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Hey, guys.
This feels a bit like an official moment, doesn't it?
- The start of our holiday. - Wonderful.
- I'm so sick of packages. - And roti rolls.
None of that for the next six weeks.
Wuuut! No roti for six weeks?
No, I just mean we don't have to think about work.
- Hello. - Hi there.
What a surprise.
Guys, let's see. This window comes out first.
All the radiators can be disconnected.
Check the bathroom, I think that needed to be done too.
Sorry, but what is going on?
What are you still doing here?
You should be out. Didn't you get the letter?
Letter? What letter?
About the renovation. All the flats will be tackled.
So everyone has to move out for six weeks.
- You mean this letter? - That's the one.
Erik.
You threw out a letter from the housing corporation?
Dunno. I thought it was an advertising brochure.
Yes, we have to go. Temporary housing in the German Quarter.
- What? German Quarter? - Screw the German Quarter, G.
Sweethearts, it might be fun. You don't know.
It might be great. And look what they'll do here.
It'll be like this.
It's going to be a real palace.
New heat pump, underfloor heating, new bathroom, the works.
And energy-saving, you know. Really special.
You hear that? Special. It'll be a palace.
But you do have to get out tomorrow.
Guys, are we done?
- Bye. - Yes, bye bye.
- The German Quarter? - That is so not chill, Dad.
No man, really, no.
Don't be so negative. It might not be bad.
It could be… you know… yeah.
Really great. What do we know?
And we can still go on vacation.
I saved a bit of money every week, so we can all go away together
for ten days.
Only ten?
We'd still be in the German Quarter for five weeks.
Maybe we could stay with someone the rest of the time.
We happen to know someone with a pool.
Oh, no. No.
Oh yes. We'll just ask.
- Sure. - Then we can go to Gran.
You think he'd be okay with it?
No. No, that's just not going to work.
Come on, Dad. We're desperate, you understand?
No.
I don't understand that at all.
Why can't you go on vacation for a few weeks?
The money I make now is barely enough for a week in the sun.
Volkan and Mozes spend six weeks in Antalya.
Yes Dad, Volkan and Mozes stay with family in Turkey, in Morocco.
I could do that too for six or eight weeks.
You are our only family.
Right. But it's not going to work.
- Hey… Grandpa? - Yes?
- Where is Gran, anyway? - She dumped me.
- Oh? - But I'm on that Tinder thing now.
Forty-plus. Divorced without blame.
Loaded with six zeros. Bungalow with indoor pool.
Wants children.
And that got me messages from 47 ladies.
I want to give them all a chance.
So I can't have a house full of visitors.
- Forty-plus? - Yep.
- Richard, you're 70. - So? That's forty-plus, right?
Did you say 'wants children'?
Yes, have a nice second brood.
I mean, the first one didn't really measure up, did it?
Come on, Richard.
I'm telling the truth for once, but there's no pleasing you. Anyway.
What's your budget?
Like I said: just enough for one week in the sun.
No, it depends a lot on where you book that trip.
Does it?
Grandpa, you know this is the German Quarter, right?
Isn't this dangerous?
Quit your moaning, you old woman.
Just a nice place. That's a beautiful bazaar.
Anything you could wish for.
Slippers, water pipes, flying carpets. You want a gold Rolex?
You can get it here. Anything you want.
And there's also an excellent, dirt-cheap travel agency in there.
- In there? A travel agency? - Do you know why it's so cheap?
- Well? - Because his rent is almost nothing.
Alright? So you can book not one, not three, but six weeks in the sun.
That sounds pretty good.
- Yeah. - Cool.
Yes.
Hello. Hi.
- Hi. - Hi.
- Looking for something in particular? - No, but I… Yes, I…
Ooh, I like that lamp. Jess, come see, for your room.
- Good morning. Welcome. - Hi, good morning.
Thank you. I love your lamps.
This is a nice one.
- So where's that travel agent's? - Come along.
Wait. I spotted something beautiful.
Straight on, that way, you can't miss it.
Like I don't want to miss this gem.
Wow.
What?
Four weeks in Turkey for…
That's incredible.
Pretty appealing, isn't it?
I can't believe my eyes, man. How is that even possible?
You betcha it's possible.
See, this bazaar… I'm the market master here. The boss, like.
I don't pay rent. I have two more stalls down there.
So I'm like: Why not offer bargain trips and make people happy?
That's me. If you do well, you share it.
- Right? - Terrific.
Hang on. Customer at the other stall.
Have a look around, okay?
Then we'll see how little you pay for your dream holiday.
- Well, it's for the whole family. - Even better. Group discount.
Let me go help that old lady so I can offer you an extra discount.
They'll buy anything.
What can I do you for, madam?
A phone charger please.
One charger for the lady. Here we are.
This one doesn't come with that but you should take it anyway.
- It's important. - Is that a charger?
Yes. And I'll also do you
three of these. And this one.
Whoa, whoa.
These mats, I'm sure you can use them. There we go. Bam.
Those too, very good to have.
This is a lovely lamp, I'd take that too if I were you.
You do have to pay for that.
And another thing, vitally important:
You should take out an insurance.
For 33 euros a month you can insure all these wonderful items.
Fine. I have a pension.
Well, great.
Just a sec. What is happening here?
- Did you want to buy all this? - I wanted a charger.
This gentleman gave me excellent advice.
I'm all set for the next ten years.
Let me get this straight. All this stuff here.
You're foisting this all on her, right?
- Whoa, whoa. - Am I right?
Come here a sec.
Why do you think those trips are so cheap?
Use your head. Play along, yeah?
And I'll give you a massive discount.
I'll just pack this all up for the lady.
- No. - Everything in the basket.
Wait. I have principles. You're being cheated outright.
Please be sensible…
And take out this great insurance to safeguard all these lovely items.
- You're just… - Keep your hands off those things.
- You're a crook. - Am not.
- Are too. - Hands off.
- What? - Is that Daddy?
You're a dirty swindler.
I'm selling nice things to the lady.
No. Guess what: I'm doing a citizen's arrest.
- Mind your own business. - Right here, right now.
