks.
[Cheerful music]
So?
Yeah, Anto’... so what now?
And these are Grandma Ada and Aunt Luisa.
Well, what can I say about them?
Just look at them, they tell their own story!
After a long and heated battle that lasted all night,
in full agreement with your mother, Conci,
we’ve decided that the school trip to South Tyrol...
...will happen!
In the name of culture!
But on one condition.
What condition?
Absolute phone availability required, cell on 24/7,
for a minimum of 96 calls per day.
But that’s four calls an hour, even at night!
Those are the terms. Not good enough for you?
Too few? Shall we round it up to 100? Want me to?
Heavens no, 96 is fine!
Come on, give Daddy a smile!
[Cheerful music]
But she’s cute, isn’t she?
Oh, sure she is!
I’m off to open up. I’m leaving. Bye.
What’s that?
Cologne?!
No, aftershave.
Isn’t that a bit much?
It’ll evaporate, don’t worry.
Let’s hope so.
The whole house reeks of it.
[Music]
Ah, right, almost forgot.
There’s also Ciro, Dad’s assistant.
Ciro is... well, he’s Ciro!
Clumsy, and usually the cause of small disasters.
But deep down, he’s part of the family too.
And this is Don Mario, our regular customer.
Meaning he never buys anything, but sits in that chair from morning till night.
Yes, but she was behind me!
...is that true?
The lady was clearly ahead of everyone, totally offside.
The foul was from behind, so... straight red card!
He’s from Rome, but he’s been living in our town for years.
Rumor has it he’s a former football coach, and back
in the seventies he managed a big Serie A team.
Though no one knows which one.
Excuse me, but why don’t you use numbers like in supermarkets?
Yeah, sure, next we’ll be drawing lottery numbers!
Eleven, “confusion”... Twenty-three, “the
fool,” and forty-seven, “the talking corpse!”
Take that!
I’m in perfect health, tempered by thirty years on football fields all over Italy.
Eighty minimum, one-twenty maximum.
Fit as a fiddle!
Are we spending the night here or what?
Be patient, we’ll serve everyone, come on.
Alright then, who’s first?
Me!
Madam, you look even lovelier than usual today.
Your skin could compete with my mozzarella.
Then give me three of them!
Alright then, here you go.
Three.
I made four. Should I leave the extra one?
You’re in luck, ma’am, it’s your lucky day!
These aren’t mozzarella, they’re little masterpieces.
I’m giving you pure honey!
You could take them to the Louvre;
They’re works of art.
Ciro, get ready quickly, we have to go pick up Gina later.
I’m telling you now so you don’t start complaining.
Ciro, quick?
Ciro moves like a midfielder!
Give him to me, I’ll train him for a month,
and I’ll give him back fast as Gianni Rivera.
But Rivera wasn’t that fast...
What do you expect, miracles in a month?!
Have some patience, I’ll try my best.
I’ll give him back like Sandro Mazzola. Does that work for you? Come on, let’s go!
Let’s go, Ciro. Marco!
[Funny music]
Look how many of them there are.
Who are you talking about?
Them! It’s an invasion!
These guys, they look like they’re starving, but they’ve got cell phones,
computers, fancy cars, and don’t even pay taxes!
They break the law, and no one arrests them.
Nowadays, only volunteers go to jail, Ciro.
You have to pass an exam to get in.
Hi, Mr. Schiattaro! Business going well?
Yeah, who’s first? Should I leave it or what?
Now they’re making jokes too. Go figure!
[Music]
Wait, that’s my daughter! What’s Bianca doing there?
[Music]
Bianca!
Bianca, can you come here a second?
[Music]
Do you know them? What were you talking about?
Nothing. Why?
Do you even know who those guys are?
I do. Do you?
Ciro, tell her... who are they?
They’re good guys.
What?! Good guys?!
Dad, when you talk like that you sound totally racist.
Racist? Me?! I was the one against selling Osimhen!
What does that have to do with it?
Exactly, what does that have to do with it?
[Music]
You know what I don’t like about Marco?
When he talks, he never looks you in the eye.
He’s like our math teacher taking attendance,
pretending to read the register, but really scanning our faces to see who’s studied.
Yeah, and then he slowly slides his finger down
the list and you think, “Thank God, he skipped me!”
Then he goes back up and says, “Arcuri! To the board! Come on, courage!”
You sound just like Professor Sommese!
And what about my dad, how does he sound?
Who’s first? Should I leave it or what?
It’s identical! Spot on!
Gina, by the way, compliment your father for
those wonderful braids, worthy of Manzoni himself!
Thank you...
Her soft braids scattered over her heaving
chest, her hands still, and her face pale...
Her white countenance lies serene...
I’m reciting!
Then let’s all recite!
She’s reciting...
Professor, when will we get there?
Excellent question.
Considering we’re traveling at 85 km/h and still have 866 km to go,
we’ll make a short stop of about 12 minutes at the Roncobilaccio service area,
and the wind is currently blowing against us at 27 km/h.
You have 30 minutes from now to calculate the
arrival time, hours, minutes, and seconds.
Come on, take out pen and paper.
Why don’t you mind your own business?!
What? Did you say something?
No, no, no, no!
Gina!
We brought you some supplies for Dad, since the trip to Merano is long.
Grandma brought sheep cheese. If you don’t eat it, put it in the fridge.
We don’t have a fridge!
Doesn’t matter, the further north you go, the colder it gets.
Next trip’s to Puglia, bring figs, so going south they’ll dry by themselves!
Come here, Auntie, and keep your eyes open, you hear?
We don’t know what those South Tyroleans are up to, they’re still Germans at heart!
Germans?! Ma’am, what schools did you attend?!
Who’s this? I went to big schools!
Probably because you couldn’t fit into the small ones!
Rude! I’m a lady!
Small schools... Oh, be quiet! Enough!
Unbelievable!
Everything alright? And no trouble, okay?!
Wait, you’re driving?
Why not? I’ve had my license for 30 years!
Maybe 30 years ago you were taller.
There, is that better?
What a day to start with, my goodness!
Family, parents, relatives, please move aside! The bus is leaving.
[Tyrolean music]
Room 128.
Thank you.
[Sound of key dropping on the floor]
Miss.
The key.
...the key to paradise.
Excuse me, could you help us find our room?
We feel a bit disoriented after such a long trip.
Of course, what number?
128.
First floor. Follow me.
Thank you.
Well, these South Tyroleans...
Stop it!
[Peaceful music]
But I didn’t bring a change of clothes, what are we doing today?
I think we’ll just stroll around the markets, could be nice.
I need to buy souvenirs for my family, remind me or I’ll forget.
Oh come on...
Honey?
You’re spaced out.
Come on! Don’t you see?!
Good morning. Here’s your breakfast.
We have three ciders, a typical local drink.
Then coffee, cappuccino.
First time in Merano? Yes?
Yes.
Well, you’re going to love it.
Thank you very much!
What’s this?
You’re thinking about that?!
Do you like it?
It’s good, it’s good. Try it, try it. It’s good, he brought it for you, love.
Yeah, I know.
