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It is my pleasure to personally--
To personally announce to you on behalf of the NFG--
On behalf of the NFG Canada,
that you and your brother Peter
are recipients of the Explore and Create Grant
for your animation proposal called, um...
Endless Cookie Caca Nada.
Caca Nada? Caca Nada.
What's that supposed to mean?
On behalf of NFG Canada,
that you are your brother Peter are recipients
of the Explore and Create Grant
for the animation proposal called, um...
Endless Cookie Caca Nada.
Caca Nada?
Wow. This is great. Look at the size of this cheque.
Hey, Koko. Koko.
- What? - Koko, come here.
- Why? - I wanted to introduce you to this...
This is the NFG officer,
and this is Koko, my wife.
Nice to meet you, Officer.
And little baby Racco.
Racco, look at the size of this cheque.
It's huge!
Now I can fly up to Shamattawa to visit your cousins and your Uncle Pete,
one of the greatest storytellers in the world.
Well, have fun driving to visit your brother.
Oh, can we drive out there?
Actually, we can't drive there,
'cause there's no roads. No roads go there.
- We have to-- I have to fly. - Oh.
Oh. No roads go there.
Isn't that something?
Well, nice to meet you
and see you in seven months when this movie's all done.
- Nice to meet you, Officer. - Bye-bye.
Damn, I should have said seven years.
I better call Pete and tell him we got this dough.
Tipi's on fire! Tipi's on fire!
Tipi's on fire!
The tipi's on fire!
Tipi on fire!
Is someone gonna answer that phone ringing?
Hey, anybody got a light?
- What? - What the hell?
BROTHER PETE CALL
DOMINION OF CANADA
TORONTO
LEGEND MADE UP BOUNDARIES...
TELEPHONE LINE... BACON...
BROTHER SETH INCOMING CALL
SHAMATTAWA
- Hello. - Hey Pete, it's your brother, Seth.
Hey. I knew it was gonna be you.
So, how's it going?
It's going good, man. Oh, yeah. Okay.
- So, I got good news. - Yeah?
- We got that grant. - Wow, that's fricking great.
So, yeah, we're gonna make a movie, I guess, but...
- Yeah. - Yeah. What did I write?
I wrote, "I want to make a documentary animation,
"and record seven stories."
Basically, it's like, you're one of the best storytellers I know, and...
- And I made you director on it, too. - Oh, okay.
Because, obviously, you know, they're your stories, so...
Yeah.
It'll also allow you to veto anything you don't like in the movie.
DIRECTOR
Veto it all!
Anyhow, the goal is to make something funny,
beautiful, spiritual, political, complex, simple, and true.
- Oh, okay. - That should be easy, right?
Anyhow, I know there's no room in the house,
and I could help rebuild the tipi that burned down
and then stay there, if that seems like an alright idea.
Yeah. I was--
It's not going to take long to build once we get going.
- Well, that'd be fun. I could help you-- - I was trying--
Yeah. I was trying to--
I was trying to get it up before you got here.
Oh, me?
Well, I could always sleep on the porch in a tent for a couple days.
Problem's going to be the dogs.
Going crazy in the tent?
They're gonna want to move in.
Well, geez.
That's alright, whatever. We'll play it by ear.
Okay. That's cool. You're gonna come up?
Yeah. Awesome. Okay.
Well, I'll... I guess I'll be seeing you soon, then.
Oh, okay. Alright. Take care.
Hey, get out of there.
- Thanks. Alright. See you soon. - Okay.
Hey, get out of there. Get out of there.
TORONTO
WINNIPEG
SHAMATTAWA
So, it's set to go?
Okay.
I went out trapping one time with those--
I was using those body-hold Conibear traps.
And they're square steel traps,
and I had set it up.
And I set it up pretty good, I thought, if...
So an animal wouldn't be able to drag it away.
And then... And...
And then I saw the bait fell off.
So I thought, "Okay, I'll just stick the bait back on."
And...
And I was just holding on to the top part of the trap,
- and I went to stick the bait on. - Wait a sec. Sorry...
- Hmm? - ...to stop you,
but there's a toilet flush in the middle of the story.
We'll just wait till, uh, Antonio comes out.
What?
What? What? What? What?
What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What?
What? What? What? What?
ENDLESS COOKIE
Endless Cookie...
CANADA
NADA
CACA NADA
INTRODUCING
YOUNG STEWART, RAVER CECE, LI'L PETE, PUNK PETE,
TRAP PETE, LUCKY TROLL SIMONE, LUCKY TROLL SETH, BABY SETH,
SIDEWAYS SANDWICH SETH
AND LATE JESSICA
Endless... Cookie.
- Hey, Cookie. Can you turn that thing-- - What? What?
Can you turn it down? I'm recording.
Yeah, sure. No problem.
Yeah, sure. Yeah, sure...
No problem. No problem...
Antonio, I can hear the volume on your video games.
Can you... Can you maybe turn that down?
Oh, you can hear that?
Oh, sorry. Let me turn that down.
Dez. Dez!
AMUSING OURSELVES TO DEATH
Hey, Dez! Dez!
Oh, bitch, shut the fuck up, please.
I'm trying to sleep. I'm trying to sleep!
I just fucking got off work, five in the morning.
- Can you just let me sleep, please? - Oh. Whoops. Sorry.
- Um, Simone? - Banging, banging, banging...
- Yeah? - Let me sleep...
Never mind. Just keep being quiet. Thanks.
Uh, Ada.
- Ada. - Oh, shit. Okay.
Wait, wait. Hold on. Yeah. Boom. Fucking turns off.
Don't forget about Aylen, Naz, and Chris.
Oh, yeah.
I'll tell them to be quiet when I get back to Toronto.
Good idea.
Sylvester, I can hear you chewing
and squeaking or something.
What the fuck is that noise?
It's not me. That's the noise of the puppies under the stairs.
What? What? What?
- Okay. - What? What? What?
Cookie. Cookie, can you turn that thing down?
Thanks. Turn that down.
Thanks...
Sterling, you're gonna have to turn the volume down on the TV,
when I start recording in a minute, okay, man?
Oh, okay.
Oh, hey, this looks like it was filmed in Toronto.
I thought everything was filmed in Toronto.
No!
Yeah, I guess lots of things are filmed there, but not everything.
When I first went to Toronto, I was surprised,
when I really thought about it,
everybody has a toilet in their house.
And I thought, "What a...
"What a thing to have."
Yeah, you can shit in your own house.
Yeah.
When did, uh... When did Pete move to Toronto?
He was 11,
and he was on a school trip
and we met up and he told his teacher,
I'm staying with my dad now.
So, I called his grandmother Eliza,
and we talked,
and she said it was okay if Pete stayed with me,
but I had to bring him back before she died.
- And he did make it back. - That's sweet.
Yeah. That's right.
- Can you grab that? - Okay.
Keep it there.
Just wait. Just wait. Wait.
Do you hear that?
Just wait.
Do you hear that?
BIG FOOT TRACKER NEXT TIME
Tracker. Tracker.
