1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.BZ 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.BZ 3 00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:36,080 HE GASPS 4 00:00:55,320 --> 00:00:57,200 He's been! 5 00:01:18,080 --> 00:01:19,360 HE LAUGHS 6 00:01:23,400 --> 00:01:24,720 DOOR OPENS 7 00:01:57,760 --> 00:02:01,960 # O Christmas tree O Christmas tree 8 00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:05,840 # Thy leaves are so unchanging 9 00:02:05,880 --> 00:02:10,000 # O Christmas tree O Christmas tree 10 00:02:10,040 --> 00:02:13,600 # Thy leaves are so unchanging 11 00:02:13,640 --> 00:02:17,960 # How often has the Christmas tree 12 00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:21,680 # Afforded me the greatest glee 13 00:02:21,720 --> 00:02:26,120 # O Christmas tree O Christmas tree 14 00:02:26,160 --> 00:02:30,000 # Much pleasure thou can'st give me... # 15 00:02:42,680 --> 00:02:44,240 # Feliz Navidad 16 00:02:44,280 --> 00:02:46,600 # Te deseamos a ti... # 17 00:02:48,080 --> 00:02:49,320 You have to tell him. 18 00:02:50,840 --> 00:02:51,960 You do. 19 00:02:53,720 --> 00:02:55,000 This is the year. 20 00:03:05,720 --> 00:03:11,000 BEEPING 21 00:03:14,640 --> 00:03:16,640 # Ho-ho-ho! Who wouldn't go? 22 00:03:16,680 --> 00:03:19,000 # Up on the housetop, click, click, click 23 00:03:19,040 --> 00:03:21,480 # Down through the chimney with good Saint Nick! 24 00:03:21,520 --> 00:03:23,600 # First comes the stocking of little Nell 25 00:03:23,640 --> 00:03:26,000 # Oh, dear Santa, fill it well 26 00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:28,320 # Give her a dolly that laughs and cries 27 00:03:28,360 --> 00:03:30,880 # One that will open and shut her eyes 28 00:03:30,920 --> 00:03:34,240 # Ho-ho-ho... # DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES 29 00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:39,040 Kung pao chicken. 30 00:03:48,080 --> 00:03:49,920 CHOPSTICKS CLATTER ON PLATE 31 00:03:51,800 --> 00:03:53,360 HE CLEARS HIS THROAT Chris... 32 00:03:54,760 --> 00:03:59,440 ..you're at an age now where, as a parent, 33 00:03:59,480 --> 00:04:03,160 it's my job to...to tell you certain facts 34 00:04:03,200 --> 00:04:04,760 that you might not want to hear. 35 00:04:06,040 --> 00:04:09,880 Dad, relax. We've done this all in school. 36 00:04:09,920 --> 00:04:11,880 You have? Yeah. 37 00:04:11,920 --> 00:04:13,480 Last year. Oh! 38 00:04:14,960 --> 00:04:16,000 Oh! 39 00:04:16,040 --> 00:04:17,400 THEY LAUGH 40 00:04:17,440 --> 00:04:22,440 Oh! That is a weight off, I can't tell ya. 41 00:04:22,480 --> 00:04:23,680 Oh, your face! 42 00:04:25,200 --> 00:04:27,640 Don't think I've ever heard you say sperm. 43 00:04:27,680 --> 00:04:29,040 What?! 44 00:04:29,080 --> 00:04:32,080 Oh, God, are you going to teach me to put on a contraception? 45 00:04:32,120 --> 00:04:34,440 God, no. Chris! No. That's... 46 00:04:35,440 --> 00:04:37,360 That's not what this is about. 47 00:04:37,400 --> 00:04:38,880 It's about Father Christmas. 48 00:04:40,640 --> 00:04:41,680 What do you mean? 49 00:04:42,760 --> 00:04:44,760 Is he all right? Did something happen? 50 00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:46,680 Yeah... Well, no, I mean... 51 00:04:49,560 --> 00:04:52,400 Remember the snow on the roof on Christmas morning? 52 00:04:52,440 --> 00:04:55,120 And, um... And the sleigh tracks? 53 00:04:55,160 --> 00:04:57,480 And the soot in the grate? 54 00:04:57,520 --> 00:04:59,560 And the presents under the tree? Well... 55 00:05:01,520 --> 00:05:02,760 That was all me. 56 00:05:04,480 --> 00:05:05,480 I did that. 57 00:05:12,640 --> 00:05:14,360 You're Father Christmas? 58 00:05:14,400 --> 00:05:15,720 You bring joy and happiness 59 00:05:15,760 --> 00:05:17,960 to billions of children all over the world? 60 00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:20,160 No, that's not what I mean. 61 00:05:20,200 --> 00:05:21,800 Dad, I'm not being funny, 62 00:05:21,840 --> 00:05:24,000 but I really can't see you getting down our chimney, 63 00:05:24,040 --> 00:05:25,360 let alone back up it. 64 00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:27,520 I've seen you on the monkey bars. 65 00:05:27,560 --> 00:05:30,760 Chris, we had the chimney sealed off before you were born, 66 00:05:30,800 --> 00:05:33,120 when we had the gas fire put in. 67 00:05:33,160 --> 00:05:35,360 What about the carrots? 68 00:05:35,400 --> 00:05:38,440 And-and the single malt? 69 00:05:38,480 --> 00:05:41,240 I suppose that was all you as well, was it? 70 00:05:41,280 --> 00:05:43,240 Yes. Obviously. 71 00:05:44,760 --> 00:05:46,400 Look, I'm sorry, Chris, but... 72 00:05:48,760 --> 00:05:50,000 ..he isn't real. 73 00:05:51,160 --> 00:05:53,920 Father Christmas doesn't exist. 74 00:05:53,960 --> 00:05:58,560 I mean, think about it - a billion children all over the world! 75 00:05:58,600 --> 00:06:00,760 I mean, it is physically impossible 76 00:06:00,800 --> 00:06:03,720 to deliver that many presents in a single night. 77 00:06:03,760 --> 00:06:07,280 You would say that. You work for the Royal Mail. 78 00:06:07,320 --> 00:06:11,200 He probably uses different...software. 79 00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:15,880 And what software makes a reindeer fly at warp speed 80 00:06:15,920 --> 00:06:17,240 and lights up his hooter? 81 00:06:17,280 --> 00:06:20,320 Nothing that's commercially available, but... 82 00:06:20,360 --> 00:06:24,320 And how does a man of that girth fit down a chimney? 83 00:06:24,360 --> 00:06:26,640 Even if you haven't even got one. 84 00:06:26,680 --> 00:06:28,920 And to never be seen! 85 00:06:28,960 --> 00:06:30,360 Look, I'm sorry, Chris. 86 00:06:30,400 --> 00:06:32,520 I know this time of year is special to you. 87 00:06:34,640 --> 00:06:36,800 But you're old enough now to know the truth. 88 00:07:21,960 --> 00:07:24,480 You'd be able to explain it, wouldn't you, 89 00:07:24,520 --> 00:07:25,520 if you were here? 90 00:07:27,120 --> 00:07:28,400 But you're not. 91 00:07:30,880 --> 00:07:32,160 You're probably at Lord's. 92 00:07:33,640 --> 00:07:35,000 Or in Norfolk. 93 00:07:36,400 --> 00:07:38,080 Or a book library. 94 00:07:43,000 --> 00:07:44,120 Oof... 95 00:07:59,760 --> 00:08:01,120 What's this? 96 00:08:01,160 --> 00:08:02,320 Egg banjo? 97 00:08:05,640 --> 00:08:10,960 I've...had a little time to think about what you said. 98 00:08:11,000 --> 00:08:13,000 Er...and I get it. 99 00:08:13,040 --> 00:08:16,720 I do. It's been a rough year. 100 00:08:16,760 --> 00:08:19,520 Seriously, one for the ages. 101 00:08:19,560 --> 00:08:22,000 And it's not like there isn't stiff competition. 102 00:08:24,360 --> 00:08:27,200 Professionally, you were laid off, 103 00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:30,000 and then fired, then you became a postman, 104 00:08:30,040 --> 00:08:34,480 to be demoted almost immediately to the sorting office. 105 00:08:34,520 --> 00:08:38,800 Medically, although it wasn't proved serious in the end, 106 00:08:38,840 --> 00:08:40,880 you had to undergo 107 00:08:40,920 --> 00:08:43,640 a number of...probes 108 00:08:43,680 --> 00:08:47,960 that people tended to laugh at rather than feel sorry for you for. 109 00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:49,640 It was during this health scare 110 00:08:49,680 --> 00:08:52,240 that you lost your place on the pub darts team 111 00:08:52,280 --> 00:08:54,440 to a man who was almost double your age. 112 00:08:54,480 --> 00:08:56,800 He was so talented. 113 00:08:56,840 --> 00:08:59,960 And it's... It's hard to see a way back. 114 00:09:01,080 --> 00:09:02,600 Romantically, I'm sorry, 115 00:09:02,640 --> 00:09:05,120 but it's been a complete and utter disaster. 116 00:09:06,480 --> 00:09:09,120 Ms Bailey, who lives almost opposite, 117 00:09:09,160 --> 00:09:11,040 who you like, and I like, 118 00:09:11,080 --> 00:09:13,680 even though she teaches me double science, 119 00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:16,240 she asked you on a date back in April, 120 00:09:16,280 --> 00:09:18,240 and you still haven't called her back. 121 00:09:18,280 --> 00:09:21,160 Sorry to interrupt, but is there a point to all this, 122 00:09:21,200 --> 00:09:22,840 or are you just trying to boost morale? 123 00:09:22,880 --> 00:09:24,800 Yeah, yeah, there is. 124 00:09:24,840 --> 00:09:27,280 And the point is that it's only natural, 125 00:09:27,320 --> 00:09:28,920 after the year you've had, 126 00:09:28,960 --> 00:09:32,560 to lose a little bit of that-that Christmas feeling. 127 00:09:32,600 --> 00:09:34,680 Oh, Chris, come on, please. 128 00:09:34,720 --> 00:09:36,560 To become jaded and cynical. 