[Peaceful music]
Hey, what’s your name?
Me? Albert... Albert Kumwort.
Can I help you?
No, no, thanks.
That’s enough...
[Funny music]
Nice! We came down at 11, there are tons of girls! Guys, this place is packed!
Relax, take it easy.
Soon we’ll see a river of girls!
A river of girls?!
I’ll give you a river of slaps! You made us come down at 11, not a single girl around!
Come on, let’s spice up the night a bit!
What do you want to do, play bingo?
You’re all so boring, fine, let’s just sit here and complain!
Yeah, that’s what we’re best at.
Albert, hey!
Hey, guys.
Where are you off to?
Just finished work, heading home.
No way, come on! Stay five minutes with us.
Yeah, let’s play a round of tombola.
Tombola?
That’s right.
Come on, stay!
Alright, I’ll stay.
Oh my God!
But we have to watch Un Posto al Sole!
Un Posto al Sole?!
At this hour?
Yes! In Merano, it airs at this time, hurry up!
Gina, you stay with Albert, you don’t even watch Un Posto al Sole!
Bye!
[Music]
Do you like Merano?
I really do, but it’s a bit cold, not like Naples.
You know, I’ve never been to Naples.
Really?
Maybe you can invite me someday.
Sure, why not.
You see...
Here in Merano, we like to keep warm with a hug.
You know how we stay warm in Naples?
By walking.
Auntie, now we need your music box, see?
[Music box melody]
[Music]
This is Sissi’s Bridge.
And legend says that whoever crosses it must kiss.
Really?
No.
[Music]
Good morning, Rosa!
Here are the twenty mozzarella and ten caciocavallo you ordered.
I’ll leave them here, I’ve got to run, busy day ahead.
Already leaving, Anto’?
You’re always in such a rush.
Stay and chat a little.
I’d love to, really, you’ve got a beautiful voice, but I’m in a hurry.
Only my voice is beautiful?
Actually, I’ve always wanted to make a CD, didn’t you know a big music producer?
We had a falling out.
You have to admit it...
I’ve got more than just good vocal cords...
True, you’ve got plenty of strings to your bow.
Bravo...
I’ve got the bow.
And you’ve got the arrows. Like Cupid.
I never use my arrows, not even when I turn corners.
[Music – Neapolitan tarantella]
Will you stop or not?
Did you change my route?
Yes, Anto’, stay still.
We’ve met twice, once you bought me coffee, another time an aperitif.
And today I want to offer you dessert, two portions!
My blood sugar’s high.
[Rosa sings a Neapolitan song]
Rosa?
I’ve got to go, more deliveries to make.
Then deliver yourself to me...
Rosa, my love!
Oh my God! That’s my husband!
Now how do we explain what happened?!
Nothing happened!
Anto’, I’ll be right back, don’t move!
I have to record that CD!
Coming, Giuseppe! I’m coming!
Who cares about that stupid CD?!
Here comes your dear husband, huh.
Who were you singing that song to?
To you.
To me? But I wasn’t here!
I knew you were on your way.
Ah, you knew I was coming.
Yes.
Then why do you keep looking over there?
And what are you doing here?
I brought you a rose.
Ah, thanks.
You’re welcome, give me a kiss.
You’re still looking that way! Why do you always look that way? Come on!
But...
Should I stand up?
No need, Don Mario.
Don’t you ever get bored sitting here all day?
No, I like being around people. I grew up among crowds and full stands.
I preferred that to sitting at home watching TV series.
That was back then... now, well...
I’m not so young anymore, so I’d rather watch the series, though
back then the less “serious” they were, the more I liked them!
So it’s true, in the ’70s you coached a Serie A team?
Assistant coach, actually, but I did all the work.
Which team, Don Mario?
Ah, that I can’t tell you. Wouldn’t be right, some might
think I’m trying to steal the spotlight. You know how it is.
Come on, you can tell me, it stays between us.
I could only tell you as a sign of deep friendship.
When we’re friends, I’ll tell you, I promise.
Come on, lift your feet up.
[Music]
Time passed, and long-distance love is never easy,
but Gina and Albert made it work.
[Music]
Gina finally turned eighteen, though she had to celebrate without her Albert,
whose existence, of course, her father still ignores.
[Music]
Now tell me, who’s this Erasmus guy?
Not who, but what Erasmus is.
It’s an educational program for students to study all over Europe, you see?
It’s called “cultural exchange.”
Well, I don’t want Gina exchanging anything with anyone! Especially in Berlin!
And clean those green beans properly.
You know I don’t like green beans.
And I don’t care if you don’t like them, clean them
right. Like this: back and forth, then snap. Got it?
Not every student gets selected for Erasmus, only the best, with top grades.
If Gina hadn’t had good grades, she’d have seen Berlin only on a postcard.
[Funny music]
Professor! Professor, good morning!
Oh, Mr. Schiattaro! Good morning!
A small gift from our dairy.
Fresh as can be, made just two hours ago! No, this morning, two hours tops!
You shouldn’t have gone to the trouble.
But I’ll accept them, because it’s not a bribe,
Your daughter is talented and very serious.
Well, that’s actually what I came to discuss.
I believe the trust you place in Gina’s academic abilities is... exaggerated.
What do you mean?
Gina knows nothing! She copies everything from her
phone, all her assignments, from that artificial thing...
Artificial intelligence!
Exactly! Even during tests, she’s got a tiny earpiece, invisible! You can’t see it,
but someone at home feeds her all the answers!
Her grades are inflated, no, we must cut that
Erasmus! She doesn’t deserve it! Cancel the Erasmus!
Mr. Schiattaro, I understand, you’re just a very protective father.
You’re afraid your Gina will drift away from home.
But you don’t need to worry, she’s responsible and level-headed.
Maybe so, but I can’t help it, I’m anxious by nature.
You must let her go to Berlin, it’s a safe city,
rich in history and culture.
Trust me, send her, don’t be afraid.
Alright... but what’s there to see in
Berlin anyway? There’s not even a wall left!
Goodbye, Professor, it’s been a pleasure.
Goodbye, goodbye!
Poor man, he’s hopeless!
Erasmus in Berlin!
It was my downfall. My life is over.
I’m ending it. Enough! Goodbye!
I’m killing myself!
What are you doing?! Are you insane?!
Let me go!
What are you doing?! Come here, calm down!
Why should I calm down?!
Let’s talk about it, what’s going on?
Talk? With you? What do I have to talk about?
I’m a photographer.
A photographer?
Yes, I’m a photographer. Ten years ago, I had a booming business
weddings, parties, baptisms, communions, graduations. You name it!
Then ten years ago, everything collapsed!
Why?
Because of those damn cell phones!
Everyone taking selfies all day long!
All cursed! Cursed, I tell you, may God—!
Do you have a cell phone?
No! I mean yes, yes, I’ve got one, I’ve got one, I’ve got one.
But... It’s an old model, it doesn’t even take photos!
One of those, those models from back in the day, the wooden ones!
Wooden ones?!
High definition!
Yeah, “high” like the horns they all have!
I can’t take it anymore, I want to end it all!
