1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.LT 2 00:00:02,300 --> 00:00:03,300 -This is my goofy brother. -Duh! 3 00:00:03,400 --> 00:00:04,740 NARRATION: That’s me, 12-year-old Mike Lobel. 4 00:00:04,840 --> 00:00:07,280 -Hi, I’m Michael, and I’ll be your host for the evening. 5 00:00:07,370 --> 00:00:09,410 NARRATION: And this is my family. 6 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.LT 7 00:00:09,510 --> 00:00:11,180 MICHAEL: [video] Say hi, Mom. 8 00:00:11,280 --> 00:00:13,220 -This is Mommy Susie speaking. 9 00:00:13,310 --> 00:00:16,780 {\an8} MOM: On the surface, we just appeared to be a normal family. 10 00:00:16,880 --> 00:00:18,580 {\an8}And we were. And we are. 11 00:00:18,690 --> 00:00:22,260 I took you to school, did the groceries. 12 00:00:22,360 --> 00:00:24,330 We had birthday parties for you. 13 00:00:24,420 --> 00:00:25,920 [people singing Happy Birthday in video] 14 00:00:26,030 --> 00:00:28,000 {\an8}NARRATION: My little brother, sister, and I 15 00:00:28,090 --> 00:00:31,360 {\an8} grew up in Parkdale, in the heart of Toronto. 16 00:00:31,460 --> 00:00:33,630 {\an8}My little sister Melanie was fearless. 17 00:00:33,730 --> 00:00:34,930 {\an8}MOM: [video] Be careful! 18 00:00:35,040 --> 00:00:37,340 MELANIE: I wanted to do the things that you were doing, 19 00:00:37,440 --> 00:00:38,940 and I wanted to do them better. 20 00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:41,940 MICHAEL: Oh, well, it comes out now for the first time! 21 00:00:43,710 --> 00:00:45,950 NARRATION: My brother Elliot was shy. 22 00:00:46,050 --> 00:00:47,390 -Say hi. -Hi. 23 00:00:47,480 --> 00:00:49,320 -Wave. -Wave. 24 00:00:49,420 --> 00:00:51,990 NARRATION: He was always really taking everything in. 25 00:00:52,090 --> 00:00:54,090 ELLIOT: I think I was a pretty goofy kid. 26 00:00:55,620 --> 00:00:57,190 {\an8}A good kid. 27 00:00:58,860 --> 00:01:00,160 Definitely not rebellious. 28 00:01:01,530 --> 00:01:03,700 NARRATION: I was the rebellious one. 29 00:01:03,800 --> 00:01:05,140 MOM: Say Merry Christmas. 30 00:01:05,230 --> 00:01:06,300 No... 31 00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:07,770 -Merry Christmas. 32 00:01:09,070 --> 00:01:11,470 NARRATION: I had big feelings and a lot of energy. 33 00:01:13,070 --> 00:01:16,170 {\an8} MOM: You were eight when you somersaulted off the bookcase. 34 00:01:17,680 --> 00:01:19,420 You ended up in the hospital. 35 00:01:19,510 --> 00:01:21,950 NARRATION: I was a handful, but my mom wouldn’t admit it. 36 00:01:22,050 --> 00:01:24,720 MOM: Those were beautiful times. It was bliss. 37 00:01:24,820 --> 00:01:27,060 ELLIOT: Yeah, it sounds very normal and nice. 38 00:01:29,220 --> 00:01:33,390 MOM: It was all about taking care of the kids, for me. 39 00:01:33,490 --> 00:01:37,090 And Dad was responsible for... 40 00:01:37,200 --> 00:01:40,400 um, you know... 41 00:01:40,500 --> 00:01:41,740 [sighs] 42 00:01:42,900 --> 00:01:44,270 [static] 43 00:01:44,370 --> 00:01:47,640 MOM: There would be times that he was gone and absent. 44 00:01:47,740 --> 00:01:49,810 I couldn’t understand where he was. 45 00:01:49,910 --> 00:01:51,950 ELLIOT: I didn’t really have a very good idea 46 00:01:52,050 --> 00:01:54,120 what my dad did. 47 00:01:54,210 --> 00:01:56,080 MICHAEL: And when people asked, what did you say? 48 00:01:56,180 --> 00:01:58,120 -Well, that he was a taxi driver. 49 00:01:59,650 --> 00:02:01,520 ELLIOT: Insurance was one of them. 50 00:02:01,620 --> 00:02:03,090 MELISSA: He was in the antique business 51 00:02:03,190 --> 00:02:04,260 and went on the road. 52 00:02:04,360 --> 00:02:06,160 ELLIOT: The stock market. 53 00:02:06,260 --> 00:02:07,960 -Gambling. 54 00:02:08,060 --> 00:02:11,200 Actually, I don’t even know if any of that’s true. 55 00:02:11,300 --> 00:02:14,000 MICHAEL: Is it true Dad worked for a travel magazine? 56 00:02:14,100 --> 00:02:15,000 -No. 57 00:02:16,540 --> 00:02:20,140 ELLIOT: Dad had a drawer of, like, phones. 58 00:02:20,240 --> 00:02:22,010 MELISSA: We’d be having family dinner, 59 00:02:22,110 --> 00:02:24,210 a random cell phone would go off, 60 00:02:24,310 --> 00:02:26,710 some new ringtone. 61 00:02:26,810 --> 00:02:28,550 [phone ringing] 62 00:02:29,850 --> 00:02:31,450 MELISSA: Any point, like, I looked over, like, 63 00:02:31,550 --> 00:02:34,720 you were kind of just, like, head down, whatever, don’t... 64 00:02:34,820 --> 00:02:36,620 Like, don’t acknowledge anything. 65 00:02:36,720 --> 00:02:37,790 [cell phones ringing] 66 00:02:37,890 --> 00:02:41,290 MELISSA: And Dad wouldn’t flinch. 67 00:02:41,390 --> 00:02:42,290 Like, he wouldn’t move. 68 00:02:44,030 --> 00:02:46,970 We were not allowed to be going upstairs. 69 00:02:47,070 --> 00:02:50,270 There was a Post-It on the staircase, 70 00:02:50,370 --> 00:02:52,740 and I would get the response, "Don’t come up! 71 00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:54,780 "Don’t come up." 72 00:02:54,870 --> 00:02:56,840 NARRATION: We all lived under the same roof, 73 00:02:56,940 --> 00:03:00,110 but we couldn’t tell you a lot about him. 74 00:03:00,210 --> 00:03:03,410 He just seemed different than other dads, 75 00:03:03,520 --> 00:03:05,820 in ways we didn’t understand, 76 00:03:05,920 --> 00:03:08,190 and still don’t. 77 00:03:08,290 --> 00:03:09,730 See, that’s the thing... 78 00:03:10,790 --> 00:03:12,690 None of us really know 79 00:03:12,790 --> 00:03:14,760 who Dad is. 80 00:03:16,230 --> 00:03:20,230 [static] 81 00:03:27,010 --> 00:03:28,880 NARRATION: It’s taken me a long time to decide 82 00:03:28,980 --> 00:03:30,680 I want to have children. 83 00:03:31,950 --> 00:03:33,820 -Are you ready? -Yeah. 84 00:03:33,910 --> 00:03:35,750 NARRATION: I’m afraid of messing them up. 85 00:03:35,850 --> 00:03:37,020 MIKA: No, it’s okay, it’s okay. 86 00:03:37,120 --> 00:03:38,190 MICHAEL: Okay, that one’s fast. 87 00:03:38,280 --> 00:03:40,780 NARRATION: What kind of father will I be? 88 00:03:43,990 --> 00:03:45,120 -I love doing this. 89 00:03:45,230 --> 00:03:47,400 NARRATION: When I was 14, I learned that cameras 90 00:03:47,490 --> 00:03:48,960 don’t just record reality. 91 00:03:49,060 --> 00:03:51,400 MICHAEL: [video] Get outta here, Elliot. 92 00:03:51,500 --> 00:03:53,840 NARRATION: They can change it. 93 00:03:53,930 --> 00:03:55,900 With this accidental cut right here... 94 00:03:56,000 --> 00:03:56,970 MICHAEL: [video] Elliot... 95 00:03:58,400 --> 00:04:00,200 NARRATION: I was hooked. 96 00:04:00,310 --> 00:04:01,780 -[coughing] 97 00:04:01,870 --> 00:04:03,210 -[yelling] -[gunshot sound effect] 98 00:04:03,310 --> 00:04:05,910 NARRATION: I did what any angsty kid might do... 99 00:04:06,010 --> 00:04:08,150 I started making my own movies. 100 00:04:08,250 --> 00:04:10,150 MICHAEL: [video] In the movie, I’m gonna be wearing 101 00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:12,220 those shoes, so it’s carefully planned out. 102 00:04:12,320 --> 00:04:14,390 MELISSA: [video] You gotta bring a knife and ketchup. 103 00:04:14,490 --> 00:04:15,660 [car sound effects] 104 00:04:15,760 --> 00:04:18,360 NARRATION: My brother and sister were my first film crew. 105 00:04:18,460 --> 00:04:20,700 MICHAEL: [video] Ready? ELLIOT: [video] Yeah. 106 00:04:20,790 --> 00:04:22,860 MICHAEL: Action. 107 00:04:22,960 --> 00:04:24,260 Ooh, the cat! 108 00:04:24,360 --> 00:04:26,560 NARRATION: I kept trying to will my toys to life 109 00:04:26,670 --> 00:04:28,370 by filming them. 110 00:04:28,470 --> 00:04:31,370 Little worlds I could disappear into. 111 00:04:31,470 --> 00:04:34,210 Then eventually, I disappeared into characters. 112 00:04:34,310 --> 00:04:36,850 When I was 16, I landed an agent, 113 00:04:36,940 --> 00:04:39,740 and I got to play Jay Hogart for seven seasons 114 00:04:39,850 --> 00:04:42,420 {\an8} on "Degrassi: The Next Generation." 115 00:04:42,520 --> 00:04:44,790 {\an8}A Canadian success. 116 00:04:44,880 --> 00:04:45,980 {\an8}It was amazing. 117 00:04:46,090 --> 00:04:48,530 {\an8}I was doing what I loved to do: 118 00:04:48,620 --> 00:04:49,860 {\an8}telling stories. 119 00:04:51,390 --> 00:04:54,390 {\an8}But there was always one story I always felt I couldn’t tell. 120 00:04:57,560 --> 00:04:58,390 My own. 121 00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:04,440 To tell it, I need my family’s help. 122 00:05:04,540 --> 00:05:06,740 [slides clicking] 123 00:05:06,840 --> 00:05:08,440 NARRATION: I’m not sure I’ll get it. 124 00:05:10,380 --> 00:05:12,550 [cell phone ringing] 125 00:05:12,650 --> 00:05:13,550 ELLIOT: [phone] Hey. 126 00:05:13,650 --> 00:05:14,550 -How’s it going, man? 127 00:05:14,650 --> 00:05:16,020 {\an8}ELLIOT: Good, what’s up? MICHAEL: Not much. 128 00:05:16,120 --> 00:05:19,620 Just, uh, digitizing some of our old stuff. 