ONLY FOR GIGGLES PRANKS
TROLL SCROLL III MOVIE
ONTERRIBLY COMFY
More than 30 percent
of incarcerated people in Canadian prisons
are First Nations, despite First Nations making up
just five percent of the country's population,
according to new statistics released by a federal watchdog.
In a damning report published on Wednesday,
the Correctional Investigator of Canada, Dr Ivan Zinger,
described First Nations' over representation
in the country's jails and prisons
as nothing short of a national travesty.
Multiple factors that include poverty
and racism in policing
contribute to the imbalance in convictions.
The figure is highest
in the provinces of Manitoba, Saskatchewan, and--
CANADIAN IDLE
This behemoth-ic beast with...
Someone's at the door. Answer the door.
...and astronomical appetite.
Hey, Pete home?
Hey, Pete.
Got any, uh... You got any green paint I can borrow?
Okay. Let me see if I got that here.
- Oh, hi. - Hey.
You RCMP?
No, I'm not RCMP.
Oh, no. That's my brother.
Oh, yeah. You didn't know I had a white brother?
I guess you never met our dad when he lived and worked here.
Last time our dad visited, he was at the store.
And?
And somebody thought he was the priest.
SPICY CRACKERS HONKY BRAND
Oh.
- Hello. - Oh, Father.
Oh, Father, for I have sinned.
- I've had impure thoughts. - Hey, that's not the priest.
That's my dad.
Okay. We need to stack those like that.
Oh, hey. That looks good.
Frickin' frick. Frickin' frick.
See that little trophy walking over there?
He's upset because his dad died.
Frickin'. Frickin' frick.
Frickin'.
Frickin' frick.
Frickin' frick!
What?
- What? - What was that?
Hello. We got shots fired down here...
Doo-doo two. We got shots fired down here.
I repeat, shots fired.
Calling for backup. I repeat, calling for backup.
Shots fired. Shots fired at officer.
Listen here, you pecker weasel.
This is the RCMP.
Drop your gun.
Drop it.
Lie down.
Face down now.
Slowly. Slowly.
Too slow. Come on now.
Put your hands out away from your body where I can--
Keep them where I can see them now.
Delta one five.
Put your hands behind your back.
Not so smart now, are you?
Shooting at a cop. What were you thinking?
- That fucking hurts, man. - Who do you think you are,
- shooting at police officers? - Really fucking hurts.
I didn't do anything.
Just talking a walk, bro.
- Fuck you, man. - Fuck you, man.
What the fuck is your problem?
I didn't do nothing.
So, you can go to jail for 15 years
or plead guilty and only go for three.
So, you can go to jail for 15 years...
or plead guilty...
and only go for three.
If you want to plead innocent,
you'll have to wait in jail until your trail date,
which would be at least one year from now,
and then you still may go to jail for 15 years
if you're found guilty.
What if I didn't do anything?
Can I just go home, then? I'd like to go home.
Listen. You want to go to jail for 15 years or three years?
Your Honour, the accused wants to plead guilty
towards a lesser charge.
The court has found you guilty.
And you are sentenced to three years
at Stony Mountain Penitentiary.
You will be eligible for parole
in 1.5 years.
May God have mercy upon your soul.
Do you know what BS stands for?
Beaver shit.
So, that kid pleaded guilty.
He went right off to Stony Mountain, three years,
and that kid never been in jail in his life.
And then since then, it's been the last 20 years,
been going back and forth,
back and forth, jail, back to jail,
out again, back to jail.
Damn. That fucking sucks.
Welcome back to Canada's favourite show,
Who Doesn't Want To Be Poor?
Well, time's up.
What's it going to be?
Um...
Maybe I'll just use my credit card?
Drinking water advisories
persist in First Nations throughout Canada.
Currently, more than 56 communities
go without clean drinking water.
What's this? They talking about American--
What is this, American news?
No, no, no.
This is, uh, Canadian.
The guy said it was, uh, Canadian.
Oh.
It's still worse down there, though.
Still worse down there.
Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Way worse down there. Way worse down there.
IDLE NO MORE
Oh, there goes my little sis.
Check out this little vid I made for Jess,
after she... After she took her life and passed on.
IN LOVING MEMORY OF JESSICA SCRIVER 1997-2013
MUSIC BY NEW CHANCE ANIMATION BY SETH SCRIVER
Rest in peace, my late, sweet daughter, Jessica.
RIP, my little sis. That's what you've been up to.
That's what you wanted.
Riding the clouds with her motorbike.
I heard she was saving up for a motorcycle before she passed on.
Yeah, Jessica always talked about getting a bike of her own.
I wonder if Jessica would have been one of those crazy 401 motorcycle drivers,
weaving in and out of traffic.
I think-- I think they totally would.
They definitely seemed like the type to get
kind of lost in the moment and kind of enjoy the...
Enjoy the ride.
Yeah. That's so sweet.
Okay. Someone nail those boards around the outside.
Okay.
You gonna be in trouble if you don't fix that toilet?
Well, it's impossible to fix it today, because the dentist has patients.
Yeah. Well, then...
How am I going to do it?
Probably have to go on the weekend or go in the evening.
Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah. That makes sense.
It would have made more sense if they would have sent me
the toilet I requested.
- Yeah. What the hell? - I wrote--
Well, it's like that thing, trying to get a picture with my... For my ID,
I explained to the people in Miramichi, New Brunswick, where it comes from.
Holy cripe.
If I want to get photo ID, I have to fly to Thompson,
go to a place where you get photo ID,
pay for a room to stay.
- Yeah. - Come back the next day.
Holy. It's like a--
Really? They just don't do it here?
Well, there was nothing available for printing.
- That's crazy. - Everybody's got cameras.
- Millions of pictures. - Yeah.
But nobody can print out, uh...
like, a, you know, wallet-sized photo ID.
There's a guy in Toronto that Photoshops the pictures.
He just can't help himself.
You're supposed to take a picture and then not alter it in any way
for the passport photos.
There's this one guy on Spadina that's just, like--
He just can't help himself.
He always has to, like, Photoshop it a little bit,
make your cheeks a little rosy.
- Yeah. - Get rid of a zit or something.
Well, with identification photos,
you can't wear a hat, you can't wear glasses.
- And no smiling. - No makeup.
No smiling.
I went to get my student ID one time, when I was going to high school,
- for a... The TTC pass. - Yeah.
- Well, I had you with me. - Oh, really?
And I said, "I want my little brother in the picture."
- And they said no. - Oh.
I said, "What do you want me to do, put him down over there on the floor?"
There was only one guy there, and I said, "Look.
"I'm just gonna hold him.
"They're gonna know who the picture is for."
- I said, "It's me." - Yeah.
I said, "He's not old enough to go to school yet."
Then they wouldn't let you have...
- Too bad. - They wouldn't let you in on the picture.
Actually, I took you to school one time.
I was pushing you to school, and all the girls come running.
- Ah! - So cute!
They said, "Whose baby?"
And I said, "I found him in the subway, so I just brought him with me.
"I'm gonna keep him."
And they tackled me, and they tackled you.
There was, like, three girls.
One of them had you already and the other one started pulling, saying, "No!
"I want him! I want him! I'm going to look after him."