129 00:09:36,600 --> 00:09:38,240 Oh, not this again. 130 00:09:38,280 --> 00:09:40,840 Dad, you're wrong. 131 00:09:40,880 --> 00:09:43,600 I love you, but you're wrong. 132 00:09:43,640 --> 00:09:47,080 Father Christmas is real and I'm going to prove it to you. 133 00:10:07,400 --> 00:10:09,480 Morning, Chris. Morning, Miss. 134 00:10:28,080 --> 00:10:30,680 Pat, what do I do with this one, mate? 135 00:10:30,720 --> 00:10:32,920 Ho-ho-ho! Follow me! 136 00:10:32,960 --> 00:10:34,800 I'll let you into a little secret. 137 00:10:42,960 --> 00:10:44,240 In there. 138 00:10:46,960 --> 00:10:49,040 SHREDDER WHIRRS 139 00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:55,080 Don't worry, you get used to it. 140 00:10:58,160 --> 00:11:00,000 What happens to all the shredded paper? 141 00:11:00,040 --> 00:11:02,560 It's put in the back of a blue lorry and then...no-one knows. 142 00:11:02,600 --> 00:11:04,600 To be fair, we live in such a cynical age, 143 00:11:04,640 --> 00:11:07,120 I'm surprised anyone still writes to Father Christmas. 144 00:11:09,120 --> 00:11:10,360 My boy does. 145 00:11:10,400 --> 00:11:12,840 I thought you said he was 16 and doing his GCSEs? 146 00:11:14,040 --> 00:11:15,160 He is. 147 00:11:19,560 --> 00:11:24,680 BEEPING 148 00:11:28,400 --> 00:11:32,520 TV: Cryptozoology is essentially the study of 149 00:11:32,560 --> 00:11:35,040 creatures that are said to exist 150 00:11:35,080 --> 00:11:37,840 but are unproven, undocumented by science. 151 00:11:37,880 --> 00:11:40,080 The creatures that are studied are called cryptids and... 152 00:11:40,120 --> 00:11:42,080 KNOCKING 153 00:11:42,120 --> 00:11:45,360 ..Loch Ness Monster, Chupacabra, things like that. 154 00:11:45,400 --> 00:11:49,840 And within cryptozoology, it just doesn't get any bigger 155 00:11:49,880 --> 00:11:54,000 than Big Foot, because of all cryptids out there, 156 00:11:54,040 --> 00:11:58,920 Big Foot has the most sighting. Sightings by very credible people... 157 00:11:58,960 --> 00:12:00,920 KNOCKING 158 00:12:09,680 --> 00:12:12,440 Holly! It's me, Chris! 159 00:12:12,480 --> 00:12:14,200 Oh, OK. Good, yeah. I thought so. 160 00:12:15,520 --> 00:12:17,000 LOCKS RATTLE 161 00:12:17,040 --> 00:12:18,920 And another. 162 00:12:18,960 --> 00:12:21,000 LOCKS RATTLE AND CLICK 163 00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:23,200 Wait. And one more. LOCKS RATTLE 164 00:12:23,240 --> 00:12:25,080 And open sesame. 165 00:12:26,480 --> 00:12:27,760 I need a favour. 166 00:12:35,800 --> 00:12:41,160 BEEPING 167 00:12:41,200 --> 00:12:42,760 Sorry, love, I'm on break, all right? 168 00:12:42,800 --> 00:12:43,800 BABY CRIES 169 00:12:43,840 --> 00:12:45,360 Look, I'm like a long-distance lorry driver. 170 00:12:45,400 --> 00:12:46,640 I have to take a break every 45 minutes 171 00:12:46,680 --> 00:12:49,440 every four and a half hours. Sorry, it's regulations! 172 00:12:49,480 --> 00:12:51,400 Merry Christmas. Oh, God. 173 00:12:51,440 --> 00:12:55,280 No, no, no, no, no. You are banned, OK? 174 00:12:55,320 --> 00:12:57,800 No, I told you last year that was the last year. 175 00:12:57,840 --> 00:12:59,440 You're too old for this now, mate. 176 00:12:59,480 --> 00:13:01,280 I just want to ask you a question. 177 00:13:08,240 --> 00:13:09,800 What's the mic for? 178 00:13:09,840 --> 00:13:11,480 I don't do podcasts. 179 00:13:11,520 --> 00:13:13,240 I've got my reputation to think about. 180 00:13:13,280 --> 00:13:16,320 Yep, Chris wants to prove to his dad that Father Christmas is real. 181 00:13:16,360 --> 00:13:17,880 Oh, my God. 182 00:13:17,920 --> 00:13:19,880 How many times do I have to tell you, mate? 183 00:13:19,920 --> 00:13:24,160 I'm not Father Christmas, OK? This beard isn't real. 184 00:13:24,200 --> 00:13:25,200 And... 185 00:13:26,240 --> 00:13:27,480 ..I'm a Muslim. 186 00:13:27,520 --> 00:13:29,560 OK, but what about the paunch? 187 00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:31,200 Yeah, the paunch is real. 188 00:13:31,240 --> 00:13:33,600 Obviously, I know you're not Father Christmas. 189 00:13:33,640 --> 00:13:34,920 I'm not stupid. 190 00:13:34,960 --> 00:13:37,840 It's only, what, seven more sleeps until the big day. 191 00:13:37,880 --> 00:13:41,080 He's not going to be here, is he? This is crunch time. 192 00:13:41,120 --> 00:13:43,160 He's got more important things to be doing. 193 00:13:43,200 --> 00:13:44,600 What do you want to ask me? 194 00:13:44,640 --> 00:13:46,640 Last year, when I was here, 195 00:13:46,680 --> 00:13:49,920 I overheard you talking to one of the single mums, 196 00:13:49,960 --> 00:13:53,680 who was really impressed about how you knew Stephen Fry. 197 00:13:53,720 --> 00:13:55,240 Ah! You know Stephen Fry? 198 00:13:55,280 --> 00:13:58,920 Yeah. I mean, I wouldn't say he's a close friend. But, yeah. 199 00:13:58,960 --> 00:14:00,720 No, that is literally what you said. 200 00:14:00,760 --> 00:14:03,680 Yeah, he's more of a close friend of, like, a casual acquaintance. 201 00:14:03,720 --> 00:14:05,760 But what's that got to do with anything? 202 00:14:05,800 --> 00:14:08,280 Stephen Fry is like God to my dad. 203 00:14:08,320 --> 00:14:10,280 He will listen to anything he says. 204 00:14:10,320 --> 00:14:13,960 I mean, he won't necessarily understand it, but he will listen. 205 00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:17,400 So the best way to prove to my dad that Father Christmas is real 206 00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:20,240 is to have Stephen Fry say that he is. 207 00:14:20,280 --> 00:14:22,680 I just need you to introduce us. 208 00:14:22,720 --> 00:14:24,200 Right, I'm going to level with you, OK? 209 00:14:24,240 --> 00:14:26,520 Honestly - honestly - I don't really know him that well. 210 00:14:26,560 --> 00:14:30,560 Mm. Yeah, I feel like you don't know him at all. No. No. 211 00:14:30,600 --> 00:14:33,160 Although I did bump into him in a Sainsbury's car park. 212 00:14:33,200 --> 00:14:34,920 Shut up. What was he like? 213 00:14:34,960 --> 00:14:36,960 He is so-o-o nice. 214 00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:39,240 Like, and it was my fault, cos I was reversing, 215 00:14:39,280 --> 00:14:40,840 didn't realise it was in first gear, 216 00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:42,720 bumped into him. "Oh, my God, Stephen Fry." 217 00:14:42,760 --> 00:14:45,040 Sorry, you bumped into him in a car? 218 00:14:45,080 --> 00:14:46,200 Yeah. 219 00:14:47,880 --> 00:14:49,840 Did you swap details? 220 00:14:49,880 --> 00:14:51,760 Well, no. I think he's married, isn't he? 221 00:14:51,800 --> 00:14:53,120 Insurance details. 222 00:14:53,160 --> 00:14:55,680 Insurance details. Right! He didn't have his details on him, 223 00:14:55,720 --> 00:14:58,160 so he wrote his name and address down 224 00:14:58,200 --> 00:15:00,000 and then he put them into my phone. 225 00:15:00,040 --> 00:15:01,480 Got it in my phone. 226 00:15:03,880 --> 00:15:07,520 BEEPING 227 00:15:13,840 --> 00:15:16,000 PHONE RINGS 228 00:15:19,240 --> 00:15:20,480 Hello? 229 00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:22,520 Oh, Mr Massey? 230 00:15:22,560 --> 00:15:23,600 Yep? 231 00:15:23,640 --> 00:15:25,440 It's Georgina Bailey. 232 00:15:25,480 --> 00:15:26,880 From the school. 233 00:15:26,920 --> 00:15:30,280 And the house almost opposite. 234 00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:34,240 Georgina, hi. I'm so glad you've called. 235 00:15:34,280 --> 00:15:36,720 Um, I've been meaning to call you back... 236 00:15:36,760 --> 00:15:38,000 Oh, Nick... 237 00:15:38,040 --> 00:15:41,360 No, honestly, I have. It's just been a really hectic couple of... 238 00:15:41,400 --> 00:15:42,880 ..eight months. 239 00:15:42,920 --> 00:15:45,800 Yeah, that's not...that's not the reason that I'm calling. 240 00:15:45,840 --> 00:15:49,800 Oh? It's Chris. He didn't come into school today. 241 00:15:49,840 --> 00:15:51,320 I wouldn't have called. 242 00:15:51,360 --> 00:15:53,880 It's just that I saw him when I left for school this morning 243 00:15:53,920 --> 00:15:56,240 and it looked like he was on the way in. 244 00:15:56,280 --> 00:15:58,400 I know it's the last day of term... 245 00:15:58,440 --> 00:16:00,480 Yeah, no, thank you. 246 00:16:00,520 --> 00:16:03,200 It's good to know that you're really on it over there. 247 00:16:04,520 --> 00:16:08,240 No, um...he actually had a doctor's appointment today 248 00:16:08,280 --> 00:16:10,080 and that's why he couldn't make it in. 249 00:16:10,120 --> 00:16:14,800 Yeah, it's nothing serious. He's just got rash on his... 250 00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:17,400 It's OK, I don't need to know the details. 