I'll just go see what…
- Is that right? Let go. - No.
- Let go. - Put that back.
- It's nothing to do with you. - Yes, it is.
- You know what's really strange? - What?
You're attacking me here in my own stall. That's not right.
Help. Police.
Erik… Erik, are you okay?
I can't take you anywhere.
But that guy…
You are in big trouble, dude.
I'm calling the police. You're gonna pay me back for every little thing.
No, but…
But I… I…
What?
Are you kidding me, Dad?
- Hustle until you pay all this off? - Daan, son… It's all so expensive.
- It's all broken. - This will take months, man.
Daan, leave your dad alone, sweetie.
It's bad enough, us having to move to the German Quarter.
Come on.
- Daan, sweetie, come. - Yeah.
Laura?
Honey, I…
Lau.
Put that on top.
Wow, if you ask me, they'll…
- You just keep quiet, honey. - Oh. Sorry.
Zero weeks of vacation, Dad.
And the German Quarter too.
You're close to your friends now.
They're all away, Dad. Literally all of them.
That's your mess, that is.
- I had that yesterday. - Hey, Paul.
Hi.
- Hey, Paul. - Hi, Erik.
Hey.
- Would you like a sandwich? - I sure would. Great.
- Here you go. - What's on it?
Mature cheese.
Have a nice vacation, Paul. Or whatever you call this.
- Love you. - Great.
Want a bite? Bite?
closed for the holidays
It's probably pretty crowded, that German Quarter.
Easy to make new friends.
Remember what I said about keeping quiet? Go back to doing that.
Hey gringo, come here.
Come here. We're playing blue-ass. We need one more guy.
Come on, dawg, get over here. I know you can do it.
Daan, they want to play. Go on, make new friends.
Next time, bros. Got to check out my new crib.
- What? - TF? His new crib? Here?
You know?
Er, what? But they…
Hey, guys.
Coffeehouse?
Yes, coffee.
Nice. Coffee.
- Good? - Sure.
Erik!
Crazy gringo.
- Bro. - Yeah?
- Are you thinking what I'm thinking? - For sure, man.
- That's crazy, man. Here in our hood. - Yeah, trash everywhere.
- Trash here, trash there. - I'm not talking about this trash.
I'm talking about those gringo's.
I thought you meant the collection schedule. They didn't come today.
That's bad, but those gringo's are worse. Taking over the hood.
- Hi. - Hello, gentlemen.
- Hello, welcome. Hi. - Come on, kids.
- Hey, that looks good. - Turn left.
Hello, ma'am.
- Hello, gentlemen. - Nice flowers. Good job.
See, they'll take over the entire hood, dawg.
With their scented candle shops and yoga retreats and spiceless food.
- I'm hating it, man. - You're right, bro.
Oh.
Well, that looks almost exactly like home.
I'm so terribly sorry.
- I failed. - No, listen.
This summer is nothing like we imagined.
But if we don't try to make something of it, it will feel absolutely endless.
So from now on I'm purely positive.
There we go.
- Do you mean that? - Yes.
I'm going to enjoy it like this here is my vacation.
Okay, I'm in.
Wonderful. Holiday in the German Quarter. Let's go.
- Really? - Sure, Dad.
The sun shines here on the balcony too.
Lovely. We've been through tougher times.
Quit being so positive.
Have you gone nuts or what?
Dad, you screwed up our vacation and I will not pretend to have fun.
To have fun here
you need a bulldozer to wreck the whole block.
I'm going on vacation.
I'll earn the money myself, I'll be hustling, I'll make bread.
Bread?
Yes, bread, that's right.
I'll pay for my own vacation. Bloody heck.
And this is my room!
That was the toilet.
So anyway, this is my room.
Well, it's only Daan.
By tomorrow he won't remember this is a different area.
I'll work really hard and pay off my debts.
And then, I promise you, we'll go on a vacation after all.
Lovely.
This won't last long.
Right.
Lau?
Are you sleeping? Lau?
Shit.
There.
Dad, thanks for the ride.
Sure, no problem. I had to go to the town hall anyway.
- Your third mother wants a divorce. - She's not my third mother.
No, the fourth, yeah.
She'll be gone when I sign the papers.
No, you listen to your old man.
Chin up. Work hard. Don't let them screw you.
- That Dolf really screwed me. - No complaining.
Just get stuck in and do the work.
You look a little like a pregnant capybara.
What did I just tell you?
- Chin? - Up.
- Yes. And don't let them? - Screw me.
Good. Now run along, son. Chop chop.
Wow. Good morning to you too. - Hi.
I suddenly fancy a nice big bara.
And a bottle of pop.
Is that your roti stall in there?
Yes.
Open every day.
- Good morning everybody. - Good morning.
- Hi. - Excuse me, we're closed.
We open at ten, you can come in via the main entrance.
No, er, I…
I'm here to work.
I have to pay off my debts.
Did you fight with Dolf?
Well, fight, it was…
- Hey. - Hi.
We had a little run-in and I'm here to work off the debt.
Well, hats off to you.
That is really something.
Erik van Kampen.
Janero.
Nice to meet you.
- Shall I… - Dolf?
Excuse me.
- Erik van Kampen! - Yes.
You're on time, very good. I wasn't expecting that.
- I'm always very punctu… - Here.
Put that on and come with me. Hurry.
Put this on first or come with you first?
Giving me trouble already?
So, Erik, that Bazaar uniform fits like a glove.
Most people look like idiots wearing that.
But it's really flattering on you. Were you…
Oh, shit.
Were you ill when you were young? Body deformity, is that it?
No.
No, of course not.
No, I don't think so.
I even think it's, like, illegal to say that to me.
Stop talking. Just listen.
I'll be your boss for the next five weeks, right?
I'll keep a close eye on you while you pay me back every cent…
…of the items you destroyed. And it's a lot, Erik. Here.
Have a look.
No. What…
That's…
That much?
Yes. Pretty tragic.
What? But…
55 laptops?
Wide screen TVs? I never broke any of that.
Well, now. This list was carefully compiled by the police.
But I just fell against something else by accident.
I didn't break those things.
Are you saying the police are stupid idiots?