And finally, I had to shove them all out of there saying,
"I'm just--" I said, "I was just kidding. That's my little brother."
And they said, "Yeah, but you're an Indian.
"How come he's blond hair and blue eyes and white skin?
"You're lying."
That's good.
PIZZA POPS CARIBOU FLAVOR
Another time, there was two young guys were sent in.
They got a call to the other end of town,
like, in what they call Little Russia.
They get to the call they were supposed to go on,
and they see this blood all over the snow.
Oh-ho. Hey. Hey, now.
What do we got here?
Okay. What do we got? Hmm.
Blood!
Stay calm, now. Stay calm.
It's just blood. It's just blood.
It's just a little blood.
What the--
What the...
What the what?
Oh, no!
FUCK OFF PIGS
Bill!
I'm cool. I'm cool. I'm cool.
I'm a cool guy. I'm a cool guy.
I'm cool. It's cool. It's cool.
It's cool. It's cool.
You keep cool? You keep cool? You alright? You got it?
Okay, guy.
You with me? You ready?
You remember? We got to...
We go on four, on three.
You with me now?
Just get the door.
I'm going to get the doorknob.
Doorknob.
Freeze, motherf...
And there's a little old lady sitting in there, cutting up a caribou.
Fuck!
After they die, all of a sudden, they...
there's a tremendous amount of fast gas buildup in their stomach.
- Yeah. - It's just gets really taut, you know...
And you have to be careful when you cut it,
so you don't cut into the stomach.
So, it's just the outside fur and then the body lining,
the stomach lining, on the outside of the stomach.
But anyway.
When I was a little kid, my granny used to take the stomach out and
empty half the contents out and get a cup,
pour the blood in there.
Then she would throw sugar in it.
And then they would shake it back and forth,
mix up the blood and the green stuff that's in the stomach.
And my granny would hang it up--
Hang it above the woodstove and just let it dry
until it went all, you know, basically dehydrated.
They used to call it seewatte,
which means "sweet stomach".
And that was the candy. That was our candy.
So, my first candy was green and kind of smelly
and... kind of tasted awful.
I wonder what those dogs are barking at.
Hey, shut up, stupid!
Didn't you have a dog named Stupid?
I think one of the wolves-- I think a wolf grabbed it.
The only thing I found was his pelvis bone
and the very tip of his tail.
It was about four inches long.
Whoa.
We lost six dogs in one week at that time, when that wolf was around.
Wow.
They don't bother people, though.
- They... - Hey, look.
NUTTY
Peanut butter.
Crunchy or smooth?
Yeah. You ever hear about pure collectors
from old England? They had these...
In Victorian times, I guess they--
These guys would go around collecting dog shit,
which they called, pure.
I guess it had some kind of purifying quality
for tanning hides.
They're collecting it, and the valuable stuff, the prize turds
were those, like, kind of dried-out white ones
that you see around.
So, when they would find wet, darker turds,
there was a trick they had where they would
find loose mortar in an old building and scrape it into their bucket
and kind of make them dry and white-looking
so that they could get a better dollar for their--
Their bucket of turds at the tanner.
Seven months later...
- Pure collection? - Yeah. Uh, yeah.
Pure collection is an actual historical job, believe it or not.
Is this what you were working on with the money we gave you?
Oh, yeah. About that, I might need to ask you for a deadline extension.
Go out.
What's this?
It's a map of the story arc for the movie.
Whoa! Is this your guide for making the movie?
Yeah. Actually, sometimes, I'm not sure if it's following me
or if I'm following it.
It's true.
How's drawing going? You getting any drawing done?
I wanted to talk to you about that, yeah,
but it's this-- this one thing.
- What one thing? - I feel like--
Feels like I can't draw anymore.
Well, don't
psych yourself out. Everyone has that happen.
Even, like, you know, Leonardo da Vinci
- probably had that happen. - Yeah.
You work your way through it and then you come out the other side.
Oh, my dad's home.
Oh, sweet. I want to talk to him.
Well, don't psych yourself out. Just keep drawing.
That's the trick. Alright. You're awesome, Cookie.
- Hello? - Hey, Pete.
Hey. How's it going?
It's going good, man.
I was gonna phone you this morning.
Oh, nice. Oh, hey, I gotta come back up
and record more audio for the animation.
Yeah.
The stuff I recorded last time is all messed up,
everyone keeps interrupting each other.
- Yeah. - Anyhow--
Okay. Okay. That's cool. You want to come up?
Yeah.
Awesome. Okay. Well, I'll, uh--
I guess I'll be seeing you soon, then.
Sure is nice to see you kids learning how to build stuff.
I spent a lot of time being a carpenter.
Can you not take pictures
inside the sacred tipi zone?
Oh, fuck. I should've asked first, man.
Oh, fuck. I'm sorry.
I'm really sorry. I should have asked your permission first
before taking any pictures,
and I'm really sorry.
I'm-- I'm fucking stupid.
Just joking. You can take pictures in here.
I was just kidding.
Oh.
But it is always a good idea to ask first
before you take any pictures.
Oh, my head. What the--
Something's stuck on my hat here.
Oh, come on off.
Come on off!
Just ignore him and go back to sleep, Boris...
my son.
Oh, hey. It's that show.
What most people don't realize...
is that this animal...
doesn't only have...
big feet.
You gotta make sure...
the plaster mixture...
isn't too runny...
and it isn't too firm.
Like I said, they don't only have big feet.
Whoa-ho-ho! Hey!
Those are some big buns.
My brother-in-law, Loren,
built a cabin about 10 miles down river.
So, when he was done, this couple,
this elderly couple heard about it.
So, they went and told him that, uh--
To be careful in that area
because at one time there were some trappers that went missing,
some people that were trapping beaver.
And other people had been trapping in the area
kept on talking about finding beaver dams
that were, like, ripped up
like something came and ripped them apart.
There was a couple guys that were trapping over there,
went missing,
so people went looking for them.
They found them,
and they were hanging out with this female sasquatch.
And they couldn't figure out why those two guys
were just hanging out with her.
They weren't-- They looked like they weren't trying to get away.
And once in a while,
that thing would grab them and tickle them.
So, when they found them,
they realized that-- That their eyes were missing.
Fuck.
That thing had plucked out their eyes.
So, that was the reason why they couldn't...
They couldn't go anywhere, because they were blind.
- They had no eyeballs. - Jesus.
Years ago, when I was chief, I was at a meeting in Winnipeg,
and I see the newspaper.
And I'm reading it, there's, like, this land rush.
And I said, "How come nobody ever told us?"
- Fuck. - We're out in Shamattawa,
and the supposed leadership
didn't even know anything about it.
Yeah, well, that doesn't surprise me.
Ah, those assholes.
Uh, what's that? What's that, man?
Oh, just, uh, just a second.
I'm just talking to my son right now.
If you need anything, though, then just let me know,
and we have those penis piercings in different sizes.
Oh, great. Yeah, thanks, man.
So, all the area's staked out.
All of Gods River right to Gods Lake
is all somebody's mineral exploration area.
Like, there was a big diamond rush and then...
Diamonds may be pretty,
but I'm hot.
