GET HELP
Who's Doctor Scuteri?
BOARD OF LAZIO PSYCHOLOGISTS
- And who are you?
- Benedetta Fabiani, her lawyer.
This is an official proceeding.
Every word spoken in this court has legal status.
Let me ask again.
You're a lawyer?
I attended Psychology for six months.
I met my client there.
Then I switched to Law school.
How long did you last?
Um, about a year.
That's something. Congratulations.
Thanks.
You know the proceeding doesn't involve any lawyer, alleged or otherwise?
- Are you listening, Dr. Scuteri? - Yes.
Fine. You can stay.
- Thanks. - Sit.
As you know, we started this proceeding
because of an anonymous complaint that included proof
of repeated violations of Article 28 of the Code of Conduct
by Doctor Scuteri.
Anything to say in your defense?
A FEW MONTHS EARLIER
MONDAY MARCH 25
Babe.
Oh, you're awake?
I'm a bit anxious. My last ten years are at stake today.
I told you, but you don't trust me.
It's not that.
I do trust you.
I told you, without sailboat the garage will flood, and...
Onions will fall from above.
- What? - Onions!
Here.
I'd like to serve you coffee in bed for once.
I like our little ritual.
It smells so good.
How do you feel?
Awfully agitated.
Come on. You're so good.
Too good for online psychotherapy counseling.
There's no difference between online and in person therapy.
Maybe. I'm taking the car. I'm late.
Fine, Benedetta's driving me.
Shall I pack your breakfast?
Are you sure about that dress?
You look like a Teletubby.
I like this one.
Don't you?
Oh, God! Who died?
The one we picked made me look like a Teletubby.
So you went for Wednesday Addams.
Hop on.
You know, me and Francesco have been dating for eight months.
- How's things? - Good.
Go again.
When things are too good,
blemish is next.
Arse pounding.
So, what did I do?
I checked his phone.
You don't do that.
What did you find?
Nothing!
So clean you could eat off it. And...
I don't know why I did it.
Self-sabotage.
Fear of happiness. That's a classic.
As Albert Ellis said--
Do not analyze me first thing in the morning, please.
You still need to get the job.
How's things with Stefano?
Good.
As always.
Ten years and kicking.
What?
Well, me and him always said
we'd stay like this while I studied,
and when I started working...
I know you're allergic to marriage. Don't be cynical.
- Thank you. - Good luck.
Bye.
I'm looking for a way to calm down
A pounding noise, a palpitation Straight from my heart
It's anxiety
Tip tap on toe heels Wriggle like a loony eel
Looking for affection to calm down
Chico bonito, a ring on my finger If love sucks, I get anxiety
Anxiety
Ah
Oh, God.
Alessandra Scuteri?
Yeah.
Your mouth is...
Is it gone?
Follow me.
Please.
Water?
- Please. - Thanks.
Doctor Scuteri, your resume is impressing.
Full marks with honors, postgraduate studies, internships.
But it's still not enough to meet our standards.
- That's minimum requirements. - We're looking for excellence.
Our ideal candidate is trustworthy,
competent, emphatic and most importantly ethic.
Are you that person?
Y--Yeah.
Why, do you think?
It's like a wave.
Like a wave.
Like a wave. A wave.
Like a wave.
That's... interesting.
We'll be in touch.
What's "Like a wave"?
Panic.
Crash against it, it breaks, you'll chug.
Hold your nose and dive in, you'll come out of it unscathed.
My therapist taught me that, when I was a kid. I had thousand questions.
That's why I'm the right person for this job.
I've been on the other side.
I know the importance of listening,
of immersing your self into another self.
I thought I'd come here today
elegant and confident,
and I look like a cuttlefish just exploded on my face.
We change constantly, one second at a time.
That's our job.
As therapists.
Guiding patients through change.
I feel shaken Agitated
A bit nervous too
Taxi!
As acid as someone can be Like a--
I feel gigantic
Like a city A city, a giant
I'm acid I only hear you
Tell me what that is
Always acid Acid for me, acid for you
Acid What is that
Look.
Hey!
Good morning. I need to park.
Taken. You blind?
Taken by whom?
My wife dropped the kid to judo but she's coming back.
You can't do that. That's not proper.
Sue me. I'll see you in court. Kisses.
Where are the eggplants from?
Eggplants very good, ma'am.
Thanks so much.
I don't understand. What's the act for?
When I speak Italian,
I can feel their disappointment.
Actually I know fuck all where the eggplants are from.
- Anyway, what do you need? - A drink.
To celebrate.
Something sparkling.
Franciacorta, champagne, prosecco?
I don't know. Um, what does Stefano like?
What does Stefano like?
Quick or I'll pee on your floor.
Here you go.
It's 55 euros?
Champagne very good, white lady.
I have no change.
- Really? - Listen.
These are seven euros, but there's a discount for you.
- The receipt? - You're holding it.
- Hi. - Hi.
Babe.
Are you leaving?
Something happened at home?
Is your mom sick?
The dog.
Your cousin Alberta.
Damn, not your cousin Alberta.
She's so fragile, she already went through hell, and...
She won't make it.
I wrote it all in a note.
All of what?
I'M SORRY
He's sorry about what?
Hi.
- I decide everything. - Yeah.
- Good. - I get it.
"I get it, Mistress!"
I get it, Mistress.