251 00:16:17,440 --> 00:16:19,880 BEEPING 252 00:16:25,640 --> 00:16:29,240 OK, listener, so we are currently outside A house 253 00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:31,720 of Stephen Fry in a yellow van. 254 00:16:31,760 --> 00:16:32,960 PHONE RINGS 255 00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:34,960 Don't answer it. I'm not going to. 256 00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:36,760 In fact... What? 257 00:16:36,800 --> 00:16:39,040 Sorry, what are you doing? 258 00:16:39,080 --> 00:16:43,200 This way, he can't track you. 259 00:16:45,120 --> 00:16:46,320 No, don't... 260 00:16:50,080 --> 00:16:51,240 SHE SWALLOWS NOISILY 261 00:16:53,840 --> 00:16:55,200 That is really annoying. 262 00:16:57,000 --> 00:16:58,800 Not to mention, so irresponsible. 263 00:17:05,520 --> 00:17:07,560 This is why they tell you to back everything up. 264 00:17:07,600 --> 00:17:12,120 In case a stray lunatic decides to literally eat your data? 265 00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:14,360 I've seen it happen. 266 00:17:17,200 --> 00:17:19,840 Anyway, thanks to me, your dad doesn't have a clue where we are. 267 00:17:19,880 --> 00:17:21,120 KNOCKING 268 00:17:21,160 --> 00:17:22,480 Oh! 269 00:17:22,520 --> 00:17:24,120 Oh, hello, Uncle Nicholas. 270 00:17:24,160 --> 00:17:26,760 I might have known you'd have something to do with this. 271 00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:28,200 What even is this? 272 00:17:28,240 --> 00:17:30,280 Wait, sorry, can you do that one more time? 273 00:17:30,320 --> 00:17:32,280 I'm just... I forgot to click record. 274 00:17:32,320 --> 00:17:34,840 Don't tell me you bunked off school to do a podcast. 275 00:17:35,880 --> 00:17:37,680 Is that...? 276 00:17:37,720 --> 00:17:40,160 What? I don't... I don't see anything. 277 00:17:40,200 --> 00:17:41,720 Who? Who can't you see? 278 00:17:43,240 --> 00:17:46,080 Oh! Oh, it's... 279 00:17:46,120 --> 00:17:48,000 It's him! 280 00:17:48,040 --> 00:17:51,240 What? Why? How? Huh? 281 00:17:51,280 --> 00:17:56,200 It's all right. Breathe. In and out. In and out. 282 00:17:56,240 --> 00:17:57,360 Breathe, it's all right. 283 00:17:57,400 --> 00:18:00,040 Chris wants to ask Stephen Fry if Father Christmas is real. Oh! 284 00:18:01,440 --> 00:18:03,160 Chris, I thought we discussed this. 285 00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:05,760 We did, and I said that I'd get you proof. 286 00:18:05,800 --> 00:18:07,000 This is it. 287 00:18:07,040 --> 00:18:09,520 If Stephen Fry says that Father Christmas is real, 288 00:18:09,560 --> 00:18:11,000 then perhaps you'll believe me. 289 00:18:11,040 --> 00:18:13,720 All right, and if he says he isn't, will you believe me? 290 00:18:16,040 --> 00:18:17,520 KNOCKING 291 00:18:21,520 --> 00:18:23,640 If I'd have known, I would have put on a different shirt. 292 00:18:23,680 --> 00:18:25,160 OK, you need to calm down. 293 00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:26,800 I need the toilet, is what I need. 294 00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:35,400 Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you were carol singers... 295 00:18:37,080 --> 00:18:42,880 # Good King Wenceslas last looked out on the feast of Stephen! # 296 00:18:44,480 --> 00:18:46,920 Dad, please. Or you'll have to wait in the car. 297 00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:49,040 Sorry. We're not carol singers. 298 00:18:49,080 --> 00:18:50,640 I'm just a huge fan. 299 00:18:50,680 --> 00:18:53,120 I've watched everything you've ever done on television. 300 00:18:53,160 --> 00:18:55,920 I've listened to all your books, even the one about ties... 301 00:18:55,960 --> 00:18:57,240 Isn't that adorable? 302 00:18:57,280 --> 00:18:59,760 Well, what impeccable taste you have. 303 00:18:59,800 --> 00:19:01,960 Now, if you don't mind, I'm just going to call the police. 304 00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:04,800 No, please, we literally just want to ask you one question. 305 00:19:04,840 --> 00:19:06,280 Can I use your toilet? 306 00:19:06,320 --> 00:19:07,960 That wasn't it. 307 00:19:08,000 --> 00:19:10,920 I'm going to close the door now. Goodbye. 308 00:19:10,960 --> 00:19:12,320 Wait! 309 00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:15,360 Is Father Christmas real? 310 00:19:18,520 --> 00:19:21,200 I'm sorry, what did you say the name was? 311 00:19:21,240 --> 00:19:23,160 Father Christmas. 312 00:19:23,200 --> 00:19:25,120 You have heard of Father Christmas? 313 00:19:25,160 --> 00:19:28,200 Yes, no, I mean, I thought you said... 314 00:19:28,240 --> 00:19:30,200 Oh, my goodness, I left the oven on. Goodbye. 315 00:19:30,240 --> 00:19:33,400 No, Stephen, please! It will only take a minute. 316 00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:35,880 Come on, it is Christmas. 317 00:19:42,600 --> 00:19:44,240 It's just as I imagined it. 318 00:19:46,320 --> 00:19:50,880 Is Father Christmas real? 319 00:19:50,920 --> 00:19:54,360 In order to deliver all those satsumas and pairs of socks, 320 00:19:54,400 --> 00:19:58,160 Father Christmas would have to travel jolly fast. But how jolly? 321 00:19:58,200 --> 00:20:01,440 Show your workings, Fry. Certainly, sir. 322 00:20:01,480 --> 00:20:05,240 Well, speed, as we know, 323 00:20:05,280 --> 00:20:09,600 is distance divided by time. 324 00:20:09,640 --> 00:20:12,240 Divided by time. And we calculate distance 325 00:20:12,280 --> 00:20:16,680 by seeing the number of households that celebrate Christmas. 326 00:20:16,720 --> 00:20:22,240 Which is roughly 45% of the population. 8.2 billion. 327 00:20:22,280 --> 00:20:24,640 By the average number of people in the household, 328 00:20:24,680 --> 00:20:27,520 which is approximately 3.95. 329 00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:29,600 3.95. Yep. 330 00:20:29,640 --> 00:20:31,840 That gives us 331 00:20:31,880 --> 00:20:39,840 934,177,215 332 00:20:39,880 --> 00:20:42,400 households. Basically a billion. 333 00:20:42,440 --> 00:20:44,920 Basically a billion. Dad. Final warning. 334 00:20:44,960 --> 00:20:49,680 By the Global Average Spacing. 335 00:20:49,720 --> 00:20:52,760 So 186 million kilometres, plus change, 336 00:20:52,800 --> 00:20:55,920 which is more than 100 return trips to the moon. 337 00:20:55,960 --> 00:21:00,000 So all that distance over time. 338 00:21:00,040 --> 00:21:01,240 And how much time 339 00:21:01,280 --> 00:21:03,840 does Father Christmas have at his disposal? 340 00:21:03,880 --> 00:21:06,040 Well, I'm going to say 30 hours, 341 00:21:06,080 --> 00:21:08,800 if you think of when the last children go to sleep 342 00:21:08,840 --> 00:21:10,120 on Christmas Island, 343 00:21:10,160 --> 00:21:13,680 and the first children wake up in American Samoa. 344 00:21:13,720 --> 00:21:16,360 That gives us the total of 345 00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:24,160 6,277,848km 346 00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:25,840 per hour. 347 00:21:25,880 --> 00:21:30,120 Well, that is jolly fast, like you said. Yeah. 348 00:21:30,160 --> 00:21:32,720 Yeah, not as fast as the speed of light, mind you, 349 00:21:32,760 --> 00:21:35,600 but alas, the air resistance alone would be enough 350 00:21:35,640 --> 00:21:39,240 to instantly vaporise any normal human being. 351 00:21:39,280 --> 00:21:42,000 And, actually, these figures are a trifle optimistic 352 00:21:42,040 --> 00:21:43,840 because they don't take into account 353 00:21:43,880 --> 00:21:48,040 the fact that Father Christmas has to stop a billion times, 354 00:21:48,080 --> 00:21:49,720 to deliver the actual presents. 355 00:21:49,760 --> 00:21:53,720 That means constant acceleration and deceleration, 356 00:21:53,760 --> 00:21:57,480 not to mention going down all those chimneys and up them again. 357 00:21:57,520 --> 00:21:59,920 It just stretches credibility even further, doesn't it? 358 00:21:59,960 --> 00:22:02,600 How does he do that? Especially when there is no chimney. 359 00:22:02,640 --> 00:22:05,560 And given that fact that he is, pun intended, 360 00:22:05,600 --> 00:22:08,160 widely reported to be generously proportioned. 361 00:22:10,520 --> 00:22:12,520 Right, yeah, well, 362 00:22:12,560 --> 00:22:15,120 thank you, Stephen, that's been really helpful. 363 00:22:15,160 --> 00:22:16,680 That's not everything. 364 00:22:16,720 --> 00:22:19,160 Well, it's enough to be getting on with, so... 365 00:22:19,200 --> 00:22:20,880 What else were you going to say? 366 00:22:20,920 --> 00:22:23,200 Nothing, really, that was the nub. 367 00:22:24,520 --> 00:22:26,120 Please, tell me. 368 00:22:26,160 --> 00:22:31,040 Well, it's just that based on the lack of verifiable sightings 369 00:22:31,080 --> 00:22:33,960 and bona fide photographic evidence, 370 00:22:34,000 --> 00:22:37,800 we have to conclude that Father Christmas does all this 371 00:22:37,840 --> 00:22:40,920 while remaining completely invisible. 