129 00:05:19,720 --> 00:05:21,390 ELLIOT: Nice. 130 00:05:21,490 --> 00:05:23,860 MICHAEL: Yeah. Uh... 131 00:05:23,960 --> 00:05:26,300 I guess my question is, would you be willing 132 00:05:26,390 --> 00:05:29,190 to sit down on camera, if I come to Montreal, 133 00:05:30,730 --> 00:05:32,000 to talk about it? 134 00:05:32,100 --> 00:05:34,100 ELLIOT: I don’t want anything to do with it. 135 00:05:34,200 --> 00:05:35,500 MICHAEL: Are you serious? 136 00:05:35,600 --> 00:05:37,800 ELLIOT: Yeah, I’m gonna be running for office. 137 00:05:37,900 --> 00:05:39,600 [laughs] 138 00:05:39,710 --> 00:05:40,950 MICHAEL: Seriously, though. 139 00:05:41,040 --> 00:05:42,480 ELLIOT: Yeah, I mean, sure, why not? 140 00:05:42,580 --> 00:05:43,580 You can interview me. 141 00:05:43,680 --> 00:05:45,150 [line trilling] 142 00:05:47,580 --> 00:05:51,320 MICHAEL: Would you and your husband be cool to talk? 143 00:05:51,420 --> 00:05:54,120 MELISSA: [phone] Yeah, he can’t be associated with it at all. 144 00:05:54,220 --> 00:05:56,090 MICHAEL: And that goes for the whole family? 145 00:05:56,190 --> 00:05:59,060 MELISSA: Yes, no, you cannot use my children’s faces on it. 146 00:06:01,090 --> 00:06:02,190 MICHAEL: Okay. 147 00:06:02,300 --> 00:06:04,540 MELISSA: Yeah, that’s a hard no. 148 00:06:04,630 --> 00:06:06,200 -Got it. So just you, then? 149 00:06:06,300 --> 00:06:07,840 MELISSA: Just me. MICHAEL: Okay. 150 00:06:09,270 --> 00:06:11,570 MOM: I think I need to do this. 151 00:06:11,670 --> 00:06:16,040 Something that Dad and I shared for many years, and only us. 152 00:06:17,180 --> 00:06:19,120 NARRATION: That just leaves my dad. 153 00:06:19,210 --> 00:06:23,210 ♪ 154 00:06:23,320 --> 00:06:26,120 {\an8}♪ 155 00:06:26,220 --> 00:06:28,320 {\an8}MICHAEL: Rolling on A, rolling on B. 156 00:06:29,660 --> 00:06:31,860 NARRATION: My siblings and I have never really talked 157 00:06:31,960 --> 00:06:33,330 about our dad’s secret. 158 00:06:33,430 --> 00:06:36,200 MICHAEL: What do you think we’re here to talk about today? 159 00:06:36,300 --> 00:06:38,800 -We’re here to talk about my dad. 160 00:06:38,900 --> 00:06:40,270 MICHAEL: How does that make you feel? 161 00:06:40,370 --> 00:06:42,670 -It makes me feel nervous talking about this. 162 00:06:42,770 --> 00:06:46,110 {\an8}NARRATION: I don’t expect them to open up right away. 163 00:06:46,210 --> 00:06:48,350 {\an8}I didn’t tell my wife Mika about the secret 164 00:06:48,440 --> 00:06:51,040 until just before we were married. 165 00:06:51,140 --> 00:06:53,380 I was 38 years old. 166 00:06:54,580 --> 00:06:56,450 ELLIOT: I don’t know when that started. 167 00:06:56,550 --> 00:07:00,490 That feeling of like, uh, you know, trying to be careful. 168 00:07:00,590 --> 00:07:02,560 NARRATION: We all have our reasons. 169 00:07:02,660 --> 00:07:06,030 When I was ten, I asked my dad what he did for a living 170 00:07:06,130 --> 00:07:08,570 for a "take your kid to work" day school project. 171 00:07:09,930 --> 00:07:12,100 He yelled at me. 172 00:07:12,200 --> 00:07:13,400 I never dared ask again. 173 00:07:15,070 --> 00:07:16,670 DAD: [video] Now you can go run. 174 00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:19,040 NARRATION: But I could tell something was up. 175 00:07:19,140 --> 00:07:21,810 MELISSA: I knew you were going through the same thing 176 00:07:21,910 --> 00:07:23,450 that I was going through. 177 00:07:23,540 --> 00:07:26,310 At that moment, we kind of made it a quest 178 00:07:26,410 --> 00:07:29,450 that we were going to figure out what our dad did. 179 00:07:31,280 --> 00:07:33,820 I started to recognize mail 180 00:07:33,920 --> 00:07:37,060 that would have a different name. 181 00:07:37,160 --> 00:07:40,200 I thought that he was different people. 182 00:07:40,290 --> 00:07:43,490 ELLIOT: The upstairs, it was not quite finished. 183 00:07:43,600 --> 00:07:45,870 MELISSA: Mom and Dad’s ensuite bathroom that never got done. 184 00:07:45,970 --> 00:07:47,340 -Remember the Jacuzzi? 185 00:07:47,430 --> 00:07:50,800 MELISSA: There was a roughed-in bathtub. 186 00:07:50,900 --> 00:07:54,000 ELLIOT: It had, like, this wood on top of it, covering it. 187 00:07:55,340 --> 00:07:57,780 I don’t think I looked under that. 188 00:07:57,880 --> 00:08:02,080 MELISSA: I knew it was something that we shouldn’t know about. 189 00:08:03,580 --> 00:08:07,880 I never really wanted to snoop so hard, 190 00:08:07,990 --> 00:08:11,860 but I felt like, "I have to just look." 191 00:08:11,960 --> 00:08:13,600 And I go to lift it up. 192 00:08:15,090 --> 00:08:17,190 I don’t know what I saw. 193 00:08:17,300 --> 00:08:20,870 {\an8} ELLIOT: As a kid, you kind of absorb this energy 194 00:08:20,970 --> 00:08:22,610 {\an8}of your surroundings. 195 00:08:22,700 --> 00:08:24,670 {\an8}NARRATION: We weren’t just absorbing energy. 196 00:08:24,770 --> 00:08:28,010 {\an8} There was a long list of instructions we had to follow, 197 00:08:28,110 --> 00:08:29,480 no questions asked. 198 00:08:29,580 --> 00:08:31,080 MOM: [video] I’m serious. Don’t forget. 199 00:08:31,180 --> 00:08:33,450 The safety things are most important, okay? 200 00:08:33,550 --> 00:08:35,890 Leave the outdoor lights on. Put the alarm on. 201 00:08:35,980 --> 00:08:37,550 Keep the blinds down. 202 00:08:37,650 --> 00:08:38,620 [doorbell rings] 203 00:08:38,720 --> 00:08:39,820 MELISSA: We had an alarm system, 204 00:08:39,920 --> 00:08:43,120 and that alarm system had to be kept on all the time. 205 00:08:44,220 --> 00:08:45,990 Not just at night; all day. 206 00:08:47,130 --> 00:08:49,070 ELLIOT: It felt like he was 207 00:08:49,160 --> 00:08:51,430 going a little bit overboard with details. 208 00:08:54,970 --> 00:08:57,240 ELLIOT: Could I have asked what he does? 209 00:08:57,340 --> 00:08:59,510 MELISSA: There was a lot of times that we tried, 210 00:08:59,610 --> 00:09:01,280 and we got shut down. 211 00:09:01,370 --> 00:09:03,110 [children yelling] 212 00:09:03,210 --> 00:09:07,080 MELISSA: Dad could at times be verbally volatile. 213 00:09:07,180 --> 00:09:09,520 ELLIOT: There’s always that thought of, like, you know, 214 00:09:09,620 --> 00:09:12,490 what if he directs his anger at me? 215 00:09:12,590 --> 00:09:14,360 NARRATION: When he was like that, 216 00:09:14,450 --> 00:09:16,790 he could yell and slam doors, 217 00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:18,530 {\an8}or leave the house in a rage. 218 00:09:18,620 --> 00:09:21,520 {\an8} MELISSA: I feel like we were just so programmed. 219 00:09:21,630 --> 00:09:24,370 {\an8}"Don’t acknowledge what is happening." 220 00:09:24,460 --> 00:09:28,230 Yeah, our friends all knew what their parents did for work. 221 00:09:28,330 --> 00:09:31,630 But we had no clue. 222 00:09:31,740 --> 00:09:34,810 -And it made me feel very uncomfortable. 223 00:09:34,910 --> 00:09:36,810 [children singing] 224 00:09:36,910 --> 00:09:38,550 MELISSA: I made something up, 225 00:09:38,640 --> 00:09:40,680 which was the first time 226 00:09:40,780 --> 00:09:46,190 that I lied to protect myself and my family. 227 00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:49,090 NARRATION: We were taught to keep our heads down 228 00:09:49,190 --> 00:09:50,890 and our mouths shut. 229 00:09:50,990 --> 00:09:52,430 {\an8}But I just couldn’t do it. 230 00:09:52,530 --> 00:09:55,470 {\an8}-[people cheering] -[cameras clicking] 231 00:09:55,560 --> 00:09:57,860 {\an8}NARRATION: There I was, on a hit TV show, 232 00:09:57,960 --> 00:10:00,100 {\an8}drawing attention to myself, 233 00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:03,200 {\an8}standing in the biggest possible spotlight, 234 00:10:03,300 --> 00:10:05,740 but I was afraid of who might be watching. 235 00:10:07,140 --> 00:10:08,610 -I had recurring nightmares. 236 00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:14,410 Mine were about being taken for ransom. 237 00:10:16,280 --> 00:10:18,720 I don’t know who would be taking me. 238 00:10:19,890 --> 00:10:21,160 NARRATION: For me, the nightmares started 239 00:10:21,250 --> 00:10:23,050 when I was ten. 240 00:10:23,160 --> 00:10:25,500 I had the same one for 25 years. 241 00:10:26,990 --> 00:10:30,530 I’m a kid, and the front door of my house is being kicked in. 242 00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:31,970 -[door crashes open] -[alarm blaring] 243 00:10:32,060 --> 00:10:33,090 [gun cocks] 244 00:10:35,300 --> 00:10:37,170 NARRATION: All kids have nightmares. 245 00:10:37,270 --> 00:10:40,070 They see things that aren’t really there. 246 00:10:40,170 --> 00:10:42,240 But this wasn’t our imagination. 