- That they're getting it all wrong? - No.
Shall I call them to say you said that?
I didn't say that.
- Then who did? - You just said that.
The police will be very interested in this.
A repeat offender making bold comments about the system.
No, but I… Forget it, it's fine. Never mind.
I'll pay off my debt and you'll be rid of me.
That's what I thought.
I'm psyched about this.
Why don't you start with some sweeping, eh? Here.
7000 square metres. So roll up those sleeves.
Nice, right? Good luck, Erik.
- Chin up. - Hey, Dad.
Hey, Daan. What are you doing here?
Whaddayamean? Working, Dad. In prostitution.
What?
Distribution. Something wrong with your eyes, or what?
But it's the school holidays.
Erik, Erik, Erik, Erik, Erik, Erik, Erik, Erik.
I'll make such a sick amount of money here
that I can leave that shitty German area.
- How did you get this job? - I applied for it. Hard graft.
Don't worry, I'll organise my own vacation.
Bang! Mic is dropped.
Oops.
Mic is still dropped.
Yo.
Here we are.
Oh, yummy. With froth and everything.
We'll just pretend to be on vacation.
Yes, great.
In a French café.
Exactly.
Then this is the croissant.
Ooh la la.
- I have to say, I really like it here. - Do you?
Yes.
Oh, I discovered they have a community centre with summer activities.
Ooh.
Free for anyone living in the German Quarter.
Okay.
- What do you think? - You had me at 'free'.
Hey, Jan?
Jan, he's our man.
Yeah, well, my real name is Janero. But all my pals call me Jan.
Okay, Jan. A Dutch name because you are a…
A Dutchman, yes.
My parents, they were from Suriname.
Right. Yes.
Wow.
- What are you reading, may I ask? - Oh.
Well, my favourite writers are Harry Mulisch, Gerard Reve.
But I'm going through a guilty pleasure phase
of crime novels, espionage and thrillers.
- That kind of thing. - Right.
Trust me, nothing is more neuronally pleasing than a fat, exciting novel.
- Neuronally? - Yeah.
- Hey. - Hi.
Do you know what I thought when you walked away just now?
What did you think?
If I don't go see her now, I'll regret it forever.
You thought that, huh?
Yes, and other stuff besides, but I can't really… say that out loud here.
Hm.
- You and I were made for each other. - You and I?
Yes.
Okay.
Because I find you wildly attractive.
Oh.
You know what I find wildly attractive in a man?
Er… Well, I can guess.
- So? - If he takes you out to dinner.
Oh.
And buys you expensive presents.
Well no, not really.
No?
I like originality.
- Originality? - Yes indeedy.
Originality, oh honey, that makes me so incredibly hot.
That gets me really excited.
Restaurants and expensive presents have nothing on that.
Hey, I can be original.
- I can't wait, tiger. - Yup.
Here it is.
- Looks alright. - Yeah.
Ma, gotta go.
- Hey, hello. Hi. - Hello.
Look.
- Great, Indonesian cooking. - You'd really like that.
Martial arts. Self-defence. Zumba. Zumba with Amber.
- Shuffleboard. - Shuffleboard!
Mum, salsa classes. I always wanted to do that.
We could go together, it's for young and old.
- Yes, maybe. - Isn't that great?
Yes.
Tarot readings? Cool.
- Yoga? I'd love that. - Yes.
We'd like to ask about the courses. Are there any workshops still available?
And salsa, is that advanced, or also for beginners?
Let me check for you.
So, that's… er… Well.
Two bits of good news. It's not full yet, and it's for beginners.
- Well, terrific. - Perfect.
May I offer you each a ticket strip?
So you won't miss anything this vacation.
- 21 free classes? - Yes.
- We'll do it. - Yeah?
It starts this very afternoon. I'll make the call.
Cool.
- Yo. - Hi. Hey, this is great, man.
- Innit. - Can't believe they still exist.
- Great. Vinyl. - Yes.
- Cool. - He's screwing you over, you know.
That Dolf, I mean.
He's an asshole, man.
And you?
Your situation is pretty fucked up.
Yes, I kind of worked that out.
But hey. Respect.
Anyone fighting with that guy is a friend of mine.
Pleased to meet you. Jay.
I'm Erik van Kampen.
Hello, Erik van Kampen.
Hey, I love this. Really good.
- You have a cool stall. - Thanks.
- Great stuff. - Thank you.
Do you happen to have a Sensiz Olmaz CD?
- Sensiz Olmaz? - Yeah.
- Is that your thing? - Sure is.
Okay, intense, intense.
- I'm an emotional guy. - Okay, let me see.
Here we are.
A golden oldie.
- That's the one. - Innit?
- How much? - Ten.
Don't overthink it, I always say.
Here you go.
No, wait. It's not ten.
You have to haggle.
I say ten, you say three. I say seven and we end on five.
This is the Bazaar. The black market.
There. Haggled like a pro.
Careful, old man.
I have an order for Mohammed Muller.
Yo, gringo. Wanna be Max Verstappen or what?
Watcha, boys. Why are you hanging out here?
I'm Mohammed Muller. You have a package?
Good to see you. Got a consignment here.
- This for me? - Yeah.
So what are you doing here?
What kind of question is that?
I'm driving up in one sick vehicle. You think I nicked it?
I work here. Manifest. Hustle. You know the drill.
What about you guys? Not playing blue-ass in the square then?
No, man. This computer store is my uncle's.
That one is my cousin's.
Yeah, and my dad owns that one, but he's not here right now.
Neat, neat.
Good brands. Really fresh.
And a computer specialist in da house, handy handy.
In one word: so Gucci.
This gringo knows it, man.
White boy knows everything.
- Will you be here tomorrow? - Bro, we're here all summer.
Fuckin' awesome. Wahed fuckin' awesome.
Yalla, take it easy, white boy. Put the siren on.
- White boy is one crazy soldier. - He's a warrior.
- Two pairs of slippers, 15 euros. - Two pairs of slippers, 14 euros.
A much better offer, only 13 euros.
- Two slippers, 12 euros. - 11 euros.
- 10. - 9.
- 8. - 7.