372 00:22:46,680 --> 00:22:48,400 I'd like to go home now, please. 373 00:22:48,440 --> 00:22:51,880 Oh, yeah, of course, mate. Yeah, um...let's get you home. 374 00:23:02,480 --> 00:23:04,400 Er, excuse me, Chris? 375 00:23:04,440 --> 00:23:07,960 Um, I just wanted to add 376 00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:12,720 that, until 1903 and the Wright brothers, 377 00:23:12,760 --> 00:23:17,360 powered human flight was thought to be impossible. 378 00:23:17,400 --> 00:23:18,760 But it wasn't. 379 00:23:18,800 --> 00:23:21,800 We just didn't have a proper understanding of aerodynamics 380 00:23:21,840 --> 00:23:24,880 and propulsion and three-axis steering. 381 00:23:24,920 --> 00:23:27,680 We had to wait for the science to catch up. 382 00:23:27,720 --> 00:23:30,960 And what I'm saying is, all of that in there 383 00:23:31,000 --> 00:23:32,800 might not be impossible. 384 00:23:32,840 --> 00:23:36,200 It might just be that we can't explain it. 385 00:23:36,240 --> 00:23:37,320 Not yet. 386 00:23:38,560 --> 00:23:42,160 We have to wait until we can see the bigger picture. 387 00:23:43,680 --> 00:23:47,280 Oh, and talking of pictures, I don't know, 388 00:23:47,320 --> 00:23:49,080 I thought perhaps you might like to have this. 389 00:23:49,120 --> 00:23:50,920 Stephen, you didn't have to. Thank you... Aw, I would. 390 00:23:50,960 --> 00:23:53,600 Oh, look at that! Wow! 391 00:23:53,640 --> 00:23:55,840 Aw, that is the best Christmas present ever. 392 00:23:57,440 --> 00:23:58,440 Oh. 393 00:23:59,640 --> 00:24:01,240 Oh, I feel a bit embarrassed now. 394 00:24:01,280 --> 00:24:04,080 Really, there's no reason to be. 395 00:24:04,120 --> 00:24:05,320 If I'd have known, I... 396 00:24:08,320 --> 00:24:10,240 ..probably wouldn't have taken that. 397 00:24:13,080 --> 00:24:14,560 Have you taken anything else? 398 00:24:25,200 --> 00:24:27,120 God, Uncle Nicholas! 399 00:24:38,520 --> 00:24:40,840 PHONE RINGS 400 00:24:47,320 --> 00:24:48,840 Hello? 401 00:24:48,880 --> 00:24:52,880 No, no, I didn't say anything, 402 00:24:52,920 --> 00:24:54,280 I promise. 403 00:24:54,320 --> 00:24:56,280 In fact, I said the exact opposite. 404 00:24:58,560 --> 00:24:59,920 I was very careful. 405 00:25:07,360 --> 00:25:11,280 BEEPING 406 00:25:21,240 --> 00:25:23,400 Hey. How did it go at the doctor's? 407 00:25:24,800 --> 00:25:27,880 Yeah, no, it was good. Thanks. 408 00:25:27,920 --> 00:25:28,920 Yeah, no, they, um... 409 00:25:30,400 --> 00:25:32,120 They gave him a cream. 410 00:25:34,560 --> 00:25:36,160 Merry Christmas. 411 00:25:36,200 --> 00:25:37,480 Merry "Eczema...s". 412 00:25:43,760 --> 00:25:48,080 Merry Eczema... Xmas. I just got it, cos of the... 413 00:25:48,120 --> 00:25:49,320 Cos of the rash! 414 00:26:44,160 --> 00:26:46,800 Goodnight, son. Night, Dad. 415 00:26:48,160 --> 00:26:49,840 Chris, I know you're disappointed, 416 00:26:49,880 --> 00:26:53,960 but, you know, this doesn't mean that Christmas is cancelled. 417 00:26:54,000 --> 00:26:56,000 We can still do all the other stuff. 418 00:26:56,040 --> 00:26:58,440 Everything else will stay exactly the same. 419 00:26:58,480 --> 00:27:00,600 Yeah, but it won't be the same, will it? 420 00:27:11,240 --> 00:27:18,240 STEPHEN FRY: Which comes to 934,177,215 households, 421 00:27:18,280 --> 00:27:20,360 so basically a billion. 422 00:27:20,400 --> 00:27:21,800 Basically a billion. 423 00:27:25,880 --> 00:27:30,440 We have to wait until we can see the bigger picture. 424 00:27:30,480 --> 00:27:33,360 The bigger picture... 425 00:27:33,400 --> 00:27:35,560 LOUDER: The bigger picture. 426 00:29:18,280 --> 00:29:21,320 Well, it definitely looks like Father Christmas. 427 00:29:21,360 --> 00:29:23,960 Who did you say these other people were? 428 00:29:24,000 --> 00:29:25,360 Professor Hannah Fry, 429 00:29:25,400 --> 00:29:27,880 Professor of the Public Understanding of Mathematics 430 00:29:27,920 --> 00:29:30,440 and serial podcaster. Uh-huh. 431 00:29:30,480 --> 00:29:32,880 Dame Maggie Aderin-Pocock, 432 00:29:32,920 --> 00:29:38,320 space scientist and Honorary Fellow of the British Science Association. 433 00:29:38,360 --> 00:29:43,160 Jason Fox, ex-Special Forces and TV personality. 434 00:29:44,360 --> 00:29:47,920 Right, and you think, what, 435 00:29:47,960 --> 00:29:50,520 they all work for Father Christmas 436 00:29:50,560 --> 00:29:52,160 and basically make it possible for him 437 00:29:52,200 --> 00:29:55,560 to deliver all those presents to all those children 438 00:29:55,600 --> 00:29:58,720 in a single night, and not be seen doing it? 439 00:29:58,760 --> 00:30:00,080 Yeah. 440 00:30:00,120 --> 00:30:02,520 I know it sounds tenuous, but... I'm in. 441 00:30:04,800 --> 00:30:06,680 Look, you had me at "tenuous." 442 00:30:29,920 --> 00:30:32,080 SHREDDER WHIRS 443 00:30:51,000 --> 00:30:57,000 BEEPING 444 00:31:07,640 --> 00:31:09,360 Professor Hannah Fry? 445 00:31:09,400 --> 00:31:11,280 Yeah? 446 00:31:11,320 --> 00:31:15,240 Relax, relax, we just want to ask a couple of questions. 447 00:31:15,280 --> 00:31:17,520 Oh, are you doing a podcast? 448 00:31:17,560 --> 00:31:19,800 Oh, I love a podcast. 449 00:31:19,840 --> 00:31:22,960 We're trying to find proof that Father Christmas is real. 450 00:31:23,000 --> 00:31:26,000 Ah, OK. No, I'm sorry, I cannot help you with that. 451 00:31:34,600 --> 00:31:36,320 Where did you get this? 452 00:31:36,360 --> 00:31:38,360 A journalist never reveals her source. 453 00:31:38,400 --> 00:31:39,920 Stephen gave you this, didn't he? 454 00:31:39,960 --> 00:31:42,160 Yeah, 100%. Yep. 455 00:31:42,200 --> 00:31:43,320 I'm not a journalist. 456 00:31:43,360 --> 00:31:45,760 He is such a blabbermouth. What else did he tell you? 457 00:31:45,800 --> 00:31:48,200 Nothing. I find that very difficult to believe. 458 00:31:49,720 --> 00:31:52,760 Well, he said that it might not be impossible for Father Christmas 459 00:31:52,800 --> 00:31:55,480 to climb down chimneys that aren't even there, 460 00:31:55,520 --> 00:31:58,360 just that we can't explain it yet. Mm-hm? 461 00:31:58,400 --> 00:32:00,520 I mean HE can't explain it yet. 462 00:32:00,560 --> 00:32:03,600 Do you know he failed O Level physics? 463 00:32:05,440 --> 00:32:08,080 Does that mean... 464 00:32:08,120 --> 00:32:11,160 ..that you can...explain it? 465 00:32:11,200 --> 00:32:13,640 Well, yeah. Of course I can explain it. 466 00:32:13,680 --> 00:32:15,000 It's just, you know... 467 00:32:15,040 --> 00:32:16,400 You don't want to? 468 00:32:16,440 --> 00:32:17,840 Yeah. I don't want to. 469 00:32:17,880 --> 00:32:21,040 I mean, obviously she CAN. She just doesn't want to. 470 00:32:21,080 --> 00:32:22,720 I can actually explain it, guys. 471 00:32:22,760 --> 00:32:25,400 No, no, I believe you. "Professor." Excuse me! 472 00:32:25,440 --> 00:32:28,480 What are these fake air quotes? I am an actual professor. 473 00:32:28,520 --> 00:32:31,280 HOLLY SIGHS OK, Chris, come on, let's go. 474 00:32:31,320 --> 00:32:34,400 Ooh! Have you still got that number for Professor Brian Cox? 475 00:32:34,440 --> 00:32:35,440 Yeah, somewhere. 476 00:32:35,480 --> 00:32:37,920 OK. It's Macroscopic Quantum Tunnelling. 477 00:32:39,360 --> 00:32:40,840 Just remind me what that is again. 478 00:32:40,880 --> 00:32:43,560 OK, so Father Christmas turns himself and his presents 479 00:32:43,600 --> 00:32:45,440 into a single quantum object, 480 00:32:45,480 --> 00:32:48,520 and that way he can pass through solid walls. 481 00:32:48,560 --> 00:32:51,040 Like a ghost? No! Nothing like a ghost. 482 00:32:51,080 --> 00:32:52,280 This is the quantum world, 483 00:32:52,320 --> 00:32:54,800 it's where particles don't exist at a single point - 484 00:32:54,840 --> 00:32:56,880 they exist everywhere and nowhere all at once 485 00:32:56,920 --> 00:33:00,120 in, like, a cloud of probability that spreads through space. 486 00:33:00,160 --> 00:33:04,040 And that way a particle COULD be on the roof of a house, 487 00:33:04,080 --> 00:33:06,760 but it could also be inside a house, 488 00:33:06,800 --> 00:33:10,920 underneath a Christmas tree. That's quantum tunnelling. 489 00:33:10,960 --> 00:33:15,120 I see. And how does he travel fast enough 490 00:33:15,160 --> 00:33:17,720 to be able to deliver all those presents in a single night? 491 00:33:17,760 --> 00:33:20,400 Well, he's using an Alcubierre drive, right? 492 00:33:20,440 --> 00:33:23,720 He's engulfing his sleigh in a bubble of Minkowski space, 493 00:33:23,760 --> 00:33:26,440 and that way he doesn't need to feel any of the g-forces. 