Do you know why they do it? You know why they do it?!
No... I guess to capture meaningful moments in life?
Capture what, exactly?!
Their own cheating faces?!
A street full of garbage in the background. A huge head.
One eye watching the cat, the other frying fish!
And that’s what they immortalize?!
They only do it because photos cost nothing!
Photos are free!
Calls cost money, pictures don’t! So you’re all against me now?!
No, no!
You’re against me, aren’t you?!
You’re all against me! Farewell, cruel world! I’m ending it!
No, no! Come on! Stop that!
What’s happening here?!
I’ll take them, come on, take a few photos of me, okay?
Yeah, take a few shots, we’ll make a photo book.
Actually, I’ll hang the best ones in the shop, better than that, okay?
Three or four shots, come on, let’s not waste time.
Take one, that’s it, give me a nice happy face.
How?
Happy, happy! Happier!
Sad. Sadder.
Depressed.
Now give me your “colorblind” face.
How do you do “colorblind”?
Okay fine, make it romantic.
Perfect.
Now excited.
Tough.
Tough and excited.
That’s good. Alright, that’ll be 200 euros.
Two hundred euros?!
Exactly, but since it’s you, let’s say 150.
One fifty...
Let’s see... I’ve got 140, should I leave it?
Yes, yes, yes, leave it, leave it!
Here’s my business card.
Catello Abbondanza, got it?
See you at my studio between 3:15...
That’s my money!
Between 3:15 and 3:30. Don’t be late!
Don’t be late, I don’t wait around! I’m leaving!
I should’ve let him jump, honestly.
Catello Abbondanza...
Why do these things always happen to me?
Gina, come on, it’s just a week! Please, pick one and let’s be done.
Okay, I’ve got eight dresses, five pairs of pants, six shorts, eight
tops, ten T-shirts, and five pairs of shoes. Think that’s enough?
For eight years away from home, yeah, should be fine.
Plus swimsuits.
Swimsuits? In Berlin?
There’s a pool.
Where’s the red one?
Here.
And the green one with flowers?
[Music]
Gina...
Thanks.
[Music]
What do you think?
Beautiful.
Dad, what is it?
[Music]
Only you understand me, Aunt Luigina.
I’ve always said it, boys are so much simpler.
[Music]
Nothing beats a relaxing Sunday with family!
Bianca! Come take a dip in the pool, you’re pale as milk!
She’s either chatting with Carmela or staring at ruins.
And why didn’t they renovate those buildings? There was the Superbonus!
Ciro, shut up.
Those are ancient ruins, you’re a modern one.
Bianca! Come on, don’t be such a nerd.
Oh sure, if you’re not talking about mozzarella or football, you’re a nerd!
Dad, when you talk like that, you sound so ignorant.
Ignorant, me?!
You’ve got no idea how many books your grandfather gave me!
What’s that got to do with it?
It’s got everything to do with it!
And if I feel like it one of these days, I might even start reading them.
[Phone ringing]
Quiet, quiet! It’s Gina!
It’s Gina!
Hello? Hi sweetheart, how are you?
Let me talk to her.
Yes, yes, everything’s fine. Have you eaten?
Let me talk to her.
Ah, yes, I see. Yes, I get it, it’s really hot there. Yeah, I understand...
Let me talk to her!
Okay honey, alright, yes, yes...
Will you please let me talk to her?!
Alright, bye!
Let me talk to her!
I forgot.
What do you mean you “forgot”? Three times “let me talk to her”?!
How is she?
Everything’s fine. Just really hot.
Who cares about the heat? She’s got other things on her mind!
What do you mean?
What do you mean “what do you mean”? Nothing.
You know your aunt talks nonsense sometimes.
Hot, cold, she’d have gone to the North Pole for her Albert.
[Laughter]
Who’s this Albert?
How many times do I have to say she shouldn’t drink that limoncello anymore?
[Laughter]
Eh...
[Laughter]
[Music]
A Tyrolean waiter she met in a Tyrolean hotel.
Not even the owner, he’s the waiter!
Albert Khunmort!
Even the name’s ugly!
What do I do, Auntie? Go to Berlin and bring her back?
You’re not going anywhere.
What, and leave her with the waiter?!
Waiter, that’s an exaggeration. Maybe he’s working
as a waiter to pay for his studies and earn a degree.
And anyway, with the lack of jobs these days, even
with a degree he’ll still end up waiting tables.
Anto’, listen to me.
Gina’s 18 now, she’s a serious girl. We have to trust her.
Her, yes, but this Albert she met at
Christmas? This Christmas Albert, who is he?!
Don’t worry, I talked to her. Believe me, nothing happened.
And let me remind you of something.
Remember when my father was against our marriage?
And what did we do?
We made Bianca.
Let’s just hope Gina didn’t take after you!
I can’t deal with you.
I give up, I’m going to bed. Goodnight!
Aunt Luigina...
I owe you everything. The business, my life, you made me a man.
But with this daughter who even carries your name, tell me what to do.
Give me a sign and I’ll listen.
[Toilet flush sound]
Crystal clear. Got it, we’ll flush him out.
Mr. Antonio, we’ve been extremely lucky.
We must, however, thank the investigation conducted by Officer Capasso.
Which led us to the information about the individual in question.
Thank you, Marshal.
Brigadier, soon to be Marshal, actually.
So then, the subject — Albert Khunmort...
According to our sources, comes from a well-known family.
Known for their ties with neo-Nazi circles.
Ahi!
“Ahi Hitler?”
No, no, no, “Ah” as in “damn it!”
Ah.
It even seems that the grandfather...
In his youth was a Nobelgrappführer...
Of the SS.
A what?
Obergruppenführer.
Exactly.
In short, an SS commander.
Come take a look.
Mark F. Kunmort.
Escaped to South America in ’45. Last seen in ’91, in Montevideo.
Montevideo.
Yeah.
Capital of Uruguay, borders Brazil to the east and Argentina to the west.
Capasso, go fetch me the Zoccolilla file.
Zeccolella.
So, Brigadier...
If I understand correctly, we’re talking about
dangerous descendants of the Third Reich.
Reich, Reich.
Yes, let’s say, an influential family...
With a murky past and a present that must be closely monitored.
If I were you, I’d change my daughter’s boyfriend.
Her boyfriend.
Her.
Alright.
You’ve been very kind, Brigadier.
I took the liberty of bringing a small gift from our dairy.
The famous zizzona!
Oh, you shouldn’t have, really!
Thank you indeed. Don’t worry, things will sort themselves out.
Thank you.
Have a good day. Goodbye.
Goodbye.
Anto’, where were you?
I’ve been calling you for an hour, why didn’t you answer?
I was at the Carabinieri.
I gathered some very specific information.
Do you realize who our daughter’s with?
A Nazi from the SS!
What, Albert?!
Not Albert, his grandfather!
Same bloodline though!
All that time at the Carabinieri?
It’s a classified file.
Do you realize who our daughter’s dating?
Anyway, I’ve got to do something, Conci!
I’ve got to act!
You’re right, Anto’.
You have to do something.