Do we really have to do it?
- Shut up. - Ouch.
Babe, did I hurt you?
- Yeah, honey, a bit. - So sorry.
Please, pick up. Do it for me.
- Don't move. - Fine.
- Hey, all good? - So good.
- I've been hired. - Godspeed!
It's all so good.
- Hey! - Can you please come?
- Coming right now. - Untie me first.
Coming.
Here.
Drink. All of it. Go on.
What's that?
It's "Retroactive Amnesia". To forget your trouble.
Drink. What?
I broke a thousand times and I'm still here, right?
Well done.
How's that?
You were the one that broke it.
Huge difference, believe me.
I think he has another woman.
- I don't think so. - How can you be sure?
I occasionally checked his phone.
You wha--?
- You said you don't do it. - Please focus!
Oh, God.
Well... Then he's gay.
- I don't think so. - You know that how?
I checked his browser history.
I'm sorry.
But...
Tell me. You two...
Twice a week.
Usually on Tuesday and Friday.
Well, after ten years...
Benedetta, Stefano was unhappy.
- I don't know. - Damn, I'm a psychologist.
How couldn't I realize?
- Sometimes things up closer get blurry. - Right.
- I have a right to know why he left. - Just call him.
He blocked me.
I called his friends, they blocked me too.
- Who are you calling? - His mom.
Honey, I know it's been a bad day, but please,
put that phone away and no one gets hurt. Leave the old lady alone.
We'll find out the truth, I promise.
Oh, sweetie.
Can you sleep over tonight?
Hey.
Sandra.
Sandra!
What are you doing here?
I heard noises and thought he was back.
Oh, please.
I have to go to work. It's okay if I take your pajamas?
I can't go out like that.
Like a dominatrix. Oh, God.
- All good? - Hmm.
Come on, please don't.
I'll call you later.
Let me-- You good?
Don't worry, please.
Start working at Fattivedere.com at 9.
- Hi, can I help you? - Is Giorgio in?
He's... not.
- He's spending the week on a sailboat. - Really?
Yeah.
Where?
- Croatia. - Where in Croatia?
Where in Croatia?
- Croatia, northbound... - In Dubrovnik!
I went to Dubrovnik.
Sorry, I told you it was difficult to pronounce.
I should have told you "Split".
Yeah.
Hi, Sandra.
Where is he?
Listen, Sandra...
Don't get me in the way.
- I know nothing about your issues-- - Issues?
What issues? So he talked to you.
Talked? He came here and said you're done.
I patted his back, offered him a beer and...
We talked about Fanta's team-up.
Okay, I'm calming down.
I'm not asking you to betray his trust.
I'm not asking you for his address.
I mean, I won't turn it down...
Just talk to him.
He owes me an explanation.
Hey, Sandra.
I'm sorry.
That's what he wrote.
God damn.
There's a gun pointed at your back.
- What do you want? - Calm down.
I'm taking something.
I'm Marco Zetelli.
Private investigator, master of disguise.
Master of tailing, not so much.
A private investigator?
I could tell there was no gun.
You need two fingers to properly fake a gun and scare people.
The question stays. What do you want?
Your ex hired me.
My ex?
- You know my ex? - I work for him.
Oh, God. Where is he? How's he doing?
- I don't know if I can tell. - Please.
He's in the area.
He misses you.
I miss him too, but he wouldn't talk.
Maybe he dealt with his unsolved trauma.
- Wait. Wait! - He want to start again--
Wait. You're the one who won't talk.
You left him, you vanished.
You're not Ginevra Rigoli?
- I'm not. - Fuck.
Who's Ginevra Rigoli?
Someone that looks a like you.
As a private investigator, you suck.
Easy with that tongue.
You look exactly alike. Never happened in ten years of work.
- At your age, just ten years? - Yeah. Okay?
There. Okay?
Here. Listen.
So you can forgive me. If you need me to tail anyone...
Here's my card. Take it.
I'll give you a discount.
LOGIN WITH YOUR CREDENTIALS
Who's that now?
PERSONAL PROFILE - SANDRA ROBBIATI DOCTOR IN NEUROSCIENCE AND RECOVERY
- Good morning. - Good morning.
- There must have been... - This is Fattivedere.com's voicemail.
For technical support, press 1.
Thanks for choosing our technical consultants.
Your queue number is 74. If you want to be called back, press 1.
Let's say I'm gonna be Sandra Robbiati today.
Okay, we're going live.
NEXT PATIENT WAITING START SESSION
Hi, I'm Sandra. Welcome to Fattivedere.com. How can I help you?
Who... Who's your surgeon?
Oh, no. A system bug assigned me another ID, but it's just for today.
You can change therapist if you wish.
No, it's okay.
- I'm Marla. - Good morning, Marla.
- What do you want to talk about? - It's my first time in therapy.
I don't know, I mean... "The doctor of the crazies."
I sleep very bad at night.
And when I do I wake up in a pool of sweat.
Tell me, Marla...
Why do you think that happens?
I'm about to marry.
Maybe it's because of that.
Oh, well.
How long have you been engaged?
Ten years.
- Really? - I'm sorry?
I said, go on.
- We love each other a lot, but... - Yes.
I'm not really sure I can trust that person.
I understand.
Men are weird.
After ten years, they wake up one day
and decide to erase everything.
Well, actually...