247 00:10:42,340 --> 00:10:44,740 It was real. 248 00:10:44,840 --> 00:10:48,580 I found this tape in my parents’ basement. 249 00:10:48,680 --> 00:10:50,580 MICHAEL: Just read the title for me. 250 00:10:50,680 --> 00:10:51,480 -Oh my God. 251 00:10:59,730 --> 00:11:00,560 [crying] Okay. 252 00:11:04,430 --> 00:11:05,770 MICHAEL: What does it say? 253 00:11:07,730 --> 00:11:10,230 WOMAN: [video] This is Melanie Cassandra Lobel. 254 00:11:10,340 --> 00:11:12,410 "Give to police if either are abducted." 255 00:11:12,510 --> 00:11:14,780 WOMAN: This is Michael Ryan Lobel. 256 00:11:14,870 --> 00:11:16,070 No birthmarks or scars. 257 00:11:20,880 --> 00:11:23,420 NARRATION: Seeing my sister like this hits me hard. 258 00:11:24,780 --> 00:11:28,320 My parents thought lying was the best way to protect us. 259 00:11:30,390 --> 00:11:33,060 My mom doesn’t feel that way anymore. 260 00:11:33,160 --> 00:11:34,730 DAD: But we’re doing alright. 261 00:11:34,830 --> 00:11:37,670 MOM: We’ve lived in the shadows for so long. 262 00:11:37,760 --> 00:11:38,960 I can’t do it anymore. 263 00:11:39,070 --> 00:11:42,710 I can’t go to my deathbed with this shadow hanging over me. 264 00:11:42,800 --> 00:11:44,440 NARRATION: I secretly record my parents’ conversation. 265 00:11:44,540 --> 00:11:47,640 MOM: I’ve had anxiety my whole life trying to keep it... 266 00:11:47,740 --> 00:11:50,280 DAD: I understand that, I understand that. 267 00:11:50,380 --> 00:11:52,150 MOM: ...under wraps. And it’s killed me. 268 00:11:52,240 --> 00:11:54,280 So I want to be free of it. 269 00:11:55,680 --> 00:11:58,850 NARRATION: My dad finally agrees to an interview... 270 00:11:58,950 --> 00:12:00,520 but on one condition. 271 00:12:02,820 --> 00:12:07,290 The footage stays in his safe until after he’s dead. 272 00:12:09,930 --> 00:12:10,800 MICHAEL: Lights. 273 00:12:10,900 --> 00:12:15,300 ♪ 274 00:12:15,400 --> 00:12:17,070 MICHAEL: So, if you were to honestly say 275 00:12:17,170 --> 00:12:18,570 what the title of your job was... 276 00:12:18,670 --> 00:12:19,600 -Mm-hm. 277 00:12:19,710 --> 00:12:21,950 MICHAEL: What would you say? "I was a..."? 278 00:12:22,040 --> 00:12:23,510 -I, um... 279 00:12:24,740 --> 00:12:26,540 MICHAEL: What’s the term for that? 280 00:12:30,480 --> 00:12:32,120 MICHAEL: What’s the term for that? 281 00:12:32,220 --> 00:12:33,220 -Drug dealer. 282 00:12:34,390 --> 00:12:36,430 -My dad was a drug dealer. 283 00:12:38,790 --> 00:12:41,490 -If this doesn’t put me in jail, I don’t know what will. 284 00:12:41,590 --> 00:12:44,330 NARRATION: My dad told me the truth a few years ago, 285 00:12:44,430 --> 00:12:46,370 but he swore me to secrecy. 286 00:12:46,470 --> 00:12:48,470 He only told my siblings recently. 287 00:12:48,570 --> 00:12:50,010 ELLIOT: I forget everything about the wording, 288 00:12:50,100 --> 00:12:51,440 but I remember he told me. 289 00:12:51,540 --> 00:12:54,140 -I thought, "Okay, this is just, like, a whole local thing." 290 00:12:54,240 --> 00:12:56,380 I have no concept beyond that. 291 00:12:57,710 --> 00:13:00,350 MICHAEL: How did you start in the business? 292 00:13:00,450 --> 00:13:02,450 -Well, it’s a little fuzzy about the... 293 00:13:02,550 --> 00:13:05,190 how it... how it came about. 294 00:13:05,280 --> 00:13:06,310 -Yeah. 295 00:13:06,420 --> 00:13:09,560 Um, we’re gonna have to put ourselves back 296 00:13:09,660 --> 00:13:11,830 into those places that we were in. 297 00:13:11,920 --> 00:13:13,090 -Yeah. 298 00:13:13,190 --> 00:13:16,260 -You know, I’m giving you permission 299 00:13:16,360 --> 00:13:19,000 to put yourself in some of those moments. 300 00:13:19,100 --> 00:13:21,800 -But first, you want me to go through Dante’s Inferno? 301 00:13:23,970 --> 00:13:26,740 DAD: Well, your uncle Allan was in the pot and hash business. 302 00:13:28,870 --> 00:13:30,740 MICHAEL: So, he rubbed off on you? 303 00:13:30,840 --> 00:13:32,640 -Oh, I’d say he had. 304 00:13:32,750 --> 00:13:35,990 I was in my early 20s and looking for work, 305 00:13:36,080 --> 00:13:38,480 and he came to me and said, 306 00:13:38,580 --> 00:13:41,580 "Would you like to make some extra coin?" 307 00:13:41,690 --> 00:13:43,390 He had me doing deliveries. 308 00:13:43,490 --> 00:13:45,360 -You start doing deliveries. Then what? 309 00:13:45,460 --> 00:13:46,660 -Just bigger deliveries. 310 00:13:46,760 --> 00:13:49,200 -How much bigger? -Well, you know, I mean... 311 00:13:49,300 --> 00:13:50,800 how much bigger? Um... 312 00:13:50,900 --> 00:13:52,240 [chuckles] 313 00:13:52,330 --> 00:13:54,000 I don’t-- I don’t know how to answer that. 314 00:13:54,100 --> 00:13:56,600 I mean, it was just like supply and demand. 315 00:13:56,700 --> 00:13:58,900 -Well, listen, Dad, you’re not standing on a street corner 316 00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:00,030 -selling dime bags. -No. 317 00:14:00,140 --> 00:14:01,440 No, no, no, moving 318 00:14:01,540 --> 00:14:03,680 different-size weights of things, 319 00:14:03,780 --> 00:14:05,780 and moving them to different customers. 320 00:14:05,880 --> 00:14:07,820 NARRATION: I know this won’t be easy. 321 00:14:07,910 --> 00:14:10,410 My dad has spent his whole life evading questions. 322 00:14:10,520 --> 00:14:12,590 MICHAEL: Okay, so let’s just get back to how this stuff 323 00:14:12,690 --> 00:14:13,690 is coming into the country. 324 00:14:13,790 --> 00:14:15,130 It’s coming in myriad different ways. 325 00:14:15,220 --> 00:14:17,320 -Yeah. -What are those ways? 326 00:14:17,420 --> 00:14:20,160 -Well, the planes, trains, and automobiles. 327 00:14:20,260 --> 00:14:21,230 There’s things that kinda-- 328 00:14:21,330 --> 00:14:22,500 -But you’re not gonna tell me? 329 00:14:22,600 --> 00:14:24,340 -I mean, you know, just, like... 330 00:14:24,430 --> 00:14:26,300 watch the movies, you know? 331 00:14:26,400 --> 00:14:28,170 They, uh... 332 00:14:28,270 --> 00:14:29,510 MICHAEL: It’s bugging me a little bit, 333 00:14:29,600 --> 00:14:30,840 how you’re coming at this. 334 00:14:30,940 --> 00:14:33,740 -What do you mean? Well, tell me what you... 335 00:14:33,840 --> 00:14:35,680 -You’re moving product from A to B? 336 00:14:35,770 --> 00:14:37,270 You’re filibustering. You’re... 337 00:14:37,380 --> 00:14:39,250 -There’s not much more to it, I’m sorry. 338 00:14:39,350 --> 00:14:41,620 -Well, there is more to it. 339 00:14:41,710 --> 00:14:43,880 NARRATION: My dad managed the distribution 340 00:14:43,980 --> 00:14:46,480 of thousands of pounds of marijuana and hashish. 341 00:14:46,590 --> 00:14:47,720 MICHAEL: Well, no, but, you know, 342 00:14:47,820 --> 00:14:49,720 I need you to talk about this stuff. 343 00:14:51,120 --> 00:14:53,160 NARRATION: When Uncle Allan left the business, 344 00:14:53,260 --> 00:14:55,800 my dad expanded. 345 00:14:55,900 --> 00:15:00,410 He was importing product from Mexico, Nepal, Afghanistan. 346 00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:03,270 But as his operation expanded, 347 00:15:03,370 --> 00:15:06,070 so did the danger. 348 00:15:06,170 --> 00:15:09,270 In the ’90s, marijuana and hashish were prosecuted 349 00:15:09,380 --> 00:15:11,780 like cocaine and heroin are now. 350 00:15:11,880 --> 00:15:14,380 Sentences could range from several years 351 00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:16,650 to life in prison. 352 00:15:16,750 --> 00:15:20,420 Watching his back 24/7 affected him. 353 00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:22,060 MOM: He was paranoid. 354 00:15:22,150 --> 00:15:23,390 This particular night, 355 00:15:23,490 --> 00:15:25,830 your father was really freaking out. 356 00:15:27,330 --> 00:15:29,370 He felt like there was a threat. 357 00:15:29,460 --> 00:15:33,560 We dragged the mattress down the stairs 358 00:15:33,670 --> 00:15:35,770 into our living room 359 00:15:35,870 --> 00:15:39,140 because he just wanted to make sure that he could hear 360 00:15:39,240 --> 00:15:40,640 anybody breaking in. 361 00:15:42,440 --> 00:15:47,210 -I could feel the amount of tension at home. 362 00:15:47,310 --> 00:15:48,880 Like, what are we trying to keep out? 363 00:15:50,350 --> 00:15:52,520 NARRATION: By the time I was old enough to understand 364 00:15:52,620 --> 00:15:54,360 some of what was going on, 365 00:15:54,450 --> 00:15:56,650 I was hearing whispers at family events. 366 00:15:57,760 --> 00:15:59,630 -This conversation is censored. 367 00:15:59,730 --> 00:16:01,470 NARRATION: The secrecy started early 368 00:16:01,560 --> 00:16:03,400 in my parents’ relationship. 369 00:16:03,500 --> 00:16:06,470 And one day, my dad just disappeared. 370 00:16:07,700 --> 00:16:10,600 MOM: It was probably a few months into dating, 371 00:16:10,700 --> 00:16:13,240 and then I don’t hear from him. 372 00:16:13,340 --> 00:16:16,040 He fell off the face of the Earth. 