Stop by the greengrocer, I ran out of tomatoes.
She’s thinking about caprese now...
Anto’, what happened?
Big trouble. Serious trouble.
Start the car, hurry!
We’re going home, let’s go!
Finally.
Capasso, do you know anything about mozzarella?
Yeah, I love it.
Good, here, take this.
Hey, where are you going?
You’re escorting this one safely back to my place.
To your place...?
[Funny music]
Ah, so today everyone’s against me, huh?
[Sound of gnome falling]
Bianca!
Have you seen who your daughter’s talking to?!
Anto’, please, calm down.
Calm down? You’ve all lost your minds! Enough!
We do it my way, tomorrow we’re leaving for Merano!
Wait...
No “but”! Tomorrow we leave!
Tomorrow we leave!
[Sound of gnome falling]
Watch the gnome!
Fucking gnomes!
Oh Lord, give me patience...
No, I’ll tell you straight.
Our daughter can’t keep seeing this Albert.
A German waiter descended from a Nazi family!
No way. But they’ll soon realize we’ve got nothing in common.
They’re mountain folk, a ruined farm, three sheep and a rabbit...
And they don’t want to mix with a family of city entrepreneurs like us.
Yeah, but we don’t even know where to go, we don’t have the address!
Already taken care of.
I called the cousin of the brother of the nephew of Mimmo’s friend, the tobacconist.
No less?
You remember? That Calabrian guy who moved to Merano.
Ah.
He already tracked down the Khunmorts!
They’re expecting us!
Anto’, didn’t you buy the tomatoes after all?
See what I mean?
That means “yes.”
She went on a trip to Merano...
That’s what happened.
And then they wonder why I say “no.”
You know what they say in Naples? Don’t know if you’ve heard it.
“With a yes you get stuck, with a no you’re free!”
I should’ve said no!
Unbelievable! It’s unacceptable!
I’m not trying to be difficult, they say, “You’re an old-fashioned father.”
But it’s unacceptable!
Because we always do this...
I should’ve said no!
And then they say...
The strict parent.
Now who’s this she met, huh? Who is he?
And that’s the whole story.
Dear Auntie...
Say no more.
It’s a long trip, but we must take it.
Here, we make Italy, or we die trying!
Goodnight!
[Music]
Look how beautiful it is. Do you like it?
Yes, yes, very, very nice.
You’d never see a three-star hotel like this back home!
Anto’, are you sure we’ve got the right address?
[Music]
Mr. and Mrs. Schiattaro, I presume? Welcome!
Oh, actually, we weren’t expecting you so soon.
“So soon”? It’s almost 7 p.m.! The room was supposed to be ready since 2!
Yes, indeed.
One favor, don’t say a word. I’ve got to use the
bathroom, that trip was endless. Where’s the room?
[Words in German]
What did he say?
He said, “Breakfast comes without milk.”
Without milk? Oh, no problem, just coffee’s fine, thanks.
Yes, yes, just coffee.
Alright, Mrs. Schiattaro, please come with me, I’ll show you the way.
Here, take this. I need the bathroom, that trip was endless.
Where’s the bathroom?
Right this way.
...it really was something...
It’s beautiful here! Compliments.
Thank you, thank you.
Come, come.
Please.
Such beautiful photos!
Yes, yes, that’s me, my husband, and Albert, our son.
Ah, he’s...
Yes, Albert, my son, yes, yes.
I knew we had the wrong address.
Sorry, what?
No, nothing. I mean, there’s been a
misunderstanding, we thought this was the hotel.
Ah, now everything’s clear.
Anyway, no problem. If you like, you can stay here with us.
Really? Thank you.
Of course, of course.
I told my wife that around here a three-star
place feels more like a six-star, compliments!
Antonio, they’re...
I got it, I got it. Here, take it, five euros.
It’s your lucky day, everything’s going your way.
My husband’s such a joker, Mr. Khunmort!
Yes, he always does the tipping joke. He even tried it once
with the traffic cops while they were giving him a ticket.
Don’t worry, madam.
Let’s go.
These are the Khunmorts?
Those Khunmorts?
The dead ones, yeah!
Wait, you mean I...
I gave the five euros to her father...?
Yes.
And she’s the mother of...?
Yes.
What a damn fool I made of myself!
Yes.
But he still kept the five euros, didn’t he?
[Music]
Still, if this were a hotel room, it’d be a beautiful one, huh?
Anto’, I just don’t get one thing.
With all this luxury, and that boy works as a waiter?
It’s obvious, Conci. Being a waiter is just a cover.
A cover?
Sure! With this new far-right wind blowing through Europe, they’re reorganizing!
They’re all spies.
Albert might even be one of them, huh?!
Are you done talking nonsense?
I actually find the Khunmorts quite nice.
They’re very hospitable.
Ah, you got fooled too! But tell me, how do you think they made all this money?!
The villa, the stuff... all Nazi loot!
They used to steal paintings from museums. That one there, see? That’s a Van Gogh!
Which one? That one?
Are you sure?
It says “Arturo Carnesecchi.”
They forged the signature! It’s a Van Gogh!
Well, our Falanghina wine is something else entirely.
But this one’s not bad either.
Geme... geuzu... giu... gizunchi...
Gewürztraminer.
Ah, Traminen! Not bad, eh?
Oh, Hermann, finally, our soup!
My goodness, look at the waiter!
What a fright!
Aren’t you afraid living here in such an isolated villa?
No, no. The villa’s monitored by twenty cameras.
Twenty cameras? What is this, Big Brother?
And we also have six Dobermans we let loose at night.
Six Dobermans?
Purebred.
Here, this is one of our traditional dishes.
Oh, really?
Looks like the Doberman cooked it!
Let’s hope not.
Would you care to try?
My mother used to make this all the time.
Mr. Khunmort, may I ask you something?
Why don’t we drop the formalities?
Ah yes, yes, of course. Frederick, may I ask you a question?
Please.
How did you manage to get all this... this villa, this staff?
It’s all thanks to my father.
Ah, your father, Albert’s grandfather.
Yes, he’s the one who started the family business, which I’m now carrying forward.
And you’re continuing it.
Exactly, and I hope Albert will do the same one day.
You hear that? And you’re not even ashamed, huh?
I know everything about you, about your business, about
Albert’s grandfather who’s buried in Montevideo, Uruguay.
My father?
Yes, your father, your father!
My father’s doing perfectly fine. He lives 300 meters from here.
He’s enjoying an active retirement, plays tennis, golf, and padel.
Really? Plays all that in one evening?
Here, this must be your father.
That’s not my father, even the name’s wrong.
What do you mean wrong?
That’s a Kunmort without an H.
There are some around here, yes.
And I think I know who you’re talking about.
We “Khunmort” have the H in our heads.
You hear that, Anto’? They’ve got the H in their heads.
While Rosa’s husband’s got horns in his!
Oh, what a relief! That H business lifted a big weight off me.
What?
[Laughter]
What did you think?
[Laughter]
Everything we’ve achieved comes from our hard work.
Then may I ask something?
Why does your son work as a waiter?
That was actually my idea. I wanted Albert to learn the value of sacrifice.