I'm marrying a woman.
Oh, well, forget everything I just said.
It's going to be a success. Good for you.
- Good for us? - Yeah.
You can do without men.
I mean, really, I'd love to be a lesbian.
There should be courses for it.
SESSION TERMINATED BY PATIENT CLOSE
SESSION BEGINS IN
Hi, I'm Sandra. Welcome to Fattivedere.com. How can I help you?
Good morning. You are younger...
Yeah, sorry, it's a system bug.
If I'm too young for you, you can change therapist.
No, I already have an old woman's opinion, and it's mine.
Let's have your take on my issues.
- Okay, then. That's sister... - Gunilla.
Okay, sister Gunilla.
Okay, what do you want to talk about?
The bishop suggested, I mean, he strongly advised me
to work on my anger management.
- Your? - Anger management, fuck!
- What? You're judging me? - No, God forbid.
ANGER MANAGEMENT FUCK FUCK
Hi, here we are. Hi, Doctor. I'm Stefano Paladini. Just a sec.
Let me get my headphones or they'll go missing as socks in the washer
and only one's left.
Oh! See?
I'm going to have therapy with the boss.
Not bad.
Doctor?
Is someone there?
- It means it didn't have to happen. - No, no.
TURN OFF WEBCAM
- Goodbye.
- No!
What's going on?
Good morning.
- Hello.
- Everything fine?
I'm Sandra and...
What?
Welcome to Fattivedere.com.
How can I help you?
I'm happy to know that you're there.
Your cam? It seems to be off.
The webcam is...
It went off.
I'm not really tech savvy.
I don't know how to fix it. But I'll work on it.
Okay.
Anyway, you asked me how you could help.
I don't know that.
I started feeling anxious...
to feel...
this need of...
facing these issues...
You know how it is.
What do you think?
Young man, the issues are many and...
If you want to continue on this path,
we should...
go through them one by one.
If you wish.
Sure, that's up to you.
Anyway, thanks.
I already feel better. Talking was good for me.
Same here.
What do you mean?
Same here. I'm under the impression you're way more relaxed
than you were 50 minutes ago.
Well, okay.
See you next time.
Is Tuesday okay for you?
What if we did it...
on Tuesday and Friday?
What do you think?
Sure.
Yeah.
- Perfect. See you on Friday. - Wait!
I have a question for you.
- Yes. - How come...
among all...
others on site...
you chose me?
I like your name.
See you on Friday.
He likes my name.
Get it?
He didn't chose a Giorgia.
A Miriam.
He chose a Sandra.
It's not so much that you're pathetic. I mean...
You are. The fact is, if they catch you, you're banned for life.
Ten years of studying down the drain for what? An information?
Yeah. If...
More so if following that information I'll go back to living.
Benny, I'm pausing.
Trying to understand why he decided to throw it all away.
I'm not like you.
Favoring sensations over emotions, if you know what I mean.
Oh, I do know. You just said that I'm a whore, right?
- No. - Pardon.
That's not what I meant.
I grew up thinking "Marriage" and "Forever".
As amazing as you are, you're a black belt in "Seize the day".
- You don't care about marriage. - Okay.
Just tell him on Friday.
Love life can go to shit
but you should keep your professional one, uh?
You're right. You are. I'll tell him on Friday.
Okay.
NEXT PATIENT WAITING START SESSION
I'll tell him now.
Doctor.
Good evening, Stefano.
Before we begin, I need to tell you something important.
Me too.
Alright.
- Please do.
- No, please do.
No, please do.
- Sure?
- Just go on!
Please. You're the patient.
Listen, I...
Last time I didn't say it all.
There was a person in my life
up until recently.
Same name as yours.
And, I don't talk
about it, I don't think
I'm here because of it.
Or maybe I am.
We've been together ten years.
Maybe it's the case
we discuss it in therapy.
Understand why it's over.
Maybe not today.
I don't think I'm ready.
Okay, Stefano, don't worry.
We have time for that.
I had a weird dream last night.
I was at the zoo with my parents.
My mother was a llama.
She looked at me and-- Excuse me?
Didn't you have something to say?
I can't remember it. Go on with the zoo.
Yeah.
It's like...
What about your cam?
Oh, you're right.
I'll call an expert.
MARCO ZETELLI PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR
Oh, honey, no.
Honey, my ass!
Hey, no!
Please, don't cry, don't...
Okay. Fine. Breathe.
Not to sound rude, but we need to talk about my pay.
How can you think about money right now?
Don't you have a heart?
I sold it down the road. For money.
You're a beast.
- I need your help. - Hey.
Hi.
You came.
Need me to tail someone?
No, you're not really good at it.
I need a disguise.
I have to become her.
- Want to run for Mrs. Doubtfire? - Is it doable?
Yeah, but it'll cost you.
I have 323 euros on my account.
Well, follow me, please.
- Come. - No, please.
You don't buy a fake nose with 323 euros.
Next session's on Tuesday. I can't tell him the cam's broken.
I have to be credible. Wait.
Maybe you don't think you're up to par.
That's why.
- You fear failure. - That's reverse psychology.
It won't work.
Marco, please, I need to know.
I'd be willing to do it another way, but there isn't.
I said it won't work!
Who taught you to do that?
As a kid I was crazy about Diabolik.
I wanted to wear a mask and become someone else.