They found some other-- They found some other stuff,
but some places were--
Weren't feasible to try to extract.
Oh, yeah.
And I think we still have
a lot of unclaimed, like, land settlement.
We never finished with it.
We never-- We never...
But the government gave us a choice. They're saying,
"This week, you got to sign.
"We have to get it over and done with.
"After this week, you're on your own.
"You can pay for your own lawyers if you want to--
"Trying to have land claims over here, having a big, like, a reserve."
Right now, it's only two miles by one mile.
- What? - Yep.
That's how big Shamattawa Reserve is.
Oh, those assholes. Man, it's just normal.
They're just trying to stampede you into signing.
It's so typical. They just drew a line around your houses
in the middle of your land.
Your land goes a long way in every direction,
and they know it.
Yeah, and back then,
whoever... decided that,
to claim only one mile by two mile.
And they were still told, saying, "No. You can't have it any bigger.
"This is as much as you can have."
Yeah. Unfortunately, that doesn't surprise me.
I'm saying, "Hey, your family used to trap where?"
They'd say, "Yeah, way out there by Hudson Bay."
I said, "How many miles is that?"
They're like, "Sixty miles."
I said, "Well, why are we gonna be stuck
"in a little two-mile-by-one mile?"
- That's so rude. - I said, "After that, we've lost...
"We lost any rights outside the reserve."
We have to do something, or something happens,
trying to...
Like, now, they're trying to flood the--
This is the largest undammed river left in Manitoba,
Gods River.
Every other large river's been dammed up,
and Hydro's trying to involve Shamattawa.
- And we'll never benefit from it. - Whoa. Good one.
If they built a dam, would that affect the fishing?
Uh, yep. It'll screw up the fishing.
Damn.
Damn. Is it Monday already?
Oh, God.
But they came up with, uh, um...
Hydro was trying to involve everybody to come to meetings,
and they were paying people.
Some people got as much as 80 bucks
to go to a meeting, and there were door prizes.
What was the door prize?
Oh, a freezer pack, like, a box of-- A box of frozen meat
that they got at the Northern Store, something like that.
Yeah, and then all of a sudden,
I found out I was in the sturgeon-- Sturgeon committee,
sturgeon preservation committee.
I had no idea I was in the committee and I was getting paid for it.
Well, Pete, if you're on the sturgeon committee, if they build a dam,
there won't be any more sturgeon.
Well, like I said before, you can pick your nose,
but you can't eat diamonds.
Hey, do you need any sound effects for this movie?
I can do some sound effects for you if you want.
It could be like...
Alright. Uh...
Next time the cops chase you, don't jump in the water.
She says, "Fuck that. I'm never going swimming again,
"after I seen that in the water. I'm never going back."
Yeah. Maybe we could use some of those somewhere.
I don't think she's gone back in the water
- ever since then. - Oh, that's crazy.
Well, I wonder what the hell that was.
Hey, Stew, is that Pete on the phone?
Is he telling you about Antonio's dream?
One second, Pat. Pete's talking in my other ear.
Holy doodle. He told me about this dream,
and this plane had antlers.
It was totally made of antlers,
and it crashed.
Yeah? Amazing.
Well, I wonder what that was.
That sort of reminds me of something that happened
back a few years ago on Wunnumin Lake.
So... I was going fishing
and drove out onto the lake,
and I was heading west.
Uh, sorry. Heading east,
and then...
- Oh, hey! - What the-- What? Hey!
Watch it, man.
Whoops. Sorry.
Yeah. So, driving the boat in the lake,
and I felt this something
on my cheek. On my cheek.
And it was the same as when I was in the air force
and there was a plane breaking the sound barrier.
It's that pressure you feel just before you hear the noise,
and I whipped my head around.
There was this hole traveling through the air
with scenery on the other side of it
that was-- Looked like a scenery from a desert.
It was these angular, sort of cactus-like trees,
and the thing just whipped by and just kept going east.
Very odd.
Sorry, Pete, I gotta hang up.
Somebody's staring at me.
I gotta sell somebody something. Bye now.
- Hey, man. - Oh, sorry. Yeah.
I was just talking to my son, my older son.
My younger son, Seth's, visiting him. He's--
Wait. You saw a porthole to another dimension?
Oh, yeah. Yeah, and it wasn't the only time.
Yeah. According to a lot of people,
they said that Stewart was the first person to, uh--
First white person to come back and visit his kid.
Damn. That's kind of fucked.
Damn. That's-- Damn.
That's fucked. Damn. That's fucked.
What the what? Damn. What the what?
You know that trap we set upriver, that square one?
Yeah?
Okay. That's the kind I was using, and I had that all set up.
And...
I was getting ready to go back towards my Ski-Doo,
and I saw that the bait wasn't on properly
and had fallen off.
So I went to put bait on, and the thing slipped.
Hey. That's my balloon.
And then it just slowly sunk into my hand,
you couldn't even see the steel.
It went down here, and it was squishing it like this.
And then I'm trying to break the stick,
and every time I made a move,
that trap just got tighter and tighter.
It was just sinking in deeper and deeper.
And all of a sudden, I'm getting, like, really cold,
because the wind's blowing and I didn't have my parka on.
Then I hear a Ski-Doo coming.
Oh, shit. I wonder if that's Rusty.
Hey, Seth. Take a picture of this.
I got a puppy on my head.
Okay. Hold it there.
Hold it there, Simone.
Alright. Hold it. Hold it.
Okay. Yeah.
Okay. Got it.
Hello?
Go get me some oranges.
I'll get you oranges.
Go get me some garbage bags.
Garbage bags?
Go get me some garbage bags and oranges and cigarettes.
Ah.
I'll go get them.
Thank you.
Boy, she thinks I have all the time in the world.
She wants me to go get oranges and garbage bags for her
at the store.
Oh, you're going to the store?
Hey, little buddy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
You little cutie. Hey.
Whoa, Simone.
How many dogs you guys got?
Wait.
Boris, Cheech, Chong, Milk Jug,
Chappy, Sheldon, Langfur,
Ugly, and Nutty.
And... am I missing one?
Boris, Chappy, Cheech,
Chong, Nutty, Langfur,
Sheldon, Ugly, and...
I forgot two dogs.
Coconut and Dooney.
And what about the puppies under the steps?
Yeah. Like, uh, yeah. Shit.
Or, like, when I go in the washroom,
and all the women look at me,
and then these women look at me as I enter like I--
Like I'm a guy, like they're thinking--
I don't know. I just gotta take a fucking shit, bitch.
Hey, look. There's my dad.
That's our dad. Okay, Ada, settle down.
That's not your only dad.
Hey, look, there's Ada and Dez!
Dad! Dad!
Hey, Dad. Who's your favourite kid?
NO OTHER STORE
CANADA BURP ZERO GINGER ADDED
So, what should we get? Some Bepsi, Depsi, Poopsie,
Toke, Joke, Diet Croke? Which one?
Bepsi?
ORANGES
Hey, mayochap, that's what my mother in law used to call me.
What does mayochap mean?
Shitty face.
Oh.
It's like, shit on your face sort of, but...
Mayochap.