373 00:16:16,140 --> 00:16:17,210 -Tell me about that. 374 00:16:17,310 --> 00:16:20,380 -That is the question you need to ask your father. 375 00:16:21,910 --> 00:16:24,150 -Can you tell me about the time that you disappeared? 376 00:16:27,150 --> 00:16:28,820 -No. Absolutely not. 377 00:16:31,590 --> 00:16:34,590 NARRATION: I decide not to push my dad on this. 378 00:16:34,690 --> 00:16:37,090 Instead, he offers to show me what a typical work day 379 00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:38,540 looked like. 380 00:16:38,630 --> 00:16:40,170 MICHAEL: You leave the house, you get up. 381 00:16:40,270 --> 00:16:41,270 DAD: Yeah. 382 00:16:41,370 --> 00:16:42,500 -What’s your morning routine? 383 00:16:42,600 --> 00:16:44,700 -If I was doing a delivery, I’d go to the garage, 384 00:16:44,800 --> 00:16:46,270 and I’d pick up what I needed. 385 00:16:46,370 --> 00:16:47,610 -Garage? -That’s right. 386 00:16:50,010 --> 00:16:51,710 NARRATION: My dad had two garages 387 00:16:51,810 --> 00:16:54,150 and another car we didn’t know about. 388 00:16:54,250 --> 00:16:55,080 DAD: Right there. 389 00:16:55,180 --> 00:16:56,580 MICHAEL: So, that’s a pretty big size. 390 00:16:56,680 --> 00:16:58,680 -Yeah. I come in early morning, 391 00:16:58,780 --> 00:17:02,250 I park, and I do my thing inside. 392 00:17:02,350 --> 00:17:03,320 -Then what? 393 00:17:03,420 --> 00:17:04,690 -Trains, planes, and automobiles. 394 00:17:04,790 --> 00:17:08,090 -Can you give me the-- sort of the quick play-by-play, 395 00:17:08,190 --> 00:17:09,560 the run-through? 396 00:17:09,660 --> 00:17:11,930 NARRATION: It turns out, he can. 397 00:17:12,030 --> 00:17:13,870 -Um... 398 00:17:13,970 --> 00:17:15,610 ♪ 399 00:17:15,700 --> 00:17:18,470 DAD: There’s always somebody bringing in product 400 00:17:18,570 --> 00:17:21,870 from Pakistan, from Thailand, from Mexico. 401 00:17:22,980 --> 00:17:24,880 Somebody had a load come in. 402 00:17:24,980 --> 00:17:26,110 We figured, 403 00:17:26,210 --> 00:17:29,050 "How are we gonna get that back to Canada in two days?" 404 00:17:29,150 --> 00:17:32,220 And so we ended up leasing a corporate jet. 405 00:17:32,320 --> 00:17:34,220 ♪ 406 00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:37,660 NARRATION: Dad starts telling me what he did, in detail. 407 00:17:37,760 --> 00:17:40,900 He wants me to know how good he was at his job. 408 00:17:40,990 --> 00:17:43,190 -They called me Swift Arrow. 409 00:17:43,300 --> 00:17:45,870 "This guy’s, like, you know, just as fast as an arrow." 410 00:17:45,960 --> 00:17:47,530 ♪ 411 00:17:47,630 --> 00:17:51,130 DAD: I was playing a role, and I got good at it. 412 00:17:51,240 --> 00:17:53,710 In fact, people said to me, "You look like a narc." 413 00:17:53,810 --> 00:17:56,750 I said, "That’s great." I said, "It’s working." 414 00:17:56,840 --> 00:17:58,040 A week or two weeks later, 415 00:17:58,140 --> 00:17:59,880 I’d get a call from somebody to meet me, 416 00:17:59,980 --> 00:18:02,150 and I’d have a bundle of money. 417 00:18:02,250 --> 00:18:04,490 Then I’d go home and relax, you know? 418 00:18:04,580 --> 00:18:06,050 Dad’s back, and all of a sudden, 419 00:18:06,150 --> 00:18:09,050 we’re packing our bags to the islands. 420 00:18:09,150 --> 00:18:11,220 A lot of the people I worked with were married 421 00:18:11,320 --> 00:18:13,090 or had families and kids. 422 00:18:13,190 --> 00:18:16,290 And we’d come back and we’d pick up where we left off. 423 00:18:16,400 --> 00:18:21,240 ♪ 424 00:18:21,330 --> 00:18:22,800 And of course, there were stressful times, 425 00:18:22,900 --> 00:18:24,970 like the time that I ran into a store 426 00:18:25,070 --> 00:18:27,310 to get something Mom asked me to get, 427 00:18:27,410 --> 00:18:28,580 and I look... 428 00:18:28,670 --> 00:18:31,940 The car is on the back of a tow truck 429 00:18:32,040 --> 00:18:35,580 with about $350,000 of cash in it. 430 00:18:35,680 --> 00:18:37,380 That caused some stress. 431 00:18:37,480 --> 00:18:38,950 But I got it back. 432 00:18:39,050 --> 00:18:42,650 ♪ 433 00:18:42,750 --> 00:18:44,620 [plane engine roaring] 434 00:18:47,360 --> 00:18:48,860 [children shouting] 435 00:18:48,960 --> 00:18:52,360 CHILDREN: Five, four, three, 436 00:18:52,460 --> 00:18:55,230 two, one! 437 00:18:55,330 --> 00:18:58,370 [plane engine roaring] 438 00:18:58,470 --> 00:18:59,670 MICHAEL: I just want to know 439 00:18:59,770 --> 00:19:01,770 what risk it was to us, you know? 440 00:19:01,870 --> 00:19:03,810 -Yeah, well, I’m trying to tell you the risks. 441 00:19:03,910 --> 00:19:06,280 So, everything that I’m telling you about how I operated 442 00:19:06,380 --> 00:19:09,820 my business, I kept everybody in the family safe. 443 00:19:09,920 --> 00:19:11,790 So I must have done a good job. 444 00:19:12,920 --> 00:19:14,390 ELLIOT: He might be bending certain things 445 00:19:14,490 --> 00:19:16,760 to make it seem less intense. 446 00:19:16,860 --> 00:19:18,730 Or maybe he’s even tricked himself into thinking 447 00:19:18,820 --> 00:19:20,420 things are less serious than they are. 448 00:19:20,530 --> 00:19:22,630 -Aside from my paranoia, 449 00:19:22,730 --> 00:19:24,670 you didn’t know or see things that happened. 450 00:19:24,760 --> 00:19:26,200 I was just a little jumpy. 451 00:19:26,300 --> 00:19:28,700 -No, but you answered the door with weapons sometimes; 452 00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:30,470 you’d reach for some blunt object. 453 00:19:30,570 --> 00:19:32,040 -Well, how often did that happen? 454 00:19:32,140 --> 00:19:34,140 -It felt like a feature of my childhood. 455 00:19:34,240 --> 00:19:35,270 -[scoffs] No. 456 00:19:35,370 --> 00:19:36,470 -I saw it happen. 457 00:19:36,580 --> 00:19:39,050 -What I’m saying is that some of the chaos that went on 458 00:19:39,140 --> 00:19:40,880 in my business, I never brought that home. 459 00:19:40,980 --> 00:19:42,980 -You don’t think you brought it home, but you did. 460 00:19:43,080 --> 00:19:45,350 -No, you don’t know chaos until you’ve been in my business 461 00:19:45,450 --> 00:19:46,750 with the shit that went down. 462 00:19:46,850 --> 00:19:48,120 You have no idea. 463 00:19:49,560 --> 00:19:52,600 NARRATION: That disappearance my mom talked about, 464 00:19:52,690 --> 00:19:55,160 my dad tells me he was kidnapped. 465 00:19:55,260 --> 00:19:57,400 -I was, you know... 466 00:19:57,500 --> 00:20:00,170 abducted by bikers. 467 00:20:00,270 --> 00:20:03,470 {\an8} -He never told me that till we had been married. 468 00:20:03,570 --> 00:20:04,700 {\an8}NARRATION: Around about the time 469 00:20:04,800 --> 00:20:06,000 {\an8}he started dating my mom , 470 00:20:06,100 --> 00:20:07,870 he travelled to upstate New York 471 00:20:07,970 --> 00:20:09,910 to pay an associate’s debt. 472 00:20:10,010 --> 00:20:12,650 The bikers wanted more than he had on him, 473 00:20:12,740 --> 00:20:14,380 so they took him hostage. 474 00:20:14,480 --> 00:20:17,050 DAD: For three days, I was chained up in a closet. 475 00:20:17,150 --> 00:20:20,450 I was expecting that to be the end of my life. 476 00:20:20,550 --> 00:20:22,690 They took me to a payphone, 477 00:20:22,790 --> 00:20:24,760 and I’m making phone calls to people I know. 478 00:20:24,860 --> 00:20:27,730 The last person said, "Yeah, sorry, buddy, 479 00:20:27,830 --> 00:20:30,130 "but I can’t help you." 480 00:20:30,230 --> 00:20:34,270 And as soon as I heard that, and I realized this was the end, 481 00:20:34,370 --> 00:20:36,840 that there was no way I was gonna get out of this, 482 00:20:36,940 --> 00:20:38,510 they probably were gonna kill me, 483 00:20:38,600 --> 00:20:40,100 I just dropped the phone and ran. 484 00:20:41,470 --> 00:20:43,840 I didn’t care what they were gonna shoot me or whatever; 485 00:20:43,940 --> 00:20:45,610 I was just running. 486 00:20:45,710 --> 00:20:46,980 -And then I heard the car. 487 00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:49,320 "I gotta get the hell off this road." 488 00:20:49,410 --> 00:20:52,350 I saw a hill. There’s a house up there. 489 00:20:52,450 --> 00:20:53,720 I started banging on the door, 490 00:20:53,820 --> 00:20:55,690 screaming for somebody to let me in. 491 00:20:55,790 --> 00:20:57,930 And the bikers, they pulled up the driveway. 492 00:20:59,320 --> 00:21:00,820 And I’m yelling, "They’re gonna kill us! 493 00:21:00,930 --> 00:21:02,670 "Call the police! They’re gonna kill us!" 494 00:21:02,760 --> 00:21:07,200 Somebody gets out of the car and grabs me by the waist, 495 00:21:07,300 --> 00:21:10,970 and they’re pulling me, and I’m hanging on to the frame. 