A typical display of emulation
underlining low self-esteem
and a touch of imposter syndrome.
All of that because of Diabolik?
- Yeah, considering that-- - Okay, stop.
My brain is a safe and I don't have a combination for it.
Many tried to crack it and failed.
Please, go in the other room,
- you'll find a thing to wear. - As you wish!
I won't peep, I promise.
- Hey. - Okay. I got it.
Don't forget the contact lenses. You'll find them there.
Okay, thanks.
- Et voila! - Wow.
It's identical.
You're my masterwork.
Were I 75 with a titanium hip, I'd find you irresistible.
BOARD OF LAZIO PSYCHOLOGISTS
You did the Mrs. Doubtfire thing
to a patients?
You call her that too?
There's history.
The Parente - Mainini case, in 1995. The movie had just been released.
And... Just out of curiosity...
What was the outcome?
Parente was banned.
Objection, Your Honor!
You always wanted to say that, right?
- What happened after that? - After that...
I did a test run.
To see if they would recognize me.
Excuse me. Where are the carrots from?
Carrots very good, ma'am.
Thank you.
Doctor.
- Good morning.
You fixed it. Nice to see you.
- Everything okay?
- Yeah.
The picture doesn't do you any justice.
I've heard it often.
Let's not talk about me.
Let's talk about you.
- How are you today? - Fine.
Today I've been thinking to something that happened with my mom when I was a kid.
It's related to...
my bike, I always loved cycling...
You can say that the mother's role
is not really relevant, in psychology.
why don't you talk to me about your ex?
I'm under the impression
that it's very important for you.
Tell me...
why did it end?
Too early to talk about that.
I'll wait.
Goodbye, Stefano.
Goodbye.
THE FISH TOOK THE BAIT
How are you, babe
Where are you going tonight
It's so scary around you
The world is ending
I'm a queen over the ruins
But I don't know what to save
I'm broken I already miss you
Sweet eyes, broken hearts It's so scary, like the wind
This Earth will disappear
In the silence of a massive crisis
I'm waving you goodbye with love
With my hands, with my hands Bye bye
Channel the grandma within.
With my feet Bye bye
With my head, with my chest With my heart, bye bye
Looser! Okay!
With my legs, with my ass With my eyes, bye bye
Here I am, sister Gunilla. Sorry if I'm late.
I hate waiting!
Let's talk about that time my trainer left me benched at the finals.
We got there because of me--
So boring!
You were saying?
I think I hate my kids. Am I insane?
It depends.
It depends on what?
On your kids.
That day I realized my sister had finally become a woman.
She had divided socks from shirts.
And she folded it all...
What happened to your face?
With my feet, with my feet Bye bye
Oh, thanks.
With my ass, with my eyes Bye bye
With my head, with my chest With my heart
Good night, bonne nuit Bye bye
Good night, it's the end I'm waving at you, bye bye
Good night, bonne nuit Bonne nuit, bye bye
Bye bye Bye bye
As I eat chocolate in a place
I'm taken over by social vertigo
As I read a crap newspaper
In the city the world war is on
Bye
Your eyes sparkle.
I'm proud of you.
You were going to ruin it all because of Stefano,
but actually you resisted and now you're fine.
Not because of him.
Listen. Me and you...
We've been friends for how long?
What, a million years?
And we haven't had secrets in a million years, right?
- No... - I'll get married next month!
I wanted to tell you on the day Stefano left you, but you know...
- You'll get married? - Yeah.
- You? - Yes, me! It's unbelievable.
And I was sober when I agreed to it.
Am I invited?
Worse than that. You'll be my bridesmaid.
I booked an appointment for the wedding dress!
What the fuck is going on with me?
Nothing is going on.
- You're in love. - Ah.
Do you get better?
Unfortunately, you do.
- Tell your friend. It won't work. - Where are we going?
You said, no questions.
I lied.
I never go higher than third floor. I have vertigo.
Okay. Easy.
Just breathe.
There. See? We have arrived.
- All good? - Yeah.
There.
Have you ever been in love?
I mean, in love...
that you can't eat...
can't sleep...
or breathe...
Obviously that's a strictly professional question.
Obviously.
No, never.
When you're in the middle of it, you think you do.
When you get closer, the image...
gets blurry.
Talking about images.
Where are you?
There you are.
In this line of work, I've seen betrayals you people wouldn't believe.
There you are.
- No! - What?
I can't see the face with that scarf. Face's the first thing they ask for,
No, no!
Fuck!
End of the show.
What now?
We wait for them to get out. Possibly until morning.
You go home.
They pay me to stay.
You're kidding, right?
This is the most exciting thing I have ever experienced.
We'll take turns.
We're out of time, Stefano.
We'll talk about it next time.
Goodbye.
See you.
They're cleaning the streets tonight. I have to move my car!
Could you be so kind as to let me park?
The spot is taken, ma'am.
It doesn't look taken.
I'm quite old. I can't park too far. Be kind.
At your age, you shouldn't be driving.
Buy a travel card next time. You'll save, too, and be fine.
Okay, fuckhead. I'm counting to ten. If you don't move, I'll drive over you, okay?
You what?
Idiot.
I'm gonna show him.
One.
Two.
- Ten. - Hey!
- Thanks. - Ouch.
With a perfect timing, I got a text
from a a girl I haven't been hearing from in a while,
- I was happy-- - Stefano, it's evident.