- 6 euros. - 5 euros and free socks.
Okay, two slippers, free socks, 4 euros.
Slippers, free socks and a cap, 3 euros.
Okay, okay, okay.
Slippers, socks, cap, apple, scratch card. 2 euros.
- Scratch card? - Yeah, whatever.
- Why scratch card? - Good deal, innit.
Really good deal. I'll have this deal, twice.
So four pairs of slippers, two pairs of socks, two bags of apples
two caps, and again, two scratch cards. Bring it on.
- Did you take notes? - Gimme that deal.
- No, go away. - You go away.
- Get out of here. - You.
- You. I've been here longer than you. - Longer than me?
When I got here, Moroccans were still tourists.
When I got here, the Germans had just left.
Hey, bro. That's the white guy, man.
- Hey. - That's him.
Man, you're a warrior, man.
- A true warrior. - What you did to Dolf…
Fantastic what you did, dude.
- Sami, let him go, I'll give him tea. - I'll give him tea and baklava.
I'll give him tea, baklava, slippers, socks, cap, apples and a scratch card.
- One tea for me. - Okay.
- Nice. Respect, man. - This way, come on.
Will there be anyone else, you think?
I should think everyone wants to learn the Indonesian cuisine, no?
Hey, great, you're here already.
- Are we early? - No, not at all. Right on time.
Everything is ready. Yes.
You can go into the room and your instructor will be right there.
Okay. Thank you.
No. No. Yes.
- Let's see how this goes. - Yes, let's.
Apparently it's just us, so…
Selamat pagi. Hello, welcome.
That's right. Isn't this cosy?
Welcome.
Selamat!
Selamat.
My name is Abdurrahman Bakali.
I'll take you on a culinary trip around Indonesia. Right?
We'll make some lovely authentic dishes today.
And with whom do I have the pleasure? Ma'am?
It's Laura. But I saw you just now at the door.
Mandor? No, I'm not from Mandor.
I'm from Bengkulu. South of Sumatra. Yes, that's where I'm from.
Yeah? I could have sworn I saw you at the…
No, no. Not at all. You are mistaken.
You brought your younger sister?
This is my daughter, Jessica.
Goodness me, your daughter. Pretty girl.
Welcome to you too. I am Abdurrahman, from Indonesia.
Today we will make a dish handed down from father to son.
An authentic dish, not just any old recipe.
A vegetarian gado-gado.
Bismillah.
Without spilling.
Here you go.
We'll add a little wok oil.
Just a splash. Like this. Tiny splash.
Tiny.
Okay, open the bottle first.
I cranked up my pool temperature to 25.
How about I put this on ice?
I'll admit that's pretty original.
But I didn't bring my bikini.
Not a problem.
Nah.
- Is this what we said? - Er, no.
I just thought today we could change it up.
You have a list. Right?
Yes, but… come on.
The people enjoy it. They like this music.
Is this a dance club?
Huh? Yes or no? Is it a dance club?
- No, Mr Dolf. - No.
This is a bazaar and at a bazaar you play bazaar music.
Lovely.
Erik van Kampen to the office. Erik van Kampen, office, now!
So, Erik.
I can see you like it here.
Yes, I basically… get on well with all the others.
So that's, like, pretty…
I think that's nice.
Nice?
Yes, to me that's… Very pleasant.
Certainly good. Really good.
You'll enjoy it even more as you'll be here a bit longer.
Er, as I'll…? - Oh, yeah.
Small clerical error. I wasn't entirely alert.
I forgot to take your Bazaar uniform into account.
Those are expenses, obviously.
- For this… uniform? - Yep.
Or did you think I have thousands of those lying around for free?
I adjusted the sum of your debt.
- You can't just… that's not… - The police have already okayed it.
But, you know
if you have a problem with it, I'd be happy to give them a call
to say you're making trouble again.
- No, you don't have to. - Oh?
It's more about, er…
how you suddenly…
Well.
This resembles a lot of things, but Indonesian food ain't one of them.
We had such a good time, Grandpa. It's a vegetarian meal, even.
Oh yeah, check it out.
It's vegetarian alright.
A nice vegetarian corn-fed chicken.
That Mo at the community centre was funny, but we had a great time.
Admit it, it's pretty good, for a non- vegetarian Moroccan-Indonesian meal.
Un-be-liev-able.
Seriously. I cannot believe this. It's mind-blowing.
What's he doing here?
Welcome.
Honey, we have a lot of Indonesian food left over, so.
But sweetie, are you okay?
No. No, I'm not okay. Not at all.
This uniform that this Dolf Dekker makes me wear
is obligatory, but he's charging me for it. I have to pay.
He forces me to wear it and I have to pay.
That's another two days' work. I'll never go on vacation this way.
That can't be right. Can't you make a complaint?
Where? To whom? The complaints desk?
Guess who mans the complaints desk? Dolf Dekker himself.
He'll see me coming a mile off with my complaint. 'I want to complain.'
He'll eat me alive.
It's an old trick, boy.
They give you free shoes
but once they're worn, you get the bill.
So the harder you work, the more you pay.
Richard, you're not helping.
Sweetie, it'll be alright.
No, it won't.
No, this will not be alright. This is just…
That Dolf Dekker determines everything.
I could still be at that bazaar in 40 years
sweeping the floors with my broom.
Something must be done. We must do something.
"We?"
Me, then. I must do something.
Bloody heck, what's this?
Sweetie, calm down.
Honey. Don't make a fuss.
No. Bloody heck. Do me a favour. Hello?
- Calm down. - I can at least say something.
Bloody heck.
Bro, these sunflower seeds are wicked, man. Wait, wait.
Check it.
- Really awesome. - Guys.
Please, think about your neighbours.
- I keep telling you that. - You're doing it too.
No, I spit all my seeds into the bushes.
- Look what you're doing. - That's just one seed.
Exactly one too many.
I don't mean the seeds, I mean the music.
- What? You thought that's our music? - There's no sound here.
You seriously thought that was us?
- Wow. - Double wow.
I thought…
- You're thoughting too much. - We know what you think.
Here.
- No, Erik. - Bad idea, that.