Means shitty face, like, yeah.
You didn't know?
No.
Now you know.
We need one of those big boxes, there. Can you grab that?
Yeah, I can grab this.
Whoops.
Pwêkitostaw.
What's that?
Pwêkitow means fart.
Pwêkitow.
Pwêkitow means fart.
And Pwêkitostaw means, you know,
"farting while you're doing something," you know?
Like when you're lifting something that's heavy and you--
Pwêkitostaw. Pwêkitostaw.
Pwêkitostaw.
"Six pack. Toronto tap water."
What do you, uh...
Do you ever miss anything about Toronto?
Goat rotis.
What's that-- What was the name of that--
Patty King.
Patty King, yeah. Yeah.
Goat rotis from Patty King and George.
Always a big smile.
All the whole family was like that. They were all very nice.
Yeah, they're cool.
Yeah, it's funny, it was just one year. It was a whole bunch of us that just left.
We just all went in different directions.
So, everybody that left did good,
they went on doing things that they wanted to do.
Once or twice a year I'd get a call
from my family saying, "Remember so-and-so,
"one of your drinking buddies, they found him dead this morning."
Yeah.
And that probably would have been me if I never left.
I remember one time I went through my tequila phase,
then all of a sudden one day I realized, it was making me more unstable,
then I started to realize
all the trouble I got into
or the grief I caused to something like that,
it was if I was drinking something really strong.
And if there was something about you I didn't like
or it was almost like a snap.
- Sometimes even, like, over nothing. - Uh-huh.
I would, like, just start turning red
and steam coming out of my ears just, uh...
It was just weird. It was just-- Like there was--
There was a guarantee I was going to try to kill you when I got really smashed.
Oh, yeah. I kind of remember you telling me about some of those misadventures.
You went back to our old house that we weren't living in anymore and broke in.
I don't remember.
Apparently, I uh... I think I used my bus pass
to open the door or something.
Like, put it in, jiggle it in where the deadbolt was,
and then it opened.
And then the dog ate the little kid that lived there's birthday cake.
Oh, yeah. All his birthday cake.
I have no memory of it at all.
What-- Didn't you grab, like, a guy out of--
That was in your old bed or something?
There was some guy sleeping in my bed, okay?
Apparently I dragged him out of there.
"Get off my bed."
And my dog was with me and my dog was keeping everybody away.
Everybody out of the room.
While you were sleeping.
You know what was one of the nice things about that
story where you went back to our old house?
Was that they didn't call the police.
They just called Stewart, which is, like, nice.
Yeah, that was embarrassing.
Holy shit! He did what?
Son of a... I'll be right over.
But it's like, better than, you know, the police like,
arresting you or something, you know?
You kidding? I'd rather the police.
Ah, you'd be surprised. There's still a couple
stragglers kicking around Toronto that remember you.
BUNCH O FUCKING GOOFS
COKE THE REAL THING FOR REAL ASSHOLES
Talk is cheap and so are you...
Go get screwed!
PATTY KING
Also, I remember another thing,
every time you'd get really, really drunk, you'd go,
"I really love you, man,
"but I fucking hate white people."
You remember Peter from Courage?
Yeah, I just-- Which Peter?
Peter East from Courage, My Love.
He's been gone for fucking, like, 20 years.
Yeah, but I saw, the other Peter just went by.
Peter from Peterborough. What a freak that guy is.
Yeah, Peter from Peterborough.
TIME TO TELL THAT PIZZA STORY
Yeah, Pizza Pizza Pizza used to have this special where,
if it's not delivered to your house in 30 minutes it's free,
so every payday we used to order pizza from there.
Like, a large pizza with everything on it.
Yeah, one of my roommates, that's what he--
He worked at a pizza place, and he says,
"No way it's gonna cook in half an hour,"
but we always waited till payday so in case it came we had the money.
Oh, hello. I'd like to order an extra large pizza
with everything on it.
Hey, Tony...
Extra sauce and anchovies.
Okay, what's the address?
That's-- So that's 30 minutes or it's free?
Yeah, always.
Okay, my clock says it's 20 after 9:00.
Looks like free o'clock.
You're seven minutes late.
FRICK
Free pizza. Thank you.
I F'HEART TED
FU TOWER
Too long.
Tell me, Seth, why is this pizza scene going on so long?
Well, you know, it's strange 'cause Pizza Pizza Pizza's
kind of like a cultural thing for people that lived
in Toronto during the '80s and '90s.
Oh, cultural. Interesting.
Yeah, terrible pizza, but kind of thrilling to gamble
to see if you get it for free or not.
What?
It was a pizza crust with a pile of hamburger on it.
Well, 30 minutes or free, you got a free one.
I love that story.
I remember thinking that was the coolest thing I ever heard
when you told me that when I was a little kid.
I was like, "That's the coolest thing I ever heard."
That's not funny!
Hey, guys. I'm gonna get these chicken burgers.
You guys are talking so long. Can we go now? I'm starving.
Back in the day we used to trade hash for chickens
from the chicken truck driver.
Rats? Fucking' A, man.
THE SEA MEN
TROPICAL FRUIT
- Hey, Sal. - Hey, Pete. How's it going, man?
Hey, c'est lui! C'est lui!
Hey.
Hey, habibi!
Help yourself to chicken. This is a good trade.
Hey, what're you doing with those chickens?
I hope it's not what I would do with those chickens.
THE SEAMONKEY
MACKEREL
I didn't really know what to do with them at first,
so then we processed them ourselves,
and we had 'em hanging in the bathtub.
The neighbour upstairs, we forgot to tell her
that we had chickens in the bathtub.
And she came down to shower and...
There was blood all over the bathtub.
Speaking of chickens, can I get these chicken burgers
and also can we go soon? You guys are taking forever.
Years ago I saw one of Cece's friends,
climbed onto the top of one of those live chicken trucks.
Fuck, I love this song.
Good morning, beautiful ladies.
And that's how I discovered the chicken of the woods.
What's this guy up to?
This band is really funky.
What are you doing up there? You fuck!
I said to you, you fuck, you get off my truck!
I'm gonna beat the shit out of you if you don't get down!
Hey don't touch my chicken you fuck!
You might ask yourself what the 'morel' of this story is,
and I'd say his nose was less of a morel
and more of an amanita, and don't forget to
count your chickens before they're snatched.
Hey, so how's Cece doing?
How's Cece doing? She's doing good.
She's basically just running the shop and picking clothes.
Still finding some pretty good stuff actually.
Driving lots, fighting clowns,
and helping put out the odd neighbourhood fire.
BANNED 4 LIFE DO NOT LET IN STORE
HELP
VIBES
The firemen weren't there, so she got a fire extinguisher
and ran in the house and started like...
And then she had this thing where she was like...
I never realized it till right now that I've always wanted to be a fireman.
Out of the way, fuckers.
You, Cece! Speak of the devil.
Hey, Cec. Wow, it's been a long time.
Been a long time no see, holy.
Long time no Cece.
Long time no see Cece.
I gotta go to the store. What're you guys doing?
Yeah, we're just time travelling back to
the '80s and '90s and telling chicken stories.