You said you wanted to explore.
Yet you said you have yet to go out with a girl,
despite having been invited.
Maybe you're not completely sold.
You're right.
You're right. I'm running in circles.
I have to jump right in. You know what?
When we're done, I'll download Drool.
What?
It's a dating app.
Maybe you don't even know what an app is.
- It's a virtual meeting place, - I don't know...
where I met...
I fucked up.
It's "I fucked up again".
I fucked up again.
Shoot.
I was talking to Stefano,
The old woman was talking to him, not you.
Anyway, I don't know how it happened.
I suggested a dating app to him. He signed up.
Well?
- Well! - Well what?
Apps are for losers.
It will turn in your favor.
He'll realize he fucked up by leaving a girl like you.
You're cute in trying to cheer me up.
What if he finds someone hotter than me and gets engaged?
We have to show him that the outer world is a cold, inhospitable place.
We have to destroy his life.
He needs to become so unhappy that he'll come back to me.
You know you're creepy, right?
Yes, I don't care.
Will you help me?
- Okay. Find his ID-- - Done.
Stefano31.
He's like, the king of imagination, right?
You sure he's an accountant? I mean...
Come on.
- Okay. What's his type? - I thought I was.
Blonde, very tall and thin.
Summer on the mountains and winter on the beach.
He's crazy about Eastern European auteur cinema.
So fucking boring.
DO NOT PUNCH THE TABLE
Wow, your friend is hot.
I have no ugly friends.
And we need her to be hot.
How did you convince her?
Don't tell me she's a prostitute.
A what?
She quit.
I'm joking, right?
Think it'll work?
It won't work. It already did. We matched.
- The bastard. - He just texted.
"Hi, how are you?"
What a genius! How does he do?
Stop fucking around and pick up my ex!
That's the weirdest sentence I've ever uttered.
Seriously?
Battleship Potemkin?
Culture will do you good.
He has a passion for Russian cinema.
Sure, because it's cool.
"A 92 minutes standing ovation."
You know about it only because of Fantozzi.
You don't know it.
They're coming!
Fuck, she's hotter than the pictures.
She is.
This is one of Eisenstein's most iconic works.
If you want to understand early 20th century cinema,
this masterwork is mandatory.
Didn't he invent editing...
Did you instruct her properly?
Yeah.
shocking the viewer by juxtaposing
segmented and contradictory shots?
Right.
- I have to go to the toilet. - Now?
Yeah. I'll be back.
Go.
I'm ready.
Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck!
You're... You're just back from a party?
Stefano, I have a bad case of conjunctivitis.
My nephews left these eyeglasses here.
So, how was your experience with...
- Drool? - Right.
- I deleted it. - Oh.
I went to Eisenstein movie marathon
with a girl.
She was very pretty, but left before
the stroller scene.
- Oh.
- She left without a word.
And she blocked me on all networks.
That was horrible.
It hurts, uh?
It's called "ghosting".
It's considered
a form of violence, you know?
Yes, but I'm done with that stuff.
I'd rather focus on the good things I have.
The ones you had, too.
It was better, though. Coming back home, on the underground train,
a gorgeous girl reading The Great Gatsby
sat next to me.
It's one of my favorite books, you know?
You didn't even finish it.
- We started talking and... - Really?
Yes. We'll go on a date tomorrow.
Yes, we will, and this thing...
It excites me.
Fate is amazing.
And an asshole.
- What?
- What did you say?
- Nothing.
Where are you going to take that girl?
One of my friends has a nice bar.
I'll take her there.
Tomorrow, you said?
- And... - Yeah.
Cocktail time, more or less?
This is serious.
BOARD OF LAZIO PSYCHOLOGISTS
Your actions cast a bad light
on the board you belong to.
For now.
Listen to me.
You may have a nice shirt, but just tell me...
Who are you to judge my friend?
I'm literally the person who has to judge her.
That's what we're here for, in case you don't know.
Okay, right.
My friend is just a human being.
An amazing human being.
Tell me, and be honest...
Didn't you ever think about seducing one of your patients?
I'm an early childhood psychotherapist.
I'll take that as a no.
If it's any consolation,
THE DAY AFTER AT COCKTAIL TIME
WEDNESDAY JULY 17 18:47
God, it's quite revealing.
- Hey, you ready? - Go!
- Do you like it? - Wow!
- So pretty. - Amazing.
- Gorgeous. - My ass looks massive in it.
- What? You're amazing. - No?
- Not my thing. - It is.
- Try another one. - That's what I want.
What a shame. That was a perfect fit.
It's the first one I try.
Sorry, miss? Let's try the other one.
Yeah, let's try that.
What a shame, though. It was a perfect fit.
- What do you think, Mom? - Yeah.
Try it on.
I loved the first one. Want some?
No, thanks.
Okay. Oh, God, that's so tight. It's impossible.
- What do you think? - It's amazing!
- You said the same earlier. - Yeah, but it is amazing.
It fits you perfectly.
Don't I look like a meringue?
Everybody likes meringues.
- Not my thing. Right, Mom? - It's not.
I'm trying another one.
- What about this? - That's it!
Is it?
Better than the last one?
Way better. Less meringuey, too.
That's weird. I didn't change dress! Tell me what's going on!
- Nothing. - With the phone in our face! What's up?