And it was a great idea, that’s how he met your Gina.
That’s exactly why we’re here.
Because my husband Antonio has always been a bit jealous of his daughters.
Isn’t that right, Anto’?
Huh?
Ah yes, yes, that’s right.
By the way, tomorrow we’re having a small lunch.
A little Tyrolean party with a few friends.
Of course, you’ll join us.
Thank you.
You hear that, Anto’?
Yes, yes, I’m delighted.
Hermann?
Bring us some liqueur.
Nice.
Pour me some, Hermann, pour!
Your specialties have always been desserts, right?
Are you sure about that?
[Tyrolean music]
Conci?
Are you sure those clothes in the wardrobe were meant for us?
Yes.
They’re watching us.
Weird.
Here they come!
Welcome!
Hi!
Welcome, please!
Help yourselves too.
Thanks, thank you.
[Tyrolean music]
So, Antonio, what do you do?
Antonio owns a large dairy factory.
And they say his mozzarella is the best in Campania.
Thank you, Frederick, thank you!
Let’s just say I run a well-known business
in the triangle, Afragola, Caserta, Casoria.
And we’re getting ready to expand into the Benevento area.
So you’re a colleague of Frederick’s then.
I don’t know.
Are we colleagues, Frederick?
Well, yes.
So you’re a cheese producer too?
Ah no, no, no, no.
Let’s not get confused, mozzarella is not cheese.
Try this mozzarella, I had it shipped from Naples this morning, go on, try it!
I’ll try it, look at that, huh?
This one.
What have you done?
You put the mozzarella in the fridge!
No, no!
You can’t do that, it’s a mortal sin!
You’ve defaced the Mona Lisa!
Mozzarella is like the sun of Mergellina, like the sea...
Mozzarella is like a Maradona feint, a Sergio
Bruno song, a sunset over the Faraglioni...
Listen, Antonio, sit down.
So, Frederick, what kind of cheeses do you make?
All of them.
All of them?
Please, would you like to try some?
It’s good, Antonio, taste it.
What’s this one?
That’s our Vezzena, our own production.
We export to Vienna, Paris, London, and now even to the States.
You hear that, Anto’?
The States, the same places we export to!
Exactly the same.
The States, that’s good.
Congratulations!
I really like it, I must say, it’s truly...
Oh my God!
Look at Frederick’s face! Do something! He’s choking! Anto’, help him!
Frederick!
Oh God!
[Sound of coughing]
He spat it out! Good job!
Anto’!
I didn’t know...
you knew how to do the Heimlich maneuver!
I don’t know Heimlich, but I know the maneuver!
Thank you, you saved my life.
How can I ever repay you?
Nothing, absolutely nothing.
We’re the ones in your debt, in fact, we must return this wonderful hospitality.
We’ll be waiting for you at our place!
Thank you, Anto’. I was really scared.
Anto’, what did you just say, “at our place”?
We can’t! The guest bathroom is out of order.
Don’t worry, I know how to fix that.
Relax.
You’ll see how well you’ll rest at our place!
You’ll have a first-class week.
With first-class mozzarella, and we’ll seal a first-class friendship.
So when you go back up north...
you can tell all your friends that those bad things people say about Naples...
Are all buffalo!
[Laughter]
[Cheerful music]
It’s the height of summer.
And Gina has finally passed her exams.
And her love with Albert, though only over the phone...
since he’s in London for an internship...
is moving toward uncharted territory.
The Khunmorts turned out to be wonderful people.
And my father, once he realized the surname confusion, finally relaxed.
I think he even smelled a nice dairy business opportunity.
Only thing is, to host the Khunmorts...
Mom insisted on redoing the bathroom and repainting the walls.
We’ll see how that goes.
Vincè! Are you sleeping again?
No, no, just thinking.
How’s the bathroom coming?
Uh... almost done.
Don’t worry, Doc, you’re in the hands of an artist!
But Doc, I told you, don’t ever let me run out of coffee!
You’ve had four since this morning.
And that’s not enough!
If I don’t drink a coffee every half hour, you see, I fall asleep.
Alright, just make sure you finish soon because...
My in-laws are arriving any minute.
Important guests from South Tyrol, I already told you, right?
My future in-laws, their son’s dating my daughter.
But don’t worry, I told you already, I’m on it like a train!
Just don’t finish three days late.
So Doc, you gave me a ten-thousand-euro deposit.
Now the remaining twenty thousand, you’ve got to pay me cash.
Cash?
Yeah, I don’t issue invoices.
I don’t give a dime to the State!
Isn’t that risky though?
No, sir, don’t worry, you’re in the hands of an artist, I told you!
And now that you’re covering all the material costs, you know...
when you pick those gold-plated taps...
Be careful, can I trust you?
You’re in the hands of an artist!
See? We went to the same school.
And now that I’m finishing up, don’t rush me.
And don’t let me run out of coffee!
Alright.
Aren’t you going to the dairy?
How can I? I’ve got to keep an eye on Vincenzo.
He falls asleep every half hour.
Go make some coffee, come on!
Again? I’ve already made four! He’s been here
so long we’ve gone through ten kilos of coffee!
The coffee costs me more than the bathroom!
Don’t worry, Doc — you’re in the hands of an artist. You can sleep peacefully.
Insanity!
[Funny music]
Go make the coffee, come on!
[Funny music]
[Knocking on door]
Anto’!
Eh.
Go open the door, someone’s knocking.
Who is it?
Go open the door, they’re knocking!
It’s Bianca. Yes, yes, Bianca, daddy’s coming to open.
[Knocking on door]
What is it?
It’s an emergency, I need mom.
I’ll come, don’t worry.
No, no! Girl stuff. Come on!
Anto’, don’t worry.
Go lie down.
Alright, I’ll lie down.
[Snoring]
What’s wrong? Mom, what is it? What’s going on?
[Incomprehensible sobbing]
Slowly, slowly.
[Incomprehensible sobbing]
Wait, what did she say?
She says Albert can’t come to dinner with his parents because...
he has to continue his six-month internship in London.
[Incomprehensible sobbing]
Breathe, breathe.
[Incomprehensible sobbing]
Wait, what did she say now?
She says if they’re so far apart, when will they see each other?
She’s got a point.
[Incomprehensible sobbing]
Wait, what’s she saying now?
...that one thing led to another, and she dumped him,
because if you act like that, it means you don’t really care.
Sorry, but how do you even understand her?
She’s my sister, isn’t she?
[Sharp sobbing]
Oh dear! What did she say now?
No idea, even I didn’t get that one.
Eh!
Come on, honey, don’t cry like that. I’m really sorry.
But don’t worry, when one Pope dies, another’s elected!
What a mess, what a mess!
A mess? Oh, come on!
Of course it’s a mess, they’re arriving tomorrow!
What are they even coming for?
[Incomprehensible sobbing]
That one I got.
She doesn’t want to see them, she said. I understood that perfectly.
Yeah, but what do we tell Dad now?
He spent a fortune, you know?
And the worst part is, he’s grown fond of Frederick!