Oh, yeah, back in the '90s when I used to look like this?
And Seth was a sideways sandwich?
You were a sideways sandwich?
Yes. Well, people used to think I was.
It's probably actually why I grew a mustache.
- What? Sideways sandwich? - Idiot.
- I don't remember that. - Too late now.
Hey, lady! Move your van! Move your van!
Alright, I'm going. Fuck off already!
You fuck off already, lady!
Okay, see you later, freaks!
- Okay, Cece. See you later. - See you later, Cec.
FROZEN CHICKEN DREAM
Um, what do you think of the future?
What do I think of the future?
Like, what do you mean?
I don't know, like, what do you think the future holds?
Mm, I'm not quite sure about that.
OLD TIMEY SETTLER'S CHICKEN FLAVOURED HOUSING CRISIS
COLONIAL TRAUMA FLAVOURED T.V. DINNER
I don't know, in the future,
I hope that Shamattawa gets a little...
A little better, a little healthier.
HEALTHY LOCAL GAME
EQUITY
Yeah. Basically what I wish.
What I wish the future holds.
What about your future? What do you want to do?
Like...
I wanna accomplish these little things in life that people are supposed to.
Like, I want to get a job, and I want to get a house,
or at least somewhere to live.
INSANE RENT FANCY CAT FOOD
But I don't want it to be here.
Yeah, I just want to work and be happy.
Just, like, a little, tiny, normal life.
When are those guys getting back from the store?
They're taking forever.
Okay, I'm going for lunch, pick a winner, Cece.
You beautiful, sweet, little nail.
Please go in smoothly.
Not like that other stupid nail.
Oh, my God, I found a Poochie!
Oh, my God, I love it!
Oh, my God, the Poochie fits you perfectly.
I can't believe you found that so quick.
I know, I found it so quick. Yeah!
I'm going to take it.
- Oh. - What's this?
Oh, that's the caribou hide that my brother Pete mailed us.
It's beautiful.
Yeah, isn't it nice?
Ah, see, let's see. Which button is it?
Uh, let's try this one.
Thank you so much. Bye, Cece.
Alright, see you later. Thanks.
Finally we're leaving.
NO OTHER STORE FINANCIAL DEBT TRAP
SMOKES X1 ORANGES X1
VIENNA SAUSAGE X16
FROZEN CHICKEN BURGER DREAMS
- Hey, look, it's Ada and Dez! - Dad!
Oh, hey. There's Mom. Hi, Mom.
Hi, my babies. Ada, my baby.
Mom, how about me?
Oh, Dez baby. My old baby.
You ate yesterday already!
Alright, Mom. I'll see you later.
Bye-bye, my babies. I love you.
Alright, see you later, Mom. Love you.
I nailed a bunch of boards at the bottom
so that they don't fall over.
Oh, hey. That looks good.
Yeah, it looks great, Simone.
Well, Pete found this huge tarp at the dump.
Uh, yeah?
Yeah, that was just leftover stuff that they had used to...
it was for the soil remediation,
so that was the underlay.
Sweet score.
Hey, where are those guys going?
Let's smoke this motherfucking weed!
I think I know where they're going.
Yeah, I don't want to encourage them to smoke weed,
but it's better than sniffing lacquer or...
Yeah, that's not good for you.
And other more dangerous habits.
Yeah.
Yeah, those small toothpicks are really expensive here.
It's just crazy.
It's, like, $20 to buy them.
Fucking Ada, move your fucking cheek, man.
Fucking move! Fuck sakes.
Shut the fuck up bannock ass!
Aw, Ada, you dumb bitch.
Now we get to smoke my motherfucking weed.
Oh, finally some weed.
- Let's go, bitch. - I want to smoke this shit.
The fuck is that?
Sounds like somebody's dragging a bunch of cans.
Jesus fuck.
Hey, did you see this? Did you see this video?
Who? Who? Who?
Fuck. Oh, my God. Okay.
Sylvester in the dark
Buck naked with a knife in his hand
Tippy-toeing, tippy-toeing, tippy-toeing, tippy-toeing
Go home!
- Cookie? - Yeah?
You gotta sing?
Follow the beat. You already know this beat.
Just say what Ada would say.
I forgot what part to sing.
Around here.
Right there.
No wait.
Sylvester in the dark
Buck naked with a knife in his hand
Tippy-toe-toe-toe-toe-toe
Tippy-toe
Tippy-tippy-tippy-toe...
Sylvester in the dark
Buck naked with a knife in his hand
Tippy-toeing, tippy-toeing, tippy-toeing, tippy-toeing
Tippy-tippy-toe...
Sylvester buck naked in the dark
With a knife in his hand
Tippy-toeing, tippy-toeing, tippy-toeing, tippy-toeing
Oh
Fuck.
Oh, my God, okay.
Okay, do that thing again.
Buck naked with a knife in his hand
Tippy-toeing, tippy-toeing
Ooh, shit.
Tippy-tippy-toeing
Fuck.
Young caribou.
Caribou?
Oh, yeah. Like, um--
- Caribou. - Um...
Caribou. Caribou.
It's almost like they know us.
Like, we wait for them here.
And it's-- We miss them when they're not around.
We expect them to be around, and, uh, they're really--
They're really nice to watch, they're really neat to watch.
Like, they don't know people, so, when you-- When you hang
around with them for a while, like, if you--
If a whole bunch of them go by and you stand still
and you don't move and you stand there for about a minute,
then all of a sudden they just go,
"Okay, he's, like, one of us," or something like that,
and they just go about their business, and...
Until they hear that loud bang.
Your gun.
Yeah, and they taste pretty good.
This time of year they taste-- The flavour starts to change.
It's not so gamey.
Like, when all the green stuff goes away in the fall,
the flavour becomes lighter, more tastier.
I remember you just reminded me of being here
and you were cooking moose
and your mom was here, and she was like...
Oh, you're cooking moose meat.
I want to eat Caribou meat
When are the caribou coming back?
PLAY GAME
A.D. 2121.
War was beginning
What happened?
Someone set us up a trap.
We get signal.
What?
Main screen turn on.
It's you.
How are you gentlemen?
All your land are belong to us.
You are on your way to destruction.
What he say?
You have no chance to survive, make your time.
All your land, your land, land
Land
All your land are belong to us
All your land, your land, land
Land
All your land are belong to us
All your land, your land, land
Land
All your land are belong to us
All your land, your land, land
Land
All your land are belong to us
All your land, your land, land
Land
All your land are belong to us
GAME PAUSE
What were you saying?
I used to-- I used to hear, um,
elders talking about it when I first came back to Shamattawa.
They couldn't wait to go out in the bush,
like, go in their boat.
They were really looking forward to it, just clearing their minds,
clearing their mind out.
It does something to you when you go out in the bush.
And whatever stresses or worries you have,
there's no use doing that when you're up there,
'cause there's nothing you can do about it.
So, you learn to relax
and get the stress out of your mind.
Which is great, and it's, you know,
you're energized all over. Just...
You come back more positive.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
And that's what I like about being here.
You don't have-- There's no use worrying about--
What do you worry about?
'Cause there's nothing you can do about it from out there.