494 00:33:31,160 --> 00:33:33,440 Er, OK. I, er... 495 00:33:33,480 --> 00:33:35,560 I forgot, actually, I... 496 00:33:35,600 --> 00:33:37,760 I need to go. I've got a lecture to do. 497 00:33:37,800 --> 00:33:38,800 Sorry. Bye. 498 00:33:40,640 --> 00:33:42,840 How does he make himself turn invisible? 499 00:33:52,600 --> 00:33:55,240 Oh, OK. Whew. 500 00:33:57,080 --> 00:33:59,760 That was weird. I know, right? 501 00:33:59,800 --> 00:34:02,840 Since when did the pencil moustache come back into fashion? 502 00:34:02,880 --> 00:34:03,920 Before that, I mean. 503 00:34:05,560 --> 00:34:08,480 That photograph - it really put her on edge. 504 00:34:09,520 --> 00:34:12,600 That's it. We need to talk to the other people in the photograph. 505 00:34:12,640 --> 00:34:14,640 That's what we're doing, Holly. 506 00:34:14,680 --> 00:34:17,240 You've got to call them. You've got to call them right now. 507 00:34:17,280 --> 00:34:19,680 How? I don't have a number. 508 00:34:19,720 --> 00:34:20,920 Or a SIM card. 509 00:34:20,960 --> 00:34:22,320 MOBILE PHONE RINGS 510 00:34:22,360 --> 00:34:24,960 Oh! Sorry, mate, one second. Yeah, I'd better get this. 511 00:34:25,000 --> 00:34:26,160 This might be for me. 512 00:34:27,240 --> 00:34:29,480 Hello? Yeah, speaking. 513 00:34:32,160 --> 00:34:35,840 Oh, hello, Dame Maggie Aderin-Pocock. 514 00:34:35,880 --> 00:34:37,120 SHE MOUTHS 515 00:34:37,160 --> 00:34:39,200 WHISPERED: How did she get your number? 516 00:34:39,240 --> 00:34:40,440 SHE MOUTHS 517 00:34:40,480 --> 00:34:42,320 No, ask her. 518 00:34:42,360 --> 00:34:43,800 Yeah, no, sorry. Still here. 519 00:34:46,040 --> 00:34:47,320 She wants to meet. 520 00:35:02,000 --> 00:35:04,280 I'm not sure this is a good idea. BRAKES SQUEAL 521 00:35:04,320 --> 00:35:07,120 Yeah, that's what makes it a good idea. 522 00:35:07,160 --> 00:35:09,000 She wouldn't ask to meet in a place like this 523 00:35:09,040 --> 00:35:11,520 unless we were dangerously close to the truth. 524 00:35:37,120 --> 00:35:39,120 Is Father Christmas real? 525 00:35:39,160 --> 00:35:41,880 He's real if you believe he's real. 526 00:35:41,920 --> 00:35:45,160 That's good enough for me, but my dad wants proof. 527 00:35:46,200 --> 00:35:47,760 What makes you think I can help? 528 00:35:55,920 --> 00:35:57,240 Oh, Stephen. 529 00:35:57,280 --> 00:35:58,560 He can't help himself. 530 00:36:00,000 --> 00:36:01,760 Have you met the other two? 531 00:36:01,800 --> 00:36:05,080 Professor Hannah Fry, but not Foxy. 532 00:36:05,120 --> 00:36:06,800 He's a hard man to find. 533 00:36:06,840 --> 00:36:08,200 So you don't know where he is? 534 00:36:08,240 --> 00:36:12,640 I haven't seen Foxy since this photograph was taken. 535 00:36:12,680 --> 00:36:14,440 So, Hannah - 536 00:36:14,480 --> 00:36:15,800 what did you two discuss? 537 00:36:15,840 --> 00:36:18,960 Oh, just Macroscopic Quantum Tunnelling. 538 00:36:19,000 --> 00:36:20,720 It's how Father Christmas gets down the chimneys. 539 00:36:20,760 --> 00:36:22,240 Anything else? 540 00:36:22,280 --> 00:36:23,840 She touched on the, um... 541 00:36:23,880 --> 00:36:27,000 The Alan... Alan Q beer. 542 00:36:27,040 --> 00:36:28,920 The... The Alan Q... 543 00:36:28,960 --> 00:36:31,760 The Alcubierre drive. That's the one. 544 00:36:31,800 --> 00:36:33,600 And did it make sense? 545 00:36:33,640 --> 00:36:34,640 Um... 546 00:36:34,680 --> 00:36:38,040 Well, I'd be lying if I said it all went in, 547 00:36:38,080 --> 00:36:42,080 but then I am only predicted a grade three in GCSE maths. 548 00:36:42,120 --> 00:36:44,200 It's not that complicated. 549 00:36:44,240 --> 00:36:46,680 Let's get that three up to a four. 550 00:36:46,720 --> 00:36:50,160 Rather than making Father Christmas travel to every household, 551 00:36:50,200 --> 00:36:54,440 the trick is to make every household travel to him. 552 00:36:54,480 --> 00:36:56,240 What is she doing? 553 00:36:56,280 --> 00:36:59,840 Who keeps a rug in the boot of their car? 554 00:36:59,880 --> 00:37:03,360 Now, imagine that this rug represents space and time, 555 00:37:03,400 --> 00:37:04,800 but all smooshed together, 556 00:37:04,840 --> 00:37:07,000 and it's running from one end of a room... 557 00:37:10,000 --> 00:37:11,200 ..all the way to the other. 558 00:37:11,240 --> 00:37:13,000 Would you like to step inside the room? 559 00:37:13,040 --> 00:37:17,600 Ah, classic. She wants to roll up a body and dump it in the canal. 560 00:37:17,640 --> 00:37:19,800 Now, conventionally, it will take a number of steps 561 00:37:19,840 --> 00:37:21,560 to get from one end to the other, 562 00:37:21,600 --> 00:37:24,440 but imagine if we could squish up, or concertina, 563 00:37:24,480 --> 00:37:27,080 space and time in front of you. Like this. 564 00:37:30,320 --> 00:37:32,120 OK. Good. 565 00:37:32,160 --> 00:37:33,400 False alarm. 566 00:37:33,440 --> 00:37:34,840 Teacher's got to teach. 567 00:37:38,400 --> 00:37:41,840 So now you can step from one end of the room to the other 568 00:37:41,880 --> 00:37:43,040 in a single step. 569 00:37:47,720 --> 00:37:50,520 And if I elongate space and time behind you, 570 00:37:50,560 --> 00:37:51,560 like this... 571 00:37:54,600 --> 00:37:58,120 ..you've miraculously got from one end to the other. 572 00:37:58,160 --> 00:37:59,720 Wow! 573 00:37:59,760 --> 00:38:03,000 That actually makes sense. Thank you. 574 00:38:08,800 --> 00:38:10,640 Well? 575 00:38:10,680 --> 00:38:13,560 You can relax. He doesn't know anything. 576 00:38:13,600 --> 00:38:17,080 In fact, I'm not even sure he knows that. 577 00:38:17,120 --> 00:38:20,400 Good, but we have to be careful. 578 00:38:20,440 --> 00:38:22,160 The belief is strong with this one. 579 00:38:23,760 --> 00:38:29,000 CAMERA BEEPS 580 00:38:32,080 --> 00:38:33,560 Albercue... Alcubierre. 581 00:38:33,600 --> 00:38:36,520 Alcubierre drive, that's sort of, like, a magic carpet thing? 582 00:38:36,560 --> 00:38:39,240 No, the carpet was just a teaching aid. 583 00:38:40,360 --> 00:38:43,240 I don't know, it made sense when she said it, so... 584 00:38:53,160 --> 00:38:54,720 KNOCK ON DOOR 585 00:38:56,640 --> 00:38:58,520 Ah! Ooh, pizza. 586 00:38:58,560 --> 00:39:00,880 Whoa, wait a minute. Yeah? 587 00:39:00,920 --> 00:39:02,000 When did you order pizza? 588 00:39:02,040 --> 00:39:03,160 Well, no, I didn't. 589 00:39:04,240 --> 00:39:08,480 So what are you doing? What is the point of having all this security 590 00:39:08,520 --> 00:39:11,280 if you're just going to open the door to anyone with a pizza? 591 00:39:11,320 --> 00:39:14,400 Well, I like pizza, and I also haven't eaten since breakfast, so... 592 00:39:14,440 --> 00:39:16,400 KNOCKING CONTINUES Holly! 593 00:39:16,440 --> 00:39:18,400 That's weird. 594 00:39:18,440 --> 00:39:19,680 He's opened up the pizza box, 595 00:39:19,720 --> 00:39:23,560 but there isn't any pizza in it, there's just words. 596 00:39:23,600 --> 00:39:25,280 What do you mean? What words? 597 00:39:25,320 --> 00:39:26,360 It says... 598 00:39:29,160 --> 00:39:31,320 ..Jason "Foxy" Fox. 599 00:39:41,440 --> 00:39:43,160 Why not? 600 00:39:43,200 --> 00:39:44,960 Sorry, sorry. My bad. Sorry. 601 00:39:45,000 --> 00:39:47,440 DETECTOR CLICKS 602 00:40:00,200 --> 00:40:03,760 DETECTOR BEEPS He's telling me we don't have long. 603 00:40:03,800 --> 00:40:06,520 But you can talk to Foxy... 604 00:40:06,560 --> 00:40:07,920 ..through me. 605 00:40:07,960 --> 00:40:09,200 Are you psychic? 606 00:40:09,240 --> 00:40:11,920 No, I have a microphone and a camera. 607 00:40:11,960 --> 00:40:14,360 Foxy can see us and hear us. 608 00:40:14,400 --> 00:40:17,600 Hello, Chris. Hello, Holly. It's Foxy here. 609 00:40:17,640 --> 00:40:19,200 I'm really sorry about the tight security, 610 00:40:19,240 --> 00:40:20,600 but I can't take no chances. 611 00:40:20,640 --> 00:40:23,920 I can't take no chances. They can't know where I am. 612 00:40:23,960 --> 00:40:25,960 Who's they? Father Christmas. 613 00:40:26,000 --> 00:40:27,360 And his organisation. 614 00:40:27,400 --> 00:40:29,120 So he's real? Yeah, mate. 615 00:40:29,160 --> 00:40:31,840 As real as I am standing right here. 616 00:40:31,880 --> 00:40:34,680 What do they want? Get that photograph out. 617 00:40:43,320 --> 00:40:45,360 That was taken at a Channel 4 Christmas party. 618 00:40:45,400 --> 00:40:47,160 I thought it was going to be well boring, 619 00:40:47,200 --> 00:40:48,880 stuck with them lot all night. 620 00:40:48,920 --> 00:40:50,800 But it turns out we had a lot in common. 621 00:40:50,840 --> 00:40:52,600 Like ideas about Father Christmas 622 00:40:52,640 --> 00:40:54,440 and how it is he can do what he does. 623 00:40:54,480 --> 00:40:56,520 You know, theoretically. 