I want to help you choose the perfect dress for the perfect wedding.
And... Oh, God, my cousin just had an accident.
I have to go.
- Sandra! - I'll talk to you later. It's serious.
Sandra!
- Your friend... - She's an incredible asshole!
Sandra! wait here, Mom.
Oh, my God. So hard.
I'm reading the five essays now.
You're so pretty!
Your cousin had an accident. Really?
I taught you that move.
How did you know he was here?
I bought a meringuey dress to follow you!
You could at least tell the truth.
I camouflaged as an old hag to continue the therapy
- and have him come back to me. - What?
You're completely insane!
You want to throw it all away for an asshole,
that's your problem.
My problem is that, since that asshole left you,
you never asked me how I feel. Not once.
You're fine.
- You're going to get married. - Yeah.
Maybe I wake up at night thinking I'm making a huge mistake,
and I'd like to talk about it to my best friend.
Why didn't you say?
It's impossible to talk to you.
You're an attention black hole.
You suck it all up.
You don't get it.
- No? - No. I spent ten years with him.
Ten years.
I feel like a complete failure.
You don't know what it feels like. You never spent ten years in a relationship.
You're marrying someone you met five minutes ago,
that maybe you don't even love, because you're afraid to remain alone.
You're wrong.
I spent ten years of my life in a relationship.
With you!
Quite the fucking waste of time!
What are you doing?
I'm adding to my wedding to do list,
"Find a new bridesmaid." The old one is a jerk!
It's like a wave.
Like a wave.
Where are you?
Drinking alone?
Hey.
No. I mean, technically yes, but no.
I'm following our faithful husband.
Him again?
He's a smart bastard.
He's not exactly a Latin lover.
Rule number one.
Never trust appearances.
- Well? What's up? - Benedetta.
My soon to be bride friend.
We said horrible things. We never fought like that.
Okay, that's my take.
Crises have a purpose.
Time will tell if what you have is real or not.
You know, you're a...
- What do you drink? - I never know what to order.
You got to 30 without knowing what your favorite drink is?
- Is that serious? - You judge.
Let's teach her to drink, please.
- That's too much. - Come on, jump in!
You're not choosing. It chooses you.
Wait.
Like that.
What's that trash?
Don't you ever... It's tequila.
Never again.
- Smell it. - Is it strong?
Yeah.
I like this.
It's whiskey.
- Taste it. - Hey!
The faithful husband just left.
You really suck at tailing.
Tell me there's no street facing window in the toilet.
Fuck. Come!
- Come! - Can't you take the picture another time?
They don't pay me that much.
- Fuck. - Ouch!
All good, uh?
- All good. - How are you?
Fine. Ouch. I bumped right there.
Mrs. Donizetti!
Mr. Zetelli, how are you doing?
The fuck am I doing!
One.
Why are you out so late at night?
Two. Nice scarf.
- You're your husband's lover. - Okay. I owe you an explanation.
I love my Umberto very much.
I didn't lie about that.
After 35 years together,
we wanted to pepper things up a bit.
- I could hear that. - Was I screaming?
Well...
Fire was still there, but...
It was buried under a mound of ashes, and so...
We invented a role play on whose board you were an important piece.
Okay, that's enough, but this is going to cost you an extra.
That's fine. I spare no expenses. But please...
Let's keep Umberto out of it.
For a little bit.
That's crazy.
The things one does for love.
You sure you're okay?
- To love. - No, to the extra I'm gonna get.
No.
No. Who cares about the extra?
For the first time ever, you united a couple.
You didn't break it apart.
Don't deny it goes against your dogma.
- My dogma? - Yeah.
What would that be?
That love doesn't exist.
We saw it tonight, with our eyes.
- You're weird. - Why?
Look at you. You're happy, hilarious even,
because two strangers put up that circus.
There goes the ex again back in your pretty head.
I need to psychoanalyze myself.
- I need to understand. - For once, stop understanding!
Try to feel.
What do you think, uh?
- Hey. - Hey.
We fucked up, right?
Who knows.
Time will tell.
The first hours are decisive
in order for the emotional affective thought to form
in the patient and...
Okay, I'm gonna stop.
What happened there?
Stefano wanted to go on an adventure trip.
You know, backpack and all.
You know Tibetan bridges?
You have vertigo and he took you on a Tibetan bridge?
You didn't tell him.
I was halfway through it.
I stopped and started screaming.
He came to help me. I clung onto him.
I was completely panicking.
We both fell down.
That's when he knew.
I'd kill for an hot coffee.
That's what it feels like.
You're leaving too?
Yes.
But I left a note on the table.
I'M SORRY BUT I WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN
WE HAVE A WEDDING ON SATURDAY.
BUY SOMETHING DECENT
There was liquor in it, and I was still a kid.
I thought it was poison. I needed to tell my parents.
At least I'll be saved. But then,
I thought I'll have to admit I accepted a Mon Cheri from a stranger.
That was serious.
I said nothing and waited to die.
- See, I think--
- That's enough!
We're both wasting our time, Stefano.
You admittedly don't believe in online therapy.
I can tell.
When did I say that?
You said that. You did.
I'd really like you to answer
a question you clearly don't want to answer.
I can't talk about Sandra.
She was the most important person in my life.
Sometimes I think about our routines.
The prank we both played on each other.