Is that a bear sitting on a couch?
We set up the couch.
Like, I threw a couch out, and next day when I drove by
there's a bear sitting there.
And it looked like he was just, you know,
taking a break, putting his feet up,
'cause it's--
Yeah, this photo should win the National Geographic award.
It was just a neat shot.
- It was very cute. - It's so nice.
Oh, yeah, there's that-- That mud cake Simone made
for Sterling's birthday.
- I made it for Sterling. - Decorated with flowers. It looks--
I had a slice of that. Just kidding.
There's Chong.
And there's Antonio with a whole bunch of puppies.
Oh, there's my dog Nutty!
Oh, there's Simone. There's her missing tooth.
Hey, there's Sylvester,
buck naked in the dark with a knife in his hand.
Oh, my God.
There's Pete and Lillian
and then Jeep and Antonio and Dez there
There's your neighbour, Wayne.
- Oh, there's Chris. - There's Chris' tipi.
Oh, that's Chris.
- I remember that. - It was the first time
Cookie went on an escalator.
Oh, my gosh. I remember that.
Simone recording a little puppy.
- Oh, my God. - There's Stewart.
There's our dad wearing three watches.
Hey, there's Stewart and Pat and...
And you, Pete, at the old shop there.
There's Cece.
- There's Granny and Chris. - My Granny!
Chopping up some fish.
Hey, there's little Ada and Naz there.
Hey, this one's nice. Almost everyone's in this pic.
Christian, Simone, Cookie.
Little Sterling, Dez, Pete,
Antonio and then me in the front there.
There's a dog biting me.
Oh my God.
Heck? Hey.
- His face is... - What? There's a little--
Oh my God.
- That's you. - Oh, God. That's li'l me.
- That's Cookie. - Oh, my God. I remember that kid.
There's me as a teenager with baby Antonio.
Anyway, that looks good.
There's Koko eating daifuku with a little Racco.
There's Ada and Dez at their 420 apartment.
- Oh, yeah. - There's little Simone pumping iron.
Look, here's Pierrston Facetiming Racco.
That's cute.
Here's Pierrston all smushed in his chair.
Oh, yeah.
We, um-- We saw this big-ass crack
and I thought I could fit.
- Peace. - Peace.
Oh, there's Pete setting a trap.
Oh, yeah, okay. Back to that trap story.
All of a sudden I'm getting really cold
because the wind's blowing and I didn't have my knife with me.
I couldn't cut that stick to...
To release myself.
And then, I hear a Ski-Doo coming.
Hey, what's up?
I just had the craziest fucking dream.
Look.
Hey, there's Rusty.
Oh, Rusty.
Showing off his tattoo he gave himself in jail.
- There's Rusty with his owl friend. - There's that owl.
Because of encephalitis, he couldn't pronounce a lot of his words,
so he ended up sounding like Marlon Brando
when he was recovering.
So, he sounded like the Godfather for a while.
It was a winter time...
I forget what year it was.
I was driving this old lady to her son's house...
and uh...
I looked up and this owl was circling.
And then I stuck my arm out for the hell of it to see if it would land
and sure enough it landed,
which was surprising to me.
And I tried to get him to leave and he wouldn't leave.
So I pulled my Ski-Doo, started it up.
I went to the Northern Store.
He's still on my arm and I'm using one hand on the throttle
I stopped at the store and he's still on my arm.
Walked in there with that owl.
There was a whole bunch of people taking pictures of it
That's right, I went to...
the manager's office there.
He took my pictures of it too.
And...
then outside I thought he was gonna flew off.
He never flew off, and then I started my Ski-Doo.
Went to my late mom's
and that's where my mom's seen it too.
Their legs taste good in winter.
- Kohkum! - Number one Kohkum!
And then I drove, which is about 2 miles from my late mom's.
He's still there, and I'm using one hand on the throttle
all the way home.
Who-- Who...?
What the what?!
Who's that?
And then my father-in-law said, "Let it go."
I said, "It won't leave me."
Hey, Racco, this part of the story is by
your Uncle Pete's brother Rusty Redhead.
He's not blood-related to you,
but we still call him 'uncle' or 'brother'.
And he was abducted when he was a kid.
And I heard he was at a store buying smokes for his grandma,
and the RCMP and a nurse
put him on a plane and took him away and brought him to a residential school,
where he stayed there and stayed away from his mom and grandma,
who had no idea where he went,
and he didn't return until he was 19.
And the Canadian government did this all over Canada.
What's the matter?
I'll tell you about that-- I'll tell you about that another time.
And then my father-in-law said, "Let it go."
So I gave it a little peck on the beak.
And then I went like this and patted my arm...
and he flew off.
People say that I have a special gift for that
and I don't know what they mean by that.
Holy moly, that's wild.
Alright, Rusty, we heard you were illegally keeping a wild animal
- as a pet in here. - Nope.
Do you have an owl inside the house?
- Are you keeping an owl as a pet in here? - It flew off.
Are you illegally harbouring an owl
as a pet in your house right now?
- I said, no! - Rusty!
- Go fuck yourself - Sorry. What'd you say?
- I said, no! - Oh.
Go fuck yourself.
Alright, Rusty.
Hey, Cookie. That's my balloon.
Hey!
Hey, Cookie. That's my balloon.
Cookie, give Simone her balloon back.
Holy moly.
Hey, let me tell you my dream before I forget.
Oh, yeah.
I was looking around, it was like all foggy.
I can't see anything.
I could hear, like, these chanting,
like these Native people came outta nowhere.
Like the fog was started-- Like, disappearing.
All of a sudden they're standing around me and they're looking at me.
And they're like, real, real old.
I saw this old lady looking at me,
standing next to a-- It was like a tall guy.
And that's when I woke up and I was like, "What the fuck was that?"
Wow.
Wow, it sounds like our ancestors are trying to stay in touch with you.
We turned the fridge off because we're recording, just so you know, Antonio.
Alright.
Okay, so, what happened next in that trap story?
It was hurting, like really hurting a lot.
And I'm getting really cold, 'cause the wind's blowing,
and I didn't have my parka on.
And I hear a Ski-Doo coming.
And I'm really-- I'm sitting there,
really embarrassed that I'm--
I caught myself in my own trap.
And I sat there fooling around with these twigs
and I was sticking them in the snow, trying to look like I'm trapping.
I'm kind of covering the trap where my hand is and I'm like,
I don't want them to see me, that I've trapped myself.
And whoever it was slowed down and, I guess, looked at me
and then kept going.
And then I was sitting there for about half an hour
and I'm starting to get really cold.
So, I couldn't press the one side and get the latch on,
the safety latch, to keep it closed.
And I didn't know what to do, so I thought, "Okay,"
so I pulled the string off my sweatpants.
So, I tied it around the-- On the spring part
and I pulled it tight,
then I held it with my teeth, pulled it tight again.
And then I leaned on it, like, with my knee
and pulled it even tighter,
then I held the string with my teeth and just kept pulling it.
And finally, I leaned on it
and I managed to wrap it around and tie it.
Then, on the other side, I just managed to--
I got a hold of the spring and I just squeezed it enough
to get my hand out of the trap.