496 00:21:11,070 --> 00:21:13,740 Then the owner of the house comes out with a poker 497 00:21:13,840 --> 00:21:16,110 from his fireplace, 498 00:21:16,210 --> 00:21:19,710 and he’s hitting the biker, trying to get him off me. 499 00:21:19,810 --> 00:21:21,250 He’s, like, trying to save me. 500 00:21:21,350 --> 00:21:22,920 [distant sirens] 501 00:21:23,020 --> 00:21:25,390 MAN: Come on! Run! 502 00:21:25,480 --> 00:21:27,050 MAN 2: Let’s go! 503 00:21:27,150 --> 00:21:28,950 -If you hadn’t have gotten out of that situation, 504 00:21:29,050 --> 00:21:30,320 then we wouldn’t be here. 505 00:21:30,420 --> 00:21:31,450 -That’s correct. 506 00:21:33,790 --> 00:21:36,830 NARRATION: My dad’s kidnapping governed my parents’ behaviour 507 00:21:36,930 --> 00:21:39,270 for the next 40 years. 508 00:21:39,360 --> 00:21:42,960 MOM: We were so diligent in watching over you kids. 509 00:21:44,240 --> 00:21:47,210 And, see, we thought that we were sheltering 510 00:21:47,310 --> 00:21:48,750 the three of you. 511 00:21:48,840 --> 00:21:50,480 But you felt it. 512 00:21:51,940 --> 00:21:54,940 MELISSA: As a parent, to think that that’s what was happening, 513 00:21:55,050 --> 00:21:57,250 I thought, "Honestly, like, how dare you?" 514 00:21:57,350 --> 00:22:02,420 If he was gonna get taken, how would the family survive? 515 00:22:02,520 --> 00:22:04,060 How would Mom survive? 516 00:22:04,160 --> 00:22:07,200 DAD: 454 technically is a correct pound. 517 00:22:07,290 --> 00:22:09,990 They always bust you on a Thursday night 518 00:22:10,100 --> 00:22:11,370 or a Friday night. 519 00:22:11,460 --> 00:22:13,900 NARRATION: Suddenly I’m getting half a lifetime’s worth 520 00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:15,740 of overdue parental advice. 521 00:22:15,830 --> 00:22:17,300 DAD: If you’re being tailed by somebody, 522 00:22:17,400 --> 00:22:19,340 then you’re being tailed by a group of people. 523 00:22:19,440 --> 00:22:20,570 MICHAEL: Right. 524 00:22:20,670 --> 00:22:23,940 NARRATION: Except it’s a crash course in smuggling. 525 00:22:24,040 --> 00:22:26,510 I think I’ve convinced my dad that making this movie 526 00:22:26,610 --> 00:22:29,610 will fix our family’s problems. 527 00:22:29,720 --> 00:22:32,760 I may have convinced myself. 528 00:22:32,850 --> 00:22:37,290 But Elliot thinks our problems go way beyond Dad’s secret. 529 00:22:37,390 --> 00:22:40,490 -The secret is not so much what I was concerned with. 530 00:22:40,590 --> 00:22:42,960 For me, it was more related 531 00:22:43,060 --> 00:22:45,300 to just my relationship with Dad. 532 00:22:45,400 --> 00:22:46,230 -Right. 533 00:22:46,330 --> 00:22:48,270 -Because I don’t trust him emotionally. 534 00:22:54,710 --> 00:22:57,150 NARRATION: Mel thinks Elliot’s right. 535 00:22:57,240 --> 00:22:59,210 It’s not about the secret. 536 00:22:59,310 --> 00:23:01,110 It’s about something else. 537 00:23:01,210 --> 00:23:04,810 -It’s so hard to crack this, like, armored layer that he has. 538 00:23:04,920 --> 00:23:07,860 And he does it for everybody externally out of the house, 539 00:23:07,950 --> 00:23:10,120 but unfortunately, he does it with his own kids. 540 00:23:11,360 --> 00:23:13,430 ELLIOT: Yeah, it’s like he’s made a really good 541 00:23:13,530 --> 00:23:15,300 version of himself. 542 00:23:15,390 --> 00:23:19,230 And so it’s like, well, what is like the real person there? 543 00:23:19,330 --> 00:23:22,130 NARRATION: It’s not that Dad had secrets. 544 00:23:22,230 --> 00:23:25,400 It’s about what keeping those secrets did to him. 545 00:23:25,500 --> 00:23:27,670 ELLIOT: I think it’s normal to be angry, 546 00:23:27,770 --> 00:23:30,640 but the way it was externalized, 547 00:23:30,740 --> 00:23:32,710 it was just, like, explosive. 548 00:23:32,810 --> 00:23:34,080 [child yelling] 549 00:23:34,180 --> 00:23:37,080 MOM: A lot of it was incredible shouting. 550 00:23:37,180 --> 00:23:40,320 ELLIOT: I had, like, a little blanket that I coveted. 551 00:23:40,420 --> 00:23:41,720 Dad was mad... 552 00:23:43,050 --> 00:23:47,150 Took my blanket and ripped it to pieces in front of me. 553 00:23:48,490 --> 00:23:51,430 {\an8}I can try, but I would be dishonest with myself 554 00:23:51,530 --> 00:23:53,900 {\an8}if I thought I could, like, fully trust this person. 555 00:23:55,130 --> 00:23:56,700 MELISSA: The temper that Dad carried, 556 00:23:56,800 --> 00:23:59,070 it was so big in the house. 557 00:23:59,170 --> 00:24:01,540 You didn’t want to do anything that was going to push that 558 00:24:01,640 --> 00:24:02,770 to the next level. 559 00:24:02,870 --> 00:24:06,370 So, Mom and Dad were out; I would go around and tidy. 560 00:24:06,480 --> 00:24:08,980 This was my way of feeling like I could control something. 561 00:24:09,080 --> 00:24:10,420 -Control the chaos. 562 00:24:10,520 --> 00:24:11,620 -That’s right. 563 00:24:11,720 --> 00:24:15,460 -You got the brunt of it because you kind of push, 564 00:24:15,550 --> 00:24:17,550 you know, the boundaries. 565 00:24:17,660 --> 00:24:19,500 -Do you think we got along? 566 00:24:19,590 --> 00:24:22,590 -We didn’t get along during your teen years, 567 00:24:22,690 --> 00:24:24,060 but that was because you were-- 568 00:24:24,160 --> 00:24:26,000 you were acting out as a teenager. 569 00:24:26,100 --> 00:24:28,040 -You think it was ’cause I was acting out? 570 00:24:28,130 --> 00:24:30,130 -Well, it wasn’t my fault that you went all goth. 571 00:24:30,240 --> 00:24:31,940 -Dad, you were trying to kick me out 572 00:24:32,040 --> 00:24:34,840 since I was 13 years old. 573 00:24:34,940 --> 00:24:36,140 NARRATION: He’d kick me out, 574 00:24:36,240 --> 00:24:37,940 and my mom would let me back in. 575 00:24:38,040 --> 00:24:40,340 Then, at 22, I just didn’t go back. 576 00:24:41,510 --> 00:24:43,580 I moved in with my indie rock band 577 00:24:43,680 --> 00:24:46,120 and we hit the road. 578 00:24:46,220 --> 00:24:47,460 It wasn’t stable... 579 00:24:47,550 --> 00:24:48,920 -Breakfast! 580 00:24:49,020 --> 00:24:50,820 NARRATION: But I was free. 581 00:24:50,920 --> 00:24:53,560 [rock music] 582 00:24:53,660 --> 00:24:55,460 -I do remember you coming back and saying, 583 00:24:55,560 --> 00:24:57,460 "Thank you for that because it really helped me." 584 00:24:57,560 --> 00:24:59,300 -I know you don’t want to go there. 585 00:24:59,400 --> 00:25:01,040 -What do you mean? Is that not true? 586 00:25:01,130 --> 00:25:02,470 -We’re at each other a lot. 587 00:25:02,570 --> 00:25:04,670 -I know, but is this about our relationship? 588 00:25:04,770 --> 00:25:07,940 ♪ 589 00:25:08,040 --> 00:25:10,110 MICHAEL: Did you ever ask Melanie and Elliot 590 00:25:10,210 --> 00:25:12,580 how they felt growing up in those circumstances? 591 00:25:12,680 --> 00:25:16,050 -Melanie’s a really tough egg to crack. 592 00:25:16,150 --> 00:25:17,520 I can’t talk to her about anything. 593 00:25:17,620 --> 00:25:19,390 Or she doesn’t even hear me, you know? 594 00:25:19,480 --> 00:25:21,350 -But don’t you think that might have to do 595 00:25:21,450 --> 00:25:23,190 that she’s got some feelings about it? 596 00:25:23,290 --> 00:25:26,360 -Well, there’s no-- I don’t know what else I could do. 597 00:25:26,460 --> 00:25:32,170 MELISSA: If Dad really wants to truly repair his relationship, 598 00:25:32,260 --> 00:25:35,260 have the last chapter of his life 599 00:25:35,370 --> 00:25:37,640 to be the most authentic chapter... 600 00:25:39,640 --> 00:25:43,480 then he needs to stop pretending. 601 00:25:44,610 --> 00:25:49,350 ♪ 602 00:25:49,450 --> 00:25:52,350 MOM: I suffer from cervical dystonia. 603 00:25:54,190 --> 00:25:56,930 The involuntary muscle contractions 604 00:25:57,020 --> 00:26:02,260 of my neck and tremoring. 605 00:26:03,360 --> 00:26:05,960 I have to have injections every two months 606 00:26:06,060 --> 00:26:08,160 so I can be free of the pain. 607 00:26:09,230 --> 00:26:11,300 DOCTOR: Turn a little bit to the right. 608 00:26:11,400 --> 00:26:13,500 -Ah... -Your head. 609 00:26:13,610 --> 00:26:14,540 -I’m trying. 610 00:26:14,640 --> 00:26:15,470 [sighs] 611 00:26:17,840 --> 00:26:19,640 MICHAEL: I’m worried about you. 612 00:26:19,740 --> 00:26:21,210 -Mm. 613 00:26:21,310 --> 00:26:24,810 -A few years ago, you were in a really dark place. 614 00:26:24,920 --> 00:26:26,290 -Yep. 615 00:26:26,380 --> 00:26:31,490 My life is just running from different fears. 616 00:26:31,590 --> 00:26:33,830 It was hard, just holding the secret. 617 00:26:33,930 --> 00:26:35,300 It was too difficult. 618 00:26:35,390 --> 00:26:38,530 I felt like "I don’t want to be here." 619 00:26:38,630 --> 00:26:40,830 If it were all over, 620 00:26:40,930 --> 00:26:43,270 I’d be out of all the challenges. 621 00:26:44,570 --> 00:26:46,710 I wouldn’t have to face them anymore. 