[Shrill sobbing]
Don’t say that, you’ll make her cry more!
You’re right, I didn’t say anything, you’re right, mom!
Let it out, honey!
Let it all out!
Damn it!
[Funny music]
Vince’! Are you sleeping again?
Sleeping? No, Doc! Look there, look!
What did you do? You put a TV in the bathroom?!
It’s the latest in relaxation technology.
A buddy of mine installed one too, solved those problems.
Vincè, hurry up! They’re almost here!
Don’t worry, Doc, I told you, you’re in the hands of an artist!
Didn’t you get it? You’re in the hands of an artist!
All I need to do now is mount the shower tray. Oh, Doc...
To be honest, you’ve made me really mad.
Why’s that?
I trusted you, and you brought a tap that’s a
piece of junk! But hey... If you’re happy...
Look what I found, yeah, but when will you finish?
Don’t worry, everything’ll be done by this afternoon.
Here’s your coffee.
Wait, did I hear right, this afternoon? What do we do with them till then?
Take them around Naples.
Show them the Maradona mural.
Show them the Veiled Christ, walk them up San Gregorio Armeno...
and when you reach Via Duomo, right in front is the Treasure of San Gennaro.
And when you come back, voilà, the Sistine Chapel!
What am I, a tour guide now?
Anto’, move it, it’s late, let’s go!
Doc, could I have a little ginger ale? I’ve still got a chip stuck here.
Figure it out with coffee!
With coffee? That doesn’t go with chips!
Damn it!
[Sigh]
[Airplane sound]
Anto’. I need to tell you something important.
I already know, you don’t like my haircut.
I suspected as much.
No, not the haircut! Anto’...
Excuse me, are you leaving?
No, no, I just got here.
It’s got nothing to do with the haircut, it’s something way more serious.
No, no, hair is serious too. I’ve got to change barbers, I’m telling you.
Anto’, will you let me talk or not? This is something very, very serious.
Excuse me, are you leaving?
No, I just got here.
Will you let me say this or not?!
Anto’.
It’s urgent, I need to tell you. You understand?
I get it, you’re thinking about Vincenzo, you’re afraid he won’t finish in time.
Relax, just relax.
What’s Vincenzo got to do with it...
Anto’, listen to me.
This is something really important,
about our future, or better yet...
Are you leaving?
I bought a house at the airport.
That’s the parking spot. Unbelievable!
There they are! They’ve arrived.
I’ll tell you real quick.
Anto’, they broke up.
Who broke up?
Gina and Albert, they broke up.
Was it Gina or Albert who ended it?
Come on!
[Music]
Here they are!
Here we are!
Antonio!
So, how was the trip?
Good, but you know, when it’s not a direct flight, it’s always tiring.
And we had to wake up very early...
and then they even changed the aircraft on us.
A tragedy, you’re right.
When they change the plane, it’s worse than a change of season, yes.
A tragedy... but now you’ll get some rest, right?
Of course you’ll rest.
I even booked a restaurant.
It’s called “Da Rosa,” very, very nice.
Ah, what a pleasure.
You booked at Rosa’s?
Yes, Anto’.
What a brilliant idea my wife had!
[Laughter]
Let’s help them, come on!
Thank you, thank you.
[Live piano and vocals]
So, do you like it?
As a first impression, not bad at all.
And you haven’t seen anything yet.
Please, please.
What an honor!
I had a nice clam sauté prepared for your special guests.
Thank you.
And finally I have the pleasure of meeting the famous Mrs. Schiattarò.
No, no, Mrs. Schiattaro.
Your husband is truly a fine man.
He’s always had a soft spot for me.
Really, Anto’?
Well, “soft spot”... let’s say.
Compliments on your beautiful restaurant.
Thank you.
And compliments also, your voice is lovely.
Thank you so much.
Imagine, I’m about to record an album, all love songs.
Is that right, Anto’?
Ah yes, yes, yes.
She’s... she’s going to make that album, oh yes.
She will, she’s talented, she’s talented.
This is your mozzarella.
And soon I’ll let you try the zizzona too!
A true pride of Campanian tradition.
Shaped by the hands of Mr. Antonio...
Because, you know...
No one shapes a zizzona like he does...
No one at all.
You’re not doing deliveries anymore!
Yes, yes, we’re sending Ciro now.
Good morning and enjoy your meal!
Doc, buy some socks, they’re nice ones.
All Scottish thread.
We’re eating... later.
All Scottish thread, look, you can choose.
And the company right here even accepts payments in installments!
Go ahead.
Thanks, I don’t need any.
I like you, Doc. Come on, I’ve got a family, six kids to feed...
Help a poor man out. Madam, put in a good word, huh?
Me?
Oh, what lovely socks!
Elvira! Would you mind coming with me to the bathroom for a moment?
Sure.
I’ll be right back, Anto’.
Okay.
What do you think?
You don’t want the socks, Anto’?
Later. I’ve got to go to the bathroom too.
Doc, they’re beautiful!
The company here is always at your service.
Scottish thread!
Be right back!
Doc, it’s just you and me now.
Look here, look.
Ten pairs, twenty euros.
Buy some socks, Doc.
No, thanks.
I’ve got kids...
[Music]
Saved by a miracle!
Here I am.
Even miracles aren’t enough anymore.
Now you won’t get away from me!
Rosa, please, this is the men’s bathroom.
Exactly.
Show me how much of a man you are!
Elvira.
Yes?
I have something to tell you.
Please, I’m so hot.
And I’m burning up.
Yeah, but the warm air is ruining the crease in my pants.
Right. I was trying to tell you something important. Basically
Rosa, please, let me out!
You’ll have to go through me first.
Shh, we’re right next to the ladies’ room.
They can hear us.
[Sound of a toilet flushing]
That’s what they’ll hear.
How romantic!
Who cares about romance, Anto’!
[Strange moans]
Yes, I wanted to tell you that unfortunately the...
[Strange moans]
Take me, drive me crazy.
[Strange moans continue]
The kids broke up. Albert’s not coming.
So you already knew?
I just found out. He texted me during the flight saying
it was a last-minute decision.
I’m so sorry. They were perfect together.
I know, I know. Now I feel embarrassed with you, you’ve been so kind, really.
Oh, please, it’s a pleasure having you as our guests anyway.
Thank you, thank you, Conci.
Now I just have to tell Frederick...
[Moaning sounds]
Conci, can I tell you something?
Of course.
Don’t you think that Rosa woman is after your husband?
You think so?
Eh.
Well, but...
I’m not the jealous type.
You’re not jealous?
Noo! No, no, no...
But if I catch them together, I’ll make them both brand new.
Ah, right, I’m going.
Take me, drive me crazy.
Now I’ll drive you crazy.
I want to go crazy with you. I want to get out!
Close your eyes!
I’m closing them!
Yes! Close your eyes!
Close your eyes!
Yes!
You need to get out.
Anto’.
Everything okay?
Those clams weren’t as fresh as they looked...
[Funny music]
Doctor! These are a bargain, originals!
They call me Peppino “Scottish Thread.”
You can’t find these in Italy, you have to go to England.