- Dolf? You live here? - What do you want?
What do I want? That music is way too loud. This is a residential area.
- Are you serious? - Deadly serious.
I worked hard all day, I want a quiet evening at home.
Well, I want music.
Hang on a minute. That's not how it works.
The rules are different here. This is not your bazaar.
The neighbourhood rules apply here. That's what we have here, rules.
Beat it, dude.
Piss off now.
Out!
- Turn it down. - Out.
Idiot. Clear off.
Bro, respect, man.
- What you just did… - I swear, no one has the guts.
Gimme five, pal. For real.
I don't get why no one has the guts.
Because they know what happens if you go there.
Yeah bro, 100 percent trouble.
He has no power over me.
This is outside working hours.
What?
- 700 euros? - Well.
I'm not paying 700 euros to rent a cleaning trolley?
Yes you are. Unless you have your own cleaning trolley?
Of course I don't.
Then you rent one, or you can't pay off your debt, friend.
- I'm not your friend. - No.
You're my slave. I also added two days.
Enjoy your vacation.
- Hey, wait. - No, no, no.
Erik, bro. I told you.
He is heartless, but he'll find out.
Don't get me started on Dolf. Horrible man.
I commented on the rent once.
Next day it went up 300, man.
I woke up with a horse's head in my bed. He's nuts.
And his musical taste is awful.
I can never play Aptijt or a Surinamese album.
If I do, brabam! No music in my stall for a week.
Brabam?
But surely we can do something?
Yeah.
Drown our sorrows. In coffee.
Get out of here. I need something stronger than coffee.
Coffee…
Coffee?
I am Mehmet Claus. Welcome to my coffeehouse.
Erik van Kampen.
- Hey Erik, want some coffee? - I'd love some.
We would too. Two coffees please.
Dad?
What are you doing here?
It's a coffeehouse. I'm having coffee.
Furkan has parked his fat ass on a Turkish beach.
I need my daily java, don't I? And happily…
Claus is open all summer.
- It's Mehmet. - Yes, whatever, Claus.
Thanks.
This is Sami and Said.
- Hey, Richard. - Sami.
- Hey, Said. - Richard. The dad.
Well, guys.
Here's to our misfortune.
Misfortune?
Are you seriously drinking to your misfortune? Are you crazy?
Dad, we can't help it.
I'm not the only one getting screwed over.
- Everyone there is stuck. - Stuck?
Am I talking to the 1982 Olympics ladies' korfball team?
Hey, now. Korfball is a mixed sport, you know.
Now he knows the rules of korfball. Knock it off.
Am I the only one with balls around here?
You can't let that Dolf rule your life.
Oh, but he's clever.
Yes, very clever. He works in a concrete warehouse with no heating.
- No offense. - I don't mind.
I mind.
Look, boys.
A guy like Dolf always has a secret.
That's what you have to figure out.
A laptop with info, or a basement with all kinds of stuff.
Once you know his secret, he's toast.
- He'll be toast. - Yes. Resistance.
- Resistance. - Resistance. We're on it.
- We're on it. - He's right. Resistance.
- Resistance. - Resistance.
- Jesus.
He's mad. He wanted that dress for two euros.
I'm like, bro, two euros?
Here. For you.
- What is this? - Read it.
- Are you for real? Is this for real? - Oh yeah, man.
We're with you.
If we're messing up Dolf, I'm in.
This is Hunger Games energy, man.
Resistance.
- Ka-kaa. - What are you doing?
- Battle cry. Makes sense, right? - No.
Resistance is something you do quietly, dude.
Suddenly he's a resistance specialist, I swear.
Don't go yelling your head off.
- Ka-kaa, ka-kaa. - Hey, shut it.
- Ka-kaa. - Bro, stop that.
- Ka-kaa. - I'm telling you.
Ka-kaa, ka-kaa, ka…
Great to see you.
I was just talking to the aikido instructor.
- He's waiting for you in the gym. - Aikido.
- Great. Self-defence. - Yeah.
- He's in there, you say? - At the far end.
- I hope he's a really nice instructor. - I hope so too.
Have fun.
Onegai shimasu .
I will be your aikido instructor today. Ali Seagal.
Ai… si… na Sea… gal.
Ali Seagal. Steven Seagal's brother.
Also an aikido grand master.
Trained in the dojos of Nagasaki and Tokyo.
Hoti, sai.
Hai.
Hiya.
Hai.
Yes, hi. I'm Laura.
Hai, Laura. Hi, Laura.
Hi, I'm Jessica.
Hai, Jessica.
Okay. Always assume the fighting stance.
Hai.
You never know where danger comes from!
Right.
Hai, hai.
Ha ta ta ta ta.
Hai, closer, hai.
Make fist.
And hit me.
- Ouch! - Oh.
On the count of three you hit me.
One, two, three.
- Hai. - No, I'm good.
- Ha ta ta ta ta. - No, no.
Ha ta ta ta ta.
One, two, three.
Kick me.
Oh, sorry.
- Sorry. - Mum.
Here.
On the count of three.
- Yes. No. - No.
- What? - No.
- Okay Daan, you know what to do. - Si, padre. Warn you when he comes.
Nice.
Cool.
Okay, Dolf is taking a dump so we have about 14 minutes.
Excellent. I officially open this resistance meeting.
We all know Dolf does something bad, but what is it?
That computer in his office. I'm sure we can find something there.
I saw his house. It looked iffy, stuffed with merchandise.
All things that are supposed to be delivered wrong.
Any slippers there?
Yes, I saw those.
See? Those are my slippers right there, man.
- Or mine. - Why?
How can you tell they're yours?
- They're mine. Makes sense. - Those are my slippers.
Yours are rubbish. Mine look good.
- Mine. Mine. Mine. - Ka-kaa, ka-kaa!
Okay, okay.
They're yours.
- Shush. - Guys.
Guys, please. Come on.
If we can link that merch to his computer files
we can prove he's running a scam.
Yes, okay, but how do we get those things?
Jan and I made a plan, based on a book.
- Escape From Hell. - Yes.
Good book, or so I hear. It's about escaping from…
Erik. Tick tock. We're on the clock here.