The baby voices we used with each other.
The nicknames.
A lot of things.
I understand.
Why did you leave her?
I'm struggling to tell a stranger.
I couldn't even tell her.
Time's up. Saved by the bell.
- For now. - See you on Tuesday.
And...
Thanks for everything.
You're welcome, Stefano. Goodbye.
ITALIAN PSYCHOLOGISTS CODE OF CONDUCT
SESSION REQUEST ACCEPT
- Doctor, can you hear me? - Yes, Stefano, where are you?
I'm walking. I thought about what we talked about.
- The Mon Cheri? - Not the Mon Cheri.
The fact that...
I can't tell a stranger why I left Sandra
- when I have never told her. - So?
I'm going to her.
- Her, who? - My ex.
- Right now? - Yeah.
That's her building door.
I don't know if I can tell her. I want to. I'll try.
Maybe it's not a good idea, Stefano.
I've never been so sure in my life.
- Believe me. - I don't think you're ready.
- It's... - I'm going in.
Wish me good luck. I'm gonna need it.
- Who is it? - Me!
Fuck.
- Hi. - Hi.
Were you asleep?
Showering.
Are you alone?
For now.
- Can I come in? - It's not a good time.
Why are you here?
I don't really know.
I didn't decided to do it. I just did it. Impulsively.
We need to talk about many things. Not just about how I behaved.
I don't want to do it on the door.
We will talk.
Okay.
Next Saturday, Benedetta will marry.
Francesco invited me, and...
I thought of going.
Except if you don't want me there.
I'll see you there.
- Bye. - Bye.
Then?
No more code violations.
BOARD OF LAZIO PSYCHOLOGISTS
Who cares about the Code?
Who did you go to the wedding with?
- I don't think... - Answer the board.
Did you go with Marco or Stefano?
With...
both.
Respect.
So, who did you choose in the end?
Before that, there's an engaging part revolving around me.
Don't you want to know?
I can't modify anything?
- Show some cleavage or... - It's a wedding.
You'll be the bridesmaid. You'll wear what you want at the reception.
- Come naked, if you want to. - Do not tempt me.
Weren't your friend supposed to be the bridesmaid?
Yeah. Then...
- Let's say we fought. - What happened?
Everything revolves around her.
She's full of problems and they always come first.
She's pathologically insecure.
Two hours on the phone if she chose the wrong enamel
and maybe you lost your job that day!
So, she's an asshole.
No.
I'm the asshole.
I never said anything.
When I lost my job,
I didn't tell her for fear she'd start with one of her troubles.
I kept it all inside until I exploded.
When maybe...
I just needed to talk.
Now...
I don't know what to do.
I miss my friend.
Excuse me.
Yeah, sorry.
How can I help you?
I couldn't avoid...
to overhear.
Don't put yourself down.
Sure, you...
You could have...
voiced your discomfort.
But your friend...
She really acted like...
What did she call her?
- An asshole? - Yeah. Thank you.
That's right. An asshole.
An unwilling asshole.
But an asshole all the same.
That said...
Maybe...
I'd invite your friend for a coffee, if I were you.
Worse it could go...
You can decide to call it quits without remorse, right?
Listen to an old lady's advice.
Who the fuck was that?
You don't have to be my bridesmaid anymore.
- What? - Nothing.
Nothing, it's just...
I feel weird, like...
Like, you know, I'm wearing a disguise.
You should be used to that.
No. When I dress like an hotel porter or construction worker, that's my job.
That's normal. Instead, right now...
I'm dressed like a normal person.
You're pretty, dressed like a normal person.
What did we agree on?
- No displays of affection. - Right.
- Shall we take this off? - No.
No.
So I can give it back. I paid a lot for it.
What?
I want you to meet a few people.
Wait here.
- Hey. - Hi.
- How are you? - Fine.
- You look good. - Thanks.
Meet my friend Marco.
- Stefano. I'm Sandra's ex. - Oh, the ex.
I've heard a lot about you.
I've heard nothing about you.
Because I'm new.
- We were saying-- - Sandra!
Benedetta shut herself in her car saying she won't come out.
You're a psychologist. Go have a session on the spot.
On the spot? Actually, psychoanalysis is not really--
Sandra, listen to me.
I paid a fortune for this reception, in advance.
Go to her and tell her either she marries or I will marry the first one available.
Alright.
I'm not marrying.
Look what I have in my hand. I'm not afraid to use it.
So, I don't look like a meringue?
No. You're gorgeous.
I'm sorry if I left you alone.
I'm sorry.
Now I'm here.
Say your piece. I'll listen.
What should I do?
Marry.
You said I've been knowing him five minutes.
I've never seen you so happy.
I'm not the marriage kind.
Okay, well.
Hear me out.
Promise you won't throw up.
We can reason, plan and calculate.
Truth is, love is the only thing that can change people.
There's nothing more powerful.
That's what you're experiencing right now.
Thank you.
That's my substitute?
Come on.
- I'm sorry. - I missed you.
I missed you too.
Oh, God.
My blood sugar's low. I'd love a chocolate ice cream.
I feel like...
- I love you. - I love you too.
I thought maybe you had low blood sugar.
- You're scared shitless too, right? - Yeah.
What if I stain my dress?
Babe.
I'm scared.
Do you, Francesco Manieri,
take Benedetta Fabiani
as your lawful wedded bride?