I’ll buy them, I’ll buy them, okay?
Ah, we’ve found our buyer!
My wardrobe’s full of drawers anyway. All right.
How much?
€20.
Twenty euros. Make it ten?
No, no, twenty, Doc.
Well, we’re already on sale.
Eh, fine. Here you go!
Bring me the change.
I’ll go change it and bring it back, thanks.
Enjoy your meal!
Enjoy your meaaaal!
I don’t think you’ll ever see that money again.
No, I don’t think so.
...did something happen?
[Sad music]
Well...
I’m sorry for the kids, but at least you’re enjoying a nice vacation in Naples.
And as they say, “one thing leads to another.”
Who knows, maybe you’ll fall in love with mozzarella making.
[Laughter]
Listen, how about we go rest a bit now, eh?
No, no, it’s only three o’clock, why go home now?
There’s still so much to see. It’s early.
“Go home”?
Let’s take a walk.
Yes, yes, great idea. Let’s go for a stroll.
[Cheerful music]
[Funny music]
[Cell phone ringing]
Hello, Doc.
Hello, Vincenzo? How’s it going?
Don’t worry, Doc, you’re in the hands of an artist.
I know I’m in the hands of an artist.
But we’ve been walking for three hours. How far along are you?
No less! And Naples is that big too!
Did you take them to the Royal Palace of Caserta?
Are you crazy? You think I’d go all the way to Caserta?
What happened? Did it close?
[Sound of bottle falling]
Damn it. Now what will I do without coffee?
[Funny music]
Yes, yes, yes. He wants to swim...
But how about we take a trip to Ischia?
To Ischia?
To Ischia, yeah?
Yes, let’s go! Let’s go!
[Joyful music]
Mount Vesuvius!
[Joyful music]
Please, please.
Here we are.
Make yourselves comfortable. Let’s set everything here.
Eh, Conci, sorry, I need the bathroom.
Of course, this way, please.
So? What do you think of the house?
Well, it’s not quite your style, but it took great sacrifice.
Wow!
Still amazed by your own bathroom?
Yeah, it’s always like the first time.
So, here’s the sauna...
Nice.
...and here’s the bathroom.
No, no! This is the shower.
This one. This is the bathroom.
Thanks. Excuse me, I really need to...
Sorry, sorry, go ahead.
Wow, it’s too beautiful though!
If you scratch the walls of this house, mozzarella comes out.
Compliments!
Haven’t you shown them the house yet?
We’re waiting for Elvira.
Ah yes, yes.
[Funny music]
[Snoring]
[Funny music]
What time is it?
[Funny music]
There’s even an elevator, see?
[Funny music]
[Scream]
[Funny music]
Eh, Mr. Schiattaro, we’ll settle the balance later.
Goodbye. Goodbye.
Vincenzo Scapici.
Was he still here?
But what a gentleman, huh?
Conciii!
Yes!
Bah!
Women’s stuff...
Gina, you can’t spend the whole night out here.
I don’t want to see them.
I get it, but you’ll have to talk to them eventually.
And tell them what?
[Music]
Would you like to see him?
You’ve no idea how much...
[Music]
Here we go.
These are Grandma Ada’s famous cannelloni, strictly
made with “Schiattaro” mozzarella and ricotta.
And here come the girls, right on time.
Good evening.
Thank you.
Good evening.
This is Bianca, our first daughter.
Hi!
And this is Gina, your almost daughter-in-law.
Dad...
Antonio...
Tact has never really been your strong suit!
Oh come on, what did I say? It was just a joke!
I’m really sorry for Gina.
Eh, well, not all bad things come to harm.
At least you’re enjoying a lovely vacation in Campania.
Actually, tomorrow Bianca has arranged a wonderful trip, yes.
But only after you’ve seen how the famous “Schiattaro” DOC mozzarella is made.
So you’ll learn something, Frederick.
Antonio, why don’t you eat your cannelloni?
That way you’ll talk a little less, huh?
Yes.
Eh... enjoy your meal!
Enjoy your meal!
[Music]
Anto’, new hire?
He’s on trial. Let’s see how he does.
Can I have half a kilo of bocconcini?
Right away!
Go on, Frederick, go!
Am I doing okay?
That one, that one’s good. You can tell he’s good.
I’ve got an eye for it.
All set?
I’ll go weigh it.
Oh, sorry, I added 100 grams too much. I’ll take some off.
Anto’.
Let me handle it.
Let’s do this.
Let’s make it 700, these are like little cassatine today.
Would be a shame to leave them.
Here we go. That’s 800, should I leave it? Ah, take them all!
Ciro, wrap them up quick.
Frederick.
You’re fired, take off that apron. You’ll make me close the shop.
[Chuckles]
Thank you very much.
The register...
[Music]
Who was that?
Don Ma’, Frederick Khunmort.
I’m against signing foreigners.
Better to value Italian youth teams.
He’s a real talent.
Does he play forward?
No, wine and cheese.
Can we taste them?
No.
Foreigners don’t count.
I prefer Italian youth leagues. Give me a provola, go on.
The “Macellum,” commonly called the “Temple of Serapis.”
According to some scholars, it dates back to the second or third century AD.
It’s called that because it referred to an old market where food goods were sold.
Are you sure she’s our daughter?
Definitely her mother’s.
See? She studies.
She’s not just chatting with Carmela.
No way. She’s brilliant, my daughter’s brilliant.
She takes after me.
Let’s hear it...
Look, it’s beautiful. Bianca, you’re the perfect guide.
Bianca, sweetheart, how do you know all this stuff?
Dad, because I study, I study.
See? So it’s good she stays home. She’s not just chatting with Carmela.
Don’t listen to your dad, you’re amazing, sweetheart.
You can tell she loves history.
Yeah, yeah...
[Music]
I’m dying of heat.
[Music]
Thanks.
[Music]
I have to thank you for this beautiful day.
Oh, come on.
Really, I mean it. I just feel sorry for Gina, she seems odd, quiet.
You noticed too, right?
Yes.
Maybe it’s nostalgia. The first love, you know.
That’s true.
You get it, Frederick?
How does it work?
It’s like we’re all family here in Naples.
Got it?
For example, when you’re young, they say “O’ Fra’”.
Ah, “O’ Fra’”
Brother, “O’ Fra’”.
And when you’re grown up?
“O’ Zi’”.
“O’ Zi’”. Right, the uncle, “O’ Zio.”
And when you’re old, you become “O’ No’”, the grandpa, “O’ No’”.
Ah, O’ Fra’, O’ Zi’, O’ No’.
And you know why? Because Naples is one big family.
Yes.
[Laughter]
Come here, sweetheart, come here.
There we go.
Gina?
No, no. Not Gina, Gina no.
Frederick?
Ah, some wine.
Our own wine, homemade!
[Music]
So, how’s the pizza?
Antonio, this pizza is wonderful.
Wunderbar!
I like “Bundebà.”
[Laughter]
[Music]
Who’s that?
Albert.
Forgive me, Gina, I’ve been a fool.
No, you’ve been an asshole.
With you by my side, I have no more doubts.
And the distance?