624 00:40:56,560 --> 00:40:57,760 We really got into it, 625 00:40:57,800 --> 00:41:00,360 and was going to organise a convention and everything. 626 00:41:00,400 --> 00:41:02,600 And call it The Science of Christmas 627 00:41:02,640 --> 00:41:05,560 and use it to get children interested in the subject 628 00:41:05,600 --> 00:41:08,760 from a young age. Inspire future generations. 629 00:41:08,800 --> 00:41:11,960 We had publishers interested, and television people - 630 00:41:12,000 --> 00:41:13,600 there was even talk of a podcast. 631 00:41:13,640 --> 00:41:14,800 What happened? 632 00:41:14,840 --> 00:41:16,960 Father Christmas. He shut us down. 633 00:41:17,000 --> 00:41:19,120 I'm not saying he did it personally. 634 00:41:19,160 --> 00:41:20,520 But he was definitely involved. 635 00:41:20,560 --> 00:41:22,040 What idea did you have? 636 00:41:22,080 --> 00:41:23,640 Active camouflage. 637 00:41:23,680 --> 00:41:25,920 It's what the big man uses to make himself invisible. 638 00:41:25,960 --> 00:41:29,720 His red jumpsuit is actually just an image of a red jumpsuit 639 00:41:29,760 --> 00:41:33,200 projected onto a flexible, wearable Oled screen. 640 00:41:33,240 --> 00:41:36,240 Hidden cameras constantly film what is around him 641 00:41:36,280 --> 00:41:39,000 and then project that on the screen on the opposite side. 642 00:41:39,040 --> 00:41:40,640 It's like he's wrapped in a live feed 643 00:41:40,680 --> 00:41:42,040 of his immediate environment. 644 00:41:42,080 --> 00:41:44,400 It's the same technology James Bond used 645 00:41:44,440 --> 00:41:48,080 to make his car invisible in Die Another Day. 646 00:41:48,120 --> 00:41:49,720 I didn't see it. 647 00:41:49,760 --> 00:41:51,040 Exactly. 648 00:41:51,080 --> 00:41:53,560 Sorry, that's all I have time for. 649 00:41:53,600 --> 00:41:55,280 I've got to take a cake out of the oven. 650 00:41:55,320 --> 00:41:56,320 Wait... 651 00:41:58,600 --> 00:42:01,560 ..how do I find Father Christmas? 652 00:42:01,600 --> 00:42:02,720 You don't, soldier. 653 00:42:02,760 --> 00:42:06,000 That's what I've been trying to tell you. Steer clear. 654 00:42:06,040 --> 00:42:07,960 You don't want to get mixed up in this. 655 00:42:08,000 --> 00:42:09,840 You don't want to get mixed up in this. 656 00:42:21,360 --> 00:42:26,280 BEEPING 657 00:42:28,480 --> 00:42:30,680 TV: Well, that period of time has ended... 658 00:42:30,720 --> 00:42:33,120 DOORBELL RINGS 659 00:42:33,160 --> 00:42:34,840 Door! 660 00:42:41,520 --> 00:42:42,880 I'll get it! 661 00:42:55,520 --> 00:42:57,160 DOORBELL RINGS AGAIN 662 00:42:58,720 --> 00:43:01,400 It's Georgina. Ms Bailey. 663 00:43:01,440 --> 00:43:02,920 How do I look? 664 00:43:02,960 --> 00:43:05,120 Like a deer in the headlights. DOORBELL RINGS AGAIN 665 00:43:05,160 --> 00:43:06,480 Coming! 666 00:43:17,680 --> 00:43:20,400 # Deck the halls with boughs of holly 667 00:43:20,440 --> 00:43:23,000 # Fa-la-la-la-la la-la la-la 668 00:43:23,040 --> 00:43:25,560 # Tis the season to be jolly 669 00:43:25,600 --> 00:43:28,000 # Fa-la-la-la-la la-la la-la... # 670 00:43:28,040 --> 00:43:30,920 CAROLLING CONTINUES 671 00:43:30,960 --> 00:43:33,640 CHRIS JOINS IN 672 00:43:33,680 --> 00:43:36,000 # Troll the ancient Christmas carol 673 00:43:36,040 --> 00:43:39,040 # Fa-la-la-la-la la-la la-la 674 00:43:39,080 --> 00:43:41,680 # Follow me in merry measure 675 00:43:41,720 --> 00:43:44,400 # Fa-la-la-la-la la-la la-la 676 00:43:44,440 --> 00:43:46,840 # Fast away the old year passes 677 00:43:46,880 --> 00:43:49,560 # Fa-la-la-la-la la-la la-la 678 00:43:49,600 --> 00:43:52,200 # Hail the lonely lads and lasses 679 00:43:52,240 --> 00:43:54,520 # Fa-la-la-la-la la-la la-la. # 680 00:43:54,560 --> 00:43:57,360 # Fa-la-la-la-la la-la la-la 681 00:43:57,400 --> 00:44:00,320 # Fast away the old year passes 682 00:44:00,360 --> 00:44:04,600 # Fa-la-la-la-la la-la la...la. # 683 00:44:25,160 --> 00:44:26,240 I can explain. 684 00:44:26,280 --> 00:44:28,960 My letter to Father Christmas. That I posted. 685 00:44:29,000 --> 00:44:30,280 I know. 686 00:44:30,320 --> 00:44:31,920 You know that it's a criminal offence 687 00:44:31,960 --> 00:44:34,800 to interfere with an envelope that is stamped and addressed? 688 00:44:34,840 --> 00:44:37,400 I rescued it. From what?! 689 00:44:37,440 --> 00:44:40,360 Do you know what happens to letters addressed to Father Christmas? 690 00:44:40,400 --> 00:44:42,120 Well, I know what's supposed to happen. 691 00:44:42,160 --> 00:44:45,600 They get sent to Father Christmas, so he knows what presents to get. 692 00:44:45,640 --> 00:44:47,480 They get shredded. 693 00:44:47,520 --> 00:44:48,800 All of them. 694 00:44:48,840 --> 00:44:53,280 They're put into a big machine that cuts them up into long, thin strips, 695 00:44:53,320 --> 00:44:55,040 which are dumped into big red bins, 696 00:44:55,080 --> 00:44:57,160 then stuck on the back of an old blue lorry 697 00:44:57,200 --> 00:44:58,720 and taken to God knows where. 698 00:45:00,840 --> 00:45:02,160 So you don't know where? 699 00:45:02,200 --> 00:45:03,720 I know it's not the North Pole. 700 00:45:03,760 --> 00:45:06,680 How do you know? Because I do. 701 00:45:06,720 --> 00:45:08,120 You don't. 702 00:45:08,160 --> 00:45:10,040 You don't know. You just don't want to believe. 703 00:45:10,080 --> 00:45:12,560 You always think that everything is... 704 00:45:12,600 --> 00:45:14,440 ..is destined to end in disaster. 705 00:45:21,120 --> 00:45:25,960 BEEPING 706 00:45:27,480 --> 00:45:30,240 Not everything is destined to end in disaster. 707 00:45:35,760 --> 00:45:38,120 PHONE LINE RINGS 708 00:45:38,160 --> 00:45:39,600 VOICEMAIL: Hi, this is Georgina. 709 00:45:39,640 --> 00:45:41,840 I can't come to the phone right now, so please leave a message. 710 00:45:41,880 --> 00:45:46,160 BEEP Hey...Georgina. It's Nick here. 711 00:45:46,200 --> 00:45:49,640 Nick...Massey. From the house opposite. 712 00:45:49,680 --> 00:45:53,040 Well, it's not really opposite, is it? It's more sort of... 713 00:45:53,080 --> 00:45:55,000 I'd say ten o'clock. 714 00:45:55,040 --> 00:45:57,880 It's definitely across the street. Doesn't matter. 715 00:45:57,920 --> 00:46:00,720 I'm just returning your call, basically... 716 00:46:01,960 --> 00:46:05,200 ..from April, I think it was. 717 00:46:05,240 --> 00:46:08,320 Just to say that, yes... 718 00:46:09,760 --> 00:46:12,360 ..I'd really like to go for that drink - 719 00:46:12,400 --> 00:46:17,080 if the offer still stands - and that I'm free tonight. 720 00:46:18,080 --> 00:46:19,840 If that's not too rash. 721 00:46:25,400 --> 00:46:26,800 Nailed it. 722 00:46:26,840 --> 00:46:28,880 HOLLY: So, letters to Father Christmas are shredded, 723 00:46:28,920 --> 00:46:30,080 put on that blue lorry 724 00:46:30,120 --> 00:46:31,280 and then taken where? 725 00:46:31,320 --> 00:46:33,400 That's the reason we're following the blue lorry. 726 00:46:43,840 --> 00:46:46,880 PHONE BUZZES 727 00:46:48,640 --> 00:46:52,880 VOICE NOTE PLAYS: Hiya. Um, yeah, tonight sounds great. 728 00:46:52,920 --> 00:46:56,360 I think I can get to you for about eight o'clock. 729 00:46:56,400 --> 00:47:00,400 So, yeah, I guess I'll see you then. Bye. 730 00:47:05,200 --> 00:47:06,760 Still got it. 731 00:47:08,400 --> 00:47:10,200 HE CHUCKLES 732 00:47:26,000 --> 00:47:29,480 Ooh, Chris, before I forget. 733 00:47:29,520 --> 00:47:30,520 There you go. 734 00:47:31,920 --> 00:47:33,680 You got me a new SIM card. 735 00:47:33,720 --> 00:47:36,160 No, that's just the one I swallowed. 736 00:47:38,480 --> 00:47:39,800 You wait here. 737 00:47:39,840 --> 00:47:41,000 Where are you going? 738 00:47:41,040 --> 00:47:42,680 I have an idea. 739 00:47:42,720 --> 00:47:47,240 MUSIC: The Carol Of The Bells by Mykola Leontovych 740 00:47:49,040 --> 00:47:52,080 Knock-knock. Hey. 741 00:47:52,120 --> 00:47:55,720 Can I help you? I don't know. Can you? 742 00:47:55,760 --> 00:47:58,120 Well, not unless you tell me what it is you want, no. 743 00:48:00,760 --> 00:48:02,120 I'm, er... 744 00:48:03,280 --> 00:48:06,400 I'm here to see...Father Christmas. 745 00:48:06,440 --> 00:48:07,560 Oh, yeah? 746 00:48:07,600 --> 00:48:08,800 Yeah. 747 00:48:08,840 --> 00:48:11,000 Got an appointment? 748 00:48:11,040 --> 00:48:13,160 Do I...need one? 749 00:48:14,360 --> 00:48:17,400 Does this look like the North Pole to you? Hmm? 750 00:48:17,440 --> 00:48:19,200 I don't know, I've never been. 751 00:48:19,240 --> 00:48:21,920 Yeah. Well, it's not. 752 00:48:21,960 --> 00:48:23,960 It's Milton Keynes. OK. 753 00:48:24,000 --> 00:48:26,360 Now clear off! Fair enough. Yep. 754 00:48:28,000 --> 00:48:29,200 Thank you. 755 00:48:35,280 --> 00:48:36,480 OK. 756 00:48:37,720 --> 00:48:41,520 Well? Yep, he is definitely in there. 