We have to steal the files from his computer.
- Can it be done? - What if he catches us?
He'll be seriously mad, man.
- And then what? - Isn't this dangerous?
Folks. Please. Think positive, come on.
It can be done if we stick together.
Jan?
Okay, here's what we'll do.
- What's this then? - We're here to help you, bro.
Bam! Air support with Ozzie at the wheel.
- I adapted this one myself. - Nice one, bro.
So, Roxy distracts Dolf in her stall.
That gives Sami and Said just enough time to go to his office.
Meanwhile, Erik and I take pictures at Dolf's place.
- And Jay? - I keep everyone connected.
Exactly. Music headquarters.
Just like Escape From Hell.
- I do have one little question. - Go on.
Do we get codenames?
What are you on about?
Codenames. Something like Black Panther.
Okay look, if anyone's a Black Panther, it's me, right?
Okay, you're Black Panther, I'm Sick Leopard.
- Sick Leopard? - Yeah, Sick Leopard.
Not sick as in ill, but you know, awesome. Sick. Sick Leopard.
Listen, you're sick in the head.
And you've got a spotty ass, so you're good.
- "You're good." What the hey? - I don't talk like that.
You do. Want me to punch you?
- Why would I? - Just a few minutes.
- Tap, tap, tap. No. - I get to punch you now.
- Careful, he'll see you. - What's that?
Get back, back.
- Whose drone was that? - Drone?
- What is a drone? - That flying thing.
Did you see it? I didn't see anything.
Where's Janero?
Where is everybody?
Where's Daan?
- Come on. Quickly. - Shush.
Is it real resistance? With a sign and everything?
Is that really wise?
Honey, the man terrorizes everybody at The Bazaar.
Really everybody.
This too, what we hear now. This.
That's him too. That's him.
I know, but… Breaking in and taking pictures, Erik?
Honey, the only way to stop him is for everybody to work together.
Drop by tomorrow and I'll introduce you to the others.
Great.
No, sounds great, but I've got class tomorrow at the community centre.
- Again? - Isn't that cool? One a day.
Good night, sweetie.
- Oh, my feet are cold. - Alright.
Pablo!
Oh, Pablo.
Pen.
- You can work a computer? - Leave it to me.
So what we'll do is simply…
Claus, bring on that coffee.
Or I'll have to give everyone here CPR.
- Dad, behave. - I am behaving.
Even his mum's funeral was a lot livelier.
- Five coffees for table five. - Good job, Claus.
Do you happen to have five big slices of funeral cake?
No cake, but I do have baklava.
Pistachio baklava.
Walnut baklava. Chicken baklava.
Salmon baklava.
Baklava with honey.
- Baklava with baklava. - Clausie, Clausie.
Just a joke.
Nice work, dawg. Good job.
Can we talk seriously here, just for a second? Can we? Yeah?
Tomorrow is the day.
Dolf is toast.
If you, er…
need help tomorrow, you can always call me, of course.
Well, Richard, that might actually be a very good idea.
- Will you come help me? - Sure thing.
Always good to have a real man with balls around, right?
- In case things go wrong. - Yes, and a big heart. Aww.
Okay, listen.
Roxy, and apparently my father, will distract Dolf tomorrow.
By 1900 hours we will have collected enough evidence
to absolutely destroy Dolf.
- Yes! - Destroy!
- Tomorrow. - Too right.
- Yeah. - Finally.
Voicemail Dolf Dekker. Keep it short.
A very good morning to you, Dolf. This is Erik van Kampen.
I'm just calling to say I'll be an hour late due to illness.
I'm really very ill.
Are you okay? Hey, you okay?
Right, are you ready?
Yes. I was born ready.
Come on.
Come.
Good morning, gorgeous. What can the man of your dreams do for you today?
- I'm here to help. - There.
Wow, you're really in the mood.
- Oh, yeah. - I knew we had chemistry.
- Yes. - But I didn't quite see this coming.
No, no. Wait.
- Oh, the young lady is teasing? - Yes.
Come along, come here.
Come, come, come.
Okay. Yes, okay, lie down.
- Pardon? - Lie down. Now.
- You sure know what a guy likes. - I sure do. Go on.
- Okay. - There. Good.
Okay, now I need you to play along.
Play along? Yes, alright.
Dolf, help! There's an old man here having a heart attack.
- Old man? Where? - Sorry.
Ah, fuck it.
- Take one for the team. - For those dickheads? No.
Alright. Do it for me?
Hm? Please?
- My heart. - Yes. Louder.
- My heart! - Yes, yes.
My heart.
What's going on here?
- Okay, Dolf is with Roxy. - Thanks, mate.
Showtime.
You have to angle the lens down more.
Down… yes. Click.
- Right a bit. - Right.
So much stuff. Incredible.
Down a bit.
No, that thing should… Wait. Ouch.
Got it. Hang on. Wait, I've got…
He was suddenly down here. I don't know what to do.
Why is an old guy here in your stall?
Come on. You've done a first aid course.
Do something.
I can't breathe.
I'm not doing mouth-to-mouth on a corpse like that.
What? Mouth-to-mouth? No, no.
I'm… I'm feeling a bit better. I can breathe better now.
- Water. - What?
- Water. - Water? Water!
- He needs water. - Er…
- Right, er… - Stay with us.
- Here, water. - Water.
Water, water.
Take a sip. Yes, yes.
What are you doing, man?
You alright?
Easy, easy.
Yes.
We're slipping.
- Jay. - Erik, Janero.
All good here. How is it going there?
- Everything under control? - All according to schedule.
- Got everything? - One more, just one.
They're going into the lion's den now.
Panther, Panther. My codename is Panther, Sick Panther.
- Sick Panther. - No, that's not what I mean.
James Bond, we're here for the computer. I'm shaking.
- Where are those files? - Look at this.
It's not a touchscreen. I use the mouse.
- Don't brag. - They're photos. Shush, quiet.
Let's not click on random photos again.
Guys, are you okay? Hello?
Yes, fine, Jay. Doing good. Nearly there.
Okay, let me see this.
Jay, it's secured.