Yes, I do.
Do you, Benedetta Fabiani,
- take Francesco Manieri-- - Yes, I do!
I appreciate the enthusiasm, but you have to let me finish.
- Sorry. - Breathe.
We were saying...
Do you,
Benedetta Fabiani, take Francesco Manieri as your lawful wedded husband?
Yes, I do.
Hooray!
He's cute. Where did you pick him?
He's a private investigator.
I hired him to help me
destroying Stefano's life.
I'd really love to judge you.
But actually, I want to know all about it.
You'll have to wait. Stefano decided to come forward.
That's what you wanted, right? But...
- Stop it, please. - He's sitting at the shit table.
You have a shit table?
All wedding have shit tables.
Crazy cousins, infamous exes who need to meet an early death.
The worse you could imagine.
- What's she wearing? - Who?
- Who do you mean? The one with the tablecloth?
Yeah.
I'm sure she's some distant Francesco's aunt.
- Hi. - Hi.
I have to go.
What's happening? Where's the bridesmaid going?
- Where are you going? - To sit down at the shit table.
You wanted to talk.
There's your friend there.
Marco? He's right there with his friends. Sit.
Wait me here.
- Good evening. - Good evening.
Is that her? I mean, is that you?
Take Stefano's place.
- No. That's the shit table. - Please.
If he finds out, I'm done. I'm over. Kaput.
- The job, it's going to be a mess-- - Okay!
I got you.
- Good evening. - Good evening.
Will there be fireworks tonight?
I'm obsessed with fireworks.
I'm obsessed with fire.
I like burning things.
Marco, my pleasure.
- Sandra, my pleasure. - Yeah.
You look familiar.
You too, believe me.
Sure.
A plant that grows on snow.
You have these ducks,
and when you click on them,
they quack. You click, they quack.
How did you meet that guy?
Didn't you want to talk?
Is he a friend...
Or a friend...
I'm sorry.
I left. I have no right to know.
I've been thinking about us a lot.
I'm going to therapy.
Really?
Who would have thought?
I figured out many things in the last months.
More than I figured out in ten years.
In some way...
Oh, God.
Sorry.
Will you get me a drink? But please, no wine.
Whiskey, maybe. yeah.
The ducks, they float. You can't do anything about it.
TAKE HER AWAY, HE'S LOOKING AT YOU
It's a trip, really.
- [No.] - [Yeah.]
Would you like to dance?
Thank you.
Since when you drink whiskey?
Since you left me.
Shall we dance?
- I don't feel like it. - Come on.
Like we used to do.
Young man, are you making a pass at me?
Nothing to be ashamed of. Oedipus's complex...
Yeah, I know. Obviously.
Hey.
Hey!
- What are you doing? - Can't you see? I'm leaving.
Why?
I saw you there with Mr. Funny.
- It's my job to see when two people-- - Marco, no!
You're wrong.
Pick one.
Me or him.
What are you? Ten?
I was right.
What about?
In not believing in it.
Fuck.
Excuse me.
You can't imagine.
What?
I just met my therapist's twin sister.
Will you get another drink for me?
- Again? - Yeah.
Yeah.
- Good evening. - Good evening.
- Can I ask a question? - Please do.
You're Doctor Sandra Robiati's twin sister?
No. I'm Doctor Sandra Robiati.
- Why did you-- - Because...
I realized a young woman needed an old woman to lie for her.
Your necklace is amazing.
- You mean this one? - Yes.
Yeah. That's true.
You're exactly like I thought you would be.
You really helped me.
More than you can imagine.
- Honey. - Oh.
Thank you. Thanks, honey.
How do you do that?
My dear, we spend our life asking questions,
trying to explain, rationalizing...
Love is like wanting to empty the ocean with a teaspoon.
You'd rather dive in and swim, don't you think?
Hey.
- Everything's fine? - No.
Not at all.
I need to tell you something.
Listen, I always knew it was you.
You what?
Not from the start, but...
You knew things I never told you.
And you asked weird questions.
Once you wore a scoop-neck sweater.
I saw that.
I couldn't miss that.
I kissed it too many times.
Why did you leave?
You can tell me now.
We ended up in an unstimulating relationship.
I saw you through the deforming lens of habit and you were always there for me.
Slowly fading away.
Well, I had a crisis.
What then?
Then, the therapy with you. I mean, with Dr. Robiati.
Yeah.
I looked forward to those sessions.
Under the disguise I found a Sandra I had been missing.
The Sandra I fell in love with.
The one I love.
So...
I had to hide in order for you to see me again?
Quite the paradox.
I see clearly now.
I love what I see.
Okay. I think we've heard enough.
BOARD OF LAZIO PSYCHOLOGISTS
One last question.
Any idea who could have reported you?
No need.
I reported myself.
I respect this job too much.
Yeah. Absolutely.
- The board reached a verdict. - No, wait.
How did it end?
Can someone call me a taxi?
- Sure. Just you? - Just me.
GET HELP
The scion entered the building as predicted. Over.
I'm so glad they banned you.
Remember, you're still on probation.
- Oh, really? - Mmh.
What can I do to get out of probation?
Young man, a bottle of your best champagne.
Coming, ma'am.
Champagne very good. 80 euros.
Thanks.
- The receipt? - Ma'am, no receipt.
Print that fucking receipt now!