And when I got my hand out of it,
you could see these indents right here
where it just, like, sunk into my skin till...
The skin on the sides were touching. It was like--
So, it was like that.
So...
I was really glad after I got that out.
Holy moly.
You know what, Seth?
I've been learning Russian for no reason.
What's this?
It's the Russian alphabet.
Oh, wow.
It's so neatly written.
Privet.
That means "hello" in Russian.
- You ever think about learning Cree? - Oh, yeah.
Whoa. What's this drawing?
Oh, that's a drawing I made.
I called it a Mawler.
Oh, so cool.
What kind of noise would a thing like this make?
Oh, that's very nice. Nice work, Simone.
What are you working on, little Cookie?
- So, I'm not a little Cookie anymore. - I know, I always forget.
Yeah, this movie's taking you so long, my voice has changed.
Oh, yeah, and Antonio and Avanis have a baby now,
little Pierrston.
It took you so long to make this movie.
You started this movie when I was ten, but now I'm 19.
So, anyway, I've been working on my own animation. Check it out.
SLEEP OVER BY COOKIE SCRIVER
My friend decided to sleep over one night,
and it was just a normal night like anything else.
But I went into sleep paralysis
and every time I let him know that I was in sleep paralysis--
'Cause, obviously, in sleep paralysis you can't move
or you can't speak, but you can only see.
Every time I'm in sleep paralysis,
it feels like-- like someone's holding me down or pushing my face.
So, I let him know that I was in sleep paralysis
by breathing harshly, like...
Or like, just making any kind of weird sounds with my throat.
And he kept waking me up.
I didn't know that he saw something
standing over my bed, looking down at us.
And he realized that, as it got bigger, it was a smile and it was looking at us.
It was probably seven feet tall, just all black,
a black silhouette, and it had white eyes staring at us,
and it had a huge white smile looking down at us.
And I didn't know that until this morning
and he told me that 'cause he didn't want to freak me out.
Well, that's a scary story, Cookie.
That's totally scary.
Pretty cool, too, though.
Strength is in truth.
Ain't that the truth.
Holy Smokes!
I didn't know you could speak Russian.
Yeah
Don't try to teach your grandma to suck eggs.
Why would I ever do that?
It's just an old saying.
Thank you.
You're welcome
Yeah, I--
I do not trust myself in front of a wheel in real life,
but in video games, I'm the best.
I can handle the wheel no problem.
The driving wheel?
The driving, yeah. Any vehicle.
So, you can drive...
I can drive the Ghost from Halo,
the Wraith, the Scorpion, any...
The Warthog from Halo Reach is my specialty.
- You never crashed? - Never crashed.
Really?
- Never. - That's surprising.
Never.
I can drive no problem in a video game,
but in real life, that's a different story.
Thank you, juicy fat rat, for giving me your life.
I'm gonna use every part of you.
Sweet.
Thank you for giving us your life, you juicy, juicy fat rat.
Well, bon appetit.
Yeah.
Yeah, not bad.
Yeah, not bad at all.
I was hoping I could record...
you sing a song, or I was hoping I could record you
do a little drumming for that animation I've been working on.
- You're still working on that? - Yeah.
Even though it's after the end of the world?
Yeah, I got a deadline extension.
Cool.
Yeah, man, totally.
I know the perfect song for it, too.
I can sing the "Ancestor's Song"
and you know, this looks like a perfect spot for it, too,
'cause this river looks like it needs some healing.
Yeah. And what is that thing in there?
A shopping cart with a...
death-claw egg?
Does it usually glow and smell like that?
Not naturally. But you know what?
That smell reminds me
of that one time I threw a stink bomb
inside of my grandmother's room when I was little.
So, I hope she forgives me for that.
Oh, yeah, she'd totally forgive you for that.
She loved you.
Yeah, I heard she would look for visions in her cigarette smoke.
Supposedly, she visited me in the dream world
and told me to look after you while you were in Toronto.
And Pete was telling me that she was super proud
of her English in the dream.
They say that the ancient ways
and the ancient knowledge
is sleeping in us
and will awaken again someday.
Oh, not bad, not bad.
Okay, guys, dinner's ready. Astam!
Oh, I think they're all out of the tipi.
Hey, wow. Looks great.
Hey, wow. Looks like-- It looks like it's done.
We're finished. Now, we can hang out in it.
Yeah, we're done.
This guy said that our great-grandpa
built one exactly like this.
Ooh, whose shaking tent is this?
This one is the same as the one your grandpa used to use.
I found out my grandfather was one of those people who ran the shaking tent.
They called it the kosabatcigan.
It means like where you went
and sat and concentrated to have a vision.
They were able to pass messages on to another person
that was operating a shaking tent. It was, um...
It's like the way the internet works now.
You can turn it on, dial up somebody and talk to them.
But they used smoke to sort of look into it.
It's like a screen to see where all the animals would be,
you know, where they would go to go hunt.
And my grandfather mainly used it for hunting,
for providing food for his community, his family.
Hey, come on in, come on in and eat.
I made Caribou.
Dinner's ready, guys. Come on in.
Astam. It's caribou.
Perfect timing. I'm starving.
Eat this. It's good for you.
My kids never believe me when I say that.
"Eat this, it's good for you," and it's like...
they're really like backing away.
Come on, eat this. It's good for you.
It's caribou.
Caribou? Oh, yeah. I love caribou.
Ooh, caribou soup.
This tastes so good. I missed this.
Yum. Caribou.
Yum.
Yum. Caribou.
Mum-mum. Delicious.
Mum-mum.
Caribou soup!
I'm trying to say something yummy in Cree.
You say, wîhkasin wiyâs.
Wîhkasin wiyâs.
Yeah, wîhkasin...
Wîhkasin.
...wiyâs.
It means, "meat tastes good."
Wait. Can you say it again?
- Wîhkasin... - Wîhkasin...
wiyâs.
Wîhkasin wee-ass.
Oh.
I don't think your sound's on.
I don't think your sound--
I don't think my sound was on.
Yeah, we noticed.
Oh!
Um, so what do you think of the future?
I like the idea of looking after family and friends
and sticking together and taking care of each other.
What Stuart said is very personal.
What I think of is looking in the past.
You can look in the past. You can look in the past,
even 10,000 years ago, and it can still help you.
The past is an endless...
An endless cookie?
Yeah, the past is an endless cookie.
Just like you, little Cookie.
Except for you're finite. What do you think, Pete?
Well, it's just like what Pat said.
This is something our late mom said
about Native people.
She was talking about her late father, who was...
I guess what you'd call a medicine man,
but they called those people mitêwininiw.
That sort of means like "medicine man".
But one day, they stopped all that stuff.
And like, a lot of people said that stuff died.
And then, my mom had said that
those things have just been put away for the time being.
But they'll rise up again,
at the very end, before it's too late.
So, then they don't-- And then, there was a lot of people
who don't talk about stuff like that because,
if you don't talk about it, nobody will know about it.
So, that's sort of my only idea
for everywhere, I guess,
and everyone that, yeah,
you look to the past,
trying to make it easier for the future.
Yum. Mum-mum.