757 00:48:41,560 --> 00:48:44,520 Father Christmas? How do you know? 758 00:48:44,560 --> 00:48:47,200 Woman's...institution, Chris. 759 00:48:48,760 --> 00:48:51,200 What now? Plan B. 760 00:48:51,240 --> 00:48:53,080 ENGINE STARTS 761 00:48:53,120 --> 00:48:55,080 PHONE RINGS 762 00:48:56,880 --> 00:48:58,200 Problem? 763 00:48:58,240 --> 00:49:00,640 No, sir. No problem. 764 00:49:10,560 --> 00:49:14,280 CHEERFUL MUSIC PLAYS 765 00:49:28,240 --> 00:49:31,560 SINISTER MUSIC PLAYS 766 00:49:37,200 --> 00:49:39,000 Are you sure this is going to work? 767 00:49:39,040 --> 00:49:41,480 I don't look anything like a security guard! 768 00:49:41,520 --> 00:49:43,640 Yeah, because you haven't put the hat on yet. 769 00:49:51,000 --> 00:49:53,400 I know you said you've done this before, 770 00:49:53,440 --> 00:49:56,200 but I suppose the question is, how many times? 771 00:49:56,240 --> 00:49:58,960 Yeah, mate, I really don't know. It's not like I keep count. 772 00:49:59,000 --> 00:50:01,520 Like, less than 100, more than once. 773 00:50:01,560 --> 00:50:05,120 You mean twice? Well, you know what they say - third time lucky. 774 00:50:05,160 --> 00:50:07,520 The first two times failed?! 775 00:50:07,560 --> 00:50:10,440 Chris, now is really not the time for second thoughts, OK? 776 00:50:10,480 --> 00:50:12,680 Did you want to find out if Father Christmas is real or not? 777 00:50:12,720 --> 00:50:14,320 Well, yeah! But... 778 00:50:14,360 --> 00:50:16,360 Good. Because there is a very small chance 779 00:50:16,400 --> 00:50:18,200 that he is on the other side of that wall. 780 00:50:18,240 --> 00:50:21,080 "A very small chance"? You said "definitely"! 781 00:50:21,120 --> 00:50:23,320 Definitely a very small chance. 782 00:50:23,360 --> 00:50:26,440 Now, you just remember what I told you, yeah? Tuck and roll. 783 00:50:26,480 --> 00:50:28,080 You didn't tell me that. 784 00:50:28,120 --> 00:50:30,520 Well, I'm telling you now, aren't I? Tuck and roll! 785 00:50:30,560 --> 00:50:33,240 OK! OK, tuck and roll. 786 00:50:33,280 --> 00:50:36,520 Wait! Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 787 00:50:40,280 --> 00:50:41,320 Aim for the pillows. 788 00:50:43,320 --> 00:50:45,480 And tuck and roll! 789 00:50:45,520 --> 00:50:47,280 I got it, I got it. 790 00:50:57,200 --> 00:50:59,480 FOOTFALLS BANG ON ROOF 791 00:50:59,520 --> 00:51:02,360 Whooooa! 792 00:51:02,400 --> 00:51:03,600 THUD! 793 00:51:04,840 --> 00:51:07,240 Chris? HE GRUNTS 794 00:51:07,280 --> 00:51:08,400 Yeah... 795 00:51:09,640 --> 00:51:11,040 It worked! 796 00:51:16,280 --> 00:51:18,720 Stay right where you are! 797 00:51:22,680 --> 00:51:26,480 VAN DOOR SLAMS 798 00:51:26,520 --> 00:51:29,040 ENGINE STARTS 799 00:51:29,080 --> 00:51:33,720 TYRES SQUEAL 800 00:51:33,760 --> 00:51:37,040 Oh, I'm so sorry, mate. I didn't realise you were one of us. 801 00:51:39,040 --> 00:51:41,000 Er, yeah. Yeah, no, I am. 802 00:51:41,040 --> 00:51:42,240 Definitely. 803 00:51:42,280 --> 00:51:45,280 SECURITY GUARD HUMS 804 00:51:45,320 --> 00:51:47,360 Hang on! 805 00:51:47,400 --> 00:51:49,160 I don't recognise you. 806 00:51:50,840 --> 00:51:52,240 Well, you must be new. 807 00:51:54,480 --> 00:51:57,760 That's right, yeah. Yeah, I am. I just... 808 00:51:57,800 --> 00:51:59,240 Just transferred in. 809 00:52:00,360 --> 00:52:03,560 Well, then, how come you have a different uniform? 810 00:52:05,240 --> 00:52:06,920 Well, it must be from a different branch. 811 00:52:06,960 --> 00:52:09,040 Come on, then, let's have a cup of tea. 812 00:52:09,080 --> 00:52:11,520 I'll introduce you to the crazy gang. 813 00:52:11,560 --> 00:52:15,360 MUSIC: When You Say Nothing At All by Ronan Keating 814 00:52:21,000 --> 00:52:22,320 Hello. 815 00:52:22,360 --> 00:52:24,840 TYRES SQUEAL, MUSIC STOPS 816 00:52:24,880 --> 00:52:27,080 Oh, no. Uncle Nicholas... 817 00:52:27,120 --> 00:52:29,720 Uncle Nicholas, I-I-I tried to talk him out of it, I swear. 818 00:52:29,760 --> 00:52:31,480 I really did, I really... 819 00:52:31,520 --> 00:52:32,800 Hi. You all right? Hi. 820 00:52:32,840 --> 00:52:35,480 But he just... He wouldn't listen, he wouldn't listen. 821 00:52:35,520 --> 00:52:37,680 "Holly," he said, "That is very mature 822 00:52:37,720 --> 00:52:39,400 "and incredibly level-headed advice, 823 00:52:39,440 --> 00:52:41,880 "but I will...but I will fundamentally ignore it." 824 00:52:41,920 --> 00:52:44,240 Holly, Holly, slow down. 825 00:52:44,280 --> 00:52:46,000 What are you talking about? 826 00:52:46,040 --> 00:52:47,200 Where is Chris? 827 00:52:48,240 --> 00:52:51,400 BEEPING 828 00:52:51,440 --> 00:52:52,800 Milton Keynes? 829 00:52:52,840 --> 00:52:54,720 I don't know what I'm going to do. 830 00:52:54,760 --> 00:52:57,840 I'm out of ideas. I mean, he's 16 years old, 831 00:52:57,880 --> 00:52:59,960 and he still believes in Father Christmas. 832 00:53:00,000 --> 00:53:01,560 I think that's good. 833 00:53:01,600 --> 00:53:05,160 I don't. I think it's sad and pathetic. 834 00:53:05,200 --> 00:53:07,880 He's becoming more and more like his dad each day. 835 00:53:07,920 --> 00:53:09,640 At least he believes in something. 836 00:53:10,920 --> 00:53:12,800 A lot of people don't. 837 00:53:12,840 --> 00:53:15,520 I mean, I don't know, I'm not his parent, you are. 838 00:53:15,560 --> 00:53:16,600 But I AM his teacher... 839 00:53:17,960 --> 00:53:23,560 ..and what I see is a boy who's bright and curious and tenacious, 840 00:53:23,600 --> 00:53:24,920 and who shows initiative. 841 00:53:26,920 --> 00:53:28,560 Those are all good qualities. 842 00:53:30,720 --> 00:53:31,720 Thank you. 843 00:53:33,040 --> 00:53:34,600 And thanks for coming tonight. 844 00:53:35,760 --> 00:53:38,520 This wasn't really what I had in mind for our first date. 845 00:53:39,760 --> 00:53:42,440 Listen up, everyone, this is Chris. 846 00:53:42,480 --> 00:53:44,720 He just transferred in. All right, Chris? Hiya. 847 00:53:44,760 --> 00:53:47,840 Chris, this is Danny. Where were you before? 848 00:53:47,880 --> 00:53:49,840 Swindon. 849 00:53:49,880 --> 00:53:51,400 That's Frank. 850 00:53:51,440 --> 00:53:53,680 I didn't know we had an office in Swindon. 851 00:53:53,720 --> 00:53:56,120 They wouldn't tell us if they did. 852 00:53:56,160 --> 00:53:59,680 You got that right. Angela. Hi. 853 00:53:59,720 --> 00:54:01,880 Come on, then, I'll show you round the kitchen. 854 00:54:01,920 --> 00:54:04,800 So that's Robbo, Big Jen, and Teabag. 855 00:54:04,840 --> 00:54:06,200 Cup of tea, Chris? 856 00:54:22,400 --> 00:54:25,280 No, no, no. No children. 857 00:54:25,320 --> 00:54:27,600 I need a girlfriend first. THEY CHUCKLE 858 00:54:27,640 --> 00:54:29,280 RADIO CHATTER Oh, sorry, Chris. 859 00:54:29,320 --> 00:54:32,600 Go ahead, this is Goshawk, over. 860 00:54:32,640 --> 00:54:34,680 RADIO: Yeah, you haven't seen anyone you're not supposed to 861 00:54:34,720 --> 00:54:36,680 on your rounds, have you? Over. 862 00:54:36,720 --> 00:54:38,760 No, what kind? Over. 863 00:54:38,800 --> 00:54:40,440 I've got a gentleman here says his lad 864 00:54:40,480 --> 00:54:43,960 trampolined over the back wall earlier on tonight. Over. 865 00:54:44,000 --> 00:54:45,280 No, sorry. 866 00:54:47,400 --> 00:54:48,720 Hang on a minute. 867 00:54:50,480 --> 00:54:51,640 Chris? 868 00:54:52,840 --> 00:54:54,360 Yeah? 869 00:54:54,400 --> 00:54:56,200 You were round the back earlier. 870 00:54:56,240 --> 00:54:59,520 See anything that looked like a young lad? 871 00:54:59,560 --> 00:55:02,360 No, no. Not that I can think of. 872 00:55:02,400 --> 00:55:04,520 Sorry, mate, can't help you. Over and out. 873 00:55:06,840 --> 00:55:09,880 Is the toilet...? Oh, it's just out there. Second on the left. OK. 874 00:55:14,280 --> 00:55:16,120 Good kid. 875 00:55:16,160 --> 00:55:17,400 Settling in very nicely. 876 00:55:28,520 --> 00:55:29,760 DOOR OPENS 877 00:55:29,800 --> 00:55:30,880 Where is he? 878 00:55:48,520 --> 00:55:54,440 LIVELY CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS 879 00:56:44,800 --> 00:56:46,480 # Gloria! Gloria! 880 00:56:48,120 --> 00:56:49,960 # Gloria! Gloria! # 881 00:56:52,920 --> 00:56:54,840 METALLIC THUD CHRIS GASPS 882 00:57:05,600 --> 00:57:08,560 METAL CLANKS AND SCRAPES 883 00:57:08,600 --> 00:57:10,160 Oh... 884 00:57:11,600 --> 00:57:14,280 ALARM BLARES 885 00:57:27,800 --> 00:57:28,880 BEEPING 886 00:57:28,920 --> 00:57:30,480 # Up on the housetop the reindeer pause 887 00:57:30,520 --> 00:57:32,560 # Out jumps good old Santa Claus 888 00:57:32,600 --> 00:57:34,920 # Down through the chimney with lots of toys 889 00:57:34,960 --> 00:57:37,120 # All for the little ones Christmas joys 890 00:57:37,160 --> 00:57:41,440 # Ho-ho-ho! Who wouldn't go! Ho-ho-ho! Who wouldn't go! # 891 00:57:41,480 --> 00:57:44,720 Come on. In you go. Actions have consequences. 