622 00:26:48,510 --> 00:26:50,250 NARRATION: When my siblings and I realized 623 00:26:50,340 --> 00:26:51,240 what was happening, 624 00:26:51,340 --> 00:26:53,340 we got our mom help. 625 00:26:53,450 --> 00:26:55,320 She saw a doctor who recommended 626 00:26:55,410 --> 00:26:57,750 cognitive behavioural therapy. 627 00:26:57,850 --> 00:27:01,090 And slowly, she got back on her feet. 628 00:27:01,190 --> 00:27:03,290 ELLIOT: [video] So, can I have the other half? 629 00:27:03,390 --> 00:27:05,160 NARRATION: My dad is a smart guy. 630 00:27:05,260 --> 00:27:07,130 He knew we were all having problems. 631 00:27:08,560 --> 00:27:11,630 He even knew where his problems came from. 632 00:27:11,730 --> 00:27:14,400 They didn’t all come from dealing drugs. 633 00:27:14,500 --> 00:27:16,500 [static] 634 00:27:16,600 --> 00:27:20,570 DAD: My father was a straight arrow. 635 00:27:20,670 --> 00:27:22,240 Everybody liked him. 636 00:27:22,340 --> 00:27:23,710 I couldn’t stand him. 637 00:27:23,810 --> 00:27:25,380 I hated him. 638 00:27:25,480 --> 00:27:27,150 You know, he used to hit me. 639 00:27:28,380 --> 00:27:30,350 He humiliated me. 640 00:27:30,450 --> 00:27:32,550 If there was something you said he didn’t like, 641 00:27:32,650 --> 00:27:36,820 that right hand went out and slap across the face. 642 00:27:38,160 --> 00:27:41,100 I was on pins and needles always with him, 643 00:27:41,190 --> 00:27:43,630 what to say and not to say. 644 00:27:43,730 --> 00:27:47,200 I realized I could not handle school. 645 00:27:47,300 --> 00:27:49,300 I couldn’t even, like, read assignments. 646 00:27:50,900 --> 00:27:52,970 I was picked on, I was beaten up. 647 00:27:53,070 --> 00:27:54,710 They called me "Dirty Jew," 648 00:27:54,810 --> 00:27:55,810 and... yeah. 649 00:27:55,910 --> 00:27:58,280 Oh, yeah, they had all sorts of things to say. 650 00:28:00,010 --> 00:28:02,180 So I ran away to join the ballet. 651 00:28:03,580 --> 00:28:05,120 NARRATION: If you can believe it, 652 00:28:05,220 --> 00:28:07,320 my dad’s first passion was dance. 653 00:28:09,250 --> 00:28:10,990 DAD: Like, when they say somebody runs away 654 00:28:11,090 --> 00:28:13,330 to join the circus, that’s what I did. 655 00:28:13,430 --> 00:28:14,830 Yeah, never looked back. 656 00:28:19,230 --> 00:28:22,270 ["Waltz" from Swan Lake ] 657 00:28:22,370 --> 00:28:25,210 DAD: I found a family that embraced me, 658 00:28:25,300 --> 00:28:28,300 that didn’t judge me at all. 659 00:28:28,410 --> 00:28:30,880 Over time, I started transforming myself. 660 00:28:32,080 --> 00:28:34,220 It’s the first time I was actually doing something 661 00:28:34,310 --> 00:28:36,550 where I was achieving a goal. 662 00:28:36,650 --> 00:28:40,150 The one big one that stood out was doing The Ed Sullivan Show. 663 00:28:40,250 --> 00:28:41,990 I was 15. 664 00:28:42,090 --> 00:28:44,530 It was really exciting. 665 00:28:44,620 --> 00:28:46,360 And then... 666 00:28:46,460 --> 00:28:47,900 I ended up injuring myself. 667 00:28:47,990 --> 00:28:49,190 [thunder clap] 668 00:28:51,300 --> 00:28:52,540 I could barely walk. 669 00:28:54,100 --> 00:28:55,470 I didn’t want to accept it, right? 670 00:28:55,570 --> 00:28:57,770 I really needed to get it operated on, 671 00:28:57,870 --> 00:28:59,910 but I couldn’t do it. I guess I was afraid. 672 00:29:01,410 --> 00:29:03,350 {\an8}I wasn’t dealing with the problem; 673 00:29:03,440 --> 00:29:05,710 I was running away from it. 674 00:29:05,810 --> 00:29:08,980 I knew that I can’t do it, that I can’t dance. 675 00:29:09,080 --> 00:29:11,020 And I left. 676 00:29:11,120 --> 00:29:13,020 Yeah, it was... 677 00:29:13,120 --> 00:29:14,490 a kick to my ego. 678 00:29:14,590 --> 00:29:16,490 My soul, really, because I loved dance; 679 00:29:16,590 --> 00:29:19,090 it was my whole life. 680 00:29:19,190 --> 00:29:22,460 My career ended after only seven years. 681 00:29:25,900 --> 00:29:27,540 DAD: And then... 682 00:29:27,630 --> 00:29:29,830 Allan popped into my life. 683 00:29:29,930 --> 00:29:32,800 He made me an offer I couldn’t refuse. 684 00:29:34,110 --> 00:29:36,050 MICHAEL: Why didn’t you stop? 685 00:29:36,140 --> 00:29:37,580 Take the safer route? 686 00:29:37,680 --> 00:29:39,320 -It’s all I knew how to do. 687 00:29:39,410 --> 00:29:41,610 And at the same time, I also believed in it. 688 00:29:41,710 --> 00:29:45,810 So I was kind of like a minor crusader at the time. 689 00:29:45,920 --> 00:29:48,190 I thought it should be legal, and it shouldn’t 690 00:29:48,290 --> 00:29:49,560 be anybody else’s business. 691 00:29:49,650 --> 00:29:51,390 -I don’t agree with it. 692 00:29:51,490 --> 00:29:53,960 Now it’s spoken of as being legal, 693 00:29:54,060 --> 00:29:56,500 but that’s now, that’s today. That’s present day. 694 00:29:56,590 --> 00:30:00,030 There’s such a sense of pride that he carries 695 00:30:00,130 --> 00:30:03,530 about what he did, a dismissal of 696 00:30:03,640 --> 00:30:06,340 how this has affected the entire family. 697 00:30:07,640 --> 00:30:10,310 {\an8}MOM: He was always caught in this quagmire 698 00:30:10,410 --> 00:30:13,510 {\an8}of having to support a family. 699 00:30:13,610 --> 00:30:16,950 He never had confidence in himself to do something else. 700 00:30:18,550 --> 00:30:20,490 BOTH: "Seven Point Cannabis." 701 00:30:21,590 --> 00:30:23,260 -It’s kind of a classy-looking joint. 702 00:30:23,350 --> 00:30:24,620 -Yeah, very. 703 00:30:24,720 --> 00:30:26,520 NARRATION: My dad quit the business 704 00:30:26,620 --> 00:30:28,660 years before legalization. 705 00:30:28,760 --> 00:30:31,830 MOM: Eventually, your dad wanted out. 706 00:30:31,930 --> 00:30:33,830 DAD: The bad elements started moving in. 707 00:30:33,930 --> 00:30:36,070 The bikers, the Mafia. 708 00:30:36,170 --> 00:30:38,770 Man, I don’t want to be in this business anymore. 709 00:30:38,870 --> 00:30:40,440 [soft guitar music] 710 00:30:40,540 --> 00:30:42,610 NARRATION: When my dad opens up about his past, 711 00:30:42,710 --> 00:30:44,010 I can empathize with him. 712 00:30:45,910 --> 00:30:47,010 I can identify. 713 00:30:48,910 --> 00:30:50,010 And I’m not alone. 714 00:30:51,750 --> 00:30:55,490 MELISSA: I’m very hard on myself when that temper comes out. 715 00:30:55,590 --> 00:30:58,290 And unfortunately, it happens with, you know, 716 00:30:58,390 --> 00:31:00,690 partners that I’ve been with. 717 00:31:00,790 --> 00:31:03,230 Yeah, that’s a side of me that I don’t-- 718 00:31:03,330 --> 00:31:04,830 I really don’t like. 719 00:31:04,930 --> 00:31:05,830 -Mm-hm. 720 00:31:07,370 --> 00:31:08,870 I don’t have it at all. 721 00:31:08,970 --> 00:31:10,510 -[laughs] 722 00:31:10,600 --> 00:31:12,300 -And I also feel horrible about it, 723 00:31:12,400 --> 00:31:14,670 and I’m trying really hard. 724 00:31:14,770 --> 00:31:16,010 -Same. 725 00:31:16,110 --> 00:31:18,280 NARRATION: Both my sister and I have carried our tempers 726 00:31:18,380 --> 00:31:19,850 into our adult lives. 727 00:31:22,110 --> 00:31:23,950 We want to be better. 728 00:31:24,050 --> 00:31:27,790 There’s a strange comfort in saying it all out loud, 729 00:31:27,890 --> 00:31:30,930 and I wonder why we haven’t all sat down to talk. 730 00:31:32,720 --> 00:31:34,890 What I was saying before about Melanie and Elliot, 731 00:31:34,990 --> 00:31:36,330 we haven’t sat down... 732 00:31:36,430 --> 00:31:37,460 -That’s right. 733 00:31:37,560 --> 00:31:39,130 -...and talked about this as a family. 734 00:31:39,230 --> 00:31:40,130 -I know. I know that. 735 00:31:40,230 --> 00:31:42,470 -At all. -No. 736 00:31:42,570 --> 00:31:46,470 The two of them are so hard to get through to. 737 00:31:46,570 --> 00:31:48,840 MICHAEL: I just think if you open the door to them 738 00:31:48,940 --> 00:31:51,810 and just say, "I want to talk, I want to hear from you, 739 00:31:51,910 --> 00:31:54,650 "I want to know what you think, and I want to just listen," 740 00:31:54,750 --> 00:31:56,550 I think that would be really powerful. 741 00:32:05,190 --> 00:32:06,790 -Yeah, I think it would be good. 742 00:32:08,860 --> 00:32:11,100 NARRATION: But... we weren’t good. 743 00:32:12,230 --> 00:32:14,900 ♪ 744 00:32:15,000 --> 00:32:15,970 [static] 745 00:32:16,070 --> 00:32:17,640 [line trilling] 746 00:32:17,740 --> 00:32:21,110 -After a crew member misplaces my dad’s car keys, 747 00:32:21,210 --> 00:32:23,280 my dad loses his temper... 748 00:32:23,370 --> 00:32:24,470 and quits the film. 749 00:32:25,980 --> 00:32:26,910 [cell phone ringing] 750 00:32:27,010 --> 00:32:27,780 MICHAEL: Oh, it’s him. 751 00:32:29,450 --> 00:32:30,480 {\an8}Hello? 