Guys, guys, guys, relax, okay? We still have time.
Right, Roxy?
I think he's better. He's calmed down.
- Thank goodness. - I'm dying.
- What? - I'm dying.
- Dammit Roxy, he says he's dying. - Oh my God. Oh, no.
- I don't want to die. - Of course.
I have a massive bucket list.
- Okay. - I really want to go…
To a Beyoncé concert.
What? OMG, I want that too.
- You too? - Yes.
And… And I want to queue up on Mount Everest.
We need a computer nerd. A computer nerd.
Guys, do I look like someone who knows a computer nerd?
- Well, I probably know someone. - You do? Go get him.
We have to go.
Jay, if it's too hard, get out of that office. It's dangerous.
No, no, Daan has already gone in.
What? Daan?
Yes, together with…
Ozzie, come on, bro. Do your thing.
Nearly there.
Nearly.
Now copy everything.
Jay, how much time?
I don't know. Dolf is still with Roxy.
Swimming with sharks.
Ski… Ski… Skiing in Denmark.
And I want to see at least four of the big five.
And…
And I want to go zorbing.
- Zorbing! - Zo… Zorbing?
Yeah, you're inside a big plastic ball and they push you off a mountain.
Oh, right. That's pretty cool.
It is. But you shouldn't eat too much beforehand.
Why's that?
You'll barf all over the ball and you won't see a thing.
Wait a sec, aren't you having a heart attack?
I've gone blind.
I've gone blind!
- What's happening? - I've gone blind.
- He's having a heart attack. - A big one.
- Let go. - Let me pass.
- No. - Step aside.
Guys, Dolf is coming. He's coming.
- Almost done. A few seconds. - Go, go. It's my dad. I'll deal with it.
- No, no. - Let me pass.
Out of my way. Let me pass.
Okay, Dolf is coming.
- Daan, get out, he's there. - He's coming.
He's coming.
Screw his Christmas, man.
Where the hell are my keys?
Ouch.
Why is the door open?
- What's up? Did they get it? - No. And Daan is in that dumpster.
- What? - Sami and Said didn't manage it.
So Daan took over.
For his father.
Beautiful.
But Daan is a bit fucked now.
- If he finds him… - Golly.
Daan would be trapped in this bazaar, for life.
Whoa, wait.
- Are you involved? - Not at all.
I'm just taking this dumpster out.
Leave the dumpster.
It's full. I have to take it out.
I said leave it.
I'm the cleaner here, right? Or is it you?
No, you, but this goes back. Let go.
Who's the boss around here?
Let go.
You let go.
- Get off. - You get off.
No, you.
- Let go. - You let go.
- Okay, fine. - No.
Man, I'm so done with you.
I'm stuffing you in a cage and I'm calling the police.
They will find so much shit on you, you'll never get out of jail.
See what you did here?
And this? You did this too.
Here, you stole this thing.
And this one, you stole that too.
What's your problem? Here, then you did this.
And you threw that down.
So you're coming with me, buddy. Right now.
Come here. Keep walking. Walk, man.
Ouch.
- Dolf, please. - Don't you 'Dolf' me.
- You're crazy. - No, you are.
You caused that chaos out there and goodness knows what else.
You're going down, son, you're going down big time.
- Dolf… - No!
Enough. I'm calling the police.
Dolf?
I've got it.
Holy crap. I'm not sure it will help us now.
Your dad is screwed, man.
He sacrificed himself for me.
Respect.
We have to do something.
- I know. - What?
I'll call my mum.
Like that.
Then you add the milk. It can be oat milk.
Daan?
It makes no difference. See that froth?
Dad is in a cage?
In a warehouse?
There's no time. He has to come out.
Do you know someone? Like a lawyer or a policeman?
There.
Daan, hold on a sec.
- Mo? - Hm?
Mo? Mo.
You say Mo, but I am Giuseppe Bertolini.
Flown in from Roma, Italia, for the class, the workshop.
Cappuccino, macchiato, espresso, risotto, Irish coffee…
Listen, Giuseppe, this is an emergency.
My husband needs someone like you.
Ah, a barista from Roma.
No, someone who can play any role that comes along, to perfection.
You are the best actor I have ever seen.
That really moves me.
You saying that, that's very moving.
This centre is so important for the young people and for the elderly.
I get to live my dreams here.
This is my passion. This is my world.
This is my stage.
Yes, but Mo, listen.
- I can offer you a much bigger stage. - You can?
The world out there.
- My husband needs a police detective. - A police detective?
The best one you can be for us.
Mr Dekker, you called?
Ah, police?
Criminal investigation.
- Deniz Schoonenbeek. D-e-n-i-z. - Dennis?
- Deniz. - Deniz?
Schoonenbeek.
Good, yes, Mr Schoonenbeek. We have a situation here.
As you can see: destruction, theft, insults.
- You must arrest him right away. - Must I?
Yes, it's… He does this all the time.
He's a danger to society.
I understand. Those people are the worst.
- Too right. - Where is he?
- Come with me. - After you.
Please come through.
Here we are. See?
You better stay quiet. The police is here.
But I… This is a misunderstanding.
I can explain.
Anything you say can be used against you in a court of law.
Sir, I haven't done anything.
Are you kidding? He attacked me in broad daylight.
Mr Dekker, it's best if I take the suspect with me.
Certainly. Definitely. That's best.
- Open it up, in a jiffy. - Come on out.
Come on.
Hands on your back.
Oh, pardon me.
- What's this then? - It's the latest model.
- Mr Dekker. Yes. - Ouch.
Okay, come with me.
- I haven't done anything. - Take him away.
I'm innocent.
Ouch. Ouch.
- This is a mistake. - Calm down.
No, I'm trying to show my innocence.
- This makes me look like a criminal. - Erik, calm down.
You have the best detective in the country on your side.
Deniz Schoonenbeek. D-e-n-i-z.
- Dennis? - Deniz! Deniz.
My mother is Turkish, my father is Dutch.
I thought you were Moroccan.
I'm a Turk, man. What's with you?
Get in.
Hurry.
- Here. - Huh?
- Hi, honey. - What are you doing here?