892 00:57:48,800 --> 00:57:50,880 Right, what do you want to say? 893 00:57:50,920 --> 00:57:51,960 Sorry. 894 00:57:52,000 --> 00:57:55,800 Remember, you have to be specific if you want to sound sincere. 895 00:57:57,560 --> 00:58:00,080 I'm sorry I was so heavy-handed... 896 00:58:00,120 --> 00:58:01,440 SHOUTING: Speak up! 897 00:58:01,480 --> 00:58:04,200 I'm sorry I was so heavy-handed. 898 00:58:04,240 --> 00:58:06,600 I didn't mean to scare you or put you in danger. 899 00:58:06,640 --> 00:58:07,880 It won't happen again. 900 00:58:09,160 --> 00:58:10,240 I promise. 901 00:58:15,480 --> 00:58:17,280 Thank you. 902 00:58:17,320 --> 00:58:18,320 Yeah. 903 00:58:21,200 --> 00:58:23,080 Right, off you go. 904 00:58:25,920 --> 00:58:28,680 SANTA GRUNTS 905 00:58:28,720 --> 00:58:30,000 SANTA SIGHS 906 00:58:30,040 --> 00:58:31,640 Poor old Ruprecht. 907 00:58:31,680 --> 00:58:33,520 His heart's in the right place. 908 00:58:33,560 --> 00:58:36,520 And the truth is, well, I couldn't do without him. 909 00:58:36,560 --> 00:58:38,600 He takes care of that part of the business - 910 00:58:38,640 --> 00:58:41,600 that leaves me free to do the things that I need to do. 911 00:58:41,640 --> 00:58:43,280 Which is a roundabout way of saying, 912 00:58:43,320 --> 00:58:46,080 I have no idea who you are, why you're here, 913 00:58:46,120 --> 00:58:49,080 and why you didn't just write a letter like everyone else. 914 00:58:49,120 --> 00:58:52,640 I did. And I'm Chris, by the way. 915 00:58:52,680 --> 00:58:55,600 Right. Do you have the letter on you? 916 00:58:55,640 --> 00:58:57,800 Yes, I do. 917 00:58:57,840 --> 00:58:59,760 Here. Ah. 918 00:59:02,720 --> 00:59:04,000 Right. 919 00:59:04,040 --> 00:59:07,400 Let me guess - wireless headphones? 920 00:59:07,440 --> 00:59:10,200 A hoodie? A black Nando's card? 921 00:59:15,840 --> 00:59:17,920 All you want for Christmas is 922 00:59:17,960 --> 00:59:20,840 for your dad to believe in Father Christmas? 923 00:59:20,880 --> 00:59:22,720 He doesn't think you exist. 924 00:59:24,160 --> 00:59:27,480 Tell me, Chris. It is Chris, isn't it? 925 00:59:27,520 --> 00:59:30,120 Have you, er... 926 00:59:30,160 --> 00:59:32,680 Have you ever seen a magic trick? 927 00:59:41,560 --> 00:59:43,320 Were you amazed? 928 00:59:44,480 --> 00:59:45,600 I was. 929 00:59:49,000 --> 00:59:50,720 What do you think would have happened 930 00:59:50,760 --> 00:59:53,880 if the magician had explained the trick to you first? 931 00:59:53,920 --> 00:59:55,400 It wouldn't feel like magic. 932 00:59:55,440 --> 00:59:57,080 Ah! 933 00:59:57,120 --> 01:00:00,920 Well, that's the approach we like to take here. 934 01:00:00,960 --> 01:00:04,360 Truth is, it helps to have people like your dad out there - 935 01:00:04,400 --> 01:00:06,720 the sceptics, the non-believers. 936 01:00:06,760 --> 01:00:08,680 Makes it more special for the children 937 01:00:08,720 --> 01:00:10,240 and those that do believe. 938 01:00:10,280 --> 01:00:14,000 And that's the most important thing, wouldn't you agree? 939 01:00:14,040 --> 01:00:18,200 Unfortunately, it's getting harder and harder to amaze people. 940 01:00:18,240 --> 01:00:19,560 100 years ago, 941 01:00:19,600 --> 01:00:23,160 the science I had, it was 1,000 years ahead of anyone. 942 01:00:23,200 --> 01:00:25,440 A decade ago, only a century. 943 01:00:25,480 --> 01:00:29,640 And now it's getting closer - the gap is closing fast. 944 01:00:29,680 --> 01:00:31,480 The inexorable march of progress. 945 01:00:32,600 --> 01:00:34,560 Those people in the photograph - 946 01:00:34,600 --> 01:00:36,960 I'm sure they had good intentions, 947 01:00:37,000 --> 01:00:40,360 but they were getting dangerously close to the truth. 948 01:00:40,400 --> 01:00:43,600 That could've ruined Christmas for an awful lot of people. 949 01:00:43,640 --> 01:00:45,040 Ruprecht had to step in. 950 01:00:46,120 --> 01:00:51,400 Now, I understand that you want to prove to your dad 951 01:00:51,440 --> 01:00:53,880 that I'm real, and that you were right, but... 952 01:00:55,840 --> 01:00:57,280 ..I need to ask you a favour. 953 01:01:00,560 --> 01:01:04,120 I need you to keep all of this a secret. 954 01:01:04,160 --> 01:01:05,480 You know... 955 01:01:05,520 --> 01:01:09,280 ..to preserve the magic for at least one more generation. 956 01:01:11,200 --> 01:01:13,000 Do you think you could do that for me? 957 01:01:15,920 --> 01:01:17,040 Well... 958 01:01:18,080 --> 01:01:20,720 ..I can't really say "no" to Father Christmas, can I? 959 01:01:20,760 --> 01:01:21,760 Ah! 960 01:01:23,280 --> 01:01:27,320 Well, what can I get you instead? 961 01:01:27,360 --> 01:01:29,680 How about an air-fryer? I've had a run on those. 962 01:01:31,880 --> 01:01:32,960 No. 963 01:01:34,440 --> 01:01:35,720 I know what I want. 964 01:01:35,760 --> 01:01:37,160 Oh? 965 01:01:50,560 --> 01:01:53,200 Oh, with your science teacher? No, I don't think.... 966 01:01:53,240 --> 01:01:54,600 No, not for me. 967 01:01:54,640 --> 01:01:55,800 Oh. 968 01:02:03,560 --> 01:02:04,920 Well... 969 01:02:07,480 --> 01:02:09,560 ..it's a little outside my remit, but... 970 01:02:11,280 --> 01:02:13,040 ..I'll see what I can do. 971 01:02:53,200 --> 01:02:56,280 You do know that this is not about Father Christmas, don't you? 972 01:02:58,080 --> 01:02:59,360 For either of you. 973 01:03:22,720 --> 01:03:24,840 Hey. 974 01:03:24,880 --> 01:03:27,840 Now I wouldn't say this out loud, but, um... 975 01:03:30,240 --> 01:03:33,040 ..I was really proud of the way you kept going back there. 976 01:03:34,280 --> 01:03:39,640 You know, despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary, you... 977 01:03:40,720 --> 01:03:42,440 ..you showed real determination. 978 01:03:44,200 --> 01:03:45,520 Thank you. 979 01:03:55,600 --> 01:03:58,000 She loved Christmas. 980 01:03:58,040 --> 01:03:59,680 Not as much as you, obviously. 981 01:04:01,360 --> 01:04:03,800 But it was definitely her favourite time of year. 982 01:04:05,760 --> 01:04:09,920 You know, I think part of the reason why 983 01:04:09,960 --> 01:04:12,160 you wanted to still believe in Father Christmas 984 01:04:12,200 --> 01:04:14,640 was because of that, 985 01:04:14,680 --> 01:04:20,800 because Mum and Christmas are so closely associated, 986 01:04:20,840 --> 01:04:22,760 it's as if... 987 01:04:24,160 --> 01:04:25,920 ..to believe in Father Christmas 988 01:04:25,960 --> 01:04:28,040 was to keep the memory of her alive. 989 01:04:30,200 --> 01:04:31,640 But you'll never forget her. 990 01:04:32,800 --> 01:04:34,200 She'll always be here. 991 01:04:36,160 --> 01:04:38,600 And we'll still have a great Christmas, won't we? 992 01:04:38,640 --> 01:04:40,080 Yeah. Eh? 993 01:04:40,120 --> 01:04:45,120 We'll open presents, pull crackers, put up decorations, 994 01:04:45,160 --> 01:04:49,280 cook a goose, pretend we like Christmas pudding - the works. 995 01:04:49,320 --> 01:04:50,880 Thanks, Dad. 996 01:04:50,920 --> 01:04:51,920 I love you, son. 997 01:04:56,080 --> 01:04:57,480 Dad? Mm? 998 01:04:58,840 --> 01:05:02,840 I also think that part of the reason 999 01:05:02,880 --> 01:05:06,880 that you didn't want me to believe in Father Christmas 1000 01:05:06,920 --> 01:05:09,200 was because of Mum as well. 1001 01:05:09,240 --> 01:05:10,240 Oh? 1002 01:05:11,360 --> 01:05:14,520 Almost as if, I don't know, 1003 01:05:14,560 --> 01:05:18,400 because Mum and Christmas are so closely associated, 1004 01:05:18,440 --> 01:05:23,440 that if I still believed in Father Christmas, then... 1005 01:05:24,560 --> 01:05:27,280 ..it'd just be too hard 1006 01:05:27,320 --> 01:05:30,240 for you to move on with the rest of your life. 1007 01:05:33,200 --> 01:05:34,600 But you can. 1008 01:05:37,520 --> 01:05:39,080 You're not going to forget her. 1009 01:05:46,320 --> 01:05:47,920 That's an interesting thought. 1010 01:05:54,240 --> 01:05:55,600 Goodnight, mate. 1011 01:05:55,640 --> 01:05:57,000 Night, Dad. 1012 01:06:13,600 --> 01:06:17,800 BELLS JINGLE 1013 01:06:17,840 --> 01:06:22,480 TINKLY FESTIVE MUSIC PLAYS 1014 01:06:44,080 --> 01:06:45,480 He's been! 1015 01:07:11,320 --> 01:07:13,640 How on earth did you get up there? 1016 01:07:13,680 --> 01:07:16,680 I don't know. It's a Christmas miracle. 1017 01:07:16,720 --> 01:07:19,480 Yeah, well, as long as it wasn't that trampoline again. 1018 01:07:19,520 --> 01:07:22,880 Anyway, come on - that goose isn't going to cook itself. 1019 01:07:22,920 --> 01:07:23,960 Come on. 1020 01:07:41,080 --> 01:07:42,960 Merry Christmas! 1021 01:08:36,280 --> 01:08:39,520 Subtitles by Red Bee Media