752 00:32:34,320 --> 00:32:36,020 {\an8}-What didn’t I understand about what-- 753 00:32:38,760 --> 00:32:40,430 {\an8}-They’re on their way right now, Dad. 754 00:32:42,760 --> 00:32:44,730 [dogs barking in distance] 755 00:33:19,100 --> 00:33:21,770 NARRATION: I’m not sure I want this anymore. 756 00:33:26,800 --> 00:33:29,040 MELISSA: [phone] You’re never going to feel the closeness 757 00:33:29,140 --> 00:33:31,310 that you think you have with your children. 758 00:33:31,410 --> 00:33:34,210 And if you want to take that to your grave, be my guest, buddy. 759 00:33:34,310 --> 00:33:36,080 MICHAEL: [sighs] Now I feel foolish 760 00:33:36,180 --> 00:33:37,750 because Dad will never change. 761 00:33:37,850 --> 00:33:40,450 MELISSA: But Michael, there’s nothing you can do about it. 762 00:33:40,550 --> 00:33:43,190 MICHAEL: I actually think if Mom wasn’t around, 763 00:33:43,290 --> 00:33:45,060 he probably would never call us. 764 00:33:45,160 --> 00:33:47,030 MELISSA: He wouldn’t. 765 00:33:47,130 --> 00:33:49,600 NARRATION: This is always the risk with my father. 766 00:33:49,690 --> 00:33:52,060 If you push him too hard, he walks away. 767 00:33:53,230 --> 00:33:55,430 It’s like disappearing is how he survives. 768 00:33:56,700 --> 00:33:59,740 He’s done it with Damian, my older half-brother 769 00:33:59,840 --> 00:34:01,340 from my father’s first marriage. 770 00:34:01,440 --> 00:34:03,740 MOM: [video] Merry Christmas, guys! 771 00:34:03,840 --> 00:34:06,810 -They have a very complicated relationship. 772 00:34:06,910 --> 00:34:09,380 NARRATION: My father supported Damian financially, 773 00:34:09,480 --> 00:34:11,980 though they’ve sometimes been estranged. 774 00:34:12,080 --> 00:34:14,980 MICHAEL: When I was a kid, I asked him what you did. 775 00:34:15,090 --> 00:34:16,560 DAD: And what did he say? 776 00:34:16,650 --> 00:34:18,250 MICHAEL: "I don’t know what Dad does." 777 00:34:18,360 --> 00:34:19,730 -Right, so, and he still doesn’t. 778 00:34:19,820 --> 00:34:22,120 -Why haven’t you told him yet, though? 779 00:34:22,230 --> 00:34:25,200 -I don’t consider him part of this family. 780 00:34:25,300 --> 00:34:26,740 -But he is your son, and surely-- 781 00:34:26,830 --> 00:34:28,700 -Yeah, but he wasn’t part of my life. 782 00:34:28,800 --> 00:34:30,100 He was a distant relative, really. 783 00:34:30,200 --> 00:34:32,440 It’s not the same dynamics, and I certainly 784 00:34:32,540 --> 00:34:34,710 wouldn’t have told him before I told you guys. 785 00:34:34,810 --> 00:34:36,310 MICHAEL: Would you consider telling him now? 786 00:34:36,410 --> 00:34:40,450 -I have no reason to tell him outright. 787 00:34:40,550 --> 00:34:42,020 NARRATION: I can relate to Damian. 788 00:34:42,610 --> 00:34:43,780 My dad blows up, 789 00:34:43,880 --> 00:34:46,720 and then it’s like it never happened. 790 00:34:46,820 --> 00:34:47,990 It’s his pattern. 791 00:34:48,090 --> 00:34:51,230 ♪ 792 00:34:51,320 --> 00:34:54,860 DAD: Were you expecting something to come out of this? 793 00:34:54,960 --> 00:34:56,360 What were you thinking? 794 00:34:56,460 --> 00:34:59,000 MICHAEL: I was hoping to, like, come out of it feeling closer. 795 00:34:59,100 --> 00:35:00,340 -A-ha. 796 00:35:00,430 --> 00:35:03,600 -I thought it was happening, and then we had that blow-up. 797 00:35:03,700 --> 00:35:07,240 -[laughs] Yeah, that blow-up just had... 798 00:35:07,340 --> 00:35:12,810 All that had to do with just me panicking on losing control. 799 00:35:12,910 --> 00:35:14,750 And I’m sorry I took it out on you, 800 00:35:14,850 --> 00:35:16,920 but it was really me I was angry at. 801 00:35:17,010 --> 00:35:18,850 MICHAEL: It reminded me of, like, old Dad. 802 00:35:18,950 --> 00:35:20,590 -The old days? -It scared me. 803 00:35:20,690 --> 00:35:22,690 -That won’t happen again. Trust me. 804 00:35:22,790 --> 00:35:24,890 -Listen, I want to have a relationship with you. 805 00:35:24,990 --> 00:35:27,130 -Yeah, I know. I do, too. 806 00:35:27,230 --> 00:35:29,970 -Because you and Zaide didn’t really get along very well. 807 00:35:30,060 --> 00:35:33,600 -That’s what also hurts, is when I behave the way I do with you. 808 00:35:33,700 --> 00:35:36,100 He did shit like that, so... 809 00:35:36,200 --> 00:35:41,240 -Is there a way that you could see him as just a person 810 00:35:41,340 --> 00:35:45,040 that’s flawed, like me, like you, in that way? 811 00:35:45,140 --> 00:35:46,040 -Yes, yeah. 812 00:35:46,140 --> 00:35:48,380 -That maybe he also didn’t like himself 813 00:35:48,480 --> 00:35:49,580 when he behaved like that? 814 00:35:49,680 --> 00:35:51,580 -Yes, yeah, yeah. He talked one day-- 815 00:35:51,680 --> 00:35:53,550 I think he was saying to me, he said, 816 00:35:53,650 --> 00:35:55,450 "I’d like to know what it is you do." 817 00:35:55,550 --> 00:35:56,520 MICHAEL: Your dad? 818 00:35:56,620 --> 00:35:58,320 -Yeah, like, "Is there something I could do?" 819 00:35:59,520 --> 00:36:01,990 DAD: He drove product across the border for me. 820 00:36:02,090 --> 00:36:05,160 The best profile is like a senior citizen. 821 00:36:05,260 --> 00:36:08,300 He’d never done anything dishonest in his whole life. 822 00:36:08,400 --> 00:36:11,240 But his reasoning was he wanted to spend some time with me. 823 00:36:12,470 --> 00:36:14,340 MICHAEL: Your dad literally became a drug mule. 824 00:36:14,440 --> 00:36:18,080 He went to those lengths to connect with you. 825 00:36:18,180 --> 00:36:19,780 -Yeah. 826 00:36:19,880 --> 00:36:22,780 And you’re doing this to connect with me? 827 00:36:22,880 --> 00:36:24,680 All right, I get that. 828 00:36:24,780 --> 00:36:26,150 Yeah. 829 00:36:26,250 --> 00:36:28,890 NARRATION: My dad decides to give me back the footage... 830 00:36:28,990 --> 00:36:30,630 -Okay. There you go. 831 00:36:30,720 --> 00:36:31,850 NARRATION: ...while he’s still alive. 832 00:36:31,960 --> 00:36:33,400 -Don’t lose ’em. 833 00:36:33,490 --> 00:36:36,160 ♪ 834 00:36:36,260 --> 00:36:38,960 NARRATION: My siblings agree to talk to my dad, 835 00:36:39,060 --> 00:36:41,630 but only if he’s the one who asks them to. 836 00:36:41,730 --> 00:36:42,900 MELISSA: Am I going first? 837 00:36:43,000 --> 00:36:44,240 NARRATION: He does. 838 00:36:45,940 --> 00:36:47,380 MOM: Hi. MICHAEL: Come on in. 839 00:36:48,840 --> 00:36:50,610 MICHAEL: Mom, do you want to sit over there? 840 00:36:50,710 --> 00:36:52,580 Dad, you can sit here. 841 00:36:52,680 --> 00:36:54,220 I guess I’ll start with... 842 00:36:54,310 --> 00:36:57,050 how are you guys feeling? 843 00:36:57,150 --> 00:36:58,080 -Nervous. 844 00:36:59,650 --> 00:37:01,020 MOM: You know, I really don’t know 845 00:37:01,120 --> 00:37:03,290 how it affected the three of you. 846 00:37:03,390 --> 00:37:05,590 I want to hear that. 847 00:37:05,690 --> 00:37:06,860 -I do have a question. 848 00:37:06,960 --> 00:37:09,130 Were you in it before you met Mom? 849 00:37:09,230 --> 00:37:10,430 -Oh, yeah. 850 00:37:10,530 --> 00:37:11,870 MOM: Yes. DAD: Yeah. 851 00:37:11,960 --> 00:37:13,660 -It was around a month and a half 852 00:37:13,760 --> 00:37:14,930 after we had been dating... 853 00:37:15,030 --> 00:37:17,870 DAD: I sat her down and I told her what I did, 854 00:37:17,970 --> 00:37:20,040 thinking, "Well, that will be the end of that." 855 00:37:20,140 --> 00:37:22,380 [chuckles] Maybe that was your big mistake. 856 00:37:23,980 --> 00:37:25,680 MICHAEL: You never thought, "At some point, 857 00:37:25,780 --> 00:37:27,480 "my kids are probably gonna wanna know, 858 00:37:27,580 --> 00:37:29,820 "’Hey, what did you do for work all these years?’" 859 00:37:29,910 --> 00:37:31,510 -Well, why didn’t you ever ask me? 860 00:37:31,620 --> 00:37:32,550 -We did. -We did. 861 00:37:32,650 --> 00:37:33,680 -Did you? -Yeah. 862 00:37:33,780 --> 00:37:35,220 -No, I don’t even remember you guys 863 00:37:35,320 --> 00:37:36,890 ever coming and confronting me and saying-- 864 00:37:36,990 --> 00:37:38,890 -Well, you don’t remember a lot of things, Dad, 865 00:37:38,990 --> 00:37:40,760 but that happened. Like, that’s the honest truth. 866 00:37:40,860 --> 00:37:42,300 It happened. 867 00:37:42,390 --> 00:37:44,530 The fact that we even had to ask that question 868 00:37:44,630 --> 00:37:46,170 is not common, right? 869 00:37:46,260 --> 00:37:48,960 -It wasn’t a lie to me. It was just protection. 870 00:37:49,070 --> 00:37:51,710 You know, making a bubble around the family, 871 00:37:51,800 --> 00:37:55,600 where there was no risk of that outside world 872 00:37:55,710 --> 00:37:58,150 getting in there and affecting you guys. 873 00:37:58,240 --> 00:38:02,140 -I was so hung up over what you did 874 00:38:02,250 --> 00:38:05,150 that I didn’t want to talk to you about anything. 875 00:38:05,250 --> 00:38:07,290 -MOM: Yeah, I got that vibe. -We got that. 876 00:38:07,390 --> 00:38:10,030 -I was angry that that was a path that you chose, 877 00:38:10,120 --> 00:38:12,120 knowing it could have the potential 878 00:38:12,220 --> 00:38:14,620 of putting your whole family in jeopardy. 