- I see you've met Mo. - Mo? This is Dennis.
- Deniz. - Sorry.
Yes, Deniz. Let's go.
Gentlemen.
Can I help you?
Yes, we're looking for Dolf Dekker.
He reported vandalism and threats.
That's right. I'm Dolf Dekker.
You can see it here, but
a colleague of yours was just here. A Dennis.
Dennis?
Er, Deniz…?
Schoonenbeek, does that sound right?
Doesn't ring a bell. You?
I don't know any Dennis.
He took the suspect away, handcuffed, to the station.
Maybe there's a mix-up. Can you check it out, Rachid?
Control, this is C-18. What is the status of the Ba…
Man, I'm so done with you.
I'm stuffing you in a cage and I'm calling the police.
They will find so much shit on you, you'll never get out of jail.
- See what you did here? - Just ignore this.
Here, you stole this thing.
- You'll never get out of jail. - Wait a sec.
Hey, wait.
What is this? Turn it off.
What do you mean? I don't hear anything. You?
- You did this. - That's a nice beat.
Turn it off.
- And this, you stole this too. - Turn it off.
I said off.
Off.
There. You're all toast.
Are we now?
See what you did here?
You'll never get out of jail. You did this. Did this.
You did this too.
Here, you stole this thing. And this one, you stole that too.
What's your problem? Then you did this.
Never get out of jail. Never get out. Never get out.
This is not what you think it is. I swear.
So, you're coming with us.
- Come along. - Move it.
- Walk. - Come on.
Lay off.
Guys. Ouch, ouch.
A scandal was brought to light at the German Quarter
where a criminal superintendent stole goods and blackmailed people for years.
I'm here with one of the victims, Erik van Kampen
who singlehandedly managed to get the criminal arrested.
Well, no…
John, I have…
Yes, I am a victim, that's true.
But I didn't solve this by myself.
We did it together, with everyone at the Bazaar
and everyone in the German Quarter. Real teamwork.
- Guys… - Right.
I love you all.
Today's revelations mean in any case
that Erik is innocent of all charges.
For a long time, he and others were in the stranglehold
of this criminal superintendent
who terrorised the Bazaar in the German Quarter for years.
Erik van Kampen can move on now.
- Erik van Kampen is a free man. - Yeah.
Terrific.
Oh honey, I'm so proud of you.
Yes, me too.
You're a total baby, and a wuss. But you're my wuss.
And you brought that asshole to his knees.
Fair is fair: I couldn't have done it without Daan.
I know, right.
Sure. Or without our new friends. Let's not forget them.
I need to tell you something important.
A lot has happened recently, right?
We had some turbulent times.
But I made you a promise when the summer began. And now I can keep it.
I got all the money back that I paid Dolf, plus a bonus.
So we can go for a sun vacation for at least three weeks.
That's really great, Dad.
It's just, we still have a lot of free classes left
with Mo at the community centre.
Yes, and we love it.
And I'm hanging out with the boys. I like the German Quarter just fine.
Oh, but then you and I could go together.
On vacation? Three weeks? Quality time, father and son?
Let's go to Lesbos. Loads of chicks.
I… I think I like the German Quarter just fine too.
Me too. It's exotic.
So German, everything.
Exactly what I mean. It's very exotic.
German? Exotic?
What's keeping you? There's a party.
What party?
- The Dolf has… - No, wait.
- The… - Dolf is…
Together, dude. On my count.
One, two.
The Dolf Has Buggered Off party, guys. Ka-kaa!
Dolf has buggered off. Dolf has buggered off.
Dolf has buggered off. Dolf has buggered off. Dolf has buggered off.
Outside, everyone. Come on.
Hey, Laura and Jessica.
Mo told me that two stunning women would be here tonight.
Here you go.
- Thank you. - That's funny.
- You know Mo? - Yeah, Mo and I go way back.
Luano from Hawaii.
Hi, Luano from Hawaii. Aloha.
- Aloha. - Aloha.
- A beautiful island in the Indian Ocean. - Indian Ocean?
Almost.
The Atlantic Ocean.
The American Gulf.
- The South Sea? - No.
- No, the… Pacific! Of course. - Bingo.
- The most beautiful Pacific island. - Aloha.
Aloha. Cheers.
Delicious, Luano.
Check this out.
- Cheers. - Cheers.
Couldn't have done it without you.
An old man having a heart attack. Thanks very much.
Come on, it was a good diversion.
A better diversion would have been
him coming in just as you and I were going to…
Dance?
Here, boys.
Oh, okay.
Why not.
Bro, they often say white folk can't dance, but… they're right.
Wow.
So that will be my new grandma.
So? Are you feeling at home here?
Jan.
This gringo feels at home everywhere.
You're stuck, Laura. How do you break away?
What does your instinct tell you?
- Gross. - Hai.
- That was real spit. - Sorry about that.
Mummy…
- But you… - What?!
- Take a picture of me. - Of you?
- Yeah man, take my picture too. - Bloody heck.
- Ka-kaa, Ka-kaa! - Shush.
- Ka-kaa. - Cool it.
Ka-kaa, Ka-kaa!
Ka-kaa, Ka-kaa, Ka-kaa.
Ka-kaa!
Mic is dropped.
Cap.
Apples.
No, two pairs of…
Two pairs of caps. Aargh.
- Four slippers, two bags of apples. - No slippers.
I'll be your aikildo instl…
Onegaishimasu.
- We need a computer. - Yes.
- We need a computer nerd. - White guy with glasses. Fix.
- Go check on Dolf. - With freckles and a limp.
Quiet. I hear something.
Dude, wtf.
Stop.
Sorry.
Jeez.
I'm not paying 700 euros to rent a… What's the word?
- Cleaning trolley. - A cleaning trolley.
Sick Lemming. Sick Lemming, you know.
- Sick Leopard, you mean. - No.
- It's in the script, dude. - What?
The white folks will clean it up. What do I rap about?
- Clean streets? - Sure. Gimme a beat.
ey, ey, this is not normal, everything is
everything is different here in the hoo…
- Is this the German Quarter? - Bro, that was awful, man.