The impossibility of seeing each other... me, you and...
...doesn’t that scare you anymore?
You can walk in two different parts of the world, holding hands.
[Music]
Was it you?
[Music]
So if I got this right...
Gina had broken up with Albert.
Yes.
But they were both sad.
Yes.
So then Bianca tracked down Albert and brought him here.
Yes.
So that means you’re not going to London to be a waiter anymore?
No.
Exactly.
So what, everyone stays home and meets up during holidays, right?
Eh, no.
That part I don’t really get.
Antonio, they’re young. They’ll see each other often.
Maybe sometimes Gina will stay with us.
And Albert with you...
Ah, we’ll organize the transfers ourselves.
Frederick, it doesn’t work that way. You can’t do that.
Why not? What’s the problem with Gina?
Frederick, Elvira is trying to say that it can’t be done
...because of Gina’s condition.
The financial situation? Well, she can work a
bit more at the dairy and pay it off herself.
No, Dad.
Another kind of condition.
Help me understand, sweetheart, because I’m
getting senile... you know, age and all that...
What do you mean? Don’t tell me Gina is...
Yeah, Dad. I’m expecting a baby.
I didn’t get that.
I’m expecting a baby.
Didn’t catch that.
Dad, I’m having a baby.
Yeah... I figured.
[Music]
After thinking it over for a long time, Dad
finally calmed down... but only for a little while...
Because things took a few more turns — and some very complicated decisions.
[Music]
You’ve gotten good with that computer, huh?!
Just from watching Bianca all the time.
I bet they’ll get married up north.
I say down south.
Look how beautiful and romantic that little church is!
In South Tyrol, they’re all like that.
They’ll marry up north.
No, down south for sure.
And that tiny church?! Where are they going to fit all those guests?
And a German priest, come on!
“I now pronuncen you husbanden and wife-en!”
Oh, please!
Ada, you’re so southern!
Oh right, I forgot I’m talking to “the Swedish”!
North or south, whatever—anyway I just want to know one
thing. Do you think they’ll actually get married now?
How should I know? Maybe.
Ada.
Can I ask you something?
Yeah.
How the hell do you shut this computer off?
[Music]
Aunt Luisa and Grandma Ada’s intuition was right.
In fact, just a few days later...
Anyway, what am I telling you for? You already figured it out...
[Music]
Come on, are we getting a move on or what?!
They’re always on time... they’re Germans.
Dad.
I need to tell you something important.
Now’s not the time. Your sister’s coming down.
No, Anto’. Now, right now, Anto’.
Don’t make a scene in church.
[Laughter]
And what’s he doing here?
Hello, Mr. Schiattaro. Nice to meet you, I’m Camel.
Dad.
He’s my boyfriend.
Anto’, you’re turning pale!
You’re turning white, huh?
No, I don’t know if it’s me losing weight or my clothes getting bigger.
Anto’, now’s not the time. Pull yourself together.
We’ve got things to do, got it?
What? When?
When did this happen? What are you talking about?
Remember how she was chatting with “Carmela”?
This is “Carmela.”
It’s not “Carmel,” it’s “Camel.”
Dad, he’s a good guy.
He’s studying archeology with me in Campania because
our land is full of artifacts and important sites...
...he’s a good guy, trust me.
Wasn’t he a digger?
So what? Just because someone digs doesn’t mean he can’t have ambition!
Alright, we’ll see where we have to dig next, huh?
Oh, sweetheart... Gina, you look beautiful, my girl!
Here comes Gina!
My goodness!
Give Grandma a kiss!
What a beautiful bride, she looks like an angel! Look how gorgeous she is.
The wedding was just as Gina had always imagined it.
A simple ceremony, with the whole family close by.
And the man of her dreams... absolutely perfect.
[Music]
The union with Albert had changed our routine a little.
And some of our habits, too.
...though not all of them, not quite.
[Music]
Cheers, my love!
Mr. Antonio, congratulations!
Thank you.
...what a wonderful couple they make.
Thank you, Carlo, thank you.
What a handsome young man.
Mr. Schiattaro!
I couldn’t miss your daughter’s wedding!
In fact, I heard another one of your daughters is getting married too!
Now hold on, let’s not rush things, huh!
That’s a great idea though... why didn’t I think
of that? We could’ve had two weddings in one!
Of course! She’s clever—two for one, to save money!
What, do they have wedding discounts now too?
No, no.
Watch your words.
It’s just a thought... he’s a bit on edge.
Goodness, this man is so worked up...
Anyway, forget it. Cheers, my love!
Anto’.
But Bianca really wants to marry the digger?
How dare you? He’s a golden boy... Camel.
Camel will become a world-renowned archaeologist.
Camel...
The digger...
Antonio.
Dear Frederick...
In the end, North and South made a fine marriage.
You see? When North and South want to, they can get along.
Doctor!
Doc’.
Who’s this guy?
Doctor!
For heaven’s sake! Where have you all been?!
I’ve been looking for you for days!
Ah, good thing I stopped by Rosa’s restaurant—she told me about the wedding!
Here are the 30 euros—the rest you didn’t take last time.
Ah yes, yes, yes.
You remember me?
Of course! Thank you very much.
See that?
Doc’, there’s just one little problem.
What’s that?
You actually owe me 50 euros.
I owe you?
Yes.
Excuse me, but you’re the one who owes the gentleman 30 euros.
What are you saying? I came all the way here, wasted
my morning, and I’m supposed to pay him 30 euros?!
Doctor, let’s do this... take another ten pairs of socks, and we’re square.
Look, I’m out of drawers! Here, take 50 euros.
Goodbye.
Thanks.
Congratulations!
Congrats... and may you have sons!
To me? Thanks.
Well done! I heard there’s going to be another ceremony soon
And so, my dear Ciro, in our dairy...
A love was born, and we didn’t even notice.
Marriage needs to be thought out, reflected on, right?
...it’s teamwork.
Yeah, yeah, true. I know marriages that end before the reception’s even over.
[Laughter]
But there’s one thing I want to tell both of you.
You know that little corner in the dairy...
Yeah, with that stool there... leave it for me for a while, because you never know...
...with women, you just never know!
Don Mario, no one’s taking that spot from you, don’t worry.
Alright then, let’s give a round of applause to the future newlyweds!
[Applause]
Hooray!
[Music]
And so, that’s what I had to tell you.
Or at least, a part of it.
Frederick!
Try this little piece of cheese and tell me what you think, eh?
Well?
Wunderbar! Wonderful...
What is it?
Ah, it’s a mix of your cheese and our mozzarella.
I experimented with it yesterday afternoon at the dairy.
You know what I think?
A marriage between our companies must happen.
Good. But you’ll be the father of the bride, alright?
We’ll bring the experience of the South...
...and you’ll bring the financial resources of the North.
And what’s that got to do with it?
It’s got everything to do with it!
[Laughter]
[Music]
What can I say? Schiattaro House has never been quiet.
...and now even less.
[Music]
That’s the last bite!
Come on, Grandpa! Aaaahhhmmm!
Grandpa, should I leave it?
You’re too cute!