879 00:38:14,730 --> 00:38:16,300 -Believe it or not, I believed in it. 880 00:38:16,390 --> 00:38:19,260 I believed the fact that it was illegal was wrong. 881 00:38:19,360 --> 00:38:21,930 Lo and behold, the country legalized it. 882 00:38:22,030 --> 00:38:23,770 They caught up to my thinking. 883 00:38:23,870 --> 00:38:25,870 -I can intellectually understand that, 884 00:38:25,970 --> 00:38:28,870 but I feel like you’re downplaying the risks. 885 00:38:28,970 --> 00:38:32,140 -I went to great lengths to secure our life. 886 00:38:32,240 --> 00:38:34,840 Otherwise, you would have felt the bumps of things 887 00:38:34,950 --> 00:38:36,420 happening a lot, like that were-- 888 00:38:36,510 --> 00:38:38,280 -We did feel the bumps. -No, but nothing specific. 889 00:38:38,380 --> 00:38:40,650 Nobody kicked open the door, you know? 890 00:38:40,750 --> 00:38:41,880 -But we had nightmares 891 00:38:41,990 --> 00:38:43,530 that people were gonna kick open the door. 892 00:38:43,620 --> 00:38:45,820 DAD: I understand, but nothing over that whole period of time 893 00:38:45,920 --> 00:38:48,260 actually materialized. 894 00:38:48,360 --> 00:38:50,860 -I spent a lot of time, like, overhearing you guys getting in, 895 00:38:50,960 --> 00:38:53,500 like, these incredible rows. 896 00:38:53,600 --> 00:38:57,340 -Yeah, I don’t know that I felt safe, like, emotionally. 897 00:38:57,440 --> 00:38:59,510 Because you do understand that the environment 898 00:38:59,600 --> 00:39:02,840 that you create at home impacts your children 899 00:39:02,940 --> 00:39:05,210 and the people that live with you. 900 00:39:05,310 --> 00:39:07,880 -Very often, like, we were walking around on eggshells. 901 00:39:09,050 --> 00:39:11,220 -We were your release. 902 00:39:11,320 --> 00:39:13,990 So when you got home, like, you took it out on us. 903 00:39:14,090 --> 00:39:18,060 -You know, I was on fight-or-flight kinda mode. 904 00:39:18,160 --> 00:39:20,230 -The consequences, though, were that, you know, 905 00:39:20,320 --> 00:39:23,190 if you got busted, we might have no dad. 906 00:39:23,290 --> 00:39:25,060 -Well, listen, people get busted all the time, 907 00:39:25,160 --> 00:39:27,130 and they still end up getting out of jail, and-- 908 00:39:27,230 --> 00:39:29,300 -Do you think that would have not impacted us? 909 00:39:29,400 --> 00:39:30,600 -Yes. 910 00:39:30,700 --> 00:39:33,040 -Like, we would have been like, "Oh, our dad went to jail. 911 00:39:33,140 --> 00:39:34,480 "Oh, yeah, okay." Mom doesn’t work... 912 00:39:34,570 --> 00:39:35,810 DAD: I would have gotten out. 913 00:39:35,910 --> 00:39:37,180 MELISSA: You had no control over that. 914 00:39:37,270 --> 00:39:38,840 -MICHAEL: Elliott? -[sighs] 915 00:39:38,940 --> 00:39:40,840 ELLIOT: When you guys would have arguments, 916 00:39:40,950 --> 00:39:43,120 like, I wish there was something I could have done. 917 00:39:44,320 --> 00:39:46,360 -There was nothing you needed to do. 918 00:39:49,850 --> 00:39:50,920 -[crying] 919 00:39:51,020 --> 00:39:52,820 MOM: That wasn’t your responsibility. 920 00:39:58,430 --> 00:39:59,360 -I’m sorry. 921 00:39:59,460 --> 00:40:01,630 [soft, poignant music] 922 00:40:01,730 --> 00:40:04,670 ♪ 923 00:40:04,770 --> 00:40:08,770 ♪ 924 00:40:08,870 --> 00:40:10,710 MICHAEL: Are you okay, Elliot? 925 00:40:10,810 --> 00:40:11,910 -I’m okay. 926 00:40:12,980 --> 00:40:15,020 -I’m sorry for-- if it-- you know... 927 00:40:15,110 --> 00:40:18,980 It’s all I have right now, is a sorry. And, uh... 928 00:40:19,080 --> 00:40:21,020 I did it with Mike, like, a few weeks ago. 929 00:40:21,120 --> 00:40:22,120 MELISSA: Yeah. 930 00:40:22,220 --> 00:40:23,860 -And I feel terrible about it. 931 00:40:23,950 --> 00:40:25,850 Yeah. 932 00:40:25,960 --> 00:40:27,800 MELISSA: You know, when I look at Dad 933 00:40:27,890 --> 00:40:28,960 when he’s like that, 934 00:40:29,060 --> 00:40:31,760 and I feel like I’m looking in the mirror. 935 00:40:31,860 --> 00:40:34,760 -You got that from me, unfortunately. 936 00:40:34,870 --> 00:40:36,470 MICHAEL: And you saw your dad do that. 937 00:40:36,570 --> 00:40:37,910 DAD: I saw my dad do that. 938 00:40:38,000 --> 00:40:40,300 Until it stops, it keeps going. 939 00:40:40,400 --> 00:40:41,200 -Yeah. 940 00:40:41,310 --> 00:40:43,080 -Right? Until we stop it here. 941 00:40:43,170 --> 00:40:44,770 -I trust that you love me. 942 00:40:44,880 --> 00:40:46,880 I’m still gonna take time 943 00:40:46,980 --> 00:40:48,350 to work towards trusting you more. 944 00:40:48,450 --> 00:40:49,220 -Yeah. 945 00:40:49,310 --> 00:40:50,780 -But I accept your apology. 946 00:40:50,880 --> 00:40:52,550 -Thank you. 947 00:40:52,650 --> 00:40:58,590 -You don’t have to put on any front anymore, right? 948 00:40:58,690 --> 00:41:01,560 And I think that’s gonna take some time and work for you 949 00:41:01,660 --> 00:41:02,660 to understand what that is. 950 00:41:02,760 --> 00:41:03,790 -Yeah, it will. 951 00:41:03,890 --> 00:41:05,860 -Because I’m not really sure that you even know 952 00:41:05,960 --> 00:41:08,100 who the real Eric is anymore, 953 00:41:08,200 --> 00:41:10,600 because of how many different faces you had to wear. 954 00:41:10,700 --> 00:41:11,830 -Faces I wore. Yeah, yeah. 955 00:41:11,940 --> 00:41:13,010 -That was the past. -Yeah. 956 00:41:13,100 --> 00:41:14,670 -I’m assuming you don’t do this anymore. 957 00:41:14,770 --> 00:41:15,700 -No. -Okay. 958 00:41:15,810 --> 00:41:18,110 Just... just clarify that. 959 00:41:18,210 --> 00:41:21,380 NARRATION: I know people don’t change overnight. 960 00:41:21,480 --> 00:41:22,650 It takes time... 961 00:41:22,750 --> 00:41:24,120 and courage. 962 00:41:24,220 --> 00:41:25,960 DAD: My little daughter. 963 00:41:26,050 --> 00:41:28,350 -Yeah, I know, Dad. 964 00:41:28,450 --> 00:41:30,190 I hope you don’t have any other daughters. 965 00:41:30,290 --> 00:41:31,830 That would be a real shock. 966 00:41:31,920 --> 00:41:33,050 -Would it? 967 00:41:33,160 --> 00:41:34,190 MELISSA: Yeah. [chuckles] 968 00:41:34,290 --> 00:41:35,090 -I do. 969 00:41:35,190 --> 00:41:36,590 -What? -Mm-hm. 970 00:41:38,160 --> 00:41:40,430 -You don’t want me to lie anymore, do you? 971 00:41:41,600 --> 00:41:42,770 -Wow. 972 00:41:42,870 --> 00:41:44,940 NARRATION: My dad’s not kidding. 973 00:41:45,040 --> 00:41:46,910 He’s never met his other daughter, 974 00:41:47,000 --> 00:41:48,970 but she’d be in her 50s by now. 975 00:41:50,170 --> 00:41:52,240 I guess if you ask for the truth, 976 00:41:52,340 --> 00:41:54,040 you have to be open to receiving it. 977 00:41:54,140 --> 00:41:55,840 -Oh my God. Oh! 978 00:41:55,950 --> 00:41:58,520 NARRATION: At least now we have a chance to understand it. 979 00:41:58,620 --> 00:42:02,160 ELLIOT: I guess I feel like less burdened about the situation. 980 00:42:02,250 --> 00:42:04,290 There’s not, like, something in the back of my mind 981 00:42:04,390 --> 00:42:06,060 that I’m, like, holding onto. 982 00:42:06,160 --> 00:42:07,760 NARRATION: Telling each other the truth 983 00:42:07,860 --> 00:42:10,360 has changed something for us. 984 00:42:11,660 --> 00:42:15,560 MOM: It gave you and your siblings some kind of peace. 985 00:42:17,100 --> 00:42:19,340 MICHAEL: But what do you get personally for you, 986 00:42:19,440 --> 00:42:21,180 that’s not about what your kids get? 987 00:42:24,040 --> 00:42:26,510 -It’s a weight off of my shoulders. 988 00:42:27,880 --> 00:42:28,710 Yeah. 989 00:42:31,420 --> 00:42:36,360 MELISSA: For what they did, to be able to raise three kids 990 00:42:36,450 --> 00:42:40,420 that have all grown up into adults 991 00:42:40,520 --> 00:42:43,820 and are having families of their own, 992 00:42:43,930 --> 00:42:47,130 that’s, you know, pretty remarkable. 993 00:42:47,230 --> 00:42:49,170 So, out of all of this, like, craziness... 994 00:42:49,270 --> 00:42:51,240 [laughs emotionally] 995 00:42:51,340 --> 00:42:54,340 We’re not that screwed up. [laughs] 996 00:42:55,470 --> 00:42:57,240 DAD: Now, I’m not sure I’m gonna show up 997 00:42:57,340 --> 00:42:58,270 at premiere night. 998 00:42:58,380 --> 00:43:00,420 -Why not? Are you afraid? 999 00:43:00,510 --> 00:43:03,050 -Yeah, no, no, I’m not-- I’m not afraid anymore, no. 1000 00:43:03,950 --> 00:43:09,860 ♪ 1001 00:43:09,950 --> 00:43:11,350 {\an8}♪ 1002 00:43:11,460 --> 00:43:12,490 {\an8}ELLIOT: [video] Michael! 1003 00:43:13,660 --> 00:43:15,530 {\an8}NARRATION: What kind of father will I be? 1004 00:43:17,860 --> 00:43:19,630 {\an8}I just hope I get to find out. 1005 00:43:23,100 --> 00:43:24,400 WOMAN: Start with your name.